#it was really cool to see all the characters!! i wanted to draw a lot more people but i just could Not look at my screen that much sadly
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Hello!!! I love your art and your style. I'd love to hear your inspirations behind how you draw and, in addition, hear a bit about your painting process (I love the impressionistic look your paintings have)
ahh!!! thank you so much ;u;
Ill tried my best to break down my thought process behind my drawing, so i hope this all makes sense aahaha
undercut cause it came out real long
SO Karl Gnass is an instructor that i took an anatomy class with. and who broke down anatomy in a way that really helped me grasp space. like space a figure occupies. and from that i think my characters feel a bit more...grounded? im not sure what the right word would be but tangible is something people sometimes say about my art.
And i do think when youre able to make a figure look like its really wrapping its hands around something it makes character interactions a lot more intimate.
heres a few under sketches i do when i start a drawing (i am trying REALLY hard not to use my nsfw ones tho those are pretty perfect when it comes to showing u anatomy RIP)
after i got the poses done ill turn down the opacity and rough sketch out details on top of these. and once THATS done i move onto lineart. and the most important aspect of this step is NOT TO TRACE YOUR UNDER DRAWING!!!! thats what sucks the life out of your work!!!!
instead you use your undersketch as a guide. ilI actually redraw the simple anatomy underneath very lightly, erase where they over lap and then add line weight variety + darken up the details.
examples of this are gonna look a little messy but. Left is the original pose i drew out with rough details. right is the drawing i do on top of it. you'll see theyre not one to one and theres some lines i didnt fully erase out when redoing the anatomy. i find my clean up has a lot more energy when i do this.
the thing about my style is that you'll notice i never actually do actual clean smooth lineart. and thats because i HATE DOING THAT SHIT. like i did learn how to do it and consistently forced myself to do it for over a year. and while i do think i learned a lot about line weight and drawing clearer. i realized? its just not for me. I like a textured brush and i like being able to see those small lines i didnt get to fully erase out because i think they look cool lol and thats ok!! do what you want forever man!!! its your art!!!
Also before i move onto painting ill show you this neat little trick. you know those more "loose" drawings of mine that feel more gestural? the begining process is exactly the same. the difference is i use a chunkier pen and try to see how much i can simplify details + just feel out the energy of lines
NOW PAINTING.
man. where to even start.
the thing about painting is that its an entire different set of skills that need to each be honed on their own and will slowly build up together. ill break it down like this.
VALUE, COLOR, and TECHNIQUE
I've said this on another ask before but you'll notice ill do a lot of black and white sketches. and i do that to practice choosing how to group values.
like this example. how light is laios' wolf coat compared to his skin? or kabrus skin color compard to laios coat. when do you want to really push the contrast of light and dark and when do you let values be closer to each other when you DONT want attention
the next step from this is adding a light source.
and when you're working in black and white its a lot easier to pay more attention where you want your light/how its gonna look like hitting youre characters and how far youre gonna push your shadows.
and you know if you get good at this you can play with limited color palletes
this is literally just be picking out blues and hitting the bottom with the gradient tool to light it up
NOW COLOR
is a lot harder and also very subjective. I do a ton of impressionist studies where i just color pick the fuck out of a piece to see what colors masters used + knowing the history of paint and what colors were available during that time period. +knowing what colors = what mood + knowing what colors to use when you want to be more realistic vs when you want to lean into more stylized+ what colors YOU specially incline towards + AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
its a lot and im actually still learning myself
But when i do a painting i collect a LOT of refrences of the kind of mood i want my own painting to feeling like. I've show the first example in another ask before but heres one from my latest labru too
WHen i actually start a painting tho they look like this. The top drawings are just flat colors with a simple outline of where i want the light to be hitting. like in my value studies im just trying to get the idea down, seeing what values need to be darker vs what is lighter. and how the light source covers the character.
figuring this out in the begining makes the rest of the painting so much easier because youve essentially made all the big compostion decisions NOW. from here you can start playing with colors.
my second stage, youll see with drawings at the bottom, is when i start using my texture brush to lay in extra shadows and just play with variety.
and then? i start rendering
that would be TECHNIQUE
And well....thats also something thats gonna be very subjective.
With my own style im not interested in rendering everything to perfection. Im trying to figure out how to texture hair/skin/clothes in ways that make them feel like the materials they are while also showing the energy of my brushstrokes.
I dont zoom in while i paint btw. everything i do is zoomed out so i can see the entire drawing. it helps me not tight up my strokes while also letting me build up all areas of the painting equally. the only time i zoom in is when im lining out the eyes/mouth of a character. and yeah. it drives me insane doing this because ITS SOOOOO Tempting to obsess over paint 1 area forever then zoom out and see that nothing matches lol
The other thing about my style of painting. Is that im not gonna use the exact same formula for every piece. like this isnt cell shading. you can have an idea of how to texture skin/clothes/hair and sometimes it looks great and beautiful in one painting and then it looks like shit in another. ive overhauled a lot of paintings multiple times because what i thought would work doesnt and ive had to force myself to explore and play with my brushstrokes. and you know? i wouldnt have it any other way. it means none of my paintings are gonna look alike! and i think thats pretty cool :D
ill leave you with this in the end. a painting im in the middle of doing and debating to overhaul cause im just not feeling the strokes. who knows what ill look like in the end
anyways i hope this helped a little? even if you look at all this and go. IM NEVER GONNA DRAW LIKE THIS BOZO ahahah
BUT I WISH YOU LUCK ON YOUR OWN ARTS :DDDD
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all 50 of those Honest fave character prompts for Sephiroth
( @izunias-meme-hole )
........*cracks knuckles* OKAY.
1. Do you project onto this character?
All the time, every day. Like Sephiroth, I can often be avoidant, depressed, and overly attached to my loved ones. The struggle is real lmao
2. Did you always like this character?
Before falling into fandom hell, I didn't really notice him much other than Kingdom Hearts stuff. Or the occasional thirst post online.
3. What first drew you to this character?
Crisis Core making him a sad soft baby that everyone is mean to lmao
4. Did you initially dislike/hate this character?
No. I always thought he had a cool design and a badass voice.
5. If this character were a woman, would you honestly still like them? Or in reverse, what if they were a man?
Of course! Sephiroth is a fascinating character regardless. His backstory is very unique and I don't think that would change.
6. Do you have any nicknames or pet names you use for this character?
I mostly just call him Seph. Sometimes Kittyroth. Sometimes "Mr. Compassion" whenever I'm being sarcastic about him. And sometimes just SMUGFUCK because that's what he is.
7. Does the character’s age matter to you?
Nah. Like I said, he's a fascinating character regardless.
8. Does the character’s looks/design matter to you?
I feel like there are certain aspects of his character that you NEED to keep in--his catlike pupils, silver hair, etc. They are plot-related indicators of his heritage and genetics. Thirstposts aside, they are reminder that he is a lab-grown monster with alien blood running through his veins.
9. Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?
Not really. Seph is pretty unique. And honestly I'd rather not know someone like him irl lolol
10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?
Physically? Hell no. Emotionally? Sometimes. But that's on rare occasions where we can actually tell what he's thinking and feeling.
11. How did you “fall in love” with this character?
Watching Crisis Core cutscenes one rainy night in 2021.
12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?
AU Redemption arc trilogy in which Zack and Aerith save Sephiroth from himself and he dismantles Shinra to become the planet's hero.
13. If you could draw effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what scene (s) would you draw for this character?
I'd really like to illustrate a lot of fic scenes. Especially the trippier Jenova-focused ones.
14. Are you physically attracted to this character?
...Yeah lmao But I don't ship myself or my self-insert with him because NO lolol I think he's aesthetically pleasing but I don't associate myself with him in any romantic sense. That's just weird to me.
15. Are your thoughts surrounding this character usually sexual, non-sexual, or a mix of both?
Non-sexual. I'm more interested in his character progression/fall into villainy. Like yeah he's attractive and there are some seductive aspects of his personality. But he's just more interesting to dissect as a villain.
16. Have you ever cried when thinking about this character? Genuinely?
Several times lolol usually after First Soldier updates.
17. Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache).
Miiiight have happened once in dms with other fans (thanks @heraldofcrow)
18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?
SUFFER. SUFFERRRRRRR 😈NO COMFORT FOR YOU ALL IS PAIN AND ANGUISH.
19. Does this character serve as a stress ball/ security blanket for you? Something you run to after a bad day to feel safe or happier?
Oh totally. All the time. Imagine cute aggression but it's more angsty lol Angst aggression.
20. Do you feel affectionate towards this character?
For Sane!Sephiroth, yes. Very much so. Not so much after Nibelheim. Then he's just an evil little shit who needs to get clowned by Cloud again.
21. Are your feelings about this character platonic, romantic, or familial? All of these feelings at once maybe?
Platonic-familial. He's my precious baby boy. Who I have to hurt. LET ME HURT HIM.
22. Do you think you will always love this character?
I hope so! Assuming Square doesn't do something stupid.
23. Has this character permanently altered or impacted your psyche in a way you won’t forget?
I'm HERE. lmao There's your evidence.
24. Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.
I never have dreams about him and it makes me SO MAD SZDFGHFDSA EVERYONE ELSE GETS BLORBO DREAMS EXCEPT FOR ME.
25. What kind of fan-fiction do you read about this character? If you don’t read fan-fics about them, why not?
I mostly like character studies. Or slow-burn AU fics with him. I'm currently reading The Fear of Falling Stars and it's sooooo good.
26. If you look for this character’s name on AO3, what tags are you including or excluding?
It really depends on the fic tbh.
27. Do you like to ship this character with other characters or do you prefer not to?
I SHIP HIM WITH EVERYONE *feral noises*
28. Do you get defensive about this character? If yes, then why?
Only in select instances. I don't like the dudebro logic of "well Sephiroth was always arrogant/evil even before Nibelheim and he can't be vulnerable or sensitive because that's not badass" because those are fundamentally not true. And an extreme disservice to his writing.
29. Do you affectionately bully this character?
😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
30. Are you especially sensitive about this character?
He makes me sad. His story is heartbreaking.
31. Are you ashamed of liking this character?
Nope. Not at all.
32. If you could make this character a meal, what would you make them?
Pumpkin soup, of course!
33. Are you “blinded by love” for this character or do you accept any flaws they may have?
Oh not at all. I have said many many times and will keep saying that Sephiroth does not deserve a happy ending after everything he's done. He deserves to be destroyed for good. He's NOT a good guy, not any more at least. He's caused so much damage in so many horrible ways. There's no going back from that. I love the guy and I feel for him. But that's still no excuse for what he did.
34. Does this character inspire you with little things in your daily life?
Uhhhh no.
35. Has this character ever prevented you from sleeping because you can’t stop thinking about them?
@ me whenever First Soldier updates.
