#it undermines their relationship at this point in the film

[broomsticksareoverrated]

Post one (1) gelphie movie take here because I'll lose my mind if I don't.

Galinda should have either been left out of the lion cub scene, or gone with Elphie and Fiyero. There's no WAY Elphaba feels more comfortable around this guy who's only redeeming trait at this point is never having actively been mean to her than Galinda.

20 seconds ago we were in the middle of "That may be your secret but that doesn't make it true" and "Look at you, you're beautiful", and you're trying to tell me Fiyero gets a pass over Galinda?

The correct scenario is, of course, that Galinda goes with them, because this opens up an opportunity to introduce Gliyeraba as a concept. In this essay I will-

[xxtc-96xx]

Found a Totally Legal format to watch Mufasa: The Lion King so as someone who was formerly deeply involved in the lion king years back it seems right to give my thoughts:

Jesus wept what have they done (there will also be spoilers see more to read my stupid rant lol)

Now I can see a few spots in the story that could have lead to interesting ideas, in a better story for sure. The problem is the story overall was incredibly cluttered, they rushed from one point to the next and didn’t let any moments sit and breathe. Kiara was cute but Timon and Pumbaa practically held the audience hostage every time an interlude in Rafiki’s story happened with the same routine of “why aren’t WE in the story???” Every time undermining any authentic moments with Kiara and Rafiki

The biggest gripe I have is with Taka and Mufasa’s relationship or lack there of. Aside from having a song saying they’re brothers they hardly have a bond at all that we see. Mufasa is forced to stay away from Taka in the short time they’re even in Taka’s home, Mufasa has a closer bond with Taka’s mother Eshe than he does with his “brother”

Even dumber that several brief lines, Obashi, Taka’s father, keeps mentioning blood bonds are all that matter and Taka kind of argued against that as if the lesson here is that there’s more to family than blood…..except we all know what happens with Scar so in the end his father was right, blood bonds are all that matter because it took next to nothing to turn on Mufasa and he murdered him later in life anyways lol

Even on their Land Before Time style journey that takes them to the pride lands I feel nothing towards Mufasa and Taka, I never once believe they had a deep brotherly bond of any sort. Which makes it even more stupid that all it takes for Taka to betray all of them is Sarabi deciding she has feelings for Mufasa and not Taka.

Mufasa even played as a wingman and tried his best to direct Sarabi to Taka but in the end the two of them bonded instead, and Taka flips the traitor switch instantly over that without even confronting him about it and from then on he speaks as his 2019 Incel murder counterpart, even confessed to Mufasa proudly of his betrayal and yet Mufasa and everyone else is stupid enough to just let him stick around anyways, every line he delivered post betrayal was said in the same way one would say “I’m going to murder every one of you and also you smell bad”

Overall a very frustrating and hollow experience, it didn’t feel like it added anything to the overall universe and now Scar apologists have more to work with despite the fact Taka in the film is terrible and hardly has any redeeming qualities XD

If you want a better falling out story as I’ve said before, watch Transformers One. You feel the bond between Orion Pax and D16, you sympathize with D16’s slow decent into a dark place and you mourn the lost brotherhood between Optimus and Megatron but still know that Megatron was still in the wrong by the end. I felt none of that in Mufasa

Also Mufasa’s dad never told him about the great kings of the past because he’s not a king, and the throw away line in the terrible 2019 remake Zazu said specifically for the prequel mentioned he knew a headstrong cub who was always getting into scrapes but Zazu didn’t meet Mufasa until he was a young adult XD

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Fully prepared for this to be a minority position but I am deeply emotionally invested in Paul and Chani not getting back together in Dune Messiah. Not just because I love angst and tragedy (I do) but because I don't think there's a way to do it without undermining the narrative and character arcs that Dune Part Two executed so well.

Paul and Chani's relationship in the Villeneuve films exists on a totally different foundation from what's in the books. It's a political love story and you simply cannot separate out the politics from the romance. Their connection starts with the politics and the love is built on top of that.

It's not just that they happen to fall in love while fighting together in an anti-colonial guerrilla war; that is why she falls in love with him. Because he is willing to take the same risks as her in fighting for her people's liberation. Not by trying to impose himself as a leader (at first) but side by side with her as comrades and equals. Let me fight beside you. That's all I'm asking. He is quite literally willing to put his body on the line for a struggle that's been with her all her life, that she cannot escape, but that he could walk away from if he chose. And in fact he proves himself to be an asset and not a liability in this struggle and they start winning. And yeah that shit's romantic as fuck!! Kudos to whoever on the writing team was like actually direct action solidarity is sexy af because they were right and they should say it! There clearly is some attraction or at least interest in Paul on Chani's part from fairly early on, but it's only after he's proven his political worth, in battle, that she allows herself to trust him on a personal level enough to begin a romantic relationship with him. (And it's only after Paul takes off the Atreides ring, the symbol of the fact that he came there to rule over her, that the narrative permits him to advance to this point.) They could have been comrades but not lovers, but never the other way around, because there's no other version of Paul that this Chani would have fallen in love with.

It's important that they meet in circumstances where Paul has no structural power over her. Chani never would have trusted the Paul who stood in the colonial palace and pledged to "honor" Stilgar by offering him hospitality on his own fucking planet. Because she would have known, just as Stilgar did, that such an offer of fellowship, no matter how genuine and well-intentioned, is not made on equal terms. It's only once Paul has been forcibly separated from his colonial privilege that they have even a chance to approach each other as human beings. (And, in a sort of dark irony, that violence becomes a bridge that connects them. That Paul is driven not by abstract power games among the Great Houses but by real grief and anger over the violent death of people he loves at the hands of the Harkonnens must surely be something Chani understands. And it builds a level of trust and empathy between them, that she doesn't have to explain the stakes of what they're fighting for. He knows it in his bones.)

It's not a coincidence that all their explicitly romantic moments are shot through with politics. Their first kiss is wrapped up in a conversation about what it means to be Fremen and I would very much like to be equal to you. (Yes, he's flirting his ass off with that line, but I do think he is sincere.) Their single post-coital scene has I'm no messiah, I'm a fedaykin of Sietch Tabr--not just a commitment to her people and her home but to her specific form of political struggle in which he is joining her. Throughout their whole relationship, the personal and the political are so interwoven as to be indistinguishable from one another.

This kind of commingling of emotional commitment to a person with political commitment to a culture/people/cause could have very easily slid into something tokenizing or fetishistic, but the writing manages to avoid that by sticking very strongly to a couple of guardrails. One, Chani is not some passive prize to be won, but an active agent of her own liberation, whether Paul is in the picture or not. She is the Fremen liberation struggle within the political allegory of the film; she is its voice and embodiment from the moment we meet her. On a character level, she is doing her thing and it's up to Paul to either follow or get out of the way. Even though we know he is afraid of her dying, he never once suggests she leave the front lines of armed struggle (can you imagine?) because that struggle is such a fundamental part of who she is and what he loves about her.

Two--and this one is important for what comes next--the narrative never trivializes the political side of their relationship in favor of the romantic. The second Paul reaches for any kind of power over the Fremen, over Chani, the trust between them is broken and the romance cannot continue. She might still love him as a person--you don't just turn that off--but she cannot be in love with him as the Lisan al-Gaib, fulfillment of a false prophecy she hates; as the Duke of Arrakis, her colonial overlord; or as the Emperor of the Known Universe, overlord of her overlord. As soon as he pulls that shit he is just another colonizer and she's done with him.

And like, kudos to the narrative for being absolutely uncompromising on that point! That's what makes both the political allegory and the personal tragedy hit so hard! Paul, bro, you fucked that one up good and now you are Experiencing a Consequence! I LOVE that in the end, love isn't enough. All the love in the world isn't enough to keep Chani from walking out at the end of the film, because the foundation that love is built on is broken and cannot be repaired.

(I do believe that by the time he is declaring himself Emperor, Paul thinks he has no choice, that this is the only way to save the people he loves from any number of worse fates. But that, too, is a betrayal, of a kind I don't think Paul fully understands. Because either you think the Fremen are capable of governing their own planet or you don't. Deciding unilaterally that having a "friendly" imperialist in power is the best you can hope for is a profound denial of the agency of the people Paul claims to be doing this in the name of. It's either paternalism or despair, and neither are acceptable modes of thinking for a serious revolutionary. Chani would tell you as much.)

The thing with making a bold writing choice like that is that...you cannot then walk it back in the next film with Chani choosing to forgive Paul or coming around to seeing the world his way and understanding that yes it's politically unsavory and he's manipulating the people he said he was in solidarity with but this was the only way! If you do that then the whole framework of what the first two films are trying to say about power and imperialism and resistance and solidarity collapses into incoherence. On a thematic level Dune Messiah is all about the consequences of Paul taking power the way he did and these are the consequences.

And on a character level...I just don't see any way to come back from such a deep betrayal. Even if some part of Chani still loves him. Even if she's pregnant with his child(ren). (We have like, zero information about how movie Chani feels about family and pregnancy and childrearing that would indicate that she would care one bit about her children's biological father being involved in their lives when he is otherwise busy being a space dictator.)

There are several categories of scenarios I can think of to get Paul and Chani interacting again (she goes back to him as a spy/assassin; she's brought back to the palace under some sort of duress, "for her safety" or even as a political prisoner) but none of them involve them being genuinely together as a couple. I could also see them not interacting at all for most of Dune Messiah. What I cannot see is any scenario in which she genuinely forgives him or ever fucking trusts him again. That shit is over and there's no getting it back.

[enlitment]

i am curious about robespierre and camille and “doomed by the narrative”, if you are free i would love to learn some more about them since i only have basic frev knowledge!

- @iron--and--blood

Thank you so much for the ask! ✨

The short version is that they started off as school friends and got separated for a couple of years after finishing their studies. Then the revolution started in 1789 and brought them together again by uniting them in their shared goal, only to completely tear them apart in 1794. And by ‘completely tear them apart’, I mean that Robespierre was one of the people who signed the decree for Camille’s arrest which led to his execution in 1794. Talk about star-crossed…

The answer would not have been possible without this great article by @anothehumaninthisworld btw! Definitely go read it if you haven’t already and are craving more information.

Both Camille Desmoulins and Maximilien Robespierre studied at Lous-le-Grand, the former Jesuit school, in Paris. Camille was 2 years younger than Maximilien, but they definitely knew each other, and there is a strong suggestion that they were friends back then. Later, Robespierre calls Camille his ‘study companion’, ‘college comrade’ and (and this will be important later, so just put a pin in that) ‘a talented young man without mature judgement’. Their favourite topic to discuss with each other was apparently the Roman Republic - because of course it was. I also like to imagine they bonded over their enthusiasm for classical authors!

Although two years is not that much of an age difference, a lot of people (including Przybyszewska, who takes it to the max) picked up on the fact that their dynamic was kind of like this:

picture by @did-slid-skid (hope it’s okay to share it, if not then I’ll take it down. Give it a like here!)

…and it sort of continued to be like that until the bitter end, but let’s not get ahead too much.

Once the revolution kicked off and Camille started publishing his first newspaper, he seems to have tried to capitalise on the fact that he knew Robespierre,whose political career at that time was already gaining significant traction (in a bit of ‘I’m so proud of my famous talented friend! Just look at Robespierre! And have I mentioned he is *my* friend?!’ kind of way). At this point, Camille might have had an incentive to exaggerate their closeness a bit to help his own journalistic career.

But I think it’s fair to say their relationship became closer once again sometime during 1790 since Robespierre was not only a witness at Camille’s wedding to Lucile, but he also became a godfather to Camille’s and Lucile’s son Horace, according to some sources. And if not a godfather, then definitely at least an occasional babysitter.

Also not super relevant from a historical perspective but the wedding scene in La Revolution Francaise is very cute, despite the film's many issues:

Then, around late 1793 and the first half of 1794, things got really messy. I mean, they were always really complex of course, it was the revolution and fractions kept forming and falling in quite a rapid succession. I mean messy specifically in regards to Camille. To put something really complicated as simply as possible, Camille started to be associated with the Indudgents/Dantonists - a name coined for the political fraction which included figures like Georges Danton and Fabre d'Églantine, who was involved in a massive corruption scandal.

Around that time, Camille also started publishing a newspaper – La Vieux Cordellier – which criticised the actions of the Committees and as such, came to be seen as something that was actively undermining the authority and the efforts of the revolutionary government.

There was quite a heated public exchange between Camille and Robespierre in January 1794 at the Jacobin Club. It also marks one of the greatest instances of what I like to call ‘using Rousseau as a weapon”.

Basically, Robespierre ordered Camille to destroy the copies of his journal, to which Camille replied by quoting Rousseau and saying "to burn is not to answer." It's important to know that Rousseau was *the* hero of Robespierre - a fact of which Camille was fully aware - so this was meant to cut deep. It must have stung!

Robespierre then replied “Learn, Camille, that if you were not Camille, one could not have so much indulgence for you”. This to me really illustrates the nature of their relationship at this point in time.

I am not sure how much of this is actually historically accurate and how much is my view based on the interpretations of their relationship in the media, but the sense I get is that Robespierre was quite protective of Camille until he felt like he had no choice but to move against him.

Despite the small age difference, there seemed to have been kind of an older, wiser person in a protective role/younger man led astray (or, if you want to go the Przybyszewka's route, acting like a brat) dynamic. Robespierre is quoted referring to Camille as a ‘spoilt child’. I mean, Camille might have been one of the first people to be called enfant terrible (I swear I saw it somewhere and did not hallucinate it, right?), despite being a man in his 30s.

Camille's whole vibe is somehow 30+ going on 14. Like that's pretty much a historical canon.

But then, in one way or another, the situation reached a point where for Robespierre, the importance of preserving the revolutionary cause outweighed the importance of friendship with Camille - his old college comrade. (DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE!)

