#it’s just. kinda feeling forgotten about. unmemorable

[impossible-rat-babies]

back in the fuckin pits man………

[readingtoinfinity]

Secret Level part 2

The second half is out now, and like before I had completely forgotten to watch them. Well, I'm done now. There were some highs, some lows, but let's take the good with the bad and go through them.

The Outer Worlds: The Company We Keep

Like the game it's based on, this short is very bleak and kinda hard to stomach at times. The anti-capitalist message is front and center and just as horrible as the game wished it to be, but the message becomes muddled when you look at this main character, Amos. Not a smart man by any measure, the ending is ostensibly positive, with Amos working for Auntie Cleo as a gardener, and all of us watching knowing the company is going to hurt a lot of people to help their bottom line. That hidden horrible reality may be the point, in this case, but I feel like this short could've done with a bleaker, harsher ending, to reinforce the message from the rest of the short: it doesn't matter who you are or what you can do, you will be gristle in capitalism's meat grinder eventually. As it stands, it feels weak on the satire and unmemorable as a whole.

Mega Man: Start

Aah! This short was apparently made deep in the uncanny valley. It was here that you could really see the limits of the almost-realistic CGI most of the shorts use, and it would have benefited from either being less realistic (and allowing for a more cartoony, closer-to-the-games look) or more (making the original games an inspiration rather than a direct comparison, like how they designed Bomb Man).

Having said all that, it's quick, powerful and very cool. I didn't play any Mega Man games, and my only connection is the fan music by The Megas, although I love that a lot. Even without that nostalgic connection, I found this short to be a lot of fun.

Exodus: Odyssey

I found this one to be a slight mixed bag. On the one hand: a strong central thesis and conceit, with an emotional connection between the main character and his daughter that pulls you through the rest of the episode.

On the other hand: eh. I can see the narration is necessary to set up some things for later, but even so some of it is unnecessary. Honestly leaving some emotions and plot points more ambiguous would've made this episode a lot more memorable.

Spelunky: Tally

Finally, some stylized fucking animation. I found this short to be amusing, charming, but ultimately shallow. There's an earnest message about trying again and doing your best even in bad circumstances, but with little emotional weight behind it.

Concord: Tale of the Implacable

Why the hell did they try to make this game a $40 hero shooter?! The world is perfect for a single-player experience, something like the more-recent Star Wars games, Outer Wilds or even (a better version of) Starfield. Obviously these deals and animations were made way in advance so this was supposed to come out and grow the player-base for the game, but alas, it is the last gasp of a corporately-ordered failure.

And it's so fucking good. Oh my God why is it so good?!

I recognized the voice talents of Laura Bailey and Darin De Paul, both bringing their at-least B-Game to this short, but recognized nobody else. But the actors featured here were all up to the task and played their part to the hilt, and for that I must give props.

For most of the episode, you're dealing with your standard Han Solo types, only in it for the money and trying to get away with a stash. But there's a turn later in the story, and the fact whoever made this had the utter gall to give it not only an unflinching ending, but somehow managed to wrangle something beautiful and wonderful from that? I teared up watching this. And it's about fucking Concord! What the fuck?!

But let me not say that corporate slop cannot be an inspiration for art. Great art can come from anywhere, spurred by anything. So may it be for this.

Honor of Kings: The Way of All Things

I didn't like the art style very much. There's an inconsistency in the models, from the madman who looks very realistic to the bishounen (or its Chinese equivalent) Yi Xing to the strange-looking Tiangong, none of the characters quite look like they belong on-screen together, and not to the point of something like Kingdom Hearts where that's the point and it becomes its own art style.

It's not distracting for long, however.

I liked this setup, and the themes played with throughout this short. Tiangong claims to be a computer that can calculate and predict everything, calling the actions from one to the other "cause and effect" and comparing itself to the moon pulling water. Yi Xing is a boy who wants revenge, and Tiangong, the computer that is a city, would try to convince him revenge is pointless and his defeat has already been preordained.

This one benefited greatly from being a philosophical game between its two named characters. The interplay between the two, both in their game of Go and over the idea of free will was made extra fascinating to watch by stunning animation and artistic flourishes which fed back into the story. Setup and payoff, cause and effect, past and future, all of these things were wrapped up into this episode.

It also benefits immensely from a final twist ending that I found astonishing and a tough nut to crack for a bit. Even if the ending isn't a chestnut like Inception, It's still a bit of something sticky and tough, like fruit leather, that makes everything seen before take on a different light, and you question the conclusion of both the game and the argument. And I like that; I like that this ending asks you to question everything you saw, from beginning to end. It forced me to go back through and re-watch some scenes so I had a greater context; there's a confidence to this execution that is as underplayed as Tiangong's introduction and character, and I'll be thinking about this one for a long time.

Playtime: Fulfillment

Let me start with the positives. Kevin Hart, though he is still annoying in this short, is supposed to be, and in that respect he does a good job. Heaven Hart, his daughter, does a passable job as the main character, though she could use a little extra practice. And the central message against microtransactions and meager rewards in favor of a more pure competitive gaming experience is one I can respect.

But with God as my witness I will not be tricked into liking any fucking version of Ready Player One!

This episode is the only one in the season that wasn't based on an original video game, instead being about PlayStation's exclusives and IPs and about how fun they are, how better they are. Maybe you can see my disdain? Even Astro Bot got flack from people who didn't like the corporate crossovers in it, and that game had the benefit of being fun and engaging (according to Jacob Geller and the good people at Overly Sarcastic Productions; I don't own a PlayStation). How much more should they righteously hate this short that peddles more of that slop?

I am not against crossovers. I think there's a lot of fun to be had from throwing characters together in an oddball setting. Fortnite, for all its flaws, provides a lot of fun from having recognized characters going at each other in a game that's at least a little fun. So having Kratos from God of War, Gauis from Shadow of the Colossus, Helldivers (from Helldivers 2) and Sackboy from Little Big Planet all crossing over with one another could be fun.

But my annoyance at watching an ad in my free time turns to annoyance when it offers little artistic merit. All of these IPs are only here to remind you to play PlayStation games, and they are thrown in your face to force you to remember the better times you spent with other medias and games. Kratos was a big draw for most audiences and the fact he's on-screen for a couple seconds and Christopher Judge even reprises the role only to yell and then be discarded tells you the priorities of this short.

I hate it. It's not bad, not completely, barely even mediocre, but its core premise is rotted from corporate oversight. All these other shorts were about something, even at their worst they were trying to tell a story or provide a message. This is nothing; it is solely an advertisement to play other, better games, from studios shuttered by the company that bought them. It's Sony congratulating itself for projects it wasn't involved with, and to that I say: fuck 'em. They don't deserve the accolades.

I've taken the liberty of including a tier list of all these episodes. Please note letter grades are only approximations; this order is how much I enjoyed or think these shorts were of quality.

S: something new, something surprising or intriguing. Unreal Tournament: Xan (a surprisingly-powerful origin for the game's main villain) Honor of Kings: The Way of All Things (a strange, compelling argument with a great twist) Concord: Tale of the Implacable (honor among thieves, even in dire straits)

A: something I enjoyed without reinventing the wheel. PAC-MAN: Circle (a delightfully fucked-up reinterpretation) Warhammer 40,000: And They Shall Know No Fear (I mean… come on… I love these space marine guys) Sifu: It Takes a Life (exactly as artistic as I was expecting)

B: it's alright, maybe even fun, but the flaws are stark. Mega Man: Start (quite cool, but that's about it) New World: The Once and Future King (moderately amusing with a good emotional core) Armored Core: Asset Management (a good ending on a bland episode)

C: cracks start to form. Enjoyment lessens. Exodus: Odyssey (forgettable, feelings of wonder fall flat, lack of emotional tether) Dungeons & Dragons: The Queen's Cradle (uncanny at best and punchy-fighty without any emotional stakes) Spelunky: Tally (earnest but clumsy) The Outer Worlds: The Company We Keep (lacks the strong bite that made the games so good, ending fell flat) Crossfire: Good Conflict (things happened, I suppose)

Pure, visceral hatred: lack of artistic qualities drive me to madness. Playtime: Fulfillment (...HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU...)

