#it just felt weird referring to him in a friendly manner

[prettyboykatsuki]

call it quits or call it destiny | h. umemiya.

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader(she/her pronouns, referred to as a girl, gets dressed up by tsubaki and kotoha), reader gets their hair braided (no desc of texture) and puts on makeup, lore heavy reader backstory + personality, deliquent!reader, gap moe, best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, themes of insecurity, mutual pining,the use of she/her for tsubaki, jealousy, confessions, loss of virginity, creampies / unprotected sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering, 18+

✮ wc ; 13.9k (dont. don't say anything)

✮ a/n ; me when i completely lose my mind because i have a weekend off. whats wrong with me.

anyways. there's no major triggers for this but be forewarned reader is meant to be very rag-tag deliquent type. she has a strong personality and generally is not feminine. she is like a mangy street cat a bit. also if u want u should listen to easily by bruno major while reading.

✮ synopsis ; you've been quietly pining for umemiya for a little over ten years with no plans of confessing.

you did not have a plan for what you would do if umemiya confessed to you first.

Once a day, everyday - Umemiya will come into your store, pause, smile, and confess his love to you before going off on his own.  

And once a day, everyday, you reject this confession with a soft huff  telling him to quit being stupid before shooing him away.  

It's become a ritual. A fixture in your daily routine that you're not allowed to ignore despite how hard you're trying.  

He's been doing it for three months, more or less. 

His reason for confessing everyday? Because he’s waiting on the day you confess back, of course. Which you've refused to do for the last few months and will continue to refuse for as long as you’ve got.  

It's not because you don't like him, alright? 

You've known Umemiya since middle school and you've liked him for about the same time. One of the core memories of your childhood is the day you met him, crying while sitting on a  swing-set, after what felt like the worst day of your life. 

( On the day you run away from home, you seriously consider not going back.  

You don’t really know how long you sit there. People walk by but most of them move on quickly. It’s mid-day before anyone bothers to stop and ask you something.  

 "I've never seen you around  before.” A strange looking boy approaches, friendly and unassuming but not entirely cheerful “Did you just move here?"  

You keep quiet, closing your eyes and hoping your lack of response is enough to push him away. Your hope fizzles out when you hear the swing creak as he sits besides you. 

"I'm Umemiya Hajime. I live close by." His voice is airy and causal. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.”  

"Fuck off," You reply bluntly, frowning. “I don’t need sympathy. Leave me the hell alone.”  

He pauses before pushing himself slightly forward to barely swing.  

“I couldn’t leave you alone while you’re sad,” He voices willfully. "It might make you feel better to talk about it." 

In disbelief at his response, you finally look up and asses him properly. It doesn’t do much to change your initial unfavorable impression. White hair, blue eyes and a little taller than you. You’re definitely about the same age. All of that to say, there’s something weird about him that you can’t quite place.  

Despite his manner and way of speaking though, you don’t actually think he’s that weak which makes his whole aura even more unnerving to you. His attempt at being non-threatening doesn’t work for him. He’s being a real try-hard about trying to make you comfortable… 

Either way, he’s got an air about him that puts you on the defensive.  

 Talking to someone about it had never been much of any option, and somehow it pisses you off that he’s being so brazen about it.  

Maybe if you tell him about, he’ll stop prying into your business. Or maybe you’re just looking for excuses to let off steam. 

You don't care anymore. You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.  

"I don't live here and I didn’t move. I ran away." You reply.  

He keeps looking at you, curious, inquisitive and sympathetic.  

"Why?"   

"I broke a girls nose." You scowl. The words rise up in your throat like bile. Make you feel cornered. The wounds too fresh. "It—she bullied me for years for one. And I never fought back, it was all petty bullshit anyway and I didn't like getting calls home. I didn't care about that but she—it wasn't for nothing. She was causing trouble for Sensei."  

Umemiya keeps to himself, humming in response to your troubles. Your voice breaks on your next sentence, chest tightening.  

"It doesn't matter what she does to me but—" Your hands ball up at your first. Your throat feels thick, eyes suddenly watering as your chest throbs . "Anyway, I couldn’t let it go like normal."  

He hums. "So you hit her?" 

You shake your head, sniffling. "Not at first. Just told her to shut up. Said that she didn't know what she was talking about. She hit me first..." You screw your eyes shut, sighing. "...said she was gonna spread rumors about him just trying to get under my skin and be malicious,” You lean back slightly and look up towards the gray sky. “I punched her after that."  

You realize he's looking at your bloodied knuckles, but he isn't making an expression that you can read easily. You don’t remember the last time you spoke to someone like this who wasn’t Tsukimori-sensei.  

"Are you crying because you got in trouble?"  

“Who cares about that?” You sigh “Sensei had to put his job on the line and take responsibility for me,” Your brow furrows in frustration. “He’s the one person I don’t want to cause trouble for,” You grip the iron chains of the swing set with a closed fist and finally admit what you’ve been avoiding to say out loud. “I don’t want him to hate me…”  

The kid besides you smiles  absently at your words. Half-way between listening and recalling something else, it seems like. You can’t help but wonder what the hell his deal is. You barely know him but you’re spilling your guts. 

He speaks after a long while. "I don't think he sees it that way. I think you should try to talk to him about it."  

You make a face, rejecting the idea. "What? No way." 

Umemiya shrugs, smiling - though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.  

"He sounds like he cares about you. If he knew your reasons, there's no way he would hold it against you. And it’s important to share your burdens with people who care for you." You look over and see him smiling somberly at the mulch beneath his shoes before returning back to what you’ve grown to know as his usual self. "Anyways, I think we should be friends. Tell me your name."  

You sniffle again. What a weird guy. Well you say that but 

You still give him your name. 

"What a pretty name," 

When you tell him to shut up again, your new friend Umemiya just laughs.  

And you find you feel just a little bit lighter.)  

That night, Umemiya walked with you to take the last train and told you to come see him again  with good news. 

You aren't sure what compelled you to follow his advice. Maybe because he was the first person who sat down and listened to you about it other than Sensei himself. 

Tsukimori-sensei was your school counselor and the only adult in your entire life that seemed to worry about. You didn't have any friends in middle school and you were a scary looking delinquent girl without a mother and a mostly absent father.  

But Sensei was always incredible gentle to you and incredibly kind. And despite what rumors that girl tried to spread  - he was never anything more than an important mentor.  

It was fucking embarrassing crying in front of him but because you were honest - you got to keep in touch with him. He attended your middle school and high school graduation - supporting you as you started to sort your life out. Became the closest thing you ever really got to a parental figure.  

Over time, you got close with Umemiya and developed strong loyalty to him. You attended an all-girls middle and high school the next town over - totaling one other friend in all six years of your remaining education. Lack of socialization meant that Umemiya somewhat became the very center of your existence. 

It was easy to visit him thanks to parental neglect. You sort of melted into his life. Tsubaki once called you his guard dog as a half-joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Quick to defend, quick to heel, and always happy to see him.  

You, like many people, owe Umemiya a lot. His meddling over the course of ten years gave you reason to push forward. He even encouraged you to try and attend school and not give up on living a half-decent life. 

You've got a never-ending list of short-comings but being with him didn't make you hate yourself. It made you want to be better because you knew Umemiya would accept you for whoever you decided to be.  

So despite your delinquency, you managed to graduate high school. Post-graduation, you attended a vocational culinary school and became a patisserie before moving to Furin for permanent residency. You opened a bakery and supply bread to Kotoha-chans diner.  

You made something of your life mostly 'cause of Umemiya. He's not your only friend anymore but he's still your best. Even though you never really pictured things like dating or romance - in some way it only makes sense that it'd be that meddling, kind-hearted idiot that you end up falling for it.  

Lovesickness aside, you respect Umemiya more than anyone in your personal life.  

He’s stuck around with someone like you this long after all. That means a lot to you.  

Somehow the two of you mesh well despite being totally opposite.  

You decided as soon as you realized it sometime in high school that you'd keep your feelings a secret for the rest of your life. You had a strong resolve in your beliefs about the whole thing which made it easy. You hid 'em so well even Sakura's stupid accurate romance detector didn't uncover them.  

When you picture Umemiya's future - it was easy to picture the kind of woman he would end up with. Another kind-hearted idiot like him, a social butterfly. Someone a little softer.  

In any case it definitely was not you. You didn't need it to be. You've received so much from him already, you never entertained the idea. Plus, Umemiya has dated other people over the years, so in your head there was never any hope to cling onto.  

For all reasons listed above, a requited romance is at the very bottom of your expectations.  

That's why you've been in this fucking conundrum.  

To say it was a complete shock to you when Umemiya openly confessed to you many months ago would be understatement of the goddamn century.  

He confessed right on the last day of Spring, totally out of the blue. 

(It’s a little unusual for Umemiya to call you at this hour. If it were anyone else, you’d be a little upset since you’ve gotta be up around four-am to get prepared for the day.  

It’s him though so you’re particularly tolerant, yawning as you find Umemiya on a familiar swing-set, still wearing your PJ’s.  

"Why am I out here in the middle of the night with you?"  

Your words lack any real malice as you sit down. Umemiya remains totally quiet. It's unusual for him to not immediately go on a tangent upon seeing you.  

"Oi. Earth to Hajime." You frown at him. "Did ya get beat up before coming here and scramble your brain? Give me the popsicle before it melts."  

He looks over at you and chuckles as he hands you the bag from the convenience store. You ignore his odd behavior and open up said popsicle before it melts  - carefully splitting it down the middle and giving him the bigger side before going to town on your own. He takes it from you but doesn't even bring it up to his mouth.  

Weird.  

"Did something... happen? Like seriously happen?" You take a long lick of your iced treat. It's melon flavored, your favorite. "Seeing you frown doesn't feel right. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."  

He cracks a little smile at that. It makes you feel better. He shakes his head.  

"Mm, nothing happened. I just have something I want to tell you."  

You nod in understanding. "'kay. Take your time."  

He blinks, surprised.  

"Hm? Aren't you gonna scold me for wasting your time?"  

"Nah. Whatever it is must be serious if it's making you all introspective or whatever. 's fine. Bring me coffee tomorrow and I'll forgive ya."  

His lip twitches up. "I l really like that about you."  

You feel yourself flush and wave a hand at him. "Ahh, shut up."  

He pauses for a second then shakes his head. "Mm. It's more like I like everything about you, actually."  

You twist your face in confusion. "What are you on about now?"  

"That's what I came here to tell you." Umemiya says after a deep breath. He says it so casually you wonder if you're mishearing him - leaning back to look up at the stars. "I really, really like you. I just felt like I had to tell you that"  

You stare at him in disbelief.  

"Wha—huh?"  

He doesn't even flinch as he repeats it.  

"I like you."  

"No the hell you don't."  

He furrows his brow with a light laugh. "I just told you that I do, silly."  

"But that's—" You don't say the word impossible. You really want too, but you know exactly how he would react if you did. You simply shake your head. "No, you don't." 

"I thought you might respond like this so don't worry but how about you?" He shrugs then looks at you intently. "I thought you might like me too."  

Your eyes go wide. Oh fuck.  

You feel like a deer caught in headlights. You know you should be happy about this, deep down. That'd be the normal response.  

But you just feel complicated as shit instead. Fuck does he mean? Umemiya.... likes you? There's just no way that's true. Not after all of this time. And how the fuck does he know you like him back when you've been keeping it in? 

You can't bring yourself to look him in the face and lie. Your heart rises to your throat as you shakily stand to your feet.  

"Stop...thinking whatever you've been thinking. I'm going home." You reply in complete panic. 

 The minute you say it, you turn on your heel so you don't have to look at his face. You don’t even want to know.  

And before Umemiya can catch you and try to talk it out, you bolt. 

What the fuck was that?)  

For the last few months, you've been avoiding the topic of conversation as much as you humanly can.  

The possibility of Umemiya even just accepting your feelings was already far beyond your imagination, but him returning them? Confessing first? That wasn't even in your realm of possibility.  

Ever since then, you've been losing your mind trying to force your life and train of thought to go back to normal. You’ve done all of the math on it.  

Realistically, you can't ignore him. Your lives are so mixed together it'd be impossible unless you went under protection and changed your name which you briefly considered. You thought of turning him down but you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to actually do it despite how good you are at keeping it in. Either way, your best option logistically is feigning ignorance and trying to keep the whole thing out of your mind entirely which should've been easy.  

Tricking yourself into believing the whole thing was a dream? Lightwork.  

Except. Except.  

Umemiya just won't give up.  

He confesses to you again every single day. Worse, he doesn't care whose around to hear him. No one in your friend group seems even the tiniest bit shocked by it which doesn't help the situation. You can't get used to it, can't get used to him being so fucking cheeky as he stops you midway through normal conversation to tell you he loves you.  

He's persistent to a fault and while you've done well feigning immunity - you can't survive like this.  

You've graduated to tell him to go away and treating the whole thing like some big joke.  

But honestly? 

You're avoiding having a proper conversation about it. Umemiya is especially keen in not letting you forget that. And determined to make you confess.  

But you're not going to to let him sway you.  

You've got principles, after all.  

__  

After you close up shop on Friday, you get dressed to attend a kickback with all of your friends.  

It's a barbecue technically - commemorating the end of summer. Togame is really into grilling and in their weird domestic partnership, Chouji really enjoys hosting. They've done this once or twice a year ever since they started living together.  

Once you've finished cleaning up the store, you take the train to Kotoha's place - mistakenly assuming you'd leave as soon as you got there. However you failed to realize that Tsubaki and Kotoha would be getting ready together.  

You got jumped as soon as you walked through the door - so now you're wearing a different pair of clothes that Tsuabki got for you and waiting for them to finish getting you dressed up so you can leave.  

Tsuabkino is inches from your face while Kotoha braids your hair. You feel itchy and exposed but with both of them here there's no way you're going to get out of wearing it. 

"Can we just go?" You grumble, not enjoying the feeling of being poked and prodded.  

"No," Tsubaki insists, frown making her expression pinch. "You have half an eyelash on. Sit still." 

"He'll be happy to see you dressed up," Kotoha adds, trying to encourage you. You frown and look down.  

"Whatever. I don't care about makin' him happy."  

The both of them pause and stare at you until you fold under the pressure - screwing your eyes shut and making you flush.  

“Such a blatant lie.”  

Tsubaki giggles. “Right?”  

Your face feels hot. "Ahhh, alright already. Shut up."  

"Honest girls are much cuter," Tsubaki coos. You give her a half-assed glare.  

"Don't you like Hajime? Why're you trying to set me up with him still?" You mumble. You always think they’d make a perfect pair.  

"Of course I like him. He's my prince." She smiles at you. “But it’s a little different to how a certain someone loves him. And well, if you knew the way he looked at you…"  

You frown, feeling hot all the way up to your ears as you ball your fists up and look down at your lap. "Whatever." 

"You should stop trying to worm your way out of it," Kotoha adds, much less sweetly. "You know how he is. He couldn't give up on you for ten years like some idiot."  

You blink. "Huh? But ten years would mean -"  

Kotoha braids your hair even tighter making you wince. "I know. You're both stupid like that."  

"Don't be mean, Kotoha-chan. And you, be a little more honest, okay?"  

You sigh deeply. 

"Ain't like anything is gonna happen either way. I already told you both I'm not accepting his confession," 

"Cause you're a huge wuss, yeah we know."  

You elbow Kotoha lightly.  

"Maybe nothing will," Tsubaki hums mischievously.  "But it feels nice to dress up for him, right?"  

You pretend the thought doesn't make your hear flutter.  

Tsubaki does you the kindness of laughing lightly before moving on. 

__  

You arrive to the function an hour later than planned and stick mostly with Kotoha and Tsubaki until half way through the evening.  

Loosening up with a few drinks, the three of you part ways to catch-up with different people. It's not rare you see them, but it's not often everyones schedules allow them to be in the same place.  

Lucky for you, Umemiya does you the courtesy of not confessing during the first half of the night before food comes out.  

(Though you do spit beer in his face after he calls you pretty, which he takes on the chin after cleaning up.)  

After dinner, the function simmers down significantly. People quietly break off into groups and chat to each other into the late night. About that time people split whatever desserts they brought among guests.  

You brought cookies and something specifically for Chouji and Togame as thanks for hosting.  

Towards the end of the night, you find yourself sticking sort of close to Umemiya. Though he's having his own one-on-one conversation with Hiragi while sitting next to you , turned the other way.  

You busy yourself catching up to Suo, Sakura and Nirei - all of whom you consider yourself close to.  

Of them, you're the closest to Nirei which always surprises people. 

The kids a total wimp but he helped you years ago study to graduate so you're a little closer to him than everyone else. He's a great guy though and you hang out alone sometimes too.  

The conversations gone far left at this point in the evening.  

Suo leans back against his chair and looks toward Sakura besides him with a lazy smile.  

"Sakura-chan would make a great wife." 

You snort listening to them bicker. Sakura grows beet red, throwing an empty beer can at Suo's head that he catches gracefully.  

"Go die."  

"What? You're good at domestic work and you have a cute side, Isn't that all you need?"  

"Shut up. I'll kill you."  

As Suo breaks out into laughs, Sugishita comes down from the kitchen just in time to catch the argument. He crinkles his nose up.  

"Oh, Sugishita-kun. 'Sup."  

He nods to your greeting as he leans against the wood railing of the outdoor deck.  

"What the hell are you two talking about?" 

'What? You mean about Sakura being a good wife?" Suo asks. Sugishita crinkles his nose. 

"Don't phrase it so repugnantly but yeah I guess." 

"We were talking about marriage 'cause I was complaining at work."  

"What's happening at work?" 

Nirei sighs as he lays it out again to Sugishita after having given the spiel to the three of you once.  

"One of my superiors at work is a lot older than me and keeps bringing up marriage," Nirei explains woefully. "It's all he talks about. He thinks I'm seeing someone."  

Sugishita frowns. "Eh? What gave him that impression?"  

A good question you hadn't considered asking.  

You raise your brow at Nirei who laughs awkwardly while he holds your gaze.  

"You know that picture of us from highschool? When he came to the cafe at your school festival?"  

You smile spitefully, crinkling your nose in faux distaste. "The one wear we wearing those stupid maid costumes?"  

"Yup. That's the one. It's a good picture of us so I keep it on my desk and he saw it so..."  

"You keep a picture of just the two of you on your desk? No wonder he got that impression.” Suo adds.  

You sense Umemiya suddenly tense which you find weird. He's still talking to Hiragi though when you glance from the corner of your eye. You brush it off.  

Nirei blushes, elbowing him.  

"Shut up. I've got group pictures and stuff too. But he just singled out that one cause you know,"  

You nod in understanding before it dawns on you. Your eyes widen. "Oh, shit? Does that old man think you're dating me?"  

Nirei closes his eyes and sighs. "He won't even let me correct him." 

You pause before breaking out into genuine laughter.  

"Pfft, that's terrible." You reply sympathetically, taking a sip of your beer before giving a mischievous grin. "Maybe you can make it work for you though, eh? Tell 'em we got hitched forreal and then I'll call you on the phone and nag you to get home for dinner so you can leave earlier."  

Nirei acts like he's touched making you laugh even harder. "You'd do that for me?"  

You give him another toothy grin. "I'll even help you fake some wedding photos. We'll be accomplices." You lean back with a shrug. "You gotta wear the dress though." 

Sugishita laughs at that. "You being a blushing bride is a little..."  

You snort, shooting him a dirty look "Shut up."  

"Deal. Not a bad plan honestly." Nirei says with a sigh. "Whatever gets me out of the office early."  

"Even if that means being married to me?" You joke.  

He smiles at you. "Aw, what do you mean? That's the best part."  

You chuckle at him good-natuedly and the conversation quickly moves on.  

The alcohol is starting to make you dizzy so you eventually tune out as the four of them talk, glancing at Umemiya from the corner of your eye.  

You swear you catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking.  

__  

For the rest of the night, Umemiya is off.  

No one else can tell. You know that because the atmosphere remains light until everyone leaves around two-am. There's no blips or tension, no awkward pauses. 

But you know Umemiya. He's been real weird all night and it's bugging the shit out of you.  

It's a well past two now, and you've just left the late night cab you took with him. Umemiya lives close so he's walking you home.  

He's usually energetic after a get-together like that so his dead silence is weirding you out. You're pretty good at figuring his feelings out but for once you feel totally clueless.  

It feels as if even the cicadas and crickets have gone to sleep. There's nothing bu the streetlights overhead and soft glow of the moon, coupled with the soft click of your shoes on the pavement. Occasionally, a car will pass by.  

At one point, it becomes too much. There's still a few minutes until you're home.  

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around to look at him. Umemiya pauses, startled as he stops with you, and doesn't smile which only makes your concern worsen.  

"Oi. What's up with you?"  

"Hm?"  

You cross your arms over your chest.  

"Don't 'hm' me. You've been in a bad mood few for the last few hours. It's gonna bug me all night if I don't ask, so what's up?"  

He stares at you.  

"You noticed?"  

"How could I not notice?"  

"I was hiding it pretty well, I thought." He states more than asks, half-smile on his face.  

"Yeah. But well," You shrug. "I'm always looking at you for better or for worse. So. What's wrong?"  

He stares at you a long time before sighing, running his fingers through his hair. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him pissed off before, seen him mildly irritated - but never this... pouty? It's not like he's pissed.  

He's quiet, taking a deep breath of cool night air before sliding his hands into his pockets and taking a good look at your face. 

"Do you know that I like you?"  

Your eyes widen as you blink wildly.  

This is what he wants to talk about? 

He pins you down with his stare, hands in his pockets and intense as ever.  

"Don't even think about bolting this time, okay? I'm asking you seriously. Do you?" 

Your eyes flicker down the concrete - feeling extremely uncomfortable and suddenly sweaty. You shrug, unsure of what else you could say or do.  

"Hard not to know." You mumble. "You tell me everyday." 

"But do you get it?"  

Your frown deepens.  

"Of course not. How could I possibly get something like that, stupid?"  

He takes a deep breath. "But you like me, don't you?"  

Panic sets in. If you could sink straight into the Earth you would.  

"...Never said that." 

He calls your name quietly. "Look at me, at least. Stop running away from me and just look." 

You know you're being stubborn but you can't help it. You've kept it a secret for ten years and all of a sudden he wants you to tell him you like him? You've held it in for so long already and he's telling you not to run away.What other choice is there?  

One wrong move move and everything will come crashing down inside of you. You can't even lie about it either.  

Damn it.  

"I won't look." Your voice is warbly and it makes you feel so pathetic you could die, tucking your chin petulantly "Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya frowns at you.  

"If you say you don't like me I'll let it go."  

You remain very quiet and close your eyes tighter. He sighs softly, making your chest hurt.  

After a minute, you muster up the courage to be dishonest - determined to drop it at all costs. You're slow as you pick your head up.  

"I don't like you," You repeat slowly, carefully - trying not to stumble the words. "So quit it, alright?"  

He laughs humorlessly and holds your gaze.  

"That's the first time you've ever actually lied to me. You're terrible at it," 

"I'm not lying." You snap. Umemiya smiles somberly when he sees tears on the corners of your eyes. He steps closer to you. You freeze. When his hand reaches cups your cheek, you feel your legs lose all their strength and close your eyes. You're terrified to even look at him, not wanting him to see what you know is obvious on your face.  

He wipes them as he tilts your face towards him slowly. 

"Tell me, at least. If you're going to refuse me, don't I deserve to know why? Do you hate the idea of dating me that much?"  

You shake your head. "Stupid. How would anyone hate that?"  

"So I deserve to know why you're turning me down."  

A long moment of silence draws you out of your feelings. You guess that's fair enough. Maybe this way he'll leave you alone  - as long you're clear about your reasons. He’s the earnest type after all.  

You manage to suck up all your tears and clear your throat enough to give him an explanation. 

You step back a little from him, putting some distance between you as you stare down at the sidewalk. 

"You know... I respect ya more than anyone else. You've always been someone I admire. And I uh, owe you a lot. So I only want the very best for you and all." You scratch your neck, taking a deep sigh. "For me... regardless of my feelings, I want you to be with someone who really fits, you know? Well put-together and everything. Someone that suits you better"  

He pauses before frowning.   

"Regardless of your feelings? Does that mean you were willingly pushing them aside?" He says distraught. "For how long?"  

You shrug, trying to lighten the conversation. It’s too devastating otherwise. "About ten years, give or take." 

The sheer distress in his face makes you want to keep talking, just he doesn’t look so disheartened. Like some explanation will clear things up.  

"It ain't a bad thing, Hajime. You've given me a lot and I'm serious when I say I want the best for you. I love you, if that's what you wanna hear. I'm content just being besides you as your friend." You say with a shrug. "I can be kinda selfish but there's a limit to my greed,yknow."  

He looks like he's in shock. 

"Wanting someone to love you back isn't greedy or selfish."  

You find you don't have anything to say with that, but hope he drops it for the time being. 

Umemiya stares at you seriously. It makes your breath hitch meeting his eyes, blue with all the depth in the world. You feel like you can't pull yourself from his gaze.  

"And there was never a possibility? Not once that I could've liked you? That I wanted to be with you?"  

"It doesn't matter." You say. "And no, it never crossed my mind.."  

"Stop saying it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Your feelings matter the most so don't toss them aside so easily. Do you really believe that you're not right for me?"  

You aren’t sure how to answer him.  

"You think you're not good enough for me." He says with some realization more than asks.  

It's the first time you see his face change. When you look up, he looks well and truly angry. The whole thing is confusing.  

"I'm sorry," You say. It’s such a timid thing to say but you don’t know how else to fix.  

"It's not—I just don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that. I don't like hearing someone I love get spoken about like that.” 

You ignore the sentiment again and wait in the quiet. You always thought this would be an easier conversation to have but it hurts.  

He sighs a bit, getting closer to you again. He’s less upset than before but there’s something else in his expression.  

"You wanted to know why I was upset earlier right? It's because of you and Nirei-kun." He admits.  

"What about him?"  

"You talked about marrying him so casually. I overheard and it bothered me all night."  

Your eyes go wide.  

"I—it wasn't serious."  

"I know that. I never thought I was that childish either but you being married to someone else as a joke." He laughs humorlessly. "I really hated it. That’s why I asked if you know how much I like you."  

You feel frozen in place by his admission. 

Umemiya steps towards you faster than you can muster up a counter for why he shouldn’t bother.  

His arms around you feel sudden. His grip on you is so tight, like you could slip through his arms all at once if he loosens it. He smells like cologne and beer and summer but it's not unpleasant. He rests his chin on your head and lets out a deep breath.  

Your chest is throbbing for different reasons now. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.  

"If you won't be greedy, then you should at least let me be." He lets out a long, tense breath "At least let me have what I want." 

You're stuck. Your mouth moves faster than your brain.  

"Why me? And why now?"  

Umemiya pulls away to stare down at you. You can't bring yourself to turn away from him. 

"It was always you. I felt guilty... for wanting to you that way when you were a precious friend. Wanting to treat you delicately when you were strong and proud." He admits. Hearing him say that out loud embarrasses you to no end, “But it was those things that made me love you. Strong yet clumsy. Prideful yet honest. Awkward yet trying to be gentle. Loyal. And always considerate of everyone. Of me, when I was taking care of everyone else."  

Your stomach feels like it's going to erupt. You're losing your resolve faster than you know how to mend it.  

"Stop saying stuff like that."  

Umemiya holds you tighter and shakes his head. "No. How else will I get you to change your mind?"  

"I won't change my mind." You say stubbornly.  

"I love you." He repeats.  

You squirm.  

"Stop it,"  

"I want to be with you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to do things with you and make you feel good. I want to make you smile. I want to grow old with you." 

Your hearts fluttering. Fuck.  

"Idiot. What are you saying? Let me go."  

"It has to be you for me. I won't have anyone else no matter what you think. The person I love is you. I love you."  

"Hajime." Your voice is shaking. 

His drops down to a whisper.  

“I can’t change how you think of yourself overnight but I can tell you that there’s no point in trying to push me away. Whether or not you accept  me, we’ll never stop being side by side - so please stop fighting it.”  

You put your hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Stop it,” 

"Please tell me it's okay to love you how I want too," He says, soft and doting while he crushes you in his arms. "And please love me in return."  

You put your hands up to your misty eyes wanting to wipe them away as he melts through the rest of your resolve like it's nothing. It's hard not to be moved. You've been pretending for ten long years that you don't love him at all and he's declaring his love for you like it's the easiest, most sensible and sane thing in the world.  

A kind-hearted, willful, meddling idiot. How you are you supposed to push him away when he's holding you this tight?  

"Shit," You voice, huffing as your voice shakes. "Don’t be stupid, alright? If you’re so insistent, I wont let you back out if you meet someone else."  

He laughs wetly.  

"I already tried meeting other people, but it's still you. Always was."  

He smiles above you. 6'2 with watery eyes with the look of pure relief like it's the best news he's ever heard in his life. It's too much for you. Your heart is racing so fast you wonder if you're gonna die.  

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.  

Your eyes go wide as you look away, not wanting to look too eager. "That's..."  

He makes another puppy-dog kinda face. "Please?"  

You're embarrassed by how easy it makes you give in. "...Do whatever you want."  

He laughs bright and warm as his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and kiss you with all the passion he can muster. It's intense, almost suffocating the way he slots his lips against yours and breathes you in. He doesn't let you up from it, doesn't part from you for a second even when he pulls away - noses brushing and stealing the air from your lungs.  

It's your stupid first kiss and it's perfect - so perfect you wonder if you're going to wake up in a dream. He kisses you hard and makes you stand on your toes to chase his lips when he pulls back. Elated. Ecstatic when you grasp the front of his shirt and keep kissing him when he stops. 

He pauses before littering your whole face with pecks even as you weakly protest, unable to stop frowning but feeling the happiest you've ever been.  

There's so much longing in between you, you feel like you could die. You feel helpless.   

"Can I come home with you?" He asks, once he stops - only holding your hand a short distance away. "I want more time together." 

You feel your skin burn hot as you nod, all while trying not to read too much into it. 

"Yeah."  

__ 

You barely get to lock your door behind you before Umemiya crowds you in the door way.  

