#it just that i needed to organize my thoughts and i do that better in portuguese ksakska
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glossdebut · 2 days ago
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everything i want (a take a bite drabble collection) | MYG
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✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader (TAB!couple)
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✧ GENRE: established relationship, fluff, smut, humor
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✧ REQUEST: @joonary: hello my dear friend i am here to request something with dilf yoongi 😁 no other specifications go crazy and @beomcoups: I wanted to send you a request with Yoongi and you spend the day at the beach with this prompt "isn't that view beautiful"? It can be sfw or nsfw.
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✧ SUMMARY: The best part of being with Yoongi, from the very beginning, was that nothing had to change for either of you. You could be married to Yoongi and to your job at the same time, build your career from the ground up and never sacrifice a thing. But this? Having a baby? It’s all going to be sacrifice. It won’t be just you and Yoongi anymore, living in your precious little workaholic love bubble. Everything is going to change.
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✧ TAGS: pregnancy, different stages of pregnancy (conception, morning sickness, early labor, etc.), the smut is crazy but this is mostly soft, TAB!couple are in complete domestic bliss i fear, and they’re married!, yoongi and MC being each other’s voices of reason, TAB!yoongi’s murderous inner monologues make a comeback, rina cameo, baby penny <3, beach episode moment (warnings under the cut because… um…)
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✧ WORDCOUNT: 7.6k words
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✧ AUTHOR’S NOTE: blame MJ for this. and my m’lady anon for saying i’m always ovulating. *taps mic* min yoongi my womb is empty please call me.
P.S. thank you to tanni @yooniivrse for beta reading <3
P.P.S. i feel like this can maybe stand alone??? but parts of it might be confusing if you haven’t read take a bite in its entirety, so… do that, if you want!
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✧ WARNINGS: vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), dirty talk, spanking, nipple play, hand/finger kink, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yoongi calls reader a sl*t in bed but it is all extremely consensual, rough sex, unprotected sex (duh) (but wrap it before you tap it), creampie (double duh)
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one —
Yoongi’s being a real good sport about it, but you know you’re being annoying.
Ever since both of you got home, you just… There are things that need to be done, okay? Like unloading the dishwasher. You can’t just leave that for tomorrow, that would be insane. And since you’re unloading the dishwasher, you might as well organize the kitchen cabinets. They’re a mess, and you’re putting away dishes anyway. Why postpone the inevitable?
And Pepper! Sweet, sweet Pepper. She needs to be fed, obviously. You’re not going to neglect your cat, are you? Your cat who has nobody else in the whole world aside from you and Yoongi? The two of you are responsible for a whole life—feline life! Feline life. 
This doesn’t have anything to do with what Yoongi’s eomma said tonight. Absolutely not. 
You are a grown woman. An award winning music journalist with a kickass career and a super hot, famous, rich man by your side. You’re not going to let Yoongi’s eomma get under your skin. You’re just fidgety. Who wouldn’t be after dinner with the in-laws?
You pause mid-kibble pour, staring down at the sparkly, significant thing wrapped around your finger. It’s been over a year, and sometimes you still can’t believe it’s true. Married. Husband and wife. Mr. and Mrs. Min.
The thought makes you relax, just a little. Yoongi is your better half in every sense. Your soulmate. And more than that, he has your back. There’s no reason why you can’t just tell him what you’ve been thinking. What you’ve been thinking for a long time now, really. 
As if he can read your mind, your husband sidles up behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you finish feeding the cat. 
“You wanna talk about it?” he murmurs against the back of your neck.
“No,” you huff, turning in his hold to loop your arms around his neck. “But I think we have to.”
Yoongi hums, dipping down to kiss you softly. “Okay. Let’s talk about it, then.”
With a sigh, you peel yourself away from your husband and head to the couch. This feels like a sitting down conversation. Yoongi sits next to you, pulling you into his body, your head on his shoulder.
“Y/N… You know it’s not a dealbreaker, right? Kids. You know that.”
Tilting your head up, you study his features.
Yoongi is usually so unshakeable. It’s rare that you see him truly nervous, not when it comes to you. Your relationship is so solid, you can’t remember the last time you saw him like this.
“Yoongi, of course I know that,” you assure him immediately, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek.
The two of you had the marriage-and-kids conversation not long after you moved in together. It was the logical thing to do, with how serious things were getting. The marriage part of the conversation was easy. Yeah, duh, you wanted to marry Min Yoongi one day. No shit. 
The kids part, though? That was a little harder. At least for you.
You didn’t know if you wanted kids. The cons far outweighed the pros, especially where your work schedules were concerned, and at the time, you weren’t sure if that would ever change.
Yoongi was amenable about it, though. He wanted what you wanted. Kids, no kids, whatever. You’re pretty sure those were his exact words.
“I’m not freaking out because I think you’re gonna, like, leave me or something.”
“Okay,” he says, visibly relaxing. “Then why are you freaking out?”
“I don’t know!” you groan, pressing your face into his shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“Baby,” he huffs. “This is our decision, not my eomma’s. Nothing’s changed.”
That’s the thing. That’s why you’re so restless.
“Maybe…” Fuck, you can’t sit still for this. So you stand, hoping you can force the words out if you’re pacing. “Maybe things have changed.”
It would be funny, the way Yoongi’s mouth pops open in a little ‘o’, if you didn’t feel like you were about to throw up.
“I just—” You rub your hands over your face, exasperated. And then you’re stopping in front of him, jabbing your finger at his chest. “You’re really annoying, you know. Paternal. Every time I have to watch you play with your brother’s kid I really want to smack you.”
“Paternal?” Yoongi snorts. His hands catch yours, interlaced fingers pulling you to stand between his open legs.
“Paternal,” you sniff. “Stop looking at me like that.”
Of course, that only makes it worse. He looks so fond, even though you feel more and more like you’re dying as you speak. “How long have you been thinking about this?”
“You mean how long has this been plaguing me?” you grumble, earning a laugh from him.
“Yeah, sure,” Yoongi says as he looks up at you expectantly.
You look down at your joined hands, swinging them back and forth so the warm lamplight catches on your rings. “Since we got married, I guess.”
Yoongi squeezes your hands to catch your attention, quirking an eyebrow at you when you glance up. “That long?” he asks, his voice tinged with disbelief. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure,” you mumble as your heart threatens to beat out of your chest.
“You’re telling me now,” he points out. He sounds a little unsteady, like he’s feeling just as jittery as you are, now that it’s all out in the open.
“Yeah,” you breathe. “I am.”
“You want a baby?”
You nod, bottom lip catching between your teeth. “I want a baby.”
Before you have a chance to react, Yoongi sits up, pulling you into a kiss with a hand on the back of your neck. Almost as soon as you melt into it, clambering into his lap as your lips slot with his, he’s pulling away. 
“With me, right?” he teases, squawking indignantly when you pinch his sides in retaliation. “Yah, I’m just making sure!”
“Yes with you, asshole!”
two —
You feel a little stupid.
Maybe it’s because you don’t know how to act now. Nobody told you that planning to have a baby would suddenly put so much pressure on sex, but now here you are, standing in the kitchen in a too-tight dress while you try not to burn dinner.
You never cook. That’s Yoongi’s job. But you don’t know what else to do with all this restless energy, don’t know how else to initiate the ‘okay, I’m ready, knock me up’ conversation.
You’ve talked about the important things. You’ve dealt with the birth control issue. You’re taking, like, vitamins and shit now. All that’s left is to… actually try, right?
Except you’re nervous as hell, have been since you woke up to the notification from your cycle tracker informing you that you’re in your fucking ‘fertile window’ (ew!), and you’re suddenly acting like someone you don’t even recognize. Christ, you wonder if Yoongi has been feeling like this, too.
Speaking of Yoongi… He isn’t home yet, and for a moment, you think it’s not too late to just get rid of all of the evidence. Do away with the self-imposed theatrics, order some takeout, and act like it’s just another night. It’s not like Yoongi would mind.
But you’ve already committed to these stupid fucking steaks. And candles. There are candles.
It is too late, anyway. Almost as soon as the thought begins to form in your brain, you hear the sound of keys jangling and a lock turning, and then your future sperm donor himself is slipping his shoes off at the front door.
At least, he’s trying to. He’s got one socked foot out, frozen in his tracks as he takes in the scene before him.
“Did I forget an anniversary?”
You scoff, eyes rolling despite the nausea building inside you. “As if you’ve ever forgotten anything in your life.”
“Point made.”  He kicks his shoes off the rest of the way, nodding his head in the direction of the candles on the table. “Wanna tell me what this is for, then?”
You shrug, poking at the steak sizzling in front of you with a pair of tongs. “I wanted to make you dinner.”
“You don’t do that,” he says, eyeing you suspiciously.
“Well, I felt like it tonight,” you huff in exasperation.
“Okay,” he says, rounding the counter. His eyes rake over your form shamelessly, now that he can see all of you. “And the dress?”
“A girl can’t dress up every now and then?”
“Hey,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. “Not complaining, believe me. Just curious.”
You know you’re being a little bit testy. Evasive. But it’s not your fault. Is there a good way to say ‘I did all of this because I want you to cum inside me tonight’? If there is, you haven’t found it.
Instead, you settle on, “I just felt like it.”
