#it was out of the fridge because I got groceries with parents today

[isdalinarhot]

Call me an Alethi lighteyes the way the vodka I am drinking is hotter than room temp and also tastes very bad because of it

[moondirti]

blue collar simon x gn! reader. implied cnc.

Simon finds a journal on his lunch break.

It's inconspicuous. A5 black moleskin with an elastic holding it's contents together, bits of paper sticking out like nails on a poorly constructed house frame. He only notices it because his cooler slips off the bench when he blindly places it atop the fat book, sandwiches and packets of crisps now strewn across the dirty pedway.

The day's already been shit. A motley of blows, each made worse by the torrid sun overhead, sweat to cling to his grievances. An uptight site manager. A near loss of life after some tenderfoot got caught in between an excavation truck and the wall. Even his too-long hair, which curls around red ears – having not had a chance to buzz it off since being called in for this job. It's no wonder, then, that the tiny mishap stirs as severe of a reaction as it does; he chucks his hard hat across the road, satisfied only when it finds its fate mid-lane, an obstruction to inevitably fuck the tires on a white collar's new car.

When his rage settles as smouldering ash in his chest, he picks his food off the floor and cracks open the source of his animosity.

With no name or number, the first page holds just a chicken-scratch address. Interesting. Its owner hasn't made this easy on him, crafting it like one would a game. A skewing of traditional acquaintance. Granting nothing of their superficial identity, yet unrestricted access to their innermost thoughts. Thus he's forced to paint his own picture of the figure behind the words.

And what a picture indeed.

The first entry is brief.

13.02 – My therapist expects at least three pages a week. I'm not doing any of that, so don't get your hopes up.

It's evident that you don't stick to your guns. Though the next one is dated several months later, so he see's the attempt had been made. Written in a whole new hand, like you'd picked a dry pen off the floor and practiced your non-dominant grip:

08.05 – I broke my arm playing tennis. The umpire called a match-point in my opponent's favour and I threw the racket at his head.

I am no longer allowed to play tennis. What good is that resolution? My radius has a greenstick fracture. I'm already out of the game.

His laugh is abrasive and sudden, like it'd been pried from his chest by a pair of careless hands. Or as close to that analogy as it can get – your anger is intoxicating and only grows more potent across the pages. Inadvertently amusing. Simon chews through the tough crust of his torpedo roll as he reads, time wearing away under the stiff comb of your words.

There's hardly any variation in your cataloguing –

10.06 – The universe must need more bad people in it, because it tests my limits everyday. Can the fuck next door snore any louder? It's 2 am, goddammit. I wonder if it'd be overkill to ship nasal strips to his mailbox.

26.06 – Dad called today. Didn't pick up.

04.07 – I'm close to killing Kathleen. There's a reason the food in the fridge is labelled as MINE. GET YOUR GRUBBY PAWS OFF OF IT!

13.07 – The world is a shitty, stupid, crappy, icky, lousy, rotten, stinking, stinky, bad place. I hate my coworkers and friends and parents and landlord and etc etc. It's like everyone is out to get me.

– so it's like the honed curl of a hook. Whiplash-inducing, reeling his attention so quick that his neck strains in phantom pain. Simon stops everything, elbows settling onto his knees as he fixates on one entry in particular.

30.07 – I stand by what I said. The world is uniquely horrible. I think that's because I make it that way for myself. Whatever this exercise was meant to do for me, rage relief or introspection or whatever, it's clearly not working. I'm just as angry as I was before. Maybe burning these pages would help. I wish I could play tennis again. I don't know what to do with my hands anymore. I got fired last week. Need groceries. Eggs, spinach. Spinach always goes bad and I never make use of it. I keep buying it though. Dad keeps calling. I've got a migraine and I've run out of advil.

I just need someone to put me in my place.

And it ends there. No more entries after the fact, just a handful of blank pages before the journal wraps to a close.

He flips back over to the address at front. Looking at it a second time, he can tell the ink is still fresh.

Perhaps he misinterprets it. Perhaps it hits a little too close to home. It wouldn’t be the first time he looks for salvation in the empty lines someone leaves behind. Perhaps it’s just been a bad day, and he should go home before he does something he’ll regret. Perhaps it’s nothing at all.

Or–

Perhaps he sees it for what it is.

Here are all my colours. What you choose to do, or think, is no longer my concern.

[bloodymiso]

★ dude, its just groceries — various x gn reader

how do they buy groceries? do they go to the convenience store every weekend and buy in small batches? or do they go to a big grocery like every 5 months and hoard?

notes: this has been in my drafts for a while lmao | mentions of food(duh), mention of a doctor’s appointment, one or two swears

— in small batches

convenience store lunches, little trips every saturday, small fridge in a small apartment—that was their life. coming home after a long day of work, popping by the tiny store outside your home to grab a sandwich or two and boom! dinner was that easy. living with a little store outside their home was literal heaven.

“awh shucks, we’re out of pudding..” they pout as they turn to you on the bed, upside down and legs on the headboard.

“do we even have anything for dinner?” you ask, turning your head to them as they shook their head. you both pause, a knowing look evident on both of your faces.

“convenience store dinner! last one there pays!” you say as both of you shot up, racing to get to the door as you fought to open it. they sneaked under your arms and through the door , once you got out, they were halfway to the elevator. (or to the store.)

“you little—augh!”

VENTI, ga ming, kazuha, kaveh, GOROU, hu tao, & heizou

— lmao what’s groceries?

uh..doing their own groceries? hell no! they usually just order online. if they’re rich enough, maybe their assistants will do it for them. either way, you have never seen this brat even hold a shopping bag.

“what the..oh my god we’re out of rice!” you said in shock, gawking at the empty cabinet in your kitchen you often held for rice.

“oh really?” they acknowledged before quickly calling someone on their phone. “hey man, could you get us some rice? we’re out lol.”

like..bitch what?

CHILDE, scaramouche, DILUC, furina, navia, AYATO & NINGGUANG

— they hoard

“hey, let’s go to the grocery.” and you end up coming home with 6 bags chock-full of food and supplies to last you pretty much half a year. they were always ready for something bad to happen, an apocalypse, or maybe a shortage in supplies and sure, that was a good thing, but not when they were so strict about it..

wanna get spinach for some lasagna? nope, but we have kale in the fridge! some spices for curry? nope, but we have pepper! it was frustrating, really.

eventually they gave up and joined you on small grocery trips here and there. they had to admit, it was nice only carrying one or two bags home.

“see? now whenever you’re craving something i can just make it.” “don’t mention my cravings.”

WRIOTHESLEY, arlecchino, arataki itto (hear me out), cyno & EULA

— in scheduled visits

“can we go to the grocery today?” you ask, bored out of your mind as you placed down your phone. “we aren’t scheduled for a visit till friday though..” they say, as if replying to a question about a doctor’s appointment.

you didn’t know if it was because of their almost insane sense of orderliness, or because it was how they went for groceries with their parents when they were younger, but god did they stick to their schedule. it was a good way to make sure you wouldn’t use too much money in a week but sometimes, boredom takes the best of both of you.

“fuck it let’s go to the grocery.” they say, standing up from their chair as you stopped tapping your finger on their desk. the shock on your face made it seem like you just figured out the answer to the bonus question on a math exam, but you shrugged it off and reluctantly joined.

ALHAITHAM, GANYU, keqing, kuki shinobu, and.. yeah

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Sick Buck and Tommy taking care of him <3

send me headcanons and microfic prompts

Sick Day

Buck hadn't expected to hear the doorbell ring.

He had told Eddie that he wasn't up for hanging out that day - Buck had been feeling bad since the moment he woke up and his suspicions were proven correct when his thermometer told him what he had suspected; that he did indeed have a fever.

Buck had heated up some old pizza from his fridge because he had planned on going to the grocery store today, taken a Tylenol, curled up in a million blankets, and had given up trying to walk back up to his bed. He had instead retreated onto the couch in his living room and played the audiobook for The Dinosaur Artist by Paige Williams, a fascinating deep dive of investigative journalism on the lengths people go for fossils.

Well.

Buck assumed it was fascinating.

It was kind of going through one ear and out the other at the moment as he stared out of his window at the distant nothing.

Buck's front door creaked open as he heard a hesitant, "Evan?"

Tommy?

What was Tommy doing there?

Evan tried to sit up, but he was having trouble doing so in the blanket burrito of his own machinations.

"Tommy?" croaked Evan, sounding absolutely terrible.

"Maddie gave me a key. I - I hope it's okay?" said Tommy, unsure.

Tommy, as always, was handsome. Tommy was so goddamn handsome and here Buck was, barely keeping himself together in a pile of blankets, hair not even gelled.

Tommy was holding a bag with - with soup in it? Buck couldn't smell all that great at the moment, but he was pretty sure whatever was in that bag was soup-shaped.

Tommy looked worried when he saw Buck.

Saw - saw Evan.

"Evan," Tommy breathed, a bit like a prayer; more like a worried question.

Tommy placed the soup on Evan's coffee table and kneeled next to the couch. He turned off the audiobook and checked Evan's temperature.

"Okay, not terrible but - but I'm going to stay here," said Tommy.

"Tommy - " Evan said, beginning to argue, but Tommy shook his head.

"No. I want to stay. Let me take care of you."

He said it so softly.

And it didn't feel like when his parents took care of him whenever Evan injured himself as a kid. It felt - it felt guilt-free. It felt like love, actual love.

And Evan hadn't expected that.

"I'd like that," said Evan, smiling up at his boyfriend.

And there it was - that crinkle nose smile Tommy sometimes made.

"I'll go heat this up. I'll be right back," said Tommy, kissing Evan's birthmark before turning the audiobook back on and heading into the kitchen, "Oh, dinosaurs. Cool."

"You can start it from the beginning, if you want," offered Evan, "I don't know what's happening at all, if I'm being honest."

Tommy snorted, walking back over one more time to start the audiobook from the beginning.

And Evan didn't know how he lucked out like this. How he got such a wonderful boyfriend. But he did. He somehow did.

"I love you," mumbled Evan out into the universe.

"I love you too," said Tommy softly, "Let me get you that soup."

[makethatelevenrings]

Half Eaten Bagels // J. Todd x gn!reader

Requested? Yes!

WARNINGS: this has heavy discussion of emotional abuse by parents (I literally used a memory of my own home life, thank u therapy), emotional/panic attacks, discussion of food/food waste, disparaging comments made by parents that have been internalized

Summary: Jason had a shit patrol and you try to fix things only for familiar thought processes return from your past.

He didn’t mean to be angry.

You understood that, you really did. Jason wasn’t usually the kind of guy who slammed doors and let his frustration boil over and spill onto you, but today wasn’t a normal day. A drug bust yesterday had gone wrong and people were injured. Civilians and batlings. Jason hated being injured, but not more than he hated others getting hurt for what he deemed to be his failure.

So when you woke up to the sound of the front door slamming that morning, an unsettling emotion sank into the pit of your stomach.

“Jay?” you called softly as you climbed out of bed. You tugged the hem of his sweatshirt down until it hung to your thigh. A pair of soft sleep shorts were hidden underneath, but you didn’t care about propriety. You cared about the safety this single piece of fabric provided.

Quietly, you made your way out of the bedroom and found Jason at the fridge. His shoulders were tight and tense and you could see the edges of bandages peeking out from under his collar.

“Here, let me cook breakfast,” you exclaimed. Jason turned, not surprised by your presence but certainly surprised by your offer. He usually was the one to cook breakfast because it gave him a chance to do something for you before he sent you off to work and then took a nap. You rarely cooked breakfast since your culinary expertise focused more on dinner.

Jason decided not to argue and instead stepped away from the fridge. “I bought more eggs at the bodega and some milk.”

“Okay.” You spoke softly, ensuring that your voice wouldn’t raise at all so he wouldn’t view it as a challenge. That’s how your parents always viewed it. Surviving was simple. Don’t talk back, don’t raise your voice, and just accept whatever they say.

“Here, why don’t you go sit down and watch TV or something?” You pushed him towards the couch, ignoring the confused look he shot your way. Luckily you didn’t work today so you weren’t in a rush, but you also didn’t want to mistime your cooking and give Jason cold food. As you began to fry the eggs, you glanced nervously back at where he was seated.

Yeah, bad move.

The oil popped and caught you on the cheek. You let out a sharp hiss of pain and pressed your finger against the spot in an attempt to soothe the sharp, stinging spot on your skin. Jason was halfway up off the couch when you waved him off.

“Don’t worry. Just me being stupid.”

He sat back down, but kept his gaze on you. Being under his stare was making your stomach roil. Was he waiting for you to fuck up again? No, Jason wasn’t like that. You were being unreasonable. Irrational.

But that’s the thing about anxiety. It’s irrational.

“Damnit.” This time, the bacon grease had caught your wrist and you shook it out quickly before grabbing your spatula again. You also needed to get the coffee machine started because Jason always had the french roast with a shot of creamer and a spoonful of sugar. The bread needed to be in the toaster in the next minute. Was there jelly in the fridge? He liked strawberry jelly on his toast. Did you forget to buy more when you got groceries? Shit.

