#it’s amazing it’s one of the most fun times I’ve had with a sonic game in so long
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post game depression is real man
I miss shadow generations already and it just came out. what an amazing game
#izzy.txt#I hope you all enjoy it and for those who get it on the 25th pls have fun#it’s amazing it’s one of the most fun times I’ve had with a sonic game in so long#I love shadow the hedgehog man…
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So a while back, I decided to make a spreadsheet listing all of the franchises/series/properties/etc. that I have a special attachment to, along with specific elements/aspects that I particularly enjoy in the media I consume, in order to see if there was any one variable all of them had in common.
It ended up looking like this:
I added the year I got interested in each property as well, and it’s been funny to see the progression - you can see how it starts with the movies my parents showed me at the beginning, then the video games my friends introduced me to (or that I fortuitously found out about after skipping vacation bible school one day but the full version of that story is for another time), then my special interests growing out of a mix of those...then that little stretch in 2020-2021 where I started dipping my toes into things out of morbid curiosity and getting genuinely invested in them whoops
Anyway, I wanted to share this in case anyone else is interested in creating something like this. I think it’d be so fun to see what other people consider to be the most appealing aspects of the things they’re into, as well as how their tastes evolved over time!
(Zoomed in versions of the spreadsheet under the cut for easy reading, as well as abbreviated explanations of how I got into everything on this list, if you’re interested.)
Jurassic Park - I was obsessed with dinosaurs as a kid. My parents were like, “Hmm, she might like this - we’ll just make her cover her eyes for the scene where the T-rex eats that guy off of the toilet.”
Star Wars - Parents bought me Lego Star Wars for the Wii because THEY liked Star Wars but I had no clue what was going on, walked in on them watching Episode V and they let me stick around
Pokémon - All my closest friends were into it but I wasn’t allowed to play until finally my parents caved and let me get a DS and a copy of Platinum. Easily the franchise I am the most invested in ahaha
Sonic - Went to the phone store with my mom and they had a mobile version of Sonic 2 on one of the demo phones. Went home and got it on virtual console, literally defined how I play video games now
Mega Man - Picked up a copy of Nintendo Power (RIP) because it had Mewtwo on the cover. Featured character was Zero. His design activated all the neurons in my brain so I read everything I could about him and eventually got into the games, and now Mega Man characters own the deed to my house and my firstborn child
FNAF - Friend showed me a video of a playthrough at my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. Scared the pants off of me. Couldn’t stop watching it.
Alien/Aliens - The Great Movie Ride at Disney, but specifically the waiting room where they play the trailers for the movies (I closed my eyes during the actual Alien section of the ride because it freaked me the heck out). That trailer stuck in my brain and one day I just decided I wanted to watch it. I’ve never mentioned them before but I need y’all to understand that these are my favorite movies of all time and I literally wrote a college essay about why they are so good
Metroid - Saw Samus in Super Smash Bros. Brawl and thought she was super cool. Got an SNES Classic for Christmas and tried out Super Metroid...instantly hooked. One of the most amazing games in the universe you guys
The Thing - Dad was like, “Oh yeah I watched that in theaters when I was 12 it’s great let’s watch it.” I couldn’t look my own dog in the eyes for three days.
Terminator - Wanted to check out more 80′s sci-fi. Plus Michael Biehn. Love Michael Biehn.
Twilight - Me and a close friend (neither of whom had grown up reading these) decided to watch the first one as a joke. Got invested. Ended up watching them all. Now I write Mega Man/Twilight fanfiction. Beware what you do ironically, folks.
Homestuck - Was vaguely aware of it for years but (like most people) had no clue what it was about until the Sarah Z video. Decided to give it a try.
It checks almost every single box on this spreadsheet, so...there’s my defense for that, I guess.
The Locked Tomb - Everybody kept posting weird things about this book series and it sounded too crazy NOT to read
Subnautica - I love the ocean. I love space. I love aliens. I couldn’t get a copy of Pokémon Violet at Wal-Mart and wanted something new to play and it happened to be on the shelf.
#dumpsterfire drabbles#fandom list#If any of you decide to try this please please tag me!!! I'd love to see it
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Game of the Year 2017
Originally Posted in January 2018
*2024* - I have been writing these game of the year posts since 2017 but for some reason the little intro didn't make it into my archive for this year. Oops!
Honorables
Mario Odyssey
This game is joyful, expansive, and rewards exploration. Unfortunately, I have found that after 400+ moons, I still find the controls to be a bit frustrating. On top of that, while the capturing mechanic is fun, I find I most of the time I would rather some solid Mario platforming. That said, Uproot is the best!
Sonic Mania
The first video game I ever owned was Sonic the Hedgehog 2. While my love for Sonic has never truly gone away, I have skipped the majority of Sonic titles over the last 15 or so years. Sonic Mania is zeroing in on the old stuff I grew up with. Sonic Mania invites me back to my hometown to party with friends i’ve not seen since the 90s, and makes it feel like none of us ever drifted apart.
Wolfenstein: The New Colossus
If you told me 5 years ago that Wolfenstein would be a franchise that rises above killing Nazis to tell a story with some of the most well-realized characters in modern media I would have laughed at you. But here we are. Machine Games gave BJ Blazkowicz a backstory that makes him feel believable despite the insanity that is his world. This game is amazing, except for the part where the level design and difficulty get in the way of seeing the story play out.
5. CUPHEAD
I got to this game a bit later than most. Sure I had seen the fantastic art bringing that 1930s cartoon style to life. I had heard the soundtrack full of big band scores and incredible jazz that broke onto the Billboard charts. I had even heard the developers at Studio MDHR talking about their inspirations, including Megaman X, one of my favorite games of all time. Not until I put my hands on the game did I realize just how perfect it all is together.
The controls are tight and responsive in a way that prevents deaths from feeling like bullshit, despite the difficulty. The music can be frantic, mirroring perfectly the insanity on the screen, which helps draw you in without becoming distracting. And those smooth visuals truly do bring each boss to life. Often weird and creepy life, but that is right in line with those old cartoons. Seriously, some of those old things are the stuff of nightmares.
4. HELLBLADE: SENNUA’S SACRIFICE
Hellblade was quite hard for me to play. While that sounds negative right from the jump, that is part of why I liked it so much. It wasn’t a hard game, it was a hard experience. It was hard for me to listen to these disembodied voices telling me I’m not good enough as they danced around my head. It was hard for me to watch Sennua break down and cry with such raw emotion. The game is a technical marvel at realizing Melina Juergens’ performance.
(https://www.polygon.com/2017/9/15/16316014/hellblade-senuas-sacrifice-mental-illness)
While the game’s depiction of psychosis has come under fire for some legitimate concerns, its depiction of the symptoms is impressive. And watching the Making Of short included in the game was rather fascinating. I cannot think of any other big studio taking the time and doing the research to try and get this stuff right. Hellblade was hard for me to play because it was effective in making those symptoms feel real and tangible in a way I simply don’t have in my normal life.
3. HOLLOW KNIGHT
Here’s what I knew about Hollow Knight when I was going in: “It’s kind of like a Metroid game.” Now, I have loved a lot of action-exploration games, particularly when they make some bigger changes to the tried and true formula. Hollow Knight had me unsure at the start from the art style, the floaty jump, and the mapping system. But as I played more of the game, I found myself getting drawn in deeper and deeper. I realized it is a blend of two series I love; Metroid and Dark Souls.
Once I got the dash, movement started feeling good. Once I reached the City of Tears, the aesthetic had me catching my breath. Once I had all the maps… well, actually that damn map stuff is seriously annoying. I didn’t care anymore though, I was engrossed. The story of this bug-filled world is fascinating, and told at the edges for those who want to look. The action is can be punishing with big bosses, precision platforming, and combat that requires intention. This game had me yelling at some challenges, and yet I wanted more, even after the 35 hours I took to beat it.
2. A HAT IN TIME
3D platformers were back this year, back in a way I couldn’t even keep up with. First, we had Yooka-Laylee coming from a bunch of ex-Rare developers making a new Banjo. I missed this one, but heard mostly not-great things. At the end of the year we had Mario Odyssey, where the mission based worlds were done away with for free-form exploration and excitement. But right in the middle of those was A Hat in Time, a game that felt more like Mario 64 in structure, but with so much more.
I knew next to nothing about A Hat in Time when a friend gave it to me to check out. And I soon learned that Jon ‘JonTron’ Jafari had a cameo voice role in it. With that stink on the project I still found myself falling in love. From the very beginning you get a wonderful cartoon style that lends itself so well to the cuteness of Hat Girl. You go down to the first world and find personality dripping throughout the whole island of Mafia men. You meet mustache girl, become friends, and learn how crazy she is. And then, after all this, you get to go to a new world where two birds are competing to make you a movie star.
This game just made me happy the whole damn time I played it. And yet, it is full of choices that seem insane and shouldn’t work. Why not put a silly Metal Gear Solid stealth mechanic into this level? Why not give people an MSpaint mini-game just for fun? Why not pretend we’re a horror game for one mission? Apparently there is no reason not to do these things, if you do them right. Fact is, they did it all right while still giving us wonderful world design, fantastic platforming, genuinely funny writing, and the cutest character ever! If you dash and don’t jump out of it, Hat Girl will just lie on her belly and wiggle her feet in the air while she daydreams!
1. NIER: AUTOMATA
Nier: Automata is a very flawed game. The world you run through feels pulled out of a game from 2004 with all the invisible walls. The Platinum Games influence is clear in the combat, but in many ways feels stripped down and shallow in comparison to some of their past works. The most damning thing, though, is how long it takes to get through Route A. But if you push through all of this, if it gets its hooks in, it is a game that does something special.
