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genesisrose74 · 4 years ago

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Karasuno Boys Singing Headcanons!

A/n: By this point I hope that everyone has seen the masterpiece that is Sugawara’s wonderful voice actor singing Under the Sea, which has won the spot in my heart for cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I then proceeded to go off the deep end of Haikyuu voice actors singing and safe to say I was in no way disappointed, so here’s some Karasuno boys singing headcanons! If you have any requests my ask box is open 💖 enjoy!

Daichi

Is it just me or would Daichi not care if someone heard him singing

He seems like the type of person who hums all the time

Partly because it helps relax him after yelling at the team all day LMAO He doesn’t necessarily sing with lyrics every chance he gets, but when he does he’s pretty casual about it

He’ll sing in the car a lot, and it was actually the first place you heard him

Boy has a soothing playlist for school days and you always like hearing his voice when he drives you in the mornings

Will hum when you’re both doing schoolwork in his or your house

Doesn’t realize he has a good voice, so he never tries to show off all that often in front of people and thus the team has not heard him full out sing yet

So when they does hear him like, actually singing for the first time at the end of practice they’re SHOOK

Tanaka and Nishinoya instantly start spamming you with texts, asking why you hid away such a precious secret for so long

You’re sitting in the library staring at your constantly vibrating phone like ??? doesn’t he sing all the time?

When you end up texting the boys this question they go absolutely feral

At this point Daichi is losing his voice yelling at the team to calm tf down

Suga is cackling in the corner of the team gym cause he been knew

It’s absolutely chaotic literally someone come save Daichi please-

Sugawara

HAHA GET READY BOYS

Official team mom of Karasuno sings all the damn time don’t even get me started

Always humming some upbeat tune doing schoolwork, cleaning up after practice, in the car, etc.

Seriously when is this sweet baby not singing

The team is well aware of this, especially the sideline cheer squad (Yamaguchi, moi ippon nice serve!)

Tell me he does not make up rhyming cheers under his breath during matches I dare you

Will literally make up a stupid song on the spot to describe whatever he is currently doing or feeling

Hinata bathroom vibes tbh but it’s even more out of the blue

“Got an A on my exam today, and things are going my way”

“Suga, for the love of everything please stop”

“Daichi thinks I’ll listen to what he’ll say, but I’m singing more anyway”

He is always on board with karaoke whenever Karasuno has team bonding nights

One time you are invited to this by Suga himself and he gets up and starts singing a Disney song haha guess which one

And as often as the team has heard him sing mans is feeling it tonight for whatever reason and y’all can tell

You have never heard anyone sing Under the Sea so passionately before but it’s a gift and you’re not complaining

Asahi

Boy is so insecure oh my gosh please give him some support

Very shy about singing in front of anyone and everyone

The only time you’ve ever heard him sing was when you were over at his house and he was taking a shower

You had gone downstairs to get a snack from the kitchen and when you come back up he’s singing alongside one of his playlists

You don’t know if it’s because of the steam and the solid acoustics in the bathroom but he doesn’t sound half bad

You try not to startle him as soon as he gets out because you know how flustered he’d get

But then a while later while y’all are studying on his bed you just casually bring it up like ‘You have a nice voice, Asahi’ and that’s all

He’s a little shocked at first that you heard him but kind of smiles and sighs in relief because you liked his singing!! 🥺

Precious teddy bear is totally happy for the rest of the week, like that’s how much your praise means to him sdlkgjfdjsof he’s too cute

Eventually warms up to humming little tunes around you

He’s really blushy when he does but you pretend not to notice for his sake lmao

It makes you so warm inside that he feels comfortable enough to let you hear him

Ennoshita

In this house we do not sleep on Ennoshita

As much as he is the mom of the second years he will flaunt his stuff whenever he gets the chance and this is one of those times

If a generic pop song is on at literally any point in time and he hears it, damn right he’s going to sing

When it comes to singing Ennoshita is hands down the most chaotic no question about it

Sometimes he’ll actually sing a verse pretty decently

And then the next line is just the embodiment of a dumpster fire and he does not care

These are the only times that Tanaka and Noya get irritated with him and not the other way around

But Ennoshita doesn’t give a shit, he’s so cheeky

Like he’ll be walking through the mall and a banger of a song like Fergalicious comes on over the speakers? You’re done for

Even if he doesn’t know the lyrics at certain points, or deadass does not know any of them at all, he’ll just power through

If there is a sports banquet complete with dancing and music and the team attends, Ennoshita is tearing up the floor and singing his heart out

Honestly you’re a little scared to interfere cause what is he even doing-

He has made quite a few friends from opposing teams with his frankly lunatic level energy

I’m looking at you Oikawa, Tendou

Tanaka

ANIME. INTROS.

He sounds EXACTLY like that opening singer from Bungou Stray Dogs I wonder why

No but actually we all heard his little song in season one, when he’s late and walking to the gym like what a king-

In summary he is a pretty good singer

Most definitely a frequent participant during team karaoke nights and everyone enjoys his little performances

When he realizes that girls actually like guys who can sing he starts using this to his advantage

And surprisingly it ended up working

You’re out at karaoke with some friends one night and you hop outside to get some more food for your group when you hear somebody slaying Rough Diamonds; your mind instantly goes to Food Wars

It catches your interest and then you realize...this dude goes to your school? You are positively whipped

He sees you from the doorway and when he realizes you’re enjoying the song he amps it up another three notches

Achievement get: girlfriend

Karaoke dates and other such outings happen often, thank you very much

As much as he enjoys singing he does not overdo it like Ennoshita, who has been limited to three songs per night every time the group goes out, please for the sake of everyone’s eardrums

Nishinoya

As Tanaka’s best friend and as the co-president of simps everywhere, Nishinoya is another common singer during karaoke nights

Having fun and maybe picking up a cute girl at the end of it all? That’s literally his life agenda

He either goes for the badass, headbanging songs that are super energetic, or he jams out to the generic and famous pop groups’ songs

There is no in between

Noya has a slightly deeper singing voice but sometimes he’ll go for the stupid high notes for fun and just...completely fails

The fact that he has never successfully hit one of those notes doesn’t deter him in the slightest though; his goal is to get there at least once before he dies

He can sing so many popular TikTok audios and you can’t decide whether to be impressed or slightly disappointed with that fact

Noya doesn’t really sing at practice just because he’s focused, but when he’s walking home or getting food from Sakanoshita afterwards he might start randomly singing something

The type of person who has like a billion different playlists on his phone for the most obscure moods (honestly same Noya)

Like there’s one named “Bad Test Grade But I Won a Free Popsicle Kind of Feeling” don’t even ask

Will put on a concert in his room and perform a whole lineup of these songs for you

Sometimes you think it’s just so he can avoid doing schoolwork but you let him get away with it occasionally

cause you’d never tell him but it’s so entertaining and kinda hot what

Tsukishima

OH GOD THIS BOY

I swear you have tried time and time again to figure out whatever the hell kind of music he listens to with those chonky headphones of his but you have never successfully completed that mission

There are only two - count em, TWO - instances where you have ever witnessed this embodiment of a salt shaker doing anything resembling singing

Number one was a literal meme TikTok where you were using Beyond the Mysterious Beyond from Land Before Time as your audio

You didn’t expect Tsukki to recognize it at all

But he’s in the top corner of your phone screen and he is deadass LIP SYNCING EVERY WORD and you’re SENT INTO ORBIT

DOES HE STUTTER? NOPE

Should have expected that Mr. Dinosaur Obsessed would have watched Land Before Time and loved the all the bops

That video is forever saved in your drafts because he’d literally end you if that went public but you refuse to completely get rid of it

Second time, our french fry child actually sings because Yamaguchi forces him to do a song with him lmao

It only lasts for about three verses but it’s all anyone has heard from him before and is therefore a blessing from above

If anyone has heard these two singing Sarishinohara on YouTube you know what I’m talking about if not look it up it’s an absolute gift

Literal perfection in a duet like?? Everyone is depressed when they realize that Tsukki’s voice had been hidden from the world until that very moment

We will cherish this short taste of Singing! Tsukki for all time amen 😔🙏

Yamaguchi

Like Asahi, this precious bean is also shy about his singing

But he will sometimes get a burst of confidence if he’s having a really good day or if someone is singing with him

When those moments arrive they are wonderful

He sounds like an angel, not even exaggerating he’s just so pure

Has a very light tone no matter how the song originally sounds and it’s really soothing to be honest

When his little bouts of confidence wear off please for the love of God praise him in any way shape or form, it makes him feel good about himself

On team bus rides to games, he and Yachi will sometimes sing fun tunes together to calm each others’ nerves and it’s incredibly precious

Tsukki will send you videos of this pregame ritual and you have a folder reserved for them in your camera roll

Everyone say thank you Tsukki

He will sing for you if you’re feeling super down about something because he knows you love it

Never fails to calm you down and cheer you up, and Yams knows in those moments that he would gladly sing for the rest of his life if it made you smile

We stan one soft, talented bean sprout

Kageyama

Another stubborn boy when it comes to singing in front of other people

He will hum on rare occasion but don’t expect much more

You start to realize that whenever he does start humming, though, it’s always the same song, so one day you ask him about it

It’s a song his grandfather used to sing to him when he was little and he uses it to calm himself down

You almost start crying on the spot because you know how much his grandpa meant to him

Kags says there were lyrics to it but he doesn’t remember them besides a few random words scattered here and there

It becomes your personal mission to find the rest of the lyrics because you’ll be damned if your precious baby goes another day without hearing them again

Finally after countless obscure Google searches you find the song

But you don’t know how to casually bring up the fact that you had spent hours obsessively looking for them into a conversation-

So one day you’re hanging out with Kageyama, but he’s been in an awful mood all week, and you decide to start singing the song that his grandpa used to but including the lyrics

And when he recognizes the words and puts the chorus together, he instantly relaxes and starts singing it with you

He is so touched and thankful that he can finally recall the song in its entirety, and now you both sing said song to each other whenever the other is feeling down

I love him so much my heart-

Hinata

When you find out he can sing you’re absolutely floored

Literally the only time in his life that Hinata can successfully speak English words and it’s in a song? And it’s coherent?? It’s a miracle

The whole team gets on his ass about sucking at English in class but being able to obliterate those lyrics when they come up in a song and the poor tangerine gets all huffy

hE’s tRyiNg HiS bESt oKaY

His range is SO GOOD THOUGH WHAT-

You’re in the middle of a store with him and he’s been occasionally singing along to the music from the speakers and at this point you’re not even surprised at how good he sounds

But then he just starts singing in falsetto

BOI- When I say your jaw is on the floor I am not playing games

The power he holds is beyond comprehension

He’s looking at you confused like did he do something wrong?

When you proceed to flip out over how great he just sounded baby gets so embarrassed how cute

Again, one of those people who just doesn’t know their gift and it makes him even more precious

I would kill to have his capabilities like imagine the talent; if that whole volleyball thing doesn’t work out there’s also the music industry sir-

In conclusion: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS SUNSHINE A MIC THANK YOU

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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742

Are we alike? So True or False, Yes or No. Explain if you'd like. You are 16 years old. 16+6. You are a junior in high school. Graduating college senior. Math and Science aren't your best subjects. I was definitely more of an arts student. I only did great in math and science when I liked the topics we were learning, but otherwise I never felt like exerting as much effort for them as I did for classes like history. Your dog is really little. He’s medium-sized. He’s a really weird size actually hahaha and I guess it’s because he’s mixed. He’s too big to be classified as a small dog and too small to be grouped with the larger dogs. You love being tan. I mean I obviously don’t go advertising how much I love it, but it’s definitely nothing to complain about.

