#it was overly dramatic anyway

[semiotomatics]

clouds' healthcare journey, pt. 2

so for anyone who remembers the post I made recently abt me chronicling my healthcare journey (which I ended up deleting in a fit of utter rage and despair a couple days ago, you'll understand why shortly), you'll be pleased to know I finally managed to get an appt at a local clinic on wednesday. if you wanna hear how it went, it's below the cut:

so I spent literally hours beforehand going over my symptoms, their triggers, the exact nature and severity of the pain they put me in, laying it all out on a timeline and rehearsing how I would explain it so that the dr would actually listen to me. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask/demand and what I wanted them to provide. I was shaking, I was so terrified, but I was also the tiniest bit hopeful. I felt so much more prepared than any other time I'd gone to see someone, I figured I had at least a chance of getting somewhere this time.

nope. I don't know that I've ever met a more dismissive, less sympathetic dr. I started out explaining about my recent injury and he immediately cut me off and asked if it was a work injury or not, and if so, if I reported it. I got flustered explaining that the injury was only part of the problem, that this has been a chronic issue for years, and he was like "oh, well you can only claim workers comp if it's a new injury". that's not?? what I asked?? but okay.

I tried to explain my situation but he barely let me get a word in. I mentioned I had pain in my lower back potentially caused by my scoliosis and he had me stand up and do a ROM test, then he did the scoliosis-check-by-feel and was like "who diagnosed you with it" and I was like "I have x-rays" and he was like "well it's very mild, also your ROM is fine" and I was like OKAY, ALSO NOT THE POINT OF MY VISIT.

so at this point I was getting v upset and flustered and thrown off track. we sit back down and he starts explaining how "back/foot pain is very normal, you're young, you need to exercise to prevent it" and starts talking abt physio. I cut him off and say "I've tried physio, it didn't help" which is an oversimplification tbf but I didn't want him to just refer me to physio and call it a day. then he explains "well it's not going to fix it you have to keep going" and I snapped at him (cause I was getting VERY upset by this point) "I don't want to have to go to physio for the rest of my life". also at some point, I don't remember where, he was like "also maybe lose some weight" at which point I just saw red.

holding back tears, I told him "this is not normal, I have been in debilitating pain almost every day of my life, I know other people my age and weight and they don't experience this, other people don't have to go to physio every week, something is wrong with me". he just kind of sighed and said "what do you want" and I said "I want to be tested I want to be diagnosed I want to find out what's wrong with me and I want to know if it can be fixed and how".

he started talking about how he can't just refer me to a specialist he has to do tests first, blah blah blah, and I was like "so do the tests!!" so he started writing a prescription? thingy for me to get x-rays and by that point, even though getting x-rays was one of my goals for the appt, I felt utterly defeated. I took the slip and barely said another word to him before I left.

I sobbed the entire walk home, and then I sobbed myself to sleep. I was being crushed by the weight of what, at the time, felt like an inevitability: that I would never get help, I would never be fixed, I would be in pain for the rest of my life and nobody would even believe me if I tried to explain it. the thought of having to fight tooth and nail just to have my pain be acknowledged was too much for me. I already had to fight my own anxiety, and our broken healthcare system, just to get an appointment, and all it ended up doing was traumatizing me even more. so what's the fucking point of even trying.

anyway, I feel marginally better now. I still have the referral for an x-ray that I do intend to go through with, though I'm desperately hoping I don't have to go back to that dr to discuss the results. luckily there's dozens of clinics around that I can go to, though hopefully it won't take dozens of appointments to find a dr who's sympathetic and competent at their job. it sucks absolute ass, but I'm not giving up yet. stay tuned next time for more thrilling adventures in the Canadian healthcare system!

[crystallizsch]

I wanna slow dance if you're feeling me now

If we don't hold hands you'll be killing me now

I need a romance, one chance

I just wanna know, will you slow dance?

(song inspo below the cut)

guess which song i just put on repeat the entire time i drew this-

[luminouslotuses]

sunset shimmer and the loss of identity that comes with forgetting and being forgotten

memory wikipedia page // my little pony: equestria girls – forgotten friendship // my little pony equestria girls: forgotten friendship transcript wiki page // please don’t go before i get better by madisen kuhn // last kiss by taylor swift // my little pony equestria girls: forgotten friendship transcript wiki page // why didn’t you stop me? by mitski (reposted here) // nausea by jean-paul sartre (reposted here)

[natelia-aldelliz]

Guys imagine, Roach died, before the creation of 141, but Soap is able to see his ghost. He was originally following Ghost around, really annoyed that he was using his death as an excuse to not get close to anyone, but when he found out Soap could see him and talk to him he started following him around instead.

And they get really close, like two peas in a pod, except they have to be discreet about it because no one else can see or hear Roach, and they'd think Soap was crazy if they saw him talking to no one.

They use that for shenanigans too: Roach will go follow someone else and report back to Soap, Gaz is genuinely starting to believe Soap has superpowers or something. It's really useful on missions as well, and Soap managed to successfully rescue team members thanks to Roach being able to move through walls and everything.

(Roach is not the only ghost Soap is able to see btw, just the only one he's talking to.)

And then Roach is witnessing his past lover trying really hard to not fall in love with Soap, and Soap trying really hard to not do anything about the love he already feels, and he has to try and convince Soap that he is dead. During that conversation he finds out that something else that keeps Soap from doing something is that he feels very confused about everything because he also has feeling for Roach.

