#it was definitely a trust the process one with him bc i thought i was ruining him by coloring him in

[spacenintendogs]

star wolf doodle page

close-ups:

[lususnatura]

🎤 🎤 🎤

a song that i associate with my muse meme!

AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3

hozier - who we are.

icehouse - crazy.

depeche mode - personal jesus.

[toytulini]

Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show

have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!

and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.

idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.

[obscureashe]

First Loves » KNY headcannons

❧ starring: [ gn!reader ] + tanjiro, inosuke, zenitsu, genya (the bois) ❧ synopsis: just generally figuring out that what they're feeling is a first crush/relationship! ❧ a/n: valentines day man, it's got all the ideas going. and to include how these guys might react is just so cute! (side side note: writing for zenitsu made my heart completely explode)

Tanjiro Kamado »

the way he falls in love is very subtle, and at first he doesn't even realize his feelings

its just a fluttery warm feeling in his chest when your hands accidentally touch, or his soft thoughts when he sees you just being yourself

when it hits him, it hits him hardd

like makes him physically sick to think about it (sick with nerves suddenly)

won't look you in the eye, will jump about a foot back if you're too close, the works

but, i think he'd adjust well after that, because

i mean he's lucky to have fallen in love with you, of all people

why be afraid to show it?

he's very respectful, and sometimes eye contact becomes a little intimidating for him (he laughs it off)

his face is almost always red (and you can tell when he's super happy because the tips of his ears start burning)

tries to be as romantic as possible sometimes, sort of remembering the way his parents showed their love

his love language is definitely words of affirmation

Inosuke Hashibara »

does not know what a crush is, and at first can hardly comprehend the idea of a relationship until zenitsu and tanjiro explain it to him

has the urge to fight you all the time (he doesn't know why, but it's because he wants your attention)

would probably go to shinobu bc "he's sick"

literally him explaining that he's itchy all the time, shaky like he's going to collapse, and sweaty. "probably a fever" in his words.

"you're in love" doesn't explain much to him either when she points out the source of his "sickness" is you.

he still doesn't understand what he feels completely, but does see it through new eyes

like accepting the fact he wants to be around you more than anything

and make you happy (seeing you laugh because of him, just makes his heart flutter)

in a relationship, you'd be taking most of the first steps

like holding his hand or even hugging him

it's a slow process of him adjusting to the relationship

but it's 100% worth every bit

likes praise, and kinda tries hard to get your compliments (gets kind of mopey if its been a while)

kind of his weakness

probably gives you little wild flowers (and occasionally acorns)

Zenitsu Agatsuma »

its not his first crush, so he knows 100% that he's head over heels in love

he falls in love hard, and often. both a good thing and a bad thing

but this one feels different?

you're not like the others he's crushed on because he knows he can trust you with his affections

and that gets him nervous as hell

i think he'd have butterflies and a smile 24/7 (he'd just be so happy to be in the relationship of his dreams with someone so special)

old fashioned, and likes giving you tons of gifts and flowers (he probably thinks its his job to give you the world, and he'd try)

but to be honest, he'd probably need a ton of your attention and guidance

his past relationships taught him nothing but how selfish others could be (doesn't stop him from loving endlessly though so that's good :)

still hasn't had a first kiss, and loves holding your hand

would probably weep from joy if you said yes to his confession

really protective of you

Genya Shinazugawa »

probably swearing in his head and completely aware of his turning feelings towards you

to be honest, he's probably loved you since he first laid eyes on you

he just respected you too much to realize it

and now that he does. . . he's actually prone to avoiding you as much as possible(?)

he's the kind to daydream random scenarios (admiring from a distance)

of course this gets his ears and neck burning like crazy

is in denial for a long time about his feelings, until he comes to terms with it

he needs a little bit of direction and confirmation that you're actually interested in him (it might be the only way to get him to confess anything)

and being in a relationship is a difficult adjustment too

the reality of it all doesn't sink in for a while

like holding your hand or even kissing isn't just a thought anymore is. . . bizarre. to say the least

gets embarrassed easily and it makes him frustrated that its out of his control

just has to walk away sometimes to cool down

is a sucker for the little things and likes feeling like he can protect you

[astr-venus]

｡⁠☆ Who Is This Diva✦

｡⁠☆Content: Izuku Midoriya BF headcanons

｡⁠☆Cw: a few uses of she/her, one singular pregnancy mention, no use of y/n, light cursing

✦ Always writing in that damn notebook, there is nothing you can say or do that won't end up there

✦ If you're creeped out by it, he will commit what you said to memory and write it down later

✦ The best gift giver. He notices everything about you. From your face to your body to your brain. All of his gifts are thoughtful

✦ Didn't know how to do his own hair until Mina showed him, however if you know how to do it he'll play dumb

"My hair... ? Y-Yeah, Mina normally helps me with it, b-but I seen you take care of your own so... Do you mind helping me instead ? Not that Mina isn't great, b-but she isn't you... Sorry, is that a weird thing to say ?"

✦ Sometimes YOU are the third wheel when Katsuki's around. Good luck with that.

✦ Nervous forever. Constantly apologizing. Trips over everything when you're around. His face is always bright red. Nervous talker for sure. Heaven forbid you compliment him, he might pass out on the spot

✦ He stays on Uraraka's phone. He needs advice before he does anything, especially if you're a girl. He used to take advice from Kaminari, and then he learned his lesson (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

"I-It's not sexist to assume she likes flowers just cause she's a girl right ?.... What ?! Of course I know that not all girls like flowers !! .... N-No way I can't just ask her. What if she thinks I'm weird" (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

✦ Doodles you everywhere. Aizawa is fed up with the scribbled pictures of you in all the corners of his homework. He's debating whether or not he should take point off his papers just to get him to stop. Mic and All Might think it's cute

✦ All this to say he is the sweetest ever. He makes sure to know every single thing about you, it borders on obsession. He follows you around like a lost puppy. His receiving love language is physical touch/quality time, and his giving love language is gift giving and acts of service

✦ Izuku is selfless to a fault, but when it comes to you he can't help but be selfish. No matter how much he gives to you, he feels justified because your love, affection, time, and attention, is the ultimate prize.

