xaviertaycray

[hecksupremechips]

My curse is that whenever I think someone is cute I avoid looking at them at all costs like they just become a big block in my vision and then I forget what they look like and I’m safe and then I see their face again and it’s like FUCK OH NO THEYRE HOT

[beastabyss666]

You know as a former member of Vivziepop's cult and yes its a cult not a fandom anymore I am disgusted by a majority of the people in it.

Like someone on the subreddit brought up it being kinda tasteless or fucked that they sold sexy Stella merch in bdsm gear when she's abused Stolas physically. The post was deleted quickly and judging by my experiences in the fandom people were stanning Viv or harassing OP and that has got me thinking.

Why is Stella in bdsm gear? Like Stolas and Blitzo are canonically into it yet you give the abuser that...

Like isn't a bit fucked that instead of choosing the canonical practicioners in your show you choose to put someone who uses pain not to pleasure but to slowly break and hurt someone.

We know Vivziepop has a merch rep so how did that get into production?

I also find it fucked that Vivziepop and crew are attempting to tackle an issue as serious as domestic abuse and do it so poorly by writing Stolas and Stella as bickering children next we see them. Then the staff has the utter gawl to sell merch in general of Stella and the fans buying it up.

Like I understand autograph signings slightly but that's the only merch Stella should have.

Vivziepop's cult loves to claim that they utterly depise Stella and deserves to suffer because she's an abuser so how dare people want nuance or not just a generically evil cartoon villain but the moment she is drawn in a sexy way they start throwing money at that.

Like I just want to know how these people if their friends ask about the character on the pin will explain "Oh this is Stella who's a sexy domestic abuser"

Then again am I surprised when Vivziepop makes merch of a rapist and most of the crew have some weird fascination with Valentino and not in the way that he's their best written villain way more like they are simping over him.

I think a lot of fandoms, especially nowadays, have a lot of genuinely bad people who really need help/therapy but see nothing wrong in what they do or just keep doing that, though they know it ain't okay. That's so frustrating when you can't feel comfortable even in an Internet community. But Viv's "fandom"(I mean exactly these two shows, although Zoophobia also had...... not very pleasant people) is surely something... Where'd you find so many blatantly oblivious and blind brown nosers which keep pretending everything's good when there's already tons of red flags from Vivienne? Yeah, that's a rare case. I don't wanna interact with this fandom or even talk about it, tbh. I still watch the show cuz it's fun to see how it manages to be worse with every episode, though sometimes I don't make reviews as many other people do it faster and better and I just have nothing to say(I need to take my jaw from the floor). Regarding Stella – well, I don't know on what principles Viv or her team makes merch with the characters, but aren't all characters being sexualized anyway? They even have merch with Chaz, a guy who, like, died in the same episode. And they keep doing new merch with this jerk. And that's obviously because there are people who simp for him. I don't know if Stella's merch may be an insult to those who practice BDSM, I'm not into it, tbh, and I don't take these things seriously, but I find this just a bland sexualisation. Well, it's "sexy merch", but yeah, Stella's all character is based on being a mean aggressive yelling bitch, and this thing....... it must be a character trait, I guess? Or just a sweet treat for rule34 artists, like most of the stuff Viv does. Again, I don't take all of this seriously, this sexy merch was made to tease and please the simping fans, but there's certainly a part of irony in it. Like, people in this fandom hate Stella so much that they shit on people who simply want her to be a more complex character, and they're........ still buying all this stuff. They........ enjoy Stella being "hot dommy mommy" and still keep hating her? Ngl, only Viv's fanbase can do that, lol. I've seen this fandom from the start and I can say that many people here always had some weird obsession with Valentino. I even remember some person passive aggressively telling me that "he's just very charismatic and it's your problems if you can't see it". When there were, like........ A musical clip and a comic where he just was being an abusive jerk. Yeah, that's a really weird fascination. Also, doesn't one of HH's crew, who is an animator or a director(don't remember correctly), has a rape fetish and has drawn an animatic on their beloved ship Angel/Val? Hella ironic that a show about serious portrayal of trauma and abuse has a crew member(or members) which legit....... find it hot or cute. That's sick af but I guess Viv doesn't care who she hires. Oh, that's definitely not a pit I would like to fall in. I'm not sure there's any hope on Hazbin portraying trauma or mental illnesses properly, but I'll still watch it anyway. Whenever it comes out....

[lollytea]

I think book publishing and the promotion of books depends on one key question. Is the book out of passion, for the benefits, or for fame and glory

Don't quote me on this cuz I don't feel like going looking for sources. So I could be wrong about a few things. But based on what I've learned over the years, getting a book deal is heavily reliant on certain factors. Firstly, it's strongly recommended that you have an agent. Publishing houses are unlikely to even LOOK at a submitted manuscript unless there's an agent involved.

Secondly, a lot of the responsibility of marketing the book falls on the author themself. As a result, publishers are not likely to take a chance on just anybody. In our current social climate, the safest authors to sign are the ones who already have a strong social media presence, guaranteeing that they'll have an audience to advertise the book to. The annoying stuff on booktok where authors use snappy ao3 tropes to summarise their books is kinda their only option in a lot of cases. Its a strong effective means of advertising. It guarantees clicks, engagement, enthusiasm etc.

Thirdly, once you sign a deal, the book kinda stops belonging entirely to you. This isn't entirely a bad thing. Editors catch mistakes, flaws in the story and they can even give advice that will significantly improve the final draft. But you lose a lot of the freedom to write whatever the fuck you want and now have to abide by the restrictions put on you. Because now your work is their product so they have to make sure its up to scratch.

Its fun to think that if your manuscript is just amazing enough, you'll manage to blow the minds of some random publishing house and they'll do all the work, desperate just to get your genius story out into the world and they'll let you write whatever you want forever. But it's a lot more complicated than that.

There's a feature on amazon that will let you turn your manuscript into a physical book and then sell it on the site, making it super easy for anybody to become a self published author. I figure that if I ever do write anything, I'll probably just do that. I'll never have anything I write on bookshop shelves but oh well. A book is a book :D

[chrimsonfoxdon]

Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).

I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.

Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!

1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed

Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?

I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.

2. Female Characters/Feminism

I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!

Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)

I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.

Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.

3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult

Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!

4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That

The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.

TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.

5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before

Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.

I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.

Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.

Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.

6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things

I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.

Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!

Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[drac-onion]

"I made this!"

So I have a bit of an unhealthy relationship with art.

I would never call myself an artist, but I would never disparage someone for doing the exact same thing I do and then call themselves an artist. An artist, to me, is someone who makes art. Simple as. Sure, you could more minutely define it as someone who makes a living from art, but you could also argue that the specificity of that would fall under whether or not someone calls themselves a professional artist. Meaning that they do it as their profession. (IE: a paid occupation, usually involving prolonged training and/or formal qualification.)

