#it was about being lied to and then betrayed it was a recreation of something that happened to me

[honestlyawesome]

Holy shit nightmare

[ask-akira-natsumi]

Do you ever think about how is Az ends up with Gywn and Elaine ends up with Lucien, that both Az and Elain will be with partners that they will have to learn to navigate/ help navigate through the trauma of their SA.

I imagine this will be difficult for them in different ways.

Elaine had only ever been with/loved 1 man before and given her upbringing, maybe she's never even considered something like that could happen to a male, let alone a fae male.

And I can't think of how Lucien would even begin to tell her. Sure she's his mate, but after going so long being rejected by her I don't expect he'd find it easy to reveal this vulnerability to her and expose another potential reason for her to reject him again. And if he has nightmares anything like Rhys does, I imagine it'll be revealed at some point if they get close in that way.

And for Az, if I recall correctly, he's canonically the kinkiest of the bat boys? Now I have no doubt that he can be a gentleman-gentlemale in a relationship with Gywn and that he'll respect her and be willing to go at her pace when/if she decides she wants a sexual relationship with him as well. What I worry about for Az is that he'll feel like he had to hide his kinky side from Gywn so as not to trigger her and that kinda recreates one of the big problems with his potential relationship with Elaine: he hides the 'bad' parts of himself from her.

Az makes himself less of himself to be good for Elaine, to be the gentlemale that she got to know, his shadows even shrink back from her. But there's no way for that to work long term. It would just lead Elain feeling betrayed because Az lied to her about himself and Az would feel betrayed for being rejected when she learns about the real him.

So yeah, I think it's be important for Az and Gywn to have a good talk about their boundaries, expectations, preferences in regard to sex before it goes in that direction for them. But that's also something that would be a good practice for anyone.

[nicomrade]

Talk to me about Kaiji part 4... OR abt something youre currently reading/enjoyed recently idk how up to date I am w that 🐴💕

i almost bonked u for a fave emoji but now i see that horsie :) hehe hi horsie

kaiji part 4 is so one of my favorite death games PERIOD like outside of its kaiji context the arc does something i havent seen anything else do.. kaiji, the protag, isnt playing the game hes forced to only spectate it and comment on it. and so is the calculating antagonist! and that take on the 3rd party commentators is one of the only good examples of it ive seen (usogui is another good example) in opposition to how liar game does it (and everything else that copied it)

CAUSE ok my rules are

1. ur narration should, as much as possible, be from someone IN the gamble. what do i care what someone not in the game THINKS, MAYBE, is the gamblers' motivations? let the gamblers speak for themselves- about each other and about themselves. let THEM lie.

2. if u do have outside commentators, that commentary needs to ADD something and it CANNOT be stuff thats just thrown away later. example: in liar game the commentators will tell u "this gambler did this for that reason" and that turns out to be WRONG. so on a reread u remember thats literally not true and can easily skip the pages and not lose any information. thats very bad.

im OK w narration (from outside and inside the game) misleading you- its the bread & butter of gambling fiction. but that has to ADD something. it cannot just be clutter and lies. theres a great example of the ref lying to the audience in usogui but i cant get into it w no spoilers so trust me i do love it when the narration lies to my face sometime. cuz it adds meaning to a text!!!

AND THATS what part 4 is about. the gambler protag is forbidden from playing (at times literally tied up!!!) and its allllllllll about the biases of narration and commentary. its about kazuya literally FICTIONALIZING this. hes writing a book from this!!!! and kazuya seeing everything through his "friendship is fake" lense, kaiji seein the same thing as PROOF trust & friendship r real... the players backstories being inserted at the most impactful moment, the ways kazuya lies to the players without technically~~ lying and so on. the question at the heart of the game: is friendship more valuable than money? is not even answered properly because of kazuyas manipulation AND of kaijis interference. the commentators are pulled back into the game- they are playing, too. may they want it or not theyre part of this "experiment", of this fiction. you, sir, are a space too- we live in a society.?

and as u pointed out theres an omnipresence of water imagery in the arc and this is kazuya projecting his own subconscious into it. this is kind of like what jigsaw does in saw 1 hes recreating his trauma and putting people in that situation to see how THEY cope so he can know what hes supposed to do too. (cause emotionally he lived his diagnosis like a saw trap. so hes putting other people in this death sentence to, yes, cope.)

kazuya lived his drowning like a choice everyone on the boat made to save someone else instead of him, so hes putting other people in a situation to choose between someones life and something else to see what THEY do. and, of course, they have to reenact that betrayal he felt or his trauma isnt just "how the world is, trust and friendship are fake" but actually something that was wrong with him. the game does not exist without him reliving his childhood through it. theres no story without the spectator, the camera, the voyeur.

& kaiji is reliving his own gambles! "theres no way theyll betray each other" because if trust & friendship arent real then all of HIS betrayals were just him being a fucking idiot. what grace and virtue is there in forgiving the one who stabbed you in the back if it turns out thats just human nature to be selfish. if its not the death game making people act unlike their true selves then kaijis just some mark who got scammed over and over again lol...

like all good death games, the game stands for something. in part 1 its capitalism (and most of the time in kaiji its this, work, money, addiction, class) and in part 4 too you see this rich japanese man exploit poor immigrants for entertainment and thats what the game is, but its also (childhood) trauma. "they wont kill each other because me and the 45ers, me and the guys on the steel beams, we didnt." and "emotionally, this was like being strapped to a chair and seeing my trusted one walk to the button, and kneel, and apologize, and cry, and not release me. and watch me die."

[luonnon-varainen]

!!TOH FINALE SPOILERS!!

A small one, but still go and watch it it's soo good

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honestly, I think the finale was great. Amazing animation, voice acting was fantastic, ending was sooo cute, Kings dad is the best "boi", all characters have those gorgeous expression. Even fact it was a little bit to rushed, because tfu-tfu- Disney's politics and I won't forgive them this mistake, doesn't bothered me at all and whole story was entertaining, engrossing and smooth. My only two issues were lack of personal/deeper backstory of Philip and Collector's arch ending.

While in the first one there is nothing to do about it, just not enough time for the flashbacks. Even with King's dad possibility of using cubes to show it, just animators and Dana couldn't put it in 55 minutes of very condensed episod with a lot of archs to finish.

The Collector's arch could work out well, if it was a possibility of adding one maybe two sentences. Whole issue in their arch is that they go back to the stars(supposing to the Archivists) and them being "alone" again(my opinion). What they was learning during this episode was how to be kind and forgive others. And I didn't noticed anybody in entire show who could be reason for Collector's not-forgiving trait/did something to Collector and they feel angry with so badly they can't forgive them besides their siblings, who betrayed Collector in the past. So probably this part of their lesson was inclined to their relationship with own kind. We saw Collector being scared, mad and sad with the Archivists actions and lies, but only this. It doesn't give any information about their relationship, only about one very specific situation. If in Collector's short retrospection about their past was sentence like: "I loved my siblings, they always played with me games I chose and cared about me, but they lied to me and used me(rest of their story) " whole ending would make sense. They learnt with Luz, King and Eda about forgiving others, even when they did something horrible. It would make Collector rethinks their relationship with the Archivists and chooses to try work things out with them - going back to the stars. And when Collector would be with their family, they could learn them about mortality(maybe all collectors don't understand idea of dying and that's why they just do collecting in such a nasty way and uses force when sb doesn't obey them - how could they know they can't regain someone's personality(a lofe of the brain) after the death, if they didn't experience it or can recreate, but only in own specie) and kindness. It all would make sense and erase both loneliness issue and going back to the stars issue. Honestly I wanted sth like this as the Collector's arch end, but yeah just one more sentence and it would be perfect for me.

This comment is not meant to blame Dana, animators, storyboarders or anybody from The Owl House crew that they did something wrong. As I said before not their fault, that Disney "stabbed them in the backs" and forces them to condense such a great and complex story in such a small amount of time. I just feel a little bit dissatisfied with this two arch and this is my idea to make them satisfying, if I had anything to say. But I don't.

I'm glad with what I've got and really appreciate impact of the owl house on media and me💛

[jamesgalgano]

CIRCUMSPECT DELUSION

CIRCUMSPECT DELUSION By james a. galgano

THERE IS THIS ROUND ABOUT WAY OUT OF ONE’S HEART YOU MAKE A WRONG TURN AND IT WILL TEAR YOU APART AND LEAVE DESTRUCTION ALONG YOUR PATH TO TOMORROW FOR THAT MOMENT OF WONDER COMES A WORLD FULL OF SORROW WAS IT WORTH THE PRICE FOR ALL THAT YOU BEGGED AND BORROWED AND LIED YOUR WAY THROUGH TO RECREATE THIS BLUNDER IN THE MAKING CALLED YOU

LIKE THERE IS A CHANCE TO MAKE ALL DREAMS COME TRUE WHO ARE LYING TO NOW AND WHAT WILL YOU DO BUT DIE TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT IT MIGHT BE BETTER THAT WAY BUT HOW CAN IT BE YOUR LIFE IS MORE THAN MISTAKES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE THERE IS SOMETHING MORE THAN ALL OF THIS THAT IS NOT OF YOUR MAKING SO WHY LIE ANYMORE WHOSE HEART BUT YOUR OWN WILL YOU BE BREAKING

DON’T BE CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT OF WHAT WILL NEVER BE THERE IS MUCH MORE THAN THIS FAUX DESTINY SO IMPOLITE AS IF YOU WERE A BOUQUET OF NAILS SEARCHING FOR A CROSS TO HANG YOUR SELF-INFLICTED SORROW TONIGHT FOR WHAT IT COST WAS IT WORTH THE PRICE FOR THE INTEGRITY LOST BY DAWNS EARLY LIGHT WHO ARE YOU KIDDING BUT ONLY YOUR SELF LIKE A FOOL ON A HILL SO CIRCUMSPECT WITHIN YOUR DELUSION BEGGING YOUR PARDON FOR EACH INDISCRETION OR INTRUSION UPON OTHERS FAUX DREAMS LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT IT IS CRACKED UP TO BE IN BETWEEN

SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS TRULY OF YOUR MAKING BUT WHY ARE YOU TO BLAME FOR WHAT OTHERS ARE TAKING TO BE THE GODS HONEST TRUTH AFTER ALL THEY ARE ONLY WORDS YOU HAVE ONLY WRITTEN TO BE OF SOME USE TO RELIEVE YOUR GUILT SEARCHING FOR A DOOR TO PASS THROUGH TO BE WHERE YOU NEVER WERE BEFORE ALL THIS CAME DOWN LIKE A MEESAGE ON BROEN WINGS OF A BIRD THAT COULD NEVER FLY OR FOR THAT MATTER SING

