#it sucks that being a people pleaser can take the punk out of you

[edge-oftheworld]

no this is so true and this fandom, at least part of it, is steeped in gen z urban conservatism: the kind we see here (no kink at pride, no threesomes allowed if you’re 19 in 2015 to sum it up), but also things like moral purity culture (don’t ever be seen to be around people who ever said or did something controversial or wrong). and we can’t stop them if they decide to market themselves in a ‘family friendly’ image and put themselves through this

but remembering their pop punk roots especially it still makes me sad. remembering how much they all love green day. and they’ve got so much personality and passion when it comes out and it’s not censored to be seen as appropriate and if there’s one thing we can do as a fandom is show that we support that. show younger members of the fandom that most censoring is done out of fear. but it doesn’t have to be necessary, so please don’t enforce it. we’re gonna be happier when we can all be ourselves and that goes for us and it goes for the artists we listen to as well and some of us have been coerced into masking it from a young age but we can show each other it’s safe to let that go and start healing. and we can carry that attitude to the way we treat our favourite musicians too who are also human and capable of having this problem and wanting to please people too.

maybe i’m an over-analytical freak, but the way 5sos have to constantly sanitize their sex jokes or language makes me fucking shrivel into myself. last night on ashton’s live, he was talking about how he couldn’t “say anything inappropriate” as if he isn’t a 29 year old man. and this is like a silly example, but they say things like this all the time. idk whose fault this is, whether it be the toxic twt fanbase constantly infantalizing them and making them relive their adolescence or if their management genuinely believes they’re more marketable as “family friendly,” but it is so fucking icky. they should be allowed to say and act like themselves on their livestreams. idk. like ??? they’re funny !!!

[vampire-himbos-of-santa-perdita]

A reintroduction

Hey, hi, hello! So, I’ve had a bit of a boost in new followers recently, which means there’s a bunch of you who are discovering my writing for the first time!

My name is Sophie, I’m a 20-something dark fantasy writer. Many people on here will know me as the Hell Witch, because my ambition and work ethic tends to intimidate people. But most of all, it’s because I like torturing characters and making readers cry. Not that that should scare you. I look spooky, but I’m really nice...

 I’ve been writing since I was 9 years old, and writing novels since I was 16. I’ve got an undergraduate degree in Victorian literature and criminal history, and a Masters in Publishing. I’ve been working in the publishing industry on and off as an editor and marketer for the past 3 years now, and have worked with big name publishers and authors. I am always here to give writing advice, so do not be afraid to hop into my ask box to send me questions about the writing and/or publishing process.  

I’ve got so many novels on the go right now, it’s a bit insane, but I swear, it makes sense.... Here are my devious, devious Hell Children™:

Time, Regardless:

1980s time travel novel featuring an angry magic girl who’s gone back to save her dad with the help of a celestial agent trying to uncover the reason why her entire family’s been erased from the timeline...

I’ve been at this one since age 16, so it’s been through the ringer and back, and I’m tired of looking at it at this point.

I’ve been querying it to agents on and off for the past 3 years. I sent it over to various beta readers, publishers, editors, and agents, and all have said it needs a rewrite because my narrative structure is a mess. This is draft 6.

Currently on a bit of a hiatus because querying is a soul crushing experience, and I need time to recuperate with other projects that remind me why I love writing so much...

I swear to god, you guys, I love this novel. I DO!

Moonage Daydream:

Hey, you can find this one here!

A Raven Cycle longfic featuring the gangsey’s kids. The first 10 chapters are a big party pleaser, and then it rapidly goes downhill from there (not everyone loves grimdark as much as I do, but if that’s your cup of tea, you should read this fic, and also, we should chat!) I fully support anyone who decides to read the first 10 and peace out. If anything, it’s a really solid representation of the type of stuff I write.

I have plans to update this into an original novel set in the Canadian Rockies about haunted forests and dream states.

I have the softest of soft spots for this novel because it’s the one that launched me as a credible writeblr on here, and it’s the reason I have followers for my original work.

Haunt Your Murderers:

Set in Victorian London, a drag queen kingpin for an underground thieving ring gets caught up in a murder plot with a mad surgeon and two grave robbers. The only ones who can stop them are a crew of lady pirates and the high priestess of the underworld, who may just be pulling everyone’s strings...

A very loving homage to my favourite Victorian novels and gritty history. Here, you may just find a little bit of Frankenstein, a little bit of Dorian Gray, a lot a bit of penny dreadfuls...

I came up with the idea for this novel, sitting in a very cold lecture during a history class, and I thought to myself “what would it be like if Frank Furter from Rocky Horror was a highwayman?”

Honestly, I’m just obsessed with Sweeney Todd and wanted to write that.

I’m currently 100k in and just getting settled into the plot. (in case you wanted to get a taste for the type of writer I am.......)

I know too many things about Victorian gothics/crime. Please ask me about it!

