#it just feels incredibly heartless to me i guess

[capseycartwright]

What do you mean by the contentification of fic? Just curious as to why you think it’s bad!

ok i warned you this might be a bit old man screaming at the sky but you asked i shall answer

i think this trend i have seen a lot on specifically twitter lately where people are like “will post the fic when i get x number of new followers!” or “x number of likes and I’ll drop the chapter” is an incredibly depressing indictment of how even creative spaces like fic writing are being overrun by what i feel is a capitalism driven desire to contentify and ultimately commodify your every hobby and interest (aka when people are like omg you crochet start a tiktok business but with fic)

there’s nothing wrong with promoting your fic - we all do it and we should all promo our work when it’s live - but i find it hard to stomach this new trend where people are effectively holding back their work until they hit certain follower goals or numbers of likes. it doesn’t make me feel like you’re writing for the love of it or for the love of the characters - more that you’re writing for the attention and the potential following it will give you.

and listen, there’s nothing inherently wrong with desiring attention, but this contentification of fic where it’s being used as a tool to build your online following makes me feel mega icky. promo your fic to your hearts content but if you’re going to be like will post this fic when i get 300 new followers!!! it makes me immediately distrustful of the motivations behind you writing fic. you know? you should write because you love it. not because it gets you twitter followers and you crave a cult of your own or whatever.

and my hot and controversial take is that you can tell who’s writing and posting fic because they want to gain traction on twitter (the above mentioned contentification) and those who write because they love the characters. motivation shows in your words more than you realise.

[meear]

umineko fans are the original "if you don't like it you just didn't understand it" people. I genuinely cannot think of anyone more annoying and obnoxious, except SNK fans, except not even them, because in Umineko's case that behavior is enabled by the author himself. It's crazy how a story that spent hundreds of hours discussing the value in several coexisting interpetations will have both characters and fans turning around and tell you that actually you're completely wrong for thinking a certain way

The crazy part is they don't even realise how their smug attitude about being part of R07's very special club of people who "have love" and the superior way they act about holding the true answer are EXACTLY the Erika traits they criticise in readers who don't think like them. "He spells it out but you still cannot see it? Lol" "are there still people who can't accept the literal canon answer? lmfao" "you know you're exactly the goats r07 wrote about right?" (Because r07 is a god who cannot possibly be contradicted, this is supposed to be the worst insult somehow) (these fans cannot seem to decide who the goats are an analogy for, considering they'll scramble to say they only represent the story's witch hunters as a criticism of true crime fans when you call out r07's arrogance, yet they'll smugly tell you you're just a goat when you question the story itself. Thank you, it's nice to know that Ryukishi wrote about me, but that doesn't answer the fucking question, Brian)

It's incredibly ironic. How did a story like Umineko create and encourage so many people to sanctify one "official answer" and taking any other attempt as an insult?? Like is anyone feeling how ryu07 completely fucked up at what he was trying to do?

"So I won't open the catbox and reveal what actually happened on the island." oh, that's cool, I actually really like that! I agree that ultimately the true events of that day are a pretty trivial part of the story, and it's way more interesting not to know - "anyway it's Rudolf and Kyrie and it happened exactly like so and so, and Shkanontrice did this and that".

... Okay, well I really wish that had remained a mystery forever, since the point was that any truth would've been anticlimatic, and the choice to reveal that genuinely kills a lot of what made Umineko's appeal to me, but I guess we can still have fun with EP1-4 and try several alternative theories for the sequence of events- "here's the manga explaining everything in detail and if you didn't get it have you tried maybe having some more love? It would be sooo clear if you had love lmfao. you literally cannot comprehend my work unless you have"

... I really wish that guy would stop making assumptions about the inner mind of complete strangers who read his work, but I do enjoy getting to choose an ending! it really fits in with Umineko's theme of choosing the truth for yourself and making your own path that you can be happy with, as long as you keep thinking- "the Magic ending is meant to be the true end btw. if you prefer the other one you pretty much have no heart lol, it's obviously framed like a bad ending and there's only one acceptable choice and one way ange can find happiness"

... man, I'm so bored. Why write a game like that and then make it so that some choices are better than others instead of letting people think for themselves? Why would you force an interpretation on people/Ange when I've been led to believe that the narrative was against that sort of things? You want to highlight the value in your vision of "magic", fine, but why am I the heartless bitch for disliking that perspective and even trying to see things differently?

Why would you write a whole game around the really fun concept of several tales happening at the same time and the existence of endless truths inside the same catbox only to open the catbox and tell me "NO, you need to think a certain way, and if you don't like my answer FUCK YOU"

I understand that maybe he just had a specific answer in mind but I'm sorry the way he write the ending simply does not match the vision he seemed to have in the earlier chapters.

I genuinely respect Umineko as a work, I think it's one of the most ambitious stories I've seen and there is some amazing writing in there, but if Ryukishi wanted to allow for people to keep thinking and discussing what it means, he has failed miserably and I'm not talking about confession of the golden witch, I'm talking about the way he and his minions have shut down any possible discussion under the guise of "you just don't get it" (rephrased to "you don't have love" to make it sound more enlightened) and it's soured my enjoyment of something that should've been an amazing story. What is even left to discuss here when everyone has pretty much already made up their mind?

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I Am All In Rewatch - Luke & Jess - Episode 4x13

That kids a movie star. He's a movie star. You cannot not look at him...He's just so solid, you know. He's so good. He's so solid...I think all of the the Jess stuff has never been more powerful because he's never had more to do. He's confronting his mother or avoiding his mother, he's confronting Luke and reading  Luke the Riot Act and telling him, which was a devastating scene by the way, because he wasn't wrong....That Danes bloodline causing some...They're stirring it up aren't they?...It's it's easier than you think and harder than you think. Yeah it's both. Um. Because when it goes wrong, when it goes bad, it goes really bad. It's like it's like the outtakes are pretty funny because it's like it all goes south and it's just like it's hysterical because it's so bad. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work like beautifully, you know...You know, that was a brilliant scene between Jess and Luke, but I think it was incredibly unfair,and petty and easy and cheap shots. It was just, you know, Luke was formed. Uh you know, people are formed through their experiences, right, and they are who they are through their experiences in life. That's what teaches them and that's how Luke became. And for somebody to just rip the mask off that, I thought it was cruel and I thought it showed um a depravity on Jess's part that is completely debilitating him. Jess, I think it said. I think it said more about Jess than it than it does about Luke. And I think there's some truth even though there's some truth to what he was saying, Um, the manner in which that information was delivered was cruel, and it was heartless, and it was mean spirited. Deeply troubled person. Uh And and my opinion of him went down a couple of notches. Um. It's it's either he's so troubled that he's lashing out at everything, which is probably the case because he was you know, it looks like he was raised by a couple of addicts who didn't want to bother with him. Um, So this is a deep seated anchor.....The ultimate rebel, the ultimate bad boy. But boy, he just he just ripped Luke a new one. Wow.... I think it's a sign of strength in Luke that people try to call him out that it's actually a sign of their weakness when they say these things like I never asked you to help me. That to me is a sign of extraordinary weakness and ingratitude on somebody's part when they say that that is the worst thing you could That's the most revealing thing you could say to somebody. I never asked you to do that. When somebody steps up and does the right thing for somebody and then resents that person for doing it because they don't feel like they want to owe somebody something because I never asked you to do that...But you saved my ass... Okay, but screw you because you have problems and you know you want to feel like a martyr and you want to do this, Well, guess what, You're just trying to justify your own crappy behavior and ingratitude to what a person that you respect to. So that's why I thought it was such a low blow, because people like that drive me crazy. Drive me nuts. He quits life, he quits people, he quits on himself. He knows how to quit. He is he is the definition of a quitter. And it's tragic because he's so he's so appealing in so many ways, and he's so smart, and he's so you know, he's that guy that needs somebody that's not related to him to come into his life and inspire him to stop quitting, you know, somebody, because there's there's such a well of talent there. You just know it, you just feel it that Jess can do will do extraordinary things...So I see him as as having that depth of talent because he's so smart. -Scott

[hillbillyoracle]

I know you're probably busy but could you share more things that might seem like common knowledge about US religious fundamentalism that you feel don't get talked about enough?

I can't speak to religious fundamentalism generally. I can only speak to my experiences personally with Christian fundamentalism.

I also have trouble knowing what is and isn't common knowledge until it comes up in conversation.

I guess, given the wild responses I've gotten on that post, I want to inspire some nuance and empathy.

What I want people to know is that however you try to simplify Christian fundamentalism - these people are evil, they're heartless, etc - you will be wrong and you will not make a lick of progress.

--

So to preface what I'm about to say, I am trans and queer and realized it fairly early on. I also know that adults around me picked up on it before I fully did and were generally not accepting.

With that being said, I fucking loved church growing up.

My average week was going to church Sunday morning and then again for Sunday evening services. I would pretty much always go to Wednesday evening youth group and when Bible Bowl was in season, I usually had practice one evening a week with competitions every few Saturdays. Sometimes there were fellowship nights at restaurants in town or service projects with my youth group.

Some weekends there were conferences - usually about purity or some other aspect of fundie doctrine - and I'd load up in a van with a bunch of other people and get to stay overnight in some city hotel to go to them. In the summer, I usually went to anywhere between 2 and 5 church summer camps.

And I want to be clear here that I had many deep and moving spiritual experiences while with the churches that I attended (we moved some). I have so many lovely memories of being just so intensely present with this group of people I spent the better part of my non-school time with. One very directly wound up leading to my interest in Buddhism after I left which is my core spiritual path to this day. So there was very much something real to it.

The reasons I say this is because it was my world and nothing outside of it has come even close to the social, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs it filled for me. I've now spent about half my life outside of the church and I don't think there's been a day that's gone by where I haven't missed some aspect of my life in the church.

My experiences with the trans and queer community pale in comparison to what I was getting from the church. You can't understand how incredibly fulfilling it can be if you've never experienced it.

When people look at fundies and dehumanize them - call it a cult, call people sheep, call them evil, can't imagine why any human would so who ever would must not be human - they miss that there exists in these churches a critique of our communities that is incredibly valid: our communities just kind of suck.

There exist some exceptions but like what about the rest of us? Most of our communities - and I'm talking the ones we build on and offline, not just local - they don't have much programing, people are far more lackadaisical about showing up and putting in effort, people are very reactive and treat friends as disposable, very little is spent on deeper spiritual and intellectual topics. People are deeply lonely and for good reason.

When you're asking someone to leave these churches, you're often asking them to leave places where they are getting many more of their needs met than on the outside. And that is setting aside to ongoing displays of penance that so many people online especially demand when someone finally breaks away. You're asking them to do what's right for a lot less.

And I'm not saying that's wrong - I'm saying that's incredibly hard to do and you should honor how hard and complicated that is to do by not simplifying it or dehumanizing them as people.

Let complicated things be complicated.

Let complicated people be complicated.

I'm not sure if that's anything like what you were looking for but it's where my mind was at just now so I hope it's something.