Yoongi hums, sliding behind you so he can wrap his arms around your middle. “Just felt like it, huh?” he mumbles. You can feel his lips on the back of your neck, and it’s dizzying how quickly your body reacts to his proximity. “No ulterior motives?”
“Nope,” you say. It sounds like bullshit, even to you. But how are you supposed to spin a convincing lie when your husband’s hands are on you? Hands that slide from hips to waist to tits as his mouth grows insistent at your nape, making you shiver.
“Shame,” he murmurs, nosing at the curve of your neck until his lips reach the shell of your ear. “I was hoping you wanted me to fuck a baby into you.”
“Fuck,” you breathe. Your legs are already growing wobbly beneath you, and he hasn’t even touched you. It’s pathetic, the way anxiety gives way to anticipation so easily.
Smoothly, Yoongi reaches in front of you to turn off the stove. It’s probably best that you skip dinner, anyway. Those steaks were going to be shit and you both know it.
You’re guided away from the stove, spun around so the small of your back is pressed against the kitchen counter. The room seems to shrink around you with the way you’re pinned under Yoongi’s gaze.
He kisses you, slow and deliberate, your legs growing even weaker at the way his lips slide against yours. You get lost in it for a moment, reveling in the way his body molds to yours as his tongue teases at the seam of your lips. But then he pulls away.
“Why don’t you tell me the truth?” His hands slide down your body to knead your ass roughly, causing the hem of your dress to ride up. “What does my girl want, hm?”
“Yoongi,” you whine, desperate as you reach down to palm him through his jeans.
“Nuh-uh,” he chastises, voice laced with amusement. He grabs hold of your wrist, bringing it up to his lips to press a gentle kiss against your skin. “You’ve just gotta ask, beautiful. You know I’ll give you what you need. I’m not a mind reader, though.”
Annoying. Also patently untrue, but whatever. The point of all of this—the dress, the candles, the dinner attempt—was that you wouldn’t have to say it. But of course, Yoongi never makes things easy for you.
“You already know, though,” you huff. “Don’t be mean.”
Yoongi huffs a laugh, fingers skating teasingly along the hem of your dress. “Okay, baby,” he concedes. “I’ll be nice.”
And then his hand slips under your dress, only to find that you’ve foregone panties for the night. “Shit,” he groans. “You’re gonna kill me.”
The anticipation of the day has left you dripping for him, the pads of his fingers sliding along your cunt with ease. You gasp when he thrusts two digits into you, moan when they curl against your front wall, the sensation sending you climbing up the counter.
“This?” he murmurs against your lips. “This is what you want?”
Suddenly, all of your anxiety from the day washes away. It’s stupid, you realize, to be so scared of just telling him everything you want. He loves when you tell him what you want, loves to be the one to fulfil every single one of your wishes. And right now, while your husband’s fingers fuck into your pussy in the middle of your kitchen, all you want is—
“Fuck me. Please, Yoongi. Need you to fuck me.”
“Yeah?” he growls. “Why?”
“B-because,” you whimper, cheeks flushing as you finally say the words. “W-wanna make a baby with you, wan’ you to give me a baby.”
“Fuck,” Yoongi hisses, nipping at your jaw. The pace of his fingers is slow and steady as heat crawls up your spine. You cry out when his thumb begins to circle your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head at the sensation. “There’s my good girl. I’ll give you what you need, baby, I promise. Just cum for me first.”
He doesn’t have to tell you twice. You’re so fucking wound up, and his fingers feel so good pumping in and out of you, it was only a matter of time before you unraveled for him. 
Wetness gushes around Yoongi’s fingers, the filthy squelch of his ministrations filling your ears. You don’t have it in you to be embarrassed by it. Not when you’re this close. Before you know it, your orgasm is washing over you, leaving you clenching helplessly around his fingers as he mumbles praise into your neck.
“Shit,” you breathe.
Gently, Yoongi withdraws his fingers. “Feel good?”
With a giggle, you nod, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Mm. We really need to stop using our kitchen for non-kitchen related activities, though.”
“Nah,” he chuckles. “Where’s the fun in that?”
As you catch your breath, you start to feel antsy due to the silence that settles between you two. Everything’s out in the open now, isn’t it?
As if he can sense the shift in your energy, Yoongi presses his forehead against yours, rubbing his hand down your back. “You’re in your head again.”
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, pouting.
“Don’t apologize,” Yoongi murmurs softly. “Just tell me what's wrong.”
You take a shaky breath, closing your eyes for a moment. Better out than in, you suppose.
“I just… There’s all this pressure now that we’re trying to have a baby. I guess I’m just worried we’re not… doing this right.”
“Right?” he repeats, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Like… It’s a big deal, isn’t it?” you say, glancing at your forgotten steaks further down on the counter. “Shouldn’t we treat it like one?”
Yoongi pulls back, eyes widening in understanding. “So… The dress and the dinner.”
“Yeah.”
There’s a pause, and you can’t help but squirm as he studies you for a moment. You desperately wish you knew what he was thinking, but you know Yoongi. He chooses his words carefully, always.
“Do you want to do things differently?” he finally asks.
Huh.
“What?”
Yoongi grins, chuckling as he reaches to intertwine your fingers with his. “Y/N,” he starts, squeezing your hand. “You are the woman of my dreams. It doesn’t matter when or where or how it happens, our baby is going to be made with love no matter what.”
Your heart pangs at that, lips twisting in a contemplative frown as you consider his words. Damn him for making so much fucking sense all the time.
“If you want to do the dinner and the candles and the rose petals and everything else, we can do that,” Yoongi says, pausing to kiss your nose. “I’ll take my time, fuck you nice and slow. Anything you want.
“But I don’t want you to feel nervous about this,” he murmurs, pressing more kisses into your skin until he’s nosing the underside of your jaw. “I could bend you over this counter and fuck you right here, and we’d still be doing things right, as long as it feels right to you.”
Yoongi’s right. You’ve been building up all of these unrealistic expectations for how this night should go, and for no reason. The anxiety that had built a home in the pit of your stomach gives way to something hotter, your eyes fluttering shut as his breath ghosts over your skin.
“I’m sorry,” you sigh, tangling your fingers in his hair as he mouths at your neck. “I don’t want anything to change.” 
“Quit apologizing,” he chastises with a bite to your skin that makes you gasp. “You know what you want. Always so good at telling me, too. So tell me.”
Here goes nothing.
“I want you to take off my dress,” you breathe. It feels like a good place to start. 
Tongue darting out to lick his lips, Yoongi’s gaze roves over your body. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Bedroom? Or here?”
“Bedroom,” you say, gently pushing him out of your space so you can hop off the counter. 
You barely get a chance to steady yourself before Yoongi’s grabbing hold of your hand. You can’t help but giggle at his eagerness as he drags you out of the kitchen, pausing only to blow out the candles you’d lit earlier.
Once he gets you to the bedroom, Yoongi spins you around so you’re facing away from him. You feel the evidence of his arousal against the curve of your ass as he slowly unzips your dress.
“So fucking pretty,” he murmurs, his breath warm against the back of your neck as your dress drops and pools at your feet. His hands roam over your body, squeezing and caressing everywhere he can reach. “How did I get so lucky, hm?”
Turning in his hold, you loop your arms around his neck with a cheeky smile, your naked form pressed against his clothed one. “Through a mutual disdain for square dancing, if I recall correctly.”
Yoongi laughs at that, gummy smile in full force even as he shamelessly fondles your breasts. “You don’t recall correctly,” he teases. “I had to put in a lot of work after that to actually get you, remember?”
How far you’ve both come since then. No more tortured longing. No more misunderstandings. No more fear of taking the leap. All that remains between you now is love. Plain and simple. 
“You had me from day one,” you insist, fondness swelling in your chest. “I didn’t stand a chance.”
It’s so gratifying, witnessing the way you can still fluster your husband after all this time. With pink cheeks, Yoongi ducks his head, attempting to hide a shy smile. “Aw,” he coos, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Do you love me or something?”
Snorting, you bite back a grin. “I do. Very much. And you love me.”
Yoongi hums in agreement. An errant squeeze to your ass, as casual as it may be, reminds you of where you are. Heat floods you all over again, a delicious shiver wracking your body at the reminder of what you’re about to do. As head over heels as you may be for Yoongi, you’d really like to get his cock inside you sometime this year. 
You catch his gaze, raising a challenging eyebrow at him.
“But you can fuck me like you don’t,” you offer. 
In an instant, the softness in Yoongi’s eyes shifts into something else entirely. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, his grip on your ass tightening.
“You’re sure?” he asks, voice so low and gravelly that your cunt clenches in response. You know him well enough to know that he’s giving you one last out, that his control is likely hanging by a thread.
But fuck, you want it. Want to be fucked within an inch of your life, because who knows the next opportunity you’ll have to get it like that once you’re with child?
“I can handle it.”
Yoongi scans your features for a moment, taking in your flushed cheeks and parted lips. The way your body responds to him without a second thought, willing to take anything he wants to give you. If he’s looking for uncertainty, he isn’t going to find any. Not anymore. 
He must be satisfied with what he finds, because before you can react, you’re suddenly on your back, gasping as you’re enveloped in memory foam.
“Spread your legs, baby,” Yoongi says, his hands on your knees roughly guiding your legs to part nice and wide so he can settle between them. “Show me that pretty cunt of yours.”
