#it just like makes me sad bc i’m like i want that but i’ll likely never have it
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No one is asking you to like cops IRL, not even the show. If you look at Arcane and what you see is copaganda, if you look at Cait and only see PoLiCe OfFiCeR and not the character, the problem is YOU.
1. I never said anyone asked me to like cops irl
2. I know that’s what I said.
#I was gonna make a long drawn out response specifying or whatever but the post is very self explanatory#idk if I see it as a#‘problem’ but like yeah that’s literally the point of the post#I already have to extend Grace sympathy and understanding to police irl being black in the south#I’m not doing it for a show I like for a character I tolerate#like the surface level analysis I do of Caitlyn has her as a well written character#I don’t care to delve any deeper than that unless it’s about how she interacts with or shapes characters I like lmao#And the characters I like are doing thing that I wish I could see more of irl#I think I made a post a while ago about how fandom as escapism for me is difficult bc the way I interact w/ media is shaped by my real life#and since fandom is majority white they just don’t get it and refuse to#this might be part of that#like idc about the redeemed bigot there’s enough of those in my spaces already#I’m sure they’re very sad and important and educational for you but I don’t care#one more time for anon I ME THATS JUST ME ALONE NOBODY ELSE JUST ME! I don’t care#uhm in conclusion cry about it?#WAAAAIT#I also never said arcane was copaganda#I quite literally specified my issues are w/ fans who can’t spare a single thought for a black characters that’s not ‘he’s so obsessed with#sad white girl 5’#again idc enough to think about the enforcers beyond what they mean to ekko or Mel#depends on s2 but so far#well now I’m thinking do I think it’s copaganda?#from a character standpoint maybe not but like any show that’s wants me to believe or root for a grown ass woman who didn’t realize cops#were bad. like there’s a lot of y’all irl but it’s a show yknow?#they diiid have that Caitlyn ekko fight and ekko was clearly correct but again the results of that are more fandom bias#um idk I’ll have to rewatch maybe! but I#did nooot say arcane was copaganda in the og post like I said I quite literally spoke on how I felt#oh but the way vi broke up that fight#hem hawwwww#conclusion vi wants to be copaganda for coochie but her common sense stops her from being completely stupid 💔 sad 💔
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#okay. observations about my mental state.#well first off it is bad#second off i feel like every emotion i feel is it’s own piece of me#with no overlap#when I am miserable that’s all i am and it feels like there’s no respite from that#when i’m happy i’m manic and overly energetic and i cling to it bc i know eventually i’ll be back to being sad and depressed#and recent update. the anger patch#maybe i want to believe these are all different personas or whatever (NOT SAYING THAT!! being so clear right now i do not believe that#it’s just what the experience feels like.)#but yeah i don’t want to think that the person i am when i’m angry is me#because it’s such an awful bitter feeling#and like i know i’m allowed to be mad#and given the shit i’m putting up with i mean who wouldn’t be#but it makes me so fucking unpleasant and i can FEEL that#just that directionless anger#and i feel like i can only condemn it after the fact in the moment I feel powerless to stop those feelings#uggghhh#anyways art imitates life or whatever
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Just finished Fool Night vol 7 (chap 63) and clutching my head. Mayhaps I shall never be the same. Oh Mukuru Izumi the villain that you are… "What’s back teryas? Veer usses?" "What’s oxygen? Is it like air?" "What’s that? What are you holding?" "Do you think I can live happily one day?" Just shoot me mysterious masked guy it’ll hurt less idc anymore just do it. This is my csm Aki I feel the tragedy in my bones even more here
It’s the cycle of revenge right, that goes on and on until there’s no one left to avenge the last one murdered— And the thought that there’d be no one that would remember or care or want or try to avenge Mukuru is the fucking saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Trying to be as vague as possible to avoid spoilers but man. Fool Night, the manga that’ll make me cry over trees… Like so far I’ve only cried once and it was during the first umm trees field scene right, because it was simply too fucking real yeah that’d happen yeah, but my god. They’re not just trees they’re lives and they’re not just lives they’re humans and more but does it matter and what are souls???? What are feelings????? What is communication?????? "Oh sure I’ll bring you to Shiika." then that. evil.
…….. And also today I started NegaPosi Angler!!! Great and comfy so far very looking forward to watching it every week. For anyone who didn’t know yet I have a weird ultra fixation on fishing in media in general, Tsuritama and River King are two of my fave things, sooo this is perfect for me lol, came around just at the right time too. Big recommend. Surprisingly topical since both NegaPosi and Fool Night deal with poverty hm. It’s csm Denji meets FN Toshiro except this guy fixes his life through fishing. Bless.
