#it took me about 8 years to getting round to watching those 2 episodes because Face the Raven destroyed me so hard
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Redraw of the cape post, because that entire concept deserved better than the illustration I gave it.
#just give 12 a cape it's all I ask#yes I was watching Musketeers again#doctor who fanart#twelfth doctor#clara oswald#whouffaldi#twelveclara#guess who watched Heaven Sent + Hellbent again#I only cried half a tear but I did get Really sweaty#which is an improvement from last time#it took me about 8 years to getting round to watching those 2 episodes because Face the Raven destroyed me so hard#I'm pretty sure I couldnt eat for a whole day after FtR aired#although at that point I had been steadily absorbing Clara's personality into my own for a few years#I don't have a personality I stole it from Clara Oswald#read all of the 12clara books. listened to the audiobooks. Running out of content at a concerning rate#had to buy another comic#one day I'll have consumed all 12+Clara content. Then I'll just have to take matters into my own hands (make it myself)
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My thoughts on 8.05 and prediction for 8.06 below the break 🩶
Genuinely one of my favourite episodes of the entire show!
My favourite episodes are the largely farcical ones and this one (Denny almost dying not withstanding) definitely fed into that.
So, here are my reasons/favourite moments
Seeing silly/ridiculous Buck again. We’ve not seen him overthinking something ridiculous like a curse for a while and though he’s grown and matured massively over the 8 seasons, seeing his almost child like wonder of the supernatural is one of my favourite character traits of his.
Seeing Buck and Tommy behave as a couple in a settled relationship (yes I know there’s a hurdle in the next episode but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it in 2 weeks). But specifically I loved seeing A) Tommy so effortlessly and happily taking care of Buck—bringing him an ice pack, getting him pain killers, plumping his pillows, getting up before him to make him coffee and breakfast. And B) more importantly (for me at least) seeing Buck happily accept the care. It’s a fantastic example of how far Buck has grown to where he isn’t instinctively resisting the care for fear of being seen as needy or a burden.
On that note Lou nailed the boil discovering scene. His body language throughout the whole scene had me laughing so hard.
Tommy’s sass. No explanation needed.
Tommy and Eddie teaming up. I love their friendship. And actually I think Eddie needed someone like Tommy in his life. Yes he has Buck and I adore their friendship, but remember Buck isn’t into sports or cars etc so Tommy being into those things and having served in the army gives Eddie someone who can relate to him with the things that Buck can’t.
For all the sassy comments Tommy made to Buck about Billy Boils curse, the entire time he still took care of Buck and was there for him in every way he needed. Even going as far as to put on a suit to attend a funeral his boyfriend wanted to do for a 120 year old corpse. He stood at the sidelines and listened fondly to everything Buck said.
And let’s not forget he stayed at the hospital to make sure Denny was okay.
The last frame of Tommy looking into the camera telling Billy Boils to knock off the curse.
As for 8.06..
Here’s the thing. If you’ve been watching the show long enough (and actually paid attention) you’ll notice that they don’t often go down the obvious route for drama that all the other similar shows do. (It was obvious Tommy would fly the plane, it was obvious Tommy would have issues with Gerrard being back or Gerrard would make a thing about Buck and Tommy, as examples) but none of things happened.
I’m not saying they don’t do obvious or predictable things but for the most part we’re often proved wrong in our guesses (which personally is one of the reasons I love the show).
With that in mind, we know that Buck is going to find out about something from Tommys past (as per an interview with Oliver)
Everyone is predicting it’ll be something to do with his own time at the 118 and Buck finding out about his behaviour. I think this is highly unlikely. Purely because those who know about Tommy 1.0–Bobby Chim and Hen—would have likely told Buck already (maybe even Tommy himself—we know he’s ashamed of it given his comment about Gerrard not making him a better person) and if for a second they thought Tommy was bad for Buck they love him enough to have said something to warn him off.
My personal guess (for what it’s worth) is that it’ll be something totally random. Such as him being married (totally over his ex but for some reason hasn’t got round to divorcing him yet). Or maybe he doesn’t want to ever get married or have kids. Or even maybe an amazing job offer is potentially on the cards the other side of the country.
Im not saying these ideas are super likely or unlikely—I’m just guessing random things to use as part of my point that I think it’ll be something not as obvious as Tommy’s 118 past.
Only shit thing is we now have to wait 2 whole weeks to find out!
#911 abc#911#911onabc#tommy kinard#bucktommy#911 buck#evan buckley#buck x tommy#evan buck buckely#911 spoilers#911 season 8#911 8.05
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A list of things I will never be over in no particular order: back with a vengeance
part: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
1. I know I've mentioned Ji Sung in almost every list I've made but I can't help it. This man has been doing dramas for a long time. Secret Love was so fucked up. There are still scenes in it that I still randomly think about. If you haven’t watched it yet you definitely should.
2. The totally platonic with absolutely no romantical tension whatsoever bromance in You're All Surrounded that was our second leads. It took me so long to get on board with Jung Ho but his two besties were loyal af and lowkey in love with each other.
3. The first couple of episodes of My Secret Romance were fun but then I didn’t keep watching- I don't remember why. But all I can think about when I think about that drama is his wonderful offended/exasperated face which he used a lot in the first couple of episodes. I just love the way his eyebrows scrunch. But can I find that particular gif?? No. So this one instead:
4. The theme song for Kill Me Heal Me is iconic and I love it. One word or note plays and it's stuck in my head for days.
5. And not to keep talking about School 2013 but I'm going to keep talking about School 2013. I loved the bromance turned to enemies turned to secretly pining for each other turned to maybe friends turned to literal husbands that was Kim Woo-bin and Lee Jong-suk. Like they -SPOILERS- decided to open a noodle shop together and live happily ever after. -SPOILERS- That is literal husband behavior. Someone fight me on this! I would love to make a PowerPoint.
And cause I can add more gifs I choose to add more of these two:
6. But ALSO pertaining to School 2013: I love the complete 180 they both do with the baby delinquents. These two tall boys who both got held back and have lived complete lives (like they are both emotionally 60-year-old men who don't know how but they are still in high school) long before they both meet again in the tiny angel woman's classroom. Not only do they have to confront each other but they both decide that the baby delinquents need guidance and who better than them. They have lived those lives already and don't want their ducklings to go down the same path. I just love it.
7. I liked Korean Odyssey a lot. I love Lee Seung Gi and his bff who is in every drama with him. It was cute and fun BUT and this isn't something I love but something I super do not love-- we are back in that trend of every kdrama ending being open-ended/ that pretend-happily-ever-after thing that leaves a bittersweet taste in your mouth after you turn off the show. I blame this drama and these writers for kick-starting this whole trend again. Because these bittersweet open-ended endings lead to the "artistic bleak real world sucks" type of ending where everyone dies all the time. I've already lived through this once and will not survive another round. I might have to stop watching dramas considering recent dramas like Vincenzo and Crash Landing On You and how they did that open-ended bullshit.
8. Also not to bring School 2013 up again BUT that moment in School 2013 where Go Nam Soon comes home after getting the shit beat out of him and he lies on his bed in his empty lonely house and tells himself that he’s okay over and over. Literally, stab me in the heart and it would hurt less.
9. This is School 2013 adjacent but only because Jang Na-ra picks great drama's to be in. Her style in I Remember You— first of all I love her and her pretty face. Second of all, I really liked really everything she wore. I'm a big fan of the grunge-leather-flannels-and-black look. So surprising, I know.
10. And to bring it back to Healer once again-- I have to mention it every post it seems-- but when he's pretending to be Bong So and they go to interview the first jackass... are you with me here? I don't remember the jackass's name. But okay the moment when Cha Young-shin is having a panic attack because of the violence in front of her and Bong-soo can't do his parkour ultimate fighting skills stuff cause he's Bong-soo and not Seo Jung-ho. So he creates a distraction for the guards and helps Cha Young-shin get out of her panic attack by being helpless Bong-soo who doesn't know how to do anything. She gets out of her panic attack with a purpose and a need to protect her underling. And she does. She saves him. And it's perfect. I love them.
#school 2013#healer#korean odyssey#kill me heal me#secret love#ji sung#you're all surrounded#rowe's unsolicited opinion
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Love and Medicine ~ 14
MASTERLIST
< previous chapter
Word Count: 5,000ish
Summary: Just another day at the medical center, right? (Based off Grey’s Anatomy)
Heading back into the hospital, you went straight for Natasha’s room. The other interns were already in there, surrounding her bed.
“Hey,” you smiled, walking over to her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” she responded. “I’m okay.”
You grabbed her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She needed to know that you were there for her, but you weren’t going to push her into talking about something she wasn’t ready to talk about.
~~~
You slammed down a shot, needing to feel the alcohol rush down your throat.
“How was Nat when you left, Scott?” Val asked, bringing more drinks over.
“She said she was okay, again,” he responded with a slight shrug.
“Nobody goes what she went through and is totally over it by now.”
“Natasha can.”
“She’s fine,” you added, taking another shot.
“Too fine,” Val said. “She’s cold.”
“No, she’s hardcore,” Clint said. “She’s got ice in her veins. She does what she has to do to get through it.”
“She lost a baby. She lost a fallopian tube and she’s acting like she doesn’t even care. She’s acting like she has no emotions or warmth, like she’s missing a soul.”
“She’s gonna make a great surgeon.”
“Clint!”
“It’s true. You show no weakness, you make it to the top.”
“Some people just keep their feelings to themselves,” you commented.
Your eyes were on the door, where Steve had just walked in. If he noticed you, he didn’t make it noticeable. You watched as he walked over to the bar and sat beside Gamora. Steve ordered a drink from Happy before talking to Gamora. Too bad you were too far away to hear them.
“Y/N kissed me,” Steve told Gamora. “Peggy kissed me… My wife and my girlfriend kissed me on the same day.”
“Happy, do I look friend to you?” Gamora asked.
“Oh, you’re a tiny little kitten of joy and love,” Happy responded, only for Gamora to make a face. “What? He saved my life.”
“His first mistake.” She took a sip of her drink. “Captain McDreamy, go sit by someone who cares.”
“Oh gee,” Steve mocks hurt, but doesn’t make a move to go. “Everything’s gonna be fine. Peggy will leave. Y/N and I will start over. Everything’s gonna be fine. Right?”
“You are so damn stupid.”
~~~
“With Natasha out, I need everyone focused today,” Gamora told her group of interns as you all headed off to rounds. “I have a feeling it’s gonna be be one of those days and since we’re short an intern, you do not want to get on my bad side.”
“When are we not on her bad side?” You whispered to Clint.
“Speak for yourself,” he replied with a scoff. “Scott and I are her favorites.”
The group walked into their first patients room. The woman was sitting on the bed, enthralling a group of hospital workers with a tell.
“So we're in the middle of the Belizean jungle and this jaguarondi jumps out and bites one of the guides,” the woman says. “They all look at me. They're yelling, "You're a doctor, help him!" This is one time a PhD does no good.” The people laugh.
“Sorry,” Gamora interrupted, “did I miss the memo about social hour?” Everyone quickly began leaving besides your group.
“Tales of missionary life,” the woman explained.
“You’re a missionary?” Val asked.
“No, my parents. We traveled a lot. Well, they still do.”
“Lang, tell me about our patient,” Gamora ordered.
“Okay, um, this is Dr. Banner’s patient, Talya,” Scott explained. “She, uh, presents with multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias.”
“So you’ve been passing out?” Gamora asked.
“Yeah,” Talya confirmed, “and having palpitations.”
“Talya has past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis,” Scott added.
“They had to ship me from Zambia to the States for 3 months of treatment when I was 8,” Tayla said. “Rheumatic fever almost killed me.”
“Someone please tell me what the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias are,” Gamora said.
Before anyone in the room could responded, Natasha appeared in the doorway. She leaned up against it in her hospital gown with her IV stand.
“Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities,” Natasha answered.
“Out!” Gamora ordered.
“I’m fine.”
“Out! And you better be in your bed by the time we round on you!”
“And when will that be?”
“In 15 seconds. 14. 13. 13. 11.”
Natasha turned around to head to her room, revealing her underwear through her nightgown. The group of interned laughed.
“Nice panties, Romanoff!” Peter laughed.
Natasha flips him the bird as she keeps waking. “In your dreams, Quill.”
They followed Natasha into the room, where she huffed as she got back into bed.
“L/N,” Gamora called.
“Right,” you responded. “Natasha Romanoff. Post-op day 3 from a unilateral salpingectomy.”
“And ready to get back to work,” Natasha said. “I'm taking solids and my pain is controlled with oral meds. I'm ready.”
“Well, it says here on your chart on you had a fever?”
“Y/N,” Nat growled.
“Natasha, did you have a fever?” Gamora questioned.
“Temp spiked to 101 last night. Big deal.”
“She worked 2 shifts last month with a 102 degree flu,” Clint added.
“Yes! Exactly, Clint. Thank you.”
“And we appreciate your dedication but you're staying in bed until it normalizes,” Gamora said. “You need to relax, shut up, and get better. You're a patient this week so you can be a doctor next week. Understand?”
“I understand,” Natasha grumbled.
~~~
Rounds had finished as you were heading to your assignment when you ran into Steve near the elevators.
“Skipping rounds?” He wondered.
“No,” you replied. “They just finished.” You kept walking, when Steve took your arm to stop you.
“Y/N…”
“You’ve got a wife.”
“Yes.”
“You’re life is complicated.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t need more complicated. I have that all on my own.”
“Yes.”
“Stop saying yes.”
Steve smiled. “I’m trying not to make any sudden movements.”
“You think this is funny?”
“Peggy’s leaving. She doesn’t have any more patients. There’s no reason for her to be here.”
“No reason? Really?”
“No really whatsoever.”
Steve stepped closer, bringing his hand up to brush your cheek. You stood there, trying to not let it get to your head or, well, anywhere else. Suddenly, Peggy appeared.
“Well now, isn’t this cozy?” She said. “Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?”
“I have to go,” you said, rushing away. You didn’t go too far, interested to watch everything unfold.
“Y/N…” Steve called with a sign. He turned to Peggy. “You really are Satan. You realize that right? If Satan were to take physical form, he'd be you. Everywhere, all the time.”
“I am so not Satan,” Peggy responded.
“How come you haven't got on your broomstick and gone back to where you belong?”
“Stop being petty.”
“Stop being an adulterous bitch.”
“You know, you are going forgive me eventually, right? I mean you can't just ... I mean there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend.”
“There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change.”
Peggy sighed and pulled some papers out of her bag, handing them to Steve. Steve quickly flipped through them.
“Divorce papers,” he said.
“Your lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the first plane out of here.”
“I'll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible.”
“Steve, have you ever thought that, even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, that I still might be the love of your life?”
Not answering, Steve walks away, completely not noticing you listening in from behind a pillar.
“What are we looking at?” Tony asked, appearing out of nowhere.
“Ah!” You exclaimed, jumping slightly. “Don’t do that!” You playfully hit him. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” he laughed. “I just saw you over here and I was interested in seeing what you were observing.”
“I think… I think Peggy just handed Steve divorce papers.”
“Really? That actually surprises me. I thought she would put in a little more of a fight.”
“Yeah…”
“I guess that’s good news for you, right?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I want him to choose me because of me, not because of a divorce.”
“In my ever humble opinion, I think it will always be you. Trust me. That man is whipped.”
~~~
Natasha snuck out of her room and stole her chart. She sat in her bed as she made changes to it. Walking by, Banner looked in and noticed that no one else was in there. He quickly took the chart of Nat.
“Hey! That’s my chart,” Natasha complained.
“You're the patient. Not the doctor. Act like one,” Bruce reprimands as he studies her chart. “It's been tough finding you alone.”
“Yeah? Well…”
“How are you doing?”
“Well, you have my chart, you tell me.”
He sighed. “Natasha, how are you doing?”
“I’m fine. Perfectly okay.”
“I had a right to know.”
“Well, now you do.”
“Natasha—“
“Look. Now you know. It’s over. There’ soothing for you to deal with. So I don’t know what else there really is left to say.”
“Plenty. For starters you could've come to me—“
“And what? We could have raised it together? Or you could have held my hand when I got the abortion? I did not need any of that. I’m an intern.”
“Nat—“
“Can you just go? I need to rest. Doctor’s orders.”
~~~
Gamora called you to help her with a patient. You two walked into the patient room together, revealing a younger man on the bed.
“I thought I told you I never want to see you again,” Gamora said to the patient.
“That's only cause you're too lazy to learn anything more,” the man responded.
“Dr. Y/N L/N, this is Nick Tate. He thinks he knows so much cause he was one of my first patient's as an intern.”
“I knew as much as she did. She was clueless about how to treat cystic fibrosis. A simple cholecystectomy turned into a month-long stay.”
“Better not be alleging malpractice. Guy raises about a 100 grand a year for cystic fibrosis, running triathlons. Thinks he's a big shot.”
“Wait, you run triathlons?” You questioned, confused how it could as a patient with cystic fibrosis.
“Yeah, why not?” He responded.
“It’s a pain for one,” Gamora replied, flipping through the chart. “Says here you're finally admitting to feeling a little unwell?”
“A little.”
“How little? Truth.”
“Oh, enough to keep me awake at night. Had some seizures. Um, too weak to work out.”
“Anyone been through here with your CT results?”
“No. It's probably just my pancreatitis kicking up again.”
“All right then. We'll be back. With your results and a plan.” Gamora walked to the door, with you following. She glanced back at Nick. “Huh, where do your parents think you are this time?”
He smiled. “Hmm, San Diego.”
Gamora shakes her head as you follow her the rest of the way out of the room.
“What about his parents?” You asked. “Shouldn’t he, or we, tell them?”
“No, he doesn't like to bother them until he's well or about to get discharged. He understands his reality. He just chooses to ignore it. Denial works for him, L/N.”
~~~
After Bruce had left, it only took Natasha two minutes to have found blue scrubs and change into them. She took out her IV and snuck out to the nurses station. She began looking through patient charts. The head nurse, Phil Coulson, found her like that.
“Where’s your IV?” He asked, looking at her with a disappointed father face.
“I've taken solids. I HEP-locked it,” Natasha replied.
“On whose orders?”
“Mine.”
“Okay.” Phil quickly found her chart and began reading it. “Romanoff. How about this order: best rest, out of bed to chair, bathroom privileges. Nothing about stealing charts at the nurses station.”
“Okay, you know what….” She quickly looked around to find a nearby empty wheelchair. She brought it over and sat down in it. “There, satisfied? I’m out of bed to chair.”
“I’m telling your intent on you.”
“Y/N?”
“Yeah.”
“Oooh, I’m so scared.”
She wheeled off with a patient chart, heading to Tayla’s room. When she arrived, she witnessed Tayla, by herself, taking a pill.
“I saw that!” Natasha exclaimed from her wheelchair in the doorway. “I saw you take that pill.”
“Oh it's, it's my pill,” Tayla excused. “You know... the pill.”
Natasha quickly looked over the chart. “It’s not at all in your chart and you are supposed to tell us the meds you are on.”
“You’re not my doctor. You shouldn't even be here.”
“She’s right,” Val said, appearing from behind. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I saw her take unauthorized medication!” Natasha continued.
“Well, you’re unauthorized to be here.”
“I’m on the pill and I had grapefruit juice this morning,” Tayla explained. “Since the juice inhibits enzymes involved in the metabolism of OCPs, I thought I'd avoid the interaction by taking it two hours after my meal.”
“She's has a doctorate in neuropharmacology, Natasha.”
Natasha huffed, “Well, Val, I don’t see any place where oral contra—“
“Okay so now you will. Will you just go back to bed and stop bothering the other patients?”
Tayla’s heart monitor suddenly started racing, bringing the other women attentions to her. She fell to the floor, unconscious, and Val rushed to her.
“She’s in V-FIB!” Natasha said.
“Call the code,” Val ordered as she began compressions.
Natasha practically jumped out of her chair to call a code, which didn’t feel good. Val got Tayla back as the code team arrived.
“No code?” The nurse questioned.
“Not anymore,” Val answered. “Can you help get her back into bed.
“I’ll—I’ll help,” Natasha breathed got, struggling to get back to her wheelchair. “Just give me a minute.”
“Would you just go back to bed? Seriously, please just go.”
Natasha nodded as she finally made it to the wheelchair. “Just… if she’s on OCP’s, mark it down. Okay, Val?”
“Yeah.”
~~~
You had gotten Nick’s x-ray’s back and were currently putting them up to view them with Gamora by your side.
“Nick’s got a mass in his midepigastrium,” you explained. “Diffused enlargement of the pancreas. That, with his hypoglycemic seizures—“
“He's going to need an exploratory laparotomy. But, despite his triathlons, his lungs still make me hesitant to cut,” Gamora added.
“What are we going to do?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“Doctors,” Peggy greeted.
“Dr. Carter-Rogers.”
“How old is he?” Peggy asked, studying the x-rays.
“26.”
