#it was the 30-year old wet cat

[simultaneously-sick-and-calm]

PFFFFFT listen one of my friends from high school forced me to sit down and watch it because "midoriya's eyes are the size of fucking dinner plates" and the second that man rolled up in his yellow ass sleeping bag i was like omg it's him he's the one LMFAO

LMAO OKAY BUT SAME. I'm so dead serious lol I took one look at the bags under his eyes and that snarky ass attitude and I was like 'oh no this is going to be bad, isn't it?'

[februarys-wednesday]

i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

[can-of-w0rmz]

I find it so funny how adaptations and pop culture for Frankenstein feel the need to paint “Dr. Frankenstein” as either a batshit crazy old man or a hot mentally unstable guy in his 30s, when in reality Victor Frankenstein in the original novel is just a sickly gay autistic teenager, who does definitely not have a doctorate, written by a 17-year-old goth girl who created the genre of science fiction.

It��s just so funny to me how pop culture is just like, “yeah, Dr. Frankenstein, the ‘ooOoh my peers criticised my science but I’ll show them!’ And ‘it’s alive!’ guy.” when in reality Victor Frankenstein just shows up to class fully “uhm, achtually 🤓☝️” style, then proceeds to rant about his boyfriend best buddy and how hot and amazing he is for pages and pages and pages. What peers? His classmates who probably just know him as “oh, that one.”??? The man is a twink who dropped out of university and due to his avoidance of consequences (not his “whining”, bad character analysis, I see you) by the end he’s driven himself so far to his own demise that he’s just an absolute sopping wet cat of a man. Stop trying to age him up at the beginning or make him hotter or “more mature”, the public deserves to know this twink like we do. And please stop making the creature an inarticulate mess with literally no character to him whatsoever, give us our edgy “i just read this Bible fanfic and Satan is just like me fr” lad we know and love

[plasticfreckles]

🪶 rookanis date plans nobody thought through enjoy🪶

"Ugh." Rook wrings out her hair. The groan comes from so deep inside her Lucanis thinks she might keep it under her toenails. "I'm never getting the stench out."

"Harding did offer you a hairtie, you remember." Not that Lucanis wore one, but he hasn't washed his hair in so long the grease alone might well be a helmet.

"I've put years into getting my hair to retain this curl pattern. Silk bedsheets and beetroot treatment only."

"Beetroot make your hair purple, as well?"

She shrugs, after flipping her wet curls through the air like that siren in the children's tale. The droplets that fly around her may as well be actors of the commedia, so well they play their part.

"It does, but I don't mind. Think it looks cute. Also if I stand in the sun right, it's pink. I got magic hair without being stuffed in a circle!"

She kneels down to pet a stray cat, but the smell of death and blight on their clothes makes it hiss and retreat into the shadows.

Rook huffs.

"You know what I'm doing the next time we're in Treviso?"

How should I know? You never let me talk to her. - She isn't talking to you. - Because you never let me!

"Coffee?" He knows it's not coffee. She's one of those cursed with coffee making her tired. Coffee, she reserves for ending a night, sitting on Treviso's rooftops with Crow Feed and a candlestub (or with bread and a book on a wobbly staircase in an old god's bachelor pad, as the case may be).

But if he doesn't guess now, Spite will start putting words in his mouth. And he rarely has nice things to say. I have no words you'll like.

"Before that. Can't show up like this."

Why not? He thinks. Sure, her pants are a little too tight for her luscious thighs, but all Crows wear tight pants. Even if that were reason the turn her away, she's too short for normal people to notice. Not under her cloak, anyway.

You're not normal people, Lucanis. It occurs to normal people they won't let her sit down because she stinks, not because she's got great legs. Normal people don't stare at their boss's ass like it was Andraste at the Stake. Spite manifests so close to him he can feel his serpent's tongue in his ear canal. He rubs his ear into his pauldron.

"She's not our boss," Lucanis hisses, and were Rook not an elf Crow, she might not even have heard.

As it is, when Lucanis returns his focus to figuring out where Neve had wandered off to, she frowns at him.

"What's he say?"

"It's not important." Lucanis shakes his head. You're not important, Spite says.

"You sure?" If their condition were Spite's prison, he would shake the bars in frustration so hard the walls would come down.

"The picking irritates him. Please, don't."

She leans back against the cart behind her, arms crossed.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to rile him up." She moves over a little when he walks over to join her against that cart. It's a good vantage point on the winding street into the market.

"Why don't you tell me your plans for Treviso before Neve returns with another contact?"

Rook leans her head back into her neck and bares all her teeth when she laughs.

"Want to join?"

"For coffee, certainly."

"Bathhouse, too?"

His clearly off-guard expression makes her laugh so hard she moves to hold her belly and bangs both elbows on the cart.

Quinces and pomegranates fall off the cart and tumble down the road.

🪶

this is experimental and idk if i like it yet. i think I've flirted twice with the man and am lowkey terrified of having messed up my chance at romance with him by playing blind but oh well

WE TAKE OUR Ls ON THE INTERNET WHOOP [Also its 1:30 in the night and the youth club beneath us has been playing the same 2 notes on their bass for like 5 hours now :)]

[~rina]

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 1

Propaganda:

Bob Zanotto/Helmut Fullbear:

THEY LITERALLY MADE MR CRY THE FIRST TIME I PLAYED THE GAME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND THEY FINALLY GET TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME.

they are married in canon and are epic and amazing. they had sad canon events where bob thought helmut was dead for like 30 years or something but helmut WASN'T dead his brain was still alive and they are reunited in the game first by way of stealing an evil dictator's body and then later on they put helmut's brain in a ball as a temporary fix while they go out to find his body which has been frozen in ice. the game forces you to walk through bob's memory of saying his vows at their wedding ceremony and it's seriously some of the most romantic and heartwarming shit i've ever heard, especially "just when i thought i was turning to seed, you made me bloom again" like my god. i love them

they're gay and old as hell!!!! there's a level dedicated to their wedding!!!

Helmut is voiced by Jack Black and is currently a brain in a ball, and Bob knows him so well that the mental image of him in his drunken mind says things Bob KNOWS the real Helmut would never say. Also Helmut is temporarily in the body of a guy voiced by Elijah Wood-

Craig Cuttlefish/DJ Octavio:

well you see they used to be friends but were on opposite sides of the great turf war. cuttlefish gets a 14 year old to go stop octavios army. also they argue in splatoon 3 which is just part of the 100+ year divorce arc BUT AT THE FINAL BOSS IN THE JAPANESE VERSION THEY SHARE THE ICONIC LINE THAT CUES THE CALAMARI INKANTATION AND IN THE ENGLISH CUTTLEFISH TELLS OCTAVIO TO "HIT IT" AND START THE MUSIC AND MUSIC IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE SPLATOON UNIVERSE YAAAAA ik its grasping but its lovers to enemies

Literally I have seen so many people call this old man yaoi.

Old men divorce!!!

They're old men who made their divorce the problem of every young person in their lives <3. 100 years ago during the Great Turf War between inklings and octarians, Craig and Octavio were the chosen ambassadors of their respective species. They got along well, but unfortunately found themselves on opposite sides of the war. During one of the battles Craig shot Octavio in the heart. The inlkings won the war and the octarians were forced underground. For years afterward both men grew bitter towards each other, and eventually Octavio attacked the new Squidbeak Splatoon (a group of secret agents recruited by Craig). Octavio lost both times and got imprisoned in a giant snow globe (and Craig calls him cute). In the latest game Octavio got over his hatred for Inklings (Craig's species) and used his flying mech to help defeat the BBEG of the game. After the final fight, Craig said something to the effect of 'that old rascal turned out to be not so bad!'.