His arms circle around your waist, chin resting against your shoulder.. Broad chest against your back, you try not to flounder as his warm voice caresses your ear.  

You're going to die young if he keeps this up.   

"I love you,"  

You flush. "Enough already. And let me go so I can wash up."  

"Do you need to sleep early? Thought you were closed tomorrow. Wanted to talk a little longer."  

You pause.  

"...Sleep?" 

"Hm?"  

You both freeze as the miscommunication dawns at the same time. You try to pull away from him as soon as you realize, skin burning hot. You're quick but Umemiya is quicker.  

"Hajime." You say gravely. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna kill you."  

"No way," He laughs  as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. "Is that why you let me in? Were you expecting something?"  

"Shut up! Don't say anything, I swear I'll —"  

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm not making fun of you. Hey, turn around. Look at me."  

You're upset but you think the reason is more embarrassing then the feeling.  

"Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya laughs as he gently turns you around to face him. In your utter mortification, you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze.  

"Stop staring."  

He doesn't.  

"Do you normally invite guys in just 'cause they ask?"  

"Wha—no! It's because it's you, stupid!"  

He smiles in satisfaction.  

"You shouldn't say yes so easily even if it is me. What if I took advantage of you?"  

You think he's just being smug for the sake of it, which is pissing you off. You grab him by the front of his shirt.  

"Fuck off. Maybe there's a reason I said yes."  

He pauses before his eyes widen. You push your hand against his mouth before he blurt anything else out but he's quick to pry your hand away.  

"Don't say it." You hiss.  

"I was planning on taking my time. I cherish you and I want to make sure you know that. I'm just a little surprised you’re moving so quick when you were telling me not too long ago."  

You can feel the tips of your ears growing hot, feeling even more self-conscious. "Whatever. If we're just going to sleep I still need to wash up."  

He keeps his arms behind your back so you can’t move.  

"Hey. Didn't say that. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. Just don't want you to regret anything."  

You give him an flat look. "I was prepared to give you my virginity and you're worrying about that. Unless you're planning on backing out, there's no way I would."  

"Your—" His jaw drops a little.  

You drop your voice down just a little close as you grab his collar.  

"If you get it, then hurry up and fuck me. Stupid Hajime."  

He gives you the dopiest smile you've ever seen while your face grows increasingly hot, leaning to in to press a kiss to your lips. He brushes his nose with yours. Laughter from deep in his chest.  

"Yes, ma'am."  

__ 

Once you give Umemiya permission to have you, you get the feeling that there really is no going back from here.  

You both know it. The tension in your bedroom is so thick you can barely breathe around it.  

Umemiya lands gently onto your bed - sitting up as he holds you by your waist and pulls you over to him. You're so aware of his touch it makes your nerves feel they're on fire. You're not a total virgin - at least not enough to be feeling this worked up over someones hands lingering on your waist.  

But they're Umemiya's hands—Hajime's hands, so you can't rationalize your thoughts of out it. His hands are strong and big, a little calloused and rough from the gardening and fighting. You can feel how much he adores you in a gesture so small it makes you concerned for your own heart thinking about how the rest of the night will go.  

He invites you into his lap gently, so pleased by the way you go to him so willingly. You spread yourself over him with your knees on either side of his thighs. He's big - wide and broad.  

Your barely hovering over his bulge as you lean your weight onto him. His hand barely brushes underneath your top, just barely touching the skin.  

You shiver.  

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" He asks. "I don't mind waiting as long as you need,"  

You give him an bored look. "Not very convincing when you're makin' a face like that,"  

He chuckles nervously. "That bad?"  

You nod before adding a little bashfully. "Dunno if I mind, though."  

He buries his fact against your chest all of a sudden making you jump.  

"The hell?"  

"You're so cute when you're honest like that," He mumbles into your chest, cheek pressed against your tits.  

"Jeez, shut up. What're you talking about?"  

Umemiya pulls back and leans forward - enough to breach the inches of space between you. Nose to nose, your eyes meet. A bated breath, you put your hand on his shoulders and work up the nerve to kiss him.  

It's chaste. Mostly for you to break the ice otherwise you're sure you're gonna pussy out.  

He smiles at you when you pull away.  

"See what I mean? So cute," He hums, and leans in again. "Come on. Kiss me again."  

Something about him is different when he tells you to kiss him. It's not smug or cheeky. But it's not casual either. Softness tinges his words, his touch - his whole demeanor screams like he loves you absolutely. It makes your heart rate pick up again, hands shaky as you try not to lose your nerve.  

He's restraining himself though. How he intense he could be vs how soft and calm he is being. You know Umemiya like the back of your hand so you want him to do what he wants. It's hard to find your voice.  

"You don't have to.." You cast your eyes down in embarrassment. "…hold back with me, either. I'm not some maiden."  

He smiles at you a little. "You really do know me better than anyone, huh? I was keeping it together pretty well."  

"Look I know I’m kinda difficult…I'm not real good with stuff like this either," You fidget with the collar of his shirt with your free hand. "But once I say yes I don’t back out. So don't worry about scaring me off or putting too much pressure on me or whatever. ...'s fine to just do what you feel like. I’m scared out of my mind but I wouldn’t do that to you,"  

“Don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll do my best to make you feel secure. Might take some time but we’ve got our whole lives.” You flush at the implication. He smiles a little. "Whatever I want seems like a lot to give, though."  

"Well...depending on what, I'm might not be good at it,"   

He shakes his head. "I don't want anything like that."  

"What do you want then?"  

"You." He says easily. Your stomach flips. "All of you. I just want to make you feel so good you can't stand it. Want to worship you top to bottom. There's not a single part of you I don't want."  

You flush. "The hell... I meant like a blowjob or some shit."  

He laughs. "I know. And I want that too, another time." He hums, taking a deep breath. "Right now I just want you to feel so good for me. Is that okay?"  

You can't look at him. You can barely stand how bashful you're being, but you can't even play coy. Something in you is bursting at the seams.  

You love him so much you don't recognize yourself, or your voice, or how you're acting. It makes you sick but you can’t do anything but go with it. "Yeah. 's okay, if it's what you want."  

"It is," He says, leaning in. "All I've ever wanted."  

You ignore the latter half of his comment as he finally goes to kiss you again.  

He pulls your body close to him as you do. Until your chest to chest, arms wrapped around the span of his shoulders as you press your lips together soft and slow.  

He slides a hand underneath your top, undoing the clasp of your bra. He lets his palm stay on the center of your back while you keep kissing - straps of your bra falling down your shoulder as he splays his fingers to feel more of your skin and hold you. Hugging you close to him, his other arm wraps around your torso. His forearms feels especially strong they way they hold you by the waist.  

You're so close to him. Kissing him so deep, his tongue sliding against your lips. Something about the kiss is languid but the touch is so hot it makes your skin burn. You feel wrapped up in him, can't even tell whose heartbeat you're hearing. 

More of your weight ends up in his lap as you feel your knees go weak. Something hard presses against your clothed cunt and you gasp a little into his mouth.  

"Oh, shit." You mumble in surprise. Umemiya laughs.  

"You're making me feel good." He hums.  

Your face heats up. "I barely did anything." 

"You just being on my lap is more than enough."  

You make a face at him before rubbing yourself over the zipper of his jeans, slow and deliberate trying to get a feel for it. You hear him moan, nearly jumping out of your skin in surprise.  

The way Umemiya moans is a lot for you to process. Breathy and a little low. It resonates through your whole body like a caress.  

You make a few more tentative passes over his bulge, just to hear him do it again. Driven by your instinct more than anything, you lean into kiss at his jaw - making use of the limited experience you do have to try and draw more sounds from him.  

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, still breathless. Maybe amused.  

"Like the way you sound." You mumble in reply.  

"I thought I told you I wanted to take care of you, hm?"  

You frown. "So what? I can't touch you at all?"  

He thinks on it. "You can touch me everywhere else and you can have your way with me later, if you want it. I don't wanna cum too fast."  

"I'm just..."  

He shakes his head. "You're underestimating me. I'm still a guy, you know? With a woman I love at that. There's no way I would make it through our first time if I didn't focus on you. Don't pout,"  

Hearing him describe you in such an embarrassing way makes you flush. You roll your eyes half-heartedly. "Fine, whatever."  

He smiles.  

"Good girl. C'mere. Lay down."  

You decide not to think about how effected the praise makes you as you comply.  

Umemiya lays you down carefully, making sure you're comfortable before hovering over you. He looks a lot more imposing from this view - the dim lights of your room making his face seem more well-defined. Your nipples harden in arousal, peeking from underneath your shirt as he stares long and hard.  

"You're so beautiful to me."  

He leans down and presses a hot kiss to your jaw, just underneath your ear before slowly kissing down your neck. Open-mouthed kisses along delicate skin, tongue sliding over every patch he scrapes lightly with his teeth. You fidget underneath him, a dull throbbing between your legs. You try to figure out what to do with your hands but you’re too nervous.  

He kisses your throat where it's extra sensitive and you bite back and involuntary noise. 

"Don't hold your voice, please?"  

"It's embarrassing,"  

"It's not," He assures, bumping his forehead to your shoulder lightly. "I want to know what makes you feel good. Let me pay attention to you."  

You frown but nod ultimately.  

Umemiya isn't the first sexual encounter you've had in your life. You've done other things, but you've never really gone all the way with anyone. All of your other partners were mostly strangers - people mutually interested in using someone else to try and get off.  

This is the first time anyone has taken this much time with you. A little kissing and groping, sometimes touching your chest.  

No one's ever touched you like this, though.  

His hands feel like they're all over your body no matter where they actually end up being. Makes your heartbeat rain drumming on a tin roof. Makes your stomach tingle, a heat in your calves and a prickly feeling on your back. Your whole being drowning with pure anticipation.  

"Take this off for me." Umemiya mumbles. You nod, feeling absent as you wiggle yourself out of your tight little tee and toss it somewhere.  

The air shifts again when you're naked. His eyes drink you in, tracing the soft lines and edges of your body. Looking over scars and stretchmarks with pure, blown out wanting that shoots lust straight into your veins.  

You want him to fuck you so bad it's killing you but the very thought makes you feel so shy you could die.  

"You're beautiful," Sounds dirty the way he says, makes it spill from his lips like wine tipping over a glasses edge. "Perfect. Every inch of you is so perfect."  

He proves this to you by kissing you again. Running his hands over your skin. Up against curved sides and down against your arms, brushing the back of your biceps and forearms.  

Infatuation in his touch ruins you. Makes your voice let out. You can't think of anyone whose treated you so preciously in your entire life and you find you don't resent it as much as you should.  

(You find it feels so good to let someone touch you so kindly. A touch like you're being loved.)  

Nonetheless it's embarrassing. Of course it is.  

But it's so hard not to feel pulled in when you feel the way he kisses you. Draws a trail with his lips and tongue from jaw to shoulder blade - kissing down your biceps with his hands on your body, taking  gentle inhales of your scent.  

Anticipation makes your stomach tie in knots but finally he relents. Both hands squeeze the soft weight of your chest, palms brushing your hardened nipples.  

"Fuck."  

He laughs a little, heavy with want. "Yeah? Do you like being touched here?"  

"Mm." Is the best reply you can get out.  

He brushes against the tips with his fingers in a feather-light gesture, testing the waters before rubbing with a little more pressure. Your body jolts from the stimulation, wetness pooling and dampening your underwear. He leans in and takes one of your nipples into his mouth making another dull wave of lust wash through you.  

And he makes sure to pay attention to both. It's just like him to be so attentive to some shit like that. Your spine arches as he sucks on your sensitive nipples, letting his tongue flick across them and giving into a sweet friction. You buck your hips up against instinctively, gripping onto the sheets as your sense of restlessness grows.  

Your voice is whiny to your own ears but you can't calm down to save your life.  

"You're taking too long," You huff. He laughs lightly, looking up at you from underneath his lashes.  

"Don't be impatient." He tsks.  

"It's enough already," 

He shakes his head. "Nope. Still got a long ways to go. Promise you'll have me when you're ready for it, so just try and focus on feeling good."  

You make a frustrated sound. "It's embarrassing being the only one feeling good,"  

He pauses before standing up on his knees. He takes his black t-shirt off in one swift go until his torso is bare, and undoes the top button of his pants. He gives you a little glance. "Better?"  

There are too many layers of that to process in the moment it happens. You mumble. "A little,"  

He beams. "Good. Now let me take good care of you,"  

Sliding down lower, he kisses you from sternum to navel. Hands gripping at the softness of your sides, smoothing over the bare skin as he his thumb finds the waistband of your skirt. He glances up at you, silently seeking your permission. You nod back at him, watching him slide the short skirt away from your waist.  

The sudden air feels cool against your skin. He presses his cheek against your belly, both hands on your hips..  

"You're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than I thought. I feel so lucky being able to touch you when you're this perfect.” He praises endlessly.  

You cover your face with your arm.  

"Ugh. Quit it. You're sayin' too much."  

"Seeing you get so shy when I praise you a little is so cute." He trails his lips down further and further - just above your sex before stopping. "You're so cute."  

He sits back, standing up and bending your legs slightly at the knee. You hold the position as you feel him massage your calve. Thumb drawing hard circles in the muscle, slowly working his way up to your knee. He kisses you afterwards trailing the same spot his hands were touching seconds ago before moving onto the other side.  

There's nothing you can call it short of worship. The nagging feeling that it's undeserved is washed away each time Umemiya holds your gaze.  

Devotion colors every touch no matter how small. And it’s so obvious, so prominent - it feels outright wrong to deny the fact it’s there.   

You think the closest thing you can compare it too is the way Umemiya gardens. A patience as his fingers root through earth and soil, a kindness towards delicate things that makes even hours of work under the sun look beautiful and easy. His expression is what's most uncanny - what makes you you feel so hot. 

An expression that says he loves doing it from the very bottom of his heart - not even a hint of apathy or complaint.  

A face that says he loves every long, drawn out motion and actions of repetition all fro the very core of him.  

Having it directed at making love to you so blatantly makes you more aroused than you know what to do with. You don't know how to let yourself be treated like the most cherished flower in Umemiya's garden - and you aren't so sure how you're meant to get used to it no matter how much it makes you feel...nice. You don’t have any other experience.  

Which is why you're trying to be patient. Trying to be at least temporarily secure in whatever he sees in you that makes him worship every inch of you, memorizing all your ins and outs.  

Umemiya places hot, wet kisses on your inner thigh before laying himself between your spread legs - breath barely hovering over your sex.  

By the time he gets there, you feel utterly melted into your sheets. Your mind is hazy, impatient and wanting as strong hands secure your thighs. He's so close.  

"I wanna eat you out. Is that okay?"  

"If you don't do something soon I'm gonna kill you."  

He laughs warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."  

You pause. Umemiya waits.  

"I didn't uh," You clear your throat. "Wasn't planning on getting laid so y'know. Haven't shaved in a while."  

"Were you worried that I'd change my mind? I like it for the record. Feels natural." Umemiya says. "It's your body so there's nothing I would dislike about it."  

"You're too much." You reply back in earnest. You cover your face with your arms. "So cheesy."  

"I'm being serious." He says suddenly solemn with how sincere he is. 

The sudden change is amusing. You pause before breaking into genuine giggles, unable to help yourself.  

"You're really somethin', yknow that?"  

He's quiet for a long time. Long enough for it to catch your attention, turning your gaze more clearly towards his face. Swiftly, he pushes himself up to catch your mouth in another kiss. It stuns you a bit, very different to all the rest. More teeth and tongue than lip.  

"I like you," He murmurs, forehead to yours. "How can someone be so cute?"  

"Would you quit embarrassing me and get on with it?" 

He smiles. "As you wish,"  

Umemiya settles back down between your legs after easing your panties off and putting your feet flat on the bed to give himself more access. You can barely look down at him doing it. His fingers brush the slick hairs back gentle as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy apart and look at you more intimately.  

You can feel him. Feel his every breath and movement. He stares at you awestruck. "How is all of you so pretty? Even here it's such a beautiful color."  

"Stop looking so much,"  

He takes a breath, taking in your scent one more time before pressing a kiss to your clit. You make an attempt to squirm away from his grip as his finger dig into your thighs and hold you down. The strength of it knocks the wind out of you, forcing you into place. Umemiya pushes his tongue and gives you a long, tentative lick through the seam of your cunt.  

Your whole body breaks out into shivers at the sensation. The warm weight of his tongue on your sex makes feels like an electric current through water - your toes curling as he makes the same few passes over and over. He collects your pooling arousal on the tip as he drags upwards and flicks your clit tentatively. You grind against his face instinctually, hips chasing the pleasure. Amused laughter vibrates against your core as you do, mumbling at you to be patient while he's still face deep in it.  

You let out another pitchy whine before he finally stops teasing. He lays his tongue flat against your clit, cupping it lightly before drawing it around experimentally. He watches carefully as he plays around with pressure and angles - trying to see what makes you react the most. You can feel how closely he's watching you. 

You cover your mouth with your hand when he does find it, your voice breaking off as he licks carefully right where you need. He smiles into your cunt as he toys with your with the sensitive bundle of nerves, pleased by the change in your reactions. The obvious pleasure he's making you feel.  

Something blooms into your chest. You've never— 

"You're—" You close your eyes, hands tangling in the sheets as you break out into a fever. "Ngh, never had someone l-lick me,"  

He must've heard you because he seems to laser in his focus the minute you say it. He's lapping at your clit so deep, licking precisely and holding you with nose against your bush.  

You reach down tentatively, pushing back the hair falling in his face and he gives you a look so lovesick you want to run away. The pressure changes gradually, more intensely.  

It feels better somehow. Makes you feel restless. Your whole body curls in tight with want at the sensation of it, the lower expanse of your belly tensed. You're shaking as you drift closer to the edge, arousal upped by the wet sound of him sucking your clit.  

"Hajime," You warn, spine starting to arch as you helplessly try to pull away from the intense sensation. It's not familiar to your body, so much so your mind can barely make sense of what's happening to it, "Cumming—c-cumming!"  

Something in you goes undone as Umemiya keeps pace during your orgasm. All the tension inside of you suddenly comes loose - specks of white matter behind closed lids as you screw your eyes shut. Your back curves up into arch, your hips trembling, your insides pulsing. It comes running into you, crashing into your body as waves of pleasure drown out the noise in your head. He eats you out until you feel borderline hysterical.  

You feel melted and reshaped by him - yanking him off when he continues to be insistent after you're too oversensitive. He laughs when you pull him away, resting against your thigh as you take worn out heaving breaths.  

He kisses the inside of your knee as you calm down, bright smile on his features - painted pink with a slight flush. "You came. I'm so happy."  

You look at him in shock. "You're a scary guy."  

He pushes up to kiss your temple, voice soft. "Did I scare you?"  

Your stomach flutters, tucking your chin. "You were intense, but I didn't... hate it or anything."  

"Yeah?" He grins, pressing a few kisses to your cheek and face before whispering against your ear. "Then, is it okay to go farther?"  

You nod silently. Umemiya smiles.  

He stands up on his knees, pushing his hair back as your eyes are drawn to his pants. You reach out for the waistband of his pants unthinkingly, hooking your finger into it. "Isn't it stuffy?"  

He blinks, frozen before rubbing a hand across his face. "Ah a bit, but it's fine."  

"Take 'em off. Please?"  

Umemiya looks unusually distressed by the request, but follows through without another word. You watch him undress - revealing the tight black fabric of his boxer briefs snug against his waist. Your eyes go wide as you see the outline of his cock - head still half hazy. You voice your unfiltered reaction.  

"Your dick is so big,"  

He laughs breathlessly. "Are you trying to stir me up? What's with you?" He pauses to lay down besides you. You turn to lay on your side and face him a little better. "You're being cute. I'm not used to seeing you so docile."  

"Shaddup," You reply half-heartedly. Your body is still on fire but it knocked the wind of you to cum once already. "Your fault."  

He grins, a hint of smugness as he laughs. "That's true."  

"You gonna fuck me?"  

"Mm, yeah. Gotta open you up first or it'll hurt."  

"I've put stuff in before. Toys. Should be fine."   

"Still wanna play it safe. It's your precious first time after all."  

You make a face before pulling him into you, hugging him tight as your whole body breaks out in a shameful flush. "Then hurry up and do it already."  

His arms slide underneath where your laying, holding you to him as he hikes one of your legs up. He slides his free hand in over your leg - his forearm holding your thigh. You press your face to his neck and shoulder - hiding your expression. "Guess I should huh? You were always impatient,"  

You can barely tell him to shut up, the way your body waits for it. A warbled little noise leaves your mouth as he slides his middle finger through the sticky folds of your cunt - careful as it catches on your hole. Wet and so aroused, the first finger he puts in goes in completely smoothly with no real effort 

Umemiya speaks low and soft as he holds you. "I don't know if I can get used to seeing you like this. I'm glad no one else but me ever wil You’re really all I think about lately," He catches the lobe of your ear between his teeth gently. Your head spins. "People misunderstand you because you're prickly, you know? For a long time, only I knew what it felt like to be liked by you. I liked that,"  

"Why are you—mmgh," 

He slides another finger in carefully after the first one slides inside of you with no resistance. His voice is so hot against your skin, the low bass of it in your skull as he speaks so close to your ear.  

"Don't get me wrong I'm happy seeing you with so many people surrounding you. But I was a little sad too. And it kept getting worse over the years until I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time and then it clicked,” Umemiya explains. You realize half way delirious this is his real confession. God, you’re gonna kill him. “Suddenly it was all I thought about. I wanted to be special to you. I wanted to monopolize you. It was my first time having thoughts like that,”  

Another finger slides into you easily. Umemiyas fingers are so much bigger than yours. Thicker than they are long. The stretch is enough to make you gasp.  

“Hajime—“ 

He curls them up, careful until he finds the spot he’s looking for. Your body reacts, another sensation of pressure as his middle finger rubs tenderly against your gspot. You weakly try to wiggle away as he holds you firm.  

“I felt a little guilty, too. You’re my very best friend. You’re independent and diligent. Tough. But you know, when I saw you for those few months - all I could think about was how much I wanted to spoil you,” He whispers. Something in your body shifts the way touches you. Pushes in further and further - stretching until it’s easy for him to be inside. “Somehow everything I liked about you became so cute I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t help but want to dote on you over every little thing even though I knew better than anyone you didn’t need something like that.”  

Your eyes well up but not necessarily from emotion. Totally overwhelmed. You don’t feel like you’re gonna cum but there’s something else that’s waiting and each time he thrusts his fingers into you it comes a little closer. Your voice is shaking.  

“It—fuck, quit talking. Somethings gonna—“  

His smile grows a little. It’s the first time it looks so hungry.  

“I was happy in general when I realized you liked me too. Even when you were being stubborn, I liked the way you couldn’t turn me away. I liked how happy you looked talking to me as usual as if that alone was something so precious,” He hums, so focused and precise as he stretches you open on a third finger but never once losing his train of thought. Like saying all of these comes to him so easily it doesn’t matter. “I didn’t want to corner you. But it felt like I couldn’t rest until you were mine completely. Which is why I’m being so unfair to you. Why I’m so persistent. ” 

Your voice breaks on a whine. “It’s gonna come out—“  

“You make a pretty face when your heads filled with nothing but me. I don’t think it’s bad to wanna stay that way,” He hums, almost conversational as he presses a kiss to your skin. “Go on. Let go,”  

Something hot sprays between your legs as Umemiya fucks you open on all three of his fingers.  

A rush of warm liquid squirts onto your sheets as your legs shake wearily. Umemiya marvels at the mess. Your hands curl into fists, nails digging in your palms as he finally pulls them out - leaving you stretched, almost gaping.  

You lay limp in soaked sheets as you pull away from Umemiya with a very weak glare.  

He’s smiling at you, dopey and lovesick.  

“Too much?”  

Angrily, you smack at his bare chest over and over, trying to recover your pride.  

“You’re insane. What’s,” You swallow thickly. “What’s with you.”  

He shrugs. Wordless, he flips you onto your back again before hovering over top of you. Pressing his forehead to yours, he brushes your noses together and plants a tentative peck on your lips as if trying to gauge whether or not you’re upset. He melts when you kiss him back, smiling happily.  

“Were you like this with your other girlfriends? No wonder they broke up with you,”  

He laughs. “Mm, no? I was more of a gentleman.”  

You break out into another exhausted fit of laughter.  

“Pfft, yeah? Guess I’m pretty special,” 

“Yeah. You are.” He kisses you again. “Wanna keep going or are you too tired? I don’t mind if we sleep.”  

“Stupid. I said it already didn’t I? Hurry up and fuck me.”  

“Okay, okay. Let me go get the condom from my wallet,”  

You wrap your legs around his waist and stare up at him plainly as he tries to move, keeping him pinned in place. You’re frowning, brows furrowed with a hard glare. He stares at you.  

“Did you want something else? Water?”  

“Want you to fuck me,” You restate, arms reaching up to circle around his neck. “Just do it already.” 

He pulls back to look at you seriously.  

“Do you know what you’re asking?”  

You flush. “Of course I do. Stupid. Are you trying to get me to say it out loud?”  

“I might think I’m deluding myself otherwise.”  

You sigh, looking at him flatly as you try to tamp down the part of you that’s screaming to be more tactful.  

“Don’t bother with the condom, a-alright? Or pulling out,”  

He looks like he’s experiencing the shock of his life. “But…” 

“Stop being dumb or I’m never gonna have sex with you again.”  

He nods suddenly solemn. “Fine. But,”  

You give him another look that silences him. He sighs again, getting the message before kissing your cheek and pull back to sit up on his knees between your legs. Pulling his briefs down, his cock springs free. It looks a lot bigger than you saw underneath the fabric, weighed down from it’s own weight even though it stands up stiff. He opened you up with three but you wonder if it’ll be enough not to stretch you open.  

You reach your hand out to touch it tentatively, feeling it’s weight and heft. He clears his throat but seems content to let you. The palms of your hands cup the shaft, feeling all the veins pulse. The tip is sticky with precum. You pull your hand away, another sudden wave of self consciousness overwhelming you.  

Umemiya hovers over you again, placing he length of his cock against your pussy. You shift a little feeling it slide against you, hard and hot.  

“Gonna put it in now, okay?”  

Nodding, you put your legs up. You take a deep breath when the head pushes in, letting out an involuntary noise. You feel well-stretched but the thickness of his cock is still enough to make you feel it in your legs. Umemiya is focused above you, barely sliding the tip through your folds as you open up around him. The air feels punched out of your lungs on just the first inch.  

His face is strained is he holds his hips steady, leaning down to tap your foreheads together. “Feeling okay?”  

“Mm,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. Feels different.”  

“Different?”  

“Yours is bigger than all the stuff I own,” You explain. “Feels hotter. Harder, too.”  

You feel his cock twitch inside of you suddenly, shocking you. He smiles sheepishly.  

“Gonna push in a little more, okay?”  

You nod, watching as Umemiya so slowly presses his cock into you further. Enough that it doesn’t hurt when you take him, as much as it just feels like something is inside of you. You feel a warm sense of satisfaction at how full you feel. You feel like him like he’s in your stomach, taking up so much space. After a while of pushing, stopping, and going again  - he finally bottoms out.  

“You feel incredible,” He murmurs, half-smile on his face. Your stomach flutters. “It’s hard not to cum right away. Feels so good inside of you. I love you.”  

You feel yourself twitch, frowning at the expression of delight Umemiya has. You put your hand against his fact to keep him away but he kisses your palm and moves it. Bottomed out, he grasps both hands and holds them  - pinning them to the bed as you watch him wide-eyed.  

“Think you’re used to it?” He hums, clasping your fingers together. “Is it okay if I move?”  

You feel so damn bashful. “It’s okay.” 

He kisses your forehead. “I’ll go slow.” 

As promised, Umemiya pulls out carefully before pushing back into you. You’re so wet that it slides in without any real friction. It takes a few thrusts of him going slowly for your body to get adjusted to the sensation. After a few motions, though - it starts to feel different.  

Starts to feel good. Really, really good.  

“Oh,” Your eyes flutter open. “Shit. You c-can go faster.”   

“Yeah?”  

You nod, trying not to seem too eager. 

When Umemiya picks up pace, you feel your  the whole lower half of your body weaken all over again. Something in your legs, your spine go soft against the bed underneath, a sudden unusual arousal swelling. Somewhere in deeper as he cocks thrusts against your gspot, knocking against it with more force than before. The change in pace coupled with the visual of Umemiya over you, face drawn together in focus as he fucks you is too much. Split open on his cock, you can hear how wet you are each time he moves.  

“Feels…” Your words come up empty. “’s so much.” 

“Yeah? Is it too much for you, baby?”  

You shake your head as your thoughts get increasingly cloudy. It’s like there’s nothing else your body can focus on. The way his cock drags against your sensitive, silken walls. The feeling of being full to empty and then full all over again. The way your pussy gets so much wetter each time he moves, sloppy and sucking him in so tight. You can feel your body want for him.  

Umemiya lets go of your hands, sliding one between your bodies. Palm resting on your sex, he lets his brush against your clit. The difference it makes is significant, makes your eyes go wide. He smiles a little, hair falling in his face as he pushes it up with his free hand.  

“That’s it,” He hums, contented to keep at it like this. “Feels good, right? Your holding onto me so tightly it’s hard for me to pull out even though you’re so wet.”  

You make a whiny noise and wonder if other peoples first times feel this good or if you’re just outrageously lucky. You decide on the latter he fucks you faster and matches his thrusts with the movement of his fingers. You’re warm all over - skin scorching as your hands find his biceps and shoulders to cling onto.  

Your voice is so whiny when you call out for him “You’re so deep, ngh.”  

He laughs, deep and raspy. “Yeah? Tell me what you’re feeling,”  

“It feels good when you’re in me.” You reply drunkenly. “Want it faster. Please,”  

He complies with your request almost immediately. You cry out loud, physically incapable of holding the sound in as he gets to fucking you faster and harder. Your pussy is throbbing. Senselessly horny, you pull Umemiya closer to you as he fucks you and smash your lips together. You feel so good, so thoroughly fucked and completely out of it. He’s in you but you want him even closer, want the scent of his skin to mark you.  

