#it’s 50°c and yeah
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when the prayer room is the coldest place in the whole building you find people laying around as if it’s their bedroom
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It'll be a cold day in hell before i start hating winter more than summer
#★ phantompost#The summer kicked in VERY suddenly here and jesus christ this is hell without an AC#yeah yeah winter is cold etc just Bundle up. get layers. thermal wear. come on#With summer though its like my computer is a glorified space heater thats constantly 50 degrees C you fucking tell me what to do
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apparently act 3 is when I need to push through the desire to start playing a new character, because now that I'm there with Iona too, I'm struck by an intense urge to play this pretty asshole
particularly struck by the thought of how fucked his whole situation must be under that armor
like, being born to druids but with no magic of his own, growing up, he never really needed to learn practical skills like dressing a wound, or anything of the sort (what's the point if your mom can just wave vaguely in your direction and whatever issue you have is gone). But when he left and found himself on his own.... given how stubborn he is, he probably learned all his battle- and survival skills by pure trial and error.
I imagine he has a number of weird and wonky, poorly stitched and awkwardly healed old scars, all over his body. Boken many bones, gotten into weird accidents, and has gotten many a bad infection before, too- really, it's a borderline miracle that he still has not only all his limbs, but all his fingers and toes too.
No wonder that he has 16 con to his (currently) 17 dex and his 8 int; without being preternaturally healthy and hardy, he'd easily be a decade dead. nah, this boy is just rawdogging life, smashing his head against walls and hoping that they'll break before his skull does.
i've played him for only like an hour, and I simultaneously hate and love this asshole cockroach of a man so much already
#oc: petyr wildbrook#squirrel plays bg3#I feel like every story he tells about himself is going to be met with at least one “..... okay how are you still alive”#like.... “one time I drank from a river and was shitting myself to death for a solid tenday- got better though”#“oh yeah this is just like that time I fell like 50-ish feet off a cliff- yeah I was fine just broke my leg”#“no yeah i just walked home and set it there; it was fine”#“hey wanna see the gnarly scar from when i first tried to sew myself up? yeah I got roaring drunk first; for anesthesia purposes”#“yeah that's why it's so wonky”#“well that and the horrible infection I got from it but after like a tenday of running a 40°C fever it healed fine”#“yeah i just had to reopen it to drain the puss and it was okay”#“oh it was NOT fun lol but hey it did work so who's the idiot”#Shadowheart will have to cradle his face in her hands and tell him very intently that his mantra#of “if it looks stupid but works it's not stupid”#doesn't exactly work that way when it comes to things like. healing.#plot twist it's not the change in her divine allegiances that turned her hair white#she just realized that this man is now officially her boyfriend and went instantly grey
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DISCIPLES OF THE LAND >> MINER
#ffxiv#ffxiv gpose#'yeah i'll take this slow maybe i'll 1-50 my gatherers together what could go wrong'#uhm. picked up today > lvl 42. from like. leves and shiny rocks and the job quests.#c o n s u m e d /lh. anyway. he's so pretty. [sighs]#vs: ouroboros | xiv!tyr
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bweeeeeeeee
#personal#i am baby bunny mode (not sexual!!!!)#my wife's been playin viddie games w/ her friends so i took over the living room#and have had a muppets double feature (2011 one first and now 2014)#OH HERE SHE COMES#anyway yeah c: i played my own viddie games too#i rented the mario x rabbids kingdom something game from the library and im a little over 50% thru#tho it's getting very very hard#nd it may be quittin time soon for that game d:#(not a judgement statement but just kind of a fact: i am Not the best at video games. i didnt play many until like 3y ago)#i have a really fuzzy oversized blanket hoodie on rn too c:#its tan and a similar shade to my skin and it makes me feel so cutie baby bunny :3
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If only Sabo and Ace had seen Luffy's journey, how their idiot crybaby weak little brother withstood more pain and heartache and rage than ever conceivable and yet stood back up and smiled after the battle was won. It makes me sick thinking about it
#yeah sabo got sploded and ace litcherally died. but did they carry two unconscious people up a perfectly vertical 5k meter mountain#in a snow country with temperatures below -50°c‚ no coat or pants‚ no gloves or footwear of any kind#frostbitten beyond belief‚ palms and feet shredded to mincemeat on the side of the rocks#only to find out later there was an elevator up to the top. and he simply reacts with ''oh neat!''#none of his crewmates knowing the extent of what he did but one. treating it as if it were nothing
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Dear Problematic Siblings; An Open Letter to Older Siblings Survivors from a Youngest Sibling Survivor
(TW: Some levels of emotional abuse, neglect and psychological abuse mentioned. Not sure what level of detail to warn since its that whole Trauma Thing where you don't know what is and isn't 'that bad' so just be careful if any of those are particularly touchy topics)
Don't think too formal of this writing despite the formal sounding title, this is a bit of an open free form letter I wanted to put out to those who have siblings you aren't in contact with or don't have a relationship with following an abusive childhood environment may that be due to having to cut contact for safety or bad blood from how you hurt each other growing up.
