#it sucks though it’s one of those paradoxical things where in order to do better you have to be able to drown out the fans’ noise better

[edge-oftheworld]

no this is so true and this fandom, at least part of it, is steeped in gen z urban conservatism: the kind we see here (no kink at pride, no threesomes allowed if you’re 19 in 2015 to sum it up), but also things like moral purity culture (don’t ever be seen to be around people who ever said or did something controversial or wrong). and we can’t stop them if they decide to market themselves in a ‘family friendly’ image and put themselves through this

but remembering their pop punk roots especially it still makes me sad. remembering how much they all love green day. and they’ve got so much personality and passion when it comes out and it’s not censored to be seen as appropriate and if there’s one thing we can do as a fandom is show that we support that. show younger members of the fandom that most censoring is done out of fear. but it doesn’t have to be necessary, so please don’t enforce it. we’re gonna be happier when we can all be ourselves and that goes for us and it goes for the artists we listen to as well and some of us have been coerced into masking it from a young age but we can show each other it’s safe to let that go and start healing. and we can carry that attitude to the way we treat our favourite musicians too who are also human and capable of having this problem and wanting to please people too.

maybe i’m an over-analytical freak, but the way 5sos have to constantly sanitize their sex jokes or language makes me fucking shrivel into myself. last night on ashton’s live, he was talking about how he couldn’t “say anything inappropriate” as if he isn’t a 29 year old man. and this is like a silly example, but they say things like this all the time. idk whose fault this is, whether it be the toxic twt fanbase constantly infantalizing them and making them relive their adolescence or if their management genuinely believes they’re more marketable as “family friendly,” but it is so fucking icky. they should be allowed to say and act like themselves on their livestreams. idk. like ??? they’re funny !!!

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 82-86

LIKE A BLOODY STORM

Atsuku LIKE A BLOODY STONE

So it’s come to this.   This is the “Black Onyx” arc and “Sorcerian Part 1″, where we finally get the payoff to the Major’s 55-year plot against Alucard.    Walter betrayed Integra, the Hellsing Organization, and the whole United Kingdom just so Millennium would give him a chance to beat Alucard, and he’s failing.   Alucard doesn’t see any point in dragging this out, so he’s sucking up all the fresh blood in London to power up and bring and end to this.   Also, if you’re just joining us, Alucard looks like a 14-year-old girl.    Just roll with it.

But the Major was counting on Alucard doing this, and apparently his plan to “poison the tyrant’s wine” involves his last henchman, Warrant Officer Schrodinger, cutting off his own head and adding his werewolf blood to Alucard’s meal.   Why would this matter at all?

Walter seems to understand, because he begs the Major to stop this, as if the Major could.

Desperate, he bisects Alucard with his wires, but it’s already too late for that.   Part of the secret behind Alucard’s invincibility is that he gains a 1-up for each person’s blood he consumes.   That’s what Anderson and Walter were banking on when they attacked Alucard before.   At the time, he had separated himself from the souls he had consumed, which meant that killing him once -- however tough that might be-- would finish him off.   But now it’s too late for that.  You kill him now and he’ll just come back and dare you to keep going.    And he’s taken the blood of like three million people at least.

So the Major observes that Walter’s window of opportunity has closed.   According to him, there’s only been two chances to beat Alucard in a fight since Abraham van Helsing captured him in 1898.   I assume he’s referring to Anderson and Walter’s respective efforts. 

No, Walter was never the final stroke in the Major’s plan, just part of the endgame.  All of Millennium’s resources were sacrificed to get to this moment.  Enrico Maxwell’s 9th Crusade?   The Major was counting on them getting involved, which is probably why he leaked and shared so much of his plans with the Vatican, even though his target was always London.   He wanted the Vatican to send all their best warriors to compound the horror, all so Alucard would use his full power to destroy them.

And then, once Alucard’s full power was deployed, the Major knew Anderson would step in and use everything at his disposal to kill Alucard.   This battle destroyed all of Alucard’s familiars, setting him up for Walter to take a turn.   And maybe Alucard could beat Walter without taking in more blood, but that;s never been Alucard’s style.   He sees himself as a loaded weapon at the disposal of Integra Hellsing.   He’s not going to drag things out for no reason, and Integra ordered him to destroy Walter, not humor him.

And maybe Walter was aware of all this, but he still believed he could buck the odds and kill Alucard before the Major’s winning move.  Walter’s a rook who fancied himself a king.   I guess that’s always been his problem.   This was never Walter’s story, and I guess he couldn’t handle that truth.  If he couldn’t be the hero, then he was content with being the villain, but in the end he was never more than a plot device, supporting whichever side he was on at the time.

And finally, it happens, whatever ‘it’ is.   Alucard somehow hears the Major saying that he’s lost.   Is the Major saying it?  I don’t think anyone else would be.  Whoever it is, he starts flashing back to all the other times he’s heard that.

Then he seems to realize something’s gone terribly wrong, and he pauses to notice the rising sun, which has been a common theme with all of his past defeats.   Then all these eyes appear on his body and begin winking out, one by one.  

Okay, so what the hell happened here?  Well, get comfortable, because this is going to take some time to unpack.

The key to all of this is Warrant Officer Schrodinger, a werewolf with the power to be “everywhere and nowhere”.   This sounds like he’s just a teleporter, like Nightcrawler from the X-Men, or.... Majik from the X-Men.    Well, it’s more complicated than that. 

Let me explain the “Schrödinger's cat” thought experiment, because that’s one of those things that’s widespread enough in pop culture that it’s easy to take for granted.  I think people understand it has to do with an imaginary cat being alive or dead, but that’s about all.   

The really short version of quantum mechanics is that subatomic particles don’t behave the same way as big objects like apples or planets or people.   It’s convenient to think of atoms as tiny little solar systems, with electrons orbiting the atomic nucleus.   But the reality is that electrons don’t revolve around elliptical orbits like the Earth around the Sun.   What happens instead is the electron zips around the nucleus all over the place, from all angles and directions.   What’s more, the electron can be at any particular spot at any moment.    So it’s less useful to think of an electron having an orbit around a nucleus.   What you have instead is this region where the electron is most likely to be at any particular moment.    And you can do the math and figure out what the shape of this region is.  You can’t locate the electron’s exact position at any particular moment, but you can consider the region where it’s most likely to be in an atom, which will resemble a sphere or a vaguely dumbbell kind of shape.  

This is what the Schrödinger Equation is for.   Erwin Schrödinger didn’t just talk about cats all day.   He postulated his equation in 1925 to work out the movements of electrons in atoms.   It was groundbreaking work, and he won a Nobel Prize for it in 1933, and don’t feel bad if you have trouble wrapping your head around all of this.   I’m a professional chemist and a lot of this is over my head. 

The point of the “Schrödinger's cat” concept was to help visualize how confusing quantum mechanics really is.   There are principles to subatomic particles that we know to be true, but they make no sense in our macroscale world.   For example, a particle might have a probability of being in multiple locations at a given moment.    It can only be in one place at a time, but until you actually perform the measurement to find out, it may as well be in all of those locations.    This is something called “superposition”, and I guess we could say that this idea is the basis for our wolfboy’s powers.

So Schrödinger (the scientist, not the furry) suggested a thought experiment where a macroscale event could depend upon a subatomic condition.   Like there’s some subatomic thing that could happen or not happen, and depending on the outcome, it would cause a poison to be dispensed that would kill a cat in a box.   If the particle goes one way, the cat dies, but if it goes the other way, the cat survives.    But both probabilities are equal, and supposedly both outcomes are true for the particle until you make the observation.    Therefore, you can’t know whether the cat lived or died until you open the box to look!   Indeed, according to quantum mechanics, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead until you open the box to see for yourself.  

How does that make any sense?   Well it doesn’t, and that’s the point Erwin Schrödinger was driving at.    In our large scale, things like gravity and being one place at a time are things we take for granted.  But on the quantum level, subatomic particles are governed by rules that seem completely paradoxical to us.    And yet, we’re not talking about some alternate reality here.   Those subatomic particles make up the atoms that make up us.  Cats, boxes, bottles of poison, they’re all just a huge pile of subatomic particles, each following these seemingly nonsensical rules.    They’re just organized in such a way that they give rise to bigger rules that make more sense to us.    Things like classical mechanics, chemical reactions, cats liking to be inside boxes, and so on.   As Erwin Schrödinger put it:

“It is typical of these cases that an indeterminacy originally restricted to the atomic domain becomes transformed into macroscopic indeterminacy, which can then be resolved by direct observation. That prevents us from so naïvely accepting as valid a "blurred model" for representing reality. In itself, it would not embody anything unclear or contradictory. There is a difference between a shaky or out-of-focus photograph and a snapshot of clouds and fog banks.”

In other words, we see the world as discrete outcomes.  We read the black letters on the page, and not the indeterminate spaces in between, or the hazy, unfinished thoughts of the writer.  That doesn’t mean the words on the page aren’t legitimate, or that the passing thoughts of the writer don’t exist.   We have to accept the seeming contradiction of it.   

So what does this have to do with Alucard?   Well, Schrödinger (the furry, not the scientist) has the ability to be like one of these subatomic particles.   Our were-boy probably can’t be literally everywhere, but he has this probability region of places where he can be, and it seems to cover at least half the world.   He’s appeared in Brazil, London, Zorin Blitz’s psychic visions, and so on.  He’s been shot twice in this story, but he just reappears like nothing happened to him at all.   It’s not like he teleported away in the nick of time, either.    We’ve seen his head burst open like a ripe melon.   Like Schrödinger’s cat in the thought experiment, he can be alive or dead at any given moment, so killing him doesn’t actually matter.  Warrant Officer Schrödinger can do all of this and he’s conscious of this ability.   So as long as he’s aware of himself, he can observe himself and direct himself to be in any location he so chooses. 

I would think getting shot in the face would interfere with this ability to control his power, but that’s probably where his werewolf nature comes in.   Like the Captain, he can grow back from a nasty headwound, so that gives him time to picture himself someplace else, and in better health.   Now that I think about it, that must have been a silver knife he used to cut his own head off.  

So when Alucard drank all that blood, he drank Schrödinger’s too, and just like when he drank Rip van Winkle’s blood and got the power to fire that magic musket, Alucard absorbed Schrödinger’s ability to be “everywhere and nowhere”.  Except that power only works when Schrödinger himself is conscious of it. And he’s not conscious of it anymore because he’s part of Alucard now.  Alucard might figure out how to control this power, but until he does, he can’t choose a location and be in that one place.   Instead, he’s “everywhere and nowhere” all the time.  So he’s experiencing all of his past moments simultaneously, with no control over his current position.  

That sounds bad, right?  Well it gets worse.   He drank all those other dead people’s blood too, so on top of his own perception, he has the perceptions of all 3 million plus of the souls he’s consumed.   So that just further complicates matters.   The bottom line is that Schrödinger’s ability is fundamentally incompatible with Alucard’s existence as a composite being made up of multiple absorbed lives. 

And since Alucard can’t just cough up Schrödinger’s blood, it’s too late now.   He’s got Schrödinger’s ability and he’s stuck with it, but he can’t control it, which means he just winks out of existence.   As the Major puts it, he’s now neither live nor dead nor undead.   He’s become like a series of imaginary numbers.  You’ll need to look that one up on your own time, folks, I spent enough time talking about quantum mechanics.

And you have to hand it to Kouta Hirano, this is a really clever way to bring down an overpowered seinen manga protagonist.  This whole time, all of these lower villains acted like they could just beat down Alucard if they applied enough brute force, but that was never going to get the job done.   For the purposes of this story, Alucard has been, almost by definition, unbeatable.   So the Major’s solution was to give him a new power, one that he would be unable to control.   It wouldn’t kill him, but killing Alucard seems like a fool’s errand anyway.  Instead, it just... makes Alucard go away, which is probably as close to destroying him as anyone could ever hope for.   He might still be alive in some semantic sense, but he can’t carry out his duties to Hellsing and the Crown, so the Major seems to have at least brought down what Alucard is expected to be. 

And there’s no way to stop it, because it’s already happened.  Integra commands him to stay, but it’s useless.  I like the way he signs off in the dub of the OVA, where he apologizes to Integra and says this is one order he cannot obey.  It’s just out of his hands.  

Then he vanishes, and all that’s left of Alucard is a bloody mark on the street, shaped like the Hellsing insignia on his gloves.   

Wait, so does this affect Seras too, since she was Alucard’s servant vampire?  Remember, way back in Chapter 1, Integra said that killing the head vampire would automatically kill any ghouls or vampires he creates.   So maybe Seras is gone too?

Hell naw.    Seras joins Integra in the Major’s command center, and she looks like she’s ready for some revenge.  Does she know what’s just happened?  I mean, she was furious at the Major to begin with, but she sensed Alucard’s return a while back when he floated up the Thames River.  Surely she sensed her own vampire dad winking out of existence.

Meanwhile, Walter had a front-row seat for Alucard’s disappearance.   At first he laughs with triumph.   I guess he must be giddy with relief, since he wanted to kill Alucard, and for a minute there it looked like Alucard had him dead to rights.   Imagine a guy’s about to murder you and then he just ceases to exist.   But it doesn’t take long for Walter to realize how hollow this all is.  He wanted to kill Alucard himself, and he bet everything just to get that one opportunity, and now he’s failed and he’ll never get another chance.   His body is giving out and he’s betrayed everyone who ever cared about him and he’s got nothing to show for it.   

Then Heinkel starts shooting at him with a sniper rifle.  Yeah, she never left the battlefield after Walter killed Yumiko.   The Captain stopped her from interfering before, but the Captain’s dead now and I guess she figures she’s got nothing to lose by trying again.   And I suppose the sniper act proves she’s learned from Yumiko’s fatal mistake.   Attacking Walter up close is dangerous.   

At first, Walter seems to invite this.   He even invites Heinkel to shoot him a few more times, as it’s a fitting punishment for a traitor.   If you’ve only seen the TFS Abridged version of Hellsing, they actually use this as Walter’s death scene, but in the original version Walter takes a few bullets and then leaves.  He says Heinkel can shoot him, but she doesn’t get to kill him.   I don’t think she even heard him say that, but whatever.

Instead, he uses his wires to board the Major’s airship one last time.

So remember how the Major was protected from Integra by a reinforced glass barrier?   Yeah, well Seras finds an 88mm cannon and shoots through it.   It also shoots through the hull of his ship and rings a large bell on the outskirts of town.   Right before she shoots, Integra orders Seras to “Search and Destroy” just like she always told Alucard.    It’s kind of sad, but Seras has automatically succeeded her master as Integra’s weapon.  I mean, it’s a triumph for Seras, but it comes at a heavy price for her.   She’s probably too enraged by what’s happened to appreciate this moment on all these other levels, but there’ll be time for that.

So there’s no way the Major could survive a cannon like that at pointblank range, right?   Wrong, the dude’s a fucking cyborg, and I guess Seras’ aim was a little off.   I suppose the downside to using big-ass guns is that you have trouble aiming at small targets.   Wait, no, what happened to all that “third eye” stuff from before?   What’s wrong with you, Victoria?  

Oh wait, she missed because she’s sad.    Aw... :`(

So we knew the Major had to be something to have survived this long without aging, but we had already learned he wasn’t a vampire.   He insists that he is still human, however, no different from a man with a pacemaker or an artificial limb.   His mind remains his own, even if it should be a brain in a life support system or backed up on a computer.   I’m not sure if either of these describes the status of the Major’s brain, but to his point, it doesn’t really matter.  He describes himself as Alucard’s polar opposite.  While Al is this beautiful monster who masquerades as a human, the Major is a human who resembles the grotesque form of a monster.   I’m not body-shaming the dude, I’m just reporting what he’s saying.  He’s taken a few fat jokes in stride, and I guess he’s got the same attitude about his cyborg body too.  He doesn’t seem to care if others find this unpleasant, because it’s better than being a vampire with a diluted self.

Arguably, this whole campaign to destroy Alucard was the Major’s effort to prove his claim on being human.   Alucard often said that only a human could defeat a monster like him, and the Major beat him, so doesn’t that prove he’s a human in the end?  

So Integra whips out her other gun, the one she didn’t use to shoot at the Major’s glass case, and they start shooting each other at pointblank range.   The Major’s a terrible shot, though, and yet somehow he manages to take out one of Integra’s eyes before she puts a bullet in his forehead.   I still don’t understand how you can shoot someone in the eye and not kill them.   Did the bullet just angle away from her brain or is the Major’s gun just really weak on stopping power?  

Anyway, Integra’s shot kills the Major, but not right away, so I guess it’s not just his original brain in there.   He’s just thrilled to have finally hit something after a lifetime of terrible marksmanship.    It’s a fitting reflection of his win over Alucard, because he and the rest of Millennium were warriors who had never won a war before.   In the end, I’m not sure the Major would have been disappointed if his plan had failed.   He’d never won before, so I don’t think another defeat would have bothered him much.    As it is, he dies contentedly, satisfied with his “good war”.   What a shithead.

So yeah, we’ve got three more chapters to go and then we’re done.   See you next time.

[zhuhongs]

Since rewatching the guardian drama after reading the novel has made me mad about how bad and good both of them are I am Obligated to write out a list of what I think the perfect merger btw both versions of canon are. This will be in list format otherwise I’ll end up writing like 6k words again. 

TLDR: the genre stays as supernatural from the novel and not Sci fi, bc that was rlly not fleshed out well. Shen Wei is a ghost king, and all the dixingren are ghosts or demons like originally intended. The ghost race naturally exists and wasn't born from kunluns shoulder fire or anything. They just exist separate from humans. Not all ghosts are former humans, some people are just born as ghosts, like Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan has the guardian whip and all the cool stuff that comes with the Guardian order.  Overall, i’d keep the novel’s plot and relationship progression and ending without the backstory. Instead the backstory is a merger of both canons. From the drama I’d keep the characterization and themes as well as like half the extra cases and omit the other half. 

I’ll be elaborating much further on my ideal backstory and other stuff under the cut bc the rest is 1.5k and I don’t wanna clog the dash 

Okay SO In my ideal backstory there are two timelines just like the drama but the mythology of the book. The god Kunlun is actually zyl that went back in time and became a god. But the one that went back isn’t the current Zhao Yunlan. There has to be an original timeline where the god Kunlun never existed. Thus the great seal nor the separation of the three realms don’t exist either. Zhao Yunlan must go back in time to become a god, meet Shen Wei in the past, and create the current timeline where the separation exists but isn’t perfect. The current timeline is the one that the majority of the series takes place in.

In the original timeline, Zhao Yunlan is just some dude living in a world where ghosts, fairies, and all other beings just live in a giant free for all and it's kinda just a mess. 

Like there’s government in modern context and all and all races live with each other but there's constant tension. ZYL works at some equivalent of the SID (same staff and side characters, but novel vers. Lin Jing is a monk, CSZ a zombie, etc) to protect people and all that and their job is rather hard. One day encounters the thousands year old ghost king Wei (who isnt shen wei yet bc zyl gave him that name in the future) who works alone as like a rouge cultivator of sorts. He lives on the surface undercover as a professor still bc he’s trying to not catch Yezun’s attention but does all the stuff he normally does as Heipaoshi. The two ally together for a case and bc they both have the same goals of getting all races to live in peace. At current, there are forces working together to decimate the human race, all lead by Yezun

As they work together they become closer and all that. Shen Wei tells him about how he was unable to prevent the great war 5 thousand years ago and neither could the gods so  he’s spent the past 5 thousand years trying to make up for it. As they search for ways to stop Yezun, they gather the 4 hallows and learn how to use them to manipulate time so ZYL can go into the past and stop the great war and separate the three realms (living, dead, ghost).  Shen Wei wants to go back with him but he can’t because he was alive all those years ago so if he goes back it will create a paradox. ZYL promises he’ll find Shen Wei in the past and create a timeline where they could be together in peace (that is the current timeline)

When goes back he becomes the god kunlun because there needed to be a new god born at the time to prevent the war.  Also this time traveller looked promising to Nuwa, Fuxi, and Shennong. And I know in the guardian universe gods are usually born and ppl don’t become gods. EXCEPT this can happen when a god passes on smth from their body onto them bc that did happen in the novel with Kunlun making shen wei a demigod. And since fu you and ma gui are supposed to be gods Nu Wa and Fuxi I think that when they die, they should make ZYL a god and that's how this stuff happens.

So like ZYL explains to the gods the time he came from and how he wants to save everything and they make him a god and he works to save everything just like he did in the drama but this time with the novel plotline. During this time he meets young Shen Wei (he’s still like a hundred or so years old) and they get close and all the stuff from the backstory happens. He gives him his name, all that good stuff. The entire time doesn’t let him know that he’s from the future or that his real name is ZYL. He just poses as kunlun. 

The two of them alongside the other gods (who still die at the times they do in the novel) work together to end the war and establish the great seal and set up the cycle of reincarnation, per the current timeline. Although the seal and cycle of reincarnation aren’t perfect. Gods can’t reincarnate, and ghosts still don’t have souls. And just like the novel, doing all of this kills ZYL bc it takes a lot of energy to create the seal even though it isn’t perfect.

Shen Wei of course doesn’t want ZYL to die and zyl says it's alright because he fixed the timeline so there must One day they will meet again and ZYL reveals the truth about the timeline to shen wei before he dies. This becomes the promise that Shen Wei mentions to meet again. Before he dies, ZYL gives him the shoulder fire as a memento ( i still like the candy wrapper necklace deal but i’ll take this too. Maybe both.. The pendant is still just rlly cool.. Gay ppl)

Shen Wei knows gods can’t enter the cycle of reincarnation and still makes the deal with Shennong to strip Kunlun of his godhood and let him reincarnate. This sets us into the novel timeline where isn’t allowed to meet any of zyl’s reincarnations before he becomes zyl otherwise he will die and also fuck up the timeline. The same 5 thousand years of pining still ensue bc Gay Ppl and i love making Shen Wei suffer but he doesn’t have the shrine room thing bc i think thats weird and yea.. Bad. 

