#it just doesn't make sense. how is any of that fair

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #2: NOT QUITE THERE

(also on spotify!)

b-b-back once again

Round two of the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was track one, Dyad - today is track two, Not Quite There, featuring the incomparable telebasher!

This one's a bit of a dark horse relative to the rest of the album, but it may very well be my personal favorite song on the entire thing so dammit let's Yap

---

For the uninitiated, this song pulls heavily from a song off my previous album called Gummyworm, both in vibe and by very directly quoting its synth motif.

Both of these songs deal with two sides of the same emotional coin. I actually don't want to go into too much detail about it - I feel like the lyrics spell things out clearly enough - but I will say this:

When it's all you know, it's easy to believe that a love that isolates you, a love that doesn't respect you, a love that hurts is better than no love at all.

You deserve better. There are always people who genuinely want what's best for you, who want you to feel truly loved. It certainly isn't always easy - it's genuinely good if your interpersonal relationships have a little friction sometimes - but love should make your life brighter.

You deserve a love that's fair.

---

The original version of this song was actually intended to be on Bittersweet alongside Gummyworm. The original concept for that album had a whole heady concept involving duality, songs reflecting each other, the two halves basically being reprisals of each other... Ultimately, I'm glad I scrapped that idea, because it was waaaaaay too much for me to manage after a couple years of barely making music. Maybe I'll revisit it someday though?

The drums on this song are sampled from an Instagram post by Louis Cole, where he's doing this crazy one-handed hi-hat blast by holding a drumstick sideways. I'm a drummer and that shit genuinely scares me a little like i dont know how he does half the things he does its fucked BUT. I bring this up because he's one of my biggest inspirations as a musician! I'm really big on jazz in general, in case my love for spicy chords wasn't enough of an indication, but his specific brand of freaky hyperactive bullshit just does it for me.

Seriously, go watch his band KNOWER play their song Overtime. Absolutely insane performances across the board. also Clown Core

This whole song is really just my attempt at matching some of that hectic jazzy energy with my own style of music, so I figured it only made sense to make it another collab with another musician making delightfully frantic jazz bullshit - the legend herself, telebasher! I really am such a massive fan of her work, and I struggle to think of anyone who plays guitar quite like she does. We previously worked together on another Bittersweet track, Asemic Speech, and her guitar work is a major reason why that song is still one of my favorite I've ever released!! She's just built different like listen to this oh my god!!!!

Lastly, since this song was one of the first written for this entire project... it is admittedly a case of me shoehorning the album's leitmotif in after the fact. It's a little forced when it shows up in the backing vocals! But, the choir of vocal synths during the guitar solo served an additional purpose - my own voice doesn't show up on the album again for another four entire songs, and this would've otherwise been the only song on the entire album that didn't feature any vocal synths. Thus did I attempt to bridge the gap, as it were. Hopefully it makes the final product feel more natural!!

Either way, that's all for today's post.... i think.... which means that tomorrow.... we're gonna rot.... for clout

[skele-bunny]

Thinking about Aether and Dew baby...

This follows Calida's timeline!

CW - Pregnancy, Mentions of past Traumatic Pregnancy (but this is a fluff post!)

It's been a good few years, now. Calida now a rambunctious teenager, the ministry settled down while there's no tours for a good while. It's comfortable! The topic comes up one night, Dew settled in the bed with Aether on their day off together;

"Firefly?"

"Hm?"

"Promise you won't bite me if I ask something?" An eyebrow raise but Dew promises. "How would you feel about another baby?"

"Another?" Dewdrop sits up a little, resting more on the headboard as he grimaces some. "I dunno, Aeth... Calida's was rough as is. I had her early, and all the complications, and just the mental side of it? I'm not sure... Why?"

"Just been thinking, that's all. Maybe something in the air, all the babies I've been helping deliver with the siblings. I dunno either. Just thought, maybe, it would be nice to have tiny feet running through the den again."

Dewdrop just chews his lip and nods, eventually going into silence before going to the bathroom suddenly. Closes the door and stares at himself in the mirror for a bit, so many thoughts racing. He doesn't realize how long it's been until Aether knocks to check on him, Dew opening the door and looking up, holding his breath.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Let's have another. But on my conditions."

"What- Oh, okay! What's your conditions?" Aether can't help his tail wagging.

"We're gonna go talk to my therapist and double, triple, fucking quad check that this isn't just a breeding thing for you... A-and I only want you, or Phil, or- or just that really nice midwife you introduced me to at the Halloween party, Alexa... If... If I get pregnant again. No one else."

Aether just nods, taking Dewdrop's hand, leading him back to bed. "Those are all reasonable. I can call for an appointment in the morning. Sound fair?"

"Yeah... Sounds fair."

It's about two months worth of sessions, both privately and together, making sure that YES. They want this! Dew is mentally ready for this again, Aether isn't in some kink phase, etc. They even talk to Calida who's more than excited about a little sibling! Dewy gets off his testosterone and starts taking supplements, and circles his first heat for them to start trying. They keep everything quiet for a while, and even more months of failed attempts to conceive. It's about month four when Dew wakes Aether up, sitting on his lap with two positive pregnancy tests.

They're SO fucking excited but keep their expectations mellow. Dewdrop's health has much changed since Calida, plus they don't know if the egg will fully stay intact. Still, it is exciting for Aether to smell how fruity Dewdrop is. Constantly scenting him to see if there's any changes but also to cover the smell around the others. Every night Aether has his eyes full of stars and a gentle hand on Dew's stomach, whispering to Dewy what he sees, how small it is, but still so full of fluids and cells.

Two months, they agree to tell the others. It goes as they expect, excitement and extra affection, a ghoul pile that even Copia makes time to join.

"Have you started thinking about names or anything like that?" Sunny is laying her head on Dew's thigh, smiling SO wide.

"No, not just yet. Things can still change so we're waiting at least until near the end of the second trimester."

"Makes sense," Swiss chimes in. "Does Calida know?"

Aether is the one to laugh, leaning over. "That girl scared the birds away from how excited she got. She was the first to know."

Now, Dewdrop wouldn't trade Calida for the world. But he wishes he had this gentleness when he was expecting her. The kindness and a huge pack so that he doesn't have to strain and try to keep up, that he knew early, how accommodating everything's been. There's times he'll just hold his stomach and look in the mirror, so much deja vu of when he did it in hotel bathrooms while on tour. Speaking to Calida and telling her she was going to be the light of his life, and now he's doing it again. Just another piece for a puzzle he didn't know wasn't completed yet.

He's put on bed rest once more, too many high risks going on, and he starts eventually experiencing... Symptoms.

"What do you mean they're weird?"

"They're just fucking weird, Aether! Just, okay, tickle me."

He blinks. "You hate being tickled."

"I know! Just do it!"

He shrugs and does a little wiggle of his fingers before attacking Dew's sides and armpits. Listening to him squeal and laugh, grimacing and eventually - the TV turns on. Aether is staring at it while Dew catches his breath.

"See? Weird fucking shit! If I sneeze the lights turn on and off, when I get headaches my phone's battery dies, and like... It's so strange!"

Aether whistles a little, rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh we're so having a quint."

"Huh?"

Aether looks him dead in the eyes, but a big goofy smile. "You're having magick surges. Little bit is reacting to you, and quintessence is a hell of a thing. Starts while still in the womb, my mother in the pit had almost the same things happening. Less technology and more of like, levitation. We're having a quint!"

Dew blinks before breaking into cries. "Woah, woah! What's wrong, my love?"

"I'm gonna look like a fucking watermelon you ass-wipe!" Hitting him softly but still crying.

Poor thing isn't even six months yet, but he looks like he's eight! Mumbling about his feet hurting, his legs more swollen than normal, cravings that are insanity to even be thought of. It's when he's in the nursery, tying ribbons on the crib when he gasps at a feeling, holding his stomach... It happens again.

He doesn't even get the full trill out before Cumulus and Mountain are RAMMING into that door.

"What's wrong?!"

But, he's smiling, beckoning them over. Takes both of their hands and puts it on his bump, shushing them every time they try to ask. There's a kick and their eyes go wide, Dew just as much. It's much softer than normal kicks, but that's to be expected from the egg sack still around them.

Then, finally, a gender reveal. Expecting a tiny little girl, Aether excited as he's always been a girl dad, adjusting some of the things in the nursery to match her.

"Teddy."

"Hm?"

Dew is playing with a tiny onesie, keeping his eyes locked on it. "What do you think of the name Starshine?"

"Starshine?"

"Yeah," his thumb going over the embroidered star on the onesie. "For our daughter."

Aether hums, thinking it over a little before he nods. "Yeah... Yeah, I like that."

He makes it to full term, after an agonizing day and a half of his water being broken and no dilation. Clutching to Aether and Mountain, Alexa between his knees to help course their daughter out. Mountain's fur is sticking up from the amount of electricity from Dew holding him, then with how hot he is. There's a bit of a power surge at the final push before the lights come back. Dewdrop sobbing as he dead weights against the two, staring at the ceiling but ears completely focused on Starshine's mad cries as she's cut from the sack.

Good god they though Mountain was furry? That poor girl is gonna need haircuts WEEKLY. Aether and Dew laughing a bit as they're holding this purple blob of fur, some soft white on her belly and in her ears. Hair blonde, just like Dewdrop's.

Mountain congratulating them and helping Alexa clean up a little while the new parents again bask in the afterglow with their new daughter :3

[rmbunnie]

It's most likely just Starlin trying to get to Jason dying faster because he did not like Robin, but the whole "Jason's spiraling because of his grief for his parents" thing they were trying to spin was honestly really weird, not supported by the rest of the run INCLUDING the parts Starlin wrote, and kinda reads like an unreliable narrator situation because all of the information supporting it is given through Bruce's narration, him speculating on Jason's thoughts and actions.

The plot thread of Jason's grief for his family affecting his behavior shows up like TWO issues after Jason first becomes Robin back when Collins was writing, and gets sorted out after one conversation where Jason gets to confront Bruce about hiding his father's death from him for 6 months. After that Jason is behaving normally until they encounter three predators in a row, and each time Bruce insists that they can't do anything because of The Rules and assorted red tape/diplomatic immunity plotlines. (The sister of a woman who got dismembered actually tricked the violent-misogynist killer who dismembered her sister (and then got his serial killings dismissed through a technicality) into attacking her, and ends up killing him in self-defense, and then Jason's like "seems fair" and Bruce is like "no. it's NOT. we need to follow laws and not take justice into our own hands. which like wtf Bruce! you are a vigilante who just used a custom tank to fight an evil televangelist! who then got ripped to shreds by his followers while you watched!)

