#it makes me sad because like. she deserves love and validation for who she currently is as a person but obviously kudou is with her to chas

[muichirous]

everytime i think about kowloon generic romance and its latest chapters i get so upset 😔

[elderwisp]

The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕

HIHI thank u for this ask! AHHH this is such a difficult question because i’ll get in these sappy/supportive moods whenever i’m working on certain couple arcs! there are even some that are top secret that are truly some favorites GAHHH. this is how i feel like, genuinely:

i do feel like lately, i hyperfixate on atlas’s relationships. one reason is i’m like in the trenches writing-wise where i’m finalizing some things. then the other is it’s one of those interesting dynamics between either parties that feel complicated but also being able to dissect it and go wow, love is truly versatile! both feel valid in their own ways and were the thing that maybe atlas might’ve needed in the moment. i really don’t have a favorite between the two because they’re both so idk, fulfilling to me. i think it would be neat to go over the relationship between atlas/taryn and atlas/rowan ft a wip pic:

𓆩♡𓆪 Atlas met Rowan in a very transitional phase of his life. There was a lot of uncertainty surrounding Atlas's future and it was truly a time where being a pushover was not working in his favor nor authentic towards any of his needs. Rowan has a knack for identifying someone in pain and gravitates towards it. Where Dan believes Rowan tried to take advantage of Atlas's insecurities, Rowan more so wanted to bring out those deeply rooted thoughts to the surface because why hide who you are? There's power in pain.

𓆩♡𓆪 Part of why I believe Taryn and Atlas's relationship would not be viable as of right now is Atlas is still really picking up the pieces of his tumultuous relationship with Rowan. I feel like break ups can go through the similar motions of grief just on a different scale. There's a lot of bouncing back and forth between anger and sadness, so couple that with his coping method creates a lot of chaos. There's a deeply rooted sentiment in Atlas that there is no way in hell he deserves a relationship with Taryn.

𓆩♡𓆪 Rowan sees a lot of himself in Atlas. The both struggle to really connect with their parents and dislike the concept of control. A desire for independence. They're artists and have an appreciation in self-indulgence. However, there is one huge difference and that's confidence. Atlas is much more insecure than he let's on and that causes a huge rift between the two.

𓆩♡𓆪 The other part would be Taryn's current state. I will start off with Atlas has been a huge influence on not only setting boundaries with people but also encouraging her to share her work, growth doesn't come at an incline but almost a jagged, bumpy mountain. (💀) All that encouragement to be vulnerable (the book, trying to open up her heart to atlas, the mf kids at the library) to be met with constant rejection is pushing her back into this almost hardened demeanor. It takes a lot of courage to open up and unfortunately she's reached her limit to do so.

𓆩♡𓆪 Rowan has always known that commitment to one person can feel incredibly constricting for someone who, well, likes to indulge. So while he absolutely adores Atlas, there's some conflict that arises in the notion of an open relationship. Atlas really struggles to grasp that idea (well less of an idea and more of this is reality baybeee) and it triggers those deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy.

𓆩♡𓆪 I will say Atlas and Taryn do take the longest to get together but it is really one of those scenes that makes me emotional. Seeing how they progress until that moment feels like two terrified people finally finding some solid ground in a world that is always shifting. It feels like the one thing that finally makes sense and Taryn, my god, she can be quite the romantic with her words and gestures.

[my-mt-heart]

I apologize in advance for the rant that's coming your way. If you're seeing this and you're having a good day - you're welcome to skip it.

I'm tired of the whiplash.

Melissa comes back, and then there is a string of articles basically teasing there will be heavy-handed shipbaiting in S2. Then we get a BTS interview, and now there's more to be sad about.

What is the point if the good news is overshadowed every time?

I did not get into this show to "obsess" over superficial characters. I got into this show because of its heartfelt storylines and strong character arcs. Carol and Daryl helped me sift through some dark things in my life, which I am grateful for. It felt nice to root for something precious and one-of-a-kind and funnel hope into two characters who deserved to find their happy ending together. Most people I know are still here because they think these characters deserve better. Ya know what? Because sometimes the world is shite and some days it's hard to find hope. These characters bring hope. And the fans deserve respect (not talking about the ones who were sending hate to actors and/or their families).

The current showrunner, with his contradicting statements, has done nothing but make me feel anxious - even though some of what was said was positive. He has done nothing to win my trust. The contradictions make me think he either doesn't know what story he wants to tell or, worse, he doesn't understand the characters he's working with. If storylines keep getting overlooked, and characters are treated like shipbaiting devices - what's the point of S3?

I'm happy to have Melissa and Caryl back; she's why I have a bead of hope. Her input is the only one I trust at this point. But I have no excitement left to give, and now I have one foot out the door. Until I see something that helps me trust this show again, that won't change.

Bring me a showrunner who understands these characters deeply. Bring me a director who makes room for meaningful stories. Bring me writers who write complex storylines that dive into the psyches of these characters and show us why we fell for them in the first place.

And for the love of all that's good and holy -Bring me strong and powerful female and POC voices. Bonus points for both.

I'm tired of watching POC characters get turned into walker fodder or shipping devices. I refuse to invest in a show where the characters I fell in love with get treated with callousness and shoved into storylines that don't honor them.

I'll simply find something else worth my time. Because you see, I know that my value isn't intrinsically attached to this show and the direction it takes. Sorry about the rant. It's one of those days. Peace be with you.

You don’t have to apologize for how you’re feeling. Everything you said is completely valid and to be honest, it’s where I’m at as well. Having Melissa back is amazing, and I know she has input, but it feels like she and her fans are still being punished. The lead actor reduces us to “obsessed” parasocial shippers, the current showrunner doesn’t acknowledge we exist let alone understand what Carol’s/Daryl’s/Caryl’s story means to us, “The Book of Carol” is being left out of promos, that and Melissa’s name aren’t in the casting calls. How can I trust the show to honor a narrative about a woman beating the odds time and time again when business practices show the opposite? How can I subscribe to AMC+ for a show called "Daryl Dixon" knowing it represents white male privilege 🤷🏻‍♀️ We need leadership to not only give us the heartfelt storylines and deep character arcs that we want, but also to uphold our core values, to nurture, not insult, our intelligence, and to give the lead actress the respect she deserves. That's why I think Melissa should get to choose the new showrunner.

[leighlew3]

For some reason I couldn’t send the link of this post but I could download the picture and send it (hopefully)

This is what I was references in that ask to you lol

Ah. And... yeah. A painful and unnecessary creative choice.

Look, overall I'm loving Picard, despite quite a few issues with some creative choices and contradictions, because this nostalgia is incredible and so appreciated and being able to witness these characters in action again has been WONDERFUL.

That being said... well, I'm about to launch into a ramble.

Buckle up, and keep reading if you'd like...

Picard had an ICONIC legacy female character in an interracial wlw relationship with a dynamic new Black female character -- both women over the age of 50 no less, an amazing thing to explore on screen -- and it worked. And so many fans loved it and felt represented and thrilled to kingdom come. And it fit with the Star Trek brand of inclusion and acceptance in a modern society. It also made Voyager fans of 25 years feel vindicated and seen, having Seven not only confirmed as sapphic, but actually exploring it on screen and finding love, even if a "happy ending" for Seven was never in the cards for many reasons, they could have explored why instead of just sweeping it under the rug off screen and reducing it to one awkward glance between them, a joke from Worf, and that was it. Seven and Raffi deserved better. Queer fans deserved better.

Alas, they tossed it in the trash for no valid reason at all, and at the worst possible time in our current social and political landscape of an outdated and frighteningly dangerous resurgence of homophobia, transphobia, etc. Life imitates art, and art imitates life. And thus, now we see conservative-run media companies catering again to the vocal, hateful little groups and extremist far right fear mongers. There is a very obvious bias of late again against LGBTQ content (especially wlw due to the frightening rise in misogyny yet again lately) across nearly every channel and streamer and studio.

For that matter, even beyond LGBTQ stories, there's also a significant reduction in the exploration of ANY sexuality on screen across the board lately, even for cishet couples. We somehow went from Hollywood being absurdly and unfairly exploitive towards women and putting actors in uncomfortable and unnecessary situations, to some sort of bizarre, puritanical, utterly sexless exploration of romance on screen. And even a reduction of romance entirely in many cases, for that matter. We went from one extreme to the other, and it's absolutely nuts.

