#today was a kinda heavy day. the coworker i had shift w and i talked abt capitalism our crappy jobs and how bad it pays and abt politics

[brideofcthulhu10]

The Lost Boys Find Out Their Fem!S/O is Pregnant [4/4]

SUBJECT WARNING: PHYSICAL AGRESSION, SEXUAL THEMES AND A WHOLE LOT OF SWEARING. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Alrighty then, my lovely fang babes! Here we are, we have the last of the first edition of the pregnancy saga! Worry not, dearest readers, for there is hope! I plan on doing a separate series about going through the pregnancy, and maybe even going through the childbirth with how the boys are as new dads. Let me know in the comments if you'd like to see more, and by tomorrow night we'll have a whole new set to love!

It was such a blast writing Paul's, I'm not gonna lie I got lost in the magic! We have a cute little character cameo for all you 80s movie nerds, lemme know if you can figure out what it is! So, without any more delays; here he is. The gorgeous, the goofy, the one, the only:

PAUL

Today had been an unexpected challenge. You barely got through your shift at the record store, every time you were in light it made you dizzy. Hangovers had nothing on this! Did you drink too much the night before? No, now that you thought about it any attempts to drink had you hugging a toilet. Not to mention your period was late as hell! Well, not the cramps, go figure. Just no blood. None at all. 

You never let on to your beau, Paul, though. The party boy vampire would become overly worried if you told him you were sick, and you weren't about to spoil a good time with a bit of nausea. So here you were, stumbling about the day into the late afternoon absolutely miserable. Your manager Iona offered you some crackers and ginger ale during your lunch break. No dice, within an hour you were running to the bathroom again. 

"Gosh hon, I dunno what ta tell ya. Maybe you ate something nasty, I told you that boardwalk food was fishy," Iona sighed, poking at her own lunch with a fork. Currently your coworker Andie was watching the front until you were feeling better.

"Kill me now, Iona," you groaned, chin resting on the table with your arms laid over your head. Then there was a smell. The greatest, most flavorful, mouthwatering scent you've ever experienced. Like a honey baked ham and a New York sirloin had a glorious new baby drizzled in ecstasy. Glancing over, your stomach growled at whatever it could be. If this were a cartoon you'd be flying to what it was.

Oddly enough, it was coming from Iona. Well, whatever black stuff was in her little plastic tupperware dish. Who cares what it was, it smelled incredible.

"Hey uh..," you asked, leaning over towards the sticky, mysterious delicacy calling your name. "You wouldn't mind if I had a bite, would ya?"

"You sure, hon? This isn't exactly your average dish, it's kinda weird," she tried to explain. God you couldn't take your eyes off it! Finally, your merciful manager pushed it your way, and you couldn't resist any longer. 

"I don't even care, this is the first thing in the past two days that hasn't made me nauseous," you muffled between cosmic bites.

Oh shit, this was heaven! It had to be some sort of meat, it reminded her of a nice spicy kielbasa, a slow roasted brisket, every second it changed to some new world of food you had never tried. What it was didn't matter by this point.

"Wooow. I've never met someone who liked black pudding that much."

Pudding? "I thought it was meat or something? It doesn't taste anything like pudding," you insisted, polishing off the very last specs of it. "Got any more?"

"No, no, not like chocolate pudding or stuff like that, kiddo. black pudding. It's this dish from the UK my new boyfriend made me. It's congealed pig's and cow blood mixed with spices."

You made a face. Blood? Like, blood blood? The cow equivalent of what Paul drank on a daily basis? Yet this was the first time you didn't puke, in fact, you kinda wanted more. Even knowing what is was made of.. for some reason you craved more. Meanwhile Iona continued to talk on and on, until one phrase caught your ears. "Yea, ya know my mom was so into for the longest time. Said she craved it her whole pregnancy, I never got a taste for it honestly."

A single thought popped into your head. A dangerous, foreboding thought that your intuition said was very much a possibility. In a flash you jumped up, nearly slamming your hands on the table. "I gotta go. Oh shit, I gotta go! I'll be right back, I swear, I'm so sorry, I swear to god I'll be right back," you shouted as you bolted out of the store.

"Wait what-?!"

You'd make it up to her once you got back. You had to know! You had to be sure..! Please just let it be paranoia! Please let it be anything, anything at all besides what you thought it was!

Once you reached the nearest CVS you made a B-line to the women's health section. Your hair clung to your face, your lungs stung like crazy but all you could think about was getting answers. And cue the disapproving glare of some old bat picking out a box of pads. Alright being 17 in front of the pregnancy tests looked bad. You weren't just a high schooler, you looked it too. "What're you looking at, " you snarl. Immediately she clutched her pearls, startled by this abrasive youngin' in no mood for dirty looks. God why'd there have to be so many options? Pink boxes, purple ones, bright yellow insisting it worked the fastest. The heavy fluorescent lights were no help at all, it made your head spin. You had no time for this crap. In a sweeping motion you grabbed three different brands and threw them into your basket, all you needed was….where was your wallet? Shit... Glancing around you checked for any nearby cameras or staff. Karma be damned, it was an emergency! Five finger discount it was. 

Once again you made a mad dash back to the record store as the sun finally set. All three boxes were crumpled in your hand, your boots running so fast it you hit a rock that'd be it.

But getting back to the record store was your best bet. You weren't about to pee in some dirty, old, nasty pharmacy bathroo- oh fuck. There was something that finally slowed your steps, nearly making you trip in the process. Four bikes parked right outside. Three of which were occupied by by Dwayne, David and Marko all talking amongst themselves.

Shiiiit, shit, shit! All you could do was swear repeatedly. Before they could spot you, you practically dove into the alleyway behind the store, rapidly disabling the alarm. If that went off it'd be a dead giveaway. Quickly you looked left and right before you slammed the door shut behind you still trying to catch air.

But there, right past the door to the employees lounge, over by the counter you could see a mass of blonde hair chatting away with Iona about Led Zeppelin's best album to date. Paul, gorgeous as every, laughing. It made your heart flutter, but then it sank. What if it was a-... He was never the type to run away from a challenge. But then again, a kid wasn't a challenge, it was a massive ordeal. It would take a huge chunk of his life- well, afterlife! Boozing and cruising would be switched out with drowsy days and busy nights. You weren't sure if you wanted him to know if you were, it would take all that from him. Unfortunately, he must've smelled you or sonething, because immediately he turned around like a puppy being called.

"Babe," he cheered with delight, rushing over to hug you. Rather squeeze you by your hips and lift you four feet off the ground. Quickly you stuffed the skinny boxes into your back pocket, now smushed up against his chest. "Where were you? Ion's said you just bolted mid-shift, we were worried sick! Well, I mean, I was more worried though, cuz I can't stand you bein' gone, kitten."

"Well, yeah uh, I forgot something I had to get at the store, and I forgot what time I got off," you hesitated, still antsy to escape to the bathroom. Truthfully you didn't actually want to, you had to! If you could, you'd just kiss him and ride off into the night to raise some hell like you always did. But this was too big to ignore.

Paul raised a brow. You weren't known for being this jumpy. You wouldn't look him in the eyes, they just kept darting towards the bathroom. Boy, you really did look sick, though. Pale, almost greenish with dark circles under your eyes. You even felt colder than usual. "Am I uh, interrupting something, babe?"

You managed to work out if his arms, giggling nervously. "Actually I-I had some of Iona's lunch earlier, and I just, gotta- be right back!"

With that, you bolted into the bathroom and slammed the door behind you. Again, weird. Paul just shrugged, maybe you had some bad Mexican.

 Iona wasn't convinced. Little miss jumpy-pants skipping out on her, you owed her an explanation. While Paul perused the albums she sunk over to the bathroom, rapidly tapping on the door. "Y/N! Psst! You good in there, hon?"

You were most certainly NOT good! Your hand shook, the third test finally finished. Not like it mattered! They all said the same thing. Every fucking one of them.

Positive. Positive. Positive.

No, no, no!

"Shit," you hissed. "Shit! Oh shit, oh fuck! Fuck-fuckity shit fuck fuck! Dammit." That's all you could do! You swore over, and over, and over, rapidly kicking the wall in front of you. Stupid pink plus! Why? Why did it have to be a plus?? Immediately you threw it in the trash and scooped up the other two. Maybe they were all flukes? Maybe only a doctor could tell you! You had to get home. Like now. Right now, you just had to rush home, make an appointment at the doctors, maybe hide in shame for a few days just until you could figure out what the hell to do with all this! Once again you wedged the tests in your back pocket and nearly tripped, cracking open the door to face your boss. "Iona, I gotta get home."

