#it was fun while it lasted but this is it. this is where i die and we never meet again
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yoredoesmore · 3 days ago
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Old Habits Don't Die | Hoshina Soshiro
pairing: Hoshina Soshiro x Reader
genre: fluff/a lil romance/slowburn/enemies to lovers
summary: your childhood enemy still gives you a hard time even after all these years.
wc: 3k
Taglist: @adimelymanner @soshirohoshinasimp @istarluvx @hoshinasblade
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“Mrs. Yuki! Soshiro stole my building blocks again!” A voice yelled out. It did not take much to depict the clear annoyance and irritation that were laced into the cry. And if it wasn't obvious enough that you were moments away from lashing out on the other kid, the deep frown on your face served the purpose of further indicating your strong emotions of anger.
“They don't belong to ya!” Soshiro claimed boldly, completely disregarding the possible threat you would turn into, and continued to dangle the red pieces just slightly out of your reach. It was in that moment where you felt deep sympathy for bulls and learned to understand how seeing a simple color could drive on to go such lengths.
Kindergarten was supposed to be a place free from complications and pressure, for the children at least, yet you found yourself in a solid cloud of stress constantly. The source of your worrying state being no other than Hoshina Soshiro.
"You can't hog the animal plushies, you have to share them, Soshiro!”
“So that they end up stinking like ya?? "No way!"
The boy's snarky remarks were often followed by a rude motion of similar disrespect. Darting out his tongue and giving you nasty grimaces have become an everyday occurrence. You have thought about smacking him too many times, more than you would like to admit but you refused to lower yourself to his antics.
Besides the constant nagging and stealing, Soshiro loved to call you names. Pigtails had turned into a bad word when taken into his mouth and it has even come so far that he no longer used your name and rather referred to you by your hairstyle.
You sat neatly tucked in one of the reading corners, the world but just a mere background sound to you. The picture book held images that you have never seen before, it was deeply interesting. Caught up in the moment and feelings, you did not notice the malicious source approaching you.
By the time you took notice of his presence it was already too late.
Soft hands reached out for your pigtails, slightly pulling you up by the hair. The motion was more sudden than painful, yet you still let out a loud scream. Almost immediately, one of the caretakers came to your aid and you wasted no time telling them about Hoshinas' antics.
He was sentenced to 15 minutes in the corner after.
A sly, almost triumphant smile sat on your lips, watching the boy finally get the punishment he deserved. And of course you did not fail to show him your jolliness.
“Serves you right!” You cheerfully exclaimed, tongue darted out to give him a taste of his own medicine. The boy simply rolled his eyes and scoffed.
“All ya do is cry cry cry, that's no fun!” It appeared that Soshiro was more upset about you ending his antics before he could even start, rather than having to carry out the punishment. His eyes sat on yours for a while, as if he was trying to communicate something, but then he returned his gaze to the corner for good.
The day went on, and to your surprise, Soshiro did not even think about approaching you. The moments felt peaceful and calm, yet something was missing. Once again, you found yourself in a play corner, building towers that were meant to reach great heights. A figure approached you and it was no other than Mrs. Yuki.
“The tower looks amazing, Y/n!” She cheered you on, earning a smile from you.
“Without Soshiro here, I can make it even higher than before!” You cheerfully chimed.
“True, at last there is peace. But it must also be boring without him, right?” She suddenly suggested
“Not at all! Soshiro is sooo noisy, like a goose! I'm glad that he is no longer around to bother me.” You said firmly, standing your ground. The woman simply chuckled, her hands finding themselves in your hair to give it a strong ruffle.
She had a certain look in her eyes, one you found yourself unsure of. Then she left.
Whatever they told Soshiro after getting out of the corner had a strong effect on the boy for the remaining day. He stopped bothering or insulting you and when he had to start a conversation, he made sure to address you by your proper name. The newly established peace felt great for a while, but as the day moved on, it began to bore you out indeed. You missed the old dynamic and how he used to enthusiastically approach you just to get on your nerves again– but of course you would never admit that.
Did you break him? The Soshiro who was known as the powerhouse of your kindergarten group?
A subtle frown accompanied you on your way to the front door where your mother was waiting for you for pick up. Once again, you were so deep in thought that you did not notice the kid that was running right at you.
And then you felt someone harshly pull on your pigtails.
“Soshirooo!” You started crying and Mrs. Yuki already came to your aid to comfort you.
The boy topped off his harassment by showing you the nastiest expression known by a child, or mankind, his tongue spitting at you from a distance.
Old habits unfortunately never die.
