#it was like this at the renfaire too. why did you even want to come if youre just going to make fun of the people who dressed up
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euygghh you'd think I'd learn my lesson by now. anyway note to self never take your mom anywhere you hold dear again because she will make fun of it afterward for the next 2 hours
#'why dont you take me to that store you like' *takes her* her after: hahahah wowwww yeah the guy at the lame store was trying to hit on me#I LIKE THAT GUY! hes alwasy been super nice to me. he wasnt flirting not everyone wants you 💀💀💀#and i like that store i dont think its lame theyve got cool stuff#it was like this at the renfaire too. why did you even want to come if youre just going to make fun of the people who dressed up#i dressed up! i thought it was fun. maybe YOURE the weird one for showing up to an event in inappropriate clothing just to make#fun of those that showed up on theme#not to put down anyone who doesnt dress up im just saying you cant show up to an event where people are allowed to#dress extravagantly and then make fun of them for doing so
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Funniest SAGAU reverse isekai settings for them to pop into existence in:
1. Renaissance fair
2. Norway (Khaenri’ah is based off Norway so I think everyone would freak out)
3. Anime/Video game convention
4. New York City babey (or any major city) (like Enchanted but worse)
6. Haunted house
Nobody is having a good time, but it would be so funny.
I am so very sorry that it took me this long to write this, life kept throwing things at me and so I died before writing this
I haven't been to most of these places, but you are so correct, I'm mostly having them react to the places, and it's not necessarily focused on them searching for you
If it wasn't quite how you wanted, please ask again? I'll try my best
Renfaire:
Fischl, would fit perfectly in a Renfaire, overwelmed at first but slow grows to like more and more, before proudly proclaiming "I am the Prinzessin der Verurteilung" and all the people clap and bow down and respect her like a princess
What about Ayaka, joining in, changing into some of the clothes available and joining into the festivities, someplace where her responsibility don't weigh on her, somewhere the honor of her family doesn't follow her like a shadow
Both girls probably would this a blessing from 'Your Grace' a chance to relax and unwind in a place that welcomes them so warmly
Norway:
Dainsleif holds a bated breath as he looks around the place, familiar yet, unfamiliar. He torn on whether this is a gift from you or a curse, just what has he done to deserve this?
Zhongli feels his memories of the war coming back to him, flooding his thoughts, so many people... dead, why did you show him this place? Did you want to him something? Are you displeased with him?
Norway fills those who know about Khaenri'ah with a hidden dread, they misunderstand and think somethings changing, the world's getting overturned
Anime/Video Game Con
Nahida walks around the con glancing around, she understands that she's in a different world almost instantly, she's curious about the customs and world she just appeared in, does everyone try and imitate others? She does rather feel unnerved around the Dottore cosplayers
Collei immediately gets intimidated by all the loud sounds and the bumping bodies, although luckily several kind cosplayers took care of her and gently lead her away from the crowd, she honestly just very confusing and overstimulated
The con is a curious place for those who visit it and almost everyone who has trauma from Dottore wonder why there's so many Dottore clones all in one place
New York City:
Venti feels stifled, the air didn't have the same clean crispness of Teyvat, and although the sights are sounds of city are music to his ears, the air pushes on his chest like a heavy weight, making it hard for him to full enjoy his trip into the real world
Xinyan absolutely loves the city, the aesthetic, the feeling of expression, all kinds of music and styles, she wasn't getting weird stares or her style choice, she love her time in the city, her only problem? The how dirty the streets were
In New York City, it goes about as well as you'd expect, it's exciting to all the new sights, however... if it's extremely easy for one to get overstimulated
Haunted House:
Chongyun probably knocked out the first person that tried to scare him before realizing that it was just a normal person and not a evil spirit, he still gets his hopes up that he'll encounter a true ghost through
Hu Tao absolutely loves scaring the cast and guests, she'll find all the hiding spots and lay in wait for her next victim, honestly has a huge blast even though she's been transported into a different world
A/N Ahhhhh I posted it too early!!!!!!
Thanks for Reading
#genshin impact#genshin#genshin headcanons#genshin fluff#genshin imapct#genshin sagau#genshin sagau x reader#sagau cult au#sagau x reader#sagau#genshin impact sagau#genshin nahida#genshin impact nahida#genshin buer#genshin collei#genshin impact collei#genshin dainsleif#genshin impact dainsleif#zhongli genshin impact#genshin zhongli#genshin impact zhongli#genshin morax#hu tao#venti the bard#xinyan#ayaka kamisato#fischl#genshin fischl#ayaka genshin impact#venti genshin impact
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I love tumblr. only here can you find someone who pretends to have a trendy tiktok mental illness, defends the worst of the worst, AND thinks they're being digitally gangstalked. fatherless behavior
I know, right??? See, what I did to achieve this was to start showing recorded symptoms of D.I.D. eight years before TikTok was invented. I wanted to be, like, SUPER prepared so I was ahead of the trend. And then, to REALLY throw people off, not even come out about it for another four years. So like, to be expert level, you have to just sprinkle breadcrumbs from not only your POV, but multiple people who witnessed it, over twelve years before saying something.
It's the long game, you see. Real galaxy brain stuff, it was ahead of its time.
And then
And THEN
You have to join a cult. It's actually kinda easy, going to your average RenFaire is probably your best bet but we just built a parasocial kinda deal. If they say they knew you in a past life or if they're a king or god or werewolf, jackpot.
Especially if your group bonding activity is like, good old fashioned counter-cursing.
Then BLOW THAT WHISTLE, FUCKER~
Then the stalking just kind of flourishes on its own so you don't even NEED the extra effort of delusions.
As far as the D.I.D. stuff?
You gotta keep up the charade every day.
And sometimes this means turning an alcohol and nicotine addiction on and off for days or weeks at a time. As it turns out, all those decades of addiction research is actually just to help the Tyler Durden conspiracy. it's way easy to just, choose not to be addicted anymore.
It's a well-known fact that substance dependency was what was invented during the MySpace days
And it's not just for the internet, you gotta do it at work, at home, with partners, even when you just woke up.
I know it's like, a lot. But you gotta hang in there. There's also less clout and your life is like, way more complicated. I know it seems like the opposite of why people get on trends, but just hear me out.
The goal of all that?
These anonymous asks.
Because no matter how dysfunctional I might feel, these science-scorning Jerry Springer rejects in my inbox always make me feel great by comparison's sake. 😍 Where would we be without these future TrueCrime deep dives of our generation?
For more advice, see DontYouHaveAMeTooVictimToThreatenOrSomething.jfc
But that's if you're not too busy over in JetFuelDoesntMeltSteelBeams.meet
-Sparrow 🧷 (or idk what you people think is the real one, just fill in whoever you think is faking the other people ig.)
#i had a lot of fun with this ngl#disassociative identity disorder#did system#ask#anon#bc ofc anon#anyway gonna get drunk now byyyyyeeeee#tw fakeclaiming#99% sarcasm#it's sad i have to clarify but y'all are dense
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Happy Birthday, Roman! Last year when I wrote to you, I was days a way from moving away from home and now at the end of this week, it'll have been a year since I moved. Which is...kind of mind blowing to think about. It doesn't really feel...real exactly. Maybe it's just the ADHD or the dissociation or both, but it doesn't feel like a lot has changed. Life is...carrying on like it always has.
But it was a big move and, at the time, it was scary. I spent days wondering if I had made the right decision, staying up late wondering if I did the right thing, trying to figure out if I regretted that choice. There's a lot that...I haven't figured our yet and there's a that...hasn't worked out yet.
Roman, I mean this so sincerely when I say, you were a big part of why I was brave enough to make that change. I love where I live now, I love the trees and the sky and a lot of the physical features of this new location have been something I've wanted. The job I have now isn't something I ever thought I'd do, I was terrified of having the job I do now. But I kinda love it. It's still a job, still not what I want to be doing full time, but I'm surprisingly enjoying myself.
Roman, if there is anything you have taught me over the years, it's that it's okay to want and to yearn for things. And maybe that seems silly to some, but that was such an important lesson for me to learn. I spent so long not letting myself want anything because...there was no point to it. Things couldn't happen the way I wanted, so why bother even entertaining the idea? Why bother trying or starting things? They can't happened. It was all too big and too far away. Now I still feel that way....a lot of the time, but I'm getting better.
I actually think I have a chance at some of the things I've dreamt about for years. Maybe not as immediate as I'd like, but...I can actually fathom that they might come to pass. And you gave me that hope, Roman, you taught me to believe. I can't thank you enough for that.
Even little things! I bought myself a space themed baby doll dress for kicks and giggles and a corset for Renfaire, I've bought a pronoun necklace, a fishnet top, a black mini skirt, so many little things that I always wanted, but never allowed myself to dwell on because I didn't think I was ever going to get out and be able to have them. And now I do!
I own witchy shit! I have a tarot deck and a pendulum and witchy books. Not just that, but I actually now have little covert shrines up in my room for deities I was taught aren't real, and I've learned that they are and now, I own and do special things to honor them. All because you taught me that wanting is okay.
I have so far to go still, I know that. But I have also come so far. Both in general, but also in...letting myself believe that maybe dreams do come true.
I hope yours for birthday come true too, Roman. You deserve it. Thank you so much for teaching me that dreaming and wanting are okay and even safe things to do. Thank you for teaching me to never give up on those dreams that to others seem silly or insignificant. Thank you for being you. And happy birthday.
And thank you to @thatsthat24 for sharing this character and this series with all of us. It's truly changed my life for the better.
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Pepper’s Whumptober Masterpost
I did it! 31 days, 31 prompts... I’M SORRY DIEGO!
I also concussed, tortured, and poisoned him; beat him up; chained him up; broke his heart; killed him (temporarily!); and took away his toys. So, if you’re into all that, boy have I got some fics for you.
(In fairness, a LOT of these end with someone kissing it better, metaphorically-speaking.)
Masterlist of my fics below the cut:
Everything Is Peaches But The Cream (T, Lila/Diego): Diego shook off the last of the dizziness as he watched the red taillights bouncing off down the uneven road. He could hear an excited whoop drift back to him, over the roar of the engine. Dammit. He’d really liked that car, too.
And Watch How You Play (G, gen): Diego blinked at the hostages. How could he choose? How could they even ask him something like that? "N-no," he growled. "Let. Them. Go."
Beat It Out (T, gen): The sound of a punch to the face, in Diego's experience, is different to the feel of it. It sounds meaty, flat, fleshy—but it feels like rock, like bone, all sharp points and painful angles.
It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding) (T, gen): The moment he ran into the collapsing building, the only thought in his head had been a frantic, Mom! But a second later, he’d realized his error. One second too late.
Better Than Flowers (T, Lila/Diego): None of his siblings know yet that Lila's back, but he has a feeling they're going to find out sooner or later. Particularly if she keeps doing shit like this.
The Wire Mother (T, gen): "Number Two, your attachment to Grace is irrational." Sir Reginald Hargreeves paused, frowning down at the boy's bowed head. "I intend to break you of such bad habits."
Let’s Do ‘Get Help’ (T, gen): Diego has three normal responses to physical injury: conceal-don't-feel, angry yelling, and unconsciousness.
Bless Your Soul (You Really Think You’re In Control?) (T, gen): The first time he's thrown into a padded cell is after his second escape attempt.
Mazel Tov (G, gen): Diego gets himself into trouble all the time. Of course he does—he has the training, the knives, the police scanner, and the long, lonely nights, so why wouldn't he put all of that to use? But he also lives in a shitty neighborhood, which is why he's grocery shopping when this one happens.
Nothing Good Starts In A Getaway Car (G, gen): It's a fairly typical Hargreeves family car trip-slash-getaway.
Contentious (T, Eudora/Diego): He's waiting on her porch when she gets home.
Wicked Games (T, Lila/Diego), with a sequel, My Girl Is A Heartbreak, at the end of this post: The Handler taps her lip. "The idiot with the knives, he might be your easiest target. How are you going to do it?"
Can’t Fight The Undertow (T, gen): He's sixteen, and he knows everything. He has the training, and the experience, and the extra little spin that makes him special—which is probably why he gets in over his head.
Don’t Burn Out On Me (G, Eudora/Diego, Lila/Diego): There's a lot of talk about the Bravo Shift at Firehouse 63, informally known as the Umbrella Squad after some in-joke that no one remembers.
Oh Brother, What Happened? (G, gen): None of them really get why Five wants to be 58 again, but they all support him in his endeavors. At least until one of his experiments goes wrong, and Diego gets caught in the crossfire...
That’s A Trip (T, gen): The Holbrook Sanitorium believes in a multifactorial approach to mental illness.
The Healing Power of Little Old Ladies (T, gen): Diego never really thought of himself as Hispanic. Well, that's not quite accurate. It's on the list of things that describe him, like his height and weight, his powers, and everything else—but it was just one of those characteristics that Dad deemed unimportant—and so it was never important to Diego, either.
It’s Called A Cruel Irony (T, gen): Five has rarely seen Diego openly panicking. He's highly emotional, of course—one might say 'volatile' without fear of exaggeration—but he's far more comfortable displaying those emotions as anger, rather than anything more vulnerable. The one exception is his irrational fear of needles...
If You See Her, Say Hello (G, gen): He doesn't know why, but along with their own missing selves, there's no Grace at the Sparrow Academy. The others notice her absence, and they're sad, of course—but Diego... He can't stop feeling like it's his fault.
That Renfaire Life (T, Lila/Diego): Diego and the rest of the Umbrella Academy are absolutely, definitely not employed by the Commission. But sometimes they do...favors.
Box of Rocks (T, Lila/Diego): When you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, something something something. That's (roughly) how the saying goes.
Sheesh, Diego (G, gen): It hadn't been a hard fight. Maybe that was where things had gone wrong.
5 Times Diego Lost Sleep (T, Eudora/Diego, Lila/Diego): Five times Diego didn't get his full 8 hours.
I Heard A Rumor (G, gen): Living in a house with seven superpowered children is always eventful. 'Eventful' is how Pogo phrases it, even in his own mind, consciously quashing some of the more...forceful thoughts that occasionally entered.
Once A Year, The Styx Flows Backward (G, gen): The man turns and smiles at him, and...there's something different. Something about the calm energy that radiates from him...something so familiar... "Ben?" he tries, quietly.
Disaster Siblings (G, gen): "It's hot in here. Are you guys hot? I'm gonna open a window—" "No!" yelled at least three of his siblings, and the immovable iron bar that was Luther's left arm slammed Diego back into his seat.
Comin’ Home Baby (T, gen, but with a tiny bit of Lila/Diego): He looks around, and then steps out past the basket that's just under the shelter of the stone lintel, squinting up and down the street through the rain. "Hello? Hey! Yo, whoever left a frickin' baby on my doorstep, wanna come back and deal with it?"
One Bad Day (T, gen): Everyone has a bad day sometime, and Diego is sipping on a warm soda and arguing with Five in the group chat at an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere, when he has his.
Lone Wolf (T, gen): "I believe that I have made myself perfectly clear already, Number Two: you are no longer welcome here. Kindly depart."
Delicate In Every Way But One (T, gen): Marija drops down beside him and leans her wiry arms over the ropes, panting. "Good fight," she puffs. "Gotcha good, huh?" Yeah, he's going to be black and blue tomorrow.
My Girl Is A Heartbreak (T, Lila/Diego), sequel to ‘Wicked Games’, above: "Brace yourself," she tells him, but he still drops like a stone when the chain goes loose, crying out in pain.
#whumptober2020#fic masterpost#fic by pepper#tua#the umbrella academy#diego hargreeves#dielila#diego x lila#diego x eudora
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in support of Black Lives Matter, @mystifiedgal donated $30, and requested Tony Stark/Stephen Strange pre-slash. Thank you for donating!
to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts)
It’s a real busy month. The superfriends break out of supermax, with the help of a blond beefboy who flings frisbees at the security cameras and doesn’t care who sees his face; the UN goes ballistic and demands Tony help; Tony gets extremely, extremely drunk like he hasn’t in years and sends Ross a manip video of Tucker Maxx getting rawed by a donkey dressed as a colonel instead of responding; the superfriends crash back into America, and Natasha--traitor--lets them back in to the Avengers compound upstate; Tony, still drunk, decides to let them stay instead of incinerating the damn thing from space; Wanda gets kidnapped by a wizard; Tony and Steve have to go save her. Tony and Steve. No, Tony’s not bitter.
“I’m struggling to come up with a reason why I shouldn’t have my house nuke your house from orbit,” Tony says. Steve gives him a bitchy look. Yeah, what else is new. He lifts his chin, looks at the wizard through his green glasses. Everything’s better in green. “Anything? Mister Wizard?”
Said wizard gives him an unimpressed look. Tony doesn’t know why. His facial hair is even more ridiculous than Tony’s, and Tony cultivates this shit. “Strange.”
