#it would hurt my feelings less
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feels like absolute shit when itās so clear the person you were excitedly telling stuff to was not paying attention at all and couldnāt care less
#i love my mom but i wish she would just tell me she doesnāt wanna hear about stuff lol#it would hurt my feelings less#has happened a lot lately but TWICE today š i am going to end it all#i need more irl friends so bad#personal#to be deleted
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Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole itās electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#donāt you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that youāre just having fun#but iām making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#āhousehold nameā firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now itās just this.#i keep forgetting#and then iām here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but itās so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Ummā¦ Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and iām done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#iām not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
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I know that animation in big blockbuster films is like not ever supposed to look good anymore and whatever, like it's almost intentionally bad, but from an artistic standpoint, can you imagine how hard it would have slayed if they made the minecraft movie purely with pixel animation?
#i mean the whole deal w games like minecraft is that they show how something doesn't need to be High Res#Ultra Rendered to be good.... and it would be so crazy to do that swerve but w an animated film#a super duper mainstream one no less#i realize they would never do this but can you imagine how beautiful it would be LMAO#it would need to be more detailed than barebones minecraft obviously but pixel art is just so gorgeous and then#the blockiness would feel natural in the environment of the movie#don't worry about me i just came off of a full day of drawing and I am delirious (and my wrist hurts)#this commission is tearing my pussy apart and i start thinking abt stuff like the minecraft movie as i go fully insane#sergle.txt
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-š
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical āboyā clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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cursed to be perpetually aware of
"transmisogyny targets trans women -> it also hurts trans men -> anti trans panic also hurts cis women"
"the US and Israel are commiting genocide in Gaza -> the genocide is also hurting Palestinian Christians and white tourists -> this war money could be better spent domestically"
"anti homeless architecture makes it illegal to live without a house -> it also hurts disabled people -> ableist structures also hurt abled people"
it's weird because with some of these there are genuine points to be made and it's worth discussing the full consequences of things but I can't help but be aware of the human-value-hierarchy implicit in these statements and how attention is always brought away from those who suffer most from their own oppression. it's not really surprising and it's 100% the system working as intended but you really start to see it everywhere once you look
#some of these are obviously less valid than others#the white tourist thing is much more absurd than pointing out anyi homeless architecture qlso hurts disabled people#especially sinxe q lot of homeless are disabled#but the point is they lie on a spectrum of increasingly drawing attention away from those most marginalized#intersectionality#transmisogyny#Marxism#ableism#anti homeless architecture#also im notably lacking in experience with racism (as i am white) so my representation of that specific distortion is necessarily going to#be lacking in as nuqnced an understanding as someone with first-hand experience would have#its far too important to lrave out entirely though#feel free to add more detailed experiences#goes for any one of these examples really
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the pressure fandom right now
#pressure#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#pressure game#pressure sebastian#sebastian pressure#sebastian solace#sebastian roblox#Like bro I have never felt this much āpressureāš¤Ŗ with fandom drama before like#like holy hell#I just feel mixed feelings about this entire situation#Like one second I see someone talking shit about the dev team and the fandom while trying to Spread a false Narrative#About zerum and then I see someone defending the dev team and the fandom#Or seeing people deconstruct this entire Situation and just boil it done to people being childish about someone else's character and#Boundaries or I'm seeing horror stories about zerum and zeal and other dev members getting doxxed and harassed#And then I'm seeing people getting pissy about the whole thing because of shipping drama or I'm seeing people calling zeal out for#ableism or something else entirely#Like I get where people are coming from with this#This isn't the only time people got mad at a character for put boundaries on their character#And I know it would be the last time unfortunately#I'm not trying to defend zeal or zerum nor am I trying to get people to hurt them#I just feel awful about this whole thing and it's just a reminder to stick to smaller fandoms where people are less vocal ig#ok i'm done yapping#Selfshippers live your best life#And I hope the rest of the dev team recovers from this and try to learn how to be more Professional#Once again#I'm not trying to defend anyone I'm just confused and scared of this whole thing#I just wanted to make silly crossover art with sebastian and not have the fear of someone coming into my inbox or dms with my full name#For once :(#thank you for coming to my semi vent ted talk about the current pressure fandom issue
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting āgood guysā be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his āangelic stateā would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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The way fans on the st sub are almost all in agreement Nancy ending up with neither Jon nor Steve wouldnāt be the worst thing in the world, and how they can even come up with a sleuth of reasons as to why, honestly pretty valid and fair reasons, but then are absolutely gobsmacked when fans merely speculate something along those lines for El is, quite something.