Heaven’s Tiny Daggers:

The rise of a pop-punk girl band in the midst of a gigantic revolution between angels and demons, who are hiding in plain sight in the punk music scene.

You know that conspiracy theory about Avril Lavigne being replaced by a doppelganger? That’s the conflict of this novel.

Although this is a loving tribute to punk history, and an exploration of how the emo subgenre came to be, underneath it all, it’s just an MCR genderbender.

An exploration of how capitalist greed in the music industry is sucking the creativity and inspiration out of musicians, also what it means to create a legacy as an artist.

I just started this one! I’m about 40k in and really hitting the ground running! This’ll be my project for 2019, at least for the next few months, depending on how long it takes to finish the first couple drafts.

I know way too much about punk/emo music. Please ask me about it!!!

You can find all my WIPs under tags of the same name. If you want to be tagged in my future updates, let me know!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Marlene

Ali: Hey babe, sorry I missed rehearsal, know you rocked it regardless  💋 Marlene: Kind of need our lead singer to do that. Instrumental wasn't the vision for the track, babygirl Marlene: Where did you have to be? We could've rescheduled Ali: I know, I know, my bad! Make it up to you Ali: Ugh, got detention, didn't I Ali: don't even get me started on that Marlene: Make it up to me alone or me and the band? Marlene: Little rebel Marlene: Can't have you getting in more trouble by ditching, can we? Marlene: I'll add in another rehearsal, the girls won't mind Ali: Why not both? Ali: Come over and I'll record the vocals for you Ali: You know it boo 👩🏼‍🎤 Ali: Exactly, even though I'm fully staging a protest tomorrow Marlene: That's my girl Marlene: I'll be there front and centre, lending my voice to the movement Ali: Aww, so supportive Ali: cute 😉 Ali: I've rallied all the usual suspects so it shouldn't be a flop Ali: we have the allotted hours, like, if they fail to control us in 'em, why add more, yeah? pointless, where's the logic Marlene: Making me so proud to have you on my arm Ali: As you should be Ali: Though that arms not bad 💪 Marlene: I wouldn't be the best bassist in this shithole if it was Ali: One track mind 😏 SUCH a bassist Ali: don't you ever break that focus? Marlene: It has been known Marlene: For the right girl Ali: Introduce me to her some time, yeah? Ali: Get some tips Marlene: You know her pretty well Marlene: The name's Alison, like the song Ali: So soft Ali: Still say we do a Elvis Costello and Dolly mashup Ali: idc what you say, Jolene is a bop and you need to own it Marlene: If I can hear you do an original Elvis cover, I'll think about it Ali: Fine, I'll happily sing about myself all day Ali: can even get the accent down, thanks Ma Marlene: I'll be waiting for that Marlene: The girls are asking if you need posters or anything else for the protest? Anything to stick around and drink more Ali: Patience, babe Ali: Gotta save these pipes for the protest Ali: Feel free to go for their lives, like Ali: Bear in mind if they use too many expletives, the School ain't gonna listen tho Ali: creative language, not colourful, ladies Marlene: No promises on getting them to dial back the reclaimed slurs Marlene: But we'll leave off calling the teachers the cunts they are Marlene: For you, our glorious leader Ali: 🙇 down Ali: I'll take it, they're not going to go anywhere near hate speech vibes, too risky Marlene: Tempting offer Marlene: I'll take you up on it when we're alone Ali: Yeah? Gonna skip rehearsal more often then Marlene: For revolution and no less, babe Marlene: But I have missed you Ali: The revolution's always rolling, babe Ali: I can't stop the wheels of change, you know Marlene: I know you want me to make a rock and roll pun Marlene: But I refuse Ali: Boooooo 👎 Ali: too punk for me now? Marlene: Not gonna quote a dead white man either, not even Lennon Marlene: You're still my little punk princess, you know Ali: Throw some Yoko craziness at me Ali: 👑 Marlene: Keeping it back so the protest won't flop. Can't let it Ali: Sure, you just don't wanna get on the rooftop with your mates Ali: someone'd fall, or get pushed 😂 Marlene: Not me or you Marlene: With these arms we're safe Ali: 🔫 pew pew Ali: they wanna try me, bitch Marlene: We should fill up supersoakers for those who are anti our message Marlene: Piss on their negativity in a literal sense Ali: not with