#it was good except i definitely have covid now

[stinkrascal]

we’re finally going home oh god i cant wait to be in bed

[atlafan]

Yes yes plz!! What about a holiday blurb of doctorry and patient y/n during the holidays? He is her doctor on Xmas or NYE 🧐 thoughts?

I sort of missed answering prompts???? Thanks for sending this in, I hope you like it! I ended up going with NYE

Warnings: mentions of blood, clumsiness, and smut!

-----------------------------------------------

Y/N isn't normally one to complain. Any time she thinks to, "Kim, there are people that are dying", swarms through her head.

The night started off so promising. Y/N was headed to a friend's part for NYE. Her friend's apartment has a great view of the fireworks. She was also excited because her friend said a very cute guy that Y/N should definitely meet would be attending. Not that Y/N is shallow, but when her friend said the man in question was a doctor, well, Y/N got a little giddy.

She was all dressed up and ready to go. A sequin dress, dark tights, and heels accompanied with a bold red lipstick. She was feeling good. A few friends thought it would be fun to pregame before going to the party. Just a few shots with the girlies, nothing crazy. Y/N was nervous to meet the doctor, so she had no qualms with pregaming.

Except, on the way to the party, since she was a little tipsy, Y/N stripped and fell on the sidewalk. Why they didn't just take an Uber, she'll never know. Her friends laughed until they saw Y/N's face. Her lips busted open and it's bleeding, her tights ripped at her knees, and one of them was gushing blood. And on top of all that, one of her heels broke. Her friends scooped her up, ordered an Uber, and took her to the emergency room.

Her knees were stinging, her lip was throbbing, and she;s just noticing how scraped up her palms are. She's trying to keep cool in front of her friends. This is a huge delay in their plans, and she feels terrible that it's because of her. Not to mention, what if the cute doctor guy ends up talking to some other girl because Y/N is stuck at the hospital.

One of the nurses gave her a compress to keep against the knee that was heavily bleeding while one of her friends helped fill out some forms.

"Guys, go on ahead to the party," she told them, "I'll be fine."

"We're not leaving you, Y/N. It's not even 9PM, we have plenty of time to get to Francesca's." One of her friends said.

"Y/N Y/L/N?" A nurse says her name blandly, no urgency, just annoyance in her tone.

"That's me." Y/N says, and stands up. One of her friends is ready to go with her, but the nurse holds up her hand.

"Just the patient, unless you're family. We still have some COVID procedures here."

Y/N followed the nurse into a small room where she took her vitals. Y/N was still actively bleeding from her knee and lip, but the nurse didn't seem to care, or think it was that big of a deal.

"Alright, the doctor should be in shortly." The nurse and leaves the room before Y/N can ask any questions.

It takes ten minutes until she hears a knock on the door and the doctor comes in.

"Hi, sorry. I was halfway out the door when they asked me to stay, so I had to get back into my scrubs and..." The doctor looks at Y/N who is now sobbing. She's been silently crying for about five minutes, but now the floodgates are open. "You must be in a lot of pain." He sits on the stool and scoots over to her. "Let's take a look at that knee."

"I'm s-sorry." She cries. "I ruined my own night, my friends' night, and now yours." She hiccups, then hisses when the doctor takes the compress off her knee.

"You didn't ruin my night, don't worry." He gets up and puts some gloves on, then grabs the necessary items needed to clean the wound. "This'll sting a little. Feel free to grab my shoulder or something if you need something to hold onto."

"Do you think I'll need stitch-ow!" Out of instinct, she presses his chest with her foot and pushes him back. "What the hell?!"

"I told you it would sting." He looks down at his scrubs that now have a wet footprint on it. "Where are your shoes?"

"In the lobby with my friends. One of my heels broke, so I just walked without them. And that was more than a sting! That was, like, a bee sting, much worse than a regular sting."

"Your skin's probably just raw. What even happened, how did you get like this?"

"I tripped and fell. Ah!" This time she grabs onto his hair and tugs hard as he continues to clean up her knee.

The doctor takes a deep breath and removes Y/N's hand from his head. "I said you could grab my shoulder."

"It hurts!"

"I have to cut your stockings a bit so I can get a look at your entire knee." He scoots back, grabs scissors, then scoots back to her. "I hope you weren't attached to these."

"They're ruined anyways. Go on, cut away."

"So, what'd you trip on?"

"Myself." She groans. "We were leaving a pregame before heading to a party at my friend's apartment."

"Ah, been there." He stretches the material until it tares. He can see how swollen Y/N's knee is. "This swelled up like a cantaloupe, no wonder it hurts so much. Did you land right on the cap?"

"Yeah, and then I skidded." She wipes under her eyes and pouts. "I must look like a racoon."

"You don't." He looks up at her briefly. "You won't need stitches, but you need some skin glue and a bandage. I'll take care of this first, then we can take care of your lip. It looks like it's clotted, so you're not bleeding now."

"Okay." She sighs and slumps a little. "You never told me your name."

"Oh! Sorry." He squeezes the glue onto his gloved finger and puts it on the wound. "I'm Dr. Styles."

"Styles? Is...is your first name Harry?"

"Yeah." He's busy concentrating on closing her wound, so he doesn't see the horrified look on her face. He puts the bandage over it and presses it firmly.

"This wasn't how I was supposed to meet you." She slides her hands down her face.

"We were supposed to meet?" He looks up at her, confused.

"Yes, I'm Y/N Y/L/N...my friend, who's having the party I was going to, was supposed to set us up tonight."

"Your Francesca's friend Y/N?" He smiles. "That's crazy. I was on my way to the party when they told me to stay and help you. Guess it was fate, one way or another."

"I'm a mess..."

"You had an accident." He chuckles and stands up once her knee is secure. He grips her chin to get a better look at her lip. "Top lip's the one that's busted. You're swollen here too. I'll give you some ice in a bit."

"Does it need a stitch?"

"Nope, but I'll put some glue on it so it can heal a little faster. I'm gonna clean this up. It shouldn't hurt like your knee, but it'll still sting." He gets a cotton pad wet with some alcohol, "Now that I know we were technically supposed to be on a blind date tonight, feel free to tug at my hair all you want." He smirks, and Y/N's cheeks redden.

"Jesus!" She hisses as he cleans up her lip.

"You're kind of a baby." He dabs at her lip a few more times, then gets some glue onto his gloved finger. "What do you do for work?"

"I am a baby, I'll admit it. I have a very low tolerance for pain. I'm in IT, I work for that Norton company, the one that protects your computer from malware."

"Wow, that's a huge company. Good for you. Do you, like, code, or...?"

"Sort of. I basically figure out how hackers hack so I can build a stronger code that hackers can't hack."

"You know, while you were talking, I finished taking care of your lip. Guess you're someone that needs a distraction."

"Yeah, guess so. Um, thank you."

"You're welcome." He sits back down on the stool and just looks at her. "I have a sort of wild idea. You're pretty banged up and don't have shoes, and I'm honestly not a fan of huge parties. So, what if I take you home so you can change into something more comfortable, I'll order us some takeout, then we can go back to mine to watch the fireworks. I have a decent view, might even be better than Francesca's."

"I kicked you, screamed, and almost ripped your hair out, and you still want to spend the night together?"

"Y/N, I'm gonna be completely honest, if we weren't at my place of work, I'd lock the door and rip your tights open in a much more private area."

"Oh." Her heart starts racing. "Well, uh, considering that I won't be able to get on my knees tonight, I guess you'll have to."

Harry grins and stands up. "I'm gonna let the nurse know you're all set so you can check out. Wait for me out front in the lobby. I just need to change and grab my stuff. I'm parking in the hospital's garage."

"Alright."

Once Y/N is back with her friends, she tells them everything and lets them know they can leave and that she'll check in throughout the night.

Harry drives Y/N home in a comfortable silence. She was grateful Harry wasn't talking her ear off. She just wanted to focus on pressing the ice pack he gave her to her knee.

"I'd offer to go up with you, but I really want to make it to my place." He tells her.

"No worries. I won't be long. I'm just gonna grab a different pair of shoes and throw some sweats into a bag. I can just change when we get there."

"Works for me."

Y/N goes as quickly as she can to get up to her apartment, grab what she needs, and get back down to Harry's care. In reality, it was barely ten minutes.

Harry pulls up to his building about twenty minutes later, and hands his keys to the valet.

"Oh, so you're like, rich, rich." Y/N jokes.

"You live in a nice building too." Harry laughs. "I like knowing my car is safe in the building's garage, and it's so easy to hand the keys to the valet. "Our takeout will be brought up to my door. I got tons of different Chinese food. Does that work?"

"Chinese food is perfect."

They head into the elevator and ride up to Harry's floor. He leads her into his condo and gets her a glass of water.

"This is a great place." She tells him.

"Thanks, I like it a lot."

"And there's your view, your couch is in the perfect spot." Y/N goes over to it and sits down. Harry sits down next to her. He puts his arm around her shoulders.

"Is this okay?" He asks softly.

"Yeah." Her eyes flit to his lips. "How am I supposed to kiss you with my busted lip?"

"Your bottom lip isn't busted." He reaches with his free hand and presses his thumb into it. "Wanna give it a try?"

"Yes." She nods and lets her eyes flutter closed.

Harry's lips gently takes Y/N's bottom lip between them. The tip of his tongue swipes over it before giving it a little suck. He pulls back to look at her. "Okay?"

"Yeah, do it again." She slides her arms around his neck and pulls him close.

Y/N parts her lips and licks into Harry's mouth. He moans softly against her and grips her jaw. They both sink into it a little more, but Y/N whimpers and pulls back.

"This is so annoying." She frowns. "It hurts too much."

"How's your neck feel?"

"Fine, why?"

"Can I kiss you there?"

"Yes." She nods. "And I work from home, so you can leave marks."

"You get better by the second." He grinned and leaned forward to start kissing on her neck.

He licks up the side and nips at the spot just under her earlobe. Y/N slides her fingers into Harry's hair and moans as his teeth graze her skin.

"Can't handle an alcohol wipe to a wound, but you're panting like a dog from getting your neck bitten." He smirks. "Interesting."

"I'm a very complex person."

"I can see that." He looks down between them, then back up at her. "Can I go down on you?"

"What?!" She laughs. "Why, so you can do it for two seconds and pretend like you did me a huge favor just to get your dick wet?"

"Um, no, because I like it and I want to taste you and make you feel good."

"Be serious."

"I am." He puts his hand on her shoulder and lays her down. "Let me prove it."

"Be my guest." She opens her legs. "Rip them like you said you would have."

Harry rucks up the skirt of Y/N's dress and gets a grip on the crotch of her tights. He rips them easily and is delighted to see her bare cunt. He spits down onto it and puts his mouth on her, sucking his spit back in, then spitting it into her. He drags his tongue up her clit and swirls the tip of his tongue around it. He spreads her legs wider, pressing his large hands into her thighs. He moans as he sucks on her clit, and moans harder when he feels her fingers suddenly tugging at his roots.

He brings his tongue back down to her opening and licks inside, sucking on her entire pussy. Y/N moans and writhes under him, feeling squirmy and hot and good. His tongue curls up against her spongey front wall and he brings his thumb to her clit to rub on.

