#it makes me feel genuinely very angry and awful i don’t know what to do with my hands

[salsflore]

GFHHGJ... texted my classmate for help with something and shes already being so irritating!!! and i can’t bring myself to look forward to tomorrow

[m4rv3l-girl]

Slowly…

Bucky and Y/N have been dating for a while, but have yet to explore anything more intimate than making out like teenagers. Maybe things will change when Bucky finally faces his fears.

Warnings: smut. Oral f!recieving. Protected p in v sex. Slight fear of intimacy. Touch starved Bucky?

The hum of the Stark Tower HVAC system was basically white noise.

Bucky Barnes sat sprawled across the couch, one arm looped loosely around Y/N’s shoulders, the other cradling a steaming mug of chamomile tea. Both of them contently sleepy. The windows stretched tall across the living room wall, casting gold-tinged light from the setting sun over the exposed brick and sleek furniture, remnants of Tony’s compulsive over-design.

Y/N, nestled into Bucky’s side with a blanket tugged over both of their legs, sighed softly. Her head was tucked perfectly beneath his chin, like it belonged there. Bucky liked that. He liked that a lot more than he’d ever admit aloud. Especially since Sam would absolutely never let him live it down if he caught wind of Bucky Barnes being the little spoon. Again.

“You know,” Y/N said, voice low and thoughtful, “you’re actually not as terrifying as everyone makes you out to be.”

Bucky huffed a laugh, lifting his mug in mock salute. “Thanks, doll. I’ll make sure to update my LinkedIn.”

She laughed against his chest, the sound vibrating into his sternum and tugging a rare, genuine smile from him. “No, seriously. You’re... sweet. You hold the door open. You bring me coffee just the way I like it. You’re weirdly obsessed with The Great British Bake Off.”

“I plead the Fifth.”

“Oh, come on. You cried when Rahul won.”

He groaned, tilting his head back against the couch and covering his face with the vibranium hand. “I didn’t cry. I just - had feelings. That’s normal. Rahul is a very talented man.”

“You’re soft.”

“I’m six feet tall and made of war crimes.”

She snorted. “You’re my soft war crime.”

“Jesus Christ.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. The kind that only came after months of slow trust-building, of soft confessions over late-night tea, of tentative hand-holding and the quiet awe in Bucky’s eyes when she didn’t flinch away from the cold press of metal fingers. It wasn’t perfect, Bucky still had nights where he woke up gasping, sweat-soaked and angry at ghosts only he could see, but Y/N never left. Never treated him like he was broken or dangerous. Just… human.

He hadn’t realized how much he missed being seen as human until she came along.

“You ever think about…” Y/N began, then paused, fingers tracing idle shapes along his thigh. “Us. Like, going further?”

Bucky blinked, the words taking a second to register through the sleepy haze.

“Further?”

She tilted her head to glance up at him, cheeks flushed. “Yeah. Like… more than just kissing on your couch and pretending we don’t both want more.”

Oh.

Bucky’s breath hitched, but not from discomfort. Not exactly. More like the entire world had suddenly gone still and very, very focused.

He’d thought about it. Of course he had. He was a hundred and six years old, not dead.

But there was always a wall. Not one she had built. Y/N had never rushed him, but one he’d carried with him since Hydra carved up his mind like Thanksgiving turkey. Intimacy meant vulnerability. And vulnerability had always gotten him hurt or used.

“I do think about it,” he said finally, voice soft. “All the time, actually.”

Y/N shifted slightly, giving him room to see her expression. She looked open. Patient. Like she wasn’t expecting anything except honesty. That helped. That grounded him.

“But I also think about messing it up,” he admitted. “I think about what if I freeze up? Or what if I have some flashback in the middle of it and ruin everything?”

“You wouldn’t ruin anything,” she said immediately. “You could never ruin this.”

He wanted to believe her. Hell, part of him already did. But old instincts didn’t die easily. He reached for her hand with his metal one, letting their fingers twine together. That felt real. Solid.

“I guess I just need to know you’re okay with taking it slow. That you don’t feel like you’re waiting for me to turn into someone else.”

Y/N’s smile was soft and fierce all at once. “Bucky, I didn’t fall for the Winter Soldier. I fell for the guy who leaves sticky notes on the fridge reminding me to drink water. Who calls Sam ‘bird brain’ like it’s a love language. Who watched all three Lord of the Rings movies with me even though he thought Frodo should’ve just used the eagles.”

“Don’t tell me I was wrong.”

She laughed, then leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m okay with slow. I’m okay with whatever pace you want. I’m here because I want you.”

Bucky let out a slow breath, tension he hadn’t realized he was holding bleeding from his shoulders. “Okay,” he murmured. “Then yeah. Maybe we take that step. Sometime soon.”

A beat.

The quiet stretched out like a warm blanket, thick with anticipation. Bucky’s thumb traced the line of her knuckles, and the room felt too hot and too cold at the same time. He knew he could say no. He knew she’d understand. But the way she said it - so gentle, so earnest - he couldn’t find the words to refuse.

“Soon,” she murmured, reading the hesitation in his eyes. “Whenever you’re ready. I just - I want you to know that I’m here. That I want to be there for you, every step of the way.”

Bucky nodded, his throat tight with emotions he hadn’t let himself feel in so long. It was strange, this feeling of safety, of belonging. It didn’t sit easily with him, but it was growing more familiar with every beat of her heart against his side. He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words.

“You make it easier, doll,” he said finally. “You make a lot of things easier.”

Y/N leaned into him, her arm curling around his waist. Her hair smelled faintly of coconut shampoo and mint toothpaste. The scent was comforting, like home.

“I’ll always be here for you, you know that,” she whispered, her breath warm against his neck. “For all the hard parts. And the easy ones too. For the baking shows and the bad jokes and the quiet nights just like this one. I’m all in, Bucky. Whatever it takes to help you feel whole again.”

The weight of her words settled into his chest, nestling in alongside his beating heart. It was a heavy burden, but somehow, with her, it felt lighter.

They watched the light change outside the window, the sky deepening into shades of purple and pink. The sounds of the city grew distant, swallowed up by their shared warmth. Bucky’s arm tightened around her, pulling her closer, and she curled into him, her hand coming to rest over his heart.

It was a promise. A silent vow.

He took a sip of his now lukewarm tea and sighed, the warmth of her against him a stark contrast to the cold metal of his arm. It was moments like these that made him feel alive, made him realize that maybe, just maybe, he could have a life beyond the shadows of his past.

“What’s the first thing you’d wanna do?” he asked, turning to look at her. Her eyes searched his, looking for any signs of doubt or fear. But all she’d find was the truth. The reality was that, at present, their sex life was non-existent.

Y/N thought for a moment, her expression softening into a smile. “I don’t mind….what would you want to do..?” She didn’t want to commit to something that he wasn’t comfortable with.

Bucky considered this.

"I just want to be with you," he said, his voice low and sincere. "I want to hold you, and kiss you, and just… explore. Nothing crazy, just… us. Getting to know each other that way."

Her smile grew, lighting up the room even as the shadows grew longer. "That sounds perfect," she whispered.

The air was thick with a tension that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with desire. He could feel the pulse of her heart beneath her palm, and he knew she felt his too, a steady rhythm that grew stronger with every breath they took together.

They sat for a while longer, just watching the day turn to night. Bucky's mind raced with the possibilities of what this could mean for them, but he forced himself to stay present, to enjoy the simplicity of their entwined fingers and the warmth of her body.

Eventually, Y/N sat up, her hand slipping away from his heart to rest on his cheek. She turned to face him, her eyes searching his, looking for any trace of doubt. But all she found was a man who was ready to take the next step.

“Okay,” she said, her voice steady. “Let’s go slow. We’ll figure it out together. No pressure, just us getting to know each other more intimately. I’m here, Bucky. We’re in this together, remember?”

Bucky nodded, his pulse quickening at the thought of what lay ahead. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to be this open with someone, to let go of the fear that had become second nature. But with her, it felt possible.

They stood up, and he set the mug of tea down on the side table with a gentle clink. Y/N reached for his hand, lacing her fingers through his. She led him to the bedroom, her movements sure and unhurried.

The room was dimly lit, the curtains drawn just enough to allow the fading light to cast a soft glow over the bed. Bucky felt his heart rate spike as she turned to face him, her gaze never wavering from his own. She stepped closer, her hand sliding up to his chest, then around to his neck.

Her touch was tentative at first, a gentle question. But as Bucky leaned into it, she grew bolder, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw, her thumb brushing against his lower lip. He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath, and she leaned in to capture his mouth in a kiss that was sweet and full of promise.

Her other hand slid down his side, her fingers brushing against the fabric of his shirt. Bucky’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer, the heat between them growing with every second. The kiss deepened, and he felt the first stirrings of something he’d almost forgotten - desire, untainted by fear or duty.

When they broke apart, panting slightly, Bucky opened his eyes to find her smiling up at him. She reached for the hem of her shirt, her movements slow and deliberate. He watched as she lifted it over her head, revealing the soft curves of her body.

He took a deep breath, his metal hand hovering over her bare skin for a moment before he let it rest gently on her waist.

Y/N's eyes searched his, looking for the answer to the unspoken question. Bucky nodded, his decision made.

They moved in unison, Bucky helping her to remove the rest of her clothing, his movements slow and careful, as if handling something fragile and precious. Each piece of clothing that fell away revealed more of her, and with it, a part of her soul that he hadn't seen before. Her trust in him was palpable, a silent demand that he not break her. And he knew, with a sudden fierceness, that he never would.

Her skin was warm under his touch, and she shivered as he traced the outline of her collarbone with his thumb. He felt his own heart racing, a thunderous beat that echoed in his ears.

They lay down on the bed, the mattress giving slightly under their combined weight.

Her eyes never left his, the same gentle expression on her face that had been there since the moment she’d brought it up. He felt the pressure of her hand, the softness of her skin, and the way her breath hitched as he kissed her again, his metal fingers brushing against the softness of her stomach. It was a strange sensation, this mix of cold and warm, of hard and soft, of past and present.

Bucky’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, but he pushed them aside, focusing only on the here and now. He didn’t want to think about the past, didn’t want to ruin this moment with the specter of his former life. This was about them, about what they were choosing to build together.

He leaned over her, pressing tender kisses along her neck and collarbone, feeling the thrum of her pulse beneath his lips. Her skin was like silk, and her scent was intoxicating, a blend of warmth and vanilla that he’d come to associate with home. Her breathy sighs were music to his ears, each one a silent encouragement to explore further.

Her fingers danced over his shoulders, her nails lightly scraping against his skin as she guided him closer, urging him to explore. His heart hammered in his chest, a reminder of the life he had reclaimed, the humanity he had fought to keep.