“Yes, you are,” Tony says, and Steve sighs and cuts his hand through the air before Tony can continue.
“Doctor,” he says, polite. Tony rolls his eyes. Wanda, in stasis halfway up to the skylight in this weird-ass mansion, pulsates in angry red, trapped in amber. “You have to understand that things were--different. The Avengers have no desire to go to war with the--Sanctum.”
“The Sanctum has no desire to go to war with the Avengers,” the wizard says--and, jesus, what is his name? Blue eyes, good hair, cape that seems to float in magic wind. Fancy Bastard isn’t something that should go on a birth certificate. “However, you are harboring a magic user who could cause extreme damage to the innocent people of this plane if left unchecked.”
Steve frowns. “Now, look--” he says, and the wizard’s eyebrow cocks and he waves a hand, and in the circle of amber that appears midair (how?) there’s a perfect 4k, 3D view of the deaths of innocents in Lagos, of the devastation of Johannesburg after the Hulk was enraged there, of a man with red light crawling up his neck and the terror filling his eyes before his neck snaps.
Above, Wanda’s silent fury goes quiet as the red dims. Steve looks constipated, which Tony can admit inside his own head actually means he looks grim and upset and heroic. The wizard looks between the two of them. “This is a problem. It would be wisest to transfer her to an alternate plane, or at least to have her abilities removed.”
“They’re part of her,” Steve says, immediately. Tony looks up. Hard to see, from down here, but he can see that Wanda’s eyes are closed, inside her amber prison, and her face--he looks away. “You can’t remove them without killing her.”
“Well,” the wizard says, and doesn’t look even remotely regretful--who is this guy?--and Steve’s shoulders square up in that muscular way that presages a truly stupid fucking fight that’s about to ensue, and Tony opens his mouth without a single iota of a plan and says, “Wait a minute,” and the wizard and Steve and Wanda all look at him, and oh, for fuck’s sake. That means--
*
Doctor Stephen Strange. Brilliant surgeon. Incredible asshole. Drama queen, and the worst kind of all because he pretends not to be. No one has that beard without wanting to cause drama. Tony would know. Unfortunately--Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, and Stephen Strange, super wizard, and Stephen Strange, taking over a wing of the compound, coming and going as he pleases in a whisk of amber light, and Stephen Strange, Tony’s lab companion for the foreseeable future.
He misses Bruce.
The compound isn’t comfy. The various wings are divided into factions. Steve and the superfriends, hiding out from the UN and all of the other dozens of countries that want to prosecute them, are on the east side where the sparring rooms are. Tony’s set up on the west side where the labs are, and he didn’t think to put a bedroom in the lab because he thought this place would be all kumbaya, superhero summer camp, and figured maybe they’d actually want to talk to each other when they were all here. More fool him. He sleeps on the couch in the lab most days, when he sleeps at all, and it means he’s got a great view every time there’s a swirling mind-bending circle of amber light and all of a sudden there’s a fucking wizard in his house, ready to work with Wanda on how not to accidentally kill thousands of people.
This morning, for example. Morning? Tony drags a hand over his face, smears drool and engine grease. “Good morning, Mr. Stark,” Strange says, and Tony mouths it back at him schoolyard style--what he assumes normal kids did in schoolyards--and Tony lets Friday speak the room into brightness, telling him the time and the weather and whether the world’s blown up, while he’s catnapped.
“How’s the scarlet terror?” Tony says, knuckling his eyes. Christ, this sucks. 69 degrees and he can’t even make a joke about it.
A pause. “Progressing,” Strange says. He’s still wearing that stupidass cosplay outfit. Cape and all.
Tony squints at him, slumped back on the couch. “You know, if you were a real wizard, you’d magic me up some coffee.”
Strange looks at him. He always looks stern. Like Tony’s failing some test. It’s tiring from the rest of the supercrew; it’s not better from some rando in a RenFaire uniform. Strange gestures, with his left hand, and unfurls the fist of his right at the lab table, which--abruptly becomes a coffee table, in that there’s a pot of steaming coffee and toast and what Tony thinks is--fucking lox?
“From that deli on 44th,” Strange says, matter-of-fact. “You know, when I’m not a sorcerer I’m a doctor. In my medical opinion, you could look less like shit.”
Tony staggers upright, fetches up against the table. His head gongs like a--like a fuckin’ gong. It’s too early for metaphor. He pours a cup of coffee and ignores that his hands are trembling. “In my layman opinion you can suck my dick,” he says, friendly, and Strange rolls his eyes but he--he smiles, too, and he--doesn’t look like nearly so much of a dickhead when he smiles. Cape or no. Tony holds the cup (finest porcelain, like Tony has drunk coffee at Buckingham Palace in less-nice china than this) and squints, brain still offline, and Strange shakes his head and says, “Good luck, Tony,” and whisks away to deal with their little magical terror, and leaves Tony to think of what the hell. Just--what the hell.
*
Turns out there’s a big difference between kinds of magic. And here was Tony, just thinking that physics were physics. “No, no,” Strange says, impatiently. “There is of course the physics of our plane, which follow their own laws. Then, naturally, there is the magic of Asgard, brought forth from Yggdrasil the world-tree and the belief therein, which is the sort that Loki and Odin may perform. Then there is the magic of the Infinity Stones, which perform their own miracles, and of course there is our problem with Miss Maximoff.”
He’s drawing a chart in the air with his hands as he talks, marked out in amber light. Tony says, “Friday, take that down,” and the house grabs the image of whatever magic Strange is doing and transmutes it into data, neatly transcribed in cells and manipulable forms for Tony to grab and hold and think about, and Tony grips Strange’s leatherette-and-cape shoulder and says, “Buddy, I could kiss you,” and Strange rolls his eyes but his cape swirls up and pats Tony on the hand in a brush of woolly affection, and Tony doesn’t really think about that because he’s locked into the possibilities and sees a lot of sleepless nights ahead, but that’s okay. He’s got time to think about it, later.
*
Strange won’t give up much info about the rest of his little magic crew. Numbers, attitudes, location. “I am the representative on Earth,” is all he’ll say, and--jeez-us, what a statement.
“I am the representative of the Avengers in Oneida County,” Tony says, in exactly the same tone, and then pauses, flicking armor designs from one ephemeral bin to another. “Shit. Am I? Maybe it’s Steve. Okay. I am the deposed representative of the Avengers in--”
“You’re the one I’m talking to,” Strange says. He’s still sitting in the antique armchair he magicked up for himself, sipping tea. Seriously. Like every single thing he does is for the hashtag-aesthetic. “Mr. Rogers is certainly impressive, but it’s you who has had every actionable idea on streamlining Ms. Maximoff’s abilities. Don’t undercut yourself.”
Tony raises his eyebrows, lowers his hands. “How dare you,” he says, lightly, even if his chest feels--some kind of way. “I have never, in my life, in my entire existence, undercut myself, and in fact I think I’m going to set the StarkTech legal team on you--Friday, call up Pepper, see if we can sue the entirety of the Sanctum Sanctorum and also magic itself, and throw David Bowie in there too--”
Yes, Mister Stark, Friday says from nowhere, lightly amused just like she should be--good girl--and Strange rolls his eyes. “Don’t bring Bowie into this,” he says, mild, and Tony grins and Friday cues up Fame without even needing to be asked.
“Oh, very good choice,” Strange says, looking up at the ceiling, and Tony waves the armor out of existence and says, “Okay, Mister Wizard--dinner, and we’re talking Bowie and we’re talking King Crimson and we’re talking Yes, and you’re putting in an opinion about those star-and-moon pants Page used to wear, let’s go--” and Strange says, “First, they’re incredible; second, only if we’re getting Thai,” and Tony--Tony could just--
*
A bad night. Tony lays on the couch in the lab and hugs a bottle of very good, very rare, very expensive scotch against his ribs, and doesn’t drink it, and wants to. Above he’s had Friday peel away the armor of the ceiling and the sky’s a patchwork quilt of stars. Enough sound baffling and he can’t hear whatever might be going on in the rest of the compound; if Steve and the others are training; if anyone’s even here, but him. It’s peaceful. It sucks.
A swirl of amber. “You look ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well.” Tony shrugs. “Sometimes you get sued by grieving parents for your technology being used in exactly the way you intended and you think, fuck, they sure have a point. And then you want a ham sandwich and no one will get you one. It’s tough.”
He thinks he maybe sounded more bitter than he needed to. He maybe should’ve tried harder. He watches a satellite track across the sky, feels his body. Even now, when he breathes deep, there’s still a twinge where the reactor should be. He wishes sometimes--but it’s stupid. The reactor didn’t make him him. It wasn’t any more accountability than any other pain could’ve been.
There’s a sinking sensation, by his feet. Strange, sitting on the couch. “I could get you a ham sandwich,” he says, quiet. “But I suspect it wouldn’t do the trick.”
“Clever man, Doctor,” Tony says, acid. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to be acid. He imagines--the armor--dissolving slowly, the facemask melting into a broken sizzle of empty gestures. He maybe should’ve had less to drink.
“We are making progress, Tony,” Strange says. “Every day. Time... isn’t always on our side. But we do what we can. That’s all there is. What we can.”
Tony stretches his legs out. His shins bump Strange’s back. He’s not wearing the whole ensemble--cape and leather and whatever the hell. He’s in a sweater, and jeans, and he looks like someone Tony can actually touch. Something that obeys the physics Tony understands. Something real.
He puts the bottle of scotch on the floor. “Maybe a ham sandwich wouldn’t hurt,” he says, finally.
Strange--Stephen--touches his knee, lightly. He smiles at Tony, in the dark. “Mustard?” he says. “I can do whatever you want.”
Tony breathes deep. Settles. He says, “And you better add a pickle, cheapskate,” and feels Stephen squeeze his knee, and feels--well. Some kind of way.
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A Frank Conversation About Selling on Etsy:
So, you have a hobby. Your friends and family LOVE your work and advise: “You should sell your stuff!” Maybe you need some extra income and you hope you can supplement your bank account with a side hustle. So you open an Etsy store, spend hours wording your “About Me” page, upload some pictures, and then you wait for that first sale…annnd…crickets.
This is a scenario that is repeated thousands of times every day. I hear it constantly from disappointed and angry Etsy shop owners. So what do you do? Blame Etsy? Pay money for one of those “opportunists” who promise more sales if you buy in and follow their model with little to no success? Get angry and give up?
This isn’t a post telling you “how to be successful” on Etsy. Rather, it’s a very frank conversation to help with your “expectations” and, yeah, maybe give you a little advice.
Before you open your store answer some very frank questions: Did you do your homework? - Did you go on Etsy and search for items similar to yours? Is the market already saturated? – or do you have a unique item that isn’t available? If there are items similar to yours are they of better quality and workmanship? - or poorer quality than your work? Answering these questions is ESSENTIAL and it will take total HONESTY and objectivity on your part, as well as from your friends and family who are advising you.
The first step is to self-assess your quality of work and your business model, as well as your expectations. The raw truth is, I don’t know ANYONE who has quit their day job and is supporting themselves through their Etsy store – Including ME!!
So let’s talk about each of these topics individually.
DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK:
Whether it’s bath bombs or historical gowns, you have to research your target market. You cannot skip this step!
For example, my daughter recently started a side-hustle making all-natural stain-free bath bombs, sugar scrubs, body butter, and whipped soaps to help with her Bachelor’s degree. Before she began, she purchased items from the most successful company offering bath bombs and tried them out. Turns out, they weren’t the same quality as hers – just mass produced. She researched the pros and cons of bath bombs using the feedback from those in her inner circle. What did they like or dislike about the competitor’s product. The biggest complaint - - they stain the bathtub and they weren’t hydrating! So, taking that feedback she played with her recipe and came up with bath bombs that are not only moisturizing, but DON’T stain the bathtub. She also offers themes and scents inspired by books or movies such as Harry Potter. That’s her hook! That’s what makes HER product stand out.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/NightMareBathandBody?ref=pr2018_faveshops
It’s essential that you do your research before you open an Etsy store - or move to the on-line market in general.
To use historical costuming as an example. Let’s say you bought a slanted riding hat pattern and made yourself a ridding hat to wear at renfaire. You got lots of compliments on your hat and some of your fellow Rennies asked, “Where did you get your hat?” You tell them you made it, and they ask you to make them one. In consequence you decide if “so-and-so” liked my work, maybe I can parlay this into a side hustle? But before you make that leap, have you researched how many 16th Century riding hats are available on Etsy?
Let’s say there are quite a few listings already on Etsy. Let’s say you look up the seller who has the most sales of that particular item. So, how does your work compare? Is your fabric smooth on the base, or are their visible puckers? How is their hand-stitching? – are your stitches as small and even as your competitor? How much are they asking? Be objective! It can be painful to compare your work, but it’s important if you want to be competitive.
Let’s say, your work is passable. Maybe it’s not exactly the same quality as your competitor, but pretty darn good in your opinion, so you decide that your way “in” is to undercut all those who are selling similar items. This is a tactic I see ALL THE TIME. But have you actually calculated your costs? How many hats can you get out of one yard of fabric? How many hats can you make with a yard of trim? Are you buying your bases ready-made, or making your own? How much does it cost for you to make your base versus buying ready-made? How much is the millinery wire you need to use? How much wire do you need to use for one hat?
All these questions are essential to calculate your TRUE costs. In addition, have you factored in the fees Etsy will charge you once a sale is made – to include the actual listing fees, as well as the cost of shipping.
When you undercut your competitors you cheat yourself, and then wonder why you aren’t making a profit! I’m not talking a few dollars. I’m talking about setting your prices so low you are barely making a profit. You say: “But, I’ll raise my prices later after people get to know my work!” Yeah - - I actually did that. BIG MISTAKE! I started off at a competitive price and the orders came pouring in. It felt great! I felt validated. But when I factored in all the extras I was offering that made my work stand out, and was not charging for, guess what happened? When I started charging what my hats and headdresses were actually worth, and factoring in my actual costs, I saw a drop off in sales. Did I lower my prices again? NO! Every bead, every piece of trim, every stitch has value. So does your time!!!! Value your work and value your time. If it is quality it will stand alone among the hundreds of others being sold.
When you value your time and price your items accordingly, you will attract a caliber of customers who recognize the quality of your work. But your work needs to hold up in terms of quality. This is where you will need to be objective. That process can be painful. Trust me, I know!
I randomly run searches on Etsy to gauge what’s selling and what’s not – what’s available, and how they are similar to mine, and how much they are selling it for. What I often find are sewists selling items at ridiculously low costs. So low, in fact, I often wonder how in the world they can justify selling a gown for $200 when fabric and supplies make up 75% or more of their total listing price. I know what fabric costs. I know how many hours it takes to construct that item, and when I see shop owners selling items at ridiculously low prices the first thing I do is check where they are located. Many times they are over-seas sellers. The US dollar is worth more in many countries, but there are HUGE risks buying from over-seas vendors. I’ve heard too many horror stories, and quite frankly their work just doesn’t stand up to my standards for historical accuracy. But that’s another story for another time.
NEVER price your items based on the lowest prices! Figure out your costs, to include your Etsy fees, and pay yourself a FAIR wage. Ignore, the bargain basement over-seas sellers. What you need to be putting your energy toward is honing your skills and making your items truly competitive. If an item is of the highest quality, people will recognize it and they will remember you.
If you cannot self-assess your work honestly and be objective and see where you need to improve, chances are you will be disappointed in the outcome of your shop. Just as important is to VALUE your work. If your work is not the same quality as your biggest competitor, you are setting yourself up to fail. Yes, there is a market for everyone’s work, but here’s the honest truth: Just like you “get what you pay for” you attract a certain caliber of customer by what you charge!
Here’s an example for you! I have a young friend who likes to sew. She made an Outlander costume for her mother for Halloween using the American Duchess pattern. At her mother’s encouragement, she decided to open an Etsy store and she listed the costume she had made for her mother, and set her price at a ridiculously low cost, at least in comparison to mine. A woman who “claimed” to be a reporter purchased an item in January 2019. She ordered a pair of stays and a bodice and skirt. She claimed she wanted to wear it because she was going to “interview” the cast of Outlander. (I called bullsh*t, and her behavior only validated my prediction). My friend followed the same procedure I do, making the stays first and sending them to her, because you need measurements wearing your stays in order to construct the gown and have it fit properly. After multiple messages to the buyer, in which she tried to get the buyer to give her correct measurements, the buyer wasn’t responding, or was avoiding it claiming she was “too busy.” I saw my friend the following AUGUST and the woman still had not complied with her request for proper measurements!! She sent her a picture wearing her stays and expected my friend to figure out her size by the picture!!
My friend asked me for advice on how to handle the situation. With my assistance, we wrote the buyer on Etsy and explained IN DETAIL what she needed and WHY, and informed her that because she had not complied with getting her the specific measurements needed to complete the commission she would place the order on hold until the woman had time to provide her with what she needed. The woman tried to wiggle her way out of the commission after nine months by stating how busy she was in her work, and how she didn’t have a measuring tape and how inconvenient it was for her to find someone to take her measurements, and that maybe my friend should just cancel the order and refund her deposit as she didn’t want to keep “her” waiting. Yeah – Nice try, right?