Anyway, back on the topic of Picard, the two actresses who previously were captains of the ship and ALL about the pairing have since seemingly now had to backtrack, make excuses for this bizarre decision, or just not speak on it at all. And that's beyond sad.

And again, it makes me concerned that if Seven does get her own spin-off or is a part of a new spin-off again, they'd likely not include Raffi nor explore Seven being with women further. Which would just be LITERALLY going backwards in time to the days of Voyager where many (not all) straight male fans tried to claim her as theirs and theirs alone while reducing her to just "the hot Borg in a cat suit" even though everyone else knew she was three dimensional as hell, one of the best written and acted characters in franchise history, and inherently representative of the LGBTQ community.

Anyway, I really really hope they prove me wrong and Saffi get a satisfying ending in this show, and if nothing else, even if they don't have a future together in other series, any other shows at least continue to embrace Seven's pansexuality. It's important.

Alas right now my trust in creatives in the TV space who are under the pressures of conservative-run media conglomerates... is limited. Even once seeming allies are showing sides to themselves lately that are... concerning, to say the least. People who previously would tell incels to F' off, and weren't afraid to stand up to and block phobes on Twitter are now blocking queer fans for just asking "WTF?" about queer favorites being sidelined or ships being tossed in the trash. People who previously seemed to truly see and value queer fans are now bordering on just using them for clicks and stringing them along on likely hopeless efforts regarding show survival. And people who actually do mean well and usually stand up loud and strong for LGBTQ audiences are suddenly growing very, very quiet if not even in some cases TURNING on their queer fans entirely as TPTB remove more and more wlw content from airwaves and streamer services.

It's all very disheartening. As a writer who has had this conversation so often with producers and executives, I GET IT. The fight is NOT an easy one. And most the time inclusion efforts are flat out shot down. But it feels like so few people are walking the talk anymore. People who capitalized heavily on LGBTQ characters and ships and fans for a few years when it was hot are now turning their backs when the going has gotten rough. And that's frustrating for us all.

But, the good news: these things are often cyclical. So if everybody can hang in there, stay strong, and fight the good fight online and IRL, rock the VOTE, etc and drown out the hateful voices that want the LGBTQ community silenced or worse, then I believe we can set (or force, in many cases) the misguided, fearful, extremist-rightwing-catering media companies back to the proper side of history.

[most-canon-non-canon-ship-poll]

I, the poll runner, made this poll because they suck that much

Why Mileven is shit - a submission-based essay, part 3/3

Mileven - a currently canon het ship from the Stranger Things fandom between Michael (Mike) Wheeler and Jane (Eleven) Ives/Hopper/Byers/IDK

This doesn't mean she will never have another relationship, it doesn't even mean she is "alone" while other people are in relationships (although personally I think there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship tbh... some people need to unpack this). It just means that she reclaims the power to decide if and when she will give love to someone again, a choice she's never really had. As for Mike, I believe his low self-esteem and what makes him feel so different is his feelings for Will which have steadily stepped out of platonic more and more as time has gone on, and THAT is the truth that is hard to admit, not his apparent love for El that she has been begging for him to say. Mike and Will are written so perfectly as a romantic duo that it is wild to me that anyone would ship Mike with anyone else. Mike deserves more than to be a shitty friend and El's boyfriend (because if he really does just love El, then his actions are just him being mean and weird with no cause or explanation, which I can't imagine is the case), Will deserves more than to be the sad gay in unrequited love who only suffers, and El deserves more than to be some boy's "superhero" who is loved for what she can do more than for who she truly is. She deserves to shake the shackles of male control, and yes... Mike unfortunately falls into this due to his feeling responsible for El's wellbeing because of the unfortunate circumstances they met under. Plus he's, in my opinion, fallen even harden into this parentified role in Hopper's absence (those parallels are insane too, don't even get me started). Anyway, all that to say... Mileven is an objectively bad ship that doesn't fit with the story Stranger Things is telling. It doesn't serve any of the characters involved in a positive way, and Byler is a significantly more touching and well-built couple. Personally, even the argument that El will be "crushed if they break up" doesn't really carry any weight. It's clear that she has already hurt so much IN THE RELATIONSHIP, so ending it just seems like the logical next step (and I'm among the people who believe she wanted to break up at the pizza place tbh). Why should she stay with someone who can only love her in life-or-death situations? Why should Mike be with someone who makes him feel worthless or not enough or like his personal experiences and struggles aren't valid? Why should Mike and El settle for a relationship that takes so much work but makes them both ultimately unhappy (it's giving Karen a d Ted). Why should Will just accept that in a world of demogorgans and alternate dimensions and telekinetic lab children, the craziest and most unlikely thing is a queer boy like him finding requited love with the person who makes them feel better for being different and encourages them to fight on? I just don't think the writers are telling that kind of story. I love El, Mike, and Will... I hope they will get a beautiful ending. To me, a beautiful ending would include Mike and El mutually caring for each other enough to admit that their relationship is not good for either of them as El deserves to be loved and needs time to heal, and Mike deserves to embrace his truth and his own feelings without feeling insignificant or unlovable (and ultimately be rewarded for embodying one of the show's core themes: that forced conformity is bad, you will never feel gratification or happiness by pretending to be something or someone you're not, it's okay to be a "freak" and it's okay to be different and to rebel against the limited, restrictive forms of "happiness" society pushes. After all, forced conformity is one of the real villains in this show, as clearly stated!)

[hoghtastic]

What was actually agreed upon why he canceled the fan convention? He's just now flying to New York and seemed to have a lot of free time in Copenhagen. He did a small thing for Isaac Productions but that didn’t seem too time consuming either.

I'm curious whether Johanne will fly to him and whether he will stay there until his birthday. The script doesn't look particularly thick, I don't mean that in a shady way, it just appears that way. For me, Alex has an extreme problem with being alone and since Johanne is obsessive and loves the new opportunities and attention from him anyway, I can hardly imagine them staying apart for longer than two weeks or that Johanne would waste the opportunity to post New York Instagram content and make new connections. I would like to thank our admin for all the work she’s doing. I mean every single day you’re replying and reacting to asks, that’s actually work and it’s not like Alex deserves promotion anymore. It truly feels like you’re doing this for „us“.

Everything we discuss here doesn't matter anyway. It's really like a round of girls shit chat. Alex does what he wants anyway and that's what he should do. Johanne is a psychopath who gets what she wants anyway and sometimes it helps to endure this misery if you can laugh at this nonsense.

Alex communicated to us over many years that he had a certain mentality that we identified with. That's why we remained loyal supporters of him, it wasn't just his appearance. To the fans who say you have to separate him from his girlfriend and that it should only be about him, I have to say that doesn't work. Because Johanne symbolizes exactly the mentality that some of us may see as the exact opposite of what he communicated to us for many years. In addition, the couple-content is overwhelming anyway. She has completely taken over him. So you can no longer support him without having to support them too and it’s not like we had any acting we could enjoy of him.

I see this blog like an outlet to point out their bullshit because no one else is doing it. I also can't imagine that many of us will stay if he proposes to her or she gets pregnant, because then Johanne will feel so safe that Alex won’t leave her that she will market every aspect of their private life in an influencer way on Instagram and I don't want to see that, I'm not into that same old whole influencer "my past ist sad but my world is so perfect now" crap. And now let me show you these earrings. Tag tag tag.

Hello, dear anon! 😊 Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts on these matters! In my opinion, you made a lot of valid points and explained the current state of the fandom perfectly!