I am / We are the youngest of two sisters - one older by 6~ years, the other older by 4~ years and our household was unsafe since before I was born. In theory, my oldest sister might have seen the abuse arise, maybe my middle sister had a bit of time before plunged into hell, but I was born condemned. First and foremost, its important to acknowledge how even these few years have likely developed how we perceive our lives and our situation greatly; far more than either of us can probably have the conscious awareness of as - regardless of how old we were when we first faced it, we were still learning and forgetting a lot of things that would innately frame the way we see the others and the world.
To the sister that made my life miserable, to the one that actively attacks and bullied me, actively tried to silence me and turn my parents against me, actively made the already bad neglect worse and actively took away all of the very few to no resources I had; to the sister that told me I couldn't complain because I was "too young" to remember the worst of the trauma; to the sister that I threw out of my life for four years and refused to so much as be in the same room as or see for two years, to the sister I gave up on after she disappointed me by repeating the same harmful behaviors over and over again over the six to eight years I had made an attempt to come to an understanding and make things work with; to the sister who - after time apart and given independent healing - came to the realization that our lives and childhood sucked, that we both were put through, that over time realized that the there was a lot more to life than the petty stressors we had built a habit of fighting over; to the sister that still from time to time, when prompted with specific triggers, will still revert back to those survival mechanisms and begin behaving in ways that are similar to how she did when we were younger; to that sister, I understand and I forgive you.
It took a while to get around here - a lot of work of healing and a lot of time apart to work through, process, recover and grow from the damage I had sustained in childhood both at your hands and not, but I understand. We were both children and we were both trying to survive. Children being forced to survive like we did will almost always look ugly, will almost always make a mess, and thats not your fault nor mine. Neither of us should have been put into that situation, and I understand why we were that way before, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me for whatever slights I likely did while trying to survive myself. I also understand that just acknowledging and being aware of this doesn't stop the trauma and immediately cure the pain and wounds that were inflicted upon us, and while we might relapse into old dynamics, I understand and forgive you already so as long as you do the same back. Healing isn't easy and more than anything, the thing that I value and cherish most is that we both have reflected on our pasts and how they affect our present and have made active genuine effort to handle it. The past is in the past, and the future is what we make of it. I'll be patient with you if you are patient with me.
To my oldest sister; to the sister that saw my pain when I was seven and came to help me; to the sister that took responsibility for making my life good and making sure I succeed; to the sister that saw the danger I was in and became dedicated, obsessed even, with making sure I did better than she did; to the sister that sat me down when I was not even in middle school to plan out all my classes up until graduate school and planned to help me enroll in the military at age 14 to pay for my tuition; to the sister that wanted to see me happy all the time to the point of recognizing a complex dissociative disorder and intentionally triggering one part out regularly to make herself feel better; to the sister that trained me in the brutal world of capitalism and taught me how to live on nothing because she knew, for a certain, that no one would be there for me and made sure I knew that I was entirely on my own; to the sister that gave me freedom and protection from my parents in exchanged for the knowledge that no one would help me should I fail; to the sister that got me a bird when she knew she was going to leave me alone and unprotected; to the sister that taught me to dominate everyone and everything to maintain peace, safety, and control; to the sister who was extensively traumatized and scared who used me as a subject to project her anxieties upon with good yet selfish and inconsiderate intent; to the sister who both saved me from my parents, but also made the effects of the 10x times worse and more dramatic; to the sister who I defended for 21 years of my life and kept from being disowned 6 times when no one else in the family would stand up for her; to the sister who - upon the slightest push back and watered down critique to acknowledge the damage done - threw me to the side as a party not trying in the relationship; to the sister who doubles down and refuses to reflect and grow, I appreciate what you have done for me and understand, but I do not forgive you - nor do I see myself forgiving you in the near future.