36. Do you feel a spiritual/soulmate connection with this character?
Idk. Probably not. He's my angsty trauma son. But I wouldn't go THAT far lol
37. Is your love for this character a secret from people you know in real life?
Nope. I will literally never shut up about Sephiroth to family or friends lololol
38. Do you tend to joke more about dying or killing for this character? Both? What causes the distinction?
NO because Sephiroth is a villain and the goal is to not become like him lolol
39. Do you feel lovesick over this character?
Nope. He just makes me casually distraught.
40. Are you very empathetic towards this character? When they feel a certain way in the story, do you feel those emotions too?
Very much so. Like I said before, his story is heartbreaking. I've ugly cried about him so many times in the past.
41. Do you prefer to interact with this character directly via self-insert/reader type content? Or do you enjoy seeing them mostly with other characters in the story and/or your OCs?
Other than background OCs, no. I prefer mostly just his relationship with canon characters.
42. If you could, would you write this character a song or poem?
It'd be cool to do something creepy with his relationship with Jenova...
43. What type of weather makes you think of this character?
Rainy days. Because he's depressing.
44. Which season makes you think of this character?
Fall.
45. Do you feel as if you are intimately familiar with this character?
At this point, I'd really like to hope so. They have certainly added a lot of new stuff that feels on point with my previous ideas for him. But I'm open to new stuff too!
46. How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?
It really depends on how they characterize him as a person before Nibelheim. I don't really like how people sometimes equate his evil/smug/arrogant post-Nibelheim personality with his CC-era one. They're really completely different.
47. Does this character ever make you laugh sincerely?
He made some the FUNNIEST goddamn faces in Rebirth, just sayin'.
48. What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?
R trilogy has the best overall design. Hair, eyes, and the sheer SIZE of him. All perfect.
49. What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?
Sane!Seph: His love for his friends
Insane!Seph: Him being a huge petty dick just for the sake of it
50. Link your fav song, playlist, aesthetic board, fan-fiction, reference pile, personal artwork, analysis post, meme, headcanon, or quote for this character. Whichever one (s) you are most comfortable with!
UHHHHHHHHHHH I'm just going to cheat and say THIS ENTIRE COMMUNITY because Seph-fans are BEST fans and we get along and get shit done. Best content. Best fandom space. No in-fighting or drama on his character. We're ALL peak 😎
#asks#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy 7#sephcanons#crisis core#sephiroth#final fantasy vii#ffvii first soldier#first soldier#ever crisis#ffvii ever crisis#ff7ec#young sephiroth
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Hm. Okay. So I didn't read a lot this last month. I've been fighting chronic illness and the brain fog that comes with it so really it's a miracle I read what I did. Didn't do any drawing challenge this year, but I DID knit a half dozen cool little things I can't yet share but am very excited about! I also had fun with the Tricking Treats this year. Yall really came through for that game this year, thanks! Acquired a nice new monitor for computer and it's been wonderful. Next step is speakers so I can watch things!
I feel like I made a pretty decent dent in my yearly reading list and while I don't think I'll finish it (waitlist for Jasmine Throne audio is still about sixteen weeks long), I'm happy with where I am. Three (3!!) books I read this month were from the list and I think that's very cool and executive functioning of me.
In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan ⭐⭐⭐½ - A friend has been trying to get me to read this since it came out and I've always put it off because our tastes are SO different, but I didn't hate this! I mostly enjoyed it! It missed a few marks for me and I wouldn't really want to read it again, but I'm glad I experienced it. Love a good gremlin of a main character.
Red Sister by Mark Lawrence ⭐ - Yawn. Snore. Boring. Read for book club, but I wasn't exactly not interested in it on my own. IT just. Didn't hit right. Mark Lawrence needs to stop being afraid of aging up his characters because there is no way a nine year old is doing all that. Was this scifi? Where those space ships?? Is the moon haunted??? Who knows. Who cares. Not I.
Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I am forever a Daughter of Smoke and Bone girlie (gender neutral) so I've been avoiding this because what if I don't like it?? Spoiler! I did like it! It somehow scratched the hole left in my heart after DoSaB, but still felt distinct and unique. Did not like the insta love going on, yall have known each other for like twelve hours what do you mean you're In Love. Visuals were great and world building stunning as always. I wish Laini Taylor published more books, I love the worlds she creates.
Once & Future by AR Capetta and Cory McCarthy ⭐ - I'm never reading another book with Jimmy Pees name on it ever again. I meant to do a full review on this one, but time slipped away. I think this could be SO GOOD if it was reworked to two books where book one stopped at the time skip and book two took more time to overthrow the Evil Capitalist. It was too on the nose. It felt like middle grade, it dealt with older young adult topics. Merlin fucking sucked. I find it icky that everyone was paired off except for the ace character who EVERYONE HATED. Sure they came around to her, but ONLY AFTER IT WAS MADE CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTO GWEN. Ick. Full of potential, and yet.
Not a great reading month. Maybe November will be kinder. I'm slowly getting through Sunbringer, and am enjoying what I'm read so far so things are looking up. Going to see Nerd Squad soon. Still making knitted things I can't share until after the holidays. Tricking Treats also made me excited to do art again and because there were so many I ended up learning a lot about how CSP works which is fun! So hey! November is looking good! November is looking fun! I WILL MAKE IT FUN!
#bookbird babbles#reading wrap up#monthly wrap up#october wrap up#books#booklr#my health has Not Been Good yall lmaaoooo#i hate insurance its such a scam#just give me my meds!!!!!!!!!!!! the dr prescribed them for a reason!!!!!!! who are you to say its unnecessary!#also disability took away 100$ every month because 'my income changed' but the only income i have is their payments so like.#lol. lmao even.#idk its a mess over here but i refuse to die about it
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also on ao3
(cw: tics, bullying)
Eddie started shivering in seventh grade.
Even when it was hot, even when he was sweating and desperately wanted a non-rattly fan or a better air conditioner. They weren't normal shivers. He wasn't cold. But his shoulders would jerk or shake, or he would tremble for a second, and he didn't know what else it could have been. Others didn't question it for a while, because it started in October. Everyone was shivering. But by March, it hadn't stopped, and he had to explain himself when people gave him questioning looks or asked if he was okay. (Back when people cared.)
'S just a shiver, I'm fine.
He wasn't fine. It got worse over time. He got used to it, to the weird feeling that took over his body for a few seconds, got used to telling people he was cold, joking that he must be low on vitamins or iron, joking that in the future, someone is walking over his grave. But other people didn't get used to it. They thought he was weird. That was fine with him. Wayne realised something was wrong before Eddie started the tenth grade, because he wasn't just shivering anymore. His whole body was jerking sharply, suddenly, his shoulders drawing up, fists clenching. Eddie didn't question it. Wayne did.
It wasn't normal. But nothing about Eddie was normal. Wayne took him to see a doctor. The doctor make him do things, walk in a line, hold his arms out and push the doctor's hands away as hard as he could, follow a flashlight with his eyes without moving his head. It was all weird. It kind of scared Eddie. The doctor kept writing things in a notebook, and Eddie couldn't tell if he was doing well or not. But Wayne was there, watching and listening intently.
The doctor said he had tics. It sounded funny to Eddie, but then it wasn't funny, because the doctor didn't give him anything for it. He just said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. His brain just worked a little differently. (Which Eddie was already used to hearing.) That his tics could get better or go away as he got older, or they could get worse.
They got worse.
By the end of that summer, his arms were moving, flying over his head suddenly, randomly, and his head was jerking back so sharply it hurt. Wayne was worried about him getting whiplash. Eddie was worried about going to school.
That year, he became the freak.
At first, he tried to explain it to people. The movements were involuntary, he couldn't control them. Wayne contacted all his teachers, who mostly got it, but still preferred to make him sit in the hallway so he didn't distract the class. But the other students thought he was possessed, faking it for attention, and everything in between. They'd throw things at him, and complain to the teachers that he was distracting even when he wasn't moving, just to get him out of the room. They would mimic him, make fun of him, and by September, he learned that the tics get worse when he's upset. He could hear them all snickering and giggling as he shoved his hands under his legs and tucked his chin to his chest or held his shirt over his face, as he held his limbs tense so they wouldn't move, so tense he was exhausted and sore all the time, and then he'd go home and cry because he couldn't control his own body.
He'd have to sit on the sofa so when his head threw itself back, it would hit the back of the sofa instead of the wall, and Wayne would just wait, watching with that fucking sadness in his eyes that made Eddie ache even more. When it finally stopped, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes after an hour or two, he was so exhausted he'd fall asleep right there on the sofa. He couldn't do his homework. His grades dropped even more, but he managed to keep himself afloat. He did the best he could, doing his homework early in the morning before school or in detention. (Some of his teachers thought he was faking. Mr Peterson was in charge of detention, and he was nice. Considerate. Eddie counted him as one of his few blessings.)
His tics got worse.
In December of his junior year, he started making noises. Short screams, grunts, quiet vocalizations. It scared him. He didn't want to go back to school, but he did. The laughter around him got louder, and he was sent out to the hallways more. He started skipping classes. He knew he'd be forced to leave anyway. So he'd sit in the boys' room, on top of a lidded toiler, his feet up on the stall door, and he'd leave cigarette burns on the walls.
Not everyone was awful. Some kids were just curious about him, asked why he acted the way he did, and he did his best to calmly explain it all. I can't help it, actually. It's just my brain works different. That turned into Eddie's brain's fucked. It's broken. He's a fucking--
So he used it. Eddie the Freak. Attention-seeking, desperate for people to notice him. So he started making devil horns, yelling from tabletops, making himself The Freak so no one could use it against him.
No one, not even Wayne, saw him cry at night, because the attention he got was never the attention he wanted. Because he was tired. So fucking tired. His limbs were sore and his voice was rough, and his neck hurt, and he was sick of being laughed at. But that was all he got.
He kept counting his blessings. Mr Peterson, who never minded Eddie's noises or the way his fists would bang against the table loudly in the silent room, who scolded the other detention-goers when they tried to tease. The Hellfire guys, who got used to his tics fairly quickly, and knew when to pause whatever they were doing if Eddie couldn't hear them over a scream or was distracted by his own body. That nice girl, Chrissy Cunningham, who would slip notes from the classes he missed or skipped into his locker or backpack with sweet smiles. (If Eddie wasn't gay, he would have fallen in love with her.) The other few students that ignored him when his tics acted up, just glancing and moving on. Wayne, bless his soul, who would come to the school to confront Eddie's teachers and complain to the principal about Eddie being mistreated by the staff.
And, oddly enough, Steve Harrington.
