#it makes me so fucking sick to think that we're dying and we still never get mentioned in discussions of occupied nations

[estrogenism]

idk i wish people would talk more about papua when it comes to occupied nations.

free papua.

[frodolives]

1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...

🧔🏻‍♂️ queerqueg Follow

the franklin expedition is dead as hell

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan

10,558 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all

#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh

659 notes

🎨 asherbrowndurand

Just painted this

2 notes

ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927

RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed

🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow

HERITAGE POST

📝 shakespearesforehead Follow

How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol

82,170 notes

🌄 loyalromantic Follow

poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/

#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect

6,884 notes

🎀 thefopdiaries Follow

I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling

📜 bartlebi-thescrivener

i think i hauve consumption

112 notes

🐋 whaler4life

They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME

11 notes

🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow

I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense

#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo

56 notes

🤵🏻‍♂️ byronicherotournament Follow

🙈 butchbronte Follow

Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep

🙈 butchbronte Follow

I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

And? God forbid women do anything

#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily

8,027 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon

#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting

522 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH

#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....

2,309 notes

⭐️ newamerican

Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol

#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure

0 notes

[needle-noggins]

(CW for SA, suicidal ideation) Here we go. My favorite and simultaneously least favorite panel of Vash and Knives.

I've seen a few interpretations of this scene and before we dive into the one that really struck me, let's start with the more... chill one. We're finally introduced to the third gun of Trigun, Vash's angel arm. And the way we're introduced to it involves Knives forcing him to pull the trigger. Of course, since no one knows anything about Knives, the people of Noman's Land blame Vash for Fifth Moon, and Vash likewise blames himself (this is kinda a spoiler but if you've been paying attention, it's just par for the course). However, he's not the one who pulled the trigger, Knives is. It brings up an interesting moral question of blame - do we blame the gun (and Vash, who is being used/objectified as a weapon here), or the person who wanted it to happen? Guns don't kill people, genocidal twins do!

Now for the awful interpretation, the one that makes me cry and wish Vash was real so I could hug him and pay for his therapy. And really highlights how awful Knives is and how far he'd go for his brother in his own, fucked-up way. I touched on this in a previous post about Legato and the Murder Cafe, and the whole time I was thinking about Fifth Moon but didn't want to say anything for the sake of spoilers.

So. Pay attention to the way Vash and Knives are standing. Knives, when he first grabbed Vash's head, was standing in front of him. He moves behind him to better control him and yeah, he's still controlling him via hand on head, and now he's got his other hand gripping Vash's chest, where feathers/wings are manifesting. Knives is assaulting him. If you wanna get crazy with it and say that the angel arm is kinda phallic, you could say... yeah. This is rape. I heard that specific interpretation once and while I accepted it I also don't know if that would be generally accepted or if I'd be called out for it, so I'm trying to tread lightly here.

It also doesn't escape me that of course the angel arm has feminine features like the plants - the plants that, again, humans are exploiting for their ability to create. There's a lot of feminist commentary to be made here but many people have said it better than me. Specifically I'm thinking of this one post I saw about gender fuckery and Tristamp Vash. Anyway.

Also, the atomic bomb/black hole/sun/whatever that is in the middle... It's just so powerful. It's terrifying. The eldritch body horror here is a punch to the gut. What the fuck, Trigun? I thought this was a funky space western!!!

Oh, and here's more commentary on the following few panels:

Vashussy shot, Knives is still right behind him. Yeah, I wasn't kidding about how bad this pose is for them. Knives, you sick fuck.

Vash shoots himself in the leg (a key difference from '98 trigun, lol), because of course he does, but it doesn't free him from the arm.

The arm's getting darker/the light inside is getting lighter! Stampede did an awesome job with their interpretation of the angel arm and I don't think I would have understood it without that. Also, on my first read I didn't notice that Vash is literally levitating, which is cool, but also terrifying because ?? he's not in control of that either??

Finally. A super painful, minimalist, double-page spread. Nightow loves 'em. Vash thinks he's dying (maybe?) and he wishes he had never existed. It's not suicidal ideation per se, but he wishes he didn't exist at all because he's already caused enough suffering. This is a low for him, because he believes so strongly in the concept of the Blank Ticket. (Come on, soupy brain bitch boy, get it together!) He's a monster, it's just how he was born, and he's not in control. Very specifically too, he says "we", and then changes it to "I"... he doesn't blame Knives at all, and that's very him. I want to shake him! Stop playing the martyr, Vash!

[mcflymemes]

CHALLENGERS (2024) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary.

who says i want somebody to be in love with me?

i don't want to fuck you to prove a point.

fuck me because you want to.

are you gonna do it or not?

tastes even better than it looks.

i just told you i missed you.

i really want to kiss you right now, but i'm worried that if i try, you'll think i'm the worst friend in the world.

you know, it hurts me sometimes how little you believe in yourself.

decimate that little bitch.

let's be honest, you gotta feel bad for the kid.

you're not a spring chicken anymore.

dude. he's a pancake. you're gonna flatten him.

how's this feeling?

we're ready for you.

so obviously this isn't the result you wanted today.

you choked.

i don't want you to embarrass yourself.

i'm just a little rusty. it's a confidence thing.

get your fucking confidence back. i can't do it for you.

i'm so sick of you using this as an excuse to have a fucking meltdown.

you said we could watch a movie.

you're evil.

i'm gonna quiz you on it tomorrow.

sir, i don't know who you are.

i don't think we have much more to talk about.

i haven't spoken to you in five years.

i was just taking a little nap.

move, or i'm calling the cops.

you were really something back then, huh?

we always talked about how amazing it would be to win this together.

i'm a crazy person.

any predictions about how that's going to go?

can you do me a favor? can you not, like... demolish me tomorrow?

shut the fuck up.

if it matters to you so much, i can just give it to you.

i need it to look like i really beat you.

don't guilt me with your dying grandmother.

she's the hottest woman i've ever seen.

you were... fucking incredible.

baby, we've got to get going.

i'm not going to that party.

are you that threatened by me?

we can't both just go in there, dicks swinging.

i'd let her fuck me with a racket.

hey, do you smoke?

of course they will remember you.

see, that's your problem. you think you're like an artist or something.

you just want to win because you love it when people tell you how talented you are.

are you on facebook?

i told you tennis was boring.

you just got this crazy look on your face.

are you on a date?

i don't kiss and tell.

why did you want to have dinner with me?

i think you might be the worst friend in the world.

i didn't know you were so concerned about my feelings.

of course you still have a thing for her.

we just had what i'm assuming is the best sex of our lives.

i fucked your brains out?

what do you think you need? a cheerleader? a fuck buddy? a girlfriend?

you're talented, you're charming, and you've got a big dick.

excuse me for inconveniencing you.

don't expect to sleep here tonight.

stop going easy on me.

i'll be whatever you need me to be. i'll fuck off if you want me to.

i need you here, actually.

you're referring to when i declared my love for you.

you're not in love with me anymore?

i've been dreaming about this for five years.

i'm gonna propose something to you, and it's gonna make you angry. it's gonna make you very angry. but you have to hear me out, okay?

i'm finally ready to listen to you.

how dare you fucking ask me that.

do you think it's cute what you're doing? do you think it's funny?

that's the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard.

i've always wanted you.

you didn't do anything to me. i did it all to myself.

i think i've reached the limit of my willingness to have this conversation with you.

do you understand how embarrassing it is that you're here?

you've never beaten me.

tell me it doesn't matter.

will you just hold me?

i'm not here to fuck you.

i miss watching you play. you were so beautiful.

[iamcalmdammit]

Being sick || [John Price x reader]

Note: I loved John and the reader's chemistry in Four so here you go. This is the result of me suffering from goddamn covid myself.

Price hated to wake up without you by his side, especially when he was at home. After your date night on the previous day, he thought you could spend the morning in bed together, enjoying your short alone time. But when he woke up and turned to your side, he found the empty spot where you'd been when he fell asleep.

So he put on a shirt and began his short trip around the house to see where you were. In a matter of minutes he found you in the living room downstairs, cozily tucked under a fluffy blanket on the couch and reading a book in the silence the neighborhood provided so early in the morning.

"Lucas is with my parents and you don't use this opportunity to get some extra sleep?" he asked with a smile when he entered the room.

"I don't feel too well," you replied hoarsely as you closed the book and looked up at him. "I didn't want to wake you up with my coughing."

A worried expression replaced the loving smile the moment he heard you talk. "What's wrong?" He kneeled on the couch next to you and quickly checked your temperature by putting the back of his hand on your forehead. "Okay, you have a fever, you're going back to bed," he instructed before putting away the book and the blanket then reaching out to help you up.

But you pushed his hand away and stubbornly said, "I'm fine."

"You're not," Price told you when you started coughing. "Come on, I'll make you tea and bring something to bring down the fever along with a covid test."

"John."

Shaking his head, he simply scooped you up and began to walk towards the stairs with you. "This is not an argument you can win," he said with a know-it-all smirk.

"Ugh, fine."

"I hate it when you're being this difficult."

"I just can't be sick."

"You absolutely can." When you reached the bedroom and he gently lowered you on the bed, he sat down next to you and swept your hair out of your face. "Look, I can take care of you and myself just fine, and I'll ask my parents if Lucas can stay with them for a few more days."

Rolling your eyes, you looked at the ceiling. "I never said you can't take care of me," you murmured.

"You didn't have to," he informed you with a smile before he leaned down to kiss you on the lips.

"Hey, you're gonna catch whatever it is," you warned as you pushed him away.