So, that is Secret Level in total. Despite everything I'm still glad I went through it. It's not something you see too much of, and everyone who worked on the animation gave it their all. Even still I'm almost certainly going to watch season 2, but I've no idea what the final product will look like. And isn't that exciting?

[avissapiens]

Avis' Abstractions #2: Public Transformation

If you use public transportation pretty regularly you’re bound to hit up on the same folks a couple times. You form a sort of strange psuedosocial relationship with these strangers. You unconsciously learn things about them. Where they get on. Where they get off. Parts of their schedule. Maybe you overhear bits and pieces of conversation. For the duration of that bus ride your spheres intersect and you are granted a fleeting, shallow glimpse into their world. And then one of you gets off and that bond dissolves like candy loss until you meet again.

It started when you saw a dude get on the same route as you did. Every day for a week. Painfully normal. Kinda chubby. Kinda ugly. Unassuming. Nose in a book. You assumed he must be a student of some sort, but besides that he was completely unmemorable save for the fact that he was always on when you were on. You always got off before his stop so you never saw him leave. It was the same kind of routine for weeks. Months maybe. He kinda zoned into the background, but became a constant in a sense. Vaguely comforting. 

One day though it kind of hit you. Was he getting bigger?  Not massively but..yeah definitely getting bigger. More toned for sure. You saw edges in his jaw that were new. His arms filled his sleeves differently. Veins were popping up under baby fat. You didn't notice it at first because it's really hard to see those changes gradually if you're exposed to them every day.

The books were also gone. He just scrolled on his phone now. One time when you sat nearer to him you saw what he was looking at. Insta and twitter and tumblr. Dude's timelines were filled with musclebros and fitness influencers. Kinda funny. You swear you saw him flexing his arms a couple times. You ignored it though. You stopped taking the bus for a few weeks. Called in your vacation days to have some time off so no need to catch that Morning express into the city. Crazy how much can change in a couple weeks. When you got back to the grind you had pretty much forgotten your Bus dude. But seeing him again hit you like a bat. Dude was packing on pounds fast. And he’d changed up his style. No more sleeves. Not even in the oncoming cold weather. First time on you couldn’t stop staring at them.  Toned. Powerful. folded across his chest accentuating that plunging neckline and the cleft of his pecs. The muscles in his forearms seemed to jump with every motion. Now those were something to remember him by. He stuck in your mind more. You occasionally even found yourself thinking about him even after you parted ways. You paid attention to his habits on the bus more. Every day now he got off at the same stop before you. Jumped off right outside the gym and went inside. Weird. Didn’t he used to go all the way into town towards the university? It wasn’t holiday time yet as far as you remembered. He was smiling so much more now, so maybe he was on vacation, right? His eyes were simultaneously so focused but so much more empty. 

He definitely flexed his pecs every couple of minutes. You would too if you were him. And every time he did you swear you saw a corresponding bounce in his pants. You tried to restrain yourself. Feels so skeevy and voyeuristic noticing those things in public. But damn it was hard not to notice with this guy. Eventually you got a car! Hooray…well. It was a company car and it meant you had to work a lot more. But hey, no long bus rides. No more bus dude. It was silly to feel such a wistful loss of a guy who literally didn’t even know of your existence. But he still stuck in your mind. You didn’t really have any reason to use the bus for maybe 2 or 3 years. That was until your car broke down. So you fished out that old bus card for the first time in ages and got on. It was hard to say you missed it really. Uncomfortable seats. Weird smells. Couple stops later a total stud jumps on. Sits across the row from you. Legs spread. Gym shorts filled with thick thighs. Stringer showing off the total bulging size of his upper body. You’re a little gobsmacked at first. And then you do a double take.. Fuck is that him?! It has to be.

If he sat normally he would still take up one and a half seats. But the manspread on him made it so that he took up the whole 3-seat row. It was lucky the bus wasn’t too full and that people seemed to be avoiding those seats anyway…though you get the sense that it wouldn’t have really mattered to him. Manners and etiquette were the last thing on this dudes mind. He adjusted his bulge openly and proudly. No way it could be the same Bus dude…unless everything had grown. He smiles and just sits there emptily. Doesn't even scroll on his phone. And for entertainment he just openly flexes and feels himself. Fingers kneading into his Massive pecs. Massaging his biceps and tensing them. You swear he's looking at you but it's hard to tell. His eyes are almost glazed over. Listless. Is he drooling? Licking his lips? Then you see a small spot on his shorts right where his bulge twitches and moves. Fuck..it just hit you how much of an aroma he has. It practically filled the bus making it reek of body odour and testosterone and intense douchey Axe bodyspray.  It made your heart throb. Absolutely intoxicating. But so vile and not fit for public consumption. He flexes his pecs and he almost moans. Adjusts his crotch and even after doing so you can practically see the rhythmic throb of his veins along his shaft. You look at the bus driver like "why aren't you doing something?" It’s then that you notice. The driver’s got a shiner and has his eyes glued to the road. All of the rest of the bus patrons are either transfixed like you or know well enough to avert their gaze

He on the other hand, is still staring straight ahead. It feels like his eyes are burrowing into you. But then you notice, he isn’t staring at you. He’s looking at his own reflection behind you. That your head just so happens to obscure.

The old gym is coming up soon and you feel a bit of relief. Being in this dudes presence was overwhelming. You needed a moment to collect yourself. But that moment never comes. Instead stop after stop goes by with him not moving. Just staring. You feel like a vulnerable piece of meat somehow. Eventually your stop is up and you get up and ring the bell. Concealing the tent in your pants. He gets up too. Fuck..he’s tall. You take a step. He takes a step. You tag off, He doesn’t; you realize he never tagged on in the first place. The bus peels away and you both are there on the sidewalk. “You were blocking my view.” It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him speak. It’s disarming. Soft. Deep. Sort of slow. You imagine he probably sounded different when he first got on the bus years ago. You mutter and bumble through an apology though you trail off when you realize he’s mostly fixated by his own reflection in a shop window. “I remember you. You work near here right?” You gulp and nod. He remembers you?? Its confusing. No way he still remembers all the times you got off at this spot right? “You know where The Abyss is? It’s a new gym that opened up around here and i’m supposed to start my first day as a trainer there.” Guess school didn’t pan out.. You had heard about a new place. Supposedly super niche and weird. You’d passed it maybe a few times as a detour when you walked a different route from where you parked. You say as much. “Mind walking me there? If you’re not too late for work I could show you the place. I think my Boss would love someone like you with a good eye for potential” He smirks and pulls the neck of his stringer down even lower. You think back to the bus driver. You opt to be a little late for work today.

You can find the first Avis Abstraction here And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences and writing, then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server. And check out my file archive on my website.

[imakeficrequestsandthendisappear]

A list of the best and worst Disney kids

my roommate and i were talking about this and i hyperfixated. I included child characters which had speaking rolls and were at least side characters. If I left one out I don’t care. Also i didn’t include teenagers/princesses/love interests. Just the kids

It’s all subjective but i am right. 