actual piss, right? Marlene: You have to start thinking punk rock, babe Ali: I am not pissing into a supersoaker Ali: not dying to prove my aim is as good as a man's like Ali: you do you, babe but I'll leave it at good old fashioned water Marlene: Now who's deserving the boos and jeers Marlene: So regal of you Ali: what can i say? my idea of a good time isn't pissing on my own hands Ali: crazy, i know 😉 Marlene: How true my love is Marlene: Any time's a good time with my baby Ali: 💙 Ali: forreal tho, what are we doing this weekend Marlene: There are a few parties Ali: where Ali: i wanna go as far away as poss Marlene: They're local, usual suspects Marlene: We can do something else Ali: Think of something better, yeah Ali: I'm sick of the locals at the mo Marlene: I'll come back to you with a plan Ali: 💋 Ali: that's my girl Marlene: What am I good for if I can't take you away from this shithole? Marlene: Not like it's that hard Ali: You got your license, 'til I got mine I'm at your beck and call, like Ali: Your Ma will be cool, yeah? Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to breathe Marlene: I'll make a deal with her Marlene: Name drop you since she's a fan Ali: Such a parent pleaser 😇 Marlene: If you sang it she'd do anything you say Marlene: Thinks you've got the voice of an angel for sure Ali: Aww, what a babe Ali: like mother like daughter 😏 Marlene: She had her moments of hell raising Marlene: Would to this day if it was possible Ali: Imma ask her all about it when I see her Ali: fo'sho Marlene: That'd make her happy Ali: Who doesn't love being scandalous? Marlene: Whoever gave you detention Ali: Give you three guesses 😑 Marlene: I don't need them Marlene: Most are in your fan club too Ali: Exactly Ali: Don't teach R.S. if you can't handle healthy debate Marlene: Yeah. We live in Dublin not a dictatorship Ali: Honestly Ali: Some people really wanna take it back to the troubles Ali: Shouldn't have said as much but chill, dude Marlene: Freedom of speech, babe Marlene: I've lost count of how many teachers I've called homophobes Marlene: Gotta speak up Ali: True Ali: you are a bit quick on the draw sometimes, like Marlene: I'm not letting them get away with it Ali: Just sayin', plenty of reasons to give you dirty looks, babe, not all of 'em that you're gay 😜 Marlene: I'm a perfect gentleman and you know it Ali: True Ali: You don't look it tho Marlene: You don't look like a rebel queen Marlene: And yet Ali: I know looks are deceiving, tell it to the homophobes, babe 😏 Ali: also you gotta stop with the compliments 😾 Marlene: But everyone's clearing out. It's the perfect time to shower you with them Marlene: Where do you wanna be? Here or there Ali: When bae only sweet talks you when their mates aren't about Ali: SUCH a fuckboy, darling 💋 Marlene: You know what I was getting at, darling Marlene: We can be alone finally Marlene: But only if you're in the mood Ali: I'll come over Ali: as much as my Ma is also a fan, just yours like, not so much mine Marlene: Let me pick you up Marlene: It's too dark for that shit Ali: Nah, I wanna walk Ali: gotta burn off the energy I didn't get to rock out Marlene: Hold your keys since you won't take my knife off me Ali: Don't worry Ali: My Da beat you to the self-defense lesson, like Ali: I'm sweet Marlene: If I'm not there to protect you, I'm bound to worry Ali: You worry too much, baby Ali: Good thing I'm coming to take all your cares away Ali: and I've got bud, naturally 🚬 Marlene: And I hid some drinks from the vultures Ali: Party of two 😘 Marlene: When you get here. Until you do I'm sitting on the floor alone writing shitty songs about you Ali: Try and write a good one, will ya? Not having it bandied about that I'm a shit muse 😉 Ali: you could never Ali: gonna play for me when I get there? Marlene: Been trying since I met you, babygirl Marlene: It's not you, it's me Ali: Nah Ali: there's a hit in there, I just gotta try harder Ali: as you're so anti-establishment, your brain is noping on writing a bop that everyone will love Marlene: I want you to love it Marlene: You're the one it's for Ali: I'm excited to hear Ali: assuming I don't get shanked on the way by the big bad wolf Marlene: Your tragic early death isn't the inspiration I want or need Ali: Tell it to the TV writers, hun Ali: angry protest song #765 Marlene: I'll sing you my shitty song and you can die laughing Ali: Never Ali: cross my heart Marlene: And fingers that I can patch together a chorus that doesn't make me wanna die before you get