#it used to be so bad out here folks
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*chanting* dan!gen!der! dan!gen!der! dan!gen!der! (crowd goes wild)
:') after years of booing. finally vindication!
#jam replies#anon#dan howell gender truthing#tarot#but truly genuinely. it makes me deeply emotional to get positive responses at this point about dan gender#it used to be so bad out here folks
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Every now and then I think about how subtitles (or dubs), and thus translation choices, shape our perception of the media we consume. It's so interesting. I'd wager anyone who speaks two (or more) languages knows the feeling of "yeah, that's what it literally translates to, but that's not what it means" or has answered a question like "how do you say _____ in (language)?" with "you don't, it's just … not a thing, we don't say that."
I've had my fair share of "[SHIP] are [married/soulmates/fated/FANCY TERM], it's text!" "[CHARACTER A] calls [CHARACTER B] [ENDEARMENT/NICKNAME], it's text!" and every time. Every time I'm just like. Do they though. Is it though. And a lot of the time, this means seeking out alternative translations, or translation meta from fluent or native speakers, or sometimes from language learners of the language the piece of media is originally in.
Why does it matter? Maybe it doesn't. To lots of people, it doesn't. People have different interests and priorities in fiction and the way they interact with it. It's great. It matters to me because back in the early 2000s, I had dial-up internet. Video or audio media that wasn't available through my local library very much wasn't available, but fanfiction was. So I started to read English language Gundam Wing fanfic before I ever had a chance to watch the show. When I did get around to watching Gundam Wing, it was the original Japanese dub. Some of the characters were almost unrecognisable to me, and first I doubted my Japanese language ability, then, after checking some bits with friends, I wondered why even my favourite writers, writers I knew to be consistent in other things, had made these characters seem so different … until I had the chance to watch the US-English dub a few years later. Going by that adaptation, the characterisation from all those stories suddenly made a lot more sense. And the thing is, that interpretation is also valid! They just took it a direction that was a larger leap for me to make.
Loose adaptations and very free translations have become less frequent since, or maybe my taste just hasn't led me their way, but the issue at the core is still a thing: Supernatural fandom got different nuances of endings for their show depending on the language they watched it in. CQL and MDZS fandom and the never-ending discussions about 知己 vs soulmate vs Other Options. A subset of VLD fans looking at a specific clip in all the different languages to see what was being said/implied in which dub, and how different translators interpreted the same English original line. The list is pretty much endless.
And that's … idk if it's fine, but it's what happens! A lot of the time, concepts -- expressed in language -- don't translate 1:1. The larger the cultural gap, the larger the gaps between the way concepts are expressed or understood also tend to be. Other times, there is a literal translation that works but isn't very idiomatic because there's a register mismatch or worse. And that's even before cultural assumptions come in. It's normal to have those. It's also important to remember that things like "thanks I hate it" as a sentiment of praise/affection, while the words translate literally quite easily, emphatically isn't easy to translate in the sense anglophone internet users the phrase.
Every translation is, at some level, a transformative work. Sometimes expressions or concepts or even single words simply don't have an exact equivalent in the target language and need to be interpreted at the translator's discretion, especially when going from a high-context/listener-responsible source language to a low-context/speaker-responsible target language (where high-context/listener responsible roughly means a large amount of contextual information can be omitted by the speaker because it's the listener's responsibility to infer it and ask for clarification if needed, and low-context/speaker-responsible roughly means a lot of information needs to be codified in speech, i.e. the speaker is responsible for providing sufficiently explicit context and will be blamed if it's lacking).
Is this a mouse or a rat? Guess based on context clues! High-context languages can and frequently do omit entire parts of speech that lower-context/speaker-responsible languages like English regard as essential, such as the grammatical subject of a sentence: the equivalent of "Go?" - "Go." does largely the same amount of heavy lifting as "is he/she/it/are you/they/we going?" - "yes, I am/he/she/it is/we/you/they are" in several listener-responsible languages, but tends to seem clumsy or incomplete in more speaker-responsible ones. This does NOT mean the listener-responsible language is clumsy. It's arguably more efficient! And reversely, saying "Are you going?" - "I am (going)" might seem unnecessarily convoluted and clumsy in a listener-responsible language. All depending on context.