You think you are pretty for the most part. I have my days. You love making other people smile. Getting people’s approval is always a nice achievement. You love bracelets or just wearing jewelry in general. I think jewelry’s pretty but I’m particular about them – I prefer them to be silver and for them to have subtle designs, never explosive as I think that’s a tad bit tacky. Also I prefer necklaces to bracelets. TLC is one of your favorite channels on TV. It certainly would be if I still regularly watched television. I know for a fact Gab and I will tune in to TLC when I crash at her place. You have been in three different countries. Six, so far. You have ridden in a plane. Yeah well I live in an archipelago, so we’re separated from all the countries near us and have had to ride planes to get to them. You’re learning how to drive a car. I already did. I’ve had my license for four years. You have had 3 serious boyfriends. You believe you can only have 1 true love. As a demi this is typically how I think, but I like keeping my mind open. I know this is certainly not how it works for a lot of people, and that’s valid. You have a job. You have been to Aruba. No but if anything this reminded me of Friends because this was where Rachel was supposed to have her honeymoon before she ran out of her wedding hah. That contributed absolutely nothing to the conversation but yep. You love little babies or children :) Yes, and it increases as I get older. I have to practice for when it’s my turn, lol. You can't wait to get married one day. You always try to have a smile on your face. Not always. I allow myself to be sad or cranky if I want to. Your emotions change very easily. Sometimes. It’s not a dominant trait of mine though; I can typically keep my emotions consistent and it’s only volatile if I’m under a lot of pressure or stress. You cry very easily. Yep, I’m very sensitive. Earlier today I cried over a girl’s Tiktok about her dog with diabetes and the adjustments that had to be made for him, like how he stopped going down the stairs or sleeps a lot more these days. You cry a lot. Yes, because I cry easily. You have a boyfriend you have been with for a while. Girlfriend. You hate when people say 'I love you' too quickly. Idk, I haven’t had to deal with this. The hair on your legs grow very quickly. Not very quickly but yeah it does grow back after a certain amount of time. I shave every one or two weeks. You always feel like your back needs cracked. It’s definitely not in the best shape, coupled with the fact that I already have scoliosis to begin with. You’re still trying to determine what you want to do after high school. I have career fields in mind but as for exact jobs, no. You love fashion. I like keeping up with what’s trending within my age group but I’m not obsessed with fashion at all, like I don’t know the fashion week schedules or who the biggest models are these days, and I still think some fashion trends don’t make sense. You love shopping for school dance dresses. You think decorating is very cool. It’s okay. I wouldn’t do it myself but I have friends who are great at decorating, like Laurice, and I think it’s a good and a pretty cool skill to have. You always seem to be cold. Not always, but I do feel cold more easily than the people I know. I’m always the first one to grab a jacket, a blanket, or to move further away from the AC. Still, I prefer being cold than hot. You love hot weather. Oh my god fuck no. 22 years of living in a tropical country and I’ve had just about enough of the sun which is all we get all year round. I can’t wait to live somewhere with a lot of rain and with snow. You have tanned in a tanning bed. I don’t have to; plus aren’t those really unhealthy to stay in? You aren't a very good cook. I can’t even call myself a cook. You aren't an independent person. Hah, no sir. I find comfort in doing almost everything with at least one person with me, even if it’s just grabbing a snack or having something photocopied in school. I went to UPTC alone ONCE just to try having dinner all by myself cause everyone seemed to have great experiences of it, but I hated every second of being alone. You like any type of food, you aren't picky. The only foods I’ll refuse are fruit and anything with raisins on them, but generally I’m not hard to feed.

Country is your favorite kind of music. You quit watching American Idol. I quit when I realized all the wrong people kept winning. If I remember right, the last straw for me was Scotty McCreery over Lauren Alaina. You like the show 'Big Brother'. I never did get into it, but everyone did. I used to think something was wrong with me for not enjoying any season of the show, but eventually I stopped caring. You used to like Jersey Shore. I was only interested in it because it felt edgy to watch as a 12 year old lmao, but I was never obsessed. You think tye dye is super cool. It’s definitely cool and fun to make, but it’s not the first, fifth, or thirtieth thing I’d wear. You love glitter. Your nails are almost always painted. Total opposite. You have had sex before. You have a best friend of the opposite sex. I have close friends, but no best friends. Andrew is the best closest guy friend I have, probs. You have been stabbed in the back a few times. You don't trust many people. Again, quite the opposite. I like to believe everyone deserves trust in the beginning, but I have a rule to cut anyone who breaks that trust out of my life. You don't have many close friends. I have a lot of friends but I like keeping my closest circle small. You’re normally nice to everyone. Duh? You like to meet new people. Egh, it depends on who it is. I can find other people exhausting to talk to from the get-go; or sometimes I’ll find them too different and I just know no friendship is gonna come out of it. Sometimes you can be pretty shy. I’ve learned to be a bit more extroverted through the years but I’ve never lost my trademark shyness hahaha. You don't have any secrets. This blog is a big glaring secret from everyone I know. Your boyfriend has supported you through your hardest times. Girlfriend. You have a scar from cutting your leg while shaving. Not right now, but it’s happened a few times. You think flowers are very pretty. They’re okay. I’m not crazy about them but I do like giving/receiving bouquets. You hate nature. I have no reason to; it’s peaceful and beautiful. You don't like animals very much. Love them. You like to eat meat, any kind. I wouldn’t try all kinds of meat. Like I wouldn’t eat cats, dogs, or anything that’s critically endangered. But I do tend to be adventurous with meat, much like with any other dish I try. You have eaten donkey before. You’re pretty close with your parents. Like I said in an old survey, we have a buddy-type of relationship. We don’t hate each other but we also wouldn’t have heart-to-heart talks with one another and we’re so not emotionally close. You are also very close with your sibling(s). My sister and I also tend to treat each other like friends, ^ just like that. We’re not emotionally close either; when my sister’s cat died last week I could only send her comforting messages on Messenger because we’re not the type to visit each other’s rooms and cry to each other. You don't mind being around your family. If there is anything I learned in the last two months, it’s that this exact fact holds true. You love summer. Only when there is a trip planned. Otherwise, I don’t enjoy the weather at all. You don't know how to swim. There were always a couple of months allotted for swimming PEs in all years in my old school, so I know basic swimming and treading. You like being a teenager. It was okay. It certainly got better when I finally fit in somewhere and got invited to teenager stuff. You thought you were depressed at some point in your life. I was, throughout my teenage years. These days I’ll occasionally have very low points, but I don’t think it’s severe depression anymore. You feel like someone is growing apart from you. No, not at this point in my life. You like to take walks. With this climate, I always bitch about walking haha. When school was still ongoing I would typically drive everywhere, no matter how near my destination was. You aren't very good at buying gifts for people. I wouldn’t say this. I pride myself on being a good listener and by extension, being a good gift-giver. I’ve often made Gab cry with my gifts. You love seeing couples in love. Sure but tbh I’m partial to same-sex couples because I see them a lot less. When I see one in public I always make sure to give them a kind smile. You love weddings :) I haven’t been to one since I was 9, but sure. You are addicted to sweets. You get scared very easily. Only at night. You don't like to be alone. If I’m doing stuff outside, then yes this is the case. Otherwise I don’t mind having alone time at home. Many people have asked if you were black, but really you're white. I’m neither of these. You could do without the TV. Have been for a few years now. You text a lotttt. Back when everything was normal and I had load on my phone every week, yep. I don’t really need to text anyone these days, though. You tend to make extra letters on your words. Only occasionally. You hate when people use bad grammar. It only bugs me when I expect them to know better, like if an American is being cocky or racist but still fucks up basic grammar; or if a Filipino wants to act like a know-it-all and obviously has poor command of English, but still forces themselves to speak it when they could very well speak Filipino in this hugely bilingual country lmao. You have a little bit of chub on you but you aren't fat. Not really. I only get bloated after I eat but my metabolism is very quick and it disappears relatively quickly. You are pretty good at rollerblading. I was never good at it even though I practiced a lot. I generally have bad balance. You wish you were a good gymnast. Sure, I feel that this is a very cool skill to have. I remember being fascinated by the gymnasts from Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo and how prettily they spun their ribbons. You are a competitive cheerleader. I am not, but it was one of my dreams. You are very uncoordinated. I wouldn’t say very. I’m not very physical these days and I can be clumsy, but my hand-eye coordination has stayed sharp all these years from playing table tennis; and I was good at futsal and had good reflexes when we had to play it for PE. You aren't good at making decisions, but you try your best. You love God very much :) This is such a hard pass it deserves a strikethrough.

You love lotion and perfume. I love the variety that’s available out there, but I don’t splurge. You wish you could own everything in Victoria's Secret. You wish you could be a model. You hate when girls are sluts. Even the word ‘slut’ isn’t gonna fly by in 2020, much less this entire statement. You hate when people act dumb on purpose. Don’t we all? You don't care what other people think of you. Depends on who it is. Some opinions will matter, and some won’t. You love to cuddle. You wish you could bake. I wish I can be good at the kitchen in general but tbh I always let my fear of fire and knives take over and I’m always left too scared to learn. You would like to own a pool. When I’m richer, sure. You kind of regret a few things... You want a little tattoo that no one can see. I kind of want my tattoos to be personal to me, yes.

#survey #surveys

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t-underneaththeradardancing · 5 years ago

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fuck - idk how - well to do lots of things - and we do know tech hate t - thats not quite on point or en garde either - but tonights post performance post mortem - paint it black

the good - tree climbing leaf and dirt hair - once unconfused t can plaze guitar - lox and bagel - some made up on the spot music - some magic - lots of love - love aint always enuff - uh chili dogs and fries - vitas voice - liam showing and again doing the hard but right thing/s

the bad chili dog hair t gets confused sometimes ez tho we find workarounds - its not cheating to tell him the key and a couple chords specially if u usin a capo on a song he never herd - just sayin

the ugly uh duz blood and pain count im ok shame the people and soul less beings who cause/d the feelings of shame ketchup hair

we end up laffing way too much - thing is - today started fucked up and pretty much stayed on track - u know its been uh different since the biz - and yah there still is one - its changing gonna change more prob - maybe not better just different

we cries a lot also

we heal then

well when u wear ur heart on ur sleeve and ur food in ur hair

a step back may be in order

me i prefer to wear my food on my clothes - it stains better - hair is ez to wash

did i mention i lissened to crywolf angels ep like 3 or 4 x yesterday and some el vy - theres maybe half a dozen ppl readin who will unnastand - if i mention sad bastards duz it help - no - well just move along then it dont matter much