Bruce kinda just decides with Alfred that it must be grief upsetting him and not the dozens of brutally killed women and their predatory killers who the law inexplicably protected, (all written by Starlin, so retconning it for DitF like five issues later would be an odd move) but the only text claiming that's why Jason was upset is from Bruce's POV and through Alfred's dialogue. Jason himself doesn't display any signs of grief in the story itself, or even act or speak in a way that alludes to Catherine and Willis beyond looking at a picture of them and smiling fondly while he sorts through their possessions. He kinda just happens upon the box with his mother's info by chance, and is like ok i guess we're doing mom searches now. He was only going for a walk through his old neighborhood, not actively searching out info on his family. When Jason is deciding whether or not to run off without telling Bruce, he considers telling him and then goes "no, all he cares about is being Batman, he wouldn't even understand why I want to see my mom." Which, I mean, "Bruce wouldn't get it" is a REALLY odd angle if the sole motivator for spiraling, then getting benched* and running away to search out his bio-mom, was because he was mourning his dead parents, a thing he notably has in common with Bruce. That statement only really makes sense if he's thinking about a different thing that was greatly upsetting to him that Bruce brushed past, like maybe a combo of hiding the murder of his dad for half a year and allowing several cases involving sexual violence to freely develop body counts in the name of the law.

Lots of people have written about how Jason's stay in the manor might have seemed dependent on being Robin with how he was kinda just scooped up, but (if we're including Detective Comics in our characterization,) Bruce had offered to let him resign from Robin and just live with him (a little late, but still. It's worth noting Batman proper shows Jason afraid and uncomfortable at the thought of Dick taking Robin back, which lends more merit to the housing-dependent-on-Robin-misunderstanding interpretation, but canon is pick and choose anyways.) The lack of trust involved in his choice to search out his mom kinda reads like it was bred by more than that alone, and Bruce's prioritization of the law over the protection of the people it ignores is notably upsetting to him in the prior issues. tbh I really do believe the outcomes of those cases could have informed Jason's stance that Bruce's method of justice is ineffective right alongside his own murder and his experiences in Lost Days.

It would make sense for Bruce to not consider his own actions while he's thinking through things that would upset Jason, because from his point of view the things there that were bothering Jason were the criminals alone, not the way that the methods with which they were approaching their crimes continually led to the perpetrators evading actual justice. During the point in DitF where he's thinking through motivations for Jason's running away because something isn't adding up for HIM, the idea doesn't so much as cross his mind. It would also add another layer to Jason's sulkiness upon Bruce's arrival if he held the belief that Bruce is ignoring the consequences his brand of justice has on victims (and the way it's affecting him to helplessly watch it play out), starts to hope that Bruce actually can understand his thought processes/relate to him when he shows up, only to be told to his face that Bruce is prioritizing his style of justice over Jason again. With the way everything that led Jason to his bio-mom was comically circumstantial and the context of the previous issues, it's kind of the ONLY way Death in the Family makes sense to me. Tldr: I feel like the grief claimed as reasoning for Jason's actions leading up to his death is mainly speculation from Bruce and Alfred and the more textually-supported reason for his erratic behavior and lack of trust in Bruce is the lack of intervention in several sensitive cases that led them to worsen unobstructed and eventually permitted them to escalate into casualties in 2 out of 3 cases.

*Also, side note, but the idea that Jason got benched for the Filipe situation, while perfectly reasonable, is not quite spot on. The Filipe situation escalated into the fight in the junkyard where his dad is crushed by a car and Bruce is all "everything you do has consequences" which is kinda big words for a guy whose lack of action indirectly lead to a girls death earlier in the storyline, but true. Jason actally gets benched because he jumps directly into gunfire while fighting the third set of predators and Bruce starts to worry he's getting a little suicidal with it. He baits a guy into shooting at him on purpose again trying to protect mom prospect number 1 later on in DitF, so Bruce might have had a point with that one.

[wanderingblindly]

i got so excited about october birds that i forgot about the other wip! the lando norris biography!! just reread the intro and ahhh!!! are there any snippets you are willing to share from that?

-tasmania anon <3

(referenced post)

I mean, you never have to ask about anything, to be fair! It's never some sort of expectation.

But yes! That's another sort of longer term project I have. Sometimes I get this issue where I make multiple WIPs at the same time that have similar tone because I get the urge to portray a feeling, but I'm not sure what scenario does it best. I do fear that the Authorized Biography and October Birds will be a bit like that, which is why I've moved to biography to the back burner.

But! I'm more than happy to talk about it! always!! here's another snippet, set after the opening race of the 2025 season (Australia):

Lando Norris: An Authorized Biography

"Lan–" Oscar's cut off with a huff, bumping into the door that Lando hadn't though to hold open – hadn't looked back to check. He pulls it back open, stepping through quickly. "Lando, I was thinking –"

Lando turns around, absently sipping at his water bottle with the bizarre, overly long straw. His hair's dried since the post-race press conference, since the team champagne photoshoot in front of the sign board screaming NORRIS P1.

He tilts his head, eyes wide. "What?"

"Maybe, if you have time, we could do a few –"

"Already talked to the press," Lando cuts him off, turning on his heel and continuing through the hospitality.

"I mean, I'm not really press. Your team's the one that –"

"Still media, mate." Lando calls over his shoulder. He reaches his driver room, turning as he stands in front of the door, "Even if you're my media, yeah?"

He raises the straw back up to his lip with a sense of superiority – as if he'd gotten the final word.

Oscar doesn't know what to say that to that, face blank in his indecision, hand frozen on his notebook. "Give me five minutes." He pushes back, and Lando raises a brow.

"Gonna ask me about my childhood?" Lando grins around his straw.

"I mean," Oscar shrugs, "At some point, I'd imagine."

They freeze in silent stalemate, waiting for the other to make the next move. Finally, Lando shifts ever so slightly, free hand coming to rest on his cocked hip. "Childhood stuff waits 'till I decide if I like you."

Negotiations.

Oscar slides his notebook into his pocket. "Wanna tell me about the race?"

"Boring." Lando crinkles his nose in distaste.

"How you ended up at McLaren, then."

Lando's brows twitch slightly, like a spasm behind a mask. "Bit close to childhood, huh?" He asks, shifting to push his driver's room door ajar.

"Is it?" Oscar asks genuinely, taking a step closer to Lando; he motions him into the small space first, though Oscar isn't sure where he's meant to go. There's hardly room for two.

He directs Oscar towards the bench, taking the floor for himself with crossed legs.

Lando hums, shifting to get comfortable. Without meeting Oscar's gaze, "Some people would probably think so."

[basmala260]

The basic dynamics of Hirano and Kagiura's relationship

First of all, I don't like comparing the two because they both fall into the spectrum of ideal romance and the other into complicated romance, But just to make things clear, Sasaki To Miyano is more genuine and romantic while Hirano To Kagiura is more on the complicated side discuss identity crisis where hirano is dealing with his self issues and Kagiura deals with his concept of love Unlike Sasamiya where everything was perfect, friendship, admiration, feelings, time to give a proper answer, mutual feelings

But I will use this in some paradoxes between natural and complex relationships to illustrate some points, fair enough

1. Kagiura's personality is the fastest to develop in this relationship. He just loves his roommate, trying to make sure of his feelings, but thanks to his friend's support, he determined his proper definition of love. Of course, a large part of him is inclined towards his parents' relationship* and as I mentioned before His desire to feel Hirano's feelings for him turned into a physical desire because he couldn't get the look he wanted from Hirano's eyes.

* With that said, I want to touch on this point since this is one of the ways the manga shows how childish Kagiura is, it's something where you ask a child what they want to do when they grow up and they'll tell you they want to be like their mom or dad

I actually asked one of the kids in the family a couple of days ago what she wanted her partner to be like when she grew up, and her response was simple "a kind and a caring person." (You can pull any child near you and they will give you the same answer).

Isn't that exactly what Kagi loves about Hirano? (I mean I know this is a natural trait of the person you love but usually it is not only this, I hope this makes sense) What I'm trying to explain here is how Kagiura is always referred to as a child

Not only that, but Hirano's rejection of him activated the stubborn (and seemingly childish) feeling inside him. Hirano had already rejected him twice (9 - 23.5) But he was vehemently denying it, confident that Hirano would "REALIZE HIS FEELINS" and not "give up." (Because I used to see a lot of people saying that Kagiura is forcing Hirano)

As I mentioned before, this is blind optimism.

Unlike Sasaki, who didn't think he had much hope, and in the time he gave Miyano to think, he was happy that Miyano was thinking of him and didn't want anything else, and even if he had rejected him I'm sure everything would have stayed the same and he wouldn't ask Miya to think again at any chance He was really grateful to have Miano in his life, just it

2. Move to Hirano who The one on his side of the relationship is much slower and also late, since this was the first time he experienced something like this, he had no one to confess to, he had no one to love, and he had never been in a relationship before, Hirano struggles to define and understand love itself, He is not looking for a clear concept, he is trying to find a concept

He had never thought about it before, and it seemed to him that everything he did to Kagiura, from pampering and loving, was a natural act, as he was searching for a sense of responsibility throughout the story.

He was the only child of his parents, intellectually intelligent, but socially stupid, qualities that formed fertile ground for the desire to feel responsible.

We can see how he is a supporting character in the main manga like Hanazawa, but unlike Hanazawa who was driven by anxiety, Hirano was driven by responsibility.

Every time Kagiura gets close to Hirano physically and Hirano doesn't move, it's not that Hirano wants Kagiura to get closer, it's not that Hirano trusts Kagiura not to get closer, but it's already made clear that Hirano doesn't mind Kagiura touching him, it's just that he doesn't understand what this should mean, it's not that he doesn't want to or that he wants to, he just stands helpless not understanding (The thing is, in chapter 20, he was just surprised, but he wasn't bothered by it)

Unlike Sasaki and Miyano, there was a boundary and a line between the contact between them.

The most likely idea for me is that Hirano is slow to understand his feelings because he is trying to understand Kagiura and has never tried to understand himself.

[albinokittens300]

!Spoilers Under The Cut!

