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koalatydm · 3 years ago

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Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcast Episode 5 - The Deluxe Elf Interview with Devon Giehl and Iain Hendry

Transcription Part 1 of 2 (includes Wonderstorm questions and Kuno's questions)

[Transcriber's Notes: This took me SO LONG to transcribe, like multiple hours and I'm only halfway done... But I will make it through at least this one episode because I want fellow Moonfam enthusiasts to have a text source, not to mention make it easier for deaf/HoH people to follow along. I guess I'll tag @kuno-chan since she said it was OK at the beginning of the podcast, sorry if I'm bothering you!]

KUNO: Hi guys, so I have a personal request for this particular podcast episode if you guys could tweet, post, both at least one piece of information that you learned from this particular episode, that you love, that inspired you, that you thought was cute, whatever. Like, I really—one thing that really tends to happen is that people listen to the podcast and they kinda just go about their day. We don’t actually see the information circulate through the community, which we really try to have creative questions—questions that are fun and explore the characters in different situations. And it would just be really, really cool—it would mean a lot to me to see this actually circulate through the community, actually circulate through the fandom, and see, you know, it would be awesome to see it be inspired—to inspire fan works, fan fiction, fan art, especially fan art. I just—we talked like a solid hour at least—really like a solid hour about Runaan, Rayla, Ethari, that family, um, and Moonshadow elves a lot. We talked a lot about that. And I think this is information that a lot of people really wanted, even if it’s in largely headcanon form. But Devon and Iain were so gracious and we talked so much about that family, and including Ruthari, and of course some Rayllum in there. So if you guys could live tweet, or even just one tweet, at least one tweet. Tag us, tag me, tag Hailey, tag @HotPotion, even if you send it directly to me on Tumblr, that’d be awesome and we’d retweet, reblog all your stuff. It would be good for the podcast and I just really want to see this information circulate through the fandom, so at least one tweet. Alright, um, let’s get to the episode though. Thanks! Hope to see you guys on social media about this.

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KUNO: Alright, hey everyone, this is the Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcasts with your hosts Tamika and Hailey, and we are here with Devon Giehl and Iain Hendry, two writers on The Dragon Prince at Wonderstorm, and Devon being actually the recently announced lead writer at Wonderstorm, so say hi everyone!

DEVON: Hi!

IAIN: Hi, this is Iain…

DEVON: Hi, I’m Devon… (laughs)

KUNO: And so we have a ton of stuff to get through today, um, a lot of questions, so—but we’re going to ask Iain and Devon a little bit about themselves first, since I think—I’m not sure if this is the first interview they’ve really had, personally, so uh, Hailey do you want to start—head that?

HAILEY: Um, yeah, sure. Uh, could you tell us about your roles at Wonderstorm?

IAIN: Uh, sure, uh—I’m also a writer at—official title “Senior Writer” at Wonderstorm. I was one of the writing team on the show, not quite as early as Devon, who was basically employee 1 after the founders but um, I joined sort of, end of 2016 when season 1 writing was really starting to get rolling, and was you know part of the process all the way through all the seasons. Uh, and since this—it’s such a small start up company, all the writers take a bunch of other, like, production roles on the show. Like, throughout all three seasons we’ve done, like, continuity notes work, we’ve given feedback on like every step of the production process. And then the other kind of side things we have, like you know, very top secret game that we’re making in here. And like, kind of straddle the line between the show writing and the game so that that’s all kind of on point and feels like it’s in the same universe with the same characters as The Dragon Prince, but ah, can’t say too much about that just yet.

DEVON: Iain does a lot of—a lot of secret work (laughs). Um, yeah as for me, I’m also a writer on The Dragon Prince and my—I was a Senior Writer until very recently, and now I’ve been made into a Lead Writer, which means I just get to flex a lot. Um, but I started in, I think the very, very end of 2015 when Wonderstorm was first getting off the ground as like a tiny, tiny startup. And we were basically four people in a room about, I don’t know, like 20 ft by 10 ft. It was really, really awful—

IAIN: Really smelly.

DEVON: Really smelly, really tiny, like only a skylight for a window, it was great. And I—so I was involved in like the earliest of brainstorming for the show. I helped sort of like put together a lot of the pitch deck when we you know took it around to studios and like, I named like most of the characters—is like my most self-indulgent claim on the show cause I got to do a lot of really silly stuff. Um, but yeah, and then I like help out on a million other fronts at Wonderstorm too because we’re a small company and—yeah, the funny thing about the—the small tasks we have, like you mentioned continuity checks. Um, we often had to make sure that Callum’s backpack and book and Rayla’s bindings were always correct, and that was kind of, the funniest and most intense, like, stage of production ever. Cause you would, you know, watch one shot and then the next shot would come up and Callum’s backpack would have disappeared. So we had to be like, “OK, let’s give Callum backpack back on.”

IAIN: Yeah, and it’s not just for accuracy, but like, the way fandoms operate, like, we just knew if Rayla’s binding reappeared sometime, it wouldn’t be viewed as an error. People would be like “WHAT DID THE KING GET UNKILLED WHAT HAPPENED OVER HERE”.

DEVON: No it was just the—

KUNO: Oh, yeah.

IAIN: Woo!

DEVON: —continuity’s way harder than anyone thinks it is (laughs). It’s a lot.

KUNO: Oh bless you guys for knowing that though cause we—we totally would. Like, think, there was a point I remember saying that they changed Viren’s eye color because they didn’t want too much continuity with Rayla’s eye color and I feel like we were really that close to having a ‘Viren is Rayla’s real father’ issue. We really were. Somebody had to have thought about that issue (laughs).

DEVON: I actually think there is—there’s still at least one shot in the show where Viren has the wrong eye color and if you can find it, congratulations (laughter in background). That’s where we missed—missed it. So it’s in there somewhere.

KUNO: Xadia CSI (IAIN laughs). So you two are married, um, can you tell us what it’s like being married writing partners?

IAIN: You wanna go?

DEVON: Um, yeah, I mean it’s—we actually knew each other professionally before we dated, so it wasn’t like we—it’s sort of like, it was easy for us to—to remain work partners because that was how we existed in the first place. Like I met Iain when I interviewed him for a job and I—he was great (IAIN laughs), he was fun, he was all right.

IAIN: Apparently I passed.

DEVON: But um, so yeah we had a professional relationship before we had a dating—‘dating’ relationship. Um, so it’s strange because a lot of people will say like, “Oh, that’s probably terrible. You probably, like, become absolutely sick of each other” but somehow we’ve managed to—to have like, two relationship patterns where when we’re at work and we’re working on writing stuff we have this very professional thing going on and then at home, we’re just married idiots and we have a lot of fun. So like, I don’t know, I’m never tired of you, personally.

IAIN: No, (DEVON laughs) yeah I mean when we’re writing it’s generally like, Devon’s the one on the keys uh, you know, putting the words in and so on, and it will kind of bounce back and forth between like, I’ll have the idea for the—how the scene should flow and I’ll kinda narrate bits and then we’ll go back and smooth things over. But I mean, I could imagine that with some people it would get tense, but I think Devon and I, we’re just absolutely the most comfortable with each other and neither of us takes it personally when it’s like, “that line that you pitched isn’t working” or “this joke could be funnier”, anything like that.

DEVON: It’s usually Iain who’s—cause I usually type cause I type really too fast.

IAIN: She’s really too proud of her typing (laughs).

DEVON: I type super fast, it’s my only real talent, but—like I’ll just sort of go off on some sort of like incredibly unnecessary, long description of something and Iain will sort of let me get about like four or five lines into this unnecessary nonsense and he’ll just sort start going like, “OK so like, do we really—do we need that? I mean, you know, could we sort of parse this down a little, a little less, a little less”. And then I, just like, “Ugh, fine” (laughs).

IAIN: But um, every word she writes is great.

DEVON: Mmm (skeptically)

IAIN: It’s perfect.

DEVON: Completely not true. Also in our scripts I think like—

KUNO: Aw.

DEVON: —in terms of the way that we work professionally, I think like a lot of my strengths are in—in really almost self indulgent levels of drama and he can kind of pull me back from being too indulgent on those fronts. And then I think that Iain is objectively absurdly funny and so when you kind of look at our episodes usually everything that’s pretty funny and lighthearted and like the sense of levity often comes from you and then if there’s anything that just feels really painfully sad it’s probably me?

IAIN: I’m the funny one.

DEVON: (laughs) It’s true.

KUNO: Aw, I feel such a connection to you Devon, because I’m actually, episode 3 was actually one of my favorite ones because I love all that like domestic stuff. I love just kind of like—oh, I don’t know what you call the trope, like a safe house trope where you go somewhere, you’re still kind of in the adventure but we’re in a space right now, a narrative space where people are safe, if that makes any sense. Like you—if you’ve ever seen How To Train Your Dragon, like (T/N I don’t know what was said here, sorry!), the base is the safe place, that kind of thing. So, I totally get that, I actually see—episode 3 was one of my favorites outside of pretty much every episode where Rayllum was a thing. (laughter from multiple people)

HAILEY: The whole season basically (laughs).

KUNO: Pretty much the whole season, um. I think there was one more question about two.

HAILEY: Yeah sooo.

KUNO: Before we get to the elves.

HAILEY: Yeah, definitely. Uh so it was mentioned that you’re now lead writer, Devon, and can you tell a little bit more about what that entails if you can, and how that’s been going?

DEVON: Yeah, I mean… I actually don’t know what I can say about it, um… I think it—it means that uh, for future Dragon Prince stuff I’ll sort of like take a bit more of an active role in leading the—the development and the storylines and things like that. It also means that from a company perspective um I’ve been kind of involved in some other side stuff that Wonderstorm is quietly looking into developing and um I help a lot with other IPs that we would love to make a real thing someday and that’s kind of all I can say about it I think or I’ll get in trouble.

HAILEY: All right, that’s great, that’s good to know, thank you.

KUNO: The Dragon Prince 2 (laughter from multiple people). I’m totally joking everyone that’s not a thing so don’t take that for—

HAILEY: Wow.

KUNO: I’m joking.

IAIN: Two dragons.

DEVON: The Dragon 2 Prince.

KUNO: Yeah. OK also if there’s anything that you guys say that you want redacted this is probably not going up for another week because I have to get our reaction episode out. So anything you guys think about that you’re like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that” just message us and we’ll redact that. Yeah, cause we know that—

HAILEY: Or just say it. Just tell us, like, what’s—

DEVON: Hopefully we have some self-control but—

KUNO: Okay, so we are going to get really indulgent here and I think this is going to be really in Devon’s wheelhouse. We have a lot of questions and a bunch of the scenarios so try to get through as much of it as possible. Um so the first question is can you tell us more about the Silvergrove? What is the government system like in Silvergrove? Who runs it? If you could tell us that is that the only—at least like the leadership role? Um, is that the only Moonshadow elf village? And also do they actually get any real daylight because I noticed when the illusion thing happened it just got shady and I’m like, “They might be taking this Moonshadow thing too far”. Like the elves—do they really like that much? So like tell us about the Silvergrove and where Rayla grew up.

IAIN: So I guess it’s probably worth just starting off with a kind of blanket like, ‘if it hasn’t been in the show, we can’t say it’s 100% fact. A lot of this is just gonna be what kind of we thought, rough shape of things happen in our heads—‘

KUNO: Yeah, absolutely.

IAIN: —going into the writing and so on. So you know, don’t come after me with any, uh, fandom lawyers, anyone. But um yeah, I guess like it’s sort of—it’s most useful for us to think about it in comparison to how the Sunfire elves, like clearly they have very structured society. They have a queen, obviously, and they have large cities and so on whereas we think Moonshadow elves live in, as you saw, much smaller communities. And I think the Silvergrove is not the only one of those, it might be one of the better known ones where clearly the best assassins come from. But uh, I think are other ones out there, um, and maybe even Moonshadow elf people do not know where all the other ones are. Obviously the Silvergrove is hidden and maybe they don’t even have access to all the other ones. So I think there’s a sort of community run vibe to things. I think you know when they decided to—to ghost Rayla, and before that Rayla’s parents, I think that was probably a ‘let’s all come to a consensus before we make a decision about something like this’. I think, Devon, if you want to talk about the kind of like sunlight vibes things, because that was a big part of your driving force behind how this episode looked and felt.

DEVON: Um… well… first, I will say that it was potentially from the top down a complicated visual decision to have episode 3 take place in a Moonshadow elf shady forest grove and also the kingdom of sunlight.

IAIN: Yup.

DEVON: It created a couple production problems in terms of like the way we wanted the Silvergrove to look was very like evening themed and cool colors and you know shaded. And I had this really sort of self indulgent thing where I really wanted it to be as close to night time as possible and yet the story line in Lux Aurea was clearly taking place in the middle of the day. So we came to this sort of compromise that you know it is technically daytime through the whole day and there is enough tree cover that it’s already pretty shadowy but also I think there is some magic at play that’s sort of like generally um shrouds the whole thing in more of like a night time vibe. And my inspiration for that was I’m a big World of Warcraft player, or was I don’t super play a ton anymore but I really loved Ashenvale and some of the night elf regions and they had that similar thing that no matter what time of day it was it always felt like at least dusk or like this sort of like ever—ever shaded feeling. And I indulgently kind of wanted that to be where Rayla came from. So that’s what that’s about.

IAIN: Yeah and I think they’re magical beings. They don’t need vitamin D from the sunlight or anything like that. They’re totally fine if they just get moonlight every so often.

DEVON: But yeah, don’t write a script that has, you know, moon themed place and sun themed place at the same time. It was a… questionable choice (laughs). But I think it turned out—

KUNO: Yeah, ‘cause I was wondering—I was wondering—I was like “Okay” because a lot of the stuff you run through—you run the okay, if I were to write a fanfiction how do I use this. So it’s like, do they just never like—if they like—if Callum were to say live in the Silvergrove would he just have to get used to the fact that like it’s just never totally bright daylight or unless you leave the Silvergrove in the forest, uh, and like—that type of—is that what’s kind of like going on, they just like their shade?

DEVON: I think they like their shade. It’s like Scotland in the winter.

IAIN: Oh yeah, except we all get miserable by around about February when we haven’t seen sunlight in several months. But um yeah, I think it’s kind of like yeah, a combination of ‘oooh, magic’ and also just extremely, like, thick tree cover in the deepest parts of the forest. But I don’t think you have to travel too far. But uh, I think there’s a reason why everyone in that town was a Moonshadow elf and there were no Sunfire elves or random humans just like, chilling and living there. I think only the most goth of kids would be able to live in the Silvergrove without going a little bit mad.

DEVON: I mean you only have to go as far as the adoraburr field which clearly still gets a significant amount of daylight.

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: And you said there’s not really like a leader. They do as a community, but is there anyone that like makes decisions, like is there anybody that like if they were to go to somebody, like if they have like village leadership decisions. And obviously, um, blanket statement that all this we assume is kind a little bit of headcanon so it doesn’t have to be like for gospel, but you know for purposes of writing stuff.

DEVON: Um the way I thought about it—well, to back up a tiny bit, there was actually a version of the story where there might have—this was super, super early on, we were thinking about how the story might play out and we talked about there being potentially another Moonshadow elf leader type character that they would meet who, you know, was the one who ultimately called for the Ghosting decision. But that didn’t really fit the sort of, like, very personal nature of the story we wanted to play out with Rayla specifically. Um but thinking about that and the way that we were, you know, trying to shape it—I would imagine that like the assassins are sort of like a specific group that live in the Silvergrove which is otherwise—it’s not all assassins, like, not everybody there is an assassin. And I think that means that like you know Runaan was the leader of the assassins so he might consult with the leader of the blacksmiths who may be someone over Ethari but maybe it’s him now who might consult with the other general leaders—I don’t know. Like I think it’s more of a counsel of different groups than one single authority. It just seems like that would be a better fit for Moonshadow elves than the sort of like very, very strong-army, structured, high-and-mighty feeling that the Sunfire elves have, so, does that make sense?

KUNO: That totally makes sense, a little bit like an oligarchy, I think I had the idea that like they sound like they like a counsel. Like it sounds like a elven conciliatory.

DEVON: Yeah I think like someone might say, like obviously something horrible has happened and Rayla is exactly the person we thought she was. I’m calling for a—a ghost vote. And then you know—

IAIN: With a cooler name than that.

DEVON: No I think it’s canonically, I’m sorry—

IAIN: Ghost vote?

DEVON: The canon is “ghost vote” now.

IAIN: Okay.

DEVON: But yeah, they would all sort of like weight in kind of like a town hall scenario about of like why this is obviously the correct call and they would all sort of like have to come to some sort of agreement about what to do versus the Sunfire queen just being like “mph, time for the light, light decides!”

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: Okay um the next question being almost a little on that, does Ethari regret, um, what does he—does Ethari regret doing the banishing spell now that he knows the truth about Rayla?

DEVON: Oh absolutely 100%. But I don’t think he would have the power to—to reverse it. Like I think he could do a quick charm to help reverse it in the moment just to speak with her but ultimately it would take a lot for him to undo it and I’m not—we haven’t talked about what he’ll get up to in the meantime, but I don’t know he would be able to pursue it so directly—I’d have to talk about it, I think it would be an interesting side thought to think about how he might pursue redeeming her in the eyes of her people knowing what he knows, but—

IAIN: Yeah I think given that we said it would take everyone to do it collectively and make an agreed decision it would similarly everyone would have to understand the truth and go back on it and ‘oh I saw her one time and she said she didn’t do anything wrong probably isn’t enough to overturn that. But yeah I think he probably felt some regret even at the moment, but you know he’s in some of the worst grief of his entire life and he’s not going to make perfect rational decisions. And I’ve seen you know some people were slightly upset that he got so angry with Rayla in the moment of seeing her but I think like when you first see the person that you’ve tried to convince yourself sort of took the most important person in your life away from you, you’re gonna feel a big mess of feelings and it will bring up some grief that maybe you thought you were just—just starting to get over, so ah. Yeah I think hopefully he can turn that around in the years to come but they’ve all had a rough time. They’re at war. It sucks (DEVON laughs). Don’t go to war, kids.

KUNO: Hailey did you want to ask the next one or did you want me to?

HAILEY: Sure I can ask it. Could you—so I mean—you mentioned a stuff—a couple things about their government system and whatnot, but is there anything else you could tell us about Moonshadow culture, like what their day to day is like, and what it means to be a Moonshadow elf?

DEVON: Um I do think that a lot of the fandom I’ve been pleased to see has picked up on this sort of idea of a fairly rigid culture and you know there’s a lot of importance placed on things like honor, loyalty, and the ability to commit to things. And um I think that could come off as pretty strict but I actually think it comes from the place of valuing a close knit community. And I think, like, to the idea that we said like they probably have some kind of counsel instead of some single authority kind of ruler. It’s—I think their day to day would be very much going about their business in ways that support each other you know? Like does that make sense? It’s—you go to the blacksmith and he does work for you and it’s friendly and conversational but it’s productive—it’s all very for the good of the community.

IAIN: Yeah I think early on in season 1 even Rayla says that you know they’re not really meant to show their feelings. So I think everyone kind of commits to doing their task for the good of the village and doesn’t gripe about their day to day until something bad happens as the entire series to this point has been driven by. But um yeah I think they uh—they’re just committed to having a good, small, close knit village life and all supporting each other the best they can. And then occasionally the dragon queen tells you to go kill someone and that’s your job so you better go do that without complaining about it.