[verycharismaticdragon]

...Would it be alright to ask how the sequel to "A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House" that you mentioned in the AN is doing? If not, please ignore this ask, thank you for all of your writings, and have a lovely day!! Otherwise- it's been half a year, and I was curious if you're still working on it, or if you've shifted fandoms/stopped for one of many other valid reasons? Have you had any favorite moments that you looked/are looking forward to sharing? Any sections that you're really pleased with how they turned out?

I love your story so much!! Ahh, I'm just *still* so excited to see how the relationships develop, now that the truth is on the table!! I keep wondering whether or not Binghe will find out about his Shizun's plans to revive himself - with the System dangling the promise/reward of accessing the memory data, Shen Qingqiu might find out about it! But, would he tell Binghe? Would he think it would reassure Binghe, or make him feel like absolute *scum* - Binghe suffering so much due to his death that he turned back *time*, when he wasn't *really* dead!

And! It's only been 3 years, not 5 it took, but - did the System simulate the old reality long enough that he would have awakened?? Would he get access to any simulated memories that occurred between Luo Binghe turning back time, and him giving the System go-ahead to stop running that old world? AAHHHHHHHHHHHH

And, will we get CucumberPlane friendship??? The Binghe-Airplane friendship was *amazing*, so could they be an actual, proper group of friends????

I just keep circling back to imagining how on *Earth* Shen Qingqiu will respond to the truth and all of these revelations, once he's gotten over the initial shock and the immediate need to comfort and reassure Binghe! Once he has a chance to *think*, what knots will this man tie himself into???

...Ah, I love your story and world so much!!! I'd still be incredibly happy and satisfied if just what you've written so far existed - thank you so much for the wonderful, wonderful story!!!!!!!! Please know that it continues to live in my head-rent free, and it likely will for a *long* time to come!!

Have a wonderful day!!

It's still a thing that's happening! Just not... soon lmao. I'm currently re-reading canon slowly and thoroughly, to both sharpen my SQQ voice and to ensure I'm not missing details!

(Yes I'm still in mourning about forgetting that bit from vol.3 about LBH physically pulling SQQ out of bed during disciple days, and unknowingly contradicting it.)

(Also I gotta put it out there that it took me almost 2 years to write Transmigrator Time Traveler. With a year-long break in the middle. So I'm just hoping to write the sequel a lil faster than that.)

As for the scenes, I'm having a lot of fun with the post-realization convo, wherein SQQ is trapped between 'well im straight so im gonna turn him down' and 'cant make binghe sad!!!' (and the undercurrent of not really wanting to turn binghe down. that he refuses to acknowledge.)

Some highlights:

“And if not after three years, then maybe after five, or ten, or twenty years,” Luo Binghe continued, with a hopeful lilt Shen Qingqiu didn’t know how to smack down without feeling like a heartless villain. “If not then, then maybe in a hundred years shizun will consider giving this disciple a chance…” And thus, before Shen Qingqiu could think up a proper reply, he was blasted in the face with this enormous number Luo Binghe seamlessly threw out.

and this (context is that lbh has wheedled a 'well i guess lots of things could happen in 100 years...' out of sqq, and is trying not to be too demanding)

“This disciple has no right to ask for anything else. If shizun…” Luo Binghe, seemingly not aware he was doing so, pulled a face, “if shizun wants to… other people……” Shen Qingqiu swallowed an undignified chortle that threatened to break free. Binghe somehow managed to look both like he was a puppy left out in the rain, and like he had bitten into a particularly sour lemon. Shen Qingqiu truly couldn’t help it; the urge to tease was just too much! “What,” Shen Qingqiu asked mildly, “you aren’t gonna promise to poke out the eyes of any men that dare to look at me? Not even hang any of my exes on the palace gates..?” Luo Binghe startled out of his expression, blinking confusedly before looking up at Shen Qingqiu. “Oh, right, no palace,” Shen Qingqiu ‘remembered’. “And no exes, for my part.” After a moment, Binghe huffed out something between a laugh and an exasperated sigh. “I could get a palace, if shizun wanted one,” he said casually, almost offhandedly, as if that would require about as much effort as picking up dinner from the specific restaurant that was just a little out of the way — sure, some effort, but definitely nothing too daunting. (Binghe really was so effortlessly cool! — Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but note.) “And shizun wouldn’t be happy if I poked someone’s eyes out on his behalf.” If it was anyone else, Shen Qingqiu would take this as a joke: like, oh, that’s the only thing that’s preventing you? But… no matter how sweet his Binghe was… he was still very much the protagonist who conquered the Endless Abyss. “Mn, please don’t do that,” Shen Qingqiu said seriously.

(me, writing this: im like dropping hints that sqq is still fundamentally comfortable with binghe despite being shook by the realization that he was being romanced!)

The first outline for this scene btw was just:

Sqq: sorry we can't be in a romantic relationship Lbh, dramatically: OK but I want to be the most important person in your life >:T Sqq, relieved: oh why didn't you just say so, okay In their thoughts, both: I don't think he understands what 'romantic relationship' means...

---

As for other things:

SQQ will not be learning about the plant body thing for a while yet. I know where I would put it, but I'm as of yet unsure if I'm going to write that instalment. For the sequel, SQQ will not get his memories unlocked until very late into the plot. Watsonian explanation is that he will not have the time to watch like 6 years of memory-TV straight, and if he asks the System to show him something, he has to at least know it happened. Doylist explanation is that he will have enough problems for me to maintain tension level even without him being fucked up about putting Binghe through his fake death :) and so I'd rather save it for a moment where it could be a major tension point of its own.

The System did not simulate the other world for long enough for "SY" to come back there, and even if it did, it would be like. a chatgpt version of SY. Plus the way i described how system's saved memories work, it'd be more like how SQQ experienced SJ's memories in the dream realm, and not as if he had actually lived the events. (And honestly SY living through coming back to find Binghe gone would be too angsty for me. I like things balanced between hurty and comforty.) (But also every time I think about how this au could be used to set up a spare SY!SQQ and I've decided against it, I imagine this:

sorry binggy)

Lastly, the cucumberplane friendship is on the menu, and so is the 1 braincell trio know-the-future club shenanigans ;D

[captainpains]

Forget Me Not (Crosshair x Reader)

I've never written for Crosshair, when I got this square on the @clonexreaderbingo card, it took the opoortunity to try something new. I hope you enjoy ❤️

