#it really is a category 5 down bad moment. hoping so bad that this works out long term fr fr

[spearxwind]

.

[game-set-canet]

could I have cute clingy giggly tipsy Andrey after getting back from celebrating a win? Love your blog

You're on my mind

Pairing: Andrey Rublev x f!reader

category: fluff

warnings: none

Author’s Note: Maybe i had a little too much fun writing this imagine 😂 i hope you like it as much as i do! thank you for your request 💕also: English isn’t my first language, so I’m very sorry for mistakes!

* Y/N = your name * Karen Khachanov has an almost four years old son named David

MY MASTERLIST

(not my gif! credits to the owner/creator!)

♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦

It’s almost 1 a.m. when your phone vibrates on the couch table. You suppress a yawn as you try to reach your smartphone without moving too much under the blankie.

It’s a message from Karen. You raise an eyebrow and open his message: »We’re heading back to the hotel. Are you still awake?«

You sit up on the couch and start typing: »You’re already coming back? Did something happen?« and send it together with a second message – the answer to Karen’s question: »Yes, I’m awake. David is asleep since half past seven.«

You volunteered to look after David, so the boys and their teams could go out and celebrate their first double title in 2023. Usually you would join them in their celebration (which are always kinda legendary to be honest) but you have an important paper to write - due to Tuesday – and unfortunately your boss isn’t very patient.

It takes Karen only a few seconds to reply: »Good. We will be back in about 30 minutes and i’ll come and collect my son and you get your wreck back«

»My wreck?!?!«

»Well…Andrey is a bit drunk.«

»A bit?«

»You will see« the symbol under Karen’s name pops from “online” to “offline” and back to “online”, Karen is typing again: »And Andrey begged me for the last 5 minutes to tell you that he really really loves you and insisted that I’m a bad friend if I don’t tell you this.«

You shake your head and sigh: This means your boyfriend is clearly drunk. And a drunken Andrey is really special.

*** *** *** *** *** ***

You just finished collecting all your things (your smartphone, the laptop, some papers from work) when you hear the hotel room door click. In the doorway stand Karen and Andrey - or more precisely: Karen stands and supports Andrey.

“Oh my god, how much did he drink?!”, you whisper-shout – careful not to wake up David who is sleeping in the next room.

“Y/N!”, your boyfriend's face immediately lights up in a bright smile, “Y/N!”

Andrey frees himself from Karen and comes - walking in a surprisingly straight line - towards you to hug you tightly: “I missed you, baby.”

A part of you wants to point out the fact that they were away for only about three and a half hours, the other part of you can’t help but smile against Andrey’s chest while you put your arms around his waist: “Yeah, I missed you too…tell me, how much did you drink?”

“Not much!”, he shakes his head vigorously. You feel him falter because of it, and he would certainly have stumbled if he hadn't held on to you.

You pull a doubtful face and give Karen a questioning look. The older one shrugs: “He is right. He didn’t drink much…definitely less than usual…I don’t know why he acts like that.”

Andrey shoots Karen a uncomprehending glance and hugs you even tighter now: “I just missed her.”

You sigh silently and try to release his arms from you: “Andrey, I need to talk to Karen for a second, okay? Would you please sit down on the couch for a moment?”

At first, it seems like he might want to protest, but then he energetically plops down onto the nearby couch. In the next moment, he wraps his arms around your thighs, burying his face in the fabric of your t-shirt against your stomach, muttering something in Russian you don’t understand.

You blink in surprise before placing your hands on his shoulders – accepting the fact that he seems to be very clingy right now.

Karen leans against the commode next to the door, taking off his shoes but looking at you as you start to speak: “As I already texted you: I put David to bed at half past seven. He ate a bit but didn’t have much appetite.”, while speaking, your fingers automatically start playing with the tips of Andrey's hair. You tilt your head from one side to the other, “And…well, I don’t know…maybe David gets a cold or something? He was very sleepy the whole evening and got a bit cold?”, by now, your hand is running through Andrey's hair.

“Yeah, I’m afraid you’re right. I thought the same when he didn’t want to get up in the morning…well, we will see.”, Karen sighs loudly before he smiles at you, “Thank you for looking after David, Y/N.”

You return his smile and wave your hand in a dismissive gesture: “No need to thank me! He was really well-behaved - as always. And I even managed to finish my work, which I just need to submit tomorrow.”

Andrey murmurs softly, disapproving the fact that you stopped stroking his hair.

“Good good”, Karen nods down to Andrey, asking half-joking half-seriously: “Should I help you putting him to bed in return?”

You suppress a laugh: “No, I think we are fine…I text you if I need any help.”

*** *** *** *** *** ***

Against your assumption, it's quite easy to get Andrey out of Karen’s hotel room.

He has his fingers intertwined with yours, holding your hand as you wait for the elevator. Andrey's hotel room is just one floor down but leading him through the staircase in his condition seems unnecessarily risky to you.

The elevator doors are closing behind you, when Andrey squeezes your hand and beams at you: “Y/N, I love you!”

You chuckle softly and nod as you press the button for the sixth floor: “Yeah, you already said that 30 seconds ago and a minute before and before and before.”

Suddenly Andrey is standing right in front of you: “Yes…but I love you a lot, so I have to say it many many many times.”, he bends his head and covers your face with lots of little kisses.

“I see.”, you can’t help but start laughing while you stroke his left cheek with your hand.

With a soft ding, the elevator doors open on the lower floor, but Andrey doesn't move - a deep crease forms between Andrey's eyebrows as he furrows his brow: “Don’t you love me?”

You look at him with wide eyes, completely confused: “Of course I love you, why are you asking this?!”

“Because you didn’t say it back.”, he pouts, reminding you of a little puppy being denied a treat now.

You close your eyes for a second: “Andrey, I said it back the first five times.”

"Yes, but don't you love me the sixth time?"

“I love you more than I can put into words, okay?”

“Okay.” he nods, beaming again.

Luckly your hotel room is only a few steps away. You are searching in your handbag for the key card, which is a bit complicated because you can only use one hand since Andrey refuses to let go of your other hand.

The door unlocks with a soft click and while you are fumble for the light switch, Andrey starts speaking again: “Y/N, I lov-“

“Andrey!”

*** *** *** *** *** ***

You guide Andrey to your bedroom, decided to skip teeth brushing and all the other things since it’s already half past two and you are supposed to be at the airport at ten a.m..

Sleep is definitely more important now.

“Andrey, honey, can you please take off the clothes?”, you ask while throwing your handbag on the suitcase and unlocking your phone to set the alarm.

You are completely focused on your smartphone, so you don’t notice Andrey stepping in front of you. Suddenly you feel his hands fumbling at the buttons of your blouse.

You lift your head and stare at him: “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You asked me to take off the clothes!”, your boyfriend giggles while continuing to open the buttons – or rather tries to because his fingers are way too uncoordinated for it.

“No!”, you look at him with disbelief, “I asked you to take off YOUR clothes!”

“No, you just said ‘the clothes’”, his giggling turns into laughter.

“Fine, Andrey, honey, can you please take off YOUR clothes?”

“No.”, he replies giggling.

“No? Why not?”

He looks you deep in the eyes, his grin has something suggestive: “It’s much more fun when you do it.”

You raise an eyebrow, giving him a serious look: “Andrey, take off your clothes and go to bed!”

“No, you have to do it!”

“Andrey. Take. Off. Your. Clothes.”

“No, you have to do it!”

Your voice has a sharp undertone: “Andrey! It’s almost two a.m. Please we have go to bed, we have to get up in a few hours, I’m tired!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t want to be annoying!”, hesitantly he reaches for your hand, “Please don’t be angry with me!”, suddenly the puppy-expression is back on Andrey’s face.  

Your facial expression softens, and you give his hand a soft squeeze: “I’m not angry, Andrey. I’m just tired, okay?”

He doesn’t say anything, just nods slowly before letting go of your hand and pulling the sweater over his head.

It took Andrey only three tries to open his belt and after another five minutes he’s finally lying next to you in bed.

Although it’s dark in the bedroom you can feel Andrey’s eyes on you.

You know what he is about to say something but this time you are faster: “Andrey, I love you.”

You move closer to him and put his head on his chest.

“I love you too, Y/N.”, you can almost hear his bright smile.

And a drunken Andrey is really special. And you love him.

♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦

tagging: @bluetackbaby @lxndonorris @fedalev

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - Korea is coming after your office romance crown, Japan

March 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 6 of 10 - (sorry, yes I knew they extended it to 10, and I don’t think it’s a good sign) I thought the kink moment was kinda cute, and it illustrates the best thing about f-buddy relationships, license to play and explore. Also language play! (You know phi/nong is also for pets, right?) Poor Uea never gets to keep a grain of happiness very long - so now he’s pushing it away and self isolating. Sigh, I do hope there is happiness for a few eps at the end of all this trauma. 

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist. Expect this one to stay soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. I LOVE it. Bad sound and wooden acting but this is a classic old school Thai pulp. Older shy (but delightfully manipulative) sweetie dentist Ana with crush on younger sappy sunshine jock engineering student, Fuse. Very much a puppy/cat pairing. I admit, knowing all the various characters’ back stories means everything makes more sense. The friends’ conversations make me laugh a lot, but this is a very talkie show, with not awesome subs, so certainly not for everyone. I’ve already rewatched the first ep 3x. 

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 3 of 12 eps - I enjoy that its the tsundere uke developing feelings first. Unusual approach. I also like that fake dating is being deployed to protect the girl from a stalker. It’s silly but I’m starting to like this show more. 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 12 - Honestly, the boss character isn’t really that tsundere. He’s basically a big old softy. Also baby boy very jelly. I would be too. Ex is v hot. But we keep being told things about these 2 characters but not shown said things on screen. Like the writers think they are telling one story but what we are watching is completely different. It’s... odd.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - Aw, P’Park has an emotional support uke. OMG they brought the flirty faen fatal crumb back! YES. I love him. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 4 of 10 - Good advice about secrets. It better come out and it better be a good reason... like witness protection. I am starting to get annoyed and feel manipulated the more they drag it out. But from the preview it seems like next week brings the PAIN. I have never been more ready. 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 -  Will I ever understand this show? I hate that such good acting and chemistry is squandered on such an incomprehensible script. Is the “Korean doctor thread” a set up for Lue actually being Din (dead lover) with a new face? Because I suspected that at the beginning but if that’s the big twist in this narrative it’s a super clumsy twist. I hope they don’t. I’d rather it’s that Din turned himself into Ken - creepy, but less predictable. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dating Sim (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - Miracles of miracles: The kissing is even good in this one! Aw, baby wants to be courted. The redial phone call flirt had me flappy-handing and cackling. How are they THIS cute? It hurts my heart, two nerds in love. Also being linguistically outed at work is my new favorite trope ever. I rewatched these 2 eps an embarrassing number of times. (Warning, it looks like we got us a classic 1yr Kdrama separation coming down the line. PLEASE subvert this trope ODS. PLEASE.) 

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) eps 7-8 fin - I guess I just don’t get over-dramatic angst about silly things. The premise of this show seems to be overreaction to some stuff, under-reaction (more typical KBL) to everything else. So not allergic but an alcoholic grandma who drank herself to death? Cute confession and kiss. They are so shy and sweet with each other. For a Korean drama this had a great ending which elevated it a lot over the many other KBLs of this type (Tasty, Sweet, Ocean, etc..) 

Final thoughts: A pretty classic foodie set KBL that managed to distinguish itself from others in this category by having a particularly satisfying final episode centered around found family. Sunshine sweetie soju rep gets involved with a shy introverted chef who doesn’t drink. Has a somewhat uneven plot, but If you are looking for a restaurant BL with Korea’s signature softness, then this is a great option. FYI I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented. 8/10 

I present actual footage of P’ABL whispering in your shell-like about what you should watch next... 