Alright ok hear me out! These two old men have fought in wars for their races against each other and have the craziest pathetic old man homoerotic tension ever. They like, went from at least respecting each other before the war and then they were forced to fight each other and then when Cuttlefish's side won, Octavio went underground like a pathetic lil wet cat and later on he kidnapped Cuttlefish because of game related reasons and both of them still have way too much homoerotic tension!!! And then Octavio gets owned and then in the second game Octavio decides that "Hey actually, lets kidnap Cuttlefish's granddaughter" and the old man isnt even there cause hes busy being a pathetic old man in the under-underground!!! And in the third game they go fron rival/enemies to reluctantly working together to save the world from actual extinction bc some durry bitch wants to cover it in fuzzy ooze and like, both of them have so much old man ship potential and just- theyre still pining for each other even after over a 100 years man,,,,

I personally headcanon Cap'n Cuttlefish as homophobic, but I see the ship a lot and think it's funny.

They’re both at least like 125 probably a bit older, they are so divorced, like peak lovers to enemies back to lovers, Cap’n Cuttlefish calls Octavio cute in Splatoon one immediately after you rescue him from Octavio kidnapping him? So dysfunctional, so gay, so old

They fought in the Great Turf War which was said to be over 100 years ago, Capn Cuttlefish was, well, a captain I believe (he had some sort of rank even if he wasn't a captain, like he led a battle that's singled out in the sunken scrolls of the first game). they act so divorced in the singleplayer mode like they cannot stop insulting each other specifically but octavio always comes back and like kidnaps or insults captain cuttlefish it's so. and when the great zapfish gets stolen in splatoon 3 captain cuttlefish is like "it's the octarians again i know it" like divorced behavior. also it wasn't this time and octavio gets super weird about it. maybe you should stop using children as props in your drama though.

my favorite war crime divorcees <3

They basically are friends to enemies to lovers. Both of them fought in a war that hurt DJ Octavio so bad he can’t become an inkling.

friends -> enemies -> lovers. what more is there to say

they are soooo divorced

they were so gay their breakup ended a war

Craig Cuttlefish got sucked dry by a bear

they got divorced but then they got remarried . they fuckinf hate eachother but they also make out sloppy style and i do not know how that works because neither of them have mouths in their swim form which they are both permanently stuck in. love wins but also loses at the same time with these fucking losers

they are sooo divorced omg. istg they were dating when they were younger and then war n shit happened and now theyre bitter exes who probably still make out sometimes. Makes it so much funnier that theyre old ass men (both over 100!) and Cuttlefish has grandkids

They were on opposite sides of a war and still fell in love

[spread-the-influence]

Mod bee. I would like to thank you for drawing Ragatha/Tee like a pathetic wet cat.

Thank you, and PLEASE draw more pathetic ragdolls in the future, Thank you(×3)

well you're in luck that is my brand i supply pathetic ragatha content for those who didn't know they needed it . i have to make this 30 year old woman look sopping wet

t.i is also just as pathetic she's just way better at hiding it

[blackcrystalball]

You know, it's not even the grenade that really got me. It's fucking everything that came afterwards. The fucking 80 - 30 year old prospector, gymnastic martial artist. My eyelashes are wet and my cat is mad that I disrupted his nap.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

Kay Francis (Jewel Robbery, I Loved A Woman, British Agent)— kay francis was an icon of glamor in her time and a top star of the 30s - she was the highest-paid actress at warner bros from 1930 to 1936. she tended to play characters who were charming, sophisticated, and elegantly dressed, and starred in at least one legitimate masterpiece, the sublime 1932 comedy trouble in paradise. her first big role was in the marx brothers movie the cocoanuts in 1929, and she and william powell made seven movies together between 1930 and 1932. even in her sillier movies she always elevates the material with her charm and presence - she never phones it in and there’s a sort of warm, knowing wittiness about her. a really good short promo from a retrospective of her movies that i think really gets her Vibe across

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Kay Francis:

Jewel Robbery clip

"From 1932 through 1936, Francis was the queen of the Warner Bros. lot, and, increasingly, her films were developed as star vehicles. By 1935, Francis was one of the highest-paid actors, earning a yearly salary of $115,000, dwarfing the $18,000 Bette Davis – who would one day occupy Francis's dressing room – made. From 1930 to 1937, Francis appeared on the covers of 38 film magazines, second only to child sensation Shirley Temple's 138." Source: Wikipedia. Kay Francis is like the MOST FAMOUS Actress from the 1930s you've never heard of--and it was her and Norma Shearer who wore and made classic the 1930s tall, slim, bias cut silhouette. She ALSO has a WHOLE PODCAST episode devoted to her life and career in Hollywood--it's fascinating! She is both tough and a total wet cat.

One of the TALLEST Warner Brother stars at 5’9” and known as a “clothes horse” for her glamorous roles wearing the height of 1930s fashion. She fell out of popularity in the 40s, but her 30s work sizzles. The scene with her and Herbert Marshall in Trouble in Paradise where she says she doesn’t care about his reputation (because she’d rather sleep with him?) HAWOOGA

melted my gay heart with her butch look in stolen holiday

"My life? Well, I get up at a quarter to six in the morning if I'm going to wear an evening dress on camera. That sentence sounds a little ga-ga, doesn't it? But never mind, that's my life ... As long as they pay me my salary, they can give me a broom and I'll sweep the stage. I don't give a damn. I want the money ... When I die, I want to be cremated so that no sign of my existence is left on this earth. I can't wait to be forgotten." —From Kay Francis's private diaries, c. 1938

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

Probabaly a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

[sgiandubh]

For no particular reason: Lola's homemade chocolate

Today is Lola the Corgi's presumed birthday. We chose it approximately, while at the vet's, because Lola's story is nothing short of a canine miracle. She jumped in my cab, somewhere in the humble outskirts of Bucharest, on Saint Nicholas' Day. The driver asked, absurdly, if that was 'my dog' and I simply answered 'well, now it is'.

Little did we know the shaking, stone cold and scared to death puppy was a very rare Cardigan Corgi - this came later, when a British friend was amazed at the recovery and pointed it out adamantly. She could have been stolen or simply lost, but we will never know and we never looked back.

All our dogs had Spanish names (except for cats, always boys and always Pasha, namesakes of a beloved Shipper Mom's childhood pet), simply because they are easy to learn and remember. In her case, Lola is for...

for well... for obvious locomotion reasons 🤣 #LolaFlores. Twelve years with a supremely intelligent and empathic friend deserved a batch of my homemade chocolate, don't you think?

Too bad she can't try it. But enough babbling, here goes.

You will need: 2 cups/ 250 grams milk powder - I recommend Nestlé's Carnation, if you can't get hold of Rarăul, the obscure, Communist local brand (so damn good); 2 sticks/200 grams full fat butter (I recommend Irish butter, always with excellent results), at room temperature, cubed; 7 Tablespoons/50 grams cocoa (Dutch, if you can, but I prefer either Ghirardelli or the Greek Ion brand, which I think are the best on this planet); 2½ cups/ 500 grams Demerara sugar (or caster sugar). A dash of instant coffee, for decorating. You can replace sugar by stevia sweetener (measure accordingly - I used this, because I was also cooking for a severe diabetic who can't control herself), with very good results. Optional: crushed tea biscuits or cookies in the US/chopped hazelnuts/pine nuts/walnuts/peanut butter (in swirls) - sky is the limit. For the adult version, feel free to add a hefty swig of brandy/rhum/whisky/bourbon/vodka/limoncello or hey, let's be totally dirty (sssh!), Bailey's.

