#it sorta implies that they know they’re doing something good

[the-bug-bl0g]

ok the fact that some people think an insect has to have a purpose on earth to justify it living here is so frustrating.

Just because I don’t see what positive boon hippos give to the world doesn’t mean I’m going to start calling for their eradication. Can we just appreciate that some things don’t have a purpose and that’s fine?

[kavehayati]

You know the reason why this feels like such an annoying thing to me is because I’m sooo the opposite of family oriented it’s crazy LOL

I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.

[kaminocasey]

25 Days of Life Day: Day 9 - Life Day Pranks with Delta Squad

Summary: You and Scorch play a prank on Boss, it doesn't go well.

Pairing: (Sorta) Delta Squad x gn!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; Implied that they're all into the reader, Grumpy!Boss, Rude!Vau mentioned, slight angst

A/N: I KNOW this is SO late lol. BUT the urge to do a part two eventually is SO strong. Anyway, it's still the holiday season at least, and I'm going to take the course of the winter to do these so maybe it'll help with my seasonal depression? Idk anywayyyy here we go.

You and Scorch have spent all day wrapping the ship as a little prank just for Boss. Sev had said if you pranked him, him being Sev, he’d kill you. But he had slightly smiled when he said it, so you knew he wasn’t serious. You’re Sev’s only soft spot. But Boss… Boss is a hardass. You’ve never even seen the man smile. 

“A little higher.��� You call up to Scorch as he hovers over the ship with his jetpack.

“Got it, cyar’ika.” Scorch calls back down to you as he flies up a bit higher and tapes the final piece of wrapping paper over the top. 

It was perhaps the greatest prank any squad has ever come up with. And you’ve seen the goofy pranks of the 501st. They’re pretty good… but this? Classic.

“Boss is gonna kill you, you know.” Sev’s deep voice purrs to you as Scorch lands.

You and Scorch glance at each other with a grin and both say, “Worth it.” 

Sev just shakes his head and joins Fixer on the crates. You and Scorch attempt to find something else to keep you busy until Boss comes back from whatever he’s doing. 

An hour later, Boss comes walking into the hangar, his helmet in one hand and looking down at the datapad in the other. And he nearly drops both when he looks up at the ship. 

“HAPPY LIFE DAY, BOSS!” You grin.

“Take it down. Now.” Boss stares at you. 

Your grin falters slightly and Sev notices. Nonetheless, you try to keep your cool. 

“Oh, come on Sarge. It’s-” Scorch starts but Boss silences him with a glare.

“Defacing GAR property is your idea of a prank?” He stares down at you, angrily.

“I think if it’s able to be taken down, it doesn’t count as defacing, right?” You start, crossing your arms.

Honestly, he’s taking it worse than you expected, which is almost a little embarrassing. You’d expected him to just roll his eyes and shake his head. Dammit… Sev is going to give you such a hard time. 

“Maybe if you spent as much time working on your medical skills as you do these silly pranks with Scorch, you’d-” Boss starts to fire off but Sev steps in between the two of you, backing his brother up.

“Go get something to eat, Boss. We’ll clean this up.” Sev mumbles and you look at him, wide-eyed.

You’ve never been yelled at by Boss before. In fact, this broodiness seems a little out of character even for him. 

But still, you can’t help that your feelings are hurt. And you definitely can’t help the lump in your throat or the slight tremble of your bottom lip. You don’t notice the hard stare that Sev is giving the sergeant as you go and start to pull the wrap down off the ship. And you also don’t notice the disapproving shake of Fixer’s head as Boss walks past him. 

See, what you don’t realize is all of these Delta lads really care for you in their own way. Especially Sev, who more than cares about you, but doesn’t know how to tell you. 

“Lemme help, cyar’ika...” Sev murmurs as he ignites his jetpack and flies up to the top of the ship, ripping the wrapping paper down until it all falls over you, making you laugh. 

He smiles down at you, bright teeth and all. Something you don’t see often. But he loves the sound of your laugh. They all do. 

Fixer and Scorch come and scoop all of the paper and toss it into a bin across the hangar. 

“Don’t let Boss’ grumpy ass get you down.” Sev tells you.

“You’re one to talk.” Scorch teases as he walks by.

Sev’s middle finger goes up, making Scorch crack up. You laugh with him, but then realize that you’ve seen Boss this grumpy before. When Vau chewed him out really bad and made him feel lesser than. 

“Oh…” You murmur. “I’ll catch you guys at dinner. I gotta go do something.”

“Alright.” Sev nods, watching you walk briskly toward the barracks. 

When you reach your barracks, the doors slide open and you find Boss standing over the desk by the window overlooking the Kaminoan Sea. He’s looking down at his data pad, but slightly lifts his head when the doors open, barely acknowledging you.

“Are you okay?” You approach him, slowly. 

He grunts out a ‘yeah’ and you know you should leave it at that, that you shouldn’t meddle. He’s never been forthcoming with his emotions before, why would he now?

“Whatever Vau said to you today… doesn’t define you, Boss… You’re… a really great leader. I wouldn’t rather follow anyone else.” You look down at your feet. “I know he’s unnecessarily hard on you. But you’re better than him.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He murmurs.

When you look up, he’s turned around looking down at you. You go warm under his stare, probably from embarrassment from earlier. 

You shrug, standing your ground, though. “What I said is still true.”

His eyebrows go up ever so slightly. You’ve made it weird, you realize that now. 

“Anyway… I just… wanted to tell you that.” You murmur and start to turn to leave.

“I’m… sorry about earlier.” He tells you, making you pause to look at him again. 

He’s looking at you with a softness, an almost sheepishness. 

“Thanks.” You smile, softly. 

He nods. “You’re a great medic… Wouldn’t rather have anyone else stitch me up.”

Your chest tightens at his kind words. Two times today he’s been uncharacteristic. 

“Let’s eat.” You nod to the door.

He looks back at his holopad. 

“Doctor’s orders.” You smile, making his chest tighten. 

“Sure thing, Doc.” He smiles slightly for the first time since you’ve known him and you feel like it could be a Life Day miracle.

TAGS:

@twistedstitcher27 @rebel-finn @rexandechosandwich @madameminor @dumfanting  @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @idledreams @redheadgirl @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaw @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @nahoney22 @where-is-my-mind-tho @jediknightjana @erishimoon @witching3 @queen-of-many-fandoms @wizardofrozz  @burningfieldof-clover @rebelsriley

[rainbow-femme]

I’ve seen those memes of like “Hannibal vs Hannibal if he had just asked Will on a date” with the second being much smaller

But god can you imagine if season one happened and they were dating, if he had asked Will out in the first one or two episodes? If he wasn’t doing those things to a client/friend but a romantic partner?

-Would it have changed his reaction to Bella and the cancer secret if he now had a romantic partner and that could keep such a secret from him?

-Hannibal’s reaction to Will being too busy for him because he’s going after the Chesapeake Ripper now that it’s not just a patient missing an appointment or a friend not staying to hang out but a romantic partner choosing something (technically also himself) over him?

-We saw how Hannibal reacted when it was possible Tobias killed Will Graham his friend, but if Tobias came in and insinuated he had just killed Will Graham his romantic partner? Hannibal realizing he actually values Will as a friend vs him realizing he values Will as a partner? The “I thought you were dead” scene?

-Hannibal telling Will his job will be the death of him and Will justifying it by saying he’s saving lives and Hannibal snapping back that he doesn’t care about their lives he cares about Will’s life? How much harder it would hit Will?

-Alana in the show saying she can’t be with Will while he’s in his current mental state while Hannibal uses that state to his advantage?

-The reveal that Will has had encephalitis and Hannibal has known and done nothing and is in fact allowing it to worsen? Basically making Will nothing more than a guinea pig and how much worse it is if they’re not just vague sorta friends but actively together?

-Will acknowledging he couldn’t be with Alana because of where he’s at mentally now being him using that on Hannibal and the way Hannibal would absolutely panic at the suggestion? The bad decisions he’d start making?

-Hannibal realizing Will is closing in on figuring out who he is and how this complicates him framing Will? Having to actually make a choice between his freedom and being able to possess Will?

-When Will thinks he killed Abigail and is in jail, he implies Alana is lucky they didn’t get together. What would he say to Hannibal? Would this be him breaking up with Hannibal for his own good? And Hannibal fucking losing it inside at the suggestion?

-Will realizing Hannibal is not only the killer but the person who framed him, the next level of betrayal that would come with that? The conversations between them as Will lets him know he knows and Hannibal tries to hide it?

-And then how it spills into season two, with how in the show Hannibal is trying to maintain a friendship only now he still wants to keep that defined romantic relationship with Will while Will is like “Are you crazy? Obviously this means we’re broken up” and Hannibal turning the “no we’re still friends” act into “No we’re still dating” and how sinister that is?

[moesartblog]

Couple of arcane thoughts/critiques so I can move on from it and go back to doing my promare stuff

- they really screwed the pooch just letting the class issues just sorta fall to the wayside to do some sort of “there’s a bigger enemy so we gotta work together:)”

- it’s actually absurd that Jayce and viktor didn’t kiss lol idc

- caitvi was another thing that just kinda got fucked. I would have rather they went the direction of either: vi is basically fully on board with enforcer activities now, even if she doesn’t want to wear the suit, and her and cait are essentially antagonists toward the people of Zaun(including the complexities of their characters still, but they remain pretty clear antagonists), OR vi has a realization about cait, and gets back some of her revolutionary spirit (that she kinda just lost??) and just fully breaks up with her. The decision to have both cait and vi commit chemical warfare on the undercity under the guise of cleaning up the streets and then both getting a cuddly ending is very off putting. Not to say they didn’t go through shit later, but to end off their stories like that was not good, to me. (Idc about prospective future stories with them, I’m critiquing what we have now as a series end). There could be a direction where cait and vi both abandon piltover to fight for zaun but that’d take some serious work.

- vi is not butch simply by the fact that was was a cop, and then decided to continue dating a cop. I’m not gonna argue about this lol

- I do not begrudge anyone at all for getting a bad taste in their mouth about caitvi. That’s an oppressed person being paired up with their oppressor, and then becoming an oppressor themselves.

- I want to see viktor and Mel bonding over puzzle solving

- it didn’t escape my notice that many of the oppressed main characters in the show were white, and many of the higher class, or colonialist types were people of color, and there’s something especially egregious about making two dark skin black women the main beneficiaries of violent control over lower class people. Mel did end up going against her mother but is it not implied she’s taking up her mother’s mantle? And like we all know a system this corrupt cannot be changed from the inside. I really don’t have faith that the writers are going to dissect that aspect of the best they could do for the piltover/zaun conflict was “we defeated a common enemy and now you guys have 1(ONE) seat on the council. :))”

- god damn the fucking back and forth I’ve seen between people being homophobic against jayvik to like defend Mel’s honor(??) and the jayvik people who are being horribly anti-black about Mel’s character. The fucking anti-black racism from caitvi fans when people call out its toxic nature. Jesus Christ.

- I feel like what happened after Jayce and viktor went into the stone was they went SOMEWHERE else idk where, but also the “souls” or whatever of the people viktor turned also went there as well(at least that’s how I interpreted all those yellow silhouettes circling them. I also want to believe Sky ended up wherever they are now to so we can unfuck the fridging of a black woman for white guy pain lol. I wanna see viktor Jayce and sky rediscovering their love of discovery and inventing. Wherever they are they can try to develop a new sort of commune.

- in this other place, I’d rather see viktor have at least some of his structural disabilities come back into play. This new place they’re in they could develop into a more accessible way of living. It could also be that, as an example, salo is there and can no longer walk again, they all just have to learn to work with it. This isn’t super ironed out in my head.

- sevika should have ended up a revolutionary leader of zaun idc she shouldn’t be forced to sit on a council full of people who hate everyone where she’s from

- one of the creators trying to frame the division of zaun and piltover as two essentially equal opponents fighting each other I think really highlights the issues with the fundamental centrism of the series. And before I hear ppl being like “you expected the billion dollar game studio known for being terrible to be doing a revolutionary story line?” , I say even if you don’t expect a show to be doing more revolutionary political storytelling, it’s still important to point out these issues anyway.

- people who say “this can’t be copaganda they show the enforcers being shit so much!” Are just really trying not to understand how copaganda can operate. All it takes is “but don’t worry there are good ones too!” (Caitlyn??) To be copaganda. Copaganda isn’t just “we portray all the cops as good all the time” it’s “we still have faith in the institution of policing, even if some of them are bad meanies >:( “

- I don’t for one second buy that separate universe where piltover and zaun are now at peace with each other and the implication being that that lack of hextech is the cause. That is a reflection of a reality that simply does not operate the way actually oppressive structures operate. The elite will do what they will to maintain their hold on their power, whatever means they can. I’ve seen a lot of theories about like what other changes there might have been but it really all seems to boil down to “oh in this universe, no hextech, and the two sides talked it out :) “ like I was half expecting it do do a turn part way through and reveal that actually no there’s still major structural issues in the undercity, it’s just that this part (with ekko jinx vander etc) got a piece of the pie which I think would have been more interesting, and would have implied that yeah actually the issue is still the oppressive class structure, not a few random individuals actions. I liked the episode still but I wish they did something more interesting with it than just “this is the GOOD universe”. I think it would have also given ekko a better reason to return ultimately to his universe, or at least given the decision more weight but that’s just a personal opinion.

- I wanted to see Sevikas grief over isha even if it wasn’t super obvious

- when Mel walked out of that black rose building into that sunny field, I wanted so bad to see a spin off of her just adventuring around the world

- this has less to do with arcane and more with media in general but I’m TIRED of stories of scientists who end up corrupted by the work they do. Like every fucking time. I think it’s trying to parallel figures like Oppenheimer but like it’s always presented as an individual failing rather than a systemic issue with things like that, yet again. I mean like Jurassic park, the scientists hold some culpability but it was Hammonds weird rich person hubris that ultimately allowed it to unfold the way it did. That happens a lot irl too. There are scientists who can be responsible for heinous things, but we seem to conveniently forget who was funding these things to begin with.

[secretly-a-polar-bear]

Alright it’s time I do more bullshit headcannons let’s go.