"Seriously, Y/N?? Why? What is with you?"

"Please, I swear I will make it up to you, I'll take a double shift, I'll wash your damn car-"

"Oh no, nuh-uh. Not until you tell me why you're being such a spaz," she practically shouted in a hissing whisper, absolutely exasperated. You teens and your drama, when she always said she wanted to fell young again this is NOT what she meant!  

"Listen i-... iyay amyay egnantpray," you whispered. Pig latin. It was a little code you two usually reserved for secrets. Well, that and talking smack about snotty customers. But wow was this a big ol' secret. 

Iona covered her mouth. Oh, you little idiot! You poor little idiot. Looking over at the unsuspecting boyfriend she sighed, looking you in the eyes. She wanted to just tell you to come clean to your man. The boy hung around you constantly, you two were the ultimate it-couple, there wasn't even sparks it was like watching supernovas. Something this big.. it shouldn't be left in the dark!

But that pitiful expression on your face just begged her to keep quiet, and frankly it wasn't her place to tell you what to do- well, at least in this regard. "Alright, alright. This saturday you're taking my night time shift, there's a big concert I wanna go to. And you gotta wax my car, it's gettin' nasty. And you better write the best damn apology note in the history of apology notes, sweetie. This is huge, you better come clean to him eventually, or I'll kick your little butt you hear me?"

"Yes. Absolutely, fine, deal. Just please, please keep him busy, I'm not ready to tell him," you whined, clutching the door. Frankly it sounded like a piss poor plan, but it couldn't be helped, not right now at least. You didn't have the strength to confront the situation head on, you were barely keeping it together. You wanted to cry all over, jump into his arms and come clean now, but this was neither the time or place.

As soon as Iona went to go over to Paul you stuffed the tests into your purse and bolted out the back door, only this time stealth was not on your side. Right at the mouth of the alleyway, just as you were about to be home free- you ran smack dab into a particularly lithe blonde that felt like a brick wall. You went flying onto the ground, your purse crashing onto concrete with a hundred pieces of your privacy going every direction. In a panic you began to rapidly stuff it all back, barely able to hide the first two tests as you threw some half baked apology Marko's way. Honestly he deserved a better one than that, but you were too frazzled to be fair at the moment.

"Oh shit, Y/N," Marko exclaimed, immediately kneeling down to help you gather the scattered remains of your purse. "Sorry, I didn't even see you, I was coming back for a smoke. Big Ed is such a douche, can you believe theres no smoking on the-..." His words trailed off, and you shortly saw why. Grasped between his pointer finger and thumb was the little pink strip, and a look of complete disbelief. All you could do was snatch it from him, a heavy moment of silence magically muffling the wild noise and shouts of the busy boardwalk. 

"Do...D-Don't worry about it. Look, I gotta get home, I'll see you arou-," you started, trying to jump up, maybe catch him off guard and make a run for it. Not this time. 

You hadn't even noticed he grabbed your wrist, it was such a blur. He stayed silent, standing up and looking right into your eyes with hidden malcontent. You swore if you answered wrong this mischievous cat would tear your throat out. After all, you were his best friend's girl. If you did anything, ANYTHING, to hurt him... Well, let's just say a pregnancy would be the least of your worries. "Why are you running, Y/N? What the hell is this thing," he asked quietly, eyes flickering between red and blue. "Did you…?"

"Oh don't fuckin' even," You snapped, smacking his arm, yanking your hand out of his grasp. "Of course not! You butt! God, are you serious? What do you take me for- No! I- fuck I just- no!" You kick the tin trash can beside you, watching a plethora of trash fly into the air. "I am freaking out! Of course it's Paul's. Oh fucking god, it's Paul's and I don't know what to do!"

Marko's expression softened, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Hey, I didn't mean to make it sound like that, Y/N. Paul's my friend, I just had to be sure you weren't sneaking around, you know?"

You sighed, pushing back your mess of a hair with misty eyes. This was perfect, a real big screw up from start to finish. All you could do was look over at Marko with pleading eyes. "You can't tell him yet. Please, just please please PLEASE, Marko, don't tell Paul yet!"

"Tell me what, babe?"

Shit. Shit on a stick. You looked behind to see Paul halfway out the back door with a look of concern, one that he rarely carried. You and your dumb mouth, go figure.

The blonde pushed through and let the door close behind him, looking over at his best bud standing alone with his girlfriend who was begging him to keep something secret, from him no less.

 "Marko?"

"Nah, nah, don't look at me man, this is all on you guys," he sighed, hands up in a shielding motion. "Good luck buddy. Gotta go, Y/N." with that the young vampire excused himself from this melting pot of drama, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

You just stood there, keeping the little strip tightly grasped behind your back. Paul was silent, but glancing at his hands you saw they were balled so tight his knuckles were white. "P-paul…," you hesitated, biting down on your bottom lip. "I should really… get home.."

Paul only raised a brow, glancing at your arms still tucked behind you. This wasn't like you to hide from him, and that alone frightened him. Nothing had ever frightened him before. And he didn't like the taste of it one bit. "What's behind your back, babe?"

"What?"

Again his spoke, this time his voice lowered into a low growl. "What... do you have... behind your back, babe?" The way he said it was so firm, it made you shake a little. You didn't like stern Paul. They way he hissed the word "babe", practically spoken through clenched teeth

Your throat ached, eyes darting across the ground struggling to think up a good excuse. Anything. A book, your purse, a surprise for him! Anything!

"N-nothing." Apparently, you failed to find any excuses. Great.

Paul's knuckles began to crack, jumping forward to try and snatch it from behind you. When you dodged him, he grew even more furious. You both began to struggle, pushing him away, insisting he just stop and let you leave. But every attempt to reject him only upset him further. Why were you hiding things from him?! How could you just ditch him at the record store when he was worried sick about you??

The struggle built up until finally he had enough. His eyes turned white with rings of fire, brow looming heavily over his eyes and fangs jutting out where his incisors once were. In a flash he grabbed you by you wrists, pinning you so hard to the wall it shook. You still tried to struggle. Thrash, kick, squirm! Steel wished it could be so strong, your muscles ached. This probably wasn't even his full strength, but it dwarfed you in comparison. This terrifying side of Paul you had certainly seen before, but never had you been on the receiving end. It was in all sense of the word, predatorial. He'd never try to kill you, but you still felt that horror build up inside. Rapid, sharp breaths made your chest heave, too afraid to look up at those red eyes still fixated on whatever you kept hidden from him. He continued to pry your stubborn fingers open, ignoring your shaking whimpers. He squoze your wrist, the tendons aching and contracting until your fingertips began to lift up. Any resistance was pretty much useless at this point, but dammit you still tried everything to worm out of his grip. But he had finally had it, you weren't gonna be keeping secrets from him. Now your last finger was pushed off, and he could see what was so damn important that you physically fought him to keep it secret. It was almost slow motion the way the strip spun to the ground, clattering down and landing beside his mud caked boots. He froze, slowly looking down at it. That's it? That's all you-...

You could barely read his face, so many different emotions flashing across it all at once. Occasionally he'd look back up at you, then back down at it. To the point you almost got annoyed that you were still being stuck to a wall while the reality set in. After all, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what that was, just put you down already!

Paul looked at you still pinned beneath him, horrified at how he lost his temper and immediately released you. Still rubbing away the pain across your wrists, you watched him pick it up. A wave of guilt swarmed your body, you didn't know whether to hug him or punt him in the chest.

Hell, a massive tidal wave of guilt overflowed him too. It'd been such a long time since he got that angry.. but worst of all he'd never been like that with you. Never grabbed you so forcefully and ignored your pleas, it was a dark side of him he never wanted to display in front of you. Glancing at the little pink plus at the end of the stick, his mind swirled with a plethora of questions. But slowly he stood up, looking down at you still really trying to process everything that had happened in the past few minutes. "I don't… I don't understand.."

"You- You are such an ass," you shouted out of nowhere, enough that it made him jump. There you were. That's the fiery girl he knew, not the one he exactly wanted to be on the opposing side of at the moment, though.

Paul wasn't surprised you were pissed, but he definitely didn't expect you to start punching his arm. Again. Then again, and again you just kept hiting his arms, his chest, pushing and crying, you were so mad you wanted to chuck him in the ocean! It didn't really hurt that much, but he felt awful he drove you to that point.