"Oh, shit." She gasps and arches her back. "Fuck, just like that, don't stop." Her head moves from side to side and her hips roll towards Harry's mouth. She tugs on his hair and pushes his face harder against her. He moans and chuckles lowly into her, eating her sloppily without a care in the world. "I'm getting close." She mewls. "Please, don't stop. Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, dddddohhhhhh my god!" She comes around his tongue in waves, grinding herself down against him.

Harry pulls back just a touch, licking and sucking over Y/N's folds, then brings himself to hover over her. He pecks her lips. His nose squishes to her and they both smile. The doorbell rings and they both sit up.

"That's the food." Harry says.

"Great. I bet it's piping hot."

"Definitely."

"So, it'll need time to cool down." She stands up with him. "Maybe we could continue this in your bedroom to pass the time?"

And that's how Y/N ended up missing the fireworks at Francesca's party. She missed them at Harry's as well, but that was only because he was fucking into her so deeply that he was able to give her a vaginal orgasm. 2024 is going to be a great year, she can feel it.

[pocketmania]

So I managed to catch covid despite my best efforts and with it on type of my other chronic illnesses I feel like shit and am somewhat delirious.

As a result I am humbly requesting some illness comfort hcs for splatoon. Your choice on characters but I'd like it if you at least include Dedf1sh. Gender neutral or nonbinary reader please.

Thank you for your service 🫡

Man, that sucks. I'm so sorry you've been feeling so icky, anon. I hope you make a speedy recovery and feel better <3 !!

I'm gonna do all of the idols (including Big Man) because I don't wanna leave everyone out + I feel like they'd all have some unique way of going about your illnesses. I'm also so sorry for the wait! I've been busy recently, so I'm sorry (to everyone) if posting and responding is slow!

Now onto the thingy

‎‧₊˚✧[ The Idols W/ a Sick!Reader ]✧˚₊‧

(🎨🔫👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💭) - splatoon headcanons

(reader type) - gender neutral

‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

- - - - - - -

Callie

♨ Callie is the type of person to follow all those clichés you see on T.V.

♨ Shrimp soup, ice pack on the head, thermometer in the mouth, absolutely no moving or leaving your room whatsoever, all that stuff

♨ She's not a doctor but she thinks she might be able to help

♨ The MILLISECOND she hears you sniff or cough, it is straight to bed with you

♨ If you throw up or something she'll be there to hold your tentacles back (if they're long enough)

♨ If she sees you out of bed other than to go to the bathroom she will throw a FIT and drag you back to bed

♨ She will do all the chores in the house and will cook for you, regardless if it's just a common cold or not

♨ You got sick around the time Grizz was defeated, so she had a lot of free time other than the occasional acting gig and the release of Wave Goodbye.

♨ Checks up on you every second

♨ Cuddles with you despite knowing she'll get sick too

♨ ❝ Quit it, you idiot! You're gonna catch a bug!

♨ ❝ Guess who doesn't care! ♪"

♨ She shares all the drama and gossip she's heard when she gets home if she has stuff to do

♨ Keeps you company while you rot in bed <3

Marie

♨ She's a lot more lenient than Callie, let's just make that clear

♨ Marie believes that, as long as you're not on the brink of death and it's a simple symptom, you don't have to be bedridden.

♨ You got sick around the time Grizz was defeated as well, so she had a lot of free time, too

♨ Except Thursday nights, because that's when she has her podcast "Marie After Midnight"

♨ You're allowed to help with chores, but she does all the cooking

♨ Mutualism, y'know?

♨ Also shares drama and gossip with you that she's heard while out and stuff as she checks your temperature n' all

♨ ❝ So then she said that she broke up with him-oops, you've got a fever-but then she was seen kissing him, like, an hour later!"

♨ She's still physical with you. She just keeps her distance a lot more

♨ She may not be a doctor, but she's certainly your personal nurse

Pearl

♨ The moment she found out you were sick it was a direct trip to MakoMart for medicine

♨ Her diagnosis was that you hadn't been treating yourself very well

♨ Pearl definitely isn't experienced with taking care of people medically since she grew up rich and didn't really have to do any of that stuff

♨ She knows about medicine and bandages and that's about it

♨ Buys literally all the medicine in stock

♨ Only the best medical care for her pookie wookie

♨ She does all the cooking and cleaning. She doesn't give a slug's ass what you came down with. You are not overworking yourself on her watch

♨ You got sick just before Off the Hook went on tour, so it threw a small wrench into the plan, but that was alright!

♨ She could make it work! (With the help of time management from Marina)

♨ Pearl isn't too good at cooking by the way, so it'll just be fruit or something that doesn't require more effort than a microwave and boiling water

♨ ❝ Okay, so I accidentally set the water on fire, so it'll just be fruit instead of noodles today.

♨ ❝ You what???

♨ But yeah give her a chance she tries her best </3

Marina

♨ Marina is probably the most medically trained person on this list

♨ Becomes a professional mother

♨ You also got sick around the time Off the Hook was going on tour, so that made her a bit busier since she had to work on the tour, the memverse, and make sure you didn't die

♨ So what did she prescribe? Love, it was the only medicine! That and prednisone

♨ She's almost as lenient as Marie but as caring as Callie

♨ Since she was in the military, she learned a bunch of ways to treat sick people, so she's a wiz at this

♨ She doesn't want you completely immobilized, so she lets you help with chores and cooking

♨ Will check in with you every once is a while, but when she does she asks a gazillion questions at a time

♨ ❝ Hey, (N/N), are you feeling any better? Are you hungry, thirsty, do you have a headache? Do you need medicine? Are you too hot, too cold?

♨ ❝ Just trying to process everything you just said.

♨ Makes songs dedicated to you and sings them at concerts (which always make you feel better)

Shiver

♨ Shiver, being the youngest of the Hohojiro family, doesn't know all that much about medicine

♨ But she tries her best, especially for you! Is that a lie? No!

♨ She definitely gets advice from Frye and Big Man. They even help take care of you sometimes

♨ She makes a bit more of a deal about it than she should

♨ You got sick around the leader splatfest (that goes for all of Deep Cut), so of course Shiver was all over you during the halftime break

♨ ❝ (N/N)? Please tell me you're okay! You haven't thrown up, right? Do you have a fever? I could get you some water and a fan if you do!

♨ She asked when all you wanted was a Crabby Cake.

♨ Shiver, no matter how much she loves you, will never admit that she had to get help from someone else

♨ Takes you everywhere just so you're in her sight, even while she's out banditting

♨ Orders Master Mega (or one of the Deep Cut members) to carry you around everywhere

♨ She mostly cooks you spicy food, even if it's mild

♨ Shiver is always cold (as her name kinda suggests) so she'll hug you when you get too hot

♨ Will buy you anything and everything you want, just like Pearl would

♨ Basically your gremlin helper

Frye

♨ Frye's family has a bunch of remedies that probably aren't safe to the public

♨ Big Man has repeatedly told her not to use these remedies as a last resort

♨ ❝ Just take 3 of these a day, she says as she holds up what is possibly the most toxic food known to inkling and octoling kind

♨ Other than that, she's good at treating people. Like i said before, she's got siblings, so she kinda had to be

♨ Frye's like Marie when it comes to stuff like this because she also believes that, as long as you're not on your death bed, you'll be fine

♨ With that said, she will not hesitate to carry you around and do everything for you

♨ ❝ Oh, yeah, no, straight to bed! C'mon, I'll carry you! You can work, but don't overwork yourself, man! I'll finish cleaning the dishes, just don't die on me!

♨ ❝ Frye, all I said was,'I feel kinda hot'.

♨ Just like with Shiver, the rest of Deep Cut helps out with taking care of you, too

♨ She mostly cooks you sweet food

♨ Frye is a human heater (as her name kinda suggests), so she'll hug you when you get cold

♨ Trust me when I say she'll barely treat you any different from when you weren't sick

♨ She'll still throw her banter-punches and lean on you and shake you and all

♨ Just be ready to take care of her when she gets sick from that :,]

Big Man

♨ Probably the most caring person on this list next to Marina

♨ He is a LOT more normal out of the other two members of Deep Cut

♨ And since he's a naturally caring person he makes a great caretaker

♨ Big Man's family definitely has remedies they use, too. Except these remedies are actually safe to use on people

♨ Mostly cooks you sour food, even if it's mild

♨ He is always prepared; he's got tons of medicine and tissues for when you guys go out together (and barf bags..)

♨ Big Man believes you're a capable person, so he'll also let you help with chores and cooking until he sees that you're tired/dizzy

♨ Then he'll send you right back to bed and spend the rest of the day caring for you

♨ ❝ Ay? Ay ay. ((N/N)? Do you need anything? More water, or more blankets?)

♨ ❝ I'd like for you to just be with me, if that's okay.

♨ Starts gushing over the entire thing and spends the rest of the day with you. Chores can come at the end

♨ At that moment, you thought you were cured

Acht

♨ There are a lot of people on this list who let you fend for yourself holy hell

♨ You got sick just after the Side Order DLC would've been completed, so Acht didn't have anything better to do than hang out with Marina or make music

♨ Acht seems like a "tough love" kinda character (that's also very caring at the same time), so that's why I feel like they'd be another character like that

♨ Though they still cook and clean for you from time to time! Albeit they're.. not the best cook..

♨ (You're better off ordering out.)

♨ Sometimes, if they think you've worked enough, they'll throw you over the shoulder and carry you

♨ Acht doesn't know medicine as well as Marina (considering they're a dropout) so they go to Marina for advice

♨ Acht might fuck up the procedure once or twice, but it all works out in the end! They try, trust me

♨ Also keeps you company while you rot away in bed

♨ Lets you suggest music for them to make (and its always good)

♨ Not always prepared but always ready to seek out the things you need

♨ ❝ Hey, you need tissues? Alright, lemme see if I have some.

♨ The combination of their personality and the way they care for you makes you oh-so-happy

♨ Even after you've gotten better, you still think you're sick.. sick with love that is

♨ Corny, I know, but it's true

- - - - - - -

‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

[southangel]

Heyo!

I don't know if you write about familiar stuff (I guess it counts as a platonic topic), but if you do, can I request the Broship as single fathers and what it would be like to be their kid? How would each of them handle being a single parent?

Cheers!

Main 4 Being their kid

Warnings: mentions of drinking/drugs

Notes: No gender mentioned, so gender-neutral by default. This was a little time-consuming to write, luckily I had a lot of free time today! Ran out of ideas for Cartman though.

Stan Marsh

As we’ve already seen from Post Covid, Stan is in some ways similar and different from his childlike self.

Having a child is stressful enough, but being a single parent on top of it just adds more to the cake.

As much as he cares and wants to raise you correctly, he’s terrified of becoming like his father.

Randy was never a good dad, and it affected Stan mentally where he almost considered never wanting children.

I see Stan as more protective than he was as a kid. He doesn’t want anything harmful to happen to you like what happened to him, so he tries to shield you from it in a way that isn’t incredibly overbearing.

He wants the best for you, and he wants you to be happy in life. Stan often tries to keep a balance when taking care of you, trying to raise you to be respectful and have the best personality in all the right areas.