#el hopper#byler#platonic elmike#stranger things#this is coming from someone who ADORED mileven in s1-2#I literally skipped all of s2 in my rewatch before s3 aired bc I just wanted to see their reunion#then s3 happened#and I was confused at#A LOT of ppl are#and anyone coming to voice that confusion is ran off Reddit like theyāre committing a crime#like would it hurt yāall to have some of the same common sense you have for el like you do with Nancy#??#I am more jancy leaning but also I just feel like itās certain stancy aināt happening#but Iām also not totally against Nancy wanting to be on her own for a while#maybe theyād imply jancy Will find their way back to each other#maybe theyāre teamed up in s5 and wait until the very end to cement that certainty for each other#but I would not hate their stories if Nancy and Jon decided to live their own lives#FOR THEMSELVES#Nancy doing what she wants and loves#Jonathan doing what he wants instead of just doing stuff that helps people around him#and Iām not going to even get into the reasons why el and mike would benefit from living for themselves outside of their relationship#the attachment to the ship is stronger than any sort of attachment to the character#and when the things keeping them together are not strong to begin withā¦#that attachment is doomed and hard to watch and enjoy like idgi at all#also; all the pro-ronance comments on there getting like 30+ likes??#go ronance I guess??!??#idk if itās because they think byler actually has a serious possibility while ronance has less build up#so they can sort of play with that idea without actually having to take it seriouslyā¦#at least ronance has a positive audience on there#a win is a win I guess šš«”
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Tempted to put this as my banner
#ive done angst for a long time and had read many interesting comments and reblogs#this one just got shot up to my absolute fav#idk why this is just too funny for me djdjdjdjdjdjsjsjskkdjdjsjsjsjsjsjdjdjsjs#bcuz ive been away from twt for so long the comments there are from fresh babies#who doesnāt know i did angst for 4 months straight (they were all MCD related too)#babies#gomz snickered mockingly#some gets rude but i got used to it#angst art makes my heart feel less heavier#reading rbs makes it more lifting too#to that one person who said they would take the stars knowing it hurts just to feel again cāhere bud lemme give u a hug#we all need a hug dont we#gummmyspeaks#i might change my banner tomorrow PFT
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Augh wait, completely non Canon but I just had an idea for like, if the cats were actually kids
_-_-_-_-_-_
'I have an important message for you'
The message is followed by a three minute audio.
Finally, after hours of scrubbing through months and months of massages between Sapnap and his old family, they finally found something about his mission to infiltrate Team Mafia.
(Shadoune swears Sapnap wasn't on his phone this much. How did he find the time to text these two so much? How many times do you need to text someone a reminder to eat in one day??)
The phone is already connected to a speaker so they can all hear everything without having to circle around it, so there's only hesitante stopping them from pressing play.
This is what Sapnap was sent here to do. This spells out exactly the ways he was ordered to betray them.
Shadoune presses play.
"Hi Dad! Hiiiiiiiii" Two children voices come from the speaker, "We miss you lotssss!! I got the tiara you sent me! Me and Patches are matching now, we look like sisters!"
"Of course we do, we are sisters stupid."