After that day, he was put into a different kindergarten group, to no one's surprise. You still saw him every now and then but it never came to any big interactions besides on excursions. But even then, the caretakers made sure that you stayed unbothered by him.
The moments of silence soon turned into solid years. You almost forgot what it felt like, to experience true anger during elementary and middle school. Of course there were some pesky and annoying peers every here and there but none of them had the unfortunate effect that Soshiro had on you. Thus, life remained livable until you reached the academy.
Like a vicious circle everything fell back into place, the insults, the bickering, the testing of your patience– it was like a bad joke that repeated itself over and over again.
“Students are not allowed to use the training rooms on the third floor, they are strictly reserved for the higher ranked students. It's written in the student manual, very hard to skip, unless you don't read it of course..” You spat sternly, the last part coming out as a mocking whisper. You took your job as a student council member as serious as ever and especially Soshiro got to feel the abuse of your powers.
“Calm down, Pigtails.” He replied, not even looking at you as he continued with his stretching.
“Literally nobody cares besides ya and yer stupid manual book. The training rooms downstairs are too crowded– and besides, the higher ranked students barely come up here.”
Whenever you tried to use rules and order on this guy, Soshiro would simply disregard you. It was a constant back and forth with the man, a nightmare that you desperately hoped to escape one day..
11 years later…
“We should get the report back soon.” Okonogi said, a soft smile twirling on her lips as she looked up at you. You nodded your head, exercising one last bow before exiting the room.
You had just started your job at the Defense Force, specifically, as the operations Vice Leader for the Third Division alongside Okonogi.
Today is going to be another all nighter You thought and sighed.
It has always been your dream to secure this position and after hard training and lots of extra studying you finally made it.
Your eyes scanned through the countless files in your hands, trying to figure out which one you should tackle first.
It was a habit of yours, (one you desperately tried to get rid off) blending out everything and everyone around you the moment your eyes fell on a text. You walked in wonky motions, shadowing as many passages as possible before reaching your destination. To your luck, the last time you checked (two minutes ago) the hallway was empty.
It was peaceful all around you, so much that you even began to humm a melody. But what pulled you back into reality was the sharp pain that suddenly spread through your skull, inflicted by a flick to your forehead.
“Watch it, Pigtails.” A light, yet cocky voice suddenly spoke into the silence.
What the..
Your body froze over from head to toe, all senses on high alert. The man who made the comment simply kept walking, not even bothering with your presence. All that remained of him was the soft tone of his voice in the back of your head and the burning feeling his fingers had left behind on your head.
“Soshiro..?”
*
All night was spent thinking about the black haired individual and the memories you were taken back to. The Hoshina Soshiro, the child who made your childhood a mess and caused you stress beyond imagination, he was now working at the exact same place you applied for. What a joke.
Since you both went to Tokyo Neutralization University, you figured that he was going to walk down this path but to end up at the exact same Division..that was simply your bad luck.
Those thoughts accompanied you throughout the remaining day– and their weight was evident on your face. Okonogi took notice of the change in your usually cheerful demeanor and wasted no time in addressing the matter.
“Is all well? You seem a little out of it today.” Her voice sat laced in concern and worry.
“Oh yes, no worries please. It’s just..I think I ran into an old acquaintance of mine yesterday. Here in the building. Haven't seen him in a while and we go like, wayyy back.” The chuckle that left your lips was drenched in awkwardness and discomfort. You placed a strong emphasis on the words acquaintance, refusing to refer to him as enemy or bully to not create a misunderstanding.
Okonogi shook her head in an understanding manner before returning her attention back to her screen.
“Sounds great. Why not talk to him and ask how he has been? I'm sure he was just as surprised to see you again.”
It was such simple advice, easy to digest and execute, yet you immediately knew that you could not follow it. Walking up to him of all people would destroy your mind, even thinking about it had your head spinning.
While the thoughts in your head once again went spiraling, you failed to notice the appearance of a new presence. The door opened and almost immediately all the workers around you stopped their work and researches in their tracks to greet the individual, all but you.
Okonogi gave you a soft nudge against the shoulders in an attempt to get your attention but you failed to react in time. A soft “hm?” was all she managed to acquire, while your eyes stayed focused on your lap. And when you finally turned your head to the direction she was looking at, all you were met with was the back of a clipboard that was milliseconds away from colliding with your head.
Thud
You groaned. The weight of the item came crashing down on your head out of nowhere. It hurt your pride more than it did your body and the discomfort was clearly displayed on your face.
“Normally I don't need to go such lengths to get my subordinates attention, Pigtails.”
