#it retail

[isahowdy]

this moment from work has lasted in my head for months and i think its finally time to draw it out

[lordgroose]

my favorite work memory from this store will always be “hey remember when the subway inside the store closed down and they let me take a bunch of their shit for free and now it lives inside my house?”

my life is a joke

[foldingfittedsheets]

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

[cyndavilachase]

real interaction i had at work

[catchymemes]

[rayveneyed]

nanami kento is the kind of man that makes people swoon without even realising it.

he's the kind of man to walk into a luxury store after work, suit jacket folded over one arm and a bouquet of flowers in the other -- his blonde hair still mostly perfect from the high-end pomade he uses. he scours the shelves, frowning to himself, while the attendants whisper and giggle amongst themselves near the tills -- an argument over who will be the one to talk to him, because he's intimidatingly pretty.

("just look at him," one whispers. "he's definitely buying something for a girlfriend."

"a wife," another disagrees. "c'mon. he's giving husband vibes."

someone hums. "but i can't see a wedding band."

"his mother, maybe?" says one other. "oh, i love when guys come in shopping for their mother."

"nobody's mother is getting a bouquet of a hundred red roses--")

eventually, one of them is volunteered as a sacrifice -- smiling and sweet as all attendants should be, she clears her throat. the others, crowded around the till, watch the exchange closely. "excuse me, sir. is there anything we could help you with today?"

her mouth is dry and her hands are clammy -- and when he fixes her with those narrow, burning eyes, her throat bobs.

"ah, yes." and his voice is deep and gravelly and drawling, and her stomach turns. she can only imagine what her coworkers are thinking -- hell, she can only imagine what she's thinking. her mind has stopped short. "my girlfriend likes this brand quite a bit. i thought i'd pick her up something..."

disappointment brews in her stomach -- and it's stupid, she knows it's stupid, because obviously a guy like that is taken. and -- she glances down at the roses -- obviously he treats her super fucking well. of course he does, because why wouldn't he? "oh, perfect! do you have anything in mind?"

"well, actually..."

he ends up buying one of the priciest gift boxes available -- fancy body care and perfume laid out in their signature boxes, decorated with ribbon and dried lavender -- no argument, no fight. he doesn't look for something cheaper, doesn't try to haggle or remove something to decrease the price. he adds, and adds, and adds -- and when she mentions a special offer at the till, a little add on for an extra 2000 yen, he accepts it readily. he inserts a black card into the card machine (of course, a black card), takes the beautifully wrapped bag, and thanks the girls for their services -- and just as he's leaving, his phone rings.

of course he answers the phone with hello, darling. of course he begins to ask his girlfriend about her day, the girls think with some amount of annoyance -- of course. maybe the curse of retail isn't entitled assholes expecting you to wait on hand and foot for them -- maybe it's the handsome men coming in to splurge on their girlfriends while you're painfully single and working for pennies.

[oasisr]

after hearing "simply having a wonderful christmas time" by paul mccartney 74 times while working in retail, I came to the conclusion that they shot the wrong beatle

[mirrorama]

estimate! and say you currently still work at your first job, just choose how long you’ve been employed. i also understand there might be some nuance as far as maybe like promotions/transfers/etc etc etc, so feel free to explain things in the tags!

[pjharvey-moved]

i think having worked a retail or food service job actually is more important to not being a loser than doing drugs or having sex. the poll that showed so much of this site has never worked one of those jobs was actually way more concerning to me than any of the celibacy sweep polls

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[fishsinsareacknowledged]

Yap a yap a yap baker simon who retired early on in his military career because he killed one of the sergeants harassing his men. Resigned somehow on honorary discharge through a few strings of his own.

Baker simon who finds a pretty thing in his shop, looking through his handmade goods with cute curious eyes before looking up to him. Barely a hint of fear in them. He likes that. Makes for good customers.

"Just one lemon bar?"

"Mhmm."

And he was tip of his tongue close to saying it's on the house before realizing he wouldn't make it through the month if he did. Bagging up your small treat with a little more care than he usually does as an invisible apology. Just for his mind's sake. Making it extra pretty as he wraps a yellow bow around the packaging. Y'know, to match.

Baker Simon who decides he likes seeing you in his shop once he spots the little smile forming on your lips. Yellow lightly smeared over your lips and he wishes he could reach over the counter to wipe it off you. Maybe lick it off.

Baker Simon who feels a little lighter in his legs when he spots you post shift. Guess who just moved in? It's about time he starts hanging out with people he actually likes.

××××××××××××××××××××××x x××××××××××××××××××××××

Masterlist

Do y'all fw me rewriting this.

[animentality]

[foldingfittedsheets]

Back when I was first leaving the mattress store in 2017 I interviewed at a few places. One was Tesla, the other a jewelry store. I wasn’t a fan of Musk, but I liked the idea of electric cars and I’ve always excelled at sales so I felt like it was worth considering.

I arrived and chatted with the sales manager who said everyone started on phones before they could work their way up. I was a little wary of that as I’m not a phone person but she laughed and said, “Well, you know. We’re still just a startup, so everyone has to put in the hours.”

I stared at her in confusion. Tesla. A startup. In 2017. What???

I laughed a little and suggested that it was past that stage of growth but she doubled down and repeated it later. I remained baffled. After the interview she offered to let me talk to an employee to see how happy she was.

I readily agreed. The manager left. I asked the employee how happy she was.

She said that sometimes pay was late, that promotions were promised that didn’t manifest for months, but that overall she liked working there and cut them slack because they were still just a startup.

I stared at her. It was like listening to a cultist repeating a phrase that was in direct contradiction with reality. I wanted to ask what she thought a startup was but I just thanked her for her time.

I got offered both jobs, Tesla or jewelry. Jewelry offered four more dollars an hour. When I turned down the Tesla lady I kindly said that I didn’t feel there was as much job security in a startup.

[fuck-customers]

So I was doing this training module that goes over the employee handbook and got walloped by this sentence:

I'm pretty sure there's a set order to these things.

[goththembo]

Moodboard for when you have to do the job you were hired to do in the location you applied to getting paid the wage you had to agree to