In a nonstick pan, gently simmer 3/4 cup or 170 ml cold water with ALL the sugar. Stir nonstop (only with wooden spoon or silicone spatula, never metal - it lends a foul taste!) until you get a sort of thin syrup - basically the sugar should dissolve, nothing more. 2 to 3 minutes should be enough.

Add the cubed butter, stir gently until it melts and incorporates completely. 10 minutes max, but never stop stirring!

Take the pan off the heat. Gently pour dry milk in small batches, stirring and incorporating continuously. It should immediately thicken, sticky fudge consistency.

Gently mix the cocoa, with slow, ample bottom/top movements (you don't want it anywhere else but in that pan, for sure). Right consistency should be a thick ribbon, pouring from the spoon.

Back to the heat for about 30 to 45 seconds, stirring all the time. I have no idea why, but my grandma always insisted it was very important, go figure. Take off the heat and immediately add the nuts and (if you choose) the alcohol, mixing vigorously.

Pour into a well buttered loaf tin. Dust with instant coffee. Let cool, put into fridge for 6 hours minimum (overnight is better). Only cut with a wet knife. Devour and don't think about the damn calories.

I am sorry for the very, very old pic (2010, I think). Tonight, it was impossible to take a proper one 😱.

This is what we do call 'homemade chocolate' all over Eastern Europe, but to be honest, it's rather some very, very good fudge. The dry milk is a dead giveaway of the real age of the recipe, which is around 1945 - postwar rationing, of course.

You are welcome. You won't regret the 45 minutes you're likely to spend making it.

[thestonedwriter]

His game

Daryl Dixon x. FemReader

Warnings: This story is 18+ has sexual content! Age gap, receiving(f), choking, kinda dark Daryl I mean he’s chasing you through the woods, begging, nicknames like (Sweetheart, darling)

This is the edited version!!

Here they were standing at the edge of the forest, staring off into the deep woods that could honestly have anything wondering around them, when he suddenly came up behind her, pulling her from her daze. "Remember, sweetheart, it's just a game. Say the word, and it all ends." He whispered against her hair, pressing himself against her as his hands began to wander around her body as if it were a work of art and nothing could compete with it. 

"Just say 'Arrow' sweetness, and that's all you have to say, and the game ends." He groaned against her ear, and he grabbed her hips, pushing herself even more into him as she let out a breathless moan from the back of her throat. "So what's the word? He stated this as he ran his hands across her stomach, slowly getting higher as he went "Arrow." She replied, still looking forward into the woods with excitement building up inside of her "good girl." He spoke as he bit the outside of her ear, leaving small kisses on her neck that sent shivers down her spine until he got to her shoulder. Before moving back up to her ear, she said, "Run." He whispered, licking her ear before pushing her forward, "Ya got 3 minutes ta run before I start chasing ya" He said with a low growl, taking his crossbow off of his back, "GO!" He barked, causing her to start sprinting to the edge of the forest before quickly looking back and seeing a sadistic glint in his eyes.

 

7 minutes have passed, and she hasn't stopped running, taking different turns and directions, hoping not to run into him. He put the fear of God into her with how he carries himself around Alexandria, how his sexy, strong arms can pick up his crossbow, how his deep, raspy voice makes her panties wet every time she hears it, or how he's not afraid to do anything, like when he beat the living shit out of Nicholas his first month here. It always seemed to her that nothing ever scared the hunter, no matter what the situation was.

 

12 minutes passed, and she slowed down from running. She looked around her surroundings to see if she could see him. To her, it felt like an exotic game of cat and mouse, where Daryl was the cat and she was the mouse. She felt the excitement fill her hot core. "I know you're around; I got yer trail. ya can keep running, but ya can't sure as hell hide." She heard it from the far distance behind her, causing her to speed up and keep running forward until she found a big old hazelnut tree and pressed her back up against it. Scared is something she never really felt before until this moment; the fact she can't hide from the hunter scares her. She wishes he had offered her months ago to take her hunting and teach her how to track and cover up her tracks if she ever needed to, but she would have said yes, but she never thought it would have been useful until this moment. 

 

30 minutes passed, and she still hasn't moved. She was scared but excited. That's how she's always felt when near him or talking to him. At first, she was nervous when she first saw him; he was new, sexy, buff, dirty, and mean, she thought, but she couldn't help but be drawn to him. The first time they were really around each other was the night of the party, but she didn't go; instead, she stayed home with her big brother Eric and his boyfriend Aaron, eating spaghetti, when Aaron looked out the window and said he was going to be right back.

A few minutes passed, and Aaron returned with a cleaned-up-looking Daryl. "Daryl, you know Eric, but this is his little sister, Y/N," Aaron said as he pulled out his seat beside Eric. "Only by what 7 years? I'm 22 now, I think, and you are what 29? 30?" She said it with a scoff, pointing her fork at the two. "Hey, we aren't that old yet," Aaron said, defending him, and Eric earned a small laugh from Daryl. "You can sit by Y/N Daryl and have some spaghetti; she doesn't bite," Eric said with a small laugh. "Not that he knows of," she said with a small scoff as Daryl looked at the seat, and then you went back to the seat before moving and taking a seat beside her just as she set a plate full of spaghetti down for him with a soft smile.

 

A whistling sound broke her out of her thoughts, causing her to quickly look around, only to see him off in the distance behind her. "Shit," she whispered to herself before starting to run to her left, where some big bushes lay for cover as she ran.

 

40 minutes passed like nothing with all this running she has been doing since the game started. She knows he is not that far behind her, and she knows he gets a thrill from this, but the bad thing is that so does she. The excitement of him chasing her, the thrill of what's to come once she's been caught—the thoughts alone were making her wet her panties even more than they already were. 

"Hey, Y/N, go take this to Daryl for me." Eric said as he handed her a glass of iced water. It's been a few days since dinner, and Daryl has been coming over every day to fix a motorcycle Aaron gave him for his new job, and she's been enjoying the view of having him over every day working, the way his arms flex when he's working, or how he mumbles while he's too focused on working. "Sure!" she said with a big smile, grabbing the glass out of his hand before walking to the garage, only to see Daryl's back arms flexing under the bike, trying to fix it. She couldn't help but wonder off her mind. He looked godly; he's been the hottest man she's laid eyes on since this all began. His blue eyes, longish hair, his facial hair—everything about that man she found hot. She couldn't just imagine his hands on her throat while kissing her. but quickly snapped out of her daydream when he rolled from underneath the bike and leaned up. "I brought you some ice water. It's a really hot day, so," she said once again, smiling at him. He couldn't help but stare and not say a word to her. She was a goddess. her long hair, plump lips, and god, her chest She loved the way her chest looked big with perky looking tits, the way her nipples poked out through the tee-shirt she was wearing, and the way her thighs looked because of the shorts she was sporting on her. Her eyes were a sweet golden brown, but she quickly stood up and brushed his hands off his pants, grabbing the glass of water. "Thanks." His raspy but sexy voice said, "You're welcome." She said as a blush flourished across her complexion, she turned to leave but stopped. "And if you ever need anything, Daryl, im just inside, so don't be afraid to ask for something to eat or drink," she said softly as her eyes scanned him up and down as she bit her lip before turning and leaving him to himself as a frustrated groan left his lips and he looked down towards his manhood that was supporting his half-hard erection.