Nier has, at its core, an ethos about the world. Not just through some story telling beats about the nature of androids. It goes so much farther. Where many sci-fi stories in more modern media look at how robots can be human, Nier ask what it is to even be human. Yet it does this in a story about androids who should be devoid of emotion. Entities with a task to fight a war that is never ending, on a world that refuses to forget people. A world that really doesn’t need people anymore anyway.
The game is thick with this pervading sense of despair. It isn’t just the crumbled buildings and rusted robots. It is every character you meet, each side story that seems to inevitably end in a place worse than before. It is in the loving couple that want to desert the war, it is in the thinking robots looking out over vistas, and it is in Father Servo who wants to be the best fighter. It is in the main story, when it takes you back through Route A from a different perspective. And it only becomes more intense in the later parts of the game.
This game is my game of the year because it is going to stick with me. Because I watched someone go against everything they stand for to save what they care about, only to lose it all from their own choices. Because I had to put down my controller for over 30 minutes, staring at my avatar idling in a dark and depressing room, trying to decide which choice I could live with. Because as each belief about the nature of the world was pulled away, showing me just how wrong I was, and how pointless trying to change it was. Their all robots right? They are programed for this.
This game is going to stick with me because, despite all of this and so much more, it managed to pull away the magic circle. It gave me an ending full of loss, full of satisfaction, and somehow full of hope.
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I LOVE SONIC ADVENTURE
**What the thing I like is:**
Sonic adventure 1 for the Dreamcast
Not any of the ports, they all make the game worse
I like all the games that came before it, but sa1 is what I’ve really connected with
**Why I like it:**
-so first of all, I’ve been playing every sonic game in release date order. So I have the context of the entire series to this point. Where the creators were at, the state of the industry at the time, and the evolution of the gameplay. It added a lot to my experience of this game
- It came out in 1999 and was a technical breakthrough! At the time 3D games were new tech so everyone was working in a brand new medium and just seeing what worked. And for Sonic, 3D had never looked this good or played so well.
-becuase of this, the game feels kinda like a showcase of what sega can do with 3D. They tried a bunch of stuff and did amazing with all of it! Back in the 90’s sega was always pushing the industry forward and this game was their biggest leap yet
-so yeah like I said this game is just really fun and diverse. You can play as 6 different characters that are all really interesting and fun. The sonic levels are the best, they’re all cool, fast, fun, and cinematic. And then you can play a bunch of the same levels as the other characters but they control so different it might as well be totally new!
-the game also has a really good story. Each character is doing their own thing and we get to see the parts where they overlap. So many of them, when you play the first time as sonic, make no sense but then you finally unlock the new character and everything gets way cooler.
Again, they were showing everything they can do with the new medium. Sonic’s story is cool and fun and cinematic. And E-102”y”’s story is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. And again tail’s story is such a sweet coming of age story! They’re all so incredible
-the atmosphere is amazing. The Dreamcast can do such specific things with lighting and they use it so well. There are gorgeous sunsets, quiet nights, cloudy days, it never ends. There are so many areas that are nice to just sit back and soak in. Especially since the music goes harder than anything I’ve ever heard. The game will do anything for the vibes.
-one of the most impressive things to me is that it still feels like a classic sonic game just in 3D. Like Sonic has always been trying to tell stories and be cinematic they just were able to go hard with this game. And Sonic has always had multiple playable characters they just went crazy with it in this game. Same with atmosphere, and gameplay and music. It’s all still what makes sonic sonic just in 3D and with the most love they could put into it.
-you can also tell how much the people working on Sonic love this world. Not only becuase of the love put into the entire game. But there’s a lot of funny and cute pictures of the team having so much fun behind the seens
-I really like the message of this game too. Or at least the one I got from it. When other things tell me to “be myself” I kinda roll my eyes, but in this game they dont shove it in your face they just show it to you. Each of the characters is cool and awesome because of the things that make them different. Playing the game I could literally feel how their differences are their strengths. 3 of the characters have stories about learning to be more independent cool people! “You are cool and powerful! Be yourself at any cost!”
-this game just never stops giving. I keep finding out new things about it. There’s so many clever details and hidden treats to find.
I could keep talking but this is the best I can put it into words rn.
**How much I like it:**
MORE THAN ANYTHING
This hyperfixation isn’t just about The little blue man, it’s about everything he respresents!
This is literally the perfect game. Unification of every element to make an experience like no other.
I’ve always wanted the things I make to feel like this game.
I want to make beautiful things, but even if I never do it’s okay becuase Sonic Adventure exists. ^-^
#sa1#sonic adventure#ramble#my partner has been hyperfixated on these games since birth#after 7 years of listening to everything he knows about sonic it’s really paying off#never thought i'd see the day#but I’m living my best life now
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Some Colors Appreciation
Unironically, Frontiers made me realize why I like Colors so much.
People complain about the game a lot, about how short many of the levels are, the game itself being too short, the wide use of 2D, the weird challenges... Cyberspace made me realize that's what I like about the game.
The cyberspace stages worked best when they were short and unique little challenges that didn't overstay their welcome or bite to replay for the missions. Sonic Colors is about 60% short and unique little challenges with the added bonus of red rings actually being hidden or requiring skill.
Sure, you can run from point A to point B and wow, this stage lasted 20 seconds! But the collectibles and paths they have make them so much more interesting. Colors is a game I genuinely think is more fun if you 100% it because of how cleverly the red rings are laid out.
Many of the Wisps are also fun and completely optional since you have a good amount of freedom in picking whatever world, and new Wisp, you wanna try next. Only a handful of stages actually expect and require you to use Wisps to beat them. Most worked best in 2D and livened up the stages with all the paths and shortcuts they unlocked, I really loved them as a one-time gimmick.
Not to mention, it has a final boss so good it got recycled in two other games with bits still present in Frontiers!
Additionally, the shortness of the game is a bit of a perk. As I’ve grown up, I’ve really come to appreciate short games that I can beat in a weekend. Sure, I love my Xenoblades, but I also really enjoy a game that does something, does it well and leaves without sucking a month of my life away.
And while this is an unpopular opinion, I genuinely love the story in Colors and think it represents what my ideal Sonic story is.
It's not perfect and I'm not out here to say I think the writing is fantastic, not all the jokes land, but it's a light-hearted story with some dark undertones. They have fun with it, yet the goofiness doesn't undermine what's actually happening. There are some points where they mostly know to cut the jokes and take it seriously. This is the same reason I love Xenoblade 2's story. There's enough substance there for me be invested, but not so serious I get too fatigued.
Plus, Sonic and Tails have my favorite dynamic since SA1/SA2. They have playful banter and just the way they talk to each other, they feel like actual siblings, even down to both of them looking out for the other.
I also really like Sonic’s characterization. Yes, he talks a lot and is more quippy than usual, but he still is the first one to act without even having context because he thinks it’s right. He’s not saving the Wisps for praise or because he has to be a hero, but simply because he wants to help and he enjoys it. He’s kind at heart and loves the thrill of the adventure. Which is why Rise of the Wisps kinda lost me. In their attempt to match the funny writing of the game, they just made Sonic plain rude.
And Eggman is genuinely great here? Like he’s the main threat and so flamboyant and entertaining, every time he’s on screen it’s just a joy. Even when he’s not on screen, there’s those amazing park announcements. My only gripe is I wish you could hear them better in-game.
All this on top of a stellar soundtrack and beautiful, fully original areas. It’s no wonder why this is still one of my favorite Sonic games.
Anyways, that's just some thoughts I had while doing another playthrough of Colors lately. The game is kinda looked down upon now in the fandom, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving it.
#sonic colors#sth#yeah someone just barged in and ''called me out'' on twitter#because i answered someone's question and said i like colors#just got me thinking more about this game while i'm running through it again#i replay it almost every year#this is my first run-through on dolphin#last time was on my wii u#i'm waiting for a steam version of ultimate because that version made some choices for sure#i'm curious what the fans will do with it#also fun fact this is the first game I bought when I got a Wii#One of my earliest Sonic games and I am still enjoying it to this day#i'm also a wii mote and nun chuck supremacist#i legit can't play this game with a gamecube controller like a normal person and that is another reason i don't own ultimate
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Back For the Very First Time
It’s the end of the year and time i look back on my cinema-going journey over these past twelve months. This one is special because it’s the first since the Boof, that i actually got to go to the theater, itself. I’ve seen a ton of flicks this year had to make up for lost time, and there’s still one i want o check out. I probably won’t see that one, The Whale, because my city is an uncultured cow-town and we never get movies like that in their initial limited run. It’ll probably make it’s way to these parts sometime in January but know, if i had seen it before the turn of the year, it’d probably be pretty high on this list. That said, these are my top films of the year. I recommend all of them because they were wildly entertaining.
10. The Batman
This was a disappointment. I mean, it’s good, super grounded, and actually adapted something new but, at the same time, it was wildly underwhelming. I’ve seen it a few times and with each viewing, I'm less enamored with the entire concept of Battinson. The film, itself, is amazing and i do believe it was one of the best releases this year but I'd be lying if i said it didn’t expect more from Matt Reeves. It feels like a palette swap of The Dark night, like Reeves just watched all of Nolan’s films and stole his homework. Best Batmobile ever brought to film, though.