Prompt: Crosshair

Warnings: gn reader, Medical emergencies, Angst, hurt-comfort (i think), bittersweet ending, bad writting (I can't write sadness).

~~~~~~

It felt like it was yesterday when you met him.

You were working on Kamino, a medical doctor hired to help the incredibly injured.

A tall and sarcastic man with a toothpick hanging from his mouth. He was not happy about being sent to the medbay. He was grumpy. But he had a sort of smirk on his face while you were treating him. You brushed him off; the soldiers tended to flirt a lot.

It was a couple of days later when he showed up again. This time carrying another man of roughly the same size, a gaping wound in the man’s side.

After rushing and helping the injured man, the man with a toothpick introduced himself as Crosshair. 

Since then, whenever his squad was planetside, he would visit you.

The two of you never talked much, but he had a relaxing presence about him. When you did talk, it was about your interests or jobs. You learned about his brothers and his favorite flavor of ration bar. From the outside, it was a strange friendship. But to the two of you, it was precious moments, moments untouched by the chaos of the war.

Neither of you noticed when your meetings became more frequent. When you started to spend your meals together. You would eat in silence. But it was quality time together.

Soon you were cracking jokes and exchanging stories.

It was a progression that no one would have seen coming. The stand offish sniper making friends with a shy medic. 

Who would've guessed. 

You started to feel overly giddy when you saw him. Your chest would flutter when he looked at you, and you felt hot when he would give you one of his smirky smiles. You had feelings for him.

Crosshair started to have feelings for you too. He smiled when you laughed. He got embarrassed when you caught him staring. He got more grumpy when his brother teased him about it, but all was better when he saw you across the dining hall. 

“I brought you something…”

“Really?” You looked up at him shocked. 

Crosshair nodded. You noticed his hands were hidden behind his back. Then he revealed what it was.

A small wood carving. It was cut in the shape of his sniper rifle.

You gasped at the gift. You took it into your hand, holding it as if it was a precious jem. It was so kind of him to make you something.

“To remember me.” He said. You smiled at him.

No one would have expected Crosshair to be so sweet to you either. Holding you like you were the most precious thing. He kissed you so gently. It was just perfect, in its own way.

But, all good things must come to an end.

When the war ended, Crosshair came back to Kamino… different. Not a good difference. 

You were hurt when he acted as if you didn't exist. It was like he wasn't himself. 

It hurt you. For him to cast you aside. It felt like you meant nothing to him. 

“What is wrong?” You asked. “Why are you saying this?”

“You are a distraction. You are hindering my ability to do my duty.” Crosshair firmly replied.

“So was all that nothing to you. Do I mean nothing to you now?”

“Nothing is more important than my duty to the Empire.”

You turned away from him, tears in your eyes and hurt in your heart. It was a harsh way to end things. Fitting for someone heartless, not fitting for your sniper, On the outside he was harsh, isolated from others caused him to lack social graces, but he wasn’t a bad person. He wasn’t the type of person to end things like this.

Shortly after you left Kamino. Heartbroken from Crosshair's words.

It still hurts years later. 

But no matter how bad it hurt, you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of the carving you gave him. It was too hard. It reminded you of all the good times you had. And it was a reminder of the Crosshair that you loved.

It would be years later when you saw him again.

Crosshair was brought to you by his squad, injured and fading. In his barely conscious state, he saw you and smiled. The same smile you fell in love with years ago.

It was a stressful few days as you fought to keep him stable.

After three stressful days, he was finally getting better. When he awoke, his squad was relieved. Hunter particularly was so happy that his brother’s health was improving. Wrecker almost crushed him in a hug, tears streaming down his face in relief. Tech and Echo showed their love in their own way. And Omega, the news edition to the squad, was overjoyed and hugged her brother. Crosshair tenderly hugged her back.

It was after his siblings left for the night that he finally spoke to you.

“I’m sorry…” He said, voice horse. “I’m sorry for how things ended.”

You looked over at him. He was staring directly at you, guilt overcoming his features. He had hated himself for so long. Once he started to change, he started to regret the words he had said to you. If he could go back, he would’ve said anything else.

“I’m sorry for everything…”

You gave a small sigh. It was nice to hear the apology, even years later. But it could not mend the past. It wouldn’t fix everything. But it gave you hope.

Hope that you could build something new.

You silently moved to stand next to him, taking his hand in yours. You gave a tiny smile. He gave a sad smile back, it wasn’t like the way he used to smile. You gently pressed the wood carving into his hand. He took it then brought it to his other hand, thumb rubbing it carefully.

“I accept your apology.” You replied. “I hope we can start over.”

“I’d like that…”

[linkysmommy]

Well here it is. My Bloodbound review/reactions/essay/idk what.

For some reason, now that it's done most of what I have are critiques 😂 I guess because there were so many amazing things about this book, such great characters and themes, that certain things ended up leaving me... disappointed. But before I get into all that, let me start with what I really, really liked. (adding a cut because I feel like this is going to end up really long lol. also, spoilers ahead. obviously)

THE POSITIVES:

Overall, the vibes, the characters, the themes, and the lore were immaculate. The writers put a lot of thought into the world that they created and the themes they wanted to explore through that world, and I really respect that.

I thought that the vampire council and the clans in NYC was a really cool concept and was a little bummed that we didn't get to do more with vampire politics. Despite hating most everyone on the council, I also loved them. I found them all interesting and unique, and loved seeing the backstories that involved them, such as the scene at the fair or the scene when they all teamed up to take down Gaius. I was actually sad when the Baron and Lester died lol, while it did make for a cool scene, I felt that their deaths left a hole in the story. (oops sorry I did not mean to turn this positives into a half-negatives thing lol)

I swear that the toxic, messed up relationship between Gaius, Kamilah, and Adrian has me by the throat. The concept of a cruel, thousands year old vampire gaining the love and devotion of these two people not through the use of mind control *cough Rheya cough* but through sheer charisma, magnetism, and leadership skills... and then shaping them into tools to be used in his hands. Making them into his queen and his soldier and then forcing them into a cycle of violence while still inspiring them to follow, using them while still loving them... it's one of the greatest pleasures of having read this series to have gotten a taste for this relationship. And now that I've gotten a taste I'm just hungry for more, so this will be rotating in my head for a while yet.

Adrian Raines. My darling. My BABY. There is just something so fascinating, so alluring, about a creature born and shaped for violence, whose heart manages to remain pure. I especially loved how this was explored in Bloodbound 2. You see the heartless, emotionless cruelty that Adrian was capable of at the end of book 1, and then throughout book 2 he struggles with these two sides of himself: the heartless soldier, the angel of death, versus the kind, idealistic, sweet man who's fascinated by the simple things the world has to offer like open fields and sunlight, and the incredible ingenuity and good that the human race is capable of creating. Throughout book 2, this dance of Adrian being the foil to Gaius is clear as day and oh so powerful. Gaius was Rheya's soldier, who was shaped into a killing machine at her side, who was driven to extremes by seeing the way his own people were hunted and killed. Adrian was Gaius's soldier, who was shaped into a killing machine at his side, who had to fight the anger and hatred that tried to pull him to cruelty and snuff out his goodness. Like I said in a previous post, the juxtaposition of this inner warmth and kindness against the person Gaius tried to make him will never not be fascinating.

Kamilah and Adrian siblings bond!! PLEASE they're so cute! I adored how over and over again, we saw them exchange looks and have full on worldless conversations by just their facial expressions. The way they know each other so well, inside and out, and have complete respect for one another, and the way they would die for one another, it just warms my heart and I adore them.

Also, just Kamilah. She's a badass ancient warrior queen, and I really loved seeing how no-nonsense and serious she was. Like she's been doing this for thousands of years, she's seen so much, she's killed so much, I feel that she doesn't think she truly deserves redemption or is as pure as Adrian, but she fights to protect the people under her care. Those who cannot fight for themselves the way she can fight for them.

Gaius Augustine, what a villain you were. I loved how the game never shied away from the nuances in his character. They never painted him in cartoonishly villainous colors with no remorse for his actions. You can see why he became the way he was, and while you can understand that doesn't mean you have to excuse it; it does, however, make him more of an interesting villain. The fact that love and a desire to protect his people is what drove him to extremes makes him a fascinating villain, because his actions, while inarguably evil, are rooted in something that most everyone can understand: love. Although Gaius never knew how to truly love, it doesn't mean that he didn't. He hurt Kamilah and Adrian over centuries, but he never truly wanted to kill them. I appreciated that the various times where Gaius killed someone or almost killed someone with whom he had history (such as Takeshi or when he almost killed Kamilah), he expressed remorse. It wasn't enough to make him stop, because he is a bad man, but the fact that there was remorse in the first place adds more depth and emotion to both his character and the event itself.

I enjoyed the way that MC defeated Rheya. I thought that the twist that Rheya had murdered her own daughter after having given into her anger about the fact that she thought her daughter was murdered was really great. I enjoyed that MC didn't have to physically overpower Rheya; she just had to go back to where the cycles of violence began and show to Rheya herself that was the monster in her own story. I loved that.

It would be remiss of me to not mention Lily Spencer. From start to finish, she was a delight, and I loved how MC was honestly just as geeky as Lily sometimes, she just reigned it in a little bit more. Lily's enthusiasm for life was refreshing for a vampire story, where usually becoming a vampire is compared with death, and yet Lily's take on it was that she had a whole new life to live, new experiences to try out. I really enjoyed her humor, and thought her friendship with MC was both touching and relatable. So have some Lily moments that made me laugh out loud:

Also, the scene where MC died, and then she was Turned, and you woke up in a coffin, and you almost killed that girl in the park... peak cinema. Absolutely delicious, you'd better believe I ate that shit up. I also loved seeing the flashback where you saw how the other vampires reacted to your death. Yes, I enjoyed seeing Adrian in pain, yes, I am an angst fiend and sadist ig.

Sorry I feel like there's more to say but I've been working on this forever so I'm gonna leave the positives at that 😭

THE CRITIQUES:

Let me first preface this by saying that I truly enjoyed Bloodbound. It latched onto my brain, and I enjoyed the journey, and it managed to make me more invested in a Choices book than I have been since I read It Lives. That being said, after finishing it, I couldn't help but feel that many things could have been done better, and a little bit let-down that many of the things that I connected to were not fully explored or expanded upon like I felt like they could have been. So this massive critique going forward is done with love. That's all. ❤️

This one isn't a huge deal, but I was disappointed by the lack of variation that your choices had in the final battle. You had the choice to kill Rheya's vampire guards or leave them, then you had the choice to kill Dracula or leave him. The first time I played I was doing a supervillain route so I was intentionally trying to choose the darker choices and was delighted to see how people were reacting:

I thought that their dialogues were based on the fact I was going on a murderous, merciless rampage, but then when I came back and played and didn't kill everyone, their reactions were all the same. So that was disappointing.

The Jax/Lily death was,,, a choice. I get what they were trying to do. I do. Rheya lost her family, Gaius lost Rheya, Kamilah lost her brother, Adrian lost his family. There were cycles of loss that bred extreme behavior among our cast, and they wanted MC to experience that, too. They wanted to make her a reflection of Rheya, for the moment of losing Jax/Lily to be the trigger that makes her able to lose her humanity and become the very thing she swore to destroy. However, there were a few problems with how it played out! First of all, it's obviously suspect that the two sidelined Black or Asian LIs are the only ones who can die, while Adrian and Kamilah's plot armor protects them. Second of all, they wanted to make this big sacrifice to make MC snap but then they didn't even commit to it. If anything it would've made more sense for the LI to be the one who dies, seeing the impact that it had on MC. Because while my MC cares about Jax, he's probably the person in the crew that she's the least connected to so it felt a little odd for her in particular to lose it while the others were okay. I think that honestly, she would've reacted more like them. Sad, and angry, but without such an extreme reaction. But, the writers simultaneously tried to play it safe by ensuring that your LI doesn't die, while being "brave" and killing off part of the crew, so it just came across feeling odd to me and didn't quite hit the mark of what they were trying to do.

