#it’s completely consumed me lol
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Playing the Jedi games and getting back into Star Wars as one does when I came across your art, and it’s what has finally convinced me to actually commit to watching Clone Wars and Rebels instead of vaguely knowing the plot through fandom osmosis. So thank ya kindly!
woah!! i think this is a first for me, usually it's the opposite (ie i get someone who's into all the other stuff into the Jedi games loll)
#im simultaneously jealous and the complete opposite of jealous of ppl who first consumed tcw and rebels as an adult#bc on one hand i dont think child me could fully appreciate it#on the other hand theres literally no way i wouldve got so into either thing without childhood nostalgia LOL#thanks for the ask!
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Introducing Marina: Your shining savior!
“Like a beacon of light amidst a dark storm, Marina del Phis is here to brighten your day! Hailing from the deepest depths of the ocean, her role is to provide peace and prosperity with the power of her magical pearl, which allows her to grant any wish no matter how big or small. Her enchanting voice also brings bliss to those hearing it, making her a worldwide pop sensation.”
Read the full description (and further information) here!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gixwNtEwwh0IkLgZ6Tv0N6Jdovd4WQpJwhjZR9ZM46Y/edit?usp=sharing
Reblogs are appreciated!
Extras:
#welcome home#welcome home horror project#welcome home puppet show#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#wally darling#frank frankly#eddie dear#julie joyful#sally starlet#poppy patridge#howdy pillar#barnaby b beagle#welcome home home#welcome home oc#welcome home persona#my art#procreate#ibis paint x#marina del phis#original blorbos#wyrm's art#I'm so terribly sorry for my absence i haven't had the chance to post any art for the past few weeks ;-;#all this writing and drawing has completely consumed me and i couldn't rest until everything is 100% done#also i was going to post the full desc like before but it's WAYYY too long so i decided to just post the link to the google doc instead lol#edit: GAH I ALMOST FORGOT ADD A NOTE TO REBLOG
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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Jazz and J/P challenge that might help you and everybody in the fandom get unstuck: ask yourself what you like about Jazz, and what you like about his relationship with Prowl. But you can only name things that were in canon stuff or very easy to interpret from canon, no fanon or HCs allowed
ah yes!! one thing that really helped me with my fic was to break down bee and blitz' canon characterization and build upon that a fanon interpretation
its definitely something thats gonna take weeks of planning like that fic and lots of research. probably much much more with how much source material there is for jazz compared to the simplicity of tfa
i'll follow the same process as my fic when i get a more specific idea and see if that takes me anywhere 💪
#if i'm completely honest i have not consumed a lot of canon material of jazz past some g1 and bayverse#and fall of cybertron 🙏#theres so much for him in comics but i have a lot of trouble parsing that format so its gonna be a bit difficult for me#i'm sure there are youtube videos that can help lol
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gonna treat this site more like a blog and give updates on my writings because i noticed that if i get so much as one 'this sounds interesting' or 'cant wait to read' my brain short-circuits and spits out words in an hour that wouldve taken me a week to write otherwise
and with that, welcome to my wip rants :)
because i havent come up with better titles they are called The Ring (second coming fic) and Only Human (Crowley has lost his memories fic) lol and the former is mostly done, it only needs some editing but im saving that till after my exams because i know it's gonna be time-consuming. The latter however is still in full plotting mode and today i outlined all of chapter 8 (except for the flashbacks lol im ignoring the flashbacks) which i think is very nice :)
#did i work on the outline instead of studying? maybe but life's too short to not be completely consumed by good omens :)#yes yes i know going back to studying now :(#also im gonna make tags for these two wips cause why not lol#The Ring#Only Human#i think the updates will be mostly about only human cause im not sure if i'll continue with the ring but we'll see hahah#it's just im not really liking it so far#also i really need a beta reader lol but i also cant handle criticism so maybe not the best idea lol#but ahhh i need someone to tell me what's wrong with it😭#ramble gamble
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while i have complaints with the anime, indigo league + the orange islands is genuinely some of the funniest crap i’ve ever watched. i grew up only playing pokemon, so the first time i actually watched the anime was when i was 21. the first 2 seasons, espcially the famous 4kids dubbing is like if aliens came to earth, we gave them a quick summary of what pokemon was and they just went from there lol. half of it makes no damn sense to game canon and the crude 90s dubbing humour still brings a fucking tear to my eye. gary in particular was so beyond unserious the fact he was 10 and had a whole convertible full of grown women just hanging around him, driving him places and basically cheering him on as he bullied ash is the most unhinged shit ever LMAO
#i literally don’t and haven’t consumed the anime regularly for a couple years now and purely fuck with gamecanon + spe#so i literally completely forget that gary is BLUES counterpart LOL#gary was next level bro like not even blue was this much of a bastard HAHAHAH#god it still makes me laugh like mad#ramblings
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ཻ۪۪♡.
