#it made me so happy because i am always assumed cishet

[iguessitsjustme]

Just remembered the time another queer person clocked me as a queer person at an art fair and kicking myself because I lost their business card and I wanted to buy some of their art which was really fucking cool and very on brand for me

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Spider-man: Across the Spider-Verse Trailer Thoughts

Can I just start this post off by saying that I am totally normal? Over this movie? Perfectly reasonable in my level of hype and mentally well in every way? Mhm, trust me. Anyway, onto the blurbs!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Seems Miles is at his teenage rebellion stage

-Miles' teacher telling him he's not doing too well in Spanish in front of his Puerto Rican mother is an ouch (in that it's hilarious, but not for him. Sorry Miles)

-Seems there's gonna be a rift between Miles and his parents now that he's Spider-Man full time and very much keeping it secret from them; maybe this movie is where they find out?

-Across the Spider Verse seems to also have a core theme of Miles going against the grain and doing things his way, forging his own individual path for how he wants to do Spider-Man. Looking forward to seeing a more grown up Miles that is able to go further into his self-exploration now that he's reaching older teen/young adulthood.

-I think Gwen and Miles might get together this movie which... eh. Alright. No hate to the ship, but the first movie felt very platonic save for Miles liking her cause she's a pretty girl, and rip to cishet society but that ain't enough to sell me on a relationship. Maybe they'll get some development in this movie? Until possibly that I'm just gonna enjoy them as friends personally

-Apparently Oscar Isaac voices Miguel... Doctor Strange was not kidding when he said the multiverse got screwed in NWH

-Here we have Jessica Drew, Marvel's first (continuous) Spider-Woman! She looks awesome, and based on how often she appeared in the trailer, I'm assuming she will play a key role.

-I also suspect she will help push the narrative around ATSV's theme of parenthood, with Miles having issues with his own, and Peter becoming a father.

-Regarding the race change for Jessica, I earlier referred to her as the first "continuous" Spider-Woman, because she was the first woman to notably don the spidey title. However, the first official Spider-Woman was actually a one-off character named Valerie the Librarian. Originally, Valerie had no powers; she instead went around as a non-super helping Peter Parker's Spidey in any way she could. Spider Verse has always been by black people for black people, so it doesn't surprise me that they (allegedly) are honing back to Valerie, a black woman and the first official Spider-Woman, to base Jessica's appearance on. Goes to show the creators did their homework, which I'm pleased to see.

She is so beautiful ma'am please take my hand in marriage; also, she's pregnant! She is literally hero-ing while pregnant, which I've realized is not something we really see like... ever. Granted, because its dangerous, but Spider Verse has always made strides to give more diverse female representation, and a pregnant spidey mirroring pregnant working women seems to be next on their list. Happy to see it!

-We got Miguel O'Hara! Admittedly I'm not the most familiar with him, but one doesn't traverse Marvel comic fandom without having heard of this guy. Based on what I'm seeing in the trailer, he looks like a very fun character and I'm excited to know more

-"Don't even get me started on Doctor Strange and the little nerd back on Earth-199999." I am... so normal about the acknowledgment of the MCU in Spiderverse. The multiverse really is converging, which on a meta sense is something I absolutely love so I am very excited to see where the Marvel universe heads.

-Also people have been saying Feige stated the MCU was Earth-616 and Spider Verse went against that, which they're happy about, so if someone could fill me in on what happens in Earth-616 I'd appreciate it!

Peter's back! And he has a spider baby! From what I've seen this is Mayday Parker, daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and she does indeed get her father's spider abilities in the comics. Perhaps we'll see more of her in the future?...👀

Stab me, it would hurt less.

(Looks like Gwen's backstory is being explored more, which is a hooray moment, but its exploring her trauma, which is less hooray.)

And of course... the meme, made multiversal. (Is that fucking PS5 Spiderman)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's about it, very excited for this movie, also afraid, but mostly excited! See y'all when it drops!

[our-aroace-experience]

ok so here's my ace/arospec story

ace:

i learned about being ace

oh i don't know

12 years old maybe

i searched it up after reading about it online

"aroace definition"

it went something like

"being both aromantic and asexual"

i searched up

"aromantic"

"asexual"

at first i thought it was a bit strange

i hadn't learned yet

to distinguish

between romantic attraction and sexual attraction

because i didn't know

people actually wanted sex

people actually saw someone and went

"wow"

"i want to fuck them"

i had a crush on a childhood friend of mine

at the time

(a guy. i am a girl.)

i'd always assumed i was cishet

grew up in a conservative christian household

slightly offtopic but honestly my parents were great

not stereotypical conservative christians

both allies

they had friends who were trans and gay

i'd checked out queer media from the library

and they were fine with it

anyway

back to the story

so since i had a crush on the opposite gender

i assumed ofc

i was cishet

well ofc i wasn't into sex, i was just a kid

but at age 13

almost 14

i was alone

in a hotel room, no parents, on instagram

that's the only time i could get that

late night phone time

when i didn't have parents around

i found @i.put.the.ace.in.disgrace on instagram

scrolled through every fucking post

on their account

and on the #asexual tag

i related to those posts

like

a lot

a suspicious amount for someone supposedly allo

even though i was just a kid

yeah maybe i'd grow into it

maybe i'd feel attraction one day

but not now

and who the hell was going to tell me

what i could or couldn't identify as

so i tried out the ace label

spent hours and hours

wondering if it was right

if i was really ace

if i wasn't too young

but going back to being allo felt wrong

so i decided to keep the label

the first person i came out to

was an online friend

they were so amazing and supportive of it

i love them so much for that

they said i'd been on their gaydar for a while

(a message i still think about

when wondering if i'm really ace)

felt sick the next day

i'd always been an ally

supported my queer friends

arospec aspec trans homosexual i supported them all

but it made me sick

to think about me

myself

being queer

it was sort of rough

but i got through it

later

came out to my friend and her mom

they were cool about it

i knew i'd be safe

they weren't ecstatic or super happy

but they accepted me

"cool"

that's what they said i remember it

i was a hot mess that day too

stuttered over all my words when trying to come out

and they still accepted me

i love them

later

i decided to hint at my identity to my mom

talked about not liking sex

i checked out a few ace books

from the library

my mom took me aside

i don't remember her exact words

it went something like

"it's natural to be curious

but you can't be ace at 14

you're not trying to be

are you?"

ofc

i managed to convince her i was allo

had to be more careful then

arospec:

i'd only had one crush.

one crush who i'd liked as a friend first.

you see where this is going, don't you?

well

i didn't

i'd heard that aces had not very many crushes

so i assumed i was just Really Really Asexual

and i couldn't be aro hahahaha

i'd been in love before!

aros cannot be in love!

oh by golly i was wrong

i started questioning

(only one crush?

my friends are all over their crushes

plural

and i've only had one??

maybe i'm not as allo as i thought)

i debated over gray-aro and demi-aro

picked demi

it described my experience more accurately

came out to aforementioned friend

then aforementioned online friend

they were chill about it

(fucking love them)

then i 3d printed a black ring

and a white ring

ace

and aro

and this is maybe the best part of the whole experience

i had friends who were stereotypical conservative christian

queerphobic

they complimented my aro and ace rings

and so did my mom

and that made me really happy for some reason

shit that was a long ask im sorry

thank you for sharing! i hope your mum comes around to you being aroace one day

also side note: this reads like a poem it’s so well written!