9. Hellraiser
I was all over this when it was announced that The Hell Priest would present feminine. If you know anything about The Hellbound Heart, then you know that this single change, mad e the new Hellraiser the most accurate adaption of that novella. And then it wasn’t. They cribbed a bit from Barkers yarn but did something wholly original with the lore, with the world, and i dug all of it. This isn’t the Hellraiser i know but it’s a Hellraiser i want to see more of.
8. The Northman
I’m a sucker for my Shakespeare adaptions and this is straight up Hamlet, but with a wildly brutal presentation and the meticulously crafted narrative from Robert Eggers. This man is fast becoming one of my favorite creatives. Dude literally only has three entries on his filmography and they’re all bangers. They’re all on my all-time list. It’s absurd how deft a storyteller this man is. His vision is only matched by his creativity and The Northman really drives that fact home.
7. Pearl
The dark horse A24 entry that made the list at the finish line. I was tempted to put X on this thing but then Pearl quietly dropped and i was absolutely captivated by Mia Goth. I’ve always been a fan of her work but Pearl really demonstrates why i love her so much. his is every bit her film as it is Ti West’s. Goth absolutely devastates as Pearl and it’s a macabre pleasure to witness. X was good and genuinely deserves a spot on this list but Pearl is everything that film was and so much more.
6. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
This one was surprising. It’s the rare sequel that is better than the original. I didn’t expect to like the first Sonic film as much as i did because of how derivative it turned out to bee, but, borderline cliche aside, i had a blast with Sonic 2. It’s weird to see but i think Hollywood is right on the cusp of properly cracking video game adaptions. Detective Pikachu, Arcane, and now this? Yeah, this feels like Batman Begins just dropped and Iron Man is just a few years away. We’ll see how Mario does next year.
5. Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness
This thing should have really been called Wanda Maximoff and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day because, goddamn! Who’d have thought that the Scarlet Witch would be up there with Killmonger, Thanos, and every villain MCU Spider-Man has faced, as one of the best antagonists in the entire MCU. Honestly, for my money, MoM was the most entertaining entry from The House of Ideas and i say the knowing i like Wakanda Forever more but this thing is re-watchable. I don’t see myself ever watching Black Panther II again. That one hurts. This one is fun.
4. Prey
Bro. Bro... Look, I've been wildly transparent about my love for all things Xeno. I love the Alien franchise and that means, by proxy, i love the Predator franchise. I’ve gushed about my love for Machiko Noguchi, the first human Predator. I’ve lamented about the missed opportunity to adapt that original AvP story line to film and hat would be lost when The Mouse House got a hold of the franchise. Prey proved me wrong. This thing is the best Predator film released to date, outside of the first, i am DYING to see what comes next. F*cking brilliant watch, all day and a real throwback to the Eighties where you had to work around tech limitations to tell your story.
3. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
This movie was an exercise in pain. I liked it, i did, but it was a rough watch. Ryan Coogler has crafted a genuinely emotional dirge requiem for Chadwick Boseman and the character of T’Challa. His shadow looms over this entire film and it weighs on your psyche as you watch. It’s heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful. It is, admittedly, flawed in a lot of places but i still enjoyed it. I still enjoyed how much love was put into this film. It’s gorgeous and a legitimately sweet good-bye to Wakanda as we knew it.
2a: Nope
Nope is one of the most authentically black films i have ever seen. This sh*t just hits different. Like, watching this thing makes me feel like i would react in the exact same ways as Em and OJ. Seriously, this is how my cousins and i would act if Jan Jacket showed up over our house. I love that. I love this movie. It’s not as good as Get Out but i think it’s the most accessible film Peele has ever made.
2b. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
I just watched this thing a few days ago and I'm still enamored with how brilliant Glass Onion is. From top to bottom, this is a tour de force in film-making and i adored every second of it. Rian Johnson gets so much sh*t for The Last Jedi but this man can craft a film with the best of them. Also, he wrote the f*cking thing! I forgot to mention that in my review but he wrote that whole movie. Story, script, screenplay; All him. It just frustrates me how brilliant this man is, and how sh*t The Last Jedi turned out.
1. Everything Everywhere All at Once
This one is easily the best film I've seen all year. Everything about it absolutely screams masterwork. This one was my A24 entry for the year an I'm glad i made the effort to check it out because, holy sh*t, is this film fantastic! Never mind all of the pretty blatant brilliance that i covered in my proper review, i just really respect the f*ck out of this trend in film to deal with generational trauma. We saw a lot of this during the year with films like Turning Red, Encanto, and even a little bit in Shang-Chi but Everything really put in the work with this sh*t. I left that theater feeling. Just, feeling. I reflected on the scars i have from my parents and how they have shaped my own worldviews. It’s rare that a film leaves me that introspective and i have to give full credit to this movie for allowing me to experience that, after so goddamn long.
Honorable Mentions: Turning Red, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Three Thousand Years of Longing, Blonde, X, Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe, Tár, Morbius (For the memes), The Black Phone, Jackass Forever, Bullet Train, Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers, Barbarian, V/H/S/99
Not Jurassic World: Dominion, though. Never Jurassic World: Dominion. That movie was terrible. Worst than Fallen Kingdom and THAT was a whole ass exercise in masochism just to watch.
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Back For the Very First Time
It’s the end of the year and time i look back on my cinema-going journey over these past twelve months. This one is special because it’s the first since the Boof, that i actually got to go to the theater, itself. I’ve seen a ton of flicks this year had to make up for lost time, and there’s still one i want o check out. I probably won’t see that one, The Whale, because my city is an uncultured cow-town and we never get movies like that in their initial limited run. It’ll probably make it’s way to these parts sometime in January but know, if i had seen it before the turn of the year, it’d probably be pretty high on this list. That said, these are my top films of the year. I recommend all of them because they were wildly entertaining.
10. The Batman
This was a disappointment. I mean, it’s good, super grounded, and actually adapted something new but, at the same time, it was wildly underwhelming. I’ve seen it a few times and with each viewing, I'm less enamored with the entire concept of Battinson. The film, itself, is amazing and i do believe it was one of the best releases this year but I'd be lying if i said it didn’t expect more from Matt Reeves. It feels like a palette swap of The Dark night, like Reeves just watched all of Nolan’s films and stole his homework. Best Batmobile ever brought to film, though.
9. Hellraiser
I was all over this when it was announced that The Hell Priest would present feminine. If you know anything about The Hellbound Heart, then you know that this single change, mad e the new Hellraiser the most accurate adaption of that novella. And then it wasn’t. They cribbed a bit from Barkers yarn but did something wholly original with the lore, with the world, and i dug all of it. This isn’t the Hellraiser i know but it’s a Hellraiser i want to see more of.
8. The Northman
I’m a sucker for my Shakespeare adaptions and this is straight up Hamlet, but with a wildly brutal presentation and the meticulously crafted narrative from Robert Eggers. This man is fast becoming one of my favorite creatives. Dude literally only has three entries on his filmography and they’re all bangers. They’re all on my all-time list. It’s absurd how deft a storyteller this man is. His vision is only matched by his creativity and The Northman really drives that fact home.
7. Pearl
The dark horse A24 entry that made the list at the finish line. I was tempted to put X on this thing but then Pearl quietly dropped and i was absolutely captivated by Mia Goth. I’ve always been a fan of her work but Pearl really demonstrates why i love her so much. his is every bit her film as it is Ti West’s. Goth absolutely devastates as Pearl and it’s a macabre pleasure to witness. X was good and genuinely deserves a spot on this list but Pearl is everything that film was and so much more.
6. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
This one was surprising. It’s the rare sequel that is better than the original. I didn’t expect to like the first Sonic film as much as i did because of how derivative it turned out to bee, but, borderline cliche aside, i had a blast with Sonic 2. It’s weird to see but i think Hollywood is right on the cusp of properly cracking video game adaptions. Detective Pikachu, Arcane, and now this? Yeah, this feels like Batman Begins just dropped and Iron Man is just a few years away. We’ll see how Mario does next year.
5. Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness
This thing should have really been called Wanda Maximoff and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day because, goddamn! Who’d have thought that the Scarlet Witch would be up there with Killmonger, Thanos, and every villain MCU Spider-Man has faced, as one of the best antagonists in the entire MCU. Honestly, for my money, MoM was the most entertaining entry from The House of Ideas and i say the knowing i like Wakanda Forever more but this thing is re-watchable. I don’t see myself ever watching Black Panther II again. That one hurts. This one is fun.
4. Prey
Bro. Bro... Look, I've been wildly transparent about my love for all things Xeno. I love the Alien franchise and that means, by proxy, i love the Predator franchise. I’ve gushed about my love for Machiko Noguchi, the first human Predator. I’ve lamented about the missed opportunity to adapt that original AvP story line to film and hat would be lost when The Mouse House got a hold of the franchise. Prey proved me wrong. This thing is the best Predator film released to date, outside of the first, i am DYING to see what comes next. F*cking brilliant watch, all day and a real throwback to the Eighties where you had to work around tech limitations to tell your story.
3. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
This movie was an exercise in pain. I liked it, i did, but it was a rough watch. Ryan Coogler has crafted a genuinely emotional dirge requiem for Chadwick Boseman and the character of T’Challa. His shadow looms over this entire film and it weighs on your psyche as you watch. It’s heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful. It is, admittedly, flawed in a lot of places but i still enjoyed it. I still enjoyed how much love was put into this film. It’s gorgeous and a legitimately sweet good-bye to Wakanda as we knew it.
2a: Nope
Nope is one of the most authentically black films i have ever seen. This sh*t just hits different. Like, watching this thing makes me feel like i would react in the exact same ways as Em and OJ. Seriously, this is how my cousins and i would act if Jan Jacket showed up over our house. I love that. I love this movie. It’s not as good as Get Out but i think it’s the most accessible film Peele has ever made.