As for your initial questions, nothing was ever confirmed, but it surely seemed like he cancelled the convention to spend time with Johanne — considering she also cancelled her show for the same day and her understudy took her place, and they later posted about having a date night. Even if the events were unrelated, their timing to post about such date on social media surely didn't do them any favors. 😅Regarding Johanne joining him in NY and staying with him until his birthday, I think it's unlikely, because she'll be busy with Askepot until June 9th, and the most free days she will get between shows are 3 days. But who knows? Maybe she'll visit him on one of these occasions? 🤷‍♀️ We shall wait and see. 😊

Last but not least, thank you so much for your kind words!!! 🥰 And for understanding what this blog is truly about — a place for "girls talk", uncensored and fun. It wouldn't be what it is without all your thoughts, opinions & jokes, so it has been my pleasure to be here with all of you! 💖

[thesinglesjukebox]

MITSKI - MY LOVE MINE ALL MINE

(Mostly) Our Love Ours All Ours

[7.64]

Ian Mathers: Critical support for maybe our greatest current musician, who keeps the really key things in mind. Namely, never releasing a record that crosses the 33-minute mark. Sure, it's more important that this beautifully intense murmur of a song hits me square in the heart in ways that are too personal to articulate here right now, but I don't want to lose sight of the 33-minute thing either. [9]

Andrew Karpan: Sugary and alive, Mitski deserves this, a hit record that will likely be remembered as the millennial answer to "Fade Into You." Or, as Mitski says it best, in a marketing appearance promoting the song for the Genius brand, "to love is truly the best and most beautiful thing I ever did." [10]

Nortey Dowuona: Mitski is apparently a star now. For several years, she made earnest, plaintive songs which were received by a small but willing audience who was delighted to feel the same way as a generational talent who could sincerely speak to them. Then, by Be The Cowboy, she blossomed into a star, something more than a person who made earnest plaintive songs, a massive ball of heat and light who shone so brightly she couldn't see anything anymore. And of course, she tried to return to being at the very least a white dwarf, but supporting a solar system is so tied to the fact of being alive and being an artist that exploding and erasing the ties that bound her could not be done by deleting Twitter. Mitski, just like the sun that spins the planet on which I wrote this word, was not going to implode because it was valid for her health, her ability to live with being a creator of life would return. And eventually she would return to music as well, creating this slight, barely there country ballad about the possessive nature of her love. The sun loves us just as much as Mitski loves you and could exist without us too, but who would behold its beauty? Not Genius, that's who. [9]

Hannah Jocelyn: This song floated by without incident on first listen to The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We - songs like "The Deal" and "I Love Me After You" were more impressive to me, for its reconciliation of Mitski's claustrophobic distortion with her more traditional songwriting. Then it went stratospheric on TikTok then it went stratospheric everywhere. Maybe it's because the unassuming quality made it perfect as background music, maybe because it's two minutes; it might also be really damn good. The qualities that make Mitski so beloved are still there, especially her unpredictable chord progressions and intensity -- she can't go through a love song without a line as theatrical as "nothing in the world belongs to me." Yet there's no self-sabotage or dissonance; it's just plainly beautiful and timeless. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: She's always tended towards the jazzy and dirgelike, but this is Mitski in peak form: the lyric is a sketch exquisitely rendered -- while on Be the Cowboy, she wrote short stories in her stanzas, this is something even more skeletal, a narrative embedded within the slightest of narrative shifts. Patrick Hyland's production work has always worked to accentuate the more subtle accomplishments of Mitski's music; here he outdoes himself, taking what could have been an overly fussy mid-century torch song and allowing it to breathe with a certain country plainspokeness. And yet I do not love "My Love Mine All Mine" quite as much as I want to love it -- it feels like a song that answers all of its own questions from an artist that does her best when she leaves more open to interpretation. [8]

Vikram Joseph: There's really nothing wrong with what Mitski actually gives us here - a tasteful, timeless-sounding ballad, smooth and crystalline with pedal steel melting into the scenery. I think I just miss the angst and dissonance of her older work - even when Modern Mitski sounds sad, she's sad in an oddly arch way which sounds like she's three degrees of separation from the actual sad person. As a pathos-laden expression of dedication, "My Love Mine All Mine" at least works better than "Me And My Husband", a song I will never be able to take seriously, but it does very little for me. [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Mitski is better when casual poignancy isn't the point. Her best songs steamroll over you, be they big or small, sad or extra sad. "My Love Mine All Mine" finds a nice Goldilocks zone to secure her a hit, but this lovely ballad is simply just that. [4]

Alfred Soto: I like Mitski when she gets sinister or worried over programmed beats and yards of guitar. This synth-country landscape flattens her like it did Jenny Lewis and Kacey Musgraves. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: The Nashville instrumentation is just decoration. And the TikTok virality is misleading (or not, if you ignore the conventional wisdom that everything that blows up there is memeshit). On Be the Cowboy, Mitski's music began a slow arc toward Jerome Kern balladry and songbook standards, and "My Love Mine All Mine" continues the drift. What she loses in visceral emotion, she gains in haunting lineage. [8]

Tara Hillegeist: "Lynchian" is an adjective applied to excess most often in film, rather than music; Mitski's career provides ample food for thought as to the reasons for such a disparity. The birthing pangs of her current style were anything but as simple, as many of her past musical compositions often aspired to be -- to pack such naive melodies with enough antic heartache that one's ribcage bears the internal bruise is an aspiration that can easily go awry and leave one stranded in the land of the maudlin and mawkish, rather than piercingly insightful, and there's more than a few examples of both littering Mitski's back catalog by now. But to listen to "My Love"'s almost lysergic deployment of a swooning orchestral blush; the way Mitski's voice ripens almost to rotting with that obsessive slow-dance of a chorus ... this is music for the bugs to pick clean an American corpse to. Angelo Badalamenti would be proud. [9]

Tim de Reuse: Dripping with Nashville cash, Mitski's pathos no longer derives from a plucky indie-upstart unpredictability. There is no unsteadiness in her voice anymore; she chews the microphone to sing about the end of her life, wishing only for a symbolic, cosmic victory. Here she plays a ghost, or a corpse, preserved in a glossy, gelatinous mix, and barely able to raise her voice above a casual mutter. It's gorgeous, and also deeply unnerving. I didn't know Mitski could do unnerving. Even in death, she surprises. [8]

Jonathan Bradley: A twilit romantic slow jam that draws cozy darkness as literally from its slow organ drift and sepia pedal steel as it does its actual moonbeam lyric. This is comfortable terrain for Mitski, whom I picture composing every one of her songs while driving along a rural road on a dark night, but there's no shame in repeating yourself if you're good at it. [7]

Brad Shoup: In my household, "My Love Mine All Mine" is most notable for getting Caitlin Rose into the Top 40. She's only here on vocals, but her ethos -- cozy existentialism that uses the pedal steel like a flashlight -- is all over this. This may not be as distinctive as, like, the plaintive noise-pop of "I Don't Smoke." But the sway is still the same. And her impossible requests are just as devastating. [8]

Oliver Maier: Sometimes I don't think I know how to write about music. I think everyone who tries it has probably felt that way at some point, some sense of the inadequacy of their words, the impulse to throw up their hands and say "just listen to it" (complimentary) or "just listen to it" (derogatory), because what do you say about a song that it doesn't say itself? What an extraordinary act of arrogance to attach yourself to something someone made and try to explain it to anyone, however careful or empathetic you are in doing so, however many times you qualify your opinion. I imagine this anxiety probably lurks in some form, in some place, inside everyone who has tried to do this stupid, circuitous, fucking frustrating thing. People like to talk about things, though. It feels good to do, like a magic bridge that you can feel forming between yourself and someone else when they articulate something that was inside you too. I listened to this song non-stop for a week when it came out, and I barely know what to say about it. I think it's wonderful. Just listen to it. I feel very emotional thinking about Mitski and the path of her career in a way that makes me a bit embarrassed. I feel very emotional hearing her sing about the fundamental, indissoluble value of a feeling that she has, only holding it, not needing to clutch or cradle it, letting its light seep out from between her fingers. I find it so moving to hear someone who has -- largely unwillingly, it must be said -- become a symbol of self-pity and depressive angst sing with such easy generosity towards themselves. It's hard when you are so used to seeing a magic bridge between yourself and another person collapse, or perhaps when you rarely see it built at all, to reserve some dignity for the silly, hopeful part of yourself that keeps seeking out planning permission. Just listen to it. What an extraordinary act of arrogance to attach yourself to another person and think they could see you and think about you the way that you do them. Sometimes I don't think I know how to be in love. I'm going to keep trying anyway. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[ruminate88]

So, was my love just a joke joke? ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I know, especially in my last relationship, I am the one who broke up with him, but I was seemingly the only one upset and crying. I was the only one seemingly hurting and suffering somehow while he’s had so many girls all this time that he already has a new girlfriend so easily, and I felt like he was off with her laughing in the wind never looking back, as if I was some joke to him …