DEVON: I think we use the words “reclusive yet intimate” in the article we put up about the two moon creatures, the moonstrider and the shadowpaw. And I liked that a lot because I think they’re reclusive in the sense that they’re a little bit shut off from the wider world and they’re um isolationist in their preservation of their own culture but they are very close to each other and that is something that they hold at such an—like a preciousness level but it’s also a bit extreme, like if you betray that in any capacity like obviously they take that very seriously. And so it’s a double edged sword if you will, to have a community that supportive and that close but also your ability to perform all of yourself for the good of that community can be your undoing so—

KUNO: No I actually kinda get that um ‘cause I’m Pacific Islander so I think we’d call that what you’d call a collectivist society where it’s like the needs of the group supercede needs of the individual so I kinda like I—it’s not the extreme I think that they are because they’re very like reclusive but um I kinda live like that in a little bit of way. It’s what I grew up with. So I actually totally get that which might be why I like that so much (multiple people laugh). Um so the next question would be how does the banishing spell work that, um, that was used on Rayla politically and magically? I think we’ve talked a little bit about politically already but magically is—I’m assuming it’s a collective decision or does each person, like, opt in? Like could Ethari have opted out of doing it or did we—did they all have to agree?

DEVON: I think everybody have to agree?

KUNO: And how is it broken?

DEVON: I don’t think you can opt out?

IAIN: Um I think ‘how is it broken’ is something we definitely want to save for—for the future uh we really hope that Rayla manages to undo that. In terms of I think that it’s just culturally ingrained that you wouldn’t opt out. Um I think they would probably just argue forever until they manage to come to an agreement. So I—yeah I don’t think there’s you know half the elves in that village who are seeing Rayla and were like “Oh hey Rayla how’s it going?” I think uh they all came to the collective decision. That’s kind of the political angle. Um sorry, what was the other part? Magically how it works?

KUNO: Yeah? How would you do it?

IAIN: I—again, you know if it’s not in the show it’s not canon, but I sort of inspired by how the entrance spell works where they do a dance and there’s a ritual and I imagine it’s kind of similar. Like I think there’s a lot of that kind of like ritualistic style of magic and it’s kind of like what you see when they put the flowers out onto the water as well. There’s you know a collective dance probably involving a lot more people, a lot more cool intricate runes that happen only with a much more somber mood than the fun, happy times of Callum and Rayla dancing around in the forest. Um so yeah it’s probably—I would imagine it’s probably tied to some whatever the saddest phase of the moon is and that’s when they all get together and really somberly and really sadly uh commit to never seeing this person again. At least that’s the part of the plan. An interesting question that I think could be something that fanfiction writers such as yourself could get into is has any one of these ever been broken before or have they all been pretty sure that they would never need to go back on it? Is that going to be something that Rayla is going to figure out for the first time ever or is there a precedent for this happening. And we don’t have an answer right now but I think that would be a cool story to think about and write.

DEVON: Oh man I love the saddest phase of the moon idea. Imagine if they do it at the new moon because it’s like the moon’s face is hidden forever. Whoo.

IAIN: Whoo.

DEVON: Sad.

KUNO: Maybe we’re birthing things while we’re doing this interview. I actually think it would be like Callum does the Historia Viventum thing and it would be so—cause now I’m just imagining this whole village doing this sad dance which is the Banish Rayla dance essentially. And like that would be so sad for Rayla to witness that just for the drama of seeing her entire village decide to just not see her ever again. And that’s like wow, I’m so sad now.

DEVON: I love sadness.

IAIN: Yeah Callum just crushing a series of Moon Opals to show such a clip show of all of Rayla’s saddest history moments (laughs).

DEVON: Oh god.

IAIN: That’d be great.

DEVON: Thanks Callum.

KUNO: Thanks Callum. Um, she’d love him anyway. But um okay so some of my favorite stuff, what was it like for Rayla when her parents had to leave her to live with Runaan and Ethari and what was that transition like for them all? How old was like Rayla too?

DEVON: This was one that we’ve had a couple different ideas about so this is another one that’s like heavy not quite canon bubble. Like if we actually end up doing a story that involves some of these details it’s likely to change and be slightly different but the versions that I’ve liked have involved her being pretty young. And because honor is such a you know key part of Moonshadow culture I think like overall it was something that she felt you know sad about because she knew that she wasn’t going to be directly seeing her parents very often anymore. And—but it was uh such a huge honor that she felt you know pride in what her parents were being selected to go do. You know, act as Dragonguard and serve as these sort of like honorific, um, warriors that left the collective of the Silvergrove to go represent Moonshadow elves in the service of the Dragon Queen. And I think she had��she grew up being told what an honor that was and how much pride she should have in her parents because that is such a special thing. And then I think like it speaks a lot to how proud she was when she believed that they ran away and abandoned that duty because you know, how could they? If that was their reason for leaving her when she was a child and then they ran away from that job, like, how important could it have really been? And then you know, I’m sure that makes her feel very, very small. It made her feel so hurt that she told Callum at first that they were dead so she took it pretty hard.

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: But I think the other thing about it that we’ve sort of kicked around is that like, Runaan and Ethari were Rayla’s parents’ close friends and I think she was familiar with them enough that she didn’t feel like she was being you know left with two strangers. It’s sort of just like, you’re going to be under the care of people who are already very, very close to you and care about you quite a bit.

IAIN: Yeah I think with like Moonshadow elves in general the thing I think about a lot is like the good and evil that comes from suppressing your true emotions to show a different face to the world and I think we see a lot of that in Rayla. Like I think she probably committed pretty hard to Ghosting her parents because she had this like big mess of like sadness that she’d left but at least the soft landing of Runaan and Ethari to live with and so on. But believing like this sadness is worth it because they’re doing something so noble and then the betrayal of that—it just came out in kind of a messy like toxic way, right, where now she’s committed to becoming an assassin at a really young age in a way Ethari doesn’t agree with and so on. But I mean on the other side I think having a strong handle on your emotions is often one of Rayla’s strengths right? Like we saw in episode 5 of this season after she’s going through a whole lot of stuff, both her family situation and this new development with Callum, she’s just able to like operate as a cool badass extremely cool assassin without letting any of that affect her. But you know I think there’s balance in how you handle your feelings and how you externalize them in a good way that people can learn from, but sometimes you gotta—you gotta work (laughs).

KUNO: That makes sense. Oh well yeah I always had this personal headcanon which I kind of like incorporated into my fanfictions where she felt abandoned by her parents so in a way it’s kinda like slightly—kinda like that except it was all those feelings that have been repressed from years and years basically came out when she felt like—like the abandonment came to like the head when she felt like they had left because they had ran away—they kind of like ran away like from her.

DEVON: Oh yeah, absolutely.

KUNO: In a way—their duty to—

DEVON: I think that validates the suppressed feeling, you know.

KUNO: Yeah, since their duty to the Dragonguard was in it’s own way more important and that’s something that was like okay because it was an honor but since they ran away it’s like obviously it was more important in a terrible way, if that makes any sense?

IAIN: Yeah I mean I think it’s like she did her best and she’s trying to be a grown up but it’s hard at a young age to accept that you know there are meant to be higher callings than a bond between parents and children, right? Like that’s hard for her to grasp and she probably didn’t express that openly ever really. But I think it really did help that she had two genuine loving father figures ready to accept her with open arms even if one of them did train her to become the best assassin of her generation, which again I wouldn’t advise to—to most parents out there.

DEVON: I do think like even that was considered, you know, honorable. It was you know, you’re going to—not only are you going to get to live with Runaan and Ethari, like Runaan is the leader of the assassins, or at least maybe at that point in time he wasn’t the leader but he was very up and coming. I don’t know, it could be either or, but that I think was probably something that she fully embraced and fully wanted, like you know, ‘this is my purpose in life, this is my calling, my parents have gone off to do their calling and it’s a great honor for them, and this is my path and what I’m going to do with myself’. And that didn’t end up being true but it was probably a comfort to her at the time.

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: That makes a lot of sense. Moving on, okay, this, we’re getting real indulgent now—do you know what Ethari and Runaan’s wedding was like and what are Moonshadow elf weddings are like in general?

DEVON: Um, I have a, so a lot of the dancing stuff is because I have an enormous soft spot for tropes involving cute dances, like, just a huge, huge soft spot. And the thing that comes to mind is, if you’ve seen the movie Prince of Egypt, which is such a weird reference—

KUNO: Yeah, I love that.

DEVON: —the scene where he and the girl, I forget her name, they do the thing—

KUNO: Tzipporah.

DEVON: —with the ribbon and they do the cute little dance with the ribbon. For some reason that’s what I think of when I imagine what a moment in their wedding would look like would be a dance with a ribbon that they sort of use to—you know, Moonshadow elves love ribbons, I guess, but this is a good ribbon! It’s a love ribbon. But anyway, that’s just my idea. I love that specific—that song that, “Through Heaven’s Eyes”, it’s during that sequence but that—

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: —would be my go-to inspiration for like, it’s like that and then you know, everybody dances with them because Moonshadow elves like to dance.

IAIN: Yeah, I kind of like the idea of the—there’s a lot of these symbols that are sometimes extremely sinister. I mean I think Ethari even kinda calls this out when he shoots the—the Shadowhawk arrow to inform the queen that her son is in fact alive. But like, Moonshadow elves believe that death and life are not good and evil, they’re mirrors of each other and an important part of the cycle. And you know, the moon has cycles and that’s an important part. So I think thinking about all the rituals and stuff that they have, which initially you’re introduced to as ‘let’s go murder someone party’, like if that was—there was a kind of inverse to that that was a big part of their wedding ceremony I think that would make a lot of sense to Moonshadow elves because this is two people binding their lives together forever. Binding for a shared purpose in a good way and not the grim ‘let’s go kill Prince Ezran’ kind of way.

KUNO: Yeah. Cause naturally this is involving like several ships so I’m like, I had to ask that. And on the piggyback of that, as detailed as possible, can you describe courtship customs for Moonshadow elves?

DEVON: Oh man.

KUNO: I mean like dating—dating customs, like a headcanon even if it’s just headcanons.

IAIN: Devon is deep in thought (laughs).

DEVON: I’ve never—like for some reason the—the headcanons that I’ve thought about are more specific to like, Runaan and Ethari than I’ve really sort of like branched out into thinking about how Moonshadow elves do this in general. So I imagine there’s intended—there’s some formality to it, I would imagine, in that like, because they’re so, you know, purposeful and thoughtful with how they express their feelings if at all, I think it would be, you know, exchange of gifts like small favors and making your purpose known in a way that starts small but has purpose. So I think like, there’s versions where Ethari would put extra detail into the work he was doing for Runaan which you know, could be perceived as a sign of affection or Runaan was coming to Ethari asking him to work on his weapons or metalcraft stuff a little bit more than was necessary and—stuff like that, where it’s a bit stiff and difficult but I think like once—once there is clear reciprocation I think there can be more of an open discussion about it, does that make sense? But I think Runaan probably struggled with this a whole lot, like, ‘cause he’s—did I, it might have been you who I responded to on Twitter but someone asked me something along these lines and I think Runaan had a really hard time even with this first sort of like simple offerings of affection because that’s just him. Like he sort of takes that aspect to an extreme. Like he has a hard time being like “here is the way I wish to express myself in a soft way and not with a—a sharp object. So I think Ethari had an easier time because he’s just more naturally soft (laughs).

IAIN: Yeah I sometimes think that Runaan is the most Moonshadow elf of all Moonshadow elves, but like, you know, it’s—

KUNO: I was gonna say that.

IAIN: Yeah, um, you know when they have such a hard time showing their feelings and they sometimes feel like they’re not supposed to and so on, and so Runaan is trying to pick up on the tiniest possible hints through professional exchanges and so on. And I think when it’s actually time to confess that there’s a feeling there you would, I think especially Runaan would have to be 100% sure and then do it entirely in private, the most private situation possible where there could be no possible spies who could see this if it was going to go wrong because that would just be the end of his entire life, obviously.

DEVON: Yeah he would bind himself to his own death (laughs).

IAIN: Yeah, that’s it. Gonna assassinate myself because I confessed love and it didn’t get reciprocated. That’s that.

DEVON: It’s over.

IAIN: So yeah, lot of—lots of awkward advances where they’re trying—trying to have the escape hatch of “Oh I didn’t really try to suggest that I liked you, this was just me asking you for a professional favor by let’s never speak again”.

DEVON: And then he comes back the next day (DEVON and IAIN laugh).

KUNO: Oh my goodness. Uh I felt—I—I kinda like headcanoning now that Ethari tells Rayla all this “how I met, you know, your surrogate dad” kind of stuff. Like, and that’s how she—she’s like, this is how you do love apparently.

DEVON: I do think that like, yeah, he had a much easier time and probably picked up on stuff. And to me there’s a side of Ethari that you don’t really get to see in the episode because he’s very sad. I think he’s a—he does have a playful side and I like to imagine that while Runaan was doing his, like, really just not-the-best attempts to display affection early on, like Ethari would pick up on them but not necessarily give the full signal back. And he played a little bit oblivious but he absolutely was—he’s just more emotionally in tune. So I think, “Oh hey, you’re back again, wow. I thought I did fantastic work on your blades last time. I cannot believe they’re already dull!” Like and he just sort of like, he knows—he knows there’s something there.

IAIN: I think like this kind of gets echoed in Rayla, like where Callum in an effort to pick her up and be honest about how he feels that she’s just an incredible person. Like to her that’s like, ‘person being entirely open with their feelings in a positive way? That’s a love connection!’ And then it goes wrong for one entire episode and then it turns out that Callum was also not fully aware of how he was feeling and so on. But I think like, yeah, I think that’s why she was like immediately “Wow, this is clearly meant to be romantic and this is—this is going exactly the way I want!” and then it didn’t. But then it did! So we’re all happy.

DEVON: Aww.

KUNO: I am! I’m certainly happy. Um—uh let’s see—the next one is—okay. What was Rayla like as a child growing up in a household she did—household? Um, she mentioned going to school and we’d love to know how baby Rayla fared as a student and just a child growing up in the Silvergrove and what that experience is like for a Moonshadow elf child?

DEVON: You want—you want me to do this one?

IAIN: Go for it.

DEVON: Yeah, um, I think Rayla was feisty (laughs) in a word. I think she—for some reason there’s a scene in the beginning of Korra where she’s already mastered like, three elements and she like comes out punching. I kind of think about that when I think about baby Rayla. She knows she’s—there’s that end credit scene where she’s got the two sticks and she’s posing with them and Runaan’s sort of lifting one of them up and I’m thinking like, okay so sheg’s like, from a tiny, tiny age thinking like, “I’m gonna be the coolest assassin the Moonshadow elves have ever seen!” and she’s like rambunctious about that almost, because you know, as a child you don’t really understand what the ramifications of that are but it’s considered like a highly, highly valued, honored position and so she’s obviously like, “Yeah I’m gonna do that and I’m going to be the best at it and there will never be any complications whatsoever!” In terms of Moonshadow elf childhood, I think with the way that I would think about it is—we talked about the sort of community aspect. I imagine Moonshadow elves have pretty, like, what’s the word, like, a lot of general education, sort of, like, “this is what weaponsmithing is like and this is gardening and raising crops and things to provide for the community” and so I think they would have a lot of ‘school’ that covers a lot of just like, life basics because you are expect to find a place that contributes to the collective whole. Does that like—?

IAIN: Yeah, I think like it’s also lucky for Rayla that a big part of Moonshadow elf culture is what we would call PE. Like I think she excelled at striving to be an assassin warrior and so on. Especially like, she’s trying to live up to her parents who at first were honored Dragonguard and you know, Runaan as well. I think in terms of like, more academic stuff like if there was Moonshadow elf history lessons and “let’s go out and understand the, you know, ecology of the Moonshadow forest” and stuff I think she was probably a bit kinda like, rambunctious and not super paying attention and running off and not really giving it her all and so on. Um, you kind of get that impression from early on where she knows what Primal sources are and she’ll explain that to Callum but like, when she’s talking about ‘how do you do that Moonshadow form thing’ she’s like “I don’t know, it just feels right”. Like I think that’s—she did everything very intuitively and focused on the things she cared about and understood and kinda did what she—did what she could on the other subjects, I guess, but didn’t care as much.

DEVON: Yeah I feel like if you imagine the kid that is going to grow up to be an artist is doing doodles on their math homework and just sort of like doing the math homework but—but you know, clearly the effort is being placed elsewhere. I think it’s that but she was excelling at PE and assassin training and therefore fell very, very easily into her supposed path.

KUNO: The—this isn’t on the thing, but did—did she ever—did she ever really have any friends? ‘Cause she doesn’t really mention—ever mention friends. I—maybe that has to do with the whole assassin thing where if she wasn’t learning being at school she would probably doing assassin stuff with Runaan or assassin training stuff—I guess not really assassinating. But um did she have really friends growing up?

IAIN: I think if she had friends they were not super close. And I think she valued her alone time. There’s a sweet moment early in—well end of season 1 where she like tries to cheer up Ezran by saying that fitting in is overated and I think she felt that a little bit. Um and you know I think there’s some amount of when you’re being trained in the art of an assassin like you’re probably somewhat taught to—to keep people at arm’s length a little bit, right? And I think she—she took that to heart. So I think that’s a big part of why when she was first traveling with Callum and Ezran there wasn’t that much trust between then and it was kinda like, it was Ezran honestly that bridged the gap being most empathetic number 1 child. And yeah, I think having a close friend is relatively new to her.

KUNO: Makes sense. Like just few, not the many. Um okay then next question before we get to Hailey’s batch of them are um, what are Runaan’s feelings toward Rayla as of right now and everything that’s happened since season 1? I understand he’s in a coin, he’s in a finacial crisis, he’s probably not thinking about it too hard—

DEVON: Oh my god (laughs).

KUNO: But you know, like he’s gotta be—you know he’s not doing anything right now, I’m assuming, so like what would be his feelings about her at the moment?

DEVON: I mean he’s got a lot of time to think, wherever he is. I think like—I got into this a little bit on Twitter in a self-indulgent rant at one point where I think he went through a lot very quietly during the first few episodes of the show where he very, very much wanted Rayla to succeed, even if he wasn’t necessarily like being the dad on the sideline of the soccer game, like, cheering for her. But he thought this was her moment, this was her time to prove that she really was more dedicated to you know, her cause and her people than her parents were because they had, you know, been the subject of such shame. And then ah, everything goes the way it does, I think he has a brief crisis of, “Is this my fault? Did I fail to train her well enough? Like, was Ethari right?” Because he always thought she had, you know, a softer heart. And I think like those are the types of things that he’s still stewing on, um like did—”did he overstep? Was it something—was he so eager to give her the opportunity to prove herself that he, you know, ultimately put her in a position where she could not succeed?” I think like, the other thing that I mentioned on Twitter was I think he took her off the mission both because he very, very much wanted to give himself and the others a chance to complete the mission even if it meant their deaths. But it also meant that Rayla had the chance to survive even if it was potentially going to be misinterpreted and she’d get slapped with the Ghosting, I think he believed that her alive was better than everybody being dead. So I think like, he’s got a lot—a lot to work through and I think like—I think he feels guilty. I think there’s the smallest part of him that he has the—again, a lot of time to potentially stew on and reflect on is he does feel like he put her in a position that was, you know, not fully taking into account the type of person she was and more projecting onto her the type of person he wanted her to be and gift he wanted to give her of redeeming herself in the eyes of her people for her parents. And I think he’s gonna have to work through that. Poor dude.

KUNO: That’s so sadly heartfelt. That’s so sadly heartfelt. Here I am thinking that he’d be, like, maybe a little angry with her, ‘cause obvious reason, but now it’s like, oh he feels guilty. Like, “Oh, okay, let’s just slap the angst on, okay”.

DEVON: I mean, I think like—

KUNO: Yeah, mm-hm.

DEVON: Sure he’d have some anger, like, “Awgh, I gave her everything. I gave her the exact opportunity she needed”. But I think like the guilt and the reflection leads to the “Maybe I—maybe it was me who stepped too far here”.

