#it starts to feel weird when people irl refer to you as who you are with all relevant gendered language

[cats-in-the-clouds]

it’s all been said before but the whole pronouns thing for some people is getting so ridiculous it’s honestly just sad

[catboybiologist]

saw a call out post that said you used to be an alt-right reddit white supremacist edgelord prior to transition. is that true???

EDIT: HEY IF YOURE GOING TO REBLOG OR RESPOND TO THIS PLEASE REBLOG MY OTHER VERSION OKAY? Don't be weird about speaking over people whoa actually experience racism please.

Yeah yeah, this is bait, and I doubt that the callout post you're referring to even exists.

But seriously.

Have we not learned by now not to believe callout posts, especially about trans women?

Seriously. I'm only answering this ask as a PSA. People can and will invent shit about trans women all the time. I've made it on kiwifarms at least once, and don't care to check if its happened again. I'm not big enough to have organized crusades against me, but people write false fallout posts about smaller blogs all the time.

This is one mechanism that makes Tumblr feel increasingly hostile to trans women- false dog piles organized by transphobes masquerading as whatever they need to be to get the dogpile started.

Beyond online interactions, myself and many other trans women have transphobes that they knew irl who might be compelled to pull the same bullshit.

I thought we were beyond this.

If you want an actual response (although I feel like I shouldn't grace this with any):

Closest thing to this being true is that I was a pro-capitalist neolib when I was like, 15, and didn't really leave much online trace of it. Had a touch of new atheism type arrogance and "le enlightened" type stuff. Didn't fall down the alt right pipeline, and def was not a white supremacist.

That's over a decade ago.

My reddit femboy days predate my transition by two years, btw, and I was already well into my faggot leftism by then.

[gffa]

This is a long rant and I apologise if this comes off as too much 😅 I just want to let you know that I'm SO GLAD you're part of the star wars fandom. You're one of the few reasons my interest in this franchise has survived despite the toxicness that it has seeped into everything the past few years. Yes, star wars fandom has always been pretty much a mess but I feel like these days it's somehow gotten even worse. And there isn't even anything coming out that could distract everyone from the constant drama.

Your blog and your posts about the books are always a breath of fresh air in all this. I really appreciate that you take time to make all these long canon references and share them with us. And that you actually engage with canon content! For some reason that seems to be a tall order for most 'fans' these days.

It's exhausting seeing the ice cold takes about the jedi be repeated over and over again by people who seem to have barely even watched the films, let alone read the random book they're referencing to show how the jedi are So Evil and failed poor anakin by Forcing him to let go of his Attachments so they definitely deserved to all get massacred down to the last child!!! And if you push back by citing literally anything canonical to show how ridiculous their takes are they reference a random obscure legends novel (that they are often twisting and also usually haven't even read) And if you point out that, no, Legends isn't canon (and never has been) and we could discuss it as its own separate thing instead of dragging it into canon discussions, they completely flip and say they don't care and to stop taking star wars so seriously 🙄 ( u can probably tell I've had some pretty frustrating fandom arguments recently lol)

It does feel like groundhog day sometimes with the same arguments being repeated over and over again to villainize the jedi while absolving the genocidal mass enslaving space fascists that are Very Clearly the Bad Guys. And it feels pretty much deliberate at this point when people misunderstand star wars' canon definition of attachment and project all their issues in their own lives with their christian upbringing onto the space monks... This has only been exacerbated by people like Headland jumping onto the franchise and doing this with fuckass disney's approval, so now the racist anti jedi youtubers have started attacking this new anti jedi show so if I defend the jedi I get lumped in with them *sigh*

Anyway, I just listened to Padawan's Pride because of your posts and it was fun and a much needed palate cleanser for me after the months of anti jedi takes. I also started reading your jedi citations project and it's gotten me back into reading some other of my favorite jedi fics and maybe writing some of my own. So tldr; Thank You!

Oh, anon, I hear you and I went through a lot of similar feelings over the last few months. In between a lot of IRL stuff coming up and the fandom getting incredibly weird about Jedi fans (soooo much projection going on that it started getting unsettling sometimes) and the same old constant beratement on my posts, I was thinking that I was just too tired to deal with any of it.

It did get hard some days because it felt like no matter how hard I tried to be friendly and make a point to say that everyone needed to be allowed their space whether we agreed or not, that I would still get words put in my mouth or my posts misinterpreted or accused of trying to shut down other people's conversations, when I've never even interacted with that person, I've never reblogged anything from them, never talked about them, just made my own posts about the Jedi on my own blog.

That aspect of how, if we write posts that cite Lucas quotes or moments from the movies and shows, we're taking things too seriously (or the super weird one of how we're trying to "force" people to have to take Lucas' commentary as a holy grail or whatever), then we're taking it too seriously is SO REAL, I have been through that SO MUCH. And it's like, no! Nobody has to take authorial intention into consideration! But if you're going to say that I ~missed the point~ of what Lucas intended with the movies, I'm going to break out the Lucas quotes to show that, no, I didn't miss the point. You're still not obligated to agree, but the point is that I'm not coming out of nowhere with my views and deriding me as not a ~true fan~ or whatever is asshole behavior.

And it's hard to have that groundhogs day feeling, especially because you don't necessarily want to spend that time getting into arguments with people--they are allowed their own space, if they want it! But if they're coming into our space, then yes we get to respond with an essay if we like. (And, hey, some of us genuinely like writing essays, it's satisfying!) But I've found the best mindset for me to have when arguing is: I'm not going to convince this person in front of me and that's fine, they're not going to convince me, either. But there are other people watching this discussion and they are seeing which one of us is being a pill and which one of us looks kinda fun to hang out with.

Which is my way of winding around to what I really want to say--I'm so glad that I can help you want to have fun in this corner of fandom! There's always going to be times to respond with sharp edges to Jedi-critical stuff (especially when it starts dipping into the racist, xenophobic, bigoted nonsense)(not all of Jedi criticism is this, but it does happen all too often), I don't blame Jedi fans for having their nerves scraped raw by people feeling absolutely free to treat our posts like public property instead of them coming into someone else's lane to make a mess. (I've met some very nice Jedi critical people, this isn't about them, this is about the assholes.)

But is it really worth being in a fandom where that's all we do anymore? We can't avoid the negativity, we can't avoid people being assholes to us, but we can work on making the content we want to see at the end of a long day when we get home and log onto the computer and want to see something that makes us feel joyful.

I hope I'm doing my part to make it fun to stick around the fandom, to want to read some of the books or some of the fic, I love the artists who are drawing the cutest Jedi art, I love the fic writers who are writing great Jedi-positive stories, I love people who make silly shitposts about how funny the Jedi fan be, I love people who cry over the deaths of their favorite Jedi, they help make the fandom worthwhile.

It really does make a huge difference, I think! Whenever I need that same palette cleanser, I just take a week or so to push aside all discourse (don't even go look), just pick up some of my favorite Jedi fics, just go looking for some of my favorite Jedi art, reread "Padawan" or "Padawan's Pride" or "Obi-Wan & Anakin" or "The Living Force" or "Dark Rendezvous" and just spend time thinking about the things I love about the Jedi in canon, thinking up headcanons about lineages or nerdy Jedi philosophy arguments or adrenaline junkies, and it helps create the space I want to be in.