The truth is, that boy needs so much attention and validation at all times because of his deep childhood wounds and emptiness, the loneliness… It’s not that he’s off with another girl because I was a “joke”, it’s because he literally can’t be without a relationship. It all makes sense now but back then, I really took it sooooo personal and I was just so disgusted and frustrated and confused!

how could someone be with me for more than a year and then when the relationship is over, it’s just over. There’s literally no remorse heartbreak sadness or nothing for me and it’s as if I was nothing. It’s like, did I even exist? All these years, I still battle my mind in thinking IF I was a joke but reminding myself that he just constantly needs to be with somebody and even when he’s in a relationship, he still needs all the attention around him from multiple people 24/7.

it’s nothing to do with me, but it’s still affects me and impacts me even if it was never about me, which is weird, but it’s truth. They only mistreat you because of how badly they feel inside of themselves and they’re trying to make themselves feel better all the time and they never do and they continue to hurt people. sadly, I was so jealous of his new girlfriend! I didn’t even know her. I didn’t know how long he had been talking to her. I had the feeling that our relationships had overlapped, and that sucked for me knowing that while he’s promising me that he wants to be with me and doesn’t wanna break up, that he’s probably telling other girls that he loves them too, and what the heck? I was giving him my entire heart and planning my whole life with him and it doesn’t matter if it’s right, doesn’t matter if it’s fair, doesn’t matter if I deserved it or not. It happened and I can’t take it back. My ex can’t take it back either, nor can he change what he’s done. So I have to forgive him and move on.

There is a part of me that says it should not hurt anymore. It should not bother me. I should accept all of it and move on. The thing is, it’s shocking to you when you are totally trusting someone and building a life with them, only to realize that you were building it all by yourself the whole time. They were never building alongside you, they were just using you for the moment to fill the void inside of them, that is seemingly never filled with them and it’s not just you, no one is enough for them.

No matter if they really meant it or not, they made you feel like a joke and so you’re constantly worried if other people are doing it too. When do you trust that someone actually likes you and wants you in their life? In the back of your head you’re always telling yourself, “ I am not stupid! They will not pull one over me!”. You are constantly on your guard and defensive towards people because you never want to feel that kind of pain again that you felt when the person you trusted and loved, abandoned you and left you sitting in the dust all by yourself to wonder what you did wrong.

These are real feelings!! You feel them and you are not alone! You are not the only person to ever be betrayed by somebody you love. I know it hurts you so much. I feel it and I am with you. I know that we are healing and I know that we are going to be OK and I know that it sucks for you and I’m sorry that it does and I’m sorry that it happened to you. I’m sorry that it happened to me too…. I don’t regret my ex and I think about him all the time!!!!!!!!!! I wonder is he hurting his current relationship?? Is he abusing her and does she know it? Does he feel love with her? Also telling her that he’s not worthy of her love, the same way that he told me over and over? I doubt he’s alone because he never is. I’m sure that he’s in a relationship of some sort and probably is with more than one girl right now. I have so many mixed emotions about him. I want him to be happy and healthy, but I feel sad that he couldn’t be that way with me. I feel so sad that I couldn’t make him happy… I can accept if it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe our lives don’t match well. Maybe we were meant for different paths. Idk what there is to hold on to. The pain he caused me was just so unreal and deep. Does he have any idea how badly he hurts people????? (Can he even care though?) ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[belog-grada-crna-princeza]

3 am.

saw someone write you can be both cynical and happy and it did something to me. ive been fighting inside my own head between my little girl self who saw the world so full of wonder and romance and this bitter suspicious and guarded adult. (ive officially turned into my dad). and let's not forget the pissed off defiant and rebellious teenager i used to be.

i did an exercise with my therapist last week where i am supposed to integrate all these parts into myself and it was actually crazy. in the exercise you imagine this table where you invite anyone who wants to come in to sit at. four different versions of myself showed up plus the current adult one. there was me at five, at 10, at 15 and at 17. they all felt like strangers to each other. the 17 year old talked first, she was angry, she was untrusting and she was argumentative. but actually she was so fucking sad that i betrayed her and became everything she despises. she saw it as me leaving her, telling she's wrong like everyone else did, in order to be a part of their world. the 10 year old was desperate for my approval, she just wanted me to like her, to tell her she's good enough. she was sort of fascinated by who i was and she felt proud of me even though i know i didn't become so many of the things she wanted. it didn't seem important. she thought i was cool and wanted me to think she is cool too. the third one was the five year old. she was jealous that she was left to be third because she wanted to be first. she wanted me to leave the others because they're annoying and go play with her. then our time was up and i found it interesting how maybe the saddest, most hurt one, the 15 year old me didn't even get to speak. invisible, forgotten, unnoticed, as usual. my therapist commented how all these versions were sort of hostile and demanding towards me. i laughed and said yeah. what i didn't say was how hostile and demanding everyone in their lives had been towards them. i didn't mind handling their hostility and demands because it didn't happen often that they could express those things and be safe in doing so. i could handle the fucked up emotions and resentment. maybe the hardest was the adoration from the 10 year old which i felt i didn't deserve. that girl saw the best in everyone and i just felt i let her down.

but, going back to, can you be both cynical and happy. i'd say yes, because you are never only one thing anyway. we are all too complex. the denial of any part of ourselves just makes that part scream out that much more. you must try and see all of them and let them exist within you without swallowing your whole being. you must both let them free and keep them at bay. when you know your "demons", you know they are not demons at all. they are just the parts of you that need you the most. if you hate them, they rebel. if you accept them, they are the most loyal mf's you'll ever know.

maybe i'll stick it out with this therapist for a while, even though i am sort of annoyed by some things. maybe i am looking for a perfect human being or maybe i am lying to myself because i just don't have the energy to keep looking and be disappointed again. my old therapist was so validating and deep, i felt she could talk with me about things so few people could even comprehend. i have to say often i felt she really got my way of thinking. but then there was no real resolution of anything and i got tired of knowing everything i knew and nothing about what i should do with it all. this new woman isn't great at the talking part and i sometimes feel like i am speaking a different language than she is. but she loves the exercises and shit and it's actually been helpful every time. i feel different and changed on an emotional level when we do them. i wish i could combine my old therapist and the new one into one person lol. but maybe this is just a next step. maybe the final destination will be when i realize i am perfectly whole on my own. i don't even know what the goal of therapy is, if not going back to yourself and getting back all the parts of you that outside events have forced you to cut off. surely it's too megalomaniac to think you will ever be above needing others and i don't think that's what i even want to strive toward. i think we need to lean on others and have them lean on us.

i guess my goal is just that: wholeness. or getting closer to it. growing into my own skin instead of constantly wanting to jump out of it. seems like an alright goal, really.

[princelyhelp]

bestie you have such good taste in webcomics give us some recs

OH MY GOD FINALLY!!! SOMETHING IM GOOD AT!!! okay so, a lot of stuff i read are queer webcomics ( specifically with gay men bc majority of the webcomics that are online and actually GOOD,,,, are about gay men ). anyways, here's a list of my favorite webcomics and where to read them.

omgcheckplease by ngozi: a webcomic written by a black woman aka my literal role model. omgcp is about a gay man named eric bittle who gets a hockey scholarship at samwell university. we watch eric learn about being a fratbro, coming in terms with his identity, fall in love, and become confident in playing hockey. it’s really cute and completed!! homophobia isn’t a huge part of the plot ( thank god ), like it’s there but the webcomic isn’t about the homophobic world. it’s just about bitty and his baking vlogs <3

tripping over you by suzana harcum: LITERALLY MY GO TO WEBCOMIC WHENEVER I’M SAD!!! CURRENTLY ON MY FOURTH REREAD. about liam and milo who are basically high school sweethearts and their lives from their last year of high school to their first year of college. deals with depression, disconnect between children and parents, divorced parents who still argue, arguments that happen in a relationship, and just finding yourself after turning 18/19. my favorite part of this webcomic is def the wedding scene bc i love love ( despite being aromantic ). 

