#it was almost more but ppl were home
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quick little wav bc i woke up tickly this morning :3 and had the chance to not stifle..
(cishet guys dni plz ^^)
CW unstiffled+ talk of mess/spray + sniffling + only 2 snzs sorry!!!! but they might be someones type…
#only 2 but this ones more for the mess/spray ppl… i think my snzs are kinds uncute when i dont stifle but i think some ppl like that idk#ive gotten too good at inducing bc i was last night then woke up this morning and sneezed naturally bc i was tickly… rare for me ok!!!!#it was almost more but ppl were home#but now im alone and it feels actually helpful to let them out hehe#bless u aya#enjoy i hope🥺
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Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Him having a sort of fatal attraction vibe goin with Traveler like Came||ya’s whole thing almost hdbfb#//The whole ‘you’re interesting; I really like you; I can’t WAIT to see what makes you tick’#//Except he might actually be more of a danger to them; considering his endgame for those he ‘loves’#v; l’innamorato (fatui!kaeya)#//The love idea of him v attached to Signora; deffo got along with the kiddos of the HotH better fjhdh#//Prolly loved presenting her W|ll Sm|th style; even if the attention it drew to him too did make his skin crawl more often than not#//Love the idea of him stalking Traveler thru their journeyw lil heart eyes; interfering at key moments to hinder or help them progress#//Depends on how he’s feeling at the moment jcbcb#//In this verse would deffo butt heads with Taru in Fontaine specifically—he wants Traveler’s attention too jfbfb#//Prolly met them in Mond as part of Signora’s lil entourage—IMMEDIATELY got intrigued at first glance#//Background wise; I like to think he was a Fatuus meant to infiltrate the knights like many of Eroch’s ppl#//And in the progress of going through the knight thing got acquainted w Luc & began to have doubts abt the Fatui cause#//After visiting his home; hearing abt and meeting his father; then the day of the Heckening happens & they fight#//Bc Kae already planned to come clean & renounce the Fatui & Khaenri’ah; but the mess Crepus’s death made of him#//Tried far too hastily; far too bluntly to tell Luc the truth of his origins; swearing he knew nothing abt the Delusion#//Only to get claymore’d; which absolutely helped cemented him into the Fatui’s ranks more#//A part of him knows it wasn’t the time to say it; that he is at fault for trying to take advantage of Luc’s vulnerable state to tell him#//Only for the lad to have been far too volatile & so it turned out badly; but he still blames Luc for the break of their bond#//Anywho; I like to think as of Inazuma; he does have a certain grudge against traveler bc of Signora#//Before; encounters were more of puppy love bordering on dangerous obsession—after that; the dangerous bit became Personal#//Ohhh I’m writing a yandere here; okay<-should have realized that from the FIRST slew of Fatuiverse hcs lmao#//He genuinely does love Traveler; would like to see them breaking down in despair in his arms#//The two of them together would make a most beautiful ice sculpture indeed#//Even with his grudge; Traveler does stand a chance at swaying him to actually be helpful#//Sumeru quest wise; Co||ei is the magic word—i like to think he came along with there bc he wanted to see abt the Eleazar#//And maybe find clues to her family or even her herself; Traveler or Paimon dropping the name would make him cooperate SO fast#//Klee in Mond is basically his Teucer jffb. She is as good as fam in his eyes—I like to think he keeps up his habit of collecting pyro ppl#//Bc he never got over his broken bond with SOMEONE. Even if this verse has him more bitter abt it#//But ye jdbdbd. Is it rlly a Allie posting if it not short lol blurb and then heckin TAG SPAM lololol
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we were having a little community party for John's bday and it was so fun. here its a clip
#i love them sm#the elders were like omg the kids nowadays are cool they love the band oh we are so old#i love them ppl#I WAS CALLED HOME WHILE TRYING TO STAY FOR SOME MORE MINS#i was almost killed by my asian grandma bruh#anyway#happy bday to the Johnny man#john lennon#the beatles
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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I'm gonna be honest I'm so tempted to just look up a playthrough or cutscene comp of final horizon and unblock the tags bc I really don't want to keep playing it lmao
#ramblings#the difficulty spikes. why#i'm still baffled at how difficult it is even on easy mode like. the main game was nothing like this#and like the platforming challenges and stuff don't feel well designed#like idk that much abt level design but they platforming stuff usually feels more like those super hard levels ppl mod into games like ahit#if feels almost unfair at points#like the towers i feel i can only do in easy mode with all the balloons i can homing attack#otherwise they'd just be straight up impossible#AND THE FUCKING BOSS RUSH? WHERE YOU CAN'T GET ANY RINGS? AND RINGS DON'T REFILL BETWEEN BOSSES?#AND YOU HAVE TO START OVER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING WHEN YOU DIE?#like what were they thinking like actually#OH and i forgot to mention the controls. god the controls are just not good#they really need to fix them before even considering adding more playable characters in future games#idk it somehow feels just as rushed if not more than the base game#and the difficulty is just unfair#it's very disappointing but i'm also invested in the story and wanna know what changes they made to the actual ending#so idk. maybe i'll spoil it for myself. maybe i'll push through the bullshit. probably the former#i was looking forward to this so much too. sigh#sonic frontiers spoilers
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kunikida plushie quite literally the reason yesterday wasn't the worst day of my life LMAO
#I'M FINE BTW NOW JUST feel like im in some alternate dimension oguhghhh#THE Stabbing wasn't like an attack btw just a Normal Medical procedure gone wrong </3#nothing like almost feinting in public twice after watching someone commit medical malpractice on ur family YIPEE /lh#sibling is fine btw but Man Stressful#got light headed after and nearly feinted in a public place and completely lost my visions (it was just colors and dark swirls) and had to-#grab onto my sibling to lead me back to the car lolzz#it wasn't a Walmart either just just was Funnier to me#kite draws#kite's ocs#kitson alkaid#koi ursae#I need to draw these two more they're my everything ........#me: wants ppl to know abt my ocs - also me: never posts ocs :manstandingemoji:#still have a migraine#and fully feeling effects of it all today which sucks suhhhghhghghg#this is like being hungover but without the fun LMAO#kunikida plushie and kunikida + Dazai mochis were waiting for me when I got home though#so thats cool#converting my sister into a second hand Kunikida fan btw#she just calls him 'Ur Guy' though cuz she doesn't remember his names
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#idg the ppl who make fun of ppl who label bullying as a trauma#my mum was bashed every day at school as a kid#then had to go home to deal with religious/cult brainwashing#i was bullied during 'no tolerance' beginnings so they just learned to jab at my appearance and ostracize me#im still deeply affected to the point where i cant form relationships without feeling on some subconscious level#that im actually being manipulated#and then i do end up getting manipulated#(there was other bullying going on but that was 95% of what they found they could get away with)#so basically im rly struggling with still feeling like a joke and like im someone whose only worth is to be fucked with in every conceivable#way as i hold no value in being seen as beautiful or lovable or likable or smart or funny or a complete person#because basically 90% of the people whove been in my life have treated me with active hostility#the other ten percent include people who were paid to not be hostile#one person out of all ive gone on more than one date with#and three friends i have now#only one of whom is willing to emotionally support me when im telling them IM STRUGGLING#anyway bullying solidified that i was a worthless pos to everyone on the planet and i dont know what kind of charmed#life these ppl have lived to not have bullying be the piss flavoured icing on the shit flavoured cake that was their childhood#okay the bullying got so bad for me that i ended up going thru psych abuse further familial abuse#a really shitty 'friendship' i had which futuer entrenched how worthless i was#which made me anthropophobic which was an horrific nightmare#i barely left the house for almost 7 years!!!!#THIS is why pplthink theyre autistic#no actually im just deeply confused as to why you would ever tell me the truth about anything#as i KNOW that im worthless and should die#the shits who laugh at bullying being considered a trauma to some come off as tho yhey were a bully...