Almost immediately your eye shot open and locked with the man who stood before your seated figure. Your heart tightened into a knot and for a second, you could feel a slight gush of heat sweep over your face.
“Hoshina..” Your eyes held a shimmer the man did not know existed. Astonishment and fright, two so distant emotions, came together in your eyes to create something indescribable.
“..Address me with Captain if you seek my acknowledgement. Now, pay attention or move somewhere else.” Without allowing your heart or mind to catch up to the situation, Captain Hoshina moved back to the center of the room to make the announcement he came for.
There he was, an old enemy, right in front of you. The years have only done him favors. Although he never abandoned the bowl cut, his face has grown into that of a man, handsome with no imperfections to be found. His body too has adapted to his age and profession. Lean muscles and a fit build– he was far from unattractive.
Hoshina had come to pass down some information about the approval of the request the operation team put in a while ago about improvements on both the suit supervision and training program. (Un)fortunately (you were conflicted about his sudden visit) he did not stay for too long, bidding the room goodbye before disappearing as fast as he came. But before fully exiting the room he made sure to shoot you one last look.
“He has changed..” You whispered, thinking about the vigilant rebel you once had to deal with who somehow managed to transform into a high ranked supervisor. Never would you have thought that Hoshina would be one to play by the rules, that simply left you speechless.
From there on no day went by without him somehow finding a way to disturb your work life. He wasn't as persistent or flashy as back then but he made sure to pull you out of your little daydreams or sneak up at you when you were idly walking around the hallways.
Old habits truly never die.
If it wasn't for Okonogi taking care of you every now and then, sending you little notes in which she reminded you to eat enough or covering you up with a blanket whenever the all nighters had you falling asleep at your desk, you would have imploded from exhaustion.
Today was that kind of day. You had fallen asleep around 9pm in your small office and found yourself wrapped up in a cozy blanket. You smiled softly, rubbing the remaining sleep out of your eyes as you got up and folded the rug into a neat cube.
After taking a long and calculated look at the papers you had worked on before drifting off, you decided that you have truly done enough for the day and deserved to sleep in a proper bed.
Therefore you left all as it was and moved forth to exit your office. But as you pulled open the door and took the first step out, you were met with a view that had you thinking that this might be a dream after all.
Soshiro stood leaned against the wall across the hallway, arms crossed over his chest and surprise written all over his face. It seemed like neither of you had expected the other here.
“Soshiro?” It was evident in your voice that you had just woken up.
“Yer awake already?” The way he was asking the question sounded like you were not supposed to be, which left you even more confused.
“What are you doing here?” Although still tired, you did not allow yourself to ease your guard. Knowing him, he was never too tired to spit out a snarky remark or send something flying against your forehead again. But waiting for you in front of your office? That was too much, even for you.
Hoshina did not answer your question immediately, allowing it to float around in the air for a moment before picking it up again. His body moved forward, abandoning the support of the wall and inching closer to you. His arme remained locked though.
“Came to check on ya.”
“The truth please, I'm too tired for this.”
“I ain't lying..don't make this awkward.”
The sudden switch up in his demeanor from sarcastic to soft already made the situation awkward enough, but fortunately for him, you were indeed too tired to properly react. And you could not deny, his softness did manage to peak your interest.
“Yer always doing the most, putting effort into tasks that did not need all that endeavor. I already knew when I first saw ya here that yer were going to burn that little skull of yers out.” His fingers, surprise to none, poked your forehead, slightly pushing you back. You groaned, ready to go off on him but he cut you off.
“So I came to check on ya..every now and then. Maybe, I don't know, because I felt bad for stuff.. “ Hoshina did not finish that sentence, he didn't have to, his emotions were written all over his face.
His words took your mind into a distant space where nothing made sense and all that was floated around in the atmosphere. Hoshina changed. It took him a decade and fragments of his old persona remained but he was not entirely the same anymore. Little you would have died to experience this moment.
Wait a second..
“So those notes and the food on my desk– and the blankets..that was you?” The only reply the man was able to give you was a subtle nodding of his head.
And in exactly that moment your heart skipped a beat.
You immediately felt repulsed. The fact that he of all people was the cause for your fastened heartbeat was a difficult thought to stomach but somewhere, deep down, you were smiling.
“Oh, yer pigtails came undone while ya were asleep.” Hoshina acknowledged, trying to divert the gravity of this conversation to another point. The tension had indeed become so thick it was almost palpable.
“Oh no..I took them out after a certain someone mocked me for them today. He said something along the lines about how they're not fit for such a serious work environment.” You shot him a judgy look and rolled your eyes to which he replied with scoff.