A/N: SO...been a minute since I wrote fic but. Made sense since I have ideas floating around might as well write and share them. Please note not only am I rusty writing in general, this is my first attempt at these characters. Be gentle on me please XD. I do hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think, and maybe I'll try and get another one out maybe before Act 2 drops this weekend. All this ended up being was a little drabble of a possible reunion between Ekko and Jinx because I need some Timebomb goodness. Isha making an appearance is a bonus! Fair warning I make some wild leaps about what goes on during Act 2, so beware this is based some of my speculation.

He lets it go on for a few turns into different allies before finally stopping.

Ekko knows his little shadow is nothing more than a child, judging by the sound of the sets on the stone and the occasional clang of metal being kicked or tripped on. He usually wouldn't be worried- but with no one chasing after and taking her back to where she belonged, he took it as the sign it was. To follow him so far means she is all alone. Having just gotten back across the bridge, helping an orphan wasn't something on the list of deep concerns. At least, not until it needed to be.

"As quiet as you are, I have to say it'd be easier to get around if you weren't hiding." He says softly. Light brown eyes peek around the corner, playing at being undercover without actually doing so. She is hard to make out in low and greeish light, but he manages. "You can come out. Not gonna hurt you. All safe, I promise."

His hair raises, though, when her gaze flicks back to where he can't see. By all appearances, she is getting permission. So the girl isn't alone. When she takes a few steps out, he tries to remain unsuspicious.

"Whose behind there?" He asks as he kneels while she approaches.

"Definitely not who you're expecting." A darker, familiar voice speaks.

Jinx hasn't even revealed herself before the instinct takes over, and Ekko grabs the little girl and puts her behind him.

Attempting to pull her away from the known danger sets off another problem, though- the little girl reacts as if she has been burned. Letting out a cry, she wiggles away from him quickly before running back and wrapping herself around Jinx. While she removes the hood of her cloak, revealing a far too proud smirk, another arm wraps around the kid's shoulder. His eyes quickly scan her other side. A few bombs are latched there, but no pistol or any of her bigger toys. It was not a situation he loved, but it was preferable to facing down a minigun.

When Ekko's eyes return to the child, he doesn't think someone so small has ever looked at him so frightened. Something screams this isn't right as he watches for a few seconds.

"Relax, this one, I'll admit, has a reason to be a bit jumpy." She says, directing the words at the girl. Then, leveling a look at him. "What was it Vi said you had to say when the two of ya caught up? About looking good for a dead person?"

"That makes three of us, then." He says back. "Wanna explain what is going on down here, seeing as you are my welcoming party."

"Ah, nothing much. War, revolution, infighting, and unifying! All of that. If you are looking for the Firelights, they aren't at the tree. Or what's left of it." She says with a wave of her hand and a shrug. The blood runs like ice at the words and he rounds on her.

"What did you-"

"Woah, woah, I didn't do anything. Those wackos from Noxus? They are the ones who tracked the tree. My only part was helping everyone out." She hisses back. When his face changes, so does hers—relaxing just the slightest bit. Helped them out? Months trapped away should mean nothing surprise him. But it does.

He sees her arms crossed, watching and almost waiting for him to decide how this will go. Deciding to match her lack of hostility, just this once, he looks around to the eerily empty and quiet lanes.

"Guess I got a lot to catch up on."

That brings a less taunting smirk to her face. "Just a bit."

[platoapproved]

As the resident TVC expert, do the books ever address the fact that Armand has a substance abuse problem? I knew he had a familial history of alcoholism through his father but I’m reading TVA for the first time and I feel like I should have been keeping track of how many times he’s mentioned being intoxicated while in Venice. I’ve seen parts of the battle-ax sequence out of context but I never realized until now that Armand explicitly states that he’s also drunk while all THAT™️ is happening

😭 I am so flattered and happy to answer as well as I can, but I promise I really am NOT an expert. I've still only read up through TVA! 💚 I can't tell you if the question of Armand and substance abuse ever comes up in later books, though my suspicion is it won't.

(Also good luck on your reading of TVA! It's... a lot!)

It really is interesting to me that a lot of discussion especially around Daniel/Armand talks about Daniel's addiction but (and it's probably just because people are going based solely on the show which is so fair!!!) doesn't mention Amadeo getting drunk all the time in Venice. That includes the breaking-down-Marius'-door-with-an-axe scene and everything that follows. But the one that really kills me, and to me makes it clearest that Amadeo is turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism, comes earlier:

He was particularly horrified that I'd fallen drunk into the Grand Canal, necessitating a clumsy and hysterical rescue. I could have sworn he went pale at the account, that I saw the color dance back from his whitening cheeks. He whipped Riccardo for it. I was full of shame. Riccardo took it like a soldier without cries or comment, standing still at a large fireplace in the library, his back turned to receive the blows on his legs. Afterwards, he knelt and kissed the Master's ring. I vowed I'd never get drunk again. I got drunk the next day, but I had the sense to stagger into Bianca's house and climb under her bed, where I could fall asleep without risk. Before midnight the Master pulled me out. I thought, Now I'll get it. But he only put me to bed, where I fell asleep before I could apologize.

It's just got so many layers of awfulness - Amadeo falling in the canal comes up a bunch as a fun shenanigan in fic/discussion, which I love, but I also can never forget what follows after it. Marius whipping Riccardo rather than Amadeo but making him watch. Amadeo promising himself he won't get drunk again but then getting drunk again the next day. :/ Running to Bianca's house and hiding under her bed because it is 'without risk' in a way that the palazzo isn't. :\

TVA doesn't ever address it explicitly but I think it's pretty easy and justified to read Amadeo as having a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol, even without taking into account a family history of addiction with his father.

I feel like I've read a handful of devil's minion fics where there are explicit parallels drawn between Amadeo's addiction to Marius' blood and Daniel's addiction to Armand's blood, but I would LOVE to read a fic where like... Daniel and Armand talk about the fact that as an abused teen he was getting drunk every day in a way that was clearly not just 'people drank a lot of wine back in the 16th century'. If anyone has any recs like that I'd love to read them!

[mogamuncher]

Chapter I: The Heroine and the Knight

“Whatever horrors you may find in these dark spaces, have heart and see them through. There are no premature endings. There are no wrong decisions. There are only fresh perspectives and new beginnings.”

“This is a love story.”

•••

Chapter I: The Heroine and the Knight

You are on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path, is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin, is a knight. You are here to slay him. If you don't, it will be the end of the world.

Quite predictably, you tilt your head in confusion at such words, uncomprehending, despite how clearly and easily it was explained. "What do you mean? How is he going to end the world?"

It doesn't matter how he will end the world, all that matters is that he's going to do it. Rather, it matters that you are going to stop it, preferably by slaying him. There should be no need for you to ponder on unnecessary details outside of that.

Though such sensible words were spoken, you look on forward at the path with a confused and bumbling expression, as if concerned.

"So he's reaaaaally scary?"

No, he's a normal knight.

. . .

At that, you somehow become even more confused.

"But then. . . Isn't it really bad? To kill a knight like that?"

Obviously, you wasted your breath to ask a simply idiotic question, one that is frankly just to be expected coming from the likes of you. In the first place, what does it matter that you're killing a knight specifically? Is this your sad attempt to be a moralist? There's nothing more inherently wrong with killing a knight than it is to kill a blacksmith or a tailor, in fact it would be more morally sound to kill the knight, as he theoretically would be the most fair to fight, being able to defend himself.

"Eeh? Still though. . ."

There's really nothing else to discuss here, you're wasting the time of both me and everyone else in this world, the longer you take to slay that knight the more you put the rest of the world at risk. Do you want to be the reason that the world ends?

"N-No! Obviously not! I'd never want something so horrible!" You protested with a pathetic squeak, sounding vaguely like a mouse that's being stomped on.

Then stop dilly dallying and go to the cabin, the world depends on you, unfortunately.

Eventually you come to your senses and do just that, walking along the path in the silent still forest, until you see a hill. Of course, atop that hill there sat the cabin, a seemingly normal wooden structure of fairly small size.

Now, before you go in, here's a word of warning;

He will lie, he will cheat, and he will do anything to make sure you don't slay him. Don't believe a word he says.

Voice of the Noble: [Not that I would willingly doubt another's good intentions, however, haven't you simply been too biased this whole time?]

"That's exactly what I was thinking! I mean, we haven't even met him yet. . . There's no reason to mistrust him like this."

Truly, even ugliness has a limit, why would you let yourself be swayed by any old voice that speaks in your brain?

"Eh? But," You tilted your head, a puppy-ish display of confusion. "Isn't that what you are also?"

Voice of the Noble: [Indeed. There is nothing that should make you any more reliable than me.]

Regardless, you should hurry to the cabin anyways, and hopefully you'll do so ignoring any stray noise from a certain disembodied voice.

Voice of the Noble: [Ah, she completely gave up in answering me, after all. . .]

Voice of the Noble: [Even so, we should refrain from making any judgements until we meet said knight.]

Nodding your head to agree with said certain disembodied voice, you finally decided to walk towards the cabin, soon stepping inside and closing the door behind you.

The cabin itself was small and old, ordinary in every sense of the word, with the only real furniture of note being a small wooden table with a small blade perched atop of it. Said blade is your implement, it would be rather difficult to slay the knight without it.

. . . But even knowing so, your hand hesitated slightly as you reached out to the blade, before it fully dropped to your side, limp—— Pray tell, what exactly are you waiting for?

"Well, I agree with the other voice, I want to talk with that knight before I do something as drastic a slaying him! I would feel awful if I hurt him over something as silly as a misunderstanding."

There are no misunderstandings to be had there though, he's going to end the world you foolish girl, what's there for you to not understand?

"Even so! I want to talk to him first, and it would be reaaaaally difficult to do that if I came in while holding a knife. What if he gets scared of me?"

Voice of the Noble: [Admittedly, it would be difficult to have civil conversation with anyone if they were holding a weapon—much more so if they were there with the specific purpose of ending you.]

"See? He understands!"

You two are incorrigible.

Voice of the Noble: [For some reason, I can almost picture her disgusted face right now.]

"Eh, me too. . ."

Ugh.

Well, leaving your only weapon alone because of your own incredibly foolish reasoning, you stepped forward, face to face with the door to the basement. Taking a deep breath to steel your own nerves, you went inside.

Creeeak.

The wood groaned underneath your feet as you slowly went down the stairs. Dark and forgotten, the wood was a bit dusty, the walls narrow in relation to the staircase, this place was as claustrophobic as it was simple. If the knight truly lives here, slaying him would be doing him a favor.

But your sightseeing was soon interrupted by a voice carrying up the stairs. It was curious, light, airy, a bit playful. It was as if the person speaking was a cheerful sort of friendly, the type of person that carelessly treated serious situations with casualness.