“Survivor, huh?”
“And them some. My patient for at least 5 years. I'm not gonna lose him now.”
“You planning a laparotomy?”
“Hmm. You know, I think I could help you with this. I've seen one case like this before in a 9 year old. We ended up having to do a total pancreotectomy.”
“I'd be honored to take any help you can give me.”
“You’re a neonatal specialist,” you said. “What, uh… this isn’t your area.” Gamora looked at you, annoyed, as she shock her head. “I’m just saying that—“
“I did 2 years genetic research in cystic fibrosis,” Peggy told you. “I've pretty much seen it all, Dr. L/N.”
“Oh.”
~~~
Walking down the hall, Steve found you. Always trying his best to make a conversation with you. This time it was easy.
“Are you sure your wife is leaving?” You questioned. “She offered to help on the case Gamora has me working on.”
“Just because she offered her services doesn't mean she intends to stay,” Steve responded.
“Well, what does it mean? Because it seems to me—“
“It means that she's a good doctor.”
“Huh… why are you suddenly defending her?”
“I’m not. Y/N, she gave me divorce papers. She filed.”
“Good for you.”
“All I have to do is sign, and I’m free… We’re free.”
“Is there anything to think about?”
“No,” he shook his head, “of course not. I have to read through them, sign, then Peggy’s on the next plane out of here.” He grabbed your hands. “This is going to work.”
~~~
After the conversation he had with you, Steve immediately went searching for Gamora.
“Of all the fine doctors in the city, you accept a consult from Peggy Carter,” Steve said, angrily.
“Carter-Rogers, isn’t it?” Gamora retorted.
“The point is she should be on her way home. Are you purposefully trying to drive me crazy?”
“You think this has something to do with you?” Gamora’s voice was loud and upset. “You think I’m even thinking about you and your romantic problems? I’m trying to help a patient very near and dear to my heart. And if consulting with your wife—your ex—your mistress, what ever it is that she becomes! If that’s the thing I have to do to save my patient, them I’m damn well gonna do it.”
“I understand… and I totally deserve the yelling. It’s just that—“
“Just, you look! You have put yourself between two very fine women and you looking for an easy way out and you wanna use me, and the hospital and... somebody to make the decision for you, and it's not gonna happen!”
“Could I just… could I just say a couple of things?”
“No.” Gamora stormed off.
~~~
You found Natasha sitting in her bed, in her room. Thankfully. Though she was looking through another patient’s chart. You pulled a chair up to her bedside and sat down in it with a sigh.
“What’s your problem?” Natasha asked.
“Peggy gave Steve divorce papers, which is good. I mean she’s still here, being Peggy, but it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.”
“That’s odd.”
“It’s odd I’m not jealous?”
“No, you have every right to be jealous. It's your territory and she's peeing all over it.” Natasha went back to focusing on the chart in her hands. “What’s odd is Banner’s patient.”
“Tayla?”
“Yeah. She’s been in 4 other hospitals this year. You know something’s not right.”
“You seem awfully interested in Banner’s patient.”
“This has nothing to do with Bruce.”
“Natasha, you lost a fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all in one day. You have the right to be upset.”
“And you’re losing Captain McDreamy to his perfect wife. You have the right to be jealous.”
“I did not lose Captain McDreamy. Divorce papers, remember? And I’m not jealous.”
“And I’m not upset. I really need to get out of here.”
“You’re on bedrest, remember?”
“Okay, if the situation was reversed, would you wanna spend time with your mother in a confined room with one window?”
“No. I guess not. But still. You need to stay put.”
Before Natasha could respond, your pager beeped. You looked down at it and groaned.
“I got to go,” you muttered, leaving.
“Good luck!”
~~~
Peggy and Gamora met you in Nick’s room. There you began explaining the surgery to him.
“We won't know for sure until we go in there, but it looks like that I'm going to have to take out your pancreas and re-route your intestines,” Peggy said.
Nick looked at Gamora. “Did you tell her that my lungs don't do well with anesthesia?”
“Don’t I always have your back?” Gamora retorted.
“Your kidney function is decreasing rapidly and I'm afraid you're gonna go into multi-system organ failure if we don't operate,” Peggy continued.
“If I say no?” Nick wondered.
“There’s no guarantees, Nick. You know that,” Gamora answered. “It's gonna be a long, hard surgery and put a lot of stress on your body.”
“Yeah,” he smiled, “but I’m me.”
She smiled back. “But you’re you.”
“So if we don’t operate, I die. And if… we do operate, I may die.”
“Basically, yes,” Peggy responded.
“Well, I like those odds. And 26 years with this disease is awesome. And that's the reality. So if I get lucky ... great. And if I don’t…” Nick grabbed Gamora’s hand, “it’s been sweet.”
“It’s gonna stay sweet,” she replied.
~~~
Natasha was laying on her bed with her harm over her eyes when Clint walked into the room. Tayla’s chart was laid out on top of her.
“Why do you have that?” He asked.
“I’m working,” Nat answered. “Trying to figure out what’s going on with the crazy woman on four.”
“You are the crazy woman on four. Though, I have to say, you have a better patina than me and you don’t even really have a patient.” Clint plopped down in the chair next to her bed. “Y/N’s got a CF case. Peter has a gunshot wound. Val’s got the mystery arrhythmias. I have babysitting a crazy old lady! I’d rather do scut with Scott than this! I’m a surgeon. A cutter. I don’t want to be a fake surgeon! I want to be a real one!”
“She’s faking it,” Nat repeated to herself. She quickly got off the bed. “The missionary. Talya… Thank you!”
She patted Clint’s head as she walked by. Natasha headed straight for the nurses station, where she saw Val looking around for something.
“Val!” Natasha called. “How how Talya’s studies been?”
“Hey!” Val responded, not pleasantly as she took the chart from Nat. “I’ve been looking everywhere for that!”
“Negative, right?”
“Oh! The echo tests showed mild mitral stenosis, the tilt test was negative. We're doing EP studies.”
“I can tell you what's wrong with her without sticking electrodes in her heart.”
“Really. Just by the chart?”
“No, from the pill she took.”
“They were contraceptives, Natasha! Why are you so obsessed with this? Just go back to bed!”
“I think she’s doing this to herself.”
“You think she's inducing ventricular arrhythmias? She'd have to be crazy to do—“
“No, no, no. She'd have to have Munchausen’s.”
“Okay wait. You think she's secretly ingesting something to produce real symptoms? Seriously?”
“Yes. Run it by Banner and tell me what he thinks.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself. He is standing right behind you.” Val made eye contact with the man. “Dr. Banner.”
Then Val left. Leaving Natasha will Bruce. She sighed as Bruce guided her into the small office nearby before listening to her.
“I mean, she obviously loves the patient role. She practically lives in hospitals. And... and, and we're like an imaginary family to her because her really family blows her off to go take care of other people.... And, and I saw her take something.”
“It's not enough,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “We have to rule out everything else. Everything physical.”
“She even lied about her job. She's a pharmacy tech, not a PhD.”
“So she's a liar. I've been lied to before.”
“Hey, we're not talking about us here.”
“Maybe we should be.”
“I didn’t lie!”
“You withheld the truth from me. How was00”
“Okay, you know what? I distinctly remember you breaking things off with me. And you didn't seem so upset about it. And this?” She motioned between herself and Bruce. “This is, this is not a relationship. This is not real.”
“Natasha…”
“Okay, and, and so what's with the big display of fake hurt and drama?” She began walking out of the room.
“Natasha!”
“I’m supposed to be in bed.”
~~~
You absolutely did not want to be in surgery with Peggy. Yet there you were.
“I need more traction,” Peggy stated. “Dr. Y/N?” You quickly did as you were told.
“Here,” Gamora called, “give me some suction there.” So you did. “Now L/N, retract the duodenum. Good. How’s he doing Vis?”
Vis was keeping watch over Nick’s vitals and such. “Harder to ventilate and no urine output since we started,” Vis informed.
Peggy shook her head, “he’s shutting down.”
“Did you increase his peak pressures?” Gamora asked.
“Any higher, I blow his lungs,” Vis responded before the monitor beeped. “Bradycardia. Pushing 1 of atropine.”
“Try ventilating him manually,” Peggy ordered, “see if he starts coming back up.” Vis began pushing on a bag.
“Did we miss any bleeders?” Gamora wondered.
“The surgical field is clear.”
The monitor began beeping faster. “Agonal rhythm,” you said.
“Any pulse with that?” Gamora asked.
“No carotid,” Vis answered.
“Okay, starting CPR.” Gamora handed over her tools and begun CPR. “Push one of EPI.”
“No extraordinary measures, Gamora,” Peggy warned. “He’s DNR.”
“No this is just good medicine.” Sh continued CPR, almost frantically. “Come on! Come on! Don’t give up. Come on.”
“You’re getting tired,” you noted. “Let me take over, Dr. Gamora.” She nodded, letting you quickly switch her places.
“Gamora, his intestines are cyanotic,” Peggy stated. “There’s no blood circulating.”
“It’s been shunted to his brain where he needs it,” Gamora responded as she studied your CPR form. “You call those compressions.” She shoved you to the side and took over CPR. You and Peggy made eye contact, worried. “Fight it. Come on.” Peggy looked around, shaking her head, and everyone stopped what they were doing. All but Gamora. “Why isn’t anyone moving? Whose recording?”
“It's been ten minutes since we've had a perfusing rhythm.” Peggy goes to stop Gamora but is shrugged off. The monitor flat lines. “It’s your call, Gamora.”
Taking a shaky inhale, Gamora stopped. She pulled off her mask as the monitor continues to flat line. “Asystole.” She looked up at the clock. “Time of death: 19:35.”
Gamora rushed out of the OR, trying not to cry. She went straight to the sinks and began cleaning her hands furiously. She paused when she noticed people covering up Nick’s body. Peggy walked in and started washing her hands as well, with you following. You both eyed Gamora a few times, worried. Soon, she left.
Peggy sighed. “It’s hard to accept the end when you’re too close.” She looked down as she slipped her wedding ring back onto her finger. She noticed you watching. “Look, I don't want someone who doesn't want me, Y/N. But if there's the slightest chance that he does, I'm not leaving New York.”
~~~
Val walked into Natasha’s room, not excited for the news she was about to tell her.
“Well?” Natasha asked.
“You were right,” Val sighed. “Talya definitely suffers from Munchausen’s.”
“See I was right…. I was right…” She closed her eyes. “I was right…” Nat began to cry. “I was right. I was… I was right. Oh… I’m—I’m—“ She let out a sob. “I’m right. I’m—I’m right.”
Val looked out of the room to see Clint walking by. “Clint! Page Y/N!”
Clint hurried in. “Why? What—what’s happening? What did you do to her?”
“She just started crying and I don’t know what to do!”
“I’ll get one of the nurses to page, Y/N.” Clint rushed out.
“Natasha,” Val tried, slowly coming closer. “Natasha, calm down.”
“The nurses paged her!” Clint came rushing back in.
“It’s okay, Nat.” Val went in for a hug, only for Nat to shrink away and cry harder. “Okay, okay. I won’t hug you.”
“What’s going on?” You came running in, panicked.
“I can’t stop!” Nat cried. “I can’t—-I can’t stop…”
“Crying,” Val finished for her. “She can’t stop crying.”
“I can’t see that!” You replied. “What did you guys do to her?”
“Nothing!”
“She’s going to dehydrate,” Clint said. “Nat, do you want some water?”
Nat shook her head, “no, no…” You tried to go in for a hug, only to be pulled away.
“NO!” Clint and Val exclaimed.
“I already tried that,” Val said. “It just made it worse.” Clint tentatively handed Nat a tissue.
“Natasha,” you tried again.
“Make—make it stop,” Natasha sobbed. “Make it stop… Somebody sedate me!”
“What’s going on in here?” Bruce asked, walking in. He was dressed like he was about to leave. There was clear concern etched on his face.
“We can’t get her to stop crying,” you replied.
“Y/N, get everyone else out of here.” Bruce was taking off his jacket. “Watch the door.”
You nodded, quickly ushering Clint and Val out. They voiced protests, but willing left. You shut the door behind you and watched. Peeking through the window, you watched as Bruce got in the bed beside Nat. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Natasha willingly curled into him, welcoming his comfort. You sighed and turned away, leaning against the door to keep watch. Steve noticed you and came up.
“Hey,” he smiled.”
“Hey.”
“When are you off?”
“Uh,” you glanced at your watch, “in about an hour. Why?”
“Meet me at Happy’s when you get off.” He started walking backwards, sly smirk on his lips. “Don’t be late.”
~~~
Steve and you arrived at Happy’s bar at the same time. He gave you a smile as he held the door open for you. You walked over to an empty table, Steve close behind.
“I’m glad we’re doing this,” you said.
“Me too,” Steve replied. He set it briefcase on his chair. “Want a drink?”
“Yes, please.”
Turning around, Steve knocked his briefcase onto the ground. A stack of papers slipped out.
“I’ve got it,” Steve quickly said, bending down.
“I’ll get it,” you said, picking up the papers.
You glance at the papers as you stand back up. There his divorce papers, that he has yet to sign.
next chapter >
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We are almost 6 months in 2021 now and I have been enjoying a lot of BL drama’s I just haven’t been writing any reviews. So let me name a couple of my favorite BL drama’s so far.
1. Tale of a Thousand Stars
This is definitely my favorite so far this year. I fell in love with the story, the male leads, the kids and even the friends. I read the novel and I love that they didn’t change that much! Also the chemistry between Earth and Mix was seriously amazing. They had me wrapped around their fingers for sure and usually the story gets a bit boring in the middle but this time there was not one full moment. I laughed, cried and screamed watching these episodes and even though the ending was good and well rounded, I seriously just wanted more!
Also can we talk about Mix for just absolutely second?! Because where have GMMTV been hiding him because W.O.W this man is stunningly handsome and when he smiles it’s like I am melting every single time.
Anyway ahum I am giving this drama a 10/10
2. fighting mr. 2nd
The sequel I needed badly! Did it disappoint god no! These two have such amazing chemistry that I got pulled in every time they got close. And that one scene where Gao Shi De was drunk and poured his heart out broke me. That was seriously intense and the way Zhou Shi Yu gave him a second chance was the best thing ever!
Not to forget about the side couple, which I need to know more about because well they are interesting🥰
The storyline wasn’t complicated or that original BUT it didn’t matter because the acting was amazing and it made me long for more!
So if I have to give this a rating it would get an 9.8/10
3. Lovely writer
Now I seriously was excited about this one from the moment I saw the trailer!! And I loved every single moment of it. I loved how it sometimes mocked the BL industry and Kao & Up are an amazing duo. I have to say that I was so happy to see Kao playing this character after UWMA because this suits him so much better.
Again the chemistry between them was awesome and I don’t know how many times I felt super single, when I am not, while watching them together. Like how is that possible but I want what they have lol.
I don’t think there was anything that bothered me much with this drama except for Aey, I mean damn he was annoying but I feel like they could’ve done more with him but well🤷♀️
Also the last episode made me feel attacked especially near the end, you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it, won’t give spoilers����
I will give this a 9.5/10
4. Manner of Death
Ah the thriller in this small list. This was a rollercoaster that made you sit on the edge of your chair every single episode. Now I feel like I don’t really need to talk about Max & Tul because who doesn’t know them. They are the BL kings!
I read the novel which usually is t a good thing before you watch a drama but I loved that they did not change THAT much. Max & Tul were definitely the best pick for this drama, also can I just say that their acting has improved so much and I just loved it.
Also how fresh was this drama! Like finally no uni storyline but an adult one! It’s exactly what I wanted!
I will give this a 8.7/10
5. To My Star
This is definitely my favorite Korean drama so far. This was amazing. I loved the storyline and it was nice that they did not really rushed it even though the episodes were again way too short. I loved the chemistry between the male leads.
The way you saw them fall for each other and the way one of them tried to ignore those feelings. I am happy it ended well because I was seriously rooting for them. I loved that they were close behind the scenes as well.
The only reason this one is not higher on the list is because of the shortness.
So I’ll give this a 8/10
6. Tonhon Chonlatee
This on started in 2020 but ended in 2021 so that’s why it’s on here!! This was the light drama we needed seeing as at the same time we got Tharntype. But yeah I laughed so hard every episode & not that but sometimes I even yelled at Tonhon for being a straight up idiot.
The way to Tonhon admitting he loves Chonlatee was a long one and I felt sorry for the second male lead because he was being used to make him realise he liked chonlatee but that made certain things a lot funnier! I loved the chemistry again between the male leads and I definitely wanted more after it ended!! Also give it up to my favorite side couple Ai & Ni, they really should get their own drama!!
I’ll give this a 7.9/10
7. Gen y
Gen Y was something every confusing but also something likeable?🤔 I mean I loved the storyline between Kit & Mark. It was nice to see how Kit finally opened up to Mark and started to love him back, I did feel frustrated at Kit because he did not speak his mind but felt happy when he finally did. Also those scenes between them!! 👍
Then we get to Wayu, Thanu & Phai, this was one confusing storyline, like wtf was that between Thanu and Phai? Where are this premonitions coming from and what does it mean? Like this drama isn’t paranormal right🤔 also I know a lot of fans want Wayu together with Phi but I don’t not after what he did and also the chemistry between Wayu and Thanu is really good! I am curious to see what will happen to them.
Then we get to the last couple, which frustrated the hell out of me! Pok and Tong.... what was happening between them and why did they end up hating each other to having sex with each other🤔 and what is this that they refuse to kiss each other nonsense, so yeah I liked the drama but I was either happy or frustrated😂
This will be a 7/10 for me
8. You make me dance
You make me dance was cute but also a bit heavier then usual. Especially for the dancer because his mom literally left him alone to fend for himself which made him take out loans with loan sharks and the only good thing that came out of it was he fell in love with his loan shark.
I loved them, they were cute, clingy but again way too short because this one was definitely rushed, which was sad. Also when they shoot this in the middle of the winter maybe next time the production staff could at least turn on some heaters? Like I felt cold while watching them!
Anyway a 6.9/10
9. HIstory4; Close to you
Ah yes this one... I will start to say that this one made me uncomfortable at times, also certain tropes were being used that not everyone will appreciate. I for myself liked this drama but also not. If you have watched it, you know that one of the couples are stepbrothers. Now tbh if they hadn’t grown up together it might’ve been easier to watch but seeing as they grew up together it was hard to look passed it especially since they continuously reminded us about it. Also sex without proper consent, I do have to say here that even though he was drunk Xing Si did recognize Yong Jjie so I don’t think it’s right but that’s the only excuse I can find for it🤔 other then that I thought they were cute.
Then the second couple I loved them, the way they fell for each other could’ve been better but yeah I loved them. lichen and Muren completed each other the only scene that got me uncomfortable as when Lichen was dreaming about Muren. But other then that I loved their chemistry!!
Also the cameo of one really amazing couple made up for a lot. I won’t spoil anything but yeah that was satisfying
But because this one made me feel uncomfortable a lot of times I will give it a 6.7/10
10. Second Chance
Second chance, well was short but likeable. I loved the chemistry between the male leads and they made me feel like they were already in a relationship so when that thing happened and one of them suddenly took his distance I was surprised because well, yeah I just didn’t expect him to be like that. But yeah this drama was a short one sadly enough so that’s why it’s not high on the list because I wanted more.
I’ll give this a 6.5/10 and not because it was bad but because it was way too short and sometimes I did not get was was going on.
#1000 stars#tale of thousand stars#lovely writer#tonhon chonlatee#to my star#fighting mr.2nd#manner of death#gen y#you make me dance#history 4: close to you#second chance#BL drama’s#my top 10 so far#yes I am aware there is no Tharntype on this list#why because it sucked
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Romione - The Beginning of Dating
The Battle of Hogwarts was on Saturday, 2 May 1998
They helped to rebuild Hogwarts over a couple of weeks (even with magic, it was a large property that took a lot of work)
Then the Weasleys went back to the Burrow along with Harry - who wasn’t keen to get back to Privet Drive - and Hermione who had no home to go back to
Hermione was a huge help to have around those few weeks. Molly hardly left her bed, distraught from Fred’s death, so Hermione helped around the house and brought her tea
But she was especially a comfort to Ron
They never wanted to leave each other after the war, so they shared Ron’s room
Hermione insisted Ron didn’t have to give up his bed while Ron insisted she take it until Hermione suggested they just share it
It was innocent. Not that other things didn’t cross their mind after years of pining, but it was the last thing they thought of after the casualties and deaths they’d witnessed
But they would hold each other. Some nights they’d talk until the sun came up about the war or sometimes they’d just talk about nothing in particular
Other nights they would just embrace each other in silence, neither wanting to talk but not wanting to be alone
Hermione would talk about her parents and one night, she asked Ron if he would go with her to get them, to bring back their memories
"You want me to come to Australia?"
"You don’t have to. Oh, of course you don’t want to leave home now. Forget I said anything, it’s-"
"Hermione, of course I’ll come. I want to come."