The romantic development was underwhelming. The romance quality skyrocketed in books 2 and 3, but unfortunately by then, the characters were already in relationships and while I enjoyed those scenes, I felt disappointed that we missed a quality relationship arc where we saw the characters fall for each other. I romanced Adrian, and I don't see what was so incredible about mc in the beginning to make him fall for her. She's just some human, and he's a powerful CEO, 300 year old clan leader and vampire council member. That's not say that I don't think he could've fallen for her - in fact, I think it's poetic and makes perfect sense that the man who's so embroiled in his vampire world and vampire politics yet adores humanity would fall for an average human - but the development simply wasn't there. The scene where you first let him drink your blood after breaking him out of jail was underwhelming and there was no emotional weight in the writing of that scene. In book one, it just really felt like the fact that something happened was supposed to be enough for us to believe that it was meaningful, instead of the writing and development showing us how it happened.

The actual plot events were in general... underwhelming. Both books 2 and 3 set up this fascinating potential for scenes and narrative arcs, with Gaius destroying NYC, and then Rheya taking over the city, and both times we just flew away to chase down artifacts and have diamond scenes in pretty places in various countries. I think it was an unfortunate choice to trade the potential of vampire politics for artifact-hunting.

The Order and Xenocrates in particular were woefully under-utilized. The tapestry paintings shed light on a fascinating dynamic between Gaius and Xenocrates, and we see that this anger and hatred has spanned millennia! Xenocrates is the reason that vampires are hated and hunted, he is the reason why Gaius is driven to extremes and decides that his plan to eradicate humans apart from keeping a blood supply for vampires is the only way to protect his people. And then... he just dies in a building collapse, and the Order is destroyed, and this thousands-year-old conflict is snuffed out pretty much immediately. It was disappointing, because there was so much potential in the lore that was created here, it just wasn't taken advantage of in the present storyline.

This one is small, but. Where the heck did MC's mom go 😭 we see one memory of her and then never hear about her again. Did she die? If she's not dead, why is MC not concerned about her while Gaius and Rheya are trying to destroy/take over the world.

This one is also small but worth mentioning - I was so annoyed that MC was forced to speak up and voice her opinion all the time in situations that really didn't involve her. It was just odd to me that Adrian's assistant thought it would be a good idea to speak up in a vampire council meeting after only having known about vampires for like. A few days lol. There were many times where I cringed at having to choose something to say because I, frankly, would have just remained silent because it wasn't my place to speak.

Maybe this is just me but... I definitely felt like Jax was done dirty by the writers. Not just in that he was sidelined and had fewer scenes and plot relevance apart from "being part of the crew", but I think his development as a character was weaker than the others. By book 3, I do feel like he came more into himself, and it was nice to see him have a character arc regarding his relationship with Takeshi, but for books 1 and 2, I personally felt like the writers didn't really know him. He was sort of just... bland, left vaguely blank aside from the "rebel vampire leader" for a while. The writers themselves said that he was the hardest character to write, which makes sense because I could tell that it took them a while to figure out who he really was.

Now for my biggest critiques, mostly centering around the handling of Gaius's character and missed potential.

First, Gaius's character development and thing with Rheya. I... was not a fan at all of the brainwashing plot point. I found that it made Gaius's character far less interesting and seemed to be almost incompatible with previous portrayals of his character and who they had been creating. For example, Rheya supposedly severed his compassion for humans, yet we see a direct contradiction of that when he had empathy for Kano, a dying child who'd lost his parents, and decided to Turn him in order to save his life and give him a chance to avenge his family. What made him so fascinating to me originally was the fact that DEVOTION was what ultimately turned him into a monster: first, devotion to Rheya, and second, devotion to his own people. By book 3, he was reduced from a terrifying vampire leader who would put his life on the line to protect his own people (as seen in crypt scene where he risks his life to save other vampires instead of running to safety) to a mindless zealot of Rheya whose only purpose seemed to be "Obey the goddess!" While the devotion to her is fine, it saddened me that his role as a leader who let fanaticism guide him as he sought to protect vampires was overshadowed by this interpersonal conflict between two individuals. I think there was a hugely missed opportunity to pit his two devotions against each other when he learns that Rheya doesn't actually care about him OR the vampires as a whole, and would happily take their lives if it meant gaining more power for herself. To watch him wrestle between his devotion to Rheya, his beloved goddess, and his devotion to his vampire progeny... now that is a character arc I'd love to dive into. Imagine if, in addition to being angry that Rheya used him like a tool, he was also angry that she wanted to hurt vampires. Just imagine something like this: "While you were asleep I was building a kingdom for our people, while you were gone I was the one who stepped up to protect them! And now you think you can come back, and use them, and kill them, and that I'll support you?" The vibes... immaculate.

Going along with the topic of Gaius being responsible for his own actions vs the concept of brainwashing, if Gaius hadn't been brainwashed and simply turned against Rheya because he realized she didn't care about the well-being of vampires and saw them as tools in her quest for power, I feel as though it would've made the alliance between Gaius and MC's crew all that much more interesting. A fragile alliance between people with a common enemy, but Gaius is still not an ally because he still disdains humanity, and once Gaius helps you get Rheya out of the way, you know that you'll have to deal with him next... mmm delicious.

As an add on, learning that it was all the result of brainwashing opens up a whole can of worms of "okay this man still committed war crimes but how much is he actually responsible for?" that I frankly don't feel was necessary, because Gaius was fully fascinating all on his own without needing to add the element of brainwashing to it. I just felt like it had the result of turning a fascinating, layered, nuanced character into "black-and-white" to make his redemption easier for lay readers to stomach.

Even after having bought every single tapestry diamond scene and plenty of diamond scenes with various characters, I was still left with lingering confusion about what happened in the past, namely: what did Gaius's empire look like and how did it work, what exactly were Kamilah and Adrian doing to spread his empire and enforce his rule, and what about him made them choose to swear fealty in the first place? They talk so much about all the people they killed and yet we really only saw them kill people who weren't exactly innocent? Iirc we only saw Adrian kill confederate soldiers, a British soldier who tried to kill him first, and a rogue vampire that had just drained a man of blood. And yeah, there was some sketchiness about it because the confederate soldiers weren't attacking him, and there was a young kid with them, but at the end of the day they were enemy soldiers fighting to maintain slavery and this is war - hardly the same thing as ruthlessly murdering strangers. Anyway the point is that I would've liked a clearer picture of what they did, to truly see them at their lowest points. And then, to see what was the catalyst that started pushing them back up again. I would've liked to know who they were sent to kill, and why, instead of vaguely "I've killed so many people." Give me the details!!

Like Part 1, I am Tired now and I feel like I've said most of what I want to say. So I am finished with my critiques section.

If you made it this far, you are the best and I appreciate you being interested enough in my thoughts to read this long, rambling review ❤️

[starlightiing]

Hi again! Thank you for your in depth answer about Esteban yesterday, I appreciate it! I've fallen down a rabbit hole of watching videos and interviews, thank you for also linking a few! It has definitely been an interesting ride so far!

What I've seen and comes shining through from your answer as well, in regards of his relationship with his parents, is a very determined but also humble appearing man as a character. From the public point of view that we have, it's very fascinating to see how Esteban seems to genuinely care about fans, workers and those that even dislike him. I have seen that clip you talk about with the person meeting him, telling him they didn't like him before and him going to question it in this "but why??" way of rooting us back in reality of some sort, like he's aware of how he's perceived, accepted it (or not necessarily accepted it - I have read his instagram statement about the recent hate, which is also led me to questioning stuff again) and just tries to make the best of his shot at the game that is f1.

I've never did as much of a deep dive on him, just always accepting he's kind of there ... you know.

I guess it's also an indication his character as a whole that he continued being friends with Stroll after being replaced by him, I had never really thought about that but it does make me think Esteban is holding people dear to his heart in a somewhat unconditional way. I think (atp I've seen a whole lot, my word) I've seen him say something along the lines of "there is the racing and there is our friendship" which is interesting because he is often portrayed, imo, as someone that just stubbornly and uncaringly pushes ahead, fuelled by his background that surprisingly often gets told in a negative tone. But this is another example of him actually being able to emotionally separate his career low from his friendship.

Oh god I feel like I'm writing a whole essay in your inbox, I better wrap this up...

Thank you again, you really started a deep dive evening for me yesterday! There's much to consider still but he's made himself more likeable to me with the gentle help of your words too.

Oh, anon, this message really warms my heart! I am so happy to hear that you've been able to find some positives about him and some reasons to potentially like him in the future. Again, if you don't end up liking him, that's okay. At least you gave him a chance instead of just following the pack. Huge kudos to you for that!

Yes, his friendship with Lance is a huge deal considering he lost his seat to him simply because of money and Lance's dad buying the team, therefore the spot. He's made his comments about it but he never held it against Lance which is pretty incredible. I think he's a big boy who realizes what the world of F1 really is: cold, heartless, strictly business. And he's always respected that even though he has worked through so much to get here and stay here.

There was a quote from him I saw recently where he talked about crying when he lost that seat and it being the lowest point in his career, but now that he's been back in F1 he is "always happy" because he is just grateful to be here. That's why he is always smiling, so he says 😊

He also very frequently talks about all drivers deserving respect because of what they go through to be doing this. The training, the pleasures they give up, the privacy they give up, the pressure, everything they deal with in the car, ect. Regardless of how he feels about any of them personally, he begs everyone to respect them all at the very least for what they do.

People do see his style of racing and label him as aggressive, stubborn, an asshole, ect. Some people even take it as far as ripping apart his personal character and then even getting quite racist which is just disgusting. It's not surprising, but it's very disappointing. The sort of attacks he gets are incredibly unwarranted and disgusting and not a single person in this world ever stands up for him. He hardly ever stands up for himself. Like, almost never. The statement post Monaco was more than I thought we would get from him to defend himself which means he got worse shit than even I saw. He usually just let's people think what they think and keep on going, but it was bad enough that it struck his heart and he couldn't, and it really broke my heart and made me so sick for him.

Esteban is very lovely to his fans. One of the best on the whole grid imo. He's also a fucking nerd. He has yapping disease, he bounces on his feet when he's excited or in anticipation. He loves Spiderman and Marvel (and killed it on a grill the grid sort of challenge recently that asked him all Marvel questions). Hes very different in the car vs out of the car. But in so many ways he is also the same. I think his heart is very prominent in everything he does.

Again, he is definitely not perfect, but nobody is. I'm glad you've been enjoying your deep dive and I would love to hear from you again in the future as you continue down! It's lovely to hear your insight and always feel free to share videos and such with me as well. I personally love the video of him and Pierre eating the British snacks, I think it puts both of them in a really silly, sweet light and it makes my heart happy. I would highly recommend that one as well.