“I was just joking, ya gotta stop taking everything so seriously. Besides,” Soshiros's hands suddenly moved up to your hair, caressing it in gentle motions.
“I think they look cute. Always have.”
He was teasing you again, he had to be. The gentle smile on his face and the soft blush that hushed over his cheeks, he must be toying with you, right? Just like back then in kindergarten, where he would add cute hair clips into your hair without you noticing at first or changing your name cards so you would sit next to him during lunch, he was simply goofing around. After all, old habits don't die.
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a/n: me: I have no motivation to write but here is a 3k slowburn fic guys 🥺 lol idk what came over me but the words for this fic just appeared out of nowhere (hope this keeps up)
The city (tumblr) needs me so I hope I will be able to provide you guys with more hoshina content and I also hoped you enjoyed this piece! Not much romance but a little something at the end 😼 consider this a warm up.
Btw I have absolutely no idea how a taglist works, I just tagged random people who interact with my content ^^ (hope you guys don't mind)
See you next time!!
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darkshrimpemotions · 2 days ago
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There's no way I can be even REMOTELY coherent and putting under a read more to make EXTRA sure I don't spoil anyone but MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. (so many spoilers below the cut, I cannot overstate this lmao)
This episode. This fucking episode. First of all, me and some friends watched The Warriors (1979) - the film Colin references at the start of the episode and the inspiration for the episode's overall plot and premise - a few weeks ago and I have been feral ever since at the Implications and Possibilities. But in the end, I knew they couldn't give us EVERYTHING that a 90-minute movie gave in 25-30 minutes. There are the things I desperately wanted, in order of most to least:
Guillermo being confronted with the vampires and his slayer family and choosing to go with the vampires once and for all.
Guillermo and Nandor argument while broken away from the group that ends in a feverish kiss (yes, I knew this was a very remote possibility, but it was a nonzero chance, Swan/Mercy is SO Nandermo coded!!!).
Guillermo fight scene, Nandor fight scene, OR Guillermo and Nandor fighting back to back against a horde of vampires.
The death of fucking Jerry.
Either no Guidor at all or a solid rejection from The Guide.
A bunch of themed vampire covens facing off with our beloved Staten Island vampires.
Just a big wide-lens look at vampire society overall, maybe with some cool cameos from other vampire media again.
Fun costumes and direct references to the movie beyond just the plot, whether in filming style, music choices, specific lines, etc.
And here's the thing. This episode gave me MOST of what I wanted, some of it in ways I didn't expect, and the only thing it DIDN'T give me that I desperately wanted was the Swan/Mercy parallels with Nandermo. But then...it honestly kind of did still? It was SUCH an episode.
Like I said NONE of this is coherent but once again, Colin Robinson being the MVP of little asides that are so fucking funny when you catch them. Nadja killing spree my ABSOLUTE beloved. More Ladja talking through some of their issues and being thee married couple of all time. THE GOOD GUIDOR i.e. Nandor finally tries to make a move and gets shut down SO hard, with the Guide EXPLICITLY positioning herself as just another check in Nandor's long-standing pattern of chasing after relationships that won't ever work long-term.
And all the vampire family talk! First, Nandor saying Guillermo isn't part of the family anymore (HELLUVA WAY TO FIND OUT HE EVER WAS LMAO) and the rest of them chiming in and egging him on about how he's made it SO clear he wants nothing to do with the vampire world. And what I love is how soundly it reads as utter bullshit. OF COURSE he's still part of the family. They all know it, and so does he honestly.
That's why he doesn't even hesitate later when he says Nandor's his best friend. That's why they immediately call him when they need help, and he of course immediately runs to help them. If anything, that was ONCE AGAIN Nandor trying to get Guillermo to insist on his place at Nandor's side (a la THE LAST THREE SEASONS) and this time the whole family backed him up on it and Guillermo STILL didn't take the bait. Because Guillermo doesn't need to insist on it, he knows where he really belongs and fits. He practically said it himself when he was talking to Miguel about Familia.
And then Nandor being so delighted to meet Miguel...having heard and remembered stories Guillermo has told him about Miguel...saying Guillermo's family are their family and of course Nandor and the others would never hurt him.
AND THE RETURN OF SLAYER MEMO. The way Nandor looked at Guillermo when he killed that guy with a fucking No. 2 pencil. The way they all not only trusted that Guillermo could handle it without them, but also were having such a great time watching and calling out encouragement (Colin again my beloved).
GUILLERMO TELLING MIGUEL ABOUT VAMPIRES AND MIGUEL BEING COOL ABOUT IT. Miguel being ride or die for his primo despite clearly thinking he's lost his mind.