When they found them, Hermione couldn’t bring herself to say the charm because she was crying too much, so Ron did it himself
He was a little nervous as Hermione was better at such things, but he tried really hard for her sake and it worked
There was a tearful reunion and Ron felt a bit silly standing around until finally Mrs Granger looked at him, then up at his red hair, and she beamed
"Oh, my goodness! Ronald!" she gave him a large hug as if they were the best of friends. "We haven’t seen you since you were - what was it, dear? - 12 or 13! Of course, the amount Hermione spoke about you, it felt like we saw you every time she was home-"
"Mum!"
"Don’t be embarrassed, Hermione. He’s a lovely looking boy!"
While Mr Weasley loved Ron, he was not keen for him to share a room with Hermione so he took the sofa while Hermione took the spare room
It was difficult to fall asleep at first because they’d gotten so used to the other’s presence at night
The room felt so quiet to Hermione without Ron’s snoring, and to Ron without Hermione humming symphonies in her sleep
Both thought of the other
But eventually they did fall asleep and Ron was the first to wake up when he heard Mrs Granger tiptoeing around the kitchen, trying to make tea silently and failing
"I’m sorry, Ron, did I wake you?"
"No! No, I’m always up at... 5 in the morning."
"Oh, good! I’ll make you some tea. How many sugars do you take? Do you watch Friends? I’ve got a few episodes recorded we can watch on telly!"
Ron is his father’s son and Mrs Granger is delighted by his interest in the television, but doesn’t make him feel silly and answers all his questions
She offered to make him breakfast, but he declined, rather waiting until everyone was eating so he wasn’t a burden even though he was, in fact, starving
When Hermione ran down later that morning, she spluttered with laughter at Ron who was sat on the sofa with her mother, gawping at the screen
"Did he just say Rachel?" Ron gasped. "But isn’t that one Rachel? The bride was called Emily! Ross! Ross, her name is Emily! Why can’t he hear me?"
"They can’t hear you, Ron, it’s pre-recorded"
Ron was crestfallen. "So you just have to watch and do nothing? You can’t help? Blimey."
Ron expected some sort of speech from Mr Granger, but he seemed too fascinated with Ron to think about being an overprotective father
Hermione had avoided the gory details, but she told them enough for them to be hugely impressed and proud of their daughter and her new boyfriend, the war heroes
But, as parents, they were also worried by the whole deal. Even if Hermione didn’t tell them everything, war was war and there was a small tremor in their daughter’s hand that hadn’t been there before
Sometimes a car would backfire on the street or a neighbour would shout and they would see Ron and Hermione tense up, gripping each other’s hands tighter
Mr Granger changed his mind about Ron and Hermione sleeping in separate rooms because he could see they needed it
"We can’t avoid it anymore," said Hermione. "We need to talk about Hogwarts. You’re not coming back for our final year, are you?"
"No," said Ron. "No, I’m not. Are you?"
"Yes," she said. "I am."
Ron went with Mr and Mrs Granger to see Hermione off at King’s Cross for the final time, and they met up with Harry and the Weasley parents so they could see off Ginny, too
Harry and Ron watched as Ginny and Hermione waved from the departing train
"Merlin, I love her," Ron said
"What?" Harry smiled teasingly. "What was that?"
Ron’s cheeks were red as he realised what he had said out in front of his parents and Hermione’s
But suddenly all he could say was, "I didn’t tell her! I won’t tell her for months!"
Arthur clapped his son’s back. "You know, the train hasn’t completely gone yet.”
Without much thought, Ron ran to catch up with her window and shouted, “Hermione!"
He window opened and her head popped out
"I LOVE YOU!" he bellowed
She smiled so brightly as she called, "I love you, too"
And then the Hogwarts Express disappeared
Hermione flopped back into her seat, a dazed look on her face and Ginny grinned at her
The same grin Harry was giving Ron
Ron was barely listening when his parents invited the Grangers over for tea
Harry joked that he hadn’t looked like that since he accidentally had a love potion in sixth year and asked, "Hermione never slipped you anything this morning, did she?"
Hermione and Ron did their separate things. Hermione took over Hogwarts as Head Girl - naturally - and was treated like a celebrity along with Ginny, Luna and Neville. Ron went with Harry and started his trading as an auror
They wrote each other several times a week about all the updates of their lives, and both saved every letter
Ron kept his letters from Hermione in an old shoe box which he kept under his bunk to look through on particularly difficult training days
Hermione kept hers together with red ribbon tied in a neat bow in her bedside table to read when she missed him most
Ron told her how busy training was and how he couldn’t get away on Halloween to meet her at Hogsmeade
She was upset, but decided to get some of his favourites from Honeydukes to send to him
When she and Ginny went in, though, they found Harry and Ron waiting for them
Ginny and Harry kissed, Ron and Hermione embraced each other and he swung her around
"You’re meant to be at training!"
"We wanted to surprise you!"
"But you said you couldn’t come!"
"Hence the surprise!"
They all hung out together for the most part, but separated for the final hour for some alone time as couples
(So Hermione and Ron could make out out of public view - naturally, it ended up in The Daily Prophet)
"Have you seen the photo they used of us? Ron, it’s pornograhic!"
"I don’t know, I like it”
That Christmas, the Grangers and Harry stayed with the Weasleys as no one wanted to miss another Christmas with their children
Harry waited until Hermione, Ginny and the Grangers were gone to round up the 8 Weasleys
"The thing is," he said. "Well, I know I’m meant to just ask you, Mr Weasley, but, well, you’re all so important to Ginny and to me, so- I- I want to-"
"You want to marry Ginny?" smiled Molly
"If that’s okay with you, yes."
Ron was Harry’s best man while Luna and Hermione shared the role of Maid of Honour
Hermione spoke with Dudley who Harry was now on better terms with, and made him feel a bit more comfortable as she was more used to talking to muggles than some of the wizards who seemed to scare him
She even danced with him as Ron danced with Luna
Luna said, "you have so much love for her in your eyes, perhaps it will be your wedding we’ll be dancing at next"
"Nah, no way, too soon," said Ron, but suddenly he was feeling a bit giddy
As Ginny threw the bouquet, he muttered something and flicked his wand discreetly and the flowers landed in Hermione’s hand
She looked at them in amazement, then to Ron who was watching her lovingly and she waved the flowers at him while she laughed
"What do you say, Ron?" asked Harry. "Are there more wedding bells in the future?"
And as he watched Hermione laughing with Ginny about the flowers, he smiled and said, "I hope so"
#Romione#romione headcanon#head canon#Harry Potter#hinny#ginny weasley#hermione granger#harry potter#ronald weasley#ron weasley#headcanon#my version of…
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Justice for Awashima Seri
One of my latest posts made me want to re-watch K Project Return of Kings, especially Scepter 4 segment. And damn, there are so many things that happened to Awashima and frankly she didn’t deserve it. I’m not talking about GoRa’s overly disgusting fanservice attempts on Seri, although that’s indeed something that must be protested. I’m talking about how she was kept in dark by her two megane colleagues (mainly Munakata) even though she’s Second in Command of Scepter 4 and someone who has been working besides them for years. After I finished rewatching..... wow it’s worse than I remembered. My heart truly breaks for Seri, and I’m super glad that in the end she got her happy ending (by punching Munakata’s face). Like first, we know how worried she was about Munakata’s state, and after Reisaru’s fight in episode 8, Seri was so worried about Fushimi’s wellbeing and his bedding. Then at the very beginning of her role in episode 9, we have this :
For almost anyone besides Seri, maybe they will not think too much about the fact that they can’t understand what the hell are on Munakata and Fushimi’s heads, after all they’re not the easiest people to understand. But for Seri, it’s quite a new unpleasant territory for her. There’s a reason why she’s the Second in Command after Munakata, why she can easily command the rebel Fushimi without many protests from the said rebel, and why she can work alongside cryptic geniuses like Munakata and Fushimi. From R:B novel, we know that she’s an all-round achiever, but one of her main virtue is she’s goddamn observant. She more or less can understand Munakata’s unique mindset, and she mostly can see right through Fushimi’s bullshit. She more often can hit ‘100 point mark’ regarding the enigmatic Munakata and the ‘absolute tsundere’ Fushimi than any other human being except each other. Like on Munakata’s case, we have this :
Yoshino continued. “An ordinary man would have an interest in nude females, I think, but this is the Captain we’re talking about… How is it for him, what do you think?” She looked up at Awashima.
Awashima’s lips curved into a stiff smile as she took her time to think.
Then she drew a breath and, “I haven’t given that subject a thought until now. But well, if I had to answer…” She shook her head. “This is what I think: in the Captain’s case, it’s entirely possible that never once in his life he has so much as opened that kind of magazines or, alternatively, stores an entire thousand book collection of obscene materials in his room, and I won’t be surprised in the least in either case. Would this suffice as an answer?” Munakata Reishi’s right hand woman and Lieutenant, Awashima Seri, said with an even more strained smile.
Case Files of Blue Chapter 1 (and looking at how eager Munakata asked Hidaka to show his collection, suffice to say that Awashima is absolutely correct about her answer).
Awashima: But, well, for the Captain it’s probably of equal value. Fushimi: Of equal value? What is? Awashima: Protecting this country’s peace and fulfilling his promise to a kindergartener.
Optician Drama CD
And on Fushimi’s case :
“…It might not be a misunderstanding, you know. What if I were in cahoots with Homura?” he retorted, lips pursed.
For a moment, Awashima’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing to slits as she humphed letting a slight smirk tug on her lips. “Suppose there really is a traitor who’s trembling while covered in cold sweat; I’d say at the very least it’s safe to assume he’s not switching sides because he likes it. It’s time for your report. The materials are ready, I hope?”
The King and The Traitor
“It’s hard to call realistic, I have to agree with you on that. And on the off chance that it indeed is a strain’s doing, there is hardly any ground to claim harm sustained from the act. It’s the rainy season, after all. So I do find the idea of wasting time and manpower on investigating this possibility unreasonable, especially considering that we hardly have any to spare, but… if it’s an order from my superior officer, I will look into it though?”
It was said curtly and emotionlessly, but Awashima let out a little chuckle, hearing Fushimi’s answer. “Then look into it for me. Since like me, my competent and capable subordinate, too, seems to be concerned with this matter.”
Endless Rain
Also in anime, she noticed Yata’s worry for Mikoto and informed him about Mikoto’s condition to calm him. After breaking Sarumi’s fight, instead of asking apology, she demanded Fushimi to show her the result of his investigation, knowing full well that Fushimi already did some digging before he confronted Yata. She made the remark about only a King can attract another King. Heck, she already deduced that the reason why Munakata kept Zenjou-san on Scepter 4 is to kill Munakata one day, even though Munakata understandably never told anyone about it. During ROK, I kinda got feeling like Munakata and Fushimi were purposely ‘ghosting’ her, but looking at how observant she is, it’s quite understandable why Munakata and Fushimi kept Awashima in the dark to preserve their secret mission (still jerk move for them though).
I think that’s one of the reason why Fushimi gave the hint about his secret mission only to Yata. Not only Yata is his best friend, but he also can count on Yata’s insensitiveness, having been the victim first-hand in the past. Like, Fushimi who is surprisingly responsible and dutiful for his job maybe thought “it’s fine to give Misaki a hint, it’s not like he can pick it up anyway”, so he can feel ‘less guilty’ for endangering the secrecy of his mission. Not that he’s wrong though, I mean Yata you’re a good guy but I have to say you really have a fine thick-head for not noticing and still saying that Fushimi betrayed the Blues, Fushimi jumped from sinking ship after Fushimi uttered such a vague sentence and after knowing that Fushimi secretly asked your brother to quit Jungle. Thank God Munakata gave him clear explanation later. Instead for Awashima, she only got this :
In that brief moment of silence, Fushimi let Awashima knew 3 things :
1. He joined Green clan and willing to attack his ‘former’ clansmen for them.
2. Not only joined Green clan, but he’s now one of J-ranker of Jungle. You know, the true Green clansmen, the one they have to be most cautious like Sukuna and Yukari.
3. He allied with one of Green clansman who participated on Anna’s kidnapping and former Scepter 4′s prisoner.
And he didn’t give Awashima and Kusanagi anything except complete silence and green-laced knife-throwing. Mission accomplished! The monkey succeeds on fooling the strong-willed and observant Lieutenant of Scepter 4. Just like the phrase “To fool your enemy, fool your friends”, there’s no way Awashima can perceive that except as complete betrayal. Haha.
(Truly, Fushimi was so good at executing his job. Too good, actually).
Then, after that shocking revelation that can shake someone’s mentality, she still had duty to report it toward her superior. Look at her reaction after Munakata said things about biting the giver’s hand.
(OMG watching that scene after knowing about Fushimi and Munakata’s secret mission made me truly itch to punch a certain King’s beautiful sparkly face).
She blamed herself for failing to look after Fushimi. I read some posts about Fushimi’s betrayal speculation before ROK episode 11 was aired, those who predicted that Fushimi joined Green for real, almost all expected Yata to stop Fushimi and made him go back to Scepter 4 (or Homra). While I understand the potential Sarumi heartbreaking angst and their another flashy fighting scene, I can’t help but think, can Yata do it? Not that I doubt strong bond between them, but Yata and Fushimi are equal in power. Okay, Yata is stronger in raw power, but Fushimi proved himself can accommodate his power effectively to match Yata. We know from their fight in Ashinaka Gakuen that Fushimi’s dual-color status can pass Yata’s defense, just like an attack can pass the defense from the same aura. Then Fushimi got his Green Aura. I didn’t say that Yata surely would lose to Fushimi on that situation, but it’s understandable if he lost and no one will blame him. But Seri? She’s canonly stronger than Fushimi, she’s usually can keep Fushimi on check in Scepter 4 and Seri is his direct superior after Munakata. I think if indeed Fushimi joined Green clan, the ones that have a chance to win battling him are Seri, Kusanagi, Kuro, and Kings. I can see Awashima blamed herself for failing to stop Fushimi and wanted to compensate for that failure by bringing Fushimi back to Scepter 4.
So, as if that burden is not heavy enough, Munakata brought Zenjou to his side and Awashima, who already worried about Munakata’s safety for a whole season and more, got an honor to watch on front seat as this happened :
Her King had a sword pointed toward his neck, but Awashima wasn’t fast enough to even touch her saber. Munakata’s Second in Command, who just realized that preventing her King’s Damocles Down is her responsibility, was shown the fact that she was not fast enough in comparison with Zenjou. Just, let’s imagine some time between episode 9 and 11 Seri looked at her saber, lamented at the fact that she failed to stop Fushimi and she was not fast enough to fulfil her most hurtful responsibility. Imagine Seri tried to get a hold of herself, readied herself to point her sword toward her closest comrades.
Of course her torment didn’t end there. The Quack Prime Minister fired Munakata from his duty, removed him from Scepter 4. And Munakata, wordlessly, without giving any words or announcements toward his clansmen...
(SERIOUSLY GIVE HER A BREAK! MUNAKATAAAAA!!!!)
I feel like that scene is the peak of Munakata’s “ghosting” toward Awashima. Not to mention, her (and Scepter 4) next order is :
(Help! My poor clueless ducklings are trapped while their genius jerk megane superiors are carelessly walking toward suicide plans!).
Honorary mention for the rest of poor lost ducklings :
(Yes, Munakata, you can’t just leave without any words toward your clansmen. Especially when you literally walked toward your death).
(BTW the meaning of “one unthinkable thing happening after another” is Fushimi’s betrayal followed by Munakata’s resignation. Little appreciation that they thought Fushimi’s betrayal is “unthinkable thing” even though the fact that Fushimi’s status as Homra’s “traitor” is widely known in Scepter 4).
(Zenjou-san and the rest of Scepter 4 are not amused by your secret plan shenanigans, Munakata and Fushimi. Zenjou thought that those jerks truly ruin meganes’ reputation. Unbeknown to him, Enomoto thought the same).
Well, we know what happened after this. Seri and the rest of Special Squad got their first clue about what the heck is happened from a freaking TV, they rushed toward their King, the show was shifted to Silvers and Reds and NO SCEPTER 4 REUNION OR SETTLEMENT EVEN THOUGHT GORA CRAFTED SUCH A BIG AND COMPLEX CONFLICT IN SCEPTER 4.
Well, at least Seri got to punch Munakata in the face, even though in my opinion she truly deserved more after all the shits she had been through.
#k project#awashima seri#Munakata Reisi#fushimi saruhiko#scepter 4#scepter 4 alphabet squad#the way Munakata detached himself from his clan#kinda mirrored how Mikoto detached himself from Homra before his death#Kings...#On Munakata's credit#he didn't let his clansmen terrorized an entire school as his clan's hostages#Still what he did is quite shitty in my opinion#Also Fushimi who move along with that suicide plan#knowing Fushimi maybe he thought that no one will mind if he died on the mission#and Munakata maybe thought that as long as Scepter 4 still has Seri they can survive without him#Seri-chan please knock their heads together HARD#for supposed geniuses they're so DUMB#k meta#meta
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Movies I watched in June
Now I think I’m comfortably in a rhythm to get these posts out. For one, I’m writing up short reviews either straight after watching a movie or sometimes it might take a few days. But June was a fairly good month in terms of the amount of films I watched. I got to go to the cinema quite a bit which is always fun. Anyway, let’s get on with it! If you’re looking for something good to watch (or maybe even something bad), I hope this list can help in some way to introduce you to new and different movies that maybe you’ve never heard of, or were thinking of checking out. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 30th of June 2021.
Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - 10/10 Everyone was going off about how great this film is. An hour and a half of Bo Burnham in lockdown, singing songs and being upset is definitely a powerful hook and I have to agree with the general consensus because Inside blew me away. More thoughts on this in my podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon episode 34.
Bo Burnham: Make Happy (2016) - 7/10 After watching Inside, I figured I’d rewatch some of Burnham’s older stand-up shows on Netflix. Make Happy is a lot of fun, injected with a lot of introspection from Burnham that really makes the special stand out, despite a lot of gags that just didn’t land for me.
Bo Burnham: What. (2013) - 6/10 It’s plain to see just how much Bo Burnham has grown over the years and how he has honed his comedy and music. ‘What.’ is a good stepping stone in the comedian’s career, showcasing loads of promise in him from a young age. There are some jokes that haven’t aged as well and some that straight up dragged, but overall the show is still enjoyable.
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) - 3/10 Packed theatre for this one, obviously. People love a Conjuring movie, and I’d also say people love a good scare… but this movie isn’t scary, or good for that matter. More thoughts on episode 35 of the podcast.
The Conjuring (2013) - 6/10 After the horrendously disappointing debacle that was the third Conjuring movie, I decided to watch James Wan’s original movie and man, if this wasn’t better in literally every way. I don’t tend to love James Wan movies but I can’t deny he’s got so much talent in how he makes movies and it makes The Conjuring a lot more fun to see competent filmmaking in the horror genre in a way that actually creates an eerie atmosphere with creative uses of camera-work and editing.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - 8/10 Normally I’m not big into the old slasher movies. I appreciate that for the time, perhaps they hit differently, but now I just don’t tend to connect with them. Wes Craven’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is a bit of an exception. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not particularly scary, though it does employ a lot of interesting techniques and designs. Undeniably, the design for Fred Krueger is a staple in cinema, with the striped jumper, hat, scarred face and knives for fingers not leaving the mind of the general public any time soon. Elm Street doesn’t have too many kills but when it does, it is so effective and fun to watch. Craven was one of the greats, truly.
One Cut of the Dead (2017) - 8/10 This has to be one of the most engaging zombie movies I’ve seen in a long time. There’s a lot to spoil with One Cut of The Dead but I won’t go into that here. It is clever and funny, subverting expectations in ways I really didn’t expect. I really cannot recommend it enough.
Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - 8/10 Since we’re watching Chappelle's Show for episode 45 of the podcast, I wanted to get an idea for what I was in for, so I watched Dave Chappelle’s stand-up show from a couple of years ago. Yeah, really funny, which I suppose is what you want from a stand-up special, but what makes it better is Chappelle’s commentary on the world at large and how he’s able to combine humour with intelligent criticism.
Fear(s) of the Dark (2008) - 4/10 A few years ago I think I watched this animated black and white anthology film on a New Year's Day when I had foolishly decided to pull an all-nighter and then go out with mates for ice cream. Never again. But I’d forgotten what I thought of this movie and decided to get the DVD for cheap on eBay. Perhaps I am doomed to watch Fear(s) of the Dark only when I am tired because I popped this on when it was nearing midnight. I was lucid enough to understand what I was watching though… and it was quite boring. These short films emulate the filmmakers’ nightmares - an interesting premise in theory, but pretty weak on execution.
The Bourne Identity (2002) - 3/10 We marathoned the first three Bourne movies for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, episode 36 so check that out for my expanded thoughts on this, the best Bourne of the three.