Laughing, he stood up and held up his hands. "We live in the same house, I slept next to you last night, so I think I'd catch it eventually anyway. But fine, I'll give you space."

Ten minutes later Price returned with a tray in his hand that he settled on the bed next to you then sat down. "I'll put the tea on the nightstand because it's still hot. Here's a glass of water and some meds for the fever," he went on, giving you both. "And it's a good thing I stocked up because here's a covid test kit and a pill for your throat too."

"Doomsday prepper," you joked with a smile before taking the pill.

"All right," he began once he took the half empty glass from you and put it on the nightstand next to the steaming mug of tea. "Let's do the test. I brought myself one too so we'll see," he said, opening the boxes and neatly placing each item in front of you and himself.

Watching him with an amused smile, you leaned back against the headboard. "I can use a test, you know, I'm not dying yet."

"But I want you to rest."

At this point you gave up and decided not to force him. Price was glad you made this decision because he was too worried to deal with that. About ten minutes later you were both just sitting there on the bed, holding hands as you watched the two test panels.

It was you who broke the silence with your coughing fits every now and then until you said, "I was happier when it was my pregnancy test that became positive."

"Well, we're fucked. Let's hope I get away with it without symptoms so I can help you more," Price told you then began to collect the remains of the kit on the tray.

If there was one thing everyone knew about Price, it was probably how much he adored you since the day you met on a mission seven years ago. He was smitten, he knew that. Kate and Kyle often teased him about this, especially when they overheard parts of his conversations with you.

So now that you were sick, he was ready to spend the next few days taking care of you, just like you'd do if the roles were reversed. Once he took the tray back to the kitchen, he made himself a coffee then returned to the bedroom to lie down next to you.

With his legs pulled up, he dialed his mother's number and put it on speaker so you could also hear it. "Hi, Mom," he greeted her. "Look, can you get Lucas and yourselves a covid test?" His mother was surprised to hear it and her surprise disappeared the moment she put the pieces together. "Yeah, both of ours were positive so I just want to know if he's okay," he explained and his mother promised to do what he wanted. "Okay, thanks, Mom."

"Can we talk to him?" you asked worriedly, but she immediately explained that your father-in-law took him to the playground that morning. "Oh, okay."

"Call us if you know anything, okay?" Price asked then ended the call after a positive response. "I hope he didn't catch it," he said.

You watched him with an amused smile on your lips and he had no idea what it was for. "I love it when you're like this," you suddenly told him.

"Like what?"

Laughing, you reached out to take his hand. "When you turn on your worried-dad mode."

"Is that so?" he asked then leaned over to kiss you.

"Mmm-hmm. Like when I was attending a meeting in the HQ a few months back and you sent me tons of messages about taking him to a doctor because he had a mild fever."

Price laughed. "I freaked out."

"Yeah, I could--" you began but started coughing mid-sentence, "tell." When you could finally finish the sentence, you moved a bit to rest your head on his chest. "Thank you for taking care of us."

He couldn't help but look down at you with a big smile. Not because he was proud of himself, that was the bare minimum he could do as a husband and father. No. The reason behind the smile was how emotional you always got when you were sick or injured. It was cute and he loved it.

Later in the day--after finding out your son and his parents were all in the clear--he brought you another round of tea and meds, but this time he put some chocolate on the tray for you as well. "Liverpool's playing tonight," he stated as he sat next to you and sipped from his own tea.

"I know," you replied with a smile.

"You think you're gonna be okay while I'm watching it?"

With a cute little laugh you reached out to put your hand on his arm. "I'll be fine. I'm not dying. Maybe I'll watch it with you," you added after some thinking.

Raising your hand to his lips, Price said, "You should sleep, your fever's still not down."

"I'll be fine, John," you assured him.

He agreed. You were his lucky charm after all. The team couldn't lose if you were watching the game with him. So after you finished your drinks, he accompanied you downstairs, making sure you were okay on the way, then he tucked you in carefully with the blanket you left there in the morning.

[fanficwriterlover]

Safe with a Ghost

18+ Readers Only

Chapter 3 : Hang On

Summary: Time is of the essence, you're feeling worse by the second, waiting for Ghost, Simon along with 141 team, to come save you is nerve wracking for both you and him. You just hope you can hang on a little longer....

What to Expect: Blood, Tears, Angst, Cursing, Panic, Affection, Guns, Graphic Description, Nausea & more....

Pet-Names: Pigeon & Little Lamb

Word Count: 3.1k

════ ⋆Safe With A Ghost MasterList⋆ ════

═════════ ⋆Chapter 4⋆ ═════════

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost every 10 minutes Simon would check up on you, make sure you were still safe, and honestly you were grateful. Hearing his voice distracted you from the pain in your leg. Even if it meant listening to his horrible jokes which you couldn't help but laugh about...you were glad he updated you whenever he could. Gladly, he never brought up about the incident, Simon was always good about knowing what to bring up and what not, especially because it kept your anxiety down from reimagining the whole event of that day.

As Simon was talking through the other end of the line "Hey, Pigeon, you still with me ?" He sounded concerned as you could hear shuffling in the background. Your stomach queasy from the thought of the kidnapping "Y-Yeah...just feeling a little sick." You could already imagine his eyes squinting and brows furrowing under his mask or exposed face hearing that "it's okay, I'm not dying Simon, it's just been a lot. Could be from the blood loss" you were making your way into the bathroom, limping slowly and cautiously, trying to avoid wincing and whimpering in pain, but you knew he could probably tell from your foot falls that it was unbearable to walk. Once you made it to the bathroom still holding the phone, you began looking in the mirror at your reflection. You were definitely more paler, not as bright, your eyes had dark circles and your hair...well it's definitely been scrambled from lack of sleep. Simon spoke in a hush voice "I'm sorry..." You could hear it was like he was blaming himself "It's not your fault...how far are you ? Well how far are you guys?" Simon had told you he wasn't coming alone, that he had, as he said, his team with him but you could tell they seemed more like family than people of ranking. "We landed we're driving right now, we'll make it there at best 30-45 minutes." Your brows raised, you knew the closest airport was at best 4-5 hours "Are you- nevermind. Don't need to know how many poor pedestrians you've run over" you gave a smirk despite the urge to hurl, just looking at yourself made you queasy.

Hearing you still make jokes made Simon, well Ghost feel relieved that you had the heart and energy he gave a soft huff to mask his laugh "Bloody well know ain't my fault if they lingering in my way." If Ghost looked up which he dared not to engage, he would see Soaps gapping mouth along with Gaz confused yet shocked face expression he could hear them mumbling in the car "The fuck....he flirting ?" From a familiar Scottish accent Gaz piped in, "I'm so confused who the person we've been calling Ghost is, obviously ain't the same person" Soap shook his head combing through his mohawk, "We've been fooled" in the corner of his eye he could see Price giving a good laugh, from the two shocking discussion about him but he didn't pay mind.

It was killing him still not there already with you. "You'll know when we're at the hotel. Don't answer the door unless you hear exactly what I told you to hear out for" the short silence was enough for Simon to guess you were probably biting on your lip and fumbling with your hair...he gives a sigh "Stop, fuckin pulling your hair, you'll get bald spots, then you'll be sulking in the shadows for months." This got a laugh out of you "If I didn't know better Simon, I'd think you were watching me, but hey, I'd just use your masks to hide it all" lets out another huff, even though he was smiling under his mask thinking about how cute you'd look in his mask before snapping back to the orders he gave, "I'm serious y/n, don't open the door to anyone I don't bloody care if it was the King of England" you giggled hearing this, as he could imagine you waving your hand dismissively "I know Simon, I got it. No opening doors, starve myself even if I smell something good and hang tight till I hear it." He grunts from your snarkiness, if you were in his unit he would've had you running laps till you dropped to the ground from exhaustion. "Good" he says sternly his fist clenching his now changed attire to look more like civilians.

They had changed taking off their gear all wearing clothes they got from a friend of Prices when they landed. "See you soon Simon, I love you..." he could tell you always felt like it was saying goodbye as he let a soft sigh, speaking softly in a hush voice "Yeah....love you too pigeon." He waited until you hit the end call button, looking at the incognito phone.

Just when his mind was still ringing with your giggle, Soap had to ruin it by nudging him as he scooted back over while they were in the van. He groaned hearing the Scottish man rest his hand on his shoulder "Aye, how's the little lass holding up ?" Ghost didn't glance up from staring at his hand where the phone sat, he grumbled softly "She says she's aight, but she sounds tired..." He looked sharply at Price "I think she's lost a lot of blood despite what she's cared to admit." Price stared back at him as he leaned over to ask Nik how far they were from meeting their destination "We're about, best, 20 minutes, and that's with speeding my friend !" He says in his accent. Soap removed his hand from his shoulder giving a more somber look "She's still hanging there at least LT, we'll get to her on time. Can't wait to meet the little lass. I'm offended you never let us meet her !" This made Ghost grumble "I would have rather she never met you" Soap placed a hand to his heart as Gaz rolled his eyes from Soaps theatrical exasperation "You wound me LT...or is it you worried the little lamb would like me more than you" as he gives a smirk wiggling his brow. This made Ghost give him a deadly stare "Johnny, you flirt with my girl, I'll have you cleaning the barracks till your dying breath " Gaz lost it, rolling out laughing as Price whistled, lighting another cigar "Shouldn't have tested him Johnny boy" Soap was reeling with horror "A-alright LT, I hear ya loud and clear sir" This gave Ghost a subtle smile despite what he said, he was somewhat glad the team will be meeting her, it almost felt like a heavy veil lifting off his mask. This made him reminiscence the day he revealed his face to you....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You both were strolling the streets one night after leaving the pub, honestly you had to escort him out because a man in there was flirting with you and Simon and the man said some words before it turned into a fist fight. Obviously, with Simon's military background he easily took down the man without much of a fight. Pinning the man down onto his face and pulling on his arm until it snapped. After clearing things up luckily with your medical background (which he hated watching you treat the man) you began making guesses what he did for a living as you both strolled down the streets. "Are you an undercover cop ?" "oooh ! I know you're a body lifter ?" "Noooo wait wait, your a yoga trainer ?" "Taekwondo instructor?" "Wrestler ???" Your ask with curiosity your eyes beaming with excitement dying to figure out what he does. Simon, was walking beside you hands in pocket as you made your guesses, each guess sounding stupider than the next as he grumbled with a huff answering each with a "No".