Actually, here you go! I hope you enjoy and hope to hear from you soon. Thank you so much for following up!!! 🩷 🩷

https://youtu.be/MraYxamdByM?si=Io9UScgBeWeiNEw1

[amazingmsme]

Living Up to the Name

AN: This really got away from me, but it’s nandermo, can you blame me? We have a serious drought of wwdits tickle fics & like, what fucking gives they made it canon that the vamps tickle each other (or at least Nandor & Lazlo) & no I will not find a gif I am useless like that This one dips a pinky toe into the spicy pool, so be warned. Literally nothing happens, but bondage is involved & that’s about it. But day 20: relentless just SCREAMED nandermo & I just had to do it justice.

Guillermo was used to the odd requests the vampires would ask of him, some a little too odd, so it was no surprise that he'd become desensitized to it. Strangely enough, it was their more mundane and tame requests that threw him for a loop.

He'd just finished vacuuming the drapes (yes they needed to be vacuumed) when Nandor walked in. "Guillermo," he said, announcing his presence and grabbing his attention.

"Hello master," he greeted with a smile, one Nandor shyly returned before growing serious once more. He was doing that thing where he wanted to say something, but wanted you to be the one to prompt the conversation, so he just lingered in the room until you cracked.

"Did you need something?" he asked when Nandor didn't continue on his own.

"I've just been thinking a lot."

"Oh? What about?"

"Me, obviously." Guillermo couldn't help the amused scoff that slipped out, nor the fondly annoyed look he gave the cameras. Nandor either didn't notice, or didn't care. "Mostly about who I used to be. How I used to be able to make entire countries bend to my will. My reputation as a heartless conqueror," despite the awful words, his voice grew soft with nostalgia. "People used to fear me Guillermo. Some loved me, most hated me. But they all feared me."

Guillermo set down the vacuum attachment and turned to face him. "And do you... miss?... that?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course I do. What kind of a question is that?" Nandor shot a look of his own towards the camera, as if to say "is this guy for real?" He even went as far as to subtly point at his familiar. Well, as subtle as Nandor was capable of. He let out a heavy sigh. "My name used to mean something. Nandor the Relentless. Now I'm just... Nandor."

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Guillermo asked, brows furrowed. Nandor rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"I guess not," he grumbled, lower lib jutting out in a pout and he kicked the leg of a nearby table. "But I've gone soft," he said dejectedly.

"No, no you're not soft. You're still just as ruthless as ever," Guillermo tried to comfort him, feeling incredibly awkward as he did so. But it seemed to work at least.

"You really think so?" he asked. Guillermo nodded. Nandor broke out into a wide grin, fangs on full display. "Heh, thanks. These hands used to make people scream," he reminisced, flexing his fingers. Guillermo couldn't help but stare at the movement and swallowed.

"Still do," he added before he thought better of it, eyes going wide. Nandor straightened his posture, watching Guillermo carefully. "I mean- Lazlo and Nadja get pretty loud," he quickly added as an excuse. Nandor smirked and stood up, walking over to Guillermo.

He tried to busy himself so he wouldn't have to look in Nandor's eyes. It still didn't help the flutter in his heart when Nandor towered in front of him.

"Oh Guillermo..." the tone in his voice made him snap his head up to look at him. He didn't know if the hungry look in his eyes frightened or excited him. "Did we make you feel left out?"

Guillermo fumbled for the right words. "N-no, no, I-I'm good. More than good," he stuttered.

"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed here."

"I'm not-" but Guillermo cut himself off, knowing better than to try arguing with Nandor of all people.

"It's only natural to be curious. You could've just asked to join, we totally would've let you," he flirted, making Guillermo blush. "You know, I've wanted to make you scream for mercy for quite some time." The boldness of the statement threw him off guard.

"Have you now?" he asked, voice higher pitched. Nandor must've thought it was out of fear, because he clarified.

"Oh I wouldn't be hurting you. I'd just tickle you until you begged me to stop. But I won't." Guillermo felt his cheeks heat up, his throat going dry. "It's not so bad. Just ask Lazlo.

Guillermo shook his head. "I don't- I don't need his input."

"Very well. Follow me." he gestured with a single finger for him to come along. Obediently, he followed.

He'd only ever been in their... playroom to clean it, and he certainly never thought he'd be brought back here. Never thought he'd be so willing to go either, but life is full of surprises. There were various tools and toys lining the walls and spread out on tables for display, and there were various bondage set ups to choose from.

"Go ahead, make yourself comfortable," Nandor insisted. It was a little hard when Guillermo could hear his pulse racing in his ears. He decided to play it safe, laying on the king sized bed against the wall. Nandor sat next to him, looking him up and down with a kind of excitement Guillermo didn't often see. The fact it was directed at him made butterflies flit about in his stomach.

"Good, now take off your shirt." When Guillermo only stared at him in shock, he clarified, "Trust me, it feels much better without clothes." Guillermo ducked his head and blushed.

"Okay yeah I got it," he rushed out. He took a deep breath and pulled the shirt over his head. "So I-I'm guessing you're gonna just- tie me up?" Nandor chuckled at that.

"No silly, I'm horrible at knots! We have cuffs for that!"

"Of course you do," he mumbled under his breath as Nandor retrieved them. When he came back, standing over the bed, he must've sensed the nervous energy coming off of him in waves.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, surprisingly gentle as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Guillermo furrowed his brows.

"What? No, you wanted this. And I mean, come on," he said, his own voice casual and almost teasing. Nandor cocked his head like a curious puppy. "It's just tickling. How bad can it actually be?" he asked skeptically and almost immediately regretted it.

"Oh you'd be surprised, my dear Guillermo," he all but purred. His heart all but skipped a beat as he laid down on the bed, raising his arms for Nandor to cuff. He did the same his his ankles, testing them to make sure they're secure but not too tight.

His hands hovered over his bare torso for only a moment before diving for the hips. Guillermo shrieked and instantly started bucking. "I thought about starting off slow, but I think we're both too eager for that," he teased, drilling his thumbs over his hip dips.

"Ihihi'm nohohot! S-slow ihihis good!" he cried through his laughter. Nandor hummed, thinking it over before agreeing.

"You're right, we have all night. Why rush things?" he asked, feral grin overtaking his features. Guillermo giggled nervously, the sound growing stronger when Nandor's hands touched down on the tender underside of his arms. Fingertips dragged ever so lightly from his wrists to his armpits, and Guillermo never knew something he could just barely feel could be so torturous. His laugh was short and breath and he was already desperately tugging on his arms. Nandor looked down at him with such adoration, hands never faltering in their movements. Up and down, up and down his arms he went, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When he finally decided to quit playing with his food, he let his hands reach his underarms, drawing lazy circles and playing with the hair.

Guillermo snorted, nose scrunched adorably as his arms flexed and strained to come down. He was barely even touching him, and Guillermo was giggling like a little school girl.

"Wow Guillermo, have you been working out?" Nandor asked when he noticed the bulging biceps  on display. "You've been hiding all of this under shapeless sweaters," he lamented, reaching up to feel the muscle. Funny, he'd never known his fucking biceps were ticklish, until now that is. Nandor was just squeezing them, admiring the muscle and he was practically in stitches.

"I just lihihike sweheaters!" he yelped, arching his back. Nandor acted on impulse, having done this many times with both Nadja and Lazlo and was used to adapting to their bodily reactions. Which was why he shoved his face down onto his belly, growling and nibbling against soft skin as he shook his head, adding even more tickly vibrations to the cocktail of neurons firing in his brain.

Guillermo positively screamed with laughter, light and airy snickers turning to full on cackles in an instant. The combination of soft lips, sharp fangs, and that stupid motherfucking beard had him in an incomprehensible state. And honestly? He couldn't complain. Oh it was horrible, yes, but it was Nandor.

Speaking of, he was feeling rather proud right about now. He was unraveling Guillermo's sanity with each passing second, not only that, but he had agreed to this. The big, strong, vampire killing machine was nothing but a hysterical mess under his fingers, and it was perhaps the greatest power trip he'd felt in ages.

"Ohoho fuck oho shihihit thahahat's ahahawful!" he screeched, thrashing as much as his bonds would allow. Nandor didn't bother to raise his head up when answering, instead speaking directly into the skin and sending him into another round of quiet snickers and chuckles.

"Good, I'm not trying to be nice," he deadpanned, causing a shiver to crawl up Guillermo's spine. Nandor smirked against his stomach before grazing ever so slowly with his teeth. Guillermo swore and bucked violently, deep boisterous laughter bouncing off the walls. It tickled so much that he didn't even notice when Nandor's fangs accidentally pierced through the skin from all his squirming. He sure as hell noticed the tongue that started lapping at the puncture though.

"NAHAHANDOHOHOR NOHOHO! NOHOHO TONGUE OHOHO FUCK PLEHEHEASE!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. Every part of him was screaming to get away, but those damn fuzzy cuffs prove effective.

To Nandor, the helpless plea might as well have been singing praise. He glanced up and managed to catch Guillermo's eye while he caught his breath, shooting him a devious wink. He shook his head, tugging on his arms.

"Nonono Nandor, whatever it is, don't-"

Nandor, of course, didn't listen, and instead, maintained eye contact as he drug his tongue across his tummy to wiggle straight into his bellybutton.

It's a good think Guillermo was laying down because he felt his legs give out, slowly losing their fight. He was full on cackling now, writhing from side to side and thrashing endlessly. Nandor flicked and swirled his tongue inside his naval, sending him spiraling closer to madness. Each thrust of his hips in an attempt to alleviate the sensation only made it grow worse as Guillermo snorted once more.

"I think you're even worse than Lazlo," Nandor mused aloud, making him blush even more.

"Shuhuhut thehe hehehell up!" he snapped, mirth masking any malice that might've been hidden in his words. Nandor gasped, forming his hands into claws and vibrating them on his exposed tummy.

"Guillermo, I am shocked! You ought to know better than to talk to your master that way," he threatened, a playfully dangerous edge to his voice. Guillermo's eyes widened.

"Ihihi'm sorry! Ihihi'm sohohorry!" he squealed when fingers began working themselves between each rib bone, bubbly snickers and snorts spilling from his mouth.

"I'm afraid sorry isn't good enough," Nandor said without an ounce of sympathy in his voice. He straddled his waist and loomed over him, anxious excitement filling him to the brim. He really hoped that Nandor didn't notice how much he was enjoying this. Which seemed unlikely, seeing as he was practically sitting in his lap.

The sound of buzzing snapped him from his thoughts as he looked at Nandor, who now held an electric toothbrush in each hand. Guillermo felt his heart sink and jump in his throat simultaneously.

They started out in his armpits, making him jolt with a loud peal of laughter. When they didn't move away, his laugh got faster and more shrill the longer the torment continued. Nandor drug the spinning brushes down his sides, relishing in every twitch, gasp and giggle. The toothbrushes made their journey back up, this time taking a detour across the expansive chest.

Guillermo's laugh got more frantic and hysterical as Nandor circled his nipples. He snorted, shaking his head and biting his lip to keep the laughter at bay. It was no use once he touched the brushes down on those sensitive buds. If Nandor thought he was thrashing before, it was nothing compared to this.

"Nahahandohohor plehehease! I ca- I cahahan't!" Guillermo begged through helpless laughter. Nandor cocked his head and hummed.

"Can't what?"

"Ihihi cahahan't tahake ihihihit," he whined, twisting side to side to try and dislodge those downright torturous spinning bristles.

"Aaawww, you poor thing," Nandor mock cooed, leaning down to whisper, "I don't care."

Nandor wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. After all, he had a relentless reputation to uphold.

[kairithemang0]

Here's the really long post no one asked for.

So, I know like 3 of you are also Kingdom Hearts fans, this is for you guys.

A few weeks ago, I made a joke post with the caption of "no, Owen! Who else will I be gay spies with?" and someone replied to that with wondering how many people actually get the joke and we went on a whole thing about KH and SAF and it was a great time.

I've thought about that post a decent amount since then, and with my Treasured Memories edit from yesterday, it's got me thinking about the parallels between Rokushi (the ship between Roxas and Xion) and Curtwen.

Roxas and Xion are in a cult

Like that's just what organization 13 is. They take in stray Nobody's (which is what happens to the body of someone when they become a heartless) and tell them they if they work for them, they'll be helping create something what will get their hearts back.