In March 1794, Robespierre, as a member of the Committee of Public Safety, was among the people who signed Camille’s arrest warrant and thus, with a stroke of a pen, sealed his fate.

blood and ink parallel etc etc you get it ~

According to Robespierre’s sister, Charlotte, Maximilien tried to visit his friend in prison. I'm including a longer version of the quote because it is fascinating! Przybyszewska includes this supposed event in her play, The Danton case. It is also something which I may or may not have capitalised on in my own writing. Ahem.

"all I know is that my brother had much love for Camille Desmoulins, with whom he had studied, and that when he learned of his arrest and his incarceration in the Luxembourg he went to that prison in the intention of imploring Camille to return to the true revolutionary principles he had abandoned to ally himself with the aristocrats. Camille did not want to see him; and my brother, who would probably have defended and perhaps saved him, abandoned him to the terrible justice of the Revolutionary Tribunal."

An important question though is whether we can trust Charlotte as a source here… (most likely no?) If it were true though, it just screams doomed by the narrative (and own hubris?) to me.

Lucile Desmoulins, Camille’s wife, meanwhile tried to plea for Camille’s release by writing to Robespierre and trying to remind him of his and Camille’s friendship:

Have you forgotten these ties which Camille can never remember without tenderness? You who prayed for out union, who took our hands into yours, you who have smiled at my son and whom his infantile hands have caressed so many times (…) Even if he (…) hadn’t been as attached to the republic, I figure his attachment to you would have functioned as a substitute for patriotism, and you think that for this we deserve death?

(I’m not crying you’re crying)

Lucile’s letter, however, did not help to change Robespierre’s mind and overturn the decision. On 16 Germinal Year II (5th of April 1794), Camille Desmoulins was executed, along with other Dantonists.

Just one more line that always makes me sad, to really rub it in as a special treat – from Camille’s letter to his wife from prison:

“I have dreamed of a Republic such as all the world would have adored. I could never have believed that men could be so ferocious and so unjust.”

Or, as @anotherhumaninthisworld aptly puts it in the tags, Camille and Maximilien’s relationship essentially boils down to this:

(Really funny, but ouch.)

Their relationship also features prominently in the works by S. Przybyszewska, an early 20th century Polish playwright who very much picks up on the potentially queer vibes of Camile's and Maximilien's dynamic and just runs with it. She's much loved by the French Revolution Tumblr fandom for writing what is essentially a beautiful extremely angsty historical RPF in the 1920s.

[plaidos]

utena has a lot of emphasis on utena's attraction to boys, her relationship with anthy is very not present for a lot of the series and there's male characters utena actively has crushes on and pines over in a lot of episodes, the sapphic themes of utena are really important historically, but I think the film (which is a lot more overtly gay for its runtime) really warped peoples perceptions. If you go in to Utena expecting lesbian media, you'll be disappointed for a large chunk of the series, you'll mostly experience hetero relationships and crushes and heteronormativity for a lot of it. I don't think it's bad or skippable but it does feel a little disappointing when you come to it for how hyped up it is as "lesbian media". There's definitely much better options at this point.

well… i think you can’t really tell a lot of lesbian stories without the presence of heterosexuality? i don’t know who you take me for but i’m not the type of person who whinges when you have to wait for the good stuff, because it’s my opinion that the “good stuff” is heightened by how long it takes to get there sometimes. like. for example, when John Egbert comes out as June that’s gonna be theee greatest example of slowburn transfemininity in fiction . just as an example that i actually intimately know.

idk i haven’t seen Utena but i resent the idea that the presence of heterosexuality/heteronormativity necessarily undermines the lesbian-ness of a story. that certainly doesn’t map up to my experiences of lesbianism. heterosexuality and heteronormativity were really present in my actual life as a lesbian 🤷‍♀️

[jadesea33]

I read @9lives2mics post this morning and felt like it pretty much summed up my thoughts and feelings about all of this so I wasn’t going to share what I wrote yesterday. But Shalaka encouraged me to add my voice to the chorus and she’s right: if we want something to change, we need to speak up about it, so here we go.

I’m going to start with something positive: I’m happy that Carol will be confronting some of her past trauma and it’s clear that Melissa is too, based on everything she’s said during promo for the show. This has been the main focus of her comments. I believe she wants to give Carol personal closure and I respect her for that. But I’m at the point where it seems likely to me that she agreed to do the spin-off for Carol. Not Caryl. Not because she doesn’t care about Caryl but because it seems that what happens with Caryl may be beyond her control.

People say we should trust her. And I do. But people also seem to forget that she’s only one woman in a room full of men. She doesn’t get to decide everything (unfortunately, because I’d be 100% on board with THAT show). I imagine it’s more likely she gets to say what she wants for Carol but she’s not going to be able to decide the arc for Caryl on her own. Norman’s made himself wishy-washy enough about it all over the years that I honestly have no idea how he feels about romantic canon but if the showrunner doesn’t want it, it’s not going to happen. And David Zabel has said he doesn’t want it.

And trust me, I get that the source of all this is a clickbait article written by someone who apparently has proven themselves to be anti-Caryl but my feelings are based entirely on the direct quotes from Zabel. I actually didn’t read any of the article except the quotes. So unless he was grossly misquoted or was using the world’s worst deflection tactics, he does not want romantic canon for Caryl. I see no ambiguity in what he said. No room for interpretation.

And not only that, but he wants to set up a Daryl/Isabelle romance that undermines Daryl’s character and his relationship with Carol. And I just can’t tolerate that. Carol is going to cross an entire damn ocean to search for him and what? Find him experiencing “mutual interest” in a relationship that’s “more than friendship” with a manipulative nun he barely knows? Is Daryl even going to be happy Carol’s there? Is he going to show her the love and appreciation she deserves or is he going to be too busy with his “feelings” for another woman? Are we going to have to watch Carol comfort Daryl through his man pain over a forced relationship that never made sense and that took place while Carol was risking her life, battling her claustrophobia and confronting her personal trauma in order to find her “friend”? None of that is anything I have the slightest desire to watch.

I could possibly still give AMC my money without romantic canon. I could potentially watch Carol working through her trauma with the person closest to her in the world by her side if it highlighted their bond in a deep, meaningful way. But the shipbaiting is going too far for me. It disrespects the relationship that Carol and Daryl have shared for the last 14 years and it disrespects the fanbase that wants to tune in to see their bond continue it’s natural course, to see them nurture it and watch it grow.

If AMC wants someone like me to watch this show, they need to find a new showrunner, one who actually understands and respects Carol, Daryl and Caryl. Because it’s clear to me now that David Zabel doesn’t. I know filming has started on S3 but if we get a S4 and beyond, a new showrunner could still potentially clean up the mess that Zabel seems intent on creating.

Okay, if you actually read this far, thank you. And please, I know it can be hard to speak out. It causes me great anxiety to do so, especially when I know that some of my fellow Carylers will not like what I say. I fear some of the friendships I’ve formed in this fandom may be strained now because of differing opinions and that breaks my heart. But ultimately I care too deeply about these characters to remain silent when I see a great disservice being done to them. If you see that disservice too, please speak up about it. Will it make a difference? I don’t know. But we’ll never know if we don’t try. Sending love to you all. ❤️

[thevindicativevordan]

My Adventures With Superman: S2 Review

Another season down and it's time to take stock. SPOILERS BELOW!

My feelings fresh off the finale has me just as high on the show as I was last season. MAWS continues to be the best adaption of Superman since the Donner films. Furthermore I've realized that MAWS is extremely close to what the original Ultimate Marvel was. Everything in the 1610 universe ultimately came back to the Super Soldier Serum. Here everything connects to Krypton: all the villains in some way tie into it, Superman and Supergirl obviously are it's Last Children, Krypton reshaped the entire galaxy - potentially having wiped out the GLC and fought Apokolips! It's an entire universe built around exploring the impact of an imperialist Krypton and that's what sells me on the concept. Strikes me as funny in the wake of "Absolute DC" trying to offer an Ultimate DCU around the same time. Now moving on to the three major areas of concern:

The Trio

Clark - Our boy did not have an easy time of it this season. Constantly being faced with xenophobia, struggling to find a place for himself, relationship issues with Lois, his cousin turning out to be a brainwashed warrior, and then the evil AI that ran the Kryptonian Empire trying to turn him into a weapon. His character arc from S1, learning to embrace the weirder sides of himself instead of suppressing them, continues this season. Literally so in the case of unlocking his remaining powers like arctic breath, but also mentally. Brainiac attacks his self-image in order to undermine his sense of self-worth. Telling that even a Kal raised in a fake simulation of Krypton doesn't fit in with Kryptonian society any better than he does on Earth. I love that Lois gets him to believe in himself again by inverting the famous Lois & Clark line. Here, Superman is not what Clark can do - Superman is who Clark is. By believing in himself and following his heart, this Superman comes to realize that home isn't a place but the people you're with. Home is Ma, Pa, Lois, Jimmy, and at the end of the season Kara too.

Lois - Last season only began to unpack her daddy issues, and that was the focus of her arc this season. She loves Clark and she loves her dad but she can't overcome her massive inferiority complex caused by her dad's treatment of her growing up. She could never count on him to be there for her and she ends up projecting that on to Clark. Also she has a bad habit of emulating her dad's paranoia, she's willing to go right for the kryptonite to take out Kara, and doesn't trust other Kryptonians off the bat. Her arc culminates when she affirms her love for Clark in the Black Mercy and when she urges Kara to overcome the Eradicator programming, instead of doubting Kara's inner goodness.

Jimmy - Finally gets his own romance storyline with Kara and it was as cute as Clois! Glad Jimmy stopped being a third wheel to the Clois drama and got his own relationship difficulties to cope with. Also glad that we got that episode where Clark and Jimmy bro'd it up at the Science Expo and Clark told Jimmy how much he valued their friendship. Was asking for that in S1, and we finally got that moment here. As expected. Jimmy lost his billions but I think getting a Kryptonian girlfriend and saving Superman from Brainiac were worthy trade offs.

The Villains

Brainiac - Completely won over on this Brainiac. Emerson might have supplanted Burton as my favorite Brainiac voice. Eschewing the typical cold and emotionless Brainiacs, this take is joyfully malevolent. He takes pleasure in Superman's shock and outrage over the enslavement of the Kryptonian Empire's Foes for use as training fodder, he spitefully targets Earth first after stealing Superman's body, he gaslights and mocks Kara for daring to stand up to him, he's overseen the genocide of multiple planets (including Krypton) - he's pure evil. Even monologues at one point about how he's been "infected" by compassion on account of raising Kara and he needs to purge himself of that weakness. Brainiac alone justifies MAWS going with an imperialist Krypton instead of the usual isolationist take, we wouldn't have gotten this fantastic performance otherwise.

Amanda Waller - Never been more hateable than she is here. She tries to kill her old friend and colleague Sam with zero hesitation or remorse, experiments on civilians and is willing to kill them to cover it up, treats her underlings like crap, no surprise she and Lex hit it off. At least by the end of the season she's been deposed and is on the run, finally gets some measure of comeuppance for her actions.

Lex Luthor - To no one's great surprise, "Alex" did indeed turn out to be Lex Luthor. Amazing how MAWS pulled off exactly what DCEU Lex was trying to be, an evil techbro in the Zuckerburg mold, and in doing so reinforced how absolutely terrible the DCEU take was. Lex here is recognizably Lex: he's ego-driven, weaponizes xenophobia against Superman, reveals he was the one who actually created the Parasite suit, synthesizes kryptonite cores for the Metallos, acquires his business competition AmerTek, and is generally a condescending dickwad. Love that whenever he's being particularly evil, we get the iconic anime villain shot where the glasses become opaque. After this season he finally has the Lexcorp building Only thing left to do (besides give Lex a shave) is really develop the feud between Lex and Superman. Right now Supes doesn't even know Lex, and Lex has merely been using Superman as a sacrificial lamb for his own advancement. I do not want a sympathetic Lex, I want this to be the guy that Supes actually dislikes intensely.

Deathstroke - Fully settled into his role as the designated jobber at this point. Admittedly it's fun to see him be smug only to repeatedly get his ass spanked by Superman and others, but I'm not happy that they're keeping him around for S3 as Lex's underling. He's no threat to Superman at this point!

Damage - Weird choice, bad design. Don't really care if he shows up again or not.

Atomic Skull - Sounds cool, looks cool, only complaint is that he barely got any use! Showrunners I am begging you to bench Deathstroke, or outright eject him from the show, and start focusing more on the actual Superman villains. Since Waller's Task Force X seems to have been disbanded, could we possibly see him get a job as a cop like in the comics? I would support Atomic Skull being the anti-Superman element in the Metropolis Police Department while Maggie Sawyer finally debuts to contrast with him.

Livewire & Heatwave - After the heist and finale episodes I'm fine with them exiting from the show. Livewire in particular felt completely jarring and disconnected from how she was characterized in the AmerTak episode, she went from being willing to hurt kids to giving Lois a pep talk on the power of Love and saving Metropolis. Mitigating circumstances to be sure with Brainiac trying to destroy the Planet, but the S2 finale definitely felt like the show redeeming the S1 villains and shooing them out.

The Supporting Cast

Kara Zor-El/Supergirl - Now I can't say she's my favorite Kara yet, but I can share that like most of the MAWS cast, she easily could attain that status if she keeps getting used in S3. Poor thing, she exchanged the trauma of being old enough to feel Krypton's loss acutely for the trauma of having been brainwashed into being a worldkiller. Benefit of that is the show wrote them more like siblings because they were the same age, and I adored that. Episode 7 was one of my top 3 favorite episodes of the series thus far, watching them tease each other was heartwarming.

When Superman realized she had a crush on Jimmy and started to tease her, that was one of my favorite Superman/Supergirl moment ever! Both her and Kal are looking for the place they belong and they find it in each other by the end of the season. Excited to see what becomes of their relationship, and Jimmy's romance with Kara, next season.

Perry White - Remains the GOAT Perry. His evil laughter when Jimmy complained to him about the new interns not listening had me laughing right alongside him. Oh and changing the nickname Jimmy gives him to "Per-Per" instead of "Chief" goes a long way to justify why Perry finds Jimmy annoying and hates his nickname. Showing up to take Waller to task for arresting Jimmy and Lois in the penultimate episode, distracting her while Steve jailbreaks them? Most badass thing any version of Perry has ever done.

