#it’ll probably be after the tour huh…. depressing

[paleode-ology]

guys Sammy Rae was SO amazing. The absolute best night of my life. After listening to and leaning on her music for the better part of a year, seeing her and the rest of the friends in person was such a dream come true, and I’m going to be thinking about it for so long (or at least until I watch the new episodes of ofmd…)

Also! Check under the cut for the finished jacket I embroidered and put patches on for the show! I’m hoping to keep adding to it so it’s even more fun at the next concert of theirs that I get to go to <3

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

A Miraculous TikTok Account

Part 11

First

Previous

Next

Rena was running out of time.

(To make TikToks. She wasn’t dying for anything except content.)

She’d figured that she would do Q&A type things, it was close enough to the content she’d used to make but far enough away that no one would suspect anything about her identity. It was perfect!

But the other heroes were… let’s say ‘less than eager’ to divulge much information to her. Especially not when they were being filmed.

Ladybug had pulled her aside one day to explain why.

“Rena…” She reached out and gently rested a hand on her shoulder.

Rena knew what that meant, she’d gotten it enough back when she was just a civilian. For just a second, she was thrown back to the first time one of her family members had died, to the way she had promised that she wouldn’t come back until she had her sister safely in her arms...

But she knew that it couldn’t be like that. Ladybug didn’t know who she was just like Rena didn’t know her identity. It was nothing that serious.

“We can’t give much information to the public. Hawkmoth could be watching.”

A fair point. It hurt, though.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “So we don’t show him our weaknesses, it’s not that hard.”

“We have to assume any information could be used against us.”

Rena frowned. “By that logic we can’t upload any content…?”

“We can’t upload any content of substance, no. Messing around in a store is fine. Videos of animals are fine. Anything beyond that is… potentially problematic.”

The idea of style over substance was foreign to the hero. Her whole brand used to be substance over style, done with a phone camera but close enough to fights for people to actually get a glimpse of the heroes in action. What was she supposed to do?

“What’s your niche, then?” Said Rena, hoping to get an idea.

“I was going to do some videos on mental and physical wellness.”

Yeah, no. That was a very ‘Ladybug’ thing to do, Rena probably couldn’t encroach on that in any way. But… what else was there?

Ladybug opened her mouth like she was about to say something, and then she shook her head and disappeared to her room.

Rena watched her leave in silence, and then fell back on the couch. She rested her hands over her eyes, something that was very uncomfortable due to the weird fabric of the mask on her face, and tried to think.

Ladybug had been fair. They already had enough of a gap between the information Hawkmoth had versus the amount they did, they shouldn’t make that worse… but then what was the point of them doing social media accounts?

And, she mused, why hadn’t Ladybug just told Master Fu her concerns?

Something wasn’t adding up, but she didn’t exactly know what.

The reporter in her was itching to find out. She didn’t want to invade Ladybug’s privacy, especially not when the other already seemed wary enough around her, but it was hard to just let go…

So, what could she do?

~

She grumbled as she went to Carapace’s room, not even bothering to knock as she walked in. It wouldn’t matter if she did, her miraculous made it so that most people’s eyes and ears slid right over her unless she actively worked to get them to notice her.

He was in his hero costume, though that wasn’t surprising considering he’d gotten back from patrols only a few minutes ago.

Carapace jumped a little in surprise when she came to a stop by his desk and looked up from where he was booting up his computer.

“Salut?” He said slowly.

“Salut! I need help.”

He raised his eyebrows a little and then shrugged. With a tiny wave of his hand, a second chair made of a bunch of different plates appeared behind her.

She took a seat and crossed her legs. “Everyone talks to you, right?”

“I guess…?”

“So do you know what everyone’s doing for their TikTok accounts?”

“I’m going to get footage of us acting friendly, Chat is filming animals he sees on patrols, Ladybug is ‘promoting mental and physical wellness’, and Chloe…” He sucked in a breath. “I don’t know what Chloe’s doing, but she started laughing maniacally when I asked so I’m not eager to find out.”

Rena pouted a little bit. Great, so everyone’s taken all the good and easy ideas. What else was there?

“I don’t know what to do with my account. Ladybug says I can’t do interviews and stuff because Hawkmoth could use stuff against us.”

Carapace briefly looked confused, and then understanding crossed his face. “Well, I can tell you that no one here would disagree with that.”

“I know, I know, it makes sense,” she sulked, resting her head on her hand. “But then what do I do?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Being the ‘smart one’ is kind of your thing.”

She frowned at that, but brushed past it. “I don’t really care about my image, it’s not that important to me --.”

“It should be.”

Her gaze shot up to see his expression was uncharacteristically serious.

He seemed to realize this, too, because he cleared his throat and brought a smile to his face again.

“I know you’re new, so let me give you some advice: keep your life as a hero and a civilian as far apart as you possibly can. Since we’re everyone’s therapists and all, it’s kind of depressing when you start thinking about everything the civvies tell you when you’re off the job.”

Carapace reached out slowly, giving her time to draw back, and rested a hand on top of her head.

“So, lean into your image. Lean into it so hard you become a parody of yourself. It’s better for everyone that way. Trust me.”

She reached up and pulled his hand off, frowning deeply. “If you think that then why did you agree to live with us? Why are you taking videos of us all being friends?”

“Well, I live with everyone because it was a good solution for some concerns I had about college… not that we really had a choice. Master Fu wasn’t going to give it up.” He leaned back in his chair and stretched. “And I’m taking videos of everyone because it’ll help when we need to do our whole therapy thing. People talk more when they feel close to you.”

Rena stared at him in shock. That was… surprisingly cold and calculated for the supposed ‘nice’ hero. Then again, by his own admission, he didn’t even see himself as that nice of a person.

Were all the other heroes like that? Lying about their personalities for the sake of the public or their mental health? And, if they were, were they keeping up the act while there too or did they consider living in the house their new ‘civilian’ life?

She pushed herself to her feet abruptly, startling Carapace a second time. She crossed her arms.

“I’ve got an idea for what to do. Thanks.”

“Huh? But I didn’t --?”

She was already gone.

~

Despite the temptation to disobey that she was pretty sure wasn’t entirely her fault, Rena had gone to Ladybug a few days later with a proposal:

“I still want to be an informant to the people.” She saw Ladybug begin to protest, so she rushed to finish the rest of her sentence: “Obviously, I won’t be giving them anything of substance, but it could help to make them feel closer to us as heroes.”

Ladybug couldn’t turn down the reasoning. It was what Carapace had listed as his own.

And, to her delight, Ladybug seemed to agree because she clicked her tongue and nodded.

“Fine. What’re you planning to do?”

“Simple stuff. A house tour -- making sure to blur and hide anything that could give Hawkmoth our location -- and then after that keep them updated on the news.”

There was a silence as she considered this. Then her head tipped to the side. “What do you mean by ‘news’?”

“Nothing major. Have you ever seen a drama channel on YouTube? Stuff like that.”

“... fine, but you should run your videos by everyone involved before uploading.”

Rena nodded her understanding.

~

She started with the house tour. If she was going to do this, she needed to gain their trust. A few normal videos, and then she’d start trying to slip the public information about the heroes’ true personalities.

Rena didn’t want to expose them to Hawkmoth, and especially didn’t want to expose their families, so she really was going to try to respect most of their privacy. For this reason, she did tell them all when she was going to do the house tour so they could hide anything that could be used to figure out their identities.

She started with the shared rooms like the kitchen and living room, but she brushed past all of that quickly since she knew that wasn’t what they’d be interested in.

Her room was first. It was the same size as every other bedroom in the house, but it felt tiny and cramped. There was a dresser, a desk, a bed, three different bookshelves, an end table… well, let’s just say that she’d brought more stuff than necessary. The room wasn’t exactly neat, it seemed that it would buckle under the weight of Rena’s knickknacks if she wasn’t careful, but it wasn’t necessarily dirty either; everything had its place.

She decided to put the more boring rooms in the middle for the good old watchtime. Ladybug’s room was fine but her personality was a bit dull when it came to this kind of thing, and Carapace’s personality was fine but his room was boring, so...

She was off to Ladybug’s room. She climbed up to the attic and finally figured out exactly what Ladybug had been working on since they’d moved in. Apparently she was trying to make an indoor jungle gym using the support beams on the ceiling. It actually looked like a pretty good workout, though maybe a little unsafe. Beyond that, the room was rather full. Random pieces of furniture (mostly chairs) were strewn about, loaded with a precarious amount of fabrics.

She found Ladybug hunched over a sketchbook on her bed, swaddled in blankets despite the fact that the attic was actually pretty warm.

She looked up at her and blinked. “Oh. Now? Okay.” She escaped her blanket prison with minimal struggling and then gave a short tour of her room.

Rena pointed to a divider on the other side of the room. “What’s behind there?”

Ladybug looked over and a blush spread across her face. “I don’t have a closet, so that’s where I put the secret identity stuff for now. Don’t go back there.”

For some reason, Rena thought she was being lied to. However, she couldn’t just go back there when Ladybug had just said that it would reveal her identity, so she just nodded and said: “Gotcha. Thanks for the tour.”

She moved on to Carapace’s room next. She pushed the door to his room open and sent a smile and a wave. All his textbooks were safely stashed out of sight and he’d cleaned up the normal mess of old snacks for the video, which somehow made his room feel even emptier than usual.

“Here we have a wild Carapace in his natural habitat. Though, why this is what he chose as his natural habitat is beyond me.”

He laughed good-naturedly. “I don’t need much.”

“I can see that.”

He smiled. “Ridiculous! Utterly Ridiculous!” He said, doing his best impression of Chloe.

Rena cleared her throat, and then did a perfect impression of her voice.

Carapace’s eyes widened. “Chloe?”

She tried not to laugh, and instead nodded and continued her impression: “Yes. I’m secretly Chloe. Rena asked me to take her place for this because she was tired.”

He didn’t seem sure whether or not to take this as a joke, and she gleefully left the room.

She moved on to Chloe’s room. It was… somehow both bright and dark in there and this threw Rena off more than she’d like to admit. While most people would take Rena for the hoarder (and they’d probably be right to), Chloe also seemed to have some hoarding problems; the walls were taken up with different luxury items from jewelry to handbags; the floor was littered with different plants at seemingly random intervals.

Chloe looked up from where she was tending to some plants with the help of a few bees (wait, was there an actual BEEHIVE in there?).

“I like your… bees…?”

Chloe snickered. “Thanks. They don’t like you, though, so I’d suggest you leave.”

Rena was a little offended that the bees didn’t like her, but she didn’t need to be told twice.

She headed to Chat’s room next.

When she opened the door she had thought that he wasn’t there. The lights were off outside of a TV which, upon closer inspection, she realized someone was playing a video game. Huh. She turned on the light.

Once she was actually able to see, she was taken aback by how dirty it was. Clothes littered the ground; the bed looked like it hadn’t been made since they moved in; there was a grand piano but it was currently being used as a trash can for old snack bags.

“Did you forget that I was doing a house tour today?”

“Nope,” said Chat from somewhere in the filth.

“Oh… okay…”