Tears blurred your vision as you lashed out on him. All you could do was yell names between sobs, even whack him with your purse. "Paul, you absolute jerk! Butt! Jackass! You smarmy, half wit, blood-sucking tool! You said you were packing blanks, you absolute liar! I was gonna tell yo-! I mean, I know I shouldn't have run-! But you just couldn't wait- and then Marko- and you! You ! Jerk ! Butthead !"

"Hey, ow! Ow! Ow, dammit! I know, I know I went to far-ow not the hair dammit," he demanded, grabbing your arms before you could lay another mighty blow. "Babe! Babe, stop! I thought I was! I swear I didn't know- I-..I never thought that I could get you...." His hands slowly released your shoulders, moving to your hips. "I'm so sorry, baby. I swear, I didn't know.. I'm so sorry."

The way his voice softened only made you want to cry more. This whole day was a mess. You didn't mean to try and run.. You never should've tried to in the first place. God, you were so tired. All this running around, all this secrecy, the fighting, it was exhausting. Paul was the last person you wanted to fight. Sure you had spats and a few heated arguments. Every couple did, even vampires. But this, it was just so.m draining. With a firm thud you plopped your forehead on his sternum, your fingers tightly clinging to the upper sleeves of his jacket. "Wh-what am I supposed to do-… what are we supposed to do now..?"

Paul pondered his options with a solemn face, but there was only one that made him happy. Only one that sat right in his heart. What else could he possibly do, there was only ever going to be one answer even if you told him right away. Most of all, he couldn't stand the sorrow in your eyes. A frown never suited such a beautiful face. He never expected there to be anything to come from your heavy sexcapades, it never seemed like there was any risks in it. He'd never seen a vampire munchkin, least of all he'd never even heard of a vamp conceiving with a human. All he knew now is you, crying in his arms, terrified of what you were carrying. What it could mean. In that moment, he steeled his resolve and came to a final decision.

Silently he tilted your chin up, using his thumb to brush away all those tears staining your cheeks. Those blue eyes, you could get lost in them. Swallowed up by the sea. It wasn't hard to read his mind when he held onto your hip with one hand, while the other that pushed away salty droplets now cupped your cheek. Within moments you crashed your mouth into his, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck.

Warm. A surge of heat filled your body. It was the first time you felt truly alive all day. You could feel your chest heave against his, you didn't want any space between the two of you and only pressed tighter until there wasn't anything left. Each kiss gave momentary breath before you dove in for more. Neither of you could stop. You didn't want to pull away, not even for a split second. The way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way he touched you, the way he felt beneath your fingers; it made your head spin. His hands began to wander, you clutched at anything you could get a hold of. Your body burned, so sweet and long. In those moments the world stopped, it just melted away in streams of light. No one was there but you two. 

It was over too soon, both of you rapidly panting for breath still intertwined. Oh, how you could stare into his eyes forever.

That frown was long gone, replaced by a tender smile. The one he had come to cherish. Paul chuckled softly, breathlessly nuzzling against your collar bone. Slowly he leaned in close to your ear, his disheveled blonde hair brushing up against your cheeks. Lips trailed up flesh, reavhing just beneath your ear. And then you heard those three forbidden words. Such sweet, tender words, you hadn't expected him to say. Although he whispered them so softly they might have gotten lost in the wind, to you they were as clear as the moon on a cloudless night.

"Y/N.... I love you."

It made your heart throb, you thought you might even faint. A lifetime of struggles led up to this beautiful moment. You never expected it to be a half-undressed heavy make out session with your vampire lover, the father of your unborn spawn, in the back alley of a record store on the Santa Carla Boardwalk. But here you were, nestled between him and an old brick wall. Paul loved you, he had said it, he finally said those words that could destroy any doubt you had. And more than anything in the whole wide world, you knew once and for all, you loved Paul.

[myeternalsin]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hello everyone! 2020… WOW. Can I just say that it has been a complete and utter rollercoaster! IT’S BEEN AWFUL! I am making this post to explain multiple things about myself, my stories, my accounts, etc, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and finger snacks because this is gonna be one long a*$ post! (Excuse my French, but considering everything I’m about to explain I felt like I needed to write that!)

First off, 2020. I believe everyone thought that 2020 was going to be their year. Everyone had their hopes and spirits high to the skies. I was one of those many people. I celebrated New Years Eve with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years and thought this year would be perfect. Valentines day on a Friday, my 21st birthday on Easter, 4th of July on a Saturday, etc. COVID-19 happened. I live in Cedar Rapids Iowa where honestly, my governor had and still has done sh*t about COVID-19. 

Around the end of March I was hit with some very hard information. 

The daycare I worked at, 8-5, as a full time job during the week of spring break had it’s numbers DROP. I went from a class of 12 children to a minimum of 4 a day to a maximum of 7 children. I was even given Wednesday off along with my teacher assistant as we were TOO overstaffed at the center. Usually when I leave work at 5 o'clock, there’s about 20 to 25 children left by the end of the day since we close at 6. I should have known that Monday that the week was going to get worse. There were only 6 CHILDREN at the center when I left EARLY at 4:30. The next day I came home at 10 since we were overstaffed again, and was called at noon that our daycare was shut down. I’m laid off. Start filing for unemployment. 

I was completely HEARTBROKEN. I was truly hoping to stay open, not for the pay or to “get the virus so I can stay home” as some of my co workers joked-but to stay open for the CHILDREN. I was praying that they could get through this and that this whole COVID-19 would blow ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL over soon… boy, was I WRONG! 

I celebrated my 21st birthday at the apartment with my boyfriend instead of bar hopping since everything was shut down. I was completely and utterly BOARD. I had no clue what to do with myself! During this time, my boyfriend was also stuck in the apartment instead of at the office. While we were at the apartment, there was this trend on TikTok called the “towel drop challenge”. I was honestly thinking that since were both cooped up in this tiny apartment that was could, ya know, get it on~

Three and a half years. I was with this boy for three and a half years without ever losing my V-card! I mean, we’d tried on multiple occasions but I just never got my cherry popped. I was told by my mom that any boy would have taken my virginity by now and not waited this long. I even asked him a year after we were together if he was possibly gay or asexual. Which wouldn't have been a problem AT ALL! I have no hate against him however he identified sexually, I just wished that he would have told me or he would have done something about it. 

That fateful day, I let him know that I wanted his time and attention. He could have walked away from his computer. There were times where he’d either be on his phone with his head down while “working”, or he’d come out into the living room to play a video game for half an hour while still “logged in and working”. I was hoping to just get ten minutes of his time. I was lying in my bed, naked and waiting for him. I know he saw me too, yet he didn’t do anything. It was the end of his work work shift, and I was waiting with anticipation for him to just POUNCE on me. 

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, “I’m going downstairs to do laundry.”

My whole entire being shattered. I was completely DEVASTATED. I always asked myself after every time we tried having sex if something was wrong with me. Was I not pretty enough? Is it because I got bigger throughout the years we were together? Was it because I was inexperienced? Was I performing wrong on him when we would do stuff? I was pretty sure I was attracted to him both physically and personality wise. So what was wrong?

I got so upset and started screaming and yelling at him while crying everything out about not only what he just did, but about everything. In the end, I just collapsed on the bed and said “I want to go home.” I was like a broken record, uttering that saying over and over again.

So, I moved out. I am still living with my parents, and honestly it was rough and still is. I became so depressed. This boy was my best and sadly only friend I ever had. I had pushed away all of the friends I used to have because of him. I tried contacting some old friends, but they had all moved on with their lives. Everyone’s getting married, engaged, having kids, having pets, graduating college. I had nothing, or at least it felt like it at the time.

No friends, no boyfriend, moved in with my parents, and no job.

That’s right. The owner of the daycare never hired me back on, along with six other staff members. Around the beginning of July, I was wondering why I hadn’t been contacted to come back to work. I was willing to travel even though I didn’t live in that city anymore because of the breakup. I was notified by a coworker that they were back to work already a month ago and she was wondering where I was! I called the daycare and never went through to anyone about why I wasn't back.

I felt so useless. A failure. Disappointment. I wanted to not exist. 

I knew that I shouldn’t have had these thoughts, and it scared the shit out of me that my mind was not only thinking it-but the feeling and urge to actually follow through with it.

So, I contacted my doctor. Got some antidepressants, and am trying to get a therapist at the moment. My doctors building with their therapist are practically booked with everything going on. It’ll still be a little bit before I can talk to someone. I was told by my doctor to try to find something to do that peaks my interest. I thought of my work and you guys. I’m proud of the writing I have and can’t believe I left you guys hanging, both on request and stories. I found something I could do to lift my spirits up yet again!...