“What can I help with?” Jason asked.

“Nothing, Jay. I’ve got it.”

His large hand enclosed around your wrist as you went to flip the eggs and you immediately wrenched away from his grasp.

“I said I’ve got it!” Jason stood in stunned silence at your outburst and you immediately dropped the spatula on the ground and sank to your knees. Your arms came up to cover your head as a bone-wracking sob tore through your body.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Wh-what can I do to fix it?” You didn’t want to look at him and see his frustrated face. You didn’t want to know how badly you fucked up.

You waited.

Nothing.

You hesitantly peeked up from the protective cradle your arms had created. The stove and oven had been turned off and Jason sat in front of you on the kitchen floor. His knees were drawn up to his chest but they were spread apart instead of guarding himself like you were. Instead of anger on his handsome face, there was only worry.

“What’s going on?” he finally asked. The words weren’t accusative, but rather a gentle exploration. You shut your eyes and looked away form him, the words to explain getting lost in your frustration. Jason sighed and scooted closer. You didn’t flinch back, but you did keep turned away from him.

“I was late for the bus once,” you said. “And food wasn’t allowed on so I ate half of my bagel and tossed the other half into the trash. I was eleven, y’know? I didn’t think about wrapping it up or saving it or anything but I’m getting off track. I didn’t think about it anymore, right? But then my mom called when she was leaving work to tell me to do the dishes and I could tell she was angry. She and dad had been fighting the night before and I guess work hadn’t made it any easier.

I figured I would be a good kid and do more than do the dishes. I was eleven and I swept and mopped the kitchen floor, I prepared the ingredients for dinner and had it laid out on the counter for her when she came home, and I cleaned off the dining room table. And when she walked in the door, I was doing homework at the table. The perfect kid. Quiet, hardworking, doing more chores than asked.”

Jason was silent as he listened to you. He could sense that there was something heavy hanging around your neck, but you had never elected to share. You always felt as though he suffered enough.

“But that damn bagel…” You took a deep breath in to steady yourself and finally turned your head to look him in the eye, a bitter smile playing on your lips. “She saw it on the top of the trash and lost her shit. Screamed about how fucking useless I was and wasteful. Said I was a waste of space and time. Said she regretted having me. Because of a bagel. I went to bed hungry that night because if I stayed in her eyesight, she would just find new things to be mad at. The utensils weren’t in the right drawers, I got the wrong kind of cheese out, I don’t know.

I learned to manage. I learned to keep her and my dad happy to survive. Being useful meant that I wasn’t worthless or a waste of space. It made me feel like they wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.”

A sob boiled up in your lungs, through your throat, until you were choking on the depths of your childish grief and Jason was at your side in an instant. One of his hands cradled your head to his chest as the other stroked up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you chanted.

“No. No, stop apologizing. Nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I came in so angry.” He pressed kisses to your temple, forehead, hair as he whispered quiet apologies and faint praises.

“This is your home,” you whimpered. “You have a right to be whatever the fuck you want. You shouldn’t repress your anger because of me.”

He sighed and rested his chin on the top of your head. “You’re right. I just…I can’t see you like this again, sweetheart. You were freaking me the fuck out. And don’t you fuckin’ apologize.”

You hummed, your ear nestling against the fabric of his shirt and right over where his heart rested in his chest. The steady beat lulled you, regulating your breathing and heart rate with his. In and out. In and out. Your hips nestled between his legs, his strong hands holding you up…you had never felt more safe.

“How about this?” His breath washed over your cheek and you tilted your head up to take in the sight of his furrowed brow and sharp, calculating eyes. “You know how we have a safeword for scenes?”

You nodded, curious as to where he was going with this. Jason licked his dry lips and then grimaced before continuing. “What if we make a safe word for this? Anytime I think you’re in a bad headspace or you find yourself falling back into old patterns, we call the word and time out. Sit down, talk it out, get out of the house, do something that isn’t some sort of task you think you need to do to appease me.”

“Yeah, that could work.”

“Alright.” HIs cool lips pressed against your temple once again. “How does Pluto sound?”

You giggled. “Like the planet?”

“Good, you still acknowledge its rightful designation. Does that work?”

“Yeah.”

Jason squeezed your hip and then made you sit up and face him. He wiped away the sticky tears that were quickly drying on your skin and then grasped your hands. He rose them to his face and pressed a delicate kiss to each palm.

“What word do we use for the bedroom?” he asked.

“Giraffe.”

Jason kissed your inner wrist. “Good. And for outside of the bedroom?”

“Pluto.”

He kissed the other wrist and then pulled you into his chest once more. “Good. That’s good.”

“I’m sorry the food’s cold,” you whispered against his cheek.

“Don’t you worry about that right now. I gotcha.”

Tag List: @khaetiin​ @mcrmarvelloki​ @gone-batty-fics​ @someoneimsure​ @perpetual-fangirl900​ @visagebrise​ @cursedandromedablack​ @alexxavicry​ @the-wayward-daughter​ @raging-trash-of-mind​ @kat-nee​ @khaylin27​

[ilguna]

hi could you possibly do a modern AU where finnick and readers parents set them up on a blind date and they hit it off please 🙏

☼ mother knows best (Finnick Odair) ☼

warnings; swearing,

wc; 2.6k

notes; modern au!!

--

“(Y/n).” Your mom says, coming in through the door. “We need to talk, again.”

From where you’re sitting on the couch, you can see that she’s got bags of groceries wrapped around her arms. You close the laptop on your thighs, setting it aside when you get to your feet. 

You were trying to get some extra schoolwork done, wanting to get ahead so that you have nothing to worry about tomorrow. You have plans all day with your friends to go to the city fair that you can’t cancel. You’ve been putting it off for weeks, waiting for the perfect time, and it’s finally come.

“Do you want help?” You ask, walking around the couch. 

“No, your father is grabbing the rest.” She breathes, disappearing into the kitchen.

She sets the few bags on top of the counter, and immediately begins to open them to put the goods away. You pull out a stool that’s tucked away on the other side. “What do you want to talk about?”

She gives you a pointed look, before turning around to open the fridge.

You sigh. “Mom, please don’t start.”

“Will you please just listen to me?” She asks. “I talked with Zillah today, she says that her boy is free tonight.”

You stare at the back of her head, halfway contemplating whether or not you’ll get away with sneaking out of the kitchen right now. You don’t think she’d hear you, unless the stool scrapes against the hardwood. It might be awkward then, when she turns around and you have to pretend like you weren’t trying to run out.

“Well, that’s good for him.” You say.

When she turns around to grab more canned soup, she stops long enough to look at you. “I really think you should get to know him, (Y/n). He’s a nice boy. All of Zillah’s kids are polite.”

“I’m not into dating.” You tell her, slouching in the stool. “I’m trying to focus on college right now. A boyfriend would just distract me.”

“That’s right.” Your dad says, coming into the kitchen, setting more bags onto the counter. “That’s my firstborn.”

“Your only born.” You murmur.

“Honey, you can’t fool me. I know you can focus on both, because that’s what you do with your friends.” She shakes her head. “You make time for them, don’t you?”

“That’s different.”

“How’s that?” She asks.

“I’m not kissing my friends.”

She laughs, “I never said you had to kiss him.”

“That’s what will happen eventually.” You wave your hand. “And I don’t want any of it.”

She gives you a frown. “You worry me. I just don’t want you to end up by yourself.”

As much as you love and appreciate your mom, there’s nothing you hate more than when she tells you that she thinks you’re going to end up alone. This is an idea that she’s held on to for the past couple of years, the one thing that’s really consistent about her. It’s gotten worse lately, due to her and her friend coming together to form the idea that you and her son should be together.

Granted, she doesn’t tell you outright that you’re going to be by yourself for the rest of your life. She usually tells you to get out of the house, afraid that you’re lonely at times. Despite you constantly telling her that you’re happy with your friends, and you don’t need to be with someone every waking second.

She’ll then give you this look—which is normally more than a frown—because you know what she meant. She knows that you’re happy with your friends, you’re around them constantly. What she’s referring to is boys. She thinks that if you don’t find a nice boy now, they’ll all be taken by the time you’re ready.

It’s ridiculous, of course. Each time she brings it up, it takes everything in you not to roll your eyes and try to leave the room as fast as possible. If you don’t. Then she’ll go on about it forever. You can’t even ask your dad for help most of the time, because he wants nothing to do with the conversation. 

If you’re content with being single, then who’s to say he should be the one to intervene?

You wish your mom had that same philosophy.

“Mom, that’s not going to happen.” You tell her. 

“We don’t know that. The future isn’t certain.” She says, “(Y/n), you know I would never tell you to do something if it was a bad idea.” 

She’s facing you now, tired of pulling the bags apart while having this conversation. 

“I don’t know, you’re telling me to do this.” You raise your eyebrows, tilting your head. “Even if I do agree, I won’t have fun, because he’ll be looking for a relationship, and I won’t be.”

“I’ll have Zillah tell him that you’re just getting your feet wet.” She reasons. “It’ll be a no-pressure situation.”

She’s reaching for her phone. It doesn’t matter what you say now, because she’s going to confirm it with Zillah, either way. You let your mom text her, and once the message is sent, you sigh.

“If this goes awry, I get to say ‘I told you so’.” You tell her.

“It won’t, baby, trust me.”

—

The city fair this year looks amazing. 

These past few weeks leading up to today has been worth it. While you would’ve liked tomorrow to be your first time here, because you’ll be with your friends, you honestly can’t complain that you’re going early. Especially since you’re here at night.

There’s nothing you like more than feeling the cool air on your skin, seeing the bright colors, smelling the fair food, and listening to the screams of terror around you. It brings you back a little bit, to when you were younger and had the bravery to get on each and every ride.

You could now, if you wanted to. The lines are fairly short because it’s a weekday. You could probably hit more than half of these before the night is over. The issue is that you don’t want to be alone when you do it. 

That’s why you’ll try to find Zillah’s son—Finnick—first, and go from there. You’re not entirely sure what to expect from him. You know his older brother, he was on the university swim team when you started your first year of college. If he’s anything like Alaric, you think you’ll get along pretty well.

You know nothing about Finnick, besides the fact that he went out of state for university. He graduated a couple months back, you had to dog sit for Zillah because no one else was available. When they came back, you were at home, so you never got the chance to actually meet him.

You’ve seen the outdated pictures on her walls, so you have a vague idea of what to be looking for. They’re from many years ago, making you afraid that you’ll miss him in the crowd. Which is why you texted his number to tell him that you’re waiting next to the slingshot ride.

Honestly, you shouldn’t even have his number, especially if it’s a blind date, like your mom was telling you. It’s unfair that she’s playing both sides of the court, because she wants this to work out so badly. You’ve mentioned the fair to her over a dozen times in the past month, what a coincidence that an unknown number shows up in your phone, suggesting to come here, huh?

You’ll give it to them both this time, but once he gets here, you expect there to be no cheating.

You pull out your phone, checking the time. You’re here early, you’ve already walked around half of the fair, getting a good idea of where everything is. The only reason why you stopped is because he told you he was parking his car, and he’d meet you soon.

“(Y/n)!” A voice calls out.

You look up from reading the group chat between your friends, all of them encouraging you to have fun tonight. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, the response you were curating begins to melt from your mind when your eyes land on him.

Finnick looks nothing like those photos anymore.

He’s tall, there’s a couple inches between him and Alaric, easily. His bronze hair bounces each time he takes a step, there’s a bright smile on his face, dimples appearing on his cheeks.

“Hey.” You lower your phone, going to tuck it back into your jeans. 

“I hope you weren’t waiting too long.” He says, taking you into a hug.

You blink, a little surprised, but give him a good squeeze. He smells good, and he looks good, too. And you’re not just talking about how handsome he is, you mean that he has a great fashion sense. He’s coordinated in his colors, a trait that’s hard to find in guys these days. 

“I wasn’t.” You tell him when he takes a step back. “I walked around to get a look at what they have up this year.”

“Any good food?” He asks, standing straight. “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

You give him a smile. “I could go for some food. It’s down this way.”

“Lead the way.” He motions, letting you step first. 

As you lead him down the road and to the row that has most of the stalls, you glance at the rides, thinking about how you won’t ride half of these anymore. And if you do, you’ll need a hand to hold.

“Are you a fair ride type of person, Finnick?” You ask, looking over at him.

“I won’t say no.” He gives you a look, “But I won’t do them alone. It’s always better with a friend, or a sibling.”

“Alaric.” You murmur. 

“You know Alaric?” He asks.

“He was a senior when I was a freshman at Sacred Heart.” 

“Oh, that makes sense.” He nods. “Were you friends?”

“Through our parents.” You nod. “We never actually hung out. I went to a swim meet once, to cheer him on, but that was about it.”

He rolls his eyes. “Swim meets are so boring. I spent my entire life watching him do them.”

“Did you do any sports?” 

