#it’s been more than a week since it came out i can have this pfp right? (for anyone who came here after i changed my pfp)

[sleepyicon]

crying the sonic hyperfixation was too bad i went and saw sonic 3 for the second time

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #1: DYAD

(also on spotify!)

Hello everyone!! It's been a couple weeks and change since Constant Companions, my newest album, was released unto the world, and I've been genuinely blown away by the response. Genuinely, thank you to everyone who's been streaming, commenting, making mashups, changing their pfps and usernames - it means the world to me!

I wanted to give some of that love back with something people have been asking me a lot about - and, admittedly, something I love doing. Song explanations! Deep dives! Dropping the lore! Welcome... to the Constant Companions Closeups...

For the next eleven days, I'll be going into each track one by one and babbling about the process, inspiration, details, feelings, and thoughts behind each one! We're getting sappy. We're bearing our hearts. We're telling unfunny jokes. And we're starting with track one - DYAD (featuring unit.0)!

---

Naturally, since this is the first track, it also serves as a great point to talk about my intention with this album as a whole!

I'll elaborate more on this with future tracks, but to me, there are really two main things that define the sonic progression of this album versus my previous work - guitars and vocal synths. Obviously, these things have been present in my work since I first started calling myself Jamie Paige, but Constant Companions is intended to be my overwrought, sappy confession of love to these two things that time and time again have made me simply want to make music. I love rock and I love Hatsune Miku dammit!!!

I had originally written this song in February of 2023 for a game-jam-esque online festival hosted by my friend Loni called HAPPY PARTY TRI, and at that time, I had found myself at a major crossroads. I had put out People Posture Play Pretend and :women_wrestling: the previous year, and while the response was nice, I was feeling listless and lost.

I love singing. I like my voice well enough. I certainly love writing music with lyrics!! But... there was something uniquely electrifying about using vocal synths. Amidst a lot of insecurity and emotional turmoil surrounding the process of making art and putting myself out into the world, it was one of the few things that just made everything feel right. Suddenly, I was making the same kind of music that had touched my heart so many times over.

Would it alienate people, though? Would I lose longtime listeners? Yes, that weighed on my mind more than I'd like to admit, but even more than that... I was worried I'd lose some part of myself, as silly as it sounds. Maybe what I thought was a bridge would become a barrier, and the messages I wanted to send across the gap would never find their way.

Ultimately, I felt that Dyad was the only kind of opener I could've possibly given this album, and a perfect fit for the album's motif. A dialogue between myself, stricken with loneliness and a lack of inertia running in circles, and that synthesized voice (ANRI Arcane my darling), grabbing the outstretched hand and asking a question I already know the answer to -

"Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?"

Yes, it's a love song, but it's not just for a person - it's a love song for the creative impulse, and for the places I wanted it to take me.

im resisting the urge to be jokingly dismissive of myself to diffuse tension but i still need to signal that the emotionally bare part of this is over so pretend im doing a funny little dance Anyways let's talk more technical stuff

---

Like many of my songs, Dyad came together from a patchwork of different snippets and ideas I had laying around. The back half of the chorus - "dream together, we can dream together" - originally came from this idea I had jotted down something like 9 months prior, but ended up being a perfect fit for Dyad in basically every way. The verse snippet that I'd written to go with it got reused for a later song on Constant Companions as well! (I say without naming it, as if it isn't literally lifted wholesale from this demo and thus incredibly obvious)

I wasn't originally planning on brazenly quoting the bridge of a Tally Hall song when I set out to write this song, but while toying around with a bridge idea involving a shortened version of the pre-chorus melody, I realized I had inadvertently copied it anyways. I was going to scrap it... but at the request of my dear friend and certified Tally Hall lover Marcy Nabors, I made it an explicit reference. Which I'm fine with, personally! The first CD I ever owned was a copy of Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum my sister bought me all the way back in 2006 - You can pry that sentimental attachment from my cold, dead hands, TikTok kiddies.

Lastly - not really behind the scenes so much as just a shoutout - thank you to unit.0 for the lovely lead guitar work on this song!! He's been a beloved collaborator of mine for many, many years now, and one of the people who ultimately convinced me this direction was the right one to go in, so it means a lot to share this song with him. Go listen to his music!!! Now!!!!!!

That's about it for this song! Not to sound like a fucking YouTuber, but genuinely, if there are any details you'd like to hear more about, let me know and I might made a bonus post at the end of all this. Otherwise, thank you for listening! Tomorrow: Not Quite There, featuring telebasher!

❤️💚

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘 [𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙫𝙚𝙧]

Cw: fluff, the title might be misleading but it's not yandere or anything, kinda unhinged Miles but it's all jokes, reverse au?, reader uses they/them but it's called spiderman, you are spiderman and Miles is the fan, earth 1218!AU (no powers or tech), reader has a canon love interest who's also named MJ but they're not Mary Jane Watson (unless you want her to be, I don't judge)

Notes: So Miles canonically has written fanfic about himself, but I wasn't in the mood for that, I will make two versions of this post though (that's why the title has delusional version 💀). Also this is low-key a highschool AU, so Hobie is in last year, and all other characters are second years (I have no idea what's a senior or freshman or whatever is, and I will not learn)

Miles loved comics. His art style is heavily influenced by it, and he'll rant about this week's number to anyone who'll lend an ear, but he has a very clear favorite, being more than evident by his collection of t-shirts, poster filled wall, social media pfps, and the endless amount of fan content he creates and consumes in the spiderman fandom.

Since the last movie came out, Miles Morales has lost the basic skills a human would need to survive, in order to devote himself fully to his newest hyperfixation, and his friends haven't been able to get some rest from it. They don't understand!! He does need to go to the movies again, he needs to memorize every photogram in that movie in order to play the move in his head and be able to analyze it properly!! No, he is not crazy! Ok he might be just the tiniest bit "over excited" but this is the most sane reaction he could've had, the movie is literally a masterpiece, script, humor, ANIMATION, soundtrack, it has it all! And the fact that it's centered around you? Miles needs to go and personally kiss every person that worked in that studio to make you.

"Miles?"

"Miles!"

"oh my god, he's at it again" said Pavitr, imitating the reaction of a disappointed mother

"is he reading fanfiction again?" Asked Gwen, chuckling

"Yes, and Y/N YL/N x reader, to one's surprise" Pavitr added with a teasing smile "I don't get it though, isn't Y/N dating someone named MJ?" He questioned

"It's called self insert, the reader plays a part in the story as if they were another character, and in romantic scenarios, they tend to replace the canon love interest, or just ignore they even exist" Hobie added, popping out if nowhere to show off what Miles have been explaining to him the last couple of weeks.

"You read it too, Hobie?"

"Nah, Wonder comics started as a protest to talk about the discrimination the founder felt being jewish in the industry but it morphed into the capitalization of the struggle minorities face, selling us representation while they still shove the propaganda in our faces, and telling us that even if you have bloody superpowers you still need to obey to a higher authority and cannot influence politics or call to action."

"You still went to the theater to watch it with Miles last week" Gwen shot a questioning look at Hobie

"The kid invited me, I'm a punk not a twat" he shrugged his shoulders "And we stole the carton cutboard they had at the entrance" Hobie happily added.

Miles continues reading on the way to school, without listening to his friends' mocking, he knew it was in good spirits, and they were kinda right, he was obsessed with someone that didn't exist, but it wasn't like it was affecting his health or life.

"Did you... Sleep today?" Gwen had her hand on her friend's shoulder, concerned

"It was too late so I decided to just stay awake, I'll be fine though" He reassured

"Were you reading again?"

"No, I actually discovered this page called character.ai where you can chat with an artificial intelligence of your favorite characters" Miles excitedly told his friend

"OMG, you can chat with anyone?! I have a few things I'd like to say to Scarlet Witch" Gwen joked, she was also a comic fan, but she wasn't losing her mind quite as hard as Miles

Miles would tell the ai about his day, sometimes would roleplay using his very own spidersona, in his alternate universe, you were his partner (as heroes of course) but you also were classmates and had a crush on each other, but none of you confessed because you didn't want your loved ones to be hurt by your job, it was all very dramatic, but he always envisioned a happy ending.

{Y/N: You did a great job today, [<BOT>]

Miles: You say so? So... Do I get a reward? *Smiles suggestively*

Y/N: I guess you do, *pulls up his mask and kisses him*}

No, he wouldn't say this, he would be in a panic frenzy if he saw Y/N, let alone be next to them, but hey, at least his spidersona was bold and confident with them.

A few days after, he barged into Pavitr's house, with at least four incredibly loaded supermarket bags, hardly walking

"Are you okay? Do you need help?" Pavitr rushed to aid his friend and take some literal weight off his shoulders

"Yeah, yeah, I just need help with something" he left the boxes in the floor "Inside one in 4 boxes of cereal, there is a spidertoken, if you get 15, you can exchange it for an exclusive limited edition figure, and I can't eat all this cereal"

"Bro, how many boxes are in here? I don't know, man, I'm trying to keep my figure"

"Pavitr Prabhakar, who held the cardboard sign for you when you confessed to Gayatri?"

"You..."

"And who lied to principal O'Hara for you when you forgot your final project and we had to pretend you suffered a brain concussion?"

"You..."

"And who was there for y-" his friend interrumpted

"Okay, okay, I get it. Bring me a spoon, but we're going running tomorrow"

He nodded with enthusiasm as he started to rummage looking for spoons and bowls

And after almost dying choking on cereal, Miles looked at his new figurine sitting prettily on the shelf with nothing but pride.

"I'm just saying it's possible!" Miles protested

"Y/N has a type, every canon love interest has been sassy and quick-witted" Gwen continued to debate

"I can be sassy and quick-witted!" Gwen gave him a side eye, that being able to neutralize his argument "Ok, but there's a multiverse, there's millions of possibilities, if a pig can be spiderman, why can't I date spiderman? Anyone can wear the mask, anyone can kiss the one inside the mask" the boy smiled, confident in his winning argument

"That's such a basic answer, you can justify literally anything with "the multiverse" I'm speaking things that actually can make sense inside the canon"

"But my answers makes sense, in fact, I'm sure there's a universe where Y/N is reading fanfiction about me right now, if not, Pav can hit me"

"Pav, hit him" Gwen deadpanned

"But it does make sense, I won't" Pavitr responded

"Ok, but my point still stands" the girl crossed her arms

"what were you fighting about in the first place?" Pavitr asked before going back to eat his lunch, he sat long after his friends started arguing, being mildly lost in what was the main point in this

"I said I'd be a better girlfriend for Y/N" said Gwen

Pavitr gasped and covered his mouth dramatically "No you didn't".

Maybe Miles was just obsessed, but he saw in you strength, inspiration, power. And he felt oddly comforted, safe, loved by fantasizing with you, and as slim as the possibility may be, he likes to tell himself you two are together in another universe. ♡

[smok3inm1rrors]

I was tagged by @igotsnothing over two weeks ago whoops. I saw it went “I should do that” then completely forgot about it. But better late than never!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Either death by satellite from TS2 or the skydiving one from TS1, entirely because of the “Whee!” at the end of it.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? A mix of the two.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? I usually don’t even notice when they gain weight.

4. Do you use move objects? Yes.

5. Favorite mod?. Aside from MCC + UI Cheats it’s between Language Barriers by Frankk, RPO and Talents and Weaknesses by Lumpinou.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? Get To Work

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?  aLIVE

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Kathleen “Kit” Jones (Her name inspired from that "Kitchenaid Whiskey Jones" tweet). She's been around in some form as an OC since 2016.

She is also the sim in my pfp.

I want to do some gameplay/story hybrid with her (and other sims of my own) but that would mean...playing the game and not just using it as a substitute for drawing...

9. Have you made a simself? Back in 2016/7. Probably never again.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? TS3 traits because I like them better. Adventurous, Love the Outdoors, Brooding, Unlucky, and Artistic.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? The color wheel. Dark Brown.

12. Favorite EA hair? This one from Get to Work.

13. Favorite life stage? YA. The only life stage.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? I liked building in TS2/3 but could never get into it in 4. 

15. Are you a CC creator? I’ve done poses and recolors. I’m currently doing the “Fuck around, Find out” method of learning meshing. I should probably watch a tutorial.