2b. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
I just watched this thing a few days ago and I'm still enamored with how brilliant Glass Onion is. From top to bottom, this is a tour de force in film-making and i adored every second of it. Rian Johnson gets so much sh*t for The Last Jedi but this man can craft a film with the best of them. Also, he wrote the f*cking thing! I forgot to mention that in my review but he wrote that whole movie. Story, script, screenplay; All him. It just frustrates me how brilliant this man is, and how sh*t The Last Jedi turned out.
1. Everything Everywhere All at Once
This one is easily the best film I've seen all year. Everything about it absolutely screams masterwork. This one was my A24 entry for the year an I'm glad i made the effort to check it out because, holy sh*t, is this film fantastic! Never mind all of the pretty blatant brilliance that i covered in my proper review, i just really respect the f*ck out of this trend in film to deal with generational trauma. We saw a lot of this during the year with films like Turning Red, Encanto, and even a little bit in Shang-Chi but Everything really put in the work with this sh*t. I left that theater feeling. Just, feeling. I reflected on the scars i have from my parents and how they have shaped my own worldviews. It’s rare that a film leaves me that introspective and i have to give full credit to this movie for allowing me to experience that, after so goddamn long.
Honorable Mentions: Turning Red, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Three Thousand Years of Longing, Blonde, X, Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe, Tár, Morbius (For the memes), The Black Phone, Jackass Forever, Bullet Train, Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers, Barbarian, V/H/S/99
Not Jurassic World: Dominion, though. Never Jurassic World: Dominion. That movie was terrible. Worst than Fallen Kingdom and THAT was a whole ass exercise in masochism just to watch.
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Games I beated in 2023. I just wanted to make little comments with the game as well with the small drawings I did.
Sonic Frontiers- Jan 2 - The first game I beat in 2023, it was a fun experience, I’m looking forward to the future next mainline game of Sonic to see a more polish version of this game style. I have not finished the final story DLC yet, the master king koco trial is very annoying to do, I’ll try to finish that DLC in 2024.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cowabunga Collection- Jan 11 - This is a fantastic collection of the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Konami, there’s a lot of love put into this collection with the many versions of games you can play. Also the extras in this game are fantastic with the art and designer docs from when the games were developed.
Sonic Origins- Jan 11 - It was really fun to replay the main line sega genesis games and CD again all in one package. The only sad part is that some music tracks in Sonic 3 & Knuckles had to be replaced because of music rights. Besides that it’s a good way to play these games.
Over Cooked! - Feb 12 - This was a really fun game to play. I was able to play with another person so it made everything very chaotic but it was really fun in the end. I need to play the squeal with that person as well.
Wario Ware inc. (2nd time beating it)- Feb 13 - I played this again when the GBA app came out on the Switch. It’s still a fun mini game collection.
Super Mario Land 2 6 Golden Coins 2nd time beating it - Feb 16 - Play this again as well through the Game Boy app. It’s a very fun short Mario game, it’s quite relaxing playing it again.
Tales of Symphonia Remastered (I have beaten this game so much)- Mar 10 - Despite the many technical problems with it and the Switch version having a lot more problems at launch(This has been fixed with updates.) It’s still one of my favorite games of all time. I fell in love with the gamecube version of the game and bought it once more when it came out on PS3. I have beaten all versions of this game multiple times at this point. Even after all these years I still think it’s an amazing game that anyone could enjoy and I highly recommend it. Right now I’m writing something about my favorite aspect of the game so I hope to post that some time this year. It took up most of my game time up this year since I played Symphonia 9 times all the way through in 2023. Eight times to play and watch all the scenes again and my mom happily played it with me for a playthrough, So that was a really nice experience to have my mother experience one of my favorite things ever. I love everything about this game, the characters, story, music, and other things are just amazing. I’m just rambling here now but I’ll say this, I love Tales of Symphonia.
Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright Trilogy- Mar 29 - I finally was able to play this series of games, I’ve only watched let’s plays of the original trilogy before getting this collection. This is also another game I played with my mom this year. It was really fun to play it with her as she was going through this blind. The original trilogy still has great stories and the music is great as well. Just something to add, my mother and I played The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles(Fantastic games, I love them and I was so happy to go into those two games blind. My mother really licked as well, she likes the Great Ace Attorney games more than the original trilogy but she liked both.) and finished it in 2022 and played and beat the Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright Trilogy in 2023 and now we get to play and beat the Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Trilogy in 2024. I just think it’s funny we’ve had Ace Attorney games to play and beat yearly. I can’t wait to play Apollo Justice : Ace Attorney Trilogy with my mom, since I don’t know much about the next set of Ace Attorney games.
Super Mario Advance 4 Super Mario Bros 3- Mar 30 - I played this version of the game on the Gameboy Advance app on the switch. I did an Luigi playthrough on this run and it was really fun.
Kirby’s Dreamland (2 or 3rd time beating it)- Apr 3 - I just want to replay a short Kirby game again. It was really fun.
Megaman Battle Network 1- Apr 23 - I was able to play the first game thanks to getting the Battle Network collection ( I’m separating these since they are RPGs and it takes a bit of time to beat them.). It was a fun time. It suffers a bit from the first game syndrome( I have played and beat 3 Blue and 4 Blue Moon years ago.) but still has a nice charm to it and the battle system with the battle chips is still a fun idea.
Street Fighter 2 Sega Genesis- Apr 24 - I played this on the Sega Genesis app on the switch. It was really fun and I chose to beat it with Ken since I thought it would be fun. I’m not the best at fighting games but I still had a good time.
Donkey Kong Nes- May 31 - I just wanted to play and beat a month this year, so I played DK Nes on the last day of may. It’s a fun nes game port of the arcade game.
Sonic Origins plus Amy Rose playthrough- June 24 - I played through all of the games in origin again as Amy, it was really fun to play as her and I’m happy that Amy is getting to do a lot more things in recent years.
Sunsets Riders arcade 3rd- July 30 - Played this again for a third time in July, it’s still a really beat em up game with western twist. I drew Bob since I played as him in this run. I will say I’m glad that the SNES version changed one stage quite a bit from the arcade version.
Octopath Traveler 2nd- Aug 8 - When I saw there was going to be an Octopath Traveler 2, I wanted to replay the first game again since I really liked it and wanted it to beat one again before I played two(I’m still playing that right now! Having a lot of fun with it as well.). After playing it and 100% it again, I still love this game. I really like all of the main character stories and it was fun to see them interact in small chances they had. The music is great as well and I’m still really happy about how things came together as well. The reason for the picture I tried to play this run in pairs, that didn’t quite work out but I had Alfyn and Tressa stay a pair throughout the entire run. I also ship them together so I figured it would be nice to give them that pose together.
Pokemon Violet The Teal Mask DLC- Sep 28 - It was a fun DLC chapter for this game, the story was short and good. I’m still playing the second DLC so I can’t wait to see how this story finishes. I drew my trainer Porfirio with Ogerpon as they went through the festival together.
Castlevania Legends- Oct 31 - This was my first Castlevania game, it was a fun ride and I hope to play the other games in the series. I also played this on the Gameboy app on the switch as well.
Super Mario RPG (Switch)- Nov 21 - This was a great remake with some nice quality of life enhancements. I really liked the additions of triple super move and perfect action command. The characters, story and music are charming as ever as well. It’s still a fun short and sweet RPG.
Ghost Trick (Switch) 2nd time- Dec 27 - first time I played this game was when i got it for christmas one year. I only heard that it was really good and went in completely blind, it was fantastic and became one of my favorite DS games. Years later when I saw it was going to come to modern consoles and other things I knew I had to buy it. I even imported a Japanese copy to own it physically. I played this with my mother in December as well, I still had a lot of fun with it, the characters and music are fantastic. My mother liked it as well. I would recommend playing this game and going in as blindly as possible. It's amazing.
Games I beat in 2023.
I just wanted to draw something for each game I beat in 2023. In requote from my main post, I leave a comment or two on each game.
#my art#sonic frontiers#teenage mutant ninja turtles cowabunga collection#sonic origins#over cooked!#wario ware inc.#super mario land 2 6 golden coins#tales of symphonia#ace attorney phoenix wright trilogy#super mario advance 4 super mario bros 3#kirby's dreamland#megaman battle network 1#street fighter 2#donkey kong nes#sonic origins +#sunset riders arcade#octopath traveler 1#pokemon violet the teal mask dlc#castlevania legends#super mario rpg#ghost trick phantom detective
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Sonic The Hedgehog 2 Film Review
Sonic has raced back to the silver screen in a sequel that takes everything that was great about the original and charges it up. As he faces threats both new and old, Sonic makes new friends and learns what it takes to be a real hero.
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 stars Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik and Ben Schwartz as the voice of Sonic. The film also features Sonic veteran Colleen O’Shaunessey as the voice of Tails and Idris Elba as the voice of Knuckles. James Mardsen and Tika Sumpter also return as Tom and Maddie Wachowski.
I found this movie to be more than generally acceptable. I think they did a good job of expanding on the first film. The writers added two more classic characters and more plot elements from the lore of Sonic. Sonic really got his time to shine in this one. Getting to see him adventure with Tails and battle with Knuckles not just physically but also ideologically was very fun. He’s one of the most purely good characters in cinema right now, and it’s nice to see a hero who is willing to save the day no matter what.