☆ PROHERO ☆

✦ Interviewers are tired of hearing about you. Any questions lead right back to what you're doing, something you've said, what you think, what you look like. It doesn't matter as long as it's about you

✦ Puts your needs first which can be really nice, but definitely neglects himself in the process. Like this man has chronic pain in his hands, but will stay up until ungodly hours giving himself carpal tunnel making something that you didn't even ask for just bc he knew you'd like it

✦ If you're not a prohero (hell, even if you are), Izuku is overprotective. His worst fear is you being taken from him in any sense of the word. Losing you isn't something he would ever get over

✦ Rarely ever yells, but when he does he sounds just like Katsuki. It's annoying how much like Katsuki he sounds. Otherwise though, he prefers to concede to whatever you want, the only time serious arguments occur is if it's about something like your safety

"Shouto, I'm gonna throw myself off a cliff... No she's not hurt she's perfectly fine don't even joke about that !!! .... The problem ? Shou she's so mad at me.... Don't look at me like that, I'm serious !"

✦ A sass monster. Rarely ever to your face, most of the time it's just a mutter under his breath that you barely catch but you just know he said something smart.

✦ If your first language isn't Japanese then trust and believe he's learning whatever your native tongue is. He has the cutest accent too. If he's feeling bold he'll use your lessons as an excuse to flirt with you, and after that there's a high chance you won't get anything done

✦ NOT a morning person. Clings to you and the bed like his life depends on it. Moaning and groaning in your ears about how mean you are to him, how could you make him get up for early morning patrol ? Death for 10 thousand years have been cursed upon him.

"Hmm ? I don' care 'bour the alarm. Turn it off... Where you goin' ? Noooo don' go shh i's okay, mhmm it snoozes itself. Jus' lay back down, yeah 'xactly baby.... Hmm ? Late ? Patrol ? OHMYGOD PATROL !!"

✦ Pet name extraordinaire. It takes a while until he finds his favorite, so he spends his time cycling through all types of sweet names. Anything from baby to darling to pookiebear to beautiful. He probably doesn't stray too far into weird names, but he dips his toes in if it feels right.

✦ Won't admit it, but he loves it when you flaunt him to your friends. Makes him feel like a big strong man, especially when you feel up his arms. His face flushes bright red and he tries to wave it off but he stutters so much that his sentence is barely distinguishable, but of course that only makes you want to do it more

✦ When you get married it's honestly been inevitable, especially if you met while in highschool. If it was only up to Izuku you would've been married within the month, but lucky for you he has self restraint. If you both want kids they truly won't be far behind marriage, and if you thought he was obsessive before just imagine if you get pregnant.

First post,, how exciting !! Not sure if I'm sticking with this format, but I think I like it. My blog is almost completely set up and I have a few reblogs so... My askbox is open if you so please (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Who f/w black Izuku like I do ?? 🗣️🗣️

｡⁠☆Requests open

[badchoicesworld]

Heyyyy I really love ur writing! And also kind of ur vibe as a person 😳 but anyway!

Since you said we can be specific, I wanted to ask about Hobie getting a just a little bit flustered when receiving genuine heartfelt compliments and affection through words bc it catches him off guard. He'd also find the reader a bit naive at first only to find out that they're actually incredibly cunning and calculated. They just come across as naive bc they're so ridiculously sweet once they trust someone :3 (and it always looks like they trust quickly bc they have insane psychoanalytic abilities but now I'm rambling;;; (⁠´⁠⊙⁠ω⁠⊙⁠`⁠)! )

Hope this isn't too much ^^"

hobie realises you’re not as naive as he thought

hobie brown x gn!reader

omggg 😳 tyy anonnnn you got me blushing n shit 🤭 but no fr, ty that’s so sweet lmao <33 and no, this was perfect, ily

warnings: none

pairing: hobie brown x gn!reader

requests: masterlist plz

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

on first inspection, to hobie, you appear to be this person that trusts way too easily and immediately treats people way too kind for a person you just met- you seem clueless and completely naive when it comes to putting your trust in others since you’re so quick to do it

hobie doesn’t think it’s a bad trait at all to be inherently kind, but when you’re kind to literally everyone you immediately deem trustworthy, it’s like you’re looking to get hurt

he might occasionally have one of his rants to you about the ins and outs of the “real world”, propaganda that surrounds you, distracting you from the truth, the sharks at the top of it all, the people that would take advantage of you

there’s no ill intent, he just really thinks you’re gonna get hurt like that

and who wants that ?

so yeah, anyway, when he first meets you, he can basically see the switch once you’ve realised he’s trust worthy

you’re the sweetest person ever without prompt, and it admittedly looks like nativity to him at first

but because you now trust him, it means you’ll be a sweetheart to him

at first, it’s small compliments that he can appreciate- maybe something about his style or rebellious attitude that he’s heard all before

but you suddenly amp it up for no reason one day and it just completely turns the tides

if you’re aware of his secret identity, you change his perception of you completely when you basically soul read him

you manage to craft the most heartfelt, genuine, sincere acknowledgement of the sacrifices he’s made, along with genuine thanks and somehow stating the closest interpretation of his emotions that he’s ever heard before. from someone that isn’t him, anyway

hell, you’ve maybe even just helped him realise a few things about himself

he’s fucking gobsmacked

he stares at you as if you’ve just said the most outrageous but enlightening thing ever to be uttered

slack jawed, eyes wide, completely silenced for a solid while

he’s eventually able to process wtf you just said to him, and now he’s just trying to play it off with a really goofy grin that doesn’t hide he’s flustered

hobie’s doing all sorts with his hands to try distract the both of you- gestures while he tried to defend the little of his pride he has left, holding the back of his neck, maybe nudging you or shaking your whole frame

he gets the faintest idea that you might be just a little less naive than he though, but not entirely

that might have just been a lucky guess, after all

you’re definitely smarter in his eyes, though

depending on your status, if you’re a spider-person, from a different dimension, from his dimension- it doesn’t matter, he’s intrigued by you now

might brag a bit or be like “can you believe this?” when he sees you soul reading someone else

now there’s been multiple times throughout your guys’ friendship where you manage to slap him with some ungodly wisdom relating to him out of absolutely nowhere, and it never fails to catch him off guard

of course, hobie’s effortlessly cool, so being caught off guard is gonna keep making him feel a little vulnerable and flustered

especially when you just casually do one of the most in depth psychoanalysis of him ever for like the third time this week

he’s starting to think that you know something the rest of the multiverse doesn’t, how do you do that ?