I also know Python (Studied C.S in uni, which means fuck all really) and have confidence that I’ve used enough HTML to figure out XML, so destroying the game from the inside out is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I have ideas that range from adding “Wish for a baby with…” and “Wish for Pregnancy/Wish for Pregnancy with…” to the Wishing Well for all your magical conception needs and story plot purposes, to figuring out how to add a whole “Spirit of the Wishing Well” NPC for also story plot purposes, to straight up overhauling spellcaster's alchemy to be more like TS3 alchemy.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? Nope. I’m not introverted, shy, or socially awkward (socially incompetent maybe), I’m just bad at using social media hah.

17. What’s your favorite game? Right now it’s Breath of the Wild. I like bullying the guardians for fun.

18. Do you have any sims merch? Nah.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I used to try and be more story focused when the game first came out. I’m one of those TS2 Wants/Fears dictate the game players and while you can do that in TS4, it’s not as satisfying. Now I play it as an unholy mix of "Soap Opera Simulator 2014" and "How far can I take min/maxing the sims" .

21. What’s your Origin ID? I don't have anything of interest on there.

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? 

sforzcc, Peacemaker, awingedllama, Sentate, Rusty, Johnnysims, simstrouble

It’s not cc but florwalsims and windbrook for their builds/saves as like many of you, I’m tired of playing in suburbia.

23. How long have you had a simblr? Not long, I lurked awhile before posting though..."awhile" being a year.

24. How do you edit your pictures? I use Clip Studio Paint. I’m too lazy to *ahem* photoshop and I have it for drawing purposes anyways. 

Usually it’s just using different blending modes (multiply, overlay, soft light, glow dodge my beloved) and special effect brushes.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? 

Expansion: Get Together. I’ve used the club functionality in nearly every save I’ve played.

Game Pack: Vampires, Realm of Magic, Werewolves. Not because they’re particularly good but because I’m a sucker for occults.

Stuff Pack: Paranormal. Again occults, but this one also has an acceptable amount of gameplay in it. I’m surprised they didn’t try to pawn it off as a game pack. 

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I'll get Growing Together when it's 50% off. However if before then EA gets too goofy with what remains of TS4, (TS5 is going to be ""free"" to play, it's already fucked.) I'll probably just you know what the rest of the game. EDIT: I wrote this last night. After seeing that job opening for the marketing position on Project Rene...haha yeah. Shit's depressing.

I tag: your mom

[ribbitdeltarune]

the post like i said. its been 2 days later (maybe a bit more. im a bit late at this point..) But! 14 of november! My birthday !!! :p didnt do anything for myself but i did spend some (more like a ton) time with friends

so ahead will just be rambling . read if u want

Alriiight so. i am. Dead. i dont post very often . Thats bcuz i dont actually have a active online presence when it comes 2 posting lol this is sorta my first time . however i did post a few times on twitter before and got a decent following but that was basically never anyway . Thank you all for (checks notes) 19 followers! That. is a first actually

however i also kinda have 2 apologize since i dont post a lot which makes this account.. uh, semi-inactive? shrug. as i did mention before in a prev post i am holding back a lotta stuff that i havent posted yet . oops! i personally dont like posting irl photos because 1) i am actually dogwater at taking photos, 3) my camera quality sucks and 2) i dont actually draw on A4 paper very often or like notebook paper at all lol. (its this small one thats more like a notebook to write stuff down stuff you gotta remember, an agenda or whatever. not like i care i use it to draw anyway. it aint got lines its just full white paper (sometimes colored depending on the one i buy) so its for drawing in my view.) but the bad thing is most drawings i made of ribbit so far are... On Paper.

Now. I can just upload them as is but i dont like doing that . i can also just make them digital drawings but if you think im capable of doing that without immediately doing something else you may be wrong

Speaking of thats mostly why this acc is also semi-inactive . whenever i DO draw digitally im probably also doing another thing at the same time so i get distracted and then get stuck on doing something else completely and forget i have to draw!!! Oopsies. im also bad at executing things (''man im gonna draw ribbit right now'' (doesnt do it) (its also a 50/50 if i actually do it or not)) so thats part of it. do i Think posting and/or drawing ribbit stuff is a chore? Not really. i actually like drawing stuff 4 this fandom and im attached 2 the characters + the mod anyway so its not like im gonna stop This soon . not even a year in yet!

I also have a lot of ideas so i hop between 'em a lot (i have so many animations/animatics in mind but guess who cant animate and also drawing frames take longer than just drawing sighs)... thats why most posts on here is just doodles so far .

to be fair though i have been in a . Uh. I guess fine. Maybe a bit bad headspace as of a few weeks now so i havent really gotten the urge/want to post rn and who knows how long that'll take to go away anyway. thinking of trying 2 get sum stuff finished and then queueing a few posts just so i can get some brainworms out of ma head . and Who Knows if i'll really do that. Future Is Mystery!

Oh and to add i still need to finish or get to like maybe the 5th chapter for a fic im working on rn so theres that too. im still on chapter 4 (progress is fine. i think ill rewrite the dream segment?) and then i will Hopefully get 2 work on chapter 5. god bless being unable to execute things AND to spice it up focus on things (sarcasm)

i am however kinda busy these days. Schoolnstuff. I get in drawing moods a lot (literally everyday bro i dont get burnt out easily or get demotivated that much bc i just finish it eventually anyway) but i need to pass math to pass the year itself so maybe no art posts until thats done. i might post every now and then though. Speaking of posting! Did you know VeeReMia is actually a pun on viremia which is, ''a medical term for viruses present in the bloodstream''. vee came first as part of the instrumental theme, and then maxine added the other syllables. Fun isnt it (i cant stop thinking about it now)

Thanks for reading . I think thats all. Maybe. Shrug.

Also current pfp is placeholder i also need 2 make one BANGS FISTS ON TABLE REPEATEDLY

[10dance]

Oh my goodness... I really have no words for this chapter other than more screaming, but I'll try to organize my thoughts! It's been more than a week since this chapter came out but I still can't believe it happened. It feels like a dream.

First, the thought that Sugiki got over his obsessive desire to monopolize Suzuki by realizing "they can't dance together if they become one" is kinda funny even if that's not true. I'm glad that he reached this conclusion, though. Good for him! Sugiki had a lot of highlights in these short 15 pages (including the ending), but one I really liked was "You'll do anything? You can't breathe without me?" It's almost a little taunting in a way. And then Suzuki blushes and says Sugiki's the only one... His expression speaks volumes. The slightly scrunched eyebrows, as if saying after all those months of agonizing over these feelings and this relationship, it's still him. God, my heart. Inoue is just so good at drawing detailed expressions that just say so much without dialogue!

Sugiki thought they could kiss right then, but Suzuki had to come clean... I have been wondering how this moment was going to go down for so long, probably years at this point since Suzuki started hooking up with Norman. We always knew Sugiki can be ridiculous at times but it really peaked here. I think he has good reason to, though, considering just a few minutes ago he thought he was going to be rejected again by the man he loves, no wonder he's short-circuiting...

This interrogation scene made me laugh so hard when I saw it first the first time! Sugiki confidently assuming that he meant Fabio, and then imagining Saichi only donning a cute apron... Are you sure you're not the one attracted to him, Sugiki? But then Suzuki dropped the bomb, and Sugiki would have never guessed it in a million years, I feel so bad for him. Is it kind of weird to ask how many times they had sex? Yes, but I think it's also kind of reasonable? Especially when Suzuki's answer of "Uhhh... I don't remember..." made it so much funnier. That's the worst answer you can give!! Sugiki then says he'll go fuck Norman for a while as well, that's going down in the top most ridiculous Sugiki moments of all time. Though I won't lie, ex-rivals/friends/one-side-is-still-holding-a-grudge is a nice BL dynamic...

Suzuki, pulling his collar, got Sugiki to turn around and we finally see Sugiki crying for the first time in the story. Such a vulnerable and intimate moment between the two but there's also so many eyes on them. I'm scared that someone might've taken a video or something, but I think that's unlikely.

Sugiki crying and asking Suzuki to make him his only is so... ah, it just tugs on my heartstrings! He looks so submissive and breedable pathetic, and I love pathetic men especially if they don't do this often. Jokes aside, I read Sugiki's crying as not being able to contain all of his emotions and ending up a sobbing mess (hugs him). He might be jealous in that moment (I'm calling it now that Inoue will use it as a gag), but it felt more like he was just focused on Suzuki to only belong to him from this moment on rather than anything else. And we know the answer is yes B)! Their kiss is my current discord pfp because of how glorious it is.

After most updates I am always dying while waiting for the next one, but this time I can die happy knowing they are finally together. It was truly a cathartic reading experience when it first came out. Of course, we are getting ever closer to the Ten Dance Championship, but for now I'm just glad these two idiots worked it out after 13 years of publication!

10 Dance - chapter 42, part 2 summary

Suzuki has asked for Sugiki to be his. How will he respond, and where will the two end up after Suzuki makes a shocking confession?

Full summary and highlight images under the cut.

Chapter 42, part 2: 好きにならずにはいられない (Can't Help Falling in Love)

Published online on October 4th, 2024, available to purchase on Comic Days, or rent for 10 days on Yanmaga.

The scene continues from last time, where the Shinyas started a conversation on the busy sidewalk in front of Sugiki's studio and Suzuki asked for Sugiki to be his. Suzuki states that both of them are worse off being apart from each other. Sugiki responds to Suzuki's earlier offer to become the same person, saying that they won't be able to dance together if that happens. He asks if by wanting him to be his that Suzuki means for Sugiki to become his possession. Suzuki starts to protest, but Sugiki asks if not being with him makes it feel like he can't breathe. Suzuki says that's correct, and that Sugiki is the only one who makes him feel that way. Sugiki smiles and says that it's the same for him, grabbing Suzuki's shirt and pulling him closer, poised to kiss him.

Suzuki stops him and tells him to wait. Sugiki looks annoyed and wonders why, and Suzuki starts to sweat as he confesses that he had a relationship with another man. Sugiki menacingly asks if he could repeat that, and Suzuki quickly and quietly mutters that he had sex with another guy. Sugiki claims he already knew that, making Suzuki wonder how he found out. Sugiki guesses that it was Fabio, since he saw the video Fabio posted of them kissing on social media. Suzuki brushes that off, and Sugiki then speculates that he got seduced by his "indecent housekeeper", picturing Saichi wearing nothing but a frilly apron. Suzuki denies that, and Sugiki asks who it could have been. Suzuki takes a deep breath and says that it was Norman, which leaves Sugiki shocked. He asks if it happened just one time, and Suzuki admits that it went on for a while. Sugiki wants to know how many times, but Suzuki says he doesn't remember. Sugiki quickly turns to walk away, saying he's also going to go sleep with Norman for a while. Suzuki is confused as to why he'd do that, saying that's not what being the same person as him should mean. Sugiki determinedly says he's going to become even more like Suzuki than Suzuki himself is. Suzuki asks if Sugiki even knows what he's saying, reaching out to turn him back around. He's shocked to discover that Sugiki has tears streaming down his face.

Sugiki slumps and puts his head against his chest, telling Suzuki to make him his one and only possession. Suzuki smiles, and the two hold each other and share a kiss.

Previous chapter: #42 part 1

Next chapter: There is currently no information on the next release date.

[parvulous-writings]

Stars //Sith!Obi-Wan x Pregnant!Reader

Request:   Heya! First of all, I just want to say, wow!!! I loved wvry word of the Vader x Reader you did, and reading your notes, I really don't mind it as an AU! I've never really read anything to do with Sith Obi-Wan before, though to be fair I only just got into Star Wars again 😅 This isn't really a request, but from what I can see from your posts, you seem to really like Obi-Wan, well, Ewan Mcgregor in general 😂I wanted to ask if you could write another x Reader, but this time a Sith Obi-Wan AU?Thanks for reading! -Red ❤ p.s, @rey-is-not-a-skywalker, you're welcome for requesting the sith x reader, I guess you're obsessed as I am 😂 p.s the second, I'm loving the new pfp!

