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aellynera · 4 years ago

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An Off Day (Nathan Bateman x Reader)

AN OFF DAY

(okay, look. my husband thought he was being funny and said “give me a character and i’ll give you a scenario” and then i snorted laughing and then...well. this happened. set sometime before the events of the movie.)

((shoutout to @anetteaneta for an important bit of info and @tinygaydemonbby for the random chat and another key bit.))

Word Count: 2100(ish)

Summary: It’s your day off and you’re just trying to enjoy it. Nathan is working and he’s trying to enjoy it. It doesn’t at all go the way you imagined.

Warnings: Cursing. Banter. Robot sex (not graphic). Personal injury. Innuendo. Propositions. Nudity. Complete and utterly ridiculous trash. Possible typos. Nathan Bateman.

The absolute magnificence of the Alaskan landscape was something that, quite frankly, you were never going to get used to. The trees, tall and majestic, towering over the lush green grass. The river, crisp and pristine, bubbling its way to the immense waterfall that cascaded down the cliff face and eventually made its way into the ever-vast ocean. The bald eagles that would soar from treetop to treetop, even the occasional moose that would make itself known at the edges of the compound and then disappear like ghosts into the forest beyond.

It was otherworldly.

The occasional twig snapped and leaf crunched under your boots as you hiked along your usual trail along the north side of the property. Today’s air felt cool on your cheeks despite the sun overhead; at least it was summer - technically, even if the temperature wasn’t getting much above 60 degrees Fahrenheit these past few weeks - so you had twenty hours of daylight instead of the twenty hours of darkness in winter.

You found your favorite spot on a nearby rock and perched on the smooth surface, tilting your face up to that glorious, shining orb. This really was what you needed right now.

*ding!*

...And that was really what you didn’t need. Definitely not right now, and probably not later either. Speaking of otherworldly.

Your boss was a difficult man, and you had a strange rapport with him that was irritating on a daily professional basis, and to your dismay, increasingly so on a personal level. To be fair, you were the only two humans out here. To also be fair, your boss was kind of annoyingly hot.

You sighed and reached into your pocket, pulling out your phone and glancing at the screen.

God: Where the fuck are you?

God? What the… You were annoyed by the text, but more annoyed by the name. When the hell did that bastard changed his name in your phone? He was insufferable on the best of days, but this was a new low. A new high? You weren’t really sure. Sighing, you shot a text back.

You: It’s my day off.

God: You know that’s not really a thing here right?

You: It is when I need a break from you.

God: I’ll make it up to you.

You: Unless you’re asking me to dinner, I don’t want to hear it.

You groaned. You really didn’t mean to say that.

The little ellipses that showed he was typing back flashed across the screen several times, then stopped. Then popped back up, and stopped again. And just because your boss was your boss, it did it four more times, but still no response.

You shoved your phone back in your jacket pocket and returned your attention to the river, breathing deeply and watching the water swirl around a pile of rocks on the opposite bank.

*ding!*

Dammit.

God: I need you to come back like right now.

You: I’m not gonna sit around and be your Eliza Doolittle today, Nathan.

You weren’t just saying that. Last week, the man had dragged you, literally, into the lab by your elbow and had you repeat vowel sounds and random words extremely phonetically while holding a pulsing orb of glowing blue goo. He claimed it was some kind of brain training. You’d said it wasn’t part of your job description, but honestly, it probably was. You were there to assist, you were there to manage, you were there to occasionally have a satisfyingly intelligent and non-arrogant conversation, and you were mostly there to make sure Nathan Bateman didn’t blow anything up or burn anything down.

That didn’t necessarily mean you liked any of it. Okay, fine, you kind of liked the assisting part and definitely the intelligent conversation part. But it was your day off, and all you wanted to do was not be in the house.

God: What? No, it’s...I just need your help with something.

You: Nathan. It. Is. My. Day. Off. No assistance today. Bother me tomorrow.

God: ...Please?

That gave you pause. Since when did he actually ask for anything politely?

You: Fine. I’m halfway up summit trail, give me like 20.

God: Make it 10.

You: Asshole.

God: And bring a bag of frozen peas.

What the actual hell.

You blinked at the screen twice, turned your phone off completely, and started back towards the house.

*****

You didn’t know why you paid the slightest bit of attention to Nathan’s request, but once in the house, you found yourself in the kitchen, pulling a bag of frosty legumes out of the freezer. With it in hand, you made your way to the lab.

Nathan hadn’t told you where he was, but you knew where to find him. He was always in the lab.

“Okay, I’m back,” you called out as you pushed through the door to Nathan’s inner sanctum. “Now what is so damn important that…”

“Oh thank fuck,” Nathan’s voice called out. “Do you have the stuff?”

You glanced around suspiciously. You couldn’t see him. Until you came around the side of the long table in the middle of the room and found him. Your eyes widened at the sight of Nathan, curled up on the floor in a fetal position, sweating and vaguely shaking.

And totally naked.

He glanced up as he saw your shoes approached and weakly raised his arm and made a grabby hand. “Gimme.”

Tossing the frozen vegetables to him, your mouth opened and closed several times, trying to process the scene. Before you could really take it all in, you watched as Nathan reached over his shoulder, grabbed his discarded t-shirt, and wrapping the icy bag in the shirt, placed it directly on his crotch.

“All right,” you finally got out, “what the actual hell is going on?!”

“Ohhhhh,” Nathan moaned as the cold compress made contact with his skin. “I thought I was gonna die.”

“Why are you naked?” you yelled at him.

“There was a malfunction,” he replied, nonchalant as if you were simply discussing the weather.

You just gaped at him. This was definitely not in your job description.

“A malfunction,” you repeated.

Nathan made a feeble gesture at the table. It was covered in metal parts and wires, screwdrivers and other things you assumed were robotic but couldn’t recognize. He had been working a new body build for the past few days, that much you knew. But now there were metal bits everywhere and Nathan was bare as the day he was born, sprawled in the middle of the floor. Your eyes scanned the table again; the biggest object, in the middle of the mess, looked sort of like...oh, you did not like where this was going. You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“I may have miscalculated the required tension,” Nathan said, still curled up on the floor.

The required...oh hell no.

“Nathan...you know you’re the literally the smartest person I know, and you know I think you’re brilliantly creative and inventive and all that important stuff, but please, please tell me you were not actually doing what I think you were doing,” you muttered.

“I was working!”

“You know I can just check the security footage, right?” you stared him down.

Nathan looked at you over the top of his glasses. “I had to test it and make sure it worked.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Why does a robot have to have working...parts?!” As soon as you asked, you wished you hadn’t. This idiot genius actually had the nerve to blush. Slightly. He would never admit it, but his ears definitely got pinker than they’d been a few seconds ago.

Nathan sat up suddenly and glared at you, adjusting the ice pack again - thank the heavens - to keep himself covered. “First of all, it’s not a robot, it’s an AI. There’s a big difference. And second of all, we talked about this. The point is to make it as human as possible, so this particular part was necessary.”

The glare you shot back at him could have melted his current loincloth. It was your day off and Nathan couldn’t even leave you be for one whole day without his compulsion to cater to whatever whim was in his head and get under your skin. You dropped into one of the lab chairs.

“So...let me get this straight,” you sighed. God help you. But not the God in your cell phone, because he could go fuck himself. Or get fucked. Whichever.

Suddenly, through your haze of utter exasperation, what you’d just thought clicked into place and you snorted a laugh. Your eyes flashed over to the thing in the middle of the table. It was definitely shaped like a pelvis.

Nathan’s eyes became daggers. “What’s so fuckin’ funny?”

Your eyes went to the thing on the table and to his hands, and then back again. You shook your head, cleared your throat, and tried not to laugh again. It didn’t work. “Sorry. Um. So...what you’re saying is...you got injured because you were...fucking a robot pelvis.”

“I should fire you,” Nathan grumbled.

“And you got injured - from fucking a disembodied robot pelvis -”

“I am so going to fire you.”

“...because it was too...tight?”

“I shouldn’t have asked for your help. I should have just let myself die here, naked and unsatisfied.” He flopped back down.

You couldn’t help yourself any longer. Your laughter rang through the lab, a mixture of actual amusement and horrified reality. You snorted again and that made you laugh harder. Nathan had always joked about making a sex robot. Well, you thought he had been joking, but now, clearly not - and he’d hurt himself in the actual process of trying to make sure it worked. You weren’t a monster, you hoped he wasn’t truly actually injured, but you also took a little satisfaction in knowing karma existed.

After a few minutes, you wiped your eyes and looked down at him. Nathan stared back, but you could see the start of a sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I told you I miscalculated the tension. It was fine--”

“Until it wasn’t?” you wheezed.

“--until it cut off all the circulation to my dick.”

You bit your lip. “Nathan Bateman. You literally cockblocked yourself.”

He didn’t respond right away. But then he spoke, at the same moment you noticed the smirk on his face fully bloom and what you’d come to call his “up to some bullshit” look glimmer in his eyes.

“Are you gonna come help me or not?”

“Excuse me?” You were fairly certain your eyebrows could not go any farther up your forehead.

“Well, I’m not in excruciating, unimaginable pain now, and I’d like to make sure my dick isn’t going to fall off. And I didn’t finish. Need a little help here.”

“You want me to--” you stuttered.

“Un-cockblock me,” his wolfish smile broke out fully now.

You hurled a pen at his head. “You really are an asshole.”

“I admit,” he continued, easily dodging your projectile, “this wasn’t what I was expecting for the first time you saw me naked, but I’ll work with what I got.” He started to remove the ice pack.

Another pen went flying his way. “You know, I’m just going to pretend that you’re not about to flash me with your mechanically impaired penis, and that you didn’t just proposition me, and I’m leaving this room now,” you said, standing up and shaking your head.

“Baby, you’re just gonna leave me hanging here?” he grinned, stretching back out on the floor. He folded his hands behind his head. The t-shirt wrapped bag of frozen peas remained - now perched rather proudly, you noted - on his groin.

A vexed growl left your lips as you walked towards the lab door. “Leaving now!”

“Well could you at least toss me my pants?”

You glanced down. Nathan’s sweatpants were balled up behind the lab door. How they’d gotten all the way over here...nope. Nope. You decided that information was entirely unnecessary.

You threw his pants at him and they hit him in the face with a satisfying whump.

“You sure I can’t convince you to help me out here?” Nathan asked serenely from under the fabric.

He couldn’t see the small smile on your face as you walked out the door. Thank god. Or...God. Whatever. The man was a menace.

“Ask me to dinner,” you called over your shoulder.

“I’ll text you,” he called back.

God.

~end~

taglist: @anetteaneta @autumnleaves1991-blog @damerondjarin @deeandbobbymcgee @rosemarysbaby13 @iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall @itspdameronthings @poedjarin @spider-starry @tinygaydemonbby @writefightandflightclub @woakiees @veuliee2 @yourbucky084

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#nathan bateman #nathan bateman x reader #fanfic #oscar isaac characters #my writing

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cat-in-a-fedora · 5 years ago

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Reunion Falls

I think I found something for the reunion falls au of Gravity Falls on the original creator’s blog. The reblog and like functionalities weren’t working for some reason, and I couldn’t find it in the creator’s archive. I really like this, though, so I’m gonna put it here and give credit.

This was originally on @sailorleo, and I couldn’t reblog it for some reason.

`-i dunno, he’s like, really weirdly clingy, but when we’re together all he wants to do is talk about his band…

-dump him.

-dipper that’s the same advice you’ve given me for every boyfriend i’ve ever had

-then why don’t you ask mabel?