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OUTFIT. YANA CAMEO MY BELOVED. ALEX SKARSGARD. ALL THE VAMPIRE GANGS WERE SO FUNNY AND PERFECT. FUCKING JERRY IS FUCKING DEAD.
They gave me basically everything I wanted except Nandermo making out in a tunnel as a train rushes by them. But like. I always knew that was Unlikely lol (still, I do have Thoughts and Feelings about it but. Eh...I'm not going to let it ruin my enjoyment of the episode, not with Nandor and Guillermo giving each other all those fucking heart eyes and basically reaffirming that they're family, and Nandor MEETING YET ANOTHER MEMBER OF GUILLERMO'S FAMILY AND BEING ACCEPTED. Introducing his bf in increments).
And the Baron being absolutely on top of his shit, the hair, the robes, the plan, the several kids and a doting husband at home...He is Everything.
Just a great fucking episode! And after last week's very cute fun little episode! I feel like I could lift a bus. No idea how I'm going to sleep.
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arrowheadedbitch · 3 days ago
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Okay, I've officially seen the Mephisto death scene (though not the actual episode it happens, what can I say, I'm bad about seeking out spoilers) and I have to say, I'm not convinced.
You're seriously telling me that they killed off a fan favorite character and WEREN'T planning to reveal that he survived in the next season they thought they were getting? Don't make me laugh. It is shown time and time again that the twins have a teleport away spell, it's a perfectly planted scapegoat to explain how he got away! Even from the first episode, we see the twins teleport away just as a blast is about to hit them, I don't think this is any different.
I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure the plan was to reveal Mephisto was never dead and I have a knack for calling this kind of thing so just trust me, all right?
And this isn't just denial talking, could that blast have killed him? Yeah. But, he's not only a fan favorite character that many watchers liked more than the PRINCESSES, the perfect way for him to escape has been planned since his introduction!!
But, Praxina was clearly meant to be the villain in season 3, fighting Iris since she blames her for her brother's death, right? Yeah but that doesn't mean he's actually dead, just PERCIEVED dead
An explosion like that? There wouldn't really be any suspicion if they couldn't find his remains since he got magically blown up, there's no way to prove he died and since Prax literally watched him sacrifice himself for her, she would assume he was dead even if she couldn't find any evidence because...why wouldn't you? He exploded and didn't come back right away.
So where is he? Obviously, we don't know this since we didn't get season 3 but I'll share my guesses on the matter
1. He could be in a different kingdom
It's possible but I don't see it being what actually happened but him turning up in the kingdom of a princess who didn't help fight Gramorr and doesn't know who he is with amnesia and being her jester or something for a few episodes could be fun
2. He's at down near the wreckage where he supposedly died
He didn't have to have teleported far to have survived, and we don't know if anyone went down there to try and recover his remains, he could just be at the bottom and unconscious
3. He's in some random human's house
He teleported to earth with amnesia, some nice human took him in, probably a character who's just being introduced at the start of s3, and is nursing him to health as he tries to remember who the heck he is. I always liked how Mephisto had more knowledge about earth and humans in general than Prax so I'm not sure how I'd feel about this one to be honest
4. He's passed out in the woods
He teleported to earth, landed in a random forest near the cave the twins usually hang at, maybe unconscious, maybe just injured, maybe with amnesia, either they find him completely KO'd or he's living in the forest when they find him
5. He's in the cave
We have no reason to think Prax checked the cave the twins typically stay at, maybe he went there and passed out or something
6. He has amnesia
He's literally wherever and has amnesia, it's a classic. this would likely be thematically compared to when *Praxina* got amnesia and turned good for a while, temporarily forgetting who Meph is. Yes, I am aware of the overlap this has with other items on the list
7. He's low on magic
Maybe he used his last bit of magic to teleport away and with his current injured state he can't really do anymore, so he's stranded where ever her landed until he can get better, which is why he wasn't able to tell Prax he's okay
8. He's in a magic coma
I actually really like this idea. He teleported somewhere but he was injured and low on magic so he had to use an emergency spell to put himself into a magical sleep as he heals to, yknow, not die. He can be in any of the prior listed places for this, cave, woods, floor, I imagine the princesses would eventually find him and wake him up
These are the ideas I have right now
I imagine the conflict resolution would be a fight that is ended by Mephisto stopping Praxina and a reunion, as I can't really see Prax still wanting to fight LoliRock when she sees her brother safe and sound.
I can go more in depth on how I envision this going later but I have to get ready to go home now lol
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ricky-mortis · 2 months ago
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They're the best of each other!