In the meantime Shen Wei does a lot of things mostly just protecting the great seal and working for Hell to keep the peace but still does other stuff. He still watches out for ZYL’s reincarnations but doesn’t do much besides make sure they don’t die a premature death. They meet again finally at the beginning of the series and the timeline resumes like canon. And that's my master plan that merges both drama logic and novel logic while making a much better timeline. (I hope that makes some sense)

Da Qing is still Kunlun’s pet cat and important. Novel backstory applies to him. And I already mentioned him kinda but as for Yezun (Gui Mian in the novel) his deal is similar as in the drama but just a ghost. And he is a big player in the great war, he thought Shen Wei abandoned him as a kid but they were just separated. Shen Wei doesn’t know it's him till the end of the war and couldn’t stop him in the OG timeline and vows to bring him to justice and make amends. Shen Wei continuously tries to explain things to him but he just won’t listen and is imprisoned in hell bc yk… war criminal stuff and yeah he’s the main antagonist trying to break the great seal bc he’s still made about the past. Idk. Yezun wasn’t well written in the novel OR the drama so like… honestly he just needs to be completely rewritten and I don’t care enough about that. He can just be a weak villain idk

the drama characterization stays the same for everyone else bc found family go brr. However for Lao Chu i… hmm… i think he should still be a zombie but the reason he killed someone should be related to his brother. I like that addition and then shen wei realized his sentence was unjust and exempted him. i like that storyline merger. bc the brother thing and him admiring Heipaoshi was drama only. in the novel lao chu just murdered some kid for a rlly whatever reason.

uhhh in terms of the cases… id make adjustments to most of them. i think the li qian case should be like the drama bc the novel just had her as a murderer and it was boring. 

For the mountain river awl one was fine… novel version was funnier and more interesting action wise tbh… rip zyl and his exorbitant flirting. uhhh the whole reveal that shen wei was the soul reaper thing was kinda… ehh in the novel but i did love the comedy of afterwards Shen Wei pretending he went into cardiac arrest when he actually just… has no pulse bc he's a ghost. 

ID KEEP THE WORTH IT SCENE AND RAIN SCENE… THOSE FUCK SO HARD… I love the drama for adding those every damn day. the novel version of zyl losing his sight sucked and was sooo boring.  Keep the drama version on that.

also id keep dr. cheng. i'm very pro dr. cheng and her friendship with shen wei it adds so much to his character imo. keep the fruit seller man and his wife for the merit brush..omg it adds SO MUCH the way the drama did it.. like the drams build up with the novels pace of that arc.. mwah. it felt like it dragged a bit in the drama but if it went faster and without the hospital ep and with sha ya (sorry sha ya) that would've been so good. tho keep novel version of da qings memory loss and lao li. that was rlly impactful.

id say keep some of the cases like the mirror one, the eyes doctor one, etc. just to like.. yk have more to fill in general.. novel pacing but drama characterization without the bs that wasn't fully realized. and novel ending ofc. And that’s it!!

I hope most of this makes some amount of sense  but it probably doesn’t. In my head it all tracks but like ik most of u don’t know anything about the novel so this sounds like gibberish. Also I know this would literally never happen but this is MY ideal merger of the two canons that I feel compelled to expand on for some reason. Anyways, as io said,, we need to rebuild guardian. Like literally let me and the mutuals write Guardian and it will be 500 times better.

[dessarious]

Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt80

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

AO3   Beginning   Previous   Next

Robin watched everything unfold with a smirk on his face. Superman had been getting worse and worse over the years, believing he was the only one that knew right and wrong. That he was the only one capable of making decisions. Robin had never understood why the rest of them put up with it, especially when they all complained anytime Superman wasn’t there. Well except for Green Lantern. That idiot was the biggest suck up he’d ever seen. Watching Tikki take the Man of Steel down a peg or two was far more gratifying that it should have been.

He did wonder how much of this was for show though. The Kwami were unpredictable at best but he didn’t think Tikki would just create four more people Marinette would have to be responsible for. She was already struggling with having to find a place for herself to live and even knowing she had contracts and money coming her way she was not currently in the best position to buy a place large enough to house this many people. That wasn’t counting food and other ongoing costs. Then again, he’d never really had the impression that any of the Kwami besides Kaalki paid attention to things like money so it was entirely possible Tikki didn’t even realize the burden she’d be placing on Mari.

“I won’t allow you to just unleash these creatures on the world.” Robin could only roll his eyes at Superman’s insistence that he had any say over this situation. Though at least he’d said ‘I’ so the rest of the Justice League could just leave him to his own stupidity. Robin actually took a step back when Tikki’s eyes flashed red.

“You won’t allow it?” The Kwami’s voice was low and dangerous. Almost everyone shuddered at the sound. “I know you’re used to being the most powerful being in the room but we are Gods. Discorde has already proven just how ineffective you and your super powers are. Do not make the mistake of assuming you have any control over us or this situation. My Chosen has given you the courtesy of keeping you informed, do not mistake that for weakness or an invitation to interfere in our affairs.”

Robin would admit he’d never thought much of Superman’s intelligence. When you can literally overpower anyone you don’t necessarily think too hard on how to do it. The Kwami may well have the same limitation overall, but Tikki at least knew her holder wasn’t invulnerable. Marinette had always been forced to out think opponents and he had a feeling a lot of Tikki’s holders had been similar. As such the Kwami knew not to rely on brute force alone. Superman still hadn’t learned that lesson. When he moved it was without warning and straight at Tikki. Robin only had enough time to shake his head at the hubris before everything went to hell.

The Kwami of Anarchy and Darkness stepped forward while Tikki just had a satisfied smile on their face. Tikki and Jett both gestured at the same time and suddenly Superman was in a cage and two black masses attached themselves to his eyes. He stumbled around inside the enclosure trying and failing to break through it before attempting to wipe the darkness from his eyes. Everyone else watched, most with shock and fear, but Wonder Woman just looked resigned at this point. Lyccen stepped up to the cage.

“Did you know the body is simply a system? To be more accurate it’s many systems that work together in perfect harmony. Digg has always been so proud of how orderly and efficiently everything functions. I’ll admit it is quite remarkable. Unfortunately there is one rather large flaw. Introduce one foriegn body that a system can’t handle, or have one of those many systems fail and the entire body has a tendency to collapse into complete chaos. Take the brain for example. All I have to do is disrupt one connection and you lose the ability to move.” Robin watched the Kwami point to the hero's neck and Superman dropped to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

“You can’t do this to me! All this does is prove my point that you’re all too dangerous to be left in the hands of children.” Most of the Kwami let out sounds close to growls, and Robin heard Discorde let out a hiss as well, but Lyccen simply gave a thoughtful hum.

“You think so do you? Correct me if I’m wrong but you were the one to attack Tikki unprovoked. You are the one that’s been convincing the rest of this organization to try and meddle in things they otherwise wouldn’t. You’re the one lobbing threats and tantrums in every direction. How exactly are we the problem in this situation? I think you should just admit you feel inadequate since we can destroy you with barely a thought and move on. It will make things easier for everyone.” Superman sputtered out denials and curses, most less than coherent. “Well then, I suppose I could see what I can do to your other systems. Did you know it only takes one tiny change to make your blood see the rest of your body as an enemy that needs to be destroyed? Do you want to know what it feels like to be eaten away from the inside out?”

Everyone looked decidedly uncomfortable but no one spoke up. Whether from fear or something else Robin couldn’t be certain. He was busy studying Lyccen. They didn’t appear to be enjoying this. Honestly all the Kwami looked like this entire situation was just a bother that they couldn’t avoid.

“How dare you threaten me! Reverse this at once.” Lyccen crouched down to frown at the hero in confusion. Robin had to wonder how screwed up Superman’s thought process was that the Kwami of Anarchy couldn't seem to grasp it.

“So sorry, but that’s not my thing. I disrupt order but I can’t restore it. Digg could but given the way you’ve been treating our fellow Kwami I very much doubt you can convince him to help you, isn’t that right?” Digg just grunted from where he stood, hovering protectively around Tikki. “Perhaps if you apologize and promise to leave the Guardian alone we can come to some sort of agreement.”

“That’s coercion, I won’t stand for being manipulated and neither will the rest of the Justice League.” Robin looked around and almost laughed. At this point even Green Lantern seemed to see that this was a lost cause. No one spoke up.

“Hmm, well I guess I can’t help you then. Once Digg’s made up their mind they rarely change it. Guess you’re stuck as you are.” Lyccen didn’t sound smug or happy, they were just stating a fact.

“That’s enough. You can’t reason with someone who won’t be reasoned with but that’s no excuse to descend to their level. Release him and return him to his original state. Now.” Mari’s voice was clear and confident, but Robin could see the way her grip tightened on Discorde and Viperion. He wasn’t sure if she was worried they would ignore her or just wouldn’t be able to do as she said.

“Yes Guardian, we hear and obey.” All five Kwami spoke in sync and suddenly Superman was back in his seat looking extremely confused while almost everyone in the room gaped at the display. Marinette’s look was oddly blank and he had a feeling she hadn’t actually expected that to work.

“Your concerns are noted if unnecessary. If it will make you feel better I will allow Batman and Wonder Woman to check in with me as I see fit to monitor the situation. You have no authority over the Miraculous, nor will you ever, but I’m not so petty as to deny you the reassurance you so obviously need.” Marinette’s voice was just the proper blend of firm, concerned, and innocent that no one could really take offense to it. It took all his self discipline to keep a straight face as Superman just stared at her, looking hopelessly lost and confused.

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[confusedgoldenflower]

There is No Glorious Purpose Chap. 2

Hello, you beautiful Tesseract-loving bastards!

I've been meaning for a long time to update but I've been having a really bad time with the whole motivation thing, and what I had first thought of doing with this fic got thrown in a wood-chipper and sunk with the Titanic... so, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and decide where I want to go with this. I also wanted to do it episodically: Chapter One aligned with Episode One and so on. That has not worked partly due to the issues of the above so, well, I guess we'll find out together!

So sorry for any grammar issues, I did my best to look it over but got too sick of staring at it over and over again in my drafts.

Small Thor cameo!

Chapter Two: You Oafs

“Yeah, well, you’re a mischievous scamp--or at least, the other you is. Been killing our minutemen and stealing our reset charges. Been happening for quite a long time….” Mobius whistled lowly. Loki nodded slowly.

“If you know me or us as well as you say, what need have you of my help?”

“Like I said, mischievous scamp. And I know what makes a Loki tick, sure, but even Sherlock needed Watson sometimes--you do know about them, right? Really fun stories with a super smart detective and his below average side-kick--.”

Loki ignored the rambling, “I agree.” Perhaps then… after… peace? “Just tell me, please… is it true that I directly led to my mother’s death?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, definitely. Thor was pissed and then he dragged you along to Svart--Svartle… anyway, the planet of the Dark Elves with Jane because she absorbed the Aether. Then you faked your death, again . There’s that ‘doing a horrible thing then getting away,’ again. But Thor totally gets you back on Sakaar with those Obedience Disks. Yeah, yeah… oh, right, you don’t know--and won’t. He slaps one of ‘em on you when you betray him again, then dials it up all the way while he returns to Asguard. For a god, you get put down a lot .” Mobius chuckled.

Loki sucked in a shuddering breath, reverently laid the Tesseract down and stood, “let us catch this scoundrel then.” He faked a smile for the agent.

“Ok,” Mobius clapped and rubbed his hands together, “what a therapy session!”

Loki had a fleeting thought of, “he must be some Midguardian fool, possibly in some relation to Thor,” before he remembered that the all powerful Time Keepers had created the oaf in front of him.

“Ya know, for the record, maybe ‘undying fidelity,’ wasn’t the right thing to say to Thanos. Just saying. But this is good! We’re gonna be a great team.”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

“Loki,” the orange clock whined on his ‘gifted’ desk. Though still somewhat transparent, Miss Minutes was a fairly good illusion.

“Yes?” He replied pleasantly, blue hand turning the page of a magazine. His slack-clad legs were propped on the desk, fine business shoes not too far from where she stood on a rather large book. The suit replacement of the prison wear wasn’t bad, he, of course, would have done better had he access to his seidr. But it was fine for the time being.

“Are you paying attention?” The angry little clock motioned to the old Midguardian computer screen which read in that same horrible orange color:

LET’S SEE WHAT YA KNOW!

Q2. Thanos has two apples. He eats both but realizes he wants more. He goes back in time 20 minutes and eats the apples again. Does this mean the apples will not have existed in the timeline he left?

No, because time is constantly happening

The question doesn’t matter because a branch cannot change another time branch

Thanos would’ve been hungry prior because the Grandfather paradox already accounted for the change in matter before it’s move.

TVA FILE EDIT VIEW MODE HELP

Of course he was paying attention, and of course he chose not to amuse them! One order after another; feeding off of each other even. He may have bowed to Thanos but he had never kneeled. Not truly. And he clung to that remaining dignity.

“Naturally,” he returned pleasantly. She sighed.

“What happens when a nexus event branches past red line?”

“Ragnarok.”

“Come on, Loki. What is it?... Loki!”

“It is when the TVA can no longer reset a nexus event. Are you satisfied?’

“Right. And that would lead to the destruction of the timeline and the collapse of reality as we know it.” He lowered the magazine lower into his lap and took his feet off the desk.

“Yes, indeed. Are you alive or a recording? Clearly, you can hear me.”

Her big cartoonish eyes moved around, “uh… sorta both?”

“So not an illusion or projection?” He swiped at her with the rolled up magazine.

“Ah!” A small smirk ghosted his face and he went after her again.

“Watch it! Where are your manners? Oh! Hey! Quit it! That is not nice, ya jerk!” She floated and then fazed back into the computer. He gave that ugly thing a few whacks as well. She pouted on the other side of the screen.

“Trainin’ going wel--is that my jet ski magazine? Put it down, Blue-Raz.” Mobius ripped the magazine from him, swivelled to his desk then swiveled again to flop a jacket in front of Loki.

“Gear up, there’s been an attack. Let’s go.” The agent commanded. Loki picked up the jacket. It unfolded from the collar, back facing him. “VARIANT” was emblazoned across it.

“Ah,” was all he commented as he moved to slip it on before his handler got any ideas while he was led down hallways. Norns knew the agent would have plenty of examples in his own life up to that point, much less his future or other variants.

“Good. Yeah. Smart.” Mobius commented with his fists in a move reminiscent of excited warriors as said human stopped to look back at his charge and the newly bestowed article of clothing. B-15 gave her usual droll stare. Her minutemen stood around her in a group.

“ C-20 and her team went dark shortly after they jumped into the 1985 branch. All signs point to another ambush. We've grabbed enough temporal aura to know it's our Loki Variant.”

The “actually dangerous” sort, Loki groused silently. Then Mobius opened his mouth.

“Here's the deal. When we get out on the branch, we're not just looking for a Time Criminal. We're looking for a Loki. A variation of this guy. A type we should all be very familiar with, because the TVA has pruned a lotta these guys, almost more than any other Variant. And no two are alike. Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight. Different powers, although, powers generally include shape-shifting, illusion-projection, and my favorite... Duplication-casting. Illusion-Projection.”

Mobius gestured to him when applicable in his little speech, also projecting other variations of Loki with his TemPad--all assumedly pruned likewise. Variation 8: L6792 looked exactly like he would now had he’d been afforded the luxury of keeping his clothes, but also with slight differences that led Loki to think that that variant must have been favored royally in some way he was rejected.

Variation 8: L1247 looked like a Midguardian sportsman happily holding a trophy of some kind. Variation 8: L6792 was an atrocity of him and the Hulk combined. Variation 8: L8914 was more strongly built with more prominent hair curls in their longer hair. They stood like dignitary with their hands behind them. Variation 8: L7803 looked like an oaf. A full, half-face helmet emblazoned with the horns in the wrong direction and even a piece of turf over the shoulder like a cape. Oh, dear….

“No.”

“...Huh?”

“Those two powers are completely different, although, I am unsurprised you cannot comprehend it.”

“Loki, what are you talking about--look, I’ve dealt with more of you than you’ve dealt with yourself.”

“The truth remains that those powers are not the same.”

“Then, please, Loki, tell me.”

Loki smiled easily and supplicatingly at the contempt and patronization, just like talking to anyone in Asguard.

“ Illusion-projection involves depicting a detailed image from outside oneself, which is perceptible in the external world, whereas duplication-casting entails recreating an exact facsimile of one's own body in its present circumstance, which acts as a true holographic mirror of its molecular structure.”

“Ok, take a breath. Noted. We’re gonna break into two teams, including myself and Professor Loki here”

B-15 still looked unamused and dubious.

“Whoever the Variant is, we haven’t been able to find them so I’m the Sherlock and he’s my Watson. Look, this’ll work.” Mobius said to her. She side-eyed Loki, Loki who had nothing but a branded jacket to protect himself with.

“And so my agency in this is to… tell you how brilliant you are.”

“Go outside, maybe touch some grass.” Mobius returned with a tilted smile under his twisted nose.

“Ah. I shall protect myself with your wit, then, should this superior being choose me as a next target.”

Mobius chuckled and mimed “talky-talky” again.

He passed through the portal B-15 had summoned, closed in on both ends by TVA agents. Immediately, he could feel his seidr swell within him again and redonned his Aesir glamor. The choker chafed as he glanced around, and he found himself much preferring the biting metal of the chains he was usually imprisoned in. The place they passed into was a celebration of old Midguardian times, further back than what the TVA modeled itself after, in direct juxtaposition of the modern technology with the humans held in their hands, and had used to both get to the location and create their sometimes elaborate costumes.

“Apex of nexus signature located, ma'am,” a minuteman said as they walked.

“Allow me to ask you this, why do we not travel to the moments prior to the Variant’s attack, to when they arrive.” Loki asked as the tent grew ever nearer.

“Nexus events destabilize the time flow. This branch is still changing and growing, so you gotta show up in real time. Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?”

The minutemen twisted their batons, the ends glowing a shade that seemed to haunt the TVA as they neared.

Loki chuckled a laugh that was never and would never be heartfelt, “my dear Sherlock, you should know I am quite the scholar. But these ‘reset charges,’ they ‘prune’ a branched timeline which ‘allows time to heal all wounds.’”

Mobius made an odd gesture towards him, “he’s on it.”

Within the dark, torch-lit tent, limp minutemen laid about the displays which held real weapons and a large, stepped seating construct. Their bodies were splayed out in obvious struggle. Unactivated batons laid around as well, a few clenched in hands. A helmet bearing “C-20” laid, discarded within the scene. Loki hovered a hand over one display as he passed and they grouped around the scene.

“So he's taking hostages now?” B-15 spat.

“The Variant's never taken a hostage before,” Mobus returned.

“Maybe he's upping his game.”

“Or he pruned her,” a minuteman remarked.

“A Loki couldn't have gotten the jump on C-20.” B-15 returned.

“Fan out and search for her. And hurry up, we're at three units until red line.” B-15 ordered, her minutemen immediately moving to obey.

“Let's go. She's right.” A peon echoed.

Mobius concurred, “Come on.”

“Wait….” Loki said, brow knit as he studied the scene.

“What do you see?” Mobius asked as he stepped away from the entrance.

“I see wolf’s teeth.”

“Yeah, ok,” Mobius motioned for him to hurry and Loki got brief satisfaction that the human had no idea what he was talking about.

“‘Where there are wolf’s ears, there are wolf’s teeth,’” Loki echoed one of many sayings he heard during his childhood, especially before bed. He swallowed down the thought of a certain story about blue, darkly lined and vicious monsters.

“Ridiculous, really,” he laughed hallowly, “my people are gullible fools by nature. You remind me of them; the Time Variance Authority and the great gods of Asgard. One and the same. Drunk with power, blinded to the truth. Those you underestimate will devour you, and we’ve just walked into a wolf’s mouth.” He raked his eyes across his audience as he spoke, kneeling down in front of the helmet and stroking his hand in the grassy turf. The minutemen seemed to falter ever so slightly, B-15 rolled her eyes, and Mobius stared.

A TemPad beeped, “two units, he’s wasting our time.”

“No, step outside this tent and my other Variant will devour you,” Loki stated plainly. It was easy, nearly in a terrifying way, how he fell into the usual routine he had had with his oaf of a brother and his lackeys, who, similarly, never headed his words.

“We need to look for C-20.” B-15 repeated.

“Come on, Loki, we don’t have time for your lies.”

“Oh, I am not lying, and out of curiosity, when you find them, will you prune us both seeing as you will not have any need of me?”

Mobius sighed and gesticulated like a frustrated middle-aged Midguardian, “he’s lying.”

Loki’s head turned to the side minutely, in a ghost of a head shake. His stomach turned the way it usually did when he knew things were about to--.

“Aghr!” A minuteman had exited and had been consequently slaughtered. A brawl broke out just outside the small entrance. Innocent event-goers made exclamations outside as well. Batons revved, and B-15 and Mobius stalked to the opening. Loki walked behind them.

“The charge!” Someone yelled. The fight continued. A cloaked figure with amazing skill in combat fought them all while a crowd of civilians formed around them. There were a few smiles and jeers, no doubt thinking it was all a show.

“On behalf of t-... the Time Va-...Variance Authority, I hereby-... arrest you for-... for crimes against the… Sacred Timeline, V-… Variant!” B-15 huffed between blows.

“Ergh!” A minuteman got pruned. Loki’s cloaked variant said nothing, only continued fighting. He backed back into the tent, took aloft a jousting lance, broke it half and reemerged. For all their combined ability, the TVA was losing. The glow of pruning swung around arbitrarily. He dipped into the fight and caught his counterpart’s cutlass in the cross the two ends of the lance made.

“Pardon me, I mean no intrusion,” he said calmly to his other self, noticing a similar collar of metal that had adorned his own garments. He could feel the other’s tension as they reclaimed their sword and focused solely on him. It proved more of a poor decision than anticipated and he found himself holding his breath in pain more than he’d wanted. The wood was also useless and even though both it and he put up a valiant fight, his other self had taken hold of a baton along the line. His weapons were useless as they continued to share blows. He lowered the stubs of wood and opened his arms. The glowing end came close.

Then it wasn’t.

The grunting that followed was B-15 and Mobius disarming the variant of the baton and nearly restraining them.

“About to redline!” A remaining minuteman nearly yelled. B-15 and Mobius shared a look. A door was opened and Loki found the cloaked figure disappearing into a flurry of gold.

