#it’s been so long and i mean it’s so insignificant but also it’s so fun i legit forgot how it feels when it’s just dumb and fun ahshdhdhd

[hanjlsung-archive]

hi beloveds!! hope everyone’s been well! as always have a lil kiss and hug (((hugs tightly))) <3

[rev-dreamscape]

LOVE stands for Level Of Violence.

This is an introductory comic to my AU, dubbed Mornverse. It's an AU that I've been working on for about 2-ish years- It's gone through a LOT of rewrites but now, I think I'm starting to get to a point where I actually like what I'm doing for this AU! Mornverse is a study on the relationship between a Creator and their Creations, and my own interpretation of UTMV, of course-- due to that. This AU is very personal to me.

Solstice, what I nicknamed Ink in this AU is more like a maintenance repairman instead of a protector or a muse. He works in what I call- The Interspace, a site that hosts The Creator's works; The Internet as a realm, basically.

He serves The Creators, maintaining The Interspace and making sure it runs smoothly so The Creators would be able to post Their works and affect The Multiverse.

Or so he thinks.

"The Creators" he serves are only representations of a larger community, like everyone he knows. They, too are characters.

In truth, he only serves one Creator. Me.

I control everything and I want him to suffer.

But enough about me! Let's talk more on Solstice. They don't believe in free will, his determinism is a core part of their character. If you are subjected to a cruel end, you have to suck it up and accept it.

You have no choice in that matter, after all.

(But the illusion of free will is too good to pass up. It's why he works in The Interspace, it's disconnected from the rest of The Multiverse. In here, he can feel like he does have a choice when he knows he doesn't.) Solstice also is afraid of getting attached because of this. He knows that it will be used against him for angst. So better take precautions against that, right? (You're already suffering, Solstice. You overwork yourself to the point of passing out regularly so you don't have to think about your reality and just work. It's easier like that, right? But you're still suffering.) Solstice doesn't remember their past of being abandoned but knows of it through working in The Interspace, it gives them a glimpse into The Internet and therefore other interpretations of them and other works.

It contributes to his determinism and his fear of The Creators but at the same time, he can't fault them for using art as a means of expression. He can't fault them for being happy, for having fun. He does want you to keep doing what you love but he's conflicted.

He's just a character, an interpretation of one and so he lives to service You and Me. He just can't shake off the fear of being hurt. He kind of hates himself for it. Nothing he does ever truly matters. Even the work he does is entirely pointless. His feelings don't really matter at all.

Solstice was once cheerful, energetic, care-free but he isn't now. They feel somewhat like an imposter for it, seeing different interpretations of themselves and the original- seeing how he's so different. It makes them feel inadequate and insignificant in a way. A feeling that he tries to ignore.

Solstice is still soulless, tearing their soul apart in their AU but appearing in The Interspace instead. He immediately gets hired by The Multiverse (Laniakea, which is absolutely a representation of Me.) who communicates solely by emojis or pictures for no other reason than to make Solstice's life harder by making them constantly guess what it means.

Although, when their soul was torn apart. A single shard survived.

But that's a story for another day, this post is already long.

Also, Asks are greatly appreciated! I am open to clarifying things and rambling more about this AU :D Though I am very prone to retconning, redesigning and rewriting things so please be patient with me.

Also Also-- please just (@) tag me if you ever make fanart or other kinds of media, I would love to see it!

I'm open to being DMed if that's what you prefer as well!

I may not respond quickly though, just a heads up.

[shurup-overt]

don't ever let go of what's beloved

these bastards made me cry! THRICE!!

@mari-lair I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart, also this will be LONG. I'm sorry skdjkls

SPOILERS UP TO CH27 BELOW

(not super detailed but still can ruin the experience)

I'VE FINALLY read ycit after half a year of putting it off it just because I "didn't like the idea of akane being dead&doomed" skslsks I was wayy too superstitious. anyway I'm glad I stopped being stubborn

IT WAS HELL OF A RIDE (positive) and I finished it (27 chapters at that moment) looking like nene in ch107

I'm not even joking

where do I even begin.

the amount of research and thought and love poured into the fic is INSANE. it's always so nice to feel the author's passion through the work and this one overflows with it.

am I being too sappy? I dunno, I speak what's on my mind lol!!

as I said, it's noticeable that it's written with so so much love to the characters and this love is INFECTIOUS!! I didn't know I'd get attached to aka, so fast too. it's like my thought process was almost the same as teru's all the way through chapters 0-20 lmaoo

a small digression from the main topic - the thing is, what I wait for the most in tbhk is a flashback about terukane's first meeting & how the glasses were made. ofc there's always a possibility they were made by teru just for fun and as a way to make akane owe him (although this might be ooc) but the possibility of it is thankfully really really small because teru looks at them and handles the topic very gently. too gently for it to be just a forced prank. also akane has been keeping them with him on his bead near his head while sleeping (not even the bedside table or smth! who the hell keeps their glasses with them on the bed at night?? <- comes from a glasses person)

so, especially because of teru's wording ("he said he wanted to live his life like he used to"), I've been STRESSING over the possibility of akane BEGGING teru for help there, like what if he was struggling with switching forms at first and hence wasn't seen by students? what if the clock keepers didn't explain him almost anything about the supernatural world and so he was scared and confused? what if teru cornered him there and he had to prove he's human? (by the warmth of a touch?) what if he cried? what if teru comforted him? (or tried to lol) what if there were more struggles??

and so I was soo glad to see this topic being expanded!! I know it's an au and all (and the contract's gone worse here) but what I mean is, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about it!! reading akane's backstory was Painful As Heck but really Good.

my godd I wish the boy had some comfort. I can't look at ycit akane because I start tearing up immediately.

"I hope akane managed to use the bill" "I hope the seals helped at least a bit" I HOPE SO TOO. JESUS. THE POOR BOY WAS LEFT ALL ALONE WITH A TERRIFYING KNOWLEDGE AND THE TWO DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE TO EACH OTHER PROPERLY

and his backstory hasn't even been fully revealed yet. I feel like I'll die when that time comes. shaking

alright I don't wanna whine here too much now moving on-

this idiot. /affectionate

the attention to the smallest details!!!!

the amount of canon things implemented?? HELLO? I mean it's natural to expect a canon character act according to canon but it's the first time (I think??) I've noticed SO MUCH small facts THOUGHT THROUGH and carefully weaven into the fic to fit the narrative perfectly. sometimes they're really small and almost insignificant but it's like finding easter eggs!!! it fills me with so much joy to feel the love to the kids through the writing (I repeat it again ahahaha). teru's complicated (VERY MUCH SO) feelings towards his father, akane liking raspberry sweets, akane (and aka) liking when pride of a certain someone ( ^^ ) shatters in front of them and their facade falls, teru itching to jump headfirst into research as soon as there's a reason to mess with exorcist tools and invent something (oh I so adore this in canon I can probably ramble about this a lot), teru being eager to play in the snow, teru covering his face when he cries!!!! and that's just the things I remember right now THERE WAS A LOT MORE

it all makes me point at the screen with an "AH!!" expression and think "YES THAT'S MY BOY/GIRL!!"

YAKO AND TSUCHIGOMORI TOO!! I was so glad to see yako being involved so much and her character handled perfectly with all her traits and quirks and sillyness /affectionate hehe I love her so much and although tsuchigomori hasn't showed up as much, reading the scenes with him was a delight as well

also when I said about the passion, I meant not only the love to the fic's main cast, but also the passion to analyze the og medium itself as a whole. (am I making sense? I don't want to sound too creepy) explaining myself: take aka: his character, his quirks, his abilities, his drama, worries and experiences - for it all to be as deep and believable ( = excellent) as it is, it was necessary to take all the smallest bits about ghosts' and supernaturals' mindset we have in canon, be it hanako or sousuke or mitsuba etc, analyze it, and make aka one of their kind but still very much unique and closer to akane than to them, even though he doesn't remember being him. even if you didn't do what I said entirely on purpose, I'm just amazed by how aka is written. it's awesome

squeezes him.

thank you for being the extremely stubborn "leech" you are. mwah

aidairo sadly have given us very little info about exorcism and supernaturals in general (I'm biting the table as we speak) and the way you still took the crumbs, thought them through, added bits here and there, and made it all work perfectly is just amazing. I was overjoyed to read about mimics, other kinds of supernaturals, how spiritual energy feels, how touching a ghost feels in detail, weakening seals, blood pacts, boundaries, etc etc. it's like it's all canon, it doesn't make the reader question it whatsoever, so well-made. I'm clapping.

the description says you've never written a teru pov before and I'd say you nailed it from the very beginning!! you understand his mindset so deeply, reading your works is the best experience. the picky bitch in my ear never goes "he would not say that" and instead is just as amazed as I am

the first chapters before the bonding are HEAVY as heck. they're extremely hard to binge read but I mean this as a good thing. they're extremely painful by just how realistically they are written, so good you can't help but sync with teru and feel the same emotions as he does. And his life is SHIT at that moment so I was SUFFERING with him both the first and the second going through the chapters :'D again though, it's not bad, it's the opposite - it makes the happy moments thrice as good and the overall bonding brings A LOT of warmth. I feel like it healed me in a way after punching me in the stomach 10 chapters in a row

also I love it so much just how much the fic focuses on teru's everyday life before the manga's main plot. I mean, well yeah, it's a 14-15yo teru pov, but still. so detailed, filled me with warmth.