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welcometogrouchland · 6 months ago
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I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
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eddis-not-eeddis · 7 months ago
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.
#i don't really want to make a whole post about it because it was a very personal and very miserable time for me#but genuinely#the thing that got me wanting to move on again and LIVE after my life plans all fell apart last year#was sitting down and very seriously thinking about the kind of woman i want to be when i'm 70#i hit that thing that a lot of people in their mid-twenties are hitting right now#where it feels like we've already wasted everything and not only are we failures now but we will always BE failures until we die#but right now i'm still in my twenties#and when i thought about what a good lifespan looked like to me#70-ish seems about right#and what do i want to have when i'm 70#what skills will be useful and beyond that#what skills will be fun#i had gotten into a mindset of “too late too late”#learning to draw#or sing#or dance#or fix a car#or ride a motorcycle#they all felt like learning NOW would be pointless because *melodramatically* aLL my YoUtH HaS bEEn WaStEddd#but unless God has another plan i'm not going to die in my twenties#i'll likely live many more decades#my life probably isn't even half-way over yet#what do i want to be when i'm 70?#it doesn't matter that i don't know everything yet#i have more than four decades to work on it#that's more than the entirety of the life i've already lived#and yeah#i spent five years at a dead end job that finally drove me almost to a breakdown#but even that wasn't a waste#i saved enough to go to school and i learned a lot while i worked there
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months ago
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one day ill stop treating aoki like he was a guy i personally knew that died but todays not that day
#snap chats#if aoki WAS an actual guy i wouldve clicked my heels at his death but no he's a funny fictional guy so im allowed to be dramatic#feels like the first week after i saw aoki die in y7 like Man.. except now there's rage .... ok even more rage who am i kidding--#IW just reopened the wounds i think JVLAKVJEALKV#reopened the wounds and put vinegar and salt in them but anyway. before i start that rant again.#when is ebay gonna start selling the funeral merch no one knows how bad i need the aoki one at this point#i was watching a y7 randomizer and </3 i started cackling cause aoki behaves the same#I.E. he has to be the last enemy standing before the fight ends AND he still summons enemies#so im just watching this poor guy realize this and then become horrified as aoki summons Another Aoki#and THAT ONE starts summoning more units and 💀 STOP HIM#then yk the stream ended but it was still playing the last bits of aoki's theme and. :miku:#god his boss theme is still so good i could cry thinking of it ..... his and tendos are such phenomenal tracks to end the game with#aoki you still suck but i didnt cherish you enough somehow im not sorry and you deserve to be dead but i also miss you#i should replay y7 .... sorry im mental...#liking aoki while knowing he sucks is so fun because i flip flop with saying i love him but also stressing he sucks#i need everyone to know he's not likable and shouldn't be liked but i had a tohru adachi phase in high school so im already a lost cause#ok bye im gonna drink a pot of tea and question where i went wrong as an individual
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moe-broey · 4 months ago
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No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍
#okay fine full context. i was hit w a vision last night due to a pet peeve like No Hate but Damn#people will really just put any guy in this specific format. and obvs epic trans headcanons forever i have nothing but respect 🫡#but like. it just irked me and made me ask myself Well. who WOULD fit this format in my beautiful mind palace#who. in my mind. has LAYERS of lore surrounding my trans hc for him. who would fucking say that. some sort of mentor perhaps#and who would ASK him that. what would PROMPT that. under WHAT PLAUSIBLE CONDITIONS#esp i think bc the topic makes me so fucking dysphoric too i go insane and die 1000 deaths about it routinely#to the point where i straight up almost never talk about it. i refuse to even acknowledge it.#which is. i think why this got to me so much LMFAOOOOOO I'M. ANGRY. HOW DARE YOU HAVE FUN WHILE I'M DYING. BADLY.#in a way that i just could never allow myself to have fun w bc I Am Above It. you CANNOT get me. i'm WINNING.#takumi has too much pride so not him. moe has too much pride so not it either.#no.... this is. a job. for Bruno.......#and sharena my best friend sharena my sillie goofy about to jump to the most INSANE conclusion bestie sharena 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#but then. realization. i have to revisit my 'back in the day' designs for the askr sibs and ESP bruno.#and honestly i just needed to completely revamp him. okay. no probalm! 👍 i am revisiting my back in the day alfonse hcs#really Thinking about them. i doodle One Thing about how if alfonse wants to build any muscle#he needs proper nutrition. he is SCRAWNY. he is TWIGGY. he only has weight in his thighs abd really not as much as he shoulf#i get distractef. i am making a comic. anna is there. she is also a mentor. the comic is about learning life skills/food#I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS. I CAN'T FORGET. I NEED TO GO. GOODBYE#worte it down but alsp i got plans i gotta go for REAL. GOODGBEY
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her#but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav#a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now#while im still a bit elevated#which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends#we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science#we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r#leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here#support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here#and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact#my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun#and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful#but im just really happy i got accepted here#and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering#the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy#means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved#this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b#honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh#its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop#and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better#its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and#this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt#ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like#defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr#unrelated#meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH#R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away
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dennisboobs · 1 year ago
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this is genuinely... so funny to me. like the hilarity of copypasting rational tweets. i'm literally right. it's not even a funny copypasta because it's literally just. objectively correct. it's a criticism of twitter culture and that makes it funny to you because...... god forbid you actually have empathy for other people. caring is for losers if you're on twitter dot com, you have to be snarky and funny at all times.