This gets tricky both when the ambiguity of the missing subject of the sentence is clearly important (is speaker A asking "are you going" or "is she going"? wait until next chapter and find out!) AND when it's important that the translator assign an explicit subject in order for the sentence to make sense in the target language. For our example, depending on context, something like "are we all going?" - "yes" or "they going, too?" might work. Context!
As a consequence of this, sometimes, translation adds things – we gain things in translation, so to speak. Sometimes, it's because the target language needs the extra information (like the subject in the examples above), sometimes it's because the target language actually differentiates between mouse and rat even though the source language doesn't. However, because in most cases translators don't have access to the original authors, or even the original authors' agencies to ask for clarification (and in most cases wouldn't get paid for the time to put in this extra work even if they did), this kind of addition is almost always an interpretation. Sometimes made with a lot of certainty, sometimes it's more of a "fuck it, I've got to put something and hope it doesn't get proven wrong next episode/chapter/ten seasons down" (especially fun when you're working on a series that's in progress).
For the vast majority of cases, several translations are valid. Some may be more far-fetched than others, and there'll always be subjectivity to whether something was translated effectively, what "effectively" even means …
ANYWAY. I think my point is … how interesting, how cool is it that engaging with media in multiple languages will always yield multiple, often equally valid but just sliiiiightly different versions of that piece of media? And that I'd love more conversations about how, the second we (as folks who don't speak the material's original language) start picking the subtitle or dub wording apart for meta, we're basically working from a secondary source, and if we're doing due diligence, to which extent do we need to check there's nothing substantial being (literally) lost -- or added! -- in translation?
#translation#linguistics (sorta)#I love language so much#long post#subtitling#dubbing#transformative work#if you read all the way to the end - THANK YOU I am so impressed#localisation#this is not an academic essay but I still feel bad for not citing sources#low vs high context cultures and languages are concepts from intercultural communication studies#but idk how up to date that is or whether folks even still actually use them#I know they oversimplify things#but it helped me say what I was trying to here so shrug#languages#language soup#meta#language meta#fandom meta of sorts#thanks for the help sorting this out kayla <3#my nonsense
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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Before we call anon rude because let’s see it from their perspective, imagine getting an entire feast to eat. That can be pretty hard to start with so much that’s going on, but if they start with one thing they know they’ll like (aka one character they like) that can be the start for them leaping to other characters to finish the story and the bigger story. I struggle the same way to start book series if I don’t have at least one character that drives me to read it, it’s all about what can be the hook to push them through. Sounds like the anon is neurodivergent (just a guess) so they might genuinely not see it as rude and see it as a solution to even play the game to start with.
Btw absolutely adore the game, the complex and rich characters making them all so unique is amazing. The art is so pleasing to the eyes I love it!! I’m waiting for it all to get out at once so I don’t get too impatient. Shae however interests me the most, which routes will have the most lore for them? Will there be routes that give more lore in general based on decisions you make or do they all share the same amount? (I mean general lore not just Shae lore)
Apologies; we are not trying to accuse any asker of being rude! We are simply explaining our perspective as the developers / are trying to broadly encourage folks to dip their toes into other areas of the story outside of the main route(s) they're interested in, especially considering some routes will be made available sooner than others, and these other routes will likely contain additional scenes/lore of everyone's fave(s) regardless! We want to give each main cast member an equal amount of love (and lore) regardless of their overall popularity, so our goal is not to tut-tut anyone for having strong preferences for one character over the others, but rather to explain that you may be surprised by how much *more* you learn about your preferred characters in the other routes. That's all!