#i want to learn how to vent healthily#bc i have this incessant pathological need to like share every thought i have#and if i dont i get this restless uneasy feeling in my chest and i get restless and worried and like wtf?#whats wrong w me? maybe it has smth to do w that during my entire life i have never been listened to or been helped#like during my life i've asked for help repeatedly but when i have i've only been dismissed or not believed etc etc#so maybe that translated into my head to just feel the need to share it in a public space.....#bc i used to write rverything in a diary but i filled them too quickly and i cant afford the money or space to do that#so i started using twitter and now tumblr... but that has only resulted in me like feeding into it?#it's not healthy to feel the need to share EVERY thought or else u feel crazy. i also shouldnt focus or dwell on thoughts sm#i do have issues bc of my disorders and anxiety. plus avpd in swedish is literally called 'anxious personality disorder' 💀#so it is in me to be anxious and worried and neurotic#but still i want to learn how to not be fixated on thoughts and feelings (also a challenge bc bpd makes feelings feel all consuming)#if i think smth - that also can be totally untrue and only based on my worries -#i can just think it and let it go. idk have to dwell on it and obsess over it. (im trying mindfulness for years lol)#bc most of my venting is like me getting stuck in feelings and idk why i feel the need to express it constantly?#it isnt worth it. bc actually it has caused rifts and missunderstandings in multiple connections i've had online...#i do feel like venting isnt smth bad.. and i think emotions are PERSONAL and like completely unrelated to truth and other ppl#but i get it.. esp when u only know eo online and dont know everything going on in eo's heads#then u only get that as a full image when it isnt the whole picture#so like idk. i WANT to be able to get a healthier outlook on it.. bc this isnt working#both bc of myself and for myself but also in relation to others#and like. why do i like never see anyone else on thmblr/twitter that post EVERY thought like me???? (i dont think its wrong to do bc *i*#have a different pov on it and idc abt other ppl's vents but .. yeah idk why do i do this but no one else does it at the level i do?#so idk i've just been thinking of this lately bc yeah.. yeah i just dont know i dont know.... :///#i actually want to be able to not ruminate and get stuck in it but idk how to break free?#plus expressing positive emotions & thoughts is terrifying to me like idk why but i cant????#why??? i feel like im undeserving of good things that i cant even express smth nice bc im like .. i dont deserve to think/feel that??
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i think that unless you're talking about stuff that's like purposely and maliciously created with the goal of endangering people (e.g. nazi propaganda or cult recruiting etc) you should probably retire the term "irredeemable media". like i don't think this cartoon meant for children or niche webcomic or barely known indie game are as dangerous as you think they are
#even if they do end up harming people somehow. literally any media has that potential if the wrong ppl consume it bestie#it's not a question of media it's a question of literacy#(i say 'wrong people' but like. it's not a person thing. again it's literacy. it's about effort and thought put into it)#my point is. once you start marking every random thing that may contain problematic elements as irredeemable -#- you will never finish. bc that's literally everything in the world.#is this piece of media actually this problematic or do you just dislike it? be honest.#could it be that perhaps you refuse to engage with the text beyond surface level bc it contains a few slurs so you can't see its merits?#(don't get me wrong. it's completely valid to avoid things like that. but as soon as you start condemning fans and creators of the thing -#- that's where you should draw the line. especially ESPECIALLY when talking abt small or indie creations. tho not only)#i have a lot of thoughts on the matter but the tags aren't the place and now isn't the best time for that lol#ik this is a bit controversial tho so like every time i post smth like that. don't fight me or send me hate over this. just block me 🫡
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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I really need to get serious about personal projects again
#I think I said something like this last year too lol#currently in a weird headspace about it#the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom#(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom#and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason#it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully#I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff#but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol#it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people#and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom#which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do#im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air#so I really can’t afford to dawdle#there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have#but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself#I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !#blahblahbills#delete later