General Sam Lane - Complex is the only word I can use to describe him. Clearly he loves Lois and we get an entire episode dedicated to showing that, but he's still a bad dad who is responsible for her attachment issues. By the end of this season he's come around to Superman's side, and I have to admit I'm not a fan of that. Wish he was staying as an antagonist, but as long as we don't have Superman working with/for the government in S3 then I'll cope.

Cat and Steve - Ronnie was a non-entity again this season, I don't think she even appeared, but wow did Cat level up to be my favorite take on her alongside MAWS Steve being the GOAT Steve Lombard. Cat's speech to Lois about how as reporters they cover the story but they don't become the story shows that underneath her gossip exterior lies a woman of principles. Steve meanwhile cemented himself as the best bro you could ask for, and I loved his pep talk to Kara

Vicki Vale - Her shonen style rivalry with Lois over the AmerTek story gave me life. Conceding gracefully to Lois after being outscooped and offering Lois a job in Gotham, plus appearing in the penultimate episode to support Perry confronting Waller made me actually respect her. Still don't like her for smearing Superman in S1, but you can see that she is what Lois is on the road to becoming - albeit with more principles.

John Henry Irons - My guy in the flesh!!! Needs a proper war suit and to get that shield filled in but he's here and a pretty straightforward adaption to boot! Worked at AmerTek, built weapons for them, realized they were corrupt and has to atone by taking them down. Seeing him show up again in the finale was thrilling, I hope that he continues to appear in S3 as an ally of Kal and Kara. We've got a proper Superfamily being built up, now all we need is Kon.

General Thoughts

Blatant Darkseid tease or misdirection? Sure looks like an Omega Beam, but Brainiac makes it clear he's the one who "destroyed" Krypton. Jor-El was trying to negotiate a peace treaty with "their enemies" which does leave open the possibility that said enemies were Darkseid and Apokolips, and Brainiac has the Parademon mind scan.

Brainiac says he used "Krypton's greatest weapon" against Krypton, and that did not seem to be Kryptonite. Could he have sent the entire planet to the Phantom Zone instead? Would certainly align with the line about "casting Krypton into hell".

S2 ends with Superman being pretty much as happy as can be. He and Lois are back, he saved and redeemed Kara, Waller is deposed, he doesn’t appear to have any emotional problems left. I’m thinking S3 is going to have Lex and Zod as the Big Bads, and instead of being a conquerer, Zod is going to break out of the PZ and be utterly ruthless about bringing all of Krypton with him.

I bet the show does a take on the New Krypton storyline, with S3 having Zod succeed and then Kal and Kara have to choose between their adopted and birth worlds (maybe even their adopted and birth parents in the Kents vs. Els for maximum drama). Do they want to go live on New Krypton with the Els or stay on Earth? Plus Zod will probably be revealed as Nemesis Omega, and they'll set up a war coming between Earth and NK with Sam Lane and Zod leading the two armies. Then S4 will be Darkseid, with Apokolips having learned that their old foes are still alive

Metallo needs to get a proper adaption next season. I know these weebs have watched Cyberpunk Edgerunners, give me Metallo in the vein of Adam Smasher!

PLEASE BRING IN BLOODSPORT, he's in the bloody comics for God's sake! No excuse not to have him next season.

They better have plans for a proper Jack Nimball Toyman because that Winslow Schott take was lame

Bring Parasite back next season, not having him at all this season made me realize how great he was as a villain. Oh and bring Mxy back too!

Kryptonian armor enhancing Kryptonian abilities like heat vision sold me on the concept. Funny how right as the live action take reverts to the trunks, MAWS gives Superman a new suit without them. I like the new suit myself.

Lana ended up being the one person on the leaked voice actor list to not show up is odd. Was her part cut perhaps, or was that the one fake name on the list?

Wyatt has said that when MAWS Superman becomes the confident self-assured "Superdad", that's when the show is over for him. Keeping that in mind I feel like S3 needs to kill some characters, specifically the Kents. Right now Clark has his safe space in Smallville, a loving relationship with Lois, a brother relationship with Jimmy, and a good reputation in Metropolis, and now Kara too. Logically he should be confident and self-assured, meaning they need to undermine that if they want the show to continue. Clark suffering the death of his adopted parents, right around the time his birth parents return and offer him a place on New Krypton? Certainly would be how *I* would blow up his new happy status quo.

If Superman is no longer going to be fighting the government, you know who would be a great villain to bring in? Red Cloud. Having a villain work at the Daily Planet in undercover mode like Superman would be a perfect way to keep the focus on the Planet cast.

[ym4yum1]

Preface — My favorite Spy (5)

November, 2024.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5.

How did the MCU shape Natasha Romanoff's character?

In AoU, THE Black Widow — arguably Marvel's sharpest, most capable spy — had her "damsel in distress" moment while waiting for Bruce (not even the Hulk) to save her from captivity. The only female Avenger at the time, Natasha was suddenly reduced to a love interest, questioning her worth as a hero and burdened with shame simply because she couldn't procreate. Who thought this was a good idea? My husband's answer: "A man." No offense.

Now, let's consider how Natasha has evolved in the MCU.

In Iron Man 2 (2010), she flirted with Tony, but earned his respect by hacking a system JARVIS couldn't crack to free Rhodey. In The Avengers (2012), she had a deep partnership with Clint, outsmarted Loki, and found the key to close the portal. In The Winter Soldier (2014), she was as much a protagonist as Steve, building a strong connection with him, even sharing a kiss. Then, in Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), the film began with her already involved with Bruce. Yet, their story happened almost entirely off-screen, undermining the narrative principle of "show, don't tell," and diminishing her existing relationships.

If I were Thor, I'd be upset at being the only Avenger left out of Natasha's supposed romantic entanglements.

Jokes aside, the "monster connection" between Natasha and Bruce felt forced and unearned, as did their "romance" — a plot device to tie together two isolated people with no meaningful payoff. Ultimately, it was a disservice to both, reducing them to simplistic, cartoonish tropes.

Then, in Captain America: Civil War (2016), Natasha was forced to choose sides, pitted against close friends like Steve and Clint while trying not to lose her Avengers family. In Avengers: Infinity War (2018), though worked underground, she continued fighting crime alongside Steve.

Finally, in Avengers: Endgame (2019), her death was framed as her "redemption". But really? By this point, hadn't she evolved well beyond her past, proving her heroism time and again — even taking on a leadership role within the Avengers? And why would Steve Rogers — one of the best tacticians ever — send two non-superpowered humans to retrieve an Infinity Stone on an unknown alien planet? The Soul Stone's demand for a "sacrifice of love" was unknown to the Avengers, yet the writers chose Natasha and Clint, who had a deep bond, without any strategic justification.

From a storytelling perspective, sending someone with resilience or cosmic experience like Hulk or Rocket Raccoon would have made more sense. Natasha and Clint — skilled spies — would have been better suited to New York than the Hulk, where stealth mattered. Instead, many of these choices felt contrived and plot-driven rather than organic character growth, making Natasha's sacrifice feel hollow and unearned — designed more for emotional impact than logical consistency. Further, the absence of a funeral added insult to injury.

Sending Natasha Romanoff to Vormir, a mission that essentially preordained her death, without any explanation whatsoever, cheapened her development. From that moment, the plot felt lackluster, the movie lost its meaning, and the MCU lost a fan. But I digress.

[rookienando]

having the female race engineer character be in a relationship with a driver in the f1 movie makes me so fucking mad. f1 has already been such a male-dominated sport since its inception. having a definitely-causing-chaos-for-human-resources relationship between the female character and the male main character does women who are in male-dominated fields such a disservice. no, these women in real life do not want to have relationships with their male co-workers or bosses; they do what they do because they want to be in their respective fields and are passionate about what they do.

we're already in 2025—why are we still representing women in film in a way that undermines their talent and careers for the sake of feeding men's sexualized perspective of women? this movie is probably going to be the general public's perspective of what f1 is the same way the mcu is what non-fans think marvel is. instead of simply showcasing female characters in male-dominated positions to promote putting more qualified women in the field, the movie chooses to represent the women in f1 as potential sexual/romantic partners for their male co-workers.

we could've had something great and got more girls interested into f1 because they'll see women in positions they've only seen men in. but no, the producers and writers decided to use the female race engineer as a plot point.

[twisting-echo]

For the ship asks: 3,26,29 and 30 for both Hercules x Cinderella and Aladdin x Mulan please.

Ooo, Sailor, what I love, besides the questions you picked, is that all of these characters are canonically in Disney Mirrorverse too! So, I'm going to talk about them from a Disney Mirrorverse standpoint, if you don't mind.

Hercules x Cinderella:

3. Most common argument?

Okay, their most common argument is that Cinderella wishes Hercules would stick up for himself more. He has a tendency to let himself be a doormat. Having been treated like an outcast most of his life, he was raised as a well-meaning and soft-spoken farm boy who can be too polite for his own good. Despite his impressive strength, God-like appearance, and towering height, he's still that farm boy who is afraid of what others will think of him because of his gifts. Cinderella, who has dealt with being treated like a punching bag her whole life, hates seeing the person she cares deeply for not assert himself when needed. She gently urges him to stand up for himself and promises that it won't make him lose his kind and gentle nature. Over time, her support helps Hercules gain the confidence to assert himself, making their relationship stronger.

26. What would be their theme song?

Okay, the theme for this OTP is a song I love called "At the Beginning" by Donna Lewis and Richard Marx. It's a beautiful song from the soundtrack of the 1997 animated film Anastasia. Coincidentally, Hercules also came out in 1997. I just feel that the lyrics fit this ship so well!

★ Song link: [At The Beginning - Richard Marx & Donna Lewis (Lyrics)]

29. One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart?

(This is a plot bunny from my fic idea.) The headcanon that breaks my heart is when Cinderella feels that she is pushed past her breaking point and fails Mickey and her fellow guardians. So, she calls it quits as a guardian and goes back home to her universe, telling none of her friends or Hercules, sparing them and herself the heartache of goodbye.

30. One headcanon about this OTP that mends it?

(This is also a plot bunny from the same fic idea.) The one headcanon about this OTP that mends it is when Hercules finds out that Cinderella left. He was sad that she didn't say goodbye, but he was absolutely heartbroken to learn that the woman with the unbreakable spirit whom he loves and adores has finally let adversity crush that spirit. Cinderella has helped him through so many of his personal struggles, and he'd be damned if he was going to let her succumb to hers. So, he goes to her universe, flying with the might of Icarus in search of the woman who is his sun. When he finds her, he tells her that strength isn't about how physically powerful you are; it's about having the inner strength to be strong through the most challenging and darkest times. He gently lifts up her chin, looks her in the eyes, and tells her that the woman underneath the enchanted glass armor is the strongest person he knows.

Aladdin x Mulan:

3. Most common argument?

The most common argument for Mulan is that she finds Aladdin to be a spontaneous risk-taker, which conflicts with her more disciplined approach to fighting the Fractured and handling situations. Aladdin can be overly cocky at times, and it frustrates her because she's trying to keep everyone safe. It makes her feel that it undermines her authority as the team leader. She wonders if it is also because she is a woman that Aladdin doesn't listen, but he assures her that it has nothing to do with that and admits that he's not used to being on a team or having anyone look out for him because he grew up without a family and had to look out for himself his whole life.

The most common argument for Aladdin is that, whether she wants to believe it or not, Mulan cares too much about what others think. He knows what the need to prove oneself feels like, and he's never seen anyone try to prove themselves as hard as Mulan does, which breaks his heart. He gently urges her not to be too hard on herself and that it's okay to ask for help from time to time.

26. What would be their theme song?

The theme song for this OTP is another song I love called 'Love Will Find a Way' from The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride. Aladdin sings Kiara's part and Mulan sings Kovu's. The song fits the tone of their arc in my headcanon perfectly!

★ Song link: ["The Lion King 2" - "Love Will Find A Way" (HD)]

29. One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart?

Aladdin worries that his past as a street rat will never be fully accepted by Mulan's family. He also fears that Mulan will return to her universe and accept Li Shang's marriage proposal because he can provide a better life than Aladdin can offer, and he'll never see her again.

Mulan often feels torn between her duty to her family and her love for Aladdin. She struggles with the expectations placed on her as a daughter and the deep feelings she has for him, which sometimes leaves her conflicted and unsure of the right path to take. Her family wants her to marry Li Shang, knowing that he can provide a more secure and stable life than Aladdin can offer. This only adds to her inner turmoil, as she worries about Li Shang's marriage proposal and how it affects her relationship with Aladdin.

To add to the heartbreak, just watch the video I linked below. I like to think of Aladdin and Mulan every time I watch it (Aladdin is Haida and Mulan is Aggretsuko).

30. One headcanon about this OTP that mends it?

The one headcanon about this OTP that mends it is that, of course, Mulan wants Aladdin! He's her beautiful Cutting Desert Diamond! Aladdin reassures Mulan that she can always be herself with him, and he loves her for who she truly is. Mulan shows Aladdin that their love transcends their pasts and their differences, bringing them closer together. Mulan and Aladdin reconcile, they marry, and Mulan's family loves him (especially Mulan's grandma and Mushu). Together, they continue to protect the Mirrorverse with their fellow guardians!

[motziedapul]

I had a thought about Wish and why it didn't work that I don't know if others have mentioned.

It was made clear to me after I saw this concept art for Star Boy what this film lacked. It lacked a throughline of DESIRE AND RELATIONSHIPS; not just romantic desire, though the scrapped possibility of "romance" is what made me think about it.

Also, just wanted to say how ironic it is that Star Boy is so reminiscent of Jack Frost from Rise Of The Guardians while Chris Pine, who voiced Jack Frost in ROTG, was the villain (and best part) of this disappointing film.