Another child's voice sounds out, a little father away and a little deeper
One of the first two kids giggles, and there's a shuffle before the other's voice sounds again
"When are you coming back home? Pops and Papa say we should take down the Christmas decorations, but I like them!! Milo don't steal the phone! I'm asking Dad when he's coming home! Oh yeah... Dad we miss you a lot, will you be done with work soon?"
"You two..."
There's two tiny sad sighs
"We know... Be careful Dad, we love you lots! You need to tell us all the cool work stories when you get home! Yeah, we need like, 5 whole bed time stories when you come back! Love you bye! Byeeeeeeeee-"
The audio ends. There's pure silence in the room, a variation of shell-shocked faces all around. Serpias looks a little teary, and no one is quick enough to grab him before he rushes off, thankfully up to his room instead of to the basement.
"Creo..." Rich starts awkwardly, "Creo que eso es suficiente por hoy."
_-_-_-_-_-_-_
Honestly Serpias would probably run straight to Sapnap, but if anyone ever brought up his kids while he was in the basement he would murder them with his bare hands and I didnt know how to write that right now so... Serpias! To your room!
Serpias beloved š„ŗ
He just wants the best for Sapnap always and forever....
Serpias after going through every crisis and still not thinking straight, he makes a quick pitstop, shoving something in his pocket before going down to the basement in the dead of night.
Sapnap is actually awake with Dream this time. And when they see Serpias enter... Eyes bloodshot, sniffling, overall looking terrible.....well. Sapnap is beyond worried. He grabs Dream's arms tightly. He doesn't know what Serpias is gonna say.
"Lo siento."
It's quiet. Could barely hear it over his sniffling.
Sapnap thinks they're going to die.
Dream asks what's wrong. Tone dangerously grave.
"You....have children..."
Dream will tense. But Sapnap will be on his feet. Hands already gripping Serpias' shirt collar and slamming him against the door
"What happened with them?"
Serpias has never heard Sapnap so serious, so frightening. It's actually the first time he's heard Sapnap speak on his own without Dream.
Sapnap will scream in Serpias' face asking what happened. Threatening to make his death and everyone else's in this house slow and painful if they laid a finger on them. His eyes are wild. The kind of insane he's only witnessed watching Sapnap in the ring and taking down an opponent.
This is life or death to Sapnap he realizes.
George is waking up from the noise as Sapnap continues to yell and slam his head against the door. What happened. WHAT HAPPENED!
"NADA! SAPNAP HICIMOS NADA!"
Serpias can barely get it out. He feels dizzy. He might be bleeding.
"Then why are you sorry." Sapnap's cold tone hurts Serpias' more than scares him. Never wanting Sapnap to hate him ever. But he knew this would happen. Expected to be more than half dead by this point.
"For taking you away from them....They are alone..."
It's quiet again.
"Why are you saying this?" It's Dream. His tone is cold and calculating, something Serpias is familiar to. Welcomes it even. Something to focus on that isn't Sapnap's hatred.
"Para escaparƩ." He produces the keys in his pocket. They're for a car.
And Sapnap let's him go. Serpias feels really dizzy without the support now. The headache so overwhelming, he can't help close his eyes. He's out cold before he falls over.
When he wakes up he's in the infirmary with Farfa at the side of his bed. He can feel the headache of a concussion, the back of his head pounding. He notices the bandages wrapped around his head.
"Se fueron."
Serpias jumps at Farfa's voice. But once the words register, despite the incredible pain, he can't help but be relieved.
#ehm aus#ehm asks#mafia mafia au#i feel like everything changes DRASTICALLY when actual children are involved.#yes the cats are dteam's babies and they WILL kill anyone who hurts them#but they are cats who will not terribly suffer from being in a crime family.#in my head the children arr kept so safe and while they know their dads do dangerous thing they arent exactly exposed to it#team mafia learning about them is Dream's worst case scenario and I think in this hypothetical he is a billion times more stressed out#i think sapnap would have way less anxiety as well if he had two kids....being a parent changes you a lot
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There's something about dramas like Our Liberation Notes, Call it love, Summer Strike and Tell Me that You Love me that just heal me and provide me with so much comfort.