The Bourne Supremacy (2004) - 2/10 Immediately after, we did the deep dive into Supremacy, the second Bourne and the worst of the three (albeit by a very slim margin). Check out episode 36 for more.
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - 2/10 I really couldn’t care less about these terrible movies. It was a horrible chore to sit through them. Ultimatum was also rubbish. More gripes and discussion in episode 36 of the podcast.
The Father (2021) - 10/10 Another trip to the cinema for this masterpiece. I tried very hard not to sob loudly in the theatre where aside from myself, the audience totalled three people. More discussion of The Father in episode 36 the podcast.
Drag Me To Hell (2009) - 2/10 I’m pretty shocked that Sam Raimi directed this. Usually when I watch one of his films, I can see his staple of fun gore, practical effects, crazy camera movements… but there was none of that here. It just felt like a really bad horror, indistinguishable from the regular affair, with no personality or passion. Drag Me To Hell might even have been one of those movies I’d avoided in the past when I was younger because it seemed too scary but no, it was just boring and bad and I feel like there’s something I’m not getting out of this that other people seem to be.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012) - 8/10 At this point, I feel I have to admit Wes Anderson as perhaps my second favourite director. His movies are just so nice and beautiful to watch. Moonrise Kingdom is a quirky love story between two kids and honestly, with any other director, could have been handled poorly because the story is quite simple. But Anderson injects so much of his signature style and personality into the film. A powerhouse of actors with the likes of Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis and Tilda Swinton, among a few of Anderson’s regulars, make Moonrise Kingdom a breeze. Good for a dark day to lift the spirits.
Nobody (2021) - 8/10 I needed something to fill an otherwise uneventful day, so I hopped on a bus and booked a ticket for Ilya Naishuller’s new action movie, Nobody. The film started and to my annoyance, the lights in the theatre were still on. When I go to the cinema I don’t really want to see the other people sitting around me, so I got up from my seat, abandoning the first two minutes of the film to find a member of staff to turn the lights off. After showing them that the lights were in fact still on, I took to my seat and watched the movie for what felt like a little while before the lights went off. Nobody is a really fun action movie. Perhaps similar in a lot of ways to John Wick, but with more personality to the main character. More thoughts on episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.
The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - 8/10 After procuring the Criterion blu-ray from my local hmv, I delved into all the supplements it had to offer, including a making-of documentary, chats with the director, and a gallery of polaroid pictures from when they were shooting the film in India. The Darjeeling Limited is perhaps not peak Wes Anderson, but I do kind of love it. It makes me want to go on a journey to another country with my brother and sister, perhaps in ten to fifteen years. Here, the main characters are three brothers who travel to India seeking some kind of spiritual experience. Things don’t seem to work out that way, however, because I’m not sure how spiritual an experience you can have when you plan out an itinerary to schedule it. Fantastic performances all round and of course, beautiful direction and cinematography.
Face/Off (1997) - 3/10 Was I supposed to laugh? Maybe I was just too tired but I really couldn’t stand Face/Off. It didn’t feel particularly special and despite a couple of fun ideas, it was mostly quite boring.
Luca (2021) - 5/10 The new Pixar movie leaves a lot to be desired. The animation is really second to none and I can’t fault how beautiful the movie looks, more so when it’s set in this little Italian town than under the sea. The story is so uninspired though, with the basic premise being that the protagonists want a Vespa so they enter a competition to win the money to buy one. Also they’re fish that turn into people on dry land. Maybe that’s enough for some people, but I couldn’t shake the familiarity of Luca. It never went in any interesting directions and basically did exactly what I figured it would do. I don’t believe it’s out here to subvert expectations but I would like some creativity when it comes to the writing. Perhaps if I watched it again, I might like it less. It was pretty dull.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002) - 10/10 I’m a little disappointed with the Criterion blu-ray for Punch-Drunk love. It’s supplements host a couple of low-quality deleted scenes that were clearly deleted for a reason, and some weird artsy music videos that incorporated footage from the movie. I was quite shocked at how low-effort it all seemed. The movie itself is fantastic though and I do believe it to be Adam Sandler’s best performance (and I really liked Uncut Gems). He portrays a man who is constantly put down by his family, clearly has some kind of social disability, and on top of it all he’s getting scammed by a sex line. Amongst all this, he’s trying to navigate a new relationship and it’s so sweet to watch all the interactions between Sandler and Emily Watson. It’s a perfect melding of romance, comedy and anxiety, beautifully directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.
Fargo (1996) - 9/10 Another movie you wouldn’t expect to be so funny, especially since it’s based on this horrific true story about murder, deceit and money. But the Coen brothers know how to handle it. Excellent performances, beautiful colour palette, and a story that just gets more and more insane as it goes.
House (1977) - 7/10 House (or, Hausu) was a recommendation for episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast so check that out for more discussion. Generally speaking, this Japanese horror/comedy was bonkers. Insanely creative and abstract (which at points can detriment the film) with an almost Balamory-esque presentation. I was happy to find that the comedy was not lost on me at all; this is a hilarious film, albeit maybe not all the time.
The Princess Bride (1987) - 10/10 I reviewed this in my May wrap-up but this time around, I had recommended The Princess Bride for the podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 37. It all clicked this time around. It is such a fun, warm movie with a lot of laughs and superb production.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - 8/10 Another Rob Reiner joint, a few years before The Princess Bride. This Is Spinal Tap is lauded as a masterpiece in comedic cinema and I might agree; this movie is hilarious. Shot in mockumentary fashion, it follows a band playing shows and trying to get gigs, coupled with the inevitable screw-ups of live performance and creative disagreements. It lost me every now and again but it’s still a must-watch.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - 6/10 A decent Disney flick but certainly not their best. One highlight includes the villain singing a lament about wanting to have sex with Esmerelda and calling her a witch for giving him a boner.
Ponyo (2008) - 4/10 Not sure if I’ve ever disliked a Miyazaki movie before but I did not vibe with Ponyo. It came across as very baby and as such, there really wasn’t much to read into. The animation is fantastic as always but so much of it felt specifically tailored to a younger crowd.
Roman Holiday (1953) - 9/10 Classic romance at its best. I had heard on a podcast that this was the sexiest movie the guest had ever seen and while maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, I do get where they’re coming from. I was tearing up with just how lovely it all was, following a princess who runs away and spends the day with a man she meets in Rome (where it was shot on location), doing all the things she’s wanted to do but never could because of royal responsibilities. Fantastic performances from Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck who sell the chemistry of the characters so well.
F9 (2021) - 2/10 I’ve never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies and after watching the ninth in the series, I don’t want to. This is basically the Vin Diesel show; we watch him drive cars fast and punch people a lot. Wow! I don’t really understand what it (and forgive the pun) driving people to see these movies if they’re all in this same vein. As far as I can tell, F9 is the goofiest of the series so far and I’ll admit I had a chuckle or two at some of the truly implausible moments, such as a part where one of the team gets shot by about ten men with machine guns, yet manages to kill them all without being affected by the bullets… but overall, in this two-and-a-half-hour experience, I was largely bored.
Shaolin Soccer (2001) - 7/10 I love this movie! Shaolin Soccer is so much fun; it is goofy and out there and completely crazy, all by design. Steven Chow knew what he was making when he set out to craft this insane story of a group of guys using Kung-Fu to play football. The basic story itself is nothing new but it’s elevated by the infectious comedy and implausibility of what’s happening. Balls are kicked into space and across fields so fast the very ground is torn asunder. A man eats an egg off a dirty shoe. This is cinema.
Casino Royale (2006) - 7/10 I had seen a trailer at the cinema for the new Bond movie and I have to say, I’ve never really given 007 the time of day, aside from a few of the very first movies I’d tried watching a while ago. But the new trailer kind of got me hyped, so I wanted to watch all of the Craig era Bond movies, starting with Casino Royale. I had a great time! Even though there’s not loads of fighting or weapons or fast cars, the meat of the movie actually comes from this poker game Bond is playing against the villain, played brilliantly by Mads Mikkelsen. I was surprised to witness a bit of cock-and-ball torture in this 12-rated movie but I would be lying if I said it didn’t stick with me.
Quantum of Solace (2008) - 5/10 Immediately after Casino Royale, I jumped into the second of Daniel Craig’s Bond movies, Quantum of Solace. Sadly it’s quite weak, with not much going on aside from the general Bond fare. Mathieu Amalric’s villain lacked a lot of menace or motivation and generally, I’m not super worried about a brilliant story in a Bond movie, but even the action felt weak in this. Quantum of Solace didn’t exactly upset me but it failed to wow me in any way either. The saving grace of the movie is certainly Daniel Craig as the hero, capturing Bond and what he’s supposed to be.
Skyfall (2012) - 6/10 A marked improvement from its predecessor, Sam Mendes helms Skyfall, Craig’s third outing as Bond. Skyfall delves into Bond’s past as he seems to be slipping a bit, not as much the expert operative he once was. It would have been nice to see more of his fall from grace, as they don’t really show us how he’s become less efficient as much as they give other characters expository dialogue telling us how he drinks and does drugs and is haunted by childhood trauma. For me, that’s where the meat of the story lies and I would have preferred more of a character piece if indeed they were delving into that side of the character anyway. That being said, the fights are still better choreographed than the last instalment and the colour grading and scenery is often very visually interesting. Everything in Skyfall is better than its predecessor and it’s surely thanks to Sam Mendes who does a great job at directing.
Howl's Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Another go round for Howl's Moving Castle, as this was a recommendation for my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. My opinion, I feel, is unchanged. It's a fantastic film, and you can listen to more of what I have to say in episode 37. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 - 3/10 A pretty poor end to a poor series of movies. I'm surprised I've watched the Twilight movies as many times as I have but I also know I'll watch them again. Part 2 I watched with the YMS commentary track on YouTube which, again made the experience a lot better. But otherwise the series seemed to get better as it went along… until the last movie. Ultimately my biggest problem with it is that nothing actually happens and the plot feels like a late addition rather than a natural progression of the story. It’s basically a whole movie of set-up to a payoff that doesn’t even canonically happen. A big thing with YA adaptations in this era was making a final book into two movies, regardless as to whether it needed that much time or not. Breaking Dawn does not need to be two movies at two hours each. About ten new characters are introduced here and the film is afraid of killing even one of them off. It's the last movie! We're not going to see these characters again! Kill some of them! There's just no emotional weight to any of it and I hate to say I was disappointed with the ending because I have such low expectations for these films but man, this was so unsatisfying.
Frances Ha (2012) - 8/10 Life is hard. And I hate this movie because it shows me so much of what terrifies me about being alive. And I love this movie because it shows me so much of what I’m alive for. Noah Baumbach’s brutally honest depiction of growing up and fending for yourself struck me in a way I wasn’t expecting and I think it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I’m worrying a lot about how it’s all going to turn out. The titular character is burdened with the stress of working low-paid jobs and paying rent while juggling school and making time for her passion of dancing as she tries to connect with people she’s lost, as temporary friends and housemates come and go. She feels like a lonely character despite often being around a lot of people. Frances Ha is fantastic and heartbreaking and uplifting… but it made me feel bad so I hate it.
#june#movies#wrap-up#film#follow for more#Twitter: @MShukster#bo burnham: inside#bo burnham: make happy#bo burnham: what.#the conjuring#the devil made me do it#a nightmare on elm street#one cut of the dead#dave chappelle: sticks and stones#fear(s) of the dark#bourne#the father#drag me to hell#moonrise kingdom#nobody#the darjeeling limited#face/off#luca#punch-drunk love#fargo#house#the princess bride#the hunchback of notre dame#ponyo#roman holiday
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Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 11
Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.
Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.
Side note: Sorry it took me over a week to post this! I just started my last semester of college and I also have a part time job, so I’ve been super tired. I’ll try to be more consistent.
Warnings! Pregnancy, Smut
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,
Word Count: 2k
Christmas Eve 12/24/2019
Y/n: *Wakes up and stares at Jeff peacefully sleeping*
Jeff: *moans*
Y/n: *looks down and notices Jeff has a boner* Hmmm *gently rubs the swollen tip of Jeff’s cock*
Jeff: *thrusts into y/n’s hand*
Y/n: *Smirks and quietly gets out of bed to lock the door* *Pulls Jeff’s boxer’s down and sees his cock slap against his abs* *Softly licks the base of his Jeff’s cock all the way to the tip and sucks the head*
Jeff: *moans* mmm fuck.
Y/n: *You use the entirety of your palms and fingers with just how big and long he is. You hum greedily as you do this*
Jeff: *wakes up and smirks* I guess it’s a very Merry Christmas to me.
Y/n: I can suck on your cock all day daddy *winks*
Jeff: *groaning at how fast you’re going* F-fuck baby the way you’re moaning. You’re gonna kill me *bucks his hips*
Y/n: Shhh, I don't want them to know I’m sucking your cock ;) *continues to deepthroat feeling him twitch*
Jeff: Oh my fucking god baby yesss. Fuck me, fuck me, over and over. I swear I’d be fucking you every nigh- JESUS FUCK *cums inside her mouth*
Y/n: *swallows and sucks his cock clean* That was a great way to start Christmas.
Jeff: *laughs* Me cumming in you?
Y/n: *smirks* Mhmmm, I love it when you’re in me ;)
Jeff: What time is it?
Y/n: It’s 7:42am. I think your mom is already up cooking.
Jeff: Well if you want to see the Christmas parade at 11 w/ Jonah’s family, round 2 in the shower has to be a quickie.
Y/n: *looks down at his cock* You’re still hard? You just came a bunch in my mouth.
Jeff: I’m always hard for you babe *winks*
*After the Christmas Parade*
Suzie: I loved the parade! New York is so pretty during Christmas.
Vardon: Christmas is also more fun w/ snow.
Jonah: Guys it was fucking freezing outside.
Y/n: It was only 38 degrees.
Jeff’s mom: Oh good you guys are back. Marie (Jonah’s mom) and I are almost done with the food.
Jeff: Ma you’ve been cooking since like 6am. Have you had a break?
Jeff’s mom: We also did some last minute shopping/ gift wrapping. Everybody gets to open one present today and the rest tomorrow.
Y/n: You guys open presents tomorrow?
Jeff’s dad: Yeah, doesn’t everybody?
Y/n: Well in the Hispanic/ Latinx community, we call today Hispanic Christmas. So we open our presents today and then we spend the 25th stuffing our faces in left overs. We open on the 24th cause we’re too impatient and yes, we know Jesus was born on the 25th.
Jeff: Maybe we can do that w/ the girls next year.
Jeff’s mom: *tears up* Oh god you’re going to have daughter’s next year.
Jeff: Maaaa don’t cry again.
Y/n: Oh we are definitely doing hispanic christmas. If my sister comes over, she’d want to open the presents like a week before. She’s the most impatient. One year, she opened presents at like 3-4pm.
Jeff’s mom: I’m such a cry baby. Now help me set up the table!
*everybody helps set the plates and food*
Jeff’s dad: does anybody want to start the prayer?
Jeff: I’ll do it.
Karyn: Really? The last time you did it was Easter 2005 and you couldn’t stop laughing.
Jeff’s mom: Karyn.
*everybody holds hands*
Jeff: oh Heavenly Father, thank you for all that you’ve brought us. I know that Christmas is about you but I’d like to say thanks. Thank you for keeping everybody here in good health because I don’t know where I’d be w/ out them. I’m grateful for the supportive family and friends you have given me and most importantly, y/n. I know we were very rocky until recently but you brought her into my life for a reason. She was changing me into a better person and I was too stubborn to accept it. Now she’s going to be the mother of my 2 amazing daughters. Those babies already have me wrapped around their fingers and they’re not even here yet. I can’t wait for the day y/n and I get married and have however many babies you give us but don’t make it twins each time cause that’s gonna make my hair gray fast
Jeff’s mom: Jeffrey-
Jeff: okay I’m just kidding… kind of but you know what I mean. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and the rest of my family. Amen.
Everybody: Amen
Jeff’s dad: Hun are you crying?
Y/n: *sniffles her nose* NO. Maybe…. I wouldn't have thought Jeff was religious.
Karyn: Only during Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter.
Jeff’s Dad: Karyn stop teasing your brother. Now that the prayer is over with, let’s eat!
Jeff’s mom: Marie and I spent all morning cooking. Also, since this is y/n’s first Christmas w/ us, I wanted to bring some of the food she eats during the holidays.
Y/n: What food?
Jeff’s mom: *shows the Pernil* (pernil is pork shoulder)
Y/n: NO YOU DIDN’T *tastes the food* AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE OUT MY DAD MAKES IT. How did you make it?!
Jeff: She asked me a couple of days ago what you eat during the holidays and I found your sister on instagram. I got the recipe from her.
Jeff’s mom: I saw that it was a Puerto Rican dish so I asked one of my friends who knows how to make it to show me the steps.
Y/n: Oooo imma try not to cry again but THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Jonah: Can we eat now
After Dinner
Y/n: I ate so much, I think I’m having triplets. But thank you once again. I was pretty nervous to come here because I didn’t know how y’all would react to me.
Karyn: Just know that when we get mad, it’s at Jeff cause he’s always the one that somehow messes up.
Jeff: What time is it?
Suzie: It’s 7pm. Should we watch Christmas movies and then open presents before bed?
Vardon: Let’s watch the Grinch
Jonah: *ignores Vardon* Any other suggestions? Please. ANY OTHER.
Karyn: Y/n what do you watch for Christmas.
Y/n: Well, my personal favorite is Jingle all the Way but the Christmas Line up in my family is usually Home Alone 2, A Diva’s Christmas Carol, A Very Brady Christmas, the I Love Lucy Christmas episode and other’s I can’t remember.
Jeff: I mean, we are in New York. Home Alone 2?
Everybody: Sure.
*After watching Christmas movies*
Jeff’s mom: It’s 9:45pm. I think we should be opening our one present before we go to bed.
Jeff: Youngest to oldest! So my niece goes first, then Vardon, Y/n, Suzie, Jonah, etc.
*Jeff’s nieces and Vardon opens their gifts*
Vardon: No way. Jeff got me airpods! Thank you *Hugs Jeff*
Jeff: You’re welcome. Now time for y/n to open her gift from me.
Y/n: Oooo okay. *opens gift and sees two little gold bracelets* what are these for?
Jeff: I always see babies w/ the small little charm bracelet. You mentioned your sister and you never got that from your parents but your older brother did. I wanted to do that for our girls even though they're not here yet. So once we pick out the names, we’ll get the charms.
Y/n: *sniffles* Dammit why do you keep making me cry.
Jeff: Cause I don’t want you to ever forget how much I love you.
Jonah: Can we move on from this sappy shit so I can open my gift.
Everybody: JONAH.
*After everybody opens their presents*
Y/n: Thank you so much for accepting me on such short notice.
Jeff’s mom: Hun we’re family now. You’ll always be a part of us. Same for the Antonyans. We know how much Jeff misses having us around since he’s been living in LA and y’all have been a family to him.
Jonah’s mom: I love Jeff like he my own son. He help us so much.
Jeff’s Dad: Y’all just have to make sure to visit us often. Get’s kind of lonely here w/ Karyn living in Kentucky, Jeff living in LA. I mean Steven lives in the city w/ his kids but we miss having all of you together here.
Jeff: I’m starting to think that having girls runs in the family. Karyn has a daughter, Steven has twin girls and now I’m gonna have twin girls.
Jeff’s mom: I mean you never know if the nurse made a mistake. They thought your brother was a girl for half my pregnancy. Then they did the last ultrasound a week before I gave birth to him and they said he was a boy.
Y/n: Oh god I don’t even want to think about that. I’m already stressed out about the babies possibly being deaf now I gotta be worried if the nurse misgendered them….
Karyn: The babies are gonna be deaf?
Y/n: Hmm?
Jeff’s dad: You just said there’s a possibility the twins will be born deaf.
Y/n: Fuck. I did say that, didn't I… Jeff, you wanna help me out here?
Jeff: Ummm. Damn we weren’t planning on telling anybody this for a couple of weeks. We got a call a couple of days ago after we did some genetic testing and the doctor said the babies have a high chance of being born hard of hearing/ deaf.
Karyn: My doctors told me the same thing. Luckily my daughter turned out fine
Steven: I wasn’t a carrier for the gene…
Jeff’s mom: We’ll love those babies no matter what. If we have to learn sign language for them, then we’d do it. I’ll fly out to LA once it gets close to the due date to help out.
Jeff: Thanks ma. Means a lot.
Y/n: Thank you so much. I don’t know if my own parents would forgive me by then to be there for the birth.
Jeff’s mom: Anytime sweetheart. My god look at the time, It’s 10:15, we have to go to bed before Santa comes.
Jonah: Haha, but santa isn-
Jeff: Jonah you better better not finish that sentence cause my nieces are here and I don’t wanna see the magic ruined for them.
