#it’ll stress me out so bad
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oh god ugh nngngnfnfnndnndnd
#did my allergies just randomly fucking kick in wtf#my throat is itchy and my nose is all stuffy and itchy#like wtf man#also so weird. i have seasonal allergies and it’s been like allergy season for like a month now#and i hadn’t had any symptoms at all. like zero sneezing around flowers and pollen and shit#like wtf? but now i’m having allergy symptoms rn#idk what the deal is#i am also crazy scared that i’m sick#even tho this feels like allergies…. i think.#i really really really do not wanna be sick#it’ll stress me out so bad
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I’ve had plenty of pets that I had to feed live insects to, but I’ve never felt bad for the bugs or felt they really suffered until I got spiders
#me putting a roach in my velvet spiderlings’ webs every week#like I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen it’ll be bad#the girls have to eat tho#I just rehoused the spiderlings tho#by basically opening the lid to their little enclosures#and putting them in their bigger ones#so they can explore as they feel safe and won’t be stressed by being forceably moved to a much bigger area#and it’s so nice seeing their webs gradually expanding out of their old enclosures
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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#we’re cooked#we’re doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs#doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell#and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress#it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#we’re fucked#we’re screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh we’re really in it now Simon#hell world#there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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#this is what I get for hyperfocusing on a currently airing canon queer ship to cope with life stress#instead of decades-old queerbait/non-canon#i want so badly to be able to focus on Oliver’s quote about wanting a bi hoe Buck phase if Buck and Tommy were ‘on a break’#bc I’m pretty sure that was the interview he said they were filming masks so he should’ve already known?#and it was also the one where he talked about overcoming obstacles in their relationship#and bi hoe Buck phase before getting back together would be#i don’t want to say the only good outcome. I’ll get over the shock and it’ll hurt less and I’ll see other okay options#but it would certainly be the best#but the things Lou is saying. and the way it feels so shoehorned in.#i am not insane (coughs. definitely not vagueing any section of fandom.)#and I’ve also been destroyed by hope twice in three days now. one obviously more globally significant than the other but.#yeah.#sometimes Ted lasso was wrong and it is the hope that kills you#i want to cling to that possibility but in the face of the episode itself I don’t think I can#it was obviously a last-minute thing for absolutely no narrative reason#and there’s no reason to shoehorn that in to create a getting together arc. there’s no reason to do that suddenly and impromptu#from either a narrative or a network perspective#honestly it’s not even entirely the breakup itself for me#i mean don’t get me wrong that sucks so bad on so many levels#but it’s the implication in Lou’s interviews that Tommy’s just gonna disappear now#he was fully enmeshed in the firefam and getting more and more so. he’s Eddie’s good friend!#that was a big part of what made it a good relationship but it was also just. really nice for Tommy#and I love him and I will be particularly devastated if the show just cuts him cold now#and everything Lou said like. makes it make SENSE from his perspective. in a way he obviously had to work for to be able to do it#but it still doesn’t make it a good or narratively satisfying breakup#or rather a good or narratively satisfying conclusion#specifically for Tommy!!! it makes it a decent and justifiable midpoint to a character arc about learning to be vulnerable#which is a really interesting arc you could do with Tommy! actually based on what we know about him!#if you hadn’t told Lou to go back to SWAT!#started typing these in an attempt to get the emotions out and instead I’ve just added irritation
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I’m so nervous about meeting Dan and Phil tomorrow, like I’m never this nervous what is wrong with me 😭
#dan howell#phil lester#Dan and Phil#maybe it’s because I’ve liked them both since 2011 and they meant a lot to me as teen#like I remember wanting to meet them so bad#I saw them last time but never met the#them#also the meet and greet stresses me out with the signing of an item which I haven’t picked and I want a selfie but I also want someone to#record me meeting them idk I know it’ll be fine but I just want the stress of it to be over lol#anyways I’m excited 🥹
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#I haven’t posted in a while- I’ve changed shifts due to my partner getting a new job so I’m going through a transition rn#but hey is it normal for a cutesy otome game to maybe change your life a little bit?#cheritz really said ‘we matched you with this character who has a back story you can oddly relate to a LOT’#‘he’s also coincidentally a therapist’#‘also he has all the same coping mechanisms you’ve used in your past to cope with stress’#‘watch as he grows and learns to love himself and therefore learn how to better love others! won’t that be fun?’#meanwhile I’ve been having what feels like an out of body experience lol#like oh that’s how people see it when I do those things#hey maybe my hatred for myself really has messed up relationships with people who genuinely care about me#maybe not giving people a chance to get to know the real me is a bad thing actually#also I love him so much lol#tomorrow is my last day of his route and I love it#I’m so sad that it’ll be done but also so glad that I get to see where it ends up
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Just got back in from work not too long ago…. I rly want to get back to older DMs I’m so sorry forgive me I’m so ugly
#so sorry#I really haven’t had the mental energy to post as much or respond back to messages man I’m beat all of the time I feel bad for complaining#and venting and then leaving others hanging I just have been so out of it and stressed out with rl stuff 😭#I never got my hospital bill in the mail either I’m afraid that it’ll be over 1k kaskaka#referring to the spider bite incident that happened during the same day my ex friend kicked me out of her car#eek#rambling#ending my life#I haven’t event started the Guda Guda 😭
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I've always seen posts about how bad it hurts when your kid is heartbroken, and I don't have a kid but l've helped raise my niece for so many years and through so many milestones, always there for the important and the not important stuff and she feels more like my little sister than my niece. She's tough like me and also a teenager so she keeps her emotions to herself and I gotta say her coming into my bedroom earlier crying and defeated about this boy - hurt in a different way because I can’t fix that.