PHSYIC!

August 10th 2020, I woke up at 10 in the morning. I made a hearty breakfast and an iced coffee for the first time in FOREVER! I was pumping myself up to get on here and to start writing again! After I was done eating, the city sirens went off.

“Is there a tornado?” I asked my parents. They themselves didn’t know either because both cable and the electricity went out as soon as I asked. We all hurried downstairs with all three and a half dogs as the wind picked up and the rain became more heavy. (I said a half because M,W,F we babysit my sister's little beagle dog.)

We sat and waited for the storm to be over and we were wondering what was going on. My dad was about to get up when BOOM! The house shook and vibrated all around us.

My mom started crying hysterically, my dad tried to comfort the dogs and create a barrier for them not to go upstairs, and I just kinda sat there. It was like I wasn’t really registering what was going on. Maybe it was because I was trying to stay positive? Maybe a couple branches just smashed the siding of the house or window? Were the antidepressants not allowing me to cry and freak out? I wasn’t sure what was going on with me at the time. 

The rain stopped and my parents went upstairs to check everything out while I stayed downstairs with the dogs.

“Drip!”

“Argh! What the!?” I exclaimed as I showed my flashlight on my phone to the ceiling. It was dripping from the heating and cooling vent. I saw other droplets of water along the Styrofoam tile ceiling, and followed the trail towards the small kitchen area where there was water IN the ceiling light!

“Uhhhh, guys?” I yelled to my mom and dad upstairs.

“Wait a couple minutes sweetie!” My mom responded back as I started to hear their hurried feet running around upstairs.

“We got water coming downstairs!” I hollered as I grabbed a couple of empty solo cups I had downstairs since I was living down there to start collecting the water.

“Yeah? That’s ’cause we got a hole in the house!” My dad yelled.

The big tree in the backyard that was planted from the previous owner back in the 1950’s crashed into the living room from this storm we later learned 3 days later called Derecho. We’ve been recovering for about a month now. Almost everything is back to normal. 

We got power and water back 2 weeks ago from today, the internet back a week ago, and cable has been kind of wonky. We’ve been wanting nothing but the news and were able to have cable for ONE DAY. It crashed and we still don’t have cable. We’ve tried antennas but they just aren’t working in our location. 

The downstairs floor is ruined. We had to rip out the carpet and the floors now have asbestos. I live upstairs now in the guest room and we’re pretty much confined to the entry way since we still have a huge hole in the living room. No comfortable seating either. We’re hoping to hear back from the insurance claim sometime this week… but there's a possibility that we might just have to move if the damage is too much. 

To put the good old fashioned cherry on top, one of our dogs may no longer be with us this week. She hasn’t eaten in the past couple of days and is only drinking water. We’re taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what’s going on, or if she’s suffering too much.

Honestly… 2020 can F#@! OFF! It’s been such an awful year! But! I am ready to get back into the swing of things and get back to writing and writing for you guys again!

I was going to explain some things about my accounts and rules but I feel a tad bit drained after writing this all out, and I haven't typed on a keyboard in so long! My wrists HURT! Give me a couple of hours and I'll be back with a PSA part 2! I will be posting this to all of my accounts so no one is left out of the loop. Be back soon! 

~MyEternalSin

[missblanchette]

Rumor Has It [6/10]

Series: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Izanami Hifumi/Yumeno Gentaro; Minor Jinguji Jakurai/Kannonzaka Doppo

Rating: T

Summary: Thousands of hearts broke that day. With tears shed and cries resounding to the heavens, each grief-stricken woman wondered how this could possibly happen. In the year 20XX of the H. Era, Matenrou’s MC GIGOLO and Fling Posse’s MC Phantom were officially in a relationship.

Except they weren’t, actually.

Notes: The first part kiiinda reads like a chat fic LMAO I tried to make the images as small as possible while still being readable, but there’s a link to the high res of the chats if you click on the day of the week!

Words: 3,470 + a looot of text messages lol

ko-fi // Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | You can read this on AO3! Thank you for reading~! Hope you guys enjoy~! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

Ch. 6: Head Over Heels

tuesday

wednesday

thursday

friday

saturday

"Er, Hifumi? A little help here?" Doppo said, juggling two bowls of curry udon in his hands.

"Gimme o~ne sec, Doppo-chin," singsonged Hifumi as he snapped pictures of the food. Three weeks wasn't that long in retrospect, but it felt like three decades since he was able to cook anything saucier than omurice. Sure, he couldn't do it all on his own, but with some (read: a lot of) direction, Doppo could whip something up. At the very least, it actually looked like udon and not a glob of goo like that time Doppo heated up cup noodles.

"What are you doing?"

"Sending pics to Yumenon." Hifumi hummed as he scrolled through his camera roll, unsure of which ones to send. They all looked good so he sent every single one. "I told him we were cooking, so I wanted to show him what a great job you did. Oh, I should show Doc, too!"

Hands too busy to hide his face, Doppo looked away. "It's not that great..."

"Of course it is!" Texts sent, Hifumi pocketed his phone and grabbed a bowl from Doppo. Skipping over to the dining room, the savory scent of the broth wafted throughout. "Ooh, smells yummy~"

"I just did what you told me to." Putting down the rest of the food, Doppo busied himself with setting up the table.

"And you're the one who did the actual cooking. It looks great, so be proud of yourself!"

Flopping into his seat, Doppo sighed. "Well, it doesn't matter if it doesn't taste great."

"Aw, c'mon, it's not like you burnt anything this time," Hifumi said, shoving him playfully. "I'm sure it's, like, edible."

Doppo grunted ("Whatever you say" in Dopponese), but he eyed the food nonetheless. Smiling, Hifumi plopped into his seat and clapped his hands together.

"Let's eat, then?"

Doppo followed suit. "Let's eat."

Not wasting a second, Hifumi grabbed his chopsticks and slurped up some udon. The richness of the curry and the mild sweetness hitting his tongue, his eyes widened and he melted into the flavor.

"Oh my God, Doppo-chin, this is good!"

Rubbing the back of his neck, Doppo looked down at his bowl. He hadn't touched his food yet. "You mean that?"

"Why wouldn't I? Like, okay, maybe the noodles are a little too soft and maybe it's kinda salty, but It’s so savory and rich! I gotta let Doc know!"

"You don't have to, it's not that big of a deal --"

"It totally is, it's your first not-crappy meal! Doc's gonna be so impressed~" Faster than Doppo could blink, Hifumi shot Matenrou's group chat with nothing but stickers and cheers for his food. He gasped then, seeing the next name on his contacts. "I'll let Yumenon know, too."

"Yumeno-san, huh..." Brow creasing, Doppo took a bite of his food. "You've been talking to him a lot recently."

All his focus on LINE, Hifumi nodded. "Yeah! He's pretty fun to talk to, actually."

"That's nice..." Trailing off, Doppo tapped his chopsticks against the edge of his bowl in a steady rhythm. "Hey, Jinguji-san and I are planning on going out tomorrow, and we wanted to know if you wanted to come? I know it's tiring staying home all day."

Hifumi's head snapped up. "Boy, do I! Where are we going? Fishing?"

"No fishing for you yet --" Hifumi pouted, to which Doppo huffed out a laugh. "-- but we're going out for lunch."

"Ooh, where? Can we get Italian?"

"Italian sounds good.”

"Yay! How 'bout after? Are we doing anything?"

"We didn't have anything in mind, but we can do something if you want to."

"Why don't we go to Sakuragaoka-cho Street?"

"Sakuragaoka-cho...?" The tapping quickened. "Isn't that in Shibuya?"

"Yep."

"I don't know, Hifumi..."

"Awww, c'mon, Doppo-chin." He took Doppo's hand from across the table and bounced it up and down, putting an end to the tapping. "I think you'll like it there. It's like really pretty and quiet and there's tons of cafes along the street, so you can relax a little! Doc, too."

Lips pursing, Doppo gave him a once over. If he had anything to say, he didn't and welp, that was Doppo for you. Instead, he sighed that sigh of his -- the light, relenting one rather than the heavy, exasperated one. Small as it was, he smiled.

----------------

"We'll see," he said, his grip on Hifumi's hand tightening.

The next morning, Hifumi woke up bright and early for the day that awaited him; his excitement made more palpable when he saw he had a text from Gentaro.

Heart leaping, Hifumi replied immediately.

Though he was far from impatient, never had waiting for a text felt so long. Tick, tick, tick, the seconds ticked by and --

His shoulders sagged, lips curling down as he read Gentaro's message. But as he began typing a reply, his phone pinged.