Their kiss grew deeper, more urgent, as if they were both trying to convey the depth of their feelings without words. Bucky’s hand traveled up her side, feeling the curve of her hip, the softness of her skin, the warmth that emanated from her core. He was acutely aware of every touch, every breath, the way she arched into his mouth when he kissed her just right. It was as if he was mapping out a new territory, one that was uncharted and full of wonder.

The room was filled with the sound of their mingled breaths, the rustle of fabric, the quiet sighs that escaped their lips. Y/N’s hand slipped under his shirt, her fingers brushing against the warmth of his skin. He stilled for a moment, waiting, but she didn’t pull away.

Bucky felt something unlock inside of him, a door that had been sealed shut for so long he’d almost forgotten it was there. It was a rush of sensation, of need, that made his head spin and his heart race. He kissed her again, harder this time, his hand sliding down to the small of her back, pressing her closer.

Y/N’s legs parted, inviting him in, and Bucky’s heart stuttered in his chest. He’d never been this intimate with someone who knew all of him, who had seen the darkest corners of his soul and chosen to stay. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

He took a moment to breathe, to steady himself. He didn’t want to rush this, didn’t want to scare her away with his intensity. But when he pulled back, her eyes were dark with desire, matching the pulse in his veins. She didn’t look scared. She looked hungry.

They moved together in a dance that was both new and familiar, their bodies speaking a language that didn’t require words. He felt the heat of her skin, the softness of her curves, the way she molded against him as if they’d been made for this. It was a revelation, a reminder that he was more than the sum of his parts.

Bucky’s hand slid up her thigh, his thumb brushing against the lace of her underwear. He felt her shiver and knew that she was just as ready as he was. He took a deep breath, trying to slow his racing heart. This was it. The moment he’d feared and craved in equal measure. But with her, it didn’t feel scary. It felt right.

Y/N’s hand reached for the hem of his shirt, her eyes never leaving his. He raised his arms, letting her pull it off. The cool air of the room kissed his bare skin, making him shiver. She traced the lines of his abs with her fingertips, her eyes taking in every inch of him with a mix of awe and affection.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmured, her voice a warm caress against his ear.

Bucky felt a blush creep up his cheeks, a rare and welcome sensation. He’d never been one for compliments, but coming from her, it felt like the most profound truth he’d ever heard. He kissed her again, his hand sliding up to cup her breast, feeling the weight of it in his palm.

They moved together, exploring each other with gentle touches and whispered sighs. Bucky’s mind was a blur of sensation, each new discovery a revelation. The way she tasted, the way she felt, the way she made him feel. It was like coming home after a long, cold war, finding warmth in the most unexpected of places.

He felt her hand on the elastic of his sweatpants, and he stilled for a moment. This was the part that had always been a minefield before. But she didn’t look up at him with fear or hesitation. Just love. So he let her continue, his breath catching in his throat as she touched him, skin to skin.

Y/N’s hand was warm and sure, and Bucky couldn’t help but gasp as she touched him, her thumb rubbing against the sensitive skin just beneath the waistband. The fabric was the last barrier between them, and the anticipation was almost too much to bear.

With a trembling hand, Bucky reached down to help her, his heart racing as he pushed his pants down. The coolness of the air against his skin was a stark contrast to the heat of their bodies, and he watched as she took him in, her eyes wide and filled with a hunger that made him feel alive in a way he hadn’t been in decades.

They kissed again, a kiss that was more than just a meeting of lips, it was a declaration of trust, of love, of the shared hope that this could be the start of something beautiful. He felt her hand slide down, her fingertips dancing against his skin, until she reached the bulge in his boxers, and he let out a soft groan that seemed to resonate through the very core of his being.

Her hand was tentative at first, exploring his hardness with gentle strokes. But as Bucky’s grip tightened on the sheets and his breathing grew ragged, she grew bolder. Her touch was a whispered promise of what was to come, a gentle reminder that she was here for him, that he wasn’t alone.

He slid his hand down to cover hers, their fingers intertwining as they found a rhythm that sent shockwaves through his body. The warmth of her hand, the softness of her skin, the way she looked at him - it was almost too much to handle. But he didn’t pull away. He leaned into it, craving more.

With a tremble, Bucky reached for the clasp of her bra, his metal digits fumbling slightly. But she was patient, smiling up at him as he finally managed to free her from the garment. Her breasts were perfect in his eyes, the soft mounds fitting perfectly into his palms. He brushed his thumbs over her nipples, watching as they pebbled beneath his touch, and she gasped into his mouth. The sensation of skin against skin was electric, sending currents of pleasure through him that he hadn’t felt in what felt like an eternity. He’d been so afraid of this moment, but here it was, and it was nothing like he’d feared. It was gentle, it was kind, it was everything he’d hoped for.

He broke the kiss to kiss his way down her neck, her chest, her stomach. He took his time, savoring each new inch of her that was revealed to him. Y/N’s breath hitched as his mouth reached the apex of her thighs, his tongue tracing a line along her inner thigh before dipping closer to where she was wet and waiting for him. He felt a small twist of doubt and self consciousness, he hadn’t actually done this since the 40s.

Her legs fell open to encourage him, and Bucky took a moment to breathe her in, to appreciate the trust she was giving him.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” She assured. He kissed her gently, his tongue teasing against her slit, her taste a rich mix of sweetness and desire. Y/N’s body arched off the bed, and she let out a soft moan, her hand sliding into his hair to guide him, to show him just how she liked it.

Bucky took his cues from her, his touch gentle and explorative. He’d never been with someone who knew the extent of his past, who had seen the monster he’d been made into. But here she was, her body open to him, welcoming him in. Her thighs trembled around his head as he worked his way down. His tongue found the spot that made her gasp. She was wet, slick against his mouth and he groaned, his cock pulsing with every soft whimper she made.

He could feel the tension coiling in her, tightening like a spring. Her hips began to move in time with his strokes, her breath coming in short and sharp gasps. He didn’t know how to do this, not really. But he knew he wanted to make her feel good. So he listened to her body, her sounds, her whispers of need. He focused on her reactions, learning what she liked, what made her squirm, what made her moan.

Small, quick flicks of his tongue over her clit seemed to send her reeling.

Y/N’s hands tightened in his hair as he worked her over, her body shaking with the force of her restrained pleasure. He could feel it building, the way she moved against his mouth, her legs tightening around his head, her breaths turning to pants. Her nails scraped against his scalp, a delicious pain that only served to drive him on, to make him want more, to make her feel more.

And then she was coming, her body shuddering with the force of her orgasm, her muscles clenching around his tongue. Bucky felt a surge of pride, of accomplishment, of pure, unadulterated joy.

He pulled back, kissing his way back up her body, feeling her pulse throb against his lips. She was beautiful, so beautiful, laid out before him like this. “Bucky,” she breathed, her eyes half-lidded and glazed with pleasure. He leaned over her, his forehead touching hers. “You’re sure?” he whispered. She nodded, a soft smile playing on her lips.

Bucky reached for the bedside drawer, his hand shaking slightly as he pulled out a condom. He’d had them there for months, hopeful and terrified, but they’d remained untouched. The foil packet crinkled in the quiet room, a sound that seemed unnaturally loud in the wake of their shared intimacy. Y/N watched him, her eyes never leaving his face, her trust in him unwavering. He rolled it on, feeling the familiar tightness in his chest, the echoes of fear that had haunted his every intimate moment. But as he positioned himself over her, her legs wrapping around his waist, he knew he could do this. For her, with her, he could overcome his worries.

He pushed inside her, slowly.

The world outside the window had gone dark, but the room was bathed in the warm glow of the bedside lamp. Her eyes were wide, watching him with a mix of excitement and concern, and he knew he had to get this right. For her, for them. Her heat enveloped him, and he felt his own walls crumbling, the last of his barriers falling away. He’d never felt this connected to anyone before, not like this. It was as if they were two lost pieces of a puzzle finally finding their place.

Their movements grew more frantic as the passion built, their kisses deep and desperate. Bucky felt the ghosts of his past trying to claw their way back in, but he pushed them away, focusing solely on the woman beneath him. Her nails dug into his back, her legs tightening around him as she matched his rhythm, urging him on.

The sounds of their bodies moving together filled the room, a symphony of sighs and gasps and moans. Each thrust was a declaration of his need for her, each kiss a promise to keep her safe. Bucky’s heart thudded in his chest, a drumline of hope and desire. He’d been so afraid of this moment, but here it was, and it was nothing like the horrors he’d anticipated. It was raw and real and everything he’d ever dreamed of.

Her nails scored down his back as she arched up to meet him, her breaths growing shallower, her hips rising to meet his thrusts. Bucky felt the tension in her body, the way she tightened around him, the soft mewling noises that escaped her throat. He’d never felt so alive, so present in the moment. Each stroke was a promise, a declaration that he was here, with her, and nothing else mattered.

Their bodies moved in harmony, a dance that transcended the chaos of the world outside. His metal hand found hers, their fingers entwining as if to anchor themselves in the present. He could feel her pulse racing beneath his touch, the way she clung to him as if he were her lifeline. And maybe, in a way, he was.

The world narrowed down to just the two of them, the only sounds the slap of skin and the harsh pull of their breathing. Bucky’s eyebrow was furrowed. He watched her face, the way her lip got pulled between her teeth in concentration, the softness of her cheeks flushed with passion.

Her breath hitched, her eyes fluttering closed as she neared the precipice again.

Their passion was palpable, a force that transcended the physical, reaching into the depths of their souls.

Her eyes flew open, meeting his, and in that moment, something changed. He saw her, not just the woman he desired, but the person who had seen his darkest moments and chosen to love him regardless. And she saw him, not as the damaged soldier, but as the man who had fought to survive and come back to life.

Their movements grew more deliberate. Bucky’s rhythm slowed, his strokes deepening, as if trying to etch himself into her very being. He felt her inner walls quiver, a sign that she was close, and he knew he couldn’t hold out much longer. But he wanted to give her everything she needed, to show her just how much she meant to him.

Y/N’s breath was a pant on his skin, her chest rising and falling rapidly. He leaned in, pressing kisses along her jaw, her neck, the soft skin of her collarbone. They were both hurtling uncontrollably towards the edge…

Her body tensed around him, a silent plea, and Bucky knew he couldn’t hold back anymore. He thrust into her, feeling her nails dig into his back as she cried out his name, her body shattering into a thousand pieces. He watched her come undone, her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure that sent him over the edge.

With a guttural groan, he followed her, his orgasm tearing through his muscles, leaving him trembling and spent. He collapsed onto her, his heart hammering against hers, their breaths mingling in the quiet aftermath. The warmth of her body was like a medicine to his soul, a gentle reminder that he was more than just a weapon, that he was loved.