IAIN: Yeah, I mean another part of it is like, we don’t know what it’s like being trapped in the hell coin dimension, right?

DEVON: Oh I do. I—I mean—

IAIN: Oh you do?

DEVON: It sucks.

IAIN: Oh it sucks?

DEVON: When it happens to me on the reg (IAIN laughs).

IAIN: But you know, does it feel like an eternity is passing? Does it feel like no time has passed? Is he in eternal pain? Because if it’s like real bad—

KUNO: Oh my god.

IAIN: —in there I can imagine that like yeah there’s definitely some of those kind of anger feelings that you don’t want to feel in but you do sometimes, right? Like it’s like, if he has a snap moment of “I wouldn’t be in here if she hadn’t gone off and disobeyed our orders and, like, lied to me and so on”. So if he ever comes out uh don’t know what side of the emotional coin he’s gonna land on.

DEVON: Ohhh, please leave.

KUNO: Oh my god.

DEVON: Get out, oof, ouch.

IAIN: Finger guns.

DEVON: I do think like that sort of complex—

KUNO: It sounds—

DEVON: —emotion is just, I don’t want to give any time to that pun, we’re moving on. Like that sort of complexity of emotion and relationships is something that I really like in the show overall. Like you said earlier, you saw some people that were a little bit upset that Ethari was so willing to lash out at Rayla at first and I think like to me that was always part of the big, big thematic of the show, which is this sort of endless cycle of people being willing to hurt each other and not forgive each other and not, you know, accept that you can choose peace. It’s, you know, it’s—Runaan having that impulse to anger is a very natural thing and it doesn’t—I don’t think it necessarily makes him a bad person for feeling that. And I don’t necessarily think that Ethari having his moments of grief lead him to actions that are ultimately like, regretful, like I don’t think he would want that to define him in the long run. Like those are very human things but those are the things as we acknowledge them and as are—so long as we are capable of recognizing how flawed we are and how violent and…

KUNO: Messy.

DEVON: Messy! Thank you, that’s like, I was going to say like churning, messy is good. Like messy emotions can be and how they can like, dictate the way we treat each other, um, but forgiveness and patience and acceptance are ultimately just so much more powerful than those negative perpetuating lashing outs. That was an inelegant way of ending that screed, but yes.

KUNO: I actually really love that um ‘cause I from the beginning I’ve loved their father-daughter relationship so I love how complicated it is, ‘cause the truth is you know every parent-child relationship is a little complicated, except theirs is a little more complicated with assassination going on in the works, the family trade. So I love that it is this complicated ‘cause I know I remember in the beginning where people were like you know—you know she does have a dad. And it’s like I know she has a biological dad but until I am told otherwise that’s her father. I don’t care and I love their relationship so I love that that really reflects that. Another—the next question out of me before we get to, um, Hailey’s, which are all about different elves, is um, course I have to ask, my policy is one Rayllum question per interview. Um what are Runaan’s feelings—whah, no, whoop, how would Ruthari and Runaan react to Rayla’s relationship with Callum considering he’s not only a human but a human prince? ‘Cause as far as we know Runaan really hates, um, humans and I’d love to see that story later, both individually and as a couple. Because as far as I know, Ethari probably doesn’t know that their in a relationship unless he sensed it?

DEVON: Oh man, I—I think you should take this one, but I do want to say that I saw one comment on Tumblr at one point where someone said that they wished that Ethari had said something to Callum along the lines of like, “Take care of her”. And I want to travel back in time and pretend that was in the script ‘cause I think that would have been really, really nice. And I do think like, he picked up on the fact that Callum was important to her even if it—he didn’t necessarily read it as romantic right off the bat. I think he mostly was like, “Oh this guy is kind of like a cute—he’s a human but he’s, you know, a friend to someone I care about and that in and of itself is valuable and there’s something there”. So I think—pretend that was in the script. I wish I had thought about something like that but—

KUNO: I will (DEVON laughs).

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: That’s canon as far—as far as I’m concerned that’s canon.

IAIN: I think uh it would be best for everyone involved if they found out together, uh, because I think Runaan’s impulse would not be good immediately. I think like, when you spend so much time as an assassin and you drill into your head that the people that you’re meant to kill are not people, they’re the enemy right? Like I think that’s—sometimes that’s a thing he turns on to do the job and so on, but I do think that’s gonna bleed into his personality and it’s—you know, especially given his extremely recent history he’s not got the best feelings about humans. So I think it would inspire an immediate negative reaction in him that would not be pleasant for Callum and Rayla, but I think Ethari just has a much softer heart and that is where Rayla kind of got that side from. So I mean I’m not going to say that he would immediately—you know, they’ve been at war for hundreds and hundreds of years with humans and they’ve been told all through their history that humans committed the original sin of dark magic, et cetera et cetera, but like, I think it would take not that much time of seeing Rayla and Callum together for Ethari to see that there’s something there and then I think Ethari would have the ability to ah, to talk Runaan down pretty quick. But I also think that like, Runaan might not even show any of this, there might just be a kind of seething resentment that he’s not really talking about inside. Um unless it was like on the battlefield or something and he was like, “That’s a prince that I’m meant to kill” or something like that. But overall I think Ethari would sense that Runaan was not like—was not taking this well and they would be able to talk it through. At least that’s my gut.

DEVON: No, that sounds right (DEVON and IAIN laugh).

KUNO: I feel like poor Callum is just always on the edge of “Am I going to die tonight?” while he’s there, “Is this gonna be it?” Just gonna be like, “Oops sorry I had an accident—hey I had an accident in the middle of the night, you know, just a knife to the throat, that’s all”.

IAIN: I mean, he’s doing pretty well, like he said as they were about to meet Ethari and Rayla was like, “Remember Runaan?” He was like “Oh yeah, that guy who tried to kill me as soon as he met me? Cool guy”. Callum’s doing pretty well on the acceptance front these days.

DEVON: I do—

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: I do want to say that I think Ethari and Callum would get along really well because I think they both have sort of like a soft hearted friendliness to them that they would have a fun rapport. And that’s the sort of like “Trees to meet you” line is definitely supposed to be like—they’d you know, crack some goofy back and forths and I think that would soften Runaan too because he couldn’t ever hate someone that Ethari liked.

IAIN: Yeah, I think it’s a weird—

KUNO: Aww.

IAIN: —reversal where like Callum’s the one doing the dad jokes and Ethari’s like humoring them and Runaan’s like, “I don’t understand. Trees do not meet.”

DEVON: “Please stop saying ‘trees to meet you’.”

KUNO: Aw it never gets old. I love that. Um alright, Hailey, take it away. Your turn.

#The Dragon Prince #Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcast #HBMP Podcast #TDP #Ruthari #Moonfam #HBMP Podcast transcription #TDP interview transcription #my posts

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waatermelon-sugaar · 4 years ago

Text

Annual General Meeting

Gif by @santigarcia

Pairing = Nathan x reader

Words = 1.7k

Summary = Nathan gets jealous at Blue Book’s AGM

Warnings = none I think

A/N = Prompt no.74 requested by @mariesackler as part of my 300 follower celebration, thanks so much, hope you like it! Prompt was “Are you really that jealous?” “You don’t even know how you make me feel.” w/ Nathan and bolded in text

this was kinda inspired by the fact that I’ve been to two AGM’s in as many weeks, and they are very boring. Only ever been to online ones, but I can’t imagine they’re much better in real life lol.

Posted to AO3

Masterlist

***

AGM’s are never fun.

Blue Book attempted to make it more fun (read: successfully made it worse) by having a ball afterwards, giving everyone a chance to relax and properly mingle. The last thing you ever wanted to do after a long boring day of listening to talks, was dress up nicely and talk to boring people about even more boring topics.

Networking wasn’t an instinct that came naturally to you, but you forced yourself to socialise at these events, well aware that this is where the most important people in the tech industry gathered, all on this one night.

Including Nathan Bateman.

You’d met him a couple of years ago, at this exact AGM. It had been your first time representing your company Aardvark on such a large scale, and you had, to put it politely, been bricking yourself.

You hadn’t known who Nathan was at first, mistaking him for someone else who didn’t know anyone in a room full of these big names. You’d gone up to the balcony that ringed the edge of the room for a break, needing a moment before you could compose yourself enough that you could bear even thinking about going back.

You recognised him from the conference earlier that day, having noticed him at the back of the room when you’d gone up to speak on Aardvark’s fiances, not paying a lick of attention to what you, or anyone else had to say, his fingers moving furiously over his phone.

“Enjoying the view?” You hadn’t expected him to speak, both of you occupying separate spaces.

“What?” You didn’t really want to talk to him, but you could see him wanting to come closer, tucking his phone away.

“I always think you can learn more about people’s intentions from up here.” He’s leaning on the rail, while you sit, decidedly not people-watching.

And yet, you get up, arranging your dress to stand next to him. “See him?” The stranger points at an older gentleman with an impressive white beard. “That’s Alfred. He really wants Felix, who’s standing to his left, to charm Nelson, because they want to start a joint venture between the two companies, but Nelson’s under strict orders to make no promises.”

You watch the three men talking for a moment, watching as Felix laughs more when Nelson speaks, and turn to the stranger next to you. “And here I was under the impression that you were jealous of his beard.”

The laugh he lets out is surprised and he looks at you. “What’s your name?” He asks.

You tell him, and the two of you shake hands. “Nathan.” He introduces himself. That should have been your first warning, but you still didn’t connect the dots.

You never ended up going back downstairs that night, instead staying with Nathan as he entertained you on all the reasons why Nelson would never accept the joint venture terms from Felix. You learned about Olivia, and how she’s recently asked for a promotion at her old company, only for them to say no, and how Blue Book has snapped her up with a promotion and a raise. “She’s good.” Is all Nathan would say on it.

It wasn’t until the next morning that you wondered how Nathan had known all of that, waking up to a stream of texts from him, when cold realisation slid down your back.

You could only stare in shock at your phone. Why hadn’t you realised last night? You couldn’t even blame it on alcohol.

And what started as texts also turned into the occasional facetime, when you couldn’t articulate your point well enough or fast enough via type.

And then you looked forward to the next AGM, and the one after, hoping that maybe this year you’ll be brave enough to make your move on Nathan.

Normally you’d spend the beginning of the evening talking to as many people as you could, so your managing director would hear that you’d attended, before taking the first opportunity to escape to the balcony, where you and Nathan could pass comments and scathing judgments on those down below.

“I hope Felix gathers up the courage to ask Olivia out one day.”

“Maybe tonight’ll be the night.” The two of you watch as Felix and Olivia make their way over to the bar, chattering and laughing. Olivia touches Felix’s arm as she laughs, slightly over the top. You’ve talked to Felix before, and he’s not that funny.

You keep scanning the crowd, looking for Alfred, gasping a little too loud when you catch sight of him. “Nathan!”

The speed he turns his attention to you would be flattering if you weren’t so distracted, groaning theatrically. “He’s shaved!”

Nathan turns to where you’re looking, catching sight of the distinctly younger-looking, clean-shaven Alfred. “That was my idea.” He’s so smug.

You hit him in the chest, not hard enough to hurt. “No you didn’t.”

“I so did. I may have casually put some prompts in front of him that implied that a beard is not in fashion anymore.”

“So you’ve just proved the point I’ve made for all these years,” you say, “You have been jealous of his beard.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but - “Sorry to interrupt.” It’s Nelson. “Would you like to dance?” He asks, holding out a hand to you.

Figuring you can’t say no without seeming rude, and hoping you maybe get a free drink out of it, you accept, hand brushing against Nathan’s in a silent apology as you leave.

Nelson’s nice enough, looking only a couple of years younger than you. As you follow him downstairs you briefly entertain the idea of going home with him at the end of the night. You know you could. You always have more confidence with people you’re not actually interested in.

However, you’ve never fully appreciated just how boring he is. Despite your best attempts all he wants to talk about is his business and Blue Book, and Nathan. Whose eyes you can feel burning a hole in your back throughout the whole dance.

At the end of the song, he gets you a drink, which you accept, before politely excusing yourself, feigning tiredness. You might actually fall asleep if you spend any longer in his presence.

You catch Nathan on his way downstairs, scowling. “Are you alright?”

“I’m going.” Was he this brusque before? “Do you still want me to walk you back to your hotel?”

You eye him up. Do you? He doesn’t look to be in the best mood. But then this is Nathan, who you won’t see until next year, so you say yes, dumping your free drink and grabbing your coat from the cloakroom on the way out.

Nathan’s unusually quiet on the way back, and a sneaking suspicion starts to appear. Suddenly your retelling of your dance with Nelson is shown in a much more flattering light way, the kind way he bought you a drink, and- “If you enjoyed dancing with that idiot so much, why didn’t you stay there with him?”

You stop walking, surprised, but pleased at his reaction. “Are you really that jealous?”

He just huffs. “I don’t get jealous.”

“No?” You raise an eyebrow as the two of you stand in the middle of the pavement under a streetlight. “You gonna tell me what all this is really about then?”

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, silent aside from the occasional car. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, eyes hidden in the shadows of his face.

You walk the rest of the way in silence, suddenly feeling much more alone. You’re not great at picking up hints but you’d have to blind to miss this one. Because he is jealous. That’s an undeniable fact. But he doesn’t want to say anything - why?

You stop, just outside the light spilling from your hotel lobby. “Nathan!” He doesn’t look at you, instead reaching for his phone in his pocket. You step closer to him, holding his wrist by his waist, forcing his phone to stay at his side.

“You don’t know how you make me feel, do you?” You’re trying to look at his face, trying to read him as best you can in the darkness, but he doesn’t want to see it. “Nathan, look at me. Really.” You sound desperate, but you don’t care. “Just. Look at me.”

So he does. His eyes are analytical, his face the way he looks when the two of you peer over the balcony. And he sees the dress you’re wearing, in a colour he’d once said was his favourite on you.

How soft your hand is on his wrist, still gripping him tightly as though you’re scared he’ll run. As he looks at you, your breath speeds up a little, hitching slightly in your throat. Your lips are slightly parted, and your eyes keep flicking between his eyes and lips. Your free hand is fluttering at your side like you want to touch him, and your body is leaning towards him.

Hesitantly, he puts his free hand on your waist, and you step closer to him. His eyes are still scanning your face. Has he really never seen you in this way before?

“Nathan…” His name is a whisper, but your heads are so close now. “What are you doing?” It’s a warning for him as his eyes desperately move across your body, his shortening in his chest.

When he speaks, his voice is lower than normal. “I never even dared imagine that…” He stops himself too soon, and looks away.

You put your hand on his cheek, bringing his gaze back to you. “What?” Your voice is soft, you don’t want to scare him away. You’re suddenly very conscious that Nathan has never before talked about an ex-anything with you, and you hate your brain for dropping that one on you now.

“You’re interested … like that … in me?”

You kiss him.

It’s soft, on the lips for a couple of seconds before stepping away, letting go of him.

You’re suddenly shy and you don’t know why. “Does that answer your question?”

Had it been lighter, you would have seen the blush rising on Nathan’s cheeks before he kisses you this time, keener and more insistent, his hand returning to your waist, while yours moves to his shoulder.

You take him up to your hotel room, and teach him what you really like.

***

Thanks for reading! Reblogs and comments mean the world to me 🥰🥰🥰

#nathan x reader #nathan bateman x reader #ex machina #nathan bateman #nathan bateman x you

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Oh lore?? I read your post on Dainsleif and BOY it gave me a lot to think about dsfjgkd

Along the same vein, what do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Kaenri'ah? In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In Mihoyo's other game (honkai) they introduced a new "type" about halfway through the story which seems to me to be similar to the abyss in Genshin. The quanta type is independent of the three types that were present from the beginning of the game and it's tied to an abyss style region called the Sea of Quanta. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and they don't plan to imitate what they did in Honkai but?? Time and being as new "elements" introduced a few years into the game seems possible at least?? Maybe they're exclusive to delusions bc there's only the seven Archons at this time so no one can grant time/being visions lol

Djfkdj I hope this was at least slightly understandable I love looking into lore especially for things I write about!! I'll end this now before it gets too long lmao the new tumblr asks give me too much power XD

TUMBLR DELETED MY REPLY AHHHHH I HAD TO RE-WRITE EVERYTHING. THAT’S WHY I’M LATE TO THE PARTY. I’M SO SORRY CATTY 😭

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Major spoilers for Khaenri’ah and minor spoilers for the unknown god

:DD I’m glad you read my word vomit haha. I love talking about lore so much, ty for enabling me.

What do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Khaenri’ah?

The logical side of my brain thinks:

They either have nothing to do with each other and Mihoyo really likes using the same star for everything and Khaenri’ah just happens to live in the void or sky so the easiest way to distinguish citizens from there is the star (or it was just hot to put star pupils in and you know what, they were right).

Or there’s some sort of connection between the Eclipse dynasty that ruined Khaenri’ah and the unknown god. Since genshin really likes to do that (see Zhongli and everyone calling him Morax before 1.1 dropped).

Re-watching the prologue cutscene and “we will be reunited” (Gonna refer to this a WWBR) Aether drew the same two stars into the sand which makes me believe that either a. stars literally have nothing to do with anything and Teyvat only knows how to draw one star (which doesn’t hold up well considering Mona’s outfit and pin) or b. there’s some kind of connection there. The way Paimon phrases her question she says:

“But when you wanted to leave and go onto the next world your path was blocked by an unknown god?”

It implies that Aether and Lumine have already travelled through Teyvat since we see two yellow stars travel over Liyue and Mondstadt. I know Aether was sent into some sort of deep sleep and only now awoke and met Paimon (since in the trailer we can see the lantern festival and the genshin upload was in march (chinese new year is in feb) but I’m not super sure on these details but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that this happened based on WWBR).

Then when the unknown god appears and the same 3 red stars appear [tumblr throws a fit when I try and upload this]

She refers to us as Outlanders and calls herself

“The sustainer of heavenly principles. The arrogation of mankind ends now.”

This could be a reference to “being” that was in the Albedo trailer while Dainsleif is “time” since time is "not something he lacks". If we’re going on the theory that Dainsleif is actually a god then maybe they are fighting? Or in some type of push and pull war. It would make sense since the Unknown God believes in heavenly principles (so the rules either set by Celestia or Gods themselves) and believes mankind is arrogant and wishes to either destroy it or remove it entirely. The complete opposite of Dainsleif who believes in mankind and hates anything relating to the Archons.

Or dainsleif has nothing to do with the unknown god and is just a final challenge to the player who will then face off against the Unknown God.

In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In this theory, this would make the Unknown God the god of time, which is also equally as valid. Since she does talk about time and how the arrogation of mankind ends now. I think it’s right to assume that Khemia makes use of being in its creation of life since we see Albedo talk about chalk and turning things from “nothing” (it’s not really nothing, he’s still using something or the “being” in order to transform it) to something.

If Dainsleif uses Khemia or even created it then taught it to the people of Khaenri’ah to help them survive in their archonless land, that could be a valid reason why he believes in the strength of mankind. Since the unknown god’s power seems to consume the person trapped within (as we see in the prologue). Plus in WWBR we see first hand how destructive that power is. This could also be the time where Dainsleif lost faith or hated the celestial beings.

---

In WWBR, according to the wiki it states that our sibling was taken to another point in time, in an unknown location. But this event leads the sibling (Lumine) to become the leader of the Abyss Order.

Lumine says:

“But until the abyss has engulfed the thrones, my war with destiny will see no end.”

Lumine seems to know about the archons and the abyss mages follow her so it’s safe to assume that the “abyss” she refers to is either something entirely new or the red blocks we see here. It seems as if she’s trying to change destiny which could be why Dainsleif wants to save her.