 

The game has been going on for a total of 50 minutes now. She's tired of running. She slumps against a tree, thinking of just letting him catch her at this point because her legs and feet are tired, and she's also thirsty. She hasn't run into any walkers, just one or two. 

 

"You know better than this, Y/N." He barked out, getting annoyed with how long it took to get this close to getting her before she ran. "I can't run and hide forever, my love." He stated that the sound of his voice was getting closer and closer. trying to hold her breath, scared he could hear her heart beating out of her chest. "It's just a game, sweetheart." He spoke softly as she took off, running with him not too far after her.

 

She stopped dead in her tracks when an arrow hit the ground right in front of her. "You know what they say? You can run, but you can't hide." He said with a scoff as she turned around to face him, eyeing him up and down, but he looked different, sexier, and revealing his shirt was completely unbuttoned, showing off his amazing hard chest. But the most eye-catching thing was the trail of hair going down his flat stomach into his V-line that led inside his pants as he stood just a few feet away from her. Just the sight of him alone has her pushing her thighs together with need. Seeing that made him quickly drop his crossbow and make gentle strides until he was right in front of her. "It looks like it got someone a little needy," he said, grabbing the back of her head, tangling his fingers into her hair, and pulling her closer to his face, causing her to let out a small whine as he put his other hand on her hip, pulling her closer to him to feel his hard manhood against her pelvis as she let out a small moan with his action.

 

She doesn't remember how she ended up on the ground with him on top of her as he trailed small kisses from her jaw to her lips. His hands wandered around her body. He leans up and looks her in the eyes. "Just say the word, and it will end," he whispered, and he leaned down and kissed her neck as his hands found her waist and underneath her shirt, causing her to let out a course of moans as he started to suck on her neck as she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, lacing her hand into his hair and pulling on it as he let out a small moan of his own, before pressing himself against her as he moved his head to face her once again. He looked into her eyes, then they slowly trailed down to her plump lips before looking back at her as she gave him a small nod.

 

That's all he needed before he smashed his lips onto hers, moving his hands farther up until his hands were under her breasts, kissing her with force as she opened her mouth for him. Hands touching each other like it will be the last time they will ever be touched, her left hand moved from his neck to his chest, feeling his chest as her right hand pulled his hair, causing a groan to leave his throat and into her mouth as they kissed as he quickly leaned up and removed his vest and shirt, leaving him in only his jeans. She leaned up and grabbed him by the back of his neck, kissing him again as he ripped her shirt off and threw it before pushing her back down onto the ground of the forest, leaving kisses down her neck to her chest. "Fuck." She breathes as she lets out a moan. Everything that he was doing was setting her on fire and leaving it a burning pit inside her core, filling it with need and want. The way his hands felt on her body, he took off her bra, leaving her chest exposed to him to do whatever he pleases. The sight alone was almost enough to make him go mad. He was harder than he ever was before. He was filled with excitement and lust for this woman, and he just wanted to fuck her like he's never fucked anyone before. "Ya like that, sweetheart," he said as a low groan left his mouth.

 

He slowly lowered his head to her breast and took one into his hand and one into his mouth as he bit her nipple. "Fuck, please, Daryl," she moaned in pleasure. He leaned up and pressed a kiss in between her breasts before looking at her. "Tell me what do ye want." He groaned as his hands trailed from her breast to her waist to the top of her jeans. "I want you, please, Daryl." She begged as she looked him in the eyes before he ripped her jeans off her legs along with her panties, leaving her completely bare for his eyes to see.

 

Trailing kisses from her stomach to right above her aching core, "Tell me, is this what ye want?" He growled while he slid his thumb over her clitoral area. "God yes!" She said that as she let out a moan and grabbed onto his hair, he finally slid his finger into her wet hole while keeping his thumb on her clit "So fucking wet for me, ain't you," he groaned as he let his hot breath hit her core, causing her to let out a breathy moan from the back of her throat. "Only for you," she said with a gasp as she bit her lip due to his warm breath on her core. 

 

Daryl dipped his head down, leaving small kisses on her thighs as he ruthlessly started fucking his finger into her, causing her to buck her hips to his fingers. "Stop," he growled as he placed the arm he wasn't using over her stomach, pushing her back down before adding another finger to her wet cunt. "Fuck please, Daryl," she moaned, feeling waves of pleasure washing over her body and mind. "Please what?" He spoke, eyeing her soaking wet cunt with hunger as he continued to fuck her with his fingers. "Please fuck me," she groaned out, trying to catch her breath.

 

He quickly pulled his fingers out of her cunt, putting one of them into his mouth and sucking all of her juice off it before putting the other one up to her plump lips. "Suck," he growled, pushing his finger into her mouth. He watched in astonishment as she sucked on his finger, cleaning it off. Making him harder than he already was.

He quickly removed his finger from her mouth, moving his hand to his belt and undoing it as fast as he could before pulling his pants down, exposing his hard erection, causing her to moan at the size and idea of him fucking her silly. "Like what ye see, sweetheart," he groaned as he palmed his erection, stroking it a few times. "God yes," she said as she leaned up on her elbows, watching him with wide eyes. Daryl slowly leaned down, catching her in another kiss as he slowly lined himself up to her soaking pussy as she let out a breathless moan into the kiss before he moved up and played with her clitoral area with the head of his dick. "ye want me to fuck ya dumb with my cock?" He groaned as he pulled away from her lips before attacking her neck with kisses and small bites. "Please, please fuck me dumb with your cock." She groaned in frustration, only to feel him put the head of his cock into her wet cunt. "Beg me to fuck ya. Beg me to touch ya." He asked against her neck before biting down, causing her to moan and look over and see he left a noticeable bite mark. "Please Fuck Me, Daryl." I don't think I can wait  anymore." She pleaded with him with a lust-filled gaze that made him want to melt right there and fuck her till she couldn't walk any more.

 

With one quick thrust, he was buried inside of her, causing them both to let out moans filled with pleasure: "Fucking hell, Y/N, yer so fuckin tight." He groaned against her neck as he slowly began to pull out and then push back inside of her "faster." She said as she grabbed his hair to pull on it that he quickly pulled out and thrust back in her tight, warm cunt. "Fuck!" he growled as he continued thrusting in and out of her cunt. "Yes, yes, yes, fuck me." She moaned, moving her hands to his back and grabbing on as he sped up his pace. Daryl quickly grabbed both of her hands and pinned them above her head. "Faster, please go faster!" She yelped out as she moved her hips against him. "Yeah, ya like my cock fucking into ya" he growled as he moved one of his hands down to her neck. "Fuck yes, I love your cock fucking into me." She moaned, throwing her head back as he sped up, thrusting harder and faster. 

 

This amount of pleasure was almost too overwhelming for her to handle as he continued to fuck into her as he moved his hand from her neck to the ground beside her head, leaving kisses and bite marks all along her skin. She felt as if she were on cloud 9. "Fuck Fuck Fuck!" she yelled as she felt herself reaching her peak as her walls tightened around him. When she then felt him smack her thigh, "You don't get to come till I say ye can," he growled into her ear, and he nipped at it with his teeth as he let out one of the biggest moans yet: "Fuck, please, I want to cum." She groaned, still feeling the pleasure build in her core and wanting to burst. "Not yet, sweetheart. Almost there," he said as he groaned into her neck.