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 3-4 of 10 - (here’s how I am getting it) ALL THE TROPES these 2 eps. Cohabitation! Pretty house! Flirting. Ooo evil agent ex? White towel sponge bath doesn’t get deployed by Korea very often. Other thoughts: Why does the ceramicist’s car look like a hearse? How is Gongchan SO CUTE? Boyfriends-to-be eating together is great. So many self-worth issues in this one no wonder @heretherebedork​ loves it. (This is an unexpectedly long series, too. 10 eps and each one is over 30 min. That’s crazy for a KBL = Light on Me territory.) 

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea Tues Viki & Gaga) eps 3-4 of 7 - this sort of emotional and mental manipulation (from narrative and characters) meets bully romance isn’t my thing. (And should be left up to Japan if it must exist at all IMHO.) Ultra cringe, humiliation, and emotional torture for everyone! (What is this, fan fic?) Result: therapy is needed for everyone, including me, who continues to have trust issues with this show. 

Jack o’Frost (Japan Fri GaGa) ep 6 fin - delayed until next week 

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - adaptation of Kei Ichikawa's manga started Feb 27 on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed.

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. It seems to be a light-hearted romance with a comedic flair. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Too hard to find. 

In other news

I finished watching Why You... Y Me (hold over from last year). It’s basically Puppy Honey + a band + excessive fujoshi, so NOT my jam, but the main BL side is nicely handled love triangle, if that’s your thing. There is a tiny gem of a story (buried in amongst the rest of this nonsense) about friendship, support, love, and owning your identity. But BL is very much the secondary plot here and the main plot is AWFUL so I can’t give it more than 5/10. Still it’s all on YT if you wanna give it a try. 

I also finished The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu. (Speaking of Japan psychologically bullying us.) Conclusion? It’s not BL (no BL tropes used, a sub-genre is defined by its tropes, BL is a sub-genre of gay romance). It’s a quirky road trip found family gay drama/romance. It’s fine if you like this kinda artsy tortured character thing. I don’t. But it’s well done high heat from Japan so... 6/10 I guess?

Next Week Looks Like This:

The Eighth Sense starts weds Viki, I’m thinking this is KBL doing JBL style again, so no promises on an HEA for this one. It’s giving me. His (the series) feels. But it could be more in the Blueming vein. Remains to be seen. 

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week’s Adventure in Captions

Actually, Fuse said meeha which is usually translated as wifey (there are other slang words for bottom). Fuse is trying to establish a sexual and romantic dynamic where he plays ���the male role” and he is doing this with Ana for several reasons: 1. Ana made the first move. 2 Ana is older. 

This is definitely one of those were the captions are OK but old-fashioned, it helps to know the common used terms and parlance. They are ALSO never saying boyfriend, they are always saying faen (gender neutral). 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

I really liked this phrasing (Boss & Babe). 

Double date!

The cuteness, it burns us. How is Gongchan a 2nd gen idol, nearly 30, and still the ultimate macknae? Inquiring minds would like his immortality pill, please and thank you. (Unintentional Love Story) 

Another gay cactus baby! (Why did tumblr lose its mind over this? Here’s the BL meme primer) 

I love it when a show calls out it’s own tropes. 

I also love it when a show accurately reviews itself. 

All from Our Dating Sim. 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Okay so Ireah on Peak Time did a bitty cover of Bad Love by Hynn and now I’m obsessed with it. I like her original a lot but I really want him to drop a full cover of it someday. 

[now-that-i-saw-you]

2023 recap

I've lived a thousand lives this year. I also read around 40 books, watched 17 shows, 34 movies and listened to 40,214 minutes of music and I'm gonna narrow them all down to top 3 favorites of each category.

Music

1. Midnights

I'm a swiftie forever and ever so best believe whatever album Taylor released it's gonna be my favorite album ever, but Midnights is exceptionally good. It's no surprise that most songs on my top 5 most-played are from Midnights (and the only one that isn't is seven). This is my AOTY and I want to personally thank Taylor for writing You're On Your Own, Kid.

2. Stick Season

My sixth most-played song was Dial Drunk and I think it was just a couple of streams away from entering the top. The rest of the album is just as good and as poignant. It's so folklore-esque and I adore a good story that makes me forget about my problems.

3. Good Ridddance

Did you guys know Gracie Abrams is fucking excellent? I listened to Good Riddance and it was amazing and then I listened to her earlier work and they were also amazing. Good Riddance is for girls in their 20s who feel like they mess everything up (it's so evermore-coded).

Books

1. All For The Game

I read a lot of great books this year but this is probably the only one I've been properly obsessed with. Every single word in these books made me cry, it just made me feel so much; angry, sad, happy, but mainly hopeful.

2. She Who Became The Sun

This is objectively the best book I read this year. It's eloquent and complex and interesting and deals with subjects like gender and sexuality in such a fine, delicate way. I wanted to savour every moment with this book, read every word slowly so I could properly understand it. Ouyang is up there with Adam Parrish and Lyra Silvertongue in my Favorite Characters List.

3. Conversations With Friends

This book made me feel seen, while deeply hurting me. Turns out I kinda like the Miscommunication trope and I think it's mostly because I love it when characters feel like real people and nothing is more real than not saying what you should or saying the wrong thing.

TV Shows

1. Succession

I came to realize that what makes me love a show/book is mostly the characters. I love complicated characters that feel like real people. I love it when I can't decide whether I hate or love a character. Even my least favourite characters (Logan and Tom) were well-written and had a very satisfying storyline. I did not understand a single thing they said when talking about finance (at least I learned what a Bear Hug is...sorta) and that didn't stop me from enjoying the show and following the plot and to me that shows how entertaining it was.

2. Better Call Saul

Everyone should watch this show. This is one of the greatest corruption arcs I've ever seen on TV and Jimmy is an excellent protagonist, I love the way the writers build his character's arc and his relationship with people around him, mainly his brother but also Kim because their relationship was amazing. They were so cute and doomed by the narrative. Personally, I enjoyed every season and wasn't bored at any point. This show was done with so much love and you can feel it.

3. Totally Completely Fine

I love it when I stumble on a show because I have nothing else to watch and it turns out to be a favourite. Totally Completely Fine has everything: Humour and wit, discussing important, sensitive topics in a very appropriate manner, and an incredibly real sibling relationship. The show gives a voice and empathy to the eldest siblings, the youngest and the middle child and I'm never getting over "you took all the air."

Please watch it because I want a second season.

Films

1. The Whale

Idk if this a controversial opinion or not but I found this film very moving. To me it's a story about healing and forgiveness being a possibilty for everyone. I really felt and cared for the main character.

2. El Camino

The Breaking Bad writers are just very good at their job. I love Jesse and I love this additional story to the universe.

3. Loving Vincent

The entire film was made by oil painting. How can I not include this? It's a beautiful film telling the story of Vincent Van Gogh's death. I encourage everyone to watch it.

[bean-in-dice]

Journey to Love Thoughts

Ep 1

1. That's some pretty nice camera work. Knows exactly where to put emphasis on and stylistically so but not overdo it and rely overly on slo mo (ahem like in MJTY. This is NOT a hate on MJTY btw, don't come after me lol). The lighting and coloring isn't exactly complimentary to the level of camera work (I liked the cinematography in League of Nobleman) in my opinion but it's quite good comparer to most costumes dramas.

2. Ooh Dou Cheng from The Lost Tomb! Hii

3. Music is already very beautiful. Just first 10 mins and there's a track inspired by actual historical Chinese tunes?? Wow I hope they release the full version soon.

4. 1. Wow I really like the Spy girl group. This is exactly what I wanted MJTY Spies to be. It's such a pity to have a badass female assassin to go all "Oh no I don't really mean to be bad, I have this tragic backstory and I'm trapped here, romance will save me!" Like girl sure, you can be a good person but you still need to have a convincing performance if you want to function in your ranks and also your character needs to show the results of your cutthroat upbringing. The only thing worse than that is when fans excuse this as "but that's because censorship and there cannot be any openly ruthless main leads" and I'm like ????? No? That's just wimpy writing?

4. 2. The setup and characters are convincing. They aren't pretentiously mysterious but with 50% amount SLAY and 50% rational. The costumes, world building... all sound legit even if this is not a real historical drama. Way too many period dramas use "but it's imaginary!" excuse to write absolutely over the top and ridiculous universes (This was the problem I felt about Kunning Palace from as early on as first 15 mins, and from what I hear it got worse?)

5. Chen Duling hi again girl you are going to occupy a place in "Most Watched Actresses of The Year" category in my Mydramalist 2023 wrapped for sure😂

Also your neck looks hella weighed down by that updo, you are holding it so stiff.

And hiii cat boy from Reset!

6. The info dumping is not done in an in-your-face way, nor are information deliberately hidden. The story gives you hints and maximizes visual storytelling and spell things out *just* enough. That's very respectful to the audience's intelligence.

Liudao Hall- Detective Organization

-Three Virtue Paths (Calvaries)-

Heaven path: In charge of Royal security

Human path: Monitors the officials

Asura path: Works on prostitution (uhh I think what they mean is like not observing from the "outside" like the prev two but the detectives in disguise placed among the entertainers?) Very cool that they are not prudes and this path is among the Virtue paths😌

-Three Evil Paths (Scouts)-

Hungry Ghost Path: Trap masters

Animal Path: Spies (Uh what, Isn't that more or less the same as Virtue path?)

Hell Path: Assassins Intellect gathering from Prisons aka good stuff like torture

(I still have SO many questions but thanks for the exposition fairy)

7. The pacing is very good and even. There was never a boring moment, I haven't seen something NOT in 2x for so long.

[ilovelotsofthings]

So they other day (2 days ago) I was at work and brain just went Selkie Eggs (qsmp)

My head just is holding these thoughts in and putting them on scraps of paper so I could move them to my Google docs

There isn't a lot for it yet but I am so smiley about this au

So here is the list of everyone.

It is pretty set in stone what they are now

Some of them are up to change in the other category but we'll see.

===

ADULTS

Selkies

Foolish 

Jaiden

Slimecicle 

Missa

Spreen

Cellbit 

Bagi

Felps(?)

 Baghera

Etoiles 

Tubbo

Rivers

Half Selkie 

Quackity 

ElQuackity

Wilbur Soot

Mike

Mariana 

Maxo

Roier (¼)

Aypierre 

Lenay

Nihachu

Tinakitten

Willyrex

Carre

Other

BBH (Demon)

DanTDM (Human)

Fitmc (Human)

Philza (Bird Hybrid)

Luzu (???)

Vegetta (Human)

Forever (Werewolf)

Pac (Human)

Antoine (Human?)

Kameto (Human)

Irommouse (Demon)

German (Human)

Pol (Human)

====

Some random facts (train of thoughts)

Selkies cannot become human until they are 5+ years old.

All the folks (minus A1, Hope, and ElQuackity) arrived all at once

Well there was still a 2 week period without the eggs but still

All the "Eggs" have 5 lives in this universe

I have no plan at the moment to perma-kill the eggs but still want some deaths

For example when Hope appears, Hope is down 1 or 2 lives because of the Feds

A1 I have decided is ElQuackity's which means A1 is with ElQuackity through everything.

Also is why the name wasn't changed.

ElQuackity isn't the best or really a good dad 

The Feds are just normal basically. Testing for who knows what reason. I mean Selkies are interesting 

Also we are going by taking a Selkies skin has them under your control but only so they can try and get it back

A lot of Selkies choose to live on land 

A Selkies coat can turn into a piece of clothing or just actual clothes

Still working out what all the Selkies and half Selkies with skin turn the skin into when it isn't in use

Also I started this 10/5/2023 (October)

So today Kameto came back so now I actually know what do do with him

The Tragedy of your friend (Kameto) selling you out for cash (This Au, not canon… I think)

Also that helped me confirm to keep him human.