So, how does this relate to SAF? While I wouldn't call their governments a cult, I would say they're trapped there after they join. You can't just retire from being a spy, even if you're not going on missions, you still have all those secrets.

The Organization won't just let Roxas and Xion go, especially since we know what they're using them for. Like how Curt and Owen are some of the greatest spies and are essential to their respective agencies, Roxas and Xion are the most important members of org. They're the only ones who can really help with the organizations goal because they can free hearts. Both of these duos are incredibly important, they're the ones doing all the heavy lifting. People like Barb and the Informant in SAF are important, of course, but they're not the ones out on the field.

Shifting focus, Curt and Owen's nights together are literally just the clocktower trips in Days. It's where Roxas and Xion's friendships really grow, even though they do go on missions together. They talk about their days, catch up, or just sit and eat ice cream together because that's literally what friendship is to them. Of course, Curt and Owen are doing a lot more than just sitting and talking, but it's still where they probably bond the most. They work together, yes, but this is their time off, when they get to let down their guard and be with someone they trust, which I doubt happens too much to spies who are also hiding their homosexuality.

As the game goes on, Roxas and Xion's time together eating ice cream gets less and less frequent, as their friendship becomes rockier and cracks in their trio start to form. I don't know whose Axel in this SAF au, which I guess is a problem with the au as a whole, but I think not having an Axel there is fine. The long and short of Axel's part in KH is that he knows the truth but can't tell Roxas and Xion because then he's at risk of danger and so are they.

So, things get worse and worse with Roxas and Xion over time, Roxas falls into a coma, and Xion begins to find out she's a replica (which is basically a vessel that memories were put into to give it life). This part will be important later. For Curtwen, this is their time together starting to show the cracks in their relationship, Curt will screw something up or he'll do something stupid, and they'll get into trouble and Owen will brush it off. Curt is an amazing spy, but sometimes he's in over his own head. They're also worried about getting caught.

I'd like to talk more about them getting caught, because I do think it relates to something in KH fairly well.

So, Roxas is something called a Nobody, and Xion is led to believe she is one as well. They're led to believe by the organization that nobody's do not have hearts, that they aren't meant to feel anything. In SAF, this relates to the way Curt and Owen's relationship is seen. It's a relationship that shouldn't happen, that'll get them kicked out of the agency and outcasted from society if anyone were to know. Hearts to Nobody's aren't supposed to happen, and yet Roxas and Xion still feel. This relationship isn't meant to happen between Curt and Owen, and yet they're still having it.

358/2 Days, the game Roxas and Xion star in, has been called a "playable tragedy". You watch these friends form these tight bonds, you watch Roxas and Xion grow heart and memories and become one with each other, and then Xion learns the truth. She was never meant to exist. The nobody's have been told that a lot, but she's not even a nobody. She's a robot that went against her programming, so to speak. The long and short of it is that Xion is another characters memories of this girl named Kairi. Everyone sees Xion differently, Roxas sees her with black hair, Axel sees her as a girl named Namine, a guy named Xigbar sees her as a kid named Ventus who at this point in release order has never even been mentioned by name. At first Xion was this hooded figure with no face, but as she grew with the people around her, she gained a heart of her own. To me, Owen was never one to stray away from the point of the job until he met Curt. Curt made him reckless, gave the job more fun because they were getting into danger together. Before Curt, Owen thought his job was boring because he was so good at it. He wasn't meant to be able to break away from this job, but Curt gave him reason to. Curt was fun and reckless and got them into more trouble than was probably worth, but he made the job interesting. Roxas and Xion work together as a team because they were practically made for each other (and in canon are very closely tied together through heart shenanigans it's a whole thing).

Ok so back to the finale of Days. Basically, Xion gets reprogrammed and needs to kill Roxas. The reason being is that she doesn't want to do the bidding of the organization anymore and has been giving a chance to get out of it by, get this, literally offing herself. So the organization captures her and remakes her the way she was intended to be. When Roxas sees Xion's face, she doesn't look like Xion anymore. She looks like the person whose memories she's stole.

This is very DMA coded to me, not the whole offing herself to go back to her previous half, but the being remade to do the bidding of someone else. Xion still remembers that if she dies, she'll be dying for the sake of someone else, but her programming is telling her she needs to kill Roxas because that's what the organization needs from her.

I'm rewatching their fight scene and the line "this puppet will have to play her part" is veryyyyyy Owen got brainwashed by Chimera coded. I don't personally believe Owen got brainwashed, but OUGH ow.

This version of Xion, and Owen's mindset after seeing Curt again after four years, just wants to end the lives of the people they once cared so deeply for. To Curt and Roxas, the people that they love are just gone, the real Owen and Xion they can't get back. Xion appears as this armored thing of darkness to fight Roxas, and Owen is shown as someone who only sees Curt for all of the flaws he pushed away. This whole seen is very One Step Ahead to me. They're even swinging swords at each other and everything!

After their battle where Roxas wins, Xion and Roxas fall from the clocktower, the place they spent so much time together, and Roxas doesn't remember her. She begins to die in his arms, and for a moment all the memories rush back to him, he holds her in his arms before she dies. He gives the iconic line of "no, xion who else will I have ice cream with?" and then she disappears into darkness.

GUYS- THIS IS SO CURT AFTER HE KILLED OWEN I SWEAR-

Curt has tried this entire show to get Owen out of his mind so that he can go back to being a spy and doing his job. And he keeps failing. Now Owen shows up, and not only that but he wants him dead. They fight, and Curt wins. Now he's holding Owen after all of this pain, and Owen is gone again. And all of it is his fault. Owen's gone now, there's no getting him back. We don't know what Curt does to Owen after he dies, probably holds his dead body in pure devastation that he killed not only his best friend but the person he cared about so much. And Owen simply drifts away, with no way of getting him back.

Days ends with Roxas in a data version of the town he spent so much of the game in, new friends, new problems. He ends up dying as well. In SAF, this is probably whatever happened post canon to lead to Curt's death, whatever that may be.

So Xion in the real organization 13 is floppy disk Owen and when Roxas comes back it's actually a clone of Curt guys trust me on this-

Sorry, this is long and probably doesn't make much sense. I love 358/2 days, story wise it's one of my favorite KH games. And I obviously love Spies Are Forever, shocking absolutely no one. This was honestly just fun to write, I know this'll probably get at max like 3 notes but yknow what whatever.

Also I'd like to briefly talk about the name I'm going for for this ig au? This comparison let's call it.

358/2 days is a reference to the time roxas and xion were in the organzation together. the /2 (over 2) means it's over 2 people. So missions is the 358 missions Curt has gone on, some with Owen, and some not. We don't have an exact amount of missions, but for this I'm going with 358 because idk it just works in my head

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Whew! Voting done!

I ended up having breakfast (not just feeding the animals) I woke up early and realized if I was feeling that edgy being hungry wouldn't help. So I fixed myself an omelette*. I figured doing something “special” with several steps would help calm me down.

Why was I edgy? Because I’m me! LOL It wasn’t just worrying about results, it was worrying about the process of voting. I always worry about the rules, even things like where to park. But weirdly the big thing was where I had to vote. It was the auditorium of my old school, a place tangled up with a hell of a lot of anxiety.

As it turned out, it was the easiest voting ever. There wasn’t even a line, the only wait being for the workers to do their steps with the ID check and so forth.

Wanna know what was awkward? At the edge of the campaigning zone two candidates had set up shop, like they do. They were competing for school board***, and I had to walk right by the, with no one else coming along for a buffer.

This is of those local races where everyone knows everyone. With one they were like, “Oh, I remember your parents!”, the next was “Hello Stephanie!” (his relative helped care of my great grandma when I was little and he was a teen), and the candidate not there worked with Mom in the post office (as had his father) and is one of the about five Christmas cards I get. So while I had one I was voting for I absolutely didn’t want to snub any of them.

But I did fine. I’m good at being friendly with folks no matter no matter our differences, a skill perfected by a lifetime being a liberal in a rural, southern, microscopic town. I don’t think it is purely a pragmatic matter of survival, to keep hostility down. It’s also the recognition that people can be good and horrible at the same time, that they can be incredibly kind in the tiny scale of individual interactions yet utterly heartless when dealing on the grand scale of groups of people. I guess boils down to the fact people “see” those close to them but everyone else is just hypothetical.

Or maybe humanity is just a load of idiots deserving the benevolent pity and patience of a pet owner. “Aww, sweetie, the UPS driver isn’t gonna hurt you, but biting your own tail might.” The pooch isn’t gonna understand your words, but yelling will just make things worse. You have to accept changing them will take a lot of time, done with the combo of kindness and firmness.. Always be friendly and polite, but never, ever yield your own will. That’s my philosophy for human interactions! LOL

Sorry, sleep deprived. Makes me ramble incoherently!

Now to go off to the woods, as a treat to myself post voting. I am soooo going to try not to think about the election for a while. Fingers crossed I can avoid watching results roll in tonight. I don’t need more stress! LOL

**Two eggs, apple, mushroom, cheese, garam masala, turmeric, and salt on my homemade bread, whole wheat this time. I even used some butter, and I am having to ration it now.

[practically-an-x-man]

🌵?

Here's a piece from an upcoming Eris fic! It's a pre-relationship piece, set back during Rick's military days, when he and Eris had only known each other a few months.

“They’ll grow back.” Eris repeated, “It’s happened before. Look.” He held out his hands, showing off the uneven rows of pale scars that wrapped his wrists like bracelets. Rick took a few steps closer, and Eris fought the urge to tense as he took her wrists in his hands and turned them over.  “Quickest way to disarm someone, long as you’ve got a sharp enough weapon.” Eris pointed out, “Cut off their hands.” “Hm. Guessing you speak from experience?” “Sure.” “Alright then, Evil Dead, so you’ll stay here until they grow back. Either way.” Eris bristled, and swallowed a sudden bloom of pain as he did. “If I am so evil, why pull me from the battlefield? Why bring such a monster into your home? If you truly think so low of me, you should have left me in the dirt.” Rick tilted his head… and took a half-step back. Eris realized a moment too late that their words had come out sharp, nearly a growl. It took another moment before they realized something else: here Rick stood, taller and heavier and in his own familiar apartment, facing a metahuman who’d woken up to three-fourths of her limbs out of commission, and he’d still stepped back. That thought made something gnaw at Eris’ stomach. One part pride, one part… other. He wasn’t sure he enjoyed it. “It’s a movie.” Rick finally said, sounding more confused than frightened. Something about his voice whittled down those sharp teeth gnashing within Eris’ chest. “Evil Dead, that’s the name of the movie. Because your hands… look, nevermind, guess it didn’t really land. Maybe we’ll watch it one of these days. I'm not saying you're evil, it's just… what the movie’s called.” “Tsh. But it's been in your thoughts. It's what you think of me.” That was a challenge. He couldn't help himself. He wanted an argument, he wanted a fight, anything to make him feel a little stronger. The word had been thrown at her for centuries, alongside so many others. Monster. Beast. Fiend. Devil. Heartless. Evil. To her incredible surprise, Rick’s composure never wavered. Eris respected him immensely for it. “I'm not sure what I think of you. But I know I watched you pick up a live bomb with your bare hands for the sake of a couple dozen civilians. Civilians who didn’t do a damn thing for you in return, ‘cept maybe point me in the right direction when I went looking. That doesn’t seem real evil to me.”

[pastlivesandpurplepuppets]

Spoilers, I guess.

There's something about Roderick and Madeline, their dynamics, that I still don't quite get. Must re-watch again, I guess. I always, up until to the final episode, had an impression that Roderick was meek, following his sister and her lead all throughout their lives, type. And Madeline this proverbial devil on Roderick's shoulder, telling him how things will be and making all the decisions, the leader of the pack. Maybe (actually definitely), I was fooled by both Bruce Greenwood's and Zach Gilford's faces. Both have these open, vulnerable look, you want to trust them, you feel sympathy towards them. Plus, the little we saw of Roderick's relationship with his wife (up until the last ep), it looked like he really loved her and his family. Roderick seemed very impassive constantly, but not empty of feelings.

