#it was just a hellish situation
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Five years later, while enrolled in an Advanced Infantry Officer’s Course at Fort Benning, Speirs reflected on his own shortcomings and successes in a revealing assessment of his platoon at Carentan. The thirty-two-page monograph concluded with these judgments:
LESSONS
The following lessons were brought out by the operation:
Strategic use of airborne is essential. The attrition of trained parachutists in extended ground combat operations as infantry is wasteful and should be avoided.
When assigning missions to lower units, the commander must consider the comparative strength of his units as reduced by previous casualties.
Bravery in combat must be recognized by decorations and awards. Morale is raised and incentive provided to perform well in future combat.
Tables of Organization and Equipment must be constantly revised to increase the fighting strength and capabilities of the unit.
Flank security during night movement is essential, regardless of the effect on speed and the physical condition of the men.
In night movement all men must be alert to keep contact both to the front and to the rear.
When in contact with the enemy at night, one-half of the unit must be alert and in position to repel attacks.
Intelligence agencies must keep commanders informed of the enemy indications. Commanders can then adjust their plans in accordance, avoiding the possibility of surprise by the enemy.
Wounded men must be carried along when a unit is forced to withdraw.
The hand grenade should be used to full advantage in close combat. The present hand grenade is too heavy for long throws, and, too, it cannot easily be carried in sufficient number for a sustained fight.
Soldiers must learn that an enemy assault is repelled by fire power alone. When individual targets cannot be located, continuous area fire must be used.
Units are forbidden to withdraw without orders however desperate the situation. Unit commanders must keep higher headquarters informed of the amount of enemy pressure, and request authority to withdraw prior to movement.
Most poignant of Speirs’s observations was his self-condemnation for disregarding Dielsi’s plight. “The platoon leader is to be severely criticized for failing to carry the wounded man back as the platoon withdrew from the house on the thirteenth,” Speirs wrote. “His assumption that the man was dead does not excuse him. His expectation of another enemy assault and his fear that this would find the platoon with no ammunition were the factors causing this grave mistake.
~ Jared Frederick & Erik Dorr
#ron speirs#ronald speirs#fierce valor#band of brothers#during the battle of bloody gulch heavily wounded private john dielsi was left behind#after a german paratrooper bayoneted dielsi. dielsi still did not die#and managed to crawl towards carentan and finally got some help#he lived to old age but was emotionally scarred for the rest of his life#speirs felt guilt for a long time for all this#and just to be clear speirs didn't order for dielsi to be left behind#it was just a hellish situation#for everyone
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There is a platonic explanation for all this. Right?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#[accidental kiss] is a purposeful misspelling to reference an old meme. I will blast anyone who tries to correct me with the crunchiest png#The kiss looks like wwx is biting lwj's cheek....It *does* have the consistency of a soft marshmallow so he's not in the wrong.#Once again: wwx was never *ever* oblivious to the implications of the situation. On the contrary: this entire scene + the prior shows-#that he very much understands that this looks gay to the viewers.#He just doesn't think its possible to be loved like that. *Especially not by Lan Zhan.*#Do people forget that LWJ had 13 years to process his feelings VS WWX's (give or take) week?#This is the moment he realizes wwx has feelings and he HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. He feels like he's betraying lwj's trust!#The demi feeling of having spent so long in a comfortable platonic relationship and then getting struck by the 'oh shit' moment.#Its not a soft 'Oh' - Its a 'Oh god they are going to hate me and I can't bear that. I need to be so normal about this or else'.#Pour one out for all of us who've had to go through the trials of trying to conceal the painful realization of deeper affections.#Anyway. *both* lwj and wwx fall in love kicking and screaming and miserable and clawing at the walls about it.#Continuity acknowledgement: wwx's hands are unbound at this point but I had a hellish time with blocking and this was a bit easier.
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#U Have No Idea How Much I Miss Her.#i need to start actually drawinf again its been a hellish 6 months#its really easy to just fall out of the habit of it#i used to obsess over never being someone who just suddenly stopped drawing for weeks/months#it scared me. like a core part of my identity would have to change for that to happen or would be changed by that happening#and then once i didn't draw and wasn't drawing i felt like i needed something to violently change about myself to get me to start doing it#again. but i didn't need that i just drew something again and that was it. like that stretch of time didn't happen#drawing is just an activity you can choose to do or not do and there are no consequences for whatever decision you chose to take but it felt#so serious to me it is like i viewed it like death#which i was right about in a way but mostly in how death is just a thing that happens and that it wont be that sudden and insane#you will just be and then not be just like how you weren't and now are. its just like me drawing or not drawing lol#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he#wants to. its like that feeling. it always sticks in my mind#i have like a fear of thinking about when i will no longer care about something i care about now and its so weird when. realize i stopped#wanting to do something and caring about it and. i feel nothing on account of no longer caring about it lol. but i know that past me#is currently looking forward at me now and terrified. this is unrelated to that comic a lot but its like. thinking about how i will change#words#mine#IM NOT TAGGING THE ART bc i wanna actually finish some of these pieces tbh and like they are just the backdrop for my thoughts...#feels so hashtag tumblr to talk to yourself about some vague ass feelings or situation that no one else will look at ugh thats like#The tumblr experience. but i love reading other's personal posts and tags though..
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I need to play thru DSaF again so I can suffer an aneurysm thinking about Dee
#luly talks#i was watching the fnf song and i heard henry calling her a false savior and it just made me a little insane in the head#bc she does have a fucking savior complex fr#which is so tragic bc she herself is a victim#she literally wouldn't let herself move on and rest because she just had to keep going#i wish we knew her better so I'd get insaner about how fucking tragic that fucking is#like Dee can be very angry and violent but she's so fucking Nice and Sweet and Kind#she's just a little fucking girl who's been forced into this hellish situation she's so.#and she never lost her good traits is the thing this place never fully corrupted her#her everything was stolen and she just kept trying#not just for her but for everyone like UUUUGHHHHHH yes siree thought about killing MY-SELF
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idk if i like this but here it is anyway: nesiwe meeting illari for the first time and going "i do not want you to deal with this the way i did at first"
long post under the cut
Nesiwe has heard much about the new arrival, but hasn't seen her in person. Not until today.
She steps into the room and is caught off guard by the other presence. Illari Quispe Ruiz - it isn't a familiar name to her tongue, and Nesiwe took care to make sure she knew how to pronounce it beforehand.
"Illari?"
The girl looks up. She's an adult, technically, but to Nesiwe she may as well still be a girl. At eighteen, Illari is only just over half Nesiwe's age, and Nesiwe is struck by just how young she is.
She's read the files. She knows what happened. And while she related more and more with each line she read, she'd been through her ordeal in her late twenties. She can't imagine being Illari's age, dealing with this.
"What?" Illari's tone, while not hostile, is terse.
"Heard I'm gonna be working with you, so I just wanted to introduce myself." Nesiwe steps farther into the room with a nod, taking a seat across from Illari. "Nesiwe Ntini. Here from South Africa."
Illari meets her eyes and nods. "Peru."
"I heard."
Illari's expression is unchanging. "So you know what happened."
"I do, and I think it's the reason they're having us work together."
Immediately Illari is on guard, sitting upright. "What do you mean?"
"I dunno if they've shown you my files, but…" Nesiwe hesitates, sighing, her head slumping forward to look at the ground. "We have some things in common."
"What have you done?" Illari seems to realize how that question comes across after she asks it, but she doesn't take it back, waiting for an answer.
Nesiwe holds back a laugh, one that's on the edge between amused and bitter. The corner of her mouth tugs up in a joyless smile, and she knocks on the plating of her protective suit. "I'm wearing this clunky thing for a reason. You and I are kinda… in the same boat, I guess."
Illari scowls, moving back in her seat. "Don't try and tell me you understand. You don't."
"I'm not gonna say that. We were in two different situations," Nesiwe says. "But there was something that stuck out to me in your files. You…" She trails off, tries to find the words that she wishes people would have used for her. "…pretty much wield the sun, yeah?" 'As a weapon' goes unspoken, even if the implication is clear.
"Yes."
"So you can tell me what powers the sun. What process gives it its heat?"
"Fusion." Illari's brow is still furrowed in a scowl, but now it's one of curious suspicion.
"Yep, nuclear fusion. Two atoms smashing together to make a heavier one," Nesiwe nods. "Pretty cool. You can do a lot with it. So you know the opposite of that process? Splitting them apart instead?"
"Fission?"
Nesiwe clicks her tongue in affirmation. "That's what I can do."
Some of the annoyance in Illari's gaze fades at that. "How did you train for that?"
"I didn't. That's where our situations are different." Nesiwe leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Spent my whole life campaigning against nuclear weapons. I got caught up in an attack and…" She motions to herself. "Now I am that weapon."
Illari processes that in silence. "You didn't kill hundreds."
Nesiwe sucks in a sharp breath. "Not hundreds, no. But I still…" She waves a hand, unable to continue.
"It's not the same."
"No, it's not." Illari hadn't intended destruction. "I just know that the guilt eats at you regardless."
"Then you understand that forgiveness is earned, and that I won't stop until I earn it." Illari is resolute in that statement, her shoulders back.
"It is earned, when there's something to be forgiven."
"Don't try to tell me I didn't do anything wrong."
"I'm not here to say that. I don't know all your history." Nesiwe places a hand to her visor. Her head hurts already, and so does her heart. "I just know that when I went down that road after the explosion, I was in a really bad place. And it wasn't like I could talk to someone who understood what it was like to be a walking weapon."
Illari's face softens. It's tiny, almost unnoticeable.