-fine, maybe i will. mabel, what do you-

-no actually i think dipper’s right you should dump him

-teen soos playing with baby dipper and getting all excited when he says his name

-it would work better if stan actually knew mabel was coming beforehand, but just couldn’t work up the nerve to tell dipper until the last minute. by some fluke, mabel arrives a day early, and makes contact with dipper while stan is out.

-stan tells dipper that at the time of his birth his parents weren’t expecting twins, and couldn’t afford to take care of two children at once. he only told the kid they were dead because he thought it might be easier to handle than the idea that his parents didn’t want him.

–

-what are you still doing up?

-’m makin’ a sweater for grenda. she’s bigger than me, so it’s taking longer. you had a nightmare?

-no big deal, it was just an anxiety dream.

-a what?

-it’s like a nightmare, but instead of being scary it just makes all your deepest insecurities a reality. grunkle stan says they’re the brain’s way of reminding you that life could always be worse.

-…that sounds dumb.

-yeah, well, life isn’t fair, mabel.

–

-that corduroy girl out sick today or somethin’?

-what? um, no! i was just, uh… i tripped. on a rock. a lot of rocks.

-oh c'mon, kid, you think i never got the snot kicked outta me in elementary school? i know a fist to the face when i see it. c'mere, let’s fix you up.

–

-what can i do, though? they’re all bigger than me, and if i tell the teacher i’ll just look like even more of a wimp.

-ha! if you don’t wanna look like a wimp, you should stop letting other people fight your battles for ya.

-but i can’t-

-now hold on. i know you can’t, you’ve got about as many muscles as a soggy piece of toast. but one thing i know about the world is that guys who were born bigger, stronger, and smarter are always gonna punch down. and guys like you an’ me are stuck right at the bottom like old gum. so if your wits can’t save ya, all there is to do is punch back up.

-….do you mean that metaphorically, or….

-i was wondering when i’d have to dig these old things up again! …see, kid, all I’m trying to say is, when the world fights, you gotta learn to fight back.

–

-oh, shit. we’re not getting anywhere like this.

-*gasp* dipper!!

-what??

-you just said the ’s’ word!

-so? we’re practically teenagers, mabel. we can swear.

-i have friends back home who won’t even say ‘crap’! you must be getting it from somewhere

-i don’t know what you-

-[wendy enters] AYYYYYY DICKWEEDS WHAT’S FUCKIN HAPPENING

–

-ugh, sorry about all that, man. i don’t know why robbie’s always such an asshole to you.

-you don’t think he’s like…..jealous of me, do you?

-HA! ohhhhh my god. oh my god you’re probably right.

-what, does he think I’m gonna like, steal you away? like he’s INTIMIDATED by me? …that feels kinda good, actually.

-oh man, can you imagine? dipper pines, casanova extraordinaire! refined older women such as myself just….COLLAPSING at your feet!

–

-grunkle stan, um…. where are my parents?

-uhh……….. they died.

-oh…. how did they die?

-they………………died.

–

-you know when you’re wearing just the vest without a sweater you kinda look like……. someone. it’ll come to me

–

-mabel, what did you do to the journal????

-what? you told me to pretend it was my diary!

-i said to PRETEND it was your diary, not actually use it as a diary!! you didn’t mess with the stuff inside, did you?

[cut to: a shot of the interior of the journal, filled with stickers and cute little drawings and tiny diary entries about boys and the like]

-…….nnnnnnnope.

–

-if you’re going to be a monster hunter, you’ve got to have a look.

-hey, i’ve already got THAT covered

-no, i mean a look that tells people you mean business. like what i’ve got!

-what’s more businesslike than a leopard wearing sunglasses?

-i can think of a few things. what about like, a jacket? or…. a jacket? something besides a big fluffy sweater.

-listen dip, we’ve only known each other for a few days so i’ll let you off the hook this time. but first rule of mabel? the sweater STAYS.

-ugh, fine, but you’re gonna overheat. hey, what about this? it’s big enough to wear over a sweater. and it’s got pockets!

-but does it have PERSONALITY?

-you can decorate it or whatever i don’t care.

–

-mabel, have you seen my gel?

-nope. why do you gel your hair, anyway?

-i don’t want my bangs to cover my birthmark.

-can’t you just cut them off?

-it’s part of the look.

-ohhh, the 'look’.

–

-soooooo dipper had a crush on you, huh?

-haha, yuuuuuup. he thought he was being super smooth about it too. 100% convinced i had no idea. oh shit, dude, you wanna see this valentines card he made me when he was like, seven?

-you KNOW i do!

-boom! check it. all the blackmail you’ll ever need on one piece of construction paper.

-oh my gosshhhhhhhhh…..wait, "love, ty"?

-oh yeah, ol’ dipstick used to go by 'tyrone’ before he was dipper. just between you and me, dipper suits him better. tyrone is too cool for him.

-why’d he switch?

-dunno, really. he used to hate his birthmark, people would make fun of him for it, yknow? and then one day he just started being super cool with it. he like, reinvented his entire image around the thing. you should’ve seen him before that though, always brushing his bangs down over his forehead… well, at least he puts some effort into his appearance now.

–

-FUCK!

-KID!

-oh no.

-where’d you learn language like that?

-i… uh….

–…..wasn’t from me, was it?

-n-no! it was from…. nobody! i mean, you hear stuff around, and-

-WAHAHA! this is great! now i don’t have to keep my mouth shut around ya! and it isn’t even my fault!

–

-mabel, take out the trash

-booooooo!

-…aren’t you going to do what he said?

-sure, just as soon as i finish kicking dipper’s butt!

-i will dance on your grave, mabel.

-but…he’s your uncle. you should listen to him before he gets mad, right?

-pff, what’s ol’ stan gonna do, throw his dentures at me? (don’t tempt me, kid) half the fun of being a kid is not doing what adults tell you to do! consequences be darned.

-…paz, really, stan loves us. he’s not gonna like, hit me or anything. yikes.

–

-dipper, seriously, what the heck happened between you and gideon!

-i told you, nothing! he’s just a creep.

-oh, is THAT why he won’t stop talking about you? even on our dates! it’s WEIRD. ….you two aren’t like, exes or-

-ew, no!

-haHA! you dated gideon! gideon and dip-per sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-

-we were FRIENDS, okay?? …sort of. i dunno. it was a long time ago.

-heyoooo my drama senses are tingling! now you HAVE to tell me! deets deets deets!

-uuugggghhhhhh fine

-dipper and gideon have been rivals since childhood, but back then it was on somewhat friendlier terms. they would get each other in trouble, start fights over nothing, ruin each other’s stuff, but they would always walk away with smiles on their faces, like an unspoken pact to annoy the shit out of each other forever. but things started to change after gideon found journal 2. dipper didn’t see him around with the other kids as often. his tactics got nastier. he started “winning” more often. things came to a head after stan started teaching dipper to box. one day when dipper and wendy were hanging out together, they ran into gideon, who took the opportunity to tease them mercilessly. when he started going after wendy, dipper socked him, hard, in the nose. “i dunno. i was really mad, but i think i also just wanted to prove i was strong. wendy was always protecting me, so i wanted to protect her back.” after that point, gideon declared them mortal enemies.

-stan and wendy were definitely elated at the fact that dipper punched gideon. stan probably tried to bake him a cake.

–

DOUBLE DIPPER

“BAM! look out party, this girl’s on a mission! and that mission is to find a summer getaway friend group. woah, huddling crowd of teenagers! that’s perfect!”

-paz is talking with everyone listening when mabel interrupts her. “heyo! guess who’s here, it’s mabel, and that’s me.” “…..that’s great, sweetheart.”

-mabel is really excited to make new friends at the party, but most everyone starts hanging around pacifica. mabel tries to make friends with pacifica but paz rejects her, saying “listen, youre new so i’ll fill you in. it might seem like people like you and are interested in you because youre 'quirky’ or whatever, but you’re just a cheap novelty. around here? i’m the one who matters. nobody ignores pacifica northwest. adoring fans?” paz snaps her fingers and the crowd begins to shove mabel out of the circle until she finally falls on the empty dance floor. defeated, mabel shuffles off to the only people not part of the crowd (candy and grenda) “you too, huh?” “don’t worry. when we burn, we burn together.” paz then steps up to the mic and points at them, shouting “hey everyone, check out this adorable new attraction! it’s the reject corner!”

“aww, we don’t need this. the true merit of a partymaster is knowing how to take the party with you. this calls for an impromptu sleepover!”

-mabel offers to cheer up her new friends by ditching the party and having a sleepover instead, candy remarks that they were planning a post-party sleepover together anyway, grenda says how she stole a raunchy romance novel from her mom- wolfman bare-chest. grenda shows off that the book has a full-color illustration of gerard, candy remarks how she wants one of her own, mabel remembers that they have an old copy machine downstairs.

-“i don’t understand. i’m having fun, but i still feel this burning desire to go back downstairs and make her suffer for her crimes. crimes against friendship and partying.�� “hey, i know what’ll curb that thirst for vengeance! theft! look what i stole from my mom’s bedside table!” “grenda, you wild girl! this is perfect!” “and it comes with a full-color illustration! his pecs are holographic!” *all three girls scream* “aah!! he is so rugged and brooding, i want to take him home with me and make him my trophy husband!” “ooh, i think we have an old copy machine downstairs! that way we can all keep the poster! come on girls, let’s go make our dreams a reality!”

-the girls end up bringing gerard to life because fuck the laws of reality, he emerges and says “which of you fair maidens brought me into this realm?” candy points to mabel. “girls, i think the party is back on!”

-“hey, fursuit, i don’t know if anyone told you, but this isn’t a costume party. although that would explain YOUR outfit, mabel”, gerard gets angry and tries to defend her by attacking pacifica. pacifica gets a small scratch on her arm and shrieks “are those REAL claws?!” mabel and candy struggle with gerard and finally subdue him (after he loses an arm to the punch bowl) by stuffing him into a closet. “you can come out after you learn to stop being such a butt!!” candy makes some remark about “at least we didn’t make any more!” cut to grenda either using the copy machine or already surrounded by wolf men.

-after the gerard squad starts running wild at the party, mabel gets an idea. “grenda, they’ve already like, werewolf-bonded to you, right? so if you’re in danger, they’ll come and save you!” “..i know what i have to do. hey northwest, be mean to me!” “ok, ok, just… give me a minute. ….hey circus freak, you’ve got arms like a gorilla and a voice like a wrestler, so it’s no wonder that the only boys interested in you are a bunch of wolves!” “…..pacifica, that was really mean.” “YOU TOLD ME TO!!!”

-maybe have pacifica get on the mic again so all the wolves hear her insult

-“grenda I’m sorry you have the body of an amazonian goddess and a voice like ten angels singing one direction!!” “yeah, maybe if one direction were all chain smokers.”

-the girls use this plan to lure the wolfpack into the kitchen, where there’s a sprinkler system connected to the fire alarm. the plan is that once all of the wolves are present, mabel will signal for candy to pull the alarm. however, once mabel gives the signal, it’s revealed that candy has been captured. “i’m sorry, mabel…. their pecs were just so shiny!” “i’m sorry i dragged you into this, pacifica.” “yeah, i’m sorry you dragged me into this, too.” maybe have them cowering on top of the fridge. but just when it looks like all hope is lost, the sprinklers come on anyway. it’s revealed that the first gerard was the one who pulled it, sacrificing himself to save mabel’s life.

-“you will always be in my heart, mabel pines. and i hope…..that i will be in yours…..”