*slaps roof of ycit* this bad boy can fit SO MANY fun ideas and good concepts in it

seriously, the range is insane. a questionnaire, a quarrel (multiple), siblings talk, beach episode, dancing, hugging, both crying, possession?? hello?? BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! summer festival, sleeping on the other, fighting for the other, fighting together, even working in food service together (aka the thing I'd expect out of a trkn fic the least lol). the list goes on. and despite how bizarre and random it sounds out of context, nothing from it feels like a filler, everything fits into the plot perfectly. I have no words mari how are you doing that

ever since I've read the bloodpact chapter, I was worried about how encounters with mimics will go from now on because now aka can go anywhere and, how it was stated before, aka's and a mimic's energy feel the same… the boys will need to come up with a strategy of some sort (which is tricky if mimics learn from the memories) ourghh makes my head hurt! but in a good way. or will mimics struggle picking a target between aka and teru now? what if they're weaker when faced by multiple opponents because of that? that would be fortunate. anyway! mimics leap at the target eventually, so that eases the task. and whether the boys encounter them or not, they will have each other's backs, and it warms my heart.

I've wanderend off the main topic again, oops. as you see, the fic made me think of all sorts of things lol and it's an incredibly good sign.

what if teru did take a picture of the swing set in ch13…..... ourghh I don't even know if it'd be better or worse...... it's over now though, so I'm glad either way

and ch27 has destroyed and rebuilt me several times I think .

I drew this before ch28 but then it came out and oh boy. I don't even know what to say. Good for them. so proud of them

I HAD SEVERAL SONGS FOR THIS but I don't want to make this too overwhelming so I've tried to pick the faves among faves (still kind of failed so . no pressure)

Bullet by Saint Motel (lyrics) for teruaka

The Song with Five Names a.k.a. Soapbox Tao a.k.a. Checkmate Atheists! a.k.a. Neospace Government (A.K.A. You Can Never Know) by Will Wood and the Tapeworms (lyrics) for aka - this one may be too extreme. it kinda clicked for me but I might be delusional

quiet room by ewe (has eng subtitles) for teruaka - makes me feel things similar to the ones 'therefore you and me' does

Yakusoku no Overture by Toki Shunichi (akane's VA hehe) - I haven't found a full version of this arrangement on youtube but it should be on spotify? or other streaming platforms I'm pretty sure? sadly, I've only found a russian translation (as unusual as it is lol) so I've tried to adapt it in english here, hope it looks right!

I might be delusional here sdslkds but what's certain is that I enjoyed the fic all the way from the start. thank you for creating this, truly

p.s.: please let me know if I made you in any way uncomfortable. I myself didn't expect to write so much; I only wanted to express my gratitude but this might be overwhelming. (I'm a very anxious person so I felt like I needed to say this sdskldj) you aren't obliged to respond in any way and this isn't me asking you to continue working on the fic. just saying thank you for the things you've made

that's it! wishing you a great day :)

[liyaauhr]

I think one of the beautiful aspects of the SBG friendship is the fact that it was formed (as far as we know) purely by chance. If it weren’t for Aiden forcing his way into Ashlyn’s house and practically weaselling her way into his life, convincing her to go on the Savannah trip with the rest of the group resulting in them getting sucked into the phantom world and spending days together, then all of their lives would have been unchanged. And tbh, when you observe at all their home lives and attitudes before Savannah, I don’t think that would have necessarily been a good thing for all of them.

And it’s funny to think about how they would’ve continued their lives just walking past each other in the hallways on the way to class.

Red actually confirmed this herself:

Ashlyn would have assumably continued her life without friends, which in a lot of cases can be extremely isolating and don’t work out in the long term. It’s a hard mindset to break out of and would have made it harder for her to understand others.

The term ‘loners’ applies to all of them because no matter the social status, they were all alone.

Logan was a victim of bullying, cornered by people and having his kindness taken advantage of to the point where he felt worthless with insignificant contributions. If it weren’t for his friends, he would’ve never stood up for both himself and his bullies’ next victim and just look at how much of a badass he’s grown to be! They gave him confidence and a purpose, he knows his role in the group and helps Ashlyn with strategising, he’s got friends now and he’s not so lonely anymore.

Taylor and Tyler Hernandez are pretty implicitly stated as popular, you can see it in panels where they’re constantly surrounded by a large group of people, not to mention Tyler being a jock. But being surrounded by people doesn’t necessarily make you less lonely, the two have only ever had each other in their lives. Tyler was never able to have fun because he was too busy caring for his mother and sister while still trying to get a sports scholarship for university and Taylor watched as her twin began to load too many weights onto himself. After the Sorrel Weed house, Tyler and Taylor began to open up and have fun, for once they were both finally able to have people to rely on since the death of their parents.

Aiden had been travelling around and meeting people who he knew wouldn’t stay in the end, how could they when not even his own parents could? I think it’s pretty implied that Aiden’s parents were pretty neglectful and emotionally unavailable, being described as away on business trips and unaware of his low point in life. He also couldn’t make friends that would last because they moved so often (which I can only imagine how lonely that could be). It’s also pretty implied that Aiden’s untethered a major adrenaline seeker, reckless and uncaring of the danger he puts himself in.

Yet once he saw Ashlyn upset over his death, he had finally found a motivation to live again and with his friends, days aren’t suddenly spent alone anymore.

It was also by chance that Ben Clark ended up moving in with Aiden’s family and due to messed up reasons at that. His dreams of singing were forcibly taken from him leaving him with unmanaged anger and building resentment, his situation was so traumatising to the where he went mute. Losing the one thing you love and are good at is a visceral pain, something he’s been holding in for years.

Then he meets Aiden, he trusts him and follows him around and sort of became comfort blankets for eachother.

So funnily enough, I think you can credit Aiden for being the reason they’ve all met now.

By pure coincidence, Ashlyn got placed next to Aiden. By pure coincidence, they ended up on the same bus. Now, they’re all roped into a phantom realm together but at least they have each other and I think there’s something really beautiful about that because without even meaning to, they’ve made such a huge impact on eachother’s lives.

Without the phantom realm, they would have had normal lives unharmed but would they have been fulfilled?

(Can you tell I’m a sucker for the found family trope?)

[havenesc]

hello HELLO!! I am OBSESSED over your rancher AU,, you have such a big brain!! If youre in the mood to yap about it, i am sooo interested in hearing more!!

WOAH HI!!! thank you so so much, that means quite a bit!! I love this AU and it has been quite a joy to work on when I'm stuck in my office job or away from my own horses so :') Always happy to indulge and yap and this........ is a very long yap LOL.

I am writing a frankly ridiculously long fic about it, but this whole shit really started with ""i like jason and i like horses and i keep listening to lord huron's way out there on repeat." so here we are. rotting it out. <3 <3

I think physically removing Jason from Gotham, or from any major metropolitan area containing capes, is a really interesting idea. He lives and breathes and is born from this city. (Where's that one post calling it his wire mother?) Jason is so deeply interconnected in the machinations of the city and how she operates that by removing him, by forcing him into a situation where he cannot go back for the time being and instead has to live among people he perceives as "regular," he gets to breathe outside of the walls that Gotham and Bruce have defined for him. He gets to explore who he could be, really, beneath the masks and the death and the failed legacy of a kid who just wanted to be magic, who isn't living with his mental/emotional triggers sitting on his bedside table like a loaded gun. For once, even under a fake name, Jason Todd gets to be something other than a tombstone or the face of a tightly-run crime syndicate. Jason doesn't even bring that dying shit up all the time, but everyone else seems to hold it against him. (Probably due to rationalizing all the murder.)

He's like a shelter dog following the 3 Rules of Decompression. This guy gets a horse and gets some friends who don't really know what to make of him at first but he's a hard worker and a fast learner and he wants to work as a team, no matter how prickly and weird he is at first.

Additionally, I think it's also fun to explore what his absence does to Gotham, and how the city would react to not having an enforcer. The Batman and his brood exists, obviously, but there is an ecosystem that Red Hood understands intricately in a way that the Batman cannot and will not. He has the uniqueness of being one of the only Robins to both live poor as fuck and also experience it from Bruce's perspective -- the only other one really being Stephanie -- and he knows how to weaponize this for max efficiency. Red Hood is the wolf introduced to keep the deer population down. How does the crime scene change, how do the Bats have to navigate adapting to that radical change? When it breaks that the Red Hood is out of business, who takes charge? And at what point do you look at yourself in the mirror, say, "Yeah I fucked this one up, bring that guy back?" And what the hell do you do when you find out you can't?

Anyways! I love thinking about how vital Jason is to the Gotham Social Fauna. I also love thinking about how his blue roan gelding, Blue, is a descendant of Doc Bar. I love thinking about the plates in McLaren's tibia because he got nailed by a bull in the exact perfect spot for the damn bone to split in half. I love thinking about Jason experiencing nature, and Glacier Park, and for once in his life feeling so small and insignificant in the world that his problems actually feel the distance they are from him. I love thinking about him finding the connections with people who have always been receptive to him in some way, even when he's a bristling scared snarling dog, because even if Jason Peter Todd is convinced that he is unlovable and irredeemable, nobody else knows that shit. So you might as well put your foot in the stirrup and come along because we need you and your resilience and your strength and your laughter and your good-heartedness to get through another twelve hours in the saddle together.

Also, these two songs in order on my fucking jason rancher au playlist are very jason and dick coded and listening to them makes me want to lay on the floor and stare at my ceiling for about three hours. Actually this whole thing is a love letter to lord huron.

[catbowserauthor]

2003 Mikey Diagnosis

Thanks @brightlotusmoon for this request! It was fun

This one is fun. Because the writers really didn't like to give Mikey deep moments (which is one of my issues with 2003 TMNT, as much as I love it), we don't have nearly as much to work with as Leo. But I think we have uncovered something interesting—

So, in regards to trauma, I don't think its as straightforward. For the PTSD diagnosis, Mikey certainly meets the section A criteria--exposed to a traumatic event, family exposed to a traumatic event, etc. His whole family has this in spades.