Stan would be the kind of father to play his guitar for you until you fall asleep, or even introduce and influence you to pick up your own instrument.

Sometimes the stress and negative thoughts catch up with him, he doesn’t feel like he’s a good father and he feels as if he’s slowly becoming Randy.

He turns to his old childlike habits, drinking and mentally losing himself without even noticing, it’s by instinct.

Stan doesn’t want to be like this, and he doesn’t want to you to see him like this, especially when you’re still young.

Once you get older, it’s when you see Stan like this that you realize maybe he’s the one needing comfort.

Stan doesn’t necessarily ever want you to meet his friends, Kyle is an exception.

He thinks their bad influences, and he only wants the best for you! Besides, if Kyle has a kid as well, then maybe you could both hangout together.

He tries to let you be as carefree as possible, letting you do as you wish as you grow older.

Stan doesn’t want to seem like a typical adult once you start considering love interests, but he just doesn’t want you to get your heart broken.

It’s happened to him, multiple times.

He just wants to prepare you and make sure that you’re absolutely sure on what you’re doing in this stage of your life.

You’re the reason Stan keeps going, and he wants to be the best dad he ever can.

“Oh, what happened to your Grandpa? Let’s talk about something else..”

Kyle Broflovski

Kyle is definitely a hot topic, as I personally see him as the best dad out of the Main 4, single or not.

I see him as very fatherly, or more family oriented than the rest. It makes sense when you see how he takes care of Ike.

Kyle has never really been one with romantic luck, and I guess it carried on in his adulthood since now he’s a single father with you as his child.

The first thing that i’ll say is that Kyle wants the best for you. His parents wanted the best for him, and look where he is now.

He wants you to be the best, getting top scores and grades on all your assignments and work.

At some point it feels overbearing even.. Constant pushing and pressuring to be the best, how long until you can’t handle it.

Eventually Kyle tries to let you be, but reassures you that he’s only like this because he wants the best for you, you’re his kid!

You know he wants the best for you, and that he only means well..

I see Kyle as the most protective out of the Main 4, but that doesn’t mean he’s intense with it.

He just wants to make sure you aren’t in any trouble or harm, and he wants to help you if you are.

Kyle wants to support you in all of your hobbies and dreams, no matter what they are.

Even after countless years, Kyle still has dreams or thoughts of Cartman coming back to somehow screw with him again, this time being with you.

Part of this is why he never wants to introduce you to his friends just like Stan, but he is partially open to Stan..

Since it was confirmed in Post Covid that Kyle became a counselor, I believe that he would be perfect at comforting you with any troubles or worries you could have ever had.

If you ever have problems or troubles, who else can you really tell other than him? He’s your dad after all, he understands.

Once you start exploring and finding love interests, he wants to support you with it as much as he possibly can.

Kyle never had much luck in romance his entire life, so he wants you to have a different fate.

He hopes you can be happy in life, all he wants is to satisfy you in this lifetime.

Even with all this, Kyle genuinely really cares about you, and he’ll always love you no matter what you decide to do with your life.

“What’s wrong? You know you can always talk to me.”

Kenny Mccormick

Personally, I also see Kenny as a good dad as well.

Kenny as really been through a lot, and he doesn’t want you to experience what he did as a child.

His childhood was incredibly rough, poor lifestyle in an abusive and unstable household that was the worst combination for him.

Even though Kenny has been through so much, he still manages to attempt and cheer up his family like Karen, and I see the same for you.

Even though now as an adult he’s doing much better, he still carries on to the caring and compassionate traits.

Kenny wants to spoil and get you all the things he could never have as a kid, but still wants to make sure you aren’t spoilt.

I think he would be okay with you meeting his friends, not Cartman though.

Kenny has been shown to do numerous things for money in the past, and I feel like he would do the same for you.

Instead of money as a reward, his reward would be having you happy and content.

He’s used to amounts of crying in his childhood, but it still hurts when he sees you cry.

Kenny feels as if he’s done something wrong, and similar to Stan, he doesn’t know what to do and feels lost.

He is more mentally stable than Stan though, he pushed through it and still takes care of you as best as he ever will.

Kenny has had multiple love interests throughout his lifetime, but never really found that perfect one.

Once you start growing up and gaining crushes, he would support you in finding love like Kyle, but he would be more weary about it.

He just wants to make sure that you’re okay and safe when finding the right person, your safety and happiness means the most to him.

Let’s not forget about his death curse..

Unfortunately, Kenny’s curse of always dying as a kid carries on to his adulthood, constantly killing him.

He remembers how you would cry every time and get traumatized by his death, but then suddenly forgetting about it the next morning.

Kenny eventually discovered that he had a less chance of dying once wearing less of the color orange.

He wants you to make the most of your life, exploring and experimenting with possibilities.

Kenny would be the type of dad to try finding hobbies that you like. One time he tried baking with you, it was pretty fun for the most part! The house almost burnt down.

With all this, Kenny would be a pretty good father, single or not. He cares about you with his life, and that’s all that matters.

“What do you think about pets? A cat maybe?”

Eric Cartman

Cartman is a huge handful, and he can be difficult in so many ways.

It’s not a surprise that he’s the worst dad here, but makes you the worst kid as well.

I genuinely don’t see him as a good dad, unless we’re talking about Post Covid before that future was replaced.

Cartman might make some effort to care, but it definitely won’t be a lot. He either does nothing or something, no in between.

He is not the protective type, possibly the exact opposite on the scale when he feels like it. Though there are times he shows care for you, it’s rare though.

Cartman is known to be manipulative, and he will guilt trip you in any way once you’ve gotten on his nerves, mostly talking about how hard it is being a dad and trying to connect with you.

When you were a child, you accidentally crashed into Kyle’s car with Cartman’s, he was actually proud of you.

I see Cartman as the type of dad to ask you to pass the remote while he’s sitting arm length away from it, purposely knowing you’re in the other room.

He wouldn’t necessarily care to have you meet his friends, the only benefit he really sees is rubbing it in Kyle’s face that he has a kid while he doesn’t.

Even thought Cartman isn’t a good father or person in general, there are times where he genuinely feels a want to take his role seriously and raise you properly.

It’s not like he neglects you, it’s just that he doesn’t really care or feel the need to always associate you with him.

Maybe if you could take after him, he would like you more, or maybe he would just dislike you even more..

Part of you wants to have a good relationship with your own parent, but Cartman doesn’t seem to really care much.

There are times where he might actually start taking care of you, but it’s slim.

Once you start getting crushes and falling in love, Cartman tells you about his old relationship with Heidi, and obviously twists the story..

He doesn’t care about who you date much, but you don’t understand the reason why he’s adamant and strict about who you can and can’t go for.

“Don’t you understand how hard it is taking care of you? Give me some space..”

[strawwritesfic]

Vongola Guardians Taking Care of You Headcanons

Hey, guys! I'm sick again! So you know what that means...dopey headcanons about fictional guys taking care of you, their S/O, when you're sick!

I did it for the Avengers last time, so let's apply it to my current hyperfixation this time around.

Note that this is all regarding the adult versions of the cast, and we are not working with A) COVID (because it's too real) or B) The in-universe original TYL!Time Line (because I don't feel like dealing with the whole Millifiore situation).

Tsuna Sawada

Tsuna's got a lot of work to do, running the Vongola, but that doesn't mean he's going to ignore you when you're sick. In fact, you being sick is probably enough of a distraction that he's not going to get that work done anyway--and he's definitely not above using you getting sick as an excuse to get away from his responsibilities for a little while. If it's really something important, of course he'll do it. Otherwise, he's with you all the way. Unfortunately, Tsuna's kind of useless as a caregiver. His heart is in the right place, but he's not entirely sure what to do, and if he tries to do something, it typically winds up spilled all over you. What he can do is that neat trick with his sky flame on his finger on your forehead. When you can't sleep, that's your ticket to dreamland. Except that once he did that, and you slept for two straight days. Everyone was very worried. Reborn congratulated him on sending his S/O into a coma. When you did wake up, you felt much better, but he's reluctant to try it again. Good thing that his company is enough to make you feel a little better most of the time.

Hayato Gokudera

This is the guy that researches every single symptom you have. He's got medical textbooks. He's got WebMD's symptom checker. He's got...books on exorcisms? So not everything he's going to try is necessarily scientifically accurate. And he's not going to let you rest either, because he's got an enormous whiteboard covered in diagrams of all his research. He even wants to dictate the way you sleep, because he's figured out the only way to do it that will actually get you better! And if you don't let him try to get rid of the evil spirits inhabiting you at least once, you're probably going to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded by candles while he stands by the bed chanting. At least the minute Tsuna needs him, he's gone, so you'll get some peace and quiet.

But Gokudera does make some amazing okayu. It's the worst okayu you've ever tasted. At first, you might wonder if Bianchi's the one that made it. But even though it tastes incredibly awful, it does actually make you feel better. it almost makes him playing nurse worth it from time to time.

Ryohei Sasagawa

Ryohei has probably never had a sick day in his entire life. If he had a cold, he just EXTREMED it out of his system, and that's exactly what he expects you to do, too. You can't let the cold win! You have to get up! You have to get up before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run while carrying cinderblocks in both hands before sunrise! Show your illness how EXTREME you are, and you will never be sick again a day in your life! He's not making you do all of this alone. Ryohei is right there with you, doing the exact same thing but with a lot more enthusiasm. It's exausting.

Thankfully, he's got Kyoko around. Once she realizes what's going on, she can rescue you. She knows how to take care of sick people, and she'll get you set up in a nice, dark room with whatever you need, and she and Haru will make sure that you eat healthy and get plenty of rest--because, let's face it, you're probably worse off now than you were before Ryohei got his hands on you. You will live, but it might be a good idea in the future to call in sick to your S/O next time you've got a tickle in your throat.

Lambo

This 15-year-old guy has literally no clue what to do with a sick S/O. Heck, he has literally no clue what to do with himself when he's sick. He's so covered in girls your age anyway, so what are the chances that he notices that you're slogging your way through your day? Well, he does. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it...until I-Pin notices as well and chastises him for being so heartless.

And the truth is, he cares about you, and he hates to see you sick. He's not great at doing much more than playing gopher...but, again, he's 15. What else is he supposed to do? So at least for the day he'll get you whatever you want. Chocolate ice cream? Done. Ramen from I-Pin place of work? Absolutely. He consumes half of it, too, and he moans a lot about how gross it is, but ultimately you'd probably be a lot more lonely recuperating by yourself than with him around.

Takeshi Yamamoto

Does Yamamoto even realize you're sick? That is the question. He's known you long enough to know when something's up, but he also trusts you. When you tell him no, you're fine, please just go get beaten up by an Italian man with a sword like he planned, he's not going to argue. Yamamoto knows that you're tough, and if you don't want his help, he's not going to force it on you. He respects you too much to baby you.

On the other hand, on his way home from sparring with Squalo, he's going to pick up a few things. First, he's going to go to the store, and he's going to grab a couple boxes of medicine that sound like they'll help what he thought you sounded like you had that morning. Then he's going to go by his dad's restaurant and pick up a ton of sushi. If you're still not feeling well when he gets home, then he's got you covered. But if you still want to pretend that you're fine, then he just keeps the medicine in his coat pocket for later. He's fine pretending that you're fine if that's what you want. At least there's good food for a quiet night in so you can rest.