-“well, pacifica, maybe now that we’ve worked together as a team, we can come away from this knowing that our fighting was petty and pointless, having gained a mutual respect.” “are you SERIOUS? all this proves is that you’re a freak, and your friends are freaks, and even though I’m gonna make sure to stay as far away from your little circle of lost causes as possible, the next time we meet? you’re going DOWN, and I’m gonna make sure EVERYONE is watching.” “……welp! i didn’t gain anything from that! maybe next time.”

-“i’m sorry that all this happened, girls. if you don’t wanna hang out with me after this, i get it.” “are you kidding? that was incredible!” “i feel like my heart is on fire! but in a good way!”

-in the aftermath, the girls (sans pacifica) burn the book. as they watch the illustration of gerard smolder, mabel solemnly says “this ends once and for all.” “….my mom’s gonna want that book back.” “once. and. for all.”

IRRATIONAL TREASURE

-pacifica overhears what the twins are trying to do and tails them, then ends up getting captured along with them

-LET ME OUT OF HERE! I AM A NORTHWEST!

-i thought we just established that doesn’t count for anything anymore.

-pacifica yells at mabel for doing something as stupid as leaving a trail of candy wrappers, dipper interrupts to ask her why she always feels the need to shut people down like that. pacifica tells him that its her duty as a woman of status to let everyone know what their place is. “orrrrrr you just feel so threatened by the idea that you’re not as well-liked as you think you are that you need to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.” “WHAT was that?” “threatened?”

-mabel gets her nerve back and yells at pacifica that why would she ever want to be liked by a stuck-up shallow primadonna like her, and throws a hunk of peanut brittle at her, freeing trembly.

-after returning to town, the twins see pacifica being berated by her parents for disappearing and getting her clothes dirty. mabel feels sorry for her and goes over to explain that oh, it was actually my fault, i was trying to uncover dirt on the northwest family and pacifica stepped up to intervene, and we got into a fight. also we totally didnt find anything to shame the northwests so you can thank pacifica for that too. the northwests then threaten to sue the pines family for hurting their daughter, but paz holds them back, saying something about how it isnt worth it to waste time on poor people like mabel.

-this is the start of mabel and pacifica’s budding friendship, and pacifica’s redemption arc

SUMMERWEEN

-hey, little man!

-oh, hey wendy! ….and robbie.

-so….. chilling in the bushes without a costume on? what’s that about?

-nah, i’d say he’s got a pretty solid 'loser’ costume lined up already.

-i’m just hanging out with mabel and her friends, i guess. this big legendary monster thing says its gonna eat us unless we collect 500 pieces of candy but y'know. no worries.

-sick, dude. and you didn’t even have to go out and find this thing yourself? your sis must be like, a monster magnet.

-yeah, she…really is.

-well, i’d help you with the mission if i could, but i’ve got this whole 'aloof teenager’ thing to keep up, yknow? no trick-or-treating for these old bones. but I’ve got a few extra sweets in my purse if you need some more handouts! we can go find mabel, and-

-NO! i-i mean… no, don’t find her, its ok, i got it, give it to me.

-woah, chill out, you little freak! you’re not HIDING from her, are you? …is everything ok? and don’t say it is, because nobody sweats that much when everything’s ok. not even you.

-……i dunno, it’s like, i don’t mind having her around, but we’re always together and she wants us to do all these “twin” things now and I’m just not sure I’m ready for it yet.

-yeah, i getcha. its gotta be a lot to take in. hey, if you need somewhere to decompress after this whole candy deathmatch thing is over, tambry’s throwing a party at her house in a few. text me when you’re free?

-just try not to dork up the place if you show.

-robbie, if you don’t lay off I’m gonna punch you in the dick.

-i just….. twins are supposed to have this special bond, y'know? like a mind meld or something. and i just feel like i’ve missed so much. things could've….should’ve been different. and i came here because i wanted to make things the way they were supposed to be. i thought like, maybe if we were together we could pretend that its the way things always were and everything was ok. but i cant. its not.

-yeah, i… i’m sorry, mabel. everything just happened so fast, and i couldn’t handle it, and i avoided thinking about it, and….i ended up avoiding you, too. i’ve been kind of a crummy brother so far, huh?

-no, no, i get it…. i’m weird, and this is weird, and you’re one of those weird people who likes to be by yourself. and i understand if you don’t want to be siblings. but… can we at least be friends?

-i don’t see why we can’t be both.

TOURIST TRAPPED

-hey, mabel, i was wondering, uh…… how did our parents die?

-woah, what? they’re not dead! are they?? you’re freaking me out, dipper!

-'sup, hambone?

-oh, hey….. soos, right?

-you got it, lil’ dude! so, what’s eating you? besides the mosquitos anyway. nice, good one soos.

-soos, have you ever tried to do something that you thought would make everyone really happy, but instead it just blows up in your face and everything is awful and it’s all your fault?

-story of my life, dude. probably not on this scale though. just a minor everyday occurrence.

-they probably hate me, don’t they?

-what? no way! i just met you a few hours ago and i can already tell you’re like the least hateable dude I’ve ever met. you’re like if they found a way to combine a smiling puppy with an anime fairy princess.

-but i ruined everything!! that’s what they’ll call me in the history books. mabel, queen of ruining everything. everyone was fine until i got here.

-it’s not your fault, dude. mr. pines had to tell dipper at some point. and dude, if it makes you feel any better, i am PSYCHED to have you here. i was telling customers about it all day!

-thanks, soos, but…. i should probably just go home. maybe if I’m gone dipper and stan can just forget this ever happened and go back to normal.

-you kidding, dog? nothing’s ever normal around here. i know this is like, a huge bombshell, but dipper and stan love each other. they’ll work it out. …hey, my brain just came up with a totally neato idea! why don’t we pitch a tent and have a sleepover out here under the stars? we could swap stories, eat raw marshmallows, and if you still want to go home tomorrow morning you can.

-….only if you’ll try to throw the marshmallows into my mouth with your eyes closed.

-deal.

-hey, mom. yeah i got here ok! it’s great, the woods around here are so cool and mysterious! oh, and i met this really cute guy but he turned out to be a bunch of gnomes under a hoodie. i know!! wild, right!

-h-hey mabel….can i….talk to them?

-…oh, mom, dipper wants to talk to you. is that ok?

-….hi, mo- ..mrs pines. it’s dipper.

-“oh, you must be the friend mabel was talking about! she was so excited to meet you! i hope you two are having fun!”

-yeah, it's…. it’s good to have her here.

-“are you all right, dear? you’re sniffling.”

-yeah, i’ve just got a cold. it’s ok.

THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE MABEL

-mabel sees a commercial for the tent of telepathy on tv and gets excited, pulling dipper over to see the famous “psychic”. dipper is annoyed at best and just groans, expositing that he and gideon have been rivals since they were little. he says he’s been trying to catch gideon in the act of something, ANYTHING, for as long as he can remember, and now with the help of mabel’s journal he’s devised a new theory: that gideon might actually be a vampire! he’s always coated in lotion, has stark white hair, speaks like an old southern man, and it might also explain his psychic powers. but dipper isn’t allowed in the tent of telepathy anymore, and he hasn’t been able to get close to gideon in his personal life. mabel offers to go investigate in dipper’s place, but he warns her that it’s not worth it and gideon is a “creep”, offhandedly mentioning that mabel probably doesn’t have the investigative skills necessary to crack the case on her own. determined to prove herself, mabel goes anyway, in “disguise” as a journalist so she can ask gideon questions when the show is over. during the questioning gideon becomes enamored with her, and when mabel asks if he’s a vampire he flirts around the issue, suggesting that he is simply to win mabel over. it works, and she agrees to go on a date with him.

-mabel takes notes on gideon’s mannerisms in the journal while on dates

-over time, gideon begins to reveal his true colors, and mabel realizes that dating a supposed vampire doesn’t really make up for gideon’s behavior.

-actually i changed my mind about the vampire plot, probably dipper just tries to keep mabel away from gideon because of their checkered past together

BOYZ CRAZY

“….can i confess something?”

“yeah, of course.”

“I’ve never like….. LIKED anyone. I’ve dated plenty of guys, and even a couple girls, but i don’t think i felt what i was supposed to be feeling for any of them. i thought that eventually if i went out with enough people, i would start to like at least one of them, but…. i dunno. I’m starting to think that i’ll never fall in love. maybe i CANT fall in love.”

“well… that’s not the end of the world! love kinda. sucks. especially when someone doesn’t like you back.”

“ugh, that’s what I’ve been doing to all these people! for years! i suck. i keep trying to be like everyone else, but i just end up pushing people away. I’ve lost so many friends…”

“hey, it’s not your fault. robbie’s a turd, you know that.”

“yeah, i guess you’re right… i dunno, you ever feel like there’s something, like, fundamentally wrong with you? like something fucked up in the womb and now you can’t ever be a normal person?”

[dipper pulls up his shirt slightly, looking at his binder]

“yeah. i do”

DREAMSCAPERERS

bill: I WAS WONDERING WHEN I’D RUN INTO YOU! QUESTION MARK, SHOOTING STAR…. AND DIPPER OF COURSE!

mabel: whoa, hey, how come soos and i get special names, but not dipper? that’s not fair!

dipper: uh, mabel, that’s not really-

bill: THAT IS HIS SPECIAL NAME, KID! ALWAYS HAS BEEN. HE JUST ADOPTED IT A LITTLE EARLY IS ALL.

dipper: wait, what?. you…you were the one in my dreams? all this time, it was YOU?

-new scene-

dipper: it’s just… the name was a big part of my like, identity, yknow? i thought it was so cool and special and for the first time in my life i was starting to feel NOT like a freak. i thought i was being cool but i was just doing exactly what bill wanted! [pulls his jacket over his head] aaaargh, what have i been doing all this time?!

mabel: di- …..bro, listen to me. your whole like, supreme tough guy monster hunter thing? it’s PRETTY silly. but that’s what i like about it! it’s all you, and you own it! and nobody chose to make you like that but you! and you didnt choose the name dipper because bill told you to, right? that was still all you. so, i don’t know. even if the guy who made it up turned out to be kiiiiiiind of a major jerk i dont think that means all of that is ruined forever. and if you stop going by dipper i’m going to have to start going by shooting star as revenge. star for short!

dipper: ….i think i like you as mabel better.

mabel: aww no, i was already getting used to it! star sounds like the name of a princess, doesnt it? or a galactic warrior!

-BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR GEL-COVERED LITTLE HEAD, KID! I WON’T BE BOTHERING YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN. YOU’VE PROVEN YOURSELF TO BE EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING AND USELESS. CONGRATS.

SCARY-OKE

-in this case obviously dipper wouldn’t want the agents around, since stan has taught him better than that.

-dipper decides that he’s finally ready to talk to his birth parents over the phone, but when he does they insist that they never had twins and mabel has always been an only child, and he realizes they don’t know who he is. everything he knows is once again called into question.

-mabel tries to get the agents’ help in figuring out the mystery behind dipper’s birth and proving that the two of them are siblings

-maybe dipper raises the dead as a way to threaten stan? like, oh you’re so afraid of the supernatural, what if i do this

-or mabel tries to lure the agents back to the shack by creating a supernatural disaster, like oh, say, zombies

-stan finally admits, with zombies breaking down the door, that he got mixed up with the supernatural and made some very bad decisions, although he isn’t specific about what happened. he relinquishes that he kept the truth from dipper all these years not for his sake, but because he couldn’t bear to admit that he was responsible for separating dipper from the family he should’ve grown up with.