"Our situations aren't the same, and don't take this as pity. It's not. You don't need my sympathy," Nesiwe says. She knows that it may help for the eighteen-year-old to hear that. "You're already doing better than I was - you're going out and doing good for the world instead of hiding away. I'm just here to help with that."
"How?"
"Well." Nesiwe holds out an open hand, palm up. "We're two sides of the same coin, aren't we? You smash atoms together, I rip 'em apart."
"Are we supposed to bring more devastation?" Wary, Illari leans back from the outstretched hand.
"Nuclear forces aren't just used for devastation. They're used in medicine, in power, in space travel-"
"I know." Illari interrupts her activist monologue. "I can heal wounds with mine."
"And I can generate power with mine." On cue, Nesiwe's outstretched hand glows softly. "If we've been given these abilities, we can use them for a better future instead of more destruction. That's why they've sent me to work with you, I'd guess."
Illari thinks about that for a moment before holding out her own hand, letting it glow in kind with the power of the sun.
Nesiwe smiles. She wants to say to Illari all the things she wishes were said to her old self. You don't have to be a weapon. You don't have to bring destruction everywhere you go. You can make this curse into a blessing, take a raging fire and warm hearts with it instead.
But she doesn't. Illari is only eighteen, and Nesiwe knows the mindset she's in. It's going to be better to show her all those things than to say them out loud.
She settles on a lighter topic, a grin sneaking across her face. "Plus, I heard you have a llama."
For the first time since Nesiwe met her, Illari smiles. "His name is Chuño."
#how do i tag this uhhh#[ arden's writing ]#wrote this during finals and did not edit much. not happy with it. posting it anyway#i'm not 100% confident about writing illari properly but#i just know nesiwe would look at her and see herself. that situation of unwillingly/accidentally becoming a weapon#and whereas nesiwe copes with it with humor/distraction illari copes with it with stoicism/bitterness#that bitterness is there for nesiwe. it 100% is. but she doesn't nurture it and it has faded over time#she wants the same for illari because she knows how hellish it is#tag essay sorry lmao#the fact that illari has the line 'get away from me' and that is something nesiwe probably said verbatim in those first few#months after the explosion. after realizing what she had the ability to do now. yeah.#anyway. nesiwe but as a mentor
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like i hesitate to make this comparison when i don’t actually have the condition and god willing never ever will but it’s like with c*vid how sometimes it alters your tastebuds forever and everything you once loved tastes rotten. that’s exactly what this is like. and it fucking sucks
#purrs#i was looking back on stuff i wrote in 2020 today which was also DEEPLY. VISCERALLY hellish for obvious reasons but i think the difference#is that then it felt like there was a very clear way things would get better (the lockdown ending even though the way it did fucking sucked#and covid isn’t over even though everyone thinks it is etc etc) but now it’s like.. the world is just bad. and my life is just bad. and#there are ways to fix things but they’re small and there are some things that in my lifetime i will never transcend or if i do it will come#at excruciating consequence that i am not currently in a position to even fathom let alone experience given the fact that i live where i#live and am constantly… like not to say it bc it’s so overused now but ACTUALLY literally genuinely g*slit. lol. like i need to not be in#this situation and that’s the key to everything but i don’t have the strength to transcend it rn so it’s an ouroborus situation or however#you spell it where the issue just begets itself. im in such a doom spiral of that and i have to break it but every day i just lose more and#more of my will to try. i heard a story on the radio the other day about scientists inducing depression in mice by pinching their arms over#and over until they gave up fighting and that image has been stuck in my head all week. that’s what it feels like rn. except im the one#doing most of the pinching and i don’t know how to stop#delete later
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I think I will survive this grueling service industry job, chronic pain, connective tissue issues and shot joints be damned.
just gotta tell myself: it's the first step of getting myself out of this hellish living situation. just gotta keep at it for a couple years, save up enough money, and it'll be the first step to get out of this hellish living situation!!!!!
#like yes i am IN PAIN and also my connective tissue issues are back in full swing making things worse#BUT THIS IS WHAT I GOTTA DO IF I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE#gotta romanticise the struggle like my favourite steddie fanfics of them getting out of hawkins and living a better life#away from painful memories and the judgement of people around them!!!!!!#like. gotta channel my steve harrington energy. that working at scoops ahoy/family video energy#just wish i had my own emotional support coworker like he does :')))))#but if no one will show up in my life like that i'll just. make it on my own somehow#IT'S BREAKING MY BODY BUT ITS THE FIRST STEP OF GETTING OUT OF THIS HELLISH LIVING SITUATION!!!!!!!!!
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"friends" and they talk about lobotomizing me every time i post wrong math or something.
#mmm.#bunch of rapists#like i don't know why everyone is so hellish!#i wish they weren't#like really#would still like you the most though#don't want to hurt you at all idk#like yk the confusing part is that i don't even know why you say all these things i really never said *that* is what i need#though i would like that *a lot* because i like you a lot but it's like really weird to think about if you get so upset#just that i hate the cult and how they do things and don't want to be put in situations where they have power over me and other things#and that i don't want you to mistreat me just because they want you to for whatever reason#and don't want people who tortured me to just continue being around me like it wasn't a big deal#so idk i just go like you probably have your own reasons or something#you did get upset about all that at some point after all#so just saying that i won't be weird to you or anything if you decide something like that makes the most sense to me#because of course i won't like what even#well i used to think she's like super kissable before she got all weird and violent and did all that i don't know what you want from me#it's kinda super weird to think about now#and i just want to think about you really#but only if you don't mind and everything#sorry c':
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Do any irl Jirai's that are forced to be in public have any cute mask recommendations??? I really did a fucking number and butchered my lips, and kinda just want to wear a mask to cover up that I picked them so bad (இ﹏இ`。)
#vel waffles#Lifestyle jirai save me....save me lifestyle Jirai...#Also sorry I'm so fucking manic and I'm like spam posting#trying to avoid the pain of existing with phone#But yeah so I have like one cute mask that's a “ :3 ” cat face one but it may be dirty I fear so like my shopping addiction says I need mor#but also I've just come to terms that the situation I'm currently in just makes it very hard to wash my shit-- it's like a whole#hellish adventure I didn't ask for so in my smol brain it's easier to just purchase more rather than wash them at this point#because god only knows when I will have the energy to wash stuff not inconsistently#irl jirai#jirai girl#landmineblogging#landmindblr
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something i wanna explore so badly with penelope is like .. bitch offs ... arguments , fighting , leaving her inconsolable bc she's facing the consequences of her own actions. i always think about how cheeky she can be in the books especially , but also her whole lw persona that the show kind of focuses on more , and i want to write that !!!!!!! which brings me to a second point which is , even though i obviously do love colin and penelope and penelope and eloise and penelope and all the bridgertons tbh , i kind of want to explore dynamics where its messy and maybe not all sunshine and rainbows especially colin and pen where its like ... divorced ! or frenemies or rivals, continuing the unrequited storyline , or even flipping it ... i obviously love love romantic storylines and shipping and im never going to not love it but i also want drama ........ i want suspense i want there to be a struggle , i wanna just explore different dynamics !!!
#WELL#not me going on a rant#i just love her i think throwing her in different angsty or downright hellish situations is somewhat .. exciting !#OOC. /
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resurface | kang dae-ho x gn! reader
*.✧ synopsis: after years of heartbreak and betrayal, you’ve learned to bury your emotions to survive. but when your high school sweetheart, kang dae-ho, unexpectedly appears in the deadly game you're also in, the walls you built around your heart begin to crack. As past and present collide, survival becomes about more than just staying alive *.✧ word count: 10.1k (yeah) *.✧ warnings: squidgame season 2 spoilers, violence, death, trauma, toxic relationships, cursing, fluff, angst. your number is 389. *.✧ note: dae-ho won against in-ho by just .2%! thank you all so much for the support. my in-ho fanfic reached 1K notes already, while 1k+ of you participated in my poll! I'm very thankful for the support :> i was in the middle of editing in-ho's fic when the polls finished, when i saw how close the votes were i laughed. luckily i only needed to tweak a bit in this fic for it to be done. enjoy reading!! >:) dae-ho is such a cutiee!! long italicized texts are flashbacks. masterlist | request here
“Shit, I just moved didn’t I?” Player 196 asked in a lighthearted tone after swatting the bee that landed on her. Before anyone could answer, she dropped dead to the ground, a bullet from god knows where piercing through her skull.
The area erupted in chaos as players realized the horrific truth: to be eliminated meant death. Others tried to make a desperate run for it, while some froze, paralyzed from fear, and you were one of them.
Your eyes trailed down to the corpse laying a few feet in front of you. Your heart dropped. That could’ve been you.
You should've trusted your gut. You should’ve known that whatever bullshit that shady man in a suit said was too good to be true. But here you were, paying the price of your stupid decisions.
The air was thick with panic as a bloody massacre unfolded before your eyes. People who ran got shot left and right, while those who stayed survived. Once it cleared those who moved, the mechanical doll turned around, its eerie voice rising in song. The players were too stunned to move. Only one person had the courage to act—Player 456. With unwavering resolve, they ran ahead and instructed you all to hide behind someone bigger than you.
The rest of you followed suit, moving quickly. You ended up behind Player 230—Thanos, a rapper drowning in 1.19 billion won of debt. You didn’t trust him, and your instincts proved right. As the game progressed, he shoved people ahead of him, ending their lives without hesitation. Yet, you had to give him some credit: the man could hold a pose.