For Shae... Well, they were a foot soldier for one of the worst periods of the War. Lore wise, any other story that touches on the War will likely have content relevant to them and their experiences. ^^
#ask#clotho answers#edit/final note: we got a *few* asks on this subject and will not likely answer all of them for the sake of our followers' dashboards#but we also want to note that part of our encouragements here come from the fact that Flan/Keagan are our most popular characters by a lot#and we want to do what we can to gently nudge folks who may not want to romance the fem / nb characters into checking out their stories#despite not being into them romantically. this is half of why we have platonic routes to begin with#we recognize veterans to the dating sim world may feel less inclined to romance characters that don't align with their irl orientations#this isn't a bad thing. some people steer clear of dating sims altogether because they're aro or just not interested in romance stories etc#but the unintentional side effect of this is it has a chilling effect on developers even in the indie sphere to make less diverse stories#if Flan and Keagan are our most popular characters then they will be our most *profitable* characters in the long run#and as much as we would love to not care about money and just produce the story we want to tell#we live in a society (tm) and need to eat#if at the end of ndm's development we see that 90% of our engagement went toward the boys it is hard to ignore the financial incentive#to redirect our energy toward leaning into the 'tried and true' formula that assures we can buy groceries and make rent#basically what i am candidly saying here is capitalism is pretty bad for creative liberty unless you're already rich / able to self finance#which we are not. and currently none of the core devs make *anything* from ndm#it would be nice if it does turn a profit but that isn't a guarantee - which the team has accepted as a normal risk in game development#anyway this is getting rambly but the Point is that this goes beyond us wanting to make sure all sides of our story are equally appreciated#it is *partly* that - we do want players to experience the entirety of our artwork#but it's not just for our egos - it's so we can keep making art like this#i considered including this in the body of the post but money talk suuucks man#and i don't want anyone to think we're glaring at them in a holier than thou 'ah-ha! you don't want to play maeve's route because she's a#woman!' sort of way because i think that's a reductive way to look at things#people like what they like and there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that#but if you like that we're making a diverse story#with masc routes fem routes and nb routes#even if you don't personally want to romance x or y#it would help us if y'all play the platonic routes#we are trying our very very best to make the fem/nb routes interesting for Everyone so those stories don't get sidelined#and if you don't like them for their own sake - fair enough! can't win em all and we'll deeply appreciate that you tried anyway!
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#plusle#i think lots of people have a thing against plusle and minun. folks as a general rule just don't seem to like them from my experience#i don't really know why. i got to know plusle from pkmn colosseum and i didn't even know there was a minun#so the first time i ever saw a minun i was like. why is it blue. it's supposed to be red#but then again i also never used that plusle that you get in colosseum because like. sure‚ you get it already purified#but you get it at like level thirteen. when all of the rest of your team is probably around level 30. it's just not really viable#at the point in the game where you get it. it's way too low of a level. unless you wanna spend a thousand years grinding it up which i tried#to do in pyrite but they kept just targeting it and knocking it out so i couldn't get any XP on it. and XP share was either bad or non-#existent at that point i believe so i just kinda left it in the box. i tried to catch every shadow pokémon anyway so y'know#didn't really need it. i also don't remember why they give you a plusle anyway. in the plot. i just remember it being like. a gift pokémon#and it being level 13 which is way too low. so here's plusle i'll have way less to say about minun
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Hello, Neighbor!
[Transcript Below]
Pallomine
"The tiniest neighbor in Welcome Home, Pallomine Playful has plenty to learn! They never grew out of their baby-face, nor the curious and excitable attitude that came with it. While they may not always be able to sing along with their neighbors, their trusty crayons are there to spell out the rest."
According to uncovered scripts, Pallomine seems to be an infrequent visitor to Home. Something akin to a special guest character, not much is known so far.
In the show, it seems Pallomine was introduced to cover more sensitive topics such as getting hurt or a fear of thunderstorms. It is also of note that they are often depicted having a sweet tooth.
#pallomine playful#welcome home oc#welcome home#digital art#elliot doodles#hehe here they are!!#every1 say hello 2 Pallomine#4 folks who didn't catch it pallomine is a play on words of “pal of mine” :]#I'm really bad at writing and i had a tiny amount of space 2 write their info so I'll ramble here a little!#pallomine is selectively mute! when they aren't speaking they will use cards or paper to communicate#i would have made them use sign language but they only have 4 fingers and that wouldn't be the best at accurately signing#also!#yk how in sesame street & stuff where they have a “child” puppet play roles that a kid watching can moreso relate to?#like if they're talking abt divorce or saying goodbye or getting hurt? thats basically pallomine's role in the neighborhood#bc even tho they r an adult they never rlly grew out of lookin like a little kid so they get cast for that kinda thing#anyway i love them sm i hope all of you love them too#also that hello piece only took like half an hour im proud of myself 4 that#elliot rambles
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(click pictures for better quality - and please read the tags after if you can!)