They laid there for a few moments, their hearts beating in sync, the only sound in the room the gentle rustle of the blanket around them. Bucky felt the warmth of her skin, the way her chest rose and fell with each breath, and the reality of what they had just shared settled heavily on him. It was a moment that had been months in the making, a moment where fear had been vanquished by love and trust.

He leaned up on his elbow, looking down at her. Her eyes were closed, a soft smile tugging at her lips. He couldn’t help but trace the curve of her cheek with the back of his hand, feeling the heated skin under his fingertips. He’d never felt more alive, more human, than he did in that moment.

“You okay?” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at him with a softness that made his chest ache. “More than okay,” she said, her voice a whisper.

He leaned down to kiss her again, slower this time, savoring the taste of her lips. Her hand slid up his chest, her touch featherlight and reverent. It was as if she knew just how much this meant to him, just how much of a milestone it was.

They lay there, tangled in the sheets, their bodies still slick with sweat. Bucky’s mind was racing, but in a good way. He’d done it. He’d faced his fears and come out the other side. And she was still here, her arm wrapped around his waist, her breathing evening out as she snuggled closer to him.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice still rough from their earlier exertions. Y/N opened her eyes and gave him a sleepy smile. “For what?” “For making it okay,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “For making me feel like I can do this. Like I’m not just some… some broken toy that nobody wants to play with anymore.”

Her eyes had a glassy pain in them. “Bucky, you’re so much more than that. You always have been. And I want to play with you.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, the sound low and warm. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

——————————————————————————————————

A small gift 🎁🫶 (We’re ignoring mistakes)

[revelboo]

All I can picture with the latest My Favorite Accident update is trying to introduce two cats to each other by smell through a closed door. KO is our housecat (or are we his human? 🤔) who is very protective of us and then BD bites our fingers when we try to let them get used to each other (it was going fine! We swear!) and suddenly KO is swatting the shit out of him because he’s the only one who can bite us excuse you

Pretty much the way his processor is responding to seeing you being manhandled by someone that’s not him.

My Favorite Accident Pt 14

Knockout x Reader x Breakdown

• Backpedaling as that spinning saw whines through the air inches from his chassis, grazing him to shower sparks and hurt, Breakdown stumbles and goes down. And he’s never seen Knockout like this, optics angry and smiling like that. Head tipping as he stands over him, he slowly extends his arm and Breakdown’s chin is forced up to avoid the blade. Knockout can’t possibly be this angry over him roughing up one, little human. Knockout knows him. And as awful as it is, his spike stirs. Responding to the dominance and anger with arousal. Frag. “You know I don’t like it when my favorite toys get taken away,” Knockout whispers, voice a low, angry purr. A seduction. “When they’re broken.”

• Head tilting at the sound of you limping away, his smile becomes brittle. You’re limping. “I wouldn’t have to steal your toys if you’d spend any time with me,” Breakdown counters, tone bitter, drawing his attention and the bigger mech’s yellow optics narrow in challenge. In anger. And it’s empowering to tower over him for once. Even as there’s a whisper of guilt at neglecting him, for making him feel like he wasn’t needed anymore. Had the big moron really thought he’d replace him with a human? “Or do you prefer squishies now?”

• Limping for the wall, you have no idea how you’re climbing up that slope without help when your entire body feels bruised. You don’t think anything is broken, but if they start genuinely fighting, you want to be far away. So over aliens and getting involved in their bullshit. Jealous maybe-boyfriends especially. You like hanging out with Knockout, taunting each other, but it’s hardly worth getting stomped for.

• “Please,” Knockout sneers, retracting the blade. “You can’t be serious.” But the medic’s head still turns to track your slow progress. Venting softly when you start clambering up the slope only to slide back down with a little squeak of noise and what he suspects is swearing. Lips quirking as you immediately make another attempt, he watches Knockout transform his weapon back to a hand, striding after you and leaving him sprawled on his back. It’s a slight, but better than feeling that blade. “What is it about you that just seems to make everyone want to murder you?” Knockout growls and you look up at him, expression relieved. Spark twisting uncomfortably at that, it’s strange to watch Knockout bend and pick you up by the back of your covering to set you back on your feet, a clawed servo lingering on your arm. On the way your skin is discolored and Knockout turns that deadly smile his way again.

• Using a servo to carefully lift your arm, there’s a flicker of anger at the bruises that Knockout can’t ignore. That Breakdown damaged you at all leaves him cold and furious, and your expression is guarded when you look up at him. “Must be my winning personality,” you say, trying to pull away and he hooks his servo around you. That neutral edge in your voice. Like you’re not surprised or angry that you got hurt. Like you expect it. What is he going to do with you? Stiffening slightly when Breakdown eases closer and you tense, eyes narrowing. Afraid of the bigger mech though it flits across your face so quickly before it’s gone and your expression blanks again. Pretending you don’t care. You’re both so exhausting. Venting softly as he studies you and Breakdown, both of you idiots matter to him and he’s not choosing between you. But you’re going to both make his life miserable if you can’t at least pretend to get along to humor him.

• Shivering despite the warmth of the evening, you know you’re not escaping unless Knockout decides to let you so you just glare at his big, dumb boyfriend while he scowls right back. And you’re aching and just want to lay down. Yelping when Knockout vents, seizes you and just thrusts you at his buddy, forcing him to cup his hands and take you in self defense. Clinging to Breakdown’s servos, your mouth falls open because Knockout is striding away from both of you. Abandoning you with his boyfriend, the jerk. “What am I supposed to do with this thing?” Breakdown growls, holding you out in his cupped hands away from his frame and curling his lip at you. It’s only the very real threat that he might drop you that’s keeping you from flipping him off again. “Knockout, come get your fragging human.” And he’s jogging after the medic with you in his hands, getting jarred.

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[jolyfics]

This is my first time requesting something uggghh I'm nervous.

Anyways, I think it would be so cute if your wrote how the jojos would confess to their crushes!

i love the way you write so ik you'll do them justice

𝙞 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪

𝘫𝘰𝘫𝘰𝘴 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

summary: how the jojos confess

notes: THIS TOOK SO LONG MY HAND FELL ASLEEP 😭😭 but really i hope you enjoy it!! i swear i wasn’t being that lazy over easter break

jonathan joestar

i feel like jonathan is the most romantic out of all the jojos

he’d definitely bring you some place nice

like a tree on a hill during sunset

he’d also make it a picnic

after you two talk for a good bit is when he’d speak up

if you agree to his confession he’d let out a sigh of relief, as well as a big grin

6pm, he told you to meet you by the tree where you usually hang out, you adored that tree, it was rural. once you arrived you noticed he was there before you, sitting underneath the tree with a cute little picnic basket beside him. you sat down to his left, he took out some sandwiches you assumed he made and the two of you began eating, quickly falling into your usual banter.

after awhile, he cleared his throat, causing you to look up at him with confusion. “i.. have something i wish to tell you.” he spoke up, he sounded nervous, you had never heard him sound like that before. you perked up, signalling for him to continue. “i have feelings for you, (name). and i hope you’d accept them” you could feel your cheeks heat up, which caused his to do the same.

you nodded, “i do, jojo!” he grinned, a sigh escaping him as relief washed over his entire body. he placed his hand atop of yours, as you both gave eachother an adoring look

joseph joestar

joseph’s a smartass

it definitely starts with him teasing you

then when you ask him why he likes teasing you specifically is when he shuts up

he admits it quite casually

like its nothing

leaving you quite flustered

“c’mon, cutie! give me a smile!” he smirked, he adored the way your eyebrows looked as they furrowed when he spoke. he loved the way your face turned the slightest shade of red and how you tried to hide how he actually got a reaction out of you. he loved it all. “shut up, jojo!” you scoffed, trying to hide the blush that crept up onto your face

“why do you always tease me? why not suzie q?!” you spoke up, you weren’t angry, just genuinely confused. did he like seeing you so angry? he then playfully rolled his eyes. “because i love seeing that look on your face! i mean, who wouldn’t? you’re gorgeous yknow?” you scoffed once more before crossing your arms

“it’s because i love you, (name)! and i know you can’t resist me” he grinned, his usual stupid grin. you looked back over at him. it seemed he was waiting for you to say something to him, instead you placed a small kiss on his cheek. that seemed to finally shut him up

jotaro kujo

it honestly depends on which jotaro

part 3 jotaro isn’t the kinda guy to confess his feelings to you

he’d just hope and pray you had that confidence to speak up first

if you don’t though, and the feeling is getting too much for him to handle he’d trap you in a hotel room and force you to listen to him

very rare to hear more than a few words with him, let alone hear what he FEELS

you sat on the hotel bed, reading a cheap magazine you found in one of the drawers in the bedside table. you were sharing a room with jotaro, you only really shared with him or kakyoin, since you three were the only teenagers with the group. jotaro had just gotten back from being in the bathroom, he sat on the bed to your right.

“(name).” he spoke, his voice soft, yet still with the usual firmness that usually has a grasp over him. you looked over to him, closing the magazine over and placing it beside you on the bed. “yes, jotaro?” he paused, the air seemed different. not the usual feeling you had while rooming with him.

“you’re.. not awful.” his voice was now that of a mumble, as he used the brim of his hat to cover his face. at first you were confused, until it hit you, he was trying to tell you how he felt about you. he just couldn’t get the right words out of his mouth

josuke higashikata (4)

josukes confession is probably the most fun out of them all.

i feel like he’d take you somewhere fun like bowling

you’d be kicking his ass at it

and once you finished up your game and we’re walking home

thats when he’d tell you

and if its cold he might even lend you his coat

you shivered as the two of you walked home after a long day of bowling. you two played about 4 rounds, you won 3/4 of those games, which you were quite proud of. you felt something heavy land across your shoulders, you looked down. josukes coat? you then turned your gaze to him, he seemed to be looking in the opposite direction of you

“thanks, josuke” you spoke up, getting rid of the silence between you too. he hummed, kicking a rock as he walked. “hey, uhh” he paused before speaking up once more. “i gotta tell you something, and don’t get angry at me for saying this!” you chuckled at that, you couldn’t get angry at him

“i.. think i might like you. thats a lie. i know i like you” you pulled his coat closer around you as you grinned, this day seemed to be getting better and better..

giorno giovanna

giorno definitely took you to a fancy restaurant

he is the don, he has that kind of money

he’d probably buy you something fancy too.

he’d just say it outright, like it was something he said everyday

you two sat across from eachother at the fancy restaurant, both of you in your fanciest attire. you two stared at a menu, deciding what to get before the waiter arrived, notebook and pen in hand. once you ordered, and the waiter was gone, giorno looked over at you. he pulled out a tiny box placing it on the table and sliding it over to you

“giorno, no” “i insist, (name)” he interrupted. you sighed, picking up the box and opening it. a necklace lay inside, laced with what you could only assume were real diamonds. you looked up to him in shock. “giorno, i can’t take this..” he shook his head