Also yes the Feds kidnapped some of the older ones and had the other be born under their custody 

Paid the Selkies to sell out their own babies. Also probably to stay alive and keep their skins.

OH and yes Hope and A1 are still literally seals

Not helpful for ElQuackity as he has no seal skin so he has no idea how to raise a baby seal

Hope at least ends up with Cellbit and others who can teach her 

Also everyone if a hybrid is still a hybrid just mixed in somewhere along side Selkies genes or no Selkies genes

Aka demons still demons, birds still birds, etc

So yes Baghera who is full Selkie had some folks bring in fun genes.

Also ElQuackity is currently in my au is Quackity's brother. Just looking like clone half brother :|

Also ElQuackity is a black swan hybrid alongside being half Selkie with no skin (went to Quackity)

Currently ElQuackity and A1 on the brain A1 lost a life due to ElQuackity neglecting them. Man is having trouble raising a seal with the intelligence of a toddler

^^^

That is all for now. I haven't typed all my thoughts down yet.

Trying to work on it but I am bad at ever doing anything with any aus I make.

[daily-ethoslab]

hihi! this is a bit of a weird question totally fine if you don't wanna answer this, but how dyu find like, what to draw etho doing for this account?

I mean ofc he's etho he's a little cryptid, but still you're on day 200! big achievement!

im currently on like day 40 of my daily account and it gets hard to keep coming up with different things to draw the character in. So much kudos to you for keeping this up for 200 days!! really cool dude

This is a very normal question! Don’t worry about it :D

I’m not the best at explaining things BUT ill try my best!

The way I go about choosing a topic or subject for my etho drawings kinda goes in this order! If one dosent currently work then I move onto the next.

1. Something from the newest upload! (Screenshot redraws or moments that made me laugh)

2. Idea list () Sometimes I get an Idea or two but i wont have the time/energy to develop it so i write it down! As you can see… a lot of them I kinda skip over but thats ok! Not every idea is going to work :). I try not to think about it too much, the thinking is for later me.

3. Pinterest. Not to shill but Pinterest is great for inspiration. I have different folders for poses, outfits, and more! So if I cant come up with something I can go to Pinterest! (This does take a bit of set up cause you need an account and all that ish)

4. Try to experiment with your art! I’m kinda guilty of not doing this one. Its very easy to just use the same mediums and same poses and same colors because they’re comfortable and fast! Try using a different medium! (Traditional art is great for this) maybe set some restrictions on your art like drawing using only straight edges, color palette, using your non dominant hand! Its always a great way to shake things up!

5. Other people! Sometimes you can ask others for requests or ideas! More often then not if people follow you they probably have something they want to see! I also want to include drawing something from fan fiction in this category cause thats other peoples brains. Just make sure you credit people!

6. Memes. these also tend to be the more popular posts ive noticed haha. But sometimes drawing characters in a meme format can be a good because it gives you a joke and sometimes a pose. (I try not to use these too much cause I don’t want it to get stale and i dont want to become reliant on them.Not shaming anyone who does 😓)

7. Last resort….. I HATE when it comes to this but sometimes your ideas are nonexistent and your inspirations are evaporated. Think of this as a break in case of emergency option. Don’t. Stop. Drawing. If you keep drawing the same thing over and over the mind numbing boredom will force your brain to pull SOMETHING out. (Not recommended! Can cause burnout!)

This isn’t in a strict order as i kinda bounce around! I hope this helpful in some way! If you need me to explain something a bit more I would be more then happy to!

This account is actually really huge for me! Would you believe me if i told you I’ve NEVER made it past day 10 of Inktober. Look at me now! Day 211! I think one of the best things to keep in mind is that not every post has to be perfect. Some days art just isn’t working but you still want to post! (Ive been trying to get a back stock of ethos for these days but it’s been difficult q_q ) Its ok to post something bad! Its ok if you don’t really learn anything from it! Its ok to be human! Don’t push yourself to post everyday! I don’t think ill be able to when school starts up for me again!

Last but not least, have fun. Its your account! No one is forcing you to do what you are doing so just have fun!

[gren-arlio]

Episode 4 of translations are now done!

Yeah, turns out the episode had to fully be re-edited because of how bad the first one was. Thankfully, it's much better now.

First, the good ol' portraits, this time with Suketoudara, Serilly, and a new Kikimora portrait.

And the video itself:

There was a Fufufu portrait but I forgot to get it. Rip.

Suke's lines were a PAIN to translate, I won't deny. There's 2 lines I'm beyond unsure about so I'll mention those when they come around.

Oh, and the next video I haven't even started yet, so there's a chance of me needing an extra week. Just a chance.

And another thing; Due to the Serilly boss fight being able to be skipped by being her friends (the route the player went,) I kinda need the text for if you say no.

Timestamps:

Start: (0:06, 1:18 is the classic "Alright, lets go inside!")

Suke Boss: (3:27, 5:14 is his defeat)

Schezo gives therapy to Serilly: (6:55)

Fufufu moment: (11:15)

Kikimora encounter: (11:56)

And with that, hope you enjoy.

Introduction: (0:06)

Scaly Girl:

Uh oh!

Schezo:

What is it?

Scaly Girl:

You came here to bully me, didn't you? Don't bully me, don't bully me...

Don't - Bully - Me - Please...

Schezo:

You know...

Fish with Legs (Suke):

Whew! Hey, we still got work to do, Serilly.

Schezo:

(Another strange one...)

Serilly:

Oh, um...

...

Suke:

I'm Suketoudara. Let's dance!

Serilly:

Oh, okay, Mr. Suketoudara!

Suke:

Let's go, Serilly!

Serilly:

Okay, I'll prepare...

Schezo:

...I'm not sure what that was, but now I can enter the dungeon.

(1:18 is just the quote from above.)

-----

Suketoudara Boss: (3:27)

Suke:

Hey! Let's dance!

Schezo:

Your dancing...is a distraction. Stop.

Suke:

What the hell!? Say that again!

Schezo:

...It's a distraction. Stop.

Suke:

What the hell!? Say that again!

Schezo:

...It's a distraction. Stop.

Suke:

What the hell!? Say that-

Schezo:

Ugh, you're so annoying! Don't make me say it again!

Suke:

You're the one who's persistent! [Suke says another word here but everything I tried just wouldn't work. Sorry.]

Schezo:

You're in my way, get out!

Suke:

I won't allow anyone to interfere with my dancing!

Schezo:

Hmph, you're gonna fight? That's funny...I'll turn you into sashimi! (An actual fish dish.)

-----

Suke defeat: (5:14)

Suke:

Gyo-Gyo-Gyo, I've been beaten...

Schezo:

Hmph, but of course.

Suke:

I'm out of here! [This line I'm unsure of.]

Schezo:

Oh, it's finally quiet.

-----

Schezo gives therapy to Serilly: (6:55)

Serilly:

Oh, are you just going through all this trouble...just to pick on me that much?

Schezo:

You know...do I really seem like that sort of person?

Serilly:

I mean...you look...you look scary...

Schezo:

(That may be true, but...)

Serilly:

You didn't really come here to bully me, did you?

Schezo:

Of course not. If you're not the enemy, I'm not going to fight you.

Serilly:

Ah...will you be my friend then?

Schezo:

What? No, that's...

Serilly:

...Is that a no?

Schezo:

(Uh...what should I say?)

[Icon appears saying:

No

Yes <-]

Okay, err...is it okay if I call you a friend?

Serilly:

What? Me? You're going to be my friend? [...Who else is in the room besides you two?]

Schezo:

...Don't talk about yourself like that.

Serilly:

Eh?

Schezo:

It's like saying "I don't care about me." Stop saying things that make you feel bad about yourself.

Serilly:

But...

Schezo:

It's not a "But," sort of deal, okay? There's two main categories in this world,

2 ways to live. One is to walk with your head down, like you do.

The other way is to live like me, always walking forward.

Serilly:

Always...moving...forward?

Schezo:

Yes, as long as you give up your unhappiness.

If one can never move on, one can never change, and that one will never be happy.

Serilly:

... ... ...

Schezo:

You should try to make an effort to be happier.

That's what it takes for us to be friends.

Serilly:

So if I make an effort, will you be my friend?

Schezo:

Yeah, okay, so look forward ahead and walk forward.

Serilly:

O-Okay!

Schezo:

(Sorry if I'm preaching...

Wait, the hell is going on? It doesn't matter to me if she's happy or not...

Damn, I've been acting odd, even for my standards.)

Serilly:

Well...excuse me. [She leaves and the treasure appears.]

Schezo:

Wh- What the!?

I can't get the chest, and it's right there! Hey, go get it...

I mean, no one's here anymore! I don't know what to do...

[During this moment, Schezo gets the 3rd orb.]

-----

Fufufu Moments: (11:15)

Schezo:

Okay, now I have 3 orbs...

Fufufu:

Fufufu, you're here.

Schezo:

Oh, you're...

Fufufu:

Fufufu, here's a guide to an event.

Schezo:

...What?

"A lovely lady will take you into a world of pleasure.

All inside of the Puyo Puyo Dungeon. I'll be waiting. ♡" [idk why my phone has that.]

...A "World of Pleasure!?"

Fufufu:

Fufufu, are you going?

Schezo:

What's in the Puyo Puyo Dungeon? Hmm, guess I'll have to go.

-----

Kikimora encounter: (11:56)

Schezo:

Hey, can you tell me more about this event?

Kikimora:

Eh? Well...

"A lovely lady will take you into a world of pleasure.

All in the Puyo Puyo Dungeon. I'll be waiting. ♡"

...And when did this kind of thing start!?

Schezo:

Wait a minute, I should be the one asking the questions.

You're the usher. Wouldn't you know?

Kikimora:

What? No no, I mean...I don't know any event like this... [apparently in context she starts to cry.]

Schezo:

Ah...got it.

I'll go check. Don't cry.

Kikimora:

Y-yes...

Schezo:

(Tsk, can't be helped.

I'm going to see what this lovely lady looks like...)

[MENU STUFF AGAIN:

Listen

Ranking

Bulletin <-

Back

---

You Who Has The Grimoire

The secrets of Puyo Puyo Dungeon

Serilly, Where Are You you? <-

Identification Recommendations

Trap Alerts

Pinning Recommendations]

Bulletin Board:

Issue! Serilly-chan! Where did you go!?

I'm begging you, please come back!

- Suke

-----

And that's all. The next episode might take another week or two to complete, so heads up for that. Thanks for reading though.

[pixeldistractions]

The community arts center in Evergreen Harbor was a popular destination in the neighborhood, but Maria had never found the time to go. There was always some excuse to claim for why she was too busy. She worked four days a week, and she obviously had Johanna to care for all on her own. Nobody could claim that she wasn’t busy. But her sister suggested that she should experiment with some new hobbies and try to find something more than work and motherhood (and pining over her man) to do with herself. 

So they went to the arts center one morning. There was a children’s program for Johanna, and Maria browsed through some of the adult offerings. 

She really had high hopes for the wine-making class. Wine was delightful, and Maria had Italian heritage and culinary inclinations. Surely this should be a good fit! 

But then she remembered that she was also squeamish. Somehow she never thought very deeply about how wine was made. But now, flat on her ass in a barrel of sloppy fruit, she didn’t think she’d ever see wine the same way again. 

She finished making the bottle. It was terrible—her butt was in it, after all—but at least she could say that she tried something new. 

She would keep wine-making on the back burner while she looked at some of the other classes. 

Flower arranging? Now this was definitively not gross (unless she found a bug, then she’d be out!). But she was also not very good at it, and the arrangement turned out terrible. How hard could it be to stick a bunch of flowers in a vase and make it look pretty? Very hard, apparently. 