Just when he thought you've given up your shake your arms up above your head "For fuck sake Simon ! Give me a damn hint !" He cocks his brow at you, glancing down at your frustrated face expression, he smirked a bit seeing how cute you were angry, he could imagine as a cartoon character with the smoke blowing out of your ears and face boiling red for a dramatic effect. He looked ahead tho, grunting "Don't bloody tie me to some wrestler, I ain't into that bunch of rubbish fights" You peeked at his face trying to read him as you both happen to be crossing a bridge as you stopped looking at the stream below.

Simon stopped to look at you, as his eyes casted at your body against the moonlight, your hair flowing, almost like in slow motion from a movie but you pushed it away briskly. You were breathtakingly beautiful to him. You look at him "Simon, we've gone on dates now for what couple months now ? When are you going to open up to me ?" You bite your lip, not the coy way though, almost like you're biting your lip to make your tears not come down. "I want to know you better...I want..." You sigh softly looking away "Nevermind" but Simon says in a deep soft voice "No, tell what's on your mind Pigeon." You look back at him surprised, blushing at the pet name as you take a deep breath, facing him fully. "I want to be that someone for you Simon. I want to be the person who remembers every detail about you. I want to be someone you trust and open up to when things get hard and you need someone. " if you thought your cheeks were red, under Simon's mask he was brighter. "Simon, I want all of you. Your darkness and light. Whether you're a friendly ghost or not. I want to know you for Simon and Ghost." You take a breath, you didnt realize how quick you were talking as you were catching your breath now. There was silence between you two. Your words still in the air as he looked into your eyes to find any lie behind them.

You were trembling, almost scared you said something wrong "S-Say something.... because I don't want to be disappointed or hurt if you-" in that second, Simon had removed his whole mask. Truly removed it, not partial, not mouth mask, truly off. If you thought your mouth was wide, it was wide enough to place an apple in your mouth. Simon strided up to you looking down at you, as you still were admiring his handsome features as he spoke softly, lifting your chin "You talk too much Pigeon" he smirks at your now processing face, scrunches up as you start coming to your senses "Y-Yeah well..." He frowns at you "Shut up..." He crashes his lips down onto yours shushing you from making your comeback as you both held each other. It was the moment you two agreed to never hold secrets, least as much as Simon could tell you and when you officially marked the day you were dating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard to believe it was 3 years ago Simon thought, felt like yesterday you were just someone he saw at the airport after a mission and you were a clueless American trying to figure out where to go from there. Snapping back to the moment, Nik speaks out loudly "We're 5 minutes away ! I'm going to park in this alley to keep our distance ya ?" This perked up Ghost, he couldn't believe you were so close yet so far to reach. Everyone seemed to be on the edge of their seats ready to take action as Price put out his cigar. "Alright you lot, remember we're around civilians, keep your weapons hot yet hidden. Don't need to get too much attention. If you come across any hostiles, eliminate quietly don't want to cause them to get more backup." Everyone nodded their heads as Gaz spoke "So what's the plan Captain?" Price looked sharply at Ghost as Ghost looked at him "Ghost, Soap, you two make your way into the hotel. Get y/n out safely through the back." Ghost nodded his head as Soap responded "Aye" Gaz you take the back way, where they'll exit. Keep it clear. I'll watch from the building across from this hotel. I'll be the sniper. I'll be your eyes. Nik will watch the entry if anyone suspicious goes in." Price looked around at each ones face before landing back at Ghosts "Alright. Let's go get the little lamb" a nickname the 141 started calling you, as Ghost didn't care, he just wanted to get to you.

Soap and Ghost walked casually shoulder to shoulder, microphones attached to their hoodie, hands in pocket as they made their way to the alley where it takes you the back entry way to the hotel. Their eyes scanned their surroundings as they made their way closer to the alley, Ghost caught at the little coffee shop some men pretending to read newspapers as he mumbles softly "Two men, 4 o' clock, eyeing building" Soap side glances seeing them as he says lowly "Aye...I see em LT, you think they onto us yet?" Ghost kept his eyes locked onto the hotel "Let's hope not Johnny...Price you copy?" Took a few seconds before Price responded "Yeah, I heard ya Ghost. I'll keep me eyes on them. You're clear right now. Gaz will follow behind exactly 5 minutes after, once you've entered and keep it clear. " As they got closer to the alley they make a casual sharp left blending into the shadows as they make their way to the door "Yeah, we copy, tell your guy to watch the cameras." Soap gets to the door first opening looking behind Ghost as his eyes narrow a bit, no words needed to be spoken, someone had their eyes on them. Continuing their way, they enter now in front of a spiral of stairs. They both had their hands where their weapons were expecting the men to follow behind to corner them and start a shoot out. Soap watched Ghosts back while he kept moving, Soap checking behind him every minute. As they were making it around to the 3rd level, they heard the door open.

They froze looking at each other intently. They were followed. Hearing the ascending foot step, Ghost focused intently on hearing the footsteps calculating how many they were going to be dealing with. Silently he lifted his fingers saying the total "7" Soap seemed to have calculated the same amount as he gave a slow nod. Pulling out guns would alert others of their presence. So they decided to handle this with a more, physical touch. They were leaning against the railing acting like they were just chilling, as the men appeared, all shifting for a moment uncertain, as they began to walk by them, in that split second Ghost and Soap locked eyes nodding as they had their blades out and fists up. The men were ready for this as well as they put up a hard fight. 3 went after Soap while Ghost took on 4. Soap worked quickly, clashing the first one into the second before working on stabbing the third in the chest. Flipping his blade he readied himself for the third man who got up faster lunging at him to punch, Soap kneed him in the stomach, however not expecting him to be also holding a knife as he grazed his shoulder, he didn't stop though striking down onto the man's back then stabbing at the neck. Than seeing the final guy rush towards him a knife went embedded into his head. Soap looked to his left seeing Ghost had already finished his 4. Soap pushed the limp body "Bloody hell LT, how the fuck you finish off 4?!" Ghost shrugged "Another time Sargent. You still fight able?" Soap touched his wound nodding his head "Damn right, could take on an army LT" Ghost grunted with approval as he rushed up the remainder of the two flights.

He never ran so fast before you were so close, he could almost smell your scent finally arriving up E 17 he froze knocking on the door almost Morse code. He waited for you to answer now...few seconds turned to a minute, than another, and another. He attempted a second time thinking maybe you were asleep, but again nothing. Soap who was watching his back looked up at him almost concerned "LT..." Ghost didn't want to hear it. He started kicking at the door with all his power until it gave in. He literally broke the door off it's hinges as he rushed in, seeing the pool of blood on the bed, eyes frantic "Y/n !" He noticed the bathroom light on, running in, as he stopped dead in his tracks, seeing your almost, lifeless body in the bath tub. You were pale, he made his way to you quickly lifting your head checking your pulse as you mumble softly "Y-You came..." Ghost heart almost felt like it wasn't beating. Seeing you losing so much blood and your normal glow faded, he didn't wait a second. Scooping you into his arms holding you close to his chest, he shouted at Soap to hurry and grab a blanket, when Soap laid his eyes on you, he wrapped you with the blanket he found saying in a soft voice "LT, she's -" Ghost was blazing with fury as he narrowed his eyes at him "Let's move Sargent !" He didn't wait up for Soap, running down the flight of stairs, skipping some steps with ease. Hurriedly making to the door, he heard Soap radio "We're coming out....it's not looking good. We need to get to base ASAP ! Bring the van Nik !" Everyone responded through except Ghost his hold on you was tight yet gentle. Gaz opened the door so he didn't, his eyes showing immediate concern but Ghost wasn't having it. The sound of Niks van screech to a halt, Gaz and Soap opened the vans doors letting Ghost in, Price jumping into the passenger, as he glanced back seeing you, his eyes widen, everyone could see it. It looked like they were too late. Price yelled for Nik to drive, flooring it, as Price began calling Laswell telling her to give them a clearance to run through traffic and lights. With which was approved. You were in his lap, you could feel and smell the familiarity of him, your eyes barely staying up as you saw he was fearful, you could see where his mouth was under the balaclava, moving but you weren't registering if words were being spoken, you were only able to catch three words. "-Hang on y/n!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for Reading !

ꨄ︎ I know this was a CRUEL cliffhanger but I have to keep you on the edge of your seats... I'll be posting Chapter 4 soon !

ꨄ︎Taglist : @jadama20 @lunamoons-posts @babygirl-panda19 @kat-nee @marshallowy @bi-witch-bxtch @unit-1021 @wwe1rdc0re @crazy-phan-girl13

[bloodscribed]

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY.

a set of prompts featuring lyrics from the album of the same name by waterparks. may contain suggestive content. feel free to change things as needed for the sake of writing!

