#it might not make sense now but in later posts it will

[astrowarr]

obsessed with your dl analysis. scar hurts himself [to hurt grian] while grian opens up because it sets the precedent, i think. it's his first decision after he discovers (or can't pretend not to know anymore but. y'know. unreliable narrator will unreliably narrate.) that FOR SURE grian is his soulmate and by going and punching the jellie it establishes their dynamic as scar keeping grian hostage in a way? or testing him? considering that he actively weaponizes it later in a soulmate torture for no apparent reason at all, it reads to me as almost punishing. again, all scar has been saying since the start of this season is that he doesn’t need a soulmate, that he doesn’t want to know who he’s bonded to, etc. and grian forces him to acknowledge the bond, keeps on insisting that they base together, that they work together, that they are together because they are soulmates. all the things that scar is averse to. explicitly. now, i don't know what would happen if grian left scar alone before that point or gave up on him after that punch, because we know that grian is incapable of giving up on scar and that universe does not exist, BUT. i think that scar genuinely wanted to be left alone there, "there" meaning the whole season. and after he didn't have that choice - because grian asked him to base together and scar is incapable of denying grian - he wants a little payback? maybe? another thought is that after all of that in scar's eyes grian goes and 'forges his own destiny' with his 'secret soulmate'. his blame can so easily intertwine itself with grian's guilt and they both need to die.

oh im obsessed with this thank you so much for some beautiful scar goodtimes insight... i was definitely also considering the payback theory you mentioned, especially when you think about the fact that prior, grian had Dropped dripstone on his head. and actually, now that I think about it, i feel so much of his behavior might be desperate attempts to attain some sense of control over his circumstances?

i totally agree that the torture was always a form of punishment. i think a big miscommunication between scarian at all points in time is that grian, as a character, holds a lot of agency. he highly prioritizes Choices, and hates relinquishing control. he can't fathom staying anywhere or doing anything he doesn't want to, so what he doesn't understand is that scar isn't like that. when it comes to grian, scar does not care.

he will do literally anything so long as grian stays by his side. like you said, he is physically incapable of denying grian. but on grian's part he cannot even consider that scar is sacrificing anything for him here, because he wouldn't do that. he doesn't think he's ruining any of scar's soulmateless plans because he just fundamentally doesn't understand the power he holds over scar. part of that misunderstanding is definitely by scar's design, who is allergic to letting anyone Know him, especially post last life

it definitely makes sense why scar would be frustrated. a lot of his problems in last life were forged by his choicelessness: his only friend turned red and was forced to cut ties with him, the boogeyman curse continued to alienate him further, it goes on. so here he is in double life, ready to start anew, but then here comes grian his soulmate, asking for his hand. grian, who just by virtue of existing enacts upon scar a specific brand of choicelessness. and now scar is coming to terms with the fact that his feelings for this force of nature of a man have bound him to powerlessness ONCE AGAIN!! FOR THE REST OF HIS LIVES!! and it places him in this gross push-pull where he doesn't want grian but he Also can't help but want him desperately .. and that's how we get his behavior throughout DL. dear God i just love him

[cliosunshine]

𝐎𝐟 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Jason Todd x dragon trainer!reader

Summary: after a portal mysteriously opened in your world, setting all of your dragons loose, you must find a way to take them all back home before it's too late and before you catch feelings for a certain cute guy in a red helmet

Warnings: none; jason struggles to come to terms with the fact that you and your dragons might actually be harmless

Word count: 4.0k

A/N: third part, yay! I finally got around to finish it. Now that i have more free time, I hope to write and post chapter four by the end of the year lol

You watched in horror at the gun pointed right in front of Pyro, your beloved albeit extremely chaotic and destructive fire dragon.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” You yelped as you raised both of your hands and fully turned towards Jason, the two of you still on Obsidian’s back and in between two building complexes, “Hood, drop the gun. Now.”

Although you didn’t know him at all, you really didn’t want the vigilante sitting behind you to accidentally get the both of you roasted like rotisserie chickens by Pyro’s fire breath.

He scoffed, clearly agitated, his gun still up in the air. You had never been that close to a weapon in your entire life and oh god was it terrifying. You then remembered he actually had two of them strapped on his thighs and gulped nervously.

“What do you mean he melted your bike?” you asked, trying to dissuade the situation. You noticed how Pyro was eyeing Red Hood with a knowing look and that gave you more reason to believe that they had actually met before.

“That asshole came up to me, tried to fire his stupid flames in my direction and then he had to set my building’s garages on fire, melting my bike in the process,” his exasperated tone made you look away, heat spreading across your face in embarrassment at your dragon’s actions. It was like having another adult telling you about something bad your child had done.

You eventually sighed in defeat, “Can you at least lower your gun? We can talk about his whole ordeal later, but right now you’re scaring him,”

You couldn’t see it, but by the way he began laughing humourlessly you knew he had a baffled look on his face.

“I’m scaring him?”

“Yes, very much so”

A beat passed, but he eventually strapped his gun away, definitely giving the dragon a dirty look.

In the meantime, you began taking your lasso out, ready to stand up. As you did so, Pyro understood what that action meant and bolted away, flapping his burgundy scaled wings faster than you had thought imaginable.

Fuck.

“Obi, go!” That was everything you needed to say to make him begin chasing his buddy. He, too, was frustrated by his out-of-pocket behaviour. As you skimmed through the skyscrapers of the city, you felt Hood’s arms snake up your waist again, squeezing you gently. You could feel his gloved fingers twitching against the fabric of your sweater as you leaned forward and planted your hands in between your dragon’s horns, making him fly faster.

It was a tiring game of cat and mouse, but with all the times you had to retrieve Pyro back at home, you were pretty confident in yours and Obsidian’s abilities.

As predicted, the fire dragon’s erratic and impulsive nature led him to an enclosed area, where it seemed the nearest exit for him was by your right. As if sensing it too, Obsidian repositioned himself, so that his wing span could block the exit in its entirety.

Jason watched you as you took the glowing lasso in your hand.

His eyes followed your every move and they widened when you suddenly got up on your feet, your stance incredibly stable for someone who had to balance on a breathing and flying creature that was all scales and ridges, with no flat surface to stabilize themselves on.

“I’m sorry for doing it with you here, too,” you apologised with a focused look toward your target. Jason could only nod as he admired you, his own raging thoughts that were previously aimed at the dragon completely dissipated at the sight of you looking like an off-duty Amazon. The fierce look on your face was something you reserved only to the dragons that were acting out and he hoped to never be on the receiving end of it. It was completely juxtaposed to the very sweet and playful disposition you had shown thus far and he didn’t want the light-hearted banter between the two of you to cease just yet. He still didn’t know whether to trust you or not: this whole situation seemed too ridiculous to be true, yet here you were, swinging your lasso with incredible agility as you remained calm and focused.