“alright, alright! allow it, man, allow it.”

he’s laughing, but he’s also questioning where you stand in the world, are you secret intelligence ? tf is goin on

if you weaponise this ability to read people like an open book, then he can have fun with it

now it’s funny

especially if you guys are spider-people together and he just casually points out a villain you’ve been assigned to, with a look that says “ruin them”

this can also happen to random people on the street

it’s like how he can completely destroy peoples perception and faith in the establishment n all that, if you so choose, you can really make people feel seen or completely vulnerable or called out

after these encounters with bad people, he realises something about you

you’re somehow able to just know who to trust, and your guts never wrong

he wonders if it’s your spider-sense at first, if you have that

now he’s starting to piece everything together

you can easily distinguish between the good and bad people- the good you immediately trust and treat like an old friend

the bad, you never give the time of day

you’re always so quick to trust, and naive

but it’s starting to become clear to hobie that this isn’t nativity, you just have an uncanny ability to know people before they even introduce themselves

it’s kind of reassuring in a way, if he’s ever doubtful about someone, he’ll go to you and be like “thoughts?” then you can relay this insanely detailed psychoanalysis of this person you’ve just met

now he sees you as this incredibly insightful person, a lovely individual who has the potential to ruin lives with your insane ability to call people out

bonus:

if you guys are spider-people together, you’re both pretty well known for running your mouths

you instil fear

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

as always, lemme know if this ate or not and i’ll try my best to fix it !

[aurum-stultus]

Quick rant bc I love Silco but I'm not too big a fan of people saying he was a good or bad father. The man was "okay"? He loved her and anyone who disagrees with that clearly didn't watch the show, and he did NOT create Jinx or manipulate her into becoming Jinx, but he certainly didn't do much to stop it from happening.

I can say with confidence that he cared abt her and loved his daughter to death but I can also say that his biggest downfall was enabling her. He never held her accountable for her actions, he blamed her fuck ups on everyone else, and the one time he did get mad at her, she didn't take him seriously and it was VERY easy to difuse him. From what we saw there was no "Okay this is helpful but do NOT go out murdering any more topsiders.", he just immediately dismissed it. I can't help but feel like if Jinx didn't diffuse him he still would've just sighed it off and walked away to go fix it himself like he had to do with the rest of the trouble she caused...... that he also dismissed.

I GET his possible thought process, don't get me wrong, he didn't want her to feel rejected or unloved, being the yes-man and never making her *know* she fucked up was probably his way of never letting her feel like she actually was a jinx. She did nothing but ruin his plans, she wasn't helpful to him in the slightest but he still blamed her actions on Sevika, took care of it himself, or ignored it. He didn't view her as an employee, he viewed her as his very rejection-sensitive daughter and he didn't want to risk hurting her.. but in doing so she kinda became ignorant to the value of human life and it definitely didn't help her control her mood swings, since she was never taught that her lack of self-control is why things go so poorly for her.

YES he loved her, and he fucked her up even more on accident bc he didn't want to hurt her, but that is still not good parenting. You can love someone and still be a shitty parent. He even used his last dying words to make sure that his death wouldn't haunt her. He even tried to make his *death* less of a consequence than it was.

With that being said, he still made her feel loved and wanted, he still took care of her, beyond the bare minimum of feeding her and housing her he took the extra time to make sure she was enriched and that he gave her as good of a support system as he could provide (ex. trying to help her overcome her trauma as Powder before he even knew Vi was still alive) he literally trusted her enough to put a needle in his eye and then struggled to do it himself when she wasn't around. He was not the worst dad, he was not the best dad.

[ovaryacted]

Tysm for your kind messageeee! I've been going around to my fav writers bc it's helped me feel better about myself and my brain multiple ways. Trying to get better at writing by at least posting smth daily abt Leon cause practice makes perfect. (Usually not but let's hope otherwise 😭)

ASIDES FROM THAT... Hear me about lingerie with Leon bro like ACTUALLYYYYY

Just imagine him secretly buying lingerie and one day he randomly puts it on. Either laying in your bed or waiting for you awkwardly at the door. Possibly giving you a lap dance then proceeding to fall back or do a ruh-roh. I'm so sorry I need him to fall in lingerie. I NEED STUPID LEON STUFF SO MUCH BRO. Then if he was in the bed, he's trying to be all seductive and stuff. All while staring at you with those blue eyes. In all honesty, you just have to stand there and wonder what the hell? I need a professional opinion on Leon with lingerie. 💙✨

(+ Cat Hug 😌)

Hey boo, thank you for the cat hug MUAH 💋 ! I’m glad my words were kind for you, sending nice messages definitely helps spread some positivity. And nono practice does make perfect!! Keep posting, don’t stop, trust me the more you do it the better it’ll feel. (Don’t listen to me because I’m inconsistent as hell when it comes to writing LMFAOOOO). But blurbs and drabbles help all the time, and even if you aren’t physically writing, planning or thinking still counts as part of the process because it’s not always linear! Just have fun with it, all that matters truly!

Now Leon in lingerie…I’m listening. Listening real fucking closely. Walk with me for a second.

Personally, I think he’d look good in a thong + garter belt + garter combo, not so much a top (boobs too big) unless it’s like a bikini top. Leon to me looks like the type of guy that’s a fan of materials, so lace, latex, leather, silk, etc. The same way he likes seeing you in lingerie and feeling it on your skin, it’s mostly a sensory thing for him when he tries it on for himself.

Imagine his muscular form adorning something so delicate, that in itself is a contradiction and it’s what makes it so enticing. A grown ass man whose body has been trained to fight things twice to triple his size and strength, now wearing something that could tear if he flexed too hard. But especially his fucking thick THIGHS. Him wearing a thin lace thong that wouldn’t be able to hold all of him in cause of his hips and how wide he is. Any wrong move and that thing will snap apart. But the garter belt and garter duo?? That’s probably the sexiest thing he could wear.

Black lace around his waist only further highlights his hourglass figure, and the way it connects to the strap wrapped around his thighs is just chefs kiss. He’d look up at you with a little smirk on his face, feeling bashful and trying to downplay it or seem more confident than he is cause deep down he’s nervous. It’s like unwrapping a Christmas gift, the way all the pieces work together to make him pretty, how you’ve always thought of him to be. Your eyes just rake over him, growing darker under the light of your bedroom and you’re ready to pounce on him.

It’s even better when you don’t take the lingerie off of him when you fuck him. Rubbing him through the thong will get him into a whimpering mess, and he’ll start to beg for more, staining the material and thrusting his hips up towards your hand to get more friction against his cock. You’d also keep the garter belt on and tug on the lace garter when you suck him off. Pulling his thighs up and fucking into him with your strap, you can really admire him in the lingerie, and it’ll only get him closer to falling apart. He’s just perfect, your pretty doll to tear apart and make a mess out of.