#moots & friends keep sending me shit and im just like. lmfao this is embarrassing for YOU guys. i stand by everything ive said actually.#i'm sorry you think trying to have a genuine conversation about harmful behaviours is cringe#you consider yourself an activist and will retweet every fucking post abt current events#but you can't actually be bothered to make a positive change in your own life.........#the fact that most of them stop responding after they realize im not going to freak out and give them something emotional is very telling#it's not even like most of them disagree they literally just want to make fun of me for...... caring. like ok. weird hill to die on idk#im at the point where im considering privating my tweets just so i dont continue to get ppl responding but#i think its important that ppl can see my responses. because i stand by them and clearly other ppl do too#theres been a lot of mixed responses but a lot of people have actually ended up agreeing with me after some back and forth#which i appreciate. i didnt want to start fuckin. twitter drama. but like. ill take it#i dont interact with sunnyblr at all so i think this is a good opportunity to potentially change at least a few ppls perspectives#and if youre too far gone to the point where you think that someone caring about perpetuating homophobic rhetoric is funny#i. dont really want to interact with you anyway lol. get better soon xoxo#last post about this on here im. putting this to rest.#ada speaks#genuinely disgusting how many of these ppl will say shit like. ppl are dying. like... yeah. what are YOU doing to help.#retweeting a donation link or someones random carrd doesnt do shit actually. performative armchair activism.#same ppl tweeting vapid shit while acting like theyre above engaging with me on this#i was venting about people qrting glenns old tweets with stupid shit because it was clogging my tl actually lol
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smoothoperador · 1 year ago
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
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Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*
#and don’t say take your medication#fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you#we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere#between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no#where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T#THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS#I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing#AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN#I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn#i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy#with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices#but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it#no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop#I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England#Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by#the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now#every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I#feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning#and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and#Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it#I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it
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cabeswaterdrowned · 6 months ago
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not saying I will actually write this but inspired by before I fall if I did write a Gansey’s death loop fic who should be stuck in the time loop; Gansey himself, Blue, or both Blue and Adam?
(I dismissed Adam only as an option because I’ve read a fic about the same concept thought it was done beautifully don’t think I have a better take on it.)
#if I went with Gansey I could even make it a more direct before I fall au. But also his motivations in the loop would start out very#differently it would be less ‘how can I not die’ and more ‘how can I live my last day (really I would make it the last couple of days like#just starting at the first scene at Aglionby in TRK) in a way that results in the most closure and the least pain for those I left behind#LMFAO. yeah. and then of course that doesn’t exist.. and Gansey would have his I want to live both for my friends and for me revelation and#eventually start trying to stay alive. But not for a While.#omg I bet because his first death was from Blue’s kiss and the sacrifice was for Ronan and he doesn’t want either of them to feel personal#responsibility he just tries to off himself in different ways where no one can feel guilty. hilarious if he focuses so hard on Blue and#Ronan that he accidentally dies in a way that realizes Adam’s vision. oops…#for either of the others I think I would write Blue pov and it starts at the first 300 fox way scene in TRK. either way she and Adam are th#only people who know he’ll die still (in different loops maybe Henry and/or Ronan are looped in) so in the one where Adam is not in a loop#Blue would be approaching him differently for help without telling about the loop vs help and telling vs not talking to him at all#Obviously this does mean she’s kissing/killing him multiple times and that’s Rough it would be a fun time to explore her Maura and Artemis#and Persephone related abandonment issues being triggered. Also this would allow for more exploration of her mirror powers how exactly the#kiss works how they relate to the time thing because time is being reflected. if Adam’s there having then hone their powers together in the#loop and grow closer would be real fun… no one cares but if you do thoughts?#s speaks#trc#musings
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bluefuecoco · 8 months ago
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i loked content warning so much that i bought copies of lethal company for me and my friends, and that shit was a blast oh ny god.