One by one, players crossed the finish line. As the timer reached 0, the hellish game finally ended. You were shaking, your body trembling with the aftershock, but at least you were still alive. The guards escorted everyone back to the main area, where the survivors collapsed to their knees, begging for mercy, begging to go home. You could hear them, desperate, pleading. It was almost unbearable.
“There must’ve been a misunderstanding,” the square guard’s voice rang out, cutting through the despair. His tone was flat and devoid of emotion. “We are not trying to harm you. We are presenting you with an opportunity.”
His words did little to reassure anyone. Your eyes rolled at their response. Misunderstanding my ass! The chance of survival, of escape, felt more like a cruel joke than anything else. But before the guard could continue, a voice rose above the rest, sharp and commanding.
“Clause three of the consent form!” Player 456 called out, his voice filled with defiance.
Everyone turned to look at him, some surprised, others hopeful. You were no different. You hadn’t expected anyone to stand up in this situation. You didn’t even know what clause three was, you skipped that part and immediately signed the form, but there was something in the way he spoke that made you believe he knew more than the rest of you.
“The games may be terminated upon a majority vote, correct?” he demanded, his eyes never leaving the guard.
The square guard responded without missing a beat, his tone unchanged. “That is correct.”
“Then let us take a vote right now,” Player 456 pressed, his voice firm and unyielding.
There was a brief silence before the guard spoke again, acknowledging the request with a chilling calmness. “Of course, we respect your right to freedom of choice.” He paused, and in that moment, you could feel the hope that had been buried deep inside everyone start to stir. It wasn’t much, but it was something. “But first, let me announce the prize amount that has been accumulated.”
With the press of a button, the room shifted. The cold, sterile space took on a strange new color, bathed in a soft, eerie glow. A massive piggy bank, almost comically large, descended from the ceiling, its mechanical limbs creaking with the weight. The sound of bills filling it echoed through the room, a surreal sound that only added to the strangeness of the moment. It felt like something out of a twisted casino, a game that didn’t care about the lives it destroyed, only the money it could accumulate.
“The number of players eliminated in the first game is 91,” the guard continued, as the money filled the piggy bank at a steady pace. “Therefore, a total of 9.1 billion won has been accumulated. If you choose to quit the games now, the 365 remaining players can equally divide the 9.1 billion won and leave with your share.”
“How much is that?” Player 100 asked.
“Each person’s share would be 24,931,500 won,” the guard answered flatly, almost as if it was an insignificant amount.
You could hear the gasps of disbelief that rippled through the crowd. It was hard to wrap your mind around it. You almost died for that? The amount seemed insignificant compared to the terror you’d experienced. You could hear others murmuring, their frustration and disbelief growing louder. What good was 24 million won when you had been pushed to the brink of death, when you had witnessed so much suffering?
“Twenty million? You said 45.6 billion!” Player 230 shouted, his voice filled with outrage.
The guard’s response was cold, calculated. “The rule was that a hundred million won would be accumulated for each eliminated player. If you choose to play the next game, and more players are eliminated, the prize amount will increase accordingly.”
The answer felt hollow, like an empty promise that was meant to keep you on the hook.
“Then how much will it be if you survive until the very end?” someone asked, their voice tinged with desperation.
“As I already told you, the total prize money for all 456 players is 45.6 billion won. Those who make it through all six games will equally divide the 45.6 billion won.”
A hush fell over the room, as the reality of the prize set in. 45.6 billion won. It was an obscene amount of money. The sum felt impossible, unreal. But at the same time, it was exactly what so many of you needed. The temptation of that massive prize loomed in the air, a beacon in the darkness. Could you really leave with only 24 million? Was that all your life was worth?
“So, if you’re the only one to survive, you get 45.6 billion won?” Player 230 asked, as if the question needed to be confirmed, just to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood.
“That is correct,” the guard answered, his voice detached, like it was just another part of the game.
For a brief moment, the room seemed to breathe in unison. The weight of the prize, the gravity of the situation, pressed down on everyone. People began to murmur among themselves, the excitement in their voices unmistakable. The idea of that unimaginable sum of money—more than they had ever seen in their lives—became a tangible thing in the air. People who had been trembling in fear moments before now looked around, their eyes glinting with a new kind of hunger. The atmosphere shifted, the air thick with the scent of greed and desperation.
“So we can take a vote again and decide to leave after the next game?” someone asked, voice laced with uncertainty, but also with a flicker of hope.
“As promised in the consent form, you can take a vote after each game and decide to leave with the prize money accumulated up to that point,” the guard confirmed. “We always prioritize your voluntary actions.”
The voting began, and the room filled with tension once again. Player 456 was the first one to vote. He stepped forward, pressing X without hesitation. Others followed, some pressing X, others O. When your turn came, you felt your heart pounding in your chest. You didn’t hesitate. You stepped forward, pressing O with a sense of finality, the sound of the button clicking louder in your ears than it should have been. You placed the patch on your jacket, marking your decision, and walked back to your side of the room.
You didn’t look back.
You weren’t sure when you had made up your mind, but the choice was clear. Despite everything, despite the fear gnawing at the edges of your resolve, you knew you couldn’t walk away now.
Out there, in the real world, the debt that had dragged you into this nightmare would still be waiting. The vultures would circle, just as they always had, but now you could fight back. You could take a step toward something better. The thought of going back to the crushing weight of your debts, to the life that had led you to this point, filled you with dread. There was nothing for you out there anymore.
The prize, the money, the possibility of escaping this endless cycle—this was the only chance you had left. There was no turning back now.
As much as you sympathized with those who wanted to leave, You just couldn’t. Here, at least, there was hope. A sliver of it. And if you survived, you could finally break free. You could pay it all off. You could start over. For the first time in what felt like forever, you had a chance—one that you couldn’t let slip through your fingers.
Your gaze wandered to the others, watching as they made their decisions. Some pressed X with shaking hands, their faces filled with desperation to leave and go home. Others pressed O with grim determination, their eyes locked on the future, no matter how uncertain. And yet, the overwhelming weight of it all crashed down on you again, heavy and suffocating.
You looked up at the piggy bank hanging high above, its golden glow mocking you with promises of salvation. If you made it—if you became the lone survivor—you’d earn it all. 45.6 billion won. Enough to erase every debt. Enough to silence the loan sharks who haunted your dreams. Enough to leave it all behind and disappear.
But as you stared at it, bile rose in your throat. Was this all your life had become—fighting for money, sacrificing everything just to survive? Your stomach twisted as your fists clenched, nails digging into your palms.
Reaching for your necklace, you clutched it tightly, the familiar weight grounding you for a moment. Its warmth offered a flicker of comfort, but even that couldn’t silence the emptiness creeping in. Here, hope felt like a dangerous thing to hold onto.
Out there, you had nothing. No one. Over time, everyone had given up on you. Your friends had drifted away, unwilling to carry the weight of your problems. Your family had turned their backs, tired of the chaos and the shame. And then there was... him.
He left without a word. No explanation, no goodbye. Just gone, as if you had never mattered at all.
When he disappeared, it felt like the last thread holding you together unraveled. You tried to move on, to make sense of it, but the truth was simple: no one stayed. Out there, you were invisible—a burden no one wanted to carry.
But here? Here, you had a purpose. As twisted and brutal as it was, the games gave you something to hold onto. Every step forward felt like proof that you could still fight, still matter, even if it was only to yourself.
You tore your gaze from the piggy bank and stared down at your shoes. It used to be white— pure. Now it’s scuffed and worn, much like you. Each scratch and stain told a story of a life lived in survival mode, clinging to scraps of hope. You couldn’t help but wonder—if you walked away now, what would be waiting for you? Nothing but the same endless cycle of despair.
At least here, you had a chance. A sick, twisted, blood-soaked chance.
And that was more than the outside world had ever given you.
In the midst of your inner turmoil, you didn’t notice someone standing beside you. They were looking at you, as if they wanted to make small talk yet didn't know how.
There was something bugging Dae-ho and he didn't know what it was. He couldn't stay still, couldn't think properly, couldn’t stay calm. He desperately needs a distraction, and he needs it now. But what could he possibly do? He can't just slap himself or shout. No way, that's too embarrassing.
The male thought deeply before an idea popped up in his head. Eureka! He could try and talk to someone! His excitement died down as fast as it came. Yeah, he could try and talk to someone but who? His eyes scanned the crowd. To his dismay, most of the people surrounding him were scary oldies, and he was not willing to take the risk. He looked to his left, spotting a full head of hair.
His gaze landed on you. You're young, he thinks— the white spots in your hair were less than those around him. He felt a little nervous, unsure of how to approach you, but he had no choice. This was his chance.
He coughed lightly, a test to see if you would notice him.
No response.
He tried again, this time a bit louder.
Still nothing.
He began to get irritated, were you deaf or something? Shaking his irrational thoughts, Dae-ho got ready to fake cough again.
Then, out of nowhere, an old man in front of him turned and glared, sending a shiver down his spine. The male stopped, his face flushing. He needed to stop being a coward. He steeled himself, like the marine he was before doing it the right way.
He then stared at your unresponsive figure with intense, wide, and bulging eyes hoping that you would feel his intense stare and finally look at him. When that didn’t work, he began chanting “Hey! Look at me!” in his head just in case you were a mind reader.
To nobody's surprise, his ‘plan’ flunked. Letting out an audible sigh, Dae-ho shook his head. He stopped being a wuss and garnered courage like a true marine. He should just approach you the right way, a single tap on the shoulder wouldn't hurt anybody right? Right.
As soon as his hand touched your shoulder, you ducked down and sneezed—an odd timing. He froze, unsure whether this was a sign to stop or if you were actually a mind reader and was avoiding him. But before he could pull his hand away, you reverted back to your original position— bumping into his outstretched hand.