AS IF YOU HAD AN OPTION AS IF YOU HAD A CLUE WERE YOU THAT SO FOOLISH WERE YOU SO UNTRUE OR WILL YOU LIKE ALL OTHERS SEARCHING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO WHAT YOU COULD DO TO MAKE IT TO TOMORROW WHERE EVER THE PATH WOULD LEAD BEYOND HOPE OR PRAYER SEARCHING FOR AN ANSWER SO OFTEN NEVER THERE TO DISMISS OR DISSUADE THAT FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT OR BEING BETRAYED

THIS IS THE ROAD OF LIFE PAVED IN BLUNDER OF YOUR OWN MAKING EACH STEP THAT YOU TOOK TOWARD A GOAL SO OFTEN MISTAKING WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HAD YOU BEEN HONEST AND TRUE BUT YOUR ONLY HUMAN FILLED WITH THE IMPERFECTIONS AND MISCUES HOPING FOR SOME OUTSIDE HAND TO GUIDE YOUR WAY YET NEVER REALIZING UNTIL THE END YOU WERE ONLY BEING LEAD ASTRAY

SO HERE IS WHERE IT ENDS AS QUICKLY AS IT BEGAN ONCE UPON A TIME FROM BABY CRY COMING INTO LIGHT TO AGED MIND WELCOMING NIGHT LOOKING BACK IN ANGER OR MAYBE GUFFAW WAS THIS YOUR PLAN OR IN CIRCUMSPECT WHAT YOU SAW YOUR LIFE WOULD LEAD HOW COULD YOU BE SO MISTAKEN OR SO ILL CONCEIVED THAT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HOODWINKED BY WHAT YOU BELIEVED ONCE UPON A TIME WHEN YOUR DREAMS INTERSECTED WITH WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN BUT NEVER WAS BY DESIGN.

[butwhatifidothis]

So if it is MEANT to be a villain route...Why are the villanous actions NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters outside of "Huh. I wonder if there was a better way to do this."

Why did they have Rhea go insane and torch a city? Why make potray Rhea as a villain when you could potray her as the hero whos genuinely trying to do good? Why have a majority of the characters still be able to be recruited regardless of if it makes sense? Why have the ending narration mostly be possible? WHY have Edelgard succeed and somehow turn her tyranny into a society that "ensures a free and independent society fot all."

If it's REALLY a villain route, why is there not a single character ending mentioning things like rebellions and conflict? Hell, the ending narration shows not a hint of villainy and potrays its ending as heroic.

"Embracing her newfound power, Edelgard could at last set about destroying Fódlan's entrenched system of nobility and rebuild a world free from the tyranny of Crests and status."

Again, if it was TRULY meant to be the villain route, it would have been POTRAYED as such. Instead of a villain route, we got "A route where one of the villains is made the protagonist and her views and villainous actions are never questioned OR addressed and outside of the conquest and starting the war, everyone is mostly happy."

Alright so this is going to seem like a nonserious answer, but I'm 100% serious when posting this image as part of a genuine answer to this question:

On CF, your actions are never addressed because of ignorance. On the surface, your actions seem like they've helped Fodlan, but as soon as the player looks any deeper it starts to become evident that something isn't right.

If Edelgard made a free and independent society for all, why are the people spied on in Hubert's ending with Dorothea? Why are rebellions secretly being put down in his ending with Shamir? That's not free, in a general sense or from specifically tyranny. That's a direct contradiction from two of the characters that can only be played on CF, and this is only found on CF.

Rhea is portrayed as a villain because she is Nabatean, and Edelgard hates Nabateans, and you are playing a route that emphasizes her ideals - which include wiping out all of the inhuman, bestial, vile, cruel Nabateans that have been plaguing humanity’s world. Rhea goes insane on CF because unlike all of the other routes, where the player and the lord never go out of their way to trample and spit on their enemies' trauma, that's what you are doing the entire time you play CF to Rhea - for months once Byleth returns, and that’s being extremely generous and not counting the entire war. You help drive Rhea and the other Nabateans away from their homes when taking over Garreg Mach - like Nemesis did to Rhea after the Red Canyon Massacre! You're helping someone try to kill off the rest of her people - like Nemesis did at Zanado! You're trying to kill Rhea with the Sword of the Creator, her mother's mutilated corpse - like Nemesis did! You're doing so with the descendent of Wilheim - spitting on the legacy of the one human Rhea could trust during the War of Heroes! You're literally recreating the single worst moment of Rhea's life, all so that you can help the one who views her as less than human.

Portraying Rhea as "the hero who's genuinely trying to do good" goes against Edelgard's viewpoint of all Nabateans being evil, and you're never meant to question Edelgard or make her change her beliefs. You as the player are actively discouraged from talking back to Edelgard, as she will noticeably get upset whenever you do - many times you will even lose support points with her, and this is especially bad for specifically Edelgard because you have to get to a certain support level with her to enter her route, with you having less chapters to do so because she won't talk to you until after Byleth achieves the Sword of the Creator in Chapter 4.

Look at how Rhea, Dimitri, and Claude are portrayed on CF. Rhea and Dimitri are demonized, while Claude is given some leeway from Edelgard. Now notice who of the three of them always speak their minds over Edelgard's villainy to her face, and which of the three of them bends to Edelgard's view of them as the bad guy. Dimitri and Rhea never allow themselves to bend to Edelgard - they call her out and call her actions evil. Claude, on the other hand, will remove himself from Fodlan and then afterwards make himself out to be a bad guy whom Edelgard managed to take down. He puffs up her ego, and he gets to live, while the two that don't must die. Edelgard is the one always out for the kill, and only by submitting to her is anyone allowed to live - which, I don’t think needs to be said, isn’t very heroic of her.

I've had my fair share of complaints over the characters that can be recruited over to CF, but even with those complaints... look at how those characters behave on CF. None of them are Felix levels of negative character development, but they all act noticeably worse on CF vs how they are on the other routes. To name some notable examples: Ignatz goes from wanting to paint Garreg Mach as it stood five years before to preserve its beauty to wanting to paint the violent downfall of the Alliance, Lysithea wants to abandon House Ordelia, which is in direct contrast to her core character motivation, Ingrid is willing to throw away her lifelong dream of being a knight of Faerghus, which she herself says is her spitting on her dead betrothed’s dreams, Leonie works with Jeralt’s killers, etc. etc.. And mind, CF is the route that locks out the most units - there's the obvious ones like Dedue and Gilbert who were already route exclusive, but then there's Seteth and Flayn, Catherine, Cyril, and Hilda. CF is the only route to have even non-exclusive units be completely unavailable no matter what.

Edelgard doesn't make a society that is "free," like I said above - having a secret police monitor the people's actions, or is ready to put down anyone who tries to rise up against her, is literally the opposite of free. Edelgard can and will ban plays she doesn't like - not free. Edelgard only allows state-sanctioned religion, if she does allow it - not free.

CF is a route that wants to make the player believe the lie that you're not the villain, because you are playing from the perspective of someone who herself doesn't think she's the villain, but like. Look at what you're doing. You're invading two countries for the express, explicit purpose of taking them over and making them your own. You're working with someone who's been trying to reunite Fodlan back under Adrestia as early as the prologue when she tried to have Dimitri and Claude assassinated. You're helping TWS. Your Imperial presence makes Church people flee - which, given that Edelgard wants Rhea and those involved with the Church dead, I don't blame them. You're working with someone who is starving her people so that she can carry on with her war.

CF lies to the player - Edelgard lies, constantly. She says she's willing to let Rhea live, but literally the scene before she says she seeks to fuckin' Exodia Rhea. She lies about Arianrhod. She lies - or is flat-out wrong, which isn't much better - about the Church hoarding wealth and about the Church splitting up the Empire. She lies about not knowing about TWS pre-ts. She helps spread the lie of Duscur being the ones who killed Lambert. She lied about not knowing where Flayn was when she was kidnapped. She lies to her people by making them believe she’s making the orders during the war, not Byleth. There's a student who doubts all of what Edelgard says right before the timeskip happens and who isn't sure about his decision to stay, and then there’s a man who calls Edelgard “a tricksy one” on the last explore section for lying about attacking the Kingdom capitol. She’s wrong about the history of Nemesis and Seiros, calling Nemesis killing all of Rhea’s family a “simple dispute.” She lies to her people about an entire war against a group who just a little bit ago were her allies. Lies and ignorance are staple points to CF as a route, it’s baked into it, so the idea of the CF going “oh no you totally are the good guys” literally as the city burns down around the players doesn’t come from nowhere.

And like... the ending narration “shows not a hint of villainy?” Um.

Her stepping on the flags of the Alliance and Church? Her recreating a painting of Napoleon - that little known imperialist - down to the hand of justice? Her denouncing gods constantly and then being ushered in by a statue with heavy resemblance to Nike, Goddess of victory? Hubert plotting away from the sight of the rejoicing people? Yeah, there’s a lot of hints to villainy.

Again, CF isn’t “portrayed” as a villain route because it’s you falling for the lies of Edelgard. You have a wool over your eyes. You accept everything Edelgard says as fact, even when she actively contradicts herself - sometimes as radically as in back-to-back scenes. You view yourself as a savior to humanity, even when you plunge it into darkness. You don’t think you’re the villain, so your actions aren’t going to be put in an explicitly villainous light - at least, not by anyone on your side.

This post showcases the difference between non-recruited characters fighting non-CF!Byleth vs CF!Byleth. Characters are mostly saddened by having to fight Byleth in the former, while they are mostly betrayed on CF. Byleth is very clearly seen as being wrong for having sided with Edelgard on CF by the non-recruited characters - Edelgard’s actions may not be directly criticized (save for by Dimitri and a few others), but it makes no sense for these characters to be this shocked and betrayed by Byleth siding with her if her actions were so good. Leonie deadass calls you a traitor to Jeralt, Ingrid says that you are not fit to rule Fodlan specifically for siding with Edelgard and the Empire after all she and they have done, and Dimitri questions you as to why you chose Edelgard and her “savage, bloody path,” just to name a few notable examples. You, as the player, are being criticized for siding with Edelgard. You say that the villainous actions are “NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters,” but what else are these reactions but characters addressing your villainous actions?

And like... “a route where one of the villains is the protagonist” bro that’s a villain route. Like. I’m not trying to be mean, but I am genuinely confused as to what you were trying to get at here.