heartstopper by alice oseman: YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I WAS GONNA ADD THIS!!! everyone knows of this webcomic bc it’s so popular out of the three. literally makes me so happy and i relate to the characters a lot ( especially when it comes to my mental health and how that affects me on a daily ). gonna cry when the netflix series drop 

autophobia by g.h.s.t: sobbing, i love this. i think i have a thing for webcomics that deal with depression,,,,, probably bc i can relate to all of them AOGPIOAJGAOIGA also a gay love story but with high schoolers learning more about themselves, friendships coming to an end, learning to love and trust yourself again. it’s cute but also so sad. also if you talk shit about the artwork,,, i’ll throw a brick at you 

magical boy by the kao: OMG!!!! LITERALY!!! AMAZING!!! LOVE MY MANS KAO!!!! it’s a webcomic about a transman who comes from a long line of magical girls who protect the world from monsters. you can read it on tapas but you would have to pay ( VALID DO IT!!! IT’S SO GOOD!!! ). please be aware because the webcomic deals with the main character’s identity and his transphobic town and mother ( the dad is amazing, supports his beautiful son ). it’s still a huge rec

demon house by joanne kwan: this webcomic ended and im still not over it. literally a girl moves into this house with demons and it’s just her friendship with them. it’s also the first webcomic to truly draw angels how they REALLY look, which made me so happy. cried when it had to end. still crying over it OAIGJAIOGJAIG

the flying ship by jem milton: BEAUTIFUL, 10/10, I LOVE FOUND FAMILY PLOTS!!! it’s that diverse fantasy webcomic that we all need and deserve. the main character has a disability, another character is genderfluid, IT’S GAY!!!!! please read it, i need more people to read it. also the main character is written beautifully and doesn’t let their disability stop them from kicking ass ( bc people seem to think that disabled people cannot do the same shit as able bodied people )

lady knight by lion illustration: on webtoon and it’s truly amazing! about a bunch of 15 y/o who are training to become knights to beat up the darkness or whatever. but there’s a twist bc the main is a woman and usually, the knights are men but she was chosen. love her and her two best friends, ot3!!! 

hooky by miriam bonastre tur: I REMEMBER READING THIS WHEN THE VERY FIRST CHAPTER GOT DROPPED!!! about twin witches who missed the bus to their witch boarding school so they go to some random guy’s house to learn magic from him. starts off cute and silly before becoming dark and twisted. i sobbed when this ended, i’m still crying. 

other recs that i won’t go into details about: hooves of death, miss abbott and the doctor, lil char and the gang, midnight poppy land, LMLY, heir’s game, tower of god, boyfriends, space boy, siren’s lament, where tangets meet, always human, your letter, the girl from class, elena, for the sake of sita, matchmaker hero, kids are all right ( you will cry ), annarasumanara, and the stories of those around me

[januarymoreau]

alright so I know literally no one cares about this but it’s my social media I’m doing what I want /lh

I’ve been seeing a lot of slander about justin russo on the internet lately and I’m currently hyperfixated on wizards of waverly place so here’s why justin is an awesome character/doesn’t deserve the hate he gets

He’s kind and treats those he loves well. Justin is canonically really good at comforting people. Although he argues with Alex a lot, at the end of the day, he’s also her older brother and genuinely cares about her. When Professor Crumbs threatens to take Alex’s magic away because she doesn’t turn her report card in, Justin says that Crumbs will also have to take his magic away. Justin is ultimately selfless. We see again and again the sacrifices he makes for Alex and I think we mainly see his kindness in that relationship. Despite that, I think he’s also notably kind to Juliet. When he finds out that he made the mistake of reporting Juliet and her parents, he instantly tries to fix it. Not only does he try to fix it, but he puts his job as Monster Hunter in jeopardy for Juliet and her parents - her parents haven’t even been that nice to him. Justin is ultimately selfless and at the end of the day, he sacrifices himself or what he wants for others. When Rosie turns back into a good angel, instead of selfishly continuing to date her and keeping her in the mortal world (which he could have done - she literally offers to stay with him), he gives her up because he realizes the world needs a guardian angel more than he needs a girlfriend. Even though it hurts because he loved her, he gives her up. There’s no “award” for doing this - he won’t move up a level in the wizard competition, he really won’t get any recognition for giving Rosie up. He doesn’t even get any recognition for turning the moral compass back to good. He does it because it’s the right thing to do. Although later I’ll argue that Justin is constantly seeking validation, I also think that the heroic/good things he does are often done with no expectation of being praised for it. He does them because he has a strong sense of morals. He’s also kind to Harper, Zeke, his parents, and even Max, who people rarely ever show kindness to in the show.

He’s in touch with his emotions. When the show starts, Justin is very against anything that will show him as feminine or emotional. In fact, he even says he’s allergic to emotions (or something like that) to cover for the fact that he’s crying over his missing dog. As the show goes on, we see Justin start to embrace and accept his emotions more and to lose touch with his toxic masculinity. I think dating Juliet changed him in a lot of ways (making him more relaxed, etc), and I think one was encouraging him to be more emotional. After Wizards vs. Vampires, Justin is pretty emotional and open about his emotions in the show. He’s even open with talking about them. In the movie, he opens up to Alex about how he feels like Jerry & Theresa wouldn’t love him as much if he were less “perfect,” which brings me to my next point.

At the end of the day, Justin is a sad character. I know it’s a kid’s show but they really do cover a lot of issues so bear w me. I’m hyperfixated and I like to over analyze shows so I’ve thought about this a lot. Justin is the oldest, which means he already deals with pressure to be perfect. Then, add in the fact that his parents are constantly describing him as the “perfect child” and putting him on a pedestal, while pitting the kids against each other as a result of the wizard culture bc of the family competition (I love Jerry & Theresa but they’re not perfect). He’s also a high achiever and we know he puts extreme pressure on himself to do well - they always make a joke about it but it’s actually quite sad. He literally feels poorly about himself when he gets a B and bases his entire self worth on his grades and skills as a wizard. In fact, in the movie he voices doubt about whether or not he’s good at anything other than magic. I have a few things I want to say about all of this. First of all, I think Justin is constantly seeking validation. I think as the oldest and “best” child, he feels the need to be perfect all the time, but he also does many of the things he does because he just wants validation. When Harper decides to run a marathon, Justin does too, and sadly his accomplishment of finishing it is overshadowed by Harper “winning.” I also think Justin feels threatened by the success of others because he thinks it invalidates his. When he opens up to Alex in the movie, he says that he’s jealous of her because it seems like everything comes naturally to her. Justin feels as if his parents loving his siblings takes away from their love from his. It’s irrational, but very real. Which brings me to my next point - Justin has generalized anxiety disorder. It makes sense - the overthinking, the outbursts he has (Alex refers to it as a conniption once) of panic or frustration, the overachieving, etc. As someone who probably has autism, I also think he’s autistic (which would explain his troubles with tone, struggle making friends, obsessions with things like Captain Jim Bob Sherwood and science, being better w robots than people, and so much more).

Ultimately, Justin has a strong moral backbone. Although he’s a stickler for the rules and this oftentimes leads him to do bad things initially, he always does the right thing in the end. For example, when Justin and Alex go to court and Justin duplicates himself to be his lawyer, his lawyer ultimately proves that Justin is guilty; he even says something along the lines of “We’re Justin Russo. We always do what’s moral and just.” Justin has a strong sense of justice (which could also be from being autistic but I could do a whole other post about neurodivergency coding in WOWP and Disney & Nick shows overall bc there’s a ton of coding) and does what he thinks is right, most of the time. Sure, sometimes he does bad things, but he’s also a teenager at the end of the day and he’s highly competitive.

Finally, Justin Russo is super progressive - in fact, he’s probably the most progressive characters of the show. He acknowledges climate change and actively tries to create a solution for it. In fact, for his science fair project he makes a water powered engine, which would reduce carbon emissions. He also wears a shirt at one point that says “Make art not war.” I will admit that his biases against the werewolf he dated were problematic, but he clearly grew from that because he never held any of that against Mason. He’s also into science and is a nerd and although this is a stereotype, most young people who are into science and are nerds are progressive. I’m pretty sure he also is well aware of current events and would probably read the newspaper. Also I myself headcanon Justin as trans and bi (again could make another post about characters in wowp that are queer)

Little note even tho probably no one will see this - this is all just for fun. If you disagree with anything I said, just say it politely hahsh. Also please don’t make fun of me for this WOWP is a huge hyperfixation and comfort thing for me rn and I just wanted to make a silly little post where I analyze one of my comfort characters. Also I kin Justin so pls don’t like hate on him in the comments.

[thefairyletters]

I saw you rb a SaiSaku post and was curious if you had any fanfic recs for this rarepair?!