He jumped back, startled. His cheeks flushed again as he realized he’d intruded on your space. In a sudden burst of nervous energy, he bowed deeply— a perfect ninety degrees, his hands clasped in front of him.
“I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to... you see, I was feeling a little bored and wanted to talk to someone. Between you and me, I don’t want to talk to some old gray-haired people in debt. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, you’re free to slap me and ignore me!”
He spoke in one long breath, the words tumbling out faster than he could control. Then, he froze, bracing himself—waiting for a slap, a harsh word, anything to tell him he had crossed a line. Or maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you to give him a sign that it was all okay. The silence that followed was suffocating, hanging between you like a heavyweight, neither of you dared to break.
When you didn’t respond, he began to doubt himself. Was this a joke? Was he imagining everything? Had he pushed too far?
And then—
“…Dae-ho…?”
The silence that was there from the beginning stretched even further as Dae-ho froze, his heart pounding. He could feel his chest tightening with every breath, his thoughts spinning in circles. Was this really happening?
He slowly lifted his head, praying, hoping that what he was thinking wasn’t true. His eyes scanned your face, searching for any sign that this was just some cruel illusion. He blinked hard, trying to clear his vision, but it didn’t help. You were still there, staring back at him, just as real as the cold walls of the room around him.
“[Name]...”
How could this be real? The years apart, the silence, the pain—it had all carved its place deep inside you, wounds that never fully healed. And yet, here he was, standing before you like a ghost dragged from the past to haunt you. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.
You stared at him, unable to look away, yet every second felt like a fresh wound. How could he just stand there, shaking and silent, as if you weren’t the one left to pick up the shattered pieces of your life when he walked away? Your chest tightened, the air suddenly too thick to breathe.
He looked so different, yet so heartbreakingly familiar. Those same eyes that used to meet yours with warmth now avoided your gaze like a coward. The same hands that once held yours trembled at his sides, as if they carried the weight of something unsaid.
You wanted to scream at him, to demand answers to the questions that had haunted you for years. Why did he leave? Why didn’t he say goodbye? The questions burned in your chest, but no words came. The silence between you was louder than any explanation he could give—louder than the ache of the years he left you to carry alone.
And yet, some small part of you hated yourself for hoping, for wanting him to say something that would make it all make sense. But as his lips parted and nothing came, his silence was louder than any excuse could ever be.
Cheers suddenly filled the room as the two of you looked away from each other. Looking at the scoreboard, you released a sigh of relief as O won, meaning the games would still proceed.
Following the guards orders to disperse, you walked away as fast as you could. You needed to run away for a while, away from everyone, away from him. You weaved through the sea of players, ignoring the chaotic mix of relief and despair filling the room. Every step felt heavier, your mind still reeling from the sight of him. Why here? Why now?
Your chest ached. The large room offered little solace, the murmur of restless voices and distant footsteps a constant reminder of where you were. You sought refuge in the thin, scratchy blanket of your assigned bed, pulling it over yourself as if it could shield you from the weight pressing down on your chest.
Laying in a fetal position, you tried to steady your breathing, to stop the trembling in your hands. But his face—his eyes—kept flashing in your mind, a painful reminder of everything you thought you’d buried.
Anger simmered just beneath the surface, threatening to boil over. You clenched your fists, an attempt to stop the tears from flowing. But no amount of control could erase the gnawing ache in your chest.
“[Name]...”
The voice froze you in place.
“Can we… talk?” His voice was quiet, almost pleading.
Under the covers, you exhaled sharply, forcing yourself to keep your tone steady. “What’s there to talk about, Dae-ho?”
His jaw tightened, and he took a cautious step closer to your bed. “I… I didn’t think I’d see you here. I didn’t think I’d see you again at all.”
“Neither did I,” you replied curtly. “And yet, here we are.”
He flinched at your words, guilt flashing in his eyes not that you could see it. “I know I owe you an explanation.”
You scoffed, shaking your head. “An explanation? After all these years? After you disappeared without a word? You think I need that now, here of all places?”
His lips parted as if to argue, but he stopped himself. Instead, he looked down, his hands gripping the fabric of his jumpsuit. “I wanted to explain. I really did. But I didn’t know how.”
“You didn’t know how?” you repeated, incredulous. “You didn’t know how to tell me you were leaving? That you were giving up on us? That you—”
Your voice cracked, and you stopped, swallowing the lump in your throat. You refused to let him hear you cry. Not here. Not now.
“I didn’t give up on you,” he said softly.
His words hung in the air, but they did nothing to soothe the ache inside you. You shook your head once more, your voice trembling. “You left me alone, Dae-ho. You walked away without a word, and you left me to deal with everything by myself. Don’t tell me you didn’t give up.”
Silence followed, thick and suffocating. You could feel his eyes on your figure under the covers, before hearing footsteps walk away. You didn’t expect much, knowing that all he does is run from his responsibilities. But why did it still hurt?
As you went to collect your dinner, you couldn’t help but overhear familiar laughter. Laughter that you used to love listening to. Silently gazing at Dae-ho’s figure, you watch in silence as he makes small talk with a group of men in the corner of the room. A small smile crept up your face, even after all those years he still has his charming laugh. You moved your gaze to the guard as they handed you your food, with a small bow you thanked them before going back to your bed.
Looking at him one more time, your eyes widened in surprise as a set of eyes clashed with yours. Thankfully, it wasn’t Dae-ho. It was 001. There was something in his stare that made you scared. Maybe Dae-ho told them about your history and now they were angry at you, either way, who were you to care? You broke eye contact first, setting your gaze elsewhere as you retreated back to your assigned bed. Little did you know Dae-ho was doing the same, looking at you with longing eyes every time you had your back turned from him.
The next day came quickly, the game even quicker. You convinced a group to let you join their team with your gonggi skills. They were reluctant at first but had no choice but to let you in as the timer was nearing its end. Your team went through the games with ease, everyone was a pro on the games— you included.
As the guard placed the table in front of you, you and your team squatted, the familiar weight of the stones in your hands grounding you. It reminded you of something, something far simpler, back when you were young.
“The slowest will have to buy the winner dinner, deal?” you said with a playful grin, your voice filled with mischievous confidence as you laid out the challenge.
Dae-ho’s eyes widened, shaking his head dramatically. “That’s unfair! You only say that because you’re a pro at gonggi!” he shot back, his voice half-laughing and half-complaining, clearly trying to defend himself.
Currently, the two of you, still in your high school uniforms, are sprawled on the floor of your room, surrounded by an amusing mess of half-done activities. The afternoon had been a carefree escape from schoolwork and responsibilities, as you had decided to skip school for the day. Your parents were away, so you had the house all to yourselves.
The floor was scattered with papers, a few textbooks left open, and snacks you’d absentmindedly snacked on while getting lost in your own little world. Dae-ho’s hair was a chaotic mess of clips, ties, and failed attempts at creating something resembling style.
Meanwhile, your face was painted with makeup. Your eyes were covered in uneven eyeshadow, and your lipstick had smudged onto your cheeks in a way that had you wondering if you'd even be able to wash it off later. It was ridiculous, but it was also perfect. There was no need for perfection when you were together, just moments of unfiltered fun. You didn’t mind looking silly—it was a shared experience, after all.
You leaned back on the floor, hands resting behind your head, watching him with an amused expression. He had always been competitive, and you knew he wouldn’t let this challenge slide without giving it his all. But you also knew he wouldn’t back down.
"You're just mad because I'm about to beat you,” you teased, raising an eyebrow and holding the gonggi stones in your hand. “I’ve got this in the bag."
Dae-ho let out an exaggerated sigh, pretending to be defeated, but his eyes betrayed him—the challenge was on. “Fine. The loser buys the winner dinner.” he said, as the fire in his eyes burned brightly.
You smiled, leaning closer and placing the stones carefully in front of both of you. “You’re on,” you replied, your voice light but determined.
The game, which was just supposed to be a simple way to pass the time, had suddenly become a full-blown competition, complete with stakes. Dae-ho didn’t like losing, and you knew that meant he would give everything he had to win, but you weren’t going to make it easy for him.
With that, the tension between you both shifted. You could feel the energy change as you both focused on the stones in front of you, your hands hovering over them, ready to begin the game. The silly banter was still there, but now it was mixed with a more serious undercurrent—a challenge that was both fun and a little bit intense.
Dae-ho glanced at you once more, his expression playful but competitive, and you could see the slight smirk forming on his lips. “Get ready to buy me that dinner,” he said with mock confidence, ready to show you he was the better player.
You laughed, shaking your head. “We’ll see about that, Dae-ho.”
And with that, the game began, the stones flying through the air as you both competed to see who could win the challenge, the promise of dinner hanging in the balance.
After breezing through the first rounds, you placed all the stones on top of your hand, heart racing. You nervously exhaled, forcing yourself to focus.
“I’m honestly jealous of your gonggi skills,” you admitted, leaning back in your chair as you sat beside Dae-ho at your favorite hotpot place, a small smile playing on your lips as you stirred your bowl of soup.
Dae-ho, who had just taken a sip from his drink, blinked at you in mock surprise. “You? Jealous of me? You’re the one who won!” he said with a playful glare, his tone lighthearted.
You laughed softly, shaking your head at him. “Not that part, silly! I always notice that you always catch all five stones with ease. Even if I’m fast, I still mess up once in a while.” You looked down at your half-eaten bowl, the warmth from the hotpot filling your chest, but it wasn’t just from the food—it was the company that made everything feel so right.