ST*RFUCKER

"I'm gonna move out of my loft and into a limousine."

"Jesus Christ won't text me back."

"I'll always be around, in fact."

"I'm climbing up your window now."

"It's been a pleasure, it's nice to meet you."

"Maybe I'm a soul-sucker."

"But you're just a star fucker."

"I bet you wouldn't ask me to do that by this time next year."

"You can't hide my face and save me for a rainy day."

"It don't go two ways."

"I don't wanna be toxic, I just wanna be honest."

"But this shit hurts like a comet."

"And it just hurts 'cause I want it."

REAL SUPER DARK

"I'm outta my cage, and I'm on the stage."

"I'm dying to give you a show."

"I'm alienated, way overrated."

"Here are a few of the notes."

"My fans are the best."

"They'd love me more dead."

"But baby, it's gettin' too loud."

"Yo, shut the fuck out of your mouth."

"Bite tongue 'till there's blood in my mouth."

"It freaks me out."

"It gets real super dark around the edge of my heart."

FUNERAL GREY

"Now I'm tripping off the deep end."

"So call me a Lyft or a black hearse."

"I know you'll make my head spin."

"What's your favorite color?"

"That's not a color, it's a shade."

"Don't disagree with me."

"And then she walked away."

"I didn't get her name."

"I can't explain the look on her face."

"She wore a sweater in summer weather."

"It was funeral grey."

"And now it's killing me."

"I just want you to be my next mistake that I'm gonna make."

"She walked in, took a hit."

"That shit is gonna kill you."

"Well now you're gonna die too."

"I said that you can call me, beep me if you want my skin."

"She rolled her eyes."

"I know your dying wish is to be baptized in my spit."

"Float my way, I'm melting for you."

BRAINWASHED

"What's up?"

"Hello, I'm tryna meet ya."

"Shocked at the words coming from my tongue."

"A language that I'm not familiar."

"Don't take it away."

'I wanna play."

"Where did the time fly?"

"What if I pray?"

"Hoping you'll stay into the daylight."

"Wait, what am I saying?"

"I feel insane."

"It's only been a couple days."

"I'm having the same thoughts, can't stop."

"Thinking you got me brainwashed."

"I'm see-through, need you."

"Why do I think you're so cool?"

"Everything's clean except for my thoughts."

"Thinking about me getting you off."

"It's been a week, I'm still at your house."

"I don't wanna leave, it's freaking me out."

"Why am I acting like that?"

"Are you really that funny, or am I hallucinating?"

"It's like my brain isn't mine."

"This syndrome feels Stockholm."

"Do you wanna keep me on lock, though?"

"Symmetrical feelings match best when we're staring at the ceiling."

2 BEST FRIENDS

"I'm trying to turn my mind off."

"But I don't know where to go when the night's long."

"I could have picked your body in a lineup."

"Now I'm sick of waiting on you to call."

"Yeah, I'm sick of playing it cool."

"So I went out with my two best friends."

"Tried anything not to think of you."

"It didn't work, and I feel like shit."

"Wake up tomorrow and try again."

"You hit back with the syntax."

"You treated my heart like a handbag."

"So now I'm solo when the night's cold."

"Yeah, I kissed a couple people, but they taste wrong."

END OF THE WATER (FEEL)

"If you feel it, then I feel it too."

"If you believe me, I could be your truth."

"If you need me, all I need is you."

"Why we ghost each other for a week at a time?"

"Make plans and let 'em fall through."

"I can't even call you, let alone call you mine."

"I can be nonchalant, if that's what you really want."

"But I'm just glad you and I are alive at the same time."

"We can't take back what we never gave."

"And that distance keeps us safe."

"But nobody told me that safe is so lonely."

"Can't we act like you and I are alive at the same time?"

"Do you feel it? 'Cause I feel it too."

"Do you need it? 'Cause I need it too."

SELF-SABOTAGE

"When we talk, I'm never wrong."

"Might unplug my phone at night."

"When you need me most, I'll miss that flight."

"Now we're at the part where you'll hate what you see."

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"I'm on my way to you, but I'll self-sabotage."

"So I might drive my car and crash into your garage."

"To get away from you, I'll self-sabotage."

"If you like when we talk, I'll dislocate my jaw."

"I'll piss you off and ask what's wrong."

"I want this to work so bad."

"But I want but I can't have."

"Make plans and break them to see what you say."

"'Cause you put on makeup and I'm still in bed."

RITUAL

"Gotta clear my front lawn off."

"Melatonin, eyes feel heavy tonight."

"I could sleep for weeks."

"Don't look for me."

"They're killing me when I'm fast asleep."

"Are you hearing me?"

"I'm living fucking betrayed."

"Living like I'm dead and on my own."

FUCK ABOUT IT

"I like you but I need some space."

"I like you kinda far away."

"It's not that hard to kill a day looking at your face."

"I like you but I need some room."

"It doesn't always stay that way."

"I hate the aftertaste."

"I don't wanna leave you hangin' on."

"But when we fight, it's like a marathon."

"Give me three days alone."

"We can fuck about it later, if you want."

"It's all we really do when something's wrong."

"You don't seem to like it when we talk."

"I guess I'll see you later."

"Because we never fix the problems that we've got."

"You've been at my crib for like the seventh day up in a row."

"You've been doing silly things like checking who I follow."

"I won't lie to you."

"It's like scars on my wrist."

CLOSER

"Nothing stays the same."

"I feel love a different way."

"I got my space, but what did I pay for you?"

"'Cause I love you, or I want to."

"But I don't know how."

"I need to really feel you."

"But we're running around."

"Is it easy now?"

"You only hit me in the evening."

"I need you closer."

"I need it over."

"There's nothing left to let go."

"It's the darkest afterglow."

"Maybe in another life, we can try and get us right."

"You're the holiday I celebrate too late."

"You're the eyes I gave up trying to captivate."

"You're the song I loved but then overplayed."

"I'm the b-side throwaway."

"I hope you never rain on my charade."

"I've been fucked so much that I no longer wait."

"I sabotage and break my own heart just in case."

"Will it kill me in the evening that I let you down?"

NIGHT OUT ON EARTH

"Am I missing out?"

"Am I having fun?"

"Is it just me, or is it everyone?"

"The love I get is virtual."

"Now Jesus hates my guts."

"It's getting personal."

"It's a night out on earth."

"The last one for a while, can't get worse."

"Now if I ever feel jealous, I just turn it into lyrics."

"I turn pain into rain and sing along."

"I wear all my red flags like a cape."

"Life gave me lemons, now I bleed lemonade."

"It gets so fucking hot under all this shade."

"Everywhere I walk's a toxic parade."

"The glove don't fit, but I wear it anyway."

"It's a hell of a time."

"Was I loved, or was I right?"

"Am I gonna go to hell in my sleep?"

"Or will God forgive me?"

"I gotta hide everybody that I like."

"Because everyone I know knows another me."

"It's getting hard to keep track of everything I keep locked behind my back."

"I'm leaving when the night goes."

"I ain't gonna let go."

SNEAKING OUT OF HEAVEN

"When we fuck, it feels like I'm struck by your lightning."

"They say I'm brainwashed, yeah I might be."

"I built a secret room for you."

"Just one more chance to adore you."

"If you're toxic, I'll wear a hazmat."

"Do you think God knows?"

"You've been sneaking out of heaven."

"Were his eyes closed?"

"There's no way He's just letting you fall from the stars."

"I swear to God my heart's gonna pop."

"If I'm not brainwashed, man, I'm trying to be."

"Swallow my shoes and my car keys."

"I don't need those, 'cause I won't leave."

"I'll have to jump the gates when I die."

"Go to my place, and you put away your halo."

[cinememed]

₍ 🎞 ₎   fight club  (1999)  rp  starters  ! featuring violence, explicit language, unhealthy relationships & mature topics . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?

you met me at a very strange time in my life.

i found freedom. losing all hope was freedom.

i want you to hit me as hard as you can.

the things you own end up owning you.

yes, these are bruises from fighting. yes, i'm comfortable with that.

it's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

if i don't say anything, people always assume the worst.

this isn't love, it's sport fucking.

i know everything you do, so if you know then i know.

i no longer have any fear of death. but i am in a pretty lonely place.

i wouldn't feel good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? fine. 

this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

i see all this potential, and i see squandering.

listen to me, i'm giving you a direct order. 

you have very serious emotional problems.

you're sorry, i'm sorry, everybody's sorry, but... i can't do this anymore.

it will hurt more than you've ever been burned before. you will have a scar.

i'm grateful to you. but this is too much. i don't want this.

you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

this is probably one of those cry-for-help things.

you're not getting this back. i consider it asshole tax.

fuck what you know. you need to forget about what you know.

is your life so empty that you can't think of a better way to spend these moments?

start a fight. prove you're alive.

you are too fucking... blonde!

you have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.

all the ways you wish you could be, that's me.

i am free in all the ways that you are not.

i'll bring us through this. like always.

this is your pain. it's right here. look at it.

you are not special. you are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

i'll carry you, kicking and screaming, and in the end you'll thank me.

you can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.

you're not your job. you're not how much money you have 

we are all part of the same compost heap.

you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

when people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you

what do you want me to do? you just want me to hit you?

i don't wanna die without any scars. hit me before i lose my nerve.

on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

every evening i died, and every evening i was born again, resurrected.

nobody takes this more seriously than me. 

i didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better.

why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?

without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.

you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

you have to consider the possibility that god does not like you.

i'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that.

i felt like destroying something beautiful.

everything's far away. everything's a copy of a copy of a copy.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts on TBB 3x15

Here we go... one last time

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Honestly thought I was going to be late to the episode but I actually work up at 8:01 am today so I am just a couple mins behind everyone else.