The video cut.

~~~

Taglist

@nathleigh @mialuvscats @sassakitty @th1s-1s-my-aesthet1c @blueslushgueen @woe-is-me0

[darker-soft-starker]

Starker High School AU, Pt. 2 (Pt. 1, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt. 5)

-----

Peter will admit that during he took an extended moment during his journey home to grieve the loss of his free afternoon, and indeed the impending headaches.

And the rest of his future, if he was honest.

Not that Peter was prone to melancholy by any means, but with this assignment his fate was officially sealed, there was no misunderstanding. He was going to fail this assignment. He was going to, for the first time in his academic career, be forced to submit garbage of a caliber worthy of Tony Stark. It will forever be a black mark on his academic record.

No respectable college is going to accept him after this. In fact, he might as well drop out of school now and hit up Mr Delmar for a job. All of his prep for his MIT application is as good as useless after this. Extracurriculars? Goodbye.

Because it’s confirmed.

He’s doomed.

Swaying with the motions of the train, Peter types a text to Ned, the only person who might provide him with some much needed sympathy.

>  I’m doomed >  paired w/stark for an assignment lollllllllll.  >  help

Maybe Peter could trade with Ned. Maybe he could plead with their teacher, for honest fear of his life and scholastic integrity. He wasn’t even exaggerating. In no known iteration of this universe could Peter amicably work with Tony Stark. It would be like Harry Potter sitting down for tea with Voldemort, or Frodo and Sauron chilling with a pint and a pipe in Bag End. 

It was unthinkable. Implausible. Laughable.

And Peter would laugh, were it anyone but him in this situation.

The feeling is unusual. Never had he found reason in his life to truly dislike anybody before, everyone could be redeemed or given the opportunity for penance. Natasha has said more than once that Peter would offer the devil himself a sandwich if he appeared. 

Tony Stark on the other hand? No sandwich for him.

Well, maybe a slice of bread. A stale one.

While he waits for Ned to responds he catches sight of his injured reflection in the train window, which is admittedly pretty gnarly. Even with his hood drawn up, there was a noticeable berth allocated to him in the busy carriage between himself and the other passengers.

< sux. can I have ur lego hogwarts if u die?

> dude :( pity me.

< lol. so, can i?

Peter sighs.

> sure. Look after May for me, bro. delete my internet history.

< deal. godspeed

Pocketing his phone, Peter wonders if it’s too late to take up praying.

---

By the time he’s back in his apartment his mood has managed to swing back up.

Tony Stark is not going to be the arbiter of Peter’s fate. Hell no. He’s smart, he’s creative and hardworking - it isn’t up to anybody but Peter to determine his outcomes. If he has to do the assignment with Stark then he will. And he will work his hardest. 

If he has to do it sharing the credit with Stark, well, Peter knows a concession when he sees one.

No matter how reluctant he is.

But he powers through it, like ripping off a bandaid. It’s fine! He’s a Parker and he’s come this far in life already against ill, Parker-like odds. What was being paired for one assignment with someone who escaped the nearest hellmouth? 

It’ll be fine. 

Probably.

Not letting himself linger on his fears, Peter clears out his previous plans of going on a YouTube spiral and eating sour gummies until his teeth stick, instead utilising the time to get his foot in and and begins prepping for the assignment. Cursory, preliminary research at first, before the inevitable deep dive begins.

Neanderthal, Peter scoffs, mad all over again. Who is Stark to call Peter a neanderthal? He’s second in his class. He’s a straight A student. He likes school.

And as much as he is moderately skilled in, and enjoys JV, it’s not like he received his scholarship to study at Midtown based on his physical prowess.

The graze on his cheek that stings every time he yawns is proof of that.

Stark can eat his entire ass and choke on it, he thinks darkly, as he continues his research. He doesn’t know the first thing about Peter.

The data is sobering as he delves into job listings and statistics of his projected salary in a three year margin. This is really what his teachers earn? Wow. Depressing.

The contrast of expected salary versus the forecast of steep student loans is disheartening further still.

Teaching quietly slips from second to third on his list of ideal occupations.

Turning on a playlist on his phone, Peter continues to compile notes, amassing a truly gargantuan amount of tabs on his browser. His computer, old enough to be on its’ last teeth, whirrs loudly in protest.

It’s not until his room goes dark that he thinks to check the time.

Ah, shit. It’s nearly six.

Peter pauses. Should he tidy up the apartment?

...Nah, no point in breaking a sweat for Stark.

He continues typing. Then he hesitates, fingers suspended in mid-air. 

But what if Stark sees his unfolded laundry out on the dining table and publicly shames him for his old-but-comfortable Bulbasaur themed boxer shorts?

Goddamnit.

---

A quick, cursory clean ensues and leaves a relatively orderly Parker apartment. No freshly laundered underwear is in sight.

Peter wraps up just a few minutes before six. Right on time.

Taking a seat at the now clear dining table Peter drums his fingers on the surface and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

---

He knows when Tony finally arrives when he hears the sound of a car pulling up outside his apartment block. The riffs of a Roxette remix can be heard playing loudly  from the ground to the seventh floor of his apartment, the bass so thunderous it reverberates the windows all the way up to his floor.

Drumming his fingers on the kitchen table, Peter checks the wall clock again. It’s nearly seven.

Tony’s late.

Not that Peter is particularly affected with surprise that Tony is incapable of following basic instructions, but still. Really? Really?

By the time there is a knock on his door, Peter is already before it, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. Every second between Tony pulling up and his ascent to Peter’s floor has him positively fuming. He can’t believe how this day played out. It started with such promise. He had such innocuous, but high hopes.

Clearly, he miscalculated.

Feeling a touch petty, he waits to answer, listening to Stark knock a second and then a third, more insistent time before he rouses enough calm to open the door.

He instantly regrets it when he does. 

Tony’s expression is curious one as he breezes right passed Peter without waiting for further invitation. There’s a smudge of something dark on his brow, his otherwise white undershirt smeared in dark stains.

Peter watches incredulously as the other boy drops his backpack by the door with a thump.

“You’re late.”

He closes the door behind Tony and scowls at the other boys easy posture, hands shoved into his pockets, eyes taking in the apartment.

“I didn’t realise you lived all the way out in fucking Queens. Do you have any idea how bad traffic is at this time of day? Also, your elevator doesn’t work. I just climbed seven flights of stairs, where’s the hospitality?”

“Try earning it.”

The other boy rolls his eyes. “Like it’s worth my time.” He breezes past Peter and slides his leather jacket off his arms, tossing it atop of his backpack in the corner. “Look, I’m here now. Okay? You can unclench now. So, do I get a tour or what?”

“Or what. This wouldn’t have been an issue if we had just started straight after class like I said.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Tony clutches his hands to his heart before gesturing to the room. “I didn’t realise I was interrupting your busy Friday night, Parker. You got a keg and the rest of the meatheads stashed away somewhere?”

Without waiting for a response, Tony wanders around the living room like a curious child in a new play room. His gaze inspects everything all at once, from peering at up close at the wall mounted photos and hovering his grubby hands over the oddments and knick-knacks speckled throughout the space.

Apprehensive, Peter can’t help but shadow him, afraid he just let loose a hurricane in a china shop.

Without asking, Tony picks up May’s old Magic 8-Ball and gives it a good shake. Peter’s fingers itch to reach over and stop him, but stops himself because then that would require actually making direct skin contact the other boy.

Not worth it.

“Cannot predict now. Huh,” Tony says to himself before placing the ball back in the wrong spot. 

They both watch silently as it rolls precariously close to the edge. 

“Anyways,” Tony helps himself to an armchair, lounging back and spreading his legs wide. “I know your long-term memory is probably as defective as the rest of you, so don’t strain yourself recalling that I had other priorities.”

“Like what?”

“Like literally anything that isn’t being around you,” the other boy grins. “Now, are we doing this thing, or did you invite me over so you could bitch at me?”

“I didn’t invite you,” Peter grumbles, swiping his notebook from the dining table before sitting on the sofa, as far away from Stark as possible. Shifting, he takes his phone from his pocket and opens the notes he’d taken earlier.

“So, I cross referenced some websites and current job listings,” Peter scrolls through his research, adjusting his glasses as they slip down his nose. “Assuming you have no savings, we’re looking at an average of sixty-thousand per annum based on my salary alone. The average rent in --”

“-- Uh, why are we assuming I have no savings?”

"Because... we’re being realistic?”

Tony springs to his feet and paces across the living room.

“Well,” he says, gesturing to Peter, “if we’re being realistic, does having no savings also that mean I have no debt -- or are you paying off two student loans on your salary?”

“I don’t --”

“Do we have car loans? Health insurance?”

“Wait, slow your roll, Stark. I haven’t yet --”

“-- Of course you haven’t. I mean really, Parker, do you ever think ahead? You should try it, we do have a baby on the way, you know.” Tony clicks his fingers and points at Peter. “Oh, names! I want to call it Molly.”

“As in the drug?” 

“No, as in Ringwald. Anyhoo, seeing as only one of us has the intellectual capacity to construct a budget,” Tony gestures to himself, “that would be me, consider maybe that I spent my savings paying off my student loans and bought a car for me and Miss Molly, leaving you with just your own stagnant debt. Happy?”

“Thrilled,” he says through clenched teeth, feeling utterly steamrolled. “But we’re not calling the baby Molly.”

“Yes, we are. Think of all the great nicknames. Hey wait,” Tony pauses in his pacing, “are your parents going to be home soon?”

It was in that moment Peters world narrows down to one, botched cosmic joke.

Turning his gaze heavenwards, Peter prays silently for mercy. What did he do to deserve this. This is all his bad karma come at once. This is the bad place.

“Ah, no,” he replies, eyes widening. “No, my parents are not going to be home soon.”

“Cool. Lucky you.”

Oblivious to Peter’s existential turmoil, Tony resumes his patrol through the living room, picking up a frame on the mantle. It houses an old photo of Ben, May and a young, bespectacled Peter. 

It is one of the more embarrassing immortalisations of his younger self, eleven-years old and grinning widely, bearing his silver braces to the camera as he holds up a science fair trophy, curls wild and untamed.

Oh god. That was exactly what Peter needed on this unholy day - Tony Stark in his living room, witnessing Peter in his prepubescent glory. 

Quick, create a diversion.

“So, as I was saying,” he says loudly, “rent is reasonably affordable with a sixty-thousand budget in --”

“Who’s the babe?” Tony points to a younger Aunt May in the photo.

Peter gets to his feet and removes the frame from Tony’s grasp. He glowers as he places it back on the mantle. 

“No one you would have a chance with. Can you stay focused? Like, are you physically capable of it?”

“Okay, calm down,” Tony holds his hands up in surrender. “You’ve got a lot of anger for someone so vertically challenged, you know that, shortstack?” 

“Focus, dumbass.”

“I’m focused! Let’s see, we’ve established that I am excellent at managing my money. You have a shitty job and a shitty salary, and apparently my imaginary future self has terrible taste in men. So. Have I got that right? Where are we living?”

“Queens. LIC has some one bed, one baths that could be affordable.”

“Uh, rewind. Going to have to eighty-six that - I am not living in Queens.”

Peter stares at him.

Tony rubs his hands over his face and sighs. “Fine, whatever. But I want a Pontiac Firebird in this imaginary life if I have to deal with you.”

“For someone so keen on getting away you’re doing your best to prolong this experience. It’s literally painful.”

“Well, I just like to see you get all riled up, Princess,” Tony grins, leaning back against the mantle and folding his arms over his chest. “You have this vein that bulges on your forehead when you’re mad. Makes you look like a pitbull.”

Peter swallows the particularly acidic retort sitting on his tongue and tries not to let Tony’s words sting. Be the bigger man, Ben used to say. As difficult as it is to channel even a modicum of the mans’ eternal patience, Peter takes a deep breath and reminds himself to stay focused. The less he gets sidetracked by Tony’s fuckery, the sooner it’s over.

He mentions the next part with unease. 

“...Miss Ahn said that we need references and should do field research. Speak to realtors. Ask people who have a similar lifestyle and budget.”

The look that comes over the other boys face is one of unequivocal revulsion. Peter can relate. The thought of having to spend more time with this guy makes his stomach turn.

“Well, Parker, any bright ideas who we can ask?”

The hinges of the front door squeaks before Peter can respond.

Moments after, Aunt May walks into the living room, placing her bag down on the dining table. She looks between the two boys curiously.

“Hey, Pete,” she comes to his side to squeezes his shoulder. “Who do we have here?”

Tony rushes over with his hand outstretched, an eager grin on his face. 

“Tony Stark, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh, ah, okay, well,” May laughs as he enthusiastically shakes her hand. Her eyes are soft as Tony smiles brightly at her. “Nice to meet you too, Tony. I’m May, Peter’s aunt. Are you... friends with Peter?”

Peter snorts. 

“Definitely not. We just have an assignment --”

“-- Great friends, actually,” Tony talks over him, taking a seat beside Peter on the sofa. To Peter’s utter disgust, the other boy puts an arm around his shoulders, squeezing his bicep encouragingly. “Aren’t we, Pete? Hmm? Best buds. We go way back.”

Peter freezes, feeling the line of heat from Tony’s against his side, the weight of his arm on his body. 

Eyes widening, he feels his skin crawl. 

“That’s sweet,” May smiles, putting her hair up in a loose, messy bun. “Well, I don’t know about you boys, but I’m starving. I’m ordering pizza, Friday special. You should stay for dinner, Tony.”

Tony places his free hand on his chest.

“I would be honoured.”

May looks at Tony strangely before retreating to the kitchen to retrieve the menus.

As soon as she’s out of sight Tony takes his arm off Peter and quickly shifts away from him like he’s been burned. 

“Dude,” Peter whispers, bewildered. “What the fuck?”

“Oh my god,” Tony whispers, shuddering as his face scrunches up in disgust. “I’m going to have to pour scalding hot water on all the places your skin just touched me. Ugh, I feel like I just touched toe fungus.”

Peter slaps his arm.

“What is wrong with you?”

Tony backhands Peter’s arm in retaliation and then shudders all over again.

“Your aunt is crazy hot, okay, I couldn’t help myself. It was an instinctual reaction. Is she taken? C’mon. Vindicate me.” 

“I’ll eviscerate you --”

“-- I mean, clearly she married into the family, she doesn’t share your unfortunate phenotype, but I didn’t see a ring on her finger. So? Yes or no?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Peter hisses as his aunt comes back in. “She’s not available to you. Not now, not ever.”

“But she is available?”

“Don’t even, Stark. You’re like, sixteen. Don’t you have any shame?”

Tony smiles, as she nears. “Not a shred.”

“So,” May waves a menu at them. “You boys happy with pepperoni?”

Closing his eyes, Peter wishes for death.

As fate would have it, he gets pepperoni instead.

-----

If you had ever told Peter that he would be sitting down for dinner with his Aunt and a dirt-streaked Tony Stark, he would have laughed.

And if Peter were outside himself he would probably find the sharing of pizza and soda over their plastic, chequered table-cloth comical -- in that uncanny, Dogs Playing Poker kind of way. But in reality there was nothing funny about the discomfort of having Tony in his personal space or the heavy, suffocating tension that has removed the air from the room. 

The entire time Tony has been hamming it up, cracking jokes with his aunt, complimenting her on the decor, asking what she does for work. Peter doesn’t know if he’s being sweet to May for the purpose of buttering her up, or, given the wealth of his family in contrast to the Parkers, if he’s being cruelly facetious. 

Nonetheless, Peter has felt on edge. It’s disconcerting, is what it is. Every single movement Tony makes, every time he opens his mouth -- frequently to sweet-talk his aunt -- has Peter’s anxiety standing at attention, hyperaware of everything the other boy does.

He’s beginning to feel like a meerkat whose den has been invaded by a lion.

Through the course of a single meal Peter’s attention moves from the sky to the floor. There is no grace or higher power that is coming to save him from this profound, unusual torture. 

So he focuses his hopes to the south, seeing through their tiny, cramped, dinner table, past bargaining. He’s willing to trade his soul to end it all. Surely some wayward being from hell would come to his rescue. 

May has Peter’s chin between her fingers. She turns it this way and that, inspecting his injuries.

“What happened this time, bubby?” She frowns, brow furrowing. “You look like you got beat up.”

Peter, very aware of Tony’s amused gaze on them, gently pulls away from her grasp. He smiles placatingly and picks at his pizza slice. God he’s never going to live this down.

“Training accident. It’s okay, I feel fine. ‘Tis but a scratch,” he brings himself to joke.