[ssaseaprince]

I swear anyone who says Hannibal and Will aren't canon just didn't watch the show. It's not implied, it's not hinted, it's not subtext. It's incredibly romantic and is explicitly said so. The moment and embrace they shared at the end of season 3 was so powerful to me. Just because they didn't kiss or say "hehe want to be my boyfriend?" like they're in some teen romcom doesn't mean they aren't a canonical pairing. They got together at the END of the show after it being stated several times that they love each other and can't live without each other and want each other more than anyone. Lines like wanting to run away together and hungering for each other and "is Hannibal in love with me" are, apparently, completely platonic in some people's eyes or just wishful thinking or, christ, queerbaiting (a point I hope no one has made because it's ridiculously stupid). I'm quite happy with the end of season 3, but I'd hope for a 4th season if only, so they can be a couple on screen and people can stop being dumb about the canon of their relationship

I am so sorry that I have taken forever to reply to this, I lowkey forgot that my inbox was a thing 😅

You are completely right. I want to call it a lack of media literacy, but I'm not sure that's the best phrase. As an autistic person, I completely understand struggling with subtext and needing to have things presented in a straightforward, blunt way. However, with Hannigram, you don't even need to rely solely on subtext. Like you pointed out, Will flat out says, "Is Hannibal in love with me?" And then you've got the entire cast, the showrunner, writer, producers, etc, all saying that they are canonically in love.

And because of that, I really struggle to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say that Hannigram isn't canon or that their relationship is "open to interpretation." Because if you were solely confused due to issues with understanding subtext, then you wouldn't get all up in arms about people pointing out that Hannigram IS CANON.

This honestly leads me to believe that the very vast majority of people who will fight tooth and nail to convince everyone that Hannibal and Will aren't in love is because of homophobia.

We are not used to seeing queer relationships in media. There is maybe a handful of movies and TV shows that revolve around queer relationships. So it is people's knee-jerk reaction to assume that every character is straight and that only heterosexual relationships are canon, and it's because of this bias that they will fight against all queer representation and only accept it when the characters are physically affectionate, and even then they will find reasons to claim it's not valid.

Cishet people are a lot like white people, and men, and basically every other majority, in the way that they feel the need to relate to every single main character, otherwise they can't enjoy the show/book/movie etc. Hannibal and Will have been confirmed as canon, in and out of the show. But these people will fight against it because, whether consciously or unconsciously, the second that their characters are confirmed as queer, they immediately can't relate to them and therefore can't enjoy the show.

They see queer people and queer relationships as so *other* that queer representation literally ruins it for them. Maybe this is an extreme analogy, but it's like watching a movie about humans, and then halfway through finding out that they're robots, and all of a sudden, these aren't people that you're familiar with, they are something other. The knowledge that a character is queer is genuinely so incomprehensible to them that they will do anything to deny it.

And I think that kind of thinking is the biggest problem. It's not always done with bad intention, and it's not always conscious, but it's there. You can see actors and actresses who do the same thing. They have such a visceral reaction to the idea that their character might be queer, that they immediately shut it down. Because if the character is queer, the character isn't relatable, and if the character isn't relatable somehow, the show isn't enjoyable.

By relatable, I don't just mean, "They're straight, and I'm straight." I mean that they genuinely see queer people as completely other from them, and they just cannot grasp the existence of queer relationships as actual relationships and not just vague ideas. Yes, they know that queer relationships are real, but they genuinely can not look at a queer relationship or a queer person and actually have any level of deeper empathy and understanding. They see queer relationships are something completely different then cishet relationship, so the second that a queer relationship becomes the focus, they disengage.

This all relates back to people refusing to acknowledge any kind of queer relationship as canon unless physical affection is apparent.

Obviously, not all straight people do this, but it's an issue that's a lot more prominent than what most people think. As soon as you start looking for it, you see it everywhere. I'm not saying these people hate queer people or don't want queer representation, but this kind of homophobia is just so widely accepted and normalized that it's a knee-jerk reaction, and unfortunately, it's so normalized that people don't even realize they have these biases that they need to get rid of.

Sorry this reply is so long and late coming! I appreciate the ask and love hearing your opinions ❤️

[y0ubelongwithme]

Oof. You're a lesbian who ships cishet couples and still calls your askbox an "owlery"? Fucking TERF stink is all over you.

Ok so a bit of backstory, although I’m certain no-one cares haha:

I am 29-years-old and I have been on Tumblr since 2011, when I was in college (what Americans would call a junior). I was about 17 years old. At this time the world was unaware of the horrific nightmare that is J.K. Rowling. During that time (as I’m sure many of us can relate), I spent my life on this blog. I learned how to code to make my blog “fun and cool” haha (a very cringe time).

Many years passed and I returned to Tumblr as a “casual user”. I don’t post anymore and don’t interact with others. I tend to go on the tags of things I’m into and like stuff, occasionally reblogging things.

I have tried to figure out how to fix the problematic stuff on my blog, but I gave up because I figured “I don’t interact with people anyway, so no-one will see and therefore no-one will be negatively impacted by it”.

I completely understand why this person thinks that I could be a terf, based on their limited knowledge of me. I would probably assume the same of someone who had “owlery” as their ask box.

But what surprises me is that they came here with the intent to say unkind things… because I am a lesbian who ships a straight couple.

I guess my reason for making the poll to begin with was that something about the original posts I saw left me feeling a bit disheartened.

I felt sort of left out of the conversation. Like, I either ship Tedtrent or I’m a homophobe… which is clearly not the case. Making that poll made me feel a little less alone. But this ask made me feel like there are still queer people out there who struggle with those parts of sexuality that are not all black and white and don’t always make sense.

I recognise that a lot of people on this website are probably a lot younger than I am. Maybe you’re a teen yourself, anon, and you’re struggling with homophobia or Transphobia in your life just like me, and my loved ones, and Tedtrent gave you that hope that you needed. And when that didn’t happen, it made you feel like you weren’t represented in a show you loved.

I completely understand that feeling. Even as an adult, it’s still infuriating!

I guess what I’m trying to say is: “be curious, not judgemental”.

I hope wherever you are anon, you’re safe and happy and you have people in your life who support and love you for exactly who you are <3

[sarcastic-trash]

Reading Heartstopper and this is so fucking relatable. Watching YouTube videos and researching your sexual orientation when your questioning. The Am I Gay quizzes. I remember people assuming I was gay before I even knew I was queer so these two screenshots are so relatable!

Personally in my experience with my sexuality, it's refreshing to read something like Heartstopper because it's so relatable. I remember back when I was convinced I was a cishet girl I never considered being queer. Everyone knew before I did!

I was convinced that because I didn't think I could ever date a woman. I always used the excuse: "It's too much drama." (yes I know the internalized misogyny is gross, I was in middle school back then) I remember then doing research on these things to be a better ally to my queer friends and that research quickly made me realize I wasn't as straight as I thought. I came to the label of bisexuality and pansexuality but decided to use the label bisexuality.