If Jason had blinked, he would’ve missed it.

You threw the hoop over the dragon’s head and it swiftly slipped on his neck. Only then did Jason notice how small his head was when compared to the other dragons he had seen. The lack of spikes and red eyes made this one look so uncanny and terrifying that he would’ve been scared if he wasn’t still pissed off about his bike.

“Gotcha,” you put the rope in Obsidian’s mouth and sat back down, careful where to put your feet since you had a guest now.

“I’m sorry about Pyro,” you began to apologize to Jason, who could only look at you, “he’s very impulsive and may or may not have incredible anger issues, which isn’t rare for dragons to have but his are atrocious,”

Jason hummed, his mind elsewhere. That lasso looked too much like Diana’s for his own liking, but he decided not to question it whilst mid-air on your extremely protective dragon’s back.

The ride back was peaceful and you managed to coax some of your more mild-tempered overgrown puppies to follow you. They truly did resemble dogs, those ones, with their tails wagging side to side and curiously eyeing Jason.

So, from what he figured by analysing the situation and these creatures, he just had to have the worst luck in the entire universe to meet and irate the deranged and feral one.

He huffed a laugh that seemed to turn your gaze onto him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’,” he shrugged, “just thinking about how, out of all the Tolkien-esque creatures you have, I had to piss off the clearly mentally unstable one”

You shushed him, a mix of shock and amusement in your face.

“Don’t talk about Pyro like that! He’s a troubled boy…he’s been through a lot and is still recovering,” you said as you looked towards him: he was now engaging in a one-sided game of tug war with Obi, who was clearly not having none of it by the way he puffed smoke in the younger dragon’s face as a warning.

You could only huff, some strands of hair on your face lifting up in the process.

It didn’t even feel like Jason was flying above Gotham’s skyline. With the easy conversation and the effortless way you were talking with him, he eased up as if the two of you were just taking a stroll in a park, like you had just done moments ago.

Before he knew it, you had reached the manor and hopped off Obsidian’s back.

There, all of the people residing in it were in the garden, watching the two of you approach them. Alfred’s eyes widened ever so subtly and Jason barked out a laugh as he took his helmet off and walking up to him.

“Hey, Alfred, I’m sorry but those guys there have destroyed half of your topiary,” he said as he rested a hand on the older man’s shoulder.

“I see,” said the butler with a slightly unamused look on his face, “I hope you successfully retrieved every ingredient for Goliath’s compress. Master Damian hasn’t stopped blaming himself for his skin rash since your departure,”

“I’ve got everything I need, Alfred!”

The two men turned around at the sound of your voice. You had just finished talking to Bruce, informing him that only two dragons were left to catch and that they would eventually follow the scent of the pack and come back without a fuss.

“Very well then, miss,” and with that you approached Damian, who was petting and consoling a rather shy and trembling Goliath, clearly agitated by whatever he was looking at behind your back.

You followed his gaze and laughed as you saw 14 dragons staring back with great curiosity and caution at the big ball of red fur. Now that he thought about it, Goliath sure was a strange dragon: he was significantly smaller than any of yours and was covered in bright red fur, whereas all you dragons sported muted colours and had scaled bodies, more often than not adorned with spikes.

You cooed at him, getting closer at the creature. Managing to crush every ingredient into a green mush, you began to delicately massage it over his worse spots.

Clearly spooked by the cold mixture, Goliath growled at you, snapping his wide mouth mere centimetres from your face and making you jump in surprise.

Before you could apologise and try to calm the dragon down, Obsidian lunged at him with a roar as he pinned the supposed threat to the ground, not letting him go. He puffed smoke in his face, never quite spewing flames out of his mouth. Jason was on alert right away as was everybody else. Even the other dragons grew tense as the watched the scene unravel: some seemed to growl at Goliath with the same protective instinct Obsidian had, whilst others grew shy and retreated behind some of the bigger ones.

“Get your dragon in check, Y/N,” Jason warned, his eyes never leaving the scene in front of him.

He understood why Obsidian lunged at Goliath like that, but he’d be damned before he saw Damian’s most beloved pet get torn to pieces right in front of him.

“What do you think I’m doing?” you quipped back, clearly as agitated as everyone else. Jason almost felt bad for snapping at you, but he truly didn’t know what your intentions were yet and he surely wasn’t going to take any chances.

Everybody watched you carefully as you approached the dragon, whispering something in his ear before Obsidian let go of Goliath’s neck and lowered his head at you. From where they were standing, it seemed like he was almost apologetic.

The more distance grew between Obsidian and Goliath as he retreated back to the rest of the pack, the more everybody, including Jason, seemed to visibly relax.

Here he found another reason not to trust that creature.

You returned your ministrations on Goliath who was still eyeing you warily but let you treat him nonetheless.

Clearing his throat, Damian thanked you before beginning to make his way back to the cave.

“Wait-“ you put and arm out, trying to stop them from walking away so suddenly, “I know that wasn’t the best first impression from Obi. I apologise, but he was just doing what he thought was right at the moment.”

Damian only nodded and Jason raised his brows in surprise at a lack of snarky response from the boy.

“I don’t know where you found him, but Goliath certainly isn’t like any types of dragons I had ever seen before…if you want to, he can come closer to my pack so that they can introduce themselves.”

Damian scanned your face for any signs of malice behind your proposition but after not being able to find any, he accepted. He tried to conceal his excitement at getting his beloved pet to make friends and know more about his kind, but the whole family was quick to catch onto that.

Bruce put a reassuring hand on Damian’s back and encouraged him to walk over them.

One by one, you introduced the dragons to everyone. The light coming from a garden lamp nearby made the creatures less menacing as they looked around curiously, taking in their new surroundings. Helios, the wind dragon and a bunch of other ones where actually pretty chill and very friendly, so much so that they let everybody pet them. Dick appreciated that greatly as he nearly flung himself at a smaller dragon, hugging it. You explained that was a wyvern and her name was Quartz.

“What’s up with their names?”

You looked at Stephanie as you pet Obsidian’s ears, “Oh, we just decided to stick with names that represented either their appearance or abilities,” you explained, “Obi’s completely black, Helios can manipulate and generate wind, Pyro can spew flames out of his mouth-”

Jason grumbled at that, crossing his arms on his chest.

He was the only one who hadn’t gotten closer to the flock. Even Bruce leaned curiously near one of your more relaxed and friendly creatures, not coming too close and definitely analysing its strengths and weaknesses.

Jason scanned his eyes on the scene, before his gaze locked onto yours.

You had a small smile on your lips, your expression unreadable. Were you sizing him up? Were you silently mocking him?

He didn’t like how worked up he got about what you could think of him. He never cared about what other people thought, so why on earth was he now inching closer and closer towards you and Obsidian?