THE GOLF WAR

-mabel and pacifica run into each other at the mini golf course, and after watching mabel sink the winning shot pacifica realizes she has feelings for her. furious with herself for developing a crush on somebody like mabel, pacifica challenges her to a rematch and vows to destroy her.

-dipper and stan are worried about pacifica’s behavior, but mabel assures them that she probably just wants a little one-on-one game and had to disguise it as a fight to the death since her parents were with her.

-pacifica gets to the golf course early to get some extra practice in, discovers the lilliputtians, and decides to use them to win against mabel, convinced that if she proves to herself that she’s better then her crush will go away.

-mabel becomes concerned with pacifica’s attitude and worried that she’s gone back to her old ways, bribing somebody to help her cheat. eventually she’s captured and tied up, and pacifica has to save her.

-in the aftermath, pacifica can’t stomach apologizing, so mabel does it for her. “hold on, dip. i think i know what’s going on here.” “what? no. you definitely don’t. whatever you’re about to say about me is completely and totally wrong.” “so i just want to let you know, pacifica…. it’s ok. i understand.” “understand what there’s nothing to understand” “yes there is! and i’ve felt that way before, too. even about you sometimes.” “wh…..huh? you have?” “yeah! all that pressure to compete really gets to you sometimes. but just because i beat you at something it doesn’t mean that you’re any less cool than you were before., ok? so i don’t want you to feel like you have to prove that!” “oh. yeah. yeah, that. yeah.” [awkward pause] “soooo…. you don’t hate me?” “of course not!” “ok good. that’s like, good to know. i don’t hate you either.”

-theyre playing truth or dare and mabel dares dipper to hold candy’s hand for the rest of the night

-mabifica bullshit: 'let me see those beautiful eyes’, holding hands post-confession in nmm, arguing about whether or not to run off into the woods together at night

THE LOVE GOD

-during a conversation with wendy, dipper casually mentions that he’d like a girlfriend. mabel overhears and decides to try and pair him up with someone. she enlists the help of candy and grenda for this secret mission, but notices that candy seems uncomfortable with it. eventually she admits that she’s had a crush on dipper for a while, and mabel is ecstatic. she conspires to set them up on a date at the woodstick festival. candy makes mabel promise not to tell dipper, but of course she can’t keep her mouth shut and blurts it out while the two are having breakfast at the diner. mabel expects dipper to leap at the chance, but instead he just feels awkward. he tells mabel that although he likes candy and thinks she’s great, he’s never thought of her like that. mabel urges him to give her a chance, but dipper argues that it will end badly. he spots candy nearby, freaks out, and runs for cover. it’s at this point that mabel meets the love god.

NORTHWEST MANSION MYSTERY

-“….and grenda can take a hit pretty well so she’d be the best choice for a distraction while i spray 'em with the anointed water from behind, but we might need pacifica to-”

“actually, dip, i was gonna ask if i could handle this one on my own.”

“what? why? we don’t know how powerful this ghost is!”

“because i, the wonderful mabel pines, am going to confess my love for pacifica tonight!”

“you only realized you liked her two days ago!”

“exactly! no time to waste when romance is afoot!”

“you don’t even know if pacifica LIKES girls!”

“well i don’t know if she likes BOYS either. she always seemed kinda indifferent to-

"even if she does, what if she doesn’t like you back? and you know what her parents are like, they probably wouldn’t want her dating another girl anyway…”

“why do you always have to shoot me down like this”

“…..i’m sorry, mabel… i just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

-“we did it!” “haha, yes!!”

-(internally) “this is the perfect moment, mabel, just go for it!”

-“umm, pacifica? now that we just beat this big scary ghostman together, there’s something i wanted to-”

-“YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS, FOOLISH CHILD”

-“….on second thought, I’m gonna go exorcise screamsville here first.”

-“that’s probably a good idea”

-{“WITCH! SERVANT OF EVIL!”}

-“i’m sorry. i didn’t want you to know this about me.”

-“ok, so, your family’s gotten mixed up in some bad stuff, that doesn’t mean-”

-“no, it does. you’ve always been so nice to me, and i never did anything to deserve it… hanging out with you, and dipper, and everyone, hanging around the shack….i started to realize that this isn’t normal. my parents aren't……normal. and now I’m just so scared that no matter what i do, i’ll end up just like them.”

-“….pacifica. i know you. your outsides may be crusted over with gold coins and expensive body lotion and hairspray, but your insides are made of bubbles and kitten kisses and rainbow dolphins high-fiving each other. your parents are a couple of stinky poo-heads inside and out and you’re not anything like them.”

[pacifica, crying, kisses her]

-“oh no. this was a mistake. I’m leaving.”

-“pacifICA WAIT”

-“what would you say if i said i was in love with you?”

-“i’d say you only wanted me for my money”

-“oh pacifica, your heart is gold enough to last me a lifetime!”

-“shhhhhpsshh stop!!”

-[mabel kisses her on the cheek]

-“no but really stop i don’t want my parents to see”

-“ohhh yeah sorry”

THE LAST MABELCORN

-things start out much like they do in canon, but when mabel meets the unicorn and it tells her that she’s not pure of heart she jumps to the conclusion that bill has “tainted” her in some way by taking over her body. the abuse metaphors here are obvious. she sadly returns home and begs ford to help her in some way, and he takes her down to his study. meanwhile, dipper sets back out with the girls in mabel’s place.

-“…..but it wasn’t me….” “what?” “i…..i have to go.” “mabel, wait!”

have it so like, she’s not necessarily visibly distraught when she talks to ford, or even to her friends, but more determined to “fix” herself, hiding the worry that she’s a bad person beneath her insistence that it must be bill’s fault.

“GRUNKLE FORD! bill gunked up my soul and i need you to fix it so i can be pure of heart again!” “…mabel…” “please please please PLEEEAASE!”

-“no offense, but you break the law daily, you two have kind of a…. mutual violent streak, and you……” “don’t say anything.” “and if being involved with bill really did disqualify mabel, then I’ve been doomed for years.” “you’re also not a 'maiden.’” “good point.”

-“man, this is bullshit.” “i know. how are we gonna find someone more pure than mabel?” “no, i mean. the game’s rigged. nobody’s completely 'pure of heart’ or whatever, and how do you even measure that? that glitter-snorting poser doesn’t ever have to give up the goods because she’s asking for something that doesn’t exist.” “…so how do we get the hair?” “well, i say if princess unattainabelle back there doesn’t wanna play fair, we shouldn’t have to either. alright, kids, who’s ready to add a few more bad deeds to the naughty list?” “YEAH!”

-meanwhile, mabel’s mind begins to be encoded. “i can’t undo what’s already been done, mabel. but i can make it a lot harder for bill to hurt you again.”

-mabel’s thoughts: “do you a favor” “have craz and xyler ever kissed?” “adopt every kitten in the world” “PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA”

-mabel ends up putting the helmet on ford because she starts to have intrusive thoughts worrying that he could be possessed by bill, and she decides that proving herself wrong would put them to rest. “ugh, shut UP, brain! this is why we don’t talk anymore.”

-when mabel reads his thoughts, she freaks out and, unlike dipper, actually succeeds in hitting ford with the memory gun. he’s knocked to the ground and she approaches him cautiously as he rises back to his feet. when he explains that he’s not bill and the gun didn’t work anyway, mabel starts crying and hugs him. “its ok, mabel. you did the right thing. when dealing with an enemy like bill, you can’t fully trust anyone, not even the people closest to you. …maybe if i’d known that when i was younger, we wouldn’t be in this mess now.”

-“….i’m a bad person.” “oh come on, you don’t still believe that unicorn, do you? i thought dipper told you she was full of it.” “no, i… did something really bad today. i thought bill did something to gunk up my heart but it was really just me all along.” “wow, what did you do?” “nn. you’d hate me if i told you.” “mabel, you could kill a dog in front of me and i wouldn’t hate you. and if you don’t tell me i’ll just assume the worst.” “i AM the worst.” “ohhhh my god. …..ok, let’s say that bill did break your soul for all eternity or whatever. so what? you’re still my girlfriend. and in case you haven’t noticed, i’m pretty messed up too.”

ROADSIDE ATTRACTION

-“aww, come on! think about it…. just us girls, alone under the stars…” “eww, fine! i’ll come if you stop being gross”

-“i can’t believe my own sister got a girlfriend before me!”

-“romance ain’t a contest, kid.”

-“…yeah, you’re probably r-”

-“just kidding its definitely a contest. one you’re losing.”

-“he was… flirting with me! i think he actually likes me back!”

-“AAAAAAAAA!!” “get it, girl!” “candy wins!” “i wouldn’t get your hopes up, chiu. he’s probably just being a tool.”

-“pacifica, how could you?” “why must you deny true love?” “hey, dipper’s my friend and i think he’s great, but he sucks. I’m just being realistic.”

-“oh, no. i think i just agreed to take candy out on a date.”

-“….aaaaand do you LIKE her?”

-“well, yeah…………….as a fr-”

-“UGGGGGHHHHHH I KNEW IT. listen, 'dopper’, you got yourself into this mess, and its not up to me to help get you out. you deserve it for toying with a woman’s feelings, anyway.”

“candy…. saved my life. even after i broke her heart. she’s so cool…………………………………oh, SHIT.”

-“it’s ok, dipper. if dating pacifica has taught me anything, its that the way to a woman’s heart is through emotional angst and near-death experiences. and we get those every day!”

-“you deserve this and i have no sympathy for you.”

–

DIPPER AND MABEL VS THE FUTURE

same basic setup, with mabel hitting up all her friends for party plans, but the focus is on having to return home without all the friends she’s made rather than anxiety about growing up (although that’s still a factor). in addition to discovering candy and grenda won’t be around, she also finds that pacifica’s parents are becoming suspicious of her frequent outings so she’s trying to lay low for a little while, so she won’t be able to hang out for the last week of summer.

ford invites dip along for the alien hunt, and doesn’t exactly offer dipper the chance to be his apprentice, but is impressed with his adventuring skills and the fact that dipper has been training in the art of mystery solving for years. au dipper is quite a bit braver than canon dipper after all, and quicker to spring into action right after ford. theres still a bit of hesitation involved, and when ford praises him for his courage, he laughs and remarks that mabel would’ve jumped right away without any thought. ford then confides in dipper that although mabel uses her heart before her head, he can still see how scared she is inside and thinks it would be best for mabel to return home and cease connection with gravity falls, because he’s seen first-hand how much bill has hurt her already and he doesn’t want it to get any worse. he also tells dipper that he can tell mabel’s heart isn’t in any kind of study or quest for knowledge like he is, she’s just a kid having fun, and he can tell that its mostly because she wants to impress dipper and it might be better for her to focus her energy on her own interests, which can’t happen if she stays in gravity falls. dipper reluctantly agrees, saying that he’s always sort of worried about the same thing. of course, this is the part that mabel hears over the walkie-talkie.

for all that mabel and ford’s relationship is better, he still sees her as a child while he sees dipper as more of an equal. he warns dipper that letting mabel become dependent on him, or he on her, is a bad idea, because one day they’re going to have to go their separate ways, and mabel might not be able to handle it (implying that she’ll do something drastic to keep him around, like stan did to him).

theres a scene midway through the episode of pacifica sulking on her bed, hugging a pillow to her face. her mother’s voice calls her for dinner from downstairs, and she groans and gets up. looking in the mirror, she realizes her mascara has run and she scoffs and rubs at her eyes. when she opens them up again, the mirror is full of eyes. “something wrong, blondie?” it cuts off there

after mabel runs away into the woods at the end of the episode, pacifica emerges from the bushes in her full incognito gear, saying she came to warn her about bill. that bill tried to make a deal with her but she refused everything he offered, and that he’s getting desperate and is going to try again with someone else, probably before the summer ends. she tells mabel that if neither of their families want them, they’ll run away, out of gravity falls, together. when mabel realizes she has the rift, she groans, annoyed that she has to go back home and return it. but pacifica insists that this actually makes the plan better, that if they leave gravity falls with the rift it can be kept safer… and that, maybe it would be better if pacifica held onto it, since bill is targeting mabel. mabel agrees and hands it over…. at which point pacifica takes a moment to admire it, and then smashes it to the ground. she laughs, takes off her sunglasses, and is revealed to have been possessed by bill. then the world ends.