2 works that make me say "I want to live!!" in very different ways! 😀 Fool Night’s out in english through Viz what are you doing here go check it out
#Fool night#kasumi yasuda#A renewed sense of gratitude for the education system flawed as it may be#I’LL FORGIVE YOUUU MUKURU I’LL FORGIVE YOUUUUU…… 😭😭#Apparently Viz isn’t doing a greaaat job…… thankfully the french manga translation industry is on my side so#Holding my head and staring at the floor for 2 mins#If the world moves on from Mukuru’s death just reset it actually just make a do-over just blow it up tbh#I want to make fanart…….. i’m……….. mukuru……………………………… and SHIIKAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA#That’s bacterias and viruses btw idk how clear that was lmao. I tried bc again i read that in french so the mispellings were different#-remembers it again- aughhhaughhhhhhh punching the floor……#Like the protagonists dying would be less sad than Mukuru dying and that stopping there tbh not even joking. I’m?????? I need a hot sec#No one left to avenge Mukuru :((((((#That doctor lady btw i stan in my heart Mukuru Shiika and doctor lady are living together surviving trudging along#Like I can’t overstate how much this hit I took like 2 mins to recover from every other page and pace myself if this was some episode#that I wouldn’t have put on pause I’d have been a sobbing mess on the floor prob ngl#I’ve been on an horror binge since last month and I’ve watched stuff like The Coffee Table or The Devil’s Bath and even Speak No Evil right#… ok well maybe not more intense than speak no evil but this made me way more emotional than the coffee table tbh#Like my god. I need to breathe 🚬#The candies. The snow. Life :(#Cw organs
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Somebody please shoot me with a real gun if I don’t work on my damn speech tomorrow
#it’s literally due Friday and then I present like second on Monday. I need to do it before Thursday night bc I KNOW I’m gonna be hungover as#shit on Friday. bc I know myself. and I don’t want to have to do it hungover bc then I’ll kill myself#so I have to finish it by Wednesday. which I can do if I like. do it. I just don’t want to. and idk why#like I started this with like. multiple times just googling for hours but now i just get deeply sad when I think about it instead of angry.#but I’ve done too much to pivot topics now so. we’ll fucking see#maybe I’ll go to the coffee shop near campus after class tomorrow to trick myself into needing to focus on class and not bullshit.#comms class from hell#<- this isn’t even the profs fault I didn’t have to choose a topic that would make me sad it just is for this class
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Google how to stop letting loneliness consume me
#meows#bored into sad into depressed into lonely into spiraling about being unwanted which isn’t even true#but being afraid to be close to people bc I get intrusive thoughts that that’s like. cheating or something#being unable to get fulfillment out of activities like art and video games and haven’t for years#not even having a shitty job anymore to provide at least some social interaction#not that that was enough to stop me from feeling like this#I never have energy for anything anymore I’m so tired of being alive#reaching out takes energy drawing takes energy going outside requires energy and a plan on where to go once outside#exercising just makes me aware of how fat I am and makes me worse#fucking. what is there to do who is there to talk to#I’m so tired and irritated that I don’t even rlly want to talk to anyone but also I feel like if I don’t get attention I’ll simply expire
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aw kathi im so sorry this happened to you :( I can understand that some workplaces are just so toxic and there will always be coworkers and even bosses who are just jealous lmao😭 but I’m so confident that you will be able to find something else if you want to quit. You’re very smart, and you’re such a sweet girl. I hope that you know that and that you don’t let those little bitches make you think otherwise 💗 this also might sound a bit cliché, but almost being at your 30s doesn’t mean it’s over! You’re just getting started, and I can’t wait to see what great things life has in store for you❤️❤️❤️ love you so much Kathi💗 I hope you feel better, I’ll always be here ^__^💗
gabby my sweetheart!!! 💓💓💓 you can’t even imagine how much this message means to me especially coming from you!! 🥹💘 i really think you’re my longest mutual on here since most of my long time mutuals have sadly already deactivated 🥲 so to read these words of support from you really means the world to me!!! 🥺💖 i appreciate it so, sooooooo much thank you endlessly angel!!! 🫂 your message really cheered me up and gave me so much reassurance. i just thought i’d have my life figured out by now but it rather feels like i have nothing figured out at all. but you’re right, my life is only beginning not ending i have so much more to look forward to. and i can’t let this job and these phonies rob me of my happiness‼️sending you a million kisses and hugs my love!! really, truly, wholeheartedly thank you soooooooo much for your support and encouragement!! i genuinely appreciate and cherish it!! i wish you only the very best at all times and hope you’re doing well 🫶🏻💞🪽🪷💫🍓🧸💗🎐✨
#i’m honestly so touched by your words gabby… 🥹💘#thank you for reaching out and caring and for your kindness 🫶🏻#a friend of mine also mentioned that one coworker in particular might be jealous of me#bc i remember distinctly when i graduated as the best of my class everyone congratulated me and she was just like oh wow#we also speculated whether it’s their goal that i quit but idc bc i’ve been wanting to quit for months but this situation definitely#solidified my choice that i absolutely do not and cannot stay there#the whole application process just really terrifies me and not knowing how soon i can leave#but i guess i’ll have to do it scared bc i want to get out of there asap!!#the mere thought of stepping foot into that work place and seeing their faces makes me sick#but i have to take the high road bc i know in my heart that i tried my best#replies#gabby 🎀#when sad#keep forever 🗝️