Well, my friend had used the deposit to purchase fabric and supplies! – Not to mention, after NINE months it was too late to issue a refund. After 60 days PayPal won’t issue a refund.
Come October, two months after she reached out to me for help, my friend was still battling with this woman for the measurements she needed, and the hateful snit complained to Etsy, and then tried to open a dispute with PayPal! She claimed she didn’t believe her deposit had been used for supplies! I instructed my friend to send the woman the unfinished gown and ALL the supplies she’d purchased, stand her ground and NOT issue a refund, and chalk it up as a lesson learned. Bottom line? If this gal really WAS scheduled to interview the Outlander cast, she would have made more of an effort I’m here to tell you! But this client more than likely saw a seller who was just starting out, had only a couple of items in her Etsy store, purchased the costume on the cheap, and then tried to get one over on my friend.
This example is something you need to be prepared to deal with. You will need to be comfortable setting boundaries and being assertive! You need to be able to intuit when someone is trying to scam you, and you also need to know PayPal and Etsy’s policies. One of the mistakes my friend made was taking her conversation off the Etsy site and emailing this client. Communication on Etsy is a pain in the arse, but you CANNOT take your discussion off site! Doing so is against Etsy’s policies. Why? You need a paper trail, so to speak, of your communication. You need to document your conversations in an Etsy thread so that if a dispute is raised, Etsy can review your conversation. In this instance, my friend had documented her difficulties through the Etsy thread and they saw the efforts she had made to gain the client’s compliance and they ruled in my friend’s favor. But this is not always the case!
The moral of the story: If you price your work at bargain basement prices, you will more than likely attract clients JUST like this person. Now that’s not always the case. There are shady people out there, and even if you charge what you’re worth you will find clients who test your patience.
For instance, I had a client order a riding hat from me a few years back. She had a short deadline, so I went to JoAnns and purchased the silk and began construction. After two weeks she tried to cancel the order stating she found a hat to borrow and didn’t need to buy one at this time. I told her it was too late to cancel as I had already purchased fabrics and started construction, so she opened a dispute with PayPal and told them it was a fraudulent purchase! – claiming someone used her PayPal account without her permission. I supplied PayPal with documentation of our conversations, but they ruled in her favor because it fell within their 60-day deadline! It turned out I had another client who wanted a hat in the same color and was the same size, so I went ahead and issued her refund, but I told her that because of her shady behavior I would not accept any commissions from her in the future. She actually had the audacity to become highly insulted that I would refuse any future commissions and actually made ME out to be the bad guy for setting boundaries with a client who had wiggled their way out of a commission by lying!! Yeah…There are some “special” people out there, and it’s all part of working with the public, so be prepared!
I’ve also had people contact me to request I sell them one of my headdresses, but they only wanted the base. They didn’t want me to cover it and decorate it. I’m highly intuitive and I smelled a rat. I knew instinctively that what they wanted was to take my base and replicate my pattern, because I have created my pattern and it’s not for sale - anywhere! Working with the public can make you question the future of mankind, because there are some shady creeps out there with zero integrity. You will need to be prepared to bite the bullet and deal with them if you plan to work in customer service.
IS THE MARKET FLOODED:
There are a TON of historical costumes listed on Etsy. Your first step is to evaluate what’s being offered and judge whether or not you are offering something that is actually needed. When I have an idea or find an item I want to make, the first thing I do is run a search for that item. If there are tons of the same item, here’s where you need to be objective and realistic. What’s going to attract sales to your store if there are dozens and dozens of shops offering the same thing?
I participate in some of the groups Etsy offers just for sellers. We try out new functions offered on Etsy and discuss our experiences as a seller. I hear people complain ALL the time about their items not selling. But let’s get honest. How can you expect to be competitive if your product doesn’t stand out from all the others? What makes yours unique when dozens of sellers are offering the same thing? Lowering the price isn’t a strategy that is recommended. Running sales and promotions are fine, but as we’ve already discussed selling yourself short may only be a temporary boon. It’s just not a sustainable business model. Not when you are selling your items for less than what your supplies and labor costs. Find your niche!
If the market is already flooded, perhaps you might reconsider offering that item or reconsider opening a store all together. Chances are, if you ignore that advice, you will not see any activity in your store. That’s probably not the advice you want to hear, but wouldn’t you rather someone be honest with you?
Also, and you’re gonna hate this one as well – Your family and friends are NOT objective! It’s human nature. What might look great to them, might not attract attention in a larger market. That’s a painful truth.
ARE THE ITEMS SIMILAR TO YOURS BETTER QUALITY?
Being objective is painful, but it’s necessary.
If you’ve decided to press forward and offer items that are already being sold on Etsy, the essential next step is to assess the quality of your work. Before you enter the retail arena, take the necessary time to hone your craft. Quality is the ONLY way you will attract attention when you are offering items that are already flooding the Etsy or on-line market. Again, undercutting costs is not a sustainable business model, so take the time – however long it takes – until your products are comparable and marketable. If your workmanship isn’t on par, then work for the next year or so to hone your skills and find people who can be kindly objective that can counsel you on where or what needs improvement. Don’t take that criticism personally. We all start somewhere. I wish you could see some of my first corsets! God, they were BAD. I mean – REALLY BAD!
One of the things you can do to hone your craft is to AVOID commercial patterns! These commercial patterns are not always historically based – In fact, most are not even close! Some are pretty good but DO YOUR RESEARCH. Read books on costuming. Invest and develop your reference library. Participate in historical groups on social media – hopefully you find those who are inclusive rather than snits who pick apart others’ work, and admins who DON’T participate in the petty drama. Unfortunately, that has not been my experience, so I avoid these groups. But for those who are just starting out, they can be helpful to lurk and absorb information. Ask questions if you participate in groups. BUT be prepared to deal with the costume nazis who hide behind the anonymity of the internet and are hateful and judgmental.
Rather than commercial patterns like Simplicity or McCalls, I recommend you purchase patterns that are more historical. Yes, they are expensive, but you need to invest in your craft and having the proper patterns are just as essential as your equipment. If you cannot tell the difference between Medieval, Elizabethan, Tudor, Rococo, Colonial, Regency, Victorian or Edwardian – You need to start studying! – Starting with underpinnings! There are subtle and not so subtle clothing style differences in each era. Nothing drives me more crazy than Etsy sellers or those on Ebay who buy a commercial pattern that isn’t fit for anything but a Halloween costume, and label it, “Renaissance” when it’s a mish-mosh of colonial and medieval eras. PLEASE, take the time to read and study. Do your due diligence. I have been creating historical costumes professionally since 2012 when I retired early, but I’ve been studying historical clothing since 2001 and I learn something new ALL THE TIME! I push myself and tackle new eras to hone my craft. There will always be someone who knows more than you do. Just keep learning!
I am always available to give feedback, but actually teaching construction techniques over the internet is a challenge for me because I’m generally pressed for time. Watch You Tube tutorials, take sewing lessons, learn how to drape and draft patterns, but along with all of that…Practice…Practice…Practice. I learn something new every time I tackle a new project or venture into a different era.
MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS:
I am busy all year long with commissions, but most of the time we don’t get paid until a commission is complete. I also have expenses such as fees for an upgraded Etsy store, Etsy fees to list items – plus the percentage they take from each sale, as well as website fees – all of which are necessary to get your brand out there.
Aside from operating fees, I have equipment payments – because just ONE of my embroidery machines cost me over $5,000! But you see, my niche is historical embroidery and highly embellished work. I also have material fees, and repair fees on my equipment. You will need a quality sewing machine that is gear driven, rather than belt driven in order to make corsetry and to sew through layers of heavy fabric that you use in historical costuming. I have two embroidery machines, an air threading Serge/overlock machine, and a Juki semi-professional straight stitch sewing machine, as well as a smaller Brother sewing machine that we use for shirts and thinner fabrics when we both need to do machine work. I also have a cutting table with fold out eaves and cabinets that cost me $1200!! All of these tools of the trade costs MONEY. You will also need dress forms in various sizes for both men and women. The cheap ones that are adjustable are too flimsy to hold up to these heavy costumes. Dress forms can cost anywhere from $300 to $1000. If you plan to compete, you need the tools of the trade.
There are hundreds and hundreds of hobbyists who are attempting to use Etsy as a platform to sell historical clothing to supplement their income, but there are VERY few shops that offer quality items with quality workmanship. If your work isn’t a cut above, you will find yourself disappointed when your expectations fall short of reality.
Even though we stay busy all year long, I don’t make enough to support myself just on my costume commissions alone. After my husband passed away in 2009, I was fortunate enough that he left me and the kids financially stable. Without his retirement income (he was a police officer who died as a consequence of his job) I could not pay my monthly bills on my commission income alone. Lalana works three days a week doing hair and works three days a week with me in my design studio. We do this more for the passion and the creative outlet, than we do for the money. Neither of us are rolling in it!
I have had young mothers approach me about advising them on how to do costuming so they can stay home with their kids. First of all, costuming is production work. When you have a deadline to meet your clients aren’t going to understand when your kids are sick or when your husband wants to spend quality time with you, or your house is filthy. Self-employment is NOT the answer to staying at home and earning an income. Unless you have extra household money to invest every month to keep you afloat and purchase supplies while you’re waiting to be paid for a commission, you’ll be working at a deficit.
There is also the issue of taxes. Etsy collects sales taxes on your behalf, but they don’t collect your federal income taxes or state income taxes, if you live in a state like California. Working under the table is a risky endeavor! Do you really want to risk being audited for income you didn’t report? My advice: Just don’t do it!! It’s not worth the risk. So, be prepared to hire a tax specialist to do your taxes every year. You will need to keep good records of all your expenses and income. Every spool of thread, every yard of fabric needs to be accounted for in order for you to have a REAL picture of your profit and loss. The purchase of equipment will help, but there again, you need to be able to afford to pay the monthly payments on equipment loans.
In conclusion, there are more CONS than pros to self-employment and opening an on-line business, not just on Etsy. For me, I found Etsy to provide me more traffic in my store than a high-priced website. Unless you have a website manager that constantly monitors your Search Engine Optimization and other such tech stuff that is beyond my comprehension and skills, you won’t get enough traffic to your website to make the expense worthwhile. This is exactly why I switched my fancy-schmancy website to a “Pattern” website via Etsy. It allows me to keep my domain name, while using Etsy’s platform to funnel traffic through my page. I get about 10,000 hits per month in my Etsy store alone.
The bottom line is that Etsy has worked for me, but it may not be a platform that works for you. There are tons of variables – as I’ve addressed above.
So, before you jump into the pond, make sure you know the temperature and depth of the water! Trust me, you’ll thank me for being honest with you.
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The Great Peanut Butter Controversy of the Second Grade Summer
Virginia rolled over in her bed, poised to jump out when she saw Anjali sleeping on a mat by the bookshelf.
Dr. Rao must have been paged to come in again, she thought and started moving as quietly as possible. The last time she woke Anjali too early, her best friend was grumpy all day and even refused to play in Beediebump.
Because she wanted to be quiet, she pulled out a blue sundress and slipped it on quickly. She decided that it would be okay to skip brushing her hair, too, and just clipped it in a barrette.
She moved slowly through the silent house. She peeked into her parents’ room. Her dad’s side of the bed was empty, and her mother’s head made a dark contrast to the white sheet. Stepping even more carefully, she passed her noisy brother’s silent room. He almost looked cute, clutching the Winnie the Pooh.
Happily, she lifted a kitchen chair carefully and moved it to the counter where Mom stored the bread. She felt like she was already grown up – getting the last of the bread to make her own breakfast of cheese melted on toast with a tart green apple. With even more care, as the stairs could be noisy, she went to the basement where they kept the good TV and called up a science program about rats and how people think. The rats had electrodes in their brains and the thought gave her a delightfully icky shiver.
The announcer had just started talking about different things that happened when the electrodes were placed in different parts of the rats’ brains when she heard noisy little feet overhead followed by the heavier sound of an adult running.
“Trey, don’t you dare climb up on the counter!” Virginia’s mother shouted. The sound of a chair falling in the kitchen without the large thump of a person falling told Virginia that her mother had caught her little brother before he’d gotten up to the cupboard where there was a package of Oreos.
Virginia winced. She knew she should have replaced the chair. She also wished her brother were stealthier. If he were, she could help herself to cookies and blame it on him. But if she snuck any, Mom would notice the cookie count had gone down and no-one would believe it was Trey.
She turned off the TV, came upstairs where her mother poured cereal for her little brother and Anjali. “Did you want some breakfast, Punkin’?”
“I already ate,” Virginia said.
“Did you leave your plate downstairs?” her mother asked.
Virginia made a face and went back to the family room to retrieve the plate. “Can we watch-“
“Nope,” Mom interrupted. “Outside. Behave yourselves and I’ll have a surprise at lunch.”
Virginia and Anjali caught each other’s eyes and then they both glared at Trey. Virginia said, “That means you can’t throw my Frisbee on the roof.”
“You can’t keep me out of Beediebump, either,” Trey said.
Virginia took a breath to reply, when Mom sighed. “Squabbling counts as not behaving. Trey, don’t lose your sister’s stuff. Virginia, he’s allowed in Beediebump, same as you. And Virginia, you and Anjali are not to get your brother spun up. Clear?”
“But what if he’s-“
“No instigating!” Mom said.
“What does instigate mean?” Anjali asked. Mom liked using big words. The kids were always free to ask for a definition.
“Being mean in sneaky ways so that someone loses their temper and retaliates. Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen you both doing it. Now, outside, all three of you, before I sell you to a Renfaire.”
Virginia considered that she’d actually like to spend all of her time dressing up, but said nothing and led the way out into the back yard to Beediebump.
Beediebump was a small copse of trees at the back of their property, bordered by other people’s well-kept yards. The trees and undergrowth made natural little private spaces where Virginia could play as if she were in her own world. The name of the land derived from the sound of her sandal on the root as she swung in her swingset, making a beedie-bump! twanging noise.
“I have an idea,” Anjali said quietly as they went out to the swing set.
“Yeah?”
“Let’s run races with Trey around the house.”
Virginia made a face. She hated running. “Why?”
“No, listen. You run a race with him, but let him win by a little bit. Then I’ll run and beat him. Then you beat him. Then we both let him win. We keep doing that till he’s sick of it.”
“Why?” Virginia asked. “I wanted to finish putting stones around the town square in Beedie Bump.”
Anjali rolled her eyes, “Because he’ll get tired and won’t bug us.”
“Okay,” Virginia agreed.
It worked, but Virginia wasn’t so sure it was worth the price. By lunchtime she was yawning and her stomach growled. But Mom was happy with all of them.
“I loved the way you were playing so nicely with Trey today,” she said, running her hand over Virginia’s head. “Want lunch on the patio or inside?”
“Inside. It’s hot.”
Mom gestured the children inside and handed plates around the kitchen table, looking pleased.
Virginia made a face. “What’s this?”
“I learned how to make bread!” Mom said cheerfully. “It’s just a peanut butter sandwich. Taste it!”
Virginia took a bite. The bread felt all wrong on her teeth and tongue and tasted strange to her. What was worse, the peanut butter had a grainy texture and wasn’t sweet enough. She put the sandwich down and made a face. Looking to her brother, she noticed the same dubious expression.
Emboldened by her hope of solidarity, Virginia burst out, “I don’t like it.”
“Virginia, that’s good homemade bread!” Mom protested.
“I like store bread better. And what’s wrong with the peanut butter?”
“Well, I made that, too,” Mom answered with a note of disappointment in her voice. “The store-bought kind has too much sugar.”
That would explain why this awful stuff isn’t sweet enough.
Mom sighed, “I thought it would be a nice surprise, but-“
“I like it,” Trey said and took a big bite.
Virginia, indignant at her brother’s betrayal, burst out. “Well, this is awful and I want the store bought kind!”
Mom got That Look and said nothing for a minute. Virginia gulped but scowled directly at her. “I won’t eat it.”
“Well, I guess you’re going to have to buy your own bread and peanut butter then,” Mom said quietly.
The three children winced. When Mom got all firm and quiet, the house could be grim for the rest of the day. Virginia, feeling like there was nothing left to lose, burst out, “Mom, that’s silly! I don’t have any money.”
“You can earn it,” Mom said with a grin both tight and harsh. “I’ll even pay you for chores. But you’re going to have to eat that sandwich if you want a deal.”
“Okay,” Virginia said with defiant bravado.
Mom smiled, rooted in a drawer and pulled out a grocery bag. “I’ll pay you a dollar every time you fill one of these bags with sweet gum balls.”