Eddie never saw it coming. It was a particularly bad day. He was at his locker, trying to line his books up, but a tic threw his hands up, and some books fell from his locker to the floor. He watched helplessly as papers scattered across the floor, as most students stepped around them, ignoring them, as some jocks trampled over them, over Chrissy's neat handwriting, his fists clenched at his sides. When they passed, he kneeled, picking up the books, and when he looked up, Steve Harrington was kneeling too, gathering the crumpled papers and carefully straightening them out.
He gave them to Eddie with a smile, and Eddie thought he might be dying, in some weird, upside-down dimension where Steve Harrington smiles at Eddie Munson. Eddie took them hesitantly, said thank you, and then he hit him.
He was mortified, almost dropping the papers again, jumping back as his whole body flushed with heat, staring at Steve's shoulder where his hand had just landed heavily, and he burst with a Fuck, I'm so sorry, oh my god--
But Steve had just laughed. Amazingly, it was a kind laugh, with sparkling eyes, and soft cheeks, and he said It's okay.
And then he was gone. Down the hall, after his friends, and Eddie realised his hands were trembling.
Steve kept smiling at him. Even when his friends were making fun of Eddie's Satanic cult, and of the way he couldn't keep still, and of his sad, broken brain. Even when Eddie's brain made him flip Steve off across the cafeteria, Steve saw how Eddie pulled his hand down sharply, and Steve just... laughed. Eddie fell in love with his laugh. It was kind, and it made Eddie feel better, even when he wanted to cry.
Steve graduated the next year. But he didn't leave Eddie alone. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about him, and his kind laugh, and his pretty eyes, and then the sheep Eddie adopted told him all about how cool and brave Steve was, and Eddie fell harder without even seeing him.
The world went to shit. But Eddie got to see Steve again.
Steve was still kind, even though the world was ending, and even during serious discussions, plan-making, how-to-save-the-world conversations, Eddie's tics kept going. His body jerked and shivered, and his head threw back, and his fists hit his own chest and shoulders, and he had to sit down. And Eddie found out that there are more kind people than he thought. When his tics slowed, Nancy wordlessly got him an ice pack to hold to his chest, and when he flung it across the room, Robin caught it with a casual oops, and brought it back to him. No one questioned him, or stared, or laughed, even though he knew how annoying he was.
When he woke up in the hospital, he hurt so badly he couldn't move. He just cried. Steve sat by his bed and held onto his hand. He was crying too. When Eddie stopped crying, Steve carefully slid his rings, clean of blood, onto his fingers.
This one goes here, right?
Yeah.
On the second day, his brain didn't care that he hurt. As Steve was telling him about what was going on with the others (Max was staying with the Sinclairs, Dustin's leg was almost healed), Eddie's hand smacked him across the face sharply, the sting of his rings bringing tears to his eyes before he even processed what happened. Steve wordlessly crawled onto the bed, carefully pulled Eddie against himself, and set a pillow over Eddie's lap for when his fists started hitting his legs. He'd just murmured those words, the first words he'd said to Eddie years ago.
It's okay. It's okay.
And he waited until Eddie's body fell lax against him before he carefully found Eddie's hand, laced their fingers, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
Eddie was released from the hospital a few weeks later. He stayed in the Wheelers' basement for a few days until Steve's parents left town, for good this time, and then he moved into the Harrington house.
He likes it there. Steve is still kind. Always. He lets Eddie lay his head in his lap when his body hurts or won't stop moving, and he drags his fingers through his hair or holds a joint to his lips for him, and he smiles. (Eddie would go through the end of the world all over again for that smile.) When Eddie's head hits the wall while they're in the waiting room of the hospital for a checkup, Steve just shifts to face him and holds a hand up to the back of his head so his hand hits the wall instead, saying quietly that Eddie isn't allowed to beat his record number of concussions. He drives Eddie to Wayne's even though Eddie doesn't tic when he drives except for a few facial or vocal ones.
When Eddie whistles one night, Steve just smiles at him and says Was that a tic or are you hitting on me? and Eddie freezes, his face burning. Which would you prefer, pretty boy?
Steve kisses him.
And then Steve starts holding his hand even when he isn't having tics, even when they're with the Party. Eddie moves into Steve's room. (They always slept better when they accidentally fell asleep on the sofa together anyway.) Steve holds him when his tics are bad, and Eddie holds him during his migraines, pressing kisses as softly as he can to his forehead and his temples. Steve takes his hand when it moves to hit Eddie's face or chest. Eddie stands steady and holds Steve's hand to himself when he gets dizzy. Steve keeps ready-made ice packs in the freezer to hold to Eddie's chest and legs when they bruise from his fists. Eddie keeps his handwriting as neat as possible when he writes notes in case Steve forgets anything. When they wake up at night, breathless and sweaty and crying, the other is there, arms open, lips waiting.
One night Eddie says very softly, You know, they used to say my brain was broken.
Steve just says, Mine too.
#welcome to projection central#hand wrote this during a lecture today bc i was bored and realised a lot of ppl write/hc eddie as autistic and w adhd#but usually those are the only kinda neurodivergencies i see in fan content#(pretend thats a word)#but then i thought eddie having tics would make sense for his character and i have Experience to write from so#(disclaimer i was not bullied in school nor was i removed from classes (unless i left on my accord bc i wanted to hide in the bathroom))#(some kids teased me or mimicked me or told me to 'do it again' but i dealt w them)#(and the one kid that was really a dick ended up being rly nice by the time we graduated he's cool)#(and i got lucky w my teachers i think they were all very sweet and considerate)#(but i thought this story would make sense and go along with eddies story in the canon)#anyway give eddie tics#anotther hc that his tics calm down/stop when he's playing guitar and playing d&d#mine arent as bad as they were in high school but back then (and on bad days now) they usually calm down#when im focused on something or doing something i enjoy (ie drawing or painting or st)#steddie#steddie oneshot#eddie munson#eddie munson oneshot#steve harrington#steve harrington one shot#stranger things#stranger things one shot
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I was finally able to make it to a VSart party (the august one) which i was super hype for!! I couldn’t stay long, sadly, but i was able to get a couple sketches out!!!
I didn’t catch Kittra Curbstomp’s tumblr before i had to leave but I did get
@nyoka-gorefell ‘s Malva the Furnace
@kralkatorrik ‘s Marwyd (with the sunglasses, quite a look)
@catmanderratmander ‘s Pyromancer Kudo
And @silvesi ‘s Dralsin
#vsartparty#gw2#guild wars 2#my art#it was a lot of fun!!!#a little overwhelming but i suspect that was bc i was a lil late to show up and also migrainey so entirely my fault#it was really cool to see all the characters!! i wanted to draw a lot more people but i just could Not look at my screen that much sadly#next time though#hopefully my brain will be more cooperative#>:3#i was only on na this round#and i was on Jaeias! if anyone drew her but didnt know who she belongs to#so many cool fashion wars#and names!!!#i could not keep up w everything going on tho boy howdy#:D
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im sorry my opinion on genderbends changes every seconddddd i just think there's a difference between liiike for example gay girls drawing male characters fem for fun / yuri reasons, or trans ppl having fun w characters in a not weird way, VS (mostly cis) ppl getting up to well cisgender situations because they're crazy and are just drawing random women or men (8 or V) with 2 identifying characteristics slapped on and they look NOTHING like the actual character (or take into account how they COULD look different and aren't doing that either, like how a hyperfeminine chara who is that way bc she likes feeling pretty would still be a pretty boy. etc.)...
you can sniff out transphobia/weird gender shit/blatant homophobia in some people is all. i think it's also helpful im not exposed to annoying genderbends lately they've been fun or cool for fun reasons and not weird reasons like erm doing gender essentialism 😀
#🐾#also the secondary aspect of how it's just a complicated trans hc for ... a lot of this stuff LOL#like it's not and im not saying everyone and their mother should be doing trans hcs but if you're going hmm#i want to see this character as another gender WELL i have news for you. It can happen. teehee#anyway. i would probably draw fem versions of male charas for my friends or oomfies if i felt so inclined but i tend to prefer just making#boys wear cute outfits and such i don't really care ... average he/she transmasc my apologies#put this bralette on NOW !!!!!#anyway i think ppl should also take into account certain things too#like i'm never going to draw or engage w fem reigen art ever. literally ever. bc of the transmisogyny in the series w him#and i see people way too comfortable being like actually it's Cool now like no ....#also by fem i mean like female not just feminine. w all of this. bc those r different obvioisly ...#also none of this applies to drawing ACTUAL trans hcs like i love trans hcs obviously and they're totally different / cooler in every way#anyway. my next day thoughts are also it's mostly just a fun character design thing it's chilllll it's googling Rainbow dash as a Boy#when you're 12 and going AHHHHH#i also cannot wholeheartedly hate the entir concept of genderbends bc like i've revealed before#crossplaying as the fem version of male characters when i was younger is what made me realise i was even trans#(though that was bc i was like why am i being the fem version -> i should just be the male version -> unlocks gender euphoria)#but i get being sick and tired of them and i am too just the weird annoying ones#though even then u can tell when it's an adult doing it for cishet reasons and a 14 year old girl who wants her fav to be a girl too
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Chevys sim looks just like them fr and like just looking at them confuses my brain in a good way!!
#I think my sim self is too hot but Chevy says it’s accurate so I’ll believe them#im happy with my sim thought because I even got the hyperpigmentation on my cheeks and my dark circles n my acne spots#im ehh on my skin tone because im inside all the time and im starting to get really pale but I think it’s accurate??#I think I have cool undertones irl but idk abt in the sims#and Chevy has this beautiful brown skin tone that seems like it should have cool undertones but they actually have very warm undertones#and the way her nostrils poke up a bit was the part I wanted to do the most#I see a lot of ours ocs in us and well duh#but also our ocs have impacted the way we dress n shit#because of retro I have a buzzed head and lean towards more spikes chokers and bracelets even though I tend to prefer lacier accessories#Chevys locs have grown so much and I see a lot of Leo in the way they wanna style them#also the fingerless gloves#sorry thinking about our webcomic#when we first started dating I forgot how to draw because I was so happy#so to learn how to draw again I drew Chevy a lot#and even now when im bored I doodle a little chevy#i started drawing myself more when we started dating because we were long distance at first#so I wanted to draw us together. and now I can draw self portraits that actually look like me!! it’s crazy#and now we’re immortalized in the sims :’)#which is where so many of our show your spine characters were first made… crazy how things come full circle#im manifesting a show your spine game in the next 10 years on god
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Kirby Things I Plan to Draw at Some Point
Making a list of things I want to draw and plan to draw at some point once I have more time just so I can keep track of all of it and get people’s thoughts on it/see if anyone is interested in it. Here are all of the ideas I have under the cut.