Then I later questioned being a lesbian. This was the pinnacle of researching my own queer identity and taking "Am I Gay" quizzes. I don't identify as a lesbian, still bi but, it's still so relatable to go researching when your unsure of your identity and to see this portrayed makes me so happy

[lavenderlyncis]

Okay, so, this is gonna be a long post about my gender identity I guess, because I have been struggling and need to express it in some way

Tw: struggle with gender identity and experiences with misgendering

I usually don't care about labels too much. I do what I want and that's it. For the past year and a half I have gradually outed myself to people as a trans man. I have an ID with my preferred gender and even a job with my "new" name. And I am happy about that

However, it's always been all a bit weird to me. Most of you don't know what I look like, so it's easy for you to gender me correctly, but if you knew what I looked like, if you knew me irl, you'd have big issues since I don't look trans at all. I barely look masc. The very most people assume of me is that I am a lesbian, but no one ever thinks of me as man. Every single person in my life has a problem with gendering me correctly. Every single one. There is no one who never made a mistake, even those that never knew me under my deadname

I've been told that that's a privilege. Since I don't look trans, I'm safe from hate crimes by people that don't know me (if you disregard the whole looking like a woman or lesbian thing that makes going outside inherently dangerous). But it's really not. Getting misgendered every day of your life by everyone that you've ever known is not a privilege. Knowing the only people I could ever date are bisexuals because I am not man enough to be desired by gay men or straight women and not wan enough for straight men and gay women is not great either. I struggle with feeling undesireble and monstrous anyway, I really did not need the extra pressure

I guess maybe I am not a man. Maybe I'm genderfluid. Going back and forth between it all. I am never a woman. But sometimes I am not really a man. I mean, look at me. Listen to the sound of my voice, my mannerisms. It's not very masculine at all. Sometimes I do look more traditionally male. Or like someone despereately trying to do so

I love tumblr. On here, I get treated like a flamboyant man and I know that other people here actually see me that way. But my real life is so much more different. It's barely survivable. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just go back to being a woman on here so it would hurt less when I have to go into the real world. Not even my therapiat can gender me correctly, she always does it wrong and then corrects herself

But I don't want that. I am not a woman. It's just that no one else sees that. Not even other trans people. Yes, other trans people that I know irl have trouble with gendering me correctly. There is some hope however. I have a friend group that... really tries to gender me correctly and enforce it with everyone around us. They do make mistakes, but I feel like they are the only ones who are really getting it. Ironically, they are all cishet people and I am one of the maybe 2 queer people that they know, yet somehow they are better allies to me than most of the queer people I met in my life (with one big exception but that's not relevant right now)

Why am I even like this? Life would be so much easier if I were just someone else. I'm even tired of correcting people when they misgender me. One of my uni friends misgenders me a lot. She doesn't mean to, she just... doesn't know a lot about the topic I guess. And I don't know how to correct her. I don't want her to feel guilty about it and I am tired of explaining things to everyone all the time. Every time I introduce myself with my male name, I either have to justify myself for being named that way, or the other person just assumes I'm a woman anyway. The only people who have gendered me correctly immediately are people that only know me through emails since they have never seen my face

AND I DON'T EVEN MAKE A HOT WOMAN, THIS IS A SCAM

And sometimes I don't mind being feminine, I like it. I just am never ever a woman. Now, I actively try to make myself more masc, even if that's not what I want all the time, just so people believe me that I'm trans. Yesterday, I had a Professor say to me that it's great that I support trans people. Sir... I am one of those trans people and you KNOW that! Why is it so hard to believe??? I DON'T GET IT

The only person at uni who really gets it is my History professor. He's a real one. My favourite person on earth

In conclusion, I am probably going to a self help group now

[scarefox]

Ok, I didn't want to post this at first. But seeing James feeling that he has to apologize to the annoying selfish crowd makes me mad and I need to vent...

Of course xitter and IG folks are as obnoxious and spiteful as always. I expected some snide stupid comments but didn't expect that it's boiling up to so much ignorance and negativity, despite how transparent, nice and understandable the situation and statements of James, Net and Domundi are??? Heck, even one of his fan translator accounts I followed WHO TRANSLATED his statements is going mimimimimi 🙄 (girl you literally translated what he said and yet you don't understand??)

Before I go into the rant, I want to clarify that there are a lot who support and respect him under his posts. And his friends and family support him too. So it's not all bad but still:

The audacity and distortion of some peoples minds to either make fun of him now, want to see him fail, accusing him of getting into straight roles now in a heavy implicatory tone... (1. don't assume someone's sexuality 2. stop believing every BL actor is cishet 3. he's one of the more direct and open LGBTq allies among BL actors since the start of his acting career 4. I understand EVERY BL actor who turns his back on this industry with fans like these) Or to think they can demand him to just do one last drama just for fans pleasures sake (that would take MONTHS of work???). Imagine someone says they are unhappy and want to leave and you say "no, stay one year longer unhappy for my personal entertainment". Or demand for him to give even more personal details of the reasons why he steps back because apparently him being unhappy and has different goals in life isn't reason enough (he's not even quitting, he just shifts focus on other things!).

Aren't James, Nets and Domundis statements enough on this matter? He even made it extra clear that they (especially he and Net) parted on good terms, just have different goals and opinions in life which they accept for each other! They are still supportive friends to eo. James was not really happy anymore with the situation / workload / job and rather wants to focus on his other dreams and passion that bring him more joy!

And ya know I can guess another reason. One that always makes me a bit worried about him. You don't need to be a psychologist to add 1+1 here (if you don't lack complete empathy):

Those who follow him a bit closer (meaning: watch his interviews and not just the ship / drama related parts, follow his social media stuff, watch his live streams), know that he's a very genuine, deep thinking and sensitive person. From what he publicly shows, tells and lets out in his artwork (which is not happy art + here some of his thoughts + his fashion motives aren't all happy either). He already has horrible experiences from being bullied in school back then, where even teachers didn't help him (his family supported him tho). He once dropped during a live stream that he's "not always happy" and that's why he sometimes asks fans to encourage him. Under his top 5 fav books he recommended, are 4 self-help mental health type books for how to deal with toxic people, self-worth strengthening and mental recovering. (the other one is about flower meanings). He wanted to act as Uea in Bed Friend because he can relate to him, and wanted to tell people through him that it's ok to get help if you struggle and experience bad shit (like him getting bullied for his appearance back then).

I am not saying that he's constantly depressed. He seems more like someone who's fighting it and recovered from bad phases. But there are already cracks, so to say. But he seems to have a good support system with his fam and friends.

But he's struggling with haters / toxic fans since months (+ now even more). THAT worries me. That shit can get even to the most mental stable person. He said he tries to block and ignore them but it still gets to him every time he sees bad comments during live streams. I don't watch all his lives but I still witnessed it 3 times that he had to ask people to be respectful to him. Which I love seeing him standing up for himself and setting boundaries. But I can imagine that things like that are another factor for him to make a cut now.

That he injured his leg a few days ago surely just made that process go faster than planned. Like idk know why people still ponder why he didn't at least finish one last drama... Like are yall blind???? 15 stitches, he's on pain meds and is walking on crutches atm!

It might not be that bad of an injury (as he says) but he's in pain and has to rest for a while now. And before that he was part of Domundis concert (+ training for that!) and fan meeting in Korea. What's not clicking? .... when was he supposed to shoot a whole drama between that as a goodbye? (despite he's maybe in Zomvivor still, since that already started with shooting)

.....

And if you look at his drawings and his thoughts you might notice that him working in this, sometimes quiet shallow, industry seems a bit contradictive. That's why I already expected him to not stay forever in this industry. I just didn't expect him to step back so soon. Hey, I am a bit sad too, to see NetJames separate and James going a different slight way now. But I respect that a lot, that he knows when to say stop and pulls through with it. Now if only people could stop making him feel guilty over it.... It's his life and dreams. He doesn't owe the public anything. We can all be grateful that he shared parts of himself and his work for almost 3 years now? Despite he never really wanted to go into acting. But now that he made it here he's not even leave, he just wants to do other things as well 🤷‍♂️

btw his recent drawing from yesterday

His last IG story is him playing video games with a friend. So he's doing oke. It just annoys me how some "fans" react, they are not different from his haters. They behave like he is their possession and personally betrayed them.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Yeah because systemic oppression of queer communities for millennia means it’s understandable when members of those communities sometimes act out/react badly. Mailin has every privilege in the bag so of course flaws aren’t so easily forgiven

Hi anon! 🧇 Ngl I thought this ask was going to go in a different direction, one that was going to make me complain a lot more lmao.