( translation - t is being maudlin again cuz he depressed and future trips heartache and rejection - no not a romance - tho the looks - nevermind )

so y is ketchup hair ugly - its a condiment - now we know that dirt is an excellent conditioner - ask any potato u happen to - i have gazed more than a few x at the moon - this eve tonight - i wuz gonna say that life had gotten 2 surreal then forgot when it even more happen - and not the good kind of surreal either - another luxury problem the wrong kind of surreal - did u get it a amazon or ikea and yah - that splains it manstyle - if u cant laff about ketchup hair - i mean wtf

ok t - u so fukken cryptic and in group mindfuck - can u bottom line it or readers digest condensed milk - damn it - its contagious - ( another editor quits )

it started a little fucked up - was sposed to meet for acupuncture b4 java - things ran late - acu close early on weekends earlier than i thot so no - vita been going thru lots of hard uh lifestuff - it manifests and affects - we both been uh stressed at best - self destructive on various levels at worst w a little delusional thinking inna mix moi at least - we feel deeply and connect and empath sometimes for an instant completely - its not always pleasant cuz we human - despite everything going on - we go to do wat we do - play music w transcendence aim for attained rarely for more than glimpse but sometimes - magic - we trance in and out and different levels and different reality layers conflict - and too much too soon specially w a broken heart ( no not me - my heart is good - well yah the heart attack thing but we talkin soul heart ) and some ugly inna mix but not aimed at and self directed - we at our different homes safe or mostly - hope so - its late now unless u a musician or a barfly and last call wuz a few minutes ago even at the hardcore - there is love in my heart - a bit of dread - hope a smidgen maybe an ember that i fan boy - oh yah - we played - some barely ok - some goodish - a few really good moments - hearts not completely but then in it - a baddish incident - then we play a couple more songs like something proving not a victory lap not at all sir - prolly vita and i and i last performance in a while - slight chance madrone tomorrow but not prolly and im exhausted but maybe - we get together maybe 2 x this week if we lucky - she has a last jazz concert i think sat - imma meet her mom who tuff as nails north korean born and raised - really - that will b uh - interesting t interesting and a pleasure - maybe ask vita her name and practice - nah - she might as well meet the awkward fucktard albeit a well behaved version - but i will do wat i always - apologize in advance and assure by the 3rd time i will at least b very close lol prolly not socialize much after - it would b nice if she likes me but tbh expecting disapproval - extreme wariness at least - i would if i was her - then off to college - imma wait till she settle in maybe has a friend - dont want ppls 1st impressions of her to b w a weird af and old as guitar playing friend - at some point we b recording maybe podcast of some healing writing she been doing w music cuz low key but an ep - or album - theres enough good songs and we fuck around w a few more half maybe mostly written inna works

its after 2 am exhausted not sleepy wired cuz its been that kinda day - sorry but not for the cryptic - things happen not to b ashamed of - we played music and performed as well - real as fuck if nothing else - it could b a month or more before we perform again together - there is still a biz - how much vita will b able to contribute uncertain - sometimes fucked up things happen - nobodys fawlty towers no guilty party

love

#poetry i guess #post performance post mortem #feel free to skip parts or all

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sunnisms · 5 years ago

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╰ ☀ ✧ ˖ SON NAEUN. CISFEMALE. SHE/HER. ‖ EVEN AFTER LEAVING, SHE STILL LINGERS ‖ have you seen SUNHEE ‘SUNNI’ SONG at the beach recently? i remember them being so VIVACIOUS, but they seemed a little IN DENIAL today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only TWENTY-TWO years old. even then, they still remind me of CANDID POLAROID PICTURES, SECRET KISSES IN THE DRESSING ROOM, BLACK SILK DRESSES, AND FITS OF LAUGHTER.

tw: mental & emotional abuse, loss of a family member, depression

background !

so sunni never goes by her first name, and if you ever call her by her first name it better be for something REAL serious otherwise she’ll slap you ok

comes from a family of four sisters, with her being the second youngest and oH YEAH she rebelled pretty hard growing up. it was mainly because her father passed away due to a car crash when she was only about two or three ? her youngest sister was just a baby and her mother completely broke down and just stopped functioning as a human being

her oldest sister had to grow up SUPER fast and was basically the mother sunni and her siblings needed. she didn’t make it easy for her two oldest sisters, but she loves her family dearly but despises her mother for giving up the way she did and basically give up on living and not being apart of this family anymore

seeing her mother do that after losing someone she loved did leave a mental block in sunni’s mind when it came to love. the thought of giving her all to someone like that was TERRIFYING so while growing up sunni simply dated here and there, mostly just for the hell of it and quickly dumped them a few months later

honestly sunni doesn’t let a relationship go longer than two months. she feels anything longer than that and real feelings start to develop and that’s just disguesting y’know ?

so yeah, she sleeps around QUIET a bit, i mean when she lost that v-card, the girl went kind of crazy ( she found out she was bisexual when she was fifteen and has a hUGE weakness for girls ok )

growing up, sunni also found her love in photography. candid pictures are her favorite, just capturing moments and people by surprise, she feels it really show cases true emotions. she also loves taking pictures of landscapes and has gone on multiple road trips with her friends just to add more pictures to her collection

sunni was diagnosed with adhd as a child, so school wasn’t the easiest time for her. she could never stay still and loved talking over the teacher, so she def wasn’t a teachers pet and got called to the principles office at least three times a week so that was fun

there were a lot of times sunni did some pretty reckless things, mainly b/c she just thought i’d make for a good story, but mainly to see if it would trigger something in her mother and sadly it never did so she just kind of gave up on that and doesn’t really refer to her mother as her mother, but really as just “that corpse that sits in her bedroom all day” waaaay harsh sunni, i know

sunni had been trying to get into the photography business by selling her work and even wanting to work for some kind of big top magazine company but it was proving to be harder than she thought and suddenly money was growing tighter and tighter and she was tired of living off her sisters sOOO what else does a beautiful woman like sunni do to earn a lot of cash fast ?

ya she that basic bish that turned to stripping, woo ! and let’s just say that sunni kind of, sort of, L O V E S it tbh, it makes her feel so alive and sexy and she’s just very confident with her body and sexuality and who knew she was so good at dancing ??

and i know what you’re thinking, mama rose, pls don’t tell me she mets her ex at the strip club bUT YES SHE MEETS HER EX AT THE STRIP CLUB but plot twist, her ex was also a stripper with her

she taught sunni all the tricks and tools to stripping, what to do and what not to do and the two became pretty close due to having similar backstories. at first they would just hang out and do harmless flirting, and one drunk night they ended up sleeping together and sunni didn’t think much of it cause she’s done that plenty of times, only it wasn’t just a one time thing. they did it often and the next thing sunni knew, they were doing it while sober and feelings started to arise and sunni was FREAKING DA FCK OUT

and she tried to push this girl away ( we’ll call her…ophelia, why not ) but ophelia wouldn’t let her, she fought back and told sunni she cared for her and before she knew it, the two were dating and sunni had never felt happier ?

they knew stripping was just a job and they knew who they’d be coming home to at the end of the day. the relationship passed two months, and sunni knew it was something real. three, four, eight months pass and things seemed to be getting better and better…until they got into a huge fight one night. and ophelia began to say harsh things that really threw sunni for loop. how sunni was a failure as a photographer, and that she would end up like her mother if she ever left ophelia: completely broken and worthless

and for some reason sunni believed her, so she apologized and she stayed. and even tho ophelia began to cheat, began to degrade sunni’s photos and comment on how she was gaining a few pounds, sunni stayed because she felt that was truly all she deserved.

until a few months ago when she finally find her voice and stood up to ophelia after the final straw was taken. it was one of the worst nights of sunni’s life, but soon enough, her ex was packing her bags and moving out, quitting her job at the strip club and left town without a word. sunni was finally physically free from her ex’s grip, however her harsh words and strong grip still haunt her to this day.

of course sunni ain’t gonna show anyone she’s suffering mentally, like honestly i don’t think sunni would have ever told anyone about how ophelia truly was, she’d just make ppl think they simply felt out of love and she moved away and sunni is just like eh, it happens, who wants to sleep w/ me now that i’m a free woman asdlkfjlskd

so now she’s currently working on her photography and trying to get her work out there while also slaying at the club and making that dough. she’s a very outgoing and energetic person that doesn’t really have a filter but has a HUGE heart of gold.

wanted connections !

some regulars that visit her at the club

one night stands / fwb ( she’s got A LOT )

roommate(s) !

a muse, someone she takes pictures of quite a bit and they don’t mind too much

platonic soulmates ( a personal fave ) these two love each other dearly, always down for a cuddle session and watching some disney movies but it’s all very platonic and soft

besties, give her all the besties !!

maybe someone who’s close to one of her sisters ?

one sided crush, someone who has the icky feels for sunni and she just doesn’t feel the same but doesn’t know hot to reject them nicely

bad influence, someone who goes along with sunni’s crazy ideas and even adds to it

good influence, someone who brings sunni back down to earth and keeps her a little more stable

someone who was close to her ex ophelia ?

someone who sunni is/did help out w/ coming to terms with their sexuality

aaaannnddd that’s all i can think of atm, but i’m honestly down for anything <3

#tsunamintro #i said i was gonna change up sunni's relationship w/ her ex #but then i was like naahhh let's just...be lazy and leave it lol #tw: mental abuse #tw: depression #tw: loss of family member

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piamii · 5 years ago

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Taking a mental health day from work today but was really conflicted about how to word it.

Last year I took a few mental health days but there were 6 of us so maybe it was less conspicuous

It’s only me this year and I for some reason keep feeling this push pull with my supervisor to be close and honest with her

Last night I was feeling ok about work. But after once again not sleeping properly I feel like somethings up with me

I’m feeling all the ways I used to feel about my mental health

Being small is not okay, it’s not okay to let go, I’m responsible for all of my clients progress and safety

Which is true in a way but

I also have beeen thinking about the difference between me and my supervisor

She’s the only person I see on a regular basis. Like I see her 4 times a week

So I don’t know how to be myself, a postdoc

I keep comparing myself to her

I wondered to myself would anyone else take a mental health day in my position?

Who cares, others aren’t me

It’s like I forgot I’m extremely sensitive and have been sobbing every day and not sleeping well at all during the weekdays

My nutrition and hydration and shit has been ok, so I’m not getting sick which is the weird part

Im so incredibly emotionally constipated

There are so many incredibly destructive thoughts in my head right now that haven’t been addressed

Things have just gotten increasingly harder for a long time now and I can’t tell where adjustment starts and my dysfunctional mental state ends

Is it really ok for me to say work is too much?

Does it make me pathetic?

Didn’t I feel this way in all previous years too?

2nd year, it wasn’t like this but at least I was more honest with myself about how anxious and nervous I was about work. I definitely took it easy and complained more often. I slept poorly frequently on clinical days and would feel really angry about it. I don’t think I got sick more than once that year

3rd year i wasn’t sleeping quite as poorly but still had sleep problems, hated my commute. That was the year I kind of had to start blocking people out of my life, like not completely but was so down and exhausted that I couldn’t function socially outside of work and school. I didn’t get sick much tho. Definitely noticed SAD symptoms starting this year but to be honest felt somewhat depressed on and off through early winter until spring which is I guess the colder darker months in OR. I think I had some SI but it was towards the end of winter

4th year was when I had more somatic issues. My sleep was honestly not bad that year comparatively speaking but when m and I broke up during internship application season I had a bunch of health issues that resolved shortly after my interviews ended. Tbh internship interviews were a nice reprieve from the dark slump that probably would have hit me if I had just done school in the winter. I had my first sinus infection in spring and went to see Slushii anyways Hahahha.

Internship year... I had a sinus infection too and got a cold maybe 2 other times. Last year was the most I’ve ever gotten sick. I took a mental health day maybe like 3 times and actually used sick days too. I want to say this was the hardest year for me mental health wise until this year in terms of symptoms but the best in terms of self care. By like April/May I was feeling really good about life. Maybe it’s the weather here too idk

This year feels so much harder than the other years combined. I’ve used one sick day and two mental health days and I’m having a hard time understanding where I’m at mental health wise in conjunction with who I need to be to do well at work. It feels like I’m growing at an unmanageable pace. I’ve had the most frequent SI I’ve ever had in my life which is somewhat alarming to me. I’m safe don’t worry but I’m just saying the thoughts coming into my head. My sleep is getting reallynfucked up over these last 2 weeks. I sleep like a baby on the weekends which makes me feel like it’s stress related. On one hand I’m acclimating to this insane amount of stress and on the other hand it feels like every day I’m being stretched open and carved out.

I’m not even ruminating that much before bed anymore. Like I’m not actively distressed like I used to be when things hit me hard last year. I’m just constantly unhappy and anxious this year which I feel like is my lot in life right now. My self care has gotten much better last year and this year, but this year it’s been harder to find ways to relax. Things went downhill really fast, when the seasons finally changed here and I started seeing 4 of my clients in the field. I am most definitely consistently working over 40 hrs a week now. I tried really hard last year to work less whenever I could and honestly the agency was pretty good about giving us a reasonable workload. But now it feels like I’m meeting the real world, where work just comes at you and never says sorry. You had to do extra and stay longer this week? Sucks for you. You have to completely uproot your already untenable schedule because one of your clients has really a really complex risk presentation? Welp that’s the price of doing this work.