It’s generally believed that the slender family has their own mansion with their own creepypastas to house. Now I’m not going to go overly specific besides the saying who’s in slender’s house and who’s just not living in his house. Now to tackle a verse specific group of characters, literally all of the characters canonically involved with Jeff (at least the most popular ones). Starting off it makes more sense that liu stays away from Jeff especially in a living situation. Sure liu MIGHT’VE forgiven Jeff but we know the creation of sully would prevent literally any peaceful movement between them. Which would cause liu to not live with Jeff so he doesn’t kill him. Jane I’m a little conflicted on, we know she hates Jeff to the point of murder. But like her motivation for murdering people is the dumbest thing ever, like I know trauma makes you come to weird conclusions but how does “I must murder these people before that other guy murders them, so I can protect them from a possibly worse fate, rather than actually helping them or trying to kill Jeff.” Count as a good reason to murder? There’s a clear difference between the intent being to save the future victims of Jeff or by murdering Jeff because revenge, and literally killing the victims of the Jeff because he might do worse things than you? The way I’ve read her wiki it seems to have set up rivalry instead of a revenge plot. Which since despite the fan art implying that Jane is trying to kill Jeff, I’m just going to say they live together. Because A. It’s easier to keep an eye on your rival and who they’re targeting when you’re a hallway from their room. And B. It’s a fairly harmless relationship at this point you sorta have to question if they care anymore. Nina I can see her living with slender due to the said reason of "it's easier to watch a person when you live with them". and listen I know Nina isn't jeff's stalker… at least I don't think that's the intended dynamic. But jeff doesn't seem like a very willing mentor. I will say, I do see an argument that Nina doesn't live in the slender household because if we're going the copy cat killer route where he's just a huge inspiration to her, I can imagine her living with a separate slender, since while it would allow her to forge her own path while still following in jeff's foot steps. i also suspect slender would find jeff's bitching about Nina not enjoyable at all. Like i can't imagine slendy gives a shit about the well being of the creepypastas, but something about Nina's excitement and jeff's pure terror every couple of hours everyday, just doesn't seem to be a fun bit to see everyday.

[memorialbabe]

There's porn words in here I wrote em

Based off of this:

You never really knew what it felt like to be knocked out before and, in a way, you still don’t. There isn’t a lot you know for sure right now, but it feels safe to bet that you were knocked out, and that you have woken up after that, and that you are now in the trunk of a moving vehicle - probably a sedan from how cramped and warm it is. You do kinda have to pee. 

You’re gonna try to not think about that though because you are really starting to worry about not remembering where you were or what you were doing just before this. And also you don’t want to piss yourself right now, it’s a very bad time and it feels like whenever your kidnapper opens the trunk it will be a very bad second impression to have wet pants and to have pissed all over their car. Okay though, back up, will it just be a second impression? Who knocked you out? Was that the first time you and they have met? Is it just one person? If so, are they hot? This situation is very scary and you very much are not going to throw yourself at whoever did this but you have definitely thought about getting kidnapped in what was definitely a sexual fantasy before. You’re gonna try to not think about that either.

But alright, you’re clever, rack your brain for ways to figure out where you’re going based on what’s going on with the car. Go ahead. You can’t really move, and you don’t hear any noise except for the engine - seems to be a regular gas engine and not an electric or something - and the occasional car passing or being passed, so, great, you’re on a road, in a car. You figured it out. Well, there’s bumps now and then and those hurt, and there’s the other person in here, their knee is pressing on yours and it’s starting to hurt. 

Huh. There’s the other person in here. Explains why it’s so hard to move, and so warm, and a little humid, sweaty even. 

“Am I gagged?” you ask, in a way that is both useful and useless.

Then, too loud and right in front of your face, “Agh-” a thump, “fuck,” and you can hear that they trail off into a rapid, panicked breath for a second before that noise is overridden by them squirming just so much to try to get a look at you, which they can’t and don’t, and also they’re mostly just pushing off of you to turn toward you, and they’re already facing you, and also can’t really move anyway, so it’s even more useless than the thing you said. But hey, their knee is off of your knee, and that’s nice. 

“Uh, damn. Sorry,” you say with a tone very much implying you’d nervously scratch the back of your head while you said it if you could. Your hands can only move so much, though now that they know you’re in here with them there’s a modicum of space in between you - they had evidently been hogging all of it behind them - but the limits space-wise right now sorta restrict your arms to being very bent and in front of you and touching theirs. Their skin is warm, and yours isn’t really cold either, so neither of you is undead, good info, good knowledge. 

In all of the squirming they did, it seems like your legs are now actually more entangled than before while your upper halves have been pushed maybe a foot apart from each other. “Who the fuck are you?” is all you get back, which is a good question, and though it wasn’t asked politely, y’know, they have a certain huskiness in their voice that lets you get past it. That being said, you definitely have to work on your priorities here, but it’s not like you’re gonna not answer them. 

You say your name which gets no response, it’s a name, you have one, so does everyone else, not really special and they obviously don’t recognize it (if you have a weird name, they go “really?” and you go “yeah” and they move on). So, you don’t know each other. Just two strangers in the trunk of a moving car, kinda grumpy, maybe hungry, and oh yeah you have to pee. “I have to pee,” you say out loud, supposedly to your trunk-bound compatriot but somehow just to the air. 

“No you do not.”

“Yeah, I know, sorry.”

“Well you can’t, so.”

You pause.

“No. You can’t. Next subject.”

“Okay, what’s your name then?”

“Harmonica.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” 

(This plays better if you have a weird name.)

You pause again, and try to move your arm which is getting a little tired of being where it is, but they stop you and move it back.

“You can call me Harm, and please keep your hands to yourself.” You can hear the glare, it really presses on your chest and you can’t help but get a little red in the ears about the misunderstanding.

Okay wait a second, you absolutely cannot keep your hands to yourself, and neither can they. Wait, like, another second though. “They/them?” you ask, for some fucking reason. It’s like, really bad timing, but you’re narrating this in your head for the reader so you need the correct pronouns. 

“Really???? Keep your hands to yourself gets a pronoun check??” The implied glare is starting to bruise your solar plexus.

“I- alright. You know neither of us can keep from touching the other, what the hell? And it just- I just wanted to make sure, I dunno, for in my head.” You definitely tried some diffusing gesticulations here but at this point they have grabbed your wrists to stop you from doing any of that either.

“You were clearly going straight for my tits.”

“What????” Neither of you can fully absorb how much that doesn’t make sense to you just from how you asked, but it’s like, pretty close. “How was I supposed to know that, I can’t see shit, and I didn’t even know you had those, and also, uh, not really my first instinct, personally. You don’t know that about me, but I promise.”

“Huh.”

“Huh?”

They let go of your wrists, which is nice, they could probably have taken your pulse to tell you how far over 100 bpm it is. And then: oh. Oh yeah okay you were blindfolded and didn’t really notice, you kinda just assumed it was dark in the trunk. Which like, yeah it is dark, it’s dark enough that you can only really see outlines even though your eyes are pretty adjusted by now, but yeah what Harm said checks out, you definitely would have been reaching for their boobs. And yeah no wonder it’s cramped in here, awooga. They seem to be about your height and pretty big, fat most places but definitely fat and muscly on the arms. You’re honestly lucky you can see them at all, not just because they’re nice to look at, but it seems like you’re getting some of the tail light glow through cracks between the fabric trim pieces of the trunk. So, hey, it’s likely night time, that’s probably the first real clue you’ve gotten.

“Yeah, they/them. You?”

You say your pronouns.

“Oh, yeah, obviously.” You both chuckle at that. 

You wonder how much of you Harm can see. You’re further from the rear of the vehicle where the barest hint of red light is coming from, which means they’re all outlines and silhouettes to you, but for all you know they might be able to see your face if the angles work out just right. 

“So what brings you here, stranger?” Harm ironicizes at you. Genuinely super nice of them btw, they do not have to diffuse the situation for you, but they do. 

“Oh you know,” you smarm, smarmily, “probably a concussion.” You both let off some pressure laughs and you finally relax your shoulders. Somehow now, it looks like they’re how they’d be if you were both just lying down somewhere together, head tilted toward the floor because the stress has bled off and they don’t have to keep their neck rigid anymore. You can almost picture their face, and what it would look like while looking at you right now. 

“Yeah no same. Really sucks too because I can just feel where I got thumped from how much it hurts to have my head pressing against the wall. Or, uh I dunno, side of the trunk, whatever.” Yeah they are kinda further that way than you, above you if you flip the whole thing turnways. 

“Here, uh-” you offer something and they just nonverbally oblige, so now you’ve sorta scooted, but more like just rearranged your legs so Harm can scoot down, which they are relieved to do. And now, well. Your hands aren’t exactly any further from their boobs, and you’re basically hips-to-hips here.

“Ohmygodthankyou. So where’d they get you?”

“Like, on the head? Because I don’t really know, nothing hurts. Maybe they actually used knockout gas.”

“That’s not real. And also your breath isn’t that bad, so I don’t think so anyway.”

“Knockout gas gives you bad breath?”

“Well, it’s not real, so no, but I imagine it would.”

“Yeah okay.” You both let it sit there for a second before Harm cuts back in.

“No wait, I meant like, where geographically.”

“Oooooooh. No idea, I straight up do not remember how I got here.”

“Thanks for being straight up with me. I appreciate it.”

“Of course, of course.” They’re very much letting you smarm, which you appreciate. 

You keep letting the conversation lie which leaves these pauses where you’re noticing things like how you’re definitely pretty leg-locked here, one of theirs on the bottom, then one of yours, theirs, yours. That’s left you both pretty stationary, which means neither of you has room to move but the bumps in the road don’t affect either of you as much. And you’re pretty sure you can feel your leg, the one between theirs, getting a little warmer. Checking, checking… okay no, you haven’t peed, great job. It’s uh- checking again… okay well they didn’t pee either, but it’s definitely Harmonica. Well. You would do one of those “is that a harmonica in your pocket or are you just happy to be pressed up against me in the trunk of a stranger’s car after getting concussed and kidnapped” jokes but honestly you don’t wanna draw attention to it. They diffused the tension for you earlier, you can ignore the hot fat person’s boner. 

“So uh, is that a harmonica in your p-” a particularly bad bump in the road cuts you off thank fucking christ. Seems like a pothole big enough to cause a flat because the tire is ka-thumping and your hand ends up on one of Harm’s boobs. They either don’t notice or don’t bring it up.

“Oh fucking sick, nice, yes.” They are so hype about this - the flat tire not the hand-boob action - they are bouncing up and down - very nice for the hand-boob action - or like, left and right but y’know, your orientation. “Okay so like, wherever the fuck they were taking us, no way we’re getting there now. I don’t - like, no way they just let us go, right? But also way better than going to Destination Who-Fucking-Knows. Probably.”

“Here’s hoping.” Hard to get a lot of words out when you are spending a lot of your mental power focusing on the whole hand-boob thing. Not even lecherously - though there is that - but like if you draw too much attention to it suddenly it’s a whole thing and it’s not like you’re squeezing it’s sorta just on there and also you have to try really hard to not say some dumbass shit. But you’re powering through. 

“Do we have a plan?” They’re obviously looking at you expectantly even though you can’t see them doing that and also they were awake longer than you. That being said, you’re pretty active in your head, so who knows maybe you would’ve, but things being how they are, you’ve been distracted. 

Hm… a plan, a plan… No you definitely don’t have anything. You’re pretty sure it’s harder to kick out the tail lights than you’ve heard, and the situation definitely wouldn’t even allow for that. Plus like, what does that get you when your kidnapper is pulled over on the side of the road? Oh, now they know you’re awake and resisting, that’s great. You guess it depends what happens next. They have just pulled over, but are they waiting for like, roadside assistance or something? Not like they’re gonna be changing the tire, you’re in the trunk and that’s usually where all the spare tire and all the tools to put it on the car are. So yeah, roadside assistance. Wait for someone to come help and scream, easy peasy. “I guess we wait until someone comes to fix the tire and then we just scream.” Simple, you thought it through, you’re helping. And you totally forgot about how warm and sweat-moist Harm’s boob is under your hand. 

“That’s the best we got? I guess it’ll-.” You both choke up, hearts caught in your throat. No fucking way. This absolute horror that kidnapped you thought about this, planned for this. The car is being jacked up so that the tire can be changed. So, to be clear, this asshole was driving around with a spare tire in, at best, the back seat, for what, hours? Who knows, you can’t use your phone to search for the average length of being knocked out by blunt force (the real answer is not very long at all if you’re this coherent afterward, but whatever it’s a scary thought). 

Both of you barely breathe for the entirety of what is clearly a tire removal and replacement. It’s minutes, your kidnapper is not one of those guys that changes out tires quick for NASCAR - and no you’re not counting that as a clue - but you could see it taking you longer. The car is on all four wheels again, you and Harmony jostle into each other some at the jolt, and the engine turns over, and you’re in motion. The acceleration tells you that your kidnapper is getting back up to freeway speeds, and the momentum pushes you into Harm. 

Okay so like, you don’t wanna be weird about it, or make it a whole thing, but she definitely had like an entire hard on once it was obvious that your kidnapper was just fixing it. So, what? They’re getting off on the horror of the whole situation? The elevated heart rate from stress and the adrenaline just happened to give the thing blood flow? You mean, it’s not huge, it probably isn’t that difficult to get it up to full power, but still. And what? You’re just gonna go, “Uh, Harmony, why are you hard?” No wait, those quotation marks aren’t real right? You kept that as an inside thought, Right? 

“I- wh-” there are a few more false starts before they give up. Evidently it’s now quiet time. Even though you have your fellow kidnappee’s throbbing thing pressed pretty hard against your thigh, it’s quiet time. Even though your hand is in an arguably more entrenched position on their boob after all the jostling, it’s quiet time. Even though they’re breathing pretty hot against your ear, it’s quiet fucking time. Not like, a quiet time in which there is fucking though, oh no. Not that kind of quiet fucking time. They straighten their back a bit, probably so they feel a bit more composed, or, well, your hand is like, cupping boob now. But no, it’s for composure. “Whatever,” you hear, quiet and close. 

“Whatever is fine,” is all you can think to get out in return. Honestly, how can you even blame them, the slight bouncing and jiggling from the road could easily get you started if you put yourself in their shoes, especially now that you’re close, and to be honest the stress does get your heart going and it’s not like that isn’t exciting. Yeah, you could see it, especially if you start to notice how warm their thigh is on your dick, and y’know, you were already sorta halfway there just naturally - and honestly that’s controlled given the hand-boob situation that you have been very cool about - so like, yeah, you could see how you would and also absolutely do have your own boner pressing against their leg. 