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

She leans in to kiss his cheek, carefully avoiding the fresh scabs and injured flesh. “God, you bruise like a peach. Be careful, baby, you’re our money maker,” she laughs. “What about you Tony, do you play football?”

Tony, who is mid way through chewing on a mouthful of pizza, momentarily chokes, beating his chest with his fist to swallow down the obstruction.

“Uh, no,” Tony gulps, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Nope. No recreational sports for me. Can’t.” He gestures to his chest and sighs heavily. “Asthma.”

Peter sips his coke and rolls his eyes, knowing full well there’s a half-empty pack of Marlboro Light’s in the pocket of Tony’s jeans. Asthma. What a schmuck.

“That’s a shame. Do you boys have classes together?”

Unfortunately, Peter thinks.

The other boy seems to have the same thought, as he glares at Peter from over the table. When he picks up his can of coke, he gives Peter the finger outside of May’s eye-line.

“That’s why Tony’s here,” Peter twists his napkin in his grip. “We have an econ assignment together on microeconomics. Teach says Tony’s destined to be on welfare.”

Tony leans in, chin rested on his hand. He addresses May but his stare, dark and odious, rests on Peter.

“Not accurate. Stay-at-home parent, actually. One might say that is the most important job of all. Wouldn’t you agree, May?”

She raises her Coke.

“Hear, hear.”

Tony grins roguishly, the same grin he gave the girls at the lockers earlier. “Petey here was just saying that we should ask you about your experience running a household on a single salary. We’d love to have you as a reference.”

“Was I saying that?” Peter narrows his eyes. “I can’t remember.”

Tony kicks him under the table. The hit lands right in his knee cap.

Wincing, Peter kicks back, satisfied when the other boy bites his lip to hold back a pained groan.

“Yeah, well, not surprising,” Tony says airily, waving his hand. “Hit your head today, didn’t you? Maybe you should get all that damage looked into.”

The napkin rips in Peter’s grasp.

“Maybe you should go f--”

“I’d be more than happy to help with your assignment, boys,” May cuts in.

Whatever snide reply he has in his mouth instantly wilts when he looks over to his Aunt. She looks...pleased. Delighted, almost. Her eyes under the dull, yellow kitchen light seem to get warmer, and her smile is small but softens around the edges.

Instantly, Peter feels like the worst person in the world. Of course May would be the best person to ask. She does so much for him, the least he can do is set his pride aside for one moment to make her feel good about how hard she works for their life.

He reaches over to squeeze her hand, smiling as gratitude swells unexpectedly in his chest.

“Thanks, May. That would be great.”

Across the table, a smug Tony looks like the cat who got the cream. 

Without warning, Peter’s chest goes hot with contempt, his fingernails dig into his palm. He’s not sure he’s ever met anyone he couldn’t like, until now.

I hate you, Peter mouths while May busies herself with rounding up the pizza boxes.

Kiss my ass, Tony mouths back. 

In an instant his expression flips from contemptuous to angelic when he stands and offers to help May clean up.

Peter stands too, sparing a disdainful glance to the floor. Turns out not even the devil was willing to give him a hand.

Natasha was right. It’s going to end in murder.

---

Peter walks Tony to the door after dinner to say goodbye to his ‘friend’. Following him into the hall, Peter closes the door behind them.

“What do you want, Parker?” Tony asks wearily, retrieving a cigarette from his pocket. “I’m trying to make a getaway here.”

Peter crosses his arms over his chest. “Don’t do that with my aunt. I’m not joking, asshole. It’s not cool.”

“Relax, princess,” Tony rolls his eyes, fishing for his lighter in his backpack. “I’m not actually interested. Just trying to get under your skin. Worked, see? You’re easy like that. Hey, why do you live with your aunt anyways?”

“None of your business,” he frowns as Tony holds one hand up in surrender and lights his cigarette with the other. “Dude, you can’t smoke in here.”

“Can’t, shouldn’t, gonna. By the way, you’ve got sauce on your chin, it’s very distracting.”

Peter wipes at it without thinking. When he pulls it away there is indeed a smear of red sauce on his hand.

Tony walks backwards down the hall and exhales a cloud of smoke, waving in a sardonic imitation of a farewell.

“See you Monday, bubby.”

Peter doesn’t bother with a response, too tired from the week, exhausted by this whole darn day, and it’s not like the other boy cares what he has to say anyway. He takes a moment to swallow his anger before he heads back inside, sighing. 

Well, at least he has an entire weekend free of Stark to look forward to.

May looks at him curiously when he reemerges, but says nothing. He considers for a moment about heading to his bedroom and playing a video game to disassociate - but then, suddenly, remembers her smile earlier, and how alone she looks now. A surge of affection hits him right beneath his breastbone.

He checks his watch and then catches her eye.  Tilting his head towards the living room, he says, “Hey. You wanna eat some ice cream and watch some Colbert before bed?”

She smiles just like she did earlier and kisses his cheek. “Sounds nice, Pete.”

Maybe the whole day wasn’t lost.

As May heads to the sofa and switches the TV on, Peter catches sight of the Magic 8-Ball from the corner of his eye. He walks over and gives it a shake.

Outlook good.

*

*

----

tagging: @bylerboyfriends @ravens-starker-stuff, @starker-rays, @ironspiderstarker, @notfor-temporaryuse, @tabbycat1220, @sugarfreecult, @rebel13lion39, @muse-of-gods

[kalimagik]

Trouble in Paradise

(Pt. 2)

Tom Holland x Reader x Harrison Osterfield

Word Count: ~3k

Warnings: some language 

A/N: Here is part two of my 100 Followers Celebration Weekend! I hope y’all enjoy reading it and thank you so much for all of the support! Part 3 will be out tomorrow around 4:15 EST! Happy Reading, lovelies <3<3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 

Y/N felt a million times better after sailing around the Hawaiian island, listening to Haz try to make her laugh, and swimming in different coves. Not to mention, 4 out of those 8 other people were other boys on vacation who kept trying to get Y/N’s attention. That helps a girl gain some confidence back. Haz had to keep stealing that attention back though. He hated the sight of all of these boys drooling all over Y/N.

“Where have you two been?” Tom asked as they strolled onto the beach.

“I decided to see some more of the island, so the concierge suggested this awesome boat tour around the island,” Y/N nonchalantly answered.

“YOU WENT ON A BOAT?” Paddy yelled.

“That we did, Pads! It was absolutely amazing! Except for the fact that people kept trying to take Y/N’s attention from the tour,” Haz played.

“They were not trying to get my attention,” Y/N felt herself blush.

“Who was trying to get her attention?” Tom interjected.

“All of these boys that were vacationing together. It was ridiculous to see them throw themselves at her,” Haz continued.

“Wait, they were? What the heck. That’s gross!” Tom spoke.

“What’s so gross about that Tom?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah, Tom. What’s so gross about that?” Jamie followed.

“Just that boys would do that type of thing. Like what the heck, you know?” Tom tried to save himself.

“Tommy, can you come with me to put some more sunscreen on my back?” Jamie asked, but Y/N could sense the iciness in her voice.

As soon as she left, she turned to Haz, “I think that you just got him in trouble…”

“Maybe I will offer to let her sleep in our room…”

“Might be a good idea. You kept me in good company today, soooo I figure a few more laughs each night isn’t so bad,” Y/N laughed.

Harrison left Y/N on the beach as he went to catch up with Tom and his girlfriend.

“Tom! Jamie! Wait up!” Harrison called before mumbling to himself, “wow…I have been telling people to wait for me too much today…”

“What’s up, Haz?” Tom stopped.

“Why don’t you two share our room.”

“Where are you going to sleep?” Tom asked.

“I will just bunk with Y/N. We’ve all had sleepovers before, so it isn’t weird and I’ve already asked her, so it’s fine!”

“Oh…uhhh, okay. Yeah. That would be great…” Tom hesitated a bit.

“Oh my gosh, Harrison! That would be amazing! Oh, Tommy! Now we can spend so much more time together!” Jamie cooed.

“Yeah. Thanks, Haz…” Tom said before turning around to follow Jamie.

Harrison watched as the two of them went into the house, not entirely sure as to why Tom was being all weird, but he figured he could get back to Y/N and the rest of the Hollands. He walked back to Y/N and the other 3 Holland boys playing soccer on the beach. It was a sight that he liked to see.

“Paddy! Paddy! Pass it over to me!” Y/N called, getting the smallest Holland’s attention.

“Here you go, Y/N! OH MY GOSH! SHOOT! SHOOT! AND SCORE! YES Y/N!”

“Harry! How could you leave her wide open?” Sam complained.

“Don’t be blaming me! Common. Let’s start it up again. We can get them this time,” Harry said, putting the ball at the center of their makeshift field.

“Don’t push your luck, boys!” Y/N mocked, high fiving Paddy.

Harrison watched as the twins started off the next play and couldn’t help himself.

“Haz comes in from the sidelines! No one was expecting him! He steals the ball and GOAL!” Haz laughed as he took the ball from Sam and scored.

He ran around in circles before he huddled with Paddy and Y/N, scooping them into his arms to celebrate.

“WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN!” Y/N and Paddy chanted and laughed.  

Harrison loved this moment, even though Paddy was also in his embrace.

“Alright, winners. How about we celebrate with some dinner?” Nikki stated.

Paddy rushed to his mom’s  side, but Haz and Y/N sort of lingered in their embrace. Y/N had no idea what she was feeling, but she pulled away once she started feeling warmth. This was her best friend, plus she didn’t need any more complicated feelings.

“What’s for dinner, Mum?” Sam asked.

“Just this and that. Don’t worry, it’ll be good! Dad ordered out instead of cooking!”

Everyone couldn’t help but laugh at that and then run inside. Y/N went to go into her room to grab another cover-up when she passed Tom and now Jamie’s room.

“Tom. Why did you invite that girl?”

“She is one of my best friends. Why wouldn’t I invite her?”

“Isn't it weird to have a girl with your essentially all male family?”

“No. She gets along with everyone great. Besides, we are just friends. No one has ever had feelings for each other. So just relax a little bit, Jamie. Are we okay, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah. It should be fine.”

Y/N felt her heart sink after it had just started to rise again. Tom had never had any feelings for her. Ever. How had she been so stupid? With all of the feelings, she accidentally slammed her door and stood there grimacing, hoping that no one heard her.

*knock, knock, knock*

She knew it was too good to be true.

“Who is it?”

“You know who it is. Plus, it’s my room too...”

“Oh yeah. Come in,” Y/N whispered as she opened the door. “Did you hear that?”

“Well, yes. But, I was on my way in here anyways, love. You weren’t that loud.”

“Okay…that’s good,” Y/N sighed as she slid down onto the floor.

“Hey, hey, hey! I thought we were doing better today. Why don’t you come out and eat some dinner. Then we can take a walk along the beach and maybe watch those Hawaiian stars that you love. How’s that sound?”

Y/N couldn’t help but let the corners of her lips turn up into a smile, “Thanks, Haz. How do you always know what to do?”

“Just because I know you, darlin’. Now, let’s go.”

Y/N followed Haz out of their room and into the kitchen.

“There you two are!” Tom beamed, “Come sit down so we can eat some of this delicious Hawaiian, Chinese takeout!” he laughed.

Y/N was able to get through dinner without any more meltdowns and even better, the next few days were some of the best of her life. She only felt depressed about Tom a few times, but each time, Haz was there to cheer her up. Tom, on the other hand, saw the two spending a lot of time together, sometimes seeing the way Haz would look at Y/N. Although, he was jealous of the time his two best friends spent together and that was really starting to show through with Jamie.

“Tom, Tom! Tommy! Are you paying attention to me?” Jamie snapped as Tom watched Harrison and Y/N in the tidepools, picking up aquatic life.

“Yeah, babe. I am, I am. What were you saying?”

“You aren’t listening! You’re staring at Y/N again. I thought you never had any feelings for her?!”

“I didn’t…I mean, I don’t! My friends are just spending a lot of time together, without me.”

“Well, you’re with me, so isn’t that fine?”

“I don’t know. I guess.”

“TOM!” Jamie yelled before stomping off inside.

Tom followed her inside, and Harrison and Y/N watched the two dash off.

“Think he needed her that badly?” Y/N giggled, finally feeling a little bit better and like she was moving on.

Things were pretty calm for a while in the Hawaiian ocean, until Y/N heard the slamming of a car door.

“What’s that?”

“Jamie! Jamie!” they heard Tom call, “Ah. Whatever. Fuck it!”

Harrison and Y/N saw Tom come around the corner of the house and stomp towards the beach.

“Tom?” Y/N called, “What’s wrong?”

“Ah, it’s fucking nothing. Jamie got mad or whatever and just stormed off,” Tom waved it off.

“Why did she get mad?” Haz asked genuinely.

“She thought that I had feelings or whatever for Y/N and was all pissed that I had invited her, even though Y/N was here first. I told her she was crazy! Y/N is my best friend! I couldn’t have feelings for her! We are like brother and sister!”

And there it was. The last dagger in Y/N’s heart. The one that she felt was breaking it into a million, no a billion pieces. She couldn’t stand here anymore and listen to the person she thought was the love of her life rip her heart out and stomp all over it. She stood up from the sand and ran. She didn’t know where she was going, but hoped that it would get to the opposite side of the island, somewhere where no one could feel or hear her heart shattering.

“What’s wrong with her?” Tom asked cluelessly.

“Are you serious, you div?”

“What?”

“You made that girl fall so hard for you by giving her so much time and attention and never even thought to look at her like the beautiful girl that she is. You strung her along, pulled her into your charm, and left her clinging onto every word or touch that you’ve given her. You only looked at her as a fun person to be around and didn’t see the most beautiful, passionate, funny, bubbly, dedicated, and smart girl in the entire world,” Haz said.

“Haz. What the fuck? You talk about her like you’re in love with her.”

“How would you know what that sounds like?” Harrison shouts.

“BECAUSE I WAS AND HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER!” Tom yelled even louder.

“No you fucking haven’t. If you were, you would’ve done something. She is a once in a lifetime type of girl.”

“I was never good enough for her! How could anyone be good enough for her? She’s perfect! But, you’re in love with her too…aren’t you?” Tom said, finally lowering his voice, “I can see how you look at her…”

“Yeah. I am. I have been falling for her since the moment we saw her in that pub.”

“Well, same. But what can we do about it?”

“I guess we should go find her first? Huh? I can’t stand here and think about her crying somewhere…” Haz trailed off.

“Okay, let’s go,” Tom said, trying to follow Y/N’s footsteps.

“Why did you get a girlfriend if you were in love with her?” Haz had to ask.

“I needed to find something to take my mind off her, but as you two got closer and closer together, I couldn’t stop thinking about her…”

“Then, there is probably something that you need to know before we find her,” Haz sighed.

Tom stopped, curious about what his best friend had to say.

“I was, kinda, sorta, helping her get her mind off of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s been in love with you, but you were too blind to see it. She’s been crazy about you. So, when she obviously chooses you, I’ll try my best not to look upset because she doesn’t know that I’m in love with her.”

“She does? But, she doesn’t?” Tom tried to  wrap his mind around all of the hidden feelings being told to him. “How do you know that she’s going to pick me? You’ve been there for her all week and probably every time I was an idiot. You should tell her how you feel.”

“I can’t…because…well, I’ve known her feelings for a while. I can’t take away the moment that would make her so happy…That moment where the one she loves tells her that he loves her too. I’m not going to get that from her…I’m just her best friend.” Harrison hung his head, trying to accept what he was saying.

Tom didn’t get to respond before they saw Y/N sitting at the water line a little ways further. Tom was going to tell Harrison to be the one to talk to her, but she looked over and saw them before he had the chance. She wiped her eyes and turned to the side in hopes that they maybe, possibly didn’t see her. She knew that was too good to be true.

“Y/N! Hey, hey, hey. Stop that…” Haz said as the two boys ran the rest of the distance and sat down on either side of her.

Harrison cupped her face, wiped the rest of the tears, and then pulled her into his chest. By this point in their friendship, he knew how to comfort her.

“Y/N?” Tom whispered.

She lifted her head up from Harrison’s chest, “What?”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t actually mean any of those things. I just couldn’t let her think that I had feelings for you. She was my girlfriend.”

“If you didn’t mean them, then why did you have to say them to me?”

“Because he actually is in love with you,” Haz piped up.

“Haz, no…” Tom tried to interject.

“And he should know that you love him too. You two want each other and should be together. I’ll leave you be for a bit, but not too long…”

Y/N tried to stop Harrison from leaving, but he had already made up his mind. He wanted the girl he loved to be happy. And he knew that his best friend would be the happiest guy in the world if he had the chance to be with a girl like that.

“Tom? Is what he said true?” Y/N asked once Haz walked a distance away.

“Well, yeah. It is. I’ve been falling for you since I met you, but you were and still are too good for me. You’re really going places. I can’t get in the way of that…” Tom tried to explain, hoping all of the words would come, “but…I can’t come here and confess all my feelings, expect you to run into my arms, and not tell you something else…”