"Hellooo? Is someone there? I sure hope it's not another doom flag. . . Being chained here is already enough of a stain in my pride as it is!"

Voice of the Noble: [He sounds. . . Nice. Perhaps a bit too callous considering the situation he is in, but he does not at all sound like a threat.]

That's what he wants you to think, anyhow. What, are you really letting him get to your head this quickly?

"But he really did sound friendly though." You protested, annoyingly so.

Voice of the Noble: [. . .]

Voice of the Noble: [Undoubtedly, your narration is beyond biased.]

Regardless, you keep walking down the stairs, until you finally reach the basement.

That's when you see him, The Knight;

With short slicked back hair black as the starless sky, equally as dark owlish eyes, he was dressed in armour that was only a bit dirty despite his time in the basement, a side cape surrounding him as he fumbled it with his hands. A single shackle and chain was wrapped around his wrist, whole another stayed vacant on the wall near him. He was sitting down, seeing you walk in.

The knight himself stopped to stare up at you, blinking once and twice, before he shook his head rather suddenly. His face split into a friendly grin then, he waved in your direction, the chain clanking loudly as he did so.

"Hey there! You're new—well I guess anyone would be new, since I don't have any visitors at all—but hey are you here to save me? Ah, I would be happy if that was case, but somehow my heart still aches at the thought of being casted as the damsel here. This is just too disheartening, you know?"

At his unending friendly chatter, you balk slightly, taking a step back, you reply rather eloquently:

"E-Eh?"

Hm, indeed, riveting.

Voice of the Noble: [Oh give us a break, we did not expect for the Knight to be so. . . Spirited.]

Oh? And here I thought it was your decision to simply talk to him before taking any action, should you not have been prepared for said Knight to have a eccentric personality at the least, then? I mean, you were told he was going to destroy the world, after all.

Voice of the Noble: [That is different. The problem is not that he's unapproachable, rather, it's the opposite.]

So you've been stumped because the Knight you're supposed to slay is actively cheerful? What kind of heroine lets herself be swayed by such things?

"Uhhh, hey, are you just going to stare at me?" The Knight asked, having finally stopped talking, staring at you with a slightly nervous expression.

He patted the spot right in front of him, as if goading her to come close to him.

"Well it's awkward to talk to anyone from so far away. So, c'mon! Sit here with me, it's been ages since I've had a tete-a-tete with anyone."

Voice of the Noble: [Despite his eccentricity, I see no harm in us sitting down to talk with him. After all, simply slaying a knight without any reason would be awfully unbecoming of us.]

"I don't know what a teytey-ah-teytey is, but of course, I'll sit with you."

Saying that, you foolishly walked closer to the chained up man, sitting down in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something, but right before he could utter a single word you beat him to it, extending your arm out with your finger raised, as if making an addendum.

"Make no mistake, this is not me choosing to believe in you right away. This is for my own benefit, because I don't like being in the dark about things."

Despite your stern tone, his smile only seemed to gain a rather genuine edge to it, though he nodded gravely.

"Of course, of course."

"This is an interrogation, I want to know your real intentions, so I need you to be honest with me."

"Understood, you'll get nothing out of my mouth that isn't the full truth, 100%, 1000% even!"

"Thank you for agreeing. In that case, please tell me your name!"

With that, the Knight stopped. Growing pensive, he scratched at his head as if trying to recollect something, before he sprung up with a snap of his fingers. He got up suddenly, startling you, making a ridiculous pose as he just his hip out and pointed towards the basement ceiling.

"I am 「The Knight」, I'm broke and clueless beyond compare! In fact, I'm so clueless that I have no idea what my actual name is. For that, you can just call me 「Knight」 or 「The Knight」 for now!"

"My, when you put it like that you do sound utterly hopeless! Still, it's nice to meet you, mister Knight."

"Hearing anyone call me like that feels extremely awkward," He rubbed the back of his neck, sitting back down on the ground in front of you. "It sounds like I'm someone's dad. Please have mercy, I'm still young. . . I think."

Voice of the Noble: [Shouldn't he at least know his own age? Or his name, for that matter?]

Indeed, he should. Do you not find that odd?

You say as much, anyhow. "It is strange though. . . You don't remember your name, or how old you are?"

The Knight shook his head, seeming oddly sheepish again.

"Not at all. For all I know I have just been stuck here this whole time."

"And how long have you been here?"

"Ah, well. . . I don't know."

You tilted your head, confused, he scrambled to explain himself, the chain flying with his hurried arm movements.

"I just——! I lost count if how long I've been here, okay??? It's not like I have a clock y'know? It could've been days, or months, or years, or five minutes, I wouldn't know!"

Voice of the Noble: [That sounds inhumane!]

And why do you say that? Have you ever thought that perhaps he deserved such treatment? After all for someone that's said to be a bringer of an actual apocalypse, mere imprisonment is actually a light punishment, no?

Voice of the Noble: [And what is even being punished here? As far as I am aware, we are still here and so are you, so he hasn't even done anything wrong yet!]

Yet. Besides, does he need to do something bad to face consequences when his future actions are already known? He can only end the world once, knowing that, shouldn't those that live in said world have the right to get rid of him at once the minute they know what he'll do? It's simple prevention of a future issue, is all.

Voice of the Noble:[So you're keeping an innocent man in captivity.]

Yes. After all, said innocent man will soon become non-innocent, at least that is if you won't slay him. If not to save the actual world, then at least end him for the sake of helping to retain that innocent, after all, who wouldn't want to die wholly blameless?

Voice of the Noble: [Hgk——! That. . .]

"That is horrible!" You protested out loud, which the Knight in front of you nodded, clearly misunderstanding it as a response to his earlier complaints.

"That's what I've been saying! Couldn't they at least have given me some books? A TV? A sewing kit? Even just a deck of Uno would be fine at this point!"

While the Knight listed off several nonsensical things that you had no clue about, still, you smiled at him. Perhaps his cheerful attitude despite his imprisonment has moved you.

Either way, you move on with your faux interrogation, pointlessly extracting information from someone you'll inevitably have to slay either way.

"Someone told me that you're going to end the world, is that true?"

"Eeeeh? Well, that's news to me! In the first place, I would find it difficult to end even a single fly if I wasn't chained up. How am I supposed to end the world?"

"In that case, mister Knight, what would you do if you got out of here?"

"I dunno. . . I would like to see the stars in the night sky, I think. I can't help but feel like I haven't seen them in so long. . . Truly, seeing them again, is what I want to do."

"If someone like me were to free you. . . You wouldn't try to hurt me?"

"Not at all! In fact I would be eternally grateful and would thank you a million times over. I'll let you know I can show my gratitude just fine, Heroine-tan!"

At his odd words, you pause, looking at him in incredulity.

"What did you just call me?" You asked, and the Knight shrugged.

"Well, if you're talking about freeing me, then I can only assume you're the fated rescuer that'll sweep me off my feet and away from here. Since you're a very beautiful girl, who's rescuing me so heroically, "Heroine" is the perfect name to refer to you by!"

Your cheeks flush, stuttering a bit, your response gets cut short by him continuing his tirade.

"The "tan" is just a term of endearment, it's a nickname from me to you. You give those to the people you think fondly of."

"You think fondly of me?! We just—— We met today!"

"And you're the first person I've seen in so long. . . Sorry, but you did end my loneliness, even if for just a single moment. I think fondly of that."

You stare at him after that, and he blushes, averting his gaze, he scratched his cheek idly.

"Though with you staring at me like that," He said, bashfully looking back at you. "I can't help but feel like my maidenly feelings are at risk here."

Voice of the Noble: [. . . Maidenly feelings?]

He's speaking in complete nonsense. Like I said, it is pointless to converse with him, you will have to kill him either way.

Even so, your will seems to only steel further. Your hands shoot up and grasp the Knight's own, he blinked at you, flushed and shocked, ugly eyes somehow a bit softer.

"I have decided, mister Knight," You say, your annoying voice surprisingly even. "I will free you from this place. We are both getting out of here."

He gasps, and you can almost see something light up in his dark eyes.

"You really mean it? You'll save me?"

"I will. I promise."

Indeed, promises mean a lot to you, don't they?

Voice of the Noble: [Good. This boy is clearly innocent, and should not have to suffer here alone. Anyone with a conscience would see it fit to rescue him.]

Even after all my warnings, it seems impossible for either of you to gain a single bit of common sense. . .

Voice of the Noble: [You say that, but the entire time that you have been describing him you have not once antagonized him. At least not how you do to us.]

. . . Well, I'm not one to misinterpret things, anyhow. He will end the world, but if personal feelings were to get involved, then I could easily say that prefer him overall.

Voice of the Noble: [Oh, is that so?]

"I'll need something to open this with," You say, tugging on the chain holding the Knight prisoner. You get up and start walking to the basement stairs, thinking of searching for a key on the first floor.

Thump.

Unluckily for you, however, the door atop of the stairs simply closed on their own, locking both you and the Knight there. You're not leaving this basement until you've slain him, I fear.

. . .

You pout, rather childishly may I add, putting your hands on your hips like a scorned mother.

"Aren't you being to hard on poor mister Knight? He's a reaaaaally good boy, you should let him go!"

While yes, The Knight is a very good boy, you must understand the predicament we are all in at the moment. He will end the world. That is everything there is and ever will be, he will be the downfall of everything to ever exist. No matter how good he is as a person, nothing can ever change that fact. He must he slain, for the good everyone else. It's the right thing to do.

Voice of the Noble: [That's hardly true, he seems perfectly average. How is a single normal human person going to end the world?]

He just is, what's there to not understand?

Voice of the Noble: [That is not an explanation!]

It's the only explanation you're getting.

"Ah, did they lock you in here too?" The Knight spoke, having heard the door close from his spot on the floor. "Damn, that's ruthless. I think we both could kick down the door if we tried together though. . . I just need to get out of here."

Hearing the clanking of him tugging at his own restraints, you turn around and go back to him, where he's glaring at his shackled wrist like it had personally wronged him.

"Damnit, I just need to get rid of this one chain, I can't even pick the lock since there isn't one! I just. . ."

You see the exact moment that an idea seems to come to him, his face lights up and he grins, giving you mildly sheepish smile, he warns you. "Say, I got an idea, but I think you might want to look away for this, it's going to get ugly."

You nod, but don't look away at all, staring at him in curiosity.