Requested by: ​Red

Summary: The reader has some news for Sith Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: The reader is AFAB, pregnancy

Words: 1.7K

Notes: You would be correct in assuming I love Obi-Wan and Ewan McGregor as a whole. Also I’m glad you like the new pfp! I am also in love with it! :)  Did I self indulge with this oneshot? I think you know the answer. Leave me alone, I am too much of a simp at this point.  I have never been pregnant, so some of this may be inaccurate. 

Not my gif

An old Jedi’s fall from grace was a never a pretty sight to see, it was no glorious tale to tell from any side. It was full of hurt, pain, hatred, suffering. This was more than true for the fallen Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. His downfall was the least expected out of those who turned away from the light, he had always been the most loyal of men, the most faithful of soldiers.  Perhaps, in part at least, this was what drove him away from his original allegiance. He was an exceptional leader of course, the most fantastic of generals, but besides that, in the larger picture, to the Jedi Order as a whole he was nothing more than a faceless defender of the galaxy. Just another of the tens of thousands Jedi.  Another factor that led to the man’s path to the dark side, was you. What you made him feel. The passion, the love. An indescribable feeling, all he could say about it was that it was truly wonderful. He did not mind the fear, or the hatred that came with it, for you made it all worth it. The massive highs compared to the lows outweighed them greatly, and thus he gave it all for and to you. His passion, his loyalty, his love. Everything he had, every fiber of his being, he gave it all to you. If he could turn the worlds on theirs heads, and you gave the word, he’d do it. 

You had initially been shocked at the man’s sudden change of life-plans and of loyalty. Though, the more you thought about it, the more you began to convince yourself, perhaps he had made the right choice. He wasn’t so uptight in regards to public affection now- he’d often smother you with kisses in front of company, or hold your arm or hand as you wander about in cities or halls. Despite the Sith being the darker beings of the Force, the life you now lived was almost... Peaceful. After a while, you very much enjoyed it. There weren’t so many rules now, and you both felt free.  Though, not everything about your new life was free or peaceful. There were times that Obi-Wan was pulled away from you much like in the way he was during the times of the Republic and the Jedi Order. He’d be wrenched from your embrace for weeks or months at a time, and the holocom conversations you shared were not the same as actual conversations. The comforting presence you both gave to one another were missing, and it was painfully obvious to the pair of you. 

One particular night, whilst Obi-Wan had been away, you were staring out at the stars- each of them twinkling from their position on the blanket of the night from their positions thousands of light-years away. They fascinated you every night, though you knew some of the planetary systems by name and had visited a few yourself, you couldn’t help but imagine what could be hiding away on them,  what could be awaiting discovery. They also distracted you from something plaguing your mind on this particular night, something you needed to get off of your chest. It had been bothering you more and more over the last few days, ever since you had made the discovery. 

You are brought from your train of thought by the bleeping of your comm. You move leisurely to answer it, there was only one person who could be calling you at this time of night, but you knew he wouldn’t mind you taking a moment longer than usual. You answer your lover’s call, and a murmur on the other end of the line hushes- he must have been talking to someone as he awaited your answer. “Ah, my beloved.. I thought you had fallen asleep.” He mused quietly, his smug expression clear even through the blue hologram, and you can’t help but chuckle at him.  “No. I was looking out at the stars,” You tell him, plainly. Sunsets and night skies held a special place in both of your hearts; you had spent many nights on Coruscant looking out at them, telling each other the wishes you had made on shooting stars that you rarely saw. You heard Obi-Wan sighed quietly. He knew your habits when he was away, and what they meant. “I should be returning soon, my dear.” He assured you, lowering his voice to nothing more than a whisper. “I am trying to get this done, you know, but it’s not as easy as-”  “I know, I know.” You cut him off, wrapping your arms around yourself, looking down at the floor. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Obi-Wan’s brows furrows, clearly he’s noticed your odd behaviour. 

“Something’s bothering you.” Obi-Wan notes, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his long robe. “Tell me,” He demanded. Though his tone was soft, it was still very much a command. You start to shake your head at him.  “I would rather not... Not over the comm.” You start, looking over to his projection. He looks even more concerned than before- partially because you disobeyed an order from him, and partially because you were willingly withholding information from him. You never did either of those things, not with him. You were both in balance, and trusted each other completely. He knew this had to be incredibly serious for you to say something like this.  “Then I shall return immediately.” He no longer cared for his assignment; he would much prefer that he knew you were safe and out of harm’s way. You start to shake your head more frantically.  “No, Kenobi- you must finish the task the Emperor has given you, he-”  “Can wait.” Obi-Wan finished abruptly. You could tell from the way he stood and held himself- chest out, shoulders back, spine rigid and straight-  that he could not be swayed on this. “He can wait.” He repeated, wanting the words to sink in, for you more than himself. “I will be returning, whether you agree with me or not. I will be back by the morning.” And with that, those final harsh words, he ended the call. You sighed quietly, running your hands over your face in exasperation and stress. You hadn’t wanted to pull your lover away from the mission he had been given, you had wanted to wait just a few more days till he returned as had been planned. You sighed deeply, moving away from the comm, heading towards bed as you strip off your clothes.  You nestle under the covers, wrapping your arms around yourself for some comfort. 

By morning, you were well rested. As your eyes started to crack and flutter open, you became acutely aware of the arm around your waist, and the head buried into the back of your neck. You shuffle slightly to look over your shoulder, smiling slightly at the peaceful expression on the face of the sleeping man behind you. By rights, you didn’t even have to turn over to know that it was Obi-Wan, you knew the feel of his aura and his touch. Still, it provided a sense of comfort, knowing with more certainty that it was him. You shuffle round to face him fully, brushing some of his auburn locks away from his closed eyes. His nose scrunches ever so slightly at the contact; and he too starts to wake up. It’s a slow process for him, and always had been. Even during his time serving the Order; though your mornings together were few and far between, you had noticed this little pattern of his. His eyes crack open like yours had done, and a drowsy smile moves over his lips.  “Good morning, darling...” He yawned softly, before pressing a gentle kiss to your jaw. “You look stunning...” He told you, his lips still pressed against your skin as he gave you the compliment- no doubt the first of many that morning.  “You flatter me, Obi..” You murmur in reply, and presses kiss after feather-light kiss over your jaw and neck.  “I speak only the truth for you, my love...” He trailed off for a moment, as he started to push himself up onto his elbows. “Now... Onto business...” He mused, “You still need to tell me what’s bothering you.” He pointed out, and he was right, as he often was. “So, I would start talking, my dear.” 

Though his demeanour is playful, you know you shouldn’t argue this time around. You sit up, leaning against your pillows as your try to think of how to start talking about your recent discovery- despite it’s wonderful connotations, it was not as easy as one might think. “Obi...” You begin.  “Darling.” He replied, hardly missing a beat.  “I have some... Rather pleasing news.” He nods, prompting you to continue. “You... Are going to be a father.”  It takes him a moment to actually register your words, for their meaning to sink in. He practically tackles you back into the bed when it clicks somewhere in his mind, the widest smile on his face. He’s laughing breathlessly, hardly able to believe the news or contain his excitement because of it.  “Is it so?” He asked, his hand splaying over your stomach as he spoke. “My, my...” He mumbled- and it was moments like this that showed how much he had changed from his old ways. Had you given such news to him whilst he was still a Jedi- he would have panicked at first, asked if you wished to keep the child, and if you had done he would have likely asked you to leave to a slightly more rural planetary system. He had no fear now, and so didn’t need to ask you. He accepts it with ease in these times, and is more than happy to receive such news.  He had no fear in rearing a child now, so long as you wished for it too. He paused as this thought washed over him, then gave you a curious look. “Are we... Keeping the child?” He asked, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.  “I think we could be wonderful parents... If you’re not away so much.” You poke your finger into his chest.  “Alright... I will discuss it...” He mused, resting his head near you abdomen, gazing at it in wonder. He could hardly believe that your child- the fruits of both of you- was growing there, and he was more than just excited to meet his child. He pulled you close again, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances as the morning wound on, till you eventually fell asleep again in his arms, comforted by his presence. 

[blueheavensims]

Check-in tag

I was tagged by @gphoenixsims.! Thank you kindly.

• Why did you choose your url?

So, way way back in the late ‘00s, I was still on Sim Trek 2 Boldy Go (RIP), and creating my first Sims 2 Story, Blue Heaven Sims. I wanted to extract a few of the Sims to share, and so I made a new home for them, originally a Blogspot blog called Blue Heaven Sims. It seemed appropriate, and as I created more, unrelated content and Sim Trek 2 was soon shuttered, I needed a home for it all. The name had what the kids these days call “brand recognition”, and since it wasn’t broke, I didn’t fix it. I created a tumblr account for personal stuff I think around 2014, but never used it (this is my primary) and created the secondary account to promote my work and that of other Sims 2 creators.

• How long have you been on tumblr?

Since August of 2018. I came to the party late. Right before the Tumblrpocalapyse, in fact.

 • Do you have a queue tag?

No.

• Why did you start your blog in the first place?

More visibility. I try to keep an eye on which types of the content I create are popular, which get more downloads, and so on. Publishing updates on Sims Cave wasn’t really pulling in the new visits to my blogs, so decided to try this new site that all the kids were talking about.

• Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It’s me chilling with Ophelia, my tortoiseshell goddess.

• Why did you choose your header?

I didn’t.

• What’s your post with the most notes?

I had to research it, because my memory’s a bit cloudy. It’s the Comfort Me Too posebox, with 148 notes. The note thing can be super deceptive, honestly. Typically, my original creations garner around 20-30 notes, whereas derivative content (bodyshape conversions of other creators’ outfits, reposes of janky poseboxes, etc.) tend to do much better. The vast majority of my content is niche, typically made for one specific genre of game (the Midnight at… series, Combate Moderno, Merrie Minstrels, Barbarians at the Gate, etc.) whereas the content that seems to be really popular is 4t2 clothing conversions and Maxis Match hair recolors where one creator’s post is almost indistinguishable from the next.

 • How many mutuals do you have?

Probably fewer than I should, honestly. I have a few people who I engage with frequently and I care a great deal for; they know who they are.

• How many followers do you have?

600 and some change. Tumblr nerfed a bunch of bot and inactive followers recently, but I’m slowly approaching 650 again.

 • How many people do you follow?

251. I only follow Sims 2 blogs.

• Have you ever made a shitpost?

No.

• How often do you use tumblr each day?

I check it a few times a day. I post content 2-4 times a week, and occasionally make reply posts, comment on friends’ posts or rant.

• Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

A few. I have a reputation (deserved or not) of not putting up with anyone else’s bullshit. I had, not exactly a fight, but a disagreement with MDP a while ago. I don’t remember exactly what it was about. Probably not of very much consequence. There was the time I stood up for Nobe (devotedlyghostlyenemy) when someone called her a bunch of names for converting a teen crop top to for children. Yes, there are still people like that on tumblr.

I have a PM of telling Klira to pound sand after she PM’d me to ask me not to remake her janky poseboxes. I have the screenshot saved to my desktop.

I had a funny exchange with the “underwear anon” a few months back; I’m pretty sure that I got the better end of that one.

I’ve jumped into a couple of pissing matches about Patreon content creators for TS2 having their content redistributed and that Brazilian site that was redistributing free content, I had a few things to say during the discussion about Cindy/PleasantSims’ Discord, and I’ve called out a few people who were bullying other creators. 

But Tumblr is the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been active in the community (not just tumblr) for 15 years now, and for better or worse I’ve interacted with a lot of people. For a complete history of me not putting up with other peoples’ bullshit, THIS post is worth reading (sorry; it hasn’t been updated with the latest crap about the Sims Crafters Discord yet: I’m working on it).

• How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

The only correct answer is “No the fuck I don’t.”

• Do you like tag games?

Yeah. It depends on the tag game, really, but most of the time they’re fun and I’m happy when my friends tag me.

• Do you like ask games?

Yes. I don’t get a whole lot of asks, but I’m happy to respond when I receive them.

• Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I try not to compare my work to the “big names”; obviously they’ve been here longer, create more mainstream content, and have much more ample follower bases. Without access to the follower counts of every single mutual I have, I’d be hard-pressed to provide a response.

• Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I’m a boring old married person. I don’t have crushes.

Tagging: I think most of the folks I follow have already gone. Ummm… @nixedsims​, @criminalmiik​, @iamg-knee​ maybe? If it’s not your thing, I’ll happily fuck off.