Sweet gum balls were the bane of the household. Dropped from the various sweet gum trees around the yard, the lawn mower chewed them up and scattered them across the yard so it was ugly (which bothered Mom) and you couldn’t go barefoot because it would hurt your foot (which bothered everybody).
Virginia hated picking up the prickly things. You spent forever bent over staring at the dry grass of summer trying to find the things. Sometimes you had to kind of dig them out of the dirt because someone had stepped on them.
The only good thing about them was that if you got enough bags together, Dad would use them in the barbecue pit to make hamburgers, which made everyone happy, as Mom and Dad refused to buy charcoal.
The work was boring, and she couldn’t figure out a way to make it go in any sort of logical system. She tried to get Anjali and Trey to help, but they both refused unless paid, so Virginia saw little point in that. There was no-one to talk to, nothing to read and nothing to think about but how much her back ached from leaning over and how much she hated that weird bread and peanut butter her mother made.
But she picked up three paper grocery bags full that day.
After dinner that night Dad commented with a sigh, “I guess I better go pick up sweet gum balls before I mow the lawn.”
“Virginia did that this afternoon,” Mom commented, watching Dad put his dinner plate in the dishwasher.
“What in the world did she do that you made her do that?” Dad asked.
“I didn’t make her. It was a business transaction,” Mom said. “She didn’t want to eat homemade bread and peanut butter. I told her if she didn’t want to eat what I made, she could buy her own.”
“Good move, Boo,” Dad said quietly and got that kissy look on his face. Virginia left the kitchen.
After her bath that night, Virginia went into the living room where mom sat with her laptop frowning at the screen. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m kinda stumped on what I’m going to write for my blog,” Mom said. “Can I talk about what happened today and about our agreement?”
Mom always asked if she could put personal stuff on her blog.
“I don’t want you to,” Virginia said. “Why do you have to write that, anyway?”
“It’s my job, kiddo. You don’t really want to go to daycare or something, do you?”
“I thought keeping Anjali was your job,” Virginia said.
Mom rubbed her eyes and sighed, “I have a lot of jobs, Punkin’. Where’s Daddy?”
“Getting Trey into his pajamas,” Virginia said. “Can I have a flashlight tonight?”
“If you want to, but I don’t advise reading more than a chapter if you’re going to be working tomorrow,” Mom commented. “Are you?”
“I don’t have enough for a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter yet, do I?”
“Nope, not yet.”
“Then yes. What can I do?”
“Lemme think about it, honey,” Mom said and kissed her.
Virginia got the flashlight out of the drawer in the sideboard, and went to her room. Dad was just kissing all of Trey’s stuffed animals good night and pulling up the blanket. “I’ll be in to kiss you goodnight in a sec, doll baby.”
With a satisfyingly big chapter book in her hand, Virginia climbed into bed. Daddy came in and pulled a chair to the bedside, spinning it around and sitting on it backwards, arms folded across the chair back. “You need to be nicer to your mother, Miss Virginia.”
“I thought you said I’m not supposed to lie,” Virginia said. “That weird bread and homemade peanut butter was gross.”
“You need to learn to be truthful and kind at the same time. It’s what grown-ups do. Don’t take advantage of Mom’s good nature, understand? If that had been my Mom…” Dad trailed off and Virginia winced. Grandma was awfully strict and had a temper.
Virginia nodded silently. Her father kissed her goodnight, and Virginia dove under the covers, happily reading an old story about a girl and her spy route, but deciding she had pushed it far enough for one day and closed the book after the first chapter.
It stopped feeling like summer to Virginia and started to feel like an endless Saturday of garden chores. Anjali didn’t come over because none of her mom’s patients had babies due, so Dr. Rao had been free to take Anjali on a quick trip to the beach.
Virginia cleared clutter away from spots on the dining room table so her mother could take pictures of summer flower arrangements for her blog. She learned to clean a bathroom, and got sent back to finish because she’d left hairs all over the counter. She deadheaded all the withered blooms from the petunias, got sticky all over her hands, and had to wash her hands at the hose outside before her mother would let her come in to lunch. She watered all the flowers in pots on the patio, hefting the heavy watering can because her mother wouldn’t let her use the hose. So she’d dragged it across a plot of Hosta and uprooted half the plants. They were just big leaves, anyway. It’s not like they were pretty flowers or anything!
At the end of the week, Virginia came to her mother and asked her if there were any more chores to do.
“You can if you want, honey, but you’ve earned plenty for what you want,” Mom said, handing her a wrinkled bill.
Virginia had never owned so much money at one time. The paper felt somehow like more than paper – heavy and slick. But it felt like more than that. It felt like possibilities and at the same time felt pitifully small in the face of all the work she had done.
“Can I think about it?” Virginia asked.
“You can always think,” Mom said. “Thinking’s good. But it’s time for us to go to the grocery store. Put that in your pocket. You’re going to need it, right?”
At the store, Trey didn’t want to sit in the shopping cart as he usually did, but insisted on going with Virginia to the bread aisle.
“I’m not buying this for you,” Virginia said. “You wouldn’t even help me pick up sweet gum balls.”
Trey took in a deep breath as if to shout about the unfairness of it, when Mom sighed, “Trey, she can do that if she wants to. Come on and get in the cart. You, Little Red Hen, can go buy your stuff.”
In the bread aisle, Virginia looked at the prices. She wasn’t good at adding up big numbers, but finally figured out that her mother was right. She had a few cents more than a loaf of bread and a jar of their usual peanut butter would cost.
She felt the bill in her pocket and frowned, thinking about the sweet gum balls, her sticky hands and the heavy watering can. The homemade bread? It wasn’t that bad. Certainly not no-play-no-fun-work-all-day bad.
She left the bread aisle and went to find her mother. On the way to the produce section, she passed an aisle with play makeup for little girls. Her mother had always been cool to the idea of her getting any – not quite saying no, but always putting her off. Firmly, Virginia took the kit in hand and went to find her mother and brother.
“I changed my mind,” Virginia said. “I’m getting this.”
“And what are you going to have for lunches?” Mom asked.
“I’ll eat the weird bread,” Virginia said. “I’d rather have this.”
Mom looked more carefully at the makeup kit and winced, muttering, “You would. Well, it’s your money, kiddo. But that’s for dress-up. Understand?”
Virginia agreed, full of satisfaction as she paid for the makeup kit with her own money. At home, she carefully put the change in her ballerina jewelry box, and arranged the make-up on her dresser, feeling more grown-up than ever to have earned the money for it herself.
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I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.
ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.
So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.
Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:
1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)
2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope
3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.
4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.
So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult.
It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it.
Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.
(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.
So.
Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life.
However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.
The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us.
Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.
This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.
It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.
We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.
He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?
My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.
(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there.
Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)
During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.
The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too.
He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.
This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.
This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?
FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.
JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.
so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.
Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.
#just another mission#jam#demyrie writes#personal#abuse#stalking#emotional manipulation#i would say p/edophilia but this site doesnt know what that means and this isnt it either so how about abuse of a minor#recovery#mental health#suicidal ideation#triggers#Anonymous
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War in the Chessfields
I have realized that, no matter how busy my life gets (guys, guuuuuyzzz, it’s Night of the Nocturne right now and I could be searching for Strange Chests that might contain the new Smirch gene!), I really need to get farther along in Homestuck because it’s starting to creep into mainstream politics. (He was told about Homestuck, and then he started reading it.) Also, Chibipaw says there is “good stuff’ coming up soon (that’s as much detail as my anti-spoiler policy allows) and I need to hurry up and get to it.
So... where did I leave off? Oh yeah. NinjaJade had taken out the wearer of my future cosplay project, but had missed PM sailing off into the sunset (moonset? Prospitset? Do they even have a sun on these planet-things?), so she’ll have to get the ring back to her later. To expediate that, Jade marries herself.
Oh wait. The four dots. Agh. I mean, aside from being equally spaced in a way that would make them endlessly annoying to wear, they... they may signify the four fingers. Homestuckians have four-fingered hands. I’m not sure if I’ve noticed this before.
Jade is immediately overwhelmed with the Spirit of the Ring: she gains wings, a tri-pointy hat with horns, tentacles, and a fake through-the-body sword. So... an amalgam of all the sprite encodings so far.
Next panel, turns out she was only thinking that happened. It doesn’t work that way on humans.
Elsewhere (dammit, I should’ve stuck with the last post a few more panels so the POV shift happened at the beginning) we have yet another WV. This one is WARWEARY VILLEIN who is either an animated stick-man, or is waving a stick on a banner: crossed beams, ragged red-and-purple robes and a white sash. He/it has a bucket on its head with the familiar Sburb spirograph.
Next up (aagh) is something with flash and sound. This is probably the Cool Thing Coming Up Soon that Chibi told me about. eep. Flash takes forever.
WV is being told to “Rise Up,” which is probably not supposed to make me think of Hamilton as this was written several years ago. But those words are gonna be attached to that song for a long time.
I click to the next screen. I am faced with this:
And I remember two things: (1) Firefox always thinks Flash is out of date, because every time Firefox updates ANYTHING, it decides Flash is out of date. My Firefox is a couple of editions behind (I’m not “updating” to Quantum that will kill several of my beloved extensions), so I’m going to see this A LOT. Sigh.
And (2) aaaaagh my laptop does not have a “print screen” button. It had a “print screen” macro that stopped working. (I have an Alienware laptop. WHODAFUK decided that a gaming laptop didn’t need a “print screen” button? Like, is that now an obscure and rare function? I STILL HAVE A CAPSLOCK BUTTON. I DO NOT NEED A CAPSLOCK BUTTON; CAN I REPLACE IT WITH PRTSCRN? (I typed that without using the capslock button, because remembering to un-capslock is always worse than just holding the shift button with my left pinky and using the wrong finger for “A”, and I guess “q” and “z” but those don’t come up as often.)
Quick check to the Alien “TactX” command center... huh. Print Screen is working now. It wasn’t last week. Yay, I guess? (Someday, I will once again have a boyfriend who speaks fluent Linux, and this time, I will get him to TEACH IT TO ME and I will defenestrate my laptop.) Anyway. Here we go.
3x3 chessboard; the kings move a bit, and then run into each other and the whole thing turns white silhouette. This means this is a meta-story-thing, related to the previous Grand Chessboard event, which I have mostly forgotten. (I have the link saved, though, so I can watch it again anytime. It’s on my schedule. “1. Run out of Stucky and Stony fanfic. 2. Rewatch Homestuck chess scene.” Blame dsudis for the delay.)
Clownsprite image appears. Chess pieces keep moving in the background. I have to screencap several times to get a good picture of the chess pieces (sometimes there’s only one visible) and the sprite with the pretty shade of aqua in the middle instead of white. I’m sure you’re all thrilled that I’m focused on the important parts of the story.
Next, he flickers and I fail to s’cap the transition between that and the full-layout chess set.
Please, someone tell me that someone makes these chess sets. That several people make these chess sets. Tell me the are sold with the label, “This Is A Chess Set, Not A Collection Of Marital Aids. We Promise.”
Birdsprite appears. (At least, I think that’s birdsprite.) Oh wait, no, that’s catsprite in the princess outfit. It is lavender, Rose’s color. Or one of them. Does that mean the davesprite will be red? (Do I really need to screencap all of these? Probably not, but this is as much for my entertainment as anything else. Also, I want to be able to reread them and figure out what I was thinking.) I considered re-trying to catch one with a darker purple circle or other higher contrast, and decided not to bother.
The music seems nice enough, what I can hear of it before I hit stop so I can screencap. (If you’re new - various suggestions have been made on how to deal with the Flash bits in ways that aren’t “stop & screengrab every couple of seconds.” I have nixed all of them. I enjoy doing this one fragmented piece at a time.)
And then the scene changes: the board is replaced with a WHOLE PLANET BOARD.
Rose and John’s sprites are in the upper corners, starting with top right and moving widdershins. Widdershins is a destructive direction; they are unmaking the world. (Erm. As obscure as Hussie gets sometimes, I have doubts that that particular bit of symbolism applies here.)
Aaaand here comes the davebirdswordsprite. Orange, not red.
Davesprite tucks away into the bottom left corner, continuing widdershins, and the cubeworld backs off or is replaced by a round world, very bright and faint, with VERY BRIGHT FLASHING blue lines around it. (Same blue lines as above. They just got brighter.) Then the planet darkens (this is what happens when you stop the Flash every second or two; you wind up giving far too much import to transition scenes.)
Imma make a prediction: Jadesprite is due to make an appearance. (Does Jade have a sprite yet? Something with a pumpkin?)
BUT NO! The world gets bigger, moves closer, until it FILLS THE WHOLE SCREEN! Then it fades out to white, and gradually (well, gradually if you’re stopping every time something moves or flickers), we get a new scene:
Aww, the rolling hills of Chesslandia, with its famed pixeltrees. We float over the landscape until we reach the castle. (Or maybe, “a castle.” I dunno. Maybe there are hundreds of castles in Chesslandia.) The pixelgrass fields bring color to the landscape, and a couple of pixelfolk play hide-and-seek in the tall grass near the aqua river.
Well, it’s got a turret and banners, and that kinda says “castle,” along with the whole, y’know, chess kings & queens motif, but that looks kinda small for a castle. Also rather isolated. Why build a castle if there’s nothing near it to defend? I see that there are people, but no town. Is the castle all that remains? Am I looking upon the desolate post-apocalyptic wasteland of Chesslandia?
We pass the people and zoom in, seeing the yellow banner waving madly in the gale-force breezes near the castle turret. This is, apparently, to introduce the army of Chesslandia, because the scene whites out again, and then switches to the marching hordes.
I am probably not supposed to think their little ± symbol reminds me of a leviathan cross, a.k.a. the Satanic cross. (Hey, if I make a CD cosplay outfit, can I have a purple banner with a pentagonal ± symbol on it? Or is he not part of this army?)
Then we pull back to see the huge crowd of them, and they fade, and a different banner fades in: this one is purple - and behind it is a yellow-clad army.
AAAH! The yellow flag is for Prospit, and that’s the Dersian army marching on it. And the purple banner here is Derse, and the Prospit army - complete with the same ± symbol - is marching. Here, have some Prospit army:
This isn’t because you need the picture, but because I captured the flash at that point so I can watch them marching and waving weapons, with the sky flickering in the background. It’s very soothing. Wish I could capture it as a gif.
And then... FIGHT! Armies meet on the battlefield! Sparks fly from their blades, which are apparently made from different metals. They both wear stripey shirts and chessboard tabards, of different color combos.
Guys. Gals. Whatever. Readers. I have been cheated. I thought Homestuck cosplay was limited to “t-shirts with a zodiac symbol + horns & weird sunglasses,” or “one of these four kids (also t-shirt with symbol).” There is AWESOME cosplay opportunities in this series. Nobody told me.
I mean, they told me about the tentibulges, because my friends know where my interests lie (or squirm, as the case may be), but even the friends who knew I’d done 6+ years of RenFaire didn’t bother telling me, “omg you should see the amazing costume options, and also, they wouldn’t be impossible to make!”
(I mean, I’ve looked into WV’s costume, but it looks difficult and too hot to wear at most conventions.) (See how I focus on the important parts of the story?)
Spaceship takedown attempt. Or maybe this is a drop ship. Looks like there are many such ships. Anyway, we see battles, and it pulls back to show the larger scene, and the horrors of war:
Well, the horrors of neon, purple-vs-yellow war. ... Is that a giant horse shadow with tentacles on its back?
Why, yes it is. Knight vs... King? Queen? We’re back to the chessboard, with only a tiny hint of a pixeltree in the corner to let you know this is the large-scale war happening above the ground. Then we get this:
I’m not sure what’s going on here, but they’re too cute to pass up. There are 9 little fellows, so they’re not “pawns.” Then a giant black chesspiece stomps into the center of them and they fall aside, scattering (I didn’t catch that picture), and then... the WV banner thingie is raised again.
That makes it seem like we’re wrapping up this storything, because that’s the image that we started on. It slowly pulls back to show an empty Chesslandia with a flower stand, waving a red banner.
The pixelgrass has return to the fields, although the pixeltrees have not. Or maybe they just don’t grow here.
AAuugghhh nooo... that was a picture of the past. Now, the lovely flowerstand is in ruins; fire everywhere, and a lone derseling wanders the war-ravaged fields of Chesslandia. :( We pull in tight to his grief-stricken, bleak expression (don’t ask how I can identify that from two white dots on a black circle; I just can) and then he (or she) oversees the huge battle on the fields below.
Woe. Woe has come to Chesslandia. Woe, and fire. Woe, and fire, and pixels.
Zir face is shadowed by woe and fire and pixels.
Zie is not looking nearly as woeful in this image. Hrrm. Then we see the Black Queen rise...
Then we zoom in again, this time to the scepter, which is full of clouds and the spirography thing:
This is all getting a little too “Men in Black,” with the world in a marble and all that. Are we going to zoom into the scepter again, to the center of the spirography symbol, and find ourselves moving into John’s balcony?