I will say right now, I really hope the theory that Paimon is secretly the unknown god doesn’t come true. I know it’s funny and I would enjoy seeing our emergency food pull a turned table on us but unless there are more instances where it’s hinted or it’s handled really well I would not like it. I just finished a manga and I felt like I was watching 20M plot twists happen in the span of 3 pages. I would totally be okay if the unknown god and paimon were somehow related (I can understand that) but I unless it’s handed really well or as the story progresses and we get more info on paimon. it would just be really out of left field. I haven’t seen any theories on this and I honestly try and stay away from lore posts until I’ve finished mine because I feel that might make my ideas biased.

The “everything must be connected into some kind of plotline or I will make it a plotline” brain thinks:

Now, this is just be spit balling and making up my own headcanons with no lore to go off on. This is pure indulgent stuff with no research to back it up besides very loose threads.

I’d like to believe that since the Eclipse Dynasty was the last dynasty before Khaenri’ah fell. That might be what is being depicting above in WWBR. Perhaps khemia backfired or the unknown god turned against the people for their arrogance (I’m not sure if people know the myth but in short terms, a giant stole fire to help the people who were cold. He was punished for going against the gods and saving the people, this could be similar to Dainsleif).

Perhaps Lumine and Aether had stopped this event from happening and as they were about to leave, the unknown god appears and separates them for their arrogant actions against the Gods and sends Lumine back to the past. Without her brother she ended up failing in saving Khaenri’ah. Or, the image we see is actually the future and she goes back in time to try and prevent that event from occurring, still trying to beat destiny but this time in the future.

Or another idea, Lumine has only seen the evil that’s depicted and hasn’t personally met any of the archons. We actually got to meet Venti and Zhongli so we obviously want to protect them from Lumine’s point of view, that might not be the same so she aligns with the abyss order that tries to control Dvalin. So her goal is to somehow defeat the archons and that could be why the Cyro archon is trying to collect them all in her war of peace.

Honkai and quanta

It’s kinda funny but there’s no reliable wiki source for this sea of quanta like there is for genshin, or at least I couldn’t find anything. I think they might nod at certain things between the two but I think it’s totally fine to believe they might do some sort of crossover and take some inspiration. We have Mona who was able to read the stars and Scaramouche who said the sky was a giant hoax so I think time and being becoming new elements is very possible. But I don’t really know a lot about Honkai so I can’t really say too much about it haha.

---

Yep no worries, it was fun talking about some more lore and if you have any more I’d love to hear them. Haha, honestly pop off I love getting long asks. As always, it’s nice seeing you again catty 💕💕

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin lore #genshin impact lore #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers #genshin theory #genshin impact theory #genshin dainsleif #genshin impact dainsleif #genshin unknown god #genshin impact unknown god #dainsleif #genshin khaenri'ah #genshin lumine #genshin aether #genshin impact lumine #genshin impact aether #lumine

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sonia7atm · 4 years ago

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BRIDGERTON BOOK SERIES REVIEW.

So here it is, before I start I just wanted to say that I’m in no way shape or form an expert in english or literature for that matter. English is my third language and I’m studying science. Having said that, I have read all eight books in less than two weeks and I have a lot of opinions that I wanted to share so here they are. Obviously: SPOILERS AHEAD

The series in its entirety

The bridgerton series is probably the best written series that I have ever read. I loved the fact that it is made up of 8 books, but also the way the books are structured. In each of the books we focus on one of the siblings and their significant others, and even when the side characters are there, they are not really a main focus of the story. This means you can pick up a random Bridgerton book without having read the other ones and you would not feel like you are missing something. I really liked this because it meant that with each book you were getting to know a different sibling, thus you are never really bored and there wasn’t unnecessary drama happening with the already established couples, which is refreshing at the least.

However, it does have setbacks. In some of the books, you find that this side characters really change from the way they appear in the background or the other novels, and it can be difficult to digest at first. Another flaw that I found is with the brothers' books. When I was reading some of the books dedicated to the men of the family sometimes I found that we don’t spend enough time with them and when you finish the books you don’t have an understanding of who they are. Maybe I’m not making sense but I’ll elaborate in each book a little bit more.

But in the end, even these little flaws, I had a great time reading the books and finding out what was happening with the family.

My favourite book - AOFAG

I know some people have trouble ranking the Bridgerton books, especially, the favourite one, but I’m not one of them. I am obsessed with “An offer from a gentleman”, I love the story, I love Sophie, I love Benedith and I love Violet Bridgerton with all of my heart. This book is great from the start, even though b, the third book you know a happy ending is what the book is leading to, it still excites you and makes you wonder. AMAZING DARE I SAY.

Sophie is one of my favourite characters in all of the books. She has a strong morals system and you get really inspired by her. All of the things she goes through are horrible, but she still remains such a calm and kind individual that I cannot help but stan. HARD. She has very strong ideas and morals and she sticks with them even when they mean losing Benedict. I found this message really important and powerful because we usually see the opposite: people changing their views for their significant other, and I don’t think it's right. So, hereby I declare Sophie QUEEN of the Bridgerton clan.

Moving on to Benedict, I heard a little bit of criticism with his actions in this book and I see where they are coming from, but I don’t share them. I think Benedict is one of the brothers that suffers from a really deep female counterpart and as such his thoughts are not fully explored. In my opinion Benedict is tormented by the fact that he is the second Bridgerton and nothing more (similar to Colin and kinda Gregory really), and also by the fact that he lost the woman at the ball. On top of that, Sophie comes along and he starts falling for her and he feels guilty that he is falling for someone else, so he doesn’t fully commit to Sophie but also doesn’t really leave her. It’s a messed up situation and he doesn’t make the best decisions but I understand his actions and I support him. The only thing that really annoyed me about Benedict is that he doesn’t recognize Sophie at all. I wanted to hit him, hard, in the head, with a fucking piano.

Now the best of the best: Violet Bridgerton. She was the surprise character of this book in that prison scene. In the previous book you still see her and like her but she saves the day in this one, and I felt like I really knew her after that. She is not the typical ton mother, she really values their children’s happiness and takes everyone under her wing. She knows who she is and the importance her family has and she uses her powers for good. I gained so much respect for her. A surprise character and a great one.

To sum it up, Benedict and Sophie are perfect to each other, like this mellow entity. Two kind souls, always happy, always calm. Of course they live in the countryside, they could not live anywhere else.

Top tier books - WHWW, RMB, TVWL

WHEN HE WAS WICKED

This book wrecked me, I have to admit I was a mess, I could not deal. A tragic story with so much longing and guilt and despair, I love a drama, man this is great. I went in knowing the basics of it but I was not prepared.

The poor Francesca has the most devastating story in my opinion: she suffers from infertility, her husband dies, she doesn’t feel like she fits in her family, and when she falls in love Michael is sick, WHY?!. Throughout the book you get to see how strong she is, how strong-willed she is. We are not talking about this enough. She loves with all her heart and she suffers with all of it too. She and Michel have a really strong chemistry and it translates really well. I think she was really clever to wait and think before committing to Michael, and I see how she would need to see him in danger to really let herself fall completely. In the end, she knows what losing someone you love feels like and she doesn’t want to feel that again. I understand. Also, an important part of Francesca's journey is to realize that loving someone else doesn’t diminish her feelings for John, and I love how Michael acknowledges it.

Michael is a really interesting character who falls in love at first sight with the wrong woman. He is fully aware of this fact and it is really good to see that he doesn’t doubt his love for her, but is instead aware of the impossibility of doing something about it. Even when he can do something about it, his respect for his cousin is always present. The guilt he feels for loving Francesca both when John was alive and after he died is so different but so well written. It’s eating him up and It is painful to read to be honest. However, I found that said guilt disappeared rather quickly after his conversation with Colin. I may be the only one but I was a little bit put off by it, and that’s why this is not my favourite book in the series.

THE VISCOUNT WHO LOVED ME

The bees, I could talk about the bees for days after reading this one. This one has a lot of Bridgerton backstory, and it explains so much of the rest of the bunch even if not directly. So I would say not to skip it (but why would you skip any of them?).

Kate Sheffield is one of the best written characters in this series. She is complex, fierce but delicate, confident but self-conscious. I would kill for her, she deserves it. Her family dynamics are impeccable. You feel the love between these three women and the roles they have, and you get them really quickly: Edwina is the little sister, a little naive but good-hearted, Kate is the fierce older sister and Mary is the compassionate step-mother. I really enjoyed their dynamics. The introduction of Kate’s character is by presenting her goal for the season: defend her sister. When Anthony enters the pool of suitors, she obviously opposes and their back and forth shows she is very witty. But as the story goes on we get to see her insecurities and fears, in a way that it’s so in character but at the same time so different from the start. It’s amazing and I can see why she is such a fan favourite.

Anthony is a baby.We can see how Edmund’s death really scarred him, and those wounds are deep. He believes in his own demise so blindly that it is conditioning all of his decisions.He grows a lot until he is able to share them with Kate and they bond so beautifully over it. Getting to see that, was something that I loved and enjoyed so much. It makes you really connect with both of the characters and it explains so much of his behaviour, that even if he frustrates you, you can’t be mad because you understand where he comes from.

Newton is the guest star in this one and I would like to take our time to appreciate the captain of the Kanthony ship. This little dog is such a plot device, put there to cause havoc and bring Kate and Anthony together, it is so funny. He smelled Anthony and decided he wanted a new dad. Put a plan in march, probably alerted his friend, THE bee.

ROMANCING MR BRIDGERTON

The message of this book is amazing. The journey they both go through to re-know each other is beautiful. Penelope and Colin have known each other for years, and they both have a version of the other in their minds but as the story progresses they unveil hidden personality traits about each others and I love how it is acknowledge and developed into a clear message of “people are flawed and not the perfect individual you wish them to be, and that’s ok”. It is really necessary and it made me reflect on my own relationships and how I could improve them. Colin and Penelope have to be my favourite couple of the series, but, because they were because of the show and not the books, when I finished this book I was left feeling like I wanted more, and that is why it is not my favourite one.

This is the book where readers find out Penelope is Lady Whiseldown and it is a big plot line. However, this revelation is maybe halfway through the book and until then, Penelope's inner monologue doesn’t reveal anything. I would have loved to really focus on it and know from the start how she really did it but at the same time, we get to see so much of Pen’s growth anyways. She is shy and kind but when she is with someone she trusts (in this case Colin and Lady Danbury), she is full of wit and boldness. I see myself so much in these characteristics that I cannot help but make her my favourite character in the series (totally biased but it is what it is). She starts with a sense of discontent about her, she knows her fate and accepts it but, she doesn’t necessarily like it. She is trying to change the way people see her and Lady Danbury helps a lot with it. She and Colin spend a lot of the book kind of on opposite sides in part because of their own demons, she wants to prove herself and at the same time is faced with the realization that the Colin she made up in her mind is not the real one. It really makes you wonder if it’s a happy ending at the end of it, because they both have such strong points but they are so diverse. At the end, after they talk about it, their relationship is full of devotion and you feel how they are making each other focused and better. I would die for them.

Colin is such a tumultuous character and it is a stark contrast on how we get to see him in the previous and following books. He is used to putting the charm on and fooling everybody but, of course, in this book we explore his inner workings and now we know the truth. He is just a lost puppy, looking for something to do with his life, and he is so focused on this search and runnin away for his family that he doesn’t see that there is already something that he is good about: writing. His relationship with Pen is obviously key in all of this searching because it pushes his limits and makes him think. His realization, of both his vocation and his love are slow and steady. He sometimes jumps to conclusions and rushes things *ahem*the proposal*cough* but not love, and once he commits he does it fully. The “stay, stay, stay” scene is a monumental hallmark in the book. We see Colin really deciding and choosing Penelope and Lady Whistle down with all that it entails. And later on, he opens out about his jealousy over her work, but he does it when he is ready, and Pen allows him to come to her when he needs without judgement. They are so perfect it hurts.

The lack of Eloise is an insult to my soul but we get Lady Danbury as the guest star. She is on Penelope's corner helping her navigate the ton and her relationship with Colin, as a mother figure would. I believe she at least has a big suspicion that she is LW, but I might be wrong.

All-nighter books - OTWTTW, IIHK. ON THE WAY TO THE WEDDING

Gregory’s book is full of twists and turns that you just cannot put it down. Not the fact that the main female character is Lucy and not Hermoine, like Gregory thinks half of the book, just because you don’t. It is pretty clear that Lucy is our heroine so the fact that Gregory falls for her is not a twist itself because we (and Kate) already know. But in my opinion, the fact that it starts with Gregory interrupting the wedding and then it goes back and explains the backstory to you, so it is constantly leading up to it.

Lucy is not the most interesting of the female leads but it is part of her charm. She is a normal girl, her life is already arranged, so she doesn’t feel the pressure the rest of them do, she is just enjoying herself. She doesn’t believe in love, and it is so funny how in denial she is about it, until it all explodes.

Gregory’s life was influenced by her brothers before him and his big family but he feels so alone because of the age difference. He is trying to find his place in life and, because he saw all of his siblings fall in love he wants the same thing so badly, that he confuses desire with love. He is so precious, and must be protected at all costs.

The last few chapters are action packed, there’s an urgency in everyone's actions: Lucy, trying to save her family and Gregory, trying to save Lucy. I couldn’t figure out what was going to happen and that hooked me. The fact that the wedding actually takes place is the most shocking plot of all of the books.

To conclude, Gregory owns my heart and I trust him with it.

IT’S IN HIS KISS

This story is another “all-nighter”, because it revolves around a mystery and the search for Gareth’s grandmother lost jewels. This quest brings Hyacinth and Gareth together, with a lot of Lady Danbury’s help. It’s really interesting to read about the felonies they commit, all of them instigated by Hyacinth, who, in my opinion, is chaos personified.

Hyacinth is the most forward-thinking woman of this series. She is outspoken, confident, loud and apologetic. All of these traits really set her apart, because she doesn’t play by the rules of society, she does what she pleases, and she should. She is the typical little sister, a little spoiled but with a good heart. Her conversations with Violet are really touching.

Gareth on the other side, is not in a good place with his family, and it is endearing to see how shocked he is by the Bridgerton’s closeness. He has a severe lack of self love, and sees himself as an imposter, and not worthy of Hyacinth. But when he falls, OMG, HE FALLS. His attitude towards Hyacinth’s personality is amazing because he loves her exactly as she is, and knows he will be following her orders for the rest of his life. Adorable. (He is the “That’s my wife” meme).

Lady Danbury is again the guest star and it only helps to cement her as the cool grandma that we all aspire to be. An honorable mention is Anthony getting super-duper happy that all of his sisters are married and therefore he is free (my poor guy).

However, the main issue I have with this book is that the decision of getting married is really attached to Gareth’s need to vex his father, who is a horrible person, and it makes me mad.

Not my favourite books - TSPWL, TDAI

TO SIR PHILIP WITH LOVE

In this book Eloise decides running off to meet a possible husband is a great idea. Her brain, I can’t. Obviously the Bridgerton brothers follow her and force the two to marry anyways, although they were already falling in love when they found her. Phillip, Eloise's love interest is a loner and lives outside of the ton and I think that these traits really work with her because they are polar opposites but at the same time they fit so well. The relationship Eloise has with Amanda and Oliver is so cute, because you can see that these kids just need some attention and help navigating the world without her mother and Eloise is there for them.

However, even though I loved their storyline and I wanted to rank this higher I couldn’t. The other Bridgertons are a big part of this book and when I was thinking back on it the parts that I remember fondly the most are when Anthony, Benedict, Colin and Gregory arrive to kill talk to Philip, and then when Charles is ill and we get to see Benedict and Sophie as parents. So, I like this book because of side characters and not the main ones, even though I know there is nothing wrong with them. However, I do think the book is ok and I would recommend it nevertheless.

THE DUQUE AND I

I don’t have much to say about this book. The r*pe is completely unnecessary in my opinion. Daphne and Simon have terrible communication skills, but so do Kate and Anthony, for example, but still, the repercussions are not that severe. It is so much worse in the books and it has no consequences whatsoever. Up until that point, the enemies to secret dating to falling in love is such a classic thorpe that I usually like, but I cannot separate the two of them. In fact, I would advise to skip this one.

Hapily Ever After

Thank you to the heavens for this book. It is just a little exploration of all of the sibling’s future and an extra story for Violete.

Daphne’s story revolves around her last pregnancy. A surprise one when she is quite old. I found it really sweet and it looks like she and Simon are really happy with their life so good for them. Also, Colin and Penelope visit with all of their children so I’m obligated to like it.

The TVWLM continuation is a get together in Aubrey Hall for a Pall Mall rematch. I had so much fun reading it and getting to see all of the Bridgertons interact in a “relaxed” manner.

Sophie and Benedict’s story focuses on Posy and her search for a husband. She is lovely and I do want her happiness but getting to see Sophie and Benedict interact while actually together was a treat. I feel very blessed to see them be the balls of sunshine they both are.

Then we get to see how Eloise found out Lady Whisheldow’s identity. It was fun, and we get to see Pen and Eloise being friends, which we don’t get enough of in their respectives books. Colin and Penelope leaving the wedding early, was a gem. They are a couple of horny idiots and I love to see it. After that, we focus on Eloise again and we get to see a little bit more about Amanda and Oliver.

One of the main things about Francesca in her book is the fact that she wants a baby, and it is never resolved. In this one, we get to see how Francesca and Michael become parents and it's another heartbreaking one. We get to see how worried Violet is for her and also how Michael and Francesca talk and understand each other. They are one of the best relationships on this series, I said what I said.

In IIHK the diamonds are never found, but we find them here. It is great to know they were not missing and also a relief to know that Gareth was able to rescue the family even without them. The fact that Isabella actually finds them and proceeds to say nothing is hilarious. But when Hyacinth finds them the happiness she feels is so wholesome.

Then we get to see Gregory and Lucy’s twins be born (their 8th and 9th children). It is not an easy task and for a moment I was afraid for Lucy but it all works out in the end. It was filled with great moments but the one that I like the most is when Gregory says that Katherine gave him purpose in life, because he was meant to be a dad. I cried ngl.

And lastly, we meet Edmund. He is very present throughout the book but I was not expecting to grow so attached to him with this little story. It is divided in different stages of Violet’s life and obviously we get to see her romance with Edmund. I loved the little details, his behaviour reminded me of Gregory but he eats a lot like Colin so it is great to see where they get their traits from. The later parts, after he dies, show you how much importance Violet puts on remembering him and preserving his memory. They were truly soulmates, and it is such a shame that their time together was cut short.

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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Dobbear! SYAC: The Master Review 6

I am so going to ruin someone’s childhood with that now, but...

guys, it had to be done!

Dashing and daring…

Courageous and caring!

Faithful and friendly…

With stories to share!

Doesn’t at all apply to this one artist…

Lesbian obsessed and each nerddom’s nightmare!

Dobby BEAR!

Whinning here and there and everywhere!

Making claims that are beyond compare…

This is our Dobby-Bear!

Yeah, if you can’t guess, around now is the time I am going to put down the kids gloves and will really dig into why SYAC is garbage. And a huge factor into this, is in part Dobson’s self insert past 2012.

The existence of the blue bear as Dobson officially calls it (or Dobbear as most people call it) is in my opinion rather baffling already in terms of design choices.

I get e.g. that Dobson wanted to distance himself of his past humanoid self inserts as much as possible. But why of all things a bear?

The fact I am focused on that may sound weird, but hear me out for a bit. For starters, I know that Dobson likes western animation. And seeing how western animation has for the longest time been dominated by anthropomorphic animals, I can understand why he would redesign himself as a funny cartoon animal.

But there are at least three things that feel weird about it. First, Dobson had made it clear in the past that he hates furries. So him actually redesigning himself as an anthropomorphic animal is kinda weird

In fact, Dobson himself acknowledges that realization in one of his strips shortly after his fursona took over.