[usermaha]

i wasn’t tagged but can i join pls i liked the questions

why did you choose your url?

i thought this wouldn’t be taken lol. also im a sensitive person, and some people in my life don’t seem to get the message, so this is to smite them on a blog that they dont know exists ha that will show them

any side blogs?

no :) this was initially a writeblr and i had another url for simping after taylor, but i couldn’t keep track of them. so heck, whatever i wanna do on tumblr, i’ll do on this blog. my followers can die mad (i was joking thank ya’ll so much)

how long have you been on tumblr?

i used to open tumblr and look around taylor tags since, like, 2015, but only started actively running this blog in 2021 when evermore came out

do you have a queue tag?

no :)) again we do what we like (TWICE, Eyes Wide Open, Track 4), i’ll have five text posts in one day if i have a lot to say, then nothing for a week, maybe reblogs

why did you start your blog in the first place?

evermore came out and i just had a lot to say 

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i found it on pinterest and i knew, the red vibes. the picture evokes so much without having a face in it!! the gorgeous beige toned background!! the contemplation, the melancholy i feel when i listen to the album

why did you choose your header?

vintage record store very red vibes, i think it matches the pfp really well

what’s your post with the most notes?

how many followers do you have?

43!! 🥰 blessed. 

how many people do you follow?

35

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

there’s this overwhelming wave of political discourse, while im glad these things are finally being said, being in a position where i can’t do much about things, it takes a toll on my energy. so i try to read and understand the posts to be educated but avoid reblogging, unless i find the links or information to be genuinely helpful to other people

do you like tag games?

not that much

do you like ask games?

yesss! i wanted to do a red one i found but noone sent anything :( i think ill do it anyway

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

nope we are all hustling in the swiftie community, but yeah they’re all more deservedly more ‘successful’ than me

 do you have a crush on a mutual?

@discoball13 gives me notes on my posts i notice it boo and thank you!!

ill tag all my mutuals, i love all of you: @13cloverblooms, @xcleanx, @kissesonswifts, @discoball13, @tanglledupwithyouallnight also @andysambrg​ reeshika my tumblr bestie

[shrimpathizer]

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? not a clue. i came up withe the phrase a while back and now its my thing. i like shrimp but i honestly didnt have any strong opinions on them before getting the url.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. @noodlecankilljod for tlt posting. @a-nice-place shared w tiger and bear for happy and nice thinggs when youre sad. @consonant-counter bc i wanted to run a gimmick (also co-run). @souroboruoss to post my og art since my seperate acc got nixed by google :(

3. how long have you been on tumblr? like since. uh. fall of 2021. i think.

4. do you have a queue tag? most of the time its #queue btw but sometimes i dont bother. like the pizza pasta post i queued till september.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? tbh i was one of the pinterest girlies or whatever whose pinterest was essentially just tumblr posts and i figured why not.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? i found a duo set of icons in a post and sent it to tiger to share. then we found the og vid it came from and sent to bear and fish so they could also join. (yes im aware we are all animals. that was not intentional)

7. why did you choose your header? skixjsk ummm. i saw it once and i feel like it comes up every other week at least (in my kinds of convos) and i think its hilarious. i really wanna print it out and make it like a card that i can just pull out whenever relevant.

8. what’s your post with the most notes? my current posts georg is probably this post. (a dr who post). my highest posts georg though is from my art blog and its the ace explosion i believe.

9. how many mutuals do you have? honestly maybe around fifty (idk how :0). i interact or have interacted with most of them, but talk to about ten the most (i wish i talked to the others more)

10. how many followers do you have? uhh. 102? i believe.

11. how many people do you follow? 413.

12. have you ever made a shitpost? i have made a couple. my favorite one (off the top of my head) is the one about white people being the systematic problem. :) im very proud of it. though im not too great at shitposts

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? honestly. more than i should. idk how long though and i dont want to check .

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? no. i dont really get into arguments. (i dont start them and im not popular enough to have people just come up to me angry)

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts i think that those additions are unecessary. it just makes me feel bad. yes i know its important. however i dont want to and i dont like being made to believe that im a bad person for simply not wanting to reblog some random post on a social media website. its usually not that big of a deal. let me make my own choices without shoving them on me. it just makes me less likely to interact with that post.

16. do you like tag games? i think theyre fun. some times i dont have a lot to say but i like talking to people and learning about people. and i think its an interesting way that tumblr has cultivated to connect with each other especially in such a time of isolation on social media.

17. do you like ask games? yes! i love ask games. sadly i never really get asks from the ask games but i wish. theyre cool and another fun way to interact with people. the ones that say "if you get this you have to send this to 10 other people" or smth similar annoy me though. in the same vein as the posts about "you need to reblog this." i am doing this in my free time i dont need to be doing anything.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? definitely @godmodebeginswithlesbians i have no idea how i scored such a famous mutual and i always forget cuz i see her in my notifs a lot. but yeah. Hi link ily you are very cool (also a little intimidating)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope but theyre very cool and i really want to be friends with them but idk how to talk to them besides asking a bunch of...mundande questions (ive resorted to asking what their favorite dish was that theyve had recently)

20. what is the last song you listened to? ...the good omens theme. its on my everything playlist for some reason and i had it on shuffle.

21. what are you currently watching? uhh. i started Make Some Noise cuz i liked those episodes of game changer the best. and its very fun i would definitely recommend.

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? sweet or savory. i sadly have a very low spice tolerance.

23. what is your current relationship status? single and id like it to stay that way (aro)

24. what is your current obsession? uhh. circus? adhd? im not sure. i havent had an actual obsession in a long while. i dont have that many emotions so its hard to get excited about things. i end up having to find people/friends who are excited about things i like so they can freak out about it and i can then be excited through them.

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

The Show Must Go On by Queen (yeag. feelings from the freddie mercury post about this song)

Good Luck Babe by Chapell Roan (i dont know her music but id seen a lot about her and ppl liking her so i tried and so far this is the main one that i like. i dont have any strong opinions)

Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar (awesome. im a bit late but thats per usual)

Withdrawl by Max Frost (my dad played this when we were working on a puzzle and i liked it)

From Eden by Hozier (i really want to write an essay about this. like. the lyrics. the music. And I know both music theory and literary theory. so yeah. but im busy and dont even know where i would start with that. but this song makes me insane i love it)

Giant by Django Django (the piano part is very interesting to me. specifically because its so simple)

Csikos Post by Czech Philharmonic String Quartet composed by Hermann Necke (@littlemissmedicalmalpractice i noticed there were two songs that i believe were from my playlists. hmm)

Country Song by Seether (i found it from a post and link said it was cool and also it was the music video and someone captioned it smth like "this is exactly how little kids play")

Oh No! by Marina (not really any comment for this one)

26. tagging (no pressure <3) ehm. @eepybubble @cloudydays69 @gayfraggle @winggy-wanggy-doobledoo @/ anyone who wants to

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

(thank you for the tag @lianhuajing !!)

1. why did you choose your url? uh. it was a play on "rose tinted glasses"

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. nope!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? I think 2022? i knew about it before, just never bothered to make a blog

4. do you have a queue tag? don't kill me, what's a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I had some Thoughts about Blue Lock and wanted to post meta for it

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? uhh Flora.

7. why did you choose your header? Reo is one of my Blorbos and I just really liked that panel of him

8. what’s your post with the most notes? probably the "do you download fics" poll

9. how many mutuals do you have? about 20? i don't remember

10. how many followers do you have? 120?

11. how many people do you follow? 91

12. have you ever made a shitpost? yes. i think.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? an hour?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nope

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts meh. some of them are funny i guess

16. do you like tag games? yep! it's nice interaction

17. do you like ask games? i do! but uh. it's a silent empty void here. an echo chamber, if you will.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea but i see @kingsandbastardz a lot in the mlc community

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope

20. what is the last song you listened to? 若梦 by 周深

21. what are you currently watching? i just finished The Double! probably starting on Dashing Youth next

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? savoury!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? The Double,,,,

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

若梦 by 周深

如故 by 张碧晨

如初 by 张碧晨

借过一下 by 周深

万物不如你 by 张杰

Our dawn is hotter than day by Seventeen

Hitorijana by Seventeen

my music taste is kinda...i tend to stick to a few artists...

26. tagging (no obligation to do this!) @randomingoftherandomness @good-vs-evo @chrysofightme @bbcphile

[iamanartichoke]

Ah this came up at the perfect time for when I wanted to post something but not put too much thought into it; thanks for the tag @thelightofthingshopedfor!

1. Why did you choose your URL? It comes from a YA book that was one of my favorites as a kid, although why I latched onto that particular book for a url, I couldn't tell you. After a few years, though, artichoke has now become part of my identity and I do like to think I have many layers, so ... there we are.

2. Any side blogs? @charlotte--lennox is my personal journal side blog that I constantly forget that I have, lmao. I haven't updated it in months, but for better or for worse, it's still there.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? On fandom tumblr, since 2018. On tumblr in general, I had a few blogs sporadically since like 2008.

4. Do you have a queue tag? Theoretically I do, but I don't have a queue lmao. I keep feeling like I should fill the queue up and put it to use again, but, idk something about it makes me feel a bit merpy.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? To participate in the Loki fandom and also to promote my fanfic.

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp? Bc I love Chloe Bennett and low-key want to be her, and the ace flag background bc I enjoy being "out and proud" as ace on tumblr, since I'm not out anywhere else, heh.

7. Why did you choose your header? Because I made it when I was playing around in Photopea and it turned out kinda good, so I figured I'd use it. I only changed it recently; it was the cover art for Stars Hide Your Fires for months and months, which I loved bc Thor and Loki are so pretty and SHYF is, I think, ultimately my favorite fic I've written.

8. What’s your post with the most notes? My post+ post, lmao. I haven't looked at it in awhile but the last time I checked it was at like 77k. Relatedly, it's really funny how we all flipped out over post+ and then never heard anything else about it again; not sure if tumblr decided to kill it or not, but I do like to think that, if they did, my post (and all the lawyers who commented that I was right) had something to do with it. The headache of my notifications being held hostage for a few weeks should have accomplished something.

9. How many mutuals do you have? I have no idea - maybe like 12? Nah I'm sure it's more than that but I honestly don't know and wouldn't even know how to check.

10. How many followers do you have? I am up to 1730, which I feel really badly about, bc I did my follower celebration call for prompts at 1605 or something and since then I have gained followers and only filled three prompts so, yknow, not a great look. That being said, I'm also pretty sure a decent number of those followers are porn bots or inactive or otherwise blank.

11. How many people do you follow? 178, apparently, which feels like a lot.

12. Have you ever made a shit post? I constantly make shit posts, to varying degrees of success.

13. How often do you use tumblr? Every day; even if I don't post that day, I usually check in a couple of times to at least look at my notifs and a couple of dash pages. It's literally addictive.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Well yeah, I know I've gotten into it with people over wanky things; I do try not to be antagonistic if I can help it but, that said, sometimes it can't be helped. I've also had falling outs with people over who knows what (really, I don't know), and then there's the many people who've preemptively blocked me for one reason or another. So, yeah, I'm hardly popular around these parts lmao.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts? Generally the fastest way to get me to not reblog something is to include some "reblog this right now, I don't care if it fits your blog or not, this is important" note, like, well I probably would have reblogged it but now I'm not going to.

16. Do you like tag games? I do, generally, but sometimes I'm tagged in things I don't really care to participate in (but I appreciate the tag!) and other times I'm tagged and I just completely forget to respond to it, so it probably seems like I don't like them, womp womp.

17. Do you like ask games? I kinda love them, but the last several I've posted haven't gotten any interaction (which is sad bc I used to get at least a few responses, and who are you 1730 followers, anyway?) so I'm less inclined to post them these days.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I don't think anyone? I mean, I guess it depends on how you define tumblr-famous, though. When I think of tumblr-famous, I think of like, biggest-gaudiest-patronuses and vampireapologist and, like, badjokesbyjeff - those accounts that everyone knows. But then within fandom, there are some blogs that are more well-known than others, and I think at least a few of my mutuals are fairly well-known in the Loki fandom. Ymmv, though.