The black dragon only side-eyed him before returning his attention back to Goliath, who was sniffing and ogling his scaled cheeks in interest. Besides him, Damian was talking you ear off about the ice cave he found him in while on a mission.

You nodded with a smile on your face.

“They seem to love them”

You chuckled, “They love the attention and chin scratches, that’s what they love,”

In the distance, you could hear some sirens wailing through the city’s streets.

“Isn’t this whole dragon problem going to mess up your work?”

Jason shrugged, “Not really. All the bad guys that we could get are already in GCPD’s station. If not, they helped scare everyone off, making them barricade in their homes”

Obsidian huffed and you laughed.

“He really doesn’t like me, does he?”

You shook your head in agreement with a laugh.

“He’s just wary of all men. He doesn’t have anything against you, really,” you explained reassuring him, but the way the black dragon was almost mocking him with his challenging eyes told him otherwise.

Jason kept his mouth shut for your sake.

The temperature had dropped significantly and the chilly night seemed to have seeped into everybody’s bones. When you spoke, a cloud of breath vapor came out of your parted lips.

As if one cue, Alfred ushered everybody inside, ignoring their complaints and their claims to be perfectly fine through clattering teeth.

“What about them?”

Bruce glanced back at you and Jason. The dragons were huddled up by your side and were showing signs of sleepiness by drooping their heads.

“We can’t let them out here, B,” interfered Jason, looking at his father, “who knows what sort of crazy stories will circle out tomorrow if they see the very creatures that reigned terror in Gotham the night prior, all cozied up in Wayne manor?”

Bruce gave him a pointed look before composing himself, “they will stay at the batcave with Goliath. I’ve already initiated the dragon protocol when you were gone.”

After tucking your dragons to bed (and after reassuring Obsidian that just one night of not sleeping by your side won’t actively kill him), Alfred showed you the suite guest room before leaving you to yourself. The others had already bid their goodnights and you also met two more members of the vigilante ‘family’, if you could call it that. Oracle and Signal were friendly and showed interest in your occupation, making you promise to introduce them to the flock tomorrow morning.

But now, tossing and turning in your bed after a nice hot shower, sleep didn’t seem like an option for you.

You huffed, clearly frustrated by the weird feeling of emptiness and anxiety that sat heavy in your chest, before completely giving up on getting a nice night of sleep and getting up.

Only clad by a pair of long pyjamas kindly given to you by Alfred, you silently made your way out of your room and into the hallway. The goal was to reach the kitchen to get a glass of water, but as you passed the living room, something outside the large patio windows caught your attention.

It was the broad figure of someone sitting on one of the benches outside. You could barely make out their features due to the lack of lighting, but the familiar green glow you had spotted earlier on was a dead giveaway.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask Hood once you made your way outside and stopped by his right.

He only hummed in response, not glancing up from the ground. He was wearing dark grey sweatpants and a black hoodie with the hood up. His hands were inside the hoodie’s pockets and he sat slightly crouched, like he wanted to make himself smaller.

You tilted your head in curiosity at that.

“Can I sit here? I can’t catch a single ounce of sleep, too,”

He hummed once more, not bothering again to give you a proper answer. You sat down next to him, keeping your distance as you leaned back and gazed up at the sky. You noticed how warm and slightly stuffy it actually was in your room now that you were out here and a light breeze ran past you, raising goosebumps on your cheeks.

You stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Hood decided to speak up.

“Can I ask you something?”

You turned to him, unable to read his expression and nodded.

“Where did you get that lasso?”

It took you a moment to unfog your mind before you realized what he was referring to. Diana’s lasso.

You shrugged, “It was a gift from a very dear friend of mine,” you answered casually, looking at the man next to you, “Why do you ask?”

He didn’t reply immediately, instead he settled for looking at you as if trying to determine whether you were telling the truth or not, his gaze boring right to your side. He decided on the former and sighed, “I’ve seen that lasso before. Everybody here knows that it belongs to one person and one person only-”

“-Diana Prince?”

You saw the way his eyes widened like saucers and chuckled to yourself, “What? You know her, too?”

He took off his hood, an incredulous look on his face, “Everybody knows her! She’s Wonder Woman, for god’s sake, who doesn’t?”

You shrugged again, feigning ignorance on the matter, “All I know is that one day I happened to help a young Amazon out with her jet and taught her how to ride on Obsidian and before she left, she gifted me her lasso,” you explained with a small smile on your face, “she said it would be the only thing that could possibly be able to keep an animal as cunning as a dragon at bay, and wouldn’t you like to know, it’s true!”

The look on Hood’s face was causing you to let another laugh out but you contained yourself. There were clearly gears turning in his head and you patiently waited for the next question you knew was to follow.

The man ran a hand across his face, now fully alert and frustrated with this new piece of information he was provided with.

“But- How did she- …You know?”

“Beats me,” you say sincerely, shaking your head in your own disbelief, “she said she was on a mission with her team someplace near their headquarter that apparently is in space? I was so confused but decided not to prod her on that. She was distressed but told me a portal opened, just like the one I came here in,” you rubbed your neck as you tried to remember what Diana had told you many years ago.

Your eyes lit up as a memory resurfaced. Hood straightened up immediately.

“She said some doctor or professor was trying to prove the string theory was real and went mad? I don’t remember the name, but she said it was someone her team had been dealing with on a regular basis…what was his name,” you looked up to the sky with a pout, as if hoping the stars would give you the piece of information you were missing.

“Was it Mr. Freeze?” Hood began asking, nearly at the edge of the bench with how much he got worked up in such a small window of time, “Or maybe doctor Death? – he was probably in Arkham when the first incident happened though – What about Professor Milo-”

You jumped as you clasped your hands in recognition, “Yes, that one! Milo!”

Hood looked relieved but then his face fell again, “Milo’s been dead for the past three years,” he huffed out, crossing his arms on his chest and leaning back.

“Oh…maybe someone who would continue his legacy or that had the same manic tendencies? Maybe someone who could dwell in sorcery of some kind?”

He seemed to contemplate your words with a slight nod, “I’ll look into it tomorrow after I tell B and the rest”

You muttered an ok and silence fell again between you once more.

“So, you’re not planning on attacking us with your flock of dragons?”

You laughed right at his face as you leaned back, holding your stomach, “You sure are a funny guy, Hood,” you said with a smile, “if those really were my intentions, the city would have been reduced to ashes hours ago.”

He nodded once, “Good, ok…”

“Come on, you can ask me whatever question has been bugging you from the moment I first stepped foot in this place,” you encouraged him, tilting your head to the side.

He seemed to hesitate before he turned to you with a sheepish smile, “It’s just that- you know…dragons? Really? They seem like they shouldn’t even exist with the way they look! – no offence to them or you for that matter, but-”

“What about Goliath?”