Second, of all the animals to choose from, why a bear? This question is in so far valid, as that bears are not necessarily one of the first to go animals, furries or western animators tend to go for when designing an anthro. And before any furries or anthro enthusiasts are calling me a hater, let me make one thing clear: I like anthropomorphic cartoon and comic characters too, and am okay with most furries. As long as you don’t have a diaper fetish, are a pedophile or hurt actual animals, you can do and enjoy whatever you like.

But I am also aware enough of furry culture to know, that bear based anthros are most of the time hyper sexualized and muscular, connecting them to how the term “bear” is used in real life gay culture. Which is okay, I think it is just a funny coincidence that Dobson choose an animal, that most furries associate with a life style that Dobson is deeply afraid of, even if he claims to be an LGBT ally.

And as stated earlier, bears are not necessarily the go to animals for animators.

Don’t get me wrong, we all know some cartoon bears like Winnie the Pooh, Yogi Bear, Poh and the main cast of TaleSpin (btw, Kit Cloudkicker fan for life). But lets be honest here; ducks, mice, rabbits, canines, felines, equines and any other “easily to domesticate” animal in the real world tends to make better for easily recognizable cartoon characters than something that can reach a size of 3 meters tops and weigh over 500 pounds.

Truth be told, the pool of cartoon bears is so small, these are the first two things that came to my mind when thinking what may have inspired the Dobbear

And wouldn’t you know? According to Dobson, the Carebears were supposedly the main inspiration for his design.

Unfortunately, this is also more or less the most I could find of Dobson addressing what went into the creation of the character.

Which kinda brings me also to the third issue as why I think the bear redesign is weird; It is too sudden.

One day Dobson draws himself as a shaved 20 something, the next day he is a fedora wearing Carebear clone, likely created and then rejected by Care Bear villain No Heart, as part of a plot to create a mole when conquering Care-A-Lot.

… and now I need to reevaluate my choices in life, that I was able to make such an elaborate Carebear joke.

It is just a change of design that in my opinion should have been addressed either outside of the comic or in context of it. Which it kinda is, but isn’t.

See, this is the first strip with the blue bear

And then only 13 strips or so later in something called “Continuity” is Dobson more or less willing to address the change…

And he does so in a passive aggressive manner, with Persistent Pam as a stand in for those asking him what is going on, while Dobson just dismissively continues working.

On one hand, you can argue that this is just the joke. The change happened, don’t bother with it, just enjoy what is still to come. And you know, I don’t want to make a rope out of everything Dobson ever posted, including that comic.

But then you have also to account for the fact, that Dobson would eventually associate himself with the blue bear so much, he made him his avatar and icon for his comics and online accounts. In fact, that one comic I posted WAY BACK in the first Master post of Dobson reminiscing how he started SYAC?

For reasons that are a bit confusing to me, he redrew himself (badly I have to add) as the blue bear in one of his earliest strips ever. The one where he belittles the manga fangirl for drawing manga. So I have to ask, what is going on here? Has Dobson increasingly decided to reset his past? Does he want to destroy any traces of his “human” self in his work to create the illusion to any new readers, that he never was as controversial of a person as he was and that there never was a need for him to reimagine and reinvent himself? Is this 1984? And how many of you realize that this paragraph is just me going conspiracy nuts for the sake of entertainment?

But still, it is kinda weird that he went to the bother of redrawing his human self in that one background sketch as a bear. Plus, I honestly think Dobson never even attempting to “explain” the change in the pages of his comics is a wasted opportunity for some decent jokes. Like every time Dobson tries to explain why he is a bear now, something interrupts him or we only get fragments of a story that if we put them together would be as ridiculous as the entirety of “Trapped in the Closet”.

I mean, the dumbest joke idea I have in mind is that Dobson went to build a bear to get a present for a family member. Instead he was build into a bear and later on successfully sued the company, which explains why he can afford to live despite not really working on comics anymore but lecture people badly about the evils of nerd culture.

So yeah, three major things about the design choice that more or less confuse me.

But here is the thing: Confusion is nothing compared to feeling genuine disdain for the design at hand. And compared to Dobson’s earlier human designs, Dobbear is just utterly unlikable.

A lot of that boils down to the following three facts:

1. From a certain point in time on (which I will cover in more detail later on) Dobson uses his bearsona primarily as a soapboxing mouth piece to talk about “politics” in nerd culture. Or at least what Dobson perceives as politics, coming off like a condescending jackass who believes among other things that white people are inherently incapable to identify with black people…

… or that comic book shops have radicalized nerd culture, essentially calling them terror cells.

Which btw are so inherently offensive to me, I promise I will cover these two separately. One even sooner than the other.

2. If Dobbear is not talking about politics, he will tend to be a smug asshole to other people (most of the time strawmen) or their interests in one way or another. Being e.g. used by Dobson to express his disdain for criticism…

or to mock legit criticism he had gotten by exaggerating things.

All while also tending to make his critics look like inherent assholes.

These two facts, combined with Dobson’s average erratic behavior online on platforms such as dA, twitter and tumblr over the years, pretty much assured such a close association between the two, that a separation between artist and creation was not possible anymore, condemning them.

And for the record; Dobson was always a bit of a whinner who liked to act as if he was a better nerd than the average comic book fan. Otherwise, we would have not e.g. gotten Danny and Spot out of it.

But as the years went by in the last decade, Dobson turned from someone in his mid 20s, desperate to be seen as a “quirky” and likable internet persona (like certain internet reviewers), into a virtue signaling, lesbian obsessed asshole who likely regrets his life choices.

… Like certain internet reviewers.

But seriously, Dobson turned into someone who would flip the lid at something as ridiculous as Cheeto flavored chicken fries…

While also being just the worst type of condescending nerd….

All while losing his mind about politics. Especially after Donald Trump became president

And just as Dobson became a radicalized left winged jackass who saw politics in everything he consumed, so did by default Dobbear, because Dobbear was not a character with his own personality, but a mouth piece.

Something I am about to get into detail in the near future. But till then, I want to cover in the next post the following third and final fact about Dobbear that really makes him unlikable to me: The fact he can’t be happy.

#syac #Andrew Dobson #dobbear #tom preston #so...you are a cartoonist #review #master review #webcomic #comics

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writeroutoftime · 5 years ago

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lost in love and time - chapter 1

CATCH UP - PROLOGUE PART 1, PROLOGUE PART 2

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: haunted mansion au - flash forward to present time and natasha and sam can’t seem to drag you away from work. when they finally do, what is it about a call that pulls you to this house?

warnings: none

words: 2092

a/n: first of all, I am so so sorry for the long wait in between the prologue and this chapter! life kinda got in the way, but I am back on track now! also, bucky is not in this chapter, but don’t you worry he is coming soon and this is really important to set up the rest of the story! so, please enjoy, stay safe, and have a lovely day!

oOoOo

Present Day

The soft and steady tune of a waltz pulls your mind away from the paperwork in front of you and transports you to another world. It is a world you’ve traveled to many times, but one you can never place your finger on. There was the familiar presence of someone near you, but as always, it was impossible to identify who they were. All you could make out was the protective and comforting feeling they provide you with. The waltz grows in volume in your mind, but keeps the same, steady tempo as you and the haze of the presence with you glided across a blurry room. The dance continues, and you feel yourself grow lighter and lighter, the room starting to come into focus. You could now make out a faint outline of the man you were dancing with, and the rest of the room follows with it, until –

“y/n!” Natasha shouted, pulling you out of your daydream.

Her voice snapped your eyes open and you all but gasp at sound of it, jumping slightly in your chair. Papers that were on your desk flew to the floor from your sudden movement, and you hurried to pick them up. “Did it happen, again?” you asked.

Natasha nodded with a small smirk. “And just as I was getting that song out of my head.”

“Try having it stuck in your mind all the time.” you groaned in frustration. “I’ll never be able to place it.”

For as long as you could remember, you had this tune stuck in your head that you could never identify. It was some kind of waltz that had the power to distract you. Each time that happened, it was as though you were pulled into some kind of memory, but nothing ever became clear or made sense to you. No matter how many songs you listened to or how many hours you spent pouring over classical compositions to find something similar to what you heard, you always came up empty.

“Well, I’m just here to collect those files on that house you just completed. There’s a potential client who wants to see the new design.” she said, but you caught her apologetic look at your frustration.

Immediately, you began to look for said files among the mess that was on your desk. You worked at a firm that specialized in designing, decorating, and selling high-scale houses, and you were one of their top interior decorators. Many clients asked for you specifically because of the way you were able to pull inspiration from vintage decoration, yet still give buildings a fresh and modern feel.

As you looked for the files, Natasha glanced around the office, noticing how cluttered everything was. There were unused mugs and containers from past meals scattered throughout. “When was the last time you went home, girl?” she asked. “Or went on a date, for that matter.” she mumbled, but you caught her quip at your lack of a love life.

“Very funny.” you deadpanned as you handed the files over. “And for your information, I went on a date about two weeks ago.”

“And?” Natasha asked, now seated in the chair across from your desk, an excited smile on her face.

There was a moment of hesitation before you responded, not meeting her eyes. “I didn’t call him back.”

“y/n!” she groaned and threw her arms up in frustration.

“What?” you defended. “He just wasn’t the right guy, I could tell.”

Your friend rolled her eyes at the answer she had heard a million times before. “They never are. How can you know after just one date?”

“I just do, okay?” you grumbled, not wanting to have this conversation again. “I know the right guy is out there, and I’ll know when I find him.” you added as you waked to the window that looked out over the city.

Since you were young, you had believed that there was one perfect person out there for everybody – you just had to find them. As you grew older, those around you began to reject that notion, but you held onto it even tighter. Why shouldn’t you wait for the one you were meant to be with? And maybe it was taking longer, than you (or Natasha) would like, but that didn’t matter to you. When it happened, you would know.

Recently, though, you did have to admit that you had been spending more time at work and less time socializing off the clock. It just didn’t feel right to you. For some reason, you never really felt connected to this day and age and how people wanted to ‘hang out’ by clubbing and going on Tinder dates. Some called you old fashioned, but you just knew what you liked. So, while others were out doing that, you threw yourself into your job.

Luckily, before Natasha could suggest yet another blind date to set you up with, the two of you were interrupted.

“How’s my favorite interior designer and realtor doing?” you heard and turned to find Sam in the doorway to your office.

A smile stretched across your face as you greeted Sam and motioned for him to come in and join you and Natasha. When you started working at Stark Realtors, Sam and Natasha had been the first two people you met, and the three of you had remained friends since. Despite you being an interior designer, Natasha being a relator, and Sam being an architect, you all, surprisingly, found yourselves spending time together both in and out of work.

“Fine. Just thinking that y/n here needs to take a little break from work.” Natasha said with a teasing grin.

Before you could make your case, Sam made himself comfortable in and chair and grinned. “Hell yeah! I’m down for a weekend away. How ‘bout this weekend?” he asked, casually.

“Perfect.” Natasha said and her head snapped towards you, curiously.

“Guys, as much as I’d love to spend the weekend with you, I can’t.” you said and rushed to look busy by putting some papers away in your file cabinet.

Groans of protests came from Sam and Natasha at your statement. “Come on, y/n!” Sam pleaded.

“I’ve seen your schedule for this weekend.” Natasha said. “You’re completely free.”

Your mouth opened at her words, trying to think of a counterargument. After a moment, you closed your mouth and placed your hand on your hip and glared at her, hoping she would cave. It was a lost cause, and one you shouldn’t have engaged in. Natasha was the master of the stare down, and you knew that within a minute she would have you agreeing to go on the trip.

Her gaze intensified, and somehow gave off an authoritarian, yet innocent look, and you were the first look away. “Damn it!” you mumbled. A sigh left your lips, but after a moment you turned to your friends with a slight smile. “Alright, I guess we’re going away this weekend.”

They cheered at your words and promised to take care of everything. All you had to do was pack, and pick them up tomorrow, after work. Not long after, Natasha left with the papers she had originally come in for, and Sam offered you a hug before he left.

Once your office was empty once more, you fell back into your desk chair and exhaled loudly through your mouth. Silence once more washed over you, and you willed the tune that had been stuck in your head earlier, not to come back. For a small amount of time, you focused on the paperwork you needed to complete and file, shuffling papers around every few minutes. It wasn’t until the phone rang that you were pulled out of your bubble.

“y/n y/l/n, interior designer for Stark Relators. How may I help you?” you answered, eyes still focused on your paperwork.

“y/n, y/l/n?” the voice confirmed, slightly nervous.

You forced a sigh back at the repetitiveness of the caller so far. “Yes, sir. How can I help you today?” you asked, again.

“Well, I was wondering if maybe you had time to stop by the house I work at for a consultation? My employer is looking for a change, and you come highly recommended.” the man on the phone spoke.

The tone surprised you, but you quickly balanced the phone between your ear and shoulder and grabbed your calendar. “Of course, sir. When would be most convenient for you and your employer?”

“Tomorrow. Tomorrow would most likely work best.” he spoke hurriedly.

As you were about to confirm the appointment, you remembered that tomorrow afternoon you were leaving with Sam and Natasha, and you were booked with meetings and other appointments all morning. “I’m so sorry, sir, but tomorrow doesn’t work for me. I could do first thing on Mon- “

“No!” he all but shouted, then cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but I must ask, is there any way it could be tomorrow?” he almost pleaded. “I promise it will be worth your while. It is quite a big project.” he added trying to entice you.

Right as you were about to decline, something inside of you told you to accept. “Alright, sir.” you agreed and settled on a time for early evening, and he gave you the address.

At the end of the call, you thanked him for his time, and hung up, a smile on your face. Sam and Natasha were going to kill you, but it would be – at most – a thirty-minute delay before you could start your weekend away together. What could go wrong?

oOoOo

When Friday came around, you had everything packed and got in your car to go pick up Sam, and then you picked up Natasha. As soon as she stepped out of her apartment, she took one look at your outfit and gave you a pointed glare. “Really, y/n?” she asked, arms crossed over her chest.

Sam, who had been messing with the music, looked up. “What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t notice y/n’s outfit? Don’t you think it’s a little strange to be wearing something so professional for a weekend away?” she asked Sam, though she kept her gaze on you the whole time.

Her stare made you squeamish and you couldn’t help the guilt that was rising within you. Instead, you just waited for her to get in the car and drove away. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t refuse this consultation.” you finally said, your voice at least had the decency to sound shameful.

“A consultation, really?” Sam asked, sighing in frustration.

Natasha threw her arms in the air. “The whole point of this weekend is to get away from work, and now you’re driving straight towards it.”

In your defense, this was an offer you couldn’t pass up, and, again, you had felt some pull to accept it. “Like I said, this is a big deal, and not just for me. Maybe their looking to sell this house, which could mean big bucks for you Natasha. And Sam, maybe as the designer, I could suggest that some architectural changes be made.” you tried to persuade your friends.

After a moment of silence, Sam spoke up. “How long is this going to take?”

“Thirty minutes at most.” you guaranteed.

The silence that followed that time, you took as reluctant acceptance. The drive continued, until you turned down a dirt road that was long and somewhat narrow. It felt like it wouldn’t end, and the further down the path you drove, the further from the outside world you got. Whoever lived here, did not want to be disturbed. Finally, you could see some property ahead of you that most likely belonged to the employer of the man you had spoken to on the phone.

Your pressure on the gas began to slow as you saw gates ahead of you, and eventually you stopped, and all three of you let out a gasp. Bent over the steering wheel to get a better look, you gazed upon the glorious mansion that was in front of you. It was a grand, white structure that had pillars down the front and iron gates placed around the house. It gave off a late Victorian feel and you thought it looked absolutely beautiful. Of course, the grounds surrounding it needed a bit of love, and it truly looked like no one lived there, but you still loved it.

“Just look at it.” you whispered, more so to yourself.

“Now how do we get through the gates?” Sam asked.

oOoOo

tags: @readermia @mgk-rooklover1997 @crazinessgraveyardsandcartoons @dabooks23 @loser-alert @themeanestlittlewitch @peaches-roses-sins @tiffanynguyen03

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #lost in love and time #haunted mansion au

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Everybody Knows You're High, 2/4 (Rajila) - Dartmouth420

“And on the deck while I waited for her to get dressed, I sparked up another one and I was such a mess that I confess that my professor wouldn’t look me in the eye…”

Summary: Raja has a great time at her philosophy class this week, Manila strategically turns the whole situation into a joke, but their attempts to one-up each other go a little too far…

A/N: this chapter is dedicated to the term ‘making out,’ and how vague and ridiculous it is lmao. thank you V&albatross for the shoutout!

tw: weed

Raja forgot that it was a Tuesday and smoked a huge blunt just after noon, before remembering that she had to leave for class in fifteen minutes. Uh oh.

But luckily Professor A. O’Hara’s philosophy class was a lecture and that meant Raja didn’t need to participate, she could just sit in the low-lit room, stare at the slides and let the words wash over her. Which was totally doable while high. Also, Manila was in that class, so Raja didn’t want to skip it.

Pleasantly hazy, Raja threw an open button-up shirt over her tank top, wandered over to Manila’s house a few doors down and knocked on the door.

Manila answered, her face pink and sweaty, her fantastic legs clad in neon green leggings.

“I just got back from the gym,” said Manila, “I still need to change, just give me a sec-“

“Sure,” said Raja, leaning casually against the porch railing. Manila looked pretty cute, all warm and sweaty like that. Raja reached into her front pocket and found a tiny little joint she must have forgotten in there the last time she’d worn this shirt.

Well, she was already high, so why the hell not? Raja sighed happily, thanking whatever deities had decided to smile upon her today as she fished her lighter out of her shorts, and lit up.

Manila came back out a few minutes later, in a neat little corduroy skirt that hugged her hips, shirt tucked in, and said, “Oh my god, are you getting high right now?”

“Yeah,” replied Raja, happy and content, “I forgot it was Tuesday and started earlier, figured I may as well lean in, right?”

Manila rolled her eyes and shook her head, then locked the door.

They walked together to campus in the warm sun, and Raja began to feel soft, even a little loopy, like she needed to slow down…

“Hurry up, we’re going to be late,” urged Manila, walking ahead of her.

“Nah, just slow down a bit,” murmured Raja in response. The sun was catching in Manila’s hair again, the black curls shining with an almost reddish-orange highlight.

“Are you related to any gingers?” asked Raja, blithely.

“Uh, my uncle on my mom’s side,” replied Manila, “And so is one of my cousins. Why?”

“Your hair has this kinda red highlight in the sun…”

Manila laughed and it was a happy sound that Raja quite liked. But then Manila went behind Raja and pushed her, her hands on Raja’s back as she hustled her rapidly down the sidewalk, which Raja liked a little less. They finally got into the building and managed to make it to class with only seconds to spare.

Raja entered the dark room, supremely comfortable and chill, and took her usual seat. Manila sat next to her, taking out her neat little notebook and pen to take notes. She was so organized, Raja admired that about her.

Professor O’Hara greeted the class and hit the lights to begin the lecture. Raja smiled and nodded and basked in the weird glow of the PowerPoint while Manila diligently took notes next to her. The words washed over them both.

After the lecture was done and the lights turned back on, Professor O’Hara took questions from the class. Raja found she had a question too, and raised her hand.

“Don’t draw attention to yourself-“ hissed Manila next to her, trying to grab Raja’s hand and force it back down.

But Professor O’Hara has already addressed her, so Raja batted Manila off and opened her mouth.

“Uh, so…” began Raja, leaning forward and putting her chin in her hand, pausing for what she was sure was only a couple seconds. An amused murmur rippled through the crowd. “So, when Plato talks about you know, duality, what if-“

Raja wasn’t sure where she was going with her question, but she was confident it was going somewhere, and kept talking. Professor O’Hara had an amused expression on her face, and pressed her lips together, not quite making eye contact. Next to Raja, Manila slid lower in her seat and shielded her eyes with her hand.