The most I can hope for is that you, much like my other sister, when given time apart, will come to realize the damage that you have done. That you will come to realize the true shittiness of our lives and understand that by constantly running, by constantly living in the ways that we originally learned to cope with our lives, by perpetuating the trauma that we were born and raised in, by never looking back to move forward, we will never truly escape and live the life that we deserve but were denied. As much as I wish I could sit here with you and help you through this process, that would cost me my own ability to heal, to move forward, to grow. I understand that you were doing the best for yourself, and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that you did what you thought was best for me - growing up how we did was hard and you more than any of us three had to deal with a lot of it on your own and without warning. You were of an older generation - mental health information was not as accessible and far more stigmatized - people were more conservative and less progressive. I completely understand how and why it is that your pain had been redirected onto me; however, I can't see that you see that. You seem unable to see your own fault and folly along with the consequences I was forced to bare. I can not forgive you, if you can not acknowledge your part in this show.
To that sister, all I can say is I hope you heal. I hope you get better and I hope you see that life doesn't have to be a constant game of run away from the past and trauma. I hope that one day you will realize why it is that conflicts follow and case you around. I hope that one day you reflect on the past and realize how your pain had caused others pain and I hope you can still love and accept yourself anyways. I hope then that we can talk again and start anew, but until then, I can not forgive you.
To both my older sisters, I don't know what our childhood was like for you - I lived it, I watched it, I saw it, but I could never truly fullly understand or begin to fathom what it was like on your side of the table, so I won't act like I do any more than I need to understand that I don't need to hate you for the rest of my life. Our childhood was hard, harder than any of us can properly remember by the sheer nature of it. I don't wish to hold bad blood over things happened in the past that will only get further and further in the past until they disappear to irrelevancy. I don't wish any ill upon either of you (excluding the acute moments when you really piss me off and/or we trigger one another****). I truthfully hope we all can heal, move on, and live our lifes regardless of how bad our first two or so decades of our individual lives have been. We are all survivors and thats something to be respected of.
Sincerely,
The Youngest Sibling
#alter: riku#**** I literally had to put that and then a foot note cause XIV wouldnt shut up because him and like 50% of the parts#genuinely want to maim my oldest sister in various levels of genuineness#but that is also us being in this stage#but he also won't let me state that it doesn't mean we don't GENUINELY feel that way right now#but adding this here would have ruined the flow and message of the post so I put it in foot note#siblings#recovery#ptsd#c-ptsd#writing#my writing#datas esotericism#looking at my tags and yeah#i guess i adopted data's esoteric writing to process trauma and feelings#emotional abuse#psychological abuse#neglect#im debating making this rebloggable#if you would like to reblog it#comment and Ill consider turning it on#currently im not just to be safe but I am considering it
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hold on I've made a realization. so my school has C days which are A days and B days smashed together, and my schedule is 2B 3A (lunch) 3A. i have 2 free periods in a row plus lunch. this year is going to be so fucking easy on me lmao
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Radiator springs racers really isn’t that good sorry
#like I don’t think it’s be worth even a 45 minute wait let alone a 65 min wait#it isn’t BAD but it’s not great. there are way better rides in dca that have way lower wait times#incredicoaster has peaked at like 55 today#i don’t like loops so it’s not my thing but it’s WAY better#soarin is 70 mins rn but it’s bc web slingers is down it usually isn’t more than like 50 as far as I’ve seen#and it’s GREAT#radiator springs rafters is just so very mid imo#like space mountain is worth the wait. galaxys edge rides are worth the wait. even INDIANA JONES is worth the wait#but what the fuck is bringing ppl back to radiator springs racers#ppl are seeing 65 mins and going ‘yeah I’ll wait in that’#i love the animatronics but smugglers run and rise have great ones too and they aren’t usually 65 mins unless something else is down#dca can be running PERFECTLY and rsr will still be above 60 mins#sassy speaks#anyways rsr is like a c. c+ at best.