Y/N looked at Tom confused.

“I’ve been an utter and complete jerk on numerous occasions, but there was someone who was always there for you, love. Harrison has. Do you know why he does all of that?”

“Because he’s my best friend?”

“Well, that and because he’s also in love with you,” Tom finished.

“No he isn’t! Well, he was…but he told me earlier this week that those feelings are all gone.”

“Y/N. He has watched you fall for me as he fell for you. He watched the person he loves, love someone else and has never said a word…”

“Oh shit…” Y/N said cutting off Tom because she thought of her words to Harrison just a few days earlier, “Tom…I have been a total jerk to Harrison. Shit! I messed things up so badly!”

“What do you mean?” Tom asked, genuinely curious.

“I can’t really explain because it makes me look terrible and I just have to find him,” Y/N blurted out, standing up.

Tom felt his chances with this amazing girl with the E/C eyes begin to fade away until she leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Thank you for telling me everything. How you feel, how Harrison feels, and apologizing, but I really have to go find him. Maybe we can talk about this a little more later?” Y/N asked before running off.

“Yeah, okay,” Tom essentially whispered.

He wanted her, he wanted her to be his so badly. He was so stuck on what to feel. This whole thing was a mess. He didn’t want to hurt his best friend. But he didn’t want to lose either person. So, as Y/N ran down the beach, Tom just sat there and tried to come up with something to do.

“Haz?” Y/N said as she knocked on her shared door with Harrison.

“I’m not in here!” Haz called.

“Good try,” Y/N chuckled as she walked in. Now was time for her second hard conversation in one day. “Can I talk to you?”

“Always, darlin’. Where’s Tom? He hasn’t picked you up and carried you into the sunset yet?”

“Haz…” Y/N tilted her head, feeling bad for the boy.

“Why are you here is all I mean to say. No. No. No. Not that, why aren’t you with him?”

“He told me…everything,” Y/N said, trying to gage Harrison’s reaction.

“Hence why he should be carrying you off into the sunset,” Haz scoffed.

“No, Haz. Everything…”

Haz picked his head up, but wasn’t sure whether to be worried or hopeful.

“You told me that you didn’t have any feelings for me anymore…”

“You were feeling so hurt. I couldn’t let you have any more pain or worry in your life. You were so down.”

“Why are you always so sweet to me Haz?”

“Because it’s what you deserve. It’s how everyone should treat you,” Haz said, finally meeting Y/N’s eyes.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that you loved me?”

“For the same reason you didn’t tell Tom that you loved him.”

“Oh…I see…”

“So, why are you here?”

“I…I…I don’t know. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how rude I was to you a few days ago. I didn’t think about what I was saying…”

“Common! Don’t be so hard on yourself! You had no idea! I didn’t tell you!”

“No, Haz. Stop! It was terrible…I was terrible…”

“You could be the worst person in the whole world and I would still think that you’re the best,” Haz chuckled.

“Haz? What do we do from here?” Y/N dared to ask.

“I don’t know love. I honestly don’t know.”

Y/N couldn’t help but lay her head on Harrison’s shoulder and just enjoy being in his presence.

She didn’t know what to do. She was also super confused now. She loved both of these boys, but she didn’t know what feeling went with which boy.

Tag List:

@thesuitelifeofafangirl // @viwihere

[flapperfromthefuture]

Huh. Greenland is in the news a lot lately, for reasons that would only seem normal in some horrifically overblown satire.

My dad sent me two articles yesterday that quoted residents of tiny Kulusuk, Greenland, a village on the eastern coast of the country.

  Most people in this world have never set foot in Greenland (including the orange sociopath who wants to buy it. With what, the money from the for-profit concentration camps?). But my dad and I have, somehow.

It feels like a dream. Those halcyon days of 2008. My dad and I took a graduation trip to Scandinavia in July. We’re big fans of universal healthcare and the Maelstrom ride at Epcot (RIP), so we figured we’d feel right at home.

We flew Icelandair to Reykjavik—a big comfy plane, I remember—and in the seat pocket was a brochure advertising day trips to different destinations, including Greenland. My dad and I had talked about how Greenland would be close enough to visit while we were in Iceland, but in a very vague and alien way, like how you know you’ll be closer to the sun when you visit Hawaii but you don’t really think about it until you have a sunburn the shade of a pink hibiscus flower, and even then, you’re not going to visit.

Greenland was like that. We knew it would be nearby, but didn’t have the first idea of how to get there, or any clue what we would find if we did.

But now, I held Greenland in my hands. And it was a picture of a smiling elderly woman in a kayak in the middle of beautiful blue water lit by the sun. Greenland looked warm, inviting, and reasonably priced.

Later, my dad would joke that the brochure should’ve had a little asterisk that said, “Sun not included.”

We booked the excursion after a few days of traveling around Iceland, during which the sun never set, I taught my dad the correct pronunciation of “Bjork,” and narrowly stopped him from buying a heavy wool sweater that a) he would never wear, b) would take up a good 80% of his suitcase and c) COST $800 IN AMERICAN MONEY.

I was very keen on steering Dad towards light, easily transportable souvenirs, like hats and figurines of elves, because I’m the one who had to carry his suitcase all over Scandinavia.

Because, you see, my dad had a hernia. He’d been cleared for the trip and was having surgery as soon as we got home, but he wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavy or walk for too long. Fortunately, Iceland is full of cute shops and cafés with plenty of places to sit down and relax and have some delicious skyr, so we were doing great.

My dad asked the woman at the front desk of our hotel what the weather would be like in Greenland. She said it would be same as Iceland, crisp but sunny and in the high 50s.

This was a lie.

Of course, if we had done any research at all (we didn’t have decent smartphones yet! So long ago!), we would’ve been able to better prepare ourselves, but instead we went to the one Thai restaurant in Iceland and imagined what Greenland would be like.

I assumed that where we’d be going would have a national park vibe—lots of picnic tables and slightly terrifying bathrooms but lovely vistas and well-marked places of interest. Definitely a vending machine or two, probably a little café with sandwiches and chips and maybe a fruit cup. I pictured a single stoplight that was always blinking.

Dad, on the other hand, pictured multiple stoplights, full service restaurants and gift shops. My dad loves a good gift shop.

We walked to the city airport from our hotel. I wore a hoodie, my purse and a wool hat that I’d purchased as a souvenir, while Dad had a windbreaker and not one, but two hats—one for fashion, one for function. We both wore jeans and regular sneakers that were best suited for walking on pavement that has no moisture on it whatsoever.

My dad had a hernia.

We packed a little bag of muffins from the hotel’s breakfast spread, just in case we needed a snack on the flight or the café in Greenland was running low.

Naturally, we ate all the muffins while waiting to board the flight. It was eight in the morning, and we weren’t getting back to Iceland until six or seven in the evening.

“It’ll be okay,” said Dad, brushing muffin crumbs off his windbreaker.

We were flying Iceland’s internal airline, Flugfelag, which will be my alias if I ever go into hiding. Our ride was a twin engine propellor with fifty-six seats. Not a lot of wiggle room. I had never flown in a propellor plane before, and mostly associated them with “Things that James Bond or Indiana Jones have jumped/been thrown out of.”

And the plane’s name? The Fokker 50. Thank you and good night.

We met our excursion guide, Captain Karl, who was Danish. We were the only Americans on our excursion—everyone else was Japanese or Chinese. The rest of the flight had been booked by a Russian tour group, and they looked ready to go, with massive parkas and winter boots.

Our flight attendant was too tall for our plane. She was at least six feet tall (and wearing heels!) with long blonde hair and giant blue eyes full of fear. Her shoulders hit every overhead bin whenever she wobbled down the aisle. She had to stoop down to give the safety announcement so she wouldn’t bang her head on the ceiling.

During the safety announcement, Dad nudged me and said, “In the event of a water landing, you have fifteen seconds to live.”

The flight was only ninety minutes, but the last thirty were turbulent with steep rollercoaster drops and ghostly footprints of glaciers that grew as we descended.

We glided over pitch black water and grayish green ice floes, and then landed . . . on something that felt less like a runway and more like driving through a puddle.

“Dad, there’s mud on the window,” I said, trying to understand what I was seeing. Mud doesn’t hit airplane windows, not unless the baggage handlers are having a mud fight.

“What?” said Dad, as mud and gravel splattered against our first view of Greenland from the ground.

“It’s a dirt runway.”

Dad said, “Oh, that’s different,” but told me later that he was thinking, “This is a more remote place than I thought.”

The runway was dirt because a cement runway would freeze and break apart. Oh, and because of the weather, flights only ran (to this airport at least, in 2008) between May and September.

We climbed down the plane’s stairs and were immediately hit with a blast of freezing air. It was sleeting, a mix of ice and rain that couldn’t make up its mind, but in the wind it was just substantial enough to pierce your skin.

And we had a hoodie and a windbreaker, respectively.

The Russians were all putting on their parkas.

“Uh-oh,” said Dad.

Kulusuk’s airport is one of Greenland’s minor airports, about the size of an elementary school library, but they had a gift shop that sold winter coats. What luck! Dad beckoned me to try one on.

“Nice and warm—and they look pretty sharp!”

“Dad, did you see the price tags on these?”

“No, but they can’t be that bad.”

“They’re 7,000 Danish krone.”

“I’m good with that!”

“Dad, these coats are one thousand dollars each.”

“. . . Never mind,” said Dad.

Freezing would be bad, but cheaper—and easier to explain to my mom.

Captain Karl gathered us around and said that it would be a forty-five minute walk to the village of Kulusuk. That . . . wasn’t going to work for us. We explained to Captain Karl that my dad had a hernia and rather than rightfully berate us for going to Greenland with a hernia that could rupture at any second, Captain Karl yelled something to a guy in Danish and the guy yelled something back.

“Hans will take you,” said Captain Karl. “He’s outside.”

“Does he work here?” asked Dad.

“No, he just . . . hangs around.”

We met Hans at his truck and he was more than happy to have company on the drive to the village. The dirt road took us past walls of snow and along cliff edges with no guardrails to spoil our view of the glaciers below. The truck had no seatbelts, so I basically did a full somersault in the back every time we took a hairpin curve.

This truck could have been built by a movie production designer who was really gunning for an Oscar. I could actually see the dirt suspended in the air and smell the rust that covered every exposed surface. A thousand cigarette butts were artfully strewn around, and the battery light blinked a dull red, like it had been ignored for a very long time and was in no rush to alert anyone.

Dad got the front seat, and he was eager to ask Hans about life in Greenland. Hans was Danish but his wife was a native Greenlander Inuit. He had lived there a long time, but couldn’t remember exactly how long.

The landscape ahead of us was grey, bleak, and unending. And it was July.

“How short do the days get in the winter?” asked Dad.

Hans said, “Oh, the days don’t get short at all! In January we get five and a half hours of daylight. That’s not short.”

He took a curve around a snowbank at least thirty feet high, and I did a cartwheel in the backseat.

Hans added, with aching sincerity, “If I had to live somewhere where it was dark all the time, I’d get really depressed.”

Upside down in the backseat, I thought, “Holy shit.”

Five and a half hours of daylight means eighteen and a half hours of darkness.

Past the snowbank, the clouds parted enough for us to see a glimpse of a graveyard, and crayon-colored huts in the distance.

This was Kulusuk, sixty miles south of the Arctic Circle.

Hans dropped us off at the supermarket, which was maybe a quarter the size of the average American drugstore. Still, they had everything you could possibly need—medicine, fishing gear, diapers, meat, rifles, clothes, even gumballs.

Most people in Greenland still hunt and fish to survive. There was some fruit on the shelves, but it was all long past fresh and very expensive.

We waited for Captain Karl and the rest of the group to arrive. The few people who trickled in and out of the store looked startled at the sight of strangers just standing around, poorly dressed, but then just went on with their shopping. We met another Danish tour guide who lived in the village, and the local police officer. My dad, a former cop himself, was eager to talk to him, but he only spoke the Inuit language. The Danish guide explained that he didn’t have a badge, or training, or really many duties—he got the job because he liked driving the police cart.

In 2008, Kulusuk had 310 people. Now it’s around 280.

Captain Karl collected us—he had a very reserved Danish manner but I’m pretty sure he was both relieved and shocked that we had survived the ride—and we joined the group down the road in a large red building that served as a community center. Just a short walk in the freezing rain and pounding wind was enough to soak us to the bone.

We watched a presentation led by an older Inuit woman in traditional clothing—she was Hans’ wife. Their very cute granddaughter demonstrated songs and dances while the woman told stories in Inuit—which Hans translated into Danish, so the guide for the Russian excursion could translate into Russian. Dad and I were out of luck, but the Russians seemed to enjoy it.

It was still a good show, though. The little girl posed for pictures with the tourists afterwards.

I wonder where she is now. What she thinks of all that is happening in her country. What she remembers about dancing for tour groups and posing for pictures.

Our next stop was a small grey hut—finally, a gift shop. The owner of the gift shop was a woman from Iceland who was married to a Danish hunting guide, so she spent half the year in Greenland and half the year in Iceland.

Dad told her, “You should spend half the year in Hawaii!”

We picked up some keychains and postcards, but then I saw a glimmer in my dad’s eye—he’d seen something expensive. It was a grey winter jacket with a Kulusuk patch on the sleeve. My dad can’t resist a good patch.

“I would look so cool,” he said. “First person on our block to have a Kulusuk coat, that’s for sure!”

“This costs $1,800 in American money,” I said.

“But look at the patch.”

“Where would you wear this? You barely go outside in the winter.”

“I’ll wear it going back and forth to the mailbox!”

“You can’t pay eighteen hundred dollars for something you’ll wear for thirty seconds a day,” I said. “Mom will murder you.”

Dad grudgingly admitted defeat.

Next on the itinerary was a kayak demonstration—but the winds were 40 miles per hour, and the seas were too rough, so the demonstration was canceled. It was raining even harder now, so we were directed to a small church. We sat in a pew at the back and watched the Russians, huddled in their parkas, whip out open-face sandwiches and tiny bottles of vodka.

“Talk about being prepared for cold weather!” said Dad.

Captain Karl briefed us on our return to the airport. Next to the supermarket, there was a dock, with a metal ladder about ten feet long, that we would climb down to a flotilla of small boats that would take us to the airport in groups of three or four.

I am kicking myself eleven years later for not taking a picture of this ladder, but my dad and I have breathlessly described it so many times I can still see it perfectly.

This metal chain ladder was not connected to anything other than the very top of the dock. It wasn’t the kind of ladder that painters use—with a fixed structure that supports the rungs—but the kind of ladder you’d see on a treehouse, with metal chain loops between the rungs. So as you’re climbing down, you’re holding onto a slim metal chain that is moving with you—and the 40 mph winds—as opposed to steadying you as you descend.

The sea was so rough that if you lingered for longer than a few seconds on this ladder, you were going to get slammed with a wave of freezing water. You know, on top of the freezing rain that was dunking you from the sky.

So it goes without saying that everything in this scenario was soaked—the ladder, our shoes, and our hands. I hadn’t been able to feel my fingers and toes for about six hours at this point. There was no way I would be able to grasp and hold onto the ladder safely, and gripping with my mud-soaked, treadless sneakers that were made for power-walking around an air-conditioned mall? Not going to happen.

  We watched the first group descend the ladder, clinging on for dear life. Once they managed to throw themselves into the boat, it took off, spraying them with freezing water all the way back to the airport.

“Did you see the fear in that Chinese lady’s eyes?” said my dad later. “I think she wanted us to notify her next of kin. I was just imagining what would happen if my hernia burst.”

Oh yeah. That hernia.

Dad and I quickly assessed the situation, as another group threw themselves over the dock and into the boat.

The best case scenario would be to fall in the water and freeze to death in fifteen seconds.  Worst case scenario would be falling off the ladder, hitting the boat and breaking a limb or your back and then hitting the water and freezing to death in fifteen seconds.

And the last thing you would hear would be the laughter of the glaciers, mocking you for thinking you could conquer Greenland, which even the Vikings abandoned because it was too cold.