“…so like, isn’t that connected to Aristotle’s original idea about being?” finished Raja.

Muffled laughter sounded throughout the class. What was so funny?

Professor O’Hara blinked, and cocked her head to the side, then said, “Well, to everyone’s surprise that’s actually an excellent question, Raja-“ and proceeded to answer it.

Raja glowed with the praise, nodding her head slowly as Professor O’Hara answered her question, and further elaborated on the content of the lecture, which inspired more questions from the class. Raja remained pleasantly blazed. Coming to class like this had been a great idea after all-

Soon enough it was over, and Raja yawned, sleepy, and stretched as Manila put her things back in her bag.

“Raja,” said Manila with resignation, hoisting her backpack to her shoulder, while the rest of the class filed out around them, throwing amused glances in Raja’s direction, “Everybody knows you’re high.”

“Mmm…” replied Raja, content, getting up from her seat and tripping a little on the edge of the chair, “Yeah, this time I don’t care.”

The problem with Raja, considered Manila as they walked back down the street together after class and Raja prattled away, happy and stoned, was that from the day they’d met Manila wanted throw her against the wall, furiously make out with her, have insanely hot sex in every imaginable way, move in together, start their lives, be completely and utterly in love, have like four kids and three dogs, raise them, retire, get old, and die together.

Obviously that was a little much.

Manila had quickly learned that her desperate fantasy seemed to be the exact opposite of what Raja was looking for. Raja’s priorities seemed to consist of getting stoned, getting laid, playing video games and going to class. Apparently in that order. So, they became good friends instead, along with Delta and Carmen, and had an excellent friendship that involved terrible humour, petty competition, and affectionately roasting one another to death. Given that Raja had never shown any romantic interest in her, Manila did her best to shove her feelings to the back of her mind. She wasn’t going to ruin a great friendship with her idiotic feelings, god forbid!

So, not that Raja randomly asking her to make out the other day had thrown Manila’s world off its axis anything, just… ugh.

They kept walking, and Raja kept talking to herself. Admittedly, she was making some great points about Plato.

“Carmen’s kinda mad at you, by the way,” said Raja, turning to her. Her deep brown eyes were a little bloodshot, but still shockingly intense and beautiful.

“Why?” asked Manila, glancing at the blue, open sky instead. It was a lovely day.

“‘Cause you unlocked metallic Peach the other day. She wanted to unlock metallic Peach.”

“Tell her the day she beats me at literally one round of Smash Bros is the day I’ll stop unlocking stuff for her,” said Manila.

“This is just as bad as the Mario Kart Incident last April,” said Raja, who was still looking at her, and then added, in an apparent non-sequitur, “Hey, has anyone ever told you you’re like really pretty?”

“Yeah, my mom,” replied Manila sarcastically, but her heart beat a little faster with the compliment.

“No, come on!” replied Raja, with a blissed-out expression and a goofy smile, “You are, though. Your hair is like so nice-“

Manila didn’t know what to say. Getting this kind of attention from Raja wasn’t something she’d anticipated happening, it was making her feel vulnerable and a little turned on, and she wanted to believe that it meant something… but doubt congealed in her stomach. It didn’t mean anything beyond a casual, well-intentioned, platonic expression of attraction. This was just how Raja was.

“Shut up!” laughed Manila semi-hysterically, impulsively pushing Raja in response. Raja was stoned and off-balance enough that she tripped and fell into the neighbour’s garden with an indignant squawk. Manila felt bad for a split second, then laughed out loud.

“Hey!” protested Raja, picking herself up from the enormous hosta plant she’d fallen into, her long black hair in her face, “I thought you liked me!”

“I do like you, you don’t need to worry about that!” said Manila over her shoulder, maintaining a joking attitude and walking up the steps to her house.

“You’re the worst,” whined Raja, making a face, then flipping her off in a friendly goodbye. Manila returned the gesture.

Manila went inside and got a snack from the kitchen, said hi to her roommate Shangela who’d just gotten out of the shower, and went into her room. Manila dropped her backpack to the ground and flopped down on her bed.

It was simple: Raja was blazed as usual and messing with her, that was all. But if there was anything Manila was good at, it was messing with people in return.

Raja wasn’t used to being rejected. She was, after all, very cool, extremely sexy, highly intelligent and always had weed. Clearly a catch! But apparently not to Manila. Raja knew Manila liked her, Manila had specifically said so the other day! They were already friends, they understood each other’s humour, and they hung out regularly, which was half the battle when it came to getting involved with somebody, even casually.

So, at Morgan’s Hallowe’en party, Raja found herself on the enormous, crumby couch, passing a blunt back and forth with Manila and several others. Some mid-2000s hip hop music played in the background, and way too many people were packed into the space in ridiculous costumes. Manila was pressed in next to her on the crowded couch. Earlier Raja had noted Raven somewhere at the other end of the house, pointedly ignoring her, which was ideal.

Manila somehow managed to look incredibly cute while dressed as Weird Al Yankovic, fake moustache and all, which was a feat in and of itself. Raja was dressed as Raoul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, because she related to him on a spiritual level, and already had the sunglasses for it. Their dumb costumes even matched, both featuring ugly Hawaiian shirts. Manila was cracking a joke with Carmen on her other side, and Raja figured this was as good an opportunity as any. Raja slung a casual arm around Manila, passed the blunt back to her and whispered in her ear, “Do you wanna make out?”

Manila put the blunt to her lips and inhaled deeply, the end glowing orange as Raja waited with anticipation for her answer, excitement mounting in her stomach.

With a smirk, Manila blew a lungful of smoke into Raja’s face, then she rested her hand on Raja’s thigh, and leaned in. Raja’s heartbeat accelerated.

Manila shut her eyes and Raja shut hers too, barely able to believe it was happening. Manila’s lips brushed against hers, soft, thrilling, just the barest hint of contact-

Manila pulled back abruptly, and Raja opened her eyes, confused.

Manila gave her an absolutely shit-eating grin and declared, “Nope!”

Raja’s jaw, along with her mood, dropped with disappointment. An odd moment passed between them. Through her haze Raja realized, with Manila’s shit-eating grin and her hand on still suggestively on her thigh, that Manila was mocking her. Raja, totally stoned, asking her to make out with for a second time with the exact same line had inevitably, painfully, become a joke.

Raja huffed, insulted, and turned away. Manila cackled.

On Raja’s other side someone new sat down, a pretty, athletic and tanned girl with dirty blonde hair, her amazing body in clad in what was basically red lingerie and devil horns. Raja recognized her, she was that girl a year or two below them who went running with Manila sometimes. She was laughing, her head thrown back, at something another blonde beside her was saying.

Raja tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Hey, you’re cute, do you wanna make out?”

The girl blinked at her in shock, and then grinned, and said, “Uh, oh my god, yeah.”

“Great.”

“Damn, you’re so direct, I’ve had a crush on you like forev-”

Raja ignored her, took her face in her hands and leaned in. Their lips met and the girl let out an excited gasp. She tasted like Jack Daniels and smelled like tropical perfume. Nice. And she was a great kisser, with an enthusiastic and knowing tongue. The girl’s warm hands immediately went to Raja’s shoulders. Around them a few people oohed and laughed, and Raja caressed the girl’s lower back and practically pulled her into her lap. Raja’s bucket hat fell off the back of her head.

Manila was still laughing at something on Raja’s other side, but her laughter stopped abruptly, and Raja felt the couch shift as Manila stood up. Raja broke the kiss for a moment and glanced over her shoulder in time to see Manila stomp away, furious jealousy in every line of her body, throwing her fake glasses to the floor.

That’s right, burn.

Smug, Raja went back to making out with the blonde chick in her lap, their hands wandering all over each other until someone yelled at them to get a room. May as well. Raja got up and led the girl into Morgan’s messy bedroom and shut the door.

“You know you’re like a legend around here, right?” chuckled the blonde girl, grasping the edge of Raja’s shirt and pulling her down onto the bed with her, “By the way, my name’s Willam-”

“That’s nice,” replied Raja, crawling on top of her, kissing her neck and getting down to business.

It became an inside joke.

Manila had barely managed to pull it off, because coming so close to kissing Raja had been horribly thrilling, (electric, overwhelming, transcendent), and she’d wanted so badly for it to be real, to be anything other than just a stoned-and-low-key-horny suggestion on Raja’s part-

So, despite Manila’s burst of jealousy over Raja’s makeout session at the Hallowe’en party with Willam, her gym buddy of all people, their friendship remained strong and uninterrupted. Manila didn’t hold it against Willam either, who’d been all too happy to talk about it at their next cardio and gossip session, because Raja was generally irresistible. Manila sure as hell wasn’t going to let it get to her. After all, this kind of thing was in the nature of a friendship that largely consisted of roasting each other to death over a high-octane flame.

As the week passed the joke got even funnier. Raja got over sulking about it, and started purposefully asking Manila to make out at the most hilarious, awkward, and inopportune times.

For example:

Playing Smash Bros at Raja’s house late on a Saturday night with Delta and Carmen, everybody squashed on the couch: “Can we make out if I win?” “As if you’d ever beat me, bitch.” “It’s true Raja, you kind of suck at Nintendo-” “Shut up!”

Hollered across the quad, much to Manila’s embarrassment and Raja’s enjoyment, in front of a crowd of freshman, “Hey Manila, you wanna come over here and make out!?” “Go shove your tongue down somebody else’s throat!” “Aw, rude!”

In the hallway after class, just as Professor O’Hara walked by, loudly: “Wanna come back to my place and make out?” “Oh my god, Raja!” “Ladies.” “Sorry, professor!”

Whispered in the library, “Do you wanna go into the stacks and make out?” “Write your essay.” “I’m done, though-“ “What, already!?”

Even Delta and Carmen got in on it, and Manila had to dodge the question from them too. Teasing, sexy requests of, Hey, wanna make out, Manila? followed her around, as Manila clapped back hilarious retorts to gales of laughter. It was fun and Manila rode the wave of attention with aplomb.

Manila figured that this particular’s joke’s shelf life would only last as long as any other and would soon fade into oblivion, replaced by whatever came next, and Manila would never have to address or bring to light her feelings for Raja.

In her opinion, she’d handled the situation perfectly. And Manila praised herself for it as she ran her usual route, glancing up at Raja’s house as she ran by.

But every night before she fell asleep, a little voice tugged at the back of her brain and said, maybe you shouldn’t mock people when they express attraction to you, that’s kind of fucked up, and she’s your friend, maybe she actually does like you back- Manila aggressively quashed it.

“Hey, so,” said Raja, on the way to the library with Manila to buckle down and write their philosophy papers together as the end of term approached, “Why don’t you want to make out with me? Like, I’m a total catch.”

It hadn’t previously occurred to her to ask, but maybe this would help her get a leg up on the situation. Ideally Manila’s leg. Ideally up on her shoulder while Raja ate her out, and Manila blushed pink like she sometimes did, and tangled her hands in Raja’s hair, and gasped and arched her back and- that was neither here nor there. As hilarious as it was, the joke had been driving Raja a little insane. If Manila had said, in any seriousness, that she wanted Raja to stop asking, Raja would have. But she hadn’t, Manila had leaned in to the silly, flirtatious back and forth.

Instead of forgetting about it, the endless teasing and parody of the matter had only reinforced what Raja wanted in the first place.

“Well,” said Manila after a pause, adjusting her heavy bag and glancing at the cloudy sky, “You don’t take school very seriously.”

“What?” laughed Raja, who’d been expecting something more along the lines of I’m genuinely not attracted to you or I think I want to date guys again, “Is that really it? I totally do!”

“No you don’t, you’re a huge stoner.”

“Yeah but thats just for fun, I’m like really smart,” replied Raja, grinning, “You should see my GPA.”

“Mmm no, you’re real dumb,” sassed Manila. She shook her head and her curly hair, up in a high ponytail again today, bounced with the motion and Raja wanted to run her fingers through it. “You’re a total goofball and everyone knows it. You show up to class high! I have like a 3.82, and I want to keep it there.”

“How would making out with me affect your grades?”

“They say you are what you eat…”

They both exploded into laughter, causing the other students walking down the busy campus path to throw irritated glances their way.

“Bitch,” replied Raja, elbowing her, “A 3.82 is nothing-”

“Hey, no,” protested Manila, stopping and turning to her, “It’s like really good, don’t talk down my accomplishments just because you’re jealous-“

“I have a 3.91.”

Manila opened and shut her mouth in shock, before responding, “No you don’t, you’re lying.”

“No I’m not.”

“Prove it.”

“Sure,” chuckled Raja, taking out her phone and going to the school website, launching the grading centre, pulling up her current transcript and grade point average, “Look.”

Raja handed Manila her phone, gloating. The screen read 3.91847. Manila took it and her eyes narrowed, and she scrolled up to check that it was actually Raja’s name at the top, then back down again.

“Guess I do take school seriously,” taunted Raja, unable to suppress the urge to tease her.

With unexpected force, Manila shoved the phone back into Raja’s hands.

“Whatever!” snapped Manila, rushing ahead furiously.

“Hey, where are you going?” called Raja after her, laughing, “Don’t be mad just ‘cause I get better grades than you-“

“I’ll see you at the library!” snarled Manila over her shoulder, power walking down the street.

Raja watched Manila walk away, pleased that she’d proven her wrong her but confused as to why she was so mad. Raja wandered into the little smoking area with a couple of scraggly trees and fished in her bag for a tiny joint she’d hidden there earlier. She found it and lit up, inhaling the comforting smoke. Just a little something to help get those creative and intellectual juices flowing…

After a few hours of work in the library while Raja pumped dreamwave tunes through her headphones directly into her skull and wrote her philosophy paper, she looked up and noticed Manila sighing deeply for like the fourth time.

“What’s up?” whispered Raja, taking her headphones off.

“Nothing,” whispered Manila back. Her eyebrows were scrunched together.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

Raja put her headphones back on, without music, and wrote a few more sentences, pausing to check her references. She was going to get a hundred percent on this paper, she already knew it. Raja had been a bit of a child prodigy in terms of reading and writing comprehension, and her memory, her research skills, her grasp of history, literature, sociology and philosophy were outstanding. Her two dads were loving and supportive hippies who let her do whatever she wanted, so her sense of freedom and confidence had soared throughout her college career along with her grades.

“I can’t believe you have a higher GPA than me,” complained Manila, under her breath.

Raja took her headphones off again and gloated, “Yep, this huge stoner right here is better at school than you.”

Manila glared at her, then sighed again. Raja smirked, but her face fell, because Manila actually looked sad. And tired. There were lines under her eyes. Sympathy tugged at Raja’s stomach.

“Well, a 3.82 is really good,” began Raja, shutting her laptop and leaning forward, “Like, it’s above average-”

“Don’t be patronizing,” said Manila, shaking her head, closing her laptop and gathering up her books, “I can’t work on this anymore, let’s head out.”

“Okay, sure,” said Raja, getting up. A few people at other tables were glaring at them anyway, angry about the interruption of the silence. Raja wanted to make Manila feel better, and wondered how.

They left the library, walking together through the dark evening in the direction of home. It was a clear night, and the stars were just visible. Raja dug around in her bag for a joint but couldn’t find one.

“I have that good spicy instant ramen and Cheetos at home,” suggested Raja after a few minutes, “It’s not that late if you want to come over.“

“So we can make out?” added Manila sarcastically.

“No,” replied Raja, “Just to like decompress, I dunno, I’m hungry, I thought you might be too…”

“Do you ever eat vegetables?”

“Weed is a plant.”

Manila laughed and shook her head.

“What’s bothering you?” pressed Raja.

“I try like, really hard,” said Manila, after a pause, “I take college seriously, and my parents have such high expectations of me, I just- I put so much work into it and you-” Manila gestured at her, “You fucking coast, Raja. Look at yourself. You get stoned all the time, you party and play Nintendo. And honestly, you treat the girls you date like they’re disposable, Raven’s reaction wasn’t that unreasonable… but everyone still likes you, you somehow have a perfect GPA and you look amazing-”

“Yeah, I do look amazing,” agreed Raja, with a smile. She decided to ignore the middle part of what Manila had said.

“-and you have the self-awareness of a fruit bat.”

Raja looked carefully at Manila. Her expression was tired and frustrated, the orange glow of the streetlight catching in her hair. Despite the way they constantly roasted one another, Raja cared about her, and it saddened her to hear that Manila was feeling the pressure of… well, everything.

Self-awareness. Hmm. Raja could work on that. Maybe that was the key to getting Manila to see that she wasn’t joking, that Raja genuinely, unexpectedly, to her own surprise, really liked her.

“So,” said Raja, as they approached her house, the living room light shining like a beacon, indicating that Delta or Carmen was still up, “Instant ramen and Cheetos? You can kick my ass at Smash Bros, that always makes you feel better.”

“You know what, sure,” replied Manila, rolling her eyes, a smile at the edge of her mouth, “I’m gonna hand you your ass on a silver platter, bitch. Especially since you always insist on playing as Yoshi for some reason…”

Raja smiled to herself as they went up the front steps to her door.

#rpdr fanfiction #everybody knows you're high #rajila #raja gemini #manila luzon #lesbian au #college au #dartmouth420 #tw weed #submission

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vynnyal · 5 years ago

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Throwing random thoughts, headcanons, and a variety of pasta at the wall (but only those having to do with vessels and/or their biology this time): The Thrilling Third Installment™

...aka pretending i can be dark and dramatic jskhdfd

Thk's larger form is not the standard, but the exception. Thk was cited as being "raised and trained to prime form", which people take to mean pk assisted in the vessel's natural growth. However, that conclusion leaves a lot of unanswered questions, most important of which being “then what about Ghost?” In short, I think that train of thought is backwards. Vessels can't grow- they are ageless, and immortal. We know this due to Ghost, despite living as long if not longer than thk, being completely unchanged over the years. The only thing pk trained into "prime form" was thk’s mind and fighting prowess. Their body... well, I think it was mutated. Most likely either directly by pk, or ordered by him- and with the shenanigans happening over in the sanctum, I wouldn't be surprised if Soul was involved, too. In any case, it was in no means natural. Vessels are corpses reanimated by void; neither corpses nor void tend to make drastic changes on their own all that often. Whether pk predicted the vessel’s “issues” and intended to manually “upgrade” them from the beginning, it's hard to say. But... yeah. Unless Ghost goes out of their way to make themselves grow- if its even possible, now that pk is gone- its fairly safe to say, they never will.

...with that in mind, we are promptly gonna ignore that for the rest of this post lmaooo

Grown-up vessels wouldn't look like thk; while they are described as being raised into "prime form"... prime form, to whom? Rather than looking like an idealized pk soldier, it sounds much more fitting that they’d have an entirely different, natural adult form. Consider: their cloaks being longer and fuller, perhaps filling out into something with a more practical use to their “species”. Better yet, they could even grow up to be more beast-like. Feral vessels, YEhaW

The black egg temple is cited as being "built to sustain [vessels]", yet it can't be their lifespan that is sustained. Rather, it seems the egg is specifically designed to keep the radiance from tearing thk apart, physically and/or mentally. Ngl its p obvious, but worth noting.

Sorta-au where Ghost’s shade has 8 eyes, and/or is generally all-around more cryptid-looking.

@ the sharpshadow charm and the strange, 6-eyed creature their shade turns into: kudos to this post, they bring up something super interesting- the creature not only resembles the Shade Lord, but the lord outright becomes it during the Embrace the Void cutscene.

makes me respect the ol’ civilization a whole lot more if a single charm can turn a baby shade into a baby lord.