Despite being ABOUT people's desires and wishes, both Asha and her grandfather's desires are nebulous. "I want to inspire people", "I want more". More what? Inspire them how? Their motivations are pretty unclear, as are their desires. The King even points this out, and he's right to do so.

It wouldn't be so bad for Asha to want her grandfather's wish to be fulfilled if the film could make you feel emotionally invested in him and his motivations. Love for her grandfather and a grave injustice against him and others is a FANTASTIC motivation, which is undermined by the fact that everyone's pretty darn happy in Rosas, and there's no sign to indicate that there's something deeply wrong underneath the surface.

The problem with presenting a society that needs change in a film is that you need to show why it's not working, and yet by all accounts Rosas is a wonderful place to live. SHOW US, DON'T TELL US, WHY THIS IS A GRAVE INJUSTICE. You have to show who's being hurt by showing them being hurt.

It's unfortunate that a movie in the same month dealt with wishes on stars 10000 times better than Wish did, but Puss In Boots The Last Wish did pretty much everything better than Wish did. That being said, they had a blueprint for how to make Wish work, and they didn't even follow it:

Encanto.

I love Encanto. It's not Disney's strongest film, especially plotwise, but what it lacks in plot it makes up for in getting you emotionally invested. The music, the tragedy, the character relationships, they all work. And even Encanto didn't have a romance, but it had suffering, desire, and something was wrong that needed to be fixed, and most importantly, it convinced the audience of that.

In comparison, you have a king taking people's Wishes away because he saw the destructive potential of unfettered desire and greed, all in exchange for peace and happiness - and yet we do not see people suffering from this decision. We see Asha get angry about it before we ever see why she should be angry.

People have already mentioned that Wish lacks camp, so I'm not gonna go into that, but it lacks camp and any Disney animated film that lacks camp is one not worth watching.

In terms of relationships, the only one in the film that has any sort of chemistry or emotional complexity is that of Asha and Magnifico. They literally sing a love song to each other in the movie, which baffles me because it gives you the idea of a budding romance/non romantic but loving relationship between the protagonist and antagonist of this film, only to be followed by a heartwrenching betrayal that justifies Magnifico's descent into darkness. And that would have been a fantastic story (after removing the weird age gap, obviously, though Disney's no stranger to that).

There is no other relationship in Asha's life that seems to mean anything to her, not even her relationship with her grandfather, because the only interactions we see her have with him before deciding what's best for him is 1 single scene where she actively avoids spending time with him and her mother to sneak off.

In Coco, we understand how important Hector as a great grandfather is, because of this scene.

In Encanto, we immediately see how and why Mirabelle loves her family and is proud of them, and yet also how she suffers from their exclusion and isolation of her.

The character who is *described* as caring for others but never shown caring for anybody only ever has a moment with the villainous king, who himself only ever has chemistry with her and his wife.

What's infuriating is that there's a deleted scene that, if combined with another scene showing Asha's childhood and why her grandfather means so much to her, would've made her motivation clear.

There's a deleted scene where her grandfather sings a beautiful song, and her and her mother sit there in emotional silence.

Would've been nice to have it in the film.

The most interesting character in the film is King Magnifico, which is why they had to scrape all the nuance out of him in the second act. Asha is described as selfless but is deeply selfish and self-centred. Her desires are nebulous. Her motivations aren't convincing. The character they try to sell you is one we never see.

A romance may not have been entirely necessary, but Asha having a real relationship and therefore emotional stakes with someone absolutely would have. It would have clarified and justified her desires, her motivations.

What a waste.

-

P.S. The Animation in Wish is gorgeous, lively, and well-done, but the rendering, lighting and watercolour effects were badly executed. Please make the proper distinction - the characters move beautifully.

P.P.S. Yeah the music's bad. Say what you want about Lin Manuel Miranda but he's at least talented enough and Broadway enough to know how music can synergize with story and character. None of my criticisms about him as a person extends to his musical ability - Moana is my favourite movie, and he did a fantastic job there and on Encanto.

Apologies for the long post, but after seeing so many rants about this film I realized there's still something to touch upon that people haven't fully addressed.

[mrspiastri]

✴︎ jab we met 🧳

chapter 4. how can you undermine the romance of it all?

masterlist!

pairing: oscar piastri x reader (slight desi references but nothing too crazy)

cw: mental health issues, dysfunctional family, toxic relationships

wc: 5.1k words

an: clapping my hands like a seal rn

.° ｡𖦹˚ 𓇼 ｡𖦹° ｡. .° ｡𖦹˚ 𓇼 ｡𖦹° ｡. .° ｡𖦹˚ 𓇼 ｡𖦹° ｡. .° ｡

Oscar had done a lot of reckless things in the last few days.

Getting on a random train? Reckless.
Missing said train and ending up stranded? Reckless.
Following Y/N—who was, quite possibly, the most dangerous person he had ever met—not once, but multiple times? Suicidal.

And now, this.

Running away in the dead of night with a girl who had zero plans, a backpack stuffed with unnecessary junk, and a boyfriend waiting for her at the other end of this disaster.

God, he was an idiot.

“Come on, slowpoke!” Y/N whispered excitedly, still dragging him along.

Oscar let out a silent groan as they sprinted down the narrow, dimly lit street, their shadows stretching against the walls of sleepy homes. He could still feel the adrenaline in his veins from climbing out of the damn window, his body tense, waiting for someone to catch them.

“I cannot believe I let you talk me into this,” he muttered, his grip tightening on her wrist.

She turned back to him with a wide grin. “Believe it, rich boy. We’re criminals now.”

Oscar scoffed. “Criminals? Your grand crime is sneaking out to see your boyfriend.”

Y/N gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest. “Oscar! That hurts! How could you undermine the romance of it all?”

Oscar rolled his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware this was a Bollywood film.”

Y/N giggled, still leading him forward. “You’re just mad I didn’t run away for you.”

Oscar’s entire body locked up.

His stupid, traitorous heart gave the faintest twitch.

She didn’t mean anything by it, obviously. It was just a joke.

But that didn’t stop the flash of irritation—of something dangerously close to jealousy—before he could shove it down.

He scoffed, recovering quickly. “Mad? No. Disgusted? A little.”

She gasped again, eyes twinkling under the streetlights. “You love me.”

Oscar snorted. “I barely tolerate you.”

“You love me,” she sang, bumping her shoulder into his.

Oscar refused to entertain her nonsense. Instead, he focused on the fact that they were now at a crossroads—literally and figuratively.

He stood next to Y/N as she spoke to the rental- car service employee about the vehicle she booked for them to drive to the serene location of Coorg. As always, when she withdrew her wallet to pay, Oscar simply didn’t let her. He normally would slightly push her away, letting him make the payments, or would distract her by pointing at something behind her.

The moment they climbed into the car- a black open jeep- and settled into their seats, he turned to her, narrowing his eyes.

“I hate you.”

She grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.

“No, you don’t.”

Oscar let out a long breath, before inserting the key in and starting the vehicle up.

Because, annoyingly, she was right.

🪻🪻🪻

Oscar had many regrets in life.

Most of them were recent.
Some of them involved her.

And his biggest regret at this very moment?

Agreeing to run away with Y/N.

Because now, he was sitting in a rental car, speeding through winding roads, heading deeper into the hills of Coorg—to meet her boyfriend.

It was absolute hell.

“Smile, Osc!” Y/N nudged him with her elbow, her cheeks flushed from excitement. “You look like someone forced you on this trip.”

Oscar turned his head slowly, staring at her with dead eyes, trying to pretend that the nickname she used for him wasn’t making him malfunction internally.

“Someone did force me on this trip.”

She giggled, stretching her arms. “Ugh, you’re such a grump. It’s beautiful here! Look at the trees, the mist, the smell of fresh air—”

Oscar exhaled, rubbing his temples. “Y/N, do you realize what we’re doing?”

She blinked up at him. “Running away?”

“To your boyfriend’s house,” he deadpanned.

She grinned. “Exactly!”

Oscar clenched his jaw, forcing down the completely irrational irritation brewing inside him.

Because, realistically, this wasn’t a big deal.

She had a boyfriend. She loved him—enough to leave everything behind for him.

And yet, Oscar sat there, feeling like he was being dragged toward a fate he didn’t want to face.

Like he was willingly delivering her to someone else.

“Anyway,” Y/N continued, completely unaware of his inner turmoil, “we should reach by sundown.”

Oscar turned his gaze to the window, watching the landscape blur past, the green hills rolling into view as the mist thickened.

He didn’t respond.

Because he wasn’t sure what to say anymore.

By the time the car pulled into their destination, the sky was painted orange and pink, the air cool and crisp.

Y/N was practically jumping out of her seat, dragging Oscar along.

Oscar’s stomach twisted.

Because, of course, she was happy.

This was her boyfriend’s town.
Her happily ever after.

And Oscar?

Oscar was just passing through.

He stayed silent as the car sped through the winding roads, the air growing colder, the smell of rain-soaked earth and coffee plantations filling his lungs.

They turned a corner, and suddenly—

A large, traditional home came into view, nestled between tall trees and fog-covered hills.

Y/N’s face lit up instantly.

“We’re here,” she breathed, eyes shining.

Oscar stared at the house, an uneasy feeling creeping up his spine.

Something about this didn’t feel right.

Like he was walking straight into something he wasn’t ready for.

And yet, before he could process it—

Y/N was already running ahead.

And Oscar, like an idiot, followed.

🪻🪻🪻

Oscar had never believed in fate.

Not in the way Y/N did, with her wild superstitions and ridiculous faith that life always worked out in the end.

But as they stood in front of the large, traditional house, something inside him whispered that he shouldn’t have come here.

That something was about to go horribly wrong.

And yet, he followed her anyway.

Because she was smiling—this huge, bright smile, like she was seeing the beginning of her forever.

And God help him, but Oscar couldn’t tear his eyes away.

She didn’t even hesitate. She ran straight up to the front door, her backpack bouncing on her shoulders, and banged on it excitedly.

Oscar followed at a slower pace, his heartbeat strangely heavy in his chest.

The door swung open.

And there he was.

Karan.

Y/N’s boyfriend.

The man she had run across the country for.

The one she had left everything behind to be with.

And Oscar hated him instantly.

Karan was tall, well-dressed, with the kind of confidence that came from knowing exactly what you wanted in life.

But the moment he saw Y/N standing at his doorstep, his smile faltered.

Y/N didn’t notice.

She beamed.

“Karan!” she practically launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. “I’m here! I finally made it!”

Oscar looked away, his chest tightening with something he refused to name.

Karan hesitated for a fraction of a second before awkwardly patting her back.

Y/N pulled away, grinning. “God, I missed you! I’ve been through so much to get here—you won’t even believe it. I lost all my luggage, almost got stranded, had to drag this guy—” she jerked a thumb at Oscar—“all the way across the country.”

Karan’s eyes flickered to Oscar, finally noticing him.

There was something in his gaze. A quiet tension.

Oscar didn’t like it.

But before he could process it, Y/N was already bouncing inside, laughing, spinning around like she was making herself at home.

“God, I can’t believe I’m actually here!” she said happily.

Oscar, however, stayed by the doorway.

Something was wrong.

He could feel it.

And then—Karan cleared his throat.

“Y/N,” he said carefully, his voice strange.

She turned to him, still smiling. “Yeah?”

And then—

He said the words that would shatter her world.

“What are you doing here?”

Silence.

The air shifted instantly.

Y/N’s smile froze.

Oscar’s jaw tensed.

She let out a nervous laugh, stepping closer. “What do you mean? I came for you, obviously.”

Karan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Y/N, I…” He hesitated. “You shouldn’t have.”

Y/N blinked, like she hadn’t understood. “Wait… what?”

And Oscar?

Oscar already knew.

He had seen it in Karan’s eyes the moment he opened the door.

That guilt. That hesitation.

That fear of being caught.

And suddenly—Oscar wanted to break something.

Karan exhaled. “I thought you moved on.”

Y/N stared at him. “What?” she said, barely above a whisper.

Oscar stayed perfectly still, his hands clenching into fists.

Karan sighed. “Y/N… it’s been months. I didn’t think you were serious about this. I didn’t think you’d actually…” He gestured vaguely. “Run away.”

Y/N froze completely.

The color drained from her face, her expression stuck between disbelief and devastation.

“Are you saying…” She swallowed. “Are you saying you don’t want me here?”

Karan hesitated. “It’s not that—”

“Then what is it?” she cut in, voice suddenly sharp.

Silence.

Oscar’s chest was burning now.

Because he knew exactly what Karan was going to say.

And he hated him for it.

“Y/N…” Karan exhaled. “I’m seeing someone else.”

It was silent for exactly three seconds.

Then—

Y/N laughed.

A small, shaky laugh, like she thought this was some horrible joke.

But when she looked at Karan—when she really looked—her entire face fell apart.

Because he wasn’t lying.

This was real.

And for the first time since Oscar had met her, Y/N looked completely, utterly lost.

Like someone had ripped the ground out from under her feet.

Like she had just woken up from a dream and realized she was falling.

“I…” she whispered. “I left everything for you.”

Oscar’s fists tightened.

Because that was true, wasn’t it?

She had left her home. Her family. Herself.

All for this man.

This coward.

And suddenly, Oscar was furious.

Furious that she had wasted her love on someone like him.
Furious that she was hurting.
Furious that he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.

Karan sighed, rubbing his temple. “Y/N, you’re being dramatic—”

Oscar stepped forward immediately.

His voice was lethal. “Say that again.”

Karan hesitated.

Oscar took another calculated step, his expression cold, unforgiving. “Go ahead,” he said evenly. “Say that again.”

Karan swallowed hard.

Because suddenly, the quiet, composed man in the doorway looked dangerous.

Y/N turned her head slightly, like she had just noticed Oscar for the first time.

Like she had forgotten he was still here.

Her lips parted slightly, her eyes wide—

And for the briefest second, Oscar wondered if she realized.

If she understood why he was so angry.

Why this hurt him too.

Karan took a step back, glancing between them. “I think you should go.”

Y/N let out a short, breathless laugh.