Like. In a vacuum? I might can get the idea of CF not being a villain route a little better, were it the only route available (though even that is a very big stretch). But you have three whole other routes where there’s no conquest, there’s no working with TWS, there’s no using Demonic Beasts, there’s no killing/exiling the remaining (immediately known) Nabateans, there’s no continuous and long-standing lies that never get outed, the lords never stay flat out wrong about the events of the game, non-recruited characters aren’t shooting Byleth up the ass with accusations of being a traitorous lemming who’d follow Edelgard off a cliff... and they achieve peace. Those endings, with Dimitri Claude and “Rhea” (SS ain’t really her route even though it should’ve been but ye), lack the following in any of their endings:

Censorship

Spying on the people

Constantly putting down rebels in secret

State-sanctioned religion

(mind, this last one is in direct contradiction to CF’s ending narration that says that Church is destroyed)

None of this happens on AM, VW, and SS. They all have peaceful endings. They all have Fodlan see the light of dawn, and that is never contradicted in their endings. CF is the only route to have all of these things happen in it - I think that’s enough for it to be considered a villain route lol

[nairdde32]

This Representation is Not For You: Boyfriend Dungeon, and why nothing will ever be "Good Enough"

Something I see asked over and over again in both online and real life spaces is "why can't gay people just be happy with what they have?" It's a question usually asked after a company (usually indie) releases some sort of media featuring LGBTQIA+ characters (hereafter refered to as queer because I'm lazy) front and center, and after said media is swiftly torn to shreds by the very people it's attempting to represent. But why? It's easy to say that those people are insane, or just plain toxic assholes (and yes, the people sending death threats are assholes, stop doing that). But something I learned in studying anthropology is that there's always a reason for people to act the way they do. It might not be a good one, but it's there. So why would someone do that? Well I think it's for two reasons.

First, expectations. Queer people are people. We're each unique, with different wants from our representation. Some people are fine with tragic endings (such as those in most period dramas), seeing these kinds of stories as a reflection of their own experiences. Others, like myself, hate tragic endings and I would give every single queer character unbreakable plot armor if I could and avoid them like the plague. Both are valid. Unfortunately, this means that no one single piece of queer media will be able to represent everyone. In many cases, this representation is not for you. And that's the problem.

Because there's so little representation in the first place. Yes, things are getting better. Representation builds upon representation, Korrasami walked so Catradora could run so Lumity could fly so on and so forth (again, it's not a competition). But compared to the amount of allocishet "representation" in mainstream media it's miniscule. People make a big deal of it, but when you compare it to the sheer volume of allocishet media, it barely registers. And a not insignificant part of that queer representation is um, really bad. For every Bentroy, there are a half-dozen Clexas and Destiels (and when I say "Clexas and Destiels" I am referring the absurd amount of queerbaiting not the ships themselves, y'all got done dirty and I am so sorry). For every She-Ra, there's a full dozen "Disney's First Gay Character"s. There's, just so little queer content out there, and people take whatever they can get. Even if what they get... isn't for them.

Which brings us to Boyfriend Dungeon. I'll be brief, as I haven't actually played the game (I just absorb fandom information via osmosis) but from what I understand it was marketed as a fun, happy-go-stabby dating sim. What people got, was a dungeon crawler that dealt with some pretty hefty topics (which I won't get into but again, if you are one of the people sending death threats STOP IT. GET SOME HELP), where you could also date your weapons. Or if you weren't into that, you could just recreate cat memes instead (Drizz't fans rejoice). And, for some people, this representation was not for them. Many felt betrayed, lied to. Even if it wasn't the developer's intentions. And that sucks. It sucks to be told something you're excited about is not for you, when you have so very little in the first place.

So what's the point. Well the point is that nothing will ever be good enough, someone will always be left wanting. And in the case of Queer representation, there's a lot of people who want very different things. And there's just simply not enough to go around. Even if a worldwide ban on allocishet characters in fiction was put in place (as we have moved beyond the need for such things), it would take years for the amount of queer representation to come even remotely close to what allocishets have gotten. It's disheartening, to say the least.

All that being said, things are getting better. Queer characters are gaining traction in mainstream media, and we're showing up more and more. Mostly as side characters, but it's something. And in indie projects well, you can't go five feet without tripping over a queer character! We'll get there.

Eventually.

[skania]

The Final Stroke: Thoughts on Haru's conflict (+Rin)

Okay so reading all the summaries of The Final Stroke Part 1 has left me with A LOT of thoughts. About Haru, about Rin, about Rin & Haru and how all the different character conflicts will be tied together in Part 2.

BUT since I have been waiting YEARS for Free! to feed me some juicy Haru conflict, of course I'm sinking my teeth into that first because peeling off Haru's layers has always been my favorite Free! sport.

It's been a long while since I've tried to get into Haru's head AND I haven't even watched the movie yet so I'm probably wrong, but here goes nothing. As per usual, it will be long and image-heavy because I can't keep things short and sweet to save my life.

Also, it's heavy on spoilers about The Final Stroke so please do not read without reading Fencer's summary first!

AND since it's basically impossible to discuss Haru without discussing Rin and vice-versa, please do also expect a healthy dose of RinHaru.

Utsumi: Indeed; it’s a path Haruka never would have chosen himself. But despite claims that he doesn’t care about winning or losing or scoring certain times, he’s always been attentive to Rin’s presence. [x]

Please assume there's a huge "IMO" attached to this whole post.

In Season 1, we saw Haru struggle to understand that the reason for his emotional turmoil was quite simply that he wanted to swim with Rin again.

In Season 2, we saw Haru struggle because he wanted to follow Rin into the Pro world, but he felt like he didn't deserve to do so because he didn't have a dream and thus, no strong feelings about competitive swimming itself.

Needless to say, there's a pattern.

In Season 3, the series kind of took a detour. Still, it did plant some seeds, the most important IMO being the following:

"After I hit 20, I will be..."

"If you ask me what lies ahead of me, I..."

"You can't survive without throwing something away. I didn't want to throw anything away. But I lost."

"Maybe I don't deserve to compete at the global level."

Road to the World adds some extra layers to all that by showing us just what else is connected to that fear of Haru's.

Because, what do we see after Rin tells Haru that no matter what wall [Rin] faces, the one thing that doesn't change is his desire to keep swimming with [Haru]?

We see the moment Rin tells Haru "aim for the world with me, Haru!". Then, the moment Rin asks Haru what his dream is—right when Haru finally felt free after achieving the dream he had that season, that of swimming with Rin again. Lastly, we see the moment Rin asks Haru "what will you do?" when it comes to choosing between swimming in a recreational pool, or the one used by the National Team.

Every single one of these moments brought Haru closer to his dream—and Rin is the common factor in them all. So when Rin tells Haru,

It's obvious by those flashbacks alone what Haru's answer is. He, too, wants to keep swimming with Rin in that world.

But before the thought can fully form in Haru's mind, Albert flashes through it. We immediately see Haru's disposition change, and the result is the most telling of all.

Just like always, the imagery is on point. Rin and his desire to swim with him give Haru strength and purpose and Haru clenches his fist—but this time, Albert seeps that strength from him until his fist goes limp. And suddenly, Haru doesn't know what to say to Rin anymore.

Because, what Albert makes Haru wonder, is this:

From my limited perspective (like I said before, I haven't watched TFS yet), I think that might just be where the heart of Haru's issue in The Final Stroke lies.

I think a big part of why Haru wants to win against Albert so badly is probably because he wants to prove to himself that he does deserve to be in that world—like Rin. That all his friends are right to believe in him.

And he feels even more pressured because he thinks he's running out of time.

All this pressure to win—not to feel the water better or to be the best in the water he loves so much, but simply to win before he's "ordinary"—does not let Haru swim freely. He doesn’t swim like himself.

He is probably terrified of his own limits and of how close he might be to hitting them, and this fear and pressure are binding him.

Moreover, while Haru decided that he wanted to swim in that world, the truth is that he doesn’t know what the future holds for him.

He has no long-term, tangible plans. Unlike Rin, who wants to win a gold medal, Haru just wants to swim "in the whole world". This, added to the fact that he thinks he’ll be ordinary by 20 and that he has not managed to beat Albert, makes it so Haru is basically blinded to what the future can bring for him. He can’t see that sight.

Part of the reason for this, I feel, is that the series has never addressed the big elephant in the room.

What exactly does Haru get out of competitive swimming, besides swimming with Rin? Because "swimming in that world" is nice and sweet and idealistic, but it doesn't cover the fact of racing itself.

I used to talk a lot about why Haru needed to find a reason to enjoy competing even when it isn't against Rin. That he needed to find a reason to want that for himself. I even thought S3 may finally go for it, but it ended without Haru finding meaning in that "world of wins and losses", as he used to call it.

Usually, he’d look at Rin to point the way forward. And it is knowing that Rin (and to a lesser extent, Ikuya) is there fighting with him and aiming for the world as well that gives Haru some reassurance.

However, from what we know from the summaries, Haru isn’t thinking of them when he swims. He is entirely caught up on needing to beat Albert because of what it has come to represent to him.

There’s also the issue of Haru’s competitiveness. Haru spent a long time suppressing it and only indulging in it with Rin. But he has always wanted to be the best in the water—the one who "feels" it best.

It wasn’t that he wanted to win, or that he hated losing; it was just that he couldn’t simply accept that there was someone who could feel the water more than he could. (x)

So when you combine all of this, I feel like Haru has lost sight of the most important thing—that instead of swimming just to win, like it’s a job, he should swim to feel the water he loves so much and, most importantly, for the team (with his friend’s feelings in his heart).

That way, he could swim like himself and the water won’t be sad nor lonely.

This all sounds like a lot and it is. Haru is all but suffocating under this weight.

So, when Rin comes and tells him that [Haru] will be facing Albert alone—that they aren’t fighting him together, like Haru hoped for—Haru snaps.

It’s not only that what Haru perceives as the biggest obstacle to his dream (Albert) is standing before Haru (alone) and Rin won’t be there to share his struggles, but also that Rin is the reason he’s there in the first place because Rin is the one that made Haru stop wanting to be ordinary.

He’s the reason why he’s gotten to this point and the reason he came into the global stage and ran into Albert. He’s also the biggest thing Haru will lose if he can’t win against Albert—because if Haru’s dream ends, he won’t get to swim with Rin in that world anymore.

And now Rin’s walking away from swimming free and leaving him alone with this beast of a swimming machine and with [Haru’s] own limitations. And Haru feels trapped. He feels bitter. He feels betrayed. Terrified.

And, of course, lost. Because just like Rin once said, "Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?"

So, he snaps.

And by burning bridges with Rin, the very embodiment of "For the Team", the one person that he has always wanted to swim with most of all, the one whose feelings he was still connected to above all—by virtue of swimming together in that world, by sharing a dream—Haru now feels like he's truly alone in the water.

Haru is essentially turning his back on the very reason he swims for—in more ways than one. So, he’s becoming a second Albert. Only there to win, not to have fun.

Because that’s the thing. Haru says he’s doing it for his dream, but since he can’t see that dream clearly, he lacks direction. All he can see is the immediate future and all that stares back at him are his own limitations—embodied by Albert himself.