“What in the Rolling Stones was that, Blue-Raz?!” Mobius had him hard by the shoulder of both his jacket and dress shirt.

Loki blinked once then made eye contact with Mobius, “what ever do you mean?”

“He was about to kill you!”

“Prune,” Loki politely corrected. Mobius gawked.

“I kno--what were you thinking?!”

“Your only use of me is to capture me, I was assisting in that.”

“By letting you be killed by yourself?!”

“A mere distraction to the larger goal, Mobius.”

“And it almost worked,” B-15 piped from somewhere beside them. Her voice had dropped a tone or two.

“Yeah… almost had ‘im too.” Mobius admitted, letting Loki go. “But seriously, man, what was that?”

“Nearly fulfilling my role, as you yourself stated.” Loki replied pleasantly.

“We also barely pruned it in time and got outta there with our lives.” B-15 stated.

“Yeah…” Mobius rubbed the back of his head with his other hand on his hip as he stared at the floor. I was not lying, Loki wanted to say. To push. To scream. But he instead focused on the ache in his back. It should be fine in a matter of a few more hours given the time he had for recovery before the Tesseract opened the portal in New York and he was knocked from the Mind Stone’s, and thus Thanos’, direct influence.

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki subconsciously touched his hideously blue palm as he waited outside of the judge’s office for his handler. The doors were decorated with sandglasses. How quaint .

Mobius finally emerged, stalking right past him. Loki fell in step behind him. He realized such only after he’d done it.

An angry finger wagged in front of him as they walked, “one thing, Loki, that’s all I asked.”

“The ‘talk’ from earlier.”

“No! Catching the superior version of yourself. We lost guys out there today-- good guys!” Good, yes, ‘good guys’ who also happened to have erased who knows how many people from existence.

“There would have been a lot more had I not been there and, likewise, a lot less had I been heeded.”

“And there you go again. That narcissism! Do you ever stop? Get tired of yourself?”

Loki didn’t respond as Mobius stopped and whirled on him, only gave him his schooled expression.

“I’m on thin ice ‘cause of you. I saved you, remember that? Didn’t that mean anything to your Asguardian standards or personal morals or anything?”

“If you recall, I was about to meet that fate regardless as I helped you bring in my Variant. I also have little doubt you will delete me if I survive assisting you in their arrest either way.”

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy? Ok. Well that other you is worse, remember that. He’s killed a lot of people--more than you. You’re just a little blue ice runt, crying in the cold.”

Loki chuckled and didn’t even need to bite back the urge to correct this “Loki expert.”

“Ever get tired of playing this same old part?” Mobius continued bitterly, “I’m getting sick of your constant need for sympathy, Loki!”

“Mobius?” He asked after allowing a few minutes to pass.

“What?” Mobius mumbled.

“This other Variant is after reset charges, why not supervise another ‘pruning’ in case we find the correct branch they target. How many happen in a day, usually?”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki almost choked when they entered into an Aguardian hall. The was beautiful and towering and held stones and architecture he could rewrite the books about. For one blissful second, he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his homeland--or the place he was raised. His glamor fell over him unconsciously.

Then he had to play follow-the-leader with the TVA peons. He rounded a large corner and immediately knew how many steps it would take to get to his room, his mother’s and Thor’s.

“Loki?” A familiar voice boomed. Loki tensed. Mobius cast him a “good luck” glance and mumbled, “I’ll be back for ya, Blue-Raz”

Loki had the urge to run him through followed by his brother who should not—it didn’t matter, the timeline would be reset. The Thor bounding up behind him would be pruned with everything else… why did that hurt? He turned to face his adopted sibling.

“Loki, it is you? Isn’t it? I mean you look horrendous in that getup, but it’s you!” Thor held his hands out in what could only be described as reverence. But the esteemed Asguardian Prince was wearing dirty Midguardian clothes and had a beer gut to match. How? Barely any time had elapsed between that moment and when they were facing down in New York.

“It is me but what happened to you, brother?”

A shadow came over Thor’s face. His hands lowered and he reached out to Loki.

“Tell me the truth,” he whispered, “did you just escape the dungeons?”

Loki held his gaze for a few long moments. The timeline will be reset. There is no harm in it.

“No, Thor, I never—this me never went to the dungeons. Never came back to Asguard.”

Thor hissed an inhalation of breath as his eyes widened.

“Thor what happened to you? Why do you have mismatched eyes? Where is your armor? Or Mjolnir?”

“Oh, Loki! Loki. Loki. Loki.” Thor’s voice trembled with false laughter and an emotion Loki didn’t know, “what--you look horrendous. What in the Nine Realms are you wearing?”

“Thor, it is good to see you, but I’m afraid I don’t have the time for a chat.” Loki returned, clipped. Redline grew ever nearer.

Thor’s face fell again, “Loki… just tell me you’re alive. That I didn’t fail you on the Statesmen--Thanos is dead now, I-I killed him! I-... I killed him… I avenged you.”

“Oh, Thor,” Loki found himself saying as Thor’s eyes shined and tears spilled onto his cheeks. He allowed himself to be squeezed in the other’s arms… and found it to be the best hug he’d ever received… or the only hug….

“Thor… Thor, are you listening?” Thor only sobbed into his shoulder, holding Loki up against his beer gut and off of the actual floor.

“Y-yes?”

“Very soon, this timeline will be reset which means you will have never seen me here. So tell me, what happened to you?”

Thor whined in the back of his throat and plopped Loki back down, it was just hard enough to make pain spike up his nearly healed spine.

“I--You--Thanos--.”

Loki laid his arms on Thor’s biceps, squeezing gently, Thor shuttered then took a breath and smiled fondly at him. Fondly. Thor never did that. What sort of--how is he not the Variation?

“So after Ragnarok, Thanos… had all the Stones and killed half of what was left of Asguard including you. I wasn’t able to--I’m sorry.”

“Just tell me, Thor, I am right here.”

“Then I was found by the space morons and went to Nidevelir to forge Storm Breaker because Hela broke Mjolnir before Sakaar--Ragnarok happened because of her. Then we battled with the Avengers in Wakanda and… I didn’t go for the head! How could I have not gone for the head?! Thanos snapped and…. It was horrible, brother. Absolutely horrible. The whole universe. And so many extinctions followed and more tragedies. I-....” He hung his head. “I tried to drown my worries like the ‘oaf’ I am….”

“I thought your annoying little group was the ‘Avengers’ not the ‘Alcoholics.’”

“... Ha!” Thor slapped him on the back. The statement seemed to have brought about the intended reaction.

“Yes! Of course! So five years later, we found him and I slayed him! But Tony and Scott found a way to move through time to get the stones to undo it all, and so we did, and we succeeded! But still, Thanos haunted us and we had a final battle--which we won!” Thor seemed to have noticed himself that he was about to go into one of his long winded stories of victory, and cut it short.

Then his smile abated and his beard fell, “Loki, Steve and Tony lost the Tesseract in 2012 to you…?”

“Yes, yes, that would be me, brother.”

A gasp of breath as Thor readied himself for the most bone crushing hug in the universe was all that was afforded to Loki.

“Thor,” he wheezed slightly, “I know I was not kindest to you but must you kill me prematurely?”

“Oh, Loki! I never threw you off the Bifrost, and I-!”

“Charge is set, we gotta boogie!” Mobius interrupted, jogging over.

Thor allowed the interruption if only to interrogate him, “and who are you? How and why do you command my brother? If you are with Tha-!”

To Loki’s astonishment, a few electrical charges emanate off of his brother.

“No, time to talk. Put Loki down We gotta get outta Dodge.”

Thor’s grip tightened, “Thor, just do it!” Loki groused. Thor did. Mobius opened the portal.

“Sorry, big guy, big fan but I need your Buddy. You ever think of trying Old Spice?”

“Ah--I just--Loki just returned to me as he always does and you expect me to just give up?!”

“Thor, do not follow us, I would rather not see you get deleted.”

Heavy feet crossed through the yellow threshold and left 2023 Thor in 2014 with a gaping mouth and tear stained cheeks.

“So no Loki!” Mobius announced as he clapped his hands together, “that means we gotta get to work!” He went on to walk at a brisk pace. Loki trailed after, blinking back the stinging in his now red eyes.

“I was of the understanding that is what we were doing,” he put a hand over his throat while he cleared it.

“I need you to go over each and every one of this Variant's case files, and then, give me your... How do I put it?... Your unique Loki perspective. And who knows? Maybe there's something that we missed.”

Seeing as how you are so hypocritical, I would be surprised if you had not missed anything. Honestly, “all you Lokis are the same” yet in the same breath, “no Loki variant is exactly alike.” I think as I do.

“You are the expert, I trust your judgement” Loki said instead.

“That's why I'm lucky I got ya for a little bit longer. Let me park ya at this desk. And don't be afraid to really lean into this work. Here's a good trick for you: pretend your life depends on it. I'm gonna get a snack.”

For all his countless hours spent in not only the Grand Library, but others around Asguard and the other Realms, he found himself having little interest in sifting through all the instances in which that other version of him overcame the great TVA and triggered more animosity against themselves--and all other Lokis.

“Any motive, Sherlock?” He asked dryly.

“That’s what you’re for!” The agent chuckled, poked at his chest and walked away.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the agent walk away then turned his attention to the paperwork. The pattern was known to begin with but became… inane the more pages he flipped through: nexus event, dispensed TVA agents, the team goes silent, they’re found dead and without the reset charge, Mobius, the expert, is called in for investigation and then the branch is reset before redline.

One Loki… only one to best their happy little teams. I was bested, but I also have extenuating circumstances of the past year. Without Thanos’ interruption, could I have?... Yes, I fought alongside Thor and his foolish troup of warriors, I would have been able to exact my own damage. For a ‘timeline protection force,’ how are they schooled in combat?

“Pardon me,” he tapped the librarian’s bell. She turned to him with a nonplussed expression.

“Could you show me to the combat regimens of our dear agents?”

“No.”

“Infographics?”

“No.”

“Battle end-games?”

“No.”

“Well, you have been very helpful, thank you.” It was still a library after all and he more than knew his way around one seidr or not; his mind was still intact--somewhat intact and that had always been his greatest weapon.

So he sat back down at the table to form a plan of action, so to speak, of how he could find the files he wanted in the fastest and most assured way. But, he still had all the paperwork of this other Loki, dripping in red. Oozing. Gushing. Like Thor’s cape as yet more enemies were put to ruin under his brother’s sheer might. He never envied that red; never thought he could own it or have it become him… yet this other version had jumped--leapt into that pool of blood and ended all who stood in their way. Incapacitation would have sufficed. Has sufficed in innumerable cases. He’d both saved lives of his comrades and stupid brother, and saw the end goal in such a way.

He gasped and leapt up, running along the railing of the library.

“Mobius--.”

“No, I said, ‘don’t bother me until you’ve read all the files,’ and I know you don’t read that fast.” Mobius set his Js\osta down with a hard thonk .

“I have, but unimportant--.” Loki slid into the seat across from the agent in the cafeteria.

“No, read every file pertaining to the Variant.”

“The answer does not lie in the files, it lies on the timeline!” Mobius gave him a dangerous look at the slight raising of his voice. Loki took a breath.

“Look,” Loki began again with his arms fanning over the table, “they’re hiding in apocalypses.”

“Which one? There’s, like, a million?”

“Take Ragnarok, I assume you are familiar?”

“Yeah, total destruction of your weird coin planet and most of its people because of your sister Hela. I’m sorry.”

Sister? Hela? Thor mentioned her--unimportant now.

“Yes, well, that recent visit with Thor got me thinking…?”

Mobius regarded him but eventually sighed and sat back, making a small gesture, “yeah, sure, ok.”

“Nexus events happen when someone does something that is not meant to happen--.”

“A bit more complicated but yeah.”

“These can culminate into entire other timelines--.”

“Chaotic alterations of a predetermined outcome.” Loki did his best to ignore the interruptions. He forced animation into his movements as if trying to explain it to Thor. That was best, pretend he was explaining something that now seemed so basic to the warrior.

“Alright! So this is Asgard,” he plundered the agent’s salad bowl. Said agent gave sad push back. Loki continued.

“I could travel back to Asgard preceding Ragnarok and do whatever I wished; switch crowns, resoil linens, topple some columns. I could destroy the Rainbow Bridge.” He grabbed the small salt shaker and started pouring some in. Mobius mourned his food. Loki was not fed.

“None of this would matter. Not if I set fire to the courtyard. Or even killed the Allfather!”

“Why--Lo--God, Loki!”

“Excuse me,” Loki greeted Casey kindly at an adjacent table, “are you finished with this?”

Casey, who had his bunched napkin thrown on his plate in clear sign of being finished looked from his crumpled juice box to Loki, “you!”

“Yes, very nice to see you again,” Loki took the drink container and poured it into the salad, secretly relishing how the agent utterly deflated.

“Due to Surtur!” Loki finished.

Mobius rubbed his hand down his face, “what am I lookin’ at?”

“Apocalypses, Holmes.”

“Loki, you just apocalypse my lunch, I wanted to eat that!”

“You want my other Variant.”

Mobius leaned onto the table, “cut to the chase.”

“That is how they have escaped you for so long; no matter what happens, an apocalypse negates anything that would otherwise summon the TVA.”

“Oh, not bad. Not Bad. Hey, so, how do you weigh over five hundred pounds?”

That was a “jackknife”--as Midgaurdians may say--that he did not expect.

Mobius raised his hands, “hey, I’m not judging, just curious.”

“Focus, Mobius, please.”

“Ok, ok. My salad. Destroyed.” Another despondent hand waved at the bowl.

“I can show you my theory is true.”

Mobius laughed, “I’m not letting you go.”

“You come with me, naturally,” Loki pushed.

“Well, I’ve had enough of your troublemaking for one day.”

“No one has to know unless I am correct--which I am.”

“TVA agents can’t just go running around anyway. Waltzing into the White House would be a Nexus event.”

You are not listening!

“Pompeii, for instance, you Midguardians like talking about that catastrophe, we could go there!”

“Pompeii?”

“Pompeii. Everyone died and that town was not even the worst hit of the eruption of Vesuvius.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk, talk, talk. Oh, you’re so smart!” Mobius sneered and wiped his mouth with his napkin despite not having spilled anything much less eaten enough to make a mess of his face. No food for either of them it seemed.

“If I go along with this and you stab me in the back, you’re getting erased. Capische?”

“Understood,” I am fully expecting that regardless.

[dear-yandere]

aphrodisiac. [kinktober]

yandere! mafia boss! dazai x f! reader. not sfw (18+) scenario. tw: noncon, dissociation, mind break, aphrodisiacs, gunplay. disclaimer: this is not a healthy relationship.

part 1 — part 2 (here)

dazai’s eyes were devoid of any regrets about drugging you; rather, they were brimming with unparalleled excitement and lust. you wanted to feel disgusted, to feel violated and angry, but you couldn’t. part of you always wanted to be taken by this man even though these circumstances weren’t what you had in mind; still, you found yourself almost enjoying the way his body pressed against yours as if baring it all for your taking. you wanted to blame your attraction on the drugs, but you knew you didn’t mind this side of him, as scary as it was. perhaps you knew this day would come, where he’d invariably snap and claim you as his like he always threatened he would whenever you’d misbehave.

and you’d misbehaved to the highest degree, having tried to escape.

brown eyes met yours with a sickening look of sheer love, forcing you out of your reverie. a gloved finger rested on your lip, idly playing with it as if it were a delicate flower whose petals could fall at any moment. “try to stay quiet, i’ll be gentle.” his voice seemed ethereal and distant under the influence of the mixed drugs, but you somehow heard it loud and clear. in fact, it was the only thing you could hear clearly, no doubt a side-effect of the drugs he’d forced down your throat.

dazai chuckled when you slowly nodded and leaned into his warm touch, his finger tracing the contours of your face like you were an exquisite art piece. just seeing you like this, eyes cloudy and practically begging for him, nearly made him lose control -- but he wanted to savor this moment just a bit longer. it’s not everyday he gets to fuck his beloved any place other than the bedroom -- no one else was allowed to see you so vulnerable, after all. 

before you could process it all, soft lips danced across your skin in a skillful and passionate display, peppering your collarbone and jawline with gentle nips and chaste pecks. paradoxical feelings bubbled in your stomach at how gently he was handling you despite how messed up this situation was. even without the drugs, he was a master at making you feel conflicted, both yearning for him and disgusted by him.

“don’t look at me like that, darling.” he ordered, hating the way your spiteful glare contrasted the pretty blush on your cheeks and the eager bite of your lips. “this is for your own good. once i make you mine, you’ll see how foolish trying to leave was.” his voice was making you dizzy, but you nodded in agreement despite your better wishes, your expression softening as if simply by his command. 

he smiled approvingly. “i love when you’re a good girl. you love me too, right?”

another quick nod, this time accompanied by a delirious smile. it’s true you loved him dearly, but you loved yourself more. leaving was the only way to ensure your survival, but even before knowing of his affiliation with the port mafia, you couldn’t have chosen a more dangerous person to fall in love with. he would never let you go that easily and the drugs altering your mind proved the lengths he’d go to ensure that.

you gasped when cold steel pressed against your panties, vaguely remembering that he had a loaded gun and he fully intended on threatening you with it. you squirmed against the barrel as he lightly rubbed it down your clothed clit, curiously pushing your panties to the side. against the cold air of the warehouse, the steel barrel nearly made you clamp your legs shut had dazai not been holding them apart with his hand and elbow. 

“ah ah ah, be a good girl. this’ll be fun, you even lubricated the gun wonderfully.” he chuckled and eyed the still-wet barrel before cautiously pressing the gun against your opening, careful to move your folds apart and slowly work the barrel in. he didn’t want to ruin you -- that’s best saved for later. you hissed at the intrusion, tears speckling your eyes as he pushed the gun further into your warmth. the gun’s girth was far larger than dazai, the latter of which was already so well-endowed it took weeks to get used to his size... especially when he never cared to fully get you in the mood whenever he felt like fucking you senseless.

he waited patiently, like a wolf basking in the fear of its cornered prey, as he let you grow accustomed to the desert eagle’s size. much to his surprise, you hungrily bucked into the barrel with ease. “oh? i didn’t know my darling was so lewd. did i prepare my pet well?” his laughter echoed off the walls as he reminisced about all the wonderful times he shared with you behind closed doors. licking his lips in anticipation, he steadily increased the speed and watched in awe as you met each thrust like a whore that had been starved of pleasure for a mere few days.

“i’m so happy we’re bonding like this. i’m learning so much about you...” his hot breath tickled your ear, the warmth of which quickly radiated in your cheeks. “things i could never hope to learn just by watching.”

your stomach nearly dropped realizing the insinuations of those words, the reality of the situation finally setting in -- he’d been watching you, following you, ruining your life for far longer than he’d let on -- but he didn’t relent in the near-violent thrusts of his gun. pleasure was quickly conquering the fear you desperately tried to cling to. giving in meant you were no longer human, nothing more than a puppet in his hand or a pawn in his game of chess. or, perhaps you were his queen. ironic, for even though the queen was far more powerful than the king in chess, he’d easily overpowered you. without the king, the game cannot go on, and dazai had every intention of playing this game until the bitter end. 

you were going down with him, and him with you.

but god, did the way he used you feel divine. each breathy and conflicted moan was met with a soft and restrained whine from him as he watched you soak the large gun and his fingers with hot cum. pleasure coursed through your body like thundering rapids, and the delightful quiver of your hips and thighs was almost too much for the seasoned mafioso. he wanted to bury his face between your legs, to flick his tongue over your heat and listen to your adorable little moans reverberate down your body. he wanted to see you flustered, submissive, helpless -- he wanted to make you completely his.

the gun was quickly becoming a hindrance to dazai, but he liked seeing you enjoy being fucked by his weapon. the way it stretched your skin looked so painful and yet... so delightful. his erection throbbed as if in response to seeing your folds coil around the gun barrel, seemingly trying to suck the entire thing deeper into your core with every thrust. he licked his lips, an impatient and earnest itching shooting to the head of his penis.

he couldn’t take it anymore. patience had always been a virtue, just as much as masks and acting was second nature, but even those years of experience didn’t matter when you came into the equation.

with a final thrust into your abused pussy, he pulled the gun out, earning a pained groan from your parted and bruised lips. the notches and edges of the firearm left an uncomfortable sensation on your insides when he’d harshly pulled it out without warning, the sheer size of the gun leaving your entrance slightly agape -- ready for everything he had to offer.

“someone’s eager~” he chirped and raised the gun to his pink lips, tongue already darting out to lap up your cum. you watched through half-lidded eyes, your own tongue hanging out of your mouth like a bitch in heat, wanting nothing more than to have his tongue on you... in you.

“don’t worry my love, i’ll give you what you want. but first...” he leaned in, sadistic smile finally reaching eyes which shone with his true colors. with his thumb, he traced  the contour of your lips, following the beautifully split curves that had resulted from weeks of biting born out of paranoia. nevertheless, you were entranced. 

“beg for it.”

you didn’t have to think twice -- you couldn’t, not when the drugs had reached their zenith, forcing you to feel things you could hardly comprehend. you slipped your fingers into his hair, caressing his lightly tousled and curled strands impatiently. your lips parted before you could think, already mewling and begging the mafioso to fuck you senseless.

“p-please...”, you whined and desperately tried to buck into his hips, wishing he would finally undress himself. being the only one naked felt awfully lonely. but he only clicked his tongue in malcontent and moved slightly backwards.

“please what, belladonna?”

“please me!” your voice echoed in the near empty warehouse as your thighs clasped around his waist, struggling to bring him closer. he hummed blissfully and let your thighs latch around his waist, your pleads building a fire within him. “touch me! do me! fuck me, please, dazai!”

his smile was predatory. whatever self-restraint he’d built up had shattered upon hearing your sweet and needy mewls. one thrust and he was buried deep inside you, your slick allowing him to slide in with ease. you let out an elated moan, dazai following in your stead as your hips rutted into his to meet each thrust. your eyes lolled into your head, the sensation of his entire length filling you up practically setting your nerves on fire.