Like when I was told the weeks here typically don’t go past 40 hrs I feel like I was lied to. I feel alone and singled out bc I’m the only postdoc this year. I want to know how C felt 2 years ago. If there were 2 of us I feel like I’d be having an okay time. Can you fucking believe they had a hard time building to full caseload last year? It cannot be just me in this position. I want to give up every day.

I don’t feel protected I don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down. There is no one I talk to regularly that I can be honest with. I don’t have the energy to relay this information to the people I do talk to regularly which at this point is my supervisor and M. And like hell im going to tell my supervisor this stuff.

Is this the real world?

Something tells me it is, but I have to find a way through it somehow

I’m still debating about this one client. She’s on my mind a lot and I’m scared which is probably a parallel experience to what her family is experiencing.

The fuck you mean our ethical duty? What am I supposed to take away from that convo? I know I have my own voice and opinion but that made me feel really bad for not doing exactly as you said. I know I tend towards the anxious paranoid side of things but that really scared me because instilll can’t think straight about this client and I sure as hell cant go to you.

The relationship between e and I has changed too, I think she’s overwhelmed too

Something that keeps popping up over and over again is- how fucking awful it would be for a client to complete suicide

I know it happens and it’s time I face that this could happen

It’s a terrifying thought and I almost don’t want to tell anyone that I’m having it

It feels shameful and dangerous to think about, because if I can’t handle it who could?

Who can contain this for me and tell me it’s okay? I don’t want to fucking hear that I should do more

It’s a complex mess of emotions inside my head. I understand why I would need to do more in this situation but there’s no room for it. I want help in trying to balance but my schedule is already unbalanced and bringing me into a dark place emotionally.

What if because I took today off no one sees my hospital patients all week?

Friday is going to suck ass if that’s the case

I could ask my supervisor directly to see them

But I want to be small today

And that would take a lot from me

How does the psychology service work at the hospital during Xmas break?

Uhhhh....

Shit.

I’m scared for some stupid reason that someone will make me stay during break or I’ll have to work some crazy stupid long hours on Friday

I hate ongoing patients bc they still need to be seen but it’s kind of your choice whether or not to see them

It’s like adding an automatic to do to the list every time I’m there but the task takes 2 hrs at least

I’m always scared I have to stay late at the hospital, luckily the latest has been 6:30 but I’m terrified every time I go in that it’s going to be longer

This is new for me and it’s ok to get freaked out

To not have a clear idea how much I am going to work each day and each week really puts me off

I feel pathetic because aren’t there a lot of jobs that are unpredictable like that? Especially once you become salaried ?

My stomach is starting to hurt

It’s weird because I haven’t gotten any somatic symptoms this year but I’ve also been sobbing my eyes out every day so maybe that’s why my body is feeling okay. I haven’t really cried the last few days because I’m just very tired of crying at this point, so maybe that’s why my stomach has been hurting a bit more

Every time m says something nice to me, hell anytime anyone says something nice to me I start to cry and I’m just so fucking done with crying and feeling out of control just to have nothing change and things even get harder at work

Fuck!!!!!

I haven’t properly dealt with this terrified feeling

I have to tell myself this feeling is informative but separate from reality

I’m so fucking scared.

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yung-gunshot · 5 years ago

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In questions!

thank you denna @kisamas

1. What takes up too much of your time? rn its mainly vibeo game and anime. i still play djmax respect like almost every single day plus also playing ace combat 5 & 7 and i recently finished watching ergo proxy which was pretty cool

2. What makes your day better? cooking something yummy like pasta or curry makes my day better and just generally playing games something that distracts me from my problems at the moment

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? i made pasta with sausage, broccoli, and spinach for dinner and it was really good

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hm i havent really thought about this but i think it would be cool to see the netsphere from blame! but without being involved in all the fucked up stuff i just love the architecture

5. Are you good at giving advice? i would like to think so but none of my friends i know irl reach out to me so maybe i think not i just speak bollocks

6. Do you have a mental illness? hm not sure, i never got officially diagnosed but im pretty sure i may have developed depression ever since i graduated hs

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? i dont think i have

8. What musician inspires you the most? not sure about musicians but deathgrips and jpegmafia have kinda inspired me at the moment just because they make whatever they want without being afraid of what people think of them

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yea its happened twice now

10. What’s your dream date? i dont really think about this just because i dont think it will ever happen but i think just hanging out and going hiking anywhere would be nice and i really enjoy checking out new places to eat in town

11. What do others notice about you? not really sure about this question tbh maybe that im really easy to get along with? and i dont like the fact that i exist outside of my own perception

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? isolation? but also i tend to bounce my leg and play with my hair a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love? nope

14. How many exes do you have? 2

15. How many songs are in your playlist? im not really sure i just have 3 playlists on spotify that most songs go to depending on the mood they are pretty huge though so id say at least 100 per playlist

16. What instruments can you play? i used to be able to play the trumpet in elementary

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have lots of landscape pics from the places i go camping and hiking then its just anime girls memes etc

18. Where would you like to go before you die? i think it would be really nice to see japan, korea, and indonesia plus also visit every national park here in the us and some parts in mexico like cancun and puebla

19. What’s your zodiac? aquarius

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes but most of the time i think its stupid

21. What is happiness to you? just living a life where i dont have to maintain a certain image of myself and free from the pressures of modern day life and capitalism

22. Are you going through anything right now? yea i still havent registered for fall classes yet and also havent been able to find a job either and i lost my friendship with my best friend a month ago

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? i think telling my best friend i grew feelings for them is by far the worst thing ive done to date and its just something im never going to forgive myself for

24. What’s your favorite store? winco, samber and la chiquita (local hispanic stores) and grocery outlet

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nope

27. Do you have a favorite album? ive had a few as my all time fav like Emily’s D+Evolution , To Pimp A Butterfly and Toxicity, rn though im really enjoying Dog Whistle by Show Me the Body, Infest the Rats’ Nest by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and Veteran by Jpegmafia

28. What do you want for your birthday? maybe some new cardigans and candles would be nice

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? i think people see me as a quiet and distant person because i dont talk that often when meeting new people

30. What age do you seem according to most people? my age (21) -/+ 1

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? i keep it on the corner of my bed next to my head

32. What word do you say the most? bollocks, bellend, fuck, worm

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 25

34. What’s the youngest you would date? maybe 20 but they would have to be a very specific type of person for me to consider dating them, safe bet with 21

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? art teacher

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it used to be hip hop for a really long time but now i like rock and metal but really ill listen to anything except for country and edm. ive also just been listening to a ton of vibeo game and anime music too

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? i honestly think if the world wasn’t dictated by money i would want to live in mexico or japan tbh i like the us but just for the nature and landscapes

38. What is your current favorite song? Camp Orchestra by Show Me the Body

39. How long have you had this blog for? i think i started in the middle or end of 2015

40. What are you excited for? i cant really say im looking forward for anything other than death stranding coming out and the dlc for ace combat 7

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think im a better listener than i am a talker bc when i talk i cant even understand what im saying sometimes. listening is much more important to me bc i can actually process what people are saying

42. What was the last productive thing you did? i talked to my adviser today and made some food and took my dog out for a walk at the park

43. What do you want for Christmas? i would like more board games to play with my cousins and friends and maybe some new pants too

44. What class do you get the best grades in? i dont know about best grades but its usually my painting and drawing courses

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? i honestly dont know and the only thing that comes to mind is being a teacher? i just live day to day

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i guess after i graduated hs we were talking before we graduated but things sorta fell apart and i realized my feelings a bit too late to change anything

48. What age do you want to get married? not sure since i cant see myself being taken seriously enough to want to marry but i guess ill say any age before 40

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i dont quite remember but i recall wanting to do space travel so maybe an astronaut? or astronomer

50. What do you crave right now? emotional stability, some taro milk tea, and more pasta\

im gonna tag @deredere @euthymiclurker and @dementatree :)

#a lot of the questions i honestly didnt know how to answer sorry if they were trash

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kpopcinnamonswirlroll · 6 years ago

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50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @abangtanfangirl ^-^

1. What takes up too much of your time?

Work, Youtube, Anxiety/Depression

2. What makes your day better?

Music, sleep, cuddling with loved ones(without them teasing me for wanting attention)

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

umm... it’s only like 1:30pm..? I guess having ice cream for breakfast..?

4. What fictional place would you like to go?

Hmm... probably Hogwarts.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I guess so? A lot of people repeatedly come to me for advice, even for subjects I have no personal experience with (ie dating, sex, relationships, how to run a business). I guess I’m just blessed with wisdom.

6. Do you have any mental illnesses?

Yeah, it’s great, lemme tell ya

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

I don’t think so, if I did I was a baby.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

I guess BTS..? Idk, I don’t really think about this.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I... don’t know. Like, I get crushes on people very easily, I get lovestruck/starstruck quickly; like if I spend a couple hours getting to know someone after I already knew I was attracted to them, there is a really good chance of me just going 😍 & wanting to date them asap. When it comes to my romantic feelings, I’m fairly impulsive. However, I’m not sure if I can call these emotions love.

10. What’s your dream date?

I’m not sure. Normally I’d say “cuddling in bed/on the couch watching movies/youtube videos”, but that’s most definitely what will happen if someone dates me. So, I’m gonna go with this instead; Go on a trip. It could be nearby, or we could go to a different country. I think it’d be cool to travel somewhere together, do some sightseeing, go shopping, eat food from that culture(if we do go to a different country). It’d be nice to relax and spend time with the person I care about most; without the worries & stressors of everyday life. Cuddling is a must, tho. I must be showered in physical affection. Holding hands, back hugs, & cute little kisses, no matter where we go.

11. What do other people notice about you?

I’m not quite sure. I’ve had people say I’m cool. For the most part, it seems to be a consensus that I’m a sweet, smol little baby bean/crab/koala/bunny that must be protected.

12. What is the annoying habit you have?

I have somehow developed the belch of a trucker & idk how to get rid of it. Even if I only had 6 oz of soda, I will burp, and it will be a gross trucker one. I hate it.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Nope.

14. How many exes do you have?

Gotta have dated someone to have an ex.

15. How many songs are on your playlist?

Lmao which one? (This is just gonna be the ones on Spotify that I hearted: 478. I’m not gonna sort it by genre. Too much work lol.)

16. What instruments can you play?

I can sing. Does that count?

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

Kim Seokjin... 😅

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

I want to go to Asia before I die.

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini/Cancer! I’m technically a Gemini, but my sun is literally like half in Gemini & half in Cancer.

20. Do you relate to it?

I relate to Cancer more than Gemini, but I have aspects of both, so yes.

21. What is happiness to you?

Sleeping, Music, and Cuddling

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Define “going through anything”.

23. What is the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Ummm.... I dunno. I made a few bad ones when I was 17.

24. What is your favorite store?

I like Barnes & Noble, but I also like Torrid...

25. What is your opinion on abortion?

I am pro-choice. Idk about which trimester the person should get it in. Even if I don’t always agree with it, I still think someone should be able to choose whether to get one or not.

26. Do you have a bucket list?

Nah. I might make one in the future. idk.

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment?

Surprisingly, I do! I really like Attention by Shinedown at the moment. I love all the songs on there.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Sleep, a Painless Death, A Nap in a Bottle™️, Money, someone that likes me back & actually wants to date me.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

I’m pretty big/thick/fat & I don’t normally smile at strangers(unless I’m at work #CustomerService), so I probably intimidate them at first.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

A lot of people think I’m a bit older than I actually am. My boss thought I was 21; I’ll actually be 20 in June. I do have a baby face, tho. So online people think I’m younger than I really am. (Someone said I was 9 🙄)

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On my desk near my bed. I use it as an alarm clock and it charges in the alarm clock that my brother got me for Christmas. It’s just figuring out how to set the alarm on the clock that’s a pain in the ass, plus, I have BTS songs set for alarms on my phone so I’d rather wake up to BTS singing in the morning. (jskskjsksjskjsks I’m choking. thanks for writing this for me. XD)

32. What word do you say the most?

Tbh I think I make random noises & scream in fear/surprise more often than any word I’d normally say. Maybe “I can’t English”, otherwise the screaming/noises.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

Realistically, I think I’d do 3-4 years older than me(since I’ll be 20 in June, 22-24). Just because I haven't had any experience with dating, so I’d want them to be closer to my age.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Something with numbers

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

I dunno. I listen to whatever I like. I don’t really care about the genre.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I am very happy living in the U.S. rn. If anything, I’d wanna live in Spain, I was there for 2 weeks & I loved it(also I can speak some Spanish), or Britain.