Do I have?!!!!! I am currently binging this ship so you couldn't have asked this at better time.

.

This pair is not a crack ship! Crack would mean they have not shared more than two words with each other. But SaiSaku interactions always bordered on romance and best friends who don't act like it. Not only Sakura was the first person to acknowledge Sai had human side to him and bonded with him over his painting, Sai was also the only person outside Sasuke (in part 1) to be able tell her fake smiles and he always understood her feelings better than other characters. Had Sakura ever only cared for good looks (something she don't) then with Sai she'd get that and so much more.

I have always considered SaiSaku as the next best thing after NaruSaku. They had too much potential as a couple. I am not bitter that InoSai became a thing but looking at them I only feel that "Ino didn't get Sasuke so she get his look-alike." Besides, Sai gave people nicknames that are opposites to what actually feels about them – Naruto as Dickless, Sakura as Hag/Ugly and Ino as Beautiful – which makes it worse. Both Ino and Sai deserve better than this. If Kishi has shown them together more often or had interactions between them similar to SaiSaku then I can understand why Ino is his light. I guess it is also SP's fault for showing them in different light. For all SP hates Sakura, they enjoy messing up with her fans by feeding them false hope.

Whenever I want to read something hilarious but deep, SaiSaku is my to-go couple. Usually angsty, or full bout of insults and punches. There's no in between with them.

. SaiSaku .

This list contains my favorite SaiSaku collection. I am not sure if you like SaiSaku only as romance ship but this list also contain stories that expands on SaiSaku friendship, something I absolutely adore.

.

Could Roses Bloom? : RiseoftheBlossom || M || AO3 || Shippuden AU || GaaSaku, SaiSaku || Angst, Romance || Ongoing

Sai glanced downwards at his body, the sudden override of his thoughts causing his mind to blank. What did that mean? Had he been straying too close to a piece of information Danzo didn't want him to have or share? Or was it his mind's natural response to shutting down any form of emotion, even if it was just the slightest of inclination towards feeling something?

Go for it if you like: enemies-to-friends-to-lovers troupe, SaiSaku friendship, confused-over-his-feelings!Sai, slow burn, GaaSaku, boys who are bad at feelings, Sakura who is unlucky with romance, angst with fluff

.

hello, bright eyes (been waiting on you) : mouseymightymarvellous || T || AO3 || Shippuden AU || SaiSaku || Angst, Romance || One Shot

“look underneath the underneath,” except no one has ever really bothered to look at sakura and see her. and then there is a boy (isn’t there always). maybe they’re both just ghosts, making each other real.

Go for it if you like: enemies-to-friends-to-lovers troupe, confused-over-her-feelings!Sakura, boys who are bad at feelings, Sakura who is unlucky with romance, Sai and Sakura who don't feel like they belong, angst with fluff, sad!Sai

.

Oh God That’s Heaven : blueberrysconesandfolkmusic || T || AO3 || Shippuden AU || SaiSaku || Angst, Romance || One Shot

Sakura finds Sai sick, alone, and in desperate need of a hand that doesn't hurt.

Go for it if you like: boys who are bad at feelings, bleeding-heart!Sakura, sad-and-lonely!Sai, Sai and Sakura who are secretly best friends, Sai with PTSD, protective!team7

.

for everything blue and bright : sinemoras09 || M || AO3 || Shippuden AU || SaiSaku, SasuSaku || Angst || One Shot

The five stages of human arousal.

Go for it if you like: lonely!Sai, obsessed!Sakura, One-sided love, Unrequited-love-no-matter-how-you-look-at-it!SaiSaku, no-good-very-bad!Ending, pining!Sai, bittersweet lemon

.

A mess of me : Dovey || M || AO3 || Pre-Shippuden AU || SaiSaku || Yandere Romance || Complete

In which Sai is a good ANBU agent with an unusual hobby, and Sakura grows up with a #1 fan rooting for her....even if she doesn't know it. Or: Sai starts stalking Sakura when they're both young to satisfy his curiousity about 'normalcy', gets attached, and eventually gets very frustrated that nobody else seems to notice her potential as a shinobi and takes matters into his own hands- and delights in being Sakura's prime source of validation because of it.

Go for it if you like: obsessed!Sai, manipulation, stalker!Sai, mentor!Sai, SaiSaku friendship, distraught!Kakashi, fluff, baby-Sai-stalking-baby-Sakura, abusive haruno household

.

There is sunshine on his forehead : amako || T || AO3 || Soulmate AU || SaiSaku but it's complicated || Angst, Hurt/Comfort || One Shot

Sakura is only three when she promises herself that Sasuke will die by her hand, whoever he is.

Go for it if you like: dysfunctional Team 7, Soulmate AU, Unrequited love feels, angst heavy, Sai and Sakura only want to belong, NaruSasu, NaruSaku but not really, betrayal heavy, no fluff only pain, SaiSaku, Team 7 taking Sakura for granted, Sakura is so done

.

In theory : nimblnymph || T || FFN || Shippuden || SaiSaku || Romance, Humor || One Shot

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Sai was about to learn that this theory applied to more than just physics. And that putting theory into practice sometimes gave unexpected results.

Go for it if you like: oblivious!Sai, teacher!Sakura, student!Sai, Sai getting educated, Sakura educating Sai, Kisses, Sai being Sai, Sakura with patience of god

.

Loathing : i AM the Random Idiot || T || FFN || Shippuden || SaiSaku || Romance, Angst || One Shot

Define "hatred."

Go for it if you like: oblivious!Sai, hurt!Sai, Angst, Onions, SakuSai bonding over mutual hate, love is overrated anyway

.

Bunk Mates : ice bitten || T || FFN || Shippuden || Team 7 || Humor, Friendship || One Shot

In which Sasuke and Naruto find out Sakura has been sleeping over at Sai's. Short stories surrounding Sakura, Sai, and the invasive people of Konoha.

Go for it if you like: sassy!Sai, protective!Team7, SaiSaku friendship, roommates, Sai being Sai, Perfect characterisation, Canon feels

.

Paint me with Colour : PeregrineFlight || T || FFN || post-Shippuden || SaiSaku|| Humor, Friendship || Incomplete

Sai and Sakura must travel to the Land of Lightning to retrieve something for the Daimyo, they have to travel as a married couple. Much to Naruto's amusement.

Go for it if you like: lonely!Sai, SaiSaku friendship, roommates, Sai being Sai, pretend marriage, SaiSaku bonding over mission, fluffy angst, adorable!Sai

.

Forget Me Not : Joy-girl || T || FFN || post-Shippuden || Team 7 || Angst, Friendship || Complete

Sometimes it's easy to forget how important someone is when the person is always in the background – but Sakura's boys still remember. Glimpses of her importance from each member of her team.

Go for it if you like: fluffy angst, Sakura's place in team 7, underappreciated Sakura, Team7 family, Family feels, sad!Sakura, protective!Team7 males, Sakura appreciation, SaiSaku bond, Team7Saku feels, avenger!Teammates

.

Add Me Colour : Cella N || T || FFN || post-Shippuden || SaiSaku || Drama, Romance || Complete

"All my life is white. Paint me. Add me colour."

Go for it if you like: lonely!Sakura, Sai being Sai, confused!Sakura, angst, poetic translation, colors

.

Euphemisms : Nymbis || T || FFN || Shippuden || SaiSaku || Humor, Romance || Complete(?)

Drabbles about Sai, Sakura, and their strange attempts at bonding.

Go for it if you like: Sai being Sai, Sakura being Sakura, Hilarious friendships, SaiSaku friendship, loveggression, love-hate relationship, Insults, Sai's brand of humor, fluff with punches, Raunchy stuff

.

Ricochet : Strix 4 || T || FFN || Shippuden AU || Team 7 || Family, Drama || Complete(?)

Sometimes it's easy to see the familiar in the faces around you. Sometimes it sucks to figure out why.

Go for it if you like: fluffy angst, Sakura's place in team 7, Team7 as family, Family feels, wise!Sakura, SaiSaku bond, Sai's place in team 7

.

Pick up lines : Demoneyes 14 || T || FFN || Shippuden || SaiSaku || Humor || One Shot

Ero sennin's pick up lines! Guaranteed to get the girl or your money back! Well... it would be more guaranteed if it hadn't fallen on his face in the library, but heck, Sai will try anything once! Maybe it will save him a beating from Sakura...