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#the problem with writing an old mond fic that I'm trying to explore Topics with is#it has dwelved from 'I want to write about why Amos stuck with Deca for so long and the messed up love between them'#to. oh boy. googling the life of the last emperor of china of which I am morbidly facinated with.#(terrible spineless self centered coward of a guy. treated as god since age 4)#(but also general chinese emperors and royalty who all really sucked and basing deca and amos both on a lot of that)#to general little morality things bc. its a story of how amos was complicit/supportive of terrible things under deca but still joined rebel#to. reading about the causes of revolutions???? and writing that into old mond's inherit instability and why nb's revolution worked#into now. attitudes on the ethics meat consumption of bc amos is a hunter who grew up outside of old mond and its culture#and forced into old mond's culture (<- my backstory for her)#which also has implications of Amos having to struggle to reconcile her heritage culture with the one she has to live in now#........and though it I keep forgetting that the initial thing I wanted to explore is deca/amos Problematic(tm) love#which means the plot is now a dredged down mess I'll have to fix in a second draft#......uh for anyone who thinks this sounds interesting. no promises on it actually getting finished or being good#this has spirled way out of control from its initial inception#but ya know all art has a political slant to it and boy nothing says political like 'story about revolution' so we'll see how this all goes#(this is also why I don't write fic or stories often lol I take its ideas too seriously and it completely consumes me until I finish it)#personal //
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felt anxious about starting my job in september but I just had to remind myself that absolutely nothing could be worse than the job I had at that bookstore 🙏
#left me alone after I'd only been there for 1 hour and hadn't learned anything yet#had to answer lots of phone calls#everyone coming in there wanted to have a long conversation and not just buy books#having to do maths to figure out how much change to give the consumers#on my first day where I was completely alone the key got stuck and I couldn't open the fucking door when I was supposed to open#and struggled with the door for a full 15 minutes. luckily no costumers were there yet but I was ready to die.#etc etc#and I was only there for a few weeks lol#OH AND ofc the classic. me asking my boss when I can/should work again and her just never responding :) so I haven't worked since#I still have the key to that place...#doddie redet
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brain shut up about wanting to overdose despite litcherally not having anything in my control that i COULD fatally overdose on challnege: impossible
#i am So Tired Of This#i want to take out my brain and beat it with a stick#lol my psych asking re:methods yesterday confirmed same methods are in my mind but completely forgot about the two (2) other methods#that have been consuming my brain. both of which i do not have access to#realistically i don't have access to any methods that would actually kill me atp except for possible complications which are unlikely and#far more likely to cause permanent health effects so no thanks#personal#tw suicide#i mean sure i could freak myself up right good but also nope not doing that#idk im tired
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Less than 1000 pages left of the series now :)
#twist rambles#vc posting#i will be honest that consuming smth w good writing has made me feel like the joker reading this bc its so bad#like wowwww flavius is the only disabled vampire bc she has “fixed” 4 characters disabilities 😑 im so fed upppp#like got isn't perfect but w this it is a lot better lol#update sorry she completely cured flavius too. ofc his prosthetic looks like his old leg and works perfectly. killing her
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hi im going to leave chicago in a few hours. i don’t want to come home
#purrs#chicago#this trip has been so. SO healing for me. indescribably. and im terrified to lose it when i come back to my home environments and spend#every day going back and forth between home and campus. i know now that i need to do independent things and i#CAN do independent things and i always could. what i don’t know how to do is take that knowledge and apply it to my life at home such that#end up moving out and living by myself asap LOLLLLLL#i have spent so much time wandering. wandered to the art insitute of chicago. wandered on all levels and sides of the riverwalk. wandered#onto the navy pier by COMPLETE accident and it was the first pier ive been on since br!ghton and they had carnival rides and everything and#it started to heal a part of me that was still broken. i don’t know how i can go home now when there’s so much still to explore. i am#terrified to lose this. i haven’t been consumed by depression or anxiety for like 4 days and it has been the biggest hugest breath of fresh#air and i just am so scared to go back to suffocating with no escape in sight until my next conference in june LOL#* i wandered by myself btw. completely alone and only sometimes surrounded by people. and it was so important for me#also like… this was my first time EVER walking in a city all by myself and riding in ubers etc etc. i was so scared remember? but now i am#confident and strong. after 4 days. and i know going home is going to drain me but nothing can ever take this experience away from me.#i can do it. i COULD do it all along. and i will do it again.
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sighs,,, i wanna go back to my roots and draw fanart of fanfic but alas inspo is not being kind to me
#shut up danni's talking#this is not to say that i don't have immense brain rot for fics like i used to bc i absolutely do arguably more so#just that paragraphs don't stand out to me as smth i need to draw like they used to#my brain just goes head empty only adoration when i consume good fanfic#the only exception to this so far is me drawing stuff from my own fic but that's not the same lol#i have this idk dream/goal of drawing at least one pic of every fanfic i consider my ultimate favourites#but then i think abt how many that actually is i get intimidated and completely lacking inspo rip#sighs
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