Pinocchio: disgusting puppet homunculi. I hate his weird knees. But I do like that he escapes a whale, it shows a will to live. I both respect and fear him. 4/10 

Dumbo: Sweet and beautiful. Tragic backstory. Defies physics. Got Drunk. Love him with all my heart. But that CGI remake was gross so i subtracted 2 points. 8/10

Bambi: Beautiful and bland. would be a good instagram model. 5/10

Alice: embodies the “I just came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling very attacked right now” meme. enjoyable protagonist. 8/10

Peter Pan: kidnaps children. But seems fun. kind of a fuckboi. 6/10

Wendy: The mom friend that stands up for herself. deserved better. when she walks off that plank, fuckin iconic. 9/10

101+ dalmation puppies: Are puppies. but i can’t remember a single one of them. also can just multiply? themselves? 3/10 for magic

Arthur: complained to much. I liked him better as a squirrel.  1/10

Mogli: had fun on road trip with his 2 dads. easily sidetracked and hypnotized. 6/10 for jungle ADHD

Aristocats Kittens: Annoying but passable. A+ mom and stepdad parents. Overall 3/10

The little girl from The Rescuers: Apparently her name is penny. I hate her stupid voice. If there wasn’t boobs in this movie we would have all forgotten it. 1/10

The little boy from The Rescuers 2: Apparently his name is cody. He’s dumb but wonderful. a Himbo in training. 7/10 for australian  

Oliver: The worst cat. Also apparently there is a human child in this too. Both have empty, soulless eyes.  3/10

Huey Dewey and Louie: Imagine donald duck but worse and 3. Disney will pay for their crimes. -3/10

The scary kids from Nightmare before Christmas: I hate them. -5/10

Baby Simba: Confidence is key. “Dad... we gotta go home” makes me cry everytime. Adopted by gay dads. 7/10 for lion hamlet

Max: I know he’s a teenager but i want everyone to know how wonderful he is. Such a dork, I love him. 8/10 after today is a bop

Andy: honestly horrifying in Toy Story 1. could not care less about him. 10/10 glow up but 2/10 character.

Sid: The worst thing ever shown in theaters. Millions went blind. I would kill him in cold blood. -11/10

James: claymation is gross.  2/10 for being british tho 

Baby Tarzan: A+ mom. Daddy issues. Probably indestructible? 6/10

The kids from Emperor’s New Groove: Annoying but useful. Double dutch legends. John Goodman is their dad. 4/10

Boo: Perfect. I’ve never loved a child more. Deserved an Oscar. her dad is also John Goodman. 10/10

Lilo: In all seriousness the best depiction of a young child (especially a girl) in media. Emotional depth and intuitive, but also unique and authentic to her age and maturity, 11/10

Nemo: Kinda a dumb, but tries his best. gains independence but almost dies. Probably shouldn’t have touched that boat. 7/10

Darla: Sid but girl. actual serial killer? -11/10

Incredible’s kids: all unique and well written. I’ve lumped them together for convenience. 8/10 across the board

Chicken Little: Fuck this movie. 0/10

Lewis and Wilbur: Honestly meet the robinsons is underrated and i just want to talk about it some more. 10/10 for two good boys

Miley Cyrus in Bolt: ....Was her name also penny? Chose her dog over career. I can respect that. 3/10 for being unmemorable 

Russell: A sweet good boy doing his best. 9/10

Bonnie: I hate that fork thing. somehow worse than Andy. 1/10

Venellope: I didn;t see wreck it ralph and probably will not. I’ve been told she’s good but i have my doubts. 5/10 for mystery 

Riley: doesn’t make any of her own decisions. Really needs to see a doctor? honestly don’t know anything about her but hokey. Strong bisexual energy. 5/10

The kid from the Good Dinosaur: who cares? 0/10

Miguel: The Best Boy (TM). Follows his dreams, reunites his family, hANGS OUT WITH HIS GREAT GRANDMA BECAUSE HE LOVES HER. music is a metaphor for gay 11/10

[amiga1k]

If I may ask, if your biggest problem with MMFC isn’t story or character design related, what is it? Is it the lack of world building? The character development and depth teased but never given? Characters that would greatly benefit from backstories and having their dynamics with other characters explored never being given other? Because trust me, as a Mega Man fan that actually likes MMFC, I have the exact same problems with it.

Alright anon, strap in.

To answer your question right off the bat, no it’s none of those things. All of those flaws would have made it just another unmemorable, poorly written cartoon. That is not deserving of my seething hatred, that is deserving of a shrug and a forgotten memory. No, you see, I am deeply discomforted by certain choices in the show.

One of those choices is the direction they took with Elec Man. No, it’s not just that he was a very shallow character (not like he had much in the games outside of MMPU), it’s not about his design because I know that it could have been much worse. It’s just that as someone with ADHD his portrayal comes off as somewhat offensive. The way that he’s just the “I’m s0 rAndUm XD” hyper, off-the-wall stereotype rubs me the wrong way. This is just a personal experience, but that kind of behavior is the exact way my dad would make fun of me for even alluding to the fact that I could have ADHD. Elec Man was a huge comfort character for me when I was a kid and meant a whole lot to me, so obviously, this is very specific to my own experience and it hurts in a way that’s sort of hard to understand or explain. Doesn’t really change the fact that I find this portrayal offensive and that’s a pretty big reason why I don’t like the show.

Ice Man is the other one, but I feel I have less ground to speak on considering that I feel he could be a character with really stereotyped Autism. But since that is not a mental disorder I possess, I won’t say too much about it. Again, it’s not really my place to speak on the subject. I find this offensive for similar reasons, also and including the way that they have to be taken to the Good Guild to get “fixed”. It really just doesn’t sit right with me. I understand that it’s because they’re robots, but it’s more implied that they’re being reprogrammed because of faults that I’m assuming they were programmed with. Not that they’re working with Sgt. Night (I believe that’s his name) and are being reprogrammed to stay away from him because they obviously keep going back to him or he keeps snatching them up and re-reprogramming them.

Yes, I know that the some of the Robot Masters are just not really good people, Air Man being a prime example. I know that they’re supposed to be villains and not liked, but it’s pretty obvious that a lot of the bots who work for Night are being manipulated to work for him in a sort of Mega Man 9 kinda way. Like a lot of the stuff that gets them in trouble initially is just them being frustrated (or in Ice Man’s case, misunderstanding).

I’m gonna cut myself off here because I could really go on for a while (don’t even get me started with Namagem). Honestly, I’ve been wanting to make a video on this and really go through it in great detail covering all its problems from start to finish since I have a lot to say about this show, but that’s for another day. You don’t have to agree with me, I’m not trying to force you to stop liking it yourself, I just can’t see myself enjoying the show.

TL;DR imho, the portrayals of Elec Man and Ice Man come off as sort of ableist. You don’t have to agree with me at all, since it’s something I sort of picked up just by watching with my own prior experiences of dealing with ableists. EDIT (4 hrs after post time): Also! just another thing that I remembered post script, I find it incredibly demeaning that the only way Aki can even begin to understand why they are the way they are is to copy their powers. You would think that Light would have programmed some empathy into the boy, but apparently not.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Roman Sionis

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Birds of Prey is a fun, silly movie. So you’d expect a fun, silly villain for such a film, right? Well, we sort of get that… but this is an R-rated fun, silly movie, so the villain is going to cuss a lot and peel people’s faces off and be a raging psychopathic manchild. Roman Sionis, everybody!

Good old Roman Sionis, known to comic fans as Black Mask (he isn’t ever called that by anyone except Harley during his introduction, and he doesn’t even wear his mask until the end), is just an absolute raging lunatic. He gets mad at the drop of a hat, is creepily posessive of Dinah Lance, has a very close relationship with his murderous second-in-command Zsasz, and is just generally unpleasant to every single person who crosses his path.

But that’s par for the course for Roman Sionis, who is never really EVER portrayed as a charming, likable guy. The real question here is, is he an entertaining villain? Well he’s played by Ewan McGregor, what do YOU think?