Hearing that I can help you with that is a huge boost as well--I hope you know that it helps me in return to know that we can help build something together here in our corner of the Star Wars internet. We're in this together and we can cheer each other up with cute content and I am getting out the pom-poms for you to have fun with that fic! <3

[snarky-art]

I swear I dont wanna be mean but why does everyone keep making stella fat. Why is it that the most attractive character, whom everyone finds beautiful inside the show, is the one who is always turned fat. Like... No one would find her attractive if her canon design was like that. I promise im not being mean but I feel like the artists are always projecting themselves onto Stella and wanting to be loved like she is, cause usually the ones making her fat are fat too, like I saw your selfies and you're a bit curvy. I promise im not being mean im just curious.

For starters, send me more fat Stella’s if you can I haven’t seen that many made and would love to see more varied takes on her appearances in redesigns.

Secondly, I made her fat because I think it’s nice to have the character that’s canonically considered to be the most beautiful girl in all of magix, a fashion icon in the magical dimension, a very celebrated trendsetter, be something other than the stereotypical concept of socially acceptable fashion tropes. She isn’t an hourglass, she has cellulite and stretch marks, she’s super pear shaped, and that can be and should be considered something to be normal, since they are, and shouldn’t be seen as things that need to be hidden. Having that put on a loud and proud fashion girly seems good imo and it can only really contribute to good stuff for body image stuff and representation. I did it so people like you could reconsider that beauty is something that comes in multiple forms and shouldn’t have to fit one type of standard. If we wanna get super technical too those standards also very from culture to culture and I image that’s extended even further in Winx club.

The girls are all aliens from different worlds. There’s bug people. There’s a lady in the miss magix episode that has tentacle hair, a blue body, and tentacle hands and feet. I highly doubt beauty standards in canon would be the same as what you’re saying, ie that no one would consider her beautiful. As if people who look like her irl also would inherently be considered not beautiful too. I know lots of people who have people that think they’re the hottest thing ever and they have all sorts of different body types and traits. Lets just call it realism lol

I’m not really projecting any of my physical stuff on her also, outside of I guess stretch marks and cellulite?? But I put those on other characters too so I don’t really think that holds up. I actually put my old body type on Flora since she’s my favorite, but now I’m way more midsized, like a slightly thinner Bloom from my stuff (love this unit of measurement gonna start using the gorls as a reference point for my appearance going forward lol). I’ve always had the “socially acceptable” fat type of body, ie hourglass with even proportions and a super snatched waist. I just think it’s tired and trite to constantly reenforce the idea that “the hot fashion one” needs to be tall and thin all the time, and if she is made fatter, that she needs to look like I did ie not much of a tummy with super equal proportions, big boobs, and a big ass.

Kinda related to that also, I made a post about a lot of character design “rules” too that I think are kinda outdated and annoying, at least to me, since I’ve seen them a million times. We all have. So I decided to do something different that I think would be good for normalizing traits outside of what we consider typically acceptable for that kind of character.

I’m already very loved also and don’t need to project anything on Stella lmaooo

I got multiple partners, great friends, do modeling, and am slaying with my own fashion and appearance stuff outside of that too. That’s all independent of whatever I’m doing with her physical body type when I draw her.

Gonna level with you also, you going “I’m not trying to be mean” doesn’t erase how weird this ask is. Sounds like you have your own gripes that you need to work through. Like, if you consider those traits on Stella ugly, that means you definitely have some internalized hatred for fatness, skin blemishes, scarring, and other peoples’ general appearances if they don’t fit some specific molds that aren’t realistic for the majority of people. Even if it is just genuine curiosity, being aware of this stuff going forwards and reevaluating how you view beauty standards and bodies in general would do you a great benefit imo.

Thanks for going through my old selfies tho it was pretty weird of you but at least make sure to leave a like on them. I looked hot when I was fatter and I look hot now too sharing this with the world is the least I can do💕✨💕✨

[95jezzica]

What is your opinion on SuFin from a Swedish perspective?

I think I've talked about this in the past, but I don't mind going into it again with hopefully mentioning at least SOME things I haven't already mentioned.

Now, I should start with the fact I personally really like SuFin, but used to HATE the pairing in the past because how the fandom portrayed them both. Nowadays I mostly keep to my own corner and only really talk with a few people, so I've grown to love SuFin more based on canon and my own ideas for them.

To be honest I tend to focus more on the Hetalia characters as persons in general with a few historical references/trivia, but honestly, they have a lot of potential together.

Sweden is sweet and shy, but he has mischievous and rebellious sides as well. He also cares a lot about the people around him. (This can especially be seen with how he constantly defends Iceland and how he interacts with Sealand and Ladonia). Though his feelings for Finland is canon he also doesn't pressure Finland for an answer/feelings in return.

Meanwhile Finland is a caring and kind person, and he's not afraid of constantly standing up to people who finds Sweden intimidating. Finland is the person who constantly recognizes that while Sweden "looks scary", Sweden is also a very kind person.

Now, in canon, we actually don't know if Finland returns Sweden's romantic feelings, but it's obvious they still care a lot about each other a great deal.

With that said, if they became a couple I think it'd happen closer to modern time, and while I personally headcanon Finland loves Sweden back, I also think it took Finland a long time to decide if he even wanted a romantic relationship despite his own and Sweden's obvious feelings.

Now, I don't believe (hws) Sweden himself would ever do something to hurt (hws) Finland, but we also have to keep in mind the Swedish leadership and government haven't always been very kind to the Finnish people. Being in the Swedish Empire wasn't great for (irl) Finland - for a long time it was just better than being under one of the other countries in the area.

Anyway, at best there would be a weird power imbalance between (hws) Sweden and Finland if they had a romantic relationship somewhere between 1000-1900, even if Sweden himself never intends/intended for it - not to mention homosexuality wasn't even accepted or acknowledged at the time as something fairly common.

Most people hc Finland as Bi or Pan, so Finland could likely "pass" in the past by showing interest in women and ignoring any of his feelings towards non-binary people and/or men. But Sweden is canon homosexual, who only really have shown romantic interest for Finland in canon. It's more likely Sweden (tried to) bury his feelings deep, deep inside to not literally get killed by people for who he is.

Fans also (STILL) love to joke/bring up Sweden calling Finland his wife, but in canon Sweden only did it ONCE and then stopped when Finland protested against it. No matter what you think Sweden's reason was for calling Finland his wife, he stopped after Finland told him No.

I repeat, Sweden STOPPED.

He respects and respected Finland. Sweden listened when Finland said he didn't want to be called "wife".

So yes, I think they'd work really well together and have a sweet and loving relationship - but it would take a long time for them to make anything official.

We have a LOT canon moments between them. Everything from them adopting Hanatamago together, Sweden getting kids, to them constantly visiting each other, and Finland constantly defending Sweden from people who finds his looks intimidating - just to mention a few things.

Honestly, they'd probably be an "inofficial couple" for YEARS before they became official, but they'd get there eventually. Through both good and bad they've been there for each other for +1000 years at this point.

They're nations, and they can afford to take it slow.

[daistea]

Okay, so you know how there's like, canon racism? (I'm not sure if that's the best word) between long lived and short lived species

Short-lived races are often infantalised, and theres even a canon lil manga panel they drew about how interspecies romance is viewed from both sides.

