#it shouldn't be so hard
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#wondering if i should go back on dating apps#it never gave anything to me#i'm just a sad combination of unwanted things put together#and i attract people i am not attracted to (no one's fault i guess)#racial profiling is tough as people think 'looking like me' makes me interested in them#while having nothing in common and even things i don't want to deal with#but now that i'm older maybe things could be different#although men in their late 50s with nothing in common with me is also a thing#and with my gender identity and being demi while unfortunately looking very much like a woman...#it shouldn't be so hard#but it is#and i feel extremely alone#and it's really weighing on my mental health#friends and family are so far from me#i could use some nice companionship...#anyway i'll delete that later i just needed to put it somewhere
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Hm. The depression is creeping back in for sure. Damn.
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sitting at the bar with your bestie and jokingly saying, "i wish that was me," when she spews about how her man made her come so many times the other night they almost hit double digits. you doubt anyone is paying attention to the two of you gossiping and giggling like fools, and you share that you haven't been laid in a while.
"it's been eight months, actually." you pout, slapping her arm when she gawks and splutters something about finding you someone to shag in the back alley right away.
if only you noticed the guy with the fuckass mohawk sitting on the other side of you, intently eavesdropping on your personal conversation. he likes your friend's idea; surely you'll let him pull a few orgasms out of you outside before he fingerbangs you in the car on the way home and finally finishes you in his bed.
ten's a big number to aim for, but johnny's nothing if not utterly determined to ruin the pretty girl who's had him rock hard since she walked in.
#keeping this strictly johnny shouldn't be this hard#'already tired hen? we're just getting started' when you attempt to escape after your fifth o#you wanted ten no? or were you thinking higher? he's happy to indulge either way#and so will his lieutenant—#(gunshots)#soap#john soap mctavish x reader#john mactavish x reader#rainwrites 𐙚
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oooooh Summer for the ask thingy💛
How do you know when you need a break from writing?
A few ways- the words are impossible to string together, of course. Or if I am bored or stuck or just exhausted. Sometimes I need to map it out in my mind and come back later when I feel excited again
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im studying them like little bugs
#im so rrazy about st tos rn it's driving me insane#star trek#star trek tos#spock#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#can you guess who my favorites are. im going t#though i can't really sketch them out without refs still so umm studies ummmm.#when bones 👁️👁️#i shouldn't be so hyped up about photo studies#it's so hard to draw these days man#it's crazy how cartoony the whole cast of star trek looks. yall look easy to draw#why is the quality so shit wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im killing
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ok im waffling on about fallout instead of having breakfast but i saw a criticism of how the prisoners were treated that's stuck with me.
spoilers!
so i think the criticism wasn't incorrect, per se: it condemned the way the show portrayed the vault dweller's naive intention to rehabilitate their murderous captives. it found fault with a common, and horrible, message that tv shows like to say, which is that carcerial violence and even the death penalty is the only effective way to deal with criminals, who are a fundamentally Bad category of human. im sick of that message too! but i think that wasn't what was going on here, actually.
so like, the vault dwellers had only ever experienced violent loss the once, and didn't really know how to cope other than denial and repression of the ordeal. but they were all hopeful and enthusiastic that their prisoners, the invaders that came to kill them all and take their stuff, could be eventually welcomed into the community as their comrades. the champions of this cause were nebbishy dorks and painfully out of touch academics. this is pretty normal for how prison reformers are portrayed, if extremely fucking annoying for those of us who ARE in favor of prison reform.
but so of course when the son of the former overseer, Norm, speaks up and suggests killing the prisoners, because why should they share resources with invaders who explicitly wanted to keep hurting them? why should they show mercy to their attackers? everyone is appalled by this suggestion. because they had to reinvent the whole concept of vengeance right then and there, because grudges and cycles of violence are anathema to a bottle society like theirs. they have been raised all their lives to forgive and forget and now, put to the test, they're recommitting to this ethos: get along, let the past go, look towards the future, believe the best of everyone.
but the prisoners die, anyway. the prisoners are killed with rat poison. and the thing is that Norm who suggested it didn't do it himself. and the prison guard who's blamed for it, even though she privately agreed with Norm that the prisoners are dangerous and unforgiveable, she didn't do it either. it's not a moment of triumphant, cathartic vengeance and it doesn't prove that there's no way to negotiate with terrorists and invaders but kill them like vermin because that's not what the message is meant to be.
the message is that norm stands there in the middle of these inconvenient prisoners, these corpses dressed in his own people's uniforms, and he looks at the new overseer. and he knows that she killed them, and she knows that he knows. she wanted him to know. this is her message and he's reading her loud and clear. and he doesn't look like a guy who's just been backed up by authority, who's just been validated in his desire for the ultimate control over those who have wronged him.