Am I prepared? Absolutely not.

Well that's an ominous noise. Always a good way to start 😰

The Kiner soundtrack is popping off as usual

I just need Hemlock to die

Indispensable? I'm not sure about that, mate. A lot of people have realised the Empire don't need them and I'm fairly certain you are on the list of people who can be ditched

Hahahahahaha the way the droid just starts looming behind her is kinda hilarious

OMEGA'S THEME 😭

Wrecker, bud, be careful...

Look at Omega sneaking around. She's so grown up! 🥲

ZILLOBEAST TIME

"Because that's exactly what I'd do" He's such a proud mum

THE WAY THE TROOPERS COME FLYING OUT OF THE FOG

"Clone Force 99 died with Tech`' well there goes my heart. I think this also explains why we haven't really heard the Batch theme since season 2. That theme was for CF 99 and if that doesn't truly exist anymore...

"It's what I deserve" CROSSHAIR DON'T DO THIS TO ME

"Echo's handiwork or Omega's?" "Omega's." I'M DYING

Omega's theme in this soundtrack is just 🤌

Oh great. We have a whole group of Clone Xs to contend with.

I just need all of the Batch together so that we can get the theme. I know I said earlier that we probably never got it because of a lack of Tech but I still stand by the fact that we deserve to hear it one last time.

These CX soldiers almost feel like a parallel to the Batch. One slightly larger, more hand-to-hand combat oriented soldier, one who fights with blades, a sniper, ONE WHO IS VERY TECH SAVVY 👀

WRECKER AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS NOT GOOD

NOT THE HAND

WTF?!

HELP

NO

THIS IS NOT GOOD 😰

Fuuuuuccckkk Echo's seen them down

"Causing chaos, Havoc 5?" HE'S STILL MAKING QUIPS IN THIS SITUATION I LOVE HIM

"Hey, kid. And... other kids." PLEASE 😭

"We'll meet you there" YOU BETTER DO

Echo and Omega teaming up is everything I ever needed ❤️‍🩹

Hemlock needs to die a slow, painful death

ECHO'S SPEECH FEELS LIKE THE SPEECH HE AND FIVES GAVE DURING THE ATTCK ON KAMINO I FEEL SICK

Rampart looking sus...

This feels like this isn't going as terribly as it could be and that scares me

Aw ☹️ bye, Nala Se. I never really loved you but it's sad to see you go

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU, RAMPART

AAAAAAAHHHH ECHO GOT STABBED

You know what I said 2 seconds ago about it not being terrible? I think I spoke too soon...

YES WRECKER

I'm not liking the position Echo is stuck in rn. That stresses me out 😥

We're not exactly in top form but hey, an attempt is being made

ECHO BE CAREFUL

Soooo... I get the feeling CX-2 isn't Tech...

AW NO SCORCH

FUCK YES!!! Bye Hemlock 👋

THE LOOK ON CROSSHAIR'S FACE WHEN SHE HUGS HIM AAAAAHHHH

Tarkin is not going to be a happy bunny

Oop we got a Project Stardust mention

THE SHOW ENDING WITH THEM ON PABU??? LIKE AN ACTUAL SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING???

I'm crying

Actually sobbing

That shot of them all sat by the tree 😭😭😭

A FUCKING EPILOGUE KMN

I can't breath

SHE REMINDS ME OF PHEE AAAAHHH

GONKY!!! 🥹

OLD HUNTER?!

Omega is joining the Rebellion? 🥺

Crosshair, Hunter and Wrecker all got to live to an old age in relative peace I'm in so many tears rn

Okay but if Echo isn't with the others at this point then where is he??? PLEASE TELL ME HE'S STILL AROUND

TECH'S GOGGLES?!

I'm not okay on any level

Okay, so overall, I'm relatively satisfied with the ending. I also cried about as much as I would have done if they all died so my emotions are still all over the place. Do I think every question we had came to a satisfying conclusion? Not quite. But I think we tied up enough loose ends for me to be content.

And I'm happy they got a somewhat happy ending. Knowing that they get to live a life in relative peace makes me happy, and we know that Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair at least make it another few years. Omega joining the Rebellion also seems apt. As an Echo girly I unfortunately don't feel quite as secure with where we left off. I don't have the same level of closure that I do with the others because we know that around this point in time, he isn't with Rex. But he also isn't with the Batch either. I hope we get to see more of him in future projects because I don't quite feel satisfied with this being the end of his story. He's doing too much for it to stop there.

Also... we were wrong about Tech. The level of delusion we carried throughout this season, my god. 😭 But it means I'm confused by some of their choices. The way they focused on being savvy with technology, the way he moves being similar to Tech, FUCKING DOMICILE??? Like, they have to have known that we would all go that way with our theories so why??? If it wasn't him they why was he written the way he was? I refuse to believe everything we thought was purely out of delusion. Does this mean I have issues with the way Tech's story ended? Yes. But overall I think the show wrapped up fairly well.

I'll try and drop some more thoughts later down the line once I've pulled myself together a bit, but for now I can say that I am content. Completely satisfied? Not really, but definitely content.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

So, like everyone else, I'm also getting eaten alive by the Arcane season 2 finale. It may even have awakened the Writing Beast from its deep slumber. Some here's some disorganized Jayvik thoughts under the cut:

Where the hell's my "They had us going in the first half" meme? Like, am I the only one who made it through episode 8 and the first half of episode 9 with the sick-to-the-stomach dread that it was going to crash and burn? I'll be honest, I did not think they had the chops to pull this off and yet! I stand gloriously evolved corrected! God damn!

And for that matter, where's my "Why We Have To Break Up/Why We Have To Stay Together/Why We're Getting Divorced/etc" meme too. I think that is warranted. True, Jayce and Viktor never really sell you on the divorce, but I think that just makes it funnier.

I can't fucking believe that hanahaki almost destroyed the universe. Like, that's canon, that's real. That's just what fucking happened, oh my goddddd. Viktor, jesus christ dude.

To be quite honest, I think there is a strongly justified argument that Jayce thought they were in a relationship the entire time. Canon does not disprove this. Think about it, he always refers to Viktor as his partner, he fucking introduces him that way to everyone he meets. If he just assumed that maybe Viktor was ace since Viktor never initiates touch or seems to ask for physical intimacy, he might have just thought this is what Viktor was cool with. Viktor never contradicts or asks to clarify the "partner" title. Jayce also doesn't go out looking for Mel, he kinda fell into it. And he might have assumed that if Viktor had a problem with it, he'd say something. Which in fact echoes one of the main problems in their relationship! Consistently, Jayce thinks Viktor will speak up for himself, for his needs and wants, for when he needs help, because he loves and respects Viktor and believes they are equals. Why wouldn't Viktor come to him if he needed something? Why would Viktor hide from him? And Viktor, equally consistently, literally would rather die than tell you he's dying. He will not, ever, disclose what he wants or needs and it has never occurred to him that Jayce would expect him to say if he needs something. Like, there's blame on both sides for why this fell apart. And they both assumed they understood each other perfectly and what's truly fucked is on an atomically intimate level they do, but on a higher practical, logistical level, they just talk right past each other. Viktor assumes partner only means professionally and Jayce assumes that Viktor would ask. The misunderstanding is literally that simple.

And then think about Skye! My god, she walks into this and takes one look at Viktor and instantly knows what's Wrong With Him™. And, bafflingly, Jayce doesn't! It's painfully clear to her that Viktor is incapable of thinking about anyone besides Jayce, that he's dying and refusing help at every turn, that he's beautiful and brilliant and never ever hears it when people tell him that. She sees all this instantly and, with dawning horror, sees that Jayce carries uncommonly strong affection for him. So how, in the name of all that is holy, has Jayce not noticed? How could he be this blind? And, this Skye probably didn't know, but Jayce is so fucking in love with everything Viktor does and is, he truly doesn't see the problems until it's too late. It's not that he doesn't care, quite the opposite in fact. And poor Skye just sits with that knowledge. It's arguable that she selfishly didn't explain to Viktor, but it's just as arguable, that if she had tried, Viktor still wouldn't have heard her. She knew him very well, I want to give her credit for that.

It's tragic, but also so fucking funny. "Well, I think I'm in a relationship? I call him my partner all the time and we do everything together. He makes me so happy. Pretty sure he's ace tho? And maybe he thinks we have an open relationship? I told him I slept with someone and he just kinda nodded? He looked real pale and sick, but he always looks like that. I dunno, maybe sexual stuff just grosses him out too much. I won't bring it up again. As long as he's happy, I'm happy." vs "Well, my soulmate is currently courting someone else. *painful cough* He's probably drinking with her, kissing her, *hack* making love to her. *spits blood* They're probably in bed right now, all warm skin and soft sheets. *more coughing* He's probably the happiest he's ever been. Much better than taking me to bed. Why would he want me anyway? I'm falling apart. *wracking cough and wheezing* So this is fine. This is fine. I'm fine. *coughs up more blood* I'm Fine." Fucking hilarious.