I approve of Leon in lingerie. This message has been stamped and added to the Sub Leon case file.

[leighsartworks216]

Just took an edible for the first time fonjfht and i am having a great time updating my friends on every small fhoufht but one of them told me to look at sylus and im like 😄 and i do the little talking thing with him and thats fun but now im just thinking about sylus or zayne taking care of mc during their first time beinf high

Im still goin thru it so if none of this makes sense uhhh idk

But like Sylus just letting you sit in his lap and hold his face and just stare at him cuz you reall wanted to. Lets you do little silly things so long as you don't get hurt or anuthing in the process. Makes sure you drink water and eat something and are dressed comfy. But he is teasinf yiu the whole time and probably having Mephisto record what you're saying

And zayne like he would want to know right away and be there with you for tour first time cuz he wants to make sure youre beinf supervised. Provides plenty of water and will get you snacks and sits with you as you sit on the couch or lay in bed. And he talks with tou but his responses dont take 5 minutes to fully get out and he actually makes more sense, but irs fully bc hes all logical and cool and youre not. And he is definitely keeping an eye on the times you start experiencing things. You start to get tired and he helps you walk to the bathroom so he can help you through your routine. Holds your jaw gently while he brushes your teeth, and you just sit there with ypur eyes closed full trust in him cuz you know he kinda loves beinf able to take care of you like this, esp if youre stubborn about it usually. Makes sure you take your meds so long as they dont conflict with the weed. And he brings over your plushies bc you really wanna hold them all. And he holds you. Hes surprised that youre awake for as long as you are, talking to him about every odd thought in your head and telling him about the things you love about him. In the morning, he shares some interesting things you said and fills you in on things that are a little fuzzy

You can tell who consumes my thoughts more rn

I just loverhem both and i wish they could exist to take care of me rn

Anyway goodnight i canr wait to read all this in the morning

[tonkatsubowl]

sour candy.

dan heng x reader.

⨳ random one shot bc i was bored and i was eating some spicy candy!

"here, give this a try, y/n."

dan heng extended a hand towards you, his palm open. revealing a small wrapped candy, you were unfamiliar with the packaging... and since dan heng of all people handed a piece of candy towards you, you knew it was safe. and possibly something new.

march had definitely tried to prank you before, but with dan heng, you were able to trust him.

"what is it?" you ask him as you take the piece of candy from his hand, "i hope march didn't beg you to set me up with another candy prank."

"why would i?" a deadpanned look as he sighed. "i was in aurum alley the other day, and i had nearly forgotten to buy you and everyone else this candy. it's a rare kind of candy and can only be purchased in the summer."

"ah," you blink, unwrapping the piece of candy, "is it because it's a tradition?"

dan heng shrugged. "i'm unsure. i've had it before, and it is quite sweet...and sour."

"i'm into both." you nod, popping the unwrapped candy into your mouth, awaiting a reaction from the taste.

...it tasted sweet, at first. but for some odd reason, it immediately became sour!? doesn't it normally become sour first and then sweet? your eyes squint as your mouth twists itself, tears actually forming at the corner of your eyes.

dan heng blinks, his head tilting. "too sour for y―?!"

you immediately spat out the piece of candy, giving your mouth a sweet, cherry-flavored after taste. grabbing dan heng by the collar, you lure him in, crashing your lips against his mouth.

his face flushes as he was unable to process his thoughts for a moment. you pin him against the wall, allowing your tongue to slither inside of his mouth, enabling him to taste every part of that candy. you could hear him grunt, his arms reluctantly wrapped around your frame...before you pushed yourself off, licking your lips.

dan heng was a heated mess already, breathing intensely as a string of saliva was left connected between your lips and his.

"w-...wha.. y/n―?"

"i think you tasted better with the candy." you say in a quiet tone, eyeing at him.

you tend to mess around with your boyfriend a lot, knowing he is easily embarrassed.

[dreamii-krybaby]

Ok i haven’t rlly spoken about EP7 bc I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY that my brain can’t put it into words, like bro I gotta process words…wordssss man, and organize them in an understandable human language

But I will say this with not to much elaboration

SPOILERS FOR EP7

Warning: This is so fucking long holy shit this was originally going to be super short but my ADHD went beserk holy shit-

So it seems that Yeva is the only drone who successfully has had the “Patch” aka cure work on her in some way (Patch version 2.1.8 according to the files shown in EP7)

perhaps isn’t a one off cure and constantly needs updates bc the solver somehow is able to by pass the previous patches

or it’s simply the only version that has successfully worked and the rest hasn’t, because all of the other test subjects has gotten no effect or got their cores corrupted

and in Nori’s case, it was on progress

But the patch doesn’t seem to get rid of the solver immediately, either it needs constant updates for it to slowly kill it or it keeps it at bay but doesn’t necessarily gets rid of it, maybe it prevents possession or lower it’s chances drastically

Now this is very interesting, it makes much more sense why the first thing they did when Nori got possessed by the solver and shit started to go south they wanted to get Yeva, she is the only one who has somewhat of a success on the patch project.

Or maybe they wanted to bring her so she could calm her bestie down or put her in place lol.

As to why Mitchell left her outside of the cathedral, I think is because he didn’t trust her and feared her, due to her off-standing cold behavior. Like the way she looks at him, how she didn’t want mitchell to hold her hand and sort of slapped his hand away, and well him just witnessing the horrors of possessed nori. And when he saw the sentinels had broken free, he may have used the opportunity for them to kill her off by locking her outside

The other reason as to why Mitchell left yeva is bc he simply well- lost her. Maybe when he looked back at the sentinels had broken free he lost sight of her and assumed they might have gone after her

And it may reinforce my idea that she purposely went outside with her husband to find the cross usb with the patch, she already had plethora of motives imo but her main one would be to find this patch and give it to her daughter.

And with yeva having the patch which may given her more control over her body may explain how Doll also has more control over her body, since she inherited Yeva’s patched version of the AS

or maybe that didn’t happen bc that contradicts with my idea that she was after the patch for her kid due to weird genetic shit, unless the AS somehow bypassed the patch or some shit idk

Also her death makes much more sense, in a previous post I analyzed the flashback scene in EP3 and came to the conclusion Yeva died first, then her husband. Knowing that she was willing to put herself in danger for Nori moments before the core collapse.