“Kinda, but not really. I went to a bunch of different clubs to see what I liked. I thought I was going to do volleyball, until they switched coaches. He hated me, so I quit and decided to focus on schoolwork and parties.” He laughs slightly.

“Well, at least that worked out.” You come to a stop in the road, landing right in the middle of the stalls. “You have your pick of the litter.”

“I’m going to be honest, I just want a burger.” He starts toward the line. “Do you want anything? It’s on me.”

You hum, thinking about it while you look at what’s on the menu. “How about a lemonade and fries?”

“Whatever you want.” He says. “What about you? What are you doing for college?”

“Medical field. I want to be a nurse.” You beam.

“A nurse, I can see it. Isn’t your dad a surgeon?” 

You raise your eyebrows. “I’m impressed.” 

He tilts his head. “I did my homework.”

“Well, yes, he is. He’s an orthopedic surgeon.”

“I’ll be sure to call him doctor when I meet him for the first time.” Finnick winks, stepping forward to order.

You laugh, shaking your head at him. You were sure that this date would be hard, or at least awkward because it was set up between your mom’s, but Finnick’s got this easy demeanor that makes it hard for you to overthink. Which is another factor you were afraid of. You have a tendency to question every sentence on dates, not wanting to turn the guys away.

He doesn’t seem to care, and he’s asking you just as many. There’s an effort being put in, you’re not the only one interested. This thought causes a bubble of excitement to rise, forming a smile on your face.

It was a good thing you agreed to this date, because if you’d missed it for homework, you would’ve been upset with yourself for the rest of the week. And you’d never hear the end of it from your friends, who were telling you to give him a chance. 

“What’re you smiling about?” Finnick asks, passing over the lemonade so he can hold the fries and his burger.

“I’m just happy I’m here with you.”

--

this was part of my 3k celebration!!

[icameheretoreadstuff]

Do you take requests? Because I have a request. This is my first time but k love your stories. Okay what if reader is 23 and she is the secret Blossom daughter anyways she is also dating FP and she gets super jealous of Alice (who I’m sorry don’t like) anyways what if she gets down and sees maybe FP would do better without her but he changes her mind? With some smut?!! Hehehe ahh I’m so excited

Hii, aww thank yooou 🥳 How exciting, this is my first request! it took some time writing this, im so sorry about that but here it is 🙈 oh and bytheway hahah, I got a little carried away so its kinda long 🙈

The Blossom Secret Pairing: FP Jones x F!Reader Warnings: 18+, smut, explicit sex, alcohol A/N: masterpost & links are pinned on my tumblr.

You let out a sigh as you were walking on your way home from a long day. The weather was hot today, so your long ginger-red hair was sticking to your back. You shaked your hair to get some air under your hair and when that didnt help you tied your hair up into a bun. You walked up the stairs to your little apartment, as you opened your bag to find your keys. You unlocked the door and walked inside to find the remote to the air condition on the wall and turned it on. You let out a breath as you stood underneath it to cool down.

You turned around to put your groceries in the fridge. You got your eye on the white wine you opened yesterday and grabbed it from the fridge. You poured yourself some wine and sat down in your couch. You bowed down and grabbed a box from under the couch. Inside there was secret documents that you had gotten in the mail, which was the reason why you came to Riverdale.

Inside there was your birth certificate and you found a note where it stood: From Alice cooper. Apperently this Alice had sent them to you months ago. So when you found this Alice Cooper from Riverdale, ofcourse you packed a bag and travelled to find Riverdale and this woman, only when you found this woman you ended up getting interviewed instead of getting answers. She swore that she had found them in her mailbox and had made copies and mailed them to you. She swore she didnt know anything more.

That woman really got on your nerves, you left that day and promised yourself you were going to find out what the hell is going on. You bought an apartment and got a job at some diner named pop’s. You just had to find out what actually stood on that birth certificate. But the thing was they had been blacked out and when you asked your adoptive parents they said it was an closed adoption so they knew nothing. you figured out you were on your own.

You sighed and took a big sip of wine as you threw the box away. After a couple of weeks after you had settled in, you found someone who was willing to help you. He was tall, dangerous smile and god damn: handsome as fuck. So was it really a suprise you couldnt resist and eventually flirted with him? For months you had worked together to try to find out who you are related to, But you grew more interested in him than your birth parents.

You wanted to know the truth ofcourse but you already had a family who you missed like crazy and loved deeply.. You only did this cause you hated not knowing. You wanted to know but this man, right now, he was much more intresting. After months with flirting you fell hard. He had flirted back and he was after all trying to help you, but you could tell he should be with someone else. Infact he convinced you today himself.

Today at 4 pm:

"Hi, could you please take out the trash and then youre done for the day apperantly." Pop said as he looked up at the clock and continued to help some costumers. "sure, thanks pop" you said simply and smiled as you carried out the trash. You smiled knowing you actually had began feeling comfterable in your new job. You loved talking to the costumers and serving people who lighten up when you served the famous milkshakes at pops.

You tried to open the door with one foot, cause you were carrying so much garbage, so you turned around and dragged them out. You felt a firm hand on your back which made you starled. "what" you said as you turned around to figure out who it was. "hi" Fp said in a low tone, he slowly inhaled your scent.

"hi" you said with a half smile and tried to walk over to the garbadge cans. As if he had just woken up he walked over to you and grabbed the trash from your hands and smiled "I'll help" he smiled, the actual smile that made your knees turn into gello. You opened the trashbins and he threw in the trash easily. "Thanks" you smiled and walked away from the smelly trashcans. "can we talk?" he asked. "Sure" you said and he followed you around the corner where there was more privacy. "what's up" you asked.

He sighed out loudly and it looked like he was debating on what to say. "tell me" you said as you took your handkerchief from your apron and playfully smacked him on his arm. He let out a short laugh as he sighed long. "I found out something big and I think you should sit down" he said, you looked worried at him. "just tell me" you asked and he sighed "alright" he looked into your eyes as he said. "Youre a blossom" he said "blossom? really?" you asked and knew some stories from the blossom family. You had heard allot of stories at pop's, so you werent all unimformed.

"apperently Clifford and Penelope Blossom tried to hide the fact they got pregnant when they were young and had you adopted." he explained. "wow" you simply stated. "I need some time to thaw on this" you said. But honestly you were more concerned with him. Right now he felt so right in your life that he had become the light in your life. Everytime the bell rang at pops you hoped it was him, you became more and more invested in this research because of him?

"are you ok?" he asked. you shaked our head clean, from stopping yourself of thinking anymore about this. "yeah, anyways I should probobly go, thanks again" you said and hated that, thats what came out of your own mouth. "I mean it, thank you so much" you tried to smile and he took out his hand and touched your arm. The warmth that came from his hand made your heart flutter. you starred into his eyes as you walked closer to him and gave him a hug.

He arms wrapped softly around your waist and you heard yourself exhale. "thanks" you whispered softly, you tried to walk away from his hug but it was so damn hard. You didnt want to leave. you felt his cheek come close into yours, you leaned back to get a look at his lips. He licked his lips dry as you were just inches away from eachother, you looked into his eyes and bit your lower lip. he stared at your lip as he leaned closer to you-

"FP!" someone yelled. A familiar female voice stopped you from finally tasting his lips, he sighed "sorry I got to go" he said. he pulled back away from you and walked away, suddenly he was gone. You touched your cheek as you felt the warmth from where his chin had just been, slowly fade away and turned cold. You closed your eyes and wanted to savior every moment.

You grabbed your bag and were ready to head home. You were dizzy from the heated moment from you and Fp still. you walked outside of pops after you had just said goodbye to everyone. You were on your way to the car. Months of pining after him and Alice just- "FP!" Alice exclaimed "Im in love with you and I want to be with you" she said. You froze and looked at where the voice were coming from. "I can't believe this" you felt tears build up as you saw Fp hold her both hands and said something only she could hear. "I cant believe this" you uttered under your breath.

Now 6pm:

Yep, that happened. You felt anger rise inside you as you inhaled and exhaled. You rised up to go and find something stronger to drink. You opened your cabins from the kitchen and found a bottle. «There you are» you sighed, grabbed a shotglass and poured tequila into it. «fuck them» you said as you raised your hand and threw down the shot.

Today you had found out the truth and that you were some secret blossom daughter. Honestly you didnt care about the blossom family, you already had a loving family. The only thing you couldnt get out of your head was him, you just wanted him.

But you cant have him, because of Alice. Fuck this and fuck him and her, you made up your mind to go out and drink somewhere not alone. You took another shot and changed out of your uniform into something better. You found a black strapless dress and put on some red lipstick.

You stood ready to leave when you opened the door and you saw him standing there in the doorway. "hi" he said as he starred at you on your dress "what do you want?" you asked as you leaned your hand on your waist as you held the door open with your other hand. He couldn't stop looking at your waist and tried to not stare his hardest but failing. "why aren't you with Alice?" you asked with a mean look. "If you came here to gloat why didnt you bring Alice?" you joked and shaked your head, you looked into his eyes waiting for him to respond.

"hm?" he looked up confused "wait, why are you talking about Alice?" you crossed your hands and shaked your head. "I couldn't care less about Alice" he reasured. "yeah right" you let out a snort and tried to shut the door in his face but he grabbed the door and walked halfway inside and looked at you with a smile which made your knees turn into gello once again.

"youre mean" you barely managed to say. He walked inside, closed the door behind him and gave you a puzzling look. "what" you asked annoyed. "Do you know how frustrating this whole situation is?" he sighed as he walked further inside the apartment, He had been here a couple of times but he never let you out of his sight. he slowly walked over to you until he stood close enough for you to inhale his perfume.

the perfume made you let out a whimper, you covered your mouth trying to hide the sound that made him look into your eyes with hunger "what do you want? and why arent you with alice, you should be with her, not me" he shaked his head slowly as you asked all these questions, he looked down on his shoes and let out a sigh "y/n" he began "can you leave, If youre going to let me know youre not interested you didnt have to come here and pity me, I have your money right here, so you can just go back to that fuckin-" you barked.

he looked at you with a tense look in his eyes and interupted you "I dont care about Alice" he explained and shook his head, "what are you even talking about, I want you!" he said annoyed "I didnt come here for her or money" he took out his hand and placed it under your chin. "I came here for you" he whispered, "can you please stop making this so damn difficult" he let out a short laugh. "I saw you in your car today driving home from pops, I know what you saw and I knew you would misunderstand, She was jelaous of you and wanted to be with me, but I told her that I was falling for someone else" He leaned closer to you, just a few inches away from your lips.

You held out your hand on his chest trying to stop him, you felt his heart bump like crazy under your palm. "Fp" you whispered, he grabbed your hand and guided you around his neck as he leaned closer to your ear. "I dont have anything more to talk about that woman, I only want to talk about us." he whispered, "I want to feel you lay naked under me" he said as he kissed your chin "I have wanted to kiss your neck for months now" he said as he kissed your neck softly, you let out a whimper.

"How much more do I have to explain to you that youre the one I want?" he kissed your chin once more and grabbed your head and looked softly into your eyes. "I'm in love with you, not her" he finally said and waited for you to respond. you completly froze and after a second your body reacted "don't break my heart" you said and kissed him deeply, he inhaled your kiss and sucked your lips playfully.

He broke the kiss and grabbed your legs and held you in his arms as he walked into the wall, as he deepend the kiss. he pushed you up into the wall more as he licked your upper lip. You held his shoulders, he grabbed your thighs and lifted slowly up your dress as he kissed your neck with soft kisses.

He grunted as he grabbed your ass and pushed himself into your core. You let out a whimper as his hard shaft made contact with your core, you began thrusting into his shaft and wanted to kiss him more. He grunted and thrusted back as he opend his mouth to let you explore his tounge.

His eyes fell behind his head as he let out a deep grunt. "youre already so wet for me" he smirked and grabbed your waist. "please let me taste you" he asked as his voice broke. "in there" you managed to let out and he turned carried you into your bedroom.

He layed your body down on the bed and took off his jacket and shirt, You felt his gaze burn onto your body, He was so beautiful. You threw off your dress and were about to take off your panties, but he stopped you "let me" he asked and took off his shoes and pants. He bent down to your core, and grabbed your waist and pulled you twoards his mouth as he dragged your panties off your waist.

He licked his lips dry "youre so beautiful I can't-" He tasted you with a flat tounge. "you taste so good, I-" he said with a smirk and tasted you once more and he was not being shy, letting out all sorts of sounds as he tasted every inch of your core. You let a whimper and felt euphoric as he couldn't stop tasting you.

He looked up at you and smirked "if you let out a whimper one more time I can't stop myself from-" he began while he took one of his fingers and touched your g-spot. your head flew back as a result and you let out a moan. He stopped and flew over you in a second to kiss you deeply.

His hard long shaft was throbbing against your core, you both wanted more contact from eachother but couldnt stop kissing. "you drive me insane" he whispered as he thrusted gently into your core and started to find a slow rythum. "take it off" you said and he smirked. "do it" you pleaded and tried to take off his underpants yourself.