Dae-ho’s expression softened as he put down his chopsticks, giving you his full attention. He nodded thoughtfully, then smiled, and for a moment, you felt as if the world outside didn’t exist, just the two of you, sharing this simple, quiet moment together.
“Well, my lovely [nickname],” he said, his voice taking on that playful, teasing tone you knew so well. “I can always tell you a trick,” he continued, raising an eyebrow mischievously. “But it’ll cost you. My secrets aren’t free, you know.”
Your curiosity piqued, you tilted your head, giving him a playful. “Go on, then.”
Dae-ho’s smile widened as he turned his cheek toward you, tilting his head just enough to make it clear what he wanted. You giggled, rolling your eyes but giving in, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his left cheek.
He grinned, the sparkle in his eyes making your heart skip a beat, and without missing a beat, he pointed to the other side, silently asking for more. You couldn’t help but smile, kissing his right cheek just as lightly.
Then, Dae-ho tilted his head again, offering his forehead with that trademark mischievous smile. “And this one?” he asked, his eyes glinting with excitement.
You didn’t even hesitate, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his forehead, your heart fluttering in the simple affection. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and the more you kissed him, the more the world around you faded away.
He stretched his hand out next, offering the back of his left hand with an expectant grin. You chuckled at how silly this game was becoming, but you still kissed it gently, your heart swelling with warmth. His grin only grew wider, and before you knew it, he was extending his right hand, offering it up for another kiss.
You kissed it too, your heart fluttering again at how effortlessly he could make everything feel so special. Each little moment, each silly gesture, you loved it all.
Finally, with that signature grin of his, Dae-ho turned fully toward you, his eyes sparkling with playfulness. “And this one?” he asked, tilting his face toward yours, the question hanging in the air like an invitation.
Without even thinking, you closed the space between you and kissed his lips, a soft, lingering kiss that felt full of promise and affection. The moment was so pure, so simple, that it left you breathless in the best way. Nothing mattered but the two of you, sharing this quiet, tender connection.
Dae-ho smiled against your lips, his arms subtly drawing you closer as he pulled back just slightly, a lovestruck expression on his face. “You’re the best, [nickname].” he whispered, his breath warm against your ear as he nuzzled you gently. His voice was soft and full of affection, and you couldn’t help but smile back, your heart swelling with warmth.
You leaned in, your voice teasing. “So? What’s the trick?”
Dae-ho let out a dramatic sigh, pretending to be exasperated but still smiling. “Can’t I have a lovely moment with you?” he asked, his tone light and affectionate.
“Dae-ho.” you said with a small laugh, nudging him playfully.
“Fine, fine! You’re a party pooper!” he joked, giving you a nudge back before getting serious. He shifted slightly, sitting up straighter and showing you a more focused expression. “Alright, listen carefully.” He mimicked the motions as he spoke. “What I do is first calm myself down. Inhale... and exhale.” He demonstrated the breathing technique, his chest rising and falling slowly.
He paused before looking at you expectantly. Rolling your eyes, you copied his movement. Inhale and exhale.
Satisfied, he continued. “Once you find your peace, you put all your might in your palm so the stones don’t fall. Strong foundation.”
You nodded, watching him carefully. “Got it,” you said, your gaze fixed on his hands as he continued with his instructions.
He smiled, clearly pleased by your attention. “Then you throw your hand upwards—just right. Not too low, not too high,” he said, raising one hand and showing you the perfect motion. “Count one...” He paused dramatically, his eyes never leaving yours.
“Count one,” you repeated, laughing softly at how serious he was being, yet how cute he looked while teaching you.
“Then catch!”
You threw your hand up. It felt natural. It felt right. The stones landed, and you caught them all in one smooth motion.
“Hey! I caught it on the first try!” You grinned, excitement rushing through you. You looked up, expecting to see Dae-ho’s proud smile, the one that always made your heart race.
But instead, you met the cold, expressionless face of a guard. Reality hit like a punch to the gut. This wasn’t Dae-ho. This wasn’t your favorite hotpot place.
Your heart twisted, the warmth you replaced by the emptiness of this place. You tried to smile, but it felt hollow. The distant cheers of your teammates did nothing to drown out the silence in your mind.
You couldn’t shake the memory, his teasing smile, his quiet words, the way his lips brushed against yours. Those were moments you could never go back to. As you moved on to the next station, the sting of that memory lingered, sharp and painful. The sweetness was gone. It was just you, alone in this game, with no place for memories of simpler times.
Everything was a blur after that, your mind occupied by what happened during the second game. Gonggi was something you always bonded over, and that game brought unwanted memories back. It got to a point wherein the way you’d always made decisions, small or big, was by playing gonggi. Where to eat? Play gonggi. Who’s paying the bill? Gonggi.
But now, as you lay at your bed, staring at the ceiling, it wasn’t the same. Your mind wandered back to that moment, remembering his smile, the way his eyes would soften when he looked at you. That warmth, that sense of belonging, was gone. The past felt distant, like a dream you couldn’t hold onto anymore.
You closed your eyes, trying to push the memory away. Suddenly, the light went out.
The light went out? That wasn’t right.
You opened one eye and saw Dae-ho standing above you, looking down at you with that nervous, familiar expression.
“Congrats, [Name]. I knew you could do it.” he said softly.
You looked up at him, emotions swirling in your chest. “Congrats also, Dae-ho.” you replied quietly.
You stared at him as the weight of everything hung heavy in the air between you. You had so many emotions running through your veins—hurt, betrayal, confusion, anger—and yet, here he was, standing in front of you, trying to explain himself, trying to make sense of everything.
“[Name]... Please, talk to me.” he repeated, his voice soft but desperate.
You didn’t move at first. The space between you, filled with so many unspoken words. Finally, you stood up, leading him to a quiet corner between the bed frames, away from the chaos. The moment felt strangely intimate, but so far removed from anything you could have ever imagined.
Dae-ho was the first to break the silence, his voice shaking with the weight of his confession. “I didn’t want to leave, [Name]. I didn’t... but I had no choice.” He paused, his face twisted with guilt as he rubbed his hands together nervously.
“My father...” His voice cracked as he spoke, his words thick with regret. “He was... always trying to control me. Pushing me into things I didn’t want. He never let me make my own decisions. But when it came to you... he saw how much I cared. He saw how soft I was because of you, and he hated it. He thought I wasn’t strong enough to survive—how I wasn't becoming a real man, so he sent me away. He made me join the Marines. He didn’t even let me choose. I tried to fight him. I tried to say no, but he didn’t care.”
You felt your heart break all over again. “But... Why didn’t you fight harder for us? Why didn’t you try harder to stay? To... tell me?” The words were out before you could stop them, and they stung more than you’d expected.
“I... I couldn’t,” he whispered. “He had me. I thought if I left, if I did what he said, it would all be over. That he’d leave me alone. But when I came back, you were gone. I couldn’t find you. I looked for you everywhere, [Name], but you and your family were gone. And I thought... I thought I lost you forever. And I couldn’t fix it.”
You bit your lip to stop yourself from crying. “But you didn’t even try to find me, Dae-ho. You just... disappeared. I waited for you. I thought I was worth waiting for, but you made me feel the opposite. You just left, and I had to pick up the pieces of my life without you.”
“Please don’t say that. You are worth fighting for [Name].”
His eyes filled with sorrow, and he reached out for you, but you pulled back slightly, not ready for his touch just yet. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I could make it right when I came back, but... it wasn’t the same. And now I’m afraid I’ve lost you for good.”
Your chest tightened, and you fought to keep your emotions in check. “You didn’t lose me, Dae-ho. If anything, I still think about you. Every street I walk, every place I visit. I always tried to find any sign of you. You just… you never gave me a chance to be part of your life anymore. I can’t just go back to how things were. I can’t pretend everything’s okay, because it’s not.”
“I understand,” Dae-ho said quietly, his voice laced with sincerity. “I know you’ve been through so much. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you before, but I’m here now. Let me make it right. Please…”
He paused, swallowing hard before speaking again, as if the weight of his words was too heavy to bear. “If you just vote to go home, we can leave all this behind. We don’t have to keep playing. We can go back to the way things were. We can be free. We can live together.”
His words hit you like a punch to the stomach, leaving you breathless. You couldn’t wrap your mind around what he was asking. He wanted you to vote to go home? That’s all it took? To end this nightmare?
You took a step back, your heart hammering in your chest. The sudden flood of emotions was overwhelming—confusion, anger, hurt, all rolled into one. “Is that what you think this is about, Dae-ho? You think you can just tell me to vote to go home and everything will magically go back to normal? That we’ll just go back to living in some fairy tale together?”
His face faltered with guilt, but you couldn’t stop yourself. The words were already tumbling out, and the anger was building with each second. “You have no idea what it’s like for me out there. I don’t have anything left. No family. No safety. No way out. If I leave without the money, I’ll be dead before I even make it out of the game. The people who own me—they’ll come for me. They’ll end me.”
You couldn’t stop the rise of panic and fury in your voice. “You think voting to go home is going to fix everything? Do you think that’ll save me from what’s out there? You think that’s going to protect me?”
You were shaking now, your words louder, sharper with each passing second. “I’m not here by choice. I didn’t sign up for this game to have some fun. I’m here because I have no other option. I need the money. I have to win. I don’t have the luxury of walking away. If I don’t make it, I’m dead. They’ll take everything I have left. They’ll take my life. And you want me to just throw that away?”
His face went pale, his hands trembling as he reached out, but you stepped back, your emotions running too high. You were drowning in your own fear, your own anger, and he was standing there, asking for something you couldn’t give. Not now. Not when your very existence was on the line.