LIKE I DONT HAVE A VIDEO BUT IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY AT THE EPISODE YEVA IMMEDIATELY PUSHES NORI BEHIND HER AND PUTS HERSELF IN THE FRONT TO PROTECT HER AS SOON AS THE CORE IS MOMENTS FROM COLLAPSING

She is definitely seems protective of the people she cares, and she is willing to endanger herself for them. Which may explain why she died so easily to V.

Perhaps she thought that by sacrificing herself her husband and kid had a higher chance at survival.

AND IT WORKED, sure, her husband died right after her leaving her kid with no guardian and Doll did die in the long run but in that moment Doll DID survive.

Which actually, if she indeed sacrificed herself for her family makes it…so much sadder, like it worked….but not quite….and failed in the end, her sacrifice was worthless in the long run. :(

GODDDD I LOVE HER CHARACTER SO MUCH :(

SHE GENUINELY SEEMED SO NICE AND CARING AND PROTECTIVE OF THOSE SHE CARED ABOUT AND IS CLEARLY WILLING TO ENDANGER HERSELF AND SACRIFICE HERSELF FOR THOSE SHE HOLDS DEAR I CANT-

IT MAKES HER DEATH SO MUCH MORE SADDER TO ME GOD-

LIKE I LOVE CHARACTER WHO ARE COLD AND STAND-OFFISH BUT DO A 180° WITH THEIR LOVED ONES AND ARE ACTUALLY VERY SWEET AND KIND AHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok enough of me going bonkers over dead mom who haunts narrative, my other explanation as to why she died to V so easily, contrasting her absolute girlboss of an introduction in EP7

First of all, V is a disassembly drone, a new unknown mysterious species to Yeva. And DD’s have the AS and Yeva may have tried to use her AS against V which didn’t work wich may have caught her off guard. There can also be the factors she might have been not in the right mental and emotional headspace, we don’t know how much time happened between the core collapse and her last moments, a lot of shit could have happened that may have taken a toll on her, affecting her combat abilities.

Also am pretty sure your brain will go bonkers when a literal angel of death tries to kill you, your husband and your child.

Also let’s not forget that she MAYBE thought that she did deserved to give up her life for Doll not only to give a better chance of survival but because like Nori, she blames herself for making Doll start living a horryfing situation. It was HER genetics who passed down the AS to her OWN CHILD, she may have not known better but I cannot imagine the amount of guilt that must have caused her. She KNOWS what the AS is capable of and she just accidentally passed it down to someone young and innocent who is also her own kid.

LIKE HOW AM I STILL SEEING MORE LAYERS OF YEVA JUST BEING ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC

God she deserves so much better. :(

Well tbh a lot of these things am mentioning is me trying to figure out how the hell Yeva saved Nori from the solver while serving cunt only to wind up dying to V with a simple bullet to the head. Am I on copium?

Tbh I understand more on why Doll was so hellbent on revenge, I too would kill to avenge Yeva (YEVA MY GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH MY BABYGIRL YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER-)

Also yeah I could make a whole essay on Doll’s death, I fully expected her death but I feel the way they executed it didn’t do her justice at all.

Even if I find her super frustrating I like to think she is in robo-heaven with Yeva now, hopefully with her dad too.

Anyways I have more to say but I think I’ll leave it for other posts

[ninyard]

Okay I NEED some Allison headcannons

Here’s some ideas if you need any lol:

Like how does she help Neil feel more “normal” after everything that happened? I feel like Matt, Dan, and Renee would probably walk on eggshells around him for a while, even after Nathan dies and the championship game and everything, cause now the adrenalines over and now they have to deal with the aftermath. I feel like Allison would just treat him normally. Not unkindly, but give him a sense of normalcy, yk?

favorite ice cream flavor

How does she react to Seth’s death post-aftg? How do the rest of the Foxes help her process her grief about Seth? Cause from Seth’s death to the last championship game is about 8 months, and death (especially of someone you love) doesn’t just go away like that fast ofc

Favorite brands? (She definitely owns AT LEAST once juicy couture set)

Music taste?

How do you think her relationship is with the other foxes? What are some things that she talks about and does with one person, but might not do with another?

How motherly she is with Neil. Seriously we all know she dragged this boy by the ear to the mall so she can buy him some real clothes.

Some chaotic Allison cause this bitch (affectionate) definitely has done some crazy, weird shit

Girls night with The Girls!! (And Neil, he’s an honorary member)

her friendship with Andrew (srsly i so hc them being friends..they’re both judgy rude bitches (in a good way) so there’s no way they’re not like..secretly watching shitty reality tv together)

Sorry about how long this is! Make sure to go eat and drink some water Nin :)

-💜����✨

YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME bc now i just. want to write about them all so

I feel like Allison wouldn't tiptoe around the things Neil's been through or done. She's been straight up with him before about all of his lies and how she doesn't/didn't trust him, so I think if there's something on people's minds, she's not going to step around it or avoid the elephant in the room. If she's pissed, she'll tell him. If she doesn't understand something, she'll say it. But I think Neil would appreciate that more than knowing people are talking about him but won't just come up and ask him something themselves. It'd feel more normal if she addressed it, rather than just leaving a tension in the air/nobody feeling like they can joke about it or anything with him.

Some sort of sorbet. She used to say something like lemon, but truth be told her favourite is raspberry.

God, grief works weird. I think she cried. A lot. I think she spoke to Bee about him a lot, and I think every time she heard his name or saw his picture it was like she was finding out he was dead all over again. I think it was really, really hard for her. As much as they fought, as much as they broke up and got back together again, he was her rock. He was all she had, he knew her. She doesn't really have family to rely on, she can't call her mom or dad up to be like "My boyfriend died and it's destroying me". I think it was a very lonely time for her no matter how much the team insisted they were there for her. (I would worry about her recovery in the immediate aftermath of his death - I like to think that Abby was really looking after her for those first few weeks to keep her on track and make sure she was being safe and kind to herself)

Youre SO right with the juicy couture. That's just such a given when it comes to this series. Maybe she wore Abercrombie and Fitch too but i don't really know any other brands from 2006 oops

She's a bubblegum pop girly i think. Probably fucked with Avril Lavigne and Rihanna at the time. In my head she's a girls girl so Kylie, Britney, Fergie, P!nk and Beyonce. All the ladies like that.