Mukuro Rokudo

I mean, as long as he needs you for something, he'll probably care that your sick. Your organs are still in the right place. There's probably not a good way to illusion away your cold and flu symptoms. So if you're fine, he's probably got better things to be doing, like plotting how to finally possess Tsuna and start a war within the mafia!

Oh, what? Really? You want him to say? Well, then, maybe he can put off the whole bloody war within the mafia thing off for another day or two. After all, it's been ten years and he still hasn't got around to it! But hopefully you know that you're in for a lot of getting your own juice bottles, or at least having him torment you about getting your juice bottles until your fever breaks.

Kyoya Hibari

Hibari doesn't get sick, because being sick is weak. But now that he's older, he can appreciate that no one is as strong as he is, so even his S/O is going to get sick from time to time. He is not going to baby you for choosing to be so weak as to catch a cold, however. You probably won't be seeing much of Hibari while you're ill. He's got important business to attend to.

But without saying it, he does make it clear he cares. He'll adjust your pillow in the morning before he leaves. He'll make sure there's plenty of tea in the cupboard. He'll send Kusakabe to check on you regularly. And since you did decide to throw your lot in with Hibari, this radio silence isn't exactly unheard of or unwelcome. Just make sure none of your other friends are around for a visit if and when he decides to come look in on you himself.

[blue-blues-world]

mk 1 2023 characters as starbies workers

A/N: sorry for not posting on this page after leaving it dead for years, a lot of shit has happened lol. my mom got cancer, i lost all my friends, covid happened, then i got cancer, i almost didn’t graduate high school, then i got a job as a barista at the siren and i’m in college full time so i barely have any free time, but MK 1 came out and i love so many of the characters, so i couldn’t resist projecting onto them. if i get any requests, i’ll make sure to do my best to complete them, and if you ever submitted one and i didn’t get to it pls hmu again so i can get that done.

also if you guys like this AU and want more headcanons based on it, lmk :)

Starbucks Vocab:

DM - District Manager

SM - Store Manager

ASM - Assistant Store Manager

Proxy - A manager from another location who acts as a substitute for a store’s SM when they’re absent

Shift Lead/Shift - Shift Supervisor

Partners - Starbucks Employees

Connections - Partner/Customer Interaction

Connection Score - A score on a scale of 1-100 determining your store’s rate of connection with customers

Hot Bar - Where espresso drinks, teas, and matchas are made

Cold bar - Where frappucinos, refreshers, iced teas, iced coffee, and cold brews are made

kung lao

- works at a cafe store in a popular shopping center with raiden (jr.)

- pretty good at customer connections, primarily with the older ladies lol, older men don’t rlly like him

- barista, tried and got promoted to shift lead but demoted himself after the first week, thought it was too much work lol

- godly on bar, loves cold bar

- mf stays arguing with rude customers

- always puts his music on the in-store speakers

- it’s all 2010s club music

- most unserious person in the planet

- liu kang wrote him up once and all he said was ‘aight shawty damn’

- literally gives no fucks

- barista trainer, at first he only chose to do it for the bonus pay, but realized he really likes teaching the newbies plus he’s really good at it so he’s stuck to it

- bro is always filming tik toks at work that should definitely get him fired but he’s too good of a worker to be let go

- i can imagine him making parody videos making fun of that joboi dude, like bruh wtf is a griddy frappucino

- he usually gets a grande cold brew with a splash of sweet cream and three pumps toffee nut, but loves a good peach green tea lemonade too

raiden (jr.)

- was also a barista, but offered to promote to shift lead after kung lao quit and got the job almost instantaneously

- gets along with everyone, almost none of the customers give him trouble, and honestly how could they?

- elders love him, children love him, older women love him, teenage girls love him, he’s very well loved

- pretty well-rounded and is great on all positions, but front and warming is his strength

- constantly meal violating because he’s always scheduled for mid-shift and he works at a high volume store that gets most of the rush in the afternoons, so he’s always stepping in to help even if he’s on break

- someone please make this man eat his lunch

- always makes sure the floor is prefect before passing it on to the next shift, best believe he’ll have ovens done, floors done, cards done, ice bins done, lobby checked, stations restocked, all the other shifts are resisting the urge to kiss him on the mouth after they transition with each other

- doesn’t bend the rules too much

- that being said, he refuses to throw out the food at the end of the night. he won't tell you to take anything, but will definitely turn a blind eye

- wiping down the counters for his partners on the floor when it’s really busy is his love language

- bro eats like an old man, he’s constantly marking out oatmeal for every break, he’s like 15% oatmeal now

- he drinks the brewed coffee??? with cream and two splendas if he’s feeling sweet?????? not even an iced espresso, straight up pike. mf is an old soul fr, kung lao can’t stand it

- only exception is when he sometimes gets a tall iced matcha with coconut milk

- he was raised by his grandfather (raiden sr.), who is also his namesake

- loves his grandpa so much, it’s actually so endearing

- definitely could become an ASM if he wanted to, but he prefers being a shift since he’s still figuring himself out

liu kang

- he’s the store manager lol

- was offered to promote but chose not to, too much responsibility and he saw how disconnected district managers are from their baristas, and prefers working with them more closely

- is fed up with kung lao’s shit but can’t bring himself to fire him

- someone ordered the griddy frappucino once when he was on register, nearly short circuited

- constantly working on his dissertation, how he’s even pursuing an education and being such a good SM at once is beyond anyone’s understanding

- when asked how, he just says he meditates, which is not the advice most people expect or really want if we’re being honest

- super patient with his coworkers, and usually lets the petty stuff go

- wearing something slightly out of dress code? as long as it’s not a health code violation he doesn’t give a shit. got an apron pin that isn’t starbucks-approved? as long as it doesn’t have any profanity he couldn’t care less

- always has his trademark calm demeanor, but the only people who have ever managed to make him crack are kung lao (duh), johnny cage (double duh), and shang tsung (triple quadruple duh)

- His main drink is a trenta iced passion tea with no water and three splendas, or a tall cold brew with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, a packet of stevias, and a splash of coconut milk, usually enjoys it with a spinach feta wrap

- very healthy very granola indeed

shang tsung:

- is that regular that only ever seems to come in to give the baristas a hard time

- places orders that make the sticker the length of a novel and it changes every time

- it only gets worse when liu kang is on bar

- “may i have a trenta iced coffee blended with extra water, extra ice, twelve pumps of caramel, twelve pumps of classic, extra soy milk, extra coconut milk, extra almond milk, vanilla sweet cold foam, chocolate cream cold foam, matcha cold foam, and two splenda packets”

- no amount of meditative breathing can stop liu kang from nearly popping a vein every time he comes in

- he never even drinks the shit he orders

- always sends it back even if he didn’t even take a single sip

- throws it in the trash on the way out the door and makes sure everyone sees him do it

- what even is his drink order??

- sometimes comes into the store in costume pretending to be someone else (it’s obviously him)

- the ultimate grinch but just for liu kang

- comes in on christmas every year and hands everyone envelopes with their names on them, everyone’s envelope has $50 in it while liu kang’s envelope only has a dollar

- just an overall menace

- apparently was liu kang’s biochemistry professor his sophomore year of college, the beef has been going on since then

- when will it ever end? how did it even start? no one knows

johnny cage:

- doesn’t work at starbies either, instead he’s an ex-actor and entertainment business mogul that stops by before his meetings

- always stopping in cause he gets bored

- even chats it up w/ the regulars every now and then, usually kenshi

- speaking of kenshi, they were best friends in high school and college and have kept in touch since

- it’s also worth mentioning they were both total losers in high school

- they also were in a band together in their college years

- at first, partners at this store thought he was kind of obnoxious, liu kang included, but he won them over when he almost got in an argument with shang tsung in the parking lot and punched him

- no one made themselves an official witness but everyone talked about it

- gets a venti iced americano with two pumps of hazelnut and cream

Ashrah:

- she’s so sweet y’all

- an ASM at Kitana’s location

- pretty straight edge

- gets along well with everyone on the team and often is in charge of coordinating holiday parties, store meetings, and activities

- is very passionate in the whole community outreach thing, and has won the award for it multiple times

- comes from a rough background, so she applied at starbucks specifically for their free college program with Arizona State

- basically corporate’s employee wet dream

- that doesn’t mean she’s totally okay with the way they handle things, and sometimes bickers with kitana over how the store should be run

- hates hates HATES the forced connections thing, she believes conversation and interest in others should be genuine, not a sales tactic

- usually gets a grande iced black tea with strawberry açaí base, or a hot mocha with oatmilk

kitana:

- works as a store manager for a drive-thru location near a high school, but serves as a proxy for liu kang’s store

- rules that place with an iron fist, most of the baristas are scared of her

- but that usually goes away when they realize she’s a massive dork

- she pulled into the drive thru in a naruto t-shirt and hello kitty pajama pants once on one of her off-days and the illusion was shattered for everyone

- plays k-pop over the speakers and insists it’s a starbucks playlist (it’s not)

- girl is always stressed and always tired, doesn’t know how liu kang is still sane

- loves unpacking the carson order, it’s a nice getaway from the pressure of drive times and connection scores, plus she gets first dibs on any cute cups

- speaking of, she’s a chronic cup hoarder, it doesn’t matter if the cup is ugly, she still wants it

- almost cried when raspberry was discontinued

- gets an iced quad espresso with two pumps of vanilla and a splash of soy in a venti cup

mileena:

- also an SM for a different drive-thru location next to a grocery store, her and kitana are almost like day and night

- tanya is her asm, but they’re dating so she’s in the process of transferring to another location

- tried keeping it under wraps but truthfully they’re fooling no one

- girl is really just there for the vibes

- she would be bordering on terrible manager if she didn’t let her partners have fun

- wanna put your music on the speakers? go ahead but if she thinks your music sucks she’ll make you do a trash run

- forgot to request a specific day off three weeks ahead? you’re good, she hasn’t even made the schedule for that week yet lol

- are you batching frappucinos? thank fuck, she’s really trying to get those drive times down

- someone being a dick? let her know so she can argue with them lol

- whatever you do tho, keep those connections scores up. it’s the one thing she really gives a shit about

- her store is a high theft store, so she’s been doing her best to keep the store and her partners safe, but is always super paranoid when she works a closing shift

- trying to reach her phone on a day off is borderline impossible unless the store is being robbed or someone is dying, bi-han is her proxy but he’s not very friendly either so you’re fucked either way

- was also devastated when raspberry was discontinued

- gets a grande iced chai with oatmilk, two pumps of hazelnut, and strawberry cold foam, she’ll add on a couple blonde shots if she’s working an early shift

sindel:

- she’s the DM, it used to be kronika but she was fired for reasons no one will disclose

- vast improvement, let me tell you

- goes harder on both milleena and kitana, she refuses to let her daughters benefit from nepotism

- admires liu kang greatly, and was very disappointed when he rejected an offer to become a DM at a different district

- venti iced americano with 3 splendas and soy milk

- scary but nice

raiden sr.