Tagging @gia-selene-baczewska, @izhunny, @bardicious, @eisenvulcanstein, @scintillatingshortgirl19, @epona610, @pennypaperbrain, @pennie-dreadful, @erdediekatze, @lazy-cat-corner, @illwynd, and anyone else who wants to, please consider yourself tagged :D

[zirkkun]

Yo you have every right to be upset about things! You're still a person with your own feelings and deserve to be treated kindly. No one should come at you for making things you enjoy or for misunderstandings. I hope things get better for you even if I wasn't here for when all the drama happened (or maybe I was and just wasn't aware of it? I tend to avoid drama as much as possible tbh)

I didn't really post about it much. I think I answered about 4 asks about it (three of them in the same post because i was sure it was the same anon due to the similar string of seemingly continued messages) and the rest I just deleted as soon as they came in, but I got... A lot. A lot of mean things said too. Kinda hurts when you wanted to make something because you knew this work was highly criticized and wanted to let people give it a second chance only to be shot down by the people you were hoping to defend lol

In short, and a lot of it I missed because I was blocked by a lot of people so my friend sent me screencaps; someone took I believe only the old ask box post I had for ULR, which at the time was called "Underlust Rewrite," and was disgusted at the fact that everything was revamped and "made for kids" (because it's not 18+ explicit content, but as I've said before, it's just cause I'm too scared to be horny on main, and I've literally made a whole different biological system for ULR so I can write the necessary story ""sex scenes"" without it being human-like sex or otherwise uncomfortable or too explicit for me to draw, but I still consider it a mature story overall), so they blocked me instantly here and on twitter and then made a callout post on twitter itself. People were telling me originally to stop calling the AU Underlust, and I didn't really get it at first, because like, what's the difference between my spinoff and, say, Underlust Gold, Swapfell Indigo, TS!Underswap, you know, names that have add-ons from the original title to differentiate it but still connect it to the source. So that's what I said, as well as if I removed the Underlust name, it would be considered stealing to me, because I'd be disconnecting it from the source. But apparently, instead, what had been the concern was that it was just being called "Underlust" and the "Rewrite" aspect was implying I was replacing the original story, which like, had never been my intention and I've made a bunch of things with both the ULR and UL cast together and love the idea of Lust and Ace meeting up and just being a disaster duo of not working together at all. I just adore Underlust like it's in my pinned FAQ, Lust's been in my banner for months now, and he's practically my staple pfp character on every account but here atm.

It took like 3 days for it to actually click what was going on, because once I finally got the chance to have a conversation with someone where they weren't telling me I was the scum of the Earth -- which, honestly, bless the three people I talked to, they were so sweet (which actually included someone from the Japanese side of the fandom whose art I loved too... yeah it got pretty far. Once I sent them a message though it was cleared up quickly and they did post a clarification post about ULR and me, so that was nice to see.) -- I finally got the chance to realize that this was a misunderstanding from the beginning, from both sides, where people coming at me were saying I was doing all of the stuff above and probably more but those stuck the most, while I was confused as to where this information and accusations were coming from and what they were referring to in the first place. They probably never explained it in the anon asks because, well, they probably assumed I knew what I was doing, but when they came at me about something I didn't do with vague context of something I did do, I was very confused, and got really defensive really quickly, and really honestly snapped pretty hard. After my first initial explanation post and people were still trying to tell me to stop ULR/don't call it Underlust/whatever else there was, I just got tired and told people to block me if they didn't like it. But that didn't really stop anyone and honestly made it worse because that's when I started getting really nasty messages. I like... Specifically remember one where someone called me a lowlife and a thief, and that one stuck the most, but I tended to not read through them before deleting them for my own sanity. I actually did this to one of the people who'd later talked to me calmly about it at first too, because I had just woken up, and really didn't want to read an essay lecture on everything everyone's been telling me at the crack of 7am when I was borderline ready to delete my account and start over lol

Some people I do remember were accusing me of trying to censor nsfw content or erase it as well because ULR isn't 18+, and I'm out here on my horny ass like "wh. What are they talking about, where did you get that idea, have you SEEN my ao3 recommended list," /j but in all seriousness I really didn't understand that accusation at all because I've never been against nsfw content in the slightest and lowkey? This is very dumb -- but like, you know how they say when you get hate mail, you know you've made it? Well, for me, my thought has always been, "When there's 18+ fancontent of my OC's, I'll have finally made it." This is... Not a joke, some of my friends think its very weird LMAO oh well. I've been on the internet for far too long at this point -- like, definitely since I was far too young, probably, and being with a family of the next youngest being 12 years older than me, I really dove into stuff pretty quickly I definitely shouldn't have, but hey that's life -- I'm really unfazed by mostly anything now. Hell, me making ULR was honestly half motivated by me wanting to make others more comfortable with this kind of media, discussing sexuality and otherwise sexual-considered topics, without really being embarrassed or bothered by it. Because, people talk about death and killing and whatever other gorey stuff just fine, but the moment sex comes up, people just gasp in awe, y'know? I kind of grew up that way myself but like... ironically, in being more comfortable with my asexuality, I realized that it's honestly not that big of a deal. Sure, we don't need to hear the details of everything. We don't need to hear the details of a murder either. But I will never understand how murder is always the lowest on the "morally wrong list of things to not to" to so many people and that it's fine to mention, but even consider bringing up anything else and it's like, a sin and you're a bad person. Even racism is like, higher up on there for a lot of people, which it's like... this is an issue that needs to be discussed, or it can never be solved. You can't just kick that away and hope it goes away on its own, that's never how it works.

Ah, well, now I've gone off tangent lol. Sorry to make you read a blob of text lmao but having things in a cohesive format of what I've been thinking does feel a bit better. Thank you for the support regardless, and I do want to keep making what I really enjoy, because frankly, I really want to make things that make people take a step back and think for a moment, y'know? Things that invoke like a realization in yourself about something you didn't even know. That's how fiction's always been for me, so I want to give back by making it that way too. ... maybe my horny content is exempt from this however. That's just. Self indulgence LMAO.

Probably helps that I'm actually talking this all out for once, too, since before any of this I tried to keep as much of the situation contained to myself as possible in hopes I could clean it up before it got too bad. That was, in hindsight, probably a terrible idea lol. But I didn't want to be a source of stress for anyone following me or become the new creator-to-defend that like, 50% of people hate and 50% of people love and that you're either on one side or the other and there's no where in between. (I feel like Arin Hanson comes to mind for me every time I think of someone like this.) I know I can't please everyone and I knew internet hate would come eventually, but like, didn't expect it to be over a name or tag choice. I thought that would be a simple enough DM or clearable thing but apparently not, especially since I saw someone a few weeks ago delete their blog over a similar thing (though, the opposite, in a way: posting nsfw in a sfw tag by mistake). It wasn't in the UT fandom so y'all probably weren't following them (tbf I wasn't either, I just witnessed it happen from start to finish), but it was still disheartening.

Anyway, thank you, and sorry to make ya read all of that (if you actually did vahdbs don't blame you if you don't it's a lot of thought dump lmao)💕💕

[chil2de]

hihi this is for my 🥰 anonie you may scroll if u are not them :) or read idk it’s up to you haha

whenever i try responding to your ask tumblr just crashes and decides to not exist, so here’s this instead!! i pulled up google docs and read ur ask line by line and responded that way <3

pls stop ur making me blush HSBFFHBSD

i don’t mind either way baby! if you wanna spam my inbox or if you wanna chat in dms, that’s completely up to you (: i’m totally okay with either i promise, so don’t worry ab it. oh, and! i have a tiktok, though i religiously detest tiktok and absolutely purely hate it and wish for it to burn to the ground, the jjk fandom is extremey funny on there. and the cosplays— AHEM. idk if you’d prefer to talk to me on there so that way your url on tumblr is still unknown to me? even if you want it anyway, just gimme a shout and say its you or sumn. if you don’t have it thats okay <3 but incase you want it, it’s @y_uutaswife and i have the same pfp :)

LMFAO PLEASE this is such a summary of me i hate it- it’s so accurate too? i don’t wanna go up to them… want them to go up to me, but i also don’t because, well, then what…? what do i say LMFAO

and i know right? so sad he didn’t get mentioned more / had more animated scenes. i won’t lie i flew to yuuta like a moth, ever since we got those crumbs of him in the anime i sat there respectfully waiting.. seriously, i’m unsure why but i’ve never felt so invested and compelled by a character in such little time. and even now when i rewatched jujutsu kaisen last week to polish up some of my characters, i sat there like an absolute bumbling idiot just replaying his scenes :( he just looks so cute and soft but i can’t wait for his actual design bc that was him before.

i tried making a schedule once but it just didn’t work so i’m glad i broke out of it. but plssss <3 thank you🥺 no honestly this brought me so much relief and pure serotonin. i think i’ve reread your ask ab 5 times already because you’re genuinely such an angel and it makes my heart wanna explode out of my chest <333 we need more people like you i wish everyone was so mindful and kind hearted like you dear anonie

BUT BESTIE WHEN YOU SAID TEENAGE KEVIN FROM BEN 10- STOP. LMFAO i am so so sorry i could not stop the ugly cackle that ripped out from me, the neighbours must think there’s a witch residing next door

i won’t lie i couldn’t stand watching ben 10 whenever it came up on cartoon network orsmth i just switched the channel and said no maams, not today

i love how times were so simpler as you said it was just you know wholesome fluff wanting to hold hands, etc- but now when we got men like yuuta? toji? OOF

i’ve been watching anime for a little over 3 years now so i’d love to give you some recommendations whenever you do have the time but we once again stan the same characters😭 literally down to a t BAHAHA

flaming hot piping ball of angry ginger aka chuuya nakihara is hands down one of the best characters in bsd <3 i like dazai, i guess, but he’s got the same type of personality as gojo and i think i would honestly get fed up being as an intj, it’s just a no from me

todoroki is one of my all time favs <33 he’s the second anime crush i had, first being levi (of course, i mean. why wouldn't he be?)

before tumblr and gintama i actually wrote a whole fic on ao3 for todoroki, which i think was my first public piece anyway? it’s kind of funny how the reason i got into writing was purely because i got fed up of sifting through ao3 and i went “alright. if no one’s gonna do it, i will.”

ALSO MAAMS YOU’RE FROM ENGLAND TOO???? i know this may not be extremely obvious because i tend to keep my works neutral (i tend to write in the standardised american way save for the main words like, ‘favourite’ ‘colour’ etc because i don’t want people reading things in a british accent… even though mine isn’t very noticeable, it’s just very standard, not chavvy or essex etc, it’s honestly a pet peeve. thats why i use pants, mom, grocery store) and we have freaking nothing, as you already know!! there’s a hmv near me and i was SO excited to see their anime collection just to see it was chock full of mainstreams like one piece, naruto, dbz 😐

but i managed to snatch an aot poster for £3!! and it’s really big too! it’s bigger than a1 so it’s a chunky boy

i don’t plan on wearing the merch outside because i’m just self conscious like that, i don’t hate human interaction and i’m not socially inept but i’d rather not answer mundane questions from people who don’t watch anime… also my waterstones is always sold out 😭 they almost never have any good manga and whenever they do it’s in the middle of the series, like book 7 or something..

yeah they totally have a statue of him! they’re doing a jjk exhibit in general. and at the train station they have cutouts of the characters, they might be to size too? ‘m not sure about the height or anything but i do know that they’re there. there’s also a haikyuu store that shows the players hand prints and you can put your hands flat against the displays to see the difference 🥺🥺🥺

going to japan in general is such a bucket list for me, there’s so much i wanna try but i’d love to go when the cherry blossoms are in season!

let’s call it even and we both buy each other merch then we can take some really cool photos :):) i’ve seriously been checking their website every day to snatch a few prints so i hope that you can grab ahold of some as well! u want the window seat on the airplane when we go shibuya?

love you!!! take care of yourself :))

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[streep-mulgrew-anderson]

💫 2022 💫

Going into to 2022, there were still many things from 2021 I was waiting for… those pre Emmy pics on the stairs and for Gillian to actually acknowledge Ninapharm. 

For me, I had nothing but hope and optimism at the start of the year. Surely it can’t get any worse… right??