he's scared and pale and the music is ominous as fuck. and he's inside the cell, he's directly in the middle of it.
because what just happened is that he realized his entire society is being held prisoner, and the overseer is the one with the rat poison. and that he doesn't know, anymore, what freedom and safety and justice actually mean, just that he doesn't have them and he doesn't know where to find them.
that's what that scene meant. not that rehabilitative justice is a pathetic delusion of people who have no idea how to make hard choices.
but that before you advocate for killing prisoners, you might want to see how big that prison is, first.
and which side of the bars you're standing on.
#fallout#look i went NUTS over the prison scene#it's gonna live in my brain for a good long while#RATS ARE A BIG THEME IN THIS SHOW#the rats that are vermin and the rats that are lab subject#both disposable#both struggling so hard to survive#both in pain and wondering what's going on and why is life so hard#both disposed of when they go where they shouldn't
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going INSANE. what is he thinking. why did he say this. why does he do all of this. i am thinking so hard.
we know he's seeking arceus to recreate the world bc in his eyes the world is cruel and unjust and it needs to be destroyed and remade. he's set himself on a mission to create the better reality he's envisioned for his whole life.
but everything else he does. the way he spends his time on pasio making people smile with togepi. even if he justifies it as something purely transactional to get more customers, we know he doesn't really take his merchant job seriously. the way he loves his pokemon so much that they will pop out of their pokeball to excitedly tell whoever will listen how much they love volo back. him trying to capture these moments of happiness tangibly because they never last long and can be wiped away any second.
he still hangs onto hope so much despite what's implied to have happened to him. in spite of all the anger and bitterness that's festered in him, he doesn't really want to destroy everything as he says.
it all started with a wish for the world to be a better place, for the good in the world to outweigh all the cruelty. he's still trying to spread what happiness he can.
but at the same time his past drags behind him and reminds him that he can't afford to trust in the goodness of the world.
that self-assigned mission to usurp arceus's power and rewrite everything.. to him, it's his duty now. he has to do it for himself and, as he rationalizes to himself, for the world.
so he ignores the flaws and holes he finds in his own reasoning. he can't help but seek out the brightness and happiness and goodness that does exist in the world, yet he has to dismiss it to justify his goals.
... all this to try and explain to myself why volo's asking all these questions and making all these comments that seem to go against what we'd expect given his ulterior motive and plans. and it's like he's asking the few friends he has to remember him as the one who seeks joy, even when he does the worst to fulfill his dreams
#am i coherent#can anyone hear me#does anyone else see my vision#does- [i am dragged outside and thrown into the trenches]#pla volo#pla#pokemon#pokemas#.d#realized 10 min later that i used the word “wish” and am once again getting hit by the celestic-lake guardian trio naming themes so hard#i feel nauseous#volo meaning “wish/want” and being a twisted version of azelf's motif of willpower#next to cogita and cynthia's respective roles for uxie and mesprit#never getting over this!!!#i'm crazy i'm CRAZZY#realization even later: can't believe i almost quoted kyubey madoka magica#when the Character makes you go#*kyubey voice*#“Even though you shouldn't have wanted to know the truth you can't help but chase after it. Human curiosity is really illogical.”
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#lords here means those who have finished their homework; which is jack and sebek#twisted wonderland#twst#sebek zigvolt#ace trappola#twst yuu#twst mc#fanart#MATH SHOULDN'T BE THIS ROMANTIC#I was suddenly dropped with the news i need to do math 'BKSB' test near the future#and i was discussing math problems with my father because i am a stoopid adult growing out of my math now#and my father dropped this screenshot from insta short of a math account with simple to understand formula for fractions#AND I AM CRYING BCS WHY THERE'RE HEARTS IN THOSE#FHSDH i MEANT IT'S SMART#FOR IT TO BE EASY TO READ#AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND WITHOUT BOMBARDING MORE ARITHEMATIC SYMBOLS TO THE PICTURE#LIKE YES THIS NUMBER AND THIS NUMBER LOVE EACH OTHER THEY GOT MARRIED AND SO TOGETHER THEY BE--- WHAT NUMBER#FHSDH#anyhow if anybody knows do tell me if bksb test is hard or not#yuu is the type to finish their homework early but i guess the problem at nrc leave them too busy at times
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it's about...longevity? stability? it's about natsume believing he'll be somewhere long enough to plant flowers and see them bloom. it's about him taking touko seriously when she asks him to tell her what flowers he wants to plant. it's about making something with his own hands, building a future with the fujiwaras. it's about him repairing a rundown home for someone else, restoring it because it's beloved to them, because it's the home of someone they love. it's about him seeing touko's joy and thinking about the youkai saying we'd like to look upon her happy face forever. it's about the box garden making him think of the fujiwaras' garden and his parents' garden, about the flowers being both the memory of flowers that bloomed there before, and the flowers that he and the youkai planted earlier that day. it's about him waking up in both worlds with sensei. it's about touko finding the petal in his hair. it's about him feeling how he falls short and the youkai saying, but you have such gentle hands...