Well, no. We do zoom in, into the world and the cubeworld and such, but we get a black-and-white image of something shadowy flying over Chesslandia.
We zoom in again, and we see... not Spades Slick, despite the cut on the eye. That other character with the same appearance.
It flies with malice (don’t ask me how I can identify malice from that), but is faced with a lone Dersian defender:
We cut back to the war on the ground, the clashing swords and all that, but the combatants move aside. And this had better wrap up pretty quickly, because my printscreen macro just stopped working. (WTF? If anyone knows how to give advice on this, plz contact me.) Anyway. They move aside, and then snap into line.
Our lone Dersite with the tattered red banner leads them through the pixeltrees toward a set of checkered ruins.
Elsewhere, PM lands, and notices the missing ring. White Queen is not happy. There’s another huge scepter waving. White Queen flashes white all over, and shrinks - and hands the scepter to PM.
Looks like PM is in line to be the new WQ. However, the handoff is spotted by someone who is Definitely Not A Member Of The Midnight Crew.
Meanwhile, the Dersite hordes march to confront the Black Queen. Our purple-robed hero(ine) glares, and then looks upward, sees the flying not-a-bird person overhead. The Spadesy-person waves a swords and slices through the black scepter.
(I think I figured out the screencap problem. It won’t work if I have the Flash selected. Which is stupid. Really stupid.)
Black queen, missing her scepter and its four spinny baubles, also shrinks.
Heartsy spy leaps out and attacks the new white queen. (Gonna knock her into next week. This is a problem, because next week is a massive international holiday and it’ll be hard to find time to liveblog.) White scepter goes flying over a waterfall.
We see, inside the white scepter, the purple-robed defender, and it pulls back to see the world, and then the scepter itself, which lands by the banks of the aqua river surrounded by pixelgrass.
(That picture’s superfluous; it’s not relevant to the story. It’s here becaue I think it’s pretty.)
Aaand now I should watch it again and get a sense of the whole story instead of stopping every two seconds to ponder the meaning of each cut scene.
***
Two minutes and 15 seconds of flash that takes me an hour and a half to write about, all the while worrying that Tumblr’s going to have some weird hiccup and lose the whole thing.
So: back queen dead; white queen deposed by losing her marbles; new manager of each; war possibly stopped at the moment. White scepter maybe recoverable and could be combined with Jade’s ring to fix it. Black scepter broken; would need something else to fix. (Superglue?)
Jade has not yet entered the chessgame at the macro level. Jade needs to install Sburb and get into the game.
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WEEKLY RP PROMPT 2
It's summer, and that means blockbuster season has officially hit! The latest in troll Star Wars (The Second in the Trilogy of the Story In Which A Young Troll Fights a False Empire to Restore The Old Republic) now has a date. The sequel to the prize-winning Aquatic Horrorterrors Ascend to Consume the Planet and are Valiantly Fought by Mechanical Hoofbeasts has just been released. The Fleetside Entertainer’s Guild is hard at work to entertain the masses, but there's been an error this half-sweep. The latest piece of not one, but two major rainbow-drinker franchises have just been released, and the planet is going absolutely mad.
Every theatre, minor and major, is featuring JOURNALS OF AN IMMORTAL ANCESTRAL RAINBOWDRINKER, or the latest TROLL TWILIGHT. Every news network is covering them. Social media is filled with brawls between TEAM LESTAT and TEAM EDWARD, and worse yet, every FLARPing convention is suffering from a sudden surplus of players sporting fake fangs and jade. Have your trolls been caught up in the chaos? Do they have opinions, or are they just waiting for the madness to end?
ID: quick someone fill me in on what a lestat is.
SA: a character of significant rainbow drinker fiction.
ID: and why people are fucking fighting over it- oh.
SA: hadean did you know google can be your friend too.
SA: because it can.
SA: just as it is my friend.
SA: 😃
ID: pris i could smack your smartmouth off of you sometimes. =:P
WC: ~(He's a drinker who's not quite up to the times) WC: ~(Really quite handsome~!)
ID: it's called starting a conversation.
SA: ❤
SA: Oh, do you read the series, WC?
WC: ~(And then Edward is uh) WC: ~(Creepy ^^)
ID: is edward his mate or.
ID: his kismesis maybe?
WC: ~(I've seen the movies, but I don't have much time to read I'm afraid ono)
WC: ~(No, Edward is a different series entirely)
ID: how many rainbowdrinker series do we need. =:I
WC: ~(Though the author of Lestat's saga keeps having people culled for writing stories about it)
SA: until everyone has their unsettling fly by night romances fulfilled.
ID: hahahah woowwww.
SA: that's horrific.
WC: ~(Come to think of it I think she may have also joined the church........)
WC: ~(A sad end to a good looking drinker story (─n─) )
SA: they... joined the church...
WC: ~(Uh huh)
WC: ~(It was weird)
ID: figures.
ID: you'd think rainbowdrinkers would be considered overplayed by now.
WC: ~(And then the Edward series author is also kind of insane) WC: ~(But at least she doesn't cull people for fanfiction)
SA: Didn't her series inspire 50 shades.
WC: ~(Surprisingly they're not) WC: ~(But then again, they DO tend to be kind of pretty)
WC: ~(WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT)
SA: oh.
SA: okay.
WC: ~(>-< !!!!!!!)
ID: i mean. they're not all pretty.
SA: i see it is a source of agony for you. Ia pologize.
ID: some of them look like. nosferatu.
WC: ~(Have you ever seen a drinker in a movie that wasn't super hot) WC: ~(People are very biased towards the pretty)
WC: ~(Well, more recent movies) WC: ~(They used to be quite a bit scarier looking!)
ID: i think the older movies depicted them more accurately.
WC: ~(Then everyone wanted the dark and brooding trolls apparently)
WC: ~(Troll Edward also watches people while they sleep) WC: ~(Ugh)
WC: ~(I'd beat someone with a wrench for that.......)
SA: Oh like me.
ID: that's fucking sketchy as fuck.
ID: ...
SA: I assocate with this character already.
SA: I am joking
ID: pris.
SA: it is a joke.
WC: ~(Are you going to watch me while I sleep SA)
ID: oh.
ID: you're a hard one to read sometimes pris.
SA: But not always, and that's just enough for me to not be immensely unsettling 24/7.
SA: No, I will not watch you sleep, WC.
WC: ~(Well, I'll just inform ID we have company then ~u^)
WC: ~(Uh) WC: ~(The not Hadean ID) WC: ~(Man that's still so weird)
ID: ahahah i guess i fit in even wearing em's shirt now. everyone is wearing jade it seems like.
ID: yeah, well. i'm not changing my tag. =:P
WC: ~(Oh, please don't! It's quite nice!)
WC: ~(It just feels weird because ID hates being called by his name so he's just ID)
SA: what a strange thing to be bothered by.
SA: 😦
ID: oh. well, my name rocks so. call me by it all you want.
WC: ~(It just takes some getting used to)
SA: yes. if you want bonus points, make sure you call him professor hadeon.
WC: ~(Your name does rock, I agree)
WC: ~(Professor?)
SA: much like gliese is the dean of clown university.
WC: ~(Oh my god what)
ID: hahahah here we go.
SA: I have orange juice and i have never been better right now.
WC: ~(Is it orange juice or orange faygo)
SA: it's orange juice because faygo is for plebians.
WC: ~(Because you're sounding like quite the mirthful posterchild)
SA: a yellowblood associating with the cult would be a deathwish.
WC: ~(Faygo is for plebians) WC: ~(I think we're going to get along well ^^)
ID: faygo tastes like plastic and regrets so.
SA: fanta is much better.
WC: ~(It tastes like pure sugar)
WC: ~(Now Tab on the other hand)
ID: the fuck is a fanta.
WC: ~(I take it you haven't seen the commercials)
ID: i don't watch stuff.
SA: They are very catchy.
SA: isn't tab just a knockoff.
WC: ~ (https://youtu.be/F614uU3DsqM?t=14s)
WC: ~(For some reason I could only find one in a different language?)
SA: las fantas son muy divertida.
ID: so that's why you like fanta, huh pris? =:P
SA: No, that's not at all why I like fanta.
WC: ~(Hehe if you say so!) WC: ~(I don't speak whatever language that is I'm afraid)
WC: ~(Fanta is alright, but it's a bit too fruity for me)
SA: strawberry is the best.
SA: also why did you say it like that, Hadean...
ID: it was a joke pris.
SA: are you implying i am attracted to lowbloods in skanty clothes singing about sugary drinks.
SA: if so the answer is yes.
WC: ~(Oh my!)
SA: (the answer is actually no)
WC: ~(Scandalous!)
ID: pffttt.
ID: i don't drink soda. i just drink water.
SA: You could be a fanta singer in your renfaire outfit.
SA: Nothing else? just water?
WC: ~(I did see chainmail bikinis there) WC ~(So anything is possible!)
WC: ~(Chainmail bikinis.......why.........)
ID: ah yes. my dreams of being a face for a soda company will come true.
ID: i mean. water is free.
ID: and i have yet to find a soda river to drink out of.
SA: you can't just... drink river water.
SA: it could have the ecol.i s.
ID: look at me. drinking river water.
ID: and rain barrel water.
SA: I am going to strangle you.
ID: and sometimes puddles.
SA: oh, chainmail bikinis. My favorite is the leia outfit. I see that a lot at inappropriate times.
WC: ~(I wonder what the blueprints for a homebrew water purifier would look like)
WC: ~(Hmmmm)
SA: Hadean >:'(
WC: ~(Well I know what I'm doing tonight, thanks for the idea~)
ID: anytime i guess.
SA: they make tabs for it, too.
ID: when you're thirsty water is water pris.
ID: bugs in it is just. extra protein. =:P
ID: and dirt is minerals!
WC: ~(I suppose there's worse things in the world than dirty water)
WC: ~(Where do you live?)
ID: i travel. so. everywhere.
WC: ~(Oooh exciting!)
WC: ~(I travel too! But not very often. I'm busy a lot!)
WC: ~(What's your favorite place you've been so far?)
ID: uhhh. found a really pretty waterfall once. looked like it came out of a fucking painting. spent a while there, plenty of stuff to eat around there. that was probably my favorite. nice and empty.
WC: ~(Oh that sounds wonderful) WC: ~(Where was it?)
ID: i don't really do maps. so.... way far east.
SA: what is it you do, WC? SA: do you have any photos, Hadean/
WC: ~(Hmmmm) WC: ~(Time to do some exploring next time I'm out there!)
WC: ~(I work with machines)
ID: i dunno, i'd have to look around and get back to you pris. what sort of machines?
WC: ~(Building, blueprints, parts transfer) WC: ~(All that good stuff)
WC: ~(Anything, really. But my pride and joy is my ship. I built it with my own two hands)
SA: A ship?
SA: as in, for water or air or space.
WC: ~(Yep! It runs on steam with a power core backup)
WC: ~(The air)
SA: hmm.
ID: neat.
ID: as long as ti never crashes i mean.
WC: ~(I'd need a lot more material for a spaceship) WC: ~(Plus, there's the issue of working on the oxygen systems) WC: ~(I haven't figured that one out yet)
WC: ~(It's never crashed yet!)
WC: ~(That's how I get from place to place when I'm going far away)
ID: i see. i usually just ride my lusus.
WC: ~(Mine is a bit too ornery to be ridden. She'll throw you right off if she feels like it.) WC: ~(What is your lusus?)
ID: big horned hoofbeast.
WC: ~(!!!)
WC: ~(Cute!)
WC: ~( (˙❀‿❀˙))
ID: he's pretty cute, yeah.
WC: ~(Does he ever do that thing) WC: ~(Where he bumps you with his nose)
SA: do.. domestic animals do that/
WC: ~(Sure!)
WC: ~(All the time!)
WC: ~(It's how they get attention)
ID: when he wants me to scratch him or shit, yeah.
ID: or he'll just rub his head on me.
WC: ~(That's precious and I love your lusus)
WC: ~(SA, are you not around domestic animals often? :( )
SA: Oh, cats sometimes rub their heads on ankles.
SA: No, not really.
WC: ~(My Paintball does that all the time) WC: ~(He'll just rub my legs and sometimes try to trip me) WC: ~(He's adorable)
SA: I want to meet... your lusus, Hadean. Horned hoofbeast is not specific enough.
SA: I wish I could have a cat, but unfortunately.
SA: Is paintball a cat?
WC: ~(Yep~)
ID: well come by and you can meet him. bring him an apple and he'll be your friend forever.
WC: ~(ID and my other friend were covered in paint when they brought him in) WC: ~(And they had apparently been involved in a paintball war and got him out of a tree) WC: ~(So they say ;P) WC: ~(And now he's mine and I love him)
WC: ~(I can send you pictures of mine if you'd like SA)
SA: Oh, right, I'm on my way to pick up your flowers again.
SA: Please do.
SA: I love cats.
ID: sweet. do i get sushi too.
WC: ~(https://gyazo.com/e8c8dd919483d303548908110ca0d8d9)
WC: ~(Lookit!)
SA: I need six.
SA: yes, i will bring you a sushi plate.
WC: ~(If I see any kitten adoption boxes, I'll tell you!)
SA: thank you.
RS: | Oh | Are You Delivering Sushi | ? | =:P |
SA: to Hadean, yes.
SA: Oh, i left his bouqet on your patio. I apologize.
ID: i'm probably gonna clear out of this hotel room soon pris, so. we can meet up somewhere.
RS: | Oh | That's Fine | I Saw | and Put It In Water | So | RS: | They should be Healthy Enough |
SA: thank you, Pheres.
SA: Where will we meet?
ID: where ever you want pris, name the place and i'll probably find it.
SA: mmm...
SA: Let's meet near the blue section of the fair. There is lemonade I would like to try before I go.
SA: I will see you soon then?
ID: got it, lemonade at the blue circle. try not to fall asleep. =:P
SA: I am wide awake for once, thankfully.
SA: ! here is my daily exclaimation point to prove it.
ID: well damn, can't argue that logic.
ID: sushi is weird. edible, but weird.
SA: it helps if you put soy sauce on the one with just salmon and rice.
SA: hello I'm back at my hotel
DD: wait are you putting soy sauce on sushi or just rice salmon DD: because i love sushi but ive never really had a chance to try it above water and its a little hard to find it around here now that im in the desert! DD: and i guess before i mostly ate it underwater and you can imagine how trying to put a liquid condiment on anything works in that context!
DD: besides soy sauce is salty and the ocean is already all about that
ID: ....uh yeah it's sushi. why are you in the desert. that seems like the worst place for a fish.
SA: sashimi, I believe. I'm sorry you aren't able to get it where you are. Maybe if you find a city?
ID: what the fuck is sashimi.
SA: soy sauce has flabor
RS: | Fish | ! |
DD: im in a city! DD: or i guess its more like a town because i guess its pretty quaint DD: im not sure how big cities have to be but there arent even any sky scrapers here!
RS: | | I Assume | ? | =:? |
SA: no, I'm stupid. It's nigiri 🍣
DD: and the ocean has flavor too but i guess the flavor is mostly called fish excrement which sounds a lot less appealing than soy sauce
ID: what the fuck is a nigiri.
DD: though i guess i dont know what soy sauce is made of either
SA: 🍣 the little fish slices with rice on the platter I brought you
ID: ...hah. soy sauce is made out of. soy?
DD: thats called nigiri yes!
DD: soy what though?? DD: like those little cubes of fake meat i heard those are soy too
SA: a big city would be much better for fish, yes. You should try to find a port. That would be the best place.
DD: though i dont see why you would want fake meat when you can just have some nice fish
ID: so they. all have their own name? that seems confusing.
DD: i thought i was going to be in a port!!! DD: its CALLED port mina
SA: yes. Sashimi is just fish. Fresh. Nigiri is fresh fish sliced with rice.
DD: but its just desert everywhere!
ID: heyyy port port.
SA: sushi is. Sushi
SA; why do you keep calling it port port...
DD: and SA thats like saying sandwiches are sandwiches!
SA: that sounds. Horrid
DD: like sure theyre all sandwiches but its not like a fish salad sandwich is the same as a cheeseburger!
ID: mina means port or whatever.
ID: so the name means port port.
DD: wait really? DD: i thought it was like
DD: mina meenah condesce
ID: i don't know. i think i remembered right.
DD: and maybe they just didnt know how to spell
ID: i mean. why would you name a lowblood town after the condesce.
II: To honor her, presumably.
II: But perhaps it's just a coincidence.
DD: well its not really entirely a lowblood town! DD: i just met up with the nicest blueblood banker they complimented my bow! DD: and yes of course theres no need to restrict honoring our lovely sovereign to specific castes!
DD: regardless i will be one very happy travelor if i find myself some sushi as unlikely as that is! DD: i miss eel
DD: eel is the best
II: ...goodness, I just looked up that town, what on Alternia are you doing in the desert, sovereign?