here Ali: 🤞 Ali: I have faith enough for two Marlene: As an angel, you kind of have to bring it Ali: No pressure 😓 Marlene: I'm more than okay with you lacking it, stick it to your detention giver over again Marlene: And I love you, so forgiven most sins Ali: A benevolent Goddess you are Marlene: Modeled on the original lesbian in the sky Ali: Debated theology enough today to live and let live on that one babe Marlene: Promise I'll save the angry lesbian god essay recital for another night Ali: You're a doll 💋 Ali: Oh, hold up, I see my ex Ali: ready for this awkward convo in 3 2 Ali: brb Marlene: Bet you want me to pick you up now, don't you? Ali: [15 mins later] Ali: That was wild Marlene: What the fuck, Ali Marlene: I was about to start searching for you Ali: Soz, more chatty than I remember Ali: only gone at got someone pregnant hasn't he Marlene: Dodged a bullet Ali: Tell me about it Ali: Still out on the town tryna get some though Ali: is that the new come on? I'm fertile! Marlene: In this town, likely Marlene: Which ex is it? Ali: #4 good drugs, bad teeth Ali: the one who lowkey stalked me after and my brother had to smack him one Ali: good times, unexpected detour down memory lane there but got us some freebies so Marlene: It took 15 mins to get what you're owed, how long does he take over customers who aren't his stalked exes Marlene: bad business is what you should've called him Marlene: Or manners Ali: names are definitely open to workshopping Ali: he had to show me the scan pics, duh Marlene: Had to do the whole come on Marlene: fucking pig Ali: Bless Ali: have your fun whilst you still can, kid Marlene: not with my girlfriend Ali: don't worry babe, got the drugs for free free Ali: not suck my dick free Marlene: Are you gonna be here soon Marlene: I can still bring the car Ali: Yeah, I'll get a wriggle on Ali: 5 minutes if I run Marlene: If you don't run into any more exes first Ali: cities littered with 'em Marlene: If you didn't date men you could stay friends with them Ali: why would I wanna do that? Ali: I've seen your dyke drama, a no thank you Marlene: I don't have dyke drama Marlene: You're the one trying to avoid the awkward Ali: 😏 Ali: I don't care, its funny Ali: he wasn't that bad, really Ali: don't need to add every ex to my inner circle though, that's a madness Marlene: He stalked you Marlene: He's an asshole Ali: Not properly Ali: Just had issue letting go as fast as I did, who can blame him 😘 Marlene: It's not funny, Ali, it's fucked Ali: So serious 😾 Ali: It ain't like he locked me in his basement, I get to decide how fucked it was or wasn't Marlene: You get to brush it under the carpet too, doesn't make it right Ali: 🙄 you're as bad as my mother Marlene: maybe she's got a point Ali: Ugh, don't need to point score, she already likes ya, babe Ali: he's just a stupid kid, not fucking Bundy, yeah, let's chill Marlene: He doesn't have to be Bundy to be held accountable, babe Marlene: He's gonna be someone's dad Marlene: What the fuck Ali: for what? being a bit of a prick at 16 Ali: s'not a crime, last time I checked Marlene: it doesn't have to be Marlene: Lads think they can do whatever they want Marlene: They can't and shouldn't Ali: Nah, this isn't a soap box moment, babe Ali: we all do things we know are wrong, and ain't proud of Ali: 'cos of how we're feeling Ali: Honestly, not a big deal Ali: and not an exclusively male thing, that's a crock of shit Marlene: If I was heavy handed with one of my exes I'd get so much shit Marlene: He gets boys will be boys Marlene: It's not a big deal because you're making excuses for him Ali: From who? The lesbian mafia? Ali: Straight girls are INSANE Ali: way worse than #4 was ever Ali: I'm not gonna burn him at the stake for something I don't believe in Marlene: Straight girls are a whole other subject Marlene: Last I checked you didn't have any of them as exes so no really the point Ali: That you know of Marlene: I know about every one of your exes Ali: Okay, Liam Neeson Ali: can't be calling out stalkers when you're breathing down the phone like that 😂 Marlene: You're not funny Ali: I am though Ali: but I ain't coming over if you're gonna be such a downer Marlene: Are you serious? Marlene: Your jokes are so bad I can't tell Ali: Duh Ali: Killing my vibe, babe Marlene: You're basically here Ali: So? Ali: I can keep walking into this dark night Marlene: So come in Marlene: I'm sorry, baby Ali: You promise you're gonna stop being lame? Marlene: Cross my heart Ali: Okay, lemme in then