So, by that rule, I'm an artist because I make art (sometimes), but not a professional artist, because I don't make a living from it.

I suppose I could call myself a writer, too, but let's not get too into the weeds on etymology and labels. I'm some rando that makes art (sometimes) and writes (sometimes, and I even post sometimes too! [keyword: sometimes])

I'm pretty apprehensive about posting things I've made because of weird vulnerability I feel around it. Cuz like, I tried my best (or maybe its just a quick n dirty something or other for a laugh) and now that thing is going to be out for anyone to see? Spooky.

Well, I'm going to try to change my mindset and post things that I made cuz I made them, and if other people see them, great. If not, then it's for me to look back on anyway. It's not about likes or reception or anything. Just for me to look back on. It's just a scrapbook that I just so happen to put somewhere for others to look at if they want.

I recently went through my PC and located everything I've ever made and put it one spot. It's organized by year, and it was kind of wild to see how far I'd come in some regards.

There's some pictures I took of my sketchbook from when I was following Mark Crilley's art tutorials. Some attempts at pixel art (some of which aren't half bad, tbh) and some sketches I made in that old Sketchbook app for android. I actually had to hop on my old deviantart for some of it (oof) since I couldn't find the original files. They're probably on an old laptop somewhere, but I couldn't be bothered to pull the hard drive and dig for it.

I can really pinpoint my artistic motivations and pursuits in each year.

2013: Pixel art (just the worst pixel doubling and uniform outlining, yikes!)

2014: Traditional art and youtube tutorials, along with some pixel art here and there)

2015: I could only find one drawing from 2015 (had to grab that one from facebook...YIKES) and its a not-too-shabby drawing I did from reference.

2016: Following along with a Bob Ross episode in Mario Paint. This one actually looks really good. Maybe I'll post it one of these days, cuz it's kinda neat.

2017: Bought a drawing tablet with the money I made from working. Downloaded Sai and tried drawing from figure references. Some of it is really bad, but some of it shows an understanding of figure, which is kind of impressive in hindsight.

2018: Some more Bob Ross pixel art. I followed along with the same video as in 2016, but in Aseprite (the demo, so I only have a screenshot of the finished product because you can't save in the demo) and damn, it's still one of my favorite things I've ever made in Aseprite. Especially for only being 4 colors (GB green palette)

2019: Some more Sai stuff. Probably all done in the same session, but it's not the worst I suppose. I'm pretty inconsistent when it comes to focusing on art. I tend to get pretty distracted when I'm not immediately good at something. (And now I know why, although hindsight is 20/20)

2020: Uh? Couldn't find anything from 2020. Given what occurred that year, that's not all that surprising TBH.

2021: Some music I made and a doom level I made. This was sort of my intro to making levels for games. We had to make a game pitch for a school project and I went all out on making a demo. I think I clocked my hours and it was well over 40 hours put into the level alone. Made a custom weapon sprite any everything. It's pretty cool.

2022: My intro to working in 3D and making youtube videos. I started in Gmod, making simple animations, before eventually swapping to SFM for stills. Then a friend asked why I didn't just learn Blender instead, so that's what I did. If you know me from twitter, then you've probably seen these. They're NSFW, so maybe don't go digging if that isn't what you're into. That was sort of where my unhealthy relationship with social media and art began, because I started focusing a lot on views and likes and reception for things instead of just making things I wanted to make. (Mostly because I was surrounded by and learning from actual professionals, who do it as like, a job.) Sure there were things I made because I wanted to make them, but for the most part, I was going for the popular thing and wanting to "get big" at the time. Cringe, I know. Such is life. You live and you learn. Some of the best I made during this time was cuz I wanted to make it, and those are the ones I'm most proud of to this day.

2023: Burnout city! Unemployment will do that to you. Sure I worked on some stuff here and there, but I really burnt the hell out. Ended up working on some Doom levels and some little things here and there. Making a titlecard for a friend's youtube video, a cover art for a HM2 level, finishing my second reload animation, and a couple blender things. 2022 felt so productive in comparison, where did it all go wrong? (Oh yeah, the weird obsession with views. Right.) Then I got into writing that summer and I've sort of kept up with it. AO3 says I wrote 93k words that year, so that's not nothing. (I promise I'm working on another big project. It's just...hitting some creative snags. Again. Such is life.)

2024: The current year. I'm...trying to get back into making things for me. Writing things because I would read it. Drawing things that I would look at, or that I find interesting. Once again, I'm sort of trying to game my attention problems by not focusing TOO hard on one thing at a time. Otherwise I'd never finish anything, and while I'm not concerned about having things to post to social media, it does feel good to look back and see things you've actually finished. It's better to finish something and have it be like 50% of what it could have been than never reach 100% and then it just lives on as a reminder of your inability to finish things. I'd rather call something done and move on than obsess for ages over "what could have been." Or maybe I'm just waffling because I'm still trying to shake my weirdness. Bah. Some stuff I make might never see the light of day, but that's kind of a shame. I like making things and sharing them with other people. It's fun.

That's really the operative word of this whole ramble.

Fun

I do things because it's fun. I should want to do things because they're fun. Of course that's easier said than done when you have my specific brand of brain problems, but ya gotta catch the wind in your sail when it blows, right? (If that even makes sense.)

So yeah, here's hoping that this weird ramble convinces me to post things. Not because I want to get clicks or likes or engagement. But because I want to remind myself of how fun it was to do.

Like that Kolibri doodle I posted yesterday was something I did for fun. I though it'd be fun to do, so I did it. Simple as.

So here's to fun. Let's do stuff for that, and forget about clicks. I'm doing it for me. If you happen to like it, then more power to you. But I wanna have fun for me.

Yeah.

(Watch me then never post anything because my interests have waned and I hyperfixate on something else and then have to look at this post in a few months and cringe at the thought.)

But hey, nobody else is reading this anyway.

Right?