A second time your body builds up to that familiar feeling but it’s so much farther inside. An orgasm pulled right from your core. Stomach tied in knots as Umemiya fucks you hard, you wrap your legs around his waist and take him. 

“That’s it. You’re so good. Cum on my cock, sweet girl. Let me feel it” He murmurs against your skin, holding you close. “You’re making me feel so good. So cute. Go ahead, it’s okay. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.”  

Pliant to his request, you hold onto Umemiya for dear life as your body gives into second orgasm. Your nails dig into his biceps as the built up arousal gives way pleasure - and you cum hard with his cock sheathed all the way inside of you. All the wind gets stolen from your lungs as you press forward with another kiss, your whole body trembling violently as you let go.  

Umemiya sweet talks you through without letting go once, only stopping to take a pause when you’ve fully ridden out your high.  

You stare up at him in a daze as he takes a breather to kiss you, still hard as he’s bottomed out inside of you.  

“You gonna cum soon?”  

“Mm,” He nods. “Yeah I’m close. If I move, I will.”  

“’s okay to cum in me,”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “I’m already about too. You’re not helping,”  

You smile a bit as you hug him close to you and tell him again that it’s fine. Before long, he holds you too, whispering the same three words into your neck as he finally lets it out. It’s a weird feeling, thick white ropes of seed spilling into the deepest parts of you.  

You don’t really hate it, though.  

“I love you,” Umemiya repeats. Tired you don’t try to fight yourself.  

“Love you too,”  

__ 

The next morning, you’re stirred away by the sound of your front door unlocking and the sound of Kotoha’s voice echoing through your apartment.  

You’re still half-way asleep, so it barely dawns on you that anything is off. Not cognizant enough to think twice, your body tries to go back to sleep.  

Or it does until you hear a very loud shout coming from your kitchen that wakes you up with a start.  

“No fucking way,”  

You sit up suddenly, hearing faint conversation before the sound of steps barreling towards your door. You just barely manage to pull the sheets up over your chest before she comes storming through the door of your bedroom.  

You watch her eyes scan your entire room, mentally collecting data before she finally lands on you. As your brain starts to load back in, your eyes go wide with horror at the look of pure scandal on her face.  

Fuck. You were supposed to be having dinner with her and Tsubaki tonight. Usually you confirm with them in the mornings since your up. It’s not uncommon for her to drop in when you don’t reply to check in since you live close by. 

Fuck.  

“You—Oh, I have to text Tsubaki-chan, I can’t believe—“  

Before she gets to finish her sentence, Umemiya appears behind her in your door way. The sight of him only adds fuel to the flame of your embarrassment. You went another round or two before bed last night and it looks like it too. Shirtless in sweats he left over a while ago, his biceps are covered in scratch and with a few hickies, he’s wearing his hair down with a cup of tea and a very apologetic smile.  

You cover your face with your hands unsure of how to deal with the feeling of pure mortification.  

Kotoha snaps a picture of your room that causes even more distress.  

“If you don’t delete that right now, I’m gonna kill us both.”  

“In your dreams.”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “Please don’t kill each other.”  

He slides past Kotoha coming over to you. Bending down to kiss your forehead, he pulls the blanket up over you so you’re more well-covered. You give him an incredulous but Umemiya is unfazed - smiling as bright as ever. 

“Good morning,”  

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kotoha says. She points at Umemiya. “You, go put on a shirt.”  

“Fine, fine. Stay for breakfast,” Umemiya says with a smile. “It’ll be nice having it with my two favorite people.”  

You make another face as Umemiya gives you a long, affectionate look before disappearing. She sighs as she looks at you, pinching the bridge of her nose.  

“I would ask if you’re gonna meet us for dinner but you don’t have a choice anymore so show up at seven. I’m gonna leave before that tactless idiot comes back. We’ll talk later.”  

You nod in understanding. She turns to leave but then turns back with a genuine smile.  

“And, well - congrats. He’s a tactless idiot but he does love you or whatever. Cherish each other,”  

You flush, nodding your head. “Yeah…thanks.”  

With that Kotoha leaves quickly. Umemiya returns still shirtless, pouting a little when he notices she’s gone.  

“She left already?”  

“Of course she did. I can’t believe you would invite her for breakfast.”   

Umemiya shrugs. “No point being coy about it. I thought it’d be nice. I was looking for a shirt but I guess I don’t need one now,” He sits besides you on the bed, turning to face with a goofy smile. “Anyways, good morning.”  

“You already said that.”  

“You didn’t say it back,”  

You frown. “G’morning,”  

He smiles suddenly  before grabbing you from underneath the blankets and sheets - pulling your naked body ontop of him as he grins. Sunlight pours through the window as he holds you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head before pressing his cheek into your hair.  

“Mm, yeah. It’s a really good morning after all.”  

“You’re stupid.”  

“And you love me,”  

You fail trying not to smile.  Damn him. You're so happy it hurts. You roll your eyes.

“I guess so.”  

[kotoku]

may we have some platonic dunmeshi headcanons where the reader is a half elf and Marcille’s friend who she went to magic school with (up until the reader dropped out) and they’re sorta her opposite? (in a complimentary way)

think like Eda and Lilith from the the owl house (season 2)

the touden party with a half-elf! reader

content - half elf and half tall-man applied to reader / pre-storyline and current storyline / platonic headcanons / marcille and reader are childhood friends who are the complete opposite of each other

pairings - laios touden & half-elf!reader / chilchuck tims & half-elf!reader / marcille donata & half-elf!reader / senshi & half-elf!reader / izutsumi & half-elf!reader

warnings - a bit of spoilers towards the end of marcille’s part

note - i hope i did this right ! if i didn't please let me know and i can always rewrite it to your taste. ^^

word count - 1.8k

background - You were a mix of elf and tall-man attending magic school as a researcher alongside your childhood friend Marcille. The two of you were inseparable while growing up, despite your contrasting personalities. 

Eventually, Marcille introduced you to a new friend named Falin, a student attending the school. You knew that Falin was considered an outcast by the rest of the students, but you took the time to get to know her and the three of you became close friends.

With Falin disappearing, you and Marcille were very worried until you received a request from said woman. With you and Marcille making your way to the island to reunite with Falin, you had felt a bit nervous about the idea of meeting her brother and venturing into the dungeon. 

✤✤✤✤

✢  You had heard of Laios from Falin, who seemed very passionate about her brother, always referring to his hard-working and caring nature (..and weirdness…)

✢ Unlike Marcille who had been wary upon first meeting him, you were quite open and friendly to the blond tall-man, despite your quietness

✢ Laio’s is honestly a bit nervous when meeting you, hardly encountering any elves in his homeland and on the island 

✢ As time goes on though, the two of you become inseparable, always looking out for each other and protecting Falin and Marcille 

✢ Sometimes, when you two are the only ones up during the night, you’ll make conversation with the blond, listening to his monster ramblings and such

✢ Laios is grateful to have you around, appreciative of your active listening and engagement with his rambles (and for being Falin’s friend)

✢ When Falin is eaten by the red dragon, you stay back with Marcille (of course, determined to get your close friend back

✢ During the nights that are rough on Laios, you are there to silently comfort him, offering him your company and support 

✢ Laios was never bothered by your lack of words, finding your true intentions and emotions through your actions (he was super observant of you and understood most of your mannerisms)

✢ Forgot to mention this but… When Laios finds out that you're actually half-elf like Marcille, he’s pretty surprised and is interested in your background (was your mom an elf and dad a tall-man? or the other way around?) 

✤✤✤✤

✢ Chilchuck respects you in a professional sense, not really interested in you at first, only asking questions about your magic abilities and skills

✢ Honestly, I think the two of you wouldn’t get along in the beginning, not because you hate each other, but because you’re so quiet and he’s just weirded out by you 

✢ It isn’t until the two of you are drinking that he lets a little loose and inquires more about the kind of magic you use, etc…

✢ It is during this time that he gets to know about you (your background, your schooling, your interests..etc…), dropping the professionalism

✢ You don’t really get to know much about him, to your annoyance 

✢ It isn’t until during one of the party’s night watches, where you are unable to sleep and are left with Chilchuck who was on first watch, that you get to know about him (about his 3 kids, his situation with his ex-wife, etc…)

✢ It takes time for him to fully open up to you, but when he does, he just gives you crumbs of his lore (you are left to piece it all together)

✢ During this time you grow to respect each other, having the other’s back during fights and brawls

✢ Chilchuck, though he’d never admit it, would be grateful for your presence in the party, finding you the most tolerable member there 

✢ He’s hesitant to call you his friend, but just slowly accepts that fact (the same for the rest of the party)

✢ When you reveal the fact that you're a half-elf half-tall-man like Marcille, he’s taken aback but doesn’t view you any different

✢ He likes you the way you are and it’ll be hard for his feelings to budge about you, so don’t expect him to be fawning over you being 50/50 or rejecting you for being 50/50

✤✤✤✤

✢ Ahh Marcille… Your childhood friend

✢ Growing up alongside Marcille, the two of you know all about each other (likes, dislikes, goals, her obsession with The Daltian Clan…)

✢ I can picture the two of you having a self-care night, doing face masks, cleaning up your nails, playing with each other's hair, etc…

✢ People are surprised by the harmony between you and Marcille, as she is much more expressive and hot-headed and you’re more reserved and relaxed

✢ It is these differences that bring you two closer, as Marcille finds your personality enjoyable to have around (it’s like a breath of fresh air for her)

✢ The two of you have different areas of magic that you research, but attend the same magic school as Falin

✢ You have been through thick and thin with Marcille, whether it was enduring the hardships of studying, traversing the dungeon, eating monsters, and eventually rescuing Falin 

✢ Honestly, it feels nice knowing that she’s not the only half and half in.. basically the community the two of you grew up in

✢ Marcille would definitely go to you to talk about The Daltian Clan, even if you don’t even read it

✢ She’s able to confide in you her difficulties of being both an elf and tall-man, and you’re welcome to do the same with her

✢ Marcille is so grateful to have you as a friend, finding comfort in your presence during your adventures in the dungeon

✢ She’s especially grateful to have you during Falin’s disappearance, promising to protect each other as you venture deeper

✢ SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA !! You’re probably the first person that’s able to break through to Marcille during her uh, time as Dungeon Lord

✢ With your convincing and your friends’ support, you were able to help calm her down 

✢ When all is said and done, you and Marcille are ecstatic to have Falin back and celebrate by having a sleepover (to catch up on everything, yknow)

✤✤✤✤

✢ Senshi’s first impression of you is that you’re a quiet but talented fella

✢ Although he’s not a fan of magic, he does find some of the spells you cast to be quite useful and efficient (he acknowledges your dedication to researching your area of magic)

✢ He is pleased to see that you aren’t reluctant to try dungeon food, offering lessons on how to make some of them

✢ You end up being his little assistant, aside from Laios, helping him with cutting up ingredients or doing certain things

✢ Sometimes you’ll be open to Senshi teaching you how to do things without magic

✢ Of course, Senshi is very insistent that you eat and rest properly (it’s especially important since you need mana)

✢ I can see Senshi forming a bond akin to a grandpa and his grandkid, trying to protect you during fights but you end up defending him more often than not (there are times he comes in clutch though)

✢ Senshi comes to understand your quiet behavior, like Laios, he can read your emotions and intentions through your actions

✢ Senshi is your No. 1 supporter, encouraging you if you’re learning how to do something and supporting you during rough nights

✢ He’s honestly a bit confused about how you and Marcille are friends, given your differing personalities, but sees how compatible the both of you are

✢ When he finds out that you’re half-elf and half-tall-man, he..doesn’t really care, that information doesn’t change his perception of you in any way

✢ Senshi will listen to you whenever you need to rant about something, he knows that bottling up your emotions can eventually lead to outbursts so he’ll be a shoulder for you to lean on

✢ He gives great advice, sometimes you’ll consult him on night watch or when you’re helping him cook

✢ Senshi deeply respects you and is grateful to have you around, he enjoys the company a lot

✤✤✤✤

✢ Izutsumi is initially interested in you, curious if you can rid her of her beastkin side

✢ However, she becomes disinterested in you when she realizes you can’t haha…

✢ She’s confused about how you and Marcille are friends, but doesn’t think about it too much (she applies her experiences with Tade with you and Marcille)

✢ Unlike Marcille who openly dotes on Izutsumi, you’d quietly show your care by letting her have some of your food, handing Marcille some products to use on Izutsumi (you’ll be damned if you’re scratched), etc…

✢ You’d probably be the best person to deal with Izutsumi though, you’d just pinch the certain space on her neck to have her freeze (you’d have some knick knacks to stun her)

✢ If Izutsumi bit or scratched you, you’d put a cone or some mittens on her 

✢ She hates you for that but understands it hurts so she tries not to act on her feelings, grumbling about it instead

✢ Gradually, Izutsumi grows closer to you, listening to you talk about your background and research with interest

✢ She’d ask some questions about what you do, inquiring more if something piques her interest

✢ When the party is sent to the Golden Castle, she’ll become clingy to both you and Marcille, pawing at you for pets and scratches which you happily accept

✢ Sometimes she will sleep at the foot of your bedroll, curling in on herself as you sleep above her

✢ When she finds out you’re half-elf, she also doesn’t care 

✢ She’ll treat you the same regardless so you don’t need to worry about any changes

[altocat]

Need soft glenn and miniroth headcanons 🥺🥺🥺

Time to ruin everyone's day I guess (with feels) ❤️

Sephiroth and Glenn get into stupid arguments all the time. Glenn is the only one who can influence Sephiroth into acting immature and petty, pouting and sulking whenever he doesn't win.

They make up by way of doing something selfless for one another--aka recklessly defending each other to the death in battle.

Glenn is fond of giving Seph a friendly nudge or ruffling the boy's hair, laughing when Sephiroth glares up at him, pretending to be annoyed and not secretly relishing the attention.

Sephiroth offhandedly copies Glenn's movements from time to time, including some of his mannerisms. The others notice with amusement that Sephiroth occasionally mimes a lot of Glenn's posture and battle stances from time to time.

Glenn brought bucketloads of snacks for the trip to the island. And he wasted literally all of it by shoving it onto Sephiroth to try.

Glenn is the first person to ever refer to Sephiroth as "Seph".

Glenn is also the first person who is instantly up and on his feet during the night whenever Sephiroth has one of his strange nightmares--you know, the one with the red-eyed monster that calls to him from the shadows. Seph's been having that one for a while now. Weird.

Sephiroth has saved Glenn from drowning eight different times. Glenn must have a death wish around water because Sephiroth is SERIOUSLY getting tired of plucking him out of the rapids.

Sephiroth envies Glenn's height. Glenn good-naturedly tells him he still has a lot of growing to do--don't worry! Sephiroth hopes he's taller than Glenn one day. Good news, he will be!

Sephiroth is very interested in Glenn's signature red jacket. Glenn has promised him that once this job's over, Sephiroth can keep the damn thing--it's already a wreck after weeks in the elements. Sephiroth covets the jacket greatly and holds him to it.

Sephiroth and Glenn occasionally train together, though it's mostly Glenn just trying to keep up. Sephiroth really does try to go easy on him.

Other times, they disappear out into the forest together, gone for hours at a time. They're patrolling, in a sense. But mostly just taking a long walk, neither talking. Glenn sometimes notices Sephiroth shuddering, likely triggered on by a bad memory or two. He keeps beside the boy, offers a quiet pat every now and then. It seems to help.

Sephiroth will never, ever say it out loud. But he wishes he'd known Glenn earlier. Being around Glenn is the safest he's felt in years, as well as the happiest. They've known each other for such a short time and yet it means so much.

And as it turns out, it meant more to Sephiroth than he'd ever begun to imagine.

There is a portrait of Rufus Shinra in the lower level of Shinra HQ. Word on the street was that it was vandalized in the quiet of the night, the only investigative clues at the scene being a few empty liquor bottles and the broken remains of a switchblade.

The eyes have been completely scratched out, the frame heavily damaged, a single line of jagged text lacerated beneath the young vice president's image.

M u r d e r e r

[quirkystories]

Imagine: When they have a crush...PART 1

Contains: possessive behavior, rejection, mild obsession, some unhealthy behaviors, lovestruck boys.

Midoriya - Midoriya is, predictably, a stammering red mess around his crush. He struggles to get words out, or think of the right thing to say. He will often start rambling and just go on and on until somebody interrupts him. Midoriya struggles between either avoiding his crush due to his anxiety, or seeking them out in order to be close to them. And, as much as being near them sends his heart racing and has him breaking out into a panicked sweat, Midoriya really wants to be around them.

Midoriya is highly emotional and feels things deeply. Even before he realizes the truth behind his feelings, he comes to adore this person and admires almost everything about them. In his eyes, they are flawless. He often fights with the urge to confess his feelings to them...They could be sitting somewhere just having a casual conversation, and Midoriya may sense his emotions beginning to overwhelm him - and the words nearly spill from his mouth. 

He will often stare at them dazedly, with a soft smile on his face, while admiring something about them - it could be anything from their smile, the way they tuck their hair behind their ears, or something sweet that they just said. Midoriya admires kindness and courage. He admires someone who looks after others - someone who looks after him.

Midoriya may hesitate to confess his love simply due to feelings of inadequacy - what if he isn't good enough? Strong enough? What if his crush deserves someone better? These feelings give him further motivation to become both a stronger person and a more capable hero - this will especially be the case if his crush is also an aspiring hero. If his crush is a civilian, they imbue him with an even stronger urge to protect.

Despite his inner trepidation, Midoriya will try to at least talk and associate with his crush. If they ever need help with anything, he stumbles in with a solution and a flustered offer of assistance. 

Midoriya will likely start a separate journal dedicated solely to his crush. It’s inevitable. It's his habit to write about subjects that he finds interesting - so the young hero attempts to quell the feeling that what he's doing may be perceived as weird or creepy. 

But, yet again, he can’t help it - Midoriya's just so smitten, and collecting information about a subject, to him, simply means that he's passionate about said subject. He also writes about his friends’ quirks after all. The major difference is that, rather than just any information about his crush’s quirk (if they have one), Midoriya will additionally document every other little thing he manages to learn about them...Their favorite color, favorite food, their hobbies...Everything.

If his crush wound up with someone else other than him, or simply rejected him, it’s no understatement that Midoriya would be heartbroken. It would take him a very long time to get over this crush - he would always refer to them as his “first love.”

Todoroki - Todoroki will likely understand quickly when he has a crush on someone, as such emotions entail feelings of attachment, fondness, and a desire for companionship, all of which Todoroki is not accustomed to feeling. Also, Todoroki is not all that invested in romantic relationships - that is, until this person comes around. He will quickly come to realize that this person is special...

He will both consciously and subconsciously seek them out. Todoroki has spent much of his life isolated and starved for affection, so when he finds someone who makes him feel differently - warm and happy - he is drawn to them like a moth to a flame (ha).

He is genuinely a caring person, but he will be even more caring and attentive to his crush. He notices his crush falling behind in their studies? He will offer to tutor them. Not getting enough to eat amidst a hectic schedule? Todoroki will bombard them with information on the importance of proper nutrition and personally escort his crush to a restaurant to make sure they eat. He will be paying, of course, calmly stating that he invited them after all. Todoroki can’t even imagine having his crush pay for anything, whether or not the two of them are romantically involved. 

If his crush is a UA student like himself Todoroki will, of course, be constantly concerned for their well being, but will also be willing to help them hone their skills. He has the urge to protect them and wishes to be relied upon by them. At the same time, he understands the importance of them being able to fight for themselves. 

Still, deep down, he often wishes to be relied upon more by his crush. It may very well be the more domineering part of his personality coming through - a side that Todoroki wasn’t even aware that he had. However, even if he tries to deny it, Todoroki does have certain “alpha” tendencies; and they show in his actions and feelings toward his significant other.

Todoroki will often do certain amorous, or “romantic” things unknowingly. To him, he is simply being himself and being honest. He’s not necessarily shouting his feelings from the rooftops, but he is certainly being particularly nice to his crush - his feelings are pretty clear to most people observing him. His crush, even if they don’t completely catch onto Todoroki’s true sentiments, will still be flustered by his unusual actions. The way he smiles so kindly at them, his eyes focused on them as if they’re the center of his world. The way he just comes up and automatically takes something heavy from their hands, saying that he’ll help and that it’s no good if they hurt their wrists. The way he compliments them on modifications on their hero costume - a color change? It suits them. Matches their eyes. 

Todoroki takes his feelings fairly seriously, considering how rare they are for him. He doesn’t get frivolous crushes. He doesn’t want to lose touch with these emotions...For the first time in a long while, he knows what he wants. But these feelings come with fresh fear - will he able to protect someone who he cares so deeply for, after he failed to protect his mother? What if his beloved gets hurt? What if he wants to control and dominate them, force them into something that they don’t want, much like the cruelty that his father inflicted upon his mother? Once these fears surface he may start unwillingly distancing himself from his crush, but quickly discovers that he can’t - he just wants to be around them all the time, they’re his light in the encroaching darkness.

If his crush winds up with someone else, or denies Todoroki’s feelings, Todoroki will be left cold inside. He will be deeply hurt after allowing himself to feel such things - for having such high hopes, only to discover that they were nothing but distant fantasies. For some time he will lock that hurt away and pour himself into his hero work. But slowly, he will attempt to deal with the experience and how it made him feel. It would take him a long time to allow himself to feel that way again. 

Bakugou - Bakugou is in denial at first. Hard, steadfast denial. He isn't an idiot - deep down, Bakugou knows what these feelings are. Even if he’s never felt them before - he knows. But he will constantly deny them for a long time...He's a future pro-hero in training! He doesn't have time for stupid, meaningless crushes!

His denial will only make things worse as it will cause his emotions to boil over. As much as he tries to avoid looking at his crush, his eyes are drawn to them. As much as he tries to avoid contact with them, his legs automatically carry him to wherever they may be. As much as he tries not to admire ANYTHING about them, he finds himself doing the exact opposite - admiring their body, their voice, their jokes, their laughter, how their clothes hug their figure just so. Bakugou likes a spitfire, someone who doesn’t take any shit. They don’t necessarily have to be loud and abrasive, they can just as easily be someone quieter and intense. Point is, they’re strong and confident. 

With that attraction to personality comes a potent physical attraction. Bakugou is a very healthy young man - he has urges. And it’s not long before he finds himself fantasizing about his crush. These fantasizes both arouse and embarrass him. He feels as if he’s at the mercy of someone - that this person has the ability to hurt him, to affect him. And Bakugou Katsuki does not need mercy from anyone.

He doesn’t need them.

As a result of all these mixed feelings, Bakugou runs from the truth. He becomes further frustrated and angry. He takes all of this out on his crush, blaming them inside his head for all of his inner turmoil. Deep down - deep, deep down - he feels guilty for how he treats them. He almost wishes he could interact with them like the rest of his UA classmates - easily, in a friendly manner. But no, his pride won’t allow it.

Conversely, he becomes angry seeing his crush with anyone else, especially if the interaction appears romantic. He doesn’t consider how illogical his actions appear. One minute he’s making a fuss, berating his crush and whoever they’re with for spending time together. And the next minute, he’s belittling his crush and acting like they’re the scum of the earth. His crush is beyond confused. Some people in class 1A, notably Kirishima and Kaminari, may catch onto the fact that Bakugou has a crush.

Later on, when Bakugou matures somewhat as both a person and a hero, he may attempt to have a civil conversation with his crush. He may even try to hint at his feelings. But the damage will likely already be done. Bakugou would have to really put himself out there for there to even be a chance for his crush to accept him and his romantic feelings. But he’s persistent and will not take “no” for an answer that easily. He will attempt to wow them with his battle prowess and his hero work. And he will always be there to protect them and take a hit for them.

If denied, Bakugou is left angry and vindictive. Even though he’s aware that it’s likely his own fault that he was rejected Bakugou will still, in his bitter heart, blame his crush. They were a fool for rejecting him. Look at him. He’s famous, powerful, gunning for the position of the strongest hero in the world, he’s going to be making millions, he has so many admirers - who the hell would reject him???  

[footballxposts]

Sleeping With The Enemy - Jack Grealish Series❤️‍🔥 (Chapter Two) Curiosity

Warnings: just some more sexual tension for now hehe but y’all better be ready for the next few chapters cause god damn 🥵

Recommended listening: Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande (Slowed).

Quick A/N: if you can’t understand Scottish slang a will translate for you in the comments

Taglist: @storyofavengers @hotyeehawman

——————————————————————————

The rest of my first day working in Aston went much better than I had initially expected. We only had a few minor injuries so I spent most of my time just going through all the players files, mainly looking over their medical history and current rehabilitation plans. That being said, I found it so hard to concentrate as the only thing I could think about throughout the entirety of it was Jack’s words. They were etched on my mind like the winner of a tournaments name being engraved on a trophy. I was extremely thankful Alan had came back into the room when he did, because I really had no idea how to respond to Jack’s comment and to be quite honest, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to.

Now arriving back at Bodymoor Heath training grounds for what was going to be my second day, I tried my best to find a parking space. Spotting one, I positioned my car and took the keys out of the ignition. Just as I was grabbing my things so as that I could make my way into work, I noticed a familiar face walking across the car park and quickly ducked my head so that he wouldn’t see me. But he did. And instead of walking towards the building’s entrance, Jack Grealish was now headed towards my car.

He lightly tapped the window as I pretended to look for something. Giving me space to open the door he quickly stepped away. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest. What did he want? I’ll tell you what I wanted. I wanted to avoid him as much as possible so I wasn’t put in another awkward situation with him, but he really wasn’t making it at all easy. Stepping out and closing the door behind me, he began walking beside me.

“So how’s my girl Ella this fine morning?” he asked, his eyes watching me every step I took.

“Your girl?” I questioned back in a slightly nervy manner, trying to speed up.

“Come on, you know what I mean.” he teased, a smirk now spreading across his face.

“Uh no actually I don’t, because we’re not friends Jack.” I sighed, attempting to pull the door of the premises open but he had got there before me and was now holding it out wide for me.

“Oh really?” he raised his eyebrows in response. “What are we then?”. I hated to admit it, but his accent was honestly so damn attractive too, though I wanted to believe I only thought so because I had watched too much peaky blinders and he reminded me of Tommy Shelby. Standing in front of me and stopping me in my tracks to prevent me from moving any further, I gave him one of those ‘seriously?’ glares.

“Nothing.” I stated. “We’re just work colleagues. That’s it. Just two professionals getting on with their morning, or at least I’m trying to but someone is in the way.” His reaction was comical. Lightly scoffing with a small chuckle, he took a step closer to me, almost closing the distance between us. I was shaking like a leaf internally. He honestly made me so nervous, as if my anxiety didn’t already do a good enough job of that. I gulped as he parted his lips and got the final word in.

“Maybe.” he began. “But I’m hoping to change that sometime soon.” Giving me a smug wink, he moved out of the way and began walking down the corridor the opposite way. I stood there for a few seconds, which felt more like minutes, trying to process what he had just said. He was a very attractive man, and there was no denying it. But was he actually being serious? Only my second day here, and he’s already hitting on me like I’m a piece of fresh meat. Was this what he done with every new girl that started working here? And how many other females in the vicinity was he currently doing this with? Did he just think every girl would fall at his knees and give him what he wanted? And what made him assume I would? Or that I even wanted to? Feeling slightly nauseous at all thoughts and questions now racing through my mind, I shook my head and made my way to my section of the workplace.

A few hours had gone by of assessing more injuries and whatnot, and before I knew it, it was now lunchtime. Making my way to the canteen, a friendly face appeared beside me, this time being one I was more than happy to see. It was midfielder John McGinn, who I had had in the clinic earlier on that morning. He and I maintained a good conversation about various different things, mainly about Ireland and Scotland’s relationship. Now holding the door open for me, he perked up.

“Hello.” he smiled softly.

“Oh John, hi, everything alright?” I beamed back at him.

“Aye yeah no a wis just wondering if you wanted tae come have lunch with me since your friend isn’t in today and you probably don’t want to sit with Alan and stuff?” he asked with a strong Scottish accent and a hopeful look on his face. He was referring to Samantha, the girl I had met yesterday who worked as a nutritionalist. She had told me how happy she was to have a female the same age as her working at the grounds to and offered for me to come sit with her at lunch, to which I accepted but she had took a sick day today meaning I would probably have to sit and have lunch by myself.

“Oh okay, yeah.” I replied, “Thank you, that would be nice.”

The little grin that spread across his face as he opened the canteen door for me was the cutest. “Great, no problem.” he responded as I began to enter the large dining hall. We made our way over to the food court to get something to eat. Joking and laughing, I was caught in my tracks by a very serious looking Jack, who was now staring at us from where he was seated at one of the tables. Ignoring him, I diverted my attention back to the lunch lady who was placing my vegetarian lasagne back on my tray.

“Oh, sorry thank you.” I said, expressing my gratitude and moving on to get a drink at the end of the counter.

“Vegetarian huh?,” John raised his eyebrows at me.

“Umm yeah aha, I kinda have been for the past seven years or so.” I chuckled.

“Kinda? Whit ya mean by kinda?” He questioned.

“Well.” I began. “I eat chicken, but I don’t eat any other meat or poultry.” Giving me the biggest look of judgement he could muster up, he began to crack up. “No way! Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I know I know. It’s a bit of a weird one to be honest but it is what it is.” I muttered shyly.

“Naw naw, each to their own am no saying anything. But isn’t there a name for that itself?” he queried.

“Yeah pollotarian, but everytime I say that everyone tells me it’s not at real thing and I’m a nutcase and stuff. Besides, a pollotarian is supposed to eat all poultry and I don’t.” I answered, as we sat down at a free table.

“Aye well a canny say a dinnae agree with them.” he teased as the two of us broke out laughing. John was so sweet and wasn’t unattractive either, but even when it came to him I wanted to remain strictly professional. Jack’s eyes were still fixated on us with what I could only assume was jealousy and envy growing in them. Having enough, I watched as he forcefully stood up out of his chair and walked away out of sight.