 

She felt his thrusts get careless and faster. Chasing his release, "Fuck" He groaned as he pushed his head into her neck, biting down and causing her eyes to roll back and a breathless moan to erupt from her mouth. "Daryl, please, please, can I fucking cum?" She moaned as she tried to wiggle her hands from within his hold, only for him to tighten his grip. 

As he moved his head up to her ear, licking and biting it, he let out a breath against her ear. "Cum for me," he growled carelessly, thrusting into her as fast as he could, feeling her walls tighten and then feeling her release all over his cock. "Fuck, yes, yes, yes," she moaned while her eyes rolled to the back of her head all while he continued fucking into her, feeling his release build up faster than it ever  He quickly smashed his lips onto hers, ruthlessly making out with her as he finally lets himself go with a loud groan into her mouth as he fucks himself through his orgasm while shooting the ropes of his cum into her cunt before dropping beside her.

They both turn their heads, looking into each other's eyes, before breaking into smiles as he leans over and grabs her by the back of the neck, pulling her into a lazy kiss, to which she returns before breaking away from the kiss. "Mine," he growled. "Yours," she replied breathlessly while looking into his eyes with a fucked-out smile plastered on her face.

[hatchetings]

“___ is a wet cat”

wrong!! that is a 30 year old man!

[sweetpastillas]

sparrow ben (or ben onwards from s3) in promo posters is so funny. they try to depict him as a sleek lil bad boy, with his plans and want for fighting, and absolutely gets his bed warm more than once a week. but you meet his character and you realize 'well whats one more sad 30 year old in the mix hes just another bitey lil fella'

sopping wet (pathetically, dearly, like a cat) i love him

[the-collector-series]

THE CHARACTERS:

Nearly every story I can think of off the top of my head has characters. Characters are what compel me personally to keep reading/watching something. If I feel for the characters, my chances of enjoying the media goes way up, and I'm sure others feel the same.

So without further ado, let me introduce the stars of the show!

The main character is named Merissa Shermann. She's 22, has red curly hair (kinda like Merida lol), hazel eyes, pale skin that burns easily, and she's 5'6". She's incredibly caring, and has a soft spot for both kids, and animals. She also tends to worry. She is strong, but only because she does a lot of household chores because her dad is old and can't really do much. Her stake in the story is that her dad's life was ruined by the queen way back before the queen...well...became the queen. On top of that, what kind of best friend would she be if she didn't help her friend do a favor for a certain crime boss?

The childhood best friend is named Zell Odison. He's 21. My boy here has dark hair, dark eyes, and brown skin. (I may give him a tattoo sometime in the future ;)) He's 5'11". He's very dramatic and goofy, but will also do anything to take care of his family (including doing jobs for a well-feared crime boss). He and Merissa have been friends since they were little, and they're super close. His stake in the story is that his family has a hidden secret and he needs answers. Along with that, his favorite crime boss needs a favor...

The blacksmith is named Raymond Clyde. He's a small man, being only 5'2" at the age of 53. He's a brunette, but it doesn't really show because his hair is graying. It's pretty ratted, but he normally keeps it under goggles and a bandana anyway. He's a grumpy old man with wet cat energy but we love him. His wife died fifteen years ago, and his daughter never visits him, so he mostly stays at home, working. He runs into our main character, and her best friend on an average work day, and accidentally ends up gaining two new children. His stake in this story is that his wife's death isn't what it seems.

The soldier is named Aeriel Clyde. She's 30 and 5'8". Blonde, blue eyes, but the kind that stare into your soul and make you question your existence. Her skin is tanned, and starting to turn leathery from all the days that she's spent hunting, and finding bounties. She's obsessed with killing the giant who took her mother's life, and that's how she finds out that her mother's death is not what it seems. She's arrogant, and negative, but as the story progresses, grows as a person. She tries to rebuild her relationship with her father. Her stake in the story is that she has a vendetta to fulfill.

The child is named Chiyoko Sable. She's only 10 and stands at 4'8". She's very petite, as fair as children go, and has straight black hair, and brown eyes. She can always be seen with her cat, Cinder, that her birth mother gave to her. She's very bubbly and excited, and doesn't let anyone put out her spark, no matter how hard they try. She was born to a maid in one of the rich plantations, coincidentally owned by Tyra's sister. After being adopted by the late queen Tyra when her mother died, however, she starts to discover that all is not as it seems. Her stake in the story is that her adoptive mother is not who she says she is.

The alchemist is named Hugo Holloway. He's a broody little teenager, at 13. He's only about 4'11". Him and his mother are usually the ones at home, with his father being a palace guard. Since his father is gone all the time, he decided he needed a way to protect his mother, so he became the apprentice of an alchemist. He's very determined, straightforward, and doesn't do well with 'feelings'. His black hair can never seem to lay straight, and his skin can't decide whether it wants to be tan or pale, even his eyes can't decide what color they want to be, with one being a brown color and the other one being more of a hazel. His stake in the story is that his father has been betraying his family, and Hugo wants to know why.

The artist is named Sasha Holloway. Married to a palace guard named Noro, Sasha is on top of the world. She soon realizes that being married to a palace guard means a lot of cold beds, and solo parenting. And then...he left. Permanently. She struggled with raising Hugo, and providing enough money to stay alive, that is until Hugo got a job as well. Once her son became older, and more independent, she got back into her art. Dancing, knitting, painting, and the arts became constants in her life, once more. She's 5'3", and 37, and you better not touch her son. Her stake in the story is that people that she cares about are being threatened, and she can not let that happen.

And finally, the wanderer is named Estelle Foxglove. She has been a loner her whole life, always doing what it took to survive. That evolved into becoming a natural at causing trouble. And cause trouble she did. She decided to retire from chaos after a particularly sour mission, but that hasn't gone too well for her. She is 19. She's black with dreads, usually pulled into a ponytail, and stands at the tallest of the group: 6'0" (Can we get more tall women in media please???) Her background is a mystery, to both her and everyone else, but after figuring out that the notorious crime boss: The Collector might know something she doesn't, Estelle decides to un-retire for a bit, just to get their attention. Her stake in the story, is the want, the need to find out who she is, and why she is.

These will be updated as I go!

[sannylity]

Royalty AU for Slimeriana.

The Crown series inspired.

Mariana is a prince, soon-to-be heir who needs to marry to become the king and ruler. Five bachelors are selected by the council to stay with him in the castle for a month, an opportunity to get to know them and by the end of it, he gets to choose his partner.

Here’s the thing, the council personally handpicked four people to be either royalties or rich merchants with power, and one contestant is meant to be an ordinary man/woman without any influence to appeal to the low-middle class public and appear like the crown has humility for the kingdom in all walks of life.

Let’s say this whole process was an old pact that has been bastardized over the years and it just became more favorable to the people in positions of power but hey, at least they’re not homophobic lmaooooo

The bachelors can be anyone. It can be Foolish, a prince from a powerful kingdom, an obvious pick and a favorite by the council. Cellbit who is the son of a rich merchant, who in the end fell in love with the Prince’s right hand man instead.