#i would add my mister to the list too even thought it was a little too gut wretching to watch.#all these dramas hold a very special and very dear space in my heart#something about the slow moving and mundane but raw and true emotions provoked by the characters speak to me#i find pieces of myself scattered all throughout these dramas#please recommend me anymore that you might think id like!!#also the male leads in these dramas are truly the greenest flags#its so hard to find someone who truly understands and speaks my langauge of hurt and pain and love but watching these dramas makes me feel#less alone and that is why i'll cherish them as i continue this silly journey called life#kdrama#kdramas#melodramas have my heart#i forgot to add soundtrack 1 to the list!!#rant#my liberation notes#call it love#tell me that you love me#summer strike#my mister
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.
The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.
To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.
If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take
Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"
Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.
I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.
And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).
Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)
Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?
Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.
It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware
Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#Suicide ment#SA ment#Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy#if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words#Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like#Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing#That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive#Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it#And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't#Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him#That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it#Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know#Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it#I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe#But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear#But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively#Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping#The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya#When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy#But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do#Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash
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"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."
+ process(tw blood)
Also, look at him, bloody little guy š„¹
This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:
^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-
#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!!#i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one#and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again?????#mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody#i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever#my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :(#and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg#im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already#but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp šš#perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote#anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did#and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on#im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ?????#also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay#tw blood#<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood#i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice#catie.art.#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#matador au
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Hey. Just wanted to put my two cents in, like everyone else on Tumblr dot com is. (It got pretty long so putting it under a cut)
I don't really care about what you think should happen to the fandom. Like. If you are going to continue to engage in the fandom without giving Neil any sort of gain is fine. I'm personally still on the fence on what the fuck to do now. But let's not make that the whole focus, yeah? What Neil allegedly did was fucking terrible. Like. Objectively worse than what JKR did when things first came out about her. Let's forget good omens and sandman and coraline for a minute (don't care if you still engage with those things or burn your copies and remove your tattoos, let's just put it down for a minute.) and try really hard to think. Because we all hated JKR. We burned her reputation to the ground. For good reason. But we can't even decide if we hate Neil Gaiman yet? Guys. Please. We have to believe all women. Plus he's a rich fucking white dude who has admitted to using his power for gain.
And if it turns out (which this is a 8% chance) that this is all not what it seems to be, or even all of it is fabricated, and Neil is innocent, we still gotta stop worshipping this dude. This has got to be a wakeup call that he's not some Messiah. He's a human dude in power who does the same shitty things human dudes in power do.
And I get it. You want to continue to like your stories that he helped create (key-word 'helped' bc he was a part of a team with a lot of these stories, including Sir Terry Pratchett) but me personally? I would be a massive hypocrite if I metaphorically burned my Harry Potter stories to the ground and put HP fans in my DNI because of JKR but said "separate the art from the artist" with Neil Gaiman.
And this is coming from any other Good Omens fan that became way too attached to the story. Like a lot of people have said that story helped in very. Very fucking trying times. It was my rock, some days the only thing keeping me going. The fandom has been an amazing place of creativity and community and love.
But so was Harry Potter. If you think about it. If any Good Omens fans were previous Harry Potter fans you'll know just how wide spread and open and creative and deep the hp fandom was. And this may just be me misremembering because it was a couple years ago at this point (plus everything with Neil Gaiman is still such news) but because JKR was spouting rhetoric that directly harmed us (us being majority queer and poc people) we drop-kicked hp pretty fast and focused on the artist and her shittiness.
Can we have the same attitude towards Neil? Can we separate the art from the artist long enough to fucking focus on Neil? When I say separate the art from the artist I don't mean "remove artist, continue to enjoy art" I mean "remove the art and focus on the artist, and study that motherfucker". How many video essays are their out about JKR? How many books referencing her terribleness? Without giving so much as a hint to Harry Potter?