So all of this is written in the moment. Well, it should be interesting to see if some vibes actually came to be. Here we go…

January 

January started off painfully slow. I believe Gillian was filming in Pennsylvania maybe?? Maybe not. Anyway. 6 days into January and what like 2 -3 weeks since we had seen her, Gillian was spotted eating scones and drinking tea and posed for a picture sending everyone into relief that she was in fact still alive. And then on the 8th she finally posted something; Nelson. But it wouldn’t be until the 26th that she would finally post a selfie… saving the world. January ended with two new videos. One of Gillian interviewing FLEE director Jonas Poher Rasmussen. Love how she started the interview completely American and then the next minute she’s full on Brit! And the other, Gillian wearing silk Pjs, giving a look to die for. So after January starting incredibly slowly, it ended with Gillian being back in her active on social media era. 

February 

February started with Gillian working with yet another beauty company, only, she’s promoting it this time. And of course, Stella joined in the fun. Then Gillian decided she was going to be more active in one day on Twitter than she has been in weeks, and legit asked to play Sarah Paulsen’s wife. Robin robin was nominated for an Oscar. She then did a sit down Q and A thing that was amazing. Gillian also seems to have gotten an Apple Watch for Christmas which surprise surprise has Stella as the background. Gillian also entered her podcast era which has not been as exciting as I thought it would be. She really only talks for the first and last 5 minutes. I’m sure she puts in a lot of time researching which story to use but I was a little disappointed (And it’s actually mostly written by her social media manager...but I didn’t tell you that) Feb ended with G’s appearance at Whodunnit 2’ at Park Theatre.

March

March started with a fresh pfp and header… which I had first on my Twitter so she clearly stole my idea. We got to see some behind the scenes shots of Gillian recording her podcast. Gillian went to LA…. Honestly didn’t see that one coming with a commitment in Cannes days after. As soon as I saw Robin Robin scored an Oscar nom, I thought… I so can see her going to the Oscars. Gillian did some First Lady press. I didn’t think press would start soon so but I’m not complaining. And I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for gillovny content. Of course though, none of that happened, we just got Stella playing ball in a London park. Gillian signed a deal with Netflix to produce some new tv shows and holy shit I’m so proud. And you know me, I’m a sucker for a good theory so in my humble opinion that certain contract with a certain someone really paid off, I just wish it didn’t have to play out like that. Her production company has actually been a thing for a really long time. 

April

April started off with Gillian being awarded the icon award at Cannes series. I found it odd though that nothing was posted to her socials of her getting ready beforehand because pretty much every event she goes to, she does. (? change in SM manager?) Though the next day before her Q&A she did post some before hand stuff and then did post stuff from the day before. Honestly am loving this phase she is going through. Though, it was at about this time that a fear crept into my mind. A fear that I thought was left behind in 2020… 

The first lady press that was filmed back in Match started airing. It definitely doesn’t seem like a strong Emmy campaign which I find strange too. Gillian also realised more stuff with windsor London, not that she promoted it. Gillian did end up going to LA again and attended Jimmy Kimmel in person which has always been a great interview. In a quick recap, she ran into a door and talked about eating her penis cake. Gillian also decided to start wearing earrings in her seconds again. And as someone who has their seconds pierced, I’m loving this and can’t wait to see if she continues to do it to get some inspiration. 

Gillian attended the First Lady premiere and omg I actually loved the bright pink pantsuit. I obviously only started following Gillian during lockdown so it’s actually so cool to see her back out again on red carpets. And then Gillian just casually dropped that Sex Ed has been pushed back again and won’t start filming till the end of summer through till march. Like are you kidding me. I don’t think I can wait that long. It better be fucking good. So within like 48 hours, Gillian jetted out of LA with a video reel on her Instagram which was adorable. I’m loving this era of Gillian. And also they re pierced her ears apparently for Jimmy Kimmel only because it was gone by the next day.

The First Lady started to air. The first episode left me a little on the fence. I think because the Obama and Ford eras are more recent than the Rossavelts, that’s why maybe it’s not exactly hitting the mark straight away. I’m actually okay with the timeline being all over the place. Gillian is obviously acing it but it is unfortunately that story line that so far is what is letting the show down. Gillian of course posted some behind the scenes shots to mark the show starting. The 18th of April passed with unfortunately no selfie update. Gillian also did a photo shoot for L’Officiel which is surprisingly her first one of the year and again was perfect. 

May

How are we in May already! May started with me holding on to a really slim hope that Gillian would attend the Met gala. I know she mostly hated it last year but there a few subtle clues indicating that she might attend. But then I realised that she already had an event booked for that day 😫 and then it turns out she didn’t even go to either event. Gillian, still in her Instagram reel era posted one of her time on set of the First Lady. Honestly though, she actually seems like so much fun to work with. Connie posted the absolute most gorgeous photo of Gillian and piper which of course Gillian shared. Gillian, still in her influencer era was spotted filming so ads in London. We had our first Gillovny moment of the year. Connie posted a pic of them and Gillian tagged David and added it to her stories. David let the team down and never publicly acknowledged it but we all know he slid into her DMs… well…. He was probably already there. 

So then this video of From Jimmy Kimmel came out and Gillian AND David were in it and next to each other (not really though)

The First Lady continued to air and holy shit seeing Gillian kiss a woman multiple times changed my life and made me rethink the last year of Gillian content. 

Gillian recorded a reading for Women's Prize for Fiction: Virtual Shortlist Festival 2022 which was completely toaster quality. 

As the First Lady continues to air, I’m surprisingly falling more in love with it. And then May ended with actually footage of Gillian and her most likely re heated soggy chips. If you know what I mean by this then don’t talk to me about it because I am holding onto a thin string trying not to do the same. I wish that toaster would just disappear. I’m not surprised just disappointed. And for people who hate the judgement, 1I’ve never dated someone that all my friends have liked. It’s basically the blue print of being a friend. As long as she’s happy that’s all that really does matter. We all know she could do so much better but at the same time we all know a fraction of the truth, which is all we should know anyway. Connie tried to save the day though. 

June

That ad G filmed in May was realised and like damn! Connie fed us again. She honestly needs to release a book. AND THEN gillian posted the same photo tagging David. David left us hanging again… publicly anyway. Like he's got a book to promote so you think he’d be all over her posts. But on said book promotion he actually sort of threw her under the bus. Someone needs to send these two some gillovny videos to remind them how perfect they are and to get over their egos but then yet again, we know nothing about the truth and I’m just gonna shut up. 

Gillian modelled for Chloe. 

The First Lady finished and I never thought I would become so attached to that show. It definitely missed the mark and I think that was because it wasn’t really all that linear in it’s story. I think having the 3 story lines was a bit much. But otherwise, Eleanor and Hick spin off?? It’s been ages too since I watched a show that you can just binge watch all at once so it made my Sunday’s just that more enjoyable. She then did an interview with gold derby and damn her nails! Glad she also confirmed that she hasn’t worked since February because I was starting to get worried and that she will be filming sex ed in September. Gillian went to paramount plus uk launch and holy shit I forgot how to breath. It’s the tan and the bleached hair that ended me. Disappointed she ditched her black nails for her usual colour but when considering the rest of the fit was perfect, how can you complain. The trailer for white bird a wonder story finally came out. G loved it up in Glastonbury. 

July 

July started off slow. Gillian did an amazing podcast about mental health which I loved. We are half way through this year and it’s been slow. I mean like she has said that she hasn’t been working a lot which is obvious. She only filmed one thing this year with possible 3 things coming out all up. And at this point nothing new has been announced. Not even from her Netflix deal. I’m a little worried maybe. More worried about what she’s planning… any way it definitely doesn’t seem that she is going full on campaign mode like she did for the Emmy’s last year which is a shame. Sex education has finally started filming which is making me nervous because I swear to god if they ruin one of my favourite comfort characters arc even more i will scream. Emmy noms came out and wtf. I thought for sure she would get one. The First Lady got completely snubbed which I get because it wasn’t amazing but I thought it would get at least something in the major categories. And then The Great leads all got nominated but that was it. So disappointing. At least Gillian really loved those characters but it is a major snub considering her clean sweep last year. I think the team behind the first lady just really really missed the mark. They had three amazing lead actresses who at least one of them could have got nominated but it didn’t happen. And July ended slow. 

August

Ah August. Got my clown costume ready to go! I’m glad the last few weeks have been quite because at this point in time I had a really bad work crush and was basically picking up as many overtime shifts as I could and was a very nice welcomed distraction. Anyway. 

The First Lady got cancelled which I’m disappointed with but not surprised. I’m mean at least it doesn’t effect Gillian because she wouldn’t be in the next season. I think they got it all completely wrong. Everything about it was just messy. 

Gillian entered her unhinged era on twitter. I mean, she practically always been there but clearly has stepped it up a bit. One thing she is in though is her unemployment era. 

David’s birthday came…. And David’s birthday passed. We all know they definitely spoke privately but yeah. I would like to think they are on a nice holiday together or something. At least G probably is before she starts filming sex Ed next month. I mean they both were unusually quite for this time of the year. But we love a last minute goofy selfie and some cute thank you replies. Thanks to David for a poorly timed tweet about a recent book he read. I’m not buying it. Maybe public birthday messages will be once every 2 years from now on. At least we got some tbt tags this year on Gillian’s behalf. 

The roller coaster that is sex education promotion started. 

And then we saw the second confirmation for the year about what should not be named. Look, we don’t know the ins and outs of her private life and all that matters is that she’s happy but I just don’t see it. And listen, for everyone who’s like I don’t understand people complaining about it, from my perspective, when you care about someone, your critical of them including their choice in partner. I’ve heard that much rumours that I don’t know what to think anymore. But also, until she confirms it and the words ( or photo) come out of her mouth, im taking it with a grain salt… unfortunately maybe a large grain of salt. They could actually be ex’s that are friends. But at the end of the day if it makes her happy that’s all that matters. 

August ended with ? Gillian in her swiftie era. But let’s be real, in 2016 she’s never heard of bad blood so….

September 

Ah September, you’ve been so anticipated. G finally started filming sex education. And just a reminder she basically hasn’t worked since February and has nothing else booked and this year has been painful slow with stuff relating to Gillian, at least compared to last year. She clealry must be working on something big considering she is not good at taking breaks. 

She now owns 4 chickens apparently too. 

Ninapharm continued to release pictures from that photo shoot campaign that Gillian has weirdly chosen to ignore. 

Gillian, once again for the how many time this year, returned from the dead to go to the Burberry show in London. Forgot we were still in that era. She was seated next to ANNA WINTOUR (also across from Kanye)…. So….. what's coming next. I don’t know, I find it all maybe slightly bizarre. Loving it, don’t get me wrong but just… interesting. I mean she has launched clothing before, maybe all this fashion stuff she is suddenly doing is research for something bigger?? She has been to fashion shows in the past but not as much as she is doing now. 

October 

… and Gillian enters the month still basically unemployed. I might be a bit nervous. White bird was suppose to come out this month, the pale blue eyes in December and sex education is probably half way through filming and then… nothing. I mean surely she’s working on something but still. 

But as my life pretty much feel apart, it’s good to see Gillian’s is not as she changed her twitter pfp to sponge bob. Yep, you read that right. All I would like to say is who gave her her twitter password back this year?? I thought she would only have it like that briefly but it stayed for like a week. A whole week. And the like 2 times she tweeted during that week, no one was taking her seriously. 

White bird a wonder story was supposed to come out this month but disappeared off the face of the earth. I never watch the first one but this movie seemed really good on paper. I know Gillian said they wanted to aim it for festivals but then the release date got pushed from September to October but when the trailer got released it got a really bad reception. I’m not totally sure why. Isn’t it a book? From what I understand people were shocked about some of its context but surely that’s the same as the book right? Anyway I was really looking forward to having more Gillian content because it’s been a hot minute but I guess the wait shall continue. 

So she now does adds for Netflix too. That producer deal is really being put to good work. For someone who had such a successful previous year, I don’t understand this one. I guess we are getting employed through doing ads now. I might keep that in mind. 

Photos and a trailer were released for pale blue eyes. Finally something!!

Stella dressed up as little bo peep for Halloween and Gillian continued to aid fuel to the fire that she has reclaimed back her twitter password… I mean… do you really think that’s it’s someone else tweeting things like that on a Saturday evening at midnight? Because wouldn’t something like that have to be approved because it’s written under her name. That’s why I think it’s actually her. 