Jonah: What I was saying was, isn't Santa a little late?… He should’ve been here by now…
Going to bed
Y/n: I am so stuffed. Christmas turned out a lot better than I thought.
Jeff: See, you had nothing to be afraid about. Also, good job on keeping the deaf thing a secret haha.
Y/n: Hey! It’s been on my mind since we found out. WAIT. Jonah and Suzie.
Jeff: What about them?
Y/n: they were there…. What if they tell everybody else.
Jeff: Suzie would never… Jonah on the other hand… I have little faith in him.
Y/n: I’m afraid to check my phone.
Jeff: Same. I haven't looked at it all day. On the count of 3…
Y/n: One….
Jeff: Two.
Y/n & Jeff: Three. *looks at phones*
Y/n’s phone: 82 text messages & 24 missed calls
Jeff’s phone: 77 text messages & 21 missed calls
Vlog Squad GC
David: Was what Jonah said true?
Natalie: Is it serious?
Jason: Y’all I’m so sorry
Zane: There has to be a way to fix it. My babies will be okay right?
Erin: I’ll postpone my wedding until the babies are okay
Carly: Oh no Carly and Erin jr :(
Corinna: The babies are gonna be deaf?
Mariah: Is it confirmed?
Heath: Have y’all seen other doctors?
Matt: Guys they’re busy. I don’t think we should be spamming them on Christmas.
Toddy: We’ll stop one they answer us!
David: I’ll put in whatever money you need for surgeries or anything.
Jason: Guys stop. They’ll tell us everything once they’re ready.
(end of conversation)
Jeff: I’m gonna kill Jonah.
Y/n: Oh hun, so will I…
The next chapter might take a bit because I’m still thinking what will be in it. You guys can give be suggestions and I can give you credit for it!
Comment if you want to be on the taglist!
Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @galxydefender @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee @ranprivate @one-sweet-gubler @sunwardsss @shamalamashams @michellemxndes
#jeff wittek#jeff wittek imagine#jeff wittek imagines#jeff wittek x reader#jeff wittek fanfic#jeff wittek fanfiction#jeff wittek smut#jeff wittek blurb#jeff wittek fluff#jeff wittek angst#vlog squad#vlog squad imagine#vlog squad imagines#the vlog squad#the vlog squad imagine#david dobrik#david dobrik imagines#david dobrik imagine#zane hijazi#toddy smith#heath hussar#carly incontro#erin gilfoy#corinna kopf
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Entangled (Spencer Reid x femReader)
Summary: You don’t know how it happened. One moment you were watching Criminal Minds, and the next moment you were literally in the show. Can Spencer be the key to helping you find your way back home?
Warnings: minor character death, mentions of su*cide, bad explanations of quantum mechanics, sexual situations, the usual criminal minds-type content
A/N: wow I’ve been on this site for ages, nearly as long as Criminal Minds was on air, lol, but this is my first fic posted here. I plan to make this one into a few parts if people like it. If this has any relation to other fics it’s not intended. Literally just an idea that popped in my brain. I’ll also eventually add it to my wattpad .@ kittentastic
Word Count: 3,119
Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Chapter 10. Chapter 11.
It was an average, lonely, autumn night. Halloween was nearing and you didn't have anywhere to be. Long estranged from the people you once called family, and friends, you were starting a new life in L.A.
Yeah, you were one of those small-town girls with big-city dreams. You wanted to be an actress, a dream your father had once encouraged. When he suddenly died, you had nothing left but a new step-mother who discouraged your dreams and was more than happy to disown you when you reached 18 years of age; a classic Cinderella story.
It had taken a while, getting yourself through university and saving up enough money to move out to L.A. Now you were 27 and living your dreams...partly. You worked at a coffee shop in Hollywood; a great way to meet people that could potentially cast you in a big production, but that plan had yet to come to fruition. Every audition would have someone else in mind for the part.
Today, you had finished yet another round of auditions for everything from small commercial bits to tv shows. You poured yourself a glass of red wine after finishing your microwavable meal-for-one dinner. Wine would always be your go-to drink after your dissappointing days, it was great at helping you sleep. You clicked on the tv and sipped your drink from your criss-crossed sitting position and soon found a Criminal Minds marathon that was just starting. It almost seemed like fate as tomorrow you had an audition lined up for the very same show.
You smiled as the bright, happy, Penelope Garcia came into the shot, followed by the rest of the BAU. You absentmindedly bit your lip as Dr. Spencer Reid came into frame.
Like a large percentage of the show's viewership, you found the handsome genius slipping into one or two of your fantasies. You may have daydreamed about the Dr. being a real person and walking into your workplace to order coffee and whisk you off your feet. You may have also woken up from a few dreams involving the handcuffs he was currently restraining an unsub with.
You wondered if you would get the part. Would it be odd having to pretend this dream-man was real? You'd hope you could contain your blushing around Matthew at least.
You finished your drink and stretched out on the couch, already feeling your eyes growing heavy. You found your mind wandering as you grew more and more tired, hardly paying attention to the episode. The last thought you had before you drifted off was, "what if Spencer Reid was a real person?"
Bright lights of assorted colors and shapes danced behind your tired eyes. You felt a tugging sensation that seemed to pull you from your core. It felt warm and safe, like it wanted to protect you. A hum grew louder and louder in your ear canal, followed by a crackling wind. It was like an electric storm. The smell of coffee and a woodsy vanilla filled whatever place you were in. It was odd, you knew this, but you weren't scared. Something told you this was right. Your body began to rise higher and higher until a loud snap echoed around you, shattering your surroundings.
"Whoa, sleeping on the job now Y/N? Did someone tire you out last night?" A woman's voice broke through the fog as your mind caught up with you.
Wait, am I still dreaming? That voice...it sounds like...
"Pretty Boy, you wanna check her for a pulse?"
And that is definitely...
"I-I don't think that's necessary."
You slowly lifted your head and opened your eyes wide. Your blurred vision slowly grew used to the bright indoor lighting. Your eyes widened as you saw none other than JJ, Morgan, and Reid. Yes, the fictional characters were standing in front of you.
How was this even possible? You had to be dreaming, or maybe you were forgetting and you were at a very strange audition. Yes, that had to be it, logically.
"Good morning Sleeping Beauty. Rough night? I didn't think Reid's Doctor Who nights were that wild, I might have to tag along and chaperone you two next time." Morgan greeted with a teasing smirk.
"How late did you two go for last night?" JJ asked, leaning against the desk that you had been sleeping on, and sipping her coffee.
She directed the question to you, but you didn't remember this dialogue in the audition script. When you didn't answer, Spencer spoke up.
"She texted me when she got home safe at 9:43pm. I made sure she left early as the rain was starting up. Now, of course, she could have stayed up longer, but we continued to exchange texts until she texted me goodnight at 10:15pm."
"Goodnight texts? Remind me and JJ here why you two aren't dating again?" Morgan crossed his arms looking between you and Spencer.
You blinked, taking a chance to finally look around. There were no cameras in sight. Above you was a tiled ceiling with office lighting. No directors or normal-looking crew members were around.
"Matthew?" You asked, directing your question to a stuttering, red-faced Reid.
Everyone turned their attention back to you. Reid, or Matthew, raised his eyebrow at you. And turned to look if anyone was standing behind him that you could be talking to.
"Who is Matthew, Y/N?" He asks, cautiously.
Oh my god. I must be dreaming.
You stood up and slowly reached out to Reid, who was standing closest to you. You gently poked his cheek. He looked almost afraid at your actions.
"Spencer?" You lower your shaky hand. He felt real, he was standing in front of you. You could smell his morning coffee.
"Yeah?"
"Pinch me."
"What? Why?"
"So I know that I'm not dreaming." You could feel his eyes prodding you, profiling.
"Maybe we should get you to a doctor-"
You grabbed his wrist and placed his hand on your upper arm.
"Pinch me. Hard."
Spencer winced as he did what you asked of him. He obviously did not want to hurt you. You felt your nerves fire off in pulses of pain where he pinched. You sharply inhaled and he immediately dropped his hand.
"Oh my god," you stammered, "ohmygodohmygodohmygod."
This is real. Spencer Reid is real.
You slid back down in your chair and looked at an open mouthed JJ and Morgan, staring at you in shock.
"What kind of kinky shit are you two into?" Morgan narrowed his eyes at Reid.
"This is no time for teasing Derek. I think she's suffering from a concussion." JJ reached out, concerned, feeling your forehead for a fever.
"She doesn't have any visible signs of bruising. Y/N do you remember hitting your head on anything, or experiencing whiplash today?" Reid, growing serious turned your chair towards him, raking his fingers through your hair to check your scalp for any tender spots.
For a moment you had to stop yourself from sighing, it just felt nice, and it was Spencer.
"No I'm-I'm fine, my head feels fine." You answered.
"What's the last thing you remember doing?"
You bit your lip, should you answer him truthfully? How would you even explain something so illogical.
"I-I remember. I fell asleep on the couch watching tv." In a different reality.
"Do you think it's possible you rolled off of the couch in your sleep?"
You frowned to yourself.
"It's possible."
It's never happened before, but you suppose it would explain things. This was definitely a hallucination. Maybe it was one of those Spencer-centric dreams.
"Spence, I think you should take Y/N to the hospital. I'll cover for you with Hotch." JJ suggested.
Spencer nodded in agreement while Morgan looked worriedly at you. JJ got up from the desk to seek out Hotch in his office.
"Do you have your keys?" Spencer asked, still looking you over.
"Um-" you checked your pockets and sure enough found a ring of keys in your pants pocket. You dropped them into Spencer's outstretched hand.
"Can you walk?" Spencer's voice went softer.
You shivered as you did whenever you heard that tone on the show. He could make a living doing ASMR with that voice.
You stood with Spencer's unneeded, but much appreciated, help. He seemed to have no problem holding your hands to help you, something you considered to be out of character for the germaphobic Dr. Reid. Then again, the show did not go this long without it's occasional inconsistencies. Was your subconscious hallucination really thinking these things out?
You followed him to the elevator with ease, taking in your surroundings as you went. As the elevator doors closed, Spencer frowned at you once again.
"Your pupils have been dilated since you woke up." He spoke.
Yeah probably because the attractive genius I've been dreaming of for years is vividly realistic and talking to me.
"Is that a sign of head trauma?"
"Actually yes, you could be experiencing a sensitivity to light as a result of your head trauma. If that's the case, then you're in luck because it's been raining all day."
You followed Spencer out to your car, or at least you thought it was your car. You didn't exactly own one before dropping into this hallucination world. You were saving up for one, but didn't really need it as you lived close to your job and took public transit when you needed to go further distances. This car was nice, you supposed the dream BAU job payed well.
Spencer drove you to the hospital and waited in the waiting room as you received a full check up and MRI. You hoped he wasn't too bored waiting. As the doctor returned with your results you asked if Spencer could come in to hear the diagnosis. The doctor asked if he was family and you lied saying he was your fiancé. The doctor really didn't seem to care and Spencer was allowed in. He looked confident, prepared to discuss anything scientific that you may not understand yourself.
"Well Y/N, after reviewing your MRI scans and testing results, I can confidently assure you that you are perfectly healthy. We can order some blood tests for you if you wish, but from the concussion symptoms you thought you had, and from the results I have in front of me, I don't believe they are necessary." The doctor said with a smile, probably just happy to be delivering some good news.
"That can't be right." You shook your head and frowned.
"Y/N was clearly exhibiting fatigue, light sensitivity, memory loss, and confusion at work. If she's not concussed, what is wrong with her?" Spencer asked.
"I'd say your fiancé is simply experiencing the effects of exhaustion and a lack of sleep. My advice? Take her home and let her rest."
Spencer firmly shut his mouth as the doctor said "fiancé."
The doctor turned to you. "If you'd like, I can perscribe you a sleeping sedative."
You shook your head "no." You couldn't believe it; you'd slept at a reasonable hour, and you didn't feel fatigued.
Everything was starting to feel so real. The warmth of Spencer sitting so close to you felt real. The rain that fell on your skin felt real. The medicinal scent of the hospital made your feel sick. You could only think of one final way to try to wake up.
"Spencer can you stop somewhere for me?" You asked as he drove you home.
"Sure."
"Is there a lake near by?"
"Yeah...you don't remember? You've jogged on the trails near it with JJ and Morgan."
"Can you take me there? There's something I need to do."
You were beginning to grow used to the worried look on his face. The way his eyes softened reminded you of a puppy.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to you. If this was a dream concocted by your brain, wouldn't Spencer be a bit more romantic? In your dreams he could range from a hardcore, post-prison, genius, bad boy to a nerdy romantic, but he was always, obviously, interested in you right away. This Spencer seemed to be your friend, just your friend. By now he would've usually confessed his undying love and maybe taken you in the back seat of your car. Yeah, you weren't the most creative person. What kind of dream was this?
You felt a blush coming on as Spencer side-eyed you. Your brain would never torture you with a long-con, would it?
Spencer took you to the lake, walking beside you without a word, most likely thinking you were going crazy and in need of sleep. You walked to the edge of the trail and looked down at the lake. It was a ways down, the point you were standing was more like a cliff. You determined that the water must have been about a 6 second drop down for someone your size
"Y/N, why did you want me to take you out here?" Spencer asked as he eyed the waters below.
You stayed silent as you took a few steps back. You took a deep breath, and before you could second-guess yourself, you ran to the edge of the cliff and jumped.
"Y/N!" Was the last, panicked thing you heard before the body of water came rushing towards you.
Your body submerged in the icy cold water and sunk deep down from the speed at which you fell. All you could hear was the echoing pressure of the water against your eardrums. This was your last resort. You knew if anything could wake you up, it would be this, your biggest fear.
Your father had drowned, he worked on a fisherman's boat and a storm had overturned the ship far out in the ocean. All that had been recovered was assorted pieces of the ship's wreckage. You'd never even had the chance to learn how to swim as the fear had already settled in before your step-mother could arrange lessons.
If you could drown in this confusing dream-world, maybe you would wake up in time for your Criminal Minds audition.
Your lungs protested as you let yourself sink. You closed your eyes and let your muscles relax. Your head screamed at you, telling you that you absolutely should not be doing this. Fear prickled at your skin. Why did this feel like you were actually dying?
A heartbeat later, you heard the water's surface explode above you, but you didn't have the strength to look up. Your brain processed something wrapping around you and tugging you up, but you could not open your eyes to see what it was. You held on to your last bit of consciousness as you breeched the surface of the water and felt the chilly air assault your skin.
Arms pulled you somewhere. Your body was dragged up something solid, the backs of your legs scraped against rocks. It must have been land. Hands applied pressure, pushing like a heartbeat against your center, you could hardly feel it. A hand held your mouth open while another pinched your nose closed. Lips pushed, rushed, against your own as air was forced back into you. The hand left your mouth and returned to pumping.
"Come on. Come back to me Y/N. Please." Pleading followed by more air.
The strange entity repeated the process once more before you felt everything come up, forcing you back to reality.
You coughed and choked up water and bile; the rain washed it all away. Your lungs were aching and your skin was ice cold. The only warmth was what lingered from the person's lips. A hand pat and rubbed your back, helping you cough up everything. When it was all over your whole body was shivering. Your muscles gave out and a pair of arms wrapped around you, holding you up.
"Y/N."
You weakly turned your head.
Spencer. He's still here. He's really here.
He was soaked, hair ringlets stuck to his face, and his eyes were rimmed red. He looked like an angel, hand carved by Michelangelo himself.
Your brain was trying to catch up with his words.
"Y/N, I need to get you back to the car before we both go into hypothermia. Can you walk?" He asked through chattering teeth.
Your throat was killing you, so you opted for just shaking your head "no" in response.
"I'll have to carry you then, okay?"
You nodded, doubtful he could, especially in his weakened state.
He stood, grabbing his bearings before scooping you up. You weakly held his neck and lay your head on his shoulder. Your pain was numbed, you knew, from the biting cold.
Spencer managed to carry you all the way back to the car, placing you gently in the backseat and turning the heat all the way up. He climbed in the backseat with you and began to remove his jacket and tie.
"We have to remove our clothes, they're soaking wet and we have to warm up. Do you need me to help you undress?" There was no hint of teasing or slyness in Spencer's voice. He was completely serious and you knew he was right.
"I-I can't. Everything is numb." You managed to croak out, wincing at the pain it brought your throat.
"Alright, um- I'll only remove your shirt and pants."
You nodded, weakly.
Spencer removed his own shirt before carefully lifting yours over your head. He made sure to keep his eyes on your face as much as possible and not linger his gaze anywhere else. Next he removed your shoes, socks, and peeled your pants down your legs. You managed to arch your back slightly to help him. Lastly, he removed his own pants and threw all the clothes in a pile on the floor of you car.
"I'm going to hold you now, if that's alright. We need each other's body heat." Spencer looked less confident now. You managed to nod a "yes."
If you weren't so close to death, you knew your brain would be shorting out at the thought of being held by a half-naked, and very real, Spencer Reid.
He helped you lay down across the seats and settled in next to you. He wrapped his arms around you and rubbed his hands along your shoulders and back in an effort to warm you and massage your tensed muscles.
A few minutes of this went by before you could finally move. You wrapped your arms around Spencer, holding him close as his body warmed your own, and you cried against his chest.
One thought repeated over and over again in your head.
This is real.
You worked for the BAU and Spencer Reid had just saved your life.
Next Chapter
#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fic#criminal minds#fanfiction#drama#romance#cm
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Updated TUA Timeline
A little over a year ago, Aidan posted a timeline for the events of the Umbrella Academy on his Instagram. I posted it on this blog at the time and promised I was going to update my TUA Timeline post with that info. Never did. But I am now! So, here it is. The updated TUA Timeline.
Also, there will obviously be spoilers, so don’t read this if you haven’t watched season 1.
October 1st, 1989 - The Umbrella Academy kids are born.
1993 - Grace Joins the family. This is according to Aidan’s Timeline. Depending on the time of the year, the kids would be 3 or 4 when this happens. This may or may not be when the kids get names.
1993/1994 - Vanya forgets about her powers. Vanya also trains with Reginald and is subsequently made to forget about her powers around this time. Though we don’t get a specific date or length of time that Vanya trains, the flashbacks don’t appear to show her training for a super long time. I think a good guess would be less than a year for this training, putting Vanya’s age at 4. (This also matches up with the casting for the young Vanya and young Allison roles, which I used previously to estimate this age/date)
1997/1998 - Klaus is locked in the mausoleum for the first time. I am basing this on the casting for the role of young Klaus, which has him at 8 years old. However, it’s not quite that simple, because when Klaus is talking to his dad in episode 7, he says that his dad locked him in the mausoleum when he was 13. Complicating matters even further, there is a post somewhere out there that took a screen shot of Reginald’s journal with notes about locking Klaus in the mausoleum. (I have not been able to find that post again, so if anyone knows the one I’m talking about and has a link, I would love to put it in here). The date recorded on those notes is 2001. (I don’t remember the month, but I think it was summer) That would have made him 11 years old. It’s possible that this was just an inconsistency in the writing. Or it’s possible that Reginald locked Klaus in a mausoleum on at least 3 different occasions at age 8, 11, and 13. Possibly more.
2001/2002 - The Umbrella Academy stops a Robbery I’m basing this on the fact that all the same actors were used for these scenes as were used in the scene where Five leaves, so they can’t be much more than a year younger than that.
November 10, 2002 - Five leaves the Academy According to Pogo in episode 1, Five has been gone for 16 years, 4 months, and 14 days. The date in that episode is March 24th, 2019 (according to Vanya). That means that Five disappeared on November 10th, 2002, a little more than a month after the Umbrella Academy kids all turned 13. (This date is also confirmed on Aidan’s timeline)
(Side-note. Remember when Klaus mentions being locked in the mausoleum when he was 13? That means it probably happened not too long after Five disappeared. Holy Fuck Regi!)
2006(?) - Ben Dies OK, this is only a guess, BUT it’s a good one and if you scroll down to the additional notes at the bottom, you’ll see why.
2014 - Vanya publishes her book In episode 3, we learn that Vanya wrote her book 5 years earlier. (when they were 24) At this point, Ben is already dead and Luthor has not had his accident yet.
2014/2015 - Luther has his accident We’re not sure how long it takes Regi to send Luther to the moon after his accident (days? weeks? months?) so all we really know is that the accident happens sometime between Vanya publishing her book and the moon trip.
2015 - Luther goes to the moon In episode 6, Luther says that he was on the moon for 4 years, making him about 25 years old when he left. Aidan’s timeline also confirms that Luther went to the moon in 2015.
March 24th, 2019 - Reginald’s Funeral We know this because they tell Five the exact date.
April 1st, 2019 - Apocalypse (Dear Commission: Worst April Fools joke ever).
This Brings us to the present. The members of the Umbrella Academy are all 29, except for Five, who is 58, and Klaus, who spent 10 months in Vietnam and is therefore 30 now.