I've mentioned my thoughts on her and Kevin before and how their relationship as friends develops post-TKM but as for the others. I think Dan, Matt and Nicky are the ones she's closest with, but the first one she'll call for advice is Renee. I feel like Nicky is literally like her gay best friend and they're ALWAYS arm-in-arm. If she needs someone to go shopping with it's always him. They're always bitching and gossiping. Her and Aaron aren't very close, especially considering the choking incident, but I feel like they still appreciate each other on the court and still with hug and congratulate each other when they do well. I don't know about her and Andrew either. That's a tricky one, also considering the choking thing, but I know she's also not afraid of him, either. She sees what he did for her after Seth's death, and so that have a sort of mutual respect, but I don't think they're exactly friends. I feel like her and Neil would be pretty good friends, but aren't exactly going out of their way to hang out with each other.

I LOVE how much she cares about Neil. I think he's cute to her. I think she literally wants to pinch his cheeks and cuddle him even though she knows everything about his past and what he is capable of. He has that Wesninski smile and she's like AWWWW

Like. Listen. I do feel like Allison can be NUTS. I feel like if she didn't restrain herself she's the kind of girl to key someones car for cheating on her or pop someones tyres because they catcalled her. She'd fight anyone on a night out to stick up for her friends, even if she's just about blackout drunk, she's ready to fight. I feel like she's had one of those movie moments on the court where she screams. Like you know what kind of scream I'm talking about. One of those movie girl screams. She can be a total cunt if she wants to be. But most of the time she doesn't

okay i want to write more about the last two but im trying so hard rn to clear my inbox and drafts because i feel like so many ppl think i'm ignoring them so i will leave you with these few thoughts on Allison <3

[skzdarlings]

ooooohhh!!! that ask game is so fun!!! I have so so so many questions about all your fics and thought processes, I'd spend all week asking you everything I wanna know and picking your brain!! your so talented and I feel like I'd learn so much!! but imma contain myself to just one..... (maybe two, but I don't want to overwhelm you!)

↻ FLIP FLOP: send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll describe or write it from another character’s POV!

right from the beginning I've been so so curious about Felix's POV in The Bodyguard series and there's so so so many moments I'd want to see from his perspective, but the one I'm most curious about is when the reader gets taken by Miroh's men and he chases after her and rescues her then drives into a cornfield to fuck her.... that whole sequence had me out of my MIND and I would LOVE to see it from Felix's pov. like, i HAVE to know what he was thinking and feeling throughout all of that!! (if that's something you're up for, obviously 😊)

I'm sorry to hear the writing isn't going well, i know how that feels. but I hope you know that you are superb and an inspiration!! I hope you have a wonderful week!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

-yongbbokkie 🤗💙

ahhhhh love ya thank you so much!! your username popping up always delights me, send me anything bc i am more than happy to answer!! <333

i will probably just describe rather than write the scene bc lbr i can't be trusted not to drop another 100k words, but YES. that scene! oh wow where to start. this is gonna be a long rant lol sorry

felix slowly develops a lot of feelings and emotions over the course of that story, not just romantic ones but also sadness and anger and fear. by that chapter in the story, it is clear he is starting to feel everything a lot more strongly than he did before. that includes a lot of frustration, anger, and resentment towards reader's father and his operation. reader even mentions felix's frustration with her father's men, that he thinks they're badly organized and incompetent and that he's better than them. felix also seems to think similarly of her father. i do not think he is even a little bit happy to be trapped in this bargain lol

said father definitely underestimates felix overall. he thinks he has a well-behaved guard dog on a leash and is seemingly unaware he has barely managed to tether a very dangerous and angry wolf.

in that scene, when she first texts felix her whereabouts, felix's reply is mostly dry and a little annoyed (he isn't happy when he gets behind). he says something like 'thats what your father gets for sending his men to watch you.'

he turns on her location so her father's men can pick her up. he would be the first to see when she suddenly changes direction, moving too quickly away from the scene. he probably tries to contact her but obviously gets no reply.

he immediately knows something is wrong. he knows her. he isn't surprised by her initially slipping away (hence his dry retort) but he knows she runs so someone will find her, that she acts out so she will get attention, so it makes no sense she would turn and run now.

he knows it's not right. he tries reporting it but gets ignored, hand-waved, her father's team eye-rolling and saying they have it under control, that she's just being a pest like always. he knows that's not true. he knows her too well and this is not her. when her location tracking abruptly stops in place, it confirms it for him.

he knows there's zero point in trying to get through the arrogant blockheads so he takes matters into his own hands. he takes a truck - i imagine there are landscapers who upkeep the property and there was one nearby - and he swings in and drives off.

felix was not just another worker under miroh but a very particular kind. i imagine he knows miroh's maps of the city different than someone else. when he tracks her last known direction, it's like the rest of the map glows on the screen. it's practically second-nature to fill in the gaps.

there is a part of him that probably doesn't want it to be true - doesn't want to risk going back that way, doesn't want to know who's waiting on the other end, doesn't want everything with miroh to blow up in his face now when he isn't ready for it.

but more than all that, he can't lose her. and he certainly won't lose her to miroh the way he lost everything else. he goes straight towards the facility he knows exists, quickly and swiftly finding the car that took her.

i think there's a part of the old felix that comes back during that confrontation, that the adrenaline of the entire encounter and the threat it poses completely takes over him.

i think it isn't until she's in his arms that it goes away, that he realizes they're both here and alive and that tonight could have gone very, very, very differently. i think a part of him was expecting it. he has been resigned to his own death for a long while, before he even came to this household, and when she throws herself at him with all that passion and affection it's probably the first time he realizes he really, really doesn't want to die after all.

they're sitting in that car and he tells her father that he has her, that she's safe, that he'll bring her home. i think all his options and possible paths run through his head in the split second before he turns the phone off - considers bringing her right back home and pretending none of this happened, considers driving off with her and never looking back, or -

what he does, which is give into the adrenaline and passion and newfound life right now. he doesn't want something to happen before he's been with her the way he can't stop thinking about. she's a terrifying firework of emotion and bravery and insanity and he doesn't understand her half the time but he wants to, and it's absolutely crazy to him that she would ever look twice in his direction.