#first loves#I went to work stressed!!!!!!#she texted some updates throughout the day though and they talked and are ok for rn#I’m so glad but also now I’m nervous for her and them because it’ll be so bad#on one hand I know she’s tough and would be ok and it’s ok to let go sometimes#but it’s her and I don’t want her to be sad#or if he sucked overall but he’s actually a really good kid and they’re good together#and they’re never apart and it’s been like a year and a half#so her confusion was so sad#she’s also weird with her emotions like me so I know she’s been going through it the last couple days#today was just the worst of them and I hope tomorrows better#I had mentioned to her to ask him to take a walk on the crusty beach nearby us to talk#and I looked at her location a bit ago and she was there was cute#they both turn 18 next month so it’s time to start growing and dealing with stuff in a different way#I can also legally beat him up if I had to lol#we all like him so it was even confusing to us like get it together brother#I’ll find out more later but hopefully all is well
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i dream of being able to go get a couples massage but instead of w the love of my life it’s w my colon & she finally gets what the FUCK has been WRONG w her WORKED out 😭🙄
#stream#GET A GRIP#I HATE BEING ALIVE#i need to make a new tag where it’s literally just posts of my pussy causing my suffering#shitter nation#that’s it#that’s the one#swag#i say swag so innocuously that my chinese flatmate will just say it too & it makes me laugh like u know when someone has like an affirmation#& start saying it it’s that except i feel bad kind of bc the way i use it is literally butchering the word#me sitting on the bus & it stops: swag#it’s just so fucking funny ALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKALAKSLA like I CANT HELP IT IM CONSTANTLY SAYING IT MY BROTHER GOT ME STARTED DOING IT LIKE#THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#anyway#my family got hit by the hurricane yesterday & thank fucking GOD that PINE FELL IN THE OPPOSITE DIECTION bc YALL#literally it would’ve taken out the bedrooms#like the whole root system has TIPPED#but do we know why ? YES WE FUCKING DO & ITS BC FATHER KEPT CUTTING DOWN ALL THE BRANCHES bc ‘it’ll damage the roof!’ which i mean in this#case … FAIR …. BUT ALSO IN THIS CASE IT WAS SOOO TOP HEAVY#i mean like they always made ME afraid bc u can see them sway but i just thought ‘like a sailboat u need a mountain of a wave to tip’ &#hurricanes ? are the mountain … BUT SHE LASTED DURING ALL THE OTHERS#LITERALLY ALL OF THE OTHERS like this tree is older than the house & the house is OLD [FOR AMERICA] it was built in the late 70s/early 80s#like she took HARVEY & IKE FINE#which i was there during but i worry abt them bc of the lack of cell service wifi & power but i know its over so its just clean up now#sucks to be my brother bc my father sent pics of him w an axe having to cut the tipped tree from the road lmfao#wait why is he using an axe we literally have a chainsaw#probably bc the tree’s wet & it’ll fuck up the chain & it has to be out of the road bc that’s where it landed btw lmfao it was house or road#& it’s in the road thank FUCK - NO DAMAGE TO ANY CARS literally we were sooooooo LUCKY#ANYWAY i’m only on a few hours of sleep & tired & my knee kills bc it actually got damaged during the omar assault so ive a new knee brace#swag … :( im just so tired. i’m so over constantly feeling like im being watched 24/7 it has genueinly put so much stress on me
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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. 🤭🫠
#I think I’ve figured out what to give up for Lent?#Not excited about it… but I was really stressed not to know what to do#I think I’m gonna give up using my phone after turning out the lights for bed#It can be a bad habit and keep me up too late#So it would be a good thing to mortify#But I’m also slightly worried that it’ll wreck my sleep habits… and I need to get lots of sleep cause the semester be crazy#But I also need to trust God and be healthy#So I think I’ll do it#thanks for listening!!#I know it’s not always the thing to announce what you’re doing for Lent#But I won’t be telling anyone who knows irl (except my roommate for obvious reasons) so
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mm goin through the horrors. the horrors are bad i can’t recommend the horrors.