- Susie redemption arc comic
I definitely want to draw this after I finish up Knightfall in Dream Land and I’ve started doing sketches to plan it out. The goal of this comic will be to redeem Susie and also set up a friendship/eventual romance between her and Taranza since I ship them. After the events of Planet Robobot, Bandana Dee discovers that Susie is still on Popstar and informs Dedede, who sends Kirby to stop her from causing harm to the planet again. But after finding Susie and seeing that she no longer has the resources to mechanize anything or anyone Kirby befriends her and tries to introduce her to his other friends.
They’re understandably wary of her given what she’s done to their world and what she’s done to Meta Knight, so Kirby gets the not so bright idea to try and get Susie to apologize to Meta Knight and promise not to mechanize anyone else so that his other friends will feel more relaxed around her. This goes about as well as you’d expect, Meta Knight and his crew are all still angry at her (and Susie doesn’t think that she did anything wrong at this point and doesn’t see a need to apologize) so Kirby comes up with another idea. He thinks that if Susie experiences something similar to what she put Meta Knight through then she’ll know what it feels like and will understand why he’s upset. This is where Taranza comes in.
They all go to Floralia and Kirby asks Taranza to use his puppeteering magic to possess Susie, Taranza and Susie both agree to this but Susie doesn’t find the experience of being puppeted to be all that distressing. Meta Knight is tired of her being on Popstar at this point and Susie wants to return to her home planet, so Meta decides that he and his crew will personally take her back to her home world on the Halberd to get her off of the planet as quickly as possible so she won’t harm anybody else. Dedede, Bandee, Kirby, and Taranza come along (as extra muscle in case Susie tries anything on the ship) and they set off for Susie’s home planet.
- Daroach backstory comic
An associate of one of Daroach’s old flames shows up asking Daroach for a favor. Daroach’s ex is the leader of a rival gang, and Daroach hasn’t seen her since she abruptly broke up with him many years ago when they were both young adults. I know some people like to give Kirby characters specific numerical ages, but my headcanon is that Kirby characters don’t age like humans do/different species age differently/real life years between the games releasing doesn’t necessarily equate to years passing for the characters (just look at Adeleine, she’s still a child in Star Allies even though that game was released almost two decades after Crystal Shards lmao) so I don’t like to assign characters specific numerical ages, but I do headcanon them to be in specific age ranges (like child, teen, young adult, older adult, etc.). At the time he and his ex split up Daroach and his ex are both really young adults, probably the equivalent to an 18 or 19 year old, and Daroach in the present during the events of the games is quite a bit older, probably the equivalent of being in his mid 30s. Anyways, the associate wants to bring Daroach to his ex so that he and his ex can discuss some very important matters/talk about some things that were left unresolved when they broke up.
- Short comic explaining what Taranza and Dedede were doing before they went to help Kirby defeat Sectonia
This would be a fairly short comic explaining how Taranza ended up teaming up with Dedede to help Kirby at the end of Triple Deluxe. I wanted to give my take on what he was up to after Sectonia blasted him away and how he decided to switch sides and help Kirby in the end. It’ll also explain how he becomes the king of Floralia since in my AU of things he becomes the king after Sectonia’s death and the People of the Sky serve as royal advisors/an advisory council to assist him.
- Comic explaining how Dedede and Meta Knight ended up as a couple
I ship Dedede and Meta Knight and they’re married in my AU, but this would be a comic explaining how they went from being good friends to growing apart for a while to reconciling and dating. The start of this comic will be set right after the Revenge of Meta Knight subgame from Kirby Super Star/Ultra. Dedede is furious at Meta Knight and plans to banish him and his crew from Dream Land until Kirby intervenes and demands that Dedede should let them stay, since Kirby knows that Meta Knight isn’t a bad guy even though he did a bad thing and Dedede owes Kirby a favor after all of the times Kirby has saved him in the past. Dedede agrees not to banish the knights but his friendship with Meta Knight appears to be over. The two of them end up becoming distant with each other, and during this period of time they only see each other when they’re both spending time with Kirby and end up going off on their own solo adventures (explaining why Meta Knight isn’t in Dream Land 3 or Kirby 64 and why Dedede isn’t in Amazing Mirror) until the events of Squeak Squad. After Kirby beats up Dedede and Daroach steals the chest containing Dark Nebula, Dedede finally decides to call up Meta Knight so they can figure out what to do about it (I’m going with the headcanon that the two of them fought and sealed away Dark Nebula before meeting Kirby so that’s why Dedede has the chest that contains Dark Nebula and why Meta Knight knows about it). They have a heart to heart talk with each other, clarify some misunderstandings, and reconcile and admit their feelings for one another.
- Short comic about Taranza and Susie helping each other to grieve their lost loved ones
This will be a short comic centered around Taranza, Susie, and an OC of mine who is Taranza’s mother. This will be set after Susie is redeemed. Susie and Taranza have become close friends after her redemption, and she goes to visit him in Floralia regularly. One day when she visits Taranza and his mom are about to go visit Taranza’s father’s grave since it’s the anniversary of his passing (in my AU Taranza also has a dead dad like Susie but his dad died when he was a kid so he’s had more time to process it/grieve even though it’s still painful). Susie offers to go with them to support Taranza even though it’s hard for her since she’s still struggling with the loss of her father, so the three of them visit the grave and leave some flowers. Taranza is grateful that she went with them and gets the idea to help Susie set up a little memorial for her father so she has a place to visit/leave flowers for him since he doesn’t have a grave/there’s nothing left of him. I thought it would be sweet to depict the two of them helping each other through the grief of losing a loved one. Taranza is still grieving over Sectonia too and Susie also helps him work through that but I thought I’d also give him a dead dad so the two of them could relate to each other over losing a parent (and also to create a parallel between Taranza and my OC who’s his mom by having them both lose someone they were in love with in a very tragic way).
- Comic explaining how Taranza and Susie start dating
This will be set soon after Star Allies, so the mage sisters and Hyness have been redeemed and join the cast. Susie and Taranza’s friendship has grown even stronger, and all of their other friends get the impression that their feelings for each other go beyond friendship… Dedede and Meta Knight decide to intervene and act as the “dad friends” that give their younger friends a little nudge to confess their feelings to each other. In my AU Dedede and Taranza become good friends after Triple Deluxe and Meta and Susie become good friends after Susie is redeemed and apologizes for what she did to him, so I thought it’d be nice to have Dedede and Meta give Taranza and Susie some guidance.
- Comic explaining how Dedede and Meta Knight got engaged/showing their wedding
I’ve established that they’re a couple in my AU but I haven’t actually explained how they proposed to each other or what their wedding was like, so this comic would show that. I could see both of them proposing to each other instead of only one of them proposing lmao… and instead of wearing engagement rings or wedding rings I think I’d have both of them wear bracelets instead. They’d wear their engagement bracelets on one wrist and their wedding bracelets on the other, my explanation for why we don’t see their bracelets in the games is because they’re hidden under their gloves/mittens most of the time lmao…
Is all of this stuff that you guys would be interested in seeing? I would really like to draw all of this at some point but if I get around to it it’s likely not going to be for a while since I’m pretty busy with school/work things. But I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on the ideas I have and any suggestions for other stuff to draw! My ask box and my DMs are always open, I love hearing from everybody!
#text post#Kirby#I have so many ideas for stuff I want to draw but not enough time to actually draw all of it lmao#I definitely want to do the Susie redemption arc comic at some point when I finish Knightfall in Dream Land#I find Susie and Taranza both really interesting as characters and want to further develop both of them#and I love Daroach a lot as a character too and want to give him some more backstory and development#me looking at the Kirby series and thinking HAL refuses to elaborate so fine I’ll do it myself lmao#the franchise has all of these cool characters but we know next to nothing about most of them#I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on the ideas I have is this stuff that you’d all want to see?
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“Ugh, but opera’s so bORiNg, it’s not about anything”
I am, at this point, BEGGING you. To watch/listen to a modern opera. Something made this century, or the end of the last one. It is no longer a request, it is a demand.
#'all of them are so sexist!!1' MAYBE SEE ONE THAT WAS WRITTEN IN A TIME WHERE WE HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF SEXISM#SUNKEN GARDEN IS ABOUT FUCKING PARALLEL PORTAL DIMENSIONS#DOG DAYS IS ABOUT STARVATION IN A DYSTOPIAN WORLD AND MALADPTIVE COPING MECHANISMS#DARK SISTERS IS ABOUT THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF BEING RAISED IN A RELIGIOUS CULT#FUCKING HELL THERE'S EVEN A LITTLE WOMEN OPERA THAT'S REALLY GOOD!!!#IF YOU WANT MORE CHARACTER-STUDY-BASED THEN LOOK AT JAKE HEGGIE!!!!!#PHILIP GLASS HAS SOME STUFF THAT IS FUCKING /WEIRD/#YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT BUT YOU'LL SURE AS HELL BE PAYING ATTENTION!!!#unhinged lady screams about music#tw: cult mention#(in tags)#also a lot of intermezzo operas/comedic operas WERE about poking fun at the upper class and letting the servant characters Do Things#and take an active role in helping humiliate their employers in a way that was socially acceptable#the reason you think 'this all sounds the same' is because YOU HAVE ONLY LOOKED AT A NARROW CATEGORY OF OPERA#the reason you think 'these arias don't serve the story' IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ONLY LOOKING AT OPERAS THAT WERE WRITTEN DURING A PERIOD WHERE#THE MAIN DRAW WAS 'ENTERTAINING NIGHT OUT' AND WAS ABOUT SHOWING OFF THE SINGERS WITH CROWD-PLEASER#THEY WOULD LITERALLY TRANSPLANT DIFFERENT ARIAS INTO DIFFERENT OPERAS FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GOING 'LOOK AT HOW COOL OUR SINGER IS'#LATER OPERA!!! DOES NOT!!!!!!!! DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and for the love of god do NOT use one composer or librettist as a representative of ALL OPERA WORKS EVER#YES THIS /IS/ IN RESPONSE TO THAT R/T/D INTERVIEW HE GAVE I AM SO TIRED#DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I HEAR THIS SHIT#DO NOT /TEST/ ME
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gonna be very annoyed if ppl insist on tryna turn all 5 of my dude characters into women when the majority of other characters in my comic already identify as women
#seriously you have so much to choose from... leave my self insert alone thats for sure ill eat you#im laying it out rn in a table. MOST of the dude ocs i have are villains.#MOST of the dude characters are minor characters#YOU WILL HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS WHAT MORE MUST YOU TAKe#as far as the most story relevant ocs SO FAR that i have- 10 of them are dudes and 14 of them are grrls#and also not including the nb characters but im keeping them outta this#and even amongst those 10 plenty of those ocs aren't really relevant either @-@;;#wamen play a stupidly huge role in my comic so i dont wanna hear it from no one i want no excuses#go imprint on one of the many grrl ocs that i have n leave me alone >:|#or make ur own fuckin character instead n fuck off somewhere else#...ig its kinda unfair tho bc ive specifically been holding back on posting a lot of my characters specifically for the purpose of#surprising ppl w someone new but. yknow. still.#all im saying is i have so many different options for u to pick from that i dont wanna see anyone trying to make excuses to change#my self inserts gender bc it will specifically be invalidating obviously.#yer gonna hafta just trust me on this one dawg.#i always find women more fun to draw anyways. sure i gotta get my self insert in there and some other dudes bc i like them#or for plot reasons. but women are more fun to draw to me partially *because* theres such an under representation of them#i feel like theres a lot of untapped potential and i wanna tap into it. i wanna show you all the different wamen characters ive made#they're all so unique and cool and i wISH I COULD POST THEm but i dont want to spoil surprises :/#the most i can do rn is post what are essentially background characters u-u
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Revolutionary Army Punk AU
Ft: Luffy (not punk)
Steampunk is cool but i think just straight up punk would be cooler. I just think what they stand for lines up a lot better
Design notes:
I did some research and talked to a punk friend of mine for these as i am not a punk, myself, and I dont want to look like a poser. I think i did a really good job translating them and i want to explain my thoughts!