He stood up from the bed and dragged off his underpants and your gaze went straight to his big throbbing manhood, you let out a whimper as he rushed over to you again and kissed your neck. "Do you know how hard it is to be around you and not wanting to kiss you?" he whispered into your ear as he let his shaft close to your core.

Your hips began moving wanting some friction. "Ive wanted to to this for so long now, and I want to see your hauntingly beautiful face when my dick makes you orgasm." his voice broke as he grunted and pushed his long shaft into you. "FP" you let out a moan, he started to thrust slowly to make you adjust to his size. "I want you so bad" you whimpered, you felt your entire body turn electric at the contact of his skin, his body and his breath.

He thrusted slowly and began turn up the pace as he kept kissing your neck and then he pulled out and sat in a upright position, as he grabbed your body and you felt like a magnet, searching for contact.

you sat down ontop of him and began to ride him, your lips searched for his lips as you looked into his beautiful eyes. "Im so in love with you" he whimpered, you let out a moan as his words were making you close to climax. "You're so beautiful I cant get enough of you" he said as he began breathing heavier.

"I cant wait to see beautiful orgasm" he panted "youre doing so amazing" you kissed him deeply and grabbed his shoulders and started to pick up the pace, "Im gonna-" you let out a moan and felt your orgasm come closer, you pushed his body down on the bed and held his hands down beside his head. He sat up his legs to thrust into you as you finally felt the orgasm take over your entire body. "Your orgasm is making me so hard" he said as he kept thrusting as you rode out your orgasm.

He pulled out and you grabbed his shaft, he let out a moan at your contact. You licked his length and started adjust his size into your mouth as he thrusted himself into you. "Im-" he panted and you bobbed your head in a rythum as he thrusted himself slowly into your mouth. "Im-" his orgasm shot electricity threw your body as you watched him cum on your stomach.

You walked off the bed and held out your hand, "shower with me?" you asked. He smirked and raised up from the bed, he grabbed your hand and kissed your arm and upwards your shoulder then he kissed you deeply "I would love to"

[startheimpactfangirl]

Porcelain

feel free to give me writing advice/tell me what you think

note: sulfur is the son of star x Donnie in future au. He is human looking but with donnies markings all over. This is about his story I have planned. He has 2 siblings and is the middle child. In this au, yokai & mutants are known and live amongst humans. Anyway enjoy

Tw: sickness, mention of near death, overprotective parents, bad immune system, passing out, medicine

Sickness. Something sulfur was all too familiar with. It happened often, him getting sick at just the slightest bit of cough from someone else. Sulfur was unfortunately born with the worst immune system ever, making it easier for him to catch sickness..... and easier for the sickness to kill him.

He recalls an incident from when he was 5, how he caught a sickness that almost killed him.

Ever since then, his parents have been stricter and put more rules on him. He knew it was just because they were scared that it would happen again.... but he's tired of being babied. Of being treated like he was porcelain that could break any moment. Not being able to have any sort of normalcy like his siblings and cousins do. he wants independence

Currently, sulfur was 15 and decided that he was old enough to take care of himself. He desperately craved independence, and he figured that since he was 15 now, he'll just take it.

Right now it was flu season, a dangerous time for sulfur. During flu season, he was usually quarantined to prevent sickness. He'd do online school, and stay in his room. Luckily, he has tech his father made to help him out.... but it could never fix the problem. His immune system couldn't be changed no matter how many pieces of tech he made.

Today, as an act of rebellion and a way to gain independence, sulfur decided he'd go to the store. During flu season.

It was small but it could prove his family wrong easily.

Sulfur was dressed in warm attire, since it was cold outside. He grabbed a jacket, putting it on before he left the house. He didn't tell his parents or anyone. He just left.

As sulfur walked the streets of New York, he noticed many who were coughing....or had stuffy noses. He avoided them the best he could..... but sometimes they were unavoidable. Sulfur got some groceries and went home. He'd knew his parents would be worried and waiting as soon as they realized he was gone. But he needed to do this. He needed to prove he wasn't just some fragile sick child who could die easily. He needed to rebel.

Once he entered his home, he was greeted by his father, Donatello, scolding him "where  were you! It's flu season! You know your not supposed to be going out during flu season!" Donnie yelled. It seems he had gotten off from his shift at the university.

Sulfur grinded his teeth, annoyed by his father and his scoldings "I was just getting groceries! I'm fine!" He yelled back

Donnie sighed but didn't back down "sulfur there's too many people sick right now! How do you possibly even know if you're fine!"  He yelled.

Sulfur grumbled, he didn't want to argue. "I'm still here aren't I? Whatever....I'm going to my room." He said, putting the groceries down and heading to his room, ignoring his father yelling for him to come back

The next morning, sulfur woke up feeling like hell. God damnit. As much as he hated to admit it, his father was right. He's sick.

But no way in hell is he giving him the satisfaction of knowing he's right.

Sulfur shivered, trying to get out of bed to take medicine. He needed specific medicine so he wouldn't....die from sickness, his case was different from the average sickness. He made his way to the kitchen, looking in the medicine cabinet.

He sniffed, reaching up and grabbing his medicine, reading the information. He walked and went to get a glass of water. But on the way to the fridge, he got dizzy. The world started spinning and eventually, he collapsed.

When he woke up, he was in bed. He looked around, and saw his father sitting by his bed.....had he been here the whole time? Watching him? That's..... actually sweet.

"Wha-" sulfur was about to ask what happened but his father interrupted.

"I found you collapsed." Donnie said, looking at his son

Sulfur groaned. Ah so that's what happened....guess it was time for him to get scolded again. God he just wanted to curl up in a ball and be left alone.

But his father looked at him with.... sadness? A sadness he'd never seen, one his father would hide behind a logical demeanor.

"Dad- wha... you look sad?" Sulfur asked, confused as his father wasn't an emotional person. Often times he'd use logic to dictate his actions rather than emotions. Seeing his father upset like that, brought a pain in his heart

"You really worried me.." Donnie said.

Sulfur sighed and looked at his father "I'm sorry." He said. He didn't mean to worry his father. He never meant to worry anyone, he just.... wanted to be a normal kid.

Before he could say anything else, his father, rather uncharacteristically, hugged him. His father wasn't a fan of physical touch so this was surprising. But...it was nice to see his dad vulnerable.

Sulfur softened and hugged back.... well at least he has people who care about him. Maybe that's what is important.

[deadpool15]

You think you got a chance?

I decided to go to the store, the fridge is looking mad empty right now. Which is extremely difficult for me, with the whole being a mom of a 1 year old boy. Yea, I said a boy, I gave birth to a male specimen. Boys, moms truly don't get enough credit because the shit my son puts me through is just wild. This is what happens when you don't want kids but decide to go out there being a honey freaky fuck yall. Better learn.

I walk into my bedroom, trying to nativgate my closet for an outfit. You see the thing about being a mom means that you need to make sure you child looks so fucking good. Spoiler alert, no one gives a single fuck about you if your child is walking around here looking like dog shit. "Yall know exactly who I'm talking about. I'm not calling you out baby, I'm simply calling you out though. Fight your issues not me." I said to the camera, completely forgetting I'm supposed to be vlogging with my son today.

Speaking of son, I should totally go walk him up. I managed to get him all ready for the day. And then he fucked around and went to sleep, you see some parents try not to let there kids go to sleep because of naps not really being the best for a busy day. "So, yall Cameron is rocking this cozy hoodie that says cookie monster and just some slighty baby jeans with his lil uggs. It's cold out here in Korea, so I'm gonna grab his puffer jacket to make sure he doesn't get cold. But yqll know Cameron does not like that fucking jacket so I always carry his on the go blanket cuz he expects to be picked up and carried around with that blanket thrown on him. The struggle is real. Now as yall can see I look like shit I haven't gotten ready. So I'm gonna wear this crop long sleeve with these pattern-like pants.

I walk into the closet, grabbing the camera to show off the fit(the one above). "Listen, I know I said it was cold, but if you think about it, it's not like really cold, is it? You know what? Don't answer that. I'm wearing the fit because it makes the curves pop. For the girls that question about confidence, I low-key feel like that as backhand ass compliment. Because trust and believe if I was a smaller pretty petite ass bitch no one would ask. I am my own beauty standard representing all the thick girls in Korea. For example, if you are sitting in front of your phone watching this video talking about how you didn't have a stomach until this happened or this happened, stop lying. Yall I've always been a big girl, my son didn't have anything to do that, if anything he taught me how to embrace my body."

"Yall will truly not know love until your kid starts drawing pictures of you, like how you really look. Because kids are honest as fuck. But my baby has seen beauty in different forms, though he is used to my form. It gets a little awkward when he sees skinny girls and ask why they look like that." I said looking at the camera laughing while adding a little jewelry to the fit. "The moral is everyone is beautiful. It's ok to be insecure at times. But remember your a beautiful ass bitch. Younger me would've never walked outside in this crop, but I'm so glad I've been able to see myself how I should."I walk out the room grabbing my keys.

I am making my way to the front of my apartment to grab my diaper bag and get snacks. "Cameron likes to wake craving these pocky things and will literally whoop my ass I'd they aren't there." I reach for my jacket and grab my son and walk out the door. I place Cameron inside od his car seat and place the diaper bag right next to him. He placed his blanket on top of him. It's amazing that he is still sleeping. Before I go to the grocery store, I drive to a pop up Cafe. I need some caffeine to survive this day. I get there looking outside to see that the sky is getting dark, hinting that it will rain soon. So I sit in the car waiting for a while. "So yall I stopped by a Cafe, we are waiting cuz it looks like it's about to fucking pour. I don't know why I said we, cam, is still knocked out. I remember watching some girl talking about how she gave her kids melatonin to sleep. Isn't that like drugging your kids, though? Like ahit I want mine to sleep too, but imagine giving them a gummy snack, and that shit is laced. That is wild."

I look out the window, noticing my dumbass should enter this cafe now before it starts raining or gets crowded. I turn off the car and grab my keys while looking into the rear view mirror at Cam. "Yea, so I thought this part was gonna be easy. I just like to gaslight myself." I step out of the car and open the backseat door and try to carefully grab my son without waking him up. I successfully achieved my goal , grabbed his blanket, and threw it over his body, just in case it started to go to rain. I walk into the shop and get in line while looking at the menu. The line is pretty long. I might be here for a while.

"She is adorable." I hear a voice say behind me, and turn around and see a woman. She is beautiful, I can't tell her age. What I am able to tell is her obvious attraction, with her continuing to bite her lower lips while staring at me. She is giving off an aura of pure confidence while I do enjoy it. It would be quite fun to play with her. "Well, thank you, but she is actually a male," I state and watch her eyes go wide, and she becomes embarrassed. "I'm so sorry. I just thought he was a girl." "No it's cool. Most people assume he is a girl, I don't know if it's cause of the curly hair or the fact that he looks like me." I say slightly, laughing to make sure she doesn't get too anxious.

"You're right. He truly does look like his gorgeous mother. Looks run in the family, I can tell." I make eyes at her. Wow, it seemed I've found a bold one. "Awe, that cute, I'll let you have that one." She smiles it off before I realize that line has shortened. Making me the next person in line. I order a chocolate chip muffin, one of Cam's favorite just in case he wakes up and wants some of it. And ice vanilla latte. I smile at the batista and wait for her to tell me the price. When she does, I move to grab my card before the mysterious women behind me speak up. "Could you add an iced tea with that, and I'll be playing. Thanks." I turned around making eye contact with her, and now I didn't expect that to be her next move. She gestures me to a table. And I look her up and down before deciding to take a seat. I'm checking on Cam to see if he is still resting well. He is.

"You didn't have to pay for that." "Oo I know, but I thought it would leave a lasting impression." She states while smirking, I laugh managing to keep my volume to a minimum. "So you think you can buy me?" Before she can answer, the waiter comes up and gives us both our orders. We both bow slightly and say thank you. Managing to say it at the same time and laughing as the women walks away.

I'm Tiana, by the way, and the little man that you mistook for a girl is Cameron. As you can see, he is so tired, guess that what happens when Mama extends bedtime." She smiles before saying, "Well, like I said, I'm sorry about the whole gender thing."It's like 2023, I could get you canceled for that. You know." We both laugh again. Before I take a sip of my latte. "I'm Monika Shin. Nice to meet you." I move over to shake her hand. "Well, you've never heard of me," I look at her puzzled. I smirk. "Does that always work for you?"

She laughs, "I am quite famous and known around these parts, so usually ma'am." I stare her down before looking at her lips. "You know most people see the baby and then lose interest." She chuckled while finally taking a sip of her drink. "And most people would know who I am, so i guess I'm not most people, "So what I'm hearing is you think you got a chance, that's cute. Well then, let's see, huh?"

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 12

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents.