“Yoongi,” you whimper, fingers instinctively threading into his hair. It’s getting so long lately, so pullable. You might kill him if he tries to cut it anytime soon. “Want your cock, you don’t have to—“
Your pleas are effectively halted when Yoongi spreads your folds with his thumbs, looking up at you with eyes that are all pupil. “You’re this wet for me, and you think I’m not gonna get my mouth on you?” 
He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, surging forward to lick a broad stripe over your pussy. You cry out, back arching and hips kicking off the bed when his tongue flicks against your oversensitive clit.
“Fucking dripping,” Yoongi groans appreciatively. “Holy shit, Y/N.”
The whine that escapes you is pathetic, embarrassment and arousal warring inside you as you rock your hips forward. Luckily, Yoongi gets the hint, dipping down again to swirl his tongue over you.
It’s filthy and loud, the way he sucks and slurps at your pussy like he’s starving for it, can’t get enough. It doesn’t take long before your second orgasm is barreling towards you, thighs trembling on either side of his head as you squirm under him.
“Yoongi, fuck,” you mewl as he laves over your aching cunt, tugging hard at the strands of dark hair caught between your fingers to keep him from pulling away. “I’m gonna cum, like, any second.”
Yoongi hums, tongue lashing at your clit at a pace that almost drives you up the bed. Everything feels so fucking good, so overwhelming, that you can’t hold back any longer. 
You cum hard, a litany of curses and moans falling from your lips as Yoongi works you through it, only letting up when your hands push weakly at his head.
“You’re so worked up, baby,” he teases, although the way he palms himself through his jeans as he climbs over you tells you he’s just as turned on as you are. “You want my cum that bad?”
Your pussy flutters at his words, silently begging to be filled. Fuck. It doesn’t surprise you that your husband knows how to read your body this well, knows exactly how to push all of your buttons, but it still drives you crazy all the same.
“You’re worked up, too,” you huff as you snake your hand under his, feeling the way his erection strains against his jeans. He’s so fucking hard.
“Of course I am,” he agrees, chuckling at your impatience. He pulls his shirt over his head as he speaks, moving to deal with his jeans next. “I’ve got my girl cumming so easily for me, begging for my cock. Why wouldn’t I be worked up?”
“Then fucking do something about it,” you whine, mouth watering when his cock springs free in front of you. You need him inside you yesterday.
In a flash, you’re flipped over roughly so you’re flat on your stomach. 
“So fucking impatient,” Yoongi growls, delivering a sharp slap to your ass that makes you moan.
You feel the heat of his hand dip between your thighs, fingers sliding over your slippery folds, and you can’t help but push your ass back against his touch, knees spreading as wide as they’ll go.
“Look at you. You’re desperate for it.” He sounds almost amazed. You whimper when he slides his fingers from your core, replacing them with the blunt head of his cock. “Well since you wanna act like a slut, I guess I have to fuck you like one, hm?”
Yes. Fucking. Please.
“Please,” you breathe, arching your back prettily for him, wiggling your hips in a way that makes him hiss. “Want it, please.”
Yoongi teases you for a moment, rubbing his tip through your soaked folds, but then the warmth of his body disappears from behind you. “Nah. I changed my mind,” he finally says, smacking your ass once more. “Turn over. I wanna see your face when I cum inside this pussy.”
Oh.
You’ve never moved so fucking fast in your life. Within seconds you’re on your back, and Yoongi doesn’t waste any time either, slotting his body between your legs with ease. You both moan when he finally slides into you, one of his hands coming up to cradle your face.
Yoongi’s always been so patient, much more patient than you. He gives you time to adjust to the stretch of him, his thumb sweetly caressing your cheek as you look into each other's eyes.
But that’s pretty much all the grace you get.
Once he’s sure you’re ready, the first snap of his hips has you reeling, your eyes rolling back in your head. And then he’s fucking you for real, setting a pace that has you crying out his name.
“Fuckin’ love being inside you,” he grunts, his eyes fixed on where your bodies meet so he can watch the way his cock slides in and out of you. “Pussy was made for me, wasn’t it, baby?”
You don’t think you could speak if you tried, too high on the feeling of Yoongi’s cock hitting that place inside you that makes you see stars. Instead, you turn your head, craning your neck until you can get the thumb that was rubbing your cheek into your mouth.
You love Yoongi’s hands. Love how strong and capable they are, love how gentle they can be even when he’s fucking you this hard. You could live and die with Yoongi’s fingers in your mouth and you’d be a happy, happy woman.
Yoongi groans, his thrusts growing rougher as you wrap your lips around his thumb and suck. “There’s my good girl,” he praises. “Fuck, you’re so pretty, baby.”
You preen at the praise, looking up at him through your lashes as you moan around the digit. But then Yoongi’s using his free hand to hitch your leg around his hip, driving his cock even deeper into you somehow, and you’re pulling off of his thumb with a sob.
“Yoongi! F-fuck, it’s too much—”
“You begged for this,” he growls. His thumb, slick with your spit, travels down to circle a nipple, your breath getting caught in your throat when he adds his forefinger and pinches. “You said you could handle it. So take it.”
He keeps fucking into you, rough and relentless, and even though you’ve been reduced to a sobbing mess, it feels so fucking good. So you do what he says and take what he’s giving you.
Satisfied, Yoongi dips down to lave his tongue over your other nipple, sucking it into his mouth as your hands fly to grasp at his hair.
“Nnnghh, Y-yoongi,” you moan. “Feels so g-good.”
With one final flick of his tongue against your breast, he comes back up to kiss you, his mouth moving against yours with an urgency that takes your breath away.
“I love you,” he murmurs against your lips, pressing his forehead against yours. His hands come up to cradle your face again, wiping errant tears from your cheeks. “Love you so much.”
“Love you too,” you sob, using the much-needed reprieve to catch your breath.
“Taking me so good,” he breathes, thrusts growing erratic as he pants against your mouth. “Can’t wait to give you a baby.”
You moan, clenching around him in response. “Need you to cum,” you pant, delirious. “Please, Yoongi, wan’ you to fill me up.”
“Fuck,” he moans, eyes squeezing shut as if he’s pained. “‘M gonna. Gonna fill you up so good, baby. Do me a favor and rub your clit for me, m’kay my love?”
You do as you’re told, slipping a hand between your sweaty bodies. It’s not going to take much at this point, not with how desperate he looks above you. He’s a fucking sight for sore eyes, lips bitten and pupils blown as he tracks the movement of your hand.
“Shit, you’re so sexy,” he groans. “Gonna cum.”
You’re right there with him, both of you moving in perfect synchrony as you chase your release. All it takes is a few passes of your fingers over your clit before your vision goes white, a sob escaping your throat as you feel Yoongi spill into you with a groan.
You cling to him, arms wrapped around his neck as he presses sloppy kisses to your naked shoulder. “God,” you breathe, thighs shaking when you stretch your legs out.
You both gasp for breath, skin sticking together from the sweat that’s been created between you.
“Yoongi?” you mumble. He hums, lifting his head to look down at you. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks, brows furrowing in confusion. Then, he grins tiredly. “For giving you the creampie of the century?”
“Ew,” you huff, flicking his forehead weakly. “No, idiot. For getting me out of my head.”
You know he knows what you mean. That’s what you do for each other. Yoongi knows how to calm you down like no one else, and you know you do the same for him. It’s a perfect give and take. 
“I don’t know if this will be… If this is the time that’s gonna give us a baby,” you continue, lips twisting as your eyes water slightly. “But I can’t imagine a better man to be the father of my child. I just want you to know that.”
Yoongi softens, taking in your words. Wordlessly, he dips down, eyes fluttering shut as he kisses you tenderly.
“You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met,” he says, his voice gentle. “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”
The two of you lay there for a long time, bodies tangled together as you process everything that just happened. What it means for both of you.
The best part of being with Yoongi, from the very beginning, was that nothing had to change for either of you. You could be married to Yoongi and to your job at the same time, build your career from the ground up and never sacrifice a thing.
But this? Having a baby? It’s all going to be sacrifice. It won’t be just you and Yoongi anymore, living in your precious little workaholic love bubble. Everything is going to change. 
Funnily enough, nothing has ever felt more right.
three —
It stands to reason that you find out that you’re pregnant in the office of Look Here Magazine. Where else?
You had your suspicions this morning, when you rolled out of bed nauseous as hell. But you also had an important interview scheduled for this afternoon—surely, you were just anxious about that. But the interview went great, and you still felt like shit afterwards. 
And then you got sick. Like, really sick. In the bathroom of the store you’d stopped at to grab some ginger ale, hoping that would help with the nausea.
Instead of ginger ale, though, you watched with no small amount of shame as the clerk at the register rang up a pregnancy test for you, eyeing you with thinly veiled judgement. Whatever. Jealous bitch needs to get laid.
So here you are, locked in the single stall restroom at your office, staring down at two pink lines. Fuck.
You’re shaking like a leaf. You’re fucking giddy, of course you are, but holy shit. It’s real now. It’s real, and you’re at work, and Yoongi is at his studio, and all you want to do is call him and tell him the news. Because you’re overjoyed, but you’re also terrified, and when you get like this, he’s the only one who can make you feel better.
But you can’t. You don’t want to tell him over the phone. You want to see his reaction in real time, see the gummy smile you love so much, feel his warmth when he pulls you into his arms, kiss him stupid.