Sabo was first, of course.
I not only wanted to make the characters punk, but i also wanted to crank their designs up about 20 notches, so i gave Sabo’s scar one hell of an upgrade. In this version I tried to make it very clear that that cannon ball hit him head-on. I think it works really well with his punk vibes because under-cuts and shaved parts of the head in general are very popular in punk culture.
I largely tried to keep the silhouettes the same with this au, and It was really easy to keep it with Sabo because of the fact that he already has a lot of design elements that translate well to punk. His big pants into tall boots were perfect to translate, crust pants and steel toed boots fits him well. Trench coats arent a staple in Punk, but i couldnt take the coats away from him… him or Belo. They deserve it…
I threw away his cravat for a choker, i replaced his vest with a red tank top and his undershirt for fishnets, Patches up the wazoo, he looks very cool.
Belo Betty was next, she was super easy to translate. She’s already in the punk spirit with her tits out, we love to see it. Her hat was really difficult to translate, along with all the other hats, but a red knitted hat that has those two points cuz it’s essentially a scarf sewed together looks nice on her.
My punk friend suggested i give her a bunch of nets and harnesses and i really agreed that was her style, so i gave her red tie to Morley, slapped some harnesses on her and just overall just turned her sexy up like 50 notches. I think i was clever how i adapted her striped stockings here with how they have runs in them.
Karasu is almost the exact same. I just threw out his dinky little cravat and gave him a bandana and harness. I also gave him piercings. That’s the only difference. In the words of my Punk friend “hes naked and wearing a spiked mask, He can hang”
Speaking of what my punk friend said, he said that Lindbergh would get “demolished” in the pit, and that he looks like he’s scared of bees. The consensus was that he couldn’t hang. But also i still had to make him punk, so then he suggested CBGB punks:
Redneck, bluegrass, southern american punks. I was really in a rut with his design, I didn’t know what to do to keep the silhouette of his backpack. But everything changed when I chance got the idea of a guitar. And then everything flowed from there
Morley was really really fun. Punk friend suggested i make him Pop Punk, inspired by this pic
Mainly Lindsey way with this plaid skirt and tie
He was so so fun to draw, i love his fucked up eyes.
For dragon, i didnt change much at all, even though it’s only his bust that’s shown. Imagine everything is the same, except now he has piercings. Dragon isnt concerned with the punk fashion, but the punk cause.
For Luffy, I wasnt trying to make him punk, but he felt a bit plain looking like base Luffy next to punk Sabo, so i just did the “turn design up 20 notches”, and just gave him a more visibly tattered hat, bangles and waist beads.
That’s about it! Ive been getting a lot of comments and asks lately saying that you guys like when i go on my design explanations, and i realized that i didnt do that for the last few AU’s, so i thought id type this up :)
Thank you for reading!
#my art#one piece#sabo#monkey d. luffy#asl brothers#sabo the revolutionary#revolutionary army#belo betty#op Morley#lindbergh op#monkey d dragon#op dragon#punk au#asl au#op karasu
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Portfolio advice, from a lead who hires Concept Artists
(This was originally a twitter thread I wrote before the site self imolated, hense it's strange structure.) I wrote this after a weekend of portfolio reviews - 1. Like a maths exam, please please show your working. I want to see thumbs options, mid options and of course a final design.
2. Arrange your portfolio, I don't want to bounce about between subject matter and pipeline. Your portfolio's narrative should be as strong as your work... 3. Please make worlds that excite the viewer, make them want to go in and explore them, explain to them the interesting parts of the town, or the way the character's hat unfolds. How will this draw the viewer in? 4. As I've said before the majority of your project work is explanatory not mood, make sure your portfolio contains explanatory work. Explained here -
5. A lot of beautiful post apocolyptic paintings, , but 80% of realistic games and film, we just give the environment artists photo ref, they are capable artists in their own right. Different work in stylised where you do need to create rules for how things can be translated. 6. Production art contains call out sheets, material references and flat graphics. This doesn't have to be your final image, but it should support it.
7. Design characters on a swatch(es) of the environment they will be viewed in. Not on white. I make swatch backgrounds from screenshots, it avoids assumptions that damage readability. 8. Reverse of this, put people in your environments, show me the scale.
9. It's not a deal breaker for a review, but if you intend to get a job, please show me your work on a screen larger than a smartphone (print outs probably the cheapest option with the best battery life). 10. Please have your contact details clearly visible, and by that I mean email address, I will not pass your social media contact on, I cannot input your form into my tracking system. EMAIL ADDRESS emblazoned and bake it in, sometimes recruiters do funky stuff to pdfs
11. Your portfolio will never feel done, not to you anyway. You will have learnt from your latest pieces and want to apply it to older work. But we know art is a journey. Send your portfolio anyway. I've been in the industry 10+ years and my portfolio is still not 'finished'. 12. If you are applying to an environment centric Concept Art position then please vary your times of day! Golden hour is cool but show me some happy sunny days, looming overcast days, what about at night? Vary your weather too! Sunny snowy day? Rainy Spring day? Stormy night?
13. If you are applying for a character centric Concept Art role then please ensure your portfolio shows a variety of body types and ethnicities. 14. Designing characters for games? Please show back views and feet (!) Many potfolios contain only front views. This is a problem because:
You haven't shown you are considering the design from all angles.
In many games rear view is the main view.
Stop cropping feet.
15. If you are entry / graduating and looking at Portfolios to compare content and standard of yr own work too, look at hired grad/junior artists as opposed to seniors Seniors and leads often have old or personal work in their portfolio which isnt representative of the day job. 16a. Show clearly the intended use case for your Concept Art. Mention the game type in the description. Are these player character designs for a 3rd person adventure game? Then more back views please. Bonus points for diagetic ways of showing health / equipment / role etc.
16b. Are these designs for an FPS? Then really the player view of the gun needs to sell the player style/ choices, in an FPS your weapons are almost your character. Are these world designs? What's the view distance? For an RTS your shapes need to read from above & a distance. 16c. The lack of clarification means I am judging the design in isolation, which both harms the design (you might be considering the backview of a char as the main adventure character.) Or an NPC, their waist up expressions may be important for conveying exposition and mechanics.
16d. Concept art is not separate from gameplay, great concept art serves the game team before it is a good illustration.
17. Play games. A variety of games. Think about them. IMO to be a good concept artist you need to understand the common language & references used by your peers. Also understand the principles and common language your audience are used to. FPS design rules are v.diff from RTS.
18. There are many skills that are needed in concept art, please show them. For example: Graphic design - logos, liveries, typographic use etc. VFX concepts - Abilities, Ambience, motion concepts. Architectural knowledge - How buildings are built! & more but I'm out of space :O
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Reverse Falls!!
Soo this is my take on Reverse Falls!! I don't really know which are the original designs or which are the new personalities that each character adapts, so I made my own headcanons!! :3
It should be noted that there are characters who do not change personalities with anyone, but rather their personalities are more exaggerated or are opposite to the originals. Or (in the case of McGucket) their relationships are different so they change their way of being progressively.
EXPLANATION TIME:
This is quite long, I'm going to explain the personalities of each one and how they relate to various characters. Credits to: hours of daydreaming and Google Translate (TW: child abuse, emotional and physical abuse, homophobia, classism. I don't know if there's anything else, just in case)
Pacifica Northwest: Outgoing and very expressive. She didn't know Gideon very well until her parents sent her to Reverse Falls. She likes to knit, draw, and has a lot of stuffed animals. She has a lot of hair, and likes to do different hairstyles every day ("to be innovative"), cries when she has to cut it. She is very affectionate with Gideon and tries to get him out of his shell. She is a little insecure, but likes to see the positive side of things. She gets along very well with Bud, although sometimes she feels he is a little weird. Symbol: Llama (on her sweater)
Gideon Gleefull: Insecure, has little self-confidence, very skittish and anxious. Has a habit of chewing when he is thinking, like OG!Dipper (chewing on pens, his shirt, etc.). He didn't really know how to talk to Paz at first since the first time they met they were very little, what was she going to say?, was a "Hello" enough?, a handshake?, a complicated handshake?, was she going to ignore him? Paz simply gave him a big hug when she got off the bus (+ gave him a sweater she made on the way). Symbol: Telepathy star (in his hat)
Bud Gleefull: Ultimate scammer. Very friendly and funny, although sometimes a little intimidating. Bye Hawaiian shirts. Very patient with Gideon. He is basically the “cool uncle/dad”. He put Paz to work the day she arrived, although he became attached very quickly and gave her family privileges (he does the same with Gideon).