Word Count: 6.4k

Chapter 11 | Masterlist

For the first week I was lost. The only reason I really got up was to feed Calypso which is what I named my new fish or to eat. I was still upset with Jake, or myself.I didn’t quite know. Part of me wants to ask him, but I couldn’t get a hold of him even if I wanted to. The other part of me is screaming that it’s not my fault he’s mad at me. He couldn’t be mad that I went to Phoenix’s. I left because of him and Kelly and I didn’t force him to lay on the couch and wait for me. But every day while I lay here I can’t help but think I did something wrong, and that’s the reason he didn’t wake me up. That I did something that pissed him off to the point he didn’t want to see me before he left for six weeks. My emotions were everywhere. One minute I was angry, the next I would cry, and sometimes I just didn’t care. If he didn’t want to see me, I don’t want to see him. There was one point for all of an hour I considered moving out but that was shot down quickly when I realized that I had no money, all of my friends were gone besides Kelly, and I probably couldn’t make it on my own if I tried. I finally dragged myself out of the bed roughly a week after they were deployed and went downstairs for lunch, seeing as I slept through breakfast. That’s another thing I realized, my sleep schedule is all out of whack. I usually get up when Jake gets back from his morning run, but without him here, I’ve been sleeping till all hours of the day. Once downstairs I opened the fridge and peered inside. I glanced through it and the freezer, finding we really only had vegetables and things for sides. No real food. 

I huffed and realized I had to go to the grocery store. So I stormed upstairs, pissed that my plans changed so suddenly. I didn’t want to go anywhere today. I wanted to stay here and finish up my last book and maybe find a movie to watch, but now I had to go to the damn store. I took what I thought was a quick shower, it was actually forty-five minutes. I was losing all sense of time. A simple shower and getting ready should only take me an hour or so, especially now that my hair is shorter. But it took me two hours to get ready. I simply blow dried my hair, put on some mascara in hopes I’d feel normal, and slipped on a light blue t-shirt dress. It was so hot outside today, I couldn’t even imagine wearing pants. I grabbed my glasses and slid them on before making my way downstairs. Jake told me a few days before he left that he was leaving me his credit card. I know he told me he was leaving it in one of the cabinets, tucked away but I couldn’t find it. I shoved my hand in every cabinet and even grabbed the step stool to look up on the top shelves. I was pretty sure Jake wouldn’t put it up that high but I had to check. 

I still hadn’t found it and I was so frustrated I could’ve screamed. I looked under the stack of mail, moved things around on the counter, wondering if it fell and after half an hour I still hadn’t found it. Rage bubbled within me. Where the hell did he fucking put it? It’s not like I could call him and ask where it was. I let out a yell of frustration and became even more angry when I saw the card and a note on the other side of the kitchen, tucked between the coffee pot and the wall. “I don’t know why the fuck he thought that was a good idea.” I sneered, slamming my hand down on the card and tucking it in my wallet before looking at the note. ‘Get whatever you want or need, darlin’. Plenty of money on it.’ I scoffed, crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash can. Darlin’ my ass. Even the nice words and the name pissed me off. I grabbed his truck keys and my purse before making my way out to his truck. I got in and shut the door, turning the ignition. The vents blasted hot air at first but then cooled down pretty quick. “Fucking mountain.” I remarked as I slowly moved the seat closer to the steering wheel. Once I was all situated I backed out of the driveway and drove out of the little neighborhood and towards the store. I was still mad, so much so I turned the radio off completely. I usually blast music but I just needed a silent drive. I was heading for the closest little market which was about fifteen minutes away. I didn’t want to be out longer than necessary. 

I leaned my elbow on the door and propped my head up as I pulled up to a red light. I sat there, waiting forever for the light to change and looked out my window. The car next to me looked slightly familiar, the silver color reflecting the sun off of it and into my eyes. But as I leaned over I caught sight of the familiar face of my mother. Thankfully, Jake’s truck sat higher than her car so as she looked out the passenger window she only saw the black exterior of the truck. I slammed back in my seat, hoping she didn’t just see me. My heart thudded in my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut as I attempted to calm myself. The honking of a horn made my eyes fly open and I slammed my foot on the gas, speeding off. Seeing my mother made me realize that I was about to go to the same grocery store as her and I quickly changed where I was heading. I drove an additional twenty minutes to the target on the north end of San Diego and felt a little better. I knew my parents never traveled farther than they had to, but I still felt uneasy. I walked into the store, opting for coffee from starbucks before I started my shopping. Although, coupled with the anxiety I just experienced it was probably a bad idea. But I didn’t care. I took my large coffee cup and grabbed a buggy before turning for the back of the store where the food sat. 

I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder occasionally, fearing one of my parents would be right behind me. I grabbed things such as ground beef, chicken, pasta, a few microwave or one pot meals. I took my time, scouring the aisles for anything I may need or want. As one person, cooking big meals was almost a waste so finding ways to cook single servings was the best way to go. With Jake I could make a full meal and he’d eat over half by himself. I left the grocery section, heading straight over to the book section and looked around every aisle. I found a few books that piqued my interest, one of them was called Twisted Love and the other, A Court Of Thorns and Roses. I was into older romance stories, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, The Princess Bride but I felt like I should try something else. So I went for a more modern romance and a fantasy. I thought back to Jake’s note, ‘Get whatever you want or need.’ Smirking, I grabbed a few others that seemed interesting and went to check out. Once I paid I loaded everything into the car and decided to stop at Five Guys for a burger, fries and a milkshake and rushed home. The closer I got to the house, the more nervous I got. Seeing my mom made me realize I didn’t go far. Bumping into them is very much a real threat and now I understand why Jake was cautious about where he took me. 

Once I was home I rushed to get everything inside and locked the door behind me. I sighed in relief, knowing I was home and there was no way I could bump into my mother. Once everything was put away I sat on the couch with my food, deciding to eat while I watched a movie. One Natasha suggested was the Princess Bride. I had read the book dozens of times but I had never seen the movie. So I sat, ate and attempted to forget my mothers face. I thought I was totally safe here, but it’s not like I ran off to another country, I basically ran down the road. But as I sit here, a full stomach and my sweet tooth curbed, I can’t help but worry that my parents really know where I am. I tried to not worry, but it seems to be something I’m good at. Halfway through the movie I decided to lay down on the couch, maybe a nap would do me good. As the movie was coming to a close I could feel the exhaustion creeping in on me.

A loud bang woke me up and I jumped up in fear. The banging was coming from the front door, I could see it shaking from the force. I stared at it as I slowly stood from the couch, making my way over the window. I moved the curtains and the blinds only to see blackness. It was the type of black you see in underground tunnels and caves, you can’t see your hand in front of your face, the type that seeps into your bones and scares you to the core. I couldn’t even see the white railings that lined the front porch. The banging continued and I walked over,standing on my toes to look out the peephole. As I did so the banging stopped but I looked out the peephole to once again, find blackness. I sighed and lowered myself off my toes just as the wood on the door splintered and a large hand came through, grabbing the front of my dress and slamming me face first into the door before letting me go. I fell to the floor scrambling away from the door as the hand reached for the locks and turned them. The door slowly swung open to reveal my father. Everything was silent, save for my heaving breaths as I tried to breathe and fight the tears back. He simply stood there and I took the opportunity to get up and run. I went for the back door but it was gone. Why was it gone?! The garage door through the kitchen was gone as well and I panicked, rushing for the stairs. I would go into my room and lock the door before scaling down the lattice by my window. But as I started up the stairs my father was suddenly before me. His hand shot out before smacking me clear across the face and sending me head first into the banister before tumbling backwards down the stairs. 

Pain blossomed across my face as I sat up with a yell. I pulled my hand away to see blood on it and the carpet. “Oh, it was just a dream.” I sighed out. I heard my phone buzz and saw it was a facetime from Bradley. Excitement swelled within me and I immediately answered. “Hang on.” I called, standing and rushing to the bathroom with my phone. “Well hello to you too.” He remarked. “Everything okay?” He asked. “Yeah, I just had a nightmare and I’ve seemed to roll off the couch and I hit my nose on the coffee table.” I answered as I wiped the blood from my face. “Let me see?” He asked and I sighed, propping up the phone so he could see me. “Damn.” That’ll probably bruise.” He said. “I know.” It went quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “What was the nightmare about?” He asked. “My dad broke in. All the doors disappeared so I was forced up the stairs…” I trailed off. “Then he smacked me and sent me backwards down the stairs. I must’ve been moving around a lot on the couch and fell off, smacking my face on the coffee table.” I said. 

“How often do you have nightmares?” He asked. “I haven’t had them in a few weeks. But…” He raised a brow at me. “But what?” He asked. I chewed on my bottom lip. “I went to the store today and when I stopped at a red light… I saw my mom.” He was silent, his lips pursed in a line and I couldn’t quite tell his emotions. “Are you sure it was her?” He asked and I nodded. “One hundred percent positive.” “And did she see you?” He asked and I shook my head. “I don’t think so. At least, she didn’t look right at me.” I said. “Good.” He said and I walked out of the bathroom and into my room where I flopped down onto my bed. “Woah, your bed’s not made?” He asked and I shook my head. “Nope.” I was usually uptight about my bed. It had to be made or else I wouldn't sleep good. Sleeping in an already messy bed stressed me out for some reason. “Katie? How long have you been in bed?” He asked and a blush crept up my cheeks. “Don’t lie to me.” He added. “Today was the first day I really got up.” I answered. “God. Hangman is gonna lose his mind.” He said and I sat up. “You aren’t gonna say shit to him.” I said and he raised a brow. “He doesn’t get to know every little thing that’s going on with me, especially since he left without waking me, saying goodbye, nothing.” I spat. 

“I’m sensing some anger.” He said. “If you were getting deployed, and you asked someone if you should wake them up the next morning to go to the docks with you or at least say goodbye, would you do it?” He raised a brow as if that was a dumb question. “Of course I would.” He answered before he gasped. “Jake didn’t say goodbye.” I shook my head. “No, he didn’t and I can’t help but think it’s because he’s mad at me. But I didn’t force him to sleep on the couch and wait for me to come home.” I had started pacing at this point, my phone propped up on my pillow so he could see me. “Wait, what am I missing?” He asked and I realized he probably has no idea what I’m talking about. I flopped onto the bed, lying on my stomach as I looked at my phone. “The night before you guys left, I heard Jake and Kelly… having sex.” His eyebrows shot up. “That’s weird, Hangman says Kelly is always worried someone would hear and he can hardly get her to say a word in bed.” I brushed it off. “Yeah, well she didn’t seem to care that night. But I went to Natasha's for a while. I felt like I was intruding but I came back home really late and he was asleep on the couch.” Bradley hummed and nodded. “He didn’t seem mad when he got up. He asked if I wanted him to wake me up before he left and I said yes, but then I woke up and y’all were long gone.” I said, letting my head fall to my mattress. 

“Katie, I don’t think he did it out of spite.” He said and I huffed. “Then why else would he leave without saying goodbye? It makes no sense!” He shrugged. “I-I don’t know. It’s so unlike him.” He said and I heard a door open on his end. I sniffled, wiping my tears before they fell. “Aw, Katie. Don’t cry, please.” He said and I sat up, sitting cross legged in front of my phone. “Katie?” I groaned as I heard Jake’s voice on the other end. “What’s wrong? C’mon darlin’, talk to me!” He said and I scoffed, scowling and I flipped my phone face down on the comforter. “Katie?” Jake called. “What the fuck did you do to her?” I assume his question was towards Bradley. “What did I do? I think you might want to be asking yourself that, bagman.” Bradley snapped back. “Me?!” He asked, shocked. “Katie, darlin’. Talk to me please.” I knew it was childish, the way I was acting, but I knew if I even looked at him I would give in. “Katie, c’mon. You’re scaring me, I’m worried.” 

I grabbed the phone, flipping it over and glaring at him through the screen. He seemed to notice the anger in my eyes and leaned back in surprise. “Oh, you’re worried? Bless your heart.” I said before setting my phone back down. “Wha-You-” He stumbled over his words until he found the right ones. “You don’t get to insult me like that!” He called out and I rolled my eyes. “This is my call with her you know, not yours.” I grabbed my phone again. “Yeah, this is mine and Bradley’s call. So why don’t you find something else to do, without saying goodbye.” I snapped and Bradley snickered at Jake’s confusion. “What?” Bradley laughed at him. “Just leave us alone, Jake. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I said and Bradley snatched the phone. “Yeah, she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” He said, walking out of his and Jake’s room. “You know he’s going to pout all day.” He said and I rolled my eyes. “Let him. Like I care.” I spat and he just grinned at me. “You know you care.” He said and while I wouldn’t admit it, I do hate making Jake feel bad but I’m so angry with him. “Can we change the subject?” I asked and he nodded with a smile. “Wanna see something?” He asked and I nodded. He turned the phone around and I saw a beautiful view of the ocean and what seemed to be a sun rise. “Oh my god.” I gasped out. “Bradley, it’s beautiful.” I said and he turned the phone back around, a giant grin on his face. “Isn’t it?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Hey, Bradley?” I asked and he hummed in acknowledgement. "Why did you use your call on me?" I asked and he just smiled. "Truth?" I nodded. "I've never had anyone to call on deployments." My heart broke for him. I could never imagine being so far away for so long and never having anyone to call and talk to. "I knew Hangman would use his calls to talk to Kelly, so I wanted to call you. Keep you updated, and just talk to you." He said with a grin. "With an answer like that, Jake may believe you really do have romantic feelings for me." I joked and he laughed. "If it gets him to admit his own feelings then good!" I gave him a small smile. "He doesn't have feelings for me, Rooster. Besides, if he did he wouldn’t have left without at least leaving a note.” I said. “You just don’t see it.” I scoffed. “See what? The way he looks at his girlfriend?” I asked, chuckling at the end. “I’m telling you, Katie. There’s something there.” I rolled my eyes at him and we continued our conversation, without the mention of Jake. Once we were done I went upstairs and got ready for bed. My nose still hurts from my fall and I’m sure I would have a nasty bruise just like Bradley said. But thankfully, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that it is not broken. As I laid in bed that night I couldn’t help but realize some of my anger had faded away. Jake telling me he was worried, made me a little pleased. It was so easy for me to give in to him and all because of my own stupid feelings. But I couldn’t just let this go so easily, couldn’t be weak. My thoughts cast me off into sleep, one that thankfully was nightmare free. 