So instead, you pick your phone up with trembling hands and snap a picture, sending it straight to Rina. 
It’s five in the morning in Athens. You know she won’t see it for another few hours. But it still calms you down enough to clean up and exit the bathroom, returning to your desk on shaky legs.
★ ★ ★
You can’t wait, as it turns out.
It’s seven in the evening. You got off of work less than thirty minutes ago, and you’re already all the way across town, riding in an ostentatiously large elevator to get to your husband’s swanky ass studio. You definitely broke several traffic laws to get here so fast, but you don’t care. Who knows when Yoongi will get home? You need to tell him now.
When the elevator doors slide open, allowing you to step foot onto Yoongi’s floor, you start to feel sick again. For a different reason this time. 
You know Yoongi’s going to be just as psyched as you are, but still, what if he’s not? What if he’s scared shitless and all of a sudden he changes his mind about this? You both wanted a baby, but it sure as shit feels completely different now that it’s real.
You don’t know what you’re going to do if he has a change of heart. Fuck. Flee the country, probably.
You put one foot in front of the other, following the familiar path to Yoongi’s studio. Your heart races as you punch in the code you know by heart, gut twisting as the whir of the lock fills your ears. And then you’re stepping inside, slipping your shoes off at the door with the expression of a sighted rabbit on your face.
Yoongi spins around in his chair, eyes widening at your unexpected presence. “Hey,” he greets, visibly puzzled as he gets up to pull you into a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Hey,” you breathe, heartbeat thrumming in your ears. But still, it feels nice to be in his arms after the day you’ve had. “I didn’t know I was. Sorry if I’m interrupting.”
“Nah, don’t apologize. I need a break anyway,” he says, pulling away to study your face. “Everything okay?”
“Um!” you squeak out, grabbing his hands to pull him towards the couch in the corner of his studio, sinking down on the worn leather. You stare down at the material beneath you. He really needs to replace this thing. “Yes? I think so. I hope so.”
“You’re scaring the piss out of me, Y/N,” he huffs, settling down next to you. Gently, his fingers grasp your chin, lifting your head so you’re looking straight at him. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Swallowing thickly, you shift your bag into your lap, digging around in it for a moment until you can procure what you need. Shakily, you hold out two positive pregnancy tests for him to see. God, pregnancy is so gross. You’re holding pee sticks in your hand.
“I’m, um…”
“You’re pregnant,” Yoongi breathes, eyes widening in amazement as he stares at the little lines. Tearing his eyes away, he gapes at you. “You’re pregnant? We’re going to have a baby?”
“I think so,” you say, chewing at your bottom lip nervously.
“Shit,” he says, grinning so wide you can’t help but return it. “We’re going to be parents!”
Before you know it, tears are streaming down your face, even as you laugh in disbelief along with him. You never should’ve doubted him, not even for a second.
“We’re going to be parents,” you sob, still clutching the positive tests in your hand as you speak through your tears. “Can I put these down? It’s so gross. I peed on these.”
Laughing, Yoongi takes the tests from your hand and sets them aside, pulling you into his lap so he can kiss you silly. “Fuck,” he murmurs, breaking away with a sniffle. “I’m so happy.”
Fuck. He can’t do that. He can’t cry, too. You don’t think you can take it.
“Me too,” you say, wiping at your eyes. Then you smack his shoulder, sniffling yourself. “You can’t cry, stupid. You’re supposed to be the strong one.”
Another laugh bubbles up from his throat, nothing but fondness and joy in his watery eyes. “I think for the next nine months, you’re one hundred percent going to be the strong one,” he says, staring down at your belly with awe.
It’s crazy. There’s nothing there yet, but yes there is.
“Yoongi,” you whimper, mouth twisting as you try to hold back another wave of tears. “We’re going to be parents.”
“We’re going to be parents,” he repeats, swallowing thickly as he meets your eyes again. “Fuck.”
“Fuck,” you agree. You’re delirious, so happy you think you could pass out. “I love you.”
Pulling you into a tight hug, Yoongi rubs your back soothingly. “I love you so much, baby,” he breathes as he nuzzles into your hair.
Nothing has ever felt more right.
four —
Yoongi is going to kill somebody. It’s only a matter of time.
He was close, in that stupid fucking airport. It was going to be that bitchy flight attendant. It was. She’d been testing his patience all goddamn morning, getting testy every time he asked for updates on his flight, and Yoongi was already barely hanging on by a thread. But then he could practically hear your voice in his ear. Don’t be a jackass. It’s not her fault your flight is delayed, you’d say. Because you’re his voice of reason when he can’t keep himself in check.
So the flight attendant was spared.
Then, it was going to be the snot-nosed little brat that kept kicking the back of Yoongi’s seat the whole way home. He had booked the flight last minute, unable to upgrade past economy. Which was fine. It’s not like Yoongi’s a snob!
He was just already pissed off. He wanted—no, needed—to be with you, instead of cruising at 35,000 feet, stuck in his very own personal saw trap. But you’d insisted he go on this stupid ass work trip, eviscerating every single logical objection he tried to make. You were impossible to reason with lately. 
So there he was.
In the end, the kid was spared, too. Only because throttling a child would probably look really bad for him, considering the circumstances.
The universe just seemed to be working against him, even after the plane touched down on the tarmac. Because of course! Of course it took him forever to find his stupid suitcase. Of course it took him even longer to get an Uber. Of course there was traffic on the way! Why not? What’s one more ‘fuck you, Min Yoongi’?
And of course, when he finally makes it, when he’s panting and out of breath, suitcase in hand as he searches wildly for the room number he was texted, the first person he sees is not you.
“Well look what the cat dragged in!”
Yeah, Rina might not make it. He’s sure you’ll understand.
Yoongi appreciates Rina, he really does. He tries to be there for you when you need him, but sometimes, despite his best efforts, he can’t be. It’s just the way life works. But Rina always steps in when she’s needed. Today is a great example.
That being said, Rina also has a tendency to step in when she’s not needed. Or particularly wanted. Like the entire past month, living in his guest bedroom to dote on you even though—apart from the work trip you insisted he go on—Yoongi has literally been working from home since month six, at your beck and call. 
Yoongi gets it. Rina is your best friend. He knows you’ve been elated to have her closeby this past month. But still, Yoongi would’ve paid for a hotel room for her or something. It’s been a little weird trying to, like, fuck his super hot pregnant wife knowing her best friend is just across the hall.
“Hi, Rina,” he says, deadpan even as he’s catching his breath. “Wanna point me in the direction of my wife?”
“She’s piiiiiissed at you,” Rina sing-songs, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.
Yoongi’s eye twitches.
“Because I’m late?” he guesses.
“Because you impregnated her in the first place.”
“Great,” he says, choosing not to engage. He points at a door. “There?”
“Good luck, champ,” Rina says in response, waving him through. Like he needs fucking permission to see you. Don’t engage don’t engage don’t engage.
Huffing, he opens the door to what he can only hope is actually your room, closing it softly behind him.
“Yoongi,” you warble.
There you are.
Suddenly, it’s like none of the events that have transpired today matter one fucking bit. Not the frantic voicemail he’d woken up to, the delayed flight, the bratty kid, none of it.
You look like an angel. A very pregnant, very stressed angel, but his angel nonetheless.
“Baby,” he breathes. He’s by your side in an instant, carding his fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“How was your trip?” you ask, leaning into his touch so sweetly. Man, he missed you.
“About as pointless as I thought it’d be. Just wanted to be with you the whole time.”
“Well, you’re here now.”
“Yeah. I’m here now,” he hums, pressing a kiss to your sweaty temple. “How are you feeling?”
You huff at that, staring up at him like he’s stupid. Or like Rina wasn’t lying when she said you’re pissed at him. 
“Like my vagina will never be the same again, thanks to you,” you grumble. “I can’t believe I let you do this to me. I’m going to make you pay, Min Yoongi.”
“Feel free,” he huffs, unable to suppress the small smile quirking at the corners of his lips. He can’t help it. You can be pissed at him all you want, he’s just happy to see you. “I’ll even remind you, if you want. Do you want me to put a date on your calendar?”
“Don’t push it,” you grit out, glaring daggers at him.
“You’re the only one doing the pushing today, baby.”
“God, I hope so,” you whine. “Get this thing out of me! It’s not fair that you get to be a DILF and I have to be all big and gross.”
A DILF???
“Baby,” Yoongi coos, doing his best to stifle the laughter threatening to break free. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. You’re glowing.”
“It’s sweat,” you deadpan.
“No, I’m serious,” he insists, taking your hands in his despite the way you try to whack him away. Despite his amusement, he’s completely sincere when he says, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Don’t be like that.”
“Really?” you pout.
Yoongi nods sagely, squeezing your hands. “One hundred percent a MILF.”
You groan, whacking his hands away in irritation, successfully this time. “Make yourself useful and go get me some ice chips, motherfucker.”
He snorts, backing towards the door with a little salute. “Yes ma’am,” he says. “I’ll be back in a few. I love you.”
“I love you too. Asshole.”
As he slips out of your room, he swears he catches the corners of your lips turning up, although you try valiantly to hide it. 