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

This is an internet anthology. I am acting:

…

…

…

Looking back at my childhood and all the traumatic things that happened made me realize just how depressive my mom was. She smiled and laughed and said she was “happy,” sure… but I never saw her smile or laugh unless it was in front of other people; but behind closed doors, with just the two of us the mask came off. I was the only one who was allowed to see who she really was behind the disguise. She cried all the time. I could hear her through the walls at night when I went to sleep. Everything, everything was for show. She liked to make others think she had joy but she didn’t. She didn’t because she couldn’t feel it. Her depression was a crushing weight on the entire house and she made it everyone’s problem. All she wanted to do was feel worse and feed off of me so I could stay and listen to her rants forever in a vicious, codependent cycle. I didn’t know until now what the term for that was. Truly, discovering this community of people who were abused by depressive parents was a blessing. It helped me come to my senses and realize I was not the issue; it was her all along. Knowledge is power, everyone. ❤️

…

hiya could anyone give me advice pls its urgent

so i (16m) met this guy (17m) who ill call M in my economics class. we chatted for a little, he was suuuuper sweet and charming and we really had some kinda gay chemistry going on iykwim? so we went on a date at this cute Italian restaurant and the guy gives us our breadsticks. M just……. stared????? at them like stared at the breadsticks without even saying thank you and he looked kinda souless and it was fucking freaky but i ignored it because maybe he was just tired yk? we study alot so its not like super unrealistic to think that but now im starting to think it was a sign he wasnt right in the head. later on we hugged and kissed and he told me he loved me so my doubts went away cuz love and happiness go together. basically i wasnt worried anymore, were both happy right?

well after exchanging numbers to keep in touch i called him about five times and he never called me. its like i put in all the effort so i called him out for ignoring me and he apologized

anyways we made up and went on a 2nd date which was his idea. because i am sixteen i got my license after doing drivers ed, obvs i was really proud of it so i told him and he smiled saying he was happy for me but something was wrong. he was smiling but his eyes looked dead and it reminded me of that one tiktok about how depressives have dead eyes when they smile because they cant actually feel happy not even for other ppl. it was really creepy how he just lied to my face like that. he still never calls me, i always have to call him. its like he doesn’t care about life at all

any tips on how to politely get out of the relationship? thx

…

4 Signs Your Lover is a K!lljoy

1.) The eyes

Do you surprise your lover with gifts and acts of service, but they seem less than enthusiastic? Do they say they’re happy for you, but something in their face tells you they’re not? Do they never seem to truly enjoy anything in life? Then blame the uncanny valley. Science shows that true, joyful smiles cause the corners of your eyes to crinkle. Since k!lljoys are completely incapable of feeling happiness, it makes sense that they don’t know how to smile without giving off some bad vibes in the process.

2.) They’re lazy

Some of the traits used to diagnose Major Depressive Disorder in the DSM-5 are: lack of motivation, excessive sleeping, and lethargy. These traits inherent to depression make k!lljoys far less productive than most normal people, so of course they expect others to do everything for them, because they care more about themselves than they do other people. Do you constantly find yourself doing all the household chores while your spouse vegetates on the couch? Do they say they’re too “tired” to do things when you know they’ve done nothing to make them tired? Chances are, your partner is depressive.

3.) They hate people

Lack of joy is highly correlated with social withdrawal. K!lljoys dislike parties and always hide in corners or bathrooms if they’re forced to go to one. They also never call you, you have to call them. You have to do all the work to maintain the relationship.

Low-functioning killjoys may lie in bed all day miserably, but high-functioning killjoys can blend in, and may even be more talkative so they can vent their problems to everyone. They do this so everyone else can feel as unhappy as they do. As the saying goes, misery loves company.

4.) They want to k!ll themselves

It’s in the name. K!lljoys may not say it outright, but they may joke about d34th or unaliving themselves at minor inconveniences. This is not normal behavior, and actually a sign of a severe case of depression.

This may be done for two reasons. The first is to guilt you to stay in the relationship because they’re afraid of being abandoned by their stress ball. You can tell if mentions of sewerslide are meant to guilt you if they are often followed by common manipulative phrases such as “you’re my reason for living” or “I’ll never leave you.” Or k1lljoys may be genuine about their desire to d*e, so that they can pass their sadness onto others while they are relieved of it, as a sort of twisted revenge.

You may feel guilty about leaving them or putting them in danger of carrying through with sewerslide, but remember: sewerslide is the ultimate act of selfishness. You are doing the right thing by leaving them because they are toxic and will only harm you, no matter how good it feels to love them. They don’t love you back. A k1lljoy cannot love you back.

…

hot take but if you’re so sad you cant even take care of yourself without leeching off people and hurting them then you should be sterilized so you don’t pass those genes onto your children and cause more suffering than you already have lol

#killjoy parents #depressive abuse #thanks for making me into a monster like you dad /s #depressives dni #i needed you dad I really really did and then you fucking shot yourself #and it didn’t even work so now you’re brain dead in a home #i hope no one else cares for you and gets hurt for it

…

So it’s come to my attention that there is a common misconception that depressives cannot feel joy. True, some of them don’t; but some of them do. What gives them joy? What most people find makes them happy: being treated like human beings and not like a they have evil suicide cootieshope this helps 🥰

#actually depressive #actual killjoy #you guys realize how eugenicist it is to demand depressed people be sterilized right? #we cannot control how much joy we feel #what we get is what we get and that doesn’t make us evil

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hot take: being able to feel happy does not make you a good person

you can feel joy because you hurt people and you can use motivation to do bad things. you don’t need love to be a good person either. you can simply exist and not do bad things

#actually depressive #depressive abuse believers dni #imagine morals being based on emotions and not actions pfft

…

#imagine morals being based on emotions and not actions pfft

Imagine abusers wanting sympathy from the abused

Don’t act like you aren’t always negative about everything and try to level the emotional playing field so that everyone suffers don’t act like you haven’t been a burden to everyone you touch don’t act like you don’t post pictures of your bleeding cuts for minors to see and imitate dont act like you don’t romanticize your sick disorder to take others down with you don’t act like you don’t purposefully ignore your friends and loved ones for the sake of your alone time don’t act like you don’t drink to drown the sadness and become violent to your families don’t act like you aren’t cut from the same cloth as people who become terrorists and blow themselves up to kill many others

THOSE ARE ACTIONS

#depressives fuck off #depressives kill yourselves challenge #oh wait

…

I want to die so the ones who never held me close to their hearts may carry my coffin on their shoulders and tuck me into the ground like a down bed

#killjoy #sad bitch #its sad girl hours #depressive #sad girl aesthetic #coquette #tw sui ment #girlsandboywhocry #spilledink

…

yo i think my mom is a killjoy

#explains a lot tbh #never gets out and is unhealthily attached to me #the whole dead eyes thing

…

anyone ever stop to think that maybe the depression that I am experiencing in my own brain is making me suffer more than you are for dealing with my reaction to suffering all the time lol

#actually depressive #k*lljoy is a slur btw idk why you armchair diagnose people with “lazy asshole” #instead of maybe considering it’s just hard for us to do things #and interact with the world without feeling joy. Since when do we consider someone’s inability to do something as a moral failing?