“you must, you’re the only person i’d want to spend this kind of money on, so please. let me buy you things from now on” he gave a small, meaningful smile towards you, which only made you smile. you took the necklace out of the box, placing it around your neck. “you look stunning, mí amore”

jolyne cujoh

okay. we all know how lesbians are

she’d definitely confess buy playing a song for you, then saying that it reminds her of you

you two would just be in her bedroom

and she’d suggest listening to music

then she’d play the song and say it reminds her of you two

you two sat on jolynes bed, you’d been friends for years, so long in fact, you two had began to develop feelings for eachother. even though everyone around the two of you knew, you two didn’t. “hey.. let’s listen to some music!” jolyne suggested, you nodded. that could be fun, you always enjoyed her music

she grinned, standing up from the bed and heading towards her cd collection. she picked one up, then placed it into the cd player. it took a few seconds for the song to boot up but once it began she then hurried back over to sit beside you in her bed. “what song is it?” you asked, she only grinned at you. “you’ll see”

as the song began to play, it seemed like something jolyne never would’ve usually listened to. you began to recognise the song as time went on, ‘this kiss, by faith hill’ as you began to wonder why she picked this song, she spoke up. “this song, reminds me of us..” her face was slightly red as she spoke

Johnny Joestar

johnny and you were put on a ranch

yous were just together tending to your horses

it was silent, peaceful

that’s when johnny would admit to having feelings for you

it definitely took him awhile to do that

he’s not the most open when it comes to how he feels

you fed your horse, johnny stood beside you, doing the exact same to slow dancer, his horse. it was comfortable, you two enjoyed eachothers company and the silence between you wasn’t awkward in the slightest, at least for you anyways.

johnny was busy thinking about you, he wanted to tell you how he felt, he knew he owed it to you to be honest, but it was just scary. he was afraid of rejection from you. even though he knew deep, deep down that you most likely liked him too

“hey.. (name)?” he finally spoke up, he felt as if his heart was in his throat. you turned to look at him, giving him a hum to continue. “i just wanted to say that i.. like ya, i have for awhile now. i just.. wanted ya to know” he looked away, embarrassed

josuke higashikata (8)

josuke just blurts it out

like its NOTHING

he doesn’t get social cues tbh

it leaves you shocked

like really shocked

you two were probably just sitting in a part when he just says it

you sat on the park bench with josuke, you both had gotten an ice cream, it was a very warm day in morioh, so ice cream was the only solution the two of you had. as you both sat, enjoying your ice cream, you looked over to josuke, who seemed to be enjoying his delicious sweet treat

“isn’t this nice, josuke?” you spoke up, he only nodded enthusiastically, continuing to lick the cone. you chuckled at him, giving him a smile. which seemed to make him stop eating? he stared at you, in an almost creepy way. you’d be creeped out if you didn’t know him

“i’m in love with you” he says, before going back to his ice cream. you stared at him, in shock. “what?” you gave him a confused look, where you dreaming? hallucinating even? did he really just say that to you?

[xmads-omensx]

DAY 1 - CHRISTMAS PHOTOS

Word Count: 1,161

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Content Warnings: Pretend angst, slight angst, fluff, cringe sappy Christmassy feels, swearing

“Noah come on please.” I pleaded.

“No babe don’t make me do this.” He groaned, hands falling by his sides.

“Come on, Noah. It’s only a photo. ONE PHOTO. Please.” You replied, adjusting the position of your iPhone against the plant pot on the kitchen counter.

“Baby please. I look like an idiot.” He groaned, gesturing to his torso that was adorned with a colourful Christmas jumper.

You gasped.

“I can’t believe you just said that.” You said in a fake angry voice.

“But it’s true babe, come on.” Noah continued to complain.

“I’m not talking to you.” You replied, turning your back to him and continuing to adjust the phone until it was set at the angle that you wanted it.

“Y/N. Come on.” Noah stepped forward, getting closer to you.

You whipped your head around and glared at him. He held his hands up in surrender and stepped away, back into his previous position.

Once your phone was in the position you wanted and the timer had been set, you walked over to Noah and stood next to him, wrapping your arm around his waist.

He sighed, but wrapped his own arm around you and forced a smile at the camera.

"See, that wasn't so hard was it?" You asked once the photo had been taken.

Upon inspecting the image, you instantly realised how Noah's smile was clearly forced, whilst yours was genuine.

You glared at him.

"What is this?" You questioned.

"Baby come on. I said it before, it's just a photo." Noah tried to reason.

"It's not just a photo to me, Noah." You sighed. "I just want one shitty photo of us in our shitty, cringey Christmas jumpers, just for me to have. Is that too much to fucking ask?"

By this point, you had been trying to do this for around thirty minutes and had begun to feel frustrated and were ready to give up on the whole idea.

"Forget it." You sighed, walking back up to your shared bedroom, leaving Noah stood in front of the Christmas tree, wearing his god-awful Christmas jumper that, obviously, matched yours.

Noah felt awful. He never meant to upset you. He was just kidding.

No one had ever wanted to take a Christmas photo with him, so it had thrown him slightly.

But at the end of the day, you did so much for him, why shouldn't he do this one thing for you.

That night, he hatched a plan.

His plan involved the rest of the guys, a trip to the mall, and Bryan's camera.

He was going to make this Christmas special for you if it was the last thing he ever did.

The next day, all of the guys were gathered in the driveway, bundled up in warm jackets and scarves, Noah gave them their missions.

"Jolly, Folio, Matt. You need to go to the Christmas pop-up shop and get some garlands and fairy lights. Enough to fill in the extra space on the bannisters. Bryan, Davis, Michael. You're on jumpers. I have sent you a photo of it. Make sure you get one in everyone's size besides me and Y/N. It's from Target so you should be able to find it. Nick and I will be on snacks. Anyone got any questions?" Noah finished his action plan.

Jesse raised his hand. "What am I supposed to do?"

"You're on distraction. Keep her away from the living room at all costs after we return. Take her for breakfast or something. She cannot know what we are doing." Noah directed.

Jesse nodded his head before heading back inside, mumbling something about having gotten out of bed for nothing.

Once the front door had closed, the groups all jumped into their respective cars, before driving to the shopping mall.

You, however, had remained blissfully unaware of the chaos Noah was causing.

You had been rudely awoken by Jesse singing 'Last Christmas' by Wham in the shower and absolutely butchering it, which was weird because he is great at singing.

Noah wasn't beside you, which wasn't exactly unusual, but you still felt a pang in your heart.

Jesse took you out for a very lovely breakfast under the guise of wanting to gossip about your work, and Noah of course. It wasn't exactly unusual for you to hang out with Jesse like this, but something felt off.

The drive home had felt awfully quiet and slow. The car driving behind Jesse had honked their horn at him in an attempt to make him go faster, which he ignored. It was only when a notification on his apple watch appeared that he drove faster.

You were used to Jesse's odd behaviour by this point, but something still felt off.

The lights inside the house were dimmed upon your return, which was weird because everyone's cars were out front.

Opening the door, you were greeted by eight heavily tattooed men stood in front of the Christmas tree in matching jumpers. The ones you had bought for you and Noah to wear.

Davis picked up a Target bag and threw it at Jesse, which he caught, before pulling his shirt over his head and pulling on his jumper.

You were lost for words as Noah stepped forward, your own jumper folded neatly in his hands which were outstretched to you.

"Here you go, baby, why don't you go and put this on so we can take a group photo?" He softly said, a smile gracing his perfect features.

You simply nodded, unable to form words as your eyes began to tear up at their kindness.

You practically ran up the stairs to change.

By the time you had returned to the group, Bryan had set up his camera on a tripod in front of the Christmas tree, which had been surrounded by new garlands and fairy lights, something you presumed the boys had put up.

You took your place between Noah and Matt, getting ready for the photo to be taken, when you realised something.

"Something's missing!" You exclaimed, running back up the stairs.

The guys shared a look of confusion as you ran back down, clutching something red and fluffy in your hands.

You made a bee-line for Noah and gestured for him to lean down, he complied and you pulled the fluffy red object over the top of his head.

Once he stood up, it was clear what you had done.

You had put a Santa hat on Noah's head.

Giggling to yourself, you retook your position, Noah leant down to kiss the top of your head and whispered a quiet "I love you" into your hair, before straightening back up.

Bryan pressed a button on his camera, before running back to the group. "Everyone say Merry Christmas!" He exclaimed with a grin.

The rest of you giggled before shouting, in almost-perfect unison, "Merry Christmas!" causing the room to errupt in a fit of laughter.

The picture showed just that.

Happiness.

MAIN MASTERLIST

25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS MASTERLIST

[dekusleftsock]

HMMNGGGSHSHHSHD IM SO LATE TO THIS BUT THERES SO MANY THINGS IVE WANTED TO SAY FOR SO LONG AND IVE JUST BEEN TOO DEPRESSED OR BUSY TO DO IT

I did just re-read the chapter, hazbin/helluva hyperfixation is gone y’all I’m back and ready for more.

Okay so, a couple of things I noticed. Let’s start there.

Throughout this chapter, it really is heartbreaking to see how Izuku regards one for all as Allmight’s power, and therefore a disrespect to him to give that away. Which is quite frankly insane given the nature of what the power is, but regardless it still shows me just how deeply he still cares for and admires allmight.

It also makes the transfer Izuku makes to Katsuki in the heroes rising movie all the more intimate; izuku wouldn’t just give the power to anyone, if not for himself (which is also clearly due to that fact since he still sees ofa as the thing that makes him a hero, not his characteristics), then simply out of respect for allmight and his legacy.

It’s just the anger you can see, feel in those words as he demands to know why. I’ve personally been in the boat of “Izuku dislikes Kudou immensely bc he hasn’t proven to be heroic and amazing like Katsuki has, and also he insults him a lot why would he like him”, since Izuku does genuinely have self respect (a common mischaracterization imo), he’s just also more forgiving and faithful to those he admires or loves (or both).

SPEAKING OF SELF RESPECT AND MISCHARACTERIZATION!

I want to highlight the words “But even so, this boy refuses to throw in the towel”, bc it’s such an important part of Izuku and his character.

He isn’t overly self sacrificial, he isn’t a masochist, he isn’t even a martyr—especially not a martyr.

Izuku is stubborn. That is not the same thing as wanting to constantly die for others; izuku is like Katsuki, he wants to fight for others. Giving up just simply isn’t in his morality.

And if “giving up” also includes letting someone die or failing to save someone out of his own negligence, that’s not because he wants to die.

I can’t explain how much the interpretation that Izuku wanting to die, even for others, is so fucking out of character. Izuku is stubborn, he’s stubborn in the way that he won’t just fall over and let the ground take him. Given the circumstances, Izuku would fight for his life just as he would fight for another.