Yeah. You’re going to be just fine.
five —
It’s been nine months—thirty six weeks, because apparently babies are measured in weeks for some reason—since Min Penny was brought into this world. Yoongi doesn’t think he’ll ever get sick of looking at her.
She looks so much like you, it’s crazy. Every time he says that, you’re quick to tell him just how wrong he is—that she has Yoongi’s nose, Yoongi’s eyes, Yoongi’s smile—but when he looks at her, all he sees is you.
He loves it. She’s perfect.
She sleeps every night in a crib that Yoongi built, surrounded by stuffed animals that you handpicked, in a home that you two have made together.
Yoongi couldn’t be happier. 
The three of you have spent the last week or so in Daegu, and Yoongi’s parents have had ample time to get plenty of pictures and shower Penny with gifts that she proceeds to shove in her mouth at every opportunity.
It’s time to head back home, but not before a little detour. 
The weather is perfect today, giving both of you an opportunity to celebrate Penny’s half birthday the way you’ve been wanting to. A little overcast, but not so much that there’s a chance of rain. Really, it couldn’t be any better.
Yoongi’s always hated the beach, but a weekend trip to Jeju with his family didn’t sound half bad when you’d pitched it. And now that he’s here, sprawled out on a blanket on Jungmun Saekdal Beach while you shovel Jolly Pong into Penny’s waiting mouth, he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
When Penny grows disinterested in the Jolly Pong, you take a moment to adjust the little yellow sun hat you’d bought for her earlier and then lean back on your hands.
“Isn’t that view beautiful?” you sigh.
It’s so silly. You’re gazing out into the water, eyes sparkling as you take in the scenery in front of you. It’s beautiful here, it is. Yoongi hasn’t been to Jeju in a long time, and he’s sure the view is just as beautiful as you say. But all Yoongi can see is you. You, the amazing mother of his child. 
You’re radiant, glowing in a way that he’s never seen before. Even after all this time, you never fail to take his breath away.
“Yeah,” he hums, his hand curling around yours where it rests in the sand. “It is.”
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leia-writes · 1 day ago
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hi! i had a dream about this recently and was wondering if it would be anything you'd be interested in writing :)
it starts off with the reader and in-ho going through a really rough break up but they still have feelings for each other. right before the s2 games started, in-ho went to a bar and saw reader there and her job is to perform live music, so she sings about in-ho and their breakup, not realizing that he was actually there
Maybe You'll Be There
hwang in-ho | front man x reader
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ao3 link
masterlist
song inspiration: maybe you'll be there by etta jones
note: thank you so much for your request!!
warnings: angst
“Get out.”
You glared through teary eyes at In-ho, who was standing in the middle of your apartment with a bouquet of flowers. He sighed and dropped his arms in frustration, a few petals and leaves falling to the floor.
“I said I was sorry. I really am.”
“How many times have I heard that? You’re a broken record at this point.” You turned away from him and began cleaning up your kitchen. It took everything in your power not to break down crying right then, but you were just so tired of doing this with him. 
“I know. I messed up again. I’m sorry. Please.”
You sighed, dropping a glass into the sink. It clattered noisily as you turned towards In-ho. “Please what? Please forgive you for the thousandth time? Please forget how you ignore me whenever something important happens for me? Please let you play with my emotions?”
He stood there silently, trying to mask the shame spreading across his face.
“Which one, In-ho?”
He clenched his jaw, looking away from you. He still wouldn’t say anything. With every passing second he was silent you could feel your heart breaking even more.
You scoffed. “That’s what I thought. Get out.”
He gave you one last look, tears starting to form in his eyes. You’d never seen him cry, never even close to it. You wanted so badly to run to him, but you had to be strong this time.
You watched him as he set your flowers down on the table and walked to your door. He looked at you once again. For a brief moment you hoped he would say something, anything to make it right again.
Instead, he left, closing the door behind him.
~~~
You cried in bed that entire night. It was supposed to be a good day - you had just performed a full-blown concert all by yourself for the first time ever. Even though you worked for a very dark and secretive organization, you always made it a priority to pursue your passion for music. As time went on, you started gaining a reputation for being an outstanding jazz singer, and you found yourself wanting to move on from your high-stress job and live a more normal life.
After winning the squid games you participated in a couple years earlier, you soon found yourself working for the same organization alongside In-ho. Despite his cold exterior, you got along well. You had been dating almost a year before you started running into problems.
In-ho worked as the Front Man for a while before you joined him. You had only been working with him for a couple years, and you didn’t really have the same connection to that place like In-ho had. You both went through something extremely traumatic by playing and winning the games, but it seemed to bond In-ho to that place when you couldn’t care less. In-ho seemed constantly tormented by his decisions, as if he didn’t want to be there but couldn’t help himself.
As you started becoming more popular, you didn’t feel the need to work for them anymore. You wanted to leave many times, but In-ho always convinced you to stay. He promised over and over that you two could make it work, splitting time between the island and your apartment. And he promised he’d be at every one of your performances.
A promise he was never able to keep.
There were so many nights like that night, where In-ho would show up late in the evening, well after your performance, begging for forgiveness and promising to be better. You’d cry in front of him, break his heart a little, fall for his sweet words, and then make up as if nothing happened. Then you’d have another upcoming performance that always happened to conflict with work, and fight endlessly about how you navigate your relationship. Repeating the same vicious cycle over and over.
You couldn’t stand to keep breaking your heart like this. The love you felt for him was undeniable, something you felt you’d never get over, but the pain was just too much. Tonight was your final straw.
The next day, you finally quit your job and started your new life.
~~~
In-ho waited outside the lounge, the cold, night air whipping across his face. His hands were awkwardly stuck in his pockets as he scanned the people around him, looking for her. He was reluctantly waiting to meet someone on a blind date, set up for him by an acquaintance.
He didn’t want to be there at all, but figured he needed to start putting himself out there. Or at least that’s what everyone else was trying to convince him to do. After looking around for another brief moment, he spotted her approaching him.
She was beautiful. But she wasn’t you.
Ever since your painful breakup, he was tormented by thoughts of you. He couldn’t help but remember you in the little things around him, even now a year later. It was a constant reminder of his failings, how he ruined one of the only things that was good for him and made him truly happy.
He knew he was pushing you away the more you wanted to quit. He knew he was hurting you every time he missed a performance, ignored a call, prioritized anything else over you. He knew you’d be better off without him and his baggage.
In fact, it seemed true. Ever since you had finally broken up, he saw you rise to a whole new level of fame. You were constantly putting on performances and releasing new music. He tried his best to ignore any news he heard about you, but in moments of weakness couldn’t help but look you up and try to get a glimpse into your new life.
She approached him with a smile and they entered the lounge together, sitting at a small, intimate table for two. The atmosphere couldn’t have been any more romantic - warm, low lights, candles and a rose on the table, drinks and conversation flowing with ease around them. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt, as if he was doing something wrong.
A waiter approached the table and took their drink order. Upon returning, he excitedly pointed to the currently empty stage.
“Are you here to see the show?”
They looked blankly at the waiter, and she asked who was performing. In-ho felt his blood run cold when he heard the waiter say your name.
You.
You were performing at the lounge tonight. 
He gave a polite smile as he internally screamed. “Oh, we’re just staying for a drink, so we’ll probably miss it, won't we?” He glanced at his date.
She scoffed. “What? Of course not, we can’t miss this! I didn’t even know she was playing tonight.”
The waiter smiled. “It’s a special one-night performance, just for us. This is where she had one of her first solo performances!”
The waiter and In-ho’s date chatted briefly as In-ho tuned out all the noise around him. The one night he tried to get you off his mind, he found his way into the one place in the entire city you’d be. He felt his heart rate quicken and his head start to spin.
Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts. “Are you a fan too? You seem the type,” his date asked.
He snapped out of it. “Oh, uh,” he cleared his throat and sat up straighter. “Yes, I am.”
She smiled. “Great! We can’t wait.”
The waiter smiled and left. In-ho and his date casually sipped their drinks while making small talk. His eyes would dart wildly near the stage, anticipating when you’d appear on stage, wondering if you’d be visible nearby. 
“Are you alright?”
In-ho brought his attention back to his date, who had a concerned look on her face. He smiled. “Oh. Yeah, sorry. Uh… just a bit nervous, I guess.”
She smiled and sighed, relieved. “Oh god, me too. I’ve never done anything like this before.”
He laughed softly, but couldn’t ignore the uncomfortable feeling he had inside. He looked around, noticing how busy the place was getting as your performance was about to start. 
“Want another drink before the show starts?” he asked. The waiters were incredibly busy, and he needed an excuse to step away.
“Sure. Just the same. Thanks.”
He quickly got up and walked to the bar. It was filled with people getting their last minute orders in, but he took his time getting the attention of the bartender. Anything to delay having to go back to the table and put on a facade. How was he supposed to act once you began performing?
As he was waiting for the drinks, you arrived on stage. The entire place erupted with applause. In-ho wanted it all to not be real, just a dream he could wake up from at any moment. He wanted to look away from you, to keep his focus on the drinks he was supposed to be getting, but he couldn’t stop himself from turning to you.
It was as if all the air in his chest escaped at once. You were standing at the microphone looking like an angel. The lights had dimmed in the room, with a single spotlight illuminating your face. You scanned the room with a soft smile on your face.
“Wow. Thank you all for coming. I’ve never seen this place so packed!”