…

[matoitech]

your lion guy is SO hot can you tell more about him

of COURSE i can tho i should forewarn that i have like six lion guys so im just going to assume you mean blue (blue maned guy) and answer for him since hes the one i draw the most, if u did not mean him then feel free to send another ask and i will talk abt that one instead <3 ANYWAY. BLUE TIME. blues my favorite character! i made him when i was like 10 and hes been my favorite ever since lol. his trans swag is off the charts, he was the guy kid me wanted to be. hes the frontman and lead vocalist of a rock band called head from a hydra and he has complicated and Sometimes Fun relationships w his bandmates, especially his bass player elle who is also bisexual and they have a weird on again off again confusing thing going on, theyve also lived together at some points. hes masc and autistic and extroverted and bad at communication and hes 5'6 and he has amazing pecs bcuz he loves working out. one of my favorite things is making exes for him, bcuz i think its funny. hes pretty down with whatever and definitely not against casual sex or threesomes or things like that and i do find the idea that ppl on twitter would call him bad bisexual rep for it funny. whenever i draw him i get tags like 'is he single' and i always think 'if hes not now he probably will be soon cuz hes kinda bad at this so shoot ur shot'. hes a complicated guy, a Haver of Problems if you will, influenced further by complex trauma. he Struggles a lot with relationships and with his view of himself in them- its hard to resist the 'i need to get out of this' panic for him. one thing about him.. hes a good vocalist but his own ambition was not the only or even main thing that got him where he is. and he'll never be able to forget that (he'll never be ALLOWED to forget that..). and even though he's losing track of what HE wants and feels like hes constantly falling apart, he just buckled down harder into throwing everything he could into his career, bcuz he doesnt know what else to do. everyone knowing his name won't fill that massive hole in his chest <3 also he sucks at skateboarding

ive always wanted to make a comic or smth w him but i love him soo dearly that i wanted my passion for him to translate into a Really Good finished product, its what he deserves, so its been a process coming lol. thats the goal tho!

[3spurrrr]

Do they shower? Weirdly detailed :)

Yuuji: yes! And suprisingly he IS very particular about his hygiene. Like he does use soap and and a washcloth and makes sure that everything is clean. Lowkey I think he sweats a ton and he is quite socially aware so he wouldn't want to be embarrassed about smelling badly around others and make them feel awkward as well

Megumi: girl he will show you that you actually DONT know how to shower. This man uses some techniques and products you have never even thought of. He also takes frequent baths with cute oils and salts and just soaks cuz it's good for his muscles (he likes the warmth of it cuz he is too shy to ask for a hug)

Nobara: lowkey, I think she showers like twice a week (to each their own) but she never smells bad or has any other problems but I can 100% see her shaming you for not showering like everyday/every other day even though she doesn't do that herself hahahaha average nobara based moment

Also she is a brush teeth, do skincare and solve world hunger, beef with imaginary scenario everything all at once in the shower kinda gal

She does fuck heavily with her skincare and haircare routine tho. Like don't fight her on that shit.

Maki: just. Like. Megumi. Don't ask me why or how. It's purely intuitive and I am right. I can see her carrying a weapon into the shower for sureee, that woman is ALERT

I feel like she takes extra good care of her hair. She probably just uses soap on her face cuz she's just that ❤️❤️ and not that her hair is shit but I feel like she secretly likes to do a hair mask and put some special treatment on that scalp

Inumaki: he does shower. He probably is an average shower person. Doesn't take long. Does clean himself properly tho. Maybe he will forget his ass from time to time. I can see him being a tad bit in the "bruh, that's some gay shit" area of thought and belief hahahaha but if so, it's a short short phase don't worry

Panda: .... he smells like the sun 🌞

Inumaki splashes some water on him from time to time or they'll go to a river/ hot spring place and panda would have the time of his life lol

Todo: I can see him being like megumi and he has way too much self respect to let himself not be clean and tidy at all times. Imagine military man.

Idk why but I can imagine him with such a fruity nice scent. Like todo the type to smell like hello kitty perfume or strawberries and watermelon lmaooo

Gojo: yes. But he likes baths for the same REasOnss as megumi, would never admit it tho. He'd be like: baths take too long bla bla bla, showers are 100 times better and efficient

Gojo.... we know. Stop hiding its okay...

Weirdly also puts a lot of emphasis on skincare even though we all know that man can just regenerate himself down to an atom and not let any bacteria touch him ever lol

I also think one of his love languages would be to put his fave EXPENSIVE face masks on you lol cutie 💓

Geto: ....mmmmmmmmmm yeeessssss he can wash you too ;))))))))))

Idk I recently started liking geto and anything he does is just shmexy now

He obv showers very thoroughly and is super super keen on cleanliness in general

Shoko: soaks in baths all day with her wine and cig. Regenerates herself to make her skin go back to normal and would go to work (idk why I feel like gojo and shoko would arrive together :) maaan I just want gojo to have some friends lmao I can imagine shoko just picking up gojo everyday while gojo gets some pancakes for breakfast lol)

Nanamin: do I even have to elaborate ? Of course bro DUHHHH

He showers or takes a bath every night. It relaxes his muscles and helps him sleep better.

Also would know a lot about the chemicals in common products so you will only find some niche brand products that are ethically sourced and mostly natural organic. He doesn't like anything he can't pronounce as an ingredient.

Utahime: yeesss. Only bathes tho. Idk why but I feel like she'd be super condescending about the debate between baths and showers. She'd be all like MIMIMIMI, BATHS ARE SO MUCH BETTER FOR YOUR SKIN AND DIRT ACTUALLY COMES OUT OF YOU MIMIMI

She is quite annoying in my eyes sometimes but I still love herrrrr

Takes good care of her skin, nails and hair and frequently gets massages on her body and face. Uses a gua Sha and rollers and shit to promote blood circulation and keep her looking delicious

Choso: my baby Is just there for the baths and he secretly has a bath duckies collection. He doesn't play with them in the bath but he just collects them around him cuz he always gotta play the big brother father figure SOMEWHERE

I think out of all the people he really WOULD wash his ass hahahaha like choso seems so responsible and reliable I'd trust my life into his hands and my ........ nvm 🙂

Mahito: idk if cursed spirits and stuff can have a smell like humans do, I don't think so, so there is no need for him to Shower tbh unlike choso who still has human traits due to being half human.

I'd think that mahito is either FILTHY AND REEKS or is suupperrrr anal about being clean

Toji: *cue shower panel*

Only showers when there is visible dirt on him lol and since he is a killer he showers every damn day multiple times. Not out of will but out of necessity. Just a bar of soap and his big juicy claw hands. I can't see him using a washcloth sorry

Megumi would have to teach him lol

Norithoshi: yes!!! He is also very particular and I feel like he'd be ocd too about his cleanliness. A mix of nanami and megumi. Sometimes he does too much tho and once damaged his skin barrier but nothing shoko couldn't fix and he couldn't learn from hahaha

Sukunaaaa: I'm extra delusional and hedonistic and indulgent when I think about Kuna. Sooo idc what the fuck you have to say or what the evidence suggest. I don't care that he is a cursed spirit thing too, he is SO SO CLEAN and diligent with his cleanliness

He smells so good too. His hair is nice and soft and his skin is to die for. Literally, truly A GOD, A KINGGGG

Let's you paint his nails often and sometimes you draw dumb shit on them and he scolds you for it but doesn't take your designs off hihihihihi

Mid fight smiles cuz he noticed those nails hihihiihiviviivksdjfjsnakka God help me 😭

[ask-hannah-blog]

Hey.... "Pretzel" again.