DD: especially acid-fried
II: Are you lost?
ID: congrats you met the most boring of the three bluebloods there i think.
DD: ... do you think i could order some of that to go?
DD: do they deliver to deserts?
ID: assume probably not.
II: Haha! I don't think anyone delivers that far.
DD: and of course im not lost! DD: im on vacation exactly where i need to be! DD: a working vacation i guess haha because im still working but regardless its all very sanctioned and work-related
DD: just some company troubles is all
DD: and oh really?
DD: ... not even if you pay them a lot?
ID: ...what are you working on in a lowblood town.
DD: i gave myself cravings 😢
II: Oh, well. That makes sense. But it does seem potentially bad for your health.
II: I hope you don't dry out.
ID: and i mean. they can try but by the time they get to you it'd be gross probs.
DD: fancy, fancy things that i cant tell you about for reasons related to nondisclosure agreements and also the integrity of my company! DD: but mostly starship things
DD: theres a helmstraining facility out here!
DD: theyre very helpful in that regard
ID: yeahhh there sure is.
II: Oh, a helm facility? Fascinating.
SA: helmstraining facility... in port Mina.
SA: unpleasant.
II: Oh, I see now. Station 11, is that right?
DD: well no not strictly in the city but the city (town??) is the closest place to
DD: yes station 11!!!
RS: | Oh | Don't Say That | Haha | RS: | Ah | We've got People Who Work There on Here | RS: | They would be | Distressed |
DD: the closest place to station 11 with you know beds and showers and things like that
ID: don't fret about it pris.
ID: i think the station mostly keeps to itself.
DD: and oh dear why is that unpleasant? DD: much more pleasant than requiring the poor locals to travel all the way out to where *Ii usually live!!
SA: I'm not fretting but after what Gliese said about the area I am surprised there would be one there.
SA: I am only concerned about the imperial hunters.
SA: and they are preoccupied right now.
ID: it's why gliese is there pris. now hush up.
DD: um!
DD: the what now?
SA: 🤷♀️ nothing
II: Imperial hunters? What, like legislacerators?
DD: wow that is all very suspicious
ID: the folks he works for sometimes, chillax.
DD: but also in that kind of edgy way people our age use when they want to be cool
SA: I don't want to he cool, thank you.
DD: so i will go ahead and buy in and i assure you im very impressed!!
II: Oh, don't be unkind, DD.
II: I'd say we don't have enough information to assume that.
DD: im not being unkind! DD: ... a little bit too forward maybe! DD: my apologies i was being entirely sincere!
SA: 🙄
II: Conclusions without cause and all.
ID: pris finds stuff, it's his job.
II: I for one am intrigued.
DD: thats a very generalized job description? DD: what kinds of things do you find? DD: lost items? DD: items that are lost after you find them? DD: fears?
DD: i read the most interesting story once about a psionic
ID: whatever he gets paid to find, duh.
DD: her powers were that she could find anything! and of course the writer write the trickiest plot twist DD: she eventually defeated her greatest enemy by finding his greatest fear!
SA: people, usually.
II: ...That sounds more like an empath's ability.
DD: and oh alright thats sensical of course i was just trying to inject some DRAMA into it
SA: yes. Much more empathetic
DD: well she could find items too!
SA: empaths can also detect an emotion attached to an item
ID: op main character please nerf.
II: I don't think this person had much experience of actual psiionics, abilities don't often intersect like that.
SA: 🤷♀️ sounds op to me 😂
DD: well i suppose so DD: i believe the writer was jade DD: i dont suppose they get out much to see anybody when theyve got all those cavern duties and such!
DD: and what does that mean SA?
II: Overpowered.
DD: the emotions i mean!
ID: typical highbloods writing about junk they know nothing about.
ID: uh.
DD: er
II: Oh, I think SA is amused.
ID: team edward or team lestat.
DD: no i mean
DD: oh goodness this chat moves quickly
DD: what does it mean that items have emotions attached to them?
SA: yes. I'm amused.
DD: and also team edward
SA: lets go with that.
DD: definitely edward
II: ...what
DD: also also i dont think a jadeblood really qualifies for a highblood haha
II: What are we even talking about now
RS: | ! | ! | Why Edward | ? |
DD: theyre just barely halfway!
II: Who are these trolls
ID: i'm rust, everything is high. =:P
II: Lestat and Edward
ID: man ii, get with the movies.
II: I'm usually too busy to go to the cinema, alas.
DD: well hes so romantic isnt he rs??? DD: he goes so far to show his dedication to his matesprit and oh
DD: i would love to have a matesprit that loves me that much
DD: sigh
RS: | It is a Delightful Media Chain | II | ! | RS: | Or | Er | Two |
SA: watching them sleep?
DD: (i would also love to have some smoked eel but i suppose we cant always get what we want)
SA: who are we talking about.
RS: | And | Oh | Haha | RS: | Yes | He is Rather Romantic | But | RS: | Isn't Lestat Moreso | ? |
RS: | Consider | His Dedication | ! |
SA: I thought Lestat was an utter prick
DD: to protect them!! DD: and because he just cant keep himself away DD: he is enamored
II: ...that sounds frankly disturbing, is this movie supposed to be a PSA about what to avoid in quadrants?
SA: perhaps.
DD: what no of course not!!!
SA: have you heard of its sequel? Fifty shades?
SA: 😂
DD: have you never considered that a quadrant might need protection??
II: Oh, _that._ I only know it because the firm gossiped about it.
II: It sounds dreadful.
DD: and oh my goodness DD: somebody lent me that book once!
DD: i er
DD: did not expect it to be about that kind of thing!
II: Any quadrant of mine would be quite capable of protecting themselves, without me having to _stare_ at them during the day, goodness.
ID: 50 shades, some dumb little rust gets manipulated to fuck by a highblood. unhealthy as fuck from the reviews i'm reading.
II: Truly atrocious, I agree, ID.
DD: well im sure he wasnt just sitting there staring at them the whole time that sounds awfully boring
RS: | Oh | But | II | ! |
DD: thats not the way its meant to be read and really i think youre extrapolating an awful lot from that scene!
RS: | It's not about |- NEEDING -| to Watch Them throughout the Day |
RS: | It is a Testament to the Strength of His Pity | that He would Choose to Do So |
DD: its about the dedication it takes to
DD: yes!
DD: he loves them!
SA: we found someone more idealistic than me
RS: | It's Really Quite Romantic |
sA: I am so pleased
II: ...It sounds like a frank waste of time and like he doesn't trust them.
II: Which is incredibly troubling.
ID: seems fucking intrusive and creepy to me.
DD: really! DD: you lot are making an awful lot of assumptions about the nature of a relationship especially you II given you havent even read the novel!
RS: | Haha | Well | RS: | Passion often Does Seem Unsettling to the Less Romantic of Us | =:P |
II: At this point I don't think I need to.
II: I am quite romantic!
II: But I think I have rather...different ideals.
ID: i mean i guess, sure. =:P
DD: well i for one would love to have a matesprit that shows that sort of passion and dedication
II: To me, respecting my quadrants' privacy seems a lot more romantic.
SA:I find most of twilights actions to e infantilizing their lover
SA: they cannot possibly help themselves and so forth
RS: | Well | I Mean | RS: | Matespritship is All About Pity | In Reality | to Have Someone fully Manifest the Depths of Those Emotions might be a Bit Overwhelming | RS: | But | In a Story | There is Something Very Touching about the Idea that Someone would be so Over-whelmed by the Pitiableness of their Partner |
DD: have you ever read a pity romance novel sa???
RS: | That They would do Anything for Them |
DD: the point is the pity
RS: | Even Stay Awake all Day | to Watch Them While They Sleep | RS: | Or While They Work | RS: | Admittedly | The Watching Them while He was Meant to be Away was a Bit Excessive |
II: ...if they would do anything for them, why not _show_ them performing some daring act. It sounds like proposing that a law is sound because of its intensity, and not actually trying to prove it based on evidence of its effectiveness.
SA: pitying someone is different form thinking of them as an invalid
RS: | But | He was Feeling Lovelorn | Wasn't That Right | DD | ? |
DD: its not a reflection of the respective relationship members capabilities but rather the depths of the pity they feel for one another
RS: | Oh | He Does | ! |
DD: well they do that too ii!!
II: What happened to showing pity through gifts or affection. My goodness.
SA: if someone treated me that way I would remove them
DD: you all strike me as rather unromantic sorts i am afraid
II: Nonsense!
DD: aside from rs of course
SA: he constantly interferes in her business and then acts like she can't be helped when another individual "enters his turf"
II: On one of my dates, the lovely girl I was accompanied by presented me with a very charming wildlife specimen.
II: It was incredibly sweet!
RS: | Ah | But | Prisma | RS: | What Makes It so Romantic is the Fact She Regularly Offers up the Opportunity for Him to Do So |
RS: | It is a Reciprocated Pity |
DD: alternative interpretation! DD: he helps them when they are struggling and goes out of his way to prove his loyalty in the face of pushy competitors!
RS: | Otherwise | Why | It would Just be Alarming |
DD: and yes also what rs said!
II: But it was of her own volition and not some sort of...I don't even know what to call this, from what I hear about it, some sort of bizarrely compelled dysfunction?
DD: whatever do you mean??
SA: but she wanted nothing to do with him multiple times...
DD: of course the relationship was of both participatnts volitions DD: and sa really if somebody wants nothing to do with another person who is if you recall warning her away then would she really continue returning to him?
DD: this is what i mean by unromantic! DD: its as though you have never flirted before
II: ...this sounds like remarkably inconsistent behavior. Perhaps she is unwell.
DD: what??
DD: its playing hard to get
SA: it sounds like someone who has been entrapped and is completely dependent on their lover
II: That sounds ridiculous.
SA: due to abuse
DD: and showing that despite what you may say at times you are deeply invested in a relationship
DD: what
SA: 😡
II: If you want to be with someone, why would you dance around the issue?
DD: in what way is she entrapped and dependent???????????
II: And pretend otherwise?
DD: because you dont want to look desperate!!
II: It is not desperate to want to be with someone...?
SA: she told him to leave and he came back and got her repeatedly
SA: some people aren't playing hard to get they want to e left alone
II: Indeed, SA is right.
DD: yes and then he left and told her not to follow and she went after him anyways and its called being there for each other
SA: but hard to get is a convenient excuse to keep pursuing them beyond their comfort
II: ...that sounds like ignoring consent, to me.
DD: they save each other many times in this way!!
DD: and you still didnt answer about your entrapment comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SA: if a friend followed me when I told them not to follow I would be upset because it would have jeopardized them
RS: | Oh | Some People Are just Keen to be Left Alone | And That is an Important Thing to Know | But | RS: | You |- DON'T -| want to Look Desperate |
SA: and I clearly was handling it
RS: | That is a Valid Way to Feel | Prisma | But | Oh | Consider | If | Hmm |
II: Certainly, there are times when a moirail or ashen leaf might know better for their partners, but even then, such things ought to be discussed consensually.
RS: | | Someone Says Not to Follow Them | And Then | You Do Not | RS: | And You Discover They have been Greviously Injured | in a Way that Could've been Prevented If Only You had Followed Them |
RS: | Also | They Are Your Matesprit |
II: And particularly in a red(?) relationship, as I assume this to be, it is extremely uncouth to interfere with your partner so.
II: ...that is called life. You can't always be with your matesprit, that would make the relationship hugely uncomfortable. You have to trust them.
ID: okay from what i'm reading this edward is really possessive.
RS: | Mm | ! | But Wouldn't You Wonder | If They had been Saying Do Not Follow Them | RS: | Simply to Look More Pitiable to You | ? |
RS: | Flushed Romance is Mirror to Pale Romance |
RS: | And That is a Classic Trope |
DD: also additionally i think you are greatly overexaggerating her desire to be left alone! DD: she never tells him to leave multiple times she is like maybe kind of miffed one time and then is always very happy to have him present! DD: you are all talking so much about how clearly she wants to be left alone and hates him and are ignoring the fact that its written from her point of view when it is made very clear that she is deeply in love and adores having him around and thinks about him all the time
ID: does the bellae character have other quads?
RS: | She Eventually Becomes Pitch with the Dayshifter |
II: ...if someone told me to not follow them, I would assume they were thinking clearly and not like a cheaply written romance novel.
RS: | After a Long Period of Attempted Red Courtship | in Which She is Torn Between Him and Edward |
ID: and how does. edward react to the blossoming black relationship?
DD: yes except he followed her because his psionic clademember warned him she was in danger not beause he was just randomly following her!!!!
DD: and then he saved her life!!
DD: because he loves her!!
RS: | Oh | He doesn't Care | Why Would He | ? | It's not His Quadrant | RS: | I mean | Eventually | Jakobe does Become Matesprits with Her Descendent Instead | In an Unexpected Twist | RS: | And They are All Three Fully Aware This is what Will Happen |
DD: also for people that are very concerned with the potential lack of consent in this relationship you are doing an awful lot of ignoring of bellaes feelings and all the times she makes it very clear she loves and appreciates edward!
SA: no because I like to believe the people I surround myself with would be willing to tell me the truth of their situation and not trying to pity flirt with me
II: ...did she ASK the psiionic clademember to keep an eye on her.
RS: | So Being Jealous would be Silly |
ID: ...what.
RS: | II | You should Read the Book | ! |
RS: | The Books |
II: ...seconding the what.
RS: | Or | Well | No | That would Take Ages | And I Am Sure You are Very Busy |
RS: | Watch the Films | ! | =:B |
SA: what to what
II: I'm sorry, still a bit hung up over the _descendant_ part. Is Bellae rust?
ID: darn. my lack of speakers would make a movie hard. what a shame.
II: Otherwise how would she have had a descendant around so quickly...
ID: is she? man i'm sick of the simpering rust tropes.
RS: | Bellae is Jade | It is Hard to Realise at Some Points | Given That She Hates the Sunlight |
RS: | But That is How She is Able to be Turned into a Rainbowdrinker in the Last Book |
RS: | You can't Turn a Rust into a Drinker |
RS: | That would be Silly | =:B |
ID: haaah.
II: I didn't know that, Pheres.
II: But how ridiculous.
II: That sounds _full_ of plot holes, if nothing else.
DD: well thats an easy criticism to levy at any work of popular media and honestly at this point it feels like you are just attacking this particular work by making wild assumptions about how and why things in it happened without having read the book
DD: and its kind of hurtful!
DD: and i fell like ive gotten into a mess in terms of first impressions 😦
DD: i dont remember the last time ive felt this unfriendly!
SA: my head hurts.
DD: that is unfortunate have you considered taking any painkillers??
ID: go nap pris.
RS: | Oh | II | I am Afraid We are not Writers | =:( | RS: | So | Ah | It would be Better For You to See For Yourself |
RS: | Or | Read the Summaries Online | ! |
II: ...DD, how experienced are you with chatrooms?
RS: | It is Much Less Alarming than You are Reading It As |
DD: additionally i have heard that certain herbal sinus cleanses and some magnetic treatments work wonders
ID: if you need one. you're at the hotel and all.
DD: and i am not very experienced with chatroom unfortunately ii! DD: why????? that is a very foreboding statement!
II: Ah, well. This sort of thing isn't uncommon. You will often find people who disagree with you, I'm afraid. It isn't personal, usually.
SA: I have to get my things to the station
SA: no, I get headaches for other reasons, DD
SA: anyways
ID: yeah in chatrooms there's no consequences for speaking your mind so. get used to arguments dd.
II: I didn't mean any offense against you. I simply don't like the sound of these narratives.
DD: well then you should maybe read them like rs said i think you have gotten a very misrepresented idea of what the story actually entails!
DD: but oh my goodness im not sure if having bad relationships with people is necessarily the same thing as no consequences!
DD: i would much rather be on good terms with people DD: i suppose i just became quite flustered in this particular case because i have really admired the twilight series for quite a while
II: Bad relationships? I don't think any less of you.
DD: ive always thought it would be very nice to have a matesprit like edward!
II: You just like something different.
DD: and oh in that case i am very happy to hear that
SA: I do primarily because I don't like being called edgy and suspicious
SA: otherwise I don't care
ID: yeah arguments on the chatroom mean little if you don't let them.
DD: in my experience disagreement particularly of the degree of vehemence i achieved breeds dislike so i am glad it did not in this case DD: and in that case sa you have my sincerest apologies!!
DD: i did not mean to be hurtful and simply intended to make a friendly joke but i see now that it was ill aimed and i will refrain from calling you those things in the future!
II: Vehemence? I don't think anyone here felt truly vehement.
RS: | It could be Worse | DD | RS: | You could have Wished for a Matesprit like Jakobe | =:B |
DD: hahaha that is true!
ID: what's wrong with jakobe.
SA: thank you
ID: other than his. flushness for descendants?