[mar-gega]

No Regrets (Part 3)

So it turns out I’m a people-pleaser. I was thinking of posting it during the weekend but all the great comments from you have only spurred me on!

Word count: 2.1k+ (you’re welcome!)

Warnings: Some angst, swearing.

A/N: Say hello to Natasha, the Avengers’ cheerleader!

Remember PART 2?

Well, let’s kick it off with a flashback!

Director Nick Fury’s Office

‘So it appears that there are a couple of punks that are up to no good. They’ve been spotted shopping for radioactive elements in India’ There are only Fury, Rogers and Barnes in the room. Best keep in small, Fury thought to himself.

‘Are they planning an attack?’ Steve was showing concern in his voice. ‘That’s what we don’t know. But why else would you be looking around for those elements? They’re-‘ He reaches for the phone and presses a few buttons. ‘Y/N? Can you bring me the files of those guys in India?’ He ends the call and turns to Steve and Bucky. ‘Gentlemen. Let’s take five’ and just like that he’s out of the room.

Steve turns to Bucky, a devilish smile spreading across your face.

‘So… I’ve spent some time with Y/N today’ That got Bucky’s attention. He looks at Steve, unsure on where he’s going with his story. ‘There are no men in her office, barely any in the lab, none in Fury’s department. I cannot imagine where she’d found a guy to ask out!’ ‘Just drop it, Steve, I’m sure she would just want to move on…’ ‘I can’t let it go, you know that, that’s not my style’ he smiles and stands up from the chair and strides towards the large window, taking in the view of the city.

'Why don't you ask her out? She's just your type!' the blonde probes his friend. 'Come on, Steve, she's not interested in me, I'm sure...' 'How do you know? Bless her, she could do with some cheering up, when I finally find out who the asshole that turned her down is I'm gonna knock some sense into him' 'Oh give over, Steve, so the guy's an idiot for rejecting her but he must have had his reasons...' there’s an annoyance in his voice but he’s uncomfortable with the subject so he decided to keep his voice down. Steve walks back towards the desk and gently strokes it, as he moves to the other side. 'Well what reason can he possibly have to reject Y/N?' he sits in Fury’s chair and he smiles. He can get used to this office! After a moment of self-indulging in a little fantasy of his he turns to his friend and exclaims 'Well I'm not having her sulking over this, if you're not interested then I'm going to ask her out!' 'What?! You've never been interested in Y/N before!' anger evident in Bucky’s voice, he closes the distance between the two. ‘But YOU have and if you’re not willing to admit it then I’ll make you’ he spins in his chair, enjoying it as if he was a 5-year old child. When he faces Bucky again he’s met with a death stare. Great, just what he wanted!

‘Come on, Buck, as if I didn’t notice you always volunteering to drop off the intel, always making sure you showered first and looked your best, you couldn’t care less what info we got from the mission, why do you then care so much that it reaches the Intel Team, huh?’ But instead of admitting there and then Bucky huffs in anger and leans over the blonde ‘Don’t you dare ask her out, you’re not serious about her’ he hisses and points the finger towards Steve’s face. ‘And you are?’ ‘GODDAMIT STEVE!’ Bucky slams his fist on the desk, luckily not causing any damage. Steve just chuckles in response. ‘Oh boy, you’ve got it bad, don’t you?’ Just this second the door opens and Fury steps in. ‘What the hell is going on here?’ Both of the soldiers stand up in shock. ‘Just gossiping’ Steve murmurs. ‘Well if you don’t mind me interrupting you, LADIES, I’ve got the profiles right here…’

Present day

Today you decide to come to work early, there will undoubtedly be a lot to catch up on, the downside of having days off is when you're back at work you're always few steps behind on the action. You love an early morning walk – outside it’s a little foggy but fresh, just what you need before submerging yourself into workload. Once in the lobby of the building you head towards the lifts and wait patiently - you're feeling rested and energised, cup of coffee in hand, here bright and early; nothing can spoil your day. Right?

'Well hello there...' you hear a deep voice behind you. You turn to see a cheeky grin and bright chocolate-brown eyes 'is that the lady that stole the super soldier heart?' You can't recall if you've ever seen Sam Wilson without his uniform but that boy has some style. Clad in plain black t-shirt, low hung jeans and leather jacket he looks effortlessly cool. Or it might just be his demeanour? 'Oh morning, Sam' you smile 'how are you today?' You chose to ignore his little remark in hope of changing the subject. 'Great, great! You?' 'Very good actually, just back from couple days off so I'm ready!' You attempt to lighten the mood and bring your coffee up suggesting toasting with it. 'Ready for the super soldier action?' He quirks an eyebrow, still smirking. Your smile fades a little. How does he know about your encounter with Steve? 'Erm, soldier action? What?' That lift is taking its bloody time! 'Now come on, the Cap was dead excited to see you today, and Bucky...' he stops when his phone rings 'Excuse me, I have to take this' you smile politely and breathe a sigh of relief when the beep of the lift signals its arrival.

Bucky? What?!

On you way up you can't help but analyse what Sam said. So Steve has been talking about you. Ok, you can deal with that. But what does Bucky have to do with it? You can't imagine he confessed it's him who you originally asked out, he'll be far too embarrassed to admit it. Unless... they both just sat down and had a good old chuckle at your expense. Sure, you can just picture it in your head – both soldiers sitting in Fury’s office, laughing at your expense, feeling sorry for you and planning your further embarrassment.

You are pulled from your thoughts when you are greeted by both of your co-workers in the office. 'You're in so early?' You inquire. 'Fury has a big meeting today, they're prepping for an away mission. That intel we got was geotagged so they have some possible locations to infiltrate' You can't believe it, you go away for two days and that's when the interesting stuff happens? 'Seriously? Who found it?' 'Well actually is was on the USB that you decoded after their last mission' you smile instantly, feeling really proud of yourself. You might be socially inept but you're damn good at your job! This feeling carries you for the next couple of hours until Natasha casually messages you to meet her for lunch.