(read more below)
#dandy's doodles#bfdi#battle for dream island#bfdi teardrop#bfdi td#bfdi flower#kin#why do i keep making teardrop comics? who knows#but yeah sorry for the bad quality and general doodley-ness. this was all very gestural. just trying to get a feeling out y'know#teardrop has been mean for the sake of competition... but now...#well. she never would've thrown lolly or gelatin under the bus because she was already so close to them#flower wanted to be friends - but wasn't. so td was willing to use her friendliness to her advantage...#i'd imagine after the fact that teardrop would feel kinda bad?#like oh maybe i am doomed to be self-serving and hostile and antisocial forever?#there's something to be reconciled here. between teardrop's desire for friendship and her desire for competition/victory#td will always want to win. they always want what's best for themselves#but now that bfb is over the competition with those folks is gone. there's no winning over them anymore#so perhaps in that little timeframe between the end of bfb and the start of her time in tpot td has the choice to be friends?#also at this point teardrop would totally have massive respect for flower for winning. so that's another point for flower-td friendship#and y'know... somebody just learning to listen to people... somebody just learning to be listened to... oh it's beautiful is it not?#and i don't know. i just feel like these two really would want to be friends but they each have these barriers#for flower: oh! i've been so pushy! i've passed her boundaries! i've presumed we're friends when that might not be true!#and for teardrop: oh! i've been so mean! i've taken advantage of her! i've made her think i don't want to be friends at all!#sorry i don't really know how to put this relationship into words but yeah. yeah :)
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I don't think it's okay to use nightow's artwork to make yourself some money selling stickers of it.
While funny edits and memes of official content are commonly made and sold by creators and I understand it is a topic of debate for many reasons, as I say in the post and on the page, it isn't about the money and I think I'd have to sell hundreds to even make much profit! I did a lot of calculations and the price is close to the supplies/costs/the size of the small print run/etc., and while I'm not the best at math, the cents leftover per sticker aren't adding up to much and--again, like I said in the post--will be spent getting leftovers in case of errors if it's enough. If someone chooses to leave a tip for running bookclub, I'm grateful, but a vast majority of people don't and that's fine and what I expect. The point is having fun and celebrating bookclub! The amount of people who wanted a sticker/badge of completion was enough that I really wanted to do something for you guys.
TL;DR: As I said in the original post, this was designed for fun, not money. Transparency is personally very important to me and I try to be as honest as I can whenever possible. Of course, I'm a stranger on the internet, you should take that with a grain of salt, but I do try to be clear about my intentions.
#Ask#If I had the funds to hand these bad boys out for free I would tbh#But it's not even close and I need some way to get them lol#So here we are#Maybe I could have chosen a better printer for a price?#But I had to count on a small run#And so far it seems like it's going to be a pretty small run so that was a smart move#Unless someone orders like. Idk. 100 stickers#In which case r u ok#And then the profit would be used in shipping lol#I also had to shift the base price up a liiiiitle higher to account for international shipping being what it is#And I'm happy I did because folks around the globe are getting theirs!#I am bad at math but I did try very hard#Because I want folks to be able to afford it tbh#Profiting off of them wasn't really a big thought but in retrospect I suppose I should have seen a question like this coming#I'm a wee bit groggy from waking up but wanted to address this asap#So if anyone needs any clarifications hmu#I don't know what kind of money people think I'm making off of $2 stickers and all the crap going into this project lol#But! Honesty and transparency
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#Nothing to see here folks!#Just an old bitch whining and being annoying about stuff - move along! Pay no attention to the hater behind the curtain!#Wrestling is Bad Actually#*Heavy sigh*#I miss wrestling#I really do#I miss watching it and enjoying it and getting excited about it and writing fic about it#But I just can't do any of that anymore. Tony Khan ain't letting me LOL#And I have boring real life adult problems and wrestling used to be my escape from all that but NOT ANYMORE!#It's just really hitting me today how much I'm in Fandom Limbo#I stopped watching AEW months ago because - to put it as diplomatically as possible - it is very much Not For Me anymore#And everything I've seen and heard since then has only confirmed I made the right decision there#But I don't currently have another hyper-fixation to fill the void#So I'm just stuck here desperately waiting for something else to come and save me from this nightmare#And I don't want to be a hater! I used to fucking LOVE AEW and I take no joy in how much I think it sucks nowadays#And I don't wanna be a party pooper either - I see everyone else squeeing about the Bucks or Junglecorpse or MJF and Ospreay or Bryan#And it's just like...I'm glad y'all are having fun - really! But GOOD LORD does none of that appeal to me in the slightest#Most of my faves aren't getting booked - let alone pushed!#And the few that are are even worse off because Tony's booking is SO BAD it makes me unable to give a shit about wrestlers I used to love#I feel like Lieutenant Dan on New Years - everyone else is having a grand ol' time while I'm just sat here like 🙁#I feel like I'm going through the fives stages of grief in regards to fandom at the moment and it is not a good time let me tell ya#So yeah - don't be surprised if I stop being a wrestling blog the second the new Dragon Age game comes out#Save me Bioware! You're my only hope!