Now she felt like a failure all around on top of having sticky “feet juice” all over her clothes.  

This was why she felt it totally acceptable to take herself back home, sit by the phone, and pine over her damn man. 

And that was exactly what she did. 

But, you see, about that man—Jordan wasn’t having the best time out there, either. He told her all about his falls, scrapes, bruises, sunburn, and a possible fractured wrist. He was lonely, tired, sad, sore, and yet, he didn’t quit. He may have thought about it in some particularly down moments. He may have weighed up the pros and cons. Yet he was still out there, climbing and climbing, against all odds.

So when he called later, when he asked her how the wine-making class went, how could she tell him that she tried once and quit over a little goopy mess on her clothes? He wouldn’t judge her, and he might even find it endearing, her being such a delicate little princess. She did wish for him to find her endearing, but she didn’t want him to think of her as a quitter. Because she wasn’t one. 

So she went again. She tried again. She put the sloppy fruit out of her mind, and this time, it didn’t bother her too much. It wasn’t so bad.

Then, when Jordan called her that night, she would get to tell him that she tried again.

The wine still tasted like shit, but that didn’t disappoint her. Somehow, it only felt like a challenge.

— from “boxes and squares #4.2: “then have some faith” (1/5)

story note: you are not experiencing deja vu! Sorry to make you read this scene again. I first wrote it as a little off-story piece. Not non-canon exactly, but just a little drabble. But then I decided that it belonged in the “official” story. So here we are again! With a little more depth this time. 🙃

and a little gameplay note: Maria is taking “nectar-making” in the culinary category for her second aspiration, besides her “big happy family.” <- since that one takes about a whole freaking lifetime to complete! And as for the negative moodlets, I’m happy to see they don’t happen every time. I guess we’ll just have to keep her stocked up with other happy moodlets to overpower the ick factor, lol!

Next ->

[maximoff-pan]

meddling kids coworkers | spencer reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: An interrogation into your private life by a couple of your coworkers at the BAU leads to some interesting revelations…

Word Count: 1.9k

Prompt: meddling friends (flufftober day 7)

A/n: Ummmmm, how have I never written for Spencer Reid before??? I’d say bitches be back on their bullshit...but I’ve legitimately never posted anything for him before....like, what?...AnYwAY....I have been watching criminal minds for the last couple of months or so, and I’m currently on season 5. So this is the core 7 era criminal minds....wow what a long time ago...I hope you enjoy!

find the flufftober masterlist here

• • • • • •

“Pretty girl.”

Your head snaps up at the sound of Derek’s voice. Catching a glimpse of him, your face breaks out into a smile. The way he walks, the manner in which he speaks - which is entrancing in its own right - exudes this sheer amount of confidence….dare you say, swagger.

It’s something you’ve always admired about Derek, something you wish you had.

“Mister Morgan.” You reply, mockingly professional. Swiveling your desk chair to face him, you ask, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

He takes you in for a second before responding, his eyes drifting up and down. As a profiler, you’re astutely aware of what he’s doing, but for now, you can’t seem to figure out why.

“You came in late this morning.” Derek observes.

“Yeah.” You say with a curious lilt to your tone. “My alarm didn’t go off. I rushed to get here as fast as I could….”

“But you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday.” He states.

“Uh huh….As I said,” you pause for a moment. “I was in a rush.” Squinting your eyes, you tilt your head in bewilderment. “I don’t understand what you’re not getting about this.”

“Mhm.” Derek considers. “The (Y/n) I know would never forget to set her alarm, unless-”

You wave your hand up to stop him. “Where’s this going? Unless what?”

“-unless you didn’t sleep at your apartment last night.”

And bingo….now you know what he’s after.

The behavioural analysis unit is nothing if not intrusive. The team takes the term work family to a whole other level. Each member wants to know everything about your life, particularly your private life, (though there are a few that care much less, e.g. Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, and David Rossi), but, if their names are Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss, and Derek Morgan, they will stop at nothing to get that knowledge.

JJ’s always been the outlier, willing to step in and meddle when she has the chance, but also just as keen to take a step back and mind her own business. You’d like to think you’re in the category that really couldn’t give two shits about snooping into your teammates lives, but there’s always a small part of you that finds it amusing to take part in the office shenanigans.

“You’re so full of shit Morgan.”

“Calling me Morgan huh?” He touts at you as if to say ‘I’ve got you now.’ “I’d say someone’s deflecting from the truth.”

“Ooh.” Prentiss wheels her chair up to the two of you, catching wind of Derek’s mini interrogation, (at least that’s what you feel like it is). “Emily likes where this conversation is going.”

Derek chuckles earnestly, a mischievous glint lighting up his features. “I’m sure you do.”

“Well I don’t.” You groan, rubbing your index and middle fingers into your temples gently.

“Too bad.” She smiles wickedly, gesturing for Derek to continue. “Go on.”

He returns her grin, an equally wicked expression on his face. “I think girl wonder’s got a boyfriend.”

“And you think she slept there last night?” Emily inquires. Derek’s nod confirms her suspicions. “Do you think they slept together?”

Derek goes to respond, but you cut him off before he can. “Are you two fucking delusional? How does me coming in late to work today in the same clothes as yesterday equal me having a boyfriend who I had sex with at his apartment last night?”

“It doesn’t.” Hotch quips as he passes by the three of you with a smirk.

“Thank Jesus for Aaron Hotchner ladies and gentlemen,” you send him a smile of relief as you sigh in exasperation, “the only man of common sense in this unit.”

“That I am.” He agrees. “And as your unit chief who possesses the utmost important skill of common sense, I ask the three of you to please finish your paperwork. Unless you wish to be here all night.”

The three of you shake your heads and disperse to your separate desks, but not before Morgan shoots you a teasing wink causing a laugh to bubble out of Emily’s throat. Rolling your eyes, you push towards your desk. Once seated, you pull out your phone to send out a text.

You: We need to talk. Meet me in the break room.

Spencer: Sounds ominous. See you there.

Spencer lifts his gaze and glances over at you, meeting your eyes for a split second. You wear an unreadable expression, but based on the conversation he’s heard you having with Emily and Derek, he can only imagine what you’re thinking.

He watches as you retreat to the break room, excusing yourself to get yet another cup of coffee, which in your case, is a highly likely occurrence.

Spencer takes a couple minutes before standing up from his chair and excusing himself for the same reason: coffee. Or as the team likes to call it, his sugar with a touch of caffeine break.

He takes in his surroundings briefly, Emily, Derek, and JJ seated firmly at their desks before sauntering off to meet you. When he turns the corner and steps into the break room, he feels the door shut gently behind him.

Spencer notices the coffee mug in your hand as he turns to face you, a look of near panic in your eyes.

“I think we’ve been caught.”

“No.” He laughs knowing exactly what you’re talking about. “I think you’ve been caught. Nobody said anything about me.”

“Spencer. Come on.”

He only laughs at your desperation for him to take this seriously. “Like I said, I never heard my name brought up in that conversation. Derek and Emily seem to think you have a secret boyfriend, which as far as they’re concerned, I have nothing to do with.”

You glare at him clearly unimpressed. “Except for the fact that you are the secret boyfriend.”

Spencer shrugs with a light chuckle. “They don’t need to know that.” He smirks. “Besides, it’s not like I’m the one who came in late today with the same clothes on as the day before.”

Your eyes narrow once again, the playful banter starting to wear you down. “And whose fault is that? You’re the one who kept me in bed this morning.”

“Actually, I’d argue that we both kept each other in bed.” His gaze is taunting, his smile crookedly laced with mischief. “And it’s not like we could have shown up at the office at the same time. One of us was bound to be late.”

“That one of us just happened to be me.”

“Exactly.”

Spencer leans forward, pulling you into his embrace, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, as you tug him even closer. There’s no room between you, it’s close, it’s intimate, and it’s utterly wonderful. But it’s been a work in progress to build this kind of trust, your jobs having created many traumas you’ve each had to deal with.

Before you started dating, this type of affection would’ve been foreign for Spencer. He’d kissed a few girls before, and he had some experience in the bedroom, but he wasn’t used to initiating this kind of physical contact. But having spent over a year together, and many more as friends and teammates, he’s quickly become used to how comforting it feels. You’ve made him feel safe, made him feel that he can not only trust himself, but trust you to allow himself to open up to someone in a way he’s never really done before.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?” You question between kisses, your coffee cup now relegated to the counter top as you run your fingers through his hair.

He sighs asking, “Is it helping?”

“It’s not hurting.” Is your reply, as you lean in for another kiss. A kiss that is rudely interrupted…

“Oh I’m sure it’s not.” You’re entirely aware that that’s not Spencer’s voice, which causes your heart to drop. It sounds much more like Derek’s…

Letting your hands fall from Spencer hair, you allow your head to collapse gently onto his chest, a groan bubbling in your throat. From your periphery, you can see the door to the break room is now open, and you can make out the shadow of a figure standing within it, which no doubt belongs to Derek Morgan.

You don’t even try to hide anything, and neither does your boyfriend, both of you knowing there’s no use. But you do let go of each other, turning shamefully to face the man in question.

“Now, we’ve been caught.” Spencer clarifies.

“Smart ass.” You mumble under your breath, a hint of a smile appearing on your face.

Spencer smiles too, and despite the situation, he doesn’t really care that you’ve been caught.

You grab a hold of his hand reassuringly as Derek leads you back to the bullpen. He sends you a knowing glance that tells you ‘don’t worry. Everything’s going to be alright.’

And instead of following Morgan, you both decide to let him do his thing. If he’s going to out your relationship (which you’re both pretty sure has already been unofficially outed by the profiling skills of your teammates), you may as well watch it implode from a distance.

“Do I have news for you!” Derek slides up to Emily’s desk catching the attention of both her and JJ. “Guess who I just caught making out in the break room?” He asks with a wide grin.

“It wouldn’t happen to be the two BAU agents over there who are holding hands affectionately would it?” Emily’s response causes Derek’s eyes to widen, his eyebrows raising at the sight.

“I figured they’d at least be a little more subtle about it.” He jokes.

“Cmon.” JJ jumps in, a twinkle in her eye. “They’re like the worst kept secret at the FBI.”

Derek’s gaze narrows at the blonde quizzically. “You knew?” He asks.

“Of course.” JJ replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Hotch?” Derek turns to his boss as he watches him descend the stairs from his office into the bullpen.

Hotch’s lips pull into a playful smirk, something that feels rare for him. “Morgan, how could I not know?”

Derek pauses, trying not to fumble with his words, “I-I don’t know.”

“Everyone knew my sweet cupcake.” Penelope saunters in, her attitude astonishingly bright, yet even brighter now knowing that her friends no longer have to hide their love. She places a hand on his shoulder gently sending him a calm, reassuring look as he pouts slightly in return.

Emily surrenders with a smile, putting her hands up in a mocking display. “I didn’t.” She laughs. “But hey, I’m happy to be proven stupid any day of the week if it means they get to be happy like that.”

Each member of the team nods in agreement, turning to watch the two of you together, happy and in love. It’s been a long time since the office has felt this warm, like there is something good on the horizon. The BAU has always been more than just a work unit. It’s been a family for you all, and one that was due some love, because each of them knows, no one deserves to find it more than you and Spencer. Not a single person here could contest that.

“Speaking of stupid,” Hotch shifts the focus, breaking the content silence in the room. A tantalizing grin widens on his face, a look from him that’s foreign to many of the team. He turns to the author cheekily. “Dave, you owe me fifty bucks.”

[animeomegas]

Who is the most needy while in heat?