He also meets criteria C as he will do anything BUT think about the traumatic events. And some of the behaviors in Criteria D are better explained by his ADHD

But Criteria B and the clinically impactful section he tends to fail on. Now, part of this is writing because, like I said, the writers really don't like to get too introspective with Mikey but I think there's another potential explanation.

While Mikey is an eternal optimist, as a therapist I would absolutely question his “no emotional reaction to trauma—and loads of it” and I’ll tell you why:

Trauma masking.

This a coping mechanism where someone throws themselves 110% into whatever role they are used to playing/expected to play. It might seem to outsiders that no trauma happened at all. It usually occurs in people who are insecure or who constantly put everyone else first (like our favorite nunchaku user) as they don't want attention put on them which could be directed toward others.

Mikey, judging by his actions in the series as a whole, is not nearly as confident as puts out. In fact, I’d suspect his self-esteem is very low. All his bragging, all his bravado, are very common for people who don't think high of themselves and are pleading for some kind of validation from others.

But directly asking feels wrong. So, they don't.

They don't want to be an inconvenience. As much as Mikey longs for attention, it has to be for the right reason. He reads the room exceptionally well and with so much energy being spent trying to help his oldest brother, Mikey would not want one iota spent on him before Leo is back to normal. He regularly plays the emotional sacrificial goat so this likely would feel like “here we go again, family first.”

Mikey understands the stress his brothers are under. He also understands that Leo has gone through more than the rest of them but still chose to try and lead the best he could until he literally couldn't anymore. He plays the compare game A LOT so in his mind, what he went through is insignificant next to Leo’s.

Ergo, Leo needs the healing more than me. My other brothers don't need to be worried about me too. I can't put more on Father’s plate.

Mikey is the master of “play your role.” Because he's seen it make his family relax, smile and bring back some sense of normalcy. THAT is what he feels he can do.

Mikey, fairly frequently, makes himself the butt of the joke, the clown, the one who wants to be noticed. If he's been called mindless, immature, etc then that's the role he will play because it gets him a sample of that validation he wants. Its not exactly what h wants but by thus point, he's accepted that us the closest he’ll get.

He doesn't want to break that, even if internally, he has been suppressing all these emotions of fear, sadness, from the frustration. The problem is though...as th trauma builds, the usual means of coping will eventually collapse, most likely to Mikey’s detriment.

So, what does this mean for therapy?

Well, it means I couldn't do a PTSD diagnosis as he is not currently presenting with all the symptoms. But, as I suspect an underlying set of symptoms that are not being expressed, I would likely do this:

Unspecified trauma and stressor-related disorder, R/O PTSD

R/O for those who don't know, means “rule out.”

We would need to meet with Mikey a few times. We'd do digging, build some rapport, and I suspect we'd find quite a bit about self-esteem, confidence and fears we would need to work on. Likely involving the rest of his family near the end.

FINAL DIAGNOSIS:

Unspecified trauma and stressor-related disorder, R/O PTSD, R/O Depressive Disorders

[enfys6773]

'No name' - April 8 - Wolfstar - word count: 720

Remus was sitting at their kitchen Island eating his toast. Out of their bedroom Remus could hear the excited bussing of Sirius as he was getting ready. Their plan was to go clubbing tonight or Dorcas' plan, really. Originally, Sirius had been a bit hesitant about the whole ordeal but Lily managed to convince him that it would be fun.

So, in hindsight Remus should have known it would not go down smothly. Because, although Sirius had agreed to the idea after a bit of gentle pestering from Lily, nothing with Sirius was ever not, at least a bit, complicated. So that was the reason Sirius was freeking out. "Moooonnnyyyy! I have absolutly nothing to wear! I cannot go out like this". Stepping out of their bedroom, Sirius gestured down his body, to make a point that his tight denim trousers and band tee were "not acceptable, Remus, really!", at least in Sirius' opinion.

"Pads, Come on. That is absolutly fine to wear. Why are you making such a fuss about this?", Remus asked looking up from the toast in front of him.

Averting his eyes, Sirius stayed silent. Remus took at the man standing there, a slight amound of anxiety noticable in his gaze for a few short moments before deciding that something wasn't quite right. He got the destinct feeling that something was off. Yeah, sure, Sirius beeing excited was nothing new. Quite the contrary actually. But that Sirius wouldn't be able to find a fitting outfit seemed a bit odd. Also, Remus couldn't figure out where the anxiousness in Sirius eyes belonged to, which worried him a bit. Normally, he was able to place the emotions in Sirius eyes immediately, so this had to be something different. Something, that was bothering Sirius.

Standing up he walked over to where Sirius was nervously jumping from one foot to the other. He tilted his head down a bit, so he could frown at Sirius, albeit with a bit of concern. "Sirius, love, what's wrong? You normally never have a problem picking out an outfit."

Sirius looked down at his feet avoiding eye contact, Remus let him because he knew that Sirius had problems with other people seeing him vulnerable, so he never forced him to look at him while talking about something difficult.

"I dont know what to wear", was Sirius whispered response.

"Yeah, I got that, love. Can you tell me why, though?"

"I'm just really nervous about the whole clubbing thing tonight", at that Sirius let out a tense laugh and pushed his hand through his hair, a nervous habit he ought to have picked up from James, Remus thought.

"Okay, Pads. Do you wanna sit down and explain? Or just cuddle for a bit? We still have some time before the others expect us at the Three Broomsticks." After receiving a nod from Sirius, Remus led them both to the couch and sat down waiting for Sirius to follow suit. He hesitated for a few more moments before he sank down right next to Remus.

"Just cuddles, though. I dont think I am ready to talk about it yet. Is that okay? I mean, I will probably tell you some day, I'll probably have to, but maybe not today?", Sirius asked settling in next to Remus. He was cuddled right at Remus' side and hid his face in the crook of Remus' neck.

"Of course, sweetheart. You dont have to tell me. I just dont want you to feel like this. I'm just trying to help. Anything you need."

And with that Remus brought his hand up to Sirius' hair to stroke it lightly and wrap his free arm around Sirius to pull him in closer around the waist. After some time, Sirius closed his eyes and just enjoyed to only exist in the crook of Remus neck, feeling his soothing fingers brush through his hair and relaxing for the first time since Dorcas mentioned the idea for all of them to go clubbing together.

They stayed like this for a long time, both boys forgetting the time or simply enjoying each others company so much, that everything else seemed insignificant.

Later Remus helped Sirius find an, for his standards, appropriate outfit to wear and they managed to get out of their flat without another hiccup.

[scekrex]

I shall greet you with a good morning/noon/afternoon/evening/night/midnight.I hope this pity request of mine shall be noticed or seen at once

I just wonder how about a angel reader that helps during the creation of Eden like when Adam was created Reader couldn't help but befriended with the poor lonely mortal every day and every moment he has and the creator likes seeing that his angel is accompanying his first mortal creation while he was making the soulmate of the insignificant mortal who keeps talking about different that is seen around the garden of Eden they even named animals but i must remind you that this time Adam was still a kind soul and Lucifer on the other hand was quite jealous on the mortal and angel(reader) interaction since he's been admiring reader for such a long time so timeskip when both of Adams spouses left him there is his only friend angel hugging him comforting him and ended up sleeping together

-i hope this wasn't much of a bother to you dear writer and be careful have a long life always take care of your health!who knows who your death might be anywhere near anyways i highly appreciate that this pity request of mine reached your attention so this is where I shall end my poetic request your fan:P

By sleeping together I assume you meant physically sleeping and not sex - if I misunderstood let me know. ALSO MOM WAKE UP I HAVE A FAN HOLY SHIT dzcuehcz

Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & angst

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

If you were to be asked how existence was before god had created Adam, you weren’t to respond with ‘boring’, because it never had been boring. But with Adam created, it was much more entertaining, that was for sure.

The creatures Adam had started to call ‘animals’ at some point had been cute and entertaining, they had been fun to observe and figure out, the ones with fur were so soft to pet. And yet the human that lived in Eden was far more interesting - how could he not be? Adam, as he had been named, was a kind one. And you were proud to say that you had been the first of the angels to interact with him. You visited the human every day, spent the time with him when God’s tasks ran out - after the first time meeting Adam that had happened a lot. Father had made it clear that he liked the bond that slowly formed between the both of you. Yes, Lucifer was his favorite but that didn’t mean he hated all his other children, he even encouraged you to interact with the creative human he had created, to support him and keep him company.

Adam was quite the sight, he was not only very handsome, he was also a charmer. The brunette human was attentive, he was quick to notice and compliment even the smallest changes of your appearance. You had put in some extra effort to clean your feathered wings? The first man was there to tell you how glorious your wings were looking. Your hair was looking a little messier than usual? Adam would make sure you were doing okay and that your messy hair didn’t mean you were stressed. God had created Adam after his very own image and it showed, the man was the definition of kindness and pureness and you adored him for that.

The sun was shining down on you, providing comfortable warmth for you, the human and all of God’s other creations. Lucifer’s curious eyes were observing your interaction with the human from a nearby tree. You were laying in the grass, Adam’s head was resting on your chest and he was as relaxed as he could be when he pointed to a little creature with beautiful wings that landed on your nose, “Look Y/N, a butterfly.” You chuckled softly at his casual way of naming the new found creature that would now be called butterfly. “Its wings look almost as beautiful as yours,” the brunette added with a soft hum and watched as the newly named creation flew away. One of mentioned wings came up to caress his cheek, the softness of your feathers against his skin made Adam close his eyes in comfort. “You’re such a charmer, Adam,” you offered the first and so far only human your warmest smile. The tall brunette hummed, “I am just stating how things are, it only makes sense for God’s children to look beautiful.” Your hand gently pushed some of his thick brown hair out of his face, “Is that the reason for your divine looks?”