You should have known that lunch was just a pretence to lure you in and talk to you about the Captain. Again. At first you are polite and hold the conversation but the more she pushes the angrier it makes you. She would never understand the humiliation you endured, but she tries to give it a positive spin and that only infuriates you more. ‘Oh give me a break Natasha! I'm sorry but what can you possibly know about feeling rejected! You have men drooling over you left, right and centre!' You voice cracking in frustration. Natasha waits a few seconds, her face turning red, her bottom lip shaking slightly, she appears distressed and you've never seen her like that before. You seem to have strike a chord… 'Oh you think you're so different, Y/N?!’ She hisses looking you straight in your eyes. ‘Because how can I possibly know what it's like to offer your heart and soul to a man to have it thrown back in your face?! It's not like I offered to give up my life and run away from everything just to be with someone! You have no idea what real rejection feels like, missy!' Her demeanour changing with every word, gone is the slightly shaken and nervous woman, she is gradually replaced with an angry one. The redhead practically growls the next words 'tell me something, Y/N, do you face a prospect of never being able to have a family?! Or maybe you can never truly be yourself in fear that one second of carelessness can destroy the life you've created?! Or maybe-' she's closing the gap between you, so close you can feel her breath. Droplets of her spit land on your face as she screams the last words 'maybe you've been brainwashed for years and incapable of human emotions?! Any of that sound familiar to you?! DOES IT?!' A single tear travels down your cheek. First from shock at her behaviour, then in realisation. You've only just remembered the time when Natasha confessed in you about the conversation between her and Bruce in Clint's house and you now feel like the most awful human being on earth. There you were moaning about a man who clearly just wanted to cheer you up, meanwhile Natasha offered you support when she's the one who had an actual pain to fight through. 'Natasha, I'm so sorry...' you begin but your voice is cracking, more tears stream down your face 'I'm such an idiot!' The redhead closes her eyes and takes a deep breath but you try to continue with your apology 'I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it must have been for you to go through it with Bruce... please forgive me!' Another sigh escapes her red lips. She's always immaculate, so well put together, even when just seconds before she was growling in anger, she's still looking as gorgeous as ever. 'Thank you, Hun. I'm not saying your situation doesn't suck but you can make it better. Just get your head out of your ass and go talk to Steve' she grabs both of your hands and smiles 'It's too late for me but you're still in with a chance' you smile back. Your eyes are fixed on her - this woman in front of you has been through hell and back, has to constantly watch her back and she's lost all hope in ever falling in love herself. But she's still able to have such compassion and a degree of optimism to cheer you on. You stand up and embrace her - you hug her so tight, one arm wrapped around her back, the other squeezing her waist tighter to yours. You bury your face in her hair and when your hips meet you squeeze her ever harder. And she reciprocates, giggling when your breath tickles her neck. 'I'm so sorry' you say but your words disappear in the air, muffled by her hair.

You don't know how long you stay in this position but it's the catharsis you both needed. When you finally pull away and look at each other your faces are blissful. ‘Dessert?’ Natasha sends you a cheeky wink which makes you laugh and you know all is well between you two.

Back in your office, for the next hour you focus on catching up with emails and planning for next days' work. You are though interrupted by the phone. It's Director Fury. 'Y/N? Could you come to meeting room 2, we've got some questions about the files, was wondering if you could talk us through them?' 'Of course, sir, be there in five!' You quickly tidy your desk and head out upstairs.

When you enter the room you are greeted by a little cheer. There's Natasha, Tony, Vision, Sam, Steve and Bucky. Fury jumps right in with the questions. You explain how you can tell from some of the images attached to files where the files were saved, which could give you an indication on a possible enemy base. Everybody is looking at you with interest but that's the attention you enjoy – when it’s strictly professional you don’t mind an audience. It’s when you become the butt of the joke you could just crawl into a hole. 'Thank you, Y/N, does anyone have any questions?' Steve raises his hand at Fury's prompt.

'Yeah, I got a question. Maybe after we're back from this mission I can take you for a drink?' Natasha smiles and nods at you encouragingly. You meanwhile blush a little, embarrassed to be put in the spotlight. Following Natasha's advice you decide to 'give it a go'. You smile widely and look Steve straight in the eyes 'Sound great! ... Captain' he chuckles at the official title. Then you hear a snap.

Everybody looks in the direction where it came from. Bucky just sits there, angry expression on his face and a broken pen in his right hand. Steve smiles even wider, then turns to you 'It's a date then!'

Has Steve redeemed himself?

Any feedback?

Do you guys want Part 4?

PART 4 HERE

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[betsynagler]

Documentary Must Win

(Photo by Peggy Sutton)

Last semester was my fourth teaching Documentary Production at Brooklyn College. My students ended up creating a bunch of really cool films on an incredibly diverse range of topics that reflected who they are — everything from the two homegrown fashion designers from Bed-Stuy to the challenges facing a young immigrant from Myanmar (the filmmaker’s brother), to a profile of a trans guitarist that explores the intersection between queer identity and punk music.

