#it just sends me every time

[vanwizard]

forcing everyone to watch my favorite itysl sketch it kills me every time alkjdlfkjadsf

(commercial music begins)

Narrator: Dog doors can be a problem. Your dog can get out, but other things can get in. The Darmine Doggy Door brings you the newest high-tech doggy door from Darmine Devices. These doors are fully automatic, and activated by a digital chip in your dog’s collar! You’re not gonna get varmint, you’re not gonna get intruders, and you’re definitely not gonna get this thing!

(creature demonically squeals)

Narrator: ��‘Cause I saw that thing. That thing came in here while I was on the couch. 

(sinister music plays, more demonic squealing) 

Neighbor: It’s a pig!

Narrator: …What the FUCK!? …WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!? 

(commercial music resumes) 

Narrator: My next door neighbor had put a Richard Nixon mask on a pig and had it go through my doggy door ‘cause we’ve been arguing over a property line!

(trampoline bouncing sounds, narrator in flashback yelling: Get it off my bushes!)

Narrator: He was trying to call me a liar and a thief like Nixon and a pig – 

Neighbor: You’re a PIG!

Narrator: – but I didn’t know what the fuck was happening ‘cause I’ve barely been sleeping since my wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding! HE MUST’VE FLIPPED MY WIFE EIGHT TIIIIIMES! And it reeeally bothered me. When you can’t sleep and you see that thing –

(pig squeal) 

Narrator: – you’re not just right away like ‘that’s a pig with a mask,’ you’re like ‘THAT’S GONNA KILL ME! THAT’S REAL! THAT LIVES WITH US ON EARTH!’ 

(pig squeals again) 

Narrator: I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET EATEN!!! I’m not a stupid fucking idiot, I know it was just a pig, but for fifty seconds it felt really real. And when you think you’re gonna get eaten and your first thought is… great! I don’t have to go to work tomorrow! You’re relieved you don’t have to go to work ‘cause you thought you were gonna get eaten!? What the fuck is this world? What’ve they done to us? WHAT’D THEY DO TO US!?!? 

(pig squealing and destroying coffee table) 

Narrator: That was the most consequential day of my life because now I know I don’t like my work. THE DARMINE DOGGY DOOR! HAPPY PET – PEACE O’ MIND! Anything can happen in this world, we really know very little! My life is nothing I thought it should be and everything I was worried it would become because for fifty seconds I thought there was monsters on the world.

[atalana]

the curse of adhd:

i will remember with absolute clarity, when the thought strikes me that i have a text to send someone, that this is the fourth time in three days i've attempted to send this specific text

i will forget, in the time it takes me to pick up my phone, that i picked it up intending to send a text

[egophiliac]

was this anyone else's first thought, or

[separatist-apologist]

Genuinely, and I mean this kindly, but learning to recognize bait and not engaging with it will change your fandom experience.

[madspeed]

GO MY PSYONIC WARRIOR

[apollos-boyfriend]

my favorite genre of gif is cubitos fucking beefing it

try and name something funnier than these. you literally can’t

[hinamie]

i mean he's got all the outfits now might as well show them off

bonus:

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[lil-lemon-snails]

decided to draw some of your guys' tags from my harlequin sun and moon post!!! These guys are so much fun and you're all so funny >w<

[itsnotmourn]

OH MY GOD ITS CARMEN AND RICHARD

[emry-stars-art]

@vivireshar they kiss 🤲

[captainyaps]

Socialising is difficult why can’t I just yell out my lineage from across the battlefield and invoke the ancient laws of Xenia to my fellow enemy Trojan resulting in a friendly unequal trade and a bro hug

[casualavocados]

#he doesn't want to fight with you ai di, he wants to Kiss🙄💘🥺

Nat Chen as CHEN YI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[pansyfemme]

mmm but. i miss pansyfemme as a url already. but im lowkey really tired of people sending me asks questioning terminology i have explained dozens of times in the past so ive been. stepping away a bit from the term femme- not because i dont identify with it anymore. just that this blog’s gotten a bit of attention lately, and while a lot of the circles ive always run in tend to know the history of the term femme is not one exclusive to one gender or identity, people seeing my posts on my dash send me a lot of asks about it in heavily varying levels of politeness. and while i have explained it with sources and everything in the past,, i kind of. hate doing that all the time and despite having a faq people still. dont read it. so i kinda. uh. more so just. dont feel like justifying myself ten times a day and i also. dont like ignoring the asks so.. it will be definitly a term i will still use but kind of dont want in my username anymore. does that make any sense.

[liloinkoink]

heard today on stream Martyn was showing off the lantern he’s been carrying around on MCCI again and i just want to know does he know? he’s reblogged fanart of himself and a lantern since week one of my AU existing and i just want to know Does He Know? does he know what he is doing to me specifically. Martyn ITLW if you see this post do you know what Lamplight AU is. please. you can read it it’s fine i don’t care i just want to know

[turtleblogatlast]

Fun little silly thought I had about the Lair Games and specifically Leo deliberately losing is all the reasons he could have for doing so.

My favorite headcanon for his main motivation is that Splinter wasn’t proud of him anymore.

I imagine that, in the beginning, winning the Lair Games was Leo’s opportunity to shine. He wasn’t artistic or the baby of the family like Mikey, wasn’t a tech genius who created amazing inventions like Donnie, wasn’t the eldest who was insanely strong and dependable like Raph. So he had to shine somewhere else- anywhere else- and what better way to get attention than to be a winner? A champion?

And then he won too much. And it wasn’t special anymore. He got too big headed, too cocky, he knew this was his element and he ran with it.

Splinter’s words of congratulations slowly petered out. Suddenly, there was no real reason to win.

Winning feels empty when the only one cheering you on is yourself.

So- Leo schemed. And he’s a great schemer, fooling his whole family (and Donnie did deserve a win- people were way happier when he won.)

He even gave up his prized possession! His room!

Though he knows his brothers probably think it’s a bad prize. A terrible one, even.

Leo doesn’t sleep much as is, though. So Dad’s snores were more comforting than anything. It was reassuring to hear him so clearly alive and close by.

Even if the distance between them was larger than Leo’d like.

He’d just have to find something else, something more to show his dad that Leo was someone to trust, to be proud of, to love.

He gets his chance soon after, when he needs to pull off a plan against Big Mama at his dad’s side. Leo can only hope this victory is one that has a lasting effect when his father looks at him with pride once more.

Victory, for Leo, is a pretty loaded term.