There's a manga panel where the canaries talk about what you should refer to short-lived races as with Mithrun saying they used to just refer to them as inferior back in his day (I love how offended the canaries look and how the fandom started using the "okay grandpa" meme for him after it.)

(I believe you've reposted both of them, so I'm assuming you already have thoughts™️ on this in that brilliant noggin of yours.)

How do you think this would tie with Mithrun either having feelings or being in a relationship with a human? Like, yes, he's just a product of his society, and he would probably try and change, but I feel like there's just a potential for such interesting dynamics and, like, thought disection.

Sorry for the long ramble, this got slightly out of hand

! Hehe

Disclaimer: My intent is to dissect Mithrun’s weird mindset and how the lack of desires affects his view of other races. Saying “it’s just how he was raised” is no excuse for irl people.

Anyway

I think the whole ‘inferior species’ response is a learned belief for Mithrun. As you said, he’s a product of his culture, despite not caring to adhere to his culture’s expectations anymore.

But I also think he truly doesn’t care. Like it’s a fact to him, short lived races are inferior, he feels no particular way about it because that’s just how things are. He wouldn’t give any thought about those social issues unless it was presented to him, then he’d speak his beliefs emotionlessly because, to him, they’re undeniable facts and there’s no issue.

If he fell in love with someone short-lived, though, I think it would set him off kilter a bit. He wouldn’t care what it looks like, or what others or society thinks. However…. It’s a challenge to what he was raised to believe. I don’t think he’d hesitate in the least, but he would be a bit insensitive to your differences at first, without meaning to.

Like, as an elf he views time very differently. You have to remind him how much more quickly things move for you, that he can’t take years to tackle a problem because you don’t have those years to spare.

He would still consider all short lived races inferior, and he’ll openly say that. He’s not ardently racist for the fun of it, but he’d make comments like ‘huh. A lot of those types here’ and you’re like sweetheart what? If applicable to the conversation, he won’t hesitate to call them inferior. Then he’d look at you and say ‘except for you’ which actually just makes things worse. Feels a bit ingenuine.

You explain to him that he can’t say those things. Honestly, he doesn’t really care at first. He’s like ‘well it’s fact.’ But once you express that that sucks and it hurts and genuinely upsets you, he’s like okay. Okay. He doesn’t get it still, but he’ll watch what he says.

I think he’d make an effort, in his own way, to start understanding. He’d hang around your family and friends. He’d connect with them on personal levels. And remember, his beliefs don’t feel personal to him, so it’s not like he hates anyone. He just doesn’t care to sympathize. But he cares about you, and one of his few desires is to give you what you want. So, he’ll try to defy his cultural upbringing for you.

As for falling in love with someone of a short lived race, like I said it would throw him off a little. He’d not think too hard about it, but in the back of his mind he’s like ‘am I okay?’ LOL

But it’s you. You’re you. He wants you so he’s not going to let race stop him.

It’s only when you explain like ‘Mithrun my culture and race has built who I am as a person and you can’t choose to be blind to that just because you like me’ when he decides to try a bit.

There’s also the lifespan thing. That’s his biggest issue. Sometimes, he looks at you and thinks ‘they’re going to die in 50 years’ and he holds you a little tighter, but doesn’t bother explaining why. It is not good for him. He’s attached, and detaching is not an option. He has no idea what he’s going to do.

Poor old man

[battlemaiden13]

If I had money I’d throw it at you to write even just like. A one shot of the anti harem fic you described.

It’s seems so scrumptious especially with all the set up with orange and y/n

Would love to get more insight on how their relationship would play out-

Maybe I should start taking commissions for my writing XD I’d love to be paid to write. Anyway here ya go!

Like Orange knows MC is not inherently evil or anything, he just hates that she’s hiding something as when people are lying it irritates him. She thinks her life is none of his goddamn business so she’s not telling him jack about themselves leading to this whole hatred between them. 

They game together so often! Like almost every night. It was just a coincidence that they found each other in their party one day, and then it kept happening so they became online friends before using mic to talk now. Neither recognise the other's voice because they are so friendly online and so stubborn in person. 

They have absolutely ranted to each other about one another before and neither of them have connected the dots. 

Even if neither of them have connected that their online buddy is also their arch nemesis, both of them are super perceptive and smart which only adds fuel to the fire of hate that they share. They are in some of the same classes and have a major rivalry over top of said class. 

Orange is totally crushing on his online friend even if he’s never seen what she looks like and as said in another post Orange’s friend Asgore keeps trying to set him up with the kid of one of his other close friends (who also just happens to be MC) but Orange keeps denying it.

Mc is the first to figure out that her online friend is the skeleton monster who hates her guts. Something he said that happened to her connects all the dots and she feels like an idiot. 

She starts being nicer to Orange IRL but he is super sus about that and she just feels like a moron. She wants to hang with Orange away from the computer screen but if she tells him he’ll think she had conducted some elaborate scheme to trick him and he’d be crushed.

Sucks that shes also acting weird online now and Orange feels terrible that something is bothering his crush. She asks him a hypothetical about if she was someone he hated in real life and he said he would never hate her. 

She’s going to confess to him but through a bunch of mishaps he figures it out first and is so distraught. Because on the one hand he doesn’t want to hate her and on the other she lied to him. The drama and misunderstanding is so huge that the two need to calm down for a bit

Then one day Orange sits next to her in the cafeteria at lunch. He starts ranting about a level he can’t get past and from there they become friends again with Orange defending her to the others which Blue does not understand. 

Side note! I think the MC for this particular story is going to be genderfluid (yay representation for me). I am referring to them as she a lot currently but in the future it could be they or he depending on the day or story plot points. She is probably their default too but I want the MC to look androgynous so they can dress either way. 

[dangopango00]

The Amazing Digital Circus and Escapism

A/N: Just watched and I LOOVEEEE cooking theories for these kinda of Youtube Series even if they turn out to be wrong so Heres the incomprehensible youtube comment I made just now bye

I like to put preliminary theories for series like this and my theory for this is that the circus is some kind of representation of escapism and/or maladaptive daydreaming

1. There's a shit ton of religious symbolism, maybe suggesting that the circus is supposed to be “heaven” although it has underlying hellish elements. For example, cain being portrayed as god and the fact that he doesn’t seem to really get why anyone would want to leave. In contrast, his name references the brother of abel who was cursed by god for his jealous rage. Not only this but, how everything is generally upbeat but there are momentary mental breaks when they are brought back to reality.

2. Reality is often blurred: The characters are real people but its suggested the lines are easily blurred like in the fact that pomni gets attached to a character that was never real to begin with or the fact that cain hints that it can be hard to tell the difference between real characters and npcs

3. Anecdotal but the fact that everyone seems to have a different vision for how the adventures should be played out: Jax wants action and violence, ragatha just wants something stimulating and pomni wants something comforting; the fact that jax gets upset when his vision isn't fulfilled feels very similar to mishaps when maladaptive daydreaming

4. Glitches and the video game setting overall: Idk if its just me but in maladaptive daydreaming its very easy for the mind to wander or mess up, causing a “glitch” in the story which I think is very similar to the glitches in the show

More UTC

5. The concept of VR itself is pretty much one step away from active escapism and although a bit of a stretch, I think the fact that the characters can’t take off their headset references their unwillingness to live in reality rather than actually being forced

6. Character behavior: How pomni goes from extremely weirded out to accepting and even slightly enjoying the circus feels very reminiscent of how it feels to first start maladaptive daydreaming as its an entirely odd thing to do but when you get into it it turns out to be fun and you keep doing it for hours. Ragatha is also interesting because she seems to ignore reality in favor of keeping herself sane, even ignoring devastating truths she realizes when she moves on from her mental breaks so quickly which is pretty much what maladaptive daydreaming is.