WEIRDMAGEDDON 1

-after ford is captured, dipper runs into grenda, as in literally runs into her, while she’s attempting to chase a monster in process of carrying off candy. the two travel together for the next three days, finally deciding to explore the mall in search of mabel and the others. on the way there, though, the two are ambushed by bill’s lackeys. before the fight can begin, grenda tosses dipper out of harm’s way and shouts for him to go on without her while she holds off the monsters. dipper reluctantly escapes, leaving grenda to an ambiguous fate.

-during that time, candy finds pacifica huddled in a pile of rubble, and urges her to come help find the others, but she’s reluctant. “look, mabel’s not here anymore, alright?! she’s gone. bill got her. so you can stop pretending to like me.” “candy does not pretend. not when it comes to friendship.” “….if you just left me here, nobody would have to know.” “on your feet, northwest.”

“augh, my poor hair… it’s got like, twigs and shit in it.” “do you want me to cut it off?” “what? no. why would i do that.” “it’s a symbol! in stories, girls cut off their long hair when they are going on journeys and breaking free, leaving the past behind… it is cool and majestic and– pacifica, YOU should cut off MY hair!” “wait, seriously? …ok, whatever, fine, do your weird impulsive nerd thing. you got any like, scissors?” “let me see….. six, seven, eight pairs! i also have a knife.” “candy, what the fuck.”

-dipper finds wendy, pacifica, and candy all hiding together in the mall. dipper is surprised and relieved to find that candy is safe and she talks about how she bit the monster’s hand to get it to free her, proudly revealing that one of her teeth has turned completely red as a result. dipper admits what happened to grenda, and while pacifica and wendy look worried, candy remains adamant that she’s strong and will be all right. hesitantly, dipper asks if any of them have seen mabel. the room goes quiet, and pacifica confesses what happened, that bill came to her and threatened to possess and torture mabel again if she didn’t let him use her body. she thought that if she agreed, she’d become a ghost like mabel did and be able to use a puppet as a vessel in time to warn somebody. instead she simply blacked out, and when she came to she was just in time to see mabel being sealed in a bubble and taken away.

-at some point pacifica confesses to dipper that bill never threatened to hurt mabel. she made the deal willingly because he promised her that mabel would be able to stay in gravity falls if she let him borrow her body, and she was just so scared of losing her, and everyone.

-candy’s arm is broken in the car chase and ensuing wreck against gideon’s crew. in the aftermath, pacifica uses the remains of her jacket to make a sling.

ESCAPE FROM REALITY

mabeland is nearly the same as in canon, though maybe with some minor alterations to reflect the events of the summer. dippy fresh is replaced by a series of “dream dippers”, versions of dipper that mabel had imagined he might be like before actually meeting him. most are unrealistically cool, but one in particular is just someone who would be the ideal brother, always looking out for her and wanting to be with her. in the end of course, mabel has to look at all of this and decide that real dipper is the one she wants. (theres also a fake pacifica who shares all of mabel’s interests and is hopelessly in love with her, always flirting and offering romantic gestures, but without any of the sass and personality that make her who she is. pacifica ends up snapping her neck.)

mabel introduces the dream dippers one by one like they’re contestants on a game show, but one spot is left empty. dipper asks who it’s for, to which mabel nervously replies that it’s more convenient to have something extra just in case. later on, in the wilderness of mabeland, dipper overhears mabel talking to someone. “i don’t understand. everyone can finally be happy here. wendy can break all the rules she wants and never get in trouble, candy can be herself without people making fun of her, pacifica can get away from her parents, and dipper…. well maybe i can understand why HE wants to leave, since he apparently doesn’t want to deal with me….” suddenly, dipper hears his own voice reassuring her that everything will be alright, and he’ll stay by her side forever, that the summer never has to end. she says “do you really mean that?” to which he replies “of course. you know i’m the best brother ever.” the voice is revealed to be perfect, ideal brother dipper.

crushed by this, dipper retreats to the pond, where instead of being approached by wendy he’s approached by candy. she sits down and asks him what’s wrong, and he tells her how awful he feels that he couldn’t have done better for mabel. she assures him that he’s a wonderful person, and mabel’s being silly for not wanting someone like him as a brother. she then tells him that she was being silly for being mad at him, too, that she’s realized he was right all along, and she should’ve forgiven him earlier. “really? …'cause i was totally with you on the whole 'i was a jerk’ thing.” then candy ups the ante, going on to talk about how oh, he’s so much smarter and braver than her, and she was just upset because she thought she stood a chance with him, but she’s such a loser, she could never- dipper stops her there, worried. he continues to insist that it was his fault, he WAS being an asshole, and he should’ve apologized to her a long time ago, but he was nervous “because…. i DO like you, candy. like, like-like you.” he tells her to stop berating herself, that he likes her because she doesn’t let anybody change how weird she is and that she’s not acting like…. herself. it’s at that moment that he realizes what’s going on. as “candy” begins dissolving into bugs, a fist collides with her head and she explodes. its revealed to be grenda, who managed to find her way in because “the door was unlocked.”

when it comes to the trial, mabel’s memories are similarly flipped through, but instead of having a twin to be there in her time of need, she had nobody. she’s never had anybody like that until she met dipper.

TAKE BACK THE FALLS

-candy and grenda’s symbol is a disco ball. “…and this one could mean a person who can see the fun in any situation! or just a party animal.” “hey, that’s me!” “that’s me too!” “it’s both of us!! SYMBOL SISTERS!!!” [grenda lifts candy up onto her shoulders and they each take a hand, candy on her right side since her left arm is broken and grenda on the left]

-“we’re proud of you, daughter. saving the world will be perfect for salvaging our reputation! i still think those pines kids are a bit of a bad influence on you, though.”

-“oh YEAH? how’s THIS for a bad influence?!” [she pulls mabel into a passionate kiss] “news flash, dad! your perfect daughter’s a big fat gross lesbian! and when i grow up I’m gonna marry this riffraff right here, and change my name to pines too!! so DEAL WITH IT!!!”

stan still loses his memory as he did in canon, but dipper is the most visibly distraught and won’t stop begging him to remember. he tells him how even though they fought a lot over that summer, he loves him so much and he’d never ask for a better grunkle. he desperately tries to jog his memory with baby pictures, but they need to trigger more immediate memories first.

the solution for mabel to stay in gravity falls would be to fabricate a lie that dipper is ford’s grandson, ford being the twin that faked his own death to escape a life on the run, but they’ve just come back to reconnect with the family (since dipper lost his parents apparently), and mabel didn’t want to tell her parents at first because she was afraid they wouldn’t want her staying with an estranged family member/ex-con. but she’s made so many great friends and she loves this town and wants to stay with her “cousin”.

while the northwests go house hunting, mabel invites pacifica to stay at the shack until they can find a new home.

rather than leaving for a new adventure, ford and stan decide to stay at the shack and rest for a while, just settle into their new family dynamic. soos, melody, and abuelita all still move in, and so the house is renovated to make room for the huge family.

with the journals destroyed, the mystery squad now has to start from square one…. but dipper tells mabel that she doesn’t have to do anything to impress him anymore. that he’s ready to try just being a kid again.

#gravity falls #reunion falls #gravity falls au #interesting #i think tumblr might have actually glitched on me

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darke15 · 2 years ago

Text

Hello Rhymie 😌 @rhymingtree

I am genuinely scared.

Good 😈

Btw happy birthday, you sadist.

Thank you 🖤

Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.

Starting off strong. This is terrifying.

I chose the scariest one I could find 😌

Can I just say you're awesome at environments. I love how you describe not only where Ghost is, you perfectly visualized the stark shift between the dread in the desert and the dread in the bunker

Thank youuuuuuu

WHAAA WHY DID THE MACHINE ONLY KICK IN WHEN SHE WOKE UP WHAT THE FUCK WHY

Oh its to subdue her and keep her asleep so she wont try and bite anyones head off

😈😈😈

TWO YEARS JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK IS THIS WOMAN STILL ALIVE

Sheer stupidity and willpower

at this point i feel like i could just stop typing and leave you with ow and it'd be enough 🙃

You could, I’d understand

it would be so interesting to have someone read BS:U in chronological order, with the Flashbacks first, then TS&TS, etc etc... just to see how someone would feel with all the details laid out before it's all hidden behind unreliable narration

Ohhhhh interesting 😏

He's kinda good at pretending he cares, not gonna lie. I feel like he neglected to put Masters in Theatre and Performing Arts in his resume.

He should have been an actor 😂

How does Novak know how her parents died? Did Ollie tell him all of this? How did Ollie know?

She never changed her name or anything. Ollie did a lot of research into her when he met her and he was with them for a while, he def heard some whispers of her childhood and reported back to Novak.

I love how her way of deflecting Novak's questions is just basic Childishness. I love her. I'm scared for her.

For real tho

I wonder how giddy Ollie is, watching her get more battered and broken each day she gets thrown back in her cell.

Very

If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was that now you weren’t alone in a cell. You had Ollie to return to after your time with the Doctor.

I would not be so grateful if I were you

Shhhhhhh she doesn’t know that ho

“(F/N)!” Ollie screeched as two of the men grabbed him before they hauled him to his feet, “Let me go!”

Farewell ya sack of shit

😂😂😂

Lower? THERE'S LOWER THAN FIVE!?

😈😈😈

Day 199... I'm just surprised she's still counting them down…

I forgot to do the question mark one 😬

“Something very special. I made it just for you.”

mmm

it's your birthday present happy birthday he remembered yaaay

yayyyyyyyyy

OH MY GOD HERE HE IS

METAL ARM DUUUUDE

am i in pain or am i thrilled i have no idea

Same tho…dreaded relief

“Of course you do. I heard you. In the desert. Remember? After you killed my fiance?”

its pain it is definitely pain

yessssssssss

I’m a ghost. That’s what he called me. That’s what I named myself. Are you one too?

she sounds childlike. in a really sad way. i dont know how to fully describe it

She really does. I think that after mentally being broken down, plus being sleep deprived and in pain the brain just kinda needs a break

Yes. That is why we have a test subject.” He paused, looking over you once more before finally turning to you, “A volunteer.”

His name is OLIVER WALSH AND I FUCKIN HATE HIM

Noooooooooooooo not yet

Wait, the first one was only a prototype?? Damn, how many of those is he gonna put in her?

Many much… 😈

Your gazes met and for a second, you swore he shifted his weight toward you.

So.. his first instinct had always been to protect her, even from him?