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epic win at old lady group today: the group leader was struggling with a tangled up loose skein of yarn, so i scampered over to the other end of the table where was sitting and offered to untangle it and wind it into a centre-pull yarn bal for her since I remembered how to do it from just the other day fjdkdl and she was very confused why i would WANT to do that but she let me :3
so i got to untangle yarn AND wind a yarn ball AND help someone i appreciate, three things i love doing - YIPPEE !!!
#also one of the ladies had never seen the way i do it before and she was so fascinated and impressed fjdkdl#every couple mins she'd be like ''wow! would ya look that!'' SBDJDKL it was so fun#also i finished as much of the hat i could work on while i was there a bit early#so i pulled out my sketchbook for the last half hour and doodled a little#and the remaining women all wanted to see fhfkdl so i got to show them a page of my art#and they were so impressed HDJFDKL#its so strange sharing my art w ppl bc like... i pretty much never do it irl#so im always like super nervous and unsure and ppl pretty much always go ''WOW !! you're an artist!!!''#and then i get MORE nervous and unsure bc idk how to react to compliments other than saying thank you gjfkdl#and its just a very silly mess of a time LOL#ANYWAYS !! good time there today as always fjfkl i almost had a panic attack at the grocery store after but i survived#idk why that happens sometimes fjdkdl my brain just decides its time to freak out#and i have to be like hey man. we're almost done here and then we'll be home soon. and we can have a breakdown once we get home okay?#and my brain kicks a rock and mutters a pouty ''okay'' and i push through the rest of the time fnfmdjdkl#anyhowdy that was A Lot and im very tired but it was good overall and I've got food again so HURRAY !!#and also i have a drawing im excited abt working on >:3#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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one of the most awful parts abt the Situation for me is seeing how many ppl that i like and trust are just out and out spouting antisemitic rhetoric without any question. i understand some of you are young and super attracted to Really Radical Violent Politics but please consider reading abt this rhetoric and actively avoiding it.
and accusing jews of "pulling the antisemitism card" to avoid culpability for your antisemitic rhetoric is not actually a progressive move. you are just being antisemitic.
#seraph speaks#if i see one more online leftist gentile use holocaust inversion i am going to lose my mind#on god some of you think that jews just sprouted from germany's soil like little curly haired flowers#i also do not want to see a single one of you calling all (((israelis))) white (we know what u really mean when u say 'israelis' btw)#esp if you think they can just ~go back~#esp if you cannot name a single non-european group of jews#that photo of ppl leaving israel via the airport... i hope u understand that the massacre happened on one of judaism's major holidays#those were almost certainly not majority israelis. those were tourists visiting for the holidays fleeing to go home.#honestly i do not want to hear the opinions of non-palestinian goyim ever again atp#you do not know how to fucking behave#and it's exhausting#..... and obligatory disclaimer that if u think this is in any way excusing israel's war crimes u are the problem#i do not fucking feel safe on this goddamn site anymore.
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🦋
#LMAO I FUCKING CANT.#so missionaries came to my doorstep-- which is literally just hilarious. even more hilarious? one of them was from hawaii.#they ask about my religion&i tell them bc i dont see any point not to&the yt man speaking to me tells me#he was a surfer back in the day so--&this is a literal quote-- 'i went to hawaii&heard it all as a haole on the beach'#remember this is literally entirely unprompted from a missionary who knocked on my door in response to my answering a question#about my religion. so why did this come up? probably the same reason that he then went to on to ask me what would happen if HE wanted#to join my religion&when i answer 'you would probably have to handle that yourself as religion is entirely personal'#he literally stands there w no answer before going 'well our church accepts EVERYONE no matter what theyve done'#&--again this is a direct quote-- 'we have ppl who have done blood sacrifices to their ancestors who have found the REAL god' LMAO.#he then started talking about how the neighboring apartment complex has a primarily east european community?#like with actual statistics bc appartently he just knows that the next apartment complex over is 80% yt immigrants?#not entirely sure how they had anything at all to do w anything so thats around when i stopped laughing openly at him#&told him my neighbors were coming up the stairs&i found taking up the entire staircase to be incredibly rude#so they needed to get the fuck out lmao&the missionary from hawaii-- who had said almost nothing the whole time lmao--#wouldnt look me in the eye while telling me thank you for my time probably bc he now had to continue doing missionary work#w a man who spent a solid five minutes trying to prove im racist&exclusionay as a default#literally ONLY bc im hawaiian v traditional about it&proud as FUCK about all those facts#whiiiiich only made him look&sound. fucking TERRIBE lmao.#anyway its good to know that several hundreds of years later&a move away from my colonized home where yt missionaries destroyed my culture#i STILL cant fucking get away from yt missionaries&their ABHORRENT behaviour lmao.#i need to start checking who the fuck is at my door before opening it.#or at the v least start letting roxy just fucking tear ppl like this to shreds like she wants bc their vibes are so rank#my dog can't stand at my side w/o her ridge going so far up she doesnt NEED to growl to get the point across lmao.
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been thinking abt... following... less ppl
#this is not abt my mutuals!!! actually ive tought abt having one day dedicated to interact w you guys more#being on your blogs sending you messages etc. mutual sunday or smth. gonna have to bring the social back for this media. for me#i follow almost 2k blogs btw#and ive noticed whenever im on tumblr im basically just doom scrolling instead of having fun w the posts that the blogs i rly care abt post#i also have just as many drafts as i follow ppl and im always like ah surely one day ill have the energy to tag my drafts or add an id#but i never do lol. should just make short work out of it and delete all my drafts#personal log stardate#not fandom related#also had a kinda horrible kinda nice shopping trip today#was so enthralled in trying on all kinds of jackets that i did not check the price tags anymore and bought one that was. waaaay too fucking#expensive. at the register i died inside. then the ppl i was w roasted me for buying an expensive jacket 😭#they were like how can you not check the price tag of smth you're buying?? and they are right lol i feel so bad now. gonna wear this jacket#every day now so that im at least making the most out of it#since i dont earn money anymore ever since i started university i feel guilty every time i spend money#also some of the ppl i were w were absolute fucking assholes to a grocery's shop employee??? absolutely disrespectful and embarrassing.#they complained abt how complicated one of the self check out registers was and how long it took. as if this was the employee's fault#me and the ppl of my group who simply minded their own business were dying of second hand embarrassment there#we scolded the others afterwards and told them they behaved like assholes#now im back home trying to study 🫠 im tired
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today was. good. yeah. needed that.