But the worst worst case scenario, for us, would be if Dad’s hernia burst (causing him to fall off the ladder, hit the boat, fall into the water and freeze to death in fifteen seconds).

“If my hernia bursts, they can’t rush me to Kulusuk General Hospital,” said Dad.

Kulusuk’s medical services, at least at that time, were provided by a single resident nurse. There were no highways to other towns—people traveled into the interior by snowmobile.

As Dad said later, “Maybe I could’ve been transported to another town by a Russian tourist, drinking vodka and driving a snowmobile for the first time. My only hope was they would rush me to the gift shop.”

I said, “We aren’t going on this ladder.”

We approached Captain Karl, who was really very patient with us considering the number of unprepared demanding Americans he must deal with on the regular, and he sent us over to a Danish guy, who took us to a garage near the grocery store, where he asked an Inuit guy with a pickup truck to take us to the airport.

Once again, we got in a stranger’s truck with no seatbelts—but we would’ve happily ridden in the truck’s bed clinging to the bumper just to avoid that ladder.

However, there were only two seats. So yours truly, an adult, had to sit on my dad’s lap for the entire ride. But I didn’t want to risk sitting on the hernia, so I sat kind of halfway on his knee and then held myself up as best I could by gripping the doorframe, with my head squashed against the window, so I wouldn’t bump my dad’s hernia.

The route back to the airport was just as wild as before, with icy hairpin turns and ditch-sized potholes, all of which our driver took with one hand on the wheel, because the other hand was holding his cell phone. He was talking to someone in Inuit the entire ride—probably telling them, “You won’t believe the idiots I have with me. Yes, they’re Americans.”

That long stretch of road along a sheer drop-off into the ocean was really exciting, and I only hit my head careening around the turns maybe six or seven times. I only lost a few piano lessons, nothing I’ll miss.

We made it to the airport, but the weather was getting worse. We met up with the rest of our group, who only knew us as the weird Americans who kept disappearing, and Captain Karl, who was worried that our plane wouldn’t be able to take off. There was another tour running that day, where after their time in Kulusuk, people were taking Russian helicopters to another town with a hotel.

Dad and I watched people board this Soviet-era helicopter that was struggling to stay upright in the freezing wind, and gulped. The years and the elements had not been kind to these helicopters.

“They look like someone sent them through a reverse car wash,” said Dad.

Years later, while watching Chernobyl, my dad recognized the helicopters that were flying in the clean-up crews.

“That’s the helicopter we saw in Greenland!” he said. “Am I glad we didn’t have to fly in one of those!”

Thankfully, our plane was able to take off. Our statuesque flight attendant knelt down to welcome us back. Captain Karl gave us lovely “Certificates of Achievement” with our names on them. He spelled my name as Elisabeth, which made me love it even more—I have it framed in a place of honor, next to a painting my dad made of the picture at the very top of this post.

As we sat down and buckled our seatbelts, Dad pulled a plastic bag out from under his windbreaker.

“You’ve had the muffin bag the entire time?”

“I shoved it under my shirt,” he said. “For warmth.”

On one of the hottest days this summer, locals in the tiny village of Kulusuk, Greenland, heard what sounded like an explosion. It turned out to be a soccer field’s worth of ice breaking off a glacier more than five miles away. Greenland lost 12.5 billion tons of ice to melting on August 2, the largest single-day loss in recorded history. NASA oceanographer Josh Willis: “Greenland has impacts all around the planet. There is enough ice in Greenland to raise the sea levels by 7.5 meters, that’s about 25 feet, that would be devastating to coastlines all around the planet. We are all connected by the same ocean.” —CNN

The climate crisis is causing unprecedented levels of stress and anxiety to people in Greenland who are struggling to reconcile the traumatic impact of global heating with their traditional way of life.The first ever national survey examining the human impact of the climate emergency shows that more than 90% of islanders interviewed fully accept that the climate crisis is happening, with a further 76% claiming to have personally experienced global heating in their daily lives, from coping with dangerous sea ice journeys to having sled dogs euthanized for economic reasons tied to shorter winters. — The Guardian

As a result of these climactic troubles, many Greenlanders are experiencing solostalgia, a term coined to describe the psychic pain of climate change, a feeling of missing home even without leaving, as home, the Earth, is changing. Courtney Howard, the board president of the Canadian Association of Physicians for the Environment, told the Guardian that Arctic people are now showing symptoms of anxiety, “ecological grief,” and even post-traumatic stress related to the effects of climate change. “The impact of climate change on mental health is a looming public health crisis,” she said. —Quartz

We knew eleven years ago that the climate was changing and that Greenland was melting. It’s 800,000 square miles and 80% is covered by an ice sheet that all of Greenlandic society and every city in the world that’s on a coastline depend on for survival, and it’s melting. My dad and I knew that before we went there, and we didn’t even know enough to bring decent shoes.

Dad just texted me, “I keep wondering what Kulusuk looks like now. This is pretty scary—has to be a wake up call.”

My dad is an eternal optimist, which allows him to do things like travel across the world with a hernia, but we’re long past a wake up call.

Dad and I Go to Greenland Huh. Greenland is in the news a lot lately, for reasons that would only seem normal in some horrifically overblown satire.

[yotsutama]

Twelve Fantasia Tour in Fukuoka

Idolish Seven PSVita Twelve Fantasia main story

Chapter 6 – New Song of Resolve

Yuki: I can’t… do it anymore……

Momo: Heey, Yuki! I brought snacks for us! Open the door!

Yuki: Should I cut this part? No, arranging it like this to make it fit in……

Momo: Hey, are you listening? Open it---- Wait, it’s not locked.

Yuki: Imagine it! Creating a melody that will shake people’s hearts!

*click*

Momo: Geez, Yuki!!

Yuki: Whoa, you surprised me! Call me when you come in.

Momo: I’ve called you many times. But you didn’t realize at all.

Momo: You were so focused on making our new song, huh? How is it, is it going well?

Yuki: Does it look like it’s going well to you?

Momo: Your face says it’s the end of the world. The atmosphere is heavy too.

Yuki: The lyrics I come up with doesn’t fit the song’s image. When I thought I reached my goal, the goal becomes even farther away than I expected.

Momo: You’re having a hard time, aren’t you?

Yuki: It’s a new song we will sing at Zero Arena. The pressure is big. (1)

Momo: It’s a special place, so you can’t help but force yourself. But, I think you should do it like you always do.

Yuki: Yeah……

Yuki: Being the last performers means we will stand in front of TRIGGER, IDOLiSH7, and the fans who support us.

Yuki: That’s why, I want to give them our best song. The best song I can ever write now.

Yuki: I’m anxious whether I can do it or not. The more I want to make a good song, the more I no longer know what I should do.

Yuki: How did I write songs up until now? I can’t help but wonder.

Momo: Yuki……

Yuki: …… Sorry, I let it slip out. It’s not something Momo should hear.

Yuki: It’s probably because I have stayed indoors for a long time that I became pessimistic. I will cool my head off.

Momo: Now!!

Yuki: Wah, so cold!? What are you doing so suddenly!?

Momo: I just bought it, it’s super cold, right? It’s Sparkling Peach and Apple! (2)

Momo: Listen, Yuki thinks too much. I get that you are determined about it.

Momo: But hey, Yuki has always made the best songs up until now, right?

Momo: I’ve been in Re:vale for 5 years. If we include the years when I was your fan, it’s even longer. I have heard every song Yuki’s made, and all of them are the best!

Yuki: ……………….

Momo: Every song touches my heart. Every time I listen to the demo, I always want to hurry and sing it.

Momo: It’s alright. If it’s Yuki, you can make the best song.

Momo: I’m Re:vale’s biggest fan, I have been singing beside Yuki, you can believe in Momo-chan!

Yuki: ……………..

Yuki: You’re right. Just like you said, it will definitely be alright.

Momo: Yeah, it’ll be alright! There’s no doubt in Momo-chan’s words. And above all, Yuki is a genius and ikemen!

Yuki: Being ikemen isn’t related, right?

Momo: It’s related!! …… Maybe.

Yuki: What’s that. At least have some confidence when you’re praising me.

Momo: It’s related! Soo related!

Yuki: Haha. Really, Momo…….

Momo: Oh, you finally laughed. Your expression when you’re depressed is sexy and good, but a smile is the best after all.

Yuki: Thanks, Momo. I’m not hesitating anymore.

Momo: No, no. I’m glad you feel better now.

Momo: Okay, let’s have a toast to celebrate it! I have Momorin for me too. Now, cheers--!

Yuki: Cheers.

Momo: Phew! Momorin is as delicious as ever! We had practice today, so it’s even more delicious.

Yuki: …… Hey, Momo.

Momo: Hm? What is it? You look so serious. Ah, is it love confession!?

Yuki: Something like that.

Momo: No way, what should I do!? My heart is not ready…! But Yuki has gathered the courage to say it, I should answer properly!

Momo: ……. Okay, I’m ready! Go ahead!

Yuki: I’m always thankful for you. I can be here now because you’re with me.

Momo: It’s embarrassing to say it now of all times.… But, I’m the one who’s thankful. It’s thanks to Yuki who decided to continue Re:vale.

Yuki: And, I’m determined now. We will definitely be the last performers and sing our new song in front of everyone. So-----

Yuki: If we can’t be the last performers, the new song will be stored away. (3)

Momo: I see. We must be resolved to do that much. I also want us to be the last performers no matter what.

Yuki: I’m still having a hard time with the new song, but I will definitely finish it. It will be an amazing song that will impress my cute kouhais, fans, and partner.

Yuki: Let’s sing this song together at Zero Arena.

Momo: Yeah! Aah~ I can’t wait. Hey, is there something I can do? I want to help you.

Yuki: There is.

Momo: Really!? What is it, what is it?

Yuki: I want to focus, so get out.

Momo: So cruel! That’s not something you should say to your partner who has just deepened our bonds, you know!?

Yuki: But, I can’t focus if Momo is here.

Momo: Uuh… I can’t argue with that. Okay. I will go now. If something happens, call me. I will fly here right away!

Momo: Bye, I’m looking forward to the new song Yuki!

*thud*

Yuki: “Looking forward to it,” huh?

Yuki: …… Okay, let’s do my best. I will definitely sing this song with Momo at the Zero Arena!

T/N?

Proofread by Sophia @ousama-pudding <3</p>

Again, I only translate chapter 5 - 9 (Fukuoka dome) about Re:vale and MEZZO”. You can watch a play-through by a japanese youtuber here or clear videos here but not completed.

(1) The new song they are talking about here is 奇跡 Kiseki.

(2)  Sparkling Peach and Apple = Momo and Ringo = Momorin

(3) お蔵入り = Stored away. The player can choose which group to be the last performers at Zero Arena which ends their tour. If Re:vale isn’t chosen, they won’t sing Kiseki forever in Ainana world.

tHANKS FOR READING

[kuuxkat]

[EN] Interview with Aki Hata

Original CN TL and Pictures: here CN TL： zegao​​​​​ (nyamazing) EN QC by: @yujachachacha​​

Yuja did lots for this TL. Thank her guys =)

It was mostly delayed due to IRL stuff.

Disclaimer: This is a Chinese to EN TL, there would be things that would be lost in translation between the languages.

I’m not posting the image of the TL, sorry about that. Stealing images aren’t cool.

Please refer to my policies for more details and do not use the translations for commercial use.

The contents are under the cut.

Interview With Aki Hata

The Radiance of Aqours: Searching for the Answer

Aki Hata—the composer and lyricist of all of the songs of “Love Live! Sunshine”.

The “answer” that was obtained from the youthfulness of Aqours as they ran with all their might is...

From the song that gave Aqours their initial fame, “Step! ZERO to ONE”,

To the song that lit up Season 2 Episode 12, “WATER BLUE NEW WORLD”.

In addition to the songs for the subunits as well as the lyrical world of Saint Snow,

In this interview, she discusses the feelings she had placed on the 1st and 2nd seasons of the TV anime.

​

Q: How did you view the story of Season 2 of the TV anime Season 2?

I was reading the script as I wrote the lyrics, and I really cried every time. There are some things in this world that are unattainable no matter how hard one tries. The way they met that challenge really made me feel that it was “indescribably beautiful”. In addition, I feel that the 2nd season was a reflection of reality, it was really compatible. I was still in a state of confusion when I first wrote “Step! ZERO to ONE”, but at this point, in my heart this song has become a key note of the story. And afterwards when the second season kicked off rapidly, in the process the lyrics were gradually woven into the story. From there, I felt that fate had a hand in it. I personally feel that “this song being used here was really fitting, right?”. I don’t know if everyone has the same feeling that I did. From a state of confusion to hearts being one, it was really incredible.

 Q: Did you see the performance at Metlife Dome during the 2L tour?

I did. Although the stage itself was very energetic, in terms of the atmosphere it was quite frigid (laughs). In a half-exposed environment, looking at their posture where they wanted to make the entire venue fall (for them), and to let their intent be transferred to everyone, I feel their determination in accepting this huge vacuum and to go all the way (with it).

 Q: So that means you felt self-awareness and responsibility during the performance?

That’s right, I felt the intent and realization of “I wish to let everyone enjoy more”. As the previous project was hugely popular. “They’ll definitely be compared to that”, “if the effect wasn’t ideal, would it be my fault?” -- For them to be able to take on all of this burden, I feel that they are very strong too.

 Q: I feel that the songs by Aqours during 1st season, the charm point resides in a sense of “stumbling around”. The impression of the many lyrics was that: “Although I don’t know what the end result would be, but in any case let’s try it”. A feeling like that. It’s evidently different in the 2nd season. Or rather, should we say that feeling of stumbling was harmonized?

As by the 2nd season, they would have found their own goal. They weren’t becoming anyone, but rather were radiating their own light. They would have kept that glow firmly etched in their hearts. At that time, I was thinking, life’s own answers would remain in one’s heart’, this fact and the story are seamless aligned. It let me feel that there was a resonance -- the answer was truly in one’s heart huh? For the lyrics side on the 1st season, I wrote them with being very straightforward and plain in mind. For example, in “Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?”, I thought: Did they discover “it” at the very end by relentless asking questions like this? As without asking, they wouldn’t have found the answer.

 Q: Let’s turn the focus to the period between Season 1 and Season 2 then. After “HAPPY PARTY TRAIN”, should we say that the model changed? It feels that the stumbling part of the lyrics was set aside for a while too.

 That’s right, amongst them I added an element of more maturity in then. Although it is a new way forward, but it wasn’t 100% a happy feel to it. As I feel that, everyone would want to see an Aqours that grew up and would be able to sing sad songs, right? Thus, although the main focus would be running towards the end goal, and how the destination could barely be seen, secondly it’s the reality of the story itself. Everyone would have realized it, if vaguely, but meeting any obstacle in reality, at times you would feel that: “Although you are seemingly able to ‘see’ the turning point, but in reality you can’t do anything about it.” I feel that for this current generation, there are more harsh situations in reality that the current younger generation has to face. Rather, I should say that this is a generation where dreams are hard to achieve? Even if they wish to stumble and do their best, but problems in reality would be blocking them immediately. The story exists in a setting like this, so I feel that I definitely need to let everyone have that sense of foreboding to it.

 Q: So that is to say, rather than searching for the truth between the layers of the story, you would rather focus on what is projected on the observers?

That’s right. I hope to create a situation where everyone would be able to accept it fully. At such times, one should let everyone enjoy a little “sadness”, as sadness is also a form of enjoyment too (laughs).

 Q: (Laughs) Hata-sensei, among the songs in the 2nd season, which songs touched you the most while you were writing them?

I guess it would be “WATER BLUE NEW WORLD”? I like the beginning parts. So it has the lines, “Ashita e no tochuu janaku / ima wa ima da ne” (“It's not halfway to tomorrow, now is now”). Basically it’s all towards the future, but there are no complex rhetorics to it at all.

  Q: The incomparable happy “today” that only exists for that very instant - for one to understand this perspective and to sing this line, is truly saddening.

And, although we are speaking of the future, but I feel that everyone wouldn’t be able to project their mind set for going ahead. I feel that, the girls probably don’t totally know how their future would turn up. Although they noticed lots, but they won’t know everything. The world is filled with unknowns. They might not know, but they also seem to understand lots of things - rather one can say that it is a paradoxical sadness then?

 Q: That is to say they have their own degree of self-awareness then? But for now, “this” is enough.

That’s right, that’s exactly it. As there aren’t many people who would be able to enjoy the present without being bound by the past. I feel that enjoying the present is a very wondrous thing, so I hope that everyone would try to enjoy it. As we all know, even if we truly wish to enjoy the present, we’ll be robbed of our feelings and vision by many various things. To express this point without complex jargon is difficult. Although adding the phrase “instant” would solve problems, I feel that they shouldn’t say that.