Separate the art from the artist and focus on the artist and bringing him to justice. And believe the victims.
And yeah I can see your arguments against the source of the information and who the victims went to tell their stories, I can understand those arguments, but let's look at the data, okay? Let's look at what Scarlett and K actually said with their actual words and their actual messages and separate the source from the material. What Scarlett and K talked about is scary. Terrifying. I couldn't even read more than a little bit before I got triggered. I wasn't caring about how the source podcast was talking about it. What Scarlett and K said with their own words should be enough. Make your own judgements. If you can't look at a story without being influenced by the storyteller's hidden agenda and not have critical thinking skills????? I'm sorry but that's going to be your downfall.
Or better yet, if you can't believe victims because they have political views that differ from your own (which, they probably don't. From what I can tell nobody really fucking knows what Scarlett and K's political views are but it doesn't really matter) you need to really study and look into what you mean when you call yourself a "leftist". Because it's not very progressive or helpful to not believe or help victims because of their political views. Sorry. Is that wild for me to say? Idk
Uh anyways. I don't really care what you do in your free time when it comes to enjoying the fandoms. I don't necessarily think it makes you a terribly shitty person for still engaging in it instead of burning all your Neil Gaiman stories, and also like a lot of people have said (and since I'm on the same boat) treating fans like the scum of the earth when a lot of fans have had good omens as a way to escape and has become super dependent on good omens and are justifiably horrified by everything and trying to ignore it is shitty. But I'm personally going to continue to follow this story because I care about the victims. Not because I want to be guilt-free reading a fanfic about an angel and a demon. Because I care about real life people.
#neil gaiman#god I'm just so scrambled about everything#I would make a post about how it's oh so terrible because I love good omens and it's helped me so much and yadda#but this isn't about me#i can push away my things and my feelings because this isn't about me#i don't want this to be about me#i seriously think that Scarlett and K deserve better#because they're people#i don't care that Neil Gaiman is a 'huge' trans ally#he hurt people. even progressives can hurt people.#i can't tell you how many cool people I looked up to WHO WERE PROGRESSIVES that were shitty. and horrible.#like genuinely I've had to stop engaging with like. five leftists. this year.#idk. if you still enjoy sandman and good omens and coraline good for you I guess#i couldn't care less about how you spend your free time#but for the love of GOD don't promote neil. or defend him. because he wrote your favorite stories.#don't give him any sort of help and any sort of way to get farther and farther away from the justice he must be served.#and you shouldn't care about what I or others are doing with the fandom#everyone should just forget about fandom and focus on this#it's sickening. genuinely.#good omens#sandman#coraline
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By the way Iāve had this āmha definitely doesnāt have that much planning in long-term and horikoshi just makes it up as he goes, and that creates contradictory story beats likeā¦ all the issues with the āsavingā villains plotā idea of a post in my head for YEARS PLURAL and um. Does. Does now seem like a good time to write it?
#even if shigaraki lives my point still stands#(ramble in tags. keep in mind I havenāt been reading this in a long time so Iām not entirely caught up)#because letās be honest here. if the story hadnāt been so confusing about what it wanted to do to the lov thereād be less controversy#around all this. like it feels the story has written itself into a corner with the lov#like it seems horikoshi wanted the cool and tragic villains who ultimately are defeated by the heroes who surpass them#like unlike you who use your pain to hurt others I will use it to help them etc etc#but ALSO made the lov representative of the victims and outcasts of hero society so#saving them would represent surpassing those issuesā yknow. contradicting the whole killing them idea#yet he chooses to try doing both instead of picking one of those options and sticking to it#so he ends up failing in both#bnha critical#<- I have to tag this as SMTH after this long ass ramble#boku no hero#mha
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