Motivation/Goals: Roman is a relatively simple villain, but I think this works in his favor. You see, a big issue with Harley’s previous outing, Suicide Squad, is that the mission was way too high stakes despite the cast featuring a group of people who didn’t really have any powers beyond “fighting really good.” or “has weapon skills.” You’re telling me you’re gonna put Harley Quinn, Deadshot, and Captain Boomerang up against Enchantress and her army of ancient Aztec super-zombies? WHAT? Here, we have a street-level threat much more suited to Harley’s capabilities: Roman is just a very powerful gangster, and his goal in this movie is the simple “get this diamond that was stolen back to me so I can make fat stacks of cash.” That’s really all their needs to be here, a simple MacGuffin to drive along the plot to its various setpieces.

Performance: I love Ewan McGregor, so, really, he didn’t have to do much with the role of Roman Sionis to make him great. Still, this man went above and beyond despite having comparatively little screentime to Harley. Roman seems incapable of going a single sentence without cursing up a storm and is the epitome of a psychopathic manchild, tormenting people for the slightest of reasons. He forces a woman to strip and dance on one of his tables because she was laughing too loud when he was upset, and decides not to spare a girl’s life because she had a gross snot bubble on her face from sobbing while he had his crony Zsasz peel off her parents’ faces. As funny and hammy as he gets, the dude is a stone-cold ruthless bastard who has no line he won’t cross to get what he wants.

Final Fate: Cass hides a grenade on him and steals the ring, and then Harley kicks him off the pier while he panics. Before he even hits the water, BOOM! Never would I have expected to laugh out loud at the sight of Ewan McGregor being blown into bits, but this movie was just full of surprises.

Best Scene: I think that the honor has to go to his establishing character moment with Zsasz, as they cut off the faces of a family who crossed Roman, and then when Roman decides to spare the daughter, he notices snot on her face, says “Ew” like a petulant child, and has Zsasz cut her face off anyway. It’s a great way to establish that Roman is an awful human being no matter how you slice it, and firmly establishes that while, yes, he is a misogynist villain in a female-led blockbuster, his misogyny is just a tiny facet of how unabashedly terrible Roman is.

Final Thoughts & Score: So, this is gonna sound weird, but… Roman kinda reminded me of Justin Hammer. Hammer is a villain who I have greatly warmed to over time (mostly thanks to Nando V Movies on YouTube), to the point where I think he’s actually pretty funny but is held back from true greatness by the sloppy nature of Iron Man 2. The film was big, bloated, and didn’t know what to do with itself. And this film is KIND OF like that… but it knows what to do with Roman.

The movie has an undercurrent of female empowerment, so why not make the villain emblematic of things women have to overcome? Roman is creepy, misogynistic, and even a bit racist especially with his condescending actions towards Dinah. And he even throws a fit when she “betrays” him and decides to murder her. But the movie is smart so as to not make this hamfisted; the movie makes it entirely clear that even if you take away his misogynistic elements, Roman Sionis is just an utterly disgusting human being. Everything about him is just so hilariously vulgar and repulsive, but the way he’s performed helps lighten it and help keep him within the tone of the movie. He’s just dark enough and just hammy enough to work.

My big issues with Roman are mostly due to his utilization and the wasted potential, which is a problem that really hits a lot of stuff in Birds of Prey. He is great every time he’s onscreen, but his screentime is fairly limited, and then he dies at the end which robs him of any chance of coming back in the future as an antagonist. He actually functions great as a more grounded threat rather than some larger-than-life end of the world threat, but the fact he dies horribly – before even having his mask burned onto his face, even! - just kind of feels like a waste of a character. To be fair, Black Mask is not the best or most interesting Batman villain crime lord; we have the Penguin for that. But when you cast  someone like Ewan McGregor and he’s clearly having a blast, it’s hard not to feel at least slightly bitter when he gets hilariously gibbed at the end.

Still, I can’t let Justin Hammer’s sacrifice go in vain; he walked so Roman could run, and Roman ran so that perhaps someday Hammer could sprint. Roman gets a nice, fat 8/10, which he definitely earns with the heaping helpings of ham he brings to the table, though he is held back at least a little by the wasted potential of his character.

But hey, if you want to talk about wasted potential…

Psycho Analysis: Victor Zsasz

I really like Victor Zsasz in this film. I really do. The angle they went with, the implied homosexuality, the actor… it’s all good stuff that helps make a disturbing character like Zsasz easier to swallow. But he gets hit with wasted potential harder than even Roman does.

Motivation/Goals: He’s Roman’s right-hand man, so basically his motivation is to do whatever Roman wants him to do. However, there is a bit of an implied thing between his boss and him; Zsasz seems undeniably irritated with the attention he lavishes on Dinah, and is very hands-on and affectionate with his boss. A lot of his later actions in the film and his cruelty towards Dinah does seem to stem from some place of anger towards her for taking Roman’s attention away from him.

Performance: I have to say, Chris Messina does a stellar job at portraying Zsasz as creepy and obsessive, and certainly showcases the fanatical loyalty he has towards Roman, making him something of a dark mirror to Harley’s former relationship with the Joker. I also appreciate that, despite not going with Zsasz’s original psychotic serial killer angle, they still made him a bloodthirsty psycho with a sort of nihilistic edge to him. Frankly, this might be the best possible take on a live-action Zsasz without things getting intensely uncomfortable.

Final Fate: This is probably the worst element of Zsasz: his death. Right before the climax he gets shot out of the blue by Huntress and then Harley just repeatedly stabs him with the arrow. And I have to make it clear here – Zsasz barely got to do anything. He never really poses any sort of physical threats to the heroines, never gets into a fight, and is never mentioned again after his death despite being very close to Roman (to the point where the two may have been lovers).

Final Thoughts & Score: As far as henchmen go, Zsasz is pretty solid conceptually. He’s established early on as a psychopathic enforcer of Roman’s gang, he has an eerie air to him, and he has a lot of elements from the comics you rarely see on Zsasz in other media, such as being blonde. Messina does a fantastic job at making the character seem like a competent killer in the employ of Roman.

But the key word is “seem,” because Zsasz frankly never lives up to his hype. Despite being introduced peeling the faces off of a family, he is just never utilized to his fullest extent. He’s kind of just there in a lot of scenes, and while he isn’t unmemorable or anything he never really does anything that makes him into a worthwhile addition to the franchise. He’s honestly just a glorified mook with a few interesting gimmicks to help set him apart.

I’ve gotta give him a 6/10. While he’s definitely a step above average, he’s really not anything amazing, mostly because the movie refuses to allow him to reach his full potential. He doesn’t have any great quotes, his most memorable scene really serves more to establish Roman than anything, and he is dumped and quickly forgotten right before the climax. He would easily be a 7 or 8 if the story treated him with a little more weight or respect, but he just ends up underwhelming despite having so much going for him, and it’s frankly a bit depressing. It’s just a very sad state of affairs for the character, especially when he managed to be more intimidating in the Arkham games despite the fact that he posed even less of a physical threat than he does here.

Well, while we’re here, let’s go over THAT Zsasz briefly.

Portrayed in the games by Danny Jacobs (who you may know as Sacha Baron Cohen's stand in on The Penguins of Madagascar. Yes, Zsasz and King Julien had the same voice actor.), Zsasz is never really a major antagonist and is, in all honesty, a pretty weak fighter; you can always take him down in one punch. The thing with Zsasz in the games, though, is that it’s always tricky to get to him, because he usually has hostages of some kind. In Arkham Asylum, he appears twice, and you need to use stealth to take him out before he kills his hostages. In City, he gets a much longer sidequest where he requires you to pick up ringing telephones and then glide to another one across the city within a time limit. Once you’ve listened to all of his messages, Batman finds out where his lair is, sneaks through it, and whoops his ass.

I certainly can’t say he’s the best villain in either game he appears in, but he’s definitely scary. His messages and game over screens are really freaky and unnerving, and the Riddler even requires you to find some of Zsasz’s work as parts of riddles�� and by “work” I am of course referring to corpses posed in life-like positions. There’s also the horrifying little tidbit that in City, Zsasz actually does kill one of his hostages and there’s nothing that can be done about it; if you switch to detective mode in his lair, you can see a corpse at the bottom of the water in the room.