#logbook#yesterday i went straight to rents after work and ate food and then napped until like. midnight lol.#migraine was soo bad. so i just stayed over. and then in the morn at like 6a i sat on the porch and listened to the rain and windchimes#and the birds were singing and the air felt cool and smelled nice.#ate breakfast hours later. finished an anime. then i drove to one of my local plant shops and bought carnivorous plants#and also some on sale terracotta. im going to make a bog i think.#and then picked up rent and drove out to a former coworkers nursery. bought a mountain mint we dont sell at work.#saw ducks and chickens and she gave me a pride sticker but as merch for the nursery!!! ahhhh so good.#uhhhh then went grocery shopping and dropped rent off at church. then drove to thee plant shop and got bugs for jael.#and also some isopods!! and then drove back home with crap i dont have space for yet but thats a okay. sooo close.#the connections you make with ppl. . .the owner of the one plant shop#her husband recognizes me now bc he helps out and we made eye contact while checking someone else out and smiled 🥺#and when i was next in line she grinned so big and was like heyyyyy so good to see you!!#oh and i saw a former coworker there too! she came in to shop. that was nice.#and the other coworker is doing soo good. shes been growing natives and her garden shop is filled with so much color. and regulars!#i wish she wasnt so far out id go there more often. i get to see her sometimes at work in the morning when she buys soil but.#she lit up when she saw me. like she does every time 😭#and thee plant shop. where i helped her run a plant swap. and i buy dubias from her every week just about.#and ive been shopping there since she first opened those years ago. she says hi and calls me by my name irl. and we chat more and more.#being human really is about connections and communication. at least for me. we are not meant to wander this earth alone.#did you know. that quote is from op 😭 i think abt that almost every day.#and then i watched some op with the ex. we're finally to little garden. soo close to alabasta.#happy first day of pride. and happy gum gum saturday!
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Summary: Going to the fair with older brother Sukuna and toddler Yuuji was bound to cause some sort of trouble. But it was the tiger plushies' fault, not yours!
cw: fem! reader, curse words, sukuna almost hits someone with a ball, sukuna gives bad advice, sukuna threatens ppl, mentions of kidnapping, metaphors that dont make any sense
wc: 4.1k
a/n: i will post the prequel to all of this next! but I thought this was a silly way to show more dynamics between reader n sukuna! hope u guys like it <3
big brother au masterlist + taglist
It was Yuuji’s idea to go to the annual fair. You thought it was a great idea – it was an opportunity to get Yuuji out of the house, and the idea of seeing the toddler giggling on the children’s rides sent you off to your computer and buying three tickets.
Sukuna was not very fond of the idea, but you could have guessed that. He preferred to go to the fair with just you, but if Yuuji heard, he would probably throw a mini tantrum, and that would just be more work for Sukuna. So alas, it ended up being you three (as it usually was).
Yuuji was beyond excited when the three of you arrived, and Sukuna grips at the boy’s hood, sparing you a glance and rolling his eyes. “We need to get him a leash.”
You grin at him, scoffing but jumping slightly when an older boy shoves past him, making the toddler stumble backward. You grab Sukuna’s hand before he tries to yell at the other child and then pull Yuuji close to you. “There,” you sigh, successfully holding onto both of the brothers, “We all stick together. Don't get separated from us, Yuuji.”
“No running away!” he chirps, and you smile, nodding at him. Immediately Yuuji is distracted by all the flashing lights, and Sukuna has to hold onto the back of his hood to prevent him from accidentally wandering away. Sukuna claims the boy is just dying to get kidnapped, while you blame it on the toddler’s curiosity.
You guys make your way to the children’s side of the park, having to cover Yuuji’s eyes a multitude of times so that he doesn’t see the other rollercoasters. He was still talking about how excited he was to go on the rollercoaster that goes upside down a whopping three times – a rollercoaster boys of the age of four are not allowed to go on. Telling him would probably make him cry, so distractions worked better. Luckily, there were enough lights and stuffed animals around that pointing to something while you scurry past the rollercoasters distract Yuuji for long enough.
The first ride you guys made around to had an influx of people, but they all did, so the three of you stood in line listening to Sukuna’s complaints. Yuuji talked to the little girl who was also waiting in line just in front of him. Sukuna glares at you, listening to the children shriek and feeling the multitude of bodies pressed near him. “We are going home after this one.”
“No, we aren’t. Lighten up!” You try to encourage, rubbing his arm, and trying to ignore his displeased expression. “We are at the fair – look how much fun Yuuji is having.”
He glances at the boy, who, like always, is in the other child's personal space. He was clinging onto the girl’s arm and jumping up and down in excitement while the young girl looked overwhelmed. Sukuna pulls the boy’s hood, causing Yuuji to come tumbling backward. The boy, in return, merely cocks his head to the side, confused as to what he did wrong.
“Keep doing shit like that, and no girls are ever going to like you,” Sukuna reprimands, letting go of the red hood.
Yuuji frowns, still confused, and you step in, immediately crouching down to his level. “Remember what we talked about? Personal space, Yuuji. You got to give your friend some space to breathe, sweetheart.”
The boy nods, looking at the concrete floor – even if your tone is nice, no child likes to be scolded. But Sukuna just pushes him back over to the girl, ignoring the way he trips and falls, but immediately gets back up. The two children go back to their conversation, but this time Yuuji holds onto Sukuna’s leg so that he doesn’t accidentally get too close.
Sukuna turns his attention back toward you. “Do you think they will take him in?” His head tilts to the parents of the girl.
You roll your eyes but smile. “Uh-huh, and if they did, who would you use as an excuse to go on your favorite ride, the Kiddie Coaster”
“The more you speak, the more you tempt me to just leave you both here,” Sukuna says, but there was no real threat to his words. He leans back on the metal bar handles. “Ah, how peaceful life would be without the brat spouting bullshit. Just the empty house and I, what a dream.”
You lean back on the adjacent metal, crossing your legs and sighing whimsically. “Ah, I can see it now,” you start, and Sukuna raises his eyebrow. “You are gone, and me, Yuuji, and Choso are traveling the world together. What a beautiful lifestyle without hearing any complaints.”
“Ah, and then I hunt you three down and lock you up so that you three can never have fun without me. And I live happily ever after, still alone.”
You wonder what the couple behind you are thinking, considering they are probably close enough to hear whatever you guys are saying. But ridiculous conversations like these were common for the two of you. They never had real meaning behind the teasing words, especially since when the three of you began to load up on the small rollercoaster, Sukuna very quickly forced his lips onto yours and gives you a cocky grin before loading up next to Yuuji. And that was all the reassurance you needed – sadly, you dont get the last word, this time at least.
You two didn’t even try to sit next to each other, knowing that either way, Yuuji would demand to be placed in between you two. The boy was grinning like a madman, kicking his feet out and wishing that the ride would start sooner. Just before the ride started, Sukuna had made a teasing remark that the boy wasn’t strapped in properly, and could possibly fall out. You were lucky Yuuji was in such a great mood because the second you shut that ridiculous idea down, he immediately went back to giggling with excitement.
And a minute and a half later, the ride was over, and the toddler had more energy than before. He was practically buzzing with excitement, jumping up and down and reenacting how fast the rollercoaster was going with his hands and mouth sound effects.