Additional Notes on the Timeline:
Five in the Future Five finds Delores pretty soon after the apocalypse (again, same actor, so I’m figuring a year leeway at most). He tells Klaus that he was with Delores for 30 years. That would make him about 43 when The Handler shows up. When Five gets back to the present, he gives a very specific amount of time he has been gone: 45 years. This means he spent 15 years working for the Comission, making him 58 at this point. Five also traveled through history extensively while working for the commission. His last mission had something to do with the Kennedy assassination, which would put him in 1963. (Quick note on this one - Someone commented on this post a while back with a correction and I was going to go back and do more research so I could correct these numbers, but now I can’t find the post and it’s been so long that I can’t remember what the correction was. So, if these numbers look off, let me know and I will fix it)
1968 - Klaus travels back in time to the Vietnam War Historical Context: This is 3 years after the first American troops arrived in Vietnam and 5 years after Kennedy was assassinated. Nixon was elected in 1968. This was also the year of the Tet Offensive, a massive campaign by the North Vietnamese Army to push the US troops out of the country and ferment rebellion among the South Vietnamese people. This was the big turning point in the war and marked the beginning of the US troops’ defeat. This was also the year of the My Lai Massacre, where the US Army murdered more than 500 civilians in the city of My Lai. This incident was covered up for a year before the American press found out about it.
Finally, the reasoning behind my guess that 2006 is the year Ben died:
Klaus mentions that Ben died “young and tragic”
Everyone left the house after Ben died, according to Vanya.
In episode 3, Alison says that they left their mom alone for 13 years. (13 years ago, they would have been 16) We don’t know how quickly everyone left, if it took days, weeks, or even years, so it’s possible that 13 years ago was when Alison left specifically. It could be that everyone was gone by that date. Or it could be that this is when everyone started leaving.
Diego mentions moving out at 17. Again, everyone left after Ben died, so it would have happened before that.
Ben’s statue does not have a date on it, but obviously he would have had to be at least the same age as he is depicted there.
We also have the following portraits sequence in episode 1 that was used to show Five’s disappearance and Ben’s death. Here are all 4 portraits.
Portrait 1 is done when they are all 12 or 13 years old. Everyone looks about the same age in portrait 2, so I’m assuming it Reginald had it commissioned right after Five disappeared. It would therefore make sense that portrait 4 was done right after Ben died. There are clearly several years age difference between portraits 2 and 3. It also looks like there may be another year or so age difference between portraits 3 and 4. Because of this, I would argue that the children are at least 15 years old in the final portrait. Therefore, Ben dies at age 15 or 16.
Last bit of evidence is Aidan’s timeline. Now, the year for Ben’s death is blacked out, BUT we can see the general shape of the numbers. The first number is clearly a 2, so we know that it’s not just a bunch of 0′s as a place holder. The last two numbers are rounded at the top and the bottom. In the font they are using, that gives us these possible years: 2003, 2006, 2008, 2009.
The placement between 2002 and 2015 is just a little past the middle point, so at first I figured that would mean the year was 2009. HOWEVER, that would mean he died at age 20. The other kids definitely don’t look 20 in the portrait after Ben dies and this doesn’t match up with the comments Allison and Diego make about leaving when they were still in their teens. Also, if you look at the timeline for earlier years, the same space between dates is used across the board, whether those dates are 4 years apart or 9 years apart.
Conclusion: I think Ben died in early 2006 (making him 16).
And that’s all I’ve got so far.
If anyone else has more clues for the timeline, please add them to this post.
#TUA Timeline#The Umbrella Academy#tua#klaus hargreeves#ben hargreeves#five hargreeves#Allison Hargreeves#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#vanya hargreeves
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Riverdale 5x11-5x14
So I might have fallen behind a bit with Riverdale and have only now just caught up with the new episodes post break. I decided writing reviews for each episode was going to take too much time and to be honest I don’t have too much to say so I’m just going to do a quick run down of what I thought of the episodes and then go back to single episode reviews from 5x15 onwards. Overall I’m not overly impressed with the episodes, I feel like the season started out really good but as its gone on its just kind of lost its way and I don’t know if that is covid related and all the breaks but I haven’t enjoyed the episodes as much post like episode 8, though I liked ep 10 better than episode 9. But anyway lets get into the reviews. As always these are just my own opinions and there will be spoilers.
5x11
So the episode starts off with Veronica and Archie deciding to put a pause on their relationship until her and Chad are officially divorced which I personally think they should have done from the start because the way they got back together was way to fast, I mean she told Chad she wanted a divorce, kissed Archie and was sleeping with him, then she goes back to new york and sleeps with chad all in the space of like 2 episodes. Though I think given their scene at the end when Veronica is pushing a little for him to change his mind I don’t think she is as much on board with their pause as Archie. I will be honest I’m not really enjoying the way they’ve written Veronica this season I actually think they’ve made her kind of unlikable at times and she sometimes comes across a bit selfish I also feel like they don’t really know what to do with her character anymore. But I am glad Veronica and Archie have decided to take the break however I also think it might be a bit ominous for Varchie that they’ve done this now which I’ll get into more in a separate post.
Ok this might be a little mean of me but I was kind of happy when Archie called out Veronica when she came to him for help about her blue opal. About how she went to new york despite him asking her not to and about how she then came back without a divorce and having slept with her husband and not even telling him why she can’t divorce him just yet. But Archie is still Archie so naturally he does help her anyway.
Speaking of Veronica’s blue opal I did find it kind of hilarious that she seemed to care more about that then she did her father’s life. But you know fair.
Archie isn’t the only one Veronica asks for help though she also gets assistance from Reggie and we learn more about how he ended up working for Hiram, turns out his father is still running for the worst dad of eternity award and got into debt that Reggie is now working off. I did like the Veggie scenes though and I am really glad that reggie is getting more screen time.
This episode was an episode for the return of the side characters, Dodger and Darla are back and causing problems as per usual. Also there was that guy, Doc, Jughead was saved by who we heard about once in a story Jughead told about how as a kid he watched a guy being beat by some rich guys. To be honest I wasn’t all that interested in Jughead’s storyline this episode. I mean is that something that actually happens? Rich guys just randomly beating up homeless people like they did with Juggie and Doc. I’m not saying it doesn’t I just thought it was a bit nonsensical for these guys just to come out of a club and start beating up a guy just because. Still bless Doc for coming to the rescue and taking care of Jughead, I did like Doc and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. But another thing that didn’t make sense to me is that Jughead didn’t recognise Doc. Like he was old enough to remember this traumatic experience of watching a guy get beat and feeling guilty about not helping but doesn’t recognise the guy until he gives Juggie his name. Yet Doc was able to recognise Jughead even though the last time he saw him was a child? Overall I am not sure what the point of Jughead’s storyline was this episode other than to maybe show how messed up he is at the moment with the blackouts and hallucinations, I suppose it was also so he could reach the realisation that he needed to go back to new york and work out what happened to him when he lost those days. He does leave a really sweet voicemail for tabitha before he goes though and promises to finish their dance.
The best part of this episode though was the storyline with Tabitha and Betty, also Jessica, and their search for Jughead. I really liked the interaction between Betty and Tabitha and I like that they are becoming friends. Tabitha was obviously really worried about Jughead. But Betty, wow, she couldn’t be less bothered about Jughead could she. I mean after hearing the voicemail he left for her I can understand why Betty is reluctant to get involved with anything to do with Jughead because that voicemail was yikes. I mean Betty did cheat and that clearly hurt Jughead so I am not saying that Betty is entirely blameless but I would expect the voicemail was still a shock as it had been five years since she had cheated and we know from the most recent episode (ep 14) that she and Juggie were amicable with each other and would talk on the phone so this probably came out of nowhere for her. However Betty is Betty and so she still helps. Which ultimately leads to Jessica showing up and I know we are suppose to hate Jessica but, like, I love Jessica. I was thoroughly entertained by her antics and thought she was actually kind of funny. She’s another character where I wouldn’t mind if she just randomly pops up and causes some trouble now and again. In the end as suspected Jessica is actually there for ulterior motives and wants Jughead’s manuscript. I actually really felt for her when she explained that she wanted it because she was afraid Jughead had written something that would look bad to her family and friends. It’s the same as how the serpents were upset about how he wrote them in the outcasts and how he threatens Betty saying once people read his books they’ll all know what kind of person she really is. I’ve spoken about it before but Jughead often uses his friends and others peoples stories in his writing and I am glad that the writers of the show are now showing the effect that has on the people who are the subjects of his writing. That being said I am worried that might not be the true reason Jessica took the manuscript and its possible she might actually try to publish it herself. Also it was kind of funny seeing Betty and Tabitha on the shrooms but, not ok Jessica, don’t drug people.
Archie was rounding up all the convicts this episode and to be honest I don’t really have much to say about this other than I thought it was really smart to use this as a way of getting money out of Hiram so they can repair the school that Hiram had trashed.
Meanwhile Penelope has started a ministry which means she gets early release from prison. Also I absolutely loved the expressions of cheryl and nana rose when Penelope told them about the ministry. I am glad that Cheryl at first was very wary of her mothers plans as oppose to just immediately going along with it, but alas she does get roped in to it when she opens a chest and finds Jason’s burned skeleton inside. I mean can we please please just let that poor guy rest in piece. Please. At this point poor Jason has been stuffed in a freezer, dumped in a river, buried and exhumed twice, set on fire in a viking burial and now he is stuffed in a trunk. Also I am a bit confused. Was Cheryl snooping in her mother’s room and discovered Jason’s remains there or was it her room and she was the one that had recovered him? But anywhere Cheryl seems to have a revelation when she sees the bird and ends up embracing the ministry life.
5x12
So episode twelve is kind of like the breakfast club episode where it is out of the timeline and kind of like a standalone episode but still has information about the plot of the season. This episode is the backstory of Hiram but we also get some great Reggie development in this episode. I didn’t hate the episode as much as I thought I was going to when I found out there was going to be a hiram backstory episode, but I also don’t think it was very accurate in terms of what we already knew from previous episodes. I think there were a lot of continuity errors. But those aside it was a ok episode. We learn that Hiram and his dad were shoe polishers and that Hiram clearly hated the way they were treated because they were poor and wanted more from life. We also learn that it was his father who first began searching for palladium after learning about it from a business man in new york and that’s why they decided to move to Riverdale. Hiram’s motives are to finish what his father started. Hiram catches the attention of a drug dealer guy and starts running drugs and gets money and new shoes and a car. His parents are obvious suspicious and aren’t happy about him getting caught up with those guys so his dad goes to tell the mob leader that he will fire his son or he’ll go to the cops which leads to him being killed by the mob leader. Hiram then kills the mob leader’s men and pretty much drives him out of town and then he takes over. Hiram clearly loved his dad but they had issues. Hiram would get very angry about the way others would treat them but his dad would often shrug it off. But I do think losing his dad had a big impact on Hiram and it was interesting to learn more about his past.
The other kind of plot in this episode was with Reggie and his dad which was obviously suppose to mirror Hiram and his dad. Only in this scenario Hiram is the criminal and Reggie is young Hiram. Reggie manages to pay off his dad debt but wants to still work for Hiram meanwhile his dad wants Reggie to quit working for Hiram. He even like Hiram’s father did in the past visits Hiram and asks him to let Reggie go. What’s interesting is that Hiram does, I am assuming its because in that moment Reggie’s father reminded him of his own father and he kind of forces Reggie into making the decision he himself wished he had made. But first he gets Reggie’s and Hermosa’s help in finding and killing the mob boss finally avenging his father’s death. Hiram also tells Reggie to go back to his father and forgive him and here is my problem with this. I get that its because Hiram regrets all the disagreements and the falling out he had with his own father and there’s Reggie and he reminds Hiram of his younger self and Reggie’s situation reminds him of his past but Hiram’s dad was a decent person and was a good father who always wanted the best for his son. Reggie’s dad on the other hand used to regularly abuse and beat his son. Yes he does show concern for Reggie in this episode but that doesn’t erase the years of abuse he inflicted on his son. It’s not the same and I honestly don’t think his father deserves Reggie’s forgiveness. That being said I suppose if Reggie is forgiving his dad not for his dad’s sake but for himself because he thinks that will help him heal and move on that I can be ok with that.
Come the end of the episode I don’t think I hate Hiram any less but still his backstory was interesting and I am glad that Reggie isn’t working with him anymore.
5x13
Out of all of these four episodes this one was the one I liked the most. So in this section I am going to divide it by plotline/characters.
Archie
So the episode starts out really intensely with Archie having a nightmare about his time at war and Eric losing his leg which honestly looks horrendous and I am not at all surprised that both Archie and Eric are now suffering from PTSD. It gets a bit dangerous too when Eric pulls a gun on Archie whilst having a flashback. Uncle Frank tries to help them by getting them a dog. As someone who actually has a therapy dog myself I know this is something that does actually help. But we do learn that sadly Vegas passed away whilst Archie was deployed. Also the dog Frank got is one that was used in dog fighting and ends up biting Eric. Archie’s reaction to finding out that there is dog fighting ring in Riverdale is to track them down and beat them up. I do think Archie was really struggling this episode, he was trying to get help for Eric but it is obvious that he himself also needs help. I actually really related to Archie and Eric struggling to get help for their mental health because it is something I have gone through myself and it can be really frustrating and can make you feel kind of helpless and I actually think they did a good job of showing that, which considering its Riverdale I was pleasantly surprised by. We also learn some more about Archie’s time in the war when he tells Frank the story about Bingo. At first he tells us that Bingo was a stray dog that their unit adopted who got caught in no man’s land. It is actually a rather harrowing scene where you see Archie and Eric in the trenches and Eric is badly hurt and you can hear this dog yelping in the background. It’s even more harrowing when you learn that actually Bingo wasn’t a dog but one of the soldiers in their unit. I feel like Archie changed it to being a dog to deal with the trauma of it all but when Eric tells Frank the truth and he then asks Archie about it Archie really has to confront what actually happened and that loss and grief of losing his friend in such a brutal way. Its obvious that Archie also feels responsible because he was put in that awful position of having to choose between saving Eric or saving Bingo he feels like because of the choice he made Bingo died. Despite what Frank said about not being able to save everyone I think he thought he could save them both and its really eating him up that he ‘let’ Bingo die. I also think that’s why he is so focussed on saving the town because he thinks it’s a way of making amends for not being able to save his men. I do think it was really sweet that Frank and Eric organised the dog rehoming thing to help Archie get some of his hopeful spirit back and show him that there are still some good people out there. They also decide to name their new dog Bingo in honour of their friend which is also kind of sweet. But I do still think Archie has a long way to go in his recovery as by the end of the episode we see him have a nightmare and then a hallucination of bingo but he does at least admit to the therapist that calls him that whilst he was calling on behalf of his friend he too needs help. I mean I am glad that he is going to try to get some help but I am still worried for Archie given what happens in ep 14 which I’ll talk about more in the section for that episode. Also we got that little Barchie crumb of the light shining through his window, a lit window in the dark.
Betty and Tabitha
So Betty and Tabitha have been working together to try and find the truck killer and whilst trying to get information out of a trucker Glen pops up and we find out that he has been arresting the girls working the lonely highway. I mean there is a killer out there and these girls are their victims, they are struggling to make ends meet and have been forced into this kind of work and Glen instead of focussing on catching the killer is arresting them, yup I agree with Betty, girl should’ve stabbed him harder. We also learn that Betty apparently quit the FBI and did I miss that because I don’t remember her quitting? I remember Glen took over the case and moved it out of Riverdale but I don’t remember her quitting altogether. But anyway Glen then takes her badge and gun which I guess is fair if she has quit and isn’t an agent anymore but at least Betty is actually trying to catch the killer unlike Glen who is clearly not. Watch it turn out to be him that is the truck killer, go on Riverdale I dare you. Despite being warned off by Glen Betty and Tabitha are still determined to put a stop to the murders and so decide to hold a coyote ugly night. I actually thought this was a really clever way of getting information and creating a database. In order to get entry to the venue all truckers have to show their ID and give their licence registration. am a big supporter of characters acting smart so I did like that plan. Also I love the coyote ugly movie (don’t judge me) so extra win there. I also like that the plan did incorporate alot of the characters. One thing I have been enjoying this season is that they are mixing up who is interacting with who. You had Alice working the bar, the girls dancing to keep the truckers entertained whilst Reggie and Kev searched the vans. Though I do have a question when they find the blood in the back of the truck and Betty says her and Reggie and Kevin are with the FBI where did they get those FBI jackets from? Are they just easy to come by like part of a Halloween costume or something? There is another thing that I thought was funny and that was that Betty makes it clear that no one is to go off alone with a trucker and yet at the end of the episode she does exactly that and it just so happens to be the killer who comes at her with a chainsaw of all things which was a little ott in my opinion but this is Riverdale so I suppose what was I suspecting. But at least Betty manages to capture him and she does the sensible thing and turns him over to the proper authorities, or no wait what was I thinking of course she doesn’t this is Riverdale so she’s just going to question him herself. Come one you all know it wouldn’t be as entertaining if she just handed him over to the FBI.
Veronica and Reggie
I really liked the storyline of Veggie working together in season 3 so I was really happy to see them working together again and I really enjoyed their scenes. I just think they work really well as a team. They also come up with a really great idea for getting investors whilst also getting one up on old Hiram. Obviously Reggie knows alot about what is going on with Soldale and knows that houses will never be built there. So they phone Hiram’s investors and tell them this little rumour that Soldale is a bad investment and convinces them to invest with them instead. This was actually another smart move by the characters so again I support it. And anything that ruins Hiram’s day is a win to me.
Cheryl and Kevin
Kevin after a little encouragement from Cheryl after she finds him cruising again decides to talk it out with Fangs but unfortunately for him and the viewers we fins out that Kangs ahs moved on...with Moose? I mean I feel for Kev its also upsetting to find out your ex has moved on I imagine it is even worse when your ex has moved on with your other ex. Kevin then also has a bit of a inner crisis when he receives a teacher of the year award and realises that this is not at all where he was expecting his life to be. He had dreamed of being in new york, writing and directing instead he is still in Riverdale and he’s still cruising and unlucky in love. Cheryl’s solution to all of Kevin’s problems is to invite him to join her cult, sorry ministry. At first Kevin is reluctant and not really interested but is finally brought around with the temptation of a musical number. So yup Kevin has joined Cheryl as a believer. Now I am going to surprise myself here and say I am actually interested to see where they take this and where this story with Cheryl and Kevin goes because from the promo pics and what not it looks like they are going to be taking over as leaders of the ministry. I don’t think this is at all a healthy copying mechanism for either of them though and I hope they do get actual real help soonish.
5x14
This was a weird episode and was kind of told in the style of the night gallery show episodes where Cheryl invites Minerva over and shows her three paintings and then tells her the story behind each. So again I am going to split this part in the three storylines we get told.
Archie
The first one is a painting of Archie as a miner, the portrait itself hilariously did remind me of the cover of a bad romance novel but the story itself wasn’t too bad actually I think out of the three I found his the most interesting. It does give us some more information about the shows plot for this season, pardon about one of this seasons plots. Cheryl has finally discovered that their is palladium under her maple groves and has the genius idea of digging it up before Hiram does. Like seriously why didn’t anyone think of this earlier? I mean it also ties into that long forgotten plot from the beginning of the series that Cheryl is indebt after spending seven years renovating her home. I am assuming she wants the palladium to cover those debts. So naturally she hires Archie and his construction crew to mine it for her because everyone knows that construction and mining are basically the same thing right? Though I did think it was really funny when Cheryl pointed out that Archie so far has been teacher, coach, fireman and bounty hunter. At least the show is aware of its own ridiculousness. So Archie and the boys decide to mine for the Palladium but whilst down there Archie has more hallucinations about Bingo. We also see Archie in therapy and we find out that Eric is also getting help and this actually does seem to be helping Eric which is good. Whilst initially it looks like things are improving for Archie he then gets a really bad reaction when down in the mines and becomes very paranoid which results in him storming into the therapists office and behaving very erratically accusing her of drugging him and working against her which clearly frightens her. When everyone else in the mines also then starts hallucinating Frank realises that there is carbon monoxide down there and that is what is causing the visions and for everyone to start acting aggressively. Surprisingly this is actually an accurate representation of what can happen with high exposure to carbon monoxide and we do love us some accuracy. However it does lead to one of the most frustrating scenes in the episode when Archie goes back to the therapist and begs her not to cut him lose explaining about the carbon monoxide and about how he is now seeing not just Bingo but all the men he lost. The therapist tells Archie that she is afraid to be around him and that if he is having hallucinations to that level that she doesn’t think he is safe to be around anyone. Like what kind of therapist is this. This is not what a therapist would do. If she was afraid to be alone with him then refer him to another therapist and if you are worried he’s a danger to others than admit him to a psychiatric hospital where he can safely get help. This therapist just kind of washed her hands of it and said not my problem. But this has left me feeling really worried about Archie and I do feel like he might end up going really dark and spiralling.
