#it’s just one day a month tho right……..???? right…………………???
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Happy Valentine's Day!! What do you think Levi would be like with his partner on Valentine's Day?
Happy Valentine's Day! (Totally ignoring the fact that in my country, Valentine's isn't really a thing—lmao.)
Mh… I guess it depends on how important it is to his partner? Like, if they have an unspoken agreement not to do anything over the top, he'd make sure to get the chocolates they like or maybe a flower or two—and that’s about it. I have this feeling that Levi isn’t really into "special days" like Valentine's. He’s more about small, consistent gestures every day rather than grand romantic displays.
Now, if his partner is someone who really, really likes these kinds of occasions, he might step out of his comfort zone and plan something. Not because he genuinely thinks Valentine's is important, but because she thinks it's important—and she is important to him. So, in conclusion, it becomes an important day. Nothing public, though—that’s for sure. Maybe he'd book a restaurant in advance, something low-key, and get her some chocolates or flowers.
Tho… I can’t shake the feeling that when Levi is trying to "win the heart of the person he loves," he goes straight for the classics—only to completely miss the mark lmao.
Like: "Valentine’s… we’ve been on two dates… I want her, I like her. So… flowers. Women like flowers for Valentine's, right?"
He aims for the gentleman, timeless romance approach but somehow takes a sharp left turn into a logic that only makes sense to him.—
"…You’re giving me a plant?" She watches as Levi carefully arranges a potted plant on her balcony.
"Yes. The shop owner said in a year or two, you’ll get flowers in winter." He nods, as if this is the most obvious thing in the world. "Why waste money on overpriced flowers wrapped in plastic that die in a week when you can have real ones that last for months?"
'Yeah… I just have to wait two years?' She stares at the pot, blinking. "That’s… really thoughtful. Just that—"
He cuts her off. "I thought about it. I hate watering plants and dirt getting everywhere. I got you a plate for it. No stained floors."
"No… my cat is going to eat it. That’s why I don’t have plants."
Tho haha great story to tale about how they started dating lol
#levi ackerman#levi#captain levi#levi aot#snk levi#levi x reader#levi x y/n#aot levi#snk levi ackerman#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackeman#levi attack on titan#captain levi ackerman x you#captain levi x reader#captian levi x reader#captain levi ackerman x y/n#captain levi x you#levi shingeki no kyojin#levi x you#aot#attack on titan#snk#shingeki no kyojin#attack on titans#levi ackerman snk#levi ackerman x female!reader
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so i’m just expected to be a functioning person in the month of june okay sure
#this is vee speaking#there’s likely to be sonic news that month for his bday like yeah let’s just get jumped by content lol#pride month is always bat month lmao like wow i love seeing the countdown to the end timer lmao#i want to take days off for the releases so bad lmao i can’t imagine being at work when we’re getting story again 😭😭😭😭#i hate taking days off tho what’s the equivalent of catholic guilt but for work lol that’s what i be going thru 😭😭😭#it’s just one day a month tho right……..???? right…………………???