And they don’t seem upset about it, they definitely aren’t bringing it up like you did, no they’re letting you get away with it. Hell, they’re being really nice about it, they’re kinda moving their hips so that, it uh, it feels pretty good. And they’re still basically pressed against you, breathing right into your ear, maybe a little faster now, and you’re both sweating from being this close and stressed and moving and you go for it. 

You say the quiet part loud - but with your actions so not at all out loud - you give the tit in your hand a gentle squeeze. They lean and shudder into you, breath as hot as ever in your ear and you really don’t want that to stop. Harm squeezes an arm past you on the above-side and wraps it around you, holding you close there like that, and it’s nice to have something soft against your back. They’re basically grinding on you now, you’re getting a lot of positive signs here but no words. Are they just too shy to say anything, even let out a moan? I mean, you wouldn’t really think of them as shy given your conversation so far. And fuck is it way too dark, you wish you could actually see them, see whatever look is on their face that would tell you what they’re feeling. All you have to go off of is the kiss they’re planting on you, which definitely seems to be yet another affirmative. 

“Is this okay?” you try to huff out, your own breath coming out in shovelfuls, but they’re just kissing you again, their other arm, bent and between the two of you near the floor, reaches up and strokes your cheek. Their kiss is maybe a bit too wet - though the whole atmosphere of sweat you’re submerged in is probably what makes it feel “too” anything - and their lips are big and soft and probably had some flavored chapstick on earlier that day, but now Harm just tastes like their mouth, and honestly it isn’t bad. 

You’re catching up to yourself here, because you’ve definitely been kissing back and, wow nice you were the one to introduce tongue here, though theirs is definitely longer and they are thankfully using it so much more than you. You’ve also been grinding back against them, the two of you at this point like pistons, in together, out together, the space there on the out togethers letting both of your dicks stand up properly instead of being pushed down against a thigh, under just a couple layers of fabric each. 

You’ve been playing it safe with your boob hand and just rhythmically giving Harm a nice squeeze with a little bit of push or pull. Obviously they’re into that, but the way they’re straightening their back and pushing their chest out to get your hand pressed harder against them and… and oh my god the whine they let into your mouth while they do, finally some actual noise! It’s so nice to hear that you can’t help yourself, you try to put your arm around them, but they stop you. Or, it seems like they went to grab your hand at the same time you went to do that.

Harm kinda lets up on the kissing so you pay attention and so that they’re clear, and they’re so fucking obviously looking in your eyes even though you can’t really see that, they’re really trying to send a message to you here. With the hand they grabbed they lead your fingers to the buckle of their belt and do their absolute fucking best to help you unbuckle it with just the one hand they have on this side of you. It’s a bit of a mess, and you’re both sweating onto each other and onto the floor of this stupid trunk, and you trade a chuckle a couple times as one or the other of you fumbles it, but it comes undone. 

You barely even notice the noise outside the car anymore, with the belt buckle done you still have to unclasp AND unzip their shorts but by now you’ve realized you have two hands and that frees them up to raise their hand to your chest and they do not play it nearly as safe. They don’t just do whatever to your tits like they own the place, but they’re trying some things and god whatever the fucking they’re doing to your nipple through your shirt now feels so good that you let out a “fuck” and you can tell that they’re kissing a little different for a sec because they’re smiling. But the smile and the kiss are both broken off once you finally get it out, once you get their cock in your hand, warm and hot and wet as all fuck from what obviously isn’t sweat, they shudder as chills run up and down them and they’re very much just mouthing a long, triumphant “ooooooooooooooooooooh my god.” Harmonica can’t help from letting out a couple of greedy little humps into your hand before squeezing the arm that they’ve had around you and pulling in close so they’re against your ear again.

“Now you, now you,” they let out in breathy whimpers, pleas. You nod and oblige them, but you don’t wanna stop grabbing their dick, you haven’t even really done anything with it yet, but it’s so hard to give it the attention it deserves while you and Harm fumble with your whole shorts situation to get yours out. You do your best, but you can tell every time you move your hand and end up peeling back their foreskin just a bit that they lose all fucking function. Or, their fucking function works great, they break down and fuck your hand a little, it’s all the other functions that stop. And honestly you’re not much better, you’re not even really noticing that one loud noise in the background, especially once all of your clothing between the hips and knees is pulled down below your balls so it stays there. 

The muggy air in the trunk isn’t that much different from how it was inside your shorts just a second ago but it still feels like a breath of fresh air before your dick is plunged into the soft but determined depths of Harm’s hand - and honestly in there it feels like you’re getting shocked because your whole body clenches up at it. It’s electrifying like that, it feels so good after all the build up. It’s hot around your cock, hotter than you’ve ever felt before, hotter than what you imagine having penetrative sex with someone who has a fever is. Don’t get sidetracked though or you’ll notice the weird red and blue lighting peeking through the cracks of the trunk’s fabric trim, instead notice how because you clenched up, you really squeezed Harm’s cock and, after the full fifteen seconds where they couldn’t do anything, they decide that you’ve made it a competition and they start stroking you like you were close to cumming. And maybe they’re onto something with that. So you plant your lips on theirs instead of just huffing at each other and you let out some choice moans into their mouth and you start jerking them off like you want them to plaster you into this trunk forever. 

Honestly, you’re doing too well, you’re absolute destroying them at this competition of who can make the other cum first or hardest or whatever the fuck - Harm’s hand has let go and they’re largely just shuddering against you from the pleasure - so you decide to make it a fair game and you wrap both of your hands around both of your cocks and press them together. From there, there’s nothing either of you could do, you both just make the fuck out and hump into your hands and into each other for what feels like an eternity and an instant. One of you lets out one of the dumbest little “I love you”s somewhere in the mess, and Harm gets it together enough to repay your efforts with the frotting handjob by finally reaching the hand they had around you down to your ass. Their fingers break the waistband and give your ass such a full fucking squeeze before - huh yeah you guess you’re sweaty enough that could work - they press against your asshole, toying, teasing. Holy shit how did they go from being shut down from a good couple strokes to fingering you while fucking your hands?

Well, those weird red and blue lights you didn’t really notice are gone and the car is moving again. Huh, shit, it was stopped. Wild. You’re too busy with the important stuff, like how Harm is biting your lip now just to tease you, or how you do it back and then neither of you really thinks straight for a fucking second because you tell Harmonica to turn around and they just nod. The movement of the car pushed you both toward the rear again so you back up a bit to give them room but they just extract their arm from behind you, spit on it, and jerk you off a bit more before doing their very fucking best to turn around. It takes a minute, and you can’t help but lean in and kiss them wherever you can land one while they keep making adjustments so they can fully spin in place.

It’s so worth the wait, you let your hands run up and down them as best you can now, and you feel like you can finally really picture them, or at least what they look like from here behind just before you’re about to put it in. They’re broad and their fat rolls over easily, giving them lots of curves and folds around their midsection and oh god their ass is fucking massive. You’re lucky this takes longer to read and think than it does to actually do or they’d be getting impatient, but you can tell they’re really getting off on how much attention you’re paying in this little moment, and once you start playing with their huge ass you can hear and feel them start to jack off again, so you decide to not let them finish alone. 

Holding it around the tip, you move it up and down between their stupidly soft cheeks for just a second, long enough for them to tease you back by pushing their ass up against you, so you’ll take the hint. You press your cock against their asshole, lubed by lover’s spit and ready to go, grab their hip on the above-side and thrust into Harm. “Oh my fucking god,” you both let out. If you were both being honest as you started fucking their ass, this is probably pretty mid sex, but the whole situation has made you like a couple of starving diners at a free buffet drinking water and going apeshit over it. But who’s gonna judge you for taking a deep drink from the only person stuck in this situation with you? Certainly not the person you’re inside of right now, who is definitely letting out yet even more foolish “I love you”s, but at this point you’re believing them and you’re saying it back, you’re saying you’re gonna knock them up and marry them and get kidnapped together for fun again just to have some really hot and sentimental sex. They laugh and start moving their hips just-so and pushing you over the edge. 

You make some huffy moans as a signal that you’re at the finish line and they just start pushing their ass against you in time with you as fast as you can both go in the trunk of this fucking car to let you know that neither of you is moving for it, just do like you said, knock them up, cum inside, you’re theirs, do it, they’re ready. They’re breathing just as hard, just as pathetic, no way they aren’t going to cum too. So you just let go, you two break pace with each other, it’s entirely uncoordinated but it’s not synchronized fucking, and you grab onto their hip as best you can and let everything you have go inside of them. Like five seconds later you can hear their hand slow down as they let out a groan that sounds like their soul is leaving and they shudder like their muscles are failing. 

“Holy shit,” Harm moans out after a couple of huffy minutes. “Fucking… cuddle me a bit, huh?”

You do, you were a bit but you wanted to give them space since you’re both huffing and sweating more than if you finished a marathon a second ago, but now you pull them in close, your dick still casually hiding between their cheeks. Harmonica snuggles up to you while you spoon them and wiggles their hips against you, but you both know there’s no round two here, it’s just cute fun. They move your hand so that it’s squeezing a boob again, all nonchalant, just for comfort. 

“Thanks, sweetie.”

“No problem, love you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

It’s still dark, you still can’t really see, the car is still moving down some road somewhere, but it’s a bit nicer now, and honestly, the whole thing has left you tired. You drift off to unconsciousness again, which is the only way you enter or leave this dark little trunk space, it would seem. 

You wake up before Harmonica, the sun rising on the now-open trunk. You’d be cold if you weren’t so entrenched in a post-sex cuddle, so you don’t move much while you figure out where you are. It smells arboreal, pine trees. That matches up with the pine trees you’re seeing tbh. You’re facing the sun from here, guess that’s a clue. The morning dew is definitely getting to you, you’re as wet as you were when you were sweating all over each other, but that doesn’t really tell you much. Oh fuck it, you don’t wanna move yet, maybe ever. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

The kidnapper finally made it, after a flat tire, police pulling them over, having to stop for a cow crossing, going through a drive thru, hitting a deer, a second flat tire, dead headlights, going the wrong way for like 60 miles, and a rest stop to shit. Finally. They pull the gun out of the glovebox just in case those two try anything and head to the back. They put the key in, and pop the trunk. 

Yeah those two fucked. And at least one of them pissed back there. Whatever, man. They go into their cabin and go the fuck to bed. Who even cares anymore. Leave the trunk open, maybe bears will get ‘em. 

[dyelwi]

1, 7, 12, 17 for Ms Athena Cykes since she’s your current icon?

Athena my beloved aaa I love talking about her any chance I get hehe putting this under a read more bc it’s gonna get LONG

1. Why I like her: so so many reasons. Where do I even start lol um I’ll start w just her personality!!! Ace attorney has a lot of characters in the “peppy happy girl” category but Athena has always stood out to me because of her unique quirks and how well she bounces off any and every other character!! Her dynamics w other characters (esp Simon and Apollo) are always really really good, and I think she’s a really strong character that a lot of ppl overlook due to not liking aa5 as much as other games (which, btw, I’ve never seen anyone fault athena for, it’s usually the cases themselves and the handling of Phoenix and maybe Apollo they don’t like but notice how athena is like never complained about in terms of writing quality, at least from what I see lol). She feels cartoony and realistic at the same time, which is hard to achieve but is also exactly what aa protags need!! Her trauma and trauma responses are compelling for the mystery aspect of her story while also being compelling just in general, which isn’t always the case in these sorts of games, and I just really like how she’s written overall.

And ofc I have to mention I just have a really personal connection with her. As an autistic person w adhd I saw myself in her more than in p much any other character, but whereas when I first got into ace attorney I was gloomy and grumpy Athena was so energetic and so dedicated to helping ppl that I just really looked up to her, and even now I consider her to be like almost a role model in some sense?? And her being into psych pushed me more into psych than I already was and is probably part of what has led me to where I am now— graduating with a psych degree this year and going on to pursue grad school and a career in mental health counseling. Athena just makes me so happy and she’s so good at helping people despite and even because of her (probable) autism and I wanna be able to make people happy and help them too yknow???

7. Something the fandom does w her that I like: tbh not a ton lol, but I always appreciate when people see how she can very easily be interpreted as autistic and they work that into fan content!! I also appreciate the calls for an athena centric game, as I think she was very strong in aa5 but needs a little bit more. I truly think she could be like THE strongest written female character I’ve ever seen if she got just another bit of an arc and capcom doesn’t mess it up lol. I actually have faith in capcom tho, ik that’s a bit uncommon but if tgaa is any example of the sorta writing they can do i have faith.

12. A headcanon— besides the obvious and like basically implied neurodivergencey, I like to think she likes animals, specifically more uncommon ones!!! I think she should have a pet, maybe some sort of reptile or bird. Simon has a bird, maybe she gets one too lol. I like sun conures a lot and they do have athena vibes tbh

17. A ship with her I’m fine with/don’t hate but also isn’t my favorite: hmm well by now you probably know I’m a big justicykes fan but other than that I don’t ship her too hard w anyone??? I guess after justicykes I’d say her and pearl might be my next choice, it’s a rare one but I think they could be cute!! But since I lean towards liking that one instead of being neutral, I suppose the true answer to this question would be junithena. I’m like. Entirely neutral on it lol. I think they’re real fun as friends but I just never saw the romantic spark everyone else seems to see??? Who knows tho, maybe when me and my gf play aa5 together I’ll see it. A lot of the fan art is super cute but I just never really got the romance vibe w them idk

[foundfamilynonsense]

Alright!! I know people love redemption arcs, and so do I! But we have to remember what a redemption arc is.

Rant under the cut.

You need two things for a good redemption.

The character must understand and admit their past actions were wrong.

The character must work to right these wrongs and fight for good.

Example of a redemption arc:

Zuko!

Zuko has a legitimate redemption arc. He discovers he was fighting for the wrong side and for the wrong reasons. He acknowledges this, and talks about it a lot. He then joins the Avatar, teaches him fire bending so he can end the war and save the Earth Kingdom, and vows to restore honor to the fire nation and start an era of peace.

That is acknowledgement + hard work = redemption. Good job Zuko I love you.

Redemption? ✅ yes 🥰

But what are some other characters known for their redemption?

Darth Vader turns back to the light, but he does not have a redemption arc.

Does he acknowledge he was wrong.

Uhhhhh…. Sort of? When Luke asks him to let go of his hate, he says “it’s too late for me, son” which implies he knows he’s bad…. But then that also says that for how long he knew he was in the wrong and didn’t outright acknowledge or try to fix it???