- y’all know i couldn’t leave him out

- he wasn’t really in the new game but he’s too important

- doesn’t work at starbies at all, but is one of liu kang’s professors in college

- he is very fond of liu kang, they work closely together on his dissertation

- stops in every morning to see his grandson and his student, usually gets a black coffee or an earl grey tea

- is constantly scolding kung lao, he considers him a second grandchild and unfortunately that manifests in constant nagging

- loves his grandson to death and is very proud of him, but expresses it in a way that only raiden (jr.) and kung lao understand

- always beefing w/ shang tsung, except unlike liu kang’s beef w/ him, this shit goes back DECADES

- literally rancid beef

- always dissing each other

- shang tsung: surprised to see you here

- raiden: i come here almost every day, are you so old that your memory is failing you?

- shang tsung: i’m just surprised to see you haven’t died yet, old man

bi-han:

- SM at a high volume drive store located next to a busy highway and proxy for milleena’s store, hates his life and hates his job

- he barely likes anyone aside from his brother and tomas

- so friendly to customers that it’s unnerving to the partners on the floor with him

- seeing his customer service smile is so terrifying to everyone that knows him

- it gives like,,,,american psycho vibes

- only reason no one’s completely terrified of him is because he insists on wearing his fucked up high top vans to work and they aren’t non-slip so he’s constantly sliding around

- at this point he’s hoping he falls so he can go home early or injure himself badly enough to go on medical leave

- grabs the scalding hot dishes fresh out of the dishwasher with his bare hands just to feel something

- also doesn’t give much of a shit about the dress code, just don’t make it a problem with the food and health department

- loves hot bar, but hates that he has to talk to people because the hand off is right next to the espresso machine

- because of this, he’s usually on customer support

- he would quit if it wasn’t for sareena, his ASM, she’s the one thing keeping that place from falling apart

- has to take a smoke break after every shift

- someone PLEASE tell this man that coffee and a cigarette isn’t a meal

- huge coffee hipster, borderline pretentious and hates the bullshit that starbucks teaches

- “dead shots aren’t real, you idiot” - bi-han to tomas at some point

- never makes drinks to standard, always changes it to what he thinks is better

- “you’re supposed to pour the shots over the ic—“ “—no, it makes the shots taste like shit” - also bi-han to tomas at some point

- somewhat appreciates covid for the fact that it normalized wearing a face mask, it’s rare to ever see the bottom half of his face

- fell to his knees when the very berry refresher was discontinued

- that was the start of his villain arc

- now he only drinks a straight up iced quad blonde espresso, no cream, no sugar, no nothing

- however, he does love a good pour over

- tried the griddy frappucino in secret and loved it, fell to his knees a second time in despair

kuai liang:

- no one ever believes him when he says he’s bi-han’s brother because they’re so different

- consistent with connections, but always seems to attract the strangest of people so it usually ends awkwardly

- ultimate multitasker, excels in front and warming

- constantly burning his hands tho

- he keeps trying to convince bi-han to wear non-slip shoes

- he bought him those non-slip crocs and bi-han stopped talking to him for a week

- popular with teenage girls that come in because they think he’s dark and mysterious

- he’s just awkward

- hates the taste of coffee

- usually gets a pineapple passsion fruit lemonade with passion tea and no inclusions, he thinks they’re gross

smoke (tomas):

- literally carrying the majority of bi-han’s store’s connection score on his back

- big sweetheart, but kinda gullible and a bit of a pushover with customers

- let them start shit with other partners though, if you wanna see him mad

- wears the non-slip crocs that kuai liang bought for bi-han since he didn’t want them

- his barista love language is swapping out the sanitizer buckets and emptying the grounds drawers during peak

- people call him smoke cause he’s burnt so many cookies in the oven

- please don’t have this man on front and warming he’ll burn the store down

- average london fog enthusiast

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to move back in with my family?

The lead up to this is a bit long, but I feel like the context is necessary. After my first year of college, my (then20, FTM) father (40s, M) was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and could not work anymore. He also could not be left to his own devices, so I had to take time off school and come home to watch him and my younger sibling (then 11NB) while my mother (40s F) would work. That sucked for multiple reasons, including being responsible for all the asshole bullshit he’s pulled (when I say asshole, I mean it. He used to fake - by his own admission - epileptic seizures to get out of doing the most minor chores or exercises recommended by his doctors), my mothers violent transphobia (to the point of driving me to a mental breakdown when I asked about starting HRT) and emotional abuse towards myself and my sib. She never believed my complaints about my father and was convinced I was being lazy and irresponsible with his care. In addition to that, they moved to this area after I started college, so I was in a completely unfamiliar (and not particularly queer friendly) place, socially isolated, and so on and so forth. This shit sucked. I was promised I’d be able to go back after one semester, but after a few months it has been made painfully clear to me that this is not an option. Then COVID happened, and next year my college was fully remote. This way I was able to complete my sophomore year online. I was finally released for junior year and have not come back home since with the exception of one short-term visit, when my mother went abroad to visit our extended family. (We’re immigrants.)

I graduated this year. When I started my job search, I was planning to stay in the area and applied to jobs accordingly, with the exception of one position advertised by my college. This one would be in a major city very close to my family, so I’d be able to live with them. I was idiot enough to mention that to my mother. The gig didn’t pan out, so I settled on staying where I am and continued to search for a job, a place to live, and so on. I secured a place to live recently and was again dumb enough to share that with my mother. (Yes, I have a pattern. I’m working on it. ) The next day, my sib contacts me and asks if I could come live with them. Sib got into a really good high school with a focus on a field of study they want to go into for a career and have a real knack for. It’s kinda far from where they live right now, but they found an apartment much closer to it. Rent is a lot higher than they can afford, though. My mother lost her job when she refused to get vaccinated nearly a year ago (she used to work in healthcare), and since then she hasn’t been officially employed. She’s been getting by with instacart and my father’s disability payments.

If I lived with them and found a job there, they’d definitely be able to afford rent. Moving there, while undesirable, is not out of the realm of possibility, and my mother has been a lot better about treating me like a person and not being transphobic. Not perfect, but better. They also would not be living with dad because mom is at the end of her rope with him and is looking into a nursing home his insurance would cover. I would also be saving up money by living with them, I’d definitely have reliable health insurance, a roof over my head and so on and so forth. My personal autonomy, personal space, and most likely mental health would be absolutely out the window. I’m still traumatized by these 2 years I spent with them. Not to mention nearly complete social isolation. I wouldn’t even be able to see my boyfriend properly, there would be about 8 hrs’ worth of a drive between us.

So. Will I be the asshole if I leave my family to struggle on their own? I already sacrificed a lot for their sake. I don’t know that I can keep doing that to myself.

What are these acronyms?

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

2023 was a really rough year for Disney. Marvel had two of the biggest flops, Quantumania and The Marvels, with only the phenomenal finale to the Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy wedged in between to give audiences faith; Star Wars didn’t fare much better, with divisive works like the third season of The Mandalorian and the first season of Ahsoka splitting the fanbase as usual; the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid floundered with critics and audiences alike, while Haunted Mansion was dead on arrival; the final Indiana Jones film got middling reviews, with some even saying it made Crystal Skull seem better in hindsight; and Elemental nearly burnt out at the box office due to abysmal advertising, only getting a second wind from positive word of mouth. Keep in mind, 2023 was the studio’s big 100th anniversary. Flopping this hard with all their major brands was not a good look. Thankfully, they had a really special animated film dropping for this historic anniversary, a film that was a big love letter to Disney history. It’s ostensibly a film about the origin of the wishing star other characters in other films wish upon—a novel concept to be sure! How did this premise pay off for Disney?

It bombed, with a net loss of $131 million. Keep in mind that films like Raya and Encanto, which also did poorly, had less time of theaters due to COVID. Also keep in mind Wish was advertised like crazy. Toys, clothes, ads, this movie got it all! And all of that likely contributed to how bad a financial failure it was. To make matters worse, critics were extremely mixed on the film, and the opinions of audiences weren’t much nicer. People had been skeptical from the first trailer, and so the film had an uphill battle to begin with, and sadly that uphill battle turned out to be a Sisyphean one, with the boulder slipping and rolling all the way back down to the bottom for Disney.

I genuinely had zero interest in ever watching this, and keep in mind I have access to Disney+ so it isn’t like I’d be paying specifically to see it. But I have a little daughter who became obsessed with the movie, and so I had to watch it about a dozen times. And with how much of a disaster this was for Disney, after the umpteenth viewing I decided I may as well give my thoughts. Is this movie any good, or is that just wishful thinking?

THE GOOD

I think it’s safe to say King Magnifico is the standout performance of the film. Chris Pine is clearly having an absolute blast playing the guy, and he manages to deliver a fun, upbeat, poppy villain song that succeeds despite some really bizarre and nonsensical lyrics. Sure, he’s not an S-tier villain or anything, but he’s a lot more fun and enjoyable than any of the mediocre twist villains Disney plagued us with during the 2010s. He’s an enjoyable asshole, consumed by his own ego.

Aside from his villain song, I do like some of the other music. “At All Costs” is a very nice, tender song; “Knowing What I Know Now” is a heroic “shit just got real” song, with a foreboding aura that nicely contrasts the villain’s lightehearted number; and “Welcome to Rosas,” a fun little iintro song for the story. Now, all of these songs have some issues (we’ll get tot hose in a bit), but they’re definitely fun and enjoyable if you can overlook some of the flaws.

I’m sure a lot of people found the numerous Disney references to be a bit much, and maybe even distracting, but I think they can get a pass just this once since this film is meant to celebrate one hundred years of Disney magic. Asha wearing the Fairy Godmother’s robe? Magnifico getting turned into the Magic Mirror? Peter Pan just randomly showing up for no fucking reason as a cameo? Sure, why not? And this all leads to the ending credits, where every Disney animated canon movie that isn’t a sequel gets represented (except for Meet the Robinsons, The Rescuers, and The Bkack Cauldron). You’ll see constellations of all your favorite characters, like Milo Thatch, Jim Hawkins, Yzma, Tarzan, and Yokai! Remember Yokai? From Big Hero 6? Clearly he was the right character to spotlight for this! I can’t harp too much on this, because every time I watch this I applaud and clap when Chicken Little appears.

THE BAD

So there are a few good songs, I admit. But for every good song, there’s two more that just plain suck or are entirely unfitting. “At All Costs” sounds like a a song about love and romance, so of course it plays… over the scene where Magnifico shows Asha all the wishes. Huh? What sense does that make? But a decent song being out of place is small potatoes compared to how absolutely bad the lyrics are. Even in the songs I like, like “This is the Thanks I Get” and “Knowing What I Know Now” there’s just something off with a lot of the lyrics and the rhyme scheme. But nothing in them is quite as egregious as the song “I’m a Star.”