THIS HAS BEEN THE CASE SINCE, I DONT KNOW, CHAPTER FUCKING ONE?

“Idiot! If I’d really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide!! Think before you speak!!”

“Idiot…”

Like he’s so unaffected by the awful comment outside of being angry at the DISRESPECT of said comment. This is why all those damn suicidal Izuku fics have always felt so ooc. Izuku isnt a moody, brooding ball of depression, he’s a stubborn, courageous, and angry ball of depression. There is a difference.

Even before this, he literally attempts to say something or fight back to Katsuki, honestly it looks like he’s about to punch him here.

The only reason he DOESNT is bc HE DOESNT WANT TO GET HIS ASS BEAT

Btw for anyone who has or ever will be in Izuku’s position, punch him. I love Katsuki But hit him in the fucking gut. If you get your ass beat at least you can say you can took it like a champ.

Speaking from someone who regrets not punching three girls who were trying to gang up on me in middle school🫶🫶🫶

Anyway, I’d argue that Izuku not taking Katsuki in a fight was made out of self preservation, something he very much has.

And last but not least, we get to this lovely fucking page.

First of all…

Hm, ain’t that strange?

I’m not saying it’s fully a parallel, I’m just saying it’s something to consider.

Especially with the context that I don’t think Izuku feels shameful here.

He’s been a hero who didn’t look like one once before, I’m sure a snide comment through Shigaraki is nothing in comparison to the literal hundreds of civilians afraid of him.

Or, even more interestingly, what if he’s shameful of it, and okay with that? Now THATS some control over your emotions. This is demonstrating the very thing Banjo told him in the first place; using his emotions to fuel him. Let himself live with them, breath with them. They exist, and they hurt, and that’s fucking okay.

But it begs the question…. Why bring attention to it?

Clearly horikoshi WANTS you to see that Izuku is the one who looks like the monster now. He even looks devil like, blackwhip coming out of his back the way it is just feels like wings.

But maybe… maybe this is how he stops sweeping problems under the rug. Maybe this is him, Izuku, at his most animalistic form. Him. At his core. This is the Izuku he doesn’t want people to know.

The faceless, long clawed, oozing black monster.

He’s a kid who can take a fucking beating. He’s not Deku the useless doll, nor is he Deku the hero. He’s simply Izuku.

And you know what’s even more likely?

The black pit of anger that Shigaraki has formed, fueling his uncontrolled emotions and anger and despair, with the light tear showing something underneath…

What if, this was Izuku’s black ball of anger and shame, except this one is escaping his body, pouring out and showing all of that for what it truly is. Pent up rage, uncontrolled emotion, anxiety and shame, all mixed into one hell hole of a person—but a ball that can be molded, controlled, torn apart from the inside out.

See, the same way Kudou tears at Shigaraki’s mental breaking to see what’s underneath, so have the ofa users for Izuku. Slowly, but surely, the people in Izuku’s life have, while created that ball in the first place, also worked to destroy it. The final piece of the puzzle is for Izuku to choose to let it happen, and he is.

Learning to sit in one’s fear, doubt, hatred, anger, sadness, grief, happiness—without that emotion having to be something, simply something that flows through you, that you can choose to act on or not; this is where Izuku’s arc is coming to its tipping point. We are nearing the climax, I can feel it.

[lulu2992]

This post is long overdue, but because I promised exactly seven years ago today that I would talk about this “later”, I want to finally do it!

So, prior to annoying everyone here about the Far Cry series, mostly Far Cry 5, and complaining about its nightmarishly-inconsistent lore, I used to annoy everyone with Final Fantasy XV and its... surprinsingly-not-that-inconsistent story. It’s not perfect, of course, and I’m sure many people could tell you more about it and its flaws better than I can, but considering it was told in the span of at least three years across four versions of the main game (which was updated several times to add more cutscenes and information), four DLC episodes, two films, two books, one animated series, one multiplayer expansion, as well as a few more spin-off games, demos, and trailers (not all of them canon), I still think it’s impressively coherent and that things could have been way worse.

Despite having never played this game myself (I don’t even know if I’ve ever said that), I fell in love with it, and more specifically with a character named Ardyn Izunia, a charismatic antagonist with a tragic past. Yes, I have a type.

Anyway, one thing I loved to complain about at the time was the English localization of the game. Although it’s far from being terrible, it slightly differs from the original Japanese version, and while some changes are appropriate and make sense (a localization isn’t meant to be a literal translation, after all), others are... questionable. The English version also had the luxury of having its own facial animations, which means the team didn’t even have to worry about being 100% faithful to the character’s original lip movements and emotions. And they weren’t.

Some of the choices that were made regarding Ardyn in particular are still upsetting to me. The way he talks about his name is unclear? People get confused. A sentence he finishes in Japanese gets interrupted in English for no apparent reason? That creates a non-existent mystery. A frown is turned upside-down? That erases a rare and therefore important angry reaction. He doesn’t chuckle at a key moment? That changes the tone of the scene and his feelings on the whole situation…

So, on March 19th, 2018, I said I wanted to talk about “when he sounds mocking and unimpressed instead of surprised and offended in the Pocket Edition”, so this is what I’m going to do, at long last. The mobile version of FFXV is interesting because it contains a few lines that were not in the original game and never included in the other editions (unless that’s changed; it’s been a while since I’ve studied this game). Those lines are exchanged between Noctis and Ardyn during their final battle.

From what I’ve seen and tried to translate thanks to online tools (I still don’t speak Japanese), the English conversation is nearly identical to the original Japanese version, but there’s one thing Ardyn says, and especially how he says it, that is very different to me.

When Noctis asserts he will save him from the darkness, in English, Ardyn replies, “Will you?” in a rather derisive and dismissive tone. In Japanese, though, he replies, “何?” (“What?”), and it seems Noctis’ words actually affect him. You can hear both versions below. Focus on Ardyn’s tone:

Original videos: English - Japanese

To me, the way he replies in English suggests he doesn’t take Noctis seriously at all. It’s like he’s saying, “Aw, that’s cute; as if you could do that”. In Japanese, however, I think he sounds shocked, like he can’t believe someone would genuinely want to help him despite everything he’s done and the monster he has become.

His reaction reminds me of the moment Lunafreya softly tells him he will eventually know peace… and he just slaps her. I could never decide exactly why he did it. I don’t know if it’s because he feels insulted and belittled by her words or if, on the contrary, he can’t stand the fact she’s showing compassion, not to mention right after he’s just mortally stabbed her. Does her kindness hurt him because he believes he doesn’t deserve it? Does she remind him of the man he used to be, the selfless, naive healer she somehow managed to still see, deep inside of him, despite the many layers of darkness he’s spent ages burying himself under?

In any case, it seems Ardyn is supposed to react strongly and be thrown off balance when someone believes he can and deserves to be saved, so what I wanted to say in 2018 is that I thought, and still think, that it’s a shame the English version of his line in the Pocket Edition doesn’t reflect that.

[torialefay]

❤️‍🔥 Mercury in Libra 🪫

bangchan as your boyfriend series!!! (pt 5)

(based on astrology) 🔞

✨bangchan x reader (f); angsty sad times, little fluff if you try

✨word count: ~3.1k

✨5th and final part in chan’s astrology series!!! together, let’s take a look into chan’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨i will give a brief synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect channie in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i do brief compatibility readings w/ skz members! if interested, send your natal chart to my inbox, as well as which member you’d like me to read for OR if i think there is one member best suited to you <3

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

✨warnings: sad plot, theme of unfaithfulness, occasional cursing

✨tl/dr: chan is a loverboy who gets caught up in flirting when he doesn’t even know he’s flirting. then he ends up a blubbering mess.

Mercury in Libra:

-Mercury is the planetary ruler of communication and intellect. It shows how you connect with others throughout everyday life, just in speaking with them. It can also tell you a lot about how you relate to others and interpret the information they give you.

-Libra is a cardinal sign, meaning that people who are in this placement REALLY live by the aspects associated with that placement- in other words, chan is likely to hold very true to these values.

-Libra is the sign of love, beauty, charm, and balance. Libra in Mercury has a few key traits when it comes to communication. They are natural charmers and can instantly make people like them simply by talking with them. Libras are very good at placating to what others want, so they can speak to you in a way that they tell you what you want to hear. Libras also love beauty, so they many times will have an elegant way of speaking or cute quirks and mannerisms. Lastly, Libras value harmony and balance, so most likely their communication style will either (1) mimic yours, or (2) counter yours to be able to reach a happy medium.

-Long story short: Mercury in Libra people are sweet talkers who can charm anyone they meet, make them feel special, and meet them at the communication level that they are in. HOWEVER, the downside to Libra in Mercury is that they do not like confrontation- so they are likely going to avoid any conversations that could disrupt the peace between them and that person.

As your boyfriend:

• Chan always supports you exactly how you need him to.

◦ Had a bad day? He understands, come lay on him and talk about it.

◦ Upset over a test score? Scores are stupid, he’s gonna buy you ice cream and let you rant about how ridiculous it was.

◦ Got into a yelling match with a close friend? Hold his hands and talk him through it. He wants to know how he can help.

• He adapts to what you need in that moment- if you need someone to listen, he will sit there with an open ear. If you need advice on what to do, he will analyze every option and patiently walk you through what he thinks is best.

• If you get really frustrated or angry over something, he will 100% come up behind you and bear hug you, shaking you around until you give in and put a smile on your face.

• “Come here and talk to me,” he says, pulling you down to sit on his lap.

• He loves talking about deep things with you, like the meaning of life. It makes him feel so lucky to have such a smart significant other.

• He stares at you in awe as you talk about things you’re passionate about. Even if he genuinely doesn’t care about the topic, he holds on to every word, thinking of how cute you are in this moment.

• He remembers every little story you tell him about your childhood. When you bring up a long-gone aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc., he says “Oh, the one you told me about who ___?” You always smile at how he remembers these little things.

• Chan knows that you’re mad. He ALWAYS knows.

• He can tell in the way that you don’t instinctively turn your knees towards him in the car and when you don’t automatically reach for his hand when you walk next to him.

• He may not know why you’re mad, but he does know that you are.

• What he has a really hard time with is addressing it.

• He’s been trying for days to make up for it- whatever it is.

• Every day, he starts with “Good morning beautiful.” And every night, he finishes with “Good night princess.” Making sure you didn’t feel unloved.

• He’s been doing extra housework- cooking, cleaning, finishing up odd jobs you’d asked about a month ago. Could that be it?

• He’s been putting his foot down at work, leaving every night 5 PM to make sure he gets to spend the evenings with you. Maybe that’s what this is about- maybe you just missed spending time with him.

• Chan doesn’t know what’s wrong, and nothing he’s done so far has changed anything.