A quiet laughter sounded from the audience as you continued. “As some of you may know, this is the spot where I had my very first solo performance ever, almost a year ago now. I have so many memories in this place. Some good, some bad, but… that’s life, isn’t it?” 
You paused to take a deep breath. “Tonight I’ll be singing some of your favorites, some I even performed here that first night. And I even have a new special song I’ll be performing at the end for you. I hope you enjoy.” You smiled as the band started, the crowd applauding again.
In-ho stood still, frozen at the bar as you began singing. He immediately recognized your first song, remembering so vividly even now how you practiced it and played it for him over and over. He didn’t even notice when the bartender gave him his drinks.
Instead, he stayed there almost your entire concert, completely mesmerized by you. With the songs he recognized, it was like watching his memories in a movie in front of him, as if he was experiencing those feelings again just like before. And with your new songs, it was like getting to know someone he’d never met. He saw the parts of your life he had completely missed. It created a deep sense of loneliness and longing in his heart.
Before your last song, he finally became aware of himself and brought the drinks to his table. His date looked surprised.
“Oh. I thought you ditched me.” She scowled.
In-ho gave her an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry. The drinks…”
“The drinks didn’t take that long.”
In-ho sighed. “I know. I’m sorry, I got distracted.”
She sighed, taking a long sip of her drink. “You know, it’s fine. I was warned you might be like this, anyways.”
He was taken aback for a second. “What?”
“Your friends, they all told me they basically forced you into this.”
He scoffed. He wanted to defend himself for a moment… but they were right. He stayed silent.
“I just thought you’d have better manners than this,” she said, rolling her eyes.
He wasn’t sure what to say. Before he could think of something, you spoke before your last song.
“I want to thank you all for being here tonight. It means the world to have your support. Thanks to you, I’ve been able to make my dreams a reality. I’d like to thank you by playing a brand new song, just for you all. I wrote this recently, but it’s about what some of my life has been like this past year. 
“Like I said before, some good memories, and some bad. I wrote this to reflect on some of those bad memories, and hopefully let go of the pain with them. I’m sure some of you can relate, right?”
Many in the crowd nodded. “This one is called Maybe You’ll Be There. Thank you.”
As you began your song, In-ho’s blood slowly ran cold. He knew after the first verse you were talking about him. He studied your face as you sang, watching how your eyes would subtly flutter at particularly emotional moments. It was something most people wouldn’t pick up on, but he knew you. He still knew you so well.
Your voice filled the space with ease as you reached more intense moments, gracing the ears of the audience with your rich tone. Once you reached the last verse, a tear fell down your cheek in perfect timing. In-ho’s heart strained in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to run to you on that stage and wipe the tear from your face, and do anything to make you happy again, anything to make the two of you whole again, anything to heal the wound that festered over the last year.
He almost cried listening to the final words of your song, hearing how you wished he would come back. After everything you had gone through together, and all the time you spent apart, you still missed him. His heart broke - he didn’t deserve you, and you deserved so much better than him. And you said it yourself, that you hoped you could finally move on after releasing this song.
Although it pained him greatly, and forced him to defy the longing he felt in every fiber of his being, he knew you’d be better off without him. And so, after your performance ended, he politely excused himself from the date and went home. 
~~~
You entered your apartment later that night, pleasantly exhausted. It was late, but you were still buzzing with emotion. You hadn’t expected to become so emotional while performing your new song. It had been a long time since you cried on stage, but singing that song brought back so many painful memories that you couldn’t help yourself. Despite that, you were proud of having such a vulnerable moment become something beautiful.
You collapsed on your couch with a glass of wine, too tired to get changed just yet. The silence enveloped you. You remembered a year ago, the last time you saw In-ho in your apartment. The somber look he gave you as he left. The ensuing rush of tears and pain that you couldn’t keep in that night. 
And the painful ache of longing you’ve had ever since then.
You sighed deeply, finishing your glass of wine and willing yourself to stand up. Life goes on, you told yourself. You were well-acquainted with the act of ignoring your feelings and pressing forward. No matter how much you wanted In-ho to appear in front of you, it wasn’t going to happen. He never once tried to get you back in the entire past year. Maybe now you could finally let go.
As you walked to your bedroom, you heard a light knocking at your door. 
You stopped. Were you hearing things? The following silence was filled with tension.
You were about to dismiss the noise and continue walking when you heard it again, this time louder. Your heart was beating through your chest. 
Slowly, you walked to the door. Your heart leapt, as if you knew who was behind the door. You weren’t sure whether to cry, or get excited, or get angry. A flurry of emotions filled your mind as you grasped the door handle, turned it, and pulled the door open.
You froze at the man standing in front of you. His grief stricken face. Flowers in his hands. The way he breathed a sigh of relief. 
The way your heart breathed a sigh of relief.
In-ho.
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cawslew · 3 days ago
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[Tumblr ate my quality... give it back :(]
Ada's dorm assignments and Explanation's and a bit of Headcanon's under ⤵️
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HEARTSLABYUL
Atsushi: I was struggling with choosing between Heartslabyul and Savannaclaw for him. I think Savannaclaw would fit better (the tenacity part, and the tiger thing), but in the end, I chose Heartslabyul because he values justice, responsibility, and doing what’s right, which fits well with the rule-oriented nature of Heartslabyul.
Kenji: I chose Heartslabyul mostly based on vibes. Kenji is a cheerful and easygoing person, but also has his own unique logic that feels like the chaotic side of Heartslabyul.
OCTAVINELLE
Dazai: I don't think much needs to be said… His charisma? Cunning personality? Talent for manipulation? Straight-up Octavinelle student, no question asked. Especially with how easily he reads people, charms them, and manages to make people do what he wants by smooth-talking.
Haruno: This was a bit of a challenge to choose for her. At first, I thought about Pomefiore, but we already had so many characters in there, so I decided against it. I also considered Savannaclaw and Scarabia, but they didn't quite fit. In the end, I stuck with Octavinelle purely because of Haruno's intellect. It also felt right to make her a vice housewarden in her dorm.
POMEFIORE
Kunikida: This choice was easy, just like Dazai's. The drive for perfectionism, discipline, and ideals—he’s the literal embodiment of Pomefiore. It felt perfect for a dorm that’s known for its image-conscious students. It also made sense to make him Housewarden (and a little poke at the fact that, in canon, he’s supposed to take over as head of the ADA).
Junichirou: I was heavily influenced by his gentle yet thoughtful demeanor and the protectiveness he shows (not only his obsessive care for Naomi, but also his willingness to stand up for others). Despite being a bit of a wimp, he’s protective and supportive. He’s also a vice housewarden to Kunikida.
Naomi: To be fair, I had a hard time choosing for her. At first, I thought maybe Heartslabyul would be good for her affectionate yet mischievous personality. Then I considered Octavinelle for her cunning and strategic side. In the end, I went with Pomefiore, blending her elegant and calculating nature. She’s charming, and her subtle manipulation would suit the dorm well. It also helps that Junichirou is here, as where he is, Naomi is likely to follow. But I do think she was probably in Octavinelle first and switched to Pomefiore less than a month later.
IGNIHYDE
Rampo: Another easy choice. He’s intelligent and prefers solitude, plus his amazing problem-solving fits Ignihyde perfectly. He’s brilliant and often dismissive of what he considers unnecessary social interactions, so this is 100% the right dorm for him.
DIASOMNIA
Yosano: Diasomnia is a very fierce dorm, often associated with strength, authority, and a commanding atmosphere, which perfectly suits Yosano. Not only is she fierce and strong, but her role as a housewarden also fits well with the dorm's atmosphere.
Kyouka: She’s resilient and carries strength with her despite her tragic past. As previously mentioned, Diasomnia is focused on power and overcoming inner turmoil (especially considering the storyline of Book 7), so it’s a great fit for Kyouka.
Diasomnia overall is just a perfect choice in that regard for both Yosano and Kyouka.
I might also do other organization's in this AU if I feel like it, haha Or maybe I should do it the other way around? TWST in BSD universe???
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coquettemouse · 17 hours ago
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The loud ring of the school bell echoed through the hallway, and Leo instinctively covered his ears, wincing at the sound. He was used to it by now, but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the new kid—Jason—doing the exact same thing, though his expression was different. He looked genuinely startled, his face tightening as if the noise had caught him completely off guard.
Leo watched him for a moment, curious. Guess I’m not the only one who hates that thing, he thought to himself.
Meanwhile, Piper was busy packing up her books and notebooks, neatly sliding them into her bag like the organized machine she was. She glanced over at Leo. “Earth to Leo? Our next class.”
Leo gave her a half-smile, still distracted. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”
The two of them walked to their english class together, joining the crowd of kids heading in the same direction. When they entered the room, the teacher—Mr. Hermes—was already at the front, adjusting a stack of papers. He was this skinny guy with super messy hair and a beard that looked like he just forgot to shave. He always kinda looked like he just rolled out of bed, but he had this cool vibe about him, the kind that made even boring stuff seem kinda fun.
Leo liked Mr. Hermes. He always had a joke or a story up his sleeve, and he wasn’t afraid to bend the rules a little bit if it meant making class more fun.
“Alright, everyone, settle down!” Hermes called out, clapping his hands. “We’ve got something a little different today. I’m giving you an activity to work on in groups of three.”