I do think that the gas could actually be leaking into the town from the mines though. I was thinking about it when watching the episodes but alot of the characters are having hallucinations and visions of some kind and at first it seems like it is related to that characters trauma but now I am starting to wonder if it is actually because of the gas. It could also explain the Mothmen hallucinations too. Speaking of the Mothmen they got a mention in this episode that made me happy. When taking a lunch break Fangs tells the story about how some of the truckers used to be miners and they tell stories about humanoid cannibalistic creatures that lived underground. Why does this make me happy you may ask well because I have been predicted since the beginning of the season that at some point all the the storylines will converge and I am hoping that come the end of the season we will get a big team up with all the characters. Previously we have had Betty’s storyline with the highway killer being linked to Jughead’s storyline of the mothmen and now we’ve just had the link between Archie’s storyline and Betty and Jughead’s. Which means I am one step closer to my big team up.
Jughead
So Jughead’s storyline was my least favourite out the three. We have finally learned the truth, the big mystery of what happened to Jughead that caused him to lose three days of his life. He was in a hole. Yup that’s it he just fell in a hole, got rabies and then hallucinated a rat king. Underwhelming is the best way I can describe what I thought of that. There were so many great theories out there on what could have happened that caused Jughead to have this trauma so bad that he literally mentally blocked it out and what we got instead was just that he got upset that Betty, who he broke up with five years ago, didn’t come to his book launch so he got drunk and fell into the sewers. I kind of feel like with them bringing back the voicemail, with him saying betty was the one that lead him out of the dark, that they are kind of making it all Betty’s fault, like she is the reason for his trauma and all his problems and if she just pays him some attention it’ll all be magically fixed and almost like its her responsibility to save him and I am not sure I like that. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that your girlfriend cheating on you with your best friend wouldn’t do a number on you, but it is all about Betty when Archie betrayed him too. Like where is Jughead being cut up about the fact that Archie who was like a brother to him kissed his girlfriend? I don’t know maybe its just me but I am finding it a little one sided. I also think it shows how unhealthy his relationship with betty has become. I think if it gets to the point where you can’t function without a person then that’s not good and that’s not healthy and again maybe it is just me but I don’t see that as romantic which I am not sure if they are trying to play it off that way or not. I did feel really bad for Juggie though when he talks about how even though he disappeared into the dark for three days no one missed him and that he felt really alone. I do think maybe that’s more where his trauma comes from and I kind of wish the writers had developed that more rather than having it again be solely about Betty. Like if we had seen him reaching out to several people and inviting them to his book launch, like a text to his dad, a phone call to his sister or mum, reaching out to Archie or Veronica and then all of them making excuses about how they are busy and can’t come. Then have him invite betty and her say yes at first and you see him relieved because he has someone coming. Then have her cancel and him spiral. I just think it would have had a bigger impact. Instead, and maybe this is a bit harsh, but it came off as him just being some drunk who can’t get over his ex ad kind of like with Veronica I kind of feel like the writers are making the characters unlikeable. And to make it clear my problem here is with the writing not the actual characters themselves but to me they’ve at times made veronica seem unlikeable like when she sleeps with Chad, Jughead with the voicemail to Betty, Betty with her not seeming to care at all about Jughead, Archie with him sleeping with Betty and then after stopping that getting right with Veronica the next day. I don’t know if its just that they are trying to keep the core four separate for some reason? But it just seems a bit off, I know I said I wanted more varying interactions between the characters but I didn’t mean at the expense of the core four relationships. But maybe they are trying to show how it can take time to reconnect with old friends when you’ve been away from each other for a long time?
Anyway back to Jughead the other thing that was a little bit annoying for me was that the timeline was a little confusing. When Jughead is telling the story it seems like it all happened in like a year but its not its spread out over the seven years he was gone. We know that the voicemail was 2 years ago so putting it at five years into the time jump and that was the night he fell into the sinkhole. But in the story it seems like its only a few days later that Archie called when actually it would have been two years after Juggie fell in a deep dark hole. But then I suppose a confusing timeline is peak Riverdale so. But yeah I did find it made his story a bit confusing which was frustrating.
However Jughead does seem a bit more optimistic come the end of his story and I think hopefully things are going to start getting better for him I hope he does get some support from his friends though like Tabitha and Archie, I also hope he clears the air with Betty. Just so he isn’t feeling so isolated and alone.
Betty
So the last story is Betty trying to find out where Polly is from the trucker serial killer that she has chained up in her shop class at high school. Again not much to say about this. I thought it was smart to use Alice as a way to emotionally manipulate the killer and to make Polly seem human to him so he’ll tell them where she is. This does backfire however and we end up with that ridiculous scene where Alice tells Betty then as her mother she is giving her permission to kill him. Alice honey I’m not sure but my mum said it was ok is going to hold up too well in a court of law. Betty decided instead to see if she can scare him into telling her the truth. So she threatens him with some pretty dark stuff, saying she will cut off his feet, then his legs and the knees then the groin. Then his wrists and that he might have a heart attack at that point, but that she reckons he is stronger than that and that she has some tricks up her sleeve. Which is really dark betty really dark. Then when she is collecting a chainsaw she ahs a flashback and we find out that this is what TBK said to her which somehow makes it even scarier and worse, I really need Betty to talk to someone about this asap because just like I am with Archie, I am worried about where she is heading. We never find out whether she was actually going to go through with cutting up the trucker because when she gets back he has bitten off his own tongue and swallowed it so he would choke. Betty does figure out though that they are dealing with a family of killers who are hunting their victims.
Phew ok so that is all of the episodes that I missed. I know I complained alot in this review so apologies for that. To end on a positive note I am very excited for the next episode as we are going to be getting the pussycats back so I am hoping for a good episode.
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round up // NOVEMBER 20
Hi, I’m tired. Actually, my friend Celeste created a piece of art that puts the emphasis needed on that sentiment:
I’m very tired. November felt like it was three years and also felt like it went by in a blink and also I’m not sure where October ended and November began—how does time work like that? (I’ve yet to see Tenet, but maybe that will explain it.) But like Michael Scott, somehow I manage, and lately it’s been like this:
Late-night Etsy scrolling. Browsing beautiful, non-big-box-store artwork is very calming just before I go to bed. I’d recommend Etsy stores like Celeste’s chr paperie shop, which I know from experience is full of great Christmas gift ideas.
Taking a day off of work to do laundry. I’m not sure if it’s more #adulting that I did that or that I was excited to do that.
Eating Ghiradelli chocolate chips straight from the bag. I actually don’t recommend this as a healthy option, but this is also not a health blog.
Watching lots and lots of ‘80s movies. One day I’ll ask a therapist why this decade of films is so comforting for me despite its many flaws, but for now I’m just rolling with it.
Reading. Have you heard of this? It’s a form of entertainment but doesn’t require screens—wild!
Memes. All good Pippin “Fool of a” Took jokes are welcome here.
Leaning into the Christmas spirit by ordering that Starbucks peppermint mocha, making plans to watch everything in that TCM Christmas book I haven’t seen, and keeping the lights on my hot pink tinsel tree on all day as I work from home.
This month’s Round Up is full of stuff that made me smile and stuff that sucked me into its world—I think they’ll do the same for you, too.
November Crowd-Pleasers
Sister Act (1992)
If in four years you aren’t in an emotional state to watch election results roll in, I recommend watching Whoopi Goldberg pretend to be a nun for 100 minutes. (Though, incidentally, if you want to watch that clip edited to specifically depict how the results came in this year, you’ll need to watch Sister Act 2.) This musical-comedy is about as feel-good as it gets, meaning there’s no reason you should wait four more years to watch it. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10
Nevada Memes
Speaking of election results, Nevada memes. That’s it—that’s the tweet. Vulture has a round up of some of the best.
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SNL Round Up
Laugh and enjoy!
“Cinema Classics: The Birds” (4605 with John Mulaney)
“Uncle Ben” (4606 with Dave Chappelle)
RoboCop (1987)
I’m not surprised I liked RoboCop, but I am surprised at why I liked RoboCop. Not only is this a boss action blockbuster, it’s an investigation into consumerism and the commodification of the human body. It’s also a critique of institutions that treat crime like statistics instead of actions done by people that impact people. That said, it’s also movie about a guy who’s fused with a robot and melts another guy’s face off with toxic sludge, so there’s a reason I’m not listing this under the Critic section. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10
Double Feature – ‘80s Comedies: National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) + Major League (1989)
The ‘80s-palooza is in full swing! In Vacation (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), Chevy Chase just wants to spend time with his family on a vacation to Wally World, but wouldn’t you know it, Murphy’s Law kicks into gear as soon as the Griswold family shifts from out of Park. The brilliance of the movie is that every one of these terrible things is plausible, but the Griswolds create the biggest problems themselves. In Major League (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, and Wesley Snipes are Cleveland’s last hope for a winning baseball team. Like the Griswolds, mishaps and hijinks ensue in their attempt to prevent their greedy owner from moving the Indians to Miami, but the real win is this movie totally gets baseball fans. Like most ‘80s movies, not everything in this pair has aged well, but they brought some laughs when I needed them most.
This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens (2020)
They’re born a minute apart in the same hospital, but they don’t meet until their 30th birthday on New Year’s Day. So, yes, it’s a little bit Serendipity, and it’s a little bit sappy, but those are both marks in this book’s favor. This Time Next Year is a time-hopping rom-com with lots of almost-meet-cutes that will have you laughing, believing in romantic twists of fate, and finding hope for the new year.
Double Feature – ‘80s Angsty Teens: Teen Wolf (1985) + Uncle Buck (1989)
In the ‘80s, Hollywood finally understood the angsty teen, and this pair of comedies isn’t interested in the melodrama earlier movies like Rebel Without a Cause were depicting. (I’d recommend Rebel, but not if you want to look back on your teen years with any sense of humor.) In Teen Wolf (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5/10), Michael J. Fox discovers he’s a werewolf.one that looks more like the kid in Jumanji than any other portrayal of a werewolf you’ve seen. It’s a plot so ‘80s and so bizarre you won’t believe this movie was greenlit.
In Uncle Buck (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), John Candy is attempting to connect with the nieces and nephew he hasn’t seen in years, including one moody high schooler. (Plus, baby Gaby Hoffman and pre-Home Alone Macauley Culkin!) This is my second pick from one of my all-time fave filmmakers, John Hughes (along with National Lampoon’s Vacation, above), and it’s one more entry that balances heart and humor in a way only he could do. You can see where I rank this movie in Hughes’s pantheon on Letterboxd.
Lord of the Rings memes
This month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and I revisited The Lord of the Rings, a trilogy we love almost as much as we love Gilmore Girls. You can listen to our episode about the series on your fave podcast app, and you can laugh through hundreds of memes like I did for “research” on Twitter.
Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson (2019)
Most adults are afraid of children’s temper tantrums, but can you imagine how terrified you’d be if they caught on fire in their fits of rage? That’s the premise of this novel, which begins when an aimless twentysomething becomes the nanny of a Tennessee politician’s twins who burst into flames when they get emotional. The book is filled with laugh-out-loud moments but never leaves behind the human emotion you need to make a magical realistic story.
An Officer and a Gentlemen (1982)
Speaking of aimless twentysomethings and emotion, feel free to laugh, cry, and swoon through this melodrama in the ‘80s canon. Richard Gere meanders his way into the Navy when he has nowhere else to go, and he tries to survive basic training, work through his family issues, and figure out his future as he also falls in love with Debra Winger. So, yeah, it’s a schamltzier version of Top Gun, but it’s schmaltz at its finest. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10
November Critic Picks
Double Feature – ‘40s Amensia Romances: Random Harvest (1942) + The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)
Speaking of schmaltz at its finest, let me share a few more titles fitting that description. In Random Harvest (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Greer Garson falls in love with a veteran who can’t remember his life before he left for war. In The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Gene Tierney discovers a ghost played by a crotchety Rex Harrison in her new home. Mild spoiler: Both feature amnesiac plot developments, and while amnesia has become a cliché in the long history of romance films, Harvest is moving enough and Mr. Muir is charming enough that you won’t roll your eyes. You can see these and more romances complicated by forced forgetfulness in this Letterboxd round up.
The African Queen (1951)
It’s Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn directed by John Huston—I mean, I don’t feel like I need to explain why this is a winner. Bogart (in his Oscar-winning role) and Hepburn star in a two-hander script, dominating the screen time except for a select few scenes with supporting cast. The pair fight for survival while cruising on a small boat called The African Queen during World War I (in Africa, natch), and the two make this small story feel grand and epic. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10
Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)
A young man’s (Dennis Price) mother is disowned from their wealthy family because she marries for love. After her death, he seeks vengeance by killing all of the family members ahead of him in line to be the Duke D'Ascoyne. The twist? All of his victims are played by Sir Alec Guinness! Almost every character in this black comedy is a terrible person, so you won’t be too sorry to see them go—you can just enjoy the creative “accidents” he stages and stay in suspense on whether our “hero” gets his comeuppance. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10
Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife (1937)
What would you do if you found out you were to be someone’s eighth wife? Well, it’s probably not what Claudette Colbert does in this screwball comedy that reminds me a bit of Love Crazy. This isn’t the first time I’ve recommended Colbert, Gary Cooper, or Ernst Lubitsch films, so it’s no surprise these stars and this director can make magic together in this hilarious battle of the wills. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10
The Red Shoes (1948)
I love stories about the competition between your life and your art, and The Red Shoes makes that competition literal. Moira Shearer plays a ballerina who feels life is meaningless without dancing—then she falls in love. That’s an oversimplification of a rich character study and some of the most beautiful ballet on film, but I can’t do it justice in a short paragraph. Just watch (perhaps while you’re putting up your hot pink tinsel tree?) and soak in all the goodness. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10
The Third Man (1949)
Everybody loves to talk about Citizen Kane, and with the release of Mank on Netflix, it’s newsworthy again. But don’t miss this other ‘40s team up of Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles. Cotten is a writer digging for the truth of his friend’s (Welles) death in a mysterious car accident. Eyewitness accounts differ on what happened, and who was the third man at the scene only one witness remembers? 71 years later, this movie is still tense, and this actor pairing is still electric. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10
The Untouchables (1987)
At the end of October, we lost Sean Connery. I looked back on his career first by writing a remembrance for ZekeFilm and then by watching The Untouchables. (In a perfect world I would’ve reversed that order, but c’est la vie.) In my last selection from the ‘80s, Connery and Kevin Costner attempt to convict Robert De Niro’s Al Capone of anything that will stick and end his reign of crime in Chicago. Directed by Brian De Palma and set to an Ennio Morricone soundtrack, this film is both an exciting action flick and an artistic achievement that we literally discussed in one of my college film classes. Connery won his Oscar, and K. Cos is giving one of the best of his career, too. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9.5/10
Remember the Night (1940)
Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck in my favorite team up yet! Double Indemnity may be the bona fide classic in the canon, but this Christmas story—with MacMurray as a district attorney prosecuting shoplifter Stanwyck— is a charmer. I’ve added it to my list of must-watch Christmas movies—watch for some holiday cheer and rom-com feels. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10
Photo credits: chr paperie. Books my own. All others IMDb.com.
#The Untouchables#The Third Man#The African Queen#The Red Shoes#Kind Hearts and Coronets#Bluebeard's Eighth Wife#The Ghost and Mrs. Muir#Random Harvest#An Officer and a Gentlemen#Nothing to See Here#Kevin Wilson#This Time in Next Year#Sophie Cousens#The Lord of the Rings#Teen Wolf#Uncle Buck#National Lampoon's Vacation#Major League#SNL#Sister Act#RoboCop#Remember the Night#Round Up
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In Between
Hi, folks. I’m sorry I have nothing to offer as far as fic goes. Things have been... ::sigh:: You know, I don’t know what things have been. Not good, not bad. Just... things. I wanted to talk--get things out of my head--this morning, but I realized I don’t have a person/outlet who can accept these things right now. So, I will put them here for anyone who cares to read them.
1) My car blew up. Well, the engine did. I was on my way back home with groceries last Saturday, and I lost all ability to accelerate and brake. So, I puttered out on the side of the road and waited to be saved. The issue may be covered under the warranty so I had it taken to the dealership. They’ve had it for a week and still don’t have answers for me besides an offer to lend me a car for free until they can figure out what to do with my car.
2) This deserves it’s own point, though I almost included it on the first point. I’ve never bought a car without my grandmother. She was under five feet tall and had a tendency to wear sweat pants and Christmas sweaters year-round. She smoked Winston Lights and carried a purse covered in rhinestones. The car salesmen didn’t know what hit them because she wasn’t at all the sweet old lady who would roll over and accept their first offer. She was hard to read and she wouldn’t give an inch. She also wouldn’t tell them what she was willing to pay. No counter offers from her; she’d just tell you to “do better.” Anyway, she worked her magic when I bought all three of my cars. When I realized the problem with the engine was serious and might require me getting a new car, I went into a mental tailspin. Yeah, yeah, I was worried about fitting it into my budget and all that, but mostly I couldn’t seem to cope with buying a car on my own without my grandma there to hold my hand. I’m almost 39 years old and the thought of doing this without her had me sobbing in the floor. Except, I didn’t realize my tailspin was due to my grandmother at first. At first, I just thought I was incapable of handling stress. Maybe that’s still accurate.
3) While we’re talking about expensive-ass shit, I knew the air conditioner and furnace on this house needed to be replaced sooner rather than later when I bought it last February. It looks like the time has come. I managed to find a nice man with very odd hair (think a longer version of the Prince Valiant hair-do, but bright white) through my boyfriend’s dad. He does this for a living and said he’d give me a discount and do for $5,000 what other places were telling me would cost $9,000. So, that’s happening next week. I have the money, but the idea of writing a $5,000 check makes me want to puke. Ugh.
4) The days are running together. I’m working from home. I can’t complain, though. I’ve got it better than most. I’m alone all day. I have a library with a desk. I can go downstairs and make tea or lunch in my own kitchen. I’m getting paid my full salary with bonuses. I can pretty much make my own hours. The company I work for is taking the pandemic seriously and has told us that we can all work from home until we feel comfortable returning to the office. Their timeline for “normal” is months. I don’t think I’ll be back in the office until late summer, if that. Those who want to return are permitted to, but they can’t use the public areas (kitchen, conference rooms) and have to abide by some strict safety requirements. And they can choose when and how often they go into the office, working the remainder of the time at home. So, better than most.
5) I’ve been doing this social distancing thing since March 19th. It’s not difficult for me. On good days I’ll exercise (I have a Peloton) before logging into work around 9am. On not-good days (which seem to be more often than not), I’ll skip the exercise and just log into work early. Work keeps me busy and I spend a decent amount of my day on the phone with clients. I go to the grocery store once a week, but I order for pickup. Someone else does the shopping for me and loads it into my trunk. This is nothing new. I’ve been shopping that way for years. Now it’s just harder to get my usual pickup slot because everyone else has joined the party. I do miss taking a break from work and leaving my office to grab a coffee and sit outside on a bench downtown. I guess I could do that outside my own house, but it just doesn’t feel the same.
6) A few months ago, a husband and wife who are clients came in to meet with me at my office. They’re in their 80s and both were having trouble walking. They parked in the garage next door and couldn’t find the elevator to exit. I walked over and escorted them to our office building. They were both struggling with walking and the wife (Rose) had been fighting lung cancer for a couple years, so I suggested they wait outside and I’d valet their car once we were done. The thought of making the trek to their car alone was painful to me because it was a monumental struggle for them to walk down a hallway. Their daughter-in-law called me two days ago. Rose passed away two weeks ago. The husband, a former literature professor for a university, was in the hospital with four broken ribs because he’d fallen shortly after Rose’s passing. He was a Jewish child in Nazi Germany during the war. He’d told me stories about hiding from the Nazis, surviving off of tree bark and whatever he could find in the forests. He also jokingly told me that he’d live until he was 120. Now, it looks like he won’t survive the year. He and Rose would tease each other all the time, but you could see all that love between them. Whenever I’d call him, he’d ask me in that wonderful accent to wait while he got “the boss” on the phone as well. Rose thought it was silly that she was “the boss,” but she humored him. You know, they’re shorties, too. Five foot, nothing. Just like my grandma. Hearing that Rose was gone and Dr. (he’s a PhD) was likely soon to follow just broke my already fragile heart.
7) Fragile heart, huh? Yeah. After the car situation and the realization that one day I’m going to have to do big life things without having my grandma to help me, I was feeling pretty raw. But I’ve been trying to be responsible and do things I’ve been putting off lately. So, I gathered up all those medical bills from Ferguson’s illness last September. (Ferguson was my soulmate little chihuahua mix that I had for over 13 years.) I had pet insurance on him and hadn’t bothered to make the claim because I couldn’t handle it. But it’s been almost a year so I pulled out the invoices, which were over $2,000, and logged into the website and starting inputting the info to file the claims. The little box asks for a description of why I took him to the vet. And answering that question just brought back all that shit like a wave. I remember reading this nice description of grief and how it is like waves. At first they’re big and they knock you around and you can’t breathe. But over time they get smaller and you learn how to navigate them. Still there, but manageable. Filling in that box resulted in a bit of a tidal wave that knocked me on my ass. My boyfriend came home to find me sobbing at my desk like a lunatic.. He’s... not so good with emotional shit. And I usually keep it bottled up so that no one knows what’s going on inside me. But some days... Some days it just overflows. So, after confirming that nothing terrible had occurred and that I was reliving September 2019, he slowly backed out of the room to leave me with my grief-wave.