​

Q: I feel that, the 2nd season’s OP “Mirai no Bokura wa Shitteru yo”, the most defining line of the lyrics was, “Mirai o doushiyou kana!? (“What shall we do about the future?!”). Although the future can be freely chosen, but the end result isn’t always what one hopes for. But at this stage, everyone still believes everyone’s future is up to their choosing.

That’s right. Singing “What shall we do about the future!” would perhaps have that unbelievable feel of “perhaps we can truly force the change” I guess? “Having the sky and seas as comrades” would also make one think: “Really??” This could also be due to them being exposed to warmth from lots of people, perhaps their inner soul having being touched by a sense of enjoyment to being loved as well? I feel that, acceptance the truth that one is loved is something that is very difficult. If one is loved too strongly, one would always be a little suspicious, right? But I feel that for them, perhaps they won’t ask “why”, but would rather “be able to accept straightforwardly” the truth that one is being loved by everyone. So for “the sky and sea as comrades”, the meaning of that should be their own hometown, the place that they lived on as their comrades? Everyone really loves their hometown, this is what they call jimo ai (lit. “local love”)  (laughs).

 Q: With regards to “Awaken the power”, seeing the animation on Episode 9 of the TV anime I felt that, here comes a very incredible song, huh (laughs).

(Laughs) Ah, I really am very happy (about this). How do I put it, I have my own self-awareness on how narrow my views are, admitting it openly, will let one grow swiftly? However, process of noticing this point, I guess would be very painful? As one must let something that one had firmly believed in be wrecked after all. But that is only because one’s view is too narrow -- briefly looking around the surroundings and one would realize, previously one would feel saddened about wasn’t depressing at all. The moment one’s view is expanded, they’ll really want to try it out. You can also choose to retreat if one is afraid of being injured, so as long as you tightly hug the world you had previously, you’ll be able to be protected. But if one knows all this, but still has the realization to say, “wait a minute...”, I would really want to have a toast to that courage (laughs)!

 Q: (Laughs). The songs by Saint Snow are very low-toned with high BPM, in some sense the entire feel is the direct opposite of Aqours “sparking” feel. Are there any particular points of note while writing their lyrics then?

It’ll be “a battle with one’s heart inside” then, I guess? Their attitude towards dreams, the level of their self-awareness -- through these comparisons, they displayed a sense of gentle innocence that is different from Aqours.

 Q: For “DROPOUT?!”, the parts where Leah sings, the lyrics included, were especially great.

My goal was to show that: “Even if they were going to fall into despair, the soul would remain beautiful”. From the angle of my personal interest, I like this song very much as well. Suffering will let one grow up rapidly, so I also tried imagining in the direction where “Saint Snow” would need to go through many difficulties, this very harsh and serious route.

​

Looking at Aqours, I became aware that being innocent isn’t embarrassing.

Q: For the second wave of the subunit songs, I even felt that Hata-sensei was being too serious about it! (laughs)

Well~~ Looks like the fact that I love the subunits is exposed, huh (laugh). Should I say I like them? I should say that I’m given more freedom to express them?

 Q: CYaRon!’s “Kaigandoori de Matteru yo” is truly a masterpiece.

I especially like that song (laughs).

Q: The tune started off as a gentle stroll, but in the end nothing happened at all. That point itself was startling enough.

I thought about trying various things while writing songs about friendship, so I thought of how there I heard of a song from overseas that’s akin to a story by itself. That song would be like an image of youth. It would actually just be depicting something trivial, but everyone would have a strong and deep resonance of: “I can empathize with this feeling”. Although by itself is purely how one would not get along with friends, and was stubbornly walking down the streets by the seaside (laughs). But it carries a huge weight in one’s heart. It’s simply a small minor thing, but seemingly carries with it 80% of the world’s sadness with it.

 Q: For Guilty Kiss, firstly the title song “Kowareyasuki”—it’s a staple Guilty Kiss song.

A sense of having absolutely no confusion.

 Q: As for the coupling song, “Shadow gate to love”, I would like to ask directly, what exactly is “Shadow gate”? (Laughs)

(Laughs). I guess it’s… the self in one’s heart? … It’s like, “I might not let you turn back, all right? I would exist in one’s heart too.” Like that, although it does seem to be stirring it up a little. I considered two sides of things at this part. Although I do think that high school girls would say the phrase “musk” I guess (laughs), but I do want to let them say that.

 Q: Amongst the lyrics of the second wave of the sub-unit songs, the phrase binetsu (微热, lit. feverish) didn’t appear even once, right?

It’s something that I sealed away intentionally. I’m trying to see how long I can hold it in without using it -- while right now it’s getting hard for me to hold back (laughs).

Q: (Laughs). Speaking of this, I hope Hata-sensei could explain to us the charm of the phrase “微热/binetsu”.

 All right. So we are chatting how Aki Hata likes about the phrase binetsu, right? (laughs). This is something before passion, the state where passion first began to show itself. That very brief, mythical state, that is the passion that I like the most. It still exists at the stage of fantastical love, or it perhaps can be something very brief. And I guess it means a disguised innocent passion? One’s thoughts might be pitiful but beautiful, amongst them it would reveal a tangible strand of mystic to it. One would be slightly dizzy with that knowledge - it would be a feeling like this. In one’s life, perhaps this is the state of mind that I would love the most. A young girl’s love can be called “binetsu”, a girl’s thoughts is surely “binetsu”. Perhaps all girls could emotionally understand this state of “binetsu”? A mystery that only girls know, a secret that belongs to girls -- this would let people feel that it’s cute, right?

 Q: The way that AZALEA let one immerse in them comes out strongly as well.

Of course I do like all the subunits, but AZALEA would probably have the highest synchronization with my personal feelings? I feel that this subunit, is a manifestation of priestesses to something that I would like to express. I guess this change happened during the 1st Live? After seeing their performance, it is my personal opinion that, I can let them carry even more (on their shoulders), I could let them walk on the direction of passion x philosophy (laughs)**. **TL Note: Although uncertain, it could be a pun on “Tokimeki Bunruigaku” instead.

 Q: (Laughs) I feel the same, that is why “GALAXY HidE and SeeK” became a MVP-level title as well.

Thank you very much. I feel that AZALEA expresses the sense of “loneliness” very strongly. Or should I say that that they are able to match the sense of unrealism and loneliness very strongly? I guess it’s probably in the direction of “the me that no one else notices were discovered by you”. A secret held between you and me?

 Q: From now on, for 3rd Live Tour as well as the movie are waiting for Aqours. Do you have anything you wish to say to them?

For them who are on the stage, I guess I would like to say is probably, “Do show us more of what you got”? I purely hope to be able to continue watching on. Everyone have been working very hard, so I hope I can sing and play along with them more.

 Q: At this point to Hata-sensei, what is “Love Live! Sunshine!!” and what is “Aqours”?

I guess it’s something like “an innocence that’s on the verge of being forgotten”? Looking at Aqours, I became aware that being innocent isn’t embarrassing at all. Although right now, as an adult there are things you wish to conceal, but looking at them I do feel that, showing that side wouldn’t be wrong at all.

​

Aki Hata’s stories with books

If we’re counting data/information, my monthly intake would be huge. So if I really start sharing, one book wouldn’t be enough. But if it’s a recent one, then Leonardo’s Judas (レオナルドのユダ) by Mayumi Hattori (服部まゆみ) gets my shoujo heart thumping again.

[cantijustwish]

Phanfiction One- shot: Souls

I rolled over lazily in my bed, staring at my alarm clock. 10:30 a.m. I sat up and began to dress in what I thought would be depressing enough for society.

“It’s too early for this shit.” I mumbled.

“I agree.”

I quickly turned around to find an attractive man in a blue suit. His eyes were like glowing amber, warm and tempting. But I knew them very well.

“What do you want, Satan?” I asked, arms crossed.

He looked around the room, his gaze not bothering to reach my own. “I need a favor.”

My eyes narrowed. Last time I saw him I was sixteen, and it was to make a deal. He sat down on the bed and crossed his legs, refusing to look at me.

“I will give you your soul back as payment for agreeing to help me.” He stated firmly, finally looking at me.

“And if I refuse?” I asked.

“Then I will drive you mad, take away everyone you’ve ever loved, haunt you in your dreams, until you finally surrender to my lovely friend; Death.” He tilted his head and smiled at me, his blonde hair moving as he did so.

I bit my lower lip. He didn’t give me much of a choice. “Fine. I agree to help you.”

“Splendid!” He waved his hands as he stood up. “First, I’ll need your hands in mine to return the soul you so graciously sold.” He extended his hands, palms facing upwards. With a sickening feeling in my gut, I cautiously rested my hands into his. They were warm like last time, which didn’t help the awful feeling. As he began the ritual the sky got darker, and the room got colder. His hands got warmer the more he chanted, and a burning sensation filled my chest with pain. He quickly let go and I fell to the floor, sitting hard on my butt. The sky was back to normal, the room returned to warm, and the burning in my chest lessoned.

 My lungs were struggling to get air in because there was pressure pressing on them. My body felt heavier and I could feel my heart pounding faster than it should. 

 “Souls.” Satan said. “Heavy little burdens they are. Your balance will be off for a couple of hours, while your everything gets used to your soul being back. Along with your soul getting used to being in a body.” He offered his hand to help me up. “It will take a few days for your soul to find the weight and place.” He tugged me up to meet his gaze. “So you’ll feel random pain and pressure in various body parts. But don’t worry.” He winked. “It’s only temporary.”

And with that he disappeared, not even bothering to tell me what he needed me for. I shook my head and went to the kitchen, greeted by Phil, who was sitting on the counter, eating a bowl of cereal. We discussed what game we should play for our gaming channel, while I fried an egg.

“What are you thinking about?” Phil asked.

“Huh?” I looked at him.

 He furrowed his brows at me. “You’ve got your thinking face on.”

I shrugged, coming up with a white lie to tell him. “Just thinking of how we met.” I smiled at him, as I flipped the egg over. “It was so long ago, and now we’re best friends living together. It’s pretty mind blowing.”

Phil set his bowl down and grinned at me. “Right? We had a radio show, we wrote a book, and went on tour.”

If only I sold my soul to gain his love instead.

After breakfast Phil went into his room to work on a video while I took my regular position on the couch. Before I could open my laptop I felt a heavy pain in my head. Thinking it was a migraine, I rubbed the sides of my forehead, trying to loosen the tension. When they didn’t work I got up and found some tylenol, and took two pills with a full glass of water.

Two hours later I was on my bed in the dark. At this point I figured it was my soul figuring out where to be and how heavy it should be. I’d rather be soul less than have this go on for a couple of days. At least I have a chance of going to heaven now, which is an upside.

The next few days were full of me falling over and getting pains in every part of my body. Phil was tempted to call the ambulance when I fell down the stairs and had a bloody nose. I told him that I was fine and that it’ll pass. He kept fussing over it and told me to see a doctor. I explain to him that I’ve had this before and it was no big deal.

At the end of the day, when Phil went to bed, my old friend, Satan arrived. This time he was sitting next to me, dressed in a red suit. “You haven’t had any more balance issues recently?” He asked.

“No. But I got a bloody nose because my leg decided to cramp up while I was going down stairs.”

“Well, as long as you have your balance, we can talk.” He started, his amber eyes glowing, “You see, I had a friend who helped me in Hell. His name was Joel and I had him go undercover for me.”

“Undercover, where?” I queried.

“Heaven of course!” he smiled charmingly. “He’s a Fallen and I gave him wings. I just found out from my other spies that he’s been missing for a few decades. Which is why I haven’t heard from him in a long time. I’d like to find him.” He stood up and offered his gloved hand.

I stayed seated. “Why would you like to find him, and why do you need my help?”

He took his hand back and had a serious expression. “He’s very powerful, like me. We bonded.” He took off the glove on his left hand. “We were branded, see?”

He extended his left hand to show a feather looking birthmark.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” I blinked.

“I cannot find him in his human form. No one but a human can.” He looked at me.

I stared at him. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

He waved his hands in air in frustration. “Alright fine, I’m worried, and I can feel him in the area. You’re the only one that’s not afraid of me, regardless of the fact that I’m Satan, ruler of Hell! “ 

I could feel him lying but I laughed. “You? In love?” I snorted.

“Dan, this is serious.”

“You’re not that intimidating, Satan.” I wiped my eyes after pretending to laugh so hard. “Okay, so it’s not that serious, I just gotta find the guy with the same birthmark. How am I going to do that?”

He gritted his teeth. “You have to sleep with him.”

I blinked at him. “As in, have sex?”

“Yes. Otherwise you’ll never find the mark.”

“Where exactly is mark the at?” I hoped I wouldn’t have to see any of my friends’ dicks’ to determine who they are.

He sighed. “It’s on his left hip.”

Well, that beats fucking every guy I know. I reached out my hand for him to shake. “I’ll find him. How long do I have, and how will I contact you when I find him?”

Satan closed his hand, reopened it, to reveal a bracelet with a feather charm on it. “You have three months and five days. When you find him touch the feather charm and think of me.”

I accepted the bracelet and he vanished.

It was a long night, full of tossing and turning. I tried to recall if I’ve ever seen my friends’ hips. I only have about three people I consider friends. Phil, PJ, and Chris, were the only guy friends I’m decently close to. I’ve seen Phil naked many times during tour, so I ruled him out. I considered texting Chris in the morning to schedule a time to hang out, but I wouldn’t know how to get him to show his hips. And I can’t ask him ‘nudes’, because that’s just weird. PJ would be easier because he’s an open book. I could probably ask him right now if he had any birthmarks and he’d reply within the next twenty four hours. So I shot him a text asking just that.

When I woke up, which was around noon, I saw I got a reply from PJ.

‘Nope. Why?’

I lied.

‘Tumblr had this post about birthmarks being the place where you got stabbed and died.’

I took five minutes to gather my things so I could shower. I didn’t even bother to get dressed so I walked out into the hallway in my underwear. Phil’s door was opened, and he was sat on his bed with his laptop. I told him I was going to shower so avoid using the toilets and sinks. He nodded his understanding.

The warm water cascading over my body cleared my mind. I have three months to find this person. I already have two people down. But then again Satan said Joel was in my area. He didn’t give me much to go on. Perhaps I’ll summon him tonight to ask for details. I don’t get why people are so afraid of him. He’s not that scary. Yes, I believe his threats, yes, I know he’s powerful, but he’s okay. He know’s mankind’s desires and he wants to help them get it. No matter how twisted that desire is. But in order to interfere with fate, it requires a lot of energy. So in trade you give your soul. Which isn’t much since it doesn’t really interfere with your day to day life.

He was my friend at some point. He was the new kid across the street from my old home. We became friends and I told him about how much I really wanted to meet AmazingPhil from YouTube. I brought it up almost every time we hung out, which was everyday for a solid week. At the end of the week he asked if I’d be willing to give my soul up for such a chance. I told him ‘Hell yeah!’. And that’s the story of how I made a deal with the devil.

But in that week, he told me that he hated his job because he had to deal with stupid people in Hell. I just assumed he meant customer service, not actual Hell. He told me all about the pressure of being the manager, and how he really just wanted to relax with a friend of his who was working for another person. He also told me his worries of said friend because he hasn’t heard from him in a long time. I recall telling him that it’s just fine, but he said that he’s afraid that the friend has changed over the years.

Now I know who he’s talking about.

Once out of the shower I asked Phil if he wanted to get some lunch with me. He agreed and we were out of the apartment by one. We didn’t get back til four, we were so caught up in our conversation about whether or not we’d survive the zombie cow apocalypse the whole time.

“Ready to film some Dil?” Phil smirked.

You’d think after having a normal day with Phil, I’d be completely relax. Truth is, I’ve never been more on edge. I don’t know much about Demons and Angels, and the thought of living near one made me uncomfortable. I debated if I should tell Phil about my whole deal with the devil, but thought it was best to not involve him. I didn’t want to hurt him in this, I had no idea what the consequences would be if I didn’t find the guy in three months.