I think how creepy and intense he is really helps make him stand out among the more colorful characters in those games like Joker, Clayface, and Riddler, so I think giving him a nice 8/10 for his appearances is well-earned. I feel like Birds of Prey could have learned a few lessons from this portrayal; if they wanted to make him more creepy than physically intimidating, that could have worked well and it would have made his anti-climactic defeat a bit more plausible. Instead, they kind of tried this middle ground where he’s creepy enough and intimidating enough physically that it just feels like a letdown when he’s offed.

Oh yeah, did you know he appeared in Batman Begins? He had a brief cameo and didn’t do anything significant and looked like this:

Pretty sure he’d get a low score if he wasn’t just a quick little reference.

[bromotachii]

Doukyuusei - Classmates 「同級生」Review

Doukyuusei -Classmates 「同級生」(2016) Romance/Slice of Life/Shounen Ai 1 movie ~1 hour

-------------- **not spoiler free; also, based only on the movie. not the manga series**

Summary (strictly from memory about 16 hours later):

A wonderful little (about an hour long) movie about two high school boys who apparently go to an all boy’s school and fall in love because one of them thinks the other doesn’t like singing but he actually just can’t read sheet music. But actually the lemon soda is the main character, obviously, because it is simply so high quality. This is your average school delinquent x school nerd story, but with a twist! - The delinquent is not really a delinquent, just a guitarist who smokes (and is the only blond dude in the WHOLE SCHOOL), and the nerd isn’t a nerd, just a dude who goes to cram school and wears glasses (who we never see studying; people just say he’s super smart). Nothing much happens but it’s cute I guess!  There sure is a lot of kissing though! And a bit of a back massage…? And a forced indirect kiss with a teacher?! Just two bros in love, man. Real bros who only need each other <3

MVPs: lemon soda and hd plastic bottles

--------------

RATINGS:

Overall: 3.89/10

Characters: 2.2/10 Format: 6/10 Pacing: 1/10 Art style: 7.63/10 Story: 1.02/10 Hand art style: 8/10 Water sound effect: 3/10 Singing voices: 2/10 Drink sponsorship: 10/10 Main characters' hairstyles: 3/10 or 7/10 OST: 8/10 - Unmemorable during the movie, but upon later listening it is refreshing. (like the lemon soda ;)) But again, no recollection of hearing these songs or the soundtrack in the movie. Names: 2/10 - Unmemorable (except for sajou and hara-sen… but mostly hara-sen… why is his name the most memorable???) Title: 7.68/10 - It's kinda cute Love triangle: 0/10 - Hinted but nonexistent… also why was Haru sensei so creepy Ending: 2/10 - I thought it did but it didn't and when it did I was surprised. Fr so many false endings… I was so ready for it to end Final shot after credits: 1/10 - Cute lil sketch but no “thanks for watching” or extra cute content :( literally a white screen. I want an image of them living alone together 20 years in the future by the countryside waiting for their stew to finish stewing, but alas Colors: 9.02/10 - It was kinda cute and saved the movie’s visual Backstory: 1/10 - Kinda wasn’t there… you had to infer stuff or it was revealed WAY later or it was just told to you with nothing really to support it Blond guy mc's band involvement: 0.88/10 - His concert carried the entire rating. Otherwise the fact he’s in a band would’ve been forgotten entirely Smart guy mc's fear of trains: 2/10 - It was never addressed until the middle of the movie and magically solved through the power of love <3  Relevance of trains and testing: 0.42/10 Quality of lemon soda graphics: 10/10 - So HD. So beautiful. I wanted lemon soda upon seeing it. Effective. Props to the marketing team Their codependency: 2/10 - Too much. Solved every conflict. unrealistic Smart guy's difficulty singing: 2/10 - Lame turns out he just couldn't read music? ok Hara-sen's involvement???? 0.71/10 - Who is he, why is he there, why did he do the thing; also why was sajou like “hara-sen hara-sen” in the beginning then he told blond dude it doesn’t have to do w hara-sen and they all moved on Fluff: 0.24/10 Realistic boy voices in high school: 0.2/10 - They’re so deep… but they get higher during the concert???????? Fr what up Plot and movie scenes coming full circle: 7/10 (the two scenes by the fountain w the spilled drink) - kinda cool ig, though felt kinda forced and for the sake of ~feels~ Little bubbles that float from characters randomly: 6/10 - cute but kinda random Eyes: 7.68/10 - Very expressive and comical but felt just kinda silly lol.  At least two half-aliens in the movie

------------

Give it a watch ;D She cute and fresh as lemon soda :lemon emoji: 

See you next time on bromomovie reviews ;)

[sapphiremirror]

kravitz week day 1: past/old family

warnings for vague character death (it’s kravitz, he’s kinda-sorta still alive lmao)

kravitz had dreams, once. he recalls them at night, lying beside taako, fleeting snippets of wants and hopes and memories from centuries ago. things that make his heart pound to think about, make tears well in his eyes if he thinks too hard.

he had a mother, a real one, not a goddess’s love filling the void of his heart and the form of his body and the shape of his magic. she was beautiful, he recalls. she could sing; she taught him how to play—what did she teach him? what instruments did he learn? the answer comes to him through forgotten, now-remembered strings of old memories. flute, and cello, and piano.

did he have a father? he cannot remember. perhaps he died. perhaps he left. perhaps he was just… distant. unmemorable. kravitz has no feelings toward him. why is that?

he had a sister, younger than him, bright-eyed and loud-voiced and lovely in every way. “ali,” she would call him when she was very small, and then later, when he changed his name, “kravvy.” always the sweetest nicknames for him, names that, when he thinks too long about them, make him weep silently for the little life he can no longer touch.

kravitz knows he died, of course, knows that he was killed, knows how he was killed, and knows who killed him. his sister was… not yet a teenager. eight? ten? he can’t recall. and he was… mid-twenties? probably? he has long since stopped paying attention to his age. he is centuries old.

but he recalls every single detail of that day, of that afternoon, of that night. the nightmares still plague him if he tries to sleep, which is why he tries to not do that, no matter how much taako insists that it is a “nice feeling.” death still fears the images of his past, and he will not sleep to see them.

he doesn’t have to—every moment is ingrained into his mind like the intricate carvings on the headboard of the bed magnus crafted for them. he remembers waking up, the sun streaming through the window, closing his eyes against the golden rays, stretching. feeling refreshed. he remembers bathing extra-long for the occasion—an audition, a job interview. he remembers gathering up folders upon folders of sheet music, of compositions, of masterpieces he created, and eating half an apple before the nerves got the better of him and he was almost sick in the sink. he remembers kissing his sister’s forehead and saying, “i’ll see you next week,” he remembers waving good-bye to his mother as he got on his horse and set about making his way towards the city through the forest.

he remembers never making it to the city, because he made the stupid mistake of forgetting his flute, his source of magic, at home, and he remembers his horse being shot out from under him and his arms being grabbed by strange hooded people and a muttered spell that forced him stiff and still. he remembers the inside of the house, quaint enough, well-decorated, and the dreadful and horrifying cellar beneath.

he remembers the smell of his own blood, the shrieking of his nerves, the darkness and the coldness of death gripping at his heart and his lungs.

he remembers his last thought as a living man being that he would never again get to see his sister.

he remembers waking, small and cold and trembling and weak, formless, in a bleak black throne room before a massive, feathered, masked woman with talons for nails and a deep husky voice. he remembers being offered a job to kill those who killed him and his family.

he remembers that being revealed to him, and he remembers how his bodiless soul flickered as he screamed out his grief. he remembers the goddess calmly walking him through the facts of the matter—after he was killed, the dreadful cultists realized they needed more sacrifices, and so they found the home where kravitz’s mother and sister were waiting for him to return and they captured them and they slaughtered them, just as they did to kravitz.