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can we just like. leave each other alone at this point
#text post#if you like Izzy fine if you don't also fine just fucking. leave each other the fuck alone im so tired#use your block button liberally and stop messaging ppl with nasty shit#including the folks in my inbox who no longer care abt anon being on or not#i wanna think y'all are better ppl outside of this realm but telling me you hope i die homeless bc i like izzy is ridiculous#the messages are getting deleted and ignored as usual#this is the only post im gonna make addressing the latest round of incessant harassment in my inbox#some of my mutuals follow these folks so again. i wanna think they're just having a bad time overall and taking it out on me#which i would prefer folks not do but if even turning anon off isn't gonna stop you then go off i guess??#but your time would be better spent doing literally anything else#make art for the characters on the show you DO like!! talk abt them and spread joy abt them!!!#you'll probably be happier for it and so will i bc i won't have to constantly clean out my fucking inbox on here
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google search what to do if obsessed with somebody elses ocs
#fun fact#i was literally thinking of making this post like 2 days ago and it was Also abt sura back then#that drawing just reminded me of it so i had to make it immediately djkejdr#i originally thought of making this post because i was freshly learning how to use markers#and. one of the first things i drew was sura. i drew it /before i drew my own ocs/#it is bad out here folks#honestly this was originally just gonna be a general post because this isnt the first time this happened but no actually#this is a sura appreciation post now. her <3#nmoc: suranga fernando#pulp speaks
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happy almost birthday :o)
:) thank you!!! there's gonna be a bounce castle at my birthday party and every body is invited
#ask#catboygirljoker#ough.... the passage of time marches on.#on that tuesday i will be 25. fucked up.#i dont really do much for my birthdays honestly. besides my mom taking me out to a restaraunt to eat.#on the day of i just get a good pizza and thats enough for me#a friend did recently offer to get me a desktop computer. and the tower has been here since thursday.#im currently waiting on the monitor. which should arrive in a few days.#im. really bad at accepting gifts. that said. even after having accepted this one im still experiencing grief#the computers an older model. but it runs on windows 10.#im. internally scared to think about what it can and cant run. i even dread thinking about even finding out.#like. ohhhh how id love to play animal crossing city folk again... or even minecraft...#but im doing. my best. to keep my expectations low.#i really hope it runs emulators (gamcube/wii/ps2 era ones) well. i need to play dbz budokai again i need to look at zarbons model again#the monitor is 1080p. which i dont think ive ever had a monitor that high res.#ik that TF2 probably wont run the best. but i hope sourcemods run fine.#ill have to do so much re-installing of things....... ogh.....#it doesnt have a wifi chip so i think temporarily ill have to use a usb to connect to the internet.#which i can live with. ik theyre not as powerful but its fine. maybe at some point ill get a wifi card.#though. i dread the thought <- had internal ptsd thinking about touching anything within a computer again#tldr. had a good laptop. screen went dark one day. was told it was probably the cmos battery.#tried to do repairs myself. ooggh..... the horrible memories....#ik adding a wifi chip is incredibly easy. but that doesnt mean im not scared#anyway :) thank you for the soon birthday wishes
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youtube
But it's not real And you don't exist And I can't recall the last time I was kissed