I was talking about badly written seasons specifically. I'm not talking about queer characters (or any kind of minority characters actually) behaving badly. I love Isak and he was an asshole to like 95% of people he came across. Cris was also an asshole. Kieu My was a bystander to bullying and pulled some dick moves in s5 and s6. I hate to even put Ava in this paragraph, but when she had a personality, she didn't just exist to be Mailin's hypewoman, she had her own motives and pain that meant she didn't say "you go gurl!" to every stunt Mailin pulled. Lol of course members of oppressed communities aren't always precious angels, but we as a fandom give wayyyyyyyyy more leeway to white/light-skinned queer characters than we give cishet (or otherwise) characters of color.

We also give more leeway as a fandom to ASSUMED queer white characters, as we saw during s6 when the Druck social media team had to DEFEND Ava in youtube comments because commenters were massively siding with Mailin. And it wasn't just on youtube. Here on tumblr many people gave Mailin every benefit of the doubt even when Druck kept showing that she was more focused on coming across as the wokest person in the room, than on actually being a good friend to Ava and Fatou. And that was because even in s6, Mailin was assumed ace or sapphic or both. Same with pretty much every Sana/Vilde conflict. Vilde and remakes were given a lot of leeway because people thought she was sapphic. (And to be clear, I think a queer reading of Vilde makes a lot of sense. I'm not saying people are wrong for thinking Vilde is gay. I'm saying that because we/people think Vilde is gay, Vilde enjoyed a loyal fandom who defended her in fandom discourse.)

So if I'm fine with some queer characters behaving badly, why am I not okay with baby Robbe and Isi and whoever else? Well, because they're fictional characters first of all. Ideally, the character arc of a Skams main will be about ("you know what that is?") GROWTH. Isak was taken to task for pretty much every shitty thing he did, and eventually he learns to be more patient and generous (in his season anyway lol, s4 is a bit more complicated) as shown in week 10 when he's a completely different person to Vilde, and lets bygones be bygones with Emma. Likewise Cris was slapped across the face with the consequences of her actions until she made more efforts to understand the people around her and focused on giving them what they needed. Nora G realized that she'd been going through life thinking she had it all figured out, when abusive relationships are more complex than she thought looking at them from the outside. I do not think Robbe was given a character arc that addressed the bits the writers decided to add for funsies, like accusing Sander of abuse or the hate crime. Isi's redemption arc after bullying their childhood friend is, lmao, nonexistent. The love story with Sascha is perfunctory, Sascha and Lou were included because the season had too many poc as leading characters, and Sascha really only exists to make sad faces when Isi once again mistreats him. Then they're given a happy ending as well as the compulsory sex scene.

So you said Mailin's flaws aren't so easily forgiven, and I will say, depends on the viewer. If Mailin has every privilege in the bag, then Sporty Spice has one more. And yet I had to see on the tag a post about how op actually prefers Sporty to Mailin and thinks he's a more compelling character and his season would've been better. The thing is though, with this writing, Sporty would've been just as flat of a character and any storylines just as "how do you do fellow kids". But people like op would've loved it anyway because the actor is so cute. And there are plenty of people (see: youtube commenters circa s6) who still think Mailin is fucking great and think those that attack her are misogynists and "reverse racists" and "fake woke" and "looking for something to hate".

My conclusion being that of the post I already made. Eva Mohn also had pretty much every privilege in the bag, but her season was well written, her character arc made sense, her flaws were addressed, and the character (and by extension, the teens who Eva represented) were validated wherever she was right. And if Druck absolutely had to rob Ava of her well deserved season, the least they could've done was deliver a good Mailin season. And they didn't.

Edit: Also like I said on the tags to a reblog, I don't even place most of the blame on the writers. Q3 were also criticized for a bunch of issues in s3 and s4, but they decided to get educated, invite a diverse film's collective (Jünglinge) onboard and try to improve. And they weren't given the chance to complete this gen as they envisioned. If this bunch of writers, who are after all inexperienced, decide to improve and incorporate fan feedback, ZDF will likely get rid of them too. The problem is ZDF, and the writers are perhaps even more expendable than the cast at this point.

[kustas]

big post of frustrations ahead. it's the time for ranting about Fandom once more, ladies and gentlemen. don't reblog this one

looking for fanart and seeing wha fans on twitter are at the state of vagueposting at a small black youtuber because he (gasp) made a lighthearted ship post with m/f pairings. this blog will not reach anyone involved but at this point you are cunts. ive seen that "anime dudebro" strawman being waved around first when interacting with hxh fans on here and now it continues and the more i see of it the more it's a symptom to a ridiculously petty superiority complex. i am gay too, i understand the frustration at seeing straight pairings all the time but this is for a manga that's openly lgbt friendly and you're not defending yourself against any homophobia, you're deeming someone's takes on blorbo romance as inferior because it's straight or whatever. it's rude.

back when i used to do cons i met with a lot of these dudebros and yes, most of them are painfully cishet people who's worldviews don't always keep gay people as a default in mind. they're also nerds who in my experience have been extremely friendly, open minded people who are happy to follow their passion and share it with others. ive found most people aren't homophobic. they just don't know. before i came out to myself, i was raised in a world where it wasn't an option and didn't know either.

yesterday, i saw someone else be jumped in a conversation for implying straight romance again, this time on discord. i know the guy and not only is he neither homophobic nor transphobic but he's someone who went through effort on his own to familiarize himself with the lgbt fans of the community despite the atmosphere being new and confusing to him, because he saw how many witch hat fans were like this and his response was to get to know them.

idk how the people who act like this work in real life. i am from a country quite friendly to gay people and am lucky to be surrounded by safe folks, and yet the world is still one that sees straight as a default. which extends to media. and jfc, people mentioning m/f pairings doesn't mean these people are homophobic, and isn't an invitation to attack anyone. it's ridiculous how this attitude is always the one sported around SHIP DRAMA, it just reminds me of the homophobic yaoi girls i went to middle school with. ive also not mentioned so far that if you want to be progressive around your romance, why not remember bisexual people exist?

being an outsider to ship culture i always assumed drama was exaggerated but seeing this is extremely dissapointing. don't assume the worst in people. it's not a kind thing to do.

[waitmyturtles]

I want to clarify that in my original post, I actually state that I *don’t* think Jojo et all are making blanket judgements about women judging sex. To further clarify, my “…I don’t know” at the end of that sentence is meant to refer back to the issue of implicit biases within the creative process of men writing women. I can see that reading unclear, so I am happy to clarify.

An oeuvre doth not a perfect artist make. Only Friends has been somewhat of a zeitgeist for GMMTV to push its limits on what it has been willing to portray, on air, by way of sex. I’m psyched that it’s been Jojo behind that zeitgeist, that steering wheel.

At the same time: for those of us familiar with Jojo’s oeuvre — there are highs and lows, stars and duds. You got 3 Will Be Free (almost universally loved) against Never Let Me Go (lots of differing opinions).

Cheum as an underwritten character — through whom we, as viewers, may wonder about the implicit biases that male writers like Jojo and Ninew, may have towards women — is absolutely worth exploring. No one’s writing off the oeuvre, as I mentioned in my original post. But the oeuvre doesn’t keep me from sharpening my critical pencil to pen words and wonder if, indeed, a part of what we’re seeing in Cheum is a slip of a male gaze of a female character. Because…it is a male gaze, from an all-Asian queer male team.

I know I’m repeating myself, but the exploration of this male gaze was the original point of the thread. And within a male gaze — I will always assume some presence of implicit bias. I myself called myself out for it in my original post, because as a cishet woman, I carry my own implicit biases about so much in the world. I ain’t Jesus (nor do I want to be).