I decided to write for a few characters for different categories: Clingiest, Horniest, Territorial and Requires Support. Enjoy~

Who is the clingiest:

1.     Itachi – Itachi has only ever had soft heats in his life(heats that are not sexually, but instead emotionally charged). He didn’t have his first heat until he was already part of the Akatsuki and didn’t feel safe enough for a proper heat. His health also isn’t the best, so his body knows to have soft heats rather than normal heats. Because he only has these types of heats, they are very strong. He feels a constant urge to be by your side, ideally with you touching him at all times. He can’t take suppressants because they mess with his illness, so he can’t minimise the effects. He spends the two days holed up in his room, the door locked and sealed shut. He won’t let you leave his nest much, growling and whining if you try. His instincts are screaming at him that he has to protect you and that you have to protect him. He can get a little addled and confused because the impulses are too strong. He’s extremely clingy in heat and he hates it. He always feels embarrassed afterwards.

2.     Izuku – Izuku is prone to crying and feeling very rejected if you neglect him during his preheat or heat. He feels the sting of rejection very strongly and feeling abandoned during a heat is… not good for omegas to put it lightly. It can make them sick if it’s serious enough. So, Izuku will definitely try and keep you in his nest as much as possible, asking wordlessly to be carried with you if you need to leave for a moment. Going to work or leaving the house during his heats (even when he’s on suppressants) is a no-no for him. He will do anything to get you to stay with him, including but not limited to hiding your keys, seducing you, and begging.

3.     Mammon – From the second he’s in preheat, he literally will not leave you alone. He’s very attention starved, but his slight tsundere tendencies keep him from acting on his need for affection. His heat and preheat remove the tsundere tendencies and make him even more desperate for attention. He’s hanging off of his Alpha constantly, following them around and sleeping in their room. He enjoys laying on top of them while they stroke his hair or rub his back. Will growl away anyone who tries to take you from him. If the growling doesn’t work, he’ll whine at you to stay with him because he knows you can’t refuse him when he’s like that.

4.     Kaoru – He doesn’t like how clingy he is, but it’s very uncomfortable for an omega to ignore their heat urges, so he doesn’t bother trying to resist it. He’s very prone to loneliness when he’s in heat or preheat, so he likes it if you’re with him as much as possible. He will spend most the time sitting on your lap, innocently and not so innocently.

5.     L – He isn’t particularly fussed about constant physical affection, but he wants you to be in the same room as him at all times. He constantly turns away from his work to make sure you’re still sitting in the room with him, and in the evenings, he likes if he can sit on your lap while he works. His heats are reduced from suppressants, and his libido is very low generally, but he still likes to make sure his alpha is safe and with him during his heat and be surrounded by his alpha’s scent.

Who is the most territorial during heat:

1.     Sasuke – Will straight up growl at anyone who gets too close to you both, and it won’t end well if someone shows up at his house when he’s in heat. Sasuke immediately views whoever it is as a threat and would likely try and attack them, especially if they were a stranger or someone he didn’t like. He is a lot less stressed during this time if you both just hole up at home for his preheat and heat. One of the reasons he makes his nest in a walk in wardrobe is because it’s an easily defendable place.

2.     Shikamaru – He has to have an arm around you or vice versa at all times. He makes sure you always smell like him during his preheats, just as a warning to other omegas. In heat, he gets very intense and caught up in the feelings, so interruptions from outsiders will be jarring and he’s likely to react aggressively.

3.     Shinsou – Is very paranoid when in heat and preheat. He gets nervous about people coming to try and hurt him and his mate while he’s weak, so he doesn’t like anyone he doesn’t know around you or him. Shinsou is fiercely protective of his family and his alpha. When he’s actually in heat, he would probably try to attack anyone who got too close.

4.     Belphie – Likes to just lay down and sleep with you when he’s in preheat, and whenever any of his brothers (or anyone else) try and get you to move, he growls them away, wrapping his arms around your chest to stop you from going anywhere. Would definitely bite someone if they were brave enough to try and remove him from you by force. When he’s in heat, he uses compulsion charms to keep people away from the attic where he likes to spend his heat with you.

5.     Diavolo – He can’t keep his hands or lips off of his alpha during preheat, but not just in a horny way, mainly in a ‘they’re mine’ kind of way. He likes to show off his relationship to others as a warning to stay away. He is delightfully smug if you return the treatment.

6.     Kusuo – He pretends he isn’t being territorial when he’s in preheat, but whenever you end up in conversation with someone, Kusuo is just suddenly standing next to you, I wonder how that happened? He also makes a way greater effort to ditch anyone who might interrupt his alone time with you. He turns his friends away if they show up at his door when he’s in preheat. When in heat, he gets off on the ‘you’re mine and I’m yours’ aspect.

7.     Light – This boy in greedy for your attention when he’s in preheat, and very bitter if he doesn’t get enough of it. He directs most of his anger at anyone who he perceives as taking you away from him. He will lie and manipulate others away from you both during this time with zero hesitation or regret. Would be possessive if you gave too much attention to a book while he’s in heat.

Who needs the most support:

1.     Alois – I headcanon that Alois has some specific heat related trauma, that I’m not going to get into right now, that impacts him greatly. His alpha is his protection. He only feels safe during his heat if you’re there with him. If you leave him alone, even just for a minute, he will panic, fear mixing with his already heat addled brain. For that reason, he needs a great deal of support, he needs a gentle touch and a constant presence.

2.     Shouto – His father paid to have him on illegal grade suppressant without him knowing just after Shouto’s quirk came in. Endeavour got the quirk he wanted, but not the dynamic he wanted, so he tried to change that. He experiences similar heats to Neji when he first comes off of suppressants. He’s so sensitive everywhere that it hurts. He wants to be touched so badly, but it hurts him. His alpha needs to work with him slowly to help him overcome the sensitivity.

3.     Neji – I mentioned before that due to the suppressant abuse that was inflicted on Neji as a child, his heats can be very painful, especially at first, much like Shouto. For a more in-depth analysis, I have headcanons on Neji’s suppressant abuse listed on my pinned masterlist.

4.     Keigo (Hawks) – He suffers from really bad paranoia during his heats. At first, it’s unclear what’s triggering the paranoia, but eventually it becomes clear that his treatment in the hands of the Commission have left him some nasty mental scars. When Keigo is in heat, he needs to have the door locked and bolted, the windows lock and covered with thick curtains and blinds, he needs to be rid of all technology or anything a person could use to contact him, and he needs all supplies to be in his nest with him so that neither you nor him have to leave that one room. It’s why the room he nests in must have an ensuite. He tends to have soft heats (emotionally charge rather than sexually charged) because his paranoia makes his body think he’s in too much danger to have a proper heat. It’s lucky that his heats normally only last for a day.

 (N-sfw under cut~)

Who is the horniest:

1.     Sebastian – He barely manages to keep it together during the day when he has to serve Ciel, but at night? You better be fucking him so well that he can’t stay coherent. He needs a full eight hours of sex before the heat withdraws enough for him to focus. A demon’s heat is very intensive after all.

2.     Kakashi – Every little thing sets him off when he’s in heat. Maybe you knotted him and the heat is subsiding a little, but then you bit your lip or stretch in a certain way, and immediately he’s consumed by his heat again. He struggles to keep it in his trousers long enough to hydrate and sleep. Sometimes he needs to cockwarm his alpha just to be able to calm his instincts enough to sleep.

3.     Tamaki A – He gets so horny at the peaks of his heat that any and all nervousness completely vanishes. He will beg his alpha shamelessly to get what he needs. He cannot control his voice at all, so you better hope your neighbours are forgiving, because Amajiki shouts some filthy things when he feels really good.

4.     Asmo – No one is surprised that he is completely and overwhelmingly horny for his entire heat. Most omegas have down moments for resting and hydrating while their heat isn’t so bad. Not Asmo. His heat lasts for three days (a maximum amount) and is intense for all of it. You have to make him to eat and drink something while he begs and writhes on your lap for you to fuck him.

5.     Kiba – Has a very high sex drive in general, even when he’s not in heat, so it’s no surprise that he’s basically insatiable when he’s in heat. He jumps his alpha five times a day when he’s in preheat, and every hour when he’s in heat. If you can’t provide for him as often as he needs, he will absolutely buy a knotted dildo and use it while he’s on top of you. Most of the time that convinces his alpha to help him get off.

[dienamights]

A Reverberate Lullaby | K.Bakugou

✎ The echoing howls stalk you, a ghost hunched on your shoulders, wailing like a child calling for rescue, who cries with no tears. Chanting for a hero that is willing to pick up the pieces of its soul and being, yet it is only left to wither. For the ghost has lost faith that such others exist and can only be cured by finding them, for you are the ghost of your world and love is the only true exorcist.

✎ Protagonists: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

✎ Word count: 4.1K

✎ Category: hurt/comfort, Implied Mature Content MDNI, Prohero!au, Established relationship!au

✎ Caution(!): Implied Mature Content MDNI, mention of depressive state, toxic family, toxic coping mechanism, mention of reader’s weight gain and thoughts about self worth. Please keep in mind while every person’s reaction to depression is different, don’t belittle anyone’s battle when you don’t understand it.

✎ Author’s notes: Hello! Hope everyone’s taking care! Still on hiatus BUT I’m here to post my contribution to the Mental Health Awareness collab by @doinmybesthere​ ! This has been in the works for a while because I kept scarping ideas for triggering me lmao. This piece is very personal to me and I’m glad I am able to share my experience with you all, I hope that it might help anyone out there in reaching out and asking for help because I know how difficult and scary it might be! Please check out everyone’s contribution that they worked so hard for! kisses kisses take care!

OOH ALSO! Thank you so much for 900 followers aaaaaah! You’re all so amazing and if anyone has suggestions for an event to hold in June lemme know! I’ll also think of some ideas

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

The morning sun barely rises and peaks through your blinds, sunshine starting to kiss at your cheeks as you squint at the light, the room welcoming the warmth that is being brought into it after the evening’s chill that made you curl tighter in on yourself, clasping whatever heat you could muster than to turn around and find it in the heating pad of a body that lays next to you. 

An alarm only just rings before quickly being shut off, followed by the creaking of the bed when the person behind you shifts, shifts again, another time, before getting up and stalking to the bathroom, after letting an elongated sigh when they sit at the edge of the bed, not acknowledging your presence accompanying theirs. The door clicking closed before the trickling of water fills the quiet room.

Your clock reads 5 am when you squint at it, and you blink at the time before you go on with your routine, setting up breakfast while your boyfriend gets ready to go to work. 

Oddly enough, you don’t really quite remember when you started working on the food, all that you could see in front of you is nothing but a scene that looks like it’s out of a broken TV - there’s just so much static. The voices are distorted, as if they’re coming from a defective radio.

“Listen, this ain’t about me, this is about you and how you-”

“What about me? Huh? That you see me as nothing but a burden? No, you can say it-”

“You wanna hear me fuckin’ say it then fine! This is about you sitting on yer ass all day obsessing over her while she wouldn’ give you the time of day y/n. When will you fuckin’ realize that?”

The scene blurs and sways, and you feel your mind run at a speed you didn’t know it could muster, and you’re unable to keep up with it. The knife in your hand shakes vigorously and barely misses your fingers when you bring it down to cut the vegetables.

The sound of the bedroom door shutting closed alerts you, straightening your back when you hear the drop of your boyfriend’s gauntlet by his chair at the dining table. Katsuki approaches you with careful steps, his still ungloved hand circles your waist before pressing his lips to your temple, a gruff greeting of a whisper laced in between.

“G’morning.”

The familiar scent of caramel mixed in with his aftershave welcomes you, wraps around you and cradles you, promising everlasting safety and happiness. Yet, your heart wrenching sobs and muffled crash of your laptop against your floor that rings in your ears tell a different story, shrieking at you, roaring about your failures, mocking your entire existence.