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picked up journaling like a month ago and I’ve kept it up pretty consistently and damn. it’s so nice to have a place I can just write about my week and how i feel and all that. it’s like posting tumblr posts like these but just to myself and also way longer
#jaytalking#also i bought a planner and am actually using it. which is also very nice#bc somehow in high school I just canvas calendared and steel trap of a mind-ed my way through homework#but now i’m like yeah i’ll keep a planner. and it’s very nice :-)#i think i’m feeling nice tonight bc i watched cari’s recent video and like. her stuff is really nice and makes me just slow down and kinda#think about my life and how I want it to be. esp cause i got kinda homesick/just sad this afternoon#hashtag cloudy and didn’t go walking and listened to the disco ost#but yeah back to the topic journaling is nice i definitely recommend it#broo this reminds me one of my coworkers asks me like ‘got any weekend plans’ like no. i do homework and rest#i’m truly a little bit boring lmao. not a bad thing i just like chilling
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The struggle of talking about your favorite fictional characters depth because no one in the tiny ass fandom that exists gives him the proper analysis he deserves and you rotated him enough in your head that you have detailed opinions about his character arc but making essays are REALLY fucking hard so the only thing you can shove to peoples faces is random incoherent rambles about one very specific scene or just pointing to your ao3 where you’ve written in depth character fics about him but aren’t canon complaint whatsoever since it’s “what if he actually addressed his trauma, got help and it lead to a happier ending for him than canon?” which feels like it contradicts aspect of why him getting doomed by the narrative is so appealing to begin with but you cry like a bitch remembering what happens to him that you need to cope like every other fandom.
…My conclusion is I fucking hate Ryoma Nagare for ruining my life. /s
#meg text#getter robo#ryoma nagare#me and my friends are likely gonna finish new tomorrow and mentally I’m preparing to weep#nobody but me is gonna be emotional about the ending bc it’s not that sad but GRAAAH#I’m not fucking normal about this idiot#I want to go into the void and recuse him myself then BEAT HIM UP for making me feel this way#<I already brought him back in fic but shhhh that’s sadly not canon#I really wanna write essays about him though I just can’t WORD#I struggle to write fucking fics but something where I have to be clear to argue a subject??? Guess I’ll die#somebody come down from the heavens and make getter essays that wasn’t that one retrospective PLEASE#NEW NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT MORE FFS
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again.#i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this#so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo#i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me#my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning#so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me#i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip#and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to-#-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover#but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries*#it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen#this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it#but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good..#all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel#and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is#i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t#the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’#to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from-#-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!!#it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most#like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them#the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10#and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again#he’s like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head#but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch#because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :)#anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as-#-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate#i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell.#i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight
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sometimes it takes really really paying attention to the lyrics for a song to sink in for me
sometimes what the artist is saying makes me very sad
#the sillies#i wanted to leave it in the tags bc i’m scared but#this is about sex drugs and rock and roll because ow#the way /i/ heard it this time was like calling out the fanbase to an extent#i know there’s some crazy shit that’s gone down with will woods fans#and that a lot of older fans have a lot of feelings about it#honestly i feel real bad because like#he’s been through some shit man and all that extra nonsense likely didn’t help#anyway#it just makes me sad when artists have batshit fans#it ruins it in a way like- man if i was a singer and my fans were fucking crazy i’d wanna quit all the time despite it being something#i really like to do you know?#anyhow i’ll leave you with these lines from the song#/newsfeeds groupies critics analytics/#/and starry-eyed stalkers who demand a man in lipstick/#/and a role model psycho but an echo in their chamber/#especially that second one#like he’s changed#and for the better! for himself!#maybe i’m way off#but there’s another line from a song in icimi that i can’t quite remember the song or line exactly#it’s a little foggy#but something along the lines of:#but im not that guy anymore and i made goddamn sure he’s dead#anyway this is a lot of nonsense#and maybe i’m wrong?#that’s why i didn’t put it in the post haha-