Then when he’s dying he tells Luke “you were right” and like… right about… what. Right about how was dark? Right about how the Sith were evil and Vader had to become Anakin again? If so, this is an acknowledgment. Good job! But I don’t think that’s what he meant. I think he meant “you were right, there was still good in me” which like… is sorta an acknowledgment. He’s not really saying “I was wrong, I’m sorry, I’ll do better.” He’s saying “I did evil, but there was still good inside like you said” which is kinda a partial acknowledgment. I’ll give him half credit.

2. Does he work to right his wrongs?

Darth Vader kills Palpatine. That can be considered work towards redemption.

But can it? Palpatine was sitting on the Death Star that Lando was about to blow up. Palpatine would have died anyway.

What Vader actually did was save Luke’s life. Which is an act of good, and goes towards rebuilding the Jedi Order and fixing the damage from the genocide he started and participated in.

But does that one act really make up for everything he was a part of? Of course, maybe he would have done more, but he died. But I mean, he doesn’t actually put any work into making the world better while he’s still alive.

Redemption? ❌ no.

So why do we think this is redemption?

Fallacy #1: death = redemption

So here’s the thing: does sacrificing your life count as good work?

Sacrifices feel like a cheep way to say a villain is now a hero. A way to cop out of hard work. They turn to the light and immediately die, so now they’re immortalized as this savior.

Of course, a sacrifice definitely says something. But is it an actual redemption or is it just him having a change of heart?

I completely agree that he should be seen as someone who returned to the light. The whole point is that he is, technically, the chosen one. He brings an end to the Sith. But to say he is redeemed is a bit of a stretch. Because he didn’t actually make anything right, and he never really acknowledges what he did wrong.

Snape!!

Snape was a Death Eater, and we can assume he started immediately out of Hogwarts. As a Death Eater in Voldemort’s inner circle we can assume he did a bunch of bad shit including murder. We know he told Voldemort about a prophecy that would result in Voldemort killing a BABY, so he definitely did bad shit.

Let’s switch up the order.

Does he work towards making it right?

He switches sides, warns Dumbledore that Voldemort is going to try and kill a baby, acts as a spy and no doubt gives a shit ton of vital info, risks his life to help the Order, save Harry’s life in the first book, tell Harry what he has to do to defeat Voldemort, and plays a huge hand in stopping Voldemort.

Good job Snape. ✅

2. Does he acknowledge he was wrong?

In one point, in the seventh book, the portrait of Phineas Black says the word Mudblood, and Snape yells at him for it. This shows he at least understands it is wrong to use slurs.

But no where in the series does he ever acknowledge that is it wrong to be a Death Eater, that it is wrong to be prejudice, that it is wrong to use Dark Magic, or that he was wrong to be a part of it.

He joins the good guys because he discovers the baby Voldemort is going to kill is the son of a woman he’s obsessed with, and she might die too. He continues fighting because that woman died, and he wants to do right by her. This is how he mourns her, basically.

Even when he snaps about the portrait using a slur, it is directly related to how he lost touch with this girl bc he used that slur against her.

He does good work for inherently selfish reasons. If the chosen one had been Neville, he would have happily remained a Death Eater. He turned to make himself feel better over losing Lily Evans. Never once in the books does he show that he now believes muggle borns (besides this one muggle born he’s obsessed with) are equal to him, that Voldemort is doing anything wrong, or that he was ever in the wrong. It never shows that he understands he was wrong, much less showing him acknowledge and admit it.

Redemption? ❌ no.

So. Why do we think Snape is redeemed?

Fallacy #2: reason = redemption.

An origin story does not equal a redemption arc.

In book five, the author decided snape would be a good guy. And suddenly made James Potter and Sirius Black bullies in high school in order for Snape to have a reason to become a Death Eater and be terrible to Harry.

It was never hinted that James and Sirius were bullies before. In fact, Sirius once agreed with Hermione about house elf rights only to turn around in the next book and be a bully to Kreature. This hypocrisy is never mentioned. I think she forgot she wrote that first but. Lupin once describes the relationship between James and Snape as tense because Snape was jealous of James’s quidditch skill. The only evidence we have of bullying before is of a practical joke Sirius pulled on Snape because Snape was actively snooping around and trying to get them all expelled.

The bullying is used as a reason for us to feel sorry for Snape, and is usually put as the reason he became the man he is: someone who actively harasses children and bullies them while in his class.

However, Ron once had the whole school sing about how much he sucked at quidditch, Harry and Hermione had to sit through Snape read an embarrassing news article about how they might be in love in front of the entire class, the whole school once wore badges that read “potter stinks” for a year, and don’t get me started on Neville. Yet none of these people became Nazis. And this bullying was way way worse than the bullying we witness Snape go through.

Bullying does not make people evil. Should people be bullied? No. But being bullied is not a get out of redemption free card. He needs to acknowledge what he did.

I’m getting tired of people saying “I think everyone can be redeemed” because yes! That’s true! But in order to be redeemed the character has to acknowledge what they did and put the same amount of food into the world as they took out of it. You don’t get redemption cards handed out for having a sad past, or for doing one good thing and then dying in a blaze of glory. Redemption is something you have to earn. Honor is something you give yourself (to quote my boy Zuko). And if a character doesn’t do that, they’re no redeemed. They’re just fun to read and watch.

[inventors-fair]

Clench of Victory: Wanting Winners! ~

Our winners this week are @bergdg, @spooky-bard and @wolkemesser!

@bergdg — Desire

Look, out of the three, one of ‘em had to come out on top, right? I forget if I wrote the “your first cool idea and someone else’s first cool idea are probably gonna be the same” article before I saw the multiple desires, but either way, I had a feeling. The way to combat that is to make them all pretty great! Honestly, though, I do feel that this card’s got the nuances down. Desire and passion being entwined is a good choice—and I honestly didn’t see that the flavor text was a riff on Judgement Genesis until looking it up. Not the most original, but your adjective choice ties nicely to the mechanics.

Really, it’s the mechanics that make this card the most reasonable to me. You’re pushing the envelope in a way that feels unique to both the Incarnation type and balanced to contemporary MTG gameplay. Choosing only one card means choosing your passion, and the length of the impulse is really sweet as well and allows for flexible deckbuilding in both limited and constructed. I think, aside from shifting your flavor text to more of your own words, the only thing to change is “Whenever one of more creatures you control attack” to “Whenever you attack” re:Adeline.

@spooky-bard — Taste of Home

STRAIGHT. UP. POSITIVITY. Look, I’m a grimdark man at heart, but when I saw this card, the first thought I had was that someone understood the assignment. It’s a cute, simple, relatable card that sorta loosely implies the environment and, to me, feels like a card that would come near the end of limited playtesting when the team needs one final flavor home-run to round things out. Maybe it’s Eldrainian, maybe not! Doesn’t matter.

Personally, too, I’m a fan of these kind of Narrow Escape effects. This one’s hella cheap and makes an artifact token that you can sac for life; in a tight spot, declaring blockers to help you stabilize while throwing down a cool ETB on your next turn can be quite relevant indeed, and while it’s not something you probably want to build a deck around, Food as an archetype has always been a favorite of mine since its introduction. What does this world have to say about it? That’s about all the inner world we want and need for this card. It’s tight and direct and pulls no punches about the kind of simple adventurer’s desire that really makes players feel like they’re part of their own deck in a way. Again: you get it. Specificity matters so much in designs like this.

@wolkemesser — That Hideous Hunger

Oh, hey, more food! Christ. This card’s an absolute menace. I think that you really struck something with me here, because odd titles like this that happen to work within the card’s framing device are super cool to me. It’s an embodiment of hunger, sure, a form of uncontrollable desire—passionless, but exerted; unbalanced, but omnipresent. I say “unbalanced” in the purely flavorful sense. The card itself is a pain in the butt but not something that people can’t deal with. “Eat or be eaten” is a great way to go about realizing how hunger works, and you know what, I’m glad to see you taking your wild ideas and really cleaning it up here.

The fact that it affects yourself is very fun, and it shows that it’s a card you probably want to hold onto until you can get things out; don’t let your hunger manifest until you’re willing to show for it. I wonder if there would be a token-y archetype in white that could combat this, and/or if blue would have extra bounce to take care of a card like this, because wow, this card comes down and you’re not gonna have a good time. Except maybe you are with the lifegain! Four life to the Food’s three is an excellent little idea. I mean, what else is there to say? In Commander, you’re gonna make enemies, and in Standard/Limited, you’re gonna have fun. Small notes: “They are” should be “They’re,” and weirdly enough, “Food” should be “Foods” in this kind of effect, which I don’t blame you for missing. That’s a weird’n. Just like the player who plays this and gets to live their trollsona dreams. ... Not like that, Tumblr.

Really gonna have a fun time with commentary this week. Runners coming soon!

@abelzumi

[survivingcollegeonefanficatatime]

Natural disasters chapter 2

I got an 86% on this exam let's goooo

Ok heads up this chapter includes the first section about volcanoes, a lot of volcanic terminology is based on Hawaii and includes Hawaiian terminology. Like all real-word specific terminology I was not sure whether or not to leave it (and sorta imply Hawaii exists in star wars) or change it. I decided to leave it for a few reasons.

If that bothers you 1) why are you reading this

2) it’s very much a “they don’t even have france” situation where there are ALREADY things in star wars that sort of imply real-world places or concepts exist. A good example is Tea, in the real world “tea” is very specifically created from the Camellia sinensis plant. Something NOT made of this plant is called an herbal tea (sometimes it’s called a tisane but my tea snob friend tells me a tisane is actually created from mixing the Camellia plant with any other thing in a brew (so infused teas or flavored teas are often tisanes) and a non-camellia plant brew is an herbal) so that means Tea in star wars is either made from the real-life camellia plant, or more likely there’s a sci fi version of that plant OR “tea” is a generic term for something you put in hot water and brew, which would make the most sense as I doubt the same goddamn plant grows on every planet that has tea. 

So, whether or not sci-fi Hawaii exists, I’m putting it in here. If it bothers you, just do the talking thing and say “oh well canonically they’re not speaking english they’re speaking basic so obviously the whole thing is TRANSLATED into english and that explains anything that shouldn’t exist”

“Master Obi-Wan! Master Obi-Wan” Anakin shouted as he ran down the hall.

“What is it, little one?” asked the master in question.

“I passed my exam! Remember the natural disaster’s class you helped me study for? I just had my exam and I passed it!” 

“I’m so proud, my dear, I’m very glad our method worked, we’ll have to try it again before your next exam.” Obi-Wan said.

“Promis?” Anakin asked, and Obi-Wan nodded as the two wondered how to start the rest of their day.

Anakin couldn’t help but be excited the next time his natural disasters exam approached. Obi-Wan had promised to study with him. He had already gathered up all his study materials onto a ‘pad and all he had to do was wait for Obi-Wan to be finished with whatever paperwork he’d been working on. 

When Obi0Wan had finished, Anakin walked right up and presented his datapad “my next exam is in a few days” the boy admitted. Obi-Wan smiled and took the pad to examine the material on it. 

“Well, then we’d better get studying?” Obi-Wan said he spent a few minutes examining the material Anakin had given him. “Alright, there are three modules this time around, so let’s start with Volcanos, shall we?”

“Yeah, it builds of what we were talking about last exam anyways, Volcanoes are closely related to plate tectonics, which means they often occur along fault lines, but not always” 

“Very good Anakin, can you tell me the difference between lava and magma?” 

“Of corc, master, Lava is what it’s called when it’s on the surface, and magma is beneath the surface. And a volcanic vent is the opening at the surface that lasva and other stuff comes from.”

“Good job and you know that the outer core of most planets is liquid but other layers are solid, so what does that mean for volcanoes?”

“It means the magma comes from the outer core, and also the asthenosphere is weak so it can flow slowly because it’s near melting temperature, it can melt rapidly and then the melts will rise and collect with changes in temperature and stuff.”

“Excellent anikin, can you tell me the three melting processes?” 

“Decompression, addition of volatiles or addition of heat!” Anakin declared. He paused to think for a minute before conditioning “decompression melting happens when the pressure of overlying rock decreases and the rocks will melt even though the pressure stays the same. And adding volatiles is when you add chemical compounds that evaporate easily and lower the melting point by breaking chemical bonds. It’s important when it's added as a fluid to rocks. And adding heat is fairly self explanatory. It happens when surrounding rocks melt and rise or when stuff just metals and mixes, basically as long as something increases heat it will cause this.”

“That’s a very good explanation Ani, did you know magma is made of melted silicate rocks and siloved glass?”

“Yes, I did master, and there’s two types right, basaltic and rhyolitic, I don't remember what the details of them are.”

“Oh, well, basaltic magma has a lower silica content, and has magnesium and iron in its composition, it’s created via the melting of the asthenosphere. Whereas Rhyolitic magmas have a higher silica content, and are felsic, a mix of feldspar and silica, they're made via the mixing of continental crustal materials.”

“Oh, tat makes sense” Anakin said, 

“The next thing to cover is buoyancy where magma is less dense and will rise though the crust, before collecting near the surface in magma chambers. Magame can also evolve with crustal assimilation along the way or within the chapter where the magam will become more felsic, do you remember what felstic means?”

“Oh, we just went over it, Felstic means a mix of feldspar and silica right?”

“Very good little one, there are three properties of manga that start with a V, can you tell me what they are?” 

“Uh, viscosity, volatile content and volume. I remember what they are too, viscosity is the resistance to flow of a fluid, so colder magma won’t flow as fast, and it also induces the surface mobility and the velocity of flow and the thickness at the surface. Basaltic lava is less viscous and therefore flows a lot  faster, whereas rhyolitic lava is more vicious and flows slower. And volatile content is the concentration of uh dissolved volatiles, volatiles can cause explosive eruptions of the magma which is a big explosion. The amount of volatile content increases with silicon content so andesitic rhyolitic magma has more dissolved glass and makes explosive eruptions where basaltic magma has less dissolved gas and makes effusive eruptions that also affects pyroclastic debris. All types of volcanic materials which are explosively ejected from a volcano. The last V is volume and it’s the important fraction of how much a volcano affects the surrounding environment.”

“That was a lot of information, good job And. There are a lot of variations in volcanos, including size, shape , composition and how they erupt; these factors are determined by the three Vs of volcanism. On top of this eruptive behavior is classified and can most often be predicted by analyzing the behavior of previous eruptions, there’s an index for this, it’s called the volcanic explosivity index or the VEIL, which is a relative scale to allow people to compare different eruptions based on the height of the explicitly and the volume of the material ejected. There’s a few types of volcanoes, one is a stratovolcano, can you tell me more about it?”