Mason “Dipper” Pines: He is still very insecure but is able to feign confidence when standing on stage with his sister. He still has a lot of passion for science, he is not very affectionate, he holds back his emotions as he does not want to look vulnerable, especially in front of Stanford. He has a lot of respect for Ford (or rather, fear), being his apprentice he sees him more as a teacher, a superior figure than as an uncle; however he has very little respect for Stan, threatening him and making fun of him. He does not usually use his amulet much, only to practice tricks or in his shows. He has a very distant relationship with his sister, similar to that of the Stan twins. They have many disagreements, but they still have each other's back, especially when Ford is aggressive with one of them. The most sincere relationship he has is with F, although he still treats him like an employee, knowing that he was one of the brilliant minds behind the portal he respects him. Sometimes he discusses theories and shares discoveries with him (although he is embarrassed to think that his only "friend" is an employee of his uncle). Once he met Gideon and Paz, he was able to show his more fragile side and be himself, although he doesn't consider them completely friends (that changes post-weirdmageddon). Symbol: Pine tree (a small pin)
Mabel Pines: A spoiled brat, basically. She's very charming and friendly on stage and with guests at the Pines' many parties, but she's very whiny and selfish behind the scenes. She's not at all affectionate, to the point that she hates physical contact, especially if it's from townspeople. She resents her brother a lot for being Ford's "favorite" (he doesn't really have favorites, he's just less strict with Dipper because he's useful to him). She's Stan's spoiled child, giving her what she wants when she wants it (they have a nice relationship actually, Stan being one of the only ones who comforts her when she's sad). Instead of knitting, she likes to design her own dresses and accessories for shows and parties (her guilty pleasure is arts & crafts, since it's a very "childish" activity for a Pines). Obsessed with Paz, but learns to respect her limits throughout the story. Symbol: Shooting Star (a small pin)
Stanley Pines: He basically swaps personalities with Bud, runs the Telepathy Tent, is very friendly, and is scared of his brother and the twins. He never gets involved in Ford's experiments, having a very tense relationship with him. He loves the twins very much but knowing the power they have with those amulets he prefers to go along with them and not question too much what they ask (he knows when to be firm but the one who really has an impact on them and can make them see reason is Ford). Symbol: Oyster(?? (on a necklace)
Stanford F. Pines: Did you think OG! Ford was a jerk? Well now he's twice as much! He doesn't have an ounce of empathy in him, he's very narcissistic and only cares about his projects and his image. He doesn't care at all about the twins, only seeing them as a way to make money, demanding the most out of them, and he doesn't hesitate to use violence if any of them get out of line. He's very distant with Stanley, speaking to him very dryly (or rather, barely speaking to him at all). He's almost a hermit, living in his laboratory, not letting the townspeople get to know him; although unlike OG! Ford, he cares a lot about how he presents himself in front of the public, taking care of his image and clothing. He's very demanding with Mabel, as he feels she's nothing more than a spoiled child, the image of the Telepathy Tent along with her brother. He is a bit kinder to Dipper, as he realizes that he has a brilliant mind for his age (though not more so than his own), so he includes him in many of his experiments and research if he proves useful; but excluding that, he is just as insensitive as he is with his twin, mistreating him if he does not comply with what is due. His relationship with McGucket is kinda weird: although they were friends in college, the power that Bill/Will offered him completely consumed him, being abusive to F, forcing him to work long nights, keeping him awake by force. He only sees him for his use: his great skill with mechanics (which Ford does not have, although he hates to mention it). Although he was in love with F while he was at Backupsmore, he currently has no romantic feelings towards him, considering him an employee, his assistant, nothing more. He has internalized homophobia (a gift from Filbrick) and classism, so he hates to remember when his relationship with F was one of equals, friends. It disgusts him to think about when he would get so emotional around him. Symbol: Six Fingered Hand (the diaries)
Fiddleford H. McGucket: He is still the brilliant mind he was in his youth, but stress eats him alive. He started to age very quickly thanks to it. He invented the memory gun to try to forget all the horrible things he witnessed or that Ford made him suffer, but his boss doesn't allow him to use it too much since it can damage his mental health and erase knowledge, making him less efficient and useful. He doesn't have a very deep relationship with Stanley, since he practically lives in the lab where Ford forces him to work, but they are able to talk whenever F has a break (almost never). He can't stand the twins too much, not only because he feels that they are very annoying, but because the simple presence of children in his day to day life reminds him a lot of Tate, with whom he no longer has contact. Everyone knows about the abusive relationship he has with Stanford, they are not indifferent to it but they try not to mention it or get involved in his affairs (practically out of fear of Ford). Throughout his stay with Stanford he started developing an emotional dependence on him: not only did he make him feel that he was useless without him, but he uses violence on him when he is not fulfilling his duty, causing F to blame himself when this happens (What did he do wrong? What can he do to improve?). This got to the point where he started to hurt himself when he did not do something right. Ex: hitting himself when he noticed that his leg was bouncing in front of his anxiety (something that bothers Ford a lot), pulling out clumps of hair in front of the stress of not being able to achieve something, biting his nails, scratching himself, hitting his head (imagine Dobby from HP). Such actions and the mixed feelings he had towards Ford, made him develop masochism, enjoying when he inflicts pain on himself and when he is the victim of Ford's physical and psychological abuse, he clearly hid this for a while since it would look very unprofessional on his part. Eventually his boss found out and used this to his advantage, being quite sadist himself (he enjoys watching or inflicting pain and/or humiliation on others, in this case, he gets sexual pleasure). So every time Ford needs to let off some steam, vent his frustrations (or is just horny), he uses Fiddleford to fulfill his fantasies, making F's wishes come true as well. He basically uses him as a sex toy, and F doesn't complain, having suffered so much emotional manipulation, he even considers himself lucky that his boss wants to be with him like this, even if it's NOT healthy. Symbol: Spectacles
Bill Cipher: I don't like the idea of changing his name, so Bill stays. He's still the same chaotic demon as in the original series, but this time he's been tricked by Ford into working for him and doing his bidding. He's also forced to do the twins' bidding. We already know that Bill can change his shape and color, so I think all of his shame and self-pity manifests itself in his appearance, turning blue over time (any strong emotion makes him change his appearance). He manipulates Gideon and Paz, making them feel sorry for him so they'll do his bidding (it doesn't work, clearly). The people he has the most contact with are Ford and Fiddleford, as they spend most of their time in the basement where he's locked up.
So that's it. I don't really know how this timeline would work, considering the portal and the journals, but I just wanted to have fun with the character designs and relationships (I feel like the weirdmageddon would happen sooner than in the original timeline). If you want me to go deeper into certain relationships or characters, let me know!!(≧▽≦) I'll see if I can go deeper into the relationship between Ford and Fiddleford that you guys liked so much (you guys really like toxic yaoi, huh??). I'm thinking of making a fanfic or smt to explain their day to day life in the lab and how Ford invited F to work with him (SPOILER: it didn't go well...).
That's it ig, LIKE AND SUSCRIBE!!!1!!1!Σ(°ロ°)
#gravity falls#fanart#digital art#reverse falls#reverse falls au#gravity falls au#mabel pines#dipper pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleauthor#fiddlesix#toxic yaoi#btw: the kids don't kill people#they're 12#they're still silly#just a little traumatized#thanks stanford#i didn't draw the accesories with their simbols#opps...#i forgor#just imagine they're there#i'm not good with character design....#maybe i'll change the designs as time goes on idk
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"a million dreams for the world we're gonna make" - a million dreams, from the greatest showman
HEYYY GUYS I'M BACK !!! ap exams are finally over and i'm pretty sure i flunked ap physics but i sat down to draw stuff the day i finished after a whole lot of karaoke with my friends. i had a sketch of this going on but it has always been lying around unfinished so i really wanted to get this done for you guys last night
BUT HERE'S A NEZHA APPEARANCE i know a lot of you have been asking for him and multiple ppl have suggested that he be the critic from the movie, and you're right it totally suits him,,, bro can be a harsh but necessary critic. and i've always wanted to draw that specific scene of wukong lifting macaque in that a million dreams dance sequence. so here you go !! the critic isn't frequent in the movie but he's a necessary character so if you guys want to see more of nezha in this au just let me know !!
other stuff that i've been wanting to draw contain mei, sandy, etc. the rest of the crew as the performers and a lot more shadowpeach and spicynoodles (some asked for that specific scene where time slows as redson and mk's eyes meet with the trapeze performance thing so that'd be cool to include for the next part of this series) and i definitely do want to draw macaque in his trapeze artist at one point, he'd be gorgeous.
also let me know if you want to see any specific scene or characters from this au !! i'm not done cooking and i have so many things i want to draw for it but as you know i can't satisfy everybody... so i'm gonna need your help narrowing it all down. this movie is a piece of art and i'm so ready to combine it with lmk and actively draw until s5 comes out. so excited for this summer !!!
as always, thank youuu for reading this (if anybody does !!!!!)
#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#sun wukong#macaque#six eared macaque#liu er mihou#lego monkie kid fanart#shadowpeach#spicynoodles#nezha#the greatest showman#crossover#au#alternative universe#doodle#sketch#lego#jess's monkie business
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Girls girls girls
First recap was ok, but I'm in the mood to draw characters and I wanted to do a proper lineup/height charts (and then promptly drew maul in heels and Padmé on tiptoe..... I am a genius)
[COMMISSIONS]
[PART 1] - [PART 2] - [PART 3]
Rambling below vvv
It's always so temping to dress maul in white, and I once again caved kflodkd
Also ! I always draw her pre tpm, because it's a) the time in her life when I see her wear silly/'extravagant' outfits the most (can't really do that when you're a half dead giant spider eating rats in a garbage world fkldodi and after *that* I don't think her spirit is really into accessorizing and wearing cute fits- still a slut tho) and b) mechanical limbs are hard to draw and a pain to render (one day I will draw her old I swear !)- but ! All this to say : she stay "small" even after getting bisected ! The bones are staying in the pussy !! Let her be short, then a spider, then short once again but this time with cool metal legs :)
I usually draw Padme all serious, but she can't be all business like when frolicking in a field with her dumbass girlfriend and I think drawing her silly healed a bit of my soul <3 (also took liberties with the yellow dress design- wanted to make it a bit my own and I kind of hate the original faded yellow ngl)
For Obiwan and Anakin, I wanted them in civilian clothing because Jedi outfits are a bit boring (for what I'm doing here)- but I also wanted to stay in the same color scheme as their Jedi's outfit (and I ended up swaping them because I wanted to see obiwan dressed in black kxkdldk). I am very proud of Obiwan's outfit !! I think it fits her, while staying relatively in character :D and next to her you get no rizz butch anakin :)))
I'm having a lot of fun making these :D even if this rendering style takes so fucking long- next up is either Palpatine, Vader, Dooku, boba fett or leia, han, lando, chewie (and maybe luke, we'll see)
PS : I have never watched the 3D clone war show, this is mostly based on the movies :)
#maul really is my muse kfldkdkn I always end up drawing her in flamboyant outfits and have so much fun doing it#and then I have to dress Anakin and oh god what do I do-#being fem presenting means I have easier time coming up with fem outifits-#more masculine ones are harder for me but that's why I'm practicing !!#star wars sapphic au#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#padme amidala#darth maul#anidala#obimaul#lesbian#star wars#star wars fanart#star wars prequels#art#my art#digital art#fanart
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Wow, hello!