Then—before anyone could say anything else—she turned on her heel and walked straight past Oscar.

He followed immediately, without hesitation.

Because of course he did.

Because he was the only one left to pick up the pieces.

And God help him, but he would always follow her.

🪻🪻🪻

Y/N walked.

She didn’t run.
She didn’t cry.
She just… walked.

Out of the house.
Down the empty road.
Away from the life she had convinced herself was waiting for her.

Oscar followed.

Not because he had to.
Not because he had any obligation to.

But because he couldn’t not.

She was silent—eerily so. No laughter, no sarcastic remarks, no teasing insults thrown his way.

Just… silence.

It made something in Oscar’s chest ache.

They reached a small clearing by the side of the road, where a few stone benches sat beneath an old banyan tree. Y/N slowed down, her steps faltering.

Then, without a word, she dropped onto one of the benches, hugging her knees to her chest.

Oscar stopped a few feet away, watching her carefully.

She stared ahead, her face blank, her hands gripping her legs tightly.

And Oscar hated it.

He hated seeing her like this—so still, so quiet, so… not Y/N.

After a long moment, she spoke.

“I was going to marry him.”

Oscar exhaled slowly, stepping forward. “I know.”

“I really thought…” She trailed off, laughing bitterly. “I thought he loved me. I thought I was running to my happy ending.”

Oscar clenched his jaw. “He’s an idiot.”

She let out another hollow laugh, resting her chin on her knees. “No. I’m the idiot.”

Oscar hated how small her voice sounded.

He moved to sit beside her, keeping a careful distance. “Y/N…”

She shook her head, cutting him off. “I don’t get it,” she whispered, her fingers digging into the fabric of her pants. “What did I do wrong?”

Oscar felt something twist violently in his chest.

He turned his head, looking at her fully. “Nothing.”

She finally looked at him, her eyes shining under the streetlights. “Then why wasn’t I enough?”

Oscar inhaled sharply.

And suddenly, he wanted to kill Karan.

Because how dare he make Y/N feel this way?

How dare he make her—Y/N, the girl who had spent the last few days turning Oscar’s entire life inside out—feel like she wasn’t worth choosing?

Oscar had no idea what to say.

But before he could even attempt to answer, Y/N shook her head again, forcing a small, weak smile. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it.”

Oscar frowned. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”

She scoffed, wiping at her face. “Oh, come on. You think this is the first time I’ve made a fool of myself over a guy?”

Oscar hated the way she said that.

Like she wasn’t worth more.

Like she hadn’t spent the last few days turning his entire world upside down without even trying.

Like she had any idea how dangerously fast Oscar was falling for her.

He exhaled, forcing himself to stay calm. “You weren’t a fool, Y/N.”

She let out another empty laugh. “Sure feels like it.”

Oscar turned fully to face her now, serious. “No, listen to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. He did. You gave him your heart, and he was too much of a coward to take care of it.”

Y/N’s breath hitched slightly, like she wasn’t expecting him to say that.

Oscar wasn’t expecting it either.

Because he wasn’t just angry for her.

He was angry because he knew—he knew—that if it had been him instead of Karan, he never would have let her go.

And that thought?

That thought terrified him.

Y/N let out a slow breath, looking down at her hands.

Then, suddenly—

She wiped her eyes, stood up, and stretched dramatically.

“Alright!” she declared, her voice unnaturally cheerful. “Heartbreak over. What’s next?”

Oscar blinked. “What?”

She turned to him, **grinning—**except this time, it didn’t reach her eyes. “I mean, what do we do now? I didn’t come all this way just to mope.”

Oscar frowned. “Y/N, you don’t have to pretend—”

“I’m not pretending,” she said quickly. “I just… don’t wanna sit here and feel sorry for myself, you know?”

Oscar studied her carefully.

He knew she was lying.

He knew she was hurting.

But he also knew that forcing her to talk wouldn’t work.

Not yet.

So, instead, he exhaled slowly and stood up.

“Fine,” he said, brushing off his jeans. “Let’s get out of here.”

Her smile softened slightly, looking almost real this time. “Yeah?”

Oscar smiled back. “Yeah.”

And just like that, they started walking again.

Back into the night.

🪻🪻🪻

They walked.

The air was cold in the hills, thick with the smell of damp earth and coffee plantations. The road stretched endlessly ahead of them, winding down the valley, empty and silent—just like Y/N.

Oscar kept glancing at her.

She wasn’t crying.
She wasn’t saying anything at all.

And that… that bothered him.

Because this was Y/N—the girl who talked nonstop, who laughed at her own jokes, who filled every silence with nonsense just for the sake of it.

And now?

Now she was just quiet.

And Oscar hated it.

After nearly an hour of walking, Y/N finally spoke.

“Where are we going?”

Oscar let out a breath, relieved that she had said something at all. “Now you ask?”

She shrugged, stuffing her hands into her pockets. “I just figured you had a plan.”

He scoffed. “That’s your thing, remember?”

She hummed, tilting her head up to the sky. The stars were brighter here, away from the city. It made everything feel… unreal.

“So,” she said, voice lighter than it should be, “where do heartbroken runaways go after their grand escape fails?”

Oscar glanced at her. “Is that what we are now?”

She grinned. “What, you don’t consider yourself a runaway?”

Oscar didn’t answer immediately.

Because, truthfully?

He hadn’t thought about what he was running from.

He had spent so much time following her, caught up in her chaos, that he hadn’t stopped to consider where he was supposed to be.

Not at his company.
Not at home.
Not… here.

So where?

Y/N must have noticed the hesitation, because she nudged him lightly. “See? Runaway.”

Oscar sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fine. So where do runaways go?”

Y/N hummed, thinking. “We could go back to my house.”

Oscar raised an eyebrow. “You mean back to your entire family, who currently think we’re engaged?”

She winced. “Okay, maybe not that.”

“Maybe?”

“Shut up.”

Oscar smirked slightly, but the moment was too brief. Y/N kicked at a rock on the road, her smile fading again.

“I really thought he’d be waiting for me,” she muttered.

Oscar tensed.

Because, for a brief, pathetic second, he had almost believed it too.

Believed that she would run into Karan’s arms and find what she was looking for.

That she would finally be happy.

And that Oscar would have to watch it happen.

But it hadn’t happened.

And instead, she was here.

Beside him.

Heartbroken.

And Oscar still didn’t know what to do with that.

Y/N sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t even know what I was expecting. A fairytale?”

Oscar hesitated. Then, quietly, he said, “He never deserved you.”

She laughed softly, but there was no real amusement in it. “Yeah? Then who does?”

Oscar’s stomach twisted.

Because for half a second—just one, stupid, fleeting second—his mind answered for him.

Me.

Oscar clenched his jaw.

No.

No, no, no.

That wasn’t how this worked.

This wasn’t his story to claim.

This wasn’t his ending.

He forced himself to look at her, at the way she was staring ahead, her expression unreadable.

And before he could stop himself, before he could rethink it, he said—

“What if we don’t go back?”

Y/N blinked, turning to him. “Huh?”

Oscar swallowed. “What if we just… kept going?”

She frowned slightly, but there was curiosity in her eyes now. “Go where?”

“I don’t know.” He let out a breath. “Anywhere.”

Y/N studied him, tilting her head. “You’re serious?”

Oscar held her gaze. “Yeah.”

And the crazy part?

He actually meant it.

Because wasn’t that the whole point?

Wasn’t that why he had followed her in the first place?

Because running away with her was the first time in years that he had felt something real.

Y/N stared at him for a long moment.

Then, suddenly—

She smiled.

And this time, it actually reached her eyes.

“Okay,” she said.

Oscar exhaled, his chest loosening for the first time all night.

“Okay,” he echoed.

And just like that—

They kept walking.

No destination.
No plan.
No idea what came next.

Just the road ahead of them.

And the one person Oscar was terrified to admit he didn’t want to let go of.

🪻🪻🪻

Two days after they left Coorg, they ended up on a train to nowhere.

Y/N sat by the window, her forehead resting against the glass, watching the world blur past them.

Oscar sat beside her, arms crossed, pretending not to watch her.

At some point, she sighed. “You ever feel like you’re in a movie?”

Oscar huffed a small laugh. “Every day since I met you.”

She grinned, but it was softer than usual.

“I mean it,” she murmured, tracing patterns against the fogged-up window. “Everything feels… different now.”

Oscar hesitated. “Different how?”

She turned to him, eyes brighter than usual.

“I don’t miss him.”

Oscar stilled.

For the first time since this entire mess started, she finally said it.

“I thought I would,” she continued, voice thoughtful. “I thought it would hurt more. But instead… I just feel light.”

Oscar exhaled slowly. “That’s a good thing, Y/N.”

She nodded, her smile growing.

And Oscar?

Oscar couldn’t help but stare.

Because she looked…

Happy.

And it hit him—hard and fast and all at once.

He liked her.

Maybe more than he should.

Maybe more than he could.

And maybe—just maybe—

He was already too far gone.

🪻🪻🪻

They stopped in a small town one night, staying at a rundown inn that Y/N swore was charming.

Oscar, however, was too distracted.

Because Y/N had disappeared.

Not disappeared, exactly—more like vanished without telling him where she was going.

At midnight.

In an unknown place.

Oscar was losing his mind.

Then—finally—

She appeared.

Walking through the door, a plastic bag in her hand, completely oblivious to his panic.

He whipped around immediately. “Where the hell were you?!”

She blinked. “Buying snacks.”

Oscar’s eye twitched.

“Alone?”

She grinned. “Yeah. Why?”

Oscar exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You cannot just disappear in the middle of the night—”

She cut him off by shoving a chocolate bar against his chest.

Oscar frowned. “What—”

“I got you one,” she said simply, plopping down on the bed. “Stop being mad.”

Oscar stared at the chocolate.

Then at her.

Then back at the chocolate.

And for the first time in days, he smiled.

A real, unfiltered, amused smile.

Y/N froze immediately.

Then she gasped dramatically, pointing at him. “Oh my god.”

Oscar frowned. “What?”

She leaned closer, squinting at his face. “You’re smiling.”

Oscar rolled his eyes, unwrapping the chocolate. “Shut up.”

“No, no, no, wait!” She grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks. “I’ve never seen this before.”

Oscar swatted her hands away, biting back a laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”

She grinned mischievously. “I knew you had a face under all that brooding.”

Oscar sighed, shaking his head. “And I regret showing it to you.”

Y/N just laughed.

And Oscar?

Oscar wasn’t sure he regretted it at all.

🪻🪻🪻

A week later, they ended up in a quiet temple on a hilltop.

It wasn’t planned.

They were just wandering, like they always were.

Y/N wasn’t particularly religious, but she had insisted they stop.

“I just like the peace,” she had said.

So there they were.

Standing before the flickering oil lamps, surrounded by the scent of incense and marigolds.

Y/N closed her eyes, hands pressed together in a silent prayer.

Oscar?

Oscar didn’t know what to do.

So he just… watched her.

The way the candlelight caught in her hair.
The way she stood so still, so different from her usual restless energy.
The way her expression softened, like she had finally let go of something.

And then, suddenly—

She opened her eyes and caught him staring.

Oscar panicked immediately, looking away too fast.

But it was too late.

She grinned knowingly.

“Did you just pray for me?” she teased.

Oscar scoffed. “Not everything is about you.”

She bumped his arm. “What did you ask for?”

Oscar sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Not to fall any harder for you than I already have.

But instead, he just said—

“I wished for some peace and quiet.”

Y/N laughed.

“Sorry, Osc,” she said, linking her arm through his.

“You’re stuck with me.”

She sighed happily, turning her head toward him.

“You ever think about what comes next?”

Oscar frowned. “Next?”

“You know,” she said, waving her hand vaguely. “After all of this.”

Oscar hesitated.

Because, truthfully?

He hadn’t thought about it.

Because the second he thought about it, he would have to admit—

That eventually, they would go their separate ways.

And Oscar didn’t want to think about that.

Instead, he asked, “What about you?”

Y/N was quiet for a long moment.

Then, softly, she said—

“I think I’m already where I need to be.”

Oscar’s chest tightened painfully.

Because she was looking at him when she said it.

And for a brief, reckless second, he wanted to ask—

Are you talking about me?

But he didn’t.

Because if he asked—

And if she said yes—

Oscar wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to let her go.

And that?

That was too dangerous to risk.

So instead, he just smiled.

🪻🪻🪻

The rain came fast and unforgiving.

One moment, they were walking side by side, Y/N rambling about something ridiculous, Oscar half-listening, half-distracted by the way she waved her hands when she talked.

The next—the skies cracked open.

A downpour.

Y/N yelped, grabbing his arm. “Oscar! Shelter! Now!”

Oscar reacted instantly, tugging off his jacket and pulling it over both of their heads, dragging her toward the nearest building—a closed roadside stall with a rickety tin roof.

They pressed themselves against the wall, huddled under the jacket, rain hammering down around them, drenching everything in sight.

Oscar exhaled, running a hand through his already wet hair. “Of course it had to rain today.”

Y/N, breathless from running, grinned up at him. “Come on, rich boy. What’s life without a little drama?”

Oscar glanced down at her, and—

God.

She was so close.

The jacket barely covered them, forcing them to stand shoulder to shoulder, chest to chest, their faces just inches apart.

Oscar could feel her breath against his jaw, her fingers clutching the edge of the jacket, her damp hair sticking to her cheeks.

And suddenly, the rain wasn’t the only storm here.

Because in that tiny, confined space, with her pressed up against him, looking up at him with those wide, reckless eyes—

Oscar forgot how to breathe.

She was talking, still teasing him about something, but he couldn’t hear a damn word.

All he could hear was his own heartbeat.

Loud. Relentless. Impossible to ignore.

And from the way Y/N’s fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt, from the way her breath hitched just slightly—

He wasn’t the only one feeling it.

She felt it too.

The air changed, the laughter between them fading into something else, something heavier, something dangerous.

Oscar swallowed hard.

This was bad.