One of the biggest challenges with teaching today's crop of up-and-coming filmmakers, however, is driving home the huge difference between reality TV, promotional/branded content, and the wide variety of YouTube videos that more or less fit into one of those two categories on the one hand, and actual documentary films on the other. It's partly about technique. I have to practically shout at them, “Jump cuts or dissolves between pieces of an interview are lame and lazy, this is what b-roll is for, people!” Other common 101-type lessons are, “If a story doesn't need to include you, it probably shouldn't,” “A cute blooper, or a person introducing themselves in a cute way, is not an original way to begin your doc,” “Using on-screen titles to explain stuff is not visual storytelling,” and, “If you’re selling what you’re showing, it’s not a documentary.” These bad habits are ones that they see out there in that world and just adopt, because they've so internalized them as the way things are done that they think they're the way things should be done. I consider it one of my personal missions in life to teach them that those two things are not the same.

But the difference between “reality” videos and documentary is also about content, and that, I think, is the more significant problem. It's the difference between learning how to craft a story of out fact that intends to tell the truth, and creating something that purports to be real but is mostly fabricated.

This can be a difficult distinction to comprehend, especially when you're learning how our modern media sausage is made. One of the first things I was told in film school was, “Film is a lie.” What this means is that, because of editing, every film or video you ever see — everything but raw footage — is a construction. It's a creative work that somebody put together to communicate something, and, with the exception of experimental video, video art, and sometimes music videos, that something is usually a story of some kind. As human beings, we’re suckers for stories. We generally expect the building blocks of drama — action, characters, obstacles, conflict — in order to be entertained, and we like a beginning, middle and end that includes a dramatic arc for the main character to be satisfied. That we expect all this is not necessarily a bad thing, and you have to at least know about it to be an effective storyteller. It does not mean, however, that that’s all a story can or should do. Sure, you could tell a version of the hero’s journey over and over again — I mean, that's basically what Hollywood is in the business of doing, because it’s the easiest way to make money — but you can also tells stories that use these basic rules to take people somewhere they didn't expect. You can have an anti-hero (gasp), or more than one main character. You can (really!) have an unhappy ending, or an open-ended one that provokes the audience, and makes them keep thinking rather than turn off their brains. Just because the easiest answer, the crowd-pleaser, the lowest common denominator, often works, doesn't mean you have to take that road. In other words, all of these “lies” don't lie equally, and to say that they do is false equivalency. Most pieces of media tell a story that somebody chose to tell, and therefore have a perspective or a bias, but trying to tell a truthful story matters.

I think that, in these disturbing times especially, this is important. The concepts of truth and reality are something about which the whole country, and possibly the world, is more and more confused these days. I didn't consider it all that much in the months leading up to the election, or even immediately after it, not just because I was too busy drinking large quantities of alcohol and trying to pretend it didn’t happen, but because I've hardly seen anything of what’s on reality television or YouTube. I had never seen The Apprentice, which is part of what made Trump’s win so unfathomable, but I’m talking about something more than that. Yes, I occasionally see stuff that people post to YouTube thanks to my Facebook feed, or things my students have posted, or when I’m in the room when Damon is streaming people playing synthesizers (there are a lot more videos of that than you might think), and I know what YouTubers and Let’s Play videos are, but I don’t “watch” YouTube. I do watch Top Chef and Project Runway and some of their spin-offs (Masters, All-Stars, Junior, etc), but that’s pretty much it for reality TV. I’ll admit that, back when I had cable television, I would occasionally put on Bravo when there was nothing else, and so I would sometimes start watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, or The Millionaire Matchmaker. They were horrible shows, and I knew it, but they really were like car crashes: cheap, messy, loud drama that’s hard to look away from. Now that my household is fully on-demand, I don't see anything any more just because it’s on and I get sucked in. I have to consciously choose what I watch, and that has changed my habits a lot — and I’m not unhappy about it. It nice to not feel like you both have fewer brain cells and need a shower after putting down the remote. But this puts me way outside the mainstream of America. My friends and I talk about Stranger Things, Transparent and Orange Is The New Black (Project Runway will come up sometimes, but that’s an outlier). My work colleagues talk about Game of Thrones and Westworld (duh, they’re still mostly guys). When we visit my in-laws in Florida, though, the shows that come up in conversation are Dancing with the Stars and Shark Tank. The “characters” they want to talk about aren't Arya Stark and Walter White, they're Mark Cuban and that Indy Car driver who won DWTS and is back this season to defend his title.