The concept of finding ghosts unconscious body, laying next to a corpse, while they battle in their dreams. Alt: when ghost enters the dream realm, their shade leaves their shell... And protects their body from harm.

If steel soul mode is taken as canon, just how did ghost and the shade meet? Alt: Ghost may never have “met” it at all, as it technically doesn’t exist in that mode- instead, its more of a metaphor than an actual entity.

What the vessels looked like- or were supposed to look like- before the void. Alt: a story following a child, alive and untouched, that somehow managed to be spared. They could even have a gender. Alt alt: the void intentionally spared them for some purpose, or even out of simple kindness- or at least, something that resembles kindness.

Re: the shade inexplicably having a nail: all the vessel's swords are crafted from “will-bearing rock”- of which i’ve come to lovingly call living stone- and as such, are of void themselves. That's how the shade seems to conjure up its own copy; it merely shapes it, from the ground, using void. And, while more of a stretch, Ghost’s nail being some sort of living stone/pale ore alloy could explain just how Ghost can do seemingly pretty crazy things with an otherwise ordinary nail. Better, while 100% a baseless hc, its material might actually enable Ghost to build it up and modify it to suite their size as they grow older. finally, a logical reason adult Ghost has an adult-sized nail-claymore. hdsfghjfghdsjf

On that same thought: Ghost outright invented the "art" of manipulating- or creating- living stone to make their nail. ...gimme a sec. The other escaped vessels have nails, too, right? Either meaning they also discovered this ability... or that theres some legitimate ground for the “vessel gang” hc. Or, yanno, i’m reading too much into Ari’s sprites but sHHhh

How did all the vessels know to race to the top? They seemed to be falling merely because they had just been born and had literal, actual baby strength; yet not only did they inexplicably risk everything competing to the top, they somehow knew death was waiting if they lost. Alt: pk just, bringing a fucking megaphone and telling them like a sports announcer.

What if Ghost made it, and instead of falling, they managed to joined thk at the lip? What would pk do? Push them off the edge??? Or just adopt them both?? Oh fuck au where they're raised as twin sacrifices. Or worse yet, they’re raised unequally, and one is trained only as an afterthought. As a backup.

Alternatively, pk keeps all the vessels au, only a few years later when they're grown. Pk now has a literal army of pure knights. Radiance is fucked.

Hm. If vessels were fully coherent entities from the moment of birth, why was there a crib in the white palace? Did... did they use it? I have a feeling team cherry made that asset before the abyss scene lmaooo alt: they did, uh, use the crib. Cue a very awkward scene of thk, clearly not a normal baby, staring at wl with like... idk, the poofy baby hat and pacifier. I can’t tell if the image is more funny or more sad rn shdfgfjsdgg

The og notes that inspired this post, in case my rambling makes more sense (and w/o the awful comic hjsfgjsdfhj): Oh oh OH i GET it now. The void is all about "will" and whatnot, right? And shades are "fragments of a lingering will"- will, like the one you leave after your death, but instead of inheritance its the vessels' desires...last regrets.... DAMN team cherry, that symbolism is clever as heck. That took me a while. Kinda funny how a will is, technically, a person's last regrets Like I knew they were last regrets but I didn't understand WHY. Duh, it's because they're literally Made Of Will. They are the vessel's "wills". I'm so stupid.

Ghost, walking thru the abyss, getting increasingly fed up / freaked out, ducking into a crack in the wall. They follow the crack into the Scream Chamber, pause, then exhale in relief that this was EXACTLY what they needed.

Ghost's shade rolling up its void-sleeves like “fuck it, ima defeat thk myself”

Why was thk's sword there? Was its pedestal decayed? Did it fall from their body? Was it place there as an afterthought, or hurriedly? alt: taking thk's sword before freeing them, but doing the mom thing like you're grounding them hdhfjchjch

I can’t believe it just occured to me now, but... as objectivley stupid as the vessel’s test was, Ghost... technically came in second place. What if that whole scene was a metaphor? Because really, it’s just too silly to take seriously. To do so isn’t too far fetched, either; many other elements in the game’s story are better taken as symbolic or metaphorical, anyways. Take the PoP cutscene- while it could’ve been a literal moment, where they just happened to find themselves standing around and took the moment to appreciate each other... imo it makes much more sense to read it as the concept of their faint ~forbidden love~ and parental pride itself. Or, better yet, the scene at the end of the 4th pantheon. Sorry, but I severely doubt that was an actual event. What I’m trying to get at is the significance of “second place” in the cutscene. My brain is too fried to chase down any other possible connections to this theme rn (if thats even what the theme is), but even without proof, the theory smooths out a few interesting tidbits related to just how Ghost could tough it out when all others failed. All except for #1, anyway. Either way I’m just happy to take this as an excuse to pretend that cutscene didn’t literally happen because like, l m a o

The story of a small group of vessels as they work together to escape hallownest. (aka the aforementioned vessel gang hc... im sure theres a more formal name but you get the idea). Its impossible to tell how long it took them to discover that near-invisible hole, the last exit remaining after the king ordered the abyss to be sealed up. Once they did, however, the remaining vessels were quick to make a desperate scramble to escape- only for the entrance to suddenly crumble shut, far, far too soon. The remaining 8 slowly made their way through deepnest, their numbers quickly dwindling as the jouney started to take its toll. The group was nearly wiped out by those terrible, spiney-legged creatures that used their own kinship against them. Only three finally escaped the deep, yet only two made it through the basin- the third, largest sibling, left to fight alone againt a hopeless battle, just to buy the others time. It was in greenpath, so close yet so far to their goal, that the second succumbed to the infection. It was a mercy killing, that nail through the heart. The last, after all of that, finally made their way to the very precipice of howling cliffs, hesitating for just a moment to gaze out upon the still-fresh ruins of hallownest. But only for a moment, before Ghost jumps down to begin their journey beyond this wretched place.

A vessel running from its shade as it tirelessly pursues them, the vessel refusing to put it to rest.

tw: suicide, + personal on main

Ugh ugh ugh ugh Either thk was fully conscious and in terrible pain for all those years... or they couldn’t feel anything at all. The former is horrible, but imagining thk waking up, chained, unable to do anything but wait for Ghost to heed their call? Did they turn their nail on themselves to help Ghost, end the pain, or some awful mix of both? For someone who has personally dealt with close friends and family that struggled with suicide themselves, hollowknight is one of the worst horror stories I've ever seen. And the fact that the story is so personal, so open to interpretation? The fact that each character is so genuine yet vague enough to be read completely differently to someone else’s biases? Its why hollow knight- the game, and the character- will forever be one of the most powerful stories to me.

in short, good LORD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING SAD

#hollow knight #Thonking abt hollowknight #blabbing.txt #i should probably proof-read this.... uuuaaaah #anyways #@ that last one: i had to take a week-long break after tiso died. so like. you can imagine my reaction to thk #other than that some of these are VERY OLD #and dsfhhfdj the test one literally just occurred to me #sweet catharsis.... fuck you pk....#also.... yeah. vessels have a p bad time all considered #ghost is like 'i know i look 7 but im actually 1000 years old!'#then hornet punts them into the sun #OH WHAUFHDFKJ

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fullsunalicia · 5 years ago

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i really loved the jaemin prince au 💗💗 if you have time, could you possibly write a princess diaries au with jeno?? thank you for sharing your work with us ! have a great day 🤗

prince charming — LJN

in a matter of mere days, your whole life is flipped upside down. the only constant in your life are your best friends, yeeun and jeno. but while you’re being charmed with a crown and the family connection you’ve been craving for a long time, jeno is desperately trying to figure out how to tell you that you’ve charmed him.

of course i can, my love! thank you for your request and your kind words 🤍 have a great day and stay hydrated! eat if you haven’t yet. and as promised, here the princess diaries au~

For as long as you can remember, it has always just been you, your mom, and Chairman Meow. It’s a silly name for a cat, but it’s what you’ve decided on when you first got him at ten years old, and your mother found it too funny to resist. Now this poor cat is stuck with that name forever.

The life your mother built for you is far away from the family you have still left. When you were born, your father had already succumbed to an illness, leaving nothing behind but nineteen birthday letters, some presents, and the gaping hole he had ripped into every future family picture. At your first father-daughter dance, your best friends’ father had danced with you because Yeeun and Jeno couldn’t bare leaving you alone at home to cry about the fact that you had a missing parent. Everytime father’s day comes around, they pile up in your room with you and the day is spent watching rom-coms. Every year on the same day, your mom lights up a candle to honor the father who had abandoned you before birth.

Your mother told you he had his reasons. That they loved each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. You had believed her and promised to honor the memory of a father that wanted you, but ultimately couldn’t have you. Because his own family didn’t accept it.

The letters are the only thing you have of him. You were told that when he realized he was nearing death, he decided to write them as birthday presents, one for every year. Some are longer than others. Some cheesier. Some seem like diary entries, where he regrets not being able to see you for the first and last time before he goes, since he’s sure your mother and him made the perfect daughter. The only reason you don’t resent the father that left the mother to raise their child alone is because you can feel the love in these letters, his true feelings, the somber sorrow of someone who’s being played like a puppet. His letters arive every year alongside the presents your grandmother sends you, but hers are left untouched while you cling to these letters as if they are your lifeline.

It’s almost like he’s here for you. Gone, but still felt. His love is with you when your mother kisses your forehead before school and you can see it in her smile. Your parents loved each other a lot - you wish to have a romance like theirs. You wonder why your grandmother thought it was a good idea to tear them apart.

The answer comes weeks before your last and nineteenth letter can arrive.

❀ ❀ ❀

“Will you wake up already? Damn! You’re worse than Jeno!”

“First of all,” you drawl out, sleep still heavy on your tongue. Your mind barely registers that you’re awake, and you blink several times to regain your sight after your comatose state. “I don’ t take nearly as long as Jeno in the morning to get ready. That’s why I’m able to sleep longer. And who the hell let you in?”

“Your mother,” your best friend of ten years deadpans. “Duh.” Yeeun clicks her tongue and reaches out for your body beneath the warm blankets. She doesn’t even care about the fact that you scream when you’re forcefully removed from your own paradise.

“Yeeun! I’m barely awake!”

“You want me to get a bucket of water, then?”

Yeeun is the oldest of your little group. After her comes Jeno, her younger brother, and lastly you. They baby you all the time, even though they’re barely older than you are. The first time you guys met was in first grade, where the siblings had bickered over what snack they should buy because they didn’t take enough money with them to buy one for each sibling. Without hesitation, you had approached them and lent them yours, and since then, Yeeun and Jeno basically adopted you. They’ve both already moved out and share an apartment near the university you three attend, and you know there’s a room for you waiting there.

Something just keeps you home. You can’t bring yourself to part from your mother and leave her, because then, she’ll be really alone. After all, your father’s side of your family doesn’t really like her. And her own parents live far away.

“Please don’t tell me you stayed up watching k-dramas again.” Yeeun groans and pinches your nose, the same annoying habit she tended to do to Jeno when he got on her nerves. No one else is more like a sister to you than she is, and you’re very grateful for her. It’s a different story for her brother, though.

Lee Jeno is as beautiful as his older sister, but he was the one who first drew you in with it. Your very first childhood crush in fourth grade. He even stole a first kiss from you when his lips had first touched a bottle of soju, and even though you’ve always dreamt of a fairy tale first kiss, you somehow were still thankful it was him. The boy with the crescent moon eye smile. The lingering taste of sweet alcohol and chewing gum. Careful hands who cradled your face as if you were the most expensive thing in the entire world, despite his intoxicating state.

He doesn’t remember that, though. And he doesn’t need to. You’ve buried your embarrassing crush for the younger sibling a very long time ago, and it’s never going to be dug out. Not if you can hinder it.

“I’m so tired, Yeeun,” you hiss at her and slap away the hands who are trying to pinch you awake. She laughs and wraps her arms around your waist. “Did you really have to wake me up so early?”

“Class starts in, like, twenty minutes. The longer we take here, the more Jeno is going to panic.”

“I hate you both. You’re a plague. I should’ve just let you brawl for that stupid tteokbokki cup.”

Yeeun forms her lips to a pout, lips puckered as if she was going to give you a kiss. “Aw, man. What am I supposed to do with engagement ring now? I spent so much money on it...”

Carefully, as to not hurt her, you push your best friend off your sleep-ridden body. Standing up has never taken so long, and you groan as your back cracks when you stretch it. “Don’t fool yourself,” you mumble. “The only thing you’d get me would be a ring pop.”

“Touché.”

It takes you a little longer to get ready, but Yeeun doesn’t mind as she scrolls away on her phone, liking a meme here and there. Jeno honks in impatience from outside the house and Yeeun grins, waving him off on instinct, even though he can’t actually see her. When you finally step out of your room, your mom already’s put on a cup of coffee for you on the table. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says, grinning, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. You furrow your brows. “Finally awake?”

“After I basically assaulted her, yeah.” Yeeun snatches up the cup meant for you and nips at the dark mixture. Outside, Jeno honks again. “Though we better get going before your neighbours file a complaint. That kid doesn’t have any manners, I swear. And to think that we’re related!”

“You’re only two years older, Yeeun,” you shoot back, yawn tumbling from your lips. She’s right, though, you don’t want to keep him waiting any longer. The neighbor next door is rather weird, and you swear you’ve caught him several times sitting down infront of his window to watch the people pass by. He claims it’s inspiration for his books. You don’t bother with finding out if that’s actually considered stalking. Your mother turns her head so you can kiss her cheek, fingers twirling the cup she’s holding. She’s nervous. For what? “I’ll get going, mom, see you later.”

“Don’t forget to come straight back home after your lecture, (y/n).” She finally looks up to meet your eyes, showing you her evident worry. Your mom had pulled you aside the evening before, saying that you had important matters to discuss at lunch because someone was coming for a visit. She didn’t tell you who, though. “Text me if you need anything.”

With that, Yeeun tugs you out the front door, the familiar click of the lock accompanying your descent down the stairs to the street. Jeno looks especially annoyed, but he still leans over from the driver’s seat to open the door for you. “I’m going to kill you both,” he threatens the second you’re in earshot, hissing at his sister like a cat as she flicks his forehead and slides into the backseat. Despite being upset that you’re late, he lets you pull him into a tight hug, and you basically disappear in his embrace. Since he’s started going to the fitness center with his friends, he’s been building up muscles like crazy. Yeeun bet you ten dollars he’s on steroids.

He’s always been this athletic, though. Now, it shines through, and it makes your knees kinda weak of how strong Jeno is becoming.

“Is that coffee?”, he asks, fingers already reaching for the cup that was stolen out of your kitchen. Yeeun slaps his fingers, pretty features pulled into a grimace. “Not for you!” she answers. “Hands on the wheel.”

“So you let me wait for an hour, but I don’t even get coffee? Got it. Should’ve just left you on the curb this morning.”

“And who would’ve woken up (y/n), huh? It takes you years to wake the girl up!”

“Because she looks so peaceful in her sleep! Unlike you, I actually care about how much sleep (y/n)’s getting!”

“I hope this car crashes,” you mumble. With that, you swipe your coffee out of Yeeun’s hands, force Jeno back into the driver’s seat and lean back to finally sip at the coffeinated drink. It’ll be a miracle to survive this car ride.

❀ ❀ ❀

You like sociology. It’s the only course you share with Jeno, and despite claiming it’s his favorite class, he keeps napping in it. Because the professor likes him and his essays are seemingly “amazing”, Jeno ends up getting out of trouble scot-free, while you have to pass your notes to said troublemaker at the end of every lecture.

Maybe you should have given him some coffee after all. His head is resting on your shoulder, shamelessly using it as a pillow, his fingers are intertwined even in his sleep. As if he’s praying. Maybe he’s praying for this lecture to end quickly. The dark circles under his eyes worry you, and you wonder if he’s even getting enough sleep.

When Jeno and you first met each other, his features had still been soft, a true baby-face. He had winced every time you pinched his cheeks and often complained when you and Yeeun determined that he could be a prettier girl than you guys were. A decade later, Jeno is still breathtakingly beautiful, but where earlier had been fat to pinch was now sharp cheekbones, and a jawline that could cut diamonds. What had been pretty turned into attractive.

He looks like a prince. It’s no wonder his family calls him that jokingly. He owns the title.

“Stop staring at me, creep,” Jeno murmurs, voice drowsy. He still reaches out for you, though. Strong arms envelop your body and press you against a firm side, and you don’t even put up a fight when he uses you as his personal body pillow. His strong perfume wafts over your senses, and it’s hard to resist the urge to cuddle against him. You claim you’ve gotten over him, but it’s so easy to fall back into old habits when they go by the name Lee Jeno.

“Start paying attention to the lesson, then.” He doesn’t even budge when you try to push him away. Sighing, you resort to taking notes instead. You can feel him grin against your shoulder.

Asshole. He knows he’s stronger.

“It’s not like the lesson’s interesting. Can’t you just stop nagging me?”

“Can you stop bothering me while I pay attention?”

“No,” he shoots back immediately, arms locking tighter around your smaller frame. Jeno ignores the squeak you let out at that (as if you were a dog chewing toy...) and instead presses his face against your throat, lips dangerously close to your skin. Damn those siblings and their irresistible charm. “This is the price you pay for my friendship. If you weren’t ready to pay it, you should’ve thought about that ten years ago. No use fighting it now. Sorry.”

Friendship. The word stings and you wish it would hit you in the face once and for all, so that you could stop looking at Jeno in that light. He hums when you mess up his hair, recently dyed with the help of his sister. Both siblings had already bleached it once, but this color was darker, more evident. Soft as always. He hums in content at your touch, the sound elicting goosebumps on your skin.

“What’s gotten into you?” The accusation in your voice is only spoken in a joking manner, but it still makes Jeno raise his head and loosen his hold around your waist. This time, you’re the one tugging him back. (You hope your professor isn’t looking. The soft spot he has for Jeno isn’t reserved for you.) “You’re never this affectionate.”

“Is that a crime?” He furrows his eyes and glares at you. He looks a little like his cat when he does this, when she’s scolded for knocking a glass of the coffee table. You pinch his cheek. He hits your fingers.

“No. I’m only curious.”

“I’m just in the mood.” Jeno turns you around so you’re facing your notes again, and you roll your eyes. Are you his slave or what? Nonetheless, you pick up your pen and resume writing. Your best friend rests his head on your shoulder, chest pressed to your back.

Jesus Christ, he’s a muscle pig.

His fingers toy with the ends of your hair, and it almost distracts you from the loud, annoying voice of the lecturer. The room is stuffed with tired, disinterested people. Someone in fifth row is playing PacMan on their laptop. You almost wish you had remembered to take your own.

Your thoughts wander to that talk your mom wanted to have with you after school. Usually, she’s very honest and upfront with you. There are no secrets. If there’s anything that should be addressed, she does it right away. What could be so important that she’s waiting for the suprise visit to explain?

Maybe it’s a new boyfriend. But your mom knew you didn’t have anything against her looking elsewhere for love; you actually welcomed it, deeming her a “helpless single” in spite of her protest. If she had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t feel so guilty about moving out. The siblings have been begging you for a while now, and you three spend lots of nights huddled on their couch, anyways.

It doesn’t work that way, though. Your mother is all you have. You just want to be assured that she’s going to be okay without you, happy. Chairman Meow isn’t that good of a company. And if you move out, you can’t visit her all the time. Exams are coming up.

Jeno pinches your waist, a snicker tumbling from his lips when you jump. “Wanna grab a bite after this?”

“Can’t.” You abandon your pen momentarily to guide his hands away from your waist, pulling at his arms so they lock around you tighter. This hug is basically a death trap, but at least it’s enjoyable. “Mom’s planned something.”

“Like what?”

“Didn’t tell me.”

“Your mom tells you everything.”