“Goliath’s different. He’s way smaller, for starters, but he was also found by Damian during one of his missions, when he came across a tomb of some ancient kings…he’s family, and he really acts like an overgrown puppy,”

You hummed in agreement, “And you think my babies are too feral and only capable of destroying everything they touch?”

“…Yes?”

“If you just hate Obsidian and Pyro you can say so, you know. I won’t get offended; I know they’re a handful.”

The man puffed out his cheeks as he looked away, “I’m still mad about my bike, that’s all…and your dragon is a jerk-”

You gasped at that.

“No, he’s not! Is he very territorial and does he hate all men that come too close to him? Yes, but look at you! You managed to get on his back,” you exaggerated stupor with your hands, “No man’s ever managed to do that before, just so you know,” you smiled playfully as you nudged him with your shoulder, “if anything, I think you can’t stand each other because you two have the same temperament.”

“I am nothing like that moron of a dragon-”

“Stop calling Obsidian names!”

“I’m not calling him anything. I simply deal in facts.”

You snorted at that. The chilly breeze that covered your body in goosebumps was seemingly forgotten as you shook your head in disbelief at his word.

Laugher was shared and the tension on Hood’s shoulders seemed to subdue the more you spent talking out there in the cold.

Another chill ran through you that you couldn’t ignore and you quickly got up, “I’m freezing my ass off here. I’m sorry, Hood, but I must go back before I die of hypothermia-”

“Jason.”

You stilled as if you got struck by lightning. With your mouth still open, you managed to mutter out a Sorry what? To the amused man sitting in front of you.

“My name. It’s Jason. You can drop ‘Hood’…we were keeping our names private in case you had heard of us from somewhere,”

“Oh, yeah. Right, Jason- Uhm, I’m Y/N”

“I know that, you told me back at the botanic garden,”

“Ah, yes,”

You didn’t know why, but knowing Jason’s name sent you into short circuit for a minute. You didn’t expect him to do such a thing, yet again you mulled over how many things didn’t go as expected in just a single night, so you silently accepted it.

“You want to join me on the couch? We can drink some tea and watch something on the tv to pass time?”

His only response was a nod with a smile and you both stepped back inside the manor, now knowing something more about each other.

[fieldofheathers-stuff]

The Silco Saga. A Retrospective After Season 2

Part 1.5: A brief intermission on The Flashback Issue™, (un)reliable narrators and Silco committing infanticide

Why the timeline isn’t fucked, actually

A common issue I see people have with Season 2 is that some of Vander’s backstory messes with the timeline established in Season 1. While it is true that Vander in the S1 flashback on the bridge appears to be significantly older than the Vander in Silco’s drowning flashback - implying that the two events took place years apart and not, as Vander’s letter says, one right after the other - I would like to offer an alternative reading on the S1 Day of Ashes scene, which in my opinion can be explained in a way that doesn’t necessarily mess with canon too much.*

Arcane S1 has a very interesting way of using flashback scenes, and POV shots in general: they are always firmly rooted in someone’s POV, but despite being subjective, we the audience are led to believe they are fairly reliable narrators. There’s only one person who’s shown as being consistently unreliable in their POV: Jinx (a choice which narratively makes sense, as she suffers from psychosis). Jinx is also, coincidentally, the person who’s POV we see in the Day of Ashes flashback. Now, this might veer into headcanon territory (which I’m OK with), but nonetheless, hear me out: is it really that far fetched to think that Jinx, being very young and in obvious distress, would misremember this event, and superimpose the face of the father she knows as an older child on that of his younger self? While I don’t mind people coming up with their own HCs on this event, I think that there’s a much simpler way to interpret this “incongruence”, which fits both the general canon narrative as well as a specific trait of Jinx’s POV.

*There’s obviously one reading of this incongruence between the designs of Day-of-Ashes-Vander and Drowning-Vander where this continuity mistake can be attributed to external reasons, such as the writers not having a clear idea of the backstory in S1 and later retconning in S2, which I don’t have a huge problem with either. It happens all the time. However, I find a possible in-story reason for this incongruence much more elegant and appealing.

Silco says ‘Fuck them kids’ (except Jinx)

Another complaint I have heard, which I personally find pretty funny all things considered, is that having Vander and Silco know Vi and Jinx’s mother (and, consequently, Vi and Jinx) before the betrayal “cheapens” their story in S1, and makes Silco’s intent to kill them in Arc 1 seem more unrealistic due to his previous connection with her mom. I find this logic quite baffling.

As I have already pointed out in my previous post on Silco’s relationship with Jinx, the main point of his self-asserted narrative is that he was essentially reborn as a new man after his own attempted murder by Vander, unburdened by the sentiment and affection his older self held for others. This belief Silco holds about himself is perfectly in line with his treatment of Vi and Jinx in the first arc of S1: he doesn’t care about them, and he’s perfectly willing to get rid of them if it serves his end, just as much as he’s perfectly OK with killing Vander, because those are connections that only his older self cared about, not the new, “updated and improved” Silco.

The only reason Jinx is saved from an unfortunate fate is that Silco, in a moment of weakness following an extremely stressful series of events, instinctively identifies with her; thus, he creates an unsolvable conflict between his need to uphold his own rebirth narrative (which is really nothing more than a dysfunctional coping mechanism) and this newly found but extremely powerful self-identification with this child. His adoption of Jinx is his own way of trying to have his cake and eat it too: he can still hold on to his ideology, while also offering some sort of comfort to this suffering child, which is actually himself, thus also reinforcing the idea that he is right.

There’s obviously no such ethical conundrum when it comes to his relationship with Vi in Arc 1. Silco quite clearly sees her only as a projection of Vander, an incarnation of his ideals, a continuation of his legacy best exemplified in her physical prowess as a fighter. And since his goal during Act 1 is to either convince Vander to work with him again, or get rid of him altogether, I don’t see how he shouldn’t apply the same logic to Vi. It doesn’t matter she’s an innocent bystander in his conflict with Vander, or the daughter of a former close friend. Silco, after his “rebirth”, is a man who is willing to see the world only within the black-and-white paradigm of his own narrative. Therefore, killing her is no big deal for him.

This indifference towards Vi then turns to visceral hatred in the following two arcs, as she becomes a double threat: a symbol of Vander and a wedge between him and Jinx, the only relationship he can't stand to lose. So yeah. Fuck them kids.

Flashbacks pt. 2: Kids don’t know shit

I think the general logic of “very young kids in Arcane don’t have reliable memories” can be used to explain why Jinx and Vi don’t seem to remember Silco pre-betrayal. First of all, while I keep harping on the fact that Silco’s narrative of dual identities is total bullshit, it doesn’t mean that pre-betrayal and post-betrayal Silco aren’t two very different people to an outsider’s perspective. The pre-betrayal Silco we see in Vander’s memories is humorous, gentle, soft, thoughtful. We do see some hints of an underlying grittier nature (his very serious tone before he subverts our expectations with the “Bozo 1” joke is a perfect example of him already knowing he can be very intimidating if he wants to), but he appears, to all intents and purposes, as a completely different man than his post-betrayal persona. There’s also the factor of physical disfigurement and change of look between pre- and post-drowning Silco which would seriously impact any ability of the girls to recognize him.