I spent the next few days reading and trying to think of what else to do with my time. I had my next therapy session in two weeks and I quickly remembered I told Dr. Davis I would apply to some nursing programs. So I spent a few days applying to a few programs, ones that I would have a decent chance of getting in. The thought of going back to school scared me, but I knew that I would regret not even trying. I was cleaning a few days later, about a week after Bradley called me when the doorbell rang. I froze in the middle of my mopping and looked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I slowly stalked forwards, standing on my toes and looking out the peephole. I was relieved to see Kelly’s face, looking straight at the door so I swung it open with a large smile. “Hi!” I greeted cheerfully. She gave me a small smile and stepped inside. She hung up her purse like usual and walked into the kitchen. “Oh! Be careful! I was in the middle of mopping!” I called, following after her. She didn’t seem to notice nor care as she traipsed across the clean floors and opened the fridge. “No beer?” She asked and I shook my head. “I don’t drink it.” I said. “Well Jake does.” I nodded, a little caught off guard by her stern tone. “Well he finished the last of them before he left and I plan to get some closer to the time of him coming home.” I responded as she pulled out a water bottle.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked and she hummed. “Is Jake mad at me?” I asked. She pursed her lips, sighing. “I wouldn’t say mad. More annoyed.” My face and hopes fell. “Oh…” I said. “It’s just… you’re always around.” She said. “We keep trying for alone time and you’re just there. Like the night before he shipped out. We had to change up everything so as not to disturb you and you still left.” I bit my lip, looking down at my bare feet. “I’m sorry. If you had asked me to leave I would’ve.” I replied. “But we shouldn’t have to.” She snapped and my head hung even more if possible. “You just follow Jake around like a lost puppy and it’s even getting on my nerves.” She said and I furrowed my brows. “Does it bother Jake?” I asked. “Of course it bothers him!” She said loudly. “It bothers the both of us.” I opened my mouth to reply but didn’t know what to say. “Maybe it’s time you find somewhere else to live.” She said and I could practically feel myself go pale. “I think I'd rather talk to Jake about this.” I said, standing tall. “It is his house and he did invite me to stay… So I’ll talk to him about it.” She scoffed. “He’s going to tell you the same thing I just did. Better to leave before he gets home and avoid the awkwardness.” She grinned at me and all the anger that I’ve had pent up came to the surface. My fists clenched at my sides, my nails making crescent shapes in my palms. 

“Is that all you have to say?” I asked, the anger evident in my voice. She just grinned at me. “Did I strike a nerve?” She asked mockingly. “Yeah. You fucking did.” She seemed surprised by my honesty. “I don’t know what kind of satisfaction you’re getting from coming here and telling me these things, but you're done.” I snapped. “It’s not your house.” She said, taking a step closer. “It’s not yours either.” Her face fell. She thought she was clever. “Now please leave.” Her eyes glanced at my fists and she noticed the shaking. “I will leave you with this reminder. Jake is my boyfriend and you will never take him from me.” I scoffed in her face. “And I’ll leave you with a reminder. The world does not revolve around you and I don’t want your fucking boyfriend. You can keep him and I hope that you have the life you deserve with him.” I sneered. “Now leave.” She stood before me, her face mere inches from my own. Her breath fanned against my face and I could smell alcohol. “And brush your fucking teeth when you get home. That’s disgusting.” Her hand immediately flew to her mouth before she stormed towards the door. She grabbed her purse from the hook but it got caught and instead of lifting it, she yanked it and the force pulled the board with the hooks off the wall. “Fuck you!” I yelled as she slammed the door behind her. “Now I have to clean this shit up.” 

A few hours later I had cleaned everything up and finished the rest of the house before pouring myself a glass of wine. Before I could even take my first sip my phone started ringing and as I lifted it, Jake’s name flashed across the screen. I slammed it down on the table and stared at it. I took a sip and was going to let it continue to ring, but decided to answer at the last second. “Hey, darlin’.” He said with a big smile and I propped my phone up. “We need to talk.” My voice was stern and it shocked him. “What happened to your nose? What’s going on?” He asked. “My nose doesn’t matter. If you wanted me gone Jake, you should’ve fucking told me. What did you just want a house sitter while you were gone? Just decided to wait till you came home to tell me to find somewhere else to live?” I snapped. “What are you talking about?” He asked, brows furrowing. “Don’t play dumb. Kelly told me how I was getting on your nerves and that I need to find somewhere else to live.” His eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. “Woah! Hold on!” I shook my head. “No! You should’ve told me! If you want me gone, if you’re mad that I’m interrupting your alone time with your girlfriend, you should’ve told me!” I yelled out as I stood. “I can be reasonable if you’re honest with me! But dammit, Jake! I have spent so much of my life around lies, I can’t just let that go!” “Katie. Darlin’-” “Don’t fucking call me that.” I interrupted and he nodded. “Katie. I never lied to you and I never would. I don’t know what Kelly was saying, but I sent her over there to check on you.” 

“She sure checked in! Busted up in here and told me all about how I was wrecking your relationship and that I needed to find somewhere else to live, and how you’re her boyfriend and I will never steal you from her. Newsflash, I don’t fucking want you.” I snapped. Saying that to Kelly didn’t phase me, but saying it to Jake, that hurt. “Wait what?” He asked loudly. “Yeah. So you get your wish. I won’t be here when you get home.” I said. “No! Katie? Katie please!” He yelled as I stood up. “What?” If steam could be rolling out of my ears, I'm sure it would. I was shaking. I was so mad. But also upset. I should've known better than to hold out hope that this would work out. Nobody can handle you. You run every one off. “Darlin’, please. Don’t leave.” His eyes were misty as tears filled them and a part of me felt bad. “Please. Don’t leave.” Was he… begging? “Why shouldn’t I?” I asked. “Because whatever Kelly said, it’s a lie. I didn’t lie, she is.” I furrowed my brows. “You’re calling your own girlfriend a liar?” I asked, surprised. “Yes. Because she’s lying. I don’t want you to leave. Katie, if anything I never want you to leave. I’ve grown so used to having you in the house and I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Wh-why don’t you stay there and we’ll talk when I get home.” I sat back, huffing. “Jake-” “Katie. Please.” He said sternly. “Please, just stay.” My jaw tensed. “I will be here when you get home. But we are having a talk that day, no putting it off.” He nodded. “Good. Great!” He said. “But if I want to leave, you won’t stop me.” I said and his face fell. “If I stay we have to have a serious talk about what we’re gonna do moving forward because I am so fucking tired of assuming you’re angry with me everytime I turn around.” I said, tears of my own forming. “Katie, I’ve never been remotely angry with you.” He said and I sighed. “Let’s talk when you come home. I’m exhausted.” I said and he nodded. “Alright, darlin’. I’ll see you in four weeks.” He said. “Bye, Jake.” He barely said goodbye before I hung up and chugged the entire glass of wine. This was going to be a long four weeks. I thought before getting up and grabbing the bottle. “Might as well keep this nearby.” I muttered as I strolled over to the couch, flopping down on it. 

The following week was my therapy appointment and as soon as I sat down in Dr. Davis’ office, my leg was shaking. “I’m sorry I was late. I can’t seem to get myself together lately.” I said and she shook her head. “No! It’s okay, it was one minute!” She said but I couldn’t help but feel like she was actually upset with me. “Are you sure?” I asked. “I’m not upset or frustrated with you if that’s what you're asking.” She said. “Do you often feel like people are upset with you?” She asked and I nodded. “Let’s talk about that.” I explained everything, from my parents constantly being upset with me, to feeling like Jake is angry with me. We had started EMDR which was a little weird at first. My eyes were closed and I was tapping my knees in a steady rhythm, “I didn’t tell him why I thought he was mad.” She hummed and immediately I felt nauseous. “Are you okay?” She asked as I opened my eyes. “No, I feel nauseous.” She nodded, jotting some stuff down. “You seem to feel everything physically. The dizziness, the nausea.” She said and I took a few deep breaths, the nausea slowly subsiding.

“How do you feel about the situation with Jake now?” She asked. “It’s an eight.” She nodded. “Good! We started at a ten and we’ve already gotten it down to an eight! Just remember you may not feel like this is resolved until you talk to him.” I nodded. “Now, let’s talk about nursing school.” She said and I practically jumped in my seat. “Yes! I applied to three programs!” She smiled. “Good, which ones?” She asked and I told her. “Those aren’t very respected schools. Their graduation rates are low.” She said. “Yeah but… I struggle in school, a lot, and I think these are the only ones that will take me.” She shook her head and started writing. “I want you to apply to these two schools.” She said and handed me the paper. “San Diego State University, University of San Diego? These are the best schools in the city.” She nodded. “I don’t think I’ll get in.” She just smiled at me. “You’ll never know until you try.” She said and I stared at the paper. Once I apply to these two I will have applied to five. “What if I don’t get into any of them?” I asked. “Then we’ll figure out what to do in the meantime and if you want, you can apply again next year.” With that my session was over and I walked out to the truck, the paper clutched in my hand. Once I got in and got the air flowing I looked down at it. “She’s crazy to think I will get in.”

I set the paper down on the table when I got home. I couldn’t think about it right now, my mind was swirling between Jake, the Kelly issue and school. I decided to get lost in a book, I decided to open up Twisted Love. Maybe a little romance will make me feel better. I laid on the couch as I read and had wine and pizza for dinner. It took me a few days to work up the courage to apply and it was Bradley who convinced me too. “So why haven’t you applied?” He asked as I sat on the couch eating a sandwich. “What if I don’t get in?” I asked. “Sounds like a dumb reason to not apply.” He said, making me frown. “You think?” I asked and he nodded. “I know. You should apply! If they say no then you can always apply again next year.” He said and I sighed. “But what will I do if I don’t get in? I can’t just sit around and wait a whole year.” He chuckled. “We’ll figure something out. Why don’t you just do it?” He asked. “I guess I really don’t have a reason not to.” He nodded. “If anything, you have every reason to do it.” He was right. “Okay, I’ll do it once we get off the phone.” I said. “Just so you know, Jake has been pouting since your call.” He said and I giggled. “You haven’t told him?” I asked and he grinned at me. “Absolutely not. I’m enjoying this way too much.” He said. “Has he asked?” He nodded. “At least once a day, and when he realized I knew why you were mad he’s taken to practically begging me to tell him.” I giggled at his words. 

“Well I guess it’s almost time for you to go to bed.” He said as I yawned and then I nodded. “Yeah, but I’m gonna send in those two applications before I go to bed.” I said. “You sure you’re not too tired?” He asked and I nodded. “I’ll sleep better if I go ahead and send them in. They’ve been stressing me out every time I think about them.” I said. “Makes sense. Well I’ll let you send those in and I’ll call you next week.” He said. “Alright. Bye, Bradley.” I said and he waved before the call ended. I took a deep breath before going upstairs and going into Jake’s room. It smelled like him and always made me feel better. I snagged his laptop that he’s been allowing me to use and went downstairs. I sat on the couch for an hour sending these two in before I got ready for bed. I put Jake’s laptop back in his room and turned to leave but I stopped in the doorway. Smelling his cologne brought me comfort and I hadn’t been sleeping the best. Maybe I could just snag one of his shirts. I made my way to his dresser and opened the drawer, it was mostly boxers and socks so I closed it and opened the one below it. 