You nod the entire time, smiling while the toddler babbles on about how much fun the rollercoaster was. It was adorable to watch, to say the least, and you were excited to take him on the next one.
Sukuna was not excited to stand in line next to children again. He grabs you by the wrist and drags you over to where the fair games are located. Yuuji grabs onto your own shirt and continues to talk to you while the two of you are basically getting pulled into an unknown location.
Eventually, Yuuji found himself in awe at the giant tiger stuffed animal that hung from the top of one of the tents. He was pointing to it and squealing for Sukuna to get it for him, and at first, Sukuna rolled his eyes and immediately said no, but then he also saw you staring at it. He taps your shoulder with his, rough enough to snap you out of your thoughts. “You really want the stuffed animal? That shit is for babies.”
“You are a pretty shitty boyfriend,” you sigh, not really taking what he said to heart, but still Sukuna immediately denies it. You ignore him and pet the child’s pink hair. “It’s for Yuuji.”
“I’ll win you the stuffed animal.”
“Win Yuuji the stuffed animal.”
“Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!”
Sukuna narrows his eyes at the two of you and then turns back over to the man hosting the game. He hands him some cash and mumbles, “If you scam me, I’ll kill you.” but the music paired with the abundance of people talking made it too loud for the worker to hear his threat.
The man hands him three balls, and the goal is to knock down a stack of metal cans. Easy enough, but this was a fair game, so there was bound to be some sort of trick to it. A trick that Sukuna does not know.
You and Yuuji stand a couple of feet behind him, cheering him on. Yuuji was now being held by you, sitting on your hip and pumping his fists in the air at the mere idea of owning the giant plush.
But, as you suspected, Sukuna did not win. He had managed to knock down two cups, and the last ball went flying past the man’s nose when he tried to taunt Sukuna. You could have guessed that would happen.
This time, you are the one to drag Sukuna because if you didn’t, surely that poor worker would have a broken nose by now. It was their job to taunt people, a part of the fun, but your boyfriend’s temper did not stand for that.
Yuuji was surprisingly fine with it – of course, he did look a little sad about losing the opportunity of owning the tiger, but in the next moment he was fawning over how strong his brother was. He was gripping onto Sukuna’s pants, while the man was borderline glaring at everyone that walks by. “So cool, Kuna! You threw so fast!”
You have to hold back a laugh the entirety of it because only Sukuna would be genuinely upset over losing a fair game. But you remain quiet and let Yuuji continue to babble on to his older brother.
Finally, after some time, Sukuna does look at his younger brother. He turns to him and grabs at his little shoulders. “This is a learning opportunity, so listen up, little brat,” he starts, and you furrow your eyebrows. Yuuji immediately perks up, ready to absorb anything his idol says. “Never trust anything. Life is a scam, and people are always trying to fuck you over.”
“Okay, yeah, so no. Yuuji–”
“Everybody is trying to steal your tiger.” Sukuna talks louder than you, and at this point, Yuuji’s eyes are wide as saucers. “Dont trust anyone or anything. Understand?”
Yuuji nods, not understanding anything that his brother is saying but trying to appease him. You pinch the bridge of your nose, also knowing that the boy is too young to understand anything. “That’s horrible advice. You are going to give him trust issues. And what’s with the tiger?”
“It’s a metaphor.”
You stare incredulously at your boyfriend. “Metaphor for what? That’s the worst metaphor I have ever heard.”
Sukuna shrugs. “Metaphor for life. Maybe you aren’t smart enough to keep up with my intellectual comparisons.” He holds a teasing smile, waiting for your own bite back.
“I dont want my tiger stolen!” Yuuji pipes up, and you spare him a glance, shaking your head and reassuring him that his tiger plush, which he does not own, will not be stolen from him. Sukuna continues to taunt him, and the two of you begin to bicker back and forth. Not with harmful intent, simply mindlessly arguing over something stupid such as a tiger plushie and the definition of metaphors.
Yuuji doesn’t say anything, head whipping back and forth to try and keep up with the conversation that he barely understands. But, eventually, after a minute of listening, he grows bored with the lack of attention on him, so he raises his hand and says, “I need to go potty!”
Sukuna groans, knowing that you will now be preoccupied with the boy again and has successfully lost your attention to a toddler. But you ignore the man and pick the boy up again, slightly frowning at him. “You need to go to the bathroom?”
“Uh-huh!”
Sukuna makes a show of how annoyed he is, but he also needs to go, so he doesn't complain too much. The three of you walk over to the moveable trailers that house the restrooms, with Yuuji holding your hand behind you as he points to every tiger stuffed animal you guys see on the way.
When the three of you arrive, you nod at Sukuna before walking yourself and Yuuji over to the women’s restroom. The boy always came with you, being too young to go into the males alone.
But Sukuna loves to make a show, so the second the two of you start walking in the opposite direction from him, he says, “Brat, where do you think you are going?”
Yuuji turns to him, still holding onto your hand, now with his head cocked to the side. “Potty?
Sukuna grabs onto the boy’s hood and starts pulling him away from you. “You are a man. You go to the men’s bathroom. Let’s go.”
The toddler was not considered a man under any circumstances, so you raise your eyebrows at Sukuna. It only meant that he was now the one to help Yuuji. So, you shrug, wave him goodbye, and say, “Good luck!” before you turn back to the women’s restroom.
Yuuji seems to look concerned as he was dragged away from you, considering he always goes with you to the bathroom, but he quickly grabs onto Sukuna’s pants, knowing that he may be left behind if he doesn’t.
And so the two of them went on with their business. The toddler nearly runs out of the bathroom, excited to go on the rides once again, but Sukuna barks a command for the kid to stay close, causing the boy to whine, but grab onto Sukuna again. The two of them wait for you in front of the women’s restroom.
Five minutes go by, and you are still not out. It took a long time, considering that the two of them took longer than usual because Sukuna sucks at helping the kid. But, Sukuna knows better than to complain; it could be “girl” problems like you often say.
Ten minutes go by, and now Sukuna is tapping his feet against the pavement while Yuuji presses his face to Sukuna’s side, fingers inside his mouth from nerves. “Brother, where is she?”
Sukuna ignores the boy, and calls your phone. He hears the annoying sound of your ringtone come from his back pocket, and he tilts his head back and groans. Of course, you would leave your phone with him in this situation. Yuuji blinks at him, confused as to what is happening. But then, Sukuna takes a step forward to an elderly woman approaching the bathroom, describes your appearance, and tells her your name so that she can help look for you in the restroom.
Two minutes go by, and the woman comes out and shakes her head. You weren’t in there. Sukuna’s eyes widen, before he tears himself from the wall with a sigh. He mumbles out, “If your ass goes missing, I am going to kill you.” and Yuuji’s own eyes widen at the prospect.
“Y/N m-missing?”
Sukuna grabs onto the boy’s wrist and begins to drag him away from the bathroom. “Not for long. Dont be useless. Keep your eyes open for her.”
And so, the two of them began to walk around the park for you. Yuuji had whined out that Sukuna was walking too fast and was holding onto his wrist too tightly, but it was just due to the stress of the situation. So, without letting the boy prepare himself, Sukuna reaches down and snatches him up, placing him onto his side. “Dont get used to it. Your ass is just too slow. Keep looking.”