Whilst Madeline was portrayed (so superbly by Willa Fitzgerald and Mary McDonnell) most of the time as this cold emotionless strong woman, who had no emotional ties whatsoever with anyone except her brother. But she clearly had their wrongdoings on her mind, and not just because their time was running out. That final speech of her shows (to me at least) she had thought about all this a plenty in an effort to try and justify all their dark deeds to herself over the years. I loved that speech, btw. I thought she was right. (That doesn't mean that her and her brother's decisions and actions were right, of course.)

The last episode really made me look at them differently, especially that deal making. Even if Roderick thought it's not real or whatever, for him to make take that deal with no consideration for his children whatsoever, now that was cold. That was heartless. And Madeline was the one, who to my surprise, was hesitant at first.

It's actually terrific how Flanagan manages to write his characters always so incredibly well. No one is ever black or white. Everyone's different shades of gray. It's that realness he conveys so well, that to me makes his shows so utterly brilliant.

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT - Moths Fly In Packs Chapter Two

A/N: Hi lmao I’m back from the depths for my dumb little fanfic. And yes I know I self indulged a teensy bit and made it another Leo-centric chapter but shush next chapter I promise I have it planned to focus on a different duo. ANYWAY OFF WE GO I HOPE YALL ENJOY <3

Next Chapter

Previous chapter

Disclaimer: Chapter involves manipulation, light s*xual h*rassment, and curse words. If you’re sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe <3

SLAM!!

I jumped at the sound of Jaiden shutting our locker.

“Awake yet?”

“I am now. Jeez Jaiden, did you have to close it so loud?” I tried blinking my blurry vision away.

“You started snoring in the middle of the hallway. How long did you even stay up last night?”

I smiled “You don’t wanna know.”

I’ve been trying my hardest to stay awake at school today but my efforts remained unsuccessful, teachers kept having to wake me up in class. But, in moments like this, it helps having a goody-two-shoes reputation. They were more concerned than upset and some of them even let me nap if I finished my work early. I suppose the sleepiness is to be expected. The adrenaline from last night paired with my usual insomnia left me awake for at least an hour after I got home.

No regrets, though. I’ve felt happier than I have in a long time and despite my incredibly sleep deprived face, I feel like I’m glowing.

A blonde haired boy perked up as I passed him. “Salena, wait!”

For better or worse, that glow is definitely noticeable since Zane’s been losing his mind seeing me so visibly chipper after the one night I didn’t speak to him. I ignored him yet again and kept walking with Jaiden to class.

“Hey, don’t you think you’ve been mad at him long enough?” There it is, the conversation I was dreading all day.

“Nope.”

“You’ve nearly ignored him for the whole day. The silent treatment isn’t exactly a good look on you.”

“He broke someone’s nose, Jaiden. That guy didn’t even come to school today! And this is his sixth fight this year, how many more am I supposed to just excuse?”

“Maybe he had a good reason. You yourself say that Zane wouldn’t pick a fight with someone without needing to.”

I grumbled at their words. Zane was known to be a bit of a bully since highschool started. I used to be someone he targeted but I still treated him like a human and I guess that won him over or something. He had friends but apparently they were just for show, I was the only one who didn’t see him as a heartless monster so he treated me differently. Getting to know him better, he really was a fun guy to be around. I wish his anger wasn’t so easily set off, people would honestly like him more.

“I know and you’re right, he probably did have a reason. But I don’t know, I just don’t feel okay with this right now.”

“So you’re just taking your anger out on him then?”

“No, I’m not, I-I think. I’m just…Look I’ll forgive him when I’m ready, okay?”

“Since when were you so petty.”

It stung a bit. It’s not that I didn’t plan on forgiving him, or that I didn’t know I was putting Jaiden in an awkward spot with this whole situation. Or that I didn’t feel bad acting like this. I just can’t shake off the feeling that he did what he did for a bad reason. I know he’s a good person deep down and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but something’s stopping me. And honestly, the confusion from all that made me set it to the side altogether. I’m too tired to think and just wanted to reminisce about the feeling leftover from last night a little longer. Without having to deal with all of this.

But Jaiden is probably right. I guess I am just being petty. I tapped my desk in annoyance for a bit, then sighed. Defeated, I whipped out my phone to text Zane.

After finishing my last class, I waited outside the school building for him at our usual spot. It didn’t take long till I saw him running over. He yanked me into a hug immediately, way too fast for me to stop him.

“So you finally forgive me!”

“Yeah, I did.” I smiled, slowly trying to wiggle out of his grip to not hurt his feelings. “But I still need to know something.”

He blinked at me expectedly, not losing his grin from earlier. He can look quite endearing when he wants to, it boggles my mind why he chooses to be…well, him.

“Why did you punch Anand? I know you had your reasons so I want to know what they were.”

His smile faltered a bit. “That…I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t. I don’t want you stressing the whole week.”

I raised my brow “Why would it stress me out?”

He said nothing. I tried pushing him a bit more. I didn’t want to overstep boundaries but I’d lose my head if I just dropped it at that.

“Zane, I have to know. I want to believe you weren’t trying to hurt him for no reason but I can’t until you tell me why.”

He muttered something under his breath. “...To protect you.”

“What?”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From him, duh.”

I squinted my eyes unable to figure out what he meant. Was it me? Was my lack of sleep consuming my last remaining brain cells?

“Zane, he’s never even talked to me before then?”

Zane avoided my gaze.

After a while, he gave in. “Anand’s a creep, he’s been stalking you for days.”

“He what?”

“I caught him staring at you a lot and got a bad feeling. Everywhere you were, he was somewhere near by. So one day I kept an eye on him after school and saw him following you home. That’s why I punched him when he tried talking to you yesterday. I just got worried.”

“Wha…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to scare you.”

My eyes went wide. I felt a wave of guilt rushing over me. He was trying to protect me from a stalker. Ever since we became friends Zane’s done nothing but try to protect me. I’m just…an ungrateful brat. Maybe I started seeing him differently after his pushiness grew. But at the end of the day he’s still my best friend. He was trying to help.

“God, I am so so so sorry Zane. I should’ve heard you out. I never would’ve guessed…”

“It’s okay, I already let it go.” He hugged me tighter. I didn’t really like the way it felt but I wasn’t in any position to deny him. “You really need to be more careful, you know? The world is full of bad people and you’re so damn naive.”

My eye twitched. Ah yes, because I wouldn’t know a thing about bad people.

Shut up, Salena. You already let your tempter get the best of you once, just focus on making it up to him now.

“Well, do you wanna get some ice cream like we used to? My treat.”

He pulled away almost entirely, still keeping a hand on my back.

“Sounds great!”

***

“Bye Tina, bye Aaliyah!” I waved back at the tiny girl and her mom, leaving their building soon after.

It was pretty dark out now. The Johnsons don’t usually give me such awkward hours. Most of the time it’s for date nights where neither mother would be home till at least one am. They let me sleep over whenever that happens since they sometimes stay out late enough to put even my insomniac ass to shame. Today was different, though, they called me over last minute. April showers bring May flowers but also brought parental panic when both of them got stuck at work due to the unexpected weather. Did that mean I had to go out in the storm to get to Tina’s place? Yes, yes it did. Would I do it again in a heartbeat? Yes, yes I would. She’s only five after all, I’m way older and still scared of thunder.

Mother Nature finished her tantrum about an hour ago. It’s ten pm currently and Aaliyah just got home, granting me the pleasure of walking back to my place in the cold dark night of New York City hoping I don’t get mugged or worse. I’m not upset at them, though. It’s not their fault and I needed the extra cash anyway. Plus, they did offer to let me stay the night like always. I had to refuse this time as my aunt was already super pissed I had to be away for the day, and I like my head on my neck so I chose the lesser evil.

They lived in a quieter area, a part of New York that actually does sleep. A late night walk in this atmosphere meant being alone with my thoughts. And that meant not being able to push away what I’d been trying to for a literal month now.

Zane.

Things with Zane went back to normal at school. Or, normal-ish at least, he would still try to touch me every opportunity he got or bring up how good we look together whenever we’re out. But that’s besides the point, it’s not what’s been bugging me lately.

It’s his accusation. Of Anand being a stalker.

I guess I didn’t realize this in the heat of the moment but when I look back, one thing just doesn’t sit right with me: I have quite good intuition and know if I’m being watched or followed. My senses were always naturally heightened and on top of that I’ve traveled to school by myself since I was eight. Doing that in this city teaches you a thing or two about having eyes on the back of your head. If Anand had been following me to my house, I definitely would’ve noticed. But Zane wouldn’t lie to me, either, he’s promised that from the start. Could it be a misunderstanding maybe? What if Anand was innocent?

Speaking of heightened senses, my thoughts broke when I suddenly got the feeling I wasn’t alone. But scanning my environment, there wasn’t a single person around, and yet I could still feel a…presence.

I flinched. I saw something, I swear I saw something! Something pink and mushy, disappeared when I turned back to get a better look. But it could just be nothing probably, I read somewhere when your brain gets bored it causes you to see things out of random everyday shapes. Maybe that’s what it was?

Surely I’m just seeing things. Right?

Still, I quickened my pace and rushed out of that area as fast as I could. Better to not risk it. When I felt a bit safer, I took out my phone and opened Zane’s contact.

My mind went back to his confession. It was during Valentine’s day, when he insisted I go with him to a late night movie that ended around midnight. I didn’t normally stay out so late but since I was with a friend, I thought I’d be safe. And I did feel safe up until my back was figuratively and literally against a wall.

“What would you do if I kissed you?”

I felt my face contort at the memory. I hated thinking about that whole moment. I mean shoot your shot, sure, but did it have to be like that? It’s like he already expected one answer and didn’t prep for any other. I exit the chat reluctantly. Had this been any day in the past, I would’ve called him to see if he could stay on the line while I walked home just so I’d feel less creeped out. I never meant it as anything more but maybe I gave him the wrong idea? I did always struggle figuring out what things are supposed to be romantic vs platonic.

I scrolled to the next chat on my phone: the group chat Mikey added me in with the rest of his brothers. Even though I was more than ecstatic they accepted me so fast, my shyness did not magically disappear. I’m the person who pops in and cosplays the fly on the wall while everyone else is partaking in the chaos I’d secretly love to join in on. Regardless, even just being in the chat still makes me smile. Especially Raph’s daily “good morning!”s or Leo’s numerous mid-battle selfies.

I jumped to the sound of dogs barking at something in the distance. Remembering my situation, my shaky hands pressed the call button on the chat deciding I’d just ask whoever picked up if they could virtually keep me company at least until I’m in a busier area. The phone rang while my dread from earlier was slowly creeping back.

After a few rings, I got an answer “Chello~”

“Mikey! Hey! Hello! Awkward thing to ask but could you-“

“One sec Salena. Ahem, SHUT THE FUCK UP LOUDMOUTHS I’M ON THE PHONE!!” Oh my poor sweet eardrums.

“Uh, s-so anyway I-“

“MIKEY!…What did I say…about fucking CURSING!?” Raph was panting in the distance. Were they running?

There was some sort of mechanical whizzing in the background paired with the boys’ screams of terror and Donnie’s maniacal laughter. Gee, I wonder who could’ve caused the horrors going on there.

I don’t have time for this. Taking a deep breath, I attempted once more.

“Guys listen I-I’m kinda alone outside right now and it’s really late and also really really scary tonight. Can someone please just-”

“WALK YOU HOME SURE THING LEON’S GOT IT ‘K BYE!”

…They hung up. These fuckers and their habit of interrupting. I shrugged, sharing my location in the chat anyway. All I cared about right now was just not being alone.

And not five minutes later, relief washed over me as I heard the prideful voice of a certain blue idiot.

“Your favorite fearless hero has arrived!”

“Heya Leo!” He jumped down and landed next to me. “Ya know, I was just gonna ask if someone could stay on call with me. You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”

“Oh nah, I may be the hero but you saved me tonight. Don’s testing out the evil bed again.” He said with such ease as if I had any fucking idea what he was on about.

“The evil wha?..”

“Long story. And besides,”