“I’m a Star” might genuinely be the single worst song in any Disney animated film ever from a lyrical standpoint. The entire song is nothing but word salad; nothing in it makes any sense, and not once does it answer any of the questions it has posed. While some of the other songs have sloppy writing, they still are easily able to communicate core ideas that help progress the story. This song, though? It’s meaningless drivel made to pad the runtime. The absolute worst bit is this verse near the end, though:

Here's a little fun allegory

That gets me excitatory

This might sink in in the morning

We are our own origin story

If I'm explaining this poorly

Well I'll let star do it for me

It's all quite revelatory

We are our own origin story

None of this means anything. Like yeah dude, you are explaining this poorly. What the fuck are you trying to explain here? And while this is the worst verse, the worst lyric is right near the end where they painfully force a rhyme by having someone sing “Here I are” with “I’m a star.” No matter how many times I listen to these songs, this one coming on fills me with dread because of how painfully bad it is to the core.

I think the issue here is the lyrics were written by Julia Michaels, someone who typically works with pop, R&B, and EDM. She’s written for Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, Justin Bieber… but notice she hasn’t written for any musicals. Say what you want about Lin-Manuel Miranda, but he knows how to write fun, poppy songs that would not sound out of pace in a stage musical---a core part of the appeal of the best Disney songs. The songs Michales wrote really don’t fit that vibe, and feel more like repurposed radio friendly pop tunes than something that belongs in a Disney movie. And maybe this wouldn’t be too bad of an idea if this weren’t supposed to be the big centennial celebration film.

But hey, maybe the songs are bad… which isn’t great, because a Disney musical with bad songs is on thin ice, but whatever! Maybe the characters can redeem this? Ehhhhhhhhh… Unfortunately, none of the characters in this film really do anything particularly special. Asha is cute and determined and all, and she’s definitely more compelling and less annoying than Raya, but she lacks a really solid identity. It honestly feels like she does things simply because the plot demands her, and not because it is in-character for her to do so—something that would require her to have a character in the first place. And despite being the best part of the film, Magnifico is a victim of the wonky writing as well. While it’s great he isn’t a twist villain, the writing really just makes the whole idea he’s bad guy seem stupid. I resent the idea his goal is in any way reasonable—he’s certainly an overly paranoid dick with an inflated ego even in the most charitable interpretations of his actions—but the movie still manages to make him somewhat sympathetic via his backstory only to have him grab a sled to slide on down that slippery slope. I don’t know, it just feels like these characters shift gears at the drop of the hat because the plot demands certain actions and roles from them.

Then we have the cutesy kid appeal characters, Valentino the goat and the wishing star. Valentino, played by Alan Tudyk in his millionth Disney role, is not nearly as insufferable as I’d feared he’d be. Unfortunately, he isn’t really good either. It really is sad how Disney keeps pushing him as their answer to Pixar’s John Ratzenberger yet refuse to give him good or fun roles to make an impact like Ratzenberger does. The guy hasn’t been utilized well since Wreck-It Ralph, it’s just getting sad. The wishing star is just a cutesy non-speaking plot device meant to sell marketable plushies, and pulls out new powers from its ass as the plot demands; it’s responsible for the awful “I’m a Star” as well as a cringeworthy chicken musical sequence. These characters really do feel like they exist solely to sell toys to children, because everything else aside they don’t really add to the experience—which is especially bad for the star! This is supposed to be his story!

And, look. Get it. They wanted to stick to something that is incredibly formulaic to pay tribute to all the tropes Disney codified for animated movies. But did they have to make the whole thing so predictable and safe? You can predict exactly what’s going to happen at any given time; there’s no real big twists or turns to be seen with this one. This is strictly formula, a very basic Disney story that couldn’t be more “paint by numbers” if it tried. You’d think they’d try to be a little more bold and daring after a hundred years, but… nah.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

I think calling this movie “bad” is a bit harsh. It’s not exactly good, it’s messy and stupid and all that, but after seeing it so many times I really don’t think it’s as egregious or repugnant as something like, say, Pocahontas. But taking everything into consideration, the movie is extremely disappointing as a centennial celebration, and isn’t that worse in a way?

This was meant to be the film that pays tribute to a hundred years of animation, a love letter to a studio that has made some of the greatest artistic achievements in cartoon history, and it ended up like this? I think it’s pretty safe to say a better tribute would have been to return to hand drawn animation and make something like their classic output instead of a cliché storm of tired plot beats and nonsensical songs. The film feels really bland, safe, and corporate, like they were more concerned with selling merch and coasting off of the novelty of being the big animated release during the hundredth anniversary. And look how that turned out! My daughter spent a month earning enough cash to buy a King Magnifico doll, and it didn’t sell out in that entire time—and this was recently, too! Wish has long since left theaters, and the toys are getting their prices slashed because no one is buying them! Even kids, for the most part, don’t care about this one.

It’s just a bummer. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect more out if the richest company on Earth, is it? It really is a harmless, boring film, but it just feels so much worse than it actually is because we all know Disney can put more effort into their work and produce films that far outstrip this in quality and yet this is what they chose to represent them for a historic milestone. It really is rated fairly up there, it’s about what it deserves, but I hardly blame anyone who rates it even lower. It’s definitely not the worst Disney movie, but it sure is the most disappointing.

I’m glad my daughter likes it though, and honestly she’s probably why I’m not quite as harsh on the film as I was at first. Her enthusiasm for it is honestly infectious, even if at the end of the day I still think it’s kind of a lame movie. There’s definitely worse things to show your kids than Wish; if nothing else, it can make a decent gateway into other Disney movies. But that’s as charitable as I’m willing to get for Wish.

[skylarbee]

What really happened between Alex and Miles in 2017? I discovered their story and events that year are often mentioned, I heard about depression about Alex and it's true that he changed a lot (physically too) from this period...

I love your blog ;)

aw thank you so much! <3🥰

tbh i don't read too much about what might've happened between them, it just makes me really depressed lmao. no one really knows, except them, and if you know the main things, then your guess is as good as mine, and i probably won't be saying anything new.

you might know already, but the general idea is that everything seemed to go wrong in the summer of 2018, specifically july, when alex and taylor break up and he gets a new gf. now, i think it's pretty clear that LV and miles don't really... get along/like each other? not sure what the right words would be. there might've been more going on, but i think that miles must've known/found out that alex was cheating, and we all know that miles and taylor were really good friends. so, maybe miles didn't really like what alex had done to taylor, and also didn't like LV? the question is whether they (alex and miles) had a fight about this, did miles call alex out and tell him he's a prick (it's what i would've done), or was there something more going on on top of all this, something between them that had nothing or little to do with any gf. i don't think we'll ever know. there could be a chance that the eycte tour had certain aftermaths that they didn't thing it would have, and maybe they messed around too much and thought that they could get away with it and it wouldn't change anything between them, when in fact it did.

this twitter thread from 2019 sums everything up pretty nicely: them performing 505 together for the last time (where everything seems to be okay still), miles saying that tlsp3 will come "very soon" in september 2018 (which it didn't, so something had to happen - covid, but maybe other things too...), new gf alert (things are wrong), la cigale (thing are very wrong), miles opening for am but not doing 505 with them, them being at the same fashion shows and apparently not meeting up, some of miles' lyrics that he could've written about them from coup de grace, and then them eventually being seen together again finally towards the end of 2019 (things seem to be okay-ish again?), and then in 2020 and 2021. it's in spanish but google translate should do the job: https://x.com/drunkkatemoss/status/1150079970951094272?s=20

if someone knows more though, feel free to tell us. it looks like they weren't on the best of terms for about one year, from july 2018 to september 2019, but again, we don't know. things sure are different than before, but i think their love is still strong, or at least it's what i hope it to be. they're definitely okay compared to a couple of years ago lmao

[safarigirlsp]

Curious on your opinion:

I’ve noticed in the Adam community that fanfics are only accepted and welcomed when they are published to be sold at Target despite being very subpar quality. Why do people act like this type of gatekeeping is ok and normal, to the point where non published fics are not considered valid or quality worth reading? They don’t care about the ethics behind the process either. But it doesn’t make a community bond except to be collective bullies for those who don’t conform.

Hi!

Honestly, I don’t really have a good read on this at all. I’m not part of the Adam community anymore, and it’s been years since I’ve read any fics that aren’t either mine or written by one of my friends here. So, if there’s discourse or drama or something, I’m totally unaware. In my experience, the Adam community is extremely toxic, and full of bullies and content police. Aside from a few notable exceptions of wonderful people, of course. So, sadly, your experience doesn’t surprise me at all.

I’m also extremely turned off by anything Reylo and so I’m entirely out of that loop. I am aware of some published books that started as Reylo stories, but I haven’t read the books or fics and I never will. Great for those writers for getting book deals, but it’s definitely not my thing.

But in general, I totally support people writing whatever they want for whatever purpose they have or enjoyment they get out of it. I don’t have to like it personally for me to advocate for someone’s right to write it and enjoy it.

If someone is just writing to have fun or create a scene or a world they want to live in, I think that’s great! If they’re using fics as a way to practice their skills and improve as a writer with the goal of writing professionally, I think that’s great too! I started out as the former and then evolved into the latter.

My fics were never hugely popular, I think because I write a lot of stuff people don’t usually seek out in fics. But I still enjoyed them immensely. I’d actually never written a fic of any kind before COVID and then I fell into this dumpster fire, and now writing has become one of my favorite pastimes. Without fics, I probably never would have discovered that. Even though I don’t share as much now, I’m still writing a ton for myself and with a goal toward getting things published, and it’s still very fun and rewarding for me.

If you’re writing, keep writing whatever pleases you! Don’t let the bullies and toxic atmosphere get to you. All that shitty juvenile behavior is always reflective of the person displaying it, and never the person it’s directed at.

[skaruresonic]

Something definitely crawled up our "admirers'" asses and died. What was wrong with your block button, dude?

...Also can't help but notice you had nothing to say to any of my points. As per usual. Folks tend to engage with my friends but stop with me. I don't know if that's because I write too much, or if they don't consider me worth the time of day, and at this point I don't think the distinction matters. I love how to this day no one has anything to say when I bring up that one of theirs said my dead mom was burning in hell. They either No True Scotsman themselves out of the blame, not realizing the double standard when they turn around and say "you tolerate death threats"... or they ignore me and say absolutely nothing. Not even "sorry." I have not heard one single apology from the anti-Deadly Gang gang, and at this point I don't expect any.

Sorry for being such a cunt, I guess. You think my forgiving Random means I'm cool with Flynn getting death threats, but you don't realize your collective silence speaks just as loudly about how much you think I deserved to be told, while grieving, "your dead mom is burning in hell."

And even if you don't give a single shit about me, even if you think I'm not worth the time of day, know that I am not the only one in our group who was told this. I can only speak of my own experiences, but I'm also fairly certain my experiences are shared by my friends.

What your silence says, to me, is that you want to say it because you hate the platonic idea of us as your Quintessential Flynn Haters that much. But you can't come right out and say as much without looking like a turbo bastard, and you know it.

I don't bring it up for shits and giggles. There's a reason. If they're going to go "omg the Deadly Gang are such toxic assholes, they tolerate harassment and death threats" from now until the heat death of the universe, they at least ought to know what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

They can just as easily be subjected to the same treatment. If they're going to treat me like I'm no different than unhinged Twitterites wishing COVID on Flynn, then I reserve the right to say they're no different than the anon who mocked my recently-deceased mother.

They say nothing because they know to say anything except "damn, that's fucked-up" would reveal their hypocrisy in a heartbeat.