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Happy Birthday Kaho!! 🩷🎂
It's still the 24th in some places so I'm just right on time lol 💕
#not to mention my day's right after hers so it's simply a double celebration ✨#okay real talk tho i got so held up with irl stuffs and comms that i barely had the time to rush this one out#i had a different birthday art of her i had in mind#but it's so heavily rendered that if i worked on that now i might only finish it by the end of the month 😭#i might just save it for next year then lol#assassination classroom#ansatsu kyoushitsu#assclass#tsuchiya kaho#kaho tsuchiya#my art#art#digital art#my illustration#happy birthday#september 24#assclass ootd#my daughter is so pretty 😭😭💕
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my cat has taken it upon herself to be my bathroom buddy and recently she's added into the routine "sit on sink and purr in ear" SPECIFICALLY when i use the bathroom in the mornings. i do not understand why she does this, but she's so cute i cant even pretend it doesnt make me smile
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#these ones are from a few days ago she does this everyday now tho#this was when it finally hit me she'd been doing this for an indeterminate amt of time def longer than 2 months#she's such a little sweetie#this morning when my wife and i were lazing before getting ready she and her brother jumped up between us and he was laying up on my right#arm and she was at my left hand at my hip and it was such a sweet little moment and then when he jumped away she ran up and around so i#could wrap her in the blanket 😭😭 she's not very used to it still cause she Just realized like last week that being in blankets feels nice#but she's soooooo cute about when she wants it now 😭💞#we're such a cute little family lmao
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so I work two jobs, at an auto parts store and a cafe and I've noticed that people at the parts place think im a dude and the cafe customers assume im a girl its so interesting to see
#i had someone at the car place refer to me saying 'he- she- uhh sorry idk what to call you'#im pretty sure i just said 'pick one' which must have confused her so bad 💀#i appreciate you pronouns lady#also something interesting im seeing is that people respect me more at the parts store when they think im a guy#also its fun when people call me buddy hehe idk if thats just an appalachia thing but its like#what older people say to younger people#idk how old i look to people who think im a guy lmao but i guess they think im a teenager#i do have teenager voice syndrome right now unfortunately 💀#omg its so funny (uh and a little scary) when customers refer to me as 'he' to my coworkers and theyre confused 😅#theyre all rural conservatives so im a little spooked at whats gonna happen when i come back to work after being away for 3 months#cause hopefully ill be more clearly masculine#they havent asked me about it and im not telling them lmao#im the only 'girl' there right now 💀 oops#actually customers call me 'the female' 🙃 LOL#i stay silly tho#i look forward to every tuesday bc thats when i give myself my T shot :)#i have to go get bloodwork done soon oh no#for my hormone levels#if u read this far ily its nice to know youre interested in my rambling#i reduced my dose of anxiety/depression/general mood stabilizer med and i regret it so hard rn ive been SO anxious#pray for me#ok life story over bye#have a nice day#drink some water#mine
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re: the last post i reblogged bc i am realizing just how much i yapped in the tags and i do not wish to subject the wider tumblr public to that rant LMAO
#copying the tags bc it is very much a tag rant#bros. truly it has been nothing but a wonderful time here#perhaps even the most enjoyable time i have ever had in a fandom despite being here for like 3 months tops#(bc i'm actually posting stuff and interacting with people for once but i digress)#but i cannot deny. being part of a smaller quieter fandom after coming from some of the larger ones on here has me scratching at the walls#guy on the left was me in september where everything was new to me and i had all this wonderful fanwork to go through. autism heaven#guy on the right. me rn. please do not ask me how many times i have refreshed the tags on both here and ao3. it's ungodly#has me doing things like (on top of actually interacting with people) rereading fics. long ones. which i have done before. twice?#out of many years of reading#i've hunted down nice long fics older than me (also never done before) (because none of my other fandoms are older than me but still)#[edit nvm i remembered there was exactly one fandom i've dipped my toes in that is also older than me so ive definitely read some fics#from there that were Aged. didnt hunt those down tho it just happened. edit over]#but i've put off reading them bc like. what if they don't get them like we do yknow. what if they write something and it's Wrong#perhaps a terrible thing to think of them because what i can tell their writing is very high quality but still..#every day i consider rereading welcome to the panopticon on ao3 and one day the demons will take over and i will be reading all 88k words#once more. among other fics#congrats to these guys they truly have consumed me and i fear it is terminal#kit yap session
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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in continuation of my last post, but i honestly think that the reason that i prefer games where in order to be cheap its all left gender neutral vs intentionally trying to be inclusive is bcs the unintentional nb rep is the only one that i feel kinda captures my specific autistic + trauma/ptsd combo of gender. like i loved datv having the explicit option of playing as a nb character but none of the dialogue options reflected anything i could relate too. n i know most trans rep is still in the early days n falls into the same tropes of wrong body/doesnt feel like either/long struggle to find ur true self etc which is valid n true for some. just not me