“mm, how i missed this, dear.” he leaned into your ear, his husky and low voice musing sweet moans and whispers of how much he loved you, how you no longer belonged to anyone but him. his words, his presence, his sheer love for you was on full display-- so beguiling it left you no choice but to shamelessly purr in agreement and press into him, marveling at the way your heated bodies intermingled, held together by a thin sheen of sweat across your chests.

his nails dug deep into the tender flesh of your hips, but pain refused to register in your head at this point. the drugs had your vision swirling, fading from black to clear every so often as his body violently and harshly bucked into yours. the only thing you could see, the only thing you needed in life, was him.

his moans were intoxicating as they were blithe, easily stroking and reigniting the lust that had caught in knots within your stomach. whether it was an aftereffect of the drug or from the smothered acknowledgement that you were being raped by the monster who’d taken everything from you, your stomach twisted with indignation and detestation. you wanted to throw up, to close your eyes and pretend this wasn’t happening, to pretend this was no longer you -- but the drugs he’d forced down your throat had brought out a carnal side of you, a side that delighted in how carelessly and reprehensibly he took your innocence from you.

“my belladonna…” his tongue prodded against your neck in hot, wet bursts. you squeezed your eyes shut as his gentle love bites stung as if to leave marks for days to come, your senses heightened by the aphrodisiacs. looking up at you through dim light that pooled into the abandoned warehouse, his eyes were lusty with satisfaction. “you don’t know how long i’ve waited for this, love. i-i can hardly hold myself back, much less drag this out for too long, unfortunately...” he bit at his lips, straining to keep himself from cumming too soon.

instead, he embraced you, allowing himself to enjoy your warmth and scent. your perfume was just as he imagined it, the light sheen of sweat coating your body was proof of how scared you were, but the cum staining your inner thighs and his dazai’s dick was proof of how much you were enjoying him. paradoxical and confusing emotions had blurred your foggy mind, leaving you with remnants of what was right and wrong. you shouldn’t be enjoying this -- you didn’t want to be enjoying this -- not when the bucking of your hips and the parting of your lips was not your own.

you hated this. you hated him. but right now that didn’t matter, and you hated that too.

you’d asked for this, but it was hard not to screw your eyes shut and try to forget about what was happening. you wanted to imagine he was someone else, or that he was someone you actually loved in the first place, or that this was all a fever nightmare -- but you couldn’t. your senses were heightened beyond a boundary you didn’t know you had; whatever drugs he’d used were potent and you only hoped they wouldn’t kill you at this rate.

then again, perhaps death was preferable at this point. whatever he had in mind when he was finished would surely be along the lines of keeping you like a beloved pet for his entertainment.

“don’t close your eyes, belladonna.” he cut into your thoughts with that sultry voice that seemed all the more euphoric and irresistible under the influence of aphrodisiacs. despite yourself, you audibly whined when he stopped fucking you, waiting for you to follow his command like a good girl. it was surely only a few seconds, but the suffocating silence and the sickening heat of his body pressing into yours felt like the length of an entire war -- one which you lost. he smiled, unable to resist a small chuckle when you finally opened your eyes, still avoiding his gaze. “good girl. now watch me make you mine, darling. this will be the norm from now on anyway.”

your lips trembled, successfully resisting a moan, when he continued his ministrations, fingers harshly digging into and grabbing your hips for better access. the sounds of sex -- the slapping of skin, the gross sound of his cock rubbing against your slick cunt, his feverish moans coupled with the ones you couldn’t hold behind closed lips -- it almost felt like forever. dissociating from the situation was surprisingly easy, eyes now wide open -- if only to make this go by faster -- and pinned to the steel beams of the warehouse ceiling. his moans, ragged and animalistic, were fuel for the sickening heat pooling within your abdomen, but there was nothing you could do to drown out your own sounds of pleasure. part of you wanted to scream for help, scream in pain and agony from being taken so ruthlessly by a man who could ruin your life with a snap of his fingers, but that part of you was stifled to near-death under the influence of his black market drugs and the weight of pleasure you didn’t want.

you thought -- hoped -- he’d leave you thereafter he’d had his way with you. but fate was not kind to you; in fact, it liked to watch you suffer. that much was apparent when a playful spark of curiosity flashed across umber brown eyes.

“rid your thoughts of any prospect of escaping, belladonna. you’ll never get far. i’ll chase you to hell and drag you back myself if i must.” 

the cold metal he pressed against your left hand was a welcome change to the overwhelming heat of your body... until you felt a tight, clenching sensation wrap around your heart, realization dawning upon you. renewed panic shot through you when he laid an insouciant and loving kiss upon your new engagement ring. his eyes flashed with sadistic bemusement as they rose to meet your frightened gaze.  the emotion in his eyes was frightening, a flux of intense adoration and obsession.

“till death do us part, yes?”

dear-yandere, all rights reserved.

[bigskydreaming]

@elfysparkles88​

#listen it's a universal problem#I love my mans Scott#everyone is always bagging on him WHY#Scott Summers#X-Men

Its because Scott Summers is inevitably compared and contrasted with those around him, and he has the great misfortune of running in the same circles as an all-star line up of like....just the absolutely most Ridiculous People to Ever Ridick.

We’re talking about a guy whose dad was abducted by aliens and from there went on to decide, welp, guess I gotta become a space pirate now, jaunty earring and all, no, shhh, shh, no, there are no alternatives, I gotta, no, I said no - SHUT IT, I SAID I GOTTA BE A SPACE PIRATE NOW ITS THE ONLY WAY. Oh btw, meet my fianceé. She’s an alien mercenary who is a little like a skunk but don’t call her that to her face or she’ll shoot you in yours. How’s that for swoonworthy, am I right, son?

We’re talking about a guy whose own son was a literal sixty year old Grumpy Old Man overburdened with world-weariness, wildly unnecessary shoulderpads and arthritic joints when Scott was barely hitting his third decade. With said son now randomly being a moody sixteen year old again, with a pet sentient sword he talks lovingly to, because apparently Nathan Summer’s take on teenage rebellion was to act out by being all LOL Fuck Time Travel Paradoxes and then rebelliously zooming around the space/time continuum while blasting a soundtrack of MCR probably, until he finally got a bead on his older self and shot himself in the face while being like “its not that I’m angry with you, I’m just disappointed” and look this is the part where your eyes are gonna wanna just glaze over so your brain can have a break, shhh, shh, don’t ask questions, just let it be, it happened, its a thing.

We’re talking about a guy whose brother rode a merry-go-round of “Am I a good guy this week or am I a bad guy because Reasons or sometimes Brainwashing or sometimes I Don’t Even Fucking Know, Look Don’t @ Me Bro, I Just Fucking Work Here, I’m Not In The Loop” for most of his twenties until dying in a fiery explosion only to inexplicably return years later as a coma patient who finally woke up one day and said “Whoa, just got back from tripping around the multiverse and boy do I have stories cuz apparently I’m the Nexus of All Realities, so hah, SUCK IT, big brother, and yes that is TOO a thing, shut up, LET ME HAVE THIS. Oh and also btw don’t spend a lot on your wedding gift for me and Lorna because I’m gonna leave her at the altar once I realize that I’m actually more in love with the random nurse lady who changed my bed pans while I was in a coma having a romantic rendezvouz with her in Paris in my brain courtesy of her psychic eight-year old kid trying to play matchmaker for her cuz like, she doesn’t date much apparently but its whatever, this is FINE, I have no objections. Ugh why are you looking at me like that Scott, no, I don’t need to “talk” with someone about everything I’ve ‘been through,’ ugh I’m HAPPY you asshole, god, why don’t you ever want me to just be HAPPY ugh you just have to control EVERYTHING with your over-bearing BS like “I am concerned your decision-making processes might be affected by all the people tampering with your decision-making processes over the years” like umm DID I ASK? No? I didn’t think so? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD, SCOTT, UGH THAT DOES IT, IM RUNNING AWAY TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN AGAIN AND THIS TIME ITS TOTALLY YOUR FAULT, YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN I CRY HAVOK AND LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF WAR THIS TIME FOR SURE, AND OMG FOR THE LAST TIME I KNOOOOOOW THAT’S NOT HOW ITS SPELLED, ITS ABOUT THE AESTHETIC SCOTT, ITS CALLED HAVING A SENSE OF STYLE, UGH, LET ME LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.”

We’re talking about a guy whose other little brother randomly showed up and started killing people one day being like “hahaha surprise, bet you all forgot about me, PS, I’m REALLY FUCKING MAD AT YOU ALL FOR FORGETTING ABOUT ME” because the world’s most powerful telepath made everyone forget about him and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day they all had once and this is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, this is normal. As is the way his newly discovered slash remembered slash resurrected slash recently returned from spending the last decade fucking around as a disembodied energy ghost on a rock up in Earth’s orbit little brother then decided the Earth just wasn’t big enough for the both of them, the both of them in this case meaning both him, singular, and his Angst, as a wholly separate and towering entity in its own right. So instead he fucked off to space and decided to conquer a vast alien empire and spend the next several years being their god-emperor or whatever until he got bored with that. And also he kinda sorta killed their dad for a bit but whatever, its fine, he got better, and then he also kinda sorta died for a bit himself but whatever, its fine, he got better, and there was that whole interstellar war between himself and the Inhumans but whatever that wasn’t even his FAULT, Scott, THEY STARTED IT, god, do you ever stop JUDGING ME AND MY LIFE CHOICES and PS I’m still mad at you for killing Xavier, you fucking asshole, not because you did it but because like, you KNOW I wanted to do it, I had a whole fucking villain monologue moment about it and everything, you were literally there, UGH WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HAVE NICE THINGS?!?! YOU ARE THE ENEMY OF FUN AND JOY AND HEY MAYBE YOU WERE THE REAL VILLAIN ALL ALONG, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? HUH? MR. I’M THE BOSS, WAIT WHO’S THE BOSS? OH YEAH STILL ME, SCOTT, I’M THE BOSS, YOU GOTTA STOP BEING A SPACE EMPEROR GABE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE THE BOSS, ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO BE THE BOSS BECAUSE I’M THE BOSS AND I SAID SO AND YOU GOTTA DO WHAT I SAY OR I’LL TELL DAD.” 

And that’s not even getting into how we’re also talking about a guy who basically ended up divorcing his first wife and suing for sole custody on the grounds of “Well, your Honor, she tried to sacrifice our son on a literal demonic altar in order to summon Hell to Earth to destroy everything just to get back at me after I left her. Yes, your Honor, I understand that is in fact Asshole Behavior, but there were extenuating circumtances, you see, the woman I left her for was my first love before her who I thought was dead. And also, she was literally my wife before my wife was. No, I don’t mean I was married before Maddie, I mean Jean was kinda pretty much already Maddie before Maddie was Maddie. Its this whole clone thing. Look, I’m just saying it was a complicated situation and I know I have my part to play in it, but I still stand by my conviction that trying to sell out our entire planet and species to the legions of Hell while using the innocent blood of our ten month old as the Golden Ticket to the Chocolate Factory was still a little over the top and not really the right way to handle it either. Also, I contend that I can provide a better home environment at the moment than someone who is insisting on being addressed as The Goblin Queen because what even is that, honestly, Your Honor, and also, she also brainwashed my brother into trying to kill me on her behalf, which to be fair does happen about every other month anyway, but still, like. Dick move, you know?”

And we’re also talking about a guy whose second wife who was kinda sorta his first wife but only in that It Ain’t Bigamy If Its A Clone Thing way....like, I mean. Its kinda hard NOT to come across as the bland one in the relationship when your second wife occasionally moonlights as the AirBnb of choice for a cosmic parakeet goddess of rebirth and fiery destruction who is pretty infamous for the ragers she hosts every time she pops into town for a visit, all smiles and (literal) sunbeams (of scorching lethality) and “Lol hey hot stuff, remember me?” As if someone who ate an alien civilization’s sun the last time she hit a Mood is like....really in danger of ever being “New phone, who dis?”ed. But that is neither here nor there, much like the sentients of Alpha Centauri Bumfuckville after she went all Goodnight Sun, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Solar System on their corner of the galactic neighborhood, because.....tbh I don’t think she ever actually said “why” there. Its one of those things where if you don’t already KNOW why a cosmic parakeet goddess of rebirth and fiery destruction has decided its nighty-night time for this particular zipcode.....like.....that’s not really something you just ASK, y’know? Its....tacky, probably. Also, low on the self-preservation instincts, probably.

Plus we’re talking about a guy whose second marriage to Yet Another Woman It Probably Should Have Registered As A Bad Idea To PIss Off Like This ended in like....so, okay, this was a bit more His Bad than even Round One was, courtesy of a “Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Show-stopping” reinterpretation of what was up until this point te much more ambiguous and metaphorically named “Mental Affair” concept. Though it must be said, Scotty always has skewed a bit more towards the literal minded in his personal approach to things, so, y’know. That tracks. But regardless, the pattern remains consistent here, as once again, its not always easy to register on peoples’ radar as anything other than the Plus One when your newest paramour prides herself on being both the entire planning committee AND star attraction of Victoria’s Secret (assuming that said Secret is Secret Aims at World Domination) Presents: A Renaissance Faire. But in an evil and also kinky way. Except now with sixty percent less evil on account of how Emma’s reformed these days, but not a hundred percent less evil because she’s not like, REFORMED reformed, cuz that would be boring, eww, could you imagine, no, you couldn’t, because she won’t let you and she can do that, she’s that good at telepathy and that bad at boundaries. Still the same amount of kinky as before though, but like. That’s just about Strong Branding. After all, at the end of the day Emma Frost is above all else, a good businesswoman.

But yes, she is also a big fan of the Aesthetic, with that aesthetic being Her Whims On Steroids because like they say, go big or go home, and Emma Frost does not believe in going home when she can simply acquire your home instead. Hate the game, not the player. She didn’t make the rules, she just came to win. Point being, its hard to follow up an act like Jean-Who-Is-Sometimes-Phoenix-And-Sometimes-Dark-Phoenix-And-Oh-Hell-She-Cant-Even-Keep-Track-So-How-Could-Anyone-Else-Really, but say what you will about Emma’s wardrobe, she’s more concerned with clothing herself in unapologetic take no prisoners ambition, and as such, her being the follow-up to Scott’s epic romance with his childhood sweetheart turned literal cosmic embodiment of fire and passion, like.....this was never a big checkmark in the con side of a pro and con list for Emma. It was more like oh, yes, hello there, Challenge Absolutely Fucking Accepted.

Which, y’know, all the points to House Frost for showing spine and boy howdy, that’s a spine alright.....but at the same time, going head to head with someone who is classified as a galactic threat when people are deliberately low-balling her, like, for no other reason than you’re bored and your manicure appointment isn’t for another couple hours.....like that’s the kind of thing where it has to be pointed out that there were possibly alternative options worth considering somewhere in between ‘having no spine’ and ‘spiting cosmic entity who can kill you with her brain by stealing her man and saying come at me bro because like....my spine, let me show you it.”

But again, just to reiterate the premise here.....our thesis here today is that Scott Summers Gets a Bad Rap For Being Bland or Boring or Not Standing Out, But In Reality The Issue Is Just That All The People He Knows Are Truly Ridiculous People.

In other words, Scott Summers is no more the Everyman of the X-Men than any of his Truly Ridiculous Friends and Family.

Because an actual everyman would have bounced out of that madhouse way the fuck back in Chapter One: In Which Things Just Got Ridiculous.

Cut to Scott Summers, in contrast: *looks around, purses lips, weighs options* Nah. This is fine.

See also:

His daughter, who didn’t so much arrive after the traditional nine months of waiting and preparing for a bundle of bouncing baby joy but instead just like...plopped back into the past as a full grown woman hailing from a dystopian future she was hellbent on preventing by any means necessary, even if that means had Scott frantically shouting RACHEL NO as she screamed RACHEL YES and sprinted straight at someone like Selene (a villain who has survived 17,000 years of pissing people off and making enemies of actual, literal gods) while thinking “oh yeah, I got this.”

(To be fair, she probably DID have it, or would have, if Logan hadn’t chosen that moment of all moments to have his once-centennial contemplation of “Wait, what if....murder is...NOT good?” Never underestimate the daughter of a cosmic goddess.)

Or see also also:

Scott’s original classmates, including Doctor Hank “I’m not an over-archiever, I’m just stress-eating because its lunchtime and I’ve only revolutionized two whole fields of scientific study so far today,” McCoy, Warren “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I’m a billionaire, wait no, I’m just kidding don’t hate me at all hahaha I’m too sexy” Worthington III, and Bobby “I may look cute and unassuming and like my only priority in life is video games but sike, I too am a potentially cosmic level immortal being of nigh-unlimited power or at least I will be whenever I get around to tapping that potential like I’m currently tapping xy up down A + BBA like a boss, now shhh, don’t interrupt me while I’m kicking ass at Mario Kart I said I’ll GET TO THAT LATER, ugh, JEEZ, my priorities are FINE, Scott, like get off my back already, you’re not even my real dad” Drake.

In conclusion:

Scott Summers is valid, and there may be legions drinking his Hatorade, but make no mistake, its not that he’s Less Than, its that every single person in his social circle is just that damn Extra.

[neocityarchive]

ends | mark lee (pt 4)

summary | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Y/N’s POV

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: none

Chapter Summary: “I’ve learned the feeling of losing you. It hurts more than I can take.”

It was another chilly night. You didn’t understand what’s so important about today that Hyuck wanted you to meet him as soon as possible. Without anything else to do, you agreed.

You and Hyuck hung out a lot lately. And although so many parts of him remind you of Mark (plus the fact that he constantly mentions his hyung), the times you spend with him are the most you’ve laughed in months.

You were already late when you arrived at the cafe. You found it strange that he wanted to meet there. It didn’t look like a place he would wanna go to, but then again, there’s still so much you don’t know about him. Somehow, he always ends up surprising you until now.

The bell above the door rang as you entered. The place was a bit huge but only half full. You looked around in search for your friend among the sea of strangers who were completely immersed in their own businesses. But then what you found instead, you didn’t expect at all. 

You felt as if air had been knocked out of your lungs. Your heart started beating so fast that it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest. You haven’t felt this since you downed three cups of coffee before your college finals. You blinked. Thrice, just two make sure if it’s real. You hoped it wasn’t, but it was.

Mark Lee, the boy you loved and maybe still do, was sitting at the corner of the cafe. His cap hung low on his face in the hopes of giving him anonymity, clearly trying not to be noticed. But you do. You could be in a crowd of hundreds and you would still recognize him anywhere. Especially when he’s looking back at you, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

What a cruel game the universe plays, you thought. Just when I was starting to think that maybe I could be happy by myself again, it throws me this.

You shook your head slightly and started walking towards him, your feet almost as if moving on their own. As shocked as you were, though, it felt nothing compared to how he seemed to be.

“Hi,” you said, looking away at once. Somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes when you know they were staring back at you.

“Y/N,” Mark said, standing up. “H-hi.”

You forced a smile. “I was just, um—” you cleared your throat. “I was supposed to meet Donghyuck. Is he here?” You looked around again, hoping to find Hyuck or literally just anyone who could pull you out of the situation. It hasn’t even been two minutes, but your whole body was already screaming at you to run, that none of this is good.

Funny how you’ve been spending so much time thinking about Mark, but now that he’s right there in front of you, you would give anything just to disappear.

He shook his head. “He just left, like ten minutes ago. He told me to wait a while before heading out.”

“But we were supposed to...” your voice trailed off as it occurred to you what just happened. You sighed. “Oh, that asshole,” you muttered under your breath.

“Why?” 

Under his cap, you could see his eyebrows furrow for awhile before he started to realize what was happening. You wanted to scream. It annoyed you how you still find it cute that he’s slow to catch on things.

“He set us up...?” Mark asked, his tone hesitant. “Oh.”

“I can’t believe him.” You groaned. “I’m sorry. I swear I have nothing to do with this. I honestly had no idea. I promise. I’m just gonna go. Sorry.”

You turned around immediately and started walking away. But you haven’t even taken your second step when you felt Mark’s hand grab you by the arm. You sucked in a breath, realizing how this scene was all too familiar. Suddenly, it was like you were back at the lounge beside the recording rooms. Suddenly, it felt like he just broke your heart again.

You bit your lip to stop yourself from screaming as the memory of that day ran through your head.

“Stay,” Mark said, his voice low. “Please.”

Your heart melted at the sound of his voice. It was getting harder and harder to breath, like standing in neck-deep water. Even just looking at him, with him touching you like that, being this close... it’s a bit too much.

“Mark, just...” you said weakly.

His grip loosened until he let go. 

“... don’t,” you continued. “You probably have somewhere you need to be anyway.”

“I don’t,” he said immediately. “And I also wanted to talk to you.”

You let out a breath. You hate how you’re trying so hard not to show him that he still has an effect on you. You hate it even more that you’re most likely failing. 

“It’s getting late. I might miss the bus,” you lied.

“I’ll take you home. I promise.”

“Mark, this isn’t—”

“Please,” he insisted. His voice sounded fragile. Now that you’re getting a better look at him, you realized he looked like he just cried. His eyes were red, his nose puffy, his lips looking more plump than usual. Still, you thought it was impossible considering he was with Hyuck earlier. Maybe it was just the lighting. Or maybe he’s just tired, as usual.

You looked away. Some of the people in the cafe were starting to look at the two of you. You had a feeling at least one of them have already recognized Mark.

You exhaled and groaned to yourself before making a decision you were 99% sure you were going to regret later on. “Fine,” you said.

He smiled.

“But let’s get out of here.” You eyed the people around the room. “You’ve already been here for too long.”

Mark quickly got the message, looking around warily for fans and nosy media people. It was one of those things you’ve developed in the relationship while you were still together after encountering those kinds of people so many times.

“Alright, come on.”

When you got out of the cafe, you were disoriented for a while. Paradoxically, the whole scene felt so strange because it was too natural: the two of you getting out of a cafe this time of the night, going on walks together. You remembered how you were always wishing that your house was a bit further away, and him whining about having an early schedule the next day. You remember how much the two of you hated goodbyes so much. It’s kind of funny how you gave each other the biggest one.