DD: well for one thing his propensity for property destruction
DD: and that
DD: also that
DD: well
SA: so everything
DD: i mean it wasnt quite like that
SA: 😄
DD: but really he was being awfully pushy in light of bellaes clear dedication and love to edward!
DD: hes not a particularly awful sort but really he had no right to be placing bellae into that position
ID: i thought someone said she was undecided between them. or was that earlier.
RS: | He is a Skinshifter | Who Lives Out in the Woods | and was Especially Keen to Court Her Quadrant | RS: | Despite Her Clear Affection for Edward | I mean | It is Understandable | in a Certain Light | that She was Tempted Enough to be Curious | ? |
DD: especially while she was mourning the supposed death of her last quadrant!
DD: she was not thinking straight!!
ID: all i'm getting out of this is that this girl wanted to pail mythical creatures. =:I
RS: | Who wouldn't Be | ? | But It is Unkind to Encourage Someone to Pursue That Curiousity | ! |
RS: | Hahaha | Oh | Heavens |
RS: | This is a Perfectly Suitable Book for All Ages | RS: | There is No Fornication | Hadean |
ID: oh okay.
RS: | For Heaven's Sake | It is About |- ROMANCE -| =:P |
DD: well yes id that is part of the allure isnt it?? DD: though with um maybe less coarse language DD: they only kissed in the books!
DD: and yes they ARE romance novels
ID: hey.
ID: 50 shades is supposed to be about romance isn't it.
RS: | Hahaha |- NO -|
RS: | That is a Vicious Lie |
DD: i was under the impression it was meant to be about pailing!
RS: | Exactly | ! |
SA: kink 101 at clown university
II: ...I'm very glad - what
RS: | | | Um |
DD: at least DD: it was DD: after i realized what it was actually about
RS: | Oh My |
DD: 😦
II: I'm sorry, _what_ .
RS: | I would Like to Unenroll From that Class |
DD: um!!!
ID: pris i swear you need to stop bringing that up at the weirdest times.
SA: it applied to fifty shades
II: ...as an honorary church member I suddenly feel rather uncomfortable.
SA: believe me I pick and choose when I say it.
DD: is there a not weird time to bring up something like that???
RS: | I | I don't Think It Does | ? |
DD: because that just seems weird overall!!!
RS: | I do Wonder |
SA: the entirety of fifty shades is poorly constructed relationships around a poor execution of a fetish...
ID: ...ket's switch to the other drinker. lestat.
ID: he looks like a tool.
RS: | Oh | He doesn't | ! |
DD: im afraid i dont know about that one!
DD: oh!
DD: oh goodness
DD: no he looks really very dashing
DD: his hair is lovely ❤
ID: the google images all have him looking like he's trying too hard to seem mysterious and dashing.
RS has attached LESTATISNOBLE.jpeg to the chat!
RS: | Look at That |
RS: | He's not |- TRYING -|
DD: ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
ID: his nose is crooked.
DD: it adds character!
RS: | Yes | Isn't It Dashing | ? | It is a Careful Character Flaw | ! |
ID: oh okay so he wasn't recently hit in the face.
II: Mm. He is all right, I suppose.
RS: | It Shows He is Capable of Violence | Yet | Also Capable of Weakness | RS: | Of Being Made Vulnerable by a Greater Foe | ! |
RS: | Also Known As | Deeply Pitiable | =:P |
DD: +^+
ID: hahah he gets wrecked by the other rainbowdrinkers?
DD: oh dear! DD: im certain he doesnt but really even if he does DD: i would find tending to his wounds very agreeable ❤
ID: i like the other rainbowdrinker better of the two.
RS: | Haha | He Does gets Wrecked | If You would Like to Use those Terms | RS: | He is Almost Murdered by His Matesprit at One Point |
RS: | And Fights Frequently with the Rest |
RS: | But It is the Way of Rainbowdrinkers |
RS: | Unfortunately | ! |
ID: i mean if you say so, i bow to your mastery of rainbowdrinkers. =:P
RS: | Haha | I don't Know If I'd call It Mastery | RS: | I've only Ever Read Those Two Series | ! | RS: | Clearly | DD is the True Master of Rainbowdrinkers | Given His | Her | ? | Wide Range of Knowledge | =:B |
DD: !!!
DD: i mean!!
DD: i wouldnt say that DD: i am just very fond of romance novels haha
DD: and the supernatural ones are just
DD: they are even better!!
ID: why are they better?
DD: because they add twist to the dynamics! DD: they tend to be more tragic and dramatic and romantic
ID: i don't get the appeal of a quad that'll eat you.
II: I admit I feel similarly.
RS: | Well | How is a Quadrant Who Could Drink Your Blood | really Any Different from a Normal Quadrant | ? |
II: Ah, by _quite a lot?_
DD: well thats the point isnt it! DD: that they are so dedicated to you the thought would never cross their mind DD: or if it does it is an example of their great love for you that they dedicate their strength and fortitude towards overcoming such desires so that they might be with you because their love is so much more to them!
DD: and yes really its not as though the average troll could not simply kill you as well
II: I wouldn't want a potential quadrant to view me as a meal, thank you.
RS: | Anyone could Cull You | If You let Them in Near Enough | RS: | You just have to Ensure There is Enough Incentive Not To | RS: | Or Else | That They Care About You Sufficiently | that They would Never Dream of It | ! |
DD: and drink your blood i suppose if they were so inclined though i think that would be
DD: weird
RS: | And | Unhygeniec | =:) |
II: Just a _tad_.
ID: i mean most trolls don't have to cull to survive.
ID: like. literally survive off of eating trolls.
RS: | Yes | Most Trolls just Cull for Fun | which is Rather Worse | If You Ask Me |
II: I cull for my job! But usually I am culling trolls who are dangers to others, or who are causing different types of harm by going against Imperial law.
II: I would not cull wantonly; terrible discipline.
ID: that sounds... fun ii.
II: Well, I am a legislacerator!
II: It is my purpose.
ID: huh. neat.
DD: oh my goodness this conversation took a little bit of a dark turn DD: i apologize i was absent because i was looking for more pictures of lestat DD: i wish my hair was that long it looks looooovely DD: but unfortunately both my hair and my horns have recently found themselves quite short!! DD: im afraid my countenance will never recover DD: but! regardless! i do think i rather agree with rs!
II: A dark turn? Not really.
ID: long hair is the best hair, it's true.
II: Long hair is very lovely! I unfortunately would find it inconvenient, though.
II: Too potentially dangerous for my job.
DD: its also rather cumbersome underwater and our lovely sovereigns ability to manage such wondrous locks as hers is impressive as well as beautiful!
ID: braids help everything.
DD: unfortunately i have recently burned off the majority of mine and it is now styled into quite a short cut!
II: A braid is still an opportunity for an enemy to grab it, though, unfortunately, or for it to get caught.
ID: yeah, you gotta not have too sensitive a scalp. Also braid spikes.
II: Braid spikes?
ID: spikes you braid in to the hair.
II: How fascinating!
II: I have never seen such a thing.
II: It sounds potentially useful, but also possibly injurious to the user.
ID: i mean. i make mine with psi when i do it. but i'm sureee they exist in a metal form. maybe.
II: Hm!
II: Still an intriguing concept.
RS: | Oh | Yes | They Do | ! | I've Worn Those on Occasion | rs: | They're Woven into Your Hair | So | Ah | Only Hazardous if You have a Habit of Handling It | Haha |
II: I see!
ID: see, i knew i wasn't crazy.
II: I wouldn't think you were. You seem quite mentally sound.
ID: jury's still out on that one. =:P
II: Haha, well, surely it isn't my place to judge.
II: Perhaps someone who knows you better could give sufficient testament.
ID: uhhh...
SA: oh is no one going to say anything
ID: my sanity is just that inspiring pris.
SA: if only
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((so i wanted to finally talk abt something that i've been keeping down for a while, mostly since it's kind of a heavy thing.
but people keep asking me how and why i manage running one of the larger ut rp community chats.
and to sort of explain it, well. i gotta tell you guys a story about a shitty little group of 4channers.
tw for suicide.))
((a few years ago, i used to lurk pretty heavily on /vp/. for those unaware, /vp/ is 4chan's pokemon board. it's fairly tame by 4chan standards, but it's got your usual racists and awful people (and an egregious amount of spoiler-hidden furry porn when mods are sleeping)
what it also had, however, was a minecraft server. pixelmon, specifically -- it was the pokemon board, after all, so having the pokemon mod for minecraft was a no-brainer. it was run by a guy we just always called OP (even after we found out his real name and everything else).
one of the regulars was a guy who went by "yeehaw". his real name was james greenwell. he was your stereotypical 4channer -- i'm talkin full neckbeard, derogatory, racist awful guy. but he was a wiz at minecraft coding and building. i, meanwhile, did fairly well with public relations. OP "hired" us (and a few others) to be his admins shortly before the other admin fucked off elsewhere.
everything was pretty chill on the server, 4chan-ities aside. we had a little teamspeak server anyone could join, we talked, it was nice.
but then one day, yeehaw insisted we make a skype group and do video calls. some of us were iffy about it, but decided to join after a little convincing. nothing raunchy ever happened in those calls, but yeehaw liked to voice and cam a lot. he admitted he liked having people to talk to. laughs were had, memes were born, shitposts were posted.
one night, though, it was just me and him online, and we had a private call. he was drunk, as he usually was, but he was.. upset. urging me to sing disney songs with him, asking if i wanted to plan a trip to see him (ofc not, but i didn't want to be too mean to a drunk dude) and other things. he talked a lot about wanting to go to a renfaire, so i gave him some websites to a few in his area (he was in TN) and the big one here in texas.
after a bit of that, though. he told me he was depressed, suicidal. he talked about how he was going to go to a local gun show and get a pistol and off himself later on. i did my best to try to talk him out of it, to try to get him to keep going. it worked, or so i thought.
he stuck around for another month or so, then disappeared. by this point, the whole server knew what was going on, but i was the only one who he spoke to about it. he hadn't wanted me to tell the others, but i knew if i didn't, they'd keep being assholes and rile him up further. (surprisingly, though, they did back off, and never let on that i had told them.)
we were all kind of worried about him, but. he popped up again around november or december of that year. didn't say anything about the gun, but he was instead planning on going to the renfaire near me and was inviting me to go. again, i declined any sort of meetup for the sake of my own safety. i felt bad about it, but. anyway. he disappeared again for a few weeks, showed up for a day or two, and then was gone again. there were plans made at some point between him, OP, and another user (h1) to go to the TN renfaire.
fastforward to a few months later. the pixelmon server was basically dead, and most of us had sort of dispersed and made a smaller group. yeehaw would pop online on skype here and there, but wouldn't talk. nobody knew what was up, but there wasn't really much we could do, especially with all the inter-group drama we had that had gotten kind of nasty with doxxing and other shit.
and then, i'd noticed, that he had stopped coming online altogether.
i gave it a few weeks. then i googled his real name under the news section. it's a go-to panic habit of mine, when i worry about someone. i never see anything.
but this time i did.
http://wreg.com/2015/03/11/a-closer-look-at-the-tough-call-officers-made-at-a-deadly-midtown-standoff/
the dude who had brought everyone together, made us all friends, committed suicide by cop. and i was the only person he had reached out to for help.
i sat there in shock for a good twenty minutes before i hopped in my group's voice call.
"guys? guys? uhm? yeehaw's dead."
"what" "kiyi don't joke" "wait what"
and i posted the link.
we all mourned. we made a statue of his favorite pokemon in the "capital" city of our server, with a little sign saying "rip yeehaw" etc etc. OP turned out to live right near him. he went to his mother's home to pay his respects, and she gave him yeehaw's computers, one of which was sent to me. h1 even flew me out to TN with his own money so we could go to the renfaire in yeehaw's memory.
but.. because of all of that, because of yeehaw -- i can't help but want to make big groups. i want people to feel included, i want people to be able to make friends that they can trust with their feelings.
it's stressful. incredibly stressful. i've cried a few times.
but if someone makes a friend for life, or if someone's there for them at just the right moment because of my skype-turned-discord chat?
it's worth every shed tear.
rest in peace, yeehaw. we miss you, you fuck.))
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So, updates... Me? I am exhausted, as per usual... Not many customers coming into the shop, but then the weather’s been so cold I don’t blame them. I think I need to do more to get the word out or... I don’t know... I never know, ha ha... Orders have even started to slow up on the website. That, I could advertise more... I hate going over the numbers, because I keep feeling my anxiety start to build and dread when I don’t see the kind of totals I was hoping for. Did I overstock? ... well, not on journals and books at any rate. People are always buying out the journals and books... Sometimes the jewelry sells, too. And I’ve sold one athame between now and opening. The funny thing is, I’d like to deal in rapiers someday, but right now... I’m going to have to hold off on that, definitely. I really should get myself registered with some Renfairs, but I can’t just like... go off traveling to this state or that state. Maybe I’ll see if there are any close by, but... fuck, now I’m just teasing my anxiety thinking about it... just trying to think about how I’d even swing that with Eliza and the baby... and honestly I don’t really want to be that far away from Vince either... I guess obviously I don’t need to be thinking about all of this now... once his three months are up, things ought to be a little bit more back to normal... ish.
And so of course, speaking of... Right now, this week, he’s been doing okay. Not great, but okay. He says he mostly just keeps to himself, anyway, to avoid any kind of irritations... He says that his medication isn’t doing anything. He doesn’t feel any different at all, but at the same time, for the last couple of visits, he’s just been aggravated... Like just in a biting mood. I mean you would expect that considering the situation, but I mean early on at least he’d be happier to see me when I visited those first couple of times. And he’s just really tense...
But when we do just talk, he has told me a few things about the place. Some of the other people there. Two kids, for example. Well, one of them’s 19 and the other’s 20 something he says. But he calls one Lobes and the other Porky. That is sadly the only names that I know them by, because he hasn’t yet told me what their real names are. Lobes is one of those guys who puts those gauges in his ears, but since he can’t wear them, then you just see his lobes and how stringy they look without them... I admit it looks weird to me... “Porky” just looks like this lonely little guy who sits off by himself, I notice. He’s not overweight like the nickname might suggest, but he is clearly out of shape, and Vince says he keeps telling this guy to go to the gym room because he keeps complaining about how he can never get a girlfriend...
This other one Vince mentions is an older guy. Like grandfather old, but he’s apparently a vet with some PTSD and his family doesn’t seem to do much for him from what I hear... That guy I haven’t seen, but Vince says he repeatedly tries to get him to play chess with him. I get a kick out of that because Vince hates chess, heh. But he says he’s played a game or two with the guy by now. When you’ve got nothing else to do, you resort to anything...
I’m surprised he hasn’t picked any huge fights with anyone, yet. Or impressed, maybe. Vince tells me that he reads, mostly... shit, that reminds me, I need to get my hands on some more books for him. Apart from that, he says he’s tried to busy himself with writing some poetry.
I’d like to gather all his short stories and poems together one time. I think he ought to focus on those more. He wanted to write this “commentary on the state of modern man” but he’d get caught up in these details and get distracted and thrown off track so much... like he was writing this one chapter on Love, but then I saw him trying to write out all these chemical equations... I was just like, man why are you even doing that? Like, I’m sorry but... eh heh, no one’s going to really care about that stuff... and to tell the truth, I don’t... think that it would be as much a successful project as he might think... I feel kind of shitty saying so as he was really trying to work on that project... but I think it’d really just come across as arrogance and people aren’t all too keen on that kind of thing... But his short stories and his poems, I’ve always kind of liked. He can tell a story, but like in short bursts. And they’re things that at least he can finish. I’d like to see him do more of that. Fiction is something people can connect with a little more easily, I think.
I’ve never been too creative myself, actually... But I know I can compose a tune on a piano. I’ve done that before. And I’ve written a song or two... they were kind of awful, hahaha... but um... they were something, anyway.
I want to try to put together a crystal grid for next month. I’d just really like to try to focus some positive energy... Try to get my head into a good space. Give myself some momentum.
... I saw him today, but tonight, I still miss him.
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When It All Goes South: A Designer’s Nightmare
Back in 2013 a client named “Nicole” contacted me. She had been searching for a designer to work with for several years and wasn’t satisfied with the “talent” she had found thus far. She stumbled across my website, found my contact information and gave me a call. She had a stash of fabrics and some basic ideas and we spoke on the phone at length . . . A conversation that lasted over an hour.
I had been a seamstress since I was a pre-teen. My grandmother began teaching me to sew when I was a child and I sort of “fell” into historical costuming by happenstance in 2001. That happenstance being my 16 year old daughter wanting to join RenFaire with her friends and had to have a parent join with her. I used my experience as a seamstress and began dabbling in historical clothing. I made our garb and it was “passable” - barely! LOL Of course I’m judging myself by my current abilities, but hey...we all start somewhere.