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Absolutely vibing and thriving today
youtube
#got in a fight w sous chef the other day that's been simmering for awhile and it was v cathartic tbh lol#also been back on an exercise routine the last week or so and it really is unfair how much it actually does improve mood and ability#also we reworked menu and everything is so much easier and more streamlined now I'm no longer constantly drowning in rushes#also i forgor it's been awhile since i redeemed my card's cashback and apparently have an extra $50 now#so yeah great day c:#Youtube
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Addictive personality 🤝 Control issues
Making my life a fucking nightmare
#dont forget the obsessive part too!!!#“No more cigs. were starting to get addicted” *cant stop fucking THINKING About them#trying to stay in control of yourself 24/7 365 s u c k s#yeah I can get drunk but nooo cant get blackout thats messy and out kf my control#*slams head against wall 50 times*#work stressing me out does not helpppppp~#fucking hate retail#tomb talking
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hear me out i don't think he.laena would like to fight but "she's not prepared to fight" ain't it none of them were 🙏
i don't think she's made for battle! she'd hate it there! i just think if you look at the dragonriders none of them except da.emon had actually been in combat before the war. and if you look at women in general, even dragonriders aren't said to be warriors generally speaking (in the sense of trained at arms). vis.enya is noteworthy bc she's an exception
idk i just think it's interesting to put it into perspective. some of the dragons had seen battle before but most of the riders had not
#hel and dream.fyre would in fact thrive not being involved in the war in any manner thanks#but I'm a firm believer (book) hel would in fact have fought under different circumstances#i still think she'd hate it#but i also think if she could she'd do everything to protect her family#woman who tried to negotiate with hired assassins and to die for her children#would in fact risk her life for them (and everyone else bc she loves her mom and her brothers too)#like maybe not from the beginning but in any scenario where she's capable of fighting#and something like rooks rest happens#she'd join the fight after ae.gon was incapacitated#and. she's a dragonrider since she was a kid and dreamfyre is the 2nd oldest dragon#and i think they could be a little scary. as a treat#in the sense of: considerable threats#au where this happens..#canon (and show) hel would never and that's great too#the experience argument just jahdjshdi idk#you can just say she would never bc honestly yeah#disclaimer that twitter prompted this post nothing here#it probably has 30 typos and 50 weird word choices and phrase constructions#but it's 4am and i should be sleeping#also my brain is fried bc work stuff#that i should've done before but mental illness fucked me up bad this month#c':#I'm just rambling at this point#* out of character: { dreamfyre stan }
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so. um. the good news is we found your boyfriend. the bad news is that, well, we sort of…dug him up…in the middle of a car park. in leicester (buckley et al. 2013). leicester, yeah. sorry. they demolished the friary he was hastily interred in when henry viii dissolved all the monasteries. you know how it is. and as it turns out, well, shakespeare was…sort of right about him. scoliosis, yeah, sorry (appleby et al. 2014). if it makes you feel any better we analysed his bones and it turns out he had a pretty high-protein diet before he died (lamb et al. 2014). and he drank so much wine that it changed their chemical composition, which we didn't know could actually happen before we analysed him (lamb et al. 2014), so he was having a good time, at least.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Appleby, J., Mitchell, P.D., Robinson, C., Brough, A., Rutty, G., and Morgan, B. (2014). The scoliosis of Richard III, last Plantagenet King of England: diagnosis and clinical significance. Lancet 383, 1944.
Buckley, R., Morris, M., Appleby, J., King, T., O’Sullivan, D., and Foxhall, L. (2013). ‘The king in the car park’: new light on the death and burial of Richard III in the Grey Friars church, Leicester, in 1485. Antiquity 87, pp. 519-538.
Lamb, A.L., Evans, J.E., Buckley, R., and Appleby, J. (2014). Multi-isotope analysis demonstrates significant lifestyle changes in King Richard III. Journal of Archaeological Science 50, pp. 559-565.