Albert represents, then, the road Haru must not take. Haru can’t be all about becoming stronger simply for the sake of winning—and he must definitely not do so alone. Like Ikuya said in S3, if Haru isn't gaining that strength for someone else (the team), there's no point.

So, since this is Free!, Haru needs to go back to his roots and truly swim for the team once again. But I feel like he also needs to re-contextualize his dream and truly define what it entails, for once and for all. Which, if we go by everything we've seen so far—should involve swimming with Rin.

Only then will he be able to swim freely again.

There's A LOT of foreshadowing and things from S3 that will most likely play a role in that and I haven't even touched Rin's choice to not swim free anymore, but this has gotten really long and I've run out of image slots lmao so I'll just have to ramble about those some other time 🙇‍♀️

[morsking]

uhhhhhh to better grasp why rin is a host for both ishtar and ereshkigal and why sakura is a host for both kama and parvati you’re gonna have to read the vn since that is the only place where you will be treated to the different dimensions of both their characters and dispel any illusions and misunderstandings the ubw anime created (about rin in particular). i can explain it well but if you have the ability to, you should read the vn to really let it sink in and appreciate things more organically.

there are times in the anime where rin feels like a caricature of herself since she appears so confident and fun-loving and tsundere about it (the vn sometimes does this too but manages to balance things out a little better) that it overshadows how rin is also in her own way extremely repressed. 

rin, while fashioning herself the ruler of her own world and a competent genius is still someone shackled to her duty as the last living tohsaka heir and denies herself a more profound and fundamental happiness because she reasons so long as she is the tohsaka heir, she can never be sakura’s sister, and wrongfully believes that sakura has moved on without her and belongs with the matous oblivious to what zouken has done to sakura for almost 11 years because it’s easier to think that sakura doesn’t care about her anymore than to confront all she’s taught and has lived for for so long is wrong and that she has a chance to make it right. rin however finds ways to keep running into sakura just enough that her true desires betray her efforts at keeping her distance, and if sakura just said “you are my sister, please let’s live together again” no doubt rin would be so torn to hesitate yet so hopeful to as to want it to be real. 

rin’s apparent emotional independence and reputation is a product of her purposefully distancing herself from making any real human connections because she has no idea how to be emotionally available from years of stifling aristocratic conditioning. if she puts herself on a pedestal, it’s easier for others to not approach her and see through her facade. apart from that, as much fun as rin could possibly have by herself there is still something that will keep her from feeling truly fulfilled, and that’s the lack of opportunity (and emotional bravery) to reconcile with sakura. it’s also easier to forsake sakura and threaten to kill her when she’s out of control because acknowledging the horror of killing her own sister would break her own convictions and denounce her, and the tohsakas, as murderers and frauds. ishtar is that side of rin that finds being herself and living as the person in charge of her own existence. ereshkigal is the unhappy part of rin that yearns for more than what she’s been given but feels too guilty and too bound by responsibility to seek it out, and therefore denies herself her wish to connect with the person who would make all the difference in the world (sakura for rin, guda for eresh). 

sakura is a naturally kind, gentle, yet strong-willed individual who has experienced that which would break and utterly annihilate most at a spiritual level. sakura only survived what she did because her mental fortitude, much like shirou’s, is so exceptional she will always retain her sense of self even if pushed to the very brink of suffering. despite that, she grew up extremely bitter, depressed, and with a disposition that utterly gave up on the world that abandoned her to the point where she wished others to fail and suffer at whatever they endeavored. if her life was pointless and fruitless as to be thrown away, why shouldn’t everyone else’s be too? 

it’s really not until she met shirou that she began to change her mind and desire to have more than just numbness. a boy who just wouldn’t give up no matter how many times he couldn’t clear that jump, and accepted the outcome without regrets, second-thoughts, and self-loathing left such a deep impression on sakura that she wanted that thoughtless drive to live freely and greet tomorrow as a given to be hers as well. 

little by little the broken doll with lifeless eyes restored more and more of her inner kindness and good faith, both because she gained a will that did more than just curse, and because there was someone who showed her what a real home, a real family looked like so she’d believe in love and happiness again. but much like rin, sakura struggled to believe she deserved happiness. years of abuse crushed sakura’s self-esteem, and thought her suffering made her unlovable and unnatural. her desire to be both loved and pitied clashed against one another, and were also contradictingly one and the same. it would be easy to be pitied, that means she would’ve been right about her hatefulness all along and she can just fade away along with the pain her baggage might’ve caused others. but if she’s loved, then how will she ever make herself worthy of it? how could she ever justify to herself that she’s being given love that hasn’t been earned? and even worse, what if she’s given love that can be lost?

sakura hides all the things that risk her losing all the love she’s accumulated, a desperate selfish tactic employed by a scared girl deathly afraid to lose the only light she’s ever known. if all her anger, bitterness, cowardice, jealousy, scars, and self-hatred were exposed, what would shirou think of her? once he does find out what she’s gone through, she pushes him away. she really believes she’s done for and has nothing else to come back to. even as shirou keeps asserting he does still want her in his life, she keeps hurling all the terrible things she’s done to him and herself without him knowing: that because he’s kiritsugu’s kid she spied on him for zouken, that she used him to run away from zouken and shinji, that she tried to kill herself, that she’s not a virgin, all to get him to reject her for good while guiltily clinging to the hope that he will still choose to love her in spite, or because of all that.

even after sakura’s killed shinji by accident and transforms into dark sakura, a part of herself is weak towards shirou. a part of herself lashes out when he’s around because she’s still rejecting him hoping he’ll forsake her so he’ll live without getting hurt by her while also begging for him to see how much she’s suffering so he’ll save her, going so far at the end that she tells rin to run away with shirou, having decided to kill herself alongside the grail. rin however, sees through sakura’s attempt to earn pity, but in her own fit of duty-induced forced apathy threatens to kill sakura herself before sakura has the chance to wipe herself out (jesus, rin) rather than comfort her and tell her she wishes for her to live. rin though fails to follow through with her plan. just as she overpowers sakura, she throws away all her lies and embraces her sister, telling her how she really feels, and the very first sincere expression of love her sister has shown her in a decade is enough for sakura to stop dead in her tracks and crumble in grief until shirou arrives to save her and insist that she deserves to live so that all the suffering she both caused and experienced and all the people she devoured can be given meaning. this parallels into how kama as beast iii/L wishes to render all love obsolete by drowning the universe in love to the point where all love becomes meaningless and kama no longer has to be hurt by love, with their defeat marking a change in their beliefs about the world and themself.

parvati tells you as much that she’s taken over sakura’s good side. she’s the earnest hardworking woman who is full of benevolence and enthusiasm after her purpose has become clear. however, what parvati doesn’t understand is that sakura’s good qualities are intermixed with her darker ones and fundamentally cannot ever be truly separated, and that’s why parvati also connects with sakura’s tendency to hide the ugly things about herself out of fear she’ll be rejected, and that it’s wrong and harmful for her to do that to sakura as much (if not worse) as it is for sakura to do it for herself alongside all the people that could be affected by that dishonesty. 

apart from the obvious gross reasons, there is in fact a good justification for kama’s ascensions in fgo. their ascensions go from child to adolescent to adult to demonstrate that kama has a parallel to sakura’s personal growth. they are both individuals who, after being betrayed by their own kind (the gods and the tohsakas) and having their bodies destroyed (kama becoming the cosmos, sakura being devoured by crest worms and having her dna rewritten), have lost faith in who they were before and the world around them. kama starts out in sakura’s child body: the young girl who was sacrificed for a greater purpose and whose heart has been filled with depression, cynicism, and hatred for the world around her. their childish disposition however, marks that kama has truly been reborn and is going through the process of recreating their identity after it was shattered by trauma. 

when kama is in sakura’s adolescent form, that signals that much like sakura around that age, they still cling to some anger and bitterness, but have begun to ease into forming new connections and their desire to be identified with love becomes complicated as it is both heavily resisted yet profoundly wanted. it is kama at their peak self-loathing, directing hatred to themself as much as their child form did to everyone else.

when kama shifts into sakura’s final adult form, it marks the period where they both have had some of their faith renewed in their existence. while it is still very difficult for them to truly know what love is and whether or not they’ve earned it, they nonetheless make it clear they want to believe in it again with the help of the person they’ve placed their trust upon (shirou for sakura, guda for kama). as the god of love, for kama to learn what love is is for kama to once more understand what it is to love themself again, and like sakura at the end of heaven’s feel finish constructing their brand new identity and move forward in a way that their happiness and reforged self-confidence can dignify their suffering and make up for all the damage they caused others and themselves.

this isn’t to say that pseudos as a concept are inherently good or anything. they are still very flawed because when mishandled for fanservice (and it happens a LOT) they do far more to displease both fans of the mythological figures and fans of the original fate/stay night characters simultaneously than to appease them both by robbing all characters involved of their complexities. regardless, that doesn’t mean that these gods wearing the faces of these girls is entirely pointless, lazy, and thoughtless. on the contrary, these girls were chosen because of all the different facets they have that match their possessors’ demeanors and themes, and i hope that this knowledge can help people see the connection with more clarity.

[puppy-phum]

Atlas: Enneagram + DMBJ Characters (2/?) ↳ Type Six: Wang Pangzi

"Is that courage or faith to show up everyday? To trust that there will be light always waiting behind even the darkest of nights." x

@creatorsevents Recreate Your Creation: My old Enneagram + The Untamed -series x

if i was struggling to place wu xie, then wang pangzi gave me even more trouble. he could have fit with his brightness and brashness to type seven, and then with his equator tendencies even to type nine. i also hovered over type eight a lot. but i felt like type six still captured him the best as he is very much who wu xie (and many others) rely on when in a pinch. here some more thoughts:

the site i am using lists having security and support as the basic desires of type sixes. wang pangzi is a man who is very much like this: he likes having his loved ones close and comfortable. he wants ppl to have a good time and enjoy their peace as much as he wishes himself to be surrounded by such bliss to feel content.

"Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types."

pangzi is ready to die for those he considers his. the moment he takes wu xie under his wing, it's ride or die with him. same goes for xiaoge and liu sang and xiao bai, and even to piaopiao and her daughter. for him, there is no leaving a friend behind – and this is why in reboot, he never gives up on curing wu xie. his belief, his whole trust, lies upon wu xie. he will even trust wu xie when the man doesn't trust himself (or when trusting wu xie is a bit insane as we see in sand sea). in this case, pangzi often projects the highest levels of development for his type. level three says:

"Dedicated to individuals and movements in which they deeply believe. Community builders: responsible, reliable, trustworthy. Hard-working and persevering, sacrificing for others, they create stability and security in their world, bringing a cooperative spirit."

all of this feels so fitting. even when we consider just the iron triangle, pangzi is the heart of them. he brings them together, in a different way wu xie brings them together. he's the one who keeps their hope burning and often gets everyone to work together when things threaten to fall apart. he has faith in everyone – or who do you think got everyone to cooperate in reboot so that they could go stop wu xie from jumping off a cliff by himself? no one else could do it but pangzi. he just has that effect on ppl.

with his deep belief, pangzi is also a rebel. he will get vocal about someone doing something wrong or about disagreeing on something. he isn't afraid to point out his own dissatisfaction or distaste, and even louder he gets if someone mistreats his friends. he doesn't really care if it's himself someone is bashing – but if someone dares to hurt someone he cares about, he will rain hell. he gains strength from those he has supporting himself and so he's fierce when protecting them.

it can be a double edged knife, however. the biggest fear sixes have is losing the support they've gotten for themselves, and as they often doubt themselves and their own capabilities, betrayal is hard for them to take. we don't often see pangzi's worse sides, not like we do with wu xie for example, but sometimes they do shine through. the level eight of this type's development scale says:

"[They are] feeling persecuted, that others are "out to get them," they lash-out and act irrationally, bringing about what they fear. Fanaticism, violence."

i think the closest example, from what i can think of, is the moment in ultimate note when pangzi lashes out at panzi and xiaoge. it's said to be the effect of devil's city but it must come from somewhere inside of pangzi himself. he gets very worked up about being questioned and doubted, and feels utterly betrayed especially by xiaoge who doesn't take his side. another sign of this i think is the moment in reboot when pangzi learns about wu xie's sickness – and especially the fact that wu xie a) had not planned on telling him and b) had still told xiaoge. he feels that his trust has been misplaced or that he isn't seen worthy of as strong trust in return. he feels his support pillar crumbling and then turns into doubting himself and his worth which lead to anger.

when it comes to other traits he has, i thought about type seven bc of his positivity and love for life and its small joys. i would even go as far as placing his wing into seven (named "the buddy") bc he very much has that playful and humorous side to himself. we all love him for his endless jokes and optimism. type nine i see in the ways he wants to keep the harmony between his group of friends. type eight steps in in his tendency to not avoid confrontation. and even type two might be there somewhere, especially in his cooking. that is his way of taking care of people, his language of love, and it feels very much like a type two thing.

[miraculouscontent]

where do i even begin

The focus in this episode is all over the place and also on none of the right things.

Let’s just start with the obvious: they didn’t even bother showing Alya's reaction to Marinette being Ladybug. We got nothing. Marinette revealing her identity to Alya is supposed to be a big deal, but the episode brushes it under the rug and even seems to lowkey blame Marinette for not telling Alya sooner, to the point where it outright lies and has Alya claim that Marinette’s secret was responsible for all of Alya’s Lady Wifi appearances.

It’s not like I’m surprised anymore when the show blames Marinette for like--anything, but the fact that this season seems to brag about its continuity by being on a firm timeline and then keeps going against continuity is really irritating.

And speaking of continuity, the Adrien pictures are back on the wall with absolutely no reason given. Narratively speaking, the show put them there so Alya would see them and think of bringing up Adrien to get Marinette to take a break, but the show can’t just do that if it wants to imply that it has continuity. Worse still is that this is the episode featuring “Charm Bug” (does her form have a name? I just call it Charm Bug and continue to do so), meaning that “Gang of Secrets” (where there were no Adrien pictures) has to take place before this and “Furious Fu” (where there are also no Adrien pictures) has to take place after.

At this point, they might as well just confirm that “destiny” is a real force and the ladybug miraculous is messing with Marinette’s room and twisting her emotions to make the love square endgame because--yeah, that’s all it is at this point.

The other thing is that Alya shoos Marinette away from her guardian duties so Marinette can go comfort Kagami (let’s be honest, the best part of the episode was Alya being like, “but what about Adrien?” and Marinette was basically like, “what about Adrien?”), which sounds great, but then it all goes back to Adrien, because of course it does.

Not only that, but the episode mocks Marinette for worrying about Kagami. Not only does Alya doubt Marinette’s concern, but Kagami isn’t at all affected by the break-up and isn’t even touched by Marinette’s worry.

The thing is, I get where Marinette’s coming from, because this is the Kagami who told Ladybug in “Heart Hunter” that she (Kagami) and Adrien were perfect for each other to the point where Kagami prioritized her potentially getting together with Adrien over her friendship with Marinette. Also keep in mind that Marinette is Kagami’s only friend, and it makes total sense that Marinette would expect Kagami to be devastated by the break-up.

But because it’s Miraculous, the show makes Marinette look like an idiot for being concerned for Kagami, as if saying, “Silly Marinette! Kagami’s not like you! Kagami is a strong independent woman!! You’re just so over-emotional and you were ridiculous for being sad about your own break-up! You should be more like her!”

I also don’t like it because it presents Kagami as this character who really does feel nothing due to the show not letting her. She was angry at Adrien, obviously, but she was also immensely upset and it made sense when she put so much effort in trying to get him to return her affections.

Buuuut no. Kagami is just annoyed by Marinette’s efforts to try and get her back together with Adrien (it’s not that her anger isn’t warranted, but that’s all they let her feel instead of any genuine sadness over the break-up).

And of course, there’s no mention about Marinette literally trying to help get Kagami back together with Adrien and how selfless that is on Marinette’s part. Obviously I don’t agree with Marinette disregarding Kagami’s feelings (I do hate though how the episode refused to have Kagami explain why Adrien upset her, which would help Marinette understand because she seems to think there’s a misunderstanding/Kagami doubting herself), but the episode refuses to acknowledge Marinette’s good intentions because it’s Marinette and because she’s supporting Adrimi and not the love square, so they’ll make her look as bad as possible. This led to the fandom talking about Marinette and her oBsEsSiOn with Adrien instead of saying UM HI YEAH MARINETTE IS DOING A “HEART HUNTER” 2.0??

(The show also does this consistently, by the way.)

Another thing the show won’t acknowledge is that what Marinette does with Kagami is extremely similar to what Alya does with Marinette. Alya has ignored Marinette’s agency, physically pushed her towards Adrien, and locked her in a room with Adrien no matter how many times Marinette has told her no and that she doesn’t want that.

But because it’s Marinette and because what she’s shipping is Adrimi (i.e: a ship that interferes with the love square), the episode absolutely tears her apart for it. If Alya’s meddling was treated the same way - where she’d be constantly put in the wrong and punished for it - I wouldn’t say a word about this, but we know that’s not the case from “Reflekdoll” (where Reflekta targeted Marinette and Rose of all people) and “The Puppeteer 2″ (hey, remember when Alya did all of that and then it was the museum staff who did nothing wrong who got the worst of Puppeteer’s wrath?).

And this isn’t even taking into consideration that, once again, Marinette has learned something from someone else because they were never called out or punished or learned (originally being Adrien/Bustier where she “learned” to trust Chloe and see where that got her???), and then she’s the one who gets the heat for it.

Might I also add how insulting it is that the episode before this had Marinette saying that she “didn’t want to focus on love,” and then immediately afterwards, Alya is pushing for Adrienette and the episode itself won’t let anyone shut up about Adrien?

Like, this is the episode where Marinette does guardian stuff, gets an upgrade in Charm Bug, and yet the episode hyperfocuses on Aaaaaadrien. He doesn’t even do anything; he’s just a black hole that inhales all available attention and magically pulls all the characters towards his general location.

Then the episode keeps breaking its own continuity as an excuse to make things more about Adrien and also more about the love square, like saying that Marinette carries her disguises everywhere when it’s really just an excuse for Marinette to conveniently have the umbrella so that they can recreate the umbrella scene (by the way, the line from Marinette about “recreating Kagami’s moment where she fell in love with Adrien” is both incredibly forced and incredibly obvious because we’ve never even seen how Kagami fell for Adrien).

And when you already know how the show goes, it all becomes so predictable, which is a huge problem. By the time you hear Marinette say that she “didn’t want to focus on love” last episode, you already know what’s going happen. This episode reaffirms Marinette’s crush on Adrien, which is weird because it’s not as if there was ever any doubt in the first place? The show didn’t even try to convince its audience that Marinette was actually trying to move on, which gives the scene no impact when it happens. We already know that Marinette isn’t really in denial (she’s not stupid) and is very likely saying that she’s not in love with Adrien because admitting it hasn’t gotten her anywhere and she’s repeating something to herself is an attempt to make it true (which is a common coping mechanism for people with self-esteem issues/anxiety), so the scene is just for shipping fuel.

We’ve seen future episodes that show that Marinette hasn’t made any actual progress, hence being another piece of evidence towards my theory that the show does it on purpose to get the Adrienette fans to freak out when anything happens even if it’s reversed in the end. It’s particularly frustrating because it denies Marinette of agency yet again, with her saying something and the show then going lol okay but what if--

It’s gross, and made more so by Kagami watching Marinette and Adrien from a distance and saying that they’re “made for each other.” I’ve talked many times before about how the show is too lazy to have actual chemistry between the love square so they’ll just have characters say that they’re meant to beeeeee, so I won’t go into that, but really, actually think about what Kagami’s saying here.

This is the guy that, in her eyes, abandoned her repeatedly on dates and lied in order to get away from her. She stated outright that Adrien had disappointed her to the point where all of her feelings for Adrien seemed to have completely disappeared and she didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore (at least for now).

Yet, the show had Kagami not only say that line, but told Marinette directly that Adrien was perfect for her. This means either one of two things, neither being good:

- the show intentionally had Marinette do all this so that Kagami would feel embarrassed for Adrien and thus fix all of Adrimi’s relationship problems without Adrien having to do any work to earn her trust back (notice how Adrien in this episode is an “extra good boy” this time around, probably even more than they usually try - keyword: try - to portray him)

- Kagami’s opinion on Adrien hasn’t changed at all and she’s essentially saying that Marinette belongs with this guy who has hurt Kagami, betrayed her trust, and will probably do the same to Marinette

And obviously the show doesn’t think about any of that. It just wants to push for the love square. The only reason there was any focus on Kagami at all was to have a reason to get Marinette to go to Kagami, for Kagami to get angry at Marinette because - as we all know - Marinette “has to mess up and learn in every episode,” so there’d be a reason to go to where Adrien was, and so Kagami could become the next local shipper for the love square.

Marinette didn’t even get to figure out the magical charms by herself; Rena Rouge gave her the answer. It was like the show saw her doing guardian work and shoved her out the door because the only thing she’s good for is being part of the love square. Alya gets seconds of time shown with her looking over the grimoire to figure out the trick, which makes the whole thing underwhelming and rushed when Rena comes up and tells Ladybug that it’s essentially “just been about her” the whole time, meaning it’s just the show yet again being like “see, Marinette? If you’d just figured this out bEfORe...” (note that the episode never tells Marinette that she’s unnecessarily guilting/blaming herself)

But yeah, despite the episode not giving Adrien anything to do, characters talk about him constantly, Marinette somehow doesn’t get the spotlight she needs despite getting a power-up form, and the episode feels the need to constantly railroad Marinette exactly where it wanted to go, not for her, but for the love square, which has always been about not her. It’s already bad when the episode itself is bad, but when it has so much to throw in and delivers on absolutely none of it, it just makes it all the more painful.