Because if he didn’t move—
If he didn’t step away, if he didn’t break whatever this was—

He was going to do something really, really stupid.

Like cup her face.
Or brush that damn strand of hair away from her cheek.
Or—god forbid—kiss her.

But then—

Y/N moved first.

Her fingers loosely curled around the fabric of his shirt, tugging him the slightest bit closer.

And Oscar?

Oscar didn’t stop her.

Didn’t move away.

Didn’t breathe.

Because she was looking at him like she was figuring something out.

Like she was realizing something she wasn’t ready to admit yet.

And Oscar?

Oscar had known for weeks now.

Her gaze flickered down—to his lips.

And Oscar was done for.

His fingers twitched, almost reaching for her, almost—

A loud voice broke through the moment.

“Hey, what are you two doing?!”

Oscar snapped out of it immediately, stepping back so fast he almost hit his head against the wall.

Y/N jumped, eyes wide, as they both turned toward the source of the interruption—

An old shopkeeper, standing a few feet away, staring at them like they were caught committing a crime.

Oscar cleared his throat aggressively, putting even more distance between them.

“Nothing,” he said, voice too sharp, too rushed.

Y/N blinked rapidly, as if trying to pull herself out of whatever spell they had been under.

Then—she let out a breathless laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, nothing! Just… avoiding the rain.”

The old man narrowed his eyes suspiciously, muttering something under his breath before walking away.

The moment he was gone, Oscar let out a slow exhale, running a hand down his face.

That was too close.

Way, way too close.

He risked a glance at Y/N, half-expecting her to tease him, make a joke, pretend like nothing happened.

But instead, she just stood there, staring at the rain, her hands tucked into her sleeves, lips pressed together.

Quiet.

Like she was still thinking about it.

And Oscar?

Oscar didn’t dare ask what was on her mind.

Because if he did—

If she said what he thought she might—

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to walk away this time.

🪻🪻🪻

They had been on the road for weeks.

Days blurred into each other—long car rides, small towns, fleeting moments that felt too big and too small at the same time.

Oscar wasn’t sure what they were looking for anymore.

At first, they had been running to something.

Now, it felt like they were just running away.

But one evening, as they sat by the banks of a quiet river in a town whose name they had already forgotten, Oscar suddenly spoke—

“I think it’s time to go home.”

Y/N stilled.

Because she had been waiting for this.

Waiting for the moment he would finally stop letting her pretend she was okay.

Because she wasn’t okay.

She hadn’t been okay since Karan.

And even though she still smiled, still talked too much, still dragged him into ridiculous situations—

Something in her had dimmed.

And Oscar hated it.

But he didn’t say that.

Instead, she simply nodded. “Okay.”

Silence.

Then Y/N exhaled, looking out at the water. “You don’t think my parents will kill me?”

Oscar smirked. “Your father? Definitely.”

She giggled softly, nudging his arm. “Thanks for the encouragement.”

Oscar looked at her for a long moment.

Then, quietly, he asked—

“Do you regret it?”

Y/N frowned. “Regret what?”

“All of it,” he said, watching her carefully. “Running away. Coming all this way. Finding out… that he wasn’t waiting for you.”

Y/N was silent for a long time.

Then, finally, she said—

“No.”

Oscar wasn’t expecting that.

She sighed, hugging her knees. “I mean, it hurts. And yeah, it was humiliating. But… I think I needed it.”

Oscar tilted his head. “How?”

Y/N smiled tiredly. “Because now I know.”

Oscar frowned. “Know what?”

She turned to him, eyes softer than he had ever seen them.

“That I was never supposed to end up with him.”

Oscar’s chest tightened painfully.

Because for some stupid reason, he wanted to ask—

Then who are you supposed to end up with?

But he didn’t.

Instead, he forced a smirk, leaning back on his palms. “Well, at least you still have me.”

He almost hesitated, before placing one of his hands over Y/N’s.

She grinned. “What would I do without you?”

And Oscar had no idea.

Because for the first time, he wasn’t sure where she ended and he began.

And that terrified him.

just writing the slow burn in this had me giggling. but not to worry everyone i’m super impatient and will definitely have something happen soon TRUST ME 😚😚

[gerrystamour]

here i have found some peace of mind [chapter two]

Rated E | Steddie

[ PREVIOUS ]

Steve gets to know 'Chris' a lot better. CW: This chapter deals a bit with dysphoria and deadnaming. Steve is deadnamed by a colleague in the chapter (which is based on a situation I actually went through and I'm personally working with HR to address). This chapter also delves into grief a little bit, particularly about the loss of a parent. Because apparently I not only wanted to process my Trans Feelings, but also my Grief Feelings. (Though my relationship with my dad before my dad passed was not strained) NOW INCLUDES AMAZING FANART drawn by my lovely lovely lovely friend Simon @sentient-trash !!

[ READ ON AO3 ]

longing for isolation, for starlit skies

Steve sat at his desk typing up an email to one of the event managers’ clients, quietly grumbling to himself about why he had to email them without any real heat. The managers were busy, and sometimes it just made more sense for Steve to email the clients outright. He would do it, he would just bitch about it while he did it.

“Steve.”

Looking up, he met Joyce’s eyes and cringed under her stern expression.

“Yes, Joyce?” he asked, but he already knew what this was about.

“I was looking through the turnovers. Did Nancy give you a group the other day?” she asked, and Steve looked at his computer.

“It’s just a band and film crew. I’ve already made contact with the client,” Steve said, his ears heating up when Joyce sighed.

“I’d like to speak to you in my office, please,” she said and walked away.

Sighing heavily, Steve finished the email he was working on, sent it, and locked his computer. When he got up and turned, Nancy was hovering at her cubicle and chewing her bottom lip.

“Sorry,” she mouthed, and Steve just rolled his eyes and trudged across the room to Joyce’s office and shut the door.

When he sat down heavily, Joyce sighed again.

“I’m not mad at you, Steve, so you can relax,” she soothed, and Steve tried to do just that. “I’m concerned because I don’t want you burning yourself out again.”

“I know. It’s just rooms, and it’s a band so it’s super easy,” Steve replied quickly. “She wanted me to handle it.”

“Then she should have turned it over properly and put it in the notes that she wanted you to handle it,” Joyce said sternly.

“Nancy seems to think that if she turned it over properly and asked for you to assign it to me, you would assign it to one of the other managers,” Steve said with a knowing raise of his eyebrows when Joyce looked away and cleared her throat. “C’mon, she has a point, Joyce.”

“That’s because if I agreed to assign every group she wants given to you, you would be back in the same mess you were last summer,” Joyce said a bit defensively. “Tell me about the group, and I’ll decide if you can keep it.”

“I already made contact with the client!” Steve said.

“And you were not actually assigned this group properly. If I decide I want to take the group from you, that is my decision to make as your manager,” Joyce said, standing her ground.

Steve sat up straighter and narrowed his eyes. “You would undermine your team like that in the eyes of the client?” he asked, and Joyce pursed her lips.

“And Nancy didn’t undermine me by assigning you a group?” she challenged, and Steve sighed heavily.

“It’s a band and film crew, about twenty rooms if I remember correctly. They’re arriving in July, have already sent the rooming list and the riders, and the tour manager has already received the confirmed rooming list,” Steve rattled off and leaned back in the chair to stare up at one of the motivational posters on the wall above his boss, getting ready for Joyce to take the turnover.

“Is there any catering?” she asked.

“Nope,” Steve replied, trying not to sound dejected. He really liked working with bands and film crews, so the two being combined? He was looking forward to it.

“Steve, you know I’m not trying to punish you, right?” Joyce asked imploringly.

“I know, but you’re also refusing to give me work that you know I actually enjoy,” he replied with a sigh as he looked back at her. “I know you’re worried about me burning out, but that means all I’ve gotten for almost a year has been small little meetings and pop-ups. I haven’t had a single tour, or band, or film crew in months and I’m starting to get sick of my work.”

“Why is this the first you’ve mentioned this?” Joyce asked, and Steve cringed at that.

“Because I knew you were just trying to help me, and I figured if I just kept going without complaining you’d stop babying me,” Steve replied honestly, shrugging one shoulder.

“Oh, Steve, I wasn’t trying to baby you or treat you like you were less capable,” Joyce replied with a big sigh. “And you telling me how you’re feeling about your work is not complaining.”

“Yeah, well,” Steve started, but just trailed off with another shrug. “Just… don’t give it to Tammy. She screws up rooms-only blocks like this every time, and I’ll practically be handling the group anyway.”

Joyce huffed a big sigh and shook her head. “You can keep this group. It has been a while, and I don’t want you burning out because you’re bored either,” she said and Steve looked at her, shocked. She still had a stern expression as she added, “I will be speaking to Nancy about going above me like that.”

“Of course,” Steve said quickly, so happy that he was keeping the group to feel bad that Nancy was going to get chewed out.

“And you! If you’re feeling that way about your work, you tell me, got it?” Joyce added firmly, pointing at him.

“Right, of course, absolutely,” Steve agreed, nodding quickly. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Joyce called and Tammy, one of the event managers, poked her head in.

“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but there’s someone calling for Steve?” she said with an apologetic grimace. “He said his name is Chris? I have him on hold right now.”

Steve nodded and turned to Joyce. “Are we good?” he asked, and Joyce smiled and nodded.

“Yep, we’re good,” she replied and waved him off.

When Steve got back to his desk, he heard Tammy speaking to Chris before she transferred the call. Steve picked up on the first ring.

“Good afternoon, Steve speaking?” he said quickly.

“Good afternoon, handsome. How are things going in hotel land?”

Steve chuckled and rolled his eyes a little bit. “Busy, as always. Can’t complain though,” he replied as he tapped his pencil against his notebook. “How can I help you, Chris?”

“What if I just wanted to hear your voice?” Chris teased, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’m on the clock. How can I help you?” Steve asked again, but there was a part of him that was still flattered by the attention, interested in the attention even.

And so began the almost-daily calls from Chris. Steve never actually reached out from his end because there was no reason for him to until they got closer to the actual stay. It was always Chris calling him to make requests, to discuss the area a bit more, or sometimes just to chat. As their work relationship progressed, Steve found it easier to fall into more friendly banter, even returning some of the flirting.

Steve still refused to try to find out who the band was or look Chris up, but mostly because he didn’t want to give a face to the man he was talking to on the phone just yet. He knew that if Chris was even half as hot as he sounded, he wouldn’t stand a chance.

As it stood, most days Chris would call, they would discuss matters pertaining to his band’s stay in July for five minutes, then spend the next twenty just talking about other stuff. Usually, it was just Steve talking about his job and complaining light-heartedly.

“The worst way to receive a rooming list is as a PDF,” Steve grumbled into the phone as he painstakingly copied and pasted a rooming list into a spreadsheet. “Please know that if a Group Housing Coordinator receives a rooming list as a PDF? They hate the client just a little bit.”

On the other end of the call, Chris chuckled before stopping abruptly. Steve smirked a bit as he could practically hear the dots connecting in Chris’ head.

“Didn’t we send our rooming list as a PDF?”

Steve snorted. “Maybe,” he replied cheekily, and Chris groaned.

“Is that why you are resisting my charm?” Chris whined and Steve laughed.

“That, and I’m also on the clock,” he reminded Chris teasingly.

“You could always give me your number?”

Steve sighed and thought back to the employee conduct manual. It would be wildly inappropriate to give a client his number. “Not while you’re my client,” he responded, resolving to pull out the conduct manual and read it over again.

“So… after?” Chris pressed and Steve laughed.

“I’m not making any promises, Chris,” Steve sighed, chewing his lip while a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

There was some shouting on the other end of the call and Chris sighed. “Alright, Stevie, that’s my cue to go in a bit. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Steve almost said yes, but then remembered he had requested the next day off. “No, unfortunately I won’t be in the office tomorrow. I’m taking a personal day,” he replied.

“Oh, doing anything fun or interesting?” Chris asked, and Steve actually grinned at how interested he sounded.

“I wish. Uh, nah, I have appointments and then visiting a cemetery, so,” Steve trailed off with a shrug before cringing. Chris couldn’t see him shrugging, what the hell?

“Oh shit, sorry. That was really stupid of me to ask,” Chris said, and Steve laughed.

“It’s all good, man. I wouldn’t’ve answered if it bothered me,” he admitted and on the other end of the line, Chris chuckled lightly.

“That makes sense. I’ll talk to you another time then.”

“Or you could relax and not call me again about your stay in July,” Steve insisted as he always did when they were about to hang up.

“Mm, no. I think I’ll continue to micromanage our stay, just to keep you on your toes, Stevie,” Chris replied and then hung up.

Steve sighed with a little grin as he hung his receiver up, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully.

“What the hell was that, Dingus?”

Steve nearly jumped out of his skin and looked up at Robin peering over his cubicle with wide eyes.

“Nothing,” Steve lied, and he could feel his face burning with his blush.

“Stephen, are you flirting with a client?” she hissed as she hurried around the cubicle wall to sit on his desk.

“No,” Steve hissed back, glancing around but thankfully no one was paying attention. “No, he is flirting with me.”

Robin gasped dramatically. “He?” she asked excitedly.

“Did you need something? Because I’m kind of busy,” Steve said, shoving his glasses up to scrub at his face.

“I texted you about food in Dustin’s Office, but you didn’t respond so I came to find you,” she immediately replied, smiling when Steve locked his computer and got up.

“I’m definitely in,” he replied happily.

“We’re talking about everything I overheard tomorrow, you hear me, Harrington?” Robin said as they walked, pointing at him accusingly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes with a chuckle.

❖

The next morning, Steve woke up with his normal alarm, even though he technically had the day off. It was a bit nice, being able to get up and not rush through his morning routine. He even had time to make a proper breakfast and eat it while listening to an audiobook.

Steve took his time in the shower and then shaving and doing his hair. With a small grimace, he put on gloves and tried to hold his breath as he smeared his testosterone gel on his shoulders. Holding his breath never seemed to work as the sting of the alcohol evaporating always hit his sinuses.