#found this in my drafts thought it was still funny#archposting#richard III#archaeology#alevelposting#<- contains tudors memes#i've actually met one of the cited authors here they were very cool. we weren't talking about riii though (iron age greece)
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Im sick of medical trauma. Wish i could somehow convince the pieces of my body to function so we can avoid it
#rant#:/ i had to call doctor today and they were nice. it wasnt even scary. but i was SO anxious and i still feel knotted up and awful after#dping it. it wasnt even an urgent call or a urgent problem. just something i had to get done#more and more i realize while i disossicated so hard last yr i was being abused by one of my doctors. and disassociated so bad so#id keep seeing them instead of doing literally ANYTHING else to help myself likr get a new doctor#literally once i quit that doctor my physical pain went down 50% so at least half the pain#was them stressing me out so much. and their work hurting me#(not to totally put blame on them. i did not tell them how bad it hurt. i didnt realize it was supposed to Not hurt)#but yeah. it was awful. i cant believe i let myself suffer like that for like 4 months :c#and that was the nicest case of medical abuse. the worst cases were the ER and the doctor who#was jusf gonna let me starve to death untreated. like jesus fuck. i blacked out most of those memorie#just thinking of them makes me feel awful. i blacked out the almost dying feeling too#it was so unpleasant :/ which makes sense. god i dont wanna feel that way again till im like 3 minutes from death abd hopefully its quick
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I think my problem is I don't currently have patience for baby feminists who's big bug bear is how "evil" and "awful" pink is
Like yeah I get it I also had a phase where I hated pink and it is annoying how culture as a whole likes to assume pink is automatically a girl thing, when we first started dating my partner made jokes about me getting the pink screwdriver at the store "because it's for girls" and I had to set him straight. But oh my fucking god
It is just a color
It is actually a pretty nice color once you get away from it being everywhere and seeing it with other colors.
And idk focusing on the superficial color of sexism doesn't seem like it'll really address the root problem, just opens you up for the problem to get mapped onto a different color
#not rebloggable b/c i dont trust yall not to show yalls asses in my notes#but this is like a politically charged 'yellow is ugly'#like yeah i also once upon a time didnt like yellow#turns out it was being used wrong#but if your big gripe with the barbie movie is the fact they use a lot of pink#(you know- the main color of barbie branding for at least 50 years)#be prepared to get me on a ramble not only on the importance of the pink Birkenstocks she was wearing in the last scene#but also a history of the color pink in general#it will be long and rambly and i will lose my place several times and repeat myself so strap in#and i say this as someone who doesnt really have any pink clothes and wore a black t-shirt flannel and doc martens to my last barbie viewing#idk man just if youre gonna be on here critiquing the color pink you need to go a little deeper than 'its the forced girlie color'#otherwise im just blocking you for annoying me
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working off a presumption that winston gets sent off in the first quarter of the season, Also presuming that it's not simply like as fond in-universe as possible (e.g. reluctance all around, a nice chat with taylor, kiss on the head, etc) b/c like, nobody ever gets that, & even though it's more possible re: finales, again, just Presuming winston sure won't get that:
ofc possible that it's decided that the Conclusion for winston's character ought to be an "answer" to his being autistic, but interpreted both in & out of universe as oh this person is inconsiderate, arrogant, hostile, etc. so that is just finally allowed to "catch up with him" and like seize any conflict or grievance anyone has with him as the excuse to push him out, pwning him one last time b/c he refused to Learn His Lesson & either become allistic or just essentially see himself out, either by quitting or shutting up forever