Yuuji just nods, frowning and resting his head on Sukuna’s shoulder. If this were any other circumstance Yuuji would be buzzing with excitement, loving being held in general, paired with being close to Sukuna. But you were missing, and Sukuna was incredibly tense, so Yuuji didn’t feel comforted at all.
They had been walking for ten minutes, and at this point, you were missing for almost twenty-five minutes. Sukuna was cursing under his breath, scanning the fair that housed so many people and was successfully blinding him from you. It was getting dark at this point too.
Sukuna hears sniffles in his ear, and he quickly turns to his brother, hissing out, “Dont you dare cry right now.” The last thing he needed was sobbing in his ear.
Yuuji grabs onto Sukuna’s shirt and shakes his head, trying to hold back the tears. “W-Wont cry. Won’t. Where is Y/N? Brother, I want Y/N.”
The elder, in return, grabs the back of his hair and presses the boy’s face into his neck. He holds him there while Yuuji squeezes his eyes shut and latches on tighter to the man, feeling slightly better now that he is pressed close to his brother. “I am going to find her. Just focus on not crying; I dont want snot on my neck, little pest.”
Sukuna begins to rewalk his steps, heading back to the bathroom. He was glaring at everyone who walked by that looked concerned for the toddler who was holding back tears. Sukuna just holds the boy tighter and continues to scan the crowd to no avail.
The entirety of it, Yuuji is mumbling out, “No crying. No crying. No crying.” while tears slip down his cheeks. He also tries to look for you, but the second he pulls away from the man’s skin, he seems to want to cry even more with the lack of security. So the boy remains placed in Sukuna’s neck, mumbling out to himself while Sukuna ignores him and continues to search. The hand hasn’t left the back of Yuuji’s hair.
But, at last the two of them make it back to the bathrooms where you originally were supposed to be. Sukuna spots a figure sitting on the curb, looking equally as stressed as the two of them felt, but with two stuffed animals in their hands. He lets out a deep breath, relief washing over him and his rapidly beating heart.
Yuuji turns his head to the side when Sukuna pauses, and immediately the boy’s eyes widen. His finger points to you, and he lets out an “ah!” sound. The boy begins to stir in his hold, trying to squirm away so that he can run over to you himself. But Sukuna doesn’t dare let him go, and he skylines straight toward your mopey figure.
The high-pitched sound of your name snaps you out of your thoughts, and before you can even process completely who it is, you are engulfed in a hug. The familiar scent of your boyfriend surrounds you, and you are pinned to his chest, nearly suffocating from the force of it.
Yuuji switches from Sukuna and on to you, squeezing you at an unreasonable force for someone of the age of four. He was sobbing into your shoulder while Sukuna’s hand gripped the back of your neck. But after a long moment, Sukuna pulls away and glares at you. “You idiot. Dumbass. Where the fuck did you go? Are you trying to get kidnapped? Look at what you did to the kid. Are you trying to piss me off?”
He continues to insult and curse at you, demanding an explanation. He was worried about you and this was the way he was expressing it to you. You have to simultaneously comfort the two brothers, who seemed to be a mess without you. Yuuji had you in a death hold, and you had to try to sush his cries, questioning why he was chanting, “Dont cry. Dont cry,” while nearly hyperventilating from tears. Sukuna’s hand grips your shoulder, and he is still scolding you, but every once in a while, would stop himself and force his lips onto yours for a second before pulling away and cursing at you.
Sukuna demanded you explain yourself, and so you sighed and told him the story. You didn’t need to go to the bathroom, and you saw a smaller tiger plushie at a game stand down the line. So, you headed over to the booth, wanting to surprise Yuuji with the tiger. But you continued to lose and eventually got completely absorbed into the game. You did not even know the time had passed and that your phone was not with you, having put it in Sukuna’s pocket last ride. But, after about fifteen minutes, you won not only one but two tiger plushies. When you walked back to the bathrooms, they were gone. And so you waited for them, hoping they would come back soon.
You must have came back right when they left to find you – an unlucky turn of events. Sukuna simply shakes his head at your explanation and then leans forward to rest his forehead on your shoulder. “I am going to put a tracker on you.”
You try to lighten up the mood, petting both his and Yuuji’s hair, who is finally beginning to calm down. “It won’t work if I leave my phone with you.”
“I wouldn’t put it on your phone,” Sukuna remarks, grabbing your hand and grinning at you.
You dont have a clue what that means, so you just shake your head with a sigh. Yuuji’s eyelids are growing heavy from all the walking, the crying fit he had, and the fact that he didnt have his nap today. He leans onto your shoulder and begins to doze off, even with all of the noises.
The two tiger plushies remain on the curb. You sigh and pick them up, holding onto Yuuji’s for later, and giving Sukuna the other one. He gives you an unamused glance. “Why would I want a toy? I am a grown man.”
“Because I won it for you and to prove that not everyone is trying to steal your tiger. ” You quote, referring back to his ridiculous metaphor from before, that holds no meaning.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “It doesn’t really work.”
“Hm?”
“The metaphor. Doesn’t make any sense.”
You raise your eyebrows, surprised he admitted defeat. He must have been in a good mood since he had found you. “Yeah, I know. You failed English three out of the four years of high school. No wonder you dont know how to use metaphors.”
He pauses for a moment, thinking, and then shrugs and doesn’t say anything. You call it a win for you. The two of you exit the park, now that Yuuji was asleep and Sukuna could not be any happier to leave. You probably won’t be returning to the fair for a couple years, knowing him.
When you get home, you tuck Yuuji into bed – he was already completely out, drool coating his chin. You place the tiger stuffed animal next to him, excited to see his reaction to it in the morning.
And you were right – he did have a reaction, way too early in the morning. At 6 AM, the door of you and Sukuna’s shared room flies open, and toddler squeals fill the air. He jumps on your bed with the stuffed animal in his hands and chants, “Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!” while the two of you groan out.
Sukuna, in his half-awake state, grabs onto the boy’s ankle, sending him tumbling onto the bed when he tries to jump. But the boy merely giggles, and this time Sukuna steals the stuffed animal, places it under him, and goes back to sleep.
You are awoken with two mini hands placed on your face and the sight of Yuuji pouting. The first thing you hear that morning is, “Kuna stole my tiger!”
A second later, two tiger plushies are being chucked at the boy. The boy falls back again with an “umph!” from the force of the throw, and the bed rumbles from Sukuna’s laughs.
“If only you used that aim on the fair game,” you mumble, eyes still closed and trying to snuggle into your pillow.
“Just didn’t have the right target.” You hide a smile, not wanting to give Sukuna the satisfaction of making you laugh by insulting Yuuji.
Yuujis giggles echo in the room, and you blink at the boy. He was sitting on Sukuna’s chest now and shoving his stuffed animals in his brother’s face. “Two tigers! Two tigers!”
Sukuna groans out, shaking his head and wishing desperately that he was sleeping. “Your tigers are about to be headless in a minute if you dont stop talking.”
Yuuji shakes his head and pushes the plushies into Sukuna’s neck. “Tigers say, grrrrrrrrr! Wake up Kuna, grrrrrrr!”