Perking up, he grinned.

With that, Hifumi hopped out of bed. Today was already looking to be good, but now it had to be great -- no, amazing! He was going to have fun for two, after all.

----------------

It was a once in a blue moon occasion that he was able to hang out with Doppo, let alone him and Jakurai at once. A shame this time was because of his medical leave, but. Whatever. The reason wasn't important. As promised, Doppo and Jakurai took him out for Italian -- the real, fancy kind, much to his delight. What wasn't so delightful, though, was how they paid for his food despite his protests. No matter! He'd just have to get back at them by cooking a super yummy meal the next time they were all able to get together.

Again, he lost two-against-one when deciding what to do after lunch -- or more like Jakurai suggested somewhere else and Doppo went "Anywhere is fine with me, but..." which pretty much meant "Yeah, let's go with Jinguji-san's idea" -- but he couldn't deny that Shinjuku Gyoen was a nice place. What really mattered to him, anyways, was that he was there with Doppo and Jakurai. With an arm linked with each of theirs, even he could appreciate the calm and quiet of the park. How couldn't he, when Doppo’s blood vessels weren’t on the verge of popping for once and Jakurai, too, wasn't tense with stress. Speaking of which...

A grin growing on his face, Hifumi dropped his hands to grab onto Doppo's and Jakurai's. He swung their hands about in an arc once, twice, three times before hopping back from his place in the middle and clasping their hands together.

Pausing, Doppo narrowed his eyes at him. The blush coloring his cheeks didn't help him much, though.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing~"

"Hifumi." Despite his glare, Doppo hadn't let go of Jakurai's hand.

"What?" he said, waving him off. "You guys are a couple, so you gotta act like one!"

Doppo heaved a sigh, the exasperated one. "My coworkers already ask me enough about you and Yumeno-san, I don't need them hounding me about Jinguji-san either."

"Actually, Doppo-kun --" Jakurai cut in before Hifumi could speak again. Holding Doppo's hand to his chest, a light pink dusted his cheeks in spite of the calm expression he wore. "-- there aren't too many people out here, so perhaps it wouldn't hurt to indulge in Hifumi-kun for now?"

Stuttering, Doppo's face reddened. "W-Well, I guess not..."

More than happy to play cupid, Hifumi wrapped his arms around them and pushed them forward with a laugh. They chattered on about life and the like as they continued strolling through the park, Hifumi more than eager to listen to Doppo's and Jakurai's work stories since home wasn't exactly the most exciting place. All the while, the wind swept by and sent the sakura petals flying in their direction.

"Maybe we should make you a flower crown, Doc." Hifumi giggled, picking off the petals that'd gotten caught in Jakurai's hair. From his palms, the breeze carried the petals away and they drifted into the sky; counting them off one by one, the scene reminded him of another outing that took place a while ago. "Y'know, this is kinda like when I went out with Yumenon the other day!"

"'Yumenon'?" Jakurai asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, he means Yumeno-san."

"Yeppers! I dropped by Shibuya last week and ran into him."

Jakurai let out a low hum. "I wasn’t aware you two were that close."

"Yeah, we started talking lots after the the whole stabbing incident. Look, see." Pulling out his phone, he opened up his LINE chat with Gentaro and shoved it into Jakurai's face. "Hey, we should take a selfie! Let him know what we're up to."

"Perhaps later, Hifumi-kun." Jakurai's lips tugged up, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. He took a cursory glance at the screen before gently nudging Hifumi's hand away. "While I'm glad you're making friends, I advise you to be cautious around Yumeno-kun."

Hifumi’s steps slowed down, his brows furrowing. "What? Why?"

"Yumeno-kun is a member of Fling Posse, yes?" Blue irises clouding over, Jakurai brought their stroll to a stop. "Then certainly he has agreed to Amemura-kun's terms and Amemura-kun is... not the most trustworthy person out there."

Hifumi pouted. "Aw, Dr. Jakurai..."

"It's weird, though, isn't it?" Doppo piped up. Biting his lip, his gaze shifted from the ground to Hifumi. "That he came to our apartment when he shouldn't have known where we lived? And didn't you say he called you before this whole thing happened? That seems kind of suspicious to me..."

Pout turned frown, Hifumi started shaking Doppo's arm. "I mean... yeah, but...!"

Jakurai placed a hand on Hifumi’s shoulder, calming him down a bit.

"I do not wish to jump to conclusions, but Doppo-kun has a point. All of this seems rather sudden, so I think it would be wise to keep your guard up."

"You guys make it sound like he's some kinda bad guy..."

"Maybe he's not as good as he seems," Doppo said, barely audible.

"Nope!" Hifumi slapped his hands over his ears. "Don't wanna hear it!"

"Hifumi --"

"You guys are taking this waaay too seriously."

Taking a step back, Hifumi met Doppo's gaze, then Jakurai's. He'd seen those wary looks in their eyes before -- too many times to count from Doppo, always there to keep him from jumping headfirst into things; from Jakurai, whenever his past got brought up, regardless of how many reassurances he gave. Usually he could appreciate their levelheadedness, but accusing a friend was different than getting into trouble. Especially when they didn't know him like he did.

"There's no way Yumenon's a bad guy... Like, have you read his books? Or even seen the work he puts into them?" He continued, his hands clenching at his sides and his nails digging into his skin. A book filled with notes and dreams came to mind, fantastical stories woven about people passing by; the look on Gentaro’s face as he covered every detail and spun each tale one of pure joy. "He puts so much care and effort into what he does! And the stories themselves, there's so much emotion in them. There's a lonely kinda feel to them, but there's always a happy ending -- like, there's always hope no matter what!"

He paused, trying to make sense of Doppo and Jakurai's reactions. Nothing, except for silence and stares. They listened -- they always listened -- but he needed them to understand as well.

"When you write something like that, I can't believe someone like him could be bad..." Softly, Hifumi said, "I don't wanna believe someone like him could be bad."

Far and few between was it that his voice dipped so quietly, but he’d dropped to a whisper once he'd finished. Unfurling his fingers, he hadn't realized how hard he'd been clenching his hands until the cuts left behind began to sting. His words hanging in the air, the only thing keeping the silence from falling over was the pounding of his heart in his ears.

For better or for worse, Jakurai was always a pillar of calmness and now was no exception; his eyes holding no hint of either acceptance or rejection. Meanwhile, Doppo looked to Jakurai hesitantly -- a sign that he had an answer but was unsure of himself. Jakurai met his gaze and after a moment, they shared a nod.

Jakurai's lips tugged up first, the smile lifting a weight off Hifumi’s chest. "If that's what you believe, Hifumi-kun, then I will have to put my faith in your judgement."

"I guess, but..." Doppo glanced around before looking back at him, worry etched onto his face. "If he does anything to you, you have to tell us, okay?"

"'Course, Doppo-chin." He beamed, taking Doppo's hand and squeezing it. "But like I said, you don't gotta worry about a thing; Yumenon's a good guy through and through!"

Doppo's frown deepened. "If you say so..."

"Hey, now, no frowning! We're out here for fun, aren't we?" he said and tugged the corners of Doppo's lips up. Mood brightening, he spotted a food cart over to the side of the park. "Look, they're selling takoyaki. C'mon!"

Grabbing Jakurai’s hand, Hifumi ran off with the two of them stumbling behind.

"Hifumi, your injury!"

----------------

As all fun days did, their outing ended much too soon, but he and Jakurai of all people knew that Doppo's social battery only lasted so long. With the sun steadily setting, they parted ways with Jakurai at the train station. Though they invited him to stay over for the night, he couldn't since he had work in the morning. Disappointing as it was, Hifumi didn’t dwell on it and focused on dragging Doppo up to their apartment.

Not bothering to change out of his clothes yet, Doppo crashed face first into the couch. Laughter bubbling up, Hifumi jumped in beside him and Doppo scooched over to make room. Their arms tangled together, Doppo let out a deep sigh -- the last of his energy leaving with that breath. The quiet allowing him to mull over everything that happened today, Hifumi remembered Gentaro's texts from this morning and gasped. Squirming about, he patted his pockets.

"What are you getting all antsy for?" came Doppo's muffled voice.

"I gotta tell Yumenon about our day," he said, pulling out his phone. "I invited him to come, but he said he couldn't so he told me to have fun for him."

Doppo snorted. "Honestly, the way you talk about him makes it sound like you're in love with him."

Finger hovering above Gentaro's name, Hifumi froze.