Another important factor to keep in mind is also that It’s made pretty clear in both S1 and S2 that the kids don’t know about Vander’s betrayal of Silco, and therefore probably have no idea why Uncle Sil didn’t show up at the Last Drop after the Day of Ashes. Even if Vi and Jinx were close to him pre-drowning (which we aren’t even sure of, since he doesn’t appear in any flashbacks with them as young children), they probably think he’s dead. It’s pretty obvious throughout S1 that both Vander and Silco have kept the whole drowning affair a secret, the first out of guilt and shame for his actions (which he spends the rest of his life trying, unsuccessfully, to repent from), the second because it would make him appear weak against his rival. Vander, when admonishing Vi about her willningess to use violence when fighting Piltover’s oppression, only vaguely hints at the reason why he thinks this approach is dangerous, mentioning how much Powder means to her and asking her what she would do if she lost her (a clear mirror to his own failure towards Silco, but Vi doesn’t know that). On a lighter note, when Ekko hilariously asks Best Timeline Silco, in S2ep7, “Didn’t you try to kill him?”, he’s clearly referring to Silco killing Vander, while both Silco and Vander interpret it as Vander killing Silco, making it for a very awkward interaction between the two.

(On a side note, I love Silco’s sappy “power to forgive” answer. Oh Best Timeline Silco, you softie. This is what having the Nation of Zaun and being gay married to your best friend does to a MF. )

It also kinda makes sense that Jinx, who eventually has a clearer picture of what happened between Silco and Vander, still doesn’t remember him as a part of her childhood. We are told several times that she has very few childhood memories of her family before the Day of Ash. It also makes sense that Silco wouldn’t mention Felicia or Connol to her. The Silco that knew them, after all, drowned in the Pilt the same day they died.

I think this also hints at the fact that Silco probably wasn’t very involved with the girls as kids, which, again, goes very well with his characterization as someone who cares more about The Revolution™ than about the individual people of Zaun. The flashback with Felicia gives us a hint that this was one of Silco’s characteristics even before the drowning: while Vander toasts about “raising an ankle-biter or two”, Silco only raises his glass “to the Nation of Zaun”. I don’t think these are just meant to be throwaway lines: they perfectly encapsulate their future priorities, with Vander dedicating himself to his mission of nurturing Zaun’s people to the point of giving up the fight, and Silco becoming such a radical that he completely looses sight of the people he’s fighting for. (They are both cringe boyfailures and I love them for that.)

[dorminchu]

a warm place

fandom: mouthwashing genre: hurt/comfort characters: anya, curly rating: T summary: If not for the risk of opening another hole in the Tulpar she wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet through his head. Jettisoning Jimmy from the airlock would mean they're down a copilot. No one else can take Curly's place.

a/n: Sort of a sequel to my first ficlet orinoco flow. I never posted it on tumblr so here ya go!

Another endless shift in the medbay. Anya works and sleeps in the same place, only leaving to feed or relieve herself. There is no approximation of day or night aboard the ship.

Curly rarely sleeps. He squirms and whimpers, bandages rasping against the sheets, haunting the walls of the Tulpar while he clings to consciousness. Helpless, if not for his crew.

She's never thrown up on the job. Not sewing up Daisuke's open wounds or when she had to amputate Curly's hands and feet and cauterize the stump via the flickering light of the medbay.

For the past few weeks it's been difficult. She can scarcely stand to be in the room when it's feeding time.

Jimmy has taken on this duty in her stead. He's stopped complaining, at least to her face. The circles under his eyes grow more pronounced and that arrogant scowl has an ugly twist. He's a ticking time bomb. Whatever impulse possessed him to act before in the cockpit hasn't abandoned him. If it wasn't for Curly, she wouldn't be alive right now.

She could tell herself she's been going along with this charade out of fear for what Jimmy might do. That some misplaced sense of guilt compels her hand. It's not untrue. He has kept his distance thus far, but he'll grow tired of being patient sooner or later.

If not for the risk of opening another hole in the Tulpar she wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet through his head. Jettisoning Jimmy from the airlock would mean they're down a copilot. No one else can take Curly's place.

Besides, it's not just the three of them. Anya has the others to think about. Daisuke is too sweet to grasp the bigger picture. He doesn't deserve that burden. Swansea has only held his tongue for his sake, perhaps hers, if she is self-indulgent enough to allow herself this notion. Once she goes, Swansea will not hesitate to do what he deems right. It'll be easier to stomach if Curly does not witness the mutiny's barbaric resolution. The seeds of it have blossomed under his inaction. He's a sensible man. He must have guessed this was inevitable, the four of them picking at one another for wont of anything better to do—and Jimmy, the aggrieved ringleader, slave to his own impulses.

Before they ran out of rations, she and Curly were making steady progress. Curly's been well enough to write. Despite his condition his cognition is mostly intact. Even under the haze of painkillers he could use a pen with her guidance and his stump of an arm. Monosyllabic answers, jagged penmanship, but it's more than she expected. His reliance on stoicism is becoming his own detriment. Does he reflect on the universe's cruel sense of irony as often as she does? Did he ever stop to try before the accident? What kind of nurse would demand an answer, even if it's untrue?

Whatever conflict rages inside of him, she won't live to make sense of it. From their prior psychiatric evaluations he does not strike her as a man prone to holding grudges. It's a matter of pride. The type to keep quiet about his true feelings and simply go down with the ship as a last resort. If she were Jimmy, perhaps, he'd let the mask slip.

The more optimistic side of her assumes Curly would have put them all in cryostasis, given the opportunity. But that would mean acknowledging Jimmy as a loose cannon. Capable of harm. To go against the wishes of their employers in the face of a crumbling company would certainly put a damper on his chances at a promotion. That's Jimmy's influence talking. The sleep deprivation. The hunger and the months of isolation bleeding together until the line between paranoia and pragmatism is indistinguishable.

Curly was caught off guard. An honorable man disarmed by an act of senseless incongruity. His better nature has damned them all. Her silence and Jimmy's desperation have damned them all. Jimmy's been itching to finish what was cemented before he entered that cockpit. Jimmy is too simple and narcissistic to analyze himself beyond his own self-satisfaction. Eager to latch onto a man like Curly, honorable and falliable, the perfect patsy. Jimmy is an ideal co-pilot, not for his charm and qualifications on-paper, but because no captain in his right mind would grant him their seat.

Of course, Pony Express makes no distinction between remorse and culpability. The painkillers are going to run out before the rations. Or she'll make a mistake, and then Jimmy will have his final say. If she survives that long.