Go for it if you like: Sai being Sai, Sakura being Sakura, SaiSaku friendship, loveggression, love-hate relationship, Insults, Sai's brand of humor, fluff with punches

.

.

Special mentions...

Study of the Heart : teresa

In an effort to become a better friend, Sai undertakes a study of love, not really understanding how difficult it could be, and how surprising.

.

The Blood of a Cherry Blossom : Slytherin Kunoichi

Originally, for Halloween, Sai hadn't decided what to go as, but once he glimpsed at the bleeding flesh on Sakura's neck, he suddenly had the urge to be a vampire…

.

Old Dogs, New Tricks : yuugiri

After an unprecedented turn of events, the Fifth Hokage has officially assigned Sakura Haruno the responsibility to make Sai recover what he had lost; his emotions. With a time limit of a month, will Sakura succeed in this mission?

.

Once More, With Feeling : Cynchick

Sakura didn't know what she was thinking when she showed up on his doorstep. 

.

Ink Me : Krickitat

Exploring the art of bod-modification Sakura takes a step into the unknown world of the exquisite pain of art.

.

The Uchiha Secret : Slytherin Kunoichi

Sasuke froze as he stared at Sai's eyes, which were identical to his Uchiha Sharingan eyes now: red with anger and black with hatred...One family secret could threaten and shake three lives forever. Bonds will be broken.

.

.

.

My babies don't get enough love in the world.

[alchemania]

Barbara, and Bennett: Toxic Positivity (and how they each exude it)

While it's easy to spot negative toxic behavior, toxic positivity can be harder to recognize and pin down. In this blog, I am going to analyze 2 characters in Genshin and explain just how they show traits of toxic positivity. (I originally was going to include Jean, but I already covered her in an earlier blog so it'd just be redundant)

Barbara Page

Barbara is all smiles and sunshine, trying her best to ensure that everyone is happy. However; she does this to an unhealthy degree and often does not prioritize her emotional wellbeing.

#1: Forcing herself to always be happy.

Barbara's story lines state that she "only allows herself to be depressed for 30 seconds" and that after that, she basically puts on a smile; regardless of what she's actually feeling. She often talks about how good everyone is to her, and I honestly believe that Barbara invalidates her own depression because in her eyes; she has a good life and there's no "reason" for her to be sad, plus if she was sad then everyone else would feel down. She hasn't experienced anything traumatic, so how can she have the right to be depressed? But the thing is, she has: her parents divorced when she was young; and Barbara grew up apart from Jean, leading to a lack of a relationship between the two. While the divorce, based on Jean's story lines, did not seem to have a lot of negativity around it (from what I can tell Simon and Frederica actually split on amiable terms, they just fell out of love with each other), it still affected Barbara in a negative way and no doubt she is hurting from it but she's not acknowledging her pain. All trauma is not the same, this is true. But all trauma IS valid; just because someone is hurting less doesn't mean they're NOT hurting and Barbara needs to understand that her pain is valid and give herself time to process it.

#2: Lack of emotional boundaries

If there's anything that Jean and Barbara have in common besides both being healers, it's that they're absolutely terrible at saying no. In Barbara's hangout, she feels guilty for avoiding Albert and wanting to be left alone despite being emotionally exhausted and even wants to apologise, despite doing nothing wrong. Later on when her fans ask for autographs; she agrees, despite being off the clock and trying to take a break: Aether has to step in personally to get people to go away, and not only that; he has to lie through his teeth in order to do so. If you tell the NPCs the truth ("Barbara is currently on leave, please don't disturb her",) they'll reply "Oh she's on leave? Perfect time to ask for an autograph!" They don't care about her feelings; all they care about is what she can do for them and the worst part is that Barbara lets them treat her like this. It's so bad that the Knights have to constantly step in and rescue her because folks can't get it in their heads that off the clock =/= available; and Barbara feels like if she can help other people that she needs to; to the detriment of her own needs. She seems to think it's selfish to put herself first; but looking out for yourself emotionally is anything but. It's okay to say no, it's okay to tell people you're not available. Just because you're free doesn't mean you're up to engage and there's nothing wrong with that. But like Sister Victoria says herself; Barbara is too nice. She gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return, and people take advantage of that.

#3: Undermining herself through constant praise of others

In her hangout, she tells you that besides singing and healing, she doesn't have anything worthwhile about her, and then goes on about how amazing you are, Jean as well. Barbara doesn't acknowledge her positive traits, and then when she vents to you she apologizes for doing so, since you were supposed to be hanging out and having fun. She puts a lot of her worth in comparison to what other people can DO, and not actual character. Barbara is a lovely person: she's sweet and kind and loving, but because she doesn't see herself as physically strong or powerful, she doesn't think she's worth a lot.

Bennett

My GOD, Bennett is like the EPITOME of toxic positivity.

1. Allows others to mistreat him and take out their feelings on him because he feels it's his fault they're suffering (essentially, a martyr complex)

Bennett's hangout is a prime example of this where when Royce got angry, Bennett simply let him yell until you step in. Due to his almost perpetual bad luck, he feels that he's responsible for the misfortune of the people around him and since he can't physically do anything about it, he attempts to "atone" by letting himself be emotionally assaulted.

He also puts himself in physical danger to keep other people safe (he figures since he's already unlucky, might as well suffer a little more if it means everybody else is okay, right?), and accepts abandonment as the norm since he's a liability. Bennett does not value his wellbeing whatsoever due to constantly being in danger and he seems to be of the mentality "If I'm going to die, at least let me die protecting everybody" and that immensely upsets me that a KID, who's probably no older than 17, is already considering his mortality.

#2: Not allowing himself to process negative emotion

Just like Barbara, Bennett constantly forces himself to always keep a smile on, only in his case it's more to keep himself from getting overwhelmed about his situation. It's heavily implied in his story that Bennett is afraid that he could die any day (and I don't blame him) and so he lives hard and fast because he feels he doesn't have a lot of time. He's cheated death MULTIPLE times (he almost died as a baby, and he almost died prior to receiving his Vision), and Bennett more than likely feels that one day, he's not going to get lucky enough to escape again; and he'll actually die. His life is an entire string of misfortune and unlike Barbara and her parents divorce, Bennett is aware of this trauma: he simply chooses to take it in stride and forces himself to stay upbeat. Which is just as bad as letting negative emotion completely overwhelm him, it's literally just the other ditch.

Bennett also seems very sad about the fact that his team abandoned him but he doesn't let himself process that either (if you respond angrily to the revelation that his teammates left he'll jump to defend them and insist "they had their reasons"- and that may be true, but that doesn't invalidate the trauma and sadness of being left behind because of something you literally cannot control). Similar to Diluc, Bennett is sort of an Atlas of his own right, but instead of carrying all of Mondstat on his shoulders he's shouldering his emotional wellbeing: he refuses to vent to anyone and bottles everything up because he doesn't want to be a burden; but in doing so he's only hurting himself in the long run.

(Thank God for Razor though it seems like he might be hanging around for the long haul and that makes me immensely happy. I could cry. Please don't let anything bad happen to him and Bennett they deserve friendship)

I'm going to go off the beaten path a bit here but, to all you guys reading this; please remember that:

1. Your trauma is valid, regardless of how "lesser" you think it might be.

2. You are not obligated to give yourself emotionally to other people if you are not up to it. You cannot give what you do not have, and if you're not 100% emotionally wise, you really shouldn't be taking on any more negative energy. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. If people can't respect that then they're not worth your time. Set emotional boundaries and don't budge for anyone. The people who are meant to stay will honor your boundaries.

3. It's okay to be sad! And it's okay to be sad and have no idea why. It doesn't matter if you have a 'good life,' depression doesn't care who you are or where you are on your walk of life and sometimes it hits like a truck. Your sadness is valid and don't be afraid to take the time you need to acknowledge and process your negative emotions.

Please take care of yourselves, friends; and be safe.

Have a good day. 💗

[tojikai]

Fix You made me feel sad :( poor baby Y/N doesn’t deserve this treatment :( like Toji’s pain is valid and he can only help himself, but at what cost; to lose someone who’s been through the ringer to keep you afloat and now you get their pain when the love you don’t deserve gets passed off?

