#it was funny but damn

[earlymorningfoxhunt]

day 22 of thinking about malevolent: I can officially go without think about arthur lester for a whole hour, however while playing dungeons and dragons our dm was monologing and my brain auto-generated faroes goodbye

[blaithnne]

Live Mel reaction

[prlssprfctn]

Jason-theatre-kid-Todd, who physically cannot stop making dramatic speeches before taking down an enemy, which absolutely contradicts the way League of Assassins work, which in turn pisses Ra's Al Ghul off.

Ra's Al Ghul: I was going through reports. Why did the last mission take you... an hour and twenty minutes to finish? The target was right there - defenceless atop of that.

Assassin: ...General was speaking.

Ra's Al Ghul: How long his speech took?

Assassin: ...Let's say, he took the target down within twenty seconds.

Ra's Al Ghul: ...What a one can talk about for an hour and twenty minutes, for God's sake!!!

Ra's: Had you spoken to a kid? Had you reminded him that he is not under Dark Knight's wing now? That I won't tolerate talks about justice?

Talia: I, in fact, did.

Ra's: So? What did he say?

Talia: Do you want me to quote him or just to summarise it?

Ra's: Humour me. Be as precise as you can.

Talia: He said, and I quote: "Ra's can [indescribable string of curses that they had never heard before]"

[corvid-khaos]

fionna and cake but simon drops increasingly wild anecdotes about his life

[azrail-has-a-vendetta]

Jason: how old are you again Tim?

Tim: seventeen

Jason: I thought you were seventeen last year?

Tim: ……

Dick: oh they won’t let him age!

Jason: wtf who’s they?

Dick (93 years old): (◐‿◑)

Jason: whO THE FUCK IS THEY?!

[cryptocism]

big fan of daniel going completely off the rails while shouting "im nORMAL i am NORMAL im A NORMAL MAN" the whole time

i got commissioned to do another excerpt from the Devil's Minion chapter of Queen of the Damned and it was So Much Fun these two are insane

chapter excerpt under the cut:

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[james-spooky]

what if you were GAY and inside a COMPUTER with your BOYFRIEND and your EVIL BOSS and a random IT WORKER

[hexedwithluck]

I did the meme :)

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Green thumb (dp x dc)

“Why won’t you grow?” Danny asked the little corner of fresh dirt he’d been allocated when he’d signed up for the community garden project. Sam had been the one to suggest it, and with significantly less ghost-fighting to do now that he’d moved away, it had seemed like a great new hobby.

“I gave you water, and all the other things Sam said to do, what more could you have wanted,” Danny said as he poked the desiccated stalk despondently.

Somewhere far off, there was the echo of screams, and something like a crash. Danny paid it no mind, thinking it might be an event or something starting. Gotham was a big city, and there was always something going on.

“I can’t tell Sam about this,” Danny sighed as he put his face in his hands. “She’d laugh at me.”

He sat in front of his failed tomato plants for a while longer before getting to his feet with a sigh. As he did, he turned to walk away, only to see a woman with bright red hair and greenish skin standing a few paces away. Behind her there was something like a cloud of something and Danny immediately stopped breathing.

Not having to breathe was definitely his favourite power ever, he hated hay fever.

“Hey,” Danny said with a little wave.

In response the woman raised an arm and a thick vine-looking thing shot out of the ground.

“Holy shit!” The halfa exclaimed. That was pretty cool. Controlling plants was seriously an awesome power, and majorly underrated if one listened to Sam’s rants.

Wait, controlling plants?

“Can you revive my tomato plants?” Danny asked the woman enthusiastically, before remembering himself. “Uh, please?”

The woman stopped moving and frowned.

“It’s just that I really tried to keep it alive, but this is the first time I’ve taken care of plants and I was really looking forward to fresh tomatoes,” the halfa babbled.

She tilted her head.

“Please? I can get you a smoothie in exchange, I know a great place, they also do ice cream.”

The woman’s lips twitched and then she waved her hand and continued walking.

Danny turned around to find his tomato plant green and alive.

“Oh my god, thank you!” He yelled, but she was already leaving.

Danny owed her the best smoothie in town.

[wishing-well-art]

Knee deep in the passenger's seat or whatever

[poorlydrawninstarsandtime]

really specific hangups

[ids in alt]

[bacchuschucklefuck]

[ninjasmudge]

(warning, may be loud 🔊)

x2 the torment!

[emperorsfoot]

I just recalled a random memory this morning from when I was in scouts. I had a friend who’s mom was a devout catholic, but we were good friends through scouts. One year my friend wanted to give me a gift for Chanukah so their mom took us to Toys R Us together so I could pick out what I wanted. The mom handed my friend cash at the register so my friend could say they bought it and they paid a little extra for wrapping.

As we were leaving the mom said that I couldn’t open it until Christmas.

But my friend specifically said they were giving it to me for Chanukah. Chanukah that year was a week or two before Christmas (I don’t remember exactly) and the mom said that if I opened it before Christmas “Jesus would know”. I cannot stress enough that my friend wanted it to be a CHANUKAH present.

I’m dropped off at home and my friends mom tells my parents that I can’t open my present until Christmas, meanwhile my friend is in the back seat frustrated and almost shouting “Mom [Renkon] is Jewish!”

My dad just nods and says he understands. He’ll make sure I don’t open it until “the appropriate time”.

First night of Chanukah rolls around and my dad hands me the present and tells me to open it but don’t say anything to my friend until he has a chance to talk to their mother.

So I get to enjoy my toy FOR CHANUKAH like my friend intended.

Anyway, Christmas come and goes. Then new years, then on January 3rd my dad calls the mom and asks “what day does your holiday fall on this year? [Renkon] would like to open their present.”

[petrichormariposa]

I don’t think brenna’s the type of person cut out for this durge life