The portable safe under the spare bed is her trusty companion. Anya doesn't manage to sleep without it. Out of habit, she opens the lid. The revolver glints in the warmth of a synthetic sunset, safe in its mould. Her stomach clenches on itself, restless.

The sound of his breathing, shallow and wheezy, offers little comfort. As long as he clings to life, they're safe. Judging by the amount of painkillers left, she can buy him a few more weeks. It'll have to be enough.

[vir-tanadahl]

fijakslzdx

This post was supposed to be about Mythal as the Big Bad in the next game and her long-overdue reckoning. But because I wasn't clear in the initial post, we’ve ended up debating whether it was Morrigan or the Inquisitor who drank from the Well of Sorrows.

Look—I’m not here to argue about your playthrough. It’s your game, your choices. Personally, it’s always my Inquisitor who drinks from the Well, especially when I’m playing a Lavellan.

But if we’re going to focus on why it might have been Morrigan—fine. I’ll play along. Here are the reasons why I think Morrigan drinking from the Well makes the most sense in terms of canon.

If you agree, awesome. If you don’t, that’s cool too. At the end of the day, I’m just one person on the internet who loves DA. You don’t have to agree with me. Take what sticks, leave what doesn't.

Why it Makes Sense that Morrigan Drank from the Well:

Morrigan was raised and taught by Flemeth to preserve and study ancient elven and arcane knowledge. Realistically, she’s the most prepared to handle the Well of Sorrows—both its consequences and the overwhelming knowledge it grants. Morrigan herself points this out before anyone drinks from the Well, and she reinforces it later if the Inquisitor is the one who drank, noting their struggle to process the voices they now hear.

While Morrigan initially pursued knowledge for her own purposes, her motivations evolved over time—especially if she had Kieran.

Morrigan also reminds us that power isn’t just about raw strength—it comes in many forms, including the power of knowledge. I also don't think Mythal is all knowing. And I also think she wants her vessels to research and learn this information to.

Beyond her expertise, Morrigan is also Flemeth’s daughter and, canonically, Mythal’s successor. As Kieran puts it, she’s the “Inheritor.” When Flemeth died, Morrigan inherited a fragment of Mythal’s essence, solidifying her role as not just a student of ancient knowledge but an agent—or perhaps even a vessel—of Mythal’s will.

Having Morrigan drink from the Well of Sorrows helps consolidate Mythal's power and knowledge within her chosen successor. This ensures that Mythal's influence—and access to the Well's secrets—remains firmly in her control.

Morrigan has spent her entire life immersed in ancient magic and lore. She wouldn’t waste the Well’s knowledge or power but would wield it effectively to advance her own goals—or Mythal’s. And if it was Morrigan who drank from the Well, she’d act on Mythal’s will whether she realized it or not.

We already know that Mythal, through Flemeth and her other hosts, has been playing a long game, manipulating events across centuries. Positioning Morrigan to drink from the Well could be yet another deliberate move in a larger plan—one we’re still piecing together.

(If fact, Mythal says to Morrigan, regardless of who drank from the Well, "You seek to preserve the powers that were, but to what end? It is because I taught you, girl...")

Narratively, Morrigan has always been driven by a desire to defy and escape her mother’s influence. Drinking from the Well adds another layer of complexity to her arc as she grapples with whether she’s acting for herself, her son, or as an unwitting pawn in Mythal's long-term plans.

If the reckoning is tied to Mythal’s vengeance, justice, or restoration, Morrigan makes an ideal vessel to carry out that plan. Her deep connection to Mythal, paired with the Well’s knowledge, puts her in a unique position to act decisively when the moment arrives.

Let’s Talk About Why It Might Not Be the Inquisitor

First things first—let me share my personal opinion as it ties back to my Inquisitor before diving into the reasons why I don’t think it was 'canon' the Inquisitor to be the one who drank from the Well.

- As I mentioned earlier, my Lavellan always drinks from the Well. But honestly? I don’t want my Inquisitor to be deeply tied to whatever fallout comes from that choice in the next game—because it raises the risk of them dying. And I really don’t want that. - No matter if they’re Lavellan, Trevelyan, or any other origin, I’m incredibly attached to my Inquisitor. I want them to have their happy ending, to retire peacefully with their romantic partner and live out their days free from looming cosmic consequences. They’ve earned it. - The whole point of the original post was Mythal being the Big Bad--I don't want my Inquisitor involved in that! If you do, amazing, then leave this whole post behind!

Second things second, here is why I don't objectively think it is the Inquisitor:

- The devs have said too many choices can complicate things, which is why DATV offers only three options. While the Well of Sorrows was originally included, it didn’t make the final cut. What that means for the story remains a mystery. - The devs have noted how hard it is to keep every world state valid. BioWare seems to be narrowing options to maintain a cohesive story—too many branches make that nearly impossible to manage. - The Devs have stated that the Inquisitor's story is over. - We can debate respecting player choices all day, but the reality is, while the devs do their best to honor those decisions, sometimes it’s just not possible. Storytelling and technical limits mean compromises have to be made. - We can debate the game’s timeline and whether the Inquisitor might have escaped the Prison of Regret with Solas (if that’s your world state), but without knowing exactly when the game takes place, it’s kind of a moot point.

Digging into the In-Game Reasoning (Both Stated and Implied) for Why Morrigan Could Be the Choice

If Mythal’s goal is to prepare someone both knowledgeable and strategically positioned for the reckoning, Morrigan is the clear choice. Morrigan has an understanding of the ancient knowledge, political neutrality, and ambition makes her uniquely capable—and driven—to wield the Well’s power effectively. (Sure, we can argue the an Inquisitor can learn everything Morrigan has been studying for the like 10 or so years...)

With her magical expertise, willpower, and cunning, Morrigan wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the Well.

This creates tension—Morrigan might serve Mythal’s plans while believing she acts on her own terms. The Well’s binding isn’t just about knowledge; it’s about enduring its weight. Having spent her life mastering powerful magic, Morrigan is uniquely prepared for this burden.

If Mythal wanted just anyone to drink, she could’ve chosen someone more obedient. Morrigan drinking wasn’t random—it was a deliberate choice aligned with her rare skills and determination.

Flemeth’s death wasn’t just a transfer of power—it was a continuation of intent. Morrigan isn’t merely a vessel; she’s Mythal’s chosen successor in spirit and purpose. Drinking from the Well cements that role, binding her even more deeply to Mythal’s legacy.

The reckoning isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about willpower and agency. Morrigan ensures Mythal’s agent isn’t just capable of wielding the Well’s power but driven enough to act on it.

ANYWAY, I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG AND THAT IS OKAY! I LIKE THEORIZING FOR FUN.