Once he was showered and groomed, Steve went back to his room to get dressed. “Robbie, time to get up!” he called as he passed Robin’s room, pounding on her door without pausing in his steps.

Forty-five minutes later, Steve and Robin were in the car on their way to the first of several errands and appointments. The two of them tried to schedule as many of their things for the same day as they could so Robin wouldn’t have to worry about catching the bus. Plus, it was generally just better to have company for errands and appointments.

“So, what’s up with you and your client?” Robin asked around a yawn, scrubbing her eyes. She had been working a huge dinner party until two in the morning the night before, and hadn’t gotten home until after three.

“Nothing is up, Robs,” Steve muttered, trying to recall the perfectly good explanations he had come up with for what she overheard yesterday but drawing a complete blank. “He just calls a lot, and he just flirts with me. It’s nothing.”

“Okay, but you were definitely flirting back,” Robin said, and Steve shot a quick glare at her. “C’mon, Steve, I can tell when you’re flirting, and you were definitely flirting. I’ve heard you shutting people down before and you were not doing that. Maybe you thought you were, but you weren’t.”

“Fine, maybe I was flirting back. It’s not like it matters, or like anything’ll come of it. He’ll get bored eventually, and he’s only going to be in town for like… three days,” Steve said explosively, running a hand through his hair. “If we hook-up, and that’s a huge if, it’ll be super casual because he’ll be off to the next place, so, whatever.”

There was a long pause, the silence between them deafening.

“Steve,” Robin finally started, and her voice was the gentle one she only brought out when Steve was being especially reckless. “You know how you are with casual…”

Cringing, Steve tried to wrangle up some kind of defense against that. But it was true, it was largely why he struggled so much with dating and a huge factor in why he and Nancy didn’t work out. Steve’s feelings for people seemed to move at the speed of light with zero in-between, whether they were platonic or romantic. The reason he only had one friend was thanks to Robin being very similar, or at least receptive to having someone immediately prepared to die for her after two proper conversations.

“Like I said, he’ll get bored eventually,” Steve said instead of addressing Robin’s point out loud. “It’s not like he even talks about himself much.”

“Maybe you should ask him about himself,” Robin suggested, shrugging when Steve glanced at her questioningly. “If he’s just in it for some casual sex while he’s in town, he’ll probably avoid opening up, right? But if not… just because he’s not in town long doesn’t mean it has to be casual.”

Steve considered Robin’s words for a few moments, rolling them around in his head. “Maybe,” he conceded after a bit, ignoring the smug smile that split Robin’s face.

A few hours later found the two of them at the big cemetery near the posh neighbourhood where Steve grew up in the suburbs. It was one of the errands Steve dreaded, but he did it every year anyway.

Steve didn’t like visiting graves. It felt performative, fake, like it was an act he was putting on. There were better places for him to visit where he felt closer to that person than their grave. But Steve knew that if his mom arrived tomorrow and there were no flowers from Steve on his dad’s grave, she would immediately call him and demand an explanation.

He didn’t hold it against her, not at all. Melissa Harrington was amazing, even if she wasn’t very present in Steve’s life as he was growing up. She was doing what she could to make up for that, and even now that Steve had moved out to the city, they met up regularly for brunch on the weekends.

Steve’s relationship with his dad had been strained just before his unexpected passing. Thomas Harrington had grand ideas about Steve’s future, and he pushed Steve hard to reach that potential. He hadn’t done it cruelly, by any means, just thoughtlessly and without considering Steve’s wishes at the time. When Steve had gotten his first job at a hotel and fallen in love with hospitality, Thomas was not very happy and made his displeasure known.

Ultimately, though, Thomas had been coming around. He’d started showing an interest in Steve’s work and growth at his property. They were fighting less and enjoying each other’s company more often again.

One of the last conversations Steve had with his dad had been an aborted attempt to come out of the closet. Steve never got the actual words— “Dad, I think I’m a boy…”—but there was something in the way Thomas had gripped his shoulder firmly and pulled him into a tight hug that said he knew and that it was okay.

If Steve had known he wouldn’t get another chance to try again…

After a lengthy walk, they finally arrived at Thomas’ grave and Steve immediately began tidying it up. The graveyard was well maintained, so there wasn’t much for him to do, but it felt better fussing over brushing grass off the gravestone than just standing there. Once he was done, Steve laid the flowers on the grave and stood back up.

Robin had joined Steve on his annual visit to his dad’s grave since the first anniversary of his passing. She never questioned why he didn’t say anything when he was there, and she never tried to make him. It was the one reason he always visited the day before the actual anniversary to avoid running into his mom. Melissa would spend hours at Thomas’ grave talking to the gravestone, and she didn’t understand why Steve couldn’t.

It just felt weird to talk to a slab of granite in the middle of a silent field of slabs of granite. The body six feet below them wasn’t his dad anymore; that body stopped being his dad suddenly and quietly—painlessly, the doctors all insisted—in the middle of the night seven years ago.

“Need more time, Dingus?” Robin asked quietly, and Steve took a deep breath. Reaching up to rub his eyes, he found that he’d been crying.

Quickly wiping the tears off his cheeks, Steve shook his head. “No, I’m good,” he said, and he sighed happily when Robin tucked herself under his arm.

“We should get take-out tonight. We earned it after all our running around, yeah?” she said and wrapped her arm around Steve’s waist.

Steve smiled and nodded. “Yeah, take-out sounds perfect,” he hummed, tugging Robin in tightly against his side to kiss the top of her head.

❖

Returning to work the next day was hard, but Steve needed to keep up the momentum. If he took the rest of the week off like his mom always tried to get him to do, Steve would wallow and come back to work in a worse mood.

Unfortunately for him, he had the absolute displeasure to open his emails to find one of the above-property sales managers deadnaming him to not one, not two, but three different clients.

It wasn’t the first time she used his deadname in an email directly with a client. She did that a lot, and Steve was endlessly patient about it because he knew this came with the territory of not legally changing his name yet. The main system where this sales manager would see his name still had his legal one, and Steve reasoned that she oversaw too many properties to remember his preferred name.

It was different this time.

Good afternoon Martha,

Thank you so much for reaching out about your request to add more rooms to your block! I am connecting you with my amazing on-property colleague Carly (Steve) who will follow-up with you if they have availability. She will be delighted to assist you.

It was the first time she added his preferred name in parentheses like that with a double-whammy of using the wrong pronouns. Steve stared at the email, and then the other two and, yup, sure enough she did the same exact thing in every email. The kicker for him was the fact that the sales manager had, at some point, added her pronouns in her signature.

Steve drafted an absolutely scathing email that would absolutely get him fired if he actually hit send. The vent helped a bit, so he deleted it and focused on actioning the requests and replying to the clients. His signature obviously had his proper name and pronouns, so he hoped politely responding would make her look like the moron she was to the clients.

But he was set even further off-kilter by the whole interaction. On top of his grief, he felt like he was drifting outside of his body, above it and slightly to the left so that he could observe himself. Everything felt wrong, things he hadn’t felt dysphoria over in years crawling back up to suffocate him.

He felt nauseous at the way his hands moved on the keyboard or lifted his cup of coffee to his lips, the way he crossed his ankles under his chair or waved to Nancy as she walked past. Steve laughed at a joke Tammy told him, and the sound of it in his ears was like shards of glass and he just barely concealed his grimace long enough for Tammy to turn away. Steve caught himself chewing his nails at some point because they were too long, people could tell.

Steve was proudly out as trans. He managed to get his pronoun and pride pins approved against his property’s dress code and all of his public social media disclosed that he was trans. All anyone had to do was look him up online and they would know. 

That didn’t mean he wanted to be seen as trans all the time.

He knew he was fortunate enough that HRT treated him well and he had been able to afford top surgery, so he “passed” pretty well. That meant he could have the safety of people’s assumptions in situations where that person might be hostile if they found out. Passing made his job a lot easier, even if a lot of his work with clients happened over emails and only face-to-face once they came to the hotel.

To be outed from the get-go in those emails? It, quite frankly, sucked.

The giant shit cherry on top of the shit sundae was that Steve had to renew his security badge with the airport that day, too. 

All of his paperwork was under his legal name, obviously, but the security agent the year before had let him put his preferred name on his badge. When he made the same request to the agent this year, she argued with him about it in front of the other people in the pass office. The agent only agreed to put his preferred name on the badge when her manager came around to investigate the hold-up and gave her a stern look.

If Steve wasn’t so raw from everything else, he would have been grateful. However, he just felt sick, like he had bullied them into letting him keep a badge that didn’t have his deadname on it. 

Like he was getting away with something because he was a big enough dick about it.

By the time he returned to his desk, he had more emails from the bitch from sales and one of the clients responded asking who “Carly” was, and Steve was ready to go home.

Just then, his phone rang, and he couldn’t even muster the energy to check who it was.

“Chicago In-Terminal Hotel Events, this is Steve speaking. How can I assist you?” he rattled off in his best customer-service voice given the circumstances.

“Heya, Stevie! You kinda sound like shit, man.”

Steve laughed humourlessly, even as something loosened in his chest at hearing Chris’ voice. “Thank God someone knows how to use my actual name,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

There was a pause before Chris sternly said, “Of course. What sort of asshole doesn’t use your actual name if they know it?”

“You’d be surprised,” Steve said vaguely, minimizing his emails so he didn’t have to look at them while on the phone with Chris. “What’s up, Chris?”

“Honestly? I’m just kind of bored and I missed chatting with you yesterday,” Chris replied, and his tone was so sincere that Steve felt bad that he was in such a messed up mood. “I know you’re on the clock, but if you have time…?”

Steve tapped his pencil against his notebook as he considered. He was in a rotten mood, but he already felt himself settling back into his skin, feeling a lot less jagged and wrong just after a couple minutes listening to Chris’ voice. That was a bit scary to consider, given the nature of their relationship. This guy shouldn’t have that much power over Steve’s moods, yet he did.

Remembering Robin’s suggestion from the day before, Steve decided to try that.

“Listen, Chris, I’ve had a really shitty day and talking about myself would suck for you,” Steve started slowly, taking a deep breath. “Maybe you could tell me about you? It feels like I do most of the talking…”

There is another long pause. “I dunno, man, there isn’t much to say about myself…”

Steve’s stomach dropped at the deflection. So, did that mean the interest was just casual on Chris’ end? He didn’t want to open up because he was just looking for a quick fuck, nothing more? Steve lied to himself and decided he could live with that, probably.

“Okay, sure. I’ll have to talk to you some other time then,” Steve said, his voice going tight.

“Steve, wait, don’t hang up. I didn’t—there’s just not a lot to talk about that isn’t already all over the internet, y’know?” Chris laughed a bit and added very quietly, “like, I’m surprised we’re even still talking at all at this rate.”

Steve frowned at the last bit, and reconsidered his decision not to sleuth out who the band was. Were there some shady details surrounding Chris Cunningham or the band he was managing the tour for?

“Dude, you—I haven’t even looked up the band you’re managing. I have no idea who you are,” Steve admitted, and the startled laugh he received brought a smile to his face. “Besides, why would I take what the internet says about you when I could get the real details directly from the source? Would you look at my socials and decide you knew me based on that?”

Chris chuckled. “I mean, I have peeked at your socials, Steve,” he confessed, and Steve felt his blush all the way down to his bellybutton. “I didn’t do much digging, I promise! I just—I’m very visual and wanted to put a face to your voice.”

“No, you’re all good, my public socials are, well, public for a reason,” Steve said with a laugh, chewing his lip a bit. “You, uh, like what you saw?”

Chris gave a quiet groan. “You’ve no idea, big boy,” he confessed softly, his voice deep and rumbling through the line, raising goosebumps up the back of Steve’s neck. Then Chris took a deep breath and asked, “okay, Stevie, what do you want to know about me?”

Everything, Steve almost said, and he barely stopped himself. “You mentioned your uncle once. Can you tell me about him?” he said instead, and Chris’ laugh was beautiful.

“My Uncle Wayne, literally one of the best things to ever happen to me, honestly,” Chris sighed.

“Only one of the best things?” Steve questioned curiously.

“I mean, the band actually breaking onto the scene makes that list,” Chris laughed, then added, “getting to talk to you is on there, too.”

“Shut up,” Steve laughed, blushing at how genuine Chris managed to make that absolute line sound. “Okay, tell me about your uncle.”

“Uncle Wayne basically raised me. I lived with my own folks until I was like, thirteen? I think? Then moved in with Wayne. My old man wasn’t a fan of my lifestyle and all that,” Chris explained, his tone flippant, like it didn’t hurt anymore, but Steve had a feeling that wasn’t true.

“It sucks that your parents were like that,” Steve said quietly, hoping Chris heard the sincerity in his voice.

“Yeah, but hey, I wouldn’t’ve met the boys or—yeah, the boys, y’know? Wayne taught me everything I know about guitars and music and shit,” Chris said fondly.

“You play guitar?” Steve pushed, a little embarrassed at how much more attractive Chris was with that little bit of new information.

There was silence over the line for several moments, long enough for Steve to get concerned the call was about to drop when Chris finally said, “Yeah, uh, like a little bit? I don’t play as much as I used to, and obviously not good enough to actually be in the band or anything.”

Chris was laughing at that in a way that didn’t quite sound forced but it didn’t sound real either. “Well, I still think that’s really cool. Always had a thing for musicians,” he teased instead, smirking at the startled laugh that bubbled out of Eddie.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Stevie,” Chris said, his voice low in a way that had Steve shivering.

The next couple of weeks passed with daily phone calls from Chris where he vaguely talked about his life prior to the band taking off, about the band mates and their antics. He mentioned a YouTube channel briefly once, and Steve was tempted to find it but… he liked getting to know Chris without that crutch. Steve liked the mystery of not knowing what Chris looked like.

Steve was really smitten with the way Chris talked about the people in his life, the way his tone would turn so painfully affectionate that Steve could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Did Chris have dimples? He hoped Chris had dimples. Steve was always a sucker for dimples. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Chris told his friends about their conversations, and if Chris spoke about him with that same tone.