Fast forward to 2012. My husband had died from on-the-job injuries sustained in his position as a law enforcement officer and the kids and I relocated to Bonney Lake, Washington. My husband’s death provided me and my adult kids with a generous retirement, so when we relocated to Washington State I was fortunate enough to retire as a Medical Transcriptionist and pursue my costuming full-time.
Enter “Nicole.”
One of my biggest faults, if you can classify it as a fault, is that I am generous. Generous with my time. Generous with my talent. Generous with my friendship. And generous with my trust. This generosity gets me in trouble. It has for my entire adult life, and more especially since taking my talents public and opening my website and Etsy store. But it also has affected my personal relationships. I am a Leo. Astrology likes to paint us Leos with broad strokes. So, for the record, I’m not the attention seeking, spotlight loving, glory hog people may associate with being Leo, but I have a big old fluffy lion heart and I’m driven.
Another factoid: I’m very intuitive. I won’t go into the “I see dead people” stories or the dreams that come true. That’s a story for another time. I’ve used that intuition as a designer. In most cases I can tune in with my clients and get a real ‘read’ on their tastes and have pulled off some pretty awesome costumes as a result. It’s why I like it when a client gives me the freedom to follow my creative inspiration rather than constrict me to follow “their” vision to the exclusion of my creative input. That’s the one time I will own my Leo-ness. I work best when I can take the lead as a designer, but I’m VERY sensitive to my client’s input. So my process is usually a 60/40 mix.
After that long conversation, I didn’t hear back from Nicole until 2016. She’d relocated from New York to California and was now “ready” to proceed with a gown commission. Great! She sent me a huge box of fabrics and trims she had been collecting for over a decade. She had some great fabrics that I was itching to get my hands on, but she wanted her first commission to be made out of a blue “patterned” upholstery weight velvet she had in her stash. Not my recommendation to use upholstery weight velvet, but I will make do with what my client’s have - unless it’s simply too hideous or won’t drape properly.
I sketched out the gown she communicated she wanted, and pitched my ideas for embroidery, sleeves, and such. I took her deposit and when her reservation rolled around I began working. As I was in the process of embroidering the gown pieces, she called and pitched me the idea of me using a reproduction of an Elizabethan embroidery pattern used on waistcoats of that time period. She wanted her forepart “completely” filled with that pattern. I gulped, and agreed - even though I knew it would be extremely time consuming. Now, mind you - - If I charged FULL PRICE for such a piece, using the standard fee scale for commercial embroiderers, it would have cost in the range of about $1000 or more! But, I was more concerned with making “her” vision a reality and enjoying the creative process and I DIDN’T CHARGE HER extra! (Oh my god, what the hell was I thinking?). There’s that generosity getting in my own way again.
We had continued to communicate over a period of time even after her commission was complete because I “thought” we had built a friendship. We had quite a lot in common - aside from our love of costume and RenFaire. What I was to learn later (at the beginning of 2019) was that she was my friend so long as she was getting something out of that relationship. Stay tuned, I’ll get there in the telling of this story.
So, I designed the blue gown you see in the link at the end of this page and shipped it to her. She was ecstatic with my work and immediately we began planning a “peacock” themed gown. As part of my process as a designer, I generally ask my clients to send me three pictures of their favorite gowns they’ve seen. There were no pictures she could send me for “reference” as this was her dream gown. I sketched out a gown, incorporating designs from a picture I had seen, and she LOVED IT. The only issue was the embroidery pattern. Did she want this Elizabethan style gown to be more “literal” in theme with peacock feathers and a full peacock, or just “touches” of a peacock theme such as the color of the gown. So, I began to scour the internet and vendors for anything to do with Peacocks.
While I strive for authenticity in the cut of my design, my challenge as a designer is to meld the "historical purist" with my client's vision or "fantasy" and produce beautiful and functional ensembles that hit as many points as possible; and offer the public a vignette into each respective time period. While I adore projects that strive for more historical accuracy, what's more important to me as a designer is pleasing my clients, working within their budget, and encouraging their love and knowledge of clothing from bygone eras. So, while peacocks were not a historical theme for the 16th Century, I was game.
The gown went through several iterations in terms of embroidery patterns. Whenever I thought we had nailed down a concept (for the embroidery), she would call me or send me pictures and pitch more ideas for this gown. I’m always open to my client’s input, but the process just kept going...and going...until finally we had reached the date of her reservation! She hadn’t even purchased her fabrics yet! The fabrics were actually the easiest part of the process. We knew what colors we were to use but she hadn’t purchased the yardage we had discussed. With time running short, and the fact that I generally have a very full commission schedule on my calendar, I rescheduled her peacock gown to my next available opening and pitched the idea of using some of her other fabrics and use the time I had to design something else. (See the Red Pomegranate Gown in the link at the bottom of the page). That brought us to about April of 2018.
Over the ensuing months, we continued to discuss the peacock themed gown and she could not settle on an embroidery pattern. I kept sketching, and keeping notes on her feedback, and searching for patterns that might work. She finally came to the decision that she didn’t want it to be too “literal” with peacock feathers AND a peacock portrait - which she had decided that’s what she wanted (a portrait). So, I began researching and sent her pattern after pattern after pattern. She finally came to a decision, and I breathed a sigh of relief. We had discussed this damn gown ad nauseam and I was ready to just get on with actually building it rather than to talk it to death.
With a final concept in mind - or so I thought - she went to the website where I purchase my silks and attempted to order the fabric in the colors we had previously chosen. However, the fabric we were planning to use was now out of stock. So, the gown was postponed ONCE AGAIN.
It was going to be some time before the fabric we had chosen would be in stock again, and because of that delay I had to give her reservation away to another client. I mean, this IS my bread and butter! And I had broken a hard and fast rule and hadn’t asked her for a deposit. How the hell could I when she kept changing the damn gown! I charge by the pattern piece - Every piece I physically sew together, but the embroidery is factored into my estimates. The intricacy of the embroidery would affect my fees, so I couldn’t really nail down an exact number - other than the basic estimate I had worked up months earlier.
In the meantime, she had more fabric waiting to be used and I had an concept I thought would be beautiful: pairing a pale gold and cream damask brocade with a blueish-lavender silk and embroidering it with blackberries. I had my digital artist digitize the patterns: realistic looking blackberry clusters with multicolored leaves and glass beads to create the actual berries. So, when her reservation date arrived ONCE AGAIN, I was all set to start the embroidery process. But wait! NOW, she decided at the last minute that she already had a gold colored gown she had purchased years ago, and she really wanted to revisit the peacock gown. So, once again, we were back to discussing embroidery.
She kept pitching me wild ideas such as a peacock head and body on the bodice stomacher with the tail extending into the forepart. Huh?? Is this an Elizabethan gown or a Charles Worth gown? I mean, come on! I’m good but that wasn’t an idea that would translate into an actual finished gown, at least not an Elizabethan style gown. So, following her EXPRESSED desire not to over do the peacock theme I found a pattern that was beautiful and suggested we use it on the stomacher of the bodice and a mirror image at the bottom of her forepart. I sketched up the concept, and found a beautiful filigree embroidery pattern for the skirt facings - a style SHE had suggested. She had previously expressed she didn’t want to over do the peacock theme by adding peacock feathers, but now, once again, she was changing her mind. Now she DID want peacock feathers on the forepart and sleeves. OK! We’re making some headway - so I thought.
She was in a car accident and suffered a head trauma. It wasn’t serious but it rang her bell pretty good but she had to have major dental work as a result, and then her son had to have surgery and she postponed the gown due to financial constraints.
When she was ready, we picked up where we left off a few months prior. With the main “peacock” for the bodice front chosen (or so I thought) I waited for her to send me her fabrics. I waited - and waited - and waited. Come to find out, the dye lot of the color she had chosen for the main color of her gown was MUCH different from the original swatch and she HATED the new color. So, now we were back to purchasing ALL NEW fabric swatches and deciding on what colors to use. FINALLY, after weeks of debate and more phone conversations, she decided on her colors. So, she purchased her fabric, and we were all set to proceed - so I thought.
It had been several months since we had discussed her final embroidery choices, so with her swatches and my sketch I created a design board showing all the concepts, colors, embroidery patterns, etc., that she had agreed to use. I then told her in order to proceed I would need her deposit. Now, keep in mind, I’d lost thousands of dollars already by giving her multiple reservations - turning away multiple commission requests in order to accommodate her. But she was my friend....right?
After receiving my design board she decided she did’t like the embroidery pattern that SHE HAD AGREED TO USE months earlier, and was now back to searching for a better peacock. I took a deep breath, and I drew on my professionalism, and said, “Ok. . . You tell me what you want to use.” She then sent me a drawing she had done years before - which she previously nixed because she had decided against peacock feathers and a peacock portrait! ARRRGHHHH! You feel my frustration yet?
During these two years my brother - my ONLY brother - fell ill. He was a renowned physician who was revolutionizing orthopedic medicine using stem cells to regrow cartilage and other ground breaking treatments that were changing lives. He traveled all over the world teaching, and treating patients, as well as keeping a full patient load in his Bellevue, Washington practice. He kept his diagnosis secret - even from me. Turns out, he had pancreatic cancer.
Approaching January 2019 he had lost so much weight he was flesh draped over skeleton. I knew he was sick. I knew it was serious. My intuition kept telling me it was pancreatic cancer, though he had not confirmed my suspicions. I’d watched our grandmother succumb to the same disease. But stubborn man that he was, and dedicated to healing people, he refused to accept his mortality. He suffered two years WITHOUT PAIN MEDS in order to be able to legally treat his patients. Can you imagine? He would writhe in pain, screaming while his daughter held his hand all night, then get up in the morning and treat patients - lying down in between appointments just to make it through the day. That was dedication! That is the kind of integrity he had. That was my beautiful brother. I like to count myself cut from the same cloth in terms of work ethic, but I pale in comparison to this man. He was a genius. I’m not fricking exaggerating out of familial bias. He wasn’t content just to understand bio-mechanics and the physiology relating to orthopedics. He wanted to understand the whole body - and he DID. He was hands down the BEST diagnostician I had ever seen in my 20 years working for multiple doctors as a transcriptionist.
Towards the end of January 2019, he called me and asked the kids and I to gather together so he could talk to us. “I have pancreatic cancer.” He admitted, “But I’m not giving up!” He rattled off the treatments he was still trying, and apologized when I began to cry. I cried like I hadn’t cried since my husband died. Three days later, we got a call from my niece telling us he was in the hospital and we’d better hurry. I sat by my brother’s bedside for about 12 hours - along with his wife, son, daughter, my kids, and a select few family and friends - and watched him slip away. That brilliant mind that had saved so many lives was riddled with toxins and infection and he was now septic. He kept shaking his head, trying to clear the fog that infected his brain - all the while stating, “I think I can beat this!” He passed away that night around 10 pm. And I was now alone in this world without my brother.
Over the following couple of days, my assistant, Lalana, began fielding all my calls and commission requests. I was numb with grief. I worked just to keep from collapsing in on myself but I wasn’t functioning very well. My brother was the only sibling I had left in my life. His death took me back to the day my husband died, and it was all I could do to keep moving. We come from sturdy Scottish stock. My grandparents were farmers, and southerners who had survived the depression. I’m tough, but I know when to say “Uncle.”
To others I looked like I was functioning fine. But inside, i was hanging on by a gossamer thread so when Nicole contacted me TWO DAYS after he died and left a voice message about wanting to discuss her Peacock gown, I wanted to just run away and hide. I sent her a text message and explained to her that my brother had just died and that I was in a very bad place. She being a therapist I thought she would understand and could empathize. Instead, she said “I just need ten minutes of your time.” I read the text, took a deep breath and reiterated that I had just WATCHED my brother die and that I was depressed and grieving and that I couldn’t discuss her gown right now. I asked her to give me a couple of weeks to right myself and we’d pick it back up then. She’s a THERAPIST she’ll understand and respect that boundary, won’t she? - I was wrong.
Over the following two days, she continued to insist that she just needed ten minutes of my time, just TEN MINUTES and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t talk to her. I gaped as i read her messages. “Jesus Christ, why isn’t she getting it?” I thought. I took a deep breath, and tried again, this time a bit more strongly. I told her I was grieving, I was sad, I was depressed, I was crying intermittently, and that I simply didn’t have the energy to discuss her gown RIGHT NOW. Surely, that will get the message across? NOPE. She continued to harass me, stating she just needed to talk to me on the phone for ten minutes and then she would leave me alone to grieve. WTAF?
I tried again to assert my boundary, clinging to my professionalism, but mostly trying to salvage what I thought was a meaningful friendship. I repeated that I wasn’t going to talk to her on the phone but if she wanted to send me a message by Marco Polo I would listen to it when I felt a bit better. NO! She insisted I discuss her peacock gown on the phone as she didn’t communicate well in text messages or emails, but that she just needed ten minutes. Reality? There has NEVER been an occasion where this women only talked for ten damn minutes! I knew that! - And I wasn’t going to give in to her bullying. Once more, I wrote back that I could not talk to her about her gown, that it was the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. That’s when she did a 180% turn and I realized this woman is not my friend. A friend wouldn’t DARE ask me to set aside my grief to hear her ideas for a gown that had been DISCUSSED ad nauseam. She fired back in a vicious diatribe during which she claimed that she NEVER agreed to the embroidery pattern that I had used in my design board and that I was being unreasonable. “I” was being unreasonable? Are you frigging kidding me?
The more she pushed, and bullied, and accused, and attacked, the more I stood my ground and she went NUTS! I realized then that I was dealing with a true narcissist. I’d been raised by a malignant narcissist so I knew what I was dealing with now that her sheets had been pulled. What shocked me out of my socks was that she was a THERAPIST? My god!!! How insensitive and selfish can you be? It wasn’t bad enough that I just lost my beautiful brother, but I was also facing the reality that the person I had confided some of my darkest, most painful moments - someone I thought was a friend - turned out to be using me. So long as she got her way, we were great pals. The SECOND she didn’t get her way she turned VICIOUS and turned on me. At that realization, I invited her to find another designer and that it was clear to me that we weren’t friends after all.
She continued to harass me and sunk to passive aggressive comments such as “I thought we were friends,” stooping so low as to contact another designer who had made her a Victorian gown (which she complained to me about in regard to the quality of her work) and proceeded to trash talk me to this woman. I know because she accidentally shared the conversation with me on Facebook messenger thinking I was this other woman. I got to see who she REALLY WAS - and yes, I called her out on it.
Did I mention how much I abhor drama?
She went on the Elizabethan Costuming page and posted a picture of the blue gown I made her and claimed it was “her design.” She stated that her previous designer had retired due to “arthritis” and that she was looking for a new designer to work with her. Pictures of my work are all over the internet, ya’ll! People on that page recognized it as my work and were outraged that she was accepting accolades for a gown she had not “designed” or constructed. Her only input had been providing the fabrics and telling me what pattern she wanted on her forepart embroidery. I then began receiving alarmed messages on Facebook asking me if I was no longer accepting commissions, and then in my Etsy store informing me that someone named “Nicole” was claiming she had made a gown that they knew was mine. When she was called out by people who knew my work, she began to bad mouth me and my integrity. She contacted the moderators of the Elizabethan Costume page on Facebook and portrayed herself as a victim - which they swallowed hook, line and sinker, portraying herself as professional and a therapist! Eee Gods! *rolls eyes* They banned me AND anyone who called attention to her lies. Meh, so what. I wasn’t broken up about it. I banned her from my page, blocked her number and ended up having to SPAM her contact info on Etsy as she proceeded to bully and attack me for days following trying to elicit a reaction from me or engage me. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to ignore them. So, I did.
So, what’s the moral of this story you may ask? Well, I will tell you.
For all those who are self-employed, or are designers, I have this sage advice:
First, never, ever assume that friendly people are your friends. To quote a very old Scottish proverb: Bees with honey in their mouths, still have a sting in their tails.
Second, separate your business from your so-called friendships. I don’t care if it’s your BFF! ASK for a deposit NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE! - And don’t put them on your calendar until they do.
Third, set boundaries for your time from the JUMP! Don’t accept calls when you’re off the clock - or sick, or your brother just died! Don’t make allowances for bad behavior because you are friends. Keep your business separate, that way your friendships stay CLEAN - - or, you’ll find out whether or not they really are your friends.
Fourth, anyone who tries to bully through your boundaries - even if they claim to be your friend or they’re a family member - should not be allowed to win by attrition.
Fifth, don’t take a difficult client because you “need” the money - it can, and often will, come back to bite you in the arse!!
Sixth, if a client contacts you and her name is Nicole F******* and she shows you pictures of MY work and wants you to design something for her. . . RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
LINKS:
BLUE GOWN: https://www.etsy.com/listing/620394045/womens-plus-sized-spanish-gown-custom?ref=shop_home_active_46&frs=1
POMEGRANATE GOWN: https://www.etsy.com/listing/605925091/womens-renaissance-dress-elizabethan?ref=shop_home_active_59&frs=1
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