So now Roach has to try and convince him that even if he was still alive he wouldn't have a problem with that. He's known for a while that he was polyamorous, but he hadn't really dared talking to Ghost about that because he thinks he's jealous and possessive.

And Soap is like "oh yeah, you want me to go say to Ghost 'don't worry about your dead lover that I'm not supposed to know, he's actually polyamorous and also in love with me, I know because his ghost told me!' ??? I'm sure he's gonna take that well!"

But Roach is nothing if not resourceful and he manages to put Soap in situations where he's forced to interact with Ghost, and eventually they kiss and their relationship is beginning to be something. They're not really sure what.

And Roach is sad, because he has to watch the two men he loves being in love without him, yes, but at least they're both happy, and it makes him feel a bit better. And then during a mission Ghost almost dies.

Because he was alone and Soap and Gaz were together, Roach was following Ghost this time, ready to fly to Soap in an instant if there was any problems. But there was and he didn't have time, so he instinctively grabbed the gun being pointed towards Ghost's head and moved it as the person was shooting, saving Ghost's life, giving him enough time to shoot the enemy himself.

But even as the threat is eliminated, Ghost is still looking up from where he's on the ground, staring right through him, looking shocked. No, not right through him, he realises when he moves to the side and Ghost's eyes follow him. He also realises that he grabbed the gun. He's never grabbed anything before, in all his years of being a ghost.

Then suddenly Ghost's eyes move wildly around, and he figures he disappeared from his view. He can still go through the walls, but he's kept the ability to grab stuff when he wants. It gives him a ton of new possibilities, to fuck with people and, of course, to touch Soap.

"I wish you were actually alive," Soap whispers to him, holding his hands against his face as he's falling asleep.

"What the fuck," comes Ghost's voice the next morning, waking both of them up - wait, since when could Roach sleep?

Soap doesn't understand immediately, because he's always been able to see Roach. But Ghost is standing in the door, looking straight at dead past lover.

Turns out Soap is a necromancer and he had no idea, though the whole 'I can see dead people' should probably have told him sooner that he wasn't normal... The more he wishes Roach is alive, the more he actually is. And they all end up happy and together. And Gaz is very happy to have won the bet that Soap indeed has superpowers.

The day Roach says, in a wondering voice, "I... I think I'm hungry" is the day they understand that something is really happening and he's actually coming back to life.

(Also, Soap has no control at all on his abilities, he has no idea what does what and why, he knows nothing. No one knows.)

[thegreatyin]

finally doodled the doomed victorian yaoi

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[i3utterflyeffect]

Would stick!noogai actually learn how to fight? Since he would be there for a while, it would make sense he has to learn how to eventually

I think so, eventually! Only problem is that there's not many willing candidates to teach him how; Chosen and Dark are too strong and worried they might hurt him, Vic is obvious (glass bones and also hates him), and he doesn't really have any friends he can ask.

Though if something were to happen that got him hurt, Vic would very begrudgingly help him learn how to fight i think, while complaining that they're the only person who does anything around here

[lesbianwyllravengard]

so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.

[creepyscritches]

You know I'm glad I have a good doctor and am not actively deteriorating now and all that but still so pissed that my prev doctor ignored me pleading to get off oral chemo for years bc I couldn't eat w/o rapid nausea/vomiting 6 days of the week. For years. Dealing with the resulting severe food aversion has been as shitty as the chemo itself >:| I still struggle to eat most meals bc my body still thinks it'll result in uncontrollable n/v for hours afterwards. And sometimes I still get the n/v from how deep the psychosomatic symptoms run from being Medically Intolerant To A Chemotherapy My Doctor Forced Me To Take For Years.

It didn't even work bc again, Medically Intolerant!

[kamileonik]

i love tumblr

[clovesnz]

There is something about having the power to make someone feel okay, and someone having the power to make you feel okay.

Cupping someone’s face and kissing their forehead and watching the tension in them dissipate and the simple relief of being touched, and held, and cared for.

Crawling into someone’s arms and just feeling yourself melt. A caress of your face so tender it’s as if it smoothed all the sharp and painful feelings in you.

I’ve had someone drive across town to me at one in the morning just to sit with me while I cried.

And even though it was a night that I felt horrible, the memory of it is kept in the same place as my happy memories, because I remember feeling so warm, and so taken care of, it was like the rest could just melt away after that.

I’ve tended to someone while they were bedridden, cheered them up when they felt so shitty physically, spent every day with them, cooked all their meals, all so that they would be okay, and feel okay, and I would do it a hundred times over.

[windcarvedlyre]

Everyone in the Old Mond fandom has all of these thoughtful headcanons for how Decarabian looks. Meanwhile I started picturing him as Aurora Comic's storm god Tynan at some point and I can't get my brain to undo that.

Decarabian with storm cloud hair would be sick.

[lotus-tower]

I truly love umbrella ep but I’m kind of actually depressed that 305 doesn’t automatically sweep polls because I don’t really want to live in a world where it doesn’t let alone be in a fandom where it doesn’t

[gobullworth]

crying because i’m about to eat the last hot dog in the pack. this world is so cold and cruel, no one understands me like hot dogs do and i’m about to eat the last one for a while. it was bound to happen, i was bound to run out. but today is a bad day overall. my last hot dog feels so sacred to me. i love you hot dogs

[skitskatdacat63]

For every catie drawing, there's like 10 ref pics of myself :,)

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

"the Commander getting an elixir that allows them to talk to any animals that wish to speak with them is definitely a concept that I will use entirely responsibly" I say as a lying liar who tells lies.