As @lurkingshan mentioned in a post that I just reblogged, we conversed earlier today about the general responsibility that producers like GMMTV have to ensure that material centering women/female-presenting persons (which Only Friends does NOT do, and many of Jojo’s past works also do not center women) is crafted with a female/female-presenting gaze. 23.5 will be about women, and is made by women.

It’s okay to get critical if the gazes don’t always align. What we need to look forward to is ensuring that art about all, can be made equally by all.

This post was making its way around last night, about how viewers could/should recognize when female characters in dramas are written by men, and how we as viewers can rejigger our minds around how we then see and interpret these female characters. I'm thinking of Cheum in Only Friends, and how she's been written by an all-male and all-queer team of writers.

Somewhat separately, I'm noting a reblog from my OF Sunday meta by @fromthedepthsandbeyond about how Thai audiences vs. international audiences are receiving Cheum. Holding myself accountable: in my original post that I just linked, I chunked up the deuces on Cheum (and I do still hope April dumps Cheum's ass).

But I gotta ponder what it means that an all-male team wrote Cheum. And as well, I gotta think about what it means for me to interpret a female character in a drama, generally speaking.

What are my implicit biases towards a female character to hold people around her accountable? To hold her brother accountable for making false rape claims against Boston? To hold herself accountable for calling Boston a slut and making judgements against his sexual predictions? To hold herself accountable for continuing to suggest to Mew that he date Top, because Top is top-tier?

What are my implicit biases that a female character in a drama would be written to transcend above the bullshit she is witnessing, to be a cipher of macro-level sensibility and to cut through everyone else's bullshit to speak on the truth of their shenanigans?

What are my implicit and/or explicit expectations that the older sister of a younger brother who lied about rape claims would hold that younger sibling accountable for his falsehoods?

I just wrote on a reblog from @ranchthoughts, as we head towards Saturday's finale, about my giving these characters the space and grace to be imperfect twentysomethings, and I think this ties into how I need to possibly adjust what in the heck is going on with Cheum. And I note that especially from @fromthedepthsandbeyond's thoughts on Thai vs. international interpretations of Cheum.

Could I generalize a Thai interpretation on Cheum as: Cheum is doing the best she can in what we assume to be a Thai/Asian society that still holds in expectation certain roles of peacekeeping that a female should uphold?

I might be able to safely make that assumption, with sensitivity to overgeneralization. (I've been thinking a lot about sexism in Asian families vis à vis my re-watch and re-rewatch of Bad Buddy lately -- and how Pat's traditional Thai-Chinese family upholds lingering notions of sexism towards Pat's younger sister, Pa.)

And could I generalize an international interpretation on Cheum as: we have made so much progress on women's equality, that Cheum should feel free to burn all these assholes down to ash for their inconsistencies and/or lies?

I think there's a tension there, in the interpretive lenses, that I'm playing around with, as I think about getting more open and accountable towards my biases of what I might expect out of a character like Cheum that was written by men.

I don't know, I'm feeling unsettled by this, because in a way, I want to know what Cheum, as a fictional storytelling device, was meant to achieve by way of her placement in the Only Friends story and script. She has extreme judgement against Boston, for instance, and.... I don't know where that judgement stems from, what it means.

Does it mean that guys (like Jojo and the OF team) assume that all women judge sex? I can't think that that's it, considering Jojo's past works, but... I don't know.

So, yeah. I'm struggling with this and pondering it. How do I relate to Cheum now that I'm thinking about her as written as a fictional narrative device by guys? Oof. I wonder if I should have recalibrated my expectations all along.

---

P.S. I think this also touches on a thought I had a few weeks ago about implicit biases towards lesbians -- that a lesbian couple like Mew's moms could be wiser, sharper, and more attuned to their son's implicit angst towards Top; when clearly, when they first met Top, they weren't, at all. I thought that was a brilliant spin by the OF team on biases that we may have about lesbian couples, and what that meant for commentary about the general aloofness of Asian parents in fiction.

[riacte]

I’m going to put some thoughts about MCCP Pink Parrots under the cut (not all are positive, so if you don’t want me to be a party pooper please don’t read)

I know people (*cough* Twitter) have issues with this team because they’re all Cis Het White Males and one made a “lesbiophobic joke” five years ago or something. I agree that it’s probably better to “split the clout” to uplift other creators, especially with three (3) Clout People in the same team (unlike the infamous Pink8 which only had Two Clout People), but I understand why Scott made this decision.

This team feels almost specifically made to hype people up, and the combination will attract people to watch and donate, thus raising more money. While representation is good, I think money raised to practically help people > representation this time. Because this is a charity Pride stream, not just a Pride stream. Raising money is the focus here. Famous cishet white male allies can raise a lot of money. Money can help people. These are all facts whether you like it or not. And if you want to see more LGBTQA+ creators in MCC, support them. If you don’t like a certain creator, don’t watch their team. The end.

Don’t know too much about the other three, but I think Grian is good at hosting charity streams. I’ve watched his Love Tropics stream with Iskall (2019?), the first SOS Africa stream with Ren (2020), the MCC 9 stream (2020), and the second SOS Africa stream with Ren, Bdubs, and Scar (2021). Throughout the streams, Grian is consistently respectful and humble. He urges his viewers to donate by patiently talking about the cause in simple terms (since he knows a lot of kids watch him) but without being patronising. Grian also loves putting numbers into things people can measure (eg. How many hot meals can this sum of money buy, if everyone watching right now donated $1 we can reach our goal). Grian also knows his privilege and mentions he’s just a well off guy playing video games in a comfortable place. When Ren thanked him for supporting his fellow South Africans, Grian replied with “we’re all human”. So I believe Grian will spend a lot of his MCCP stream urging viewers to donate, reading out donations, appreciating donations, etc etc. Grian knows his influence and knows how to use it for good. Someone on Twitter mentioned Grian seemed like the type of person to skip this MCC to give more slots for other creators, and I agreed, but then Grian probably thought he could use his influence for good (considering he had MAJOR success for all his past charity streams).

So all in all, I do think this team can raise a lot of money for a good cause. I am okay with this team. But personally I still have some slight issues that probably don’t matter much, but I need to get them out because it’s been eating me alive. All of these so-called “issues” have to do with fanbases, not CCs. Just because I don’t like part of a CCs’ fanbase doesn’t mean I don’t like the CC.

1. This team will probably intensify the “Grian Is The Only Hermit” phenomenon.

A lot of famous CCs only seem to know Grian out of everybody in Hermitcraft (despite False being in every MCC since debut except the non canon ones). They are somewhat akin to the “Grian Only Hermitcraft Watchers”/ “Grumbo YouTube Stan Army”. There’s nothing wrong with knowing Grian only, or only watching Grian, but most of the times the gigantic population of “Grian Only Stans” will neglect Literally Every Other Hermit (except maybe Mumbo). Even when Grian teams with hermits. Hermitcraft fans are mostly used to this bullshit, and they just nicely try to introduce Grian Only Stans to other hermits (which works most of the time).

So to Techno and Wilbur’s fans (I assume Jimmy’s fans are quite familiar with Grian), they’ll go “omg Grian!! Builder!!! Hermitcrafter!!”. This will introduce a bunch of people to Grian/ Hermitcraft (which is great!) but it has a good chance of evolving into the good ole “Grian is the only hermit that matters” thing. Simply because of popularity.

I actually wanted False-Grian-Techno-Wilbur, because Techno and Wilbur actually know False. Techno of course acknowledged her in Dodgebolt, and False and Wilbur have a surprisingly long history of trolling/ annoying each other (from MCC5-9). Wilbur notably trolled Yellow8 and Blue9 by covering up the letters on their uniforms (both hermit teams WITHOUT GRIAN), and when Grian ignored Wilbur around MCC7 Battle Box, Wilbur chose to annoy False instead. False in return seems to notice Wilbur a tiny bit more than general MCC participants (another one she notices is Fundy), such as being amused/annoyed when he overtakes her in Ace Race and gleefully cheering when Wilbur falls.