(he probably thinks he owes chris a huge apology because, whoops, turns out it's really easy to lose your sense after all.)

he probably tells himself it will only happen that one time because he intends to go back to being solemn and alone etc etc... of course, she's not gonna let that happen, as she drags that half-feral wolf kicking and clawing into a semblance of human happiness - but that comes with time, of which they eventually have a lot ;)

[sunsetsentiments]

okay so i love you i'm sorry by gracie abrams is totally about jason and piper from piper's pov. HERE'S WHY,, it's a long one lol

"I told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home." // "That's just the way life goes, I like to slam doors closed. Trust me, I know it's always about me."

piper is the one who broke up with jason,, and from the burning maze, we know she saw it as an inevitable event. internally, she has been struggling with figuring out who she is outside the perils of demigod life,, and if she's living the life she wants or the one hera/aphrodite wanted for her. basically, she's dealing with the confusion and exhaustion as a result of all the life-changing events of hoo.

while i have comments about the way rick wrote and explained this break-up (again,, topic for another day),, it's clear that piper needed time away from everything to deal with her turmoil, and it's this that drives her to end things with jason. she needed to search for clarity, and she couldn't with him around when his presence in her life only added to her confusion. so she slammed the door closed and thought that it was for the best, and i can imagine jason responding as maturely as he could while still showing signs of heartbreak. all piper could do was let it happen.

"Thankful you don't send someone to kill me."

piper being absolutely relieved and guilty about the way jason responded to her decision 😭

"Two summers from now, we'll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now." // "Wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake. I might not feel real, but it's okay."

these lyrics capture the kind of relationship piper and jason had - because romantic drama aside,, piper considers him to be her best friend ("more than annabeth"), and even when they were on shaky terms,, they were still able to communicate and understand each other well as noted by apollo. so yeah,, they'd definitely continue being friends even after a break-up. and it's nice and weird and comforting all at once. because the old piper wouldn't have expected things to happen this way,, but the present piper is glad that they can still be in each other's lives.

if only they had enough time to work things out though. because here comes the tragic part 😭

"You were the best but you were the worst, as sick as it sounds, I loved you first. I was a dick, it is what it is, a habit to kick, the age-old curse."

no bc in my head,, this whole bridge is piper's thought process as she deals with losing jason post-burning maze.

he was the best - literally, not only one of the most powerful and reliable demigods, but also the most supportive boyfriend she could ask for - but also the worst,, bc sometimes she felt like she didn't know him,, sometimes he was distant and too inside his own head,, sometimes she wasn't sure if they were meant to be together or not,, and that uncertainty and doubt nagged at her, and it's exactly why she breaks up with him later. but was it really the right decision, or did she let her insecurities control her? and if the latter was true,, then she broke both of their hearts for nothing,, which ultimately led to their strained relationship, and they would neve have full closure bc of what caligula did.

in piper's head,, she might start to think that she made a mess that didn't have to happen,, and the crazy part is she let it happen even though she was the one who loved him and had feelings for him first,, whether they started as an illusion or not.

so how could she possibly let all this happen? we know piper has struggled with a low self esteem since before, and she might look back to past actions that were rash in retrospect,, like stealing cars to get her father's attention. so piper might mistakenly spiral into thinking that everything is her fault bc she was lacking as a person,, and that bc she didn't beat her age-old habits, they haunted her like a curse.

"I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad, I stare at the crash, it actually works. Making amends, this shit never ends, I'm wrong again, wrong again."

piper tried to accept the break-up and losing jason as best as she could. she tried to play down the emotional weight of the break-up in the burning maze bc she felt as though she thought it through,, and at the end of toa, she's obviously trying to move on. these methods seem to work for her on the outside,, but that doesn't mean the grief and confusion has gone away.

the pain and the memories might keep coming back,, and piper might have to grapple with the possibility that she was wrong this whole time, again leading her to believe it was all her fault. in short,, she's confused and devasted and has no idea what the truth is anymore (which is why a book fleshing out her and leo's grief would be SO good).

"I wanna speak in code, hope that I don't, won't make it about me." // "I love you, I'm sorry."

the last chorus of the song beautifully reflects piper's confusion and longing, wishing that maybe she did things a little differently, wishing that maybe she and jason had a different ending.

but the thing is, in spite of all that happened and the confusion she's facing now,, the one thing that never changed was that she loved him, and it's both because of this and in spite of this that she did what she had done, and why she's feeling all these mixed emotions now.

"i love you, i'm sorry" is so powerful coming from piper considering the first time she told him 'i love you' in mark of athena,, and also bc of the whole i'm sorry part. she's sorry about breaking his heart. sorry if she ever made him doubt himself, if he was good enough, if it was his fault. sorry about never properly reconciling. sorry about not being enough to save him. sorry about being unable to say goodbye. sorry about never seeing him one last time.

[bitchinbarzal]

“but hear me out,, mase always swore he’d never be like mama mct’s ex boyf bc he was a piece of shit,, then he goes and cheats on her… that’s definitely that catalyst in mason & trevor’s friendship bc trevor trusted mason with his baby sister”

Just this… 👐🏻

It happened before they were together so could I really be considered cheating, Trevor thought so.

It was all fun and laughter in the ducks locker room majority of the time. Guys would make digs at one another it was all quite fun.

Jamie and his wife had recently announced their venture to adopt a babygirl and were picking out names so the team decided to weigh in.

Names were thrown about until Jamie said “My mom said Lola”

“Hey Tav, remember when you fucked that girl from where was it? Texas or something? Wasn’t her name Lola?” Someone shouts and Mason’s body freezes.

“Hard to believe Mason was ever with anyone who wasn’t little Z, she’s got him wrapped around his finger for like three years now”

The teammate frowns “No… tav you screwed that girl like three-“

“Okay enough dude” Mason snaps and Trevor interjects “No, let him finish. He screwed this girl when?”

“Like three years ago? It was what start of the season?”

Trevor looks at Mason who is visibly on edge before he pounces on him “You son of a bitch!”

Everyone has to get in to rip them away from one another. Eventually pulling them apart while their chests heave

“I trusted you! She trusted you! You have a baby!” Trevor screams.

“I know, I know ok?! We weren’t together yet and it was just one stupid night Z!” Mason défends to which Trevor snarls

“The first night, the night you picked her up I told you, I said to you to take care of her! You promised me!”

Trevor didn’t often get so wound up when it didn’t concern his kids but his baby sister was not grounds for disrespect.

“Trev it was nothing!”

Trevor rolls his eyes and grabs his bag “You better tell her”

“Trevor she’s just had a baby, I can’t-“

“Tell her. Or I will” he snaps, leaving the locker room.

When Mason left the facility he drove around a bit just trying to hold off coming home so he wouldn’t have to face you.