I'm gonna be honest this might be kinda TMI but I need to get this out of my chest real bad so here goes.

After that incident at the store, I've been trying really hard to just move on and forget about it. Still though to do that I knew I should delete whatever weird ass "Toe Cleavage" photos I took of this random woman's feet. The problem is, as soon as I open my phone gallery and see the photos I get so fucking embarrassed! I get red-faced from how ashamed I am and then, of course, the fucking clown brain gets me horny!!!

Then a huge fart comes out of my titanic tush and I instantly pop a boner!

FUCKKKK!!!! Ugh, so there I am rubbing myself up and down and eventually I can't take it and I just whip it out. I'm gonna be honest for the past few days I've been kinda neglecting to look after my dick and I think the poor thing was a little antsy to get some action again. So I got no choice but to alleviate my... "tension". I get to it and that's when I finally notice it. I take care of myself so I never really had a particularly smelly penis, but then the thing just hits me with its full-on musk and that's when I realize something else: my dick smells like a hot wiener. Joy.

I can't say I particularly cared at the moment though since I was busy coating my phone's screen with a gallon of cum. I dunno if it was the Estrogen, the clown flu, or me just not spanking it for a while but I was GUSHING.

So obviously once I was done I got to work wiping it all off, especially off my phone. Then a naughty idea struck me:

"what if you just licked it off your phone?"

Despite recognizing the foreign thought, I was still horny so I mentally shrug and go along with it.

Guess what? My jizz tastes like mayonnaise. Good mayo too. So when I'm done lapping that up and I'm nice and satisfied I sit there in my post-nut clarity with one extra craving in my mind: "I could use my own cum as dressing on the stuff I eat." That thought alone makes me feel all loopy and happy and giggly.

So yeah, it was a bit of a crazy evening for me. Have I mentioned how freaking weird clowns are? Cuz my God are we extra with the weirdness sometimes.

The gas is here to stay btw, so screw me I guess! Pretzel out. Have a great day Hannah. Hope I didn't get you too worked up with this.

Pretzel! 🥨

You’re getting so savory with your musky weinie and mayo cum! Hyuck! Or should I say Hyum! Hehe.

It’s always a pleasure to hear from you it sounds like you gave your stuffies quite the show! Next time you should get them in on the show, and put the in the splash zone! Maybe they’ll grow their own little stuffy dildos and fleshlights! Then they can join in on your act.

I think maybe the flu isn’t planning on helping you transition after all. I’m just saying that because generally TFs don’t change things they plan on getting rid of. So if you’re getting a hot dog musk and increasing mayo production, I think the transformation has BIG things in mind. Strange that it’s happening if you’re still on estrogen but I’m beyond trying to understand this mess.

Hehe it really must have some really hot toe cleavage if it’s enough to make you dumb and forget what you’re doing. I almost want to see it! Hehe.

Hmmm if looking at it is distracting you, how are we gonna delete it I wonder…hmmm. I’m open to tips from the audience at that one. My suggestion is to throw that phone into the cornfield and run! But not everyone breaks phones as often as me!

Hehe I’m thinking about your friend on the phone. I wonder if she can sense the crazed half-clown jerking off to her

HOT

TOE

CLEAVAGE

Hehe hyuck I wonder what she’d think. I bet she’d be freaked out, knowing her feet are getting drenched in gallons ofclown cummies every time you look at them!

Ugh it makes me so sad everyone in your little town thinks you’re a freak! I wish I could just bring you home and let you sleep on the couch.

I wish you had a friend over there, or at least a clowny little servant like my Daisy.

Hmmm…

If I did have any psychic clowny powers, I’d send all my vibes towards the lady in that picture. I’d bombard her with clowny waves, so that next time you see her in line she’ll be buying pretzels, hotdogs and Mayonnaise because she’s just been having the STRANGEST cravings! Then you’d know she’s ripe for plucking! Hyuck!

Hehe ha…

But yeah, that foot bomb is crazy with how hard it hits, I felt like I was going crazy at first. But having been though it I do understand what the clowns were telling me when they said it was inevitable I should just accept it, because being in denial of it, it just felt like it was growing and growing inside of me until I popped and became a foot fiend or something. But now I’m just like “Oh I just have a foot fetish, I can manage this.” At least so far, I know some people never get over that it and just become mindless feet fappers.

I guess what I’m saying is i recommend you accepting the hot toe clevage and seeking out material other than that poor woman’s foot so you can develop the fetish at your own pace and not exploding like I did. Just worried if your only exposure to it is an illicit picture you took of a woman without her knowing that behavior might get hardwired in. Don’t want you becoming some creepy stocker clown following ladies around with a camera for the perfect shot of their feet to add to your cum drenched photo wall.

Boy I have a lot to say, I just like keeping up with you Pretzel!

Okay last thing.

I love you just ripping ass before going to town on yourself. That’s just full on hedonism, pig stuff. Just announcing to the world “hey I’m here to fuck! Lol. You know, so long as you’re not just huffing your own gas while shaking hands with the mayor I think it’s fine. It’s a normal bodily function, so being a little gassy is nothing to be embarrassed of.

Until next time Pretzel! We’re all rooting for you. Hehe we’re all tooting for you! 😂

Ms Hannah!

[strawberry31]

Ever have naturally curly hair and decide to straighten it for a change for a few days and you look really nice cuz everyone is used to ur curly hair. So now ur straight haired for a few day but then decide to shower cuz it been a while and u have to.

So you are showering rn and you smell a weird smell, like disgusting weird and it kinda smells like sewage water but you think nothing of it. You do your curly hair after shower routine and skincare and stuff and now ur all clean and happy but you go like “this smell still isnt gone!”

Boom, your uncle pays you a surprise visit so ur like “wow hi uncle” and then while he is talking w fam, you go to ur mom and say how the shower water smells like sewage water and then ur uncle goes like “yeahh that makes sense cuz when you told me u showered i was confused cuz you smelled like shit” and now ur like ouch, wtf uncle?!?

And then everyone is smelling ur hair saying how gross you smell, and then you bring up how ur hair isnt as curly as it usually is after u shower and ur hair feels lighter, which is so unusual since u have rlly curly and thick hair, so everyone assumes its the burnt hair from the straightener that changed ur hairs DNA or some shit like that and some bitch says that the next few months ur hair wont be as curly as usual and more straight until it goes back to normal.