If Steve also became a bit more active and a bit sluttier on his socials knowing Chris was maybe monitoring them, that was his business.

“You seem really close with the band for a tour manager,” Steve commented one day after Chris told him a funny story about the frontman nearly falling off the stage during a recent soundcheck. Apparently, he went to lean on his cane purely out of habit, forgetting he wasn’t using it at that moment, and was barely saved by one of the other band members.

“We’ve all been best friends since, like, middle school,” Chris said quietly, and Steve’s smile was big enough to hurt his face. “The band got serious about the dream in high school and then the five of us just… did what we had to to stay together.”

“That’s amazing. I only have, like, one friend that I’ve had more than a year,” Steve said, and he cringed at how pathetic that sounded.

“C’mon, no way,” Chris laughed, and Steve cringed again.

“I’m serious, man. I was… I used to be an asshole,” Steve confessed lightly, thinking back to the way he was in high school and his only attempt at college.

It was a lot of desperately performing a gender that felt wrong and overcompensating for his feelings of inadequacy. He remembered the way he lashed out and held people at arm’s length, the way he would sling cutting remarks at anyone who seemed to be thriving in their own weirdness. How dare they be weird and happy, when Steve had been trying so hard to be normal and was so miserable for it?

Steve felt bad for Carly when he looked back on those memories. She wasn’t real and, on some level, she knew that, even back then when she had no vocabulary for it. Not being real was scary, confusing, painful, and like a wounded animal she bit and clawed anyone who came near enough to see how hollow she was.

That didn’t mean Steve stood by those actions, that he didn’t feel immensely guilty for them, but he was working on showing compassion to that part of himself. It was something he learned in therapy the handful of times he actually went.

“Hm, well, you don’t seem like an asshole anymore,” Chris said, breaking Steve out of his thoughts.

“I’m trying everyday not to be,” Steve agreed, smiling as he tapped his pencil against his notebook.

Chris paused for a bit, sighing. “Go to dinner with me,” he said abruptly. “We’re at the hotel for three nights, right? Go to dinner with me.”

Steve’s breath left him in a whoosh at the blunt request. It was more of a command and that thought left Steve feeling a bit lightheaded. “You’re my client—” Steve started, and Chris made a bit of a noise.

“The way I see it, I stop actually being your client at five that Friday when you clock-out, right?” Chris said a bit suggestively, and Steve blushed.

Steve had looked up the employee conduct manual and the official rules were that dating clients was allowed as long as it happened off the clock and off-property. Their phone calls were blatantly against those rules, but they discussed enough about the room block each time to justify the conversations a little bit.

“Stevie?” Chris sounded so unsure that Steve instantly felt bad for letting his brain run away with him.

“It definitely has to be when I’m off the clock, and we can’t have dinner on-property,” Steve practically whispered into the phone and Chris made a triumphant little noise that brought a grin to Steve’s face.

“Fuck yeah, Stevie, I can’t wait! I know the perfect place!” Chris gushed and then some shouting in the background caught Chris’ attention. “Yeah! I know—I’ll be there in a—fuck off Garebear, I’ll fucking cut you—Stevie, I gotta go, okay?”

Steve laughed and nodded. Grimacing as he reminded himself that Chris couldn’t see him, Steve said, “yeah, of course. Talk to you later.”

“You know it, gorgeous,” Chris cooed and then dial-tone was droning in Steve’s ear.

It took Steve probably a full minute to actually hang the receiver up and wipe the grin off his face.

[ NEXT ]

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[tevanbegins]

Random musings I wanted to share with my fellow Buck x Tommy stans. Read and humour me, please. 😉

So being in this 9-1-1 ship war is kinda making me feel like we are in the film 'My Best Friend's Wedding.' Here's my analysis of the movie and how it is relevant to the whole Buck-Tommy-Eddie conflict in the fandom:

Julia Roberts' character Jules represents the B*ddies, Cameron Diaz's character Kimmy represents us Bucktommies, and the hero Michael represents Buck who is caught in the middle of it all.

So in the movie, Jules (B*ddies) tries every trick in the book to sabotage Kimmy (Bucktommies) and split her and Michael (Buck) up. But all her desperate attempts are ultimately in vain, because Michael truly loves Kimmy, and the film ends on a happy and positive note with Michael and Kimmy getting married and Michael and Jules staying best friends (or should I say buddies, pun totally intended 💀) as they always were.

You know where I am going with this rambling right? (Also, please watch the movie if you haven't. 😁) Below are a few noteworthy points and takeaways from the film:

• Kimmy came later in Michael's life, but there was practically nothing to hate about her and there was no denying that she was great for him. So, even though Jules thought Michael was rightfully hers because she had been a part of his life much longer and tried to paint Kimmy as the villain, she failed because Kimmy was never the bad guy in the story as she was hell bent on making her out to be.

[Takeaway: Finding your true love in someone doesn't always need a long history of acquaintance or friendship with that person. Also, the new person doesn't automatically become the wrong choice for endgame because of the lack of said history. Neither is the BFF entitled to your romantic affections just because you've been too close for too long. Platonic soulmates can be a thing too.]

• Kimmy never tried to undermine Jules' significance in Michael's life as his best friend. Even though Kimmy and Michael got their happy endgame, the film didn't dismiss the importance of Jules and Michael's friendship.

[Takeaway: Buck's thriving romance with Tommy is not a threat to his friendship with Eddie and vice versa. Both relationships are different and are beautiful in their own ways. In fact, Buck and Tommy's love story began with Tommy clarifying that he understood his deep bond with Eddie and so he never intended to get in between that.]

So, my point is, Buck x Tommy being endgame is never going to reduce the significance of Buck and Eddie's friendship. It will always be important because it is beautiful, and if the Tevan romance is hampering certain people's enjoyment of B*ddie, that is because they can't look past their desperate want of a romantic/sexual relationship between those friends. They themselves are sending out the message that Buck and Eddie's friendship has zero value if it doesn't end in a romance, that the multiple years/seasons of developing a strong bond between those two is useless if they don't eventually fuck.

The difference between us Tevan stans and those B*ddie truthers is that we accept and acknowledge how important Eddie will always be to Buck even if he falls in love with Tommy, whereas the BoBs so badly want to believe that Tommy is a villain because he is the cockblock to their delusions (pardon my language). If Buck-Eddie's friendship in and of itself genuinely mattered to them, Tommy's arrival would never have ruffled their feathers. So they can whine and cry foul all they want, but nothing is going to change the fact that Buck x Tommy is as beautiful and important a romance as Buck x Eddie is as a friendship on the show, just as the message in the movie depicts.

To conclude, I have faith that Tevan will keep rising and flourishing and winning over all the stupid hate! Hope you'll enjoyed my little piece of romcom-inspired wisdom!

[tomdayaqna]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on TZs project since you’ve been gone! Did you watch TCR? Do you see Dune or Challengers? Which future project(s) of theirs are you most excited about?

I've watched them all. Here are my brief PERSONAL thoughts on each one in order of release:

TCR- Tom was excellent in this, he demonstrated a range I've always known he has and I especially loved seeing him in drag as Ariana. Whilst I think critics were needlessly harsh on it I do think the script was definitely the weakest part, the pacing of the show was all over the place with the start being almost glacial then they had to rush to wrap it up. None of the characters outside of Danny felt well developed, I think developing Amanda Seyfried's character and her interiority more would've made the dynamic between her and Danny much more interesting. The directing and cinematography/general visuals of the show were a bit dull, there was clearly not really a singular vision in terms of direction which makes sense knowing the behind the scenes drama.

Dune Part 2: Really well directed, shot, acted etc. I like that they changed Chani's role so she wasn't so reverent to Paul (I know some book fans didn't like it but the books depiction of the relationship between the colonised and the coloniser with no resistance is deeply problematic and disgusting) but I'm curious to see how they bring Paul and Chani back together in Messiah without completely undermining Chani's characterisation up to this point, or will they alter large parts of Messiah too? Overall I think I'm ambivalent about Dune as a franchise because of the orientalist origins of the books and I think the films just completely ignoring these origins (their refusal to use the word jihad is hilarious) rather than addressing it and having interesting commentary on the relationship between western sci-fi and orientalism/Islam is disappointing, but I do appreciate the films from a technical standpoint. And Z was excellent; I think about that final scene a lot.

Challengers: Such a sexy and sensual film. I liked how it looked at sensuality and how sex informs interpersonal relationships all without using sex. I loved seeing Z play someone so different to both herself and all her previous roles. I loved that the film doesn't attempt to over explain or justify Tashi's behaviour to try and make her sympathetic; we need more female characters written like that. The score, editing and cinematography was of course excellent. I will say the part of the film I found weakest was regarding Tashi and Art's child, she sort of felt like she was just there...I guess in a way parenthood was secondary to everything else going on but a bit of exploration into how parenthood changed Tashi and Art relationship dynamics (if at all), how motherhood changed Tashi and her relationship with her injured body etc. or just anything to make it believable to me that these people were parents to this child would've made the film 10/10. Still it was definitely my favourite of all the projects from them.

As far as what I'm excited for The Drama and The Odyssey! With The Drama I'm so curious given how little we know about it, and I've seen the director's other film 'Sick of Myself' which was such a fascinating character study. With The Odyssey I like Nolan, but I think with the fuckload of money and free reign he's being given this can be a masterpiece or a Megalopolis lmao

[celeste-i]

so so so so disappointed in Nosferatu. putting my review under a read more cus it's long

how can you have Mr "I'm your shame around sex" the demon and then make such a sexless movie. everyone is beautiful but nobody is horny. 4 people with iPhone face plus Willem Dafoe stiffly acting and explaining every plot point to the audience while falling into every horror movie cliche that's been done since the dawn of horror cinema. a beautifully shot film whose carefully crafted settings and environments are constantly interrupted and undermined by an obnoxious soundtrack, jarring jumpcuts and unnecessary drama. if it let itself be slow and eerie and mundane, it would have been actually scary. if it played on any real societal taboo or fear, it would have been good

but as it is, it remains a simulacrum of gothic horror. Christianity was constantly referenced but nobody felt Christian. their beliefs felt modern (why would Ellen feel betrayed by whatshisface the shipwright for tying her up during her convulsions when that was sound medical advice for the time?). our two couples are ready to fuck at the drop of a hat which is confusing to me when Nosferatu is supposed to be the dark eroticism that people long for when being in a relationship whose boundaries are dictated by religion. what fear around sexuality is there exactly if our very first scene is of Ellen asking for sex from her husband? do these people really fear the devil and gods wrath? the film suggests any religious explanation for what's happening is nonsense and irrational in the face of science. would these people believe so thoroughly in science? would they not have doubts about it? would god and satan not linger in the backs of their minds in shadow? would they be able to tell god and satan apart? where's the spirituality!!!

adding onto the film's strange relationship with sex, sex was constantly hinted at and even shown at times but nobody was sexy. yeah Ellen's got her tits out, yeah the counts got his cock out, but where's the sensuality? where's the feeling that these people want to fuck even if it kills them?

the one scene where it genuinely was erotic and fell into the themes of rape, where Ellens body seems to be moving closer and closer to the count against her own will while verbally telling him that she abhors him, the film can't even let that be! he throws her to the ground and starts yelling at her for insulting him. the whole "you say no but your body says yes" is one of the most classic elements of coercion and rape and the ambiguity of consent, which would have played excellently with Nosferatu's ability to manipulate people's minds -- and the possibility that Ellen isn't being manipulated. she believes she is but she is actually willingly giving herself up, which is what he wants after he tricked her husband into selling her. but that would be too confusing for audiences wouldn't it? instead they have Ellen talking directly to the audience saying "Nosferatu is the personification of my shame! he is the thing I wished for in my loneliest hours! I wanted companionship no matter how grotesque!" okay. I mean I would have figured that out if you gave me the chance.

I didn't feel like any of the characters were people. they were a few traits, they were nothing more than a cast list for a Shakespeare play. LILY-ROSE DEPP as THE COUNT'S BRIDE, NICOLAS HOULT as THE MEEK BUSINESSMAN HUSBAND. it's annoying. every line of dialogue moved the plot forward but it said nothing about the characters motivations. why does anyone do anything in this film? if they can't explain it through obvious dialogue, it doesn't get shown. for example, instead of showing us that whatshisface the shipwright loves his daughters, he outright tells ellens husband "I love those girls" and then there's a cliche scene of him taking them to bed and going to kill the "monster" they're afraid of (really clumsy foreshadowing). a scene from a different film that shows parental love excellently is in jaws, where our main character is sitting at a table stressed about the shark killing people and nothing being done about it. he rubs his eyes, folds his hands, and notices his very young son sitting across from him copying his every move. they play this game for a few seconds, and then he asks his son for a kiss, the son asks why, and he says "because I need it". it's such a sweet, heartwarming moment that is infinitely more effective than any bit of dialogue. it is such a phenomenal example of "show don't tell" that it's stuck in my mind. real emotion, real love, real childhood innocence in the face of our protagonist being tortured by something the child could not comprehend the scale of.

and I just think so many films made recently cannot show, so they must explain and explain as if they're afraid of the audience not getting it. like the worst thing a film can be nowadays is confusing. so now Nosferatu is about visuals and not much else. and it does the visuals so well, better than I've seen in many films! the shadow work is amazing and I will forever be thinking about that shadowy hand manipulating the world around him. power through darkness, and within it, all the things Christianity and science and purity have said is wrong. but everything after the visuals falls so short for me.

I suppose a film can't be all things at once. but I'm disappointed. especially after seeing so many people making fun of people who didn't get the film, or whose sensibilities were offended by the gothic subject matter, or who couldn't understand allegory. hey guys, what the fuck are you talking about? did we watch something different? the themes were plainly explained, and the ones that weren't aren't difficult to pick out; and the gothic subject matter is fucking toothless and doesn't actually do anything seriously taboo. they dont even show whatshisface the shipwright fucking his wife's corpse. come on man. and I'm not even going to get into the corny acting