I found a burnt orange longhorn shirt and it smelled strongly of Jake. Is it weird for me to wear his shirt? “It’ll be washed and back in his drawer before he ever gets home.” I took the shirt into my room and slipped it on. I looked in my mirror and honestly, I looked good in his shirt and white thong. If Kelly ever found out she’d lose it, but who gives a fuck what she thinks anymore. I crawled into bed and grabbed my book again. I was about halfway through the book and was growing tired until I read the words, ‘On your knees.’ My face burned and I closed the book. “Did I just read that?” I had never read smut before and part of me felt embarrassed. The other part of me had to continue. So I opened the book back up and read on. My entire body was burning as I read and with the smell coming from the shirt I had on, I could only think of Jake and I. Specifically, Jake and I in this situation. An entire weekend hidden away to do nothing but explore each other’s bodies. “Oh my god.” I said, slamming the book shut. “I did not just think that.” I said before setting the book down and rolling over in bed. “I just have to put it out of my mind.” I muttered but it took forever to fall asleep, the ache between my legs was strong but finally I drifted off. But of course Jake was an ever present figure in my dream.

After that I couldn’t pick the book back up, so I started A Court of Thorns and Roses instead. But at this point I also couldn’t fall asleep without wearing Jake’s shirt, so all night his scent wafted around me and he was constantly in my dreams. It was about three days after I sent in the applications that I started receiving emails about the nursing programs. So far I was asked to come in and interview for two and as I prepared dinner, my phone dinged again with another email. I wiped my hands clean and picked up my phone. I opened the email and smiled, ‘Miss Blair, congratulations on moving on to the next stage of the application process. We would love to have you in for a panel interview next week to see if you would be a good candidate for our program.’ I squealed as I looked at the logo for San Diego State University. Between them, United States University and the University of San Diego, I had to get into one, right? I immediately sent an email to Bradley and Natasha in my excitement, but I asked them to keep it quiet. I wanted to email Jake so badly, but I was still so mad at him. I needed these few weeks to hurry by so I could get everything sorted out, but with all the dreams I’ve been having I don’t even know if I could look him in the eye anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @wkndwlff @alltimereverie @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @kmc1989 @sandaltoesocks @mayhemmanaged @dempy @itsdesiree86 @sunderland-6 @jstarr86 @brooke-stinson @rachkon @topguncultleader @bethbunnyy @topgun-imagines @clancycucumber230 @seitmai @kkrenae @djs8891 @shanimallina87 @wildxwidow @eugene-emt-roe @hisredheadedgoddess28 @littlewhiterose @formulapierre @wade-wilsons-chew-toy @bethabear12 @halstead-severide-fan @gg-trini @memeorydotcom @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker @inthestars-underthesun @praline357 @fanboyluvr @greaser9902

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Tarlos @flufftober day 4 (day 3 is still in the works but will be posted later today!)

Alt prompt #5 "Oh no, you're a morning person!"

The first morning (AO3)

The morning after the first time TK spends the night at Carlos' place

---

Carlos woke up and could barely move. For a second he thought sleep paralysis had taken over his body, but then he felt a puff of air on the back of his neck, and he remembered the night before.

He smiled to himself and slowly, carefully, turned around.

Next to him, or rather, clinging to him like an octopus, was TK.

TK who had finally agreed to spend the night and didn’t run a mile in the middle of the night.

He watched TK sleep and barely managed to stop himself from reaching out and running his fingers through his hair.

It had been a rough few months for them but they were finally in a good place, only despite spending most evenings at Carlos’ place, TK had never actually stayed over. Until last night.

They’d gone out to the club they’d taken Paul to a few weeks earlier, and they’d danced and just let loose, knowing they’d both have a few days off coming up.

Afterwards Carlos had, almost on autopilot, driven them back to Owen’s place, only for TK to stop him and tell him to turn left to his house instead.

They hadn’t even done anything but snuggle up in bed and sleep, but Carlos couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy.

After allowing himself to look at TK a little longer, he carefully slipped out of bed and went downstairs. He was going to make TK breakfast in bed and make their first morning together special.

He opened the fridge and sighed when he saw its contents . He hadn’t planned on TK staying over and he hadn’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet that week.

He briefly considered getting fresh pastries from the bakery down town TK had mentioned he liked, but he didn’t want to risk him waking up in an empty house thinking Carlos had run off.

“Looks like there’s enough for pancakes here.” He mumbled to himself. “And I still have some of that green tea he likes and those bananas are still ok to eat.” He shook his head when he realised he’d been talking to himself. “First sign of madness, Reyes.” He turned the radio on for background noise and got to work.

He wasn’t really listening to the music, just humming along while he cooked until he vaguely recognised a song his mother loved. He remembered catching his parents dancing to it in the kitchen on more than one occasion.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.” He quietly sang along, thinking of TK and maybe dancing to the very song with him some day.

“Oh no, you’re a morning person.” He suddenly heard from behind him, making him jump and turn around. “If this is a regular thing, this isn’t going to work.” TK joked, looking unfairly attractive for someone who had apparently just woken up.

“You're supposed to be in bed! I was going to make you breakfast in bed!” Carlos scolded him, when his heartrate had returned to normal.

“I woke up and you weren’t there. I got lonely.” TK shrugged, pushing himself off the doorjamb and walking over to Carlos, wrapping his arms around his waist. “And then I heard you down here and I thought I'd come enjoy the show.”

Carlos laughed and leaned in for a kiss.

“What can I say, I'm in a good mood.”

“Yeah? Any particular reason?”

“I don’t know. I had a good night’s sleep. It’s a nice day…”

“It’s raining.”

“Maybe I like rain.”

“No you don’t, you hate rain because it messes up your hair.” TK teased.

“That was one time!” Carlos protested. “And it was because I wanted to look nice for you on our first official date.”

TK’s face softened and he pressed another kiss to Carlos’ lips.

“You looked great babe. You always do. It’s not fair really.”

“Hmm… says the man who looks like a model when he’s just woken up.”

“Shut up. You’re my boyfriend, you’re biased.” TK said and Carlos briefly wondered if he could feel his heart skip a beat at the mention of that word. It wasn’t the first time TK had called him his boyfriend, but he still felt giddy every time.

“What are you making?” TK peeked over his shoulder at the stove.

“Pancakes. Is that alright?”

“Sure.”

“What? Don’t you like pancakes?”

“No I do, I do. I just... never really eat breakfast. I usually just have a smoothie and back in New York I’d just get a coffee and whatever pastry looked semi fresh from the bodega near the firehouse.”

Carlos frowned.

“You can’t live on coffee and a pastry. Let alone work a full shift.”

“I don’t know. I’d just rather sleep a little longer than get up to cook.”

“From now on, I’ll make you a real breakfast whenever I can.”

“From now on? Does that mean this will be a regular thing?” TK asked innocently.

“I hope so. I like waking up next to you.” Carlos said and kissed him before stepping out of his embrace and turning his attention back to the stove. “Sit down, they’re almost done.”

“I thought I was getting breakfast in bed?”

“Get back to bed then, I’ll be up in a sec.” Carlos ordered, making TK laugh

In the end they settled on the sofa together, enjoying the pancakes and each other’s company with the radio in the kitchen still playing mindless pop songs.

“You know that song is actually about a man.” TK said around a bite of food.

“What song?”

“The one you were singing along to in the kitchen earlier. Can't take my eyes off you. Bob Crewe wrote it after waking up next to a man one morning and not being able to stop looking at him.”

Carlos gave him a questioning look.

“How do you even know that?”

TK shrugged.

“My mom is a musical theatre fan. She'd take me to shows all the time back in New York. We saw Jersey Boys four times I think. The story of Frankie Valli and the four seasons. She knew the guy who played Bob Crewe somehow and he told us that after the show one time.”

“So what you're saying is that you are a secret theatre kid?” Carlos teased. “What other trivia do you know?”

“Not much. I was just reminded of it when I saw you in the kitchen. I think I understand Bob Crewe now.” TK said and pressed a kiss to Carlos’ shoulder.

“Yeah? Are you going to write a song about me then?”

TK laughed.

“If I do, you’ll be the first to know.”

[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

Weekly Wrap-Up

July 22nd, 2024 - July 28, 2024

🌸 This week has been pretty great overall. Let's review what I managed to get done:

Two visits to my parents. One for the car, one for the garage sale.

Submitted 5 scholarship essays

Deposited 5 checks that have been sitting around

Cleaned out my car/fridge. They're very neat now

Went grocery shopping instead of procrastinating it

Ordered two new chargers. One for my office, one for home

Fixed up a chapter of the book I'm writing for NaNoWriMo and posted it in the writing group for folks to workshop today

Researched 10 different programs for my conference presentation

Sent in the BOD application. Even though it was auto-rejected (due to number of applicants) I still finally sent it in

Did my nails for the new job, then took them off (didn't like them)

🏫 School is rapidly approaching. Mid-to-late August. I wanted to apply to 100 scholarships before school starts, but at this rate, it'll be more like 50. I still have around 3 weeks left so... guess we'll see. Gonna increase the rate I work at.

🎧 My pink headphones I've had since... it has to be since 2020 finally gave up the ghost. They underwent some heavy daily use, and spent a short stint of time in a garage when I was between houses, so I'm honestly shocked they lasted 4 years. I just went to lay down while I was wearing them a few days ago, something went CRACK in the left ear, and since then it was a right-ear-only headphone 🤡 Thankfully I had brand-new extras in my closet I ordered because I thought these broke previously but hadn't-- the cord was just loose-- and so I wasn't bothered in the least. Awesome.

🎤 Nervous for the upcoming conference in... a week and a half. I know I'm prepared to write my piece of the deliverables (the powerpoint, the presentation) but I'm not convinced my co-presenters are. Tomorrow, I need to ask them more directly if they're able to answer several questions pertaining to our topic-- because that's what we need to put in the slides. They only have like 3 days left to research enough to rectify that if they aren't. And I understand some people operate on a last-minute based work schedule, but I'm not. It's important we get this DONE.

💼 Work for the upcoming week should be smooth enough. Still settling into my new role and trying to figure out what would be best to change/adapt for the program. I need to brainstorm some more while I'm at work and figure all that out.

Good things ahead, I know it!

[Photos: heart-shaped lipstick I got from a mystery box, unidentified flowers from my family's garden, new pink headphones, bullet journal entry, postcards on my wall (detail), postcards on my wall with ivy.]

[bear-de-lune]

Commitments

I am so sick of being crippled with stress about my university assessments, then I say something along the lines of "wow I am on track with my assessments and reaching the daily goals" and parental figure completely tears me apart that I am sleeping too much and have too much to do (assessment and other commitment wise) so if I am tired, I should get out of bed early, freshen up, do my uni work, then go back to sleep. I am sorry what? I do not work like that at all. That was yesterday. TODAY parental figure organises to have the fridge fixer man come over tomorrow (whilst they know I have goals and shit to do tomorrow) and I also have a tutoring gig that will take 3 hours (travel, session, travel). AND parental figure was expecting me to do some casual grocery shopping after the fridge man leaves so I can get some things for dinner. So when I said no I would rather not also do that, I got so much attitude and an eye roll because god only knows. Parental figure is not house bound. Parental figure is leaving the house tomorrow and can get the dinner items (they aren't even necessary we have other stuff) on the way home from work. So, why? Why am I torn apart for being disorganised, when today I have actually gone over my set goals?

[pbandjesse]

It's the first day of camp!!! I can't believe it is here already! I am very pleased. And honestly it was a really great day.

I slept okay last night. I sort of remember James saying goodbye to me this morning. I was very tired and I would sleep until around 8:30. And when I got up I was feeling pretty good. I was excited to go to camp.

But I am feeling very self-conscious. My hair feels very bad and just feel like my face looks puffy and I just feel like vaguely uncomfortable. I'm working on it I just don't know what's wrong.

I got dressed but I didn't want to wear my outfit that I had chosen anymore so I changed into a long skirt and I felt a lot better. I would wear way too much jewelry because I thought it would help and it did a little. I was going to wear my rain boots but James had accidentally taken them down to the car already so I had to wear slippers to go outside and change into them once I was ready to leave. I said goodbye to sweetp and headed to camp.

I texted Charlotte pretty early this morning because today is Callie's birthday! And I wanted to make sure that we were getting her cupcakes or something because she had said that the only thing she wants for her birthday is for everyone to be eating cupcakes at camp together. And by God I was going to make sure that happened. They apparently didn't know she was coming today because of a miscommunication so I offer to stop at the grocery store and get the cupcakes for her. And I did and that worked out really nicely. First I went and got breakfast. And then I drove to the grocery store near camp. And got here around 9:30.

I didn't want her to know about the cupcakes though. So I originally took them to the office but then Chris told me to take him to the lodge to put in the fridge for dinner. Because they had gotten everyone donuts for breakfast and he thought maybe that would be too much sugar. And he was not wrong.

I gave CJ tarot cards and little purse I bought there. And she gave me earrings! And I was like hey it's your birthday You're not supposed to be giving me gifts. But it was very sweet of her. And the morning was just checking in about stuff for kids arriving. And it turned out that we were going to have a political figures child at camp. I'm not going to say who because I don't know if I'm allowed. But that just meant we were going to be having a police detail and some security measures and there was just going to be a little bit of a difference with check-in for them but nothing huge. And I had already volunteered to be the person that everyone said hello to first at the bears so I just needed to be on the lookout for their vehicles.