False is probably the hermit/ hermit adjacent sans Mr Golden Boi Grian with the most “connections” to SBI, Techno and Wilbur know her (Techno forgot about her in MCC 11 but whatever), and she can deal with the three clout people. Which brings me to the next point.

2. Jimmy Solidarity my beloved…

Naturally, Jimmy has already been neglected because he’s the only one who doesn’t have a lot of “clout”. This is different from the last megaclout team Pink8, because Michael and Burren could “lack clout” together. This time, Jimmy doesn’t have anyone with a similar popularity with him. Red10 made me a little more concerned (viewers have pointed out he seems a little bit neglected by the rest of his teammates, especially during DB when they were shittalking Jimmy’s friends).

CCs wise, they will probably/ hopefully be nice and kind (I say hopefully because I cannot trust anyone from DSMP other than HBomb), everyone will get along, no one will be excluded, everyone is happy.

The toxic fans will probably be rabid towards Jimmy (by extension Grian) if they make even a slight mistake, which is why I’m worried about putting a small/medium sized creator with the BIG BIG creators. But, eh. Toxic people will be toxic no matter what. This isn’t an issue exclusive to Pink Parrots.

3. Clashing attitudes?

Hermits and their friends advocate arrow split. Techno does not. What will happen if this team gets to Dodgebolt? Previously, Grian has always been on “arrow split” teams and greatly enjoyed them. Scott has taken care to put people with similar attitudes together. Now what? I have hope that they’re all mature and can compromise, but eh. Grian is strongly against arrow funnelling and calls it not-gentlemanly. I feel Techno will probably let Grian have a few shots since this is a for fun MCC, but what if they get teamed again for some competitive MCC? They’ll probably work it out, but what might their fanbases think?

To conclude, big fanbases = big benefits + big problems. This is not exclusive to Pink Parrots. In fact, I think this is probably the best mix of builders and clout people for this scenario (I personally do not want to see False-Puffy or Ren-Dream). Techno and Wilbur’s fanbases are already the nicer part of the DSMP fanbase.

The most important part is raising money of course, and the silly “issues” I mentioned above don’t mean anything in comparison. Why care about online matters when the money can help people in the real world?

That being sad, I was just a tiny bit salty and I had to get this out. Nonetheless I’m happy about this team, will definitely be interesting (selfishly hope they don’t win because Twitter will be mad a team of cishets won). Anyways, if you’ve read up to here, thank you for reading my ramblings.

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

YEEHAW IT’S MIDNIGHT WHICH MEANS IT’S AUGUST 1ST WHICH MEANS INK DEMONTH SO I CAN FINALLY POST THIS NOW:

1. Pride

Diversity win! There is not a single cishet in the hivemind of ink creatures (To their knowledge) that you slaughter on a daily basis to make yourself beautiful! AKA: Possum has a fuck ton of LBGT+ headcanons regarding the BATIM cast and is happy to use this DeMonth prompt to indulge them. (Set before the loop starts, but after Buddy Boris meets/befriends the lost ones.)

Malice flicked through the channels of her cameras, trying to find more prey in her territory, and stopped when she saw a gathering of the lost and the searching (and exactly one Boris, the most perfect one she had ever seen.) in the Heavenly toy’s lobby, their prophet was brazenly sitting on the side of the waterfall as if he did not fear the ink when he should have.

Her ears steamed with anger as she saw that group, it was far too large for her to deal with on her own and too far away from the Projectionist’s grounds for her to manage to lure him to them. But on the bright side, she could learn some important information from them, after all, with how casually the prophet was sitting and gesturing and how the other freaks in the crowd were responding, this was clearly not one of his normal sermons.

(“I still find it rather funny that almost none of us are straight and that the few straight ones among us are trans, it’s like all this time we thought we were sheep hiding away in wolves’ clothing among wolves, unaware that the “wolves” were simply other sheep in hiding as well!”)

[Funnily enough, I’d rather be a sheep than a wolf, I think it makes more sense for me to be an animal that’s helpful to others but also easily scared.] The Boris wrote on a typewriter. [Or at least, I wish I had some kind of input on what I am, but I doubt I’d make myself an animal…]

(“Speaking of which...”) The lost one next to the wolf whispered in his ear as she looked over his typing. (“How are you holding up, Buddy?”)

Instead of typing, the wolf drew himself shrugging and put a bunch of question marks around him, then stuck the drawn-on paper in his typewriter and added to it.

[It’s hard to think most of the time, Boris always seems stronger when I’m alone, but I know the Ink demon will find us if I stay with you, this hunger is driving me crazy, and I just wanna go home. But on the bright side, I don’t have to deal with periods, chest pain from binding, or people condescendingly calling me ‘Miss Lewek’ anymore.]

She turned on the sound in that room, watching them like one would watch a Tv drama, but what she heard caught her off guard.

“So as long as we’re being honest about ourselves with each other…” The lost one stood up and pointed accusingly at Sammy. “Were you and Joey and a thing all along before the machine came into the picture!?”

If she was drinking water, she would’ve spat it right back out. Sammy, with Joey?! In the latter’s dreams, maybe! Even a few of the other lost ones looked shocked at the question, the Boris even gasped loud enough for it to be audible.

“Technically yes, but not by choice, mind you.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

What the fuck indeed random lost one. The angel wished that she didn’t hear that, but now that she couldn’t unsee it, at least it made a little bit of sense in hindsight. After all, in her eyes, they were awful enough to deserve each other.

“...Why?”

“It’s just, well... somebody had to keep his eyes from wandering to the lambs- err- younger, more naive, less experienced employees, not children (to my knowledge). And at the time, I really thought that he did at least care about me beyond our work relationships, at least a little bit…  But from what I’ve seen, I believe the only things he had ever truly loved were himself, and the idealized versions he had made of other people. His ‘dream versions’ of them, if you will.”

“And this whole time, I thought he was running off with Susie with all those lunch dates! Or where the three of you all… yaknow, *together* together?”

 “Not knowingly… However I wouldn’t put it past Joey to cheat on people. As for Susie... I did like her, maybe even love her in a way, but I doubt I could ever love her in the way she wanted me to love her, and-or love her carnally. I don’t even think I could fake it like I could for Joey, she was never signing my checks and wasn’t holding that over my head so I’d be too disgusted to even try.”

Malice was almost about to march down there herself and push him into the ink, but she knew this troupe all too well, and knew that sometimes this place worked on story logic, he’s now going to say something that alters the context of that statement enough to not justify her going over there and slam dunking him into the ink.

“Now that I think of it, I don’t think that I’ve ever loved… anyone in that sense. I can’t think of a single person or situation where the idea of doing that is anything other than gross at best. In fact, there was someone who was close to me a long time ago, someone who, while I have long forgotten now, would perhaps even be what one could consider a soulmate. Even then, the mere thought of doing that with them still makes me queasy…” The prophet sighed. “I suppose I am simply meant to remain alone in religious celibacy. A relationship of that kind would interfere too much with my worship anyway.”

"Ahh fahr foehck's sake... I can't believe dat it's dis foehckin stupid..." A more lucid, absolute giant of a searcher in the back of the crowd slapped his forehead.

“It?” Malice repeated curiously. “Huh… maybe it and I had more in common than we thought.”