7. Exit: When pomni makes it to the exit and sees the desk setup with the headset, she began to lose her mind and instead of going forward to the next door she started going back (i think). I think this was her momentarily remembering how she felt like nothing in real life but in the circus she could be the main character (i think she struggled with feeling like nothing in the real world because of how much she brings it up and sympathizes with gummigoo, probably feeling like an npc irl) though either way she leaves the scene, likely not wanting to remember how her life was before.

8. Abstraction: Since we haven’t seen much of it Im still not completely sure but if I had to guess— I think abstraction is when you completely separate yourself from reality and live in a daydream full time since abstraction means “The quality of dealing with ideas rather than events” which is pretty much what escapism is; I think abstraction is likely a state of complete delusion as is hinted in the show by saying people who abstract are crazy

Overall I think the digital circus is probably either about escapism in general and/or a commentary on how we distract ourselves from serious topics almost as if we are children protecting ourselves from real life.

[phillipfancypants]

I wish I knew people irl who like Stormlight so i shall submit you all to my ramblings instead.

This song is so Kaladin coded and I feel like people more creative than me need to be aware of its existence.

My personal interpretation of the lyrics below the cut:

“There’s a voice that pulls me stumbling through a symphony // and the less of it I need the more I get” (the calling of honor and his need to do the right thing, even when it always ends up with him worse off than he started)

“Till I’m swept up by the shape of all the centuries // like an echo in the chambers of my chest” (his connection to the history of Roshar as a Knight Radiant)

“I think she fears I’ll be a servant to my history” (the “she” in this song reads very much as Syl to me. This is referring to every time Kal goes into a dark place when he thinks of all the people he’s lost)

“Or worse a slave to someone else’s misplaced doubts” (he’s often feeling he has to prove himself as worthy)

“And so I try to hard to kill what’s out to kill me// until I’m blind and hiding in the lion’s mouth” (he’s often blinded by his duty to protect himself and his companions that he ends up in over his head. This reads very much like book 1 to me with the bridge maneuvers)

“And the words she aches to hear pour through my canyon//and they’re singing in the caverns of my limbs” (the words are the ideals, also caverns makes me think of the chasms )

“And though I do my best to try to understand them // they only follow me like vultures in the end” (most of book 3&4 have Kaladin struggling to find and speak the fourth ideal. Also the symbolism of vultures being animals that prey on the dead. Kaldin’s 4th ideal is that there will be those he cannot protect, and the words follow him like vultures, surrounding those he’s lost)

“I once read that I should write something worth reading // or I should do something worth writing about” (these feel like the influence of Lirin and Dalinar on his life, Lirin wanting him to help people through the study of medicine and Dalinar encouraging him to join him in battles)

“As my ears they buzz like bees upon the ceiling//I start to pour a little more than I’m allowed” (all the feelings of what people want him to be and what he himself wants to be are overwhelming)

“I said our hearts know deeper seasons than our memories//she said this harvest might sustain us for a year” (this one is weird but I think it’s saying that the gut feelings of why you make the choices you do are more important that the logical reasons. Kaladin nearly breaks his oaths a couple of times doing what’s right, and Syl is telling him that this way of living isn’t sustainable for either of them)

“And of all the thousand ways the world could tempt me//I’ve never met a better fighter than her fear” (the world seems to be designed to make Kaladin give up, which is Syl’s biggest fear)

“So as I try to breathe the air that she is breathing//and we dance a lightless dance upon my floor” (idk I haven’t found a way to connect this yet other than that air and dance are often associated with Syl)

“I am yearning to tell her she’s all I’m needing//but I’m drowned out by all the noise outside the door” (the noise outside the door being all the directions Kal is being pulled in between his family, his squires, all of urithuru, his own depression, and everything else that I’m forgetting)

“Carried by the current of the morning//miles below the surface of the dawn” (Kaladin’s depression is like night, and the dawn is the light of being able to move on. Being miles below the surface, he knows a better world is up there, but it seems impossibly far)

“This is not the place that I was born in//that doesn’t mean it’s not the place where I belong” (he was raised a dark-eyed surgeon’s son and now is a soldier and a symbol of hope to his country. I love that the song ends with him coming to terms with his place in the grand scheme of things, and knowing that he is enough and he can protect those he loves)

[bettertwin1]

Hi, old follower here from before you had 100 followers. I've got a semi serious question for you.

When I first followed you, I got the impression that you were a RP blog, in the case where you would RP with your "brother" (bettertwin9000), so I followed the rules as such. But later on it seems that this blog is your persona? In terms of everything said to this blog is a personal question to you? It's a weird situation where people asking those intrusive questions make sense for a RP blog, but in a normal blog situation it makes it intrusive.

Tldr, I think many are confused if this is an RP blog or you having Leo as your persona, so can you confirm what this blog actually is?

OMG HI LONG TIME FOLLOWER!!

And, for the sake of things making a little bit of sense, as much as sense as we can manage, keep in mind that we have OSDD, we're a system-

PUTTING IT UNDER CUT CAUSE IT'S LONG 😅

At the start of the blog <- in which we were advertising it as a roleplay blog, it was being run by our host and partially by me though I had no clue what I was doing at the time and bettertwin9000 was being run by our partner <- (which btw, made for some strange asks)

We continued advertising it as a roleplay even when we began suspecting and having full breakdowns over the idea of being a system due to some little things and some big things and lots of research and therapy and blah blah BUT we kept going back on it cause tbh DID is a hard thing to accept and we didn't want it <- still don't

SO now I was trying to run the blog more all the while trying to keep us grounded, IGNORING the possibility of DID and thinking, nah, this is just a really bad cause of delusions and we NEED to get reality checked NOW.

But I ALREADY KNEW i'm not REALLY Leo from rottmnt, but I am him, I was formed from that guy, created? Idk. He made me in his own image type reference audio. WOW IM NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING 😭😭 did I mention we have a tendency to overexplain <- but specifically for me in the case of explaining things that are hard to explain, ANYWHIZZLE.

We kept going back and forth, confirming and denying the conclusion "we have osdd" cause that's terrifying and while this was happening I was still trying to force us to post and interact and involve ourself in arcs for the sake of distraction from EVERYTHING happening irl and the blog kind of made it worse but in a light hearted way cause suddenly the asks became really gross, and I felt really gross.

Sure, maybe someone who was roleplaying Leonardo would have no trouble answering asks about dead relatives or near death experiences or villains that have physically harmed you and your 'siblings' or about my crippling inability to speak about feelings and whatever else people diagnosed me with on here but I was having trouble answering it, I was getting uncomfortable and I was feeling genuinely overwhelmed because everything that definitely would be great material for a roleplay account was making me just feel, bad. <- which wasn't great considering at the time, feeling bad was not something i could have been affording to do

SO at some point, I started putting boundaries, didn't explain why, just continued under the guise of hey, roleplay guy here, the intruvsive invasive asks about my family and my mental health and my anatomy is making me want to die so please stop andbonly ask fun stuff like idk, if i put salt in donnie's coffee sometimes and everyone was like, yes leonardo in unison.