“I’m not going to die for you to feel like you’ve done something good,” you spat, your voice cold and full of finality. “I’ll keep playing. I’ll keep fighting. I’ll keep voting O if that’s what it takes to stay alive. Because I don’t have the luxury to just quit. I don’t have the luxury to go home. If I die here, then I die here. But at least I had a chance. A chance to keep living.”
You could see the regret flooding his face now, the guilt in his eyes clear as day. But it didn’t matter. You had already crossed the line, said everything you needed to say. The wound had already been made, and nothing would heal it now.
“They took everything from me,” you whispered, voice cracking with the weight of the confession. “I don’t have anything left. This game, this nightmare is all I have. If I leave without any money, without anything... they’ll take me. They’ll take my life.”
His expression was full of pain now. The words hit him hard, and you saw the guilt swirling inside him. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but no words came. You saw the regret in his eyes, the apology he couldn’t voice—but it was too little, too late.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered finally, his voice thick with regret. “I never meant to hurt you. I just… I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t know you were fighting for your life.”
You shook your head slowly, stepping back from him. “You didn’t know? You never bothered to ask. You didn’t care enough to understand what I was going through. You just assumed everything would be fine, that we could go back to normal. But you didn’t ask, Dae-ho. You didn’t care.”
His face crumpled with the realization of what you were saying, and the weight of your words hit him like a ton of bricks. But you didn’t care. Not now. Not when you were holding on to the one thing that mattered to you right now—your will to survive.
“I’m sorry, Dae-ho,” you whispered, the words barely escaping your lips, but full of emotion. “But I care about surviving. I care about living. And if I have to vote O, if I have to keep playing to do that, then that’s what I’ll do.”
For a long moment, you stood there, facing each other in the silence, your hearts both full of unsaid things. But the anger slowly began to fade, replaced by a deep sadness, a sorrow that neither of you could fix.
He stepped closer to you, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry... I never wanted this for you. But I’ll always be here, [Name], even if you hate me for it.”
You looked at him one last time, the weight of everything you had said sinking in. And for the first time in a long time, you let the tears fall—not from anger, but from the overwhelming fear of it all. The fear of what your life had become, of how far you’d fallen, of the choices you had to make that never felt right.
Dae-ho stared at you as you quietly wept, his heart breaking at the sight of your pain. Without a second thought, he reached out, pulling you into his arms. He wrapped you in the comfort of his embrace, guiding your head to rest against his chest, your tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt.
He didn’t speak at first, just held you tightly, as if trying to shield you from the world, from everything that had happened, and everything you feared. His hand gently rubbed your back in slow, soothing circles, offering what comfort he could in that moment.
“I’m sorry… I know I can’t take away all the pain,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “But I’m here, [Name]. I won’t leave you. You don’t have to go through this alone anymore. Please... just let me be here for you.”
You clung to him, not knowing if you wanted him to fix everything, but just needing the solace, the warmth that came with knowing he was still here. Still trying. You didn’t know what the future held, or if you could ever truly forgive him for the past, but in that moment, you allowed yourself to feel something you hadn’t in so long—comfort, even if it was fleeting.
He tightened his hold on you, letting you cry, never pushing you away. “I’ll always be here. I promise.”
You didn’t know how long it had been, but eventually, the tears started to slow. The tightness in your chest eased just a little, and you found yourself breathing a bit easier. Dae-ho, still holding you gently, never let go. He simply let you rest against him, giving you space to process everything, even if that meant staying silent for the moment.
You looked at him, your chest heavy with everything you’d just let out. “I’m sorry too,” you murmured, voice low and shaky. “I... I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I was just... I don’t know. I was scared. I couldn’t—couldn’t bear the thought of losing everything. But I shouldn’t have said those things.”
Dae-ho shook his head softly, his fingers brushing your cheek again. “No... I deserved it. I made you carry too much, and I never gave you the chance to say how you really felt. I was so focused on my own guilt, I didn’t see how much I was hurting you.”
The weight of the words sank in, and you felt a tear slip down your cheek, though this one wasn’t filled with anger—it was filled with a sadness you hadn’t let yourself fully feel until now. “We both messed up,” you whispered, the ache in your heart growing.
Dae-ho’s gaze softened, his hand gently squeezing yours. “But I’ll try to make it right. I don’t know if I can, but I’ll keep trying, [Name]. I’ll stay by your side, no matter what.”
You took a shaky breath, finding comfort in the sincerity of his words. “I don’t know where we go from here, but... I can’t pretend like it’s all fine. I need time.”
He nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. “I’ll give you all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just... sorry. For everything.”
The air between you was thick with unspoken apologies, regrets, and the fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, you could both find a way to heal from this. You both had a long road ahead, a game to survive. But for now, the silence was no longer heavy with tension. Instead, it was filled with a quiet understanding, one that neither of you had expected to find, but one that was slowly, carefully beginning to piece things together.
"This time, the vote will begin with Player 001. Player 001, please cast your vote."
The moment the announcement was made, you felt a cold shiver run down your spine. Voting had begun. This time, you were going first—before Dae-ho. He stood beside you, his presence steady and calming, but there was an undeniable tension in the air. His hand brushed your back, the soothing gesture almost feeling out of place in this chaotic, life-or-death situation.
“Choose what you need,” Dae-ho whispered, his voice soft but full of sincerity. “Don’t worry about me. I won’t be mad.”
His words settled over you like a gentle blanket, but they couldn’t remove the weight of the decision you had to make. To survive, to keep moving forward, you knew you had to vote for O. You had to keep playing if you wanted a chance at surviving, but even as you stood in front of the voting machine, you felt a sickening sense of dread.
Was it really worth it? Pushing yourself, forcing the belief that survival was your only option, knowing the outside world would swallow you whole. What was the point of living if the only person who ever made you feel truly alive has always been Dae-ho? The thought echoed in your mind, and the walls of the room suddenly felt like they were closing in around you. Dae-ho had become your anchor in this madness—your reason for pushing through.
But now, you had to choose. You needed to choose for your own survival.
Your finger hovered over the button for O, but then you thought about everything you’d been through, everything you’d sacrificed already. At that moment, it was no longer just about survival. It was about the life you had left to live. You didn’t want to keep going without him.
X.
You slammed your hand down on the button, your choice made in an instant. The harsh reality of it stung as you tore off the patch you had placed on your jacket earlier, replacing it with a new one. As you made your way to the X side of the room, your heart felt heavy, but there was a strange sense of finality to it. You have made your decision.
You couldn’t help but look over at Dae-ho. The surprise on his face was so pure, so raw. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape, like a fish caught out of water, and the shock in his gaze hit you harder than you expected.
Despite the tension and the gravity of the moment, you found yourself quietly laughing at him, unable to hold it in. The absurdity of it all—of choosing to walk away from everything that had kept you going—made you want to laugh and cry at the same time. God, you felt like a fool. After your dramatic show earlier, how you had confidently claimed that you would continue voting O, ready to survive, ready to keep playing. Yet here you were, choosing X, choosing to stop. Choosing him.
Dae-ho just stood there for a moment, still processing, before going up the platform to vote. His footsteps were slow, deliberate, as if he were trying to piece together what had just happened. You couldn’t blame him. The moment was so surreal, so at odds with everything you’d said before.
You watched him, heart hammering in your chest as he stood at the voting machine. His back was turned to you, but you could almost feel the confusion radiating off him. His hesitation was palpable, and you wondered if he understood. If he saw why you made the decision you did.
The sound of his vote pressing echoed in the silence, a soft click that seemed too loud for the room. He immediately walked to where you stood, his expression unreadable.
“I don’t get it,” he muttered. “Why... why did you choose X?”
The answer was too simple, too complicated, and maybe too painful to say out loud. Instead, you gave him a small smile, one that held so many unsaid things. “Dae-ho, I’ll always choose you.”
In the end, your vote didn’t matter. Since O won by a landslide, the next game was inevitable. But for the first time in days, or maybe even years, you found yourself smiling—a real, genuine smile—as you were introduced to Dae-ho’s little group. You exchanged pleasantries, introduced yourselves, and felt something warm stir inside you.
The following day came quickly, and with it, the next game. One moment, you were lying in bed, your mind running wild with the uncertainty of what was to come. Next, you were on a spinning platform, waiting for the music to stop. Your eyes immediately sought out Dae-ho, and when you met his gaze, he reached for your hand, gripping it tightly, as if he couldn’t bear to let go.
“Don’t worry,” he said softly, a promise in his words. “I won’t let go.”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “I know.”
The rounds passed, too smoothly, almost disturbingly so. You all survived the first four rounds with ease.
But everything was about to change.
7.
“Five women, and two men. Go!” Gi-hun’s commanding voice cut through the noise, demanding attention. Without hesitation, 007 shot his hand into the air. “I’ll go with my mother!” he announced, stepping forward. Gi-hun nodded, relieved to have a volunteer. He scanned the group again, waiting for the next person to step up.
Dae-ho raised his hand, his voice strong as he called out, “We’ll go!” He pulled you closer to him, offering a small smile that was laced with worry. His eyes betrayed his calm demeanor, revealing the weight of what was happening. The air around you both felt heavy with the uncertainty of the situation. Still, you clung to each other, walking together toward the door.
Your group of seven—007, 149, 120, 095, Jun-hee, you, and Dae-ho—ran toward the nearest empty room. The sound of your hurried footsteps echoed in the tense silence. But just as you were about to step inside, something caught your eye and made your heart drop.
Player 095, frail and struggling, was being shoved aside by a group of players. Seeing her so helpless, you couldn’t just stand by. Without thinking, you yanked your hand from Dae-ho’s grasp and rushed to her side.