38. What is your current favorite song?

RIght now I really like Kill This Love by BlackPink, What I Need by Hayley Kiyoko, Perdido En Tus Ojos by Don Omar, All I do by Monsta X, & BABE by HyunA

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Idek, bro.

40. What are you excited for?

My birthday.

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Dropped off a prescription at the pharmacy this morning.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

A significant other

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

Math classes & Economics.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling?

3. I’m tired, suffering, & have been put through the wringer.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

Hopefully getting my own place to live in.

47. When did you get your first heart broken?

Age 8. I was a silly 3rd grader.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

26 or 27 sounds good to me.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be famous. A singer/songwriter.

50. What do you crave right now?

Death, a nap, food, love, cuddles

Tagging: @btssavedmylifeblr @holy-kpop-hoe @angstchim @mxrvelspidey @requestfairy

omg i started this 2 hours ago

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dr-gloom · 6 years ago

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But Who Here Would Ever Understand

Day four of Spook Month! This was really hard to write tbh but once it turned into a vent fic it was easier

Prompt: Sweaters and Sunsets

Fandom: Sander’s Sides

Pairing: Moxiety

Words: 3,023

Summary: Patton and Virgil have both had hard days at work, so they decide to take a little walk and talk about Serious Business(tm).

Tags/Warnings: Virgil has Borderline Personality, Patton is a transmale, poor bois, hot chocolate, sweaters, sunsets

Enjoy!

AO3

fic masterlist

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Reblogs > Likes

@sanderssidesspook

Taglist:

@hungry-red-panda

Virgil slams the front door shut, grumbling as he enters the apartment he shares with his boyfriend of four years, Patton. He’d just come home from possibly the worst day of work this year – no, not quite, don’t be dramatic. This month. – and honestly, he just wanted to punch a hole in a wall, scream into the abyss, and take a really long nap (though you’d be hard-pressed to find a day where he didn’t feel that exact feeling at least once). Patton would be home soon, but for now Virgil had the place to himself, so he paced back and forth across the living room in front of the couch, his thoughts running rampant.

He knew rationally that he should be calming himself down, that letting himself be swept up in these big mood swings wasn’t good and he wasn’t helping himself in the slightest, but that’s the thing about going from zero to eighty in two seconds; he didn’t care. His hands move up to grip his hair, his teeth grinding, his pulse racing as his feet work a groove into the carpet. He lets a frustrated, almost animalistic scream rip from his throat and he kicks the couch, his boots keeping him from hurting his toes. He falls out of step when the front door opens, startled slightly by the noise (how long has he been pacing?), Patton shuffling through the doorway and setting his messenger bag on the dining room table.

He looks up, noticing Virgil for the first time, and frowns. Without a word, he crosses the apartment and stops Virgil’s pacing by pulling him into a hug. Virgil huffs, though he’s not mad at Patton; he just needs to get all of this pent-up energy out. He hugs Patton back, resting his chin on Patton’s head. Patton speaks up, voice slightly muffled by Virgil’s hoodie. “You too, huh?” Virgil frowns at the implication of the question but nods nonetheless. Patton sighs, squeezing Virgil a little tighter. Virgil chews on his lip, a cornsnake of anger slithering in his chest. He knows whatever happened with Patton is just going to piss him off more, but not knowing is going to drive him crazy, and Patton needs to talk about his feelings.

“What happened with you?”

Patton was reluctant to answer, Virgil could feel it in the way his shoulders tensed up. Virgil taps his boyfriend’s back between his shoulder blades, and Patton forces himself to relax, refusing to let go of Virgil as he finally mumbles out, “Got misgendered a lot today.” Virgil blinks. Did he hear that right? “You got misgendered?” Patton nods. So he had heard correctly, then. “Yeah, lotta my coworkers misgendered me. It’s fine though, really, I promise!” He rushes to reassure Virgil when he feels the other tense up under his hands on his back. “Virge, baby, they were probably distracted and forgot, it happens!” Virgil shakes his head, face already set into a grimace and hands fisting in the other’s shirt. “No way, Pat. You’ve been working there for two years. There’s no way they weren’t doing it on purpose.”

When Patton only sighs in response, Virgil pulls away to resume his pacing, shoving his hands in his pockets. After a moment, he pulls them out to drag one through his hair. His hands flex, clenching and unclenching, and he shakes them out, if only to dispel some of the manic energy he’s feeling. Patton watches patiently, eyebrows knit slightly with concern.

“Honestly, how fucking hard it is to not be a fucking piece of shit?”

“Language.”

Virgil ignores him. “It’s a fucking pronoun, it’s not rocket science. Oh, you prefer male pronouns? Fuckin’ sweet, guess you’re a bro now. You prefer they/them? Okay, you can be my palhoncho, or fuck, who even cares, just use the right pronouns I’m not speaking fucking Latin. And how hard is it to just sit on a fucking horse and let it take you somewhere? Don’t fucking dig your feet into its ribs, don’t send it sprinting down the goddamn path, don’t make me have to chase you for two fucking miles! It’s common fucking sense!”

Patton has to stop Virgil pacing again, taking Virgil’s hands in his to keep them from pulling on his hair. Patton uses a hand to grip Virgil’s chin lightly and force Virgil to look at him, exaggerating his breathing. Virgil takes the hint, remembering Dr. Picani’s instructions and taking a moment to calm himself down. Once Patton was sure he was okay, he let go of Virgil’s shoulders, studying the other’s face in silence for a moment.

“C’mon, let’s go get some air.” He smiles gently at Virgil, who takes a step forward and wraps his arms around Patton instead, one hand rubbing his back softly as he kisses his temple. His hand pauses and he sighs through his nose. “Pat, you should probably take the binder off.” Patton whines, shaking his head. “I don’t want to… Besides, it hasn’t been 8 hours!” Virgil pulls back, squinting down at his boyfriend. “Like hell it hasn’t, you got dressed an hour early today, remember?”

Patton sighs and nods. “Okay… I’m putting on one of your big sweaters then. You wanna change too? You smell like horses. And poop. Actually, I’m pretty sure horses smell like poop.” Virgil laughs and nods, following Patton to their room and digging through the closet for his winter and fall clothes before handing Patton a sweater. He turns so he’s facing away from Patton, stripping out of his shirt and pants and changing into a sweater and sweat pants. “Pat, you should change into sweat pants too.”

“Oh, good idea! Okay.”

After they’ve both changed, they grab their wallets and keys and head out. They link their fingers together, Patton smiling brightly and the corners of Virgil’s mouth upturned just enough for someone to notice. They head down the stairs, Patton humming softly under his breath and Virgil pretending to be annoyed. They walk in relative silence for a while, both having a general idea of where they were going, and when they end up at the local park Virgil can feel himself relaxing further, taking Patton along the familiar path that winds along the perimeter of the park until they end up at a small hill.

Patton lets go of Virgil’s hand to run to the top, Virgil following behind at a much more carefree pace, and the two sit together, pressed against each other’s sides. The park itself is above a large portion of the city, so the two can see plenty of their home from up on the hill. There are splotches of reds, yellows, and oranges interspersed throughout the city, moving gently in the breeze and broken up by buildings (or maybe it’d be more accurate to say the buildings are broken up by the trees?). Patton rests his head on Virgil’s shoulder and Virgil wraps an arm around Patton as the two of them gaze silently over the city.

The sun starts to set not long after they get there, Virgil feeling an odd (at least, for him) sense of peace as pinks and purples bleed into the blue that had dominated the sky for so long. Clouds capture the colors and make them appear more vividly, as though an artist had been testing colors before diluting them to use them as the final product, the sunset. He looked over at Patton, taking in the other’s serene expression, the way the sunlight brightened his face, the glimmer of happiness in his eyes. Virgil’s chest hurt, a knot forming in the base of his throat, and he had to fight to keep a smile off his face. God, he loved this man so much.

Patton looks over at Virgil and his smile widens. “I love this weather, I wish it could be fall all the time!” Virgil scoffs lightly, looking away. The pain in his chest only lessens a tiny bit. “I don’t; winter is where it’s at. Constant rain, cloudy skies, biting winds and shorter days.” Patton hums. “But you like fall too.”

Virgil nods, then shrugs slightly. “Well, yeah, but it’s still hot like eighty percent of the time.”

Patton laughs. “True! But that just means you can enjoy the pool!”

“Patton.”

“What?”

“You know how I feel about public pools.”

Patton just laughs louder at that. “Yeah, I know. Maybe someday we can get a house with a real pool! One we don’t have to share with little kids.” They lapse back into silence after that. Virgil doesn’t think he’s felt this calm in a while; a few weeks at least. It’s nice, but he can’t help but worry it won’t happen again. That’s how it always was with him; he could guarantee you that he’d go into a rage or be too depressed to move, but he could never say for certain when’s the next time he’d feel content to just be. “Hey Virgil?”

Virgil blinked, startled out of his thoughts, and glanced at Patton. “Yeah, Pat?”

Patton wasn’t looking at him, eyes instead trained on the city below, as if he could see the people milling about from this distance and he was just people watching. “So you have BPD.” Virgil raises an eyebrow, waiting a moment to see if Patton will continue. When it’s obvious he’s waiting for a response, Virgil sighs softly and says, “Yes, Patton. I had it before we met and it hasn’t gone away. Your point?” He could feel himself get annoyed, and now he was getting annoyed that he was getting annoyed. God dammit.

“Well…. What’s it like? I know you tried to explain it once, but… Can you try again? I really want to understand.”

Virgil rests his elbows on his knees, leaning forward slightly and picking at his cuticles. “There’s a lot, Pat.”

“Just tell me what you know. And what you’re comfortable talking about.”

Virgil nods, pulling at the skin of his ring finger as he begins. “Well…. It’s really intense. And fast, I think. It’s like someone took the dial for emotions, cranked it to eleven, and broke it so I can’t turn it back. Everything kind of has a… physical effect? When I’m happy, it’s kind of hard to breathe, and my chest feels like it’s full of helium. When I speak, it feels like my words are people, running down my tongue and tripping over each other to get out. I get really jittery- you know what I mean, you’ve seen it.” Patton flails his hands, and Virgil nods.

“Yeah, like that. And when I’m angry, it burns. Like there’s acid in my chest and in my stomach. Everything is tense, and it feels like the only way to let the acid out is to say what I’m feeling, or just… yell. It’s… too easy to say horrible things, which kind of freaks me out. It’s like the words have no weight to them, they just fly out of my mouth. When I’m sad, my head feels full of water, or cotton. Kind of depends on the kind of sad, I think. My words get stuck in my throat, like they’re too sticky. Being anxious isn’t too different, honestly, except it’s static. And all of this is happening multiple times a day, without my control or say-so, and it’s kind of exhausting. And that’s just the emotions.”

Patton turns so he’s fully facing Virgil, who’s picking at his cuticles in earnest now, his heartrate picking up slightly. “From what I understand, there’s like… nine things we all have in common. People with BPD, I mean.” He glances at Patton quickly before staring at his hands again. “An unstable self-image, as well as an unstable image of other people and relationships….” His words catch in his throat. He thinks back to the fights they’ve had over the years, most of them because Virgil tried to break up with Patton but Patton wouldn’t let him. Even back then, Patton knew Virgil better than he knew himself, where it counted.

