#it makes me wish I could love normally
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To be an otherworldly being, another species, someone who goes against all laws of nature, how wonderful that’d be
Humans fear you if you show your true self, they run and wish to get rid of you
Yet here is this one particular human who doesn’t seem to mind
He, who loves you unrequited, unconditionally:
Who trusts you with ever Fieber of his soul and body
Who allows you to carry out your instincts on him
Who doesn’t mind being your prey for all of enternity
Who is jealous when you carry out your carnal needs on other humans
Who turns a blind eye to all the disasters that comes with being with you
Who gasps in awe when you show him your abilities
Who smiles when you turn to him for solace, showing all these vulnerabilities you never dared to act upon
Who makes you wish you could tear your heart out and gift it to him
Who is helpless with you yet strong at the same time
Who feels safe in your embrace
In the embrace of a monster
#I’ve been reading too much stuff about monsters#nobu you started this I blame you#ngl this kinda love is so pure and beautiful#it makes me wish I could love normally#to give and to love without expecting anything in return#without it being forced - tiring - lustful#something I’ll never be able to have for myself#nini!rant#monster x human#y/n x character#reader x character#monster reader#idk man I’m being kinda sentient here#but I’m not sad about it dw#Welp this was just a rant post cuzzzz yea
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The Sun is dead and love is an unbearable thing (On Yudrein Aile & Grief)
(Above) KOURAISSANT / (Aeschylus: The Oresteia, Aeschylus & The Oresteia: Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers, The Eumenides, Anne Carson) / Things Haunt, Joshua Jennifer Espinoza / Chapter 514, Turning, 쿠유 / Morning in the Burned House, Margaret Atwood / The opposite of a haunting is something very lonely, heavensghost / A Rosario Castellanos Reader: ‘Memorandum on Tlatelolco’, tr. Maureen Ahern / Sue Zhao / The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller / The Empress Yamato Hime, tr. Kenneth Rexroth / Spring and All, Cathy Park Hong / UNDER A STAR CALLED SUN / there is no absolution for the fallen, only the dying, p.d / Chapter 1, Turning, 쿠유 / Lesbos (From Ariel), Sylvia Plath
(Below) The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020), dir. Mike Flanagan / 6CHO1
#터닝#turning#turning by kuyu#turning manhwa#turning novel#turning quotes#turning bl#kishiar x yuder#kishiar la orr#yuder aile#kishyu#web weavings#webweaving#web weaving#on grief#on longing#novel snippet#YUDREIN AILE THE MAN YOU FUCKING ARE- HE MAKES ME ILL#THE EVENT S IN TIMELINE 1/ GAME ONE BOUNCE AROUND MY HEAD LIKE A GODDAMED PINGPONG BALL#I WISH I COULD PUT IT IN BETTER WORDS BUT I ADORE HIS GRIEF AND HOW HE PERSEVERES DESPITE#THIS IS BASICALLY A LOVE LETTER TO YUDER he plays 5D chess against me kishiar AND HIMSELF#AND I SINCERELY ADORE HIM FOR IT i love u my dude#IM NOT NORMAL ABOUT TL1 I'M NEVER GOING TO BE NORMAL ABT KISHIYU TL1
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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anyone else up listening to robin by ts on repeat while thinking about how no one who loved adrien agreste ever told him the truth 🤨⁉️ just me?
#nino is exempt from this post i love you nino#also i’m not throwing shade at any characters im just contemplating how uniquely awful adrien’s life is#you know. as i do#kept hallucinating an animatic today. lord knows i cannot draw an animatic rn#but the images plague me..#i kept wishing i could make an edit(not that i know how to edit) but then i would remember#that all the emilie scenes i was envisioning were not actually real and i made them up. whoops#strings tied to levers slowed down clocks tethered all this showmanship to keep it from you in sweetness……#way to go! tiger!!!!!#miss swift if you could stop writing about adrien agreste for just a second😭😭😭😭😭#buried down deep and out of your reach the secret we all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness😭😭😭😭😭#shut uppppp#anyway i’m having a normal one.#and don’t even get me started on the bolter#ml#anna rambles#ts
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I am so so so happy with my patreon merch designs for August...
I seriously love getting to design things every month and send them out...
You can get these stickers if you sign up for one of my merch tiers before the month is over!
#sorry I have to self promo sometimes#I promised my friends I would#but also. I legitimately just extremely like these stickers so much#I might make these designs available for sale eventually (normal style)#and I also want to do more designs in this kind of general aesthetic...#its. I really like it hahahahhahaha#and I like how these came out a ton#so I think I wanna do some more like this! at least for a bit#anyways yeah if you like these then you can get them as a patron#but also just my merch tier is my favorite patreion thing and I love getting to design and ship stuff out every month. its so wonderful..#MY FAVORITE THING.... DESIGNING MERCH...#great way to support me while getting something out of it lmao#I mean you can also just look at my patreon in general#I wish sooo fucking bad I could post updates early there but it's against my contract#so. just previews for now...#next comic for sure though.#stickers#patreon#self promo#ugh I am just so happy with these....