“What’s his deal?” I asked John who now had a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth. “Who? Grealish?” he replied as soon as he had swallowed it. Nodding anxiously, he rolled his eyes and giggled again. “Ah, Jacky-boy, whit can a say? Serious baller, great hair, great legs. But a flirt and a wee heartbreaker anaw.”

“Oh really, how so?..” I lamented.

“Ah, it’s no really for me to say sorry darlin, but am sure one of his previous conquests could fill you in if your paths cross. He’s no a bad guy, just done some silly things if you get me? How come you’re asking anyways?” he interrogated, nudging me with his elbow.

“Oh I was just wondering..” I trailed off.

“Naw, no way. Has he already tried tae make a move on you?”, an amused look now appearing on his face.

“Not exactly, but I think he’s planning to try to.”

“Aye right a see. Well, word to they wise, as much as a love Jack, if you’re looking for something serious, he’s no the way to go about getting it. A wid focus on your work if a were you.”

To indicate that I understood, I nodded slowly. But why did part of me also feel slightly disheartened and disappointed? I kept trying to remind myself that Jack Grealish was the ultimate no go; not only because I had only started working here and I wanted to keep everything strictly professional, but also because I don’t think I could every forgive myself, let alone my country or the world if they knew. He was supposed to be the enemy. Well, not so much the enemy, but the traitor and rival. However, there was just something about him that made me want to do so many things that I know shouldn’t.

After finishing lunch, I said goodbye to John and set about returning to the clinic. As I exited the canteen door, I felt an arm grab me and pull me into an empty office. Struggling to make out who it was initially, the smell of cologne mixed with sweat that was becoming overly-familiar helped me to quickly register.

[saladejin]

Admire | 07

Seokjin x Fem!Reader | arranged marriage!au, husband!Seokjin | Strangers to lovers, angst, self discovery, loneliness in luxury, touch starvation (eventual smut), eventual domestic fluff

Summary: You’d never needed anyone else. Growing up alone, living alone, existing alone. It all came naturally and effortlessly, quite like breathing. That was until your somewhat distant parents finally decided it was time to make good on a promise. One they’d made before you were even born.

Warnings: Things are getting a lil saucier

Word Count: 5k

A/N: Whew, finally we’re up to date. I FINALLY got around to re-editing and revamping this latest chapter, but once again I’m sorry for the delay on it. Now I can start focusing on my wips :))

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The driver bid you both a chaste farewell and soon you were making your way up to house both of you had grown used to sharing. These days, it was simply your safe space, a place you’d slowly begun to warm up to, where you could live and work peacefully in the unimposing presence of your husband, who worked equally as hard for his family.

This was your place to finally belong, the stupidly large mansion that could house ten more of you plus your family with ease, but alas it was still your mansion.

Our … mansion. 

You couldn’t recall the moment where you’d begun to think of it as a home rather than a house. In your mind, it wasn’t really the house itself, but rather the people who lived there that made it a place you could truly call home.

You looked over to Seokjin and suppressed a sigh of built up emotion. The man was currently bringing most of the bags inside without a hitch, making use of his broad shoulders and hauling weight as if he weren’t wielding enough hierarchical power to get it brought in for him by the driver. Watching the scene only reminded you of how much had changed during your time away. 

For one, Seokjin had shocked you with how easily he’d adapted to the different atmosphere and routine. There were no complaints from him about accommodation, food, or even the over-the-top rowdiness and friendliness of the company. He’d taken it all on board with a curiosity you honestly found adorable, and even adopted some of the various mannerisms. Watching him carrying all the luggage inside was just an example of his new way of living, one you chose to call ‘like a normal person’.

You were also growing closer somehow. The usually stoic man had opened up significantly, and you were discovering new things about him just as quickly as he discovered them himself. For instance, he found an enjoyment for cooking after helping some of the uncles with their traditional barbeque, he’d shown interest in acquiring a guitar for himself as soon as he could, and he was becoming more talkative as he began relaxing his hold on the professional barrier between you.

It was as if he was finally allowing himself to live the kind of life he always wanted. No luxurious parties, no expectations, no having to save face with every public outing. You were a messy mixture of nerves, uneasiness, and excitement at the prospect of getting to know Seokjin for who he was.

He had to discover who he was first, though.

“Dinner will be delivered soon.” His voice filtered out from the kitchen area distantly, and only then you realised you’d been standing in the front entrance in a daze. Lost in your thoughts like a fool. Even so, it was hard to miss the odd note hidden deep within his tired voice.

“Why do you sound disappointed? Is it not what you wanted?” you queried while leaving your bags at the front door for someone to collect later. You made your way into the living room with probing eyes, trying to find where his voice was coming from before spotting his black mop of hair scattered on the back of the lounge.

He didn’t respond at first, only met your gaze with his own investigative ones. You sat down heavily on the other lounge with a sharp exhale. Seokjin drummed his fingers against the leather while lifting one leg to cross over the other elegantly, and you knew he was just trying to avoid talking about what was on his mind.

“You can tell me, you know.” You rolled your eyes at his silence.

He ran both hands through his hair roughly and you almost felt breathless at how messy he’d made himself, like he’d just rolled out of bed. Considering you were both still in your casual clothing from the road trip, it was a sight that made your whole body tingle with a fondness you couldn’t explain. You were just beginning to see more of his hidden personality, and that made you happy in some indescribable way.

“I don’t know, I was hoping to actually try and cook something for once. Like hyung was telling me…”

“Oh? there’s that word again,” you chuckled, trying to ignore the happy swell in your chest after hearing that he wanted to try cooking the same things from a few nights ago, “and you can get the grill out tomorrow night if you want.”

“Hmm, I’ll see how I feel. Anyway, what word?” he asked while sitting back and continuing to run his hand through his hair lazily, expression puzzled. You felt so annoyed at the longing you felt to be the one doing it for him. You had been wondering what his silky looking tresses had felt like for the longest time.

“Is it ‘hyung’?” You smiled in embarrassment, mouthing out the word carefully to try and pronounce it in an acceptable manner at least, though you could never hope to sound fluent right off the bat. Seokjin’s eyes fell to you as the word left your lips, the small lifting of his cheeks being the only hint that he was trying to suppress his amusement. The way his cocoa coloured eyes sparkled at the sound of his native tongue made your heart squirm.

“It’s a good attempt, but no it’s pronounced more like ‘hyeong’. Try it.”

“Hyung.”

“Yeah, that’s … better.”

You hid your grin with the back of your hand, eyebrows shooting up at his unsure sounding feedback. He even managed to crack a tiny smirk of his own, his full lips making him look even more model-like under the soft lighting of your living room.

“Hey, how am I meant to get it perfect straight away? Besides, I forgot what it means already,” you huffed, and brought your legs to tuck comfortably underneath you.

“It’s just a term we use to refer to older males,” he explained, letting his head fall back against the seat slowly. Seeing his eyes fluttering to a close made you wonder how tired he must’ve been feeling. After spending so much time interacting with strangers, and driving, and pretending to be your husband, you supposed.

The jarring noise of the doorbell brought you to your feet, and you went to collect your dinner from the front door as Seokjin gave a quiet nod.

Now that he’s brought it up, I think I’d prefer a home cooked meal too.

“So, am I meant to call you ‘hyung’?” You laughed inwardly while making your way back to him. You were excited to learn more about him now that he was opening up and unfurling in front of your eyes.

He had to purse his lips slightly to avoid smiling again. “No, and please don’t. It would feel way too odd to hear that from you.”

“Oh.” Your heart cracked a little, thinking of course he wouldn’t want his foreign partner to try and so poorly imitate something such as his native language, something he considered close to his heart and home. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t think-”

“It’s okay, it’s just that Korean women don’t use ‘hyung’. If you are female and want to refer to an older male, or partner…” He seemed to hesitate, as if rethinking his decision to elaborate on the subject at all. “Then you can call m- you can use ‘oppa’.”

You swallowed a mouthful of steak before attempting to copy him. “Oppa?”

Seokjin blinked before giving you a tiny nod. Not a single second passed before he was focusing back on his food, the conversation apparently hitting a weird place for him.

“I don’t have to go around calling you that. It’s not like I’m trying to adopt another culture,” you clarified for him, noting how his shoulders seemed to relax at your gentle tone. “I only want to understand you better, Seokjin.”

His hands faltered in their movements to cut the tender steak on his plate. You didn’t catch any change in his expression, as expected, but his eyes gleamed with something you could only describe as appreciation. A few months ago, neither of you probably thought you’d end up sharing your ethnic differences with one another over dinner like this.

The house had always been so silent with just the two of you, and your mind kept thinking back to your old home where there were always maids, cooks and butlers milling about. It struck you as a little peculiar, so you decided to ask.

“Sorry to change the subject, but why is it that your mother requested there to be no live-in staff here?”

Seokjin continued to eat slowly but looked up with a thoughtful gleam in his eye. “I was confused too, but she always brushed it off. Something about family traditions requiring minimal interferences? I didn’t really get it since I’d never heard of said ‘tradition’, but I never really understood her methods anyway.”

Oh…

Your face burned as you understood what he was saying. It was almost laughable, how oblivious he was to his mother’s implications. The thought probably never crossed his mind that she could be referring to the two of you having sexual relations in some way. Well, why should the thought cross his mind?

This was never meant to be anything more than a fake relationship, an array of masks worn only to fool them into believing it was true. It was easy to understand why his mother would think accordingly. You had been trying to trick her, but perhaps you’d been just a little too convincing.

“Yeah, weird huh?” You cleared your throat, offering to take up his dish as you both finished off the meals. The case of the understaffing was forgotten as you moved back to where your husband was half sprawled on the couch, but now the quiet hum of the television accompanied the room and you were thankful to have something filling the silence. Even if it was something was simple as slightly muffled voices from the people on the big screen.

You plonked back down on the leather and felt relaxation crawl up your spine in the best way. You were slowly beginning to believe that there was almost nothing better than this. Spending a night at home with someone you cared about, watching a movie or TV show, nice and warm and comfortable.

You briefly registered that in your current position, Seokjin’s arm that’d been outstretched along the back of the seat now rested just behind your neck. You thought nothing of it, knowing he sure as hell wouldn’t, but let your imagination take the reins at all the possibilities presenting themselves.

Imagining a smile tugging at his lips as he brought his arm down to drape across your shoulders. His warm hand as it cupped your jaw, a gentle thumb drawing tiny circles into the flushing skin along your cheekbone. You imagined the feeling of your smaller hand travelling up the hardened expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the lean muscle and taut ridges underneath the flimsy barrier separating skin from skin.

You felt your face flush further in surprise when your daydream was snapped away into thin air, the cushion underneath you squeaking as he suddenly moved from his slumped position.

“I’m about ready to call it a night. The driving must’ve taken more out of me than I thought,” he said while sporting a grunt of effort, his face wincing at the pop of his joints once he stretched his long legs out. As he brought his arm inwards to follow suit, you felt the slightest brush of his fingers graze your neck. The small shudder that racked your body from the sensation was instantaneous, and you knew that your shameless imagination from earlier had made the cravings for his touch worse.

Unintentionally, your body shifted to try and follow his hand before you managed to will yourself into a stiff, unmoving statue.

Shit, what was that?

You closed your eyes and blew out your cheeks in annoyance, directed at nobody but yourself. Was it really all becoming too much for you the handle at this point? When had you become so … pathetic and needy? This wasn’t like you at all.

It was only then you realised Seokjin hadn’t moved since your loss of inhibitions. You wrenched your eyes open and glanced over to him, knowing full well that his observant gaze had seen the entire display from beginning to end. Oh God no!

“(Y/n), I’ve been thinking,” came Seokjin’s voice through the robotic sounding laughs emitting from the speakers of the television. He was holding his arm awkwardly in the air just above his own lap, as if it had been electrocuted and was no longer capable of moving.

“About what? Oh, when is our next event? I forgot to ask you earlier,” you uttered faintly, trying to cover up your reddening face with one hand. There was no way he was going to let what happened slide, you knew just by seeing the pointed look in his curious dark eyes. He lowered his arm and kept his eyes fixated on your jittery form.

“Not for ages, but anyway that’s not what I was thinking about,” he said with a lazy mumble to his voice that was honestly just a little too low, teetering on seductive but obviously unintentional.

You mentally implored him to forget your stupid reactions. It was getting out of hand and you were already trying your best to rein yourself in.

“Oh?” You raised a brow, waiting for the inevitable questioning that was surely coming your way.

In all honesty, you just wanted to go shower and sleep for the next week. During the trip you’d had so many restless nights, being too caught up on the whole sharing a bed situation. It got better as time went on, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t meant to be there in between the sheets with him. Every time, you held yourself back from the urge to touch him and shuffle closer to his side.

Rein it in. Rein-

Seokjin finally parted his lips in to respond, “It’s just that I can’t help noticing how you get lost in your thoughts lately, along with all the other odd reactions. You keep getting this look on your face, like you’re longing for something, and I can’t help but think back to what you were saying at Taehyung’s party.”

Okay, well this was a bit more than you expected. You felt shivers of humiliation travelling up your skin at the thought of him noticing your fantasizing, of all things. Were you really becoming that obvious even in a state of subconscious? Damn, things were really worse than you thought.

“What? At Tae’s party?” you murmured, trying to awkwardly laugh it off in the process. How did he manage to call you out like that with the straightest of faces? It was almost unfair that he could be so serious and not become affected by these things.

“Yeah,” Seokjin continued. “How you said you craved human touch all the time because the way you grew up left you wanting. I realised during the trip, how content you looked when you were receiving affection from your family members … and me.”

You snapped your eyes up to him, looking to see if his expression would give anything away about what he was thinking even though you knew it was futile. To your shock, his face actually wasn’t the same blank slate you were used to seeing when he pondered. For the first time, you saw him show slight apprehension as he nibbled on his plush bottom lip.

‘And me’ he’d said. You were suddenly thrown back to that one night in the motorhome, which honestly seemed like a mere fever dream, where he’d run his hands along your body and held you close for the first time. That first night you had shared the same bed, and all the dams had broken within you.

It was the night I opened up to him, and maybe that was when he decided to do the same.

“So, I want-”

He cut himself off and sat forward, looking so bewildered and lost that you were beginning to grow concerned. At the recollection of all these memories, you were already feeling vulnerable and ashamed. His vagueness was not helping you keep your shit together.

“I want you to show me what you mean. What are you asking for when you say those things?” He finished by clasping his hands together and looking up at you as hopefully as he could, which was minimal for him. You couldn’t really believe your ears at this point.

“Show you?” you repeated in disbelief. “H-how?”

“Show me what you need,” he rephrased, straightening his back slightly and fiddling with his fingers.

It was a cute little habit you’d never seen before, but your brain could barely register that when you were already reeling from what he was saying. He was close enough that you could catch the scent of his faint cologne, and it was making your head spin faster and faster. The quiet sound of the television faded out as you focused on his beautiful eyes right in front of you.

“You want me to touch you?” You tilted your head, feeling like you were having an out-of-body experience when he nodded to confirm your suspicions.

“If that’s what you want.”

It was strange, not knowing whether to feel happy or whether to feel humiliated, or relieved, or even saddened; all because of your neediness that he’d seen way too many times.

“Okay.”

Your shoulders sagged in a strange sense of defeat. This whole impasse had been your weakness from the start, and now it was finally coming to light. You were ready to help him understand things from your point of view, and maybe he would start to see why you’d been acting this way.

He’d grown up in a similar environment, even despite some stark differences. Why couldn’t there be just a small chance that he might relate somehow?

“What do you feel when you get close to another person?” you asked softly, untangling your feet from under each other and resting them squarely on the ground in front of you. It was intimidating to look up at his looming figure this boldly, yet being so close to his body heat only seemed to put you more at ease.

You wanted to fall into him and have him cradle you in his arms, but you knew that if you were going to show him the right way, you needed to take it slow.  

“I don’t feel so different. It doesn’t happen often, actually,” he mused while keeping his eyes focused on you. “When I see my mother at galas or balls, I suppose it just feels like I want to get away.”

You stifled a chuckle at the thought of his mother’s smothering putting him off. It was like that for so many kids out there, but you couldn’t share that feeling when it was lucky for you to even see your mother once in a while. Seokjin’s tensed frame seem to falter slightly when you knowingly smiled up at him. Gone was the shyness, the tiptoeing, the never-ending feeling of restraint.

This was your husband in front of you, and now he was asking you to touch him.

“That’s understandable Seokjin, but I mean in other instances where it’s perhaps more welcomed, or even instigated mainly by you. Say, you see your brother after a long time, so you hug him. Yes?”

The man’s black hair bounced slightly as he nodded. You hadn’t made any moves to be closer to him yet, and you could sense his confusion, but truly it was best to go gradual for him to understand. Rather than you just throwing yourself at him in a barrage of limbs.

“How does that make you feel, compared to how you feel normally?” you tried again, your eyes wide with a curiosity that probably burned even brighter than his. A month or so ago, you never would’ve thought you’d be having such a close and intimate conversation about his relationships.

Clearly, the road trip had not only changed you both in multiple ways, but it had also changed the very dynamic tying you together. The foundations of your relationship, and what it meant to each of you. The man sitting before you now was nothing but a far cry from the man you’d once faced at the altar. As foolish as it was, you could not be prouder of him.

“I suppose I was taught to just do it in certain situations. I never thought about how it made me feel,” he offered in a low voice, brows furrowing as he tried thinking about how he could be more helpful. The slight pout to his pinkish lips had your heart beating erratically.

“Seokjin, do you care about me?” you asked, and time drew to a stop.

This was the kind of question you told yourself you would never ask him. It was almost impossible to answer considering your circumstances, and the owlish look in his eyes told you that you were right in thinking so.

“Yes.”

Your world resumed spinning, but the silence continued. Honestly, you didn’t think you would have kept it together if he’d answered no. You loved him, that much you were sure of, but before the holiday you had been confused about whether you cared for the man so strongly out of your pure desire for close friendship and companionship. You weren’t dense though. These feelings were far more than that, and you were an idiot for entertaining them.

You stared into each other’s eyes, trying to read foreign minds and figure out what it all meant. He cared about you, and you cared about him. That much was a given, but the true depth of that fact remained a constant unknown. He exhaled sharply, almost as if he couldn’t really believe he’d answered so sincerely. So quickly.

“I didn’t think I would, but since the beginning you’ve turned out to be quite different than who I thought I’d be married to. My life … changed, but it was seamless and easy compared to the complicated mess I thought I was going to have to deal with,” he explained with sad eyes. His gaze had been trained on the floor since he’d given you ‘yes’ as an answer.

You shifted closer and brought one hand up to lift his lowered jaw, angling it to face you so you could see his inquisitive eyes once more. His large hands remained clenched in his lap, unsure of what to do at this point.

“Seokjin I care about you too, so you don’t have to feel like you’re on your own here.” You laughed quietly, noticing his shoulders relax as you moved your hand up to rest on the side of his face. Your fingertips buried themselves into the shorter strands of his hair.

If only he knew the true extent of my feelings.

You cleared your throat, trying to push away the intrusive thoughts before they took over, and switched your teacher mode on quickly. “This is a … type of contact that you can kind of do anytime, and you can even play with the person’s hair, or just kind of massaging gently.”

You demonstrated by slowly bringing your hands up to run through his marvelous black locks, lips parting in amazement at the feeling of his soft hair you’d always imagined combing back with your fingers. Your other hand shaped itself to his face as you tried your best to stop yourself from leaning any further forward.

You couldn’t kiss him like this just yet. Not when it would actually mean something to him, for the first time.

“Why do you say ‘the person’s’? You know I wouldn’t have the nerve to try this with anyone else, right?” He murmured unexpectedly; his eyes somewhat nervous at what you were implying. You were quick to push your surprise away and nodded, because it was the only response you could think of.

He took a small but deep breath to regain himself, letting his stoic persona continue to melt underneath your touch. “May I?” he asked in a soft voice, and once again all you could do was nod your head.

He brought one of his hands up hesitantly and you couldn’t help a small fond smile at the way he was concentrating so intently on the movement. As soon as his hand made contact with the skin of your cheek, you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning into it. He watched in wonder as your eyes fluttered shut, his other hand now carding itself through your slightly messy hair.

If you’d been a cat, you were certain a distinct sound of purring would emanate from your throat.

He smoothed all your hair back until it was no longer ruffled, and then brought both hands back to cradle your face once more. You didn’t realise you’d been leaning forward and running your hands up his chest until the moment you reached his shirt collar, and your eyes zeroed in on the expanse of his neck just long enough to see his Adam’s apple bob up and down in a hard swallow.

“Um, now you can touch a bit lower if you want. Or just hold my hands if you’re more comfortable with that,” you breathed, trying to bring your thoughts to a focal point while removing your hands from him sharply. He looked so picturesque up this close. You just wanted to stay in this position for hours upon hours.

“Like this?” He voiced hoarsely. You tried to keep your breathing normal as one of his hands fell down to encompass yours, but the other traced the line of your jaw before gliding downwards and brushing against the tender skin of your neck. Just has he had in the beginning before all of this had started.

“Yeah.”

You almost whimpered at the tingling sensation, but kept it in for the sake of the exercise. This man was absolutely dangerous for your wellbeing. It wasn’t even his actions at this point, just his undivided attention and careful eyes tracing over the curve of your figure that had your insides turning to jelly.

“That’s probably enough for now. I can hear your brain working,” you spoke and let out an airy laugh when his fingers hesitated in their descent. It was as if he was trying to compute too much information at once, and somehow, the way he was trying his best was oddly charming.

He grunted. “I’m just- I’m trying to understand you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” you responded with a genuine smile, noticing how his words mirrored your own from earlier back when you’d butchered his native tongue. “Now I don’t know about you, but I’m so exhausted I could pass out.”

“Yeah, now I’m really calling it a night.” He cleared his throat with a sigh, mind clearly burning out from the overload of new experiences.

He stood from the couch so suddenly, a stiffness taking hold of his movements. Just what was going through his head at a time like this? You missed his close proximity almost immediately.

Like a robot programmed to move, you also heaved your body up from where it was beginning to sink into the cushions. This whole turn of events seemed unreal, and you could feel your heart still throbbing in your chest at the feeling of Seokjin underneath your fingertips. He had been so warm and had looked so beautiful.

You ran your fingers through your hair as the silence permeated the air, the only sounds being your husband's gentle footsteps as he packed away a few things around the house. You gathered your own bags from the front door and sluggishly traipsed towards your bedroom at the opposite end of the hallway.

I don't want to be on my own.

The invasive thought made you take a few shaky steps back. You were ready to put everything at risk and confess to him how lonely and in love you were, yet to your surprise the sound of his voice softly calling your name made you falter in your tracks.

You stood in the doorway looking outwards as he loitered in front of his own bedroom door at the opposite end, one large hand resting on the doorknob as if he'd been hesitating to open it.

"Did you hear me?"

You relaxed your stance, a sudden embarrassment beginning to settle in at how eager your movements were. "Yeah? What is it?"

Please let me stay with you. Please let me-

"Isn't it - doesn't it seem strange?" He seemed to inwardly backpedal all of a sudden, his pretty eyes falling to the floor and his slightly down-turned nose twitched in regret. "I mean, sorry if this is weird, but after sharing a bed for the entire road trip, doesn't it feel strange to suddenly go back to our own rooms?"

“Ah.” You somehow managed to suppress a hefty sigh of relief, pure ecstasy shooting through your body like some special brand of heroin. You tried to bump up his courage with a reassuring smile. "Jin yes, I still want to spend the night with you."

His eyes rose from the floor as the burden lifted from his mind, shoulders seeming to shake free the stiffness that had taken hold of them ever since the couch fiasco.

"I'm glad. Come over here then."

Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

[mittensmorgul]

Hi Mittens! Happy holidays! I love your meta and I had a question: I've seen you make a couple posts about Miracle lately, and while I'm definitely angry at canon replacing Cas with a dog, I was kind of taken aback at some of your comments about Dean and dogs (specifically how much you seem to hate that combination; I've never felt strongly about it one way or the other). Do you have a tag or post about your feelings on Dean and dogs? Or could you explain in a little more detail, please?

Hi hi!

Dean... has never been associated positively with dogs on this show-- up to and including that scene in Scoobynatural where he does the SCOOBYDOOBYDOOOOO! and Cas rolls his eyes and tells him flat out he’s not a talking dog. I mean, even in one of Sam’s heaven memories, he’s effectively replaced Dean with a dog... so while Dean was being implied-harshly-punished by John for “losing” Sam, Sam had been having the time of his life with a dog instead... Sorry, I’ve got a lot of resentment for dog symbolism in the show...

Cas has also been associated with dogs in a lot of... let’s go with derogatory comments, and since this dog in the finale was SPECIFICALLY a replacement for Cas in Dean’s life... I find it particularly insulting, you know?

5.14: We get dog comments about Cas and Dean both in this ep. Famine refers to Cas as Dean’s dog... “You sicced your dog on me, I threw him a steak.” And we see Cas crouched on the ground eating meat. Earlier in this ep, Sam teased Dean about his lack of any “appetite” for anything with the comment, “when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.“

7.21: after being banished, he reappears at a dog track, where the dogs were unhappy. so... Cas was basically just another unhappy dog in this part of the story.

10.22: Rowena compares Cas to a “dog who thinks he’s people” for being an angel who rejected heaven and chose his family with the Winchesters.

10.23-11.03: Cas is literally under a spell referred to as “Attack Dog,” which he fights against but is slowly turning him into a killing machine. He seeks help from Heaven, but they only want to use him, to torture information out of him and then kill him once they get what they want. It’s implied he even kills a dog in 11.01.

11.06: when Cas is in the bunker still suffering from trauma related to the attack dog spell, lying in bed and watching tv, he changes the channel to a news story about a dog riding a skateboard, and the newscaster uses Rowena’s line from 10.22: “Aw, that dog thinks it’s people!”

12.19: Lucifer refers to Cas as the Winchesters’ “purse dog,” and s12 is littered with dog references, especially between Lucifer and Crowley (which started back in s11 when Lucifer was using Cas’s vessel and treating Crowley like a dog... there’s a lot of negative baggage attached to dogs on this show)

13.16: Scooby is obviously the one dog Dean’s okay with, having positive childhood associations with him. But when comparing themselves to the scooby gang, Sam says they don’t have a talking dog, and Dean replies that Cas is sort of like a talking dog... which is interesting because at the end of the episode Cas tells Dean he’s NOT a talking dog. And this, in a scene that was directly foreshadowing Dean becoming Michael’s suit...again, more negative baggage for both of them.

The Dean vs Dogs imagery really kicks in when Dean’s soul is destined for Hell in s3, though.

3.10: In his rant to his dream self, Dream!Dean accuses Dean of being as “mindless and obedient as an attack dog,” just a few lines before he gives the “daddy’s blunt little instrument” line that Cas reminded us of in 15.18. So I do think this is something that the writers couldn’t possibly have been unaware of in invoking that specific line and the specific baggage attached to it.

3.11, one of the MANY deaths Dean suffers is from a seemingly nice dog he tries to pet in a friendly manner. The nice golden retriever mauls him to death, like the hellhounds are due to do to him in just a few short episodes... 

3.16: literally torn apart by hellhounds... don’t know how else to make it clear that Dean Is Not A Fan of this.

4.06: suffering from Ghost Sickness, and being magically forced to experience heightened levels of fear, he runs from a lil Yorkie with a bow in its hair, pausing only long enough to warn another person on the street to run before it kills them. We are invited to see how his biggest fear-- of Lilith, of being tortured in Hell, and having been dragged there by hellhounds-- is literally tied to his feelings toward actual dogs, including nonthreatening little lap dogs.

6.01: When Dean falls under the djinn’s spell, he hallucinates an unseen monster, presumably something akin to a hellhound, but when he thinks he’s caught the monster, it’s the neighbor’s Yorkie. Just like in 4.05, Dogs, Hellhounds, and Things Dean Fears In His Soul are all tangled up together.

6.08: aka that one episode I forget exists until it comes back around on the loop (actually I don’t forget it exists anymore, I’ve seen the show too many times at this point, but meh...). But it does plant this fear, that any dog anywhere might not really be a dog. The “sleeper cell” skinwalker packs in cities all over the world? Yeah, not a happy thought for someone who really doesn’t like dogs. Or at the very least has a low-key fear of them.

7.15: I would qualify this one as just “symbolism,” but since this episode is full of anvils, it feels legit to mention that the spell Jeffrey uses to summon his demon back to him involves using Dean’s blood and a dog’s heart. Not really a dean/fear thing, but Dean AS a dog-- and a sacrificed dog at that.

8.01: When Dean gets back from Purgatory, he gets in the Impala and smells dog. Bringing on the famous rule that he’s quite angry about Sam having clearly violated even when he wasn’t on the same plane of existence at the time-- No dogs in the car. He’s still clearly not a fan. Early s8 becomes a long string of “Sam hit a dog” comments, too.

8.15: for all this episode’s grossness, it does remind us over and over again that Dean really does not like dogs. Even flat out having Dean say he likes dogs, and the woman who literally is a dog familiar tells him that no, he doesn’t.

9.05: Dean... is basically a dog. He bonds with the Colonel a bit, even identifies with the dog while he’s under the spell, but all that good will that built up between them effectively shatters again with the ominous last words he gets before the spell wears off and the knowledge that dogs were not created to be man’s best friend, but had some other-- and in this context seemingly sinister-- purpose.

And then we have every other ep that deals with Hellhounds, Dean’s failure to kill one leading to Sam taking on the trials instead of him, tied up in their mutual discussion of what they see as their respective futures-- Sam wants to live, and he wants Dean to live, too, instead of Dean constantly running toward death and self-sacrifice. So like, these themes are all tied up together, and makes all the dog stuff incredibly not fun when it comes to Dean specifically.

So when Dean does lose Cas-- and everyone else on the planet-- the dog being the ONE living being they’ve found, Dean picking her up and putting her in “Cas’s place” in the car, only to have Chuck snap her away like she was a manipulative trick the entire time? Not even really real, just one more thing to give Dean a tiny bit of hope only to maliciously snatch it away again?