#watch this right after the ephemeral ones to die instantly. i assume. i haven't tried it#i feel like so many of the emotional beats that destroy me in this story come down to impermanence#accepting loss and change. finding the beauty in transience. treating every encounter as something precious‚ knowing it's ephemeral#and this chapter is about...also accepting renewal? allowing oneself to think about the possibility of love lasting#allowing oneself to put down roots. nurturing what is there. building foundations. doing it for and with people#god you know what else you shouldn't watch this after if you don't want to keel over dead probably. the childhood home arc#natsume can now think of the memory of sitting with his father looking at his mother's garden#and associate it with warmth instead of pain. because he's no longer afraid of losing it. because of the trust he has built#because he knows he can build something. the people here have made it safe for him and he has and he is and he will#i am crying so hard i should be collecting my tears for water reclamation purposes#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu meta#my posts#f
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BUNGO STRAY DOGS ANIME GUIDEBOOKS
#Idk just wanted to put them all together. I was like “now that the fifth guidebook is out it would be nice to see them all together!#shouldn't take more than ten minutes” *cue to me taking two hours to find all the pictures in the best quality*#It's just that book 2 and 3 backcovers turned out to be so hard to find for some reason. Book 3 is straight up a photo I edited lmao#Anyways can we talk about book 4 the exclusively sskk one please <3#That's one of my favourite sskk illustrations ever it's just. So sskk. And I like the style a lot for that specific one#atsushi nakajima#osamu dazai#ryūnosuke akutagawa#sskk#shin soukoku#chūya nakahara#skk#soukoku#kyōka izumi#fyodor dostoevsky#tatsuhiko shibusawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd dead apple#mine#bsd official art
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help the undertones feel explicit
#the lost tomb#pingxie#cheng yi#hou minghao#wu xie#zhang qiling#whump gifs#noonas gifs#noonas dmbj#did they have to go SO HARD#it feels like i'm watching something i shouldn't#i'm blushing#noonas pingxie
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This weapon is your life.
#I did spend some good 40 minutes searching through tags so seriously... it shouldn't be this hard to find....#Obi Wan Kenobi#Kenobi Series#Kenobi 2022#star wars#starwarsedit#swedit#starwarsblr#swsource#dailyflicks#userjasmine#obiwanedit#This weapon is your life#anakin lightsaber#lightsaber buried together#lightsaber#obi wan lightsaber#<<< those are all the tag combos i tried and couldn't find. so there for anyone who'd need this specific scene...#buns.edits#buns.all
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sdl ep. 212
#sueños de libertad#sdledit#suenos de libertad#mafin#marta de la reina#marta belmonte#sdl 212#by me#i would have done the same thing if i were in her place so i will support everything she does from now on.#the hard part will be telling fina since she insisted so much that marta shouldn't do anything for the safety of both of them but :D#i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!#if there is no justice then they should look for other alternatives (like this one) (and i hope santiasco ends up dead)#“quien tenga miedo a morir que no nazca -marta de la reina '58”
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Thinking about the CFAU and marveling at how much Danny and Jason care for one another. Does anybody else figure out that Danny is going to kill the Joker, or is that knowledge Jason exclusive? I can't see Danny being close enough to any other Batfam member to disclose his plans, but I wonder if he drops hints. They're a family of paranoid detectives. I'd be surprised if they don't figure out Danny has a PURPOSE for being in Gotham at some point. Whether Danny's able to disguise it as wanting to be closer to Jason or not is another burning question.
Its def Red Hood exclusive! You're right in that Danny isn't close enough to disclose his revenge plot to any of the batfam members -- hell, not even Sam and Tucker know his true motives for returning to Gotham, and they're his best friends right after Jason! And Red Hood knows only because Danny accidentally slipped up ;].
I do also think that the Waynes kinda think something might be up with Danny -- at least Dick and/or Bruce might since they're the only ones who actually know him beyond brief mentions of him. Tim knows about him due to his stalking, but doesn't really know him -- and Danny plans to keep a healthy, friendly distance from the family so he can carry out his plans.