but imo it would obviously be more fun at all if the Conclusion for his character is instead focused on the also more substantial "if a character is on billions their life has gone awry; they have shown up with their [problems] suitcase at the [more problems] sunk cost factory" wherein like....winston's autistic, he's trying to be valued as a person by being valued for his quanting, and this whole time he's been succeeding Enough at that in that he was hired & hasn't yet actually been fired, but like, probably actually nobody's working back from [begrudgingly valuing winston's quanting] to valuing winston himself, even also begrudgingly....you've got rian wringing "value" from him more generally b/c by & large their moments of friendship seem to just be something she wants to take from him in those specific moments, check back 5 seconds later & that may have stopped being true & she'll be lashing out b/c What Matters is that this is all on her terms serving what she wants, which is also winston's (& anyone's) relationship with their role in his job overall. rian's above him in their own social duo, also as an employee in tmc, everyone else wherever he works are also always above him socially/professionally....i know it was like oh too busy to film much and we can't really come up with an explanation so winston's just absent from tmc get-togethers in s4 w/o anyone speaking of it at all, but like, forever whew ouch the Verisimilitude that aligns anyways like. of course he'd just unspoken collective agreement be singularly excluded
anyways to this end we Know he's not going to get an ending of finally finding [ppl have liked/valued him as a person b/c he convinced them to want to try b/c they like/value his quanting :) ] like that's never a guarantee for anyone, the [irl autistic ppl trying to "make up for" the dislike / rejection they garner for being nd by being a Good Co/worker] just leading to having to quit / be fired b/c of burnout anyways and nobody cares....there'll be some extra shit in the mix to be sure, but what i'm saying is like, if winston just Does cause a Problem on his way out out of pettiness, out of [ruin everyone's day this once like how has been done to him fifty thousand times] out of [make people pay attention to His Work(tm) b/c they won't pay attention to Him even in the end here] out of [just being pissed & getting any revenge by even like doing the equivalent of taking a not precisely aimed huge swing at mpc as a Fuck You that anyone will have to care about / exert any energy over, vs that if winston himself just expresses Fuck You interpersonally then nobody would care & would just ignore him as he left]
point is like i wouldn't be mad if he gets petty at Anyone b/c like uh, yeah. singled out at Taylor would ofc be a downer but like, if they actually get to interact about it? that'd be Something, for sure, and we're never guaranteed something. he has plenty of cause to be hostile to rian b/c to the end here she's decided to be [the person who hurts him, deliberately, continually], all while getting preferential treatment from the person he's Really been here for the whole time, just as salt in that wound even if rian didn't choose that part entirely on her own. could definitely anticipate it at least being marginally more enjoyable than what's easily expected: winston only getting some unceremonious sendoff in the midst of a scene about other shit, with everyone getting to immediately completely move on
all of this ofc about like, pretending like oh whatever billions does with winston cannot hurt me. but also not Really pretending that, and also it already has lol, i'm frustrated & annoyed as i have been abt things we've learned like [hip hooray rian and dollar bill on the trading floor. what bliss] and [nobody will mention that william exists or has ever existed behind the scenes like ugh please] and that [victor's staying power is so so annoying too just like it was when are you kidding we're getting rid of bonnie instead of him? kill me] but like. it'll hurt me and i'm just bracing to roll with that and it's also been about already clocking in at the [ow. ouch] factor abt this shit Ahead of time lol, you can't have just flipped some switch....but i also know billions may not just completely let us down & may even give us fuckall, and that knowledge is also further setup for pain lol. Can't truly have zero hopes, unforch. but also whatever also begrudging forch b/c like, we do have fun. i have my hater energy but it's not genuine but it also is lol like leave me to my galaxy brain idiosyncratic exact experience that i am having, as [we are not the same] w/frustrations & grievances as w/delights & revelations (when you are reveling in something)
basically it's like, i Would rather that the [quantessence] of winston's character be His emotional hangups that are required to even be on the show, namely, an autistic person desperate for recognition of his personhood through "merit" fruitlessly proffered to offset his rejection, or, as stated, to indeed at least be Needed so that he can have the like bare begrudging hollow inclusion of [being allowed in the building, literally], and have the "resolution" of this issue even being, very billions aptly, simply to be forced to give up on / let go of / have taken from you the means to keep acting on that motivation as you have been: for winston, naturally, having this job, working for taylor as Thee taylor mason loyalist, and understander, and supporter....all that, rather than centering Everyone Else's Hangups abt hating & rejecting an autistic person. tragically, can't put it fully past billions to not prioritize any & all other characters, and at winston's expense, basically just as has been happening to winston in-universe the whole time (& already out of it, like, where are his little arcs even just for fun? where is his being