8) I want to be one of those succulent people. You know, the ones who have succulents lining their windowsills. The dining room and kitchen windows are full of this oddball little plants. The boyfriend hates it, but I told him he’d have to deal. I’ll die on this hill. I’m a succulent lady.
9) I’ve been reading memoirs or, rather, memoirs through collections of essays. I don’t know if it’s the mental state I’m in or if social distancing has got me subconsciously reaching out for life beyond my head, but I can’t seem to read much else. I loved Liz Phair’s Horror Stories. I’m reading The Book of Help by Megan Griswold right now. I’m determined to procure a signed copy of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker by Damon Young. He did a virtual event for a local bookseller recently and they have signed copies available for purchase. I just need to muster up the will to call them and ask them to hold one for me. The little snippets of their life and experiences via these memoirs through essays bring me some measure of comfort.
10) I tried to watch Euphoria on HBO. I managed to make it through the first episode, but I don’t think I can watch more. I can’t relate, but that normally isn’t a necessity for an enjoyable story. Maybe it’s just too depressing for me right now.
11) I binged Dollface on Hulu and wish I had more to watch. Parts of it hit me hard. I’ve always had trouble maintaining friendships, period. But maintaining friendships while in a relationship has been damn near impossible for me. Just like Jules. Except, I’m not nearly as cool or gorgeous as Kat Dennings. And I have no friends in this city to go back to. Just friends at work.
12) I haven’t worn makeup for 2 solid months. I’m starting to miss it. I found old selfies I’d taken in which I don’t recognize myself. Did I ever look like that? I must have since here is photographic evidence. I look like shit now. I’m forever in yoga pants and a hoodie with half-wet hair from the shower. Maybe putting on a pair of jeans and a cute shirt and some makeup will make me feel like a human being again. Maybe I’m not doing as well as I thought in quarantine. Huh.
13) I hope you all are well. If you’ve sent me a message, I’m so sorry for not responding. My mental state has been delicate lately and the silence from me has nothing to do with your kind words. I promise I read and treasure and appreciate anything that is sent to me. I’m also sorry for having no offering of fic or a promise of something to come. I haven’t written since last summer. It’s been almost a year. I guess I’m in a dry spell.
14) Since I’ve been struggling with loss/grief lately, I’ll leave you with a quote from Philip Pullman, taken from his novel The Amber Spyglass. It’s about death, I suppose. Or maybe just a transition to something else entirely. It’s nice to think of my grandma and Rose and my sweet, sweet love of a dog falling in the raindrops and riding on the wind through tall grass. If it wasn’t raining, I’d take my computer outside right now.
“Even if it means oblivion, friends, I'll welcome it, because it won't be nothing. We'll be alive again in a thousand blades of grass, and a million leaves; we'll be falling in the raindrops and blowing in the fresh breeze; we'll be glittering in the dew under the stars and the moon out there in the physical world, which is our true home and always was.”
#Anogete in real life#personal#coping with grief#Mental health where did you go#adulting#struggle bus
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J A M I L A please i must ask you supernatural asks and NO I WILL NOT limit myself to just one. Please can i ask you! 12. what is your most memorable episode (and obviously WHY) and 26. Best side Character. ALSO free question because i want to PLEASE JUST TELL ME SOMETHING(ANYTHING) YOU LOVE ABOUT SUPERNATURAL PLEASE THANK YOU
LE you’re so indulgent thank you ;__; (edit to say this is so long i am just... well. it was inevitable i suppose, ty for your patience lol)
12. what is your most memorable episode (and why!)
AAH this is hard because obviously there are so so many memorable episodes over 15 years!!!! but i think i‘d like to pull out the season 8 (or as i like to call it, season gr8) finale, Sacrifice. midway through season 8 my brother and i moved into our grandparents place while my parents were separating and i used to sleep in their spare room. they had this old tv in there that pre-dates flatscreens and i lowkey used to loveee watching it. anyway during that period i would use up all my grandparents’ bandwidth downloading new Spn episodes and destroy their internet until it reset at the end of the month LOL, but Spn was one of the few things that really kept me going at that point in time. i think God was like ‘jamila’s having a hard year, let’s make this one of Spn’s best seasons ever’ because truly i cannot explain to you how much i love that season. how much thinking about it pushes everything else out of my heart so i can feel the love for it as fully as possible. i have this extremely vivid memory of sitting on the single bed in that spare room watching the season 8 finale on that little fat tv, and feeling SO much, like feeling so many feelings about everything that was happening in the episode, and forgetting everything else in the world because that episode swallowed me whole, and i remember - i remember SO clearly - the last scene of that episode, when the angels started falling, and being completely awed, like jaw agape, heart pounding, just full of wonder, because that scene was so beautiful and shocking and like, just an unbelievable moment? i just REMEMBER how it felt to watch that episode more clearly than the watching any other moment in the show, it was so powerful to me. i think it was a combination of factors, like the intensity of life at that moment, the build up of this unbelievable season of a show that had carried me through 8 years (including this hard year), the fruition of a storyline focused on Sam, a character i’d loved so much for so long, and a really staggering episode.
26. best side character?
oh NOOOO howwww how how can i choose. i’m gonna pick 3 because I’M in control! and i’m going to pick these based on the value i believe they added to the show, and to Sam and Dean’s lives.
1. Bobby. It’s crazy to me that Bobby died literally halfway through the show (mid season 7) and yet he still feels like a core part of the show to me? Like it’s been 7 and a half years lol but i still feel like he’s a foundational block! I love Bobby SO much, for many reasons but most especially because he was really a dad to Sam and Dean. Like no disrespect to John (some disrespect) but he was their DAD. He took so much care of them, talked them down from so many ledges, showed them so much love (even if it was in his own gruff way!), and felt so much pride over who they grew up to be, like i truly think we owe Bobby for who they are. and he really acted as a home base to them for those first 7 seasons! Spn was always supposed to be a road show, 2 brothers driving across country, staying in bizarre hotels, no home base. But Bobby really WAS the home they could come back to anytime. And they needed that so badly.
2. Mary. How many times can i explain how AMAZING it was to have Mary become a fixture in the show 12 YEARS IN. Like!?!?!?! And the reason i think Mary is such an incredible side character is because for those first 11 years (and all the years pre the show) the memory of Mary shaped Sam and especially Dean in very specific ways. Like she was this phantom known mostly through Dean’s vague, 4yo memories, so insubstantial and so dream-like. And that image of her was so extremely formative for them. And then all of a sudden BAM here she is in the flesh! And she’s not that dream-like figure at all! She’s fully formed and complex and has a lot of issues and neither she nor Sam/Dean know what to do about each other, because they’re all adults! And watching them figure out how to be a family was the most INCREDIBLE thing, watching Mary figure out how to be a mother to 2 adults (missing the opportunity to be a mother to growing boys) and also not being sure she even wanted to be one?? watching Sam get to know a mother he had NO memories of, and knew only by proxy threw Dean’s infant memories, and watching Dean have to reluctantly scratch out that image he’d been carrying around for 35 years and let Mary be her own self, not the self he’d been projecting onto her all this time, was justttttt <333333
3. Jack. I can’t miss out on our collective son ;__; listen listen listen, this idea. to have Sam and Dean spent 12 seasons learning and unlearning all the traumas of their parents, to face every challenge imaginable, and then to round out their story by giving them the one extremely human challenge they’ve not yet faced (being parents) is so... unbelievably beautiful. like to give them this character, who was presumed to be the doom of all creation, and have them end up seeing him as a son, and loving him, and fearing losing him, and wanting to do anything - anything - to save him, to break whatever cosmic rule it took (exactly the same way they’d do anything to save EACH OTHER these past 12 years btw) is JUST!!!!!! IT IS JUST!!!!!!! THE MOST INCREDIBLE STORY!!!!!!!!!! AND the fact that all their doubts and fears about his ‘potential’ for darkness were mirrored within Jack himself, and for him to try to combat that fear by modelling himself after Sam and Dean as much as he could, because HE believed that THEY were his salvation, and if he followed in their footsteps he would only ever be good. LIKE THAT MAKES ME INSAAAAAAAAANE. AND THEN HE BECAME GOD. SAM AND DEAN RAISED GOD. HE DECIDED ON THE KIND OF GOD HE WANTED TO BE BASED ON EVERYTHING HE LEARNED FROM THEM. NEVER COULD THIS SHOW HAVE FOUND A BETTER WAY TO GO OUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYYYYY
oh my god i’ve been writing this post for over an hour because i have to keep stopping and feeling emotions lol
special le question: tell you something i love about the show!!
god okay!!!!! so many things to choose from!!!! let’s try not to be an emotional mess this time lol. something that i love about the show is the fact that it had the time to experiment. the gift of long-running scifi shows is that they have time to find their feet, and then they have time to find their voice, and finding their voice allows them to play. and playing is how you get some of the best moments in television. and my god, did Spn play. episodes like “Changing Channels” where Sam and Dean were sucked into satirical versions of other TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy and CSI Miami. or “Ghostfacers” which was a found footage episode from the pov of a group of awful paranormal investigators, and Sam and Dean were basically the side characters LOL! or “The French Mistake” where Sam and Dean were sucked into a universe where they were actually the actors PLAYING Sam and Dean SJKJKD or “Baby” when they had an entire episode from the CAR’S perspective, or when they’re in a black and white monster movie!!!! something i love about the show is that they had the time to play and they USED it! so well!!!! it’s been 15 years of wonderful stories, i am just so grateful for them all
#le thank you SO much and sry for how long this is ROFL#<333333#candybarrnerd#asks#literally not one person is here to see#me talk about spn so ty for indulging me LOL
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Buddie + 3? I'm living vicariously through you and several others with this ship ^^;
Valentine’s day at the firehouse always sucked, in Buck’s humble opinion. His last few had been miserable (the date with Abby was nice, the impromptu tracheotomy not so much). And now that Bobby was married, suddenly Buck was one of the last single people on their shift.
“Oh cheer up, Buck,” Hen teased as she caught sight of his moping face. “You’re not the only single person in the firehouse this year.”
She then sent a significant glance towards Eddie’s back and Buck didn’t know whether or not to be sad or comforted. He settled on sad, giving Hen the briefest acknowledgement, before returning to staring at the back of Eddie’s LAFD shirt bearing his name.
The thing was bothering Buck most, however, was that he knew Eddie wasn’t supposed to be single.
Eddie was supposed to be spending this Valentine’s day with Shannon. But that option had been taken from him in the most tragic way. Not only had Shannon asked for a divorce, but she’d been hit by a car. Eddie hadn’t even had a chance to make things right before Shannon was gone. It wasn’t fair.
Before Buck could spiral further into his own thoughts of tragedy, self-pity, and sadness -- both for himself and for his best friend slash unrequited love -- Eddie turned and offered Buck a beaming smile that sunk right into his heart.
“Hey Buck,” Eddie greeted, slapping Buck on the shoulder with a hand and giving it a gentle squeeze -- an act reminiscent of a day in the not too distant past where Eddie had broken through the final lock on Buck’s heart. “Have any plans for today?”
Buck shrugged. “Oh, you know, pizza and Star Trek. It’s really just another day when you’re single.”
“True that!” Chimney called from the balcony, and a there was a swell of chuckles that followed. When the echoes died out, as they finished bouncing around the spacious concrete structure, Eddie turned back to Buck with those hyperfocused eyes.
“There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.”
“So why don’t you come over and do pizza and Star Trek with me and Christopher? We can make it a boy’s night. I’ll even spring for beers.”
Buck’s heart lurched in his chest and then quickly shifted into fluttering almost painfully as a tiny bubble of hope rose up. He tried desperately to quash it and play off his agreement with nonchalance. “Oh, yeah, sure! That sounds great. I’ll bring the pies.”
Eddie gave that heartwarming half smile that sent Buck’s heart into a tizzy as he clapped Buck’s shoulder one last time. “Sounds great. See you at six?”
“Yeah,” Buck dry swallowed. “Six.”
As Eddie’s retreating back disappeared out of sight, Buck heard a faint clicking. He turned to his left and saw Chim and Hen with their arms crossed, Hen with her head bowed as she shook it back and forth, clicking her tongue.
“Boys,” she muttered with heavy exasperation.
Chimney nodded sagely at her side. “You said it.”
---
Buck pulled up to Eddie’s house at 6:03 PM after having showered and shaved (slightly), with piping hot pizza from Giovanni’s, the small local restaurant that was only ten minutes from Eddie’s place and was an immediate favorite of Christopher’s. There were two boxes -- one, a standard combination pizza for Eddie and Buck, and a smaller pepperoni and mushroom pizza for Christopher.
Knocking once for an air of politeness, Buck shouldered open the door with a practiced ease. “I’ve got pizza!” he called into the apartment. There was an immediate flurry of noise as Christopher came barreling down the hall as fast as his crutches would carry him before he collided hard with Buck’s midriff.
“Buck!” Christopher was chanting, hugging Buck tightly. “Buck! Buck! Buck!”
“Hey, buddy!” Buck slid the pizza boxes onto Eddie’s counters before reaching down to envelop his favorite kid in a tight, protective hug. One hand landed on the back of Christopher’s head the way it had when he’d pulled Christopher from the water all those months ago. All Buck wanted to do was wrap Christopher up in his arms and keep him safe forever, but experience had taught him that you couldn’t wrap up kids in bubble wrap.
“Buck! It’s boy’s night!” Christopher crowed happily before detaching himself from Buck and moving back into the living room. “Gonna watch Star Trek with us, Buck?”
“You know it!” Buck grinned, glancing up as Eddie entered from the hallway with a soft smile. Buck’s heart did a backflip. Eddie’s hair was damp, and so was the collar of his shirt -- he must have just gotten out of the shower. He looked so clean he was almost glowing (but Buck was almost positive that Eddie glowed even after a four-alarm fire with his hair sweat matted and his face smeared with soot).
“Thanks for coming Buck,” Eddie said softly as he went for the pizza, using the disposable plates Giovanni’s had provided. “Beer’s in the fridge. I’ll get the disk loaded up in the DVD player.”
Buck grabbed two beers and a bottle of IBC Root Beer for Christopher (Eddie’s way to help Christopher feel included when the adults had their ‘grown-up drinks’). He popped the tops and set them on the coasters spread across the coffee table. Christopher had plopped himself into a special ��movie theater’ seat that Eddie had bought off eBay. It had a cup holder and it reclined like the fancy new seats that were sweeping the nation, but it was miniature and just the right size for an eager seven-year old to use as he ate his pizza from the coffee table.
“So, what episodes are we watching?” Buck asked curiously from the couch where he had unceremoniously thrown himself, leaving just enough space for Eddie who shoved his legs out of the way before sitting.
“Wait, you actually meant the TV show?” Eddie asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “What happened to the Buck who didn’t care about anything that was made before you were born?”
Buck felt his face heat as he grew flustered. “Well, I just knew it was Christopher’s favorite show that he shared with you so I started watching it. I’m not very far -- I fall asleep a lot when it’s on. But I think I’m in Season 2?”
Eddie looked gobsmacked. It took a second but he shook his head, seeming to regain his composure. “We’re actually watching the 2009 movie with Chris Pine. Lots of explosions and action sequences. We thought it was more your style.”
“And sky-diving!” Chris piped up from the floor. “They go sky-diving!”
Both Eddie and Buck laughed, and Eddie took that moment to hit play on the menu screen before he settled in with his pizza, nestled just close enough to Buck to be absolutely maddening. Buck watched the film with moderate interest -- he’d seen it when it had first hit the theaters with his friends back in Pennsylvania but he hadn’t been super interested in the sci-fi genre at the time.
But now he wanted to watch and appreciate the film for what it stood for as a representation of his growing closeness with Eddie and Christopher.
It was just damn hard with Eddie’s leg burning a brand into his knee through the entire two and a half hour film.
Buck was so screwed.
---
After the film ended, Buck hung around on the couch as Eddie got Christopher ready for bed. He laughed as Christopher kept trying to convince his dad to let them watch at least one episode of the original Star Trek series before bed, but Eddie wasn’t swayed.
“It might be Valentine’s and you might have had too much candy at school, but it’s still a school night and that means bedtime is at 8:30. We’re already late on getting you into pajamas and teeth brushing!”
“But dad! Buck hasn’t seen Tribbles!”
“Tribbles can wait until the next boy’s night, okay?” Buck called down the hall, craning his neck around the corner to see Christopher, half in his pajamas and partially in the doorway of the bathroom where he was standing toe to toe with Eddie. At Buck’s words, however, Christopher gave in, allowing Eddie to usher him back into the bathroom with a grateful smile sent back down the hall to Buck.
After that it took no time at all to get Christopher tucked into bed with one final, “Good night, Buck,” followed by a warm hug and the soft sounds of Eddie telling his son one last story before the door to Christopher’s bedroom shut with a muted click.
Eddie’s feet dragged down the hallway with soft heavy padding noises before the frazzled father himself rounded the corner and he collapsed onto the couch, his head nearly in Buck’s lap. Eddie stared at the ceiling for a long moment and Buck took that moment to stare at Eddie.
“Thanks for coming over tonight Buck,” Eddie sighed, his eyes drifting shut for a few long moments. “We both really needed this.”
“Yeah,” Buck replied, desperately trying to keep his voice from cracking with all of the emotion behind it. He failed. “Anytime.”
Buck paused, then continued -- “And it’s not like I had anyone that wanted to spend Valentine’s day with me anyway.”
From his position on the couch, Eddie stiffened, his eyes still remaining shut -- though now with some apparent effort. After a few moments of deliberation, Eddie sat up turning to face Buck with a heavy expression.
“I wanted to spend Valentine’s day with you, Buck. That’s why I invited you.”
It was like a punch to the solar plexus and Buck reeled backwards. “But -- but I thought you only offered because my whole plan for the day sounded pathetic.”
Eddie’s hand was on his shoulder again, warm and solid and strong.
“I was the one who asked you what you were doing today, Buck. I wanted to invite you over. I just thought your plans would be fun with the three of us.”
Buck’s heart tripped and he felt short of breath. “Wait, so -- so it’s Valentine’s day, and you wanted -- you wanted -- but it’s not like -- I mean you’re not -- you haven’t been flirting with me or anything!” he sputtered, stumbling over his words.
Where Buck was flustered and buzzing, Eddie was calm and steady.
“Buck, I’m flirting with you. I have been since the day I met you.”
“But you -- Christopher -- I don’t -- wait --,” Buck’s breaths were coming in hard and heavy and he suddenly found himself with nearly a lap full of Eddie Diaz as Eddie’s hands cupped his face and the other man drew himself closer.
“Buck, Buck,” Eddie stressed, pointing Buck’s face towards his own, “look at me Buck. Deep breaths. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Or to break your trust, but I --”
Whatever apologies or retractions Eddie had set to spill from his lips were silenced as Buck leaned forward quickly and pressed his lips against Eddie’s. Buck didn’t want the apologies or retractions or the ‘We can pretend this never happened’. He wanted this. He wanted nights watching cheesy sci-fi remake films and eating pizza and hugging Christopher good night. He wanted Eddie Diaz pressed next to him from shoulder to ankle, warm and real. He wanted all of this -- but he’d just been too afraid to say so.
Buck pulled away from Eddie’s soft and incredibly willing lips with a soft smack, feeling Eddie’s exhale brush gently against his skin. Eddie’s thumbs brushed over his cheekbones softly and sent a thrill up Buck’s spine.
“I’ve been flirting with you too,” Buck said softly, through a smile that he thought might actually break his face.
Eddie grinned then, that same bright indulgent smile that seemed to be reserved only for Buck. He pecked Buck on the lips quickly before pulling away, their smiles making it difficult to do much more.
“You’re incredible, you know that right?”
Buck couldn’t help the smirk that creeped onto his face. “So I’ve been told.”
“Shut up.”
Eddie shouldered Buck hard, sending Buck rocking back away towards the other end of the couch -- laughing all the way. But it was worth it, seeing Eddie’s pink tinged cheeks as he rolled his eyes, taking one final swig from his beer.
Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley was in love with his best friend, and it turned out that when your best friend loved you back? Valentines Day didn’t suck as bad after all.
#buddie#buddie is real#911 fox#911 on fox#my writing#OMG I LOVED THIS ONE A LOT#it's definitely going on ao3#sorry it got out of hand???#rai-knightshade
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