• He was hoping that his efforts would change your attitude toward him, or even make you forget about it, but he just couldn’t understand why you weren’t letting up. Why you weren’t letting him in as closely as you once had. Why things were so good, but now they are so different.

• All he knows now is that he is hopelessly in love with you, but it seems like you don’t feel the same anymore.

• You both sat together on the couch for a while. You thought Chan wouldn’t notice as you slowly inched yourself away from him, more slowly as the minutes passed.

• But he knew. He tried to reason that something was wrong. He didn’t want to push for an answer yet for fear of learning one that he wished he wouldn’t have.

• You continued to scroll on your phone, mind-numbingly on the ‘X’ app. This was a habitual routine, but one you decided you needed to break.

• There were a lot of great posts on there, but there was a lotttt about your boyfriend on there as well. One more unwanted post you knew would send you into a spiral.

• But you couldn’t help yourself. You had to know.

• You scrolled through the hashtag on the app. “#bangchan” splayed across the search bar.

• Cute photos and gifs. Adorable collages. Sexy TikTok edits. The usual. It took you probably 10 minutes of scrolling before you found something that got you ticked off again.

• ‘Every goddamn time,’ you thought, as your scoffed and rolled your eyes. You stared down at the video playing on the phone, as if this was the first one you’d ever seen.

• The caption of the video:

“how cute is #bangchan looking flirting with #fem/idol 😭🥰”.

• You focused on the interaction on the screen. There was Chan at the award show last night, leaning in and whispering something into fem/idol’s ear. When he pulled back, he looked down at her with a big smile, and you could see her reciprocate by blushing intensely and batting her eyelashes back up at him. You watched as he continued to talk for a few moments, laughing and offering up big hand gestures before saying goodbye, making sure to fully catch her eyes and bow as he went.

• You quickly scrolled underneath to the comment section, hoping that someone would say something- anything- to make you feel better.

◦ “God I wish he would look at me that way 🤭”

◦ “omfg she’s so pretty id def have chan’s reaction too”

◦ “Crying 😭😭 When do you think they’ll announce that they’re together? ❤️”

• You swiped out of the app entirely, shutting your phone off afterwards and placing it in your lap. You continued to stare down at the black screen until you felt tears start to well up in your eyes.

• You quickly tried to blink them away, but you couldn’t help it. This was the third time THIS week that you’d seen him do shit like this. Smiling, blushing, and heavily complimenting one girl, helping another fix her shoe, and now this. Before, you could reason it away- chuck it up to him just being a “nice guy.” But you couldn’t keep doing that forever.

• You always saw the comments people left under the videos about how cute they would be together and how Chan would be the perfect boyfriend.

• ‘But little do they know,’ you thought as you sighed.

• You turned your legs along with your body fully toward the other side of the couch, opposite of where Chan was. You looked a bit ridiculous facing the other way, but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to see his face. You couldn’t stand to.

• You let your mind wonder, repeating the video in your head. The way he looked at her and the way she looked back.

• ‘Am I stupid?… Have I been stupid this whole time?…’

• You thought back to when you first decided to make things official with him, and how you both agreed that it would be easier to not publicize the relationship. You didn’t want anyone coming in the way of what you have together.

• ‘Was that my first mistake? So he can date me in secret and go out and flirt with any other idol he wants?’

• Your mind drifted to each other interaction you’d seen with him. You had make excuses time and time before. But it hurt to see him like this. Your OWN boyfriend talking to another girl the way that he SHOULD be seen talking to you.

• You couldn’t help yourself as one tear escaped. Then two, then three. Before you knew it, there was a release of waterworks all down your face. Your mind got the best of you as you started sobbing into your hands, burying your face into the side of the couch. There was nothing you could do to stop yourself.

• “Baby?” Chan called. His response was met only with more tears.

• “Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, scooting his whole body next to yours to hold your back.

• “Get off of me!” you lashed out. He looked confused for a moment, but released his grip from you.

• “Honey, please talk to me. What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine sadness on his face.

• Hearing him call you pet names, all while pulling shit like he just had, completely set you off. “Don’t call me that.” You straightened back up in your seat, slightly turning toward him, not daring to look him in the face.

• “Don’t call you what?”

• “Honey, baby, whatever. You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

• “Y/n, what is going on? Seriously?” He placed his face in front of yours and used his hands to move your shoulders around to face him. This is the first time he could see how red and puffy your face had become. He felt like a piece of him had broken off just looking at you.

• “What’s going on?” you cried. “I don’t know Chris, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.” You quickly unlocked your phone, the video still open on it. You dropped the phone down to him as you stood, then taking a couple of steps to get some distance.

• He watched the video, moving his head around as if he was studying it. He replayed it a couple of times, then turned it intently, like he was looking for a hidden message. But he could find none. He furrowed his brow, then looked back up at you with a stare of confusion.

• You scoffed. “Okay. So you see nothing wrong with that?”

• “With what? Talking to another girl?!”

• “FLIRTING with another girl, Christopher! Flirting!… I’m not stupid! This is the THIRD video I’ve seen like this in a week. Do you know how humiliating it feels to have to see you, who was supposed to be the love of my life, out here flirting with all these other idols THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA.. AND THEN having people comment on top of it about how you two would be ‘just the cutest couple ever’! Do you have any idea how that feels?!”

• You saw him get a tinge of sadness in his eyes, but you cut him off before he could speak.

• “No, you know what? I KNOW you don’t know how this feels. Because I would NEVER think to look at another man the way that I look at you.. So you know what!? If you’re that interested in other girls, you can go for it! By alllll means, don’t let me stop you!” You could feel steam coming off of yourself.

• You didn’t even want to hear what he had to say, you just wanted to get out of there. He could have his idol life. Do whatever the fuck he wanted. He had you fooled for a while, but now you saw him for who he was. A liar. Wants his cake and eats it too. But not with you anymore.

• You turned on your heels to leave, thinking you’d go ahead and pack an overnight bag to head out. As you took your first step, you felt a grasp and a tug on your wrist in the opposite direction.

• You stumbled back, feeling him cling to your hand, then pull the top of your body slightly as he stood himself up. By the time he settled, he had you back facing right in front of him with your one hand in his.

• “Y/n, please don’t say that. Please, just listen to me,” he begged, eyes bigger than you’d ever seen them.

• “Listen to what? Listen to you explain how it’s okay to flirt while you’re in a relationship?”

• “That wasn’t flirting!”

• “Oh really, then what do you call that?!”

• “I was just being nice! I thought-” his voice cracked, tears starting to well up in his eyes. “I thought I was-“ he hung his head to the side. “I thought I was being nice!” He looked so defeated.

• And just like that, he started sobbing. Tears were streaming down his face like you’d never seen before. So powerful, they left visible marks even on his black shirt. He kept trying to get words out through his cries.

• ”Baby, I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” he cried. “I didn’t know it would come across like that… I would NEVER,” he genuinely could not contain himself as he strained to get the words out. “I would NEVER do that to you! I could never think of someone else like that.”

• Teardrops kept trickling down as he reached to grab your other hand into his. “I love you- only you! I could never flirt with someone else! But the fact that I made you feel like that- that that’s what it looked like to you…” he couldn’t even see anymore with the water flowing out of himself. “I am just so sorry… Y/n I’m so sorry! Please, please believe me.” He was getting choked now. His face was red like he was about to pass out from lack of air.

• You stood still, not knowing yet what to believe or what to say.

• “Baby please! Please,” he took your face in his hands, feeling of the few stray tears on your own face. “Please. I love you. Please don’t shut me out. I thought I was just being nice and I- I-… I’ve..” he huffed, struggling to get out what he wanted to say. “I’ve done the last thing I ever wanted to do. I would never intentionally hurt you, do you understand me?!” He tried his best to look into your eyes. All you could see were tears weeping out, redness shooting in all directions, and a look of absolute brokenness. “I promise I never meant to come across that way. I thought I was just being nice to her, that is ALL. YOU are the only person I care about. No one else means anything to me. Without you, I am NOTHING. Please baby, please listen to me. Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything to make this right.”

• He continued to wail as he brought his arms around your body, resting his head on the side of yours. His tears began to soak down into your hair. There was still nothing you could say. I mean, what could you say? Your boyfriend was notorious for being a charming guy… But knowing that didn’t make this situation any easier.

• “Please baby,” he rubbed your head as he plead. “Please just tell me how to fix it and I will. I don’t want you to ever feel that way again.” You felt the water from his eyes now drench your hair entirely. “I PROMISE if you show me what I’m doing wrong, I will never do it again. I promise I will be perfect for you. Just tell me how. I will do ANYTHING! I am BEGGING, y/n!”

• He stood there, holding you as tightly as he could while cradling your head and trying to quieten his sobs. He waited for you to give him some sort of response. Good, bad, ANYTHING was better than nothing. He felt his heart physically break inside his chest when you remained silent, not even motioning to begin getting a word out.

• He slowly pulled his face away from your hair, coming up to face directly into you one last time. His whole face was swollen, pink cheeks now extended into a pink nose and pink ears, streaks of both new and old teardrops going in every direction.

• “Y/n please,” he begged. “Just tell me something… Anything.” He felt like the floor could drop from under him any moment. A gnawing pit formed in his stomach that he felt was going to jump out of his throat while waiting to hear you.

• You stood still for another moment, moving your eyes down and contemplating what you could even say at this point. Your emotions were so mixed.

• “I love you so much. Please know that,” tears still in his eyes, he leaned down to kiss you. It was wet and you could feel the desperation in the intensity he moved his lips over yours. You leaned into it the slightest bit, giving him most minute sense of hope. He clung onto the kiss with everything he could, throwing his lips further into yours before you felt the tears start to slowly separate you again. He pulled his lips off of yours with violent hesitancy.

• He whispered now, as if he didn’t want anyone else in the world to hear him. “Please teach me what you want. Say the word, and I will do it...” small tears now were the only ones coming out. “I would give up everything for you, y/n. Money, fame, anything. Please just teach me what you want…. Please-” he cried, “please don’t leave me.”

• wellll, I’ll let you decide what your fate is with chan 🤭 to forgive or not to forgive?