Dae-ho’s heart skipped a beat the moment he felt the loss of your hand. Panic surged through him. Where did you go? He scanned the chaos around him, his eyes frantic as he searched for you in the crowded room. His heart tightened when he saw you helped 095 into the room, making sure she was safe. He could see the determination in your eyes as you ensured her well-being, but once it was your turn to come into the room, to rejoin him, disaster struck.
A group of four players, each desperately fighting for their own survival, barreled into you.
The impact was brutal. Your body was slammed to the ground with overwhelming force. Everything around you seemed to blur and slow down as you hit the floor, your breath knocked from your chest in a violent rush. A sharp wave of pain shot through your body—your limbs aching, your head spinning—but strangely, you couldn't feel it all at once. The shock of the fall seemed to disconnect you from your body, like you were floating in a painful haze.
In that split second, time seemed to stretch out. You felt a sudden sense of numbness as your body tried to process the damage, and your heart raced as you struggled to breathe. Your vision blurred, and for a moment, you feared that you wouldn’t be able to get up again. But then, the rush of adrenaline kicked in.
Determination surged through you like a lightning bolt. You couldn't afford to stay down. You had to survive.
You pushed yourself off the ground, ignoring the throbbing pain in your limbs, and scrambled to your feet. Gritting your teeth, you ran with every ounce of strength you had left, your focus fixed on the door. You had to get inside—it was the only chance left. The room was just a few feet away now, but each step felt like an eternity as you sprinted, your legs shaking with exertion and fear. Every part of you screamed for rest, but you couldn't stop. Not yet.
"[Name]! Let’s play Mingle!" Dae-ho’s voice rang out with excitement, pulling you out of your thoughts. You raised an eyebrow, already knowing his playful nature.
“With just the two of us?” you asked, teasing him. A grin tugged at your lips despite yourself, knowing that whatever he had planned would likely be a mix of fun and absurdity.
“Well...” Dae-ho scratched the back of his neck, pretending to think deeply, but the mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away. He was already scheming.
It was your third anniversary together, a day you both decided to celebrate in your usual style: by skipping class and spending it alone in your room. Both of you were still wearing your high school uniforms—uniforms that no longer felt like the serious attire they were supposed to be. The two of you had spent countless afternoons like this, laughing and simply enjoying each other's company, without a care in the world.
“I’ve got it!” Dae-ho suddenly exclaimed, his eyes lighting up as he dashed to your bed. He scooped up a handful of stuffed toys with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Let’s use our children!” he declared, holding them up like he had just discovered the most brilliant idea.
You stared at him, your laughter bubbling up instantly. "Our children? Really, tiger?" you chuckled, wiping away the tears that had already begun to form from laughing too hard.
"Hey, don’t laugh! This is serious!" he protested, feigning offense, but you could see the twinkle in his eyes that told you he was only pretending to be upset. He adjusted the toys in his arms, a determined look on his face.
“Alright, fine,” you replied, still laughing but wiping your eyes. “Let’s play.” You were already game—who could resist when Dae-ho was this excited?
Dae-ho carefully arranged the toys in front of you both, giving each one a position with a level of care that made it clear he was taking this game very seriously. “Okay. For this round… Three!” he announced dramatically, holding his hands out in front of him like he was preparing to start a battle.
You didn’t even wait for him to finish before snatching up two of the nearest toys. His jaw dropped in mock betrayal, and he huffed loudly, feigning offense. "Not fair! You should partner with me. Always!" he said, acting like you had broken some sacred rule.
You stuck your tongue out at him, teasing. “Stop being a sore loser! I’m just playing by your rules.”
"Fine," he grumbled. He pouted dramatically, a little over-the-top for someone so competitive. He then scurried around the room, gathering two more toys to prepare for the next round.
The game continued in the same playful vein, with the toys being eliminated one by one. The room filled with the sound of laughter, teasing, and mock outrage as each round got more dramatic. The toys “lost” in ways that made no sense, their plush bodies being thrown to the side in exaggerated defeat.
"For this round,” Dae-ho said, his voice suddenly turning serious. “Two!” He gave you a look, as if to challenge you to keep up with him.
You smirked, ready to grab him this time. But before you could react, he swooped down and grabbed the last remaining toy, holding it close to his chest with a triumphant grin. “Hey!” you cried out in mock outrage, throwing your hands up.
"Sore loser!" he teased, clearly pleased with his victory.
You crossed your arms, pretending to sulk. “Whatever.” you muttered, rolling your eyes for effect.
Dae-ho chuckled, the sound warm and genuine. He set the toy down, then knelt in front of you. “Wait, wait, don’t be mad!” he said, holding the toy up to his face like a little puppet. He moved its tiny arms in a dramatic fashion, as if it was trying to “walk” toward you.
"Eomma! Please don’t be angry at Appa! Pleaseee!” he said in a high-pitched, exaggerated voice that made you burst out laughing.
Your faux anger crumbled immediately, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his antics. He was ridiculous—and that was one of the many reasons you loved him.
Still holding the toy, Dae-ho slowly lowered it from his face, a more tender look in his eyes. You hadn’t noticed at first, but there was a delicate necklace hanging from the toy’s tiny paw. Your breath hitched as he gently removed the necklace and held it out to you.
"Here," he said softly, his voice unexpectedly gentle. You could feel the warmth in his words as he looked at you with such sincerity. Without warning, he leaned forward and clasped the necklace around your neck. The touch of his fingers against your skin sent a shiver through you. "Happy anniversary, [Name]."
For a moment, your heart skipped a beat as the rush of emotion hit you unexpectedly. His gesture felt like everything—a simple, yet deeply meaningful way of showing how much he cared. You blinked back the sudden welling of emotion in your chest.
Before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around him, pressing a kiss to his lips in gratitude. You then buried your face in his shoulder, hiding the emotions that threatened to spill over.
“Thank you.” you murmured, your voice muffled against his skin.
Dae-ho chuckled softly, his arms wrapping around you in a tight, comforting hug. “Anything for you.”
In that moment, everything else faded away. There was just the two of you, wrapped in each other's warmth, sharing a quiet, simple happiness that felt bigger than any words could express. Time seemed to slow down, and you didn’t want to think about anything else.
As you pulled back, your laughter bubbled up again, light and carefree. You couldn’t resist teasing him once more. “You’re still a sore loser, though.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Dae-ho replied, rolling his eyes but still grinning. “But you love me anyway.”
You smiled, your gaze softening as you looked at him with affection. “I do. Now help me with this necklace!”
Your hand stretched toward the door, the cold metal just within reach.
Then everything went silent.
#wqnsho.writes#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game fanfic#kang dae ho x reader#dae ho x reader#player 388 x reader#oneshot
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I feel like a more useful phrase for encompassing how Hollywood's Corsets Are Evil attitude underestimates women's intelligence, as opposed to "would we have worn something like them for 500 years if they weren't comfortable?" is
"would the vast majority of us have worn something like them for 500 years if they were absolute torture devices in 100% of use cases?"
would we have worn them if they weren't comfortable? just as a blanket statement with no further modifiers...yes. I've been watching deep dives on lip fillers while I sew this morning. people will ABSOLUTELY do things that are not only uncomfortable but outright dangerous, for beauty
however
"the vast majority" is a key difference here. most women don't get lip fillers, especially not to the point of looking cartoonish. most of us, regardless of gender, look at that and cringe. corsets were worn with the ubiquity of bras, and I cannot emphasize that enough. so it's hardly the same thing
and as for comfort...well, that's a moving target. I can't say "X garment is comfortable" and leave it at that, because different people find comfort in different things. and we all have different bodies, to boot. I don't find stiletto heels comfortable, and most people agree with me on that. I also don't find sweatpants comfortable, though- they're mostly polyester and therefore overly warm to me, and they make me mentally uncomfortable to wear because they're so far outside of what makes me feel happy and confident
and anyway, the media isn't saying that corsets were UncomfyTM. that's not engaging with the actual message. they're saying corsets were TORTURE. that they made women faint all the time! that they killed us! that they broke ribs and chafed us bloody! and that they did all of this regardless of how one wore them, because this is just How Corsets Always Work!
which is...demonstrably not true. some women did tightlace. that cannot be denied and I wouldn't try to. but go back to the filler situation- it's not everyone. and even some women who were willing to put up with tightlacing for special occasions wouldn't do it every day. some brides wear Spanx for their weddings now, who wouldn't touch the stuff 99% of the time
would it have happened, period, if it wasn't comfortable? yes, easily. but that's the wrong question
would it have been as ubiquitous as wearing a bra is today if it were a hellish pain-nightmare across the board? absolutely not
#history#Marzi's On About Corsets Again#fashion history#dress history#clothing history#corsets#also ask me about the dentist who probably killed a young maid with a nitrous overdose and then blamed it on her corset#and how she's gone down in history as Proof Of Death-By-Corset even though the facts of the case are EXTREMELY fishy
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nix actively hating his archival/listening ability; but he does value it in some regards 'i recall your favorite flower cuz you mentioned it in passing like 5 weeks ago between lamenting an scuff on your shoe and telling me to stop biting the edge of my knife'
#<< falling apart at the seams i cant deny >> headcanons#(you know it shows in how sometimes he gets so snappy if somebody is like monologue mode)#(way it just shuts off sometimes for certain situations to try preserve sanity etc)#(yet he doesnt exactly win when tries to purposefully tune out most the time- its gotta be external reasons)#(the way 'human' nix doesnt have it as much- so when remembers etc he is very much not thrilled)#('you mean to tell me i'm just going to remember the stupidest things i hear Daily? for the rest of forever that's actually hellish')
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I saw ur recent post n dw I got u w the requests💪🏽
Could we get a Cho Hyun-Ju x f!reader where we know each other before the games n are already friends? We wake up w the rest of the players n get close to Dae-ho who quickly becomes one of our best friends n Hyun-Ju noticed n becomes jealous of how quick we got along w him which causes tension w her that the rest of the group can feel except us cuz were so oblivious to the point that we have to be pushed to Hyun-Ju n ask her whats wrong which leads to her spilling n some suggestive stuff?