It's not that he holds any dislike towards them -- quite the opposite. He appreciates what they do for Gotham and recognizes the hard work that goes into keeping their Rogues Gallery at bay (even if he is bitter about Joker, but there's an obvious reason for that) -- but, well. He knows they're the vigilantes, he doesn't want to risk them sniffing out his murder plot before he can even go through with it.
Luckily for him he can excuse any distance he puts between them as just being busy with life and trying to settle in, and they're not close enough to him anymore to find it suspicious. I do think they figure out he's back in Gotham for a reason, Danny's not going to exactly hide the fact that he's back to find some kind of closure -- but what that closure is?
I think the only person who might suspect something sinister going on would be Bruce, who saw the sinking rage in Danny's eyes at the funeral -- it was part of the reason he didn't tell him who killed Jason (beyond secret identity reasons). But that depends on whether or not Danny reveals some of his hand, and the fact that he was still holding onto that rage (somewhat unwillingly) all this time.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#cfau#childhood friends au#cfau danny#dpxdc crossover#danny's kept this deep-seeded hatred close to his chest for years. he's so close to his goal he's more careful than ever. he's under the#watchful eyes of his home city and the even more watchful eyes of her knights. he can't make any mistakes here -- not after the last one#with red hood. every step he takes going forward must be a cautious one so he doesn't draw the light of the batsignal.#also! funnily enough danny doesn't blame bruce for jason's death. sure they had a fight but he's not the one who sold him out to the joker#he's not the one who beat him to death. who blew him up. he's bitter over the fact that bruce withheld the identity of his murderer from hi#but even he can recognize the need to protect one's secret identity so he doesn't hold it against him that much. he's bitter over the lack#of action against the joker but that's a personal vendetta and again he recognizes how hard it is to be a hero. he would never ask bruce to#kill the Joker. he recognizes the fact that a hero cannot play judge jury or executioner and he respects Bruce's adherence to his moral cod#he knows it must be hard and he agrees that batman shouldn't kill. ever. bc if the batman kills the joker what's stopping him from killing#the common criminal? its a level of self-restraint and self-awareness that all heroes must have. and he genuinely respects bruce for it#if someone wants the joker dead that bad they can go and do the deed themself -- that's what HE'S doing. danny recognizes that his revenge#is wholly selfish in nature. it is closure for him and jason and him and jason only. its not good its not righteous its murder and danny#has come to terms with it.
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when justin said 'kinda faggy' on that one old episode of mbmbam that wasnt actually him that was Taako taking over his body so its fine he can reclaim
#it still cracks me up to unbelievable levels#kinda faggy#he was so real for that i laugh about it so hard i cry#they shouldn't have removed it#hes allowed say it#do u guys think it haunts him like hes just hoping everyone forgot#i didnt forget but i fully endorse#mbmbam#mcelroys#taz balance#taako
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For those who haven't heard this, this is a clip from the episode of David Tennant Does A Podcast With... featuring Olivia Colman, from 2019. In this clip, Olivia and David talk about people filming them without permission, the ubiquity of camera phones, and the idea of "home" as a sanctuary from loss of privacy. I thought it was something interesting to think about and consider, especially in the wake of recent events.
Transcript of notable bits below:
(Talking about a woman filming David on the set of Broadchurch) Olivia: "[...]And I was very defensive on your behalf, too." David: "I remem--Yes, there was that wonderful day on the pier at West Bay. Where I was having some microphone wire put down my trouser leg. It was very undignified." Olivia: "I think she was videoing you. From a table's distance away." David: "Yeah. I was very touched that you were furious, and you leapt at this woman. Although she sort of still didn't notice, did she? She sort of grinned and kept filming." --- Olivia: "I have friends that I adore and I like going to safe places with them--my home or their home or something." --- Olivia: "Now I noticed the world's changed. Everyone's got a fucking camera. And people are desensitized to fellow humans." David: "When you first lose that anonymity, it's quite threatening. It's much more threatening than you imagine it's going to be objectively. Cause you imagine that sort of--for want of a better word, celebrity--it somehow empowers you, but actually I think it's the opposite."
#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#david tennant does a podcast with#olivia colman#listening to this makes you think of how hard it is to deal with this in public#and how much they shouldn't have to also deal with it in private#olivia talking about being a hermit and not getting to do things with her kids was so sad#because there is a desensitization when everything is behind a screen#and when your boundaries are being pushed all day long#how much it means to have a home and safe space to go to where those boundaries will be respected#and what happens when that is no longer the case#things to think about#discourse
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