UPDATE TO ADD: The story took a turn after David Gaider left in 2016, about a year after Trespasser was released. The devs have mentioned they had to rework parts of the narrative because they felt they couldn’t fully deliver on Gaider’s original vision. This likely means the implications of the Well of Sorrows choice could have shifted too. To what extent? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Who knows.

What if it was actually Morrigan who drank from the Well of Sorrow because if you drink it, "everything you do, whether you know it or not, will be for [Mythal]," according to Solas.

And that fragment of Mythal is in Flemeth. So when Flemeth dies and goes to Morrigan, Morrigan is going to be more primed for accepting Mythal because she drank from the Well of Sorrows.

Because Mythal is still planning her reckoning.

EDIT: this post is focusing on Mythal being the big bad and getting her reckoning in the next game. I personally think she prepped morrigan for this and needs the power from the Well of Sorrows.

[widdlediddle2]

Akko sneezed

Okay wanted to share my royalty au and the change to akko i did

now that akko was born from the stars she actually holds very powerful magic but she doesnt understand it therefore she doesnt know how to control it.

so often chariot or croix would find her doing something weird like floatin around the castle, making her toys levitate or even making one of the maids float!

both chariot and croix have not seen this type of magic before and try their best to help her but unfortunately it grows with each passing day.

But strangely now that akkos a teenager she doesnt have that problem anymore heck she cant even fly on a broom but for some reason akko doesnt remember having magic in the first place. eh it was probably her imagination

[ganondoodle]

so, inspired by the warm welcome the captain received with that rough doodle i posted, i made an updated design for Ki'ita as well (basic and with clothes)

i removed the piercings she had bc considering that they spend the majority of their time in arctic waters i think having metal directly in your skin is a bad idea, no matter how thick your blubber is; i also gave her typical white markings a green hue bc ... i liked how it looked and makes them stand out a little more

(i will not repeat what i wrote on the post about the captain but wanted to add a bit of more info about Ki'ita herself)

(i dont have ALL of their backstory done yet but) the captain and Ki'ita worked together in another organization, one in which the father of the captains child also worked at, before being betrayed and barely managing to escape, after which the both of them founded their pirate crew (possible name is the Solar Pirates bc of their solar powered boat stuff); since the captain had her daughter shortly afterwards Ki'ita managed most of the organisational matters at first, including the construction of their base on an abandoned island they had initially fled to

over the years they invented the solar powered ships that allowed them to gain control over a large part of an important trade route, leaving normal ships (mostly) alone but attacking those of hunters and similar, rescuing demons and mutants, even some humans from them, most of which also join the crew and it quickly lead to them becoming their own little community

Ki'ita does not like to spend alot of time among large groups of people, no matter how much she cares about them, and her originally being from norther lands gave her the idea to explore, and if viable, do underground missions in those norther areas to disrupt the infrastructure the hunters had built in recent years and overall keep the crew informed about things that may otherwise stay hidden; with each of their travels her time absent from the base increased but the patience of the captain is wearing thin so its likely a serious talk is underway on Ki'itas third solo mission she nearly died due to entanglement in abandoned nets made by hunters from an unknown material that she could not break, the massive scars on her tail especially come from that, only surviving bc the date they were supposed to return to the crew had passed and the captain grew to worried about her and made the entire crew rush into an emergency search, including the captain herself and her toddler, who were not suited for the cold climate just like the rest of crew, taking a huge risk that Ki'ita still feels ashamed of for causing; they stayed within the base for a whole year afterwards, not just to recover but also as a silent apology, taking time preparing herself to ensure theyd not get into a situation like that again

(before departing on their next mission the captain gifted her a sword with the blade made from the material of the net, a wooden handle, bc of the cold, and a blue wrap around it reminiscent of the captains striking blue teeth; a reminder of what had happened, a means to defend herself when their strength and teeth are not enough, and also a promise to always return again)

the oldest members of the crew know Ki'ita well and treat her like an old friend, among the newer members she has more of a .. cryptic status, the mysteriously absent vice-captain who only appears every few months or so out of thin air, throws a big party, sleeps for a few days and then vanishes again, the only hint to when they will return soon again being the captain getting noticably grumpier

(OC art, Ki'ita, she/they)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

so like do you think they made the plastic wheelchair ALONGSIDE the plastic prison as a Just In Case situation, only after they realized charles was going to be a frequent visitor, or both as in because they knew charles was going to be the only person visiting him during planning they decided to make him a chair ahead of time

[smallerontheoutside]

I feel like there's a lot of parallels between rose and the doctor's relationship and Amy and Rory's relationship

[aastarions]

i cannot believe that since i posted the last chapter of my zhongli multichap (in july 2022) right

ive gotten engaged

ive gotten married

AND

ive gotten pregnant 🧍🏼‍♀️

specifically pregnant with identical twins 🧍🏼‍♀️🧍🏼‍♀️

[gaymars97]

Fuckinj throws rewrite Maya things at you instead of actually posting about the au

(To help a a bit, the strombringer is the vault monster of Athenas that chooses maya as its warlock. Its also the huge dragon)

As for the black haired one, thats Vanya. Oc of mine, Maya’s sister figure

Hehe second form sheninagans

[jojojooo33]

Thinking about. egg* trans girl Al running into Claus after the main series. Claus has transitioned (I'm shoving canon in a locker) and sees Al approaching in the distance and is like, "ah fuck it's that pipsqueak alchem-- oh wait."

Al comes up to him and Claus is like, "Hey you're not Ed." And Al replies, "Oh, did we meet you on our journey?" Claus starts vaguely explaining being trans and Al is like, "I have no idea who you are but what do you MEAN you can change your body with just normal medicine? That's so cool you can do that, tell me more."

[ilikeyoubetterthisway]

[gunkbaby]

rambling abt how i used to feel abt shuu in TG’s ending and why i think i was wrong (+ part of what he means 2 me)

I remember back in 2021, i was into this idea that Shuu didn’t get a happy ending at the end of tg:re, because the characters that got ‘happy’ endings were shown to be in heteronormative relationships - married, with a child or multiple - whilst characters like Shuu didn’t have that.

I think at the time, myself - maybe other ppl - took this as being kind of queerphobic, or at least unsatisfactory to the queer characters. The ‘Shuu Tsukiyama deserved better’ of it all.

And whilst yes, Shuu Tsukiyama did indeed deserve better; in hindsight I do so strongly disagree with this idea I had. I think it relies on a particular interpretation of the story, which I don’t think I agree with. I think maybe, some of this idea did come from people who maybe didn’t like TouKen being canon - and whilst I don’t necessarily like how TouKen became canon, I think maybe I got swept up in this interpretation too.