• ohhh the world of a mercury in libra

——————————————————————————————

If you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging <3

[simplepotatofarmer]

This is just me but something I was a bit worried about for a while is that there might be some bitterness between the Dream fans and other people in the mcyt fandom. Like I get it, some of the people there were awful and did whole harassment campaigns. But…I don’t know sometimes I go to some blog and find a bitter post about a qsmp or some of the mcyt people and o get a bit worried that some might lash out against them. Like yeah they’re not perfect and I get why they’re angry. But sometimes I worried that some people might take it too far and end up doing the same as the antis. sorry if it dont makes sense but this is just me

I mean, you've got to understand that we went through over a year of not just false accusations (which people still spread despite being disproven and despite understanding how terrible false accusations are especially after recent events) but through absolutely awful harassment that hasn't stopped.

there's lies that are spread (dream had airhorns playing during the 'uieud' video?? which did not happen), people supporting not just assault but ableism, homophobia, and antisemitism solely because the 'other side' was dream, and people making posts in mcytblr spheres talking about how dteam fans should die.

and then as an ojibwe person who was watching the qsmp, it was awful and disappointing to see that all go down and to feel genuinely scared and unheard when voicing my feelings on it. and that's just one event, that's not counting being forced to leave discord servers or feeling unwelcome in them.

i don't know how to explain how bad it is. just recently a large mcyt blog made a post about chasing off dream fans:

if there's bitterness, trust me, we'd rather there not be! we'd love to just be able to exist but it's not possible half the time.

things are getting better but man. i lost friends for venting about being harassed because they were more focused on how i was venting.

none of us want this. every single person i know would love for it to go back to how it was.

and i get what you're saying. i do think people take it too far sometimes. i'm absolutely against that kind of thing. i do understand, though, how deeply hurt people are. and i think there's a level of hypocrisy that happens where it's okay to lash out at and make pretty awful jokes about dream and his fans and when one of his fans calls something out, it becomes 'petty fandom drama'. like getting my concerns about racism on a server i was actively watching (and still do for people like niki) dismissed as 'well you don't like the server because you're a dream fan so of course' sucked. or people making jokes about death threats, stalking, and SA threats being called out becomes drama, y'know?

basically, i don't know man. it sucks. i had to change my phone number. i had threats made against my kids and pets. and a lot of it was dismissed so i'm not surprised there's bitterness. people were deeply hurt. people are upset at some of the hypocrisy shown (it's okay for this cc to do xyz but things from years ago are still brought up re: dream).

which means, yeah, sometimes they do take it too far and i don't like it and i think it's become this very toxic cycle that's probably never gonna stop until people just. leave things alone, y'know?

and stop thinking there's an 'acceptable' target for harassment because there's not.

i know you get it, though, and i appreciate that. i really wish other people would be as understanding.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

This is something that has been eating at me (pun intended) for years and I just want to know if I’m the asshole.

I am 19 year old girl and I have a brother who is a few years younger than me. Ever since he was 13, he’s been eating all the food in the house. I know that’s what teenage boys do, but it is excessive.

I have asked him repeatedly not to eat certain foods that I was saving or would like to have as a snack. He eats them anyway. And I have very big feelings about that. Every time he eats something I told him not to eat, I get very angry and I yell at him, telling him he shouldn’t do that. I have moved on to telling him he can eat SOME of the certain foods but then he just leaves me crumbs. It is infuriating. If I want something, I have to eat all of it immediately or else I get nothing. He always says “you should’ve eaten it earlier” and it drives me nuts. Our mom wouldn’t let us have food in our rooms.

Our mom never tells him he is in the wrong, she only says he’s a teenage boy and that’s what teenage boys do and there’s no way he can change (she says this about a lot of his awful behavior) but it genuinely makes me so furious when he does this. I have been so mean to him and yelled at him a lot because he keeps eating everything and leaving none for me, and I feel bad, but I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

The other day I bought a yogurt for myself to specifically eat for breakfast the next day before my test. In the morning it was gone. I had a breakdown. I screamed so loudly the dog hid under the table. My brother denies eating it but no one else would have. I have told him in the past never to eat something if there is just one of it, because in that case it is likely that he has either eaten the rest of them or it was bought specially by someone for themself.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. Should I just leave him alone?? I want him to know how he makes me feel when he does that, but I feel bad for getting so angry. I tell him but he doesn’t seem to care at all! AITA for reacting so angrily and yelling at him so much??

What are these acronyms?

[zukosdualdao]

katara saying she doesn’t know about her feelings for aang because they’re in the middle of a war makes a lot of sense to me as a reason for keeping the conflict between why they can’t yet be together in the narrative. i mean, you know, feels a little contrived but whatever, i know why the creators are doing it, they want them to get together at the end so katara can be treated as a prize for his heroism in winning the war.

like, it makes sense, she wants them to stay focused, and i think the idea of getting into a romantic relationship with aang before the war is over would be really scary because of her abandonment issues and trauma. regardless of whether she feels that way about aang or not, she does care about him, and being together in that way would just another layer to her fear, because what if they don’t win, what if aang dies? part of it is certainly her trying to preemptively protect herself from that pain. being in a relationship with him would only further complicate things at this point.

but then they go a step further and have aang ask when she will know and katara not able to give an answer, instead saying she’s confused. katara doesn’t know what she feels about aang in the penultimate episode of the series (if we’re treating the multi-ep finale as one entity, which i tend to). that’s a really weird place to leave your main couple. to have katara admit she doesn’t know what she feels or wants to happen (and like, they could have had her say that she wanted to wait to talk about it until after the war, that she might feel more ready then, but instead, she doesn’t know how she feels and seems uncomfortable talking about it at all, so it really comes across like she doesn’t want to and is leaning toward no to the idea of being in a relationship with him.) him kissing her without her consent and them never talking about it again or talking about what her own feelings are is genuinely awful, but it’s the rotten cherry on top of some already very weird writing.

i don’t tend to subscribe to the idea that zutara was meant to be canon before a last-minute change (though i do think there were conversations and discord/dissent in the ranks of the writers’ room) or that bryke ever seriously considered NOT making KA endgame. but that just makes this weirder? i don’t understand why you would write a scene like this if you aren’t trying to tank the relationship?

it’s not helped by the fact that this comes directly after tsr, in which they had a major conflict over their different values and perspectives (and aang, imo, exhibited some pretty insensitive behavior toward her), and it never really got resolved. she still seems pretty angry at him at the end of the ep, side-eyeing him when he says he’s proud of her forgiving yon rha, voice and expression hardening as she tells him that she never will. considering that it was never really resolved… it doesn’t seem unlikely to me that this could be on her mind as well, as one potential reason she’s unsure about a romantic relationship with him.

[loboto-bear]

Why do you love Franco Barbi so much 🤔 speaking as a fellow lover of that crazy lil man

Oh boy, good question.

I’ve kind of explained this before, but I guess this is an opportunity to go into more detail.

On a base level, I just enjoy Franco because he’s the perfect mix of entertaining and horrifying. His voice actor did a fantastic job and I love just listening to him when he’s toddling about in the trials. I love that, even though he has baggage and motives behind his sadistic actions, there’s also just an objective level of enjoyment he gets out of what he does. All the antagonists in Outlast are unapologetically awful and it makes them insanely fun, but Trials really knocked it out of the park, I think. Everything about his general design also fucks severely. I’ve always been a fan of childish characters mixed with very un-childish behaviour and aesthetics, and Franco being a fucking mafioso with a pacifier round his neck fits the bill. The Downtown map and the whole, like, Diner decor you could get for the sleep room also itched my brain in all the right ways, but that’s just because I’m a sucker for cities and 50s decor.

That being said………

(Warning for Personal Nonsense under the cut)

I’d be lying if I said the depths of my enjoyment of Franco wasn’t mostly personal. I’ve mentioned this in passing before and tried to vaguepost about it, but I’ve got my fair share of Mommy Issues™️ and the way in which Franco handles his is oddly validating to me? And before people get weird about this, because I know they will, I mean that in the sense that he’s highly emotional and he’s just sort of allowed to be that way. I won’t go into detail for obvious reasons, but I grew up in a household where everyone else’s emotions were okay, but mine weren’t, which has led me to have a lot of difficulty Feeling things. I’ve said before that I don’t think Franco’s baby shtick is entirely sexual, I think he does have genuine age regressive tendencies and the fact that they seem to manifest in him being emotionally volatile and angry and crying is very refreshing. He’s real as fuck for that.

I made a post a while back about how Franco’s first crime was being undesirable to his family, which- as someone who grew up undiagnosed and still hasn’t been treated any differently SINCE being diagnosed- was a very sore spot for me. It sounds dumb, but I never really thought much about how I was treated until I started looking at Franco more and then everything hit me at once. My girlfriend also helped a lot with connecting the dots, so I can’t take all the credit for that.

Writing him throughout Reparenting Lupara has been oddly therapeutic to me. It’s allowed me to explore certain aspects of my own problems through him, and so the last few months have been very emotional for me. Lots of personal revelations and junk. It’s weird how certain characters can pop up at the right time and make you think about things you never considered.

But uhhhh yeah. TL;DR: Freaky Baby Man is very cool aesthetically and also hit me where it hurts lmao

[philsmeatylegss]

It’s crazy because I study history and love history with a big preference for very dark topics like genocide and dictators and just awful shit but I can’t even skim women’s history because it just gets me so angry. Even current events, like I cannot spend more than a few minutes updating myself on Taliban rule on Afghanistan because of how angry it makes me. I don’t think people realize in the west “oh what rights do women not have that men do” and like that’s not the point. We didn’t have those rights until starting around the 60s-80s if we’re being generous. And that’s in places where women’s rights are good. I took an intro of WGST in college and at the end of the semester my teacher, who is from and often travels to India, spoke about how advocating for feminism and women’s rights isn’t over until every single woman on earth is equal. And it’s just the point that that didn’t even start being a possibility until a century ago. Like people don’t fucking realize how long history is. For thousands of years everywhere women were oppressed. Yes, there’s exceptions and all not equally horrific, but living right now in a country where it is mostly agreed that women are equal to men is an experience such a small amount of women have every experienced. And it just makes me so fucking angry. Because it’s just so fucking pointless.

I have a big capstone I’m working on next semester and I would love to do it on post colonial African history but I probably won’t because there’s just not enough resources for me to research. You see the same shit for women. Especially BIPOC women. There’s just nothing. I’m really passionate about studying hard topics partially because it makes me feel like I’m helping the victims not be forgotten, but you encounter shit like this and it’s just like there’s millions probably billions of unnamed women that I will never have the privilege to know their suffering because no one gave enough of a shit to document it.

Racism and misogyny in history and archiving is a huge whole other topic I won’t get into but it’s just so aggravating

People make fun of the angry feminist stereotype because they don’t do the research as to why those feminists are angry. That’s why history is so fucking important. If all the people who make fun of it took a fucking second to read a fucking book about the history of women and the current state of women’s rights in certain areas of the world, you would be fucking angry too.

Genuinely so many people who are growing up in societies where, at least ideologically, it is taught men and women are equal have no concept of how fucking lucky they are.

And it’s still going on. That’s also what gets me. People talk about sexism and hatred of women like it stopped when (white) American women were able to vote when women in Afghanistan can’t fucking talk to each other purely for being a woman.