Adam opened his eyes to look at you, his brown eyes provided just as much warmth as the sun, that you were sure about. Because whenever the first man looked at you, you couldn’t help but feel adored and appreciated and those feelings made your body feel warm and fuzzy.

Lucifer didn’t like the closeness the both of you shared, he didn’t understand why you took such a liking to the first human at all. He was a mortal, a thing created to fill the place God had created, he was just one out of many creations and he surely wouldn’t remain the only of his kind for very long, Father had made plans to create a partner for Adam after all. Why couldn't it be Lucifer resting on your chest as you enjoyed the beauty Father had created? Why Adam?

Lucifer would never understand what the brunette had to offer that he hadn’t. There was a reason why he was Father’s favorite after all. And yet you were petting Adam’s hair and not Lucifer’s. Yet you rather spent your days roaming around Eden with the first human instead of spending your days behind heaven’s holy gates with Lucifer. It bothered the angel, it bothered him very much.

When the sun set and night rolled around, Lucifer took off and went back to heaven, you however stayed in Eden with Adam. “You see the little sparkles surrounded by darkness? Those are stars,” Adam mumbled, his eyes were falling shut again and again and yet the mortal refused to go to sleep. Why sleep when he could enjoy your company a little longer? “Yeah,” you hummend, “Why so?” The brunette shrugged, “It feels right to call them that, they glow even though darkness surrounds them constantly, they bring dimension to the dark night sky and yet they don’t shine bright enough to hurt your eyes, they feel comfortable just like the word ‘star’ does.” And that made sense, you guessed. Father had given Adam the task to name things and the first human was doing a great job so far. “You are a star too, Y/N,” he then added and you looked at him, his head still resting on your chest. Your wings came up to wrap around the human, providing warmth the sun couldn’t since it had set a while ago. “Because I shine in the dark?” You were referring to the white feathers of your wings that looked like they were glowing in the dark just like the stars were. Adam though shook his head, ��No, because you feel comfortable.”

Adam didn’t remain alone for very long and while that caused your visits to reduce since he now had proper company, it didn’t shrink the bond you two had built, you remained just as close as before. But with more time that you spent in heaven, the more you realized Lucifer’s odd behavior towards you and the grudge he seemed to hold against Adam for no reason at all. “I simply do not like you spending so much time around the human, “ the blonde angel spoke, his words were sour and his body language only underlined the honesty of his spoken words. “He was not created for our entertainment.” You however simply shook your head lightly, “Father said he appreciates me spending time with Adam, he thinks it’s a good influence and while Lilith was made from him for him, Father sees no problem in me continuing my visits, he even encourages them. I understand that you are worried, Lucifer,” you rested your hand gently on his shoulder, “But Adam and I get along really well.”

-

But oh how things took a bad turn, no one had expected Lilith to turn down Adam and seek comfort in Lucifer and neither did anyone expect Eve to eat the apple and leave Adam just like Lilith had done before.

As soon as you heard the news you made your way down to Eden to look for the brunette first human. You found him near a lake, your lake to be exact, Adam had named that one lake after you because it was the place you and him spent most of your nights. It was surrounded by trees and yet it offered a perfectly clear view of the sky. A family of ducks lived near that lake and given that those ducks had feathers that reminded him of your wings - one of them was a purely white duck - he had named this spot after you. So it was obvious he would seek comfort at your spot. “Adam,” your soft voice made him look up, you stood next to where he was sitting, tears were standing in his eyes and his cheeks were red - so were his puffy eyes. You sat down next to the lonely human, carefully lifted him in your lap and pulled him in a tight hug, your wings wrapped around the human's body in comfort. Adam clearly needed some comfort. “I heard, I’m so sorry.” The human remained silent, he hadn’t had the strength to talk about what had happened and you understood, it must be very hard to lose the one that had been created for him and only him twice in a row. “I will stay for as long as you need me,” you whispered as you gently patted his back on slow motions. The poor soul was hurt so badly that you were able to feel the damage that had been caused by both of his women turning against him. “For the night?” he asked with a broken voice as tears leaked from his eyes, you nodded. “For the night, “ you assured him, “And for the following day as well, if you wish so.” His fingers dug into your robe, he held onto you as if he was afraid to lose you too and given the situation you understood.

The first man must have been quite exhausted from all the crying he had done because it didn’t take the brunette very long to fall asleep in your arms, and you stayed. You stayed at Eden for an entire week, and you only left after that week because Father had asked to speak with you. Adam was left with your promise to come back and that promise you fulfilled when you returned to him only a few hours later. From then on the human refused to let you leave for very long, he was too afraid you would turn against him as well, but how could you when he was the most perfect thing Father had ever created? No. You would keep him from more damage, guide his soul until he was ready to join you in heaven. And with Fathers blessing, that was your task for the following years.

[moonstandardtime]

i've been using tiktok a lot the past few months, since my irls use it and i'm bored. here are some things ive noticed

(disclaimer: this is influenced by the tiktok algorithm, obviously. it is also influenced by who i follow on tumblr. i personally don't post on tiktok, but aside from that i use the two platforms pretty similarly and interact with the same type of content.)

(another disclaimer: this is entirely for fun and to provide a new perspective. be nice.)

under cut because it got really long loll. enjoy

tumblr users get REALLY mean, judgy, and holier-than-thou about tiktok. tiktok users, on the rare occasions tumblr is brought up, speak pretty positively (though secretively) about it. saw a tiktok that mentioned tumblr and the top comment was about shoelaces, and the creator replied saying they don't know what that means.

tiktok users aren't stupid or lesser than you. stop "not like other girls"-ing social media.

omegaverse comes up with about the same frequency on both platforms. i do interact with tiktoks about fanfiction, so that's probably why omegaverse shows up on my fyp in the first place, but i don't interact much if at all with tiktoks about omegaverse. yet they still show up.

fanfiction culture on tiktok is a little strange. they mostly make funny videos about accidentally skimming over the mpreg tag and getting jumpscared, and other relatable jokes.

the fanart on tumblr is better because it's easier to find and interact with.

tiktok loves edits. and the edits are SO GOOD. guys oh my god

tiktok also loves tweening, 2015 animation memes style. animation memes seem to be coming back i think?

on social issues, tiktok users seem generally much more optimistic than tumblr users. possibly because of the more potent sense of community caused by the "speaking directly at the camera" format as opposed to the "writing an essay mostly anonymously and hoping people actually read it" format. especially now, i feel far more inspired to act when using tiktok, and far more like i'm bracing for my inevitable doom when using tumblr.

on that note, tiktok's algorithm actually lends quite well to communication. tiktok users want people to see and interact with their videos, so they speak in a way that encourages conversation. this makes it feel more like an open friendly discussion. tumblr, however, has no such algorithm, and interacting with posts feels much more distant, so making a post about a serious topic is more akin to shouting your frustrations into the void and hoping someone on the other side hears and agrees with you.

the jokes on tumblr are funnier. tiktok loves their mediocre skits. nobody is that blunt in normal conversation and it's making your bit feel stilted, guys.

tumblr's sense of humor isn't unique, though. the format is just a little better for it.

tiktok users don't seem to piss on the poor as much. maybe because it's embarrassing to look inept and stupid when your face is attached to what you're saying? there's also access to body language and tone, and less pressure to say exactly what you mean in the exact right way the first time you say it without angering anyone.

14 year olds still engage in purity culture regardless of platform. this is because they're 14 years old.

i'm finding a LOT of great music through tiktok. it's awesome. genuinely one of my favorite things about the app.

tiktok is judgy and weird about things like appearance. tumblr is judgy and weird about morals. i prefer tiktok on this because at least i can say "normalise fatness" without being jeered at.

tumblr users love to guilt trip.

the "unalived" problem is not as bad as you guys make it out to be. tiktok users don't actually seem to say it much and prefer other euphemisms, especially when being serious. in no particular order, i've seen "departed this mortal coil", "passed", "eliminated" (usually in reference to the uhc ceo), and, a not insignificant amount of times, just "died" with the captions reading "unalived" or "d*ed" or something of the sort. it's still a problem with younger people, but for the most part everyone seems pretty against terms like "unalived" spreading into real life.

i DO see people using "grape" a lot more than "rape". probably because the word has a lot of weight and people are afraid of the topic. there's also a bigger fear of censorship here than with death and drugs; death and drugs are just a part of life. sexual assault? not so much. everyone seems pretty against the term "grape" spreading into real life too.

sex is a weird topic regarding self-censorship. when sharing personal drama, people approach it like they're in a room with children. in all other contexts it's pretty candid. when talking about sexual assault people like to dance around it. basically all like real life conversation, just ticked up a notch or two. i can't say anything about the extensive euphemisms of booktok smut povs, because i haven't seen a single one ever.

there are SO MANY ADS on tiktok. well. not really. there's a pretty normal amount of ads and a shit ton of lives and even more sponsored posts and posts where the poster gets commissions from advertising a tiktok shop item. it feels like you're being inundated with ads.

i'm white so i'm speaking from experience here (though i'm obviously not the end-all-be-all voice on this)—accidental racism is a lot easier to spot and fix on tiktok. it's a lot easier to see if your fyp is entirely white people and sometimes a poc every once in a while, since their faces are all right there, than it is to take note of the race of each of the faceless bloggers you follow on a pretty anonymous site. it's also easier to fix; on tiktok you can just look up something like "black hairstyles", like a few posts, and now there's black people on your fyp. if you interact with their posts normally, there won't be much more issue. on tumblr you'd have to specifically seek out someone, which feels almost performative to me, and also something that, regardless of biases, takes a lot more effort.

on a similar but contrasting note, tumblr's lack of algorithm makes it a lot less easy to fall down weird rabbit holes. on tiktok, though, it is concerningly easy to be boiled like a frog down pipelines, whether they be alt-right or conspiracy theory or astrology that devolves really quickly into a new type of essentialism. i like to think i'm pretty Aware of what i interact with online and how, but people on tiktok reaallyy like astrology and i've nearly slipped quite a few times thanks to a passing interest in tarot.

tiktok users are weirdly reliant on tiktok. tumblr users are weirdly reliant on tumblr. tiktok users don't have a superiority complex about it, though. i think we should all expand our horizons.

conclusion: to me tumblr feels like a club and tiktok feels like chatting with strangers at a chill party. i don't think one is better than the other; they're pretty drastically different platforms and can't really be compared like that. i feel like they're both somewhat necessary internet ecosystems. tumblr is anonymous, non-algorithmic, and has far less built-in censorship. tiktok is closer to real life, allows you to easily find and explore new things, and brings communities together in a pretty impactful way. insert something inspirational and poignant about society and how humans interact here.