Voice of the Noble: [Just what is he going to do, exactly?]

He takes a deep breath, as if to steel his own resolve, the Knight looks down at his wrist with pure determination in his eyes.

"C'mon, aren't you a knight? This is another step to the freedom of Heroine-tan and yourself!"

After giving himself a pep talk, the Knight finally shows exactly what his "idea" was.

The black haired man dug into his own wrist with his teeth, gnawing at the skin, pulling until he was tearing through it, his canine teeth shredded through the meat as he seemed to be filled with a feral sort of ambition, clearly aiming to eventually get to the bone. Oh dear, I can no longer watch this.

Voice of the Noble: [Dear Od, stop him! This is horrible, he's hurting himself——!]

Just as the sound of steel clattering to the floor sounded out in the background, you bopped him on the head, making him detach his mouth from his wrist with a undignified yelp.

"Ow! Hey——!"

"Mister Kniiiight you dunderhead! Don't hurt yourself like that, that's terrible!"

"Eh? Dunderhead? Who even says that anymore?" He said, as you gently grabbed his brutalized wrist, lips still stained with his own blood. "Also, how else am I going to get out of here? I don't see any keys nearby, and it's much better to only lose a hand than to stay here!"

Saying that, you look back to see the pristine blade from the first floor, now sitting here in the basement floor with you, that must've been what the sound from earlier was.

Voice of the Noble: [And I must assume that this was your doing?]

. . .

Perhaps.

Seeing the blade, you go retrieve it, coming back to the Knight with it in hand, you extended out hand for him to give you his wrist.

"If that is the case. . . Then please, let me do it like this, I just don't want you to hurt yourself. . ."

He stared up at young again, something meaningful passing through his eyes, however it is fleeting, passing you by before you can properly grasp it.

"Mm, so it seems like Heroine-tan is too kind, after all." With a fond smile, he gives you his injured and bleeding wrist, you hold it like its the finest of all porcelain.

And so, you do. You carefully use your blade to first cut through flesh, then you cut through bone. Through it all he simply stays still, at first looking at what you were doing, until you gently guided his head with your hand, tilting his gaze to stay on your face so he wouldn't see such a grisly sight.

Though by the end it didn't seem like he needed such tender care, as he easily separated the severed hand from the rest of his arm, laying it down on the ground as he got up, finally free from the chain. His smile, however, indicated that he appreciated it, at least.

"Thank you."

You held on to his remaining hand, squeezing tight, somehow it seems like severing his hand shook you up more than it did him.

Voice of the Noble: [It is only natural, anyone would feel sick at having to do such a thing to rescue someone. Still, it is truly remarkable of him to not react at all, it was his hand in the first place.]

Exactly, is it not suspicious? How he didn't blink at all when his hand was cut off? How he immediately jumped into mauling himself to get out?

Voice of the Noble: [He is a knight, staying clear headed in life or death situations is to be expected. And while it was. . . Distasteful. . . It was necessary, in his perspective, to get us all out of here.]

Your ability to wear rose tinted glasses truly astounds me.

"Now, let's go kick that door down!" With more self confidence than before, he led the way towards the door, letting go of your hand for a single moment as he went to a surefire way out——

I am not letting you do this.

Both of your hands grip your blade tight, bringing it up as he turns his back to you.

Voice of the Noble: [What?! You can't—— You can't just do that!]

Oh but you will find that I very much can, in fact, I will.

Your hands go up, one smooth downwards motion is all you need——

"Mister Knight, dodge!"

——But you still find it in yourself to warn him, making him jolt fowards, as your blade narrowly misses him. Stop making this harder than it needs to be, foolish girl, I am trying to save the world.

Voice of the Noble: [You are making us do things against our will!]

I am making you do your job.

Still, despite the irrationality of your actions, your hand grips the wrist of the hand that was still yielding the blade, trembling, you hold yourself back as the Knight turns to look at you, his expression one of melancholy and understanding.

"Oh, this isn't you. . . You're trying so hard to help me, aren't you?"

He walked up to your shaky form, gently taking the blade from your unsteady hand as you let him, unbelievable.

Looking at you, he already seems to be mourning something.

An intrinsic understanding passes over you both, he seems to know what is the only way to resolve this, and you seem to agree, giving him a timid nod, resolute in keeping your promise.

"For what it's worth," He smiled, it looked like he was near tears. "I really liked you."

He breathes in, and sighs.

And then he stabs your chest.

. . .

But you do not die, not yet.

For a knight, he seems to have missed the mark of where your heart is, you stayed alive even if in pain. The Knight winced, taking the blade out, he tried again, a stab.

He missed again, you are still alive.

"I. . . I am so sorry."

Again. He misses.

"I'm sorry!'

Again again again again gain——!

"Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry I'M SORRY!"

Eventually it all becomes too much, you collapse to the floor in a death by a thousand of paper cuts, slowly bleeding out as the Knight looks down at your body. He drops the blade, tears starting to run down his bloodied face, his blood is sure to mixed with your in there now.

Voice of the Noble: [No, it can't be. . . This can't be the end!]

I am afraid that it is.

"I wish. . . I really wanted you to. . ."

Crying softly as he kneeled next to you, the last thing you can feel is his hand holding onto yours, his fingers intertwining with your own. For a knight, his hand is oddly soft.

Thes last thing you hear is him as well, his mournful sobs and his whispered confession.

". . . Save me."

Everything goes dark, and you die.

•••

AN: Whew, that really was something, huh?

Uhhh yeah hi this post is way out of what I usually do around here, but I had been itching to write something about this au, sooo i did this!

Ok ok so like, let me give you a bit of Author's Commentary™ on this:

The formatting was the biggest hurdle, as translating the Slay the Princess style of storytelling into text is a bit difficult. I settled on writing in second person and having the literal story narration be the Narrator/Echidna talking, that way I won't need to both have Echidna talking as if she's narrating and also another actual text narrator. For all the times that Dona is in the story, she's both herself and the actual storytelling device.

For the voices, as you can see I'm going for something similar to what they do in the novel (inspired by me reading the witch cult translations in preparation to writing this fic) because it's easier to keep track of. For now you guys only get to meet Julius, but this will eventually get real messy

Emilia and Subaru are the only characters who actually talk with quotation marks, so I went absolutely ham in pacing their dialogue, especially since I didn't need to give descriptors of who is talking all the time! I tried to make their interactions fun and charming like I'm the series, but I have no clue if I managed to capture their vibes.

The real Re:Zero curse is to be absolutely obsessed enough to read the novels over and over, but to still have no fucking clue how to write any of these characters, please help me, I am in great pain

Also yes I absolutely made that last "save me" to parallel to the end of the first loop in arc 1, this is actually a bit of a role swap in a way, since Emilia is always in a position where she can die for and save Subaru

Anyhow, please tell me what y'all think, I'll prolly keep posting chapters of this Au here until I eventually gain enough courage to post it all on AO3. Most of all, tell me if y'all want chapter 2 (AKA: The Damsel)

See ya!

[qoldenskies]

Think the biggest thing about the family meeting for me is that it's literally just mean. They sit there berating Donnie until he cries. There's a supposed reason for the meeting, but Raph literally says that they're moving on to "serious talk" when they start discussing his "behavior." That entire segment of them tearing him down is literally just for their enjoyment. It's not vindictive in the way their physical abuse of him is, not as calculated as the closet situation. It's literally them just being flat out fucking mean because they're having fun doing it.

The fact that they especially poke at his autism is devastating. It's painful by itself (one of the biggest things people tend to praise about Rise when it comes to ND rep is that the brothers have literally never treated him as a burden because of who he is), but you've mentioned before that Donnie is really the one who suffers from the ND "my identity belongs to the people" experience. He uses his technology to make up for what he sees as deficits. But he's been told that not only does his "useless junk" not make up for his existence, but they absolutely hate those traits as much as he'd feared. I've always kind of thought that this was an underlying fear he never mentioned in Witch Town, mostly because it feels like a very ND struggle: it wasn't just the thought of being replaced by mystic that scared him, but the thought that all his tech, all his effort, had become not enough to make up for his living. Except in CC he can think back to what April said and think "You were wrong. You were wrong and I'm sorry for everything."

the fact that their words prey on a pre-existing insecurity is what makes it so HARD to undo.... like YES they can convince donnie that they DO love him, and that he didn't deserve to be lied to and hit and gaslit and abused, but the problem is that donnie heard all of these attacks on his character, and his behavior, and his sense of self was so fragile that even with the knowledge of the curse in mind, he continues to BELIEVE what they said is true. there are some moments where he intentionally holds himself back later down the line in CL, but after the final attack especially its so noticeable. he's so much less verbose. he speaks like he's embarrassed to be speaking. they've noted that so much of his cute little verbal quirks are gone and that he doesn't sound like himself.

it's because he's completely embarrassed with himself and what he used to be. he doesn't miss how things were, his grief is long gone; he feels ashamed for living in that illusion that he was in any way accepted, thinking he'd always just been embarrassing himself and his family without knowing it. his confidence was so fragile that it really only took something like the family meeting to DESTROY it; but to be fair, they wouldn't have gotten away with it day one because he is on the default defensive, but the anger had already been squashed completely and he was on to bargaining at that point.

and they knewwww godddd they knew. they all knew!

they watched themselves around him!! they always made sure not to go too far when they made fun of him!!! they understood how quick he was to disappear back into himself when he felt rejected and they worked around it because they loved him!!! they KNEW!!!!!

and the curse makes them take advantage of the fact that they knew!! what's so horrifying about the family meeting is that they KNEW how donnie was going to respond, they KNEW it would break him, and they KNEW they were going to get away with it, and they did it anyway because they thought it was funny.

and i dont even think they planned it out, especially apparent by the way raph ended up shutting it down. leo jumped on the opportunity and they just joined in the moment they got the chance to like sharks smelling blood in the water. it meant nothing to them, it wasn't an intentional, planned choice to get revenge or question his sense of reality. honestly, it was probably just them voicing all the shit they said behind his back (some to april.... yikes), and that's one of the things leo was scared about donnie SEEING because it was probably way more vicious. they had zero filter when they talked ABOUT him, because even through the curse there would still be the natural instinct to protect his feelings.

[zundely]

Okay so, I've seen one bad Harding take too many and I need to VENT. Some thoughts and spoilers for dwarves and Lace Harding ahead.