“You're clearly a sex-repoehlsed asexual, you doehmbass! literally everyahne who's ever been in de dark poehddles at de same time as you figured dis ooeht befahre you ded!” He shouted through cupped hands. “celibate people are people who WANT sex, boeht dahn't poehrsue it fahr variooehs reasahns, dey ARE NAHT people who are desgoehsted wit sex to de point where dey legitimately throw oehp and feel 'ahrreble after doin de nahrmal vanella stoehff! Stahp foehckin foehckin people when you're clearly naht cahmfortable wit it, and you and future partner..s? 'll be 'appier wit yooehr rahmantic poehrsuits!”

The searcher, upon realizing that he had furiously sworn at the Prophet, their leader, the one who does not fear anything within the studio, not even the deepest depths of the dark puddles, and most terrifyingly of all; the former music director, he slinked into a puddle within the crowd in fear of being the target of reawakened ancient wrath. Everybody else looked back and forth to the prophet and back at the searcher who spoke out as they remained in stunned silence, even their eavesdropper was worried for his fate, even if in her case she feared how the show would end rather than his outcome. Surprisingly, and luckily for him, the Prophet broke the tense silence by laughing in that caught-off-guard tone of it.

“While you were rather… crude about it, what you’ve said does make a lot more sense then Joey being so bad at sex that he turned me away from men altogether, even if it is funny to assume that he was.”

“A-aye… and I can't believe dat you wrahte an entire foehckin sahng abooeht it! 'ow ded you naht get fired fahr dat?!”

“Good question, I wish I could remember the answer…”

[Maybe you had blackmail on Drew?] The Boris typed out and handed to Sammy.

“Yeah, maybe because you used to be so close to him, you saw skeletons that Joey would want to keep in the closet” His lost-one friend added.

“Like HIMSELF!” A voice from the back added, making the others in the room burst into laughter.

With the tension in the room gone, the group just went back to talking about either journeys they took to become comfortable with themselves, or the various past relationships that they had, or wished they had or in some peoples’ cases, all three.

Malice continued to watch them bitterly. It was as if they had either forgotten what the outside world was like to people like them or they simply didn’t care, and she wasn’t thinking about the ink that made up their bodies. Part of her envied how freely they had talked about themselves and each other, part of her felt like she had been smacked across the face, and a third part of her felt lonely. All of them seemed so happy telling their stories and building each other up, and here she was hiding away with her own story that she had wished to bury.

However, there was no iron clad law stating that she couldn’t tell them her own story. In fact, maybe if she came out of her own cage, made Sammy understand that big part of why voicing Alice was so important to her, made sure that it understood that as the very first explicitly female character she voiced, that Alice Angel was more than a beloved character to her, that she was a part of her, the biggest symbol of her own femininity, then maybe it would recognize the error of its ways. Maybe it would see how devastating it would be to be shunted aside without notice in favor of someone newer, prettier, ‘more feminine’...

She shut off the camera and thought it over, and she made up her mind. While she still didn’t want to share her story with everyone, Sammy needed to know it. Whether the Prophet liked it or not, she was going to pay it a visit.

[phoenix-angel-suyari]

I just want to take a minute to say how happy I am for all of you who have found your significant others. To have that tried and tested and true. 

Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, it’s trials and such. But, it’s starting to feel really hopeless. I’m single and it feels like I’ll always be single. I made peace with never finding my one(s) a long time ago, but I don’t want to be alone, you know? There’s just....SO MUCH. I feel like I need to have some sort of answer exchange with someone before I engage too deeply. And yeah, it’s probably a lot to do with fear and my trauma responses and my trust issues. My therapist is well aware of these, btw. But still, like, dating sites are good ways to weed through like that and yet...

13 years of cishet based dating sites have never gotten me anywhere. Even when I paid the dues. But, I have never even been able to LAUNCH on queer sites. There have always been so many (necessary) mandates that I just get fucking discouraged right out the gate. I don’t want to have to provide all this extremely personal, definitely identity compromising information just to be able to maybe get a few queer people to look at me. And it’s kinda super unfair just in general. 

I’ve discussed with my therapist how I’ve never brought home a same sex or transgender partner to meet my family, because I don’t think it’ll be fair to subject them to my family. But, because therapy will fuck up everything you ever thought about literally everything in your entire life - and that’s the POINT, mind - recently I’ve been thinking that that’s unfair. Because it assumes things. It assumes firstly that anyone would be interested, that they’d be willing to undergo that. It also assumes that I’m not WORTH someone taking on that sort of challenge. And honestly, I will probably never really heal past that completely - but, we’re working on it. But, it’s monumentally unfair to count someone out and disregard their feelings (theoretical though they may be) like that. 

I have wanted to feel loved and worthy and cherished for so damn long, that I’m not entirely certain anymore if this desperate loneliness for partners comes from somewhere that would be in any way fair or honest or fucking HEALTHY to someone else. I know it’s not someone else’s responsibility to save, fix or heal me. That’s entirely on ME. But, a little support - physical, emotional, mental - would be fucking overwhelmingly appreciated. 

I don’t know. I’m just really frustrated. And even then...Like, I specifically stated in my bio on the queer sites that I am NOT interested in unicorn hunters or being anyone’s unicorn and like, that’s all the interest I’ve received. With shit like “We respect your stance but we just want you to know we think you’re really cool” and other shit that totally disregards what I have actually said in black and white and put rather bluntly on PURPOSE. Like I’ll somehow CHANGE MY MIND. Which just...

I am so fucking tired you guys. I’m just so damn tired of all of it. 

[cat-sapphics]

Hey!

I follow the" aroace lesbian" tag and your recent posts have come up in my feed so I just wanted to say that being arospec, acespec (demiromatic graysexual, both labels in the aromantic and asexual spectrums) & lesbian is completely OKAY and you should not let anyone tell you the contrary. Especially uneducated people so 😚🤍

Many aroaces use the term aroace to encompass being in both aromantic and asexual spectrums; this means you experience little to no romantic/sexual attraction and that's more than valid. You can be both arospec and aspec! 🔥 Or arospec and asexual. Aromantic and acespec 🥺🤝

The way YOU experience romantic and sexual attraction is just different to the average allo person, & that doesn't make it any less valid. Attraction is an abstract concept and we shouldn't be putting ourselves into boxes but letting feelings be that, feelings.

Your experiences are necessary and important to our diverse & big aro/ace communities as an aroace lesbian! An aspec person is that who experiences little to no romantic attraction. That's it. THAT'S OKAY 🥰

And being an aspec lesbian is more than valid too, it's not a contradictory term because the little and fluctuating romantic & sexual attraction you DO experience, is ONLY towards women/nb so; I don't see why lesbian isn't a term you can't use. A lesbian is a women/nb female aligned person who experiences romantic, sexual and/or emotional attraction towards women/nb female aligned people. Check, check & check ✅

All in all, ace lesbians, aro lesbians and aroace lesbians are ALL part of the lesbian community & our unique experiences with romance and sex are necessary and valid for it 💓