This is just such a random long rant that wasn’t supposed to be long and I refuse to spell check but I hate how angry it makes me and I wish I could tolerate studying it more

[you-are-my-king-now-cariad]

Discord Thoughts

So basically this is room for me to talk about things in the Discord that inspired/reminded me of certain things, that I wanted to say but the conversation moved on, etc. In other words, I’m just rambling here. But y’all seem to like that, so here. No particular ordering of anything besides the order they came up-and some of them might be from my irl friends, I’m not actually sure.

Alice as Regent/Squire

Staying Close

Root Will Save Him

Willark VS Brelwyn

This might be my Brel Glasses, but it seems like William and Lark are intentionally the opposite of Bree and Sel. We don’t see them much, but we do know a few things: William is unquestionably good and pure, neither of them seem like they’re going to make a move, and Lark is remarkably perceptive about Brel.

1. William and Sel are surprisingly accurate foils. (Is it still a foil when they’re kind of opposites?) One is lawful good (and is proud of that) and the other is chaotic good. One is human, one is demon. One is never going to hurt anyone unless he absolutely has to, the other is… uh, Sel. Obviously both are generally ‘good,’ but Sel is fighting off an internal chaotic evil demon-not exactly going to blame him for being less than angelic. Also considering William has always been a safe space for Bree, particularly when Sel’s actively hunting her, and that they’re friends? It starts to feel intentional. Am I making any sense at all?

2. Both Lark and William are the definition of incredibly adorable gay panic.

Instalove VS Devotion

Okay, this is the first one I’m actually typing out bc I have the most to say about it and it’s probably the least coherent. Thanks @paigeagainstdamachine for making a vague comment that started this whole train-

I’m not saying instalove is ‘bad,’ or that her relationship with Nick is somehow fake because it was fast. Let’s get that out of the way. You can absolutely have a fast romance that is still incredibly real and long-lasting-see my parents, who were dating for 6 months before getting engaged and are still married after ~25 years.

But I will say that as someone currently in high school… I’ve seen this movie a lot. It’s true love with the boy who just moved in next door, until he’s not new and shiny anymore and you start seeing all the shitty parts of his personality. He’s not a bad person, either-just one too many red flags or negatives, but it’s not like he’s abusive or cheating or anything.

This doesn’t have to echo in Legendborn. I do believe that Nick genuinely loves Bree, and that it’s mutual. (At the very least, whatever they have is more than just friendship.) I’m just… if they’re endgame, they shouldn’t feel so immature. Yes, they’re adorable (especially in LB), but it feels like a high school romance-and it is. It feels like my brother’s senior relationship-they were going to different colleges and both agreed that they probably wouldn’t be able to manage long-distance, so there was a time limit from the beginning. I can’t actually explain why Brick feels so… young? It just does.

Brel, on the other hand? Yeah, ofc it’s also a high school romance, but like… there is so much trust and devotion and it feels natural. They have the kind of relationship where you actually can stay friends when you break up because you just fit together. Then again, I’m just a sucker for well-written edgy demon boys, so I could be a little biased. They fight, but a healthy relationship isn’t defined by ‘we don’t ever fight.’ It’s defined by ‘we can forgive and forget.’ It’s defined by ‘no matter how angry I might be towards you, whatever mistakes you’ve made, I don’t want you to suffer.’ And that’s exactly what Sel and Bree have found.

“We fought…”

“We’ll always fight, I think.”

They fight, and they move on. They forgive. They love the other no matter what. And not to be a Sel apologist, but uhh this is exactly the kind of relationship he’s needed for so long and as much as the “I can fix him” mindset is awful she literally is giving him a reason to be a good person. Both make really big mistakes, and they get mad, say and do things they shouldn’t… but they always, always come back together.

[gildedlavender]

Ok, so here are my very long winded thoughts about OBX part 2. This might be a lot, but I’m not only heartbroken but extremely angry. First, fuck the Pates/Shannon. Finding out that the creators of your favorite show not only hate JJ and Kiara, but also their fans is awful. Having the nerve to sit there and say all that bullshit to try and justify killing JJ? If Rudy wanted to leave, which it’s sounding like that, they gave JJ the worst end possible and tried to ruin his character just to spite him, which is pretty evil. They could’ve written him off any other way with an easier possibility to come back next season. Not to mention them talking about possibly making Riara a thing?! Excuse me?! Kiara would never be with anyone else in the last season, let alone him. I swear to god if they try to pull that shit, Madison better raise hell on that set, because no one hates Riara more than her.

The disrespect to not only JJ but Kiara as well just baffles me. They made Kiara lose her soulmate and now she’ll be the only one who’s alone and miserable. JJ going through hell the whole second half of the season only to have no character development, his friends not be there for him or seem to care about what he’s going through, then die and barely have anyone except Kiara react?! He was abused his whole life, only for his real father to kill him. What kind of an ending for a beloved character is that? JJ literally died for no reason. He’d given Chandler what he wanted already. Having him still die afterwards was just cruel and unnecessary. Not to mention, his death felt weird and rushed. First, instead of running away after giving Chandler the crown, they just stand hugging in his vicinity, then when JJ gets stabbed, Kiara just stands there and doesn’t intervene until he’s done getting stabbed? Then, you expect me to believe he died that quickly afterwards, when Sarah got shot and they had time to drive her all that way before she “died” and came back to life? Rudy gave a good performance, and Madison gave a pretty good one, but I needed more from her in that scene. Everyone else’s reactions were off as well. Why was nobody trying to get him to a hospital, put pressure on his wound, or do CPR? Why wasn’t everyone sobbing and doing everything they could to keep him alive? Then they just buried him in the sand in Morocco?! That made me sick. They can’t even visit his grave. It’s so disrespectful.

Not to mention, Jiara just got together at the end of last season, then the first season we see them as an actual couple, he fucking dies and they’re over, and to make it worse, we barely got any Jiara scenes in Part 2. It literally feels like we never even got to see them as an actual couple. One bad angled kiss scene in 10 episodes is preposterous. If Rudy actually asked for less Jiara intimate scenes, the Pates should’ve shut that shit down immediately and made him do his job. I don’t know why he’d suddenly have an issue though since he didn’t seem to have one in season 3, or Part 1. And Madison’s acting in part 2 during most Jiara scenes, except the last episode, were really emotionless. Even if she was mad at Rudy, she shouldn’t have let that affect her performance. How can both of them be so unprofessional?

The Pates basically said all the couples were endgame. Now you’re telling me, that after everything, everyone gets a happy ending but Kiara and JJ? How would anyone want that for a fan favorite couple? Genuinely why did they even bother making Jiara a thing if this is how they were going to end. What was the point?

Next, a big fuck you to Rudy and Madison for going through that whole press tour giving us hope like that about Jiara. Talking about them being endgame, JJ having great character development, and Rudy acting excited about another season. Literally none of what they said was true. I genuinely don’t know how anyone allowed this to happen. If Rudy wanted to leave so bad, why did he always say he loved playing JJ? He couldn’t suck it up for one more season, seriously? I don’t know what happened between part 1 and 2, but they felt like two completely different seasons. How was he ok with that being JJ’s ending? And the Pates have to be the dumbest people on earth to throw away almost their entire fan base like that. This isn’t some high brow drama where killing main characters is expected. This is a fun teen summer show about treasure hunting. The only way they can make this right is to use the crown to bring JJ back. I would have to think by now, they’re realizing what a horrible mistake they’ve made and that they’re going to be in a lot of trouble for season 5. I’m praying that they can convince Rudy to come back for at least one episode to give him and Jiara a happy ending. I don’t care what they have to do. This was one of the best teen dramas out there and it brought me so much joy. Now I can’t even stomach rewatching it. I’ve never seen a show destroy itself so completely so quickly. Regardless, JJ will always be one of my favorite characters and Jiara one of my favorite ships. They deserved so much better.

[ennn]

It is very interesting! I do like a less unhinged and far less obnoxious Rio in AUs. From what we saw of Rio in e1, e4 and e9 she could be very soft and even when they were fighting on “the road” in e8 she was still trying to be understanding until the “never want to see you again”

“gurl are you seriously forgiving her just like that? wild” haha I’m sorry but she would you know she would like I don’t know what she did there but in no universe Rio wouldn’t forgive Agatha and take her back if Agatha made a genuine bit of effort.

Rio is your favorite and you want fics that focus on her where she’s more than the character who loves Agatha and I get that. I love them both but imo there wasn’t that much Aubrey Plaza in the show and the main characteristics of Rio is that she’s Death but they barely explored it and that she’s very much in love and deeply devoted to Agatha. Even Jac Schaeffer said something about creating Rio that Agatha having Death so down bad for her was the coolest thing ever.

The vampire AU is super fun but I still have to catch up. For me “post-canon ghoulniverse” has the most IC Agatha and Rio by far. Unhinged Agatha and Rio and very much in love. Tbh I read fic for many many years and every fandom is mainly AUs now and most fics just use the canon names for characters that barely look or sound like their canon counterparts so I just try to find what I like and have fun but I do miss when rec posts were popular. There were even LJ communities lol and your rec post left me full of nostalgia :)

Oh yeah I mean, I totally agree that Rio is down bad for Agatha. Gurl folded like a lawn chair at least twice at some flirting.

But at the same time, gurl is vicious and angry. Like I saw a GIF set of the confession scene the other day and Rio is very snarly even in that moment. Which is a choice I love.

And I'm sorry no, I'm tired of the argument that "well Rio didn't have a lot of screentime and she was really down bad so that's what I got from the character".

Sorry if this sounds mean, this isn't just directed at you, I've heard it from more than one person in fandom and it just doesn't compute for me and my autistic brain.

A lack of screentime doesn't mean ignoring what Rio does for literally half her screentime: which is to be an annoying little shit and a danger to Agatha. Like if you look at episode one alone: Rio spends half her time being soft and understanding and patient, and then the other half doing violence. That's Rio. Soft but also with edges.

Like I get people want someone to love Agatha but there's a difference between: this is what canon is telling us, and this is what I'm choosing to ignore about the character from canon.

Which people are absolutely free to do! I just feel that we should be clear about it.

Also I do love that you brought up Ghoulniverse because that I think is a prime example of how the two of them are handled well (besides the characters being delightfully unhinged and hilarious). Like, Rio doesn't just instantly drop everything and forgive Agatha after Agatha makes one genuine effort to not be awful. There's a lot of hurt and doubt after centuries and I think it takes at least a few conversations before they get back together.

I'm just very hmmmmm at fics where Agatha does her emotional arc, feels bad, makes one apology and everything's okay.

But you know, I'm also well aware that slow burn seems to be a thing people struggle with, so unless it's a fic like Ghoulniverse focused on both of them figuring out their shit, people want their happy ending quickly. Probably because the real world sucks in a lot of ways especially right now.

Anyway, thank you for being very polite and cool Anon. I hope I didn't come across as too salty in here. And I'm glad you found what recs I did make helpful in some way.