[hoarah-babylon]

I had to make a BIG post going over everything that's got my brain whirring after watching the story trailer - it's all my speculation and personal opinion so don't take it as fact yada yada IT'S FUN SPECULATION TIME

(I'll put it under the cut bc this is gonna be a LONG one)

“Miquella the kind spoke of the beginning. The seduction. And the betrayal. An affair from which Gold arose. And so too was Shadow born."

My interpretation of this scene is that we are seeing the creation of the Golden Order by Marika. She plucks grace from something dead and fleshy, and holds it up to the Greater Will, beckoning in her new age. It would make sense to me, considering the voiceover, that this is a dead god that has been betrayed by Marika so she can pursue her Order and claim power. It does like quite reminiscent of Kos from Bloodborne to me. The fleshiness of the corpse also reminds me of the godskins/snakeskin. However, I don't believe this is the Gloam Eyed Queen. From my understanding of the timeline (mainly thanks to @eldenringslut) the GEQ didn't come about until later on during Marika's reign - if we are seeing the creation of the GO, and my understanding of the timeline is correct, I don't think it would make sense for this to be the GEQ. I can't deny different aspects of this do allude to things related to her though - the dusky sky, the godskin-like flesh. But I almost think that would be too 'perfect' for it to fit together like that, especially with how much people want to know more about the GEQ, I think fromsoft would want to keep us in the dark and surprise us. Whatever we are seeing here, Gold and Shadow seemingly came about at the same time.

We get our first look at what appears to be Messmer's army. They appear to all wield spears which ties into Messmer's whole Impaler thing, along with the shot of the person(?) impaled on the steps. I wonder who these people were, if they had to stay in the Shadow Realm after the battle was done (if it is?). I find the design on the helmet interesting - at first glance I thought it could be a tree or roots, but actually doesn't it kind of remind you of the black tendrils that shoot out of Messmer's flame? I think it could be either, or both, or maybe it's a chicken and egg situation and they're related somehow... my first thought when the initial gameplay trailer came out was that the dark tendrils in Messmer's flame could be deathroot or something similar to that. Maybe I wasn't far off?

We get our first shot of Messmer here. His pose pretty much solidifies to me that this is his army - this is the pose of a character commanding an army. It's so classic fantasy, the composition and everything, I love it. Messmer is awesome. I'm obsessed with the snake-like flames flying above the carnage.

"What followed was a war unseen. One that could never be put to song. A purge without Grace, or honour. The tyranny of Messmer's flame."

My take on this is that once Marika had won her battle/betrayed the God we see her pluck Grace from, she had her opponents banished and/or wiped out at the hands of Messmer. I have to say, it does surprise me that it seems Messmer was around and fully grown at the creation of Marika's Order. The implications there leave me with so many questions. Who is his other parent? Marika is Numen, and they seldom give birth. This is not an insignificant thing for her to have a child, especially if the theory of births being governed by the Erdtree/Golden Order is to be believed, and this must have came about before then. It would also go against the idea that Messmer is the full brother/secret triplet of Miquella and Malenia, considering that Miq + Mal were not born until Marika had left Godfrey for Radagon. I find that detail so intriguing... especially because I was so on board with the butterfly theories.

No idea who this is, but they're cool and that definitely looks like the kind of weapon we'd be able to pick up. It just looks like a PVP weapon, know what I mean? Very reminiscent of Vyke as well imo, similar pose to the box art of him along with the billowing cape. This reminds me, I'm noticing an emphasis on hair in this trailer too - I never took much note of Marika's hair before but in this trailer there was a lot of emphasis put on how long it is, how similar it is to threads of Grace, and Miquella's hair too. It's making me think of the bible story of Samson but let me not go too off the rails

Here we have some of the coolest shots in the trailer imo. This posits the Lion/Omens as enemies of Messmer to me - which to me supports the view that Messmer is aligned with Marika. The Lion/Omens always came off to me as if they were making a mockery of the GO - positioning themselves as enemies to Marika/the GO. We get another good look at his Flame, with the tendrils. They almost remind me of thorns actually. That final shot looks like a victory scene to me. It also really hammers home the Impaler thing. The man knows his brand!

Then we pan up to see what hangs above this burned city - this 'shadow tree'. THIS IS MARIKA'S RUNE.

I think we are seeing the origins of her rune as part of the modern Elden Ring here - Grace/blessings dripping from the bough of this tree. I have to say given the imagery relating to motherhood on the run up to the DLC, the rune does look vaguely yonic, especially on the seals. I think references to motherhood are in this trailer too - Marika taking something from a fleshy orifice with a voiceover talking about seduction, I can't imagine that wasn't intentional. So far the main character we have seen is her child, after all. The whole story of Elden Ring revolves around Marika's children. I have a feeling Marika's relation to motherhood and childbearing is going to be a big theme in the DLC.

I remember when the first gameplay trailer dropped, people theorised that this was Ranni's rune, and I was happy to believe that because of the similarities to Rennala's rune. But now I believe it's Miquella's rune, for several reasons, one being it reminds me of Malenia's rune, and they are twins after all. Although Rennala and Malenia's runes are oddly similar, it just makes more sense to me that it would be Miquella's, considering we are following in his footsteps. I think these rune spikes are going to be our DLC equivalents of sites of grace.

"And so kindly Miquella would abandon everything. His golden flesh, his blinding strength..."

Abandoning his flesh is very reminiscent of Ranni... but why would he need to abandon his flesh? Perhaps after Mohg stole him away? Though I have to say, I'm warming up the idea that Mohg never actually had Miquella, he just thought he did. That might not make sense considering that body in Mohg's palace is how we get to the Shadow Lands, but I don't know, something about it doesn't sit quite right with me for some reason. The line 'his blinding strength' is a bit odd. I can't take credit for this next idea, I saw it on twitter, but someone suggested that this is referencing him potentially abandoning Malenia - his strength, his blade. For Miquella to abandon Malenia though, it doesn't exactly align with what we know of his character. This is the person that turned his back on the GO because it could do nothing for Malenia's sickness. He'd need a really good reason to do that to her. Maybe it was his only option? I'm so intrigued about why Miquella is even in the Shadow Lands to begin with. What are his motivations? Perhaps it's something to do with his proclivity to want to welcome all, especially those outside of Grace, I suppose those in the shadow lands fall under that mantle.

"Even his fate."

Now THIS is super interesting - our first look at St. Trina! In her usual purple - associated with sleep. It does also look like she's sleeping here, sinking... What on earth does it mean to say that Miquella abandoned his fate as we are shown an image of St. Trina? Was he meant to eventually become Trina fully? We don't know much about her, but we do know Trina is an aspect/alter-ego of some sort of Miquella. Considering his parents were one in the same body, it's not a stretch to assume this could be the same case here. But in Marika/Radagon's case, it doesn't seem completely intentional - with the Ring shattering, I always got the impression they each fought to be in control of their singular body. Perhaps Miquella/Trina worked together rather than against each other? The queer part of me can't help but think of some kind of allegory to transition and Miquella having to walk away from it for whatever reason... but I really don't know enough to figure anything out from this.

I saw someone point out that this shot of Trina looks like Trina's lilies too, which is super cool (sorry I don't remember who that was).

"But we are not deterred. We choose to follow. Will you walk with us?"

I'm honestly surprised to see all these characters that we saw in the previous trailer just hanging out, I assumed they'd all be enemies of different factions. But here they look like allies, and from the voiceover they sound like it too, asking if we will join them. I think the voiceover is one of these NPCs. Seeing the fighting guy second on the left has got me super excited, what if he teaches us the hands-on combat we saw him do in the first trailer? I also think the crouching character on the right is the one we saw sleeping in the purple area (Trina?) from the last trailer:

Anyway, these are my thoughts, I hope they resonate in one way or another. I can't wait to come back in a couple months and see how wrong I was <3 yayyy

[glitzreyasblog]

Hi girl! Well i want to manifest high grades in my exams but sometimes when i pass the exam and then the teachers returns my papers i find them bad...and then i give up persisting, how do i fix that? It Also a problem with changing my past grades, it just the 3d circumstances triggers me and that would make me think that it impossible to change my grades. I Hope you see my Ask and thank you 💗

hey, anon, thanks for asking ! ♡

first, nothing is impossible. the truth is everything is available to you and everything is possible. so even if you don’t always believe everything is possible, know that the truth is that every possibility is at your fingertips.