Now, he’s just... there. The familiar scent of his perfume has been driving you crazy. Something about it makes you want to wrap your arms around him and bury your head in his chest, but you can’t. You wondered if this is what they mean by someone being so close, but so far away.

The two of you started walking the opposite direction of where you came. You buried your hands in your jacket pocket, feeling the warmth of your breath as you exhaled the cold air.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Where do you wanna go?”

You shrugged, too. During the first few weeks after your breakup, you hated going out so much since everywhere you go, something always reminds you of him. The traces of your relationship are all over Seoul and beyond, it was so hard to run away from.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

“I’m fine.”

As if it’s the universe’s job to constantly prove you wrong, a cold wind blew past, making you shiver.

“I’m fine,” you said again, this time trying to convince yourself.

“No, you’re not.” Mark shook his head. He held his hands out, waiting for you to take it. You knew what he was about to do. It’s one of those things he learned from watching too much romcoms with you. “Come on. I know you’re freezing. I’ve always told you to put on extra layers since you get cold easily. You never listen.”

“I said I’m fine,” you whined.

But Mark only clicked his tongue and took both your hands in his, pressing them together and blowing on them. His warm breath on your freezing hands immediately took effect, maybe partly because your cheeks were heating up, too. He rubbed his thumb on the back of your hands in circles, calming you down. It was all you could do to stop yourself from doing something even more stupid.

When he finally let go, you were frozen for a second with no idea what to do. You put your hands back in your pocket and looked away.

“Better?” he asked.

You nodded weakly, not meeting his eyes.

“Do you want to crash the recording studio? I have to get something from there anyway.”

You couldn’t think straight after what he just did, so you agreed. You knew if he didn’t just mess up your mind like that, you wouldn’t have even considered it.

The rest of the walk was quiet. Neither of you talked. The tension was high. You were aware of both your and his movements, careful not to even brush your hands against each other. Along the way, you decided to get yourselves some coffee since you weren’t able to order from that last cafe.

It was quiet again when you went inside the building. There weren’t many people around at this time of the day. Almost everyone already went home. When you reached the recording studio, it was empty. It didn’t look like anyone was on the whole floor either.

You looked around, suddenly remembering how you were just crying here a few days ago. You wanted to kick yourself for it. How stupid.

Mark asked you to hold his cup as he turned the lights on and everything. The studio looked the same as you remembered except there were no loose pieces of papers or genius producers.

You took a sip, looking around some more.

“Okay, it’s good,” Mark announced after switching the last light on. He handed you a piece of paper with what looked like lyrics in it.

“Jet Lag?” you read.

“It’s a song we’ve been working on,” he said as he turned to you and smirked. “And I think that’s my coffee you’re drinking.”

Your eyes widened. You pulled the straw from your mouth so fast that a few drops spilled down your chin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize,” you said, trying to wipe your face which was a challenge considering you were holding something on each hand.

Mark laughed, taking both cups from you and placing them on the table. “It’s okay.”

“I wondered why it suddenly tasted vanilla,” you said.

“At least I’m not drinking something from hell,” he retorted. He pulled his jacket sleeve to cover his hand and used it to wipe the droplets of coffee on your chin that you weren’t able to get.

“Thanks,” you muttered before clearing your throat and looking away.

“You look tired,” he said.

You shook your head. “I’m okay. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately, but I’m okay.”

Mark’s face filled with worry. You realized he must have taken what you said differently.

“It’s because of work!” you added hastily. “Just work. Nothing else. Things are just hectic for the newbies.”

He nodded hesitantly. “Didn’t they offer you a job here?”

“They did. I was actually here last week and they offered me a position again, but I didn’t take it.”

He frowned. “Why not? I thought you loved the dynamic of the team upstairs.”

“I do. But–” You sighed. “I hate this place.”

“Why?” Mark asked, his voice little.

You shrugged. “Because,” you said, “it has stolen so much from me.” You forced yourself to look at him.

Through all that time you’ve been together, you realized you took advantage of how he made you feel. You got used to the butterflies in your stomach, the feeling of security, warmth, and comfort that his presence brought you. You didn’t realize how much it changed you until you lost it all.

Looking at him and knowing you lost so much more than just a boyfriend, you just wanted to break down.

“... Including you,” you let out, your voice almost a whisper.

Mark bit his lip. He looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it. You, on the other hand, don’t have that amount of self-control right now. You were feeling the same surge of emotions you had when you two broke up. You knew you had to let it out.

“Look,” you said. “I don’t know what you wanted to talk to me about. I actually didn’t think you still have anything to say after... you know. But I do, and I know I won’t have the nerve to say it if I don’t do it now. So I’ll start.”

He nodded his head in encouragement.

You took a deep breath before speaking. There’s a great possibility that this would just make everything worse, but you figured you haven’t taken a lot of risks lately. And this was one you were more than willing to take.

“I know you love your job, and I know how much this all means to you. I never wanted you to choose between that or me because I know I don’t stand a chance. But that’s okay. I understood that. I knew I would never be first priority. But God, it hurt when you didn’t even have to think twice about it anymore. It hurt so much hearing you say you’re tired of us, that you wanted to end it. And honestly, I’m still learning to deal with that pain.” Your voice cracked. “So if you’re gonna say something just to break me again, please just... don’t. I’m so tired, Mark, and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”

“Hey. No. Don’t cry,” Mark said, an edge of panic in his voice. He moved closer to wipe the tears away from your face but you moved back.

“Don’t touch me, please.” You closed your eyes, turning away from him.

“Y/N,” he said softly. Helpless.

“God, I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have come here. This is exactly why I didn’t take the job. There’s just too much of you in here. And I can’t be reminded of what I lost everyday.” You tried wiping the tears from your eyes but they just kept on coming. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.”

You turned to leave, but Mark was fast. He was already at the door before you could take two steps, his body blocking the way. “You’re not going anywhere until you’ve heard what I have to say.”

You sighed, exhausted. “Please just move.”

He didn’t. “Please just listen.”

You tried to push past him but it was no use. He wasn’t the biggest but he was definitely stronger than you are. And he wasn’t emotionally crumbling inside. Yet.

“Please,” you cried.

Mark stopped fighting as he heard you sob. He sighed and moved away from the door.

You didn’t meet his eyes as you opened the door, ready to leave. Maybe after tonight, you thought, I’ll finally come to my senses and move on. Maybe I could finally learn how to leave all this behind me. Maybe I’ll start healing myself. Maybe—

“I still love you,” Mark’s voice echoed through the empty room, stopping you in your tracks already halfway out the door.

Your head spun as you turned around and let out a shaky breath. “What do you want from me, Mark?” You leaned against the door frame to steady yourself, afraid how easily you might fall.

“I still love you, Y/N,” he repeated. “I’m still so deeply, crazily, unconditionally in love with you. And I hate that it took losing you to realize how much you mean to me. I know I messed up. I’m so sorry. I understand if you’re just going to ignore everything I say tonight, I deserve it. But it’s really important that you hear it.”

You sighed, your emotions as fragile as glass at the moment. “Mark Lee, I swear to God if you’re just messing with me, I will completely cut you out of my life.”

“This isn’t a joke!” You could tell he was getting frustrated too.

He took something from his pocket and handed it to you. It was the Chinese elephant keyring you gave him the day you broke up. You frowned at the tiny thing.

“You said that it was a lucky charm.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“It didn’t work,” he said bluntly. “Ever since we broke up, I have this empty feeling inside me, like I just lost a part of myself. I thought it was normal, I mean, I did lose you. I thought it was gonna’ go away with time. But days passed, and then weeks, and then a month... I realized it won’t, because I miss you. It felt like all my luck in the world had ran out.”

You eyed him carefully. “You’re being corny,” you muttered.

“Y/N this is serious!” he whined.

You decided to shut up when you realized he was hanging on edge. You could tell he was close to breaking, too, and you didn’t know if you were ready to handle that just yet.

“I miss you asking me how I was, where I am, whether I have eaten or not. I miss telling you to dress warmly, to be careful, to always be safe. I miss sneaking out of rehearsals to call you because even just those few minutes of hearing your voice could get me through the day. I miss getting home late and risking my managers getting mad but thinking it’s worth it cause I got to spend time with you. I miss holding your hand and going on walks. I even miss your death drink of a coffee.

“I miss everything about you. Then one day I got so scared when I realized I couldn’t imagine not doing all those things with you again. I hate myself for hurting you, for making you cry. I hate that I let you go. I’m really sorry. I know I don’t deserve you and this apology might be a bit too late. But—” He swallowed as a single drop of tear escaped from his eye. “If you take me back, I promise to work hard to be the person who deserves to love you.”

Your vision blurred from the tears. You didn’t realize your cheeks were wet again. Now, he’s crying, too. He rarely does, but when it happens, it’s like watching the world end before your eyes. It’s so obvious how he crumbles that all you want to do is wrap him in your arms and tell him it’s going to be okay. But not now.

“You can’t just break up with me and ask to get back together whenever you want,” you said. “I love you so much, but what happens if we give this a try again? Let’s face it. We’ll get tired. Nothing will change with your schedules and mine will only get busier. What happens then? Will you just bail on me again and come back when it’s convenient?”

“No, of course not. I promise.”

“You don’t know that!” You raised your voice, choking back a sob. “Eight months ago, you told me for the first time that you love me. You promised you will never get tired of saying it. You said let’s just take that feeling and run away with it. But look where we are now. Promises don’t mean anything anymore. I’ve lost faith in them.”

“But this is different,” he argued. “I’ve learned the feeling of losing you. It hurts more than I can take. I don’t want to lose you again, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to lose you again either, but…”

Mark shook his head lightly before closing the gap between the two of you. He planted his lips softly against yours, but still harsh enough to take you by surprise. It took you a while to react before melting in his arms, giving in. One of his hands was holding the small of your back, pulling you closer against him as he deepened the kiss.

He tasted like vanilla and coffee and tears, but the feel of his lips was exactly how you remembered it, and God it’s crazy how much you missed it. When he pulled away, both of you were breathless.

Your cheeks heat up. Your knees felt like jelly and your whole stomach was in shambles. It’s crazy how this is still his effect on you.

“You won’t lose me,” he said softly as his forehead rested against yours. “Not again. No promises, fine, but take a risk with me again because I can’t imagine not being with you anymore. Heck, I’d spend the rest of my life with you if I can.”

Your eyes widened. “Is that a proposal?”

“What, no. I mean—what? It wasn’t—I’m not... I... I just—” he stammered.

“Relax, I’m kidding.” You laughed. But somehow, you found comfort in hearing him say those words. 

“So are we back together?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Maybe, but if you leave me again, I swear I will shave those seagull eyebrows off. I don’t care what your stylist says.”

“You won’t have to. Trust me,” he said cheekily. “If I knew you just needed a kiss, I would’ve done it much earlier. Saved us from all that crying.” He laughed. He looked brighter somehow.

You punched him lightly in the stomach. “I am not that easy.”

He groaned. “I was kidding!”

You rolled my eyes. “God, I hate how much I love you. It’s sickening.”

“I love how much I love you.” He smiled.

“Dork.” You frowned. He just laughed again.

Mark planted a soft kiss on your forehead, your eyes fluttering close.

“Remind me to thank Hyuck later,” he said.

“Right! This was all his fault,” you remembered. Hyuck has always been the one helping the two of you fix whatever goes wrong in your relationship. He went out of his way on this one, and you couldn’t be more thankful. You guess he cares a lot about Mark to do all this for is friend.

“I’ll take you home? It’s getting late for real.” Mark held his hand out. This time, you took it. No hesitations. Your fingers interlaced with each other like perfect puzzle pieces.

You came out tonight thinking it would go much differently than it did. Funny how fast things change. You almost ran out on him twice today. You don’t know what would’ve happened if he didn’t stop you. Probably not this.

“If we hurry up, we could still catch the last bus,” you said.

“Or we could just walk,” Mark said.

“Or we could just walk,” you agreed.

You wouldn’t walk all the way home, of course. You’d probably be taking a cab before even getting halfway there, but the point is, you’re back where you left off. Here you are again, wishing for roads to be longer and time to be slower. You have everything you could ever ask for.

You heard something jingling as you walked. You searched your pockets to find that it was the elephant keyring. You handed it back to Mark. It was his lucky charm after all.

“I guess it’s working now,” he said. “Maybe my luck hasn’t totally ran out yet. I got you back.”

You smiled. “I guess it hasn’t.”

-끝-

[valkerymillenia]

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 8

Once again- live blogging my thoughts and reactions in one post to avoid spamming.

So this is how the FBI gets their hands on Vanya, huh? Seems most fan theories were wrong.

Oh, Sissy's last name is Cooper!

I did wonder about that -how did remember her name despite forgetting everything else? If she knew her name then she should have been able to remember other little fragments.

Of course the feds focus on the fact that her name is Russian. Cold war bullshit. I guess they think she's a spy or since Russian sleeper soldier or something.

"I'm not Russian" -you kinda are though 😅 Tatiana was Russian and gave birth to you in Moscow sooo...

DID VANYA JUST SPEAK RUSSIAN?!

Is that one of the 7 languages that Reggie all the siblings or....? Does it... Does it have something to do with her powers or her birth place?

"simple-minded boy"? FUCK YOU.😠

"communist threat" there it is 🙄

Oh no, she's losing her cool. Here come the powers... I keep wondering how she does that 'sucking the life' out of someone thing. 🤔

That's a lot of puke.

Poor Five, he's starting to crack under the stress.

Why is Ben gagging? He's dead, he shouldn't be able to feel or smell the puke.

Loving Robert's real curls starting to show.

"I regret nothing" -hmm.... Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

"there's a giant dead white boy on my couch" 😆

"Oh, I see. It's gonna be one of those kind of nights, huh? So are we burning or burying?" -this is why I love Klaus! He doesn't even flinch, he doesn't care what happened, he doesn't ask, he just immediately decides that he's going to help his sister get rid of a dead body like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Although, it would be interesting if Klaus actual saw the Swede ghosts too. I just want Klaus to be seeing ghosts everywhere again, ok? I want that struggle from season 1 to be brought back and not swept under the rug for plot convenience. As a writer, if you make something an important character trait, you stick with it and they haven't done that with Klaus, they are half-assing his struggle with his powers.

It's the Swede really going to...? Oh good, saved by the cat.

Oh! So that's what "lavender" means! I was right, it was the perfume, it was probably obvious but I'm a little dumb.

Ah! Lila is trying to hire Diego for the Commission???

Diego is so confused.

"colorful history" sounds so wrong and sexual 😣

Diego is so full of bullshit. His loyalties absolutely lie with his family, he's just too defensive to admit it.

Reginald FRAMED Pogo's family drawing? So he's a better dad to the chimp than his own kids, huh?

THE TELEVATOR!!!!!!! PLANS FOR THE TELEVATOR!!!! I love comic references, please tell me we'll see a real televator in the show!

So Reggie really is planning something about JFK...

"are you involved in something nefarious?" "Quite often. Did you have something more specific in mind?" -at least he owns it 😆

"shaggy man" -ah! Poor Diego!

Reggie really loves this Grace, huh? But she has a point.

Five is losing it a bit, huh?

The baby powder 🤣

"I have to find myself" -RIGHT! I was wondering when this would come up! Old!Five was there for the JFK thing so Five just has to find his old self and his briefcase in order to correct all this mess. More comic references!

"arguably the most dangerous assassin in the time-space continuum" -DAMN RIGHT 💯

"paradox psychosis" 🤣I know it's supposed to be super serious but the symptoms are so funny...

"a spotter? What is that? Like a wingman?" 😆 This parallels that "Body man? What's that? Like a masseuse?" line in s02e02 where Five is the confused one.

Five, do you really think your brother can stop you if you spiral? Because I don't.

Luther doesn't have a great attention span, does he?

Harlan's drawing is interesting... I get a feeling it's important.

Shit, they are torturing Vanya!! This is so bad!

LSD? LSD?????? No, that's a terrible idea with her powers!!!

Eeeewwwww the eyeballs! 👁️

That's a hell of a bad trip... The way the music makes with the visuals reminds me of my synesthesia though.

Oh! So this is where the scene of all the adult siblings in the Academy uniforms is from!!! (I remember someone saying it was Diego dreaming of having a drugged hallucination in the asylum, they were pretty close! It's Vanya drugged by the FBI instead!)

"I get you" -that is not the face of a person that gets this at all, Luther!

"Don't freak out." -like that ever worked 😆

Lila trying to have her cake and eat it too with her mom and Diego.

That informational video 🤣🤣🤣

Free coffee! Weekly donuts* (*fees apply)! Wow, so tempting 😒

"whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity (...)" 😆

Are the Fives just having a staring contest? 🤣🤣

Ah! How can Five be bitchy and aggressive to HIMSELF 😆

"all those years on the apocalypse, we never stopped working about our family." -why does Luther look so damn surprised to hear this?? Why the hell does he think Five is doing so this for?!

Wow, Five is really bitter about his body, isn't he? He's making old!Five so nervous 😅

Oops, there's stage 4 for old!Five!

And there's stage 3 as well and stages 5 and 6 for little!Five.

I get a feeling Five doesn't really have the accurate calculations, he's just lying and using the originals.

"I don't trust him!" -he's... He's you...14 days ago! How do you not trust yourself?

"but he's you" "exactly" 🤣🤣🤣

I'm so afraid how what Diego is going to do. I get a feeling hell fuck up trying to be a misguided hero again...

"I'm Diego. I have a knife." 😆

"it's very shiny" 🤣

So Diego is a legend, huh? 😏

"there's been a coup d'etat" "what's that? Cadillac?" -don't play dumb, Diego, I don't believe for a single second that you don't know what a coup is.

So the new apocalypse WAS Vanya's fault but by proxy (actually more the FBI's fault), she was just a small domino. So literally the only one that didn't actively do anything to impact the timeline ends up being the one doing the most damage (again)? PLOT TWIST!

Oh no, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT YOUR SISTER, DIEGO! YOU SAW HOW BADLY THAT ENDED LAST TIME!

No, I refuse to believe "she will always be the bomb" 😠😠😠😠

LOL, hi, Dot!

NO! LUTHER, YOU MORON! DON'T GIVE HIM ALL THAT INFO! YOU'LL CHANGE EVERYTHING AND CEASE TO EXIST!!!

These dumb siblings exhaust me

"little jerk-off" -why are you insulting yourself, you weirdo? 😆

Old!Five with all the PP symptoms and yet he says he never felt better in his life 🤣

"you're getting paranoid" -you both are, and sweaty, itchy and gassy. All that's missing is the homicidal rage at this point 😅

Vanya's hallucination shows us a twisted paranoid view she has of her siblings and it's very interesting:

-Ben is protective, defends her, he can do no harm, probably because he died young so nostalgia blurs her memory of him

-Allison defends her but is also arrogant and condescending, speaking as if she's implying that Vanya is weak, probably because Vanya feels that Allison is perfect and has an inferiority complex

-Luther is just as arrogant and looks down her, calling her lazy, but does so without malice (more mockery than anger)

-Klaus is accusing and suspicious but still on the fence and excitable, probably reflecting Vanya's own doubts and how she herself sees Klaus

-Five just stares, judging and silent but unable to look away, probably because she trusts him but she also doesn't know him, there's the same nostalgia effect as Ben but because Five came back (to stop her) the inferiority and fear of judgement is still there

-Diego is completely different, awkward and detached, this one is the most interesting because he's one of the people that was most vocal and mean against her in season 1 but apparently she sees a kindred spirit in him to an extent, either that or she fears she means nothing to him

Maybe I'm overanalyzing again...

I totally predicted the dishes would be brains but it's still gross.

Ew, the chewing... 😫 It's giving me the creeps.

Why is she seeing Harlan's drawing? She was gone already when he made that particular drawing (I knew it would be important), is she connected to him now??

And how does she remember her own birth??

Holy shit, Harlan is feeling Vanya's pain!!!😲😲😲

"why are people so much heavier when they're dead?" "You got a lot of practice at this?" 😅

Ben and Klaus conversation actually makes me feel a bit better about the possession but it makes no sense at all 🤣

Poor Ray keeps meeting in-laws in the weirdest situations 🤣🤣🤣🤣 his face! 🤝

Ray is having a nervous breakdown 😣 poor guy...

The moment Lila notices Diego is missing, the intercom chimes "Loyalty isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle" and if that isn't foreshadowing for Lila choosing sides then I don't know what is.

This is a really painful way for Vanya to recover her memories but it's so well done!

Holy shit... 😳

Klaus asking the real question here. She's being tortured, Klaus, go help!!!

HOLY SHIT! HARLAN HAS VANYA'S POWERS NOW?!

No, no, no,no, no, no nononononono! This is so bad! A child with a disorder that makes emotions hard to regulate suddenly having an apocalyptic level of power that connects directly to emotion is just a recipe for disaster!

[rivkalashnik]

dishonorabletask01: a deep deep dive 

Describe your character in a few words.

Sociable, impulsive Ukrainian tries her best 2 survive. 

What do you know about your character that they don’t know yet?

Rivkele thinks she can kill someone else to save her life with no problem-- a Flores, in this case, according to the deal. If the terms are upheld. However, while she puts her own self-interest above others every day just by nature of her passive participation in the mob’s workings, she’s never willingly taken a life with her own hands in order to better hers. The distinction is a thin line but a real one, and she’s going to find herself a lot more morally conflicted than she anticipates, I think. 

What are your character’s major flaws?

Her lack of self-control and her fear. 

What would your character give their life for?

Almost nothing-- she’s a fighter, tooth-and-nail, to the point where self-sacrifice isn’t a viable option. The only situation I could think that would even come close would be if someone was holding a random innocent child at gunpoint and made her choose between her or the kid. And even then, in the back of her mind she’d be certain that the kid was in on it and it was all a setup. 

What is your character’s greatest asset?

Her mind-- she’s sharp as a tack. And an associated asset would be her open-mindedness. Everybody’s got flaws, and she knows that, so she’s willing to get to know people from varied walks of life. 

What would completely break your character?

Good question, good question. I think-- if she finally does manage to kill a Flores and it turns out that the whole thing was pointless and she can’t get out of the mob even then. 

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

Usually, what you see is what you get with Riv-- although in situations with new people, she tends to try to appear more apathetic than she actually is. 