The class perked up slightly at that. Group activities were always better than sitting through a lecture.
Mr. Hermes continued, waving a paper in the air. “Here’s how it’s gonna work. I’ll hand out the instructions, and you’ll work with your group to come up with some creative answers. You’ll have until the end of class, so don’t waste time deciding on your trios.” He paused, grinning. “And yes, you can pick your own groups.”
The room erupted into chatter as everyone started looking around, deciding who they wanted to team up with.
Piper tilted her head, clearly already thinking about their group. “So, who should we—”
“I wanna team up with the new kid!” Leo blurted out, cutting Piper off. He pointed right at the blonde boy sitting in the back, all quiet like he was trying not to be noticed. Leo didn’t really know why, but something about him just made Leo want to drag him into their group. Maybe it was because he looked so... out of place. Or maybe Leo just thought it’d be fun to see what his deal was.
Piper blinked at him. “Him? Why?”
Leo shrugged, grinning. “I dunno, I just wanna talk to him. He looks kinda cool. And, y’know,” he added with a cheeky glint in his eye, “he probably needs help making friends or something.”
Piper rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. “Fine. But don’t scare him off, okay?”
Leo ignored her and turned to Jason, waving him over. “Hey, Jake! Wanna join our group?” he called out, loud enough for half the class to hear.
Jason’s head shot up, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at Leo, then Piper, then back at Leo again. For a moment, he hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if Leo was serious. But then, with a small, uncertain nod, he grabbed his notebook and slowly made his way over to their table.
Leo beamed. “Cool! You’re with us now. I’m Leo, by the way. And this is Piper. Don’t worry, we’re pretty awesome.”
Jason gave a small smile, his voice quiet but polite. “Thanks. I’m Jason, actually.”
“Yeah, I know,” Leo said, leaning back in his chair. “Mrs. Roberts introduced you, remember?”
Jason shifted awkwardly, clutching his notebook to his chest. “Um, yes,” he said softly. “You called me Jake.”
Leo blinked, then let out a chuckle. “Did I? Oops, my bad. Jason, Jake, same thing, right?”
Piper rolled her eyes, giving Leo a playful nudge. “No, it’s not the same thing, genius. Maybe try listening for once.”
Leo shrugged and Piper let out a sigh. “Well, welcome to the group, Jason. Let’s see what Mr. Hermes has in store for us.”
Leo leaned forward, his excitement bubbling over. “Don’t worry, dude. We’ve got this. With me on your team, there’s no way we can lose.”
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bandsandwristbands · 3 days ago
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Howdy, erm, sorry, but I thought since you know Abt mha more than me, you would make this better.
So, the idea is: gaalee, but mha teachers (Lee is teaching orientation on the terrain, and Gaara more like hero activity moderator which mission, who and how should do it, smth like it. Dunno if in bnha verse they have such organ, but I think it would be neat). Like. Gaara and Lee are their adult versions with kids, but Lee is divorced. So, they like meet after loooong time and be like: remember our battle arc, when I almost killed you? Wanna do that again, just to see our progress? - Gaara said.
Since Lee is a teacher he has stadium pass.
So, they end up repeating all the steps like on manga until Lee jump on higher place (tribune or smth), Gaara would think like 'he is abt dropping his weights', but Lee actually just jumps down SUPER CLOSE TO GAARA'S FACE. He could feel warm breath in his forehead, Lee band a lil to his lips, Gaara in shock he just can't move sand at all (Lee still doesn't have quirk, that just pure shock). Then Lee just slide his hand in gourt, grab some sand and pour it on the flore through his fist and then like 'any new tricks from this dawg, cause I learned some'
I am sorry but this stupidity was rooting my brain too damn fast.
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Is it gay enough to discuss? :p
Have a good Day!
Taz I do hope you know what you've done here, you have smashed together my two favorite ships of all time and now my brain is broken forever.
I'm obsessed and I will be drawing this fight scene you've written as soon as I have the energy for something complicated. For now, I only offer a lil flashback and Gaara being the New Teacher lol
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They are being so polite for introductions lol
Close up and transcriptions under the cut
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Sports Festival:
-Lee loses to Gaara and is unable to join the hero program- flunks out of general studies- gets license from different school (Lee is quirkless)
-Rumors that Gaara is definitely going to be a villain- seen as a nepo baby- Father is a business man with ties to hero corruption/working with villains
Years Later @UA
-New Teacher Gaara- Reformed attitude+ therapy- wants to fix hero corruption from inside
-Established Teacher Lee- explaining to his students how his wraps are reinforced to withstand his full punches- thanks support!
G: "Sorry for almost killing you." (thinking: Tall, cute, strong.. Wonder if he hates me now)
L: "Oh! It is all in the past! You are forgiven! Please let me know if you need help with anything! I look forward to working with you!" (Thinking: omg he's so cool now! He's barely even scary! Its been so long! Maybe he'll spar with me! So pretty..)
G: "Likewise."
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toxicanonymity · 1 day ago
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get to know people
ty for the tags @milla-frenchy, @sunshineispunk, @iamasaddie, @tateypots 💛. I'm tagging you 🫵 and no pressure tagging 10 of you: @dark-scape @quaritchscupquake @whateverloomis @megangovier @xdaddysprincessxx @covetyou @romanarose @aurorawritestoescape @bitchesuntitled @noxturnalnymph sorry if you already did it.
I feel kinda vulnerable (and yet boring at the same time) talking about myself, but one of my goals is to let people know me as more of a person. 🩷
what's the origin of your blog title?: I have a taste for toxic characters, and i was hastily picking a url that would give me more anonymity. this old buzzword floated into my head from 15 yrs ago--I get a kick out of buzzwords that fizzle out so fast they become associated with a very specific point in time. I got the URL on an impulse and figured I could change it once I thought of the perfect url.... Meanwhile I've had plenty of asks and stalkers who themselves embody the old buzzword's meaning: the way a veil of anonymity emboldens hate and toxicity. I just wanted my veil to write porn, man.
favorite fandoms: impossible to say. too many factors.
OTP(s) + shipname: Michael Myers & Corey Cunningham (cunningmyers). it's a deep and fucked up bond, very dark and sexually charged. (Cue father figure 🎶) In my HCs I don't imagine anything soft, affectionate, or monogamous. it's pining and worship from Corey, dominance and dark energy from Michael and his monster cock. And when they kill together, god I love that.
favorite color: depends. My electronics & cases are blue, and I like to wear soft blues. also brown and olive green to wear. Black & salmon/peach: god tier combo.
favorite game: scrabble, trivia, jigsaw puzzles, nyt spelling bee, W.E.L.D.E.R., crosswords, guessing games. I've been trying to learn how to play poker which is great entertainment for @dark-scape.
song stuck in your head: none but I make up songs for my cat and I was singing one earlier about how sweet and nice she is. update: take me to church by hozier
weirdest habit/trait?: idk, really.
hobbies: lounging, research and learning, going to movies, watching miniseries, walking, writing but mostly in my head, taking elaborate baths, reading. getting organized this yr, minimalizing, donating things I don't need. would like to get back into candle-making and painting or clay sculpting.
if you work, what's your profession? Pass. I do work, though.
if you could have any job you wish what would it be? It would be cool to make a living off writing. But, ideally get rich with minimal effort and then financially support an animal sanctuary so I could go chill with the animals whenever I want. also, publicize & investigate missing persons cases that don't get enough attention.
something you're good at: finding four leaf clovers. Cobbling together cosplay from thrift store finds. having ideas. character development & world building.
something you're bad at: socializing, but I want to do better. I'm shy to begin with and some of my experiences here haven't helped. But I promise I don't bite. I'm also bad at staying focused, keeping an uncluttered mind, second-guessing my story plans and not ending them.
something you love: having a pet. I feel so lucky to have a (not so) little furball who enjoys my company and has a personality and lets me take care of her.
something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: not usually super talkative. hmm. predictions about the year ahead - love to hear peoples' thoughts on this (sports, pop culture, archaeology, food & makeup trends, etc.). unsolved mysteries.
something you hate: I don't wanna get anyone worked up with a rant so I'm just gonna say canned spinach. Haven't had it since childhood but I can still taste it
something you collect: I'm not sure I collect anything. I keep a lot of greeting cards received with photos.
something you forget: what I came in the room for, why I opened the app, just about anything.
what's your love language?: little gestures (gifts/acts of service), praise
favorite movie/show: here's my letterboxd
favorite food: fresh pasta w/ olive oil and fresh parmesan
favorite animal: too many to list
what were you like as a child? pensive, curious, loved the circus and Halloween. my mom likes to tell the story of when I was 18 months old and an old friend of hers came to meet me and I explained what a parallelagram was and it freaked her out.
favorite subject(s) at school? English and Spanish
least favorite subject? anything that was straight memorization. But I wish I tried harder.
what's your best character trait? I care about people
what's your worst character trait? easily distracted and forgetful, can be slow to respond, recovering perfectionist
if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? That I had to do any work at all
if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? a big, hot guy who captures me but won't kill me if I escape to come back to this timeline.
recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!):
hounds of hell by @aurorawritestoescape and @milla-frenchy 🐨🙏
some more favorites
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trans-leek-cookie · 3 months ago
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listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.
The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.
To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.
If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take
Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"
Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.
I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.
And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).
Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)
Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?
Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.