he remembers the goddess offering him a job, offering him revenge for his dead family, and he remembers, in a blind rage, without considering the concept of eternity, agreeing to her offer. he remembers how she took his soul in her hands and formed him and molded him into a body, an echo of who he was before, clothed in black and red and raven’s feathers, a scythe gripped in a trembling hand.

he remembers the cold, disconnected wrath with which he destroyed those who had killed his beautiful mother and innocent sister. he remembers the blood on his cloak and the tears on his fabricated cheeks when he broke down once more in the basement of that awful house.

he remembers the two centuries he spent cold, emotionless, barely a being outside of his work as an emissary.

he remembers, two hundred and thirty-seven years later, finally seeing himself in a reflection and pausing. he remembers the months and years he spent agonizing over his image when he was alive. he remembers the bandages and the corsets and the endless layers he would wear to try to appear as he so desperately wanted to. he realizes, suddenly, in this moment, staring at himself in the mirror inside an old, decrepit, ghoul-infested manor, that he looks the way he always wished he could have looked.

he remembers crying for the first time in almost two and a half centuries.

he remembers more things since that moment of self-awareness. he remembers collecting instruments, and shiny things, and treasures, and soft things, and worthless trinkets, and priceless collectibles, and storing them in an empty construct of a room that soon turned into a living space. he remembers the first time he saw a record player, that he picked it up with a whole collection of records and toted them all back to his room and sat on the floor just listening to the music.

he remembers falling in love a few times, only for them to become afraid once they learned who he really was.

he remembers no longer trying to find someone.

he remembers, not too long ago, comparatively, that time when he wasn’t looking that someone found him, and invited him to a pottery class, and snatched his unbeating heart from his chest and never gave it back.

he turns over in bed and wraps his arms securely around his husband and kisses his sleep-warm freckled face and whispers declarations of love until he runs out of synthesized breath, until the sun rises, until the big green eyes are revealed from under their closed lids and the small lines at the corners crease up with a drowsy smile.

memories are saved for the dark. in the morning, it is now.

[berryherbist]

So I just finished The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci and

It...wasn’t good. In my opinion.

Well, I technically didn’t finish now, but this was what I sent my friend right after I finished reading it. It’s not a genuine review, mostly just things I felt right after I finished (and still do tbh). I felt like sharing it though so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I might do a more in depth review later, but I’ll just post this for now.

I wanna preface this by saying there’s nothing wrong with liking this book, and I’m not judging anyone who does, it just...wasn’t good. Also, there are spoilers ahead

Alright leggo

Honestly?? Honestly??? Where do I begin?? Specifics or the overall book?? Either way it was  b a d. Okay I guess to start, I feel like this whole book was a waste of time. Not in the "I hated it I wish I hadn't read it sort of way" though. I just felt like it was a set up for the second book. Like yeah, it technically had its own plot, but literally nothing was resolved and there were no answers to major questions. I was hoping to get /something/ by the end of the book, but it just raised even more questions and half of what happened didn't make sense after that ending. And it has absolutely no right to be as long as it is. There are so many parts that are unmemorable or useless, ngl I had trouble remembering half of the book.I feel like every scene or exchange between characters should either move the plot along or develop the characters more, and that hardly  e v e r  happened. A lot of Tobias' dialogue was just to show how much better he is than the other people in the tournament. Like, Orion and some of the others were decent, but Tobias was like the Golden Child of this whole thing. Like he couldn't ever do anything wrong. Even if he did fuck up or make a bad decision he ended up being right. Jenna shows obvious favoritism towards her two main characters and everyone else fades into the background so much they can hardly be considered shadows.I mean, she has how many characters and how fleshed out are they? Tobias and Leila are hardly fleshed out and don't change at all from their first to last appearance. I guess you could say Delphi is kind of developed, but even then we don't see too much of her. She's got a very tropey personality and most of her appearances are to connect Tobias and Leila.And I couldn't even be sad at any of the character deaths!! I can't even remember half of their names, let alone their personalities. I literally had to go back and reread the contestant's names (Raphael who?? Neil who??). I was disappointed at Orion's death, but not /sad/. It was more like a "damn, you're one of the few characters I don't hate reading about and now you're gone." And those characters hardly get a backstory. Again I know the book doesn't revolve around them but damn, if you're going to include this many characters don't just make them accessories to your mains.(She's got portraits/art for so many of her characters but they don't even have a story hdrasfjh. if you're going to go through the trouble getting official designs for them give them official backgrounds maybe??)Now moving on to individual characters...just...fuck...fuck I hate Tobias and Leila so much.First of all they're so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid. Especially Tobias. Why can't they just keep it in their pants and focus on things that are actually important? Like the tournament?? Or whatever the fuck Leila is doing?? Or the fact that they're being so obvious?? I didn't like Flynn but I agreed with him more times than I did with Tobias. At least Flynn understood it was a competition. Yeah, he was arrogant and was there for very selfish reasons, but damn he actually had his head on straighter than Tobias. If anything Jenna's most fleshed out character was Flynn. He showed both bravery and cowardice, he had his own goals and personality, and despite the fact he threatened to betray Tobias, he was basically loyal in the end. Aside from when the Sovereign ordered Flynn to kill him but like. Can you blame him? Also, if I found out that one of the people I was competing against didn't even want the "prize" (I don't like referring to the Savior as that but that's basically what she is adkjfadjdla) that I could possibly lose my life over than yeah I'm going to be pissed?? 

Tobias is just a Gary Stu. He's handsome, a "good man," selfless, talented, loved by many, and always talks about how fucked up and corrupted the competition is, as if other people don't know that?? I'm also pissy at how good he was at fighting. The boy has 0 experience except for the time he trained with Leila but he was able to kill the Giant, Drake, and Kaleo. I guess you could argue that he was fueled by rage or whatever, but against trained assassins?? I don't think so.And then Leila. Fuckign Leila. She was so boring. SO so boring. Basically just a female Tobias. Pretty, good at fighting, smart, and independent, with almost no flaws whatsoever, if any. Maybe you could count her being secretive as a flaw, but Tobias had literally no right to know what she was up to or any of her secrets. He obviously doesn't understand what goes on between politicians and other aspects of the tournament (or whatever Brontes is doing?? idk man) but he still demands Leila tell him anyway. Anyway, there's nothing intriguing about Leila at all. Get those two together and it's just cardboard on cardboard. They're so boring, and all they ever talk about is how much they "love" each other. I know Jenna was probably trying to hide the instant romance in TSC but they still only had thirty days to fall in love. And maybe it's just me but none of it felt real. SO much of it just felt like lust (how many times did we have to read about wet dreams or them grinding on each other like adhskja).As for her villains?? I honestly think I liked them more than her main characters. I mean, they weren't developed at all but I couldn't hate them just because they were dicks.Kaleo, for example. He's an asshole. Just a real mean fucker. Yeah, I didn't like how arrogant and unnecessarily cruel he was, but because he had no backstory or clear motives throughout the whole book I was just waiting on a reason to really hate him. The same thing goes for Cosima. We spend the whole book thinking she's the Savior, so I always thought a lot of her behavior was due to never having a mother and only being raised by her father (who I thought was just very protective at first tbh). But still, I don't even know how to describe her. Not quite bitchy but not the nicest either. Selfish maybe? Like, when Raphael was bitten or whatever she let the judging go on. Fake? How she flirted with all of the contestants. Ngl though I felt kinda bad, because she's the one who wasn't allowed to choose who she got to marry. (Kinda unrelated but Tobias always complained that men died for her and yeah it's fucked up but?? That's the competition?? and even though she's the Savior I doubt she could just be like "lmao nah let's not do this." He likes to act all righteous and good but he doesn't know wtf he's talking about lol). Or just gross, when she started groping and kissing Tobias when he obviously didn't want it? And it wasn't until the very end of the book that we started seeing those parts of her. When it's revealed that Leila is the actual Savior it was like, "okay, I'm supposed to hate her because she took advantage of acting as the Savior, and she betrayed one of the main characters. I see why she's an antagonist now." But it felt so cheap. Kaleo and Cosima were just there to make Tobias and Leila look better by comparison.