Then I slowly started getting more adamant on pushing the narrative that I am LITERALLY Leo from the show cause pushing that seemed to really help with the questions, and then the roleplay blog became more like. A personal blog for some dude who happened to be a ninja turtle alter and it'd unfortunately gotten so out of hand that explaining this now kind of made us even more exhausted cause oh man, we might get fake claimed huh <- we had worse things to deal with, internet drama didn't need to be added to this.

Anyway, if you read through all that junk, i'm sorry 😭, but i think it helps explain why the impression of the blog is so confusing cause it was being run by two ppl, a host and an alter who were constantly trying NOT to be those things until pretty recently when we started accepting the fact that we have Osdd

SO TIMELINE.

The blog starts off as an rp blog by our host and I unbeknownst to us both

The blog is fun and we start gaining traction

We also start gaining more mental health problems and have a full breakdown multiple times on many different social medias

We push through to cope

We talk to the other blog runners who are systems <- (Mikey, Raph and at the time when their account was apart of this, April) and they kindly answer and guide us through some things

We start adding boundaries for my sake

We talk to other systems on other social media and they help us with more stuff

We talk to our therapist

We do a ton of research on top of old research we'd apparently already done before <- suddenly we have a long document with so much information

We tell no one about the discovery when we start accepting the possibility

More funny stuff ensue and personal life things happen <- #ONLYTHEREALONESKNOW!

The only announcement I ever make that i'm an alter are one off comments in tags or answers that I never address again until I make an intro post that says I'm an alter in a system

The blog is what now?

The blog is still a roleplay account. Sometimes, canceled arcs that we would have done would have been considered roleplay <- a canceled christmas arc. But usually, this is just a blog. Like, this is just a blog I use to entertain people and to get some of my thoughts out like a singlet would. It's both i guess, it's whatever I want it to be and whatever you guys consider it to be.

The blog is just, my blog, I don't know how else to explain it 😅😅

Also, Bettertwin9000 was pretty much going through the same thing at the time and fun fact, he is actually my "brother" cause he's a Donnie alter <- (yay!)

Shoutout to the host who has their own blogs that they never really post on! couldn't have done it without you! <- and the many kind individuals who gave us their research material and links and answered our questions and stuck w/ us through the most confusing part of OUR LIFE

Srry again if this didn't answer your question like at all by the way, i THINK it at least explained some things but you know 😭 SORRY IDK

[ryuichirou]

Hello, 💜🌹 anon here! I don’t send asks too often but I’m pretty sure that’s the emojis I used lol.

Idk if you’ve been asked this before but was there ever a point you felt apprehensive or nervous about making NSFW art? If so how did you work through it? It’s ok if you don’t have an answer or it’s too personal. I’m just looking to work through some of my own hang ups so I figured I’d ask.

-💜🌹

Hi, 💜🌹 Anon ! It’s good to hear from you; thank you for your ask!

I think I talked about a similar topic at some point, but I since it’s been a long time, I don’t mind talking about it again.

To be honest, I feel like I only had moments of doubt and anxiousness when it comes to sharing art, not creating it. Over the years there were periods during which we wouldn’t post any smut at all, and sometimes we would gather some courage and start spamming it, some other time we created a separate acc for nsfw stuff; I feel like we went through everything lol But no matter what happens with our posting, I’ve always been drawing smut behind the curtains. Fortunately and thankfully, when it comes to art, for the most part I am pretty shameless lol

I was the most nervous about drawing spicy stuff back when I was a teen because I really wanted to start doing it, but it was very intimidating + I felt like I was doing something bad, like I wasn’t supposed to draw it because of how young I was + because it’s inappropriate in general. It’s silly to think about this now… But my very first nsfw sketches had this stupid censor round emoji-like thingie that Katsu absolutely fucking hated LOL

I wasn’t even posting this stuff anywhere, Katsu was the only one who saw those sketches! Who I was censoring it for??

In actuality, I think it was me being very shy about drawing explicit stuff, so those ugly things kind of helped me to get used to drawing smut.

To answer your question… I think it depends on why you have those hang-ups and what exactly prevents you from drawing things that you want to draw.

If it’s that you are not confident in your skill, then don’t worry about it and take it easy. One good thing about nsfw is that it’s pretty fun to study, be it irl/photo references or other people’s art.

If it’s you being uncomfortable or embarrassed, try not to stress yourself out too much; similarly to what I did, draw something that isn’t as embarrassing to draw: a lot of people draw hot stuff without ever picturing genitalia. It’s art, after all.

If you feel ashamed, please don’t be? I know I make it sound easy, but smut and kinky drawings/stories are a pretty natural thing. Even artists who are known for drawing cute things or animating cartoons have a lot of nsfw drawings, the majority of which we’ll never see lol

If you are anxious about sharing your stuff, then don’t do it for now or create a small locked acc for it, or just draw for yourself and your friends for some time. You know, low stakes, high rewards – you’ll develop a habit and comfortability, which is a very important base to build before diving into this.

Whatever is the case, ask yourself whether you really want to draw it or not; because ultimately this is the only reason that matters.

Oh! Watch “Quills” (2000), I feel like it could also give you a nice morale boost lol At least in terms of realising that there is nothing weird or unusual in this kind of interest…

If you want me to elaborate on any of those points or have any more questions, please let me know.

Thank you!

[quadrantadvisor]

I always find the different ways that people characterize Dirk really interesting, but what I think is most fun is like. He literally never learned how to make facial expressions. Like it's the post-apocalypse and he has autism and he's watching all these videos of this one guy who has purposefully cultivated a deadpan affect. He sees his bro doing interviews and shit and he's like, "ah yes, I have to learn how to make exactly one(1) face" and he practices it in the mirror and that's it.

So his friends meet him irl and there's something slightly weird about how he talks, monotone, and yet each word feels somehow emphasized, because of course he practiced that, too. He recorded himself, trying to make absolutely certain that he was pronouncing everything correctly, because he cant ruin his image by fucking up something so simple as talking. So now he's speaking aloud to other human beings for the first time in his life, and he's talking about how fucking psyched he is to see everyone and he's being entirely genuine and his face just. Does not emote. Not like he's carefully controlling it but more like he wouldn't even know how.

He is weird and off-putting and other people don't know how to deal with him. Roxy gets used to him the fastest because she's got basically no frame of reference and is also weird as fuck from being in a post-apocalypse. And Jane and Jake aren't far behind because they aren't that shitty and also Dirk has always been a pretty weird guy and this is just a part of the authentic Di-Stri experience.

People who are used to Dave and his general m.o. of avoidance and repression have NO IDEA what to do with Dirk. You can't look for tells; there are none. Everything he does feels equally intimidating and performative. You generally have to take the things he says at face value except for when he gets to lost in some introspective shit and starts in on some complete bullshit, or when he's fucking with you. Strongly believe that Karkat cannot stand talking to this man. Rose adores him. Dave is the only one who doesn't seem particularly off-put by his behavior and is just glad that he practices emotional honestly. Compared to Bro, Dirk is an open fucking book. Sometimes it's hard to get him to stop talking about his feelings.

