#it was just... so fucking weird

[pastafossa]

Pasta I have to know how getting your dragon back went down…

Did you steal it back? Did you knock on their door? What was the conversation like? Did they say why they felt the need to steal it from you??

I did steal it back! 😅 I wanted to make absolutely sure it was my Blue Boy, so I texted sis for a pic she took of him when we first put him up a few weeks ago because he had very specific mud stain I hadn't been able to get off his wings that I could use as further identification in addition to the leaf stuck to his butt by a bit of ice (hadn't been warm enough to melt yet), and my shitty overwrapped knots connecting him to his ground stakes! I FORENSICED THIS SHIT. I WAS READY TO IDENTIFY MY BOY.

Pic of stain:

Now armed with a Most Wanted pic, I loaded Pippin up in the car cause he needs to be socialized with my particular type of shenanigans, and drove down the street to where my dad said he'd spotted what might be Blue Boy. Then I did a few slow drivebys all stealthy like past the yard of the suspected thief.

Yup, big ol deflated pile of blue and pink with a christmas package, boldly positioned in amongst their own deflated inflatables, a mere 11 houses down from mine. It sure looked like him, but I needed to be sure. And fortunately, they had no cars in their driveway.

I parked about four or five houses down the street, leaving Pip inside to man the getaway vehicle (I wasn't going to be long, I've done enough fanfic research to know better), and sauntered innocently up into their yard, going for the Potential Blue Boy lying in the snow amongst their other inflatables.

Is there a unique leaf?

Fuck YES.

Wing stain?

GODDAMN CHECK.

I glanced around. No one, fortunately (probably because it was 5 fucking degrees out). So I leaned down to where he was staked into the ground. Were those my knots?

YES THEY WERE, I FUCKING TIE LIKE A RACOON ON COCAINE, I KNOW THOSE BATSHIT ROPE KNOTS.

Hello Blue Boy.

I thought briefly about going up to their door. But no. No. Anyone who'd steal my goddamn inflatable dragon and then put it up in their yard the next day, only eleven houses down, wasn't going to be cowed by me accusing them of dragon theft. So I decided to do what they did to me.

I yanked my Blue Boy up by the stakes as fast as I could. They hadn't plugged him in yet fortunately (it looks like they tried, but their power cord was full from their other inflatables) so I was able to just untangle his cord from all the other inflatable cords. And as I hauled him up, I was just in time to see one of the neighbors of the thief pop out his own front door.

Eye contact.

A pause.

Me, wild-eyed: "...This is MY dragon." Man, entirely unruffled by the insanity of blatant dragon thievery followed by blatant dragon reclaiming: "Thought it might be. My kids loving seeing him at Christmas when we go by your house." Me: "Well I'm taking him BACK, they'll be able to see him again in a few days." Him, cheerfully: "Looking forward to it. Merry Christmas!"

And with that I scuttled off back down the street, frantically carting along six feet of deflated Blue Boy, because this boy was MINE, and no fucking THIEF was going to steal my blue dragon son that spreads holiday cheer and whimsy every GODDAMN YEAR. Chucked him into the passenger seat and leapt in, and made my escape.

Which leaves me here, with a now marked Blue Boy who will be returned to his rightful place tomorrow since it'll be warmer. At this point I honestly have no idea what the thief will do. I'm hoping the fact that I was like fuck NO and just took blue boy back and out of their yard will make it clear you do not get to take my fucking inflatables, I will take them back, but I have no idea, in part because I couldn't have predicted that someone would STEAL MY INFLATABLE AND PUT IT UP IN FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE 11 HOUSES DOWN WHEN I'M THE ONLY ONE ON THE STREET WITH DRAGON DECOR? Like jeSUS, at least wait until next year so it looks like you were just inspired.

[bearloonz]

I think we as a society should bring back brotps. I think we should be weirder about characters being friends the same way people are weird about ships. Make those two characters who interacted once or twice besties. Make it difficult for them to get rid of each other even if they want to. Go nuts

[nouverx]

"I want to eat you" is their love language and you can't change my mind

[inkskinned]

okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.

like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).

but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.

im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.

[lazylittledragon]

i said that gale and cyra have disaster romcom energy and now it's all i can think about

[wardingshout]

ALTTP december warm ups and doodling (and one from today, happy new year)

[pinkd3mon]

This is what happens inside the buddy towers while they wait for Kirby, me thinks

Based on this post I made about Dedede watching TV and this amazing tag someone reblogged it with

[hallowshumour]

Jingle horse. 🦓🔔

[msmimundo]

Do you think Perry ever mixes up being mindless and sentient?

[gascreates]

a new star

[papanowo]

i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat

[idontmindifuforgetme]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[inkskinned]

the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.

women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.

what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.

i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.

fuck, man. write better material.

a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.

god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.

this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.

we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.

i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -

it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.

[inkykeiji]

do you think caleb gets (outrageously) turned on when he sees you doing something domestic??? laundry, dishes, folding his clothes, baking, sweeping the floor??? the most basic, innocuous domesticities???

because i do!!! i do think he gets turned on by it!!! and i think he hopes you get turned on by him performing domestic activities, too: tinkering with his car in the garage, fingernails framed with grease and oil-stained coveralls half undone and tied around his waist; or little blades of grass stuck to his glistening chest & twined through strands of umber hair; or his long, long legs stretched out on the bathroom tile, his torso buried in the sink cabinets as he fixes some leaky pipe???

because ​it’s almost perverted, just how aroused he becomes when he sees you being domestic—cock twitching hot n heavy in his jeans, eyes dark and lids weighted with lust, sweat beginning to prickle at the base of his skull as saliva collects beneath his tongue; a hunger sparked in his chest, something primal and raw and so incredibly deprived—and he needs you to feel it, too.

[greykolla-art]

@cirilee made me realise this was essentially their dynamic, and now I’m going insane I love them!😂❤️

This poor old cat getting dragged around Hell by a weird psychopath.👌