★ : jealous girl"
featuring: hyun-ju cho x reader, mentions of dae-ho x reader.
summary: you and your best friend hyun-ju were both at the mercy of this horrible game in order to pay your debts. However, in the middle of the game, you found comfort in the presence of another person, which sparked some unwanted feelings inside hyun-ju's heart.
warnings: none.
A/N: I sneaked a mouthwashing reference in the middle of the text, can you find it?
★ . ★ . ★ . ★
➤ Staying at this hellish place was not for the frail or for the weak, both physically and mentally. You had already finished 3 games, and you simply couldn't wait to go back to your precious home, as you finally realized how much you missed it.
But things weren't completely lost, at least you hoped so. You still had your precious friend with you, and that eased your spirits. She was mature, collected, and always knew what to do. It was like she had a natural leadership. It gave you a comforting sensation knowing that you had her.
Well, you had some other idiot too.
Dae-ho was like an useless ray of sunshine. His positive humor and personality were a contrast with the harsh reality of this dark place. You quickly found a good relationship with him. Before you even realized, you were spending time with him, sharing food and starting conversations. His presence, albeit childish, calmed you down a lot more than you would expect.
And that didn't go unnoticed by hyun-ju.
She had formed a nice, small group with her former partners. An old lady named Jang geum-ja, with her son, Yonsik, and a small girl named young-mi kim (who you managed to save last second in mingle by pulling her to your room). You grew very found of them, but that didn't mean Hyun-ju felt the same with your former partner. Quite the opposite.
She couldn't stand the overgrowing jealousy inside her. You two only were friends, her feelings didn't matter on this situation. She shouldn't get jealous of a partner she didn't have.
She just wished you spent more time with her. She just wished you spent less time with him. She just wished you paid more attention to her. She just wished-... Dang it.
Her feelings didn't go unnoticed by people, anyone could notice her bold feelings. Anyone but you. Everyone in the room could read her growing jealousy, everyone could notice her gentle stares at you and the not-so-gentle glares she sent in Dae-ho's direction. Again, everyone but you.
-
You, Jun-hee (a friendly pregnant player who you had grow really protective of.), Geum-ja and Hyun-ju were at the female bathroom. After a couple of minutes, both ladies had left the bathroom, but not before wishing goodnight and to take care to both of you. Leaving only you and Hyun-ju alone in the immense bathroom, full of multiple cubicles painted a nice shade of pink.
You could notice her not-so-friendly stare to her own reflection at the mirror. You knew she was having one of those insecure moments were her dysphoria was hitting her like a ton of bricks. But before you could protest any further, you heard her quiet voice mutter to you.
"... What is your relationship with him?"
The silence that invaded the room was so heavy it could be cut with a knife. You were half confused and half in shock. You two were friends, sure. And friends talked about crushes right? Right. But this... This didn't seem like the case. You, after a few seconds of contemplation, finally managed to get a response out.
"What do you mean, Hyu-" before you could even finish your sentence, you were harshly pinned to the wall of one of the cubicles. Her bigger frame towering above you.
"Do you know how you make me feel? Can't you feel it? Can't you notice it?" your confusion was quickly shattered as you finally could connect the pieces together.
Hyun-ju cho liked you.
And, at this moment, she was jealous.
You mentally facepalmed as you didn't have the capacity to realize it sooner. On one side, you felt like a stupid, idiot buffoon. On the other, your insides felt like melting at the realization that the love of your life felt the same way too.
You almost forgot the situation you were on as a quiet grunt pulled you out of your daydreams. Ah, right, she was still mad.
You gently put your hands on her cheeks, her expression softening almost immediately. You slowly start pulling her face down, and her body immediately obeys your subtle command.
"I love you, Hyun-ju."
It was the unasked, but obvious reassurance that she needed at the moment. Her body immediately bends to you, laying her face to your neck and snuggling her body as close as she could manage to yours.
"now, let's go back, we need to-" she again interrupted you. But this time, you could say you were more pleased than offended.
"don't think i can simply let you go after everything." she says, gently biting on your shoulder after a few seconds.
"uh...?" you silent question was quickly aswered by a harsh grope to your butt.
"i know you more than you know yourself, my dear. Don't think i don't realize how you used to stare at me before we entered here."
You were dumbfounded, unable to do any movement due to shock and a hundred of other feelings you couldn't describe properly.
But none of them were bad.
Your small paradise was quickly interrupted by a loud banging agaisnt the door, followed by a harsh voice.
"player 120, player [number], back to your dormitory, now!"
★ . ★ . ★ . ★
A/N: i suck so bad at doing suggestive themes. Sorry.
#hyun ju x reader#cho hyun-ju x reader#player 120#cho hyunju#cho hyun ju x reader#squid game headcanons#squid game x y/n#squid game
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mistletoe kisses with caitlyn kiramman
you glanced outside the kitchen window, looking out at the horizon as beautiful white snow flurried down and covered the city.
“it’s so peaceful.” you turned back around to face your girlfriend as she continued to frost the gingerbread cookies she baked.
“yeah, unlike decorating these hellish cookies.” caitlyn let out a frustrated sigh before placing the tube of red frosting on the kitchen island.
you walked behind her and put your arms around her, pulling her back up against your chest. caitlyn immediately melted into your touch, her frustration slowly fizzing away. “they’re just cookies, cait. stop stressing.”
“yes, darling, they’re just cookies.” she paused and turned around to face you. “cookies that i’m supposed to give to your parents when i meet them for the first time tomorrow! your entire family expects them for dessert since you mentioned i baked them.” she continued, starting to stress herself out once again as she repeated the situation.
“baby, they’re don’t care about some cookies. they’ll love you regardless of what you make or don’t make.” you held back a small giggle at her pouting lips, “just take some deep breaths.” you touched your forehead to hers. “i promise, they’re so excited to meet you.”
she closed her eyes and nodded. “are you sure?” her voice spoke in a low whisper.
“very sure.”
caitlyn opened her eyes to look into your eyes, “i love you.”
you smiled brightly and reached into your pocket, pulling out a small mistletoe bunch you had bought from a market earlier in the day. caitlyn gave you a confused look, her eyebrows scrunching up. “i love you too.” you laughed, holding the mistletoe above the two of you. she opened her mouth to question you further, but you quickly stopped her, “you gotta kiss under the mistletoe.”
caitlyn bit her lip to hold back her laughter, instead opting to listen to you and cup your face with her hands, pulling you into a passionate kiss.
#this was so bad and short but errr it’s my comeback after centuries of no new works so have patience#best time to make my comeback is xmas 😸#x reader#fanfic#fanfiction#arcane x reader#caitlyn kiramman x reader#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#arcane fanfic#arcane fluff
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Kisses with Ellie: Headcannons
She’s such a cutie so I had to make this. I tried to make it cannon but idk if it’s accurate 🤷♀️
• Jackson Ellie would definitely kiss you sweetly and softly and there are some times kisses would get heated(referring to the couch scene tbh) and she’d just end up on top of you with her tongue smothering yours. She would like holding your face while kissing you and forever would she have the cutest smile plastered on her face after.
• Seattle Ellie probably wouldn’t kiss you😭 like honestly let’s be real she doesn’t really have much time for that, maybe some small pecks before she has to go do something to help her search, but she’s still grieving and the most you would get is a few kisses from her when she was in a better mood. However, you at least know when you do get those small kisses that it’s special, and that she’s genuine with it. She makes sure you know she still loves you when the situation is hellish.
• Farm Ellie would be ALLLL over you. Neck kisses, shoulders, cheeks, your face. She’d constantly be kissing your lips, from stealing soft little pecks when you’re busy to having hour long mind-blowing make-out sessions when you’re supposed to be asleep in bed. She loves giving you long, deep kisses and trying her best to take her time when in reality it’ll just end with her tongue practically shoved into your mouth and some teeth clashing. She’s not a rough lover in my opinion but she gets really excited and caught up in the moment, sometimes she’ll leave you with accidental hickies when she’s macking on your neck but who really cares because who’s gonna see them? The clickers?
• Santa Barbara Ellie also probably wouldn’t care about kissing, but to be fair it’s harder to truly know because we didn’t get to really see her interact romantically during this era. But Santa Barbara is my favorite so I’m making stuff up for fun idc🙏 Santa Barbara Ellie would probably be the rougher kisser. I think she wouldn’t even care to put a filter into her head, so she’d be the type to bite on your bottom lip, and her kisses wouldn’t be from a place of love but from pure need or the need to have a distraction. She wants to be temporarily distracted from her decision to leave the farm, she wants to forget about her grief, and she needs some way to just take out her anger.
• Epilogue Ellie wouldn’t kiss either because she NEEDS the kisses. She would need you to kiss her forehead or cheek and take care of her, but probably wouldn’t admit to any of that. I honestly think she just needs a big hug though. A huge hug and someone to be there for her because she’s already lost everyone dear to her.
#ellie tlou#tlou2#ellie williams#ellie the last of us#ellie x reader#ellie x you#ellie x y/n#ellie x fem reader#ellie headcanons#the last of us part 2#tlou 2
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