#my city is about to burn !! hard to say how bad it will be. but at this point damage looks likely#the fire is very unpredictable and growing and strong winds will push it this way tomorrow#my home will probably be safe. im beside the lake. it’d have to chew through the whole city to reach me#but i’m still scared for family who live closer and all the thousands of people under evacuation orders already#half the city is on evacuation alert. state of emergency declared#my province is on fire#it gets worse every year#this summer was a series of severe alerts. fiercer thunderstorms. hotter heat waves. smoke from dozens of fires#i’m not a pessimist. but at times like this. man. its hard to see a future that gets better#☹️#i’m so. angry that it’s gotten this bad. i feel very violent abt the people who let this happen. the ones who had a say in it .#ive also been feeling extra shit physically lately and this smoke is not helping the return of my chronic cough#half of my organs are fucked up at any given time and years of seeking answers has yet to provide anything substantial#its bad. it’ll probably end up ok and many people are having it worse but fuck it’s all bad rn.#theres nothing to do about it right now. and i’ll have to try and get some sleep. too many insomnia nights recently.#just needed to yell into the void. get out some of the stress#ghhhhhhhgggghhhhh ok. gonna go find distractions until this body gets tired enough
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bub n i are gonna have matching winter selfship doodles bc we are on a double date ☝️
#n i am unwell and need to draw smth to help me relax#omg ice skating double date??#she’s actually the cutest in the world i cannot believe ayato gets to look at her like that 🥹#n e ways#I WANNA DO SELFSHIP DOODLES FOR AN EVENT#SO BAD#but i know it’ll stress me out so bad#GRRRGKFFK#sayu speaks
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haven’t really been on this app/hellsite this week bc i started a new internship rotation that’s exciting and Important, and also i’ve been staying with Books bc the commute from their place is an hour shorter than from mine. and it’s uh. going well
#going well as in we are discussing (DISCUSSING) what’sssss gonna happen when my apt lease is up in a few months…#this thing with them is really something different#i still like them more every time i see them which is like. stupid.#and they don’t stress me out#being with them doesn’t cost the same energy as being around other people#being with them gives me respite recovery rest from being around other people#we are also baby steps-ing into a cool project together and i’m really excited to see if it’ll work out#bc if it does it’ll be SO much fun and a really good opportunity to understand each other better and practice collaboration#anyway gosh#i feel like all of my personal posts are about them these days which is maybe bad and boring but who cares i’m in love
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alright so that was fine
#i think it’ll be just fine. besides the building being weird and creepy and the stupid alarms i have to set#very scary i hate alarms. hate HATE alarms#and there’s these silent alarms under the teller desks and if u touch them like 500 cops show up#LIKE GIRL WWHAT THATS MY FUCKING WORST NIGHTMARE#i’m gunna have nightmares about accidentally touching them i know it#anyways it’s not so bad lol#i was there real late tonight cuz i was figuring everything out#i hate doing new stuff and learning new floors and shit it’s stressful#anyways. i did have a very good like. talk with my dad a few days ago about my future#one of my new year goals is too at least kinda figure out a career path#like start school again or something cuz i need job security that isn’t ass#and i have been doing a lot of research on social work and it’s like#perfect for me. i’m rlly excited about it#it’s literally directly helping your community and i get paid like HELLO#and i can specialize in lgbtq like get youth off the streets and stuff#literally my dream. isnane#MAN MY CAT PEEING ON THE FLOOR JESUS CHRIST
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i will not panic abt my exams
#it will be fine actually#I’m stressed bc they’re in. a month now like a month from today and I’ll be done#but that just means I have a whole month to be making notes I can do a lot in a month#I’m going home on Friday which is stressing me out but it’s just one week I’ll go Friday and leave Saturday/Sunday#and if I can do a handful of lectures while I’m at home that’ll be a useful step no matter what#i can probably focus on like molecular ones which are easier to structure bc I just need to pull out the mechanisms#tomorrow I just gotta read up on two topics really and then I can write the dumb mock exam which I won’t be able to do at home bc its 4 hour#I hate that we have to do that especially bc it’s got shit evil questions but whatever#and I can’t feel bad abt being slow to get back into this bc im an animal with a body and it takes a while to get back into Anything#and I’m worried abt the exam yes bc of how it went last year when I was unprepared but 1) I won’t be THAT degree of unprepared this year#2) it is unlikely that i get as insanely unlucky as I did last year#fucking hell I just. don’t think I’m made for this kinda system I can’t make myself work in it#every single term of my degree so far I’ve been fighting to keep up with everything and had no time to properly prepare for the exams#and then scraped it by working off a baseline level of being good at putting ideas together quickly and strategically working last minute#on whatever will give me the best shot at getting what I need but that’s not possible in these two exams bc I have over 100 lectures to know#I can’t do 100 lectures in a month. it’s just not possible but what I can probably do is summarise some important bits for like half of them#I think I’m bad at the whole sustained effort on a big task over a long period of time#bc this is so huge that there’s no way for me to see progress or move on to anything new bc it’s just. a stack of 100 lectures to deal with#I HOPE I’m better at dealing with project next year bc i think it’ll be more task based#and like I can watch the lectures the first time round bc there’s a set thing to do and an end point#I have genuinely no idea how to approach this in a way that will be useful achievable AND get enough done within the time I have#anyway I can’t stress abt it now bc I have to go to the shop and then home to cook. so#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#luke.txt
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