The tigers somehow mysteriously go missing three hours later. You could only hope that their heads were still intact – knowing Sukuna, they probably were not.
#mello.writes#big brother au#sukuna x reader#kid yuuji#sukuna x you#sukuna fluff#yuuji fluff#yuuji tadori fluff#jjk fluff#jjk x reader#reader insert#x reader#fem reader#female reader#f! reader#fem! reader
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CALL OF THE SEA / PART FIFTEEN
pirate poly!141 x f!reader tw: NSFW, MDNI, hallucainations/hearing voices??, inaccurate depictions of medicine, idk how ppl made medicines in 1800s but idc its fiction masterlist a/n: thank u for the love from the hurricane i went thru!! i'm okay and back in business, i love u guys <3 things are gonna get a lil spicyyy
When a group of unhinged pirates invade your small village, you're whisked away from your peaceful home and thrown on to a voyage out at sea. Forced to obtain a new role as their medic, you have no choice but to accept your fate as you join their forces and aid them in their treacherous travels.
“Dove,” a voice singsonged, a whisper in the wind that whisked away almost as soon as it appeared.
You halted in your steps, whipping your head around. Standing on the deck, you knew you were alone. You had just been on your way to collect your variety of herbs and powders to teach the Captain of medicine making, yet the sense of dread overtook you the moment you heard your name called out.
Looking out into the vast sea, there was nothing. A heavy mist clouded the air from the storm that was brewing mere lengths away, its arrival unknown. It clouded over the horizon, hiding away what lay beyond in the dull, gray atmosphere.
Yet, Graves had spoken yet again, as if he had sent his voice to travel miles upon miles just to get a rile out of you. It felt like a warning, letting you know he was still present, and very much still attached.
“The one who heals the ill and poor,” Graves echoed tauntingly, a dark chuckle rasping at the end of his words. “The one who has the 141 in knots. That’s you, isn’t it, dove?”
You couldn’t see him, and you weren’t sure whether that was ideal or not. You knew he wasn’t there physically, hell, you weren’t sure it was even really him talking. Your mind could be playing tricks on you.
The words of the prophecy were spoken with such mockery, the ones referring to your very role. The venom in his tone made you queasy. A cold chill dripped down your spine, causing the hairs on your neck to stand.
“Oh, this will be fun,” he cooed. “I’ll be seeing you.”
Stood frozen in place, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the horizon. It was gloomy, and you were beginning to mirror that feeling. You felt toyed with — like a puppet on a shelf, waiting to be used when Graves deemed you useful.
“What are ye doin’ down there, dove?” a voice called. “Looks like ye seen a ghost.”
The faint snickering had you tilting your head up in the direction it came from. Soap sat high up in the crow’s nest, peering down at you mischievously. His broad arms rested on the rim of the nest, leaning lazily.
“I am fine,” you scowled, quickly regaining your composure. Graves crept menacingly in the corners of your mind. “What are you doing up there?”
“She’s a crow’s nest for a reason. I’m watchin’ for the storm, seein’ if I can spot anythin’ out of the ordinary like I’m a bird, birdie” Soap explained with a grin, cocking his head. “What are ye doin’ down there?”
You frowned at him, unamused. “I plan on teaching the Captain how to make medicine,” you replied. “I’m just going to collect my things. It is wealthy to have knowledge in medicines, you know.”
Soap blew out a puff of air, waving his hand dismissively. “If I have any more knowledge up in this noggin’ of mine, it might explode.” He made a point of knocking his knuckles against his head.
“I do not believe there is much in there at all,” you sighed, unable to force a small smile away. Even in times of fear and uncertainty, you couldn’t deny the way Soap put you at ease.
“Ach, yer a bird that bites. What happened to bein’ a sweet bird?” he mumbled in feigned hurt, lips puckered into a pouted frown.
Your smile grew and you shook your head. “Where is Ghost?” you asked. Soap rubbed the back of his neck, fingers twirling into his messy mullet.
“That lad. Locked himself up again, he did. I think the weather’s makin’ him all moody. He helped me out for a bit before goin’ back, so I’m not sure what’s wrong,” he explained sympathetically. There was a hint of hurt at being shut out.
It made you recall the two of them. Embracing. Whispering amongst each other. Ghost, unmasked, leaning into his touch.
You tried your hardest to not let it shift your expression, even if it dug a little hole somewhere in your heart to be reminded of what you didn’t have.
“I see,” you hummed, playing off your tormenting thoughts and shoving them to the side with the rest. “I am… happy that he has someone like you.”
Soap’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He stared at you, confused, before smiling softly. “Ah, c’mon, dove. Ye got us, too.”
Not in the way your heart longed for. But that was a thought that attempted to fiddle with your mind and leave you stranded on an island of foreign feelings far, far away.
You weren’t sure what you desired, anyway.
“Right,” you agreed with a curt nod. “I’ll be going now. Please, do not fall while I’m gone — or do. I have not been able to aid anybody in quite a long time.”
Soap laughed, the sound rumbling you to the core. “Mean li’l bird,” he teased.
With a smile, you continued on to your quarters, shoving any strange ideas behind and focusing on the task at hand. Price was still waiting for you, after all.
Entering your shared space, you nearly cursed the world for putting Gaz in there. While you hadn’t quite avoided him like you wanted to, that was due to the others being around. Now, here alone, was different.
“Hello, Gaz,” you greeted stiffly, giving him a nod. You quickly retreated to your side of the room, which really was Soap’s clutter. You needed to organize it soon or you may lose your mind.
“Dove,” Gaz hummed from where he laid in bed, arms resting behind his head in a lazy position. His eyes followed you like a hawk as you rummaged through the bag taken from your village on your first night with the pirates.
The resources you’d been forced to bring so long ago were now going to be of use, which was something you wished to be excited for—yet, the elephant in the room was a downpour on your mood.
You felt ridiculous. It was not as if you were avoiding him in rejection—it was that it was not rejection that you were avoiding him.
Your heartstrings seemed to tighten and pull whenever he was near, and it made you feel crazy. It felt like you couldn’t catch a break, constantly toying with your own feelings.
What was this feeling of longing you so hopelessly seemed to feel differently with each of them? Was it still the craving for a sense of belonging?
“Is someone hurt?”
You glanced up from your bag, fingers pausing. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before realization took over and you shook your head. “No. I am teaching Price the ways of medicine.”
So much for avoiding him.
“Is that so?” he asked. You weren’t sure why his tone seemed so… off. As if there were a taste of bitterness to it.
You recalled the night you threw your food at him from the stuffiness of your cell below deck when he had done nothing but try and quench your hunger. He truly was not a fan of you, nor you him. While you were scared, he was protective of his kin.
Now, his tone was a grave reminder of how much time had passed, and how different things were.
You gave him another stiff nod, watching as he stood from the bed. Your heart pounded in your chest, banging against your rib cage with every step he took closer.
When he finally stopped, he was mere inches away, standing tall and proud over you. You focused your gaze on his chest, mapping the loosely tied strings that hung from the middle of his billowy shirt. You were overcome with spikes of awkward anxiety and unable to connect eyes with him.