His directive was to keep an eye on her and make sure no one laid a hand on her…his orders are just getting a bit more mushy the more he thaws…

“Дышать.” A low voice came from the corner of the room, bringing you back to your cell as you shivered. Your gaze snapped to the sound as the soldier stepped from the shadows. His voice was hoarse, almost as bad as yours and it cracked as he spoke. “What?” You wheezed, your brows furrowing as he took a step closer. “Дышать,” he said again, his voice muffled by the mask he wore. Breathe.

bitch im trying but its hard to fight back the tears

Sorry

That's not very helpful…Soldier Boy.

omg sparks were literally flying in this scene

Don’t do it

sparks... into her…

Rhymie. No.

get it

*sighs* yeah I…I got it

cause... of the electrocution

😐😐😐

i love that the gif in the note is just Christoph Waltz introducing you.

I didn’t even think about that. It’s true tho

Because you are literally the author of all my fucking pain. Happy birthday you tall piece of shit.

🖤🖤🖤

CHAPTER 80 // FLASHBACK : THE ONE TO SURVIVE

To all my live reactors,

Please, please, please, hide your reactions under a Read More cut. I don’t want any spoilers floating around.

To all my Anonymous Avengers,

If you want to react in my asks, feel free. However, I won’t be answering any of them until at least Wednesday if they contain spoilers.

Thank you,

Darke

┍━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┑

Your eyes narrowed at the man, your brows knitting together as you shook your head, “I don’t know what you want.”

“The formula!” He snapped suddenly, throwing his clipboard over his shoulder and stalking across the cell toward you.

“What formula?” You snarled back.

“The notebook,” he growled, “Red ink—”

“With the fuckin’ octopus?”

“It is not an octopus—”

“In Colombia?” You asked, “In that fuckin’ morgue of yours?”

“Lab.”

“Morgue!” You managed to yell, “You fuckin’ sociopath!”

“Psychopath.” He corrected you with a scowl, “You wouldn’t want to be caught anywhere near a sociopath, my dear.”

“You expect me to remember what happened how many months ago? You expect me to remember a chain of letters and numbers like they’re my phone number?”

The Doctor paused, “You do remember it.”

“No.” You shook your head, “Nobody would remember that.”

“You will,” he said, brushing a piece of hair from your face, “I’ll make you remember.”

┕━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┙

» CHAPTER 80 // FLASHBACK : THE ONE TO SURVIVE

✪ Bᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ Sᴄᴀʀʀᴇᴅ : Aғᴛᴇʀᴍᴀᴛʜ

♜♠ Tʜᴇ Sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ & Tʜᴇ Sᴘʏ

⧗ Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴅ Rᴏᴏᴍ

»Jᴏɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇ sɪᴅᴇTᴀɢʟɪsᴛ

TAGLIST BELOW

@thexbookxnerdx // @autumn-em // @fadingbakeryfarmoperator // @rhymingtree // @itsmeatballworld // @kippykasey // @turtleedovee // @kamalymaly // @onewithnomightypowers // @y-napotat // @riahmcq // @thequeenofthefallen // @jesuswasnotawhiteman // @fnnshelbys // @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul // @banbananas // @beans-and-toast // @violetvictoriabarnes // @oikawasblueearbud // @itsarussian // @mrsbarnesinmyimagination // @oopsiedoopsie23 // @luhuhzy // @heyimjustlaura12 // @moonlightreader649 // @petalren // @sighmurderbot // @soldat-petala // @useless-creature-213 // @xiyouchan // @kaiblog50 // @aftermatharchives

***if you have a strike through your handle, it wouldn’t let me tag you 😞

#reactions #chapter 80 // flashback : the one to survive #battle scarred aftermath

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survivorgalaxysedge · 4 years ago

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Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

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WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket.

youtube

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

youtube

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)

#toinfinityandsurvive

0 notes

jaded-envy · 7 years ago

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recipe for disaster

I'll do dishes if you do laundry. I'll clean the living room if you buy me a snack. I'll pretend you're not home when your father comes around if you let me copy your math homework. Maka and Soul are used to negotiating with each other when it comes to household chores. But when Soul ups the stakes for both of them, he may end up with more than he bargained for.

read it here: [ao3] [ff.net]

And here is the second fic to come out of July Camp Nanowrimo! Thank you to @redphlox and @silly-twin-stars, who are both amazing writers on top of being awesome betas - please take a look at their works! I would also highly recommend checking out @bbbutterfingers adorable Soul/Maka fanart, which really helped to set the tone of this fic and gave me life when I was stuck. I hope you enjoy!

Later, Soul would blame Black*Star. Surely it was his fault for what had come out of Soul's mouth, considering he had had to sit through lunch listening to Black*Star blabber on about his new relationship with Tsubaki.

Of course, that was certainly preferable to talking about his love life, which, despite his best efforts, was not treated like the taboo subject it should be. Soul was getting very sick of explaining over and over to Black*Star why he could not just go up to Maka tell her that he kinda-sorta-definitely was in love with her. That he must have sustained some brain damage from her flinging him around constantly because his mind kept skipping back to the way her eyes sparkled after a victory or how right her hands felt in his. That Soul had never read a romance novel in his life but he felt like he was in one with how much he mooned over the stupidest things she did, like insisting on arranging the books on their bookshelf by color and genre, or making up her own lyrics to songs she didn’t remember well.

But it was cool! He was cool. Everything was totally under wraps. Black*Star knew, of course, because he was scarily good at sniffing out blackmail material. Soul was pretty sure that his threats and reminders of what Maka would do to the both of them if Black*Star blabbed were keeping him mum. For now.

So yes, focusing more on Black*Star’s romance was a welcome change. But getting unwanted details about certain acts performed between his best bro and his sister-weapon definitely tossed his mind into a strange unwanted space, one that mostly involved thoughts of "did he really need to tell me about that" and "I wonder if Maka-"

"Soul, could you cook dinner tonight?" Maka called from the kitchen.

"I'll do it for a kiss," Soul replied automatically.

There was a pregnant pause in which Soul rewound the last couple of seconds and realized, at the same time as Maka, exactly what he just said.

"What?"

"What?" Soul echoed, voice cracking.

Maka popped her head into his room, face creased in confusion. "Did you just…bargain for a kiss?"

"I – what? Nooooo…" Play it cool now Soul, he told himself. She was in the kitchen and probably didn't hear you right.

Her eyes narrowed. "I definitely heard you say you'd cook dinner for a kiss."

Fuck. Okay, just play it off as a slip of a tongue- no no no don't think about that too hard, that is not the path you want to go down right now. It was a mistake, just tell her so.

"So what if I did?"

God dammit.

Maka edged her way into the room, eyebrows furrowed. "Why would you…a kiss? Really?"

Soul shrugged as nonchalantly as he could manage. "Why not? Don't tell me you're chicken."

That set her off, as he knew it would. She crossed her arms and huffed. "I am not chicken! That - that just seems like an awfully big price to pay just to not cook dinner!"

"What, kissing me is that much of a sacrifice?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, knowing you, you'll just heat up some instant noodles and call that good enough."

"I'll make the best damn dinner you've ever had," he snapped, ignoring the fluttering of his heart at her admission that kissing him wouldn’t be horrible.

"Fine!"

Her hand was warm in his as they shook on it.

Challenging glares turned into uncertain glances as they both realized exactly what they had agreed to.

"S-so…"

"Yeah…"

"I'm just, um, going to…yeah…"

"Okay, uh, sounds good."

"Oh, and Soul?"

"Hmm?"

Maka turned back to look at him. He could have sworn that there was the faintest hint of a smile on her face. "I'll expect dinner at seven tonight."

She was halfway down the hall by the time he was able to reply with a faint "okay".

Soul flopped backwards onto his bed, flinging an arm across his face. Setting aside her half of the bargain, which he really didn't think he could deal with right now, she was right - his cooking mostly consisted of takeout and microwavable food. Somehow, he'd have to come up with an amazing dinner within - he checked the time - the next six hours.

He was so screwed.

An hour later, Soul found himself having to make one of the most difficult phone calls of his life.

"Soul, my bro! What's going on! Did you take my advice about Maka yet?"

Soul groaned. "Black*Star, put Tsubaki on."

"No can do, compadre! She's out."

"Where did she go."

"I dunno! I think Maka called a while ago and she went to go hang out with her."

Just great. Did Maka do that on purpose?

He ran through his options. Liz and Patty grew up on the street. He didn't have time to sit through Kid's fussing over the asymmetry of the cooking ingredients. Blair thought a well-caught mouse with a side of pumpkin was the height of gourmet.

He really needed to get more friends.

"How do you make a soufflé?" Soul growled.

"What? Gotta speak louder dude, couldn't hear you!"

"I said, HOW DO YOU MAKE A SOUFFLÉ?”

"A soufflé? Why do you want to know that?"

Soul grumbled out something unintelligible.

"Ohhhhh I get it," Black*Star said slyly. "What did you bargain for this time? Must be something amazing if you're actually cooking a real dinner and asking Tsubaki for help."

"Something like that," he snapped. "Now are you going to help me or not?"

"Sure thing, bro-ta-to."

Soul drummed his fingers on his lap, waiting as Black*Star rustled around on the other end of the line, humming something painfully off-key.

"Well?"

"Hang on dude, Tsubaki's got like, seven cookbooks."

"This is your fault, you know," Soul grumbled.

"Me? What did I do?"

"You were talking about you and Tsubaki and all the gross things you've been doing together, which got me thinking about all the gross stuff you guys are doing, and then it just kind of slipped out…"

"What, did you ask Maka to kiss you or something?"

"I - what?" Soul forced a laugh. "Why would she - why would I - no!"

Black*Star cackled. "No shit dude, seriously? I was just teasing! My man." Soul could almost hear him wipe away a fake tear. "I'm so proud of you -"

"I'm hanging up now,” Soul gritted out.

"What was th - oh hey Tsubaki, welcome home!"

Tsubaki's voice drifted in faintly. "Black*Star, you won't believe - who are you talking to?"

"Black*Star, give me to Tsubaki."

"Hmm, I don't know Soul," Black*Star said, not even bothering to suppress the glee in his voice. "What'll you give me for it?"

"Black*Star."

"I hate to break it to you dude, but I'm in a committed relationship, so kissing is off the table-"

"BLACK*STAR."

"- but maybe if you gave me - Tsubaki, Tsubaki no, I wasn't finished -"

"Hello? Soul?"

"Tsubaki!" Soul nearly sobbed in relief. "Thank god you're home." In the background he could hear Black*Star wailing "you never let me have any fun!"

"Is this about your dinner date?"

"It – it's not a date Tsubaki," he muttered, thankful she couldn't see his flush over the phone. "Just a trade-off. We do it all the time, you know that."

"Mmhmm." She didn't sound convinced. "And this has nothing to do with your crush on Maka?"

"Who -" Of course. Who else? "He told you?"

"There are no secrets between weapons and meiiiisterrrrs," he heard Black*Star singsong.

"Well…he really didn't have to, but yes."

Soul ground the palm of his free hand into his eye. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yesterday, you nearly walked into a pole when Maka took off her jacket because it was too hot," Tsubaki said helpfully. "And last week, you choked in the middle of a sentence because she bent down to retie her shoelace."

"Don't forget the fact that you literally pushed me out of the way so that you could sit across from her on the bus the other day," Black*Star added, voice close to the speaker. She must have put Soul on speakerphone, that traitor. "And how you never shut up about her. Like, ever."

"Go away Black*Star," Soul said absently. A horrified thought struck him, one that made him grip the phone in panic. "Wait, does she know?"

Tsubaki hesitated. "Soul…you did just tell her you would make her dinner if she gave you a kiss. That's…not really platonic." A beat, and then, "Please stop smashing your head against the table. It can't be good for you."