And then for the SINGLE thing Dean asked for from Chuck being to bring Cas back?

And then he doesn’t get Cas back, but apparently kidnaps this random dog instead?

It’s just... indescribably weird to me, and so entirely out of character and insulting to Cas on top of it all. Like this was the only happiness Dean was allowed after saving the universe. No found extended family, no life outside of Sam and hunting, no dream of retiring and finding a beach to sink his toes in the sand for a little while. He just gets a dog, which he canonically doesn’t like and has a lot of issues with for entirely understandable reasons. So like.. .how is this cute or happy or nice?

[misterewrites]

Cheers from Newton Haven ( Mirror’s Edge)

Hey everyone E here with a surprising amount original works. haha so you can blame my good friend @hains-mae for this because she enabled me. So long story short I love writing. I love creating ideas, story plots, characters all that jazz. Often there's a lot of leftovers that i put away in word document just so I have stuff to work with or ideas i can use later. Most of the time I might write something just to get it out of my system but it usually just ends up gathering dust in my computer.

I've been getting more into modern urban fantasy stories and watching the unsleeping city which is a modern dnd show (highly recommend it. first season's free on youtube over at the dimension 20 channel) and naturally I wanted to write some so here we go.

I don't know how often I'll be writing this because this accidentally became my side project whenever I need a break from the underground but who knows might turn into another big layered project.

so basic summary is there are a group of friends, associates, reluctant allies, organizations and frenemies who work together to keep the peace of the supernatural world in check and to ensure it remains secret to everyone else while living their lives as best as they can. Today's chapter includes Finnrick Drift a private investigator wizard and his best friend Casey Remington, cleric of the hearth

that's it for me. have a great week! stay safe, take care of each other. wear your mask, wash your hands, get the vaccine if you can and I'll see you soon!

and if you wanna an easier place to read and leave me some good old comments or reviews you find the chapter right here https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/75486005

Not gonna lie i promised I’d try to promote myself more and it’s weird. it feels so weird. haha 

It was a busy Friday afternoon in Midtown. People in designer named suits and dresses bustled across the sidewalks in all directions, too caught up in last minute phone calls or sudden late night work orders to notice anything else. The buildings that scraped the bottom of the sky were clean with a fresh coat of paint and maintenance, a testimony to the wealth and power that was found here.

So naturally Casey felt as out of place as fish out of water in his purple baseball jersey and black shorts just standing outside some fancy restaurants doors with his friend.

“Finny” Casey started awkwardly, his sea green eyes darting back and forth awkwardly “Any reason we’re out here being creepy? I got a Neighborhood Watch meeting at like 6.”

Finnrick or Finny as Casey referred to him, was no better dress than he was for the environment. A long black trench coat that was more stitching than fabric, a matching frayed faded fedora sitting comfortably on his head. He wore a nice collared dark red shirt tucked in a black vest but even that felt cheap and tacky compared to the thousands of dollars worth of clothing that passed them on the street every second. At least his black dress pants were dark enough to hide the patch up jobs and naturally the only kept squeaky clean were his loafers.

Finnrick sucked on the thin white stick for a moment before speaking up “I’m debating if it’s worth the trouble. I didn’t realize you had a meeting tonight.”

“Well we always meet up on the fifth. You know talking about treaties, clean up jobs, if any undead hordes have been spotted. My birthday cake.”

“Ah shit” Finnrick rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, his dark brown eyes apologetic “It’s your birthday? Did you want to go? I think I can handle it alone.”

Casey lifted the hat off Finnrick’s head and playfully ruffled his already messy black hair “You getting old Finny. My birthday is the tenth.”

Finnrick waved off his assault “I’m six months younger than you.”

“But” Casey gestured to the smattering of sliver streaks in Finn’s hair “You look older.”

“At least I don’t look like I’m 15. Dude you need a haircut. Everyone here thinks you’re a hippie.”

“A good looking hippie.” Casey gave a dramatic shake, his wavy dark brown hair flowing in the breeze.

The pair burst out laughing, doubling over trying to catch their breath as the business suits eyed them distastefully.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Finnrick made his way over, smiles and charm as they approached the doorman.

“Your cigarette sir.” The doorman spoke dully.

Finnrick pulled out the now finished lollipop “Don’t smoke but done anyway.”

The doorman gestured to the nearby trashcan but Finnrick opt to tuck it away in coat pocket. Disgusted but professional, the doorman gave strained smile as he allowed them entry into the building.

Casey nudged Finnrick curiously “Wizards? Warlocks? God not druids.”

“Probably. This is guy doesn’t have an ounce of magic in him but I wouldn’t doubt he’s got some casters on the payroll. Try not to leave anything behind.”

“I’m a freaking walking carpet here!”

“That” Finnrick grinned playfully “Is why you need haircut.”

Casey gave a fake snarl “Shut up and call the elevator.”

Finnrick whistled, amused by the near silence of the opening doors “Such fance. Barely a sound.”

“So what’s the plan?”

Finnrick scratched the little bush of hair he had on his chin thoughtfully “Ask some questions. Probably get no answers. Be threatened more than likely.

Casey cracked the tension in his neck “Think it’s gonna get ugly?”

“Depends on how many witnesses.”

The two made their way to the seventh floor, the elevator smoothly slowing to a stop before the doors opened with a ding. Two burly men in suits were waiting, flanked on either side as they gestured to an empty restaurant dining room.

“The boss will like to speak to you.”

Finnrick and Casey shared a look.

“Sure!” Finnrick beamed cheerfully, patting both the brutes arms as he passed “I was hoping to talk to him anyway.”

The men growled in annoyance but did nothing as Casey and Finnrick made their way to the center talk, unsurprised to find two glasses of wine waiting for them.

“After you” Finnrick joked, pulling out Casey’s chair for him.

Casey gave a mocking smile “Such a gentleman.”

“Only one I bet” Finnrick whispered before taking his seat.

Casey could hear the low hissing of whatever spells were on their chairs being dispelled.

Yep there was going to be trouble.

Casey eyed the room carefully in search for options: The room itself was pretty dark, dark reddish walls with dim lights to set the mood. Most of the tables had been left alone for whatever event this room was scheduled for later with the chairs stacked in the corner. A few feet to their left was the bar, unmanned but well stocked and a window to the outside nearby.

“Well, well, well!” A voice called out from some shadowy part of the room “Who do I have the pleasure of meeting this fine Friday afternoon?”

Finnrick rose to his feet, politely motioning to himself and Casey “My name is Fredrick and this is my friend Charles.”

The man’s hazel eyes shone with suspicion “No last names?”

“Of course” Finnrick grin “But there’s no need for friends, right? We are friends Robert?”

Robert paused, a barely contained rage shimmering just under the surface. His slicked back graying hair and tailored perfect dark blue suit were signs of a precise, irrational control. This was a man that was never told what to do and considered himself above everyone and anyone.

“Of course.” He answered a moment too late. He was not happy. “Of course. What are polite manners among friends?”

“Thanks Bobby!” Finnrick gave a friendly wink before retaking his seat.

Robert fumed but followed Finnrick’s example as a trio of secret service wannabes took their spots across the room: Inhumanly beautiful men with dark suits and shades. Something was off about them but Casey couldn’t put his finger on it.

“What do I owe the pleasure Freddy?” Robert sneered, hoping to see how Finnrick a taste of his own medicine.

“Well Bobby.” Finnrick went on, purposely ignoring the older man’s jab “As you know you have been stealing countless money from your employees.”

Robert chuckled darkly “I am afraid wherever you have been getting this claim is very misinformed. I am a simple, honest businessman.”

Finnrick nodded in agreement “Of course. Of course. That’s how you can say that with a straight face. Honest businessman of mundane practices.”

Casey felt his hair on his arm stand on end as the atmosphere in the room tensed. The brutes growled unhappily, the trio of bodyguards shifted uneasily and Robert’s eyes shone with understanding.

“I see.” He spoke simply “You’re from the other side.”

“Naturally.” Finnrick confirmed “No need to peer around the bush, is there?”

“No need at all. It is refreshing for such transparency. You don’t get that often in the world of business.”

“I doubt you give much either Mister Walker.”

“Enough games. What are you doing here? Some kind of union rep for magical freaks? Blackmailing me?”

Finnrick sat up with pride “Private investigator. Building a case against you actually.”

Robert carefully studied both men before him, trying to piece together their plan, their angle.

“Either.” He spoke after a few moments “You have all you need or more than likely you have nothing and you are simply here to smoke me out, hoping I will give you something to use against me.”

Casey felt Finnrick’s hand move underneath the table and a rush of chilly air brushed his leg.

Casey gave a quick nod to let Finn know he understood.

Finnrick cleared his throat “You’re aware of the works of Tolkien Mister Walker?”

Robert was caught off guard “What?”

“Elves.” Finnrick answered with a calming voice “Elves are the most famous of his characters that aren’t humans of course but there’s more: Elves, dwarves...”

“Hob…” Robert began but Finnrick cut him off.

“That’s a legal matter but yes. Wonderfully fantastic creatures.”

Robert narrowed his eyes “And?”

Finnrick leaned in close, smile mocking and cold “I hate when people take advantage of them.”

Robert was a cold, calculating heartless man who was used to being the smartest one in the room. The one who rigged the playing field in his favor, held every ace in his hand and led his prey exactly where he wanted them to be. He played with people before he destroyed their hope. He was the apex predator in the world of business.

It was satisfying to see that swagger and pride drain out of his face.

The businessman went for the button hidden underneath his side of the table, no doubt the switch to trigger the holding spells on Casey and Finnrick’s chairs. Of course Finnrick had dispelled them first chance he got and since the only other caster in the room was Casey, no one else noticed.

Robert’s face was the second most beautiful thing Casey had ever seen (first being Jaime but there was no need to tell her that). The panic, the fear, the utter confusion. Just poetic justice at its finest.

Finnrick shot to his feet with a surprising speed given his unremarkable build. He muttered the words of power, a magical incantation as his hand made the proper gestures to complete the spell.

The shades squad went for their weapons but Finnrick had gotten the drop on all of them. He pulled his hand back, a burning flame sitting peacefully in his palm. He pitched the flame forward, lobbing directly at the closet goon. The inhumanly beautiful man rose his arms to defend himself in time. The flame, mostly pressurized air, splashed over him harmlessly as the force of the attack shoved him back into the wall.

Casey followed Finn’s example. He stood as well (not as quick as his friend), a soft gentle light glowing from his hands. He glanced at the two remaining shades and aimed directly for them. A bolt of pure light burst forth from his palms. One goon got a chest full of holy energy and skidded backwards but the other was ready. He leapt to the side and narrowly avoided the attack as he slid out of sight.

The brutes charged towards the pair, murder in their eyes. Finnrick barely spared them a look as he snapped his finger. The two flames sigils he had imprinted om them when he grabbed their arms ignited, twin fires eating at their sleeves and sending them into a panic.

“What’s the plan?” Casey shouted, sending more holy bolts towards the shades.

“Up and over the counter.” Finnrick answered, tossing another fireball.

Casey quickly made his way closer, prepping to leap over the bar when Finnrick crashed into him, a strange whistling sound piercing his ears one moment then silent the next.

“Over buddy over!” Finnrick repeated, grabbing Casey by the collar and heaving him ontop of the counter. Casey flailed for a moment before glancing backwards. Finnrick was right behind him, hand outstretched as a blue translucent field of protective magic hung before the two while the shades opened fire with crossbows, the jet black bolts barely visible in the dimness of the room. They bounced harmlessly off the barrier but Casey could see the cracks starting to form.

Casey hopped over the bar gracelessly, struggling for a moment before clearing the jump. Finnrick tucked himself backwards, allowing himself to roll over the counter top and land on the other side with a thud.

“Remember when elves were honorable?” Casey huffed, quickly scanning the various bottles.

Finnrick scoffed “They were never honorable. They just acted better than everyone.”

“Remember when we were kids?”

“Vaguely. Pass the absinthe. I want to really make this hurt.”

“Blue bottle? These are all in German and Russian.”

“Green liquid. Come on Case I taught you better.”

“Right. I miss when the cartoons used to tell us the mafia was honorable.”

“Criminals these days.” Finnrick shook his head disappointingly “Just don’t make them like they used to. It’s all corporate shit.”

Casey began picking other bottles at random, wrapping them tightly with the tape he brought “It’s disillusioning I tell you. How right is he?”

Finnrick smashed a pane of glass. He took the jagged edge and slowly inched it over the counter, catching sight of the trio of shades for a moment before a crossbow bolt shattered the glass.

He flexed his hand, trying to relax his muscles. They were elves alright. They might be dressed in suits and ears hidden by some sort of glamour illusion magic but old habits died hard. Elves habits never died given their long lives. The trio had fallen into a close knit triangle formation: one fires, one reloads with the last taking aim.

“He had this whole operation locked tight. No one was talking. Either bribed them or made an example of them. Broken bones or horns. I had enough evidence to implicate him but bringing him to trial in the mundy court was going to be pointless.”

Casey moved the bottles back and forth to ensure they wouldn’t come loose midair “So what are we doing here?”

“Given his limited knowledge and the numerous magical violations I counted in this building alone, I figured he’s not registered with the Council.”

Casey’s eyes lit up in understanding “Gotcha. How long we got?”

Finnrick shook his hand back and forth “I’d say 10 minutes knowing the Council. Magic in an unregistered area requires a subtler approach for them. “

Casey snorted “Fake beards and stilts for the gnomes you mean? Robert will be gone by then.”

Finnrick’s face scrunched in concentration “He’s still here. Cowering under the table. He’s not used to dangerous wizards up in his face. Let’s scare him put huh?”

Casey spared his friend a glance “Big shot?”

Finnrick nodded in agreement “Aim high Case.”

And with a synchronicity only achieved through years of friendship, the two stood up at once. Casey threw the makeshift bomb high into the air as Finnrick formed the magical shield once more. Arrow after arrow bounced harmlessly off its surface as the bottles sailed through the air. Finnrick focused directly in the center of the payload. The shield dropped but the elves had broken formation and were all reloading at once. Finnrick pinched his thumb and finger together, murmuring under his breath. A small spark of flame fluttered wildly on his finger. He flicked it as quickly as he could towards the bottles. The spark spun and twisted as it floated towards the payload. The spark expanded, growing in size, and intensity, rapidly without warning. The air warmed as the spark exploded, smashing the bottles and engulfing the alcohol within. Flaming liquid, glass and hot air shot out in every direction. The elves were blasted off their feet and crashed against the far wall with sickening series of crunches. The floor above now had a massive hole in it and the brutes sprawled across the floor. Robert himself was thrown onto the ground, ash and soot covering his face as he struggled to breath.

He tried to call for someone but his ears were ringing and everyone was down for the count. He tried to search for the trouble makers but the smoke that filled the room was too thick.

The elevator dinged open once more and three pale suits came scuttling out. They clung to the walls on all fours, unnatural and repulsive. Their blood red eyes shone in the dimly light room, their fangs barred and ready for blood.

“Vampires!” Casey rubbed his eyes tiredly “This fucker has vampires. Loose by the way.”

“Right?” Finnrick shook his head “There are just so many regulations being violated right now.”

The vampires did not care. They dropped to the floor, gliding effortlessly midst the smoke and flame.

Casey took a step closer to the encroaching undead. He outstretched one hand towards them while the other clasped his necklace tightly. The vampires tilted their head quizzically at the symbol that adored the chain: It was a house of all things, a simple shape of rectangles and triangles no different than what a child would draw.

The vampires chuckled, their eyes bright with hunger.

Of course in their bloodlust they had forgotten something important: It was not the symbol but the faith behind it that was their bane.

Casey held the symbol as high as he could. The vampire shrunk away from him as his eyes blazed with holy energy, the symbol of home glowing with a harsh light. The vampires barred their fangs as a symphony of noises overwhelmed their senses: the soft hum of an air conditioner, footsteps thundering about, the chill of winter, the heat of summer, the overlapping sounds of cars and buses as the roar of crowds boomed in their ears. The city, the hearth of so many people, filled this room for a moment.

The vampires drew back, white smoking curling off their charring flaky skins. They ducked back into the elevator, hiding in whatever corner they could manage until the doors shut with a satisfying ding.

“Come on” Finnrick gestured to the window “I don’t want to be written up for unauthorized magic in an unregistered area.”

Casey and Finnrick scampered to the window. Casey’s face turned a sickly green when he realized how high up they were.

“Ugh I don’t feel good.” his stomach churned queasily.

Finnrick broke the window with his elbow, the fresh smoggy air of the city bringing some color back into Casey’s cheeks “I know buddy but it’s only eight floors up.”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“Okay cool jump now!”

Robert regained enough sense to see the troublemakers leap out the window without hesitation. He struggled to his feet when flickers of something began to form. Before he knew what was going on, the previously empty room was now filled with various creatures: Elves, dwarves, a gnome on silts had appeared out of thin air. They weren’t dress in any ancient medieval garb but rather dark blue jackets, jeans and combat boots with the initials M.R.R.D stitched on their clothing. They were no different than any one on the street aside their more unique physical features.

“M.R.R.D!” the gnome cried out, brandishing a strange clockwork pistol “Everyone freeze! We sensed a magical disturbance and a violation of the Arcane Veil!”

Robert rose to his full height “I am Robert Walker and I…”

The gnome opened fire and Robert could feel exhaustion overtake him. Sleepiness began to ebb at his resolve and before he could mutter another word, he closed his eyes. A dreamless sleep until he woke up in a council prison cell a few hours later.

-----

Casey didn’t scream as he fell through the air. He was too busy trying to keep his lunch in his stomach.

Finnrick waited a moment to make sure everything was in place and with a wave of his hand, the two began to fall much slower. They landed on their feet as if they had taken a step off the sidewalk instead of several stories up.

Casey began hyperventilating, trying his best to get his stomach settled. Finnrick began fanning his face when a man walked up to him.

Casey and Finnrick said nothing, waiting for the Arcana Veil to fill in any blanks they were missing. They could’ve told this man anything but they found from experience that it was just easier to roll with whatever the magical blanket that separated the mundane world from the magical decided.

The man peered at them, his gaze unsure and confused.

“Hey, you guys okay?” he asked helpfully.

Casey and Finnrick remained silent.

His eyes glazed over for a moment, a strange shimmering sheen within his pupils telling the duo that the veil was in effect.

“You guys are oddly dressed for window washers.” the man chuckled.

Finnrick glanced back to find a ghostly image of an electrically operated scaffold behind them, water buckets and squeegees included.

They shared a look.

“Would you believe it’s national window washer day?” Casey filled in.

Finnrick added “Yeah, they let us wear whatever want today. It’s only one day out of the year anyway and most of the time we work by ourselves so no harm done.”

the man nodded like that was the most reasonable thing he had ever heard “Right sorry. I’ll just be on my way.”

Finnick and Casey ducked out of the alleyway behind him, heads low and nonchalant as the human M.R.R.D members began to shut down the restaurant from the outside.

“Well that sucked.”

“Just a little. Here let’s go some dinner on me.”

“Damn straight on you Finny. Brutes, elves, vampires?”

“Oh my.”

“Now I’m ordering extra bread for that.”

[bakubabes-tatakae]

Request: Hello! I'm the anon that forgot to add the choice list for the 2k special Dabi request. It's choice 4. Sorry and thanks. I hope you're having a great day ❤️

You’re so welcome nonny. I’ll never turn down a Dabi request. 🥺❤️ I hope you’re having a great day too !

New Found Feelings || Dabi x fem!Reader

Event Masterlist | Tip Jar 📬

AO3 Link

Warnings: fluff, angst, attempted kidnapping, violence

Word Count: 1.2k

The streets of Musutafu were dark as the wind whipped at your skin. It was the coldest it had been in a long time and your legs couldn’t carry you to your apartment any faster. Pictures of the city were like flashes in your head as you thought about how eerie it all was. You had barely heard anyone come up behind you when you heard the familiar voice. “Hey, dollface.”

You turned quickly. You were sure you had known who the voice had belonged to, but your fear still took over your senses. When you turned to face him you saw that familiar smirk that always painted it. “Dabi.” You relaxed as you focused on his features. “It’s just you. I’m glad to see you.”

He sauntered forward and leaned against the wall of the brick building that accompanied you. “I just wanted to check on you.” Dabi had been more protective of you lately than he ever had been. You were his best friend and the League of Villains was growing more and more well known every day. His worst fear was that something would happen to you.

“How did you know where I was?” You raised your eyebrows at him. Had he been following you?

He chuckled as he noticed your accusing stare. “I went to your apartment and you weren’t there so I figured you had to be somewhere between your work and there.” He reached forward and pushed your hair behind your ear. “I guess I just got lucky after that.”

Dabi had always meant well. He had always said that he had wanted to be nothing more than friends when it came to you, but there was an aura around him when he was with you that always said more. “Well, I’m happy to know that you’re looking out for me.”

“I’m always looking out for you.” The charm was being laid on hard when there was another voice that spoke behind him.

“Dabi, we have to get going. Stop dilly-dallying.” You recognized the voice of another League member almost instantly, Himiko Toga.”

Dabi turned to look at her and snapped a little. “Yea, yea, give me a minute you little psycho.” He turned back to you and stood up straight from the wall. “Get home quickly doll, it’s not safe out here.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine. What was he talking about? Was something going on? You didn’t question him, just watched as he walked back toward his group with his hands in his pockets.

The wind seemed to pick up as he left and you turned to start back toward your apartment. You gripped the sides of your coat and pulled it tighter around yourself in an attempt to keep in as much body heat as you could.

When you were merely fifty feet from your front door you heard footsteps behind you again. You had expected it to be Dabi, so without hesitation, you turned and expected to greet him. The face of the person that stood before you was not Dabi. An older man with graying hair had a terrifying smile on his face. “Well hello, you pretty little thing.”

You swallowed hard and turned as quickly as you could, sprinting toward your door, but he was too quick. His arms wrapped around you and pulled you back to him as he forced you to walk toward the alley in between your apartment. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes as you struggled against this grip. “Please…” You could barely get words out as his arm wrapped around your throat. “Let me go…”

He pushed you up against the wall, the cool, hard rock uncomfortable on your exposed skin. “If you had just come with me and not tried to run we wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would we?”

You tried to speak, but you could feel your consciousness slipping from you. Your vision was slowly turning darker and darker as you fought to keep yourself conscious.

You had thought you had noticed a familiar color as you finally fell to the ground, unsure of how you had even gotten there. A bright burst of blue shined as you finally felt yourself slip away.

* * * * * *

When your eyes opened again you were in a familiar room. You looked around and recognized the few pictures and things on the walls. Dabi’s room.

You slowly sat up, putting your hand to your head as you felt a pounding begin. You gazed in every direction, hoping that he was in the room and that you didn’t have to venture outside of it. You caught him in the corner of your eye and heard him speak at the same time. “You’re awake.”

He stood quickly and approached you, sitting on the side of the bed next to you and placing a hand on your knee. “I was so worried that I wouldn’t get there in time.”

“That blue light I saw. That was you?” You had known there was something familiar about it, about the way the light seemed like it wanted to harm someone, but that someone wasn’t you.

“Yea. It was me.” He reached up to your face and placed a hand under your chin, making you look at him. “I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again… I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”

You could feel the warmth on your cheeks growing as you tried to keep your cool. You had never expected words like this to leave him. You had never expected him to care this much. “Why didn’t you just leave me there? So that I could wake up and head home. You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

He almost looked offended as he narrowed his eyes. “You mean too much to me to do that Y/n. I could never leave you there.”

“I-” You tried to speak, but you felt a knot form in your throat.

Dabi placed a finger over your lips in an attempt to quiet you. “Just let me say something. If you want to hit me after then you can.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Y/n… I love you.” He hesitated for a second but held his hand up when you tried to answer. “You’re the first person I’ve ever truly been in love with. As hard as it is to say… you’ve shown me what true love can feel like.”

You wanted to throw yourself at him. You had been in love with Dabi since the day you had met him, but you had felt he could never. You climbed onto your knees and leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulder before pushing him backward on the bed and roughly placing your lips to his.

You both allowed your lips to linger together and when you broke apart you had almost felt empty. You spoke softly to him and the grin that spread across his face put your mind at ease. “I love you too, Dabi.” You knew that you had him, you knew that he was now yours. Forever able to call the man with the blue flames your own.

Outside the walls when they were on missions had always been something that Levi had found both pleasing and anxiety inducing, but it reminded him that even in these times it was possible to find solace in things that might be scary.

Y/N rode next to him on her horse, keeping up with his pace no problem. They were too clear out as many Titans in the area as they could to try and deplete their population. She looked at peace as the wind blew through her H/C hair, he would never understand why he couldn’t get the courage to just tell her how he felt. He was the great Captain Levi after all, he was humanity’s strongest. It shouldn’t be that daunting of a task for him.

A swarm of Titans were in front of them and without hesitation Y/N soared through the air, taking them down with as much ease as Levi himself had with them. You could tell who had taught her everything she knew. Soldiers soared everywhere, blades piercing flesh, Titan after Titan hitting the ground.

After what seemed like hours of riding around a green smoke signal shown for all the soldiers in the sky. They all stopped what they were doing and looked around at each other. Commander Erwin must feel like enough have been taken down for the day.

Levi rode over to Y/N and stopped in front of her. “Good work L/N. Let’s head back to the gates.” His heart fluttered every time he talked to her. This had to be the day, he had to tell her, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

Y/N smiled at him. “Thank you, Captain Levi.”

They both turned their horses around and the soldiers headed for the walls.

* * * * * *

When the soldiers were all safely back through the walls and the horses were taken care of everyone met at headquarters, enjoying some food and beer, along with the occasional hook up between the soldiers.

Levi sat at the desk in his office, he had sent the mad scientist, Zoe Hange, down to the common area to retrieve Y/N. There was a quiet knock on the door a couple seconds later. “Come in, it’s open.”

When Y/N walked through the door his heart stopped. She was always stunning, it made him feel like she was out of his league. When they weren’t on the field Y/N referred to him in a friendly manner rather than the formal Captain Levi title. “Hey Levi, you wanted to see me?”

Levi stood from his desk and walked toward her. “Uh, yea, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Levi could feel his heart beating fast against his chest.

Y/N walked to the couch on the wall across from his desk and made herself at home. “What’s up?”

Levi reaches a hand out to her. “Stand back up, this is important.” Y/N looked a little nervous, but did what he said. “I don’t know how to say this without it coming off as weird. I’ve been trying to tell you this for months, I’ve just never found the right time to do it.”

Y/N looked even more confused now. “Just spit it out Levi, I couldn’t think you’re anymore weird than I already think you are.”

Levi scoffed. “Coming from you.” He crossed his arms and smirked at her.

“That’s cold Ackerman.” She chuckled.

He stood there in silence for a minute before speaking again. “I’ve been afraid to tell you this for some time now, afraid that it would affect our friendship, but I can’t hold it in anymore Y/N.” Levi put a hand on each side of Y/N’s face and stared into her eyes. “I’m so in love with you, Y/N.”

There was a look of shock on Y/N’s face, but she didn’t move. A smile seemed like it was spreading, and she opened her mouth to speak, but Levi put his finger up to stop her. “Let me do something first.” Levi put his lips to hers and she met his movements. The butterflies in his stomach were incomparable in this moment.

Y/N smiled when he pulled away. She put a hand on his chest and put her head on his shoulder. “It took you long enough Levi.” He drew in a harsh breath as she continued. “I love you too.” She put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled his face down to hers again, wanting to feel his lips on hers one more time.

Revamped: 4/19/2021

©bakubabes-hatake’s original content, please do not repost/modify without my permission

Taglist: @monic00l @strangeinternetwasteland @rowley-with-ackerman @caothicsimptown @taliyahvermillion @susceptible-but-siriusexual @ellechanwrites

[siennahrobek]

Rex

Rex was exhausted. He wished he didn’t have to think. He was nervous and jittery and there were much too many thoughts running through his head. Even though he didn’t show it, even though no one could possibly know. To everyone else, he was confident and steady as he could ever be.

To make matters worse, communications were on a strict bar and heavily monitored, so he couldn’t check up on the 332ndand Ahsoka. He hoped she was okay. Then again, he doubted Jesse and Echo would be quiet about anything that went wrong. Besides, they were with Master Feemor. Rex couldn’t say he knew much about the jedi who claimed to be General Kenobi’s brother – and he wasn’t entirely sure how that worked – but he seemed kind and good in a fight. He kept Ahsoka’s head level on her shoulders. He wouldn’t really rest until he could reunite with all of them. Rex had been burned by two jedi generals and even though Master Feemor was not a general, Rex was cautious to trust another, especially one that he just met.

The days went by slowly for him and he tried to keep with the survivors of what was left of his battalion. He tried not to think about how many were dead, or worse, how many they hadn’t yet been able to save.

Rex knew, on some level, consciously even, that the jedi weren’t actually abandoning them, his brothers, his troops. Even the 501st. When General Kenobi said they would be back for them, that they were regrouping to make a plan to get them back. Rex believed him.

If there was anyone, he had to be able to believe right now, it was him.

Rex wasn’t sure if he could take another blow like that.

If there was anyone Rex could trust not to betray them, it had to be General Kenobi.

You thought that about General Skywalker once, too a traitorous part of his brain whispered. He tried to shake it off. Surviving another treachery on the level of that of Skywalker; Rex wasn’t sure if he could. Even thinking about it made it hard to breathe. He would keep his faith; it was something to hold on to right now.

But looking at these boys, watching them cry and try to pull themselves together from the horror that they had lived through, some deep, dark part of him cried with them, cried for his brothers that were left behind. The ones he sometimes thought he would never see again.

Escape and evacuation had been the right choice. Rex knew that, on multiple levels and ways. They had warned so many, probably saved quite a few. And Kamino – oh! – all the youngsters and cadets and trainees and tubies, they were being saved as well. The Jedi were coming for them. Or rather, the cadets were coming withthem. Rex was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Alpha-17 had committed mutiny in such a short time frame, just on the mysterious warning of General Kenobi.

Rex was a bit curious how they knew each other.

General Kenobi seemed to know someone from everywhere.