I love how much they're the same person. The only difference in their perspectives are their life experiences. They're both stubborn as the day is long, single-minded, principled, prone to fixation and overworking, desperate to be of use, to contribute, and utterly useless without each other. They get fascinated by the same things, but will gravitate towards different applications, different ends. They both have strong and meaningful relationships with women that are/were potentially romantic. They're both miserable when they're alone and their thinking will warp without someone to talk to. Loneliness haunts Jayce just as much as it haunts Viktor. It's just that Jayce came from a loving home and people were willing to give him a chance. Jayce learned how to be charming because he was expected to be charming, he had places to go and be charming. Viktor pulled himself out of abject poverty and fought for half the chances Jayce was given out of sheer brilliance and determination. Viktor has always had himself and no one else, he knows what he can do on his own, but his whole world changed when he found someone he could do it with. And discovered there was much more they could do together than he'd ever be able to do alone. There's nothing worse than being alone again after you've found that. They both know this.

Ugh, more later but, sdkfjhskjdhfkjsadfhjksda THEM

[yumeyleo]

i want to die cause im terrified of aging, im scared of getting older, We're dying anyways, everything we do will be pointless in a few several decades. And in the past i would take that as a sign to live life as i want to, but i want to be remembered. But i wont be remembered because i wont make some uber big discovery or write an awesome book or do anything impactful. and im fine with that, ive accepted it. Life is pointless, joys are fleeting, all this world is is a tragedy, that sounds so emo and edgy but fuck itim alwaedy writing so many emberassing things today, im gonna hate myself in the morning ;-;. most of us, we're all dying anyway, some of us faster than others. I wanna die cause im sick of having to do stuff... cause im lazy, basically. i think death is both punishment and a gift. I think i deserve to die for all ive done on this earth, but it'll also be a treat for not being too unaware of my actions. (teh slef awareness makes me better, but also makes me worse) Theres also just this deeprooted (maybe rooted in my soul) (i dont understand souls, i want to, though) need in me to die, to feel death. its been there since day one. i sound so ew omg...i was too busy trying to comprehend how to tell left from right and how to tie my shoelaces to realize it. But anyways, the need in me to want to be hurt worse than all those around me has always been obvious. ive always been a bad person for that. actually, i never comprehended death for a while. when i did i didnt think much of it, until i thought of whats after. I was scared of death because of that thought. Maybe i still am, but now i am okay? to die. i want to find out whats after. why i want to die is something i cant understand myself most of the time, this is the basics. Sometimes i wanna live. I actually hate that i idealize about suicide, id rather just live. i know i have no future though, so ive given up on mostly everything. Its obvious in my academic decline. i wouldve been a smart girl if it werent for all of this, i mourn that i guess. i like my friends, i love them. and i want to live to have more happy and silly moments with them. The happiness i get from them never overpowers the other stuff, i wish they could. Im sad i dont want to live. id really like to live sometimes. its actually frustrating why cant my emo ass just want to LIVE??? i really wish i hadnt stopped being friends with him, but i know what he said wasnt right. im certain he wouldve made fun of me for this

[persepinas]

For day 25 of kinktober, I am sharing a second playlist. This one contains more r&b and slower, sensual songs plus my usual dark and religious blasphemy music. @vampirefest

I give to you:

Vampire fest kinktober, come again. 21 songs.

01) The Weeknd/The Hills

I only love it when you touch me, not feel me

When I'm fucked up, that's the real me

When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe

Hills have eyes, the hills have eyes

Who are you to judge?

02) Sabrina Claudio/Belong to You

It ain't strictly physical but I know that

I wanna lay where you lay

So I think you should fuck with me, yeah

You don't want to take me out the street, yeah

I can give you everything you need, yeah

Need you in my reach, yeah

03) Doja Cat/Casual

Take it off, follow me now

Let me in, don't shut me out

Don't tell me you love me if

That's not how it really is

04) Rihanna/Needed Me

Didn't they tell you that I was a savage

Fuck your white horse and a carriage

Bet you never could imagine

Never told you you could have it

You needed me

Oooh, you needed me

To feel a little more, and give a little less

Know you hate to confess

But baby oooh, you needed me

05) NBDY/Lights Out

When the lights out

I come alive when the nights out

I don't wanna see anymore

I only wanna hear the sounds of, uh

When we make love

Ain't no need to keep the lights on

I'ma fuck you with the lights out

I'ma love you 'til your lights out

06) Halsey/Not Afraid Anymore

I am not afraid anymore

Standing in the eye of the storm

Ready to face this, dying to taste this, sick sweet warmth

I am not afraid anymore

I want what you got in store

I'm ready to feed now, get in your seat now

And touch me like you never

And push me like you never

And touch me like you never

'Cause I am not afraid, I am not afraid anymore

No no no

07) Hozier/Eat Your Young

I'm starving, darling

Let me put my lips to something

Let me wrap my teeth around the world

Start carving, darling

I wanna smell the dinner cooking

I wanna feel the edges start to burn

Honey, I wanna race you to the table

If you hesitate, the getting is gone

I won't lie, if there's something to be gained

There's money to be made, whatever's still to come

08) Ari Abdul/You

Say your name like a ritual

Your body is something spiritual

Oh no

Don't you know you could save my soul

Feelin' your power head to toe

Feelin' your body head to toe

You're so divine

You're in your prime

It's love at first sight

Won't be satisfied

'Til I know you're mine

09) Isabel LaRosa/More Than Friends

My heart's racin' now, I just can't take a breath

I'm catchin' you starin' again

I swear all this shit isn't just in my head

I know that we're more than

Friends, friends, friends

I know that we're more than

Friends, friends, friends

I need

Need your hands on my waist, please

Save me

God, don't let me die waitin'

10) Tazzy/Fantasize (Ariana Grande cover)

I fantasize about it all the time

If you were mine

I'd give this pussy to you, nine-to-five

Five-to-nine

Tryin' to behave, but I'm feelin'

Some type of (Way) way

That just ain't me

11) Lilyisthatyou/FMRN

I got this aching and itching to be in submission

I got this burning desire to set you on fire

Oh, I hope my whole room goes down

You say swallow the fire, I'll choke it down

Say anything when you're around

Say anything and I'll make that sound like

(Make that sound like)

Can you come fuck me right now?

Parents are home, but my bed's too loud

I can take it on the ground

If I get too loud, you can shut my mouth

12) Aaliyah/Rock the Boat

Boy, you know you make me float

Boy, you really get me high

Ooh, I feel like I'm on dope

'Cause you, you serve me on a regular (you serve me on a regular)

Boy, you need to tie this rope

Oh, before we drift any deeper (before we drift any deeper)

Baby, now hold me close

Let's take this overboard now

13) Ashnikko/Slumber Party

My girl look like Wednesday Addams

Eyes go black when she orgasms

Hide your back, she likes to stab them

My butt cheeks, she likes to grab

Matching pajama birthday suits

Her spit tastes just like Juicy Fruit

She do that thing she usually do

Spell my name with her tongue, like (uh)

14) Dove Cameron/Boyfriend

The universe must have divined this

What am I gonna do? Not grab your wrist?

I could be a better boyfriend than him

I could do the shit that he never did

Up all night, I won't quit

Thinking I'm gonna steal you from him

I could be such a gentleman

Plus all my clothes would fit

15) Bad Omens/The Death of Peace of Mind

You're in the walls that I made with crosses and frames

Hanging upside down

For granted, in vain, I took everything

I ever cared about

I miss the way you say my name

The way you bend, the way you break

Your makeup running down your face

The way you fuck, the way you taste

16) CORPSE/E-girls are ruining my life

Choke me like you hate me, but you love me

Lowkey wanna date me when you fuck me (uwu)

Touch me with the lights off and my chains on

Baby, I'm not the right one you should wait on

17) Florence + the Machine/Bedroom Hymns

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

'Cause this is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough

18) King Princess/Holy

Honey, on your knees when you look at me

I'm dressed like a fucking queen and you're begging, "please"

I rule with the velvet tongue

And my dress undone

And I'll get you lost but I'm having fun

Holy, holy, holy, yeah

Holy, holy, holy, holy

19) Imogen Heap/Come Here Boy

I know that my face

Is only too familiar to your sleep

I can see it in your eyes

And I can tell by your body heat

Why are you taking so long?

You need to come and find me, honey

To set your mind at rest

And let your dreams run free

20) BANKS/Godless

I'm into the darkness

That you feel a worse divine

'Cause I felt the power when I laid down by your side

I felt the rhythm, I felt the fever in your mind

I couldn't save you, but at least I say I tried

If your love was ever mine

It would stay with me tonight

I'm praying, praying

You can see it in my eyes

There's a raise that still reminds me

I'm waiting, waiting

21) Paris Paloma/The Fruits

My love, are you the devil?

I would worship you instead of him

I have no time for confession

For I'm too busy committing sins

My love, you're something special

I've never met someone like you

You'd make me fall from heaven

But I know just what I do

Come again? ❤️‍🔥 Spotify link here. 🔥

[abbygirly]

I am COMPLETELY IN LOVE with Chief Hopper (David Harbour) and I decided to put my stories here to share with you guys.

I hope you enjoy it and leave a comment if you'd like to read more!!!

Without further ado, here it's Part I!!!

PS.: Help me give a title to this story!!

Thanks!!!

-Oh my God!! You have a crush on Hopper? - Nancy asked, yelling in my ears.

We were leaving class and waiting for the bus.

-Geez, Nance. Why don't you scream louder so that maybe he'll hear you from the station?

-But, I mean... It's Jim Hopper. He could be our dad.

-You think I don't know that? It's just... I'm sick and tired of hanging out with guys like Steve. They're so immature and stupid. I can't seem to find someone that makes me feel the way Hopper does. He's so manly and sexy, I can't explain. I feel so weak when he's around… it's ridiculous, I know.