Charlie is the one contestant who came from a poor family, fuck it, he doesn’t even have a family. He was an orphan and the only reason he signed up was because he lost a bet from Wilbur and Wilbur thought it’d be funny. It’s not like he was getting chosen as the token poor contestant anyway.

Well… three days later, he receives an invitation from the council.

No lowlife has ever won the heart of the prince/princess. Charlie is pretty self-aware that the whole system is rigged against someone like him and he wasn’t expecting to win or is there to win Mariana’s heart anyway. He might just as well enjoy the fancy living until he gets sent home.

But… Things don’t go according to plan.

Somehow, in some way, Prince Mariana takes interest in him. And for a while, Charlie sees it as pity and nothing more. Because what does he have to offer that the four other men don’t already have? He even lets Mariana know that he was on my there for a bet, that he doesn’t even want to get married.

Still, for that reason, Mariana keeps him around. And they get to know each other more and more. And Charlie slowly lets his guard down. They become close and his opinions about not wanting to get married felt like ages ago. And soon enough, Charlie has also fallen in love with the prince.

This poses a huge problem to the council because it sparks an interest and even an inspiration to the rest of the public to vote more for Charlie.

Let’s say choosing the prince/princess’ spouse is split from: the council = 30%, the public = 30% and the prince/princess = 40%.

And Charlie is climbing the ranks, winning the public’s favor unintentionally.

So, imagine the council doing everything in their power to rig the votes against him. They expose his past to sway the public, twist and make up stories like how Wilbur is secretly his boyfriend and he’s only marrying into royalty to sway Mariana, etc etc.

But through all the trials and tribulations, Charlie and Mariana gets married and live happily ever after! :D

—

I don’t know. I just want Charlie to somehow pull a bad bitch like Mariana with his wet cat, pathetic rizz, but like, make it royalty lol

Feel free to use this AU however you want. Just give a little credit and tag me so I could share and also see it! <3

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @steddiemas challenge.

Permanent 99

Prompt Day 30: Smut Themed Sentence Starters | Word Count: 2811 | Rating: E | CW: Sexual Content, 18+ Only | Tags: Sports AU, Swimming AU, Modern Setting, Eddie & Gareth are BFFs, Olympic Swimmers, Heat Wave, Outdoor Fooling Around, Blowjob, Eddie POV

This follows my Sports AU drabble from @steddieholidaydrabbles where they were Olympic Swimmers, but can be read standalone.

This one is also available right here on AO3.

we're hot and sticky as we can get, don't need to go swimming to be soakin' wet, you lean in and you bite my lip, it's hard to be cool in heat like this, sweat drop at the end of your nose, makes you lose your mind and lose your clothes Christian Kane, Permanent 99

Eddie rests his forearm over his eyes, attempting to block out the way too bright sun and wipe the sweat away from his forehead at the same time. 

The strips of cheap vinyl from the PVC lounger are sticking to his bare back and he can't seem to shift in any way to get comfortable with the feeling. Steve is worth millions, but he's dragged out some old as shit, tri-fold lounge chairs from last century. They had to have been stashed in his parents' pool house, left over from the eighties, faded from sun and years of disuse. If Eddie's going to be subjected to the summer sun, he's definitely gonna need a newer chair, because this is really not working for him. 

He's sticking to it in ways that feel really gross.

That has a lot to do with the fact that it's so humid it's almost insufferable. The glare off of the water isn't helping matters. It's blinding him, even through his sunglasses. They've spent a lifetime looking at pool water, so Eddie's not entirely sure why they're still doing it now, on their own time.

“It’s hot as shit,” Eddie finally announces, moving his arm just enough to catch a glimpse of Steve next to him.

Steve smiles, seemingly unconcerned by the unrelenting heat. 

He's tanned, and glistening in the sun, looking every bit of a Greek god. That bastard.

Eddie's actually seen Steve in Athens, at the fucking Olympiad itself, and he damn well didn't look anything like he does right now. Steve was only nineteen then, still just a kid chasing a dream. And, now he's a man. A gorgeous man.

Eddie is pretty sure he looks like an overheated, wet cat in comparison. A pitiful thing that probably just needs put down.

But Eddie grins, because retirement looks good on Steve Harrington. Damn good. Retired before thirty. That's quite the thing to wrap his head around. 

But that's not going to stop Eddie's complaining.

“From now on, summer months will be spent strictly indoors. It's too hot, and I’m too pale for this,” Eddie declares, as if that is the final decision on the subject matter.

It isn't. Not if his perpetually sun-kissed boyfriend has a say in the matter.

Steve just rolls his eyes, and doesn’t look away from his magazine, "You made the worst dressed list, again," Steve offers, flashing the glossy pages in his direction. "They put you on the fug list."

Well, Eddie doesn't give a flying fug what that rag thinks. He's gonna wear what he's gonna wear. 

"And let me guess, you're in the other column?" Eddie asks, but he already knows it. Ever since they went public with their relationship after retirement, they've been tabloid fodder. Everyone has been speculating on how long this has been going on (since Athens) and how long it will last (hopefully forever) and they've picked apart every last detail of their lives they can get their hands on. And their very different style choices have been a popular topic of conversation.

Steve retired, Eddie didn't. Until he did. And now, they're both out of the meat grinder, free at last to do whatever they want to with all this brand new free time. Eddie's had fun running swim clinics for kids, and Steve has been funneling his time and money into his charitable foundation.

The rest of the time, they spend lazing together, just like this. Finally getting to really build this relationship of theirs into something even deeper, and stronger, than ever before.

They can't leave swimming, not totally. It's in their blood. But it's nice to be away from the early practices and constant sacrifices you have to make to be an Olympian, not just once, but several Games in a row.

Their not-so-secret love went public at Eddie's last Games, when Steve showed up, but kept out of the announcer's booth, and refused to be interviewed. He wasn't there for his own promo. Everybody was pissy about it, wanting a piece of him, wanting the ratings boost his voice, his face, would bring in. But Steve was only there to see Eddie, Gareth and the rest of his friends on Team USA swim, that's it.

So, it didn't take long for rumors to reach a fever pitch, and instead of denying them. They just admitted they were together, and had been, for a very long time. And now, they were looking forward to retirement, together. 

And that was that. 

They've been holed up at Steve's house ever since, trying to keep away from prying eyes, to just be together. With no other commitments. No early practices. No strict diets.

They're just Eddie and Steve. No longer Harrington and Munson.

But, Eddie's getting a little stir crazy and a lot hot. He needs to be anywhere but beside a pool right now.

“I haven’t even set foot in the goddamn pool and I’m sweating through my trunks,” Eddie whines, just making sure his opinion on the subject has been heard by Steve, loud and clear.

“Shoulda rocked the banana hammock, bro,” Steve supplies with a shrug of his shoulders, laughing loudly, totally unbothered by Eddie’s constant bitching. 

Eddie smiles, "Don't call me bro, dude."

Steve giggles, and it's the best sound. So carefree. All that weight of expectation just…gone. It was amazing to see. Retired from professional swimming, Steve doesn’t sweat the small stuff, not anymore. And Eddie is one hundred percent down for that.

"Speedos aren’t exactly casual pool wear, regardless of what you might think, Harrington,” Eddie adds.

“Sure they are,” Steve answers, waving his hand over his lap.

Eddie looks over at Steve, and lowers his sunglasses down his nose. Steve's wearing a tiny, all-white Speedo that Eddie can't look away from. It was a purposeful choice, Eddie is well aware. 

Steve's baiting him. 