The impact of this goes far beyond just dinner table conversation. When we were making Flat Daddy, we traveled around the country meeting and interviewing a ton of people, and it was surprising how many of them seemed like they should have their own show. This wasn't just because they were attractive or funny or had moving things to say. Many of them seemed fully aware that their banter and trash-talk, and even some of their confessionals, were prime-time-/streaming-ready, because they learned how to talk about themselves, how to create drama, how to be “personalities,” from reality TV. With some people, it took a while to get past that, to get them to be their actual selves on camera — not just the version of themselves that they thought belonged on camera — and talk honestly about what they’d been through and what they thought and felt. We generally did manage it, through spending lots of time with them. But I think now, nearly ten years on, this way of being that has been engendered by reality TV and YouTube, where everyone can have an audience, has gotten much more ingrained in our national psyche. The young people my students feature in their films (often including themselves) are very savvy about not just how to act on camera, but about the stories that they need to construct about themselves to get views. They often already have thousands of Instagram followers and their own YouTube channels, and there is a clear belief, evidenced in their behavior, that if you talk enough about yourself and present yourself on social media as if you are a thing — a successful designer, singer, actor, model, dancer, or designer-singer-actor-model-dancer — it makes you that thing. In other words, if you can sell it, you can live it. And often, in today’s world, where everyone has a camera, where celebrity is so unattached to ability, and where the line between famous and not is so porous and breachable, they’re basically right. And when fame and image and the ability to sell a message makes you into some sort of “talent” rather than the other way around, that’s when our view of the world and what has value gets drastically skewed. Things that should be taken seriously — love, in The Bachelor, The Millionaire Matchmaker and their ilk; a successful career in The Apprentice or Shark Tank — become entertainment. Things that we used to do to make our lives worth living are now being acted out just to make them watchable.

Of course it’s not just reality TV that has blurred these lines, it’s also TV and internet news, thanks to its rapid degradation of the division between info and -tainment and -mercial. Again, I believe we need news stories that are compelling to watch. It’s okay to take what happens in the real world and give it a shape and meaning in order to engage people, because if you can’t interest your audience in what’s going on, you’re just creating a filmstrip, a compliance video, something that people have to watch because it’s good for them, and you’ve already lost the battle to raise their awareness. So given that, the question then becomes, how much can you do to make the real into a story without making it no longer real? And by extension, how far is it okay for the media to go to make a story that may not be newsworthy into a news story, just to attract eyeballs or ratings or ads?

My point is that the more interests that get involved in making media that are not about presenting what’s real or truthful in an engaging way, and that bury that goal beneath another — promoting a viewpoint or product or person, or just plain making money — that’s when we start to get into trouble. Add to that that a large portion of America now thinks of reality not as something you seek to discover and understand better but as something you make true by believing it, and it’s no wonder that we’re having more and more trouble separating reality video from reality, and news from propaganda and advertising. Some combination of not being able to tell the difference and not wanting to know is making people believe the version of reality that makes them happy, even if they have to be heavily in denial to do so. Could it be possible that the bachelor is really in love with the girl he’s only known for two months and spent zero time alone with without a camera? Do the Real Housewives, or any of these celebrities who are “rich, but still just like us,” really live fascinating, glamorous lives? Is it okay for Sean Spicer to lie in a press conference, or for Kelly Ann Conway to promote Ivanka Trump’s brand on a news program, when both of these people are supposed to be speaking for the President of the United States? Any person who really considers these questions for two seconds would have to answer “no,” but people prefer to just accept the fantasy rather than look beneath it. Then they never have to comprehend the world’s complexity, because this version has been written out for them in really simple terms — good, bad, love, hate, win, lose, us, them, everything black and white. It’s easier to accept the answer that is just handed to us and reinforces everything we already want to believe than to actually try and understand and fix what’s wrong. And when we adjust our expectations to that, when we start expecting things to always turn out the way that’s most obvious, almost as if it’s been constructed to please us (because it has), it’s no wonder that we have the president we do.

There is a different way to tell stories from this. It’s the way that shapes reality without breaking it down. Good fiction does this when writers draw from life to create characters and situations that feel valid. But documentary, at its best, is the essence of telling a true and truthful story. It seeks to show the world the way it is, and in doing so, to edify and enlighten and provoke. Real reality is surprising. It’s often inconvenient or uncomfortable, and it doesn’t sound like a slogan. It just doesn’t.

It used to feel like these two versions of things, reality and “reality,” could co-exist, because it was just about television. But in 2017, we know better. Especially with public funding for the arts and sciences under siege — and hey, let’s just go ahead and say art and science in general given everything that’s being done to the NEA, NEH, CPB, IMLS, Department of Education, Department of Energy, EPA, NIH, CDC, NPS, etc etc etc etc etc etc — this is a war, and it’s one that documentary has to win. The question is, do we want to live in a reality video future, where media dumbs us down and scares us so that we can be spoon fed comforting “branded content” and “alternative facts” like baby food, and not care about anyone other than people exactly like us? Or do we we want to live in one where media shows us a wider world, makes us think critically and care about it, and question why it is the way it is and if we can make it better?