Patton puts a hand on Virgil’s knee, and that’s all the encouragement he needs to continue. “It tends to fluctuate between idealization and devaluation. Uh… Makes keeping people around really hard, even if you want to. Figuring out what you actually want is pretty frustrating too, honestly. It’s ironic, because it also comes with this intense fear of abandonment.” He laughs a little brokenly, picking at the skin of his finger until it’s started to bleed. “Can you imagine how many people I’ve annoyed and pissed off because I go from worshipping the ground they walk on to treating them like an annoying customer, then get clingy when they want to leave? Then there’s the compulsive behavior, which is honestly probably the most normal thing about all of this shit; everyone’s got some kind of compulsion. And when you’re not severely emotional or worrying about being alone you’re just fucking- empty. Everything’s empty, that’s your baseline. There’s no content-to-exist, happy-go-lucky, or any of that. You just exist, and you don’t know why and it feels like you can’t feel, until you inevitably blow up on someone and then you’re starting the whole thing over again.”

He looks up, the sun finally dipping below the horizon and the sky darkening into deep purples and blues. They should probably head home soon, but he doesn’t want to get up. Besides, Dr. Picani had suggested he find someone to talk to in his extremely limited circle of friends; who better than his boyfriend, who’s seen him at his worst? “Did you know uh…. There’s like, fuck, I think it’s somewhere between a fifty to seventy percent suicide rate for people with BPD? We kind of uh… self-harm. But you knew that.” He picks at the chapped skin of his bottom lip, muttering to the clouds. “I worry about that a lot. On empty days I wonder why I haven’t just done it yet, because if there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’ll happen – at least that – then what’s the point in resisting? But then I remember you.”

He looks over at Patton finally, shocked to find tears on his face. Virgil never understood where the expression “white-hot shame” came from; his shame always feels like dumping ice water on a campfire. He pulls Patton close, hugging him tightly and running his hand through the other’s hair as he shushes him softly. “No, hey, come on… Please don’t cry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. That was fucked up, really. I’m sorry.” Patton shakes his head, pulling away so he can look Virgil in the eye.

“N-no, don’t be sorry, I’m sorry. You’ve been going through all of that alone for years and I haven’t done anything to h-help you.” Virgil frowns. “Babe, you help me every day, honest. You’ve calmed me down at least what, twice? Today alone? You give me a reason to stick around. You convinced me to start seeing Dr. Picani. You give me more happy moments, which is huge. I’d much rather be suffocating with happiness than burning with anger, trust me.” Patton smiles weakly, allowing Virgil to pull him into another hug and press a kiss to his hair.

“I love you so much… Don’t ever forget that. I know sometimes I’m really bad at showing it, but I’m working on it. Me and Picani, remember? He’s helping me. I want to love you for the rest of my life, I mean that.”

Patton nods against Virgil’s shoulder, content to just sit there hugging Virgil for as long as they both need to. That turns out to be five minutes, because it’s quickly getting dark and the temperature is dropping. Virgil stands up, pulling Patton to his feet and lacing their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go home and have some hot chocolate, okay?” Patton nods, the two of them making their way back down the trail. The sleeves of the sweater Patton is wearing are a little too long for him, covering his hands partway, but Virgil thinks it’s adorable and doesn’t comment when Patton pulls his hand away to rub his hands together to keep them warm.

When they finally get home, Patton sits on the couch tiredly and Virgil heads to the kitchen to make their hot chocolate. He sets the kettle on the stove, leaning against the counter as he waits for it to boil and thinking over everything he said. He’d been scared for the longest time that telling someone all of that would drive them away, especially Patton. It wasn’t that he thought Patton was the kind of person who heard “mental illness” and ran, but… this was a lot, especially since on of the big things was unstable relationships. It wouldn’t be fair to date someone and not tell them though. He was just glad Patton didn’t seem too put-off by it, both when they’d first met and now.

The kettle starts whistling, making Virgil jump and he shoots it a glare as he turns the burner off. He goes to get two mugs, filling each with the powder and water, mixing them before bringing both out to the living room and setting them on the coffee table. He sits next to Patton, and Patton curls into his side before grabbing his own mug and taking a tentative sip. “Thanks, Virge. I love you.”

Virgil purses his lips, his chest tight and his eyes burning. “Love you too, Pat.”

Later that night, after Patton had fallen asleep watching Frankenweenie and Virgil had carried him to bed, Virgil lay beside his sleeping boyfriend, curled up on his side and studying the other’s face. Patton looked absolutely beautiful, face calm and peaceful in his sleep, eyelashes fluttering slightly but eyes staying closed. Virgil had no idea how he got so lucky to end up with someone as amazing as Patton, but he thanked whatever deity was out there that he had. He brushed his fingers against Patton’s cheek, reveling in the warmth that chased up his fingertips.

“Thank you, Patton.”

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #virgil sanders #patton sanders

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danceyracha · 6 years ago

Text

i was tagged by @ilovkji and @ksooji to reply 85 questions about myself, tysm!!

i’m tagging @kaisbi @captain-junmyeon @cosmicrailwaybisexual @aquariusjongin @suhonlyone

last

1. drink - coffee!! i almost forgot to drink my morning coffee askjhf

2. phone call - my mom

3. text message - uhhh i think my childhood friend!!

4. song you listened to - twice // dance the night away :0

5. time you cried - oh please i have cried 3 days in a row :’)

ever

6. dated someone twice? - hmm kinda but then again we were ´´dating´´ when we were 12 so i dont think that counts kshafk

7. kissed someone and regretted it - ohhh yea

8. been cheated on - hmmm i mean lowkey yeah, we werent rly?? dating??? but we had a thing

9. lost someone special - yeehaw

10. been depressed - hmmm...i have never gotten diagnosed but i do think i had some degree of depression when i was younger aksjhf

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - a few times ya

fave colours

12. pink!!

13. white/light grey

14. baby blue and lavender :0

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - i have!

16. fallen out of love - hmm i guess

17. laughed until you cried - oo yea its the best

18. found out someone was talking about you - i dont?? think so??

19. met someone who changed you - i mean i guess

20. found out who your friends are - yes!

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nope!

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - like...95%

23. do you have any pets - i doooo i have a pup his name is taavi and he is loved and adored by many

24. do you want to change your name - not rly sjafh

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i went to eat out with my mom and my aunt and then we drank champagne and ate strawberries sklafj

26. what time did you wake up today - i woke up at 9 bc i always set an alarm since i hate sleeping late

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - going to bed lmao

28. what is something you can’t wait for - my vacay in october!!

30. what are you listening to right now - suho, jane jang / dinner

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah!

32. something that gets on your nerves - literally everything jskahf

33. most visited website - probably tumblr/twitter/instagram

34. hair color - rn its brownish??

35. long or short hair - a tinee bit over my shoulders sklahf

36. do you have a crush on someone - naaaaah

37. what do you like about yourself - i like my eyes :0 also legs sajkhf aaand personality wise i like to think im somewhat funny and supportive???

38. want any piercings? - uhh nope

39. blood type - i have no idea sklafh but i wanna find out!!

40. nicknames - none tbh???

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - sun gem, moon scorpio and rising libra!!

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - atm i reeally love watching queer eye!! but i also love b99, new girl, jane the virgin, the good place and reign!!

45. tattoos - those aint for me but they look cool on other ppl!!

46. right or left handed - left handed but some things i can do with both hands!

47. ever had surgery - nope!

48. piercings - just earrings askhf

49. sport - i used to be a cheerleader for a few years but quit, now i’m thinking of starting doing yoga!!

50. vacation - i reeeally want to visit europe kjsahjk like. all over europe but it’d be pretty cool to visit korea n japan too!!

51. trainers - so like, sneakers?? i have a pair kjsahf

more general

52. eating - nothing! but i’m craving mozarella sticks sjakhfa

53. drinking - water, stay hydrated

54. i’m about to watch - nothing :0

55. waiting for - suho to kick my ass.....also idle comeback

56. want - happiness and health for me n my family and friends!!

57. get married - i mean if that person pops up then yeah but i’m not gonna be devastated if i never get married

58. career - literally no idea?? lets see where life takes me :0

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - i’m touch starved so please i’m begging anything is fine

60. lips or eyes - eyes!!

61. shorter or taller - i mean idc but i prefer taller than me bc im. tinee

62. older or younger - idc!! as long as they are mature

63. nice arms or stomach - i have a weakness for toned arms

64. hookup or relationship - definitely relationship bc i dont do hookups (i catch feelings what about it)

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hm...hesistant as long as they arent afraid to make the first move sometimes

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - i have :/

67. drank hard liquor - yeahhh

68. lost glasses - nope!!

69. turned someone down - a few times asjfkhsj

70. sex on first date - nope and i don’t think i would jksahfjk

71. broken someone’s heart - yeah i think i have

72. had your heart broken - haha ;) it seems to be a hobby of some sort for me

73. been arrested - asfajkhf nope

74. cried when someone died - yeah!

75. fallen for a friend - i have!

do you believe in

76. yourself - i mean if i wont then who will skajhfjka

77. miracles - absolutely

78. love at first sight - nope there’s no such thing

79. santa claus - no :0

80. kiss on a first date - what’s there to believe kashfjka it happens if it happens??

81. angels - i mean i stan them so ://

other

82. best friend’s name - askljfdh i don’t like the term best friend bc i love all my friends the same

83. eye color - blueish/greenish??

84. fave movie - i don’t rly have one jashfja i don’t watch many movies

85. fave actor - i dont?? have one ksajhfhk

#it said tag 20 ppl but im not gonna do that skjahf #about me #tagged

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taehyungiesnoona · 6 years ago

Text

85 Questions~

––answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

––tagged by @mostlymin 💛 (ily Sunnie!)

––tagging: @minnsvga @hunkyhobi @cutelittleyoongi && @bymoonchild (if you guys want to that is, no pressure)

LAST

1. drink - water

2. 📱call - to my dad asking him about his day while i was on my lunch break

3. text - a guy i recently reconnected with (nothing serious)

4. song you listened to - euphoria (you know i love me some kookie)

4. time you 😢- 3 months ago when i got my heart broken by someone i thought really wanted something lasting.

HAVE YOU EVER

6. dated someone twice - yeah, i dated someone on and off for 4 years

7. 😘 someone & regretted it - yes, and only because he was a sloppy kisser haha

8. been cheated on - sadly, yes

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - yes, i’ve been struggling with depression for years now and am proud to say it has been more under control with the past year.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - drunk, yes but i never puke.

FAVOURITE COLOURS

12. any shade of pink (mostly pastel)

13. mint green

14. lilac

15. periwinkle

in the last year have you

16. made new friends - yes

17. fallen out of love - only once

18. 😂 until you 😢- yesterday when I was watching the latest episode of Run BTS!

19. found out someone was talking about you - i think i have?

20. met someone who changed you - multiple times

21. found out who your friends were - most of the friends I turn to are the ones I made online. i don’t really have friends irl

22. 😘 someone on your facebook friends list - more than one haha most of my friends on FB are people i went to high school with.

GENERAL

23. how many friends from your facebook friends list do you know irl - idk tbh honest, i don’t use FB much anymore but i know quite a few just don’t know the exact number.

24. do you have any pets - yessssss i do, my babyyyyyyy Oreo

25. do you want to change your middle name - no, i like my middle name alot. it’s really pretty.

26. what did you do for your last birthday - went to olive garden

27. what time did you wake up today - 5:40 AM for work

28. what were you doing last night at midnight - i was crashed tf out

29. what is something you can’t wait for - to see BTS in concert 09/16

30. what are you listening to right now - playlist is on shuffle and currently playing Fire

31. have you every talked to a person named tom? - i remember having a manager named tom so yes i have lol

32. something that gets on your nerves - when someone younger than me (mostly in their teens) calls me “hun” or “sweetie” idk it just bothers me haha

33. most visited website - tumblr, twitter and youtube

34. hair color - it’s supposed to be blue black but my natural dark brown hair is beginning to show again.