And the white makes it basically see through. It’s nearly obscene and Eddie knows damn good and well Steve wore it on purpose, knowing he’d either sweat through it, and make it see through, or end up in the pool…and make it see through. 

Eddie knows this game well and it sadly always, always works on him. He's an easy mark. Always has been when it comes to Steve Harrington.

Eddie pushes his glasses back up on his face.

“You're right, the Federation should have forgotten all about the tech suits and went back to those," Eddie says, licking his lips, wetting them. Two can play at this game.

There’s a sweat drop clinging to the end of Steve’s nose and Eddie reaches over to catch it with his thumb. Raking his eyes all over Steve.

"Is this seriously turning you on?" Steve asks, lifting an eyebrow. "I'm basically wearing an old work uniform."

Eddie just nods, looking at every inch of Steve's body. Still toned, but already going slightly softer in places. Not to mention all the body hair. Steve's hairy, when the fuck did that happen? After only knowing him as the shaved and waxed swimmer, this has been a fucking revelation of a magnitude Eddie can't even put into words. 

Steve's a man. No longer the kid he was when they met, a million years and a million miles away from here.

"You're staring," Steve says, teasing him, and Eddie just nods. He's definitely staring and he'll do it some more. 

Steve smiles and sets his magazine down and crawls over onto Eddie’s lounger, straddling Eddie’s thighs. It creaks and shifts under them, and Eddie holds his breath, and prepares for the little metal legs to collapse. It doesn't, miraculously, and Steve takes Eddie's stillness for an opportunity to lean in and bite at Eddie’s bottom lip before Eddie can, well, give him any more lip. Eddie groans a little at the feeling, hands settling on Steve’s hips. Steve deepens the kiss and runs his fingers through Eddie’s sweat-damp hair.

When they finally break apart, Steve is even slicker with sweat than he was before, but he just grins down at Eddie.

“Let’s go in,” Eddie urges, thumbs tracing lazy circles on Steve’s exposed hip bones. Running his thumb over Steve's Olympic rings tattoo that's just barely peeking over the top of the tiny Speedo. 

Steve took Eddie to get his own rings tattoo after his first Olympics, and Eddie took Gareth after his. It's a sacred tradition. 

Eddie presses his thumb into the slightly faded ink, then dips it lower, stroking until he feels coarse hair under his thumb. Then, he's sliding his other hand up and down Steve's hairy thigh. More hair. Hair for days.

In fact, Steve’s chest hair is damp and right in Eddie’s face. It’s driving him a little wild. Steve spent so many years shaved, that this has been a goddamn turn on. Eddie leans forward and buries his face in Steve's chest.

Steve just laughs, and pushes Eddie back down, nipping at Eddie’s neck playfully, “S’good out here.”

“Think of the air conditioning. And the big, big bed.”

“This is bed-like,” Steve insists, reaching over and hitting the lever sending the chaise flat. The unsteady metal legs wobble comically and Eddie laughs as Steve topples over on top of him ungracefully. It's a nice change of pace, since Eddie often feels like he's the ungraceful one nearly everywhere but in the water. Always one wrong move from a trip to the E.R., while Steve stands by, shaking his head. 

Eddie’s fairly certain this flimsy-ass chair can't hold their combined weight indefinitely, even without Steve trying to fuck him through it. But he still runs his fingers through Steve’s hair, pulling him closer, encouraging him. 

He'll ride this train into the ground, without question. 

Steve closes his eyes, and grinds down against him.

Eddie grips Steve’s hips, resting his fingers against Steve’s ass, cupping him through the Speedo. When he squeezes his fingers underneath the tight material, Steve opens his eyes to meet Eddie’s, and Eddie just raises an eyebrow, questioning.

“By all means,” Steve answers, lifting up enough for them to work together to get it shimmed off his ass.

It isn’t easy. Removing a wet Speedo never is, and Steve’s wallering him in the process. Eddie almost takes a knee to the nuts, but they finally get it peeled off Steve's hips and tossed onto the ground. 

Steve unties Eddie’s trunks and pulls the Velcro closure apart loudly. He snakes his hand inside and closes his fist around him, and Eddie can’t help but buck up into the tight grip. 

“Fuck, Steve,” Eddie pants, leaning back further, enjoying the feeling.

Steve smiles and leans forward, chasing him, licking a path of sweat off of Eddie’s chest. It makes Eddie shiver unexpectedly and he can’t stop himself from tangling his hand in Steve’s hair. Urging him lower. Steve takes the hint. He always does.

He pushes apart Eddie's trunks, getting himself better access, and Eddie lifts up, to let him tug them down a little further, but not all the way off. 

Eddie groans when Steve’s mouth makes contact with his dick.

He rests his hand on Steve's head, feeling every movement from above and below. Steve's a gold medal cocksucker, that's for goddamn sure. 

"That's good, sweetheart," Eddie says, and Steve hums in acknowledgement, head moving up and down, hand doing the rest of the work in tandem. 

Eddie slides his hand down to Steve's face, pressing his palm to his stubbly cheek, and Steve changes the angle, so the head of Eddie's dick now hits the inside of his cheek with every bob of his head, bumping against Eddie's palm.

Steve's teasing him, playing with him, but it's fucking hot. 

So hot, and it's all Eddie can take, honestly, and he arches his hips off the chair, coming. 

Steve pulls off, and makes eye contact as he swipes his tongue around his mouth, gathering up Eddie's come on his tongue, which he shows Eddie, before swallowing.

"You're gonna kill me," Eddie says, as he moves to wrap his hand around Steve's hard dick, but Steve holds up one finger, wagging it at him. 

And then he slides fully on top of Eddie, and ruts into his hip. Using Eddie to get himself off.

Jesus H. Christ. 

Retired Steve is his favorite version, so far. Even more than top of the podium Steve. Or secret locker room blowjob Steve.

This version? His to keep? This is the one. 

Steve's breathing heavy into Eddie's ear, hot puffs of air and soft moans that make Eddie wish he could get hard again right now. Eddie digs his fingers into Steve's slick back, just along for the ride. Getting to enjoy the sights and sounds of Steve working hard. Breath catching with exertion. 

It's so familiar, and yet, brand new.

Steve lets out a groan in Eddie's ear, and then comes inside Eddie's shorts, and that's a new feat, for sure. 

Steve clearly doesn't give a fuck if he glues himself to Eddie's pubic hair, as he lays down on Eddie fully. Naked, sated and happy. This is the kind of hot Eddie isn't going to complain about. 

He almost says so, when he feels the whoosh of air blow past his arm before there’s a splash in the pool. He freezes. He doesn’t dare open his eyes, even if he’s certain it’s only Gareth. Maybe Robin, if he's really unlucky.

Steve's house has a revolving door. You never know who's gonna show up, unannounced.

And Eddie can't help it, he flushes even further, cheeks red and hot, totally embarrassed. 

When Eddie finally cracks an eye open, he laughs when he sees Gareth standing in the pool, right at the edge. Arms folded, head resting on them. Staring right at Eddie. Gareth has no shame and doesn’t get embarrassed easily, if ever. 

Just like Steve, honestly.

How he's surrounded himself with these two, he's not exactly sure.

"Whatcha guys been doin'?" Gareth drawls out, like he can't see Steve's bare ass in his face and know exactly what they were doing. 

Gareth's caught them fucking in several countries at this point. This is nothing. It's not even in the top ten most compromising positions he's seen them in. But still. Eddie could do without it, for sure.