When he eventually walked in you were sat with Jude on the couch reading to him

“Hey sweet boy” you greet, standing up to meet him in the doorway “Say Hi Jude, hi daddy”

The sweet moment is followed by a silent pause when mason says “Babe can you sit down? I have to speak with you”

You frown “Baby what’s wrong?”

“Please?” He gestured to the couch and you oblige, shushing Jude in the process.

Mason leans against the coffee table and you say

“Mason just say it, you’re scaring me!”

“I slept with someone” he blurts out and your heart drops.

“You What?”

He sighs “It was a long time ago, it was when you went back to New York to stay with your parents after your ex and you said you needed space so I went out and I just- fuck babe I’m sorry, ok?”

“So you just stuck your dick in another woman because what? I needed space?” You Ask and it’s scary how calm you are.

“It wasn’t like that! I didn’t know if you’d even want me when you got back!”

“But you didn’t care to find out eh? What happens if she’d stuck around? Would you have been with her? Would this never have happened?”

The this in question is gestured by pointing between you both and mason looks at your sleeping baby boy, thinking of the life where he wasn’t here.

“I didn’t want to hurt you”

You scoff “Well you have”

“Babe please it’s not like I did it ever again, we weren’t together!”

“But we had an emotional connection Mason! I wanted you and you couldn’t wait until the next thing that opened her legs came along” you cried “I thought you weren’t like him”

His face drops “Hey, I am nothing like him!”

“Oh yeah? I’m not finding all that much different right now” you taunt and mason knows you’re trying to get under his skin so he lets it slide.

He sighs “What do you want me to do, I’ll do anything to prove how sorry I am” he begs and you nod

“After this, I’m done” you nod to Jude “I don’t want anymore babies with you”

You’d spoken about at least three kids with you being one of four and mason being one of two.

“What-“

“And I don’t want to get married” you reply, handing back the ring he’d recently given you when you’d given birth “I can’t trust you won’t break by heart again”

Mason watches then as you stand up and drop a sleeping baby Jude in his arms and walk out the room. Then Jude begins crying to which mason hushed him and mumbles

“I know exactly how you’re feeling bud”

[strangefellows]

okay because i've been rotating it in my head while i have a cold and a fever and why the fuck not babble about this now!

my thoughts on ayin and angela under the cut because i have a LOT of them!

so i want to preface this with a very important disclaimer

NO MATTER WHAT ELSE I SAY HERE, AS A HUGE FAN OF AYIN (as you might notice he's my #1 projmoon blorbo), what Ayin did to Angela was wrong, and cruel, and unjustifiable, and she is 100% within her rights to hate him and resent him and have complicated feelings towards him and do everything she did in Ruina. No matter what I say about my thoughts on why he did it, I don't intend it to be an excuse or justification because it's not. He owes her an apology at the bare minimum and she does NOT owe him forgiveness or anything of the like if she doesn't feel like it. He was a total asshole and she deserved better.

THAT SAID

at the same time i don't think that ayin did what he did out of 100% outright malice and genuine hatred. i think he did what he did because he was extremely fucking traumatized, definitely probably autistic, and has the communication and emotional skills of a wet sock.

do i think he genuinely cared about angela? yes.

for what it's worth he LITERALLY CREATED A LIFE. LITERALLY. FROM SCRATCH. there's no way he didn't care about her on some level even if just as a creation because do you know how much work would have had to go into that? at some point even if he was doing it for selfish carmen related reasons he still had to care about her for her own sake on some level

(vaguely related but the fact that ayin did do this - plus just all of how lobcorp works as a wing - makes me think his background is in compsci or computer engineering or smth of that nature, with ben similarly in those fields / headcanon wise i run with he was originally compsci but after An Incident in which his own dreams were shattered he shifted to abnormal psych)

do i think he did not react well to the consequences of his actions when she finally woke up and he had to process he gave his creation the face of his dead crush + angela was completely trusting and obedient to him and even acted almost in love with him? also yes

is this justified for him? no. is it his own fucking fault for being selfish and stupid? yes.

do i think some of his cruelty towards her was not just out of lashing out via trauma and horror at what he'd done, but pushing her away the more she acted trusting/obedient bc he knew what he was setting her up to do via the script and felt tremendously guilty that he was doing this to someone who trusted him so implicitly? yes.

was, again, it justified? no.

but again, the bottom line is that while what he did was wrong and cruel, i don't think he hates her truly or that he harbored any malice towards her. i think he cared, and felt horribly guilty for what he did to her and continued to do to her, but again, trauma and 'tism and the emotional capabilities of a soggy cardboard box.

he owes her one hell of an apology at the LEAST for all he's done tbh

but another thing: i think that the reason he left the script blank for her after everything was finished was because he short-sightedly thought he was "freeing her" to make her own choices by leaving it blank not thinking for a goddamn second she would misinterpret it given his terrible behavior towards her up til that point. again, not out of malice but out of selfishness and idiocy and not knowing how to communicate At All

i also do think by the end of things after all those loops as X with her as one of the only anchors, he softened a lot towards her as he processed better how they were both trapped in an endless hell of his past self's making, and there's a lot to be said about how their feelings about each other are stupidly complicated due to all his interactions w her as X without his memories of what he'd done, and as he went thru the loops dying/committing suicide/suffering with her as the only witness. i like to think that though she hates him and has every right to and to not forgive him, it's extremely complicated and there's definitely a level of....something, having seen him suffering, but she's flawed and human and wonderful and stubbornly holding onto her hate and resentment and she's valid.

idk how much sense any of this makes but tldr ayin fucked up and treated his daughter like absolute shit and she's entirely in the right to hate/resent him and never forgive him but i don't think he truly hated her, i think he's just a fucked up idiot who made stupid choices out of trauma etc etc etc

tune in next time when i talk about how despite ayin's shitty life choices being his own shitty choices carmen absofuckinglutely gaslit the goddamn hell out of him and that deserves to be talked about! or when i talk about how ayin's shitty actions towards trapping the sephirah in the brainboxes AS sephirah was probably out of a misguided and selfish attempt to "save" them using the seedling of light process because he had regrets and cared about them and loved them and did all of that shit re: them out of coping badly with trauma mental illness and autism! (tho this is ostensibly explicitly canon imho).

holds up ayin. this is a traumatized autistic depressed mess of a man and he did so many stupid shitty things but he's not evil he's just a flawed human and ALL OF THIS is why dantayin theory (u knew it'd come up) because nobody LEAST OF ALL ANGELA truly got closure with this dumbass and they deserve that as much as he deserves a proper ending