[greenerteacups]

Thoughts on sydcarmy? (figured i’d ask since you mentioned the bear in one of your asks.)

[normal person voice] THOUGHTS ON SYDCARMY? YEAH I GOT A FEW

To start from the beginning, I've been watching the Bear IRL as it airs, so I've been through all the hiatuses between seasons. And in season 1, I was the conductor of this ship. I was on the train basically from the minute they have that first bit of cooking synchrony in like episode 2 and my obsession with the coworkers-to-lovers trope perked its nose up, but I was promoted to captain when I saw the scene at the end where he grounds himself through a panic attack by thinking about her. Which — hey, by the way, sidebar? Directed to the writers of The Bear? I'm totally on board with the 'let's have more platonic bonds between men and women' stuff, I get why you like that story and want to write it, and seriously, platonic sydcarm, that's cool. That's awesome. But also: visualizing someone's face to anchor you through a panic attack — while in real life not at all inconsistent with platonic friendship — is an extremely loaded scene to drop in the middle of a narrative where the two characters in question have demonstrable chemistry and an intense but ill-defined bond, and your audience, which has been trained to close-read male-female relationships for signs of romantic interest, is going to read that scene as romantically intimate, if not sexual in nature. And they're not, like, ship-obsessed or whatever for thinking that. The visual language of your product does not exist outside of the cultural lexicon where it is being presented, regardless of your intentions. Anyway. [Sidebar over.]

Season 2, and especially the introduction of Claire, seemed to me like a Doylist way to address the SydCarmy train. The upshot to this is they do use this to talk about Sydney and Carmy being Weirdly Intimate Business Partners, and you get a lot of references to Sydney's jealousy, her disgruntlement with Claire, and Carmy's struggle to fuse the two worlds. The downside is that Sydney and Carmy no longer feel like the epic power chord at the center of the show, because Carmy's been shifted into this internal battle between Claire (who in many ways represents being Out of the industry) and Sydney (who, whatever else you can say about her, is very much In). And unfortunately for Claire, Sydney is just way better written. Like, I really did try to be fair to Claire, but it's not even close — and man, I didn't even feel like the writers were trying. Claire and Carmy's crush on Claire are introduced to the audience at the same time, and from there, she has zero scenes without Carm being either present or the subject of conversation. And like, that's so weird, on a show where almost everyone is rich and well-developed, and even the extended family in Fishes get little nods to their internal life. And I — I'm rambling. Point being, I think Season 2 took the wind out of SydCarmy's sails by making their dynamic antagonistic and strained by Carmy's obvious romantic interest in someone else, so I went into S3 with guarded optimism.

And then, like... okay. I'm a Sydney fan before I'm a SydCarmy fan, right? That man's cute and all, but she's the protagonist of this show for me. And at this point, I really do think the best thing for Syd is to get out of Carmy's orbit and go do her own thing. I don't believe in people being "too traumatized" for relationships to work, so I think a lot of the people blowing off Carmy as being "not ready" for love this season are full of hot air — but I do believe that Carmy's trauma is specifically impairing his ability to empathize with and care for Sydney, a fellow restauranteur and subordinate chef/protege, in a way that would make any iteration of their relationship satisfying to me. Getting him to that point would require the writers to dedicate a lot of storytelling and character development in a creative direction that they don't seem to be interested in. They are clearly interested in other things — worthy things! Cool things! Things that can make for a good plot! — but at this point, I was only interested in a version of SydCarmy that existed for about five minutes in the first 1/3 of the show, and it's time for me to face the music. I'm really excited to see where they take Sydney, though. I still trust the writers to do her justice, because they clearly know what a rare thing they have in her.

[sugoiney-weaver]

I think the cool thing about the Helldivers 2 fandom is that a lot of people who don't usually RP (myself included) are engaging with the game and the community by RPing. I see it a lot in Reddit comments, and I do it myself (I haven't played in 2 weeks while travelling IRL. I tell people I'm on shore leave)

It has created a pretty cool community that takes glitches, outages, misbalances, leaks, spoilers etc in good stride. There's a fun back and forth when we aren't taking these things seriously.

We come up with in-world explanations for in-game weirdness like the Schizophrenia Bug (PTSD). We see references to, or appearances of, things that maybe aren't supposed to be in the game yet, and we take it to the forums and get dismissed and told we've been on the frontline too long. If you start to wax philosophic about "we're the real bad guys" you're liable to get kicked from the squad for treason, but everyone's laughing about it.

But I think that we're triggering Poe's Law. It's impossible to tell who is just kidding about all the "Freedom Freedom Freedom OY!" and who is actually a fascist that feels accepted, emboldened, and encouraged by this painfully obvious satire.

And this is why Arrowhead needs to add pride flag and antifa capes (or other cosmetics). Before they add national flags we gotta make sure these fascist dweebs know that they're playing with a bunch of... Uh...

Aight I don't think I'm allowed to finish that sentence so I'll allow you to add your favorite reclaimed slur

[lesbianneopolitan]

hey why do you like Neo so much lol. No hate, just curious cause like, there are so many characters in RWBY I just wanna know why you (and a shocking amount of others apparently) identify with her so much

I've been asked this before, but because I was also recently asked on Twitter, I'll answer it again

Everything started with V2- Neo's design and personality caught my eye, yeah, her personality and the fact she was a sadist despite being presented with softer and 'cuter' colors, that's what I liked most at first

Even if her character wasn't thought to be part of the main story, the show gave me enough to end up liking Neo even more. And before I realized it, I caught up with V8 and not long after they gifted me RWBY Roman Holiday

Learning about Neo's past managed to make my brainrot worse, mainly because it managed to make me see myself reflected on Neo even more (for one reason or another)

I really loved witnessing her descend into madness due to loneliness and revenge, or the fact she isn't a good person (even if she suffered in the past, I think the book and the show made sure to make clear the bad tendencies that Neo has, independently to how much she has suffered, she's a chaotic person)

I also really REALLY LOVE her Semblance and I wish I had it lol

They also ended up referring to her as the Mad Hatter on occasion, reference to Alice in Wonderland (another of my main interests), and that gives points- part of her fighting style is based on fencing (my favorite kind of weapon and sword is the rapier)- everything just feels like perfection

And all of this without the necessity of Neo speaking, because she's mute

I just, love this bitch

On the topic of WHY I identify with her, though, it's probably mainly mental illness and trauma, as in, this is a topic I've talked about with my therapist before. I've noticed how a good bunch of women I know that are traumatized and are mentally ill tend to identify more with the villains than they do the heroes, and for each of us, there may just be part of our traumas that are comparable to certain fictional characters even if sometimes the reactions of the fictional characters are often more exaggerated and stuff because, well, they're villains lol

In Neo's case for me, there's also small things like my hyperphantasia compared to Neo's Overactive Imagination, or the fact Neo had an imaginary friend when she was younger that was an alter ego and a side of herself (when I was younger, I too had an alter ego that was the part of me that I couldn't express irl, born from the trauma I suffered), and while I personally headcanon her mutism to be a physical problem (vocal cords), my anxiety and certain stressing situations make me go mute, so I thought the fact she's mute is pretty cool

There's deeper stuff, like relating to how ashamed her own parents were of her for how she was, who she wanted to be, having parents that controlled her a lot, or that feeling of feeling lonely even when in a crowd of people because people keep pointing at you and saying how weird you are for being different, despite trying to be friendly