I understand that the 3D can be triggering, I mean, of course it is! if it’s in your face 24/7 how could it not annoy you? but at the end of the day, as long as you realize that the 3D and it’s circumstances literally mean nothing and can’t do anything to impact your manifestations— you’re good.

also, the 3D is neverrrr a source of confirmation or validation. don’t look to it and take whatever it says as the last word. it’s not in the 3D, so what? keep going. There’s no such thing as giving up since you’re always manifesting, giving up simply means persisting in the assumption you don’t want.

the 3D always look at you for validation anyways. everything in the 3D comes from you because the 3D is you, there’s no separation! so don’t believe that the 3D can create on its own or that whatever happens in the 3D is set in stone. keep doing your thing and the 3D has no choice but to follow— that is a guarantee.

I really recommend reading these posts by @etherealkissed88 , as soon as I saw your ask, her posts popped into my head:

indifference towards the 3D

applying the law while experiencing the 3D

(I rlly recommend her blog too! it’s been incredibly helpful for me and allowed me to find success in my loa journey 🫶)

don’t look at your grades in the 3D and take that as a sign that “it didn’t work”. don’t take anything that happens in the 3D as a sign of anything. the 3D literally means nothing, so don’t let it stop you. the only one who can change your reality is you, so dont give up just because the insignificant 3D shows you something.

ps, it’s perfectly okay to have doubts. lots of people manifest even with doubts, anxiety, negative thoughts, etc. once you’ve decided that you have it, it’s done. nothing can take that away from you. so do whatever you want, interact with the 3D, while knowing you already made the decision that it’s yours.

and remember, the 3D can only change once there is a change in self.

aside from my advice, I’d also like to share my experience, because I used to be in a similar situation. I depended on the 3D for confirmation so much it’s not even funny. I’m proud to say that now my mindset is completely different and i couldn’t care that much about the 3D if I tried. what helped me the most was learning and understanding the significance of imagination. learning the importance of imagination and self was what changed the game for me. I was able to give myself everything I wanted in my imagination, I was able to fulfill and change self with ease and I had never felt more free doing so. It also made me a million times more sure in my decision that I had what I wanted. because why would I care about the 3D and what it was showing me if i had everything i wanted in the 4D— the real reality. so, if your 3D grades are bothering you then simply have fun in the 4D! what do you desire aside from the grades? Is it the satisfaction of achieving such high marks? Is it the pride you’ll have in yourself once you get the top score? Is it relief you want to feel? Do you want to impress your peers? Or is it academic validation you want? Whatever it is, give it to yourself within. and don’t just do that for the sake of change in the 3D, for the sake of getting something, do it because you’ll feel how you want to feel. do it because you’ll feel confident in the assumption you have high marks.

give yourself something to fall in love with in imagination.

another ps (I swear I’m almost done just stay with me😭😭) it’s also worth mentioning that you as the outer man can do absolutely nothing to change the outer world, nor should you strive to. the only way to change the 3D is to change self, change imagination. to create a new assumption which then turns into a new identity.

at the end of the day, it all comes back to the inner world. a change in the 3D can only be created by a change in the 4D. so you either make the change or get stuck in the cycle that is putting the 3D on a pedestal. the choice is yours.

[ryuichirou]

HiHi! Just found your blog recently! Very fun to read all the headcanon stuff!

If you could, could you do one where the Twisted boys comfort their S.O. when they're emotionally burnt out? Would be nice to read about.

Thanks! <3

Hi! I’m sorry, I am a magician that took your “recently” and turned it into an “a while ago” because god it’s been so long..!! I am so so sorry!

Still, I am happy you enjoyed my hcs, and I hope you are still around to at least read this very belated reply.

It was fun writing something fluffy for a change. It really did feel nice. The next list is probably going to be cursed to balance it out lol

Riddle – I think he is not very good at recognising things like emotional burnout or any other kind of “unhappiness” because his own feelings had always been neglected. In result, he doesn’t really know how to deal with his lover feeling burnt out… but he’ll probably read a lot of books about it and do his best do act according to all the information he’s gathered! He’d be very clumsy about it too, but I feel like even just the effort to make the other person feel better would cheer them up, at least it would definitely cheer Trey up.

Ace – he is a sensible douche. He is secretly kind of supportive while saying shit like “oh snap out of it already, what’s wrong with you lately?” and rolling his eyes at the same time. He isn’t the most gracious one, but he still cares a lot, so he’d do little nice gestures for his partner when he’s feeling down. He would mostly try to distract him by bringing him somewhere to do something fun or relax; Ace is a little worse at giving his partner some space though. But he means well, really.

Deuce – he defaults to “let’s just ride a bike and scream at the ocean”, nothing to really add there, to be honest lol But it’s very effective! The first time he took Ace for a bike ride, Ace got so surprised by how unexpectedly cool Deuce looked that he completely forgot about his worries. Didn’t really need to yell at the ocean. In fact, he refused to do it because that felt too cringe. I also must add, despite being oblivious, Deuce is more sensitive to his partner’s emotional state than Ace.

Trey – we all know his love language by now – it’s baked goods lol He is the type to stealthily slip through the door, leave a tray with a piece of pie and a cup of tea next to his loved one, and leave him alone until he feels better. It’s not like Trey can’t provide any active emotional support, it’s just not his style, and he feels kind of awkward doing the whole hugging and comforting thing. He is a good listener though! But still, whenever he feels like Riddle (for example) isn’t feeling well, you know damn well he’s going to get the best strawberries to bake him something nice. Maybe he’ll even spend some extra money for that, just to make it feel more special.

Cater – he has a meme folder for occasions just like this one lol but honestly, I’m not sure if Cater is very good at supporting someone who is emotionally burnt out. He can certainly relate to it though. And it’s easier for him if his partner requires some chatting about insignificant and non-important things, he is very good at providing those.

Leona – I don’t think he’s ever had a situation in which he would have to worry about something like that… but if he feels Ruggie is feeling blue or being seriously out of it, he’d ask him to do something for him lol Which sounds bad, but he would pick a task that is surprisingly chill, as if he is intentionally giving Ruggie an opportunity to take a breather and relax, maybe even do something pleasant. Is that him being nice? If he is asked about it, he’d either say that he is an extremely caring person and should be appreciated for that (sarcasm), or pretend that he doesn’t understand what Ruggie is talking about.

Ruggie – he does whatever he feels is more valuable: brings some food, maybe does something for a person, leaves them to rest. If it’s Leona though, he knows that he doesn’t really require any more food, rest, or services, he gets plenty of it already. So he might actually drag him to take a bath or something lol He catches moments when Leona is feeling down due to his physical state very well. He is very physical-world-oriented in general, not a huge pep talk giver.

Jack – he has a regimen for when he himself is feeling down, so he’ll put a person through it too: he’d make him run for like two hours at first, and he’d show him very cool and pretty scenery. Kind of similar to what Deuce does, but with physical exercise + without any bikes lol The idea is that you distract your mind by keeping your body busy, and then by the time you’re done, you’re feeling accomplished and exhausted at the same time, but also you get to stare at something beautiful… He is a romantic lol

Azul – I’m actually writing him last chronologically because, unexpectedly, it’s very difficult for me to think about him in this context. He isn’t heartless, especially when it comes to someone that he loves a lot, but I feel like he isn’t very good at genuine emotional support. It’s easy for him to go through the list of things one should do in such a situation, to say stuff like “you know that I am always here for you to cry on my shoulder!”, but such words sound so fake from Azul even when he means it lol So if he really really cares about the person, he’d try to create some sense of comfort for them, I guess. To indulge them in something that they wouldn’t normally indulge in, or that Azul himself doesn’t usually want them to indulge in. With Idia, it’s going to be a huge variety of snacks, a fancy variation of his shitty chemical foods (with all the chemicals intact, just plated in a very nice way, thanks Tweels), and also some time off that Azul took from his busy schedule to play games with him all night. With Jamil, it’s trickier because they aren’t as emotionally close…

Jade – another believer in nature healing emotional wounds, he is very likely to bring his partner to the mountains to spend a couple of nights under the stars and with bears roaming nearby. Maybe he just wants his partner to start worrying for his life instead… when you worry for your life, you don’t have time to be emotionally drained! But if hiking isn’t an option for some unfathomable reason, he doesn’t mind just being extra sweet and butler-like for some time, literally taking care of his partner. He’d act so sickly-sweet that they would have no choice but to start feeling better! Just to make him stop!

Floyd – he doesn’t like it when someone who usually brings him fun suddenly becomes all apathetic and sad, so he’ll start poking the person, both literally and figuratively. Maybe he’ll poke enough for them to get angry, and then he’ll be very satisfied with himself. “Goldfishie is acting like himself again~” or something like that. He does have moments when he almost feels like a caring boyfriend, when he hugs his lover tightly and tells him to cheer up in a very cute tone. But if he feels like he’s getting nowhere, he’ll get frustrated and leave until he feels like coming back to poke his partner again. Maybe it’s his turn to be apathetic and irritable lol

Kalim – he’ll instantly feel that something is off, and will do his absolute darnest to help! And unfortunately that usually means that he’ll get overwhelming. His train of thought is usually to feed, to cheer up with dance and music, to throw a party with a parade. One of those things is bound to make his lover feel better, right? If it’s Jamil though, he might also try to take some of Jamil’s responsibilities to give him some time to relax. And he might even not create more work for Jamil by doing so! He also could give Jamil a vacation and give him like a week to travel by himself and relax, but he won’t get this idea himself – someone needs to tell him. Oh, and to talk about feelings. This isn’t where Kalim’s mind naturally goes to, but he is good at it.