It was the third and final day that Rex had done double takes when he saw one of the survivors. Because even though he knew several of them were from the 501st, they were not actually donning the colors. Rather, suddenly, they were painted in the familiar brother battalion of gold. He didn’t ask any of them. It felt intrusive. It was rather understandable too. Who would want to be a part of a legion under a traitor and the person that had betrayed them? That had brainwashed them into killing children?

The captain-commander (he wasn’t entirely sure if he still held the commander title anymore and he was a bit too tired to care) had stuck around Cody and, by proxy, General Kenobi, in those final moments before they reached Kamino. He stood by the two of them, with a couple other jedi generals milling around the bridge, when the water planet came into view. His anxiety had been wrapped in something warm and comforting, like one of those robes that Cody kept stashing away and giving to the troopers on cold nights. Something that soothed his worries.

He glanced over at his brother, whose shoulders had sagged just a little, in some kind of pleasant feeling, like he didn’t have to stand straight and at attention all times. His gaze drifted towards General Kenobi, who was breathing methodically. In for four. Out for seven. In for four, out for eight.

The jedi was doing this, Rex thought, blinking blankly. After everything, he was projecting something comforting for them. He wondered how far that feeling reached, how many troopers felt it.

Alpha-17 greeting them in his usual gruff manner was no surprise. The man had taught most of them, especially those that were designated as officers of some kind. He had a soft spot for the commander and their class, if Alpha-17 could have anything that remotely resembled a soft spot. He seemed rather friendly with General Kenobi, even getting the jedi to crack a small smile.

Finding out so many generals survived was such a relief.

There were so many.

Which meant so many brothers had survived with them.

Eventually, when he and Cody went back to General Kenobi’s ship, after the meeting, and had a moment of peace, Cody shoved a cup of caf in his hands. The two jedi stayed on the bridge and after their job was done, the two clones had slipped away for a stolen second to calm themselves.

Rex, like a fool, didn’t even ask. He just drank it.

And promptly spit it back out.

“What is that?!”

Cody smirked but his expression was rather warm as he walked down the hall next to him. Their shoulders bumped together as they walked, their pauldrons clanking and making noise as they went along. A few 212th boys passed and chuckled, good-naturedly. “Plague’s illegal whiskey,” he replied, with a shrug, shooting him a knowing glance. “He’s on his last bit and probably won’t be able to get any more. But I figured, if anyone needed something, it would be you.”

“This is… bracing,” Rex forced out, trying to sound nice about it.

“Come on, let’s find a quiet place to sit down,” Cody added with another laugh. “We have a moment before anything crazy happens again and it’s not like we are needed for now.” Rex just followed as his brother led him through the halls until they found a quiet room, just a little storage space, filled with supplies and buckets of paint. Cody pulled out a large, brown robe and gave one to Rex. “It’s one of General Kenobi’s. We collect them and use them as blankets,” he explained Rex’s silent question.

Okay then.

He took the robe and wrapped it around himself. He wasn’t wrong, he completely understood why the brothers would want them as blankets. They were nice. The two of them got settled on the floor near the wall and began nursing their small cups of disgusting alcohol. “I don’t think I want to drink this ever again,” Rex announced, but his voice was a bit quiet.

The commander laughed, lightly. “Well, you probably won’t.”

“This is a weird place to be,” Rex added.

“Most of the usual places are occupied, ya know, with kids and jedi,” Cody explained. “Some have moved over to the other venators and cruisers, to spread the population out a bit. Just in case.”

“Aren’t they chipped?”

“There is a pulse that stops it for a while. I think all the ships have been outfitted with one. Something pretty simple. If anything, suspicious comes near, we can just bring up the pulse,” he explained further. “And the medics are all starting surgeries. The jedi brought their medical droids which can pretty much do it quick and nonstop.”

Rex nodded, mutely.

“You think Ahsoka is, okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Cody said, near immediately. “She’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. Besides, you said a master was with her right? I’m sure he will keep her in line. I doubt he was so much like Skywalker to cause a bunch of trouble.”

“That’s true,” Rex confessed. “I’m just worried.”

“Do you know anything about this…Master Feemor?” Cody asked, suddenly.

Rex blinked, glanced over at him. “Not really. He seemed nice. He got Ahsoka away from…Skywalker during the battle. He helped save some boys. Seems to have a pretty level head.”

Cody nodded.

“Why?”

“You said he claimed to be General Kenobi’s brother,” Cody replied, slowly.

“I don’t know if he was telling the truth or not,” Rex shrugged. “But I’m sure you will be able to talk to him when he and Ahsoka get back.” The conversation died and the two of them sat comfortably in the storage room, sipping disgusting alcohol. He looked around the room, at the paint buckets, all covered in the 212thsignature gold color. It reminded him of something that happened not that long ago.

“I was walking around, the day before we got here. And I saw one of my boys. He was nervous and skittish. But he was better, less panicked than the day before.”

“Okay…” Cody said, slowly.

“There was something else.”

“What?”

“Instead of his 501st blue, his armor had been meticulously scrubbed and repainted in gold. 212th gold,” Rex admitted.

Cody paused. “Rex…”

“I’m not… mad or upset or anything,” he assured, quickly. And he wasn’t. There was no way he could be. “I’m not upset. How can I? I’ll never really understand what they went through. Enslaved and brainwashed by someone they trusted, someone that they thought they could trust, to murder innocents. The elderly and children and babies. And they did. People died. Children died. And the 501stkilled them.”

“He did it during the night,” Cody explained, his voice getting even quieter, as he wrapped closer to Rex. He knew exactly who Rex was referring to. Rex wasn’t entirely sure how, but it didn’t really matter either. “He was in the pile we had for the general and the survivors to help them sleep. I don’t think he did, though. I didn’t give him the paint.”

They both knew who did.

“It took Graffiti two hours to walk into one of the rooms that were set aside for some of the jedi kids,” Rex continued. Cody blinked in surprise; he wasn’t expecting the story to continue.

“Did you follow him?”

Rex nodded, mutely. It took him a long minute to keep going. “He finally went in after a while and I just… couldn’t quite make myself walk away. The jedi adults there didn’t seem alarmed when he came in. They didn’t say a word to him or ask him why he was there. He just sat in a corner. But then…something happened,” he continued, with his brows furrowing in some kind of confusion. “Something happened that called for the jedi’s attention. She had been holding a child so she just…gave him the child. She was just… a little thing. A baby. And Graffiti just stared.”

Rex paused.

“And then she put his hand on his face. And he just started bawling. He sat in a corner with this baby and was simply sobbing. He muttered apologies and this baby just sat on his lap, in his arms, babbling nonsensical things.”

Cody nodded, another silent urge for his brother to continue. Rex needed to get this out, to get to the end.

“Back at the Temple, when I went to the medical bay during the evacuation, I found Appo there,” Rex said. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this but the not-interaction with the commander had struck him.

“We found him,” Cody said. “The General, another trooper and I. Shoved him in a closet.”

Rex snorted, amused. He quickly sobered up as he continued. “He had killed a five-year-old child and it was ripping him apart. Graffiti reminded me of him when I was there. I watched him and the adults.”

“The adults?”

“They barely blinked. All of them must have known what the troopers had done, probably knew it was the 501st specifically. They know who killed them, their people, their children but these jedi just…let Graffiti in. No questions, no reservations. Just invited him to sit.”

“He was de-chipped,” Cody replied, keeping his voice cautious and slow. No chipped trooper was allowed around the younglings and babies, especially until they had gotten out or surgery. It was a security and safety precaution.

“But, after the horror that happened. They just gave him a baby. Just like that. After what happened, even with the jedi that had no experience with us clones, they still trust us.”

Cody looked at him, uncertainly. Did he not understand what Rex was saying? Even if the troopers forced to do what they did, chipped, which, of course they were, would that not still give them fear? Caution? Paranoia? If it was done once, who was to say it couldn’t be done again? Could they just turn once more?

The thought was just as horrifying as the first time.

“You know what they said on Kamino?” Cody asked.

Rex stared at him as Cody looked up at the ceiling, as if he could see the stars and systems up in the sky they would be going to soon enough.

“How we were made for the jedi? For them to lead us?”

He swallowed harshly and nodded. They had always been told they were meant for the jedi. They had been told so much and the troopers had found some kind of awe and loyalty for them even before they had known any single jedi. “It was a lie,” he croaked. He blinked in surprise. He was surprised that had come out.

Cody just shook his head. “It really wasn’t. And I don’t think anyone really understood exactly what it meant, not the long necks, not anyone.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our futures were always going to be intertwined,” Cody said, leaning further against the wall and letting the robe fall over his shoulders. “It was always going to be us and the jedi. It always will be. Their destruction was meant to be our destruction. Ours meant theirs. Think about it, we are brainwashed, destroyed and who pays that price? The Jedi. The Jedi are destroyed, by us or anyone and who is left for us? No one really understood what the Kaminoans meant, not even the Kaminoans themselves. They didn’t realize it was a two-way street.”

“A two-way street?” he echoed, questioningly. He wasn’t sure if he followed.

“We were meant for the jedi just as much as the jedi were meant for us.”

Shaak Ti

It wasn’t Master Kenobi’s ship that was hit but they had a front row seat to the event. Master Shaak Ti and Master Cin Drallig had been on the bridge for quite some time, trying to coordinate and plan when, in plain sight through the viewing port, another ship in space rocked, one of the edges lighting up in a small explosion.

Everyone on the bridge jumped, some even shouted.

“Stamina, come in!” one of the communications troopers yelled. “Stamina, respond, what is your status?”

There was brief moment of bare static. “We’re okay. We are alright,” a voice came through. “It was a glancing blow; systems are still operational.”

“Does anyone have eyes? What happened?” the trooper called out again, quickly. There was a pause.

“A ship came out of hyperspace,” yet another voice spoke up, a bit on edge. “It is on fire. It doesn’t look like it is going to fire again but we cannot establish communications.”

“We need someone to go in there to incapacitate those on board. They could be chipped. Any available to get in quickly? Who is closest?”

“Vigilance, this is Captain ARC Alpha-77,” the sound was a little off, like the owner was moving and the communications device he was talking through wasn’t quite made for the distance. “I’ve already got a squad ready to go and on the move. Will be there within minutes.”

“Set your blasters to stun, please,” the trooper on the ship replied and his fingers danced over the board of his station.

It would be quite some time before Shaak Ti and Master Drallig would get anymore news. There was an uncomfortable silence during then, as they waited uneasily for an update.

“Vigilance, this is Captain ARC Alpha-77,” the ARC’s voice came through, a little clearer this time. Everyone perked at least a little. “The ship Ascension has been neutralized, activated troopers are being shuttled to medical stations, along with two jedi.”

“Any others?”

“Several natborn officers. Orders?”

The trooper glanced at Shaak Ti and Cin. She cleared her throat. “Please, put them in the brig with the others from Kamino.”

“You hear that, Captain ARC Alpha-77?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Status of the ship?”

“Unsalvageable.”

*

“How did this happen?” Cin asked, as the bridge died down in sound and talk once again. They could see the offending ship, on fire and slowly breaking apart from their viewport.

“The Captain mentioned there were two jedi aboard,” Shaak Ti replied. “Perhaps they can give us some insight into that has occurred.”

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t mean the Empire is right on their tail.”

*

“How long until we can depart?”

Master Obi-Wan pressed into the bridge of his own flagship, the ARC trooper captain, Alpha-17, at his side. Many emotions were flowing from the master as he quickly tempered them behind thick shields. Shaak Ti and Cin Drallig were on the ship, discussing a great many things, including strategies to avoid the newly formed Empire as they gathered their family and friends, as well as the mess of the ship that had come in, fired a shot and was burning to pieces. It had been evacuated, with all those still alive, but no one was sure how it happened. Shaak Ti and Cin had went back and forth with some theories. They had stopped talking once Obi-Wan had entered, his face drawn and tired, with someone else that was weighing on his shoulders.

“Are you alright, Master Kenobi?” she asked. He glanced around and settled on her, his gaze slackening and softening at the sight of her. She was glad he could find some semblance of peace with his fellow jedi, her in particular. She was always happy to help in such a way.

“You have heard about the ship on fire that took a shot at one of ours?” he asked.

They both nodded, as Shaak Ti saw in the corner of her eye. “It didn’t harm the ship too badly. A group of soldiers, led by one of the ARC Alphas, Captain 77? I believe? He and a select few others went to subdue,” Master Drallig responded, his lips pursed at the notion of the unfortunate event but his tone reflected his gratitude for those who had gone in. “They worked quite quickly.”

“We don’t know how they discovered us so quickly,” Master Shaak Ti added, folding her hands over one another.

“They didn’t,” Master Obi-Wan replied. “Ahsoka decided to take over the bridge of an activated ship and took Master Feemor along with her,” he explained.

Cin stiffened.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Master Feemor is critical but on the medical ship Master Vos brought,” Obi-Wan continued. “He is with Ahsoka and getting checked out, but she appears unharmed.”

“Casualties?” Cin asked.

“Uncertain,” Obi-Wan said stiffly.

“I’ll go find Fordo and get the numbers,” Captain Alpha-17 dipped his head and marched off. Shaak Ti paused and put the two identities together. Obi-Wan took a moment to watch him leave. She wondered if he preferred that he stayed, on some level. He seemed rather comfortable with that.

“I’m not sure if they got a distress call or anything back to Coruscant or another fleet,” he added, keeping himself steady as he spoke. “How soon can the evacuation and preparations be done?”

He looked around the bridge.

He’s asking the troopers, Shaak Ti realized. He’s so used to working with them.

She wasn’t entirely sure if that was a blessing or a curse.

How many jedi would be the same way?

She was to, in a way, but she wasn’t often on the battlefield like so many of the others were. She had been in charge of training and organizing squads, alongside Commander Colt and, sometimes, Captain Alpha-17.

“I’ve been keeping up with the numbers and reports, sir,” a trooper by a station over the side of the bridge called out and looked over at him. “Preparations are finished, all equipment, rations and available resources are buckled up. They are loading up the last of the troopers onto the last of the ships, the Comeback and the Believer,” he reported, easily.

“Thank you, Crys,” Obi-Wan smiled, faintly. “Do we have a timetable?”

“Within the hour sir, I’d reckon,” Crys replied. “Give or take thirty minutes, pending ship complications.”

“Excellent,” Obi-Wan nodded. “Do we know the closest fleet to rendezvous with?”

“Already calculated a comprehensive route, general,” another trooper chimed in. “Plugged in and ready to be shifted on command.”

“Good, Bloom. Thank you.”

Shaak Ti glanced over and caught Cin Drallig’s smirk.

“Is anyone communicating with other ships? I’d like to leave the moment we can, as closely together as we can,” he continued, eyes sweeping the area.

“I’ve been on it, sir!”

“Inkspot. I was wondering where you have been,” Obi-Wan chuckled, shooting the trooper a smile, who grinned back at him.

“Just trying to help out sir,” Ink responded, cheerily. “The 212th have been great. I’ve already told the fleet to button up and prepare to move on command.”

“They have the next coordinates,” Bloom added. “Menace is helping out on the Endurance, putting together coordinates and communications with any jedi we can get a hold of.”

“Just waiting on the Comeback and the Beleiver,” Crys added.

Obi-Wan nodded. “Good. Good,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Where is Immortal and his death caf when you need it,” he muttered under his breath.

Shaak Ti and Cin glanced at one another curiously just as a trooper sidled to Kenobi’s side, with a cup and pot in hand. The grin on the clone’s face was knowing and mischievous and just a bit smug. “Thought you might want this, sir.”

Obi-wan brightened as the cup was given to him, cupped in his hands with a flash of relief that went through his expression. “Are you sure you are not a telepathic deity, Immortal? Because I do believe you just read my mind.”

The trooper laughed. “Not a telepathic deity, sir. I just know you, and happened to be around. Figured you would need something. Pure coincidence.”

“The will of the Force, perhaps. I do thank you, my dear Immortal.”

“You’ll catch your death that way, general,” Crys called back, good naturedly.

“Please, the general is of the same type as Immortal. He doesn’t die,” Bloom scoffed but he was grinning wide.

“Yeah,” another sniggered. “Have you learned nothing of the Rako Hardeen incident?”

“General Kenobi does not cheat death,” someone jeered, happily, but even Shaak Ti could practically hear the grin and she was inwardly gaping.

What was happening?

“He wins fair and square!” another finished and several cheered with varying high fives near one another, like it was some sort of victory.

Shaak Ti glanced over at Obi-Wan and Cin was doing the same. The young master just rolled his eyes. “You are all rather ridiculous,” he snorted but he was vaguely amused and it showed.

“Who’s death jokes are they doing now, general?”

The three jedi turned around to see Obi-Wan’s commander walking up to his side, wrinkling his nose at the jedi’s cup of caf. Shaak Ti recognized the 501st captain Rex with him. The commander frowned a bit.

“Ah, yours apparently. Your drinking Immortal’s…special blend.”

“I think the situation calls for it,” Obi-Wan shrugged and took a sip.

Shaak Ti, standing nearby, caught a wiff of it and startled. It smelled terrible; she couldn’t imagine how it must taste.

“Would you like a cup, general,” Immortal offered to her.

She almost felt bad for declining, but she couldn’t even imagine trying to taste something that smelled rather vile. “Ah…no thank you trooper.”

Besides her, Master Drallig shrugged. “I’ll try it.”

The other troopers around stared in near rapt attention as Immortal offered him a cup. After a tentative sniff, Master Drallig swallowed a gulp successfully.

“That is…atrocious,” he said, shaking his head. “You like this, Master Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan shrugged. “Sometimes helps keep me awake. You know, alert and focused.”

“Certainly,” Master Drallig added, nearly coughing as he took another swallow. “This… cannot be healthy.”

“Oh, it is not,” a trooper sniggered.

“Only beskar stomachs can keep it down.”

“It appears you do, General Drallig.”

“Hey! You gotta wait twenty minutes, at least. If he doesn’t throw up, then he’s good.”

Shaak Ti couldn’t help but be incredibly amused. “Is this what your ship is always like?” she mused out loud.

Obi-Wan shrugged, gulping down some caf. “I cannot complain. They are excellent men, in both capability, disposition and spirit.”

Both she and Cin laughed. “Agreed,” the conceded in unison.

“Sir!” Bloom shouted, apologies seeping through his tone quickly. “There are incoming ships, trying to contact Kamino.”

Obi-Wan stiffened. “How long do the Comeback and Believer need to move?”

“Not long, sir. Fifteen minutes, perhaps?”

“Tell Commander Colt and the others to jump. We will buy them some time.”

“Every face around the bridge hardened in determination and agreement. Loyal to the end, Shaak Ti thought. Inkspot and several others began sending the message to jump to hyperspace towards their first stop.

“Arm the cannons, make an announcement,” Obi-Wan ordered smoothly. “Prepare to fire upon command.”

“Prepare to launch fighters, sir?” Commander Cody asked.

“Prepare but wait for command. If we can make a quick getaway, we should.”

“Yes sir.”

*

A ship leapt forth out of hyperspace. Obi-Wan ordered their ship to block the enemy’s path, intending to give the other ships time and space to escape. Shaak Ti glanced at Cin and met his gaze. He nodded. This was okay. If they gave their lives here, as the others escaped with theirs, that would be an acceptable death.

Obi-Wan leaned forward. “Unknown vessel, identify yourself immediately.”

There was a pause.

“If you do not comply, I will be forced to open fire,” he added with a bitter lip curl and a snarl.

“Easy, Admiral,” the other voice crackled through the communications. “We picked up a call from a venator that disappeared from Courscant a few days ago.”

“Unfortunately, the vessel Ascension has been decommissioned,” Obi-Wan responded without pause, a bit flat. “There was a drive malfunction and she exploded.”

“Admiral?” Cin muttered under his breath, confused.

“I will repeat myself, identify yourself.”

“Oh. I am Captain Thvidm,” the voice replied, calmly. “I see you bear the mark of the Open Circle fleet, one of the 212th’s ships, the Vigilance, also left Coruscant space a few days ago.”

“That would be us,” he affirmed.

“Did you execute your traitor?”

“Pardon?”

“Your jedi general is a traitor. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi usually leads the 212thpersonally. Have the clones dealt with him?”

Obi-Wan paused and bristled at the tone.

“Obi-Wan,” Cin warned, quietly.

“Sir?”

“Affirmative,” Obi-Wan ground out.

“Oh that is good,” the other man sighed in what could only be construed as relief. “He was one of the high-profile ones, one of the worse traitors. I’m glad he is gone, he is rather dangerous and a ruthless general. At least we have General Skywalker on our side. He defected from the traitors, stopped an attempt on the Emperor’s life if you can believe it.”

“Ruthless,” Commander Cody muttered under his breath, flatly.

Obi-Wan scowled. “Oh, I can.”

“He is loyal to the Empire,” Thvidm continued. “Where there any survivors?”

“Pardon?” Obi-Wan startled.

“On the ship, where the hyperdrive exploded. The Ascension? Were there any survivors?”

“Ah yes. They are currently being treated.”

“Is there a reason you are here, Admiral?” Captain Thivdm asked, almost cautiously. Master Kenobi narrowed his eyes, now quite suspicious at the change of subject and clear tone.

“As much as I doubt that is any of your business,” Master Kenobi responded, firmly. “Captain, you know what happened with my ship. You know what happened with the Ascension. What warrants this line of questioning?”

“The Jedi have escaped,” the captain responded, drawing out his tone and speech. “And from our scanners, ships are leaving the system by the dozens, there is little life on the planet left where there should be many soldiers. And like I said, the jedi escaped Coruscant. They had to use some ship to get off the planet.”

Obi-Wan glanced at one of the troopers, making a sign with his hands. “What are you suggesting, captain?”

“I’m thinking that the Vigilance did not take out the traitor and have been harboring criminals,” the captain accused, vitriol on his tongue in such spades, it could be heard over the comm.

Obi-Wan glanced around at them, sweeping over Shaak Ti and Cin before furthering towards the bridge. “Status of the Comeback and the Believer,” he muttered, away from the comm but loud enough for the rest of them to hear.

“Everything is buttoned up and ready to go sir,” one of the troopers said, carefully trying to keep his voice out of communications. “Jumping within the minute.”

The jedi nodded. “Captain Thidvm, we are leaving the planet. Any efforts to stop us will be met with firepower. I would suggest you leave it alone,” he announced, loud and bold through the comm to the other ship.

“You are Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan nodded.

The captain’s voice went quiet. “Fire upon will.”

“Now,” Obi-Wan replied, nearly at the same moment.

And in that moment, several cannons fired.

But the Vigilance was gone then, with nothing but dust left behind.

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 5 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au, slice of life au,,

warnings; little high on angst, swearings, mention of abortion, mention of adoption, mention of miscarriage, unedited(rlly sorry about this)

word count; 5k+

rating; nc17

a/n; heyyy, it’s been a month since i last update this story and i only blame my finals, my sudden lost of muse, and some side effects of my life but there it is, freshly served, angsty episode!! ion know how did this come out but im feeling positive for the next episode! so,,,, hope you all enjoy reading this part, and as always, i do really appreciate a little comment soooo... lol, love y’all  ♡

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taglist; @xxluckydreamsxx​ ,, @parkminhee​

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‘‘Yes, can we have a brief explanation about the story of our current project?’’ 

‘‘Miss Y/N?’’ 

‘‘Y/N?’’ 

Light, red and yellow mixes and crushes down when something hard nudges at your shoulder and brings you the reality. Shake of your body startles Namjoon, who was nudging your shoulder to wake you up. Pairs of eyes currently stares at you, wide, curious and surprised, too, as no one expects you to fall asleep in the middle of an important meeting. But, you did anyway. Surprising yourself with such an action, yet you lost control of your sleep schedule way before this meeting, so you weren’t that ashamed as the sleep still lingers around your head. 

Blinking, blinking, blinking for a couple of times before your vision loses its blur, and the faces look way better to your own eyes. Shock still fresh on their faces, a weird sound rises by your throat as you try to clean it before talking. Namjoon holds his laugh back, but you can see it in the redness of his cheeks and the veins that struggle under his skin. 

‘‘I-’’ you clear your throat, once again as it comes hoarse from sleeping. ‘‘I’m sorry, can you say it again?’’ Mr. Lee stares directly into your eyes, he opens his mouth but closes again. And you know you will try to drown yourself in the sink if the corner of his mouth hasn't curled up. 

You sigh, before he asks again, and listens to your explanation. You try to keep it smooth, and once you start to talk about your work, all the sleep leaves your head, enthusiasm fills it place. 

You love your work. Falling asleep doesn’t mean the opposite. 

‘‘I swear to god if you won’t stop laughing, Kim-’’ 

‘‘But..- but you told the story of our new game, drool drying on your chin, with such an enthusiastic manner.’’ Namjoon’s giggles cut himself, palm hangs in the air, other on his knee. A manager who is in his thirties enjoys his coworkers suffer, laughs his lungs off. Such a mature man. You sigh, hand curled around the cup full of water for you to go to the bathroom after. Countless times. 

Fingertips pinching the tip of your brows, you stand on the kitchen side of your office. Shame still red on your face, you barely able to hold yourself back from either crying or smashing the cup on your friend’s head. Which, you like the last option very much. It’s a shame that you possibly couldn’t do that here. Maybe later, on one of your movie nights. 

‘‘I think it was cute, though.’’ the man in his much more formal clothes rather than his usual sweatpants and his shirt enters the kitchen side. Brown hair brushed neatly on the left side, his features look good. ‘‘Don’t pressure yourself anymore. I’m sure they are used to these things.’’ 

‘‘Thank you for helping my self-reliance to gather itself, but I don’t think it’s that simple, Damien.’’ imitating his smile, even though it’s more faint then he has, you sigh once again. Taking a spot on the table, you let your head fall on it. ‘‘I was literally drooling all over myself. Ugh… such a mess.’’ 

Another laugh escapes by Namjoon’s lips, but he pats your head also. ‘‘Damien is right. You know Jihoon and Yeona will be cool about this.’’ 

You scoff. ‘‘Yeah, but I don’t refer to them by their first names as they are the Ceo’s of this company. Like you,’’ 

‘‘Then you shouldn’t refer to me with my name, too, as I’m your boss.’’ an annoying smirk alive on his mouth, he swipes his body on the table. Gulping down his coffee, his stares never leaves you. Something hot, almost burning coils in your chest. Reminding you red, as you stare at him back. Mouth wrinkled, your breath felt heavy. 

It was anger and you didn’t know how to pressure it back where it came from. Even before your pregnancy, you weren’t good with handling your emotions, but now. With so many hormones not knowing what to do, you were even worse. Sudden crying sessions, constant fury always ready to burst out, and the sneaky, dark anxiety getting you at the worst moment, where you were alone and in the dark. It was hard, and too much. Even before being pregnant, and while being pregnant. You weren’t good with them. 

‘‘You know what, I decide not to cook for you anymore.’’ heartbreak flashes in Namjoon eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest. ‘‘You can buy your own chicken breast from somewhere and eat that shitty sauce.’’ 

‘‘Ouch..’’ Damien who is currently watching the cold vibrations coming from you, stays silent after your gaze lands on him. He is scared, and not ready to be the next target of your stinging tongue. Though, it doesn’t last that long. 

Once you see the tremble of Namjoon’s lips, and his hug follows his sorry’s, your coldness melts away. Shame creeps back, sits heavy as you lower your head on the table. But before you can dive in your bad scenarios in your head, brutal yet familiar bickering starts when Nara enters the kitchen, after she takes her place on the table. Her nose crinkled with disgust while waiting for Namjoon to end his insults, only to throw another to him. Damien tries to cut them off, but it’s useless as he gives up and rests his back on his chair. Hesitant stares gather on you, only to tear them apart while you pretend like you didn’t notice. 

Yet, you don’t want to suffocate yourself with your thoughts, you raise your head, eyes meeting with the brown haired man. Because you don’t and probably can’t break that cold war between your friend and Nara, you find your escape on Damien. 

‘‘So, we have to prepare a meeting for you to put a suit on?’’ cocking your brow high, you ask. His surprise fades after a moment of waiting. Maybe because you aren’t the warmest person or because of the effect of your friends that filled your head with the idea of him having some feelings for you, you never attempt to talk with him first. Not that he isn’t a decent man, but more likely, you weren’t into him and did not want to make a wrong move. For him to get the wrong idea. 

But maybe you are being stupid for believing your delusinal friends about his feelings, and he just wants to be friendly. Though, it’s good to not risk anything, right?

‘‘Suits just not my type, and also, who is wearing these other than him?’’ Damien points Namjoon, who is in a deep, hurtful conversation with your other coworker. You tear your eyes from him to land on Damien once again, his smiling this time. Wide, eyes imitating it. ‘‘Also, doesn’t it hurt your feet? You weren’t wearing heels for a long time.’’ 

After he mentions it, your feet start to pulse with pain. Embarrassment clouded all over your other senses, but his words bring them back. And you wrinkle your face in pain. Of course, it hurts. How it won’t hurt while your feet try to set themselves free by growing bigger inside of its cage and the process isn’t an easy one. Though, these whining are the last thing for your coworker to hear so you simply go with a soft smile. 

‘‘Yeah, a bit but nothing I can’t handle.’’ 

‘‘Oh okay then. Good to hear.’’ he leans closer, eyes gleaming like a child in his pre-mischievous stage. ‘‘Just in case, I have a pair of nice sneakers waiting in my closet. All comfy and less deadly.’’ 

Mirroring the act, you also get close to him. Palm covering the side of your curled mouth, ‘‘I will consider it, but why are you acting like you were selling drugs?’’ whispering the half of your words, you cocked your head aside, watching his face wrinkle due to his growing smile. And seeing him from this side, you realise how good looking he is. Radiant smile adds more point to his charisma as he does, eyes narrow but curls cutely on the ends, and for a second you just stare at his side profile. His spotless skin dips on the cheek as his dimple wants to show off. Thankfully, when he starts to talk the silvery sheet goes away, to your luck. 

‘‘Well, we won’t want other heel wearers to come at my desk for my fancy shoes, right?’’ 