Seeing this, he tilted his head down, cocked to the side in a mocking way. He forced your gaze to meet his from leaning down alone, and you held your breath at the sight of slight annoyance burrowed somewhere in his expression.
“Are you avoidin’ me?” he asked lowly.
You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat. Your hands grew clammy, and you couldn’t take them out of your bag to wipe them on your dress or else he’d know.
“No,” you stammered, frowning. “I am just— Price is waiting for me.”
Was he angry that you did not reciprocate a kiss? It was not your fault—you had never shared one.
“There is no playful banter. Nor even a gaze in the eye,” he commented.
“I am looking at you right now,” you defended weakly.
“What you’re doin’ is actin’ different,” he said slyly, mirroring your frown. “What, you hand me a gift, a beautiful one, and now that I have read the signs wrong, you wish to hide from me?”
“That—” You inhaled sharply. “That is not what is happening.”
“So, I have read them right, then.”
“I do not know what signs you are referring to.”
“Don’t be daft, dove.”
Your fingers tightened around a small jar in your bag, knuckles going white. You wanted to avoid the forced eye contact altogether, but now you could not look away. It was as if you were in a trance.
“It is improper to refer to a woman as daft,” you hissed in defense.
“You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met,” Gaz mused, his head tilting once again.
This is what he wanted, and you were giving it to him. He wanted the banter, the jests, to see you grow irritated to tug a reaction from you, and unfortunately, it was working.
“You have never been kissed before?” he continued.
Your ears were beginning to ring. Your entire body felt hot to the touch, like a scorching fire burned through your veins and trickled its way up to your brain.
“That is inappropriate, Gaz,” you tried, though your defense was weak. He was right. He was always right, and you hated it. “I must return to Price. I—I cannot have this conversation.”
“You will have to avoid the whole sea if you believe I am the only one,” he stated calmly, growing soft now that his initial annoyance was wearing off. “Do not make me the one to suffer.”
You stared at him, mouth opened to speak but the words lost in translation. You felt like you were betraying yourself by choosing to avoid him out of mere uncertainty. You were only doing a disservice to yourself.
The words he spoke laid heavy on your mind, but you were unable to decipher the true meaning. Perhaps you were avoiding that, too.
The two of you said nothing, sitting in tense silence as you hurried to throw your bag over your shoulder. You didn’t want Price to slam open his door and search for you, believing you accidentally fell into the treacherous waters and sunk below the angry sea.
You shuffled to the door, hand hovering over the handle. You risked a weary glance over your shoulder, seeing Gaz standing and watching you with keen eyes, a glint of something unrecognizable in them.
You had nobody else to feel sorry for but yourself.
“I will not avoid you,” you muttered quietly. “I do not think I have the strength to do so, anyway. Not with you.”
You tugged open the door, excusing yourself.
The chill in the air was refreshing against your warm skin, cooling off the heat that radiated off of you like a furnace. As you returned to Price’s quarters, your mind was scrambled, overloaded with millions of thoughts that plagued you.
The wind rustled and blew, and you could only pray there wasn’t a familiar whisper hiding in its trail. It seemed as if the universe had plenty of tricks up its sleeve today, and it was dealing them all to you one by one.
When you looked up at the crow’s nest as you walked by, Soap remained. He gave you a smile when you passed, and it made the worry in your stomach simmer to a low boil.
“You took quite some time,” Price noted as you stepped inside. “Did you walk the plank along your way?”
You chuckled, shaking your head and shooing the bag off your shoulder. It fell to the desk with a small thud. “I ran into Soap,” you explained.
“I see.” Price smiled in acknowledgment. “Alright, dove. Let’s begin, hm?”
“You are not very good at this.”
You watched as Price attempted to grind a mix of herbs and powder in the bowl you lent him. Teaching him how to make a paste meant for burns proved fruitless, as he seemed to mess up the measurements when you weren’t looking.
“That’s why you’re the expert, dove,” he huffed in annoyance, laser focused on grinding the end of the wooden stick into the roundness of the bowl, mashing down the mixture. “I do not see how this will become a paste.”
“Did you mix in the drops of water like I told you?” you asked.
He glowered at the clear dropper you held up, which seemed just as full as when you first started. He snatched it up, squeezing a couple of drops into the failed paste for good measure, then continued mixing.
“Was I correct?” you teased, peering down into the bowl. You were pleased to see it mixing much more smoothly, almost like thick butter.
“Silence,” he grunted, shooting a weak glare your way. “I pray this medicine proves to be useful.”
“It is for burns to ease the flare up of the skin,” you explained, keeping an eye on the mixture. “I am sure it will come in handy.”
Price hummed, mashing the paste until he seemed satisfied. He shifted the bowl towards you, waiting for approval. The idea of it made you snort—a Captain, seeking approval from his ex-prisoner.
“It is not bad,” you praised, earning him a furrow of his eyebrows. “Much better after the water.”
He gave you a look, unamused, eyeing you as you shoveled the paste into an empty jar. You were happy to add it to the collection, though you wished you had the opportunity for a room for yourself to display them. Soap and Gaz’s room was feeling crowded.
“I am only teasing,” you said with a smile. “It’s almost as good as mine.”
Price snorted, smiling back. “Aye, I’m a Captain, not a medic. That’s your specialty,” he retorted.
“And will this medic ever get a room of her own? Or perhaps a place to work?”
He raised an eyebrow. You mirrored him. “Are the boys not fun to room with?”
Images of Gaz earlier flashed in your mind. You swallowed. “No, they are just fine. But I am a woman, after all. It is not… suitable.”
Price made a noise of acknowledgment, nodding slow. He seemed to be thinking, a hand brushing through his beard and stroking his bottom lip.
“That is… understandable. Forgive me, I have not had a woman on my ship until you. It slipped my mind that you roomin’ with those two may not be entirely appropriate,” he replied thoughtfully.
“You forced me to sleep with you on my first night out of the brig,” you reminded him.
Price paused his stroking, blinking at you. For a moment, you lost him, his mind running astray. You could only stare back patiently.
“Would you prefer to stay here, then?” he asked. “You may find much more peace in here than with them., or if you'd like, you may switch off between quarters.”
You felt your body tense up at the mere thought. You knew no matter who you stayed with, it would be a gamble. Each of them had your heart on lock in an unfamiliar way, and the thought of staying with Price again had your stomach twisting into knots.
Gaz popped up once again, and you wondered if that decision would solidify your act in avoiding him. A pang of guilt hit your chest.
“You would not mind?” you asked wearily.
Price shrugged. “I may prefer it, actually.”
Your expression morphed into confusion, eyebrows pulling together and lips curling into a frown. He’d prefer to spend nights with you, rather than allowing you to cram into a small bed with Soap in the late hours of the night?
You thought the Captain valued his privacy and solitude. Now that he was offering you to stay on his own rather than out of fear of you running off to islands unknown, it felt much more personal.
“You’d prefer it?”
“Yes,” he confirmed.
“Why?”
The Captain paused, narrowing his eyes at you. You were curious at to what he could be thinking about.
The door to his quarters opened, silencing your conversation rather quickly. The wind sounded much louder now without barriers between the inside and outside, and when you whipped your head to look at the doorway, Soap stood, drenched in water.