Love was a funny thing. He loved fishing and he loved cooking, but he also loved Doppo and he loved Jakurai. While he loved all of them equally, they weren't exactly the same kind of love. That was to say, there was a lot to love in the world, and he had a lot to give! Try as he might, though, striking up relationships of any kind wasn't exactly his strong suit. Doppo said it was because he didn't watch what he said, but he always thought it better to say things how they were.

And maybe, yeah, that was where everything went wrong when he first met Gentaro. His clothes were weird and he wasn't afraid to point that out, but Hifumi learned to love that part of him -- just like he learned to love all the other things about him. Subdued as he was, his clothes helped him stand out and made him unique. Sometimes he said one thing and did another, but he knew his heart was always in the right place; he could see it in the way he put his all into his work and treated his posse. Most of all, he found it easy to be around him. Their back-and-forth became natural with their bad blood behind them, something he never realized was missing his whole life. From the pretentious writer to the whimsical storyteller, he'd come to care for him and all that he did.

But even if he could love Gentaro, to be in love seemed a grander thought. For all the love he had and gave, Hifumi had never felt that spark or that flutter of the heart; none of the fireworks nor the giddy excitement. At least, not until Gentaro came along. Not until he’d shared his worlds with him, not until he’d seen the smile on his face as he created stories with passion, not until he’d heard his airy laughter that tinkled in his ears.

Hifumi loved Gentaro. And perhaps, he was in love with him, too.

"You're right," Hifumi said softly.

Picking up his head, Doppo let out a flat "What."

"You're right, Doppo-chin." He shook him, voice growing louder. "I'm in love with Yumenon!"

"No, what, I was -- I was just joking." Doppo grabbed his hand, stopping the shaking. "You've only known him for like a week or two, you can't possibly be in love with him!"

"Well... I wanna be in love with him," he said, because if he wasn't in love with him now, then surely one day he would be. Quality over quantity they said, and so time was but a small factor if the moments they shared meant anything. "I wanna go on dates with him, and hold hands with him, and be with him!"

"You already do that stuff with me and Jinguji-san, what makes him any different?"

"This!" Hifumi pointed to his heart. "I love you and Dr. Jakurai, but... Yumenon makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Doppo squinted. "Do you hear yourself?"

"Loud and clear. I wanna be in love with Yumenon!"

"He's our rival."

"The battle season's over, so it doesn't matter, right?"

"You barely know him."

"Then I'll get to know him better."

"You've seen what's happened already --" Doppo jabbed a finger towards Hifumi’s abdomen. "-- the backlash is going to get worse."

"So what? People can do whatever they wanna do."

"You're... really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Sure am!" Hifumi said with no hesitation. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Cautious eyes running over him, Doppo fell silent. A million thoughts ran through Hifumi's mind, anything and everything to convince him about Gentaro, but he knew Doppo needed quiet to think. All he could do now was clutch onto Doppo's hands as he waited for his response.

"If he makes you happy then..." He took a deep breath, another beat passing. "I guess it's fine."

Breaking into a grin, Hifumi cheered and threw his arms around Doppo. He squeezed him as tightly as he could, rocking him back and forth.

"He does, he makes me really happy! I think you'll like him a lot, too, Doppo-chin!" Before Doppo could reply, he gasped and pulled back from the hug. Unlocking his phone, he continued on, "I should let him know how I feel right now! It'll be really fun, we can like go on double dates and --"

"Wait, wait, wait, slow down there." Doppo held him back. "You're going to confess to him through text ? He won't take you seriously like that."

Lips puckering, Hifumi tilted his head. "Really? Then what should I do?"

Doppo's mouth hung open as if to speak, but he stared blankly at him.

"Sorry, I don't really know..." Face scrunching up, his tongue poked out in thought. "Take him out or something? Do something meaningful, I guess."

"Meaningful, meaningful, meaningful..." He mulled over the suggestion, bobbing his head slowly. Doppo had a point, now that he thought about it; their short time together meant they didn't have as many moments with each other -- even less were those that were actually good. Still, one memory in particular stood out: an impromptu day out filled with flowers and fantasies.

"Oh, I know! I'll take him out and get him roses and make it super duper romantic~"

"That... sounds nice, yeah." Doppo nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Good luck, Hifumi. I hope it works out."

He patted his shoulder and flashed a V-sign. "No need to hope, it'll work out for sure! Just you see, Doppo-chin."

Heart flying over the moon, Hifumi turned his attention to his phone screen. Gentaro's name stared back at him, and he grew giddy with all the things he wanted to say to him: “You’re so pretty!” and “You’re amazing!!” and “I love you!!!” among other things right at the tip of his fingers. It took everything in him to keep all of it to himself, but he knew they could say everything they wanted to say once he confessed. The perfect plan in mind, Hifumi wasted no time opening up his chat with Gentaro.

[kfawkes]

Promise - [Eggsy Unwin x Reader]

[AHHH THIS WAS SO FUCKING MUCH FUN HOLY SHIT lol. This is sorta like a TGC sequel…. kinda??? Sorta, lol with a fix it where everyone is happy lol. But its angsty af too because yes. :) Hope you like it anon!!!! Also hope you like the end I worked hard on that for you lol. As usual the codename Tristan is used for you :)

Pairing: Eggsy x Reader with Roxy, Merlin AND Harry lol. I had fun with this one.

Words: 3.1K I am so sorry hahahaha

Warnings: Cursing, angst, sorta spoilers but not really?

— Read on Ao3!]

“You can’t actually be suggesting that we don’t tell her. This is her fi—” Roxy started, quite loudly might you add.

“Of course not, but she doesn’t need t—“

Roxy was standing across from Merlin, and he seemed to have been just as affected by whatever the hell was happening. You clearly had walked in on a moment, a tense one at that. And by the shift in air and cascade of silence as you stepped forward, you had a feeling just who the ‘her’ in question was.

But… what the fuck were they talking about?

Roxy took an uneasy step from Merlin, pulling her top lip between her teeth as she slid her slender fingers to her hips; unable to look at you. Merlin behaved just as suspiciously, shuffling his weight and pulling a hand across his chin while he absently tapped his notepad to his thigh.

It was hard for you to talk at first, and not knowing what was happening didn’t help one bit. One thing you did know was that you really didn’t like when people talked about you… especially when the conversation was heated and/or involved not telling you something.

Before you spoke you sent out a soft smile; one not nearly as convincing as you wanted it to be as you crossed your arms. “Tell me what?”

Neither of them had even tried denying you were their subject; but after a moment they both slid their eyes to yours almost guiltily as if on queue. Roxy gritted her teeth before stepping towards you, twiddling her fingers anxiously at her navel.

“What?” When you spoke this time, you didn’t bother masking your confusion and near engulfing anger. Those nerves sent their familiar prickle of anxiety through you so strongly it tingled clear to your fingertips, and you needed to know what was going on. “What is it?”

“Eggsy… He-there’s been… something happened during the mission.” Roxy’s brows were dark, and so were her pale amber eyes.

“Wh… what do y—,” You paused to swallow down the lump that began forming in your throat as your mouth went dry. Moving your eyes from Roxy to Merlin’s offered no sense of comfort, and his were much darker than hers had been… Now as you finish he wasn’t even able to even look at you anymore. “What happened?”

Neither of them offered their response, and your eyes immediately began filling with warm tears; they pressed ferociously at your lids begging for release. “He’s… Eggsy’s okay, right? He— there w-was an accident, he—he’s hurt… bu-but he’s okay, he’s fine… right?”

But you knew by the look they sent you that Eggsy was anything but ‘fine’.

“He’s not…” You breathed lightly trying to ground yourself as you leaned back on Merlin’s desk.

Roxy stepped forward again, attempting to place a hand to your shoulder, but you pulled back forcefully. You weren’t mad at her, of course you weren’t… But you knew what that touch meant and you didn’t want to believe it— you wouldn’t.

Only, by the way she looked at you as she shook her head softly, you knew you couldn’t deny it.

Those eyes of hers were so heavy and full of despair; and in that second it felt like a bomb had been dropped atop your head. You couldn’t hear anything… you couldn’t see anything, there was just a dull persistent ringing clanging in your otherwise still mind.

“No. There– it’s not possible.” You began shaking your head profusely standing in protest; the denial setting in, sinking its teeth into your worried flesh. And now you were losing your balance as the sickly feeling stuck to you like tree sap.