Gareth's dog, Bonzo, is prancing around poolside, barking and jumping, just as hyper as his owner.

Steve just shakes his head, leaning over and picking up his discarded Speedo and walks back towards the house, like it’s no big deal to be walking around the backyard, totally naked. It's nothing Gareth hasn't seen before, to be certain. They've all spent far too many years together, in far too many locker rooms. 

Still, Eddie lifts his hips, and gets his trunks back up and securely fastened. He’s not about to get caught naked if he can help it. Unlike Steve, he does have some shame, and doesn’t exactly desire his junk getting featured on TMZ.

Some days, Eddie thinks Steve's just daring them to run dick pics of him. Probably because he knows what he's packing, and nobody in their right mind is gonna give his dick bad press. 

Definitely not Eddie. No way.

Eddie is about to get up, when Bonzo seizes the opportunity for the freed up premium seating, and jumps up onto Eddie’s lap.

Eddie hears the chair give way before he feels it. Soon enough they’re both falling to the ground. It’s a short fall, but Eddie still scrapes his elbow on the concrete and Bonzo shoots him daggers as if this whole mess was Eddie's fault, as the dog darts away from the scene of the crime, and towards the house, trying to catch up with Steve.

Steve clearly saw it happen, and he’s doubled over laughing near the sliding glass doors, still naked, and Eddie really doesn’t find it all that funny. 

“Fuck you, asshole, that hurt!” Eddie yells across the yard as he awkwardly untangles himself from the wreckage. Steve just laughs harder, and as much as Eddie wants to, it’s hard for him to stay mad at Steve.

Eddie gets up and surveys the collapsed heap of vinyl and aluminum. It looks like it's a total loss, and that does make Eddie smile, fully thankful that the chair from hell finally met its overdue end.

He jogs to catch up with Steve, hoping to slide in the shower with him, where Steve will kiss his wounded pride all better, and maybe go for round two. 

Notes: Song is Permanent 99 by Christian Kane. It's not on Spotify, or I'd just embed it. Gareth's dog is Bonzo, after John Bonham. Because I still like to think he's a drummer in this world, and that still plays with Eddie here, too. They just took their focus elsewhere.

This is the kind of chair I'm talking about, which they're still making apparently?! I had no idea.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddiemas and follow along!

If you want to see more of my entries from this challenge, they are in my tag right here!

[twothpaste]

Y'ever think of what Aloysius and Lardna are like in Intermission? Yeah, they both suck, but they are both crucial to Porky's character, so they remain unavoidable. (You can pick Ness's parents or Paula's or even Pu's who have to exist but are never seen if you prefer tho :] ) They'd all be interesting, but you most certainly do not have to talk about them all now!

Oh, my friend, ask and you shall receive. I'll cover all of 'em.

Aloysius is a conservative sleazeball banker. Probably just about the worst guy ever. Divorced Lardna when Porky was 13, but the kids were still compelled to see & visit him periodically. He's been an unrepentant abusive parent since day 1. Picky avoids him like the plague. Porky absolutely despises him - all the while unwittingly regurgitating his beliefs and behaviors. There's this whole dynamic where Aloysius was smothering Porky in cash and expensive gifts (Mercedez Benz baybeeee) when he first started college. But then Porky's excessive demands and (admittedly reasonable) lack of gratitude got on the big man's nerves. The uh. Airbnb Incident. Was the straw that broke the camel's back. Aloysius cut him off financially, leaving Porky to come cryin' to Lardna for help.

Lardna's almost as awful, reigned in only by her wet blanket second husband, what'shisname Prettyman (one of the funniest Earthbound npcs I think). The kind of mom who's always got something to nitpick or chastise about, sometimes uproariously, with not a damn thing nice to say. Her fights with Aloysius persist years after the divorce, much to everyone's displeasure. She cuts Porky off, too. Big surprise. There's an awkward period where Porky tries to get Picky to be the middleman between them, but even Picky's had enough by that point. Poor Pete hangs in there, stuck living with Lardna 'til he graduates high school. After that he moves out, with intent never to return.

There's kiiind of this sad dynamic with the Minches, where like? Peter (Picky) is the only decent person here. And for a while he tries his darnedest to hold his splintering family together. And he gets nothing in return for it, not even from Lardna. I think he was closest with her, but even she becomes a lost cause, taking her frustrations out on him in Patrick n' Aloysius' absence. The bravest thing this kid ever does is tell her off and leave, on his own initiative. If they ever make any effort to patch things up, it'll have to start with an apology from Lardna. Miracles do happen, Pete supposes, but he's not holdin' his breath.

Anyways. On the absolute opposite end of the spectrum, Ness' mom is very sweet and silly. I named her Kathleen, Kathy for short. She loves kids, was always welcoming Ness' n' Tracy's friends for sleepovers, adores and dotes on every single one of his buddies. She's known Picky, Paula, Jeff, and Poo for years - she's practically like an extra parent to them. Her instinct to mother Lucas n' Claus is immense. Ness thinks it's a little embarrassing, Tracy thinks it's Very Embarrassing, but what can ya do. She's got a sad little empty nest thing goin' on, as Tracy gets ready to leave for college too. Even though Ness is going to school like, within 30 minutes of her house, and visits often. Maybe she'll get a cat. Or a girlfriend.

Mr. Kimura is as absent and busy as he always was in EarthBound, but also just as fond of frequent phone calls. Ness inherited from him a love of baseball, classic rock, old video games, and road trips. His car's also a hand-me-down from Dad. I don't think he's obscenely rich enough to be depositing hundred thousand dollar checks into his kids' bank accounts on the daily, but he makes plenty to help 'em with young adult expenses like college and rental deposits. He's a funny, laidback, good-humored guy. Kind of a calming counterbalance to Mom's pent-up energy.

Ness' folks got divorced when he was like, fifteen or sixteen. It was all on civil & amicable terms - mom could hardly stand dad's perpetual work trips, dad thought that was fair. Tracy was more shaken up about it than Ness, bein' younger than him. And since she's such good friends with Picky, she had a pretty nasty impression of What Happens To Families After Divorce. Thankfully, the Kimuras ended up going about it quite smoothly.

I wrote a lot about Paula's folks [here]. Her relationship with her neurotically tyrannical mom n' her poor ineffectual dumpling dad makes me ache so much. 🥲

Poo Rana is the so-called "Prince" of the Kansas State Senate, because his Mom's a revered Kansas State Senator. His dad's in politics too, though not quite as prolific. He grew up rich and esteemed, smothered in extracurricular activities and accolades, prepared at every stage to follow in his folks' footsteps. Then, as a teenager, he realized he doesn't want anything to do with any of that actually. So there's this weird tension between him and his mom. 'Cause he loves his family dearly, and doesn't wanna let them down. But he's a free spirit at heart, he can't give up his whole life on the altar of "royal" expectations. There's this bit during his senior year of college, where his mom's running for a spot on the U.S. Senate, and she's tryin' to rope him into helping with her campaign. While Poo rebelliously sneaks out of fancy dinners and plays D&D with his friends. He and Paula share a lot of solidarity, both bein' stifled by their overbearing moms. He's honestly got it a bit better than her, though. Senator Rana may be intense, but she's not petty or underhanded in the slightest. One of these days Poo will convince her he really is better off living his dreams as n anthropologist metalhead tabletop nerd, and one of these days she'll listen.