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just thought of stamps treatment of elendira again ..no .. NOO
#what the hell did she ever do to them#i saw a twt abt trigun stargaze (?) stamp s2 (?)#and how its 2 yrs after season one and i first got sad bc i was hoping for her og design revival#but then i remembered they made her a CHILD????#& not even that but the ?? what was it . changed her into a half plant prototype ?#canonical trans woman changed into child laboratory experiment like what compelled you to do that.why#no i cant even think ab it too much or i legitimately get upset HELPP#LIKE SHES ONE OF MY FVAORITE CHARACTERS EVER AND THEY RUINED WUITE LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT I LOVED ABT HER#ugh.xAIHHGGHJHG#elendira#sometimes i wish . soo hard that i could j be normal and like things and have fun#but im such a stickler abt consistency w characters and stories such that any deviation makes me like .no#i cant deal w it HELPPP we need to adhere by character bibles again . we need to maintain the general chronological order of events#wlfwood characterization is a mess across the board and introducing late stage concepts / characters / plot devices early#just messes w the story in irreparable ways imo😭#yess ‘stamp was never meant to be max’ i get it .. but 98 accomplished what stmp couldnt#with 16% the published og materialHELP#all of this AND u made legato ugly as fuck LIKEE GIVE ME SOMETHINGG.? rem too omg..
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Oh yeah sure Bruce made a glass case with his dead son’s clothing in it and that was weird and all. But what about when his next son copied him and made FOUR glass cases, one for each person he was trying to resurrect and/or clone? That. that was weird.
Teen Titans (2003) #43
Teen Titans (2003) #44
#STOP looking at Bruce to learn coping mechanisms!!! bad idea!!!!#tim drake#kon el#stephanie brown#bruce wayne#tim that was so weird. it’s weirder when it’s just regular clothing not even a dramatic vigilante outfit#all those fanfics about Tim stealing Kon’s t shirt to WEAR and comics Tim is out there stealing Kon’s t shirt to put on DISPLAY?#and fandom wonders why dick’s first thought was ‘Tim is grieving very badly’ when Tim said Bruce was alive.#makes me wish even more that Bart was back to normal at this time so he could properly go apeshit too. that would’ve been so fun :(#jack drake#janet drake#bat mental health#batfam#teen titans (2003)#heroesriseandfall#guy who got this job by reprimanding Bruce for his bad morning skills: who should I learn how to mourn my loved ones from…Bruce. yeah.
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yknow what ill post this too. i was planning to do more with it and clean it up but this is how i play cotl/interpret the characters most of the time. whenever i watch the trailers im like That Lamb Does Not Want To Be There Huh
#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#i love it when narinder works at the bar bc i always imagine him just drinking it all himself#I WISH HE DID MORE SPECIAL STUFF LIKE SOZO DOES. NARINDER AND WEBBER SHOULD DO SPECIAL SHIT#sozo doesnt work he just wanders around and occasionally asks me to bring him people to eat. narinder shouldnt be normal#null havoc damage#scrolling back through my tag. should i make this brie. this wasnt about penitence mode but i think this could be brie.#half-god brie against the world#< tag
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Sanji & Lil' Sora Whether you're baking or drawing, art is sweeter when shared!
Fanart for @foxglovefantasy 's incredible fic, 'cut the lifelines'!
Design notes on Sora in the tags below ⬇️
#At times like this I wish I could draw people- but we work with what we've got 😤#I'd be remiss not to try to express how much I adore your work and what it means to me ❤️#CTL is such a huge comfort read I've been back to countless times and I can't express my love for it enough#all I can say is thank you for being a fuckin awesome writer 🫂#quick design notes on Sora!! his hair looks more windswept to match his name ❤️#his normal tail and being an earth pony come from his other 'parent' as one of the things sanji always remembers is his size and strength#the white patches are from the germa genes (the siblings all have white coats) as it's been hinted he's got a little something going on...#plus it helps make him distinct from sanji and zeff! white hoof sora!!#one piece#my little pony#mlp#ponified#ponify#black leg sanji#sanji#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#one piece nami#usopp one piece#tony tony chopper#nico robin#unicorn#straw hat grand friends#mlp crossover#one piece fanart
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Whoops hand slipped here’s some TADC character fanart. Apologies for the severe lack of Pomni in this one idk where she went off to…maybe she got lost on her way to find the exit. The lines are incredibly choppy & rushed, I know, but it was still fun art practice! I don’t draw these guys nearly enough anyways so this is a nice change of pace. Support indie animation :3