-What are you going to do about it? It's not like you can go straight to him and tell him that...

I sighed.

-That's why I didn't want to make a big deal out of this. It's just a crush. It'll never be anything more. Besides he's friends with my dad, so he would never make a move even if he wanted to.

-We're going to find you a great guy that's gonna make you forget all about Chief Hopper.

Doubtful, I thought to myself.

I knew it was ridiculous having a crush on Chief Jim Hopper. Especially because I was still a virgin. He's much older and so much more experienced. I'm sure he likes women who know how to behave with a man like him. But I wanted to know how it would feel to be really desired and I wanted to learn how to please him, but at the same time, what if he laughed at me? I would never get over it and probably get traumatized for the rest of my life.

I couldn't stop wondering what it would be like to be in chief Hopper's arms, his hard body against mine. His big hands on me, touching and caressing me.

My curiosity always gets the better of me. Whenever I see him, my heart races and I get soaking wet. I start thinking about everything I'd like him to do to me. Like spank my ass and make me gag on his hard shaft. I would love to drool all over him and take all his cum in my mouth.

Fucking chief Hopper!

I was starting to get soaking wet and dying to relieve myself when I got home. I shut the door behind me and started going up the stairs when I heard male voices in the kitchen.

-Dad? - I yelled and went straight to the kitchen, only to see Chief Hopper standing in the middle of the room with my dad. He was in his usual uniform, which made him look even more irresistible, if that's even possible. His eyes trailed down my body and I shivered.

-Hey, there she is! - Hopper said, spreading his arms so he could give me a hug.

This isn't happening!!, I thought, as my knees got weaker as he held me in his arms. I fucking love his bear hugs, even though I know he probably still sees me as a young girl. His smell was just.. pure fucking Hopper scent, so manly and sexy, I almost orgasmed right there.

When he let me go, I felt a sting on my chest, like a voice saying: he'll never want you.

-How was school? - dad asked, but all I could think about was tearing my clothes off so Hopper could fuck me right there.

-Abby, I asked you a question.

-Oh… it was… so good… - I answered, practically moaning and Hopper stared, with a half grin on his face and he winked at me. I had to bite my lower lip to stop from saying: For fuck's sake, Hopper. Fuck me now!!

I couldn't. Not yet. Not when my dad is around.

But I wasn't going to give up that easily. There was nothing I wouldn't do to make him mine.

... TO BE CONTINUED.

[wispythreads]

Replaying Mass Effect 1 Thoughts

Prologue (Female Shepard, Spacer, Sole Survivor, Infiltrator, Paragon-ish):

I'm again wishing for a version of events where Nihlus's plan is what actually occurs in the game, through him somehow surviving Saren... he seemed really cool, I really would've liked to have learned more about him.

fuck it's been long enough that the creepy bits of Eden Prime are still fucking creepy holy hell

What do you mean Ashely can't wear heavy armor yet???

Kaidan... Um... *wrapping in bubble wrap* ... *assesses* ... *wraps off one more layer for good measure* let's try to stop you from dying so much, yeah?

The Citadel - Expose Saren:

Preaching Hanar vs. Very Tired C-Sec Turian who cannot understand why anyone would be acting outside a rule-abiding, orderly manner is still such a fun little quick and easy quest. "Bro I get it just take the credits you need for a license."

GarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrus!!!!!

God my Salarian bias is already showing we're barely in this game. Chorban is cute.

Hey a named Turian in this bar can I talk to you? *Attempts to interact, nothing happens* No... ok. *loops around again after conducting business, walks past him* "She left me. Just like that." (said in this most mournful, sad, pathetic voice) Ooooh my god =< (wish I could just. Turn around and give him some company for a bit.)

(Picking up Garrus from the Med Clinic, right after he responds to me asking "Why do you want to take down Saren?") He sounds so mad and so personally offended that he couldn't find anything about Saren during his investigation, I don't mean it in a demeaning way but I want to laugh listening to him.

I get +2 Renegade just because I told Garrus he had a nice shot- y'know what worth it. He did. Yeah it was dangerous but what else was he gonna do? It looked sick and he looked sick doing it.

What do you mean Garrus can't wear medium armor yet?!?!

How often does my poor paragon Shepard wince as total strangers immediately bring up Akuze and how remarkable it was that she survived, while trying to keep her friendly smile now plastered on her face? How uncomfortable it must be, for every new acquaintance to immediately remind you of the worst moment of your life, a moment you’d never want to go through ever again. How often does she have nightmares about it, especially considering how it seems no one will let her forget?

"Holy shit maybe veteran mode has some kick to it. Jesus my poor guys." (The bar fight was. Not great. A lot of enemies coming on either side with minimal cover for everyone. Garrus and Wrex went down fast multiple times before I finally got the hang of coordinating attacks and giving out orders)

Misc. Citadel Quests:

"You're with the Alliance? My brother's a private back on earth!" Hey yeah I remember you hello again :) wait your voice sounds like I've heard it from somewhere outside Mass Effect, where have I- !!! Tandi!! Hello hello!!

She is too close too close there is no need for this personal space personal space back OFF (just. Seizing up all stiff-like and uncomfortable. There is no need for the Consort to get up on me like that while trying to get me to help her.)

I feel bad making Paragon responses during personal talks with Garrus in Normandy. Especially the very first one: "Maybe I'll finally be able to do what I want for a change" being met with such a harsh "If you put innocents at risk than no, we do things the right way, not the fast way, got it?" like… I still have his "I wasn't- yes, Commander." echoing in my head, like that's not what I meant by "maybe." Garrus has a point, sometimes rules get in the way of being able to do the right thing, and as long as we're on the same page about that and respect that there's a reason there are rules in the first place, we're golden.

(Jenna Quest) Chellick getting mad at Shepard and going "with all due respect Shepard what the hell were you thinking?" is 100% appropriate, I was also just head in my hands seeing there were no discreet options for Shepard to address Jenna with. "You could've blown Jenna's cover!" - Me and Chellik shaking Shepard by the shoulders. Garrus you were right with me, why didn't you say something? You should know better!

(Getting flashbacks to the friendzone quickly dragging me into the romance zone like quicksand Kaidan I like you but not like that stop game I chose "Yeah I do talk with everyone like this" don't still make it seem like I'm flirting with the man by adding "I don't always enjoy it with everyone" bro!!!)

Feros:

… Everyone is acting incredibly suspicious around this camp. Me asking for a little bit of information about the colony only to constantly be redirected to speak with the leader about it in either a firm or nervous way… Fai Dan and Arcelia when I say the colonists are acting strange I'm not talking about the obvious PTSD of civilians thrust into a warzone, I'm talking about how no one is willing to look me in the eye and talk to me about the colony they're all a part of, as if they're not allowed to, as if they might let something slip that they shouldn't.

(I completely forgot about the details of the Thorian plot. Thanks brain, for once your terrible memory gave me a benefit, allowing me to relive something cool again.)

Misc. Quests again:

The last two worlds I went on (Amaranthine and the moon Presrop) were both absolutely gorgeous??? I was only there for a short sidequest???

(Finished all the side quests I could find on my own (including Tali + Wrex + Garrus's personal quests) and returning to the Citadel to find the last Keeper needing to be scan/tell Garoth his brother is dead) Ok I've got a lot of equipment and a lot of money. Can I please have some decent armor for Garrus finally so that he stops dying on me? (Morlan's Famous Shop) Huh. Mercenary armor for turians? I wonder what red looks like on Garrus. (buys it, equips it) Holy shit that looks cool!!

I'm very sorry for your loss, Garoth, I wish I could've been the bearer of good ne- I KNEW you were in the Citadel Tower! (Scanned the last keeper. Happy victory music.)

Noveria:

Garrus: Commander, we should bring Liara with us. If anyone would know about her mother, it'd be her. Me: Story-wise, yes, it'd make more sense to bring Liara. But then I'd have to leave either you or Wrex on the ship =( (I'm planning on actually doing a run with my biotic pure paragon m!shephard with Liara and Tali as my designated squad mates later)

"Lorik you are so very fun to talk with :)" Him trying to use a human expression that just doesn't sound right, either because it's one I haven't heard or is just too far off from what he's trying to allude to, "fly in the lotion." Asking me to "try not to get blood on the carpet," commenting about how "humans are so full of questions, I should write a book about it while I've got the time," and ""Let me go?" Do humans view conversation as a form of imprisonment? Maybe that's why so few are willing to stop and sit down…" he's neat I like 'im.

Omfg Anoleis is such a fucking asshole. Salarian bias does still make it very funny to listen to him, rather than upsetting. His fast "Yes, what? What?" as he's being interrupted from whatever business he was doing by his secretary. Him jumping to the conclusion that because I'm a spacer I'm a tax dodger like holy hell dude. Say you're a massive hater without saying you're a hater my god.

After getting ambushed by Geth in the Garage: "Shepard, what did you do?!" ???? "Defended myself?" I love how offended Shepard gets in response we're on the same page like what do you mean, "What did I do???" You think I wanted to be killed by Geth?

Maybe unpopular opinion here but I think it is absolute bullshit that Benevia has to die no matter what. You bring Liara with you? Cool, does nothing. She'll still die, it'll just maybe end up a little more emotional. I don't think enough had happened to really justify her being beyond salvation.

Geth Incursion Side Mission:

Here's the great thing about Wrex: I can be extremely weary and tired and done with the endless waves of enemies, wanting it all to be over already, and then suddenly he'll pipe up with a deep, gravelly, EARNEST laugh and make some comment about how much he's enjoying himself, how much he's going to miss this once the fighting is over, and I'll let the weariness wash off my back and give him a tired smile. Alright. I can handle one more fight.