I think my favorite moment is when you're separated and you die, and you find out someone else has alread died and yall are just sitting there like "How did you die?!" and laughing over it
or when you die and you go to spectate and your friends who already got back to the ship are talking shit about you
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halfricanloveyou · 1 year ago
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the only laid i wanna get is laid to rest. permanently or just for a few hours, either sounds great
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ckret2 · 5 months ago
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So a while ago some friends were talking about fans who claim the Same Coin theory is canon. And I made the mistake of saying:
Do you know who also has tons in common with Bill? Mabel. Yet nobody claims Bill reincarnated as Mabel. …wait now I want a "same coin but it's Mabel" AU. Funniest Bill reincarnation option. The all-seeing arsonist is making macaroni glitter art. The omnipotent tyrant is crying because a unicorn called her a bad person.
And then I overthought it for two months.
So—AU where after death, Bill's soul shoots 13 years into the past and reincarnates as Mabel. I'll call it ✨ Sparkly Coin AU ✨
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Don't leave yet. Lemme show you why it works. Behold the eerie amount of parallels in their personalities, dialogue, behavior, mannerisms, tastes...
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I could have kept going but my attention span ran out. All right, we all on board now? Convinced we could segue from one personality into the other? Great. Now here's why you should be interested: the juicy post-Weirdmageddon angst potential.
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As long as a small fringe of the fandom still thinks Weirdmageddon is Mabel's fault, why not amp that up x100 and have some fun with it?
Is everyone sold now? Great. Let's get into the details. I've got 8 more pieces of art under the read more.
So the AU starts the instant Bill dies. Thanks to invoking his deal with the Axolotl—one way to absolve his crime, a different form, a different time—the Axolotl gives him a new shape and shoots him thirteen years into the past. Apparently, the Axolotl thought it would be very funny to stick Bill in the family that defeated him.
Which probably made for a jarring transition.
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(It's fine, she's like 10 minutes old, she probably can't even tell who she's looking at. Not being able to tell who she was looking at is what got her into this situation ayyyy)
When Dipper & Mabel come back from Gravity Falls complaining about this triangular jerk Bill, their parents mention that Dipper's name was nearly Bill. See, after they knew they were going to have a boy, one night their mom dreamed about a visitor—some kind of magic pink salamander??—calling her child "BILL." Then at the next sonogram they found out they were having twins, the girl must've been hidden at a weird angle the first time, and they wanted matching names, so they thought, Bill and Bell. But they didn't really like Bell; but eventually they stumbled on Mabel, so to keep the names matching they switched from Bill to Mason. Isn't that the darnedest thing?
(Of course, Mabel and Dipper assume Bill harassed their parents to try to trick them into naming a kid after him. To be a jerk.)
When Bill meets Mabel, he's unaware that she's his future self—Bill's notably bad at doing things like, say, double-checking to see whether he's going to die anytime soon—but like... he can tell something's up.
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Naturally, before visiting Gravity Falls, there were echoes of who Mabel used to be—but nothing anyone would be able to identify without context. All her Bill-ish quirks either smoothed out with time (see: how between second grade and fourth grade Mabel went from being the "freak" to the popular girl in class), or else they were accepted by her family as Mabel-ish quirks.
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After they meet (and kill) Bill, they have the context to understand some of Mabel's behaviors... and unfortunately, some of Mabel's latent Bill-ness starts surfacing after she's been directly exposed to her prior incarnation.
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The part of the Pines family familiar with Bill thinks the worst case scenario is that maybe Bill's survived and is slowly possessing Mabel; but far more likely, they think this is just some weird way of trying to subconsciously process last summer. Mabel doesn't think she's being weird, you guys are being weird, stop giving her weird looks. They get attacked by one triangle and now she can't wear yellow or pick up macrame as a hobby??
(It's not all red flags and uncomfortable triangle imagery, though. When Stan asks her what she'd like as a gift for some important event, she shyly admits that she thinks she's starting to outgrow her plastic gem jewelry and maybe she's old enough to get her first piece of real gold jewelry, if that's not too expensive? And Stan's never been so proud of her. Thirteen years old and already thinking about buying gold!)
But of course, the real fun starts when Mabel finds out.
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That's the face of a girl who's just discovered that she tortured her great uncle. Now imagine running into the brother she possessed.
But I've already spent a million words and thirteen images on this post. If enough folks are interested in the AU maybe I'll expand on it later. Let me know what y'all think.
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