(Idk if you’re considering making another part when they possibly reconcile or break up) but what would you do in this scenario?

hi anon, tysm for reading! and yeah, i feel bad for y/n. she was so ready to give him all of her :((

i'm currently working on part two! but personally, if i were to be put in y/n's situation, I would find it hard to leave too but only because of his kid. especially when the kid is that attached to me, I don't think I'd be able to leave right away.

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

so, I personally think The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky is one of the best (if not the best) teen book of all time and in general just one of the best books out there and I’m tired of it being slandered as “pretentious” so here’s a list of reasons why it’s so freaking good:

first things first, I feel like Stephen Chbosky is one of the few (adult) writers who truly gets what it’s like to be a teen. some writers pretend teenagers are unknowing little kids, some do get closer to what the reality looks like but he just. went all in. Charlie has so many of the typical teenager experience while also being a really deep character who has profound conversations about his friends but sometimes also just gets really high

Charlie in general is one of my favorite fictional characters ever. as a teen, I was struggling with similar feelings as him, and I felt so undersood by him. like how he would sometimes just spend hurs looking at other people asking himself what their life might be like. how he is painfully awkward and doesn’t know how to tell a girl he actually doesn’t like her that way because he doesn’t want to hurt her. how he literally says he doesn’t want to be dead, he just wishes he could fall asleep for a little while. the way he so deeply cares about his friends even if he sometimes goes about it the wrong way. and so much more

the quote “we accept the love we think we deserve” has literally changed my life. like, I think it’s so true and oftentimes when I looked back on toxic people I couldn’t let go I would think back on this quote and be like. oh. yeah. it makes sense.

the fact that I’ve read the book over five times now and watched the move like 20 times and every time I still find something new and intriguing about it. like, it just never gets boring

the first time I read it was when I was 15, like Charlie, and I felt really down and sad all of the time and this book gave me a sense of hope. Like, maybe not everything will be perfect one day, but it will get okay, eventually.

I just generally like the message it carries about mental health. I literally have the quote “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. Maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even though we can’t choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” memorized. Whenever I experience a difficult time, I remember this quote and know that yes, what is happening to me is shitty and I can’t do anythign about that or what has been done to me in the past and traumatized me but I can still choose how I want to proceed. I also love the notion, as I said, of “we can try to feel okay about them”. like, I don’t even have to feel happy about my life. Maybe okay is enough. Okay is achievable.

while we’re on the topic of its messages, I also like that it tackles the issue of feeling as though you cannot complain about difficult stuff that’s going on in your life because others have it worse. Several of my friends (as well as I once) struggle with reaching out to others because we think our problems are not worth talking about. I really like that Charlie concludes that yeah, there will always be people who have it worse but that doesn’t make your struggle less valid. If it’s difficult for YOU, it already deserves to be talked about.

quick not-that-serious note but THE MUSIC? okay that’s not so prominent in the books but Charlie’s music taste is just. impeccable

(SPOILER) I love that the book talks about sexual assault both on men and women. Sexual assault is still a topic of taboo, but definitely was even more so one when the book was released. And it also tackles it in such a good way imo.

LET’S TALK ABOUT PATRICK. I love how the book and Charlie don’t make a big deal out of Patrick being gay. I mean this book was written from the perspective of the 90s, still the author chose not to focus on homophobia towards Patrick, but rather on how he’s a normal person and just wants to love and be loved like everyone else, and everyone in his closest circle supports him wholeheartedly.

one thing that is diferent from the movies which I love about the book is its talk about masculinity. In one scene in the book, Charlie remembers how his father went into the kitchen and cried after watching the last episode of M.A.S.H.. He teaches his sons that crying in public is not acceptable and I love how the book discusses the negative influences of toxic masculinity on men and how it might lead to them feeling as though they cannot express their emotions, ever.

another scene I love in the book is when Charlie talks about his grnadfather and how he grew up poor and wanted his daughters to do better and so he slapped them if the got bad grades. I also love the introspection of his grandfather and how he recognizes that some of that might have been the reason why Aunt Helen turned out the way she did. The book also talks about Charlie’s dad, and how his father was abused by his father as a kid, and as a result he promised himself to never do physical harm to his kids, ever.

another thing that I found really relatable is how Charlie is constantly not really there. He either, as I’ve already mentioned, wonders what other people’s lives might be like or thinks about how someday all of what is currently happening to him will be just a story, and that also prevents him from really being there. I am definitely guilty of that too and sometimes I have these moments of coming back down to earth and realising that all this time has passed and I never really participated in life.

honestly I could go on and on (for example about Sam and the discussion of making onself small so that a love interest might like you, or his sister and her abortion, etc etc) but I’ll stop now. All of this to say is that The Perks seriously improved my life massively and I think it’s not only relevant to teens but also adults, since it tackles a lot of big life questions in such a good and valuable way. I actually find it far from pretentious and rather a very realistic depiction of so many people’s life and mental issues and undermining the way it has genuinely improved other people’s life is shitty and I think people should, just, stop it. Just because it’s a teen book doesn’t mean that it cannot be good

[the-nysh]

Have you read the part in the webcomic where Saitama and Genos were training again (after the Monster Association Arc) and after it, the only thing Saitama said was (I forgot the whole sentence), "Dazzling". And Genos' face, I can't. Like I found it hilarious and sad at the same time. Cause he realizes there that Saitama wasn't really focusing on him anymore. And He wasn't getting stronger, like he looks so done and his thoughts were kind of like he wasn't that important to Saitama? (I may have been wrong here, but my poor cyborg).

Yee, that was quite the memorable moment years back, cause it was their first significant Reunion and Talk after the whole MA arc. The “dazzling” comment was part of Audrey’s last ‘shippy’ translation for the fandom before she moved on, so here’s a more direct translation instead:

And oh my god, these poor fools. :’)) Okay, look at Saitama’s thought bubbles: he notices Genos feels down and tries to be there for him and help him out (but Saitama is so out of his element here, he barely knows what to say beyond the obvious surface-level praises), which is...absolutely not satisfying or helpful for what Genos wants to hear (and oh god, he misinterprets Saitama’s literally blinded eyes as him not caring, and lets his darker intrusive thoughts about inadequacy and stagnation take over and aahh!) Saitama’s concern and Genos’ worries are valid, but also Genos pls slow down and stop being so hard on yourself. :’) (Saitama wouldn’t be here or offer his time & words to help if he didn’t care! But also, it’s only been 2 months! Genos has grown in ways probably he himself hasn’t even realized or accounted for either.) The stress and hunger for results has been eating away at him, but together they’re both still utterly clueless and inexperienced at properly communicating their emotional needs. 

The moment reminds me of another time they spar and try to be supportive for each other once again, but still mentally end up on different pages:

And it’s like...!!! *bashes their heads together* You fools; you utter donkeys! Just talk to each other! ;o; Here they’re being all considerate giving each other room to come around when ready, but..! They still misunderstand what the other’s stressed about (thinking and assuming topics on two different pages here) and so much could be avoided and solved if they just...tell each other what’s up. :’D Oh my god, it’s hilarious but sad yes, because one of their reoccurring conflicts is classic misunderstandings caused by failures in communication, aaah!

(pt2) Lmao I hope in the near future, when the world finally acknowldeges Saitama's strength, when everyone finally appreciates and cheers for Saitama and finally gets the recognition he deserves, He doesn't disregard or forgots the first person who actually appreciates him.

:’)) As much as what could potentially happen near opm’s hypothetical ending, and as much as Saitama’s probably taken the presence of others (like Genos) for granted many times, Saitama’s also not so far removed from humanity that he can’t even make friends (cause the truth is, he has, actually he’s been building an entire harem to be honest, even if he hasn’t realized it yet.) It’s why I found Tatsumaki’s question to him, ‘do you have any friends?!’ so interesting, and I think many of us would love to see the day when Saitama has that ‘oh’ moment, realizing the person who gave him the support & attention he sought for, as the catalyst to help him out of his own sense of stagnation, was Genos all along. For now, we’ve yet to see Saitama really challenged on that emotional bit, where Genos is forcefully taken out of his radar and Saitama must make a choice to act and be there on his behalf. But...current Genos looks like he may find himself in some immediate complicated trouble (with Drive Knight and Bofoi) if he’s not careful, so what could happen to him there, and how Saitama may react in return, remains to be seen.