Now ur freaking out cuz everyone says u smell like shit when u just took a shower, ur hair is damaged when its always so healthy and you take good care of it and everyone un school n stuff complements you on ur hair to the point where its the only thing ur not insecure ab and now that ruined too, so everyone says, go shower again, maybe the smell disappears but ur like no! Cuz i did did my skin and hair routine and now thats a waste of product of its like 5 against 1 so you take another shower and it only gets worse.

And on top of all of that, school is shit, homework is shit, and u have a realllyyy bad fever so ur headache is shit now aswell.

Only thing not insecure ab: ruined

Headache: worsened

Smell: sewage

Fever: stuffy nose x100000

Time wasted: 2.5 hours

Products (shampoo, hairmask/conditioner, skin / after shower hair routine etc..): waste of product

Now ur crying cuz of this shit.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!?!

Oh yay my hair is ruined and i smell like ass🤭🥳❤️🩷💋🥰😍😜

THE FUCK?!?

Thanks for reading my slay, awesome, supper, wholesome, delicious, fantastic vent.

[kudzucataclysm]

answering this portion of the q from earlier-

There’s honestly plenty of potential ‘bad’ takes about SE and the story’s characters that anyone out there can make- maybe they make assumptions based off the trigger warnings or themes, maybe they see my little doodles and mini comics about just how fucked up these characters are and it’s not their cup of tea, etc etc. Weirdly enough tho, that’s something that i’m looking…forward to seeing? Like just the potential drama and arguments over certain things/plotlines/characters in this story sounds like it’d be juicy. I can see a future me holding a glass of wine laughing maniacally at the computer screen all giddy with excitement over it. or something idk-

BUT specific takes….here’s a rough list (ALL COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL):

“Lack of wholesome queer characters and plotlines” or something along those lines. Something to the tune of “i’m using fiction to escape reality so i don’t want any queer stories to be edgy and dark and violent, i want all the characters to be pure cinnamon rolls who’ve never done anything wrong EVER”, and just make assumptions about SE over the majority of the cast being queer AND horrible people. Like if SE isn’t your thing, that’s fine. But if someone were to say that its shit for including darker themes then I’d feel like they’d need to retake some highschool english classes or something

“This story puts queer people in a negative light” Shocking development at 1am EST…QUEER PEOPLE CAN BE EVIL AND DO HORRIBLE BAD THINGS!!! THE HORROR

“Why isn’t everyone’s identity and pronouns spelled out for me from the moment they’re introduced” cause immmm lazyyyyy and don’t really consider their identities as super ultra mega important in a way-

“WHY ARE THERE SLURS!!! WHY ARE SOME OF THE CHARACTERS RACIST!!!!!! THIS IS CONDONING-“ the world ended in the 1960s and everything got worse from there. the door is that way 👉🏼

“Everyone in this story is fucked up. Nobodies normal, all of these characters are just terrible, horrible people, how do i root for them” then i’ve accomplished SOMETHING that i’ve wanted to do FOREVER-

“Why is the protagonist such a crybaby”. He’s 14 and a little bit fucked up okay. and he IS a baby so THERE

“Why is the protagonist boring” Cuz i’m tired of the ‘uwu powerless softie turns out to be the son of fucking GOD all along’ trope in a way. Dez is important in his own way and this just makes the story more interesting when cosmic forces are pushing down on him and his bestie and he kinda has to go a little loco to deal with it

“Why is the protagonist chubby/fat, it just isn’t realistic for the setting and type of story” what if i killed you violently with a rock

“The Martians aren’t realistic and their biology/culture/behavior is confusing” yes it’s meant to be. They’re artificially created, their eyeballs function as ovaries, their blood is literal oil and they go off like nukes when they die. It’s meant to be kind of stupid and self indulgent and their origins are a mystery to themselves

“The Martians do incest? That means you SUPPORT incest!!!” No, absolutely not. The story doesn’t even make it in a positive light, it’s very much a product of their oddly misogynistic, mysterious culture, and isn’t touched upon too much in the story. Also they’re aliens and don’t follow the same biological rules as humans at ALL.

“Francis is terrible trans rep” SHE’S MEANT TO BE TERRIBLE

“Francis’s alcoholism is condoning underage drinking” Okay man

“Everything is way too convoluted and there’s just too much going on, who would want to read this” MEEEEEEEEE!!!! I WANNA READ THIS

“This story glorifies child abusers cuz of the existence of a character like Thursday and how he’s often portrayed-” Are you hearing yourself rn. stop and think. for a Moment ✋🏼🛑

“I can’t believe you’re trying to paint Friday/Hammond as a good person for-“ when. When did I say that. I’ve been explicitly saying that they’re both wrong this entire time-

“Having the man-eating Martians and Chimera be brown skinned is racist” shore thangggg buddy

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head rn…tbh i think the fake ones from before are a lot better than these ones LOL

[ineedacalicocat]

Same anon with the latest long post! About the dance discourse i totally agree with you! Jhope was always so jealous of jm cuz of jm's immense talent and it's also smth I dont wanna get into or have the energy for anymore but it was something that made me the most mad all these years. And I thought jm was always better than everyone combined since the day I watched their first performances but after bst i really dreamt seeing jm in big dance productions etc so I totally feel you with that! And you saying this makes it more credible than me if you danced more than 20 years cuz I thought all this only as an audience and not a dancer ♥️

AS a dancer myself its actually harder to be this vertaile. Cause some people learn dancing and some just dance. Jimin is one of them he doesnt even need a choreography choreaogpy needs him. You give him a choreography he will bend it to his needs. It will be his chography. He is just insane man. Jhope is a normal street dancer like people from those youtube videos. I dont think he is one in a million kinda dancer. You can find million jhopes. There are even better ones. Just check one million on youtube. I can show you at elast 10 jhopes. But you cant show me one jimin. You just cant. Even on that black swan mv when they needed someone who could dance at the back with their shadow jhope did it for namjoon it was so bad the director wanted jimin jimin literally then did it for all the members he couldnt even go home daldalşssşad they wanted him to do jungkook and sugas too. Even his shadow is sooo amazing. Like wtf. I always say this jimin just wasted his talents in korea in bts. I also wanted to see him in big stages dancing to what he wants. Not just some 50 seconds long bighit video. I wanted a whole 30 minutes jimi dancin videos. He could have been dancing in royal ballet in london or chicago but instead he jsut choce bts and korea. I think jimin would feel himslef better in europe. Cause koreans and korea is not a good enviroment for jimin and his talents. But nothing can be done anymore. Its passed.