[lucycola]

Spock being kind of betrayed by his love interest but after a bit of angst, everything falls into place and fluff is baaaack :>

Spock x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Language, sexual situations, daddy kink if you squint

Spock is a bit of a stubborn asshole in this one. He doesn’t like being lied to and will not stop at getting the truth, especially when he knows it’s about him. Spock may be a little too personal in front of Bones, but it’s an emotional situation. 

The buzz from your monitor diffused through the air, ringing in Spock’s ears. As low as it was it still brought him to groggily open his eyes. The whole room was wrapped in a soft blue glow. He sat up, hand immediately feeling the empty spot next to him.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly sure how long,” you whispered, hunched over the screen.

“T’hy’la,” he said into the glow, tone sharper than he intended.

You hurriedly flipped off the monitor.

“Spock,” you said, “I’m sorry I woke you.” You tip-toed carefully across the room and crawled back under the thermal blankets. Your boyfriend have better been thankful that you were extremely cold natured otherwise the mere temperature of his cabin would drive you out of the room.

“What were you-”

“I was finishing up some work for the lab. I dreamed of it and woke and immediately I had to do it before it slipped my mind.”

He could sense your deceit in the way your voice wavered, but it also did that when you were grieving. He moved to find your hand in the dark, but failed as you began to massage his scalp.

Were you avoiding his touch? he wondered.

“Sleep, Sa-mekh,” you gently teased him with the only word that could make his scowl at you, other than ‘papa’ itself. He did like it in bed, however, as much as he denied it.

You paused, thinking of the word critically, a surge of panic leaving your hands. He could feel it, “Tell me what ails you. Who were you talking to a moment ago?”

“Myself,” you quickly yanked your hands away. “I really am sorry for waking you.”

He didn’t bother turning to face you or to further question you. It would come out eventually at the test of his impatience or yours. Something was upsetting you-he felt the raw emotion even through the follicles of his scalp. He would take more time to ponder-more time to investigate.

“I shall return to  sleep - as should you. You should participate in your work on the alpha shift singularly as your sleep cycles will continue to be disrupted therefore lowering you work efficiency-”

“And yours?” you finished for him, half joking. “Whatever you say, Commander.”

x

“I wish everyone would stop treating us like we’re married, honestly,” you said, crossing your arms in front of Doctor McCoy.

“All I know is that I’ve got an irritated Vulcan asking me to scan you. He thinks you're hiding something from me and he’s doing whatever he can to figure it out before actually asking you. Something about not letting him touch you. I tried to tell him it was normal once a month-”

You gave him a playful swat.

“Forgive me, I jest.”

“How ridiculous,” you replied and then sighed.

“That’s a man’s pride for you. It escapes no species,” Nurse Chapel said handing you back the report.

“And as you are hiding something, I’m guessing, I suggest you go on out with it. He’ll tear the ship apart finding an answer.”

“And how I think he used to indulge in smothering me in rapid fire questions. That was before our first meld,” you said, fingering the edge of the padd not having fully looked at it yet.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t tried that yet,” McCoy said, “He’s already hunted me down once. I’m not allowed to say anything, but as a favor to me-”

“Bones-”

“Keep him out of my hair and tell him whatever it is you’re lying about-”

You turned the padd to face him and his eyes enlarged, first with shock and then with mirth. He let out a hearty laugh.

“Good luck with that one. I’d say he’s gonna turn green, but that’s normal for him.”

“Have you  talked to your mother yet, honey?” Nurse Chapel asked.

x

Why would you have spoken with your mother so late an hour? Was it purposeful because he had been sleeping? Was it an emergency? Surely you would have told Spock.

He had already extracted the call log from his comm, even though the data had been private and locked under your information. You would fuss at him later he already knew, but this little inkling in the back of his mind reminded him. That raw feeling he felt through your hands. It terrified you. You were scared of something.

You were lying to him. You had lied to him. You had not been speaking to yourself. You had been speaking to your mother. He supposed he could contact your mother, but you two had never formally been introduced and some parties might find that offensive.

You were eating less and less and sleeping with him less and less. You weren’t being as intimate as you usually were either and that was most alarming. Not because it was a requirement to Spock, but because it was a deviation of your behavior. Spock didn’t usually adopt Terran colloquialisms, but once after sucking him off in the lab in the middle of a gamma shift he called you a ‘dirty bird’. He always made you blush when using Terran phrases and slang.

Was it something he did? It seemed he was always doing something, but Spock could honestly not place something accidentally offensive or insulting he might have said. You were pretty good at pointing out when he was too candid or too critical. He was good at pointing out when you were too emotional and too...well too human.

Yet he relished in every bit of that-and so did you, or so he thought you had.

So what was it?

Spock didn’t chew on his nails, but found himself letting the edge of his thumb rest in his teeth.

A familiar warm hand clapped him on the shoulder.

“Look alive, Spock,” the captain playfully chided.

“I assure you captain I am in no way deceased.”

x

You were pregnant. It was that simple. Yet, it didn’t feel simple at all. You wouldn’t hardly let Spock even touch you for fear of finding out. You were terrified of his response.

You were puking in the bathroom and had called your mother immediately. It was the second week in a row and Christine’s labs proved it.

You had a bun in your oven. You could see Spock giving you the quizzical brow at the use of the expression. You could see yourself fussing a little, telling him you knew that he knew exactly what that phrase meant and to stop acting like he didn’t.

It was true what you had said to Bones.

You two weren’t married. It was perfectly normal to have a child out of wedlock- that was, on Earth. You hadn’t even met his parents. What would they say? It would only be a fourth Vulcan. He didn’t speak fondly of his father and whenever prompted you could practically read how sour their relationship was. His father had to be fond of humans to some extent-his wife was human after all.

Would other Vulcans shame Spock? Would they shame your baby?

You heard a buzz from the comm. You got up out of bed and walked over.

“McCoy to Yeoman L/N.”

“Yes, doctor?”

“I’ve got a green-blooded devil down here demanding your presence.”

You groaned into your fist.

“You can’t make me.”

“Please.”

It was the first time you ever heard Spock say that. The tone was nearly pitiful as it was on edge.

x

“You can’t make anyone get a scan, Spock. She doesn’t even work in your division,” Bones said once you arrived.

“She has not been eating, sleeping, nor participating in the normal intimate recreations. Her behavior is off and her pallor has changed considerably,” Spock argued.

“That’s not of anyone’s business, Spock,” you said, appalled. He was being...so unlike himself. It was even weirder that it was in front of Bones. Spock would rather eat his hat than be any kind of vulnerable in front of...well anyone. 

“He’s...he’s just worried about you,” Nurse Chapel offered politely from afar.

You groaned, “I wish everyone would just stay out of it. I’m not ready for this.”

“Well you should’ve thought about that before you...uh” Bones started but immediately stopped when you shot him daggers, “Spock, why don’t you just ask her?’

“She has deceived me once before. I do not trust her again to be candid. She is either emotionally upset with a matter and does not want to tell me because it concerns me or she is ill and is emotional about such and does not want to tell me. Either way I am...most concerned.”

It seemed Spock would be eating his own hat later. You could feel the heat rise in your cheeks. Was he really this worried? 

“Spock...”

He turned to you, “I apologize for involving the doctor but I do not like it when you lie. Especially when I can be of assistance.”

You could feel water brimming at your lashes. “You’re so smart, Spock. Just so damn smart I hate it.”

You sat on the edge of one of the stretchers, tears dribbling down your face.

“Now, look what you’ve done, you ass!” Bones said angrily, “Out of my bay this instant.”

Spock ignored him and knelt down in front of you.

“I can help. And if I can’t we will find a way, ashayam.”

You looked up at him. “I am upset with something...and I am sick and it does have to do with you. Both of your guesses were right.”

You held out a hand. He assumed it was to meld, but it wasn’t so as you only placed his hand palm down on your still flat abdomen.

His eyes widened. “Y/N...”

“I know I lied about talking to my mother. I was just afraid you would find out and I wasn’t... I just don’t think we’re ready. I want to be ready, but I don’t know if you’re ready. We’re not married and I don’t want to cause trouble for you on Vulcan.”

He stared at your stomach for a long time, hand unmoving.

“I do not care what others think of me on Vulcan. I do not care what they think of my t’hy’la or my child,” he said with a tone of finality, “I only care what you think. If you are not ready I will not force you to beget my children.”

“Are you ready?” you asked.

“I do not think a parent ever truly is. My mother once spoke those words to me,” he admitted, “But it is not my say in the matter whether you choose to carry out the pregnancy. Do you wish to terminate the pregnancy?”

“No, Spock.”

He rubbed your stomach gingerly, “I am sorry for my behavior, ashayam. It was most ill-mannered of me. The mother of my child deserves better treatment.”

You placed your hand over his while it was still on your stomach, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t lie to you.”

“Well, well,” the doctor spoke up from the awkward silence beside his nurse, “I guess we ought to pass around cigars now?”

It seemed you both had forgot that Bones and Christine were still even there, witnessing the sappy moment between you two. 

Spock repaired that easily. 

“I will not allow my t’hy’la to engage in such a habit or for those surrounding her to do so. Certainly, doctor, you do not permit such unhealthy behaviors to pregnant persons.”

You laughed and Bones rolled his eyes.