“Gee, really?” you scoff. The remark was meant to be sarcastic, but the hurt and confusion still seeps through. Jeno soothes it with a kiss to your temple, but you wish he wouldn’t. It’s so hard to stop your heart from acting up. Convicing it that Jeno’s only being platonic is like talking to a wall. “I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s been acting weird since yesterday. It’s not like my dad’s anniversary coming up.”

“Maybe she’s finally throwing you out of the damn house. You know, it kind of sucks paying for a roommate who isn’t even there.”

Jeno recoils when you turn at that, moving faster than he can register. “I told you guys to let me pay!” you complain. To your horror, it comes out a little bit louder than intended, and if looks could kill, your professor would be charged with second degree murder. The boy beside you laughs at your suffering, but he shuts up quickly when you pinch his nose. “You seriously need to stop hanging out with Yeeun,” he hisses at you, and pins your wrists against his chest. “I was joking, you fool. No matter how many times you tell us, we’ll be paying for that room until you move in.”

The rest of the lesson is spent with Jeno and you squabbling, which is why you pack up in a hurry and leave before your professor can scold the living hell out of you. Yeeun’s already managed to snag some food from someone in her own lecture, and she shares it with you guys on the way home. When the duo drives off, they’re already arguing again, and you shake your head as you walk inside.

The apartment is strangely tidy. Not that you and your mom like to live in chaos, but it’s never this neat. “Mom?” you call out.

It’s not your mother who walks out of the kitchen. You’ve seen this face on pictures often, never face to face. It would be a disgrace for her to be seen with someone of your side of the family.

“Welcome home, (y/n),” your grandmother greets you.

❀ ❀ ❀

Jeno and Yeeun are traitors. None of them answer your distress calls, or the many panicked text messages you send them. This is treason. You’re never going to let them eat off your snack stash again.

When you had recognized your grandmother, you had promptly run to your room like a freshman in highschool and locked the elderly woman out. You did not appreciate that your mother had failed to mention that the suprise visit was the grandmother that had been resenting you for the past nineteen years.

You want nothing to do with her. She’s the reason your parents could never be together.

“(y/n),” the woman sighs, exasparated. The knocks to your door are quickly deemed useless, and she resorts to talking to you through the door. “I am aware that this must be quite the shock, but I wouldn’t have thought you’d react like this. I was told you were quite the mature woman.”

You are. Still, you angrily tell her: “You would’ve known better if you had made it your duty to see your own grandchild at least once a year!”

Silence. She doesn’t have an answer for that, and you’re glad she has atleast the brains to recognize. Still, after mulling over your words for a few minutes, she continues. “My child, this is why I came. To explain why your father didn’t stay with your mother. Why no one came to see you. Don’t you wish to know the truth?”

“You’re a little late.”

“Better late than never.”

You don’t have a clever argument for that. Sulking, you stand up and rip the door open, scaring the poor woman behind it to death. A hand placed over her heart, she reprimands you with a stern look. “Tell me, then.” You cross your arms in front of your chest. Up close, she reminds you of the many pictures your mom had shown you from your father. “Tell me what was such a good reason to destroy an entire marriage with a flick of your wrist. Why I’m suddenly so important, nineteen years later.”

Your grandmother pleads you with her eyes to come out of your room, so you stroll into the living room and sit down. Your mother is waiting there for you, and you clench your fists when she mouths an “I’m sorry”.

The atmosphere is, lightly put, very uncomfortable. Your grandmother takes the liberty of pouring you and her a cup of tea, but neither of you touch it. “(y/n),” she says then. “What do you know about your father?”

“That he was ill.” You clench and unclench your hands. They’re trembling. In moments like these, you wish Yeeun or Jeno were here, but that’s silly. You should be able to master your challenges alone. So, you clear your throat and go on, voice firm, even if you feel nothing like it. “That he loved my mother dearly and you didn’t accept it.”

“I did accept it.”

“Liar,” tumbles out of your lips before you can stop it, and your mother claps a hand over her mouth. “(y/n)!” she speaks up, in disbelief that you’d talk to a family member like that. Your grandmother waves her off, but you can see the hurt in her eyes.

You hate admitting it, but it satisfies you a little.

“Your father..” The elderly woman traces the rim of her tea cup with a perfectly manicured nail. “Your father was a good man, with a sense for duty. I liked your mother a lot, but just because I liked her didn’t mean I was able to accept it. There are some things that are better left unchanged. Your parents knew that. I knew that. And that is why I wished for the engagement to be nullified.”

The words set something in you ablaze; an anger you can’t name, the protectiveness over your mother. “What in god’s name could be more important than your son marrying the woman he loves?”

Your grandmother blinks. “The throne, of course.”

You raise a brow. Behind her hands, your mother peeks to grasp your reaction. For a very long time, you wait for someone to laugh and tell you this is just a prank. When it doesn’t come, you ask: “Excuse me, what?”

“(l/n) (y/n), that is the name you were given by your mother.” Your grandmother raises the cup to her lips, unfazed by your confusion. “Though that’s not the royal name given to you. You are a direct descendant of Empress Sunmyeong, member of the Yeoheung Min clan.” She sets the cup down with a loud clatter. If you hadn’t seen her eyes, you would be very angry with her joking right now.

She’s deadly serious.

“You are Min (y/n), heir to the throne.” Your grandmother looks you right in the eyes, gaze determined, honest. “Just like your father, you are expected to ascend the throne and marry someone of blue blood.”

❀ ❀ ❀

“You didn’t confess to her?”

Jeno pouts and stuffs his mouth with marshmallows. “I didn’t get to.”

The room is dark, dimly illuminated by the light that tries to reach it through the curtains. The siblings wanted to do a movie marathon since it was the weekend and there was nothing to study for, and it isn’t fun to go out drinking without you. An hour into their first one, they’ve already abandoned it and resorted to do something else.

Talking about Jeno’s giant crush on you.

“I thought you were going to tell her in Sociology.” His sister reaches for the popcorn, disappointed to find the bowl empty. Jeno offers her the bag of marshmallows, but she shakes her head; too sweet.

“That was the plan,” he mumbles. But how is he supposed to look you in the face and tell you about his feelings, when you’re so goddamn cute? Nobody has ever made butterflies erupt in Jeno’s stomach, yet one look from you and he’s absolutely weak. The memory of you kissing him back still haunts him to this day. What if you just did it because you were under the influence? “I chickened out.”

“Shocker.”

“I hope you choke.”

Yeeun snorts. But no matter how much fun they make of each other, at the end of the day, nobody cares about Jeno like Yeeun does. She’s a really great big sister, even if she gets annoying sometimes. So when the girl reaches for the remote to turn down the volume and face him properly, he doesn’t mock her or say something provoking. He holds out his arms and pouts.

When they had been children, Jeno had fallen down the stairs once and promptly fainted. He doesn’t remember much about it, but what stuck with him was the sight of little Yeeun looming over him, crying in worry. She hisses and hits Jeno often, but the second someone else does it, he has to physically hold her back. (She’s tiny, but she packs quite the punch.)

The day Yeeun had found out about his crush on her best friend, he had been drunk off his ass and crying. That’s why she told him that it was going to be alright, because she has his back. So when Jeno inches closer in the wish to be held, she only rolls his eyes and throws her arms around his shoulders. “You’re so annoying. Why’d I get the annoying younger brother?”

“Shut up and comfort me. I was really going to tell her today.” Jeno sniffs. He’s not going to cry, though, he’s only being dramatic. He wishes you were here. “I was so close.”

“I know. Next time.” His sister messes up his hair and grins at him. He laughs at that, reaching out to dishevel her own, and it soon escalates into them wrestling on the couch, fighting for the last bag of Dorito’s.

Their fight is cut short by several quick knocks to the door.

Jeno looks at Yeeun. “Are you expecting somebody?”

She can’t answer; a key is turned in the lock and as they look up alarmed, they’re greeted with the sight of you walking in, your eyes red from all the crying, the apartment’s spare key in your hand.

You hiccup. A tell-tale sign that you’ve been sobbing and are currently trying to stop yourself. “Hi,” you mumble. That’s the magic word for both siblings to jump up and run to you, familiar hands wiping over your wet face and your shoulders. “I just had the worst day ever and I just want to collapse into someone’s bed and die. Thank you.”

“Go rest in my room,” Jeno offers. “Come on.” You don’t need to be told twice, feet carrying you to the room you’ve been so many times before. Your followed by your best friends, who even go as far as tucking you in, and Yeeun leaves a kiss on your forehead.

“Don’t go,” you whisper.

So they don’t. They take you into their middle, Yeeun on your left, Jeno on your right, both brother and sister hugging you tightly. You’re lucky you all fit on Jeno’s bed, and for a while, you just keep laying there, staring at Jeno’s ceiling that’s been freshly painted. As they hold you, you start explaining your weird, nonsense circumstances. They don’t interrupt you once.

You want to stay like this always. Some things in life come and go, but the friendship to these two stays forever. The many nights you spent stargazing. The different occassions of someone crying and the other two cheering them up. Long hugs, adoration that is spoken out loud, silent support. You want to cling to these memories, to their hands, stay in this bed for the rest of your life.

But you’re a princess. You have your loyalties towards the crown, towards your father. Accepting the duty your grandmother laid in your hands feels like treason towards yourself, but you also can’t turn your back on what your father is giving to you.

Family honor. Blood is thicker than water.

That’s why weeks after this, Yeeun and Jeno see you less and less. They knock and spam your phone with several messages, but all they get is half-hearted apologies hours later. Sometimes, there is no response at all. It hurts them a lot, to the point where they spend several days of the week skipping uni to stay home and stuff themselves with ice cream. There’s a (y/n)-shaped hole in their daily lifes, and in Jeno’s heart.

You miss them terribly, just like they miss you. Time is running out until your official coronation, and your grandmother has been preparing you and getting closer to you at the same time. One afternoon, you both cried as you looked over pictures of your father’s coronation.

“I’m so sorry you weren’t able to see him,” she had told you, voice shaky, hands trembling as they gripped yours. For the better part of your life, this woman had been an unknown evil. Now, you’re able to see the love and regret in her eyes. You see it in the way she treats your mother like a proper daughter-in-law, even though she never got to be. The fond smile the queen gifts you with when you show her your photo album with dad’s letters. The pride that’s swelling up in her chest when you behave just like your father. “He loved you long before you were born, just like I did.”

There’s no use denying your feelings for Jeno when the dooming reality is that you’re not allowed to have him, anyways. You don’t tell anyone about your feelings, especially not the queen. But there are nights where you sob yourself to sleep, listening to a particular sad voicemail where Jeno whispers into his phone how badly he wishes you were here. You’re aware your mother knows, because to her, you’re an open book. Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything either. When you mourn your childhood crush, she puts your favorite cookies on the nightstand, leaves a kiss on the crown of your head and closes the door to your room.

Being alone is the only gift she can give you right now. In the whirlwind that is an official introduction to the public, getting some peace and quiet was like heaven.

Your coronation is on the day of your nineteenth birthday.

For the first time, you’re really scared about opening your father’s letter. It’s the last one you’re ever going to receive, and the dread sits heavy in the pit of your stomach. It’s such an umcomfortable feeling. Usually, those letters were a chance to look into your father’s heart. The words that convey his love wrap around you like an embrace, and there are many letters you know word for word. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Your sixteenth letter. You didn’t understand then, but you understand now. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

You open the letter.

Tears swim in your eyes before you can even realize what is written. You feel so overwhelmed by everything; the need to make your father proud, the love growing steadily in your chest for a man you can’t have. The fear of abandoning your mother. The heavy weight of a crown you never actually wanted. It smothers you, and you need several attempts to catch your breath.

A warm hand wipes your tears away. You didn’t even notice your mother sliding into the seat beside you, but you’re glad she did. She lets you rest your head on her shoulder, and familiar fingers that you’ve known all your life loosen up any knots in your hair. With her help, you’re finally able to read your father’s last words for you.

My dearest (y/n),

What a woman you must have become. If there’s any chance you’ve gotten your mother’s stubbornness, I can rest assured that you know how to get everything you want in your life and what you want. After all, that’s how she charmed me.

Today is the day you turn into an adult. By now, I’m sure you’ve been confronted with the throne you’re about to inherit. When I was your age, there was nothing more exciting than that. Other than you, I was raised to be king, taught what was needed to be known and fed with the love to our people. There is no physical impact you can do as royalty in the 21st century, but we represent the tradition of our country. The voice of those who cannot talk for themselves. We have no power in parliament, but we have the power to get loud enough for it to hear us. What others cannot, we must do for them. To help those who cannot help themselves, we must do everything.

But that is only if you want your crown.

(y/n), the crown was not a family heirloom I intended to give you if you didn’t want it. I love your mother, and I love you. I will continue to do that always, whether you decide to claim your birth right or reject it. I love you even if you abandon the family’s traditions to become the person you’ve always dreamt of, and I will still do that when you ascend the throne and make it yours. We are not our ancestors. The future doesn’t lie in our hands. But we can shape it, just like any other person. We can take each other by the hand and change the world together. My father taught me that long before he taught me how to love the crown.

What he didn’t teach me is the love to another person. It’s the only tradition everyone is too proud to change, or get rid of. Arranged marriages are a given, even though our monarchy has changed to accomadate to modern times. But nothing in this world could have stopped me from giving your mother my heart. After all, she blessed me with the most perfect child and love I ever received. To love is to be blessed. I want you to choose whoever you love. Fight for what you believe in, for I couldn’t do it. It is the only thing I regret in my life. I wanted to give your mother the world, and all I’ve given her is suffering. I hope you can give her that for me.

My mother is very proud. It’s what I got from her. It’s not something I want for you. Pride is nothing but silly. Love without being afraid, (y/n). If the person you give your heart to ends up to be royal or not, does not matter. If you choose to not marry at all is up to you.

All I wish for you is to be happy.

I wish for you to be healthy and satisfied. I wish that you accomplish anything you set your mind to and that you can be proud of your hard work. I wish for you to be supported unconditionally and I wish for you to always have the warmth of your mother in your life, for I can’t be there to do it. I love you, my dearest daughter. You are the greatest gift God has given me.

Happy birthday, little (y/n). May you be in good spirits always. Thank you for making your father beyond happy, even though it was only for a short period of time.

With love,

Dad

You can’t stop sobbing. You set the letter down so your tears don’t ruin it, and your hands move to cover your wet face. The crying doesn’t stop, no matter how much your mother kisses you all over and hugs you close. “I wish I could’ve met him,” you bawl.

Your mother fixes your hair and smiles at you, both happy and sad. “I wish that, too.” Another kiss to your forehead. You hiccup. “He would’ve been the best father.”

The words are imprinted into your mind, haunting you while you get ready. Your grandmother is going to introduce you to the public as the princess for the first time, but thankfully, you don’t have to be queen yet. This press conference is only for you to officially claim the throne. Ascending it wouldn’t happen before you finish university and spent the many years learning how to be a queen with your grandmother. You recite the letter in your head while your face is painted by make-up, and you mouth the words while the last finishing touches are done to your dress. The crown set on your head is light, but it feels like the heaviest thing you ever had to carry in your life.

Someone knocks at the door. Your mother sticks her head through, big smile on your face. You give her one back, even though your heart aches.

You wish Yeeun and Jeno were here.

“You’ve got company,” your mom declares and disappears again. The person stepping inside is not your grandmother, as you expected, but Lee Jeno.

His eyes grow wide when he sees you. And the way he looks at you! As if you were the only star in his universe. Your chest swells with love when you see the awe in his eyes, and you don’t even think about reaching out for him. It happens on instinct. Two big steps, and Jeno carefully wraps his arms around your figure. The people who helped you dress up quietly leave the room.

“You look so, so beautiful,” Jeno whispers into your ear. “So gorgeous. I thought I was looking at an angel.”

“Kiss-up,” you mumble, yet you still turn your head to grin at him. Unbeknownst to you, the sight almost makes Jeno’s heart stop. The things you do to him... “How’d you know I was here?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?” He nudges the tiara on your head. You giggle. “And even if it weren’t apparent, I still would have found a way to meet you. Because I’ve been dying to tell you something.”

That he was disappointed with you? That it’s all your fault the friendship is going downhill right now? You bite the inside of your cheek. Well, it’s not like you don’t deserve to be told off. So you brace yourself for the reprimanding.

“I love you,” is all you’re getting.

It’s your turn to gape at him. Did you imagine him saying that? Is your brain starting to mess with your perception because you’ve been obsessing over your father’s letter? But no, you’re not dreaming - Jeno is looking you in the eyes, soul laid bare. Waiting for you to reject him and send him off forever.

Your hands cup his face. “You do?”

“Of course I do.” Jeno inches closer. He smells like his perfume and a little bit of Yeeun’s deodorant. You know he always ends up using it accidentally, and it makes his sister laugh without end. You know everything about the man in front of you. Your heart spent years gathering information on the only person who’s ever lived there. “When you first gave me the money for that stupid snack in elementary school, I adored you. I didn’t know shit about love then. But I know that I missed you terribly when you didn’t go to school and I know that I loved having you fall asleep on mine and Yeeun’s lap after hours of studying. I loved twirling you around at prom. I love being the one to wake you up in the morning because you get all doe-eyed and clingy when you‘re barely awake. I love listening to things you’re excited about because you end up rambling and your voice is the nicest thing to listen to. (y/n), I may not have known back then what I was dealing with. But I got it bad, and I still do. If you asked me right now, I’d go on my knees just for a slither of affection. I love you. I love you so much, and yet my heart will make more space tomorrow to love you even more. I don’t think I’ll ever stop and at this point, I don’t want to.”

“Jeno,” you whisper. You want to cry again. “Jeno, I’m going to be queen someday.”

“You already are,” he tells you. His voice is soft, just like how he’s holding you close to him. When you lay your hands on his chest, you can hear his heart racing, pounding heavily against his ribs. As if it’s trying to jump into your hands. “You’re my queen. After all, you rule over my heart and my mind. There’s not a second I don’t think about you. Is that so bad?”

“No.” Jeno lets you tug him closer, accepts the kiss you deliver to his lips and the countless ones after that. Every single one is an unspoken confirmation. I’m yours. “Jeno, I love you, but I can’t... I can’t marry someone...” Who’s not blue-blooded, you want to say. You don’t finish your sentence. He doesn’t let you.

“Choose me,” he begs you, heart on his tongue, delivered to you on a silver platter. It’s all he can offer you as Lee Jeno, your childhood prince, the one your heart and soul craves. “Please, choose me.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Time is a flimsy thing.

It flies by when you’re not paying attention, not even for the coronation of a new queen. It doesn’t halt for the freshly crowned, neither does it for anyone else. Compared to claiming your birth right, finishing university was way easier.

But the easiest thing was getting rid of this stupid tradition. It does not survive a day of your regency, despite many in your family bashing you for it. They were silenced the second your grandmother backs you up on it, and you’re eternally grateful for that.

She’s not going to do the same mistake again. Never again is she going to rip apart two lovers who aren’t meant to be seperated.

Lee Jeno is nothing but a regular boy, but it doesn’t stop him from falling to his knees the second the rule is disabled, never to be abided by again. There are crowns adorning your head that are more expensive than the ring he holds in his hands for you, but you’d toss them all away to keep him forever. There is nothing more precious to you in this world than your childhood prince.

You marry out of love, not out of duty. For the rest of your life, you’re going to wake up to Jeno and his sweet smile, crescent eyes and all. You’ll spend eternity reminding your soon-to-be husband how much you adore him, and someday, you’ll watch your children do that, too. You’re absolutely sure your father would be proud of you.

(And to make one thing clear - Yeeun makes a killer maid of honor. Both Jeno and you can vouch for that.)

You may not have ended up with a royal partner, but you sure as hell found your own Prince Charming.

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