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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when mitski said I know no one will save me im just asking for a kiss and when she said give me one good movie kiss and I’ll be alright and when she said still nobody wants me and when she said I don’t need your pity I just want somebody near me and when she said
#DONT listen to the evil little creature in your head that says listening to the song that makes you sad after a certain time is fine#you WILL. feel sad.#someone get this song out of my god forsaken hands#I know it’s just bc I’m tired and I haven’t been sleeping well so I feel shitty but god#I’m going to be alone forever huh 😁no one want me 😁#Wish I was a person!! Wish I could act like other people!! I will never figure it out!!!#I was supposed to be a pile of leaves but instead I’m something that yearns for love that probably wont ever happen. Lol. Lmao even#sorryyyy for venting again on main. I’ll be funny again tomorrow#no one look at me🙈#ben talks#personal
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only 6 more days for 12th grade to officially finish and my exams to be over. perhaps jaeyunverse comeback with a long fic ????? 😳
#first order of business will be to finish that damn jeno fic#then i will work on one of the valentine’s event fics who’s masterlist i posted Last Year 💀#i will prob make a poll for that bc idk which one to write 😭 i have 4k for the heeseung one but i’m STUCK#i have 4k for the halloween special fic i started in 2021 ummmmm maybe i’ll buckle down on it too#THE ALICE IN BORDERLAND AU???? i have the entire plot but it is going to be So Long i just know it.#i hope i can finish my current wips before any other long fic ideas come to me 😭#i have to finish the stupid headcanon series too what was i thinking when i started it#IM TERRIBLE AT HEADCANONS#fffff i only have a few weeks of peace after boards 😭 i have to start grinding for my other exam in june once april starts#i hope i can be more active on this account and actually get some writing done bc ngl i have sm plans for the small vacation i’m getting#but i wanna be delusional too 🫡#also i have so many unfinished projects here sometimes i feel like abandoning this account completely#and this place is lowkey dead in terms of activity ngl 💀 i will have try to revive it#but then i remember that i put effort into building this blog so seeing it go to waste would be sad#plus i Really do not want to repost my fics for a third time ppl will call me crazy
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I desperately need to find that one meme chart sb did of what would have happened if Kae got any Vision other than Cryo during Le Confrontation, STAT
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//My greatest source of serotonin#//Literally my fave meme for those two lmao#//Bc just thinking that Kae getting an Anemo Vision would have killed them both makes me damn near cry laugh so hard jfbfb#//Just#Diluc: You BETRAYED me—I’ll kill you!#Anemo!Kaeya: WHAT IF I FUCKEN KILLED US BOTH. WHAT THEN#//I think Hydro!Kaeya in that chart had him killing Luc; which is morbidly funny to me#//That would have been the LAST thing he wanted; he’d be Fucken devastated#//But in the moment blue screen#//The Exact utterly Petrified reaction is in my brain and That’s what makes it funny to me#//Incredibly sad and tragic could-have-been#//But morbidly funny in one of those horror-comedy type ways#//Like that Jake death bit in Evil Dead 2 I think it was#//And a whole slew of Final Destination ones#//Shit cracks me up#//In all seriousness tho; I’m glad it was a lil gift from the Tsaritsa that saved him#//Even if he himself isn’t terribly fond of it#//But fr tho I gotta find that meme again; it makes me so happy#//I prolly need sleep#//Aint been getting much of that lately; even with the break I took#//But that’s not really anything new. What’s really the kicker is Work
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I’m experiencing symptoms
#oh god this is actually messing me up#and like it’s like I’m experiencing both depression and mania at the same time it freaking me out#or like I went from one to the other super fucking fast#like I’m feeling like I hate myself. which isn’t new but it’s like. I know I don’t really. so why do I feel like I do#and like im thinking it’s because of the fact that im upset about my body pillow getting damaged#but like I know I shouldn’t be upset about it bc like there is an easy fix to it#but like im super fucking sad about it. like genuinely I feel it in my veins and heart and brain it’s making me dizzy#and like I know these feelings are heightened bc it’s like 2 am#but man I was feeling like this almost all day!#and like i feel like im to self aware about my emotions#like I think that if I know why im feeling some way and know that I’ll feel better later then I shouldn’t be feeling it at all#like I feel stupid for feeling that way#I feel stupid for being so upset over a body pillow!#but l think there’s probably more to it#I feel like I need a diagnosis but also I don’t want to get one bc I’m scared#so I’ll just never get the support I need and I’ll sit here forever#shit man I’m not feeling good#im going to bed
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