Virmire:

… (takes deep breath after killing the indoctrinated private Menos Avot that had been pleading to be set free) … He was doomed either way. If I didn't let him out, he'd die in the explosion. It's better to try and save him and be forced to defend myself than to ensure he'd die. It'll be ok.

… I really, really do want to save Kaidan, but that's just… how this goes logically in my head. Ashley feels like she should go with the Salarians, and… and that's a lot more lives that need saving. But god does it suck. How accepting he is of the end. Watching him continuing to struggle against the oncoming Geth, wounded, pressed right up against the bomb that's going to nuke everything around him, watching as the Normandy flies away. And Shepard watching, seeing the explosion for herself. A life she and I chose to die. And the music afterword... it still makes me feel very melancholic and depressed jeez… (the pure!paragon m!shepard will have Kaidan live. I need one playthrough at least that has him survive, even if this path is the one that makes the most sense to me)

Endgame Time Let's Go Woot!

Got myself ungrounded from the Citadel, and I'm endeared by Garrus's little anxious "I can't believe we stole the Normandy…!" Because y'know what, yeah, after I've been playing a very by the book character that he was just a couple missions ago coming around to the idea of and realizing, 'yeah, I am hot headed, and just because it's not the fastest doesn't mean I shouldn't be playing by the rules, I'll get back on C-Sec and become a Spectre,' he has every right to then be asking "After everything you told me… it seems a bit extreme, doesn't it…?" Gosh he wants to be a badass rebel but he is in reality a gosh darn nerd. (said very lovingly)

!!!! AHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! (The reanimated Saren corpse crawling at me on all fours had a. slightly more viscerally horrified reaction than I thought would happen as soon as the game cut from the cinematic back to gameplay.)

Final Thoughts:

I honestly think this game holds up really well for how old it is. There was an annoying glitch on Noveria that made itself known again on Ilos, blocking out interactable objects and moving characters with literal black blocks, but that was an easy fix and didn't effect the actual gameplay too badly.

The art is phenomenal, the combination of artistic choices and lighting and sound design and music scratches that very good itch of what I enjoy about sci-fi. Really great characters, great set up and pay-off in the story, great ending, just a fun time all around.

[bunnakit]

man last twilight hit me particularly hard today and i'm still crying after finishing the episode.

i spent a good chunk of my day at my specialist today and it wasn't great. my disease is getting worse. my weekly shots aren't enough anymore. i'm so tired and i can't stop fucking crying.

my immune system is fucked up, i produce too many white blood cells and those white blood cells have chosen to attack my skin. it leaves me with holes across my body - some of my wounds are now over a year old. when they heal they leave atrophic scarring - but they aren't even healing anymore.

the specialist gasped at the sight of me today. (i'd never seen her before, my state of being was new to her.)

"you're bleeding."

"i know."

"you're bleeding like, a lot."

"i know. i take iron supplements, it's okay."

"it's going to get all over your pants."

"it's okay."

"are you in pain?"

"yes. i'm used to it."

"are you in a lot of pain?"

"yes. it's okay."

she was so concerned, so alarmed, and i couldn't help but just smile and laugh it off. if i don't i'll end up like i am now, sobbing at my desk hidden away from my family because there's nothing they can do for me, they'll just hug me and say they're so sorry, they wish there was something they could do. but there's nothing anyone can do, this is just my life now.

"how often do you take your shots?"

"every friday."

"the recommended schedule for that medicine is once every two weeks"

"yes, they increased the frequency for me because i'm stage 3"

"and you never miss a dose?"

"no, i take it on schedule every week."

"i don't think it's working anymore."

i try to be strong about it, most of the time i am - this is just my life now, wallowing about it isn't going to fix it. i'm stage 3, the only thing that will fix it is a cure, but that doesn't exist yet.

i recently had to buy those washable period underwear because one of my year old wounds just won't stop bleeding and i'm so tired of washing the blood out of my pants. i've gotten so good at preventing bloodstains. (a mix of dawn dish soap, water, and baking soda as a pre-soak works wonders)

i bought an antimicrobial soap in bulk last week to prevent infection. it dries out my skin, but it's not as bad as the diluted bleach baths. i have to start using 10% benzoyl peroxide as a body wash. "do you have a fever?"

"no, i check regularly."

"your wounds are really deep, we're worried about you potentially going septic."

"i'm very careful and keep them clean."

i buy bandages and tape in bulk. my allergic reaction to the tape adhesives are the lesser of two evils. sometimes they get so bad i bleed, but it's just an abrasion. it's okay.

and now i have to take another round of antibiotics that make me nauseous.

and they're changing my medication. i'm 'lucky,' a new medication was approved by the FDA recently that shows good results in reducing the symptoms of my disease. but how long will it be before i don't respond to that anymore?

it's another biologic, an immunosuppressant shot, and i'm sure just like last time it's going to make me so, so sick. adjusting to biologics is so hard, it's not totally unlike low dose chemo (obviously there are differences) and last time it made me sick for weeks.

i don't want to be sick. i don't want to take these antibiotics that make me nauseous. i don't want to keep scrubbing the blood out of my pants. i don't want to use the soap that dries out my skin. i don't want to wear perfume to cover up the smell of my dying flesh. i can't even have sex with my husband. we recently went a year without having sex and i know he understands, he gets it, but i can't help but think part of him resents me. we got together when i was 22, when my symptoms were still mild, i got my diagnosis at 25. i quit my office job and lost my insurance. we eloped at 27 so he could add me to his insurance and i could afford my treatment. his family spent the next year asking why we were in such a rush to get married, we didn't know how to explain to them it was because my doctor was preparing to declare me completely disabled.

i don't want to be in pain anymore. it's been almost 10 years.

i'm okay, i'll feel better tomorrow, maybe even in a few hours, but i can see why people kill themselves over this. i'm so tired. i'm so defeated. i have to hope there will be a cure someday, something better than just pushing down the symptoms.

if you read this far thank you. like i said, i'm fine. i just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings out and i'm bad about talking to my family - they worry too much, pity me too much.

[vulpeskorsak]

Day 17 of Whumptober 2024: Land

No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | “We had a good run.”

AO3 got banned in my country and VPNs have not been working well on my PC lately, so I am not going to post these there for now. But hopefully I can do that at some point.

Alva is a totally different character now compared to the first couple of stories about him in this challenge. I changed him almost entirely from the "radio host found of the supernatural, horror and mystery". He is now a young IT teacher sent to work in a small town who ends up stranded on a strange island with his older fatherly colleague Sean after a fishing trip gone wrong.

This is a story about how they found that island.

--------------

Land

"You know… We had a good run, didn't we?"

Alva nods slowly, looking up at the older man in utter exhaustion. His eyes are dead. He has no desire to open his mouth. Too fucking sick of salty water ending up in it. There is no salvation from this boat. Alva knows he is going to die. He has accepted it and just wants it all to end as soon as possible.

His companion Sean shakes his head at him but does not want to argue. His younger colleague is clearly exhausted and not in the mood. It is understandable. They might die here. Eventually. But they may get rescued. Who knows? He is just bored at this point.

"Alva. You should not be so... negative. We will get rescued eventually! Don't worry… Would you like more of that... uhm... sashimi? Look, I sliced it much thinner this time, just like you told me! ... I think! I am curious if it is actually going to taste any better."

"It might…"

Alva wills himself to sit up. He does not want any more fish but he is curious if there is a difference. Dying can wait.

The fish truly looks thinner. Not what he used eat at Japanese restaurants back when he used to live in the city but still comparatively thin.

Him and Sean both take a piece. They stare at each other for a bit. Neither is sure why. They are bored. And cold. And tired. Looking at each other intensely without explanation is the closest thing they have to entertainment.

That and telling stories but they have been running out of inspiration and ideas.

"Alright. Three… Two… One! Go!"

Alva puts the piece into his mouth, trying his best to enjoy it. It is not horrible. But still the exact same fish they had in the morning. Now even more salty. It might go bad soon, based on the taste.

"Same."

"Same."

They chuckle, though Alva's laugh is more of a subconscious mimicry than genuine amusement. Sean is having fun. He smirks.

"You lied to me again, young man."

"I did not. The fish must be wrong. Or you did not cut it thin enough…"

"I mean... the fish does taste somewhat wrong. We should probably try getting another one…"

"We should."

Alva sighs, looking at their fishing rods. Who knew such a relaxing activity could end up in this disaster? They will probably end up dying on this boat eventually. They will never see land again.

"Alva! I see land!"

Sean grabs him by the shoulders, yanking him around to look behind.

Alva cannot see that far. He thinks he sees a small something on the horizon. He takes his glasses out of the chest pocket of his shirt and puts them on to get a better look.

"Huh…" He says. "It truly is land… IT'S LAND, SEAN! WE'RE SAVED!"

He jumps up to his feet, making the boat sway dangerously at the sudden movement. Fear overtakes him for a second. What if they die because he capsizes the fucking boat? That would be the most stupid way to go. He sits back down carefully.

"Told you we'll make!"

Sean laughs quickly putting away the fish and taking out their emergency paddle, which is just a regular paddle but broken in half, making the handle quite short. Alva flips around rolling up his sleeves and dipping his hands into the water, so he can try paddling a little as well.

The two of them painfully slowly guide their boat to a small island where only a single research station stands empty, waiting for the next group of scientists to arrive in a few months. It might not be the salvation they expected right away, but it is not like they have anywhere else to go.