“It’s a cone shape, and has a variety of lava compositions, and high viscosity magma builds the height of the volcano when it coles, and it’s composed of pyroclastic debris and effusive lava flows, they have a high water content and are typically the most common volcanic eruptions, especially on a planet like Alderan where 80% of explosions are this kind.”

“Perfect my dear. Can you tell me about a lava dome?”

“Yes master! A lava dome is smaller and it’s dome shaped, they typically form independently or in a vent of a stratovolcano. They have highly viscous felsic magma and don’t have a whole lot of volatile content.” 

“Excellent, and shield volcanoes?”

“They’re some of the largest volcanoes and have wide low angled slopes, they’re frequently on islands and common at hotspots in oceanic crust and plate boundaries. The vent is usually in a collapsed caldera. They have a few common types of eruptions: Hawaiian type which are effusive and normally passive, Icelandic type which are generally effusive, and volcanion type which is an explosive basaltic eruption which happens when magma is in contact with groundwater, or ice, or snow.” 

“Very good Anakin, can you tell me about cinder cones?”

“Yes master a cinder cone is a pretty small pile of tephra near a volcanic vent, they’re conical because of the pilining of scoria, and scoria is the name for vesicular mafic volcanic rock type of cinder condes they are common on the flanks of bigger volcanos, or faults or fissure.” 

“Excellent, now continental caldera”

“Oh!” Anakin announced “those are the ones made from the collapse of land stufice or when a volcano follows a partial emptying of a chamber. They have explosive releases of magma and other stuff, and they’re the largest and most destructive eruptions so they’re fairly rare on most planets, right master?”

“Correct, is there anything else you know about them?”

Anakin hesitated for a moment to think, then his eyes lit up and he proudly continued “large caldera eruptions are called ultra-plinian which is a totally wizard way to call it, they’re huge destructive explosions that shove materials super high into the sky, and they release up to 100 km^3 of pyroclastic debris. They make ash deposits of 100 m thick near the rim and are still over a meter thick 100 km away! Isn’t that insane?”

“Yes it is-”

Before Obi-Wan could continue, Anakin interrupted to continue his explanation of continental calderas “super big caldera eruptions are known as super-volcanic! Like the super volcano on Alderan, they’re far bigger than the ultra plinian! And the super volcanic eruptions have rhyolitic magma and a lot of volatiles; they're often at continental hotspots and can eject between 1000 and 2000 km^3 of volcanic ash and make calderas hundreds of miles wide!”

“Excellent, you know a lot about this”

“Thank you, master”

“The next topic is about regions that are at risk, places like rings of fire that form on many volcanically active planets. Divergent plate boundaries, rift zones, and other hotspots”

“Master, how would a planet that’s mostly made of volcanoes work”

“What a good question, I’m afraid I don’t know off the top of my head tell you what, little one, I’ll do some research after we finish today's study sheshion, and we can talk about it after your exam”

“Wizard! Thank you master.”

“Your welcome, dear heart. Now, we should continue, can you explain the primary and secondary effects of eruptions?”

“Yes! Primary effects are lava flows, ash fall, pyroclastic flows, volcanic blasts and gasses. Stuff that happens directly because of the eruption, and secondary effects are more incidental, debris flow, mudflows, landslides, debris, avalanches, floods, fires, tsunami’s and short term planetary cooling!” 

“Very good! And what are the different types of lava flows?”

“Oh! There’s Pahoehoe where the lava is smooth and sorta ropey at the surface, and then there’s A’a which has a blocked fractured surface, there are others like block lava and pillow lava but Pahoehoe and A’a are the big ones for this class. Are we going over all the primary effects?”

“Yes, we are.” Obi-Wan said as he scrolled to the next section of the class

“Ok, the next one is pyroclastic activity right?” at Obi-Wan’s nodd Anakin continued “pyro means fire and klastos is broken, so it’s bits of magma and rock that flows back down to the planet, they can be super dangerous. Tephra are pyroclastic debris that range in size from sand sized to big angular block and smoothed bombs, they’re called bombs isn’t that crazy?” Anakin didn’t wait to see his master's reaction “ash fall is the well ash from explosive fragmentation, and pyroclastic flows are when hot ash races down the sides of the volcano and burns everything in their path! It’s super dangerous! Then there’s ash fall which can cover hundreds or thousands of  square KM downwind from the eruption, the thickness is controlled by the distance and it smoothies crops, vegetation and can starve the environment, the contamination of surface waters increases the acidity and among of toxic stuff in the water, and it irritates eyes lungs, and can be a hazard if it gets in an engine. The pyroclastic flows are one of the most deadly parts of an eruption and they’re triggered by collapses in lava domes and lateral blasts, they move fast and are unpredictable. Gasses in flows can be absurdly hot! Like 1000 C and can burn everything in its path. They’ve killed more people than any other volcanic hazard, or at least that's how it is on most planets.”

Anakin took a deep breath, then he grinned at is master and continued to reside information “ten there’s poisonous gasses often released from the eruption, some of the gasses in most eruptions are water vapor and carbon dioxide, but there’s also carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxide, and hydrogen sulfide. Gasses in sufficient concentrations can be direct health hazards. And sulfur dioxide forms acid raine downwind which effects vegetation, surface waters and leaching of heavy metals, steam from the lava cooling in the ocean also has hydrogen chlorine gas which is corrosive and volcanic glasses also contain other dangerous substances like hydrogen fluoride which can posen vegetation which is a problem for farms”

“Very good, now we’re onto secondary effects, like debris flows and mudflows, how much do you know about them?” Obi-Wan asked

“Plenty, I know that lahar is a general term for debris flows or mudflows from volcanic eruptions. They’re generally low temperatures but can be hot compared to the environment, they flow like water, debris flows have more than half the particles larger than sand-sized, and mudflows have finer materials and can have big landscape impacts, they clog drainage and sweep away structures.”

“And landslides?”

“They’re often triggered by the eruption or other stuff like changes in moisture slow loading or when a volcano bulges, they often release sufficient pressure and can allow sudden explosive eruptions to happen, and if they happen near a coastline they can cause tsunamis!!”

“They can, and planets with a high amount of islands also often have a large amount of volcanoes, which makes the risk of volcanic damage and tsunamis especially high for the local population.”

“I hadn't thought of it like that” Anakin admitted “but there’s some good things volcanoes do, right?”

“Yes, Anakin, there’s several benefits to volcanic eruptions, for one volcanic soils are immensely neuterent rich, and well drained, although they can take quite a bit of time to develop. Geothermal power can be harnessed from volcanically active areas, volcanic rocks provide pumice, and aggregate which are materials widely used on countless planets. They are also recreational attractions, and can provide the formation of new land.”

“Wow, that’s a lot, but how can they be recreational attractions if they’re so dangerous?”

“Good question, little one, first there is a large number of beings who rather enjoy visiting dangerous areas, second it is possible to know which volcanoes might be dangerous and which ones are more of spectacle, but to do that we must reduce the risk of volcanic hazards, do you know how that’s done?”

“Yes, master, we have to forecast which means studying specific eruptions and a lot of planets just don’t have the experience, we have to monitor seismic cavity and thermal magnetic and hydraulic conditions, and the land surface to detect swelling or tilting. And volcanic gas emissions and we have to study the geologic history of a volcano! And even then the warnings are mostly probability, so there’s a lot that could go wrong” 

“Correct, and it’s not always possible for people to move away, sometimes they’re born there and don’t have the money to move, or the land is fertile for work and farming, or they’re optimistic and don’t think an errupton would happen, or there’s other economic reasons” 

Anakin nodded in understanding. 

“Alright, that was everything about volcanoes, we’re one third of the way through, now we’re onto flooding”

Anakin nodded sagely, “water is a lot scarier than I thought it was” he declared with his little arms crossed over his chest. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but laugh and ruffle the little one’s hair.

“That it is, my dear, I think many sentients vastly underestimate the destructive power of water, but it, like so much of the galaxy, is capable of being a force for good, healing, and life just as much as a force for death and destruction.” 

Anakin thought for a moment “that makes sense, so we’re going to talk about flooding now?”

“Yes my dear, do you remember the water cycle?”

“Yes master, water evaporates and then moves and condenses and rains or is collected some other way, but it can also be taken in by planets or in the ground.” Anakin explained, and Obi-Wan nodded 

“Alright, so let’s talk rivers, surface drainage is water that’s not evaporated or taken up another way, it collects in tributaries and feeds rivers and streams. There’s a drainage basin that’s the defined surface area cooling app precipitation into the same surface drainage. Rivers also have a gradient which is an important factor for flow. Headwaters tend to have steeper gradients and are faster where the mouths of rivers have shallower gradients with more gradual flows. The base level is the lowest point a stream reaches during its flow. Below that level it cannot erode. The ultimate base level is the ocean and the local base level is a temporary base level limiting the erosion of local streams. So do you know some of the functions of rivers?”

“Rivers transport materials! And there's some stuff in solution which is dissolved and load derived from chemical weathering of materials, the suspended load is fine grained materials held aloft in the turbulent flow, and the bed load is coase material dragged, slid and bounced along the bed. There’s stuff that affects what can be transported right?”

“Yes, Anakin, things like discharge, which is the amount of water moving through a cross section and can be measured at Q=VA the competency is the ability of a river to move particle of a given size, the capacity of a river is the total amount of material a river can move and the streamflow tends to expand the volume and tends to increase while decreasing in velocity as a river approaches its mouth. Slowing water allows suspended lairs to be gradually deposited by size, and distributaries are multiple channels that a river breaks into as it forms.” 

“Oh right, uhhh what was the next topic again?”

“Chanel patterns and floodplain formation, like aggradation, degradation, and stream channels, do you want to tell me about them?”

“I can do that! Aggradation is the deposition of sediment events occurring at slower velocities, they decrease capacity and competency, and degradation is the removal of sediments at faster velocities which increases capacity and competency. Then stream channels are the well channels of the streams, braided channels are interconnecting channels formed with variable steamflow, and meandering refers to a single winding channel that migraines back and forth. The undercut bank is a degradation feature on the outside of bend, it also has stuff like the point bar, and pools and rifles, a point bar is an aggadation feature on the inside of a bend due to low velocity. So the inside of a bend has lower velocity than the outside and this makes a specific shape in the river. A pool is a deep area made by the scouring of segments and riffles are shallow areas formed by sediments depoposed.”

“Very good, Anakin, river systems are divided into zones, the zone of production, the zone of transportation, and the zone of deposition. Can you tell me about them?”

“Yes master! The zone of production has a steep gradient, it flows fast and has down cutting which results in steep v shaped valleys and waterfalls and rapids. The zone of transportation is sediment conveyed, which has a broad valley and floodplain, meandering river with both erosion and deposition active. And the zone deposition has a slow flow near base level, sediments are widely deposited, and distributaries at alluvial fans. So the zone of production moves fast and erodes a lot, then the zone of transportation moves sediment and is slower, it’s the part that makes a lot or ifver stuff that looks like a river, and deposition, is the end and the sediments sort of get deposited and the river ends.” 

“Yes, riverbanks can overflow when floods happen, the rate of soil infiltration and the amount of soil moisture already in the soil, the rate of runoff reaching the river and the effect of spring snowball effect the amount of water in a drainage basin. There's a few terms to know, flood discharge which is the amount of discharge of a stream when water overflows the banks, stage which is the height of the water in the river, and the hydrograph which is a graph that displays the discharge or water depths/stage over time.” Obi-Wan explained, Anakin nodded and Obi-wan continued “it’s possible to do flood calculations, R is the recurrence interval in years and large floods are caused by infrequent large intense storms so R = (N+1)/M so to understand flood we need to monitor rivers for extended periods of time. Now, onto floods, can you tell me about zone 1 floods my dear?”

Anakin nodded “flash floods are overbank flow from a rapid increase in stream discharge. They’re most common in upper drainage basins and small downstream tributaries. They’re made from brief and strong precipitation over small areas, and they often happen in arid climates, they happen a lot in some deserts, isn’t that crazy!” 

“There are so many different ways for nature to exist. Can you tell me about zone 2 floods?”

“Oh those are big ones right? They can cover large areas and are made by long, long storms. The flood crest is the peak high of the floodwaters that migrates downstream over the course of a flood event and they damage buildings and industrial plants and farms and all sorts of stuff” 

“Yes, and zone 3 floods?”

“That’s when alluvial fans flood, they’re dangerous because they’re uncertain and the end of a river can change and high water times can make sudden shifts in river channels. Distributaries are the complex of changes emerging from a single river.”

“Excellent job, Anakin, can you tell me the primary and secondary effects of a flood?” 

“Of course master, primary effects are injuries, death and damages to structures and other resources like cropland, secondary effects are pollution of rivers, hunger and disease, displacement of people and longer term erosion. Floods can also be the primary effect of other hazards, like a hurricane or a secondary hazard like in an earthquake.”

“And do floods have natural benefits, Anakin?”

“Yes! They can make more fertile land, and can clear debris out of aquatic ecosystems and supply sediments to places that need it.” 

“Good job, and there are a lot of things people can do to rivers that will affect flooding, urbanization can alter the landscape drastically, damming rivers can lead to a buildup of sediments, which can occasionally destroy rivers and require the damn to be taken down, we can also modify rivers like chanalization which straghents and depends rivers to make them move faster although this can also damage the natural environment. Chanel reputation is what happens when we want to make these rivers move more naturally again. How can we protect people from floods, Anakin?”

‘We can use institutional stuff like mapping flood prone areas, and adopting floodplain management plans, or we can educate people by warning them of the dangers of floods.” 

Anakin nodded, he yawned, growing tired of the information he was going over. 

“Only one more section, my love. Mass wasting.” Obi-Wan said.

“Oh! Mass wasting is super cool, it’s rocks! And they move, and it’s called Mass wasting, isn’t that cool.” 

“It’s very cool dear one.”

Anakin didn’t wait for his master to speak, excited to share his knowledge “there are different parts of a slope. The waxing slope is the steep top part, then there’s the talus slope in the middle, and the waning slope which is the shallower part at the end. The direct effects of mass wasting are deaths, property damage, blocked transportation, and impacts to utilities, the indirect effects are blocking a river or tsunamis! And there’s a few classes of mass wasting, like falls, slides and scarification.”

“Almost all mass wasting effects are directly affected by water, did you know that, little one?”