It wasn’t so much that I wanted Shuuneki to be canon or anything - it was much the opposite. I thought that Shuu should not have been so unwillingly faithful to Kaneki after the Tsukiyama Extermination, that he had earned a moment of scorn, he had earned the right to ‘split’, you could say. This isn’t necessarily an idea I wholly disagree with, but I was going about it in the wrongly. I thought about the ending in a very black and white way - Shuu not having that moment, to me, meant the ending was void. He was living in false happiness - forced to watch the man he loved be happy whilst he was still a glorified dog. I thought he needed to be away from Kaneki to be truly happy, and I think that was the issue with my idea.

I think the reason I so strongly resonated with this interpretation of the ending as being subpar and Shuu not getting his flowers was also very much my projection onto Shuu. I think my anger was still very much aimed at how the ending came, but I misplaced it.

At the time, I myself was experiencing my first ’BPD moment’ I suppose? I’d come online and actively engaged with a fandom for the first time in my life outside of Wattpad. I didn’t know what I was doing or what was happening, my social skills were (and are) nonexistent - I left school at 13 and the only person I’d really interacted with since was my abuser and doctors. I was awful at it all. When I started to get mutuals and the like, I was really quite inappropriate - clingy and unaware, unstable and nuclear. I fucked up a lot of myself because of it, and I still have to recover from it even now. So, with that in mind, as someone with BPD, who was that inappropriately co-dependant person - and who is now aware of that fact - nowadays, I look at Shuu’s ending with less comtempt, and a lot more optimism.

I think now that Shuu’s happy ending would never have been to be with Kaneki - only in an ideal world that serves our illnesses. Him learning to grow past this limerence, to see Kaneki in a way that isn’t so ride or die, and to maintain a healthy, platonic relationship with him, feels perfect. It gives me hope as someone with BPD, that I might not be doomed to always be quite a toxic person in regards to having any kind of relationship. You can argue that I’m arguing abt the ‘single is better’ trope or whatever terminally online thing it is now, but I don’t see it like that.

When I think about it now, I think Shuu’s ending was perfect for him. Now, I look at him through my ‘BPD gaze’ (eurgh) and see this ending as something very hopeful. The idea of being able to exist with this person you’ve been so obsessed with, in a way that does not create a detriment to yourself, and to exist and have a seemingly normal, healthy friendship with that person - it’s kind of the dream. For me, at least - personally I dream to have relationships that don’t lead to me embarrassing myself on the internet and in public and ending up relapsed and on a ward. Just me, maybe.

I take his ending nowadays as something quite hopeful.

Shuu’s arc in :re, to me, has always been symbolic of recovery. When I first read it, I was in therapy, specifically in an eating disorder clinic - Shuu’s own recovery from anorexia meant I could do it too. His softening of his depression meant I stood a chance too. His seeming abandonment of his ‘Gourmet’ persona I compared to myself, in learning to let go of my idea of myself as an anorexic. Him learning to possess and lean into his own empathy, to embrace feelings and ideas of himself that contradicted this idea of a civilised, ferocious man-eating predator, to love with less shame - to me it appeared as a story of learning to embrace that possessing humanity is not a weakness. To be human is so confusing, but it can be so ethereally freeing.

Shuu’s story has felt like a lot of things to me. It’s learning to abandon the adoration one possesses for the idea of the self, understanding that to continue living in such a way leads to self-destruction. But also, that to self-destruct is to rebirth. We are constantly self-annihilating and rebuilding ourselves from our ashes.

I’m reminded of the Fire lily - a flower that exists in fire-prone areas of the cape of South Africa. The lily is unique, lying dormant for many, many years, and particularly difficult to cultivate; as it relies on smoke from surrounding wildfires to bloom. So it requires a level of destruction and ravage to bloom, and it is so, so beautiful. In the process, the lily becomes the only source of pollen in the area, so it becomes crucial for the other species in the area. As the other plants in the area return, the lily dies, and returns underground, until the next fire.

To me, Shuu’s story feels like a cycle of nature and destruction. He goes from this idea of the apex predator, through an annihilation, to a rebirth.

His story - his character - despite itself, has felt painfully human. The fear of aligning yourself with humanity, the pain of existing within a species that has become little but an arrogant pest. Which feels so ironic. It’s hard to speak on this, maybe I’m not smart enough, and though I don’t feel like one, I have only ever lived as a human, and that is my only perspective. So maybe him feeling so human is major projection, and I’m wrong, but I see it in Shuu. How he denies things like friendship and kinship with humans, how he tries to put himself on a pedestal - I read this as a side-effect of alienation and loneliness. He doesn’t quite fit in with ghouls where he should, but to accept that you do not fit in because you are strange - there is something wrong with you - is very painful, so it’s much easier to become arrogant. He feels so in denial of his loneliness, of a need for companionship; and that, to me, feels very human. He wants to fit in, maybe he wants to be something other than othered, but he’s in denial of this, and he’s in denial of his flaws - the flaws that alienate him - so he remains stagnant, waiting for the inevitably of self-destruction. Shuu was never going to stay as he was, if Kaneki hadn’t threw him off course, he would’ve fallen anyway.

Living things need to experience a pain or discomfort to grow back stronger. Winter is a necessary season of life that none are spared. Shuu’s story feels like that - a season cycle.

There’s a lot more I could say about him, his story and what it means to me, but I am rambling and getting all purple prose-y.

Again, I stress that I do still feel dissatisfied by Shuu’s arc in re - he did indeed, ‘deserve better’. Much like myself at 17, I do wish this journey of limerence to a healthy, platonic relationship had been better expanded upon. Shuu questioning Kaneki, experiencing a moment of scorn - I do think of that idea often, just not like I used to. His ‘deserved better’ isn’t the ending, but the progression to it. My problem with Shuu’s writing is post-Tsukiyama extermination arc - so it links into my problem with most of the Tsukiyama Family characters, and Chiehori - there is very little attention given to Shuu post this arc. When there is, it’s good on paper, but this aspect of his arc is not shown consistently strongly enough. We don’t see this sort of ‘journey of self-improvement’. Shuu kind of comes back and he’s just, better. Personally, I think there should have been more nuance to this arc - and I think I thought that back in 2021 too, but I was angry at the wrong thing.

I think Tokyo Ghoul’s flaws often come from the fact that the idea behind it is so huge - there is so much stuff you can do with it. For worldbuilding and character ideas alone. The plot it considers sometimes feels too small to be satisfying for the world it exists in. The characters are so often written too richly, and there are too many of them - this is both a highlight and a hinderence of it. It has too much stuff, implied and not. I do believe a lot of the dissatisfaction I was experiencing with TG in 2021 was because I didn’t quite understand that fact. I think I kind of resented the series, and Ishida, for it. Nowadays, I don’t really care. I’ll just pose my own ideas and write what I would’ve - fanfiction is wonderful in that. Maybe I understood what my issue with TG truly was, finally, or maybe I’m just not 17 anymore.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[whumpy-wyrms]

i am sitting in class writing the darkest most fucked up thing i’ve ever written on my school macbook just having so much fun