Tails and Knuckles were both great in the film. Knuckles was the fun and reliable sidekick he’s always been. He was integral to the plot and one of the brightest parts of the film. He looked cool using his powers and he also got to ride a plane, which was a nice touch. Knuckles proved to be a worthy foil to Sonic. His character arc through the film was good, better than I expected. I’d compare him to Drax from the GoTG films, except with his feelings of revenge focused towards Sonic and instead of Dr. Robotnik.
The additions of these characters, as well as the introduction of the Chaos and Master Emeralds, are all great ways the filmmakers have expanded the sequel with the help of the lore of Sonic. It made the film feel bigger, and gave it the feel of an adventure film as well as a superhero film. It also made Knuckle's connection to Sonic more personal, and more tragic. Also this film has a mid credits scene that introduces another classic Sonic character that I know will be really cool.
The other human characters have less screen time this time around but they were still crucial to the plot. The Wackowskis and Wade all helped Sonic and Tails save the day. I actually enjoyed Maddie’s sister in this one more than the last one, especially when she helped Maddie save Tales from a new secret government task force led by “Olive Garden Guy” from the first movie. Also how Shemar Moore looks absolutely chiseled at 51 is beyond me. I need to get me one of those Hollywood personal trainers.
This. Film. Looks. Amazing. The animation quality is some of the best I’ve ever seen, especially in a video game adaptation. Sonic and friends were able to keep their iconic looks from the games while mostly looking like they could exist in our world. The hair animation is flawless, the texture and follicles were impeccable. There’s a moment where Sonic washes up onto a beach and the sand realistically gets stuck in his hair. Props to the CG department because they really went all out on this movie. It just shows that everybody working on this film really cares about the final product.
I knew I had to end my analysis of the film with a bang, and what better a bang than talking about the human-cartoon acting god that is Jim Carrey. I enjoyed every second that Jim Carrey was on the screen. He was goofy, quirky, and absolutely unhinged. It was as if he fully channeled his Riddler energy into his performance this time around, because he was on a whole new level of bonkers in Sonic 2. It’s like his Riddler walked so his Dr. Robotnik could run. If this is the last time we see Carrey on the silver screen, then he gave us a really god damn fun one.
In closing I highly recommend you watch this delight in a theater. Get yourself a big ol bucket of popcorn, with extra butter of course, and just let yourself feel joy again. Sonic exists to bring joy to children and the parents that introduce Sonic to them. To bring joy to the older siblings who want to show their younger siblings the fun hero and all his friends. Sonic exists to bring people together. Paramount, keep everyone on board, they are making the most solid video game movies to date. And one last thing, do you have the number of Shemar Moore’s personal trainer? I wanna have nice muscles like him. Please Paramount, help a guy out!
SCORE: 8.1/10
By Julian Hayden
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Why I Find the Stories in the Sonic Comics Dislikable and Toxic than the Animated or Game Series.
I had to post this.
So pretty sure that most of the watchers that’s read my posts on here are asking “Why’re you giving so much flack and dislike to the Sonic comics?”
And to that I say “I’ve got a LONG list of said reasons!”
When the first Archie Sonic Comics came out, I got hooked on it. The stories were fun, whimsical and just as enjoyable to read as it is on the game. BUT come around the 2000′s and THIS is where the shit hit the fan...
First we had the infamous “Bitchy Sally”, where one writer had the “Brilliant idea” to not ONLY make Sally look like a bitch, but ACTED like one as well, even going as far as straight up SLAPPING Sonic for making HIS CHOICE, ON HIS OWN, about still helping to save the day!
The writer in this story, BULLSHIT MOVE, DUDE! Sally’s a FREEDOM FIGHTER who’d rather FIGHT WITH HER FRIENDS, NOT BE “Daddy’s Little Princess” and sit on a throne all day!
First off, that’s COMPLETELY OOC of her, both personality wise and romantic wise with Sonic! Second, WHY would she choose to just “Rule the kingdom inside” while her friends are on missions! In case anyone hasn’t read the past issues, she and Sonic FORMED the new Freedom Fighters AFTER the disappearance of the original Freedom Fighters! Third, YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME THAT EVERYONE WHO READ THAT INFAMOUS "SALLY SLAP" ISSUE AND BREAKUP ISSUE AREN'T PISSED AT THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT, BECAUSE HE'S JUST A BUTTHURT FANBOY WHO NEVER CARED ABOUT THE FANS OF THE COMICS, BUT ONLY CARED ABOUT HIMSELF! Fourth, Writing comics about characters acting OUT OF CHARACTER like that are NOT WANTED in the comics! Also, WE NEVER ASKED FOR ANY "REALISM" CRAP FROM ANYBODY, EVEN IF THEY'RE FANFIC WRITERS WHO SUDDENLY TURNED INTO "HEAD WRITERS"!
SPEAKING of which, people like Ian Flynn are the reason WHY the Sonic Comic fandom is toxic, along with it's fans. Ever since Ian's been the head writer in both Archie and IDW comics, he's just been throwing "Ideas" this way and that, making up excuses for why his "Ideas" are "Amazing and logical".But in all honesty, they're complete and utter crap! Especially the comics in the 2012 issues: Sally's robotization with no clear explanation on WHY she's the ONLY ONE to be robotized (PRETTY SURE that Sonic, Eggman and Snively WEREN'T the oNLY LIVING BEINGS on that damn Death Egg or whatever!) Bunnie's derobotization via MAGIC OF THE CHAOS EMERALD! (She had her ORIGINAL robotized limbs SURGICALLY REMOVED and REPLACED WITH PROSTHETIC LIMBS, so her being derobotized wouldn't even HAPPEN!) Bunnie abandoning her friends to seek "gaining robotic limbs again". (Utter OOC ridiculouness! She's not just abandoning her friends here, she's ALSO putting Antoine's sacrifice in VAIN and WORTH NOTHING!) Robian/AI hate. (This was already, ALREADY, done in the past issues with Robian Racism, NOW we have this no nonsense AI Racism against NICOLE, who BUILT THE CITY for the citizens, and Ian just made them sound like a bunch of ungrateful racists because "OH, she was BRAINWASHED and used for EVIL! SHE'LL DESTROY US ALL!!!" Bunch of crap that wasn't needed or asked...) Oh and the fact that the editor's "Allowed" Ian's "Other M" universe to exist in the comic...Last time I checked, that was Ian's PERSONAL FAN COMIC, not finished btw! So for them to bring THAT tripe into the "Official Sonicverse", nope! Shouldn't have happened! Fan characters maybe, but NOT fan worlds... It sounds like a Delusional Fanboy Dream.... SMH
And can we talk about how Ian basically did ANOTHER year long "Arc" with the ZOMBOT VIRUS? His stories, just like the ones in Archie, NEVER made sense! "Metal virus can infect organic things, but NOT inorganic things. But make it so that if it touches any article of clothing on a character's body, they're instantly turned into a Zombot."Uh, what kind of logic is THAT? Yeah, that's like saying "Zombies turn living beings into zombies from being attacked, but let's make it so that they can turn items like plushies and electronics into zombies as well, for added SHOCK VALUE!". Bullshit alert...I mean it's fine that everyone liked the arc, but I don't. Firstly, we already have a BUNCH of Zombie Apocalypse things in media already. From Pride and Prejudice to the Archie Gang. It's just... It feels more like a trend than a genre anymore, and doing that every time just makes it feel "Blah" in the future. And second, WHY was Ian even writing arcs for ANOTHER year or two now, AGAIN!? The first time was in the Archie Sonic, and that lasted for 2+ YEARS! Do you have ANY idea how pissed off I was about that? To wait and wait and wait for ANYTHING about when Sally was going to rescued, Bunnie to come back or Antoine to awaken again, only to hear that "The Editors wanted the Freedom Fighters to be cut out permanently." or whatever, "But Ian saved the day by CONVINCING them to keep them around!" or whatever! Only to give us some bullshit excuses for the continuous "Arc" because "Realism, yo! Gotta make the comics as close to REAL as possible!"
IT'S A COMIC BOOK BASED ON A SONIC CARTOON SERIES, IT ALREADY HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF DRAMA AND "DARKNESS" BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG!
And to make the rest of the fans WAIT and WAIT until you were READY to finish the arc, is STUPID! NOT TO MENTION THAT IT WAS NEVER RESOLVED BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN KEN PENDERS COURT CASE! So you guys just shrugging your shoulders and being like "Welp, time to just leave it unfinished and do a reboot fo the comic series" is a pisspoor move!