Another day on the Enterprise, you thought. Another day.

tagged: @groovyfluxie @dontgivedeath @lumar014 @pringtella @moonchildlonan @superninjapervert420 @love-wanderlust15 @ischysiaclark​@imyourspacegirlfriend @hiddlestonme @fandoms4ever97 @mywellspringoflife​ @rebelchild93 @nilalunis16​

[jamesgalgano]

CIRCUMSPECT

CIRCUMSPECT By james a. galgano

THERE IS THIS ROUND ABOUT WAY OUT OF ONE’S HEART YOU MAKE A WRONG TURN AND IT WILL TEAR YOU APART AND LEAVE DESTRUCTION ALONG YOUR PATH TO TOMORROW FOR THAT MOMENT OF WONDER COMES A WORLD FULL OF SORROW WAS IT WORTH THE PRICE FOR ALL THAT YOU BEGGED AND BORROWED AND LIED YOUR WAY THROUGH TO RECREATE THIS BLUNDER IN THE MAKING CALLED YOU

LIKE THERE IS A CHANCE TO MAKE ALL DREAMS COME TRUE WHO ARE LYING TO NOW AND WHAT WILL YOU DO BUT DIE TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT IT MIGHT BE BETTER THAT WAY BUT HOW CAN IT BE YOUR LIFE IS MORE THAN MISTAKES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE THERE IS SOMETHING MORE THAN ALL OF THIS THAT IS NOT OF YOUR MAKING SO WHY LIE ANYMORE WHOSE HEART BUT YOUR OWN WILL YOU BE BREAKING

DON’T BE CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT OF WHAT WILL NEVER BE THERE IS MUCH MORE THAN THIS FAUX DESTINY SO IMPOLITE AS IF YOU WERE A BOUQUET OF NAILS SEARCHING FOR A CROSS TO HANG YOUR SELF INFLICTED SORROW TONIGHT FOR WHAT IT COST WAS IT WORTH THE PRICE FOR THE INTEGRITY LOST BY DAWNS EARLY LIGHT WHO ARE YOU KIDDING BUT ONLY YOUR SELF LIKE A FOOL ON A HILL SO CIRCUMSPECT WITHIN YOUR DELUSION BEGGING YOUR PARDON FOR EACH INDISCRETION OR INTRUSION UPON OTHERS FAUX DREAMS LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT IT IS CRACKED UP TO BE IN BETWEEN

SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS TRULY OF YOUR MAKING BUT WHY ARE YOU TO BLAME FOR WHAT OTHERS ARE TAKING TO BE THE GODS HONEST TRUTH AFTER ALL THEY ARE ONLY WORDS YOU HAVE ONLY WRITTEN TO BE OF SOME USE TO RELIEVE YOUR GUILT SEARCHING FOR A DOOR TO PASS THROUGH TO BE WHERE YOU NEVER WERE BEFORE ALL THIS CAME DOWN LIKE A MEESAGE ON BROEN WINGS OF A BIRD THAT COULD NEVER FLY OR FOR THAT MATTER SING

AS IF YOU HAD AN OPTION AS IF YOU HAD A CLUE WERE YOU THAT SO FOOLISH WERE YOU SO UNTRUE OR WILL YOU LIKE ALL OTHERS SEARCHING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO WHAT YOU COULD DO TO MAKE IT TO TOMORROW WHERE EVER THE PATH WOULD LEAD BEYOND HOPE OR PRAYER SEARCHING FOR AN ANSWER SO OFTEN NEVER THERE TO DISMISS OR DISSUADE THAT FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT OR BEING BETRAYED

THIS IS THE ROAD OF LIFE PAVED IN BLUNDER OF YOUR OWN MAKING EACH STEP THAT YOU TOOK TOWARD A GOAL SO OFTEN MISTAKING WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HAD YOU BEEN HONEST AND TRUE BUT YOUR ONLY HUMAN FILLED WITH THE IMPERFECTIONS AND MISCUES HOPING FOR SOME OUTSIDE HAND TO GUIDE YOUR WAY YET NEVER REALIZING UNTIL THE END YOU WERE ONLY BEING LEAD ASTRAY

SO HERE IS WHERE IT ENDS AS QUICKLY AS IT BEGAN ONCE UPON A TIME FROM BABY CRY COMING INTO LIGHT TO AGED MIND WELCOMING NIGHT LOOKING BACK IN ANGER OR MAYBE GUFFAW WAS THIS YOUR PLAN OR IN CIRCUMSPECT WHAT YOU SAW YOUR LIFE WOULD LEAD HOW COULD YOU BE SO MISTAKEN OR SO ILL CONCEIVED THAT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HOODWINKED BY WHAT YOU BELIEVED ONCE UPON A TIME WHEN YOUR DREAMS INTERSECTED WITH WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN BUT NEVER WAS BY DESIGN

[sommniac]

a theory about ‘deja vu’ by dreamcatcher

I first heard of Dreamcatcher in 2019 after the release of Piri. I’ve always been an avid fan of rock music and was intrigued by a girl group that had a discography renown for that very genre. It wasn’t hard for me to fall in love with them. My first regular (read: non-Japanese) comeback with them was Deja Vu. Unfortunately, it would also be Handong’s last comeback until this year. In honor of her return and her birthday, I have decided to honor Deja Vu with a theory that I’ve been sitting on for the last two years.

My theory is heavily based on the Dreamcatcher cinematic universe so I’ll go over it quickly for those who are unfamiliar. The girls all used to attend a boarding school but, one day, Jiu found a spider in the woods and captured it. The other girls, namely Yoohyeon, tormented the poor creature. And then odd things started happening. The spider turned out to be a witch who transported them into a sort of parallel universe where they existed on the physical plane as ghosts only. They all escaped when they stole a book from a ghost hunter and trapped him in the other world in their stead. Alas, their freedom was short lived as the witch hunted them down. To escape, they had to sacrifice and abandon one girl: Yoohyeon. She then haunted them through their nightmares, possessed by the spirit of the witch.

Deja Vu is a peek into her head. 

Note: Every single gif is from @7nsomnia at https://7nsomnia.tumblr.com/tagged/mv%3A+deja+vu. She has a lot of really good dreamcatcher mv gifs and I would highly recommend checking her out :)

The music video open with Yoohyeon approaching a dais and the throne atop it. She sits down and closes her eyes, allowing thick black smoke to entirely engulf her. This represents her entering the mindscape we’re about to view.

The following lyrics match the idea I presented in my intro: that Yoohyeon is hurt because of her friends’ betrayals. “Far away through the dense fog / The far path I departed on only left hurtful marks / Even as I try to grasp the ends of the dream eventually, longer and longer, / I fall asleep in a deep silence.” In the context of this video, these words seem to describe Yoohyeon’s initial reaction to being abandoned. She’s just sad and confused, trying to process her newfound loneliness in this “dense fog.” She’s starting the deja vu process, reliving the pain that initially plagued her. We get a visual depiction of this in the next scene.

Yoohyeon seems to see Jiu as a symbol of her betrayal and the blonde girl appears multiple times in this way. This is likely due to her blaming Jiu for catching the spider that cursed them. In this scene, we witness Yoohyeon lying on the floor, staring at Jiu who’s leveling a sword at her. In Yoohyeon’s eyes, we see nothing but confusion and sadness as one of her closest friends so brazenly double crosses her. Once again, the lyrics reflect Yoohyeon’s emotions. She laments that “It grows more painful every day,” lending credence to the theory that everything she’s witnessing is repetitive, part of a groundhog’s day type loop.

The betrayal scene is broken up by a recreation of the last supper, the girls all standing at a table filled with food. Jiu stands next to Yoohyeon, just as Judas sat next to Jesus.

Between this moment and the next chorus, the lyrics only further develop this regret and sadness. “Oh Deja Vu Oh Deja Vu Oh Deja Vu” kicks off the chorus, the repetition of the words “Deja Vu” reinforcing the idea that this is happening over and over again. The rest of the chorus is filled with pain and a desire for change to what had previously happened. The next verse elaborates on this further: “I want these moments to all be false / I hope these are passing delusions / If through wet tears, / through belated regrets / If only I could return, return yeah.”

Again, at the start of the prechorus, Jiu raises her rapier to point at Yoohyeon over the same lyrics. However, there are some very noticeable deviations from the first time. It can be assumed that this betrayal is taking place numerous cycles later as the castle is comparatively decrepit. Banners are stripped from the rods they hung from, the window behind them has been entirely removed, columns are collapsed, and vines twist over the dais, reclaiming the now defunct palace for nature. Looking to the girls themselves, the differences are even more prominent.

For starters, the two have switched places. Where Yoohyeon once laid, Jiu stands in a fluffy, light pink gown. A flower crown adorns her curls. This is a stark difference from her all black dress in the first cycle. Yoohyeon has changed even more. She now dons the black outfit Jiu had forgone, replacing her pure white ballgown. Her crown is gone and she no longer cowers on the floor. Instead she kneels, back straight, gaze unwavering. She is no longer afraid of betrayal, instead expecting it and facing it head on.

Yoohyeon is encircled by her friends, looking around in what seems to be confusion. They all stare at her coldly and fade in and out of existence, implying one of two things. One, that she sees them when they aren’t really there. Two, she’s actually watching them appear and disappear and this represents how she saw them all abandon her repeatedly. Both of these interpretations connect to my theory, that she’s in a mindscape created by the spider witch and she is hallucinating everything happening: her friends abandonment of her over and over and over again.

Yoohyeon lies in a coffin lined with blue roses at Jiu points her sword at her. Then, the roles are reversed and Jiu is the one lying in the coffin with Yoohyeon leveling the rapier. Blue roses have several meanings, including unattainableness and manipulation. In this scenario, they could be referencing how Yoohyeon is being manipulated by the spider witch into believing she could never amicably reunite with her friends. Instead, she must kill them for revenge. This position change references something later in the video (I’ll explain further once we get there). It shows Yoohyeon taking the power from Jiu, becoming the antagonist rather than the victim. No longer is Jiu the one who betrays Yoohyeon, instead Yoohyeon is crossing her before she has the chance.

Once again, we watch all of Yoohyeon’s friends vanish. It’s a cruel reminder that she’s all alone.

This scene offers a continuation of the second chorus. Jiu releases her sword, letting it clatter on the floor, handle pointed to Yoohyeon. She then turns and runs, seemingly afraid of Yoohyeon. And not for no reason. The other girl immediately snatches it up and chases after Jiu, seemingly intent on killing. This is where the coffin scene sees relevance once again as the roles reverse. The naive, scared girl that Yoohyeon once was has been replaced by a cold hearted ruthless queen.

At the end, we get to see what the world really looks like. As Yoohyeon has been trapped in her own mind, reliving the same moment over and over again, the once beautiful castle around her has crumbled to nothingness, time eroding every inch of it until there was nothin left. And Yoohyeon sits above it all, queen of destruction and rubble.

But despite the ruins, Yoohyeon sees none of it. The video ends with her sitting on her throne in a mostly intact palace, implying that she is still trapped in that mindscape that has tortured her so, suffering from eternal deja vu.

——————————————————————————————-

Happy Birthday Dongie!!! I love you sm and I’m so glad you’re back and I’m ecstatic you can celebrate your birthday with your members again!!!!!!!!!! <3

[k-s-morgan]

I'm a Reddit lurker, no account, and since the Netflix update am posts daily here and in reddit. A recent post on S3 caught my attention. Don't you feel that in S3 Hannibal's struggle at 'moving on' in Italy was far more intense that Will's? I agree with that poster that Will looked ok - readily gets married.. wife, kid. There were subtle things, true not touching, weak communication but he could have carried on fine. I didn't see him suffering the way Hannibal was. And felt angry at him.