“Made gohan, should be ready in a minute.” you mumble back, posture stiff at the close proximity of Katsuki and you feel the curl of his lips in displeasure pressing into your temple from both not reciprocating his greeting and your choice of meal for the morning. “You don’ eat gohan,” 

“s’why I’m making it.” The quick retreat from your figure is like a slap to your face, and you barely stop yourself from reaching out and forcing his arms back around you. Because it's the bite in his voice that halts your movement. 

“You’re still going?” you finally turn to take a look at him, the garnets in his eyes shifting, bleeding from hurt, betrayal, confusion, you really weren’t sure. And by God you had no energy left to try and figure out. “Yes I’m still going Katsuki, they’re my-”

“Yer really listenin’ to the bullshit spillin’ outta ya? This isn’t about em being your family y/n, we’ve been through with it already.” the space between you two feels like endless miles, pieces of the broken bridge you both worked so hard to build the only evidence of it ever being there, the rest crumbling into the valley in between your bodies.

“No, you’ve been through with it, I just wanna make things right, m-maybe I can fix it”

“It ain’t yours to fix y/n, when will you realize that?”

“No!” there you go again, sobbing pathetically. “W-why can’t I have a family, huh? Why- why can’t I, fuck, have a family that just loves and supports me a-and just doesn’t- ” your voice croaks, not failing to notice how Katsuki stepped away from the wreck in front of him. Probably having had enough of you, had enough of how troubling and bothersome you are, probably wondering how he got roped with all your shit and got dragged into your mess of a life.

His hands feel like scolding fire when they’re placed on your shoulders, halting their shaking as you cry into the palm of your hand to muffle the sobs, a habit Katsuki has been working so hard on to help you overcome, saddened to see you try and hide your vulnerability from him.

“Because they never made an effort, so why should you?” The tugging at your heart burns, the swallowed sobs feel like needles prickling at your lungs, making breathing feel like an impossible chore. You can’t help but feel restrained whenever you’re presented with the truth, especially unfiltered and unsugarcoated like right now, you know he’s right, you’ve known he was right a long time ago, but admitting it out loud just felt borderline impossible. 

So you do what you do best, push him away, all the strength you can muster barely budges his figure, the meal forgotten on the counter as you run and lock the bedroom door on yourself.

Your footsteps feel heavy, dreading the topics and scenes you’re bound to relive. The grip on the strap of your shoulder bag tightening as you push the glass door open. A sigh escapes past your lips again as you enter the restaurant, half-heartedly smiling at the hostess before making your way inside to look for them.

It’s always the same scenery, the kind that always makes you want to run away to the other direction instead of being dragged down into whatever hell this is. And you pause to question yourself, again, why you actually agreed to put yourself out there.

There they are, seated in the four person table, with two empty seats, one for yourself and the other for the sibling your mother always hoped to have instead of you.

Your mother’s pursed lip could be seen from where you stand at the entrance, the clicking of her tapping foot sounding as bad as grinding metals in your ear, you hate it, despise it

It’s the same clicking you learned to memorize, to anticipate, to fear, when she passed by your room, the clicking that made you smother your face in your pillows and swallow your sobs, because the sound of you crying brought her more distress and annoyance than concern for her daughter.

With another tug at the hem of the shirt you’re wearing, you approach the table, hugging your father when he stands up and nodding to your mom when she eyes your figure.

“Good morning mother. It’s good to see you.”

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

Here we go, you breathe out before tugging at a strand of hair, spitting out your words “nothing’s wrong with it.”

“Then why does it look awful like that?”

There are times like these where you are left to question your reasoning for accepting whatever invitation you received from your parents to have brunch with them after all those months, a moment of weakness deceiving you into believing it was better than to spend it in your empty apartment, with the silence that ate away at your sanity every second. The only evidence of life in it other than yours was the recently cleaned dishes and the note thanking you for the meal, the promise of cuddles and movies tonight making you gain just a little more patience, barely.

You refrain from answering, your response is to lower your head, drag the dining chair before plopping on it, a dreary sigh escaping your lips as you scoot your chair closer to the table. Your mother never changes, it’s been a while since you were able to move out of her home, and while your father tries to tell you that these brunches are a way to reconnect with them, you yourself know that it’s merely a chance for your mother to nitpick at everything you ever did or are doing since you left.

“How have you been y/n.” your father smiles at you, both of you ignoring the sound of your mother kissing her teeth when her attempted jab at you is ignored. “Uh, I uh I’ve been good, I just wrapped up with my exams and so far things have been-” 

“How is your hero boyfriend?” 

For a second, you contemplate whether to ignore her question and keep conversing with your dad, dreading the questions that are to be pushed your way regarding Katsuki, of which will be used as bragging material for when she meets whatever group of friends she associates herself with, but you know better than to ignore her with the way she gets when she isn’t fed with attention. 

“He’s uh, good.”

“Why isn’t he here today? What, too good to meet us?” your mother nags, and for the love of God, would that fucking clicking ever stop?

“No, he’s doing his job of, you know, being a hero.”

“Is he now? Well, what about you, hm?” She cocks her head as her nails tap the table. ”Did you think your father and I wouldn’t figure out you got fired?”

“How-” the gritting of your teeth is deafening at this point, your jaw clenching so tightly as you and your mother stare each other down. “Your dad pulled some strings, it isn’t that hard. So tell me, you like leeching off of him after you were done with us?”

“This isn’t, I just- I was- I, I had a lot of university work piling up a-and I couldn’t make time for my shifts and I just, it was just so hard for me to get out of bed these days and I.” why are you doing this? Why are you explaining yourself to people that don’t deserve it? Why are you feeding off of their acceptance, knowing damn well you never got it, and that thing was never gonna change. 

“Oh, I don’t wanna hear about you not getting out of bed, you’re here now aren’t you? This is all in your head y/n. You need to stop talking nonsense, what’re people gonna say about you, about me, when they hear you?” 

It feels just like yesterday, your figure standing and facing your full length mirror, your reflection eyeing you with identical vacant eyes. Fingers running through your bed head, a wince escaping you at the movement. Bringing your hand up and catching a glimpse of a slight swollen purple bruise along your wrist and the dried blood on your knuckles, the skin stretching upon rotating your wrist and causing notable pain.

Alas, that pain paled in comparison to when your mom barged into your room, blaming you for the way you were acting and belittling your reasoning. Beckoning your father over to replace your broken vanity and for your house maid to disinfect the space, the place sparkling clean and void of any evidence of what had transpired the day prior. 

The shattered glass was picked up and thrown out, the splatters of blood were wiped clean, and whenever you brought up, what your mom refers to as ‘the temper tantrum’, you’re ignored by both your parents as they continued about their day, fearing the shame it would bring upon their name if the event was to catch others’ attention. 

“Good morning! I’ll be your server for the day. What can I get you?” the foreign voice sounds more comforting than your own mother’s, and you almost laugh at the irony of it, but you only return her smile and take a look at the menu. Lighting up a smidge at the name of one of the dishes, while your parents place their order.

“Can I please get the soufflé pancake?” you look up to catch the horrified look on your mother’s face, followed by her clicking her tongue and shaking her head as if your choice of food was shameful. 

“Certainly-”

“Uh, no she won’t be having that. Get her the Honzen Ryori,” your mother eyed your figure -whatever was visible to her from across the table- before turning to face the server again “maybe cut down on the rice, God knows she doesn’t need the extra calories.” and waves her off, disregarding your protests and tapping her nail against the table top, her annoying method in demanding your silence, which you subconsciously react to, snapping your mouth shut when the sound reaches your ears.

“What was that for? You know I like having sweet breakfasts,” was fuming even close to what you are feeling? Probably not. “Yes I can clearly see that, you’ve let yourself go as well. Do you think that boyfriend of yours will stick around when you start putting on even more weight?”

At a loss for words, you turn to your father, who has been quiet this whole time, for any sense of support when it comes to his wife. But the way he presses his lips together tells you all you need to know, how just because he isn’t bad as her, doesn’t make him that great of a parent. That standing by while you have been bullied your entire childhood and well into your adulthood is just as bad as being the cause of it. 

“God forbid he realizes how much of a train wreck you really are and throws you on the side of the street, because you know damn well we won’t be here to pick you up.”

It began as a whispering in the air. The day had been beautiful -well, as beautiful as it can be with the kind of day you’re having- and the sky was like a dome of plasma-blue. The clouds had looked like airy anvils drifting under the gleaming disc of sun. People quickened their pace as the clouds began to gather in the sky. The postcard-perfect sky started changing. The beautiful cocktail-blue shade merged in with the flaming orange and mesmerizing purple as the sun sunk deep into the horizon, before beginning to darken into gravel-grey. Large pillows of cloud start to form, blocking out the old-gold color of the sun.

The first splatter of rain hits you when you’re halfway across the street, dismissing the need to take shelter under the roof of the buildings like some passersby are doing, hoping to see out the shower. Droplets of moisture begin to drip onto your head, sprinkling onto you like a gardener’s hose. It was well after your meal with your parents, and you had spent the last few hours walking aimlessly through the streets, making sure to avoid those covered by your boyfriend during his patrol. Hoping, praying, that something will clear your head, will help your poor jumbled mess of a mind forget about this entire nightmare of a day.

Should’ve listened to him 

The rainfall intensifies, the drops drumming against the hood of the cars that you pass by, there is so much rain that the sound blurs into one long, whirring noise, reminding you of the blades of the fan that you stuck your finger in, that one time when you were left alone in your house when you were only five years of age. Eventually, they fade into a musical chime as you push your drenched hair away from your face and feel the vibration from your phone as it rings the ninth, maybe tenth time. 

He told me so. 

Tall apartment complex building; you couldn’t see its end from where you stand. You shiver as you approach it, the doorman - bless his heart - running and placing his umbrella to futilely shield you from the rain, and you just laugh and tell him that you’re already drenched and just waiting to go back home.

God forbid he realizes how much of train wreck I am

Not wanting to dampen the people at the elevator and make them uncomfortable, you take the stairs up to your shared apartment, you usually don't mind the exercise but with how heavy you feel after the rain and day spent up on your sore feet, all you think about is locking yourself in your room and discover what kind of new façade could you try and fool Katsuki with when he reaches home.

Just how I trick him into thinking I’m not with him to leech off of him

Eventually and with a struggle, you make it to the door, dreading the sight you might come to face, almost hoping for a black hole to emerge and swallow you whole.

What would people say about me? Do people think I’m crazy?

With a forced exhale out of your lungs, you fetch the key from your bag to unlock the door, but it’s wrenched open before you have a chance to insert your key.

“Where the hell have you been?” 

Your eyes meet the beautiful rubies of Katsuki, and despite his anger that always overcompensates his worry, you smile and throw yourself on him. The shivering ceasing when he wraps his warm arms around you and that loving caramel scent engulfs you, in spite of how your hair is drenching his shirt and how you sniff against his neck.

“You need a shower, you’re shivering.”

“Take one with me?” you look up at him through your lashes, and he blinks at your uncharacterized boldness but agrees nonetheless, helping you out of your clothes and turning on the hot water before stepping in with you.

It is a struggle to help you clean up when all you do is grab at him, whether they’re your hands on his shoulders to lower him to kiss you, wrapping your arms around him and pressing your breasts against him, or palming his hardening cock as the poor man tries to shampoo your hair.

“Would ya knock it off? I’m tryna help you here shitty woman” you frown and squint your eyes when the shampoo gets close to them. “I wanna have sex.” 

“Yea I can fuckin tell, just lemme-” you bring his arms down and press his palms to your boobs, letting go of his wrist when he starts squeezing at them. “Do you not want to?” he gulps, his dick twitching at the feeling of your soft mounds in his hands, your nipples covered up by the suds from the shampoo, as your finger traces the underside of his cock. “Yeah, I uh, fuck, I do, just- you need to wash up so you don’t get sick, alright?”