"It was against the wall," Soul told her, voice muffled. He blew out a sigh. "Fuck. Fuck. I'm so dead."

"If it makes you feel better, she didn't exactly say no."

"She really hates making dinner," Soul said, massaging his forehead. "One time, I convinced her to wait in line with me for a new record for six hours if I made dinner for a week."

"Maybe she likes spending time with you, and having you make dinner is an excuse. I mean, don't you usually just heat something up in a microwave or buy pizza?"

"I -" Now that she mentioned it…. He had never examined their bargains that closely, too relieved to have an easy out. "Is that what she told you?" he asked instead, trying to quash the hopes rising in his chest.

"Anyway!" Tsubaki said brightly, completely unsubtle in her avoidance in answering him. "What was it you needed from me?"

She talked him out of making a soufflé, as well as risotto and lobster. (She outright laughed when he asked about beef wellington.) His inexperience with the broiler ruled out skirt steak; her reluctance to condone his use of the stovetop after he confessed that he almost lit himself on fire last time took lamb chops out of the equation. Orange chicken, lasagna, ribs…it seemed like every one of Maka's favorite foods was either too difficult, took too much time, or wasn't special enough for Soul's liking.

"How about chicken cordon bleu?" Tsubaki suggested, ten minutes later. "It's different, and it sounds fancy, but it's really easy and quick to make."

She read the recipe aloud to him from one of her cookbooks. It did seem achievable, even by someone at his level. "Tsubaki, you're a lifesaver," Soul said gratefully, scribbling the recipe down.

"Let us know how it turns out," Tsubaki replied, with what Soul was almost certain was a knowing smile.

"You owe us!" Black*Star cried out as he hung up.

By his third attempt at chicken cordon bleu, Soul was beginning to despair. The first chicken breast had slipped through his fingers and, after a few minutes debate over the cleanliness of the floor, it went into the trash. The second had flown across the room when he had tried to flatten the breasts. This time though, he had washed the chicken in the little metal thing with holes so it couldn't fall out, and had made sure to close the window firmly just in case it tried to get away from him again.

He hefted one of their skillets in his hand, staring at the pink meat in front of him. Third time's the charm, he thought with forced optimism.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang!

Soul froze as the front door slammed shut.

"Soul?" Maka came around the corner, concern written on her face. "What was that noi -"

Her eyes flickered between his face and his raised arm with the pan. Her gaze dropped to the innocuous looking meat in front of him.

"Soul," Maka said, very gently, laying a hand on his wrist. "I'm pretty sure the chicken is already dead."

"I - I know that!" he snapped, feeling himself flush. "I'm not - just - go away and let me cook!"

Maka snickered, but dropped her hand and backed away, turning down the hallway. "Best dinner I've ever eaaaaatennnnn," he heard her sing as she skipped off to her room. He resisted the impulse to smack himself with the pan as he heard the door click shut.

Things actually went fairly smoothly after that. Truth be told, he was feeling a little proud of himself as he slid the chicken breasts into the oven and set the timer. The green beans glistened in a bowl as they waited to be microwaved. Even the potatoes had become soft in record time, and easily broke apart at his poking.

"All right," Soul said aloud, rolling up his sleeves and cracking his fingers. Time to work out his problems on these poor, hapless potatoes.

He attacked the spuds with a single-minded ferocity, smashing them into white mash. Bits of potato flecked onto the stove, and the melted butter and milk sloshed dangerously close to the sides of the pot, but Soul was too absorbed in the sweet release of his heightened emotions to care. His anxiety over putting together the dinner, the stress Black*Star and Tsubaki incited with their call, the embarrassing, stupidly huge crush he had on his meister and the apparently inadequate efforts he'd taken to hide it - they all fueled his frenzied assault.

But gradually, Soul started to realize that it was getting more and more difficult to mash the potatoes instead of easier. He had to pull harder to get the potatoes to release the masher, and the mixture seemed to clump together instead of being a smooth, semi-solid dish.

Soul frowned down at the pot. Well…no matter. He just needed to add more butter or milk, right? That's what being a cook is about, he told himself, it's about adapting things to your taste. He took the ingredients from the fridge and poured in more liquid.

Okay. Now…now it was more like soup with occasional chunks of goopy potato floating around in it. In desperation, he churned the mixture harder, and was rewarded by a tsunami of liquid splashing onto his apron and shirt.

"Fuck!" he swore, then quickly covered his mouth, eyes darting to the hallway. Maka's door stayed shut, and after a few minutes of silence, he slowly let out his breath.

With a sinking feeling in his gut, he realized he was going to have to call in for back-up. He fumbled for the phone, every instinct on high alert for a telltale giggle or exasperated huff.

"Hello!"

"Tsubaki," he hissed. “Buddy, pal, only sane person in your household, you have to help me -"

"You've reached the household of Tsubaki and Black*Star," came Tsubaki's pre-recorded voice. "We're not able to answer the phone right now but -"

"If you want to leave an offering to the great Black*Star and his loyal follower -"

Soul hung up before the two minutes of maniacal laughter started. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuck," he whispered, pulling at his hair. He was so screwed, why did he ever agree to this, Maka was going to laugh in his face if she didn't die of food poisoning first, and if she did die, her gravestone would read "here lies Maka Albarn, greatest meister ever, who died due to her weapon's utterly hopeless crush on her and his total inability to master a basic life skill –“

No! he scolded himself, standing up from where he was crouched on the floor. No, that's not going to happen. You were given a chance, and god dammit, you're going to make the best damn dinner and then kiss her silly and then beg for her forgiveness before she Maka-chops you into the ground. And then maybe make out some more if you're lucky.

Buoyed with false confidence, Soul dialed the next number he could think of.

"Hello?"

"Hello?" Soul said cautiously, now too aware of the trickery of modern technology and answering machines.

"Hello?" Kid repeated. "Who is this?"

"Kid, hey man, this is Soul, and I'm uh…kind of in a bind…"

"What's wrong?" Kid demanded. "Where's Maka, is she okay? Liz! Patty -"

"No no no, it's not that kind of problem!" Soul hastened to add. "I just…need your help with something."

"Really?" Kid asked eagerly. Soul could practically hear the stars shining in Kid's eyes. "I'd be happy to assist! What is it?"

"Well…" Soul began. "Well, see, I'm um, cooking something…"

"Ahh. Don't worry Soul," Kid said solemnly. "You and Maka are welcome to stay at my place while your insurance figures out the fire damages."

"No, we don't need - hey!" Soul scowled. "I'm not that bad!"

"I kid, I kid," Kid said, chuckling. "What are you making?"

"Well they were supposed to be mashed potatoes," Soul said grumpily, glaring at the concoction. "But something went wrong, they're all…paste-y and tough, and now I don't know what to do. Also, uh, did I mention that it needs to be done in an hour and a half?"

Kid made a thoughtful noise. "Yes, that wouldn’t be a good start to your date. Hmm…okay, I think I might be able to help you. Could you hang on just a second?"

"It’s not a –" Soul began to say, then sighed. “Sure," he said instead, and proceeded to crumple against the kitchen island, pressing the cool marble to his forehead. How, he thought mournfully, how do I even get myself into these situations?

"Soul?" Maka's voice drifted in from the hallway, and Soul just about gave himself whiplash raising his head off the table. "I -"

"Don't come in here!" he barked, hiding the phone behind his back. He cast around wildly for the pot lid, and frantically tried to cram it on top of the pot. "It's - it's not six, I still have an hour!"

Maka's footsteps paused. "I know that," Maka said patiently. "I just wanted a cup of water."

"I'll bring you one!" he yelled back. "Just - just go back to your room!"

He waited until he heard her door close before he held the phone back up to his ear. "Please tell me that you have a solution for me, Kid," Soul said miserably.

"Well, I talked to Max -”

"Who is that?"

"Our personal chef."

"You have a personal chef and you didn't tell me?!"

"Ow. Please don't yell into the phone. Yes."

Soul closed his eyes and gave himself a minute to mourn an opportunity lost. "Okay," he said at last. "What did he have to say?"

"That you're basically going to have to start over. Sorry. But," Kid continued brightly, "I can walk you through the steps!"

Soul chewed on his lip. "How long would this take?"

"Thirty-five minutes, according to the recipe."

So, allowing for Kid's idiosyncrasies, which would probably be kept in check since he couldn't actually see how Soul’s ingredients and cooking equipment were arranged, more like an hour. Good thing Soul had bought five pounds of potatoes.

"I need to get Maka a glass of water," Soul said finally, "so just hang on a minute, all right?"

Maka looked up from her papers as he tentatively opened her door. Under her stare, he was suddenly acutely aware of the bits of potato in his hair and the patches of milk-butter liquid staining the apron and his sleeves. Any hint of mischief on her face was quickly replaced by concern, and Soul wasn't sure if he was relieved or upset at her expression. "Are you okay?" Maka asked cautiously. "I know you're determined to do this, but I really like this apartment and don't want it to burn down."

"Not you too!" Soul cried, exasperated, as he set the glass down on her desk with a hard clink. Maka scrambled to save her papers from the water slopping out of it. "I know I'm not a good cook, okay, I know I suck at it and I don't have the best track record with stoves, but it's not like I've…exploded a microwave or left the oven on overnight!"

"I mean, I did have to use the fire extinguisher on the mac and cheese you tried making," she pointed out. He threw her a hurt look, and she sighed. "I'm just teasing you, Soul. I know we're not in any actual danger."

The doubt must have shown through on his face, because she rolled her eyes, saying, "Seriously! It's fine. And you don't have to impress me."

"Want to though," he mumbled.

Maka blinked, and Soul felt his face grow hot. "A-anyway I have to get back to cooking," he said loudly, turning to leave before he could make a bigger fool of himself.

"Soul." Maka's fingers curled around his, and he paused, looking back at her. "Don't worry so much," she said, squeezing his hand. "I'm sure I'll like whatever you make for me." She gave him a brilliant, heart stopping smile.

"Hmrgh," he said intelligently.

Maka tilted her head, and the cascade of ash blonde hair over her shoulders did strange things to his stomach. "Huh?" she asked.

"Cook! I - I have - cook!" Soul stammered, before turning around stiffly and marching out the door.

Back in the kitchen, he scrabbled for the phone. "Kid, these have to be the best goddamn potatoes that have ever been created in the history of mankind," he blurted out.

"Oh, they will be," Kid assured him. "Now, take out eight small potatoes, and peel them - yes, exactly eight, it's very important to preserve the perfection of the dish…"

He really had pulled out all the stops, Maka had to admit. There was an actual tablecloth on top of the dining room table, and one of their neighbor's flowers floated in a cup. Her chicken breast, green beans and mashed potatoes steamed on top of one of the few non-chipped plates in the kitchen, her milk in an actual glass instead of a mug or plastic cup.

Soul fidgeted, stealing glances at her as she stopped to admire his efforts. He jumped up when she approached the table, and pulled out her chair for her, face flushed, eyes daring her to comment.

"Thank you," she said instead, smiling. His face deepened in color, and he gently scooted her in before taking his place opposite her.

Five minutes later, Maka found herself missing their squabbles over whether instant noodles counted as dinner, or if she had put too much salt into the spaghetti. At the very least, it would be more welcome than the nervous tapping that was coming from Soul, somehow in rhythm with the frantic beating of her heart.

"Well?"

Maka looked up from her mashed potatoes. Soul was studiously avoiding her gaze, staring at his glass of milk. "Does it taste okay?" he asked, trying and failing to keep his tone casual.