You were so light headed, so fucking confused that you nearly forgot where you were. The tears weren’t gentle, but coursing and pouring with a vengeance and all you could see were flashes of his face…

Flashes of black and Eggsy’s smile…

Another flash of darkness began creeping, poisoning your mind and vision as you nearly felt his hands sliding up your neck and into your hair…

Then all you could hear was dull ringing in the silence; the voices of your friends and coworkers were muffled and echoing as if in the distance…

“No… please no.”

———

It’s quite… it’s so damn quiet.

It’s been this way since you lost Eggsy and all you felt was emptiness. Deep, dark, emptiness and part of you wondered if this would ever get better.

Since Eggsy died, you had trouble doing the simplest things. Everything you did was a chore. Breathing was a chore, eating was a chore… Even the things you loved were hard for you to do, and you knew it wasn’t right. That he wouldn’t want you to rot away alongside him wherever the hell that was…

But you couldn’t help it. There just didn’t seem to be a point anymore as terrible as that sounds. And if there was? You were having a hard time seeing it lately.

You’d never loved anything the way you loved Eggsy, and not having a body to bury made everything that much worse. It was like you couldn’t find closure… because as crazy as it sounds, without a body there was still a chance he could be alive, wasn’t there?

Eggsy would never give up on you, you couldn’t give up on him. Even though you knew, deep down you knew… it was pointless.

All you could hear right now is Eggsy promising you he’d always make it back to you. That you’d never be alone…

Funny enough… you were alone, and that’s exactly how you felt.

And that just made things harder to accept. It was hard to accept that the only person you ever loved was gone forever. That someone could be here one day, and just… gone the next. That everything you admired and cared for had just been erased suddenly; like wiping a fucking computer. Reduced to a name on a tombstone and a bunch of fucking pictures and memories too painful to revisit.

It was hard to move on when you had someone like Eggsy showing you just how special you were… Showing you everyday that you were meant to be his. That he was it: your end game.

It’d been 6 months, and it still felt fresh every morning you woke in that bed; cold and alone. A painful reminder that you lost everything locked around your ring finger, unspoken vows and broken promises… But you had to try to be a person, didn’t you? If not for yourself, at least for Eggsy.

So today, like all days you rolled over lazily— exhausted even though you’d slept at least 10 hours. The funny thing about being depressed was that you could sleep as much as you wanted, but you still woke up just as tired. Or… maybe that wasn’t funny now that you thought about it.

You eyed the empty space beside you with heavy eyelids, curling your lips into a pained frown. The wound reopening and poring its fresh blood across you and for a second you could almost see Eggsy there again… Laying shirtless on his stomach; with his broad shoulders hiding the lower half of his face, his arms stuffed under his pillow effortlessly… That golden crown of hair every which way from the night before, and his restful slumber shining in the sunlight.

You reached your hand out, wanting to feel his warmth there, but you only felt emptiness instead. The cold, crisp reminder that he was really gone and like a wave it overtook you once more. Pulling you into its wild current and you couldn’t breathe.

And as the feelings take you over, you shoved your face into his pillow almost desperately. It still smelled like him, but if you kept this shit up it wouldn’t for much longer and that scared you.

JB and Prince noticed your fit, but of course they did… Within seconds they both began licking your face and the fingers you draped over it affectionately. They missed Eggsy almost as much as you did, that much was clear but they didn’t understand where he went the way you did… how could they?

You wiped your eyes with the long sleeves of his button up, throwing your heavy arms around them both, pulling them tightly into a hug.

“I’m sorry you guys…” You whispered into JB’s head as you pressed kisses to both of them.

You were half ready to just call in today… let Roxy and Harry deal with whatever needed to be done while you ate a tub of lavender ice cream while crying and watching some romantic movie with a happy ending. But when you looked at your phone and read the message across the screen, you felt a strange trickle rushing through you.

MESSAGES

Merlin

‘It’s urgent. Bring JB.’

———

When you made it to Kingsman things felt… weird. Off. Like something wasn’t right. But it wasn’t every day your coworkers asked you to bring in your dead fiancés dog to work, so clearly something was up.

The message alone was enough to get you out of the house in less than 10 minutes, but considering you basically gave up on personal care or looking– well, not dead, that was close to your average nowadays.

When you pushed through the doors of the shop Merlin, Roxy and Harry were all there clearly awaiting your arrival. As you stepped closer they all stood anxiously and you felt it like a truck had slammed into your chest at full speed.

“What the hell is this… is this an intervention or something? Cause if it is, I’m goi—” You started taking a defensive step towards the door as you pull JB closer to your chest protectively.

“No, Tristan… It’s nothing like that.” Roxy started shaking her head with brows lowered. The look she wore was one you didn’t know so well and it made you more nervous than you were before.

“Then… what is it like? This is— kinda… weird don’t you think?” You were rather uneasy and talking faster than you wanted to be, but seriously just… what the fuck was this?

“We… we have something to show you.” Merlin cleared his throat before talking, his hand held his other wrist tightly. “Try not to… be alarmed if you can manage.”

Harry just sent you a soft smile lowering his head slightly in a nod; and you tried to read the expression behind his eye, but his too was nearly impossible to understand.

“Okay… what?” You breathed out with chest heaving tenaciously. JB was beginning to wrestle about in your arms, so you dropped him to your feet lightly.

“Do you remember when Eggsy and I found Harry… How he didn’t really know who he was?” Merlin asked raising his brows at you passively releasing his grip on his wrist as he signal towards Harry.

“Yeah, of course. What about it?” You asked tossing them all a quick glance, feeling as though you were late and seriously unprepared for a performance. “What are you trying to say…”

You didn’t realize it at first with how overwhelmed you were feeling, but Harry had left the room.

Merlin was talking still, but now you weren’t listening… Instead you were watching as Harry walked slowly down the stairs tucked behind the register. You listened as a second set of feet made their way behind him… Your eyes followed as JB ran from your side and up the stairs, barking excitedly.

All you could see were two legs in a pair of bright white adidas. After a moment two arms kneeled down to pet him and your breath was so fast, that you felt like your heart was seconds away from bursting through your chest; Aliens style.

But you just watched anxiously as the hands lifted JB up, and continued their decent down the steps leisurely…

Time itself was moving so slowly that it felt like everything had almost stopped and you didn’t know what to expect… what you’d see…

But when the man reached the base of the stairs… it was Eggsy, just like you knew it would be.

He was there, just standing and looking from Roxy to Harry, then ending on Merlin… Smiling wide and pure as JB licked his face excitedly.

Tears filled your eyes immediately, and you felt your whole body begin to shake as you stare at him. Watching in awe as he looked at JB still holding that perfectly cheeky smile you loved so fucking much. The smile you were sure you’d never see again…

“An who’s this?” Eggsy asked not looking from the pug he held tightly, enjoying the shower of affection.

Eggsy still hadn’t noticed you standing off in the corner by the door and it was apparent that he didn’t recognize JB at all… At that realization you took in a deep pained gasp; one that was far too loud, throwing your hand over your mouth as the salted tears slipped from your eyes aggressively.

He darted his gaze to yours immediately upon your exhale, clearly being caught by surprise; and at first he looked so young and innocent… like someone else entirely. And he didn’t know who the fuck you were…

“This guy yours?” Eggsy asked, hardly seeming to notice you…

You pulled your hand from your mouth, still not moving or speaking as you send your tongue to wet your lips. When he looked at you again, you shook your head ever so slightly back and fourth in silent reply.

In the next seconds you watched as Eggsy’s eyes changed. That azure stare shifted as he narrowed his eyes on yours; scanning you like the pages of a book he could hardly make out. A moment later he stepped closer, each footstep more cautious than the last; with eyes still pushed to thin slits. The expression he wore was one you’d seen a hundred times before. It was the same look he made when he was trying to remember an actors name, or the title of some song stuck in his head…

Like something was on the tip of his tongue… but he just couldn’t figure out what it was.

He cocked his head slightly, standing between the two tables holding their respective items sporting that same bewildered look. His lips parted as he place JB to the ground taking another leery step in your direction. “I… I know you, don’I?”

You still couldn’t speak, but you nodded once with lips clenched together like they were glued in place.

“Wh… where do I…” Eggsy started with uncertainty, then turned to look at Harry sharply. He pulled his hand to his head gripping his eyes shut behind a tight fist, his face pulled about uncomfortably.

You stepped closer to him instinctively, wanting nothing more than to protect him. To hug him, and tell him how much you loved him and missed him. You didn’t even give a shit how he got there, or that he was legally dead… You could figure all that shit out later.

What mattered now was that he was here… that he was alive.