And on top of THAT, some of the fans are cleaning up YOUR MESSES and picking up where you guys failed and left off! Which ALSO meant that they have to ANSWER THE UNANSWERED QUESTIONS YOU HACKS NEVER COMPLETELY ANSWERED! So THANKS, DUDES. THANKS for just giving up on the fans!But the one thing that pissed me off even more, was when Ian and another person BASICALLY wrote off the "SonSal" pairing and went straight into the Sally/Nicole pairing! As in a living being and an AI being a COUPLE! Before you guys throw any hate at me, I want to point out that I have no problem with any characters being in the LGBT+ community, nor have any problems with shipping which characters. But to just suddenly make Sally and Nicole into a couple...Why? No seriously, why? To me, Sally and Nicole were more like best friends and sisters, not to mention that shipping a character that's alive with a character that's nothing but artificial intelligence and robotics is....Again, WHY?And from wht I heard, Ian's excuse was because "I'm sick of the SonSal/SonAmy fights going on, so those couples DON'T EXIST TO ME!" is just being a man-child who won't, once again, care about the fans. Oh and the toxicity from the SalCole pairing is beyond stupid, especially on Twitter. I made a comment about how I only saw Sally and Nicole as sister and best friends more than a couple, but this "Bitch" decides to jab her two cents in my face and be like "OH WELL THEY'RE AN ACTUAL COUPLE BECAUSE IT'S CANON, BLAH BLAH BLAH!" (I wish I had the Tweets, but I blocked this toxic person because "I'M right and YOU'RE (Me) WRONG! And ALSO, I'm a part of the LGBT+ Community so that makes me even MORE RIGHT!" mentality is beyond stupid!)I also want to point out that her excuse as for why she thinks the SalCole pairing is "Canon" is because "Well this woman in the staff MADE it canon and whatever, so...Here's proof of that bullshit that went down: https://twitter.com/MistyKSnow/status/1455694958891913217 And this: https://twitter.com/CooperGal24/status/1455699902957293570Also, congratulations @MISTYKSNOW, you've not ONLY made yourself look like a complete jackass by calling everybody HOMOPHOBIC and QUEERPHOBIC, you're ALSO defending your "Logic" with NO proof or evidence that Sally and Nicole were EVER a couple! Like I said in that Twitter post: JUST STARGAZING AND NICOLE BEING A LIVING PERSON TEMPORARILY! IT ISN'T BEING GAY! Also, this was in the 2000's, so the LGBT+ community was slowly rising at that point I believe. You're wrong, don't force your opinions on others. Also ALSO, what part of "NO ONE ASKED!" do you NOT get at all!? No one asked for YOUR penny, so mind your own damn business!
Ya know, I’ve once read an article about how Mario Bros, Kirby and Metroid were ORIGINALLY planned to be a comic series in the Archie Comics, but Nintendo decides to throw that idea away because they don’t like it... Methinks that all of this bullshit in the Sonic Comics, along with the toxicity from fans, just MIGHT be the real reason why the folks at Nintendo don’t want their franchises being a part of the Archie Comic series.
And while this is a big loss for the fans, I think Nintendo dodged a major nuke missile here.
I mean, can you IMAGINE the “Stories” that would’ve been written here? Kirby’s homeworld blowing up into cosmic pieces, Samus being reduced to a Fanboy’s wet horny dream by being the “Dumb Blonde with the mind of a Bimbo”, and about as MUCH drama in the Mario comics to make the soap opera shows of today look like a comedy skit...?
Like I said, NUKE MISSILE DODGED! ANYWAYS, that's why I find the Sonic Comics a WHOLE lotta toxic here, and you can see why now, too. Sorry for the vent, but hope you guys have a great day!
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► BASICS ... ??
· PEN NAME: Sparkle.
· PRONOUNS: He / him.
· ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn. Literally do not give a single damn about zodiac signs but hearing about them and all that is interesting. I’m a goat.
· TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single. Would like to be taken but I don’t trust dating sites.
► THREE FACTS ... ??
· I have a certificate in Art and a diploma in Graphic Design !!
· I grew up with the Playstation 2 and many of the games inspired me to pursue cartoons and animation as my passion. I also wish to make a video game one day because of their way to explore stories no other medium can.
· My favorite video games are Kingdom Hearts 2, Metal Gear Rising, and Asura’s Wrath. One of my favorite movies is Shin Godzilla. Current favourite animes are Jujutsu Kaisen, Madoka Magica, and My Hero Academia. Most recent stuff I’ve watched is Oddtaxi, Spy X Family and Black Clover.
► EXPERIENCE ... ??
· PLATFORMS USED: Discord, tumblr and I used deviantart for the longest time until the update came along and made all the profiles look hideous. Place was also kinda dead so ... I tried my luck here. I also did Youtube roleplay when I was super young.
· I started back in 2014-ish on deviantart playing Adagio Dazzle from MLP before going onto Peko, but if we want to be specific I’d say 2008 with Youtube RP with a group of three friends. We met up every day just to fuck around with DBZ fights and plots with muses of Sonic OCs and Pokemon OCs; it was amazing.
► MUSE PREFERENCE ... ??
· GENDER: At first I didn’t think I had a preference, but then I realized all of my muses are ... girls. It never struck me at first, but I don’t know why — I just like girls.
· LEAST FAVORITE FACE(S): Personally, I don’t give a damn about face claims. As in I don’t care whoever you use - play them as a character however you want.
· MULTI OR SINGLE: I’ve used single accounts for the longest time, but I cannot recommend multi-muses enough. Not only do you not have to make a new page and set your shite everytime you want to try someone new, but even if they don’t work out it’s not a big deal.
► FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ... ??
· FLUFF: Having times where muses calm down from the hardened persona’s a lot of them are crafted out to be to just be kind and relax with another soothes the soul. I don’t do them a lot compared to angst or memes, but just having a time for your muse to be happy tends to make me feel happier.
· ANGST: Angst is probably the most I’ve written out of these three ?? It is a lot of fun to consider the darker side of your muse and writing it out. I know everyone kinda does the meme of “ haha my muse about to have bad time ” but there is an interest of how dark you can be with your muse. Having them come out the other side is interesting.
· SMUT: I’ve done no smut in tumblr RP - mostly because of people’s rules and I mostly reserve anything lewd related. Also people are really really angry for certain muses doing lewd stuff. I don’t do any of that and I’m against minors doing lewd stuff. If I were to do smut RP, it be in Discord with close friends.
· PLOT / MEMES: I personally like to meme and plot! I think memes are easier since they’re more digestible and just ... kinda easier to think up on the spot. I love to talk plot with other people, but I tend to notice that plotted stuff gets dropped more frequently. I don’t know if that’s me or if I’m unlucky - but after talking so long about plots only for them to get dropped it’s kinda sad. I love plotting but I just don’t do it as much nowadays.
tagged : @cantillat tagging : anyone interested !!
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Blue Blur Buddy (Sonic Tribute)
I've been interested in the Sonic series since I was a kid and recently getting back into it, has made me feel a lot of emotions, so I put some of it into a poem. (I occasionally write poetry, I hadn’t written one in a while, so I wrote one about Sonic)
written on the 10th May 2022:
The clouds float up in the sky As Time flies by When I’d run across the playground The blustery winds overshadowing the sound Feeling adventurous Reminiscent of my blue pal Zooming past each path He’d feel so illustrious Collecting gems Spending time with his friends Defeating evil robots His free-spirited attitude never stopped Once upon a Dreamcast A particular release was Soaring in popularity A Steadfast protagonist With his furry buddies Teaming up to save The Galaxy Escaping from The City Serious subtext And kickass Soundtrack Years later I had awoken At last Entering the world Which I’d observe Finding out about Toys, music and Television I’d find my new Obsessions Most of which From a interesting Nation Through these channels I found my blue pal His journeys felt So free His look and Personality Filled me with Glee A compassionate Pixel creature Also quite the Teacher Warning me About pollution Road safety evil scientists And misuse of power His popularity For some Went sour Different graphics Rushed projects Weird associations Despite this This azure fella Is one of my Favourite fiction Creations Time to move On to another level Getting more into Anime and Metal The Teenager zone Had a different tone No longer in the sunflower filled Green hill I felt so arcane It wasn’t the same Watching the animations made me Nostalgic It Got me to think When I got into The hobby of Collecting gems It reminded me Of them When I got glimpses Of his face It was like he was Reminding me to Smile Made me remember The good old days Even if it was just for a while On bad days Listening to his music Is like rain being Interrupted by the Sunshine A positive sign There’s a lot I love About video games But the spiky speedster Running down those lanes He’s a character that means A lot to me He helped me figure out Who I wanted to be A chill kind rebel confident and sarcastic his shows and games Are such classics He provides such Fun escapism If this was a video essay I’d have so much more to say In my head, when I feel Overwhelmed and stressed Thinking about him Reminds me that I’m not a mess He also looks amazing In a dress The snarky fav Of most 90s gamers With abilities so powerful He is beyond gender While I didn’t join until The millennial My love for him Feels so ethereal Makes me cheerful Catching rings Racing cars Energized in his Super form Bright like a star He’s so sweet and cute We even have similar boots Exploring his world Made me feel seen Smiling at his picture On the monitor screen Remembering my Treasured memories Of this character and series He’s like a childhood friend Our great times never end Blue and sketchy my digital hedgiebestie The little guy I adore Blue blur speeding off With the air His emerald green eyes Glisten against the Space background Looking so cosmic The iconic…Sonic
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nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.
Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.
Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process.
First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.
Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria.
Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.
Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.
Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.
[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it---because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree---so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.
The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible.
With that out of the way, let me dive right into it.
5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog
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Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11
Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.
For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower.
BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.
4. Pat Will Not Tweet at Nintendo This Week Because He is Resting at Home — PLEASE RETWEET, Episode 12
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Entertainment: 5 Education: 0 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +1 Total Score: 11
I know I’m breaking a rule I set for myself a few paragraphs earlier by including an episode of Please Retweet, which counts as a video series, but this is my post and I can do whatever I want. More importantly, this video is so fucking funny to me, it feels like it would be a crime not to put it in this list.
Solid 5 out of 5 for entertainment. Pat Gill, alone in his apartment, drinking six cans of what I think is beer silently while the intro music plays. That scene in itself should win an Oscar. Sadly, a solid 0 for Education, because I learn nothing in this video except for the fact that Pat Gill is the type of person to put out a coaster and then just completely not use it. I quantify things as educational if I can maybe answer a trivia question with them, and unfortunately, this fact does not pass that test. In terms of Exaltation, seeing Pat Gill lie down on the floor next to his cat made me get out of bed to do the same with my dog, and with myself thusly out of my bed cocoon of sadness, I was able to actually complete tasks on the day I watched this video. Perfect 5.