Nodding, you point your finger at him as if he made a good point. ‘‘I see… Of course we wouldn’t want that, of course.’’ 

After the short break, everyone turned in their work the same as you. And you find yourself so tired after talking about the details of the story of your current game with Heejin. Trying to find reliable reasons and motives is hard for some time, as you continue to work on the specific character’s choices in the game, and why and exactly how they should do is sometimes irksome even when you have someone who tries really hard to help you. Yet, you know you can’t put all the weight on Heejin’s shoulders as the poor woman barely had some sleep because of the pre-cold effect. 

When she sneezed for the fourth time in the last five minutes, you had to stop and be sure of her well being. Putting your palm on her clothed arm, you mimicked a smile to look sympathetic rather than annoyed. Even though you were a little bit. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to know that. 

‘‘I know I asked this before but are you sure you are okay? Maybe you should take a rest for the rest of the day. Obviously, you need some.’’ 

She looks hesitant at first, eyes widens at your words but she covers it with a faint smile and nods. ‘‘Oh, I’m okay, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.’’ Heejin bites down her lip before continuing again. ‘‘Did I annoy you? I’m sorry, I just took a pill, so I think that will make me better in a couple of minutes.’’ 

‘‘No, no…’’ pulling your hands in the air, you shake your head in denial. It did bother you but not much for her to apologize for being sick. ‘‘I just wanted to check on you, I’m not… disturbed. It’s okay.’’ 

Your half reassurance works barely, as she tries to lower the voice of her sneezes after that. And everytime, a drip adds to your growing guilt. As Heejin is younger than you for three years, and you have been working here longer than her, it puts some stairs between you two and now with that, you fix the ice between you two. The ice that you have been trying to melt from the first day she was here, and now, thanks to your pregnancy hormones, it started to build once again. Not just with Heejin, but everyone around you was walking on eggshells around you as your rage came out of nowhere, so sudden that sometimes it even shocks you. But for a stupid reason - well, it’s not stupid as you are pregnant and that played with your emotions -, you couldn’t control the sudden change of your feelings. 

One second being calm and the other being tense did tire you for sure as senses flow through every nerve you have. Breathing exercises merely helped, and that led you to staying away from the people around you. As sometimes words come out rude before you can realise. And nobody deserves that kind of attitude, even the ones you know from your childhood. 

For that reason, you turned down Taehyung’s offer to come with you as you know that owing to his nature, he will do something silly to make you angry or stressed even when he does it with all his good intentions. Some days, even when you are in your usual state you can’t stop being bothered by him, and you had no intentions to taste it today. Which, nothing was normal in your current mental state, so that’s for the best. 

Driving past the now familiar streets, you learned a new thing: Driving with a jean without opening its button can be hard, as you have to undo the button while your stomach growls in need. While your stomach become visible, looking like you ate too much for your stomach to handle, sudden thirst for stupid cravings increased day by day. Sadly, it affected your friends as much as you. 

In the middle of night, you woke Yoongi up for him to get you apples, pickles for Taehyung and last but not least, ice cream for Namjoon. As your cravings decide to choose the oddest times, three of them find the solution to fill your fridge until there is no space left. Well, after you sat on your kitchen floor and cried they had to eat some of them with you, as they basically called you fat by doing that, and paid for it. For them, they just wanted to make sure you get what you want but at this point, what they thought barely mattered. 

‘‘Okay, that was tiring.’’ you whispered through your exhale, while parking the car. For the records, parking turned into a hell show for you as going further and back, further and back, further, further and back has your nerves strain like a string. Though, you never liked it anyway. You were ready to leave your car, but the ringtone of your phone cut the act. 

‘‘Hey, mom.’’ 

‘‘Nope. Your voice sounds the same, rather than I thought so.’’ sighing, you brushed your face by your palm. Words like a needle on the skin, your mother always knew how to use them. ‘‘Well don’t ‘ahhh’ at me. As we barely speak, I obviously expect to forget your voice, tell me if I’m wrong.’’ 

Nodding as if she is able to see you through the phone, you put your head on the wheel. She was annoyed as it was very clear by her high and thin tone. 

‘‘Yes, Ma’am.’’ your reply earned another high pitched warning from her so you had to calm her between your giggles. ‘‘Okay, okay… You’re right, Mama. I should call you more but you know work and everything keeps me busy. But I will try my best, promise.’’ 

‘‘Apology accepted. But even though I know you prefer to talk about work, and the video thing you adore talking about, I’m most likely interested in my baby’s baby. So, how’s the pregnancy going?’’ 

This is the exact reason why you didn’t call her more than you did. As she is very interested in your life and interior with it, of course pregnancy will be the same. And you couldn’t ignore the things you can as she will talk about them, will want to know about them and give some advice from her past experiences. Not that you will need any of them, but of course as you postponed everything, you did the same thing to this topic, too, and left your mother in the dark. You will run as far as you can. 

‘‘They called games, not video thing but it’s your choice.’’ while thinking of it itched your tongue, you swallowed all the tensing thoughts down, and ready yourself to talk. ‘‘And the… pregnancy is going good if we don’t count the constant eating, peeing, crying, being tired twenty-four-seven, not fitting in my favorite clothes and all the pain it put me through.’’ 

She laughs as if you just told the funniest joke she heard. Cocking your brows, you run through what you said to make her laugh this much to fail. 

‘‘Ohhh, my baby. Stop talking about this as the things are all bad. You have a baby in your belly, your baby. They will become your everything, and mostly good things because you will love them more than anything you can. Believe me, I could die in return for your laugh. A bubbly, vivid laugh. Ahh… remembering it made me soft, right now.’’ 

‘‘Trying to be unbiased about gender, I see?’’ 

‘‘Well, I don’t want to affect the baby.’’ 

Though you want so bad to ask how that could actually affect the baby, you stay silent. All the baby talk is already pulling you down, it is better if you can stay out of the gender topic as much as you can. Not that it mattered, you thought. 

‘‘What do you mean? Why it wouldn’t matter darling?’’ 

Huh? 

Clearly, you weren’t thinking, but murmuring under your breath as your mom heard it. When you hit your head on the wheel, the horn startles you both. Fixing your posture, you answered your mother’s hurried question. 

‘‘It was horn, I’m in the car. Yes, yes I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m at the hospital- No, no- Mom, for the appointment. Yes… yes, for the baby. I will talk to you later, okay? I will call, I promise- Yes, I promise. Okay, love you, too.’’ 

You sigh once again. A loud one. 

You do hate lying to the woman who would do anything you want, but you know she is not ready to lose her grandchild, yet. You are not ready for the speech you will receive, also. Not that it will be harsh or critical, you just are not ready to accept the whole thing. Yes, you still had problems with the whole pregnancy thing even though you made your mind with adoption. You still had thirty weeks to go, and that won’t go fast. Not in a normal time, or in the pregnancy. 

Head full of blurring thoughts, you missed the man who shakes his hand from afar. The black haired man’s smile faded as you passed by his side without sparing a glance. Too busy with thinking how to calm your mother after you give her the news. The news that she won’t have a grandchild anytime soon. Fuck… that’s gonna be hard. 

Well, maybe not hard as much as the door you decide to welcome it with your face rather than opening. A loud thud, and muffled curse under your breath, instinctively you checked your nose if there is more than the pain you feel, as there is no blood you calm down, shoulders drop their usual place. Apparently, you were conscious enough to lead yourself to the floor where your doctor’s office, past the stairs, and find his door but when it comes to open the door you fail. Tears sit on your eyelids at once as you close them due to the pain that crushes your sight. Trying to massage your nose bridge barely helps but giving it a try won’t hurt, you think. 

‘‘Oh my, are you okay?’’ from your closed and blurred eyesight, you can’t choose who is the one talking but his voice lets you know that he is your doctor, Seokjin. ‘‘I heard a loud thug but couldn’t understand it was a human until you groaned. Are you okay, you bumped your nose? Let me get a look at that.’’ 

Not forgetting to thank him while he guides you inside his office, now you are able to open your eyes and set the tears free as they go down. Seokjin sits you on the white sheeted chair, handles your head to go right and left as he scans your face and nose behind creased eyes. He looks really concerned, more than you, and somehow it puts you on a stage where you feel like you have to make him sure that you were okay and nothing was wrong. It still feels weird when someone gets concerned over you more than yourself, as who would care for someone more than one’s self so it’s still vague. 

‘‘I-I’m actually okay. I didn’t hit that hard as it sounds, it doesn’t even bleed so…’’ wry smile is all you offer him as your voice trails down when his eyes meet with yours, a bit keen rather than you thought they will. 

Seokjin sighs with a line between his brows but he lets go, and when he puts a decent distance between you and himself, professionalism settles in his features as he adjusts his tie. 

‘‘It does look okay, but make sure you put some ice when you can as it could leave a bruise behind.’’ he smiles, both sweet and very technically. As he practiced it for every client he had and now performing it without any difficulties. It looks natural. ‘‘So, tell me how are you feeling? You should still have the early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, sleep issues, and more likely they will hang around for a few more weeks. But it’s more important if you have a symptom that comes unnatural or unbearably painful for you?’’ 

After taking two deep breaths, you feel ready to give him a reply. Nose still throbs by the hit but it’s faint now. 

‘‘Uhm…- yeah, other than the ‘expected’ symptoms, I don’t feel like something is wrong, or not supposed to happen. No more painful urination, though I still need it frequently.’’ you grimace lightly as you share, shifting a bit. ‘‘But yeah, I’m okay.’’ you try to wipe the fresh embarrassment with the non glowing smile you had in your storage. Probably he should but you still don’t know if he needs to know that you choose adoption. As he is your doctor, and the one who is taking care of you and the baby, you know that he must know about it, but unpleasant eerie stops you from doing what you should.  

Old habits die hard, that’s for sure. 

‘‘Excellent. It’s good to hear that everything is going on it’s way, and today, as now you are in the tenth week of your pregnancy, I’m recommending you a genetic test in case there is any birth defect.’’ 

‘‘What is that?’’ even though Seokjin was done with talking, you utter so fast that it feels like you interrupted him, as you shut your mouth with wrinkled brows. It was just getting tiring day by day with all of these tests, things to do and not to do, being extra careful because you have another living creature in you to take care, more than yourself. No more selfish, damaging, stupid choices can be done as your body no longer belonged to you. At least not only to you and this was really, really tiresome. 

As he was expecting this, Seokjin comes up with some papers as you can understand them. ‘‘As I said before, it’s a test to acknowledge any kind of defect in the baby. These tests take two forms: screening tests and diagnostic tests. And a screening test tells you the likelihood that your baby could have a birth defect; a diagnostic test tells you with more than ninety nine percent certainty whether the baby has the disorder.’’ He explains more as you take the papers from him, scanning the words but they are almost identical as Seokjin continues with his further explanation. The blank eerie gets heavier and heavier the further he talks, and when he comes to the risks, it feels like your pulse palpitates on your throat. Tearing your eyes from the papers that sit on your lap, you stare at the man who is still talking. 

‘‘There is small risk of miscarriage, that’s why you need to carefully consider tha advantages and the disadvantages of these test before you make any decision, even it’s small.’’ 

A slap to the face, a weight falls on your stomach after Seokjin is done with his statement. Mouth hangs open, you stay still, silent as the Doctor waits patiently, now he is behind his desk, sitting his hands intertwined. As if he knows the new information would put a heavy dullness in you as he searches your every movement, yet you gave him hardly any. 

‘‘Do I… have to?’’ 

The idea of taking these tests would be tiring is there but the cause of your nausea is not just that. More likely, it’s the idea of losing something. Even though that something doesn’t belong to you because you never wanted it, and nothing has changed since then. Whether it's the guilt of knowing everything caused because of your recklessness, or it’s because you feel obligated to give the baby a good life due to your current maternal instincts - you hardly say you had one -, whether it’s beside you or far away from you, you feel the suffocating necessity. Even if the risk has one percent chance, you can’t take it. Maybe it’s odd to push your one percent chance to become free with the back of a hand, but that would be running away, and both of you already had one runner in your lives, and the baby wouldn’t need another. 

‘‘I know it sounds scary but you can take your time, you don’t have to do it now. You can search it a bit more about the cons and pros but I never had any problems with my former clients if you need any consolation. And you can always ask for me more.’’ 

Chewing your bottom lip, you still look at him in the eye like you need to give him an answer. You do trust your doctor but that doesn’t mean that you purposely rejected the idea of getting abortion while you deal with an unwanted pregnancy only to come across with a risk of miscarriage. Of course it is always there whether you do the test or not, but that's nearly a consolation. 

Nodding, you put all the papers in your bag before leaving the doctor’s office. Biding your goodbyes after ending with this week control. 

You come to the hospital with a dazed head, and you were going to leave it even more wrecked. But you just needed some air, somewhere to ease the wave of emotions that is going through your head. To catch your breath, you adjust your route to the cafeteria in the outdoors. Maybe, that could help you somehow. 

Not temporarily, but taking fresh air in your lungs somehow helped you. The phone call you had with Taehyung while you were at the verge of tears, too, and you sit in the cafeteria during all of these. Mimicking the doctor's words to your friend and Taehyung had listened to you, hang on your every word as much as he can on the other side of the line. Tried to console you, said that things will be alright and nothing bad will happen as if he was as sure as his name. And momentarily, you believed him. Both because you needed it, and he was being a good friend and you didn’t want him to feel useless. 

For good or ill, now, your heart is resting in ease. 

Well at least it was until you see a glimpse of dark uniform in the corner of the wall, and then a familiar face you haven’t seen in a while. A smile that softly shaped as heart, causing your heart to palpitate fast but in a much different way than the news you learned today, or the idea of your mother's future disappointment. It’s more thrilling and in a way even scarier than the other two options. As the opposite of how familiar the face is, the reason for your heart going this insane was abrupt. Even odd when you think the very less time you spent with the owner of the familiar face, yet it was there, forcing you to gulp down, consume every emotion he forced you to feel. 

Contrary to what you expect - and you didn’t know why you were expecting him to be happy after seeing you - his face falls, the shape of heart shutters around his mouth. And to your shock, it put needles somewhere near to your chest. 

The last time you saw him, the atmosphere was intense as you shared things that normally you wouldn’t do with a partially stranger but with him even though feelings were gloomy, you weren’t uneasy. And to you, when he was consoling you, internalizing what you were telling him, he wasn’t disturbed. At least he didn't look like that. But, the more you size him up, the more you get sure of his strange disturbance. And it did burn. Smoke choked you down, and put tears on your eyes. Fucking pregnancy hormones…

Not aware of your action, you caught your hand in the air, in the middle of a shake as Hoseok greeted you by the tiny bow of his head. And expecting more cutted harsly, as a knife in the gut. 

Whether it’s because of your blind act, or whether he feels obligated, Hoseok comes closer to the table you were sitting, leaving the person behind he was talking to before he saw you. With every step, you breathe another air to gather your confidence a bit high, but it’s useless as your hands start to tremble under the table, fortunately away from his sight. 

‘‘H-hi,’’ no matter how much Hoseok tries to sound friendly, it’s not, and you can hear in his voice as it comes out broken. His eyes are still deep and candid but not glowing the way it fascinated you when you first saw him. Still, you greeted him with a tight smile, wave of your hand small. 

‘‘Take a seat-’’ pointing the available chair, you cut yourself to say something else. To correct your words. ‘‘I mean if you want… of course,’’ 

To your surprise, he holds the chair to adjust for him to sit on. But everything feels so forced and awkward that you can’t stop wondering if you said something to him and cause him to feel uncomfortable around you. Your brain works so hard to scan the memories of that day, but you fail to find something so disturbing to make Hoseok shift in his seat, a line between his brows and a noticeably insincere smile. 

It takes minutes for someone to talk first and scare the clouds away only for a moment. 

‘‘Are you waiting for your appointment or has it already finished?’’ 

‘‘Ah, yeah, it’s done. I just needed to take a moment and fresh air because…’’ your voice eventually trailed off as you realised he just asked to look friendly and probably doesn’t want to hear your whelming emotions anymore. ‘‘of stuffs, you know.’’ 

Hoseok nods, his mouth thin as a line, and even though it shouldn’t, it breaks your heart. Yes, this man owes you nothing, and of course he doesn’t have to sit there and listen to how sorry and depressed you feel over the things doctor Seokjin have told you, but it still hurts to see him this… joyless. The curiosity burns deep and wild as you desperately want to know what the hell you did to make him this anxious, but your mind barely helps as you wander in the empty field. 

‘‘I should probably get going-’’ 

‘‘It’s been a while-’’

Words clashing and drowning one another, silence takes over and Hoseok abruptly stops above his chair as he was about to leave before you parted him. And now he looks at you with wide eyes, fear in his chest growing big as your bottom lip trembles for only a second but he catches it. 

He sits back on his seat with hands on the air. ‘‘Oh, yeah, it’s been a while since we last saw each other.’’ he says but you know it’s out of pity, and you would rather die than crumbling under his gaze. So you shake your head with a false smile, though hammers work in your chest. 

‘‘Ah, don’t mind me. Go ahead, you are probably busy and have so much to do. So, you can leave, seriously.’’ 

‘‘No-, no, no, Y/N. I’m sorry, I want to stay and talk to you, really. I really am sorry for acting rude.’’ 

Maybe because the look on his face, or the warm tone of his voice, you decide not to pressure him to leave after you ask if he really wants it for a second time. But he nods and smiles, and this time it reaches his eyes, a hot pink blossoms in you. 

Though, before either of you can say anything, a touch at your back stops you. You hear the breathy voice before you turn your head. ‘‘Ahh, finally I found... you. Care to explain why you are-...not picking your phone?’’ 

And when you turn over, you see a panthing Yoongi. His hand on his knee and looks at you with concerned gaze. Then, they leave you only to land on the man on the other side of the table, and Yoongi’s eyes go wide. 

He extends his hand in a non-moving shake to the air. ‘‘Oh, hi. Sorry to butt in.’’ he stretches his hand towards him, the ghost of a smile appears on his lips. ‘‘It’s Yoongi,’’ 

Voice deep, and it takes long to draw out when the man in dark uniform mirrors the act. ‘‘Hoseok.’’ 

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 10

Connections

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party arrived in Cauterdale, the heavily-fortified port city at war with nature. They arrived in search of members of the Deathseekers' Guild- the organization of professional adventurers and monster-hunters that likes to be very up-front about its mortality rate- to handle a dragon problem that they're personally a little underleveled for.

While Looseleaf had a fateful encounter with the Plot at the Temple of Andra, Saelhen and Oyobi were headed to the barracks of the city guard, to speak to "Mags", the guard on duty when the local Deathseekers were last seen leaving town. And there...

You remember Medd Cutter, right? Highly-memorable Medd Cutter, the NPC who got oneshot by a T-rex and whose life the party saved? Well, to spite Rex... whatever his last name was, the pro-patria-mori asshole guard captain guy, Saelhen has decided that she's going to start spreading the word of Medd's heroism.

Oyobi, unfortunately, is bent on spreading the word of her own extremely ill-advised heroism, and so the two are having some sort of hype-off as they make their way into the barracks and effortlessly charm their way past the guards to where their quarry is posted.

These two are manning some sort of huge brass contraption, bristling with lenses and dials. One of them is a yuan-ti pureblood- which there are an unusual number of in the city guard, compared to the general population. Weird. Saelhen politely introduces herself, and Verity Truescale refers them to Magnaranth aka Mags, the loxodon who last saw the Deathseekers leave town.

Mags doesn't have a huge amount to tell them- the Deathseekers, evidently, were going hunting, out east somewhere. They brought a lot of torches, so apparently they were headed somewhere dark? Underground, maybe? They were pretty cagey about what exactly they were going out to do. Still, Mags can provide the names and addresses of the Deathseekers in question.

...And Verity, checking the instruments, notices that something is wrong with the tides- apparently something large is disturbing the waters, but they can't quite pinpoint what- it's not any of the usual suspects, which include things by the name of "Darkie" or "Unnessie". Ominous!

After that, the party meets up at the local Temple of Iska, their designated rendezvous point. They catch each other up on their gains, and decide... well, the Deathseekers are going to be back within a couple days, so they'll just wait for them in town and get going with them, to make sure things in Barley and Wheat go smoothly.

Of course, the question then is "where do we stay?"

Options aren't great- Cauterdale is crowded, and the B&B market is incredibly shitty. The best lodging is on Eman's Knee, the island just off the coast of Cauterdale, but getting the ferry over there is expensive, and resort lodging on a tropical island is also expensive.

That- you can't just- I mean, just because- I'm- I'm allowed to be predictable, okay???

(And anyway, it's Corolos where I ended up doing a murder mystery.)

So, Looseleaf gets a 24 investigating the town's B&B market, and finds a pretty good place! It's a weapons shop Saelhen noticed earlier, which is renting out rooms. The place has a huge fence topped with spikes, so they probably won't even get robbed!

Aria of War, as it happens, is run by an elderly yet ripped-as-hell tabaxi man, who Saelhen... vaguely recognizes.

Benedict I. (GM): So, this shopkeeper's coat is familiar to you. It's definitely not the same person, but you once knew a girl in Timber Towers named Toothbrush, with almost the exact same coat. Could be a relative! Saelhen du Fishercrown: Yeah, tabaxi have a lot of coat variation; it's not a safe bet that they're related, but Saelhen is willing to go out on a limb with him. "Good evening, sir, and I'm sorry to bother you, but I felt I had to ask..." Fish Especially: "No discounts." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Do you have any relation to a..." Was Toothbrush her real name? Benedict I. (GM): As far as you know! Tabaxi have weird names. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Toothbrush?" Fish Especially: He looks surprised. "Hold on, you know Toothbrush?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I knew I knew that speckle pattern." Saelhen smiles widely and without guile. "I met her in Timber Towers a while back. She played the violin." "More specifically, she couldn't play the violin, but she always failed very effectively." Fish Especially: "I'll be! Her theatre troupe doing all right for itself, then?" "Even with the noise of that awful thing?" "I never know what to think when she writes those letters..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Last I saw of them, they were doing pretty well for themselves! To be honest, I did a stint with them for a bit, they wanted advice on a traditional elven piece..." Saelhen leans in on her elbows. "Oh, she mangled it, but she compensated with charm and that one face. Her confident face, you know the one, where you think she's so confident that maybe it's supposed to sound like that?" Fish Especially: He laughs. "You do know my girl!" "She hasn't written in- I think a year, now. How's she been?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Oh, it's been so long, I'm barely an authority by now -- but I remember she was talking about taking classes in -- what was it..." "...oh, where are my manners -- I'm Saelhen du Fishercrown, it's a pleasure." Saelhen reaches out for a very unelven handshake.

That she says this is notable for one big reason: this is the first time she's used her real name, and not "Lady Noeru de la Surplus". Nobody else in the party has heard this before!

It's also notable because according to Fish Especially, Toothbrush thought Saelhen was dead- and he's going to let her know otherwise.

Anyway, the deal for rooms goes through without incident, and the night also goes without incident! As is entirely normal, they hear Vayen in the halls making some sort of attempt to sneak into Saelhen's room in the night... and this time, sighing and going "never mind" without even attempting to pick the lock for some reason.

In the morning... Looseleaf grills Saelhen on the name thing, and she confesses the truth of the matter to the whole party- who take it fairly well.

After team bonding, the party heads to the Temple of Andra to check in and see if the Deathseekers have showed up. And by the stablehand's account, they have- or at least, a bunch of weird old people showed up to meet with Gabbro.

Gabbro seems surprised to see them- he was under the impression that they'd leave the matter to them. The further involvement of the party should be unnecessary, right...?

Looseleaf: "Oh, yeah, I was going to let you know we were staying in town and ask for you to let us know when the deathseekers showed up, but, uh, judging by that meeting we interrupted, they're already back and right here." Gabbro: "That is correct," he says, as the stablehand leaves. "I was just briefing them on the mission, you see." "The situation is well in hand, so you needn't concern yourselves with it any longer." "That pesky dragon shouldn't be an issue." Looseleaf: "W-well, uh. I was, uh, we were, kiiiinda hoping to travel with you back to the dragon's tower." "I mean, it's our quest, so, it'd be nice to, for us to see it happening so we can be sure of it, y'know?" Gabbro: He looks somewhat taken aback. "That... seems... risky, don't you think?" "To bring along... certain... people?" Looseleaf: "We're going to stay very very far away from the action! We're not that dumb!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I assure you that we have no intention of fighting the dragon ourselves, sir." Gabbro: "Ah, yes, of course not..." "However..." He gives Looseleaf a pleading look. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And there are... certain persons in the nearby town, whose safety I would like to check up on. Personally." Looseleaf: He doesn't seem to want people witnessing the fight? It could be explicable through just, him being worried we'll get hurt. But it could also be, 'their deathseekers fight with methods that Orluthe in particular should not be allowed to witness.' Gabbro: "Ah, well, if that's the case... if you don't mean to get involved with the Deathseekers and their work..." Looseleaf: "We're not going to- we don't want any claim to the loot in the tower either, if that's a problem! Everything in the tower is you and your group's prerogative to deal with however we like."

Gabbro seems... put slightly more at ease, and decides to introduce the group to the ones who'll be their traveling companions shortly- the Cauterdale Deathseekers.

In order:

Doon Softbreeze, half-halfling rogue and all-around Grunkle Stan-type, friendliest with the party.

Kevin Softbreeze, Doon's soft-spoken herbalist husband and that's it, probably, just a gardener.

John Human, an extremely decrepit extremely human man who seems to make weird buzzing sounds when he speaks, as if with mouthparts instead of human lips.

Ryuusatsu Takuma, totally silent elf (not present at this meeting with Gabbro) who probably just doesn't like talking, is all.

Lady Fidelia Greatholder, heavily-armored and heavily-everything human noblewoman (also not present at this meeting), who- well, she shows up next session.

Gabbro makes a point of making clear to those present that Orluthe, who they'll be traveling with, is a cleric of Diamode- apparently they need to know this for some reason!

Doon's pretty friendly with the party, and offers to take on their job pro-bono- on the basis that, c'mon, if they could actually afford them, they wouldn't be knocking on their door for help. So it looks like they've enlisted some highly-capable dragonslayers with no ulterior motives! Fantastic.

Next time: The road back to Barley, and the tying up of a few loose ends in town. Saelhen needs to get her kimono back!

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 21: 3x04 And the Children Shall Lead

Okay, I’m finally going to write up my thoughts on And the Children Shall Lead. I think I’m (mostly) over all of my excessively-strong emotions about this ep lol. Maybe going through my notes will bring them back. Or maybe not. I’ve felt very tired and uninterested in everything today so it’s hard to tell. So far the process is not going well: tumblr ate my first attempt at a post, like literally I wrote a few lines, clicked to a new tab, and when I clicked back the post was empty so thanks for that, and I keep on just generally not being interested in the task. So, we’ll see.

The tl;dr is that I don’t see why this ep is considered one of the worst. I actually really liked it!

Single-color jumpsuits: the fashion of the future.

Another old Kirk friend! (This isn’t even important lol; it never comes up again or matters that Kirk knew this guy, but we must always be reminded that he is the best networker in Starfleet.)

“He’s dead, Captain.” Not “he’s dead, Jim”?? Sounds wrong.

“The enemy within.” I thought that was a S1 ep?

Ah, another bunch of creepy kids. In pajamas this time, apparently.

Kirk is not having fun being the center of their creepy little rhyme.

RIP to McCoy but my diagnosis is “alien shenanigans.”

“I’m sorry, Captain Kirk.” Such a polite little alien.

McCoy corralling the kids

This sounds a lot like Miri, except purposeful—something targeted all the adults but left the kids, just like the virus in Miri affected all the adults, but not the kids.

…A disturbance in the cave!

Lol at Kirk’s anxiety face. I feel you, man.

Spock’s never experienced anxiety? My first thought is ‘sounds fake’ but actually… maybe he really hasn’t.

“There has to be an explanation.” This is the MOST Jim line.

I like these kids. They’re actually pretty cute. Also love Kirk trying to relate to the kids.

Where are they? Is this Sulu’s greenhouse lol? I love it. They should have used this set more.

“That place is for adults.” Gotta say, I wrote this down but now have no recollection what it actually refers to. The bridge? I think it’s the bridge.

Are they performing witchcraft? Intriguing.

“Friendly angel”—nothing creepy about that at all.

Got a little alien cult going on here. Every time I feel anxiety from now on I’m going to assume it’s an alien cultist nearby.

“We’ll pursue this in my quarters.” Wink wink.

Can’t fool Uhura.

Never mind. Yes you can.

For someone who wanted the kids guarded all the time, Kirk sure was ok with them just traipsing around the bridge. I mean the guards are at the door but like…they’re only at the door.

Never really thought about how there’s apparently an…engineering component... to flying the ship? I don’t know, I don’t really get it but it’s cool.

"Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth." Damn. Great line.

BAND OF MARAUDES. That’s a cool backstory for the dead alien society. Basically, they’re ghosts. Greedy ghosts. Alien ghost pirates.

Great triumvirate scene. McCoy want to protect the kids and Kirk’s like “…but the ship, though?” Which is fair!!

What does the ghost want? Um, a ship to maraud in, were you not listening to Spock’s exposition of the back story?

No don’t beam anyone down!!

Love any time Spock pushes someone else out of the way so he can man the transporter. He’s somehow the second-best expert on it on the entire ship.

Eeek, low-key gruesome death there. Look, I know that this is one of the scenes that haters love to point out as a reason to despise the episode but I personally don’t think deeply enough into the transporter situation to wonder how much information they have or assume before they beam people anywhere. Also…weird alien stuff is happening, guys. Just attribute it to that. Also also, if you’re gonna nitpick like that, be prepared to hate all of TOS.

THE KIDS STOLE THE CAR.

“Sulu, what did you to do my ship?”

Uhura’s watching this little witchcraft scene from the background like ‘aw, so cute.’

“Call upon their beasts.” Metal.

“Go to your stations.” This little kid is a future Captain in the making.

SPACE KNIVES

Kirk's like "Oh no, my crew is deserting me, I'm gonna have to fly the whole ship by myself AGAIN.”