After that we worked on cleaning up the lodge and setting up tables. Well all of the counselors that have kids today went up to their cabins to get ready and have meetings. And I checked in with Alexi and after finishing setting up where the tables were going to go I went up to arts and crafts to work on a sheet that had all of the ages and grades and cabins so that I wouldn't get confused when parents were arriving. Mostly because everything is flip-floped this year and the boys are in the girls cabins and the girls are in the boys cabins. That is because we have 30 pioneers boys which is so much more than normal. So they are up in upper Camp while the girls are in lower camp. Which was super fun to explain to the parents when they got here. The new people that didn't matter but the returners were not thrilled with me.

While I was up here working on my sheet my dad texted me and I called him back. We didn't talk for very long though because all of a sudden everyone needed me for stuff. People wanted me to help with posters and then there was questions about buckets and there was cleaning happening of the gator outside of my building and there was questions about the hose. There was just a lot going on all of a sudden and I got overwhelmed. So I told dad I had to go. I'm going to try to call him again tomorrow because I feel bad that today just got away from me after all of that.

Soon though it was time to go to the office to get some information from Alexi and then I was walking down to bears.

It was very humid today. Thankfully it has mostly stopped being so oppressive but man I was very sweaty. I brought an umbrella with him because it was supposed to rain but honestly once it started raining I mostly just wanted to stand under the rain because I was so hot. I also brought my knitting with me and I got three squares done while I was down there so that was cool. But mostly I was there to say hello to every single camper that came today.

I really enjoyed it though. I have to talk to everybody and be that smiley face that everyone got greeted by. And while there were some weird moments. Like when a parent got upset with me because I couldn't tell her that her child could do laundry while they were here because she did not pack enough clothes for 2 weeks for some reason. And was like what do you want me to do buy her more clothes? And I was just like you will have to speak to her counselors because I don't know what to tell you. And just some of the general weirdness because the older girls are so used to being in upper camp. But mostly it was great.

Sophie came down in the Gator to bring me a piece of pizza. Which was very nice of her because I was getting very hungry. I was also running out of water and by 3:30 I was all out and that was not fun. I was talking to so many people that my throat was getting very dry. But mostly I had a good time and I texted the office to ask when I was allowed to come back up. And eventually Elizabeth called me and told me that I could be done and I was very appreciative of that.

Charlotte, CJ, and a couple of the other girls were driving past me on the gator and I asked if they could carry the chair that I had brought down up with them because it was heavy and they said of course. And so I went up to arts and crafts to drop off all of my stuff. I packed my little shower bag and the soft dress that I plan to wear for the evening. And went to the pool house.

They were doing swim tests and there were a couple kids in the bathrooms unsupervised. So I went and found who there counselor was and reminded them that we're supposed to have watchers at the doorways. But apparently nobody remembers that but me. I don't even have kids! But it's fine. I swept the bathroom because there were paper towels everywhere and once the girls were done getting changed I went and took a shower.

It was a great shower. I was so overheated and the cold water was very very nice. And then I used my new summer lotion that kind of smells cucumbery. And tried to not feel so bad about my hair. And then went back out into the world where I could not see because I forgot my sunglasses up in the craft lodge.

And honestly by the time I got back up here I was sweaty already. I took all the blankets out of my hammock and laid down in front of my fan and just tried to cool off again. And eventually I would but it was a struggle.

I will be up here just trying to reset for a little while. I tried doing my eyebrows because I am so unhappy with my general appearance right now and it helped a little. I did a little organizing and then I set up the still lives for my project this week. And eventually walk down to the nurse's office to use the bathroom and to see if dinner had started yet.

There were a lot of children outside so I decided that meant that I could go back up to arts and crafts and organize a few things before coming back down.

But I was feeling really low. I watched a TikTok that made me cry and I know I was just being overly emotional about something. I have no idea what. And I tried to shake it off best I could. And then I went to see if I could get dinner and if it was worth it.

We had spaghetti and they did have sauce that was vegetarian. So I got that and decided since there was no specialty staff table set up yet I would go sit on the stairs by the road. And I sat down there and sadly ate my pasta. Until CJ noticed me and asked if she could sit with me too. And that was great. She was a little emotional too about how this year is different and it's her birthday and it's her golden birthday at that turning 25 on the 25th. And he just talked and it was really nice. The sun was setting and it looked so beautiful behind the trees. I had left my phone up here to charge or I would have taken a picture. I honestly didn't have my phone with me a lot today. But it was really nice being with my friend.

And eventually we decided we wanted to go see if they were having dessert. I knew that there were cupcakes. She did not know this. She kept saying they weren't going to have dessert because s'mores were tonight. And I was like I don't know let's go find out. But then everyone was having popsicles so then I was more confused. But Alexi said we were going to wait till after dinner and make a big fuss. Kieran came and asked her if she was okay with everyone singing to her and I convinced her that it would be great. And of course she cried when it happened. They made her stand on a chair and we all cheered and it was so cute. Alexi couldn't find a candle so we had her blow out a lighter which was very funny. And we gave her the cupcakes and it was very happy and exciting.

CJ wasn't sure how we should hand out the cupcakes to counselors so I suggested we go over to the field where they were doing flag for the night. And then as everyone was leaving we could hand them out to staff as they went to the council ring. And that worked really really well. It was funny telling all the kids that these were counselor only cupcakes. They kept trying to convince us to give them to them as well but we did not have enough for everyone. And the counselors seemed super excited about the little snack and I told them all that they had to go in till CJ that they loved her. She did not know that I told them that so it was very funny when she was very confused when they were all saying that.

We walked around for a little bit making sure that any staff that didn't get a cupcake who might want one would get one. And we gave one to Alexi's daughter Josephine because while we said we were not giving any to campers she's only day camp this week and so she did not technically count as a camper and our decision making.

But I was mostly just having fun hanging out with my friend and eventually we went to the office where I reminded Elizabeth again to order the cuttlefish bones I needed. And she did in that moment but then we realized that they weren't getting delivered until September so then I had to go find somewhere else that sold them and I felt very bad that I had been only searching on eBay because when I looked on Amazon before I could only find single ones and not bulk. But in my new research tonight I found how to get wholesale bones and found a good seller and sent them off but that was after like four different links I sent her and I felt very stupid that I had not just thought of using the word wholesale the first time. I hope she forgives me.

I came back up here after hanging out in the office for a little while. And I spent some time mending a pair of pants that one of my co-workers asked me to fix. I did a very fancy double patch with one patch being on the inside and one being on the outside so it should be super strong. And I did a little knitting as well. And then I decided I needed to figure out how to make my hammock more comfortable. I have pinned two pillows one on each end so that the hammock kind of stays open. And so far that's been great. But my butt gets cold so I wanted to make an under blanket. And so I took one of my two fuzzy blankets and pinned them to the pillow. I was afraid of pinning too much to the hammock because I don't want to tear it. And so far it seems to have worked pretty well. It's not perfect but I don't feel as much air as I have before. I think if it was cooler tonight it wouldn't be as warm but it's still really nice. A successful hack.

I've been chatting with James and Jess and CJ pretty much all night. Just texting and sending stuff back and forth. Jess want to go look at a house today that is absolutely precious. And she's going to make an offer on it so I'm really excited for her. And James and me have been joking about opening a restaurant that is themed after Pan Am. Because pan means bread. So you'd have like an airline themed bakery that you can get flights of different kinds of bread and pastries. It's a million dollar idea.

But now I really should work on starting to get to sleep. I already brushed my teeth and I'm just kind of cozy laying here. I hope you all have a really nice night. Wish me luck on my classes tomorrow. It's going to be a very full day. I'm a little nervous about my project. It's kind of hard to explain still life drawing to children so doing that and then having the extra bit of making it white crayons and watercolor resists is going to be fun but also a little intimidating. So let's hope it goes well.

Sleep well and be safe.

[prettysurethisworks]

I got a message on my LinkedIn profile today. I spent hours trying to decide how to answer — whether to answer. The Notepad window next to the web browser filled, emptied, filled again. This is some of it, a bit of fiction, because sometimes that helps.

--

A young couple in a suburban high school: a boy who plays football, passes most of his classes, and expects to work at his father's company immediately after graduating and until he retires; a girl who loves to read and has hopes for a brighter world but no real plans, and doesn't know any better. They date.

On graduating, she finds that her college options have evaporated, but her boyfriend promises to support her if they get married. She says yes. From the outside, it looks a little lame. His father has her sign something. She doesn't argue. It's still the best option she has.

At home, he reminds her that she needs him. He has the job, the house, the food in the fridge; everything she needs, and all she has to do in exchange is everything he asks, and be a good little subservient housewife, forever. After all, what else would she do? Nobody else would provide for her like this, but he will. She'd be homeless and hopeless without him.

He doesn't actually hit her; the threat is there, maybe, in a vague sense, with the patches in the drywall and the slammed doors. But he never actually hits her. It could be a lot worse, she tells herself, and she reads every paperback romance that she spots in the grocery store checkout line.

He serves her divorce papers on a Monday morning. It's cheaper, he says, to hire a whore once a week, and she's never had anything else to offer him.

She winds up at the library, a few days later, and she has a chance encounter with a flashy city boy while reading about community events at the corkboard. He asks her out that night, and the second time she sees his apartment he's set out a toothbrush for her. It's a convenient rebound, that's all. But he tells her she's smart, and he listens to what she has to say as if he believes it.

The flashy city boy takes her to meet his friends, who are all flashy city people, too: smart, and kind, and making their own way in spite of mistakes and setbacks, which they talk about as though everybody has them. They all treat her like a peer until she thinks it might even be true.

None of the flashy city people talk about forever; they don't make that kind of promise. And that relationship ends, too, and it hurts when it ends — but she's a different person now, for having seen that different way of living.

She moves back into her old bedroom in her parents' house, and sees the remnants she'd left behind there, and cries because she wishes she could have told her high school self how much brighter things could be.

And then the ex-husband leaves her a voicemail: he's looking for a housekeeper. Part-time. Contract.

She's healthier, stronger, happier, better now — and maybe he is too. They've both had the same years to grow. But if she calls him back to find out what he's offering, she wonders, will he tell her to wear something cute when she shows up? And worse — will she do it?

[renas-hebdo]

25 July, 6:30PM, thursday

Mood - Calm, tense

Book of the day - Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

Today has been nice so far.

I woke up after everyone today, so the family is Downtown.

For context,

Mother (retired) is a gardener(?) but more specifically so with the local community gardens, then with landscaping for the city beautification initiative — basically rehab'ing lawns for people who can't maintain them.

Grandmother or "Jo" (also retired) works at a food bank for a few days each week. And,

Sister or "M" is a non-practicing lawyer. I never go with her, so I'm unsure what she really does day-to-day, but she's a city councilperson too, so maybe there's something for her to do there; she's always in the Municipal Building.

Municipal Building is super-vague lmao. I'm just trying not to say too many specific details. Downtown is pretty distinctive, if you're from around here.

But, those are the people who sleep at the House every night.

I tend to sleep in, because I'm technically unemployed!! Lmao. I just graduated college (barely), and I'm kinda trying to figure out what to do exactly?? Mother doesn't want me to work, which isn't really sustainable long-term, imo. So, we disagree, but I'm not allowed to argue it, so idk.

I hadn't spoken to her in a few days until last night. She came home with groceries, and, like a well-trained dog, I started opening the bags and setting everything into the fridge/pantry. Everything was in those reusable linen cloth bags, because she remembered to use them this time, and I folded a few before she pulled them from between my fingers and asked somewhat forcefully, "What have you been doing?"

I should have said it better, maybe, but I told her, "Nothing," and I should not have asked, maybe, but I asked, "Why, what?"

Her face got crooked, though I didn't really see it, and she told me, "Don't start."

I'm not normally the type to talk back, but I asked her, "What do you want me to do?"

She exhaled and I could tell she was angry, so I didn't expect an answer. I stopped everything and just went to take a long bath, then went to bed after that.

It's just dumb.

I told a friend about it over the phone a few hours ago, which I'm not really supposed to do, but it'll be fine. She thinks Mother is crazy, which is affirming to hear at all.

Admittantly, the reason I started this blog was kind-of to distract from it. I'm having fun scrolling around. And, in between, I've been cleaning at home, and obv talking on the phone.

I think I'm going to take a break before I start reading. I'm on this visual novel right now, Fun House by Alison Bechdel. It's really good. Definitely recommend. I'll hopefully finish it today, and then I have a few poetry books a friend lent me. Maybe I'll post about any good stuff I find in them.

ANYWAY,

SORRY IF THIS SEEMS KIND OF HEAVY. I feel like it's whatever. I'm somewhat used to it. HOPEFULLY, I'll have better news tomorrow. My friend (the one from above) and I are staying at her parents' tonight, so it'll be a vacation, if only for one night.

OTHERWISE,

Have a great day to whoever gets this far. I'm going to take a nap now!

— Rena