So, I was actually feeling pretty motivated to write this post yesterday. But things have gotten exponentially worse, and I admit the pressure is getting to me. There seem to be a ton of expectations surrounding what I should be saying here, in order to… I guess, absolve myself? As if there’s a checklist people want me to go through to perform the “perfect” creator apology. But, I don’t see the point. I care a lot about this community and I think you deserve something a lot more sincere than some hollow chat-gpt apology. I understand that that’s foolish, on my part. Things are done that way so often because they work. But what you’ll find throughout this post, is that I’m kind of an idiot about some things. I’m stubborn and hard-headed and a little bit pretentious. And so, what I’m planning to do here is to simply tell you the truth about what happened. No cherry picking. All my mistakes, but also the context that goes with them. And at the end, my formal apology. This is a long and winding tale with a lot of characters. I’m going to be sharing some usernames as we go, in the interest of clarity and transparency. You’ll understand why with the context. But please do not seek these people out. Don’t pick fights with them. It will only make everything worse, for all involved.
Cool? Cool. But first I need to address the elephant in the room. This will probably seem like irrelevant drama at first, but this is the nuance and background that I wasn’t adequately able to articulate the night before last. In more ways than one, this is a story told in twos. The first set of twos is you, the readers. Who you are, and what you’re hoping to find out in this post.
1. The overwhelming majority of you, are earnestly wanting to understand what has happened in the Nevermore Discord. You are concerned that I am not who you hoped I was. You are disappointed, and I understand why. To you, I am so sorry. I want to say that things are not as bad as they seem, but that is not for me to decide. You will need to draw your own conclusions from the words I write. And I understand, whatever you choose to do next.
2. And there is a small, but incredibly vocal minority of people who are absolutely living for this. They are spreading complete fabrications with no screenshots to speak of. Horrible, horrible accusations. People who are more excited about watching a dumpsterfire than they are about the series that brought them here in the first place. I’m not going to attempt to cater to those people in this post. Because nothing will ever be good enough. Everything that can be taken in bad faith will be taken in bad faith. It would be pointless. But you’ll see them in the comments and reblogs. This is a known group to not only myself, but many others. I will share some of their names in a later section so you know who to watch for. They will make a lot of noise around this post because they’ve been trying to make something like this happen for actual years. And now that I had a genuinely concerning response that good people reasonably want me to explain, they’re lunging at the chance to throw absolutely anything at the wall. It’s parasocial levels of hatred. This is some deep and horrible lore.
The next set of twos is how two things can be true at the same time. And that is exactly what is going on here, in this situation. Let me be really clear, because I don’t want either truth to be lost in my explanation as they are intrinsically linked to one another.
1. I did a downright terrible job explaining myself in the Discord when people started asking about crimson. I can give you all kinds of contributing factors for this, and I might later. But none of them really matter. It was incredibly careless of me to use “egging them on” and “cried wolf” to describe what I understood. At the time I was really laser-focused on expressing what happened as simply and quickly as possible because the channel replies were paused and I felt like everyone was just waiting for me to be finished with my message. But after stepping back, I immediately understood how badly I messed up, because of course these idioms are routinely weaponized against survivors of SA and CSA. That is not how I intended to use them. It was an unfortunate case of one thing looking and sounding like another thing. Incredibly ham-fisted and irresponsible on my part. To the survivors who read my words and felt that it echoed their past experiences, I’m heartbroken that I did that to you. That lapse of judgement was a betrayal to both you and me. I don’t know where my head went, and I’m just blown away by my own lack of awareness in that message. So for that I am and will continue to be sorry.
2. The second thing that can be true is that, while you are all absolutely owed an explanation and an apology, there are also some people amongst you who are using this fuck-up on my part as a springboard to take me down. These people have been trying to get a call out post to pop off about me for at least a year, and they have been very quick to jump into the reblogs and comments about this very serious topic with complete lies and slander. Just, anything that might stick to the wall. We’ll address this later on as well. But please understand that me discussing the harassment I’ve faced from these groups is not at the expense of me also owning up to my faults and taking the proper accountability.
And the last set of twos is one I’ve alluded to in the first sets, concerning a pair of toxic side-servers that ran adjacent to the main Nevermore Discord. Completely unofficial cliques. And invisible to myself and Flynn and our mod team. We were eventually made aware that both of them were breaking laws and Discord ToS in ways that leaked into our server and affected our members negatively. As such, both groups were mass-banned. And the cliques are the ones running a majority of the discourse you’ve been seeing here, because while they are formally banned from the discord, we have absolutely no say in their participation on Tumblr. Now, keep in mind. Both of these groups were uncovered after crimson was banned the first time. That’s important later.
Clique #1
My understanding of the first group is that it started as a gaming server for people who met one another through the Nevermore Discord. I don’t know when or why it started being used to talk shit about other readers, but I do know that it got really vicious. And it was sort of an open secret for long before I knew anything about it. I found out after that there were a lot of people passively in this server, just observing. It was that much of a spectacle.
Now, this clique had been pretty rude. Like they’d try to start fights with me in the discord fairly often, both in the Patreon and free spaces. But it wasn’t grounds for dismissal until we found out about the baiting and the alts. These people had a lot of grievances, but one really united them: they were extremely upset about anyone who would ship Prospero.
Many of you know, that Prospero is an aromantic character, canonically. And you may notice that canonically, he has no apparent love interest. But this group wanted to make sure other readers were not thinking about Prospero in relationships, or creating ship content of him for any reason on the grounds that it would be considered a “proship.” I told them (and I stand on this) that it’s not up to them to police the thoughts of other readers, and that aromantic people have widely varying lifestyles and experiences and do not need to be infantilized that way.
This turned out to be a bad move on my part, because it brought with it an onslaught of alt accounts coming in and "innocently" kicking up what I now refer to as the “prosp-aro” debate every time they had the chance. But because of this and what a common occurrence it was, we started being able to pick out the alts. And we realized that this group of people had been using the same alt accounts with different names to antagonize certain readers they’d decided they hated, and it had gone on for a long time.
I did a lot of investigative work in dms trying to figure out who all was responsible for the harassment, and settled on a list that was vetted by three different people who knew about the clique. And all three of these people insisted that, while Laci was in the group and in a lot of the screencaps saying pretty dubious things, that she was good people. So I believe them, and let Laci stay. This group was banned on April 3, 2024, and contained the following users:
- lilnatx (nat)
- suitino (sushi)
- jj_the_jet_plane (layden)
- rivsticks (jasper)
- atheimee (athena)
- jinxs.com (lanx/jinx)
- smartestginger (nico)
- thereallandofbugs (bugs)
- rosienemui (rosie)
These were the names they were known by on the Discord. I don’t have the Tumblr accounts tied to these identities. But some might be the same. I know a lot of them are here. It should be noted that jinx was later unbanned due to pressure from Laci that they had been banned in error, after the fact. We allowed them back in after a few days as a favor to Laci since the situation seemed like it was very stressful for her. This would prove to be yet another a mistake since, as you have probably seen in the screenshots from the night before last, jinx rapidly escalated things to another level while I was trying to figure out how to handle crimson’s unbanning and subsequent rebanning an hour later.
Clique #2
Phew. Still with me? Great. The second group we needed to ban was one that actually started long before the first one, but was a lot smaller and comparatively more subtle. This group, to my knowledge, cropped up around the time that ep. 39 of Nevermore was released. (11/10/22) We knew about this group but not who all was involved in it or in what capacity for a very long time. They would consistently post things on Tumblr trying to start a scandal. I recall posts alleging that we were racists, or SA apologists, or that we were sending death threats to a random confessions account.
To be clear, these allegations are completely false. This clique will say anything. Like a recent post one of them put up during this discourse said that hiwi (our mod) is both a r*pe apologist and a childhood friend of mine and that’s the only reason she hasn’t been banned. Hiwi is absolutely nothing of the sort, and I have never met her in person. In fact, she lives on the other side of the continent.
Now, this clique is a little different than the first. The first, to my knowledge, was a group of friends that got toxic and felt morally superior about their opinions and it all kind of got away from them. The vibe was a little catty, I guess. Gossipy. But this clique has more of a stalker vibe. It’s dark.
They’ve had it out specifically for me for as long as I can remember. And some of them (at least one, at all times) would subscribe to our patreon, both to sow dissent in our stream chats and also to leak literally all the content back to the others, including me talking about random shit like what I ate for lunch. Just so they could like. Laugh about it, I guess. I’ll never understand why. [Editing note: because in the final moments of proofreading this post I see one of these people has made some master post about what a terrible person I am? A lot of those screenshots are from Patreon channels and the guy STILL has them laying around. I’m telling you, they stole everything that wasn’t nailed down.]
The biggest grievance this clique had is that any ship with Montresor is an “SA fetish ship” because to them he is a r*pist because of how he made Ada bark (?) and since Montrada is canon, that means we are supporters of SA, and that Morella and Ada should be together instead. Listen, I’ll level with you, this one baffles me. I don’t even know how to begin to untangle it. But if you see a lot of vitriol about us being SA apologists from these users, it’s because Montresor exists. That’s pretty much it.
You can ask them for screencaps ‘til you’re blue in the face, but unless they build fake ones from the ground up, they’re never going to be able to back up their wild claims. Simply put, they’re provocateurs, and they use the scariest words they can to whip people up into a panic.
We became aware that they were leaking patreon content when one of them was caught publicly referring to things that were being said behind a paywall when we knew they weren’t a patron. It unraveled from there. People who knew about their antics shared screenshots and information with us, and we finally realized the scope of the clique’s hatred and banned whoever was even left in the Nevermore Discord. But they continue to be active in the community on tumblr. You’ll have seen them around. They were banned on 5/11/2024 and the names involved are as follows (again, a mishmash of discord names, nicknames, and tumblr accounts):
- percy (gremlinguy145 on tumblr)
- queenmorningrose (annabel-lee-nevermore on tumblr)
- spoopycactus630 (spoopy-nevermore-dump on tumblr)
- grif/horrorshow (conscience-grim on tumblr)
- unreqiknizd
- duke aralt (westofthestyx)
- eden (sapphic-mad-scientist on tumblr)
- priemium
Again I’d like to reiterate. The point in sharing these names is not to incite any sort of response against these people. But they are folding themselves into the fray and doing what they can to whip everyone else up into a mob, and all as we’re talking about a discord server that they have been banned from for months now. The above context is also relevant for the next section, which is why you’re all here in the first place.
What the hell happened with Crimson?
I hope it’s not confusing, but now we’re going back to 3/14/2024, before anything I just outlined above had come to light. The cliques were quietly doing their harassment and baiting and raiding and whatever-the-hell behind the scenes, but Flynn and I and the mods were blissfully unaware of how bad it was getting. We get a dm from Laci. The same Laci who was part of Clique #1 and was rescued from being banned with the others by her friends outside the group. Jinx’s friend, who managed to get them unbanned as well. You have probably seen these screencaps already, but I will show them to you again, just in case.