“Captain, why are we bothering Starfleet?” Et tu, Spock?s

How did they get to Spock? He doesn’t seem scared of anything…more like he’s under the influence of a general hallucination, like the others seeing the planet on the screen even after they left orbit.

I remember this part, with Kirk freaking out. Spock doesn’t like it one bit.

He’s just being a littttle Dramatique.

Cannot believe that all Spock has to do is say “Jim” in a quiet, intimate voice and Kirk is immediately okay. Just let it out of his system, grabbed onto his friend, heard his own name, and the beast is defeated.

“My Vulcan friend”? Lol.

Kirk’s face when he realizes they’ve got Scotty too…

“Go away or we’ll kill you.” That was legitimately creepy. Scotty gone rogue.

Aw, Spock was worried about him again.

“Without followers, evil cannot spread.”

“Where did you hear this order, Chekov?” / “The voices in my head.”

It’s interesting that Kirk and Spock can’t be manipulated—perhaps because they have each other?

Enough of this—fight time!

That guard sounded like he really liked that nerve pinch; he was kinda moaning as he went down.

“Spock, corral them to their rooms.”

Outta the chair, brat.

Is Kirk going to defeat the alien evil using logic?

Summoning the “angel” by using the old recording is very clever.

When did they decide to start calling him the Gorgon?

“It lost its power in the light of reality” = “I looked into Spock’s eyes and knew myself again.”

HE IS GENTLE. It’s true and you should say it.

And he doesn’t even dispute it. “AND we are ALSO very strong.”

"You are full of goodness. Such as you cannot be changed."

So the girl is Jankowski.

This is very Candyman. The alien needs their belief to live. When they cease to follow him, he literally disappears.

Honestly, this whole alien scheme starts to look equal parts silly and sad, trying to call the crying children "generals.” They’re babies!

McCoy loves to see children in tears lol.

Kirk just hands them all off to McCoy, like ‘well, my work here is done.’

Okay, now we reverse course to pick up those stranded security guards still on the planet, right? Right? No? Okay, guess not.

Uhura, immediately ready with the paperwork lol. Now IS the time.

The end!

Now to try to interpret all of my other, more general notes.

The way I interpreted Spock being able to defy the mind control was that he was affected by Kirk. Because he clearly was affected, but then when he saw Kirk starting to freak out, he looked concerned, and then got them both off the bridge—he had a breakthrough of clarity long enough to understand he needed to get off the bridge. Then he’d be away from the kids, and they wouldn’t have as much control, and he could snap Jim out of it, too.

Like I’m sure his Vulcan resilience could easily have been part of it, too, but that resilience wasn’t enough to keep him from being affected at all—and of course they could have easily written it that way—and it seems obvious that his moment of clarity was caused specifically by watching Kirk starting to lose it. There are so many shots of him specifically watching Kirk and the guard.

The K/S vibes were so strong. Spock was so protective, then they get in the lift and Kirk basically clings to him. All he has to do is say Kirk’s name and Kirk is fine, which is basically the power of true love. And then even outside of that scene… for the whole rest of the ep, they’re a duo. It’s not just Kirk against the Evil of the Week, it’s Kirk and Spock, working together at every turn. Neither of them could have done it alone.

it's a pretty classic trope, in fact, especially in s1, to have Kirk all alone, abandoned by all...where he's the last man standing, the one who has to run the whole ship and save the whole day. Naked Time, This Side of Paradise, and Trouble with Tribbles (kinda) all come to mind. But this time he has Spock! You see the progression of their relationship in that.

I really enjoyed this episode in general. Lots of classic tropes: creepy children; surprise alien; old alien society not as dead as we thought; Kirk has to run the whole ship by himself (with Spock); heroic!Kirk saving the day… It has it all. It’s clearly revisiting some older themes and ideas, but in a sufficiently unique way that it doesn’t just seem like a rehash of an older plot. In some ways, it felt like a Classic S1 episode to me. It has some Miri elements, some Charlie X elements, some Naked Time elements…

I literally don’t understand why it’s so disliked.

Skimmed the wiki and the only specific criticism in there is that Kirk shows an “unmistakable hostility to the children.” Well first of all, he doesn’t. He might not have the best manner with them, but why should he? He’s certainly not mean or cruel to them. He recognizes they’re a danger to his ship, and to the whole planet of Marcos-12, which by the way is objectively true, but that’s not being hostile. McCoy is the one who represents ‘exclusive care for the children’s welfare’ in this ep, but he CAN do that, because he’s not the Captain. He represents that perspective, he gives his opinion, which is both his job on the ship and his role on the show, and then Kirk takes that into account while doing HIS job, which is running the ship. McCoy would have literally let the kids take over their ship and conquer the galaxy as part of their grieving process lol. Kirk was right and I should say it. (Also btw he understands that killing the kids might be an option—but he obviously doesn’t actually do it.)

I actually think this ep is a great example of the triumvirate functioning--McCoy reminds Kirk that the children are just traumatized children, and Spock reminds him that he's responsible for 400+ people on the ship, and Kirk makes the decisions that vanquish the evil, save the ship, and free the kids.

And look, even if you don’t like this episode, you’d have to argue very hard to convince me it’s the WORST, as in worse than Spock’s Brain, worse than The Alternative Factor, worse than Assignment Earth (not even a real TOS ep!), worse than The Omega Glory.

Some stuff I actively liked: the concept of the alien taking over the children specifically (both creepy and…kinda makes sense? That they’d be vulnerable); the message that the followers of demagogues can be both truly dangerous and objects of sympathy; the backstory of the evil empire of pirate aliens—and how greed doesn’t die; the witchcraft aesthetic, ESPECIALLY when paired with the kid antagonists, since kids are so into that like chanting, incantations, rituals thing; that the ep used every single main character (when was the last time a TOS ep did that?). Also I thought the kid actors did a good job!

The theme about the authoritarian and the cult followers was actually quite resonant, I thought; inevitably made me think of Tr/ump and his Tr/umpies. Just like in this episode, you must have some kind of… if not sympathy, at least willingness to do the hard work of deprograming and then bringing them back to the fold, or else the country is never going to heal and it’s never going to be able to go forward in a positive way. It might not go forward at all! But fuck it’s hard to have that sympathy; they’re so abhorrent. Here, you see the terrible things the kids do, and yet sympathy isn’t so hard, because they’re kids. You see how much they are victims/pawns also. And so in that sense, Kirk’s ability to deprogram them is comfortingly optimistic—a little bittersweet, as TOS often is, because the kids have done horrible things and seen horrible things and now they’ll have to live with it, but comforting nonetheless.

I can’t even think of that many things I didn’t like in the ep. Mostly just nitpicky things. Like, was McCoy a little inconsistent in what he thought should be done with the kids? Yeah, but we get the general idea. Did Kirk drop the ball when he let them hang out on the bridge? Yes, especially as he knew how dangerous they were at that point, but I actually don’t mind it so much because they’re kids—it’s understandable that their true dangerousness didn’t fully compute to him. I don’t see that as a mistake or sloppy writing tbh. And was it an amateur hour mistake to beam two people into space? Yes, but it made up for it in being creepy and upping the stakes of the ep.

I guess I could see how the fist gesture could be seen as a little silly. But the other option, having them speak rhymes each time, would have been distracting—and probably also looked silly! Also, as my mom pointed out, it looks like a kid’s game (sorta like the start of rock paper scissors) so it fits appropriately with the theme.

I really liked how they wove in the aesthetic of kids’ games, kids’ manners of playing, into the narrative. Kids can be really creepy! They like creepy things! So the ring around the rosy rhyme at the beginning—a quite disturbing chant, of course, about the Plague, that is also very commonly sung by actual kids—foreshadows the summoning chant that brings the alien to them. It’s all of a piece. And just like the rhyme is just a rhyme, and they don’t know the real meaning behind it, they probably also don’t fully understand the meaning of the summoning chant or the alien that comes with it. It’s all one big game to them.

It’s interesting that the alien seemed to play off their desire both to punish their parents for working too much ("they like the planet, they're always busy") and to have freedom from parental rules (how they react to any instructions from adults, the alien's promise that the whole universe will be their playground, etc.). He really picks their sore spots as kids specifically and turns them into his “generals” accordingly. Like all kids, they don’t think too much about the larger consequences of their game because in some ways, it really is all just a game to them.

I liked how the episode characterized Kirk’s ability to interact with kids. He’s not bad with them at all, but he’s not like McCoy or Chapel either. He “wants to communicate with the future adult in the kid,” as my mom put it, which is perfect. He doesn’t exactly treat them as mini-adults—he doesn’t say inappropriate things to them, and he does simplify his language and his ideas for them—but he does treat them very seriously. And he’s probably best at one-on-one interactions like with Tommy. I think this makes total sense for his character: he doesn’t have kids (David aside lol), he doesn’t have younger siblings, he doesn’t work in a place where he’d see other people’s kids, he doesn’t get to see his nephew much, etc.

…Okay those were all my notes. I know I had other thoughts that were a little less scattered later, but… I’m tired. And most of it is probably in here in some form or another. I also found a list of, like, actual critiques of the episode, and I was considering going through them and addressing them all, and I might still do that. But I think that’s for another day.

[despairforme]

     He had almost forgotten which date it was today. That’s how preoccupied he was with OTHER matters in his life. It was a good thing then, that he had set an alarm on his phone to be SURE he didn’t forget. He was startled when it rang, and before he looked at the screen, he really had no idea why it was sounding. The display on his phone said ‘ doc ‘, and then he remembered. Yeah, he was supposed to head to the hospital today for his check-up. Nnoitra went to these check-ups a couple of times each year. He HAD gotten shot in the head after all. Going to the hospital wasn’t something he enjoyed, and he... Had half a mind to ask Grimmjow to come with him, but that would probably be lame, right? He was a grown man and could go by himself. So he did.

     The waiting room wasn’t that crowded. An elderly couple was sitting a few seats away, and a bored-looking younger man had just gotten up and followed a nurse. Nnoitra was playing on his phone, invading planets with his leveled up powers. It was calming, because this game was very easy - even HE could play it without losing and getting pissed off. The pictures on the walls were the same as when he was last here. Not-so-great paintings of landscapes. Forests, mostly. Nnoitra hadn’t spent much time in this part of the hospital. Most of his time in hospital had been spent waiting for ( and trying to get to see ) Grimmjow after all. He HAD spent a good few weeks here after he got shot, but it had been in a different department. It was a large hospital, but Nnoitra had remembered which floor to go to since he had been here only six months ago. When he was last here, his doctor ( who had been his primary physician with regards to his gunshot wound ever since it happened ), had told him that he had published an article about his case in a medical journal. Apparently, Nnoitra’s survival of his injury was a big deal. Almost like some sort of miracle.

     The reason why Nnoitra disliked hospitals wasn’t because of the times when he had had to stay here. It wasn’t like he was traumatized from getting shot... Not even the amnesia that had followed had been all that bad, in comparison to WAITING FOR GRIMMJOW. That was the sole reason why he didn’t like hospitals. It always reminded him of how he had come here every day, hoping he would get to see his boyfriend, but he had been denied access to him. No wonder, Nnoitra thought to himself. He tapped a finger against the screen to exit the game. He didn’t feel like playing anymore. It wasn’t enough to distract him from his bad memories. Would he have felt better about it if the chair next to him wasn’t empty? If Grimmjow was sitting here with him? He didn’t get time to answer the question, because his name was called next. The nurse pronounced it wrongly - that happened from time to time. Didn’t matter. He got up from the uncomfortable chair and headed to the doctor’s office. It was a white door with a tiny metal plate on it. The plate had printed black letters, spelling out the name of his doctor. Nnoitra didn’t stop to read it, and just entered.

     The doctor was not that old. He always seemed enthusiastic, but not in an unprofessional manner. His hair was thinning slightly at the top of his head, making him look older than what his youthful face said. He smiled at Nnoitra when he entered, and soon after they were shaking hands. 

     ❝ Good to see you, Nnoitra! ❞  He said, and it sounded like he meant it. ❝ How are you? ❞  Nnoitra guessed that that article he had written wouldn’t be that amazing if he suddenly dropped dead from the wound that should’ve killed him. 

     ❝ ‘M alright. ❞ Was his answer, his shoulders rolling in an indifferent shrug. Of course the answer was not that he was ‘ alright ‘. His life was FUCKED UP at the moment, but that wasn’t something he could tell his doctor about. He was here for his physical health, not his mental state. In any case, Nnoitra kinda liked how friendly the doctor was with him, and he’d rather not change that by making the man think he was some kind of criminal. His answer drew an understanding smile from the doctor. Nnoitra thought that was the sort of look you give people when you pretend you understand them. At least the doctor understood that Nnoitra didn’t want to talk about it. WELL HE DID WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT! Just --- not with a doctor. 

    ❝ And how is your head? I remember last time we talked about the fact that you had been having some headaches? Do you still get them, or? ❞  Nnoitra thought about it, trying to remember the last time his head hurt. He thought it had been a couple of months since the last time... Which was definitely an improvement. The doctor didn’t rush him. He just patiently waited for a reply. Nnoitra shrugged again.

     ❝ Mah, ‘s been a few months, I think. Don’t think I’ve had a bad one since ‘round Christmas. I get small headaches, but I ain’t no pussy so I don’t even remember ‘em. ❞ He couldn’t say how many of those minor headaches he had had. It would just be a dull pain against his temple, and since he was NOT afraid of pain, he didn’t let it bother him too much. The headaches his doctor was referring to were MUCH worse. It was the kind of headache that you’d imagine you’d get after getting shot in the head.

     The doctor asked him some more about his headaches, and Nnoitra answered as best he could. No, he couldn’t say how often he got them. And no, they didn’t impact his daily activities. No, he didn’t think there was any specific trigger for them.

     After a few more questions, they got to Nnoitra’s least favorite part, where he was asked to remove his eyepatch so that the doctor could take a look. He asked him kindly, as if Nnoitra was self cautious about it. He was, but not in front of this man. It didn’t matter for shit if this guy thought his face looked like a fucking horror movie or not. It was different with Grimmjow. He didn’t want his boyfriend to be disgusted by his face. Nnoitra removed the eyepatch by opening the two little buttons at the back that kept it together. He pushed his hair away too, because his bangs were always falling on that side of his face. He was sitting down in a chair, and the doctor was standing over him, leaning only slightly ( he was not a very tall man ) to be at the right height to inspect the healed wound. Nnoitra knew perfectly well what it looked like. The eye socket had almost grown shut, leaving only a very roughly scarred dip where the eye would’ve been. The browbone had been crushed by the impact from the bullet, and some fragments had been impossible to reconstruct. So yes, this side of his face was FUCKED UP. That didn’t even count in the older scar beneath his eye, reaching almost down to his cheekbone, where the old infection from when he got stabbed had eaten away at his skin. The doctor was leaning in close, and Nnoitra kept his head at the best angle to let him see. It was pretty strange, having someone stare intensely at a place on his body he never showed to anyone. He didn’t feel awkward about it though. Apart from how UGLY it looked, this scar wasn’t a bad thing. It was just proof that he had survived something most people would not have. 

     ❝ Is it okay if I touch it? ❞ 

     ❝ Yeah, ‘s fine. ❞

    A fingertip was carefully pressed to the wound. Nnoitra could feel it. ALL these nerves were completely fucked up. Some parts of the scar, he had no feeling in at all, and others were very sensitive. The most sensitive part, surprisingly enough was the exit wound behind his ear. This spot would NEVER fail to give him shivers when he accidentally touched it when putting his hair up or when he showered. 

     ❝ It has healed quite nicely. There is a thick layer of scar tissue here. ❞  ‘ Quite nicely ‘, huh? Mah, at least he didn’t have a HOLE there now. It wasn’t like it had looked all that great before he got shot. With his blind eye just randomly sliding back and forth, making him look all cross-eyed when he wasn’t wearing his eyepatch. Cute, Grimmjow had called it. Nnoitra didn’t say anything to the doctor’s remark, and soon enough, he seemed to be done examining it. Nnoitra kept his eyepatch off. It was incredibly rare that he would be in a room with someone and not wear it, and a doctor was probably the ONLY person who he KNEW it would not be dangerous to show his weak spot to. He imagined that if any of his opponents ever learned what he hid under that eyepatch... They would definitely try to punch him in the eye. He remembered that before he got shot, his bad eye had been incredibly sensitive. One punch there and he was in so much pain he had to throw up one time. Maybe that part had improved, after the gunshot? He wasn’t about to put it to the test though. ❝ I know we talked a little bit about possibly having some reconstructive surgery. Last time that was not something you were interested in. Are you still more comfortable with your eye the way it is, or have you had a change of heart? ❞  Ah, yeah, he remembered this. The doctor thought he should do some plastic-surgery shit to try and ‘ reconstruct ‘ the eye-socket and put a glass eye in there. Nnoitra could not imagine that it was possible for ANY surgeon, no matter how God-like skilled they were to fix this shit. It was bound to look wonky. He had seen some funny programs on TV about women who got their faces absolutely fucked up by plastic surgeons. No FUCKING THANKS. In any case, he had worn his eyepatch for about ten years now. It was a comfortable and he thought he would feel very odd without it.

     ❝ Nah, I’m good. Ya know I was already blind on that eye when I got shot, so I’ve been wearin’ this eyepatch ‘fer ages. It would feel weird as fuck ‘ta not wear it. ❞ Almost like going out without a shirt or something like that. Just...WEIRD. Nnoitra had the same thing with his bracelets. He had worn them for years ( and actually his bracelets he never, ever took off, unlike his eyepatch which he removed when he showered ). The thought of removing them was almost like removing a part of his body. It was a lame ass comfort thing for him. He really had no problems with his bad eye having to be hid under his eyepatch. The ONLY thing he wished was that he would find... Some sort of way to show Grimmjow his eye. He knew he COULD just show it to him, but he was worried he’d regret it. What if Grimmjow found the sight so disgusting that he would never be able to kiss him again without imagining kissing some sort of zombie? He didn’t want to put that sort of burden on his boyfriend.

     They talked some more. There were some more questions for Nnoitra to answer, and then a few memory tests ( which he thought he completed pretty well ). Eventually the doctor checked the eyesight on his left eye, and told him that his vision was excellent. That kinda cheered him up. Wasn’t often anything about him was referred to as ‘ excellent ‘. Nnoitra hadn’t thought he’d feel BETTER after his appointment, simply because of how much he hated hospitals, but when he walked home about an hour after arriving... He WAS feeling better.

     He also... Wondered if he should talk to Grimmjow about showing him his eye. OR if that was bad timing. There were other things he should talk to him about instead. Nnoitra didn’t know whether he would bring the subject up to Grimmjow, but at least he was considering it, and that was the first step. At least that’s what he liked to believe. 

[hteragram-x]

Janus as a middle school librarian

This is a bunch of HCs for the Sanders Sides Human AU where Janus is a librarian. (It’s mostly about Janus plus some Roceit, so Roman is there too.) The first part is [RIGHT HERE], but it’s not a complete story with specific plot. Still, it gives a lot of context.

Also, a special thank you to @anxiously-creating​ because your enthusiasm was very motivating to write something more :D And another thank you to @a-vintage-snake​ for giving me seal of “the real librarian approval”! I shall keep it with honour.

...

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

         Janus is unsurprisingly very active and invested when it comes to the events that take place in his school despite having no say in anything that happens outside the library.

         But he just occasionally shows up at different meetings and it’s pretty difficult to get rid of him, so in most cases the teachers or other people working with the principal simply let him stay. He likes to know what is going on and contribute to the discussion in the name of the students, even if he’s not technically allowed to.

         The only system he will ever respect in his library catalogue. That’s it.

         …although he can make an exception. Because there were a few old history books that one may politely call outdated and Janus will not politely call “fucking bullshit”. And in his silent protest he moved them to the “Fantasy” section of the library. No one ever noticed, but he feels proud nonetheless.

         Janus once told Roman about this act of nerdish rebellion and he said it was “the lamest thing he’s ever heard”, but it was accompanied by an endeared smile, so Janus counted it as a win.

         When it comes to the catalogue he works almost exclusively on the computer, but the old one with little wooden drawers is still around and Janus refuses to get rid of it. It’s mostly a decoration at this point, but he wants to keep it around, because it brings nice memories and looks cool. Also, looking through the slips of paper filled with faded cursive gives him the feeling of being transported to another era… (Look at his clothes and manners and tell me he wouldn’t do that just for the aesthetic. It’s more fancy and classy than looking things up on the computer. And as we all know Classy is his middle name.)

         The memories the catalogue brings are from the same school, because he used to attend it (and there are only a few older teachers that may remember the time when Janus was a kid). When he was little, he was best friends with the elderly lady that worked there at the time. She always let him see what was behind the desk and taught him how to look for something in the catalogue.

         Said lady was his biggest role model. She always let him talk about the books he had read and recommended something new. She also quickly noticed that he may not be that interested in the books for children, so he could ask for something more serious without the fear of hearing: “But it’s for grownups! It’s boring. Why don’t you read this story about little animals? It has pictures!”

         When Janus started working in this school he really tried to be the same person for the students that she was for him, but it took months of hard work, gritting teeth, and muttering curses under his breath, because he felt like he wasn’t even half as good and lacked the patience to become better.

         At the beginning his enthusiasm was immediately shattered, because many kids were simply scared to go to the library. However charming Janus may be from adults’ perspective, he looked, to put it mildly, intimidating in the children’s eyes.

         At one point Janus was really close to quitting, because no matter how kind he was, he realized that the children were uncomfortable in his presence and there was nothing he could do to change it. He was more polite and nicer than usual, he tried to cover his eye with strands of hair and mask the scar with concealer. He even wore lighter or more colourful clothes for a few weeks with little to no effect. Nothing helped.

...

         The moment that accidentally changed his image came at the end of January when a group of kids couldn’t exit the parking lot behind the school, because the gate was blocked by the group of older teenagers from other school.

         It didn’t happen for the first time, so the kids knew that they would be showered with snowballs the moments they come closer to the fence. Janus remembered the same thing happening years ago when he himself was a younger student and he also knew that this would not be a pleasant, playful snowball fight.

         So instead of leaving the parking lot in his car he approached the kids, who – like he predicted – didn’t really like the idea of being trapped between a gang of mean sixteen-year-olds and one mean-looking librarian. But Janus calmly explained that he will go to the gate with them and he’ll make sure that they can reach the next bus stop without being bothered by the teens.

         They barely started walking when he saw one of the older kids raising his arm to aim a snowball. Instead of waiting for the hit Janus quickly made a snowball himself and throw it, hitting the teenager right in the face. He probably should feel bad for doing that to someone nearly half his age, but it was weirdly satisfying.

         He glared at the teenagers with such a grimace that they quickly left and the younger kids could go home safely, but – just in case – he stayed with them until they reached the bus stop. They muttered some shy “Thank you” and quiet “That was pretty cool” and talked to him for a while before the bus arrived. They also waved to him from behind the window, when it departed and were surprised to see him wave back.

         This small group that saw Janus’ real face started treating him differently and they quickly explained to other kids that he wasn’t actually that scary. Slowly but surely, more and more students gain enough confidence to go the library again and Janus couldn’t be happier about it. He seriously considered quitting knowing that his presence scared some students off.

         From that moment his reputation was changing only in a positive way (at least among the students). When the next year started, the new kids didn’t even know about Janus’ difficult beginnings, because everyone always told them that if they don’t feel safe or need any help they should go to the library.

...

         The kids that were attending the school when he started working are now students at different universities, and some of them like to occasionally visit him at work. They talk about the shared memories and often laugh at him for his inability to make friends without breaking some commonly respected rules in the process. Like the unwritten rule that adults, especially the ones working at school, shouldn’t hit students’ faces with snowballs.

         Some of his first kids (he still thinks about the as “his kids” despite the fact that some of them are close to thirty) met Roman during one of their visits and had to show unprecedented amount of restraint to not embarrass their favourite librarian with squealing and joking about his crush. (Janus’ feeling were fairly obvious at this point.)

         He wouldn’t try half as hard to keep a friendly relation with Roman if it wasn’t for this “kids’” supportive harassment and constant texts with question about him making the first move.

         When Roman worked on the mural, he quickly noticed, how much time Janus spends simply talking to the students and he initially thought that all these discussions were about literature.

         Which is partially true, because Janus loved talking about books and recommending them to kids just like his own favourite librarian did in the past. He also liked to surprise some students by reading the literature for children that they liked and throwing some references to the characters or iconic lines to let them know. Normally he would focus on something more serious, but it was always nice to hear the kids rambling about the series they were obsessed with and actually understand what they meant.

         However, as Roman soon discovered, many of the conversations that Janus had with the students had nothing to do with literature. Apparently, half the time they were simply gossiping about teachers, laughing at some obscure inside jokes, or judging Roman’s outfit of the day.

         And there was usually a lot to judge, because outside the occasional tiara to keep the hair out of his eyes or the paper crown he always wore some weird old clothes he could ruin with paint without regrets. And let’s just say that he didn’t really care about matching colours and patterns or finding the right size when he went to work.

         Which – especially compared to Janus’s rather plain, but elegant attire – looked… intriguing.

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This AU hurts me, because I’m not very good at drawing children, eldrely people, or clothes... and all I want is to draw little Janus talking to this older lady or Roman in one of his weirdest outfits...

[skekheck]

So something weird happened to the original ask where the “read more” cut off ended up in the ask itself? Tumblr go home, you’re drunk. So I’m just making this it a separate own post.

But anyway as it turns out while typing all of this I have a lot of headcanons for the mystics apparently. Here’s a nice, big list of the ones I can think of:

>The mystics are the ideal versions of the urSkeks: they are creatures without “darkness” or “evil”. The mystics avoid the skeksis because on an unconscious level they don’t want to associate with them for being their “dark halves”. This self hatred is deeply rooted from the urSkeks who wanted to remove their “darkness” using the Crystal (which in my opinion wouldn’t have worked anyway) instead of actually mastering it. This could go deeper, as urSkek society might have instilled toxic projections on individuality and positive traits like ambition and passion being considered bad. While only a handful of mystics have made contact with the skeksis at some point, the majority avoided them.

>I feel like as a whole, the mystics know who they originally were to some extent but are in complete denial about them being one with the skeksis. The reasons for it are the ones I stated in the above headcanon. I also feel like because they know they are not from Thra that is why they keep to themselves and try not to interfere with what goes on around them.

>UrSan can use a weird type of water magic that not only let’s her breath underwater but anyone else she wishes to as well. Amri meets urSan for the first time in Tides where they’re both underwater and he has no trouble breathing. They left their meeting ambiguous if it was a dream or not, but I think it happened.

>The mystics leave the gelfling to their own devices, but on rare occasions they intermingle with them. According to Tides, the Dousan ways are quite peaceful and their views (especially surrounding death) are thanks to a mystic who taught them their ways. UrLii may be the only one to have any kind of relationship with one currently (being Maudra Argot). He’s kept a secret from the rest of the clan, but I think he’s been friendly with the other maudras before her. I especially feel the mystics who frequent outside the valley developed friendships with selective gelfling over the years.

>UrSan and urVa met each other the most out of all of the mystics living outside of the valley because of their life styles frequently cross paths with each other. They have short chats before going their separate ways.

>Aside from skekGra and urGoh, skekSa and urSan interact the most out of all of the pairs. They meet on occasion when the Mariner needs a map or any kind of guidance through the Silver Seas. But I also think they meet for non-business reasons too.

>Besides urZah, urSen is one of the more spiritual mystics and being more finely tuned with Thra. This could be the reason why he had a premonition of his own death years before it happened. UrSen kept his imminent death to himself, but urZah (and maybe urSu) figured it out.

>urZah’s the most cynical out of all the mystics. Maybe he was taken advantaged of when he was younger or as ZohZah, but it made him distrustful  even to the other mystics. The only friends he’s ever made were with urSen and Jen where the latter helped him to be a little more trusting of others.  

>The mystics who live outside of the valley still live in the places they did in the books. So urSan inhabits her stone tower near Ha’rar and urVa lives in his dirt hovel within the Endless Forest. But at least for the two I used as examples, they leave their homes for long periods of time.

>Since apparently he’s considered a rebel by mystic standards, urSol challenges the mystic ways (but that’s not saying much). Like his skeksis counterpart, he acts as an adviser to the leader (urSu and then urIm when the former died). He has suggested getting more involved in the affairs of Thra and do something about the skeksis, but the others wouldn’t budge from their beliefs. Being a mystic, urSol wouldn’t pressure it any more afterwards but it would bother him. When urGoh (and skekGra) spoke of unification, his suggestions came more frequently. By the time the skeksis and mystics reappear in the sequel comics, it’s then that urSol decides to stop being the adviser and become more proactive.

>Following the above headcanon, urSol was inspired by urGoh’s pleads for unification. He arranged a meeting with skekSil to talk about it, but knowing the Chamberlain it didn’t end well. UrSol barely left the valley afterwards until Jen came along.

>Another urSol headcanon: I think he was the one to suggest to raise Jen and tell him about his destiny. While urSu agreed to take care of the orphaned gelfling, he wanted to keep Jen in the dark about his fate. The Master felt it would put too much pressure and stress on the child who’s already gone through so much. UrSu wanted Jen to have a normal childhood. UrSol agreed, but the two set up a compromise where urSol would teach the gelfling things that would help him on his journey without telling him why he was doing so. Because of this, Jen is as close to him as he is with urSu.

>urVa is depressed about the state of his relationship with skekMal. In the series, although he refers to him as his dark half, the Archer calls him by name and seems sad about having to end the Hunt for him. Given that the two live in the same area, they had opportunities of meeting each other. They may have had a slightly better relationship when they were younger and used to hang out on occasion. But it was when skekMal became more wild and obsessed with the Hunt did it crumble. The Hunter is the one responsible for all the animosity between the two and urVa has no ill-feelings for him. SkekMal might have told urVa he wants nothing to do with him anymore (likely in a brutal manner) and urVa respected his wishes even if it pained him.

>Like in the books, urVa has the x scar on one of his hands. He probably got it from skekMal (whether he carved it himself or by other means). He finds himself staring at it sometimes.