#今日の気分は#songs I woke up with stuck in my head this morning#I am finally waking up after the sun rises which is SO needed#my current plan is to try to find a position elsewhere if I can (Operation Get The Heck Out of Here)#but I should look into those sun lamps folks use to ward off SAD because it's REAL bad in the winters here#and I say this as someone who lived in Boston for ten years and never got SAD#music#Lizzy McAlpine
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Now i know this blog is obviously for.. well. Front facing pokemon, but your tags are always super interesting. I think your opinions on pokemon are pretty neat
i've gotten a few asks like this so far, and it's always nice to see that folks aren't annoyed about how much i talk in the tags. i have lots of opinions on lots of things! and i like to talk a lot. the reason i started talking more in the tags is actually because of asks like this—folks saying they liked seeing what i had to say on particular pokémon has encouraged me to actually talk about my thoughts more (although if you regularly read my tags, i tend to get off-topic pretty quickly. i queue these up very early in the morning, as soon as i get up, and i'm usually a little delirious), especially compared to my first early posts on this blog which didn't even have any tags at all, beyond the names of the pokémon. you're one of the like 4 ffp-mod likers how's it feel
#not pkmn#ffp-mod? i dunno if i like how that sounds. i'm just like out here. i'm just like. a bitch. just like. a fucker that exists in the world#a pokémon just like the rest of you! right?#this also gives me an opportunity to say holy shit the blog hit 1000 followers? which is like nothing in the grand scheme of tumblr#when my man rodney realpokemon is out here with like 20k but that's a lot for *me*. that's way more folks than i'm used to#it's a good thing i'm not actually Making any content for this blog so i don't have to be worried about the output. it's just pokémon innit#if a pokémon looks bad it's nintendo's fault. not mine#anyway. thanks for sticking around‚ i s'pose—though it's not necessarily benefitting me very much‚ unless i turn on that “tips” button#but doesn't that just look so self-absorbed? haha yeah. my posts are good enough to deserve my followers giving me free money#some folks who are genuinely making content on here it's like. fine. but for me? someone who just posts pokémon staring at the screen?#i can't imagine anyone really seeing it as worth it to pay me for that#also holy shit i'm doing it again. the thing where i talk in the tags and make them a mile long. i'm cutting myself off here this is the en#clearly folks sending in asks is just my opportunity to continue talking more because i definitely always take the opportunity#to continue talking. and not stop talking. here i go again
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I’m ace. I’m very kinky. I’m a man. But I get uncomfy (I think because I’m ace) with physical affection in general. I’m not a great hugger. And even like… a peck on the cheek makes me feel anxious and viscerally uncomfortable. Because I have no desire to kiss or anything it always feels super insincere and makes me uncomfortable.
My partner is the most wonder girl alive. Truly. She’s perfect, no exceptions. She’s not ace and is extremely physically affectionate. And I’ve voiced my discomfort and so she’s stopped imitating the things I’ve said make me uncomfortable. But I can tell she wants it. She wants a boyfriend who kisses her wants to have sex and is attracted to her. And she says she’s fine, but I want her to be happy.
I don’t know how to compromise my needs and hers in a way where I’m not anxious all the time and she’s not disappointed.
To be clear this is mostly about the kissing. She is totally fine with a sexless relationship. And she’s also kinky so we’re both fulfilled in those ways. But small acts of affection… she loves giving and receiving them. And it sucks for both of us a bit.