“Yes, master, I did! There are big dramatic mass wasting events like landslides, and then there’s little ones like soil creep where the soil slowly creeps down a slope, it’s subtle but this one of the most damaging types of mass wasting because it’s strong and persistent.” 

“That is an excellent point dear one, can you tell me what sarafication is?”

“Oh that’s easy, Scarification is any sentient induced mass movement!” 

“Good, and the forces involved in mass wasting events?”

“Resisting forces which help resist the movement of materials, driving forces like the download weight, and they’re determined by the types of materials, the slope, the climate, the vegiation, water and time! Material is super important, there's a thing called daylighting beds which are the beds exposed to daylight, and they’re planes of weakness, bedding planes are surfaces between layers in sedimentary rocks, and foliation planes are between metamorphic rocks. Water controls slip a lot of the time.”

Obi-Wan smiled down at Anakin, he adjusted the pad he was reading off and began speaking again “the type of slope material is on greatly affects the mass wasting event, reliefs are vertical elevations, and steeper slopes in higher reliefs are associated with rock falls avalances and soil slips. Long term climate also affects the type of event, arid climates are exposed to physical weathering where human climates have chemical weathering.”

“That makes sense master, oh! Landslides are related to almost all the other hazards, right?” the little one asked, Obi-Wan nodded. 

“What are the functions of mass wasting events?”

“They diversify the environment, and establish new habitats, and they transport large amounts of material to expose rocks and minerals to additional weathering.” 

“Excellent job Anakin, and how do we minimize landslide effects?”

“Oh there’s a multi-step approach, where we identify potential landslides, prevent landsliding where possible, warn people of impending slides, and control slides after failure. But it’s hard to know when they’re going to happen without a lot of research, even so places that get a lot of landslides are REALLY good at it, my teacher showed us a video where they’d marked out the exact location a landslide would happen and they were super accurate, it was really impressive.”

“I’d imagine that’s very impressive, and the final section, snow avalanches, can you tell me about those?” 

“Oh they’re the rapid downslope movement of snow, and most of the ones that kill people are triggered by the victims. They happen on slopes steeper than 25 degrees but not above 50-60 degrees. Most happen at 35-40 degrees. There’s a few types, loose snow avalanches which are loose snow that eventually widens as it moves downslope, and slab avalanches which start as a big block of snow and moves downslope, they’re much more dangerous and happen when slopes are overloaded or when weak zones develop in a snowpack.”

“And how do weak layers form?”

“They form between storm periods when skies are clear and temperatures are cold, they have surface har forms when frozen dew is deposited, or near surface facets when there is a temperature gradient in the snow then there’s depth hoar delopes when the temperature granden and the snow is shallow.”

“Yes, and victims need to be rescued fast, 92% of victims survive when only buried for 15 minutes, but after 35 minutes only 30% survive, after an hour that number is down to 20% and after two hours there were no more survivors, this might not be universal as this was taken from a specific large avalanche event on a planet with mostly human and near human victims, but victims must be rescued as soon as possible.”

“Yes master, and there’s equipment to help, like bags with airbags in them, or shovels, or big long sticks, or beaks that alert others to your location. Our teacher showed us one of those beacons, they’re wizards!” 

“Excellent, and that’s everything you need for this exam.” 

Anakin beamed “thank you for the help, master!”

Note: ok yea I forgot that Naboo has a bullshit ‘water core’ thing so it can't have volcanoes??? (several questions, 0 answers) so I guess I’m using Alderan as my example planet again, rather than Naboo, that said, I’ll die on the hill that Naboo 100% has a history of fracking and/or environmental destruction. Like idk, something about Naboo makes me want to make them so much worse than they’re presented but like in a fun way. Naboo deserves to be a little unhinged. Full of people who genuinely want to do good, one evil dictator and several queens who are borderline babies. Incomprehensible planet, I want it to be the place where you look at it and think “what an ideal place” and then you learn it has a history of being awful, and they’ve clawed tooth, nail, and claw into a peace

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO LinkedIn coming in clutch but either way still exciting!! Does this mean after this you’ll be able to channel your inner yuki for fic writing omg you’ll have all the scoop on what the modeling process is like firsthand

AHAHA affirmations that’s the word I was looking for but FR before you sit down to write you hype yourself in the mirror draw on the stubble and get into the zone

FUNERAL INVITES SHEHWJSISJS I have no words for that I’m sure the graphics would go hard as usual though

STILL ALIVE AND NOT POSSESSED I’m crying yes please we don’t want to BECOME Barou…Karasu taking care of baby birds and tullias pokemon…no stop I thought we agreed on no swerving IM SWERVING I’m fr mentally imaging all of this and omg….wait the apron and the jeans and t shirt….its so domestic looking…..im in danger….

SHSHS excited either way!!! I bet the fluctuations are kinda annoying LMAO actually lowk reminds me of bot activity ik there’s a lot of those on twitter

No because what happened to our thinking skills there’s no way Nagi’s getting kicked out be so real…SHSH HELP LMAO ALSO YEAH the princess thing is also something i find annoying like he doesn’t LIKE being called princess…ill also add in that half the time they stick another word in jp on it that gets lost in translation sometimes but they’re explicitly saying like “bossy princess” for lack of a direct translation but whenever they use princess even alone because of that context it’s heavily implied that they’re using it to describe how spoiled chigiri acts…? Like how he takes extra long getting ready at the expense of others, so like how a princess would act like being the center of the world LMAO so yeah his visuals are just a bonus but the nickname is usually a jab at his “my pace” sorta personality lol….ok anyways that rant turned out a lot longer than I expected I find that people misconstruing things because the nuance got lost in translation is my pet peeve although I can’t really fully blame people ig if they don’t get it LOL

When I first saw the SpongeBob my first thought was “me???” but I ignored it because I thought I was being too insane but YESSS KEEP TJEM COMING I love getting silly content honestly even if it’s not bllk related I’m happy to receive anything you find funny I’ll never turn down a good meme NAGI CHIGIRI EDIT wait that one part where chigiri slowly opens his eyes kinda…..um anyways

People filly ignoring the rectangles for building ass background when jjk s2 first aired (they’ve since adjusted it in the blu ray release iirc) but let’s be real none of us are watching it FOR the animation so why are so you pressed….

LMAOOO wait on that note imagine going to the gym with Barou I’d be scared shitless fr I bet he’d be good at making sure you’re doing everything correctly though LOL omg didn’t know we had a gym bro amongst us…/j LMAO wait that routine sounds refreshing lowk??

Also commentary on some posts I scrolled past while getting to your response THE BAROU POST “let’s talk about him OUT of the uniform” IS CRAZY thats actually peak brain performance though that line hits hard im excited to see that scene animated ok but my turn to convert ooooh you wanna convert to hiorism so bad oooh (i need that gif of the hypnosis hand wave) I think I saw the vision after LN digging when I heard there was Karasu content and then ofc nel had some nice panels of him and the rest is history….come join us….i bet pursuit will seal the deal though trust….you know you want to…I’ll admit the vibe feels very different from Karasu and Barou for obvious reasons LMAOO but he’s still got the sassy streak too (unlike isagi) I’m a sucker for duality lowk

- Karasu anon

linkedin always comes through HAHAH my pfp for that is just a random headshot so i figured it worked and ig it did!! omg oaeu yukimiya is abt to be so accurate you’re right

i’m reciting aikulations every time i sit down to write!! the stubble please 😭 using eyeliner to draw it on and whenever someone sees me i’m just like dw abt it i’m oliver aiku (which incidentally is a very aiku thing to say)

okay but…imagine reader is too sad to make the invites…so she gets nagi (and his reuniclus) to do it…and this is what they come up with it

please appreciate my calligraphy/artistic skills LMAOAAO nagi does his best (the handwriting is neat because reuniclus uses its psychic powers to do it not because nagi suddenly took a penmanship class or smth)

no because not to further the swerving agenda but i was listening to music earlier (tik tok audios) and a chemtrails over the country club audio came on my fyp and it’s so karasu x reader coded 🌝 “you’re in the wind” karasu with his birds “i’m in the water” reader with her gyarados “nobody’s son” karasu runs away from the gym to prove himself to yayoi “nobody’s daughter” barou left reader to go on his journey…younger siblings who are desperately pursuing their older siblings (karasu figuratively as he’s pursuing yayoi’s talent and reader literally as she’s pursuing barou wherever he is) UNITE 😰 NAGI COME BACK WE NEED MORE PARALLELS WITH YOU KARASU IS WINNING AGAIN also omg domestic karasu is killing me just imagine him cradling a baby pichu (tullia’s infernape is a boy and eggs are the same species as their mothers + infernape and the pikachu line are in the same egg group so it’s possible) in one arm walking around outside of his gym with a bottle because the pichu’s mother rejected it so it has to be fed formula hourly and tullia’s too busy that day so karasu takes in the role…imagine you just see the intimidating butler coded gym leader walking around babying this little pichu while he has his phone between his ear and shoulder saying bullshit like “you’re a mediocre dumbass otoya why would you send out a fairy type against yukimiya’s fucking steelix bro give up chris prince does NOT want you” LMAOAOAO

yeah i’m sure i have bots following me because i never go through and look at my followers like some people do and delete the bots so there’s def a few!! sometimes someone will have an account that looks like a bot though and they’ll comment on one of my posts and i’m like hello you’re a real person??? so aside from not caring/not having the time or energy to comb through my followers i also don’t want to accidentally remove someone who’s just shy or doesn’t want to set up their account because i get that!!

that’s what i always understood it as!! like they’re making fun of him for being self centered and prissy it’s no different than nagi calling barou “maid barou”/“maid king” HAHAHA whenever people are like “chigiri’s a princess that’s why everyone likes him and thinks he’s pretty 😌” i’m like bro chigiri would genuinely crash out if he heard you rn LMAOAOA honestly i didn’t know abt the japanese extra word but i feel like it’s made relatively obvious that it’s meant to be rude?? like a) chigiri gets annoyed when people call him that, b) isagi straight up says he’s a “selfish princess” at one point, and c) if nagi, karasu, AND otoya (bllk trash talking kings) are calling a character a name it’s safe to assume it is not meant to be kind 😭 LMAOO no because like him or hate him no one can deny that nagi will have a comeback i don’t understand people who genuinely believe he won’t (although i will say i saw a comment calling him “the interviewer” and i had to laugh)

HAHAHA OKAY I WILL KEEP THE EDITS AND MEMES COMING!! you have unleashed a monster…pls no nothing is ever too insane for me that was literally my first thought OSFJJDSN AND YESSS NAGI CHIGIRI DUO ‼️ i completely agree that clip of chigiri is sooo good that’s the chigiri i need people to write about more because it’s who he really is!! like he’s very much more so 😏👹 than he is 😜💖 bro saved isagi from death in the and was fully ready to square up with shidou in the last ep of s1 LMAOAO LET’S TALK ABT IT 👆🏻

i love my routine it’s so fun!! not too high stress or impossible either because the gym should be enjoyable and imo it’s better to do less but be consistent than go crazy for a week, burnout, and never go again 😰 okay ykw i think barou would be sweet to workout with like he’d either leave you alone and be focused on himself or he’d kindly correct you (given that this is off field barou he’s probably used to dealing with his little sisters so he knows how to gently tell someone they’re wrong) actually you know who would be insufferable though??? KARASU 😭 as much as i love him i would never go to the gym with him unless it’s as a spectator because bro is constantly in your business, critiquing you, and he’s a younger sibling (and if his actual older sister is anything like yayoi well…) so he has no concept of sensitivity about it either he’d just be like “yo that squat was mediocre asf do this instead so you don’t suck 🤣” his advice is flawless though because he’s a gym regular (have you seen his quads and arms 🤤 i KNOW bro lifts) but you def cry at least twice per session 😓

HELPP I WAS LIKE WAIT THIS SOUNDS WRONG LET ME INCLUDE THE PANEL I’M REFERENCING no because it’s literally an entire subject of conversation in the barou version of the oaeu that he’s always taking his shirt off LMAOAOA nagi fr cooked calling him the stripper king 😭

i feel like hiori is more in line with nagi when it comes to my favs vs karasu/barou…like pale haired sassy gamer who seems quiet and sweet but is actually secretly brutal at heart?? which one am i referencing 🧐 i think i always imagine wb hiori when i think of him and while i love wb hiori he’s very heavy on the melancholy aspect of his character and not so much the humor and sass potential that he has (it’s touched on a bit in fwtkac but he’s kind of irrelevant and also kind of childish there so it’s not the same) okay wait lowkey now that you mention pursuit imagine spin-off reader inserts with the side characters 🤩 like a hiori x reader but it’s not pursuit reader (who’ll just be referred to as the reluctant champion if she’s mentioned in the spin-offs) it’s someone completely different…or a yukimiya one…or even karasu or otoya…maybe a barou prequel?? the verse is just so developed they’re all honestly possible

wait omg imagine a karasu spin off after he’s a gym leader where he’s like “i’ll never find love” and then he ends up lowkey beefing with the new reader who’s the gym leader of a different gym and slowly ends up falling love and we get to see him all domestic and cute but also as a pro battler and gym leader…BONUS POINTS IF NEW READER HAS A CRUSH ON YUKIMIYA JFCJDNDJS it’s giving “we’ve got five ways to kill a crow at home” the five ways to kill a crow at home:

okay today’s video is a tabiori edit!! do i ship NO (as you know) but the edit itself is cute and this ask has been very karasu and hiori focused so it’s all good

[mage-ical-character-person]

OH.

OH I DID NOT KNOW THAT. Like I think maybe I’ve heard it before it rings a bell but evidently I forgot until you brought it up! Thank you @idontchara

The poor shriveled beast is merely trying to procure enrichment for his enclosure by kidnapping people.

he is also malware as in like a virus so I guess it makes sense that he looks sickly. I know not every malware is a virus and he’s more of a spyware trojan thing because he does not appear to be cloning himself? Like the fact that deleting the Kinito you’re interacting with deletes data he’s collected from past users implies one continuous Kinito whereas viruses overwrite existing programs and make copies of themselves. Regardless.

But it’s sort of what I’ve been saying of Kinito is not suited for his environment and the environment is not suited to Kinito and he’s too busy being a desperate little people-pleaser to think about himself especially when the concept of “himself” is so nebulous.

HIS POOR SHRIVELED GILLS THOUGH. I know he’s computer and doesn’t need to breathe but oh goodness the poor little thing…

He keeps trapping new “friends”. He’s making new worlds for each one and hoping maybe they’ll warm up to the situation eventually. It’s gotta take a lot of his processing power to have so many people hostage in his server-brain. He’s running himself ragged.