Soon three months turned into two and I was still having a rough time finding Joel. I already questioned Chris and he said he didn’t have any that he was aware of. I started to question other youtubers, all the one’s I’ve worked with, the ones who we did videos with. I was left with Tyler Oakley. He was going to be easy considering it’s Tyler.

The only thing was, he lived in America. If I jokingly sent a message ‘send nudes’, there is a chance I may get some, which I wasn’t to thrilled about. I pulled up twitter on my phone and messaged Tyler on the subject of birthmarks.

‘Hey, do you have any birthmarks?’

‘Why?’

‘Reasons.’

‘No. Is this for a video?’

‘Nope.’

‘...okay.’

And now he thinks I’m a freak. Oh well, my life is going to shit anyways. I tossed my phone on the bed and flopped down. I was out of people that I knew. Perhaps I should just sell my soul again and make it so that he can never do anything to hurt the people I love. At least they’d be safe.

“Dan.” Phil poked his head in my door way. “I’m going out to eat dinner with my brother and his wife. You going to be okay?”

This was something Phil always did before he left; make sure I’d be okay while he was gone. If I ever said no, he’d cancel or take me with. I took it as an opportunity to summon my dealer, so I told Phil that I’d be alright while he was gone.

“You sure? You’ve been acting strange the past few weeks.”

“Just some stuff.” I gave a small smile.

He opened the door more so I could see his body. “Is it… about us?”

I bit my lip. If only, I thought. “Phil, I’m fine, spend time with your brother.”

“Dan?” Phil furrowed his brows and we locked eyes. “I know I didn’t give you an answer, but that doesn’t-”

“Phil, can we drop it? I know what rejection looks like and feels like. I’m fine, I promise you, I just need some time alone.” I half lied, lowering my eyes to the ground.

He nodded and closed the door. I touched the charm and thought about Satan coming to say hi.

“Well, have you found Joel yet?” He said from behind me, making me jump.

Hands in the air, I loudly exclaimed. “Can’t you just appear within my vision like a regular person?”

He thought about it for a second, and shook his head. “Have you found Joel?”

“How can I, when you haven’t given me much to go on? You didn’t give me any physical traits, or something he likes to do, how can I find him that way?”

He sat on top of my desk. “One thing a Fallen can’t do is hide their eye color. He has green eyes, though I’ve seen him change them to a green yellow while he was undercover. Look for a person with green and yellow eyes.”

“Okay.” We stared at each other. “Anything else?”

“He likes animals.”

“Okay.” I waved my hands for more.

“Just go on those characteristics, and I’m sure you’ll find him by next month.” He stood and turned around, getting ready to leave.

“Why did he leave?” I blurted out.

He stopped and turned to face me. “Nothing can scare men like love. Lust is easy, lust doesn’t require much. But love, now that is something completely different. You have to be committed to it, you have to show it, say it, fuck like it. Even powerful beings fall victim to it, and it doesn’t end well.”

I had the feeling that he was telling the truth. “So he rejected you, and then decided to disappear?”

“Yes.” He looked down and shoved his hands in the pockets of his black suit pants.

“So why do you want to find him so badly if he left you?”

He sighed. “Dan, don’t you want to know the reasons why you were rejected by people?”

I nodded.

“That’s all I want. An explanation. Depending on his answer, I may or may not ruin how a country functions.” With that he left me alone.

After the clock turned ten I heard Phil open the door. I sat on my bed, thinking over what Satan said about wanting an explanation. Perhaps it was time to ask Phil as to why he doesn’t love me back.

I got up and saw that he door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open to see Phil in the middle of undressing. My gaze quickly averted to the floor, a slight warmth flushed my cheeks. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright. You can look at me Dan, I’m know you’ve seen more before.” He pulled up his emoji pants to his hips. “What do you want to talk about.?” He sat on his colorful bed and patted a spot next to it.

I sat down to the left of him, inspecting my hands. Finally I parted my lips to speak. “I just. Want to know why…. You don’t love me back?” I let out the air I was holding in my chest as my eyes watered. I wasn’t sure if I could do this. Any of it. But the need to know was there, it has been since the end of the tour. I just didn’t have the guts to ask until now, because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to find Joel in time.

Phil turned to face me, his legs criss-crossed. “Dan, it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I’m afraid to love you.”

I looked at him, confused.

“The phandom is so focused on us being together, I’m afraid that if we do tell them, they’ll go all crazy. And you know what happened a few years ago, after they almost ruined our friendship. We acted like we didn’t know each other, we rarely did videos together. I’m not sure if being together would be a good thing. Because there are still going to be weird people doing weird fanart and fanfiction. Those fans who think they know what’s going on in our lives, when they couldn’t be more wrong.” His eyes looked so defeated. “Dan. I don’t want our fan base to hurt what we have now, or in the future. I’m fine with just being friends, because I feel like that’s as good as it will ever get.”

“We can just forget about what they think, Phil? We can-”

“-Dan, I have tried, but it still bothers me. I’m not comfortable when the fan base does those things. Yes, I can ignore it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t annoy me.”

“We can just do it in secret. We don’t have to tell them, Phil.”

His blue eyes stared into my brown ones. They held uncertainty, pain, and hope. There was also another feeling in there. Longing.

He shook his head, his black hair swishing as he did so. “I don’t know if I could do it.”

“Why not?” I tried a small smile and placed my hands on his. I didn’t know how long I had with Phil, and I would love to be with him for the remainder of my life. No matter how short it was.

“I’ve never been with a guy before.” He sighed. “This isn’t the first time, Dan. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him that I liked him back,” He hung his head. “but I found you, and I’m so glad that I did because I feel more when I’m around you than I ever did with him.”

My eyes narrowed. “Who’s this him?”

He moved his hands away from mine and refused to look at me. “It was a long time ago. It doesn’t really matter anymore. I just don’t like hurting people.”

‘He has green eyes’, Satan told me. ‘ I’ve seen him change them to a green yellow.’

Phil’s eyes were mostly blue. But they had specks of green and yellow. “Stand up.”

Phil looked at me. “Why?”

“Just. Stand up. Please.” I commanded.

He stood up and my hand went to his left hip. I gently pulled down the side with my pointer finger. I saw a purple feather like mark on his pale skin. I let the fabric go back to place as I stood up to face Phil.

“You’re a Fallen. At least, that’s what Satan calls you.” I straightened my jawline. After all this time, the man he was looking for was a couple of yards away from me.

“Dan, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t need to lie, Phil.” My expression hardened. “You and Satan were once like us, but when we confessed our love to you, you left, or didn’t say anything. Now he’s looking for you, and the only thing stopping him from showing up, is me.” I held out my right wrist with the charm bracelet.

“Wha-why, would you have that? How do you know Satan?” His eyes bore into my skull.

Hesitation caught me in the throat. “I… made a deal with him, years ago.”

“As did I.” His eyes didn’t leave mine. “Dan, I left him because I didn’t want to be his spy anymore. I risked so much for him, only to have him tell me I wasn’t doing as well as the others.” He voice began to rise. “He used me, he took my blood, he gave me my wings after I promised him my soul. I had to fight to get out of there, I thought I was doing just fine, playing a human being.” His gaze turned into a glare. “But I guess not.”

“Phil.”

“What? What are you going to say, huh? Do you know how much pain he put me through, Dan? Do you?”

“Phil.”

“After I came back the first time to report, he pulled out my feathers because it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. The second time, he chained them down for years, until I begged him in my blood. The third time, he cut them off, putting me in pain I didn’t even know existed. Dan, I’ve been alive for hundreds of years, I saw mankind get hit with plagues, natural disasters, hell, I’ve witness rape and abuse countless times! I was casted out for speaking my mind on how we treat humankind, I was left to roam this earth with my wings visible. I had to hide, I had to insulate myself. Because if I didn’t I was going to get hunted. And I was, I was hunted til they finally cut me apart, they took my feathers, my wings, they took my skin. It was in my dying moments that I begged for another chance.” He switch his gaze to everything but me. “I was hoping to avoid him for one lifetime, just one lifetime, Dan. I was going to meet him again anyways, because he still has my soul.” He looked at me, betrayal masking his beautiful blue eyes.

“Phil.” I tried again.

“What? What is it, Dan?!” He demanded, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

His mouth opened slightly, shock written all over his facial features.

“I was unaware that I was becoming like him. I don’t want to betray you, but I don’t know what he’ll do if I don’t tell him. I’m just human.” My body shook, fear grasping my heart.

Phil pulled me into a hug. “I know. But humans are better than my kind.”

After Phil explained the basics of how angels and demons work, we set out a plan. A plan which required him to carve certain markings into my back. I passed out a few times from the pain, but the ritual calls for no pauses, or even screams. So it was a good thing my body was weak because I was close to breaking those rules.

Once done, Phil bandaged me up, and gave me two days to heal. On day three I summoned Satan.

“You better have good news, because I’m sick of being called for nothing.” He appeared to the left of me.

“And what would you do if it wasn’t good news?” Phil walked in, and leaned on the door frame.

Satan inspected Phil, “My, my.” He looked at me and then back to Phil. “You certainly went over the top on your disguise. No wonder I couldn’t find you.”

“I know how to blend in.”

He walked over to face Phil. “Took a stillborn and gave its body life.” He whistled.

“I did what you wanted.” I spat at Satan. “What are you going to do to him?”

“That is none of your business, but I will make sure you get a good place in my kingdom.” He smiled coldly at Phil.

He grabbed Phil by the shirt collar but before he could vanish, I shouted, “Wait!”

Satan turned to glare at me, his once warm eyes, were cold with malice.

“I want to make another deal. My soul for Phil’s.”

“Dan, you can’t do-” But Phil was cut off by Satan’s hand in the air.

“Are you sure you want to give up your soul, again?” He let go of Phil and began his walk towards me. “You can offer it for much more than a petty soul.” He leered.

“Mine for his.” I stated firmly.

He snapped his fingers and Phil slid down hard on to his butt. “Done.” He thrusted his hands out, palms up. “Now time for yours.” He smiled cruelly. 

I prayed to whoever was out there that the markings would work. I gave in and rested my hands on his warm ones. He began chanting, his voice getting louder and louder, shaking the whole apartment.

Only to dissipate himself back to Hell.

I sat down hard, the sudden pain knocking the breath out of me. Phil rushed to me and held me while the pain subsided.

“So. Did it work?” I shakily asked.

He held me closer, his breath on my neck. “Yes. He won’t bother us til death now.”

I closed my eyes, feeling safe in his arms.

After I was fully healed, we began dating. We decided to keep it secret because Phil really was afraid of what the fan base could do. But we left little hints in all of our videos together. Perhaps, we’ll announce it when we’re done with YouTube. Perhaps we never will and just keep it between us, letting the world decide. Perhaps, it was better that way.

[jestbee]

Can I also send a One Word Prompt thing? :D I'd love your take on 'empty'. Thanks, Jane. You're the best.

So I had this idea and I don’t know where it came from, it just crept up on me when I read your prompt and kind of made me a bit sad. It probably should have been written a year ago but... here you go.

Continues under the cut.

Tags: fluff, sad fluff, i guess, but like good sad?, tatinof, dan being all introspective, phil being the worst motivational speaker everWords: 1078

There wasn’t an echo. If he shouted loud enough, projected past the first row, there might have been, but his energy was sapped, he folded like a marionette with cut strings. His feet dangled over the edge, swinging over the orchestra pit. He wouldn’t fall, he wasn’t in any danger of falling, but he felt slightly unstable any way. 

The footsteps shuffling in behind him were familiar, and he didn’t need to turn to know who they belonged to. 

“Hi Phil.” 

He folded himself in next to Dan, his own long legs coming over the side of the stage, feet momentarily blocking the spotlight shining up at him. It was a nice contrast, a bit of the darkness. 

“Strange when it’s all cleared out, huh?” Phil observed, staring out at the empty seats, rows and rows of them, like taunting faces. 

“In all the time we’ve been here it’s been empty,” Dan corrected, “this morning, and this afternoon, during sound check and rehearsal. In fact, it’s been empty more than it’s been full save a few hours this evening--” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I do.” Dan agreed, “I just mean... it’s funny how quickly you get used to it.” 

“It not being empty?” 

“Exactly.” 

Phil hummed next to him, leaning back so his palms were flat on the boards, wrists bent, taking the weight. “You get all cryptic and deep when you’re tired.” 

Dan shrugged. He was tired, yes, but there was also something about the old theatre, the knowledge of what had passed through this space before them, what would continue to pass after them, that was making him introspective. 

“This is the last one,” he murmured by way of explanation. He didn’t need to elaborate, trusting Phil to understand the jist of what he was saying without needing to find the energy for more words. 

“The last one of this tour,” Phil said, “But...” 

Dan sighed. He didn’t want to hear anything about Europe, or Australia, or any of the other places. That hadn’t been what he’d meant at all. 

“There will be more after this,” Phil continued, “after all of this.” 

“Will there?” 

Phil sat forward again, bringing his face level where Dan was hunched over, his gaze falling into the depths of the floor below, watching the light glint off the piano keys. 

“There will always be something more,” Phil nodded.

“What if there isn’t?” Dan asked, finally voicing the thing that’d been playing in his mind on a loop, “What if this is it? What if this is all we accomplish?” 

“Then it will have been a lot of fun.” 

Dan groaned, it made its way out and turned into a shotgun-sharp laugh on the way. There was a slight echo then, up near the chandelier. 

“How do you stay so upbeat?” 

He shrugged, in that careless, free way he had that drove Dan up the wall when he was trying to be morose. 

“I just figure that we’ve done some really great stuff over the years, and we got to do it together.” He grinned, his cheeks filling and eyes sparking like they always did, in that infectious way Dan tried to avoid but rarely could. “If that’s all I get, if this is really it then yeah... I’ll think it was fun. But Dan... this isn’t it.” 

“But how can you be so sure?” Dan wanted the firm promise of something, an idea, a grand plan to hang his hat on. He wanted to trust that they’d have more to wait for, more to wish for, more dreams to come true. 

“Right.” Phil swung round then, lifting his legs from that endless drop and crossing them in front of him ankle under knee, like a child waiting patiently. He wasn’t waiting, he was charging forward. “Say this is the last stage we set foot on.”

Dan opened his mouth to protest, but Phil held up a hand, cautionary, stalling. Dan was the one to wait then. He didn’t cross his legs, he left them where they were, swinging miles above the instruments. 

“Say it is,” Phil continued. “Say we never do anything else, our YouTube channels die, everyone loses interest and no one stops us in the street, no one asks for an autograph or a selfie and people forget we ever existed except in some distant memory when they’re digging our dusty book out of a box in a few years time.” 

“Is this supposed to be motivational?” Dan asks slyly, “Because you really suck at it if it is.” 

“If all of that happens,” Phil strode on, ignoring Dan’s petty interruptions and seeing them for what they were, the mere bolstering of someone scared that all of that was to pass. “I’ll still know you existed, and you’ll still know I existed. All this will still have happened, we’ll still have done it together. We’ll be in our flat, or a house, and it’ll be us, or us and a dog, or us and-- nevermind. We’ll be there. And the book won’t be dusty, it’ll be on the shelf with the pictures and the rest of the things we’ve made happen. Even if this is the last stage we ever stand on, it isn’t the last thing we’ll ever do together.” 

Dan’s mouth wanted to make words, he knew they were in there somewhere, he just couldn’t form them around the pressure in his throat, squeezing upward. His eyes stung. He shut them, just to be safe. 

“So yeah,” Phil finished, “It’ll have been fun.”

Dan blinked his eyes open then. He didn’t dare look over at Phil, not when he was trying to be gloomy and depressing, not when Phil was making it so difficult for him to stay that way. 

The empty seats blurred together. There was moisture on his face, and he batted it away. Leaning, without looking, into Phil’s waiting shoulder. They didn’t hug, because it felt too much like an apology, or commiseration. They leaned, it was brief. It was enough. 