Any thoughts/suggestions? From one ace to another? (I’m 22 and she’s 21)
oh my god dude this is like one of the hardest things about being ace like. i literally feel your stress over this like ive dealt with this. its painful. its so frustrating.
i think obviously its important to communicate everything youre feeling to her and let her know that you feel this way. tell her the thoughts you have. just be open with it, and that will (hopefully) encourage her to be open and honest with you too
also. i know exactly what you mean when you say that you can tell she wants certain things from you that you can't give her - however, i think its important for you and your relationship that you believe her when she says she's okay without those things. you gotta just try your best not to doubt her. because all that doubt spirals into insecurity and insecurity is not good for you, or her, or your relationship! if she says that its okay, then you gotta try to believe her and talk about it if you feel like you need to
open up, be honest. let her be honest too. trust her when she says she's okay, and offer understanding when she says she isn't okay. let yourself trust her.
you can offer her affection in a million other ways besides kissing or hugging her. and test your own waters; instead of a kiss on the cheek, is one on the hand more comfortable? if she asked if she could kiss you beforehand, would that help alleviate some of your anxiety? can you two just invent your own ways to show affection? can a hand shake count as pda? (yes.)
feeling this way is hard. it sucks. but i bet theres probably a ton of things you do for her, things you might not even notice, that she loves and treasures just as much as something physical. and maybe you putting more effort into those things will help you feel better on the doubting front. think of all the little things she does that you love and realize that she has the same thoughts about you, too
and youre good enough for her. youre a good boyfriend. dont get too lost in the sauce alright i'm rooting for you you got this
#its hard out here for us ace folk.#us ace folk gotta stick together#i literally hate every feeling u described btw like oh my god its so stressful lmao#just dont force yourself to do anything u dont want to. thats the worst#theres no reason to do that#be comfortable first and foremost#im sorry that my advice boiled down to Communicate More#but like thats not bad advice to be fair#communication is the key to the door of love. right#i just made that up idk#just do what allosexual people THINK ace people do and create a schedule where you give your partner ONE kiss every...2 months#babe its 2 pm on a monday come get your singular kiss! dont be late or else youll have to wait til next week!#i wonder if anyone has ever done that. and if it worked.
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vent post. There are two stories i was told in my teenage years that even before i had a real concept of trans issues made me uninterested in discussing the supposed sacredness and safety of separated sex-based spaces.
First, when i was like 13 or 14 my PE teacher told us about a time she went to a women's public restroom, some guy was hanging out outside the bathrooms, she didn't think anything of it, went to the bathroom, and he walked in after her and like, creeped on her over the top of the stall. She was ok, she wasn't telling us this to scare us, just telling us what to do in situations like that (and iirc she was telling the whole co-ed class this, not just girls, bc it's useful for everyone), but this taught me immediately and forever that there's nothing actually keeping these spaces separate really, that anyone can be a creep in any space, and that establishing a space like that as for women only isn't actually particularly useful for safety.
Second, when i was 16 i was at an anime convention, a friendly acquaintance of mine and i ended up in conversation outside, and he showed me his bare wrist and told me he'd been kicked out. A female friend of his had stepped in dog poop outside, and between that and the stress of the convention she'd had a bit of an emotional breakdown, so being her friend, he started comforting her and ushered her into the women's restroom so they could wash the poop off her shoe together. And because he was a man who went into the women's bathroom, he got kicked out, no matter that he was doing something that was actually beneficial to a woman. Punishing a woman's friend for supporting her was supposed to... protect her somehow? This made it clear to me that a no-exceptions rule separating the sexes like that wasn't actually inherently good for everyone.
And this isn't even getting into me as a child needing to accompany my younger sister to the restroom when we were out with just my dad because she had certain support needs past the age he felt comfortable bringing her into the men's room with him. And what if I'd been born a boy, or she'd been the first born? Who's helping her then?
And of course even putting all this aside, we should always prioritize compassion and support anyway. But i never even needed to meet a trans person to know that "keeping men out of women's bathrooms" is silly nonsense. But trans people also need to pee anyway and as humans they have that right, so leave them the fuck alone. your precious women's restroom is just a fucking room with a door, holy shit give it a fucking rest, if someone is attacking you in the bathroom that's bad and if someone is in there to pee that's good and it doesn't fucking matter what their junk is or was when they were born.
a woman could have done the exact same thing to my PE teacher and it would have also been bad no matter how "supposed" to be in the restroom she was, and no one should ever be punished for helping a crying friend wash their shoe.
Anyway i know I'm speaking to like-minded folks here, i just think about those two stories literally every time bathroom gender shit comes up and it pisses me off.
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