After a moment Eggsy lifted his face to yours, his eyes wide matching your own. His lips parted again as he swallowed deeply before saying your name.

In a flash you closed the space between each other, pressing your bodies together tightly like you couldn’t be close enough. The pull was so strong it was magnetic and you never wanted to let him go. The way he kissed you was deep, fervent, and you honestly didn’t care if you were just stuck in some sick dream.

When you separated you noticed that the others had already retreated someplace else; offering the privacy you so desperately needed. You were full of questions, and desperate for answers but nothing came out but more tears.

Eggsy put both of his hands around your face, holding you softly between them as he wipe the tears away with his thumbs. “How long’s it been, luv? Why’s it feel like years since I done that?”

You pulled your hands to rest around his wrists as you rub your thumbs on the  back of his hands. When you spoke, you could hardly raise above a whisper and your tone was lined with reluctance. “6 months and 22 days…”

Eggsy shook his head unbelieving, released a pained exhale at your chest; his mouth opening and taking many shapes before he pulled his lip tightly between his teeth. He looked like he was going to break for a moment, but his eyes lightened and he smiled at you so sweetly that all of your worries began seeping away.

“Did you miss me?” He asked softly, his words sweet like honey as he kissed you on the tip of your nose.

“That’s what you have to say? Seriously?” You laughed pushing him playfully in the stomach, feeling the familiar way he flinched at your soft pokes; and for a moment you were back to normal. Back to before you had to live a life without him in it, if you could really call what you did living…

He pulled you closer, locking his arms around your waist securely. “Bit better than ‘I lived’, innit?”

“I don’t know what the fuck I expected.” You confessed, deciding that this was most definitely the response you’d anticipated. Leave it to Eggsy to crack a joke after coming back from the dead, so to say…

But it really was nice to laugh again and it was amazing to have him back– even his shitty one liners.

Eggsy kissed you again, softer than the last time; like he was soaking you up as he pulled one hand to the back of your neck softly. Breathing you in like a long forgotten scent, and in a way: you were. “I love you so fuckin’ much, you know that don’ya?”

“Love you too, Eggy.” You scanned each new pale scar that decorated his chin as you pulled your fingers across the one over his eyebrow; tracing it lightly. “I can’t lose you again…”

“You ain’t gonna. Was a one time thing— my dyin’, I swear it.” He reassured you with confidence so strong, there was no denying he believed it wholeheartedly.

So you kissed him, finally feeling whole again. “Do you promise?”

“Promise, luv. Told ya, didn'I? Was always gonna come back to ya… jus lost my way for a bit.”

You weren’t sure he could really make a promise like that again, but for now you were prepared to believe anything that slipped from his perfect lips. And if you’d learned anything from this mess, it was that if anyone could keep their word… it was Eggsy.

“Always.”

[transbcyfriend]

Every Question >:3

well Shit ig now bc i’m Required By Law to answer these i gotta

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes – and god am i grateful.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

i mean i’m 18 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

…yesterday? the day before?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do it all the time at work so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i wouldn’t say mad.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

too many to count!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a legend of zelda hoodie and a wild patterned set of lounge pants from pink republic. i haven’t changed in several days i’m uh Sick

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i don’t do it every single day it’s scientifically proven i’ll shrivel up and die

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans. jeans definitely.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

it did at the time, and not for the better. fuck that shit

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

mmMMMMMmMMM depends on the situation?? if i’m like clocked in at work, if i’m somewhere i actively enjoy, or on The Web™, i’m social, but otherwise i don’t rlly interact with ppl hnfngnf

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

not yet.

13. What about ‘R’?

nope!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

can i get a FUCK NO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

depends on the person. someone i’m close to and like? yes. someone who i’m not close to and dislike? nah.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmMMMMMM a few days ago? few days ago.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

HMMMM y’know i don’t think i would, mine are like ?? hazel and ppl make comments abt them being diff colors n shit in certain lights sometimes and i Like That so

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

in fact, yes! i would uh Die For Him

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

i’m sick and can’t breathe

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YOU KNOW I BE ON THAT GAY SHIT !!!!!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a wooden chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yep!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

oh yeah. god yeah.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@lazybones25 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, not rlly. last time i got sick was … sophmore year of hs? junior year? i don’t remember.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

it was a gift from my buddy bri

30. Does anyone hate you?

there’s at least one i can think of off the top of my head, soooooo yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

noooo, me? drink? me, a consumer of alcohol. ur pullin’ my leg, i don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

i’m just Meh on it bc most movies nowadays are so played out and predictable that they’re just not scary to me

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

kinda, yeah. it’s an on/off want, still deciding.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

just one? fuck. any of the years between being 13-16.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

actually i did! i had a dream i lost my job bc one of my managers was in a bad mood and was basically like “well u should’ve thought more abt your career than ur education, ur fired since u wanna go 2 college, can’t change ur hours”

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmmm … unlikely.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yep.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i’d hope so! don’t gotta be, but it’d be cute and i’d Like That

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was ok – i spiraled into being sick, but it was ok

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

unlikely.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yep.

44. What’s the best part about school?

mmm mM MM prolly just making friends w/ ppl in ur classes. that, and just how chill the professors are. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

fun fact – i don’t have a facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

fuck yeah my guy

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

way too often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not and god i’m rlly happy abt that

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

looking when college classes start again but i Don’t Wanna

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

i’d be lying to ur face if i said yes

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be – some ppl tho, i just. can’t. there’s reasonable salt.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve done it before, i don’t see why not.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

when the situation calls for it, i’d like to think so

56. Do you think you like someone?

mhmm

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

…… y’know i don’t think i have! that’s surprising i’ve kissed a lotta ppl

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

tbh p much the only ppl i tend to never rlly make friends with are cis guys. there’s rare exceptions, but the vast majority of my buddies are either cis girls or trans/nonbinary/etc.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yep – a few of them. not many, but a few.

60. Do you hate anyone?

i wouldn’t say hate, but there’s a couple of ppl i severely dislike.

61. How’s your heart?

atm? better. better than usual, i’m rlly glad abt that

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

anytime from being 12-17

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

i ain’t gonna say names buuuuuuut Someone I Know

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they’re painted a dark wine red actually, i uh got bored

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

best decision of my life, if anything

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

from my own Personal Experience, kinda? i mean every person i’ve been w/ kinda likes it bc it’s like, i’m letting my walls down and letting them in, so i mean ig

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

thankfully no!

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@lazybones25

70. How do you look right now?

surprisingly decent for feeling icky

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

just two – but i’m content w/ that.

72. Can you commit to one person?

under the right circumstances, ya – otherwise i gotta dip

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

my roommate @stasiroowho

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

can i get a Hell Yeah and It Hurts

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, i just woke up wanting attention and feeling Blah

76. Are you a jealous person?

hhMHMhmMMHMHM depends ?? ? ? if we’re talking from a relationship perspective, like i don’t give a shit if the other person wants to like, make a shitton of buddies and like actually Have A Life, that’s good, but when it comes to like, romance specifically? then i’m just. m i n e

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

very rarely, but some are and god is it so fucking satisfying in every aspect

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

can i get a HOOYAHHHH

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to the apartment and uh Feed Cats

81. Last person you cried in front of?

do i rlly gotta @ my homeboi ash a 3rd time

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

in a good way or a bad way?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yeee – in a good way tho

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably either just chillin’ watching netflix and eating chips/popcorn, or gettin’ heated while also shotgunning that good good

85. Are you over your past?

CAN I GET A FUCK NO

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

just two! and two’s a good number, i’m happy w/ that.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i’d immediately murder him on the spot. i’d still take the gifts off his corpse tho bc hey Free Shit

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

ya – i do trust that one, he made me breakfast one time so i wouldn’t burn my own house down, he a tru homie

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

uuuhhhhhhh-huh

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

highly likely

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

i used to! he was the Popular Kid™ back in high school, who fuckin’ knows where he’s at now

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

when i was like 4, yeah, we were each other’s childhood crush so uh shrugs

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope! things were getting heavy, but no relationship yet.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

absolutely.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

hmmmmmmmmaybe

97. Who do you have texts from?

in general? my mom, ash, 3 coworkers, one of my managers, my one tru buddy from the womb @infinitelycastiel, and my buddy lynette.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i mean ?? i’d b upset, i’d b depressed, i’d b a lil torn up abt it, but i ain’t gonna stop whatever happens from happening. not my choice to

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

ya – not too much older, but ya

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

AAAAAAAALL BY MY, SEEEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEEEELF

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

fun fact: no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yEP