“Do you not think I’m pretty anymore?” you pout childishly, tears threatening to escape your eyes, and they burn as you close them when he washes the product out of your hair, a deep frown on his lips when you open your eyes back again. “The fuck you on about? That rain really fucked with ya?”

“Are you gonna get rid of me when you realize how much of a mess I am?” you whisper, your voice muffled under the sound of the shower above you, and you keep quiet as he helps you scrub your body, but your boyfriend is observant, he isn’t fucking dense.

“What do you want, right now?” he lowers himself to your level when he’s done, his hands stroking your cheeks as he eyes the way the water droplets cling to your lashes, but still not missing the red rimming around your eyes.

“I just wanna for- I uh, I wanna have sex.” you mumble, a plea hidden underneath your words, a plea to help you forget, to help you bury this day behind you and pretend it never happened.

What you don’t expect is the way that Katsuki pulls your naked wet body out of the bathroom and drops you on the bed, feeling your bodies dampening the bed as he hovers over you, no words are spoken between you as he kisses and nips at your skin. Marking it up and down as he all but worships your body, strands of his hair tangle between your fingers when you run your hands through it, arching your back at the feeling of his tongue tasting your slick.

He doesn’t let up until you cry out, and not in pleasure, your sobs far beyond those he loves to hear when he’s denying you an orgasm. No, they’re sobs that wreck your whole body, kicking away at his shoulders as you curl in on yourself and wail into the sheets. Sitting on his haunches on the floor, Katsuki’s eye soften at your figure, the way your shoulders are shaking and how -yet again- you’re trying to muffle your cries with the sheets this time, pressing your face against the mattress in an attempt to lower your noise, as your mother would call it.

“Hey, look at me” you feel his lips grazing your ear as he kisses it, pressing his lips against your temple, fingers unwrapping your fist against the sheet and digging into your hands and pressing kisses against the nail marks in the palm of your hands. “There she is, there’s my girl.” you hear when you lift your head from the bed, sight blurry from your shed tears but still easy to distinguish Katsuki even between billions of people.

You sniff when he kisses at your lids, groan when he chuckles and calls you ‘snot the naught’ when you wipe your nose with the back of your hand, beaming when he hears you let out one weak chuckle at the way he teases you. Still pressing his lips against any surface of skin he can reach.

“You don’t have to talk about it you know, to me at least” he mumbles to you when you’re both dressed in your sleepwear and are cuddling on the dry side of the bed, opting to change the sheet the next day. “Maybe, maybe we can get someone who can help you, you know.” you press your face deeper between his neck and shoulder, shuddering when his warm palms rub your back from under your shirt. 

“I can make some calls, get in contact with someone.” you lift your head. “But I can’t afford-” he tuts and frowns at you “None of that.” 

“Remember what I said when we agreed to move in?” you do, you just love the sound of his voice when he says it, feels like he’s making all these promises all over again. “Tell me.”

“Told ya I’d be whoever you want me to be, whoever you need me to be. I’ll be yer mom, even better than that bitch, I’ll support and love you unconditionally.” you sniff and tighten your hold against him as he presses his lips against your cheek. 

“I’d be better than yer pussy dad, you can rely on me any time and I’ll live up to all your expectations. And callin me daddy is always a plus” he tangles his legs with your own when you wiggle away from him, laughing and giving you no chance of escape, not that you are even thinking of it. 

“I’d even be yer genius fuckin nanny that taught you to tell yer mom to go fuck herself when you were four,” your suppressed giggles lights him up and he can’t help but chuckle as well. “I’ll be anything and everything you’ll ever need, baby. I’ll be your goddamn hero.”

The sun comes out again, casting slanted beams of light across the buildings. Steam rises slowly from the greenery. It rises up eerily and drifts mist-like towards the molten-gold sun, right before it escapes into the abyss. The image is so vivid that it stays with you for as long as you remember. Because on this exact day, the shrieking that follows you everywhere you go, haunting you and mocking you, suddenly is nowhere to be found. And all you can hear is the comforting sound of Katsuki as he hums you a lullaby to sleep.

aaaah I hope you like it!

[uncpanda]

Bait

AN: So far I’ve written 5 of the 20 prompts I got. So, I’m on a bit of a roll, and decided to go ahead and dish this one out tonight! I hope you like it. 

Prompt 44: sitting on the other’s lap

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x GN!Reader

Warnings: This story puts the reader in the position of playing “bait” to catch an unsub in a club. This includes a moment of typical club creep placing hands on their hips, and Aaron scaring them away, and being put into a scary position with an unsub trying to kidnap them. Nothing is graphic and nothing bad happens.

“I look ridiculous!” 

Emily grins at you, “You look hot!” 

You look at yourself in the mirror, and examine yourself. This outfit is in no way business appropriate. You’re dressed for a night out, and you have no doubt in your mind that if you were to show up at the office in this outfit on Monday, Hotch would send you home to change. But for perusing a club, and playing bait, you suppose it works. It just figures that you’d be the unsub’s type. 

The club you’re heading to is a mix of younger and older singles. While you play the part of bait, Hotch and Derek will be in the club to observe. Derek had protested being classified in the older man category and Hotch had protested the club part. Dave had just said hell no. JJ, Emily, and Spencer had found some other way out of it. You had protested every part of it. But that doesn’t stop you from going. 

The moment you enter the club, your skin starts to itch. Mainly, because all eyes go to you. You head to the bar, and order a non-alcoholic drink before moving across the club. You do your best to search the crowd while looking unassuming. When people come up to flirt with you, you flirt back. 

And then you feel someone slide a hand across your hip, and breath on your ear, and it takes every restraint you have, to not slam your elbow into his throat! “Hey gorgeous! Want to dance.” 

You’re two seconds from scratching his eyes out, when you hear a voice you recognize, “They’re spoken for.” 

Your eyes go to a VERY good looking Hotch. He has on jeans, a black tee-shirt, and a leather jacket. He looks so unlike himself, but sooo damn hot. You blink a few times as he takes your hand and gently pulls you away from the creep. You go to him easily, your hands resting on his shoulders as he spins you out onto the dance floor. 

You have to beat down the heat in your cheeks and force yourself to make eye contact. Your crush on Hotch is something you’ve kept hidden for two years now, and you don’t plan on letting the cat out of the bag now. But it’s hard when you’ve had dreams of being in his arms. 

You take a deep breath, “Thanks for the save.” 

His lips quirk, “You looked a few seconds away from slamming him into a wall. That would have blown your cover.” 

“And dancing with you isn’t going to do that?”

He pulls you a bit closer to whisper in your ear, “He’s maneuvered women away before. It shouldn’t be a problem, and this should keep you a bit safer.”  

You smile and whisper back, “You know I have the same training you do, right?” 

“Your right hook is better.” 

You toss your head back and laugh. It draws a bit of attention, which was your goal, and then Hotch spins you, before pulling you back into his arms. As the song ends, he guides you back to a table he’s claimed in the back of the club, that’s still in view of everyone and sits down, and tugs you down too . . . onto his lap. Your arms wrap around his neck while one hand settles on your knee, and the other on your hip to keep you from sliding off. 

You let out a little squeak, but then you can feel the eyes on you and you know. You lean forward and whisper in his ear, “He’s here.” 

You feel his thumb swipe back and forth against your hip, and he nods, “I know. I can feel it too.” 

You spend a few more minutes like that, whispering back and forth while keeping coy smiles on your faces. Occasionally, you run a hand through his hair to really sell it. And when enough time has passed Aaron stands up, bringing you with him, and tells you he’s going to go get some drinks.

You sit and you wait, and sure enough he shows. You stare up at the man who’s killed several people who look like you and force yourself to flirt. You quickly see how he was able to get his victims away from their friends: he’s charming and handsome. He also looks like the victim's friends described. But that’s not enough to lure you out. And then you see the flash of metal: a knife. 

Suddenly the charming face is replaced with his true one. The evil seems to sink into his eyes, and his smile turns hard. He doesn’t even get his threat out before Hotch and Morgan appear with guns drawn, distracting him long enough for you to grab the wrist holding the knife, and twist. You hear a crack, and a scream, and the knife clatters to the ground. 

That’s when Morgan jumps in. You let him take the man away, as he calls you all sorts of names, and you watch him go. And adrenaline you didn’t even realize had started to flow starts to vanish. Aaron has you up and out of the club in seconds. You take deep breaths and bend over in an attempt to get your breathing under control. 

You can feel his arm around your waist, holding you steady while his hand rubs up and down you back in a soothing motion. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” 

You straighten up, and look at him, “Mentally I know this, but my body. . . .” 

“Sensed the danger. I’ve been there. I understand.” 

You smile at him, and he smiles back and then you’re both moving towards each other, and before you know it you’re kissing him. And you have to admit, it’s even better than what you imagined. Your arms snake around his neck while his arms wrap around you, pulling you flush against his body, and one of your hands grasps at his hair. When you pull back you’re both appropriately out of breath. And the two of you stare at each other, not quite sure what this means. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

July 2022 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most. 

GaGaOOLaLa is doing this thing where they are changing over their payment system, and they moved fast. They kicked everyone off until they re-up membership but I don’t do that on my work computer so I’m bumped until I get home. 

Honestly with two of my biases (Jimmy & Pavel) holding down two decent Thai BLs right now I’m not mad about life, even with this crazy heat wave. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Triage (grey) Ep 13 fin - I forgot to download it to bring along, so I will watch and then do a full review of this one once I get home. Wait for it.... 

Vice Versa (Sat on YouTube) Ep 2 - I’m liking it a lot, and the tropes have started coming thick and fast. I’m finding the lead a little bit more appealing than last week, and the moment Jimmy is on screen charisma starts leaking all over the place and I’m just happy. Talay got himself a live one, I’m living for Puen the super flirt. But I’m not sure if they mean Puen to be slightly sinister about it, or if that’s just... Jimmy. Like we all know he’s hiding something. But is it a good thing or a bad thing? There’s definitely a faded mates thing going on with the show, and it’s moving fast for a 12 episode run - I hope they can keep up this pacing. How can GMMTV hit it out of the park (this show) and fail so miserably (sky) in the space of 24 hours? For those keeping track: last week’s secret password was from 2gether, this week’s was from SOTUS. FINALLY: Shoes in the bed! Shoes in the bed! After being in a bar! First Unforgotten Night, now this. Make it stop. 

Coffee Melody (Mon Viki) Ep 1 - I like it! This is my kind of BL - very much on the fluffy end of the spectrum, I don’t demand my BL be complicated or gritty. There is an unfortunate overuse of sound effects a la Lovely Writer but I’m getting Cutie Pie vibes off the main character. I do like an out Queen-B who knows what he wants. And, of course, Pavel (cafe owner love interest) is just as wonderful as he should be. Frankly, i could watch Pavel make pretty drinks with tinkling piano music in the background for, well, most of my life, and not be mad about it. I already have those ambient Korean café YouTube videos on while I work, this is the BL version of that. I hope someone enterprising does a cut of all the times he simps while making a beverage against, oh I don’t know, Blue Danube Waltz or something. 

Love Mechanics (Sun WeTV) Ep 5 - posted it last week, ‘cause I knew I would be out of town. 

Unforgotten Night (Weds on GaGa) Ep 5 - No GaGa for me this week, resumes next. TRASH WATCH (up to ep 4) IS HERE!