#you wanna know a secret? don’t like how I draw Ragatha I wish I could do her better 😔#like I don’t know if I make her hair straight or if it’s kinda wavy?? and her eye too idk how to draw it in a satisfying way :((#but that’s a normal dilemma when I’m trying to blend my artstyle with the shows artstyle#keeping the characters on model/recognizable and consistent but also my own style ya know?#making those adjustments takes time and usually I need to draw a character 7+ times before it looks good#JAX ON THE OTHER HAND—OH BOY GOODIE HE IS SO COMICALLY EASY TO DRAW HALLELUJAH LOL#I think the Puzzle toothy grin & toon eyes just automatically agree with me#then Kinger I also struggle with personally#Gangle’s mask shape is confusing at first but then you adjust fairly quickly#Caine is neutral party to me—I know how his design is but I’m not confident without reference material#and then the artstyle translation is another hurdle to juggle <<#his top hat especially like HOW U DRAW 😭 I can manage Puzzles bowler hat just fine but NOT top hats man#Zooble is lovely Zooble peace and love they did nothing wrong just pleasant to draw uwu#Jax & Zooble conflict oh noooo the bitches are fighting /j#Actually this initially started only with Caine & Zooble but I just kept adding others lol#Ragatha & Kinger we’re the very last additions#hplonesome art#tadc characters#the amazing digital circus characters#NOT GONNA PUT ANYMORE TAGS BECAUSE THEN IT’LL GET SWEPT UP AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME I DRAW THEM ALL THE TIME 🥲#I can’t be held liable for serving TADC fanart content because that isn’t me right now sorry
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Tek It ~ Cafune
#yeahhhh i did it again#“did you really change the lyrics at the end” yeah i did deal with it#the hypothetical animatic in my head for this song was driving me crazy i had to do SOMETHING#i got nerfed by God because if I could make animatics you'd all be ruined#once again gifset versions of this are fine#hell i'd love to see people actually make the animatic i wish i could make#im clearly having a very normal one about Vash the Stampede <333#trigun#trigun stampede#tristamp#vash the stampede#millions knives#trigun vash#trigun knives
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setting off for a long journey
#dnf#oblivion au#sketchbook#ert#do I even tag this? should I tag this absolute mess of an au with any of the participants?#this was simply me wanting to draw the view of white gold tower after like a 5h obliv sesh#yes I know that theres only two towers at the side shut up#this isnt even a real location I imagine this would be in jerall mountains but it doesnt make sense#this is like. cheydinhal view at best. probably more south idk I made it up#just needed to have these two kiss in the early morning hours before dream has to leave for a mission#Ive been playing more obliv so there Might be more idk#done with like 10 colouring pencils cause yeah#the blue looks eyestrainy but trust me its worse irl I love that colour#wish I could get the colours more true to life#anyways thank you for reading this rant I am here to talk about this silly au that I am very normal about
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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.
#gamers dont you love it when a friend breaks your heart#smashes every olive branch you extend toward them#accuses you of being the asshole when you fall apart about it#acts like they are sorry#and then just fully ghosts you 100%?#i am so fucking tempted to just give up man.#every time i meet someone and im like#''oh wait they seem normal? not hyperindividualistic? like someone who will like me always not just when im happy?''#''someone who wants to be my FRIEND not just a person in a discord call with me??''#and then i spread myself so fucking thin investing energy into the friendship#(which this person admitted wasn't even ENOUGH like i am SO EXHAUSTED from traumatic abandonment#and losing friends suddenly#that even me working at my MAXIMUM CAPACITY makes people feel like i don't like them)#every fucking time.#nothing turns out different. no matter how much work i put into it#the SECOND a person has the chance to abandon me. they will.#i am just sitting here with two forces inside of me#one who never wants to give up on love and friendship#and another who is so tired#i wish i could just be exhausted and burnt out#and someone or several someones. would love me anyways. love me enough that EVENTUALLY#i will grow my heart back#and i can love them threefold for all the love they showed me#but no one wants me even when i do have the energy to be a good friend so why the fuck would anyone want me like this#dude i am so sad i wasn't meant to live like this i was meant to make friends. close friends.#i just keep re-reading our last conversation before he ghosted me. maybe if i read it enough i can change the ending
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apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out
#and the one after that etc#IM GOING TO BE SO NORMAL OK. ill be the normalest guy ever. nobodys gonna be more normal than me about this#iv. eive. been reading the pjo books (first time actually) and. I care them all so mcuh. the books ever#so so many things i cant wait to see in the show. ive been imagining how some stuff could be translated into the show as i read#im so excited ougfhhh i love these books. life changing reads and im not even really halfway done with them#i just started the third one today actually :mindblown:#i sat down just to read the first few pages before i go to sleep. and erm. i ended up sitting there reading the first ~60 pages for over#-an hour instead. Its so good man the only reason i stopped reading is bc if i dont go to sleep now ill pass out lmao#anygays i love pjo forever and ever and when the next seasons come out im going to be insufferable (/pos)#Also i feel like im always saying this but#im not actually apologizing like i said in the post. im not sorry for shit!! im having a good time#cam.txt#side note omfg i wish i didnt get so much of pjo spoiled its ruining my fun. everything couldve been so much more enjoyable#its my fault im always spoiling media for myself just bc of my insatiable need to know everything Smh. im my own worst party pooper.#a killjoy but not in the cool mcr “killjoys make some noise” way 😞😞 big ol spoilsport right here
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