What is your character afraid of?

The main two would be being tortured & being trafficked. 

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale?

She doesn’t purposefully try to be rude but it sometimes does happen if she can’t control her brain-to-mouth filter, so I’d put her at a 6/10 leaning towards rude, but usually non-intentionally. 

If your character could choose a different identity, who would they pick?

I don’t think she would-- though maybe herself, but with a few adjustments. 

In what or whom is your character’s greatest faith in?

I think her greatest faith is in her own resilience. 

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

When she was still on top of her game, she owned her own apartment-- owned, not rented-- that actually had a bedroom instead of just being a studio. It had a giant window, and wasn’t on the first floor, and hardwood floors. And for a span of about eight months she also had a dog, a huge black Newfoundland named Andrei. She loved that dog. She had to sell the him, and the apartment, but they were the best things in her life at one point. 

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

Essentially, everything that has happened since she had to sell her dog. 

What is your character’s biggest nightmare?

Anybody finding out what she’s been tempted to do re: the Flores family. 

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

She remembers exactly which floorboards creaked in her house when she was growing up; she remembers the first song that was playing in the background when she won her first big pot (Fergalicious, from the tinny overhead speakers); she remembers the exact feeling of air on her face when biking down the big hill outside her house when she was a kid. 

What is your character’s secret wish?

Her secret wish would be to go back and re-do the last half of her life again so she wouldn’t be one foot in the grave before she finally has some measure of freedom again. 

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Winning when the odds are against her. In general. 

What is your character’s deepest regret?

That she never kept in contact with her older sister. 

What is your character’s deepest disappointment?

That she’s 38 years old and her life still continues to suck, on the whole. 

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

She doesn’t ever want to admit why she works for the mob, especially to other people in the mob, because she’s worried they’ll think she’ll turn out to be a traitor (especially because they’re not technically wrong??). Her allegiance is out of necessity and not loyalty, which she always avoids mentioning.

What is your character hiding from themselves?

I think deep down she wants to find people she can genuinely trust, but because that seems impossible, she buries it deep enough to pretend like she doesn’t care. On a separate note, she also struggles with guilt because she’s complicit in such shady dealings on a daily basis-- but also, she doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions, even though technically it’s her choice to continue participating in the mob’s nonsense. So I’d say she’s hiding from dealing with all of those paradoxical feelings just by... ignoring & burying them, again. 

What makes this character angry? What calms them?

Direct personal insults. If you try to belittle her, or try to pull one over on her like she’s an idiot, she will get pissed. Yelling usually calms her down, in that situation. She’ll eventually wear herself out. On a daily basis, though “calm” doesn’t really cross her mind except for maybe popping in some earbuds. 

List situations in which your character would not have control over themselves.

Too many to list.

How strong is your character’s emotions? Controllable? Uncontrollable?

They’re pretty strong; 8/10.

What wakes your character up in the middle of the night?

The guy in the apartment on top of hers doing jumping jacks at all hours of the night, or maybe sirens of police cars rushing down the street. Otherwise, she sleeps like a rock. 

Describe a recurring dream and/or nightmare.

She’s drowning and there’s absolutely nothing and no one nearby-- just dark black water as she sinks. 

Describe your character’s family.

She hasn’t talked to her mother or her sister in years, so it’d be difficult to describe them now. In her memories, her mother is perpetually frowning, which nicely balances out her sister Rina’s laugh. 

Name your character’s favourite person and why.

Father Patrick. He’s not at all what she would expect from a priest, which she finds terribly amusing. 

How many friends does your character have?

I don’t know that she would consider herself to have any friends. “Friends” is a loaded word that implies some loyalty and level of mutual truthfulness, and I don’t think she ever feels like she’s in a place where she can reach that level of real connection. But she’s friendly with many, many people. 

How many friends does your character want?

Again-- the general concept is asking a little too much of her, honestly. 

How would a friend or close relative describe your character?

Loud. Scrappy. Clever, yet also incredibly stupid. 

Who depends on your character? Why?

No one really depends on her? She’s pretty replaceable, in most regards. Which makes it even more annoying that they won’t just let her leave. 

Who does your character most want to please? Why? 

As obnoxious as it is to be worried about his opinion, she wants to make sure she doesn’t disappoint the Englishman. Among others. Just for her own safety’s sake. 

How does your character feel about sex? 

Sex is fun, but only with people she doesn’t know. 

How does your character feel about romantic relationships?

Ew. Then they have to deal with your problems, and you have to deal with their problems when you already have your own... she’ll pass on that. She’s not the romantic type anyway. 

If your character had to live in utter seclusion, what six items would they bring?

A warm blanket, a pack of playing cards, a pack of cigarettes, a fully-charged ipod mini, earbuds, and a bottle of vodka. 

What is your character’s most noticeable trait and most noticeable physical feature?

Her incredibly tight red curls. Just a massive amount of hair. 

How does your character feel about work?

Inescapable. Shrug emoji

Write one headcanon.

She was raised in a Jewish household, but as an adult, she isn’t super engaged in religion & she doesn’t keep kosher. 

Write one additional thing about your character.

Riv’s first languages were Ukrainian and Yiddish-- and Ukrainian is pretty close to German, enough that she can get by in a German conversation. She learned Russian in school so she’s pretty fluent in that. Her English skills are so-so; she won’t be able have a deep, philosophical conversation in it, though. 

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things That I Disliked ABout RvB: Singularity

(Top 5 Likes Post Link)

Well, it’s been about four months since RvB17 concluded. The shortest season in the series thus far, RvB17 has had overall very positive reception with good humor, compelling drama, and nice character development. I enjoyed it… but I would be lying if I said I loved it unconditionally. And I’d be lying even more if I said that it was better than the sadly often derided S16. The season has its pros and it has its cons, as every season of the show does. The cons this time probably annoy me more than some due to what I like and dislike, so that’s important to know before going further into this post.

So, it’s time for another Top 5 Likes/Dislikes about the recent RvB season! Now normally I do this shortly before the upcoming season, so why am I doing this now and not when RvB18 starts? Well, I’ve had a lot of these on my mind for a while, and after completing a recent rewatch, I want to go ahead and get it all out. To compensate, when RvB18 does roll around I’ll likely do a post about the past three seasons, and maybe some other stuff like what I’d like to see. And of course, as always, this is just my opinion and I will be as fair as possible, so take everything that I say with a grain of salt.

Anyways, let's get the part that I always hate doing done first: the Top 5 Dislikes.

                           _______________________________

I hate being negative. I really, really do. Overall, S17 was a very enjoyable season and I liked it in spite of its flaws, as I do with most media that I get into. But I do have issues, more so than I did 15 and 16, and I do want to talk about them. Most of you who’s followed my blog probably already know them, but I’m gonna try to be more detailed about why I disliked it. So we’ll start with something nit-picky, and work our way up. So let's get started with...

#5. Execution of the time travel/The Everwhen

This one is probably the most minor, but the whole thing just… confuses me. So for those unaware, the Everwhen is essentially a giant time portal that allows you to possess your past self at any point in time. This is… not a bad concept at all. It’s a really cool one and they use it to great effect by going to various points in the show’s history. Then using the past variations of Halo also makes us more invested since we recognize those periods. And while I wish we got to see more moments in those periods that we didn’t see, the few that we got in Episode 5 with Wash and Carolina was very well done. I only have two real issues with the Everwhen. First being an excuse for the mass amount of nostalgia banking, but at least it served a purpose… well, the Freelancers did. The Mercs were totally unnecessary. But that can easily just be a me thing and I get that it made a lot of fans happy, so I won’t harp on it. The other reason though is the reason why it made this list.

The execution is confusing as Hell when you really think about it.

First, how does this exist? I guess we’re supposed to believe that Chrovos made it, which I guess that I can buy. But aside from a line in Episode 1 about how the Reds and Blues time period was the backswing that caused the paradox, there isn’t really anything about how this gateway suddenly exists. Which presents another problem, the Reds and Blues inside it. Okay, so the paradox happened and it messed their memories up. That I understand… but why are they having deja vu in the past?! Shouldn’t they have been like Wash was? In some period where they did and didn’t break time? I get that they were in the middle of the paradox while Wash had been in the present, but in that case, how did they get knocked back to the past? At first, I assumed that Chrovos put them there, which would have made sense in order to keep them out of the way. But that’s never said. The implication is that they just got put there randomly, but because of Wash’s state, it really doesn't make any sense for them to be there.

But I think I get why it was like this. On The SHizno Podcast, Jason explained how the original pitch was that the Reds and Blues were going to be in a simulation of Blood Gulch that Chrovos put them in. Think S9 when Epsilon was in the Memory Unit… which it being too similar is one of the reasons why that plan got rejected. It probably explains why they used Halo 2 Anniversary in the S16 finale if the simulation plan was still in effect when Joe wrote it. But that would explain why they were in the past and having memory issues while Wash wasn’t. And it being a simulation is what I thought it was... until Huggins was able to move through it without going through the portal, which made everything even more confusing. As much as I get being too similar to S9, I can’t but feel that it would have been the better move and not given me a headache over how this stupid Everwhen worked. Because it being a simulation and not the actual timeline made a heck of a lot more sense.

Ultimately, this is Number 5 because as I said, it’s nitpicky. Time travel is a mess no matter how it’s utilized, so I’m pretty lenient on it because thinking about it too hard is painful and not worth it. Plus it may just be my own stupidity confusing me. Still, it DID bother me and it made Episodes 7 and 8 especially a pain in the ass to watch through. But since again it’s overall more nitpicky, I’ll leave it at Number 5.

                           _______________________________

#4: The Simmons Labyrinth

Yeah, we all knew that this was going to be on here.  What’s left to be said that I haven’t talked about already? I think we all know why this was hated. First, it isn’t funny. I mean don’t get me wrong, the delivery of the joke was fine, but the joke itself sucked and made no sense for Simmons’ character. Say what you want about Grif’s Labyrinth, whether you saw it as good or terrible, but at least it made sense for his character. Simmons… is afraid of aliens cutting off his private parts. I’m…. fairly sure that RvB has done a joke like that before, and it was likely better there. Plus it didn't fit the tone. All the Labyrinths, even Grif’s, were portrayed as either serious or at least uncomfortable for the victim. I guess they wanted something to lighten the mood, but… it failed. Badly. It just took me out of it until we got back to Carolina’s. Even knowing Jason’s original plan of the alien being Simmons dad, while that would have been more impactful, still would have been treated as the final cut was and still would have taken me out of it.

What could have been done instead? IDK. Could have had Simmons relive one of his many embarrassments in high school. Could have been focused on the test anxiety that made him fail and get shipped off to Red Boot Camp. It could have been one of the many traumas that his dad inflicted on him, like being forced on the women’s volleyball team or something. All of those are still lighter than some of the other Labyrinths and could have had a comedic edge, but it still tells us something about Simmons and would make sense for him. I… am still trying to figure out how what we got fits Simmons at all or tells us anything about him. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. 

The reason that this is Number 4 is because the scene was ultimately brief and Simmons didn’t exactly have a major role up to that point. It was incredibly stupid and not funny, but IDT it ruined his character or anything. Plus at this point, I and many others have gone on about it and there is really nothing left to say until we see what happens in the future. Jason seems to be aware of the critiques, and I imagine that others behind the show would also be aware by now. Maybe it'll be taken into account in future seasons and they’ll finally give Simmons the attention that he deserves.

                           _______________________________

#3. Huggins

Ho boy, I’ve been waiting to let this out since the season ended. So for those who were reading my blog when S16 was airing, you know that Huggins was one of my favorite parts of said season. She was likable and fun, her friendship with Grif was adorable and helped his character massively, and she was just a bundle of joy who made me smile every time that we saw her. Her death, while I knew even then it was likely a fakeout, was a huge shock and had me praying that it being a fakeout was correct. Which it was! I was so happy… until we saw how she was actually handled this season.

Personality-wise, Huggins was fine. Her being able to go through time made sense and was even referenced in S16. But… well, she’s used to discovering that Black Holes lead to the beginning of time, goes through time to find the paradoxes that Genkins made, and… that’s it. In other words, Huggins was nothing but a damn plot device. I have a problem with character shafting, but this one was just unfair. Maybe Jason couldn’t think of anything else to do with her? Maybe her VA wasn't available for much? Maybe they didn’t have the budget to animate since Miles did say that they had a slightly smaller budget at RTX? IDK. There’s any number of reasons why, but it was annoying nevertheless. I mean Huggins only appeared in THREE EPISODES, and the first was only at the very end. After Episode 8, she just… disappeared.

There’s a lot of reasons why I hated this. First, just dropping a character like that despite her clearly being important and prominent is an insult to the character. I have issues with how the Reds and Blues were shafted aside from Donut, Wash, and Carolina, but at least they were still around. Huggins leaves to go find paradoxes in Episode 8 and then is gone. Last we hear of her is in the finale from Donut. But the bigger issue is that, if you remember, she was understandably angry at Grif for deciding to go with the plan to save Wash, even though he knew what would happen. It happened and… there’s zero reconciliation. None. Yes, Grif was happy to see her. Yes, he clearly felt remorseful. Yes, he did apologize. But Huggins never really forgave him, saying that she can't be mad at him at the moment because of the larger picture. But it was pretty clear that, while not enraged, she was still unhappy with him… and they don’t allow the two to talk? At all?! After everything in S16, we couldn’t get closure on that?! Really?!

That was what pissed me off. It pissed me off for Grif’s character, but trust me I’ll be going more into that shortly. But for Huggins, it pretty much just says ‘yeah, we are only bringing this character back for exposition and nothing more’. I know many hated S16, but Huggins was easily one of the factors that people enjoyed. I enjoyed it. As I said, her and Grif’s relationship was easily my favorite part of it and I still enjoy rewatching all of their interactions. IDK if she’ll be back in later seasons. I really hope so because, at the very least, she and Grif should reconcile. But even so, she deserved better than what she got. She was a good character, and she deserved better than what she got. I shouldn't be wondering if her remaining dead would have been a better alternative afterwards. I really shouldn’t. So… hopefully future seasons can maybe fix things, but for now, this remains a major problem for me.

                             _______________________________

#2. Grif Character Shafting

In general, Season 17 had a BAD case of character shafting. Now it’s a huge ensemble cast, so not everyone is going to be able to get attention. I wasn’t that upset that characters like Sarge, Caboose, and Simmons (even if that doesn’t excuse his Labyrinth) not getting much attention because they had already been more lowkey in this story arc. I didn’t mind it with Tucker wither since he got PLENTY of attention with Chorus. Hell, I honestly wish that they kept Wash and Carolina more lowkey because they ALWAYS get the majority of the focus, but for S17’s story it’s understandable why they would so I can forgive it. But you should probably NOT shaft a character who has been one of the central focuses in an ongoing story arc and still had a ton of character development that had to be wrapped up.

You know… like Grif.

Yeah, I won’t lie. While I thought that Grif acted IC and everything… they really dropped the ball with him. I wouldn’t mind that much had S15 and 16 not happened. Those are two seasons that gave Grif a ton of character development. He was essentially the main protagonist in S16, the one most involved in the plot despite how much he tried not to, and began resolving his issues. He went from doing everything in his power to avoid the plot, to openly confronting it and even rejecting the pizza that he had wanted so bad. He was the only one who knew what was about to happen after openly being mocked by Genkins, and despite his best efforts, he failed to stop it…

...and this got aBSOLUTELY NO FOLLOW UP? WHAT THE HELL?! THat’s like if, after Season 11, Tucker acted like none of the events during S11 affected him and didn’t grow as a leader and a soldier. It would come off as super weird since 12 followed the aftermath of S11 and would have been a huge disservice to the character and his development. That’s how it felt here with Grif. At first, it looked like they may show stuff since Grif DID believe Donut at first. But he had to ignore it since Donut isn’t allowed to be listened to. When he got his memory back, everything should have been hitting him then and there. There should have been more anger and probably some guilt about how even when he tried, he still failed and now they have even more bullshit to deal with. But they just… bizarrely ignore it.

I wouldn’t say that Grif regressed, but the fact that there is NO follow-up to his development in a storyline that allowed said development to begin with is a disservice. I get it, they only had 12 episodes and Donut and Wash were the more important. I understand that. And hey, S18 could follow up on it. But there still should have been something. Maybe the reveal about him lying about the enlistment was supposed to be that. Which I did like that… but that was not enough imo. He didn’t reconcile with Huggins. There’s no follow-up about how he failed to stop the paradox. Even for someone as lazy as Grif, we should still be seeing some emotions there. His Labyrinth, while I ultimately don’t hate it and I do see how it can apply to his character, probably should have been something stronger like being stuck back on Iris with the volleyballs mocking him or something.

Character shafting does have to happen in an ensemble cast. But Grif should NOT have been one of them. IDK how they could have incorporated him better while still keeping everything intact, but it’s still frustrating. Again, maybe S18 can provide something. I hope that at least Grif is allowed to reconcile with Huggins and realize that he should actually talk about his issues because I do think that his scene with Kai was an important moment for him. Whether you like to hate the retcon, it makes sense for his character to run away and he’s actually offering to talk about it. Okay, it’s more for Kai’s sake than his own, but he’s still willing to talk about his feelings, which is not something that I could have seen him done without his S15 and 16 development. Hence why I think that is S18 has him be more willing to talk to say Kai or Simmons and about how much S15 and 16 really did affect him instead of trying to brush it aside by calling himself hateglue, he can have a complete character arc. But as far as S17 goes, there’s no excuse for it and was a big problem for me.

                           _______________________________

Honorable Mentions

 Aka, the things that annoyed me, but not by much or I didn’t feel were bad enough to add onto the list.

Tucker not taking responsibility/talking to Wash: It was his idea to go and save Wash despite knowing the consequences, so he’s as guilty as Carolina imo. There should have been more focus on that, and about him reconciling with Wash and accepting what had to happen. The fact that they had zero interaction was bizarre tbh. But it isn’t as big of a deal as other things, so I kept it off. Consider this Number 6.

Character shafting: I hated it, and everyone outside Donut, Wash, and Carolina felt wasted. But it’s already a huge cast, so it was bound to happen and Grif’s was the one that manly pissed me off. So I spared it.

Nostalgia banking: That’s a me thing, so I didn’t feel it was fair to add it, especially since it overall did serve a purpose.

Carolina guilt trips need to die: I forgive it here because it worked for the story and was well executed. But... writers, you’ve done Carolina guilt trips since at least S10. It’s lazy and boring now. Come up with something new for her. Let it die.

Donut being ignored: Mainly, I think they played it up too much. DOnut displayed no noteworthy flaws in this season, and pretty much everything revolved around him. On rewatch, this was annoying and made him seem better and more important than everyone else. That’s unfair. But after all the years where he got shit treatment, he earned it honestly, so I forgave it.

And that’s it! So onto Number One!

                          _______________________________

I thought long and hard about what Number One could be. Grif Shafting almost made it, but again the finale scene did actually make me happy. As such, I had only one real option left…

#1. The 12 Episode Count

Imo, this is I think the cause of many of the problems with S17 that I have. This should not have been a 12 episode season. 15 maybe, like last time. But not 12. Now there’s any number of reasons that they decided to go with that. Miles did say at RTX that they had a slightly smaller budget, so maybe they just simply couldn’t afford to do more than what they were able to do. Maybe they just thought that 12 episodes wrapped up the story and that there was no need to exceed that number or try to avoid stressing themselves and others out more. Production is hard and not cheap and you’re not going to be able to do everything that you want or even need to be able to do. As such, I’m not angry at them for deciding this since most likely, they had to work with what they had available.

That being said, it is still a problem. A 12 episode season has both its pros and its cons. With the pros, they were able to keep an overall steady pace and focus on what needed to be focused on without having to extend it or cram in filler. But the cons are you have to cram in as much as possible with limited time and put aside the things that aren’t as important. Grif wasn't as important as the other things. Huggins wasn't as important as the other things. They didn’t have time to elaborate on all the time travel, so they did as much as they could and then focus on the story. And Simmons Labyrinth was just a bad idea and would have still sucked even with a longer episode total, so nothing to say there.

My point is, while I do think that 12 episode seasons could work for RvB, they probably shouldn't have done it in the middle of a story arc. Again, they might not have had a choice, but it’s still an annoyance. The first half was fine and the best of the season. But the second half felt much more rushed and overstuffed. Episodes 7 and 8 shoved in exposition and it came across as more confusing than informing. Donut forgave everyone FAR too easily and it didn’t feel like they genuinely felt sorry after being called out. Which made the moment where he did call them out feel slightly less impactful. Only slightly, Then we rush through fixing the paradoxes and The Labyrinth within like four episodes, which when watching all the episodes together really makes it and the ending feel really anti-climactic. It’s like they shoved a ton of character stuff within like ten minutes, but we don’t get to explore it naturally. A problem that I think 15 episodes would have helped solve, but 12… it just… was not enough.

If they do go with 12 episodes again, I think it’ll work better since they’ll have a new story arc that they cal plan properly for. They didn’t have that luxury here. That, on top of Joe having to leave and Jason having to take over writing duties. Which is another annoyance. IDK the circumstances obviously and not to diminish Jason, but Joe should have been allowed to finish his own damn story, the fans' opinion on if he was good or not be damned. But again for all I know he chose to walk out, so I’m not going to go any further than that. Considering what they did have, the fact that they did make a good product is to be admired. But there’s still a lot of problems imo. Ones that I think that the episode count ultimately caused most of. As such, it is the thing that I dislike about RvB17 the most.

                            ______________________________

Again, this is only my opinion. There was a lot that I did like about RvB17, and when I write the Likes post I’ll gladly talk about them. That being said, I do think that this wasn't as good as 16 and IDC how many people think I’m insane for saying that. It had story issues, character issues, and the second half was ultimately just a mess. A fun mess, but still a mess. No, IDK how any of these could have been done better and IDT it’s so bad that it can’t be amended in later seasons. But overall, these issues did damper my enjoyment and things that I hope to see improved in the future.