And, I just have to add this because it hit me right in the feels, Piper wore one of Gillian’s dresses for Halloween and omg 

November 

November started off with a Gillovny moment! Winning! So Gillian re posted a fans remake of an iconic Gillovny photo shot for a Halloween. I absolutely love how much she has posted gillovny throw backs this year. David’s left us hanging every time though. But I’m is anyone else noticing how much she is reposting fans stuff lately?????? And surprise surprise, David left us hanging yet again. But not to worry, Connie continued posting Gillovny throw backs. 

Gillian went to the crown season 5 premiere which you don’t want to hear my opinion on. Hasn’t she been to enough of them?? Fair enough the last one didn’t happen ( side not… she was the only former cast member there) and she won all the awards but pleaseeeeeeee I don’t want to hear about it. But I mean… if it makes her happy and look I would be doing the same thing if my anxiety and overthinking didn’t always get in the way. …. Maybe he is the British version of Pete Davison?????

David also deleted his twitter. Mourning all the gillovny that gos with that. Gillian…. Don’t you dare. Really grieving all those twitter interactions. 

You know what else really annoys me, how critical people are of what she wears and how she does her hair. 

Twitter continues to live so Gillian continues to post penises but still RIP David. Either new social media girl is totally unhinged or Gillian has that password back. 

Gillian left the house again and went to a screening of pale blue eyes. 

December 

And so we have reached the final month… and Gillian is still unemployed. So hoping she is working on something big. That Netflix deal looking like a flop right about now?? Almost a year out of the two signed for done. 

So it turns out Gillian started a beverage company, G-spot in march… so that’s what she’s been doing?? And other production company… something bigs coming right?? But at the same time, she had it for how long and done nothing with it. The website was also created in July and barely touched. I just want to really know what someone who doesn’t understand the word relax has been doing for 12 months. But like at the same time, she started Fiddleheads something like 20 year ago and it only ever was reported once so I’m not that hopefully about all these. Just like how her novels were going to be turned in a series…

Gillian started doing press for The Pale Blue Eye… again, a role that is probably going to be less than 10 minutes is getting more press from her than the last season of Sex Education. And she annoucemed her unemployment era is ending in January and from the way shes talking, 2023 sounds booked and busy. At least we don’t have to wait long. I’m surprised she only said… “i have a thing I’m starting i Jaunary that hasn’t been aoounced”. Usually she would be all like I’m doing this thing with… about… but i can’t talk about it. And it actually sounded like she said she had two things coming up…. Dr Who maybe? And maybe she kows White Bird A Wonder Storys new realise date as well because she mentioned that was coming up soon. 

And to finish it all, she wished everyone a Merry Clitmas Christmas which took me wayyy to long to pick up. 

So, hey! We made it! This year for me has been on pair with last year.. actually probably worse. I’ve lost a damn lot this year and been through things that I didn’t see coming. But maybe that’s what happens when you stop being silent and putting up with crap?? Safe to say all I did this year was survive. 

Any way, davidduchovny on twitter I miss you. Gillian… I love you… but what is going on. 

Next year is one I’m definitely excited for. I’m spending 4 weeks in Vancouver which co insides with the x files 30th anniversary and then the following 2 in London. I’m nervous but excited. And I’m so hopping I get to meet Gillian. I’m apprehensive about booking too much of the trip because I am definitely the person who will drop anything to be where she is during the 6 weeks… just as long as it doesn’t fall on the day of the wedding I’m going too. I’m also planning on maybe resigning from my job when I get home from the trip which scares the shit out of me that I'm ready to walk away from my dream job😬 the 6 weeks is also going to be me seeing if maybe I could maybe take the plunge and move over to London… all I care about is that my cat can come too. But there is a part of me that wants to stay just to prove a point 

So here’s to 2023; more Gillovny, a brand new chapter and finally hopefully positive vibes and progress. 

Oh, and Gillian, no more penis posts please!

[christophersymes]

Celebrity Status

Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.

<-- Previous (Prologue) / Next -->

TW: Brief mention of r*pe

Chapter One

Jules, grinning mischievously, set the game discs down in a row on the hardwood in front of the TV stand. Rosa's heels clicked on the floor as he did and she moved in anticipation of what she was about to do. He set the last disc down gently after kissing it, then stood up to admire the line. His gaze turned to Rosa, who looked down at them, then back up at him.

"Yes, princess, you can go ahead," he said with a flourish and bow, tossing the cases on the floor.

The discs cracked under Rosa's heels as she jumped on them, stomped on them, ground them into the floor. She leaned down and picked up the pieces afterward, too, snapping them and tossing them on the bed. After she'd done that to every single one, she stomped all of the cases, tossing them on the bed as well.

She was fucking ruthless, and Jules loved it. He loved his sister, and that was exactly why he was doing this shit. He stomped the last one before her, his combat boot snapping the plastic case's edge, then kicked it over to her. She did the same, then set it in front of the TV, smiling sweetly.

"Hope you enjoy your gameless existence, you dick," she murmured, already unplugging the Playstation from the TV. "This is what you get for trying to rape me."

Jules felt his stomach fall at her words, but knew it was true. A week ago, he and his friend Sam had walked in on Rosa and Dickwad Josh at a party. Rosa had been trying to push Josh off her, and it took both Jules and Sam to get him away.

As usual, they'd both guaranteed they'd exact their revenge, and make it ten times worse than what they usually did because the guy had almost succeeded.

They showed up at his house when they were sure he was gone, and went inside to speak to his parents. They'd listened as Rosa described what happened, and Jules told them he'd witnessed it and that their son was a dick in the first place too, who would sometimes grope Rosa in front of everyone.

They'd all agreed he needed to learn a very, very severe lesson.

So, naturally, they showed them both up to his room and told them what they could destroy. They both took the opportunity to kill his games, and were now dismantling his Playstation and controllers.

Once they had everything gathered in their arms, they went downstairs and outside. Jules waved a controller affectionately at his parents, who grinned back at him. They'd hated how much Josh played games, anyway, and they were really nice people in a not so good neighborhood. There was a kid down the street who would kill for the console, so Jules and Rosa knocked on the door happily.

"Hi," Rosa said, grinning. "We're from the house down there, the Pinnows. Uh— Well, Josh, their son, he knew that your kid really wanted a Playstation and that you guys couldn't get one, so we come bearing a gift."

They both lifted the console and cords. "It's a little worn, but Josh wanted you guys to have it."

The dad took it thankfully, a little shocked as he laughed. "Holy shit. Thank you."

After a little bit of awkward conversation, they left again, grinning at the good deed they did in the middle of revenge. Jules shoved at Rosa. "You feeling better?"

"Fuck yes. He deserves all this shit. Dick." Rosa laughed, clapping her hands together. She rubbed them greedily. "What can we destroy now?"

"How about slashing his tires? Make him pay, sis," Jules said, passing her his pocket knife. He took her hand and set it in her palm, then kissed her forehead. "Careful, though. We don't need you slashing your hand open."

⧫

Mason Hill moved his head along to the music blasting into his eardrums as he fucked around on his laptop. He was in the mood for going incognito online, wanting to interact with fans without them knowing it was him. He had been hearing about this awesome Nosam forum for a while but hadn't made an account yet. He figured it was time for that to change. He cracked his knuckles in front of his chest and stuck out his tongue, grinning as he saw the first empty text box to fill beside the word Username.

"Easy," he murmured to himself, immediately typing masonfucker1000 into the box.

He frowned at the next prompt. Name? Huh. He drummed his fingers against his leg, glancing at Austin, sitting nearby him on the tour bus. "Dude, what was your middle name again?"

Mason knew his middle name. He just liked hearing Austin say it in his neat little accent.

And wanted to freak him out a little.

Austin gave him a curious look as he stopped playing his guitar, pushing his glasses up. "Elías? Why do you ask?"

Mason clicked his tongue at him, winking. "Nothing important. Nice name, handsome."

Austin opted not to respond, shaking his head and watching him suspiciously before going back to his guitar.

Mason typed Elías into the box. He figured a shit ton of people were 23 and it would be harmless to put that in, so he did that too. He put in a fanart edit of himself as the image— him wearing a flower crown, one of his favorites— and hit Create Account, smiling in satisfaction. He went to the welcome thread to make his first post.

masonfucker1000: hey!! im maybe older than most fans but I just wanted you all 2 know that even though im straight, i would let mason hill do anything he wanted to me

Austin kept glancing up at him, effectively distracted by Mason wanting his middle name for what was probably a horrible reason.

"Seriously, what are you doing?"

"Joining a Nosam forum, obviously," Mason scooted closer to him, moving the laptop close to his face with a flourish.

Austin stared at the screen, looking from the glittery website's title, to the header with their faces, and then to Mason's post. "Why are you always so disturbingly narcissistic to the point where I'm almost certain you'd actually fuck yourself if given the opportunity?"

Mason tilted his head, nodding as he spoke. "Because I would, Ozzie," he pecked his neck and then, mouth at his ear, repeated in a whisper. "Because I would."

Jules, alone in his bedroom after the revenge-destroying, was fucking around on the Nosam forum. As usual. He was one of the top members, had helped design the site as a school project, was friends with about half the people on the site, and loved them all. They were really his only friends, so it was easy to love them all.

He refreshed the page just in time to see a new comment in the welcome thread. No one had joined in a while, so it was interesting. It wasn't exactly the most popular website, so... Oh, their name was Elias... That was Austin's middle name. Maybe he'd finally have another Austin stan.

And of course, they loved Mason. God damn it, everyone did. He sighed but hit reply anyway. A new friend was a new friend.

familyjules: hey elias! welcome to the nosam fanbase!!! also: ew but go off i guess ;)

Mason gasped loudly, falling back against the small sofa. "Ew? Ew?"

He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he immediately replied.

masonfucker1000: jules! hi! thanks! also! what the hell! how can you resist the unique and godly allure that only mason joshua hill possesses?

Jules snorted, rolling his eyes. He leaned on his wall as he typed, laughing a little to himself.

familyjules: i'm too entranced by the unique and godly allure that only austin possesses, ....masonfucker1000. i just realized this point is totally moot but i'm still gonna fight it to my dying breath: austin elías salinas vicente is better than mason hill in so many ways but i respect your opinion my dear masonfucker

Mason sighed loudly and took off his snapback, throwing it at Austin, who yelped in surprise.

"What the hell?"

Mason glared at him. "That's for having a godly allure, Salinas."

Austin sputtered, confused.

masonfucker1000: you say you respect my opinion, familyjules? really? u might as well have spat in my face. austin. better than mason. my god. i will try to coexist peacefully with radical beliefs such as urs.

also: is ur profile pic u?

Jules laughed at the dramatics. He hadn't had this much fun meeting someone in a while. They were actually taking his jokes as jokes.

familyjules: thank you for your precious coexistence, fellow radical believer. and yeah dat me

Mason didn't know why the Nosam fanbase just happened to be super attractive, but he always appreciated nonetheless.

masonfucker1000: my dude, fellow believer, may i just say that ur face is v nice to look at. one might even say it radiates a certain godly allure

Jules blushed a little. People had called him attractive before, but not like that. Damn.

familyjules: thank you!! i guess ur pfp is kinda okay to look at... ;)

Mason huffed, pouting. That was just not at all fair. He couldn't even defend his own good looks.

masonfucker1000: ha. ha. so how long have u been into nosam? sorry, i meant: how long have u been brainwashed into thinking nosam was called nitsua?

Jules laughed at that one. It was good. Elias was funny.

familyjules: i actually laughed at that one! nitsua just sounds like a ninja name or something. and i've been into them since their first ep came out! found them on youtube and felllllllll. how about you?

Mason grinned. Hardcore fan. Hell, yeah. Call him a narcissist. Nosam was awesome and superbly talented, and Mason appreciated when other people knew it.

masonfucker1000: me too! nosam sorta changed my life. listen to them way more than a sane person should.

Someone else on the thread pointed out that that page was for welcoming and not conversation. Mason stuck out his tongue at his laptop screen.

masonfucker1000: whoops. heading to gen, familyjules?