35. long hair or short hair - my hair is pretty long

36. do you have a crush on someone - i actually do, i have a small crush on a coworker of mine but nothing will ever come out of it lol

37. what do you like about yourself? - i like how big my eyes are as well as their color

38. want any piercings? - nah piercings aren’t my thing.

39. blood type - let me get me get back to you on this

40. nicknames - shay (yup shay isn’t my real name), shayshay, shay bae, peanut (only family calls me this)

41. relationship status - mentally married to kim taehyung

42. zodiac - leo

43. pronouns - she/her

44. favorite 📺 show - i don’t watch much tv but i used to love the vampire diaries as well as degrassi

45. tattoos - 1. getting another one next week for my birthday

46. right handed or left? - i’m a leftie

47. ever had surgery? - no

48. piercings - my ears were piecred when i was a baby and though i haven’t worn earrings in forever the holes are still there. idk it’s a bit weird

49. sports - i’m not into sports at all

50. vacation - it’s been a while since i’ve gone on a vacation since i’m too busy adulting.

51. trainers - i’ll be honest, i don’t know how to answer this one haha

MORE GENERAL

52. eating - some chips

53. drinking - dr pepper

54. i’m about to watch - nothing for today since i caught up on everything for now

55. waiting for - the weekend so i can sleep!

56. want - to cuddle Taehyung, Jungkook, Jimin and Oreo...all at the same time

57. get married - refer back to question 41

58. career - i’m an account representative currently, i’d love to become a teacher of some sort one day.

WHICH IS BETTER

59. kisses or hugs - kisses! especially when you feel those sparks

60. 👄 or eyes - eyes most def

61. shorter or taller - it never matters to me but i do have a preference to taller

62. older or younger - don’t make me choose. i’d have to say i have a thing for younger guys (hence my biases)

63. nice arms or stomach - uhhhhhh.....neither really matter to me, stomach maybe?

64. hookup or relationship - relationship for sure

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hmmmmm, troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER

66. 😘 a stranger - i don’t think i have?

67. drank hard liquor - yes when i was younger. i don’t drink much now

68. lost glasses -this happens too frequent. i keep telling myself to put them in the case, i’m so blind without my glasses

69. turned someone down - yeah multiple occasions recently

70. sex on a first date - i haven’t really been on a date but no

71. broken someone’s ❤️- yeah and it sucked being the heartbreaker

72. had your 💔- yes and it sucks being the heartbroken

73. been arrested - i’m a good girl

74. 😢 when someone died - yes, i get in my feels heavily

75. fallen for a friend - i fell so hard for an friend i had while living in NY. he was literally my type and everything. we actually both liked one another, even kissed but things were...complicated so we decided to stay friends.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

76. yourself - sometimes

77. miracles - yes

78. 💛at first sight - i’m a hopeless romantic so of course i do!

79. 🎅- not anymore, that ended when i saw my mom putting the presents under the tree

80. 😘on a first date - i see no problem if you click with the person right away

81. angels - yes, i always believed they do

other

82. best friends name - oreo

83. eye color - light brown

84. favorite movie - rush hour series (i crack up all the time), and also the 1997 version of Cinderella

85. favorite actor - i don’t really have one

#tags #sweetopiaa #a little insight of me

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dustenough · 6 years ago

Text

what was your last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my mother

3. text message - “ok just phone me whenever x”

4. song you listened to - why won’t you love me by 5 seconds of summer

have you ever

6. dated someone twice - no i haven’t even dated anyone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it - no

8. been cheated on - if when your best friend calls someone else their best friend is cheating then yes

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - i’ve been clinically depressed for five years and counting

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - almost

fave colours

12. fave colour - yellow

13. fave colour - burgundy

14. fave colour - baby blue (and any other light/pastel colour)

in the last year have you

15. made new friends - yes, i met @soundshoodfeelshood last year and it was the best recent friendship that i’ve made i appreciate and love her a lot and it feels like i’ve known her forever

16. fallen out of love - no

17. laughed until you cried - yes, the most recent was when i was watching bottom with my parents

18. found out someone was talking about you - yes

19. met someone who changed you - i don’t think so

20. found out who your friends are - yes, i’m still finding out

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all of them

23. do you have any pets - i have a cat named harry he’s 16 now, i used to have another cat named hermione who passed away last year at 15. i also used to have a hamster named pumpkin, three chickens named jessie, lilo and buttercup and fishes. my family also fostered a dog for few days who we named lola

24. do you want to change your name - no, i really like my surname too and don’t want to change it so if i ever get married i’ll probably still keep it baha.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i spent the day at home with my family and my friends in the evening

26. what time did you wake up today - 8:30am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - watching loey lane’s most recent ghost adventure on youtube

28. what is something you can't wait for - a miracle, no mental health issues, to know what i’m doing with my life and what career i want, for my parents to sell our house and finally move into their dream house on the coast and for me to be accepting of myself

30. what are you listening to right now - explore by sundara karma

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - i don’t think so but i’ve spoken to people i never knew the name of so maybe i have talked to someone named tom

32. something that's getting on your nerves - eveything tbh i get irritated really easily i don’t want to write a list otherwise i won’t stop

33. most visited website - twitter or instagram??

34. hair colour - brown

35. long or short hair - my hair is in the middle; its quite long but not really long and sometimes my hair is super curly so that makes it significantly shorter

36. do you have a crush on someone - no but i’ve been thinking about this one boy for almost four days straight now lol help me

37. what do you like about yourself - literally nothing

38. want any piercings - i’ve wanted a nose ring for a really long time, i also want an orbital ear ring and a rook ear piercing with a heart shaped ring

39. blood type - i have no idea

40. nicknames - lillian and lily-pad. my english teacher used to call me lilith which means the mother of all evil which is lovely

41. relationship status - um i never went to oovoo javer

42. zodiac sign - my birthday is on 20th january which is the end of capricorn but the start of aquarius, every website and book says something different so i don’t know

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv show - i don’t really watch tv shows but i have a list of ones i want to start watching. i grew up watching miranda so i’ll always love that. i also really like stranger things and i’ve watched a lot of episodes of friends and only fools and horses with my family which i enjoy

45. tattoos - i have an idea of a tattoo that i want, i like really small and delicate ones that are meaningful

46. right or left handed - i’m right handed

47. ever had surgery - no but my wisdom teeth are almost fully grown and i’m scared to get them removed

48. piercings - i think some of them are nice but i can’t stand some of them, i don’t like gauges and for some reason studs in the flat ares of the helix in the actual ear make me cringe

49. sport - i used to do a lot of sports including: dance, gymnastics, netball, basketball, and swimming but stopped during secondary school; i also used to go running with my father and sister and do annual charity runs. i want to get back into dance again since i really enjoyed it and loved performing at the theatre and start running again.

50. vacation - i’ve only ever been abroad to paris when i’ve been to disney land with my family since we go to cornwall every year and have been for as long as i can remember. (this is the first year we’re not going because we can’t afford it lol)

51. ?

more general

52. eating - i just ate some grapes

53. drinking - tea

54. about to watch - probably a random youtube video

55. waiting for - a miracle of some sort

56. want - myself and my family to be happy, content and healthy

56. get married - i need to find a significant other first which is already a huge and almost impossible task alone

58. career - anytime someone asks me this i’m on the verge of tears i’m literally begging for someone to choose out of a hat for me at this point

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs are nice. ( never been kissed is a 1999 romantic comedy film and stars drew barrymore a-)

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - arms

64. hookup or relationships - relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - yes

68. turned someone down - yes

69. sex on first date - no wtf

70. broken someone's heart - i don’t think so

71. had your heart broken - no

72. been arrested - no

73. cried when someone died - yes

74. fallen for a friend/ as in crush?- yes

do you believe in

75. yourself - not at all but i wish i did

76. miracles - i dont know?? if it counts i think that everything happens for a reason

77. love at first sight - maybe?? like true love?? i think that exists because of my parents

78. santa claus - i believed him for too long

79. angels - no one is an angel

misc

80. eye colour - dark blue on the outside then light blue then green then like an olive?? i just say blue

81. best friends name - chloe (and my school friends of course)

82. favourite movie - i like a lot of films i don’t think i have a favourite, at least i can’t pick one just now so i’ll just say any disney film

83. favourite actor - i don’t know, any films which tom hanks and robin willims act or voice over are always great, they’re great

84. favourite cartoon - the cartoons that i watched when i was younger from the 80′s/90′s cartoons like bear in the big blue house (the songs are still on my family ipod) to the ones on disney cinemagic before i left for school (i used to watch emperors new groove everyday before and after school.) my little sister watches we bare bears and the amazing world of gumball which is great

85. favourite teacher - my old textiles teacher was really kind and supportive of my and my work which had a huge impact on my quality of work e.c.t. also my photography/art teacher, shes so lovely and wonderful, i’ve cried, threw up, had a mental breakdown and complained in front of her on occasions and she she helped me every step of the way, i always went to her for advice and such so i appreciate her a lot

i was tagged by @everyteardrop and i tag @soundshoodfeelshood @amazingseren @00my-secret-world00 @palettegguk

(i don’t have a lot of mutuals on here so if you want to do this then just do it and pretend i tagged you lmao)

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somuchanemoia · 7 years ago

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11 Questions

I was tagged by the lovely, chicken enthusiast, Joey (@yuuris-piano ). I’m so sorry that I’m late. I promise I didn’t forget!

1. If you were able to change an aspect of yourself, would you do it?

Hell yeah! I hate myself with the passion of a thousand fiery suns so...I absolutely would.

2. If you could live in a fictional world [anime/literature/movie/tv-show/etc.], where would you live?

Hmmmmm.....good question. There’s a lot of place’s I would like to go. I think I would love to go to Wonderland. There is finally a place that is just as odd as I am. Maybe I could finally be normal there? Whether it is Disney’s cartoon wonderland or the 2010 remake or the Alice in the Country of Hearts version, I think Wonderland would be an amazing place.

3. Have you ever read/watched something that has altered your perception of something?

As cheesy as this sounds now, Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower was really impactful to me. You’re probably rolling your eyes at me for saying that because, duh it’s a coming of age novel, but really this was an interesting book for me when I first read it. I was 14 at the time and for the first time in my life, my depression and anxiety were very bad for over a year. And I read this book for the first time in my life and just the way it talked about life and depression and friends and love and acceptance for who you are, really gave me a lot to think about during that time and while I didn't know it then, now I know how much that story helped me cope with a lot of things. It’s still one of my favorites to this day.

4. Currently, are you living out yours dreams/goals?

Yes and no.

Long-term goals wise, no I’m not.

But short-term wise, hell yeah I am! I’ve almost made it through the semester. It’s been almost a year since my last major breakdown. I’ve got straight A’s this year for the first time in about 10 years. I’m spending the weekends with my family who I love. I came out to my parents (granted it was unexpected, but still) who are coming to terms with it and still love me for who I am anyways. I made an awesome batch of cookies this morning and I managed to eat breakfast for most of this week. I’m finally getting back into a healthier mindset after a lot of toxic relationships. Life is looking pretty good.

It’s all about the baby steps for me right now...

5. If there was something you could change about yourself, what would it be?

.....everything? Is that an appropriate answer???

6. How do you deal with self-doubt?

Honestly, I don’t do self-doubt really well. There are two ways I will go about this and which will happen is pretty spontaneous when it comes down to it.

Method 1: Usually, I tend to have an internal freakout and then withdraw pretty quickly and move on to a different task while obsessing over said task internally while trying not to do just that.

Then I hit a breaking point; a point where I literally look at myself in the mirror, give myself the finger and say “fuck it, I’m doing this” and then go be impulsive as I can.

Method 2: I generally take a break from what I’m doing or thinking about and meditate for a while. This is pretty difficult since I'm ADHD af (hence method 1), but when I can focus long enough to relax, it helps a lot.