Okay! Dislikes are done! Thank God! Now I can do the happy stuff! Hopefully, the Likes post will be ready in a few days. But thank you all for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed~

[toasttz]

From the Tabletop X

Shit yeah! I'm totally alive! It's not that our games stopped or anything (though our D&D GM was ready to throw it all at the wall, he has decided to soldier on). Just that I've gotten wrapped up in other things. Like, uh, GM'ing! Yeah, remember, like, a year ago when I started this series and mentioned I really like Shadowrun? We kicked off a Shadowrun 5e game! So, today's special 10th-ennial extravaganza will be Shadowrun talk time, or me at the opposite side of the table. To begin, our players' runners: Troppo - an Australian who ventured to Seattle in search of work once a military injury (several lost fingers) had him on a medical discharge. His role in the party is infiltrator. Which gives him license to trivialize otherwise-challenging moments in my campaign by stealth-killing all the enemies I made for them. Later ends up dating a Johnson after a particular run. Still active as of this writing. Then there's Big Iron - our street sammy. An ex-cop who was put on indefinite administrative leave when she became known as Knight Errant's personal walking PR disaster - effectively the sixth world's version of the Demolition Man. However, as part of the conditions of this arrangement, she had to be on-call when KE needed her for anything. She became a runner to make ends meet and kind of became the Team Mom. And lastly is Clockwork. Clockwork is a decker who runs hot or cold - either hyper-compotent and hacking the planet, or getting thwarted by an OSHA-compliant stairwell (not joking about this) with no inbetweens. Rare flashes of brilliance illuminated the short and underwhelming career of a runner who, as of the most recent update, was sent to the hospital because his overweight girlfriend sat on his face. As the GM, I refuse to issue apologies or excuses. Mostly because, God damn man, you could've done SO MUCH BETTER! Oh yeah, I realize there is a canon runner named Clockwork. Well, we didn't know that going into it, so he got to fly under the radar on that. If he had actually hung in there, I planned on having the canon Clockwork troll him at some point. So, to start, we're all new and Sixth World is out of reach at the time (and debuting late at our local shops), so I decide to pitch the classic: a Stuffer Shack run. Seattle, 2080, early nostril-freezing early January. Big Iron goes into said Stuffer Shack, getting herself some snacks and condoms (in order not to look "lame"). The boy at the counter sleepily rings her up, just in time for Troppo - Spider-Manning his way up to a rooftop in order to eye a gang of elves acting shifty outside the store. This leads to the first glitch of the game - the elves glitch in their attempt to notice Spider-Troppo. Elf 3: Whoa! Look! That pigeon is fat! Elf 4: Who cares?! Focus! Troppo: Troppo sits in silence to watch these crazy elves, taking only minor offense at being called a fat pigeon. One of the elves goes around the side to start hacking the security (which isn't exactly top-notch), and the other three enter and declare themselves the "Daggerbacks" - an elven supremacy movement looking to expand the glorious empire of Tir Tangaire (and sucking at it). Big Iron attempted to take the high road and offered them a chance to reconsider this terrible decision, but they scoff at the offer and a shootout ensues. This goes poorly for the elves (and would've gone worse for them, had I properly read about how this system handles damage! Shadowrun is a ruthlessly kill-y system!) as Big Iron sends the three scattering, one diving for cover, one wounded who slumps into a wall, and the leader with a baseball-sized hole in his torso, blown backwards into the store's front door. He is then grabbed by a colossal, Troll hand, which firmly affixes to his head, causing him to drop his firearm in defeat. The owner of the hand is Oscar, a former coworker of Big Iron who "just so happened to be in the neighborhood" at the time and lent a hand in arresting them. Oh yeah, and Clockwork traced their network activity and arrived at the scene in the nick of too late. Troppo ultimately intimidated their decker into absolute surrender, lifting a coupon for "SUSHI RAINBOW - NOW WITH REAL FISH!" and his deck off him in the process, causing him to flee - claiming to never really care about the Tir - without deck but with soiled pants. The firefight inside dies down not long after. Cashier: You shot it, you bought it! Big Iron: Now's not the time! By sheer coincidence, the other elves had SUSHI RAINBOW coupons on them as well - my subtle shove towards a meet-up place. Big Iron and Troppo meet en route, having established they did work together in the past. Before long, we were all together, meeting at SUSHI RAINBOW, its owners being Japanese immigrants, Yoshi and Rinko Watanabe and their gyaru daughter, Honoka. Since we were playing with few players than normally constitutes a full runner team, I made a few NPCs to help fill any niches that needed addressing. Honoka was a technomancer and had skills like auto mechanic and gunsmith. And, due to an amusing typo (AKA: Clockwork's persistent illiteracy), a new team of runners was born: "Hey, guys! Someone's biting my runner handle!" complained Friend Octopus. "You really need to change it, dude," Observed Radical Larry. "You're one to talk," sighed Sexy Penguin. "All of you, shut up and focus. This bomb isn't gonna defuse itself and if it goes off, we'll lose the entire shipment of irridium discs!" scolds their leader, Disco Panda. Anyways, back in Seattle, we learn Yoshi and Rinko are retired runners who still have contacts throughout the city. Rinko agrees to bring the runners on on a regular basis, provided they assist with a little issue that's been plaguing them for a while: The Silver Knives. A gang of over-the-hill mostly-mages, who are going around and harassing people as of late in the area. I learned many of the foibles of GMs that day. On account the first leg of the run (a shoot-up down a narrow corridor/alleyway) was trivialized by Troppo Spider-Troppo'ing down on them and assassinating them. For reference, I use the dice that came in the Sixth World Beginner's Box - cuz they're super cool - and these geezers were glitching left and right. So, having made complete work of that, the runners got to the main event - a raid on their warehouse compound (where they would be paid for each of the gang necklaces of each head they popped) and were assigned an NPC shaman, Fallen Snow, an Amerindian Shaman who had a... very special master spirit. I used Shark from the core book as the basis and... well... Go to Youtube, and search for "Lumpy Touch Movie Sonic". Once again, as GM, I never make apologies. Except in one run. But that was only half my fault. Fucking stairs, man. Not even once. Well, I underestimated them again and, though the gangers had a numbers advantage, Troppo and Fallen Snow were stealth/assassin builds and Clockwork was given the rival in the form of the 1337 H@X0R, an elderly, experienced hacker who was learning computers before the previous Great Crash, well up to 2080. Fallen Snow then reveals her spirit as Wendigo (full name: Wendigo of the North), who proceeds to beat the hell out of and then subsequently eats the gangers as they go. Now, a small excerpt from our game: "Snow thrusts her arms out to the side as she glows dimly, as two disproportionately long, clawed hands extend up, then out, landing on the ground and pushes up a lumbering, terrifyingly large spirit. Its head is clad in a goat's skull, but its eyes still seem to bulge and protrude from the sockets, as if they are being squeezed. It has a massive set of jaws and ever-convulsing skin that paradoxically seems to hang limp off the spirit's frame. "HEY GUIYS!" the spirit announces itself in an echoing, unearthly voice, "I'm STARVIN' over here!" “Jesus fuck, Snow,” Troppo says under his breath, without taking his eyes off the sprawling enemies. "Wendigo. By our contract. Kill the Silver Knives. Oh, and don't swallow their necklaces. We need those," Snow demands. "Does that mean... WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?!" the spirit cackles. Snow sighs, rolls her eyes, and replies, "Yes. You may eat them. Don't belabor the point. We're in a hurry and outnumbered," “Jesus FUCK, Snow,” Troppo repeats, with greater emphasis this time. Clockwork gasps "Holy shit" Snow rests her eyes for a moment with a sigh. "When gangers killed my family... my magical 'spark' ignited. And I screamed for anything that would give me revenge. And I summoned a Spirit of Hunger," "OH BOY OH BOY, YOU GUYS! It's like a buffet line! Sure, the meat's tough and been under the heat lamp too long, but there's SO MUCH TO TRY!" Wendigo guffaws as his legs manifest and he rises to his full height. After Clockwork used his gun to off a guy in meatspace, Wendigo even pried, "Are you gonna eat that?!" with a sadistic laugh. Clockwork won (narrowly), just in time for the BOSS FIGHT to stomp in - a cybered-up ork with raw strength to spare. When he threw Wendigo across the warehouse, even Big Iron strongly considered the better part of valor. Boss: Well, well, well... I go out for one night on the town with the missus and I come back to find everyone in my branch has kicked their damn oxygen habit... Troppo: Well, to be fair, it's a bad habit to have. Everyone who has it eventually ends up dead. Boss: Too true. Too true. Especially in this day and age. So, you busted up my joint. Least I can do is tell you my call sign. Y'er, uh, runners, yeah? You got call signs, I wager. Mine, when I was a young man, was Wrecking Ball Big Iron: GET SOME, GRANDAD! (Proceeds to open fire wildly). Wrecking Ball: (Dodges, much to the team's horror). The old way it is, then. This was not a fight I had any intention of making easy on them. Hell, I was even going to give them the chance to use social combat to escape. But Big Iron cast the first stone and thus, the battle was underway. But with a bit of teamwork - and a review of how armor works in the game - they were able to beat him - and obtain a specially ranked insignia off his necklace with a color ranking - a green jewel. Rinko paid the team handsomely. The team then got the chance to go back to SUSHI RAINBOW and rest a while. Not long after, I assigned their next run - in what would come to be known as the COFFEE RUN. Join us there as we also DRAW DICKS ON MUSEUM WALLS! And meet a SUPERHERO TEAM! See you there!

[ciestessde]

Phantasma Magica Ch. 8

STORY SUMMARY

Clockwork and the Observants send Danny to Hogwarts on a special mission. But, cryptic as ever, that Old Stopwatch never actually told him what would happen on it!!! “All you need to do right now, Daniel, is stay focused on your mission. And remember, the-” “‘The Lions with the time-turner, lightning-bolt scar, and hair like fire are friends; watch out for the rat; and the black dog is not a threat.’ Yeah, you’ve only repeated that a few dozen times today.”

Next ��� ← Previous (First)

When Danny arrived in Lupin’s office without the promised rat, well...

Sirius was furious. They now had essentially no way of finding Pettigrew -- except wandering around and hoping against hope that they spotted him.

Remus tried to calm him down. “He won’t have gone far. He has no reason to suspect Danny’s true motives. I’m sure he’ll turn up again-” “But for how long?! We had him! I KNEW I should’ve gotten him myself!” Danny floated down and let his feet touch the floor near the pacing Sirius. “I’m sorry. I can try to track him, but it’s hard to feel a living human soul under an animal’s mind.” Sirius stopped walking and spun to face him. His jaw tight, he growled, “I have a better idea.”

They spent several hours using Sirius’ dog nose and knowledge of the castle (helped by Danny’s invisibility) to search. But with no luck.

Still. The walk and passing of time helped calm Sirius a bit. After finishing by searching the castle grounds -- still with no luck -- they ended their search in the Shrieking Shack.

Defeated, Sirius changed back into a human and sat on the dilapidated excuse for a bed. “...” Danny floated there awkwardly. Remembering how he had almost attacked innocent Sirius in this room... “... I know there wasn’t much you could do.” Sirius head continued to hang -- he was looking at the news clipping he’d shown Danny. The one with the picture of “Scabbers.” “He knows this castle just as well as Moony and me. I just…” A shadow passed over his expression, but he looked up with a fire in his eyes. “I refuse to let that traitor go free. I don’t want go back to Azkaban -- you have no idea what being around that many of those things is like -- but I’d rather that than let Wormtail continue living like nothing happened.” His gaze softened, and his mouth thinned into a line. “That’s no excuse for taking it out on you, though, so… I’m sorry about that. We’ll just have to keep our eyes open for now.”

It had been a particularly long day for Danny, so, despite the sun being up, he decided to sleep in his makeshift bedroom in the Pipes. He had taken some pillows from the Divination classroom, a spare blanket from a closet -- and so on -- to form as cosey a resting area as he could manage in the damp space. Granted, the cold didn’t affect him (thankfully), but these things (the cushions especially) made it easier to relax.

“Scabbers” never showed up again, though, and the disappearance of his beloved pet had a rather unexpectedly drastic effect on Ron. As more and more time passed with no evidence as to what happened, he came to the most natural conclusion: “First the Firebolt, and now this! That bloody cat of yours ate him! He ATE SCABBERS!” If Danny didn’t know better, he probably would’ve agreed with Ron -- Crookshanks had shown a lot of interest in hunting the malnourished rodent, after all. But the extent to which Ron was blaming Hermione for his pet’s “death” was… actually mildly concerning. Danny excused most of Ron’s behaviour as raging hormones, but still… 

A part of him, a large part of him, wanted to tell them what actually happened -- that Scabbers was Pettigrew, that they had no reason to worry about Black anymore… -- But he just couldn’t risk it. If he told them, they’d act differently. And he had no way of knowing if or when Pettigrew might be watching. He couldn’t afford to tip him off. So instead... he let Ron mourn his rat.

Danny had been going with Harry to his anti-dementor lessons, regularly talking with Lupin about phantasms afterwards. The professor had decided to write a book about him. (No personal information, of course!) It was during one of these that Danny’s dislike -- bordering on hate -- of the wizards’ Ministry was solidified. “It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to suck out Sirius’ soul if they find him.” “-What?!” “It’s not that surprising, really. It’s one of the most extreme punishments for criminals -- but that’s the type of criminal they believe him to be.” “How are you so calm about this?!” “I assure you, I am not. But there’s not much more we can do about it than we already are doing. Sirius will just have to be extra careful not to get caught.”

Danny couldn’t argue with that. And besides, he had other things to distract him when he saw his friends the next morning. The teachers had finally satisfied themselves that Sirius’ anonymous present to Harry, the “Firebolt” broomstick, was safe. But while Harry was just excited to have his broom back (him and the entirety of the Gryffindor House, who seemed to think the Quidditch Cup was practically theirs because of it) -- Ron took this as yet more proof of Hermione being a terrible friend. “See, Hermione? There wasn’t anything wrong with it!” “Well -- there might have been!” Danny supposed Hermione’s arguing back didn’t help matters much… “I mean, at least you know now that it’s safe!” “Yeah, I suppose so,” was Harry’s response. ‘Oh wow. I hope I wasn’t this oblivious back when-’ He cut off that thought. There was no point in thinking about that now.

With Ron even more opposed to spending time with Hermione; and Harry thoroughly distracted by the Firebolt, his lessons with Lupin, and the upcoming Quidditch match against the Hufflepuff house… Danny decided to spend more time with Hermione. Hermione, who was secretly using a time-turner to time-travel and attend more classes than she should be able to, but was somehow now drowning in homework in the Gryffindor Common Room… … Danny was very confused.

He tapped her shoulder lightly before speaking so she’d know it was him. “Why don’t you just use the time-turner to get more rest?” he whispered. “What?!” She flinched. That was too loud. She checked to make sure no one noticed, then whispered, “How do you know about the time-turner?” “I was sent here by Clockwork, the Master of Time, remember? That thing is giving off faint time-aura from under your shirt. Although, I can probably only detect it because I’ve been around the stuff so much.” She was silent for a moment. “I’m supposed to avoid changing time as much as possible. Loads of wizards who’ve meddled with time have ended up killing their past or future selves by mistake! To use it for anything other than the absolutely essential is too risky! Professor McGonagall was very clear about the rules I was to follow in order to use it. It’s all part of her agreement with the Ministry.” Danny contained a snort of laughter. “Um… Actually… It’s more like the agreement they have with Clockwork.”

Hermione stopped writing in her notes. “I can personally guarantee that using the time-turner to, y’know… not go insane will be perfectly fine by my mentor.” “... Could we… Speak in private for a bit?” Danny thought he knew where this was going. “You want to know more about Clockwork and stuff?” “If that’s alright.” “I can share a little, anyway.”

Hermione packed up her schoolwork, and they moved to an abandoned classroom. “So the Ministry -- or someone at the Ministry -- knows Chron- I mean, Clockwork?!” “Well… Kind of. I’m not allowed to tell you much, but let’s just say that most of those deaths were actually Clockwork following the orders of HIS bosses. Time travel’s not all that dangerous, really.” “What about paradoxes?” “Things just split into a new timeline.” “Huh… So then, why all the rules?” “To keep humans from abusing the power. They -- Clockwork’s bosses -- don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen.”

There was silence for a few moments while Hermione thought. “Danny… You said Clockwork is your guardian.” “Yeah…” It wasn’t a question. “I’m, uh… Not a normal phantasm…” Hermione winced. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” “No, it’s alright.”

Danny settled down at one of the desks. “... I used to be human. My parents were ghost hunters -- some of the best in the field, in fact! They built what was supposed to be a portal into the ghosts’ dimension -- the ‘Ghost Zone’ -- but it didn’t work. I, like an idiot, went inside to get a closer look. It turned on with me inside it.” Hermione’s eyes widened, but she didn’t speak. “In order for a phantasm to form, rather than be born, a soul has to come in contact with a large amount of ectoplasmic energy and have a strong enough will to live. Clockwork… He saved me. If not for him, I wouldn’t have become a phantasm -- I’d just be dead.” “Oh…” “...”

“Have you… ever gone back?” “...” Danny looked at the desk in front of him. “A few times. But, uh… Going back for too long or often would… not be good. I could become ‘tied’ there and never able to leave. And if that happened…” He paled, “I’d-rather-not-think-about-it.” “I’m sorry!” “--No, no… It’s alright.” He smiled at her. “You, uh, actually remind me a lot of one of my friends from back then.” His eyes lit up, and he smiled. “Sam, she was this big activist. She was a self-proclaimed ‘ultra-recyclo-vegetarian’ and goth, and she always had a cause -- usually multiple -- that she was fighting for! She would’ve loved your whole ‘free the house-elves’ movement! And my sister, Jazz -- you’re both ridiculously smart and like taking care of your friends.” Hermione was blushing a little bit, but seemed pleased. “You must miss them terribly.” Danny grimaced, his smile fading. “Yeah…”

She moved over so she could rest her hand on his arm. Cold, but not as freezing as she expected. “If there’s anything I can do to make this place feel more like home to you…” She smiled comfortingly at him. “Just tell me. You’re my friend.” He smiled back at her.

“So, uh… You going to start using the time-turner more?” “Oh!” Hermione moved back to where she had spread out her homework and grabbed a blank piece of parchment. She started muttering and working out some math problems. “... Yes, if I take a few hours out of my sleeping schedule, there should be enough room for two of me in my bed… And that room should be empty during this period…” She seemed satisfied after a few minutes. And indeed, Hermione looked much more rested after that. Danny even played lookout on occasion to make sure no one noticed multiple Hermiones wandering around.

‘Now that I’ve solved that problem…’ Ron had noticed Danny was spending more time with Hermione, and he took it as a sign of betrayal. Danny tried to think of some way he could bridge the gap between the two: ‘He’ll come around eventually. Even if it won’t be until he finds out about Pettigr-though... I guess that might just make him MORE upset…’ … But he was coming up empty.

Harry (or rather, Harry’s Firebolt) was more successful at cheering Ron up. There was a lot of excitement as the first match came up that Harry’d be riding it in. And when Danny got to see Harry fly on it, he understood why.

It wasn’t quite as fast as Danny was when he flew -- but it was pretty damn close! No one else on (above?) the field stood a chance! And to put icing on the cake, Harry completely humiliated some bullies who tried to sabotage him, too! Malfoy -- (‘Why is it always Malfoy?! That’s it. I need to ask them how this rivalry started!’) -- and some of his friends had thought it was a brilliant idea to try and scare Harry by dressing up and pretending to be dementors. But, as Lupin put it, Harry “gave Mr. Malfoy quite a fright” when he used the “patronus charm” he’d been working on in his anti-dementor lessons against them. The group of Slytherin students got into a lot of trouble for their stunt, AND Harry won the game for the Gryffindor team!

And for a while, things were actually peaceful -- for both Danny AND his friends.