[fxirybun]

ooh the timing of my asks with ur class hehe how cool! anyway yeah what I personally enjoy abt readings is getting different perspective or almost an entirely different opinion of how I view someone or an idol etc. some of the ones I least expect actually I find I end up liking a little more because readings give them different image compared to what the internet often makes up loads of nonsense about an idol and they kinda run with it as tho its who the idol actually is and I also like and enjoy when an idol can use it to express something that they cant in front of their fans. cause ive seen the huge shitshow a lot of their so called "fans" tend to display very immature behaviour towards idols these days. so its not like they can just offer up how they really feel about something can they? as they know how folk are going to overreact to it.

btw I went to an antique shop and was going to buy a tarot deck or two but the prices of them like its cheaper to get them online so I might have to do that unless I find them somewhere else for good price. They also had crystals and other cool pendulum type stuff too

how did ur class go?

it did become an eye-opener for fans who are keen to tarot. some persons act upon their emotions first before they rationalize , which could be one of the possible explanations for why they display youngish behaviour. the whole "your brain will mature at the age of 25" concept explains it.

i'm pretty sure they can express what they're truly feel (ex: jungkook's ig and newjeans' live) but their obstacle would be the fear about their company / agency's & the public's reaction.

you should purchase it online instead as a way for you to save up your money to invest in other stuff ^^ the products tend to be pricier in stores due to the shop's maintenance and the salary of employees. not to mention that you get to use virtual coupons too which is a great deal for me as someone who's a broke college student (҂⌣̀_⌣́)

i just recently bought a pendulum online and still waiting for it to arrive. still thinking about purchasing crystals because i have a blockmate who's into crystals showed me her collection. she has amethyst , rose quartz , clear quartz , etc. it definitely made me want to own one lmao 😆 'cause during our pre-test she got a whole score. i asked her what she did and said "oh actually i didn't review. i just brought my amethyst with me and placed it at my pocket and then crammed the whole test".

your girlie here is failing ahajajha 🥲 i'm bad at using javascript. my advice for upcoming freshies is to not take any course that has a computer subject ( ´•̥-•̥` )

or maybe i'm just unlucky to be not good in tech stuff cuz i'm more of a sci , philo / socio , literature person... it was nice hearing your tid bits of your daily life !

[blueempty]

As promised, the pics from yesterday

Star ocean First Departure R got a bitch layed up at night with 17 gamefaqs guides open goin ooooh so thats item creation

All i've done today was play Star Ocean because LAST NIGHT you see, what occured was, the lady at work who's mind is an enigma to me, started THREE tests that take forever, even though she knew she wouldnt have time to finish them, and then she left and I happened to have slept bad and I got in at 5pm. Then when I started filtering the second set of thingies the fuckin adhesive from the bandaids was gumming up the filters so they wouldnt filter and I was there for 10 hours. So thats why I didnt post pics yesterday. But it worked out cuz I didnt go outside today

Star Ocean is super good and its nebulous and confusing in a way I really like. I dont own Second Story yet even though that one is why I started playing the first one, but i may start a second run of the first game right after I finish it cuz its the kind of game where theres like 13 characters but you can only have 8 for the whole game and some of them conflict with others. So right at the start when I accepted Cyuss into my party I was instantly locked out of 3 other characters and two of them I really wanted. So the other characters and new dialogue has me wanting to play again, and also the fact that I understand how everything works now, so I can make my characters fucked up and busted earlier on and not waste so many resources

Ive been kinda listless, I think thats the word? I feel like a ghost haunting my apartment and workplace and I've been having a hard time deciding what to do with my free time. I think its cuz I havent had more than a one day weekend in like a month. But I got a normal weekend right now and then I'm gonna take thursday off for big food shopping and also valentines day so hopefully I'll be better soon. Last month I had a burst of productivity and then crashed really hard. I'm trying to keep up with drawing and kana though. Ive been doing quizes on my japanese app and the last like, 8 hiragana are kickin my ass but I'm doing pretty good otherwise. I gotta get back to Fairune 1 speed running too, someone just posted a 37 minute in game time run and I was like damn!!! I wanna do that

Peace and Long Life

[stomachimage4u]

So idk what in doing. Im gonna explain why i need to die. First of all nobody can convince me that i deserve to live because im a waste of space and oxygen. Everyday i wake up and play games or draw. I dont do anything productive such as studying or reading or exercising. Im too lazy to do stuff like that. Im too lazy to even write rn 😭 i wish my mind could write it for me and i wouldnt need my fingers to type. Im so lazy i dont clean my room, but its not like its too messy i just have to fold my clothes and vacuum and organise. Ok nvm my room is messy. I disappoint my mon. Sometimes i just cant bring myself to do the chores i do them from time to time but i sometimes scoff and throw myself in my bed. I dont see myself in the future. Yeah sure i have drawing skillz but can i really turn them into a job?? Nuh uh artists dont get paid a lot and its going to be even more horrible. Jobs for artist could be: commissions but you have to be very popular on social media, i mean its kinda optional but you need a lot of commissions to pay the bills. Another job as an artist could be clout but its almost same as the commissions. There are a lot of jobs, but its not like i can do any of them. They require skillz that i dont have. You could improve but it takes a lot of time. Art is just another hobby and i dont think i would take it to next level. Another reason that i should die?? For i should die?? Fuck english, is that im fucking ugly. I hate my hair because for at least 2 or 3 years i always kept it in a low ponytail because i look uglier with my hair down. I hate myself i wish I wasn’t so self conscious about my hair . I wish i could get a cool haircut without my mom saying something about it. I would still look cringe with a cool haircut cuz people dont really see me with my hair down not even my mom, and if i let my hair down they gonna b like :”omg she finnally let go of the ponytail” or sum like respectfully stfu, youre making me more insecure. I hate my face. I have a lot of pimples on my forehead. I mean its normal to have pimples but it isnt for me. Like what the fuck???? I havent eaten shit like chips and coke in since summer vacation started and my skin still looks horrible. Its true i sometimes forget to do the skin care routine because im lazy. I hate my eyebrowz. They are so fucking thick😭. I wish i should just give them a slimmer shape but my mom says that my eyebrowz are ok. Yeah, no. They arent. I hate my teeth. They are so yellowish because i sometimes forget to brush my teeth and even if i remember to brush them and actually do it, i give out no effort and i just move the brush in my mouth for 30 seconds and then leave. I dont have the BEST hygiene, i do shower two times a week but i dont really brush my hair or my teeth. I hate being a girl. I dont wanna shave but i still have to because i dont look “feminine” or some shit like stfu i dont wanna shave im lazy. In the end i still shave cuz my mom tells me its for the better. So i hate myself so much, i wanna rip my hair off my head and scream loud AAAAA. And if im so ugly, nobody would want me. I need to be pretty to feel loved. I crave some much attention and love nobody understands. I mean, my parents love me right?? Idk they both are at they jobs and come home late and idk if they forget about me or nah. So now, i have the MOST important reason why i should die. Im egoist and narcissist. I only care for myself, i do things for myself, not for others. I imagine or daydream how i would get a lot of attention and that narcissism because uhhhh i read on the internet and ur prolly gonna be like “dont believe whats on the internet” well fuck it i mean it makes sense to be narcissist and imagine getting a lot of attention. Im a bad person, i make people around me disappointed or sad. So yeah, these were all the reasons why i should die. There's one more reason. I'm stupid but I'm not gonna explain everything you get the point.