Sorry if this got long, hope I made my point clear. Aroace lesbians have always been lesbians so don't let any exclusionists steal your peace 🧡🤍💖

thank you!! thank ya thank ya thank ya!! i really appreciate it <3

i will say, i think some of the anons i got did make some valid points (obviously not everywhere you look but they at least gave me something to think about in general) but it really took me by surprise how condescending and disapproving they all were. super uneducated too, i said i experience attraction differently or at least less frequently than average allo people and like ?? that doesn't mean i'm secretly a self-hating lesbophobe ?? you don't get to determine that for me if i'm genuinely happy even though i participate in lesbian discourse and am passionate about keeping the definition specific and closed ?? lol i didn't redefine lesbian or take away its initial meaning so it really had me peeved

i think most of their comments reflect on how they don't believe in aromanticism and asexuality being a spectrum, which i guess i invited by my own doing since i have some conservative and exclusionary views on the lgbt community and that affects my following/audience, but my response to that is that i use these labels because they bring me personal comfort. when i say i'm demiromantic i don't mean that alloromantics have zero standards when it comes to a potential partner or are completely mesmerized by the idea of hook-ups, just that the connection they need to start crushing comes within a decent time period with a personal connection, but not a super strong and deep and loving one that makes it exceptionally hard to fall in love despite however much we may desire to. the label doesn't exist to imply something bad about """normal""" people, it exists to name an experience many people have but to an intense degree. so, yes, it's a pointless social construct, it probably means nothing to you and that's fine, but it still means something to me. i'm not crying oppression or marginalization, and i'm not claiming that i'm lgbt on the basis of being demiromantic/greyasexual, but through being a nonbinary lesbian. that's the difference between mspec lesbians and aspec lesbians, is one is actively harmful to multiple groups and actually Does spawn from a place of internalized lesbophobia and/or biphobia, and the other is just "mmk this is just for me and affects nothing at all, it doesn't drag you into anything at all, i still qualify for lesbian the way you (should!) see it as technically even if you do believe it's redundant, so just... leave me alone" cause it reflects more on them than me when they make it their business by unfairly assuming things about me

same applies to me being greyasexual. still trying to figure out if it means that i experience sexual/physical attraction less frequently, less intensely, or both, but does that matter?? genuinely?? this is also redundant but i didn’t wanna leave it out of the paragraph about me being demiro fk;ljslkgbdvhbs. the aro disapproval part isn’t acceptable at all but i can at least see it since romance is so normalized and is a core part of, y’know, lgb relationships; the greyace disapproval however....... i don’t wanna label it as acephobia because i don’t really believe in aphobia being a thing, but it still kinda rubs me wrong to claim that sexual/physical attraction is a requirement ykyk... NOTHING WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEX OF COURSE (i myself kinda wanna try someday if that works out) i just think frowning upon someone who doesn’t UNLESS they try to claim they’re lgbt on that basis is.................. not really cool. i really hope people who read this understand what i’m trying to say and don’t label me as an ace inclus who thinks aphobia and oppression are real, i was just trying to make a point about my personal experiences oops lmao

and then it became "aroace means NO ATTRACTION AT ALL" okay... so i'm angled aroace, that's a sub-term since aroace is literally an umbrella term, actually (unlike lesbian, shit's complicated ykyk). "YOU'RE NOT AROACE THEN"....... they don't even like the idea of oriented aroace now either, so like, what then, are aroace people just never allowed to feel love or positive feelings from other people ever? jesus christ. i'm not even getting into this, i consider aro/ace identities to be secondary to describe one's attraction so this debate should not be as important as, say, discourse centering the L, G, B, or T. it's just dumb all around tbh

hope i addressed all the arguments against it, but i can't really care at this point if i missed something :/ i'll probably get a mean anon about it so don't worry!! /s jslgjgjkshkj;lhfp

speaking of, i've had to delete so many anons and even turn off the option to ask anonymously because of this discourse. it's so pointless in my opinion, so i've just stopped giving them my time unless i think it's worth answering - but even then, i try to keep it fairly short. i genuinely was not expecting my take on (cishet) ace discourse to turn into myself failing to be seen as a "real lesbian" despite literally meeting its definitive qualifications and then it just kept building up ?? stan behavior tbh, especially since plenty of them obviously come from the same users

i apologize for the rant. i just never really felt like i'd be listened to if i tried to explain my identity, so i gave up and just tried to ignore my way out of it. so i really genuinely appreciate your ask, especially since i can identify you. it really feels like i actually have someone on my side now, so even if you ever disagree i'd know you wouldn't harass me about it. it really means a lot, i really needed this from you and i don't wanna dump more shit but i feel that you deserve to know. so thank you again <3

[noeyeye]

Job hunting update : No make up! No hair down! Male bathroom and male pronounce!

[In pic : Tried all these shirt and trousers today with no make up and hair tied back to look less "Feminine" as what the CEO wants me to do if I start this job. So I did all practice even speaking (manly) in front of mirror. Felt shit yeah]

So it finally happened but unexpectedly with new job came up after all nice interviews in past weeks with many companies but never got called back but finally found an interview that will answer the result after interview sessions.

Which always took 45 mins to 2-3 hours per time with each company, I don't know why this is so extra for me than other candidates. I blamed it to my gender identity where (cishet) companies always gave attention and feel excited to see a "crossing gender human being" that's why it's always new for me especially when you're an ordinary trans in career like normal cis.

I did twice teaching performance and interview for their staff (I applied for a teacher again in my life) then the principal or CEO just decided to give me an interview personally. Now it made sense to me that why all other female candidates just finished off in an hour and go home while I waited from 9 am to 2 pm to finish.

Here to make it short, yes the first team really like me teaching in English but I assumed they cannot decide themselves to / if they should give me a big pass and hire me because of my gender (my first guess) and BINGO its true because the CEO spoke out about it later for second interview personal with other senior. Here's what they said.

" Your teaching is great and energetic and easy to understand BUT"

F*** what about but? (I swore in my head)

Principal continued "You know we have organization culture and as you saw in the news about our school"

(I knew, that homophobia lessons that people talked and criticized over the internet)

"We hope you know that's not true as we don't have anything to discriminate you and we're open more for now " she tried to make it sounded like less judgemental.

"The old cultures if our school is strict and traditional.... BUT you know I really want you to work with us because you're very talented and interesting, we just need you to follow our organization culture like...

I wanted you to dress as a man, saying "Krub" (male pronounce that actually always been spoken after every sentence to make it sound politely like sir and maam but in Thai these kinds of word have gender but depends on the gender of a person who speaks) instead of "Ka" for female speaker.

Now I tried to sell out but strongly show them about my perspective about being a transgender or LGBTIQ, I said "I'm sure some students like me or my gender will need a teacher who understands them and instead of bash them with bad words and turn them into a classroom clown just because they're different, so I sure will do my role to support the community and help them to feel comfortable with who they are. And support them, if you hire me, I'll help this part out for your school to be a better place for everyone and genders"

They seemed not interested or not even give any F. So they give me conditions, told me it I could do it for school, then nothing to worry, I can start my job this Monday as an examination teacher who brief all knowledge in English before students will get ready for official exam for high school kids.

But here what I have to follow :

1. Dress as a man (according to my original birth sex) with options (1) White shirt and black trousers with black leather shoes and ugly enormous school tie - or- (2) Sport / warm up suit / I chose warm up, it's equally Unisex, so not that bad.

2. Tie my hair back (easy I can do it, expecting my hight ponytail betch!)

3. No make up (screaming)

4. Saying Krub (the big part of torturing)

5. Avoid come out of my true identity like when a student asks me I have to tell something else but not "I am a transgender"

5 are enough, I made it professionally and confidently until interview ends (as I always did in many before) "Behave appropriately" they mean.

I cried walking out the room, straight to my car, while walking pass a security and had to lied him I cried because I was happy I got a job, the fact is I was crying because I felt very shit and unfair and unaccepted. Not easy to be a human, more xxxx2 on if you are living in society like this. It's true that this world isn't fair. I seek for better life bit sometimes life isn't easy like that so.. Haha

I told them I need time to think about the conditions (you guys have to understand that here is really hard to get a job after pandemic and since I'm homosexual and out-showed on my appearance, many rejection. So when I have a job comes to me like this I have to be careful and not miss a chance to make money to survive to pay my rent, hormones other things.

I asked if I can start a job at 16th because it's the middle of the month because I might open for other choice next week, if no ones call me I guess I have to take this school job to survive and have money for my rental and expenses.

Let see what will happen.

I did try to dress up with shirt today and tied my hair back with no make up on that pic. I'm super anxious if I look like a man or a freak :/