He paused for a moment. His eyes looked…softer? I mean he kept his smirk but it was noticeably different somehow.

“your voice was shaking. Why not kill two birds with one stone and see what’s going on, catch my drift?”

“O-oh, that. Yeah, I got a little spooked I guess. I feel like I saw something but… Um, it’s good you’re here, though. You can just zip-zap me home with your mystic-magic-powers!”

“Well, about that…I forgot to bring my katanas and without them I’m kinda stuck mystic-magic-power-less.”

I cocked a brow at his shrug. “You forgot your katanas yet somehow you arrive at my location in, what, a minute? You guys live nearby or something?”

“Hey, they don’t call us ninjas for nothing! Now come on.” He guided me up to the rooftop of the building next to us. “If the streets feel unsafe we’ll take a different route.”

As tired as I was, I can’t pretend a walk with Leo didn’t sound nice. Besides, it was Friday anyway, I could just sleep in a bit and take my chances. I’m not down for dealing with an angry aunt tonight but no one said anything about tomorrow.

“Problemo, how are we supposed to travel via roof?”

“You ever tried parkour?”

“WHAT?!” Fuck the angry aunt, that’s not my main concern anymore.

“What? An adrenaline junkie like you, you’ll love this!”

“I failed gym Leon. I was the only one in my class to fail gym.”

“Relax, it’ll be fun. Just hold on to my hand and jump when I do.”

I looked down to what would soon be my death “And who’s paying for the hospital bills if I fall?”

“You won’t fall, trust me. You’ll like this.”

I’m scared out of my wits right now but Leo looked strangely sincere saying that. It was a little calming. And, as much as I hate to admit it, he had a point. Looking down at the ground I see nothing but a flat, lifeless, and dead me.

But when I look up ahead…the beautiful city lights painted an entirely different story.

I let him take my hand.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

We stepped back, ran forward, and took the leap of faith.

And there it was, that feeling again. The feeling from that night when I first properly met them. My favorite memory of this year. The wind blowing in my hair, my skin turning cold. I was breathless. It feels like I’m flying.

Surprisingly, my legs didn’t collapse under me when we landed. Leo glanced at me to check how I’m feeling and I’m guessing my beaming smile encouraged him so we kept going and made the next jump.

“THIS IS AMAZING!”

“See? Told you you’d love it!”

I can’t even explain the thrill I’m experiencing. My brain feels completely numb, my body’s moving on its own. Every fear, every worry, everything just disappears, passing by like the towers beside us. The day is gone. Nothing else matters right now. Nothing but us and the night.

I let out a cheer. I feel strong, I feel brave, I feel so many things I’d never imagine myself to be! I didn’t even notice when Leo had let go of my hand. Leaping from one canopy to another I almost completely immersed myself in the late night air.

Almost.

I saw it again, to my right this time. Pink, mushy. Box shaped. Fear overrode my systems and I forgot I was mid-air. I messed up my footing and slipped off the edge.

“Gotcha!” But as promised, I didn’t fall.

Leo pulled me up “You okay?”

I nodded, looking back at where I saw it. It was gone again.

“Hey what happened? You were doing so well back there.”

Would he think I’m crazy if I told him?

“Leo?” I gathered my thoughts “You know the whole alien invasion thing that happened a few months ago? Or, well, almost a year ago now.”

His breath hitched. “Yeah, the Krang. What about it?”

So that’s what they’re called.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you guys were the ones to stop them. What exactly happened to them? Like, where are they now?”

“…One got trapped in the prison dimension, one was in the ship and most likely died, and the government took the last one.” Leo’s eyes were drifting away in another world. He closed them and clenched his jaw. “They’re nothing to worry about anymore.”

I shifted around a little. “You ever think if given the chance they’d want a rematch?”

“Yeah probably.” He opened his eyes and returned to a playful tone. “Especially the main one. He’s a real sore loser, don’t even get me started on that guy.”

“How delightful. Say, think I could join in on the battle this time?”

“I dunno, can you fight Krang?”

“As a matter of fact.” That seemed to catch his attention.

“Shit, for real?”

I nodded proudly. “I was outside when the invasion happened so I had my encounters. And as far as I’m concerned, I’m still alive!”

He chuckled. “I’ll consider it then. But hey, you shouldn’t worry about things like that. You’re friends with us, the world's greatest ninjas. If it comes down to round two, we’ll keep the world safe.”

There was a sense of determination to him. I knew he meant those words. But I couldn’t help wondering…

“What about you?”

He looked confused. So I continued. “I mean who’s gonna protect you guys? Yeah sure you’ve dealt with them before but…it left its consequences, didn’t it?”

His voice lowered with a sad smile on his face. “What gave it away?”

“The selfies. That you’d send sometimes. I noticed Raph’s shell…”

For a split second I saw panic in his eyes. The mention of his shell must’ve brought back some memories. But before I could ask if he was okay, he brushed it off and returned to normal.

“Yeah that was…that was the Krang. But every hero has to sacrifice, it’s just part of the job.”

…I wonder what you sacrificed, Leo.

We stayed there for a while, I think a few minutes. Just staring at nighttime New York. I think I speak for everyone, including Leo, when I say nearly losing our home to a bunch of brain aliens really put into perspective how beautiful and precious it is.

“By the way, I was only half-joking earlier. I doubt you’ll need it but…if, come round two, you guys need a hand, I’ll be ready.”

He looked at me poker faced for a bit. Then just looked away and moved on.

“It’s getting late. We should get you home, I think I’ve hogged you long enough.”

Truth be told, I didn’t want to just drop the conversation like that. But he was right, I really shouldn’t stretch out my time more than I already have.

“Still need me to hold your hand on the first jumps?”

“Just a few more times, yeah.”

We decided to stop at my building's roof instead of the fire escape and while I didn’t exactly want to go yet, it was relatively late and my legs are screaming in pain from the sudden workout. I walked to the door that leads to the stairs, if I go that route I could still enter through the front door and not have to attempt to gaslight my aunt into thinking I totally didn’t enter through the bedroom window like an insane person in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, Leo drew his katana to portal himself home.

Wait…KATANA??

“OHAHBUTUHDUHDWAH!” trying and failing miserably at saying real words, I instead pointed to the evidence. “T-THING! THE THING! YOU HAD IT ALL ALONG?!”

Boy was Leo a laughing wreck at that. Poor guy was clutching his stomach, gasping and struggling to even stand properly. It’s not like I have any right to judge, I was no better.

I tried catching my breath, at least enough to speak “You, are one stupid little liar! Why would you lie about that of all things?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have a good reason I promise!” He wiped a tear from his eyes. “So, you know how you’ve been way too shy to ask any of us to hang out even though you so obviously want to?”

“Wait, how’d you-”

“Yeah, it was that. Just a little plan to try getting you out of your shell, that’s all. And yes, pun intended.”

I smiled at the dumb joke, or maybe it was more towards the goofy grin he gave when telling it. It’s funny, though. I usually self sabotage when it comes to texting new people: I get too shy to text first or worried I’d respond too quick, blah blah blah all that jazz. And while it’s still something I undeniably need to fix, I’ve got to say, it felt nice seeing someone actually understand why I get that way. For as aloof as he acts, Leo seems to pay pretty close attention to detail.

“You know what? I’m not even mad, tonight was so worth it!”

“Even worth the betrayal? I’d never let anyone get away so easy if they did that to me!” He struck a dramatic pose and I matched the performance.

“Oh the absolute horror! Exercise! Truly, the top dog of anime betrayals!”

I could barely even finish the joke before went into another giggle fit at our shared lack of good humor. My face was killing me from the pain but I had no complaints. I didn’t realize this before but I haven’t laughed this much in a while.

“Really though, if you’re up for it, how about we do this again next week? To make it up to you?”

“Oh goody, an extra day of gym.” I say, but the smile on my face totally stabs me in the back.

He went ahead and actually opened the portal this time “So, same time same place?”

“You bet!” I opened the door.

“Hey Leon?”

“Yep?”

“Thank you.”

And with that, I closed the door behind me and started going down the stairs.

Next Chapter

[chrismerle]

Hello! Just stopping by with a question about writing XD Do you have any characters who's role grew bigger than you expected? Any surprising changes your characters went through during the writing process?

hmmmm

I suppose Shai probably counts

originally, Shai was my first Fallen London character, but at this point there are two very similar but nevertheless distinct versions of Shai. because they are still a Fallen London character and I still write FL fanfic with them and my friends' FL characters, but I'm also (very ... very ... slowly) writing an original story in which they're a key character (and borrowing my friends' characters because I genuinely can't conceive of what Shai would be like without Daniel or Ari in their life). that on its own probably counts as their role growing bigger, but even within the original story itself, their role has grown.

initially, Shai was supposed to be ... I guess sort of an Easter egg? in Threshold. the group of hapless normies was going to stick together, and Ivan would be the one shepherding them back to safety and back to their world (Ivan has also changed a lot, considering he started as a sort of generic grizzly Manly Manpain Sad Man medieval fantasy roleplay character I occasionally used on Gaia Online). Shai would just be one of the contacts Ivan used to help facilitate that, mostly there for my friends to point at and go 'I know that dumpster fire!' and it was ... hard to write? I knew I wanted to include Shai, but Shai refused to be a footnote. one of the most entertaining things about writing Shai is that they suck up all of the oxygen in any space they enter because no one can ask if they're okay if there's no air left to do so but that also makes writing them a bit of a bitch sometimes. they refused to stay contained by the relatively small role I'd designated for them.

so next I tried swapping Shai's and Ivan's positions, making Shai the shepherd of hapless ducklings and Ivan the contact who helped them out at one point, but that also didn't feel right. Shai's not heartless generally speaking, and they can be incredibly (sometimes detrimentally) loyal and generous ... to people who they've decided have earned it. outside of that group of people, they're generally a ruthlessly pragmatic shit stick who looks at life the way a child might look at an easily shakeable ant farm. they are not the sort of character who would just volunteer to help the normies out, regardless of how curious the situation was; helping would distract from satisfying their own curiosity. plus, Ivan is generally a Good Person, and would have simply volunteered to take over Shai's shepherd duties.

which is when the solution occurred to me: split the party.

as Threshold now stands, Shai first finds the party of hapless normies, and they deliver the group to Ivan to actually help them, so they can then prance off to investigate the circumstances of the normies even being there. but then shit happens and one member of the Normie Brigade gets left behind very early in the story (it's literally how the first chapter ends). Shai is loyal to Ivan, is aware that Ivan will beat himself up if he can't get Jayne back to the group, and is also aware that Ivan will have an enormously difficult time getting the rest of the group to safety, tracking Jayne down, and getting him back to the group. on top of that, they'd already given their word to the group that they would be safe in Ivan's custody, but suddenly Jayne was no longer in that safe custody, and Shai takes keeping their word very seriously at least if they meant it when they gave it. so Shai winds up babysitting Jayne throughout the story. Threshold's current format is that the POV switches each chapter, with one chapter being the larger group from Mercy's perspective and the next chapter being Jayne, Shai, and Shai's rotating cast of friends from Jayne's perspective.

and that probably answers the question! I don't think you actually asked for most of that info, but Shai is my tragic Mary Sue trashfire and I like talking about them.

[bornfreakdraws]

U & Y for the recent ask game!

[the ask game]

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Mmh, ok so, the first three that come to mind in no particular order then:

Nicolas Brown from 'Gangsta' because of how the author handles him, sets him up as this scary, badass, heartless monster and then shows the reader that he's actually incredibly soft. And also because I'm weak for those loyal type characters whose sole purpose in life is to protect their friend or companion.

Nadja from 'What We Do In The Shadows' because she just cracks me up. Plus she's GORGEOUS and her style is amazing. I think she's an extremelly succesfully written female character.

Ashitaka from 'Princess Mononoke' because he's compassionate, kind-hearted, responsible and, honestly, one of the first characters that actually informed my personal moral code growing up. I feel like characters like this are so important. It's important to stick by what you believe in and still remain sympathetic towards others.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Oof, I'm not super familiar but I'd say 'Hades' (the video game) because my patrons requested some fan arts. I guess I got to know some stuff about Baldur's Gate 3 through fan arts from people I follow (and my social media algorithms) lately, so there's that.