Some people made claims that it "makes no sense" that Harding is the character to get the stone-sense powers since she has never given any indication of having any intrest in the Stone or dwarven traditions and... it just bothers me at this point. Like ok I understand some people would rather have Valta or Dagna in her place amd you know what, fair, understandable but let's not ignore that Harding's plot in game doesn't mention and deal with the specific situation Harding is in. Like her being a surface dwarf and raised Andrastian isn't a bug, it's a part of the whole story.

Lace can be the only dwarven person in the room when they learn the true story about the Titans, and when she tries to reach out to other dwarves about her powers, makes and effort to connect to her cultural roots she gets harshly rejected. Because she is not good enough- the Stone literally manifested through her but she is not good enough because she is a surfacer. And it hurts her. It angers her but she pushes it down and moves forward because Harding deal with her anger by not dealing with it. There are also few banters about her being raised Andrastian and how that affects her current beliefs. And I am glad it is there. I am glad they didn't have her just switch to believing in Stone all the way. Because religion and beliefs can be messy that way and it can be hard to let go off.

And to have all that be there im text and still see people say it's not logical for her to be interested in culture she comes from after the STONE STARTED TALKING TO HER- it's a bit annoying to be quite frank. First of all, it would be fine if she took intrest in the dwarves just because of all the things she learn about the Titans and their history. I don't know, I feel like trying to learn more about your cultural roots when you grow up is a fairy common and natural thing. And implying that because she was born outside of it she is somehow less worthy of a connection to it is... it's exactly the shitty thing Orzammar is doing.

I personally find Harding's story of finding connection to dwarven culture and exploring what does it mean for her, and it not undercutting her ties to Ferelden is nice, not perfect in execution but still considering the Bioware's usual approach of "loosing your cultural ties isn't a bad thing actually and people who care about it are loosers" it's at least not that.

I will just end it by saying I also think if it was Varric getting the Stone powers and he would whine the whole time about how it sucks and it's creepy and he doesn't like Deep Roads people wouldn't bat an eye sooooo.... yeah.

[oficeandwind]

kami doesn't know what to say in response. he's fully aware that cyno has EVERY reason to feel as bitter as he does right now. cyno's voice is dripping with every negative emotion he probably feels right now. kami isn't in a position to defend himself either. hadn't he made this choice too? to face retribution head on, rather than trying to change the past, as he had learned is somewhat possible?

as soon as kaminari opens his mouth to speak, nahida is entering the sanctuary, cutting the pair off from what kami fears might be another fight. she looks weary, yet calm, given the circumstances.

"kaminari," she says quietly. "i once laid the choice in your hands. i continue to leave that to you, but i must emphasize the current situation first." she closes her eyes briefly, before opening them and placing a hand over her heart.

"the grand sage is willing to overlook this if you both pay for the damages done to the house of daena. kaveh has offered to help repair it. i am in agreement that you're both responsible for this. further, kaminari was under strict guidance to not step foot inside the house of daena for around a month. the other students felt it would be wise, and i cannot disagree."

"but i―" kami starts to protest. being banned? that's hardly fair. unfortunately, she's holding a hand out to cut him off.

"i cannot express how disappointed i am in the behavior you both have shown," she continues. "as much as i want to defend your honor and make excuses, this is a chance for all of us to learn patience and wisdom in the face of conflict and doubt." she turns to cyno then, once more using her dendro to ease the pain and injury he probably still feels.

"you are still the general mahamatra and have unheeded access to anywhere you might need. the grand sage does not wish to impede your authority over the other matra and sages. and as for the conflict between you both―"

she sighs. nahida falls silent for what feels like a long time. "i had hoped that i would be able to help you two build a bond of friendship that's stronger than what had taken place in the past. but that is not my place to interfere, either. it is on the two of you to overcome it. as i promised kaminari, i will remain silent and let him explain his story. i am merely here to observe his growth as a person, and bear witness to the qualities i know are inside him."

kami stares at her, several emotions combining into one that doesn't make any sense anymore. banned, from the house of daena? why? logically, he KNOWS why. kami had made a mistake, and he should be punished for it. but a month without being able to contribute much of anything useful sounds cruel and horrible. furthermore, it feels like even more of a knife wedged into his chest, because nahida feels it's a just punishment. for a brief second, he no longer sees an ally in her, but the dendro archon she should have been many years ago. she's still a god, and he'd let himself forget this briefly due to her kindness and warmth.

kaminari feels cold, and hollow, like something had been ripped from him a second time. part of him wants to turn and leave, but he refuses to run from his problems this time. not when cyno deserves an explanation. strange, that the one person who seems to hate him most is the one reason kami's pushing himself to stay.

"...where do i begin?" he finally asks. gaze focused on cyno. the least he can do is answer EVERYTHING cyno potentially asks him. "ask me anything, i'll answer to the best of my abilities."

No... that was wrong. He wasn't looking at Nahida like he thought. Only strongly sensing her presence. Cyno's awareness of his surroundings sharpened gradually, until he recognized the verdant walls of the Sanctuary.

A place that had filled him with comfort and pride for so long. Now, it filled him with doubt.

The moment he was left with no support, the General let himself slump down to sit on the steps with a grunt. His eyes looked up, slowly, to sear through the Wanderer's back. Immediately, the memory of that mark emerged in the confused tangle of thoughts and visions. His frown hardened once more... at least he'd recovered enough to do so.

"All this time..." He muttered. "I've spent so many days and nights haunted by the thought I might never find the Balladeer... That your memory would disappear into thin air before I could even get a substantial lead."

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. He'd spoken to Kaminari... He'd observed him. Played with him. Competed with him. He'd trusted him.

It almost felt like the person he'd come to know had just been ripped out of his hands, to be replaced with something horrible and painful.

"... Yet here you were this whole time, under my very nose."

This was the pain of betrayal.

[keungking]

i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outline i hate you outl

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Y'know, it's unfortunate more people don't compare Louis and Violet in good faith.

Like, when I do see people compare them, it's usually through the lens of one is good, and the other bad. One is more canon than the other, and here's why. One is objectively better for Clementine, and the other is less impactful, worse written, didn't have chemistry with her, insert several insults here, etc.

I don't think it's inherently bad to express why you might not like one of them, or why you prefer one over the other. That's fine, that's a matter of opinion. It only gets to me when it becomes hostile, or passive aggressive... but even then, I've learned to just roll my eyes and move on. Some people make it very clear that they're not worth having a discussion with.

However, I wish I could read more nuanced comparisons of the two that didn't default to the "and that's why this one is better." At least some are kind enough to tack on a "for my Clementine" at the end.

You know how it goes: Louis is cute and he makes Clementine laugh, whereas Violet's boring, her love is shallow, she's still not over Minerva and she's using Clementine as a rebound. Violentine's a bad ship because Violet's actually a traitor, and they're practically the same person and that's bad.

Violet's loyal and reliable, whereas Louis is annoying, he never takes anything serious, he's a traitor for his vote, and he's nothing but a distraction. Clouis is a bad ship because how could any Clementine possibly like him after he voted her and AJ out? That's bad!

That's always the conclusion, right? One good, one bad.

This is incredibly limiting and it drives me nuts.

They're foils. They contrast one another, highlight each other's strengths and flaws, in such an interesting way that it makes Clementine's choice between them all the more meaningful.

One is not good and the other bad, they're different, and I think that's worth exploring.

Let's start with a common argument: Violet is the more impactful option due to her connection to Minerva.

Now, to be fair, I can understand why someone on Team Violet would believe this. Yes, it's true that the confrontation with Minerva is more impactful for a violentine shipper who has more investment in Violet as a character. Louis doesn't have as strong of a connection to her.

However, what they're failing to recognize is that Minerva isn't the only ghost to haunt this narrative. Violet may have Minerva, yes, but Louis has Marlon... and that doesn't just go away once Marlon's dead.

Violet's route has Minerva as her ex-girlfriend, and her bond with Tenn that all comes to a head on the bridge. Louis' route has Marlon's death and how that specifically impacts his relationship with AJ and Clementine, and the slow burn of forgiveness on all sides.

Marlon and Minerva are also reflective of Clementine's worst outcomes.

Clementine and Marlon were tied together through Brody's blood splattered on their hands and faces. They both killed a part of Brody, but only one of them lies about who killed her first.

After Marlon dies, Clementine gradually replaces him throughout the game; Rosie is her dog now, she uses his bow [which Louis gave her], she becomes the leader. Clementine gets them to fight back, and when three of her people are captured, she doesn't cut her losses. She does what Marlon couldn't; "we're getting them back."

When she chooses Louis, he does for her what he never did for Marlon: he steps up.

Clementine proves she won't become Marlon just as she proves she won't become Minerva.

After getting James to agree to help them, Clementine and AJ talk about what to do if she ever gets bit. AJ says he'd want her to bite him, too. He repeats this sentiment after she's actually bitten, telling her he wants to stay and they could turn together, peacefully.

When Minerva confronts them on the bridge, she's dying... and she wants Tenn to die with her. She doesn't care who she has to kill in the process. She's more monster than human at this point, and most times, she succeeds.

They're both bitten. Clementine could've become a monster like Minerva in the end. She could've killed AJ, and they could've become walkers together. But she didn't. Minerva wanted Tenn to die for her, and Clementine wanted AJ to live for her.

Also, I should mention she has Minerva's axe. She carries the key weapons associated with Marlon and Minerva throughout different points in the game, further solidifying these connections. She uses Marlon's bow to save her friends, and she uses Minerva's axe to save AJ, who in turn uses it to save her.

What's also so interesting about this is how Marlon's alive in episode one, and Minerva is thought to be dead. Louis has his best friend, and Violet's lost hers. But, at the end of the episode, Marlon's dead and Minerva's revealed to be alive.

Marlon becomes the ghost, and Minerva becomes the monster. Clementine becomes to Louis and Violet what Marlon and Minerva never could... how does that not drive anyone else insane?

So, no. One is not objectively better, or more impactful, because of a connection to Marlon or Minerva. They're different. It just depends on which storyline you personally find more compelling.

Actually, let's talk about that a little more.

In my opinion, the most intriguing point of comparison between Louis and Violet stems from their perceptions of survival, and how that impacts Clementine.

An argument I see made against violentine is that Violet's boring because she and Clementine are too similar. This usually comes from clouis shippers who prefer the "opposites attract" dynamic Clementine and Louis have.

On the flip side, there's the counter argument that Louis is reckless, that he doesn't take survival as seriously as he should and Clementine wouldn't want him because of that.

These are interesting to me because I get where they're coming from... but they ultimately miss the point.