n i still dont fully know how to explain my own experiences like its a lot more of i always knew, but also more i was always very aware of how i was perceived as girl/woman n identifying w aspects of that due to how my assigned/socialized/raised/whatever gender has affected my life n that i am navigating life being perceived as an autistic bisexual woman n how that exact combination has some very unlucky statistics in regards to specific traumas n experiences n how that has likely affected things for me as well. n that idc anymore abt trying to look a certain way to be validated bcs ill never be able to control how ppl perceive me anyway. my body isnt me its just an aspect of me n shouldn't dictate how i perform gender or how other perceive my performance of it. like i know it does, but it shouldn't, its silly
but the easiest way to sum it up is the autistic i dont even feel like a person combined w the ptsd i dont even feel like a person. like idk how to explain to ppl that yeah sure im a woman in some ways i guess but also i am not. honestly huge shout out to the lesbians n their different ways of navigating their relationship w womanhood, legit hearing butches, studs n trans masc lesbians talk abt this specifically was such a help n made me stop feeling like i had to present a certain way or reject all aspects of womanhood in order to be nb, love ya'll
anyway the unintentional representation just feels better for me bcs no gender exists just the person n i feel that. i know there's so many different nb n trans experiences but i wish mine would one day be explicitly n intentionally represented in the media i like, n not just bcs its cheaper to make ur voice actors record everything once n avoid having to program in gender in interactions
#im not complaining tho ill take it bcs as i said so far it still feels better than most attempts at representation#but intentional would just be nice too#but its ok bcs most of my ocs r nb like this n one day i will finish one of my stories#cant find the right representation so i make it for myself#jackie rambles#i went to bed early n now its 2am n im months into my current bad period of sleep issues/lack of sleep so im gonna pass out now
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i dont think i've ever had such a drastic change from sketch to final
i also dont think an idea has ever taken me this long to execute JHDKFH
#only thing comparable is the sketch i decided was cringe and abandoned#only to revisit it like 8 months later when he died and it's on the front page of one of his memorial books now-#it felt too emotional at the time for silly block game and i was embarrassed about it#felt just right later on. still a huge favorite of mine. might redo it one day :0#feels wrong to redo it but also feels like doing it justice ya know#but anyways this aint about that. love this one too lol#the posing changed SO MUCH.......... it might as well be entirely new 😭#im in love with how it turned out tho. even if i CLEARLY lost steam later#techno's HAIR probably has more lines than simon. like all of simon#chat
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when you say outsiders do you mean the book i had to read in like 6th grade for requires reading or is it something else? bc i remember that book was Great but also Not what i wanted to do over summer break
I do mean that book, and the 80’s movie, and now the musical which has rekindled my obsession
#also watching the 13 episodes made of the worst quality 1990s tv show on YouTube#worst quality in both ways#content wise because S.E. Hinton herself says she hates the show with passion and it’s so OOC#and worst physical quality because as someone on twitter said it’s like it was filmed on a Nintendo 3DS#it’s so grainy the characters all meld together#makes you feel like you just got your eyes dilated#and there’s like no other way to watch it than on YouTube#so that I’m just doing for fun because it’s so bad it’s good#I’ve basically spent the last 2 months reading every other Hinton book and watching the other movies#Tex is my fave after The Outsiders#one day I’ll see the musical#idk when but they gotta tour sometime right?#but yeah I’ll admit it’s not a fandom I thought I’d get sucked back into as hard as I did#im just such a sucker for brothers looking out for each other#I still have more plans for SOB tho so I’m working on it
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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so with this year’s April Fool’s event, which is themed after the Chinese Zodiac, A3! has given almost every character confirmed official birth years depending on what zodiac clan they were assigned to! these are as follows:
?????? - Guy, Azuma (they were assigned the cat, which is an unofficial / excluded zodiac sign. clever move, Liber.)
1987 (Rabbit) - Sakyo
1991 (Ram) - Homare
1992 (Monkey) - Chikage, Hisoka
1993 (Rooster) - Tsumugi
1994 (Dog) - Tasuku, Itaru
1995 (Pig) - Citron
1997 (Ox) - Omi
1998 (Tiger) - Misumi, Kazunari
1999 (Rabbit) - Tsuzuru
2000 (Dragon) - Banri, Juza
2001 (Snake) - Sakuya, Tenma, Taichi
2002 (Horse) - Masumi, Kumon
2003 (Ram) - Yuki, Muku
2004 (Monkey) - Azami
(Izumi got assigned Rat, which would be 1996, but based on canon statements about her age (her knowing Sakyo as a kid + her being the same general age as TaTsm), she’s presumably a 1992-1993 baby & she got put in Rat solely bc no one else filled that slot.)