allowed to talk to taylor, or like, in general? where is he in most of s7, now? you didn't have to send him off early at all.) but also can't put it fully past billions to suddenly devote thought & effort to the character, god forbid that truest conduit for our hopes & dreams manifest which is that, if nothing else, winston gets to say something to taylor that they listen to b/c they choose to actually consider things he says, even though, indeed, they don't "have to," 4x11 to 4x12, through tears "Q is for Quantitative, babey," for sure. and even this time make it clearer that's obviously what happened, though like, there is fuckall on this show that can be made "clear" to the whole audience out here so yknow. at the same time like as though someone couldn't go "for the wynnstans" like look all the audience who also doesn't devote a neural spark to winston no matter what is not gonna care either way. but i will care so much forever. already i will probably be thinking "winston dick energy" every day for the rest of my life
you may notice as i have that i'm basically like gee billions would be fun if you at all gave winston material about him being a person in his own right rather than solely getting in one more Use of him as whatever object resource plot device for other characters' [being a person] like. would it count if (this will not happen) rian has to think about how what it means for her as a person that she Hasn't been treating winston as a person? eh, that's sure indirectly anything i guess. taylor's our best bet, someone who has already listened to winston & talked to him person to person & understood him & whom he's here for, & because of, & etc. tuk is winston's friend for real but he probably won't get to do anything, it'd be fun if idk they hug, or are confirmed to continue to hang out & get laid together, or wave & smile across the room, or anything. really obviously would go off the rails do anything blast off for the winnie n tay but you know. here we are, forever, doing it for them
#winston billions#he's put in his time like he is allowed to be petty for pettiness's sake at this damn rate#Letting Winston Be Mad and not just have to shrug it off b/c someone told him to shove it? would indeed be something#and so on etc etc etc The Post#and ofc you Cannot guess what the first ep of a billions season will bring you Cannot guess what will be happening [three eps from now] at#any point in a billions season. & finaleness is just an entire wild card for the whole ride#just oscillating b/w ''i expect nothing re: winston billions content'' & ''jk of course'' & ''no i meant it. ugh'' & ''etc''#the very [interpretation as a narrative friendly] alignment re: [ how to think & talk abt being autistic] alongside [wynnstanning]#the old ''you can't do anything to be liked or respected or treated decently or even valued for doing what other ppl are valued for etc''#i'm not like preemptively ''boy how Meanly it would reflect on winston if he basically big reacts to how he's been treated the whole time''#like....actually everyone else brought it upon themselves#ofc there's forever the narrative that the disempowered & victimized are themselves actually the (latent) aggressors#conveniently making it an imperative [oh my hands are tied! forced!] ''reaction'' to preemptively further disempower them#conveniently making them all the more vulnerable to further abuse in doing so. is thee point#while in turn ppl being the mythical ''perfect victim'' who suffers it all forever in silence is Ofc never fulfilled. is also thee point.#unless ofc also being the Perfect Victim also means you physically fought so hard at every point that you weren't victimized at all :) sooo#just like how Oh It's Winston's Fault for how everyone's forever deciding to treat him. isn't it always; in any iteration of a hierarchy?#yeah; um....a lot of that stuff was insulting to me.#and but maybe billions just decides what's really important is that winston's a joke (at his expense) & devotes attention to him once more#by way of shitting on him before shoving him out the door down 50 flights of stairs. as also discussed. c'estlavie#just saying some things (me)#absolute tangent but playing a violin for how [imagine canon genderfluid rian for realsies lol. etc] almost plausibility lol like#besides immediately going ''could go either way w/if they'll vaguely let the character be bi but is the actor. i bet'' (yes)#nowadays; after having the [most likely to keep accidentally referring to w/they/them/their pronouns] evidence re: rian's character;#it Is like. yeah Energy of like a not quite having realized or been out abt being nonbinary person playing a supposedly cis person. lol.#forever like even if rian is that supposedly cis binary woman she could have been allowed to be more gendrous. No Makeup ever petition#she may not have ever been destined to get to be A Character but it would've been more fun....#guess it's not over till it's over on that front lol but. also would've enjoyed it more back in s5; even s6 times. here we tf are....
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