The other day, I replayed TFS. Except this time, I did something a little bit differently. I played my usual clouis route, but then I had the violentine route pulled up on my laptop so that I could watch these scenes, comparing them side by side… and something occurred to me. 

Louis is about challenging Clementine's perception of survival, and Violet is about validating it.

Louis challenges Clementine from the very moment we meet him—he’s playing music. His initial philosophy on survival butts heads with Clementine’s. The fact that hunting with him and Aasim challenges your perception of “your choices have consequences.” These games have conditioned the player to think along the lines of, “Yeah, Louis is more fun… but if I don’t hunt with Aasim, we won’t have any food.”

Except that’s just it. I hate to say it, Aasim, but in the grand scheme of things… hunting with you doesn’t matter. It's actually less rewarding. You know why? Because in the next section, we get food from the train station. It would’ve been more beneficial to spend time with Louis over hunting, hence how he challenges you.  

This then primes you for the choice between choosing to follow Louis or follow Violet. I know people complain about how this is presented with Violet doing something productive [checking the walls] and Louis playing piano… but that’s the point. If you’re going through with Louis’ full route, you need to meet him at his level, and in turn, he will meet you at yours. You need to accept the challenge, the idea that Clementine isn’t entirely right about the way she’s gone about survival.

Oh, and do I even need to mention the vote? The debate over Louis’ vote is exhausting. Often times, people tell on themselves in how they talk about it. It’s not actually about the fact that he voted against them. If it was, these people would have a bigger bone with pick with Mitch, Willy, Ruby, and Omar… and yet Louis is the one who takes all the blame as if he’s the only one personally kicking them out. 

Louis is reacting to the death of his best friend, and the complicated feelings that come with it being caused by AJ. He wants accountability, even if he knows something's wrong. You can either agree with him that it was murder, and set AJ on the path of atonement… or, you can double down and tell him to fuck off, AJ was justified. 

But here’s the thing… the vote adds to the appeal of Louis’ route. To someone who hates him, or at the very least is critical of his vote, that sounds mad or delusional.

Except it’s really not.

Ever heard of a thing called tension? Because there’s a lot of it in ep2 between clouis + AJ and it’s fantastic.

Yes, Louis voting them out is problematic because we need a problem to solve. We need something to feed the tension between him and Clementine. He stepped in front of a gun held by his best friend in order to protect her, forever changing their relationship… only for that to seemingly be taken away from us the moment AJ shoots Marlon. 

Yes, Louis’ route is about being challenged, but it’s also about challenging him. That he’s able to forgive them, that he’s able to question his own survival philosophy and understand theirs, that he’s able to apologize and actually change for the better… that right there is what makes clouis so damn good. 

He becomes hardened whereas Clementine softens. By the end of the game, they’re on a similar level now without neglecting their differences, and they can move forward together. 

That’s what makes Louis’ route appealing… and it’s also what makes it unappealing to people who prefer Violet. 

By contrast, Violet’s already on Clementine’s level when it comes to this perception of survival. She validates that Clementine’s on the right path.

They have other similarities in the way that they’re both female, queer, they both have a kid they look after, they’re not always great with other people, etc. 

People who prefer Louis might consider this boring, but I think to Team Violet, it’s comforting. It’s comforting to have a partner who takes this as seriously as you do, who wants to get shit done. They’re playing Clementine with a similar attitude, and don’t believe it needs to be challenged. It’s comforting to feel validated on something you already firmly believe in. 

We also see this if we compare the hunting and fishing scenes. You have to make an effort to choose Louis by choosing to neglect hunting, but the game makes you fish with Violet no matter what.

Violet’s prioritizing fishing because they need food. That’s what they’ve set out to do, so let’s do it. The game is letting you know that’s the case, and if you value that, continue pursuing her. 

While fishing, they discuss why things are weird with her and Brody. Violet doesn’t take well to Clementine’s blunt, “Because you make it weird. Brody tries and you just make fun of her."

That’s understandable because I think she already kind of knows why and is looking to have her feelings validated. She prefers it when Clementine suggests that it’s because Brody never said sorry for what happened to the twins. 

There’s also comfort and validation in the way Violet sides with Clementine and AJ after Marlon’s death. She votes for them to stay, vocalizing how much she disapproves of the results. There’s this feeling that I recognize from a lot of the sapphic romance I read; “it’s you and me against the world, I’ll always have your back, even if you’re in the wrong, I’ll fight for you.”

In our case, it’s violentine + AJ against the rest of Ericson, save Tenn and Aasim. Violet validates that AJ was justified because Marlon was a liar and murderer, claiming that AJ and Clementine did nothing wrong. Violet fights to keep them. 

The tension between violentine in ep2 is different because instead of one pushing the other away, they’re being forced apart by the vote and there’s nothing they can do about it. That tension is somewhat released when Clementine comes back and they’re reunited, working out a plan to best defend the school. 

It’s also why Violet’s presented as doing something productive when you follow her instead of Louis, and why she asks if you want to hang out after checking the defenses. 

All that being said, allow me to reiterate that one is not good and the other bad, they're different. These concepts of challenge and change/validation and comfort exist on a neutral road as diverging paths. It’s up to the player to pick what path they prefer, but that doesn’t mean the other path isn’t worth acknowledging or analyzing. 

I should also mention that they’re not exclusive; there is overlap with validation being present in Louis’ route and challenges in Violet’s. They’re just more present in episodes 3 and 4 after we’ve made our decision. 

There are several more examples of how this all fits together, buuuuut–

Ya’ll wanna compare some allegories?

Those familiar with my content might already know where I’m going with this as I’ve made a post about Louis and the piano in the past. 

You see, I believe that there are allegories for Louis and Violet’s hearts present in their routes: Louis’ piano, and Violet’s pin. 

I already have a thorough, in-depth analysis of Louis and the piano that you can read, so all I’ll say about it is that on the night of the raid, he asked Clementine to carve a piece of herself into his heart so that no matter what, their initials will be immortalized together in its wood…

And that makes me fucking feral. 

But I'm also so normal about it.

As for Violet, her heart is the star gazing pin she gives to Clementine. She gives it to her so she’ll always remember that night… but she doesn’t give it to her until after Clementine’s saved her, and that fascinates me in the context of it being allegory. 

Louis asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart right before the raid, cementing that from that moment on, he is utterly devoted to her. I believe this is part of the reason why Louis is still happy to see her if he’s the one who’s captured. Yes, yes, he’s also incredibly traumatized from having his tongue cut out and he’d be happy to see anyone, yada yada… but listen, if you romance Louis and he’s captured, his heart remains with her—that piano with their intitals is on full display. When he sees her, he’s still so devoted to her that he refuses to accept that it’s at all her fault. Even when she says it is, he shakes his head... and he so easily accepts her when they’re together in the end. From the moment Clementine puts knife to wood, he’s hers. 

Now, look… you might think I’m going somewhere not great with this but hear me out. 

I think after Clementine’s gone star gazing with her, Violet is fully ready to give her heart to her. Y’know, give her the pin. But, think about what Violet said about how people have left, but Clementine came back. Plus, with the impending raid to think about, maybe Violet should keep the pin until the right moment. 

I believe a key difference between her and Louis is that Violet needs one last thing to solidify that Clementine’s the one. 

Louis gives her his heart prior to the raid because of everything that’s already gone down between them following Marlon’s death. Violet needs to know that Clementine’s willing to fight for her the way she fought before. When Clementine saves her from the raiders, it’s solidified. Even after she sees Minerva again, it changes nothing.

It’s also worth noting that the pin is something Clementine wears. Like the piano carving, it’s a piece on display for everyone to see, to let them know whose heart Clementine has.

Violet literally handed Clementine her heart as a means of saying, “I’m yours. I’m devoted to you.” 

This is why romanced/captured Violet is devastating, and is why she behaves the way she does in the cells. She was so ready to give her heart away and then nope, sorry, Vi! You get knocked unconscious by raiders instead! 

If anything, you kind of deserve to be told to fuck off if you romanced her and then let her get captured. Just sayin’. 

Look, I have a lot of complicated feelings about the captured violentine route, mostly with Violet being as forgiving as she is after her eyes are burned—yes, yes, I know, her eyes are burned and Minerva messed with her head so of course now she’s not hostile, yada, yada. 

But I think it’s rather telling that you don’t get the pin in this route. Sure, Violet’s willing to forgive and possibly pursue this romance in the future… but she’s not ready to hand over her heart, not truly. Not after everything that’s happened. 

And if you want to get extra angsty about it, imagine that Violet made the pin right after they parted ways, but before the raiders came. Meaning that if she’s captured, it’s possibly still sitting somewhere, abandoned. 

Mmhmmm, very normal about this. I feel normal. My normalness about this continues... normally. I'm not losing my shit thinking about that. Nope. Why would I? I wouldn't! So normal.

Okay just let me talk about their reactions to Tenn's death and then I'll shut up.

This makes me want to gnaw my own foot off, I can barely handle it.

AJ shoots Tenn on the bridge because Clementine trusted him to make the hard calls. This saves Louis or Violet's life.

When Louis jumps across, he's completely silent as he watches Tenn die... and then he's pissed; "What the fuck?! How could you just shoot him like that?!"

AJ explains himself, that he did it for him, and Louis is so upset that he forces AJ to look at what he's done, to watch the walkers eat Tenn; "Tenn's dead. He's dead! Do you realize that?! Look! [...] He's... he's gone, because of you. Just fucking gone."

If Clementine says AJ saved his life, Louis says, "So what, we just cut him loose? Gun him down like he was nothing?"

If Clementine says nothing, Louis says, "Tenn was just a little boy!"

The reason Louis responds this way is because in this moment, he just relived Marlon's death all over again, but worse. So, SO much worse!

When Violet jumps across, she breaks down, begging, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! No, no! No, no, no..." as she watches Tenn die... and then says to AJ, "No! What the fuck?! How could you do that?!"

AJ explains himself, that he did it for her, and Violet is faaaar from okay; "For me? I can't... Tenn is gone! That soft little boy who liked to draw, he's gone, because of you!"

If Clementine says AJ saved her life, Violet says, "You think that's okay?! Just gunning down one of our own?!"

And there it is.

Louis is hardened in this situation because he already went through this... Violet hasn't, not with AJ. She softened up throughout her route due to her relationships to him and Clementine... but this is the moment where she realizes that maybe AJ wasn't as justified as she believed, and this is the consequence.

This leads us to the ending where AJ asks if they're still mad about him killing Tenn, and I just... I'm biting my foot right now because the script has flipped.