Jules sighed a little at the comment, rolling his eyes. He'd made the website. It was his rule. And he'd broken it.

familyjules: whoops. yeah. i'll tag u in a thread

familyjules: @masonfucker1000 here we are. what yt video did you see first?

masonfucker1000: teenage dirtbag cover! iconic as hell. have u ever seen them live? its the most fun i've ever had.

familyjules: hell yes! i love that one! and no ): but i've got tickets to a show this tour and im hype. gonna scream my ass off

Mason's eyes widened. Oh, yes. Mason befriending a fan and that fan attending a Nosam concert? That would be beautiful.

masonfucker1000: really?? where? what day? on the off chance im going to the same 1

familyjules: Traverse City, MI. gonna glitter my face off too i'm gonna look great

masonfucker1000: oh nah not going there! glitter! nosam hype! fuck yeah, i believe u, u already look great as is. michigan, huh? the hell do u do for fun there?

familyjules: hockey, mostly. play bass too. try to run away from my family while blasting pop punk since no one gets me. freeze to death in snow

masonfucker1000: hockey?? ur tiny! i think! bass is rad, how long have you been playing? pop punk is the shit, i get u, bro

Jules smiled a bit. At least he didn't say he was a girl.

familyjules: bet i can whoop your ass even if i am tiny! and ive been playing for 5 years now. lots of nosam covers in the media thread if u wanna check it out! we gots a talented group here

masonfucker1000: i bet u can i can barely hold a stick.

a future seluj! charmed to meet u pre-fame. will def check out.

Mason headed to the media thread and clicked on one of the audio files Jules had uploaded. His eyes widened, and he turned up the volume.

Andrew, who had sat down in the far corner like the fucking loner he was, looked up at Mason as basslines filled the small space. "Hey, who's that? Not Chris, is it?"

Mason shook his head, mumbling, "Fan cover."

Andrew snorted, "Shit. That's good. You should show that to Chris when he gets back."

Mason played a few more covers, very impressed and a little doubtful.

masonfucker1000: c'mon. c'mon, jules. no way that's u.

familyjules: oh hell yeah that's me. ask anyone on here i love playing so much. covered a few starlight songs too but i'm not as good at those yet. are u into them too?

masonfucker1000: sure, sure. u stripped from chris, admit it, jules.

fuck yeah! love those badass ladiesss!

familyjules: whoa, dude, i'd never. if anything i'd strip for austin. if stella wouldn't kill me

masonfucker1000: pipe dream, jules. stella would 100% kill you. and then strip for austin herself.

Jules sighed wistfully at that image. They were both ridiculously hot, and Stella stripping was just a mental image to frame and make lifesize on the mantel above the fireplace.

familyjules: can't even join them? damn. my dreams are gone. can i share mason w/you then, masonfucker? he's the only single one of all of them... wait. does your username mean you're his hand then? shouldn't you have his hand as your pfp?

Mason's jaw dropped. "Holy fuck. I've never felt so roasted in my entire fucking life. Holy shit. Fucking— familyjules," he breathed a laugh, already typing out a response eagerly. Andrew rose an eyebrow at him, an action that Mason didn't even notice.

masonfucker1000: shit! how could u do him like that? he gets plenty of attention other than his hand! lots of it! mason hill gets around! its basic info!

familyjules: ha! uses the other hand sometimes? ;)

Mason lifted his arms behind his head. "This fucker!" he laughed again, rubbing his hands down his face. This Jules girl was ridiculous. If only she knew who she was talking to but... no, not a good idea. He stared at the screen, frowning as he realized he really wanted to keep talking to her, forgetting to respond and tapping his fingers against the laptop. He flipped Andrew off when he kept staring at him, taking the laptop and laying in his bunk instead. He could easily just not respond, like, ever. It wouldn't matter at all. Jules was just some random fan he'd stumbled onto online, who had no idea who Mason was, with whom Mason had only had half a conversation with. Hell, he usually didn't even have more than a conversation with people anyway, always having so many he wanted to talk to. But it wasn't ever like this. And it was stupid, really, how drawn he felt from just a couple hundred words on a screen, from a stranger. It wasn't even a good font.

Mason pursed his lips, sighing quietly as he stared at the forum page, at the slight curve of Jules' mouth in her profile picture. He abruptly switched tabs, checking his Twitter and replying to some fans. He Googled other fansites, ones he already had accounts on, and sifted through the threads, trying to find something else to do.

It was a bit before Elias responded again. Jules fucked around with other things on the site while he waited, scrolled through Tumblr, and then went back. He private messaged Elias, frowning a little.

familyjules: hey dude. just so you know i fuck with all the mason superfans like that. it's way too easy to roast mason

Mason was startled when he heard a ping as he had finally distracted himself from familyjules. He hesitated barely a second before switching back, smiling as he read the message.

masonfucker1000: yeah its cool! got distracted. ur wrong tho. completely wrong. masons a regular manwhore

familyjules: cool all good. just wanted to make sure you weren't actually mad! and trust me i know far too many girls on here have talked about seeing his dick

masonfucker1000: mad? over that? dont worry, bro, not at all

gh! and they all say his dick is huge. which is false. have u seen him in skinny jeans? he's got an average dick, ladies. an average dick with an above average heart

familyjules: damn dude. at least you're honest unlike them. also sometimes it looks big so i wonder who's right👀

masonfucker1000: average dick.

fuck im starving. what do i have to do to get some pizza up in hereeeee

familyjules: be mason hill?

familyjules: kidding! i'll send you some

masonfucker1000: you be careful or ill end up taking your word for it!! i swear my stomach is going to start eating itself

They ended up talking for a bit longer, but then Jules had to sleep, which made Mason pouty. It was rare for him to enjoy talking to someone this much, but Jules had a late shift the next day and classes all day, so he said goodbye and logged off, promising to be back same time the next day.

♦️

It kept like that for a week. Jules talked to Elias whenever he could, along with his other friends. He felt drawn to Elias for some reason, compelled to let the mysterious user eat up all his time.

familyjules: so. mr. masonfucker. you've only got two things on your profile and it's been a week. not even a small introduction to tell us about yourself other than you'd let mason have his way with you? i'm curious ;)

During the week, Mason had become gradually more excited every time he had the chance to be online when Jules was, which had thankfully been coinciding with after Nosam sets. He bit his lip as he read the newest message from her.

masonfucker1000: oh, youre curious? maybe i like the suspense ;) what about u, miss familyjules? im very curious about u. ur short bio is frankly not enough

Jules winced at the response. So Elias did think he was a girl. He could set him straight... but he knew nothing about this person except that he was cis and straight. He seemed cool, but Jules really didn't want to deal with a huge messy fight on the site right now.

familyjules: hey, you know i live in michigan. and what i look like. and that i play bass and play hockey. i don't even know what you do for fun, aside from stan mason. c'mon, dude

Mason groaned. God, he could just disappear right now, not talk to her ever again. But he'd be fucking bummed. Was he just lonely? I mean, tours got like that sometimes. Maybe he just needed stress relief, although that was off the table at the moment. Shit. This wasn't a... thing. Was it?

masonfucker1000: alright, alright! well, i do not live in michigan. i look like a burnt chicken nugget but i still love myself! i like singing and i've seen Real Steel abt a thousand times. how about that?

familyjules: real steel is awesome! and singing! maybe you should be in seluj with me one day. we'd take over the world, displace nosam

masonfucker1000: hell yeah! I'll let hugh jackman have at all this too 🥒🍆

displace nosam? ur blocked

masonfucker1000: kidding! totally up for it, let's go. altho it should be called saile, then

familyjules: hey, you're the one who named it seluj in the first place! maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves tho. havent even heard u sing. for all i know you could suck

masonfucker1000: thats where you're wrong, jules! that's where you're wrong! hold on

Mason paced the tour bus, considering his options. He had to show her he could sing. If he sang a song nobody had ever heard him do, maybe it would be alright?

masonfucker1000: uploaded suckonthisjules.mp3

masonfucker1000: go the distance! Hercules is my favorite disney movie. see? proof of my awesome talent and a fact abt me

Jules blinked in shock at the file, clicking play and leaning back. He listened, transfixed, picking at his lip.

familyjules: holy shit elias you sound a lot like mason. did you train your voice or what? there were a few places where you were off key but god damn. also hercules is so underrated

"Oh, fuck," Mason said as he read the response. "Wait— off key?" he glared at his laptop.

Andrew snorted. "A few minutes ago? Yeah."

Mason turned his glare towards Andrew. "I was not off key."

Andrew just laughed and shook his head, stuffing his face with chicken.

Mason frowned. It's not his fault his voice was a little strained after the show. No way he was gonna admit it, though.

He deleted the file he sent.

masonfucker1000: ah yeah, a bit.

and go to hell. off key, my ass! i told you I can sing. hercules is def underrated! yo where do u go all day?

Jules frowned when the messages shifted. He scrolled back up to find the file gone. "Oh, come on," he muttered. How paranoid could this guy be? It was a fansite. Who cared?

familyjules: def off key a bit. you deleted the file because of it, i see you, devil 👀

familyjules: oh also i'm a working college student! class by day, waiting tables by night

masonfucker1000: i did not!

oh shit, nice! well, horrible, but nice. i bet you get good tips ;) what are u studying?

familyjules: you'd be surprised how bad the tips are. studying music and psych, but the psych is a minor

masonfucker1000: jules ill go over there and tip you, you'll be set for life. so ur serious abt music huh? what do u wanna do?

familyjules: so youre rich. another thing i know now. and hell yeah i am! i want to work w/ a recording company if i can, fill in bass. more freelance than i'd like but it's something

masonfucker1000: 🤑

masonfucker1000: woah woah wait. ur settling! what would you like?

familyjules: settling? i don't call getting to play bass for a living settling

familyjules: what i really want tho is to play in a band but that's unlikely

masonfucker1000: uh huh

masonfucker1000: i knew it! c'mon, unlikely? you're as good as chris if you're not lying abt not stripping his bass 👀 maybe even better

familyjules: WHOA dude dont disrespect christo like that he's a huge role model!! i wish i could be as good as him

Mason smiled, getting up to bother Chris. "Yo, hey, dude?"

Chris looked up from his laptop, rubbing his forehead. "Huh?"

"You know that girl I've been talking to that plays bass. She says you're her role model and got offended when I said she probably plays better than you."

Chris smiled warmly. "That's sweet."

"No, but, listen," Mason showed him an audio clip of Jules covering bass for one of their songs. Chris furrowed his eyebrows as he listened, running his fingers through his hair as his jaw went slack. "Shit. What? Geez— don't even tell the guys, they'll replace me."

Mason laughed loudly, ruffling Chris's hair.

masonfucker1000: no disrespect to christo, i think you're incredibly good. u could definitely be better than him! u should try the band thing, bro, if thats what u really want

familyjules: maybe. i have some stage fright too but been working on that. what do you do all day, mr. masonfucker?

Aw, fuck. This was going to get frustrating for the both of them real quick. Mason didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell her what he actually did all day. He could maybe explain that he was going to have to keep some (a lot of) personal information to himself? That would sound weird. Mason stared at the message, unsure what to do. He could be a bit of a dick and reply with a joke. Or something really vague. He'd only known Jules for a little over a week but he had a feeling he might not get away with that.

masonfucker1000: how've you been working on it?

masonfucker1000: and i think the more appropriate question is who don't i do all day

Oh, God, that was bad. He regretted sending that one. Mason found himself not wanting her to actually think he slept around all day. Or at all. Fucking hell.

Jules frowned at the reply. This was... interesting, he guessed. Or something like it.

familyjules: so you're a prostitute? that's how you have so much money?

Mason couldn't help but laugh at the response.

masonfucker1000: what! no no

Mason grumbled to himself, rubbing his hands down in face.

masonfucker1000: that was a stupid thing for me to say, sorry

masonfucker1000: i have a job that requires a lot of travel

familyjules: okay that makes more sense. a traveling prostitute. sounds fun! what places have u seen?

Mason rolled his eyes, smiling.

masonfucker1000: oh, aaaall oooover the world. in the US rn, tho! i could put on a show for u ;)

familyjules: maybe i'll take you up on that offer ;)

familyjules: hey im about to upload a new cover btw! it just finished uploading

masonfucker1000: oh, another masterful christo strip!