Did the people close to Tobias even matter??? Okay, so we had Milo, who was annoying af. I was lowkey happy when he died because I wouldn't have to read about him any more, but I also just. Couldn't care. Yeah he was Tobias' best friend but there wasn't a lot about him. And Tobias seemed to bicker with him more than anything tbh.His sister and mom were just kind of?? Forgotten after awhile?? His sister was the reason he entered the competition but soon enough everything was for Leila. He was fighting for Leila. He wanted to protect Leila. Leila was literally the only thing ever on his mind. Gaining a new motivation is one thing, but forgetting the people closest to you and focusing on girl you've known for a month is messed up. He was even about to leave with Leila to the forest at the very end. If I recall correctly Leila was the one to suggest going to their home. He was willing to just leave them in favor of running away with Leila.

Brontes was such a cut out villain it  h u r t (also fuck the official pronunciation of his name imma say it how I please). Old dude in position of power after more power (and we still don't know why) who has an obvious hatred toward the main character and is trying to sabotage him. Wowza. I'm so intrigued.I also  h a t e  how Jenna made it obvious who we were supposed to like and who we were supposed to hate. We need to hate Kaleo because he's a dick, we need to like Tobias because he's a nice guy. There was no depth to  a n y  of these characters. I'm not saying antagonists need to be a likable person, but they should be able to be appreciated as a character. I didn't like any of the antagonists in Gentlemen Bastards, but I at least found them interesting, and clever in some way. They were awful people, but they didn't give off that "high school bully" vibe that Jenna's antagonists did.There's nothing to differentiate the characters aside from whether they were "good" or "evil." There's no diversity in their mannerisms or the way they speak. Brontes, who's a royal, speaks the same way Tobias, a peasant, does. Also, you could tell me that Brontes and the contestants are all the same age and I'd believe you.Again kinda unrelated and it's not a book but like, in Boku no Hero Academia a lot of the villains have likable (and different!!!!) personalities and I actually enjoy them *cough* Dabi *cough* so it's not impossible.This might be just me nitpicking but I've got a problem with the way Jenna portrays Pippa. In her videos she claims that Pippa has development issues?? (like all of her characters lol) or something like that. As in she doesn't act her age. And idk if it was her intention but I really hope that that wasn't an attempt at diversity or anything. You can't claim diversity or representation in a book if you need to clarify outside of the book. 

Fuck in g world building. There. Was. None. Of. It.Here's what I know about the world: 

1.) There are multiple kingdoms (can't remember the name of Tobias' tbh) 

2.) The first Savior brought success or peace or goodness or whatever to his Kingdom and is now seen as a Goddess, essentially. 

3.) There's a brutal tournament to choose her husband when she comes of age

Other than that we don't know anything about the world or their society. What kind of customs do they have? What's their language like? I'm not saying she needs to give us every single detail of their world, but there are so many gaps that the reader has to fill in, and it feels so goddamn generic. You've got your royals, your peasants, your armies. Apparently it's like a greco-roman thing? But I wouldn't be able to get that from the book. I don't even have a lot to say on world building aside from the fact that it's just not there asejgfaldksfh. Alright alright the pacing of the book pisses me tf off.So the start wasn't too bad, the prologue has the Savior's mother being assassinated, and it doesn't take too long for Tobias to enter the tournament, and we get to the Labyrinth quickly enough, but after that there's a ton of up and down. For example the challenge that's like. Capture the flag or something like that. I hardly remember it, and you could tell moments like that were only so Jenna had an excuse to kill of another character that wasn't important. But then there were moments with Leila and Tobias that just dragged on and on, like their conversations or their time in the art gallery, and they weren't even interesting conversations. Nothing to move the plot along or reveal much about the characters. I guess you could say that it was to further develop their relationship, but I just felt like that's the only reason why they existed. I didn't feel like there was chemistry between two individuals, just two characters that were being forced to love each other.Again, not a book, but imma take Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99 for example (I wanna use Percy and Annabeth but it's been like seven years since I've read it and I'd probably butcher their story lol). Anyway, Jake and Amy are easily their own person, and they're both really different, but they both have their own goals and they both admire each other for different reasons. They help each other grow, both inside and outside their relationship, and they're better people because of each other. Leila and Tobias don't have that. It takes pages and pages of dialogue, and moments where they are the only two interacting, to try and convince the reader that they're right for each other. Chemistry between characters shouldn't be forced through romantic or intimate situations. The reader needs to believe that the characters as individuals are good for each other. I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense here aeskjfh. 

Okay but back to pacing. The ending was just. So forced. And so rushed. And did absolutely  n o t h i n g  for TSC. In the very last pages we find out that Leila is the Savior and Cosima was just a face, but?? Why?? What was the point of withholding all of that information until the end if we're not going to get anything out of it. You could argue that we're going to learn more in the second book, but that's just bad writing imo. Obviously you're not going to get all of your questions answered in the first book of a series, but there should be some sort of closure at the end of an individual book, and we don't get that. The reader is left in the dark about everything at the end of TSC. We don't know anything, or understand what's going on. Imma just. complain about the fuckign part where Tobias is taken by Kaleo and Brontes. First of all, cheesy and lazy as fuck. I feel like that was just a way for Jenna to tell the reader what Brontes' plan was, or to further show how much of a dick they are, even though we already know. Also, just the whole being tortured thing. Really?? How many times have I seen that before??And then the  w a y  it ended. I was so disappointed. Aside from the fact that the last challenge/the maze felt rushed, the fight between Kaleo, Tobias, and Flynn was so boring and cliche. The way Flynn and Tobias worked together to defeat Kaleo. How Tobias was able to take down this ruthless assassin ("Fuck your parting words" afsdwkjld). And then what happened after Leila was revealed as the Savior, when they decide to go to his home. I honestly thought that the ending was just the end to another chapter and there would be another left. I turned the page and I was like, "Huh. So that's it then." I wasn't left feeling excited or looking forward to what happens next. I was disappointed and felt a little cheated. I spent all of this time following Tobias and Leila on their journey and I got nothing out of it, besides a forced romance. Also, I'm kinda just repeating myself here, but finding out that Leila is the Savior gives us some explanation for her behavior and actions, but now I wanna know wtf Cosima was for?? And why she was allowed to do that in the first place?? Like, I know Brontes wants to kill her, but why would Brontes let Cosima pretend to be the Savior. My guess is that Brontes would be able to kill Leila, the actual Savior, without creating chaos in the kingdom, but I don't know.

There is so much miscommunication/lack of communication in this story and I'm hte fuckign.There could've been so many questions answered throughout the book. I know I said Tobias has no right to know about Leila's plans, but she could've said something other than "it's complicated" or "you wouldn't understand." How many times did that happen?? Right when I thought we might learn something Leila would go on to say that Tobias couldn't find out, or something would come up and she would have to leave before she could tell him anything. This might've been able to work once, MAYBE twice, but it happened so often that I knew those kinds of scenes were useless and wouldn't provide us with anything, so it took whatever suspense was supposed to be there away.You could argue that because TSC is written in third person limited Tobias wouldn't know all of the secrets to the tournament and the government or whatever, but the way Jenna revealed things was so cheap. He suddenly gets an explanation from Leila at the very end, and Brontes and Kaleo capture him and tell him what their plan is. It would've been so much more interesting if Tobias took small things he learned here and there and pieced it together himself, or at least had some theories. Instead he focuses on Leila this, Leila that, why won't Leila tell me anything. All he does is brood and complain and it's so goddamn old.It kinda felt like the, "And then I woke up and realized it was all a dream" explanation.