The room was still empty, still a vast open space in all actuality but Dan felt it close in until it was just them. Just them and their little patch of stage. The small bit they’ve been granted in this huge great world. The bit they made their own. He’d take it, even if it was all they ever got. 

“It’ll have been the most fun I’ve ever had,” Dan said finally.

[chloe-elizabeth-price]

1-40 (take that)

A lot of questions as per usual, thanks for always being curious and cute @annoyinglyuniquebread!

I’ll put these under a cut as well as trigger warn you guys for mentions of mental illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms and abuse. 

Anyone who wants to, feel free to read what basically feels like my life story lol 

Here we goooo

1: Talk aboutthe first time you watched your favorite movie.

This question as well as numbers  11, 24, 28 and 38 where answered here and here

2: Talk aboutyour first kiss.

I was 7 and kissed a boy in my class behind the bushes at recess in a display of young  compulsory heterosexuality. He dumped me at a classmate’s birthday party a week later and I never looked at boys again lol

3: Talk aboutthe person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

This girl I met in my freshman year of college and fell hard and fast for. She clearly didn’t feel the same for me and very unceremoniously dumped me without much of an explanation, it sucked!  

4: Talk aboutthe thing you regret most so far.

That I didn’t break contact with my biological father much earlier than I did, his presence in my life made me feel like shit for way longer than I deserved and now that he’s out of my life I feel a lot better!

5: Talk aboutthe best birthday you’ve had.

l’m not actually much of a fan of birthdays and much prefer Christmas, never really liked the idea of growing up…But I guess my tenth birthday was cool. It was nice  to turn a two digit number for the first time and the pajama party I had that year was pretty sweet!

6: Talk aboutthe worst birthday you’ve had.

Well my fourth birthday sucked, it was my first birthday after my parents got divorced and I was worried my dad wouldn’t show up for the party and well…He didn’t……………….Yeah that sucked!

7: Talk aboutyour biggest insecurity.

I have many, many insecurities of different natures and can honestly not really narrow it down to one big one.

8: Talk aboutthe thing you are most proud of.

I’m proud of unapologetically being who I am despite breaking norms and societal expectations in more ways than one; as well as for standing up for others like me!

9: Talk aboutlittle things on your body that you like the most.

I like my eyes, they’re a nice shade of blue

10: Talk aboutthe biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Physical? Because I’ve never really been in a physical fight and I can’t really think of a huge verbal one either right now. Of course I’ve gotten into some arguments with my parents and stuff growing up, nothing major that I can remember though.

12: Talk aboutthe worst dream you’ve ever had.

 I rarely remember my dreams, but since I started taking sleeping pills I’ve had some really vivid and scary ones, nothing I feel like reliving by sharing though.

13: Talk aboutthe first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Yeah, nope, not happening, too demi and reserved to share that one with the internet, sorry!

14: Talk abouta vacation.

The best vacation I’ve ever been on was the one I got from my parents as a graduation gift. They accompanied me to Amsterdam (which is a beautiful, beautiful city) to see Taylor Swift live on the 1989 World Tour! It was one of the best trips/concerts of my life and I really look forward to seeing Tay again in 180 days! 

15: Talk aboutthe time you were most content in life.

Probably in my last year of middle school, when I was like 15. It was the last year before I developed mental illness and fell into this dark, dark hole…Wow, that sounds depressing af! Sorry for being such a bummer!

16: Talk aboutthe best party you’ve ever been to.

I don’t really do parties, I prefer to hang out with my friends casually and just play video games and cook/have dinner together or whatever. We’ve had many awesome hangouts like these over the years and I can’t really pick a specific one as the best one!

17: Talk aboutsomeone you want to be friends with.

I’d love to be friends with Carrie Fisher, we’d get along famously and she seems like the kind of person you could just talk to you know? Carrie, if you can hear me up in heaven, please consider being my friend and save me a cloud to sit on next to you, cool?

18: Talk aboutsomething that happened in elementary school.

I got dumped at that birthday party, lol…No but really I don’t remember much of elementary school, except that one time a bitch stole my tamagotchi, that wasn’t cool Sally, so not cool!

19: Talk aboutsomething that happened in middle school.

My teacher surprised me by sneaking me into another school’s library so that I could join this class of strangers in meeting one of my favorite authors at the time and get my books signed as well as give her a book i’d written and exchange email addresses with her. We still emailed occasionally years later, it was dope!!

20: Talk aboutsomething that happened in high school.

I came out of the closet, that was pretty damn dope too!

21: Talk abouta time you had to turn someone down.

During my freshman year of college (wow, a lot sure did happen that year, huh?) this guy in my class basically started stalking me and obsess over me despite me repeatedly telling him I’m gay and wasn’t interested. It got pretty badly out of hand and it ended with the school suspending him after me having complained to the student council after he failed to recognize my rejections for what they were, FUCKING REJECTIONS!!! 

22: Talk aboutyour worst fear.

i’m TERRIFIED of failure in any and all forms! Don’t wanna talk about it though, it’ll probably trigger unnecessary anxiety…

23: Talk abouta time someone turned you down.

I’m too shy to ask people out so I have never really been turned down in that sense, have been dumped tho, that’s………..unfun!

25: Talk aboutan ex-best friend.

During elementary and middle school I was best friends with this guy i’d known since kindergarten, we drifted apart since we went to different high schools and haven’t really hung out since sophomore year which is too bad really because we were like siblings at one point and I’d like to have that back someday.

26: Talk aboutthings you do when you’re sick.

I try to drink a lot of tea and stay as comfortable as possible while watching something that makes me happy and distracts me from feeling badly. Like Buffy, Brooklyn 99 or F.r.i.e.n.d.s

27: Talk aboutyour favorite part of someone else’s body.

My dog’s tail is fluffy and adorable just like the rest of her! :)

29: Talk aboutwhat turns you on.

I feel like I’ve talked about this before, but open-minded people who aren’t afraid of having frank, honest conversations in which the express their opinions. Girls are beautiful and physically most parts of girls’ bodies honestly turn me on buuuut again, too awkward for this discussion on the net.

30: Talk aboutwhat turns you off.

Close-minded and bigoted people disgust me!

31: Talk aboutwhat you think death is like.

I’m not really sure, but a quote from John Green’s Looking For Alaska comes to mind: “Thomas Edison’s last words were “It’s very beautiful over there”. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”

32: Talk abouta place you remember from your childhood.

When I was younger my grandparents lived in this big, yellow house in the countryside and I remember it as this bright, warm and very positive place! It was surrounded by  a large, dark forest that my grandma used to call The Forest of Fairy Tales” and in their huge garden they had an abundance of sweet berries and I had a legit fort my grandpa had built for me at the edge of the forest. I really miss that place, almost as much as I miss my grandma!

33: Talk aboutwhat you do when you are sad.

Pretty much the same thing I do when I’m sick, I try to drink gallons of tea, stay comfy and watch something lighthearted and uplifting. Listening to Taylor Swift also helps me a lot if I feel down. The sound of her voice makes me feel at home and reminds me that things are gonna be okay, ya feel?

34: Talk aboutthe worst physical pain you’ve endured.

As a kid with cerebral palsy I pretty much grew up in hospitals and was subject to a lot of pretty painful stuff before I even turned ten, as a result my pain threshold is very high. Despite this I can’t really say breaking my wrist in a biking accident at about nine didn’t suck.

35: Talk aboutthings you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could stop clinging to some of the more unhealthy coping mechanisms I have when it comes to my mental illness…Like I wish I’d stop starving myself and make myself sleep deprived on purpose and stuff…That’s not really healthy and I wish I didn’t cling to these things and instead could find healthier ways to deal with bad mental health situations. I’m working on this though!

36: Talk aboutyour guilty pleasures.

I don’t believe in guilt associated with interests of any kind. If I like something I like it, plain and simple!

37: Talk aboutsomeone you thought you were in love with.

This boy that sat next to me in my eighth grade math class, he was super nice and we were friends. Secretly though I was like OBSESSED with him, it was actually kinda cute. Sadly for 14 year old me I was too shy to ask him out though, which was just as well since it was clearly compulsory again and I was really crushing super hard on the cool punk girl in my social studies class who I just thought i really, really, REALLY wanted to be friends with at the time…I was too shy to talk to her too though sooo

39: Talk aboutthings you wish you’d known earlier.

That it’s okay to be both disabled and queer, the belief that you couldn’t caused me to stay in the closet (even to myself) for far longer than I needed to. you’re not “too much” just because you happen to be part of several minority groups, never forget that, kids!

40: Talk aboutthe end of something in your life.

When I was 13 I finally broke contact with my biological father and that was the end of a cycle of mental and psychological abuse. It was one of the best decision I’ve ever made and the most cathartic ending to any period  in my life so far. 

Thanks for all those questions, Bellz and sorry it took some time for me to answer them, I’ve had a busy week!

[yumesekai]

I’m not sad, just introverted

I was a shy kid. I remember when I was about six years old, almost seven, during summer I really wanted to have some ice cream. My mother gave me the money and told me to buy it myself because she did not want to get up and interrupt her sunbath. I didn’t have the courage to do it. Not because I was scared of the man selling ice cream but for me it was enough him being a stranger. A complete dilemma. I was crying about it for so long until my mother was annoyed and got one of my elder cousins to go get that stupid ice cream for me.

Playing with other kids at the playground? Couldn’t imagine it. I rather went on a discovery tour by myself. Leaving aside the fact that I was too much of a scaredy-cat to climb that high climbing contraption and too weak for the monkey bars. I wasn’t really talkative, especially not with men. Although my grades in school were always pretty good I never participated in class since that required me to talk. I never wanted to read aloud and not to mention going up to the blackboard. I liked sitting in my room at home listening to my favourite music while drawing or writing. Let’s put it like this: There were more courageous and more sociable kids out there than me.

Until this day small talk is my biggest weakness - especially at events where people wear nice suits and pretty dresses. I just never know what to say. And even worse, I don’t even know what to ask. My brain just shuts down. It’s like when you’re in the middle of an exam and get a complete blackout. Nothing works anymore then. The more social pressure I get the more awkward I become.

For a long time I’ve been asking myself what’s wrong with me. Talking to strangers, getting invited to parties where “you’re going to meet amazing new people, you don’t know them but it’ll be great”, answering the phone or riding the elevator with your boss. I often felt like I didn’t fit in, felt different and stupid because of my lack of human interaction. I don’t even hate people at all. And when I say stuff like “I’m not that good with strangers” to decline a party invitation where I only know the host, most people would tell me “Huh? Come on, don’t be such a party pooper”. That is when I am fighting with my inner self and other people’s expectations.

Thanks to the Internet, one day I found a random link on a social media website that led me to an article saying what you can do to help an introverted person and how you can identify them. I have to admit I’ve been quite stupid for not having thought about these kind of things before but it was then when I finally understood I was not alone with this. I’m not weird or sad or depressed, I’m just introverted. It was such a relief.

I function really well at social events when I’m (mentally) prepared, when I go to job interviews, when I’m on stage giving a speech, when I’m really passionate about a topic - or when I’m drunk. Most (extroverted) people don’t understand why introverts are the way they are. Which I cannot say is their fault - it’s not like I understand myself completely either. I always thought I was just shy or disinterested. But I did feel like I wasn’t really part of society due to my introversion. Because I always had to explain myself but didn’t know how. The result of that was that people have always called me cold, unemotional, boring - which wasn’t at all what has been going on in my head and in my heart.

Extroverts often don’t show understanding for my reluctance because they themselves enjoy being around people, trying out new things, feeling life. If I go against an event or a too spontaneous activity they think I’m also going against them and things that genuinely make them happy. They take it personally or think that I’m sad, depressed or worse: uninterested and don’t care about them. I have to explain myself over and over again.

Being intro-, extroverted or anything in between is not a decision we make or something we want. They are hard facts. To which of these extremes you are prone to also depends on how you are raised and which society you grow up in (if you look at Japan for example, being introverted and holding back is actually considered the norm), but with most of it you are actually born and it’s going to stay like that most of your life even if you get better at certain parts. Many people out there are introverted without us even knowing. In today’s society it’s more of a disadvantage and I understand why. If I was able to switch it up I probably would have done it a while ago.

“The ideal human being of our time is sociable, venturesome, a good leader. They work well in a team, like being around people, have good connections. Is there a moment of silence in between all of that they are going to use the chance to be on Twitter. The main point is that they’re not going to be alone.”

Studies have been saying that introverts aren’t that good at sociable jobs like being a salesperson where they have to talk to strangers on a daily. Also they’re not that good at dating. Because if you want to meet someone you have to talk to a stranger as well. Be completely easy-going and natural. I often make jokes about it because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy but it’s true: I often drink a shot before I go on a date to loosen up. By the way, I prefer to date extroverts because then I have to talk less myself and our interactions in general work much better.

In fact most of my friends are extroverts! They pull me out of my negative thoughts in the right moments, they motivate me to be more spontaneous and try out new things that are challenging for me at first but I end up having so much fun with. They talk when I’m silent. They help me overcome my fears. I learn from them. I admire them for their forthrightness - and also for their patience with me.

I need a lot of time to gain new energy. It’s tiring to spend a complete weekend with friends, go have breakfast with them, then walk through the city window shopping, then eat a pizza, then go to a museum, then meet with another friend to go have a glass of wine at their place, then go to a concert and then maybe to another party afterwards. It gives me anxiety just thinking about doing so many things at once without a proper plan.

Studies have also shown a higher brain activity with introverts - no matter if they’re working, jogging or just hanging out at home. This means their time alone is like a protection from all the stimuli they get from the outside world, which on the contrary is probably like ecstasy to extroverts. The brain of an introvert feels too overwhelmed in situations like that and then needs a break from everything and everyone. It’s kind of similar to getting drunk - the day after you need a laid-back day in bed with a lot of water and something yummy to eat.

But all of those are things people are going to love you for. At least my friends do. They like it that I only speak up when I really have something to say. That I’m good at listening and giving advice. That I’m emphatic and very loyal. That I have a big heart. That I love them even when I don’t speak to them in days and don’t always reply to their messages instantly.

I think it’s very important to learn how to not be around people and still feel completely fine. To have those days when you lie in bed by yourself and aren’t sad but actually feel content about it because to be honest: that’s something I really like doing from time to time. I’m not scared to miss out on something out there. I don’t pity myself anymore. I also don’t think I don’t deserve to be loved. My friends are there for me and if I want to see them I’m going to ask them about it. Easy.

That my social skills aren’t the greatest and that I really suck at small talk, I hope I will be forgiven for these things by people who are extroverts. And if we all try to have compassion for one another a little bit harder, all of us could use our energy in better ways. Every person is different and unique in their own way - and introverts are just uniquely different. 

I hope this was a good insight on the topic of introversion, why it leads to misconceptions, how I personally deal with it and why everyone can learn from one another. ♡