Hello! Oh, I definitely agree that Will is frustrating to the point of being maddening. I think it goes back to his versus Hannibal's ways of expressing emotions. Will's been spending the majority of his life in denial in several respects at once, and his feelings for Hannibal is something he struggles with displaying. However, I think we still see enough of his struggles, and I don't believe he would ever succeed in carrying on without Hannibal indefinitely.

Will's journey is divided into 2 parts in S3: post-Mizumono and post-Digestivo.

Post-Mizumono

In the first part, Will is operating under the knowledge that Hannibal loves him, and his emotions come to the surface more openly. He can't and doesn't want to move on: the first thing he does upon waking up is voicing his pain at Hannibal leaving him to die, then berating himself for lying to him, then realizing Hannibal left him alive deliberately and that he wants to be found. Will begins to analyze their conversations and quickly figures out where he should go to look for him. After being released from the hospital, he starts building a boat to travel to Hannibal by sea. The nature of this action is romantic by itself - also, this scene is intercut with his Mizumono memories, namely, with Hannibal's face that emerges every time he moves yet another part of the engine. This is a vivid demonstration of Will trying to repair what is now broken. He openly admits to Jack that he wanted to run away with Hannibal.

Similarly, Will spends some time sitting in Hannibal's empty house. When Alana tries to reach out for him, he rejects her soundly and asks her to leave. He basically admits that he still loves Hannibal in their conversation, telling Alana about their pact of ignoring "the worst in one another in order to continue enjoying the best." These instances show that Will is pining hard, that his feelings are so intense that he no longer even bothers to hide them from Alana and Jack. The whole E2 is Will's love letter to Hannibal - he's reverent about him, he thinks about him non-stop, and he tries to find him very hard, even literally chasing him down. He even lies at the place where Hannibal left him his "broken heart," as if needing closer physical contact.

Things begin to shift as Will meets Chiyoh. It deserves a separate meta, but I feel like Will starts drawing comparisons between them and comes to a conclusion that Hannibal doesn't love him after all. That if he abandoned Chiyoh, whom he was supposed to love, so easily, for so many years, without bothering to return to her, then maybe he's just not capable of love. Seeing Bedelia as his replacement just reinforced this idea, so Will returned to his bitter and vengeful state, hence his attempt with a knife in Dolce. The end of Dolce and the whole Digestivo put Will through hell, and by the end of it, he's absolutely done. A big part of him doesn't believe Hannibal loves him, and at this point, he's no longer motivated to find out whether it's so. Will of Digestivo is a huge contrast to Will as he was in Primavera: the hope, the glow are gone, he retreats into his shell again.

Post-Digestivo

Fast forward 3 years and Will is still a shell. He might be married, he might share some lovely moments and jokes with Molly, but he's not happy. The first time we see their family, they are apart - and not just apart, Molly and Walter are actually fishing, something Will loves, while Will chose to stay alone and brood. Jack comes to find him and that's where everything starts.

First, let's consider the fact that Will didn't hide away from Jack even though he could. If he truly wanted the old life to be over, he'd have moved somewhere where neither Jack nor the FBI would be able to find him, cutting all ties. He could do it. Instead, he remained more or less visible. Instead of kicking Jack out, Will allows him to share the details about the case with him despite his half-hearted protests. Will is not a malleable person who's easily subdued or intimidated: he might go with the flow because he finds it more comfortable, but he's more than capable of sending someone to hell, especially now. This Will is the one who lied to Jack repeatedly, who chose to beat a man almost to death instead of shooting him, who mutilated his body and ate it, using his suit as a trophy. This Will chose Hannibal over everyone else, ignored the fact that people like Jack and Alana suffered and forgave him, hinted to Pazzi that he might join Hannibal in killing him, coldly set up Chiyoh to kill or be killed, made a display from the body of a person who might have been innocent, for all he knew, and so on. So, this Will was fully capable of laughing in Jack's face and telling him to leave. He doesn’t do it.

More than that, Will told Jack to not show photos to Molly and then somehow ended up having him for dinner with them. In the middle of it, he conveniently gets up to follow Walter outside, leaving Molly and Jack alone. Like... come on. Will knew perfectly well what Jack was going to do. He *wanted* him to do it because he wanted to go. He was bored with this fake life, he "craved change", like Hannibal tells him later. Will manipulated the situation from the start, though how conscious this manipulation was remains ambiguous.

He lies to Jack about having to see Hannibal to restore his mindset even though we saw how perfectly he recreated everything just a few scenes ago. Will didn't bother to wait even for a week, he demanded a meeting with Hannibal right away. This betrays his impatience and his longing. Soon after that, he hunts Bedelia down and verbally attacks her. He's openly jealous and he's trying to establish what relationship she shared with Hannibal. "Is Hannibal in love with me?" is a very important question for Will because here, he finally admits to himself once and for all that yes, Hannibal does love him, that he (Will) does have complete influence over him.

So, these three years was Will taking a break from wondering about Hannibal's feelings, their history, and trying to pretend to live a normal life for the last time. A part of Will had to know it was doomed to fail, but he still gave it a half-hearted attempt.  He wasn't okay, though, and based on everything, I'd say he was getting close to snapping again. Maybe he'd live with his family for several more years, but the boredom would get to him eventually, and the longing to finally figure out whether Hannibal loves him or not, the need to be his true self and Become would drive him back into Hannibal's world.

We don't see the intensity of Will's suffering for the most part because we almost never saw him in any other state, so we find it familiar. He lived his whole life surrounded by lies, denial, and self-hatred. He's used to not being happy and complete. He was most open in the post-Mizumono period because he allowed himself to hope for something then. In all other instances, he's stiff and very reserved.

I'm annoyed at Will as well because his inability to decide on something and the whole miscommunication thing start to drive me crazy in S3, but I understand his conflict and I accept that he and Hannibal have very different ways of showing their feelings. I do hope that if there is S4, we'll get to see Will appreciate and love Hannibal more openly. Happy Will should be a big contrast to every other state we’ve seen him in.

[volperion-moved]

marinette lies in order to get closer to lila. she doesn't like her, of course not, she just wants to get to know her better and to understand her because if she can then she can figure out how to deal with her

so she plays devil's advocate about ladybug being awful and finds out that it's easy to get lila to be honest when talking about something she's passionate about. she's passionate about hating ladybug but marinette thinks to test her on what else she's passionate about. nino's shown marinette photos of chris refusing to leave lila's room, so marinette asks about the masks and posters on her wall. lila still tells some outlandish lies but with a bit of pressing ('no, really, where did you get that one? I want one too' and the like) she lets her guard down a little more and tells the truth, or at least if it is a lie it's less unrealistic and attention-grabbing. they spend some time getting ice cream and otherwise hanging out like normal friends and while at first lila claims she's done the things marinette shows her before with some celebrity, later on she's more comfortable admitting she's never ice skated before, etc.

[[MORE]]

adrien recognises the earrings lila is wearing for their latest photoshoot. as soon as they're away from the cameras he accuses her of stealing them from marinette. lila opens her mouth to defend herself with the truth, that marinette encouraged her to borrow them, only to bite her lip and scoff. 'they're a gift from gabriel' she says instead, to remind him to watch his tongue since she's got his daddy on her side. she shoves the earrings in a drawer when she gets home, humiliated. she was stupid to trust marinette, who clearly tried to set her up so adrien would hate her more the same way she set marinette up as a thief previously

marinette says she saw lila's photos on instagram and that they look great and there's a pit in her stomach when lila walks past, ignoring her. alya sees and asks what's wrong with lila and it's marinette's chance to say that there's plenty of things wrong with lila, the fact that she just stole her earrings for one, but she can't. alya not believing her has never stopped her before, it's just that she didn't realise until now that she thought things between them were different and it's embarrassing

ladybug and chat noir separate when they lose track of an akuma villain and when ladybug finds it she gets a call from chat noir who says he hasn't found the akuma villain but he did find lila who's causing trouble again. the plan is to lead both lila and the akuma villain to the park so ladybug and chat noir can take care of them both

there's a shot from adrien and lila's latest photoshoot where lila's hands are pressed against adrien's chest and she's leaning in while his body language shows that he's clearly not comfortable with it, which is probably why it was only posted on social media and why marinette's first thought on seeing it wasn't jealousy but of how nice the sparkling earrings looked with the fountain in the background. the shot's recreated here except lila's lips are on chat noir's and she can't even look at either of them as she uses her yoyo to lasso lila away from him and orders chat noir to take care of the akuma

she believes chat noir when he says lila forced herself onto him but her ears still ring as he goes on to say she had some kind of device in her ear and he just barely heard a voice on the other end. marinette just keeps thinking about when she talked to lila about the things she loved, chat noir wasn't one of them. for the briefest moment marinette thought lila 'loved her designs', 'loved her pastries', 'loved her-'... well.

mayura takes the ear piece back from lila and thanks her for cooperating for their plan and lila asks what she means since their akuma villain was defeated. her reply is vague and frustrating, lila started working with hawkmoth because he appreciated her cunning but whenever she asks him and mayura about what they're doing they treat her like a child who couldn't possibly understand so there's no point explaining. she doesn't let on how she feels, only says she's happy to help any other time they need her and makes her way home

at school marinette tries to talk to lila again and she's still acting cold but marinette hopes to get her talking by bringing up her favourite topic again. she asks lila if she hates all superheroes or just ladybug and lila says of course she hates ladybug the most but doesn't care for others. marinette's frustrated that lila's lying again and says chat noir is just as bad as ladybug because he's totally in love with her. lila doesn't get where this cattiness is coming from, only ladybug saw her kiss chat noir and she didn't say anything positive about him

marinette goes on to accuse lila of only being jealous of ladybug, it doesn't actually matter that ladybug embarrassed her because marinette's tried to do the same and they've become friends. that lila only wishes everyone thought she was perfect like ladybug and wishes chat noir loved her like he loves ladybug. lila's disgusted and reminds marinette that they're not friends and she's hurt because she thought marinette was the only one who understood her feelings about ladybug and now she's being compared to her just because marinette knows it'll upset her. lila's ready to storm off, to run away again but marinette pleads with her to stay

she's sorry, she says, she saw lila kiss chat noir in the park, she was hiding behind a tree out of sight and she can't stop thinking about it. lila rolls her eyes and tells her to go bother chat noir about it, then, she only kissed him as a prank and like marinette said, he's in love with ladybug. marinette shakes her head and says she doesn't care about chat noir or ladybug she just felt betrayed because, no, they're not friends, but she's starting to see that she wants to be... &maybe even something more

lila's stunned. it was very brave of marinette to say all of that and she can't deny the way her heart swells, but lila's not brave. she's a coward and she has to get out of there but at least she mumbles a 'sorry' as she's halfway out the door. she's saved by the bell because she gets a phone call from hawkmoth about his plan to lure ladybug into a trap is coming together and lila can focus on that instead of on marinette, easy...