[corporatefrog]

꒦‧₊ ꒷ Post Covid! team stan with a daughter who fights another kid [headcannons]✧.*

✧.* tags: post!covid, parents au ✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, eric cartman, butters stotch a/n: my dad always told me if i have to punch someone just aim for the nose and I feel like they'd all have a similar philosophy (except for butters but sometimes you gotta punch a little bitch)

masterlist

Kyle

All he’s hearing is law suit ngl

Is he mad? No not at all, little fucker probably deserved it

He probably wishes he did that to cartman when they were younger

But also as the son of a lawyer he knows how annoying of a case this could be if they decide to press charges

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the system for ”

Proceeds to scream at the system for the rest of the day, after getting ice cream ofc 

Stan

I feel like this would happen a lot

Idk i just feel like his kid with have a lot of rage against the world

Definitely not the first kid they sent to the hospital

He just sighs and asks the parents for their address to send an assorted fruit basket or smth

Secretly gives his kid a high five after hearing about the situation

Kenny 

He probably told his kid to beat the shit out of them ngl

“Always try to use your words. Unless it’s fucking Brianna. Then use your fist.”

Showed his kid to not tuck their thumb when they throw a punch

Lets out an audible “oh shit you fucked them up.” when they visit the kid

He trusts that his kid is able to assess situations and make good decisions

But is still a little like “okay you use your fist but like half the fist. I didn’t realize you were the fucking hulk”

Cartman

Dude is PROUD

The other parents better not DARE to try and reprimand him or his kid

The other kid’s parent bumps into him or something and he falls to the ground, sobbing and clutching his shoulder and claiming the other parent dislocated it or something

Threatens to sue THEM 

Now it’s a whole scene

Cartman’s in a wheelchair, acting as though gravity is slowly crushing him bc of the other parents

And they agree not to sue just to get him off their backs

He gets fucking lobster or something with his kid to celebrate

Butters

He is TERRIFIED to see the other parents

Definitely pays for any hospital bills though and apologizes that the situation got to that point

But when they start insulting his kid, he probably squares up because his kid wasn’t the one being a big stinking bully 

“Maybe if johnny wasn’t such a gosh darn dickhead to the others, he wouldn’t have gotten any bad karma?” 

After he leaves the hospital though he’s shaking like a fucking leaf dude

All his assertive energy for the week is SPENT

Takes his kid for a spa day so they can both relax or something lmao

[zukadiary]

Oshidori Utagassen / GRAND MIRAGE! ~ Flower 2023

Ft. one of my ticket cases :D

If seeing Tsukigumi was like stepping through a portal, seeing Hanagumi was like seeing Takarazuka for the first time. My last live Hanagumi was (checks notes) uhhh... Casanova. And with the exception of a Nice Work stream that I half paid attention to, Casanova is kinda also the last Hanagumi I saw, period. Oshidori had exactly one person in common with the visible cast of Casanova, and it was Rei. So here's my unbelievably fresh eyes take!

OSHIDORI SPOILERS:

No one is evil and no one dies!! 😭 This is a rakugo-inspired comedy based on an old movie that is readily available with English subs on YouTube, and I'd recommend watching it!

Oharu (Hoshikaze Madoka) is the daughter of Shimura Kyousai (Kazumi Shou), a rōnin turned umbrella maker. She is in love with another rōnin, Asai Reisaburou (Yuzuka Rei), who lives next door and teaches sword work to the local children, but he is being pursued by two of the town beauties, Otomi (Hoshizora Misaki) and Fujio (Mihane Ai). To make things even more difficult for Oharu, her father is obsessed with antiques, buying them even though he has little money and even when most of them eventually turn out to be fakes. A mistake puts him deeply in debt to the local lord, Minezawa Tanba-no-kami (Towaki Sea), and he is confronted with having to sell Oharu in order to pay it off. It turns out that Reisaburou, who prefers Oharu to the other two, is in possession of an extremely valuable antique; he was found with it in his basket when he was abandoned as an infant, and this means he's also the long lost oldest son of the Minezawa noble family. Everyone lives happily ever after!

Koyanagi-sensei is really the holy grail of Takarazuka in-house directors right now, in my humble opinion. This was such a good choice of adaptation, and her nihonmono comedy are always so fun and accessible. I was, frankly, jealous watching this; since I'm currently the least familiar with Hanagumi, I coveted it for my faves. But poor Rei has had quite a marred top star run (mostly due to COVID), and I'm glad she got a nearly complete run of such a fun show.

That said, Asai was unfortunately the least exciting character. This is definitely personal preference, but I don't really get fired up by the cool, quiet, aloof, handsome type in a lighthearted show, unless he's also the butt of jokes a la Daimon in Bakumatsu Taiyouden. I find Rei the most appealing in dynamic, dance-heavy performances, and Asai as a character was just too one-note for me.

OHARU, on the other hand...

Madoka will retire from Takarazuka, probably into a prolific stage career (if she wants it), and be remembered for/cast based on her high profile roles like Tess Ocean, Anastasia, and Elisabeth (shinko but still). If I were queen of the world I'd insist she be remembered for Oharu. Sometimes you watch so much Takarazuka you get the performance equivalent of nose blindness, and then out of nowhere, something like a Western guest director will jolt you awake and make you ask yourself, "What's different about this??" Madoka made an atypical acting choice! She did a weird voice! She was funny! She was adorable and charming! She stole the whole show, honestly.

Hitoko, my love. Last time I was in Japan, PRxPrince was in bow hall while On the 20th Century was in Shibuya, and I opted for OTTC, thus missing out on Hitoko entirely during that trip. That makes the last time I saw her live on stage friggin' Gaisenmon. That seems SO IMPROBABLE, but it's true. In that time, we went from MUCH too long-awaited first solo bow lead to ripe and ready for top stardom. Hitoko has a chameleon power that I think is pretty unique in Takarazuka; not only does she disappear into roles (positive), but also I truly think she could thrive in any troupe with little difficulty, and seem like she was there forever. As salty as I still am that she was stolen out from under me, she's the weft to Hanagumi's warp. Tanba-no-Kami was so fun and silly. I love finding out which new and different Hitoko I'm going to get each time, and I hope there are many many more variations to come (can't wait for Gekijou).

Other highlights:

VERY juicy (albeit old man) taidan role for Kazumi Shou. Dad is a big supporting character and she has a lot of stage time.

Shimon's presence is healing

Last time I saw Hanagumi, Mihane Ai was an unnamed ken-2 and Hoshizora Misaki was an unsorted rockette in Ocean's 11. It was funny to see the two apparent contenders for next top musumeyaku competing with the current top musumeyaku for the top star's heart. Since Hoshizora snagged the tour lead it sure seems like she's the front runner, but I have to say I personally preferred Mihane!

GRAND MIRAGE SPOILERS

The curtain went up on those pastel dresses and oversized bonnets and I just giggled to myself. It was Okada-sensei alright! Especially after the fresh delight that was Kaleidoscope, it was disappointing to go back to yet another pandemic-era revue that left me struggling to remember what any of the scenes were. It was classic, and if you're both into that style and a Hanagumi fan I'm sure there were memorable moments. To me it felt like Citrus Breeze if you sucked all the nostalgia out of it.

[doomedlemur]

Good Omens Fanfic Recs

I decided to write up and sort my fanfic recommendations and thoughts, mostly for my own benefit, as an organized list of my favorites for reference. But also, here it is in case anyone's interested.

Heads up, no post-season 2 fix-it fics on this list if that's what you're looking for. I've got mostly historical canon-compliance and AUs. A few post-season 1 canon-divergent.

Also, I'm a sucker for pining, but also headcanon these guys (gn) as demisexual virgins, so nearly all are ace-friendly except the long AUs.

Canon Compliant - short

In general I favor canon compliance and keeping in character. Part of what got me hooked on Good Omens fanfic was the immense breadth of history available to explore with these characters. Let's list in approximate chronological order!

Little Monkey in a Waistcoat (<1k) - Did you catch that line? Crowley spent much of the Battle for Heaven in monkey form!

A Letter from “Crawly” to Azirapil (<1k) - Fanfic in Cuneiform. Amazing.

see, how the most dangerous thing is to love (6.8k) - 1185 BC. Crawly and Aziraphale meet during the Trojan War as Achilles mourns Patroclus. Super well-researched and thought out with the Iliad! I'll be looking for more from this writer.

Cat's Charm & Serpent's Sorrow (<1k) - 942 BC. They come upon each other in a temple in Egypt.

Day 7: Alexandria (<1k) - Just a little saving of people and scrolls in the fire.

Ex Maria virgine (1.6k) - Gabriel at the annunciation! Pregnancy, how does that work??

that old common arbitrator, time (1.1k) - 1602. An epilogue of sorts for the Trojan War one, Crowley and Aziraphale critique Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida. Lots of fun references.

the stars are the same as ever (4.4k) - Vignettes about Crowley hanging out with astronomers in the 17th century.

Mean It (2k) - The origin of the Apology Dance. 1650, 1793, and 1941 all featured. Short and sweet, very believable. Just as flirty as I imagined.

Good Old-Fashioned Coffee Shop Date (1k) - 1750. Crowley goes to a coffeehouse to start an argument and guess who's also there!

well-versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice (3k) - Jane Austen, mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery, brandy-smuggler, master spy, and wrote books too. Well-researched, with Austen-esque prose, and perfectly fills in the background for how Crowley remembers her.

Crossing Paths (3k) - Edinburgh, 1827. Showing how Crowley and Aziraphale crossed paths there, and dropping us off where the Resurrectionists minisode begins. Delightful.

Temporary Tattoo (9.8k) - Okay, this one's arguable on the canon compliance, it's kinda a crack-fic (and feels way more 19th century than 11th so I'm putting it here in the chronology) but I loved it. Crowley's snake tattoo wanders, and he can feel what it feels. (The sequel is also really sweet, though definitely canon divergent.)

I stretch out the time (and now I know why) (6k) - 1960's ineffable wives and what happened to make Aziraphale say Crowley goes too fast.

Visibilium omnium et invisibilium (5.8k) - 1969. Crowley's planning another heist! Really silly. Excellent.

Orchids and Tea (3k) - A shameless plug for my own fic. Meet the old lady downstairs who Crowley gives his "bad" plants to.

What You've Lost But Never Had (3k) - A sweet outsider POV with Maggie's closeted grandfather.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) (1.8k) - Handy guide for interpreting the store hours, etc.

All of This is Completely Normal Here (6.8k) - Some pre-armageddon fun with Crowley and Aziraphale being interviewed at a police station. Crowley is a regular and they have bingo cards.

The Disposables (7.5k) - Arguably canon divergent. Surprisingly heartwarming. Eric the Disposable Demon is buds with the Usher.

When You're Through With Life and All Hope is Lost (Friends Will Be Friends) (<1k) - COVID-era ficlet post-Lockdown minisode.

The Last Four Years (11.7k) - Perfectly fills in the gap between the seasons with all the feelings and poor communication that brought us here, from the Ritz to Aziraphale's phone call.

Pointless (1.5k) - An exploration of Crowley as he is at the beginning of season 2, anxious and depressed about the pointlessness of it all.