7. What inspires you to do what you do?

The people I care about. That’s who it all really comes down too. I love my ships and I love certain creators, but what it comes down to are the people who either read my works or the small creators who make this whole thing fun.

8. Is there and aspect about today that made you feel good?

Well, for the first time in years I broke out my old Nintendo DS and played some Professor Layton. I still have my dope riddle solving skills. I had a ton of fun and it reminded me of simpler times.

9. Do you have cool blogs to recommend?

tbh, I am horrible at recing anything, but a few of my favorites are:

I really love @iwritebetterthanispeak‘s blog. She’s pretty chill and has quite a few funny posts. I also really love lolimnotheidi’s art. Her band au is dope and I swear her Mila is one of my new crushes. @endlesscloudsoftime also has an amazing blog and they are so nice. Also, I just found @yuuricutesuki‘s blog a few weeks ago and already I am hooked.

10. Define the purpose of your existence.

I dunno whether to be funny or deep so I am going to be both.

You know when you’re driving down the road and on the sidewalk you see a sign spinner for Jamba Juice who is dressed up as a banana? Well, that’s me, except for that I am not a sign spinner and I also do not work for Jamba Juice. I am just a freak in a banana costume in the middle of a public sidewalk, who is staring blankly into the crowd of passing cars and wondering if there was a way that I could just sit in a pit of lemurs all day and feed them grapes and maybe play them a tune on a guitar (if I knew how to play the guitar).

While it may look like I am staring depressedly into the crowd of oncoming traffic, what ya’ll dont see is how much I am seeing (fyi your tinted windows can only hide you picking your nose so much). I’m just waiting for the opportune moment for someone to need a person dressed in a banana costume for no reason to be at the right place at the right time.

Basically, my existence can be summed up as me standing around in a banana costume while the Mii channel music plays on loop.

11. Compliment Yourself~!

Uhm...okay...uh....I have good taste in music. I think. I like it, so...yeah.

I know I’m supposed to tag people but I am literally lazy and don’t know really anybody to tag and since I’m catching up on tagged posts, I’m tagging whoever wants to do this. Just say I tagged you, because I love reading peoples responses.

#tagged #porkcutletbowltrash #yuuris-piano #I promise I didn't forget about this joey!#sammy speakeths

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for-those-on-my-mind · 7 years ago

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Tag

I got tagged by the beautiful @morkleek to do this tag, thank you <3

---

rules: answer all 85 questions then tag 20 people

♡ Last…? ♡

Drink - water

Phone call - my sister

Text message - “är min laddare på ditt rum” aannnd for all my non-swedish followers that means “is my charger on your room” to my sister

Song you listened to - Dancing in the moonlight - Toploader <3 <3 <3

Time you cried - I’m actually crying now hahaha it’s nothing big but my sister asked me earlier today if she and her friend could come home and pick something up but they’ve been here like 3 hours and my sister borrowed my charger and didn’t want to give it back and my dad ordered sushi so i forced myself to go downstairs but my social anxiety just went ahjldfhasdkjshadolk ahahhh ha so yeah thats why im doing this tag so i won’t do anything else stupid

♡ Ever…? ♡

6. Dated someone twice - noo

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - no

8. Been cheated on - nah

9. Lost someone special - yeah

10. Been depressed - damn yeah but i actually got discharged from the hospital yesterday! progress ... i think

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nah ain’t about that life

12. Fave colors - yellow and black

♡ In the last year have you… ♡

15. Made new friends - yes!!

16. Fallen out of love - hmmm no

17. Laughed until you cried - yeS

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yeah

19. Met someone who changed you - absolutely!

20. Found out who your friends are - i guess?

21. Kissed someone on your FB friend list - noo

♡ General ♡

22. How many FB friends do you have irl - all of them

23. Do you have any pets? - no but i want a cat :(

24. Do you want to change your name - YES

25. What did you do for your last bday - ehh nothing i don’t really celebrate my birthday

26. What time did you wake up today - 10 i think?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? - what did i do???? maybe i played hayday

28. What is something you can’t wait for - when i’ll recover from my trauma and get help for my anxiety and yes trauma again and and!!!! i want to become a nurse and work in ... the frick is it called in english???? child and adolescent psychiatry? that’s like my biggest dream right now!!

30. What are you listening to right now - go or go ahead - rufus wainwright

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom? - ehh idk???

32. Something that gets on your nerves - UGHHHH politics

33. Mosted visited sites - viaplay and netflix and youtube

34. Hair color - it was brown but now back to blonde!!!!

35. Long or short hair -to like my collarbone?

36. Do you have a crush on someone - oh my goD OH MY GOD NOT ACCORDING TO ME BUT ACCORDING TO MANY MANY OTHER PEOPLE

37. What do you like about yourself - eh

38. Want any piercings? - i’m going to pierce my ears on wednesday!!

39. Blood type - i want to know but the only way to find out here is if you donate blood but i can’t bc of my meds :(

40. Nicknames - becka

41. Relationship status - gosh i just came out of the hospital what did you expect i only lose friends

42. Zodiac - sagittarius or now how tghe fuck you spell it in english

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fav tv shows - HANNIBAL!!!!

45. Tattoos - I WANT ONE AND I THINK I’LL GET ONE THIS SUMMER OR THIS FALL, the symbol for sagittarius is an arrow and i want to get a tattoo of one under my ankle!! and i’m thinking about another tattoo on my left collarbone with the text “dancing in the moonlight” since my favorite song since like forever is dancing in the moonlight but i’m not sure what if i get tired on that song??? which i don’t think will happen but you never know?

46. Right or left handed - left

47. Ever had surgery - uhhhh once

48. Piercings - soon my ears

49. Sport - well i worked with horses a lot but it’s been hard to keep up when i’ve been admitted to the hospital so much

50. Vacations - uh i went to england a few years ago and i want to go to like france and italy and maybe to canada and the us if trump can stop being the president man he’s scary

51. Trainers - ??? shoes??? trains??? coach??

♡ More general ♡

52. Eating - i ate subway today <3 <3 <3 and sushi and it was quite good but i wish i wouldn’t have eaten it bc maybe i could have missed out on that lovely panic attack

53. Drinking - water

54. I’m about to watch - idk a movie??? disney movie??? i want to rewatch coco again BC OH MY GOSH <3 <3 <3

55. Waiting for….. - to feel better :) and maybe i can go downtown tomorrow and eat subway again hahaahaha who am i

56. Want…. - to become a nurse!!!!! and to work a little and go to school a little

57. Get married -YES but mostly because i want children but i need to find someone i like too .. and who likes me ... yikes

58. Career - NURSE!

♡ Which is better ♡

59. Hugs or kisses - hugs!

60. Lips or eyes - EYES

61. Short or taller - well i’m pretty short myself so please dont be too tall

62. Older or younger -to date or to be friends with? to date i want someone older (i mean older. OLDER... it might be a problem...) but if friends it doesnt matter!!!! everyone is welcome to get to know me

63. Nice arms or stomach - it doesnt matter to me but please just be alive

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - idk

♡ Have you ever ♡

66. Kissed a stranger - nah

67. Drank hard liquor - not my thing

68. Lost glasses - no

69. Turned someone down - yeah

70. Sex on first date - no

71. Broken someone’s heart - yes :(( but that person deserved it tbh

72. Had your heart broken - idk???

73. Been arrested - no

74. Cried when someone died - yeah

75. Fallen for a friend - yEAH KINDA but we don’t speak anymore so whatever but oh my god... i saw that person a few months ago when i was at subway... ofcourse ... and he walked by??????? and LOOKED SO GOOD AND WAS SO COOL BUT DID HE SEE ME AND IGNORE ME OR DIDN’T HE JUST SEE ME???

♡ Do you believe in…? ♡

76. Yourself? - nah mate

77. Miracles - no

78. Love at first sight - no.

79. Santa claus - no

80. Kiss on first date - idk

81. Angels - hmmm

♡ Other ♡

82. Best friend’s name - oh i dont want to expose anyone :(

83. Eye color - forest green

84. Fave movie - COCO <3 handsome devil <3 hannibal <3

85. Fave actor - ASFHOKWELDSJFDKL ANDREW SCOTT

yes... thats it!! and... i dont have anyone to tag :(

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lookingthroughslowglass · 7 years ago

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It’s been awhile, so here’s an update

it’s crazy being on tumblr after so long tbh.. like it’s so interesting to me to see how pretty much nothing has really changed much on here and all (like content and everything) but yet it feels so different to just scroll here like i used to and all that.. I don’t know how to describe it in a way that doesn’t feel cheesy but basically I feel as though I have changed so much in the last few years in such a way that this platform and the content on it doesn’t consume me like it used to.. like I used to spend so much time and energy on here (like fandom shit and obsessively maintaining an aesthetic to appease people online and have more followers and shit) (and of course how I used to use this platform as my online public diary and all because I was so desperate to be validated because I was so depressed and alone!)

And like I know tumblr being tumblr, it doesn’t really matter to post about any of this about myself and all because realllyy like 1 or 2 people will see it and actually read it and all that but I dunno it’s good to reflect and remind myself how far I’ve come from the sad sad boy I once was and all that jazz..

So, I go by Xavier now and have been for a little under a year now.. I’m obviously still a trans masculine person and actually started testosterone 6 months ago (today specifically! i mean technically yesterday but yeah!) My voice has gotten deeper and my face has widened out a little in the way that t does that to ppl.. and all that jazz is happening... it’s been a good time and I’m really happy to have started medically transitioning, but it’s also been a rather difficult time in the sense that I now feel this tremendous desire to experience all the masculinizing effects all at once so that I can pass as a cisgender man and be validated in society .. but of course, hormones don’t actually work that way so it’s been frustrating to never reach my unrealistic expectations and what not.. but I’m trying to be better to myself and I’m still growing so someday that’ll be better.

I dropped out of college after fall semester because my mental health was deteriorating and I felt uninspired with my studies so I dropped out in attempt to figure out who I am outside of school and what I really want to do with my life and what not.. As of right now I’ve been out of school and working for around 4/5ish months and it’s been really interesting.. I feel ashamed about my status as a college dropout but at the same time I am relieved and at peace with not being in college because it was such a soul sucking experience. However, I do truly miss the structure and stability that it gave me.. along with the sense that I was doing something with my life and all.. I don’t honestly know what exactly I want to do but I’m confident that I’ll figure it out. I fully believe that people don’t need to achieve things in a specific time frame so I know that some day I’ll figure my shit out and really bang my shit and blow some minds.. but for now I’m just a little lost and trying to do the best I can.

I started smoking weed last year and have become a huge stoner since that. I really love weed a lot!! It’s a great tool for my depression and it’s honestly changed me as a person and how I view the world and what not. I’ve also become quite the little psychonaut tbh.. I’ve done acid a couple of times and I’ve eaten shrooms once and have had life changing experiences on both. I love how deeply these substances make me think and every time I’ve done them I’ve been surrounded by wonderful friends that have made my experiences good ones. I look forward to tripping again in the future!

I’m still with my girlfriend Aurora. I love her very much and feel an unexplainable magical type of love for her that grows stronger every day. We have grown so much together in the last year and a half and I believe our love can survive anything and will last a lifetime. She is truly the most incredible and beautiful person I’ve ever met and I’m so lucky to have Aurora in my life. We live together in a house with some of my other college friends and we share a room and it’s the best thing ever!

And yeah that’s about it.. add that college introduced me to many fantastic people and got me hooked on drag race and that pretty much makes whoever reads this be completely up to speed on my bullshit. @ whoever reads this.. thanks for reading.. I hope you thought something nice like, “oh i’m glad Xavier is doing way better than he did in high school” or something nice like that.. If we used to be close and have drifted or something, know that I probably think about you sometimes and hope ur doing better too.. I appreciated the time we had together and look back fondly on our good memories and all that.. so yeah I hope you have a good day/night @ whoever reads this!

- <3 Xavier James Rose

#personal #life update

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