Jamil – isn’t he the one who needs support more..!! just kidding; I think he would try to think rationally. At first he’d check if his partner isn’t getting sick since that could be a reason for him feeling blue, then he’ll probably try to create a quiet place for him to rest. If he loves the person, he might even make him a playlist of some good music. It honestly depends on who it is, but I feel like Jamil is very careful and attentive and knows exactly what his partner needs, especially if he loves him. With Kalim though, it’s complicated, I feel like Jamil would get genuinely surprised and almost scared if he Kalim was feeling emotionally exhausted…

Vil – it also depends on a person, I guess. Firstly, if it’s someone who he has some power over as a housewarden (i.e. Rook), he’d give him some time to rest, even if it’s just a day. Then, his plan is surprisingly similar to what Jack would do lol Something active at first, something beautiful and indulgent. He might do yoga or meditation, but if it’s Rook for example, they already do it every day, so he could go for something more active. Like an impromptu game of hide-and-seek?? Or something like that. And after they’ll watch his loved one’s favourite movie (or the one Vil thinks he would enjoy) while Vil gives him massages and does something with his partner’s face and hair to make him feel even better. Oh, he’d also light some scented candles to make his loved one feel like the time has stopped for the two of them. And if there is something that bothers his loved one, Vil is absolutely here to talk about it and to provide not only emotional support, but also a feeling of clarity when it’s needed. Honestly? It’s such a fucking treat, the lucky guy should feel extremely honored lol

Rook – now this is someone who looooves talking about feelings lol But he is also someone who adapts the most to his partner’s needs! Because he is scarily attentive, he knows everything about people’s preferences and things that they usually crave, so he would arrive with food for one person, make a playlist for some other person, give a lot of hugs to the third person, and maybe even leave some other person alone for some time to give them space! With Vil, for example, he would mirror his own ways a little bit: some yoga, some beauty rituals and self-care, and then a marathon of his favourite old-ass obscure-ass movies that only the two of them watched. But no matter what he does, it always ends with a heart-to-heart. Rook just has to make a person talk about their feelings…

Epel – honestly, he is a delightful cutie. He tries very hard to make his loved one feel better, and his methods are usually pretty simple; he just remembers what his mom and meemaw used to do when he was feeling blue. So, something nice to eat, something soft to cuddle! He was thinking a plushie or a pillow, but his partner might end up cuddling him instead lol That would surely make one’s emotional battery charge quickly! But also, despite his cuteness, I can also picture him as someone who would want to break things when he is upset, so maybe he’d try to organise that as well…

Idia – he is not super equipped to handle situations like these, but he is very sensitive when it comes to recognising them. For example, he’ll instantly know  the difference between “Azul is irritable because he’s just being Azul” and “Azul is irritable because he is exhausted but can’t stop and take it easy”. And with Azul, he might actually tell him that he needs to chill before he explodes or hurts himself. But usually his go-to is to offer a distraction (a game, something to read, something to watch) and just fuck off until the person initiates the dialogue. Idia doesn’t really mind talking about something that bothers his loved one, but he extremely rarely addresses it first, he prefers to let them start venting themselves.

Ortho – he calculated the best route to take based on all the info he found on the internet! Which is a good and a bad thing because, on the one hand, he’ll present everything a person might need, it’s like textbook emotional support. But on the other hand, online articles usually talk about the importance of eliminating the source of stress, and we know how literal Ortho could get with such suggestions… the source of stress is better watch out!! Jokes aside, what’s good about Ortho is that he is learning and he is very careful: if he sees his loved one reacting well to a certain thing, he’ll do more of this thing, and then he’ll basically teach himself to be the best emotional support buddy. He is like that with Idia already, he brings him the best snacks to munch!

Lilia – he is a big believer in changing scenery when you’re feeling exhausted, emotionally burnt out or overwhelmed. So if it’s possible to take his loved one somewhere, he would gladly do that. But also, these days he is very into “shake the sadness off!” approach, so he kind of pushes his lover to do something fun, maybe even something crazy or dangerous. Of course, he’s also a very good person to talk to, and unlike some other people, he initiates the dialogue first when he feels like his sad boy starts to feel a bit better, like he’s up to have a chat. Honestly, he would put them through such a ride that starts on a very crazy note and ends on a surprisingly delightful and romantic one.

Silver – he is a very sensitive boy and he notices those things quickly. But he probably thinks that he isn’t much of a help, so sometimes he just sits nearby, feeing kind of useless. But the thing is, Silver is surrounded by emotional support critters at all times, so with him just sitting nearby, one’s worry would go away so fast… when his lover says that he really cheered him up, Silver always looks confused, but happy nonetheless. Silver also probably suggests his loved one to tell him about what troubles him, but he doesn’t talk much himself, just listens. With Sebek this might not work though, so he’d cheer him up by inviting him to train or whatnot. This seems to be their love language lol

Sebek – does Sebek even believe in emotional burnout? I feel like he is someone who gets angry at first because this isn’t the behaviour he expects and knows how to handle. But at the same time, Sebek is also sensible enough to know when something is off (e.g. Silver’s dorm vignette), but his ways of emotional support are kind of indirect. So, he’s either trying to boost morale with his energetic speeches, or tries to support the person physically (by either training if it’s Silver, or making sure the person isn’t sick). If it’s Malleus who is feeling blue, Sebek’s going to be obnoxious and express his support by angrily barking at everyone who dares to go near Malleus until he starts feeling better. Is it a good way to support Malleus? Not really, but he’s trying…

Malleus – it’s probably something that Malleus never really had to go through; other people’s emotional state had never been his responsibility. The worst thing that could happen before was Lilia getting mad or upset, but emotional burnout? That’s something new. But not something that is entirely unknown to Malleus because his own emotional state could be unstable and volatile, and he gets overwhelmed sometimes too. He probably won’t be able to recognise this in another person (especially if it’s Lilia for whom this state is very unusual), and might get frustrated at first. But when he figures out that this is what he himself feels sometimes, he’ll teleport somewhere with his loved one and fly with him somewhere to enjoy solitude and calmness…

[slaaverin]

You know if the fandom at large truly saw Jikook as just Bros, we wouldn’t have half the issue we do have. They know there is something there and it’s what scares them.

I Like to be on this side of things where we sensible folk see two souls who love each other.

I Like to think that the love we share here, heals the world a tiny bit at a time.

I’m in my late 30s now, some may say too old to be a fan girl, or fawning of two guys especially in their late 20s, but do you know I see what I see, and I love their artistry.

I also never thought I’d get to my late 30s so fast, time really does fly by. Word of warning to all. But one thing I’ve learnt is that love is all that matters.

I hope with all my being that Jikook know there are people out there in the world who love them, and support them. I hope Jimin especially knows how much he is truly loved, and that he can and should be himself. Jungkook too, though i do feel he is better at that than Jimin. The show was a positive step in the right direction with how ‘free’ they were. As I said, life is truly too short not to be yourself, to be happy and to love.

"As I said, life is truly too short not to be yourself, to be happy and to love."

I couldn't agree more anon, and I think we saw in jikook many times that this has been an underlying wish of theirs. And I think it will be even more in the future.

There's nothing wrong with being a fan girl at 30. I know people who are 70 that are still fangirling and engaging in fandom. I mean, it's not because we're older that we need to be BORING 😂 I think people of any age can recognize true artistery, passion, and the beauty of people with pure hearts, sharing pure love. It's universal.

I personally don't mind being an ARMY until 70, and still reading silly fanfictions when I'm old 😂 who cares for real. As long as we're having fun, that's all that matters. (As Jimin would say lol)

You're right, life is flying by. And never again will we be us, in this particular life, at this particular time. Moments are fleeting and unique and will never be quite the same again.

That's why life should be enjoyed to the fullest, and appreciated.

That's also why I am so grateful to be sharing this piece of the BTS history with everyone, now, just as it is. What a journey it has been, and what a journey it's gonna be.

And I think it's important we experience it all, the bad, the good (mostly the good) and give as much positive energy as we can.

We're witnessing jikook in real time, and we're gonna see many new things from them. Hopefully they'll get to live an even more happy life, and make adjustements to be themselves to the fullest. How exciting. And we're gonna see it? They're never again going to be jikook going through this. Jikook will never again be jikook.

So whatever we witness, however we give our support, it matters. It's the only time where it matters, because in the next moment everything will be gone, and this theater we are all playing will disappear, and we'll remember it was only a dream, a pretty vivid one.

So the only thing that matters is the present experience, and our feelings and thoughts, how these two people can make us joyous, happy, full of love and appreciation. How we as a community are intermingled, the feelings, words, small actions we share.

We love a relationship that is not ours. Yes, many people have love in their life, but it's always going to be different from them. No two relationship are the same.

And even if it's not ours, we still get to experience things through them, it's part of our vision, it takes space in our thoughts and feelings.

I think, as people who think things through, jikook are aware of it.

Even if our support seems small and insignificant, the fact they simply know that we do, it must surely help them, at least to feel a tiny bit of relief.

And even if they never stumble on any of our words, our thoughts and action (writing, speaking), it's like magic we do. Magic is words (breath, physical movement) and intention. We all are magicians. And even with these small things, it affects them, even if lightly, in the great scheme of things.

So that's already something I guess?

And even if it doesn't matter to them, well it does to us.

If we were in their situation, we would like people like us supporting, just because. Because it feels good? Yeah.

So I think it's normal.

Personally, the other parts of the fandom are just noise to me.

I know what my heart tells me to do. I don't care about anything else.

It's about love, right? The rest has no importance.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts anon 💜sorry for my rambling, and the time I took to respond, I was losing my mind writing my fic lol

Hope you'll continue to be a fangirl as long as your heart tells you to.

sending love 💜

[teaspoonnebula]

VALL Chapter 1 - The Warning

So as a recap - yes I run this substack. No, I haven't read this novel. I'm really looking forwards to getting to experience new (to me) canonical Sherlock Holmes for the very last time in my life... and I'm going to write a bunch about it, so hold on tight.