Sky in Your Heart (Fri YouTube) Ep 8fin - There was a really dumb manufactured miscommunication-based parting for this final ep. They mutually pined well, I guess? But the kiss at the end was extremely poor quality for Thailand. Tut tut - you have one job to do. To put it simply, this show was boring. I don’t know exactly how to write a review of this as “boring” isn’t in my rating system but, it is a BIG SIN for me, so I guess 5/10? Watch only if you have nothing better to do. No full review because I didn’t like it. It looks like there is a special wrap-up episode next week, which considering it’s lots of KleunDao, I’ll probably enjoy more. 

Even Sun (Wed iQIYI) Ep 4 - I’ll roll it into next week’s update. 

Check Out (Sat IQIYI) Ep 7 - I’ll roll it into next week. 

My Secret Love (Sat YouTube Sat) Ep 8 - I’m just never gonna like the main couple (the obligatory sponge bath emerged). But I kind of like some of the side dishes. My favorite is the minor minor minor sides Tim + bestie, and with them I’m currently undergoing 2nd lead (side?) syndrome - yay Pete! Because, of course I am. On another note, is “second side syndrome” like having an extra helping of fries?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japan Weds GaGa) Ep 4 - actually I caught this before GaGa went bonkers: It is really hard to articulate how quintessentially old school Japanese yaoi this BL is. The way Shin overreacts to not being able to take care of Minato, it’s so teenager, but it is also so completely younger seme with an older uke yaoi archetypes. This kid is willing and able and prepared to sacrifice himself for the tiniest little bit of Minto’s comfort, and it destroys him when he cannot take care of his man. Next week, adding exes and more into the mix is going to drive Shin insane. But that’s the point. We’re at the halfway mark, by the laws of romance we should be ramping up for the major drama, also it’s about time for an actual kiss. This is Japan, though, the pacing is likely to be unpredictable especially with an age gap romance. (I feel compelled to warn you at this juncture the mostly likely outcome for this is a separation, time jump, reunion. And I could all be done in the final ep. It’s how Japan traditionally handles most of their age gap stuff. I have so much to say about this show I might start up a watch along at this juncture.   

Want to See You (Vietnam YT) Ep 9 - It’s fine, the lap setting is cute. The kissing while sitting in the lap is sexy. But I remain unmoved by the characters.

Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! (Japan Fri Viki) Ep 5 - Honestly, just too much cringe. Japan droped one it’s favorite trope: forced proximity by way of “all the trains stopped running and you have to stay at my place.” It’s a popular one.The sharing the parfait was cute, but I am getting a little exhausted by the constant navel gazing stalker thing. 

In Case You Missed it

Semantic Error won a Blue Dragon award. 

Kpop group OnlyOneOf is releasing a series of solo songs by members with a linked BL storyline. I found it very engaging, even though I am not wild about the song itself. I chatter about it and another Kpop BL crossover here. 

The BL Express published a Guide To Every Singapore LGBT Short Film And Web Series Available On YouTube 

Japanese short BL 8.2 second (under 1 hr) is available in 5 parts on YouTube. AKA 8.2 Byo no Hosoku. About a schoolboy who makes magic candy for a series of handsome classmates, questing for a soulmate. Each ep is a new love interest and while the sweets help others, they keep failing to bring him love. Of course h's overlooking someone. The lead was very good and the theme, cooking, and eventually romance were charming, but it is a series of BL vignettes not really a cohesive story, no kisses or anything. Japan doesn’t give us sweet BL this short very often, so it was nice to see them try out the style.

Gossip

New Thai BL announced I am very excited about: Wish Me Luck, boss/employee dynamic staring my boy Fiat (from SOTUS S, My Gear and Your Gown, and most recently Triage) and Na from UWMA & KP. Plot: Uni student interns as an adman under (corrupt?) CEO creating commercials and hunting down traitors within the company. It’s Thai and there is no trailer so will it happen? 50% chance. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

This week’s best moments?

Like we can take them off you, sweetheart. 

GL gest cameo in Vice Versa. 

Really Thailand? Well that got unexpectedly kinky. Gonna make him like your boots? THAT YOU ARE WEARING IN BED. 

Everyone say: Thank you Thailand. (My Secret Love’s side dish getting VERY dishy indeed.) 

(last week)

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[futuremrsreid]

Baby Steps

Request: @gubswh0re requested: "hi! could you do 20,25 & 48 from the promt list all in one? would be amazing, thank you!!"

Summary: A case gone wrong and Spencer blames himself. Reader tries to make him feel better.

Couple: Spencer Reid x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, angst, a bit of fluff if you never felt happiness before

CW: sad as fuck uhm I lowkey broke my own heart but its also really sweet

Word Count: 1,9k

If I had to describe Spencer Reid handling his emotions in two words, they would be “quiet suffering”. In the two years I have known him he only opened up a handful of times. Not in the sense of him never talking about his past or things that happened to him, but whenever he talked about these things, he tells them like one of his facts. He tells you that his mother has schizophrenia, but he doesn't tell you how he feels about it. It always reminds me of a medical anamnesis.

On rare occasions, he would break. Everything became too much, even for him. I remember the first time I witnessed it very clearly. It was after he visited his mom for a few days and, from what he told me, she was in such a bad condition that she didn’t even recognize him. He was devastated and when he was on his way back he drove straight to my apartment, not knowing how to deal with everything. Spencer didn’t call or text before he arrived there and saying I was surprised when I opened my door doesn't even come close. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks. Truth be told, I was very overwhelmed so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled him inside and hugged him as hard as humanly possible. 

In the office everyone always jokes about Dr Reid and his fear of human touch, but he hugged me back so hard that breathing became just a little difficult, and in that moment I realized the reason he doesn’t hug people isn’t because of his fear of bacteria. It’s because of the closeness of it. My heart cracked then.

The next discovery I made was that Spencer is a quiet cryer. I didn’t even notice it until his tears started seeping through my shirt and I could feel the wetness. I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I could feel him calming down a bit, I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. He was extremely embarrassed and started to pull away completely to cover his face with his hands, but I’m too stubborn for that, so I grabbed his wrists and made him look at me. He started crying again then. 

It took an hour until he started telling me what got him so upset and after that we talked the whole night, about his mother, her sickness and everything related to it. I always hoped that he would open up about it eventually, but when he finally did, I couldn’t handle it very well. I tried not to cry myself, but that is hard when the person you love most breaks down in front of you like that. 

That night I held him close, let him lie on my chest, played with his hair - everything to try and make his pain go away. And after that day I thought things would have changed, that he would stop hiding and open up more to me,  but I was very wrong. When he woke up the next morning he apologized about a hundred times and no words or reassurance made him less ashamed. Afterwards he tried to act like nothing had ever happened.

So in conclusion: I had done a lot of difficult tasks in my life, but getting Spencer Reid to talk about his feelings was by far the most difficult. Nonetheless, today was one of those rare days.

We just came back from a really shitty case that resulted in more victims than it should have due to the police department holding back evidence. It was messy and frustrating and exhausting. Spencer was there when one of the victims was shot and he blamed himself for not preventing it, even though we all told them that there was no chance that he could have done it.

And as if the case itself wasn't bad enough, we were stuck for more time back in the office to do the paperwork. When the clock turned 8 pm Hotch came out of his office to tell us to go home. We all sighed in relief and started packing up our things. All of us except a particular dr. He was still sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. I watched him for a while, contemplating what to do, and after everyone said their goodbyes, I walked over to him.

“Come on. I’ll take you home”, I said, leaning on his desk trying to catch his eyes with mine. No luck.

“I still have work to do, I’ll take the subway home later.” He continued typing like i wasn’t even there and I got frustrated. The case was already bad enough and I would not stand here watching him torture himself.

“That wasn’t a request, Spencer.” I didn’t intend to sound so harsh but hey, at least it made him look at me. “We are gonna leave. Now.” He opened his mouth to protest and closed it again, he knew better than to argue with me. My eyes said it all: If he would stay, I would stay. And since Spencer Reid cares about everyone but himself, he closed his computer and packed up his things.

The walk to my car was quiet, and so were the first 5 minutes of driving. I kept glancing at him from the driver's seat, but he was looking out of the window, lost in thought. The guy on the radio made a stupid comment and normally he would have immidiatly complained, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear it. His brain is a beautiful place with a million facts and ideas, yet I can imagine how scary it can be as well. When Spencer gets really lost in his thoughts he begins to spiral and I can just guess that that is what happened at that moment. Only then I came to the conclusion that he wanted to stay and work because that would distract him from anything going on inside. 

“Talk to me, Spence.” My tone was pleading, practically begging at this point.

“I’m fine, y/n.” I sighed. I was thinking about just letting it go, but then I thought about him alone in his apartment, stuck in this beautiful scary brain of his. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I took a deep breath. If you're lost, stick to what you know.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”, he turned to me with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Do you trust me?”, I asked again, looking him in the eyes this time.

“Of course I trust you. Why are you even asking me this?”

“We’re making a detour. I’m gonna show you something.” My words didn’t leave room for questions so we just fell silent again. He continued to watch me with a questioning look, but i tried to ignore him. I was too focused on taking the right turns anyway. It was hard to find my way in the dark, but 5 minutes later we were there. I got out of the car and waited for Spencer to do the same and after he did, he seemed more confused than ever. I walked over to the familiar building and fished for a key at the same moment. 

“What is this place?”

“It’s an art gallery. My mom used to work here.” I found what I was looking for and started to unlock the door.

“And you just have a key to this place?” If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed at his confusion, however, the circumstances weren’t different.

“Yep.” The door opened and I looked for the light switch. “Come on, just follow me.” 

I led us up the 5 flights of stairs and then, after 2 more doors we were finally there. The place that has been the only place I called home for the years before I joined the team.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We’re not breaking in right now, are we?” At this I did laugh. I stepped further onto the rooftop. 

“Relax Spence, we are not breaking any laws.” He was still hesitant so I took his hand and pulled him to the edge. The railing was high, meaning there was no danger of falling down. I let go of his hand and leaned on it. The building was on a small hill and since it had a few stories, you were able to look over a big part of the city. It was always a beautiful view, but that night was extra special. It was a Friday in the late summer, which didn’t only mean the sky was clear, there were also a lot of traffic lights and buildings that shone bright. 

I just watched and after a few minutes Spencer stood beside me and did the same. Some time passed before I broke the silence.

“How many people are living in the US?” He didn’t hesitate before answering. It was like a reflex for him by now. I liked to ask random questions all the time and to this day, he always had an answer.

“331.002.651 people.” I paused for a few seconds.

“You can’t protect all of them, Spencer.”

“Y/n I-”

“I mean it, Spence. It is humanly impossible to protect everyone. You can protect some of them, maybe even a lot, but you won’t ever be able to do that if you keep beating yourself up over incidents like today.” He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. “I know how you feel and I know it’s not easy. There was no chance for you to save that girl, Spencer. Zero. And if you can’t accept that, you will lose yourself. And then you won’t be able to save anyone anymore.” I know it was harsh, however, sometimes that's the only language he understands.

“You could have said all of that in the car.” He paused. “Why did you take me here?” I didn’t expect him to comment on what I said. He knew I was right, that’s all I needed.

“My mom sometimes took me with her on her shifts and after she was done we would go up here. After she died the owner gave me a key so that I could come here every time I needed it. Or needed her.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore. This place was the only thing making me feel at home for years and I came almost every day, but when I started working at the BAU I stopped going here more and more. And now I don’t really need it anymore, because my apartment finally started feeling like home. Especially when you are there.” I looked at him while saying that last sentence and I saw him smile for the first time in days. His eyes caught mine.

“Thank you, y/n.” Those words could have many different meanings. Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for staying. Thank you for making me feel better. But it didn’t matter what he meant, because I knew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“I think I’d like to stay for a bit longer.”

And that's what we did. We stayed there for hours. That night we talked through every possible way of how Spencer could have acted differently, yet every scenario ended with the death of that girl. After that he finally accepted that it wasn’t his fault. Baby steps.