Louis is forgiving and understanding. He's soft, he's sympathetic, he shakes AJ's hand to let him know that all is forgiven and they're okay; "I... AJ, I guess it's like... You saw something I didn't. About the situation, I mean. Minnie and the walkers and Tenn, it's just all this chaos in my head when I think back on it. [...] Clem says you saved my life? Well, then, that's exactly what you did. And how can I stay mad at anyone for doing that?"

Or, alternatively, "He was your friend, AJ. I know you are hurting just as much as I am."

As for Violet? She's understanding, too... but she's not quite ready to forgive yet; "The thing you said on the bridge...that he was messing up all the time. It wasn't something new, you know. Tenn got himself or other people into trouble all the time, long before you guys got here. He was always so lost. He lived in a world that just...isn't there, you know? And that's why I tried to look after him. But when I was pulling him away from the walkers, and Minnie, I could also see...he just wasn't there anymore."

"So you're mad, but sad."

"Can I be that for a while?"

And it's completely understandable that she's hurting and struggling with how she feels about AJ moving forward! She wants to be okay, she wants to forgive him, she just needs time.

Now, because I'm forever bitter, but I'm gonna mention this as well: whenever I see someone point at Violet's scene and say, "See!? This is how LOUIS should've acted in ep2!" like... they're telling on themselves again. Not just that they don't understand Louis as a character or his route, but that they don't fully grasp Violet's part in this either. Or time frames, for that matter.

Let me put it to you in simple terms... they react the same.

After Marlon and Tenn die, they're upset. They're pissed. They blame AJ and yell at him. After they've had time to process what happened [Louis after the two week time skip, Violet after time passes between the bridge and the ending] they share the same, "I'm still upset about Marlon/Tenn. Can I be that for a while and still be your friend?" sentiment.

The difference is that Louis is treated poorly for it because of the vote, and because we feel it first hand for longer... Violet got to grieve off screen and come back after she's sorted herself out.

It's a disservice to both of their characters because it's rooted in that same mentality that I criticized at the beginning: "This is why one is better than the other."

Do I need to say it again? I'm gonna say it again.

One is not good and the other bad. They're different.

There are so many fun discussions that could come from putting Louis and Violet side by side, and examining them. I haven't even covered the different ways they're introduced, or compared their ep3 dates to see what it says about them and the overall narratives! What about the cell scenes!? How they react when Dorian's about the cut off their fingers! The way they approach James upon meeting him!

That last one in particular is especially funny! They're all under stress about blending in with a herd of walkers to infiltrate a boat to save their friends, and yet Louis easily saunters up to the guy wearing walker skins with a smile, and makes him laugh by saying, "Functional and fashionable. I'll take two."

Violet approaches James like he's an injured wild animal that's going to bite her, and bless her heart, she tries with, "I, uh… hey. Hey there, James. Sorry about Willy." Then James gives her this judgmental side-eye, like buddy? She's not the weirdo here.

There is so much potential to dissect here, and I want to see people do it... but I want them to do it fairly, in good faith.

I want to get away from the idea of comparing them to "prove" which is better because there is no objective better. There isn't! That's a waste of time!

I'm so done with The Debate™; it's unhelpful, it's annoying, and it's boring as shit. I've heard it all before, and you probably have, too.

I want to put Louis and Violet under a microscope and study them with the thought process of, "one does this and the other does that... what does it mean!? what does it say about the narrative!? Oh my god, they have the same opinion on this thing, WRITE THAT DOWN!"

So yeah, that's my ramble for the night.

I'm gonna go replay TFS for further research.

[ambrosykim]

i find it an interesting detail that this is where the thumbnail comes from, specifically the frame where he says "demonized" (from the titular song)

now i've only watched npmd once so idk if there's any like. subtext as to if max was a typical bully in how if he bullied others due to his own background or insecurities or if he was just genuinely just a terrible person, but it seems interesting that starkid chose this specific frame to go on the thumbnail (i get it he does look frightening and cool at once and it conveys the vibe of the musical)

i mean it's obvious that he's a completely deranged person (i think especially after coming back from the dead) but yeah, what i thought was interesting, was that by starkid choosing this specific frame, they're also immediately demonizing him to anyone that stumbles upon the musical, even before starting it so!!!

[the-knight-of-destiny]

Okay, so long long ramble under the cut about the nature of Ratgrinder Discourse™, I'll preface by saying that I don't want any of this to get hostile with anyone, because I think that's frankly silly to do over a webshow. That said I am also open to critical discussion so if anything I say doesn't make sense, or doesn't track I'm open to critique on it! Obviously spoilers up to Episode 19 of Fantasy High Junior Year underneath. Also it is a VERY long post, several pages, so don't click read more if that'll be overwhelming/too much at once. I just had to get my thoughts into words.

So, this will be long but I'll try to break it up. For clarity I want to establish my main point and give a quick TL;DR here, so here's the short version, long version even further below. My main points are as follows: 1: It is okay to not be happy with how a narrative is going in a show/story you enjoy. Critique is not hate, if anything it's a form of praise in a way. People wouldn't be having such long and frequent discourse about D20 and it's current season if they didn't feel strongly. 2: Similarly, we as an audience have a very different perspective of the entire story unfolding compared to the Intrepid Heroes/Cast. I think a lot of people jump to assumptions about the cast's thought process when that really isn't something we can gauge beyond what they say in episode and on Adventuring Party. 3: For me at least, even if I am left unsatisfied by an ending it doesn't ruin the fun I had in a work. Now if you just wanted my bullet point thoughts without elaboration, there they are! The rest of this is going to be an insanely long ramble (seriously, exit now if you aren't up for that, it's pages long) that I don't expect anyone to read, but I like to get my thoughts outta my brain. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, in regards to the Ratgrinders dying in the fashion they have, there's been a lot of discussion on literally every place there is to discuss Dimension 20, Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, I'm sure other places as well. Really it all comes back to one thing, Dungeons and Dragons is a game, but Dimension 20 is a show. We as viewers have some level of narrative expectation, now for everyone that's different. Some folks have specific hopes for plot and character arcs. Others just want a general vibe, but the cast are players. Sure they are performers, but they are players in a game in equal measure. I've alluded to this before but a lot of the sincere vitriol to antagonists thus far (and especially the Ratgrinders) comes from the fact that the players have been fully immersed in a world and as characters where the Ratgrinders have been a constant thorn in their side for tens of hours of play time. Obviously one can still not like how they've engaged with them (I'm still not sure how exactly I feel about it,) but a lot of it is coming from that distinct perspective. When Fig took Ruben out, she specifically was frustrated because she 'wasted her season' on him. There's a meta level of Fig being angry with Ruben as a character who shares a world with him, versus Emily being frustrated as a player that a lot of her in-game actions did not hash out. That's actually totally natural, by the way. The interesting way that DnD serves both as a narrative of the characters in the setting, but also of the players rolling dice is part of what makes actual play like Dimension 20 so interesting. It's why I think SOME of the disappointment with Brennan and the Intrepid Heroes comes from a strange place, we literally cannot experience the story the same way the cast have. We get a week between chunks of story, they film the episodes in batches. We can think for as long as we want about our critical thoughts, they have to improv on the fly. We get to watch the Ratgrinders as antagonists in a story, the IH are actively hindered in their gameplay by the Ratgrinders as enemies.

That said I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about some aspects of Protagonist Centric Morality™ in this. Oisin having a mildly flirty conversation with Adaine once when he had ulterior motives is a deeply awful manipulation, but Fig catfishing Ruben the better part of an entire year is her trying to reach out and understand him (?). Kipperlilly threatening to desecrate Eugenia's grave is deeply fucked up, but Riz openly advocating mutilating Oisin's body for tactical reasons, and Fabian loudly declaring he intends to do the same to Ivy for literally just his own self-satisfaction are 'fun unhinged moments'.

Before I go on, obviously the Ratgrinders are the bad guys. They're taking part in an evil plan, they've done villainous things throughout the season, especially very recently, etc. This isn't some argument that the Bad Kids are secretly the real monsters or something, obviously not. I just think it's odd that people read into the Bad Kids' actions in the best possible light at all times and the inverse for the Ratgrinders. This protagonist centric morality also comes down to the true reason behind any and all of Fantasy High's villain redemption. Ragh gets redeemed because the player characters think he's possibly useful and/or endearing. Aelwyn gets redeemed because she personally helps Adaine. The only one that Brennan really pushed forward on his own was Zayn, who they barely engaged with. People compare the Ratgrinders to Penelope and Dayne a lot, and understandably so. However I think this is sort of the complication and in my opinion, the silver bullet to understanding what's actually happening with the Ratgrinder's narrative place, Dayne more specifically. He does very little evil on screen. I mean, he injures Fabian and is most likely the one who killed Zayn, but comparatively to Aelwyn, he does almost nothing. He gets killed without so much as a thought, and in a fun (?) parallel to current Ratgrinder discourse, does actually have his body desecrated after death by Fabian. Because he hurt Fabian personally. Aelwyn gets forgiven of doing a lot of terrible shit (and this isn't Aelwyn hate, she's like my favorite NPC.) because it didn't directly affect any of the Bad Kids besides Adaine, and even the bad stuff that did affect Adaine can be sort of off-loaded onto their parents. So it's why I say this discourse is tough, people inevitably say "Well, the Ratgrinders are villains, of course they'll get killed." And this isn't inherently a wrong statement, they look at the bad things the group is doing and understand they must be stopped, why are people upset clearly bad guys get beat and/or killed in DnD games? Because they aren't actually getting killed in such brutal ways because they're bad guys, it's because they personally annoyed or hurt the Bad Kids. This is also why Ratgrinder fans often feel both frustrated and vindicated at once (I speculate, but I feel it's a safe assumption,) because on a meta level Kipperlilly is literally right. Her friends and likely herself are getting ripped to shreds because they crossed the special protagonists, because they started to really frustrate the Intrepid Heroes. The Bad Kids have forgiven atrocities before, but the Intrepid Heroes are really quick to dismiss and kill people they find annoying.

The ultimate example I feel of this, is Mary Ann. Ruben gets blasted into hell because his actions personally annoyed the players, Ivy gets stabbed to death while being repeatedly insulted and threatened with mutilation because her actions personally annoyed the players.

But Mary Ann is the one they all think they can redeem or save, because her personality is more cute and endearing to the players. That kind of says it all better than I ever could.

[mothbart]

i am so close but not close at all on finishing this lil project but we ball