I also really, really hate the way she treated her LGBT characters, aside from Dephi, she was decent. But she used the “kill you gays” trope. I’m not saying they needed to stay alive, I understand most of them were going to die, but she killed off one of them and then completely got rid of the other.

And then Kaleo. From what I can tell he’s bisexual.Which is obviously not a bad thing, but he wasn’t just a perv, he was disgusting and invasive, and even worse threatened to sexually assault assault Tobias, which feeds into the idea that bisexual people are just predators and want to fuck everything (Idk if I’m being clear about this hhh)

But yeah that’s all for now y’all

[thejpfdude-blog]

The Spring 2017 Shows Awards

Hello friends and welcome to the annual INSERT SEASON HERE Shows Awards! It’s the end of a season, which means it’s time to look back at just why this season was so bad. Just kidding, except only partially.

Before I get into the rankings and awards, I want to talk a little about this season. If there’s one word to describe the season, it’s underwhelming. Not that that means it was a bad season, but that it just felt... unmemorable. None of the shows here caught my attention, and I feel like a few months from now I’m gonna forget about most, if not all of them. They aren’t bad (otherwise I would’ve dropped them), just something about them doesn’t resonate with me. We’ll see if the two shows below that are 2-cour get better as time goes on, but for the others gg.

Anyway, let’s start off this thing with the rankings as always, featuring the least amount of shows I’ve watched since I started watching anime seasonally:

Rankings:

1. Tsuki ga Kirei (7/10)

2. Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai (7/10)

3. Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season (7/10 ONGOING)

4. Sakura Quest (7/10 ONGOING)

5. Aggressive Retsuko (7/10 ON HOLD)

6. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ (6/10)

Awards:

Best Anime: Tsuki ga Kirei (HM: Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai)

Out of all of the seasons of anime I watched, this was the hardest season to determine a AOTS. On the one hand you have one of the best romance shows to come out in a while, and on the other hand you have one of the best shorts I’ve watched in a while. I flipped back and forth while writing this post, but in the end the romance edged out the short, and it’s because... well I mentioned it a sentence ago. Tsuki ga Kirei is probably one of the better pure romances to come out recently, and it does it by pure execution. Storywise it’s the tale of two lovers meeting and the scenes during their time in their final year of middle school; in other words, not an amazing plot. But who cares about the plot when you get an established couple by episode 3, a kiss by episode 6 (or so), and a canon ending with them together! Like, that’s some pretty rare stuff in anime. Gotta cherish it while you have it. The reason why I don’t have this rated higher is that even with the nice romance, the characters themselves were super forgettable. Even now I’ve already forgotten most of the stuff from the show. So yeah, that’s really the one thing that this show didn’t have for me: impact. Sure, those final scenes in episode 12 were some good stuff, but woulda been nice if it was longer (or at least not crammed into a 2 minute montage). Still, it was a nice watch at the time.

Shoutout to the short above whose name I still don’t know off the top of my head. It was a nice little story with cute art and funny antics. And also some romance. And the best part is it didn’t drag on for a million episodes unlike a certain short whose name is...

Worst Anime: Nobunaga no Shinobi S2

Wow that transition was smooth as a baby. Yeah, I technically dropped this show, but I don’t like putting Saekano S2 as my worst show of the season when I at least enjoyed some of it, which is more than I can say about this show. It’s unfortunate really: when it first aired I loved the comedy and the artstyle was pretty cute. But as more episodes aired, the jokes didn’t change and got stale, they introduced characters that were annoying and eventually there were too many of them to keep track of, leaving me confused and saying “who was this dude again?”. I started to dread watching it, so I just ended up dropping the show about a few weeks ago. I will say though if this show ends next season (can’t be this season because apparently episode 14 came out), I might watch the rest of it, seeing as it’s only 3 minutes per episode. But no more: once I stopped watching it I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Truly, bad anime is bad.

Best Surprise: Tsuki ga Kirei (HM: Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai)

Well would you look at that: same order as the AOTS category. Yeah, I don’t think I expected anything from Tsuki ga Kirei coming into the season. Even going into the season too: I dropped the show around 2 episodes in because there was no couple and I found it boring AF. I picked it up again after hearing there was an established couple, and haven’t looked back since. If that’s not a surprise, I don’t know what is.

Shoutout to the short above for not even being in my radar until a friend of mine pointed it out. Thank you friend who shall not be named.

Worst Disappointment: Saekano S2 (HM: Sakura Quest kinda)

I mean I wouldn’t say I didn’t expect it, but it’s still kinda disappointing nevertheless. Seeing as how I heard Saekano would turn up the drama in season 2, I was expecting drama. Just... not Oregairu S2 levels of drama. Everything I liked from the first season was de-emphasized for the drama, and it left a show that while most people enjoyed, I didn’t enjoy much. Well, happens.

Shoutout to a show that most people thought would be akin to Shirobako but hasn’t shown much in its first cour.

Best Girl: Megumi Katou (Saekano S2) with HM to all the wonderful girls in Boku no Hero Academia S2

Even with all of the shenanigans that happened in the show, Megumi still ended up being my favorite character of the season. Her relaxed mannerisms juxtaposed with the trope-y characters made her stand out more, funny considering she’s the laconic type.

Shoutouts to literally all of the girls of BnHA. They all have their different quirks, both power-wise and personality-wise, that make the show fun to watch when it isn’t focused on the power of friendship and stuff.

Best Guy: Tokoyami Fumikage (Boku no Hero Academia S2) with HM to all the wonderful guys in the same show

I mean there were at least 5 different characters from BnHA I could’ve chosen for this, but I like Tokoyami’s calm personality. Plus his power’s pretty frickin awesome. But yeah, I coulda chosen anyone from BnHA because similar to what I said above, their quirks make the show fun.

Worst Girl: The one glasses girl from Renai Boukun

I really had to reach for this category and the next one, because I didn’t watch much shows and I couldn’t think of a girl I could definitively say was the worst. So I went into my dropped shows and got the sole reason I dropped the show above. Mini-shoutouts to literally every girl from Eromanga-sensei: I would give them the award, but I didn’t even watch an episode of the show so it didn’t feel fair.

Worst Guy: That one general dude from Nobunaga no Shinobi S2

Similarly to above, here’s one of the main reasons why I dropped my worst show of the season.

Best OP: Don’t (Warau Salesman New) with HM to Hitorigoto (Eromanga-sensei), Peace Sign (Boku no Hero Academia S2), and Morning Glory (Sakura Quest)

From a show I didn’t even give a chance towards comes the best ED of the season. The song’s hippin and boppin and the visuals are top notch as well.

Shoutouts to Hitorigoto (even though the show sucks, the OP’s song is great), Peace Sign (a song that grew on me with hype visuals to warm you up nicely for the episode), and Morning Glory (a fun song with visuals taking you through the life of the five girls).

Best ED: Freesia (Sakura Quest) with HM to adrenaline!!! (Eromanga-sensei) and Dakara, Hitori Janai (Boku no Hero Academia S2)

Hands down, Freesia had the best ED of the season. The song is top notch and the visuals are pretty to look at.

Shoutouts to adrenaline (again, show sucks but the ED was catchy and fine I guess the dancing was cute) and Dakara, Hitori Janai (featuring the girls of class 1-A with a song that grew on me as the season went on).

BONUS AWARDS

The TheJPFDude Happy Show of the Season: Tsuki ga Kirei

The only bonus award this season (because nothing else stood out), Tsuki ga Kirei gets the award for happiest show for being a nice pure romance with some classic romance scenes. Not to mention the great ending putting a nice touch to a show most would say is a romance classic.

And that’s all for this season’s awards! Not much to talk about honestly, but at least next season looks promising. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you in the next post!