BONUS: Pat is +1 hot in this because there’s something very beautiful about him being a little bit miserable. However, I do miss his beard when I watch this video. It is one of my favorite things about him, and it is not present here.
3. Pat and Simone Play Human: Fall Flat
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Entertainment: 5 Education: 1 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: 0 Total Score: 11
I very much enjoy Polygon’s gameplay streams. I often play them in the background while I’m doing other stuff like doodling or origami, but this stream is special. It is special because of the moment at 24:00 when Pat Gill, in game, swings a stereo into a glass window, shattering it, while saying, “Actually, y’know what? Let’s talk about trauma.” and then proceeds to tell a horrible and embarrassing story from his childhood where he had to do a rap about Ancient Egypt.
5 points for Entertainment. This is partly because of Pat’s tragic childhood story about the Egypt Rap (and, segue just to point out 33:22 the incredible moment where you can hear Pat’s feral panic when Simone finds the lyrics to the Egypt Rap) but also because Pat and Simone just talking to each other is so deeply entertaining to me in a very comfy way. I’m starved for human interaction, in this quarantime, okay. Let me enjoy listening to other people have conversations while playing video games. Education scores a 1 because, again, nothing in this video will let me answer a trivia question, however it does get 1 point and not a 0 because the Egypt Rap’s lyrics are in the comments and I did end up learning stuff about Ancient Egypt that I didn’t know. A perfect 5 for Exaltation because this video showed me that talking about trauma can actually be cathartic, given that you’re trashing a video game living room at the same time, and I think that message of not bottling up your experiences really helped me, in these trying times.
BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for the entirety of this episode, so he scores the standard 0. I’m sure he was hot. We just couldn’t see him.
2. Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the same thing
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Entertainment: 4 Education: 4 Exaltation: 3 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 12
Ah yes, one of Pat’s “x is y because of z” videos. He’s made a number of these and they’re all very good but this one is my favorite among them and earns a spot on this list because 1) I think puppets are cool and 2) I fucking love monsters.
This video scores a 4 on Entertainment, just shy of perfect, because as funny as it is, it also gives me the vibe like I am being lectured by a professor who’s just a little bit off the shits. And we all know that lectures are supposed to be taken seriously. Which brings us to Education, which also scores a 4. I learned a lot in this video! Watching Pat Gill explain to me that children’s puppets and these horrifying viddy game monsters use the same character principles in different ways is not only very educational but is also explained in a streamline and easy to understand manner that I WISH some of the shitty professors at my old university could emulate. As for Exaltation, while this video did give me enough energy to have a meal, I did eventually end up back in bed for the night at 8pm crying myself to sleep, thinking “I’m like the slime scholar. Used to be a scholar. Now they’re slime.”
BONUS: Pat Gill is +2 hot here. He’s rockin that basic ass monochromatic aesthetic and I love his look dearly.
1. Preparing for Big Boy Season in Red Dead Redemption 2
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Entertainment: 5 Education: 3 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +3 Total Score: 16
Here we are. My favorite non video series Pat Gill video. The video where Pat Gill tries to make Red Dead Redemption 2 protagonist, Arthur Morgan, large.
Perfect fucking 5 for Entertainment, which I’m sure many may find odd. Afterall, this video is told in a serious investigative tone reminiscent of Vox’s videos on current issues. But that’s the glory of it. The complete and utter ‘playing it straight and serious’ for a ridiculous issue in a video game. It is high tier comedy in a subtle, understated way that sings to my comedy loving heart in a melody so lovely, so wonderful, that it urged me to give this video 5 points for Entertainment. It scores 3 on Education, because I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, nor will I ever, but now I know things about it. The information was also relayed to me in a very interesting style, via something like a crime procedural, and thus it was engaging for me to absorb all this new knowledge. Exaltation scores a perfect 5 because of this video’s beautiful end about existential smallness. No joke, but hearing Pat Gill say “Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom we shared the world.” deadass made me want to talk to my friends again after conversationally isolating myself for 3 days. Preparing for Big Boy Season has a special place in my heart. And there it will stay.
BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for most of the video but he does appear for like 15 seconds in the middle of it, and guess what. He’s hot. +3 hotness. Good beardage, good hair, all in all, good Pat Gill.
So there you have it. My five favorite Pat Gill videos. If you read this whole thing, holy shit. You’re welcome, I guess.
#this is what im using my degree in creative writing for i guess#polygon#pat gill#pat gill thirst jail#patrick gill#nobody asked but
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Segaworld Memories
As a kid in the 90s, I rabidly read Sonic the Comic (the UK comic made by Egmont Fleetway). Totally into Sega and Sonic at the time I read about this magical place called Segaworld, located in The Trocadero, London. I was so excited, my imagination filling it up into this amazing place. Despite living in Dublin, I so wanted to visit.
And so it eventually came to be that Mum and I were in London, looking for Segaworld! So lucky and thankful!
The building was actually a bit hard to find at first, it was about 7 stories (going by recollection), but it was part of a "terrace" of other buildings. But then we caught the decoration of Sonic above the entrance, and knew it was the right place.
After paying a double figure fee, we took the escalator. I knew from a magazine that this was how it worked, the escalator took you to the top, and you made your way down on stairs. The escalator was surrounded by these neon rings around it, which made it feel cool. Also I don't think it was continuous.
At the top, I saw a big statue of Sonic and felt so excited. There was also a Segasonic the Arcade cabinet. You know, the one with Ray and Mighty. I'd heard about this but for some reason I didn't play it. I've since heard it had a trackball but I don't remember that detail.
And so I wandered around excited. Unfortunately, it gradually occurred to me that Segaworld was mostly an big arcade. One you still had to pay for each play, despite the entrance fee. I accepted it, but it meant I had to be selective with what games I played.
I played a Jurassic Park shooting game, and also think I played that game where you used actual bicycle pedals to fly your virtual craft around an open area. Other stuff like Virtual Cop too.
Generally speaking, we're talking about a lot of arcade cabinets and machines, somewhat themed by floor (each floor had a different theme). One floor even had a more carnival theme where you could earn tickets for prizes... but that wasn't all.
You see, each floor aimed to have a star attraction, something super cool and fun!
One of them was a VR game at a big scale. We walked into a theatre like area (rows of seats, etc) where each seat had a VR headset and some controls with buttons on them at the armrest. After putting on the headset, the "warmup" scene was a 3D simplified recreation of the theatre. I was sitting at the same seat! Even cooler, everyone wearing a headset was represented in the virtual theatre by a 3d humanoid model that was also wearing a headset.
I turned to my left where my Mum was sitting and saw a virtual person there. I called "Mum can you hear me? See me? I can see you but you look different" the model turned to face me and I heard Mum's voice outside the headset saying "I can see you and you look different too." It's cool since the system was clearly making everyone's model move in respect to the real world headset movements. Only the heads though, when I looked down I could see my virtual hands on the controls, even when I took my real hands off of them.
The game itself involved flying through a cityscape, while enemy craft flew around, and you shot them by pressing a button that would make you shoot bright lasers/projectiles wherever you were looking, or at least, wherever your head was facing. It was novel though I didn't like how it literally didn't track your eyes so you could shoot exactly where you looked.
I think there was another VR thing outside which I tried out, no strong memories.
But another thing I was looking forward to was the bumper car system where you could shoot at other cars. Unfortunately, it wasn't that busy when we visited. Good for a lot of other stuff there, but bad for a bumper car thing like this since not many other people were on the field.
Anyway, unlike regular bumper cars, these ones were much taller, you sat down properly, and surrounding you were windows with tough wire mesh protecting you.
It turned out, you weren't allowed to actually bump other cars, but that's okay, because the main thing you did was drive over balls that were scattered around the ground, and after your buggy picked them up, you could shot them straight out using a gun that you could control the tilt of (the angle was of course controlled by turning the car itself, at least so I recall).
Your target was a literal target at the top of the other cars, so you had to align things and get the trajectory right.. or you could just suck up enough balls and blind fire.
It was fun and novel. I did dislike the lack of actually bumping cars and maybe I felt it could have been a bit better. But honestly, at no other time in my life have I played something in the real world that let you shoot something at someone else's vehicle. It was fun.
There were a few other star attractions too, but those two are the ones I remember the most.
I'll be honest, I was a bit disappointed by Segaworld especially at first. I'd expected an amazing magical themepark and instead I got a deluxe arcade.. but I still liked arcades, and some of its unique attractions were just that: Unique!
Oh, and I forgot one of the best parts: The gift shop. Full of Sonic and Sega merch! What's more, around that time I'd missed some recent issues of Sonic the Comic. I'd just had trouble getting my hands on them, they were getting rarer, and I was fearing that I would end up stop reading it after missing so many in a row... but then I found, right there in the shop, not just selling the most recent episode of Sonic the Comic, but also the 4 most recent issues, neatly filling the gap. I bought the missing issues and later on in a family friend's house in London, I excitedly read through them catching up on what I missed. Hence, I didn't stop reading the series, and would ultimately keep reading the series until it went fully reprint.
So yeah, Segaworld may not have been fully what I expected but I had a fun and memorable time there regardless, with some unique experiences I'll always remember. It was a great feeling to have something I was passionate about have a physical representation in the real world, I'm so thankful I had the chance to go when it was still active, and I'm very appreciative of the memories I have.