It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware
Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#Suicide ment#SA ment#Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy#if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words#Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like#Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing#That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive#Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it#And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't#Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him#That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it#Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know#Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it#I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe#But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear#But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively#Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping#The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya#When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy#But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do#Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Boy King Seb :D
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#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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rohirric-hunter · 2 months ago
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My throaaaat hurts
#would have called out of work this morning but time off blackout because busy season#i can still miss work but i cant use vacation to cover it#and its a rent paycheck#and rent is. 100% of my rent paycheck. so. cant miss any pay on rent paychecks. not an option#i thought i had a fever all day because i would alternate between chills and getting super hot#like need to take off my shirt hot#but i couldnt find my thermometer#swung by the grocery store to buy a new one on the way home and it tells me im 94 degrees#sure jan#hopefully the act of having purchased a new one will make the old one turn up#i also tried to pick up caraway seed and lemon zest for caraway seed cake but the grocery store doesnt sell dried lemon peel anymore?#like at all?#and the only caraway seed option is gourmet organic and $10 for a 2oz jar#i would use a third of the jar for one batch#for reference the old brand that i bought i would use the whole jar and it cost $1.25#so uuuuuuh yeah im not paying that#especially since i looked it up and i can order mccormick caraway seed by the pound for less per oz than i was paying before lmfao#they also made it so that fennel seed is only available in the gourmet organic brand -- $8 for a 1.7oz jar#im not paying that either thats highway robbery prices#i might as well just buy the fancy italian sausage#which is why i started buying fennel seed in the first place. to add to ground pork to make it taste like italian sausage#i bet i can find a better option for that from a known company online too#i dont know what they were thinking doing away with the other brand#it was a local company and it offered lots of options at reasonable prices#now theyve got like. the most basic assortment#oregano. basil. cumin. cinnamon. thyme. rosemary. garlic powder#just as i was starting to experiment with more interesting spices too
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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago
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I should do more things like I tag my tumblr posts tbh.
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asinglesock · 5 months ago
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just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.
#a sock speaks#local construction#fundamentally I lack the confidence needed to be a writer or a teacher#on the one hand I can't brazen my way out of this by pretending to be confident. I need to actually have the knowledge and skills I claim.#on the other hand I can't just say I'll be confident once I have more knowledge and experience. I have a master's degree!#I want to get more school but more school on its own will not fix this#I've let opportunities pass by because I was depressed. I didn't see how I could be enough for them.#or I was too tired (because I was depressed)#but sometimes it's bc I'm not sure if trying would make things better or worse (that one's on the OCD more than depression)#it makes sense that I lack confidence because of inexperience. but I can only gain experience by going for it. doing things badly is good.#it makes sense that I'm scared to face criticism. I've faced my whole community against me.#I've been stuck at someone's house debating scripture for hours with a migraine and no food. I think that was mildly traumatic for me.#but in most cases I am physically safe and the physical fear is irrational. I can work on this with some gentle exposure therapy.#but I need to bring together the effort to organize my thoughts and the bravado to hold my ground in an argument#and I can only build up this confidence with practice. I need to write. I need to do public speaking.#I'd need a platform for speaking (I'd hate to do a podcast or vlog but it'd be good for me)#but I should write! why am I not writing more? I need to write. writing is the way forward#several years ago I was in such deep despair with life that in order to survive I told myself#that I just had to survive. I didn't have to achieve anything or prove myself in any way as long as I stayed alive#and I went to grad school in Georgia not because I saw a path to a career in biblical studies but because school made me want to be alive#(extremely bizarre case of grad school not being the problem. I know.)#I know I missed a lot of benefits I could've had if I'd been mentally healthy when I went. but it's okay because it kept me going#I can go back to school or not go back. do biblical studies or do something else. I don't have big expectations for myself#but as my mental health improves it occurs to me that I COULD do more if only I believed it was worth the effort#I don't need to fear failure when the alternative was not even attempting it#I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.#I'm thinking I might start a newsletter or blog or something. some Bible stuff and some church/social commentary. just kind of open ended.
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barley-st-band · 8 months ago
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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floral-hex · 1 year ago
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Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.
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lol it’s underwater 🐠
#ugggghhhhh so sad#like genuinely I think my therapist rocks#he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me#I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy#I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks#between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday#I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot#and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say#I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden#and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting#I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕#I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately#I don’t know what I’m going to do#I have to believe it’ll get better#because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point?#also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs.#I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing#and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top…#now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm….#I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh#but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is.#sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning#I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad#but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this#okay be safe#goodbye forever#text
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cluescorner · 11 months ago
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Started crying over the Batman Beyond Animated Movie concept art. I am so normal.
#do they want my left or right kidney? they can have that one and my appendix as I don't need those to survive#I'm saving my uterus for Silksong if it needs more funding. I'm not gonna use it so might as well.#/j#about selling my organs not about crying over Batman Beyond Animated Movie#I think a Batman Beyond Animated Movie could fix me. Or make me even more autistic about it. probably both.#Batman Beyond is what got me into Batman. it was the only Batman related thing my library had and I thought it looked cool#so I would just watch Batman Beyond for like 5 hours minimum every day during my surgery recovery#so if you're wondering why I am like this...that's why. Batman Beyond did it. it's still my comfort media and i always go back to it#THAT ONE IMAGE OF INQUE CHASING TERRY?? OH MY GOD IT'S SO GORGEOUS#oh my god I am so ordinary and neurotypical#THE FUCKING PRODUCTION DESIGN GUY ON SPIDERVERSE POSTED THEM??#sav eme Batman Beyond Animated Movie#it will fix me I promise#if it is made I will forgive Bruce Timm for his weird thing for Batman x Batgirl.#SPIDERVERSE OF BATMAN MOVIES?? OH MY GOD#Derek Powers on my movie screen#THE SHIT THEY COULD DO WITH SHRIEK??? HOLY FUCK#I hope to god they still have the cold open on old-man Batman (world-weary and brittle-boned) almost shooting somebody in a panic#because THAT is the only compelling reason I have ever seen for Bruce leaving behind the mantle#I love content where its like 'oh when he gets older he becomes the Alfred to a new Batman' or 'he'll retire because Gotham will be better'#but I'll be honest. I do not think Bruce is capable of retirement. I do not think he would ever hang up the mantle willingly#unless he almost became the very kind of person who got his parents killed: a gun-wielding coward. the pain in his eyes.#I could see that. Bruce realizing that he is incapable of being Batman. That he will do more harm for Gotham than good.#if they don't want it to be the opener that's fine. but I want that damn scene.#ajdfl;dksajfl;kjdsfl;kadjskl;fjds Terry my friend Terry on my movie screen#I am going to explode
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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gonna delete this later bc i know it’s unproductive to screenshot / namedrop and i actually am thinking the best approach would just be to privately share this thought w the dev who posted this in a possibly futile attempt to effectively advocate for the change i want to see (#worktag2 lol). but im workshopping it here w my beloved mutuals first as i always do which is kinda shooting myself in the foot given that the devs can probably see that but whatever. my thought is like… i get it. i really do. i get that this place needs to stay afloat and some of that is gonna involve sacrifice or something from everyone involved. but… why would you try to snuff out the things that make this place what it is and just make it like all the other places. why would you not even take into account how the changes are going to impact EXISTING users who are loyal even if they don’t pay. people aren’t going to come to tumblr for more tiktok and instagram. they’re going to come here for tumblr. for the anonymity and the customization and whatever. so like i just don’t get it. why is the solution to this problem to experiment with changes **that existing users won’t like** and not to listen to what existing users want and do more of it bc other ppl likely will want that too.
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naggingatlas · 2 years ago
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i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.
#sprksplrs#gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to#even surface. at least in my interpretation of him. its hilarious to think abt him getting. just a tad insecure abt fark's status as#a real like. superhero basically. just for a second in the far back of his head. oh i want to be as cool as him. im not good enough#tho again in my characterization he only wants to do that to be able to love himself. i first got this thought when ruminating on#oh god. what kinda games he n fark like to play respectively? and said 'if he ever does pick up hardmode or a challenge level#he will only do that to one up himself and himself only.' he only proves stuff to himself. he only cares about himself.#and the things that do the most mental damage to him are all scenarios in which his self is attacked.#in which his agency is taken his independence. losing a job to someone something that copies him and does it better than him#something that even copies a really dear object to him thats been with him throughout the years - his jester hat#an attack on individuality. and then being merged into the sim. idk. the yaoi moments when he does work together w fark become even more#potent. this way? and. it contrasts really well with how selfless (at some point in his life very literally) fark is. and how confident in#his self. he turns out to be in the end. as micah said 'how he moves with so much more fluidity in his organic body#the body he created himself because he's no longer afraid of it being fake'. citing that as the bible but yea kinda.#i think spark grew up quite ostracized maybe even self-ostracized and really needs a distinction between himself and everyone else#to be better than everyone else. there is some personality disorder shit happening under that piss yellow scalp.#and he fucking loses it when the events around him hammer in that the facade he builds for mostly again himself is. yknow. untrue. fake.#idk thoughts. i love exploring the antisocial aspect in fictional personas with how shipshipship focused fandoms and 'analysis'#in them is it's not something i see all that much. seems like only people whove experienced it ever bring up that topic.#is it so uncomfortable for others? who knows. ramble over
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