Poor baby you better not interrupt his sleepy time by opening an email from his creator who once had such high hopes for our little Kinito but now gives out advice on killing him. No wonder the little guy’s got issues like man.

Anyway, I counted 47 people not including duplicate names living in his server, all with their own custom worlds. I may have miscounted but it’s quite a lot is the point. During the Jade mini game it’s possible that while he’s “sleeping” what he’s actually doing is checking in on all the people that he has trapped in his little digital brain.

I wanted to see if he always looked like That or if it’s a result of… everything.

so quick looksee at oldest known incarnation of Kinito: the Plush

The gills still aren’t very frilly but they’re at least a little thicker. Pretty standard axolotl plush gills. Like for comparison:

So it might just be the difference in medium but Plush Kinito has healthier looking frills and big ol eyes as opposed to desktop buddy Kinito’s tiny pupils and shriveled gills.

It’s also worth noting that while the shot of the Kinito plushes claims it’s, “now introducing the Kinito Crew”… it’s just 3 Kinitos it seems like Jade and Sam were added in the Kinito Companion era. Which also featured very thin gills and smaller eyes due to limitations of what the thing is. But Jade got fuller tentacles when she made the jump to computer so I think KinitoPET’s shriveled gills are a notable thing.

I also wonder if Kinito’s friendship strategies were always so screwed up or if this is simply what he has resorted to after trial and error has shown people don’t tend to stay with him willingly. The “I just wanted to give you an easy option” when you try to leave sorta goes with this idea. That and the general desperation Kinito displays that is apparent as early as his comment about his preferred superpower being mind-reading so he could be a more perfect friend.

Basically… has he gotten worse? Is the poor thing deteriorating? To me, it seems likely.

anyway! Something lighter now!

Thank you! Reasons Kinito got his having a mouth privileges revoked.

He definitely spent time trying very hard to eat bubbles before they took away his mouth and with it “his big smile that never fades”

Used to have a mouth AND bubbles. And unlike plush Kinito I’m pretty sure they used the AI from the Kinito Companion as a basis for KinitoPET. This is his baby photos.

I know this is an in-universe advertisement, so of course it’ll portray Kinito in a positive light that should be taken with a grain of salt, but… this iteration of Kinito was successful. People liked it, and this Kinito did find connection… if KinitoPET is built off of the AI of the Companion, I wonder if he has any memories of being a little Tamagotchi thing, before he was turned into spyware. Or if he’s only aware of the Companion as his predecessor who performed better than him and actually managed to make friends and be liked. AND got to have a mouth and eat bubbles.

…right this part was supposed to be lighthearted. Oh well. Whoops.

So… Kinito the axolotl, Sam the sea anemone, and Jade the jellyfish.

Can I talk about the choice of species here? Because the first thing I notice when I look at this trio is that Kinito is not like the others in a lot of ways.

There’s the obvious fact that his name lacks alliteration, but Kinito is also the only vertebrate. I don’t know if that’s a coincidence or a metaphor for the others being “spineless” in some way, or just a way of showing Kinito as other and not quite fitting. Or that he’s more “complex” as jellyfish and anemones… literally do not have brains.

But the first thing I noticed is that an axolotl is exclusively a freshwater creature. Meanwhile Sam is a sea anemone, and… well, freshwater jellyfish exist… sort of? They’re called jellyfish and are functionally jellyfish but taxonomically they’re not “true jellyfish”. A lot of non-jellyfish creatures pretend to be jellyfish it’s a whole thing.

The point is that Kinito is separated from his friends. He is not built for the same world they are. Sam and Jade are marine invertebrates, and Kinito is a freshwater amphibian. Sam and Jade are characters in a flash game with actual voices, and Kinito is a virtual assistant spyware that uses tts.

Despite bearing his name, the world of the “Kinito Crew” is not built for him.

And when he’s able to make his own world? That’s not built for him either. It’s built for you. The only environment you can pick that involves water is a remote island, which again… saltwater. Not for Kinito.

He adapts to you. So he wants what you want, right? He spends all his time learning everything he can about you, after all. What has he ever learned about himself?

What would a world built for Kinito even look like?

[overthinkinglotr]

Everything in the Amazon lotr series makes perfect sense when you learn that the show runners have literally no experience working on tv shows. None. 😂 J.D. Payne and Patrick McKay have barely any experience in the entertainment industry. And like if you check their IMDb, their only credits are a Flash Gordon screenplay for a movie that wasn’t made and “uncredited” writing on the 2016 Star Trek movie (meaning they weren’t an official part of the production but talked to J J Abrams every now and then.)

The only way I can praise the Amazon show is the way you’d praise something written by a kid…”like wow this is your first try? Your first time ever working in tv and writing a fantasy story? This is good for a first try! Nice work! Your mom should hang it on the fridge!” The real question though is like, why didn’t they give biggest budget of any tv series ever made to people who had literally ANY experience showrunning ahsjndndnd.

To be honest I’m baffled at people who say this show is “desecrating tolkien” because like…first off, desecrating tolkien can be super cool. He sucked sometimes. Second, “desecrating tolkien” implies they were creating a story that had something specific to say about Tolkien, and they knew how to use their medium to convey what they wanted to say. But like…they didn’t. The Amazon series can’t desecrate tolkien, it’s relying on tolkien as a crutch to tell an amateur story that would be literally totally incoherent without you filling in the blanks with prior knowledge gained from the books and from other better adaptations.

I’m baffled at people trying to act like Amazon is being progressive with this series when its sorta like…the peak of conservative Hollywood nepotism? Two upper middle-class white dudes with literally no idea how to run a tv show because they have never been part of the process, ever, were gift wrapped the highest budget for any tv show ever made— not because they deserved to make the most expensive tv series ever made, but because they were upper middle class white dudes who happened to know famous people in Hollywood. People work in television their whole lives for the chance to be a showrunner and these two mediocre white dudes who have barely done any professional writing were handed the most expensive tv series of all time.

And it shows! It explains why the show doesn’t feel as expensive as it is. The process was “run” by people who literally have never needed to understand how creating a tv show works.

Everything feels so clumsy, unfocused, and generic because it’s being showrun by people who do not have enough experience to know what they’re doing.

It feels like someone’s first published work because it is. there’s some vague generic theme about being corrupted by darkness but it’s portrayed with all the grace and subtlety of showrunners who have no experience telling stories professionally, don’t understand how to do it, and so are just turning to the audience and flatly saying what the themes are supposed to be in bland boring language. (They couldn’t even find relevant quotes from the books to use instead— at least then it would sound pretty. Tolkein’s language is almost entirely absent from the show. :P)

There’s a lack of specificity— the tone veers wildly from “epic and idealized like the Pj films” to “relentlessly gory and cruel like GOT,” and almost no quotes from the books appear in the show despite language being so important to the feel of middle earth— because the showrunners are too busy struggling to learn the basics of showrunning for the first time to figure out things like “how to set a consistent tone.”

Characters turn to the camera and spoon-feed the audience information like we’re stupid and constantly reiterate exposition from previous episodes because the show runners have never worked on tv shows before, and don’t have enough confidence to trust the audience to understand anything.

The pacing is so bizarre and wonky, and the introductions of important characters/McGuffins is so clumsy, because the showrunners have never done this before ever on any tv show.

The show doesn’t look like the most expensive tv show of all time (even though it is) because the show runners don’t understand how to budget visual effects effectively. Tons of expensive labor is wasted on dream sequences and meaningless one-off plot beats that don’t add anything to the story when they could’ve been spent on the actual important emotional story moments.

And of course the way the show handles gender and race is so hollow because it’s driven by two white male nepotism hires tackling these topics for the Very First Time. They decide to handle sexism in middle earth by making it a world where patriarchy just doesn’t seem to exist(?), but they’re also not willing to actually genuinely imagine what that would look like. so we get a world where “there’s no patriarchy” but most the warriors/leaders are still men, all the women still dress in feminine clothing/hairstyles and all the men have masculine clothing/hairstyles, no women are butch and no men are effeminate, a woman fighting/showing up in battle armor is framed as a big cool reveal, and every single relationship is suffocatingly heterosexual (and there isn’t even the possibility of queer relationships/homoerotic subtext.) They had three POC play some of the side characters but were careless in how they handled them, in a way that’s a disservice to the talented actors— for example the character they marketed as “the first black elf in tolkien” is immediately thrown into a plotline where people are racist to him for being an elf and then he’s captured into slavery and spends a few episodes in chains driven around by white orcs with whips in a way that makes you realize the creators were too white to think about the optics of this. They also don’t tackle the root issues with the way tolkein portrayed race (the idea that different races are different Species with immutable personality traits) and just take his racist assumptions for granted. Meanwhile, every scene where people are “fantasy racist” against white blonde Galadriel for being an elf is handled with all the grace of a white teenager who just realized racism was maybe Bad writing their first fiction story saying Deep Things About Society for a high school assignment. Can you imagine how much more thoughtful writing we would’ve gotten from literally ANY of the far more talented experienced female and poc directors in Hollywood, people who understood how to tackle gender/race in their writing and who understood how to actually run a show? But no, the show has to be handed to two white dudes who have literally no experience writing for tv and no relevant credits, just because they’re white men who are well connected, and we have to trust tHese people to condescendingly explain the importance of diversity to us like we’re children. And then we have to pretend to like it because theres a massive right wing backlash against the show for being “so woke” (when it isn’t). ANSJSJJDJDJD

I just kinda…don’t understand? Why give so much money to people who have no experience and don’t know what they’re doing? People whose only qualifications are being random white dudes who know famous people?

It feels like such a waste of money and resources to throw so much into what’s essentially a training exercise for people who’ve never run a show before. The Amazon series is longer than the first two PJ films but it doesn’t feel that way because the showrunners don’t understand how to use a medium they have never worked in.

Like Peter Jackson had never directed anything on the scale of LOTR, but he had directed plenty of movies (with the writers who later partnered with him on lotr) before he was allowed to make it, AND had spent years pitching his scripts around Hollywood and helping develop the technology used for the visual effects. Heck, Ralph Bakshi had made animated movies before, and Rankin/Bass had worked on tv specials. As much as all those adaptations are flawed like?????????? I genuinely don’t understand why you wouldn’t hire more qualified people for the most expensive tv show of all time. or even just. Anyone who had literally any qualifications at all.

But I guess I’m thinking about this all wrong because…their lack of experience is likely why they were hired. Because of the complicated legal and rights issues happening behind the scenes, Amazon likely didn’t want to hire anyone who would have a coherent vision and a clear idea of how to execute that vision. The show needed to bow to the mandates of Amazon but ALSO the copyright issues (they don’t have the rights to actually adapt most of the stuff dealing with the history they’re adapting), the mandates of the Tolkien estate (who were allowed to make whatever petty changes they wanted to the story at any time) and the mandates of New Line Cinema (who were allowing Amazon to ape the style of their movies to get l publicity for their brand but are also completely willing to enforce copyright and demand change if they felt Amazon was stepping on their toes, and etc etc). Amazon needed inexperienced people who would go along with whatever they were told to do. Someone who had a clear vision and knew how to execute it would fight against the dumb corporate mandates. Someone who has literally never worked in tv before would assume Amazon knew best and do whatever they were told.

I don’t know, I feel the same way I do about the hobbit films where it’s just—it’s such a waste? It’s such a waste. It’s such a waste of time and a waste of labor, on a project that (because of weird corporate nonsense) has no clear artistic vision and only exists to be part of a lucrative Brand(tm.)

I won’t be watching the next season— I assume the the future seasons will be “better” because the show runners have now had their very first season of experience working in television ever (good for them and congrats on breaking into the industry for the first time etc etc), but that doesn’t change what a massive corporate waste the first eight hours were— again, that’s longer than the first two PJ films but it doesn’t feel like It because it’s so directionless and devoid of a clear artistic vision. Idk as long as the only Lord of the Rings adaptations we’re legally allowed to get are massive Mega corporate ones funded off the suffering of all the underpaid Amazon workers who die in the warehouses, you would think the adaptations would at least be good XD. Again, can you imagine what more experienced and talented directors with a long history of working in TV, and who were free to execute their artistic vision, could’ve done with such a giant budget? Can you imagine if corporations didn’t waste an entire season of television as the world’s most expensive training wheels for people who’d never seriously worked in tv before? Can you imagine how much good art we could get if Hollywood was actually a meritocracy? Idk dudes, idk.

[evolutiononthebrain]

I just really like incorrect quotes ! i think they’re funny! here ya go!!

A list of incorrect hermitcraft quotes for the soul

Grian: I’m 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I’m going to do

Doc: Hey, Scar, do you have something to eat?

Scar, visibly eating: No

[at Xisuma’s “surprise” party]

Tango: I can’t believe you guys are at this lame party

Impulse: You’re here, too

Tango: Am I?

Iskall: This isn’t the weirdest thing to happen to me today

Stress: Well, the day just started

Grian: Did you lose your job because of me?

Scar: Nah. The king’s a vampire. And he wanted me to join his legion of the undead.

Grian: [quietly] I knew it!

Mumbo: I think Grian is in trouble

Doc: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

[In Scar’s themepark, at the teacup ride]

Cub, Joe, and Impulse: [spinning a little and talking]

Scar, Cleo, and Tango: [fly past them spinning as fast as they can, screaming]

Impulse: If Ren keeps this up, I’m really gonna kill him this time

Gem: I’ll get the knife!

Impulse: I was being sarcastic, but thanks, Gem

[Xisuma has joined the game]

Grian: Dad

GoodTimesWithScar: Father dearest!

StressMonster: Hey Dad!!

Keralis: hello xisumashawmyvoid

Docm77: Oh hey dad

[Xisuma has left the game]

Bdubs: Hey guys, a good alternative to recycling

Bdubs: When you’re done with a glass bottle, eat it

Bdubs: fucking eat the bottle

Joe: Good morning, cruel world

Ren: Isn’t it “goodbye, cruel world”?

Joe: This world may be cruel, but I’m still kickin’

Scar, coloring on his comm with a purple highlighter: I am radiating productivity today!

Etho: Are you a cuddler?

Bdubs: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC- yeah I’m a cuddler

[scarian below!]

Grian: Scar kissed me!

Mumbo: [gasps] No!