Or when it comes to relationships, I could also understand the struggles of being so attached to one person, that you try to fill that void with someone else almost desperately once losing them

The thing with the Curious Cat, despite being fictional possession, also reminded me too much of my sexual abuse (entering by the mouth made me really uncomfortable- hell, I did break for a week, in a way, and the loss of control of someone's body to be at the mercy of another reminded me of those dark times too), so I just got an extra reason to identify with Neo in this V9, it's why I gave my Neo's design 'scars' from that incident (physical changes, that to me are a representation of PTSD scars left behind and that you have to learn to live with)

I also have a tendency to identify with some characters that want revenge or are lonely- the revenge part because the person that abused me most in life didn't get any kind of punishment, so it's cathartic when fictional characters can have revenge instead (independently of the target being the real problem or not) and BRUH, there are possibly more things I'm forgetting, but I think the ask already got long enough to know there's a good bunch of psychological and spiritual factors between me and Neo that made me so attached

It's one of those cases in which it feels like, 'Neo was tailored for me' even if I'm obviously not the only case lol

[sheshe-cartoonlover]

Heyy! Here I'll uploading my sketches of different cartoons!!

Orrrr...

Different ideas or thoughts of different cartoons :D

Well, things like that...

Almost all about cartoons :))

Also... Can you see my pfp? 'Cause I uploaded It many times, but I can't see It TvT

Sooo... I forgot to upload my description and I prefer to write what I'd write there directly here!

About me:

You can call me... Basically any way you like, SheShe Is okk too :))

Orrr... You call me Rain or something like that... I usually use that! It's my art name...? Kind of...

Okk, let's move on!! I'm 15yo... Too much... Too much... I think I've missed two or three birthdays, because sometimes I wake up thinking I'm 12yo... Yeahh, that's It! Just ignore all the "..."! It's just not really how I talk irl, but I can't really talk how I talk irl, maybe I'll leave a vocal thingy here someday, since I desperately want to talk!! My English Is bad, remember that! I'm a B2, I think?? I don't really know my level, I just know I can read B2/C1 books, well, I usually mess up with few/little and many/much... When writing or speaking. Talking about my pronounce, It Is well, really meh... You'll hear that laterrr!

I wrote this poem just for saying that I'm 15yo! Oh, my!

ANYWAY, yeah, I know I repeat things often, I'm totally self-conscious about that and I apologise! But... I TRY, but I can't not do It!!! It's sooo hard! It's like talking slowly! Who on earth Is able do that?

Oh, let's come back to myself ✨

I'm Italian and I'm REALLY can't take It anymore with all the hotness hereee! It's like 40°C degrees, I hate the Sun! Sorry, Sun, I love your complexion... But not your role, still don't explode, pleeeeeease!

After that little talk to myself with the Sun, you probably stopped reading, I'm not even asking myself why! If you are still reading, I think you must know that you're not even halfway, because I may have been lacking of social interactions these days and when that happens... I talk to myself, so why don't be even crazier! Talk to random people who may encounter my post In this sea of posts (worst metaphor ever, I know) and ask themselves why? Why would she do that?

OHHH, RIGHT!! I'm a girl! Pronouns She/Her, I don't really like to be referred as He/Him, so please remember that, I won't be mad If you don't, but... Don't be offended If I'm having a bad day and I tell you something, like "I'm actually I girl!!", I apologize here, sorryyy 😓😓...

Let's move onto Sexuality, should we? (Yeah, we definitely should, I know, I'll tell you how many words are there In this poem at the end, which Is... Uhm... Pretty far!)...

ANYWAY (I'll using a lot of anyways to reconnect myself to the MAIN conversation here, yeah, I know It's just a conversation with MYself!)... Counting of anyways at the end!!

ANYWAY, I'm In the ARO/ACE Spectrum, I know for sure I'm Apothisexual but... What about romantic orientation? Something In the ARO Spectrum for sure, just not Apothiromantic, since, I'm not romance-repulsed... I mean, I don't like romance on myself, like kisses are a big no and, I'm not perfectly fine with physical touch either... But, I really love others romance!! Literally like every fangirl!! But I don't know If Apothiromantic to that!? So I'll be sticking to Aromantic or [Fictoromantic], even though I prefer Apothiromantic, referring to how I feel about romance with ME...

I'm a cartoon addicted, I don't watch anything If not cartoons!! (No, but I mean for real)... I'm starting to become real-people-repulsed, well not for real, I love my friends, but, I just wish we were, like, animated better? It's difficult to explain, maybe I'm just weird... I literally can't watch shows with real people If not at the theatre, because I feel like repulsed... I get bored In some minutes...

ALSO, things for which I'll probably get bullied at school If I tell anyone, I'm afraid of blood, like a lot... Not mine... But others'... Yes.. Even If It's just the slightest sight of blood... If It's drawn I still have problems, but less, like I can convince myself that It Isn't blood, so my head doesn't start going crazy and almost fainting or... I just look away :D!

TPD doesn't have much blood, luckily and... Only on dark scenes, most of the times, so I say to myself: "It Isn't blood... It's Isn't blood..."

That's like:

Me: "It Isn't blood... It's Isn't blood..."

Viren: "The Son's Blood..." or "The Blood of The Soon...", I'm not sure!

Anyway!!

Me: "IT'S NOT BLOOD! IT'S NOT BLOOD!"

So, well, sometimes I actually believe It... And It's working! When Viren did that disgusting hearth thingy I don't wanna remember, at first, I didn't even think It was blood... Well, then yes, so I started looking away or looking at the background ehe...

This Is starting to feel like a personal diary-

ANYWAY, where were we? I don't even remember...

Oh. Right!!! My lucky number Is 17!!!

I won't tell you ALL my personality typings, just know I'm a ENFP E2w3, ok?

Wanna know something? Ask In the comments below!!

And no, It's NOT the end... Just lemme find a topic, because I really want to talk... You can see how crazy I am by the fact that I literally have a chat with myself on TextingStory free version, 'cuz I have no money ✨✨

Wanna see some of the chat???

I guess not, but I wanna show y'all!!

Nevermind, It's more embarrassing than this whole thing...

I'm working on MLP tarots with myself, anyway!!! I have just 2 cards ready for now, well "ready"... I have just 2 doodles of the concepts... I have 0 - The Fool - Discord and I - The Magician - Trixie, but I have to color them digitally and It's gonna be a pain since... Well, let's say I'm not the best with digital art... But still, I should be able to trace and color, right?? Yeah, I don't think so neither, but we'll see after I have all the 78 cards ready!!!

My idea Is to give each card a different character, according to their story or just something near to their story, since finding 78 DIFFERENT characters was hard... Actually 85, but shhh, just because two cards need 2 characters and one needs 3... Not really the best things ever... Finding the Kings was the worst ehe... At least now I can say my favourite seed Is CUPS!! And that If you get 5 Is bad... Also Death!! Death Is worse... I already decided all the characters yesterday, did I already tell you that?

Anyway...

I know It's bad, I just tried... Ahahahaha

They are the same size anyway, don't let yourself be fooled by the pictures and for the King/Queens and Empress/Emperor you'll see... I'm not a PEDO!!! I don't actually ship them! They are just characters that fitted In, Kings and Queens are not related! Nor are the Empress and the Emperor!!