Been Together Long? (1.2k) - It's so common for fics to depict Crowley as knowingly in love but hiding his feelings for 6000 years. But I don't think he's self-aware enough for that, and I really do believe that was an Oh moment with Nina on the street. This fic is an excellent insight into what he was thinking there.

The Afternoon Lecture (<1k) - A cute little outsider POV fic, set sometime in the Happily Ever After probably.

The Slings and Arrows of Angelic Archery (<1k) - Guess which historical/legendary figure Crowley was! Sadly just a little modern-day conversation about it rather than the actual thing. (I'm writing it though, stay tuned! 👀)

A Narrow Escape to the Country (10.7k) - This one is so fun! Crowley and Aziraphale are guests on a house-hunting TV show. (Established relationship with innuendo, but all sexy times are off-camera.)

My Roommate from Hell (5.7k) - Warlock ends up college roommates with Adam, and yeah, Warlock's upbringing made him kinda weird.

But the greatest of these is love (2.1k) - Lovely/sweet/silly garden fluff for the happily ever after.

Canon Divergent - long

Divergent in that these were written before season 2 came out, so branch off from after season 1.

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach (99k) - This one is recommended a lot I know, but deservedly so. This was the first GO fanfic I read, as I idly looked to see what had the most kudos. And then I couldn't put it down.

Instructions Not Included (68k) - Plot heavy but excellent. I loved the writing style of this one; it's so evocative with its metaphors, but without being flowery. Sadly left a few unanswered questions since the sequel was abandoned, but it's still well worth reading. Very realistic progression of feelings between Crowley and Aziraphale (intimacy without sexuality).

The Sandford Flower Show (E) (46k) - This was a bit of a painful read with flashbacks to ancient Egypt, but it's very good. Many feels. (Higher sex-drive than I generally prefer for canonverse, so note that E rating.)

Canon Divergent - short

Slow (9.3k) - Adam assumed Crowley and Aziraphale were married and restored the bookshop with a marriage certificate on the wall. Miscommunication and sweetness ensues.

Human AUs - long (modern day)

It took me a while to warm up to the idea of reading AUs, since the immortal natures and powers of Crowley and Aziraphale are so integral to their characters (also I personally don't seek out fanfics for the smut and the highly rec'd ones are nearly always Explicit). But after seeing Slow Show in particular recommended so often, I finally gave it a go. Yes, the human versions of the characters are always different in varying ways, but I've found it really fascinating to see the different ways characters, scenes, and lines get reinterpreted in AUs and have now read way more of them than I expected to.

Slow Show (E) (95k) - I have never in my life read anything (fanfic or otherwise) as emotionally intense as Slow Show. This fic is all lust and angst and I physically felt the agony of it for days while I read. While other fics are also explicit, this is the most mature and "adult" feeling with its themes. Yes this fic is recommended a lot, but its reputation is well earned. However, that said, I wouldn't say it's my favorite.

Old Vines (E) (189k) - Excellent slow burn. This one really captures the aspect of them both being anxious/frustrated under contractual obligations, wishing they could be freer to do their own thing. Truly gratuitous descriptions of all aspects of wine, from growth, production, tasting, and quantity consumed. I learned a lot. Was also actually really inspired by Aziraphale's journey in this.

Or Be Nice (E) (151k) - I wasn't sure I'd like this one at first, but I'm glad I went for it. It's more a character study than a drama. Well done progression from enemies to lovers, and some of the very best conversational dynamics (if a bit of ngk overuse). This one highlights the petty/mischievous sides of Crowley and Aziraphale that are rarely found in fanfics, and the execution is delightful. Loved Anathema in this also.

stalwart sun, wily moon (370k) - (What, a non-explicit long AU??) This fic is amazing. Yes, long, it could use some editing to cut back a tad tbh, but still, amazing. Heist AU with an intriguing plot and life or death stakes. Characters and side characters all really well done, incorporates everything from the botched baby swap to the Great Plan and more. Amazing. Really. Only fic I've bought a physical printing of.

Talk about the weather (81k) - (Technically not explicit but yeah no they have sex.) Weatherman/stormchaser AU. They have an Arrangement. The premise of this one was weird for me because I headcanon Crowley as disliking the rain, but it's good. Not the typical characterizations you see in fics, which was really refreshing. Finally! Someone who remembers Aziraphale is kind of a bastard who doesn't say what he means, and someone who lets Crowley be happy and confident instead of a nervous wreck!

on the same page (E) (117k) - They're both writers. A very good execution of your classic fake marriage. Some lush metaphorical prose. Excellent characterizations on our pair, and the setup preceded by 6 years of intense yearning was just perfect. I do wish the side characters had gotten more fleshed out.

Married at First Sight (146k) - This premise is so silly (though then again the TV show does really exist), but it's actually really well done. The feels nearly made me cry.

And so beguile thy sorrow (48k) - Aziraphale is a librarian and Crowley is "that patron." The premise may not sound very unique, but it's excellent. Really clever. Nice slow burn. This fic remembers they are not well adjusted, and leaves a lot unsaid, which I kinda like. Highly recommended, particularly if you like fics that mirror season 1 story beats.

Find the Light (E) (97k) - Headmaster/Rock star AU. This one has a dynamic that I have been dying to see: that they know they are loved by the other, but can't speak or act on it for Reasons, while at the same time being unable to stay away from each other. Pining without uncertainty or loneliness. Love it. Really, they're too sweet and communicative to truly be in character, but it's a beautiful fic. (Written post s2 so we get Muriel and Nina, and Metatron is the villain instead of Gabriel.)

Human AUs - long (historical)

On Espionage and Prophecy (E) (133k) - Take the first season 1941 flashback and make it a novel-length human AU. Aziraphale's a bookseller and Crowley's a spy working with him to double-cross the double-crossing Nazis. I will say the plot contrivance sometimes requires a bit of suspension of disbelief, but that's okay, it's fun and has some great pining.

Half Agony, Half Hope (E) (31k) - Regency era AU, but it's not all Jane Austen fantasy-land. We've got some real history lessons here, highlighting the political struggles of the time. This one's on the short side, but doesn't really feel like it; time passes behind the scenes, so the relationship doesn't feel rushed. Overall it's excellent and really deserves more love.

Human AUs - short

On the Ethics of Asking Your Professor on a Date (7.4k) - I kinda wish this one was a bit better with the showing vs. telling in places, but I still found it really charming.

Postcards From Paris (12k) - Crowley starts receiving postcards from an A.Z.F. meant for the previous tenant, and after awhile gets a chance to write back. Very sweet.

Oh, Lord, Heal This Love (7.3k) - "Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don't know each other." Very funny and also really sweet.

Miscellaneous AUs - short

air conditioned, love unconditional (8.8k) - AU where Aziraphale is a ceiling fan and Crowley is an air conditioning unit. Look, it's adorable, okay? (though the ending is kinda silly)

Speaking in Code (8.9k) - Cute queer Outsider POV. Aziraphale and Crowley become college professors in their retirement. Arguably canon compliant, but I'm calling it an AU since I don't really see it happening. A+ for the accurate gender treatment on Aziraphale.

Lit (12.7k) - Technically canon-divergent from the book? Crowley takes a university course on literature and surprise! The book they’re discussing is Good Omens. Crack treated seriously. It works really well actually!

Like a spiral sea unending (1.1k) - Crowley is a black hole, Aziraphale is a giant star. They're drawn to each other like gravity (pun intended).

[morhath]

hey I saw your tags on that one simpsons linguistics post and like legit curious... what's linguistic relativity? (this is assuming you'd wanna talk about it; if not feel free to tell me to google it 👍)

as much as I love a good rant sadly I have a migraine on top of COVID so I am not up for one right now, so yeah, I recommend looking it up to get The Full Info, the wikipedia page is pretty good

it's also known as the sapir-whorf hypothesis but that's inaccurate

there's a strong version ("language super controls how you think") and a weak version ("language influences how you think a little bit") and as you may be able to guess the strong version is almost definitely wrong while there's decent evidence for the weak version

the basic points of my Entire Rant are:

honestly I'm still a lil suspicious of the weaker version at times/at least suspicious of how it's interpreted

I would like to confiscate the strong version from sff authors for at least twenty years. no more linguistic relativity for you. you can't use it anymore. I'm so tired. Ted Chiang you get an exception because Story of Your Life (short story that was the basis for the movie "Arrival") is very good even if it is scientifically inaccurate. but I think it's overdone, frankly often stupid, and playing into public perception of this kind of stuff which is a problem because...

so much racism all the time (this is a huge part of the previous two points) (I cannot overstate how much racism I encounter with this stuff) (primarily in non-linguistics spaces but still) (I've even fallen for it when I was younger and just interested in linguistics but hadn't studied it yet) (it's so pervasive and so many people believe this shit) (obvi you can't just Take This Theory Away b/c people are being racist about it but I really don't love how people generally talk about/use it)

giant disclaimer tho that this is not really My Area of linguistics so I am BASICALLY a layperson here

also the full rant involves exploding babies and [other main interesting bit redacted because it occurs to me there's a possibility for some sort of paper or talk there actually and I keep SAYING I want to return to the cold and unloving arms of academia]

[doomednarrative]

that anon again! yeah as far as geats goes (and to a lesser extent 01, though i'm wayyyy more forgiving of its failings given how the production was affected by covid) i think takahashi is kind of burdened by how much of a breakout hit exaid was in terms of his own writing and expectations from executives.

like exaid was an absolutely enormous success. it printed so so so so much money. it was takahashi's first foray into rider too, so if your first show is an infinite money forever machine... expectations stick. the last quarter or so of geats definitely felt like him desperately trying to replay the exaid hits without the context or narrative to really prop them up the way they shone in exaid. since that's what made money and fans last time, right?

(though in an exaid context i'm takahashi's strongest soldier forever lol - exaid was the most fun year of my life)

also for something lighter did you know masamune is played by a popstar? the duo he's in, access, have been around for 30 years! they released a trilogy of songs about gay love in the 90s (drastic mermaid, scandalous blue, tear's liberation) and were the explicit inspiration for gravitation!

Oh yeah I have no doubt considering how big Ex Aid was that anything Takahashi put out afterwards was going to have massive eyes on it and be hit harder in the critisism department (and that is Exactly what happened with Geats.) And to be fair, I Did really like Geats as it was airing save for the ending, the only reason I critique it as much now is because I've seen other shows stick their landing much better since watching it and it just makes me sad that Geats didnt get that, because I did have a lot of fun with it, especially because it was my first weekly show and I discussed it with Kins and Tai as it went.

And to also be fair to Ex Aid, I love it. Like genuinely this show shot to the top of my favorite list right alongside OOO, I did not expect to love it this much but it's Such a fun watch and the character drama is fuckin unparalelled and exactly the kinda thing I live for. But it's because I love it that I critique it too, if I'm just kinda Meh on something I won't have much to say either way, but the stuff I genuinely enjoy makes me Think, and Ex Aid is no exception there.

I Did know about Masamune having a music career cause Tai mentioned it but I didn't know the band! His vocals are insane tbh I'm definitely gonna give his other stuff a listen cause his inserts for Ex Aid are fucking Bangers. Wish in the Dark alone is so so so good