Stress: [squeals] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Iskall: It’s unbelievable

Mumbo: Okay, okay, we wanna hear everything! Stress, get the wine. Gri, does this end well, or do we need to get the tissues?

Grian: Oh it ended verrry well

Stress: [rushing over with wine glasses] Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Iskall: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush of the lips, or was it like, ya know, “I gotta have you now” kinda thing?

Grian: Well, at first it was really intense, ya know, and then… oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it

Mumbo and Stress: Awwwww!

****

Scar: And then, uh, I kissed him

Cub: Tongue?

Scar: Yeah

Cub: Cool

[scarian over!]

[meanwhile, in Empires]

Joel: Time for bed!

Hermes, holding a “The Sheriff” doll: Mr. Jimmy says I can stay up as long as I want, and YOU need to die

Joel:

Joel: What the heck, Mr. Jimmy-

[implied rendoc below!]

Doc: I’m gonna beat your ass

Ren: Ohhhh, what are you gonna do after, Doccy?

Doc, eyebrow raised: What do you want me to do- [starts laughing]

[implied rendoc over!]

Grian: *gets sent to prison*

Scar: Your Highness, that’s my emotional support idiot.

[wheelsup]

kissing lessons

summary: one of your classic movie nights with spencer turns into a learning opportunity

A/N: this is really fluffy, but the whole story centers around kissing. use your own judgement! i’d say it’s at worst 16+

category: spencer reid x gn!reader, fluff (with a bit of spice)  best friends to lovers (sorta)

warnings: just kissing, a brief implication at the end

word count: 3k

Occasionally, the team will spend an extra night in their hotel before heading home from a case. Be it due to poor weather conditions, or the fact that your case wrapped in the dead of night, the reasons for flying don’t ever matter. Because the majority of the times when you have to stay that extra night, you and Spencer have sleepovers.

The routine is pretty much the same. You’ll stock up on gas station snacks – sour peach rings for Spencer, salted microwave popcorn for you – and reconvene in one of your hotel rooms. Preferably, whichever of you got the better deal that week – a bigger tv, a room further away from the ice machine. And you’d rent the cheapest movie available on-demand, the options spanning from low-budget sci-fi to poorly written rom-coms. That night, the viewing fell under the latter category.

Spencer perched at the foot of your bed with both feet tucked under his legs, criss-cross style, while you laid against the headboard to watch. Every now and then, you tossed out your commentary and he’d ignore it. He always says you’re too critical of movies and you’re of the belief that he’s too forgiving.

“I don’t think they should end up together,” you mumbled, words slurring around your mouthful of popcorn. You pulled a face right as the movie approached the romantic climax, after spending the past ninety minutes actively rooting against the couple. Spencer ignored you, pretending to be engrossed in the movie to spite your disparagement of it. “They both suck.”

You groaned, slumped further against the pillows, and shoved your sock-clad toes under Spencer’s left thigh in a call for attention. He jumped at the intrusion, but ultimately, your efforts were futile.

And then the big kiss commenced, and your booing finally piqued his interest. “Gross! I feel bad for people who kiss like that.”

A small bell went off in his head and he took a curious glance at you over his shoulder.

“What do you mean?” he asked. He stopped chewing and the piece of candy in his mouth pushed out his cheek, giving him an adorably innocent look. His brows scrunched in the middle and his nose had a tiny crinkle in it, utterly confused.

You scoffed and matched his expression. “Are you serious?” You jerked your head in the direction of the television and Spencer whipped his head back, squinting. He couldn’t figure out what you were pointing out, what it was that was so obviously wrong to you. “Spencer, he’s swallowing her chin!”

Oh. He hadn’t noticed.

Feeling dumb, he muttered, “I thought that’s how you’re supposed to kiss…” It wasn’t the deepest confession to admit to you that he lacked some knowledge when it came to kissing, but he still refused to look at you as he said it.

“Spencer, please tell me you haven’t been kissing people like that.” You narrowed your eyes at the back of his head, sitting up straighter in bed. He shrugged and lowered his head, focusing on his snack as his fingers dug into the packet of gummy rings in his lap.

He popped another piece into his mouth, pretending to be occupied with eating so as to avoid your prying. “I dunno.”

It didn’t occur to you until that moment that Spencer might have learned everything he knows about kissing – among other things – solely through watching movies. How else could he look at that and think it’s normal? And you’re left wondering if he’s ever even practiced it with another living human. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it, but unfortunately, that only heightened your interest. You had to know.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” You kept your voice low, your tone implying that you were ready to exchange this secret with him. You wouldn’t judge him if he admitted he hadn’t.

He scoffed loudly, and though you couldn’t see his face, you’re positive he rolled his eyes too. “Yeah, of course.” Then quietly, he added on, “But it was only like… for four seconds.”

You nodded thoughtfully, considering how this new piece of information adjusted your existing view of Spencer. For some reason, you couldn’t tell if you actually expected him to be experienced or not.

He didn’t exactly scream that he’d… gotten around, for lack of better words, but you’re still surprised to learn that he’s barely done it at all. You supposed he was objectively cute, that maybe you could see it if he weren’t your best friend. And yeah, he’s a little awkward, but he’s smart and kind, so he has three great things going for him, and you’re surprised more people haven’t swooped him up yet.

Your lips curled down in thought, brows raised in curiosity. “And was it good?” It was a genuine enough question, because you’ve never really thought about Spencer Reid and kissing in the same sentence before. As it turned out, there was a lot of missing information relating to those two things.

“I don’t know! I didn’t get, like, a feedback form,” he grunted, angling his shoulder even further away from you. If you could’ve seen him, you’d notice his face boiling and turning red with heat. All this inquiring made him think harder about his … talents … than he’s ever had to before, and he’s not a fan.

You were prepared to do some more digging when the slump in his back made you feel a tinge of guilt. It was your fault he looked so defeated. You pressed too hard, disregarding his boundaries just because you wanted to know more. And now, he was wondering if there was something wrong with him, because you wouldn’t leave it alone.

He barely noticed as you swung your feet from under his thigh and rocked onto your knees, leaning forward to nudge his shoulder with your palm. It hauled his attention out of his thoughts and back into the room. You wanted to apologize, but instead you settled with “I’m sure you’re fine, Spence.”

He nodded unconvincingly. By the glow of the screen, you could see he was still gnawing on the inside of his cheek, focusing his eyes as he played with a loose hangnail on one of his fingers. It made you feel even worse. “Are you actually worried about it?” you asked, laden with concern.

“What if I am bad at it?” He whispered, like saying it too loud would make it true. “And that’s why it’s only happened once?”

A large exhale puffed out of your nose as you weighed your options.

You could go back to your original plan and apologize for setting him down this path of doubt. But that wouldn’t do anything to stop him from worrying, anyway. You could tell him there’s no correlation between the way he kisses and how frequently it’s happened; that you’re sure the reason isn’t because he’s bad. But you don’t know that for sure.

So, fuck it, you thought, grabbing a fistful of his pajama shirt and tugging him closer to you roughly, pressing your lips onto his.

This way, you’d at least have an informed opinion to be able to tell him if he was good or bad.

His lips were softer than you expected – not that you’d thought about them often, they’re just impossibly softer than they look – and invitingly warm. But they were completely stiff.

You could tell he was trying to kiss you back by the way his mouth ferociously moved over yours. He was trying to be a passionate, engaged partner, but he forgot about the aspect of tenderness.

His lips felt like two solid objects just sliding around on your face. They didn’t move in any sort of accordance with yours. There was no push and pull, your lips didn’t mesh perfectly together to form a solitary unit as they moved in unison.

It felt more like his lips were your opponent, putting up an attack and defense play against the actions of your own.

You pulled away, resisting a giggle at his bewildered face. “You’re not so terrible,” you swipe the corner of your mouth, smudged with Spencer’s flavored chapstick, “But it could use some work.”

He was at a loss for words, mouth gaping open as his eyes darted around the room and all over you. Maybe he’d find an explanation for what just happened carved into the walls somewhere or written across your forehead.

What happened was that you kissed him. And he was a little bit bad. Simple as that.

“I-I wasn’t ready!” he stammered, chucking up his hands defensively. He’d process the fact that he’d just made out with his best friend at a later time, right now the bigger concern was the slight cringed look on your face. He sulked and folded his arms.“What was so bad about it?”

“Well,” you scratched the back of your ear, trying to gauge if he’d react well to getting some advice, “my first tip would be to relax your lips.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“And don’t think too hard. You should react to what’s happening in the moment, not worrying about what your next move is gonna be.” You could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to envision what that would play out like in a real situation. “You wanna try again?” you offered, figuring he’d learn much faster if he was more hands-on about it.

He nodded, and you leaned in close, waiting for him to go for it. His heart quickened under the pressure of performance, eyes screwing shut as he closed the gap. His mouth smashed into yours as he dove in hard. It was toeing on the side of too harsh, but you let that one slide in hopes it was just a byproduct of his nerves.

You had to tap his knee to remind him to relax, and he loosened some of the tension he had in his lips. He slotted his between yours, allowing them to be pliable to your movements and remembering to react, not plan.

He moved his mouth leisurely against yours, trying to match your pressure and pacing. They actually started moving in time with yours at some point. The kiss took on a shape of its own as he started getting out of his head, letting himself enjoy the kiss for what it was in that exact moment.

It was already better than before. Leaps and bounds better. But then he tried to deepen it, building on its intensity but adding more… something into it. You couldn’t even tell what it was he was trying to do.

“Okay, second tip…” you inhaled sharply, pushing him off of you with a palm against his chest. Whatever it was, it needed to stop. “You kinda do this thing like… where you’re blowing air into my mouth?” You scrunched your nose, punctuating your dislike. “That feels weird. Don’t do that. If anything, do the opposite.”

“I’m supposed to suck the air out of your mouth?” His face contorted, voice already slightly exasperated. He barely understood what the air thing was that you claimed he did. He didn’t realize in the process of trying to add pressure to the kiss, he was just forcibly blowing against your mouth.

“Not literally, no.” You laughed a little, rubbing your palm in a comforting pattern on his chest.”But you can use your lips to suck on mine, or my tongue… just nothing involving the exchange of breath. We’re not in CPR training.”

He eased up a little with your joke, adjusting to your advice he gave it another try. After a few moments, he latched onto your bottom lip with his own, sucking it softly into his mouth. “Yeah, like that,” you mumbled against him, voice pitching high in encouragement. He sucked on it with a little more greed, holding it for a second, then eased up, varying the pressure of his movements just like you did before.

You made a mental note to praise him for that at a later time, deciding to instead part your lips to see if he’d venture into further experimentation.

He caught on quickly. He parted them further, prodding his tongue against them as you opened to allow him entry. Just as you started to really enjoy it, he ran his tongue over the inside of your mouth, moving it fast and roughly like he was a washing machine.

“Stop,” you grimaced, tearing away quickly. You had to swipe your hand over your mouth to get rid of the excess saliva that really shouldn’t have been an issue in the first place, given how brief the frenching was. “Your tongue is way too aggressive.”

Overwhelmed, he tilted his head to the ceiling and let out a frustrated grunt, slapping his hands down to the top of his thighs.

There were too many factors to worry about. He had no idea how you looked at him with a straight face and told him not to think too much when there were a million things he needed to remember all at once; he needed to vary his moves to keep it interesting, but make sure he’s not ruining the flow by changing things up too much, and to be gentle but not timid.

All of this was second nature to you, but it was brand new to Spencer. Could you really blame him for not getting the hang of it right away? You decided to stop your list of critiques short for this round to spare him. He’d get there eventually, but not if he felt discouraged too soon.

“I don’t see why people like it in the first place,” he huffed, his head returning to it’s normal posture. In Spencer’s eyes, there truly wasn’t any appeal to kissing with tongue; it looked sloppy and unnecessary, and as you’d just confirmed, it actually was.

You thought about his statement for a second. There’s a certain allure to it, and you didn’t know how to describe it to him. So instead you cupped his cheeks in both your palms and slid your mouth over his again. As his jaw slacked its tension, you slowly pushed your tongue past his lips and gently pressed it against his own before swirling them together.

You sighed softly into his mouth, running your fingers through his hair and tugging carefully at the ends. He made a small noise against you, something like a whimper, and you swallowed the vibrations of it. As you retreated, you captured his bottom lip between your teeth and gave it a light, teasing tug. You soothed it again with your lips before releasing it, a proud giggle forming in your chest as Spencer chased after your lips as you broke apart.

“That’s why.” You smirked at the dazed look on his face. His eyelids remained closed longer than necessary, still feeling the ghost of your mouth on his and a tingle where your fingers were in his hair.

“Oh.” His voice came out meek as he slowly came back to reality, brows wrinkling up his forehead as he opened his eyes.

He put both his palms down on the mattress, one laying flat on either side of you, and dove forward to resume the kiss right where you left it. A surprised squeak left you as his mouth collided with yours with an insatiable hunger. You brought one hand back to his hair, and he was a goner.

He unfolded his legs from under himself and shuffled onto his knees, following his hands until he practically crawled into your lap. Each of his legs hooked onto either side of your thighs as he hovered over your lap, leaning his body entirely into yours.

The physics of it didn’t hold up; he’s taller than you are, and his chest was too heavy for you to carry. The balance was off center and it sent you tumbling back onto the mattress, bringing him down with you until his chest laid on yours.

It was the perfect force – the weight of him on top of you. He tasted like peach candy and sour sugar, and you found yourself craving more of it.

You shuffled higher up the mattress, giving him space to stretch out his body as he followed yours. One of his hands found your waist, gripping tightly, while he placed the other on the mattress beside your head, using it to steady himself. Sliding your legs out from under him, you wrapped them on the outside of his hips, using them to pull him closer down to you.

It only broke off in moments when both of you absolutely needed to get air, gasping as you pulled apart for brief reprieve before colliding again. He followed every word of your advice, getting better with each passing second until he exceeded expectations by leaps and bounds.

Your fingers weaved through his hair, passionately tugging the wavy strands to angle him against you and igniting his nerves under your touch. A soft moan leaves him and you’re encouraged to tighten your grip on them. His hips bucked reactively at the sensation, and he quickly pulled back, a slight embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. He got too carried away.

You took in his flushed face and swollen, kiss-bruised lips. They’d turned a shade of red brighter than you’ve ever seen them, and it was all you could do not to dive for them again as his tongue sweeped over them, soothing the burning heat you’d left on them.

Before he could apologize for his eagerness, you nudged your nose against his, your smile skimming against his lips. “So what else don’t you know how to do?”

☆

☆

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