"Oh!" She took a bite of the chicken, chewed and swallowed. Then took another bite, and another - "This is…actually really good?"

"You don't have to sound so surprised," Soul huffed, but looked pleased. There was a smile lurking in the corner of his mouth as he chewed on his food. "This is good," he said, then shot her a sly look. "Best dinner you've ever eaten, huh?"

"I wouldn't go that far," she scoffed, then relented when his smile drooped a bit, "but it is very tasty. Thank you, Soul."

He hummed in response, and the remainder of the dinner passed in a more comfortable kind of quiet.

Maka's nerves came back when the last of the food had disappeared into her mouth and the plates were scraped clean of scraps. She busied herself with collecting the dishes and dumping them in the sink, trying to ignore the buzzing in her chest.

She heard the chair scrape behind her, and the soft padding of feet as Soul slipped next to her. She plunged her hands forcefully into the running water. This is normal, she reminded herself fiercely, we always do the clean up together after dinner, this isn't weird or unusual. But she couldn't help the trembling of her fingers when they brushed up against his as she handed him wet plates and silverware.

All too soon, she ran out of dishes to wash.

"So uh…"

"Well then…"

They looked at each other. "You first," she said.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Maka," he began to say, "you don't have to-"

"A deal is a deal," she said firmly. "You made dinner, so now…." She swallowed. "Now I owe you a k-kiss. I don't go back on my promises."

He didn't look very reassured, shifting from foot to foot and refusing to meet her eyes. Maka took a deep breath and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the living room.

They sat facing each other on the couch, knees touching, close enough that she could hear the unevenness of his breathing. She hoped her breath didn't smell too much like chicken. She hoped she didn't taste like garlic from the mashed potatoes. Why hadn't she had some gum or brushed her teeth before bringing him over here? What if he hated the kiss? What if he didn't actually like her and it was all just a joke to see how far she'd go to show him up?

But he shuddered as she placed her hand on his knees. His fingers tightened over hers and she could feel how he held her to keep himself from shaking. His gaze flickered over her face and there was trepidation in his eyes as he licked his lips - trepidation and something else. Desire. He wanted this, wanted her.

She closed her eyes.

His lips were soft, so soft and warm. She was suddenly aware of every part in contact with him: the boniness of his knees, the roughness of his hands, the heat of his leg through his jeans. She pressed into the kiss, wanting to feel more, and felt the tip of his nose against hers, the tickle of his eyelashes against her brow, his feathery hair brushing her forehead.

It was a lot more than just the peck she had intended to give him. She drew back. "W-well?" she asked, rather aggressively.

"That was…" Soul began, sounding a little dazed, before swallowing. He cleared his throat. "I think the dinner was worth more than just one kiss."

"What?!" Maka felt an angry flush working its way over her face. "That was - that wasn't the deal!"

"Yeah, w-well, I actually had to cook this instead of just ordering out, and I think I deserve another for that!"

"So?! I cook all the time -"

"Maka." Soul looked straight at her, gaze heavy and serious. "I had to get help from Black*Star. Black*Star."

She hesitated, but groaned. "Fine. One more."

This time he was the one to initiate the kiss. His mouth moved eagerly against hers, mapping out the contours of her lips, becoming progressively surer in his motions. She parted her lips, and he did the same, tongue tentatively pressing itself to hers. He tasted like warmth and a little of what they had eaten for dinner and just a hint of steel.

They broke apart, panting. His eyes were unfocused, the corners of his mouth curving upwards almost despite himself. All she could think of was how handsome he looked, in that moment - how much she had enjoyed feeling him against her, how much she wanted to kiss him again.

"That one didn't count!" she blurted.

Soul blinked, then squinted at her. "What do you mean it didn't count?"

"You-you…you kissed me! I was supposed to kiss you, that was the deal!"

"It's kind of a mutual thing Maka," he pointed out. "Besides, you were the one that said 'just one more'. You should want that to count!"

"Yes well, if I'm going to do it, it's going to be done right," Maka said primly, tossing her pigtails.

Soul rolled his eyes. "Tell that to the laundry. You know, you fold them so they don't get wrinkled, not so that they can get more wrinkles -"

"Stop talking and just -"

Their lips crashed together again as she pulled him to her, and any protests he had died as she took his bottom lip in hers. His hands combed through her pigtails - hers tangled in his mess of hair. He leaned forward, pushing her back onto the couch as he hovered over her. "Maka," he breathed, voice so full with wonder and affection that it sent shivers down her spine. "Maka," he murmured as he kissed her over, and over, and over. It felt - she felt - safe. Happy, like there were bubbles in her stomach that fizzed and burst with every touch of his lips to her own.

Slowly, the heat of the moment trickled away, and Soul shifted to wedge himself between her and the back of the couch, pulling her close. His hands stroked her sides, thumbs rubbing against her hips as he rested his chin on top of her head. She could feel the vibrations through her body as he hummed happily.

"So…I take it that this wasn't just a prank?" Maka asked, half shy, half teasing.

"No!" Soul said forcefully, drawing back from her. "Why - did you really think that?" There was an element of hurt laced into his tone.

She patted his arm. "Not seriously. You made it sort of clear, you know. That you liked me."

He groaned, hiding his burning face in his hands. "Was it that obvious?"

"Maybe a little," she replied. She kissed his fingers. "But that wasn't such a bad thing."

His fingers parted to reveal one crimson eye. "…Really?"

"Mmhmm. You made it clear that the feelings were mutual."

"...They are? Were?"

"You think I'd just make out with anyone?" she asked indignantly.

"I mean," he began, fiddling with the hem of her shirt and avoiding her eyes. "You really hate to lose -"

"I wanted to kiss you, Soul," Maka interrupted. She tilted his chin up, and gave him a soft, sincere smile. "I wanted you to kiss me. The dinner was just a really good excuse for that to happen."

He seemed to accept this, before glancing at her with sly glint in his eye. "Like it was when you agreed I'd make dinner if you waited with me for that Astrud Gilberto record?"

"W-who told you that?!" she spluttered.

Soul was unable to suppress the triumphant smirk growing on his face. "A little birdy told me -"

"Tsubaki," Maka growled.

"Maybe," Soul admitted. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. "Doesn't matter now though, does it?"

"I guess not," she conceded, snuggling into his embrace. "So…where's dessert?"

Soul squinted at her. "You didn't say anything about dessert. We specifically bargained for dinner."

Maka pouted. "But I want dessert now."

"Fine, fine," Soul said, rolling his eyes. But instead of getting up and grabbing the ice cream that she knew was in the freezer, he hesitated, eyes flickering to her mouth.

A quick, soft pressure against her lips, and then - "There," he said, curling closer to her. "Dessert."

There was a moment of silence as Maka struggled valiantly to suppress her laughter. "Oh my god," she said finally, choking on giggles. "That has to be the cheesiest -"

"Shut uppppp," he whined plaintively, burying his face into a pillow.

"- most uncool thing you've ever said."

"Whatever," he groused, grumpiness ruined by his own fits of laughter. "You make dessert, I officially give up."

"Hmmmm…" she said, pretending to think. “Five kisses.”

"Huh?" he said, lifting his face up from the pillow.

"My payment. Five kisses for dessert."

A smile bloomed over his face, one that sent her pulse thrumming.

"I like this new form of bargaining," he answered thoughtfully, before pulling her closer to seal the deal.

Both Black*Star and Tsubaki eyed the food Soul had placed in front of them suspiciously.

"And you supervised this, Maka?" Tsubaki asked, carefully prodding the noodles.

"Hey, I can cook now!" Soul protested. "Right Maka? The dinner I made for you was really good!"

"It's true," Maka confirmed. Tsubaki did not look very reassured.

"I'm taking Tsubaki's portion," Black*Star announced, reaching for her plate.

"No!" Soul blurted out.

"Ah-HAH! I knew it!" Black*Star pointed an accusing finger at him. "You did something to it!"

"N-nooo," Soul said, "I just uh, made it…specifically for you?"

"You're a horrible liar, god, how did you ever hide your crush on Maka for longer than a week?"

"Very poorly," Maka said, sending Soul a smile to his scowl. "He put about ten chili peppers in yours, just avoid the meat."

"Hah! Is that all! The great Black*Star can handle any spice you put in there!"

Three pitchers of water later, Black*Star was still wiping away his tears with a napkin as Tsubaki smiled at Soul and Maka. "I'm so glad everything ended up going well for you two," she said.

Maka took Soul's hand in hers under the table and gave it a squeeze. "Us too," she replied, looking at Soul, who couldn't stop the grin slipping onto his face.

"It's a relief to finally know we're all on the same page." Tsubaki sighed. "I won't lie, it was quite an ordeal to watch you two dance around your feelings for each other."

"Hilarious though," Black*Star added. "Anyway, congratulations said and done -"

"You didn't say anything, that was all Tsubaki -"

Black*Star leered over the table, grinning madly. "It's time to collect on that favor."

Soul looked at Maka. "I'll trade you -"

"No."

"Ten ki-"

"Nope."

"Twenty," Soul said desperately.

Tsubaki cleared her throat. "Actually Soul, you can't bargain this away to Maka, since she'll be helping you."

The two whipped their heads around to stare at her. "What?" they asked simultaneously.

"Or did you forget that you owe me too, Maka?" Tsubaki said, smiling sweetly.

Maka colored. "N-no…"

"For what?" Soul asked.

"Oh you know, this and that." Tsubaki's eyes glinted mischievously. "A new wardrobe to impress a certain someone, for one."

"Really," Soul said, the beginnings of a smirk working its way onto his face.

"ANYWAY," Maka interrupted, shoving him away. "What's the favor?"

"You're gonna drive me and Tsubaki to wherever we want to go for the next two weeks," Black*Star said.

Soul and Maka looked at each other. "That's it?" Soul asked. "I mean, I don't think both of you will fit on the back of my motorcycle at once, but…"

"In a rickshaw!" Tsubaki exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

"What?"

"What?" Maka sputtered. "You can't be serious."

"We've already rented one!" Black*Star said.

"And planned out our dates," Tsubaki chimed in.

"Which you'll be taking us to, along with to school and back. It'll be awesome!"

"And since the both of you essentially needed the same favor, you can share the load!"

A half hour later of fruitless attempts to escape their fate found Soul and Maka slumped against the couch, glumly contemplating their choice in friends.

"Maka?" Soul put his arm around her, squeezing her tight. "Next time we need help with something, let's never, ever involve Black*Star or Tsubaki again."

"Agreed," Maka said fervently. She nuzzled into his neck. "We'll just keep the bargaining between us. The rewards are better that way, anyway."

He hummed his agreement before removing his arm and turning to face her. "Hey," he said softly. The look in his eyes was warm and tender.

"Hey," she replied, heart fluttering.

His fingers came up to stroke her cheeks as he drew closer. She closed her eyes and felt his breath tickle her cheeks. "Still the best trade-off I ever made," he murmured.

"Mmm," was all she could say as he brushed her lips with his own. This kiss was slow and yearning, and he took his time exploring her thoroughly, pressing soft kisses on her cheeks, forehead, chin, eyelids. It made both her heart and soul burn with helpless affection and love for her silly, sweet boy. "Likewise," she breathed.

Soul pulled her close and planted another kiss on her head. "I'll trade you as many massages and kisses as you want if you do the rickshaw thing."

Maka kissed him back. "Not a chance."

Thank you for reading! Comments and criticism are much appreciated!

#soma #soul eater #my fanfiction #my writing #fanfiction #soul evans #maka albarn #black*star #tsubaki #cooking #recipe for disaster #kisses

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