But still without any sign of Peter Pettigrew.

~~~~~

If you like this, please REBLOG!

(Updates every Wednesday until completion.) Also, if you like my writing, check out

my collection of one-shots here

! I write a story at the request of you all every Wednesday. (

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Other places you can find this fic: Fanfiction.net/~ciestess ArchiveOfOurOwn.org/users/Ciestess/profile Deviantart.com/Ciestess

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[thehappymessproject]

100/100 - 5 steps to make the most out of our life

I started this essay months ago... Writing about it made me frustrated and sad : by taking stock of my thoughts ont the topic, it was all too clear that I had lost my way on several of them. It was the perfect time to write about it for many reasons, but also the worst for many different reasons.

So I followed my own principles, and let it sit, while exploring them one by one, reclaiming them. Real deep growth means getting back to beginner’s state over and over. Overdoing it is part of the process too. So are feeling lost, afraid, doubting ourselves and the process while trying to trust it. All of it and more. Change (and life itself) is a big mess.

Here are some signs that you may not use your time in a way that is satisfying to you (one is enough, especially if intense and persistant) :

Sleep issues (including fine quality of sleep but constant fatigue)

Reduced functional time : someone fine can function for 10 hours on average before being really tired. Anxiety or depression and other disorders can reduce this to 1 hour in severe cases.

Frequent/permanent bursts of sadness or fear (especially if ‘unexplained’).

Feeling like time tends to fly by ‘too quickly’, even if it can seem way too slow as well sometimes.

Feeling like it’s impossible to do what really matters to you because you don’t have enough time or energy.

I was checking 3 out of those boxes, and in an intense way until a few weeks back. I realised that I had slipped into this territory again, the one of being caught in so many vicious cycles that it feels like it may never stop and I may never have time to do what’s important to me. So I went back to basics and made sure I would embody these words, not just aspire to them. 

Here are the steps I am following to reset and ease back slowly the way I spend my daily time.

Pausing and listening

Stillness and reflection are absolutely key in this process. 

Without them in our life, everything feels way too blurry to take on real deep change, or even to understand what we are experiencing. And trying to change the way we use our time is definitely real deep change. 

To learn how to pause, we need to start from what we consider as a pause. Meditation is one of the surest, fastest and strongest way to learn stillness and to connect to ourselves. But many people have even difficulty to stay a few moments doing nothing in silence. For them, meditation is simply too hard right now.

This specific difficulty is in itself a symptom of deep underlying emotional struggle. It shows us also how much we struggle to accept ourselves the way we are. But be sure of one thing : we can all find our way back to stillness and delight in our own company, which is our deep natural state... As long as we start from where we are at. 

When stillness isn’t available to us yet as a safe practice, we can already benefit from simply slowing down. Doing activities that make us feel almost still, or at least calmer helps greatly. 

Taking breaks without getting our phones out. Taking a deep breath from the belly and slowly letting it out through the mouth. Practicing staying silent with people, just enjoying each other’s company or even just being bored together. Walking and letting our thoughts wonder. Listening to music while daydreaming. Stopping for a few instants once in a while during our commute to simply observe the world going on without us… There are many ways to progress back towards that childlike and very wise ability of staying in the moment. 

(check this essay for more ideas on how to train your mindful muscles)

Daring

To live the most out of our life, we will need to change regularly, either to adapt to the environment we choose, adapt to life itself or simply to follow out deeply human need to evolve. Change is the only real constant we’ll ever face. 

That change (especially when it’s deep) will always requires that we get out of our comfort zone, which will always have that scary vibe that accompanies vulnerability. When we change, we take risks, and real risks are scary : we need courage to take them on.  

We will need to find out what we really want, which can be scary enough as it is. We will need to explore what it is by doing all sorts of new unsettling things. We will need to learn how to listen to ourselves more and better. We will need to fail miserably every so often (the bigger the goal, the more frequent the failure involved). We will need to face how little we know about ourselves and how paradoxical we really are. We will need to embrace the awkward messes that we are. How much we suck, we are wrong, imperfect, incompetent, uncomfortable, scared, intimidated, self-limiting we can be… 

Change is a journey that can be as great, liberating and empowering as it is humbling, unsettling and subtile. One big happy mess when it’s taken on fulll speed. 

More on the courage to change and be who we really are in this essay.

A little bit of everything

If I had to choose just one word to characterise deep change, it would be balance. No life lived in any kind of extreme is sustainable or even really appreciated on the long term, most of us know that deep down... 

But humans are also really bad at finding balance, even more in our fast paced world. Instead, we tend to have some sort(s) of cycles, going round and round between being too self-indulgent and too harsh on ourselves. 

We often call them “being reasonable” and “letting ourselves live”, but rarely truly do any of both in the end. There is something very disheartening in living stuck in those cycles. 

Life stuck in cycles doesn’t feel at all like we can have an impact on our destiny, like what we do actually matter in the grand scheme of things. We feel stuck and discouraged. Often bitter too. 

That is why there is something so liberating in finding ways to balance everything that is important to us. Even if it will never be achieved as a goal : even if we do find some sort of balance, life changes, circumstances change, WE change no matter what we do. So balance has to be found over and over, the way our courage or what we think we know about ourselves does. 

I’ve met so many people betting their life on something big in their future, ready to sacrifice things they know are important (like time with our loved ones, their passion, their sleep…) for things they think they really need first in order to be happy (generally money, status, diplomas…). I have yet to meet someone who really “won” that kind of bet. 

What I’ve met a lot, are people who lost their dreams, their will to live or simply lost themselves in that game. They will need more, always. They will keep procrastinating what they deem as really important in their heart, until something breaks. Their bodies, their soul, their spirit… Or simply until they die.

How many cautionary tales and tragic anecdotes do we hear about those people who were waiting for their retirement or these other big things (money, status, power, diploma...) to ‘really live’ (be it travel, make art, spend quality time together…) until they actually got retired and couldn’t do any of it, because they were too sick, physically shattered, depressed to have lost all that was their daily life, or tragically lost their spouse? Or, they got the job, money and status they just don’t have more time, jut more responsibilities? Young adults who will have spent their lives between mental health issues and studying before tragically passing in an accident? 

It might sound morbid, but like many people who have faced death in a very intimate way, I use my mortality as an incentive for being brave and go after what truly matters to me.

Don’t get me wrong though, there is nothing wrong about making sacrifices for our bigger goals. We will always have to sacrifice things to get what we deeply want. 

I’m just saying, don’t forget to also live : paint on the week end, write that book on stolen minutes, learn/practice that craft 10mn of practice at the time, go on dates with people you love and create actual memories with them, take time to breathe and look around you, to connect with nature, to dance and listen to music, to read good books and taste great food... 

Learn to know yourself and the world around you. Switch your phone off and use your senses to live your life. One meaningful moment at the time. LIVE!

You can have more of the life you really want, right now. Allow yourself to make a bit of it happen. 

And if you already do that, and know deep down that you really love what you already have and wouldn’t change a thing, but still feel like life is passing by : make bigger bets. 

Decide that you will save money for that thing you really want to do someday, NOW, give that thing a deadline. Take some risks. Evening classes. Online classes : thanks to the Internet, we can learn everything we want NOW. Look for things you might want to explore, start where you are, and bet on yourself. 

Start making your dreams happen bit by bit. One step at the time, we will make the hard things happen. Don’t wait for the perfect time to do what matters. STEAL the time, it’s yours anyway. DARE!

More on balance on this essay.

Make room for play

I don’t know you, but I’ve been raised with the idea that play is for children and immature adults. And I always hated it. 

Play was such a privileged time of my childhood. Its scarcity as I got older really made me very sad and slowly infused bitterness. The day I watched the TED talk on the power of play was very joyful and dare I say, life-altering.

Humans are wired to play until they die. When we don’t play, our brains work less efficiently, we are more prone to depression, anxiety and all sorts of things that make life MUCH harder than it already is. 

Play is like putting on happy glasses : everything is slightly lighter and easier when we play, even the hardest things. 

After a few years making room for play in my life and learning more about it, it takes me very little time to diagnose a lack of play in someone’s life : they simply lack “colours”. Even when they are joyful and lively by nature, there’s a sadness in their eyes and voice, in their words. 

I can hear their inner child calling for help. Some kind of soft “There must be more to life, that can’t be all there is to it, can it?”. Yes, there is more to it. 

Play is some of that “it”. We all need it in several forms. Humour by itself isn’t enough. Entertainment either. We need to enter some kind of games, to be active in that process, find engaging activities that bring us joy to share with people close to us. 

Video games, board games, rough and tumble play… alone or with company : pick your favourites, and don’t be afraid to experiment with the ones you don’t know well. You might find a new love hidden there. 

There is no way around play, we all need some : it reminds us of our aliveness. So : what are you playing at lately?

(Find an essay on play here)

Honour pleasure

Another thing that is often missing in our lives. We hear so often in many different ways that we need to be productive. That our duties and our ability to own up to them define how well we “got it together”. And boy, do we want badly to get it together…

How many of us feel ruled by our to-do lists and duties? 

Here’s one little secret about to-do lists : we will always have more things to do than we have time, they should be directions, not orders. They are certainly not the boss of you!

If we focus on doing everything more than on choosing what things we want to prioritise, life tends to feel a lot like a permanent run, feeling late and overwhelmed. 

If we focus only on minimising the to do lists to diminish stress, we always end up cutting out things that are in reality more important than the ones we actually do. 

Do not focus on the to do lists. Focus on balance instead. And never forget that pleasure must be a part of that balance. 

Pleasure doesn’t need to cost anything, use huge chunks of time or anything really. Pleasure is about perceived luxury : things that make life fuller, more worth living. 

 It can be as simple as getting up 10mn earlier so we can really take our time drinking our coffee in the morning, changing your commute to walk in that area you enjoy, taking 10mn everyday to walk with someone you love (even in complete silence), switch technology off so we can really enjoy that meal, that break, that moment; taking time to dance recklessly, calling someone you love and didn’t hear from in a long time… 

Pleasure is about not taking life for granted, making sure we are not just machines working, taking care of logistics, and surviving. 

What are tiny things you can do often that would bring you pleasure? What things do you love but don’t do as often as you like? What makes your days special? 

So here it is. 

I am lacking words to describe how much working on those tiny but big things more seriously has been helpful for the past couple of months (and the past decade) to come back to myself. I finished my 100 days project exhausted, overwhelmed, sad for it to end and a bit lost. 

Even if I still had really hard and stressful days, and I’m currently in the middle of some of the biggest and deepest change I experienced in years, I’m putting an end to this essay that much more centered and calm. 

Life doesn’t have to be different (not even less stressful or painful) for you to be able to enjoy it more. All those things are small and big at the same time. Making sure we check on them and incorporate them can make our experience of life much richer and more satisfying, even if we don’t enhance anything else. No matter how life has to be stressful or hard, those are tiny things in our control that makes it easier to manage. 

So... What does this essay inspire you to try?

[kitty-does-stuff]

you like homestuck? why not try ___

(reblogs > likes, if you read this all and think to yourself that you should check out one of the things i talked about then why not reblog and share with others?)

hiya so ain’t a normal post for this blog, think of it like a youtube video but text (i’d make this a video but i don’t have a good mic & idk how to edit), anyways this is a start to a series of posts i’ll sometimes make, the point of this series is to point some fandoms at other pieces of work like the thing that fandom likes, so like in this post i’ll talk about other pieces of work that homestuck fans might like

anyways most of the post is under the cut cause it might be a long but i’ll show the 1st 2 that way you can see if you like my reasoning, also i haven’t seen every piece of media ever so i might miss some things so feel to add in a reblog

(also the numbers i use aren’t to show the quality, it’s just what came to mind 1st)

1: borderlands

ok tbh this game is why i made this post, this game series has a lot of the same kinds of humour (though borderlands doesn’t to what i can recall have any ablest jokes or the stuff like that), it’s a very fun game  series even for those who most of the time don’t like shooters as it’s kinda like what would happen if overwatch’s fun shooting mechanics had a baby with diablo 2‘s skill trees

the story is really great, taking a lot of cues(and names) from greek legends, also a hot tip, you really don’t need to play the 1st game, just start at borderlands 2 then go to pre sequel and then tales from the borderlands and you should be fine

also there are quite a few lgbtq+ characters (including a canon lesbian relationship that can end in marriage, i say can as it’s a part of a game where what you say and do can have things end in other ways), and there is also a lot of room for oc making as it takes place in it;s very own world that has a lot of things no other story really has

2: Undertale/Deltarune

ok you most likely know about at least Undertale but hey this is my post and i get to add what i want. anyways Undertale’s story is this: once a upon a time monsters and humans both lived above the ground but one day a war started, humans with their determination sealed the monsters deep beneath Mount Ebott, creating a barrier only a human soul could pass, one day a child climbs Mount Ebott and falls into the undergrond, the way this tale ends is up to the player

ok so there are quite a few characters that you get to know well, they all have backstorys that are quite the tales, there is canon lgbtq+ characters (including a canon relationship with two of the woman characters, a non binary protag and trans coded characters),

it’s also a very funny game and the story is one of the best story's i’ve ever heard, also if you like the music of homestuck then you’re gonna love this game’s music as it was made by toby fox (some of his songs from homestuck are: Black, Descend, Savior of the Waking World, MeGaLoVania, ect)

now Deltarune isn’t a full game yet and only chapter 1 is out rn but if you’ve already played Undertale then give this a go

3: My Hero Academia

ok so a lot of you already know about this anime but i still feel i should about it. So the show’s plot is about a world where most people have superpowers called Quirks, the main character (named Izuku Midoriya) has the dream of be coming a superhero like his role model All Might but he has a problem: he was born without a Quirk, the show has him slowly learn how to be a hero, make new friends and fight evil

there are a lot of characters so if you liked the bigger cast size of homestuck then this will be great. the fights are very well done and the super powers are well done, there is also a lot of room to make oc’s so if you liked making oc’s this show should be great for you

you can find this wherever you stream/watch anime

4: danganronpa

did you like the murder in homestuck? wish there was more and it was somehow more nuts? well then these games (plus anime and book or two) are for you!

the 1st game story is this: you are Makoto Naegi, a student of Hope's Peak Academy, who finds himself trapped in a game of mutual killing among his peers, in Hope's Peak Academy everyone is some kind of Ultimate (of skills or things like being a robot), Makoto Naegi is the Ultimate Lucky Student witch is a Ultimate given out in a lottery

the games have a lot of unique characters and a story about as messed up as homestuck, there are also canon lgbtq+ characters but for the most part most are only coded (and the ones that are canon don’t uh really get any happy endings), also due the whole Ultimate thing there’s a lot of room for oc making

here’s the order that you’ll wanna use (bolded means you need to see or else later things won’t make sense anything else is just a plus): Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc > Makoto Naegi Secret File > Danganronpa Kirigiri (may not be canon) >  Danganronpa: Togami (not canon, also just save yourself from wasting time and don’t read it, it sucks) > Danganronpa 2: Goodby Dispair >  Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc IF (non canon) >  Danganronpa Zero >  Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls > Ultra Despair Hagakure > Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak Academy (there are two different complimentary series. The idea is that you alternate between the two of them starting with Side Future, then Side Despair so your order would be F1, D1, F2, D2, etc...)  > Super Danganronpa 2.5 > Danganronpa Gaiden: Killer Killer > anything else to do with the main danganronpa universe > Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony (not canon to the rest of the games, it is it’s own verse)

5: steven universe

so i’m sure most of you have heard of this but it’s really good so it’s worth sharing, here’s the plot: The Crystal Gems are a team of magical beings who are the self-appointed guardians of the universe. Half-human, half-Gem hero Steven is the "little brother" of the group. The goofball is learning to save the world using the magical powers that come from his bellybutton and he goes on magical adventures with the rest of the Crystal Gems, even though he's not as powerful -- or smart -- as fellow group members Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. Despite his shortcomings, Steven usually finds a surprising way to save the day.

this show has so many lgbtq+ characters that if i tried i wouldn’t be able to list them all, there is so much room to make oc’s if you can think of a type of gem then you got a gemsona idea buddy cuz any gem can be a character and the story is really great

6: the adventure zone

ok so this one is a tabletop rpg podcast, so far there has been two main campaigns though one is still on going, the 1st one is called The Balance Arc it’s the campaign that was for d&d and so far is the only main campaign to be over as it has a ending (though they sometimes still do live shows set in the campaign), it’s also the one you should must likely start with, then the  2nd main campaign is called: Amnesty it uses the monster of the week rpg and is on going, this podcast is hosted by the McElroys

here’s what campaign 1 can be summed up as: The story of four idiots that played DnD so hard that they made themselves cry. 

here’s a fan-made trailer for The Balance Arc 

7: critical role

another d&d show! yeah i know but this one and the last one are very very different, for one everyone in this show knows how to play d&d, anyways this is a web series in which a group of professional voice actors play Dungeons & Dragons, that is played live every Thursday. There are two campaigns, one of them is over while the other is on going, both are already very long so you better have some free time on your hands

if you do watch then be ready to cry at least once

8: 17776

ok so uh this one is a bit odd, it’s on the shorter side os things and is a serialized speculative fiction multimedia narrative by Jon Bois published online through SB Nation, it’s odd but from what i know it’s good

9: paranatural

a webcomic that is made by the same person that made summerteen romance (y’know from Paradox Space?) anyways the comic follows the story of Max, the new kid at school, and the other members of the Activity Club as they fight ghosts, investigate the secrets of Mayview, and interact with their fellow middle school students

it’s a fun webcomic that has characters that you end up really wanting to learn more about

10: young justice

so this show is a pertty good way to get into the dc fandom, you don’t need to know much of the lore of the main dc verse as a lot of the stuff isn’t quite the same in the show so need to worry if your not the must into comics, the story is about the the teenage team of superheroes as they save the world as well as deal with normal daily life issues

it’s a fun show that can make you cry really fast, that goes from light hearted to dark very quick and isn’t afraid to kill off a characters

[theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly]

Help I need write advice

I’ll drink to that, anon.

In all seriousness, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific in order for me to help you find the ‘write’ solution for your troubles (haha get it??). You can PM me if you’re in serious writing straits! However, many of the people who come to me with writing problems say they’re struggling with writer’s block, so I’ll give some tips below. If that doesn’t help you, just PM me! 

COLE’S HOT TIPS FOR BREAKING WRITER’S BLOCK (end results may vary from person to person, batteries not included) 

Look away from your computer/ notebook: I notice that sometimes that if I’m stuck on a particular passage of a piece, I tend to glare at my computer and perhaps immerse myself too much in the screen. My head starts to get foggy. If your eyes feel heavy and you’re not necessarily tired, consider looking away. You may get that feeling you get after you come out of a movie theatre, so you may have to take certain measures to ground yourself to reality again. Blink rapidly, squeeze your eyes shut, and open them wide again. Roll them a few times. Sometimes, you just gotta remove yourself from the situation for a while. 

Stand up and stretch: If rolling your eyes like a dumbass bitch just entered the room and started voicing their dumbass opinions doesn’t do much for you, then get the fuck up my dude. The point of these first few exercises is to clear your mind. Chances are, you’ve been sitting in the same spot for possibly a few hours, and you may be hoarding some tension in you back, shoulders, and neck without you even realizing it. I don’t blame you; writer’s block is stressful! So stand up, and do whatever stretches you deem necessary. I like to pop my back. All my creative juices are in spine, I suppose, because anytime I pop it, a  sense of goodwill and inspiration washes over me. Walk around for a little while, or do jumping jacks if you’re some fitness freak. If you can’t stand up, stretch your arms over your head and roll out your neck. Get that blood flowing, bitch!! Pump pump motherfucker!!

Splash your face with cold water: I know this sounds stupid; I’ve gotten various responses to this advice. But sometimes, you need the shock of cold to the face to wake your brain up. Writer’s block is a bit like trying to wake up in the morning, and I tend to treat it as such. What gets me up in the morning? That’s right, cold water to the face. Now would be a good time to wash your face too. Feeling fresh and clean puts me in a better mood, as writer’s block in likelihood makes you grumpy. 

If feasible, take a shower or a bath: Using the same argument as above, take a shower or bath. I like to think that not only am I ridding myself of physical filth, but I’m also washing away all my tensions and frustrations as well. Use soap, you dumbass. Make it smell nice too, if possible. Being so fresh and so clean clean clears the mind. You’d be amazed at how much easier writing is if you’re comfortable, and fewer things are more comfortable in life than stepping out of a shower and into nice clean clothes. 

Satiate your hunger/thirst: If you’re anything like me, you have a tendency to forget to eat/drink when you’re in the writing zone. Take the time to pour yourself your favorite beverage (try not to over caffeinate yourself; I find that too much caffeine makes me less emotionally invested in the piece. I’m not sure why. If you’re writing that sad, angsty shit, consider not drinking coffee. Unless you;re addicted to coffee, in which case, not even the gods can stop you, I guess). Make sure you’re hydrated. Give your cells some lovin’; they’re going through writer’s block too! And feed them a little something too. Try not to eat anything too salty, because then you’ll get thirsty again, and you might transfer some of that saltiness into your work. Unless that is your goal, just don’t. Now would be a good time to eat your servings of fruits and veggies. Keep forgetting to eat/drink? Set an alarm, or put a sticky note with something along the lines of ‘remember to eat/drink you dumbfuck’ written on it somewhere in your immediate line of vision. If that doesn’t help, then *shrugs vaguely* good luck.

Skip the part you’re getting blocked about, and go on ahead: Writing doesn’t have to be linear. Do you have something juicy planned, but you’re not sure how to get there? Do you have to write some boring dialogue before getting to the good part? Whatever is dragging you down, skip it. You’re a writer; if anyone can write a bunch of seemingly unconnected events of a story but somehow go back and make it all work, it’s you. Get that good stuff done first. We’ll find a way to make it work, because we’re writers. That’s what we do. 

Listen to some sweet. sweet tunes: If you’re like me, you get easily inspired by music. So if you feel like you don’t have the emotional energy to write something, try listening to some music. Want to write some sad shit? Listen to sad music. Want to write something majestic? Listen to some majestic music. I recommend literally any Disney soundtrack or French horns. I’m a slut for french horns. If you can, compile a few playlists specifically for whatever mood you need to be in. Not into that music shit? I’ve recently been told that some people get inspiration from moodboards. Find a moodboard that’s good for you. Maybe go to Google Images and type in whatever emotion you need and see where that gets you. Put on safe search, though. Save yourself the pain. I don’t know moodboards well, sorry :/

Write something other than your piece: As paradoxical as it may seem, sometimes the way to break writer’s block is to, you guessed it, write more! Hear me out: maybe you don’t want to write out X piece, but the idea of writing Y piece sounds very appealing. So work on piece Y! Take a break from your blocked work. No one will be mad, though in the event  that they are, just deck them into the next dimension. Tell them to write their own shit, and see how far that gets them. Raise your middle finger to them. Write that crack fic, write that overused trope, write something your heart really really desires! See if you can put a twist on those tropes. You may find the juices starting to flow.

Fuck perfection: Don’t get too caught up on making sure your grammar is perfect. Don’t get too caught up on characterization, don’t get caught up on anything! Just word vomit onto your document. You can clean up the mess later. What you’re doing now is building the skeleton of your piece. It’s not supposed to have flesh at first. It’s going to be disgusting at first. It’s not going to be perfect, so don’t bother with the minutiae right now. That’s why we edit. Right now, get the raw materials down. Let future editing you deal with the logistics of commas and semicolons and all that other bullshit. No one needs to know that your piece wasn’t borne fresh from the pencil in a state of perfection. No one needs to know that it sucked at first, so don’t worry about perfection. No one sees the initial stages, so stop treating it as such. No one but the NSA is watching you write, but they’re cheering you on, I promise. 

Take a break: You’ve probably been working on this piece for far longer than you anticipated. You’re probably tired, and you probably never want to see a pencil again. So switch off the laptop, close the notebook. Sometimes, you just have to stop writing. But don’t worry; your work will be there in the morning. Consider going to sleep; sleep deprivation can be incredibly taxing on anybody, especially writers. We need our brains to be at top functionality, and wouldn’t you know it, functionality is destroyed if you’re tired. Go to bed you dumbass, or take a nap. It may feel like you’ll never be able to write again. And maybe you won’t have that same spark for days, weeks, years even. There will be a day that that spark will return, friend. I can’t make promises, but the universe can. You’d be surprised what she has up her sleeve.  

I may have gone on a bit of a tangent here, but you know, it’s for the sake of writing. I hope this helps you, anon, and anyone else who feels like they need it. Again, these are tips that work for me, so don’t come at me with pitchforks if they don’t work for you. 

Happy writing, friends!