“I am inclined to think—” said I. “I should do so,” Sherlock Holmes remarked impatiently. I believe that I am one of the most long-suffering of mortals; but I'll admit that I was annoyed at the sardonic interruption.

LOL I love how we jump right into Holmes and Watson banter. Watson's understated "“you are a little trying at times" reminds me of his reaction to Holmes shooting holes in the walls at Baker Street being "I felt strongly that neither the atmosphere nor the appearance of our room was improved by it."

Of course we don't get any indication of the tone in which he says these things, but I think we can guess Watson is countering with a little acerbic wit of his own.

So, Holmes has received a letter from a mysterious figure known as 'Porlock'

Picture to yourself the pilot fish with the shark, the jackal with the lion—anything that is insignificant in companionship with what is formidable:

This idea of the pilot fish is a very cool metaphor. Unfortunately it is entirely ruined for me because it was also used in the Christmas Invasion episode of Doctor Who to describe these things and that's always where my brain is going to go:

Porlock is one of Moriarty's henchmen or representatives! Which makes me interested in the fact that I've never come across this character in pastiches or adaptations or fanfic - why not?

(Also it makes no sense for Watson to know all about Moriarty but that's a Continuity Thing and we all know Arthur Conan Doyle didn't let that sort of thing get in the way of telling his story - more power to him, honestly.)

“You are developing a certain unexpected vein of pawky humour, Watson, against which I must learn to guard myself.

I JUST SAID THAT, HOLMES.

“May I be there to see!” I exclaimed devoutly.

Well THAT is a sucker punch of a line. No, Watson, you won't be there to see, I'm afraid. See, there will be this Swiss boy... anyway, we're getting off track.

Turns out Porlock is a bit of a mole (I wouldn't quite go so far as to say 'double agent'), and has been giving Holmes information provided he is paid enough. This includes a secret cipher which relates to a particular book, which Holmes assumes will arrive in the second post.

GUTTED I didn't read this book when I was 11, I loved ciphers and would have lapped this up.

“Your native shrewdness, my dear Watson, that innate cunning which is the delight of your friends...

"your friends" Lol Holmes just say "Me" we know that's what you mean - and gosh, he's being so sarcastic with Watson!

Billy the page shows up with the second post and readers, I CHEERED at Billy. Does he say anything? No. But BILLY!!! Alas the letter from Porlock says that he just had an unpleasant encounter with Moriarty (with an envelope addressed to 221b in his possession, whoops!) and so so he won't be sending along the key to the cypher.

I love that Holmes' reaction to this isn't frustration at not getting his cypher, but worry for Fred Porlock, and hope that Moriarty doesn't actually suspect him. THIS is why I love Canon Holmes - I think he is fundamentally kind...

“Perhaps there are points which have escaped your Machiavellian intellect.

Holmes points out that they might be able to work out which book is required for the cypher, and guides Watson through his deductive process - which is adorable. And I loved following along with it too - with my knowledge of Victorian ephemera I was hoping it was going to be a Bradshaw, but as Holmes notes to both Watson and me, the range of vocabulary needs to be broader!

It's a Whitaker's Almanac! But not the new edition - the old one. This is a fun little reversal which gives us a moment of Holmes thinking he's 'failed'.

The message suggests that someone called Douglas who lives at Birlstone House, Birlstone, is in danger.

(Clearly this is a totally different house to Hurlstone, from Musgrave Ritual....)

After deciphering the message, Holmes and Watson get a visit from an Inspector MacDonald. I was a little sorry this isn't one of the familiar Yarders (Hopkins, my beloved...) but I'm going to be interested to get to know him. Alas, Holmes is too late to save Douglas - he has already been murdered.

***

So, uh, I'm having the time of my life reading this, honestly. It's such incredibly good fun. I'm intrigued that whatever has happened to Douglas must somehow be linked to Moriarty.

There's a lot of banter about Watson's intellect which I feel should frustrate me more, a lot of the dialogue feels like it's bordering on being quite patronising to Watson, but I think his reactions suggest this is comfortable back and forth done from a place of security in each other.

[groenendaelfic]

Hey,

haven't seen you around a lot lately. Just writing to check in. how is it going? Wish you a nice evening

it is going, thank you for asking!

Life has been very busy these past few months but is moving in a hopefully good and definitely exciting direction.

In this particular order (if memory serves correctly) I've:

decided to move halfway across the continent

marked the one year anniversary of the worst time of my life

had other people mark the one year anniversary of the worst time of my life with all that entails

quit my job (I'd been planning that for a while)

had my boss and hr offer to let me go instead and half my notice period to two months (aka 'give' me more money and facilitate my move, yay pity)

started looking for a place to live and organizing my move

found a new job in a slightly different corner of halfway across the continent (I start July 1st)

got my request for citizenship approved (epic timing guys)

found a place to live in an awesome area (I will be able to do all my errands on foot and my new job is only a short bike ride away)

told everyone I was leaving for sure

signed the paperwork to have my uncle in law take over the place here

had my cousin offer to move my stuff with his remodeled fire engine in exchange for gas and (bridge) tolls

did all the paperwork in the universe ever

started saying my goodbyes for now (I still have lots of family and friends etc here so I'll be back a lot)

had my cousin tell me he'd make a bro trip out of the move because his friends really wanted to see a basic bridge, and room and board plus no girls was all the compensation they needed for getting to carry my boxes

said thanks but no thanks to citizenship (sorry Wille, you'll always be my King)

was asked if I minded the move taking a bit longer because the guys wanted to stop for totally unplanned soccer (a not insignificant part of their motivation if not a deciding factor I dare say)

did more move and job leaving planning and paperwork

welcomed, fed and watered a bunch of guys really into soccer bridges and very disappointed I didn't have more boxes they could compete carrying

prepared a big lunch basket and said goodbye to said guys and my boxes

sat down to write this list wondering where I should celebrate midsummer (aka do I want to travel back and forth to get everything ready or stay until it's time to hand in my work laptop etc)

Phew, yes. Also a million other things which won't come to mind right now. Thank you to everyone who left me such kind messages btw. I appreciate them so much but am still learning to respond to kindness and compliments without awkwardness. They nevertheless give me life.

In more interesting news to everyone here I've also done a lot of writing.

Mostly on One Wild Summer, which has already grown into a monster, but I've been writing the exciting parts later on and still guesstimate a 15k or so stretch which needs bridging to get to all the fun stuff I've already written.

but also on The Prince and the Barista and As Long as We Have Each Other. I only need to make it coherent and once again fill the gap to where I stopped posting.

plus *cue exasperated sighs* I'm also 9k+ into a new fic! The (once more) absolutely most self-indulgent thing I've ever written in this fandom and something I swore I never would turn into a proper fic. Expect the prologue for that (which was meant to be 500 words and not 5k) soonish.

Everything else including regular updates not before mid to late July though I think. Because moving and starting a new job and life means busy times and while I can write scribble down connected sentences with half a mind, I can't beta read and edit with half a mind.

tl;dr: I am still writing yr fic and haven't abandoned my fics, but am also busy moving. goodbye cloudberries and lingonberries, hello wineberries vineyards and appleberries apple orchards.

[certifiedsexed]

Hi. I was wondering if you could help me figure out something with my sexuality? I didn’t grow up in a context where I would have the language to understand these parts of myself, and, while they might not be for everyone, I would kind of like to have a label for it just to know that I’m not alone in the ways I feel.

I feel like I don’t experience things “correctly”? For example, I can be kissing someone that I really, really like and it doesn’t feel…romantic? I’ve had this happen during sex as well. It feels more like a fun activity than anything else. And sometimes I do have the romantic feelings, but other times (and most of the time, really) I just…don’t. It seems rare for me to. It makes me feel like a bad person because I truly love my partner and we’ve been together for several, several years but I feel like I’m cheating them out of a fuller experience. Like they could be with someone else who could feel those things consistently. And I managed to work up the courage to discuss this with them and they have assured me that they love me and always will even if they don’t fully understand. But it still makes me feel bad. I don’t understand why affection feels so platonic to me even if I love the person I’m sharing the affection with.

Is it bad that I’m only now able to admit these things to myself as an adult who has been fully fledged and out in the world for a not insignificant amount of time? I tried to ignore it for so, so long. Is there something wrong with me? Is there a label for something like this? Am I just broken?

Hi! I can try. I can't guarantee anything, though.

First, I want to tell you that there is no "correct" way to experience things. It's okay not to feel romantic feelings, while kissing, while having sex, it doesn't matter. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Even if you have a partner! Your partner doesn't love you just for you to love them back [romantically], it sounds like they love you for who you are. That's beautiful.

Not consistently feeling romantic feelings is actually a very common aromantic experience, which I'd genuinely suggest you look into. I'd also look into asexuality, just in case that's part of it too [since you mentioned sex specifically.].

But it's not bad that you're only now discussing and trying to explore this! Everyone is growing and changing and learning more all the time: you've made great progress discussing something that is very uncomfortable for you. However long it took, that's incredible.

It's very, very common for people to try to bury and "fix" parts of their sexuality and/or gender for extended periods of time and it doesn't mean something's wrong with you. The world just tries to hide certain sexualities/etc from people and that can make you feel broken because you don't understand what's going on.

There's definitely a label for that. I don't know it off the top of my head but I'm fairly sure someone following me might. [Drop it in the comments if you do.] But even if there's not, you're not broken, Anon, just because you don't experience romantic emotions in a "typical" way.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3