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Thoughts on Castlevania 3? And any words of farewell to the Classic Castlevania games while you're at it? .P
This is how you sequel. The original Castlevania was... good on its own merits, but at the end of the day didn't leave me much of an impression beyond "okay why is it now bullshit hard". Castlevania 3 takes every feature of the original and improves on it, plus adds something of its own. ... Well, it sure didn't fix the controls, and in fact they're even jankier than in the original (I accept that it may be my fault that the game didn't always make me crouch, but there's no excuse for the stairs). That's my major complaint.
(also fuck level 9.)
However! I'm amazed by the fact that this game has 15 levels, of which you play 10 in one playthrough - that is a massive jump compared to the original's 6. The partner system is also a very fun way to spice things up - I was afraid that I'd solely rely on Sypha because man her ball-casting spell can make a joke out of bosses, but no, Trevor's whip was actually useful at times! It was much more balanced than Rondo of Blood. (I wonder if Grant would have been enough of a game breaker for me to forget Trevor though :P)
I never played with Alucard, though, but from what I've heard, I didn't miss much, dude's the weakest character, and he's not even as handsome as he will become post-SOTN :P
Graphically, the game is gorgeous, although sometimes there is too much shit on the screen and the poor framerate can't keep up. The fog effects? Beeautiful. The forest in particular had a great aesthetic, and the clock tower reminded me of Metal Man stage!
That's a very good looking palette.
The music... ah man. Too many bangers to list. I was already familiar with Beginning (duh), Aquarius and Riddle, but Clockwork and Mad Forest deserve a mention too. The soundtrack keeps that mix of NES style and gothic, but I feel like it edges more towards the dramatic, and even unsettling at times.
And this concludes my adventure with the Classicvania series! I didn't play all of them, but I'd say 6 was enough :P
It's really hard for me to explain the appeal. With Metroid, I got it immediately: exploring, becoming stronger, finding secrets, learning the lore of an alien world... But Classicvania, at its core, is yet another platformer made deliberately hard for the purpose of convincing kids to buy games instead of renting them.
I once said that once you learn the rhythm, avoiding enemies becomes fun. And I think this is what makes the style so addictive: you, with your limited tools (and even physics most of the time), are tasked to understand the right strategy to get to the end alive: move this way, jump that way, learn how to use the subweapons, feel the timing of the whip, go slow here and go fast there. You said "remember when you thought Sonic 2 for Game Gear was hard", and I still say, Sonic 2 was mean and unfair, and most of its difficulty came from elements you couldn't control like the small screen. Castlevania rarely felt unfair, and in fact reminded me of Eggmanland if I have to make a Sonic comparison: it knows it's bullshit, it doesn't hide its bullshitness, but it gives you all the tools necessary to beat the level without having to resort to dumb stuff like leaps of faith or guessing randomly. You want to beat the game, you want to prove you're as good as it believes you to be. Add interesting levels to look at, soundtracks made of masterpieces, and some memorable gimmicks, and you're sold!
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Thoughts on Motherland: Fort Salem (So Far)
Hey so I know I may be a little behind on this one, but I’ve finally binge-watched Motherland: Fort Salem and I’ve had alot swirling around in my head about it for the last few days. This is a little bit of a review and a little bit of rant, but there will be SPOILERS ahead which I’ll try to mark accordingly.
I think the concept for this show is so fucking cool. Really and truly, alternate history in which the witches of Salem made a deal with the Massachusetts Bay Colony to form a military and fight the New World’s wars in exchange for mercy from extermination essentially. So they form a Witch Army. And Army of Witches!! That’s fucking cool. It is. Sadly, I think the concept may be entirely too cool for Freeform.
By that I mean to say that this super cool and entirely edgy idea is just too heady for Freeform to do properly. This idea belongs on HBO or Netflix, because those networks thrive on subject matter like Motherland: Fort Salem. (Sidenote: wtf is it called that? Just name the show ‘Fort Salem’. That kinda tells us everything we need to know about the premise right there in two word. Adding ‘Motherland’ in there just makes it too long and oddly Russian.)
There are just alot of little things about this show that kept it from realizing what I felt could have been some pretty amazing potential. I’ll try to organize those little things as best I can. But the one big problem I had while watching this was that the best thing about this show is it’s alternate history premise isn’t given enough attention.
What I mean is...I’m interested in the show, because I’m interested in what the world (what America) might have looked like if we had a military operated by supernaturally powered women for the past 300+ years. And Fort Salem just doggedly refuses to actually show me that world. The show doesn’t like to explain itself or really explore what it means to be a woman (witch or otherwise) in this alternative America. Most of the show takes place on Fort Salem, a military headquarters of sorts that is mostly strife with political games, attack strategies, training drills, and odd rituals. I have so many questions about this world: Are non-witch women treated differently due to the fact that their country is run and protected by women? There’s a female president in this timeline, so that’s certainly a possibility. If there are male witches as well, why don’t they fight in the same army as the female witches? And since they don’t fight in the main army, what is their mysterious role in this world? We see them making weapons and babies, that’s about it. In 1x5 “Bellweather Season”, the unit goes to a wedding which celebrates a 5 year contract of marriage between the couple. What’s up with that? Why only 5 years? Are they expected to have a child during this time period? if they do have a child are they expected to stay together longer than the 5 years? How many times are the male witches expected to get married? How many children are expected or allowed? Because this show is full of only-children which is statistically different from our own reality. How long are wicthes expected to serve in the military? They’re entire lives? We don’t see any female witches living as civilians at any age (other than Tally’s mother due to tragic circumstances).
What is the source of the witches powers exactly? They’re abilities are sonic/auditory in nature, usually requiring the use of their vocal cords. Why? How? There are brief moments where it seems like sound is less necessary like when Raelle heals, or when the witches use Linking to connect to one another. There is also the use of herbs/drugs to fly, that doesn’t seem to require sound at all.
We’re told the female witches get some kind of power-up or energy boost from having sex (or perhaps just feeding off the sexually energy?) with the male witches. Hence, the Beltane orgy ceremony in episode 1x04. What’s up with that? Does this power-boast only come from sex with male witches or would sex with human men do just as well? Would human men have a less potent effect? And is the power-boost depended on heterosexuality? Because throughout Raelle & Scylla’s sexually relationship no such power-up is ever mentioned.
See so many questions, that the show simply doesn’t feel the need to answer. I understand the desire to avoid bogging down a show with exposition. But their are ways to do exposition right and in interesting ways. Exposition is sometimes necessary, because the more the audience knows about this world, the more rich and detailed, and so close to real is is to them, the more likely they are to be invested in it.
And make no mistake the world and my curiosity about it is what kept me watching.
For much of this first season, the characters don’t have any room to become people. I don’t dislike these characters, but they have yet to really bloom into more than archetypes (Abigail: the legacy, the leader, the overachiever. Tally: the innocent, the hopeful, the lynchpin. And Raelle: the rebel, the cynic, the shitbird)
Alot of time in the early episodes were spent following the same formulate. Raelle runs off, ditching training to go wander around and finds Scylla. Abigail and Tally follow after her, because they need her to do well in training because they pass or fail as a unit. I can not even tell you how many times Raelle causally ditches training, gets caught, gets told how much trouble she’s in, and then doesn’t actually face any consequences at all. She has to do guard duty overnight once. And that was just for being late, not even all the times she leaves in the middle or doesn’t show up for training at all!
I just wish this show focused on different beats in the pulse of this story, and made more of an effort explore this world and these characters through the lens of 3 young women who have just been essentially drafted into the military. Instead of skipping all that training I wish I could have seen so much more of it! That would have been a fantastic way to explain this world’s magic system to the audience! It’s built-in easy action-paced exposition right there! That the show just has no interest in.
And at last, I’ll talk about the show’s main romantic pair, Raelle x Scylla. Sigh. I’m not hardcore against this pairing. I’m really not. But I am frustrated with the way the writers chose to unfold their relationship. We find out early on that Scylla is an agent of the Spree (big bad witchy terrorists), and I hate that. Because then they try to make me ship Raelle x Scylla even though I already know that shit is going to end in pain and betrayal. I cam’t ship something that I already know is built on lies, dude. I just can’t. That could have been a big awesome emotionally reveal in the later half of the season, instead of the dreadful thing I was anticipating from basically the very beginning. I’m as big a fan of enemies-to-lovers as anyone, but not like this. It’s more fun when both parties know they’re enemies, you know what I mean?
Anyway, I know it’s easy to point at the writers/devlopers and say “Man, I would have done this so differently...” but in Fort Salem’s case it’s my biggest take away.
Even from the very first opening scene, where the Spree (Scylla herself) commits a frightening and ruthless act of terrorism at the mall. Okay, big bad introduction for the Spree there. But how about introducing the audience to the world of this alternate history first? Use that awesome premise. Do a cold open, Salem, Mass 1692 Sarah Adler is about to be hanged as a witch until she opens her mouth and changes the world forever. Show me that. Set the stage of history. The villains could have come later. They always do.
All in all, I don’t hate this show ( I know this may have turned out more rant than review, but...) I was just really disappointed by the execution of a premise I felt had great potential. But, it’s not necesarily too late. Season two can still course correct and pull us into this world outside the fort’s walls, and manage to bring the characters into their own as they find their way back to one another. I’ll keep watching, because if this show did anything for me, it made me curious.
#motherland fort salem#freeform#the unit#bellweather unit#abigail bellweather#raelle collar#raelle x scylla#tally craven#sarah adler#salem witch trials#witch tv shows#spooky season#tv rant#tv review#thoughts on fandom#thoughts on fort salem#fort salem#motherland fort salem s1#motherland fort salem season one#tv recommendations
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