[lion-buddy]

Thoughts on the Tanjiro and Nezuko role swap au?

Oh i love the swap au!! I think abt it alot in my own time. Ive always wanted to like, make my own content abt it but i tend to get pretty stuck on the mechanics of everything

Like, taking the world building of kny and applying it to a swap is super interesting to me, and i like trying to work it out. But there are a lot of specifics in kny that are harder to work around in a swap au. But thats not a bad thing! If anything it leads to more interesting story telling because it ensures that the swap isnt to 1 to 1. its just, a lot of work. and would take a lot of planning. If i were to like, write out a timeline of how i think the swap au would go, id have to figure out exactly how the mechanics and all the plot reasoning first. Cuz the way i see, it once you establish the world and lore rules, you can better mold the characters around that. 

To start, demon tanjiro is such an interesting concept on its own. I feel hes the easier of the two to establish a character for, because we have his canon series counterpart to go off of. We can pick and choose from the many traits we’re given in canon and apply them to demon tanjiro, and its really fun reinterpreting them.  Demon tanjiro basically takes the whole Im The Eldest Sibling trait to the extreme, and turning it into what giudes his reasoning now that he's stuck in a demon mindset (presumably similar to canon nezukos). Older Brother tanjiro is the best. :D  

I can still see him being that little ray of sunshine he always is and just, being stuck to nezukos side at all time, whether it be in protection, or just wanting to help her with daily tasks. Like a lost little puppy <:D. Hes just fueled by the desire to be productive and helpful because that's where he thrives, and hes just going to do what feels correct in his little demon mind. I can see him like, taking things out of nezukos hands wordlessly to carry for her because his reasoning is, “little sister shouldnt be the one carrying everything. Im the eldest sibling! I will do the heavy lifting for her!! >:[].” meanwhile nezuko just like, “brother can i pls have my bento box back pls i appreciate ur help but that's not what i need <:3!!” hes just trying to help in anyway he can, even if he doesn't fully understand why/what hes doing. 

I feel tanjiros presence would also be very important to nezuko. Shes young, and the only one there for her is her demon brother. While hes not able to speak, nezuko would still have one sided conversations with him. And in moments wheres shes unsure of what to do, she’d just think, “what would oniichan do?” because even if he can’t offer advice now, he’s still her older brother, and she looks up to him, demon or not.

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Roleswap nezuko is interesting. We already have such a well established personality for tanjiro, but nezuko can be a little tricky since we dont have a lot to go off of in canon. Theres bits and pieces we can take and interpret to the best of our abilities, and it kinda makes it more fun (for me at least) cuz we get to see how people interpret her character in so many different ways. :]

i actually came up with a design for her! nezuko is canonically good a sewing, or at least knows how to. her haori is made of up her old kimono and obi. i feel the checker pattern is important to keep because its kinda what all the kamados wear. also shorts/hand cropped uniform pants. i wanted to do pants but they didnt mesh well with her black leg wraps </3 (also pluggin my old hair timeline post bc its relevant <3)

(i didnt design a swap tanjiro bc hed just look like ep 1 tanjiro but muzzled. but he might have an outfit change like nezuko did in ep one.)

My TLDR version of early story swap nezuko is basically: During the beginning of her journey as a official demon slayer, she is veryyyy determined to change tanjiro back to a human as fast as she can, and is essentially bee-lining it from mission to mission. People are fine, but she is not going to linger for too long if she doesnt have to. Shes got her brother! And thats all the company she needs :]. this of course changes as she meets, trains, and fights alongside other people. She learns to slow down and appreciate the people around her more and how they can help her cause too.

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When trying to write out how the events of a swap au would go, i try to take nezukos character into mind ensure her experiences are different from tanjiros. Because they're different characters, different people, even if they face off against the same demon/character, they're going approach it differently, and have different takeaways from the things they experience

Now as much as i would love to write out/draw detailed scenes, that's a lot of work and planning and time that i do not really have atm. And i'd need to figure out A Lot of in world mechanics in order to create something I would be proud of. But in the meantime, i can establish a scene with nezukos' emotional beats to get a feel for her :D!

In the giyu confrontation scene in ep 1, nezukos first “emotional” arc would have a very different setup, almost opposite to tanjiros. When giyu steals the now fully demon tanjiro from nezuko, she’d be really angry at him. Shes angry someone thinks they can just take her brother away from her, dare to hurt him even, just because they think theyre stronger, just because think they know whats right (giyu ofc is just doing his best but. she doesnt know that </3). At first she’d try to retaliate, fight back immediately, in any way she physically can to get tanjiro back, but of course it wouldnt work out very gracefully. Shes no where near skilled enough to face a hashira, but she doesnt care. Her actions are blinded by her grief and rage from any rational thought. All she sees is this man stabbing her brother, threatening to kill him, and shes the only one who can save him. she has too. hes all shes got left. and this man is in threatening that. She’d tire herself out pretty quickly and fall to the ground, to tired to make another move. When giyu sees this, she’d get talked at for being too brash, running into a situation without thinking, without a plan, with only a goal in mind and no way to execute it. In a battle, you need to remember the people that youre trying to protect, not just the target youre trying to destroy. You need to remember who youre fighting for, cuz you cant fight for them if youre dead. Anyway funny axe throw scene now [insert plot things that happen that i have yet yo work out yet because the involve swap tanjiro. hes gonna be intersting] and we’re done. Even if her efforts to save her brother didnt turn out, there is potential to hone that determination into something, and giyu recognizes this. He believes that its something nezuko can effectively use if trained properly, maybe even help her find answers for her brother. After waking up, giyu would send the kamados off to urokodakis to be trained.

TLDR nezuko has really bad tunnel vision <3

We’re told in canon that Nezuko was not afraid to stand up to an adult if they were being mean, even if she's the smaller one in the situation. This trait is exhibited through her actions in Nezuko vs Daki, and I thought it was good scene to reference for how this scene might play out. i find the situation to be similar here. While it may seem out of her gentle character archetype, weve seen time and time again how fiercely she protects the people she cares about. hell, we even see her do the same thing in this scene in ep 1 when tanjiro is passed out!! In this moment if swap, she’s in shock, having just lost her entire family. she has already broke, this is just pushing it!!

i reallly wanna write more for this post but it is already. long lol. i have a few blurbs of texts about certain topics, and hopefully i can share them someday because i!! really like thinking abt this stuff! i really want to solidify and share my interpretation of demon tanjiro and how he works. things like how nezuko approaches battle and her overall fighting style. how the kamados fight together and help each other protect those they care about. maybe one day!