#a3#a3! act addict actors#listing all this has made me realise the way a3 labels ages is…. interesting.#bc of how it does things people who may be only a few months apart in age will be listed as an entire year apart#because based on these birthdays it lists everyone as the age they’re turning within that act (going april to march)#so say… tasuku who’s only a few months older than itaru is listed as a year older than him bc he turned 23 right before act 1. whereas itar#turns 23 at the start of it. and then tasuku turns 24 in february. and then for acts 2 on the ages just tick up one#so even tho for most of the year they’re the same age tasuku will be listed as older#this is the same for masumi & kumon and sakuya & taiten#this makes a lot of age assignments for the students Interesting also bc they seem younger than they should be?#maybe i got too used to how enstars does the age stuff but 15-16 for 1st years 16-17 for second years 17-18 for third years…#but a3 has the third years turn 17 During their third year & etc. sakuya turns 17 at the very end of the school year#and it can’t be the march birthdays being the start of the year loop bc then sakuya would be a 2000 baby and masumi 2001#i think i’m overthinking this LOL. well anyways!#i also saw someone point out homare is three days too early to be a goat so LOL i don’t think they thought this through past general year#on that note is it goat or is it ram. i see people use them interchangeably. well anyways#bri.txt#omi literally only five (5) days younger than me…#also i just realised. tsuzuru being assigned rabbit LOLLLLLLLLLLL he is never getting past the white rabbit
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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okay i'm out of evil mode. peace love and a little bit of still-tired on planet earth lol 🧃
#just me hi#slept ! ! ! was it good? hell nah kfshvg#but i slept :D#wasn't allowed to go to bed for a couple hours cuz parents wanted to play a movie. it was good but it put me in a weird headspace lmsfh#//ooou my ear's doing the Thing#you know the thing. the thing it does. loll#ever since that ant was in there that one time (dear lird) when i wake up from laying on it it'll feel like. a bit inflamed on the inside ?#and kinda itchy. not good things but it's likely not going to kill me so 💥💥#'it's likely not going to kill me' <- things i likely said while pretending i couldn't see anything for like 3-4 years#oh but yea i'm going to assume it's nothing bc i was also getting phantom feelings and sounds for some weeks that caused panic so i'm not#even going to put weight on it. it's just itchy no biggy Kfshvhf :)#//anyway i think i also had a dream but i do Not remember those well At All lol#i know the last one had oath in it though so that one was cool. don't remember much else but that was sick Lmfsh :3#//Ohh it's rainingggg yippeeee :D <3#don't get much snow but we'll get tons of rain... i miss you michigannnnn <//3#//but anyway the dream thing just reminded me#so this detail may not be important but my oldest brother and i are joked to be twins. there's 2 years and at least a foot of height betwee#us (i am the short). people get our voices mixed up when we talk low and i think that's funny#we were also thick as thieves as kids. not a good thing for anybody else but Yeagh kfshvg#but there was this one time we'd both woken up and were talking abt both having had a dream the night before; giving details and such#and we had the same dream ? it's still kinda odd to this day but we had the Same Exact Dream on the same night. if not odd it's neat! :3#anyway so somewhere in the past year my brother (apollo) got a lunar on his right index finger#i kept forgetting tho and asking if it was a blood bruise (that is my bad boss ✋) and eventually the info stuck in my head#anyway so somewhere in the past two months i also got a lunar on my right index finger. i didn't even notice it until i was tryna wash my#hands and it wouldn't come off lmaoo#now that's going on ig. the timeline-clone theory grows stronger every day Kfhsvhfgsfg#//forgot what else i was going to say i went to go look into the phrase 'thick as thieves' lol#i don't understand how someone heard 'thick' and thought 'yeah. that means close now' kfshd#anyway it's old as you've prolly guessed. the earliest spot it's popped up was a newspaper that printed a letter that was written in 1827#but it mighta been used earlier than that. neat!
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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