You were so focused on your time with Price and your craft, you hadn’t noticed the uneasy rockiness of the ship that seemed to grow with every second.
“The storm’s brewin’ real fast, Cap,” Soap breathed, lightly heaving. He must’ve climbed down the nest in a haste. “We need to get her steady. It’s comin’ down faster than we thought.”
The Captain stood quickly, giving him a nod. “Go collect Gaz and Ghost,” he ordered. Soap agreed, tossing the door closed and leaving you alone. “Dove, you’re stayin’ here.”
“I must be of help—”
“Here,” he repeated, tapping his finger on the desk. “That’s an order.”
You wanted to protest, but the look on his face was gloomy. You watched him leave his quarters and enter the battlefield of heavy rain that spilled over on to the deck.
Something in your heart tugged, but this time, not out of longing, or envy—it was worry. Sure, you faced many storms in your village, but never on a ship where one wrong move could send you right below the waves and have you never come back up again.
You felt helpless as you sat, thumbs twiddling mindlessly in your lap as you hoped and pray the ship would become steady enough for them to return to safety.
“Dove.”
The crashing sound of cracking thunder had you jolting in your seat. You did as the Captain ordered and stayed put, but you were becoming restless. The longer you stayed, the more your feeling of cold dread grew.
You knew where it was coming from. It was the very thing living inside your head, and you wondered if Ghost could hear it, too.
You couldn’t sit anymore. You got to your feet, quickly throwing open the door to a monsoon.
The ship swayed with the heavy, angry waves that crashed harshly against the sides of the ship. It made you lose balance, and you grabbed on to the doorway to steady.
Gaz and Soap stood under the rainfall, water soaking into their skin and clothes as they heaved the sails closed, holding the ropes to guaranteed they stayed.
Ghost was lifting heavy baggage that had yet to be stored away, thrown over his shoulder as he hurried to transport them to a dry part of the ship.
The Captain stood at the helm, his hair flat against his forehead and dripping water all the way down to his beard. He was mastering the steering of the ship, barking orders at Soap and Gaz while the two attempted to keep the sails at bay.
“Isn’t this fun, dove?” Graves whispered. You wished you could claw out your own eardrums.
You knew he was near. Before, you couldn’t feel his presence—now, it felt stronger than ever.
You frantically looked around, hoping to spot him somewhere out at sea, but the rain was too heavy. The sky had been darkening, giving off an ominous hue covered by storm clouds. You wouldn’t be able to see him from below.
Your eyes landed on the crow’s nest, the net of rope leading up to it swaying in the crazy wind. Soap had been up there mere hours ago, watching the storm and charting its location.
Without a moment of hesitation, you sprinted in the cold rain, heading towards your destination.
“Dove?” Soap called out in confusion, before recognizing you. “Dove! What are ye doin’?”
You began your ascent, just as Gaz had joined in calling for you. With them unable to leave the ropes of the sails behind, they couldn’t chase after you, stopping you from your foolish moment of cleverness.
“What the hell is she doin’ out?” Price growled, his firm voice quieter in the winds chasing it away.
The rope creaked as you planted your feet in the gaps, climbing your way up to the nest. The higher up you got, the more the breeze increased its abuse, whipping along your face in a serious of angry smacks.
The pirate’s voices grew farther away as you approached the crow’s nest. Their tones were ones of concern, fear, and worry as you scrambled your way on to the rugged, old wood platform, hauling yourself up.
You needed to know if your thoughts were true—if Graves truly was here, or if it was another one of his tricks.
You stood on the crow’s nest, holding yourself steady with a firm grip of the sides. You looked out into the void, scanning for anything, any sign—and there it was.
A ship, not too far off in the distance, swaying with the waves with its front nose pointed in the direction of your ship. A large sail flapped in the wind, and it was so misty you nearly couldn’t see it until a familiar white outline of a skull appeared, waving as if saying hello.
Graves was setting sail right towards the ship, and he had every intention of riding out the storm until he reached you.
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UGH SO
THE GIRL THAT I HAVE CRUSH ON*
WILL BE BACK IN THE COUNTRY IN A MATTER OF DAYS
AND MY CURRENT FEELS ARE
PLZ DON’T MAKE ME SAD NAME REDACTED PLZ
#diary#*OBVIOUSLY ITS MORE THAN A CRUSH BC WE HAVE DONE THE KISSY KISSY ETC ETC ETC#BUT WE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP#I TRIED TO PUT RELATIONSHIP IN INVERTED COMMAS AND TUMBLR TAGS REMOVED THEM#ITS LIKE LOWKEY ALMOST A RELATIONSHIP#BUT WE HAD SO MANY CHATS A WHILE BACK LIKE BEFORE SHE LEFT THE COUNTRY#ABOUT WHY IT SHOULDN'T BE LABELED A RELATIONSHIP BLAH BLAH BLAH#THIS IS OKAY AND WE WERE ON THE SAME PAGE WHEN SHE LEFT#BUT ITS BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AND U KNO HOW PPL KINDA JUST DROP OFF ONLINE CHATS WHEN THEY OVERSEAS#YEAH#WE BARELY TALKED AND IT SCARES ME THAT SHE MIGHT COME HONME AND BE LIKE NAH GIRL BYE#I HAVE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE AND SHE 100% HAS AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE SO LIKE#ITS PROBS IRRATIONAL TO BE SO CONCERNED THAT SHE WILL COME HOME AND DECIDE NO MORE CYNTHIA FOR ME#I'M HOT N SEXI N DREAMY OKAY#SHE INTO MEEEEEEEE#THERE BEEN ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO SAY THAT SHE LIKES ME AND STILL WANTS TO MAINTAIN A CONNECTION WHEN SHE GETS BACK#I ALSO REALISED THAT LIKE FOR HER PAST TRAUMAS AND WHERE SHES AT WITH HEALING IT HAS TO BE OKAY FOR US TO BE ~ NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP ~#WITHOUT TACKING THE WORD ~ YET ~ TO THE END OF THAT LINE#AND ALSO HAVING SPACE AND TIME AWAY FROM HER HAS ME LIKE#BRUH NAH SHE AINT READY TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I DON'T WANT HER AS MY GF IF SHE ISN'T READY FOR THAT#SHE HAS LOTS TO LEARN AND UNLEARN AND I DO TOO#IF SHE WANTS TO LEARN AND UNLEARN THE SHIT WITH ME THEN I WANT TO KKNOW HER#IF SHE DOESN'T WANNA LEARN AND UNLEARN SHIT WITH ME THEN MAYBE I ONLY WANT FRIENDSHIP WITH HER WHICH WOULD FKN HURT BC#OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFT SHE MAKES ME FEEEEEEEL THINGS#EMOTIONAL AND NON EMOTIONAL LOLOLOLOLOLOL#but bruh srsly plz don't break my heart#i keep sitting in the discomfort and practicing the skills i been learning in therapy and it is helping#i hate it but i know its helping so i resist urge to send her capslock texts saying why the fuck u leave me on seen hoe why the fuckkkkkk#not like i ever do that - or not those literal words#so i been panicking a lil bit and i just want to have a soft sapphic summer not a soggy sad girl summer okay
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