Fun fact: I have 8 full notebooks I made In 3-4 years... Maybe 2? It feels so weird... I didn't change In these notebooks, just In the last ones, I understood myself better... Since I write as Rain, not as She... Yeah, She Is a real life nickname people give me, so well, SheShe too... I really became more mentally ill In these years... But also a lot more like In this post... In my notebooks, I put all my weirdness and I feel happy about It, I don't know If It's good or not...

I'm also dark, sometimes, thought, honestly... Like I really want my parents to divorce, like I want It, I'd be happy and out there there are people who maybe have PTSD due to their parents divorce... I feel cruel for this...

ANYWAY!!! LET'S TALK OF LIGHTER THINGS!! Even thought, my playlist playing "Different Beast" creeps me out, If the next It's "Monster", I'd be sad for my own cruelness... I'm trying soo hard to be KIND, KIND AND KIND... People say: "Don't be kind or you'll be used!", but what If I like being used??? What If I'm fine with It and I take joy In being used, because I know that my being used does something good to others, while my not being kind, hurts them? Like sometimes I don't understand people, I usually thought that this thing of using was realistic and helpful, but some months ago I realised I wrong I was! Anyway, yeah, people use me or think about using me, even not voluntarily... One time, one of my classmates told me: "You do everything people tell you, you're so usable"... I told him "I know" and I laughed, "It doesn't bother me" - I said.

Anyway my YouTube FYP, because yes

Sorry, It's In Italian 😓😓

Anyway, "No Longer You" Is playing, It's even more even depressing than "Monster"...

Anyway, even If It's the song which scares me the most In all EPIC, "Monster" Is my favourite song In The Musical!!!

Anyway, my current favourite cartoon Is MLP: FIM, well, actually from a lot of years, but... Still love It!!!

I'll finish this ✨ Poem ✨ later

I'M BACK! I'M BACK!!

OK, so I thought you may be asking why In my notebook I have a date of day that still has to come (5/4), I wish It was because I'm from the future, but It's because I'm a dummy... In my notebooks, I always put dates that has to come, It's because they're Rain's notebooks, not She's notebooks and In Rain's world the time works different... It's never the same date as today, It's always the future, but really random... Like sometimes In a day I put 2 or more different dates orr, one day I put the date of 2 days after and some days even a week or a month... This started with a date of months later, but I was busy, this date arrived and well, the dates came nearer ehe...

I'm loving writing this essay, like It's really awesome, It's like a therapy!!! Quite like VAT7K, which helped and Is helping with my loneliness and fear of abandonment... See, I don't know If you want to read my psychological talk... There aren't a lot of who would want to... At least, when I talk about that with my Mom I feel worse than before... But, maybe with you? I talked about It with other friends... Really... Almost everyone, even If I tried to make It seem A LOT less a pain than It really was, because... Because that's what my Mom makes me think... Like, I don't wanna become a drama queen and give the impression that ONLY I suffer, I don't know, my Mom always says that "No one wants to be your (mine) friend, because you're (I'm) always like this"...

Like, I love to talk about psychology and things I like, but when I talk with my Mom or my Grandma, my Dad... I feel so non listened and dumb for even having started that dumb conversation that... I started to not talk about my Interests with my friends or, even when I do It, I feel like even If they reply... They seem Interested... Their smile Is fake and they are just annoyed, bored and uninterested just because of me, so I stop... And change topic...

ANYWAY, I'm making this whole thing seem like It's my Mom fault, but no, she's good!! She doesn't just realise she's not really the mother she wishes to be and I'm not the daughter she wants ehe... But she's a lot of fun!!! I definitely prefer her to those bratty Moms all about pretty dresses and ugly long nails... Augh... (SORRY IF I ACCIDENTALLY INSULTED YOU!! If I don't like long nails or dressing pretty It's just me, not you, you are not a bad personality to me just because of that, you're even better than me, because you actually care about you look, while I don't... Well, I do... But In my ways... Anyway, I love y'all anyway!! Remember, It doesn't matter how you dress, y'all are still beautiful!!! I just don't want a Mom who tells me to dress pretty, while I don't to ♥️)!

Hey!! Wanna know I dress and how I WOULD dress If I could?

I'll show some things from Pinterest!!! You're completely free to not like It, of course, I have not seen anyone with my style so far... Well, maybe my BFF, but I'm... Well, even more colourful and self expressive than her!!

Ohhh, I can't wait to show youuu! I need to find someone with my style!!!

First, this kind of oversized hoodies, all with bunnies images like this one! But, figure them In a different colour, like... Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red and with a big pocket right below the bunny!!!

This would be a good example of a T-shirt I'd wear, same colours (Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red, some white), always with Bunnies!!!

Always long shirts.

I'd wear this kind of shirts/hoodies with cartoon characters too, but It's too embarrassing ehe...

For the pants, sweatpants or leggins!

Same colours are before, you know Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red... Ehe... They are my colours... Yellow too, thought!

-

Now It's summer here, soo, I just wear this kind of shorts, but with the colours you know, but I'll repeat: Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red...

And I also wear singlets like these, same colours (Dark or Light Pink/Lavender/Red)!

For the HOT SUN I also always have this...

NO WAYYY, 10 IMAGES LIMIT?? THIS IS INSANE!?

Sorry, guys, I'll delete the MLP picture... 🥲

Yeah, I wear this and I probably look dumb and really funny, but It's really useful (yes, I got the idea from that MLP episode)...

And a fan!!! I always bring my fan!!! Oh, and I always bring my rucksack!!! I have to make you see It!!! I'll delete the leggings image... You know how leggings are made, after all, right?

I have to give you an idea of how my rucksack looks like, sorryyy!!

It's similar to this, but It has longer ears and It's more colourful, It had mixed light blue, lavender and light pink... Mine also has a tail and paws... The base colour In the back, which here Is light pink, In mine Is lavender... Also mine has A LOT of keychain... AHHH!! I HAVE 2 MLP KEYCHAINSS!!! 1 Scootaloo and 1 Twilight, they arrived two weeks ago, then an heart carved In wood, two bracelets from the Camping I go on Holiday since I was born: one from last year (ocean blue), and one I'm using this year (Pinkie's mane pink)... Also 2 Scooby-Doos, which are those things with Intertwined threads, I don't know?? I translated this word, Imma be honest here! Also there I have a Marmot small-sized plushie with a tiny bow, a lavender butterfly 🦋 and my school's keychain!! It should be everything... You don't wanna know what's inside, but sure there are plenty sticks... I'll probably use them to make magic wands once I get home, since I need some!! Did I mention I'm Into witchcraft!!!

All the photos are from Pinterest!!!

I got an Ideaaa!! I'll make my own diary on Wattpad, best therapy ever!!! Maybe I'll make some friends too...!! I can't wait!! Even If as a format... I love Tumblr more... But... YOU CAN PUT JUST 10 IMAGES IN A POST??? WHATT??

Anyway, I can't count the words or the anyways like I promised, 'cause I can't copy the Intere text... TvT

I'm so sorry...

This Is probably the end, but see you In my new Journal on Wattpad, I'll probably write about my life here too and I'll register those promised vocals... :))!!

Anyway, I changed my mind... Tumblr Is A LOT better than Wattpad, so I'm gonna use this both as a Journal and to post drawings... Well, still a Journal and this was my Intro :))