Sufficed to say, we were immediately alarmed by the information Laci shared in her DM with us. Now, I want to be very clear about this because it’s been lost in the game of telephone. What Laci outlines in her dm to me, were the events that occurred between six users (including crimson) in a group chat with minors. Everyone in the evidence was censored (pfp and username), as was the image that crimson showed them. When I asked, Laci agreed to give me one name of one of the minors in the dm. I’ll call them Alice, but that is not their real name. I asked if I could talk to Alice about this, I was told by Laci, no. Alice doesn’t want to talk. I was like, ok I understand, that’s fine.
I hope it makes sense when I say that it is not feasible for us to moderate the things that happen in peoples’ dms. As you’ve seen above, the mod team doesn’t usually get involved with drama unless whatever is happening is directly affecting the experience people are having in the Nevermore Discord because that is all we can see and the only place we have any real authority. But this was obviously a special case. We banned crimson very quickly without asking any follow-up questions, because of course we did!? I’ve seen people say I’m harboring or defending crimson or that we’re buddies but we barely spoke, ever. They were a stranger to me then, and they still are now.
But something about the entire situation wasn’t adding up to me. And I want to be clear that none of this is in any way meant to discredit csa survivors, I’m really just trying to put you in my headspace and walk you through my thought process. But I found that the evidence was just, sort of strange. Laci started her dm explaining that she found this information out because she and a group of people were investigating crimson for ‘art tracing’ which felt, to me, like a bizarre non-sequitur and totally irrelevant next to the evidence of them showing nsfw content to minors. Petty, kind of. Like I wanted to ask – why were you doing that in the first place? People trace Flynn’s art all the time. As long as they’re not selling it, it’s not a big deal.
Most of the crops are from a PC but the windows are oddly small, and only contain a couple messages at a time. Some have American formatted time and some have European formatted time. So different users, I assume? The names were blotted out, which I would understand for a public call-out but not for a private report to the mod team. Laci was not in this gc at any point in time, despite being the one to report.
One of the users was apparently 12, to which I ask – what is a 12-year-old doing on discord at all? If we knew who they were, we would have reported the account. Discord is not a safe place for a child that age, let alone a small group chat. Along with 18-year-old Crimson, there was also a 22- and 17-year-old in the chat, which left us wondering – why hadn’t anything been done?
I had no evidence that anyone ever told crimson they were minors, and I feel if it existed, it would have been in the screencap dump (I find that sometimes a noticeable lack of key evidence is evidence in itself). No one seems to have tried to kick crimson from the group chat or report their account for inappropriate behavior. Then there’s the fact that this is a group chat. Anyone in it can leave at any time.
Then I came across the messages that started this whole gc, and it only got stranger when I realized Alice started it, called it “Women Lovers” and created it “so we can talk about Nevermore women without having to filter ourselves” after they all reacted to a sultry but sfw drawing of Lenore that crimson had made and posted in our hideout channel. And all that made me wonder why Alice didn’t just kick crimson, if she had admin power? Do you see what I mean? It’s just all a bit head tilty. I noticed it at the time. But I said nothing. Because it didn’t matter. Crimson, no matter what happened, exposed minors to nsfw content. And that’s on them. And I’ve never in my life defended it. We banned them.
Crimson was beside herself. She came off humiliated and apologetic, and insisted she had no idea and begged to come back to a community she said she loved. But we told her no, there’s no coming back from doing what she did.
Time passes and we uncover Clique #1. And while we figured out who the main players were, I dmed with Laci. And it was Laci herself, who tells me that it was Alice who made most of Clique #1’s alt accounts, and that it was Alice who used those alt accounts to harass people and try to get them to start fights or say something that might get them in trouble.
And I’ll be honest with you, the mod team still didn’t think much of it, outside of – we need to figure out which accounts were the alts. So we did. We had several confirmed to us. And those accounts were zeroing in on certain users that the clique didn’t like. At the time we noticed two notable targets in addition to the mod team. I won’t name them, it’s their business if they want to weigh in about all that. But in screencaps, they’ll be labeled Target #1 and Target #2.
More time passes and Clique #2 comes to light. As you can imagine, by now we’re feeling disillusioned, and very tired of trying to moderate shit we cannot see for ourselves. And that’s when crimson comes back to very hesitantly ask if they might be able to appeal their ban. It wasn’t until then that it occurred to us that Laci (on behalf of Alice) was the only one who ever reported anything to us about Crimson.
And I want to just say that again. Because it’s gotten lost too. Laci was the only person who ever reported Crimson. There was not one single other person who ever sent a modmail or a dm or even a ping to anybody on the mod team. I have since (only yesterday) seen some screencaps that are rather skin crawly, but even those happened in yet another side server. Thinking on this, the mods went back through the known alt accounts Alice had used. And they found that Alice harassed crimson both on her main account and on the same alt accounts that she used to harass the other targets.
By now, Alice is banned for completely unrelated reasons. Not because of what happened with Crimson. I’ve seen that one flying around and I’m sorry it’s just not true. It’s because she was relentlessly harassing and cyberbullying people in the discord we moderate. Laci is still there, but had lost my trust, for being involved with both the drama I’ve mentioned here and more that I don’t care to dip into. It’s ultimately irrelevant. But what am I going to say to Laci? “Hey, did you and Alice, by any chance, coordinate some kind of bizarre trap together to get crimson banned from the discord because you suspected them of tracing their art?” And once again. Because I want to keep this top of mind. Even if that were the case, it doesn’t make what Crimson did alright, and it never will. Sharing nsfw content in front of minors is a disgusting thing to do. And one that we frankly are really irritating about in the moderation of the discord. I’ve heard people say that we over-moderate when it comes to art.
But all this stuff about a “known pedophile?” If it was known, then we were on the outs. And to even this minute right now, I don’t have any conclusive evidence that Crimson is a pedophile. The evidence I have is that Crimson shared nsfw with a group of people whose ages they did not know. Which is fucking gross. It’s an adult’s responsibility to make sure they’re speaking with other adults before posting things of that nature.
But at the time, the way I read the situation is that Crimson had only just stopped being a minor and was egregiously negligent in how they were speaking and what they were posting, likely in part due to them not being aware enough of their adult responsibilities. And hey. I know some of you are chomping at the bit. You can call me naïve for this! This is what I’m referring to when I say that I can be a real idiot. But I feel everyone has been very quick to call Crimson a pedophile. I know this is pedantic to say, but the prerequisite for being a pedophile is “being attracted to minors.” Based on the information I had at my fingertips, I did not think Crimson sought out these minors. Crimson was invited to the gc, they did not ask to join.
I have seen discussions about all the things crimson did to their victims since we unbanned them but I have not seen screencaps to support that whole ‘marriage proposal’ thing, and again I think it sounds a bit odd coming as a pedophilia accusation from someone only one year younger than crimson.
But you know what? I don’t know crimson. Maybe we were wrong. But even if we weren’t, I realize in hindsight that it was a stupid decision for the mod team to give them a second chance. We didn’t have anyone to consult about what happened because all the other people in the chat had been obscured from me and I didn’t feel like Laci would give me a straight answer.
The mods and I felt at the time that crimson, like the other targets of Clique #1, had been singled out and that they deserved another very closely monitored chance in the discord, which they said they still missed dearly. I’m a bleeding heart, alright? A total sap. I know that. But being honest with you, I felt bad. It feels horrible to be singled out and targeted. And I was probably too close to that feeling at the time, seeing as we were on the tail end of finding out the Clique #2 had pursued me so relentlessly for so long.
So for my part, I’m sorry. I made a rash decision that was influenced by some very personal circumstances. And we should have left it alone. Based on the evidence I've seen, I don’t know if I personally would call crimson a pedophile and certainly I wouldn't call them a known pedophile, but I am regretful that we risked it either way.
When I was trying to explain all of this in the west common room channel two nights back, things had boiled over and were already getting out of hand very quickly. A lot of brand new accounts were joining the discord with one word intros just to start conflicts in the public server with crimson. Alts. Either from banned users or burner accounts. And I got panicky. One of the mods paused the messages in west common room but no one besides me was available to handle the situation at that moment. Reacts about being silenced were pouring in and I felt pressured to quickly take over and try to explain.
In my rush, I stupidly didn’t backread more than a quick skim. And I ate shit, y’all. You saw. One thing I want to state outright. I’m talking a lot about my thoughts and my feelings and it’s because I don’t wanna speak for Flynn or for the mods. But I didn’t make this decision alone. In fact, I was dragging my feet and being really lazy about okaying the whole thing. Just because I was busy, not because I was fretting over it or anything. But I had to be pinged and then literally tapped on the shoulder by Flynn, asking me to respond to mod chat when this was being discussed earlier that day. That doesn’t change the fact that I was part of the decision. I agreed to unban crimson. Foolishly. I understand that, now.
I hope that now it makes some more sense though, how it came to happen. I never meant to hurt anyone. My own past and present feelings got in the way, and I own that. But in the moment, my personal intention was to give crimson a second chance because I felt that they’d been targeted by Clique #1. Not to ignore anyone’s concerns or make them feel unsafe, even if those were the ultimate outcome.
So, completely underprepared and defensive, I jumped into west common room and I just. Blew it. Totally fucking blew it. I knew it instantly but it’s hard to stay logical when people are telling you you’re vile and evil and they’re sick that they ever thought you were a good person and that they’ll never see you the same way again. My mind went blank and I don’t really remember much of what happened next. But I said what I said, and I should have done better.
I wish there was a word bigger than sorry. I’m beside myself. I know there was probably a way to make everyone happy. To make everything okay. But I wasn't clever enough to figure it out in the moment, and it eats at me. So it’s like I’m sorry for my poor judgment and my terrible choice of words, but there’s another layer where I’m also sorry for not matching how wonderful this community is with how wonderful (or well, unwonderful) I was two nights ago. I promise I am going to work harder to be better for you all.
Again, to every victim of SA and CSA, my heart is with you, more personally than you might realize. I don’t think I could have handled my explanation in a worse way. And I’m so so sorry.
Moving forward, I am also going to take an enormous step back from moderating and participating in the discord in general. I feel like a lot of this happened because I was still treating it like it belonged to a smaller fandom, like Shiloh’s. But realistically, I don’t have time to both moderate and make the series itself, and I really dragged my feet on being honest with myself about that. And for that too, I apologize. We’re going to get more mods, they’re going to have full control of the moderation, and Flynn and I are going to do what we love more than anything in the world and just make Nevermore.
I understand if you won’t be there for it. This is not a flattering picture I’ve painted for you. And you’d be well within your rights, to decide not to give us another chance. But it's been a pleasure to lurk here in this wildly talented corner of tumblr. And I’ll never forget it. <3 Yours truly, -Kit Trace
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